Draft Remarriage Premarital Manual

Project Paper: A Premarital Manual for Couples Who Are Remarrying
Kenneth Muchiri [MFT/17785/0/20]
Department of Psychology
MPC 600: Sexuality and Premarital Therapy
Dr Amos Alumada
15th March 2022

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Table of Contents
Introduction ..................................................................................................................................... 3
Chapter 1: Dealing with the Past .................................................................................................... 5
Chapter 2: Attachment Styles ....................................................................................................... 11
Chapter 3: The Blended Family: An Introduction ........................................................................ 14
Chapter 4: Steps to Becoming a Blended Family ......................................................................... 18
Chapter 5: Parenting in a Blended Family .................................................................................... 24
Chapter 6: Danger Signs ............................................................................................................... 29
Chapter 7: Laying the Foundation for Marital Friendship ............................................................ 36
Chapter 8: Dealing with Conflict .................................................................................................. 42
Conclusion .................................................................................................................................... 48
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Introduction
This manual has been prepared to help those couples that are anticipating getting remarried after
having seen the termination of a first marriage as a result of death or divorce. Often times this is a very
challenging undertaking for such couples because it involves the formation of what is called a blended
family. Those who remarry are usually at an elevated risk for a subsequent divorce, at 60% for second
marriages and 73% for third marriages (Bean et al., 2021).
Broadly speaking the manual is divided into three themes. The first two chapters are dealing
with the theme of the individual single person and are aimed at helping the individual explore some of
the things that may require some work. Dealing with our past is the first chapter. It takes a brief view of
the emotional baggage that is likely to be part of each person’s history as they come together. We
examine the importance of individuals addressing old relational patterns and relational loss. The chapter
closes with a need to examine the boundaries with former living spouses in the case of a divorce. In the
second chapter we still deal with the issues at an individual level. This second chapter explores the
attachment styles namely: secure, avoidant, and anxious and how they can help us understand our
responses to threat and conflict within marriage. These attachment styles serve to influence how we
relate to those closest to us.
The second theme is that of the blended family unit and covers chapter three to five. Chapter
three of the manual delves into the vagaries of what a blended family is and how it differs from a
traditional family. Compared to first marriages, couples in blended families report more conflicts, stress,
instability and demonstrate less resilience (Dell’Isola et al., 2021; Musavi et al., 2019). Our research
found that the work it takes to integrate a blended family takes an average of between 5-7 years (Dupuis,
2010). This third chapter sets the precedent for the next two chapters of Steps to Becoming a Blended
Family and Parenting in a Blended Family. In chapter four we explore five stages that help a blended
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family achieve family integration, these include discovery, education, parental unification, and family
unification. Chapter five explores the stepparent- stepchild subsystem. We learn that the survival of the
remarriage is contingent upon creating workable step relationships (Dupuis, 2010).
The last three chapters, cover the third theme which centres on laying the foundation for the
remarried couple relationship. The manual delves into Dr. John Gottman’s research findings on habits
that lead to divorce in chapter six. These habits include, the four horsemen, among others that are
important to be aware of as you consider remarriage. Chapter seven lays the foundations of a good marital
relationship and draws from John Gottman’s, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. In this
seventh chapter, the manual explores the importance of friendship in marriage and how to achieve this.
The manual closes with chapter eight, which is a refreshing look at marital conflict based on the Dr
Gottman’s research that found two kinds of problems in marriage, perpetual problems and solvable
problems.
It is hoped that this manual will serve to aid you as a couple to prepare yourselves for the
remarriage journey. That you will be able to reflect on the various topics and begin your journey in
marriage with a higher level of awareness. We pray the God will repay you for the years the locusts have
eaten, (Joel 2:25a). Welcome to this fascinating journey.

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Chapter 1: Dealing with the Past
In this chapter, for partners that may have been married before, we take a step back and examine
some of the skeletons that may still be in the closet. We briefly look at the relational patterns that one
may have had in their first marriage, explore briefly the concept of loss and grief, and unhealthy former
spouse relationships with the aim of raising awareness of how these can impact the marriage you are
entering into.
Set Relational Patterns
We begin by looking at a few scenes that can help us understand previous relational patterns that
can affect the current marriage. Indeed some have argued that once people have gone through a divorce,
they bring emotional issues (baggage) from the previous marriage and are likely to continue to view
marriage as an insecure relationship (Mirecki et al., 2013). Below we cast scenes that can help us
understand these patterns.
Example 1:
Jack is having difficulty trusting his new wife, Jane. This seems to be emanating from his experience
from a previous marriage where his previous spouse was unfaithful to him. Jane knows this, but she is
developing anger because it feels horrendous not to be trusted. She knows that she has not been
unfaithful and neither has it crossed her mind that she could be, but Jack’s vigilance of any
conversations she has with any man is frustrating. He constantly wants to know who she is with all the
time and will call to check who she is with when she is not at home.
Example 2:
Njeri is newly remarried. In her previous relationship her husband yelled at her and berated her
whenever she disagreed with him. Njeri learned to withdraw and avoid conflict. This pattern has
continued in her new marriage relationship because she does not trust her new husband, Tom, to treat
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her with respect, if she opposes his viewpoints. Tom cannot understand why she refuses to give her
opinion or help him make decisions. This frustrates him.
One of the challenges that remarried couples face is their tendency to be overly sensitive when
conflict arises. This sensitivity arises because conflict management may have been difficult to deal with
in the previous marriage and slight difficulties in the new marriage will create unease about the risk of
another failed marriage (Mirecki et al., 2013). Remarried couples are not usually aware that these ‘ghosts’
are alive in their relationship and these become a major hindrance and a source of problems in the new
marriage. Things get even more problematic if the remarried spouse behaves in a similar manner as the
former partner. In such instances the spouse might experience anxiety and become overly demanding in
an attempt to make up for the pain from the first marriage (Mirecki et al., 2013). The other alternative
becomes, creating a protective barrier by withdrawing, as he or she fears being rejected again (Mirecki et
al., 2013).
Dealing with Loss and Grief
More often than not a couple that is getting remarried are likely to have faced a loss. This loss can
either be in the form of a death or a divorce. After a divorce people suffer many negative emotional effects
including, depression, low self-esteem (Dell’Isola et al., 2021), grief, anger and mourning (Kołodziej-
Zaleska & Przybyła-Basista, 2020) all of which are detrimental to their mental health. The divorcee will
usually have experienced a loss, the coping of which differs among individuals based on their intrapersonal
resources (Kołodziej-Zaleska & Przybyła-Basista, 2020). One of the dangers that a couple is likely to
face is the issue of unresolved grief (Sierra, n.d.). Even if the relevant partner had time to grieve it is
possible that a new relationship will trigger or reactivate the grief (Sierra, n.d.). It is therefore important
that a couple that is remarrying be aware of these feelings of grief and be cognizant that they may
experience a reactivation of the grief emotions as they enter a new marriage.

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The death of a partner is a significant loss and can also manifest in different patterns such as
depression, complicated, chronic, and/or prolonged traumatic grief responses (Shorer et al., 2021). Young
widows are particularly vulnerable as they lose their partners at a relatively early stage and are likely to
want to get remarried due to the loneliness they are likely to experience (Shorer et al., 2021). Grieving
varies from person to person and there is no set limit in time for completing the grieving process, however
the failure to deal with it can lead one to making irrational decisions because of the emotional state they
may be in.
Previous Spouses
Where an ex-spouse shares parental authority, that ex spouse may wield some power on the new
marriage (Dupuis, 2010). This is likely to affect not only the authority of the stepparent to the children,
but could also affect the new marriage. Even when people have gone through a legal divorce, they may
be yet to experience an “emotional divorce” (Dupuis, 2010). This would be evident where an remarried
partner still confides in their ex-spouse, displays jealousy when their ex-spouse dates, or tends to defend
the ex-spouse to the new spouse (Dupuis, 2010). These are collectively called open boundaries and can
create major setbacks for the newly forming marriage. There is need to build proper boundaries between
a former spouse and your marriage, even when co-parenting, to prevent the negative impact of the former
spousal relationship on the newly formed marriage.
Conclusion
Research indicates that second marriages end more quickly and more often than first marriages at
60% divorce rate for remarried couples and 73% for third marriages (Bean et al., 2021). The presences of
emotional baggage revolving around past relational patterns, unprocessed grief and permeable boundaries
with former spouses can serve to set a poor foundation for a subsequent marriage. These are some
examples of the kind of emotional baggage that one can bring to a new marriage. Take time to build self-
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awareness in the baggage you may still be carrying to prevent the recurrence of another marriage
dissolution.
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References
Barnacle, R. E. S., & Abbott, D. A. (2009a). The Development and Evaluation of a Gottman-Based
Premarital Education Program: A Pilot Study. Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy, 8(1),
64–82. https://doi.org/10.1080/15332690802626734
Barnacle, R. E. S., & Abbott, D. A. (2009b). The Development and Evaluation of a Gottman-Based
64–82. https://doi.org/10.1080/15332690802626734
Bean, R. C., Ledermann, T., Higginbotham, B. J., & Galliher, R. V. (2021). Adjustment Difficulties and
Marital Stability in Remarriages: The Role of Stepfamily Constellation. Marriage & Family
Review, 57(8), 721–740. https://doi.org/10.1080/01494929.2021.1958123
Dell’Isola, R., Durtschi, J., Topham, G., & Gimarc, C. (2021). A New Approach to Marriage
Preparation: The Attachment-Differentiation Premarital Model. Journal of Couple &
Relationship Therapy, 20(2), 149–173. https://doi.org/10.1080/15332691.2020.1829522
Dupuis, S. (2010). Examining the Blended Family: The Application of Systems Theory Toward an
Understanding of the Blended Family System. Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy, 9(3),
239–251. https://doi.org/10.1080/15332691.2010.491784
Gonzales, J. (2009). Prefamily Counseling: Working with Blended Families. Journal of Divorce &
Remarriage, 50(2), 148–157. https://doi.org/10.1080/10502550802365862
Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work (Second edition).
Harmony Books.
Kołodziej-Zaleska, A., & Przybyła-Basista, H. (2020). The Role of Ego-Resiliency in Maintaining Post-
divorce Well-being in Initiators and Non-Initiators of Divorce. Journal of Divorce &
Remarriage, 61(5), 366–383. https://doi.org/10.1080/10502556.2020.1768487

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Lee, S. (2018). Removing the Stigma of Divorce: Happiness Before and After Remarriage. 23.
Lucier-Greer, M., Adler-Baeder, F., Ketring, S. A., Harcourt, K. T., & Smith, T. (2012). Comparing the
Experiences of Couples in First Marriages and Remarriages in Couple and Relationship
Education. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 53(1), 55–75.
https://doi.org/10.1080/10502556.2012.635970
Martin-Uzzi, M., & Duval-Tsioles, D. (2013). The Experience of Remarried Couples in Blended
Families. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 54(1), 43–57.
https://doi.org/10.1080/10502556.2012.743828
McNelis, M., & Segrin, C. (2019). Insecure Attachment Predicts History of Divorce, Marriage, and
Current Relationship Status. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 60(5), 404–417.
https://doi.org/10.1080/10502556.2018.1558856
Mirecki, R. M., Brimhall, A. S., & Bramesfeld, K. D. (2013). Communication During Conflict:
Differences Between Individuals in First and Second Marriages. Journal of Divorce &
Musavi, S., Fatehizade, M., & Jazayeri, R. (2019). Sexual Dynamics of Iranian Remarried Women in
Blended Families: A Qualitative Study on Remarried Women’s Life. Journal of Divorce &
Shorer, S., Dekel, R., & Nuttman-Shwartz, O. (2021). “Remarried military widows” grief in light of
social policy upheavals. Death Studies, 1–9. https://doi.org/10.1080/07481187.2021.1975174
Sierra, T. (n.d.). Working_with_Remarried_Couples.pdf. Regent University.

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Chapter 2: Attachment Styles
The attachment theory espouses that a person’s ability to engage in healthy ways with other
adults are largely dependent on the relationship they had with a primary attachment figure- usually the
mother when growing up (Dell’Isola et al., 2021). The working models between the child and the
caregiver are assumed to carry on automatically and unconsciously to adulthood and be predictive of
future romantic relationship satisfaction. Based on different attachment orientations (i.e., secure,
avoidant, and anxious ambivalent) people will have different beliefs about the path of romantic love, the
accessibility and dependability of their love partners, and their love-worthiness (Busby et al., 2017).
Research suggests that insecure attachment styles and dysfunctional communication practices pose both
a risk for divorce and a barrier to entry into, or maintenance of, close relationships (McNelis & Segrin,
2019). Let us now look at these attachment styles more closely and how they impact our relationships.
Secure Attachment
A securely attached individual represents a crucial construct predicting later psychological
adjustment and mental health. Persons with secure attachment styles learned, as infants, that when faced
with danger or threat, someone was reliable (usually their mother) and thus they would not be
abandoned (Dell’Isola et al., 2021). Later in adulthood, romantic partners become the primary
attachment figures and are essential to maintain support, comfort, and reassurance. Hence, people with a
secure attachment feel safe and satisfied in close relationships (Ali et al., 2017; Dell’Isola et al., 2021).
Secure attachment predicts that individuals will bond with their significant other and will experience
love as they tend to have greater trust in their partners. Persons with secure attachment demonstrate
higher levels of positive emotions and commitment in their romantic relationships devoid of fear or
aversion (Dell’Isola et al., 2021).

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Avoidant Attachment
Individuals who have avoidant attachment styles are uncomfortable with closeness and
dependence on relationship partners. They prefer to be self-reliant and are emotionally distant (McNelis,
& Segrin, 2019). They grow up with feelings of being unloved, insignificant, and accept that their
emotional needs will not be met and often struggle to express their feelings. Those with avoidant
attachment styles tend to avoid direct confrontation when the relationship feels threatened and may
behave in ways that imply they don’t need anyone (Dell’Isola et al., 2021). The element of avoidance
reflects a degree of discomfort with closeness and intimacy in romantic relationships and uses distancing
(Dell’Isola et al., 2021). An example of how individuals with this attachment style may behave, is in
sexual intimacy. In attempting to deactivate the attachment system, highly avoidant individuals may
restrict their sexual activity or engage in unemotional sex, the outcome of which is lower sexual
satisfaction in the relationship (Rouleau et al., 2018).
Anxious/Ambivalent Attachment
The person with an anxious/ambivalent disposition, worries or is concerned about being rejected
or abandoned by romantic partners (Dell’Isola et al., 2021). When a partner is unavailable, the
individual engages in a hyperactive attachment strategy, which consists of attempts to achieve
proximity, support, and love, while expecting that these attempts will fail (Dell’Isola et al.,
2021). Highly anxious attachment individuals may see sexual activities as an attempt to fulfil
unmet attachment-related needs and therefore may experience sex as dissatisfying and disappointing
(Rouleau et al., 2018).
Conclusion
Each of us has an attachment style. It is important for each of you (individually) to identify your
attachment style. This will go a long way in understanding your responses to threat and conflict within
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close relationships like marriage. With understanding it is possible to question incorrect assumptions
about our partner and save ourselves much grief when we realise it’s not about them, it’s about me. We
would urge you to keep this attachment styles in mind as you tackle chapter 6 which deals with conflict.
Perhaps you already know your attachment style from the brief descriptions we have shared, but
in case you have not, go ahead and discover what that style is. There are numerous tools that are freely
available to assist you in your quest to discover how you attach. Here is a link to one of the free
attachment style tests https://www.attachmentproject.com/attachment-style-quiz/. Discuss your
attachment style with your partner to enhance your knowledge and understanding of one another.
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Chapter 3: The Blended Family: An Introduction
The term blended family replaced the term stepfamily to describe a family in which a new
spousal relationship is formed (either as a result of divorce or the death of one parent). This results in
the bringing together of either one, or both parents’ child or children. In essence, blended families
include children, and typically have at least one parent who is a stepparent (Gonzales, 2009). There is
also an increasing number of first marriages that are forming blended families due to an increase in non-
marital birth rates (single mothers) (Lucier-Greer et al., 2012).
When blended families try to imitate the nuclear family model when forming, they encounter
serious challenges and face an elevated risk for subsequent divorce (Dell’Isola et al., 2021; Dupuis,
2010). Indeed compared to first marriages, blended families report more conflict, tension,
maladjustment and are less resilient (Dell’Isola et al., 2021; Musavi et al., 2019). This is why is it so
imperative that such couples receive some form of premarital counselling, Gonzales (2009). With
blended families, each family must set its own set of rules (Dupuis, 2010). The work of establishing
these rules is by no means a small feat, and has been found to increase the likelihood of divorce when
they try to imitate the nuclear family model (Dupuis, 2010). On average the work of integrating a
blended family has been found to take 5-7 years (Dupuis, 2010). This is a long integration process
which can be disheartening for some leading to early dissolution of such marriages.
The face of the traditional family structure is changing with the high rate of divorce. This comes
with high rates of remarriage, with 65% of remarriages creating blended families. These unions are more
likely to involve children from previous relationships. The complex transitions that blended families
undergo pose potential changes to parent child relationships, formation of new stepchild – stepparent
relationships. There are various types of remarriages – self previously married, partner previously
married, both partners previously married with each having its own dynamic challenges (Lucier-Greer et
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al., 2012). It is estimated that up to 75% of all people who divorce remarry (Martin-Uzzi & Duval-
Tsioles, 2013). Remarriage is therefore a rising phenomenon in the present-day context, it is fair to say
that marriage is no longer a once in a lifetime event for many people in modern society (Lee, 2018). It
is also worth noting that, especially for those who remarry after a divorce, that they are usually at a
higher risk of a subsequent divorce (Dell’Isola et al., 2021). It is generally reported that in remarriages
in which both partners were previously married, the adjustment was harder and there was a higher
willingness to leave the marriage compared to remarriages in which only one partner was previously
married (Lucier-Greer et al., 2012).
Conclusion
A blended family is formed when a new family is formed that includes children, and typically,
have at least one parent who is a stepparent (Gonzales, 2009). Remarriage is one way of forming a
blended family but it is not the only one, as there is an increasing number of single mothers (Lucier-
Greer et al., 2012). Compared to first marriages, couples in blended families report more conflicts,
strain, instability and are less resilient (Dell’Isola et al., 2021; Musavi et al., 2019). The work of
integrating a blended family has been found to take 5-7 years (Dupuis, 2010). This is a long integration
process that requires that couples take time to prepare themselves.

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References
64–82. https://doi.org/10.1080/15332690802626734
64–82. https://doi.org/10.1080/15332690802626734
239–251. https://doi.org/10.1080/15332691.2010.491784
Harmony Books.

17
https://doi.org/10.1080/10502556.2012.635970
https://doi.org/10.1080/10502556.2012.743828
https://doi.org/10.1080/10502556.2018.1558856

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Chapter 4: Steps to Becoming a Blended Family
In chapter 3, we have seen that the formation of a blended family is no walk in the park. That
blended families face more challenges than nuclear families as they try to integrate, taking 5-7 years to
integrate (Dupuis, 2010). We also learnt that compared to first marriages couples in blended families
report more conflicts, strain, instability and are less resilient (Dell’Isola et al., 2021; Musavi et al.,
2019). In this chapter we suggest four main stages in the formation of a blended family borrowed from
the writing of Jaymes Gonzalez (2009): “Prefamily Counselling: Working with Blended Families”. The
stages comprise discovery, education, parental unification, and family unification.
Discovery
This first step involves the discovery of each family member, the spouses and the children. This
is a critical task in the formation of a blended family due to the complexities of new relationships.
Blended families don’t have the much time like traditional families do, to know each other through, trial,
error, and observation. During the discovery stage, Gonzalez (2009) suggests that families participate in
activities that can aid in getting to know one another. One of the activities can involve filling up of a
form by each family member, including the children, detailing likes and dislikes, favourites, habits,
goals, etc. This exercise will provide insightful information for the new family members. Other
activities can include personal dos and don’ts lists, drawings among other shared, fun and positive
bonding indoor or outdoor activities Gonzalez (2009). The aim being for each family member to share
who they are with the current and new family members. This stage plants the seeds for future
relationship development and cohesiveness.
Education
Education involves learning what the family should expect as they seek to become one. Here
Gonzelez (2009) emphasises three main points:

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a) That Becoming a Blended Family is not Easy
This first lesson simply serves to prepare the family members to know that difficulties
they will face are not equal to failure. As mentioned earlier in chapter one, compared to
first marriages couples in blended families report more conflict and strain, (Dell’Isola et
al., 2021; Musavi et al., 2019). Within the blended family there is some competition of
sorts between the biological parent-child dyad and the new marital dyad, with the
biological dyad often winning (Martin-Uzzi & Duval-Tsioles, 2013). That awareness of
the competition inherent in a blended family will help a couple take precautions not to
fuel it.
b) That all Blended Families are Born of Loss
Sometimes for children and even a parent, a previous parent/partner is missing either
through death or divorce (Gonzales, 2009). There could be loss of financial stability or
change of lifestyle due to the divorce or death. There is also loss of family ties and loss
occasioned by relocation. These multiple losses should not be underestimated. Where
there is a co-parenting arrangement, children find themselves as members of two
households and find themselves having to adjust to different rules, standards and ways of
behaving in the two households. This can be stressful for children and should be
discussed.
c) That Blended Families Take Time to and Patience to Develop
The fact is that an emotionally close family will take time to develop (Gonzales, 2009).
Like mentioned earlier, blended families can take up to 7 years to integrate (Dupuis,
2010). A stepparent who wants to have instant emotional closeness with a stepchild who
is not yet ready will only make things more difficult for themselves. Unlike the spousal
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subsystem in a first marriage, members in a remarried spousal subsystem often enter the
relationship when undertaking the task of childrearing. Their counterparts in a first
marriage usually have a honeymoon period in in which they learn to accommodate each
other before the children come (Dupuis, 2010).
Parental Unification
The third thing that blended families must work on is parental unification. The parental couple
face the most difficult challenges in the formation of a blended family (Gonzales, 2009). The parents of
a newly formed blended family unit are often just as bewildered as other family members and much more
overwhelmed (Gonzales, 2009). Parental unification aims at developing shared rules and expectations as
well as some agreement on the parenting styles (Gonzales, 2009). Keep in mind that compared to first
marriages, blended couples tend to pull away from discussions which affect difficult issues, negotiating
parenting roles being at the top of the list (Gonzales, 2009). Most parents in blended families find
themselves in trouble when they do not exhaustively deal with discipline in the new family. Discipline is
the number one difficulty in the blended family according to many family specialists (Gonzales, 2009).
Look out for more on parenting in a blended family in chapter 5.
Family Unification
Whereas the first stage of discovery centres on family members getting to know each other, this
fourth stage focuses on more pragmatic issues such as the feelings (fears, hopes, expectations) regarding
their new family, what their home life will be like (Gonzales, 2009). Children should be given an
opportunity to openly share their feelings on becoming a blended family. Family conferences would be
the ideal way in which this can be done. At these family gatherings, members are encouraged not to
interject or interrupt another member, instead listen and allow for other members feelings to be aired and
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validated. The establishment of these family conferences are a vital part in building the cohesiveness that
a family long for and serve to provide a clear message that the goal is to operate as one family unit.
Conclusion
These four stages of discovery, education, parental unification, and family unification serve to
create awareness that the work a blended family must undertake to begin their journey of family
integration. It gives all members of the new family an opportunity to participate in a learning process and
an adjustment process. Keep in mind that blending couples have to work twice as hard on parenting than
their counterparts in traditional families. Family conferences will allow for members to air their grievances
and be heard, creating unity.

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References
Barnacle, R. E. S., & Abbott, D. A. (2009). The Development and Evaluation of a Gottman-Based
64–82. https://doi.org/10.1080/15332690802626734
239–251. https://doi.org/10.1080/15332691.2010.491784
Harmony Books.

23
https://doi.org/10.1080/10502556.2012.635970
https://doi.org/10.1080/10502556.2012.743828
https://doi.org/10.1080/10502556.2018.1558856

24
Chapter 5: Parenting in a Blended Family
Blended families face complex transitions because of the potential changes to the parent
– child relationships and formation of new step child parent relationships, which place remarried couples
at greater risk of relationship dissolution (Musavi et al., 2019). A common mistake that couples make, is
underestimating the impact of the joining that takes place when blending. This is because in an extreme
setting, we have two sets of children, from different backgounds, who must now get to know and learn to
live with new siblings and a new parent (Gonzales, 2009; Musavi et al., 2019). Another error that couples
make, is adopting the gender roles that are traditionally part of a first marriage, where the woman is
expected to handle the general care of the children, and the man is expected to provide the disciplinary
actions (Dupuis, 2010). More often than not, this does not work because the family has not yet formed
the necessary emotional connections and child management skills. The family has yet to integrate and
form familiarity with one another. This can create stress for the new couple.
As a result of the challenges mentioned above, we find that the biological child – parent
subsystem become a safe place of sorts in the blended family (Dupuis, 2010). In contrast, in a traditional
nuclear family, that sanctuary is found in the spousal subsystem (Dupuis, 2010). In other words, a parent
will be closer to their biological child within the new blended family system, which can build resentment
with the new spouse and can lead to a competition of sorts between the biological child parent subsystem
and the spousal subsystem with the biological subsystem often winning (Dupuis, 2010). The stepparent-
stepchild subsystem is critical in a blended family. It has been found that that the survival of the
remarriage is contingent upon creating workable step – relationships (Dupuis, 2010). It is difficult to create
a happy second marriage without creating a workable step family because the non-biological relationships
are linked to what happens in the spousal subsystem. For the biological parent there is much pressure
emanating from both their spouse and their child and this “competition” can lead to resentment of the
25
child by the stepparent (Dupuis, 2010). This can lead to conflict between the spouses and lead the
stepchild to view the stepparent as an impostor in the biological child relationship and as a barrier (where
there was divorce for instance) to the repair of the original nuclear family (Dupuis, 2010).
In general, there is a higher prevalence of children living with their biological mother
after marital dissolution. This means that more often than not a blended family arrangement will involve
the introduction of a stepfather. Stepfathers are often emotionally distant and less engaged in parenting
duties in comparison to the mothers (Turner et al., 2021). This distance may be the product of the
biological mother controlling access or parental involvement the stepfather has with her own children. In
the less prevalent case where the blended family is a biological father – stepmother household, research
shows that stepmothers are expected to be more involved in parenting related matters regardless of
whether she has biological ties to the children involved. This results in parenting stress among
stepmothers. It has been found that creating workable step relationships is at the heart of survival of a
remarriage (Dupuis, 2010). It is therefore imperative that a couple understand the likely challenges they
will face with parenting responsibilities handling these new parental relationships.
Couples must be intently aware that the boundary lines are very permeable between their
relationship as a couple and that of the children, precisely because there was no time to form a stronger
spousal connection before the children arrive like in a traditional union. It has been found that there is
greater marital satisfaction among blended couples when they placed higher priority on the on the quality
of the couple relationship when compared to the child related priorities. In short don’t make children the
top priority when trying to blend. Research shows that there is greater marital stability as a result of the
efforts that newly remarried individuals made to find a satisfactory balance between the time devoted to
strengthening their new relationship and the time devoted to the needs of the dependent children within
the household. There were fewer difficulties between parents and children where the marital bond was
26
stronger. In other words, the stronger the marital union the easier it is to handle the stepchildren issues
that we have discussed above. As a couple take the time and effort to build your intimacy as a couple
first, your union and the family will be grateful that you did. We will learn how to this in chapter 7 when
we talk about laying the foundations.

27
References
Barnacle, R. E. S., & Abbott, D. A. (2009). The Development and Evaluation of a Gottman-Based
64–82. https://doi.org/10.1080/15332690802626734
239–251. https://doi.org/10.1080/15332691.2010.491784
Harmony Books.
28
https://doi.org/10.1080/10502556.2012.635970
https://doi.org/10.1080/10502556.2012.743828
https://doi.org/10.1080/10502556.2018.1558856

29
Chapter 6: Danger Signs
For those getting married the second or third time, it can be an unsettling but necessary exercise
to look backwards in order to look forward. To learn from the mistakes of the past, but more importantly
understanding the things that make a relationship not work. We briefly discuss signs that show that a
marriage is likely to fail. Among these signs, are the four horsemen of divorce (Gottman & Silver, 2015).
John Gottman and his associates carried out a research that involved observing couples in what he called
the ‘love lab’ (Gottman & Silver, 2015). From their work, Gottman and his team were able to identify
behavior patterns that can lead to divorce, 91% of the time (Gottman & Silver, 2015). Below are the signs
they identified.
The Harsh Start Up
The first of these was a harsh start up (Gottman & Silver, 2015). This happens when a discussion
starts off with criticism and /or sarcasm. Gottman & Silver (2015) suggest that the first three minutes of a
discussion were the most vital and were bound to predict how that discussion would end up – and couples
who begin with a harsh start up are bound to end up in trouble. An example of a harsh start up statement
would be like in a case where a husband had been sent to the shops to collect some groceries and he comes
back with only some of them and his wife says, “can’t you get anything right”. A harsh start up simply
puts the couple on a collision course and unless a repair attempt is made, will lead to more problems.
The Four Horsemen
The second sign is the most notable behavior patterns Gottman et al. (2015) call the ‘four
horsemen’. The four horsemen’s presence in a marriage contributes an 82% chance that a marriage will
end up in divorce (Gottman & Silver, 2015). The four horsemen refer to four habits, that if present in a
marriage, are likely to predict its failure by up to 82% (Gottman & Silver, 2015). These are criticism,
contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. A criticism is a general negative opinion or feeling of the
30
other persons character or personality (e.g., statements that begin with “you always” or “you never” as
opposed to “you haven’t or “you didn’t” or inserting a “what’s wrong with you?” in a sentence).
Contempt arises when one has a sense of superiority over ones partner (Gottman & Silver, 2015).
According to Gottman et al. (2015) these include: sarcasm, eye-rolling, mockery, and hostile humor. In
essence contempt coveys disgust (Gottman & Silver, 2015). Contempt is powered by long festering
negative thoughts about your partner which is likely if your differences are not resolved (Gottman &
Silver, 2015).
The third horseman is defensiveness (Gottman & Silver, 2015). This tendency to defend comes
as a natural response to the attack that a spouse is experiencing from their partner, but research shows that
defensiveness rarely has the desired effect. Stonewalling is the fourth horseman. Stonewalling is the
outcome of the lineup of a harsh start up, criticism, contempt, and defensiveness which lead to a “zoning
out” (Gottman & Silver, 2015). In stonewalling a partner will simply disengage to avoid fights but in the
process also avoids his marriage. When stonewalling, a partner tends to look away or down without
uttering a sound and acts as though he couldn’t care less about what is being said (Gottman & Silver,
2015).
Flooding and Body Language
After the horsemen, comes a third sign that a marriage is likely to end up in divorce, this is
flooding. Flooding is a feeling of being psychologically and physically overwhelmed which occurs when
a spouses negativity is so intense and sudden that it leaves the other partner ‘shell shocked’ (Gottman &
Silver, 2015). Flooding is closely related to the fourth sign which is body language. It refers to how the
body respond to the stressful situation that results from the four horsemen and is a build up from the
recurring episodes of flooding. Fundamentally what Gottman et al. (2015) found was that the flooded
partners experiences two major signs, the first is being severe emotional distressed when dealing with the
31
other and the second is the physiological effects of an increased heart rate, sweating, and blood pressure
mounting. This is the body’s way of protecting itself adopting the “fight or flight” posture.
Failed Repair Attempts
According to Gottman et al. (2015) the fifth sign of trouble is what they term as, “failed repair
attempts”. Repair attempts are efforts that a couple make to de-escalate the tension during a sensitive
discussion. Repairs are intended on preventing flooding. Repair attempts can be as small as taking a time
out in a heated discussion or using humor to de-escalate a potentially explosive argument. Gottman et al.
(2015) predict that when the four horsemen are present in a relationship but are mitigated by repair
attempts a marriage is likely to succeed. A good example of a repair attempt is the making of a joke in the
middle of an argument or simply saying “lets stick to the subject at hand”.
Bad Memories
The sixth sign that Gottman and his team found to be a predictor of failed marriages is what they
called “bad memories’”. They found that in a marriage where the couple were deeply engrained in a
harmful view of their spouse and their marriage, the couple would end up rewriting their past. In a happy
marriage, couples look back at their early years with fondness but when the marriage is in trouble, they
tend to rewrite history and pick on the worst aspects of their early interactions (Gottman & Silver, 2015).
Conclusion
In this chapter we can learn from the observations that Dr. Gottman and his colleagues made of
the couples they put in the love lab. Harsh start up, contempt, criticism, defensiveness, all led to what
Gottman calls, flooding. Flooding in turn leads to stonewalling, completing the four horsemen that predict
the 82% likelihood that divorce is imminent. Once these are in a relationship, it is difficult for any attempts
to repair during a conflict, to work. The body is physiologically inept and the partners suffer severe
32
emotional distress. Partners at this stage end up having a deeply engrained negative view of their marriage
and their partner.
Conflict in a second marriage is bound to be inevitably high because of the complex nature of a
blended family. But, research shows that successful conflict resolution is not what makes marriages work
(Gottman & Silver, 2015). Gottman and his team found that couples that have maintained happy marriages
have a deep based friendship, have a mutual enjoyment of each other’s company, are well versed with
each other’s likes and dislikes, personality quirks, hopes and dreams, constantly expressing their fondness
through small gestures daily. In the next chapter we look at the seven principles that Gottman found would
increase the chances of a better marital union.
References
64–82. https://doi.org/10.1080/15332690802626734
64–82. https://doi.org/10.1080/15332690802626734

33
239–251. https://doi.org/10.1080/15332691.2010.491784
Harmony Books.
https://doi.org/10.1080/10502556.2012.635970
https://doi.org/10.1080/10502556.2012.743828
https://doi.org/10.1080/10502556.2018.1558856
34
References
Rouleau, E., Farero, A., & Timm, T. (2018). Attachment, Conflict Resolution, and Sexual Satisfaction in
Adoptive Couples, Adoption Quarterly. Adoption Quarterly, 21:4, 307-326, DOI:
10.1080/10926755.2018.1513107.
Current Relationship Status. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, DOI:
10.1080/10502556.2018.1558856.
Ali, E., Letourneau, N., & Benzies, K. (2021). Parent-Child Attachment: A Principle-Based Concept
Analysis. SAGE Open Nursing, https://doi.org/10.1177/23779608211009000.
Busby, D. M., Boden, J., Niehuis, S., Reifman, A., & Fitzpatrick, J. (2017). Predicting Partner
Enhancement in Marital Relationships: The Family of Origin, Attachment, and Social Network
35
Approval. Journal of Family Issues, 38(15), 2178–2199.
https://doi.org/10.1177/0192513X15618994.
36
Chapter 7: Laying the Foundation for Marital Friendship
John Gottman laid down seven principles that make marriages work. His earlier writing on it
referred to these as “The Sound Marital House” (Gottman, 1999). He asserts that the Sound Marital House
lower levels ought to be functional to enable building on the higher levels (Barnacle & Abbott, 2009a).
In this chapter, we draw your attention to the first four principles comprising love maps, fondness and
admiration, turning towards versus turning away, and letting your partner influence you. These form the
foundation that is needed for a marriage to become a friendship. Happy marriages are based on deep
friendships (Gottman & Silver, 2015). If you are remarrying having been in one or more marriages, you
will appreciate that your next marriage needs to be different. This chapter gives the foundations for that.
Enhance Your Love Maps
A love map simply refers to how well partners know each other’s psychological world. These
includes their likes and dislikes, friendships, work stress, their dreams and aspirations, etc. Having a
sketch of one another’s joys, likes, dislikes, fears, stresses is being an emotionally intelligent
couple(Gottman & Silver, 2015). Dr. Gottman calls that part of the brain that stores relevant information
about your partners life, a love map. Couples that have a detailed love map of each other are far better
prepared to cope with the stressful events and conflict that marriage is bound to bring up. For you to have
an effective love map you must spend quality time getting to know your partner and then maintain that
information over time. To gather that information is intuitive but there are tools that you can use, questions
that aim at getting to know your spouse’s everyday life, their hopes, their fears, their dreams. Gottman et
al. (2015) in his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, provides a list of questions that
you can use to help you begin this journey. Follow this link to a set of 20 questions that can get you
started http://rhlink.com/mmw008 (Gottman & Silver, 2015). This love maps need to be updated regularly
as life changes happen in your lives. Open questions like:

37
do you see your work changing in the future?;
how would you compare yourself as a mother (father) to your own father (mother)?;
what kind of people do you think our children will become? Any fears? Any hopes?;
what is the most exciting thing happening in your life right now?;
when it comes to the future, what do you worry about most?
An extract of these and other questions from the book by Gottman et al. (2015) have been provided as
part of the appendix for this manual.
Fondness and Admiration
For a marriage to be remain effective, a couple must be willing to demonstrate ongoing affection
and respect (Barnacle & Abbott, 2009a). According to Gottman et al. (2015) verbal praise and physical
affection create a culture of appreciation in a marriage. This physical affection is different from sexual
passion and interaction (Barnacle & Abbott, 2009a). Fondness and admiration means that you as a couple
maintain some fundamental sense that the other is worthy of being respected and even liked (Gottman &
Silver, 2015). That though one may feel frustrated by their partners personality flaws, they still feel that
the person they married is worthy of respect. Fondness and admiration are crucial to friendship, they are
antidotes for contempt. When you maintain a sense of respect for your spouse, you are unlikely to act
disgusted with him or her when you disagree. A practical way of putting this into practice is to get into
the habit of scanning for qualities and actions that you can appreciate in our spouse and then let your
partner know what you’ve observed and are grateful for, e.g., “I love the way you handled the children,
you’re a good mother”; or “I appreciate the way you teach the Sunday school class.” They don’t have to
be momentous acts, just small every day moments. Gottman et al., (2015) have a good comment for men,
directed at their wives, “you look so hot in that outfit, I’m having all kinds of bad thoughts”. Gottman et
38
al. (2015) remind us that contempt is corrosive, and it breaks down the bond between husband and wife.
Being in touch with the inherent positive feelings that you have for each other will deter you from being
contemptuous.
Turning Toward vs Turning Away
In the daily hum drum of being a couple there will be moments when your spouse will bid for your
attention, affection, humour or support (Gottman & Silver, 2015). These are brief exchanges that the
husband and wife have that let your partner know that he or she is valued during the everyday grind of the
day. According to Gottman et al. (2015) a tendency to turn towards your partner is the origin of trust,
emotional connection, passion, and a satisfying sex life. Couples who turned 86% towards their partner’s
bids, in the love lab experiment that Gottman and his colleagues carried out, remained married when
follow up six years later, while those that had averaged only 33% ended up divorced (Gottman & Silver,
2015). An example of turning toward might go something like this, Njoroge is looking for his running
shoes to go for his morning walk and can’t seem to find them, he mumbles something and Julie his wife
notices and chooses to ask him what the matter is. She then proceeds to get the shoes from under the bed
where he had left them the last time, he had a walk. Julie has responded to a bid. Bids are simply everyday
interactions that are aimed at being helpful to one another, these go a long way to building up the emotional
bank account than a holiday vacation.
Let Your Partner Influence You
This simple refers to allowing your partner influence the decisions that you take. This is especially
applicable to the men. Gottman et al. (2015) in a long-term study found that men who allowed their wives
to influence them had happier relationships and were less likely to eventually divorce than men who
resisted their wives’ influences. Most wives will let their husbands influence their decisions by taking
their opinions and feelings into account, but not so the men (Gottman & Silver, 2015).
39
In this chapter we have covered the first four levels – (1) love maps, (2) fondness and admiration,
(3) turning toward vs. turning away, lay the foundation for marital friendship (Barnacle & Abbott, 2009a)
and (4) letting your partner influence you. Remember that the work of integrating a blended family has
been found to take 5-7 years (Dupuis, 2010). This is a long integration process which can be disheartening
for some leading to early dissolution of a marriage. If as a couple you take practice and develop the above
skills, your new marriage will stand a much better chance in light of the complex nature of blending a
family.
40
References
Gottman, J. M. (1999). The marriage clinic: A scientifically based marital therapy. New York: Norton.
64–82. https://doi.org/10.1080/15332690802626734
64–82. https://doi.org/10.1080/15332690802626734
239–251. https://doi.org/10.1080/15332691.2010.491784
Harmony Books.
41
https://doi.org/10.1080/10502556.2012.635970
https://doi.org/10.1080/10502556.2012.743828
https://doi.org/10.1080/10502556.2018.1558856

42
Chapter 8: Dealing with Conflict
In his 5th Principle (solving your solvable problems), Gottman et al. (2015) point out two kinds of
problems in marriage, perpetual problems and solvable problems. Perpetual problems are the ones that
remain a part of our lives forever in one form or another while solvable ones are the just that, they can be
resolved. 69% of marital conflict falls under perpetual problems (Gottman & Silver, 2015). One writer
puts it this way, “when choosing a long term partner, you will be inevitably choosing a particular set of
unsolvable problems that you will grapple with for the next ten, twenty or fifty years” (Gottman & Silver,
2015). So, in picking your mate, you have already picked a particular set of problems that will be
perpetual. When couples don’t cope with perpetual problems, they get gridlocked instead. When
gridlocked over a perpetual problem, partners will feel rejected by their spouse, make no headway despite
talking about it, unwillingness to budge, feel frustrated and hurt, conversations about the problem are
devoid of humour, amusement or affection, etc (Gottman & Silver, 2015). At the heart of gridlocked
conflict are unanswered dreams, some profound difference between the two of you that needs to be
addressed before you lay the problem in its place (Gottman & Silver, 2015).
One way to tell the difference between solvable and perpetual problems is that solvable problems
seem less painful or intense than the perpetual, gridlocked ones. Let us use an example to demonstrate
this. David and Beryl have been married for 10 years. David has always wanted to start off a business but
remains uncertain as to what that business is. He has toyed with the idea of leaving his frustrating job.
Beryl hates having these discussions with David because she doesn’t think a business startup will afford
the mortgage and pay the school fees. Whenever the subject comes up, David feels unsupported and stuck
and Beryl feels that David wants to dump their financial burdens on her. Deep down the real issues revolve
43
around security, trust and selfishness as opposed to leaving empployment. Until they get down to the
deeper meaning, they will not be able to address the problem at hand.
In resolving conflict most marriage therapists recommend listening intently to what your partners
says and then communicate back what you hear with empathy (looking at things from his/her perspective).
In the studies done by Gottman and his team, they found that a large number of people who had wonderful
relationships did not practice this communication techniques (Gottman & Silver, 2015). Gottman et al.
(2015) studied what these happy couples did and came up with five steps to solving solvable problems:
a) Soften your start-up
This entails sharing some responsibility for the issue at hand; saying how one feels about
the specific situation and stating our need. Avoid pointing a finger at your partner, point
instead at yourself while at the same time look for the longing behind the negative
feelings you may be having (Gottman & Silver, 2015). For a soft start up to be effective it
needs to be devoid of criticism and or contempt(Gottman & Silver, 2015).
b) Learn to make and receive repair attempts
This is nothing more than putting the brakes on when having discussions that start off on
the wrong foot. These can be simple acts like, taking a time out, maintaining a sense of
humour, calming oneself down, pointing out that we need to stop and start over, soothing
the other partner when he or she is upset. These repair attempts will ensure that any
flooding that may be happening is stopped and the conversation can take on a more sober
disposition (Gottman & Silver, 2015).
c) Soothe yourself and each other
Conflict discussion can trigger flooding. This is where one is physiologically and
psychologically overwhelmed. The body is in distress and the heart is pounding, you
44
could be sweating or holding your breath. Any repair attempts at this point may not work
because the person is already flooded. To deal with the situation Gottman et al. (2015)
recommend you end the discussion for a while and let your spouse know that you are
feeling flooded. Then spend some twenty minutes doing something that can soothe you,
something than can calm the body. Such exercises can include breathing deeply, tensing
and relaxing the muscles or even lying back on a comfortable chair, the idea is to get a
tone down the physiological effects that a heated conflict will elicit.
d) Compromise
There is not going around the fact that at the crux of the matter in any conflict requires
some sort of accommodation for each other. Gottman et al. (2015) point out that
compromise is not just about one person changing, it’s about finding ways to accommodate
each other. It requires that we accept our partners imperfections as opposed to being on
campaign to alter them. For compromise to work you cannot have a closed mind to your
spouse’s opinions and desires (Gottman & Silver, 2015). You may not agree with
everything your spouse says or even beliefs but you need to remain open to considering his
or her position. The inability to be open minded is a huge liability when it comes to conflict
resolution (Gottman & Silver, 2015).
e) Dealing with Emotional Injuries
Emotional injuries result from fights or conflicts that may have been suffered as a result
of what went on during an argument. They are often not about what you were fighting
about but rather how you were fighting (Gottman & Silver, 2015). In dealing with
emotional injuries, you as a couple need to keep in mind that all experience is subjective,
and that each of your perceptions is equally valid. Your goal is not to debate these
45
perspectives instead your goal is to gain greater understanding of each other’s subjective
reality (Gottman & Silver, 2015).
Conclusion
In conclusion we see that couples face two kinds of problems, solvable problems and perpetual
problems. Perpetual problems form the major portion (Gottman & Silver, 2015). We pick a mate we are
selecting a set of perpetual problems that we shall carry along for the rest of your married lives. Perpetual
problems are issues that resurface repeatedly without being solved, solvable problems can be resolved
with the appropriate communication skills as pointed out by Gottman (Barnacle & Abbott, 2009b). To
have a happier marriage it is necessary to identify the nature of the problems that you will have conflict
on so that you apply the right approach to resolving the conflict in your marriage as opposed to lumping
all problems together.

46
References
64–82. https://doi.org/10.1080/15332690802626734
64–82. https://doi.org/10.1080/15332690802626734
239–251. https://doi.org/10.1080/15332691.2010.491784
Harmony Books.

47
https://doi.org/10.1080/10502556.2012.635970
https://doi.org/10.1080/10502556.2012.743828
https://doi.org/10.1080/10502556.2018.1558856

48
Conclusion
One of the biggest problem that couples who are remarrying are faced with, is the lack of
resources to aid them in the complexities they face when forming a new marriage (Gonzales, 2009;
Lucier-Greer et al., 2012), by extension a new blended family. This manual was prepared with the
couple that are remarrying in mind and is aimed at highlighting areas that the couple explore to give
their marriage a better chance of succeeding.
The first two chapters hopefully raised your awareness on things you may need to deal with as
you consider getting into another relationship. Take the time to work through any issues that came up
individually. The next three chapters revealed what a blended family looks like and the challenges that
you are going to face when your family blends. It illuminates what can be done to mitigate the risks you
are likely to face as couple and as step parents.
Among the last chapters we cover the secrets of what Dr. Gottman and his team found from
couples that have maintained happy marriages, i.e., a deep based friendship, a mutual enjoyment of each
other’s company, being well versed with each other’s likes and dislikes, personality quirks, hopes and
dreams, and constantly expressing fondness through small gestures daily. We also discover that by
marrying the person you are choosing, you marry a perpetual set of problems that you will have to live
with.
We pray that the manual has been useful to you as a couple and has shed some light on areas that
you will reflect on as you prepare to tie the knot once more. Good luck and God’s speed in you’re
journey!

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Project Paper: A Premarital Manual for Couples Who Are Remarrying

Kenneth Muchiri [MFT/17785/0/20]

MPC 600: Sexuality and Premarital Therapy

15th March 2022

Chapter 1: Dealing with the Past .................................................................................................... 5

Chapter 2: Attachment Styles ....................................................................................................... 11

Chapter 3: The Blended Family: An Introduction ........................................................................ 14

Chapter 4: Steps to Becoming a Blended Family ......................................................................... 18

Chapter 5: Parenting in a Blended Family .................................................................................... 24

Chapter 6: Danger Signs ............................................................................................................... 29

Chapter 7: Laying the Foundation for Marital Friendship ............................................................ 36

Chapter 8: Dealing with Conflict .................................................................................................. 42

marriages and 73% for third marriages (Bean et al., 2021).

relate to those closest to us.

remarriage is contingent upon creating workable step relationships (Dupuis, 2010).

eaten, (Joel 2:25a). Welcome to this fascinating journey.

Chapter 1: Dealing with the Past

Set Relational Patterns

understand these patterns.

opinion or help him make decisions. This frustrates him.

Dealing with Loss and Grief

experience a reactivation of the grief emotions as they enter a new marriage.

spousal relationship on the newly formed marriage.

Review, 57(8), 721–740. https://doi.org/10.1080/01494929.2021.1958123

Preparation: The Attachment-Differentiation Premarital Model. Journal of Couple &

Relationship Therapy, 20(2), 149–173. https://doi.org/10.1080/15332691.2020.1829522

Remarriage, 50(2), 148–157. https://doi.org/10.1080/10502550802365862

divorce Well-being in Initiators and Non-Initiators of Divorce. Journal of Divorce &

Remarriage, 61(5), 366–383. https://doi.org/10.1080/10502556.2020.1768487

Experiences of Couples in First Marriages and Remarriages in Couple and Relationship

Education. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 53(1), 55–75.

Families. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 54(1), 43–57.

Current Relationship Status. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 60(5), 404–417.

Remarriage, 54(3), 197–213. https://doi.org/10.1080/10502556.2013.773798

Remarriage, 60(5), 333–345. https://doi.org/10.1080/10502556.2018.1488122

social policy upheavals. Death Studies, 1–9. https://doi.org/10.1080/07481187.2021.1975174

Sierra, T. (n.d.). Working_with_Remarried_Couples.pdf. Regent University.

Chapter 2: Attachment Styles

A securely attached individual represents a crucial construct predicting later psychological

aversion (Dell’Isola et al., 2021).

satisfaction in the relationship (Rouleau et al., 2018).

individual engages in a hyperactive attachment strategy, which consists of attempts to achieve

(Rouleau et al., 2018).

attachment style tests https://www.attachmentproject.com/attachment-style-quiz/. Discuss your

Chapter 3: The Blended Family: An Introduction

marital birth rates (single mothers) (Lucier-Greer et al., 2012).

married (Lucier-Greer et al., 2012).

process that requires that couples take time to prepare themselves.

Review, 57(8), 721–740. https://doi.org/10.1080/01494929.2021.1958123

Preparation: The Attachment-Differentiation Premarital Model. Journal of Couple &

Relationship Therapy, 20(2), 149–173. https://doi.org/10.1080/15332691.2020.1829522

Remarriage, 50(2), 148–157. https://doi.org/10.1080/10502550802365862

divorce Well-being in Initiators and Non-Initiators of Divorce. Journal of Divorce &

Remarriage, 61(5), 366–383. https://doi.org/10.1080/10502556.2020.1768487

Experiences of Couples in First Marriages and Remarriages in Couple and Relationship

Education. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 53(1), 55–75.

Families. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 54(1), 43–57.

Current Relationship Status. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 60(5), 404–417.