A Collection of Beautiful English Jokes – Part 3

Prof. Diana-Petruța MAHU

Jokes are an excellent source for learning a new language. So, use
them for your benefit! Tell jokes to your friends. Translate jokes from your native
language into English and vice-versa. You could even make your own jokes in
English, so do not hesitate to put your creativity to work. Enjoy the amazing
journey of learning English through juicy, delicious jokes!

***

tongue twisters:

They threw three thousand free thistles Thursday.

The sixth Sheik’s sheep is surely sick.

He ran from Indies to the Andes in his undies.

Is there a pleasant peasant present?

A lump of red leather, a red leather lump.

Sixty-six thick things and sixty-six thin things.

Please, Paul, pause for applause.

Cross crossing cautiously.

The horse’s hard hoofs hit the hard high road.

Freddy thrush flies through the thick fog.

A yellow yo-yo young Hubert used to use.

Nine nimble noblemen nibbling nuts.

***

limericks:

A young man who’s as bald as a bat

Spilt hair tonic all over the mat.
It’s grown so much higher
We can’t see the fire,
And we think that it’s smothered the cat.

A nervous young lady called Jane

Was terribly sick on a train.
Folk made such a fuss,
She got on a bus,
And threw up all over again.

There was a young lady from Gloucester

Whose parents thought they had lost her.
From the fridge came a sound
And at last she was found,
The trouble was – how to defrost her?

A man in a pub said, “I think

There’s a black hairy thing in my drink.”
Said the barmaid quite cool,
“It’s a false eyelash, you fool!
It sometimes falls off when I blink.”

A very strange fellow named Clark

Gobbles spiders up, just for a lark.
He’s gone very hairy,
And looks awful scary,
But spins lovely webs in the park.

***

idioms:

have a bone to pick with somebody – something that you say when you want to
talk to someone about something they have done that has annoyed you;
I have a bone to pick with you. Did you eat that chocolate mousse I was
saving for my tea?
“What did one angry skeleton say to the other?”
“I’ve got a bone to pick with you.”

keep something under one's hat - Fig. To keep something a secret; to keep
something in one's mind (only).
I'm getting married, but keep it under your hat.
“I have a date with a girl and she doesn’t know I wear a wig.”
“Well, keep it under your hat.”
 put two and two together – to figure something out from the information
available;
Well, I put two and two together and came up with an idea of who did it.
Did you hear about the chap who blamed mathematics for his divorce? His wife put
two and two together.

all the rage - Fig. in current fashion;

A new dance called the "floppy disc" is all the rage.
“Why are you so angry?”
“It’s all the rage nowadays.”

down in the dumps - discouraged, depressed, or sad;

She's been down in the dumps ever since she lost the match.
Sue: I always know what to do to cheer myself up. Whenever I’m down in the
dumps, I get myself some new clothes.
Pam: So that explains it! I always wondered where you got such unusual clothes
from.

save (something) for a rainy day - Fig. to reserve something - usually money -
for some future need
I've saved a little money for a rainy day.
In Britain, to save for a rainy day and to save for a holiday are usually the same
thing.

jump to conclusions - Fig. To judge or decide something without having all the
facts;
Now don't jump to conclusions. Wait until you hear what I have to say.
My mother-in-law keeps fit by jumping to conclusions.

Bibliografie:

1. Fun Class Activities – Games and Activities with Laughter, Peter Watcyn-
Jones, Editura Pearson și Penguin, 2010
2. Umor englezesc, Dan Duțescu, Editura Universal Dalsi, 1993
3. Jokes in English for the ESL Classroom - http://iteslj.org/c/jokes.html/