Emotional Intelligence and Your Pathway to Success 3

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE STRATEGIES

Understand your emotions

and put them into words.

Recognize emotional responses

and their consequences.

Change emotional responses.

Strategy 1: Understand Your Emotions

and Put Them into Words
We experience emotions all the time, and sometimes we let those emotions control
us. The problem is, we do not always know when our emotions are control1ing us.
The first requirement for EQ is to realize when you are experiencing an emotion and
to name that emotion. Then, you can make intentional choices about how to react to
the emotion. Look at Mia's responses, which follow, to see why this step is so
important.
intelligence is
The firs1st step in understanding and
exercising naming your feelings so
emotional that you can decide on a suitable
response to them.

To improve your EQ, start jotting down every emotion you have. It's easy to jot
down major emotional responses such as anger or sadness, but we sometimes
overlook the less intense-but equally important-emotions. Keep a small pad of
paper with you, or use the Notes app on your smartphone. Log your emotions and
keep track of them. To get started, use the "Common Emotions" chart to review the
various emo tions that most of us experience frequently. If you are unsure of the
meaning of some of these words, refer to a dictionary or thesaurus for more
information.
 4 Reading and Writing as Integrated Processes

Strategy 2: Recognize Emotional

Responses and Their Consequences •
If you have ever seen a toddler have a temper tantrum, you have seen the power of
emotions! When we fail to recognize and control our emotions, we often act inappro
priately. We might make hasty decisions that affect our lives and the people we love,
or we might act out in ways that cause us to lose our jobs, our opportunities, or even
our lives. Once you become adept at recognizing and naming your emotions, you will
start to notice that emotions are sometimes followed by irrational thoughts.
When you experience an emotion, get in the habit of analyzing the thoughts the
emotion brings with it. By doing this, you will be able to think more clearly and act
more reasonably. Do not react immediately. Give yourself a few minutes to think.
Notice what happens to Keith's response when he takes a moment to reflect.

Taking some time to get over your initial emotional response can lead to a calmer and more useful response to the situation.

It is easy to see how failing to control your emotions might lead to making poor
choices in life. Work on taking the time to think about your feelings, correct irrational
thoughts, and make decisions that are in keeping with your life goals.
 Emotional Intelligence and Your Pathway to Success 5

Strategy 3: Change Emotional Responses

When you have a strong emotion, you need a strategy for gaining control over how you
react to it. Use these three methods for controlling your emotional responses.

Reframe. Strong emotions often lead us to irrational thoughts. Earlier, you saw
that when Keith received a low grade on a paper, he started thinking the worst: 'Tm
stupid. I'm not cut out for college." If Keith does not rethink his response, he might
actually begin to believe these irrational thoughts. Then he may do something unwise,
"i such as drop out of
college.

Reframing is looking at a problem or situation from a different point of view. You

can reframe irrational thoughts by stepping back for a moment and trying to find a new
way to think about the situation. Keith received a bad grade, and of course, he felt dis
appointed. But maybe there are other, more rational ways to think about what just
happened. If Keith is honest with himself, he may say, "Okay, I know I didn't study as
much as I should have." Or if he did study a lot, he can still reframe: "I didn't do well,
but that doesn't mean I can't learn this stuff. I will just have to learn to study a new
way and will need to get a tutor. I can learn anything if I really want to."
By reframing your thoughts, you can control emotions and make better decisions,
decisions that enable you to reach your life's goals.
Become More Flexible. Sometimes we go through unnecessary anguish
because we simply aren't flexible enough. Let's go back to the toddler example.
It's common to see a young child have a tantrum for seemingly minor reasons such as
not getting to eat dessert before dinner. With a bit of flexibility, the toddler could
talk herself into waiting for dessert and spare everyone her tantrums, but toddlers'
brains aren't developed well enough to think logically. Adult brains, however, are!
When we intentionally become more flexible, we change an emotional state. For
instance, it's easy to get frustrated and angry when you are waiting in a long line. And
if someone cuts in line, those feelings intensify. How can we use flexibility to change
these feelings?
First, we can develop flexibility on a practical level. If you are waiting in line
and have another appointment for which you might be late, think of the options at
your disposal. You don't have to continue to wait in the line. You can leave and
come back later. Alternatively, you can be late for the next appointment. If you are
usually on time, people will probably be forgiving. But you have to remember that
fact and talk yourself into feeling more flexible! Another option is to simply use
your phone to call and reschedule the next appointment. Or you can question the
reason you are in line. Perhaps the thing you are waiting for is not worth the wait.
You do not have to do anything.· No one is forcing you to stand in line. By thinking
of alternatives, you can be more flexible and control your situation-and the
emotions that go with it.
Flexibility is especially important in college. Imagine that you just had a fight
with your girlfriend or boyfriend, and you have to go to class. You may be
tempted to sit in the back row, slump down, text friends during class, and tune
out. But you know that those behaviors won't help you reach your goals. You've
already gone through all the trouble of getting to class. What a waste if you are
going to just tune out!
So think of other alternatives. You might tell yourself, "I have all afternoon to
think about our fight. I will spend this class time tuning in and spend the rest of the day I
thinking about what I want." Or you might challenge yourself, like this: "Okay, I am
challenging myself to control this emotion. I'm going to act the opposite of how I feel. 1
I'm going to sit up, participate, listen, and tune in. Let's see jf I can do it." Thinking
about alternatives can enable you to have flexibility when you have to deal with emo
tions that can sabotage your success.
I
 Emotional Intelligence and Your Pathway to 9
Success

Develop an Internal Locus {Center) of Control. Who controls you? As

a toddler, you were controlled by your parents. As you grew up, you increasingly
began to control your own behaviors. As adults, we exercise a lot of control over
our lives, but we also know that some things-such as getting cancer or being laid
off-are beyond our control. People who have an external locus of control tend to
believe that most of their life situations are beyond their control. Conversely, people
who have an internal locus of control tend to believe that although some things
are beyond their control, for the most part, they are in control of their lives.
People who believe they are in control of their lives tend to feel more
emotionally stable than people who believe life controls them. A person with an
internal locus of control can deal with hard times better than a person with an external
locus of control. Read through the next scenario to see how Leah's locus of control
affects her thinking.

When you believe that you,

and not outside circum
stances, are mostly in control
of your life, you also believe
that you have the ability to
resolve issues that arise.

People who do not think they can affect their life circumstances often make
assumptions that lead to bad decisions.
It is true that we cannot control everything that happens to us, but how we react
to life can make a big difference to our success. One way to gain an internal locus of
control is to change the scripts that run through our minds. Here are some examples.
10 Reading and Writing as Integrated Processes

To develop an internal locus of control, try these things:

■ Take responsibility. You have to take responsibility for the successes-and
failures-in your life. That can be difficult. It's hard to admit when we make
mistakes, but blaming our circumstances on others will lead to only more failure.
• Refuse to be a victim. Think of yourself as a person in control. It is true that
sometimes we are victims, but we can reclaim control of our lives by taking
positive actions that eliminate fear and hopelessness.
• Find solutions. Don't allow life's setbacks to destroy your dreams. Think cre
atively and find solutions. Ask other people to help you solve problems. Reach
out to people who can help. Take an active part in your success and in regaining
control of your life. Above all, do something. Don't let life happen to you. Take
actions that help you regain a sense of control over your life.
• Think positively. You have to believe that you can control your life. If you have

no hope, you will not be able to find solutions to the problems that threaten
success. Believe that where there is a will, there is a way. Start a belief journal.
Write down everything you believe you are capable of and go over those beliefs
every day.
 Emotional Intelligence and Your Pathway to 1
Success 1

Thinking Critically
While emotional intelligence helps us to navigate and control our feelings, critical
thinking helps us to improve our logic and problem-solving abilities. Critical
thinking is the practice of forming and asking key questions about the texts you
read and the situations you encounter in life. Critical thinkers go on to answer
these key questions in order to form rational judgments and find creative
solutions to problems.

An Example of Critical Thinking

While critical thinking sometimes relies on having background knowledge, it also
involves being able to predict difficulties, question assumptions, and solve problems.
In the workplace, being able to think critically often separates managers from
lower-level employees.
Consider this scenario: Monica is a clerk at a rental car agency. It is a busy
Friday afternoon, and lines of people are waiting to pick up rental vehicles for
weekend travel. Monica's supervisor, Fred, who is the store manager, has to leave
suddenly to handle a family emergency. Monica and Jill, another entry-level
employee, are the only rental clerks available. They are managing to keep the lines
moving and keep customers happy, much to Monica's relief.
A customer whom Monica recognizes-an administrative assistant for the local
university's sports.program-comes in the door. He greets Monica by name; he has
done so much business with the rental agency that he has developed a warm relation
ship with all the employees. In fact, the agency relies on the university's business to
meet its sales goals each month.
He bypasses the line of customers and asks to have a private word with Monica.
An unexpected situation has come up, he says, and the basketball team needs three
vans immediately. Monica doesn't even have to look at her computer to know that the
agency's last three vans have already been reserved by customers who are waiting in
line. She checks anyway, and sure enough, the vans are reserved. Pulling Jill aside,
she asks her advice. Jill has no idea what to do. Monica texts Fred, but she gets no
answer. She calJs a nearby agency, but they have no vehicles available.
What should Monica do? Should she lease the vans to the loyal university
customer and turn away the people who already have reservations? Surely, the
company would do better financially to retain the university's business than to
satisfy three casual customers. But would such an action be fair? What would her
boss do, she wonders? What are the things she should consider to make this
decision?
Monica needs to examine her assumptions and ask questions in order to solve this
problem. First, she can articulate her goals in the situation: accommodate a long-time
customer, accommodate new customers, retain as much business as possible, and
retain the company's reputation for good service. She may realize that "solving" the
problem does not necessarily mean providing the vans. Perhaps explaining her effort<;
and demonstrating her concern will preserve the company's reputation for fairness and
good service even if the vans aren't available. As Monica thinks through her ideas, she
may come to realize that being honest, fair, and as helpful as possible would generate
the best outcome for her goals.
 12 Reading and Writing as Integrated Processes

U
C!'.

Health-care professionals
.cQ
.u , , _
use critical thinking to ask
ques tions that lead them to a
el
>, cor rect diagnosis. For
E
ro example, if a patient presents
u with sei zures, a nurse or
<l)
ill
V)
physician's assistant might
' :°; ;
O J
ask him whether he has a
.0
history of neurological
.0
::, disorders. Know ing the right
g "' questions to ask requires
critical thinking.

This same kind of thinking is required in college courses. Sometimes courses

will require you to simply memorize information, a task that does not involve
thinking crit ically. Often, however, your instructors will push you to think critically
by requiring you to use that information in unpredictable ways. For example, on a
math test, you may see problems that are not like the ones you studied and reviewed
but whose solu tions are possible if you apply the knowledge you have learned. In
applying your knowl edge to solve these problems, you are thinking critically, the
way Monica has to think.

How Critical Thinking Affects Reading

and Writing Skills
Just as there is more to running a rental car agency than following a list of
instructions for checking out cars, there is more to comprehending a text than merely
understand ing its literal meaning. Critical reading requires us to ask questions: What
does this writer want me to believe? Ho_w might this writer benefit if I believe what
he has to say? What assumptions is he making? Do I agree with those assumptions?
Good writing also depends on critical thinking. We can teach a computer to
construct grammatically correct sentences, but a computer cannot write convincing
essays. It cannot analyze its audience, and it cannot analyze its own assumptions. It
cannot think of the critical questions that need to be asked. Such questions include
much more complex inquiries than simply "How many pages should this essay be?"
Effective writers ask a variety of questions that help them focus their writing. For
example, a writer might ask herself whether she should use the term woman or in a
composition. She might wonder if an audience is likely to respond more positively to
one term than the other. Her analysis can help her choose the more appropriate term
for her purpose. This kind of critical questioning will help her anticipate readers'
responses and consequently become a better writer. Just as Monica's questions can
help her determine the right course of action, critical thinking about your writing
will help you determine how to word your ideas and communicate your thoughts
effectively. Practice your critical thinking skills by completing the exercise that
follows.
 Emotional Intelligence and Your Pathway to 1
Success 3

Succeeding in College
Researchers who study the reasons for college success and the obstacles preventing it
have identified several characteristics of successful students:
■ Students who succeed are self-directed.
■ Students who succeed use resources effectively.
• Students who succeed manage their time well.
■ Students who succeed are self-reflective.

Students Who Succeed Are Self-Directed

People who are self-directed arein charge of their own learning experiences. They
find a way to learn. They do not depend solely on a textbook or on an instructor or on
hav ing the perfect learning situation. They do not wait for an instructor's advice to
go to a tutoring center. They take the initiative to find the resources they need for
success. In short, they demonstrate grit-the determination to persevere, despite
difficulties, in achieving their goals.
Angela Duckworth, a professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania,
has studied the effects of grit. Duckworth's research has shown that two qualities-grit
and self-control-are essential for success. If you have ever started a project that was
tedious, time-consuming, and difficult, you know how hard it can be to finish the
project. People who have grit finish, regardless of the difficulties and the tedium.
Once you are determined tosucceed, you can look for the tools to help you succeed.
Notice the different approaches that Ron can take in the scenario shown here.
14 Reading and Writing as Integrated Processes

INEFFECTIVE RESPONSE

SELF-DIRECTED STUDENT'S RESPONSE

Ron: I'm confused. I really
don't get this at all. I guess
I'll just wait and go to class Ron: I'm confused. I really don't
to get this at all. And this is due
see if the other students were tomorrow! So I'm going to the
confused. I don't get it, so I Success Lab on campus. I'm going to
can't work on this have to skip the game tonight, but I
have to get this figured out and
finished. I'll look up the lab's hours on
the college's
Web site.
LL
"
'
<J!
0,
"§"'
fil
ili Being self-directed means
taking responsibility for
E
your own learning.
8.. -- ---'·

Students Who Succeed Use Resources Effectively

Resources are the _tools that are available to you as you work on a task. To succeed
in college, you need to use a variety of tools: your textbooks, the learning labs on
cam pus, your supportive friends and family, computer software, Web sites, and so
on. Identifying the correct tools to use for academic tasks requires careful thinking,
and it also requires that you know what tools are at hand. Two categories of tools, in
partic ular, can assist your journey through college: human resources and content
resources.

Human Resources. Human resources are the people around you who can
provide help:

■ Your instructors are your best resources. Do not hesitate either to visit your
instructors during their office hours or to e-mail them. Professors welcome their
students' questions and office visits.
■ Look around your classes to identify peers with whom you might be able to con
nect. Consider swapping e-mail addresses with one or two classmates so you can
discuss assignments or keep up with class notes in case of absences. Of course,
always use care about giving your personal information to anyone. A campus
e-mail address is a fairly safe way to chat with a classmate, but it might not be
wise to give out your phone number or address.
• You can also form study groups to discuss course assignments. Such groups can
meet on a regular basis or only when necessary.
■ Lab instructors or tutors can also be excellent resources for professional feedback
on papers or for help with complex assignments.
■ If your campus has a writing center, use it. Writing center instructors or tutors are
specially trained to help with reading and writing assignments. Do not hesitate to
ask a writing center instructor for help with any course that requires writing.
• Additionally, student success counselors and librarians have been trained to help
 Emotional Intelligence and Your Pathway to 1
students succeed. Success 5
16 Reading and Writing as Integrated Processes

Once you have identified the available human resources on your campus, take the
next step-use them! Regularly interacting with instructors and others on campus who
are there to help will make a significant difference to your academic success.

Content Resources. Textbooks, library reference books, YouTube and

Teacher Tube videos, reading comprehension Web sites, online writing labs
(OWLs), and search engines are only a few of the content resources that can help you
succeed in college. These resources can often help you with questions you have about
coursework and careers. Librarians can help you locate a wealth of valuable content
resources. In addition, writing textbooks and carefully chosen Internet sites can be
useful.

Students Who Succeed Manage Their

Time Well
Time management is a necessity in almost every area of life. The color-coded time
management plan created by one student, Dana, is shown below.
Good time management starts with assessing your time commitments honestly
and carefully. Logging your commitments on a calendar-whether on paper, on a
computer, or on your smartphone-is one way to realistically view what you need to
get done. There are a variety of ways to sync online calendars to smartphones.
Use technology to help you when possible, but make sure that you manage your
electronic devices and that they do not manage you:
■ Turn off your phone when you study.
■ Use your phone's alarm and calendar to keep track of due dates.
■ Make your use of social media a reward to_be enjoyed after you have finished
your course work for the day.

Dana's Time Management Plan

Time Sun. Mon. Tues. Wed. Thurs. Fri. Sat.

6a.m.
7
8
9
10
11

3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
KEY

Family/children
-Lab/study time

'ork
 Emotional Intelligence and Your Pathway to 17
Success

To make a time management system, use a simple chart that lists the days of the
week and the hours of each day. Input your commitments, and schedule your study
time. Be sure to leave some hours open for flexibility. Post your plan and make others
aware of it so they can help you follow it.

Students Who Succeed Are Self-Reflective IL

0:

Reflecting is simply taking time to think about something in order to understand it or

learn from it. Self-reflection is looking at your behaviors and feelings from the outside
;
";' so that you can see yourself more objectively.
<'./i -"'
We can all think of someone-perhaps an acquaintance, a friend, or even a
family member-who makes the same mistakes repeatedly. Perhaps this person is
always late or cannot maintain a relationship. It is easy to see the person's faults, According to Plato, the ancient
and most likely, we can see what causes his failures. But it is much more diffi- Greek philosopher Socrates
cult for us to view ourselves as objectively. Self-reflection is an attempt to do said that "The unexamined life
just that. is not worth living." What do
To practice self-reflection, imagine floating to the top of a room and looking you think Socrates meant?

down at yourself, noting the things you are saying and doing. The goal is to be able to
see yourself as others see you. Think about yourself as a student. Which of your
behav iors sabotage your success? Which behaviors work for you? Self-reflective
analysis will help you view your strengths and weaknesses more objectively so you
can become the kind of learner and person you want to be.

PRACTICE
0
Using Success Strategies
You have read about four characteristics of students who are successful in col
lege. Think about your own habits and traits as a college student, and answer
these questions on your own paper.

1. Provide an example of a time when you were a self-directed student.

Alternatively, provide an example of a time when you were not self
directed enough. Explain what happened in the scenarios you
present.
2. What keeps you from being more self-directed as a student? Explain.
3. Make a list of resources (human or content) that you plan to use this
semester. Include at least one resource that you have never used
before.
4. Provide an example of an occasion on which you managed your time well.
Provide an example of a time when you did not use good time-management
strategies. Explain what happened in both scenarios.
5. What potential time problems might you face this semester? How will
you deal with them so that your college work is not affected? Explain.
6. Think about a favorite teacher you had in the past. How would he or
she describe you?
7. When you reflect on yourself as a student, what strengths do you
see? What weaknesses do you see? What potential do you have to
excel? Explain.
22 Reading and Writing as Integrated
Processes

Questions for Consideration

l. What are employability skills? Write two to three sentences defining them.
2. How do employability skills differ from academic and technical skills?
3. Read through the section describing the foundational skills employees should
have. In what other contexts are these skills important? Explain.
4. On the left side of a sheet of paper, list all the employability skills discussed in
the article. Next to each skill, write a sentence explaining whether you possess
the skill, are working on acquiring the skill, or have not developed the skill yet.
How would an employer view your abilities as a potential employee on the basis
of the list you created? Which of these skills do you plan to work on developing?
Explain in a paragraph.

Responding to the Reading

I. Which of the employability skills are actually EQ skills? Explain.
2. Choose three employability skilJs that you need to develop more fully. Write a
paragraph about each skill in which you do the following:
• Explain why you believe you need to develop the skill.
• Provide an example of a time when you would have been more successful
if you had possessed the skill.
• Finish the paragraph with ideas for how you can develop the missing skill.
3. Using the "Employability Sk.ilJs" article for ideas, write an essay in which you
identify the top five employability skills required for a job in which you are
inter ested. Explain why each skill is important for the job you choose. For
example, if you would like to be a nurse, you might discuss the importance of
problem solving.

{) ADDITIONAL ASSIGNMENTS
l. Think of a job or a class you had in the past in which discipline and behavior
were not good. What was the problem? What could your employer or instructor
have done differently to make student or worker behaviors more acceptable?
Write two or three paragraphs to explain.
2. Think of a time when you made a decision without thinking critically about it.
Perhaps you told a lie to a person you loved or bought something expensive on
an impulse. What decision did you make? What process did you use to make the
decision? Why do you think you made the decision without thinking critically?
What steps should you have taken to make a better, more-informed decision?
Write two or three paragraphs to explain.
3. Think about a time in your academic life when you failed an assignment. Was
the failure brought on because of a problem in emotional intelligence, a problem
in critical thinking, or a problem that you could have avoided by using a college
suc cess strategy? Explain your answer in a paragraph.
4. Earlier you read about Ace and Joker. With which character do you identify the
most? Why? Explain.
 Emotional Intelligence and Your Pathway to 23
Success

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
We all have good moods and bad moods. People who are "emotionally
intelligent" can explain their moods and the likely reasons for them.
They can do something else, as well: they can find ways to regulate their
moods when doing so is desirable. Psychologists suggest that people who can
control their moods have much better relationships and are happier and more
successful than people who cannot. Have you ever intentionally controlled a
mood? For example, perhaps you went to work one day feeling irritated and
snapped at your coworkers. Realizing the effects of your mood on others, you
decided to breathe deeply, relax, and say only kind things the rest of the day. If
you have managed to control a mood, what methods worked for you? What might
have happened if you had not taken control of your mood? Explain in a
paragraph.

METACOGNITION
\::t!J) Metacognition is the ability to understand how you learn and how you
think. People who are successful in college, usually have developed
their
metacognitive skills. To develop yours, consider the following
activity: Think about a college or high school class that you found very
difficult.
Imagine that you can watch a video of how you behaved (studied, attended,
listened, questioned, spoke, read, and so on) during that class. What would the
video show you doing? Describe the video in a paragraph. What insight can you
gain by looking at yourself from outside?