Executive Producer: Paul Attanasio Executive Producer: Katie Jacobs Executive Producer: David Shore Executive Producer: Bryan

Singer Executive Producer: Thomas L. Moran Executive Producer: Russel Friend Executive Producer: Garrett Lerner Executive Producer: Hugh Laurie Executive Producer: Greg Yaitanes Executive Producer: Peter Blake Co-Executive Producer: Eli Attie Co-Executive Producer: Gerrit van der Meer Co-Executive Producer: Liz Friedman Co-Executive Producer: David Foster Co-Executive Producer: John C. Kelley Supervising Producer: David Hoselton Supervising Producer: Sara Hess Supervising Producer: Seth Hoffman Supervising Producer: Katherine Lingenfelter Producer: Marcy Kaplan Co-Producer: Allen Palmer Director: Greg Yaitanes

Twenty Vicodin
EPISODE #8001

Written by Peter Blake

Script # 801

Production Draft Full Blue Revisions Pink Revisions

Revised Pages: 5, 9, 40, 41-41A, 46, 47, 53

July 21, 2011 July 26, 2011 July 29, 2011

COPYRIGHT 2011 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. THIS MATERIAL IS THE PROPERTY OF UNIVERSAL NETWORK TELEVISION LLC AND IS INTENDED DISTRIBUTION AND/OR DISCLOSURE OF THE MATERIAL TO UNAUTHORIZED PERSONS IS PROHIBITED . THE SALE, COPYING AND REPRODUCTION OF THE

AND RESTRICTED SOLELY FOR STUDIO USE AND BY STUDIO PERSONNEL. MATERIAL IN ANY FORM IS ALSO PROHIBITED .

HOUSE - Ep 801 - BLUE - 7/26/11

1.

TEASER FADE IN: 1 EXT. BEACH -- DAY Start where we ended last year. HOUSE standing on a beach somewhere. Happy. Looking at the ocean. Changing... 1

But the OCEAN'S ROAR starts getting louder.

Becoming the sound of CAR'S ENGINE, accelerating, getting louder, until we hear a CRASH... And we're: 2 INT. HOUSE'S CELL -- DAY But at first we don't know exactly where we are. We start CLOSE ON House waking up. Asleep in a bunk. Facing a wall on which are scrawled a number of astrophysics equations. He looks around and we CUT TO his POV: a GIANT MAN, sitting on a toilet, just a few feet away, staring directly at him. House frowns. REVEAL that we are in a prison cell. House is on the bottom bunk. Next to him is a journal he fell asleep reading, Journal of Particle Astrophysics. The giant is his cellmate, ASOFA. Asofa's in his 20s or 30s but it's hard to tell because he's close to 300 pounds, 6' 6". The doors open. corridor. A prison guard, C.O. ALVAREZ, stands in the 2

C.O. ALVAREZ C'mon, House. It's your big day. Put on something nice. House rises, grabbing his SIMPLE WOOD cane and starts getting dressed... HOUSE (to Asofa) If I have any lady callers, please have them wait in the salon. Asofa just stares at him - if he even understands it's not clear.

HOUSE - Ep 801 - BLUE - 7/26/11

2.

INT. 1ST FLOOR TIERS -- DAY House walks past the other cells, escorted by C.O. Alvarez. (Note: House wears "prison blues" -- denim shirt and jeans. Only the new prisoners -- the "fish" -- wear orange jumpsuits.) It's a medium-security prison. Not the worst criminals in New Jersey, but surprisingly close. Mostly black with some whites and hispanics and a few Asians. The other prisoners are getting up, going to the bathroom, washing up, doing pushups, trash-talking each other or the guards. They pay little attention to House walking by.

INT. PRISON CONFERENCE ROOM -- DAY House sits at a conference table with five ADMINISTRATORS, including the WARDEN and House's CASE WORKER. The Warden does these things every day, has become a little bored by this. House sits there, uncomfortable, hating this. WARDEN Given... (looks at file) ...Good-ish behavior and eight of twelve months time served, we have the discretion to grant parole this Friday the 10th, five days from now. (then) Are you sorry about what you did? HOUSE Yes. They wait for him to elaborate... WARDEN Yes? HOUSE That's the correct answer, isn't it? CASE WORKER Are you trying to annoy us? HOUSE No. I'm trying to give you the answers you need to cover your asses, fill out your forms and let me out of here. CASE WORKER We need you to show us remorse. (CONTINUED) It doesn't happen.

HOUSE - Ep 801 - BLUE - 7/26/11 4 CONTINUED: HOUSE Show you remorse? Is that how our system works? Release the best actors? I shudder to think what that world would be like. CASE WORKER (are you insane?) You drove your car into your exgirlfriend's house and then fled the country for three months. HOUSE (correcting) Extended vacation. I turned myself in, like a good citizen, as soon as I got back. (off their looks, the real issue) I knew her daughter was at grandma's, like every Friday. And I saw everyone else move into the living room-CASE WORKER --They could have moved back-HOUSE Which I would have noticed since I was driving right towards them-WARDEN --Shut up. (off House) We got an order to reduce overcrowding and there are inmates we need locked up much worse than you. (then) But let me be clear: if you mouth off to one guard, if we catch you with a single cafeteria tray in your cell, if you break any rules I don't even remember, you can park your ass here for four more months. (then) So forget being sorry. Can you stay out of trouble for five days? HOUSE ...Yes. But he honestly doesn't look that sure. OFF House, we-CUT TO MAIN TITLES: END OF TEASER 4

3.

HOUSE - Ep 801 - BLUE - 7/26/11

4.

ACT ONE FADE IN: 5 INT. DAY ROOM -- DAY CHYRON: MONDAY The Day Room is the main hall of the prison complex. It's surrounded on three sides by the two-story TIERS of prison cells. It's filled with inmates and guards. In one corner is the PHONE BANK, ten pay phones. A TV CORNER has one old TV bolted to the wall. TABLES are in the center where cons hang and talk, playing cards and board games. C.O. HSUEH (female, tough) calls out: C.O. HSUEH Line up for meds. A bunch of inmates line up near a counter on the side of the room. NURSES behind the counter start handing out pills in little plastic pill bags with the prisoners' names on them, along with cups of water. House walks up to six fearsome, tattooed white guys who nod to him. This is a gang, the NEW CONFEDERATES. The shotcaller is MENDELSON (50s, cunning; not as giant as his FOOTSOLDIERS, but more vicious.) C.O. HSUEH (CONT'D) Asofa. House's cellmate Asofa gets his pillcup. the contents and then nods to the nurse. MENDELSON Why you keep helping him out? HOUSE Yeah, why should I make sure my homicidal cellmate gets the right anti-psychotic pills? Asofa keeps one hand in his pocket. enforcer, SULLIVAN, calls out: Mendelson's toughest House glances at 5

SULLIVAN What you got in your pocket, melonhead? Sullivan and the gang make kissy sounds at Asofa, who doesn't look at them.

(CONTINUED)

HOUSE - Ep 801 - PINK - 7/29/11 5 CONTINUED: HOUSE Hey, Sullivan, it's fun to taunt animals when you're at the zoo but not in the zoo. C.O. HSUEH House. The Nurse hands House a cup with TWO VICODINS in it. House takes the pills in his mouth and drinks down some water. He then opens his mouth for the Nurse who checks as-C.O. HSUEH (CONT'D) Mendelson. The Nurse hands a cup to Mendelson. House, who checks the pills. He holds it out for 5

5.

HOUSE He's supposed to get 80 mg of propranolol, this is 40. The NURSE looks embarrassed and takes the cup back. NURSE You're right, sorry. MENDELSON No worries, I like my nurses naughty. As the Nurse walks off to get the correct meds, House looks to see that the guard isn't looking, then spits up ONE VICODIN tablet into his hand (he'd "cheeked" it.) He covertly hands it to Mendelson, saying: HOUSE You know, Mendelson, I'm starting to think you really just like the taste of my spit. Mendelson smiles. Then he shows off a new tattoo on his neck: a skull with a swastika on the forehead, the words "New Confederates" underneath. MENDELSON Hey House, check out our new brand. HOUSE You sure have a thing for swastikas, Mendelson. An ironic thing? The Nurse returns with Mendelson's meds; House checks them--

(CONTINUED)

HOUSE - Ep 801 - BLUE - 7/26/11 5 CONTINUED: (2) MENDELSON (annoyed) It's a German name. HOUSE So's "House"; and I'm Jewish. (off Mendelson) Nah, just a black, gay gypsy. House gives the meds a thumbs-up and walks off. 6 INT. 2ND FLOOR TIERS -- DAY House walks towards his cell. He passes the cell of FRANKIE (60s, kindly eyes, well-educated, a lifer, the closest thing House has to a friend in here). He's got a chessboard with pieces made out of cardboard and soap. (Note: Frankie always carries a RETRACTABLE PEN in his pants pocket - not featured.) FRANKIE Knight to King's Bishop three. House doesn't even look at the board as he passes: HOUSE Queen to King's Bishop 2. Frankie moves the pieces, thinking, as an inmate named NICK approaches House. Nick's 30s, wiry, moving slowly. Wearing the orange jumpsuit that marks him as one of the fish. NICK You House? (House stops) I got these weird pains in my knees and elbow-Hey. HOUSE --That is weird. What's weirder is how the clinic is a large room, and you somehow confused me with it; in fairness, I am large. House keeps walking, Nick following him. NICK You help the Confederates. HOUSE Because they protect me from everyone in here who would be preying on me. Namely, themselves. (then) Clinic's through the day room. (CONTINUED) 6 5

6.

HOUSE - Ep 801 - BLUE - 7/26/11 6 CONTINUED: House continues on. 7 INT. HOUSE'S CELL -- DAY House enters his cell. Asofa's not there, but ROLLO (a skinny, mousey con with the blackened teeth of a methhead) is standing at House's LOCKER. (House's locker stores FOOD, a good prison issue CD/FM PLAYER and EARPHONES, and a bunch of BOOKS ON PHYSICS.) Rollo's STUFFING House's bags of food down his shirt. HOUSE Hi, Rollo. Although I realize this is a rhetorical question to pose to a methhead slash career criminal, why are you stealing my stuff? ROLLO Oh, hey, House. I heard you're on short time, you won't need this. HOUSE You've heard about my parole? But not about my violent reactions when people steal my tuna? (waving his cane) Put it back. ROLLO ...Nuh-uh. HOUSE Really? You're stepping to a guy who outweighs you by 50 pounds-(re: cane) --And is carrying a cane that, while prison approved, will still cause some issues when inserted into your colon-ROLLO --Yeah, like you losing your parole. And you ain't gonna rat me out neither, cause you don't wanna get a snitch jacket and wind up shanked in the showers. So you're just gonna let me walk out of here. Rollo smiles confidently; then starts to walk past House. House really, really wants to smack him with his cane. House lifts his cane ever so slightly but-7 6

7.

(CONTINUED)

HOUSE - Ep 801 - BLUE - 7/26/11 7 CONTINUED: Frankie appears from behind House, grabbing his arm, stopping him. Rollo exits. HOUSE I wasn't gonna do anything. FRANKIE I know. Just like right now you're not thinking about how to get payback. (off House) You wanna get back at these guys, just get out alive on Friday. (as bells ring) Go to work, House. OFF House, not liking this, but knowing he's right. heads for the exit. FRANKIE (CONT'D) And that was checkmate, right? HOUSE Yeah. 8 INT. BATHROOM OFF THE CLINIC -- DAY House mops up in the bathroom. A large muscle-bound inmate named STOMPER is at the urinal. STOMPER I heard you on short time, House. HOUSE ...If you like tuna, you're a little late. STOMPER I want your stereo and headphones. (off House) It can wait till you finish work. He then (network-discreetly) finishes by PEEING on the floor. Then heads for the door. STOMPER (CONT'D) Drop it off in my cell. OFF House, getting angrier-9 INT. CLINIC TREATMENT ROOM -- DAY The prison clinic is a small complex, more akin to a primary care office than a hospital. 9 8 House 7

8.

(CONTINUED)

HOUSE - Ep 801 - PINK - 7/29/11 9 CONTINUED: There are two PATIENT ROOMS with beds, a couple of OFFICES and a large central TREATMENT ROOM with gurneys. It's always filled with INMATES with minor ailments (flus, STDs, bruises.) Three NURSES work here, along with two DOCTORS and one GUARD. DR. JESSICA ADAMS is late 20s, friendly, enthusiastic, idealistic. Her supervisor, DR. WILLIAM SYKES, is 40s, a bit burned out but professional. House is taking out the trash. Sykes examines another PATIENT nearby. Adams is taking Nick's temperature. ADAMS (to Sykes) Ninety-nine point nine. I'm going to start him on ceftriaxone. House hears this. Something bothers him. at Sykes, waiting for his response... Good catch. that. This bothers him more. to go. But-SYKES I might have missed House tries to shake it off, turns He turns to look 9

9.

ADAMS (O.S.) Excuse me, you missed this. House turns back, sees she's indicating a trash bin beside her station. He approaches, looks at it, looks at her, and-HOUSE It's not gonorrhea. ADAMS I didn't say it was. HOUSE Not out loud. You figured joint pain plus fever plus low lifestyle equals a ceftriaxone prescription. NICK (to Adams) You saying it's the clap? I been here a week and my girlfriend's clean. (off her look) And I don't have a "girlfriend" here. Adams glares at House.

(CONTINUED)

HOUSE - Ep 801 - BLUE - 7/26/11 9 CONTINUED: (2) ADAMS Who are you? House shrugs, empties the trash as-HOUSE (actually wants to leave) Sorry. Forget it; I shouldn't have said anything. Just irritates me to hear a misdiagnosis. Especially when it's lupus. Which it is. Bye. House again turns to go. Adams takes a beat, then follows House. Sykes watches, amused. ADAMS How do you know about ceftriaxone? SYKES House was a doctor. Adams looks to House, a bit thrown. HOUSE That look of shock is elitist and offensive. Doctors can be degenerates; this is America. (then) There's subtle eyebrow loss. She looks at Nick's eyebrows; sure enough... But-ADAMS There's no discoid or malar rash on his face. HOUSE (growing annoyed) Which might be dispositive if he was just a giant head. Adams looks to Sykes. SYKES He's got a point, but I'll let you make the call. Adams takes a beat, then shakes her head: ADAMS There's no reason to search for a bodily rash since lupus doesn't usually present that way.

10. 9

(CONTINUED)

HOUSE - Ep 801 - BLUE - 7/26/11 9 CONTINUED: (3) HOUSE (annoyed) "Usually"? Well, I guess that's good enough for prison work. House realizes he's mouthing off again and forces a smile-HOUSE (CONT'D) You don't write people up for mouthing off, do you? ADAMS (not amused) Not usually. House heads off. Sykes smiles and shrugs. back to work, annoyed at House-10 INT. HOUSE'S CELL -- DAY ON A STEREO - not a great one, but in here property is property. And this piece has "PROPERTY OF HOUSE (QUESTIONS? CALL THE NEW CONFEDERATES)" written on it. House fumes as he stares at it. Frankie's there with him. OFF Adams, turning

11. 9

10

FRANKIE The fact you're staring longingly down at your stereo instead of carrying it into Stomper's cell concerns me. HOUSE On an unrelated note, you don't have any untraceable poison? FRANKIE You don't want to mess with Stomper. He didn't get that name because he's a fan of Santa's reindeer. HOUSE (assesses Frankie) You think Santa has a reindeer named Stomper? FRANKIE You're missing my point-HOUSE I'm not listening to a guy who can't name the reindeer.

(CONTINUED)

HOUSE - Ep 801 - BLUE - 7/26/11 10 CONTINUED: FRANKIE --You saw what happened in the yard with Diaz; guy barely said two words, set the boy off. A thought comes to House. Uh-oh. FRANKIE (CONT'D) I know that look. OFF Frankie, concerned--

12. 10

House takes his stereo and exits. 11 INT. PRISONER'S CELL -- DAY

11

House enters an empty cell. He takes the stereo and HIDES IT behind some ramen noodles atop the prisoner's locker. Then he leaves. 12 INT. HOUSE'S CELL -- DAY House is sitting in his bed, reading his physics journal. Stomper enters, pissed: STOMPER Where's my stereo? HOUSE Hey, Stomper. I brought it to your cell. STOMPER It ain't there. HOUSE I was just getting to that part. Rollo followed me in and took it. STOMPER ...No way Rollo disses me. HOUSE Way. I don't want to spread rumors, but... STOMPER What? HOUSE He was all "I can take Stomper," and I was all "how come?" and he was all "cause of how Diaz kicked his ass last month." (MORE) (CONTINUED) 12

HOUSE - Ep 801 - BLUE - 7/26/11 12 CONTINUED: HOUSE (CONT'D) In fact, he actually called you "Stompee," with an "e-e." Which he thought was hilarious. I didn't laugh of course, but I think his point was-Stomper rushes out. House sits there waiting for a moment.

13. 12

STOMPER (O.S.) You took my stereo? ROLLO (O.S.) Get out of my house, Stomper, I ain't got no stereo. STOMPER (O.S.) ...What's this, then? ROLLO (O.S.) (surprised) What? I didn't put that-STOMPER (O.S.) --You lied to my face, you son of a bitch! We hear the sound of a fight breaking out. An ALARM goes off. 13 House smiles. 13

INT. 1ST FLOOR TIER OUTSIDE ROLLO'S CELL -- MOMENTS LATER House watches four GUARDS escort a handcuffed Stomper and Rollo away. They're bruised and still trying to kick each other.

14 15

OMITTED INT. HOUSE'S CELL -- LATER House is lying on his bed, listening to jazz on his headphones, eating tuna, and reading his physics journal. Asofa's in the top bunk, huddled towards the wall. Frankie walks in, gives House a look. FRANKIE That was stupid. HOUSE "Stupid"? Is that a synonym for "clever"? Time they get out of solitary, I'll be teaching physics at the University of Fiji. (CONTINUED)

14 15

HOUSE - Ep 801 - BLUE - 7/26/11 15 CONTINUED: Frankie just shakes his head sadly. FRANKIE You got four more days. more tricks you got? How many

14. 15

OFF House, the words landing a bit-CUT TO BLACK: END OF ACT ONE