Zeiger Essentials of Writing Biomedical Research 2ed 1999

FRONT OF BOOK ↑
Editors
NOTICE
Preface
Credits
TABLE OF CONTENTS ↑
The Goal: Clear Writing
[] Section I The Building Blocks of Writing

Introduction
Chapter 1 Word Choice
Chapter 2 Sentence Structure
Chapter 3 Paragraph Structure
[] Section II The Text of the Biomedical Research Paper

Introduction
Chapter 4 The Introduction
Chapter 5 Materials and Methods
Chapter 6 Results
Chapter 7 Discussion
[] Section III Supporting Information

Introduction
Chapter 8 Figures and Tables
Chapter 9 References
[] Section IV The Overview

Introduction
Chapter 10 The Abstract
Chapter 11 The Title
Chapter 12 The Big Picture
BACK OF BOOK ↑
Appendix
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Editor
Mimi Ze ige r M. A.
LECTU RER IN SCIEN TIFIC WRITIN G
CARDIOVASCU LAR RESEARCH IN STITU TE, U N IVERSITY OF CALIFORN IA, SAN FRAN CISCO,
SAN FRAN CISCO, CALIFORN IA
Secondary Editors
Ste phe n Zollo
Edi tor
Muza Na vrozov
Edi tor
Ca the rine H. Sa gge s e
Pr oducti on Super v i sor
Je rry Ra lya
Index
Ma lloy Lithogra phing, Inc . w a s P rinte r a nd Binde r.
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NOTICE
Medi ci ne i s an ever changi ng sci ence. As new r esear ch and cl i ni cal ex per i ence br oaden
our k now l edge, changes i n tr eatm ent and dr ug therapy ar e r equi r ed. The author and the
publ i sher of thi s w or k have checked w i th sour ces bel i eved to be r el i abl e i n thei r ef f or ts
to pr ov i de i nf or m ati on that i s com pl ete and general l y i n accor d w i th the standar ds
accepted at the ti m e of publ i cati on. How ever, i n v i ew of the possi bi l i ty of hum an er r or or
changes i n m edi cal sci ences, nei ther the author nor the publ i sher nor any other par ty
w ho has been i nvol ved i n the pr eparati on or publ i cati on of thi s w or k war rants that the
i nf or m ati on contai ned her ei n i s i n ever y r espect accurate or com pl ete. Reader s ar e
encouraged to conf i r m the i nf or m ati on contai ned her ei n w i th other sour ces. For ex am pl e
and i n par ti cul ar, r eader s ar e adv i sed to check the pr oduct i nf or m ati on sheet i ncl uded i n
the pack age of each dr ug they pl an to adm i ni ster to be cer tai n that the i nf or m ati on
contai ned i n thi s book i s accurate and that changes have not been m ade i n the
r ecom m ended dose or i n the contrai ndi cati ons f or adm i ni strati on. Thi s r ecom m endati on i s
of par ti cul ar i m por tance i n connecti on w i th new or i nf r equentl y used dr ugs.
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Preface
Essenti al s of Wr i ti ng Bi om edi cal Resear ch Paper s gr ew out of a cour se i n

sci enti f i c w r i ti ng gi ven to postdoctoral f el l ow s i n car di ovascul ar r esear ch. The
cour se was star ted by Jul i us H. Com r oe, Jr., M. D., the f ounder and f i r st di r ector
of the Car di ovascul ar Resear ch Insti tute at the U ni ver si ty of Cal i f or ni a, San
Franci sco. Si nce 1978, w hen I began teachi ng thi s cour se, I have been
assessi ng w r i ti ng pr obl em s i n draf ts of r esear ch paper s and di scover i ng w hi ch
pr i nci pl es of w r i ti ng author s need to consi der to m ake thei r w r i ti ng cl ear. In
addi ti on, I have been adapti ng draf ts of paper s by young author s i nto ex am pl es
and exer ci ses that i l l ustrate these w r i ti ng pr i nci pl es. The r esul t of these ef f or ts
i s thi s book .
A speci al f eatur e of thi s book i s i ts em phasi s on str uctur e and stor y tel l i ng. The
book ex pl ai ns how to constr uct both i ndi v i dual paragraphs and each secti on of a
r esear ch paper so that each paragraph, each secti on, and f i nal l y the paper as a
w hol e tel l a cl ear stor y.
Other speci al f eatur es of thi s book ar e num er ous speci f i c pr i nci pl es of cl ear
bi om edi cal w r i ti ng (sum m ar i zed as check l i sts at the end of each chapter ),
num er ous ex am pl es of uncl ear w r i ti ng f ol l ow ed by cl ear er r ev i si ons, and
num er ous exer ci ses coupl ed w i th one or m or e r ev i si ons. The ex am pl es and
exer ci ses ar e taken m ai nl y f r om draf ts and al so f r om som e publ i shed
bi om edi cal r esear ch paper s. The r ev i si ons ar e m odel s that students can i m i tate
i n thei r ow n paper s.
Several i nstr uctor s have used thi s book successf ul l y i n cour ses on bi om edi cal
w r i ti ng gi ven to graduate students, postdoctoral f el l ow s, and juni or f acul ty al l
over the w or l d. Because the students have l i m i ted ti m e avai l abl e, the cour se i s
usual l y br i ef and i ntensi ve, r unni ng about 24 hour s f or 4, 6, or 12 w eek s or
about 35 hour s f or one w eek .
In pr epar i ng thi s book over the past several year s, I have r ecei ved hel p f r om
m any peopl e. Fi r st, I am i ndebted to Dr. Com r oe. The sy l l abus f or hi s w r i ti ng
cour se gave m e a sol i d jum pi ngof f poi nt, and hi s dedi cated teachi ng was
i nspi rati onal . Second, I am i ndebted to the num er ous postdoctoral f el l ow s w ho
w or ked on thei r paper s w i th m e to the poi nt of near per f ecti on necessar y f or
use as teachi ng ex am pl es. Wi thout thei r w i l l i ngness to pur sue per f ecti on and
thei r gener osi ty i n al l ow i ng m e to publ i sh thei r or i gi nal and r ev i sed draf ts as
ex am pl es and exer ci ses, thi s book w oul d not have been possi bl e. Si m i l ar l y, I
am i ndebted to the author s of publ i shed paper s and to thei r publ i sher s, w ho
have graci ousl y al l ow ed m e to use par ts of thei r paper s as ex am pl es and
exer ci ses. These paper s pr ov i ded som e of the m ost usef ul and sti m ul ati ng
ex am pl es and exer ci ses i n thi s book . In addi ti on, I am gratef ul to the m any
par ti ci pants i n the w r i ti ng cl asses w hose i nsi ghtf ul r ev i si ons have enr i ched thi s
book . I am al so gratef ul to the m any sci enti sts w ho pr evented m e f r om m ak i ng
gr uesom e er r or s i n sci ence. N o doubt som e er r or s r em ai n, but I hope r eader s
w i l l be abl e to see past sci enti f i c pr obl em s to under stand the w r i ti ng pr i nci pl es
bei ng i l l ustrated. Fi nal l y, I especi al l y want to thank seven peopl e: Bobbi Angel l ,
an i l l ustrator af f i l i ated w i th the N ew Yor k Botani cal Gar den, w ho m ade the
handdraw n f i gur es i n thi s book , and Paul Sagan, an edi tor i n the
Car di ovascul ar Resear ch Insti tute, U ni ver si ty of Cal i f or ni a, San Franci sco, w ho
pr epar ed the com puter draw n f i gur es, f or thei r f i ne w or k and cheer f ul spi r i t
thr oughout m any r ev i si ons; Dav i d F. Tei tel , M. D., Associ ate Pr of essor of
Pedi atr i cs, U ni ver si ty of Cal i f or ni a, San Franci sco, Har ol d Schul tz, Ph. D.,
Associ ate Pr of essor of Phy si ol ogy, U ni ver si ty of N ebrask a Medi cal Center,
Om aha, and Thom as Pi sar r i , Ph. D., Assi stant Resear ch Phy si ol ogi st,
Car di ovascul ar Resear ch Insti tute, U ni ver si ty of Cal i f or ni a, San Franci sco, w ho
k i ndl y and ef f i ci entl y hel ped m e w r i te and r ew r i te r ev i si ons f or a f ew
chal l engi ng exer ci ses; and Stanton A. Gl antz, Ph. D., Pr of essor of Medi ci ne,
U ni ver si ty of Cal i f or ni a, San Franci sco, and Br yan K. Sl i nker, D. V. M., Ph. D.,
Assi stant Pr of essor of Medi ci ne and of Phy si ol ogy and Bi ophy si cs, U ni ver si ty of
Ver m ont, w ho ti r el essl y and graci ousl y adv i sed m e on sci enti f i c and stati sti cal
questi ons thr oughout the devel opm ent of thi s book . They ar e the speci al sor t of
consul tant that ever y Engl i sh i nstr uctor w or k i ng i n sci ence needs—
k now l edgeabl e, sensi bl e, and gener ous.
In thi s second edi ti on, I have added a num ber of ex am pl es and exer ci ses on
m ol ecul ar bi ol ogy. I have al so f i netuned al l the chapter s and have r eor gani zed
and ex panded Chapter 3, Paragraph Str uctur e, w hi ch pr esents the m ai n w r i ti ng
pr i nci pl es on w hi ch the r est of the book i s based. In m ak i ng these addi ti ons and
changes, I have had hel p f r om seven m or e peopl e. I am gratef ul to Jam es
McKer r ow, M. D., Ph. D., Pr of essor, Depar tm ent of Pathol ogy, and Evangel i ne
Leash, Pr i nci pal Edi tor, Depar tm ent of Stom atol ogy, both of the U ni ver si ty of
Cal i f or ni a, San Franci sco, f or enl i ghteni ng ex pl anati ons of m ol ecul ar bi ol ogy
and of cur r ent tr ends i n the my ster i es of w r i ti ng m ol ecul ar bi ol ogy paper s. I
am al so i ndebted to Henr y Bour ne, M. D., and Har l an Ives, M. D., Ph. D., both
Pr of essor s of Medi ci ne and of Cel l ul ar and Mol ecul ar Phar m acol ogy, Joseph
Ki tter m an, M. D., Pr of essor of Pedi atr i cs, and Zena Wer b, Ph. D., Pr of essor of
Anatomy, al l f r om the U ni ver si ty of Cal i f or ni a, San Franci sco, f or k i ndl y
ex pl ai ni ng the sci ence i n par ts of paper s to m e and hel pi ng m e tur n these par ts
of paper s i nto exer ci ses. Speci al thank s to Stanl ey D'Souza, Ph. D., Assi stant
Staf f, Center f or Thr om bosi s and Vascul ar Bi ol ogy, Depar tm ent of Mol ecul ar
Car di ol ogy, The Cl evel and Cl i ni c Foundati on, f or graci ousl y and m eti cul ousl y
hel pi ng m e r ew r i te a par t of hi s al r eady f i ne paper to use as a good ex am pl e.
Wi thout the gener ous hel p of these seven peopl e, several usef ul ex am pl es and
exer ci ses i n thi s edi ti on w oul d not have been possi bl e.
Fi nal l y, based on w or k done by par ti ci pants i n my w r i ti ng cl asses both at the

U ni ver si ty of Cal i f or ni a, San Franci sco, and ar ound the w or l d, I have f ur ther
r ev i sed m any of the r ev i si ons of exer ci ses f r om the f i r st edi ti on. Hear tf el t
thank s to al l these peopl e, w ho pr ove the tr uth of the quotati on (f r om w hom , I
do not k now ): “The cor r ecti on of pr ose i s endl ess; poetr y com es r i ght ‘cl i ck ,’
l i ke a box .”
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Credits
pp. 6–7, Ex am pl es 4 to 6 adapted w i th per m i ssi on f r om N Engl J Med

1989;320:1505–1510; p. 52, Ex am pl e 3. 2 adapted w i th per m i ssi on f r om J Com p
N eur ol 1986;246:513–526, copy r i ght © 1986 by Wi l eyLi ss, a di v i si on of John
Wi l ey and Sons, Inc. ; p. 53, Ex am pl e 3. 3 adapted f r om Respi r Phy si ol
1977;29:125–142, w i th per m i ssi on f r om El sev i er Sci ence Publ i sher s BV
(Bi om edi cal Di v i si on), Am ster dam ; p. 54, Ex am pl e 3. 4 adapted f r om J Auton
N er v Sy st 1987;18:185–193, w i th per m i ssi on f r om El sev i er Sci ence Publ i sher s
BV (Bi om edi cal Di v i si on, Am ster dam ; p. 62, Ex am pl e 3. 14 r epr i nted f r om Cel l
1994;79:1199–1207, w i th per m i ssi on f r om Cel l Pr ess. ; pp. 64–68, Exer ci se 3. 2
r epr i nted f r om an unpubl i shed docum ent w i th per m i ssi on f r om Genentech, Inc.,
South San Franci sco, CA; p. 67, Ex am pl e 3. 18 r epr i nted f r om Thr om bosi s
Resear ch 1999;94:341–351, w i th per m i ssi on f r om El sev i er. p. 71, Ex am pl e 3. 19
r epr i nted f r om Cel l 1994;79:755–765, w i th per m i ssi on f r om Cel l Pr ess; p. 71,
Ex am pl e 3. 20 (“By w i deni ng …”), see cr edi t f or p. 52, Ex am pl e 3. 2; p. 77,
Ex am pl e 3. 25 r epr i nted f r om Oncogene 1994;9:2559–2565, w i th per m i ssi on
f r om Stock ton Pr ess. p. 83, Ex am pl e 3. 27 r epr i nted f r om Anesthesi ol ogy
1986;65:201–205, w i th per m i ssi on f r om J. B. Li ppi ncott Com pany ; p. 87,
Ex am pl e 3. 33, see cr edi t f or p. 52, Ex am pl e 3. 2; p. 88, Exer ci se 3. 8, Ex am pl e
3, r epr i nted f r om J Cl i n Inv est 1995;95:2246–2257, w i th per m i ssi on f r om The
Rockef el l er U ni ver si ty Pr ess; p. 89, Ex am pl e 3. 36 r epr i nted f r om Dev
Phar m acol Ther 1980;1:58–69, w i th per m i ssi on f r om S. Kar ger AG, Basel ; p.
92, Ex am pl e 3. 40, see cr edi t f or p. 53, Ex am pl e 3. 3; p. 93, Ex am pl e 3. 41
adapted f r om J Cl i n Inv est 1987;79:335–343, by copy r i ght per m i ssi on of the
Am er i can Soci ety f or Cl i ni cal Investi gati on; p. 95, Exer ci se 3. 9 r epr i nted f r om
Cl i n Ex p Im m unol 1998;112:10–16, w i th per m i ssi on f r om Bl ack w el l Sci ence. p.
97, Exer ci se 3. 10. 2 adapted f r om Cel l Ti ssue Res 1983;228:549–562, w i th
per m i ssi on f r om Spr i nger Ver l ag, Hei del ber g; p. 97, Exer ci se 3. 10. 3, see cr edi t
f or p. 89, Ex am pl e 3. 36; p. 99, Ex am pl e 3. 43, see cr edi t f or p. 93, Ex am pl e
3. 41; p. 114, Ex am pl e 4. 4 adapted f r om Ci r cul ati on 1983;68:433–436, by
per m i ssi on of the Am er i can Hear t Associ ati on, Inc. ; p. 116, Ex am pl e 4. 7
adapted w i th per m i ssi on f r om Chen GC, Kane JP, Ham i l ton RL. Bi ochem i str y
1984;23:1119–1124, copy r i ght 1984 Am er i can Chem i cal Soci ety ; p. 124,
Exer ci se 4. 1, Ex am pl e 2, r epr i nted f r om J Bi ol Chem 1995;270:19791–19799,
w i th per m i ssi on f r om the Am er i can Soci ety f or Bi ochem i str y and Mol ecul ar
Bi ol ogy, Inc. ; p. 130, Ex am pl e 5. 1 adapted f r om J Appl Phy si ol 1995;78:531–
538, w i th per m i ssi on f r om the Am er i can Phy si ol ogi cal Soci ety ; p. 137, Ex am pl e
5. 10 r epr i nted f r om Cel l 1995;83:589–598, w i th per m i ssi on f r om Cel l Pr ess; p.
137, Ex am pl e 5. 11 adapted f r om Ci r c Res 1985;56:11–19, by per m i ssi on of the
Am er i can Hear t Associ ati on, Inc. ; p. 137, Ex am pl e 5. 12 adapted f r om Bi ochi m
Bi ophy s Acta 1988;961:170–176, w i th per m i ssi on f r om El sev i er Sci ence
Publ i sher s BV (Bi om edi cal Di v i si on), Am ster dam ; p. 157, Ex am pl e 6. 2 adapted
f r om Am Hear t J 1995;129:510–515, w i th per m i ssi on f r om Mosby, Inc. pp. 170–
173, Exer ci se 6. 1 r epr i nted w i th per m i ssi on f r om N Engl J Med 1980;302:477–
482; pp. 174–175, Exer ci se 6. 2 adapted f r om Huang CL, Ives HE. J Bi ol Chem
1989;264:4391–4397, w i th per m i ssi on f r om The Am er i can Soci ety f or
Bi ochem i str y & Mol ecul ar Bi ol ogy ; p. 179, Ex am pl e 7. 3, not adapted, see cr edi t
f or p. 52, Ex am pl e 3. 2; p. 189, Ex am pl e 7. 18, adapted f r om J Mol ec Cel l
Car di ol 1986;18:579–594, w i th per m i ssi on f r om Academ i c Pr ess Inc. (London)
Ltd. ; p. 190, Ex am pl e 7. 19 adapted f r om Bi ochi m Bi ophy s Acta 1981;666:382–
393, w i th per m i ssi on f r om El sev i er Sci ence Publ i sher s BV (Bi om edi cal
Di v i si on), Am ster dam ; p. 197, Ex am pl e 7. 24 r epr i nted f r om Annal s of Sur ger y
1998;228:355–369, w i th per m i ssi on f r om Li ppi ncottRaven Publ i sher s; p. 198,
Ex am pl e 7. 25 adapted f r om Ci r c Res 1988;62:226–232, by per m i ssi on of the
Am er i can Hear t Associ ati on, Inc. ; p. 200, Ex am pl e 7. 29 adapted f r om Ci r c Res
1988;62:247–265, by per m i ssi on of the Am er i can Hear t Associ ati on, Inc. ; pp.
207–210, Exer ci se 7. 1, Di scussi on 2, r epr i nted f r om Cel l 1997;91:1055–1064,
w i th per m i ssi on f r om Cel l Pr ess; pp. 223–238, Par ts of these pages appear ed
i n substanti al l y di f f er ent f or m i n: Sci enti f i c Il l ustrati on Com m i ttee of the
Counci l of Bi ol ogy Edi tor s. Il l ustrati ng Sci ence: standar ds f or publ i cati on.
Bethesda, Mar y l and: Counci l of Bi ol ogy Edi tor s, 1988, pp. 83–116; p. 227,
Fi gur e 5 adapted w i th per m i ssi on f r om J Li pi d Res 1982;23:531–542; p. 229,
Fi gur e 8 r edraw n f r om Ci r cul ati on 1981;63:597–606, by per m i ssi on of the
Am er i can Hear t Associ ati on, Inc. ; p. 231, Fi gur e 14 r epr i nted f r om McDonal d
DM, Mi tchel l RA. J N eur ocy tol 1975;4:177–230, w i th per m i ssi on f r om Chapm an
and Hal l ; p. 235, Ex am pl e 8. 11 adapted f r om Ci r cul ati on 1988;77:526–534, by
per m i ssi on of the Am er i can Hear t Associ ati on, Inc. ; p. 236, Ex am pl e 8. 14
adapted w i th per m i ssi on f r om Gonzal es LW, Bal l ar d PL. N ucl ear 3, 5, 3′
Tr i i odothy r oni ne Receptor s i n Rabbi t Lung: Character i zati on and Devel opm ental
Changes. Endocr i nol ogy 1982;111(2):542–552, © by The Endocr i ne Soci ety ; p.
238, Tabl e I r epr i nted by per m i ssi on of Pedi atr i cs 1978;62:686–691; p. 243,
Tabl e IV adapted f r om J Cl i n Inv est 1986;78:271–280, by copy r i ght per m i ssi on
of the Am er i can Soci ety f or Cl i ni cal Investi gati on; p. 244, Tabl e V, adapted w i th
per m i ssi on f r om J Li pi d Res 1982;23:936–940; p. 251, Fi gur es 2 to 5, adapted
f r om Ci r cul ati on 1990;82:1127–1139, by per m i ssi on of the Am er i can Hear t
Associ ati on, Inc. ; p. 259, Exer ci se 8. 2 adapted f r om J Cl i n Inv est
1986;77:1071–1083, by copy r i ght per m i ssi on of the Am er i can Soci ety f or
Cl i ni cal Investi gati on; p. 271, Ex am pl e 10. 2 adapted f r om Ann N eur ol
1985;17:565–569, w i th per m i ssi on f r om Li ttl e, Br ow n; p. 274, Ex am pl e 10. 3
adapted w i th per m i ssi on f r om Am Rev Respi r Di s 1987;136:1403–1407; p. 276,
Ex am pl e 10. 5 r epr i nted f r om Cel l 1998;93:349–359, w i th per m i ssi on f r om Cel l
Pr ess; p. 280, Ex am pl e 10. 8 adapted f r om Bi ochem Bi ophy s Res Com m un
1986;137:821–825, © Academ i c Pr ess, Inc. ; p. 281, Ex am pl e 10. 9 r epr i nted
f r om Cel l 1998;93:373–383, w i th per m i ssi on f r om Cel l Pr ess; p. 282, Ex am pl e
10. 10 r epr i nted f r om Cel l 1998;93:385–395, w i th per m i ssi on f r om Cel l Pr ess; p.
283, Ex am pl e 10. 11 adapted f r om Ci r cul ati on 1984;70:695–699, by per m i ssi on
of the Am er i can Hear t Associ ati on, Inc. ; p. 285, Ex am pl e 10. 12 r epr i nted w i th
per m i ssi on f r om Gal l i L, Maf f ei L. Sci ence 1988;242:90–91, copy r i ght 1988 by
the AAAS; pp. 285–286, Ex am pl e 10. 13 r epr i nted w i th per m i ssi on f r om Gr i f f i n
MR, Ray WA, Schaf f ner W. N onster oi dal Anti Inf l am m ator y Dr ug U se and Death
f r om Pepti c U l cer i n El der l y Per sons. Ann Inter n Med 1988;109:359–363; p.
288, Ex am pl e 10. 14 adapted w i th per m i ssi on f r om Am Rev Respi r Di s
1986;134:141–145; p. 297, Exer ci se 10. 1, Abstract 1, r epr i nted f r om Cel l
1998;93:361–372, w i th per m i ssi on f r om Cel l Pr ess; p. 298, Exer ci se 10. 1,
Abstract 2, r epr i nted f r om Cel l 1989:59:815–825, w i th per m i ssi on f r om Cel l
Pr ess; Exer ci se 11:1, Abstract 2, r epr i nted f r om Cel l 1994;79:595–606.
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The Goal: Clear Writing
THE PURPOSE OF THIS BOOK

Most r eader s agr ee that m uch of the bi om edi cal l i teratur e i s badl y w r i tten
(Woodf or d, 1967). The pr obl em w i th m ost bi om edi cal r esear ch paper s i s that
they l ose the f or est f or the tr ees. The ex tr em e ex am pl e i s a paper that gi ves
over w hel m i ng detai l s about w hat other s have f ound (“r ev i ew of the l i teratur e”);
ex hausti ve l i sts of var i abl es m easur ed (general l y w r i tten as an al phabet soup
of abbr ev i ati ons); a bl i zzar d of data i n the f or m of m eans, standar d er r or s, and
P val ues; and a m eander i ng “di scussi on” of the data. N o stor y i s tol d; no
m essage em er ges. But sci ence i s not data. Data ar e the raw m ater i al of
sci ence. It i s w hat you do w i th data that i s sci ence—the i nter pr etati on you
m ake, the stor y you tel l .
The goal of thi s book i s to show you how to m ar shal the detai l s of a bi om edi cal
r esear ch paper i nto a com pr ehensi bl e stor y that has a cl ear m essage. To
achi eve thi s goal , the book pr esents num er ous speci f i c pr i nci pl es of cl ear
w r i ti ng and i l l ustrates each pr i nci pl e w i th ex am pl es of m ur k y w r i ti ng f ol l ow ed
by r ev i si ons show i ng how the i deas can be w r i tten m or e cl ear l y. The num er ous
speci f i c pr i nci pl es and the ex am pl es f ol l ow ed by r ev i si ons ar e tw o speci al
f eatur es of thi s book . Another speci al f eatur e i s the exer ci ses i n each chapter,
coupl ed w i th one or m or e r ev i si ons at the end of the book . The exer ci ses
pr ov i de oppor tuni ti es both to r ecogni ze appr opr i ate and i nappr opr i ate
appl i cati on of the w r i ti ng pr i nci pl es (r eadi ng exer ci ses) and to put the
pr i nci pl es i nto practi ce (w r i ti ng exer ci ses). The r ev i si ons of ex am pl es and of
the w r i ti ng exer ci ses can be used as m odel s f or your ow n w r i ti ng.
The r eason f or doi ng exer ci ses i s that appl i cati on of the pr i nci pl es of w r i ti ng
r equi r es judgm ent. Ther e ar e f ew i f any “r i ghts” and “w r ongs” i n w r i ti ng.
Rather ther e ar e better and w or se choi ces. The poi nt, then, i s to devel op your
judgm ent so that you can m ake better choi ces. To hel p devel op your judgm ent
i n m ak i ng these choi ces, you can com par e your cr i ti ques of the r eadi ng
exer ci ses and your r ev i sed ver si ons of the w r i ti ng exer ci ses w i th those gi ven at
the end of thi s book . Many of these r ev i si ons have been sy nthesi zed f r om a
num ber of draf ts and com m ents by students over several year s. Bear i n m i nd,
how ever, that ther e i s no such thi ng as a per f ect paper. In f act, you m ay
di sagr ee w i th som e choi ces m ade i n the r ev i si ons. That i s OK. The pr ocess of
r ev i si on i s endl ess. The r ev i si ons of the exer ci ses i n thi s book ar e ther ef or e
i ntended onl y as i m pr ovem ents, not as ul ti m ate per f ecti on.
P. 2
Most ex am pl es and exer ci ses i n thi s book ar e taken f r om pr epubl i cati on draf ts
w r i tten by juni or r esear cher s w ho w er e i n postdoctoral trai ni ng posi ti ons i n
car di ovascul ar r esear ch. These ex am pl es ar e not i ntended to show the ul ti m ate
l evel of excel l ent w r i ti ng but rather a r easonabl e l evel of cl ar i ty achi evabl e by
young r esear cher s ear l y i n thei r car eer s. Peopl e i nter ested i n w r i ti ng m ay want
to tr y to m ake thei r w r i ti ng l i vel y as w el l as cl ear. In f act, that i s the ul ti m ate
goal . But the goal of thi s book i s onl y cl ar i ty.
REASONS FOR WRITING CLEARLY

Many i f not m ost sci enti sts l ove to w or k i n the l aborator y but hate to w r i te
paper s. But w r i ti ng i s at l east as i m por tant as doi ng ex per i m ents, and w r i ti ng
cl ear l y i s i m por tant not onl y to your r eader s but al so to your sel f.
Write Clearly to Ensure That Your Readers

Understand Your Message
Thi nk of your sel f as a r eader f or a m om ent. What k i nd of paper s do you l i ke to
r ead? Shor t, m eaty, and cl ear m ost l i kel y. Wel l , then, w r i te shor t, m eaty, cl ear
paper s your sel f. Shor t, m eaty, cl ear paper s ar e the m ost l i kel y to be
under stood. The tr uth of thi s pr oposi ti on w i l l com e hom e to you as you r ead
ex am pl es of bi om edi cal w r i ti ng i n thi s book and di scover how easy i t i s to get
the w r ong m essage. If you can m ake m i stakes, so can your r eader s.
Who ar e these r eader s? Cer tai nl y they i ncl ude sci enti sts w ho do r esear ch i n
your f i el d. But thi s i s just the cor e of the audi ence. The com pl ete spectr um of
potenti al r eader s ranges f r om graduate students to N obel l aur eates and
i ncl udes m any r eader s w hose nati ve l anguage i s not Engl i sh. Fur ther m or e,
m any of your r eader s m ay not be i n your f i el d. Eventual l y al l sci enti sts begi n
to r ead outsi de thei r f i el ds: you can di g your tr ench onl y so deep; sooner or
l ater you star t f i ndi ng l i nk s w i th other speci al ti es. These l i nk s of ten l ead to
exci ti ng sci enti f i c di scover i es. So i t i s i m por tant that sci enti sts f r om outsi de
your f i el d can r ead your paper. Fi nal l y, and per haps m ost i m por tantl y, m ost
r eader s ar e onl y hal f awake w hen they ar e r eadi ng your paper, per haps l ate at
ni ght or on a bus or pl ane som ew her e. Because of thi s w i de range of
back gr ounds of potenti al r eader s and because of thei r sem i consci ous state
w hi l e they ar e r eadi ng, the bur den of cl ar i ty r ests on you, the author. The
r eader 's job i s to f ol l ow the author 's thi nk i ng and to agr ee or di sagr ee; i t i s not
to decode and r econstr uct the paper. Thus, i f you want your r eader s to get your
m essage, you w i l l have to m ake i t abundantl y cl ear to them .
The standar d of cl ar i ty that w e w i l l use goes back to Qui nti l i an, a Rom an
r hetor i ci an w ho l i ved i n the f i r st centur y A. D. : cl ear w r i ti ng i s w r i ti ng that i s
i ncapabl e of bei ng m i sunder stood. N ote that thi s i s a m uch tougher standar d
than say i ng that cl ear w r i ti ng i s w r i ti ng that can be under stood.
Write Clearly to Clarify Your Own Thinking

Hol di ng to thi s tough standar d of cl ear w r i ti ng has a second benef i t: i t w i l l hel p
you cl ar i f y your ow n thi nk i ng (Woodf or d, 1967). Many peopl e have the i dea that
they k now w hat they want to say and al l they need to do i s w r i te i t dow n. But
thi s i s rar el y the case. Rather, w r i ti ng hel ps you di scover w hat you m ean. As
you w r i te, you of ten f i nd that the di r ecti on of your thoughts
P. 3
changes, and you m ay end up w i th an answ er to a sl i ghtl y di f f er ent questi on
f r om the one you asked at the begi nni ng of your r esear ch. Thi s evol uti on of
thought i s a gr eat advantage of w r i ti ng. Another advantage i s that f aul ty
r easoni ng i s ex posed, because as you r ead w hat you have w r i tten, you w i l l f i nd
l apses i n l ogi c and i nconsi stenci es that w i l l sti m ul ate you to r ethi nk w hat i t i s
that you r eal l y m ean.
Thus, ther e ar e tw o good r easons w hy i t i s desi rabl e to w r i te cl ear l y : f i r st, to

be sur e that you your sel f k now w hat you m ean, and second, to be sur e that you
get your m essage acr oss to your r eader s.
THE SCOPE OF THIS BOOK

Thi s book deal s w i th the ty pe of publ i cati on that f or m s the m ajor por ti on of a
r esear ch sci enti st's bi bl i ography—jour nal ar ti cl es that r epor t r esul ts of or i gi nal
r esear ch. It al so i ncl udes som e com m ents on m ethods paper s (paper s that
r epor t new or i m pr oved m ethods, apparatus, or m ater i al s). It does not deal
w i th other ty pes of paper s, such as theor eti cal paper s, case r epor ts, and
r ev i ew ar ti cl es. Al though the ex am pl es com e pr i m ar i l y f r om one ar ea of
bi om edi cal r esear ch, m any of the w r i ti ng pr i nci pl es appl y to paper s i n other
ar eas of sci ence as w el l .
THE APPROACH TAKEN IN THIS BOOK

The appr oach taken i n thi s book i s to ex pl ai n and i l l ustrate w hat a cl ear l y
w r i tten bi om edi cal r esear ch paper i s. The pr ocess of getti ng a paper w r i tten i s
touched on onl y l i ghtl y. The i dea behi nd thi s appr oach i s that i f you k now w hat
you ar e ai m i ng at, you w i l l have a better chance of r eachi ng i t. Thus, thi s book
does not deal w i th w hat you do f i r st and w hat you do second but rather w i th
w hat the end pr oduct shoul d l ook l i ke i f i t i s to be cl ear.
Speci f i cal l y, thi s book deal s w i th the choi ce of w or ds and the ar rangem ent of
w or ds i nto l ar ger and l ar ger str uctur es that tel l a stor y. The em phasi s on
str uctur e and stor y tel l i ng i s the f our th speci al f eatur e of thi s book .
The f i r st secti on of thi s book i s devoted to the bui l di ng bl ock s of w r i ti ng (w or d

choi ce, sentence str uctur e, and paragraph str uctur e). The second, thi r d, and
f our th secti ons ex am i ne the str uctur e of i ndi v i dual par ts of a bi om edi cal
r esear ch paper i n tur n: f i r st the tex t (Intr oducti on, Mater i al s and Methods,
Resul ts, Di scussi on); then suppor ti ng i nf or m ati on (f i gur es, tabl es, and
r ef er ences); and f i nal l y the over v i ew (abstract, ti tl e, and the bi g pi ctur e, w hi ch
assesses the str uctur e of the paper as a w hol e, to ensur e that al l the par ts
w or k together to tel l a stor y and send a si ngl e, cl ear m essage).
Thi s book i s devel opm ental . The l ater chapter s bui l d on w r i ti ng pr i nci pl es
pr esented i n the ear l i er chapter s. In par ti cul ar, the chapter s on the par ts of the
r esear ch paper (Chaps. 4, 5, 6 and 7) and the chapter on the bi g pi ctur e (Chap.
12) bui l d on pr i nci pl es of paragraph str uctur e. Thus, the book star ts w i th the
sm al l est uni t of w r i ti ng (w or ds) and w or k s up to the l ar gest uni t (the enti r e
paper ).
A l ot of w r i ti ng pr i nci pl es ar e i ncl uded i n thi s book . A sum m ar y of the

pr i nci pl es f or each topi c i s i ncl uded at the end of each chapter, and an
over v i ew of the m ai n pr i nci pl es i s gi ven bel ow.
P. 4
AN OVERVIEW OF THE MAIN PRINCIPLES OF

WRITING PRESENTED IN THIS BOOK
Si nce the pr obl em w i th m ost bi om edi cal r esear ch paper s i s that they l ose the
f or est f or the tr ees, the sol uti on i s to bui l d a str uctur e i nto the paper so that
the f or est i s cl ear. Each of the f our par ts of the tex t of a bi om edi cal r esear ch
paper has i ts ow n str uctur e.
Introduction
The Intr oducti on f ol l ow s a standar d str uctur e: the f unnel . A f unnel star ts
br oadl y and then nar r ow s. Thus, i n a hy pothesi stesti ng paper, the Intr oducti on
f unnel s f r om som ethi ng k now n, to som ethi ng unk now n, to the questi on the
paper i s ask i ng. The Intr oducti on m ay end w i th the questi on or m ay go on to
state the ex per i m ental appr oach to answ er i ng the questi on. An ex am pl e of an
Intr oducti on that has a f unnel shape i s gi ven i n Ex am pl e 1 bel ow.
Ex a mple 1 Intr oducti on
Fi gur e. N o Capti on Avai l abl e.
AIt i s k now n that several general anestheti cs, i ncl udi ng bar bi tur ates, depr ess
the br onchom otor r esponse to v agus ner ve sti m ul ati on (1, 7, 9). BHow ever, the
si te of thi s depr essi on has not been deter m i ned. CTo deter m i ne w hi ch si te i n
the v agal m otor pathway to the br onchi ol es i s m ost sensi ti ve to depr essi on by
bar bi tur ates, Dw e di d ex per i m ents i n i sol ated r i ngs of f er r et trachea i n w hi ch
w e sti m ul ated thi s pathway at f our di f f er ent si tes bef or e and af ter ex posur e to
bar bi turates.
An i m por tant detai l to noti ce i n thi s Intr oducti on i s that the key ter m s i n the
questi on (i tal i ci zed) r epeat w or ds i n the statem ents of w hat i s k now n and
unk now n. Repeati ng key ter m s i s i m por tant because the r epeti ti on m akes i t
obv i ous that the questi on f ol l ow s i nev i tabl y f r om w hat i s k now n and unk now n.
It i s i m por tant that the questi on f ol l ow s i nev i tabl y and i s stated cl ear l y because
the r est of the paper depends on the questi on. Speci f i cal l y, Methods tel l s w hat
ex per i m ents you di d to answ er the questi on, Resul ts tel l s w hat r esul ts you
f ound that answ er the questi on, and the Di scussi on states and ex pl ai ns the
answ er to the questi on. To avoi d l osi ng the f or est f or the tr ees i n a bi om edi cal
r esear ch paper, the tr i ck i s to use the questi on as the touchstone f or sel ecti ng
and or gani zi ng i deas i n each secti on of the paper.
Materials and Methods
The str uctur e of the Mater i al s and Methods secti on i s essenti al l y chr onol ogi cal .
You star t by descr i bi ng w hat you di d f i r st to answ er your questi on and end by
descr i bi ng w hat you di d l ast. In addi ti on, because Mater i al s and Methods i s
usual l y a l ong secti on, i t i s di v i ded i nto subsecti ons accor di ng to the ty pe of
i nf or m ati on. For ex am pl e, i n a study that tests a hy pothesi s and desi gns al l the
ex per i m ents i n advance, one possi bl e str uctur e i s as f ol l ow s:
Pr eparati on
Study Desi gn
Methods of Measur em ent
Anal y si s of Data
P. 5
In the Methods secti on of thi s ty pe of paper, the subsecti on that pr esents the
f or est i s the study desi gn. The study desi gn gi ves an over v i ew of the
ex per i m ents you di d to answ er the questi on and thus i s the f ram ew or k agai nst
w hi ch the detai l s of m ethods m ake sense.
Thr ee com ponents need to be pul l ed together i n the study desi gn:
The i ndependent var i abl e (the var i abl e you m ani pul ated)
The dependent var i abl e (the var i abl e you m easur ed)
Al l contr ol s
An ex am pl e of a study desi gn subsecti on that has al l thr ee com ponents i s gi ven

i n Ex am pl e 2. (Thi s ex am pl e i s f r om a di f f er ent paper than Ex am pl e 1. )
Ex a mple 2 Study Desi gn
ETo deter m i ne w hether sti m ul ati on of pul m onar y Cf i ber s r ef l ex i vel y evokes
i ncr eased secr eti on f r om tracheal subm ucosal gl ands, w e sti m ul ated pul m onar y
Cf i ber endi ngs i n each of the 9 dogs by i njecti ng capsai ci n (10–20 µg/k g) i nto
the r i ght atr i um .
FAt 10s i nter val s f or 60 s bef or e (basel i ne) and 60 s af ter each i njecti on, w e
m easur ed secr eti ons f r om tracheal subm ucosal gl ands.
GAs a contr ol , i n the sam e 9 dogs w e m easur ed secr eti on i n r esponse to
i njecti on of vehi cl e (0. 5–1. 0 m l ) i nto the r i ght atr i um .
HInjecti ons w er e separated by r esti ng per i ods of about 30 m i n.
Results
In the Resul ts secti on, the overal l str uctur e i s nor m al l y chr onol ogi cal . In the
Resul ts secti on of a hy pothesi stesti ng study that desi gns al l ex per i m ents i n
advance, the str uctur e m ay al so be i n the or der of m ost to l east i m por tant to
the questi on (f or ex am pl e, w hen the ex per i m ents w er e done si m ul taneousl y ).
In addi ti on, w i thi n each paragraph of the Resul ts secti on, the i deas can be
or gani zed f r om m ost to l east i m por tant. Thus, an i m por tant r esul t i s stated i n
the f i r st sentence, and l ess i m por tant r esul ts and suppor ti ng detai l s ar e stated
i n l ater sentences, as i n Ex am pl e 3.
Ex a mple 3 Resul ts
IIncubati on of r i ngs of f etal l am b ductus ar ter i osus i n arachi doni c aci d

i ncr eased pr oducti on of pr ostagl andi n E 2 to 3. 5 ti m es the basel i ne val ue (Fi g.
1).
JThi s i ncr ease was bl ocked w hen the r i ngs w er e i ncubated i n arachi doni c aci d i n
the pr esence of i ndom ethaci n.
KIn the contr ol ser i es of ex per i m ents, pr ostagl andi n E 2 pr oducti on m easur ed at
the sam e 90m i n i nter val s di d not change.
Discussion
For the Di scussi on secti on ther e i s no pr escr i bed str uctur e. How ever, ther e ar e
som e general gui del i nes. The f i r st and m ost i m por tant gui del i ne i s to state the
answ er to the questi on at the begi nni ng of the Di scussi on. The r eason f or
stati ng the answ er at the begi nni ng i s that the answ er i s the m ost i m por tant
statem ent i n the paper, so i t shoul d appear i n the m ost pr om i nent posi ti on:
f i r st. Im m edi atel y af ter stati ng the answ er, gi ve suppor ti ng ev i dence. An
ex am pl e of the f i r st paragraph of a Di scussi on i n w hi ch the f i r st sentence
states the answ er to the questi on and the r est of the paragraph gi ves
suppor ti ng ev i dence i s gi ven i n Ex am pl e 4.
Ex a mple 4 Begi nni ng of a Di scussi on
P. 6
1 LIn thi s study, w e have show n that a 42day cour se of dex am ethasone l eads
to sustai ned i m pr ovem ent i n pul m onar y f uncti on and i m pr oves
neur odevel opm ental outcom e i n ver y l ow bi r th w ei ght i nf ants w ho ar e at hi gh
r i sk of devel opi ng br onchopul m onar y dy spl asi a. MEv i dence of i m pr oved
pul m onar y f uncti on i s that af ter a 42day cour se of dex am ethasone gi ven to our
pr eter m i nf ants w ho w er e venti l ator and ox ygen dependent at 2 w eek s of age,
the durati ons of posi ti ve pr essur e venti l ati on, of suppl em ental ox ygen, and of
hospi tal i zati on w er e l ess than those i n contr ol i nf ants, w ho r ecei ved sal i ne
pl acebo. N Ev i dence of i m pr oved neur odevel opm ental outcom e i s that the i nf ants
w ho r ecei ved the 42day cour se of dex am ethasone had a l ow er i nci dence of
neur ol ogi c handi cap and si gni f i cantl y hi gher scor es on the Bay l ey Scal es of
Inf ant Devel opm ent than di d i nf ants i n the contr ol gr oup.
Af ter stati ng and suppor ti ng the answ er, or gani ze the r em ai ni ng topi cs ei ther
accor di ng to the l ogi c of the sci ence or el se i n the or der of m ost to l east
i m por tant. Indi cate the or gani zati on by usi ng topi c sentences to state the poi nt
of each paragraph. The r eader shoul d be abl e to r ead the f i r st sentence of
ever y paragraph i n the Di scussi on secti on and f ol l ow the stor y of the
Di scussi on, as i n Ex am pl e 5, w hi ch conti nues the Di scussi on begun i n Ex am pl e
4.
Ex a mple 5 Mi ddl e of a Di scussi on
2 Im por tantl y, w e di d not obser ve any of the ser i ous com pl i cati ons of
dex am ethasone adm i ni strati on suggested by pr ev i ous, uncontr ol l ed tr i al s
(14, 15, 17). (etc. )
3 How ever, som e i nf ants m ay have had adr enocor ti cal suppr essi on, si nce
m ean ser um cor ti sol l evel s w er e si gni f i cantl y l ow er i n i nf ants w ho
r ecei ved the 42day cour se of dex am ethasone than i n contr ol i nf ants.
(etc. )
4 We have al so f ound that the durati on of dex am ethasone therapy i s

i m por tant. (etc. )
5 Tw o poi nts r egar di ng the cl i ni cal cour ses of i nf ants i n our study ar e
w or th noti ng. Fi r st, the onl y tw o i nf ants w ho devel oped pneum othoraces
dur i ng the study per i od w er e r ecei v i ng dex am ethasone. (etc. )
6 Second, r eti nopathy was f ound i n a ver y hi gh num ber of i nf ants i n al l

thr ee gr oups. (etc. )
The m i ddl e of thi s Di scussi on m oves f r om m ost to l east i m por tant topi cs. Af ter
the answ er to the questi on i s stated at the begi nni ng of the Di scussi on (that the
therapy i s benef i ci al , see Ex am pl e 4), the m i ddl e of the Di scussi on goes on
f i r st to com m ent on ser i ous com pl i cati ons, w hi ch, i f pr esent, w oul d under m i ne
the therapy, then to ex pl ai n w hy a l ong tr eatm ent (42 day s) i s needed, and
f i nal l y to ex pl ai n poi nts not asked i n the questi on that ar e i nter esti ng but l ess
i m por tant (other com pl i cati ons). Thi s stor y l i ne i s cl ear f r om r eadi ng the topi c
sentences.
The Di scussi on cannot just stop. It m ust cl ear l y com e to an end. Tw o standar d
way s of endi ng ar e to r estate the answ er s and to i ndi cate the i m por tance of the
answ er s, or you can do both. For the Di scussi on i n Ex am pl es 4 and 5, the
author r estated the answ er s and al so the poi nt about com pl i cati ons, thus
pul l i ng the m essage of the paper together (Ex am pl e 6).
Ex a mple 6 Endi ng of a Di scussi on
P. 7
7 OIn sum m ar y, w e have show n that dex am ethasone therapy f or 42 day s l eads
to sustai ned i m pr ovem ent i n pul m onar y f uncti on and i m pr oves
neur odevel opm ental outcom e i n ver y l ow bi r th w ei ght i nf ants w ho ar e venti l ator
and ox ygen dependent at 2 w eek s of age and ther ef or e ar e at hi gh r i sk of
devel opi ng br onchopul m onar y dy spl asi a.
PAl though dex am ethasone use m ay be associ ated w i th adr enocor ti cal
suppr essi on, i t i s not associ ated w i th an i ncr eased i nci dence of m ajor
com pl i cati ons, i ncl udi ng i nf ecti on, hy per tensi on, and gr ow th f ai l ur e.
Thi s endi ng r ei nf or ces the m essage of the paper and f eel s concl usi ve.
N ote that the answ er i n the f i nal paragraph i n the Di scussi on i s v i r tual l y
i denti cal to the answ er i n the f i r st paragraph. Thi s ex act r epeti ti on of answ er s
i s i m por tant. If the answ er s w er e di f f er ent, w e w oul d not k now w hi ch one to
bel i eve.
Fi nal l y, i t i s i m por tant that the answ er answ er s the questi on asked. The
questi on f ocuses the enti r e paper f or the r eader. If the answ er does not answ er
the questi on asked, the r eader w i l l be conf used, as i n Ex am pl e 7.
Ex a mple Questi on–Answ er Mi sm atch

7
Questi on: We asked w hether l i qui d l eak s di r ectl y f r om edem atous

l ung.
Answ er : We concl ude that l i qui d l eak s acr oss the v i sceral pl eura.
In thi s ex am pl e, the answ er actual l y does answ er the questi on, but that i s not
obv i ous because the key ter m s ar e di f f er ent. To m ake cl ear that the answ er
answ er s the questi on asked, and thus to m ake the m essage of the paper cl ear,
use the sam e key ter m s i n the questi on and answ er, as i n the r ev i si on of
Ex am pl e 7.
Re vis ion
Questi on: We asked w hether l ung edem a l eak s i nto the pl eural
space.
Answ er : We concl ude that l ung edem a l eak s i nto the pl eural
space.
The r est of thi s book ex pl ai ns i n gr eater detai l how to f ol l ow these gui del i nes
so that you w i l l be abl e to w r i te a bi om edi cal r esear ch paper i n w hi ch both the
tr ees and the f or est ar e cl ear.
USING THIS BOOK

Whether you ar e usi ng thi s book by your sel f or i n a cl ass, r ead each chapter
car ef ul l y and be sur e that you under stand al l of the pr i nci pl es. Most
i m por tantl y, take the ti m e to w r i te each exer ci se car ef ul l y. It i s not enough to
r ead thr ough an exer ci se qui ck l y and thi nk br i ef l y about w hat you w oul d do to
r ev i se i t. The way you w i l l l ear n i s by str uggl i ng w i th the exer ci ses, tr y i ng to
appl y the r el evant w r i ti ng pr i nci pl es. When you com par e your r ev i si ons w i th the
ones at the end of the book , you m ay f i nd that you di d the sam e thi ng as done
i n the r ev i si ons, or you m ay have done som ethi ng ver y di f f er ent. Your r ev i si ons
m ay be better. But even i f you m i ssed the poi nt, the str uggl e w i l l have been
val uabl e. The i m por tant thi ng i s to grappl e w i th w or ds on paper, because the
onl y way to l ear n to w r i te i s by w r i ti ng. So do not peek at the r ev i si ons; gi ve
your sel f the oppor tuni ty to m ake your ow n m i stakes and achi eve your ow n
successes and thus to devel op judgm ent i n appl y i ng the pr i nci pl es of w r i ti ng.
P. 8
Som e of the exer ci ses ar e rather di f f i cul t. Tr y to spend the ti m e needed to
under stand these exer ci ses, and tr y not to get stuck i n the sci enti f i c detai l s.
Al so, the ex am pl es and exer ci ses com e al m ost excl usi vel y f r om car di ovascul ar
r esear ch, an ar ea that m ay be unf am i l i ar to som e r eader s. Agai n, tr y to thi nk
about the w r i ti ng, not the sci ence. For som e r eader s i t m ay actual l y be easi er
to under stand w r i ti ng pr obl em s i n a f i el d outsi de thei r ow n.
When you star t appl y i ng the w r i ti ng pr i nci pl es i n thi s book to your ow n w r i ti ng

(usi ng the sum m ar i es at the ends of the chapter s as check l i sts), you w i l l f i nd
that no paper can f ol l ow al l of the pr i nci pl es ex actl y. Ever y paper has i ts ow n
stor y to tel l and i ts ow n or gani zati onal chal l enges—som e detai l that does not f i t
any w her e, som e topi c that i nter r upts the stor y l i ne. Thi s i s w hy w r i ti ng a
bi om edi cal r esear ch paper i s di f f i cul t. Ther e i s no absol ute f or m ul a. Ever y
paper i s di f f er ent. You w i l l need judgm ent and cr eati v i ty to appl y the pr i nci pl es
i n thi s book to your ow n w r i ti ng, and these sk i l l s take ti m e to devel op.
Som eti m es you m ay be stum ped. If possi bl e, consul t an ex per i enced teacher of
sci enti f i c w r i ti ng or an ex per i enced author 's edi tor, or consul t a col l eague w ho
w r i tes cl ear l y. Other w i se, i f a w r i ti ng pr i nci pl e i s conf usi ng to you or you
cannot m ake i t w or k , i gnor e i t. It i s m or e i m por tant that the sci ence i s
accurate than that the w r i ti ng i s “per f ect.” As you gai n ex per i ence i n w r i ti ng,
you shoul d be abl e to bend the r ul es as necessar y to m ake your paper say w hat
you want to say. The goal i s not to f ol l ow al l the r ul es but to have a cl ear l y
w r i tten paper.
Back
Introduction
Wr i ti ng uses w or ds. Ther e ar e tw o thi ngs you can do w i th w or ds—choose them

and ar range them . The f i r st chapter of thi s book deal s w i th choosi ng w or ds.
Most of the r est of the book deal s w i th ar rangi ng w or ds. The ar rangi ng i s i n
i ncr easi ngl y l ar ger uni ts of thought—sentences, paragraphs, secti ons of a
bi om edi cal r esear ch paper, and the r esear ch paper as a w hol e.
Wor ds, sentences, and paragraphs ar e the bui l di ng bl ock s of w r i ti ng. In l ater
chapter s of thi s book , the pr i nci pl es of w or d choi ce, sentence str uctur e, and
paragraph str uctur e w i l l be ex panded to appl y to the secti ons of a bi om edi cal
r esear ch paper and to the r esear ch paper as a w hol e.
Back
Chapter 1
Word Choice
The choi ce of w or ds to use i n bi om edi cal r esear ch paper s i s gover ned by a f ew

basi c pr i nci pl es. The f i r st exer ci se i n thi s chapter i s desi gned to hel p you
di scover these pr i nci pl es by eval uati ng w or ds i n sentences. The pr i nci pl es ar e
stated and di scussed i n detai l i n the r ev i si ons at the end of thi s book . These
pr i nci pl es ar e the m ost i m por tant concepts i n thi s chapter.
The second exer ci se addr esses a di f f er ent i ssue—di sti ngui shi ng betw een w or ds
w hose m eani ngs ar e si m i l ar but not ex actl y the sam e. One r eason that
di sti ngui shi ng betw een w or ds i s di f f i cul t i n Engl i sh i s that Engl i sh i s a
par ti cul ar l y r i ch l anguage, i ncor porati ng som e hal f a m i l l i on w or ds and hav i ng
an abundance of sy nony m s and near sy nony m s. Another r eason that di sti ncti ons
ar e di f f i cul t i s that Engl i sh, l i ke al l other l anguages, i s constantl y changi ng.
For tunatel y, the m eani ngs of m ost w or ds r em ai n essenti al l y the sam e over the
centur i es. “Lungs” ar e sti l l l ungs and “to i ncr ease” i s sti l l to i ncr ease (but see
Exer ci se 1. 2). How ever, over ti m e, the m eani ngs of som e w or ds change to
ser ve the needs of the peopl e w ho speak the l anguage. One way that w or ds
change i s by tak i ng on ex tra m eani ngs. Som e w or ds even com e to m ean thei r
opposi te. For ex am pl e, “scan” m eans both “to gl ance at qui ck l y ” (as i n “to scan
a l i st of ti tl es”) and “to scr uti ni ze cl osel y.” Fur ther m or e, i n the l ast 25 or 30
year s, “scan” has taken on a new m eani ng i n m edi ci ne: “to ex am i ne the hum an
body f or the pr esence or l ocal i zati on of radi oacti ve m ater i al .” In addi ti on,
“scan,” w hi ch was onl y a ver b bef or e, i s now al so a noun, m eani ng a pi ctur e of
the di str i buti on of radi oacti ve m ater i al i n som e par t of the body. Thus, at any
gi ven m om ent, som e w or ds i n the l anguage ar e i n f l ux . Exer ci se 1. 2 f ocuses on
several sets of w or ds that bi om edi cal r esear cher s tend to conf use. Tw enty
year s f r om now, di f f er ent w or ds m i ght be i ncl uded i n thi s exer ci se.
In the r em ai ni ng pages of thi s chapter, the w or ds i n Exer ci se 1. 2, and al so

several other w or ds, ar e def i ned and ex am pl es of thei r use ar e gi ven.
In al l the ex am pl es and exer ci ses i n thi s chapter, w e w i l l be l ook i ng at w or ds i n

contex t, not i n i sol ati on. The r eason i s that w or ds ar e not “good” or “bad”
i ndi v i dual l y ; rather, w or ds m ust be v i ew ed i n the contex t of a gi ven sentence
and, as w e w i l l see, i n a gi ven paragraph and, i ndeed, i n the paper as a w hol e.
Ther e i s no f i nal author i ty on the use of w or ds i n Engl i sh. The standar d used i n
schol ar l y w r i ti ng (i ncl udi ng bi om edi cal r esear ch paper s) i s the practi ce of
educated w r i ter s. For speci f i c gui dance on the m eani ngs and ex i stence of
i ndi v i dual w or ds, Am er i cans use unabr i dged di cti onar i es such as Webster 's
Thi r d N ew Inter nati onal Di cti onar y of the Engl i sh Language U nabr i dged
(Webster 's Thi r d). For speci f i c gui dance on cur r ent usage of w or ds, see the
usage notes i n The Am er i can Her i tage Di cti onar y of the Engl i sh Language.
P. 12
EXERCISE 1.1: PRINCIPLES OF WORD CHOICE

The w or ds under l i ned i n the ex am pl es i n thi s exer ci se i l l ustrate pr obl em s
i n w or d choi ce f r equentl y f ound i n bi om edi cal r esear ch paper s.
1. Improve the w ord c hoic e i n Ex am pl es 1–27. (It i s OK to use a
di cti onar y . ) If y ou ar e not sur e of how to i m pr ov e the w or d choi ce, guess.
It i s not necessar y to change the sentence str uctur e. Just change the
w or ds. Ex am pl es 3, 16, 18, and 20 contai n cl ues to the i m pr ov em ent
needed.
2. In each of the f our gr oups of ex am pl es, the under l i ned w or ds al l v i ol ate

one pr i nci pl e of w or d choi ce. Ide ntify the princ iple of w ord c hoic e that
i s bei ng v i ol ated by each gr oup of w or ds. Wr i te the pr i nci pl e on the l i ne
af ter the Rom an num er al . N ote: Thi s ex er ci se can be done i n conjuncti on
w i th r eadi ng The El em ents of Sty l e by Str unk and Whi te (see Li teratur e
Ci ted).
3. W rite a lis t of guide line s for the us e of a bbre via tions in biome dic a l
re s e a rc h pa pe rs . Tel l
how m any abbr ev i ati ons shoul d be used i n a paper and
how to deci de w hen to use an abbr ev i ati on.
Pl ease Gi v e ex am pl es.
I.
_____________________________________________________________________
1. Re na l blood flow w a s dra s tic a lly c ompromis e d w he n the a orta w a s

obs truc te d.
Hi de Answ er
1. gr eatl y decr eased; r educed by 80%.
POIN T: “Com pr om i sed” i s i m pr eci se: w hat happened to r enal bl ood

f l ow ? (“Com pr om i se” m eans “pl ace at r i sk . ” A per son's chances of
sur v i v al can be com pr om i sed. But bl ood f l ow i s m easur abl e, so i t
i ncr eases or decr eases. ) “Dr asti cal l y ” i s al so i m pr eci se. Sci ence i s
quanti tati v e; thus, a quanti tati v e detai l such as “by 80%” i s cl ear er
than a qual i tati v e ter m such as “gr eatl y . ”
2. The s hortc irc uit c urre nt re ma ine d inc re a s e d for s e ve ra l hours .
Hi de Answ er
2. 5? 7? 9?
POIN T: “Sev er al ” i s i m pr eci se. How l ong i s sev er al hour s? State the
m ean or a r ange.
3. The c ha nge in s hortc irc uit c urre nt produc e d by 10 5 M ma jor ba s ic

prote in w a s 85% of the ma x ima l re s pons e to is oprote re nol. A highe r
c onc e ntra tion of ma jor ba s ic prote in w ould the re fore proba bly ha ve
produc e d only a minima l furthe r inc re a s e in the s hortc irc uit c urre nt.
Hi de Answ er
3. i ncr ease.
POIN T: A change coul d be ei ther an i ncr ease or a decr ease. Fr om the

f i r st sentence w e cannot tel l w hether the author m eant i ncr ease or
decr ease. But f r om “f ur ther i ncr ease” i n the nex t sentence w e can
see that the change i n the f i r st sentence m ust hav e been an i ncr ease.
It i s cl ear est to w r i te “i ncr ease, ” not “change, ” i n the f i r st sentence.
4. The c e lls w e re e x pos e d to lipoprote inde fic ie nt s e rum for 48 h.
Hi de Answ er
4. i ncubated i n, gr ow n i n, bathed i n.
POIN T: “Ex posed to” i s i m pr eci se. How w er e the cel l s ex posed? U se a
pr eci se ter m . “Put i n” does not w or k her e because the cel l s pr obabl y
w er e not added f or 48 h.
5. Anima ls w e re s tudie d 4–9 w e e k s la te r.
Hi de Answ er
5. l am bs.
POIN T: Keep the nam e of the ani m al i n the r eader 's m i nd.
6. In Xe nopus , mic roinje c tion of mRNA on the dors a l s ide ve ntra lize d the
e mbryo. This ve ntra lizing e ffe c t w a s re s c ue d by βc a te nin or Sia mois .
Hi de Answ er
6. pr evented, bl ocked.
7. De fic its in Dros ophila c onta ining a de le tion of its AP P homologue c a n be

pa rtia lly re s c ue d by huma n AP P 695.
Hi de Answ er
7. of f set.
POIN T: “To r escue” m eans to f r ee f r om death or destr ucti on. An

appr opr i ate use of “r escue” i s to say that the phenoty pe i s r escued
(f r om death or destr ucti on) by som e ev ent i n the genoty pe. In
Ex am pl e 6, an i nter v enti on pr ev ents a pr ocess (i t does not r escue the
pr ocess). In Ex am pl e 7, one substance of f sets the l ack of another
substance (i t does not r escue the l ack of another substance).
“Rescue” i s an ex am pl e of a “buzz w or d, ” that i s, a w or d that i s i n
f ashi on. U si ng a buzz w or d show s that y ou bel ong to the cl ub. It i s
r easonabl e to use cur r ent ter m i nol ogy , i ncl udi ng buzz w or ds, but the
pr obl em w i th buzz w or ds i s that they ar e of ten i m pr eci se. So use
buzz w or ds onl y i n thei r pr eci se m eani ng.
8. Tra ns c ription of the promote r of the c a lc iumde pe nde nt prote a s e

(CANP ) ge ne is ne ga tive ly re gula te d by re pe a te d G Cric h e le me nts .
Hi de Answ er
8. pr evented, i nhi bi ted, r epr essed.
POIN T: “N egati v el y r egul ated” i s a v ague w ay of ex pr essi ng a concept

that can be conv ey ed pr eci sel y by a v ar i ety of v er bs.
P. 13
9. In is ola te d, pe rfus e d dog lungs , infus ion of s e rotonin w a s a s s oc ia te d
w ith a n inc re a s e in mic rova s c ula r pre s s ure .
Hi de Answ er
9. caused OR r esul ted i n OR l ed to an i ncr ease i n m i cr ovascul ar
pr essur e, OR i ncr eased m i cr ovascul ar pr essur e.
POIN T: “Was associ ated w i th” i s i m pr eci se. It i ndi cates onl y that
som e connecti on ex i sts. If y ou can speci f y w hat the connecti on i s,
y ou shoul d do so.
10. W e found a line a r inc re a s e in the pe rc e nta ge of e a rly los s of

mic ros phe re s w ith a doubling of c orona ry a rte ria l pre s s ure .
Hi de Answ er
10. and OR accom pani ed by.
11. W ith inha la tion of a myl nitra te , c omplia nc e de c re a s e d.
Hi de Answ er
11. dur i ng.
12. Ma x ima l c orona ry va s odila ta tion w ith c a rboc hrome n ha d othe r e ffe c ts .
Hi de Answ er
12. i nduced by.
13. The s a lic yla te s a re ra pidly a bs orbe d w ith a pe a k pla s ma s a lic yla te
c onc e ntra tion w ithin 2 h.
Hi de Answ er
13. , r eachi ng OR, as ev i denced by.
14. The os motic pre s s ure of pla s ma w a s s ubtra c te d from the os motic
pre s s ure of pla s ma w ith he pa rin.
Hi de Answ er
14. pl asm a that contai ned hepar i n, OR hepar i ni zed pl asm a, OR
hepar i ncontai ni ng pl asm a.
POIN T: “Wi th” i s the v aguest, m ost am bi guous w or d i n Engl i sh.

Sentences 10–14 i l l ustr ate f i v e di f f er ent m eani ngs of “w i th”: addi ti on,
ti m e, cause, suppor ti ng detai l , and com ponent, r especti v el y . Because
“w i th” can m ean so m any di f f er ent thi ngs, i t i s cl ear est to use a
pr eci se ter m w henev er possi bl e. The r eader shoul d not hav e to guess
w hat y ou m ean. (N ote: “Wi th” does hav e l egi ti m ate uses. Its basi c
m eani ng i s “i n the com pany of , ” as i n “I w ent to the m ov i es w i th m y
f r i ends. ” Another standar d m eani ng of “w i th” i s “by the m eans or
agency of , ” as i n “We m easur ed the desk w i th a r ul er . ” A thi r d
m eani ng of “w i th” i s “hav i ng as an attr i bute, ” as i n “pati ents w i th
di abetes. ” Fi nal l y , som e v er bs ar e f ol l ow ed by “w i th, ” f or ex am pl e,
“suppl em ented w i th, ” “com par ed w i th, ” “v enti l ated w i th. ”)
II.
____________________________________________________________________
15. Blood s a mple s w e re dra w n from the 5 fe ma le a nd 3 ma le c hildre n a t ½,

1, 2, 3, a nd 4 h follow ing the initia tion of dia lys is .
Hi de Answ er
15. gi r l s, boy s, af ter, begi nni ng.
POIN T: In Ex am pl es 15–17, the techni cal ter m s (di al y si s, r epl i cati on,
chr om osom es, DN A pol y m er ases, transacti ng f actor , GCr i ch
sequences) ar e heav y and m ak e r eadi ng sl ow . To k eep the sentence
l i ght and r eadabl e, m ak e the other w or ds as si m pl e as possi bl e.
(N ote that “f em al e, ” “m al e, ” “f ol l ow i ng, ” “i ni ti ati on, ” “i ni ti ate, ” and
“i ni ti al ” ar e not “bad w or ds”; they ar e just unnecessar i l y f ancy i n
these sentences. )
16. The ra pid re plic a tion of c hromos ome s re lie s on DNA polyme ra s e s tha t
initia te re plic a tion in re s pons e to re gula tory s igna ls , a c hie ve high
proc e s s ivity w ithout dis s oc ia tion from the te mpla te , a nd the n dis e nga ge
ra pidly a nd re s ta rt re plic a tion e ls e w he re a s ne e de d.
Hi de Answ er
16. star t.
POIN T: If pol y m er ases “r estar t” r epl i cati on el sew her e (end of the
sentence), they pr esum abl y “star t” r epl i cati on her e.
17. As a n initia l s te p tow a rd unde rs ta nding the re la tions hip be tw e e n

multiple tra ns a c ting fa c tors a nd G Cric h s e que nc e s , w e ha ve is ola te d a
c DNA c lone for a fa c tor tha t binds to a G Cric h s e que nc e .
Hi de Answ er
17. a f i r st.
18. The e x pre s s ion of the s e ge ne s by motor ne urons is e vide nt prior to the
forma tion of dis tinc t motor a x on pa thw a ys a nd be fore the s e gre ga tion of
motor ne urons into c olumns .
Hi de Answ er
18. bef or e.
POIN T: “Bef or e” segr egati on i s used at the end of the sentence, so

“bef or e” f or m ati on can be used at the begi nni ng of the sentence.
19. The s e multiple doc k ing s ite s guide the s a lta tory move me nt of
k a ryophe rinNLS prote in c omple x e s from the c ytopla s mic to the
nuc le opla s mic s ide of the nuc le a r pore c omple x by a s e rie s of doc k ing a nd
undoc k ing re a c tions .
Hi de Answ er
19. di sconti nuous, l eapi ng, jum pi ng.
POIN T: “Sal tator y ” i s a f ancy , abstr act w or d, unl i k el y to be f am i l i ar

to nati v e speak er s of Engl i sh, l et al one to nonnati v e speak er s. In
contr ast, “dock i ng” i s a si m pl e, pi ctur esque w or d. “Sal tator y ” cl ashes
w i th “dock i ng. ” “Leapi ng” and “jum pi ng” cr eate a m ental i m age that
w or k s w i th the i m age cr eated by “dock i ng. ” If these i m ages ar e not
pr eci se, use “di sconti nuous. ”
20. P ros ta gla ndins a re k now n to e nha nc e noc ic e ptive re s pons e s a nd

a c c ordingly indome tha c in a nd a s pirin ha ve be e n s how n to re duc e pa in.
Hi de Answ er
20. i ncr ease pai n.
POIN T: If the author i s w i l l i ng to say “r educe pai n” at the end of the
sentence, he or she shoul d be w i l l i ng to say “i ncr ease pai n, ” the
si m pl e opposi te, at the begi nni ng of the sentence. “Enhance” i s a
buzz w or d. Its m eani ng i s v ague. Li k e “w i th, ” “enhance” i s used f or a
v ar i ety of m eani ngs and thus has al m ost no m eani ng i tsel f (see
Exer ci se 1. 2).
21. In the s oma tos e ns ory s ys te m, for e x a mple , the diffe re nt s oma tic
s e ns ory s ubmoda litie s (touc h, proprioc e ption, noc ic e ption, a nd
the rmore gula tion) re s ult from the a c tiva tion of dis tinc t s e ns ory
P . 14
c e lls tha t proje c t to s pe c ific re gions of the bra in via topogra phic a lly
s e gre ga te d pa thw a ys .
Hi de Answ er
21. subty pes, f uncti ons, senses; pai n; heat.
POIN T: Ei ther use a si m pl er w or d than “subm odal i ti es, ” such as

“subty pes” or “f uncti ons, ” or si m pl i f y “som ati c sensor y
subm odal i ti es” to “som ati c senses. ” The l i st of senses poses an
i nter esti ng pr obl em : si m pl e w or ds ar e av ai l abl e f or al l but one of
these senses (pr opr i ocepti on). Si m i l ar l y , com pl ex w or ds ar e av ai l abl e
f or al l but one of these senses (touch). It w oul d be best i f al l the
senses coul d be nam ed by si m pl e w or ds, but si nce they cannot, use
as m any si m pl e w or ds as y ou can.
22. The s e ga nglia c onta ine d 1–40 ne urona l pe rik a rya .
Hi de Answ er
22. cel l bodi es.
23. The Dopple r s igna l dis pla ye d c ontinuous , low fre que nc y blood flow tha t
w a s dire c te d he pa tope ta lly.
Hi de Answ er
23. towar d the l i ver.
POIN T: Ev en though “per i k ar y a” and “hepatopetal l y ” ar e l egi ti m ate

techni cal ter m s, the si m pl er ter m s “cel l bodi es” and “tow ar d the
l i v er ” can be used her e. Speci al i sts w i l l not be i nsul ted by the use of
the si m pl er ter m s, and peopl e f r om other f i el ds w i l l under stand the
si m pl er ter m s m or e r eadi l y than they w i l l the f ancy ones.
III.
___________________________________________________________________
24. Afte r 4 h of he modia lys is , w e a bruptly e nde d the he modia lys is

proc e dure .
Hi de Answ er
24. Af ter 4 h, w e abr uptl y ended the hem odi al y si s pr ocedur e.
POIN T: “Of hem odi al y si s” i s unnecessar y because i t i s i m pl i ed by the

r est of the sentence.
25. Ox yge n upta k e in re s pons e to drugs w a s e x a mine d a nd found to va ry
c ons ide ra bly.
Hi de Answ er
25. Ox ygen uptake i n r esponse to dr ugs var i ed consi derabl y.
POIN T: It i s unnecessar y to say that y ou ex am i ned a r esponse. If y ou

f ound a r esponse, y ou m ust hav e ex am i ned i t. Si m i l ar l y , i t i s not
necessar y i n thi s sentence to say that a r esponse w as f ound. If y ou
say w hat the r esponse w as, thi s m ust be w hat y ou f ound.
26. W nt inhibits the a c tiva tion of G SK3β through Ds h. This inhibition le a ds

to a c c umula tion of a c ytopla s mic pool of βc a te nin.
Hi de Answ er
26. Thi s i nhi bi ti on l eads to accum ul ati on of βcateni n i n the
cy topl asm . OR Thi s i nhi bi ti on l eads to a pool of βcateni n i n the
cy topl asm .
POIN T: A pool i s an accum ul ati on. Si nce “pool ” i s a si m pl er and m or e

pi ctur esque w or d than “accum ul ati on, ” “pool ” i s f i r st choi ce her e.
27. Ma x ima l c orona ry blood flow furthe r de c re a s e d e ndoc a rdia l dia me te r

a nd inc re a s e d w a ll thic k ne s s during s ys tole . Both the de c re a s e in s ys tolic
e ndoc a rdia l dia me te r a nd the inc re a s e in s ys tolic w a ll thic k ne s s w e re
gre a te r w he n the pe ric a rdium w a s c los e d.
Hi de Answ er
27. Both of these changes w er e gr eater w hen the per i car di um was
cl osed.
POIN T: The r epeti ti on i n thi s sentence i s w or se than unnecessar y : i t

i s conf usi ng. We do not i m m edi atel y r ecogni ze that the under l i ned
w or ds i n the or i gi nal second sentence r ef er to the ef f ects descr i bed
i n the pr ev i ous sentence. To i ndi cate to the r eader that these ar e the
sam e ef f ects, i t i s cl ear est to use a categor y ter m that encom passes
both decr eases and i ncr eases. The best categor y ter m her e i s
“changes. ” In addi ti on, add “these” to i ndi cate that y ou m enti oned the
changes i n the pr ev i ous sentence.
IV.
___________________________________________________________________
28. A Thi s study m easur ed the r esponses of f or ear m bl ood f l ow (FBF) and
f or ear m vascul ar r esi stance (FVR) af ter i som etr i c handgr i p exer ci se (IHE)
and r el ated them to pl asm a nor epi nephr i ne (N E) and epi nephr i ne (E) i n 12
nor m otensi ves (N ) and 14 pr i m ar y hy per tensi ves (PH). B IHE was
per f or m ed at 30% of m ax i m um vol untar y contracti on usi ng a cal i brated
dy nam om eter. C Sy stol i c bl ood pr essur e (SBP), di astol i c bl ood pr essur e
(DBP), hear t rate (HR), FBF, FVR, N E, and E w er e m easur ed i n the r esti ng
ar m bef or e and af ter IHE. D Pr eexer ci se SBP and DBP w er e hi gher i n PH
than i n N . E FVR was si m i l ar i n PH and N . FNE was hi gher i n PH com par ed
to other m atched nor m otensi ves. G Af ter IHE, SBP and DBP w er e i ncr eased
18% and 19%, r especti vel y, i n PH and 16% and 25% i n N . H HR, N E and E
w er e i ncr eased i n PH and N . I Gr oup di f f er ences w er e not si gni f i cant. J Pr e
and post IHE FBF was si m i l ar i n both gr oups. K FVR i ncr eased
P. 15
i n both gr oups. L The f i ndi ngs i ndi cate that sk i n and m uscl e ar ter i ol ar
r esi stance at r est and dur i ng str ess i n PH w i th enhanced sy m patheti c tone
ar e not di f f er ent f r om N , and suggest that other hem ody nam i c
abnor m al i ti es, per haps i ncr eased car di ac output and spl anchni c r esi stance,
m edi ate the excessi ve neural tone and rai se bl ood pr essur e.
Guidelines for Using Abbreviations in Biomedical

Research Papers:
How m any abbr ev i ati ons shoul d be used?
How shoul d y ou deci de w hen to use an abbr ev i ati on?
Pl ease gi v e ex am pl es.
P. 16
EXERCISE 1.2: WORDS CARELESSLY

INTERCHANGED
U nder l i ne the w or d i n each set of w or ds w i thi n par entheses that m akes the best
sense i n the sentence. It i s OK to l ook w or ds up i n a di cti onar y. Af ter you f i ni sh
thi s exer ci se, check your answ er s by r eadi ng the def i ni ti ons that appear on the
nex t several pages.
1. This re s pons e w a s bloc k e d by phe ntola mine but w a s not (a ffe c te d,

e ffe c te d) by propra nolol.
Hi de Answ er
1. af f ected.
2. The digox in (a mount, c onc e ntra tion, c onte nt, le ve l) w a s inc re a s e d from
0. 5 to 2. 5 ng/ml.
Hi de Answ er
2. concentrati on.
COMMEN T: “Lev el ” i s m or e gener al than “am ount, ” “concentr ati on, ”

and “content. ” It i s OK to use “l ev el ” i nstead of “am ount, ”
“concentr ati on, ” or “content” i f y ou hav e onl y one k i nd of l ev el i n
y our paper , but i f y ou hav e, f or ex am pl e, both am ounts and
concentr ati ons, or i f y ou use “l ev el ” to m ean “hor i zontal state or
l i ne, ” w r i te the speci f i c ter m s ev er y ti m e.
3. Drug the ra py (inc lude d, c ons is te d of) 0. 25 mg of digox in pe r da y, 750

mg of proc a inimide e ve ry 4 h, a nd 40 mg of propra nolol 4 time s a da y. No
othe r drugs w e re us e d.
Hi de Answ er
3. consi sted of. (Om i t “no other dr ugs w er e used.”)
4. P re ga nglionic s timula tion (e nha nc e s , inc re a s e s ) nore pine phrine re le a s e

from te rmina ls w ithin the s upe rior c e rvic a l ga nglion.
Hi de Answ er
4. i ncr eases.
5. Inc re a s e d k now le dge of c a rdia c mus c le func tion ha s gre a tly (e nha nc e d,
improve d) our a bility to de te c t a nd qua ntify dis orde rs of myoc a rdia l
c ontra c tion.
Hi de Answ er
5. i m pr oved.
6. Tre a tme nt w ith me thylpre dnis olone a fte r the le s ion is e s ta blis he d
s ignific a ntly (e nha nc e s , s pe e ds ) re c ove ry.
Hi de Answ er
6. speeds.
7. At fre que nt (inte rva ls , pe riods ) w e me a s ure d pH, P o 2 , a nd P c o 2 in

a rte ria l blood, a nd during e a c h (inte rva l, pe riod) of s tudy w e me a s ure d
pulmona ry blood flow tw o or thre e time s .
Hi de Answ er
7. i nter val s, per i od.
8. W e s tudie d the re s pons e s of the follow ing (pa ra me te rs , va ria ble s ):

he a rt ra te , c a rdia c output, ox yge n c ons umption, a nd s ys te mic va s c ula r
re s is ta nc e .
Hi de Answ er
8. var i abl es.
9. Se ve ntyfive pe rc e nt nitrous ox ide (re pre s e nts , is ) a s uba ne s the tic

c onc e ntra tion in the dog.
Hi de Answ er
9. i s.
P. 17
WORDS CARELESSLY INTERCHANGED

Car ef ul w r i ter s di sti ngui sh betw een w or ds that m or e casual w r i ter s car el essl y
i nter change, such as the f ol l ow i ng sets of w or ds.
DEFINITION EXAMP LE
ABILITY, CAPACITY
Abi l i ty . The Opti m al ox ygen transpor t depends on the

m ental or r em ar k abl e abi l i ty of hem ogl obi n to com bi ne w i th
phy si cal pow er to ox ygen.
do som ethi ng, or
the sk i l l i n doi ng
i t.
Capaci ty . The f ul l The ox ygen capaci ty of 1 g of hem ogl obi n i s 1. 39
am ount that m l of ox ygen.
som ethi ng can
hol d, contai n, or
r ecei ve.
ACCU RACY, PRECISION , REPRODU CIBILITY
Accur acy . The The accur acy of the pol ygraphi c m ethod f or
degr ee of esti m ati ng the ef f i ci ency of ox i dati ve
conf or m i ty of a phosphor y l ati on was checked by the conventi onal
m easur em ent to m anom etr i c techni que.
the k now n or
tr ue val ue of the
quanti ty
m easur ed.
Pr eci si on. The val ue 3. 43 show s gr eater pr eci si on than the

Br oadl y, the val ue 3. 4, but i t i s not necessar i l y m or e
degr ee of accurate.
r ef i nem ent w i th
w hi ch a
m easur em ent i s
m ade or
r epor ted.
Repr oduci bi l i ty . The r epr oduci bi l i ty of the m ethod, as anal y zed i n

The degr ee to 18 ser i es of sequenti al m easur em ents i n 12 dogs,
w hi ch r el ated was excel l ent.
m easur em ents,
m ade under the
sam e
ci r cum stances,
can be
dupl i cated.
AFFECT, EFFECT
Af f ect (ver b). To How sm ok i ng af f ects the heal th i s sti l l a m atter

act on or of concer n to phy si ci ans.
i nf l uence.
Ef f ect (noun). A We studi ed the ef f ect of epi nephr i ne on gl ucose

r esul tant k i neti cs i n dogs.
condi ti on.
ALTERN ATELY, ALTERN ATIVELY

Al ter natel y . The m i ce w er e al ter natel y f ed and depr i ved of
Fol l ow i ng by f ood.
tur ns: f i r st one,
then the other.
Al ter nati v el y . The dog's w ei ght can be contr ol l ed by di et or,

Invol v i ng a al ter nati v el y , by dr ugs.
choi ce betw een
tw o or m or e
cour ses of acti on
or possi bi l i ti es.
AMON G, BETWEEN
Am ong. In the We f ound one i ntact test tube am ong the br oken
m i dst of. ones.
“Am ong” i s used
to ex pr ess the
r el ati on of one
thi ng to a gr oup
of m any
sur r oundi ng
thi ngs. It i s not
used to ex pr ess
the r el ati on of
tw o thi ngs.
Betw een. Ther e w er e no si gni f i cant di f f er ences betw een

Ex pr esses the the thr ee ex per i m ental gr oups.
r el ati on of tw o or
m or e thi ngs as
i ndi v i dual s.
AMOU N T, CON CEN TRATION , CON TEN T, LEVEL
Am ount. The The am ount of DN A i sol ated f r om the l ef t

total bul k , or ventr i cl e of the rats was 600 µg.
quanti ty, of that
w hi ch i s
m easur ed.
Concentr ati on. The concentr ati on of DN A i n the l ef t ventr i cl e of

The am ount of a the rat i s 1. 5 µg/m g of ti ssue. The ventr i cl e
substance w ei ghs 400 m g. Ther ef or e, the ventr i cul ar
contai ned i n a content of DN A i s 600 µg.
gi ven am ount of
another
substance; the
str ength or
densi ty of a
sol uti on.
Content. The total am ount of a substance i n another substance.
Lev el . 1 Posi ti on 1 The chest was opened at the l ev el of the f i f th

al ong a ver ti cal r i b.
ax i s; 2 r el ati ve
posi ti on or rank
2 Car di ac
output and hear t rate di d not i ncr ease
on a scal e.
3 “Level ” i s al so above nor m ox i c l ev el s.
used as a general
ter m f or am ount,
3 Bl ood sugar l ev el s (that i s, concentrati ons)
concentrati on, or
content. r em ai ned stabl e thr oughout the ex per i m ent.
CAN , MAY
Can. Denotes the Hom ogeneous cel l l i nes of shor t durati on can be
pow er, or abi l i ty, achi eved w i th cl oni ng techni ques.
to do som ethi ng.
May . Ref er s Thi s m echani sm m ay al so be the cause of the

ei ther to ozone ef f ect noted i n tw o other studi es.
possi bi l i ty or to
per m i ssi on.
CON TIN U AL, CON TIN U OU S
Conti nual . The ex per i m ents w er e ham per ed by conti nual

Inter m i ttent, i nf ecti ons i n the rat col ony.
occur r i ng at
r epeated
i nter val s.
Conti nuous. The m achi ne m ade a conti nuous hum .

U ni nter r upted,
unbr oken
conti nui ty.
IN CIDEN CE, PREVALEN CE
Inci dence. Accor di ng to data f r om the Am er i can Lung

N um ber of cases Associ ati on, the i nci dence of tuber cul osi s i s 100
devel opi ng per cases per 100, 000 per sons per year.
uni t of popul ati on
per uni t of ti m e.
Pr ev al ence. The pr ev al ence of tuber cul osi s i n the Bay Ar ea at
N um ber of cases the pr esent ti m e i s 300 cases per 100, 000
ex i sti ng per uni t per sons.
of popul ati on at a
gi v en ti m e; m or e
l oosel y, the
degr ee to w hi ch
som ethi ng occur s
(how w i despr ead,
how com m on i t
i s).
IN CLU DE, COMPRISE, COMPOSE, CON SIST OF
Incl ude. To have Condi ti ons that i ncr ease i ntraabdom i nal
as a par t or pr essur e al so i ncr ease the l i kel i hood of
m em ber ; to be si gni f i cant r ef l ux . These condi ti ons i ncl ude
m ade up of, at obesi ty, asci tes, and pr egnancy.
l east i n par t; to
contai n. “Incl ude”
of ten i m pl i es an
i ncom pl ete
l i sti ng.
Com pr i se. To The U ni on com pr i ses 50 states.

consi st of.
“Com pr i se”
i m pl i es a
com pl ete l i sti ng.
“Com pr i se” i s not
used i n the
passi ve.
Com pose. To The U ni on i s com posed of 50 states.

m ake up the
consti tuent par ts
of. “Com pose” i s
f r equentl y used
i n the passi ve.
Consi st of . To be Pr epr ol acti n and oval bum i n consi st of 228 and

m ade up of, to be 385 r esi dues, r especti vel y.
com posed of.
IN CREASE, AU GMEN T, EN HAN CE, IMPROVE, SPEED
Incr ease. A Al though the i nsul i n concentrati on i ncr eased, the

general w or d that i nsul i n/gl ucose rati o decr eased.
m eans to becom e
or to m ake
Bl ood pr essur e w as i ncr eased by i ntravenous
gr eater i n som e
i njecti on of epi nephr i ne.
r espect, such as
si ze, quanti ty,
num ber, degr ee,
val ue, or
i ntensi ty.
Augm ent. A m or e Conf i scati on of the m onaster i es gr eatl y

f or m al w or d that augm ented the r esour ces of the cr ow n.
general l y i m pl i es
to i ncr ease by
addi ti on, of ten to
i ncr ease
som ethi ng that i s
al r eady of a
consi derabl e
si ze, am ount,
etc.
Enhance. An The neat pol i shed f l oor s w er e enhanced by f i ne

eval uati ve w or d Arabi an car pets.
that m eans to
add to som ethi ng
al r eady
attracti ve,
w or thy, or
val uabl e, thus
i ncr easi ng i ts
val ue.
Im pr ov e. To The pati ent's condi ti on di d not i m pr ov e af ter

advance to a chem otherapy.
better state or
qual i ty ; to m ake
better.
Speed. To Ly i ng i n bed f or 10 day s speeds r ecover y f r om a

hasten. back i njur y.
IN TERVAL, PERIOD
Inter v al . The El ectr i cal testi ng was per f or m ed at 5m i n

ti m e betw een tw o i nter v al s f or a per i od of 30 m i n af ter the
speci f i ed adm i ni strati on of i nsul i n.
i nstants, events,
or states.
Per i od. The ti m e

dur i ng w hi ch
events or states
occur.
LOCATE, LOCALIZE
Locate. To We l ocated a f etal hi ndl eg and del i ver ed i t

deter m i ne the thr ough a sm al l i nci si on i n the uter i ne wal l .
posi ti on of
som ethi ng; to
f i nd i ts l ocati on.
Local i ze. (Wi th Hot appl i cati ons hel ped to l ocal i ze the i nf ecti on.
an object) To
conf i ne or f i x i n
a par ti cul ar ar ea
or par t. (Wi thout
an object) To
col l ect or Iodi ne tends to l ocal i ze i n the thy r oi d.
accum ul ate i n or
be r estr i cted to a
speci f i c or
l i m i ted ar ea.
MILLIMOLE, MILLIMOLAR, MILLIMOLAL
Mi l l i m ol e(m m ol ).
An am ount, not a
concentrati on. A 0. 5 m i l l i m ol ar sol uti on contai ns 0. 5 m i l l i m ol e
of a sol ute i n 1 l i ter of sol uti on (or , a 0. 5 m M
sol uti on contai ns 0. 5 m m ol /l i ter of sol uti on. ) The
Mi l l i m ol ar (m M). f i nal vol um e i s 1 l i ter.
A concentr ati on,
not an am ount.
Mi l l i m ol al . A A 0. 5 m i l l i m ol al sol uti on contai ns 0. 5 m m ol of a

concentr ati on, sol ute i n 100 gram s of sol vent. The f i nal vol um e
not an am ount. m ay be m or e or l ess than 1 l i ter.
MU CU S, MU COU S
Mucus. The noun.

Mucus i s a v i scous secr eti on of the m ucous
m em branes.
Mucous. The
adjecti ve.
OPTIMAL, OPTIMU M
Opti m al . The An or gani sm w i l l gr ow best under opti m al
adjecti ve; never condi ti ons.
used as a noun.
Opti m um . The The opti m um i s the m ost f avorabl e set of

noun; of ten used condi ti ons f or the gr ow th or r epr oducti on of an
as an adjecti ve. or gani sm .
PARAMETER, VARIABLE, CON STAN T
Constant. A Pi i s a constant; 2 i s a constant.

constant i s a
quanti ty that i s
f i xed, that i s, the
sam e w her ever i t
i s f ound.
Par am eter . A Par am eter s f r om saturati on ex per i m ents (the

param eter i s not di ssoci ati on constant, K D , and the r eceptor
f i xed absol utel y, concentrati on, B max ) w er e deter m i ned by an
as a constant i s.
anal y si s of bound l i gand as a f uncti on of f r ee
A param eter can
l i gand.
change. But a
param eter i s
f i xed f or a gi ven
sy stem . Thus, a
param eter i s a
character i sti c,
that i s, a def i ner,
of a sy stem .
Var i abl e. A The concentrati on of a dr ug i n the bl ood pl asm a

var i abl e i s a as a f uncti on of ti m e af ter i njecti on i s a v ar i abl e.
quanti ty that can
change i n a gi ven
sy stem . Thus, a
var i abl e i s not a
character i sti c
(def i ner ) of a
sy stem .
N ote: The m ean In a pr ocess f or w hi ch gr ow th rate i s

and standar d pr opor ti onal to m ass—r epr esented, f or ex am pl e,
dev i ati on of a by dm /dt = k m —ther e i s an ex ponenti al
gi ven popul ati on r el ati onshi p betw een the v ar i abl es m ass, m , and
ar e par am eter s. ti m e, t;m gr ow s ex ponenti al l y as t i ncr eases
Esti m ates of the (see the equati on bel ow ). The ex act shape of the
m ean and ex ponenti al i ncr ease depends on the val ue of the
standar d par am eter k , w hi ch i s di f f er ent f or di f f er ent
dev i ati on sy stem s. The val ue of k deter m i nes the ex act
(obtai ned f r om a natur e of the ex ponenti al r el ati onshi p f or the
random sam pl e speci f i c sy stem (see the graph bel ow ). If k i s
f r om that l ar ge (f or ex am pl e, 1. 0), the gr ow th rate i s
popul ati on) ar e rapi d; i f k i s sm al l (f or ex am pl e, 0. 005), the
stati sti cs. gr ow th rate i s sl ow. The var i abl es m ass and ti m e
can take on m any val ues i n each sy stem . The
par am eter k has a f i xed val ue f or each sy stem .
Recom m endati on:
Do not use
“param eter ”
unl ess you ar e
di scussi ng an
equati on. You
pr obabl y m ean
“var i abl e” or one
of i ts num er ous
sy nony m s, such
as “f actor,”
“character i sti c,”
“condi ti on,”
“cr i ter i on,”
“i ndex ,” or
“m easur e.” If you
m ean “per i m eter ”
(!), use
“per i m eter.”
PRON E, SU PIN E
Pr one. Ly i ng or We pl aced the dog pr one on the tabl e so that w e

pl aced so that coul d ex am i ne i ts back .
the f ace and the
bel l y ar e
dow nwar d.
Supi ne. Ly i ng or We pl aced the apnei c m an supi ne and appl i ed

pl aced on the r hy thm i c pr essur e to hi s r i b cage.
back (spi ne) w i th
the f ace and the
bel l y up.
REPRESEN T, BE
Repr esent. To Each data poi nt r epr esents one m easur em ent of
ser ve as a si gn ai r way r esi stance.
or sy m bol of ; to
take the pl ace of.
Be. Equal , Al cohol i s a depr essant of the central ner vous

consti tute. sy stem .
Back
Chapter 2
Sentence Structure
Engl i sh sentences ar e cl ear est, m ost f or cef ul , and easi est to under stand i f they
ar e si m pl e and di r ect. If i nstead sentences ar e com pl i cated and i ndi r ect, the
r eader i s sl ow ed dow n and even conf used. Fi ve techni ques that hel p keep
sentences si m pl e and di r ect ar e
Ex pr essi ng the cor e of the m essage i n the subject, ver b, and com pl eter
Avoi di ng noun cl uster s
Wr i ti ng shor t sentences
U si ng cl ear pr onouns
Putti ng paral l el i deas i n paral l el f or m
We w i l l ex am i ne these f i ve techni ques, and al so f i ve other techni ques, i n thi s

chapter.
EXPRESS THE CORE OF THE MESSAGE IN THE

SUBJECT, VERB, AND COMPLETER
A sentence i s m ost l i kel y to be si m pl e and di r ect i f the subject, ver b, and
com pl eter convey the cor e of the m essage. To ensur e that they do, m ake the
topi c the subject of the sentence and put the acti on of the sentence i n the ver b.
(The topi c i s w hat the sentence i s tal k i ng about. The acti on i s w hat the topi c i s
doi ng or w hat i s bei ng done to i t. )
Make the Topic the Subject of the Sentence
Ex a mple The chi l dr en w i th ar ter i ovenous shunts ha d the shunts

2. 1 opened, hepar i n i njected, and the ar ter i al and venous
si des of the shunt cl am ped.
In thi s sentence, the subject and ver b ar e chi l dr en ha d. But the topi c of thi s
sentence i s not chi l dr en, and the m essage i s not about chi l dr en hav i ng
som ethi ng (as i t w oul d be, f or ex am pl e, i n the sentence, “The chi l dr en had
di abetes m el l i tus”). Thi s sentence has thr ee topi cs—shunts, hepar i n, and the
si des of the shunt—and the m essage of the sentence i s about w hat happened to
them . Ther ef or e, these ter m s shoul d be the subjects of the sentence.
Re vis ion In the chi l dr en w ho had ar ter i ovenous shunts, the shunts
w e re ope ne d, hepar i n w a s inje c te d, and the ar ter i al
and venous si des of the shunt w e re c la mpe d.
P. 23
In thi s r ev i si on, the topi cs ar e the subjects of the sentence, and the subjects
and ver bs convey the m essage of the sentence.
Put the Action in the Verb

Ver bs ex pr ess acti on i n Engl i sh. If the acti on of a sentence i s ex pr essed by the
m ai n ver b, the sentence i s natural and di r ect and easy to under stand. If,
i nstead, the acti on i s ex pr essed i n a noun, the sentence i s obl i que, tangl ed, and
m or e di f f i cul t to under stand.
Many nouns that ex pr ess acti on ar e m ade by addi ng a noun endi ng to a ver b, as
i n the l i st bel ow. In addi ti on, the ver bs “i ncr ease” and “decr ease” ar e used as
nouns.
Noun Endings Used to Make Nouns from Verbs
Ending Ve rb Noun
ti on pr ol ong, i nhi bi t f or m , pr ol ongati on, i nhi bi ti on f or m ati on,

decom pose decom posi ti on
m easur e, assess m easur em ent, assessm ent

m ent
ence occur, ex i st occur r ence, ex i stence
al r em ove r em oval

When the ver b i n a sentence i s m ade i nto a noun, another ver b m ust be added,
si nce a sentence nor m al l y has a ver b i n i t. These ver bs ar e usual l y vague,
because they do not ex pr ess the acti on. Ex am pl es of these vague ver bs ar e
“occur r ed,” “was seen,” “was noted,” and “was obser ved.” Other ex am pl es ar e
“caused,” “pr oduced,” and “show ed.”
Thr ee com m on way s of ex pr essi ng acti on i n a noun i nstead of i n a ver b ar e to

put the acti on i n the subject of the sentence, to put the acti on i n the object of
the ver b, and to put the acti on i n a pr eposi ti onal phr ase.
Action Inappropriately in the Subject
Ex a mple 2. 2 An i ncr ease i n hear t rate oc c urre d.
In thi s ex am pl e, the ver b (oc c urre d) does not ex pr ess the acti on of the
sentence. Instead, the subject of the sentence (i ncr ease) ex pr esses the acti on.
As a r esul t, the gram m ar does not coor di nate w i th the m eani ng, and the
sentence i s com pl i cated and i ndi r ect.
To r ev i se a sentence w hose acti on i s i n the subject,
Om i t the subject and the pr eposi ti on that f ol l ow s i t (her e “i ncr ease i n”).
Repl ace the vague ver b (her e “occur r ed”) w i th the acti on f r om the om i tted
subject (her e “i ncr ease” becom es “i ncr eased”).
Re vis ion Hear t rate inc re a s e d.

P. 24
In the r ev i sed sentence, the gram m ar and the m eani ng coi nci de. That i s, the
subject states the topi c (hear t rate) and the ver b ex pr esses the acti on
(i ncr eased). Thus, the sentence i s si m pl e and di r ect.
In addi ti on, the r ev i sed sentence has f ew er w or ds than the or i gi nal sentence
and hence i s m or e ef f i ci ent.
Acti on i n the An i ncr ease i n hear t rate (6

Subject: occur r ed. w or ds)
Acti on i n the Ver b: Hear t rate i ncr eased. (3

w or ds)
N ote al so that the vague ver b of the or i gi nal sentence, oc c urre d, does not
contr i bute to the m eani ng of the sentence (the m eani ng i s i n the subject) but
si m pl y per f or m s the f uncti on of a ver b. It coul d be r epl aced by another vague
ver b, such as “was seen” or “was noted,” w i thout appr eci abl y al ter i ng the
m eani ng of the sentence.
Fi nal l y, i f w e com par e the subjects and ver bs of the tw o sentences, w e see that
the subject and ver b of the r ev i sed sentence (hear t rate inc re a s e d) ex pr ess
the cor e of the m essage, w her eas the subject and ver b of the or i gi nal sentence
(i ncr ease oc c urre d) ex pr ess onl y par t of the cor e—the acti on but not the topi c.
Thus, w hen the acti on i s i n the ver b, the sentence i s si m pl er, m or e di r ect, and
m or e ef f i ci ent than w hen the acti on i s i n the subject.
Action Inappropriately in the Object
Ex a mple 2. 3 The new dr ug c a us e d a decr ease i n hear t rate.
Re vis ion The new dr ug de c re a s e d hear t r ate.

In thi s ex am pl e, the acti on i s ex pr essed by the object (“decr ease”), and the
tr ue object (“hear t rate”) i s si detracked i nto a pr eposi ti onal phrase (“i n hear t
rate”). Thus, the subject, ver b, and object of the or i gi nal sentence (dr ug
c a us e d a decr ease) ex pr ess l ess of the sentence's m essage than do the
subject, ver b, and object of the r ev i sed sentence (dr ug de c re a s e d hear t r ate).
Agai n, w hen the acti on i s i n the ver b, the sentence i s si m pl er, m or e di r ect, and
m or e ef f i ci ent than w hen the acti on i s i n the object.
To r ev i se a sentence w hose acti on i s i n the object, om i t the ver b (her e

“caused”) and the object and pr eposi ti on that f ol l ow i t (her e “a decr ease i n”).
Then m ake a new ver b f r om the object (her e “a decr ease” becom es
“decr eased”).
Action Inappropriately in a Prepositional Phrase

Som eti m es acti on i s ex pr essed i n the object of a pr eposi ti on, and ther e i s no
ver b. (Pr eposi ti ons ar e w or ds such as “of,” “f or,” “on,” “i n,” “to,” “w i th.”)
Ex a mple WITH BILATERAL LEG VESSEL CON GESTION , the

2. 4 com pl i ance of f or ear m vessel s i ncr eased si gni f i cantl y.
In Ex am pl e 2. 4, the acti on i n the f i r st par t of the sentence i s ex pr essed i n the

noun “congesti on,” w hi ch i s the object of the pr eposi ti on “w i th.” Thi s
pr eposi ti onal phrase i s dense and di f f i cul t to r ead. One r eason i s that “w i th” i s
i m pr eci se. A m or e pr eci se w or d (“dur i ng”) w oul d m ake the sentence cl ear er.
Another r eason thi s pr eposi ti onal phrase i s di f f i cul t to r ead i s that ther e i s no
ver b. To m ake thi s sentence easi er to r ead, add a conjuncti on f ol l ow ed by a
subject and a ver b, thus cr eati ng a cl ause. Speci f i cal l y, si nce the pr eposi ti on
P. 25
“w i th” m eans “dur i ng,” change “w i th” to the conjuncti on “w hen” or “w hi l e” or
“as.” Then m ake “vessel ” the subject, and change the noun “congesti on” to the
ver b i t was m ade f r om (“w er e congested”).
Re vis ion WHEN THE VESSELS IN BOTH LEGS W ERE CONG ESTED,
the com pl i ance of f or ear m vessel s i ncr eased si gni f i cantl y.
N ote that i n the r ev i si on, the f ancy ter m “bi l ateral ” can be om i tted.
In the nex t ex am pl e, the suppr essed ver bs ar e not so obv i ous as i n the f i r st
ex am pl e.
Ex a mple WITH HYPOXIA OF LON GER DU RATION OR SEVERER

2. 5 DEGREE, the shor teni ng phase m ay get pr ogr essi vel y
br i ef er.
Re vis ion WHEN HYPOXIA LASTS LON GER OR IS MORE SEVERE, the
shor teni ng phase m ay get pr ogr essi vel y br i ef er.
Thi s r ev i si on i l l ustrates that a cr uci al f actor f or cl ar i ty i n a sentence i s

ex pr essi ng acti on i n a ver b.
Action Inappropriately in a Noun Introduced by “There

Is”
“Ther e i s” a w eak way to begi n a sentence—tw o w or ds and ver y l i ttl e m eani ng.
Whenever you can avoi d “ther e i s,” you shoul d. In Ex am pl e 2. 6, “ther e i s” i s
om i tted and “al terati on,” the noun af ter “ther e i s,” i s m ade i nto the ver b i t
cam e f r om (“ar e al ter ed”). The r esul ti ng r ev i si on states the m essage m or e
cl ear l y and pow er f ul l y.
Ex a mple We tested the hy pothesi s that ther e i s a lte ra tion of

2. 6 phosphol i pi d m etabol i tes i n l i pi d of w hi te m atter si gnal
hy per i ntensi ti es.
Re vis ion We tested the hy pothesi s that phosphol i pi d m etabol i tes i n

l i pi d of si gnal hy per i ntensi ti es i n w hi te m atter a re
a lte re d.
Action Inappropriately in an Adjective Instead of in a
Verb and an Adjective
In Ex am pl e 2. 7, the sentence begi ns w i th a subject and ver b (“These r esul ts
dem onstrate”) and ends w i th an object (“r ol e…”). The m essage i s i n the
adjecti ve “essenti al ,” w hi ch m odi f i es “r ol e.”
Ex a mple These r esul ts dem onstrate the essenti al r ol e of the D1

2. 7 r eceptor i n the l ocom otor sti m ul ant ef f ects of cocai ne.
The sentence w oul d be m or e pow er f ul i f a ver b w er e added. In the r ev i si ons,

“the D1 r eceptor,” the object of the pr eposi ti on “of,” w hi ch f ol l ow s “essenti al
r ol e,” i s m ade i nto the subject and a ver b i s added. The m essage i s now i n the
ver b and the adjecti ve. (N ote that “that” i s used to l i nk the new subject and
ver b to the f i r st subject and ver b. )
Re vis ion These r esul ts dem onstrate that the D1 r eceptor is

A essenti al f or the l ocom otor sti m ul ant ef f ects of cocai ne.
Re vis ion These r esul ts dem onstrate that the D1 r eceptor pla ys an
B essenti al r ol e i n the l ocom otor sti m ul ant ef f ects of
cocai ne.
P. 26
Rev i si on A of Ex am pl e 2. 7 i l l ustrates that som eti m es the acti on ex pr essed by
the ver b i s m er el y state of bei ng (her e, “i s”). When the ver b i s “i s,” an
adjecti ve (her e, “essenti al ”) or a noun af ter the ver b i s needed to com pl ete the
m essage. Rev i si on B show s a way of r ev i si ng thi s sentence usi ng an acti ve ver b
(“pl ay s”) f ol l ow ed by an object (“r ol e”) and i ts adjecti ve (“essenti al ”). In both
r ev i si ons, the acti on i s i n the ver b, and the ver b and the adjecti ve (“i s
essenti al ” or “pl ay s an essenti al r ol e”) ex pr ess the m essage of the sentence.
Action Inappropriately in a Noun instead of in a
Participle
Som eti m es acti on can be put i n a par t of a ver b—the pr esent par ti ci pl e (ver b +
“i ng”) or the past par ti ci pl e (usual l y, ver b + “ed”). Just l i ke putti ng the acti on
i n a ver b, putti ng the acti on i n a par ti ci pl e rather than i n a noun m akes the
w r i ti ng l i vel i er and easi er to r ead.
Ex a mple One of these f actor s, TFIIH, possesses DN Adependent

2. 8 ATPase, hel i case, and pr otei n k i nase acti v i ti es that m ay
be i nvol ved i n transcr i pti on i ni ti ati on.
Re vis ion: One of these f actor s, TFIIH, possesses DN Adependent

ATPase, hel i case, and pr otei n k i nase acti v i ti es that m ay
be i nvol ved i n initia ting transcr i pti on.
Ver bs ar e the l i f ebl ood of an Engl i sh sentence. Om i tti ng them (by putti ng the
acti on i n a pr eposi ti onal phrase) or w eakeni ng them (by putti ng the acti on i n
the subject or object and addi ng a vague ver b) saps the sentence of i ts
l i f ebl ood and m akes the sentence dense and di f f i cul t to r ead.
Thi s pr obl em can be v i ew ed num er i cal l y : sentences becom e easi er to r ead as

the pr opor ti on of ver bs to nouns i ncr eases. The pr opor ti on of ver bs to nouns i s
m ax i m al w hen al l acti on i s ex pr essed by ver bs. Thi s i s the natural way to w r i te
i n Engl i sh. When sentences ar e w r i tten unnatural l y, w i th the acti on i n a noun,
the rati o of ver bs to nouns decr eases, and the sentences becom e pr opor ti onal l y
m or e di f f i cul t.
Ac tion in the Ve rbs :Nouns
Subject: An i ncr ease i n hear t rate oc c urre d. 1:2
Ver b: Hear t rate inc re a s e d. 1:1
Object: The new dr ug c a us e d a decr ease i n 1:3

hear t rate.
Ver b: The new dr ug de c re a s e d hear t rate. 1:2
Pr eposi ti onal Wi th hy pox i a of l onger durati on or 1:4

Phrase: sever er degr ee, the shor teni ng phase
ma y ge t pr ogr essi vel y br i ef er.
Ver b: When hy pox i a la s ts l onger or is m or e 3:2
sever e, the shor teni ng phase ma y ge t
pr ogr essi vel y br i ef er.
Dram ati c r ever sal s i n the ver bnoun rati o, such as the r ever sal i l l ustrated i n
the l ast pai r of sentences above, em phasi ze the advantage of putti ng the acti on
i n the ver b.
To check your w r i ti ng, ask your sel f w hat acti on you want each sentence to
ex pr ess, and then m ake sur e that you ex pr ess thi s acti on i n a ver b.
P. 27
EXERCISE 2.1: EXPRESS THE CORE OF THE

MESSAGE IN THE SUBJECT, VERB, AND
COMPLETER
Mak e the topi c the subject i n the f ol l ow i ng sentences.
1. The a dults e nde d dia lys is w ith a pla s ma a c e ta te c onc e ntra tion a lmos t
double tha t of the c hildre n.
Hi de Answ er
1. At the end of di al y si s, the pl asm a acetate concentrati on i n the
adul ts w a s al m ost doubl e that i n the chi l dr en.
COMMEN T: N ote that the subject, v er b, and com pl eter i n the r ev i sed
sentence gi v e m or e of the m essage than do the subject, v er b, and
com pl eter of the or i gi nal sentence: “concentr ati on w as al m ost
doubl e” v er sus “adul ts ended di al y si s. ” Al so note that the sam e
pr eposi ti on (“i n”) i s used bef or e “adul ts” and “chi l dr en”; “of ” coul d be
used i nstead of “i n. ” Fi nal l y , i f both the adul ts and the chi l dr en
under w ent di al y si s, that f act i s cl ear est i f “at the end of di al y si s”
com es at the begi nni ng of the sentence, because a condi ti on hol ds
unti l y ou change i t (see Chap. 3, “The Durati on of a Si gnal ” under
“Si gnal i ng the Subtopi cs of a Paragraph”).
2. The pa tie nt s how e d no c ha nge in s ymptoms .
Hi de Answ er
2. The pati ent's sy m ptom s did not c ha nge .
The pati ent's sy m ptom s w e re unc ha nge d.
3. The pa tie nt w a s be gun on 0. 6 g of a s pirin da ily a nd ha d re s olution of his

a rthritis .
Hi de Answ er
3. Af ter the pati ent be ga n tak i ng 0. 6 g of aspi r i n dai l y, hi s ar thr i ti s
re s olve d.
Aspi r i n (0. 6 g dai l y ) re s olve d the pati ent's ar thr i ti s.
Action Inappropriately in the Subject

Put the acti on i n the v er b i n each of the f ol l ow i ng sentences. (Om i t the subject
and the pr eposi ti on that f ol l ow s i t; r epl ace the v ague v er b w i th the acti on f r om
the om i tted subject. )
4. A progre s s ive de c re a s e in the de a th ra te oc c urre d.
Hi de Answ er
4. The death rate de c re a s e d pr ogr essi vel y OR pr ogr essi vel y
de c re a s e d.
5. Eva pora tion of e tha nol from the mix ture ta k e s pla c e ra pidly.
Hi de Answ er
5. Ethanol e va pora te s f r om the m i x tur e rapi dl y.
Ethanol evaporates rapi dl y f r om the m i x tur e.
6. Re mova l of pota s s ium pe rc hlora te w a s a c hie ve d by c e ntrifuga tion of the

s upe rna ta nt liquid a t 1400 × g for 10 min.
Hi de Answ er
6. Potassi um per chl orate w a s re move d by centr i f ugati on of the
super natant l i qui d at 1400 × g f or 10 m i n. (passi v e)
Centr i f ugati on of the super natant l i qui d at 1400 × g f or 10 m i n

re move d potassi um per chl or ate. (acti v e)
We re move d potassi um per chl or ate by centr i f ugi ng the

super natantl i qui d at 1400 × g f or 10 m i n. (one w ay to use “w e”)
To r em ove potassi um per chl orate, w e c e ntrifuge d the super natant

l i qui d at 1400 × g f or 10 m i n. (another w ay to use “w e”)
7. Me a s ure me nts of blood pH w e re ma de w ith a Ra diome te r c a pilla ry

e le c trode .
Hi de Answ er
7. Bl ood pH w a s me a s ure d by OR w i th a Radi om eter capi l l ar y
el ectr ode.
COMMEN T: “By ” i m pl i es that the m achi ne m ade the m easur em ent

unassi sted. “Wi th” i m pl i es that the i nv esti gator m ani pul ated the
m achi ne.
8. P rolonga tion of life for ure mic pa tie nts ha s be e n ma de pos s ible by
improve d c ons e rva tive tre a tme nt a nd he modia lys is .
Hi de Answ er
8. The l i ves of ur em i c pati ents ha ve be e n prolonge d by i m pr oved
conser vati ve tr eatm ent and hem odi al y si s.
U r em i c pati ents live longe r because of i m pr oved conser vati ve

tr eatm ent and hem odi al y si s.
Im pr oved conser vati ve tr eatm ent and hem odi al y si s ha ve prolonge d

the l i v es of ur em i c pati ents.
9. An a brupt inc re a s e in minute ve ntila tion a nd re s pira tory fre que nc y

oc c urre d in a ll dogs a s e x e rc is e be ga n.
Hi de Answ er
9. Mi nute venti l ati on and r espi rator y f r equency inc re a s e d abr uptl y i n
al l dogs as exer ci se began.
Exer ci se inc re a s e d m i nute v enti l ati on and r espi r ator y f r equency

abr uptl y i n al l dogs.
COMMEN T: N ot “Al l dogs inc re a s e d thei r m i nute v enti l ati on and

r espi r ator y f r equency abr uptl y as ex er ci se began, ” because “dogs” i s
not the topi c.
P. 28
10. Light ina c tiva tion of COP 1 w a s a c hie ve d prior to its nuc le a r de ple tion.
Hi de Answ er
10. COP1 w a s ina c tiva te d by l i ght bef or e i t w a s de ple te d f r om the
nucl eus.
In # 11, r ev i se the f i r st par t of the sentence.
11. W he n immunopre c ipita tions of a pa rtia lly purifie d TFIIH fra c tion w ith
AbERCC2 unde r me dium high s a lt c onditions (0. 5 M KCl) w e re pe rforme d,
a triple t c ons is ting of MO15, p34, a nd p32, in a ddition to the k now n TFIIH
s ubunits , w a s vis ua lize d on s ilve rs ta ine d polya c ryla mide ge ls .
Hi de Answ er
11. When a par ti al l y pur i f i ed TFIIH f racti on w a s
immunopre c ipita te d w i th AbERCC2 under m edi um hi gh sal t
condi ti ons (0. 5 M KCl ), a tr i pl et…
In # 12, r ev i se the second sentence.
12. Ba s e pa ir mis ma tc he s w ithin the he te roduple x a re s ome time s

c orre c te d, re s ulting in ge ne c onve rs ion. If mis ma tc h c orre c tion doe s not
oc c ur, pos tme iotic s e gre ga tion re s ults .
Hi de Answ er
12. If m i sm atches a re not c orre c te d, base pai r s a re s e gre ga te d
af ter m ei osi s.
Action Inappropriately in the Object

Put the acti on i n the v er b i n each of the f ol l ow i ng sentences. (Om i t the v er b.
Mak e a new v er b f r om a noun that ex pr esses acti on. )
13. W e ma de a t le a s t tw o a na lys e s on e a c h s pe c ime n.
Hi de Answ er
13. We a na lyze d each speci m en at l east tw i ce.
14. Infus ion of tyra mine produc e d a de c re a s e in c uta ne ous blood flow .
Hi de Answ er
14. Inf usi on of ty ram i ne de c re a s e d cutaneous bl ood f l ow.
15. The muta tion c a us e s a n e mbryonic le tha lity.
Hi de Answ er
15. The m utati on k ills the em br yos.
16. Homozygous p53k noc k out mic e s how e d s ignific a nt re s is ta nc e to

ne urona l a poptos is induc e d by a va rie ty of ne urona l tox ins .
Hi de Answ er
16. Hom ozygous p53k nockout m i ce w e re re s is ta nt to neur onal
apoptosi s i nduced by a var i ety of neur onal tox i ns.
17. D1lik e re c e ptors e x e rt a pe rmis s ive or “ e na bling” re gula tion of D2

lik e re c e ptors .
Hi de Answ er
17. D1l i ke r eceptor s pe rmit r egul ati on of D2l i ke r eceptor s.
D1l i ke r eceptor s re gula te D2l i ke r eceptor s.
18. The s e a ge nts e x e rt the ir a c tion by inhibition of s ynthe s is of c hole s te rol

by the live r.
Hi de Answ er
18. These agents a c t by inhibiting the sy nthesi s of chol ester ol by
the l i ver.
These agents inhibit the sy nthesi s of chol ester ol by the l i ver.

(sl i ghtl y di f f er ent m eani ng)
COMMEN T: N ot “hepati c sy nthesi s of chol ester ol ”; too abstr act.
19. This ne t diffe re nc e in os mola rity c a us e s a flux of w a te r into the

c e re bros pina l fluid, c a us ing inc re a s e d pre s s ure .
Hi de Answ er
19. Thi s net di f f er ence i n osm ol ar i ty forc e s (OR drive s , s hifts ,
dra w s ) water i nto the cer ebr ospi nal f l ui d, thus inc re a s ing pr essur e.
COMMEN T: “Thus” i s needed to k eep the noti on of causal i ty . Thi s net

di f f er ence i n osm ol ar i ty inc re a s e s pr essur e by dra w ing water i nto
the cer ebr ospi nal f l ui d.
Because of thi s net di f f er ence i n osm ol ar i ty, water flow s i nto the
cer ebr ospi nal f l ui d, thus inc re a s ing pr essur e.
Dr i ven by thi s di f f er ence i n osm ol ar i ty, water flow s i nto the

COMMEN T: “Dr i v en by ” i s m or e pow er f ul than “because of ” because

“dr i v en” i s a v er b f or m and al so because i t i s a concr ete ter m that
ev ok es an i m age.
P. 29
Action Inappropriately in a Prepositional Phrase

Put the acti on i n the v er b i n each of the f ol l ow i ng sentences.
In # 20, change “f or ” to “that” and then cr eate a subject and a v er b.
20. Re c e ntly, e vide nc e for light c ontrol ove r the nuc le a r import of a
pote ntia l tra ns c ription fa c tor ha s be e n provide d.
Hi de Answ er
20. Recentl y, ev i dence that l i ght c ontrols the i m por t of a potenti al
transcr i pti on f actor i nto the nucl eus has been pr ov i ded.
Recentl y, l i ght ha s be e n found to c ontrol the i m por t of a potenti al

transcr i pti on f actor i nto the nucl eus.
In # 21, change “w i th” to “w hen” or “w hi l e” or “as” and then cr eate a subject

and a v er b.
21. A c a ps ule of a myl nitrite w a s c rus he d a nd he ld in front of the nos e for

20 s w ith norma l re s pira tion ma inta ine d.
Hi de Answ er
21. A capsul e of amy l ni tr i te was cr ushed and hel d i n f r ont of the
nose f or 20 s w hi l e the pati ent bre a the d nor m al l y.
COMMEN T: “Whi l e nor m al r espi r ati on w as m ai ntai ned” i s not as good;

too abstr act.
IN # 22, change “w i th” to “w hen” or “w hi l e” or “as” and then cr eate a subject

and a v er b.
22. Ca lc ium is tra ns loc a te d a c ros s the me mbra ne a long w ith the forma tion
of a phos phoryla te d e nzyme inte rme dia te . Ca lc ium is the n re le a s e d into
the lume n w ith the s imulta ne ous de c ompos ition of the phos phoryla te d
inte rme dia te e nzyme into the unphos phoryla te d e nzyme a nd ADP plus
phos pha te .
Hi de Answ er
22. Cal ci um i s transl ocated acr oss the m em brane as a
phosphor y l ated enzy m e i nter m edi ate is forme d. Then cal ci um i s
r el eased i nto the l um en as the phosphor y l ated enzy m e i nter m edi ate
is de c ompos e d i nto the unphosphor y l ated enzy m e and ADP pl us
phosphate.
Cal ci um i s transl ocated acr oss the m em brane w hen an enzy m e is

phos phoryla te d. Then cal ci um i s r el eased i nto the l um en w hen the
enzy m e is de phos phoryla te d.
COMMEN T: The sour ce of the pr obl em i n both sentences 21 and 22 i s

the w or d “w i th. ” The sol uti on i n both sentences i s to add a v er b. For
Ex am pl e 22, the second r ev i si on i s best, f or f our r easons. It puts the
r eal acti on i n the v er bs (“phosphor y l ated, ” “dephosphor y l ated”). It
uses par al l el f or m (see Chaps. 2 and 3. ) It puts the contr asti ng v er bs
at the end of each sentence, w hi ch i s a pow er posi ti on (see
Em phasi s, Chap. 3). It om i ts unnecessar y w or ds. If i t i s i m por tant to
m enti on ADP, y ou can add “, thus r el easi ng ADP” at the end of the
second sentence.
Action Inappropriately in a Noun Introduced by

“There Is”
In # 23, om i t “ther e i s” and put the acti on i n a v er b.
23. The re is a mode s t e nha nc e me nt in ra dic a l c le a va ge a t ba s e pa irs 10–

12.
Hi de Answ er
23. Radi cal cl eavage is m odestl y inc re a s e d at base pai r s 10–12.
Cl eavage by radi cal s at base pai r s 10–12 is m odestl y inc re a s e d.
Action Inappropriately in an Adjective Instead of in

a Verb and an Adjective
In # 24, change “uncov er ed” to “show ed that” and put the acti on i n a v er b af ter
“show ed that. ”
24. G e ne tic w ork in C. e le ga ns unc ove re d the c e ntra l re gula tory func tion of
its BCL2 homolog in the a ppa ra tus of c e ll de a th c ontrol.
Hi de Answ er
24. Geneti c w or k i n C. el egans show ed that i ts BCL2 hom ol og
re gula te s cel l death.
P. 30
AVOID NOUN CLUSTERS

Noun Clusters
One noun i s com m onl y used to m odi f y another i n Engl i sh. Ex am pl es i n cl ude
“bl ood f l ow,” “pr otei n m etabol i sm ,” “l ung f uncti on,” and “i on concentrati on.”
But addi ng another noun (or nouns) onto an al r eady ex i sti ng noun pai r i s
conf usi ng. (For a detai l ed tr eatm ent of thi s topi c, see Woodf or d, Sci enti f i c
Wr i ti ng f or Gr aduate Students, p. 52. )
Ex a mple 2. 9 f i l am ent l ength var i abi l i ty
Ex a mple 2. 10 ai r spaces phosphol i pi d pool
At f i r st gl ance, i t i s not easy to see w hat these ter m s m ean. The ter m s ar e
cl ear er i f they ar e not com pacted i nto cl uster s.
Untangling Noun Clusters

To untangl e a noun cl uster, star t f r om the end and w or k your way to the
begi nni ng, suppl y i ng the appr opr i ate pr eposi ti ons. The cl uster can be untangl ed
com pl etel y, or som e nouns can r em ai n cl uster ed, as i n the r ev i si ons show n
her e:
Re vis ions var i abi l i ty of the l ength of the f i l am ents
var i abi l i ty of f i l am ent l ength
pool of phosphol i pi ds i n the ai r spaces
phosphol i pi d pool i n the ai r spaces
The r eason the untangl ed f or m s ar e cl ear er than the noun cl uster s i s that the
pr eposi ti ons i ndi cate how the nouns ar e r el ated to each other. N ote that the
pr eposi ti on used to transl ate a cl uster i nto under standabl e Engl i sh i s not al way s
the sam e. Her e “of ” and “i n” ar e used. Al so note that the r ev i sed ver si ons ar e
al l l onger than the or i gi nal ver si ons. Thi s i s OK. The goal i s cl ar i ty, not br ev i ty.
N ot al l sequences of nouns ar e noun cl uster s. Som e noun pai r s and even

tr i pl ets ar e so w el l establ i shed that they have becom e si ngl e w or ds. For
ex am pl e, even though “hear t rate” l ook s l i ke tw o w or ds, i t i s actual l y one
w or d. Si m i l ar l y, i n Ex am pl e 2. 10, “ai r spaces” i s one w or d. So w hen untangl i ng
noun cl uster s, tr eat such ter m s as si ngl e w or ds, and keep them i n the or i gi nal
or der (“… i n the ai r spaces,” not “… i n the spaces ai r ”). You can check an
unabr i dged di cti onar y to deter m i ne w hi ch pai r s of nouns ar e consi der ed w or ds.
Adjective Added to a Noun Cluster

The pr obl em i s com pounded w hen an adjecti ve i s added to a noun cl uster.
Ex a mple 2. 11 chr oni c sheep ex per i m ents
Ex a mple 2. 12 per i pher al chem or eceptor sti m ul ati on
What i s chr oni c—the sheep or the ex per i m ents? What i s per i pheral — the
chem or eceptor s or the sti m ul ati on? To m ake the answ er cl ear, f i r st untangl e
P. 31
the noun cl uster com pl etel y, so that no cl uster s ar e l ef t. Then pl ace the
adjecti ve i n f r ont of the appr opr i ate noun. Onl y one noun shoul d be pl aced af ter
the adjecti ve so that the r eader can tel l w hi ch noun the adjecti ve m odi f i es.
Re vis ions chr oni c e x pe rime nts i n sheep
sti m ul ati on of the pe riphe ra l c he more c e ptors
N ote that “chr oni c” m odi f i es the l ast noun i n i ts cl uster (“ex per i m ents”) but
“per i pheral ” m odi f i es the f i r st noun i n i ts cl uster (“chem or eceptor ”). Si nce
ther e i s no pr edi ctabl e patter n f or deter m i ni ng w hi ch noun the adjecti ve
m odi f i es, the cl ear est practi ce i s to w r i te the i dea the l ong way, not as a
cl uster.
Noun Being Modified Missing from the Noun Cluster
U l ti m ate conf usi on ar i ses w hen the noun that the adjecti ve m odi f i es i s om i tted
f r om the noun cl uster al together.
Ex a mple To assess f or zer o dr i f t, w e checked each catheter i n

2. 13 sal i ne at 38°C.
What i s zer o dr i f t? It sounds l i ke i t m eans “no dr i f t.” Actual l y, i t m eans

“dr i f t of the zer o poi nt.”
Re vis ion To assess f or dr i f t of the zer o poi nt, w e checked each

catheter i n sal i ne at 38°C.
Re c omme nda tion: Tr eat noun cl uster s l i ke abbr ev i ati ons. Do not use them i f
you can possi bl y avoi d them . If you ar e f or ced to use one, w r i te i t the l ong way
the f i r st ti m e you use i t; then use the cl uster.
P. 32
EXERCISE 2.2: UNTANGLING NOUN CLUSTERS

U ntangl e the noun cl uster s i n the f ol l ow i ng sentences by addi ng the
appr opr i ate pr eposi ti on or pr eposi ti ons, and other w or ds as needed. Star t at
the end of the cl uster and w or k y our w ay to the begi nni ng.
Noun + Noun
1. Shunt blood c lotting oc c urre d a fte r 5 da ys .
Hi de Answ er
1. Bl ood cl otti ng i n the shunt occur r ed af ter 5 day s.
COMMEN T: The cl uster i s untangl ed but the acti on i s i n the subject.
Bl ood i n the shunt c lotte d af ter 5 day s. (acti on i n the v er b)
2. DNAa s e I nic k ing inte rfe re nc e pa tte rns c orre s pond pre c is e ly to
e thyla tion inte rfe re nc e pa tte rns w ith both 10 bp s e que nc e s .
Hi de Answ er
2. Inter f er ence patter ns i nduced by DN Aase I ni ck i ng cor r espond
pr eci sel y to i nter f er ence patter ns i nduced by ethy l ati on f or both of
the 10bp sequences.
COMMEN T: Som eti m es a par ti ci pl e pl us a pr eposi ti on i s needed to

m ak e the r el ati onshi p betw een the nouns cl ear .
3. The pre c ipita te w a s furthe r purifie d by s uc ros e de ns ity gra die nt

c e ntrifuga tion.
Hi de Answ er
3. The pr eci pi tate was f ur ther pur i f i ed by bei ng centr i f uged on
sucr ose densi ty gradi ents (OR on densi ty gradi ents m ade of sucr ose).
COMMEN T: Al though “sucr ose densi ty gr adi ents” i s an accepted

techni cal ter m , i t i s cl ear er to w r i te i t the l ong w ay (“densi ty
gr adi ents m ade of sucr ose”) the f i r st ti m e and then to use the
cl uster . The sam e i s tr ue f or “sucr ose densi ty gr adi ent
centr i f ugati on. ”
4. Title : “ BloodBra in Ba rrie r CSF pH Re gula tion”
Hi de Answ er
4. “Regul ati on of Cer ebr ospi nal Fl ui d pH by the Bl oodBrai n Bar r i er ”
COMMEN T: N ot “pH Regul ati on” because thi s cl uster coul d m ean
ei ther r egul ati on of the pH or r egul ati on by the pH.
Adjective + Noun + Noun

U ntangl e the noun cl uster . Put the adjecti v e i n f r ont of the appr opr i ate noun.
5. The a ntige n w a s pre pa re d from w hole ra t live r homoge na te s .
Hi de Answ er
5. The anti gen was pr epar ed f r om w hol e homoge na te s of rat l i ver.
OR cr ude homoge na te s .
COMMEN T: N ot “w hol e l i v er . ” “Whol e” as i n “w hol e m i l k . ”
6. T 4 s timula te d c holine inc orpora tion into prima ry fe ta l lung c e ll c ulture s .
Hi de Answ er
6. T 4 sti m ul ated i ncor porati on of chol i ne i nto pr i m ar y c ulture s of
f etal l ung cel l s.
COMMEN T: N ot “pr i m ar y cel l cul tur es” because then ei ther the cel l s
or the cul tur es coul d be pr i m ar y . “Fetal l ung cel l s” i s OK because i f
the l ungs ar e f etal , the cel l s m ust be f etal , and v i ce v er sa.
7. P KCa c tiva tioninduc e d RACK1 tra ns loc a tion is s pe c ific for the βIIP KC
is ozyme .
Hi de Answ er
7. P KCa c tiva tioninduc e d tra ns loc a tion of RACK1 i s speci f i c… .
Adjective + () + Noun
U ntangl e the noun cl uster and add the noun that the adjecti v e shoul d m odi f y .
Put the adjecti v e i n f r ont of the noun y ou added.
8. Norma l a nd ulc e ra tive c olitis s e rum s a mple s w e re s tudie d by pa pe r

e le c trophore s is .
Hi de Answ er
8. Ser um sam pl es f r om heal thy s ubje c ts and f r om pa tie nts w ho had
ul cerati ve col i ti s w er e studi ed by (OR w i th) paper el ectr ophor esi s.
9. The re w a s no s ignific a nt diffe re nc e be tw e e n re s ting la c ta te s a nd

e x e rc is ing la c ta te s .
Hi de Answ er
9. Ther e was no si gni f i cant di f f er ence betw een l actate
c onc e ntra tions i n r esti ng s ubje c ts and i n ex er ci si ng s ubje c ts .
COMMEN T: N ot “Lactates di d not di f f er si gni f i cantl y w hen sam pl ed at

r est or dur i ng ex er ci se” because i t i s not cl ear w ho i s r esti ng and
w ho i s ex er ci si ng. In sentences 8 and 9, the subjects m ust be
m enti oned.
P. 33
WRITE SHORT SENTENCES

Shor t sentences ar e easi er to under stand than l ong sentences. Ther ef or e do not
pack too m any i deas i nto one sentence ei ther by str i ngi ng i deas together or by
tal k i ng about m or e than one thi ng at a ti m e.
Do Not String Ideas Together

Example 2.14 (53 words)
In one pati ent w ho had num er ous l esi ons, the echocar di ogram cor r ectl y
detected a l ar ge l esi on (15 m m ) attached to the r i ght cor onar y cusp but f ai l ed
to detect the 4 to 5m m l esi ons f ound at sur ger y on the r em ai ni ng tw o cusps,
w her eas i n another pati ent, the echocar di ogram cor r ectl y detected l esi ons on
al l thr ee cusps.
In thi s ex am pl e, the f i r st i dea ends bef or e “w her eas.” The second i dea bel ongs
i n a separate sentence.
Revision A
detected a l ar ge l esi on (15 m m ) attached to the r i ght cor onar y cusp but f ai l ed
to detect the 4 to 5m m l esi ons f ound at sur ger y on the r em ai ni ng tw o cusps.
How ever, i n another pati ent, the echocar di ogram cor r ectl y detected l esi ons on
al l thr ee cusps.
The f i r st sentence can al so be br oken i n tw o, bef or e “but.”
Revision B
detected a l ar ge l esi on (15 m m ) attached to the r i ght cor onar y cusp. It f ai l ed
to detect the 4 to 5m m l esi ons f ound at sur ger y on the r em ai ni ng tw o cusps.
How ever, i n another pati ent, the echocar di ogram cor r ectl y detected l esi ons on
al l thr ee cusps.
Talk About One Thing at a Time

A l ong sentence that str i ngs i deas together i s di f f i cul t to r ead. Even m or e
di f f i cul t i s a sentence that tal k s about tw o i deas at once or a sentence i n w hi ch
one i dea i s nested i nsi de another. In Ex am pl e 2. 15, tw o i deas ar e bei ng
di scussed at once: el uti on or der and ex tent of separati on.

The el uti on or der and ex tent of separati on of these tw o i soenzy m es ar e qui te
di f f er ent f r om those achi eved on DEAEcel l ul ose chr om atography of α
chy m otr y pti cdi gested S1, w her e l i ght chai n 1 em er ges f i r st, f ol l ow ed by a
w el l r esol v ed second peak of l i ght chai n 3.
The i deas i n Ex am pl e 2. 15 ar e easi er to under stand w hen they ar e w r i tten i n

separate sentences:
P. 34
Revision
The el uti on or der of these tw o i soenzy m es, l i ght chai n 3 f ol l ow ed by l i ght chai n
1, i s the r ev er se of that achi eved by DEAEcel l ul ose chr om atography of α
chy m otr y pti cdi gested S1. Si m i l ar l y, the ex tent of separati on i s r ev er sed, the
peak of l i ght chai n 1 bei ng m uch better r esol v ed than the peak of l i ght chai n 3.
N ote that putti ng the i deas i n separate sentences al so al l ow s pr eci se statem ent
of w hat the di f f er ences i n el uti on or der and ex tent of separati on ar e
(i tal i ci zed).
In the nex t ex am pl e, thr ee i deas ar e pr esented i n one sentence: the pur pose of
the ex per i m ent, how the ex per i m ent was done, and a descr i pti on of the
pati ents. Fur ther m or e, the descr i pti on of the pati ents i s nested i nsi de the
ex pl anati on of how the ex per i m ent was done.

To study the m echani sm s i nvol ved i n the benef i ci al ef f ects of hydral azi ne on
ventr i cul ar f uncti on i n pati ents w ho have chr oni c aor ti c i nsuf f i ci ency, a
radi onucl i de assessm ent of ventr i cul ar f uncti on was per f or m ed i n 15 pati ents
w i th pur e aor ti c i nsuf f i ci ency, f uncti onal capaci ty I or II, at r est and dur i ng
supi ne exer ci se.
Revision A
To study the m echani sm s i nvol ved i n the benef i ci al ef f ects of hydral azi ne on
ventr i cul ar f uncti on i n pati ents w ho have chr oni c aor ti c i nsuf f i ci ency, a
radi onucl i de assessm ent of ventr i cul ar f uncti on was per f or m ed i n 15 pati ents at
r est and dur i ng supi ne exer ci se. Al l pati ents had pur e aor ti c i nsuf f i ci ency and
w er e i n f uncti onal capaci ty I or II.
In Rev i si on A, the descr i pti on of the pati ents i s pr esented i n a separate

sentence. How ever, i t m i ght be even better to put al l thr ee i deas i n separate
sentences, as i n Rev i si on B.
Revision B
Our ai m was to assess the m echani sm s i nvol ved i n the benef i ci al ef f ects of
hydral azi ne on ventr i cul ar f uncti on i n pati ents w ho have chr oni c aor ti c
i nsuf f i ci ency. For thi s assessm ent, w e di d a radi onucl i de study of ventr i cul ar
f uncti on i n 15 pati ents at r est and dur i ng supi ne exer ci se. Al l pati ents had pur e
aor ti c i nsuf f i ci ency and w er e i n f uncti onal capaci ty I or II.
In Rev i si on B, the pur pose i s separated f r om the statem ent of w hat was done.
In addi ti on, the descr i pti on of the pati ents i s put i n a separate sentence. Thus,
each sentence tal k s about one i dea, so the i deas ar e easi er to under stand.
Keep sentences as shor t as possi bl e. A num er i cal gui del i ne you can use i s to
have a m ean sentence l ength of no m or e than 22 w or ds per sentence. N ote that
thi s i s a m ean val ue. If you have tw o or thr ee l ong sentences, bal ance them by
w r i ti ng a shor t sentence. The shor t sentence w i l l have a str ong i m pact, as you
can see i n Rev i si on A of Ex am pl es 2. 14 and 2. 16. To m ake thi s i m pact w or k to
your advantage, put an i m por tant i dea i n the shor t sentence.
In paper s that have especi al l y di f f i cul t sci enti f i c content, shor t sentences ar e
par ti cul ar l y i m por tant. The har der the sci ence, the si m pl er the w r i ti ng m ust be.
P. 35
EXERCISE 2.3: OVERLOADED SENTENCES

Rew r i te the ov er l oaded sentences bel ow , or an ov er l oaded sentence f r om
y our ow n w r i ti ng, as tw o or m or e shor ter sentences.
Ex a mple 1
Muta ge ne s is of s e ve ra l MADS box prote ins inc luding MEF2 ha s s how n tha t
DNA binding re quire s the 56a minoa c id MADS box , in a ddition to a n
e x te ns ion of a bout 30 a mino a c ids on the c a rbox ylte rmina l s ide of the
MADS box , w hic h is unique to e a c h s ubc la s s of MADS box prote ins .
(49 w ords )
Hi de Answ er
Ex a mple 1
Mutagenesi s studi es of several MADS box pr otei ns, i ncl udi ng MEF2,
have show n that the 56am i noaci d MADS box i s r equi r ed f or DN A
bi ndi ng. A 30am i noaci d ex tensi on on the car box y l ter m i nal si de of
the MADS box i s al so r equi r ed. Thi s car box y l ter m i nal ex tensi on i s
uni que to each subcl ass of MADS box pr otei ns.
(53 w or ds; m ean: 18 w or ds per sentence)

COMMEN T: The or i gi nal sentence i s an ex am pl e of str i ngi ng i deas
together . The i deas ar e l i nk ed by “i n addi ti on to” and “w hi ch. ” The
r ev i si on, w hi ch i s4 w or ds l onger than the or i gi nal , star ts new
sentences at these l i nk s.
Ex a mple 2
An a dja c e nt s e c tion s ta ine d by a lc ia n blue for the ide ntific a tion of ma s t

c e lls s how s tha t s e ve ra l ma s t c e lls , but not the numbe r e quiva le nt to the
numbe r of c hyma s e mRNA pos itive c e lls in Fig. 5B, a ppe a re d in the me dia
a nd a dve ntitia re gion of the s a me intra mura l a rte riole .
(46 w ords )
Hi de Answ er
Ex a mple 2
To i denti f y m ast cel l s, an adjacent secti on was stai ned w i th al ci an

bl ue. The stai ni ng show s that several m ast cel l s ar e l ocated i n the
m edi a and adventi ti a r egi on of the i ntram ural ar ter i ol e. How ever, the
num ber of al ci anbl uestai ni ng cel l s i s l ow er than the num ber of cel l s
that ar e posi ti ve f or chy m ase m RN A show n i n Fi g. 5B.
COMMEN T: The or i gi nal sentence contai ns an em bedded i dea (“but not

the num ber equi v al ent to the num ber of chy m ase m RN A posi ti v e cel l s
i n Fi g. 5B”). In the r ev i si on, the em bedded i dea i s put i nto a separ ate
sentence (l ast sentence) and i s r ew r i tten to cl ar i f y the com par i son.
In addi ti on, the r ev i si on uses a m or e pr eci se w or d (“ar e l ocated”)
and untangl es the noun cl uster (“chy m ase m RN A posi ti v e cel l s”). Thi s
r ev i si on, w hi ch i s 10 w or ds l onger than the or i gi nal sentence, show s
that som eti m es i t i s necessar y to add w or ds to be cl ear .
Ex a mple 3
A te mpora l a nd s pa tia l re la tions hip be tw e e n lipid pe rox ida tion a nd type I

c olla ge n ge ne e x pre s s ion ha s be e n de s c ribe d in s te lla te c e lls a nd
c orre la te d w ith a n in vitro mode l of c oc ulture be tw e e n s te lla te c e lls a nd
he pa toc yte s in w hic h, follow ing a ddition of LCL 4 in c ulture , c olla ge n
e x pre s s ion oc c urs in s te lla te c e lls loc a te d in the imme dia te vic inity of the
s te lla te c e ll–he pa toc yte bounda ry but not in dis ta nt c e lls or in s te lla te
c e lls c ulture d a lone .
(70 w ords )
Hi de Answ er
Ex a mple 3
A tem poral and spati al r el ati onshi p betw een l i pi d per ox i dati on and
ty pe I col l agen ex pr essi on has been descr i bed i n stel l ate cel l s. Thi s
r el ati onshi p has been cor r el ated w i th an i n v i tr o m odel of cocul tur e
betw een stel l ate cel l s and hepatocy tes. In thi s m odel , af ter addi ti on
of LCL 4 , col l agen i s ex pr essed i n stel l ate cel l s l ocated near the
stel l ate cel l hepatocy te boundar y but not i n di stant cel l s or i n stel l ate
cel l s cul tur ed al one.

COMMEN T: In the or i gi nal sentence, str i ngi ng i deas together cr eates a
near l y i ncom pr ehensi bl e sentence. The r ev i si on br eak s the sentence
i nto thr ee shor ter sentences. It al so shor tens the l ast sentence by
om i tti ng unnecessar y w or ds (“near ” i nstead of “i n the i m m edi ate
v i ci ni ty of ”), thus m ak i ng the r ev i si on4 w or ds shor ter than the
or i gi nal sentence.
P. 36
USE CLEAR PRONOUNS

A pr onoun i s a w or d that r epl aces and r ef er s to a noun. Ex am pl es ar e “i t,” “he,”
“she,” “they,” “these,” “those,” “them ,” “thi s,” “that,” “w hi ch,” and “both.” In
Ex am pl e 2. 17 “they ” r ef er s to “m ethods” and “that” r ef er s to “condi ti ons.”
Ex a mple We used these m ethods because they enabl ed us to

2. 17 m easur e l oss of m i cr ospher es under condi ti ons that ar e
nor m al l y used to assess bl ood f l ow.
If the noun that a pr onoun r ef er s to i s uncl ear, the r eader m ay have tr oubl e
under standi ng the sentence. The noun that a pr onoun r ef er s to can be uncl ear
f or at l east tw o r easons.
Too Many Possible Nouns

One r eason that a pr onoun can be uncl ear i s that the sentence m ay contai n too
m any possi bl e nouns f or the pr onoun to r ef er to.
Ex a mple The pr esence of di sul f i de bonds i n ol i gopepti des m ay

2. 18 r estr i ct the f or m ati on of or der ed str uctur es i n sodi um
dodecy l sul f ate sol uti on. Once they ar e r educed, the
pr edi cted conf or m ati on can be f ul l y i nduced.
In thi s ex am pl e, “they ” i s am bi guous. It coul d r ef er to ei ther “bonds” or
“str uctur es,” or even “ol i gopepti des.” To m ake the m eani ng cl ear, the possi bl e
sol uti ons ar e to r epeat the noun or to r ev i se the sentence str uctur e. Her e the
si m pl est sol uti on i s to r epeat the noun, as i n the r ev i si on bel ow :
Re vis ion The pr esence of di sul f i de bonds i n ol i gopepti des m ay

r estr i ct the f or m ati on of or der ed str uctur es i n sodi um
dodecy l sul f ate sol uti on. Once the bonds ar e r educed, the
pr edi cted conf or m ati on can be f ul l y i nduced.
Ex a mple Laborator y ani m al s ar e not suscepti bl e to these di seases,

2. 19 so r esear ch on them i s ham per ed.
In Ex am pl e 2. 19, “them ” i s i ntended to r ef er to “di seases.” To m ake the

sentence cl ear, one sol uti on i s si m pl y to r epeat “these di seases,” as i n Rev i si on
A.
Re vis ion Laborator y ani m al s ar e not suscepti bl e to these di seases,

A so r esear ch on these di seases i s ham per ed.
Another sol uti on i s to change the sentence str uctur e. The advantage of changi ng
the sentence str uctur e i n thi s case i s that the i nel egant r epeti ti on of “these
di seases” can be avoi ded.
Re vis ion Resear ch on these di seases i s ham per ed because

B l aborator y ani m al s ar e not suscepti bl e to them .
In Rev i si on B, “them ” can r ef er onl y to “these di seases” because i t i s not
r easonabl e f or the object (“them ”) to r ef er to i ts ow n subject (“l aborator y
ani m al s”).
As thi s ex am pl e dem onstrates, one of the tw o sol uti ons to an am bi guous

pr onoun w i l l usual l y w or k .
P. 37
No Possible Nouns
A second r eason a pr onoun can be uncl ear i s that ther e i s no noun f or the
pr onoun to r ef er to. Thi s si tuati on occur s w hen the w or d “thi s” i s used al one at
or near the begi nni ng of a sentence to r ef er to a concept i m pl i ed i n the
pr ev i ous sentence.
Ex a mple Ty son et al . abr uptl y occl uded the venae cavae bef or e
2. 20 anal y zi ng the hear t beats. As a r esul t of thi s, the vol um e
of the r i ght hear t rapi dl y decr eased.
To m ake the m eani ng of “thi s” i m m edi atel y cl ear, r epeat a w or d f r om the

pr ev i ous sentence af ter “thi s.” In Ex am pl e 2. 20, the i m pl i ed concept that “thi s”
r ef er s to i s “occl usi on,” so r epeat “occl usi on,” the noun f or the ver b “occl uded,”
af ter “thi s.”
Re vis ion Ty son et al . abr uptl y occl uded the venae cavae bef or e
anal y zi ng the hear t beats. As a r esul t of thi s occl usi on,
the vol um e of the r i ght hear t rapi dl y decr eased.
Som eti m es no w or d i n the pr ev i ous sentence can be r epeated, as i n Ex am pl e
2. 21 (Ex am pl e 27 i n Exer ci se 1. 1).
Ex a mple Max i m al cor onar y bl ood f l ow f ur ther decr eased

2. 21 endocar di al di am eter and i ncr eased wal l thi ck ness dur i ng
sy stol e. Both the decr ease i n sy stol i c endocar di al
di am eter and the i ncr ease i n sy stol i c wal l thi ck ness w er e
gr eater w hen the per i car di um was on.
In thi s ex am pl e, “both” r ef er s to a decr ease i n one var i abl e and an i ncr ease i n
another var i abl e. To avoi d r epeati ng so m any w or ds, w e can use a categor y
ter m . The categor y shoul d be the sm al l est one that encom passes the speci f i c
ter m s. In thi s case, the sm al l est categor y i s “changes.” (In the r ev i si on,
“changes” i s pr eceded by “of these” to i ndi cate that the changes w er e
m enti oned i n the pr ev i ous sentence. )
Re vis ion Max i m al cor onar y bl ood f l ow f ur ther decr eased

endocar di al di am eter and i ncr eased wal l thi ck ness dur i ng
sy stol e. Both of these changes w er e gr eater w hen the
per i car di um was on.
In sum m ar y, pr onouns can be uncl ear ei ther i f ther e ar e too m any possi bl e
nouns f or the pr onoun to r ef er to or i f ther e i s none. The sol uti ons f or the f i r st
pr obl em ar e ei ther to r estate the appr opr i ate noun or to change the sentence
str uctur e. The sol uti ons f or the second pr obl em ar e to r epeat a w or d f r om the
pr ev i ous sentence af ter the pr onoun or to add a categor y ter m af ter the
pr onoun.
One other poi nt w or th noti ng i s that the nouns that pr onouns r ef er to shoul d be
par t of the tex t. Subheadi ngs ar e not par t of the tex t.
Ex a mple Hear ts.

2. 22 Those used f or thi s study w er e taken f r om 13 l i tter s of
new bor n ham ster s.
Re vis ion Hear ts.

The hear ts used f or thi s study w er e taken f r om 13 l i tter s
of new bor n ham ster s.
P. 38
Item s i n par entheses, i ncl udi ng r ef er ences, ar e not par t of the tex t.
Ex a mple In pr ev i ous studi es, f etal sheep r esponded to asphy x i a

2. 23 w i th i m m edi ate f em oral vasoconstr i cti on, w hi ch was
abol i shed by sci ati c ner ve secti on (8). How ever, despi te
ner ve secti on, del ayed vasoconstr i cti on occur r ed, and
they specul ated that i t r esul ted f r om ci r cul ati ng
catechol am i nes.
Who ar e “they ”?
Re vis ion In pr ev i ous studi es, f etal sheep r esponded to asphy x i a

w i th i m m edi ate f em oral vasoconstr i cti on, w hi ch was
abol i shed by sci ati c ner ve secti on (8). How ever, despi te
ner ve secti on, del ayed vasoconstr i cti on occur r ed, and the
i nvesti gator s specul ated that i t r esul ted f r om ci r cul ati ng
catechol am i nes.
The poi nt i s that the tex t shoul d m ake sense even i f al l subheadi ngs and al l
i tem s i n par entheses ar e om i tted.
P. 39
EXERCISE 2.4: CLEAR PRONOUNS

More Than One Possible Noun
In the sentence bel ow , the pr onoun (under l i ned) coul d r ef er to m or e than one
noun. Rev i se thi s sentence to m ak e the m eani ng cl ear ei ther by r estati ng the
noun or by changi ng the sentence str uctur e.
1. To de c re a s e blood volume by a bout 10% in a fe w minute s , blood w a s

poole d in the s ubje c ts ' le gs by pla c ing w ide c onge s ting c uffs a round the
thighs a nd infla ting the m to dia s tolic bra c hia l a rte ria l pre s s ure .
Hi de Answ er
1. To decr ease bl ood vol um e by about 10% i n a f ew m i nutes, bl ood
was pool ed i n the subjects' l egs by pl aci ng w i de congesti ng cuf f s
ar ound the thi ghs and i nf l ati ng the cuf f s to di astol i c brachi al ar ter i al
pr essur e.
To decr ease bl ood vol um e by about 10% i n a f ew m i nutes, bl ood was

pool ed i n the subjects' l egs by i nf l ati ng w i de congesti ng cuf f s, pl aced
ar ound the thi ghs, to the di astol i c pr essur e of the brachi al ar ter y.
COMMEN T: The second r ev i si on av oi ds r epeati ng “cuf f s” and al so

untangl es the adjecti v e cl uster “di astol i c br achi al ar ter i al pr essur e. ”
No Possible Noun
In the sentences bel ow , the pr onoun (under l i ned) has no noun to r ef er to.
Rev i se these sentences to m ak e the m eani ng cl ear by r epeati ng one or m or e
w or ds f r om the pr ev i ous sentence.
2. Afte r re pe a te d ultra c e ntrifuga tion, the a polipoprote in AI c onte nt of

highde ns ity lipoprote ins w a s re duc e d to a bout 65% of the origina l s e rum
va lue , but no AII w a s los t. This s ugge s ts tha t the binding e nvironme nts of
the s e tw o a polipoprote ins in highde ns ity lipoprote ins diffe r.
Hi de Answ er
2. Thi s di f f er ence i n r ecover y suggests that… .
These di f f er ent degr ees of r educti on suggest that … .
Thi s sel ecti ve r educti on of apol i popr otei n AI suggests that … .
COMMEN T: These r ev i si ons ar e i n or der of l east to m ost speci f i c. The

l ast r ev i si on i s best because tw o k ey ter m s f r om the pr ev i ous
sentence ar e r epeated (“apol i popr otei n AI” and “r educed”). (See
Chap. 3, “Repeati ng Key Ter m s. ”) “These f i ndi ngs suggest that” i s too
v ague to be hel pf ul .
3. A la rge bolus of c ontra s t ma te ria l de c re a s e s the re la tive e rror by

produc ing a la rge r c ha nge in CT numbe r. This is limite d by the re la tive
diffic ulty of a dminis te ring a bolus a nd by the pa tie nt's tole ra nc e .
Hi de Answ er
3. The si ze of the bol us i s l i m i ted … .
The si ze of the r el ati ve er r or i s l i m i ted … .
The si ze of the CT num ber i s l i m i ted … .
How ever, the si ze of the bol us i s l i m i ted because l ar ge bol uses ar e

har der to adm i ni ster and pati ents do not tol erate them w el l .
COMMEN T: The f i r st r ev i si on i s the one the author i ntended, but any

of the r ev i si ons i s r easonabl e. The l ast r ev i si on i s l i ghter and easi er
to r ead than the other s because the acti on i s ex pr essed by v er bs and
an adjecti v e (“ar e har der , ” “tol er ate”).
P. 40
PUT PARALLEL IDEAS IN PARALLEL FORM

Paral l el i deas ar e i deas that ar e equal i n l ogi c and i m por tance. Ex am pl es ar e
i deas that ar e joi ned by “and,” “or,” or “but.” Another ex am pl e i s i deas that ar e
bei ng com par ed.
Paral l el i deas shoul d be w r i tten i n paral l el f or m , ei ther i n pai r s or i n ser i es.

Paral l el f or m i s the use of the sam e gram m ati cal str uctur e f or tw o or m or e
paral l el i deas. Gram m ati cal str uctur es i ncl ude cl auses (subject, ver b,
com pl eter ), phrases such as pr eposi ti onal phrases (“of,” “i n,” “f or,” etc.,
f ol l ow ed by an object) and i nf i ni ti ve phrases (“to deter m i ne,” “to i denti f y,” etc.,
f ol l ow ed by an object), and si ngl e w or ds such as nouns or adjecti ves.
The val ue of w r i ti ng paral l el i deas i n paral l el f or m i s that the f or m of the f i r st

i dea pr epar es the r eader f or the f or m of the nex t i dea. As a r esul t, r eader s can
concentrate al l of thei r attenti on on the i deas, not on the f or m .
Pairs
Pai r s of i deas—tw o i deas joi ned by “and,” “or,” or “but”—shoul d be w r i tten i n
paral l el f or m , as i n Ex am pl es 2. 24–2. 26.
Ex a mple A Contrast, Joi ned by “But”

2. 24
Car di ac de c re a s e d by 40% but

output
bl ood de c re a s e d by onl y 10%.

pr essur e
subject ve rb com pl eter (pr eposi ti onal
phr ase)
In Ex am pl e 2. 24, the gr oup of w or ds af ter “but” i s i n the sam e gram m ati cal
str uctur e as the gr oup of w or ds bef or e “but”: subject, ver b, pr eposi ti onal
phrase.
Ex am pl e 2. 25 Si m i l ar Ideas, Joi ned by “And”
We hoped to i ncr ease the c omple te re s pons e and

to i m pr ove s urviva l.
i nf i ni ti v e obje c t
Ex a mple 2. 26 Al ter nati ves, Joi ned by “Or ”
In dogs, about 20% of pl asm a gl ucose car bon i s r ecycl ed v i a tr i car bon
com pounds
ei ther in c old
or at ne utra l a mbie nt te mpe ra ture .
pr eposi ti on obje c t
In thi s ex am pl e, note that “i n col d” and “at neutral am bi ent tem peratur e” ar e i n
paral l el f or m even though the speci f i c pr eposi ti ons (“i n,” “at”) ar e di f f er ent. Al l
that m atter s f or paral l el f or m i s that both i tem s ar e pr eposi ti onal phrases.
Ex a mple 2. 27 Com par i son
Pul m onar y bl ood f l ow was al way s gr eater than
r enal bl ood f l ow .
noun
Ex a mple 2. 28 Com par i son
Car di ac output was hi gher than in the e x pe rime nta l group
in the c ontrol group.
pr eposi ti on obje c t
P. 41
If paral l el i deas ar e not w r i tten i n paral l el f or m , the l ogi cal r el ati on of the
i deas (si m i l ar i ty, al ter nati ves, contrast, com par i son) i s obscur ed.
Ex a mple Thi s l ack of r esponse coul d have been due to dam age of a
2. 29 cel l sur f ace r eceptor by the i sol ati on pr ocedur e, but i t
coul d al so be that i sol ated cel l s do not r espond nor m al l y
because the cel l s ar e i sol ated.
In thi s sentence, the gr oups of w or ds bef or e and af ter “but” ar e not paral l el , so
i t i s not i m m edi atel y obv i ous that the second hal f of the sentence i s gi v i ng
another possi bl e r eason f or the l ack of r esponse. (N ote that “i t” does not r ef er
to “thi s l ack of r esponse.”)
Re vis ion Thi s l ack of r esponse coul d have been due to dam age of a
A cel l sur f ace r eceptor by the i sol ati on pr ocedur e, but i t
coul d al so have been due to the f act that i sol ated cel l s do
not r espond nor m al l y because they ar e i sol ated.
In thi s r ev i si on, the i deas bef or e and af ter “but” ar e i n paral l el f or m , and “i t”
r ef er s appr opr i atel y to “thi s l ack of r esponse.” How ever, thi s sentence can be
w r i tten m or e si m pl y, as f ol l ow s:
Re vis ion Thi s l ack of r esponse coul d have been due to dam age of a
B cel l sur f ace r eceptor by the i sol ati on pr ocedur e or si m pl y
to the f act of i sol ati on, w hi ch coul d al ter nor m al cel l
r esponses.
In thi s r ev i si on, the i deas ar e easi er to under stand because the r epeti ti on of
“coul d have been due to” and one r epeti ti on of “i sol ated” have been om i tted. In
both r ev i si ons, the author 's i ntenti on of pr esenti ng al ter nati ve r easons i s cl ear
because the i deas ar e w r i tten i n paral l el f or m .
Three Problems in Writing Comparisons

Thr ee pr obl em s ar i se i n w r i ti ng com par i sons: over use of “com par ed to,”
com par i son of unl i ke thi ngs (“appl es and oranges”), and absol ute statem ents
di sgui sed as com par i sons.
Overuse of “Compared To”
In com par i sons contai ni ng a com parati ve ter m , such as “hi gher,” “gr eater,”
“l ow er,” “l ess,” the accom pany i ng ter m shoul d be “than,” not “com par ed to.”
Ex a mple 2. 30 We f ound a hi gher K D at 37°C com par ed to 25°C.
Re vis ion We f ound a hi gher K D at 37°C than at 25°C.
P. 42
N ote the r epeti ti on of “at” i n the r ev i si on f or the paral l el f or m .
“Com par ed to” shoul d not be used w i th “decr eased” or “i ncr eased” because the
m eani ng i s am bi guous.
Ex a mple Ex per i m ental rabbi ts had a 28% decr ease i n al veol ar

2. 31 phosphol i pi d as com par ed to contr ol rabbi ts dur i ng
nor m al venti l ati on.
Di d al veol ar phosphol i pi d decr ease (A) i n both ex per i m ental and contr ol
rabbi ts? (B) onl y i n ex per i m ental rabbi ts? (C) i n nei ther gr oup?
Rev i si on A Ex per i m ental rabbi ts had a 28% gr eater decr ease i n al veol ar
phosphol i pi d than di d contr ol rabbi ts… .
Rev i si on B Ex per i m ental rabbi ts had a 28% decr ease i n al veol ar phosphol i pi d
but contr ol rabbi ts had no decr ease… .
Rev i si on C Ex per i m ental rabbi ts had 28% l ess al veol ar phosphol i pi d than di d
contr ol rabbi ts… .
Because “decr ease com par ed to” has at l east thr ee possi bl e i nter pr etati ons,
“com par ed to” shoul d not be used w i th “decr eased” (or w i th “i ncr eased”).
Comparison of Unlike Things
Al though ever yone i s awar e that “you cannot com par e appl es and oranges,”
such com par i sons ar e com m on i n sci enti f i c r esear ch paper s.
Ex a mple These r esul ts ar e si m i l ar to pr ev i ous studi es.

2. 32
Rev i si on A These r esul ts ar e si m i l ar to the r esul ts of pr ev i ous

studi es.
N ote that a pr onoun (“that” or “those”) can of ten be used to avoi d r epeati ng the
noun:
Re vis ion These r esul ts ar e si m i l ar to those of pr ev i ous studi es.

B
Ex a mple Acti vati oncontr ol l ed r el ax ati on i n these m em brane

2. 33 depr i ved cel l s re s e mble d i ntact myocar di um f r om f r ogs.
Re vis ion Acti vati oncontr ol l ed r el ax ati on i n these m em brane

depr i ved cel l s re s e mble d that i n i ntact myocar di um f r om
f r ogs.
When to Add “That” or “Those” to a Comparison.

To deci de w hether to add “that” or “those” (or to r epeat the noun), deter m i ne
w hether the com parati ve ter m i s al l together i n one spot or i s spl i t. (In
Ex am pl es 2. 32 and 2. 33, the com parati ve ter m s, “ar e si m i l ar to” and
“r esem bl ed,” ar e al l together i n one spot. ) If the com parati ve ter m i s al l
together i n one spot, “that” or “those” i s needed. If the com parati ve ter m i s
spl i t, “that” or “those” i s not needed.
Ex a mple 2. 34
Com parati ve ter m together : (add Losses at 34 m i n w er e gr eater

“that” or “those”) than thos e at 4 m i n.
Com parati ve ter m spl i t: (do not Losses w er e gr eater at 34 m i n
add “that” or “those”) than at 4 m i n.
P. 43
Absolute Statements Disguised as Comparisons

Absol ute statem ents shoul d not be w r i tten as i f they w er e com par i sons.
Ex a mple Thi s m edi um contai ns about 4–5 m M phosphate com par ed

2. 35 to Schnei der 's m edi um .
Actual l y, thi s m edi um contai ns about 4–5 m M phosphate r egar dl ess of the
concentrati on of phosphate i n Schnei der 's m edi um . The concentrati on i s an
absol ute val ue and does not depend on any other concentrati on.
Re vis ion Thi s m edi um contai ns 4–5 m M phosphate; Schnei der 's
m edi um contai ns 9–10 m M phosphate.
If you want to com par e the tw o concentrati ons, w r i te the f ol l ow i ng sentence:

“In thi s m edi um , the concentrati on of phosphate (4–5 m M) i s about hal f that i n
Schnei der 's m edi um (9–10 m M).”
Series
In al l the pr ecedi ng ex am pl es, tw o i deas ar e i n paral l el f or m , but m or e than
tw o i deas can be i n paral l el f or m , as i n the f ol l ow i ng ex am pl es of paral l el
ser i es.
Ex a mple We washed the f i ve ti m es w i th Sol uti on

2. 36 out lungs I, of the f l uor ocar bon
i nsti l l ed 8–10 al bum i n em ul si on i nto the
ml trachea,
and i ncubated the i n 154 m M N aCl at 37°C

lungs f or 20 m i n.
v er b obje c t com pl eter
Ex a mple The best way of r em ov i ng the nonadher ent cel l s was

2. 37
to ti p the pla te at a 45° angl e, w i th 3–4 m l of

to f l ood the top e dge of m edi um ,
the pla te
to the me dium, a nd
r em ove this proc e dure unti l al m ost al l the f l oati ng cel l s
to r epeat w er e r em oved.
i nf i ni ti v e obje c t com pl eter
In a ser i es, as i n a pai r, the f or m of al l the paral l el i tem s m ust be the sam e. In
Ex am pl es 2. 36 and 2. 37, the paral l el i tem s ar e al l ver bs (“washed,”
P. 44
“i nsti l l ed,” “i ncubated”) f ol l ow ed by objects and other com pl eter s, and
i nf i ni ti ves (“to ti p,” “to f l ood,” “to r em ove,” “to r epeat”) f ol l ow ed by objects and
other com pl eter s.
Two Problems of Parallelism

Hybrids
A f r equent pr obl em of paral l el i sm i s the conf usi on betw een a pai r and a ser i es.
Thi s conf usi on r esul ts i n strange hy br i ds.
Ex a mple The D225 m odi f i cati on contai ns 12. 5 m g of cy stei ne HCl ,

2. 38 50 m g of m ethi oni ne and has a f i nal vol um e of 115 m l .
In thi s ex am pl e, the f i r st tw o val ues (12. 5 m g, 50 m g) set up an ex pectati on:

w e ex pect a thi r d val ue af ter “and.” Instead w e get a ver b (“has”). But “has” i s
not paral l el to “12. 5 m g” and “50 m g.” Rather, “has” i s paral l el to “contai ns,”
and ther e i s no thi r d val ue paral l el to 12. 5 m g and 50 m g. To si gnal that ther e
ar e onl y tw o val ues, “and” shoul d be pl aced betw een the tw o val ues, as i n
Rev i si on A (not a com m a, as i n the or i gi nal ver si on).
Rev i si on The D225 m odi f i cati on contai ns 12. 5 m g of cy stei ne HCl

A and 50 m g of m ethi oni ne and has a f i nal vol um e of 115
ml.
How ever, hav i ng tw o “ands” joi ni ng di f f er ent l evel s of paral l el i tem s i n one
sentence i s i nel egant. To avoi d thi s i nel egance, a sem i col on can be used i n
pl ace of the second “and.”
Re vis ion The D225 m odi f i cati on contai ns 12. 5 m g of cy stei ne HCl
B and 50 m g of m ethi oni ne; i ts f i nal vol um e i s 115 m l .
Paired Conjunctions
Another pr obl em of paral l el i sm i s the pr oper use of pai r ed conjuncti ons. Pai r ed
conjuncti ons ar e “both… and… ,” “ei ther… or… ,” “nei ther… nor… ,” and “not onl y… but
al so… .”
Ex a mple 2. 39 Pai r ed Conjuncti ons, N ot Paral l el
The m echani cal r esponse of hear t m uscl es depends
on both the absol ute osm ol al i ncr ease
and on the speci es studi ed.
Rev i si on
The m echani cal r esponse of hear t m uscl es depends
both on the absol ute osm ol al i ncr ease
and on the speci es studi ed.
For paral l el f or m , the gr oup of w or ds betw een “both” and “and” m ust be i n
ex actl y the sam e f or m as the gr oup of w or ds af ter “and.” In the r ev i si on, both
gr oups of w or ds ar e pr eposi ti onal phrases (“on the absol ute osm ol al i ncr ease,”
“on the speci es studi ed”).
P. 45
Another way to check that the sentence i s i n paral l el f or m w hen pai r ed
conjuncti ons ar e used i s to l ook just at the r el ati ve posi ti ons of the
conjuncti ons and the pr eposi ti ons. If the f i r st conjuncti on (her e “both”) com es
af ter the pr eposi ti on (“on”) and the second conjuncti on (her e “and”) com es
bef or e the pr eposi ti on (“on”), that i s,
on both x
and on y, som ethi ng i s w r ong.

Ei ther both conjuncti ons
m ust com e bef or e both
pr eposi ti ons:
both on x and on y or the pr eposi ti on

m ust com e onl y
bef or e the f i r st
conjuncti on:
on both x
and y.
An Extra Advantage of Parallelism: Omitting

Repetition
In addi ti on to bei ng cl ear, an ex tra advantage of paral l el i sm i s that i t al l ow s
you to avoi d r epeti ti on.
Ex a mple The young subjects coul d r eadi l y accom m odate bl ood

2. 40 vol um e changes i n other com par tm ents, but the m i ddl e
aged subjects coul d not r eadi l y accom m odate bl ood
vol um e changes i n other com par tm ents.
Re vis ion The young subjects coul d r eadi l y accom m odate bl ood
vol um e changes i n other com par tm ents, but the m i ddl e
aged subjects coul d not.
Ex a mple Pul se rate de c re a s e d by 40 beats/m i n, sy stol i c bl ood

2. 41 pr essur e de c line d by 50 m m Hg, and car di ac output fe ll
by 18%.
In Ex am pl e 2. 41, the author s thought that r epeati ng “decr eased” w oul d be

bor i ng, so they used di f f er ent ver bs each ti m e. But thi s var i ati on of
“decr eased” detracts f r om the i tem s that actual l y ar e di f f er ent. To avoi d bor i ng
r epeti ti on w i thout succum bi ng to di stracti ng var i ati on, si m pl y om i t the second
and thi r d ver bs:
Re vis ion Pul se rate de c re a s e d by 40 beats/m i n, sy stol i c bl ood

pr essur e by 50 m m Hg, and car di ac output by 18%.
Om i tti ng these ver bs w or k s because the paral l el f or m cr eates the ex pectati on
of r epeti ti on and thus str ongl y i m pl i es the om i tted ver bs.
P. 46
EXERCISE 2.5: PARALLELISM IN SENTENCES

Cor r ect the f aul ty par al l el i sm i n the f ol l ow i ng sentences. (N um ber 3 i s
tr i ck y . )
Pairs
1. Ca rdia c output w a s le s s in the E. c oli group tha n the P s e udomona s
group.
Hi de Answ er
1. Car di ac output was l ess i n the E. col i gr oup than i n the
Pseudom onas gr oup.
2. Le ft ve ntric ula r func tion w a s impa ire d in the dogs tha t re c e ive d
e ndotox in a nd the c ontrol dogs .
Hi de Answ er
2. Lef t ventr i cul ar f uncti on was i m pai r ed i n the dogs that r ecei ved
endotox i n and i n the contr ol dogs.
3. P uls a tion of the c e lls or c e ll ma s s e s ma y be quic k a nd e rra tic or ma y

oc c ur a t fa irly re gula r a nd le is ure ly inte rva ls . (W ha t do you e x pe c t a fte r
“ quic k a nd e rra tic or” ? Ma k e your re vis ion a s s imple a s pos s ible . )
Hi de Answ er
3. Pul sati on of the cel l s or cel l m asses can be qui ck and er rati c or
sl ow and r egul ar.
4. W he re a s e pidura l a dminis tra tion of fe nta nyl a t a ra te of 20 mg/h

re duc e d the re quire me nt for pa tie ntc ontrolle d bupiva c a ine , this w a s not
the c a s e in pa tie nts re c e iving e ithe r intra ve nous fe nta nyl (20 mg/h) or no
fe nta nyl (pla c e bo).
Hi de Answ er
4. Wher eas epi dural adm i ni strati on of f entany l at a rate of 20 µg/h
r educed the r equi r em ent f or pati entcontr ol l ed bupi vacai ne,
i ntravenous adm i ni strati on of f entany l (20 µg/h) or pl acebo di d not.
COMMEN T: U si ng par al l el f or m f or these par al l el i deas al l ow s y ou to

av oi d r epeti ti on af ter “di d not. ”
Series
5. The tube s w e re s pun on a Vorte x mix e r for 10 s , s tore d a t 4° C for 2 h,
a nd the n the y w e re c e ntrifuge d a t 500 × g for 10 min.
Hi de Answ er
5. The tubes w er e spun on a Vor tex m i xer f or 10 s, stor ed at 4°C f or
2 h, and then centr i f uged at 500 × g f or 10 m i n.
COMMEN T: It i s OK to om i t “then” as w el l as “they w er e” bef or e

“centr i f uged, ” but i t i s not necessar y .
6. Tra c he a l ga nglion c e lls ha ve be e n c la s s ifie d on the ba s is of the ir
s ponta ne ous dis c ha rge (12), a c c ording to the ir e le c tric a l prope rtie s (5),
a nd w he the r va s oa c tive inte s tina l pe ptide is pre s e nt or a bs e nt (8).
Hi de Answ er
6. Tracheal gangl i on cel l s have been cl assi f i ed on the basi s of thei r
spontaneous di schar ge (12), thei r el ectr i cal pr oper ti es (5), and the
pr esence or absence of vasoacti ve i ntesti nal pepti de (8).
COMMEN T: “or absence” m ay be om i tted.
Tracheal gangl i on cel l s have been cl assi f i ed on the basi s of thr ee

pr oper ti es: spontaneous di schar ge (12), el ectr i cal character i sti cs (5),
and vaso acti ve i ntesti nal pepti de content (8).
Hybrids
7. P he nyle phrine inc re a s e d the ra te of muc us s e c re tion, the output of non
dia lyza ble 35 S a nd c a us e d a ne t tra ns e pithe lia l move me nt of Na tow a rds
the muc os a .
Hi de Answ er
7. Pheny l ephr i ne i ncr eased the rate of m ucus secr eti on and the
output of nondi al y zabl e 3 5 S; i t al so caused a net transepi thel i al
m ovem ent of N a towar ds the m ucosa.
Pheny l ephr i ne i ncr eased the rate of m ucus secr eti on, i ncr eased the
output of nondi al y zabl e 3 5 S, and caused a net transepi thel i al
m ovem ent of N a towar ds the m ucosa.
8. The fra c tions w e re c e ntrifuge d, re s us pe nde d in a s ma ll volume of buffe r,

a nd a s a mple of c e lls w a s c ounte d in a n e le c tronic c e ll c ounte r.
Hi de Answ er
8. The f racti ons w er e centr i f uged, the pel l ets w er e r esuspended i n a
sm al l vol um e of buf f er, and a sam pl e of cel l s was counted i n an
el ectr oni c cel l counter.
Paired Conjunctions
In y our r ev i si on, do not om i t the pai r ed conjuncti ons, under l i ned.
9. Eve n the highe s t dos e of a tropine ha d no e ffe c t on e ithe r ba s e line puls e

ra te or on the va ga lly s timula te d puls e ra te .
Hi de Answ er
9. Even the hi ghest dose of atr opi ne had no ef f ect ei ther on basel i ne
pul se rate or on the vagal l y sti m ul ated pul se rate.
Even the hi ghest dose of atr opi ne had no ef f ect on pul se rate ei ther
dur i ng basel i ne or dur i ng vagal sti m ul ati on.
COMMEN T: The second r ev i si on av oi ds r epeti ti on of “pul se r ate. ”
10. An impuls e from the va gus ne rve to the mus c le ha s to tra ve l both
through ga nglia a nd pos tga nglionic pa thw a ys .
Hi de Answ er
10. An i m pul se f r om the vagus ner ve to the m uscl e has to travel both
thr ough gangl i a and and thr ough postgangl i oni c pathway s.
COMMEN T: “Thr ough both gangl i a and postgangl i oni c pathw ay s” i s

theor eti cal l y OK but undesi r abl e her e because “thr ough both gangl i a”
coul d i m pl y tw o gangl i a.
11. The inte rna l pre s s ure mus t not only de pe nd on volume but a ls o the
ra te of filling.
Hi de Answ er
11. The i nter nal pr essur e m ust depend not onl y on vol um e but al so
on the rate of f i l l i ng.
P. 47
EXERCISE 2.6: PARALLELISM IN COMPARISONS

Rev i se sentences 1 and 2 so that they use “than” i nstead of “com par ed to. ”
1. The gre a te r s ta bility in this s tudy c ompa re d to the pre vious s tudy
re s ulte d from more a c c ura te ma rk e r digitiza tion.
Hi de Answ er
1. The gr eater stabi l i ty i n thi s study than i n the pr ev i ous study
r esul ted f r om m or e accurate m ar ker di gi ti zati on.
2. Tota l mic ros phe re los s e s w e re gre a te r a t 34, 64, a nd 124 min w he n
c ompa re d to 4 min.
Hi de Answ er
2. Total m i cr ospher e l osses w er e gr eater at 34, 64, and 124 m i n than
at4 m i n.
Total m i cr ospher e l osses at 34, 64, and 124 m i n w er e gr eater than

those at 4 m i n.
Rev i se sentence 3 to avoi d am bi gui ty.
3. W e fre que ntly obs e rve d a de c re a s e in me a n c orona ry a rte ria l pre s s ure
c ompa re d to me a n a ortic pre s s ure a fte r c a rboc hrome n inje c tion.
Hi de Answ er
3. We f r equentl y obser ved that m ean cor onar y ar ter i al pr essur e was
l ow er than m ean aor ti c pr essur e af ter car bochr om en i njecti on.
(m ay be nei ther decr eased)
We f r equentl y obser ved a decr ease i n m ean cor onar y ar ter i al

pr essur ebut not i n m ean aor ti c pr essur e af ter car bochr om en
i njecti on. (one decr eased)
We f r equentl y obser ved a gr eater decr ease i n m ean cor onar y ar ter i al
pr essur e than i n m ean aor ti c pr essur e af ter car bochr om en i njecti on.
(both decr eased)
Rev i se sentences 4–6 so that they com par e com par abl e thi ngs. (Rul e: Add
“that” or “those” or r epeat the noun w hen the com par ati v e ter m i s al l together
i n one spot, but not w hen the com par ati v e ter m i s spl i t. )
4. The los s of a polipoprote in AI from highde ns ity lipoprote ins during
ultra c e ntrifuga tiona l is ola tion w a s gre a te r tha n during othe r is ola tion
me thods .
Hi de Answ er
4. The l oss of apol i popr otei n AI f r om hi ghdensi ty l i popr otei ns
dur i ng ul tracentr i f ugati onal i sol ati on w a s gre a te r tha n the l osses
dur i ng other i sol ati on m ethods.
5. Los s e s of a polipoprote in AI during othe r is ola tion me thods w e re

s ma lle r in c ompa ris on to ultra c e ntrifuga tion.
Hi de Answ er
5. Losses of apol i popr otei n AI dur i ng other i sol ati on m ethods w e re
s ma lle r tha n l osses dur i ng ul tracentr i f ugati on.
6. Lik e s ubfra gme nt 1, the prote in c ompos ition of he a vy me romyos in w a s

homoge ne ous .
Hi de Answ er
6. The pr otei n com posi ti on of heav y m er omyosi n, lik e that of
subf ragm ent 1, was hom ogeneous.
Lik e the pr otei n com posi ti on of subf ragm ent 1, the pr otei n
com posi ti on of heav y m er omyosi n was hom ogeneous.
P. 48
AVOID WRITING FLAWS

In addi ti on to the f i ve w r i ti ng techni ques ex pl ai ned above, ther e ar e f i ve
w r i ti ng f l aw s to avoi d. These f l aw s ar e (1) the subject and ver b do not m ake
sense together, (2) the subject and ver b do not agr ee, (3) hel pi ng ver bs ar e
om i tted, (4) m odi f i er s ar e dangl ed, and (5) sentences contai ni ng i nf or m ati on i n
par entheses do not m ake sense. When one of these f l aw s appear s, the r eader i s
sl ow ed dow n and m ay even need to r er ead the sentence to f i gur e out the
i ntended m eani ng.
Be Sure That the Subject and Verb Make Sense

Together
Ex a mple The appearance of nondi al y zabl e 35S i n the l um i nal bath

2. 42 w a s me a s ure d.
Can appearance be m easur ed?
Re vis ion The am ount (OR concentrati on, rate of appearance, rate
A of secr eti on) of nondi al y zabl e 35S i n the l um i nal bath
w a s me a s ure d.
Re vis ion The appearance of nondi al y zabl e 35S i n the l um i nal bath
B w a s note d.
Be Sure That the Subject and Verb Agree
(See Str unk and Whi te, 1. 9. )
Ex a mple The esophagus, stom ach, and duodenum of each rabbi t

2. 43 w a s ex am i ned.
Al though “rabbi t was” sounds r i ght, the subject of the sentence i s

actual l y pl ural —“esophagus, stom ach, and duodenum ”—so the ver b
m ust be pl ural .
Re vis ion The esophagus, stom ach, and duodenum of each rabbi t
w e re ex am i ned.
Do Not Omit Helping Verbs
Ex a mple 2. 44 The ti ssue w a s minc e d and the sam pl es inc uba te d.
“Ti ssue” i s si ngul ar, so “was m i nced” i s the cor r ect ver b. But “sam pl es” i s
pl ural , so car r y i ng over the “was” i s not gram m ati cal l y cor r ect.
Re vis ion The ti ssue w a s minc e d and the sam pl es w e re

inc uba te d.
Ex a mple Contrast m edi um w a s infus e d at a steady rate i nto the

2. 45 i njecti on por t, and the f l ow c a lc ula te d f r om the obser ved
change i n CT num ber at equi l i br i um .
“Fl ow,” l i ke “contrast m edi um ,” i s si ngul ar, so car r y i ng over the si ngul ar hel pi ng
ver b “was” i s gram m ati cal l y cor r ect. How ever, the second par t of the sentence
coul d be m i sr ead, because “cal cul ated” coul d seem l i ke an adjecti ve (“f l ow that
was cal cul ated”), and the r eader coul d get to the end of the
P. 49
sentence and sti l l be wai ti ng f or the ver b. To pr event m i sr eadi ng, i t i s cl ear est
to r epeat the hel pi ng ver b.
Re vis ion Contrast m edi um w a s infus e d at a steady rate i nto the

i njecti on por t, and the f l ow w a s c a lc ula te d f r om the
obser ved change i n CT num ber at equi l i br i um .
Avoid Dangling Modifiers

(See Str unk and Whi te, l . 11. )
Ex a mple Bl ood f l ow was al l ow ed to r etur n to basel i ne bef or e

2. 46 pr oceedi ng w i th the nex t occl usi on.
In thi s sentence, bl ood f l ow seem s to be pr oceedi ng w i th the nex t occl usi on.
The r eason i s that the f i r st par t of the sentence i s passi ve, w her eas the second
par t i s acti ve. Thus, “pr oceedi ng” dangl es; that i s, i t has no noun to m odi f y.
The sol uti ons ar e ei ther to m ake both par ts of the sentence acti ve or to m ake
both par ts passi ve. In the acti ve sentence, “pr oceedi ng” m odi f i es “w e.” In the
passi ve sentence, “pr oceedi ng” i s changed to “was begun.”
Re vis ion We a llow e d bl ood f l ow to r etur n to basel i ne bef or e
A proc e e d (Acti ve) ing w i th the nex t occl usi on.
Re vis ion Bl ood f l ow w a s a llow e d to r etur n to basel i ne bef or e the

B (Passi ve) nex t occl usi on w a s be gun.
Ex a mple In changi ng f r om a standi ng to a r ecum bent posi ti on, the

2. 47 hear t ex pands noti ceabl y i n al l di r ecti ons.
In thi s sentence, “changi ng” dangl es because i t m odi f i es an

i nappr opr i ate noun. Thus, the hear t appear s to be changi ng f r om a
standi ng to a r ecum bent posi ti on. For cl ar i ty, put the ex per i m ental
subject or the ex per i m ental ani m al i nto the sentence.
Re vis ion When the subject changes f r om a standi ng to a r ecum bent

posi ti on, the hear t ex pands noti ceabl y i n al l di r ecti ons.
Be Sure That Sentences Containing Information in

Parentheses Make Sense
Ex a mple Pentobar bi tal (10 6 M) had no ef f ect, 10 5

2. 48 M sl i ghtl y depr essed the r esponse, and 5
× 10 5 M al m ost abol i shed the r esponse.
If the r eader sk i pped over the i nf or m ati on i n

par entheses, w hi ch i s a l egi ti m ate r eadi ng techni que,
the sentence w oul d not m ake sense. The poi nt i s that a
cer tai n concentr ati on of pentobar bi tal di d not have an
ef f ect, not that pentobar bi tal di d not have an ef f ect.
Re vis ion At 10 6 M pentobar bi tal had no ef f ect, at N ote the

use of
10 5 M i t sl i ghtl y depr essed the r esponse,
paral l el
and at 5 × 10 5 M i t al m ost abol i shed the
f or m f or
r esponse.
the ser i es
of thr ee
i tem s i n
the
r ev i si on.
P. 50
SUMMARY OF GUIDELINES FOR WRITING SIMPLE,

DIRECT SENTENCES
Ex pr ess the cor e of the m essage i n the subject, ver b, and com pl eter.
Make the topi c the subject of the sentence.
Put the acti on i n the ver b.
Avoi d noun cl uster s.
Wr i te shor t sentences.
Do not str i ng i deas together.
Tal k about one thi ng at a ti m e.
Ai m f or a m ean sentence l ength of no m or e than 22 w or ds per sentence.
U se cl ear pr onouns.
For a pr onoun that has too m any possi bl e nouns to r ef er to, ei ther r estate
the noun i nstead of usi ng a pr onoun or change the sentence str uctur e.
For a pr onoun (usual l y “thi s”) that has no noun to add r ef er to, add the
sm al l est categor y ter m af ter the pr onoun.
Put paral l el i deas i n paral l el f or m .
U se paral l el f or m f or i deas joi ned by “and,” “or,” or “but” and f or

com par i sons.
U se “than” f or com par i sons, not “com par ed to.”
Do not com par e appl es and oranges.
When the com parati ve ter m i s al l together i n one spot, add “that” or
“those.”
When the com parati ve ter m i s spl i t, do not add “that” or “those.”
Do not w r i te absol ute statem ents as com par i sons.
Do not conf use pai r s and ser i es.
U se paral l el f or m w i th pai r ed conjuncti ons.
U se paral l el f or m to avoi d r epeti ti on.
Avoi d w r i ti ng f l aw s.
Be sur e that the subject and ver b m ake sense together.
Be sur e that the subject and ver b agr ee.
Do not om i t hel pi ng ver bs.
Avoi d dangl i ng m odi f i er s.
Be sur e that sentences contai ni ng i nf or m ati on i n par entheses m ake sense.

Back
Chapter 3
Paragraph Structure
Even i f a paper has per f ect w or d choi ce and per f ect sentence str uctur e, i t can
be di f f i cul t to under stand i f the paragraphs ar e not cl ear l y constr ucted. Each
paragraph m ust be constr ucted to tel l a stor y. Reader s shoul d be abl e to
r ecogni ze the m essage and f ol l ow the stor y of each paragraph w hether or not
they under stand the sci ence.
For a paragraph to tel l a cl ear stor y,
The i deas i n the paragraph m ust be or gani zed.
The conti nui ty, that i s, the r el ati onshi p betw een i deas, m ust be cl ear.
Im por tant i deas m ust be em phasi zed.
ORGANIZATION
Topic Sentences and Supporting Sentences

General Approach: Overview First, Then Details
A paragraph i s a num ber of sentences on a si ngl e topi c. The goal s of a
paragraph ar e to get a m essage acr oss and to m ake the stor y behi nd the
m essage cl ear. These goal s can be accom pl i shed i n var i ous way s, but the
general appr oach that i s cl ear est f or m ost r eader s m ost of the ti m e i s to
pr ov i de an over v i ew f i r st and then to gi ve detai l s. The strategy behi nd thi s
appr oach i s to cr eate an ex pectati on and then f ul f i l l i t.
The r ever se strategy i s f r equentl y used i n sci enti f i c paper s: her e ar e som e
detai l s; her e i s w hat they m ean. In the hands of a m aster stor y tel l er, thi s
strategy w or k s ver y w el l . How ever, i n l ess ex per t hands, the detai l s tend to
take over. The tr ees over shadow the f or est. The way to avoi d thi s pr obl em i s to
use a si m pl e, strai ghtf or war d appr oach: over v i ew f i r st, then detai l s.
The cl assi c way to gi ve an over v i ew f i r st i n a paragraph i s to w r i te a topi c

sentence. A topi c sentence i s a sentence that states the topi c or the m essage of
the paragraph. The topi c i s w hat the paragraph i s about. The m essage i s the
poi nt the paragraph i s m ak i ng. To i denti f y the topi c, use a key ter m . To state a
m essage, use a ver b, al ong w i th a subject and (usual l y ) a com pl eter.
It i s cl ear est to have onl y one m essage per paragraph. Incl udi ng m or e than one
m essage i n a paragraph m akes the paragraph com pl ex and m or e di f f i cul t to
under stand.
P. 52
Detai l s that suppor t the topi c sentence ar e w r i tten i n the r em ai ni ng sentences
of the paragraph—the suppor ti ng sentences. The suppor ti ng sentences shoul d be
or gani zed i n a l ogi cal way that ex pl ai ns the m essage of the paragraph.
Ex am pl es 3. 1–3. 3 bel ow al l begi n w i th a topi c sentence. Each topi c sentence
nam es a topi c and states a m essage that m akes one (and onl y one) cl ear poi nt.
In addi ti on, the suppor ti ng sentences ar e or gani zed l ogi cal l y to ex pl ai n the
m essage stated i n the topi c sentence, thus f ul f i l l i ng the ex pectati on that the
topi c sentence cr eates.
Example 3.1
ATher e ar e thr ee di f f er ent theor i es put f or war d f or the ver y sl ow r el ax ati on of
catch m uscl es of m ol l uscs. BOne theor y hol ds that catch i s due to som e unusual
pr oper ty of myosi n i n these m uscl es that pr oduces a sl ow rate of detachm ent
(12). CIn thi s theor y, paramyosi n w oul d have no speci al r ol e beyond that of
pr ov i di ng the l ong scaf f ol di ng on w hi ch the myosi n i s posi ti oned as w el l as the
m echani cal str ength f or the l ar ge tensi ons devel oped. DThe second theor y hol ds
that tensi on i s devel oped by acti nmyosi n i nteracti on but i s m ai ntai ned by
paramyosi n i nteracti ons (13, 14). EBecause the thi ck f i l am ents ar e of l i m i ted
l ength, i nteracti on w oul d have to occur thr ough f usi on of thi ck f i l am ents (15).
FA thi r d theor y, to w hi ch I subscr i be, pi ctur es a str uctural change i n the
paramyosi n cor e af f ecti ng the rate of br eak i ng of myosi nacti n l i nk s at the
f i l am ent sur f ace (5, 16).
Ex am pl e 3. 1, w hi ch i s f r om an Intr oducti on to a jour nal ar ti cl e, has a topi c

sentence and l ogi cal l y or gani zed suppor ti ng sentences. The topi c of the
paragraph i s the thr ee theor i es. The m essage stated i n the topi c sentence i s
that thr ee theor i es ex i st.
To suppor t thi s topi c sentence, the suppor ti ng sentences ar e or gani zed i n a

si m pl e patter n—a l i st. In thi s l i st, one or tw o suppor ti ng sentences br i ef l y
descr i be each theor y. Thi s l i st of br i ef descr i pti ons f ul f i l l s the ex pectati on
cr eated by the topi c “thr ee di f f er ent theor i es” i n the topi c sentence.
The or der f or thi s l i st i s not random , but pr oceeds f r om l east to m ost

i m por tant. That i s, the patter n of or gani zati on i s l i sti ng detai l s f r om l east to
m ost i m por tant. Thus, the author f i r st descr i bes the tw o theor i es she r ejects
and then descr i bes the theor y she accepts, w hi ch, f or the pur poses of her
paper, i s m ost i m por tant. The r easons f or her r ejecti on ar e i m pl i ed i n the ex tra
sentence about each of the f i r st tw o theor i es (sentences C and E). The r est of
the paper goes on to ex pl ai n the thi r d theor y at gr eater l ength.
The r ever se or gani zati on—f r om m ost to l east i m por tant—i s another com m on
patter n of or gani zati on f or suppor ti ng sentences.
Example 3.2
ATo assess the di str i buti on, si ze, and shape of gangl i on cel l bodi es i n the
tracheal neural pl ex us, w e ex am i ned i ndi v i dual cel l bodi es i n thei r enti r ety at
100–400 × w i th a com pound l i ght m i cr oscope. B 1 For the assessm ent of
di str i buti on, f i r st each gangl i on cel l body that was stai ned by the
acety l chol i nesterase r eacti on pr oduct or that was bor der ed by
acety l chol i nesteraseposi ti ve gangl i on cel l bodi es was cl assi f i ed accor di ng to i ts
l ocati on i n the tracheal neural pl ex us; B 2 then the num ber of cel l bodi es i n each
gangl i on was counted. CFor the assessm ent of the si ze and shape of each
gangl i on cel l body, the m ajor (a) and m i nor (b) ax i s of the cel l body w er e
m easur ed w i th a cal i brated r eti cl e i n the eyepi ece of the m i cr oscope, and,
based on these di m ensi ons, the m ean cal i per
P. 53
di am eter, the vol um e (πab 2 /6), and the aspect rati o (a/b) w er e cal cul ated.
DMean cal i per di am eter was cal cul ated by the f or m ul a f or a pr ol ate el l i psoi d of
r otati on as descr i bed by El i as and Hyde (1983).
In Ex am pl e 3. 2, w hi ch i s f r om the Methods secti on of a jour nal ar ti cl e, the topi c

of the paragraph i s assessm ent of the di str i buti on, si ze, and shape of gangl i on
cel l bodi es i n the tracheal neural pl ex us. The m essage of the paragraph, stated
i n the topi c sentence, i s that these thr ee var i abl es w er e assessed by ex am i ni ng
the cel l bodi es i n thei r enti r ety at 100–400× w i th a com pound l i ght m i cr oscope.
In thi s topi c sentence, the topi c i s i denti f i ed by a transi ti on phrase bef or e the
subject (“To assess…”). The m essage i s stated i n the transi ti on phrase and the
subject, ver b, and com pl eter (“w e ex am i ned…”).
To suppor t thi s topi c sentence, the suppor ti ng sentences ar e agai n or gani zed i n
a l i st. The or der of thi s l i st i s the sam e as the or der of the var i abl es nam ed i n
the topi c sentence. That i s, the patter n of or gani zati on i s l i sti ng detai l s i n the
announced or der .
The topi c sentence i n Ex am pl e 3. 2 i l l ustrates another f uncti on that a topi c

sentence can have: i ndi cati ng the or gani zati on of the suppor ti ng sentences. Thi s
f uncti on of topi c sentences i s used onl y as needed. When i t i s used, i t cr eates a
second ex pectati on i n the r eader 's m i nd. The f i r st ex pectati on, as al way s, i s
that the paragraph w i l l descr i be the topi c nam ed i n the topi c sentence (i n thi s
case, how these thr ee var i abl es w er e assessed). The second ex pectati on i s
about how the paragraph w i l l be or gani zed, speci f i cal l y, that the paragraph w i l l
descr i be the detai l s i n the or der nam ed i n the topi c sentence. The suppor ti ng
sentences f ul f i l l these tw o ex pectati ons: they ex pl ai n the topi c, and they f ol l ow
the or der i ndi cated by the l i st of var i abl es i n the topi c sentence.
Example 3.3
APul m onar y ner ve endi ngs w er e r el ati vel y i nsensi ti ve to pheny l di guani de
(tabl e 1, f i g. 3B). BOf 25 pul m onar y ner ve endi ngs tested, onl y 10 w er e
sti m ul ated w hen thi s dr ug was i njected i nto the r i ght atr i um , and i n onl y one of
these di d f i r i ng exceed 2. 2 i m pul ses/s. CIf the l atter endi ng i s excl uded, the
average peak f r equency of the endi ngs sti m ul ated was onl y 1. 7 i m pul ses/s.
DThe excepti on, w hi ch f i r ed w i th an average f r equency of 17. 4 i m pul ses/s at
the peak of the r esponse, was encounter ed i n the onl y dog i n w hi ch r i ght atr i al
i njecti on of pheny l di guani de evoked r ef l ex bradycar di a w i thi n the pul m onar y
ci r cul ati on ti m e (l atency 2. 2 s). EMor eover, i n thi s dog ar ter i al pr essur e f el l ,
w her eas i n al l other dogs i t r ose, but onl y af ter suf f i ci ent ti m e had el apsed f or
the dr ug to r each the sy stem i c ci r cul ati on.
In Ex am pl e 3. 3, w hi ch i s f r om the Resul ts secti on of a jour nal ar ti cl e, the topi c

of the paragraph i s pul m onar y ner ve endi ngs (the subject of the topi c
sentence). The m essage stated i n the topi c sentence i s that pul m onar y ner ve
endi ngs w er e r el ati vel y i nsensi ti ve to a dr ug (stated i n the ver b and
com pl eter ).
If the w or d “r el ati vel y ” w er e om i tted, no suppor ti ng sentences w oul d be

needed. The r eader coul d l ook at the tabl e and f i gur e and see the data show i ng
that the ner ve endi ngs w er e i nsensi ti ve. Thus, the ex pectati on cr eated by the
topi c sentence i s to hear w hat i t m eans f or the pul m onar y ner ve endi ngs to be
r el ati vel y i nsensi ti ve. The f i r st tw o suppor ti ng sentences f ul f i l l thi s ex pectati on
by stati ng that < 50% of the ner ve endi ngs w er e sti m ul ated at al l , and m ost of
these r esponded w eak l y.
P. 54
Why, then, does the paragraph conti nue? The r eason i s that som e data do not
suppor t the m essage “r el ati vel y i nsensi ti ve,” and these data cannot be i gnor ed.
Thus, the suppor ti ng sentences ar e or gani zed accor di ng to the ty pe of ev i dence:
f i r st, ev i dence that suppor ts i nsensi ti v i ty ; second, contradi ctor y ev i dence,
w hi ch does not suppor t i nsensi ti v i ty.
The contradi ctor y ev i dence i s not m er el y stated, l eav i ng the r eader to deci de
w hether the suppor ti ng or the contradi ctor y ev i dence i s str onger and thus
w hether the pul m onar y ner ve endi ngs ar e i ndeed r el ati vel y i nsensi ti ve. Instead,
the author ar gues agai nst the contradi ctor y ev i dence by poi nti ng out that the
dog was aty pi cal . Thi s ar gum ent agai nst the contradi ctor y ev i dence m akes i t
cl ear that the suppor ti ng ev i dence outw ei ghs the contradi ctor y ev i dence and
thus that the pul m onar y ner ve endi ngs ar e i ndeed r el ati vel y i nsensi ti ve.
The patter n of or gani zati on of thi s paragraph i s k now n as pr ocon. A pr ocon

paragraph pr esents ev i dence that suppor ts, or i s f or, the m essage stated i n the
topi c sentence (pr o) and ev i dence that contradi cts, or i s agai nst, the m essage
(con). In a pr ocon paragraph, the suppor ti ng ev i dence coul d com e ei ther f i r st
or l ast. Ther e i s no si ngl e “cor r ect” or gani zati on f or thi s ty pe of paragraph. The
or gani zati on depends on the poi nt you ar e m ak i ng and the qual i ty of the
ev i dence you have. (For another ex am pl e, see Chap. 7, Di scussi on, Ex am pl e
7. 5. )
Rel ated patter ns of or gani zati on ar e paragraphs that ar e al l pr o or al l con.

Whi ch patter n of or gani zati on you use—pr ocon, al l pr o, or al l con—depends on
the poi nt you ar e m ak i ng and the qual i ty of the ev i dence you have.
Ex am pl e 3. 4 i s a “pr o” paragraph. How ever, i ts str uctur e and stor y ar e not

qui te as si m pl e as those i n Ex am pl es 3. 1–3. 3.
Example 3.4
ALi ke Kar oum et al . (21), w e esti m ated the hal fl i f e of gangl i oni c dopam i ne to
be consi derabl y l ess than 1 h, w hi ch i ndi cates a ver y rapi d rate of tur nover.
BAl though m easur es of total dopam i ne tur nover cannot di sti ngui sh betw een the
rates of tur nover associ ated w i th SIF cel l s and pr i nci pal neur ons, f r om our
r esul ts w e suspect that thi s rapi d rate of tur nover i s accounted f or pr i m ar i l y by
pr ecur sor dopam i ne i n pr i nci pal neur ons. CWe based thi s suspi ci on on our
f i ndi ng that w i thi n 1 h af ter i njecti on of the sy nthesi s i nhi bi tor αMT, and 40
m i n af ter i njecti on of the sy nthesi s i nhi bi tor N SD1015, the gangl i oni c
dopam i ne content had dr opped by about 60%, l eav i ng som e 7 pm ol of dopam i ne
that was r esi stant to f ur ther si gni f i cant depl eti on f or at l east 3 h. DTo i nter pr et
these data, w e used Kosl ow 's f i ndi ng that appr ox i m atel y 40% of the dopam i ne
i n the rat super i or cer v i cal gangl i on i s stor ed i n SIF cel l s (26). EAppl y i ng thi s
f i gur e to our m easur e of gangl i oni c dopam i ne (18 pm ol /gangl i on) w oul d m ean
that about 7 pm ol of dopam i ne i s contai ned i n SIF cel l s. FTher ef or e, w e
specul ate that the 7 pm ol of dopam i ne r em ai ni ng 1 h af ter sy nthesi s was
i nhi bi ted r epr esents SIF cel l dopam i ne that i s sl ow l y tur ni ng over, w her eas the
60% that i s rapi dl y depl eted r epr esents pr ecur sor dopam i ne i n pr i nci pal
neur ons that i s rapi dl y tur ni ng over. GThi s noti on i s consi stent w i th r epor ts
w hi ch have show n that SIF cel l catechol am i nes have a ver y sl ow tur nover i n the
rat super i or cer v i cal gangl i on (32, 41).
Ex am pl e 3. 4 begi ns w i th tw o topi c sentences. The f i r st topi c sentence (sentence

A) states the topi c—a ver y rapi d rate of tur nover of gangl i oni c dopam i ne. The
second topi c sentence (sentence B) states the m essage—that the r eason f or thi s
rapi d rate of tur nover m ay be the rapi d tur nover of pr ecur sor dopam i ne i n
pr i nci pal neur ons. The suppor ti ng sentences f or topi c sentence B, sentences
P. 55
C–E (the “pr o”), ex pl ai n w hy the author s bel i eve thei r r eason i s accurate. These
thr ee “pr o” sentences have thei r ow n str uctur e (see notes on str uctur e to the
l ef t of Ex am pl e 3. 4). Sentence F i s another topi c sentence, w hi ch r estates the
m essage stated i n sentence B, but m or e quanti tati vel y and com pl etel y. The l ast
sentence of the paragraph suppor ts the par t of the m essage i n F that i s not
stated i n B by m ak i ng a com par i son w i th pr ev i ous f i ndi ngs. Thus, thi s “pr o”
paragraph has thr ee topi c sentences (A, B, and F) and tw o sets of suppor ti ng
sentences (C–E, and G).
Whether a paragraph i s si m pl e or com pl ex , tw o cr uci al poi nts f or cl ar i ty ar e

that the topi c sentence gi ves an over v i ew by stati ng the topi c or the m essage
of the paragraph, and that the suppor ti ng sentences ar e l ogi cal l y or gani zed i n a
way that best ex pl ai ns the topi c or the m essage.
Other com m on patter ns of or gani zati on ar e f unnel (used i n the i ntr oducti on
secti on), chr onol ogi cal or der (used ex tensi vel y i n m ethods and r esul ts),
pr obl em sol uti on, and sol uti onpr obl em (used i n m ethods paper s).
Some Common Patterns of Organization for

Paragraphs
Least to m ost i m por tant

Most to l east i m por tant
Announced or der
Pr ocon
Pr o
Con
Funnel
Chr onol ogi cal or der
Pr obl em sol uti on
Sol uti onpr obl em
Length of Topic Sentences

A topi c sentence i s cl ear est and m ost pow er f ul i f i t i s shor t and si m pl e.
Com par e the topi c sentences i n Ex am pl es 3. 1–3. 4. The tw o shor t, si m pl e topi c
sentences (sentence A i n Ex am pl es 3. 1 and 3. 3) ar e cl ear er and m or e pow er f ul
than the tw o l onger, m or e com pl ex topi c sentences (sentence A i n Ex am pl es 3. 2
and 3. 4).
Number and Placement of Topic Sentences

As i l l ustrated i n Ex am pl e 3. 4, a paragraph can have m or e than one topi c
sentence. In thi s case, var i ous pl acem ents ar e possi bl e. For ex am pl e, i f a
paragraph has tw o topi c sentences, both coul d appear at the begi nni ng of a
paragraph, the f i r st one stati ng the topi c and the nex t one stati ng the m essage.
Or the topi c sentences coul d be spl i t up—one at the begi nni ng of the paragraph
and the other at the end. The topi c sentence at the begi nni ng coul d state the
topi c and the topi c sentence at the end coul d state the m essage. Or both topi c
sentences coul d state the m essage. Repeati ng the m essage at the end of the
paragraph can be an ef f ecti ve way of r ei nf or ci ng the m essage i n a l ong
paragraph, or, as i n Ex am pl e 3. 4, of r ef i ni ng the m essage based on the
ex pl anati on i n the suppor ti ng sentences. If a paragraph has thr ee or m or e topi c
sentences, f ur ther com bi nati ons ar e possi bl e, i ncl udi ng a topi c sentence i n the
m i ddl e to gi ve an over v i ew of a subtopi c.
P. 56
EXERCISE 3.1: TOPIC SENTENCES AND

SUPPORTING SENTENCES
This pa ra gra ph, w hic h is from a me thods s e c tion, is a bout how c a ps a ic in
w a s inje c te d into guine a pigs . The me s s a ge of this pa ra gra ph, tha t
c a ps a ic in w a s give n in tw o dos e s , is not c le a r. To ma k e this me s s a ge
c le a r,
1. W rite a c le a re r topic s e nte nc e for this pa ra gra ph (s e nte nc e A). The

topic s e nte nc e s hould s ta te the me s s a ge of the pa ra gra ph (tha t c a ps a ic in
w a s give n in tw o dos e s ). In your topic s e nte nc e , ma k e the topic the
s ubje c t of the s e nte nc e .
2. Re orga nize the de ta ils in the s upporting s e nte nc e s (B–C, not D) to fulfill
the e x pe c ta tion c re a te d by your ne w topic s e nte nc e . (Do w e e x pe c t to
he a r a bout a ne s the s ia a fte r the topic s e nte nc e ?)
AG uine a pigs w e re inje c te d w ith a tota l dos e of 50 mg/k g c a ps a ic in give n

s ubc uta ne ous ly (7, 8). BAfte r be ing a ne s the tize d w ith pe ntoba rbita l (30
mg/k g i. p. ), guine a pigs w e re inje c te d w ith s a lbuta mol (0. 6 mg/k g s . c . ) to
c ounte ra c t re s pira tory impa irme nt c a us e d by c a ps a ic in a nd 10 min la te r
w ith c a ps a ic in (20 mg/k g, 12. 5% s olution in e qua l pa rts of 95% e tha nol
a nd Tw e e n80, dilute d to 25 mg/ml w ith s a line ). CTw o hours la te r, the
guine a pigs w e re a ga in a ne s the tize d w ith pe ntoba rbita l (10–20 mg/k g
i. p. ) a nd inje c te d w ith s a lbuta mol, a fte r w hic h c a ps a ic in (30 mg/k g s . c . )
w a s a ga in inje c te d. DControl guine a pigs unde rw e nt the s a me proc e dure
w ith ve hic le s .
Hi de Answ er
Re vis ion 1
ACapsai ci n (50 m g/k g) was i njected i nto each gui nea pi g

subcutaneousl y i n tw o sequenti al doses. BThe f i r st dose was 20
m g/k g. CThe second dose, gi ven 2 h l ater, was 30 m g/k g. DBef or e
each dose of capsai ci n was gi ven, anesthesi a was i nduced by
i njecti on of pentobar bi tal (f i r st, 30 m g/k g i . p. ; second, 10–20 m g/k g
i . p. ). EIn addi ti on, to counteract r espi rator y i m pai r m ent caused by
capsai ci n, sal butam ol (0. 6 m g/k g s. c. ) was i njected i nto the gui nea
pi g N m i n af ter anesthesi a was i nduced and 10 m i n bef or e capsai ci n
was i njected. FContr ol gui nea pi gs under w ent the sam e pr ocedur es
w i th vehi cl es.
(100 w or ds; m ean: 17 w or ds/sentence)
The topi c sentence i s about the tw o doses. The m essage (tw o

doses) i s i n the com pl eter , at the end of the sentence.
The topi c i s the subject; the acti on i s i n the v er b.

Suppor ti ng detai l s ar e or gani zed m ost to l east i m por tant.
A tr ansi ti on i s added at the begi nni ng of sentence D to back tr ack

to the ear l i er steps.
Detai l s of the sol uti on ar e m ov ed to the m ater i al s subsecti on.
Re vis ion 2
ATw o di f f er ent doses of capsai ci n w er e i njected i nto each gui nea pi g.

BThe f i r st dose, 20 m g/k g, was i njected N m i n af ter pentobar bi tal (30
m g/k g i . p. ) was i njected to i nduce anesthesi a and 10 m i n af ter
sal butam ol (0. 6 m g/k g) was i njected to counteract r espi rator y
i m pai r m ent caused by capsai ci n. CThe second dose of capsai ci n, 30
m g/k g, was i njected 2 h l ater, af ter addi ti onal adm i ni strati on of
pentobar bi tal (10–20 m g/k g i . p. ) and sal butam ol . DFor each dose,
capsai ci n was pr epar ed as a 12. 5% sol uti on i n equal par ts of 95%
ethanol and Tw een80, di l uted to 25 m g/m l w i th sal i ne. EContr ol
gui nea pi gs under w ent the sam e pr ocedur e except that vehi cl e was
substi tuted f or capsai ci n.

doses) i s i n the subject, at the begi nni ng of the sentence.
The m essage, not the topi c, i s the subject; the acti on i s i n the
v er b.
Suppor ti ng detai l s ar e or gani zed by dose.
Detai l s of the sol uti on (l east i m por tant) ar e i n a separ ate

sentence near the end of the par agr aph.
Re vis ion 3
ACapsai ci n was i njected subcutaneousl y i nto each gui nea pi g i n tw o

consecuti ve doses. BBef or e the f i r st dose, pentobar bi tal (30 m g/k g
i . p. ) was gi ven to anestheti ze the gui nea pi g, and then sal butam ol
(0. 6 m g/k g s. c. ) was gi ven to pr event apnea. CTen m i nutes l ater, 20
m g/k g capsai ci n was i njected. DBef or e the second dose, gi ven 2 h
l ater, the sam e pr otocol was f ol l ow ed except the gui nea pi g r ecei ved
a l ow er dose of pentobar bi tal (10–20 m g/k g) and a hi gher dose of
capsai ci n (30 m g/k g). EContr ol gui nea pi gs under w ent the sam e
pr ocedur e w i th vehi cl es.

doses) i s i n the com pl eter , at the end of the sentence.
Suppor ti ng detai l s ar e i n chr onol ogi cal or der , as i n the or i gi nal

par agr aph.
To k eep attenti on on the m ai n poi nt (the tw o doses of

capsai ci n), the w or d “dose” i s added i n a tr ansi ti on at the
begi nni ng of sentences B and D.
Repeti ti on i s av oi ded (D).
Shor t sentence C em phasi zes the i m por tant detai l (f i r st dose of

capsai ci n).
In sentence D, “a hi gher dose” em phasi zes the di f f er ence

betw een the doses of capsai ci n.
P. 57
No Missing Steps
Whether the paragraph has a si m pl e patter n of or gani zati on or a com pl ex one,
al l steps i n the l ogi c m ust be pr esented. If a step i s m i ssi ng, the r eader cannot
f ol l ow the stor y. In Ex am pl e 3. 5, a step i s m i ssi ng betw een sentences B and C,
so the stor y i s di f f i cul t to f ol l ow.
Example 3.5
AAs ex pected, ser um gl ucose decr eased to about 800 m g/dl by the si x th hour of
i nsul i n i nf usi on. BIt was el ected to stabi l i ze ser um gl ucose at thi s l evel to al l ow
f or osm oti c equi l i brati on. CAn esti m ate of net l oss of total body gl ucose was
m ade as f ol l ow s:…
Al though w e can under stand w hat sentence C say s, w e do not k now w hy w e ar e

hear i ng thi s sentence. Why ar e the author s suddenl y tal k i ng about net l oss of
total body gl ucose?
Revision
AAs ex pected, ser um gl ucose decr eased to about 800 m g/dl by the si x th hour of
i nsul i n i nf usi on. BTo al l ow f or osm oti c equi l i brati on, w e stabi l i zed ser um
gl ucose at thi s l evel by addi ng to the f l ui d i nf usi on an am ount of gl ucose
equi val ent to the net l oss of total body gl ucose. CWe esti m ated net l oss of total
body gl ucose as f ol l ow s:…
In thi s r ev i si on, the m i ssi ng step (under l i ned) that r el ates ser um gl ucose to
total body gl ucose has been pr ov i ded, thus m ak i ng the stor y easy to f ol l ow.
An om i tted step i n the stor y i s one of the gr eatest bl ock s f or the r eader to
over com e. Of ten steps ar e om i tted i nadver tentl y because the w r i ter i s ver y
f am i l i ar w i th the topi c and can suppl y the m i ssi ng step. Because w r i ter s, and
ver y k now l edgeabl e r eader s, have the sci enti f i c f ram ew or k i n thei r heads, they
can easi l y suppl y a m i ssi ng step. But r eader s w ho ar e l ess f am i l i ar w i th the
topi c do not have thi s f ram ew or k i n thei r heads and cannot suppl y m i ssi ng
steps i n the l ogi c. Thus, to m ake the stor y cl ear to al l r eader s, the w r i ter m ust
suppl y al l the steps i n the stor y. To i denti f y m i ssi ng steps i n your ow n w r i ti ng,
ei ther r ead the m anuscr i pt af ter a f ew w eek s, w hen you no l onger have the
m anuscr i pt m em or i zed, or have a col l eague f r om outsi de your f i el d r ead your
m anuscr i pt.
P. 58
CONTINUITY
Even i f a paragraph i s w el l or gani zed—that i s, has a topi c sentence and
l ogi cal l y or gani zed suppor ti ng sentences and i s not m i ssi ng any steps i n the
l ogi c, the stor y of the paragraph can be di f f i cul t to f ol l ow i f the paragraph does
not have conti nui ty. Conti nui ty i s the sm ooth f l ow of i deas f r om sentence to
sentence (and f r om paragraph to paragraph).
The essence of conti nui ty i s a cl ear r el ati onshi p betw een ever y sentence and
the sentence bef or e i t. To cr eate conti nui ty, speci al techni ques can be used. Si x
i m por tant techni ques f or cr eati ng conti nui ty ar e
1. Repeati ng key ter m s
2. U si ng transi ti ons to i ndi cate r el ati onshi ps betw een i deas
3. Keepi ng consi stent or der
4. Keepi ng a consi stent poi nt of v i ew
5. Putti ng paral l el i deas i n paral l el f or m
6. Si gnal i ng the subtopi cs of a paragraph
The f i r st tw o of these techni ques ar e the m ost f r equentl y used and thus ar e the
m ost i m por tant.
Repeating Key Terms

Key ter m s ar e ter m s that nam e i m por tant i deas i n a paper. Key ter m s can be
techni cal ter m s, such as “Gpr otei n” or “m i togenesi s,” or nontechni cal ter m s
such as “i ncr ease” or “f uncti on.” Repeati ng key ter m s f r om sentence to
sentence (and f r om paragraph to paragraph) i s the str ongest techni que f or
pr ov i di ng conti nui ty. For ex am pl e, i n the Rev i si on of Ex am pl e 3. 5, r epeti ti on of
the key ter m s “ser um gl ucose” and “net l oss of total body gl ucose” hol ds the
paragraph together. In Ex am pl e 3. 1, “theor i es,” w hi ch appear s i n ever y
sentence except E, i s the m ai n key ter m that hol ds the paragraph together.
Repeat Key Terms Exactly
For Clarity
The best adv i ce f or cl ear conti nui ty i s to r epeat key ter m s ex actl y. If a key
ter m i s not r epeated ex actl y and i nstead another ter m i s used, a m ental
m ani pul ati on i s needed to see the r el ati onshi p betw een the tw o ter m s. Reader s
f am i l i ar w i th the f i el d can usual l y see the r el ati onshi p; those l ess f am i l i ar m ay
not.
Example 3.6
Di gi tal i s i ncr eases the contracti l i ty of the m am m al i an hear t. Thi s change i n
i notr opi c state i s a r esul t of changes i n cal ci um f l ux thr ough the m uscl e cel l
m em brane.
What i s “i notr opi c state”? How does i t r el ate to the pr ev i ous sentence? The
answ er i s that “contracti l i ty ” and “i notr opi c state” m ean the sam e thi ng. If no
di f f er ence i n m eani ng i s i ntended, w hy use tw o di f f er ent ter m s and r i sk
conf usi ng som e r eader s?
Revision
Di gi tal i s i ncr eases the contracti l i ty of the m am m al i an hear t. Thi s i ncr eased
contracti l i ty i s a r esul t of changes i n cal ci um f l ux thr ough the m uscl e cel l
m em brane.
P. 59
In thi s r ev i si on, the conti nui ty i s cl ear to al l r eader s because the key ter m
“contracti l i ty ” i s r epeated ex actl y. In addi ti on, the key ter m “i ncr eases” i s
r epeated, rather than bei ng general i zed to “change.” Repeti ti on of tw o key
ter m s m akes the conti nui ty even str onger.
In Ex am pl e 3. 7, the author jum ps f r om the key ter m s “di gesti on” and “l i ver ” at
the end of one paragraph to the key ter m s “i sol ati on” and “hepatocy tes” at the
begi nni ng of the nex t paragraph. The r el ati onshi p betw een the tw o paragraphs
i s not i m m edi atel y obv i ous.
Example 3.7
1. AThe ex tent of di gesti on of the l i ver was deter m i ned em pi r i cal l y, on the
basi s of the sof tness of the l i ver i n r esponse to gentl e scratches appl i ed
w i th ster i l e tw eezer s. BWhen these scratches br oke the sur f ace of the
l i ver , di gesti on was consi der ed com pl ete.
2. CThe key enzy m e i n hepatocy te i sol ati on i s col l agenase, but ther e i s
sur pr i si ngl y l i ttl e def i ni ti ve i nf or m ati on about w hat consti tutes a good
enzy m e pr eparati on f or ef f i cacy of cel l y i el d and v i abi l i ty.
Repeati ng the key ter m s “di gesti on” and “l i ver ” i n sentence C m akes the
r el ati onshi p betw een the paragraphs cl ear.
Revision
1. AThe ex tent of di gesti on of the l i ver was deter m i ned em pi r i cal l y, on the
basi s of the sof tness of the l i ver i n r esponse to gentl e scratches appl i ed
w i th ster i l e tw eezer s. BWhen these scratches br oke the sur f ace of the
l i ver, di gesti on was consi der ed com pl ete.
2. CThe key enzy m e used to di gest l i ver i s col l agenase, but ther e i s
sur pr i si ngl y l i ttl e def i ni ti ve i nf or m ati on about w hat consti tutes a good
enzy m e pr eparati on f or ef f i cacy of cel l y i el d and v i abi l i ty.
If the author wants to i ncl ude “i sol ati on” i n paragraph 2, that i s al so possi bl e.
Si m pl y w r i te “The key enzy m e used to di gest l i ver f or i sol ati on of hepatocy tes
i s col l agenase… .” In that case, the key ter m “cel l ” l ater i n sentence C shoul d be
changed to the key ter m “hepatocy te,” si nce hepatocy tes ar e the cel l s of
i nter est.
As these tw o ex am pl es i l l ustrate, conti nui ty i s cl ear est i f key ter m s ar e

r epeated ex actl y.
For Accuracy
Som eti m es changi ng key ter m s can m ake the m eani ng sci enti f i cal l y i naccurate,
as i n Ex am pl e 3. 8.
Example 3.8
ATo deter m i ne w hi ch col l agenase concentrati on i s the m ost appr opr i ate f or our
pur poses, w e tested col l agenase B (Boehr i nger Mannhei m , Indi anapol i s, IN )
di ssol ved at di f f er ent concentrati ons i n the per f usi on m edi um . CFi r st w e
per f used m ouse l i ver w i th a m edi um contai ni ng the sam e quanti ty of
col l agenase B as the m edi um used to per f use rat l i ver (70 m g enzy m e per l i ter
of per f usi on m edi um ).
P. 60
Revision
ATo deter m i ne w hi ch col l agenase concentrati on i s the m ost appr opr i ate f or our
pur poses, w e tested col l agenase B (Boehr i nger Mannhei m , Indi anapol i s, IN )
di ssol ved at di f f er ent concentrati ons i n the per f usi on m edi um . CFi r st w e
per f used m ouse l i ver w i th a m edi um contai ni ng the sam e concentrati on of
col l agenase B as the m edi um used to per f use rat l i ver (70 m g enzy m e per l i ter
of per f usi on m edi um ).
Example 3.9
Si nce RACK1 and βIIPKC ar e transl ocated together and bi nd each other, w e nex t
wanted to deter m i ne the ti m i ng of associ ati on… . Thi s m er gi ng of i m ages at a
si te di f f er ent f r om the Gol gi apparatus i ndi cates that RACK1 and βIIPKC bi nd
each other bef or e they ar e transl ocated together to the Gol gi apparatus.
“Associ ati on” i s a m or e general ter m than “bi ndi ng.” If you ar e tal k i ng about
bi ndi ng, i t i s cl ear est to use that ter m .
Revision
Si nce RACK1 and βIIPKC ar e transl ocated together and bi nd each other, w e nex t
wanted to deter m i ne the ti m i ng of bi ndi ng… . Thi s m er gi ng of i m ages at a si te
di f f er ent f r om the Gol gi apparatus i ndi cates that RACK1 and βIIPKC bi nd each
other bef or e they ar e transl ocated together to the Gol gi apparatus.
To Avoid “Noise.”
Som eti m es changi ng key ter m s m ay not be uncl ear or i naccurate, but just
cr eates “noi se,” as i n Ex am pl e 3. 10.
Example 3.10
In hum ans, apoB100, m ai nl y sy nthesi zed i n the l i ver, and apoB48, m ai nl y
sy nthesi zed i n the i ntesti ne, ar e the pr oducts of a si ngl e apoB gene (r ef ). The
pr oducti on of apoB48 i n the hum an i ntesti ne i s the r esul t of an RN Aedi ti ng
pr ocess that changes a gl utam i ne codon (CAA) of the m RN A f or apoB100 i nto a
transl ati onal stop codon (U AA). Thi s apoB m RN Aedi ti ng pr ocess does not
occur i n hum an l i ver s, so apoB48 i s not sy nthesi zed i n hum an l i ver s. How ever,
the m RN Aedi ti ng pr ocess, and thus apoB48 f or m ati on, occur s i n m ouse and
rat l i ver s.
If “pr oducti on” and “f or m ati on” m ean “sy nthesi s,” w hy not use “sy nthesi s” each
ti m e?
The r eason usual l y gi ven f or not r epeati ng a w or d i s that al m ost ever yone
r em em ber s bei ng taught not to r epeat the sam e w or d tw i ce i n a sentence, a
paragraph, or som e other l i m i t. The goal of not r epeati ng the sam e w or d i s to
have an el egant rather than a bor i ng sty l e. Indeed, w hen w el l handl ed, not
r epeati ng the sam e w or ds can cr eate an el egant sty l e. We saw an ex am pl e of
el egant sty l e f r om not r epeati ng the sam e w or d (but not f r om usi ng di f f er ent
w or ds) i n the second r ev i si on of Ex am pl e 1 i n Exer ci se 2. 4, w hi ch avoi ds
r epeti ti on of “congesti ng cuf f s.” How ever, i n Ex am pl e 3. 10 the sty l e i s not
par ti cul ar l y el egant. The m or e l i kel y ef f ect of not r epeati ng key ter m s ex actl y
i n Ex am pl e 3. 10 i s that cl ar i ty i s i n jeopar dy. The best that can be sai d i s that
not r epeati ng key ter m s ex actl y cr eates “noi se.”
P. 61
When you ar e tem pted not to r epeat key ter m s, consi der thr ee poi nts. One i s
that, unl i ke author s, w ho ar e usual l y keenl y awar e of each w or d they ar e
w r i ti ng, m ost r eader s ar e sem i consci ous w hen they ar e r eadi ng the sci enti f i c
l i teratur e. Thus, they do not begi n to noti ce a w or d unti l the thi r d ti m e they
r ead i t. So you do not have to star t w or r y i ng about r epeti ti on bei ng bor i ng unti l
the f i f th or si x th ti m e you use a w or d.
Second, keep i n m i nd w hat your goal s as a w r i ter ar e: to get your m essage

acr oss and m ake your stor y cl ear. If your paper i s about sy nthesi s, you want to
keep that w or d i n the r eader 's m i nd. Thus, rather than avoi di ng r epeati ng
“sy nthesi s,” you shoul d acti vel y pr ef er to r epeat “sy nthesi s” w henever r el evant,
so that even i n a sem i consci ous state, the r eader k now s that your paper i s
about sy nthesi s.
Fi nal l y, w hether the r eader i s sem i consci ous or consci ous, the r eadi ng job i s
easi est i f you use one and onl y one ter m to m ean one thi ng, and r epeat i t
ex actl y thr oughout a paper. Thi s ex act r epeti ti on of key ter m s i s especi al l y
i m por tant i n sci ence, si nce so m uch can be goi ng on sci enti f i cal l y i n each
paragraph and so m any key ter m s can be i n pl ay. Thus, the best adv i ce f or
cl ear conti nui ty i s to r epeat key ter m s ex actl y.
Corollary: Do Not Use One Key Term for Two Meanings

Di am etr i cal l y opposi te to the use of di f f er ent ter m s f or one m eani ng (or,
changi ng key ter m s) i s the use of one ter m f or di f f er ent m eani ngs.
Example 3.11
… r educti on of r educed gl utathi one…
What does thi s phrase m ean? “Reduced gl utathi one” m ust m ean gl utathi one that
has been deox i di zed. Pr esum abl y “r educti on” does not al so m ean “deox i di zed”
but “decr eased.” It i s cl ear est to w r i te “decr ease i n r educed gl utathi one” i f that
i s w hat you m ean.
Repeat Key Terms Early in the Sentence
Repeated Key Term as the Subject

Conti nui ty i s cl ear est i f the key ter m i s r epeated ear l y i n the sentence. If the
key ter m i s del ayed unti l the end of the sentence, the conti nui ty i s br oken and
the r eader i s kept i n suspense tem porar i l y, as i n Ex am pl e 3. 12, w hi ch i s a
per m utati on of the r ev i si on of Ex am pl e 3. 6.
Example 3.12
Di gi tal i s i ncr eases the contracti l i ty of the m am m al i an hear t. Changes i n the
cal ci um f l ux thr ough the m uscl e cel l m em brane cause thi s i ncr eased
contracti l i ty .
Revision
Di gi tal i s i ncr eases the contracti l i ty of the m am m al i an hear t. Thi s i ncr eased
contracti l i ty r esul ts f r om changes i n cal ci um f l ux thr ough the m uscl e cel l
m em brane.
In the r ev i si on, the subject (“changes…”) and the com pl eter (“thi s i ncr eased
contracti l i ty ”) ar e sw i tched, thus m ov i ng the r epeated key ter m to the
begi nni ng of the second sentence as the subject of the sentence.
The m or e del ayed the r epeti ti on of the key ter m , the l ess obv i ous the
conti nui ty. The r eason i s that m or e and m or e new key ter m s ar e added bef or e
the r el ati onshi p betw een the tw o sentences i s cl ear. Her e i s an ex am pl e.
P. 62
Example 3.13
ACel l ul ar oncogenes ar e cr eated w hen nor m al cel l ul ar genes that have l atent
transf or m i ng potenti al , that i s, pr otooncogenes, ar e acti vated and key
r egul ator y pathway s that contr ol cel l pr ol i f erati on ar e subver ted. BSeveral
subf am i l i es of Gpr otei ncoupl ed r eceptor s, f or ex am pl e, the ser otoni n (1c) and
m uscar i ni c chol i ner gi c (m 1, m 3, m 5) r eceptor s, have been show n to r esul t i n
condi ti onal , agoni stdependent acti vati on of pr otooncogenes (r ef s).
In Ex am pl e 3. 13 the conti nui ty betw een the tw o sentences i s not cl ear because
several new key ter m s ar e i ntr oduced bef or e the key ter m s f r om sentence A
(“acti vated,” “pr otooncogenes”) ar e r epeated—at the end of the sentence.
Revision
ACel l ul ar oncogenes ar e cr eated w hen nor m al cel l ul ar genes that have l atent
transf or m i ng potenti al , that i s, pr otooncogenes ar e acti vated and key
r egul ator y pathway s that contr ol cel l pr ol i f erati on ar e subver ted. BPr oto
oncogenes can be acti vated condi ti onal l y by var i ous agents, i ncl udi ng several
subf am i l i es of Gpr otei ncoupl ed r eceptor s, f or ex am pl e, the ser otoni n (1c)
r eceptor s and m uscar i ni c chol i ner gi c (m l , m 3, m 5) r eceptor s (r ef s).
In the r ev i si on, “pr otooncogenes” (the l ast w or d i n the or i gi nal com pl eter of
sentence B) becom es the subject of the sentence and “several subf am i l i es…”
(the or i gi nal subject) becom es the com pl eter. In addi ti on, putti ng the acti on i n
the ver b (“can be acti vated”) m akes the sentence m or e di r ect and m or e si m i l ar
to sentence A.
Repeated Key Term as an Aspect of the Subject

So f ar, to r epeat the key ter m ear l y, w e have r epeated the key ter m at the
begi nni ng of the sentence as the gram m ati cal subject of the sentence. Another
possi bi l i ty i s to m ake the subject of the sentence an aspect of the key ter m , as
i n Ex am pl e 3. 14. The key ter m i s r epeated i m m edi atel y af ter the subject.
Example 3.14
Si gnal s that conf er l ocal i zati on to the endopl asm i c r eti cul um (ER) have been
character i zed i n the cy topl asm i c dom ai n of m any m am m al i an ty pe I
transm em brane pr otei ns that r esi de i n the ER and i n the ERGol gi i nter m edi ate
com par tm ent. One com m on f eatur e of these si gnal s i s the pr esence of tw o
l y si ne r esi dues at posi ti ons 3 and 4 f r om the Cter m i nal end of the
cy topl asm i c dom ai n (r ef s).
In Ex am pl e 3. 14, the r epeated key ter m , “si gnal ,” i s not the subject of the
second sentence. Instead, an aspect of “si gnal ”—“one com m on f eatur e”—i s the
subject, and the key ter m (“si gnal ”) i s r epeated af ter the subject. The stor y i n
thi s paragraph thus m oves f r om si gnal s to a com m on f eatur e of the si gnal s.
Because the key ter m f r om sentence A i s r epeated ear l y i n sentence B, the
r eader can f ol l ow the stor y easi l y.
Whether the key ter m i s r epeated ear l y as the subject of the sentence or
i m m edi atel y af ter the subject, the cr uci al poi nt i s that the r el ati onshi p betw een
the new sentence and the pr ev i ous sentence i s cl ear at the begi nni ng of the
new sentence.
P. 63
The Principle behind Repeating Early

The techni que of r epeati ng key ter m s ear l y i s based on the pr i nci pl e that the
stor y i s cl ear est i f you tal k about the ol d thi ng i n the subject and put the new
thi ng i n the ver b and the com pl eter. In addi ti on, the cl oser the r epeated key
ter m s ar e to each other, the str onger the conti nui ty.
Bidirectional Continuity
Repeati ng the key ter m ear l y not onl y cr eates conti nui ty w i th the pr ev i ous
sentence but can al so cr eate conti nui ty w i th the nex t sentence.
In Ex am pl e 3. 15, each sentence star ts w i th a new key ter m . The ol d key ter m s
ar e r epeated l ate—at the ends of sentences B and C. In addi ti on, the r epeti ti on
i s i nex act. As a r esul t, the stor y i n thi s paragraph i s di f f i cul t to f ol l ow.
Example 3.15
AThe abi l i ty to per f or m hi ghr esol uti on genoty pi ng f or the pur poses of geneti c
m appi ng depends on the avai l abi l i ty of pol y m or phi c m ar ker s at ver y hi gh
densi ty. BSi ngl ebase var i ati ons, r epor ted on average at ever y 1 k b of the
hum an genom e, pr ov i de an attracti ve r eser voi r of pol y m or phi sm s. CMi sm atch
r epai r detecti on i s an i n v i vo m ethod f or the detecti on of DN A sequence
var i ati ons.
Revision
AThe abi l i ty to per f or m hi ghr esol uti on genoty pi ng f or the pur poses of geneti c
m appi ng depends on the avai l abi l i ty of pol y m or phi c m ar ker s at ver y hi gh
densi ty. BAn attracti ve r eser voi r of pol y m or phi c m ar ker s i s si ngl ebase
var i ati ons, r epor ted on average at ever y 1 k b of the hum an genom e. CAn i n
v i vo m ethod f or detecti ng si ngl ebase var i ati ons i s m i sm atch r epai r detecti on.
In the r ev i si on, r epeati ng “pol y m or phi c m ar ker s” ear l y i n sentence B m akes the
conti nui ty betw een sentences A and B i m m edi atel y cl ear. Thi s ear l y r epeti ti on
al so puts the key ter m “si ngl ebase var i ati ons” l ater i n the sentence and thus
m akes the conti nui ty betw een sentences B and C cl ear er —but onl y af ter
“var i ati ons” i s m oved cl oser to the begi nni ng of sentence C.
The r ev i si on al so r epeats key ter m s ex actl y : “pol y m or phi c m ar ker s,” not
“pol y m or phi sm s,” and “si ngl ebase var i ati ons,” not “DN A sequence var i ati ons.”
Al though each sentence sti l l star ts w i th a new key ter m , the new key ter m i s an
aspect of a r epeated key ter m , so the stor y i n thi s paragraph i s now easy to
f ol l ow.
P. 64
EXERCISE 3.2: REPEATING KEY TERMS EXACTLY

AND EARLY
Ex a mple 1
Re vis e the title a nd Introduc tion be low , re pe a ting k e y te rms e x a c tly a nd

e a rly, a s ne e de d.
A LU MP ED TRANSP ORT MODEL TO DETERMINE RESIN CAP ACITY AS A

FU NCTION OF BED HEIG HT AND FLOW RATE
Introduc tion
AThe dyna mic binding c a pa c ity of a prote in on c hroma togra phic re s ins
de pe nds on line a r ve loc ity, be d le ngth, binding k ine tic s , a nd the phys ic a l
a nd c he mic a l prope rtie s of the re s in. BBre a k through c urve s a t diffe re nt
be d le ngths a nd ve loc itie s provide a n e x c e lle nt me thod of me a s uring this
dyna mic binding c a pa c ity. CFor la rge mole c ule s s uc h a s prote ins , the
s ha pe of the bre a k through c urve ma y va ry c ons ide ra bly a s line a r ve loc ity
a nd c olumn le ngth a re c ha nge d.
Hi de Answ er
Re vis ion 1
A LU MPED TRAN SPORT MODEL TO DETERMIN E DYN AMIC BIN DIN G

CAPACITY AS A FU N CTION OF LIN EAR VELOCITY AN D BED LEN GTH
AThe dy nam i c bi ndi ng capaci ty of a pr otei n on chr om atographi c r esi ns

depends on l i near vel oci ty, bed l ength, bi ndi ng k i neti cs, and the
phy si cal and chem i cal pr oper ti es of the r esi n. BAn e x c e lle nt me thod
of me a s uring this dyna mic binding c a pa c ity is by a s s e s s ing the
s ha pe of br eak thr ough cur ves at di f f er ent l i near vel oci ti es and bed
l engths. CFor l ar ge m ol ecul es such as pr otei ns, the shape of the
br eak thr ough cur ve m ay var y consi derabl y as l i near vel oci ty and bed
l ength ar e changed.
Re vis ion 2
AThe dy nam i c bi ndi ng capaci ty of a pr otei n on chr om atographi c r esi ns

depends on l i near vel oci ty, bed l ength, bi ndi ng k i neti cs, and the
phy si cal and chem i cal pr oper ti es of the r esi n. BThi s dy nam i c bi ndi ng
capaci ty c a n be me a s ure d by a s s e s s ing the s ha pe of br eak thr ough
cur ves at di f f er ent l i near vel oci ti es and bed l engths. CThe shape of
the bre a k through c urve f or l ar ge m ol ecul es such as pr otei ns m ay
var y consi derabl y as l i near vel oci ty and bed l ength ar e changed.
COMMEN TS
Re pe a t Ke y Te rms Ex a c tly
In the or i gi nal par agr aph, i t i s di f f i cul t to tel l w hether “col um n

l ength” i n sentence C i s the sam e as “bed l ength” i n sentence A and
“bed hei ght” i n the ti tl e. Si m i l ar l y , ar e “v el oci ti es” i n sentence B the
sam e as “l i near v el oci ty ” i n sentences A and C and “f l ow r ate” i n the
ti tl e? Is “dy nam i c bi ndi ng capaci ty ” i n sentences A and B the sam e as
“r esi n capaci ty ” i n the ti tl e? At best, these di f f er ences ar e noi se. At
w or st, they ar e conf usi ng. To m ak e cl ear to the r eader that the sam e
thi ng i s m eant, r epeat k ey ter m s ex actl y .
Re pe a t Ke y Te rms Ea rly
In the or i gi nal par agr aph, the conti nui ty betw een sentences A and B
i s uncl ear unti l the end of sentence B. The r eason i s that a new k ey
ter m , “br eak thr ough, ” i s i ntr oduced bef or e w e k now how i t r el ates to
the pr ev i ous sentence. In the r ev i si ons, “dy nam i c bi ndi ng capaci ty ” i s
r epeated ear l y i n sentence B, bef or e “br eak thr ough” i s m enti oned, so
the conti nui ty i s cl ear er , and the stor y l i ne i s easi er to f ol l ow .
In Rev i si on 2, the conti nui ty betw een sentences A and B i s str onger
than i n Rev i si on 1 because “dy nam i c bi ndi ng capaci ty ” i s r epeated at
the begi nni ng of sentence B, as the subject of the sentence. In
Rev i si on 1, an aspect of “dy nam i c bi ndi ng capaci ty ” (“m ethod of
m easur i ng”) i s at the begi nni ng of the sentence.
For str onger conti nui ty betw een sentences B and C, the k ey ter m
“shape” i s added to sentence B i n both r ev i si ons. In addi ti on, i n the
second r ev i si on, the k ey ter m s “shape of the br eak thr ough cur v e” ar e
r epeated at the begi nni ng of sentence C.
Because of these tw o changes—r epeati ng the k ey ter m “dy nam i c

bi ndi ng capaci ty ” ear l y i n sentence B and addi ng the k ey ter m
“shape” to sentence B—the conti nui ty betw een sentence B and the
sentences bef or e and af ter i t i s cl ear er .
P. 65
Ex a mple 2
In the a bs tra c t be low , the s tory line bre a k s be fore five s e nte nc e s : B, C, E,
H, a nd I. Re vis e this a bs tra c t to ma k e the s tory c le a r by re pe a ting k e y
te rms e x a c tly a nd e a rly. Cons ide r the follow ing que s tions :
1. In A a nd B, w hy a re tw o diffe re nt k e y te rms , “ e x pre s s ion” a nd

“ tra ns c ription” us e d? Choos e one k e y te rm a nd re pe a t it.
2. How do the phos pha te le ve ls in C a nd D re la te to s e nte nc e s A a nd B?
3. W ha t k e y te rm in D doe s “ re ta ine d” in E re la te to?
4. How is the k e y te rm “ firs t hypothe s is ” (in H) re la te d to the k e y te rms

in F a nd G ?
5. How a re the k e y te rms “ inte ra c tion” a nd “ loc a liza tion” (in I) re la te d

to k e y te rms in F (the hypothe s is the s e re s ults a re for)?
AEx pre s s ion of the a c id phos pha ta s e P HO5 in the ye a s t Sa c c ha romyc e s

c e re vis ia e is re gula te d by e x tra c e llula r phos pha te le ve ls . BThe P HO4 ge ne
e nc ode s a pos itive re gula tory fa c tor w hic h is re quire d to a c tiva te
tra ns c ription of P HO5. CW he n ye a s t c e lls a re grow n in me dium c onta ining
high phos pha te le ve ls , P HO4 is in the c ytopla s m a nd P HO5 is not
tra ns c ribe d. DW he n c e lls a re s ta rve d for phos pha te , P HO4 e nte rs the
nuc le us , w he re , in c onjunc tion w ith a s e c ond tra ns c ription fa c tor c a lle d
P HO2, it a c tiva te s tra ns c ription of P HO5. EIt is not k now n how P HO4 is
re ta ine d in the nuc le us unde r c onditions of low phos pha te . FOne pos s ible
e x pla na tion is tha t P HO4 is re ta ine d in the nuc le us through binding to a
nuc le a r c ompone nt. G Tw o pos s ibilitie s a re tha t the inte ra c tion of P HO4
w ith P HO2 or DNA k e e ps P HO4 in the nuc le us . H The firs t hypothe s is is
be ing te s te d by e x a mining the s ubc e llula r loc a liza tion of P HO4 in a s tra in
from w hic h P HO2 ha s be e n de le te d. I P re limina ry re s ults s ugge s t tha t the
P HO2–P HO4 inte ra c tion is not re quire d for the nuc le a r loc a liza tion of P HO4
unde r low phos pha te c onditions . J The s e c ond pos s ibility is tha t the DNA
binding doma in of P HO4 is re s pons ible for k e e ping P HO4 in the nuc le us
through its inte ra c tion w ith DNA. K To te s t the s e c ond hypothe s is , w e a re
ge ne ra ting a muta nt ve rs ion of P HO4 from w hic h the DNA binding doma in
ha s be e n de le te d. L This P HO4 muta nt w ill be introduc e d into ye a s t a nd its
s ubc e llula r loc a liza tion w ill be de te rmine d.
Hi de Answ er
EXAMP LE 2
Re vis ion 1
ATra ns c ription of the aci d phosphatase PHO5 i n the yeast

Sacchar om y ces cer ev i si ae i s acti vated by a transcr i pti on f actor
encoded by the PHO4 gene. BWhether transcr i pti on i s acti vated
depends on ex tracel l ul ar phosphate l evel s. CWhen yeast cel l s ar e
gr ow n i n m edi um contai ni ng hi gh phosphate l evel s, PHO4 i s i n the
cy topl asm and does not acti vate transcr i pti on of PHO5. DWhen yeast
cel l s ar e star ved f or phosphate, PHO4 enter s and i s re ta ine d i n the
nucl eus, w her e, i n conjuncti on w i th a second transcr i pti on f actor
cal l ed PHO2, i t acti vates transcr i pti on of PHO5. EIt i s not k now n how
PHO4 i s r etai ned i n the nucl eus under l ow phosphate condi ti ons. FOne
hy pothesi s i s that PHO4 i s r etai ned i n the nucl eus by bi ndi ng to the
nucl ear pr otei n PHO2. GAnother hy pothesi s i s that PHO4 i s r etai ned i n
the nucl eus by bi ndi ng to DN A. H To test the f i r st hy pothesi s, w e ar e
ex am i ni ng the subcel l ul ar l ocal i zati on of PHO4 i n a strai n f r om w hi ch
PHO2 has been del eted. I Pr el i m i nar y r esul ts suggest that binding to
P HO2 is not the w a y P HO4 is re ta ine d in the nuc le us under l ow
phosphate condi ti ons. J To test the second hy pothesi s, w e ar e
generati ng a m utant ver si on of PHO4 f r om w hi ch the DN A bi ndi ng
dom ai n has been del eted. K Thi s PHO4 m utant w i l l be i ntr oduced i nto
yeast and i ts subcel l ul ar l ocal i zati on w i l l be deter m i ned.
1. “Ex pr essi on” i n sentence A i s now “tr anscr i pti on. ”
2. The poi nt that acti v ati on of tr anscr i pti on depends on

ex tr acel l ul ar phosphate l ev el s (sentence B) i s pl aced af ter the
poi nt about how tr anscr i pti on of PHO5 i s acti v ated (A). Thus, the
suppor ti ng sentences C and D com e r i ght af ter the topi c
sentence they suppor t (B), and the k ey ter m “phosphate l ev el s”
i n C r epeats “phosphate l ev el s” i n B.
3. “Retai ned” i s added to sentence D, to pr epar e f or “r etai ned” i n

sentence E.
4. The tw o hy potheses ar e w r i tten one af ter the other , they ar e

stated pr eci sel y , and the sam e k ey ter m s ar e used i n both. In
addi ti on, the k ey ter m “hy pothesi s” i s used to i denti f y both. In
sentence F, the k ey ter m “PHO2” i s i denti f i ed as a nucl ear
pr otei n to pr ov i de conti nui ty w i th sentence E. The techni que i s
l i nk i ng k ey ter m s (the categor y ter m “nucl ear pr otei n, ” w hi ch
now appear s bef or e “PHO2, ” l i nk s to “nucl eus” i n E).
5. In sentence I, “i nter acti on” i s changed to “bi ndi ng. ”

“Local i zati on” i s changed to “r etai ned. ” (Actual l y , the enti r e
subject, v er b, and com pl eter ar e changed. )
6. Or i gi nal sentence J (the second possi bi l i ty ) i s om i tted because

the second hy pothesi s i s stated i n sentence G.
Re vis ion 2
Rev i si on 2 i s the sam e as Rev i si on 1 ex cept that sentence F bel ow

r epl aces sentences F and G (both hy potheses i n one sentence), and
the begi nni ng of sentences H and J ar e m ade m or e speci f i c, as show n
bel ow .
FThe ex pl anati on m ay be that PHO4 i s r etai ned i n the nucl eus by

bi nd i ng to a nucl ear com ponent, ei ther PHO2 or DN A. H To test
bi ndi ng to PHO2, … . J To test bi ndi ng to DN A, … .
Re vis ion 3
A, BIn the yeast Sacchar om y ces cer ev i si ae, tra ns c ription of the aci d
phosphatase PHO5 i s r egul ated by ex tracel l ul ar phosphate l evel s
thr ough the transcr i pti on f actor PHO4. CWhen yeast cel l s ar e gr ow n
i n m edi um contai ni ng hi gh phosphate l evel s, PHO4 enter s the
cy topl asm and PHO5 i s not transcr i bed. DWhen yeast cel l s ar e gr ow n
i n m edi um w i thout phosphate, PHO4 i s re ta ine d i n the nucl eus. D '
Ther e, i n conjuncti on w i th a second transcr i pti on f actor, PHO2, i t
acti vates transcr i pti on of PHO5. ETher e ar e tw o hy potheses f or how
PHO4 i s r etai ned i n the nucl eus under l ow phosphate condi ti ons. FOne
hy pothesi s i s that PHO4 bi nds to the nucl ear pr otei n PHO2. H To test
thi s hy pothesi s, w e studi ed nucl ear r etenti on of PHO4 i n a strai n that
l ack s PHO2. I Pr el i m i nar y r esul ts suggest that bi ndi ng of PHO4 to
PHO2 i s not r equi r ed f or the nucl ear r etenti on of PHO4 under l ow
phosphate condi ti ons. J The second hy pothesi s i s that PHO4 bi ndi ng to
DN A thr ough i ts DN A bi ndi ng dom ai n i s r esponsi bl e f or r etai ni ng PHO4
i n the nucl eus. K To test thi s hypothesi s, w e pl an to study the nucl ear
r etenti on of a PHO4 m utant f r om w hi ch the DN A bi ndi ng dom ai n has
been del eted.
Re vis ion 4
ATra ns c ription of the aci d phosphatase PHO5 i n the yeast

Sacchar om y ces cer ev i si ae i s r egul ated by the transcr i pti on f actor s
PHO4 a nd P HO2. BThe i ntracel l ul ar loc a tion of PHO4, and
consequentl y the transcr i pti on of PHO5, ar e r egul ated by ex tracel l ul ar
phosphate l evel s. CWhen yeast cel l s ar e gr ow n i n m edi um contai ni ng
hi gh phosphate l evel s, PHO4 i s l ocated i n the cytopl asm and
ther ef or e i s unabl e to acti vate transcr i pti on of PHO5. DWhen yeast
cel l s ar e gr ow n i n m edi um contai ni ng l ow phosphate l evel s, PHO4 i s
transl ocated to and r etai ned i n the nucl eus, w her e, i n conjuncti on
w i th PHO2, i t acti vates transcr i pti on. EHow PHO4 i s r etai ned i n the
nucl eus i s unk now n. FOne hy pothesi s i s that PHO4 i s r etai ned i n the
nucl eus by bi ndi ng to the nucl ear transcr i pti on f actor PHO2.
H , I How ever,pr el i m i nar y r esul ts f r om studi es per f or m ed i n yeast
l ack i ng PHO2 suggest that bi ndi ng of PHO4 to PHO2 i s not r esponsi bl e
f or r etai ni ng PHO4 i n the nucl eus under l ow phosphate condi ti ons. J A
second hy pothesi s i s that PHO4 i s r etai ned i n the nucl eus by bi ndi ng
to DN A v i a i ts DN Abi ndi ng dom ai n. K To test thi s hy pothesi s, PHO4
l ack i ng the DN A bi ndi ng dom ai n i s bei ng generated. L Thi s m utant w i l l
be i ntr oduced i nto yeast and i ts subcel l ul ar l ocati on w i l l be
deter m i ned.
P. 66
Link Key Terms When You Shift from a Specific

Term to a Category Term, or Vice Versa
Som eti m es the w r i ter wants to shi f t f r om a speci f i c ter m to a categor y ter m or
v i ce ver sa. (A categor y ter m i s a ter m that nam es the categor y a speci f i c ter m
bel ongs to; f or ex am pl e, “r odent” i s a categor y ter m f or rats, m i ce, and gui nea
pi gs. )
The techni que f or shi f ti ng f r om a speci f i c key ter m to a categor y ter m , or v i ce

ver sa, w i thout l osi ng conti nui ty i s l i nk i ng key ter m s. To l i nk key ter m s, you use
the categor y ter m to def i ne the speci f i c ter m . The categor y ter m i n the
def i ni ti on becom es a r epeated key ter m , w hi ch i s the l i nk .
To l i nk key ter m s:
Pl ace the def i ni ti on ei ther r i ght af ter or r i ght bef or e the ter m to be
def i ned.
Set of f the i tem i n the “af ter ” posi ti on by com m as.
Check that the def i ni ti on r epeats a key ter m f r om the pr ev i ous sentence
or pr epar es f or a key ter m i n the nex t sentence.
To Link a Specific Term to a Category Term, Use a

Suppressed “Which Is” Clause
Example 3.16
AThe ver bB gene i s r el ated to the neu oncogene. BBoth oncogenes have…
The neu oncogene i s one oncogene. What i s the other one?
Revision A
AThe ver bB gene, an oncogene of the av i an er y thr obl astosi s v i r us, i s r el ated
to the neu oncogene. BBoth oncogenes have…
In Rev i si on A, i t i s cl ear that the other oncogene i s the ver bB gene because
the ver bB gene i s def i ned as an oncogene. The def i ni ti on, w hi ch i ncl udes the
categor y ter m “oncogene,” i s pl aced r i ght af ter the speci f i c ter m (“ver bB
gene”) and i s set of f by com m as. The ter m “oncogene” i n the def i ni ti on i n
sentence A becom es a r epeated key ter m i n sentence B.
The def i ni ti on i s a suppr essed “w hi ch i s…” cl ause. These cl auses ar e k now n as

apposi ti ves. “Whi ch i s” coul d be i ncl uded: “The ver bB gene, w hi ch i s an
oncogene of the av i an er y thr obl astosi s v i r us, i s r el ated to the neu oncogene.”
But the def i ni ti on i s cl ear w i thout “w hi ch i s,” so “w hi ch i s” i s om i tted.
The def i ni ti on shoul d not be w r i tten as a separate sentence: “The ver bB gene
i s r el ated to the neu oncogene. The ver bB gene i s an oncogene of the av i an
er y thr obl astosi s v i r us. Both oncogenes have… .” Putti ng the def i ni ti on i n a
separate sentence br eak s the conti nui ty. To m ai ntai n conti nui ty, i t i s i m por tant
to i ncl ude the def i ni ti on as a par t of an ex i sti ng sentence, not as a separate
sentence.
Som eti m es a si m pl er sol uti on i s possi bl e: the speci f i c ter m can be used as an
adjecti ve m odi f y i ng the categor y ter m , as i n Rev i si on B.
P. 67
Revision B
The ver bB oncogene i s r el ated to the neu oncogene. Both oncogenes have… .
How ever, usi ng the speci f i c ter m to m odi f y the categor y ter m i s not al way s
possi bl e. For ex am pl e, w e do not say “the m ouse r odent” or “the endonucl ease
enzy m e.”
To Link a Category Term to a Specific Term, Use a

Suppressed “Namely” Phrase
Example 3.17
The f am i l y of TGFsi gnal i ng m ol ecul es pl ay i nducti ve r ol es i n var i ous
devel opm ental contex ts. 1 One m em ber of thi s f am i l y , Dr osophi l a
Decapentapl egi c (Dpp), 2 ser ves as a m or phogen that patter ns both the
em br yo 2 , 3 and adul t. 4 , 5
In Ex am pl e 3. 17, i f “one m em ber of thi s f am i l y ” w er e om i tted, the conti nui ty

betw een the tw o sentences w oul d be br oken. Incl udi ng “one m em ber of thi s
f am i l y ” r i ght bef or e “Dr osophi l a Decapentapl egi c” l i nk s the speci f i c ter m
“Dr osophi l a Decapentapl egi c” to the categor y ter m “f am i l y of TGFsi gnal i ng
m ol ecul es” by def i ni ng Dr osophi l a Decapentapl egi c as a m em ber of thi s f am i l y.
Repeti ti on of the key ter m “f am i l y ” m akes the l i nk betw een the tw o sentences.
The def i ned ter m (Dr osophi l a Decapentapl egi c) i s a suppr essed “nam el y ”
phrase. “N am el y ” coul d be i ncl uded: “One m em ber of thi s f am i l y, nam el y
Dr osophi l a Decapentapl egi c… .” But the def i ni ti on i s cl ear w i thout “nam el y,” so
“nam el y ” i s om i tted.
In thi s ex am pl e, the def i ni ti on coul d al so com e af ter the ter m to be def i ned:
“The f am i l y of TGFsi gnal i ng m ol ecul es pl ay i nducti ve r ol es i n var i ous
devel opm ental contex ts. 1 Dr osophi l a Decapentapl egi c (Dpp) 2 one m em ber of
thi s f am i l y , ser ves as a m or phogen… .” How ever, conti nui ty i s str onger i f the ol d
key ter m i s r epeated ear l y, bef or e the new key ter m i s i ntr oduced.
In Ex am pl e 3. 18, the author di d not l i nk the key ter m s i n sentences A and B, so

the conti nui ty i s br oken.
Example 3.18
ATo ex am i ne w hether tr i gl ycer i del ow er i ng tr eatm ent w i th etof i brate f or 6
w eek s af f ects f asti ng and postprandi al hem ostasi s posi ti vel y and r ever ses the
potenti al negati ve ef f ects of a f atty m eal on postprandi al hem ostasi s, w e
r epeated the oral tol erance test af ter tr eatm ent w i th etof i brate or pl acebo f or 6
w eek s. BIn each sam pl e w e m easur ed the concentrati ons of f XII, f XIIa, PAP,
PAI1, pl asm i nogen, pr otei n C, pr othr om bi n acti vati on f ragm ent 1 + 2 , and D
di m er.
How do f XII, etc., r el ate to sentence A?
Revision
ATo ex am i ne w hether tr i gl ycer i del ow er i ng tr eatm ent w i th etof i brate f or 6
w eek s af f ects f asti ng and postprandi al hem ostasi s posi ti vel y and r ever ses the
potenti al negati ve ef f ects of a f atty m eal on postprandi al hem ostasi s, w e
r epeated the oral tol erance test af ter tr eatm ent w i th etof i brate or pl acebo f or 6
w eek s. BIn each sam pl e w e m easur ed the concentrati ons of ei ght m ar ker s of
hem ostasi s: f XII, f XIIa, PAP, PAI1, pl asm i nogen, pr otei n C, pr othr om bi n
acti vati on f ragm ent 1 + 2 , and Ddi m er.
P. 68
In the r ev i si on, the r el ati on of f XII, etc., to sentence A i s m ade cl ear by the
def i ni ti on “ei ght m ar ker s of hem ostasi s” pl aced bef or e “f XII… .” The r epeated
key ter m “hem ostasi s” i n the def i ni ti on l i nk s sentences A and B.
Note on Punctuation
In thi s r ev i si on, the speci f i c key ter m s ar e not set of f by com m as or
par entheses, as i s usual l y done. Instead, they ar e set of f by a col on (:). A
col on can be used her e because the speci f i c key ter m s com e at the end of the
sentence and the categor y ter m i ncl udes a num ber (“ei ght”).
“Such As” and “Including.”

In the r ev i si on of Ex am pl e 3. 18, usi ng “such as” or “i ncl udi ng” af ter the
def i ni ti on w oul d change the m eani ng: “In each sam pl e w e m easur ed the
concentrati ons of ei ght m ar ker s of hem ostasi s, such as f XII,” etc. Addi ng “such
as” i m pl i es that, i n addi ti on to the ei ght m ar ker s nam ed, other m ar ker s w er e
m easur ed. Thi s i m pl i cati on m ay not be tr ue.
For the sam e r eason, “i ncl udi ng” cannot be used.
How ever, “nam el y ” can be used, because “nam el y ” i m pl i es that you ar e nam i ng
onl y the ei ght m ar ker s: “In each sam pl e w e m easur ed the concentrati ons of
ei ght m ar ker s of hem ostasi s, nam el y , f XII,” etc.
When can “such as” or “i ncl udi ng” be used? The answ er i s w hen you want to
i ndi cate that you ar e sel ecti ng one or a f ew ex am pl es out of a l onger l i st. For
ex am pl e, “Angi ogenesi s i s cr i ti cal f or nor m al phy si ol ogi cal pr ocesses such as
em br yoni c devel opm ent and w ound r epai r (1, 2).” In thi s ex am pl e, “such as”
i ntr oduces tw o phy si ol ogi cal pr ocesses and i m pl i es that angi ogenesi s i s al so
cr i ti cal f or other nor m al phy si ol ogi cal pr ocesses, w hi ch w e k now i s tr ue.
SUMMARY
In sum m ar y, r epeati ng key ter m s i s one of the m ost i m por tant techni ques of
conti nui ty. For cl ear conti nui ty,
Repeat key ter m s ex actl y.
Repeat key ter m s ear l y i n the sentence.
Li nk key ter m s w hen you want to shi f t f r om a speci f i c ter m to a categor y

ter m , or v i ce ver sa.
P. 69
EXERCISE 3.3: LINKING KEY TERMS

In the pa ra gra ph be low , link the k e y te rms “ me dic a tions ” a nd
“ gluc oc ortic oids ” s o tha t the re la tions hip be tw e e n the tw o s e nte nc e s is
c le a r. The link s hould inc lude re pe tition of a k e y te rm.
Note : G luc oc ortic oids a re a type of me dic a tion.

AMe dic a tions , die ta ry de fic ie nc ie s , infla mma tory me dia tors , a bnorma l
c a lc ium me ta bolis m, a nd de c re a s e d phys ic a l e x e rc is e ha ve a ll be e n
implic a te d in the pa thoge ne s is of de c re a s e d bone mine ra l de ns ity in
c hildre n w ith juve nile rhe uma toid a rthritis (re fs ). BRe c e nty found e vide nc e
tha t gluc oc ortic oids de c re a s e bone mine ra l de ns ity a nd de gra de mus c le in
the s e c hildre n (re fs ).
Hi de Answ er
Re vis ion 1
AMedi cati ons, di etar y def i ci enci es, i nf l am m ator y m edi ator s, abnor m al
cal ci um m etabol i sm , and decr eased phy si cal exer ci se have al l been
i m pl i cated i n the pathogenesi s of decr eased bone m i neral densi ty i n
chi l dr en w i th juveni l e r heum atoi d ar thr i ti s (r ef s). BRecent ev i dence
now i ndi cates that one ty pe of m edi cati on, gl ucocor ti coi ds, decr eases
bone m i neral densi ty and degrades m uscl e i n these chi l dr en (r ef s);… .
Thi s r ev i si on i s l i k e Ex am pl e 3. 17: “One m em ber of thi s f am i l y ,

Dr osophi l a Decapentagl egi c, … ”
Re vis ion 2
BRecent ev i dence now i ndi cates that gl ucocor ti coi ds, a ty pe of

m edi cati on used occasi onal l y to tr eat chi l dr en w i th juveni l e
r heum atoi d ar thr i ti s, decr ease bone m i neral densi ty and degrade
m uscl e i n these chi l dr en (r ef s);… .
Thi s r ev i si on i s l i k e Rev i si on A of Ex am pl e 3. 16: “The v er bB gene,

an oncogene of the av i an er y thr obl astosi s v i r us, … . ”
Re vis ion 3
BRecent ev i dence now i ndi cates that gl ucocor ti coi d m edi cati on
decr eases bone m i neral densi ty and degrades m uscl e i n these
chi l dr en (r ef s);… .
Thi s r ev i si on i s l i k e Rev i si on B of Ex am pl e 3. 16, “The v er bB

oncogene… . ”
In al l thr ee r ev i si ons, k ey ter m s ar e l i nk ed the second ti m e

“m edi cati on” i s used.
P. 70
EXERCISE 3.4: REPEATING AND LINKING KEY

TERMS
In the follow ing pa ra gra ph from a n Introduc tion, four k e y te rms from the
firs t tw o s e nte nc e s —“ blood produc ts , ” “ ris k of intra c ra nia l he morrha ge , ”
“ timing, ” a nd “ me thod” —a re not re pe a te d in the third s e nte nc e , s o the
re la tion be tw e e n the thre e s e nte nc e s is not e a s y to s e e .
To ma k e the re la tion c le a r in s e nte nc e C,
1. Re pe a t the k e y te rm “ blood produc ts ” e x a c tly; omit “ volume

e x pa ns ion. ”
2. U s e more pre c is e k e y te rms ins te a d of “ timing” a nd “ me thod, ” a nd

re pe a t the m e x a c tly.
3. Link the k e y te rm “ ris k of intra c ra nia l he morrha ge ” to “ c e re bra l blood
flow ” a nd “ intra c ra nia l pre s s ure . ” (Ce re bra l blood flow a nd
intra c ra nia l pre s s ure a re va ria ble s tha t c a n be me a s ure d to indic a te
the ris k of intra c ra nia l he morrha ge . )
ABlood produc ts a re us e d fre que ntly in the c a re of s ic k pre te rm infa nts ,

but the ir us e ma y inc re a s e the ris k of intra c ra nia l he morrha ge . BClinic ia ns
ma y be a ble to de c re a s e the ris k of intra c ra nia l he morrha ge by optimizing
the timing a nd me thod of blood produc t a dminis tra tion. CW e the re fore
s tudie d the e ffe c ts of the ra pidity of volume e x pa ns ion on c e re bra l blood
flow a nd intra c ra nia l pre s s ure in s ma ll pre te rm infa nts w ithin the firs t 7
da ys a fte r birth.
Hi de Answ er
Re vis ion 1
ABl ood pr oducts ar e used f r equentl y i n the car e of si ck pr eter m

i nf ants, but thei r use m ay i ncr ease the r i sk of i ntracrani al
hem or r hage. BThi s r i sk m ay be decr eased by opti m i zi ng the rate of
bl ood pr oduct i nf usi on. CTher ef or e, w e studi ed the ef f ects of var i ous
rates of bl ood pr oduct i nf usi on on tw o indic a tors of the ris k of
intra c ra nia l he morrha ge , cer ebral bl ood f l ow and i ntracrani al
pr essur e, i n si ck pr eter m i nf ants w i thi n the f i r st 7 day s af ter bi r th.
COMMEN TS
Re pe a t Ke y Te rms Ex a c tly
In Rev i si on 1, the k ey ter m s “bl ood pr oducts” and “the r i sk of

i ntr acr ani al hem or r hage” f r om sentences A and B ar e r epeated
i n sentence C. “Vol um e ex pansi on” i s om i tted.
The k ey ter m s “ti m i ng, ” “m ethod, ” and “r api di ty ” ar e r epl aced

by the pr eci se ter m “r ate. ” “Adm i ni str ati on” i s changed to the
pr eci se ter m “i nf usi on. ”
In addi ti on, the k ey ter m “si ck pr eter m i nf ants” f r om A i s

r epeated i n C r ather than bei ng changed to “sm al l pr eter m
i nf ants”—a v er y di f f er ent popul ati on.
Re pe a t Ke y Te rms Ea rly
In sentence B, the cl i ni ci ans ar e om i tted, thus al l ow i ng “r i sk ” to

be r epeated ear l y .
Link Ke y Te rms
“Cer ebr al bl ood f l ow ” and “i ntr acr ani al pr essur e” ar e i denti f i ed

as i ndi cator s of the r i sk of i ntr acr ani al hem or r hage, thus
l i nk i ng these k ey ter m s.
Re vis ion 2
ABl ood pr oducts ar e used f r equentl y i n the car e of si ck pr eter m

i nf ants. BHow ever, i f bl ood pr oducts ar e i nf used rapi dl y, c a us ing
s udde n e x pa ns ion of blood volume , the r i sk of i ntracrani al
hem or r hage m ay be i ncr eased. CWe suspected that thi s r i sk var i es
w i th the rate at w hi ch bl ood vol um e i s ex panded. DTher ef or e, w e
studi ed the ef f ects of var i ous rates of ex pandi ng bl ood vol um e on
tw o indic a tors of the ris k of intra c ra nia l he morrha ge , cer ebral
bl ood f l ow and i ntracrani al pr essur e, i n si ck pr eter m i nf ants w i thi n
the f i r st 7 day s af ter bi r th.
Sentence B of Rev i si on 2 m ak es cl ear the r el ati on betw een bl ood

pr oducts and bl ood v ol um e by addi ng “causi ng sudden ex pansi on of
bl ood v ol um e. ” Thi s l i nk i ng of k ey ter m s al l ow s the sw i tch f r om
“bl ood pr oducts” i n the f i r st tw o sentences to “bl ood v ol um e” i n the
l ast tw o sentences.
The k ey ter m “r api dl y ” i n sentence B pr epar es f or the categor y ter m

“r ate” i n C, but these k ey ter m s ar e not l i nk ed.
P. 71
Using Transitions to Indicate Relationships

For a paragraph to have conti nui ty, the r eader m ust under stand not m er el y
w hat each sentence say s, but al so w hy the author i s w r i ti ng each sentence, and
w hy at thi s poi nt i n the paragraph; how does the sentence r el ate to the stor y ?
In som e cases the r el ati onshi p i s obv i ous, as i n Ex am pl e 3. 19.
Example 3.19
N eur i ti c pl aques and neur of i br i l l ar y tangl es i n brai n ti ssue ar e m ajor f eatur es
of the pathol ogy of Al zhei m er 's di sease. N eur i ti c pl aques ar e r i ch i n an amy l oi d
that consi sts l ar gel y of the 39 to 43r esi due amy l oi d βpepti de (A4), a
pr oteol y si s pr oduct of the βamy l oi d pr ecur sor pr otei n (βAPP) (r ef ).
In Ex am pl e 3. 19, the f i r st sentence tal k s about neur i ti c pl aques and

neur of i br i l l ar y tangl es. The second sentence gi ves m or e i nf or m ati on about
neur i ti c pl aques. Conti nui ty i s pr ov i ded by a r epeated key ter m (“neur i ti c
pl aques”).
If the r eason f or putti ng one sentence af ter another i s not obv i ous, you need to
i ndi cate how the sentences ar e r el ated. The techni que f or i ndi cati ng how
sentences (or par ts of sentences) ar e r el ated i s transi ti ons.
Transi ti ons can be w or ds, phrases, or cl auses (or even sentences).
Transition Words
Transi ti on w or ds ar e standar d ter m s that i ndi cate standar d l ogi cal r el ati onshi ps
betw een i deas. Ex am pl es i ncl ude “ther ef or e” and “thus” (concl usi ons), “f or
ex am pl e” (ex am pl e), “f i r st” (sequence), “i n addi ti on” (addi ti on), “i n contrast”
(contrast), and “how ever ” (di f f er ence). Thus, transi ti on “w or ds” can be
phrases, such as “f or ex am pl e,” “i n addi ti on,” “i n contrast,” and even “on the
other hand.”
To see how i m por tant transi ti on w or ds ar e i n gui di ng your under standi ng of

sentences and paragraphs, r ead each of the f ol l ow i ng ex am pl es both w i th and
w i thout the under l i ned w or ds.
Example 3.20
Transition words within a sentence

The l y m phocy tes that i nf i l trate the al veol ar wal l s i n thi s r ejecti on phase ar e
l i kel y to be conveyed by the bl ood, because they i nf i l trate al l al veol ar wal l s
sy nchr onousl y al l over the l ungs.
Both of these hi ghdensi tyl i popr otei nassoci ated pr otei ns ar e i ni ti al l y

sy nthesi zed as pr otei ns and ther ef or e under go both co and posttransl ati onal
pr oteol y si s.
Al though i ndi v i dual r esi dues i n the r epeatedsequence bl ock s i n the cor e have
di ver ged, the patter ns of am i no aci ds ar e i denti cal .
Transition words between sentences

By w i deni ng our f ocus to the enti r e trachea, w e w er e abl e to see that m ost
gangl i on cel l bodi es (72%) ar e l ocated i n the neural pl ex uses associ ated w i th
the tracheal i s m uscl e and subm ucosal gl ands, and onl y a sm al l pr opor ti on
(28%) ar e l ocated al ong the l ongi tudi nal ner ve tr unk s. Fur ther m or e, w e w er e
abl e to see that m ost of the gangl i a i n the super f i ci al m uscl e and gl and
pl ex uses contai n onl y 1–4 gangl i on cel l bodi es (average, 2. 8 gangl i on cel l
bodi es).
P. 72
Thus, pr ev i ousl y r epor ted gangl i a al ong the l ongi tudi nal ner ve tr unk that
contai n 10–20 gangl i on cel l bodi es ar e not ty pi cal of m ost tracheal gangl i a.
In Ex am pl e 3. 20, i f any of the under l i ned w or ds w er e om i tted, the l ogi cal

r el ati onshi p w oul d be di f f i cul t to see, and the stor y of the paragraph w oul d be
di f f i cul t to f ol l ow. For ex am pl e, i f “because” w er e om i tted f r om the f i r st
sentence i n Ex am pl e 3. 20, the r eader m i ght be abl e to f i gur e out that “they
i nf i l trate…” i s the r eason that l y m phocy tes ar e l i kel y to be conveyed by the
bl ood, or m i ght not. But the poi nt i s that the r eader shoul d not have to
constr uct the stor y of the paragraph. It i s the w r i ter 's job to m ake the stor y
cl ear.
In the nex t sentence i n Ex am pl e 3. 20, i f “ther ef or e” w er e om i tted, the l ogi c

w oul d be destr oyed. A r eader cannot be ex pected to i nvent a causeef f ect
r el ati onshi p w her e onl y “and” i s w r i tten. So i f under goi ng pr oteol y si s i s a
consequence of bei ng sy nthesi zed as a pr otei n, the transi ti on w or d “ther ef or e”
m ust be i ncl uded.
The stor y of a paragraph (or a paper ) i s not si m pl y w hat the sentences ar e

say i ng. It i s al so w hat the sentences ar e doi ng, that i s, w hat thei r f uncti on i s—
gi v i ng a r eason, addi ng a detai l , concl udi ng, or w hatever. The r eader m ust
under stand both w hat each sentence say s and w hat i ts f uncti on i s i n or der to
under stand the stor y. That i s w hy transi ti on w or ds ar e so i m por tant.
P. 73
EXERCISE 3.5: THE VALUE OF TRANSITIONS

Be low a re thre e ve rs ions of tw o s e nte nc e s from a Me thods s e c tion. For
e a c h ve rs ion, s ta te (1) w ha t the logic a l re la tions hip of the s e c ond
s e nte nc e to the firs t s e nte nc e is a nd (2) how you k now w ha t the
re la tions hip is .
Ve rs ion 1
The mic ros phe re s w e re pre pa re d for inje c tion a s pre vious ly de s c ribe d (2).
The y w e re the n s us pe nde d in 1 ml of de x tra n s olution in a gla s s inje c tion
via l tha t w a s c onne c te d to the a ppropria te c a the te r a nd to a s yringe
c onta ining 4 ml of s a line .
Re la tions hip:
How Y ou Know :
P. 74
Ve rs ion 2
In brie f, the y w e re s us pe nde d in 1 ml of de x tra n s olution in a gla s s
inje c tion via l tha t w a s c onne c te d to the a ppropria te c a the te r a nd to a
s yringe c onta ining 4 ml of s a line .
Re la tions hip:
How Y ou Know :
Ve rs ion 3
The y w e re s us pe nde d in 1 ml of de x tra n s olution in a gla s s inje c tion via l
tha t w a s c onne c te d to the a ppropria te c a the te r a nd to a s yringe
c onta ining 4 ml of s a line .
Re la tions hip:
How Y ou Know :
Hi de Answ er
1. Re la tions hip: The second sentence gi v es the nex t

step.
How you “Then” i m pl i es the nex t step.

k now :
2. Re la tions hip: The second sentence ex pl ai ns how

the m i cr ospher es w er e pr epar ed.
How you “In br i ef ” i m pl i es an ex pl anati on.

k now :
N ote that f r equentl y peopl e use “br i ef l y ” f or “i n br i ef . ” Al so

note that i f “br i ef l y ” m eant “f or a shor t ti m e, ” the sentence
w oul d be w r i tten “They w er e suspended br i ef l y i n 1 m l of
dex tr an sol uti on… . ” How ev er , i t i s better to speci f y the
dur ati on of the suspensi on: “They w er e suspended f or 5 s i n
1 m l of dex tr an sol uti on… . ”
3. Re la tions hip: Har d to tel l .
How you N o tr ansi ti on w or d.

k now :
Ev en though m ost r eader s m i ght guess r i ght (“i n br i ef ” i s the

tr ue r el ati onshi p), the poi nt i s that the r eader shoul d not be
guessi ng. U si ng the appr opr i ate tr ansi ti on w or d m ak es the
l ogi cal r el ati onshi p i ncapabl e of bei ng m i sunder stood.
Transition Phrases
Som eti m es no transi ti on w or d ex i sts to m ake a transi ti on that the author
wants. For ex am pl e, i n Ex am pl e 3. 21 (= begi nni ng of Ex am pl e 3. 1), no
transi ti on w or d ex i sts that can i ndi cate the l ogi cal r el ati onshi p betw een
sentences B and C. We cannot use “For ex am pl e” or “Fi r st” or “In addi ti on” or
“Ther ef or e” or “In br i ef ” or “Accor di ngl y ” i n pl ace of “In thi s theor y.” (Tr y
substi tuti ng these w or ds i n Ex am pl e 3. 21. )
Example 3.21:
Transi ti on Phrase Begi nni ng w i th a Pr eposi ti on
ATher e ar e thr ee di f f er ent theor i es put f or war d f or the ver y sl ow r el ax ati on of

catch m uscl es of m ol l uscs. BOne theor y hol ds that catch i s due to som e unusual
pr oper ty of myosi n i n these m uscl es that pr oduces a sl ow rate of detachm ent
(12). CIn thi s theor y, paramyosi n w oul d have no speci al r ol e beyond that of
pr ov i di ng the l ong scaf f ol di ng on w hi ch the myosi n i s posi ti oned as w el l as the
m echani cal str ength f or the l ar ge tensi ons devel oped.
When no transi ti on w or d ex i sts, w e need a transi ti on phrase to m ake the stor y

i n the paragraph cl ear. A transi ti on phrase i s usual l y a pr eposi ti onal phrase or
el se an i nf i ni ti ve phrase that the w r i ter m akes up to i ndi cate the l ogi cal
r el ati onshi p betw een tw o sentences.
Prepositional Phrase
A pr eposi ti onal phrase used as a transi ti on phrase connects sentences i n thr ee
way s. Fi r st, the pr eposi ti on i tsel f (her e, “i n”) i ndi cates a l ogi cal r el ati onshi p
(goi ng i nto detai l ). Second, the object of the pr eposi ti on (“thi s theor y ”)
com pl etes the l ogi c (In w hat? In thi s theor y ). Fi nal l y, the object of the
pr eposi ti on al so r epeats a key ter m , thus f ur ther connecti ng the tw o sentences.
The i m pl i cati on of “In thi s theor y ” i s that the author i s goi ng to gi ve m or e
detai l s about the theor y m enti oned i n sentences A and B.
Another ex am pl e of a pr eposi ti onal phrase used as a transi ti on phrase i s

Ex am pl e 3. 20 (= Ex am pl e 2. 13, Rev i si on B).
Example 3.22:
AOur ai m was to assess the m echani sm s i nvol ved i n the benef i ci al ef f ects of
hydral azi ne on ventr i cul ar f uncti on i n pati ents w ho have chr oni c aor ti c
i nsuf f i ci ency. BFor thi s assessm ent, w e di d a radi onucl i de study of ventr i cul ar
f uncti on i n 15 pati ents at r est and dur i ng supi ne exer ci se.
In Ex am pl e 3. 22, the transi ti on phrase i s “f or thi s assessm ent.” “For ” (the

pr eposi ti on) i ndi cates pur pose. “Thi s assessm ent” (the object of the
pr eposi ti on) com pl etes the l ogi c (For w hat? For thi s assessm ent) and f ur ther
connects the tw o sentences by r epeati ng the key ter m “assess” f r om sentence
A. Thus, thi s transi ti on phrase i ndi cates that the author s ar e goi ng to tel l how
they m ade the assessm ent.
In Ex am pl e 3. 23 (= Rev i si on B of Ex am pl e 2. 17), the transi ti on phrase consi sts

of tw o pr eposi ti onal phrases.
Example 3.23:
Ty son et al . abr uptl y occl uded the venae cavae bef or e anal y zi ng the hear t
beats. As a r esul t of thi s occl usi on, the vol um e of the r i ght hear t rapi dl y
i ncr eased.
P. 75
In Ex am pl e 3. 23, the f i r st pr eposi ti onal phrase i s “As a r esul t” and the second
one i s “of thi s occl usi on.” (We coul d al so r ead “As a r esul t of ” as a si ngl e
pr eposi ti on and “thi s occl usi on” as i ts object. )
Infinitive Phrase
A transi ti on phrase can al so be an i nf i ni ti ve phrase, as i n Ex am pl e 3. 24. Li ke
transi ti on phrases begi nni ng w i th the pr eposi ti on “f or,” transi ti on phrases
begi nni ng w i th an i nf i ni ti ve i ndi cate pur pose.
Example 3.24:
Transi ti on Phrase Begi nni ng w i th an Inf i ni ti ve
The ef f ects of i ntraar ter i al pr essur e gradi ents on steadystate ci r cum f l ex

pr essur ef l ow r el ati ons der i ved dur i ng l ong di astol es w er e ex am i ned i n f i ve
dogs. To obtai n each pr essur ef l ow poi nt, w e f i r st set m ean ci r cum f l ex pr essur e
to the desi r ed l evel and then ar r ested the hear t by tur ni ng of f the pacem aker.
In Ex am pl e 3. 24, the i nf i ni ti ve i s “to obtai n,” w hi ch i ndi cates pur pose. The
object of the i nf i ni ti ve (“each pr essur ef l ow poi nt”) com pl etes the l ogi c (To
obtai n w hat?) and f ur ther connects the tw o sentences by r epeati ng the key ter m
“pr essur ef l ow.”
As these f our ex am pl es show, a transi ti on phrase i s a pr eposi ti onal phrase or

an i nf i ni ti ve phrase that the w r i ter m akes up to i ndi cate the r el ati onshi p
betw een sentences. A transi ti on phrase can be shor t or l ong, dependi ng on w hat
the w r i ter wants to say and on the com pl ex i ty of the r el ati onshi p betw een the
tw o sentences. Shor ter i s usual l y cl ear er.
P. 76
EXERCISE 3.6: TRANSITION PHRASES

In the pa ra gra ph be low , the logic a l re la tions hip be tw e e n s e nte nc e s B
a nd C is not c le a r. W he n w e re a d s e nte nc e C, w e a s k ours e lve s , “ Approa c h
to w ha t?”
To ma k e the re la tions hip be tw e e n s e nte nc e s B a nd C c le a r, a dd a

tra ns ition phra s e a t the be ginning of s e nte nc e C. Y our tra ns ition phra s e
s hould re pe a t one or more k e y te rms from s e nte nc e A or B, or both.
AHe pa toc yte s c ulture d in tis s ue s lic e s , w he re c e ll c onta c ts a nd tis s ue

orga niza tion a re la rge ly re ta ine d, c ontinue tis s ue s pe c ific tra ns c ription a t
ne a rly norma l le ve ls in c ulture me dia . BHow e ve r, he pa toc yte s grow n in
c e ll c ulture , w he re c e ll c onta c ts a nd tis s ue orga niza tion a re dis rupte d,
ha ve s e ve re ly a lte re d le ve ls of tra ns c ription. COne a pproa c h ha s be e n to
c ombine e x tra c e llula r ma trix w ith pure he pa toc yte s in c ulture .
Hi de Answ er
AHepatocy tes cul tur ed i n ti ssue sl i ces, w her e cel l contacts and ti ssue
or gani zati on ar e l ar gel y r etai ned, conti nue ti ssuespeci f i c
transcr i pti on at near l y nor m al l evel s i n cul tur e m edi a. BHow ever,
hepatocy tes gr ow n i n cel l cul tur e, w her e cel l contacts and ti ssue
or gani zati on ar e di sr upted, have sever el y al ter ed l evel s of
transcr i pti on. CTo avoi d al ter ed l evel s of transcr i pti on, one appr oach
has been to com bi ne ex tracel l ul ar m atr i x w i th pur e hepatocy tes i n
cul tur e.
OR: CTo ma inta in norma l tra ns c ription,
COne a pproa c h us e d to ma inta in norma l le ve ls of tra ns c ription

ha s be e n… . (Thi s i s a tr ansi ti on cl ause. )
“N or m al ” r epeats a k ey ter m f r om sentence A i n addi ti on to r epeati ng

“tr anscr i pti on” f r om A and B.
P. 77
Transition Clauses
Transi ti on cl auses, l i ke transi ti on phrases, keep the stor y of a paragraph goi ng
by stati ng the l ogi cal r el ati onshi p betw een tw o sentences. The onl y di f f er ence
i s i n the f or m : a transi ti on cl ause uses a subject and ver b to i ndi cate the
l ogi cal r el ati onshi p betw een i deas, w her eas a transi ti on phrase uses a
pr eposi ti on or an i nf i ni ti ve and an object. The subject i n the transi ti on cl ause,
l i ke the object i n a transi ti on phrase, i s usual l y a r epeated key ter m .
In Ex am pl e 3. 25, the r el ati onshi p betw een sentences A and B i s not cl ear. Why
ar e w e hear i ng about l i gands acti vati ng G pr otei n–coupl ed r eceptor s?
Example 3.25
AConsi derabl e ev i dence i ndi cates that heter otr i m er i c (α, β, γ ) G pr otei ns ar e
i nvol ved i n si gnal i ng pathway s that sti m ul ate m i togenesi s and thus contr i bute
to neopl asti c gr ow th (1–3). BMany l i gands that acti vate G pr otei n–coupl ed
r eceptor s, i ncl udi ng bom besi n (4), l y sophosphati di c aci d (LPA) (5),
acety l chol i ne (6), and ser otoni n (5HT) (7), have m i togeni c ef f ects. CMor eover,
per tussi s tox i n bl ock s the m i togeni c ef f ects of thr ee of these l i gands [bom besi n
(8), LPA (9), and 5HT (10)] and al so of thr om bi n (11) and phosphati di c aci d
(12).
The l ogi c of the stor y i n Ex am pl e 3. 25 i s “Consi derabl e ev i dence i ndi cates X.

Her e i s som e of that ev i dence.” To m ake thi s l ogi c cl ear, w e can add a
transi ti on cl ause at the begi nni ng of sentence B.
Revision
AConsi derabl e ev i dence i ndi cates that heter otr i m er i c (α, β, γ ) G pr otei ns ar e
i nvol ved i n si gnal i ng pathway s that sti m ul ate m i togenesi s and thus contr i bute
to neopl asti c gr ow th (1–3). BEvide nc e for s timula tion of mitoge ne s is is tha t
m any l i gands that acti vate G pr otei n–coupl ed r eceptor s, i ncl udi ng bom besi n (4),
l y sophosphati di c aci d (LPA) (5), acety l chol i ne (6), and ser otoni n (5HT) (7),
have m i togeni c ef f ects. CMor eover, per tussi s tox i n bl ock s the m i togeni c ef f ects
of thr ee of these l i gands [bom besi n (8), LPA (9), and 5HT (10)] and al so of
thr om bi n (11) and phosphati di c aci d (12).
In the r ev i si on, addi ng a transi ti on cl ause cl ar i f i es the stor y i n the paragraph

by i ndi cati ng the r el ati onshi p betw een sentences A and B. The transi ti on cl ause
i ndi cates the r el ati onshi p i n tw o way s: by usi ng the subject “ev i dence” and the
ver b “i s” to i denti f y the ty pe of i nf or m ati on bei ng gi ven i n sentence B and by
r epeati ng thr ee key ter m s f r om sentence A (“ev i dence,” “sti m ul ati on,” and
“m i togenesi s”).
Her e i s another ex am pl e.
Example 3.26
AOur f i ndi ngs dem onstrate that i n pati ents w i th cl i ni cal l y m oderate to sever e
congesti ve hear t f ai l ur e and l ef t ventr i cul ar dy sf uncti on, the ar ter i ol ar
vasodi l ator hydral azi ne pr oduces si gni f i cant hem ody nam i c benef i ts i ndependent
of the pr esence or absence of m i tral r egur gi tati on. B We f ound si gni f i cant
i ncr eases i n car di ac i ndex , str oke vol um e i ndex , and str oke w or k i ndex , and
si gni f i cant decr eases i n sy stem i c vascul ar r esi stance i n al l pati ents. C These
benef i ci al ef f ects w er e gr eatest i n pati ents w ho had docum ented sever e to
m oderate m i tral r egur gi tati on, i nter m edi ate i n those w ho had m i l d to no
appar ent m i tral r egur gi tati on, and sm al l est i n pati ents w ho had com petent
m i tral val ve pr ostheses and ther ef or e no m i tral r egur gi tati on.
P. 78
The pr obl em i n f ol l ow i ng the stor y i n Ex am pl e 3. 26 i s si m i l ar to the pr obl em i n
Ex am pl e 3. 25: w e do not k now w hy w e ar e hear i ng the l i st of i ncr eases and
decr eases.
Revision
AOur f i ndi ngs dem onstrate that i n pati ents w i th cl i ni cal l y m oderate to sever e
congesti ve hear t f ai l ur e and l ef t ventr i cul ar dy sf uncti on, the ar ter i ol ar
vasodi l ator hydral azi ne pr oduces si gni f i cant hem ody nam i c benef i ts i ndependent
of the pr esence or absence of m i tral r egur gi tati on. BThe be ne fits w e f ound
w e re si gni f i cant i ncr eases i n car di ac i ndex , str oke vol um e i ndex , and str oke
w or k i ndex , and si gni f i cant decr eases i n sy stem i c vascul ar r esi stance i n al l
pati ents. CThese be ne fits w er e gr eatest i n pati ents w ho had docum ented
sever e to m oderate m i tral r egur gi tati on, i nter m edi ate i n those w ho had m i l d to
no appar ent m i tral r egur gi tati on, and sm al l est i n pati ents w ho had com petent
m i tral val ve pr ostheses and ther ef or e no m i tral r egur gi tati on.
Addi ng the transi ti on cl ause “the benef i ts w er e” to sentence B r el ates sentence

B to sentence A by i denti f y i ng the l i st of i ncr eases and decr eases as “benef i ts,”
w hi ch i s a key ter m r epeated f r om sentence A. Thus, w e ar e hear i ng the l i st of
i ncr eases and decr eases because they ar e the benef i ts m enti oned i n sentence
A. Hav i ng an ex pl i ci t statem ent r el ati ng the tw o sentences m akes i t easi er f or
the r eader to f ol l ow the stor y.
Transition Phrases and Clauses That Do Not Repeat

a Key Term
The transi ti on phrases and cl auses that w e have l ooked at so f ar al l i ncl ude at
l east one r epeated key ter m . How ever, i t i s al so possi bl e to have a transi ti on
phrase or cl ause that does not contai n a r epeated key ter m . Instead, the
transi ti on phrase or cl ause m ay use a categor y ter m . An ex am pl e i s the
transi ti on phrase i n sentence D of Ex am pl e 3. 4 at the begi nni ng of thi s chapter :
“To i nter pr et these data.” “Data” i s the categor y ter m f or “60%” and “7 pm ol .”
It i s al so possi bl e f or a transi ti on phrase or cl ause not to i ncl ude ei ther a
r epeated key ter m or a categor y ter m . Ex am pl es ar e “As a r esul t” (transi ti on
phrase), w hi ch coul d be used i nstead of “As a r esul t of thi s occl usi on” i n
Ex am pl e 3. 23 above, and “One r eason i s that” (transi ti on cl ause).
In the transi ti on cl auses i n Ex am pl es 3. 25 and 3. 26, the ver b i s a “to be” ver b
(“i s” or “w er e”). How ever, the ver b i n a transi ti on cl ause does not have to be a
“to be” ver b. For ex am pl es of transi ti on cl auses that use other ver bs, pl ease
see Ex am pl e 3. 4 above (sentences B, C, E, F).
The Strength of Transitions

Transi ti on phrases and cl auses ar e str onger than transi ti on w or ds because they
ar e l onger. If they r epeat a key ter m f r om the pr ev i ous sentence(s), thei r
str ength i s even gr eater.
The Placement of Transitions

Conti nui ty i s str ongest and the stor y i n a paragraph i s cl ear est w hen transi ti on
w or ds, phrases, and cl auses ar e pl aced at the begi nni ng of a sentence.
P. 79
Transitions as a StoryTelling Technique

Transi ti ons, w hether they ar e w or ds, phrases, or cl auses, al ong w i th topi c
sentences ar e the m ai n techni ques f or tel l i ng a stor y i n a paragraph and
thr oughout a paper. The topi c sentences and transi ti ons together pr ov i de the
l ogi cal f ram ew or k agai nst w hi ch the detai l s m ake sense. For r eader s w ho ar e
ver y f am i l i ar w i th a f i el d of sci ence, the f ram ew or k of the f i el d i s i n thei r
heads, so they can easi l y suppl y a f ram ew or k as needed. For r eader s l ess
f am i l i ar w i th a f i el d of sci ence, the f ram ew or k m ust be suppl i ed. The m ost
usef ul thi ngs a w r i ter can do to m ake the stor y of a paragraph (or a paper )
cl ear ar e to w r i te topi c sentences and transi ti ons as needed to i ndi cate the
l ogi cal f ram ew or k of the stor y, and to r epeat and l i nk key ter m s so that the
topi cs of the paragraph ar e cl ear.
P. 80
EXERCISE 3.7: TRANSITION CLAUSES

Ex a mple 1
In Ex a mple 1, the logic a l re la tions hip be tw e e n s e nte nc e s A, B, a nd C is not

c le a r. To ma k e the re la tions hip c le a r, a dd a tra ns ition c la us e a t the
be ginning of s e nte nc e B tha t link s s e nte nc e B to s e nte nc e A a nd pre pa re s
for s e nte nc e C.
The tra ns ition c la us e you a dd a t the be ginning of s e nte nc e B s hould

inc lude a k e y te rm from s e nte nc e A a nd a k e y te rm from s e nte nc e C. In
your re vis ion, pa tte rn s e nte nc e B on s e nte nc e C. (Ma k e s e nte nc e B pa ra lle l
to s e nte nc e C. )
One w a y to ide ntify the logic a l re la tions hip be tw e e n s e nte nc e s A a nd B is

to w ork ba c k w a rd from the tra ns ition c la us e a t the be ginning of s e nte nc e
C: if C de s c ribe s the prima ry (ma in) limita tion, w ha t mus t B be de s c ribing?
Anothe r w a y to ide ntify the logic a l re la tions hip be tw e e n s e nte nc e s A a nd B

is to figure out the pa tte rn of orga niza tion in this pa ra gra ph. Se nte nc e A
pre s e nts a pote ntia l s olution. Se nte nc e C pre s e nts a proble m w ith
(limita tion to) this pote ntia l s olution. How doe s s e nte nc e B fit into this
pa tte rn?
AXe noge ne ic tra ns pla nta tion, or the tra ns pla nta tion of orga ns be tw e e n
s pe c ie s , is a pote ntia l s olution to the s e ve re s horta ge of donor orga ns for
c linic a l tra ns pla nta tion [1, 2]. BChronic immunologic re je c tion of
x e nogra fts is me dia te d by a numbe r of diffe re nt pa thw a ys , inc luding both
c e llula r a nd humora l pa thw a ys [3]. CHow e ve r, the prima ry limita tion to
x e nogra ft tra ns pla nta tion be tw e e n w ide ly dis pa ra te s pe c ie s is hype ra c ute
re je c tion, w hic h is trigge re d by the re c ipie nt's na tura l a ntibodie s dire c te d
a ga ins t the donor's e ndothe lia l c e lls [4].
Hi de Answ er
EXAMP LE 1
The patter n of or gani zati on of thi s par agr aph i s “sol uti on–pr obl em . ”
Sentence A states a potenti al sol uti on. Sentences B and C descr i be
l i m i tati ons of (pr obl em s w i th) thi s sol uti on. So the tr ansi ti on cl ause
at the begi nni ng of sentence B shoul d state that sentence B descr i bes
a l i m i tati on.
Re vis ion 1 (Adds a transi ti on cl ause)
AXenogenei c transpl antati on, or the transpl antati on of or gans

betw een speci es, i s a potenti al sol uti on to the sever e shor tage of
donor or gans f or cl i ni cal transpl antati on [1, 2]. BOne limita tion to
x e noge ne ic tra ns pla nta tion i s chr oni c i m m unol ogi c r ejecti on, w hic h
i s m edi ated by both cel l ul ar and hum oral pathway s [3]. CHow ever,
the pr i m ar y l i m i tati on i s hy peracute r ejecti on, w hi ch i s tr i gger ed by
the r eci pi ent's natural anti bodi es di r ected agai nst the donor 's
endothel i al cel l s [4].
The end of sentence B i s condensed. N ote al so that the k ey ter m

“x enogenei c” i s r epeated ex actl y i n sentence B.
In sentence C, r epeated w or ds (“to x enogenei c tr anspl antati on”) ar e

om i tted.
OR: BA limita tion of x e noge ne ic tra ns pla nta tion tha t pre ve nts
e x te ns ive us e i s
BThis pote ntia l s olution is limite d by

CHow e ve r, in w ide ly dis pa ra te s pe c ie s , a more importa nt
limita tion i s
Re vis ion (U ses a second topi c sentence—sentence B—

2 f ol l ow ed by a transi ti on cl ause at the begi nni ng
of sentence C)
AXenogenei c transpl antati on, or the transpl antati on of or gans

betw een speci es, i s a potenti al sol uti on to the sever e shor tage of
donor or gans f or cl i ni cal transpl antati on [1, 2]. BHow e ve r,
x e noge ne ic tra ns pla nta tion ha s tw o limita tions . COne limita tion
is chr oni c i m m unol ogi c r ejecti on, w hi ch i s m edi ated by both cel l ul ar
and hum oral pathway s [3]. CThe pr i m ar y l i m i tati on i s hy peracute
r ejecti on, w hi ch i s tr i gger ed by the r eci pi ent's natural anti bodi es
di r ected agai nst the donor 's endothel i al cel l s [4].
Re vis ion (Reor gani zes the suppor ti ng sentences: m ost to

3 l east i m por tant and si m ul taneousl y
chr onol ogi cal or der )
AXenogenei c transpl antati on (the transpl antati on of or gans betw een

speci es) i s a potenti al sol uti on to the sever e shor tage of donor
or gans f or cl i ni cal transpl antati on [1, 2]. BP re s e ntly, the prima ry
limita tion to x e noge ne ic tra ns pla nta tion is hype ra c ute re je c tion,
w hi ch i s tr i gger ed by the r eci pi ent's natural anti bodi es di r ected
agai nst the donor 's endothel i al cel l s [3]. CIn a ddition, in the long
te rm, x e noge ne ic tra ns pla nta tion is limite d by c hronic re je c tion,
w hi ch i s m edi ated by both cel l ul ar and hum oral pathway s [4].
OR: CEve n if this a c ute re je c tion is a voide d,

P. 81
Ex a mple 2
In Ex a mple 2, the logic a l c onne c tion be tw e e n s e nte nc e s A a nd B is not

c le a r. (The s a me logic a c tua lly c onne c ts s e nte nc e A w ith s e nte nc e s B, C,
a nd D. ) To ma k e the c onne c tion c le a r, omit “ It ha s pre vious ly be e n
re porte d tha t” a nd a dd a tra ns ition c la us e a t the be ginning of B tha t
s ta te s the logic a l re la tions hip be tw e e n s e nte nc e s A a nd B. Y our tra ns ition
s hould re pe a t one or more k e y te rms tha t a ppe a r in s e nte nc e A.
AAnothe r que s tion tha t fre que ntly a ris e s w he n w e try to inc re a s e a poB
s e c re tion by he pa toc yte s grow n in c ulture is w he the r or not a lbumin
s hould be inc lude d in the c ulture me dium. BIt ha s pre vious ly be e n re porte d
tha t a lbumin a ppe a rs to be a n e ffe c tive s ink for tox ic produc ts re le a s e d
into the me dium by da ma ge d c e lls (re f). CAls o, a lbumin s olubilize s w a te r
ins oluble longc ha in fa tty a c ids by c omple x ing w ith the m (re f), thus
ra is ing the lipid le ve l in the c ulture me dium. DThe re fore , a lbumin c ould
inc re a s e a poB s e c re tion, w hic h de pe nds on lipid le ve ls in the me dium.
EW e the re fore te s te d the e ffe c t of diffe re nt c onc e ntra tions of fe ta l bovine
s e rum a lbumin (from 0 to 15% v/v) on the le ve l of a poB s e c re te d in the
c ulture me dium a nd de te rmine d tha t 6. 5% (v/v) is the ide a l c onc e ntra tion
for our purpos e s .
Hi de Answ er
The patter n of or gani zati on of thi s par agr aph i s “pr o. ” So the
tr ansi ti on cl ause at the begi nni ng of sentence B shoul d state that the
suppor ti ng sentences gi v e ar gum ents i n f av or of i ncl udi ng al bum i n i n
the cul tur e m edi um .
Re vis ion 1
AAnother questi on that f r equentl y ar i ses w hen w e tr y to i ncr ease

apoB secr eti on by hepatocy tes gr ow n i n cul tur e i s w hether or not
al bum i n shoul d be i ncl uded i n the cul tur e m edi um . BOne a rgume nt in
fa vor of inc luding a lbumin is tha t al bum i n appear s to be an
ef f ecti ve si nk f or tox i c pr oducts r el eased i nto the m edi um by
dam aged cel l s (r ef ). CAnothe r a rgume nt is tha t al bum i n sol ubi l i zes
water i nsol ubl e l ongchai n f atty aci ds by com pl ex i ng w i th them (r ef ),
thus rai si ng the l i pi d l evel i n the cul tur e m edi um . DTher ef or e,
al bum i n coul d i ncr ease apoB secr eti on, w hi ch depends on l i pi d l evel s
i n the m edi um . EWe ther ef or e tested di f f er ent concentrati ons of f etal
bov i ne ser um al bum i n (f r om 0 to 15%, v /v ) on the l evel of apoB
secr eted i n the cul tur e m edi um and deter m i ned that 6. 5% (v /v ) i s the
i deal concentrati on f or our pur poses.
OR: B Evide nc e for inc luding a lbumin is tha t… . CFurthe r e vide nc e

is tha t… .
B One a dva nta ge of inc luding a lbumin is tha t… . CAnother

advantage i s… .
B In s upport of inc luding a lbumin, (Thi s i s a tr ansi ti on phr ase. )

a lbumin a ppe a rs … . CIn a ddition, … .
Re vis ion 2

al bum i n shoul d be i ncl uded i n the cul tur e m edi um . BTw o a rgume nts
s upport inc luding a lbumin. COne a rgume nt is tha t al bum i n appear s
to be an ef f ecti ve si nk f or tox i c pr oducts r el eased i nto the m edi um by
dam aged cel l s (r ef ). DAnothe r a rgume nt is tha t al bum i n sol ubi l i zes
water i nsol ubl e l ongchai n f atty aci ds by com pl ex i ng w i th them (r ef ),
thus rai si ng the l i pi d l evel i n the cul tur e m edi um . ETher ef or e,
al bum i n coul d i ncr ease apoB secr eti on, w hi ch depends on l i pi d l evel s
i n the m edi um . É Si nce al bum i n appear s l i kel y to be usef ul i n the
cul tur e m edi um , the nex t questi on i s w hat the i deal concentrati on i s
f or m ax i m al secr eti on of apoB. FWe ther ef or e tested di f f er ent
concentrati ons of f etal bov i ne ser um al bum i n (f r om 0 to 15%, v /v ) on
the l evel of apoB secr eted i n the cul tur e m edi um and deter m i ned
that 6. 5% (v /v ) i s the i deal concentrati on f or our pur poses.
Sentence B i s a topi c sentence.
Sentences C and D begi n w i th tr ansi ti on cl auses.
Sentence É adds a m i ssi ng step i n the l ogi c.
OR: B Tw o findings s upport… One finding is tha t… The othe r

finding is tha t… ”
B Tw o a dva nta ge s of inc luding a lbumin ha ve be e n re porte d. One

a dva nta ge is … . ”
Re vis ion 3

al bum i n shoul d be i ncl uded i n the cul tur e m edi um . B In s upport of
inc luding a lbumin, a lbumin ha s be e n found to be be ne fic ia l to
c e lls in c ulture , a nd pa rtic ula rly for a poB s e c re tion. C One of the
be ne fits is tha t al bum i n appear s to be an ef f ecti ve si nk f or tox i c
pr oducts r el eased i nto the m edi um by dam aged cel l s (r ef ). D In
addi ti on, al bum i n sol ubi l i zes water i nsol ubl e l ongchai n f atty aci ds by
com pl ex i ng w i th them (r ef ), thus rai si ng the l i pi d l evel i n the cul tur e
m edi um . ETher ef or e, al bum i n coul d i ncr ease apoB secr eti on, w hi ch
depends on l i pi d l evel s i n the m edi um . F We ther ef or e tested the
ef f ect of di f f er ent concentrati ons of f etal bov i ne ser um al bum i n (f r om
0 to 15%, v /v ) on the l evel of apoB secr eted i n the cul tur e m edi um
and deter m i ned that 6. 5% (v /v ) i s the i deal concentrati on f or our
pur poses.
Sentence B begi ns w i th a tr ansi ti on phr ase and ends w i th a topi c

sentence. The tr ansi ti on phr ase states the l ogi cal r el ati onshi p
betw een sentences A and B. The topi c sentence gi v es an ov er v i ew of
sentences C–E by stati ng speci f i c r easons f or i ncl udi ng al bum i n i n the
cul tur e m edi um . In addi ti on to r epeati ng f our k ey ter m s f r om
sentence A, the topi c sentence i ntr oduces another k ey ter m that
appear s i n sentence C.
Sentence C begi ns w i th a tr ansi ti on cl ause, w hi ch cr eates conti nui ty

f r om B to C by r epeati ng the k ey ter m “benef i ts. ”
P. 82
Ex a mple 3
In Ex a mple 3, a fte r re a ding s e nte nc e A, w e e x pe c t to find out w he the r LDL
a nd HDL re gula te the phos phoinos itide /c a lc ium c a s c a de a nd e x oc ytos is .
But in s e nte nc e s B a nd C, it is not e a s y to te ll if this que s tion ha s be e n
a ns w e re d.
1. At the be ginning of s e nte nc e B, a dd a tra ns ition c la us e tha t indic a te s

tha t w e a re he a ring re s ults tha t le a d to the a ns w e r.
2. In s e nte nc e s B a nd C, to c la rify how the de ta ils in B a nd C a re re la te d

to the que s tion in A, re pe a t k e y te rms , link k e y te rms , or us e a
tra ns ition phra s e .
Note s :
1. P hos phoinos itide c a ta bolis m, c a lc ium mobiliza tion, a nd tra ns loc a tion
of prote in k ina s e C from c ytos olic to me mbra ne c ompa rtme nts a re
thre e s te ps in the phos phoinos itide /c a lc ium c a s c a de .
2. Ex oc ytos is re s ults in s e c re tion of phos pha tidylc holine .
AW e a s k e d w he the r low de ns ity lipoprote ins (LDL) a nd highde ns ity

lipoprote ins (HDL) from s e rum re gula te the phos phoinos itide /c a lc ium
c a s c a de a nd e x oc ytos is . BBoth LDL a nd HDL s timula te d prima ry c ulture s of
type II c e lls to s e c re te phos pha tidylc holine (P C), the ma jor phos pholipid
c ompone nt of pulmona ry s urfa c ta nt. CBe fore s timula ting P C s e c re tion, LDL
a nd HDL s timula te d phos phoinos itide c a ta bolis m, c a lc ium mobiliza tion,
a nd tra ns loc a tion of prote in k ina s e C from c ytos olic to me mbra ne
c ompa rtme nts . DHe pa rin, w hic h bloc k s the binding of liga nds to the LDL
re c e ptor, bloc k e d the e ffe c ts of LDL on the phos phoinos itide /c a lc ium
c a s c a de a nd P C s e c re tion, but did not inhibit the e ffe c ts of HDL.
Hi de Answ er
Re vis ion 1
AWe asked w hether l owdensi ty l i popr otei ns (LDL) and hi ghdensi ty

l i popr otei ns (HDL) f r om ser um r egul ate the phosphoi nosi ti de/cal ci um
cascade and exocy tosi s. BW e found tha t, i n pr i m ar y cul tur es of ty pe
II cel l s, both LDL and HDL sti m ul ated thre e s te ps in the
phos phoinos itide /c a lc ium c a s c a de : phosphoi nosi ti de catabol i sm ,
cal ci um m obi l i zati on, and transl ocati on of pr otei n k i nase C f r om
cy tosol i c to m em brane com par tm ents. CIn a ddition, LDL and HDL
sti m ul ated e x oc ytos is , a s indic a te d by s e c re tion of
phosphati dy l chol i ne (PC), the m ajor phosphol i pi d com ponent of
pul m onar y sur f actant. DThe LDLinduc e d e ffe c ts , but not the HDL
induc e d e ffe c ts , w e re inhibite d by he pa rin, w hic h bloc k s binding
of liga nds to the LDL re c e ptor.
BTransi ti on cl ause; l i nk i ng key ter m s
CTransi ti on w or d; r epeti ti on of key ter m s; transi ti on phrase (“as

i ndi cated by ”)
DKey ter m r epeated ear l y
The or der of or i gi nal sentences B and C i s r ever sed, to agr ee w i th the

or der i n the topi c sentence.
Re vis ion 2
cascade and exocy tosi s. BW e found tha t, i n pr i m ar y cul tur es of ty pe
II cel l s, both LDL a nd HDL s timula te d the
phos phoinos itide /c a lc ium c a s c a de , a s indic a te d by the ir
a c tiva tion of phosphoi nosi ti de catabol i sm , cal ci um m obi l i zati on, and
transl ocati on of pr otei n k i nase C f r om cy tosol i c to m em brane
com par tm ents. CIn addi ti on, both LDL and HDL sti m ul ated
e x oc ytos is , a s indic a te d by s e c re tion of phosphati dy l chol i ne (PC),
the m ajor phosphol i pi d com ponent of pul m onar y sur f actant. DThe
LDLi nduced ef f ects on the phos phoinos itide /c a lc ium c a s c a de a nd
e x oc ytos is , but not the HDLi nduced ef f ects, w er e i nhi bi ted by
hepar i n, w hi ch bl ock s bi ndi ng of l i gands to the LDL r eceptor.
BTr ansi ti on cl ause; r epeti ti on of k ey ter m s; tr ansi ti on phr ase (“as

i ndi cated by ”)
Re vis ion 3

cascade and exocy tosi s. BWe f ound that, i n pr i m ar y cul tur es of ty pe
II cel l s, both LDL a nd HDL s timula te d this c a s c a de , s inc e both
induc e d phosphoi nosi ti de catabol i sm , cal ci um m obi l i zati on, and
transl ocati on of pr otei n k i nase C f r om cy tosol i c to m em brane
com par tm ents. CIn addi ti on, LDL and HDL sti m ul ated e x oc ytos is ,
s inc e both induc e d c e lls to s e c re te phosphati dy l chol i ne (PC), the
m ajor phosphol i pi d com ponent of pul m onar y sur f actant. DThe LDL
i nduced ef f ects, but not the HDLi nduced ef f ects, w er e i nhi bi ted by
hepar i n, w hi ch bl ock s bi ndi ng of l i gands to the LDL r eceptor.
BTr ansi ti on cl ause; r epeti ti on of k ey ter m s; tr ansi ti on cl ause (“si nce

both i nduced… ”)
P. 83
Keeping a Consistent Order

If you l i st tw o or m or e i tem s i n a topi c sentence and then go on to descr i be or
ex pl ai n them i n suppor ti ng sentences, k eep the sam e or der : i f the i tem s i n the
topi c sentence ar e A, B, C, the suppor ti ng sentences shoul d ex pl ai n f i r st A,
then B, and l ast C. Thus, the r eader 's ex pectati on i s f ul f i l l ed. Fur ther m or e, the
suppor ti ng sentences shoul d i ncl ude al l the i tem s m enti oned i n the topi c
sentence and shoul d not add any i tem s not m enti oned i n the topi c sentence.
To ensur e that the r eader k now s you ar e tal k i ng about the sam e thi ngs i n the
suppor ti ng sentences as i n the topi c sentence, r epeat k ey ter m s ex actl y .
In the suppor ti ng sentences, av oi d i nter r upti ng the sequence of ex pl anati ons

w i th other i nf or m ati on.
An ex am pl e of a paragraph i n w hi ch consi stent or der i s used i s Ex am pl e 3. 2

above. In Ex am pl e 3. 2, the topi c sentence (A) m enti ons di str i buti on, si ze, and
shape of gangl i on cel l bodi es. The nex t sentence (B) descr i bes di str i buti on, and
the sentence af ter that (C) descr i bes si ze and shape—the sam e or der as i n the
topi c sentence.
Another ex am pl e i s Ex am pl e 3. 27 bel ow. In thi s ex am pl e, the topi c sentence

l i sts thr ee i tem s cl ear l y. The suppor ti ng sentences ex pl ai n the thr ee i tem s i n
the sam e or der as i n the topi c sentence and use ex actl y the sam e key ter m s.
U nf or tunatel y, other i nf or m ati on had to be ex pl ai ned betw een the second and
thi r d i tem s (sentences D and E ex pl ai n the second i tem ; sentence F pr epar es
f or the thi r d i tem ). Thi s i nter r upti on m akes the paragraph di f f i cul t to r ead
because f ul f i l l m ent of our ex pectati on of hear i ng about the thi r d i tem i s so l ong
del ayed.
Example 3.27
ASam pl es of ins pire d, e ndtida l, and mix e de x pire d gases w er e taken dur i ng
the 2h washi n per i od. BIns pire d gas sam pl es w er e col l ected pr ox i m al to the
nonr ebr eathi ng val ve. CEndtida l gas sam pl es w er e col l ected thr ough a
catheter, the ti p of w hi ch was pl aced near the tracheal end of the endotracheal
tube. DThe endotracheal tube was connected to the non r ebr eathi ng val ve w i th
f l ex i bl e Tef l on® tubi ng w hose i nter nal vol um e was appr ox i m atel y 100 m l .
ETef l on® was used to avoi d the absor pti on and r el ease of anestheti c that occur
w i th pl asti cs such as pol yethy l ene, and the added 100 m l of dead space was
used to pr event contam i nati on of endti dal sam pl es w i th i nspi r ed gas. F Ex pi r ed
gases w er e conducted v i a a f l ex i bl e Tef l on® tube to an al um i num m i x i ng
cham ber. G Mix e de x pire d gas sam pl es w er e col l ected di stal to the al um i num
m i x i ng cham ber. H All gas sam pl es w er e col l ected i n 50m l gl ass sy r i nges that
w er e stor ed upr i ght (to pr oduce a sl i ght posi ti ve pr essur e) unti l anal y zed.
Fr om Car penter RL, Eger EI II, Johnson BH, U nadk at JD, Shei ner LB. The ex tent
of m etabol i sm of i nhal ed anestheti cs i n hum ans. Anesthesi ol ogy 1986; 65(2):
201–5. Catal ogo U Por to Requi si cao de Docum entos Li nk s
Bi bl i ograf i cos Recur sos da Inter net Tex to Com pl eto Li v r e Ov i d
In Ex am pl e 3. 27, note that consi stent or der i s al so used i n sentences D and E

f or Tef l on® and 100 m l .
P. 84
Keeping a Consistent Point of View

In Chapter 2, w e saw that the topi c shoul d be the subject of the sentence.
Si m i l ar l y, i n a paragraph, i f the topi c of tw o or m or e sentences i s the sam e,
the subjects i n al l of those sentences shoul d be the sam e. Hav i ng the sam e
subject i n tw o or m or e sentences that deal w i th the sam e topi c i s cal l ed
keepi ng a consi stent poi nt of v i ew.
Speci f i cal l y, the poi nt of v i ew i s consi stent w hen the sam e ter m , or the sam e
categor y of ter m , i s the subject of successi ve sentences that deal w i th the
sam e topi c. The poi nt of v i ew i s i nconsi stent w hen the topi c i s the sam e but the
subjects of the sentences ar e di f f er ent. An i nconsi stent poi nt of v i ew i s
di sor i enti ng to the r eader, m ak i ng si m i l ar i ti es and di f f er ences di f f i cul t to see.
Same Term
Som eti m es the sam e ter m shoul d be the subject of successi ve sentences, as
shoul d be done i n Ex am pl e 3. 28.
Example 3.28
APr opranol ol had var i abl e ef f ects on the hy poxem i ai nduced changes i n r egi onal
bl ood f l ow. BIn the cer ebr um , the i ncr ease i n bl ood f l ow caused by hy poxem i a
was not si gni f i cantl y al ter ed by pr opranol ol . CHow ever, i n other or gans, such as
the gut and the k i dney s, and i n the per i pheral ci r cul ati on, pr opranol ol caused a
m or e sever e decr ease i n bl ood f l ow than di d hy poxem i a al one.
In Ex am pl e 3. 28, al l thr ee sentences descr i be how pr opranol ol (the i ndependent

var i abl e) af f ected r egi onal bl ood f l ow (the dependent var i abl e), but onl y
sentences A and C ar e w r i tten f r om the sam e poi nt of v i ew—the poi nt of v i ew
of the i ndependent var i abl e. Sentence B i s w r i tten f r om the poi nt of v i ew of the
ef f ect on the dependent var i abl e.
The change i n poi nt of v i ew i s a pr obl em f or tw o r easons. Fi r st, a contrast i s

easi est to see i f the tw o contrasti ng sentences (B, C) ar e w r i tten f r om the
sam e poi nt of v i ew, that i s, i f the subjects of the tw o sentences ar e the sam e.
Second, f or the suppor ti ng sentences (B, C) to r el ate cl ear l y to the topi c
sentence (A), they shoul d be w r i tten f r om the sam e poi nt of v i ew (that i s, they
shoul d have the sam e subject) as the topi c sentence.
A consi stent poi nt of v i ew i n al l thr ee sentences m akes thi s paragraph cl ear er

and easi er to r ead.
Revision
bl ood f l ow. BIn the cer ebr um , pr opranol ol di d not si gni f i cantl y al ter the
i ncr ease i n bl ood f l ow caused by hy poxem i a. CHow ever, i n other or gans, such
as the gut and the k i dney s, and i n the per i pheral ci r cul ati on, pr opranol ol
caused a m or e sever e decr ease i n bl ood f l ow than di d hy poxem i a al one.
Same Category of Term

The subject does not al way s have to be the sam e w or d i n or der f or the poi nt of
v i ew to be consi stent. Som eti m es al l that i s necessar y i s the sam e categor y of
w or d.
P. 85
Example 3.29
The contr ol i njecti on of nal oxone pr oduced no si gni f i cant changes i n ar ter i al
bl ood pr essur e or hear t rate. The ar ter i al bl ood pr essur es and hear t rates
m easur ed af ter 24 h of m or phi ne i nf usi on di d not change si gni f i cantl y.
In Ex am pl e 3. 29, both sentences descr i be a cause and i ts ef f ect, but the subject
of the f i r st sentence i s the cause (contr ol i njecti on) w her eas the subject of the
second sentence i s the var i abl es af f ected (ar ter i al bl ood pr essur es and hear t
rates). Thus, the poi nt of v i ew i s i nconsi stent and the si m i l ar i ty i s not easy to
see. Both sentences shoul d begi n w i th the sam e categor y of ter m —the cause.
Revision A
The contr ol i njecti on of nal oxone pr oduced no si gni f i cant changes i n ar ter i al
bl ood pr essur e or hear t rate. Tw entyf our hour s of m or phi ne i nf usi on pr oduced
no si gni f i cant changes i n ar ter i al bl ood pr essur e or hear t rate.
In the r ev i si on, the categor y of each subject i s the sam e—the cause. Thus, the
poi nt of v i ew i s consi stent and the si m i l ar i ty i s easy to see. In addi ti on, now
that the poi nt of v i ew i s consi stent, i t i s easy to com bi ne the tw o sentences:
Revision B
N ei ther the contr ol i njecti on of nal oxone nor the 24h m or phi ne i nf usi on
si gni f i cantl y al ter ed ar ter i al bl ood pr essur e or hear t rate.
As Ex am pl e 3. 29 (above) i l l ustrates, keepi ng the poi nt of v i ew consi stent i s

par ti cul ar l y i m por tant w hen you ar e descr i bi ng si m i l ar i ti es. Another ex am pl e i s
gi ven i n Ex am pl e 3. 30. In thi s ex am pl e, the author s descr i be other s' f i ndi ngs
f r om one poi nt of v i ew but then descr i be thei r ow n f i ndi ngs f r om the opposi te
poi nt of v i ew. As a r esul t, i t i s di f f i cul t to tel l w hose f i ndi ngs the author s'
f i ndi ngs agr ee w i th.
Example 3.30
Ol sen et al . (22) concl uded that ser i es i nteracti on was m or e i m por tant than
di r ect i nteracti on; Vi sner et al . (23), usi ng a near l y i denti cal pr eparati on and
pr otocol , concl uded the opposi te. We f ound that di r ect i nteracti on was about
onehal f as i m por tant as ser i es i nteracti on i n deter m i ni ng l ef t ventr i cul ar
vol um e at end di astol e w hen the per i car di um was on, and that the di r ect
i nteracti on ef f ect decr eased w hen the per i car di um was r em oved.
Revision
Ol sen et al . (22) concl uded that di r ect i nteracti on was l ess i m por tant than
ser i es i nteracti on; Vi sner et al . (23), usi ng a near l y i denti cal pr eparati on and
pr otocol , concl uded the opposi te. We f ound that di r ect i nteracti on was about
onehal f as i m por tant as ser i es i nteracti on i n deter m i ni ng l ef t ventr i cul ar
vol um e at end di astol e w hen the per i car di um was on, and that the di r ect
i nteracti on ef f ect decr eased w hen the per i car di um was r em oved.
In the r ev i si on, keepi ng a consi stent poi nt of v i ew m akes the si m i l ar i ty

betw een the author s' w or k and Ol sen et al . 's w or k easi er to see.
To m ake the si m i l ar i ty ex pl i ci t, and thus even easi er to see, the author s coul d
add a transi ti on phrase such as “Li ke Ol sen et al .,” or a topi c sentence
P. 86
such as “Our r esul ts suppor t the concl usi on of Ol sen et al .” bef or e the l ast
sentence. But note that addi ng a transi ti on phrase or a topi c sentence w i thout
keepi ng a consi stent poi nt of v i ew w oul d not w or k as w el l : “Ol sen et al . (22)
concl uded that ser i es i nteracti on was m or e i m por tant than di r ect i nteracti on;…
Li ke Ol sen et al ., w e f ound that di r ect i nteracti on was about onehal f as
i m por tant as ser i es i nteracti on… .” Even though the si m i l ar i ty i s announced, i t i s
di f f i cul t to see because the poi nt of v i ew i s not consi stent.
Using “I” or “We”

It once was f ashi onabl e to avoi d usi ng “I” or “w e” i n sci enti f i c r esear ch paper s
on the gr ounds that these ter m s ar e subjecti ve, w her eas sci ence i s objecti ve.
But i s sci ence pur el y objecti ve? Do not sci enti sts m ake choi ces w hen desi gni ng
ex per i m ents (w hen, how, how m uch)? Do not sci enti sts def i ne ter m s, m ake
assum pti ons, have pur poses, i nter pr et r esul ts, m ake i nf er ences? These ar e
subjecti ve acti ons. Thus, as the f ol l ow i ng ex am pl es i l l ustrate, w r i ti ng f r om the
poi nt of v i ew of “I” or “w e” i s appr opr i ate i n a sci enti f i c r esear ch paper
w her ever judgm ent i s exer ci sed.
Example 3.31
To deter m i ne the m echani sm f or the di r ect ef f ect of contrast m edi a on hear t
m uscl e m echani cs, thi s study on hear t m uscl es i sol ated f r om cats was car r i ed
out.
Thi s sentence f r om an Intr oducti on w oul d be m or e accurate and m or e v i gor ous
i f “w e” w er e used.
Revision
To deter m i ne the m echani sm f or the di r ect ef f ect of contrast m edi a on hear t
m uscl e m echani cs, w e car r i ed out thi s study on hear t m uscl es i sol ated f r om
cats.
Example 3.32
A nosocom i al i nf ecti on was def i ned as one that was cl ear l y not pr esent i n the
cul tur e of any body f l ui d w hen the i nf ant was adm i tted, al though i t was
r ecogni zed that v i r tual l y al l i nf ant col oni zati on, and ther ef or e al l i nf ecti ons, ar e
nosocom i al .
In thi s sentence f r om a Methods secti on, tw o acts of judgm ent ar e descr i bed:
def i ni ng and r ecogni zi ng. But w ho was m ak i ng these judgm ents i s not stated.
Mor eover, the author has gone out of hi s way to w r i te the second poi nt i n a
sti f f, aw k war d, i nel egant way : “i t was r ecogni zed that.” In contrast, “We
r ecogni zed that” i s di r ect, v i gor ous, and natural , and com pl etel y i nf or m ati ve.
Revision
We def i ned a nosocom i al i nf ecti on as one that was cl ear l y not pr esent i n the
cul tur e of any body f l ui d w hen the i nf ant was adm i tted, al though w e r ecogni ze
that v i r tual l y al l i nf ant col oni zati on, and ther ef or e al l i nf ecti ons, ar e
nosocom i al .
P. 87
Example 3.33
AAcety l chol i nesterase acti v i ty has been f ound i n m ost gangl i on cel l s of the
myenter i c and subm ucosal pl ex uses of the enter i c ner vous sy stem , but
di f f er ences have been f ound i n the i ntensi ty of the acety l chol i nesterase
r eacti on, and gangl i a have been cl assi f i ed accor di ngl y (5). BLi kew i se,
di f f er ences i n the i ntensi ty of the acety l chol i nesterase r eacti on w er e f ound i n
the f er r et trachea. CHow ever, the i ntensi ty of the r eacti on appear ed to depend
m or e on the gangl i on cel l 's posi ti on and on the pr esence of over l y i ng
connecti ve ti ssue than on acety l chol i nesterase content. DTher ef or e, no attem pt
was m ade i n thi s study to cl assi f y gangl i on cel l s accor di ng to the am ount of
thei r acety l chol i nesterase acti v i ty.
In sentence B of thi s paragraph f r om a Di scussi on secti on, i t i s not i m m edi atel y

obv i ous w ho f ound the di f f er ences i n the f er r et trachea. U pon r ef l ecti on, the
r eader r eal i zes i t i s the author of thi s paper, because thi s paper i s about f er r et
tracheas. But r ef l ecti on shoul d not be necessar y. Especi al l y w hen you ar e
di scussi ng other s' w or k i n the sam e paragraph as your ow n, i t i s cl ear est to use
“w e” to i denti f y your w or k . It w oul d al so be m or e natural to use “w e” i n
sentence D.
Revision
AAcety l chol i nesterase acti v i ty has been f ound i n m ost gangl i on cel l s of the
myenter i c and subm ucosal pl ex uses of the enter i c ner vous sy stem , but
di f f er ences have been f ound i n the i ntensi ty of the acety l chol i nesterase
r eacti on, and gangl i a have been cl assi f i ed accor di ngl y (5). BLi kew i se, w e f ound
di f f er ences i n the r eacti v i ty i n the f er r et trachea. CHow ever, the i ntensi ty of
the r eacti on appear ed to depend m or e on the gangl i on cel l 's posi ti on and on the
pr esence of over l y i ng connecti ve ti ssue than on acety l chol i nesterase content.
DTher ef or e, i n thi s study w e m ade no attem pt to cl assi f y gangl i on cel l s
accor di ng to the am ount of thei r acety l chol i nesterase acti v i ty.
Example 3.34
It i s concl uded that thi s m ethod i s a sensi ti ve quanti tati ve m easur e of l ung
i nter sti ti al f l ui d and can detect pul m onar y edem a and congesti on i n the dog
l ung bef or e al veol ar f l oodi ng occur s.
Revision
We concl ude that thi s m ethod i s a sensi ti ve quanti tati ve m easur e of l ung
i nter sti ti al f l ui d and can detect pul m onar y edem a and congesti on i n the dog
l ung bef or e al veol ar f l oodi ng occur s.
The m ost contr over si al use of “w e” i s i n the Methods secti on. The use of “w e”
i n statem ents of judgm ent, as i l l ustrated above, shoul d not be contr over si al ,
but the use of “w e” i n the Methods secti on def i ni tel y i s. The advantage of usi ng
“w e” i n Methods i s that i t m akes f or v i gor ous, r eadabl e w r i ti ng because usi ng
“w e” general l y f or ces the author to use the acti ve voi ce, w hi ch i s i nher entl y
l i vel y. The di sadvantage of usi ng “w e” i s that “w e” i s not usual l y the topi c i n
Methods; rather, the var i abl e or the techni que i s usual l y the topi c. You cannot
si m ul taneousl y have the advantage of “w e” and avoi d the di sadvantage, so
ei ther usi ng “w e” or avoi di ng “w e” i n Methods i s def ensi bl e. For an ex pl anati on
and ex am pl es, see Chapter 5: Mater i al s and Methods.
P. 88
EXERCISE 3.8: KEEPING A CONSISTENT POINT

OF VIEW AND A CONSISTENT ORDER
Ex a mple 1
Re vis e Ex a mple 1 s o tha t the point of vie w is c ons is te nt.
AMorta lity in this s e rie s of pa tie nts w a s 90% . BG e ne ra lly, s urviva l in

c linic a l s e rie s ha s be e n le s s tha n 20% . CThe only e x c e ption to this is the
e x pe rie nc e of Bole y (2), w ho re porte d a morta lity of 46% .
Hi de Answ er
Re vis ion (Poi nt of v i ew : m or tal i ty, m or tal i ty, excepti on

1 OR al l m or tal i ty )
AMor tal i ty i n thi s ser i es of pati ents was 90%. BGeneral l y, m or tal i ty
i n cl i ni cal ser i es has been gr eater than 80%. CThe onl y excepti on i s
the m or tal i ty of 46% r epor ted by Bol ey (2).
OR: The m or tal i ty of 46% r epor ted by Bol ey (2) i s the onl y excepti on.
Re vis ion 2 (Poi nt of v i ew : m or tal i ty, m or tal i ty )
AMor tal i ty i n thi s ser i es of pati ents was 90%. B Mor tal i ty i n other
cl i ni cal ser i es has been gr eater than 80%, except f or the m or tal i ty of
46% r epor ted by Bol ey (2).
Re vis ion 3 (Makes the i m pl i ed com par i son i n B ex pl i ci t)
AMor tal i ty i n thi s ser i es of pati ents was 90%. BGeneral l y, m or tal i ty
i n cl i ni cal ser i es has been about the sam e (gr eater than 80%). CThe
onl y excepti on i s the m or tal i ty of 46% r epor ted by Bol ey (2).
Ex a mple 2
1. In Ex a mple 2, ma k e the point of vie w c ons is te nt (the s ubje c t of e ve ry

s e nte nc e s hould s ta te a c a us e , or the s ubje c t of e ve ry s e nte nc e
s hould s ta te a n e ffe c t).
2. In a ddition, k e e p “ c ontra c tion” a nd “ re la x a tion” in the s a me orde r.

AThe re s pons e produc e d by bra dyk inin a lone c ons is te d of a c ontra c tion
follow e d by a longe r la s ting re la x a tion. BAdding indome tha c in (2 µmg/ml
for 20–30 min) a long w ith bra dyk inin re duc e d the ma gnitude of the
re la x a tion to 7% of tha t induc e d by bra dyk inin a lone . CThe ma gnitude of
the c ontra c tion, w he n one w a s pre s e nt, w a s inc re a s e d a fte r tre a tme nt
w ith indome tha c in a nd bra dyk inin.
Hi de Answ er
Re vis ion (Poi nt of v i ew : ef f ect; or der : contracti on f i r st,

1 r el ax ati on second)
AThe r esponse pr oduced by brady k i ni n al one consi sted of a

contracti on f ol l ow ed by a l onger l asti ng r el ax ati on. BThe m agni tude
of the contracti on was i ncr eased af ter tr eatm ent w i th i ndom ethaci n (2
µg/m l f or 20–30 m i n) and brady k i ni n. CHow ever, the m agni tude of the
r el ax ati on was r educed to 7% of that i nduced by brady k i ni n al one.
Re vis ion 2 (Poi nt of v i ew : ef f ect)
AContracti on f ol l ow ed by a l onger l asti ng r el ax ati on was the r esponse

i nduced by brady k i ni n. BThe contracti on was str onger af ter
i ndom ethaci n (2 µg/m l f or 20–30 m i n) was added al ong w i th
brady k i ni n, and the r el ax ati on was w eaker.
In Rev i si on 2, the data f or r el ax ati on ar e om i tted. Ideal l y , data

shoul d be gi v en ei ther f or both dependent v ar i abl es or f or nei ther .
Si m i l ar l y , doses shoul d be gi v en ei ther f or both i ndependent
v ar i abl es or f or nei ther .
Re vis ion 3 (Poi nt of v i ew : cause)
ABrady k i ni n al one i nduced a contracti on f ol l ow ed by a l onger l asti ng

r el ax ati on. BAddi ng i ndom ethaci n (2 µg/m l f or 20–30 m i n) al ong w i th
brady k i ni n i ncr eased the m agni tude of the contracti on and r educed
the m agni tude of r el ax ati on to 7% of that i nduced by brady k i ni n
al one.
Re vis ion (Poi nt of v i ew : cause; over v i ew added; data f or

4 the contracti on added)
ABrady k i ni n al one i nduced a tw ophase r esponse: a contracti on

f ol l ow ed by a l onger l asti ng r el ax ati on. BAddi ng i ndom ethaci n (2
µg/m l f or 20–30 m i n) al ong w i th brady k i ni n i ncr eased the m agni tude
of the contracti on by X% and r educed the m agni tude of r el ax ati on by
93%.
Ex a mple 3
1. In Ex a mple 3, ma k e the point of vie w in B c los e to the point of vie w in

A by us ing a n a s pe c t of the k e y te rm in A (a poB–c onta ining
lipoprote ins ) a s the firs t s ubje c t of B. In a ddition, ma k e the topic s
the s ubje c ts a nd put the a c tion in ve rbs .
2. Add a tra ns ition a t the be ginning of s e nte nc e B to indic a te the logic a l

re la tions hip of s e nte nc e B to s e nte nc e A.
ACons ide ra ble e vide nc e indic a te s tha t the a poB–c onta ining lipoprote ins
(for e x a mple , VLDL, IDL, LDL, lipoprote in [a ]) a re a the roge nic (1).
BFe e ding a die t ric h in fa ts a nd c hole s te rol to nonhuma n prima te s (2, 3) a s
w e ll a s c e rta in s tra ins of mic e (4, 5) re s ults in e le va te d le ve ls of the a po
B–c onta ining lipoprote ins , a nd is a c c ompa nie d by the de ve lopme nt of
a the ros c le rotic le s ions in the la rge a rte rie s .
Hi de Answ er
Re vis ion (Poi nt of v i ew : ef f ect)
AConsi derabl e ev i dence i ndi cates that the apoB–contai ni ng

l i popr otei ns (such as VLDL, IDL, LDL, l i popr otei n [a]) ar e ather ogeni c
(1). BFor ex am pl e, af ter a di et r i ch i n f ats and chol ester ol was f ed to
nonhum an pr i m ates and m i ce, s e rum c onc e ntra tions of a poB–
c onta ining lipoprote ins w e re e le va te d. CIn addi ti on,
a the ros c le rotic le s ions de ve lope d i n the l ar ge ar ter i es.
In sentence B of the r ev i si on, the poi nt of v i ew (“ser um

concentr ati ons”) i s an aspect of the poi nt of v i ew i n sentence A
(“apoB–contai ni ng l i popr otei ns”).
The topi c i n sentence B i s the subject (“ser um concentr ati ons”) and
the acti on i s i n the v er bs (“w er e”).
Si m i l ar l y , i n sentence C, the topi c i s the subject (“ather oscl er oti c

l esi ons”) and the acti on i s i n the v er b (“dev el oped”).
Fi nal l y , a tr ansi ti on w or d i s added at the begi nni ng of sentence B to

i ndi cate the l ogi cal r el ati onshi p of sentence B to sentence A. Instead
of a tr ansi ti on w or d, a tr ansi ti on cl ause that r epeats the k ey ter m
“ev i dence, ” such as one of these, coul d be used:
Some of e vide nc e is tha t…
Evide nc e for a the roge ne s is is tha t…
Evide nc e from a nima l s tudie s is tha t…
P. 89
Parallel Form for Parallel Ideas

Use Parallel Form for Parallel Ideas
Paral l el i deas ar e i deas of the sam e ty pe. For ex am pl e, i deas that ar e bei ng
com par ed or contrasted, such as “X i ncr eased but Y decr eased,” ar e paral l el
i deas. For the com par i son or contrast to be cl ear, the i deas shoul d be w r i tten
ei ther f r om the sam e poi nt of v i ew or i n paral l el f or m .
Paral l el f or m i s an ex tensi on of consi stent poi nt of v i ew. For sentences to have

a consi stent poi nt of v i ew, onl y the subjects of the sentences m ust be the sam e
—ei ther the sam e ter m or the sam e categor y of ter m . For sentences to be
paral l el , the gram m ati cal f or m of each par t of the sentence—the subject, the
ver b, and the com pl eter —m ust be the sam e as the gram m ati cal f or m of each
par t of the com pani on sentence(s). (Thus, i f sentences ar e paral l el , they
autom ati cal l y have the sam e poi nt of v i ew. )
Paral l el f or m i s m or e ef f ecti ve than consi stent poi nt of v i ew f or pr esenti ng

contrasti ng i deas and f or hi ghl i ghti ng si m i l ar i ti es. The i dea behi nd usi ng
paral l el f or m f or contrasts i s that contrasts ar e easi est to see i f you “var y the
var i abl e, and keep the constant constant” (Fow l er, 1965). That i s, the w or ds ar e
di f f er ent onl y w hen the i deas ar e di f f er ent. When the i deas ar e the sam e, the
w or ds ar e the sam e. Thus, the di f f er ences stand out.
Example 3.35
AThe l og 1 0 f uncti on el i m i nated som e waves. BThe f actor that deter m i ned
w hether a wave was el i m i nated or am pl i f i ed was the di v i sor. CWhen the di v i sor
was gr eater than the absol ute val ue of the peak of a wave, the wave was
el i m i nated. DWhen the di v i sor was l ess than the absol ute val ue of the peak of a
wave, the wave was am pl i f i ed.
In Ex am pl e 3. 35, the l ast tw o sentences ar e paral l el sentences that suppor t the

poi nt m ade i n the second topi c sentence (sentence B). N ote that i n the paral l el
sentences, the sentence patter ns ar e the sam e: subject (“the di v i sor ”), ver b
(“was”), com pl eter (“gr eater than X,” “l ess than X”); subject (“the wave”), ver b
(“was el i m i nated,” “was am pl i f i ed”). Fur ther m or e, m ost of the w or ds ar e the
sam e. Onl y the w or ds that i denti f y the contrast ar e di f f er ent: “gr eater,” “l ess”;
“el i m i nated,” “am pl i f i ed.”
Paral l el i sm w i thi n a paragraph can be l onger than tw o sentences, as i l l ustrated

i n Ex am pl e 3. 36.
Example 3.36
AAf ter f etal i njecti on of nal oxone, f etal ar ter i al bl ood pH and PO 2 both
decr eased (f r om 7. 39 ± 0. 01 (SD) to 7. 35 ± 0. 02 and f r om 23. 0 ± 0. 5 to 20. 8
± 0. 8 m m Hg, r especti vel y ). BTher e was no change i n ar ter i al bl ood PCO 2 .
CAf ter m ater nal i njecti on of nal oxone, onl y f etal ar ter i al bl ood PO 2 decr eased
(f r om 24. 4 ± 0. 8 to 22. 2 ± 1. 0 m m Hg). DTher e w er e no si gni f i cant changes i n
f etal ar ter i al bl ood pH or PCO 2 .
The paragraph i n Ex am pl e 3. 36 i s or gani zed i nto tw o paral l el subtopi cs. The

f i r st subtopi c (sentences A and B)—the ef f ects of f etal i njecti ons—i s paral l el to
the second subtopi c (sentences C and D)—the ef f ects of m ater nal i njecti ons.
Wi thi n each subtopi c, the f i r st sentence i s about the var i abl es that changed; the
second sentence i s about the var i abl es that di d not change. Thus, sentences A
and C (var i abl es that changed) ar e w r i tten i n one
P. 90
paral l el f or m (“Af ter f etal /m ater nal i njecti on of nal oxone, Q decr eased”), and
sentences B and D (var i abl es that di d not change) ar e w r i tten i n another
paral l el f or m (“Ther e was/w er e no change(s) i n R”).
As these ex am pl es show, usi ng paral l el f or m f or sentences w i thi n a paragraph

i s the cl ear est way of pr esenti ng paral l el i deas.
Make the Verbs Parallel

An i m por tant f actor f or paral l el i sm i s that the ver bs m ust be ei ther the sam e
(w hen the i deas ar e si m i l ar ) or the opposi te (w hen the i deas contrast). In
Ex am pl e 3. 35, sentences C and D pr esent contrasti ng i deas, and the ver bs ar e
appr opr i atel y opposi tes: “was el i m i nated,” “was am pl i f i ed.” In Ex am pl e 3. 36,
sentences A and C pr esent si m i l ar i ti es; so do sentences B and D. The ver bs ar e
ther ef or e the sam e: “decr eased” (A and C); “was,” “w er e” (B and D).
Corollary: Do Not Use Parallel Form for Nonparallel

Ideas
For paral l el f or m to be ef f ecti ve, i t m ust be r eser ved onl y f or paral l el i deas.
N onparal l el i deas shoul d not be w r i tten i n paral l el f or m .
Example 3.37
To de te rmine w hether chol i ner gi c or adr ener gi c ner ves m edi ate secr eti on of
f l ui ds f r om tracheal subm ucosal gl ands, w e di d ex per i m ents on gl ands exci sed
f r om f er r ets. To induc e secr eti on, w e sti m ul ated the ti ssue both el ectr i cal l y
and phar m acol ogi cal l y. To inhibit secr eti on, w e added XXXX to the bathi ng
sol uti on.
In thi s paragraph, thr ee sentences ar e i n paral l el f or m (the patter n i s i nf i ni ti ve

+ object, subject + ver b + object). But the i deas ar e not paral l el . The f i r st
sentence (topi c sentence) gi ves the overal l pur pose of the study and the
general ty pe of ex per i m ent done. The second and thi r d sentences gi ve speci f i c
pur poses and pr ocedur es. Ther ef or e, the i deas i n the second and thi r d
sentences shoul d be ex pr essed i n a di f f er ent f or m .
Revision A
To deter m i ne w hether chol i ner gi c or adr ener gi c ner ves m edi ate secr eti on of
f l ui ds f r om tracheal subm ucosal gl ands, w e di d ex per i m ents on gl ands exci sed
f r om f er r ets. We i nduced secr eti on by sti m ul ati ng the ti ssue both el ectr i cal l y
and phar m acol ogi cal l y. We i nhi bi ted secr eti on by addi ng XXXX to the bathi ng
sol uti on.
In Rev i si on A the f or m of the l ast tw o sentences has been changed. These

sentences, w hi ch ex pr ess paral l el i deas, ar e sti l l i n paral l el f or m .
Revision B
We wanted to deter m i ne w hether chol i ner gi c or adr ener gi c ner ves m edi ate
secr eti on of f l ui ds f r om tracheal subm ucosal gl ands. For thi s pur pose, w e
studi ed the secr etor y r esponses to el ectr i cal and phar m acol ogi cal sti m ul ati on of
segm ents of f er r et trachea i n v i tr o i n the pr esence and i n the absence of a
speci f i c ner ve bl ocker and autonom i c antagoni sts.
In Rev i si on B, paral l el f or m i s used onl y w i thi n one sentence (see under l i ned
w or ds), not betw een sentences. Thi s i s f i ne. The i m por tant poi nt i s that the tw o
sentences i n Rev i si on B, w hi ch do not gi ve paral l el i nf or m ati on, ar e not i n
paral l el f or m .
P. 91
Signaling the Subtopics of a Paragraph

Signaling Subtopics Announced in the Topic Sentence
We saw at the begi nni ng of thi s chapter that i deal l y a paragraph shoul d begi n
w i th a topi c sentence so that r eader s k now w hat the paragraph i s about bef or e
they r ead i t. Si m i l ar l y, each subtopi c i n the paragraph shoul d be si gnal ed as
soon as that subtopi c begi ns so that r eader s w i l l k now w hat the subtopi c i s
bef or e they star t r eadi ng about i t. The si gnal s shoul d be both v i sual and ver bal .
A new topi c i s si gnal ed v i sual l y by a new paragraph and ver bal l y by a topi c
sentence. A new subtopi c w i thi n a paragraph i s si gnal ed v i sual l y by a new
sentence and ver bal l y by putti ng the nam e of the subtopi c i n a key ter m at the
begi nni ng of the sentence. The key ter m at the begi nni ng of the sentence can
be the subject of the sentence (Ex am pl e 3. 38) or the object i n a transi ti on
phrase (Ex am pl e 3. 39) or a transi ti on cl ause.
Ex a mple 3. 38: Key Ter m as the Subject of the Sentence
ASam pl es of i nspi r ed, endti dal , and m i xedex pi r ed gases w er e taken dur i ng
the 2h washi n per i od. BInspi r ed gas sam pl es w er e col l ected pr ox i m al to the
nonr ebr eathi ng val ve. CEndti dal gas sam pl es w er e col l ected thr ough a
catheter, the ti p of w hi ch was pl aced near the tracheal end of the endotracheal
tube. DThe endotracheal tube was connected to the nonr ebr eathi ng val ve w i th
f l ex i bl e Tef l on® tubi ng w hose i nter nal vol um e was appr ox i m atel y 100 m l .
ETef l on® was used to avoi d the absor pti on and r el ease of anestheti c that occur
w i th pl asti cs such as pol yethy l ene, and the added 100 m l of dead space was
used to pr event contam i nati on of endti dal sam pl es w i th i nspi r ed gas. F Ex pi r ed
gases w er e conducted v i a a f l ex i bl e Tef l on® tube to an al um i num m i x i ng
cham ber. G Mi xedex pi r ed gas sam pl es w er e col l ected di stal to the al um i num
m i x i ng cham ber. H Al lgas sam pl es w er e col l ected i n 50m l gl ass sy r i nges that
w er e stor ed upr i ght (to pr oduce a sl i ght posi ti ve pr essur e) unti l anal y zed.
In Ex am pl e 3. 38 (= Ex am pl e 3. 27), the topi c sentence nam es thr ee ty pes of

gases, each of w hi ch i s di scussed l ater i n the paragraph. To si gnal each
subtopi c, the author star ts a new sentence (v i sual si gnal ) and r epeats a key
ter m f r om the topi c sentence as the subject at the begi nni ng of the f i r st
suppor ti ng sentence on each new subtopi c (B, C, G) (ver bal si gnal ).
Ex a mple 3. 39: Key Ter m i n a Transi ti on Phrase
bl ood f l ow. BIn the cer ebr um , pr opranol ol di d not si gni f i cantl y al ter the
i ncr ease i n bl ood f l ow caused by hy poxem i a. CHow ever, i n other or gans, such
as the gut and the k i dney s, and i n the per i pheral ci r cul ati on, pr opranol ol
caused a m or e sever e decr ease i n bl ood f l ow than di d hy poxem i a al one.
In Ex am pl e 3. 39 (= Rev i si on of Ex am pl e 3. 28), the topi c sentence m enti ons

r egi onal bl ood f l ow, and the subtopi cs ar e var i ous r egi ons. These subtopi cs ar e
si gnal ed v i sual l y by new sentences and ver bal l y by transi ti on phrases at the
begi nni ng of the sentences (under l i ned). Each transi ti on phrase i ncl udes a key
ter m that i denti f i es the r egi on (the subtopi c): “cer ebr um ,” “other or gans.”
Signaling Parallel Subtopics

When the subtopi cs i n a paragraph ar e paral l el , the si gnal s of the subtopi cs
shoul d al so be paral l el . Thus, i f a key ter m as the subject of the sentence
P. 92
si gnal s the f i r st subtopi c, a key ter m as the subject of the sentence shoul d al so
si gnal the second and al l other subtopi cs. Si m i l ar l y, i f a key ter m i n a
transi ti on phrase si gnal s the f i r st subtopi c, a key ter m i n a transi ti on phrase
shoul d al so si gnal the second and al l other subtopi cs. Mi x i ng the tw o k i nds of
si gnal s does not w or k , because transi ti on phrases ar e m or e noti ceabl e as
si gnal s than ar e subjects of sentences. U si ng a key ter m as the subject of a
sentence to si gnal a subtopi c af ter hav i ng used a transi ti on phrase to si gnal a
subtopi c i s par ti cul ar l y i nef f ecti ve.
Signaling Subtopics = Signaling the Organization

In Ex am pl e 3. 38, the topi c sentence i ndi cates that the paragraph w i l l be
or gani zed by the ty pe of gas. Si m i l ar l y, i n Ex am pl e 3. 39, the topi c sentence
i m pl i es that the paragraph w i l l be or gani zed by the r egi on of bl ood f l ow. These
i m pl i ed or gani zati ons ar e car r i ed out i n the suppor ti ng sentences and ar e
si gnal ed by the key ter m s that nam e the subtopi cs. Thus, by si gnal i ng the
subtopi cs, you ar e al so si gnal i ng the or gani zati on of the paragraph.
Signaling Subtopics Not Announced in the Topic

Sentence
Even i f the topi c sentence does not nam e m or e than one topi c, the paragraph
m i ght contai n a subtopi c, as i n Ex am pl e 3. 40. In thi s case, i t i s especi al l y
i m por tant to si gnal the subtopi c by nam i ng the subtopi c at the begi nni ng of the
sentence, si nce the topi c sentence di d not pr epar e us to ex pect any subtopi cs.
Example 3.40
APul m onar y ner ve endi ngs w er e r el ati vel y i nsensi ti ve to pheny l di guani de
(tabl e 1, f i g. 3B). BOf 25 pul m onar y ner ve endi ngs tested, onl y 10 w er e
sti m ul ated w hen thi s dr ug was i njected i nto the r i ght atr i um , and i n onl y one of
these di d f i r i ng exceed 2. 2 i m pul ses/s. CIf the l atter endi ng i s excl uded, the
average peak f r equency of the endi ngs sti m ul ated was onl y 1. 7 i m pul ses/s.
DThe excepti on, w hi ch f i r ed w i th an average f r equency of 17. 4 i m pul ses/s at
the peak of the r esponse, was encounter ed i n the onl y dog i n w hi ch r i ght atr i al
i njecti on of pheny l di guani de evoked r ef l ex bradycar di a w i thi n the pul m onar y
ci r cul ati on ti m e (l atency 2. 2 s). EMor eover, i n thi s dog ar ter i al pr essur e f el l ,
w her eas i n al l other dogs i t r ose, but onl y af ter suf f i ci ent ti m e had el apsed f or
the dr ug to r each the sy stem i c ci r cul ati on.
In Ex am pl e 3. 40 (= Ex am pl e 3. 3), the topi c sentence at the begi nni ng of the

new paragraph nam es the topi c of the paragraph i n the f i r st thr ee w or ds—
pul m onar y ner ve endi ngs—and then states the poi nt: w er e r el ati vel y
i nsensi ti ve. The nex t tw o sentences (B, C) suppor t thi s poi nt. How ever, the l ast
tw o sentences (D, E) ar e on a new subtopi c—an excepti on that does not suppor t
the poi nt. Thi s new subtopi c i s si gnal ed v i sual l y by star ti ng a new sentence (D)
and ver bal l y by putti ng the topi c, “the excepti on” (key ter m ), at the begi nni ng
of the sentence as the subject of the sentence.
Signaling Subtopics in Paragraphs That Have No Topic

Sentence
Si gnal i ng subtopi cs i n paragraphs that have no topi c sentence i s tr i ck y. The
pr obl em i s that tw o si gnal s ar e needed at the begi nni ng of the paragraph— a
si gnal of the topi c of the paragraph and a si gnal of the f i r st subtopi c. It i s
P. 93
i m possi bl e to put both si gnal s f i r st, so one of the si gnal s w i l l be w eak , as
show n i n Ex am pl e 3. 41.
Example 3.41
ABlood flow to the s e rumins tille d lung decr eased i n the contr ol ex per i m ents
to 20% of basel i ne val ues and di d not change over 4 h (f i gur e 3). BIn contrast,
af ter betaadr ener gi c agoni sts , bl ood f l ow decr eased l ess (to about 75% of
basel i ne). CFur ther m or e, the bl ood f l ow r ecover ed to basel i ne l evel s by 2 h,
and at 4 h was even sl i ghtl y above basel i ne. DAf ter i ntravenous ni tr opr ussi de,
bl ood f l ow to the ser um i nsti l l ed l ung was si m i l ar to bl ood f l ow af ter beta
adr ener gi c agoni sts.
In Ex am pl e 3. 41, the topi c of the paragraph i s bl ood f l ow to the ser um i nsti l l ed

l ungs. The subtopi cs ar e contr ol ex per i m ents (A), betaadr ener gi c agoni sts (B–
C), and i ntravenous ni tr opr ussi de (D). The topi c of the paragraph i s si gnal ed by
putti ng the key ter m (“bl ood f l ow to the ser um i nsti l l ed l ung”) at the begi nni ng
of the f i r st sentence. Consequentl y, the si gnal of the f i r st subtopi c of the
paragraph (“i n the contr ol ex per i m ents”) m ust com e l ater i n the sentence and
ther ef or e i s w eak , i f not enti r el y usel ess. To f uncti on as a si gnal , the key ter m
m ust appear at the begi nni ng of the sentence. How ever, i f the author had put
“i n the contr ol ex per i m ents” at the begi nni ng of sentence A, the si gnal of the
topi c of the paragraph w oul d have been l ost.
If you m ust choose betw een si gnal i ng the topi c of a paragraph and si gnal i ng the
f i r st subtopi c, i t i s better to si gnal the topi c (the hi gher l evel of or gani zati on).
If you want to si gnal both the topi c and the f i r st subtopi c, the sol uti on i s to add
a topi c sentence.
Revision
AThe de c re a s e in pulmona ry blood flow tha t oc c urre d a fte r ins tilla tion of
s e rum w a s inhibite d by both be ta a dre ne rgic a gonis ts a nd nitroprus s ide .
BAfte r s e rum a lone (c ontrol), bl ood f l ow to the ser um i nsti l l ed l ung
decr eased to 20% of basel i ne val ues and di d not change over 4 h (f i gur e 3).
CIn contrast, af ter betaadr ener gi c agoni sts , bl ood f l ow decr eased l ess (to
about 75% of basel i ne). DFur ther m or e, the bl ood f l ow r ecover ed to basel i ne
l evel s by 2 h, and at 4 h was even sl i ghtl y above basel i ne. EAf ter i ntravenous
ni tr opr ussi de, bl ood f l ow to the ser um i nsti l l ed l ung was si m i l ar to bl ood f l ow
af ter betaadr ener gi c agoni sts.
N ow that a topi c sentence has been added, the topi c sentence si gnal s the topi c
of the paragraph and the transi ti on phrases at the begi nni ng of sentences B, C,
and E si gnal the subtopi cs.
The Duration of a Signal

When a subtopi c i s si gnal ed at the begi nni ng of a sentence, the si gnal hol ds
unti l you change i t. Thus, i n Ex am pl e 3. 41, the subtopi c of sentence B (“af ter
betaadr ener gi c agoni sts”) car r i es over to sentence C. That i s, w e k now that
r ecover y of bl ood f l ow to basel i ne l evel s took pl ace af ter betaadr ener gi c
agoni sts w er e gi ven. Si m i l ar l y, the topi c of the enti r e paragraph—bl ood f l ow to
the ser um i nsti l l ed l ung—hol ds thr oughout the paragraph. Even though the
ser um i nsti l l ed l ung i s not m enti oned i n sentences B and C, w e under stand that
the paragraph i s sti l l tal k i ng about bl ood f l ow to the ser um i nsti l l ed l ung. Thus,
si gnal i ng the topi c and subtopi cs of a paragraph i s a pow er f ul tool f or cr eati ng
conti nui ty i n a paragraph.
P. 94
SUMMARY
The topi c of a paragraph can be si gnal ed v i sual l y by begi nni ng a new
paragraph and ver bal l y by stati ng the topi c or the m essage i n a topi c
sentence at the begi nni ng of the paragraph.
Subtopi cs w i thi n a paragraph can be si gnal ed v i sual l y by begi nni ng a new

sentence and ver bal l y by nam i ng the subtopi c i n a key ter m at the
begi nni ng of the sentence, ei ther as the subject of the sentence or i n a
transi ti on phrase or cl ause.
If the subtopi cs ar e paral l el , the si gnal s shoul d be paral l el .
Si gnal s of subtopi cs al so f uncti on as si gnal s of how the paragraph i s

or gani zed.
A si gnal of a topi c or subtopi c pl aced at the begi nni ng of a paragraph or a

sentence hol ds unti l a new si gnal appear s.
P. 95
EXERCISE 3.9: SIGNALING SUBTOPICS

In the pa ra gra ph be low , s e nte nc e s C a nd D a re pa ra lle l. The s ubtopic
of s e nte nc e D is s igna le d (“ For the 47k D prote in” ). How e ve r, the s ubtopic
of s e nte nc e C is not s igna le d.
1. W rite a s igna l a t the be ginning of s e nte nc e C. Y our s igna l s hould be

pa ra lle l to the s igna l in s e nte nc e D.
2. Re pla c e the tra ns ition w ord “ the re fore ” in s e nte nc e B w ith a

tra ns ition phra s e tha t s ta te s the logic more c le a rly. Y our tra ns ition
phra s e s hould re pe a t a k e y te rm from s e nte nc e A.
ADire c t a mino a c id s e que nc e a na lys is of both the 57 a nd 47k D prote ins
on P VDF s how e d tha t the s e prote ins w e re bloc k e d a t the Nte rminus .
BThe re fore , inte rna l a mino a c id s e que nc e a na lys is w a s pe rforme d on the
prote ins from the SDSP AG E ge l. CNte rmina l s e que nc e a na lys is of a
mix ture of tw o c le a va ge fra gme nts obta ine d a fte r tryps in dige s tion a nd
pre pa ra tive HP LC yie lde d tw o a mino a c id re s idue s for e a c h of 11 c yc le s :
(Va l/Ala )–(P he /Trp)–(Tyr/P ro)–(Va l/His )–(As n/Lys )–(Va l/As p)–
(Le u/Tyr)–(As n/P ro?)–(G lu/Le u?)–(G lu/Ile ?)–(G ln/P ro?). DFor the 47k D
prote in, Nte rmina l s e que nc e a na lys is of a n inte rna l fra gme nt obta ine d
a fte r tryps in dige s tion a nd pre pa ra tive HP LC yie lde d 13 a mino a c id
re s idue s , c orre s ponding w ith a mino a c id re s idue s 203 to 215 of huma n
a lpha e nola s e (re f): As p–Ala –Thr–As n–Va l–G ly–As p–G lu–G ly–G ly–P he –
Ala –P ro.
Hi de Answ er
ADi r ect am i no aci d sequence anal y si s of both the 57 and the 47 k D
pr otei ns on PVDF show ed that the pr otei ns w er e bl ocked at the N
ter m i nus. BTo ove rc ome this bloc k , i nter nal am i no aci d sequence
anal y si s was per f or m ed on the pr otei ns f r om the SDSPAGE gel . CFor
the 57 k D prote in, N ter m i nal sequence anal y si s of a m i x tur e of tw o
cl eavage f ragm ents obtai ned af ter tr y psi n di gesti on and pr eparati ve
HPLC y i el ded tw o am i no aci d r esi dues f or each of 11 cycl es:
(Val /Al a)–(Phe/Tr p)–(Ty r /Pr o)–(Val /Hi s)–(Asn/Ly s)–(Val /Asp)–
(Leu/Ty r )–(Asn/Pr o?)–(Gl u/Leu?)–(Gl u/Il e?)–(Gl n/Pr o?). DFor the 47
k D pr otei n, N ter m i nal sequence anal y si s of an i nter nal f ragm ent
obtai ned af ter tr y psi n di gesti on and pr eparati ve HPLC y i el ded 13
am i no aci d r esi dues, cor r espondi ng w i th am i no aci d r esi dues 203 to
215 of hum an al phaenol ase (r ef ): Asp–Al a–Thr –Asn–Val –Gl y–Asp–
Gl u–Gl y–Gl y–Phe–Al a–Pr o.
“To ov er com e thi s bl ock ” at the begi nni ng of sentence B str engthens
the conti nui ty because thi s tr ansi ti on phr ase i s m or e pr eci se than the
tr ansi ti on w or d “ther ef or e. ”
P. 96
EXERCISE 3.10: PARALLEL FORM AND

SIGNALING SUBTOPICS
Ex a mple 1 Paral l el i sm i n Tw o Sentences; Si gnal i ng Subtopi cs

1. The pa ra gra ph be low de s c ribe s c ontra s ting re s ults (s e nte nc e s A a nd
C). Re w rite the pa ra gra ph s o tha t the c ontra s t is in pe rfe c t pa ra lle l
form. Y ou c a n omit the s e nte nc e a bout the c ontrols if you lik e . If you
k e e p the c ontrols , inc lude c ontrols for both ra ts a nd c a ts (the y a re
the s a me ) a nd do not put the c ontrols be tw e e n the tw o pa rts of the
c ontra s t.
2. Signa l the s ubtopic s by na ming the s ubtopic in a k e y te rm e ithe r a s

the s ubje c t of the s e nte nc e or in a tra ns ition phra s e a t the be ginning
of the s e nte nc e . If you k e e p the c ontrols , your s igna ling job w ill be
more c omple x be c a us e the pa ra gra ph w ill ha ve more s ubtopic s .
3. Ma k e the la s t s e nte nc e ma k e s e ns e (s o tha t c a ffe ine is a dde d a t only

one c onc e ntra tion a t a time ).
Note s :
Control c onditions = be fore c a ffe ine w a s a dde d.
The c ontrol re s pons e w a s the s a me in ra ts a nd in c a ts .
AIn ra t pa pilla ry mus c le , c a ffe ine (3 mM) c onve rte d loa ds e ns itive
re la x a tion (Fig. 1A, B) to loa dins e ns itive re la x a tion (Fig. 1C, Fig. 1D). BIn
c a t pa pilla ry mus c le , unde r c ontrol c onditions (Fig. 2A B), re la x a tion w a s
s e ns itive to loa d. CIn c ontra s t to the re s pons e in ra t pa pilla ry mus c le , the
a ddition of 3 mM c a ffe ine to c a t pa pilla ry mus c le (Fig. 2C. D), e ve n a t
c onc e ntra tions of 5 mM (Fig. 3A, B) or 10 mM, fa ile d to e limina te the loa d
s e ns itivity of re la x a tion.
Hi de Answ er
EXAMP LE Paral l el i sm i n Tw o Sentences; Si gnal i ng

1 Subtopi cs
Re vis ion (The ver si on you w oul d ex pect; that i s, the

1 second sentence i s ex actl y paral l el to the f i r st
sentence. The contr ol s ar e om i tted. )
In ra t pa pilla ry mus c le , 3 m M caf f ei ne conver ted l oadsensi ti ve

r el ax ati on (Fi g. 1A, B) to l oadi nsensi ti ve r el ax ati on (Fi g. 1C, D).
How ever, in c a t pa pilla ry mus c le , caf f ei ne di d not conver t l oad
sensi ti ve r el ax ati on to l oad i nsensi ti ve r el ax ati on at concentrati ons
of 3 m M (Fi g. 2), 5 m M (Fi g. 3), or 10 m M (data not show n).
Rev i si on 1 has tw o par al l el sentences. The sentences begi n w i th

par al l el si gnal s of the subtopi cs (“i n r at papi l l ar y m uscl e, ” “i n cat
papi l l ar y m uscl e”) and hav e the sam e sentence patter n: subject
(caf f ei ne), v er b (conv er ted, di d not conv er t), com pl eter . N ote that
the v er bs ar e ex act opposi tes. Other v er bs w oul d be l ess appr opr i ate:
“f ai l ed to conv er t” i m pl i es an a pr i or i ex pectati on of conv er si on,
w hi ch m ay not be r easonabl e; “f ai l ed to el i m i nate” (the or i gi nal
v er si on) i s not par al l el .
Or gani zed by the ani m al studi ed; ther ef or e, the si gnal of the
subtopi cs nam es the ani m al : “i n r at papi l l ar y m uscl e, ” “i n cat
papi l l ar y m uscl e. ”
Poi nt of v i ew : i ndependent v ar i abl e (caf f ei ne).
The l ast sentence no l onger descr i bes addi ng 3 m M caf f ei ne at 5

or 10 m M.
Re vis ion (A ver si on or gani zed l i ke Rev i si on 1 but m or e

2 conci se)
In rat papi l l ar y m uscl e, 3 m M caf f ei ne el i m i nated the l oad sensi ti v i ty

of r el ax ati on (Fi g. 1A, B, C, D). In contrast, i n cat papi l l ar y m uscl e, not
even 10 m M caf f ei ne el i m i nated the l oad sensi ti v i ty of r el ax ati on
(Fi gs. 2, 3).
Re vis ion (A ver si on that i ncl udes the contr ol r esul ts and
3 om i ts the noti on of “conver si on”)
U nde r c ontrol c onditions , the r el ax ati on of rat and cat papi l l ar y
m uscl es was l oad sensi ti ve (Fi gs. 1, 2). Afte r 3 mM c a ffe ine , the
r el ax ati on of ra t papi l l ar y m uscl e becam e l oad i nsensi ti ve (Fi g. 1)
but the r el ax ati on of c a t papi l l ar y m uscl e was sti l l l oad sensi ti ve
(Fi g. 2) and r em ai ned so even af ter 5 (Fi g. 3) or 10 m M caf f ei ne.
Or gani zed by the i ndependent v ar i abl e; ther ef or e, the si gnal of

the subtopi cs nam es the i ndependent v ar i abl e: “under contr ol
condi ti ons, ” “af ter 3 m M caf f ei ne. ”
Poi nt of v i ew : dependent var i abl e (r el ax ati on).
Re vis ion (A ver si on that has a topi c sentence. The

4 contr ol r esul ts ar e om i tted. )
Caf f ei ne had di f f er ent ef f ects on the l oad sensi ti v i ty of r el ax ati on i n

rat and cat papi l l ar y m uscl e. In ra t pa pilla ry mus c le , 3 m M caf f ei ne
conver ted the l oad sensi ti v i ty of r el ax ati on (Fi g. 1A, B) to l oad
i nsensi ti v i ty (Fi g. 1C, D). How ever, in c a t pa pilla ry mus c le , caf f ei ne
di d not conver t l oad sensi ti v i ty to l oad i nsensi ti v i ty at concentrati ons
of 3 m M (Fi g. 2), 5 m M (Fi g. 3), or 10 m M (data not show n).
Or gani zed by the ani m al studi ed.
Re vis ion (A ver si on that has a topi c sentence that

5 i ncl udes, and subor di nates, the contr ol )
Al though papi l l ar y m uscl e r el ax ati on was l oad sensi ti ve under contr ol
condi ti ons (no caf f ei ne) i n both rats (Fi g. 1) and cats (Fi g. 2),
r el ax ati on i n these m uscl es r esponded di f f er entl y to caf f ei ne. In ra t
pa pilla ry mus c le , r el ax ati on becam e l oad i nsensi ti ve w hen 3 m M
caf f ei ne was added to the bath (Fi g. 1). In contrast, in c a t pa pilla ry
mus c le , r el ax ati on r em ai ned l oad sensi ti ve af ter 3 m M (Fi g. 2), 5
m M (Fi g. 3), or 10 m M caf f ei ne was added to the bath.
Poi nt of v i ew : dependent v ar i abl e (r el ax ati on).
Re vis ion 6 (Shor test)
Caf f ei ne conver ted papi l l ar y m uscl e r el ax ati on f r om l oad sensi ti ve to

l oad i nsensi ti ve i n rats but not i n cats at al l concentrati ons tested
(Fi gs. 1, 2 and 3).
P. 97
Ex a mple 2 Paral l el i sm i n Mor e Than Tw o Sentences
In the pa ra gra ph be low , s e nte nc e s B a nd C a re on one s ubtopic (tra c he a l

s e gme nts fix e d in Bouin's fix a tive ) a nd s e nte nc e s D a nd E a re on a nothe r
s ubtopic (tra c he a l s e gme nts fix e d in 0. 2% gluta ra lde hyde ). Se nte nc e s B
a nd D pre s e nt pa ra lle l ide a s a nd a re w ritte n in pa ra lle l form. Se nte nc e s C
a nd E a ls o pre s e nt pa ra lle l ide a s , but the y a re not w ritte n in pa ra lle l form.
Re vis e s o tha t s e nte nc e s C a nd E a re in pa ra lle l form.
ATra c he a l s e gme nts w e re pla c e d e ithe r in Bouin's fix a tive for 24 h a t room
te mpe ra ture or in 0. 2% gluta ra lde hyde in 0. 08 M c a c odyla te buffe r (pH
7. 5) for 1 h a t 4° C. BTra c he a l s e gme nts fix e d in Bouin's fix a tive w e re
de hydra te d in gra de d e tha nol s olutions , c le a re d in a lpha te rpine ol, a nd
e mbe dde d in pa ra ffin. CP a ra ffine mbe dde d tis s ue s w e re s e c tione d a t 7 µm
w ith a rota ry mic rotome (Ame ric a n Optic a l). DTra c he a l s e gme nts fix e d in
0. 2% gluta ra lde hyde w e re de hydra te d in gra de d a c e tone s olutions a nd
e mbe dde d in a ra ldite (P olys c ie nc e s ). EThic k s e c tions (1 µm) w e re c ut w ith
a n ultra mic rotome (P orte rBlum MT1).
Hi de Answ er
Re vis ion 1
EAral di teem bedded ti ssues w er e secti oned at 1 µm w i th an

ul tram i cr otom e (Por ter Bl um MT1).
Re vis ion 2
B, CTracheal segm ents f i xed i n Boui n's f i x ati ve w er e dehydrated i n

graded ethanol sol uti ons, cl ear ed i n al phater pi neol , em bedded i n
paraf f i n, and secti oned at 7 µm w i th a r otar y m i cr otom e (Am er i can
Opti cal ). D , E Tracheal segm ents f i xed i n 0. 2% gl utaral dehyde w er e
dehydrated i n graded acetone sol uti ons, em bedded i n aral di te
(Pol y sci ences), and secti oned at 1 µm w i th an ul tram i cr otom e
(Por ter Bl um MT1).
Ex a mple 3 Pr eser v i ng Paral l el For m
The pa ra gra ph be low is the s a me a s Ex a mple 3. 36. The a uthor now w a nts
to inc lude a s ta te me nt a bout the ma te rna l re s pons e s to na lox one . The
ma te rna l re s pons e s w e re tha t none of the va ria ble s c ha nge d a fte r e ithe r
fe ta l or ma te rna l inje c tions of na lox one . Re vis e this pa ra gra ph, a dding the
ma te rna l re s pons e s w ithout de s troying the pa ra lle l form or the s igna ls of
the topic s .
AAfte r fe ta l inje c tion of na lox one , fe ta l a rte ria l blood pH a nd P O 2 both

de c re a s e d (from 7. 39 ± 0. 01 (SD) to 7. 35 ± 0. 02 a nd from 23. 0 ± 0. 5 to
20. 8 ± 0. 8 mmHg, re s pe c tive ly). BThe re w a s no c ha nge in fe ta l a rte ria l
blood P CO 2 . CAfte r ma te rna l inje c tion of na lox one , only fe ta l a rte ria l blood
P O 2 de c re a s e d (from 24. 4 ± 0. 8 to 22. 2 ± 1. 0 mmHg). DThe re w e re no
s ignific a nt c ha nge s in fe ta l a rte ria l blood pH or P CO 2 .
Hi de Answ er
EXAMP LE 3 Pr eser v i ng Paral l el For m
To av oi d destr oy i ng the par al l el f or m i n thi s par agr aph, use a topi c

sentence to state the contr ast betw een the f etuses and the m other s
and then, af ter a second topi c sentence, descr i be the detai l s f or the
f etuses.
Re vis ion
Injecti on of nal oxone al ter ed the ar ter i al bl ood gas and pH r esponses
of the f etuses but not those of the m other s. The f etal r esponses
depended on the si te of i njecti on. Af ter f etal i njecti on of nal oxone,
f etal ar ter i al bl ood pH and PO 2 both decr eased [f r om 7. 39 ± 0. 01
(SD) to 7. 35 ± 0. 02 and f r om 23. 0 ± 0. 5 to 20. 8 ± 0. 8 m m Hg,
r especti vel y ]. Ther e was no change i n f etal ar ter i al bl ood PCO 2 . Af ter
m ater nal i njecti on of nal oxone, onl y f etal ar ter i al bl ood PO 2
decr eased (f r om 24. 4 ± 0. 8 to 22. 2 ± 1. 0 m m Hg). Ther e w er e no
si gni f i cant changes i n f etal ar ter i al bl ood pH or PCO 2 .
P. 98
EMPHASIS
So f ar i n thi s chapter, w e have been concentrati ng on or gani zi ng paragraphs
and pr ov i di ng conti nui ty so that the r eader can f i nd the m essage of the
paragraph and can f ol l ow the stor y. In addi ti on, the r eader needs to k now w hat
i s i m por tant. N ot al l the i nf or m ati on i n a paragraph, or i n a paper, i s equal l y
i m por tant. To hel p the r eader f i nd the i m por tant i nf or m ati on, em phasi ze the
i m por tant i nf or m ati on and deem phasi ze l ess i m por tant i nf or m ati on.
Si x techni ques of em phasi s ar e
1. Condensi ng or om i tti ng l ess i m por tant i nf or m ati on
2. Subor di nati ng l ess i m por tant i nf or m ati on
3. Pl aci ng i m por tant i nf or m ati on i n a pow er posi ti on

4. Label i ng i m por tant i nf or m ati on
5. Repeati ng i m por tant i nf or m ati on
6. Stati ng rather than i m pl y i ng i m por tant i nf or m ati on
Condensing or Omitting
Possi bl y the m ost i m por tant techni que f or em phasi zi ng i m por tant i nf or m ati on i s
to deem phasi ze l ess i m por tant i nf or m ati on by condensi ng or om i tti ng i t. In
m any publ i shed paper s, the uni m por tant i nf or m ati on outw ei ghs the i m por tant
i nf or m ati on, so w e cannot see the f or est f or the tr ees. The sol uti on i s to f i nd a
bal ance betw een tw o ex tr em es: tel l i ng ever y thi ng you k now and getti ng a
m essage acr oss. Keep i n m i nd, “The m or e noi se, the l ess m essage.”
Condensi ng of ten needs to be done i n com bi nati on w i th other techni ques of

em phasi s, as show n i n the ex am pl es bel ow.
Subordinating
A second techni que f or deem phasi zi ng i m por tant i nf or m ati on i s to subor di nate
i t, f or ex am pl e by pl aci ng i t i n a subor di nate cl ause. In Ex am pl e 3. 42, sentence
B has too m uch em phasi s. It i nter r upts the stor y l i ne.
Example 3.42
AWe chose a per i od equal to thr ee ti m es the ti m e constant because 95% of the
change i n anestheti c concentrati on w i thi n a com par tm ent, and l i kew i se 95% of
the r ecover y f r om a com par tm ent, shoul d occur dur i ng thi s per i od.
P. 99
BThese per centages ar e r ough esti m ates of the am ount di str i buted to and
subsequentl y r ecover ed f r om each com par tm ent. CHow ever, the di sti nct
separati on of these com par tm ents m eans that m ost anestheti c el i m i nated f r om
each com par tm ent shoul d occur dur i ng the per i ods w e chose.
To m ake the stor y l i ne cl ear, sentence B, w hi ch i nter r upts the contrast stated i n
sentences A and C, can be deem phasi zed by bei ng pl aced i n a subor di nate
cl ause attached to sentence C and by bei ng condensed.
Revision
AWe chose a per i od equal to thr ee ti m es the ti m e constant because 95% of the
change i n anestheti c concentrati on w i thi n a com par tm ent, and l i kew i se 95% of
the r ecover y f r om a com par tm ent, shoul d occur dur i ng thi s per i od. BAl though
these per centages ar e r ough esti m ates, Cthe di sti nct separati on of these
com par tm ents m eans that m ost anestheti c el i m i nated f r om each com par tm ent
shoul d occur dur i ng the per i ods w e chose.
Power Position
Al though deem phasi zi ng l ess i m por tant i nf or m ati on by condensi ng, om i tti ng,
and subor di nati ng i t cl ear s away the under br ush, the author shoul d al so
em phasi ze i m por tant i nf or m ati on. One way to em phasi ze i m por tant i nf or m ati on
i s to put i t i n a pow er posi ti on. The pow er posi ti ons ar e f i r st and l ast. Fi r st i s
m ost pow er f ul . Reader s begi n r eadi ng sentences, paragraphs, and secti ons of a
paper at the begi nni ng, so you have thei r attenti on. That i s w hy, i f ther e i s onl y
one topi c sentence i n a paragraph, i t shoul d be pl aced f i r st. Si m i l ar l y, i f the
f i r st noun of the topi c sentence i s the subject and i denti f i es the topi c of the
paragraph, as i n Ex am pl e 3. 3 (“pul m onar y ner ve endi ngs”), that i s ver y
pow er f ul .
The m i ddl e posi ti on i s the bur i al gr ound. Thus, an i m por tant poi nt ex pr essed i n
the m i ddl e of a sentence or an i m por tant r esul t pl aced i n the m i ddl e of several
sentences of r esul ts i s al m ost i nv i si bl e.
P ow e r P os itions
Fi r st i n a sentence, paragraph, or secti on (m ost pr om i nent)
Last i n a sentence, paragraph, or secti on (second m ost pr om i nent)
Fi r st noun of the sentence as the subject of the sentence (ver y

pr om i nent)
Fi r st noun of the sentence, not as the subject (l ess pr om i nent)
W e a k P os itions
Mi ddl e of a sentence, paragraph, or secti on
Wor ds i n par entheses
Adjecti ve or noun i n the m i ddl e of a sentence
Ex am pl e 3. 43 pr esents a l i st of r esul ts i n num bi ng detai l . It i s di f f i cul t to tel l

w hi ch r esul ts ar e m ost i m por tant.
Example 3.43
AMean pul m onar y ar ter y pr essur e and car di ac output di d not change af ter
i nsti l l ati on of ser um al one or ser um w i th epi nephr i ne or ter butal i ne (tabl e 1).
BLef t atr i al pr essur e f el l sl i ghtl y bel ow the basel i ne af ter al l thr ee tr eatm ents,
but the decr ease was stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant onl y af ter epi nephr i ne (tabl e 1).
CPeak ai r way pr essur e i ncr eased sl i ghtl y af ter al l thr ee tr eatm ents, but the
i ncr ease was stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant onl y f or epi nephr i ne and ter butal i ne (tabl e
1). DTher e was a si gni f i cant i ncr ease i n l ung l y m ph f l ow and a si gni f i cant
decr ease i n the l y m phtopl asm a pr otei n concentrati on rati o af ter al l thr ee
tr eatm ents. EBoth the r i se i n l y m ph f l ow and the decr ease i n the l y m phto
pl asm a pr otei n concentrati on rati o w er e gr eater af ter ter butal i ne and
epi nephr i ne than af ter ser um al one (tabl e 2). F Ar ter i al ox ygen tensi on
decr eased af ter al l thr ee tr eatm ents, al though i t was al way s gr eater than 85
m m Hg.
The m ost i m por tant r esul t—sentence D—i s bur i ed i n the m i ddl e. To m ake the
i m por tant r esul t easi er to f i nd, i t shoul d be f i r st i n the paragraph.
P. 100
Revision
AAf ter ser um was i nsti l l ed ei ther al one or w i th one of the tw o betaadr ener gi c
agoni sts, l ung l y m ph f l ow i ncr eased and the l y m phtopl asm a pr otei n
concentrati on rati o decr eased. BBoth of these changes w er e gr eater af ter
ter butal i ne and epi nephr i ne than af ter ser um al one (tabl e 2). CAr ter i al ox ygen
tensi on decr eased, al though i t was al way s gr eater than 85 m m Hg. DTher e w er e
no i m por tant changes i n hem ody nam i cs or peak ai r way pr essur e (tabl e 1).
In the r ev i si on, the m ost i m por tant r esul t i s f i r st. The thr ee sentences of l east
i m por tant r esul ts ar e condensed to one sentence and pl aced l ast (sentence D).
In addi ti on, tw o other techni ques of condensi ng ar e used: The tr eatm ents ar e
nam ed at the begi nni ng of the paragraph, so they do not need to be r epeated i n
ever y sentence (as they ar e i n the or i gi nal paragraph). A categor y ter m
(“changes”) i s used i n sentence B to avoi d r epeati ng the detai l s of w hat
i ncr eased and w hat decr eased.
N ow that the i m por tant r esul t i s i n a pow er posi ti on (f i r st) and the noi seto
m essage rati o i s decr eased, the r esul ts i n thi s paragraph ar e cl ear.
Labeling
Another usef ul way to em phasi ze i m por tant i nf or m ati on i s to l abel i t as
i m por tant. For ex am pl e, a di scussi on secti on of a paper can begi n by say i ng,
“The m ost i m por tant f i ndi ng of thi s study i s… .” Si m i l ar l y, i ndi v i dual paragraphs
w i thi n a di scussi on can begi n by say i ng “One of the m ost str i k i ng f i ndi ngs of
our i nvesti gati ons was…” or “The m ost unusual aspect of the Odr 7 sequence
i s… .” Si m i l ar l y, l ess i m por tant i nf or m ati on can be l abel ed, as i n sentence D of
the r ev i si on of Ex am pl e 3. 43 above (“Ther e w er e no i m por tant changes i n…”).
Repeating
A f i f th way to em phasi ze i m por tant i nf or m ati on i s to r epeat i t. The m ost
i m por tant i nf or m ati on i n a paper i s the m essage. The m essage shoul d be stated
m or e than once—cer tai nl y i n the abstract and i n the Di scussi on. The m essage
can be r epeated i n the Di scussi on by bei ng stated both at the begi nni ng and at
the end. It can al so be stated i n the ti tl e.
Si m i l ar l y, i n i ndi v i dual paragraphs, the m essage of the paragraph can be

em phasi zed by bei ng stated i n a topi c sentence at the begi nni ng of the
paragraph and agai n i n a topi c sentence at the end, as i n Ex am pl e 3. 4 at the
begi nni ng of thi s chapter (sentences B and F).
Stating Rather Than Implying

Im por tant i nf or m ati on shoul d be stated, not l ef t f or the r eader to f i gur e out.
The m ost i m por tant i nf or m ati on i n a paragraph i s usual l y the m essage, so the
m essage shoul d al way s be stated, not m er el y i m pl i ed.
Som eti m es the author gets so i nvol ved i n uni m por tant detai l s that the m essage
goes unstated, as i n Ex am pl e 3. 44, f r om a di scussi on secti on.
Example 3.44
AThe f i nal var i abl e that can shi f t the pr essur edi m ensi on cur ve acutel y i s a
change i n tem peratur e. BRectal tem peratur e was m oni tor ed i n m any dogs
P. 101
and tended to dr i f t dow nwar d f r om 38 to 36°C. CThe gr eatest dr i f t i n
tem peratur e (to 36°C) occur r ed dur i ng the thoracotomy and then the
tem peratur e usual l y r em ai ned stabl e. DTem pl eton et al . (38) r epor ted gr eater
car di ac m uscl e sti f f ness and gr eater di astol i c pr essur e consi stent w i th a
l ef twar d shi f t i n the pr essur edi m ensi on cur ve at 33°C (P LVE D , 6. 6 m m Hg) than
at 37°C (P LVE D , 1. 8 m m Hg). EThe m ajor i ncr ease i n di astol i c pr essur e cam e at
tem peratur es bel ow 35°C. F The author s bel i eved that the el evati on i n di astol i c
pr essur e was m edi ated by changes i n v i scous rather than el asti c pr oper ti es.
G How ever, 1 al l r ecor ded tem peratur es i n the pr esent study w er e gr eater than
35°C, 2 tem peratur e was usual l y stabl e dur i ng the ex per i m ental pr otocol at 37°C,
and 3 ther e was no ev i dence that v i scous f actor s changed dur i ng m ax i m al
cor onar y bl ood f l ow.
When w e get to sentence D, our eyes begi n to gl aze over. Al though w e can
under stand w hat sentences D–G ar e say i ng, w e do not k now w hy w e ar e hear i ng
them . The i m pl i cati on i s not cl ear. What i s the m essage of al l thi s detai l ?
Revision
AThe f i nal var i abl e that can shi f t the pr essur edi m ensi on cur ve acutel y i s a
change i n tem peratur e. BIn our ex per i m ents, r ectal tem peratur e tended to dr i f t
dow nwar d f r om 38 to 36°C. CThe gr eatest dr i f t i n tem peratur e (to 36°C)
occur r ed dur i ng the thoracotomy and then tem peratur e usual l y r em ai ned stabl e.
X Thi schange i n tem peratur e pr obabl y di d not shi f t the pr essur edi m ensi on
cur ve, si nce a l ef twar d shi f t has been r epor ted onl y at tem peratur es bel ow
35°C (38).
The r ev i si on m akes the m essage cl ear, because the author states the m essage
(sentence X, under l i ned). The detai l s ar e unnecessar y, so they have been
om i tted.
Thus, deem phasi zi ng l ess i m por tant i nf or m ati on, by condensi ng, om i tti ng, or
subor di nati ng i t, al ong w i th em phasi zi ng i m por tant i nf or m ati on, by pl aci ng i t i n
a pow er posi ti on, l abel i ng i t, r epeati ng i t, and stati ng rather than i m pl y i ng i t,
m ake the m essage and the stor y of a paragraph cl ear.
P. 102
EXERCISE 3.11: CONDENSING

In the pa ra gra ph be low , w hic h is from a Re s ults s e c tion, the me s s a ge
is ha rd to s e e be c a us e of unne c e s s a ry re pe tition a nd unne c e s s a ry w ords .
1. Conde ns e this pa ra gra ph, omitting unne c e s s a ry re pe tition a nd

unne c e s s a ry w ords . Try to ma k e your re vis ion le s s tha n 35 w ords .
2. Afte r you ha ve finis he d c onde ns ing, improve s e nte nc e s truc ture a s

ne e de d.
Ma k e the topic the s ubje c t; put the a c tion in the ve rb.
Avoid noun c lus te rs .
Ke e p s e nte nc e s s hort.
Be s ure tha t pronouns a re c le a r.
U s e pa ra lle l form for pa ra lle l ide a s .
Note s :
1. Ex tra va s a tion = le a k ing of a s ubs ta nc e from the blood ve s s e ls ; in this

c a s e the s ubs ta nc e is Eva ns blue dye .
2. Be c a re ful not to c onfus e “ n min a fte r e x pos ure ” a nd “ a fte r n min of

e x pos ure . ” In this pa ra gra ph w e do not k now how long the e x pos ure
w a s , s o it is not a c c ura te to s a y “ a fte r n min of e x pos ure . ”
A s ignific a nt inc re a s e in Eva ns blue dye e x tra va s a tion w a s obs e rve d both
in the tra c he a a nd ma in bronc hi 45 a nd 60 min a fte r e x pos ure to ozone .
How e ve r, the re w a s no s ignific a nt inc re a s e in the a mount of e x tra va s a te d
Eva ns blue dye 15 or 30 min a fte r ozone e x pos ure e ithe r in the tra c he a or
in the ma in bronc hi. (55 w ords )
Hi de Answ er
Re vis ion 1
AEx travasati on of Evans bl ue dye Bwas i ncr eased both i n the trachea
and Ci n the m ai n br onchi 45 and 60 m i n af ter ex posur e to ozone,
Dbut not 15 or 30 m i n af ter ex posur e.
(32 w or ds)
A. N oun cl uster untangl ed, topi c = subject.
B. Acti on i n the v er b.
C. Par al l el f or m used.
D. Second sentence condensed.
Re vis ion 2 (to show the use of “onl y ”)
Ex travasati on of Evans bl ue dye was i ncr eased i n the trachea and the
m ai n br onchi onl y at 45 and 60 m i n af ter ex posur e to ozone.
(24 w or ds)
Re vis ion (to show condensi ng per m i tted by paral l el

3 f or m )
At 45 and 60 m i n af ter ex posur e to ozone, ex travasati on of Evans
bl ue dye was i ncr eased i n both the trachea and the m ai n br onchi ,
al though at 15 and 30 m i n i t was not.
(33 w or ds)
In al l r ev i si ons, the v er b m ust be “w as i ncr eased, ” not “i ncr eased. ”

The r eason i s that “i ncr eased” coul d i m pl y that 45 m i n w as the
m om ent w hen the i ncr ease began. How ev er , the i ncr ease coul d hav e
begun at 31 m i n.
P. 103
SUMMARY OF GUIDELINES FOR PARAGRAPH

STRUCTURE
GENERAL
To send a cl ear m essage and tel l a cl ear stor y, paragraphs shoul d be or gani zed,
shoul d have conti nui ty, and shoul d em phasi ze i m por tant i nf or m ati on.
SPECIFIC
Organization
Gi ve over v i ew f i r st, i n a topi c sentence. Then gi ve detai l s, i n l ogi cal l y
or gani zed suppor ti ng sentences.
Do not om i t any steps i n the l ogi c.
Continuity
Repeat key ter m s.
Repeat ex actl y.
Repeat ear l y.
Li nk key ter m s w hen you sw i tch f r om a speci f i c ter m to a categor y ter m ,

or v i ce ver sa.
U se transi ti on w or ds, phrases, or cl auses to i ndi cate l ogi cal r el ati onshi ps
betw een i deas.
Keep a consi stent or der.
Keep a consi stent poi nt of v i ew w hen the topi c of tw o or m or e sentences

i s the sam e.
U se paral l el f or m f or paral l el i deas.
Si gnal subtopi cs w i thi n a paragraph.
Emphasis
To deem phasi ze l ess i m por tant i nf or m ati on, condense, om i t, or
subor di nate i t.
To em phasi ze i m por tant i nf or m ati on, pl ace i t i n a pow er posi ti on, l abel i t,
r epeat i t, and state i t rather than just i m pl y i ng i t.
Back
Introduction
In Secti on I, The Bui l di ng Bl ock s of Wr i ti ng, w e saw how to choose w or ds and

how to ar range w or ds i n sentences and paragraphs. In Secti on II, w e m ove to
the nex t l ar ger uni t of thought—the secti ons of a bi om edi cal r esear ch paper.
Pr i nci pl es f or w r i ti ng each secti on of a r esear ch paper ar e based on pr i nci pl es

of paragraph str uctur e. In addi ti on, som e speci f i c pr i nci pl es of w or d choi ce and
sentence str uctur e that ar e par ti cul ar l y r el evant to var i ous secti ons of the
r esear ch paper ar e i ncl uded i n the appr opr i ate chapter s.
Bef or e tur ni ng to the pr i nci pl es f or w r i ti ng i ndi v i dual secti ons of the r esear ch
paper, w e need to under stand the stor y l i ne that r uns thr ough the paper. The
stor y l i ne r ef l ects the sci enti f i c m ethod. Si nce m ost paper s i n bi om edi cal f i el ds
test hy potheses, w e w i l l f ocus on hy pothesi stesti ng paper s. The basi c stor y
l i ne i n hy pothesi stesti ng paper s has f our par ts:
Story Line in a HypothesisTesting Paper
Questi on asked (= hy pothesi s)

Ex per i m ents done to answ er the questi on (to test the hy pothesi s)
Resul ts f ound that answ er the questi on
Answ er to the questi on (= w hether the hy pothesi s i s tr ue)
We w i l l al so l ook br i ef l y at paper s descr i bi ng tw o other ty pes of r esear ch:

descr i pti ve paper s and m ethods paper s.
A descr i pti v e paper i s a paper that descr i bes a new l y di scover ed object, such
as a str uctur e. The basi c stor y l i ne i n a descr i pti ve paper i s as f ol l ow s:
Story Line in a Descriptive Paper
Message (ex am pl e, descr i pti on of a str uctur e)

Ex per i m ents done to obtai n the m essage
Resul ts f ound that l ead to the m essage
Im pl i cati on based on the m essage
(f or ex am pl e, the f uncti on of the str uctur e)
P. 106
A m ethods paper i s a paper that descr i bes a new or i m pr oved m ethod,
m ater i al , or apparatus. The basi c stor y l i ne i n a m ethods paper i s as f ol l ow s:
Story Line in a Methods Paper
Method, m ater i al , or apparatus bei ng descr i bed

Key f eatur es of the m ater i al or apparatus, or how the m ethod or
apparatus w or k s, or both
How the m ethod, m ater i al , or apparatus was tested
How w el l the m ethod, m ater i al , or apparatus w or k s (= r esul ts of the
tests)
Advantages and di sadvantages of the m ethod, m ater i al , or apparatus
Appl i cati ons of the m ethod, m ater i al , or apparatus
Each of the stor y l i nes i s pr esented i n a paper that has f our m ai n secti ons:
Intr oducti on, Mater i al s and Methods, Resul ts, and Di scussi on. In addi ti on, the
stor y l i nes ar e suppl em ented by the other par ts of a r esear ch paper : f i gur es
and tabl es, ti tl e, abstract, and r ef er ences. Wher e i n the paper each step i n the
stor y l i ne i s pr esented i s show n i n the tabl e bel ow :
Type of P a pe r Ste p in the Story Line P a rt of the

P a pe r
Hy pothesi stesti ng Questi on Intr oducti on

A1 Ex per i m ents Methods
Resul ts Resul ts
Answ er Di scussi on
Hy pothesi stesti ng Questi on Intr oducti on

B2 Ex per i m ents Resul ts
Resul ts Resul ts
Answ er Di scussi on
Descr i pti ve Message Intr oducti on
Ex per i m ents Methods
Resul ts Resul ts
Im pl i cati on Di scussi on
Methods Method Intr oducti on

Key f eatur es or how i t Methods
w or k s Methods
How i t was tested Resul ts
How w el l i t w or k s Di scussi on
Advantages and Di scussi on
di sadvantages
Appl i cati ons
1 A, studi es i n w hi ch al l ex per i m ents ar e desi gned i n advance.

2 B, studi es i n w hi ch the r esul ts of one ex per i m ent deter m i ne w hat the
nex t ex per i m ent w i l l be.
As w e go thr ough the f our secti ons of the paper, and the other par ts of the
paper, w e w i l l see how to w r i te these stor y l i nes so that they ar e cl ear f r om
the f i r st w or d of the Intr oducti on to the l ast w or d of the Di scussi on.
Back
Chapter 4
The Introduction
FUNCTIONS
The Intr oducti on has tw o f uncti ons. One i s to awaken the r eader 's i nter est. The
other i s to be i nf or m ati ve enough to pr epar e r eader s, w hether or not they ar e
speci al i sts i n your f i el d, to under stand the paper.
To awaken i nter est, an Intr oducti on shoul d be di r ect and to the poi nt, and i t
shoul d be as shor t as possi bl e consi stent w i th cl ar i ty and i nf or m ati veness. In
addi ti on, i t shoul d be w r i tten i n a r eadabl e sty l e (see Chaps. 1 and 2).
To be i nf or m ati ve, an Intr oducti on shoul d f ol l ow the gui del i nes gi ven bel ow.
STORY LINE
The Intr oducti on secti on of a paper pr esents the f i r st step i n the stor y l i ne.
What the f i r st step i s depends on the ty pe of r esear ch. In a hy pothesi stesti ng
paper, the f i r st step i s the questi on. In a descr i pti ve paper, i t i s the m essage—
f or ex am pl e, the key f eatur es of a new str uctur e. In a m ethods paper, i t i s the
new or i m pr oved m ethod, m ater i al , or apparatus. How thi s f i r st step i s
pr esented f or the var i ous ty pes of paper s i s ex pl ai ned bel ow.
CONTENT FOR HYPOTHESISTESTING PAPERS

Known, Unknown, Question
For a hy pothesi stesti ng paper, w hat the r eader needs to k now f r om the
Intr oducti on i s w hat the questi on of the study was and w her e i t cam e f r om , that
i s, w hy the author i s ask i ng thi s questi on. The questi on, w hi ch i s the m ost
i m por tant statem ent i n the Intr oducti on, i s stated ei ther as a questi on or as a
hy pothesi s. The stor y of w her e the questi on cam e f r om i s com posed of w hat i s
k now n or bel i eved about the topi c and w hat i s sti l l unk now n or pr obl em ati c.
Material and Animal or Population

The Intr oducti on shoul d al so nam e the m ater i al (m ol ecul e, cel l l i ne, ti ssue,
or gan) studi ed and the or gani sm f r om w hi ch i t cam e, or the ani m al or hum an
P. 108
popul ati on studi ed. When necessar y, thi s statem ent can be ex panded i nto a
statem ent of the ex per i m ental appr oach taken to answ er the questi on.
No Answer, Results, or Implications

The answ er to the questi on shoul d not be i ncl uded i n the Intr oducti on.
Si m i l ar l y, r esul ts shoul d not be i ncl uded i n the Intr oducti on, nor shoul d
i m pl i cati ons. The pur pose of the Intr oducti on i s to l ead i nto the paper. Answ er s,
r esul ts, and i m pl i cati ons sound l i ke the end of the abstract. They cl ose of f
rather than l eadi ng i n.
Retrospective vs. Prospective Study Design
If a study was r etr ospecti ve, that i s, i f a questi on was asked af ter the data
w er e gather ed, the f act that the study was r etr ospecti ve m ust be stated i n the
Intr oducti on. For ex am pl e, “In thi s r etr ospecti ve study, w e asked w hether… .” If
a study was pr ospecti ve, that i s, i f the ex per i m ents w er e desi gned and the data
w er e gather ed speci f i cal l y to answ er the questi on, that f act does not need to be
stated. If a study was par tl y r etr ospecti ve and par tl y pr ospecti ve, each par t
shoul d be i denti f i ed i n the Intr oducti on.
References
The statem ents about w hat i s k now n m ust i ncl ude r ef er ences (see Ex am pl es 4. 1
and 4. 2 on p. 110). The r ef er ences shoul d be chosen to r ef l ect the key w or k
that l ed to the questi on of your paper.
The num ber of r ef er ences shoul d be kept to a m i ni m um . If a l ot of w or k has

been done on the topi c, sel ect paper s descr i bi ng the f i r st, the m ost i m por tant,
the m ost el egant, and the m ost r ecent studi es. Keep i n m i nd that r ef er ence
l i sts i n paper s you ci te can l ead r eader s to other r ef er ences. You can al so ci te
r ev i ew ar ti cl es.
Newness, Importance
Bi om edi cal jour nal s l i ke to publ i sh paper s descr i bi ng w or k that i s “new, tr ue,
i m por tant, and com pr ehensi bl e” (DeBakey, 1976). The Intr oducti on i s the pl ace
to m ake cl ear that the w or k i s new (by stati ng the “unk now n”). The Intr oducti on
can al so i ndi cate w hy the w or k i s i m por tant, i f the i m por tance i s not obv i ous.
The i m por tance of the w or k can al so, or i nstead, be stated, and ex pl ai ned, i n
the Di scussi on.
ORGANIZATION FOR HYPOTHESISTESTING PAPERS
Funnel Shape
Known, Unknown, Question
Fi gur e. N o Capti on Avai l abl e.
The Intr oducti on f ol l ow s a standar d patter n of or gani zati on—the f unnel . The
i dea of a f unnel i s to star t br oadl y and then to nar r ow step by step to a f ocal
poi nt. In the Intr oducti on to a hy pothesi stesti ng paper, the f unnel has a
m i ni m um of thr ee steps: w hat i s k now n about the topi c, w hat i s not k now n, and
the questi on. The questi on i s the f ocal poi nt. Thi s stepbystep nar r ow i ng i s the
gener i c stor y that al l i ntr oducti ons of hy pothesi stesti ng paper s tel l : “her e
P. 109
i s w hat i s k now n now, her e i s w hat i s not yet k now n, her e i s w hat our questi on
was.” Wi thi n thi s gener i c f ram ew or k , a vast ar ray of speci f i c stor i es can be
tol d. The r eader shoul d be abl e to see thi s gener i c f ram ew or k i n ever y
Intr oducti on, and shoul d al so be abl e to f ol l ow the speci f i c l ogi cal steps that
l ead to the questi on of the i ndi v i dual paper.
Known
AThe k now n i s the f i r st step i n the f unnel . The k now n of ten i ncl udes m any
sentences, w hi ch nar r ow by appr opr i ate sci enti f i c l ogi c to the unk now n.
Unknown
BThe unk now n i s usual l y just one sentence. Though br i ef, the statem ent of the
unk now n i s i m por tant f or tw o r easons. One r eason i s that the unk now n
i ndi cates that the w or k i s new. The other r eason i s that the unk now n i s the step
that l i nk s the k now n and the questi on, cr eati ng a stor y l i ne.
A cr uci al f eatur e of the unk now n i s that i t i s v i r tual l y the sam e as the questi on.
For ex am pl e, i n Ex am pl e 4. 1 (p. 110), the si te i s unk now n. The questi on i s,
“w hat i s the si te?” Thus, once the unk now n i s stated, the questi on i s
deter m i ned.
Question
The questi on i s the speci f i c topi c of the paper and the end of the f unnel . (The
general topi c of the paper i s nam ed i n the f i r st sentence of w hat i s k now n. )
Experimental Approach
The Intr oducti on can end w i th the statem ent of the questi on or can go on to
state the ex per i m ental appr oach. If the ex per i m ental appr oach i s i ncl uded, the
l ogi cal pl ace f or i t i s af ter the questi on. Putti ng the ex per i m ental appr oach
bef or e the questi on (tr eati ng the ex per i m ental appr oach as “back gr ound”) does
not w or k . The back gr ound (k now n, unk now n) i s w hat l eads to the questi on. The
ex per i m ental appr oach does not l ead to the questi on; i t f ol l ow s f r om the
questi on: “Her e i s our questi on; her e i s how w e w ent about answ er i ng our
questi on.”
Importance
Ther e i s no par ti cul ar spot i n the f unnel f or i ndi cati ng the i m por tance of the
w or k . Som eti m es the i m por tance i s not i ndi cated, as i n Ex am pl e 4. 1. In
Ex am pl e 4. 2, the i m por tance i s i m pl i ed by sentence K, near the end of the
Intr oducti on. In Ex am pl es 4. 3 and 4. 4, the i m por tance i s stated rather than
i m pl i ed, and i n var i ous pl aces i n the Intr oducti on: i n the m i ddl e (Ex am pl e 4. 3,
sentence D) and at the begi nni ng (Ex am pl e 4. 4, sentence A). In other
Intr oducti ons, the i m por tance m ay be stated i n other sentences.
Ex am pl e 4. 1 i l l ustrates an Intr oducti on consi sti ng of a br i ef f unnel : one

sentence each f or the k now n and the unk now n, and a thi r d sentence f or the
questi on f ol l ow ed by the ex per i m ental appr oach. Speci f i cal l y, the f i r st sentence
nam es the general topi c of the paper (bar bi turates' depr essi on of the
br onchom otor r esponse to vagus ner ve sti m ul ati on) and tel l s w hat i s k now n
about i t. The second sentence states the unk now n (w hi ch si te i s m ost sensi ti ve
to depr essi on), w hi ch l eads i m m edi atel y to the questi on. The questi on nam es
the speci f i c topi c (w hi ch si te i n the vagal m otor pathway to the br onchi ol es i s
m ost sensi ti ve to thi s depr essi on).
Ex a mple 4. 1: A Br i ef Intr oducti on
P. 110
AIt i s k now n that several general anestheti cs, i ncl udi ng bar bi turates, depr ess
the br onchom otor r esponse to vagus ner ve sti m ul ati on (1, 7, 9). BHow ever, the
si te of thi s depr essi on has not been deter m i ned. CTo deter m i ne w hi ch si te i n
the vagal m otor pathway to the br onchi ol es i s m ost sensi ti ve to depr essi on by
bar bi turates, Dw e di d ex per i m ents i n i sol ated r i ngs of f er r et trachea i n w hi ch
w e sti m ul ated thi s pathway at f our di f f er ent si tes bef or e and af ter ex posur e to
bar bi turates.
Longer i ntr oducti ons al so f ol l ow thi s f unnel shape but ex pand i t. One way to
ex pand the f unnel i s to ex tend w hat i s k now n, as i n Ex am pl e 4. 2. In thi s
Intr oducti on, tw o paragraphs state w hat i s k now n. Paragraph 3 f i ni shes the
f unnel : J i m pl i es an unk now n; K i m pl i es another unk now n and al so i m pl i es the
i m por tance of the w or k (that w e ar e f i ndi ng an overar chi ng m echani sm f or a
var i ety of si m i l ar f uncti ons i n di sparate speci es); L states the hy pothesi s; M
states the ex per i m ental appr oach.
Ex a mple 4. 2: A Longer Intr oducti on

1 AHear t devel opm ent i n ani m al s as di f f er ent as i nsects and ver tebrates
i nvol ves r el ated N K2 f am i l y hom eobox genes (r ev i ew ed i n r ef. 1). B In Dr o
sophi l a, the ti nm an hom eobox gene i s ex pr essed i n car di ac pr ecur sor s, and
ti nm an m utants com pl etel y l ack a hear t (2–4). C Li kew i se i n ver tebrates, the
nk x 2. 5 hom eobox gene i s ex pr essed i n myocar di al pr ecur sor s (5–9), and m ouse
N k x 2–5 m utants ex hi bi t def ects i n car di ac m or phogenesi s and gene ex pr essi on
(10). DThi s r em ar k abl e m ol ecul ar conser vati on suggests that a com m on
m echani sm contr ol s hear t devel opm ent i n a w i de var i ety of speci es.
2 E U nl i ke i nsects and ver tebrates, nem atodes have no hear t or def i ned
ci r cul ator y sy stem . F How ever, ev i dence suggests that the nem atode phar y nx , a
r hy thm i cal l y contracti ng or gan i nvol ved i n f eedi ng, shar es f uncti onal and
m ol ecul ar si m i l ar i ti es w i th the hear t i n other speci es. G At the f uncti onal l evel ,
phar y ngeal m uscl e contracti on, l i ke the contracti on of ver tebrate car di ac
m uscl e, does not r equi r e ner vous sy stem i nput (11). H At the m ol ecul ar l evel ,
phar y ngeal m uscl e devel opm ent i nvol ves not the MyoD f am i l y of myogeni c
r egul ator y f actor s (12, 13) but the hom eobox gene ceh22, w hi ch i s r el ated to
ti nm an and nk x 2. 5. I ceh22 i s ex pr essed excl usi vel y i n phar y ngeal m uscl e,
w her e i t bi nds the enhancer of the phar y ngeal m uscl especi f i c m y o2 gene, and
a ceh22 m utant di spl ay s def ects i n phar y ngeal m or phol ogy and f uncti on (13,
14).
3 JThese f uncti onal and m ol ecul ar si m i l ar i ti es suggest that these genes per f or m
si m i l ar f uncti ons. KThi s suggesti on i n tur n i m pl i es that the m echani sm that
contr ol s hear t devel opm ent i n i nsects and ver tebrates m ay al so contr ol
phar y ngeal devel opm ent i n nem atodes. LWe ther ef or e hy pothesi zed that the
nem atode gene ceh22 and the ver tebrate gene nk x 2. 5 per f or m si m i l ar
f uncti ons. MTo test thi s hy pothesi s, w e ex am i ned the abi l i ty of the zebraf i sh
nk x 2. 5 gene (8, 9) to substi tute f or the nem atode ceh22 gene i n transgeni c
Caenor habdi ti s el egans.
Continuity
In ver y shor t i ntr oducti ons, the stor y l i ne i s easy to f ol l ow because each
sentence, or par t of a sentence, i s a step i n the stor y. How ever, i n l onger
i ntr oducti ons, the stor y l i ne can be di f f i cul t to f ol l ow. The r eason i s that l onger
i ntr oducti ons tel l stor i es on tw o l evel s: the overal l stor y (k now n, unk now n,
questi on),
P. 111
w hi ch r uns thr oughout the Intr oducti on, and m i ni stor i es, w hi ch r un w i thi n
paragraphs or par ts of paragraphs.
How can w e ensur e that the overal l stor y i s cl ear w hen w e i nter sper se m i ni
stor i es al ong the way ? In other w or ds, how do w e keep an overal l stor y goi ng
af ter i t i s i nter r upted? The answ er i s that w e use al l of our techni ques of
conti nui ty and topi c sentences.
The Overall Story

Let us see how the overal l stor y l i ne i s kept goi ng i n Ex am pl e 4. 2. The steps i n
the overal l stor y ar e tw o k now ns (A, E–F), tw o unk now ns (J, K), the questi on
(L), and the ex per i m ental appr oach (M). Thi s stor y i s i nter r upted by tw o m i ni
stor i es: B–D and G–I.
Speci f i cal l y, the k now n i n A (and i n al l of paragraph 1) i s about the

i nvol vem ent of si m i l ar genes i n the hear t devel opm ent of ver y di f f er ent
ani m al s, w hi ch i s par t of the topi c of thi s paper, but not the m ai n par t. The
stor y nar r ow s to the m ai n par t of the topi c i n step 2 (paragraph 2), w hi ch
states w hat i s k now n about another contracti l e or gan, the phar y nx (F, G), and
speci f i cal l y about a gene i nvol ved i n phar y ngeal devel opm ent (H, I). The
unk now ns, stated i n the f i r st tw o sentences of paragraph 3 (J, K), ar e w hether
tw o r el ated genes per f or m si m i l ar f uncti ons and, m or e general l y, w hether the
m echani sm s that contr ol the devel opm ent of the tw o di f f er ent contracti l e
or gans ar e the sam e. The questi on, i n sentence L, i s based on the f i r st
unk now n. The r eason f or the second unk now n i s to pr epar e f or the br oader
i ssue, on w hi ch the author s specul ate at the end of the Di scussi on, and to
i ndi cate the i m por tance of the questi on. (The i m por tance of the topi c i s stated
i n sentence D. ) The ex per i m ental appr oach (M) tel l s how the author s w ent
about answ er i ng thei r questi on.
The Techniques of Continuity

What techni ques of conti nui ty m ake the stor y l i ne stand out? One techni que i s
to star t a new paragraph f or each of the f i r st thr ee steps i n the stor y (the tw o
k now ns, sentences A and E–F, and the f i r st unk now n, J). That i s, these steps i n
the stor y (the i m por tant i nf or m ati on) ar e pl aced i n pow er posi ti ons.
In addi ti on, to m ove cl ear l y f r om step 1 (the f i r st k now n) to step 2 (the second
k now n) af ter an i nter veni ng m i ni stor y (B–D), a transi ti on phrase (“U nl i ke
i nsects and ver tebrates”) i s used at the begi nni ng of step 2 (sentence E) to l i nk
step 2 to step 1. Thi s transi ti on phrase i ncl udes the r epeated key ter m s
“i nsects” and “ver tebrates,” and the transi ti on w or d “unl i ke,” w hi ch i ndi cates a
di f f er ence betw een the ani m al s i n paragraph 1 and those i n paragraph 2. Thi s
di f f er ence i s speci f i ed i n sentence E and i s f ol l ow ed by si m i l ar i ti es, w hi ch ar e
the i m por tant i ssue, i n sentence F. Al so hel pf ul i s the def i ni ti on of “phar y nx ” i n
sentence F, because thi s def i ni ti on speci f i es the i m por tant si m i l ar i ty betw een
the phar y nx and the hear t—r hy thm i c contracti on.
To m ove f r om step 2 (k now n) to step 3 (unk now n) af ter another i nter veni ng
m i ni stor y (G–I), the thi r d step (sentence J) begi ns by r estati ng step 2 (the
f uncti onal and m ol ecul ar si m i l ar i ti es of the hear t and the phar y nx ) as the
subject of the sentence and then states the thi r d step i n the ver b and com pl eter
(the possi bi l i ty of si m i l ar gene f uncti ons). The r estated second step uses
ex actl y the sam e key ter m s that w er e used w hen step 2 was stated the f i r st
ti m e (F). Repeati ng an ear l i er step as the subject of the sentence that states
the nex t step i s an ef f ecti ve way to use r epeated key ter m s to cr eate
conti nui ty, especi al l y af ter a m i ni stor y that i nter r upts the tw o steps.
P. 112
The r est of the overal l stor y then f ol l ow s i n the f i nal thr ee sentences (K, L, M).
The second unk now n (K), w hi ch i ndi cates the i m por tance of the w or k , connects
to the f i r st unk now n (J) by a r epeated key ter m (“suggesti on”) and a transi ti on
w or d (“i n tur n”). The questi on (L) connects to the unk now ns by a transi ti on
w or d (“ther ef or e”) and by r epeated key ter m s (“gene,” “f uncti ons”). The
ex per i m ental appr oach (M) connects to the questi on by a transi ti on phrase that
contai ns a r epeated key ter m (“To test thi s hy pothesi s”) and by other r epeated
key ter m s (“nk x 2. 5 gene,” “nem atode ceh22 gene”).
The MiniStories
The m i ni stor i es i n paragraphs 1 and 2 f l esh out the overal l stor y. Thus, i n
paragraph 1, sentences B and C pr ov i de detai l s about speci f i c genes and thei r
ef f ects on hear t devel opm ent. Sentence D states an i m pl i cati on of B and C. Thi s
i m pl i cati on (a com m on m echani sm f or hear t devel opm ent) pr epar es f or the
m or e gl obal i m pl i cati on i n sentence K (a com m on m echani sm f or hear t and
phar y nx devel opm ent).
Conti nui ty i n sentences B and C of the m i ni stor y i n paragraph 1 i s pr ov i ded by

al l of our techni ques of conti nui ty : paral l el transi ti on phrases that si gnal
subtopi cs i n sentences B and C (“In Dr osophi l a,” “i n ver tebrates”), consi stent
or der of the subtopi cs i n A and B–C (i nsects, ver tebrates), a transi ti on w or d at
the begi nni ng of C (“Li kew i se”), paral l el f or m i n the f i r st hal ves of sentences B
and C, consi stent poi nt of v i ew i n the second hal ves of B and C, and r epeated
key ter m s (“hear t,” “hom eobox genes,” “ver tebrates,” “pr ecur sor s,” “car di ac,”
“devel opm ent”). (In sentence B, “Dr osophi l a” i s a speci f i c ter m i n the categor y
“i nsects” nam ed i n sentence A. The key ter m s ar e not l i nked, so the r eader has
to k now that Dr osophi l a i s an i nsect. ) Conti nui ty f r om C to D i s pr ov i ded onl y
by an unl i nked categor y ter m , “Thi s r em ar k abl e m ol ecul ar conser vati on.”
In the m i ni stor y i n paragraph 2, sentences G–I pr ov i de detai l s of the f uncti onal

and m ol ecul ar si m i l ar i ti es m enti oned i n sentence F. Sentence G nam es the
f uncti onal si m i l ar i ty. Sentences H and I nam e the m ol ecul ar si m i l ar i ty and
pr ov i de detai l s about the gene. Conti nui ty i n thi s m i ni stor y i s pr ov i ded by the
sam e techni ques as those used i n paragraph 2. (Inci dental l y, i n paragraph 2 the
key ter m “phar y ngeal ” i s used f i ve ti m es i n 70 w or ds. That i s once ever y 14
w or ds. Di d thi s r epeti ti on bother you?)
Topic Sentences
In addi ti on to the steps of the overal l stor y l i ne bei ng i n pr om i nent posi ti ons
and al l the techni ques of conti nui ty bei ng used, topi c sentences hel p ensur e
that the stor y l i ne i s cl ear i n l onger i ntr oducti ons.
Shor t i ntr oducti ons m ay not have any topi c sentences. In Ex am pl e 4. 1, ever y
sentence, or par t of a sentence, i s a step i n the stor y. N o separate sentences of
suppor ti ng detai l s ar e pr ov i ded, so w e have no topi c sentences. How ever,
l onger i ntr oducti ons have separate sentences of suppor ti ng detai l s. Ther ef or e,
the sentences i n the overal l stor y that the suppor ti ng sentences suppor t becom e
topi c sentences. In Ex am pl e 4. 2, sentences A (suppor ted by B–D) and F
(suppor ted by G–I) ar e topi c sentences.
The Question as a SuperTopic Sentence

One other sentence i n the Intr oducti on can be v i ew ed as a topi c sentence: the
questi on. The questi on i s the topi c sentence not of a si ngl e paragraph but of the
paper as a w hol e. Thus, the questi on i s a super topi c sentence. Just as a topi c
sentence gi ves an over v i ew of a paragraph, the questi on gi ves an over v i ew of
P. 113
the paper. And just as ever y sentence i n a paragraph r el ates to the topi c
sentence, so ever y sentence i n the paper r el ates to the questi on. That i s one
r eason w hy a pr eci se statem ent of the questi on i s so i m por tant.
WRITING
The Unknown
The unk now n i s cl ear est i f i t i s stated outr i ght, as i n Ex am pl e 4. 1, sentence B:
“the si te… has not been deter m i ned.” Other way s of stati ng the unk now n outr i ght
ar e “has not been establ i shed,” “i s uncl ear,” “i s unk now n,” etc.
The unk now n m ay al so be i m pl i ed rather than stated. One way to i m pl y an
unk now n i s to state a suggesti on or a possi bi l i ty, as i n Ex am pl e 4. 2, paragraph
3, sentence J. By say i ng that f uncti onal and m ol ecul ar si m i l ar i ti es suggest that
the genes per f or m si m i l ar f uncti ons, Ex am pl e 4. 2 i m pl i es that w hether the
genes actual l y do per f or m si m i l ar f uncti ons i s not yet k now n. Si m i l ar l y, i f you
say som ethi ng i s possi bl e, that i m pl i es that i s i t not yet k now n.
Som eti m es an Intr oducti on f unnel s f r om the k now n to a pr obl em w i th w hat i s

k now n. In thi s case, the unk now n shoul d sti l l be stated or at l east i m pl i ed, as
Ex a mple 4. 3: Know n, Pr obl em , Questi on
AMetabol i c al k al osi s dur i ng exer ci se i ncr eases bl ood l actate concentrati ons
substanti al l y beyond the concentrati ons obser ved dur i ng exer ci se i n the
absence of m etabol i c al k al osi s (8, 10, 16). BConver sel y, m etabol i c aci dosi s
decr eases bl ood l actate concentrati ons. CHow ever, f or these i nvesti gati ons,
al k al i was i ngested or i nf used, w hi ch i s an ar ti f i ci al si tuati on. DMor e i m por tant
cl i ni cal l y i s the ef f ect of r espi rator y al k al osi s, w hi ch occur s dur i ng exer ci se i n
a var i ety of ci r cum stances that i nvol ve i ncr eased r espi rator y dr i ve. EThese
ci r cum stances i ncl ude i nter sti ti al l ung di sease and congesti ve hear t f ai l ur e.
FTher ef or e, i n thi s study w e asked w hether r espi rator y al k al osi s dur i ng
exer ci se, l i ke m etabol i c al k al osi s dur i ng exer ci se, i ncr eases bl ood l actate
concentrati ons m or e than exer ci se al one does. GWe used a new bi of eedback
m ethod by w hi ch venti l ati on, and thus ar ter i al PCO 2 and pH, can be pr eci sel y
adjusted i ndependentl y of m etabol i c rate.
In Ex am pl e 4. 3, the pr obl em w i th the pr ev i ous studi es i s that al k al osi s was

i nduced ar ti f i ci al l y. The nex t sentence states the sol uti on: usi ng a m or e
cl i ni cal l y r el evant way of i nduci ng al k al osi s. The i m pl i ed unk now n i s that the
cl i ni cal l y r el evant si tuati on has not been studi ed. Thi s i m pl i ed unk now n l eads to
the questi on.
The Question
Precision
The m ost sci enti f i c way of stati ng the questi on of hy pothesi stesti ng r esear ch i s
as a hy pothesi s, al though thi s i s not com m onl y done. An advantage of stati ng
the questi on as a hy pothesi s i s that the questi on i s pr eci se. As a r esul t, the
r eader can easi l y anti ci pate the answ er. For ex am pl e, “To test the hy pothesi s
that al terati ons i n chandel i er neur on axon car tr i dges contr i bute to pr ef r ontal
cor tex dy sf uncti on i n schi zophr eni a, w e ex am i ned… .” The answ er m ust be
P. 114
ei ther “yes, these al terati ons contr i bute to pr ef r ontal cor tex dy sf uncti on i n
schi zophr eni a,” or “no, they do not.”
If a questi on i s stated as a questi on, i t shoul d be equal l y pr eci se. That i s, f or

gr eatest cl ar i ty, the questi on shoul d nam e the var i abl es studi ed and use a
pr eci se ver b, i n pr esent tense, as i n Ex am pl es 4. 1 and 4. 3 (“i s”, “i ncr eases”).
If, i nstead, the questi on i s stated w i thout a ver b, i t becom es m uch l ess cl ear.
Thus, i n Ex am pl e 4. 3, i f the questi on w er e stated as “The pur pose of thi s study
was to deter m i ne the ef f ect of r espi rator y al k al osi s dur i ng exer ci se on bl ood
l actate concentrati on,” the r eader w oul d have onl y a hazy i dea of w hat answ er
to ex pect—som ethi ng about the ef f ect of r espi rator y al k al osi s dur i ng exer ci se
on bl ood l actate concentrati on. The pr eci se questi on i s m uch m or e hel pf ul . The
r eader now ex pects a pr eci se ef f ect: that r espi rator y al k al osi s dur i ng exer ci se
i ncr eases bl ood l actate concentrati ons m or e than exer ci se al one does, or that i t
does not.
So one r eason a pr eci se questi on i s an advantage i s that the r eader

i m m edi atel y has an i m age of w hat the answ er w i l l be. Another r eason i s that
the r eader can r ead the paper i n a di r ected way rather than bl i ndl y. The
ex per i m ents m ake m or e sense. The r esul ts and the answ er f i t i nto the
ex pectati on. Al l the guessw or k i s taken out of the r eader 's job.
Inevitability
The questi on shoul d f ol l ow i nev i tabl y f r om the pr ev i ous statem ents of w hat i s
k now n or bel i eved and w hat i s sti l l unk now n or pr obl em ati c. Thus, the topi c of
the questi on shoul d be the sam e as the topi c i n the statem ent of w hat is
k now n, and the questi on shoul d be the questi on w e w oul d ex pect af ter r eadi ng
the statem ent of w hat i s unk now n or pr obl em ati c.
If w e l ook agai n at Ex am pl e 4. 1, w e can see that the questi on does f ol l ow

i nev i tabl y f r om the pr ev i ous statem ents. The questi on i s, “Whi ch si te i n the
vagal m otor pathway to the br onchi ol es i s m ost sensi ti ve to depr essi on by
bar bi turates?” Thi s questi on cl ear l y der i ves f r om the statem ent of the unk now n
(“the si te of thi s depr essi on has not been deter m i ned”), w hi ch i n tur n cl ear l y
der i ves f r om the statem ent of the k now n (“several general anestheti cs,
i ncl udi ng bar bi turates, depr ess the br onchom otor r esponse to vagus ner ve
sti m ul ati on”).
To check that a questi on f ol l ow s i nev i tabl y f r om the statem ents of w hat i s

k now n and unk now n, l ook at the key ter m s i n the questi on. Each key ter m i n
the questi on shoul d have appear ed ear l i er i n the Intr oducti on. In Ex am pl e 4. 1,
“si te” i s i n the unk now n (sentence B). The other key ter m s (“depr essi on,”
“bar bi turates,” “vagal ,” “m otor,” “pathway ”) al l appear i n som e f or m i n the
k now n (sentence A).
Question Based on Suggestive Evidence

Som eti m es, the questi on i s not stated i m m edi atel y af ter the unk now n or the
pr obl em . Instead, ev i dence suggesti ng a possi bl e answ er i s stated. In thi s case,
the questi on shoul d f ol l ow i nev i tabl y both f r om the unk now n and f r om the
suggesti ve ev i dence, as i n Ex am pl e 4. 4.
Ex a mple 4. 4: Questi on Based on Suggesti ve Ev i dence
ASi nce 1975 pr ostagl andi ns E 1 and E 2 (PGE 1 , PGE 2 ) have been used to m ai ntai n
the patency of the ductus ar ter i osus i n i nf ants w ho have congeni tal hear t
di sease (1–6). BAl though the f etal ductus i s sensi ti ve to the di l ati ng acti on of
PGE 1 and PGE 2 (7), the r esponse of the ductus i n the new bor n to speci f i c doses
of these pr ostagl andi ns i s var i abl e (8). CThe f actor s that r egul ate
P. 115
the r esponsi veness of the ductus to PGE 1 and PGE 2 ar e unk now n. DOne
r egul ati ng f actor that has been suggested i s the i nf ant's age (8); how ever, thi s
f actor i s unl i kel y because the ductus i s r esponsi ve to PGE 1 and PGE 2 even af ter
m any m onths of therapy (9, 10). EAnother possi bl e r egul ati ng f actor m ay be
the degr ee of constr i cti on of the ductus ar ter i osus. FSuppor t f or thi s f actor i s
that the ductus no l onger di l ates i n r esponse to PGE 1 and PGE 2 w hen i t i s f ul l y
cl osed (8, 9) but does di l ate w hen i t i s onl y par ti al l y constr i cted at angi ography
(11). GTher ef or e, w e tested the hy pothesi s that the degr ee of constr i cti on of
the ductus ar ter i osus r egul ates the r esponsi veness of the ductus to PGE 1 and
PGE 2 by doi ng ex per i m ents i n new bor n l am bs.
In thi s Intr oducti on, the k now n i s stated i n A and B, and the unk now n i s stated
i n C. D states a possi bl e answ er and r ejects i t. E pr oposes a di f f er ent answ er. F
gi ves suggesti ve ev i dence that suppor ts the pr oposed answ er. G then states a
hy pothesi s (questi on) based on the unk now n and on the suggesti ve ev i dence.
We can tel l that the hy pothesi s i s based on the ear l i er statem ents because key
ter m s f r om the k now n (“pr ostagl andi n E 1 and E 2 ”), f r om the unk now n
(“r egul ate the r esponsi veness”), and f r om the suggesti ve ev i dence (“degr ee of
constr i cti on of the ductus ar ter i osus”) al l appear i n the hy pothesi s.
Two Questions
In a paper that has tw o questi ons, both questi ons m ust f ol l ow i nev i tabl y f r om
the pr ev i ous statem ents. If the back gr ound i nf or m ati on l eadi ng to the second
questi on i s om i tted, as f r equentl y happens, the r eader does not k now w her e the
second questi on com es f r om .
Ex a mple 4. 5: Mi ssi ng Back gr ound f or Questi on 2

A 1 Because stasi s of bl ood f l ow m ay be an i m por tant cause of hepati c ar ter i al
thr om bosi s i n l i ver transpl ant pati ents, A 2 a pr ophy l acti c tr eatm ent that
i ncr eases hepati c ar ter i al bl ood f l ow m i ght r educe the r i sk of thr om bosi s. BOne
possi bl e tr eatm ent m i ght be i ntravenous i nf usi on of pr ostagl andi n E 1 . CThi s
tr eatm ent i s suggested by the f i ndi ng that i njecti ons of pr ostagl andi n E 1
di r ectl y i nto the hepati c ar ter y i ncr ease hepati c ar ter i al bl ood f l ow i n cats (11)
and dogs (12). D 1 Ther ef or e, i n thi s study, w e asked w hether a m or e di stant
i nf usi on of a l ow dose of pr ostagl andi n E 1 , i nto a sy stem i c vei n, i ncr eases
hepati c ar ter i al bl ood f l ow and D 2 w hether por tal venous and sy stem i c venous
i nf usi ons ar e equal l y ef f ecti ve. EFor thi s study, w e del i ver ed pr ostagl andi n E 1
as a conti nuous i nf usi on i nto ei ther the sy stem i c venous or the por tal venous
ci r cul ati on of young l am bs.
In thi s ex am pl e, the r eader does not k now w hy the author s com par ed por tal
venous and sy stem i c venous i nf usi ons of pr ostagl andi n E 1 . In the r ev i si on, the
necessar y back gr ound i nf or m ati on l eadi ng to thi s second questi on i s added
(sentence D, w hi ch descr i bes another possi bl e tr eatm ent). In addi ti on, the tw o
questi ons ar e condensed i nto a si ngl e statem ent (E).
Re vis ion: Back gr ound f or Questi on 2 Added
ABecause stasi s of bl ood f l ow m ay be an i m por tant cause of hepati c ar ter i al

thr om bosi s i n l i ver transpl ant pati ents (4), a pr ophy l acti c tr eatm ent that
i ncr eases hepati c ar ter i al bl ood f l ow m i ght r educe the r i sk of thr om bosi s. BOne
possi bl e tr eatm ent m i ght be i ntravenous i nf usi on of pr ostagl andi n E 1 . CThi s
tr eatm ent i s suggested by the f i ndi ng that i njecti ons of pr ostagl andi n E 1
P. 116
di r ectl y i nto the hepati c ar ter y i ncr ease hepati c ar ter i al bl ood f l ow i n cats (11)
and dogs (12). DAnother possi bl e tr eatm ent m i ght be por tal venous i nf usi on of
pr ostagl andi n E 1 , si nce i nf usi on of si m i l ar hepati c ar ter i al vasodi l ator s i nto the
por tal vei n of cats al so i ncr eases hepati c bl ood f l ow, though onl y onehal f to
onethi r d as ef f ecti vel y as the sam e doses i njected i nto the hepati c ar ter y (15).
ETher ef or e, i n thi s study, w e asked w hether a m or e di stant i nf usi on of l ow dose
pr ostagl andi n E 1 , i nto a sy stem i c vei n or the por tal vei n, i ncr eases hepati c
ar ter i al bl ood f l ow. FFor thi s study, w e del i ver ed pr ostagl andi n E 1 as a
conti nuous i nf usi on i nto ei ther the sy stem i c venous or the por tal venous
ci r cul ati on of young l am bs.
Linked Questions
In paper s that ask m or e than one questi on, the second questi on som eti m es
depends on the answ er to the f i r st one. In thi s si tuati on, the questi ons can be
l i nked by “i f so” or a si m i l ar phrase, as i n Ex am pl e 4. 6, and no back gr ound
i nf or m ati on needs to be added to l ead to the second questi on.
Ex a mple 4. 6: Li nked Questi ons
Thi s r epor t descr i bes ex per i m ents desi gned to deter m i ne w hether exogenous
arachi doni c aci d i ncr eases the r el ease of pr ostagl andi n E 2 f r om the ductus
ar ter i osus, and, i f so, w hether the exogenous arachi doni c aci d i s the sour ce of
the pr ostagl andi n E 2 r el eased.
Question Stated in the Unknown

Som eti m es the questi on i s pr esented i n the statem ent of the unk now n. In thi s
case, i t i s unnecessar y to state the questi on agai n. Instead, at the begi nni ng of
the nex t sentence, you can si m pl y i denti f y the pr ev i ous statem ent as the
questi on by usi ng a transi ti on phrase, such as “to answ er thi s questi on” or “to
test thi s hy pothesi s,” as i n Ex am pl e 4. 7.
Ex a mple Questi ons i n “U nk now n” Identi f i ed i n the N ex t

4. 7: Sentence
AThe occur r ence of a ther m al transi ti on i n hum an ser um l i popr otei ns depends
on the tr i gl ycer i dechol ester y l ester rati o and the si ze of the l i popr otei n
par ti cl e (5). BThe tr i gl ycer i dechol ester y l ester rati o i s k now n to cor r el ate
negati vel y w i th the peak tem peratur e of the ther m al transi ti on of i ntact l ow
densi ty l i popr otei n (3). CHow ever, i t i s not yet k now n how l ow a tr i gl ycer i de
chol ester y l ester rati o and how sm al l a par ti cl e si ze ar e necessar y f or the
occur r ence of the ther m al transi ti on i n tr i gl ycer i der i ch l i popr otei ns f r om
hum an ser um . DTo a ns w e r the s e que s tions , w e assessed the tr i gl ycer i de
chol ester y l ester rati o and the par ti cl e si ze i n tw o cl asses of tr i gl ycer i der i ch
l i popr otei ns w hose rati os of tr i gl ycer i de to chol ester y l ester and w hose par ti cl e
si ze ar e betw een those of l ow densi ty l i popr otei ns and ver y l ow densi ty
l i popr otei ns.
In thi s ex am pl e, sentence C states tw o unk now ns, w hi ch ar e com pl ete

statem ents of the questi ons thi s paper answ er s. Sentence D begi ns w i th a
transi ti on phrase i denti f y i ng the statem ent of the unk now ns as the questi ons
(“To answ er these questi ons”).
How ever, i f, as i n Ex am pl e 4. 1 above, the questi on i s stated onl y par ti al l y i n

the statem ent of the unk now n (as i t i s i n sentence B), the enti r e questi on
shoul d be stated i n the nex t sentence (as i t i s i n sentence C). The r eason i s
P. 117
that the questi on i s the f ocal poi nt of the paper. Reader s shoul d not have to
com pose the questi on f or them sel ves. The questi on shoul d be stated f or them i n
a si ngl e sentence.
Experimental Approach
Som eti m es the Intr oducti on can end af ter a statem ent of the questi on.
How ever, of ten i t i s hel pf ul f or the r eader to k now the ex per i m ental appr oach
to answ er i ng the questi on, especi al l y i f the appr oach i s new, unusual , or
com pl i cated, i f the questi on al one does not gi ve a cl ear i dea of w hat the
ex per i m ents w i l l be, or i f the study needs to be i denti f i ed as hav i ng been done
i n v i tr o, r etr ospecti vel y, or w hatever.
In general , the ex per i m ental appr oach i s shor t—usual l y one sentence; at m ost,
tw o or thr ee sentences. The ex per i m ental appr oach can be as br i ef as nam i ng
the ani m al studi ed, as i n Ex am pl e 4. 4. U sual l y, the ex per i m ental appr oach
descr i bes one of the var i abl es (i ndependent or dependent) i n addi ti on to nam i ng
the ani m al , as i n Ex am pl e 4. 1. Her e the ani m al i s nam ed (f er r et), the
i ndependent var i abl e i s descr i bed (“w e sti m ul ated thi s pathway… bef or e and
af ter ex posur e to bar bi turates”), the num ber of dependent var i abl es i s stated
(“f our di f f er ent si tes”), and the f act that the ex per i m ents w er e done i n v i tr o i s
m ade cl ear (“i n i sol ated r i ngs of f er r et trachea”).
In one ty pe of paper, i ncl udi ng a com pl ete over v i ew of the ex per i m ents at the
end of the Intr oducti on i s cr uci al : paper s that have no “Study Desi gn”
subsecti on i n the Methods secti on but i nstead r un the stor y of the ex per i m ents
done to answ er the questi on thr ough the Resul ts secti on (see Chap. 6). In these
paper s, the ex per i m ental appr oach at the end of the Intr oducti on i s the onl y
over v i ew w e get of the ex per i m ents done to answ er the questi on. In the Resul ts
secti on, the stor y i s f racti onated, one or tw o sentences per paragraph. The
r eader shoul d not have to pul l the over v i ew of the ex per i m ents together ; i t
shoul d be stated com pactl y i n one spot—at the end of the Intr oducti on.
Signals of the Question and the Experimental
Approach
Si gnal s ar e needed to i denti f y the questi on and the ex per i m ental appr oach. The
si gnal s var y dependi ng on w hether the questi on i s stated as a hy pothesi s or as
a questi on, and on w hether the questi on and the ex per i m ental appr oach ar e i n
the sam e sentence or i n separate sentences.
For a questi on stated as a hy pothesi s, the w or d “hy pothesi s” shoul d be used i n

the si gnal . For a questi on stated as a questi on, the si gnal can take a var i ety of
f or m s. In al l of these f or m s, the cr uci al el em ent i s a ver b f ol l ow ed by a
questi on w or d. A com m on ex am pl e i s “to deter m i ne w hether.” (Her e the ver b i s
an i nf i ni ti ve, “to deter m i ne,” and the questi on w or d i s “w hether.”)
When the questi on and the ex per i m ental appr oach ar e i n the sam e sentence,
onl y the questi on needs a si gnal . The si gnal of the questi on i s w r i tten as a
pur pose (f or ex am pl e, “To deter m i ne w hether…”), and the ex per i m ental
appr oach f ol l ow s natural l y as a descr i pti on of the ex per i m ents done. When the
questi on and ex per i m ental appr oach ar e i n separate sentences, the cl osest
conti nui ty com es f r om r epeati ng a key ter m f r om the si gnal of the questi on i n
the si gnal of the ex per i m ental appr oach. If no key ter m can be r epeated, you
can use “For thi s study ” to si gnal the ex per i m ental appr oach.
Com m onl y used si gnal s of questi ons and the accom pany i ng si gnal of the
ex per i m ental appr oach ar e l i sted bel ow. N um er ous var i ati ons on these si gnal s
ar e possi bl e.
Signa l of the Que s tion Signa l of the

Ex pe rime nta l Approa c h
“To test the hy pothesi s that… , w e…”
“We hypothe s ize d that…” “To test thi s

hypothe s is , w e…”
“To deter m i ne w hether… , w e…”
“To i nvesti gate w hi ch… , w e…”
“The purpos e of thi s study was to “For thi s purpos e ,

deter m i ne w hether…” w e…”
“In thi s study w e a s k e d w hether…” “To answ er thi s

que s tion, w e…”
“Thi s r epor t descr i bes ex per i m ents “For thi s study, w e…”
desi gned to deter m i ne w hether…”
P. 118
Animal or Human Population and Material

The ani m al and the m ater i al studi ed (m ol ecul e, cel l l i ne, ti ssue, or gan) m ust be
stated i n the Intr oducti on. Wher e the ani m al i s stated depends on the k i nd of
questi on you ar e ask i ng. If the questi on i s about a par ti cul ar ani m al , nam e the
ani m al i n the questi on, as i n Ex am pl e 4. 8.
Ex a mple 4. 8: Questi on Li m i ted to the Ani m al Studi ed
AWhether i ncr eased acti ve transpor t of sodi um i nduced by betaadr ener gi c

agents i ncr eases l ung l i qui d cl earance i n an i ntact adul t ani m al i s unk now n.
BTher ef or e, our f i r st objecti ve i n these studi es was to deter m i ne w hether beta
adr ener gi c agents i ncr ease l ung l i qui d cl earance i n anestheti zed i ntact adul t
sheep.
If the questi on i s not l i m i ted to the ani m al studi ed, usual l y because the ani m al
i s ser v i ng as a m odel of a hum an condi ti on, nam e the ani m al i n the
ex per i m ental appr oach, as i n Ex am pl es 4. 1, 4. 2, and 4. 5. If the m odel i s a new
one, al so establ i sh i ts val i di ty.
For studi es of hum an subjects, hum ans ar e f r equentl y not m enti oned i n the
questi on. In these cases, ter m s used i n the Intr oducti on usual l y suggest that
the w or k was done on hum ans. For ex am pl e, i n Ex am pl e 4. 3, suggesti ons that
the study was on hum ans ar e “dur i ng exer ci se” (sentence A), “i m por tant
cl i ni cal l y ” (D), and “i nter sti ti al l ung di sease and congesti ve hear t f ai l ur e” (E).
How ever, f or m ax i m al cl ar i ty, hum ans shoul d be m enti oned i n the questi on i f
hum ans w er e the study subjects.
For studi es of speci f i c hum an popul ati ons, the popul ati on i s al way s stated i n the
questi on, as i n Ex am pl e 4. 9.
Ex a mple 4. 9: Questi on Li m i ted to a Subpopul ati on of Hum ans

The pur pose of thi s study was to deter m i ne r el ati ve contr i buti ons of the
i nspi rator y m uscl e gr oups to i nspi rator y pr essur e generati on dur i ng nonrapi d
eyem ovem ent sl eep i n pati ents w i th occl usi ve sl eep apnea.
The Answer to the Question

The answ er to the questi on shoul d not be i ncl uded i n the Intr oducti on. The
answ er cl oses of f the Intr oducti on and sounds l i ke an abstract, rather than
l eadi ng i nto the paper. The answ er i s not necessar y i n the Intr oducti on because
the r eader k now s the answ er f r om hav i ng r ead the abstract.
P. 119
Stati ng the answ er i nstead of the questi on i s not adv i sabl e i n paper s r epor ti ng
hy pothesi stesti ng studi es, because i f you had a hy pothesi s, the onl y
strai ghtf or war d way to w r i te the paper i s by stati ng the hy pothesi s i n the
Intr oducti on. Hi di ng the f act that you w er e testi ng a hy pothesi s obscur es the
sci ence.
LENGTH
The Intr oducti on shoul d be as shor t as possi bl e consi stent w i th cl ar i ty and
i nf or m ati veness. General l y, shor ter i s better. The am ount of back gr ound
i nf or m ati on needed f or com pl ete i nf or m ati veness depends on how m uch the
i ntended audi ence can be ex pected to k now about the topi c. For a ty pi cal
jour nal ar ti cl e, one doubl espaced page (about 250–300 w or ds) i s of ten
suf f i ci ent. When a l onger Intr oducti on i s needed, tr y to keep i t to tw o doubl e
spaced pages (500–600 w or ds).
Do not r ev i ew the topi c. That i s w hat r ev i ew ar ti cl es ar e f or. The pur poses of

the Intr oducti on ar e to pr epar e the r eader to under stand the paper and to
awaken i nter est. Long i ntr oducti ons k i l l of f i nter est and ar e of ten conf usi ng and
m i sl eadi ng. So tel l onl y as m uch as necessar y to get the r eader f r om a
r easonabl e star ti ng poi nt to the questi on.
CONTENT AND ORGANIZATION FOR DESCRIPTIVE

PAPERS
Descr i pti ve paper s do not have questi ons or hy potheses. Thus, the i ntr oductor y
f unnel i n a descr i pti ve paper i s di f f er ent f r om the f unnel of a hy pothesi s
testi ng paper. Instead of k now n, unk now n, questi on, the f unnel of a descr i pti ve
paper can have onl y tw o steps: k now n, m essage. The m essage i s the di scover y
bei ng r epor ted i n the paper, f or ex am pl e, the str uctur e bei ng descr i bed. Its
r el ati on to the k now n i s that i t ex tends or contrasts w i th w hat i s k now n. An
ex am pl e i s Ex am pl e 4. 10.
Example 4.10
1 AThr ee cl asses of G pr otei n–coupl ed r eceptor s i n the nose have been
r epor ted. BOne l ar ge cl ass, w hose m em ber s ar e di f f er enti al l y ex pr essed i n
cel l s of m am m al i an ol f actor y sensor y epi thel i um , detects vol ati l e odorants (1).
CAnother cl ass, f ound i n a subset of m am m al i an vom er onasal or gan neur ons,
detects pher om ones (2). DRecentl y, a thi r d cl ass of G pr otei n–coupl ed r eceptor s
f r om a di f f er ent gr oup of vom er onasal or gan neur ons unr el ated to both
pr ev i ousl y f ound cl asses has been character i zed (3–5). EThese G pr otei n–
coupl ed r eceptor s, r epor ted i n m i ce, rats, and f r ogs, have l ar ge ex tracel l ul ar
dom ai ns and r esem bl e the m etabotr opi c gl utam ate r eceptor s and the Ca 2 +
sensi ng r eceptor.
2 F In the cour se of character i zi ng G pr otei n–coupl ed r eceptor s i n the genom e of

the puf f er f i sh Fugu r ubr i pes, w e encounter ed m em ber s of a l ar ge f am i l y of
r eceptor s r el ated to the Ca 2 + sensi ng r eceptor, w hi ch cl osel y r esem bl e the
m am m al i an pher om one r eceptor s. GIn thi s paper, w e r epor t the
character i zati on of the genes r el ated to these Ca 2 + sensi ng r eceptor s and show
that they ar e com posed of si x ty pes, di sti ngui shed by sequence hom ol ogy and
gene str uctur e. H The genes occur i n cl uster s and ar e ex pr essed i n the nose of
the f i sh, m ak i ng i t l i kel y that they ar e ol f actor y detector s.
P. 120
In thi s Intr oducti on, paragraph 1 pr esents w hat i s k now n—the ex i stence of
thr ee cl asses of G pr otei n–coupl ed r eceptor s i n the nose. The m essage—the
di scover y of a hom ol og of the thi r d cl ass—i s stated i n paragraph 2. In addi ti on,
i n thi s ex am pl e, bef or e stati ng the m essage, the author s descr i be how thei r
di scover y was m ade.
CONTENT AND ORGANIZATION FOR “METHODS

PAPERS”
A “m ethods paper ” i s a paper i n w hi ch you descr i be a new m ethod, apparatus,
or m ater i al .
The Intr oducti on of a m ethods paper begi ns by stati ng that a m ethod, an

apparatus, or a m ater i al i s needed and then goes on to gi ve the r eason(s). The
Intr oducti on then states one or m or e pr obl em s or l i m i tati ons of the ex i sti ng
m ethod, apparatus, or m ater i al and ends by stati ng w hat the new m ethod,
apparatus, or m ater i al i s and w hat i ts advantages ar e. The advantages shoul d
be the sol uti on to the pr obl em or l i m i tati on. An ex am pl e of an Intr oducti on to a
m ethods paper i s gi ven i n Ex am pl e 4. 11.
Ex a mple 4. 11 Intr oducti on f or a Methods Paper
AVar i ous ty pes of phy si ol ogi cal r esear ch r equi r e pl aci ng ani m al s i n a m etabol i c
cham ber f or ex posur e to gases, col l ecti on of ex pi r ed ai r, ex posur e to unusual
atm ospher i c condi ti ons such as hy pox i a or hy pobar i c env i r onm ents (6, 9), or
m easur em ent of ox ygen consum pti on (1, 8). BAl though equi pm ent f or such
studi es i s com m er ci al l y avai l abl e, i t i s usual l y ex pensi ve, speci al i zed f or a
si ngl e f uncti on, and appl i cabl e onl y f or shor tter m studi es w i th one ani m al .
CIm pr ov i si ng w i th avai l abl e l aborator y equi pm ent m eets w i th var i abl e success
and of ten r equi r es constant attenti on and r epai r. DWe now r epor t a r el ati vel y
i nex pensi ve, r el i abl e cl osedci r cui t m etabol i c cham ber that has pr oven usef ul
f or several r esear ch appl i cati ons i nvol v i ng one or m or e ani m al s housed f or
per i ods of hour s or day s.
In thi s Intr oducti on, sentence A states the r easons a cham ber i s needed,
sentences B and C state pr obl em s w i th avai l abl e and i m pr ov i sed cham ber s, and
sentence D i ntr oduces a new cham ber that sol ves al l of the pr obl em s of the
pr ev i ous cham ber s.
DETAILS
Verb Tense
Ver b tenses i n the Intr oducti on, l i ke ver b tenses ever y w her e i n the paper,
depend par tl y on the ty pe of statem ent and par tl y on the m eani ng of the ver b.
Most i m por tantl y, the ver b i n the questi on m ust be i n pr esent tense, because
the questi on ask s i f som ethi ng i s tr ue i n general and not just i n your
ex per i m ents. Appr opr i ate uses of ver b tenses and al so of ver bs that m ake
hy potheti cal statem ents ar e l i sted bel ow :
Ve rb Te ns e Sta te me nt Ex a mple
Pr esent Questi on “w hether X

Know n inc re a s e s Y”
“X is a
com ponent of
Y.”
Pr esent Transi ti on cl aus i ntr oduci ng “It ha s l ong

per f ect som ethi ng k now n be e n k now n
that…”
Pr esent or U nk now n “X is
pr esent unk now n.”
per f ect “X ha s not
be e n
de te rmine d. ”
Past or Si gnal of the questi on “We

pr esent hypothe s ize d
that…”
“The pur pose
of thi s study
w a s …”
“We a s k e d
w hether…”
but “Thi s
r epor t
de s c ribe s …”
Si m pl e past Ex per i m ental appr oach, and “w e

any thi ng el se done by you or other s a s s e s s e d”
i n the past
Hy potheti cal Suggesti ons, possi bi l i ti es “X ma y ha ve

an ef f ect on…”
“X might
re duc e …”
P. 121
P. 122
SUMMARY OF GUIDELINES FOR INTRODUCTIONS OF

HYPOTHESISTESTING PAPERS AND OF
DESCRIPTIVE PAPERS
Tel l a stor y.
In Intr oducti ons of hy pothesi stesti ng paper s, tel l the stor y of w her e
the questi on cam e f r om .
Funnel step by step f r om w hat i s k now n to w hat i s unk now n or a

pr obl em . End w i th the questi on.
Make sur e that the questi on f ol l ow s i nev i tabl y f r om the pr ecedi ng

sentences and i s ver y si m i l ar to the unk now n. If ther e ar e tw o
questi ons, be sur e to gi ve back gr ound i nf or m ati on l eadi ng to both.
U se the techni ques of conti nui ty and topi c sentences as needed to tel l
the stor y.
State (or str ongl y i m pl y ) the unk now n, so that w hat i s new about the
w or k i s ev i dent.
Make sur e the i m por tance of the w or k i s ev i dent. State or i m pl y i t i f

necessar y.
If necessar y, state the ex per i m ental appr oach af ter the questi on.
Do not state the answ er to the questi on i n the Intr oducti on.
Do not i ncl ude r esul ts or i m pl i cati ons.
Ci te r ef er ences that r ef l ect the key w or k that l ed to the questi on.
Keep the num ber of r ef er ences to a m i ni m um .
State the questi on, ei ther as a questi on or (better ) as a hy pothesi s.
Make the questi on as pr eci se as possi bl e, so that the questi on

anti ci pates the answ er.
U se a pr esent tense ver b i n the questi on.
Make sur e the questi on i ncl udes both the i ndependent var i abl e and
the dependent var i abl e, w her e appr opr i ate.
Put a si gnal of the questi on at the begi nni ng of the sentence.
Be sur e the ex per i m ental appr oach i s ev i dent.
At m i ni m um , nam e the ani m al or hum an popul ati on studi ed and al so

the m ol ecul e, cel l l i ne, ti ssue, or or gan, i f any.
If necessar y, descr i be the i ndependent var i abl e, the dependent

var i abl e, or both.
In paper s that do not have a Study Desi gn subsecti on i n Methods,

gi ve a com pl ete over v i ew of the ex per i m ent(s) done to answ er the
questi on at the end of the Intr oducti on.
If the study desi gn was r etr ospecti ve, use the w or d “r etr ospecti ve” i n
the ex per i m ental appr oach or i n the si gnal of the questi on.
State the ani m al i n the appr opr i ate pl ace:
In the questi on i f the questi on i s about the ani m al .
In the ex per i m ental appr oach i f the questi on i s not l i m i ted to the
ani m al studi ed.
Keep the Intr oducti on shor t.
Ai m to awaken i nter est, not to k i l l i t of f.
In Intr oducti ons of descr i pti ve paper s, the stor y can have onl y tw o steps:
k now n, m essage.
The r el ati on betw een the k now n and the m essage, and thus w hat i s new about
the w or k , shoul d be cl ear, f or ex am pl e, that the m essage ex tends or contrasts
w i th w hat i s k now n.
P. 123
EXERCISE 4.1: INTRODUCTIONS

1. For e a c h Introduc tion be low , ide ntify the s te ps in the s tory (k now n,
unk now n, que s tion, a nd a ls o e x pe rime nta l a pproa c h, if it is inc lude d).
2. Ba s e d on the s umma ry of guide line s for Introduc tions , lis t the ma in

s tre ngths a nd w e a k ne s s e s of e a c h Introduc tion. P a y pa rtic ula r
a tte ntion to the pre c is e s ta te me nt of the que s tion a nd c le a r, logic a l
na rrow ing of the s tory of w he re the que s tion c a me from. Als o
c ons ide r pa ra gra ph s truc ture , s e nte nc e s truc ture , a nd w ord c hoic e .
Als o c ons ide r the title .
3. Re w rite one of the s e Introduc tions , a voiding the w e a k ne s s e s you

na me d a nd k e e ping the s tre ngths .
Introduc tion 1
HEAT STORAG E IN RU NNING ANTELOP ES: INDEP ENDENCE OF BRAIN AND

BODY TEMP ERATU RES
1. AThe e x is te nc e of c a me ls , oryx e s , ga ze lle s , a nd othe r ungula te s in

hot de s e rts ha s long fa s c ina te d phys iologis ts . BU nlik e rode nts , the s e
a nima ls a re too la rge to burrow a nd c a nnot e s c a pe the de s e rt s un.
CU nde rs ta nda bly, mos t of the w ork on te mpe ra ture re gula tion of
ungula te s ha s be e n c onc e rne d w ith he a t loa ds from the e nvironme nt
(6, 8, 10, 12, 16, 17, 19, 20, 23). DInte rna l he a t loa ds , how e ve r, ma y
pos e the rma l proble ms a s gre a t a s or gre a te r tha n the s un doe s .
ETre me ndous a mounts of he a t a re produc e d w he n a nte lope s run a t
high s pe e d. FG a ze lle s a nd e la nd ha ve be e n c loc k e d a t 70–80 k m/h
(43–50 mph). G U s ing the re c e ntly de ve lope d re la tions hip be tw e e n
body s ize a nd e ne rge tic c os t of loc omotion (22), w e c a n c a lc ula te
tha t a 15k g ga ze lle running a t 70 k m/h w ould be produc ing he a t a t
40 time s its re s ting me ta bolic ra te . H The s e high burs ts of s pe e d a re
us ua lly of s hort dura tion. I It s e e me d pos s ible tha t a nte lope s might
s tore ra the r tha n dis s ipa te this he a t.
2. J This s tudy s e t out to a ns w e r tw o s imple que s tions : (1) Doe s he a t

s tora ge pla y a n importa nt role ? a nd (2) If he a t s tora ge is importa nt,
do the s e a nima ls pos s e s s unus ua l phys iologic a l me c ha nis ms for
c oping w ith high body te mpe ra ture s ?
STREN GTHS WEAKN ESSES
Hi de Answ er
Introduc tion 1
Stre ngths
The outstandi ng str ength of thi s Intr oducti on i s i ts Law r ence of Arabi a
openi ng. Thi s openi ng awakens i nter est by usi ng concr ete w or ds that
evoke pow er f ul m ental i m ages: cam el s, gazel l es, hot deser ts,
bur r ow, deser t sun.
The Intr oducti on i s ver y r eadabl e, m ai nl y because the sentences ar e

shor t (8 of the 10 sentences have f ew er than 20 w or ds).
The new ness of the w or k i s ev i dent.
The Intr oducti on i s shor t.
W e a k ne s s e s
The f unnel l eadi ng to the questi ons i s not r i gor ous.
A. The f i r st sentence (A) does not i denti f y the general topi c of

the paper. But i f the Intr oducti on star ts cl oser to the speci f i c
topi c (see Rev i si on 2 bel ow ), i t shoul d tr y to keep at l east som e
of the w onder f ul i m ageevok i ng w or ds.
C. A step i s m i ssi ng bef or e sentence C. The m i ssi ng step i s “So

the questi on ar i ses, how do ungul ates r egul ate thei r body
tem peratur e?”
F. Sentence F i nter r upts the stor y. F does not suppor t E. G

suppor ts E. F shoul d be om i tted, or F can be i ncor porated i nto
sentence G (see Rev i si on 1, sentence D).
D–E. The unk now n i s not stated.
H. Sentence H i s ci r cul ar : “bur sts” = “shor t durati on.” The

subject of the sentence shoul d be “these hi gh speeds,” r ef er r i ng
to 70 k m /h, and the new i nf or m ati on, shor t bur sts, bel ongs i n
the ver b and com pl eter (see Rev i si on 1, sentence F).
I. The l ogi cal r el ati on betw een sentences H and I i s not stated.
At m i ni m um , H and I shoul d be i n one sentence begi nni ng w i th
“Because.” For f ul l er di spl ay s of l ogi c, see sentence F of
Rev i si on 1 and sentence E of Rev i si on 2.
A–G. Key ter m s f or ani m al s ar e changed. We hear about

antel opes (ti tl e, E, I), or y xes (A), gazel l es (A, F, G), and el and
(F). Actual l y, or y xes, gazel l es, and el and ar e al l ty pes of
antel ope, but som e r eader s m ay not k now that. Onl y the ty pes
of antel ope used i n thi s study need to be nam ed i n the
Intr oducti on, and they shoul d be i denti f i ed as ty pes of antel ope
(see Rev i si on 1, sentence D).
The questi ons ar e not com pl ete (questi on 1) or cl ear l y der i v ed

(questi on 2).
Inf or m ati on m i ssi ng f r om questi on 1 i s the i ndependent var i abl e

(r unni ng), w hat heat storage pl ay s a r ol e i n (heat bal ance or
tem peratur e r egul ati on), and the ani m al .
The di spl ay of thi nk i ng l eadi ng to questi on 2 i s m i ssi ng. Thi s di spl ay

of thi nk i ng needs to m ake cl ear how the subti tl e (“Independence of
Brai n and Body Tem peratur es”) r el ates to questi on 2 (see sentence G
of Rev i si on 1 and sentence F of Rev i si on 2).
The questi ons shoul d not be cal l ed “si m pl e.”
Sentence C has a l ot of r ef er ences. If a r ev i ew ar ti cl e i s avai l abl e, i t

shoul d be ci ted i nstead of al l the i ndi v i dual r ef er ences. Other w i se,
onl y the m ost sem i nal r ef er ences shoul d be ci ted. Keep i n m i nd that
the r ef er ence l i sts i n the paper s ci ted can l ead r eader s to the other
paper s.
The ex per i m ental appr oach i s not stated. It shoul d pr obabl y be

added.
Re vis ion 1
IN DEPEN DEN CE OF BRAIN AN D BODY TEMPERATU RES PERMITS HEAT

STORAGE IN RU N N IN G AN TELOPE
AThe ex i stence of cam el s, antel ope, and other ungul ates i n hot
deser ts has l ong f asci nated phy si ol ogi sts, because, unl i ke r odents,
ungul ates ar e too l ar ge to escape the sun by bur r ow i ng or by f i ndi ng
shade. BThus, ex ter nal heat l oads pose m ajor pr obl em s of
tem peratur e r egul ati on f or them (f or a r ev i ew, see r ef. 1).
CHow ever, i nter nal heat l oads m ay pose even gr eater pr obl em s of
tem peratur e r egul ati on. DFor ex am pl e, a ty pi cal deser t antel ope, the
gazel l e, r unni ng at 70 k m /h pr oduces heat at 40 ti m es i ts basi c
m etabol i c rate (2). EHow antel ope cope w i th thi s ex tra heat i s
unk now n. FBecause the hi gh speeds ar e usual l y of shor t durati on, i t
i s possi bl e that antel ope m i ght stor e heat w hi l e r unni ng and then
di ssi pate i t dur i ng per i ods of r el ati ve i nacti v i ty . GHeat storage,
though, w oul d r equi r e phy si ol ogi c m echani sm s f or copi ng w i th hi gh
body tem peratur e, such as pr ef er enti al pr otecti on of nor m al brai n
tem peratur e.
H Todeter m i ne w hether heat i s stor ed i n r unni ng antel ope, w e

m easur ed thei r cor e body tem peratur e w hi l e they ran ar ound a track
i n the deser t. I In addi ti on, to deter m i ne w hether nor m al brai n
tem peratur e i s m ai ntai ned, w e m easur ed brai n tem peratur e.
Com m ents on Rev i si on 1
The m i ssi ng step i s added (B).
A r ev i ew ar ti cl e i s substi tuted f or i ndi v i dual r ef er ences (B).
The gazel l e i s i denti f i ed as a ty pe of antel ope (D).
The poi nt about speed i s subor di nated to av oi d br eak i ng the

conti nui ty (D).
The unk now n i s added (E).
A f ul l er di spl ay of thi nk i ng l eadi ng to questi on 1 i s added (F).
XThe w or d “bur sts” i s om i tted to av oi d ci r cul ar statem ent (F).
The thi nk i ng l eadi ng to questi on 2 i s added (G).
Questi on 1 i s m ade m or e speci f i c, r ef l ecti ng the possi bi l i ty

nam ed i n F, thus el i m i nati ng the need to def i ne w hat heat
stor age pl ay s a r ol e i n (H).
The i ndependent v ar i abl e (r unni ng) and the ani m al s studi ed

(antel ope) ar e i ncl uded i n questi on 1 (H).
Questi on 2 i s m ade m or e speci f i c (I), thus f ol l ow i ng cl ear l y f r om

(G) and r el ati ng cl ear l y to the ti tl e.
The questi ons ar e not cal l ed “si m pl e” (H).
The ex per i m ental appr oach f or each questi on i s stated (H, I).
Re vis ion 2
EFFECT OF RU N N IN G ON BRAIN AN D BODY TEMPERATU RE IN

AN TELOPES
AIn or der f or cam el s, antel opes, and other ungul ates to sur v i ve i n hot
deser ts, they m ust be abl e to r egul ate thei r body tem peratur es.
BAl though m ost w or k on the r egul ati on of body tem peratur e i n deser t
ungul ates has been concer ned w i th ex ter nal heat l oads (see r ef. 1 f or
a r ev i ew ), i nter nal heat l oads m ay al so pose pr obl em s f or
tem peratur e r egul ati on. CFor ex am pl e, one ty pe of deser t antel ope,
the gazel l e, r unni ng at hi gh speed (70 k m /h) pr oduces heat at 40
ti m es i ts basi c m etabol i c rate (2). DIt i s not cl ear how antel ope deal
w i th thi s heat l oad. EBecause hi ghspeed r unni ng usual l y occur s i n
shor t bur sts, and because di ssi pati on of thi s i nter nal l y pr oduced heat
i s l i m i ted by the hi gh am bi ent tem peratur e, i t seem s possi bl e that
the antel ope m i ght al l ow i ts body tem peratur e to r i se rather than
di ssi pate thi s heat. FIf body tem peratur e does r i se, m ai ntenance of
the brai n at a l ow er tem peratur e than the r est of the body w oul d be
i m por tant si nce the brai n i s k now n to be m or e sensi ti ve to hi gh
tem peratur es than ar e the other or gans. GTo deter m i ne w hether body
tem peratur e r i ses i n r unni ng antel opes and, i f so, w hether brai n
tem peratur e r i ses equal l y, w e m easur ed both brai n and body
tem peratur es i n antel opes r unni ng at hi gh am bi ent tem peratur es.
COMMEN TS ON REVISION 2
In addi ti on to the changes noted f or Rev i si on 1, Rev i si on 2 states the

topi c of the paper (tem per atur e r egul ati on) i n the f i r st sentence
r ather than w ai ti ng unti l the thi r d sentence, as i n the or i gi nal
v er si on, and thus av oi ds the pr obl em of the m i ssi ng step. Rev i si on 2
al so pr esents a detai l ed di spl ay of thi nk i ng l eadi ng to both questi ons
(sentences E and F).
Al though both of the r ev i si ons f unnel to the questi ons cl ear l y and
state the questi ons and the ex per i m ental appr oach cl ear l y , nei ther i s
as l i v el y as the or i gi nal v er si on, so ther e i s sti l l r oom f or
i m pr ov em ent. Rev i si on 1 has shor t sentences and k eeps som e of the
concr ete i m ages of the or i gi nal v er si on (cam el s, hot deser ts,
bur r ow i ng, sun), but om i ts other s (or y x es, gazel l es, bur sts) and adds
som e heav y abstr act w or ds (per i ods of r el ati v e i nacti v i ty , phy si ol ogi c
m echani sm s, pr ef er enti al pr otecti on). Rev i si on 2 cl ear l y di spl ay s the
thi nk i ng l eadi ng to the questi ons but i s dul l because of abstr act w or ds
(ungul ates, hi gh am bi ent tem per atur e, m ai ntenance) and l ong
sentences (f our of the si x sentences hav e m or e than 30 w or ds). Thus,
al though the r ev i si ons ar e m or e r i gor ous than the or i gi nal v er si on,
they do not r ef l ect the ex ci tem ent of sci enti sts f asci nated by thei r
w or k that i s so appeal i ng i n the or i gi nal v er si on.
P. 124
Introduc tion 2
THE INHIBITORY EFFECT OF AP OLIP OP ROTEIN E4 ON NEU RITE

OU TG ROW TH IS ASSOCIATED W ITH MICROTU BU LE DEP OLY MERIZATION
1. AApolipoprote in (a po) E is a 34k Da prote in c ompone nt of lipoprote ins

tha t me dia te s the ir binding to the low de ns ity lipoprote in (LDL)
re c e ptor a nd to the LDL re c e ptorre la te d prote in (LRP ) (1–4).
BApolipoprote in E is a ma jor a polipoprote in in the ne rvous s ys te m,
w he re it is thought to re dis tribute lipoprote in c hole s te rol a mong the
ne urons a nd the ir s upporting c e lls a nd to ma inta in c hole s te rol
home os ta s is (5–7). CApa rt from this func tion, a po E in the pe riphe ra l
ne rvous s ys te m func tions in the re dis tribution of lipids during
re ge ne ra tion (8–10).
2. DThe re a re thre e c ommon is oforms of a po E (a poE2, a poE3, a nd
a poE4) tha t a re the produc ts of thre e a lle le s (ε 2, ε 3, a nd ε 4) a t a
s ingle ge ne loc us on c hromos ome 19 (11). EApolipoprote in E3, the
mos t c ommon is oform, ha s c ys te ine a nd a rginine a t pos itions 112 a nd
158, re s pe c tive ly, w he re a s a poE2 ha s c ys te ine a t both of the s e
pos itions a nd a poE4 ha s a rginine a t both (1, 12).
3. FAc c umula ting e vide nc e de mons tra te s tha t the a poE4 a lle le (ε 4) is
s pe c ific a lly a s s oc ia te d w ith s pora dic a nd fa milia l la te ons e t
Alzhe ime r's dis e a s e a nd is a ma jor ris k fa c tor for the dis e a s e (13–
16). G In a c c ord w ith the s e findings , a poE immunore a c tivity is
a s s oc ia te d w ith both the a myloid pla que s a nd the intra c e llula r
ne urofibrilla ry ta ngle s s e e n in pos tmorte m e x a mina tions of bra ins
from Alzhe ime r's dis e a s e pa tie nts (17, 18). H The me c ha nis m by w hic h
a poE4 might c ontribute to Alzhe ime r's dis e a s e is unk now n. I How e ve r,
our re c e nt da ta de mons tra ting tha t a poE4 s tunts the outgrow th of
ne urite s from dors a l root ga nglion (DRG ) ne urons s ugge s t tha t a poE
ma y ha ve a dire c t e ffe c t on ne urona l de ve lopme nt or re mode ling (19,
20). J In a n e x te ns ion of the s e pre vious s tudie s , w e ha ve now
e x a mine d the e ffe c ts of the a poE is oforms on ne urite outgrow th a nd
on the c ytos k e le ton of Ne uro2a c e lls , a murine ne urobla s toma c e ll
line . K Apolipoprote in E4 inhibits ne urite outgrow th from the s e c e lls ,
a nd this is oforms pe c ific e ffe c t is a s s oc ia te d w ith de polyme riza tion of
mic rotubule s .
Hi de Answ er
Stre ngths
The statem ent of w hat i s k now n i s cl ear (A–G).
The f unnel nar r ow s l ogi cal l y f r om apoE to i ts i sof or m s.
An unk now n i s stated (H).
The i m por tance of the w or k i s stated (F).
W e a k ne s s e s
The questi on i s not cl ear l y r el ated to the unk now n.

The questi on i s not stated pr eci sel y (J).
The answ er i s not necessar y.
In sentence I, apoE shoul d be apoE4.
The sentences ar e l ong (m ean 26. 5 w or ds/sentence; 8 of the 11

sentences have about 30 w or ds).
Re vis ion
APOLIPOPROTEIN E4 IN HIBITS N EU RITE OU TGROWTH BY

DEPOLYMERIZIN G MICROTU BU LES
1. AApol i popr otei n (apo) E i s a 34k D pr otei n com ponent of

l i popr otei ns that m edi ates thei r bi ndi ng to the l ow densi ty
l i popr otei n (LDL) r eceptor and to the LDL r eceptor r el ated
pr otei n (LRP) (1–4). BApol i popr otei n E i s a m ajor apol i popr otei n
i n the central ner vous sy stem , w her e i t i s thought to r edi str i b
ute l i popr otei n chol ester ol am ong the neur ons and thei r
suppor ti ng cel l s, thus m ai ntai ni ng chol ester ol hom eostasi s (5–
7). CIn addi ti on to thi s f uncti on, apo E i n the per i pheral ner vous
sy stem r edi str i butes l i pi ds dur i ng r egenerati on (8–10).
2. DThr ee com m on i sof or m s of apo E ex i st: apoE2, apoE3, and

apoE4. D ´ These i sof or m s ar e the pr oducts of thr ee al l el es—ε 2,
ε 3, and ε 4—at a si ngl e gene l ocus on chr om osom e 19 (11).
EApol i popr otei n E3, the m ost com m on i sof or m , has cy stei ne and
ar gi ni ne at posi ti ons 112 and 158, r especti vel y (1, 12). E´ ApoE2
has cy stei ne at both of these posi ti ons (1, 12). E” ApoE4 has
ar gi ni ne at both (1, 12).
3. FThe apoE4 al l el e (ε 4) i s a m ajor r i sk f actor f or sporadi c and

f am i l i al l ateonset Al zhei m er 's di sease (13–16). GIn suppor t of
thi s f i ndi ng, apoE4 i m m unor eacti v i ty has been detected i n both
the amy l oi d pl aques and the i ntracel l ul ar neur of i br i l l ar y tangl es
seen i n postm or tem ex am i nati ons of brai ns f r om Al zhei m er 's
di sease pati ents (17, 18).
4. H The m echani sm by w hi ch apoE4 m i ght contr i bute to Al zhei m er 's

di sease i s unk now n. I How ever, our r ecent data dem onstrati ng
that apoE4 stunts the outgr ow th of neur i tes f r om neur ons of the
dor sal r oot gangl i on (DRG) (19, 20) suggest that apoE4 m i ght
contr i bute to Al zhei m er 's di sease by stunti ng the outgr ow th of
these neur i tes. I ´ Our data f ur ther suggest that outgr ow th m i ght
be stunted by r em odel i ng of the cy toskel eton, speci f i cal l y the
m i cr otubul e sy stem . J Ther ef or e, as a step towar d deter m i ni ng
the m echani sm of apoE4′ s contr i buti on to Al zhei m er 's di sease,
w e asked w hether apoE4 i nhi bi ts neur i te outgr ow th of N eur o2a
cel l s, a m ouse neur obl astom a cel l l i ne, by r em odel i ng the
m i cr otubul e sy stem of these cel l s.
COMMEN TS
The m ai n changes i n thi s r ev i si on ar e i n the l ast thr ee sentences: the

suggesti ons f r om pr ev i ous data (I, I') and the questi on (J). Al l ar e
m or e pr eci se, and thei r r el ati on to the m echani sm of Al zhei m er 's
di sease i s m ade cl ear . The l ast sentence (K), w hi ch states the answ er
to the questi on, i s om i tted.
Other changes:
BAddi ng “centr al ” bef or e “ner v ous sy stem ” hel ps contr ast

w i th the per i pher al ner v ous sy stem i n sentence C. Addi ng
“thus” i ndi cates the tr ue r el ati onshi p.
CU si ng “i n addi ti on” i nstead of “apar t f r om ” av oi ds m ak i ng

the centr al ner v ous sy stem seem uni m por tant.
DThe topi c i s now the subject. Im por tant detai l s ar e tak en

out of par entheses.
E' E” N ew sentences em phasi ze the new subtopi cs.
FThe unnecessar y tr ansi ti on phr ase (“accum ul ati ng

ev i dence dem onstr ates that”) i s om i tted. The sentence i s
condensed to m ak e one str ong poi nt. “ApoE” i s cor r ected to
“apoE4. ”
GA m or e pr eci se tr ansi ti on phr ase i s used. “ApoE” i s

cor r ected to “apoE4. ”
HA new par agr aph em phasi zes the nex t step i n the stor y
(an unk now n).
I Thenoun cl uster i s untangl ed. “ApoE” i s cor r ected to

“apoE4. ” The stor y i s k ept f ocused on the unk now n—the
m echani sm of Al zhei m er 's di sease.
I I 'Aspeci f i c statem ent of w hat apoE4 m i ght do r epl aces

the v ague statem ent.
J The si gnal of the questi on i ndi cates that thi s study tak es a
step tow ar d i denti f y i ng the m echani sm of Al zhei m er 's
di sease, w hi ch i s the ul ti m ate questi on. A pr eci se
statem ent of the i m m edi ate questi on addr essed i n thi s
study r epl aces the statem ent of w hat ex per i m ent w as done.
The questi on l i nk s r em odel i ng w i th i nhi bi ti ng r ather than
m ak i ng these poi nts par al l el .
Sentence l ength i s shor ter because sentences C and F w er e

shor tened and sentences D and E w er e br ok en i nto tw o or
thr ee sentences. The m ean i s now 20 w or ds/sentence; onl y
5 of the 14 sentences hav e 30 w or ds or m or e.
P. 125
Introduc tion 3
THE SEQU EN CE OF EXPOSU RE TO THE STIMU LI DETERMIN ES THE EFFECT OF

ALKALOSIS ON HYPOXIAIN DU CED PU LMON ARY VASOCON STRICTION IN LU N GS
FROM N EWBORN RABBITS
1. AAlve ola r hypox ia c a us e s pulmona ry va s oc ons tric tion. BTo de te rmine

w he the r a lk a los is or a c idos is c a n inc re a s e or re duc e hypox ia induc e d
pulmona ry va s oc ons tric tion, nume rous inve s tiga tors ha ve s tudie d the
e ffe c ts of a lk a los is a nd a c idos is on c ons tric tion of the pulmona ry
c irc ula tion in re s pons e to hypox ia (1–14). COnly a fe w of the s e
inve s tiga tors ha ve s tudie d the e ffe c t of a lk a los is on hypox ia induc e d
pulmona ry va s oc ons tric tion in the lungs of ne w born a nima ls (10, 13,
14). DThe re s ults of the s e s tudie s ha ve be e n va ria ble . EAlk a los is ha s
be e n s how n e ithe r to re duc e or to ha ve no e ffe c t on c ons tric tion of
the ne ona ta l pulmona ry c irc ula tion in re s pons e to a lve ola r hypox ia .
2. FU nde rs ta nding the e ffe c t of a lk a los is on the ne ona ta l pulmona ry

c irc ula tion a nd on the re s pons e of the pulmona ry c irc ula tion to
hypox ia is importa nt be c a us e a lk a los is , produc e d prima rily by
me c ha nic a l hype rve ntila tion, is w ide ly us e d in the tre a tme nt of
ne w borns w ho ha ve the s yndrome of pe rs is te nt pulmona ry
hype rte ns ion (15, 16). G Me c ha nic a l hype rve ntila tion is ofte n c linic a lly
e ffe c tive in the tre a tme nt of the s e infa nts , but it is not c le a r w he the r
the improve me nts a re due to the a lk a los is re s ulting from the the ra py.
H Ifa lk a los is is re s pons ible for the c linic a l improve me nt in the s e
infa nts , it is pos s ible tha t s ome of the de le te rious e ffe c ts of
me c ha nic a l hype rve ntila tion c ould be a voide d by us ing a lte rna tive
me a ns of induc ing a lk a los is . I A c le a re r unde rs ta nding of the e ffe c t of
a lk a los is on the c ons tric tion of the ne ona ta l pulmona ry c irc ula tion in
re s pons e to hypox ia w ould a id in the ma na ge me nt of the s e pa tie nts .
3. J The purpos e of this s tudy w a s to de te rmine w he the r or not a lk a los is

re duc e s c ons tric tion of the ne ona ta l pulmona ry c irc ula tion in
re s pons e to hy pox ia by a ns w e ring the follow ing s pe c ific que s tions :
1) doe s a lk a los is re duc e pulmona ry va s c ula r re s is ta nc e a fte r it ha s
inc re a s e d in re s pons e to hypox ia , 2) doe s a lk a los is re duc e the a bility
of the pulmona ry c irc ula tion to c ons tric t in re s pons e to s ubs e que nt
hypox ia , 3) doe s a lk a los is introduc e d s imulta ne ous ly w ith hypox ia
re duc e c ons tric tion of the pulmona ry c irc ula tion, a nd 4) do both
re s pira tory a nd me ta bolic a lk a los is ha ve the s a me e ffe c t on the
pulmona ry c irc ula tion a nd its re s pons e to hypox ia . K To a ns w e r the s e
que s tions ,
P . 126
w e e x pos e d is ola te d pe rfus e d lungs of ne w born ra bbits to a lk a los is
a nd a lve ola r hypox ia . L For e a c h pa ir of lungs w e us e d one of the
follow ing thre e s e que nc e s of e x pos ure to the s timuli: 1) a lve ola r
hypox ia follow e d by me ta bolic or re s pira tory a lk a los is , 2) me ta bolic
or re s pira tory a lk a los is follow e d by a lve ola r hypox ia , or 3)
s imulta ne ous a lve ola r hypox ia w ith re s pira tory a lk a los is . M W e found
tha t both me ta bolic a nd re s pira tory a lk a los is re duc e d pulmona ry
va s c ula r re s is ta nc e tha t w a s e le va te d in re s pons e to hypox ia ; ne ithe r
me ta bolic nor re s pira tory a lk a los is re duc e d c ons tric tion of the
pulmona ry va s c ula ture in re s pons e to s ubs e que nt hypox ia ; a nd
s imulta ne ous re s pira tory a lk a los is a nd hypox ia s ignific a ntly re duc e d
pulmona ry va s c ula r c ons tric tion. N W e c onc lude tha t the s e que nc e of
e x pos ure to the s timuli de te rmine s the e ffe c t of both re s pira tory a nd
me ta bolic a lk a los is on hypox ia induc e d pulmona ry va s oc ons tric tion in
is ola te d, pe rfus e d lungs of ne w born ra bbits .
Hi de Answ er
Stre ngths
The f unnel to the questi ons i s cl ear (f unnel , para. 1; questi ons,
para. 3).
The general questi on at the begi nni ng of sentence J f ol l ow s

cl ear l y f r om paragraph 1 (and speci f i cal l y f r om sentence E).
The general questi on i ncl udes both the i ndependent var i abl e
(al k al osi s) and the dependent var i abl e (constr i cti on of the
pul m onar y ci r cul ati on).
The new ness of the w or k i s ev i dent f r om the statem ent of the

unk now n (C–E).
The i m por tance i s stated (para. 2).
The ex per i m ental appr oach i s stated (K, L).
The ani m al (new bor n rabbi ts) and the m ater i al (i sol ated,
per f used l ungs) ar e stated i n the ex per i m ental appr oach (K).
W e a k ne s s e s
Thi s Intr oducti on i s too l ong. The detai l s (tr ees) over shadow the
stor y (f or est).
In par agr aph 2, G and H say about the sam e thi ng, so G or H
can be om i tted.
Sentence I can be om i tted because i t r estates H.
In par agr aph 3, the f i r st thr ee speci f i c questi ons (J) ar e r eal l y
ex per i m ental appr oach (see K–L) and ther ef or e can be om i tted.
The f our th speci f i c questi on i s not par al l el to the f i r st thr ee

speci f i c questi ons, so i t shoul d be pr esented separ atel y .
The r esul ts (M) ar e unnecessar y . Mor eov er , the r esul ts ar e

conf usi ng, par tl y because they pr ov i de m or e detai l than the
r eader can cope w i th at thi s poi nt i n the paper and par tl y
because of a change of k ey ter m s: the dependent v ar i abl e
m enti oned i n the f i r st r esul t i s not pul m onar y v asoconstr i cti on,
w hi ch i s w hat w e ex pect, but pul m onar y v ascul ar r esi stance;
how pul m onar y v ascul ar r esi stance r el ates to pul m onar y
v asoconstr i cti on i s not i ndi cated. Fi nal l y , i ncl udi ng r esul ts
m ak es the Intr oducti on r ead l i k e an abstr act r ather than an
Intr oducti on.
The answ er (N ) does not answ er the questi on asked. In the answ er,
the sequence of ex posur es to the sti m ul i (al k al osi s and hy pox i a) i s
the i ndependent var i abl e, but i n the questi on onl y al k al osi s i s the
i ndependent var i abl e. Al so, the questi on does not m atch the ti tl e,
though the answ er does. Si nce i t i s not cl ear w hat the questi on i s,
the Intr oducti on does not pr epar e the r eader adequatel y to
under stand the r est of the paper.
The r eason f or usi ng thr ee sequences of sti m ul i (L) i s not stated. It

shoul d be.
The statem ent of the i m por tance (para. 2) i nter r upts the f l ow of
thought betw een the f unnel (para. 1) and the questi ons (para. 3).
The w r i ti ng i s heav y because of f ancy, abstract w or ds, a l ow rati o of

ver bs to nouns, and som e l ong sentences.
Re vis ion
EFFECT OF ALKALOSIS ON HYPOXIAIN DU CED PU LMON ARY

VASOCON STRICTION IN LU N GS FROM N EWBORN RABBITS
AAl k al osi s, pr oduced pr i m ar i l y by m echani cal hy per venti l ati on,

i s w i del y used i n the tr eatm ent of new bor ns w ho have the
sy ndr om e of per si stent pul m onar y hy per tensi on (15, 16).
BAl though m echani cal hy per venti l ati on i s of ten cl i ni cal l y
ef f ecti ve i n the tr eatm ent of these i nf ants, i t i s not cl ear
w hether the cl i ni cal i m pr ovem ents dur i ng m echani cal
hy per venti l ati on ar e due to the al k al osi s r esul ti ng f r om the
therapy. CThe r esul ts of the f ew studi es of the ef f ect of
al k al osi s on hy pox i ai nduced pul m onar y vasoconstr i cti on i n
l ungs of new bor n ani m al s have been var i abl e. DAl k al osi s has
been show n ei ther to r educe (10) or to have no ef f ect (13, 14)
on constr i cti on of the neonatal pul m onar y ci r cul ati on i n r esponse
to al veol ar hy pox i a. EThese var i abl e r esul ts m ay have been
caused by the di f f er ent sequences i n w hi ch the l ungs w er e
ex posed to hy pox i a and al k al osi s. FIf al k al osi s does r educe
hy pox i ai nduced pul m onar y vasoconstr i cti on, som e of i ts
har m f ul ef f ects m i ght be avoi ded by usi ng m etabol i c i nstead of
m echani cal (r espi rator y ) al k al osi s.
GIn thi s study, w e asked w hether or not al k al osi s r educes

constr i cti on of the neonatal pul m onar y ci r cul ati on i n r esponse to
hy pox i a and w hether m etabol i c al k al osi s i s as ef f ecti ve as
r espi rator y al k al osi s. H To answ er these questi ons, w e m easur ed
the vasoconstr i cti ve r esponses of i sol ated, per f used l ungs f r om
new bor n rabbi ts to r espi rator y or m etabol i c al k al osi s and
hy pox i a i n thr ee sequences: al k al osi s bef or e, dur i ng, and af ter
al veol ar hy pox i a.
Struc ture of the Re vis ion

Par agr aph A. Im por tance. B–D. U nk now n l eadi ng to
1: questi on 1. E. Possi bl e r eason f or the
conf usi on descr i bed i n C–D, l eadi ng to
the ex per i m ental appr oach. F. Possi bl e
sol uti on, l eadi ng to questi on 2.
Par agr aph G . Questi ons. H. Ex per i m ental appr oach.

2:
COMMEN TS
The r ev i si on has been gr eatl y shor tened by om i tti ng r epeti ti on,

unnecessar y detai l s, r esul ts, and the answ er .
The r ev i si on has been r eor gani zed to begi n w i th the i m por tance.
Thus, the questi ons com e di r ectl y af ter the f unnel .
The r ev i si on adds a questi on about m etabol i c v s. r espi r ator y

al k al osi s (G) and di spl ay s thi nk i ng l eadi ng to thi s questi on (F).
Thus, the r ev i si on r esol v es m ost of the w eak nesses of the

or i gi nal v er si on. How ev er , the w r i ti ng i s sti l l heav y .
Back
Chapter 5
FUNCTION
For hy pothesi stesti ng paper s, the f uncti on of the Mater i al s and Methods secti on
(of ten r ef er r ed to as the Methods secti on) i s to tel l the r eader w hat
ex per i m ents you di d to answ er the questi on posed i n the Intr oducti on.
Si m i l ar l y, f or descr i pti ve studi es, the Methods secti on tel l s w hat ex per i m ents
you di d to obtai n the m essage stated i n the Intr oducti on. For m ethods paper s,
the Methods secti on has tw o f uncti ons: i t descr i bes the new m ethod i n com pl ete
detai l and al so tel l s w hat ex per i m ents you di d to test the new m ethod. For al l
ty pes of paper, the Methods secti on shoul d i ncl ude suf f i ci ent detai l and
r ef er ences to per m i t a trai ned sci enti st to eval uate your w or k f ul l y or to r epeat
the ex per i m ents ex actl y as you di d them .
STORY LINE
HypothesisTesting and Descriptive Papers
We saw that the f i r st step i n the stor y l i ne of a hy pothesi stesti ng or a
descr i pti ve paper i s pr esented i n the Intr oducti on. Thi s f i r st step i s ei ther the
questi on bei ng asked or the str uctur e bei ng descr i bed. In ei ther case, the
second step i n the stor y l i ne i s an over v i ew of the ex per i m ents you di d. Thi s
over v i ew of the ex per i m ents gi ves the strategy of the ex per i m ents, the pl an
that connects the m ethods to each other and to the questi on or the m essage.
Wher e the over v i ew of the ex per i m ents i s pr esented depends on the ty pe of

r esear ch:
Type of Re s e a rc h P la c e me nt of the Ove rvie w Ex a mple

of the Ex pe rime nts
Descr i pti ve r esear ch In the ex per i m ental Str uctur e

appr oach at the end of the f uncti on
Intr oducti on studi es
Hy pothesi stesti ng In the ex per i m ental Som e

r esear ch i n w hi ch appr oach at the end of the bi ochem i str y
one ex per i m ent Intr oducti on (and then studi es
deter m i nes w hat the thr eaded thr ough the Resul ts
nex t ex per i m ent w i l l secti on) (see Chapter 6,
be Resul ts)
Hy pothesi stesti ng In the Study Desi gn Phy si ol ogy

r esear ch i n w hi ch al l subsecti on of the Mater i al s studi es
and Methods secti on Cl i ni cal
ex per i m ents ar e studi es
desi gned i n advance Som e
bi ochem i str y
studi es
P. 128
Methods Papers
For a Methods paper, the f i r st step i n the stor y l i ne i s a statem ent that you ar e
pr esenti ng a new or i m pr oved m ater i al , m ethod, or apparatus. The second step
i n the stor y l i ne has tw o par ts: a com pl ete descr i pti on of the new m ethod,
m ater i al , or apparatus; and a descr i pti on of how thi s new m ethod, m ater i al , or
apparatus was tested. These tw o steps ar e descr i bed i n the Methods secti on.
In thi s chapter, w e w i l l consi der onl y Methods secti ons f or hy pothesi stesti ng
and descr i pti ve paper s.
CONTENT
The Mater i al s and Methods secti on of a hy pothesi stesti ng paper i s essenti al l y a
cook book . Thus, the m ai n content of the Mater i al s and Methods secti on i s a
detai l ed descr i pti on of the m ater i al s and m ethods you used. In addi ti on, i n
hy pothesi stesti ng paper s i n w hi ch al l the ex per i m ents ar e desi gned i n advance,
the Mater i al s and Methods shoul d al so i ncl ude an over v i ew of the ex per i m ents
done to answ er the questi on. Thi s over v i ew i s k now n as the study desi gn.
The pr i m ar y content of the Mater i al s and Methods secti on consi sts of the
f ol l ow i ng i nf or m ati on:
Materials
Chem i cal s (dr ugs, cul tur e m edi a, buf f er s, gases)
What was ex am i ned (ex per i m ental m ater i al s, ex per i m ental ani m al s, or
hum an subjects)
Methods
Essenti al i nf or m ati on:
What you di d (i ncl udi ng Study Desi gn)
In w hat or der
How you di d i t
Why you di d i t
Other i nf or m ati on (as needed):
Pr eparati on
Assum pti ons
Def i ni ti ons of i ndi cator s

The Methods secti on al so i ncl udes r ef er ences.
The Methods secti on does not i ncl ude r esul ts. How ever, i nter m edi ate r esul ts,
that i s, r esul ts used i n cal cul ati ons done to obtai n r esul ts that answ er the
questi on, can be i ncl uded i n the Methods secti on. Putti ng i nter m edi ate r esul ts
i n Methods i s a better choi ce than putti ng them i n Resul ts because i nter m edi ate
r esul ts ar e m or e r el evant to m ethods than to r esul ts.
Suf f i ci ent detai l i ncl udes the f ol l ow i ng:
P. 129
Materials
Drugs
For dr ugs, state the gener i c nam e, m anuf actur er, pur i ty, and concentrati on. If
the dr ug i s i n sol uti on, gi ve the sol vent, pH, tem peratur e, total vol um e i nf used,
and rate of i nf usi on, i f appr opr i ate. State the am ount of dr ug adm i ni ster ed per
k i l ogram of body w ei ght and the durati on of the i njecti on. If the dr ug i s pl aced
i n an or gan bath or r eser voi r, cal cul ate i ts concentrati on i n f l ui d.
Culture Media, Buffers

For cul tur e m edi a and buf f er s, state the com ponents and thei r concentrati ons.
Al so state the tem peratur e, vol um e, and pH, i f appr opr i ate.
Gases
For gases, state the com ponents and thei r concentrati ons. Al so state the f l ow
rate, i f appr opr i ate.
Experimental Materials
If you studi ed a m ol ecul e, cel l l i ne, ti ssue, etc., speci f y i t.
Animals
For ani m al s, state the speci es and w ei ght, and al so the strai n, sex , and age, i f
they ar e i m por tant. Gi ve detai l s of sedati on and anesthesi a: agent used,
am ount, r oute, adm i ni strati on (si ngl e, r epeated, or conti nuous), depth of
anesthesi a and how i t was assessed. If anestheti cs w er e not used, state the
r easons. State that the r esear ch was appr oved by the appr opr i ate com m i ttee at
your i nsti tuti on.
Human Subjects
For hum an subjects, gi ve enough i nf or m ati on about age, sex , race, hei ght,
w ei ght, state of heal th or di sease, and speci f i c m edi cal and sur gi cal
m anagem ent to be of use to r esear cher s w ho want to com par e your data w i th
thei r s or other peopl e's, or to cl i ni ci ans w ho want to see i f your f i ndi ngs ar e
appl i cabl e to thei r pati ents. Much of thi s i nf or m ati on can be pr esented i n
tabl es. These tabl es shoul d be ci ted i n the Methods secti on, not i n the Resul ts
secti on. Tel l how the subjects w er e sel ected. State that the r esear ch was
appr oved by the appr opr i ate com m i ttee at your i nsti tuti on.
Methods
What You Did
Study Design
For hy pothesi stesti ng r esear ch i n w hi ch al l ex per i m ents ar e desi gned i n
advance, i ncl udi ng phy si ol ogy studi es, cl i ni cal studi es, and som e bi ochem i str y
studi es, the over v i ew of the ex per i m ents shoul d be gi ven i n a separate
subsecti on of Methods, cal l ed “Study Desi gn.” (The Study Desi gn
P. 130
subsecti on i s al so cal l ed “Pr otocol ,” “Ex per i m ental Pr otocol ,” “Ex per i m ental ,”
and “Ex per i m ental Desi gn.” “Pr otocol ” i s an unf or tunate headi ng because to
m ost r eader s “pr otocol ” i m pl i es cook book , and that i s ex actl y w hat the
over v i ew of the ex per i m ent you di d to answ er your questi on i s not. )
The Study Desi gn shoul d i ncl ude the f ol l ow i ng i nf or m ati on:
(especi al l y i n paper s that ask

Que s tion(s ) a s k e d m or e than one questi on)
Inde pe nde nt va ria ble (s ) (= i nter venti ons m ade)
De pe nde nt va ria ble (s ) (= var i abl es m easur ed)
All c ontrols
Basel i ne
Contr ol ser i es (= sham
ex per i m ents, = pl acebo)
Other
In addi ti on, the Study Desi gn shoul d m ake cl ear
W ha t one e x pe rime nt c ons is te d of
Orde r
of the inte rve ntions
of the me a s ure me nts
of the e x pe rime nts
Dura tion
of the inte rve ntions
of the me a s ure me nts
of the e x pe rime nts
Sa mple s ize (n) (unl ess stated i n a di f f er ent subsecti on of the Methods
secti on, such as Ani m al s, Subjects, Data Anal y si s)
Ex am pl e 5. 1 pr esents one ex am pl e of a Study Desi gn subsecti on f r om a

phy si ol ogy paper.
Ex a mple 5. 1 Study Desi gn

1. ATo deter m i ne w hether i ncr eases i n f etal br eathi ng m ovem ents cause
sustai ned i ncr eases i n pul m onar y ar ter y bl ood f l ow, w e studi ed the si x
f etal sheep ≥ 6 day s postoperati vel y (gestati on age, 129–138 day s). BThi s
wai ti ng per i od al l ow ed f etal br eathi ng m ovem ents and pul m onar y ar ter y
bl ood f l ow to r etur n to nor m al af ter the str ess of sur ger y. CIm m edi atel y
af ter a contr ol per i od of ≥ 60 m i n [109 ± 36 (SD) m i n], w e rapi dl y i nf used
m ecl of enam ate (19. 1 m g) i nto a jugul ar vei n over 10 m i n f ol l ow ed by a
constant i nf usi on of m ecl of enam ate (1. 15 m g/h) f or 240 m i n to i nduce
i ncr eases i n f etal br eathi ng m ovem ents. DIn al l si x f etal sheep, w e star ted
the m ecl of enam ate i nf usi on dur i ng hi ghvol tage sl owwave el ectr ocor ti cal
acti v i ty, w hen no f etal br eathi ng m ovem ents w er e pr esent. EDur i ng both
the contr ol per i od and the m ecl of enam ate i nf usi on, w e conti nuousl y
r ecor ded phasi c and m ean bl ood f l ow s thr ough the l ef t pul m onar y ar ter y i n
the f etal sheep. FWe al so conti nuousl y r ecor ded tracheal pr essur e as an
i ndi cator of f etal br eathi ng m ovem ents, am ni oti c pr essur e as a zer o
r ef er ence poi nt, and el ectr ocor ti cal acti v i ty. GIn addi ti on, to ensur e that
the f etus was i n stabl e condi ti on, w e conti nuousl y r ecor ded hear t rate and
sy stem i c and pul m onar y ar ter y bl ood pr essur es, and w e sam pl ed ar ter i al
bl ood ever y 30 m i n f or deter m i nati on of pH and bl ood gas tensi ons. HThe
ef f ects of m ecl of enam ate on the f etal sheep conti nued f or several hour s
af ter di sconti nuati on of the i nf usi on, so w e di d not col l ect posti nf usi on
data.
P. 131
2. IAf ter com pl eti on of the ex per i m ent, the ew e and f etus w er e k i l l ed w i th
separate i njecti ons of bar bi turate. JAt postm or tem ex am i nati on, each f etus
was car ef ul l y w ei ghed and ex am i ned f or pr oper pl acem ent of the
el ectr om agneti c f l ow transducer and catheter s and patency of the l ef t
pul m onar y ar ter y. KIn addi ti on, the f l ow transducer and the tracheal and
vascul ar catheter s w er e conf i r m ed to be i n pr oper posi ti on i n al l f etuses.
LTher e was no f i br osi s or constr i cti on of the pul m onar y ar ter y pr esent at
the postm or tem ex am i nati on f or any f etal sheep.
Thi s Study Desi gn i ncl udes al l the necessar y i nf or m ati on:
Questi on (sentence A)
Independent var i abl e (C, D, F)
Dependent var i abl es (E, H)
Contr ol s (C, E–G, J–L).

Thi s Study Desi gn al so
Makes cl ear that one ex per i m ent = one f etal sheep.
Indi cates the or der of the m easur em ents (m ost si m ul taneous; som e ever y
30 m i n) (E–G).
Indi cates the durati on of the i nter venti ons and the m easur em ents (C, E–
G).
Indi cates the durati on of the ex per i m ents (C, E–H).
Restates the sam pl e si ze (A, D).
Study Design versus Experimental Approach

In paper s that have a Study Desi gn subsecti on i n the Methods secti on as w el l as
ex per i m ental appr oach at the end of the Intr oducti on, ther e i s som e over l ap
betw een the Study Desi gn and the ex per i m ental appr oach. Thi s over l ap hel ps to
keep the stor y l i ne that r uns f r om the Intr oducti on to the Methods secti on cl ear.
Of ten the ex per i m ental appr oach i s br i ef—just nam i ng the ani m al studi ed
(Chapter 4, Ex am pl e 4. 4), or nam i ng the ty pe of ex per i m ents, such as
substi tuti ng one gene f or another (Ex am pl e 4. 2), or nam i ng a speci al techni que,
such as a new bi of eedback m ethod (Ex am pl e 4. 3). In these cases, over l ap
betw een the Study Desi gn and the ex per i m ental appr oach i s m i ni m al . Other
ti m es the ex per i m ental appr oach gi ves a m or e com pl ete over v i ew of the
ex per i m ents, i ncl udi ng the i ndependent var i abl e, the dependent var i abl e, and
the contr ol s of the i ndependent var i abl e. In these cases, the Study Desi gn and
the ex per i m ental appr oach over l ap a l ot. How ever, the Study Desi gn i s al way s
m or e ex tensi ve than even the m ost com pl ete ex per i m ental appr oach, because
the Study Desi gn i ncl udes speci f i c detai l s (f or ex am pl e, of ti m i ng and doses),
w hi ch ar e not i ncl uded i n the ex per i m ental appr oach. Thus, a Study Desi gn
subsecti on i n Methods i s al way s necessar y i n hy pothesi stesti ng paper s i n w hi ch
al l ex per i m ents ar e desi gned i n advance, so that the r eader has a com pl ete
pi ctur e of the strategy you used to answ er your questi on.
Study Design as “Topic Sentence.”

Because the Study Desi gn gi ves an over v i ew of the ex per i m ents done to answ er
the questi on and i s f ol l ow ed by cook book detai l s (i n separate subsecti ons),
w hi ch tel l ex actl y how the ex per i m ents w er e done, the Study Desi gn subsecti on
can be v i ew ed as a sor t of topi c sentence f or the m ethods subsecti ons of the
Mater i al s and Methods secti on. Li ke al l topi c sentences, the Study Desi gn
shoul d be as br i ef as possi bl e, so that the over v i ew i s cl ear.
P. 132
Cookbook: How You Did the Experiments
Methods and Apparatus

The am ount of detai l needed w hen descr i bi ng a m ethod or an apparatus
depends on how w el l k now n the m ethod or apparatus i s.
A w el l k now n m ethod or apparatus need not be descr i bed. Al l that i s needed i s

the r ef er ence, as i n Ex am pl e 5. 2.
Ex a mple 5. 2 Wel l Know n Method
In these sam pl es, l i pi ds w er e ex tracted (Bl i gh and Dyer, 1959) f or phosphor us

deter m i nati on (Bar tl ett, 1959) and f or thi nl ayer chr om atography (Poor thui s et
al ., 1976).
For a l ess w el l k now n m ethod or apparatus, state the essenti al f eatur es and
gi ve the r ef er ence, as i n Ex am pl e 5. 3.
Ex a mple 5. 3 Less Wel l Know n Method
Lam el l ar bodi es w er e i sol ated accor di ng to a pr ev i ousl y r epor ted pr ocedur e

(Bar i tussi o et al ., 1981). Thi s pr ocedur e separates l am el l ar bodi es i nto tw o
popul ati ons that have di f f er ent densi ti es: l i ght l am el l ar bodi es, w hi ch ar e
col l ected betw een 0. 33 and 0. 45 M sucr ose, and dense l am el l ar bodi es, w hi ch
ar e col l ected betw een 0. 45 and 0. 58 M sucr ose.
Si m i l ar l y, i f you m odi f i ed a m ethod or apparatus, state the essenti al f eatur es

of the m odi f i cati on i n addi ti on to gi v i ng the r ef er ence. Al so state the pur pose
of the m odi f i cati on, i f k now i ng i t w oul d be hel pf ul to the r eader, as i n Ex am pl e
5. 4.
Ex a mple 5. 4 Modi f i ed Method

In l am el l ar bodi es and other f racti ons obtai ned f r om the densi ty gradi ent
pr ocedur e, the am ount of pr otei n was deter m i ned (Low r y et al ., 1951) usi ng 1%
sodi um dodecy l sul f ate (Eastm an Kodak , Rochester N Y) to r educe i nter f er ence
by l i pi ds (Lees and Pax m an, 1972).
In Ex am pl e 5. 4, the m odi f i cati on i s “usi ng 1% sodi um dodecy l sul f ate” and the
pur pose of the m odi f i cati on i s “to r educe i nter f er ence by l i pi ds.”
If a m odi f i cati on i s tr i v i al , i t does not need to be m enti oned.
For a new m ethod or apparatus, pr esent a com pl ete descr i pti on so that the
r eader can eval uate or use the m ethod or apparatus w i th f ul l under standi ng of
how i t w or k s.
Analysis of Data
State how you cal cul ated der i ved var i abl es (such as pul m onar y vascul ar
r esi stance) ei ther i n Methods of Measur em ent and Cal cul ati on or i n Anal y si s of
Data.
State how you sum m ar i zed your data. For thi s statem ent, pr ov i de the r eader
w i th i nf or m ati on about both the m agni tude of the data (w hat stati sti ci ans cal l a
m easur e of central tendency ) and the var i abi l i ty. What i nf or m ati on you gi ve to
sum m ar i ze the m agni tude and the var i abi l i ty of your data depends on w hether
the data com e f r om a nor m al di str i buti on or a skew ed di str i buti on.
When the data seem to have been draw n f r om a nor m al di str i buti on (or, at
l east, ar e di str i buted sy m m etr i cal l y about the m ean), i t i s r easonabl e to use
the
P. 133
m ean and standar d dev i ati on (SD) to sum m ar i ze the data. The m ean pr ov i des a
descr i pti on of the overal l m agni tude of the data. The standar d dev i ati on
pr ov i des a m easur e of the var i abi l i ty i n the sam pl e. Peopl e of ten use the m ean
and the standar d er r or of the m ean (SEM) (w hi ch equal s the standar d dev i ati on
di v i ded by the squar e r oot of the sam pl e si ze) to sum m ar i ze data. But usi ng the
m ean and the standar d er r or of the m ean i s general l y not a good way to
sum m ar i ze data f or tw o r easons. One r eason i s that the standar d er r or of the
m ean does not i ndi cate the var i abi l i ty i n the sam pl e (as an esti m ate of the
var i abi l i ty i n the under l y i ng popul ati on); rather, the standar d er r or of the m ean
quanti f i es the uncer tai nty i n the esti m ate of the tr ue m ean (that i s, the m ean
of the under l y i ng popul ati on). Another r eason not to use the standar d er r or of
the m ean to sum m ar i ze data i s that m any r eader s do not k now the di f f er ence
betw een the standar d er r or of the m ean and the standar d dev i ati on. When
these r eader s see a standar d er r or of the m ean, they m i si nter pr et i t as
i ndi cati ng the var i abi l i ty i n the sam pl e. To avoi d the chance of thi s
m i si nter pr etati on, i t i s cl ear est to use the m ean and standar d dev i ati on (w hi ch
does i ndi cate the var i abi l i ty i n the sam pl e) to sum m ar i ze data.
When the data appear to com e f r om a skew ed di str i buti on (that i s, an

i nor di nate num ber of hi gh or l ow val ues, com par ed to the m ean), the m ean and
standar d dev i ati on do not pr ov i de an accurate sum m ar y of the data. In thi s
case, you shoul d r epor t the m edi an and the i nter quar ti l e range (that i s, the
range betw een the 25th and the 75th per centi l es).
For stati sti cal anal y si s, state the stati sti cal tests that you used and, f or tests
that ar e not w el l k now n, al so gi ve a r ef er ence to the r epor t or book that
descr i bes the tests as you used them . Wel l k now n tests that do not need to be
r ef er enced i ncl ude Student's t test, chi squar e, standar d f or m s of anal y si s of
var i ance, l i near r egr essi on, cor r el ati on, and w i del y used nonparam etr i c tests
such as the Wi l coxon si gnedrank test.
Except w hen usi ng the si m pl est of stati sti cal m ethods (such as the t test), i f
you used a com puter pr ogram to anal y ze your data, state w hi ch pr ogram
(i ncl udi ng ver si on or r el ease num ber ) and w hi ch nondef aul t opti ons you used.
Pr ov i de a r ef er ence.
State w hi ch m easur em ents the stati sti cal tests you used com par e w i th each
other.
If the si ze of the sam pl e anal y zed f or each com par i son (n) i s not obv i ous f r om
the Study Desi gn, state the sam pl e si ze i n the Anal y si s of Data subsecti on.
State the P val ue at w hi ch you consi der ed di f f er ences stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant.
In addi ti on, gi ve speci f i c P val ues i n f i gur e l egends, f ootnotes to tabl es, or the
Resul ts secti on, w her e each P val ue can be l i nked w i th the r el evant data.
To deter m i ne w hether to accept or r eject a hy pothesi s, a P val ue i s not al way s

suf f i ci ent. A di f f er ence can be stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant but bi ol ogi cal l y or
cl i ni cal l y uni m por tant. For ex am pl e, a di f f er ence can be stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant
because the sam pl e si ze i s l ar ge rather than because a tr eatm ent has a l ar ge
ef f ect. Thus, i t i s of ten usef ul to assess the si ze of the di f f er ence i n
com par i son w i th the var i abi l i ty i n the data sam pl e by cal cul ati ng the 95%
conf i dence i nter val (see Gl antz, Chap. 7, and Gar dner and Al tm an).
Ex a mple 5. 5 Sam pl e Anal y si s of Data Subsecti on
Data ar e sum m ar i zed as m ean ± SD. 1 To anal y ze the data stati sti cal l y, w e
per f or m ed a oneway anal y si s of var i ance 2 f or r epeated m easur em ents of the
sam e var i abl e. 3 We then used Dunnett's m ul ti pl e range t test (10) 4 to
deter m i ne w hi ch m eans w er e si gni f i cantl y di f f er ent f r om the m ean of the
contr ol per i ods. 3 We consi der ed di f f er ences si gni f i cant at P < 0. 05. 5
P. 134
Footnotes
1 How the data w er e sum m ar i zed
2 Stati sti cal test used (w el l k now n; no r ef er ence needed)
3 Measur em ents that w er e com par ed
4 Stati sti cal test used (unf am i l i ar test; r ef er ence needed)
5 P v al ue at w hi ch di f f er ences w er e consi der ed stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant
Preparation
Pr eparati on consi sts of pr ocedur es done bef or e the ex per i m ents can be done. In
phy si ol ogy ex per i m ents, f or ex am pl e, pr eparati on of ten i ncl udes anesthesi a and
i nser ti on of catheter s. For ex am pl es, see Ex am pl e 5. 16 and Exer ci ses 5. 1 and
5. 2 at the end of thi s chapter.
Assumptions
If your ex per i m ental desi gn i s based on assum pti ons, state the assum pti ons and
your r easons f or bel i ev i ng that they ar e val i d. If your r easons ar e l engthy, they
can be pr esented i n the Di scussi on (see Chap. 7, Ex am pl e 7. 10).
Indicators
If you assessed an i ndi cator of a var i abl e, m ake cl ear w hat var i abl e i t i s an
i ndi cator of. For ex am pl e, “We i nf used bl ood i nto the super i or and i nf er i or
venae cavae at about 25 m l /k g over 2 m i n unti l m ean l ef t atr i al pr essur e, our
i ndi cator of pr el oad, i ncr eased by about 100%.” Then i n the r est of the Methods
secti on, tal k about m ean l ef t atr i al pr essur e, not about pr el oad. If you
i denti f i ed the i ndi cator i n the Intr oducti on, you do not have to i denti f y i t agai n
i n Methods.
Why You Did the Experiments: Purposes and Reasons

It i s not al way s obv i ous to the r eader w hy you di d cer tai n pr ocedur es, so state
the pur pose or r eason f or any pr ocedur e w hose r el ati on to the questi on i s not
obv i ous.
Pur poses ar e com m onl y si gnal ed by
an i nf i ni ti ve phrase (an i nf i ni ti ve i s “to” pl us the ver b) (Ex am pl e 5. 6) or

by
a pr eposi ti onal phrase begi nni ng w i th the pr eposi ti on “f or ” and endi ng w i th

a noun that i s m ade f r om a ver b or that i m pl i es acti on (Ex am pl e 5. 7).
Example 5.6
The m ater i al was el uted i n 5 m M Tr i s HCl /100 m M N aCl , pH 7. 40, to s e pa ra te
col l agenaser esi stant f ragm ents f r om i ntact sur f actant pr otei n A.
Example 5.7
For pr i m ar y cul tur e, the cel l s w er e r esuspended i n Dul becco's m odi f i ed Eagl e's
m edi um contai ni ng 10% (vol /vol ) f etal bov i ne ser um and gentam i ci n (50
µg/m l ).
Reasons ar e com m onl y si gnal ed by “because,” as i n Ex am pl e 5. 8.
Example 5.8
Bov i ne ser um al bum i n (0. 1%, f racti on V) was i ncl uded i n the bi ndi ng m edi um
be c a us e al bum i n r educed adher ence of sur f actant pr otei n A to m i cr ocentr i f uge
tubes and ti ssue cul tur e pl asti c war e but di d not al ter the bi ndi ng of sur f actant
pr otei n A to l ung cel l s.
Som eti m es “because” i s om i tted:
P. 135
Example 5.9
Radi ol abel ed sur f actant pr otei n A was used w i thi n 2–3 w eek s af ter the
i odi nati on; storage f or l onger per i ods of ti m e r educed bi ndi ng of pr otei n to
cel l s.
Si m i l ar l y, i n Ex am pl e 5. 1, above, one r eason i s gi ven i n a separate sentence

(sentence B). Another r eason i s attached to i ts consequence by “so” (sentence
H) bef or e the second cl ause (w hi ch states the consequence) rather than by
“because” at the begi nni ng of the sentence.
ORGANIZATION
Overall Organization
The natural or gani zati on of the Mater i al s and Methods secti on i s chr onol ogi cal
or der. In addi ti on, because Mater i al s and Methods i s a l ong secti on that
pr esents several di f f er ent ty pes of i nf or m ati on, Mater i al s and Methods i s
di v i ded i nto subsecti ons based on the ty pe of i nf or m ati on. These subsecti ons
ar e i n chr onol ogi cal or der. Each subsecti on has i ts ow n subheadi ng. For
hy pothesi stesti ng paper s that desi gn al l ex per i m ents i n advance, these
subheadi ngs ar e gener i c:
Generic Subheadings for the Methods Section of

HypothesisTesting Papers That Design All
Experiments in Advance
Anima l Studie s Clinic a l Studie s
Mater i al s Study Subjects
Ani m al s Incl usi on Cr i ter i a
Pr eparati on Excl usi on Cr i ter i a
Study Desi gn Study Desi gn

Inter venti ons Inter venti ons
Methods of Measur em ent Methods of Measur em ent
Cal cul ati ons Cal cul ati ons
Anal y si s of Data Anal y si s of Data
For any gi ven ani m al study or cl i ni cal study, som e subsecti ons i n Methods m ay
not be needed, so those subsecti ons, and thei r subheadi ngs, ar e om i tted. For
ex am pl e, the Mater i al s and the Ani m al s subsecti ons ar e om i tted i f ther e ar e not
enough detai l s to war rant a separate subsecti on. Instead, the detai l s ar e
i ncl uded i n Methods of Measur em ent and Sur gi cal Pr eparati on, r especti vel y. If
no pr eparati on (such as sur gi cal pl acem ent of catheter s) was done, the
Pr eparati on subsecti on and i ts subheadi ng ar e om i tted. Si m i l ar l y, i nter venti ons
m ay not need to be descr i bed i n m or e detai l than gi ven i n the Study Desi gn, so
the i nter venti ons subsecti on can be om i tted. Som eti m es, i ncl usi on and
excl usi on cr i ter i a can be com bi ned i nto a si ngl e subsecti on hav i ng a si ngl e
subheadi ng, or i ncl usi on and excl usi on cr i ter i a m ay be br i ef enough to i ncl ude
i n the Study Subjects subsecti on.
For hy pothesi stesti ng paper s i n w hi ch the r esul ts of one ex per i m ent deter m i ne
w hat the nex t ex per i m ent w i l l be, the subheadi ngs of the subsecti ons
P. 136
ar e speci f i c. The subheadi ngs nam e the speci f i c m ater i al or var i abl e w or ked on
or the speci f i c pr ocedur e done. Her e ar e tw o ex am pl es:
Specific Subheadings for the Methods Section of

HypothesisTesting Papers in Which the Results
of One Experiment Determine What the Next
Experiment Will Be
One P a pe r Anothe r P a pe r
Medi a and Gr ow th Condi ti ons Tr y panosom es

Pl asm i d Constr ucti ons Stabl e Transf or m ati on
Yeast Strai ns DN A Constr ucts
Pl asm i d Rescue and DN A Transf ecti on
Sequence Anal y si s T. br ucei Rel apse Ex per i m ents
Fram eshi f t Rate Deter m i nati on In Vi vo Rel apses
In Vi tr o Rel apses
DN A, RN A, and Pr otei n Anal y ses
Genom i c DN A
DN A Pr obes
RN A Bl ots
Pr otei n Bl ots
Overlap between Study Design and Methods of
Measurement
In the Methods secti ons of ani m al studi es and cl i ni cal studi es, the i ndependent
and the dependent var i abl es ar e m enti oned i n the Study Desi gn subsecti on. In
addi ti on, the detai l s of how the dependent var i abl es w er e m easur ed ar e
descr i bed i n a separate subsecti on (Methods of Measur em ent). Thus, the
dependent var i abl es ar e al way s m enti oned tw i ce i n the Methods secti on: once
i n the Study Desi gn (as par t of the over v i ew ) and once i n the Methods of
Measur em ent (cook book ). Al though the dependent var i abl es ar e m enti oned
tw i ce, w hat i s sai d about the var i abl es i s di f f er ent: the Study Desi gn tel l s that
the dependent var i abl es w er e m easur ed; the Methods of Measur em ent tel l s how
the dependent var i abl es w er e m easur ed. (Si m i l ar l y, the i nter venti ons can be
m enti oned tw i ce i f necessar y ). Thi s over l ap i s si m i l ar to the r epeti ti on of key
ter m s i n the topi c sentence and suppor ti ng sentences of a paragraph and i s
w hat keeps the stor y l i ne goi ng.
Organization within Subsections

Wi thi n each subsecti on of Methods, or gani ze topi cs ei ther chr onol ogi cal l y or i n
or der of m ost to l east i m por tant. For Pr eparati on, chr onol ogi cal or der i s best.
For the m ethods subsecti ons, the or gani zati on depends on the ty pe of
i nf or m ati on. If you have m ethods f or both i ndependent var i abl es and dependent
var i abl es, descr i be m ethods f or the i ndependent var i abl es f i r st (chr onol ogi cal
or der ). If you m easur ed al l var i abl es si m ul taneousl y, descr i be the m ethods f or
the dependent var i abl es that answ er the questi on f i r st and then the m ethods f or
other dependent var i abl es (m ost to l east i m por tant).
Signaling the Organization

Topi cs i n the Methods secti on can be si gnal ed by subheadi ngs, by topi c
sentences, or by transi ti on phrases or cl auses.
P. 137
Subheadings
Subheadi ngs si gnal topi cs of subsecti ons, w hi ch can i ncl ude one or m or e
paragraphs.
Ex a mple 5. 10 Subheadi ng Si gnal i ng the Topi c of a Paragraph

Gel Filtration
Af ter centr i f ugati on at 100, 000 × g f or 20 m i n, sol ubl e beef l i ver ex tracts w er e
subjected to gel f i l trati on on a Super ose 12 col um n (Phar m aci a) equi l i brated i n
20 m M MOPS (pH 7. 2), 50 m M KCl , 2 m M MgCl 2 , 1 m M PMSF, and 10% gl ycer ol .
When i ndi cated, the ex tract (200 µl at 23 m g of pr otei n/m l ) was pr ei ncubated
w i th 1 m M ATP at 30°C f or 15 m i n, f ol l ow ed by i ncubati on w i th 10 U /m l apy rase
on i ce f or 15 m i n and centr i f ugati on as above.
Topic Sentences
Topi c sentences can be used to si gnal the topi c of a paragraph, especi al l y w hen
a subsecti on has m or e than one paragraph (Ex am pl e 5. 11).
Ex a mple 5. 11 Topi c Sentence Si gnal i ng the Topi c of a Paragraph
The ef f ects of i ntraar ter i al pr essur e gradi ents on steadystate ci r cum f l ex

pr essur ef l ow r el ati ons der i ved dur i ng l ong di astol es w er e ex am i ned i n f i ve
dogs. To obtai n each pr essur ef l ow poi nt, w e f i r st set the m ean ci r cum f l ex
pr essur e to the desi r ed l evel and then ar r ested the hear t by tur ni ng of f the
pacem aker. The pr essur e and f l ow rate w er e m easur ed af ter a steady state was
r eached, usual l y w i thi n 2–3 s. In these ex per i m ents, one pr essur ef l ow r el ati on
was der i ved i n the absence of i ntraar ter i al pr essur e gradi ents and the other i n
the pr esence of a gradi ent, w hen m ean l ef t m ai n cor onar y ar ter i al pr essur e was
hel d constant at 100 m m Hg.
“As f ol l ow s” coul d be added at the end of the topi c sentence i n Ex am pl e 5. 11.

How ever, “as f ol l ow s” becom es bor i ng i f used i n m or e than one paragraph, so
use “as f ol l ow s” judi ci ousl y.
Transition Phrases or Clauses

Transi ti on phrases or cl auses that state pur poses can be used to si gnal the
topi c of a paragraph i n the Mater i al s and Methods secti on. The transi ti on phrase
or cl ause com es at the begi nni ng of the f i r st sentence of the paragraph, and the
end of that sentence states the f i r st step i n the pr ocedur e. The r em ai ni ng
sentences i n the paragraph state the subsequent steps. An ex am pl e i s Ex am pl e
5. 12.
Ex a mple 5. 12 Transi ti on Phrase Si gnal i ng the Topi c of a Paragraph

To pr epar e the enzy m e sol uti on, the cel l s w er e f i r st i ncubated i n l i popr otei n
def i ci ent ser um f or 48 h. Then, af ter bei ng washed w i th phosphatebuf f er ed
sal i ne thr ee ti m es, the cel l s w er e har vested, suspended i n 3 m l of phosphate
buf f er ed sal i ne, and hom ogeni zed i n a gl ass–gl ass hom ogeni zer by hand. The
hom ogenate was centr i f uged at 700 × g f or 10 m i n and the r esul tant
super natant was used as the enzy m e sol uti on.
Som eti m es none of these si gnal s i s used to i denti f y the topi c of a paragraph.
The topi c becom es appar ent f r om the subject and ver b. For ex am pl e, i n a
paragraph i n Pr eparati on begi nni ng “Dogs w er e anestheti zed,” the topi c of the
paragraph i s anesthesi a.
P. 138
Relationship of Parts
Relate the Study Design to the Question It Answers

To ensur e that the Study Desi gn r el ates cl ear l y to the questi on i t answ er s,
r estate the questi on bef or e descr i bi ng the study desi gn. The questi on can be
r estated i n a topi c sentence (Ex am pl e 5. 13) or i n a transi ti on phrase (Ex am pl e
5. 14).
Ex a mple Topi c Sentence of the Study Desi gn Restati ng the

5. 13 Questi on
The ef f ect of hi ghf r equency venti l ati on on the di schar ge of the thr ee k now n
ty pes of pul m onar y r eceptor s was ascer tai ned as f ol l ow s. Af ter a si ngl e
af f er ent ner ve f i ber f r om a sl ow l y adapti ng pul m onar y str etch r eceptor, a
rapi dl y adapti ng pul m onar y r eceptor, or a pul m onar y Cf i ber was i denti f i ed,
r ecor di ngs w er e m ade f or 1–2 m i n dur i ng nor m al contr ol l ed venti l ati on w i th the
Har var d venti l ator. The dog was then venti l ated w i th the hi ghf r equency
venti l ator and af f er ent ner ve acti v i ty was r ecor ded sequenti al l y at thr ee m ean
ai r way pr essur es—l ow, i nter m edi ate, and hi gh (appr ox i m atel y 0. 5, 1. 0, and 1. 5
k Pa, r especti vel y )—unti l a steady state was r eached, usual l y 1–2 m i n.
Ex a mple Transi ti on Phrase i n the Study Desi gn Restati ng the

5. 14 Questi on
To deter m i ne the ef f ect of betaadr ener gi c agoni sts on cl earance of l i qui d and
pr otei n f r om the l ungs, w e i nsti l l ed i nto one l ow er l obe ei ther ser um al one (si x
sheep), ser um m i xed w i th ter butal i ne (10 5 M, Gei gy, Sum m i t N J) (si x sheep),
or ser um m i xed w i th epi nephr i ne (5. 5 × 10 6 M, Am Qui ni ne, Shi r l ey N Y) (si x
sheep), and then m easur ed the var i abl es descr i bed i n the general pr otocol .
When ther e i s m or e than one questi on, r estate the appr opr i ate questi on at the
begi nni ng of each study desi gn, so that the r eader k now s w hi ch study desi gn
r el ates to w hi ch questi on. When r estati ng the questi on, be sur e to use the sam e
key ter m s, the sam e ver b, and the sam e poi nt of v i ew as i n the or i gi nal
questi on, so that the r eader can easi l y r ecogni ze that thi s questi on i s the sam e
questi on asked i n the Intr oducti on.
Relate the Methods to the Results

For ever y r esul t i n the Resul ts secti on, ther e shoul d be a m ethod i n the
Methods secti on.
LENGTH
The Methods secti on shoul d be as l ong as necessar y to descr i be f ul l y and
accuratel y w hat was done and how i t was done. How ever, Methods shoul d be
w r i tten i n the f ew est w or ds possi bl e and shoul d not contai n f ussy detai l . What
consti tutes f ussy detai l depends on w hat the r eader s of the jour nal to w hi ch
you subm i t your paper can be ex pected to k now.
DETAILS
Animals
To ensur e that the r eader k now s w hat ani m al you studi ed, use the ani m al 's
nam e (f or ex am pl e, dog, cat) ever y ti m e, not the general ter m “ani m al .”
P. 139
Verb Tense
Methods ar e r epor ted i n past tense, f or ex am pl e, “w e m easur ed,” “catheter s
w er e i nser ted.” (Al so see ex am pl es above. )
How ever, to descr i be how data ar e pr esented i n the paper, use pr esent tense,
because thi s i nf or m ati on i s sti l l tr ue. For ex am pl e, “Data ar e sum m ar i zed as
m ean ± SD.”
Sample Size
When you have several di f f er ent sam pl e si zes (f or ex am pl e, f or subgr oups
w i thi n a gr oup), be sur e that the num ber s add up cor r ectl y thr oughout the
Methods secti on (and thr oughout the paper ). For ex am pl e, i f the Methods
secti on begi ns by say i ng that ex per i m ents w er e done on 39 rabbi ts and l ater
say s that 25 rabbi ts w er e tr eated w i th one dr ug and 13 rabbi ts w er e tr eated
w i th another dr ug, the r eader w onder s w hether one rabbi t was l ef t untr eated.
Or i f the Methods secti on say s that 11 rabbi ts w er e pr epar ed and then r epor ts
that 5 rabbi ts w er e used i n the f i r st ex per i m ent, 4 i n the second ex per i m ent,
and 6 i n the thi r d ex per i m ent, the r eader w onder s w hy 4 of the 15 w er e not
pr epar ed. If the author m eant that 5 of the 11 w er e used i n the f i r st
ex per i m ent, 4 of the 11 i n the second ex per i m ent, and 6 of the 11 i n the thi r d
ex per i m ent, that i s the way to descr i be them : “4 of the 11,” not “4.”
Si m i l ar l y, f or studi es of hum an subjects, m ake cl ear how the num ber s of

subjects r el ate to each other. For ex am pl e, i f 100 subjects w er e i nter v i ew ed but
20 w er e di squal i f i ed, the total num ber studi ed i s 80, not 100. Of these 80, i f 30
w er e used i n one study, cl ar i f y that the 30 w er e par t of the 80, not i n addi ti on
to the 80, by w r i ti ng, “In 30 of the 80 subjects, w e tested…” or “Of the 80
subjects, 30 w er e gi ven… .” To i ndi cate that i n another study 30 di f f er ent
subjects w er e used, w r i te, “In 30 other subjects, w e tested…” or “Thi r ty other
subjects w er e gi ven… .”
Information in Parentheses
In the Methods secti on, detai l s ar e of ten pl aced i n par entheses so that the f l ow
of i deas i n the sentence w i l l not be i nter r upted. Som e detai l s that ar e
com m onl y pl aced i n par entheses ar e w ei ghts of ani m al s or hum an subjects,
concentrati ons, doses, m anuf actur er s' nam es, and m odel num ber s. For
ex am pl e, “Hor se r ed bl ood cel l s (Col orado Ser um Com pany, Boul der ) w er e
washed thr ee ti m es i n 7 m l of 0. 9% N aCl bef or e use to r em ove pr eser vati ves.”
See al so Ex am pl e 5. 14, above. If i nstead detai l s ar e w r i tten bef or e the noun,
no par entheses ar e used. Com par e “10 m g ni tr ogl ycer i n” and “ni tr ogl ycer i n (10
m g).”
Precise Word Choice

U se the ver b that i ndi cates pr eci sel y w hat you di d: “m easur ed,” “cal cul ated,”
“esti m ated.” For ex am pl e, “We m easur ed hear t rate and ventr i cul ar pr essur e
and cal cul ated m ax i m al posi ti ve dP/dt.” If you want to di scuss m easur em ents
and cal cul ati ons together, usi ng one ter m that i ncl udes both, use “deter m i ned.”
For ex am pl e, “We deter m i ned hear t rate, ventr i cul ar pr essur e, and m ax i m al
posi ti ve dP/dt.”
Avoi d i nter changi ng the f ol l ow i ng ter m s:
Study : A sustai ned, sy stem ati c i nqui r y i nto, or ex am i nati on of, a

phenom enon, devel opm ent, or questi on
P. 140
Ex per i m ent: A test done to ex am i ne the val i di ty of a hy pothesi s (r ef er r ed
to as a study w hen the subjects ar e hum an)
Ser i es: A set of tw o or m or e r el ated ex per i m ents
Gr oup: A num ber of ex per i m ental ani m al s or hum an subjects tr eated

si m i l ar l y or hav i ng si m i l ar character i sti cs
One paper i s equi val ent to one study, but i t can r epor t m any ex per i m ents,
ser i es of ex per i m ents, and gr oups of ani m al s or subjects, as show n i n Ex am pl e
5. 15.
Example 5.15
In thi s study , the ex per i m ents w er e or gani zed i nto tw o ser i es. In the f i r st
ser i es, w e m easur ed the l oss of 9µm di am eter m i cr ospher es f r om the l ungs;
i n the second ser i es, w e m easur ed the l oss of 9µm di am eter m i cr ospher es
f r om the l ef t ventr i cul ar myocar di um . Each ser i es of ex per i m ents was
per f or m ed on tw o gr oups of dogs, one gr oup anestheti zed w i th Innovar Vet and
a 75:25 m i x tur e of ni tr ous ox i de and ox ygen and the other gr oup anestheti zed
w i th hal othane.
Point of View
In the Methods secti on, the poi nt of v i ew can be ei ther that of the ex per i m ent
or that of the ex per i m enter.
Poi nt of v i ew of the ex per i m ent: Bl ood sam pl es w er e draw n.
Poi nt of v i ew of the ex per i m enter : We dr ew bl ood sam pl es.
If you choose the poi nt of v i ew of the ex per i m enter rather than the poi nt of
v i ew of the ex per i m ent, m any of your sentences w i l l begi n w i th “w e.” Begi nni ng
m any sentences w i th “w e” i s obnox i ous. Ther ef or e, i f you choose thi s poi nt of
v i ew, keep the num ber of “w e's” to a m i ni m um and var y the begi nni ngs of
sentences so that ver y f ew begi n w i th “w e.” To keep the num ber of “w e's” to a
m i ni m um , put al l the steps of a si ngl e pr ocedur e i n one sentence.
We de hydra te d the pel l ets, c le a re d them w i th pr opy l ene ox i de, and

e mbe dde d sm al l pi eces of each pel l et i n bl ock s of Spur r 's r esi n.
To m ake the “w e's” l ess pr om i nent, var y the begi nni ngs of the sentences. Begi n
som e sentences w i th a transi ti on w or d or phrase i ndi cati ng ti m e sequence:
Af ter 30 s, w e centr i f uged the sam pl es.
Then w e centr i f uged the suspensi on as bef or e.
Begi n som e sentences w i th the pur pose:
To pr epar e i sol ated sur f ace l ayer s f or el ectr on m i cr oscopy , w e

r esuspended the 0. 1m l pel l ets of packed, washed sur f ace l ayer s i n 0. 2–
0. 3 m l of buf f er, and pi petted thi s concentrated suspensi on i nto a 35m m
di am eter pl asti c cul tur e di sh par ti al l y f i l l ed w i th har dened epox y r esi n
that had been coated w i th pol y l y si ne.
Begi n som e sentences w i th a r eason:
Because these sur f ace l ayer s di d not sti ck w el l to pol y l y si ne, w e

pr ocessed them as sm al l pel l ets.
Begi n som e sentences w i th a phrase subor di nati ng the f i r st step of a pr ocedur e:
Af ter f i x i ng the sur f ace l ayer s f or 0. 5–2 h, w e r i nsed them thr ee ti m es i n

gl yci nef r ee buf f er and then postf i xed them i n 1% OsO 4 i n gl yci nef r ee
buf f er f or 0. 5–1 h.
P. 141
Handling Point of View in the Methods Section

At the si m pl est l evel of sophi sti cati on, you can choose to w r i te your enti r e
Methods secti on f r om one poi nt of v i ew. If you choose the poi nt of v i ew of the
ex per i m ent, thi s choi ce has the advantage of m ak i ng the topi c the subject of
the sentence, thus em phasi zi ng w hat i s i m por tant (the m ethod, the var i abl e,
etc. ). The di sadvantage i s that m ost sentences w i l l be i n passi ve voi ce, w hi ch
i s dul l . But si nce peopl e r ead Methods to get pr eci se i nf or m ati on, the
di sadvantage of dul l ness i s general l y outw ei ghed by the advantage of m ak i ng
the topi c the subject. So choosi ng to w r i te the Methods secti on f r om the poi nt
of v i ew of the ex per i m ent i s a def ensi bl e choi ce. The al ter nati ve, the poi nt of
v i ew of the ex per i m enter (“w e”), i s undeni abl y m or e l i vel y because i t usual l y
r equi r es the use of acti ve voi ce. How ever, i t sacr i f i ces hav i ng the topi c as the
subject of the sentence. Al so, usi ng “w e” i s i nappr opr i ate i f som eone other than
the author s (f or ex am pl e, a techni ci an) actual l y di d the w or k . In addi ti on, i f
“w e” i s not car ef ul l y handl ed, i t can be di stracti ng. N ever thel ess, i f “w e” i s w el l
handl ed, choosi ng to w r i te the Methods secti on f r om the poi nt of v i ew of the
ex per i m enter i s al so a def ensi bl e choi ce. Si nce both poi nts of v i ew ar e
def ensi bl e, choose w hi chever poi nt of v i ew you ar e m or e com f or tabl e w i th.
At a hi gher l evel of sophi sti cati on, you can w r i te som e subsecti ons f r om one
poi nt of v i ew and other subsecti ons f r om another poi nt of v i ew. For ex am pl e,
you can use “w e” i n the Study Desi gn, as i n the f i r st paragraph of Ex am pl e 5. 1
above, but not i n the Methods of Measur em ent, as i n Ex am pl e 5. 4. An
advantage of thi s choi ce i s that subsecti ons that ar e di f f i cul t to w r i te f r om one
poi nt of v i ew can be w r i tten f r om the other.
At the hi ghest l evel of sophi sti cati on, you can choose one poi nt of v i ew f or a
gi ven subsecti on but w r i te som e sentences f r om another poi nt of v i ew w hen you
have a speci f i c and obv i ous r eason. For ex am pl e, you can use the poi nt of v i ew
of the ex per i m enter (“w e”) f or sentences that m ove the stor y f or war d and the
poi nt of v i ew of the ex per i m ent f or sentences that do not m ove the stor y
f or war d, as i n Ex am pl e 5. 16. The advantage i s that the w r i ti ng i s sm ooth and
cl ear.
What you want to avoi d i s changi ng back and f or th f r om one poi nt of v i ew to

another several ti m es w i thi n one paragraph f or no appar ent r eason.
Ex a mple 5. 16 Handl i ng Poi nt of Vi ew i n the Methods Secti on

A Fi ve m ongr el dogs, w ei ghi ng 17. 1 to 27. 2 k g, w er e anestheti zed w i th sodi um
pentobar bi tal (N em butal , Abbott Laborator i es, 25 m g/k g, i . v. ), i ntubated, and
venti l ated w i th a posi ti ve pr essur e r espi rator (Model 607, Har var d Apparatus
Co., Mi l l i s, MA). B To m ai ntai n anesthesi a dur i ng sur ger y and dur i ng the
ex per i m ent, w e gave addi ti onal doses of sodi um pentobar bi tal (0. 5–1. 0 m g ·
k g 1 · h 1 ). C We per f or m ed a thoracotomy thr ough the f our th l ef t i nter costal
space. D Thr ough a 1 to 2cm i nci si on i n the per i car di um , w e i nser ted a
m ul ti pl esi dehol e pol y v i ny l catheter and a 2 × 3 cm f l at si l asti c bal l oon, w hi ch
w e pl aced at the l evel of the m i dl ef t ventr i cl e w hen the dog was supi ne. E The
catheter and the bal l oon w er e used to m easur e per i car di al pr essur e. F The
catheter was al so used to i nject f l ui d i nto the per i car di al cav i ty. G We sutur ed
the i nci si on i n the per i car di um water ti ght and pl aced a second f l at bal l oon at
the l evel of the f i r st bal l oon on the outsi de of the per i car di um i n or der to
m easur e pl eural pr essur e. H We l ed al l thr ee tubes thr ough the thoracotomy
i nci si on. I Then w e i nser ted a chest tube thr ough a separate i nci si on and
advanced i t behi nd the ster num about 20 cm towar ds the di aphragm . J We
sutur ed both i nci si ons and connected the chest tube to a sucti on l i ne to r em ove
the ai r f r om the chest.
P. 142
Thi s paragraph i s w r i tten f r om the poi nt of v i ew of the ex per i m enter except f or
tw o pl aces: the f i r st sentence (to avoi d star ti ng w i th “w e”) and the tw o
sentences descr i bi ng the pur poses of the catheter and the bal l oon (E, F), w hi ch,
unl i ke the other sentences i n thi s paragraph, do not m ove the stor y f or war d.
The author has m ade an ef f or t to avoi d star ti ng ever y sentence w i th “w e”: of
the 10 sentences, 3 star t w i th nouns (under l i ned), 4 star t w i th “w e,” and 3
avoi d star ti ng w i th “w e” (under l i ned, i tal i cs). Thi s paragraph coul d easi l y have
been w r i tten w i thout any “w e's,” but i t w oul d have been l ess l i vel y.
Units of Measurement
The Inter nati onal Sy stem of U ni ts (Sy stèm e Inter nati onal d'U ni tés) (SI uni ts)
shoul d be used. For a l i st of SI uni ts and thei r abbr ev i ati ons, see r ef er ence
book s, such as the CBE Sty l e Manual (pp. 147–150), and ar ti cl es i n jour nal s,
such as Young's ar ti cl e i n Annal s of Inter nal Medi ci ne (1987).
P. 143
SUMMARY OF GUIDELINES FOR THE MATERIALS

AND METHODS SECTION
FUNCTION
To pr ov i de enough detai l and r ef er ences to enabl e a trai ned sci enti st to
eval uate or r epeat your w or k .
STORY LINE
In hy pothesi stesti ng paper s i n w hi ch al l ex per i m ents ar e desi gned i n advance,
the Study Desi gn subsecti on of Methods gi ves an over v i ew of the second step of
the stor y of the paper : the ex per i m ents done to answ er the questi on.
CONTENT
Materials
Chem i cal s (dr ugs, cul tur e m edi a, buf f er s, gases).
Ex per i m ental m ater i al s (m ol ecul es, cel l l i nes, ti ssues).
Ex per i m ental ani m al s or hum an subjects.
Methods
Over v i ew of the ex per i m ents
For descr i pti ve r esear ch, the over v i ew of the ex per i m ents i s gi ven i n the
ex per i m ental appr oach at the end of the Intr oducti on.
For hy pothesi stesti ng r esear ch i n w hi ch one ex per i m ent deter m i nes w hat
the nex t ex per i m ent w i l l be, the over v i ew of the ex per i m ents i s gi ven i n
the ex per i m ental appr oach at the end of the Intr oducti on and then the
steps of the over v i ew ar e thr eaded thr ough the Resul ts secti on.
For hy pothesi stesti ng r esear ch i n w hi ch al l ex per i m ents ar e desi gned i n

advance, the over v i ew of the ex per i m ents i s gi ven i n the Study Desi gn
subsecti on of Methods.
Study Desi gn (f or hy pothesi stesti ng r esear ch i n w hi ch al l ex per i m ents ar e

desi gned i n advance)
Incl ude:
Questi on
Independent var i abl es
Dependent var i abl es
Al l contr ol s
Make cl ear :
What one ex per i m ent consi sted of
Or der
of the i nter venti ons
of the m easur em ents
of the ex per i m ents
Durati on
of the i nter venti ons
of the m easur em ents
of the ex per i m ents
Sam pl e si ze (unl ess stated el sew her e i n Methods)
The study desi gn can be v i ew ed as a sor t of topi c sentence f or the

m ethods subsecti ons.
Cook book (f or al l ty pes of r esear ch)
Cook book detai l s i ncl ude the f ol l ow i ng topi cs:
Methods and apparatus
Anal y si s of data
P. 144
Pr eparati on
Assum pti ons
Indi cator s
In addi ti on, pur poses and r easons shoul d be i ncl uded f or any pr ocedur e w hose
r el ati on to the questi on of the paper i s not cl ear.
ORGANIZATION
Overal l
Or gani ze the Methods secti on chr onol ogi cal l y.
U se gener i c subheadi ngs f or the subsecti ons of hy pothesi stesti ng paper s

that desi gn al l ex per i m ents i n advance:
Generic Subheadings for the Methods Section

of HypothesisTesting Papers That Design All
Experiments in Advance
Anima l Studie s Clinic a l Studie s
Mater i al s Study Subjects
Ani m al s Incl usi on Cr i ter i a
Pr eparati on Excl usi on Cr i ter i a
Study Desi gn Study Desi gn
Inter venti ons Inter venti ons

Methods of Measur em ent Methods of Measur em ent
Cal cul ati ons Cal cul ati ons
Anal y si s of Data Anal y si s of Data
U se speci f i c subheadi ngs f or the subsecti ons of hy pothesi stesti ng paper s

i n w hi ch the r esul ts of one ex per i m ent deter m i ne w hat the nex t
ex per i m ent w i l l be. The subheadi ngs nam e the speci f i c m ater i al or
var i abl e w or ked on or the speci f i c pr ocedur e done.
Wi thi n subsecti ons
Or gani ze chr onol ogi cal l y or
Fr om m ost to l east i m por tant
Si gnal s of the or gani zati on
Subheadi ngs
Topi c sentences
Transi ti on phrases or cl auses
LENGTH
Make the Methods secti on as l ong as necessar y to descr i be w hat you di d but do
not i ncl ude unnecessar y w or ds or f ussy detai l .
DETAILS
U se the nam e of the ani m al you studi ed (f or ex am pl e, dog, cat) thr oughout the
Methods secti on. Do not use the general ter m “ani m al .”
Wr i te m ethods i n past tense.
Make r el ati onshi ps betw een sam pl e si zes cl ear, f or ex am pl e by w r i ti ng, “In 4 of
the 11 rabbi ts” or “In 30 other subjects.”
P. 145
Di sti ngui sh betw een “m easur ed,” “cal cul ated,” and “esti m ated.” U se
“deter m i ned” w hen you need to descr i be tw o or m or e of these pr ocedur es
together.
Di sti ngui sh betw een “study ” and “ex per i m ent” and betw een “ser i es” and
“gr oup.”
U se subjects that cr eate the poi nt of v i ew that you pr ef er.
To f ocus on the topi c, m ake the topi c the subject.
To m ake the w r i ti ng l i vel y, m ake “w e” the subject.

U se the Inter nati onal Sy stem of U ni ts (SI uni ts).
P. 146
EXERCISE 5.1: A CLEARLY WRITTEN METHODS

SECTION
1. In the le ft ma rgin of the Me thods s e c tion, w rite the topic of e a c h
pa ra gra ph.
2. In the Study De s ign s ubs e c tion, w hic h pa ra gra ph de s c ribe s the

e x pe rime nt done to a ns w e r the que s tion a s k e d? W rite “ Ex pe rime nt”
ne x t to this pa ra gra ph.
3. In the pa ra gra ph of the Study De s ign you ide ntifie d a s the

“ Ex pe rime nt, ” ide ntify
a. the inde pe nde nt va ria ble
b. the de pe nde nt va ria ble
c. a ll c ontrols *
Als o a ns w e r the follow ing que s tions :
d. W ha t did one e x pe rime nt c ons is t of?
e. Is the orde r of the e x pe rime nts c le a r?
f . How long did one e x pe rime nt la s t?
g. W ha t w a s the s a mple s ize (n)?
4. In this Me thods s e c tion, ide ntify one e x a mple of e a c h te c hnique for

s igna ling the topic of a pa ra gra ph:
a. topic s e nte nc e
b. tra ns ition phra s e
5. In this Me thods s e c tion, ide ntify one e x a mple of e a c h te c hnique of

c ontinuity:
a. re pe a te d k e y te rm
b. tra ns ition w ord a nd tra ns ition phra s e or c la us e
c. c ons is te nt orde r
d. c ons is te nt point of vie w
e. pa ra lle l form
f . s igna l of a s ubtopic w ithin a pa ra gra ph
6. In this Me thods s e c tion, ide ntify one e x a mple of orga niza tion of a
s ubs e c tion from mos t to le a s t importa nt.
* Som e Ty pes of Contr ol :
Basel i ne: v ar i abl es m easur ed bef or e the i nter v enti on i s m ade

Sham the sam e ex per i m ent ex cept the i nter v enti on i s not
(contr ol m ade, f or ex am pl e, the v ehi cl e of the dr ug i s i njected
ser i es): but the dr ug i s not i njected
Bl ock i ng: the ex per i m ent r epeated i n the pr esence of a speci f i c

bl ock er of the i nter v enti on
Ver i f i cati on: a potenti al l y conf oundi ng v ar i abl e i s tested
The que s tion this pa pe r a s k s is , “ Doe s s timula tion of pulmona ry Cfibe rs

re fle x ive ly e vok e inc re a s e d s e c re tion from tra c he a l s ubmuc os a l gla nds ?”
To a ns w e r this que s tion, the a uthors did e x pe rime nts on s e gme nts of
tra c he a s in dogs in w hic h pulmona ry Cfibe rs w e re s timula te d by inje c tion
of c a ps a ic in a nd the n s e c re tions from tra c he a l s ubmuc os a l gla nds w e re
me a s ure d.
P. 147
Topic
Te c hnique s of Continuity
MATERIALS AND METHODS
P re pa ra tion
1 A Nine dogs (14–25 k g) w e re a ne s the tize d w ith thiope nta l s odium (25
mg/k g i. v. ) follow e d by c hlora los e (80 mg/k g i. v. ). B Supple me nta l dos e s
of c hlora los e (10 mg/k g i. v. ) w e re give n hourly to ma inta in a ne s the s ia .
C Thedogs w e re pa ra lyze d w ith de c a me thonium bromide (0. 1 mg/k g) 10
min be fore me a s ure me nts of tra c he a l s e c re tion.
2 D The tra c he a w a s c a nnula te d low in the ne c k , a nd the lungs w e re

ve ntila te d w ith 50% ox yge n in a ir by a Ha rva rd re s pira tor (mode l 613),
w hos e e x pira tory outle t w a s pla c e d unde r 3–5 c m of w a te r. E P e rc e nt CO 2
in the re s pire d ga s w a s monitore d by a Be c k ma n LB1 ga s a na lyze r, a nd
e nde x pira tory CO 2 c onc e ntra tion w a s k e pt a t a bout 5% by a djus ting the
ve ntila tory ra te . F Arte ria l blood s a mple s w e re w ithdra w n pe riodic a lly, a nd

the ir P O 2 , P CO 2 , a nd pH w e re de te rmine d by a blood ga s /pH a na lyze r
(Corning 175). G Sodium bic a rbona te (0. 33 me q/ml) w a s infus e d i. v. (1–3

ml/min) w he n ne c e s s a ry to minimize a ba s e de fic it in the blood.
3 H The c he s t w a s ope ne d in the mids te rna l line a nd a c a the te r w a s

ins e rte d into the le ft a trium via the le ft a tria l a ppe nda ge . I Ca the te rs w e re
a ls o ins e rte d into the right a trium via the right jugula r ve in a nd into the
a bdomina l a orta via a fe mora l a rte ry.
4 J A s e gme nt of the tra c he a (4–5 c m) imme dia te ly c a uda l to the la rynx

w a s inc is e d ve ntra lly in the midline a nd tra ns ve rs e ly a c ros s both e nds of
the midline inc is ion. K The dors a l w a ll w a s le ft
P . 148
inta c t. L Ea c h midline c ut e dge w a s re tra c te d la te ra lly by nylon thre a ds to
e x pos e the muc os a l s urfa c e . M The thre a ds w e re a tta c he d to a s ta tiona ry
ba r on one s ide a nd to a forc e dis pla c e me nt tra ns duc e r (G ra s s FT03) on
the othe r. N The s e gme nt w a s s tre tc he d to a ba s e line te ns ion of 100–125 g.
Study De s ign
5 O To de te rmine w he the r s timula tion of pulmona ry Cfibe rs re fle x ive ly

e vok e s inc re a s e d s e c re tion from tra c he a l s ubmuc os a l gla nds , w e
s timula te d pulmona ry Cfibe r e ndings in e a c h of the 9 dogs by inje c ting
c a ps a ic in (10–20 µg/k g) into the right a trium. P Ca ps a ic in w a s ta k e n from
s toc k s olutions pre pa re d a s de s c ribe d e ls e w he re (4). Q At
10s inte rva ls for
60 s be fore a nd 60 s a fte r e a c h inje c tion, w e me a s ure d s e c re tions from
tra c he a l s ubmuc os a l gla nds . R As a c ontrol, in the s a me 9 dogs w e
me a s ure d s e c re tion in re s pons e to inje c tion of ve hic le (0. 5–1. 0 ml) into
the right a trium. S Inje c tions w e re s e pa ra te d by re s ting pe riods of a bout 30
min.
6 T Although c a ps a ic in s e le c tive ly s timula te s pulmona ry Cfibe rs from

w ithin the pulmona ry c irc ula tion, it is lik e ly to s timula te othe r a ffe re nt
pa thw a ys , inc luding bronc hia l Cfibe rs , onc e it pa s s e s into the s ys te mic
c irc ula tion (2, 5). U To ve rify tha t s e c re tion in our e x pe rime nts w a s not
c a us e d by s ys te mic e ffe c ts of c a ps a ic in, w e ne x t me a s ure d s e c re tion a fte r
inje c ting c a ps a ic in (10–20 µg/k g) into the le ft a trium a nd a ga in, 30 min
la te r, into the right a trium of a ll 9 dogs .
7 V Fina lly, to ve rify tha t s timula tion of pulmona ry Cfibe rs w a s re s pons ible
for the s e c re tions , w e me a s ure d s e c re tion in re s pons e to c a ps a ic in (10–20
µg/k g into the right a trium) in the 9 dogs
P . 149
be fore a nd a fte r bloc k ing c onduc tion in both of the c e rvic a l va gus ne rve s ,
w hic h c a rry the pulmona ry Cfibe rs . W W e bloc k e d c onduc tion e ithe r by
c ooling the ne rve s to 0° C a s de s c ribe d e ls e w he re (8) (4 dogs ) or by
c utting the ne rve s (5 dogs ). X Be fore the firs t bloc k ing e x pe rime nt on e a c h
dog, w e c ut the re c urre nt a nd pa ra re c urre nt ne rve s s o tha t the tra c he a l
s e gme nt re c e ive d its motor s upply s ole ly from the s upe rior la rynge a l
ne rve s (14). Y Cons e que ntly, w he n w e c oole d or c ut the midc e rvic a l va gus
ne rve s during a n e x pe rime nt, w e c ould be c e rta in tha t the c ha nge s in the
tra c he a l re s pons e s w e re c a us e d by inte rruption of the a ffe re nt va ga l C
fibe rs .
8 Z As a furthe r c he c k on the e ffe c ts of s timula ting (a nd bloc k ing)

pulmona ry Cfibe rs , in e a c h of the s e e x pe rime nts w e a ls o me a s ure d he a rt
ra te , me a n a rte ria l pre s s ure , a nd is ome tric s mooth mus c le te ns ion of the
tra c he a l s e gme nt, w hic h a re k now n to be a lte re d re fle x ive ly by s timula tion
of pulmona ry Cfibe rs (3).
Me thods of Me a s ure me nt
9 AA The ra te of s e c re tion from s ubmuc os a l gla nd duc ts w a s a s s e s s e d by

c ounting hilloc k s of muc us pe r unit time a s de s c ribe d e ls e w he re (8).
B B Brie fly, imme dia te ly be fore e a c h me a s ure me nt, the muc os a l s urfa c e w a s
ge ntly drie d a nd s pra ye d w ith ta nta lum. C C The ta nta lum la ye r pre ve nte d
the norma l c ilia ry dis pe rs ion of s e c re tions from the ope nings of the gla nd
duc ts , s o the a c c umula te d s e c re tions e le va te d the ta nta lum la ye r to form
hilloc k s . D D Hilloc k s w ith a dia me te r of a t le a s t 0. 2 mm w e re c ounte d in a
1. 2 c m 2 fie ld of muc os a . EE To fa c ilita te c ounting, the muc os a of the
re tra c te d s e gme nt w a s vie w e d through a dis s e c ting
P . 150
mic ros c ope , a nd its ima ge w a s proje c te d by a te le vis ion c a me ra (Sony AVC
1400) onto a te le vis ion s c re e n toge the r w ith the output from a time s igna l
ge ne ra tor (3M Da ta vis ion DT1). F F The ima ge a nd the time s igna l w e re
re c orde d by a vide ota pe re c orde r (Sony VO2600) for s ubs e que nt pla yba c k
a nd me a s ure me nt of the ra te of hilloc k forma tion.
10 GG He a rt ra te , me a n a rte ria l pre s s ure , a nd is ome tric s mooth mus c le

te ns ion of the tra c he a l s e gme nt w e re re c orde d c ontinuous ly throughout
e a c h e x pe rime nt by a G ra s s polygra ph. H H He a rt ra te w a s me a s ure d by a
c a rdiota c home te r trigge re d by a n e le c troc a rdiogra m (le a d II). I I Arte ria l
pre s s ure w a s me a s ure d by a Sta tha m P 25Db s tra in ga uge c onne c te d to the
c a the te r pla c e d in a fe mora l a rte ry. J J Is ome tric s mooth mus c le te ns ion in
the s e gme nt w a s me a s ure d by a G ra s s FT03 forc e dis pla c e me nt tra ns duc e r
a tta c he d to the la te ra l e dge of the re tra c te d s e gme nt, a s de s c ribe d
e ls e w he re (1, 14).
Sta tis tic a l Ana lys is
11 KK Da ta a re re porte d a s me a n ± SD. L L To de te rmine if the re w e re

s ignific a nt diffe re nc e s in s e c re tion be fore a nd a fte r s timula tion w ithin
e a c h e x pe rime nt, or s ignific a nt diffe re nc e s in s e c re tion be tw e e n
e x pe rime nts , w e pe rforme d tw ow a y re pe a te dme a s ure s a na lys is of
va ria nc e . M M W he n w e found a s ignific a nt diffe re nc e be tw e e n e x pe rime nts ,
w e pe rforme d the Stude ntNe w ma nKe uls te s t to ide ntify pa irw is e
diffe re nc e s . NNWe c ons ide re d diffe re nc e s s ignific a nt a t P < 0. 05.
Hi de Answ er
TOP IC + Signa l of the Topic
Me thods
P re pa ra tion
Or gani zed chr onol ogi cal l y .
N o topi c sentences.
Mi ni m al use of techni ques of conti nui ty .
1 AN i ne dogs (14–25 k g) w er e a ne s the tize d w i th thi opental sodi um

(25 m g/k g i . v. ) f ol l ow ed by c hlora los e (80 m g/k g i . v. ).
BSuppl em ental doses of c hlora los e (10 m g/k g i . v. ) w er e gi ven hour l y
to m ai ntai n a ne s the s ia . CThe dogs w er e paral y zed w i th
decam ethoni um br om i de (0. 1 m g/k g) 10 m i n bef or e m easur em ents of
tracheal secr eti on.
2 DThe trachea was cannul ated l ow i n the neck , and the l ungs w er e
venti l ated w i th 50% ox ygen i n ai r by a Har var d r espi rator (m odel
613), w hose ex pi rator y outl et was pl aced under 3–5 cm of water.
EPer cent CO 2 i n the r espi r ed gas was m oni tor ed by a Beck m an LB1
gas anal y zer, and end ex pi rator y CO 2 concentrati on was kept at
about 5% by adjusti ng the venti l ator y rate. FAr ter i al bl ood sam pl es
w er e w i thdraw n per i odi cal l y and thei r PO 2 , PCO 2 , and pH w er e
deter m i ned by a bl ood gas/pH anal y zer (Cor ni ng 175). GSodi um
bi car bonate (0. 33 m eq/m l ) was i nf used i . v. (1–3 m l /m i n) w hen
necessar y to m i ni m i ze a base def i ci t i n the bl ood.
3 HThe chest was opened i n the m i dster nal l i ne and a c a the te r was
i nser ted i nto the l ef t atr i um v i a the l ef t atr i al appendage. ICa the te rs
w er e al so i nser ted i nto the r i ght atr i um v i a the r i ght jugul ar vei n and
i nto the abdom i nal aor ta v i a a f em oral ar ter y.
4 JA s e gme nt of the trachea (4–5 cm ) i m m edi atel y caudal to the

l ar y nx was i nci sed ventral l y i n the midline and transver sel y acr oss
both ends of the midline i nci si on. K The dor sal wal l was l ef t i ntact.
LEach midline cut edge was r etracted l ateral l y by ny l on thre a ds to
ex pose the m ucosal sur f ace. MThe thre a ds w er e attached to a
stati onar y bar on one si de and to a f or cedi spl acem ent transducer
(Grass FT03) on the other. N The s e gme nt was str etched to a basel i ne
tensi on of 100–125 g.
Study De s ign
Or gani zed f r om m ost to l east i m por tant (par as. 5–8) and
chr onol ogi cal l y (par as. 5–7).
One topi c sentence (par a. 7).
Conti nui ty pr i m ar i l y f r om r epeti ti on of k ey ter m s and tr ansi ti on

w or ds and phr ases.
5 OTo deter m i ne w hether sti m ul ati on of pul m onar y Cf i ber s

r ef l ex i vel y evokes i ncr eased secr eti on f r om tracheal subm ucosal
gl ands, w e sti m ul ated pul m onar y Cf i ber endi ngs i n each of the 9
dogs by inje c ting c a ps a ic in (10–20 µg/k g) i nto the r i ght atr i um .
PCa ps a ic in was taken f r om stock sol uti ons pr epar ed as descr i bed
el sew her e (4). QAt 10s i nter val s f or 60 s bef or e and 60 s af ter each
inje c tion, w e m easur ed s e c re tions f r om tracheal subm ucosal
gl ands. RAs a contr ol , i n the sam e 9 dogs w e m easur ed s e c re tion i n
r esponse to inje c tion of vehi cl e (0. 5–1. 0 m l ) i nto the r i ght atr i um .
SInje c tions w er e separated by r esti ng per i ods of about 30 m i n.
6 TAl though c a ps a ic in sel ecti vel y sti m ul ates pul m onar y Cf i ber s f r om
w i thi n the pul m onar y ci r cul ati on, i t i s l i kel y to sti m ul ate other
af f er ent pathway s, i ncl udi ng br onchi al Cf i ber s, once i t passes i nto
the s ys te mic ci r cul ati on (2, 5). U To ver i f y that secr eti on i n our
ex per i m ents was not caused by s ys te mic ef f ects of c a ps a ic in, w e
nex t m easur ed secr eti on af ter i njecti ng c a ps a ic in (10–20 µg/k g) i nto
the l ef t atr i um and agai n, 30 m i n l ater, i nto the r i ght atr i um of al l 9
dogs.
7 VFi nal l y , to ver i f y that sti m ul ati on of pul m onar y Cfibe rs was
r esponsi bl e f or the secr eti ons, w e m easur ed secr eti on i n r esponse to
capsai ci n (10–20 µg/k g i nto the r i ght atr i um ) i n the 9 dogs bef or e
and af ter bloc k ing c onduc tion i n both of the cer v i cal va gus ne rve s ,
w hi ch car r y the pul m onar y Cf i ber s. WWe bloc k e d c onduc tion ei ther
by c ooling the ner ves to 0°C as descr i bed el sew her e (8) (4 dogs ) or
by c utting the ner ves (5 dogs ). XBef or e the f i r st bloc k ing
e x pe rime nt on each dog, w e cut the r ecur r ent and parar ecur r ent
ner ves so that the tracheal segm ent r ecei ved i ts m otor suppl y sol el y
f r om the super i or l ar y ngeal ner ves (14). YConsequentl y , w hen w e
c oole d or c ut the m i dcer v i cal va gus ne rve s dur i ng an e x pe rime nt,
w e coul d be cer tai n that the changes i n the tracheal r esponses w er e
caused by i nter r upti on of the af f er ent vagal Cfibe rs .
8 ZAs a f ur ther check on the ef f ects of sti m ul ati ng (and bl ock i ng)
pul m onar y Cf i ber s, i n each of these ex per i m ents, w e al so m easur ed
hear t rate, m ean ar ter i al pr essur e, and i som etr i c sm ooth m uscl e
tensi on of the tracheal segm ent, w hi ch ar e k now n to be al ter ed
r ef l ex i vel y by sti m ul ati on of pul m onar y Cf i ber s (3).
Me thods of Me a s ure me nt
Or gani zed f r om m ost to l east i m por tant.
Tw o topi c sentences (par as. 9, 10).
Str ong conti nui ty :
Par agr aph 9: Fr om r epeti ti on of k ey ter m s.
Par agr aph 10: Fr om a com bi nati on of f our techni ques of

conti nui ty . Thi s i s a m odel par agr aph.
9 AAThe rate of s e c re tion f r om sub muc os a l gla nd duc ts was

assessed by c ounting hilloc k s of muc us per uni t ti m e as descr i bed
el sew her e (8). BBBr i ef l y , i m m edi atel y bef or e each ex per i m ent, the
muc os a l sur f ace was gentl y dr i ed and sprayed w i th ta nta lum. CCThe
ta nta lum l ayer pr evented the nor m al ci l i ar y di sper si on of s e c re tions
f r om the openi ngs of the gla nd duc ts , so the accum ul ated
s e c re tions el evated the ta nta lum l ayer to f or m hilloc k s . DDHilloc k s
w i th a di am eter of at l east 0. 2 m m w er e c ounte d i n a 1. 2cm 2 f i el d
of muc os a . EETo f aci l i tate c ounting, the muc os a of the r etracted
segm ent was v i ew ed thr ough a di ssecti ng m i cr oscope, and i ts ima ge
was pr ojected by a tel ev i si on cam era (Sony AVC 1400) onto a
tel ev i si on scr een together w i th the output f r om a time s igna l
generator (3M Datav i si on DT1). FFThe ima ge and the time s igna l
w er e r ecor ded by a v i deotape r ecor der (Sony VO2600) f or
subsequent pl ay back and m easur em ent of the rate of hilloc k
f or m ati on.
10 GGHe a rt ra te , m ean a rte ria l pre s s ure , and is ome tric s mooth
mus c le te ns ion of the tracheal segm ent w er e r ecor ded conti nuousl y
thr oughout each ex per i m ent by a Grass pol ygraph. HHHe a rt ra te was
m easur ed by a car di otachom eter tr i gger ed by an el ectr ocar di ogram
(l ead II). IIArte ria l pre s s ure was m easur ed by a Statham P25Db
strai n gauge connected to the catheter pl aced i n a f em oral ar ter y.
JJIs ome tric s mooth mus c le te ns ion i n the segm ent was m easur ed
by a Grass FT03 f or ce di spl acem ent transducer attached to the l ateral
edge of the r etracted segm ent, as descr i bed el sew her e (1, 14).
Sta tis tic a l Ana lys is
11 KK Data ar e r epor ted as m eans ± SD. LLTo deter m i ne i f ther e w er e
s ignific a nt diffe re nc e s i n secr eti on bef or e and af ter sti m ul ati on
w i thi n each ex per i m ent, or si gni f i cant di f f er ences i n secr eti on
betw een the ex per i m ents, w e per f or m ed tw oway r epeatedm easur es
anal y si s of var i ance. MMWhen w e f ound a s ignific a nt diffe re nc e
betw een ex per i m ents, w e per f or m ed the Student N eum anKeul s test
to i denti f y pai r w i se di f f er ences. N N We consi der ed diffe re nc e s
s ignific a nt a t P < 0. 05.
Orga niza tion a nd Continuity W ithin a nd Be tw e e n P a ra gra phs
Thi s Methods secti on i s di v i ded i nto f our subsecti ons, each si gnal ed
by a subheadi ng (Pr epar ati on, Study Desi gn, Methods of
Measur em ent, and Stati sti cal Anal y si s). Wi thi n each subsecti on,
topi cs ar e si gnal ed both v i sual l y (by new par agr aphs) and v er bal l y ,
and conti nui ty i s str ong. Topi c sentences ar e used i n onl y thr ee
par agr aphs: 7, 9, and 10. Sentence A i n par agr aph 1, f or ex am pl e, i s
not a topi c sentence. It i s the f i r st step of anesthesi a. A topi c
sentence w oul d hav e to say som ethi ng l i k e “Dogs w er e anestheti zed
accor di ng to our usual pr ocedur e. ”
The ex per i m ent done to answ er the questi on (par a. 5) i ncl udes f i v e
contr ol s: basel i ne (sentence Q) and sham (sentence R), and thr ee
v er i f i cati on contr ol s: v er i f i cati on that secr eti on w as not caused by
sy stem i c ef f ects of capsai ci n (par a. 6), v er i f i cati on that sti m ul ati on
of pul m onar y Cf i ber s w as r esponsi bl e f or secr eti ons (par a. 7), and
v er i f i cati on that sti m ul ati on of pul m onar y Cf i ber s af f ected other
v ar i abl es as ex pected (par a. 8). Som e r eader s m i ght not noti ce the
basel i ne contr ol because i t i s not i denti f i ed. To m ak e the basel i ne
contr ol m or e noti ceabl e, “(basel i ne)” coul d be added af ter “f or 60 s
bef or e” i n sentence Q.
N ote that the num ber of dogs i s stated f or the ex per i m ent and f or
each contr ol (sentences O, R, U , V).
Thr oughout the Methods secti on, r epeti ti on of k ey ter m s pr ov i des

conti nui ty both w i thi n and betw een par agr aphs. The r epeated k ey
ter m s betw een par agr aphs ar e “dog(s), ” “tr achea” or “tr acheal , ”
“segm ent, ” “capsai ci n, ” “Cf i ber (s), ” “secr eti on(s), ” and “subm ucosal
gl and(s). ” In addi ti on, tr ansi ti on w or ds, tr ansi ti on phr ases, consi stent
or der , consi stent poi nt of v i ew , par al l el f or m , and si gnal s of
subtopi cs pr ov i de conti nui ty w i thi n par agr aphs.
Poi nt of v i ew i s w el l handl ed. “We” i s used onl y i n the Study Desi gn

and stati sti cal anal y si s, the stor y tel l i ng subsecti ons of Methods. N ote
that “w e” appear s onl y i n the sentences that m ov e the stor y f or w ar d:
O, Q, R, U , V, W, X, Y, Z i n the Study Desi gn and LL, MM, N N i n the
stati sti cal anal y si s. In addi ti on, “w e” appear s at the begi nni ng of onl y
tw o sentences (W and N N ), so i t i s not obnox i ous.
Thus, w e can see that to k eep the stor y l i ne of the paper goi ng, thi s
Methods secti on f ocuses i n tw o w ay s on the m ethods that answ er the
questi on. One w ay i s by the or gani zati on of topi cs f r om m ost to l east
i m por tant: the ex per i m ent done to answ er the questi on com es bef or e
the contr ol s, and the m ethods f or dependent v ar i abl es that answ er
the questi on ar e descr i bed bef or e m ethods f or other dependent
v ar i abl es. The other w ay that thi s Methods secti on k eeps the stor y
l i ne goi ng i s by si gnal i ng the or gani zati on so that i t i s appar ent. The
v i sual si gnal s used ar e subheadi ngs and new par agr aphs. The v er bal
si gnal s used ar e tr ansi ti on phr ases (par as. 5–8 of the Study Desi gn
and par a. 11 of the Stati sti cal Anal y si s) and topi c sentences (par as. 9
and 10 of Methods of Measur em ent).
P. 151
EXERCISE 5.2: CONTENT AND ORGANIZATION IN

THE METHODS SECTION
1. Lis t a ppropria te s ubhe a dings for e a c h s ubs e c tion in this Me thods
s e c tion.
P ut the lis t in optima l orde r.
2. Re w rite a t le a s t one of the follow ing s ubs e c tions :
a. Study De s ign
In your re vis ion,
I. G ive a n ove rvie w firs t a nd the n de ta ils . Avoid re pe tition.
II. Inc lude both the inde pe nde nt a nd the de pe nde nt va ria ble s
in the ove rvie w .
III. Inc lude a ll c ontrols s ome w he re in the s tudy de s ign.
IV. Cla rify the purpos e of a ny proc e dure tha t is not c le a r.
V. Cla rify the s a mple s ize (n).
VI. Omit a ny informa tion tha t you think be longs e ls e w he re . Te ll

w he re this informa tion s hould go a nd w hy.
b. Ca lc ula tions
In your re vis ion,
I. Ma k e c le a r how the de pe nde nt va ria ble in the que s tion

(produc tion of pros ta gla ndin E 2 ) w a s c a lc ula te d.
II. Find the be s t orga niza tion.
III. Cla rify a ny proc e dure tha t is not c le a r.
IV. Omit a ny informa tion tha t you think be longs e ls e w he re . Te ll

w he re this informa tion s hould go a nd w hy.
Note s :
If you ha ve the time a nd inte re s t, re w rite the e ntire Me thods s e c tion.
If you w a nt a n e x tra c ha lle nge , us e “ w e ” in your re vis ion. Try not to put
“ w e ” a t the be ginning of a s e nte nc e .
One que s tion this pa pe r a s k s is , Doe s e x oge nous a ra c hidonic a c id inc re a s e

pros ta gla ndin E 2 produc tion in the duc tus a rte rios us ?
Be low is the pa rt of the Me thods s e c tion tha t a ddre s s e s this que s tion. A
dia gra m of the s tudy de s ign is a s follow s :
Ex pe rime nt
_____ _____ \\ ______
buf f er AA AA + i ndo
90 m i n 90 m i n 30 m i n 90 m i n
Sha m Control
_____ _____ \\ ______
buf f er buf f er buf f er
90 m i n 90 m i n 30 m i n 90 m i n
P. 152
Topic
MATERIALS AND METHODS
P re pa ra tion of Duc tus Arte rios us Rings
1 A Afte r the pre gna nt e w e s w e re give n s pina l a ne s the tic s , bre e dda te d
fe ta l la mbs be tw e e n 122 a nd 145 da ys of ge s ta tiona l a ge (te rm is 150
da ys ) w e re de live re d by c e s a re a n s e c tion a nd e x s a nguina te d. B The duc tus
a rte rios us w a s re move d from the la mb, dis s e c te d fre e of a dve ntitia l
tis s ue , a nd divide d into 1mmthic k rings . C The rings w e re pla c e d in gla s s
via ls c onta ining 4 ml of buffe r (50 mM Tris HCl, pH 7. 39, c onta ining 127 mM
Na Cl, 5 mM KCl, 2. 5 mM Ca Cl 2 , 1. 3 mM MgCl 2 • 6 H 2 O, a nd 6 mM gluc os e ) a t
37° C. D The pre pa ra tion w a s a llow e d to s ta bilize for 45 min be fore

e x pe rime nts w e re be gun.
Ara c hidonic Ac id–induc e d P ros ta gla ndin E 2 P roduc tion
2 E To de te rmine w he the r e x oge nous a ra c hidonic a c id inc re a s e s

pros ta gla ndin E 2 produc tion, e ight rings of duc tus a rte rios us w e re pla c e d
in fre s h buffe r a nd inc uba te d a t 37° C for 90 min. F Afte r this , the buffe r
s olution w a s c olle c te d for me a s ure me nt of ba s e line pros ta gla ndin E 2
produc tion. G Ne x t, the rings w e re pla c e d in fre s h buffe r c onta ining 0. 2

µg/ml a ra c hidonic a c id (Sigma ) (0. 67 µM) a nd inc uba te d for 90 min. H The
buffe r w a s the n c olle c te d for me a s ure me nt of pros ta gla ndin E 2 a nd the
rings w e re w a s he d w ith fre s h buffe r for 30 min. I Fina lly, the rings w e re
pla c e d in fre s h buffe r c onta ining 0. 2 µg/ml a ra c hidonic a c id a nd 2 µg/ml
indome tha c in (Sigma ) (5. 6 µM) a nd inc uba te d for 90 min. J Afte r this
inc uba tion, the buffe r s olution w a s c olle c te d a ga in for me a s ure me nt of
pros ta gla ndin E 2 . K The rings of duc tus a rte rios us w e re blotte d dry a nd
w e ighe d (w e t w e ight). L The me a n w e ight w a s 22. 1 ± 8. 3 (SD) mg tis s ue
pe r e x pe rime nt.
3 M Re c ove ry of pros ta gla ndin E 2 from the buffe r s olution w a s c a lc ula te d
a nd pros ta gla ndin E 2 c onte nt w a s me a s ure d a s follow s . N So tha t pe rc e nt
re c ove ry c ould be c a lc ula te d, 3 Hpros ta gla ndin E 2 (6000 dpm, 130

Ci/mmol; Ne w Engla nd Nuc le a r) w a s firs t mix e d w ith the buffe r s olution
from e a c h inc uba tion. O The s olutions w e re the n a c idifie d to pH 3. 5 w ith 1
N c itric a c id. P The
pros ta gla ndins w e re e x tra c te d w ith a mix ture of
c yc lohe x a ne a nd e thyl a c e ta te (1:1) a nd purifie d in s ilic ic a c id
mic roc olumns (4). Q Re c ove ry w a s c a lc ula te d by me a s uring ra dioa c tivity
a fte r e x tra c tion a nd c ompa ring it to ra dioa c tivity me a s ure d be fore
e x tra c tion. R P ros ta gla ndin E 2 c onte nt w a s
P . 153
me a s ure d by ra dioimmunoa s s a y (4) us ing a s pe c ific ra bbit a ntis e rum
a ga ins t a n a lbuminc onjuga te d pros ta gla ndin E 2 pre pa ra tion. S Re c ove ry of
pros ta gla ndin E 2 ra nge d from 50 to 70% . T P ros ta gla ndin E 2 produc tion is
re porte d a s pg/mg w e t w e ight pe r 90 min inc uba tion.
4 U In a c ontrol s e rie s of e x pe rime nts , w e me a s ure d pros ta gla ndin E 2

produc tion a t the s a me 90min inte rva ls w ith the rings inc uba te d in fre s h
buffe r bubble d w ith ox yge n.
5 V Stoc k s olutions of indome tha c in (16 mg/ml) a nd a ra c hidonic a c id (0. 33

mg/ml) w e re pre pa re d in e tha nol e a c h da y. W The ma x imum c onc e ntra tion
of e tha nol in the inc uba tion me dium ha d no e ffe c t on pros ta gla ndin E 2
produc tion.
6 X Da ta a re s umma rize d a s me a n ± SD. Y To de te rmine w he the r

pros ta gla ndin E 2 produc tion diffe re d a mong the thre e tre a tme nts , w e
a na lyze d the da ta w ith a s ingle fa c tor re pe a te dme a s ure s a na lys is of
va ria nc e . Z The n, to de te rmine w hic h tre a tme nt groups w e re diffe re nt from
the othe rs , w e c onduc te d multiple c ompa ris ons w ith the Stude ntNe w ma n
Ke uls te s t. AA W e c ons ide re d diffe re nc e s s ignific a nt a t P < 0. 05.
Hi de Answ er
The subheadi ngs shoul d be
Mater i al s (or i gi nal para. 5)
Pr eparati on (or i gi nal para. 1)
Study Desi gn (or i gi nal paras. 2 and 4)
Cal cul ati ons (or i gi nal para. 3)
Anal y si s of Data (or i gi nal para. 6).

REVISIONS
Ma te ria ls
A Al l chem i cal s and a pr ostagl andi n E 2 radi oi m m unoassay k i t w er e
pur chased f r om Si gm a (St. Loui s, MO). B 3 Hpr ostagl andi n E 2 (speci f i c

acti v i ty, 130 Ci /m m ol ) was pur chased f r om N ew Engl and N ucl ear
(Boston, MA).
C Onthe day of each ex per i m ent, w e pr epar ed stock sol uti ons of
arachi doni c aci d (0. 33 m g/m l ) and i ndom ethaci n (16 m g/m l ) i n
ethanol . D To r ul e out any ef f ect of ethanol on pr ostagl andi n E 2
pr oducti on, w e i ncubated N r i ngs of ductus ar ter i osus i n f r esh buf f er
contai ni ng the m ax i m um concentrati on of ethanol . E Af ter a 90m i n
i ncubati on at 37°C, w e col l ected the buf f er and m easur ed
pr ostagl andi n E 2 . F Ethanol had no ef f ect on pr ostagl andi n E 2
pr oducti on (data not show n).
P re pa ra tion
Re vis ion 1
A Wepr epar ed r i ngs of ductus ar ter i osus f r om 16 f etal l am bs (122–

145 day s of gestati on; ter m i s 150 day s) that w er e del i ver ed by
cesar ean secti on f r om spi nal l y anestheti zed ew es. B Af ter
ex sangui nati ng a l am b, w e r em oved the enti r e ductus ar ter i osus,
di ssected i t f r ee of adventi ti al ti ssue, and di v i ded i t i nto ei ght 1m m
thi ck r i ngs [w et w ei ght, 22. 1 ± 8. 2 (SD) m g]. C Then w e pl aced the
r i ngs i n gl ass v i al s contai ni ng 4 m l of buf f er (50 m M Tr i s HCl , pH
7. 39, contai ni ng 127 m M N aCl , 5 m M KCl , 2. 5 m M CaCl 2 , 1. 3 m M
MgCl 2 α 6 H 2 O, and 6 m M gl ucose) at 37°C. D We bubbl ed al l buf f er
sol uti ons w i th ox ygen. E Bef or e begi nni ng the ex per i m ents, w e
al l ow ed the pr eparati on to stabi l i ze f or 45 m i n.
Re vis ion 2
A Fr om 16 ex sangui nated 122 to 145day f etal l am bs (ter m i s 150

day s), w e exci sed the ductus ar ter i osus, di ssected i t f r ee of
adventi ti al ti ssue, and sl i ced i t ci r cum f er enti al l y i nto ei ght 1m m
thi ck r i ngs [w et w ei ght, 22. 1 ± 8. 2 (SD) m g]. B We i ncubated these
r i ngs i n gl ass v i al s contai ni ng 4 m l of buf f er A (50 m M Tr i s HCl , pH
7. 39, contai ni ng 127 m M N aCl , 5 m M KCl , 2. 5 m M CaCl 2 , 1. 3 m M
MgCl 2 · 6 H 2 O, and 6 m M gl ucose) at 37°C f or 45 m i n bef or e al l
ex per i m ents.
Study De s ign
A To deter m i ne w hether exogenous arachi doni c aci d i ncr eases

pr oducti on of pr ostagl andi n E 2 i n the ductus ar ter i osus, w e per f or m ed
ei ght ex per i m ents. B In each ex per i m ent, w e m easur ed pr ostagl andi n

E 2 content af ter i ncubati ng ei ght r i ngs of ductus ti ssue f r om one f etal
l am b i n each of thr ee consecuti ve buf f er s w i th or w i thout arachi doni c
aci d. C Then w e cal cul ated pr ostagl andi n E 2 pr oducti on. D The buf f er s
w er e used w er e, f i r st, f r esh buf f er (basel i ne), then f r esh buf f er
contai ni ng 0. 2 µg/m l arachi doni c aci d, and f i nal l y f r esh buf f er
contai ni ng 0. 2 µg/m l arachi doni c aci d and 2 µg/m l of the
pr ostagl andi n sy nthesi s i nhi bi tor, i ndom ethaci n. E Al l i ncubati ons w er e
done i n buf f er bubbl ed i n ox ygen at 37°C f or 90 m i n. F Betw een
i ncubati ons i n the l ast tw o buf f er s, w e washed the r i ngs i n f r esh
buf f er f or 30 m i n. G At the end of the ex per i m ent, w e bl otted the r i ngs
dr y and w ei ghed them (w et w ei ght). H In ei ght contr ol ser i es, w e
m easur ed pr ostagl andi n E 2 content i n ei ght other r i ngs subjected to
the sam e sequence of i ncubati ons and washes, but i n buf f er al one.
I. The new f i r st sentence i s a topi c sentence. The nex t tw o

sentences gi v e an ov er v i ew of the ex per i m ent. The descr i pti on
of the detai l s (D–F) av oi ds r epeti ti on.
II. Both the i ndependent and the dependent v ar i abl es ar e i ncl uded
i n the ov er v i ew . The dependent v ar i abl e (pr oducti on of
pr ostagl andi n E 2 ) i s i denti f i ed as a cal cul ated v ar i abl e (C). The
m easur ed dependent v ar i abl e (pr ostagl andi n E 2 content) i s al so
i ncl uded i n the ov er v i ew (B).
III. Both contr ol s ar e i ncl uded i n the study desi gn. The basel i ne
contr ol i s m enti oned i n sentence D, w hi ch nam es the buf f er s.
The contr ol ser i es, w hi ch w as i n a separ ate par agr aph i n the
or i gi nal v er si on, i s i n sentence H.
IV. The pur pose of addi ng i ndom ethaci n (to bl ock endogenous
pr oducti on of pr ostagl andi n E 2 ) i s added (sentence D).
V. Bubbl i ng w i th ox y gen, w hi ch w as m enti oned onl y i n the contr ol

ser i es i n the or i gi nal v er si on, i s cl ar i f i ed as hav i ng been done i n
al l ex per i m ents (E). How ev er , i f bubbl i ng w i th ox y gen i s
i ncl uded i n the pr epar ati on subsecti on (as i n Rev i si on 1 of
Pr epar ati on), change sentence E i n the Study Desi gn to “Al l
i ncubati ons w er e done at 37°C f or 90 m i n. ”
VI. The sam pl e si ze i s not cl ear i n the or i gi nal v er si on. Or i gi nal

sentence E say s that ei ght r i ngs of ductus ar ter i osus w er e
i ncubated. Or i gi nal sentence L m enti ons a m ean “per
ex per i m ent. ” It i s not cl ear i f one ex per i m ent equal s one r i ng or
i f m or e than one ex per i m ent usi ng ei ght r i ngs w as done. We can
guess that one r i ng cannot be one ex per i m ent, because
pr ostagl andi n E 2 w as m easur ed i n the buf f er sol uti on, to w hi ch
al l ei ght r i ngs contr i buted. So one sequence of i ncubati ons m ust
be one ex per i m ent. The num ber of such sequences i s not stated
i n the or i gi nal v er si on. It shoul d be added. The r ev i si on m ak es
the sam pl e si ze cl ear : ei ght ex per i m ents, each done on ei ght
r i ngs of ductus ar ter i osus tak en f r om one f etal l am b.
VII. Or i gi nal sentence L, w hi ch tel l s the m ean w ei ght of the r i ngs of

ductus ar ter i osus, seem s l i k e a r esul t, and thus seem s
i nappr opr i ate to the Methods secti on. How ev er , the w ei ght of
the r i ngs i s not a r esul t that answ er s the questi on and ther ef or e
i s not desi r abl e i n the Resul ts secti on. Rather , the m ean w et
w ei ght i s a v al ue used to ex pr ess pr ostagl andi n E 2 pr oducti on.
Ther ef or e, i t i s m or e usef ul i n the Methods secti on than i n the
Resul ts. One opti on i s to i ncl ude the m ean w et w ei ght i n
Pr epar ati on (see abov e).
Ca lc ula tions
A We cal cul ated pr oducti on of pr ostagl andi n E 2 as m easur ed

pr ostagl andi n E 2 content nor m al i zed to ti ssue w ei ght and cor r ected
f or per cent r ecover y : pg content per m g ductal ti ssue per m i n
i ncubati on/% r ecover y. B Bef or e m easur i ng pr ostagl andi n E 2 content,
w e pur i f i ed the pr ostagl andi ns f r om each buf f er sol uti on by f i r st
aci di f y i ng the sol uti ons to pH 3. 5 w i th 1 N ci tr i c aci d, then ex tracti ng
the pr ostagl andi ns i n a 1:1 m i x tur e of cycl ohex ane and ethy l acetate,
and f i nal l y r unni ng the pr ostagl andi ns thr ough si l i ci c aci d
m i cr ocol um ns (4). C To m easur e pr ostagl andi n E 2 content, w e
per f or m ed a radi oi m m unoassay usi ng a speci f i c rabbi t anti ser um
agai nst an al bum i nconjugated pr ostagl andi n E 2 pr eparati on. D To
cal cul ate per cent r ecover y (the am ount of pr ostagl andi n E 2 content
r etai ned dur i ng the pur i f i cati on pr ocess), w e added a k now n am ount
of 3 Hpr ostagl andi n E 2 to each buf f er sol uti on bef or e the pur i f i cati on
pr ocess and then com par ed the radi oacti v i ty m easur ed bef or e and
af ter pur i f i cati on. E Recover y of pr ostagl andi n E 2 ranged f r om 50 to
70%. F We r epor t pr osta gl andi n E 2 pr oducti on as pg pr ostagl andi n E 2

per m g w et w ei ght ti ssue per 90m i n i ncubati on.
I. The f i r st sentence of the r ev i sed cal cul ati ons subsecti on i s a

str onger topi c sentence than i n the or i gi nal v er si on. Thi s topi c
sentence gi v es an ov er v i ew that states how the dependent
v ar i abl e i n the questi on (pr oducti on of pr ostagl andi n E 2 ) w as
cal cul ated.
II. The detai l s ar e r eor gani zed i n chr onol ogi cal or der : f i r st a
pr el i m i nar y step (pur i f i cati on) (B); then deter m i nati on of the
tw o com ponents of the cal cul ati on: m easur em ent of content (C)
and cal cul ati on of r ecov er y (D), the sam e or der as i n the topi c
sentence. The l ast tw o sentences (per cent r ecov er y of
pr ostagl andi n E 2 and how pr ostagl andi n E 2 pr oducti on i s
r epor ted) ar e i n the or i gi nal or der .
III. Per cent r ecov er y i s def i ned i n sentence D. In addi ti on, the
detai l s of each step ar e pul l ed together i nto one sentence, and
the step i s i denti f i ed at the begi nni ng of the sentence (B–D).
Fi nal l y , “a k now n am ount” i s added i n sentence D to cl ar i f y the
cal cul ati on of r ecov er y .
IV. Tw o pi eces of i nf or m ati on i n the cal cul ati on subsecti on at f i r st

seem i nappr opr i ate to the Methods secti on: or i gi nal sentences S
and W. Sentence S tel l s the per cent r ecov er y of pr ostagl andi n
E 2 , w hi ch seem s l i k e a r esul t. How ev er , i t i s not a r esul t that
answ er s the questi on. Rather , i t tel l s som ethi ng about the
m ater i al the author i s w or k i ng w i th and thus i s appr opr i ate i n
the Methods secti on.
Sentence W states that the m ax i m um concentr ati on of ethanol

had no ef f ect on pr ostagl andi n E 2 pr oducti on. Agai n, thi s i s not a
r esul t that answ er s the questi on. Know i ng that ethanol had no
ef f ect bel ongs i n Methods because i t i ndi cates a v al i d
ex per i m ental desi gn.
Thus, i nf or m ati on that l ook s l i k e r esul ts but does not hel p

answ er the questi on i s m or e appr opr i ate i n the Methods secti on
than i n Resul ts.
Thi s r ev i si on uses “w e” thr oughout ex cept i n the f i r st par agr aph, to

av oi d star ti ng the Methods secti on w i th “w e. ” In the r em ai ni ng
par agr aphs, “w e” i s used i n m ost sentences, but appear s at the
begi nni ng of a sentence as i nf r equentl y as possi bl e: ei ther zer o ti m es
(second par agr aph of Mater i al s), once (Rev i si on 2 of Pr epar ati on;
Study Desi gn), or tw i ce (Rev i si on 1 of Pr epar ati on; Cal cul ati ons). The
m ai n techni que used to av oi d putti ng “w e” at the begi nni ng of a
sentence i s to put a tr ansi ti on w or d or phr ase i ndi cati ng ti m e
sequence or pur pose at the begi nni ng of the sentence. See, f or
ex am pl e, sentences C and D of Mater i al s.
Back
Chapter 6
Results
FUNCTIONS
The f uncti on of the Resul ts secti on i s to state the r esul ts of the ex per i m ents
descr i bed i n the Mater i al s and Methods secti on. In addi ti on, the Resul ts secti on
di r ects the r eader to f i gur es or tabl es that pr esent suppor ti ng data.
STORY LINE
The Resul ts secti on conti nues the stor y l i ne i n di f f er ent way s i n the tw o ty pes
of hy pothesi stesti ng study. For hy pothesi stesti ng studi es i n w hi ch al l the
ex per i m ents ar e desi gned i n advance, the Resul ts secti on descr i bes the thi r d
step i n the stor y l i ne: the r esul ts. For hy pothesi stesti ng studi es i n w hi ch the
r esul ts of one ex per i m ent deter m i ne w hat the nex t ex per i m ent w i l l be, the
Resul ts secti on descr i bes both the second and the thi r d steps i n the stor y l i ne:
the ex per i m ents done and the r esul ts f ound. For these studi es, ther e i s no
Study Desi gn subsecti on i n Methods. Thus, the second step i n the stor y l i ne
appear s i n di f f er ent secti ons of the paper f or these tw o ty pes of hy pothesi s
testi ng study :
Se c tion of the P a pe r
One Ex pe rime nt
Ste p in the Story All Ex pe rime nts De te rmine s the
Line De s igne d in Adva nc e Ne x t
Questi on Intr oducti on Intr oducti on
Ex pe rime nts Me thods (Study De s ign Re s ults

done s ubs e c tion)
Resul ts f ound Resul ts Resul ts
Answ er Di scussi on Di scussi on
The Resul ts secti ons of descr i pti ve studi es and of m ethods paper s ar e si m i l ar to
the Resul ts secti on of hy pothesi stesti ng studi es i n w hi ch al l the ex per i m ents
ar e desi gned i n advance. For descr i pti ve studi es, the Resul ts secti on states the
r esul ts of the ex per i m ents done to obtai n the descr i pti on of a par ti cul ar
str uctur e. Si m i l ar l y, f or m ethods paper s, the Resul ts secti on states the r esul ts
of the tests done to deter m i ne how w el l the new m ethod w or k s. The new
m ethod i tsel f i s descr i bed i n the Methods secti on.
In thi s chapter, w e w i l l consi der the Resul ts secti ons f or the tw o ty pes of
hy pothesi stesti ng studi es.
P. 155
CONTENT
What to Include in the Results Section
The pr i m ar y i nf or m ati on i n the Resul ts secti on i s r esul ts. How ever, not ever y
r esul t that you obtai ned f r om your ex per i m ents or obser vati ons needs to be
r epor ted i n the Resul ts secti on. The Resul ts secti on shoul d r epor t onl y r esul ts
per ti nent to the questi on posed i n the Intr oducti on. Resul ts shoul d be i ncl uded
w hether or not they suppor t your hy pothesi s. Both ex per i m ental and contr ol
r esul ts shoul d be i ncl uded.
In addi ti on to pr esenti ng r esul ts, the Resul ts secti on can i ncl ude a f ew data.
How ever, m ost data, and i n par ti cul ar the m ost i m por tant data, shoul d be
pr esented i n f i gur es or tabl es, w her e the data ar e hi ghl y v i si bl e and easy to
r ead.
N or m al l y, the Resul ts secti on does not i ncl ude statem ents that need to be
r ef er enced, such as com par i sons w i th other s' r esul ts. How ever, i f a br i ef
com par i son (one or tw o sentences) w oul d not f i t sm oothl y i nto the Di scussi on,
i t can be i ncl uded i n the Resul ts secti on.
The Resul ts secti on of one ty pe of study—hy pothesi stesti ng studi es i n w hi ch

the r esul ts of one ex per i m ent deter m i ne w hat the nex t ex per i m ent w i l l be—al so
i ncl udes questi ons, study desi gn (over v i ew of the ex per i m ents done), answ er s,
and, as needed, back gr ound, pur poses, and r easons i n the Resul ts secti on. See
Or gani zati on, bel ow.
Results and Data

Resul ts ar e di f f er ent f r om data. Data ar e f acts, of ten num ber s, obtai ned f r om
ex per i m ents and obser vati ons. Data can be raw (f or ex am pl e, al l the
phosphol i pi d concentrati ons m easur ed dur i ng an ex per i m ent), sum m ar i zed (f or
ex am pl e, m ean and SD), or transf or m ed (f or ex am pl e, per cent of contr ol ).
Resul ts ar e general statem ents that i nter pr et data (f or ex am pl e, “Pr opranol ol
gi ven dur i ng nor m al venti l ati on decr eased phosphol i pi d concentrati ons”).
Data can rar el y stand al one. The r esul t (= the m eani ng of the data) m ust be
stated. For ex am pl e, w hat i s the r eader supposed to thi nk af ter r eadi ng the tw o
sentences of data i n Ex am pl e 6. 1?
Ex a mple 6. 1 Data but N o Resul t

In the 20 contr ol subjects, the m ean r esti ng bl ood pr essur e was 85 ± 5 (SD)
m m Hg. In com par i son, i n the 30 tenni s pl ayer s, the m ean r esti ng bl ood
pr essur e was 94 ± 3 m m Hg.
Ar e the data si m i l ar ? Di f f er ent? What i s the poi nt? The pur pose of the Resul ts
secti on i s to m ake the poi nt cl ear. To m ake the poi nt cl ear, state the r esul t f i r st
and then pr esent the data, as i n Rev i si on A bel ow, or (better ) ci te a f i gur e or a
tabl e.
Re vis ion A Resul t Stated
The m ean r esti ng bl ood pr essur e was hi gher i n the 30 tenni s pl ayer s than i n the
20 contr ol subjects [94 ± 3 (SD) v s. 85 ± 5 m m Hg, P < 0. 02].
In Rev i si on A the poi nt i s cl ear : “was hi gher.” The sentence now states a r esul t.
The data ar e gi ven i n par entheses af ter the r esul t. (A P val ue f or
P. 156
stati sti cal si gni f i cance i s added to pr ov i de ev i dence that the di f f er ence was not
l i kel y to have occur r ed by chance. ) How ever, i n m ost cases, the data shoul d be
pr esented i n a f i gur e or a tabl e, as i n Ex am pl e 6. 7 bel ow, rather than i n the
tex t.
In addi ti on to si m pl y say i ng “was l ess than,” “was gr eater than,” “decr eased,”
or “i ncr eased,” you can, w hen appr opr i ate, gi ve a general i dea of the
m agni tude of a di f f er ence or a change by usi ng a per centage, as i n Rev i si on B.
Re vis ion B Resul t and General Idea of the Magni tude

The m ean r esti ng bl ood pr essur e was 10% hi gher i n the 30 tenni s pl ayer s than
i n the 20 contr ol subjects [94 ± 3 (SD) v s. 85 ± 5 m m Hg, P < 0. 02].
Thi s statem ent of the r esul t (“was 10% hi gher ”) gi ves a si m pl er and ther ef or e
cl ear er i dea of the m agni tude of the di f f er ence than do the data al one (94 ± 3
v s. 85 ± 5 m m Hg).
Indicators and Variables

If you assessed an i ndi cator of a var i abl e, descr i be r esul ts f or the i ndi cator i n
the Resul ts secti on. For ex am pl e, i f you assessed speci f i c ai r way r esi stance as
an i ndi cator of br onchoconstr i cti on, gi ve r esul ts f or speci f i c ai r way r esi stance.
Accuracy and Consistency of Data

The data m ust be accurate. In addi ti on, the data m ust be i nter nal l y consi stent.
For ex am pl e, i f a val ue i s gi ven both i n the Resul ts and i n the Di scussi on, or i n
the Resul ts and i n a f i gur e or tabl e, the val ue shoul d be the sam e i n both
pl aces.
Statistical Analysis
For nor m al l y di str i buted data that have been anal y zed stati sti cal l y, r epor t the
m ean and a stati sti c that esti m ates the var i ati on f r om the m ean [f or ex am pl e,
the standar d dev i ati on (SD) or the range], and speci f y w hi ch stati sti c you ar e
r epor ti ng. Al so gi ve the sam pl e si ze (n) and the pr obabi l i ty val ues f or tests of
stati sti cal si gni f i cance. (See the r ev i si ons of Ex am pl e 6. 1 above. )
For nonnor m al l y di str i buted data that have been anal y zed stati sti cal l y, r epor t
the m edi an and the i nter quar ti l e range (that i s, the range betw een the 25th and
the 75th per centi l es).
When r epor ti ng r esul ts of stati sti cal hy pothesi s tests, i t i s of ten usef ul to
r epor t 95% conf i dence i nter val s i n addi ti on to P val ues so that the r eader i s
better abl e to judge the bi ol ogi cal or cl i ni cal si gni f i cance of the r esul ts (see
Gl antz, Chap. 7, and Gar dner and Al tm an).
ORGANIZATION
The Resul ts secti on i s nor m al l y or gani zed chr onol ogi cal l y, i n the or der i n w hi ch
the ex per i m ents w er e done.
P. 157
Studies in Which All Experiments Are Designed in

Advance
For studi es i n w hi ch al l ex per i m ents ar e desi gned i n advance, and w hi ch
ther ef or e i ncl ude a Study Desi gn subsecti on i n Methods, the Resul ts secti on
si m pl y descr i bes the r esul ts, one topi c per paragraph. The r esul ts can be
or gani zed ei ther chr onol ogi cal l y or f r om m ost to l east i m por tant. For
or gani zati on f r om m ost to l east i m por tant, put r esul ts that answ er the questi on
at the begi nni ng of the Resul ts secti on or at the begi nni ng of paragraph 1 and
successi ve paragraphs. In Ex am pl e 6. 2, bel ow, the var i abl es w er e m easur ed
si m ul taneousl y, so the Resul ts secti on i s or gani zed f r om m ost to l east
i m por tant.
Ex a mple A Resul ts Secti on f r om a Hy pothesi sTesti ng Study i n
6. 2 Whi ch Al l Ex per i m ents Wer e Desi gned i n Advance
Questi on: Whether pul m onar y hy per tensi on i s pr ogr essi ve i n

pati ents w i th sy stem i c l upus er y them atosus.
Study To answ er thi s questi on, the author s per f or m ed a

Desi gn: com pl ete Doppl er echocar di ographi c ex am i nati on i n each
of 28 pati ents and 20 contr ol subjects and com par ed the
r esul ts w i th those f r om a si m i l ar study done 5 year s
ear l i er. The var i abl e used as an i ndi cator of pul m onar y
hy per tensi on was pul m onar y ar ter y pr essur e. In addi ti on,
pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance was m easur ed as the
possi bl e cause of the i ncr ease i n pul m onar y ar ter y
pr essur e.
Results
1. P ulmona ry Arte ry P re s s ure . A The pr eval ence of pul m onar y hy per tensi on
i n the sy stem i c l upus er y them atosus pati ents i ncr eased f r om 14% (5 of 36
pati ents) i n the f i r st study to 43% (12 of 28 pati ents) i n the second study,
done 5 year s l ater. B Si m i l ar l y, our i ndi cator of pul m onar y hy per tensi on,
m ean sy stol i c pul m onar y ar ter y pr essur e, i ncr eased f r om a m ean of 23. 4
m m Hg i n the f i r st study to a m ean of 27. 5 m m Hg i n the second study (Fi g.
1). C In the second study, m ean sy stol i c pul m onar y ar ter y pr essur e was
hi gher i n the l upus pati ents than i n the contr ol s (27. 5 v s. 22. 5 m m Hg, p <
0. 005). D Ri ght atr i al pr essur e, esti m ated f r om obser vati on of the vena
cava, was nor m al i n al l 28 l upus pati ents and al l 20 contr ol s.
2. E Ofthe 5 pati ents w ho had pul m onar y hy per tensi on at the f i r st study, 2
had di ed at the ti m e of the second study, 1 had per si stent pul m onar y
hy per tensi on, and 2 had nor m al i zed sy stol i c pul m onar y ar ter y pr essur e.
F Of the 12 pati ents w ho had pul m onar y hy per tensi on at the second study,
11 had had nor m al pul m onar y ar ter y pr essur e at the f i r st study. G The
m ean i ncr ease i n pul m onar y ar ter y sy stol i c pr essur e f or these 11 pati ents
was 9. 4m m Hg.
3. P ulmona ry Va s c ula r Re s is ta nc e . H Pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance al so

i ncr eased i n the l upus pati ents, f r om a m ean of 5. 1 m m Hg/L/m i n i n the
f i r st study to a m ean of 7. 1 m m Hg/L/m i n i n the second study (Fi g. 2). I In
the second study, m ean pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance was hi gher i n the
l upus pati ents than i n the contr ol s (7. 1 v s. 5. 6, p < 0. 005). J Addi ti onal l y,
i n the 12 pati ents w i th pul m onar y hy per tensi on at the second study,
pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance was hi gher than i n the 15 pati ents w ho had
nor m al pul m onar y ar ter y pr essur es (Tabl e III). K Of the tw o pati ents w hose
pul m onar y ar ter y pr essur e
P. 158
nor m al i zed f r om the f i r st to the second study, one had no change i n
car di ac output and a decr ease i n total pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance
(f r om 6. 0 to 3. 9 m m Hg/L/m i n), and the other had a decr ease of 2. 3 L/m i n
i n car di ac output.
Thi s Resul ts secti on, f or w hi ch the enti r e ex per i m ent was desi gned i n
advance, i s or gani zed f r om m ost to l east i m por tant: f i r st the i ndi cator f or
the dependent var i abl e i n the questi on (paragraphs 1 and 2); then another
dependent var i abl e (paragraph 3).
Si m i l ar l y, w i thi n each subsecti on, the r esul ts ar e or gani zed f r om m ost to

l east i m por tant. Fi r st ar e the r esul ts f or the var i abl e (sentences A, B; H).
Then com e suppor ti ng detai l s (C, D; I, J) and detai l s f or i ndi v i dual
pati ents (E–G; K).
Studies in Which One Experiment Determines the

Next Experiment
For studi es i n w hi ch the r esul ts of one ex per i m ent deter m i ne w hat the nex t
ex per i m ent w i l l be, the Resul ts secti on i s or gani zed i n a r epeati ng f our par t
patter n. Ideal l y, each r epeat of the patter n i s i n a separate paragraph. If
necessar y, back gr ound i ndi cati ng w hy a questi on was asked and pur poses or
r easons ex pl ai ni ng w hy an ex per i m ent was done ar e al so i ncl uded. The f our
par t patter n i s
Questi on
Over v i ew of the ex per i m ents
Resul ts
Answ er to the questi on
The questi on i n the f i r st paragraph of the Resul ts secti on i s the questi on of the
paper. The questi ons i n succeedi ng paragraphs ar e questi ons asked as steps
towar d answ er i ng the questi on of the paper.
The sequence of over v i ew s of the ex per i m ents r unni ng f r om the f i r st to the l ast
paragraph of the Resul ts secti on consti tutes the Study Desi gn.
The answ er stated af ter each r esul t l eads to the nex t questi on, thus tr i gger i ng
the nex t f our par t patter n (that i s, the nex t paragraph) of the Resul ts secti on.
An answ er at or near the end of the Resul ts i s the answ er to the questi on asked
i n the paper.
Thi s f our par t patter n i s a m i ni atur e ver si on of the stor y l i ne that r uns thr ough
the paper.
An ex am pl e of a Resul ts secti on that f ol l ow s thi s r epeated f our par t patter n i s

gi ven i n Ex am pl e 6. 3.
Ex a mple A Resul ts Secti on f r om a Hy pothesi sTesti ng Study i n

6. 3 Whi ch the Resul ts of One Ex per i m ent Deter m i ned the
N ex t Ex per i m ent
Questi on: Whether the nem atode gene ceh22 and the
ver tebrate gene nk x 2. 5 per f or m si m i l ar f uncti ons.
Ex per i m ental Ex am i nati on of the abi l i ty of the zebraf i sh nk x 2. 5
Appr oach: gene to substi tute f or the nem atode ceh22 gene i n
transgeni c Caenor habdi ti s el egans.
P. 159
Results
1. Ze bra fis h nk x 2. 5 Ca n Ac tiva te myo2 Ex pr essi on When Ex pr essed i n C.
el egans Body Wal l Muscl e. ATo deter m i ne w hether zebraf i sh nk x 2. 5 can
f uncti on si m i l ar l y to ceh22, w e ex pr essed nk x 2. 5 i n C. el egans body wal l
m uscl e and ex am i ned ex pr essi on of the endogenous m y o2 gene by
anti body stai ni ng. BThe rati onal e f or thi s appr oach was as f ol l ow s. CIn
w i l dty pe C. el egans, ceh22 i s ex pr essed excl usi vel y i n phar y ngeal
m uscl e, w her e i t acti vates ex pr essi on of the phar y ngeal m uscl especi f i c
myosi n heav y chai n gene m y o2 (14). DHow ever, ectopi c ex pr essi on of
ceh22 i n body wal l m uscl e can acti vate ex pr essi on of m y o2 (15).
EBecause m y o2 i s nor m al l y never ex pr essed i n body wal l m uscl e, thi s
ectopi c ex pr essi on assay pr ov i des a sensi ti ve test f or ceh22 f uncti on.
FWe generated tw o transgeni c l i nes ex pr essi ng an nk x 2. 5 cDN A under the
contr ol of the unc54 body wal l m uscl especi f i c pr om oter. GIn both l i nes,
w e detected m y o2 ex pr essi on i n the body wal l m uscl es (Fi g. 1A and B).
HThese r esul ts show that nk x . 2. 5 can f uncti on l i ke ceh22 to i nduce m y o
2 ex pr essi on.
2. IWe nex t asked w hether N k x 2. 5 di r ectl y i nteracts w i th the sam e sequences

r ecogni zed by CEH22. JTo answ er thi s questi on, w e ex am i ned ex pr essi on
of a r epor ter gene under the contr ol of m ul ti m er i zed CEH22 bi ndi ng si tes.
KCEH22 bi nds a r egi on w i thi n the m y o2 enhancer ter m ed the B
subel em ent (14). LIn w i l dty pe ani m al s, a l acZ r epor ter under contr ol of a
sy ntheti c enhancer consi sti ng of f our copi es of a 28bp B subel em ent
ol i gonucl eoti de i s ex pr essed speci f i cal l y i n phar y ngeal m uscl e; onl y
occasi onal ex pr essi on i s obser ved outsi de the phar y nx (Tabl e 1; r ef. 14).
MIn a transgeni c strai n bear i ng the unc54::nk x 2. 5 ex pr essi on constr uct,
w e f ound a si gni f i cant i ncr ease i n the num ber of ani m al s ex pr essi ng β
gal actosi dase i n body wal l m uscl e (f r om 2. 5 to 16. 5%)(Tabl e 1; Fi g. 1C).
N To r ul e out the possi bi l i ty that N k x 2. 5 was i ndi r ectl y i ncr easi ng
ex pr essi on of m y o2 or the B subel em ent r epor ter by acti vati ng ectopi c
ex pr essi on of the ceh22 gene, w e ex am i ned ex pr essi on of a ceh22::l acZ
f usi on i n ani m al s bear i ng the unc54:nk x 2. 5 transgene. OEx pr essi on of β
gal actosi dase was l i m i ted to phar y ngeal m uscl e (Tabl e 1), a patter n
i denti cal to that obser ved i n w i l dty pe ani m al s (14). PThus, N k x 2. 5, l i ke
CEH22, acti vates transcr i pti on by i nteracti ng di r ectl y w i th the B sub
el em ent of the m y o2 enhancer.
3. nk x 2. 5 Ca n Subs titute for c e h22 During Norma l P ha rynge a l

De ve lopme nt. QIn addi ti on to i ts r ol e i n m y o2 acti vati on, CEH22 l i kel y
r egul ates other genes r equi r ed f or phar y ngeal devel opm ent. RIndeed, a
ceh22 m utant ex hi bi ts pr of ound contracti l e and m or phol ogi cal def ects i n
the phar y nx , despi te ex pr essi ng m y o2 near l y as w el l as w i l d ty pe (15).
STo ex am i ne the ex tent to w hi ch N k x 2. 5 and CEH22 ar e f uncti onal l y
equi val ent, w e asked i f ex pr essi on of nk x 2. 5 i n phar y ngeal m uscl e can
r escue a ceh22 m utant. (etc. )
Thi s segm ent f r om a Resul ts secti on i n w hi ch the r esul t of one ex per i m ent
deter m i ned the nex t ex per i m ent f ol l ow s the f our par t patter n: questi on,
ex per i m ent, r esul ts, answ er. Each r epeat of the patter n (that i s, each
paragraph) m oves the stor y l i ne f or war d by addi ng m or e ev i dence that
Zebraf i sh nk x 2. 5 can f uncti on l i ke ver tebrate ceh22.
In addi ti on, w i thi n each paragraph, other i nf or m ati on i s i ncl uded to m ake
the stor y l i ne cl ear : i n paragraphs 1 and 2, r easons f or the desi gn of the
ex per i m ent; i n paragraph 2 the pur pose of the contr ol ex per i m ent; i n
paragraph 3, back gr ound l eadi ng to the nex t questi on.
P. 160
EMPHASIS
In the Resul ts secti on, r esul ts shoul d be em phasi zed. Ver y di f f er ent techni ques
of em phasi s ar e used i n Resul ts secti ons of studi es i n w hi ch one ex per i m ent
deter m i nes w hat the nex t ex per i m ent w i l l be and Resul ts secti ons of studi es i n
w hi ch al l ex per i m ents ar e desi gned i n advance.
Studies in Which One Experiment Determines the

Next Experiment
In Resul ts secti ons i n w hi ch the r esul ts of one ex per i m ent deter m i ne w hat the
nex t ex per i m ent w i l l be, the r esul ts ar e al way s i n the m i ddl e of a paragraph,
w hi ch, as w e saw i n Chapter 3, i s the l east v i si bl e posi ti on. To em phasi ze the
r esul ts, you can use a si gnal at the begi nni ng of the sentence: “We f ound,” or a
var i ati on such as “We obser ved” or “We detected.”
In Ex am pl e 6. 3, the author s use these si gnal s, though not at the begi nni ng of
the sentence, so the si gnal s ar e not str ong: “In both l i nes, w e detected m y o2
ex pr essi on…” (sentence G); “In a transgeni c strai n bear i ng the unc54::nk x 2. 5
ex pr essi on constr uct, w e f ound a si gni f i cant i ncr ease i n the num ber of ani m al s
ex pr essi ng βgal actosi dase…” (sentence M).
Studies in Which All Experiments Are Designed in

Advance
In the Resul ts secti on of studi es i n w hi ch al l ex per i m ents ar e desi gned i n
advance, several techni ques can be used to em phasi ze the i m por tant r esul ts. As
w e saw i n Chapter 3, these techni ques i ncl ude om i tti ng, condensi ng, or
subor di nati ng l ess i m por tant i nf or m ati on, and putti ng i m por tant i nf or m ati on i n
a pow er posi ti on. In addi ti on, topi c sentences can be used to gi ve over v i ew
bef or e you gi ve detai l s.
Omit Data; Condense Results

Most data bel ong i n f i gur es or tabl es. If a l ot of data ar e pr esented i n the tex t,
they can over w hel m the r esul ts. Ther ef or e, data shoul d be kept to an absol ute
m i ni m um i n the Resul ts secti on. Data that ar e pr esented i n a f i gur e or a tabl e
shoul d be om i tted f r om the tex t. How ever, one or tw o especi al l y i m por tant
val ues can be r epeated i n the tex t f or em phasi s. In addi ti on, br i ef secondar y
data that do not war rant di spl ay i n a f i gur e or a tabl e can be pr esented i n the
tex t by bei ng pl aced w i thi n par entheses af ter the r esul t.
The r esul ts shoul d be condensed to avoi d unnecessar y r epeti ti on. For ex am pl e,

i f the r esul t f or several var i abl es i s the sam e, the r esul t shoul d not be stated
over and over, var i abl e by var i abl e. Instead, the r esul t f or al l the var i abl es
shoul d be stated once.
Ex a mple 6. 4 Data Over w hel m i ng Resul ts
Gr oup 1: Ser i al Dev el opm ent of Al v eol ar Hy pox i a Fol l ow ed by Al k al osi s. The
pul m onar y ar ter y pr essur e i ncr eased to 65 ± 21 (SD) % above basel i ne dur i ng
hy pox i a but then decr eased to 37 ± 16% above basel i ne w hen al k al i was
i nf used i nto the l ungs of 12 rabbi ts. Si m i l ar l y, the pul m onar y ar ter y pr essur e
i ncr eased to 41 ± 17% above basel i ne dur i ng hy pox i a but then decr eased to 21
± 13% above basel i ne w hen PICO 2 was decr eased (Fi g. 2). Thus, both m etabol i c
and r espi rator y al k al osi s decr eased the pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance af ter i t
had i ncr eased i n r esponse to hy pox i a.
P. 161
Gr oup 2: Ser i al Dev el opm ent of Al k al osi s Fol l ow ed by Al v eol ar Hy pox i a. The
basel i ne pul m onar y ar ter y pr essur e decr eased f r om 9. 4 ± 1. 8 to 8. 4 ± 1. 5 cm
H 2 O w hen N aHCO 3 was i nf used and f r om 9. 0 ± 2. 1 to 7. 9 ± 1. 5 cm H 2 O w hen
PICO 2 was decr eased i n the l ungs of 20 rabbi ts. The pul m onar y ar ter y r esponse
to al veol ar hy pox i a at a pH of 7. 35–7. 42 was no di f f er ent f r om the r esponse to
al veol ar hy pox i a at a pH of 7. 50–7. 65 (Fi g. 3). These r esul ts w er e the sam e
r egar dl ess of w hether al k al osi s was i nduced by decr easi ng PICO 2 or by i nf usi ng
N aHCO 3 (Fi g. 3). Thus, al though both m etabol i c and r espi rator y al k al osi s
decr eased basel i ne pul m onar y r esi stance, they di d not decr ease constr i cti on of
the pul m onar y ar ter y i n r esponse to subsequent al veol ar hy pox i a.
Gr oup 3: Si m ul taneous Dev el opm ent of Al k al osi s and Al v eol ar Hy pox i a. The
pul m onar y ar ter y r esponse to al veol ar hy pox i a was si gni f i cantl y l ow er at a pH
of 7. 50–7. 65 than at a pH of 7. 35–7. 42 i n the l ungs of 8 rabbi ts (Fi g. 4). Thus,
si m ul taneous al veol ar hy pox i a and r espi rator y al k al osi s decr eased constr i cti on
of the pul m onar y ar ter y.
In thi s ex am pl e, onl y the l ast sentence of each paragraph r epor ts r esul ts. The
ear l i er sentences r epor t data that ar e show n i n f i gur es and can ther ef or e be
om i tted, except f or one sentence of basel i ne r esul ts and data. These data
shoul d be i n par entheses, as show n i n Rev i si on A.
Revision A
When m etabol i c or r espi rator y al k al osi s was i nduced af ter hy pox i a (12 rabbi ts),
pul m onar y ar ter y constr i cti on i n r esponse to hy pox i a was r educed (Fi g. 2). In
contrast, w hen m etabol i c or r espi rator y al k al osi s was i nduced bef or e hy pox i a
(20 rabbi ts), pul m onar y ar ter y constr i cti on i n r esponse to hy pox i a was not
r educed (Fi g. 3). How ever, basel i ne pul m onar y ar ter i al pr essur e decr eased
[f r om 9. 4 ± 1. 8 to 8. 4 ± 1. 5 (SD) cm H 2 O f or m etabol i c al k al osi s and f r om 9. 0
± 2. 1 to 7. 0 ± 1. 5 cm H 2 O f or r espi rator y al k al osi s]. When r espi rator y
al k al osi s and hy pox i a w er e i nduced si m ul taneousl y (8 rabbi ts), pul m onar y
ar ter y constr i cti on i n r esponse to hy pox i a was agai n r educed (Fi g. 4).
In the r ev i si on, r esul ts ar e pr om i nent. How ever, the over v i ew w oul d be cl ear er
i f r epeti ti on w er e avoi ded and si m i l ar r esul ts w er e r epor ted together, as i n
Rev i si on B. (For thi s r ev i si on to w or k , m etabol i c and r espi rator y al k al osi s
w oul d have to be i denti f i ed i n the f i gur es. )
Revision B
Pul m onar y ar ter y constr i cti on i n the rabbi ts was r educed w hen al k al osi s was
i nduced ei ther af ter (Fi g. 2) or dur i ng (Fi g. 4) hy pox i a, but not w hen al k al osi s
was i nduced bef or e hy pox i a (Fi g. 3). Basel i ne pul m onar y ar ter y pr essur e was
al ter ed onl y w hen al k al osi s was i nduced bef or e hy pox i a, decr easi ng f r om 9. 4 ±
1. 8 to 8. 4 ± 1. 5 (SD) cm H 2 O f or m etabol i c al k al osi s and f r om 9. 0 ± 2. 1 to 7. 0
± 1. 5 cm H 2 O f or r espi rator y al k al osi s.
Subordinate Figure Legends and Table Titles

Do not use a f i gur e l egend or a tabl e ti tl e as a topi c sentence. Ci te f i gur es and
tabl es (i n par entheses) af ter statem ents that gi ve r esul ts, pr ef erabl y af ter the
f i r st r esul t r el evant to the f i gur e or tabl e.
Ex a mple A Fi gur e Legend U sed as a Topi c Sentence

6. 5 (U ndesi rabl e)
P. 162
A sum m ar y of r enal f uncti on data i s pr esented i n Fi g. 2. Conti nuous posi ti ve
ai r way pr essur e (7. 5 cm H 2 O) i n new bor n goats decr eased ur i ne f l ow, sodi um
excr eti on, and the gl om er ul ar f i l trati on rate.
The f i r st sentence i s essenti al l y a f i gur e l egend: Fi g. 2. Renal f uncti on data. For

a m or e pow er f ul topi c sentence, om i t the f i gur e l egend and state the r esul ts.
Ci te the f i gur e i n par entheses at the end of the sentence that states the
r esul ts.
Revision
Conti nuous posi ti ve ai r way pr essur e (7. 5 cm H 2 O) i n new bor n goats decr eased
ur i ne f l ow, sodi um excr eti on, and the gl om er ul ar f i l trati on rate (Fi g. 2).
The r eason that a r esul t i s a m or e pow er f ul topi c sentence than i s a f i gur e

l egend or a tabl e ti tl e i s that a r esul t states a m essage. In Ex am pl e 6. 5, the
f i r st sentence i ndi cates onl y the topi c of the paragraph—r enal f uncti on data.
The second sentence states a m essage—that r enal var i abl es decr eased, w hi ch i s
w hat the r eader wants to k now. Ther ef or e, thi s sentence shoul d be pl aced f i r st,
i n a pow er posi ti on, w her e the r eader w i l l f i nd i t r eadi l y. It shoul d not be
bur i ed i n the m i ddl e of the paragraph.
Fur ther m or e, to use an enti r e sentence to di r ect the r eader to the f i gur e i s
wastef ul . Al l that i s necessar y i s to ci te the f i gur e i n par entheses at the end of
the sentence that states the r esul t, as i n the r ev i si on.
Fi nal l y, the r esul t i s a m or e pow er f ul pr eparati on f or l ook i ng at a f i gur e or

tabl e than a f i gur e l egend or tabl e ti tl e i s. The r eason i s that a r esul t cr eates
an ex pectati on but a f i gur e l egend or tabl e ti tl e does not. Af ter r eadi ng a f i gur e
l egend, the r eader has no i dea of w hat m essage to ex pect i n the f i gur e. In
contrast, af ter r eadi ng a r esul t, the r eader k now s ex actl y w hat m essage to
ex pect and has onl y to agr ee or di sagr ee w i th the m essage, not to hunt f or i t.
For ex am pl e, af ter r eadi ng Ex am pl e 6. 5 above, the r eader w oul d ex pect to f i nd
onl y r enal f uncti on data, but af ter r eadi ng the r ev i si on, the r eader w oul d
ex pect to f i nd a speci f i c r esul t—decr eases i n al l thr ee var i abl es. Hav i ng a cl ear
ex pectati on w hen l ook i ng at a f i gur e i s m uch m or e ef f i ci ent than not k now i ng
w hat you ar e supposed to see.
Subordinate Control Results

Contr ol r esul ts som eti m es need to be descr i bed f i r st, f or ex am pl e, i f the
stabi l i ty of the basel i ne needs to be establ i shed. Other w i se, contr ol r esul ts,
both f or basel i ne and f or contr ol ser i es, shoul d be descr i bed al ong w i th or af ter
ex per i m ental r esul ts w henever possi bl e. For ex am pl e, basel i ne data can
som eti m es be i ncor porated i nto a sentence descr i bi ng the ex per i m ental r esul ts,
Ex a mple 6. 6 Ex per i m ental Resul t Incor porati ng Basel i ne Data
Dur i ng the acute per i od of l i pi d i nf usi on, l ung l y m ph f l ow i ncr eased f r om 2. 44

± 0. 32 (m ean ± SD) to 4. 00 ± 0. 72 m l /h (P < 0. 05).
In thi s ex am pl e, 2. 44 ± 0. 32 m l /h i s the basel i ne val ue. To m ake the basel i ne

val ue m or e noti ceabl e, w r i te “i ncr eased f r om a basel i ne v al ue of 2. 44… .”
Si m i l ar l y, f or a contr ol ser i es of ex per i m ents, the r esul ts can som eti m es be
i ncor porated i nto a com par i son betw een ex per i m ental and contr ol r esul ts, as i n
Ex am pl e 6. 7.
Ex a mple 6. 7 Ex per i m ental Resul t Incor porati ng a Contr ol Resul t
P. 163
When ei ther ter butal i ne or epi nephr i ne was i nsti l l ed al ong w i th ser um i nto the
ai r spaces, the excess l ung water was si gni f i cantl y l ess than w hen ser um al one
was i nsti l l ed (Fi g. 1).
In thi s ex am pl e, the contr ol ser i es i s descr i bed by “w hen ser um al one was
i nsti l l ed,” and the contr ol data ar e gi ven al ong w i th the ex per i m ental data i n a
f i gur e.
Al ter nati vel y, r esul ts f or a contr ol ser i es can som eti m es be r epor ted af ter the
r esul ts f or the ex per i m ental ser i es.
If basel i ne or contr ol data ar e r epor ted i n a f i gur e or a tabl e, they do not

usual l y need to be r epor ted i n the tex t.
Subordinate Methods
In the Resul ts secti on of studi es i n w hi ch al l ex per i m ents ar e desi gned i n
advance, do not use a m ethods statem ent as a topi c sentence. The topi c
sentences i n these Resul ts secti ons shoul d state r esul ts. In Ex am pl e 6. 8, the
f i r st sentence (topi c sentence) states m ethods and the second sentence states
r esul ts.
Ex a mple 6. 8 Method as a Topi c Sentence (U ndesi rabl e)

In thr ee of the cats i n the second ser i es, the i nhi bi tor y ef f ect of 1 µg
i sopr oter enol was ex am i ned w hen basel i ne tensi on was i nduced excl usi vel y by
ei ther chol i ner gi c neur otransm i ssi on, exogenous acety l chol i ne, or exogenous 5
hydr ox y tr y ptam i ne. Injecti on of 1 µg i sopr oter enol evoked a di f f er enti al
i nhi bi tor y r esponse, r el ax ati on bei ng gr eater w hen tensi on was i nduced by
chol i ner gi c neur otransm i ssi on or exogenous 5hydr ox y tr y ptam i ne than by
exogenous acety l chol i ne (Fi g. 5).
In Ex am pl e 6. 8, si nce al l of the m ethods detai l s (except the num ber of cats)

appear i n the second sentence, the f i r st sentence i s unnecessar y. A str onger
way to begi n thi s paragraph i s to om i t the f i r st sentence and i ncor porate the
num ber of cats i nto the second sentence. Thus, the paragraph i ncl udes m ethods
but hi ghl i ghts r esul ts.
Revision
Injecti on of 1 µg of i sopr oter enol i nto thr ee cats evoked a di f f er enti al i nhi bi tor y
r esponse, r el ax ati on bei ng gr eater w hen tensi on was i nduced by chol i ner gi c
neur otransm i ssi on or exogenous 5hydr ox y tr y ptam i ne than by exogenous
acety l chol i ne (Fi g. 5).
At l east tw o techni ques of sentence str uctur e ar e avai l abl e f or i ncl udi ng
m ethods i n sentences that state r esul ts. One techni que i s to m ake the m ethod
the subject of the sentence, as i n the r ev i si on of Ex am pl e 6. 8 above and i n
Ex am pl e 6. 9B bel ow. Other techni ques ar e to state the m ethod i n a transi ti on
phrase or cl ause and the r esul t i n the m ai n cl ause, as i n Ex am pl es 6. 9C and
6. 9D.
Ex a mple 6. 9 Incl udi ng Methods Statem ents i n the Resul ts Secti on
A. Me thod a s a Topic Se nte nc e (U nde s ira ble )
We a dminis te re d pr opranol ol dur i ng nor m al venti l ati on. Thi s betabl ocker
de c re a s e d phosphol i pi d (Fi g. 1).
P. 164
B. Me thod Subordina te d a s the Subje c t; Re s ult in the Ve rb + Obje c t
Pr opranol ol adm i ni ster ed dur i ng nor m al venti l ati on de c re a s e d

phosphol i pi d (Fi g. 1).
C. Me thod Subordina te d in a Tra ns ition P hra s e ; Re s ult in Subje c t + Ve rb

Af ter adm i ni strati on of pr opranol ol dur i ng nor m al venti l ati on, phosphol i pi d
de c re a s e d (Fi g. 1).
D. Me thod Subordina te d in a Tra ns ition Cla us e ; Re s ult in Ma in Cla us e
When pr opranol ol was adm i ni ster ed dur i ng nor m al venti l ati on,
phosphol i pi d de c re a s e d (Fi g. 1).
The poi nt i s that i n the Resul ts secti on, the m ai n ver bs (bol df aced i n the
ex am pl es above) shoul d descr i be r esul ts, not m ethods, so avoi d sentences that
state m ethods onl y, such as the f i r st sentence i n Ex am pl e 6. 9A. Hav i ng the
m ai n ver b descr i be r esul ts i s par ti cul ar l y i m por tant i n the topi c sentence.
Put Important Results First (In the Strongest Power

Position)
As the l ast f our ex am pl es show, subor di nati ng f i gur e l egends, tabl e ti tl es,
contr ol r esul ts, and m ethods i n the Resul ts secti on of studi es i n w hi ch al l
ex per i m ents ar e desi gned i n advance al l ow s you to put an i m por tant r esul t at
the begi nni ng of the paragraph, w hi ch i s the str ongest pow er posi ti on. The
r eader 's job i s m uch easi er i f the i m por tant r esul ts ar e at the begi nni ngs of
paragraphs and the l ess i m por tant detai l s ar e gi ven af ter the i m por tant r esul ts.
Ex am pl e 6. 2 i l l ustrates the advantage of putti ng i m por tant r esul ts f i r st (i n thi s
case, at the begi nni ng of each subsecti on).
Use Topic Sentences to Give Overview

Putti ng i m por tant r esul ts f i r st and l ess i m por tant detai l s l ater can be a way of
m ak i ng a r esul t i nto a topi c sentence, as i n sentence A of Ex am pl e 6. 10.
Ex a mple Resul t Fi r st (= Topi c Sentence), Suppor ti ng Detai l s

6. 10 Second
ATw o di f f er ent patter ns of phosphol i pi d di str i buti on w er e obtai ned dependi ng on

the bi l e sam pl es. BThe f i r st patter n, w hi ch was the one m ost f r equentl y
obser ved, had a m ai n peak of phosphol i pi ds i n the range of 10 6 dal tons and a
shoul der i n the range of 5 × 10 5 dal tons. CThe second patter n had a m ai n peak
of phosphol i pi ds i n the range of 5 × 10 5 dal tons and a shoul der i n the range of
10 6 dal tons.
N ote that thi s sam e strategy—stati ng the m essage and then gi v i ng the detai l s—
can be used i n the l ast sentence, to i ndi cate how the tw o patter ns di f f er.
Revision
ATw o di f f er ent patter ns of phosphol i pi d di str i buti on w er e obtai ned dependi ng on
the bi l e sam pl es. B The f i r st patter n, w hi ch was the one m ost f r equentl y
obser ved, had a m ai n peak of phosphol i pi ds i n the range of
P. 165
10 6 dal tons and a shoul der i n the range of 5 × 10 5 dal tons. C The second patter n
was the r ever se, hav i ng a m ai n peak of phosphol i pi ds i n the range of 5 × 10 5
dal tons and a shoul der i n the range of 10 6 dal tons.
The i dea i s to state the m essage so that the r eader cannot m i ss i t. In other
w or ds, i f you want the r eader to k now som ethi ng (her e, that the second patter n
i s the r ever se of the f i r st patter n), state i t; do not m ake the r eader guess.
In sum m ar y, the m ai n way s to em phasi ze i m por tant r esul ts ar e by om i tti ng

data f r om the tex t of the Resul ts secti on and condensi ng the r esul ts. In
addi ti on, putti ng r esul ts at the begi nni ng of a paragraph (str ongest pow er
posi ti on) and usi ng a r esul t as a topi c sentence, accom pani ed by subor di nati on
of l ess i m por tant i nf or m ati on (f i gur e l egends, tabl e ti tl es, contr ol r esul ts,
m ethods statem ents) hel p em phasi ze the i m por tant r esul ts.
LENGTH
Many author s thi nk of the Resul ts secti on as the hear t of the paper, so they tr y
to put the w hol e paper i nto the Resul ts secti on—m ethods, f i gur e l egends, tabl e
ti tl es, r esul ts, data, com par i sons w i th the l i teratur e—i n f act, ever y thi ng except
the Intr oducti on. Thi s tem ptati on shoul d be r esi sted. The Resul ts secti on shoul d
be as br i ef and uncl utter ed as possi bl e so that the r eader can see the f or est f or
the tr ees.
DETAILS
Subjects, Animals, and Material
The study subjects or the ani m al and the m ater i al (ti ssue, cel l l i ne, etc. ) used
i n the ex per i m ents shoul d be m enti oned at l east once i n the Resul ts secti on,
pr ef erabl y i n the f i r st sentence.
Identifying Human Subjects

Do not use i ni ti al s to i denti f y study subjects. U se A, B, C, etc. i f you r ef er to
an i ndi v i dual subject. U se 1, 2, 3, etc. w hen you studi ed m or e than 26 subjects.
Verb Tense
Resul ts of hy pothesi stesti ng studi es and of tests of new m ethods i n m ethods
paper s ar e r epor ted i n past tense, because they ar e di scr ete events that
occur r ed i n the past. Ex am pl es ar e “Pul m onar y ar ter y constr i cti on w a s
re duc e d” and “Im i dazol e inhibite d the i ncr ease i n pul m onar y ar ter i al pr essur e
i nduced by l i pi d i nf usi on.”
Resul ts of descr i pti ve studi es ar e r epor ted i n pr esent tense, because the
descr i pti on conti nues to be tr ue. Ex am pl es ar e “In m ost ti ssues, the l epti n
r eceptor m RN A a ppe a rs as a si ngl e band sl i ghtl y l ar ger than 5 k b” and “Ty pe
III and IV r eceptor genes ha ve ex tra i ntr ons i n the ex tracel l ul ar dom ai n.”
P. 166
Comparisons
When com par i ng r esul ts, use “than,” not “com par ed w i th.” In par ti cul ar, avoi d
am bi guous statem ents such as “X was i ncr eased com par ed w i th Y.” Instead
w r i te “X was gr eater than Y,” “X i ncr eased m or e than Y,” “X i ncr eased but Y was
unchanged,” or w hatever you m ean (see Chap. 2, “Put Paral l el Ideas i n Paral l el
For m ”).
Precise Word Choice

N ote the di f f er ence betw een abi l i ty and actual i ty :
Ex a mple Abi l i ty ver sus Actual i ty

6. 11
Ability: We c ould not de mons tra te hi ghaf f i ni ty, l owcapaci ty

DHE bi ndi ng si tes i n hear t par ti cul ates pr epar ed f r om
thr ee adul t sheep.
Ac tua lity: The re w e re no hi ghaf f i ni ty, l owcapaci ty DHE bi ndi ng

si tes i n hear t par ti cul ates pr epar ed f r om thr ee adul t
sheep.
“Coul d not dem onstrate” i m pl i es that bi ndi ng si tes m ay have been ther e, but
the techni que was not sensi ti ve enough to detect them . “Ther e w er e no” i m pl i es
that no bi ndi ng si tes ex i st (so no m ethod w oul d be abl e to detect them ). Know
w hether you ar e tal k i ng about abi l i ty or actual i ty, and choose your ver b
accor di ngl y.
N ote the di f f er ence betw een “di d not i ncr ease” and “f ai l ed to i ncr ease.” “Fai l ed”
i m pl i es an a pr i or i ex pectati on that the val ue shoul d have i ncr eased. “Di d not”
i m pl i es no a pr i or i ex pectati on. General l y, you shoul d use the neutral
descr i pti on, “di d not i ncr ease,” w hen r epor ti ng r esul ts.
Qual i tati ve w or ds that descr i be m agni tude ar e i m pr eci se and ther ef or e of l i ttl e
val ue w hen used al one. For ex am pl e, w hat does “m ar kedl y ” m ean i n “Hear t rate
i ncr eased m ar kedl y ”? We need the data to be sur e how bi g the i ncr ease was. If
you use a qual i tati ve w or d such as “m ar kedl y,” go on to quanti f y i t, ei ther by
ci ti ng a f i gur e or a tabl e or by r epor ti ng the data (pr ef erabl y as per cent
change) i n the tex t. Actual l y, the best pol i cy i s to avoi d qual i tati ve w or ds
al together i n the Resul ts secti on. Save qual i tati ve w or ds f or the Di scussi on, f or
occasi ons w hen you need to em phasi ze the m agni tude of a change or a
di f f er ence.
“Si gni f i cant” has becom e a code w or d f or “stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant.” Thus,
“si gni f i cantl y ” can no l onger be used as a sy nony m f or “m ar kedl y.” If you say,
f or ex am pl e, “Hear t rate i ncr eased si gni f i cantl y,” the r eader ex pects stati sti cal
detai l s to suppor t that statem ent.
Statistical Details
Stati sti cs bel ong w i th data. Most data shoul d be di spl ayed i n f i gur es or tabl es.
Ther ef or e, m ost stati sti cal detai l s shoul d be i n f i gur es and tabl es. When data
ar e i ncl uded i n the tex t, the accom pany i ng stati sti cal detai l s shoul d be w r i tten
as show n her e.
The conventi onal way to w r i te a m ean and standar d dev i ati on or a m ean and
standar d er r or of the m ean i s show n i n Ex am pl e 6. 12.
Ex a mple 6. 12 Mean and SD
48. 7 ± 1. 3 (SD) m l .
The standar d way to w r i te data that ar e bei ng com par ed stati sti cal l y i s show n
Ex a mple 6. 13 Stati sti cal Detai l s f or Com par i sons
P. 167
Bl ood f l ow was r edi str i buted m or e towar d the r i ght ventr i cl e than towar d the
l ef t ventr i cl e [26. 3 ± 2. 9 (SD) v s. 19. 5 ± 1. 5% i n 6 l am bs, P < 0. 01].
N ote that f i ve ty pes of stati sti cal i nf or m ati on ar e pr esented: the m ean (“26. 3”
and “19. 5%”), the standar d dev i ati on (“2. 9” and “1. 5%”), i denti f i cati on of the
stati sti c [“(SD)”], the sam pl e si ze (n) (“i n 6 l am bs”), and the pr obabi l i ty val ue
of si gni f i cance (“P < 0. 01”). General l y, you shoul d gi ve al l f i ve ty pes of
stati sti cal i nf or m ati on. How ever, i f a si ngl e stati sti c (f or ex am pl e, the standar d
dev i ati on) and a si ngl e sam pl e si ze (n) appl y to al l the data, then you can
i denti f y the stati sti c and the sam pl e si ze the f i r st ti m e you gi ve data, as i n
Ex am pl e 6. 13, and om i t these detai l s af ter that, as i n Ex am pl e 6. 14.
Ex a mple 6. 14 “(SD)” and n Om i tted
l ef t ventr i cl e (26. 3 ± 2. 9 v s. 19. 5 ± 1. 5%, P < 0. 01).
The stati sti c and the sam pl e si ze shoul d al so be i denti f i ed i n the Methods
secti on. For ex am pl e, “Data ar e ex pr essed as m ean ± SD”; “The study pr otocol
was per f or m ed on the r em ai ni ng 6 l am bs.”
If i n addi ti on you r epor t the conf i dence i nter val , Ex am pl e 6. 13 can be r ew r i tten
as f ol l ow s:
Ex a mple 6. 15 Conf i dence Inter val Added
l ef t ventr i cl e [26. 3 ± 2. 9 (SD) v s. 19. 5 ± 1. 5% i n 6 l am bs; 95% conf i dence
i nter val f or the di f f er ence = 3. 8–9. 8%, P < 0. 01].
When P val ues ar e gi ven af ter data, as i n Ex am pl e 6. 13, actual P val ues shoul d
be used both f or di f f er ences consi der ed si gni f i cant (f or ex am pl e, P < 0. 01) and
f or di f f er ences consi der ed not si gni f i cant (f or ex am pl e, P > 0. 75). Wr i ti ng “P >
0. 05” or “P = N S” i s not hel pf ul . Pr eci se val ues al l ow the r eader to i nter pr et
the data accuratel y. For ex am pl e, a P val ue of 0. 75 str ongl y i m pl i es absence of
a stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant di f f er ence, but a P val ue of 0. 06 pr obabl y does not.
Contrar y to popul ar bel i ef, P = 0. 05 i s not a har dandf ast cutof f poi nt.
Fi nal l y, note that the sam pl e si ze i s not w r i tten “n = 6.” The r eason i s that “n =
6” i s uncl ear. Is i t 6 l am bs? Si x ex per i m ents i n one l am b? Si x ex per i m ents i n 4
l am bs? So w hen descr i bi ng the sam pl e si ze, state not onl y the si ze of the
sam pl e (her e, 6) but al so w hat the sam pl e i s (her e, l am bs).
P. 168
SUMMARY OF GUIDELINES FOR RESULTS
FUNCTIONS
To state the r esul ts of the ex per i m ents descr i bed i n Mater i al s and Methods. To
ci te f i gur es or tabl es that pr esent suppor ti ng data.
STORY LINE
For hy pothesi stesti ng studi es i n w hi ch al l ex per i m ents ar e desi gned i n
advance, and al so f or descr i pti ve studi es and m ethods paper s, the Resul ts
secti on pr esents the thi r d step i n the stor y l i ne: the r esul ts.
For hy pothesi stesti ng studi es i n w hi ch one ex per i m ent deter m i nes w hat
the nex t ex per i m ent w i l l be, the Resul ts secti on descr i bes both the second
and the thi r d steps of the stor y l i ne: the ex per i m ents done and the r esul ts
f ound.
CONTENT
Repor t onl y r esul ts per ti nent to the questi on.
Incl ude r esul ts w hether or not they suppor t your hy pothesi s.
Incl ude contr ol r esul ts or data.
Keep data to a m i ni m um i n the tex t. Pr esent m ost data, i n par ti cul ar

i m por tant data, i n f i gur es and tabl es.
Pr esent data af ter stati ng the r esul t they suppor t, not i nstead of stati ng
the r esul t.
Gi ve a cl ear i dea of the m agni tude of a r esponse or a di f f er ence by

r epor ti ng per cent change or the per centage of di f f er ence rather than by
quoti ng ex act data.
If you assessed an i ndi cator of a var i abl e, descr i be r esul ts f or the

i ndi cator.
Be sur e that data ar e accurate and i nter nal l y consi stent.
For nor m al l y di str i buted data that have been anal y zed stati sti cal l y, r epor t
the m ean and a stati sti c that esti m ates the var i ati on f r om the m ean (f or
ex am pl e, the standar d dev i ati on) and speci f y w hi ch stati sti c you ar e
r epor ti ng. Al so gi ve the sam pl e si ze (n) and pr obabi l i ty val ues f or tests of
stati sti cal si gni f i cance. For nonnor m al l y di str i buted data that have been
anal y zed stati sti cal l y, r epor t the m edi an and the i nter quar ti l e range.
ORGANIZATION
For hy pothesi stesti ng studi es i n w hi ch al l the ex per i m ents ar e desi gned i n
advance, or gani ze the Resul ts secti on ei ther chr onol ogi cal l y or f r om m ost
to l east i m por tant. For m ost to l east i m por tant, put r esul ts that answ er
the questi on(s) at the begi nni ng of the Resul ts secti on or at the begi nni ng
of paragraph 1 and successi ve paragraphs.
For hy pothesi stesti ng studi es i n w hi ch one ex per i m ent deter m i nes w hat
the nex t ex per i m ent w i l l be, the Resul ts secti on i s or gani zed i n a
r epeati ng f our par t patter n: questi on, over v i ew of the ex per i m ents,
r esul ts, answ er to the questi on. If necessar y, back gr ound i ndi cati ng w hy
the questi on was asked and pur poses and r easons ex pl ai ni ng w hy the
ex per i m ent was done ar e al so i ncl uded.
EMPHASIS
In the Resul ts secti on, em phasi ze r esul ts.
In the Resul ts secti on of hy pothesi stesti ng studi es i n w hi ch one

ex per i m ent deter m i nes w hat the nex t ex per i m ent w i l l be, em phasi ze the
r esul ts by
P. 169
usi ng the si gnal “We f ound” at the begi nni ng of the f i r st sentence i n the
paragraph that states r esul ts.
In the Resul ts secti on of hy pothesi stesti ng studi es i n w hi ch al l the

ex per i m ents ar e desi gned i n advance, em phasi ze the r esul ts by
om i tti ng data f r om the tex t.
condensi ng the r esul ts to avoi d unnecessar y r epeti ti on.
om i tti ng f i gur e l egends and tabl e ti tl es and i nstead ci ti ng f i gur es and

tabl es i n par entheses af ter a sentence that states a r esul t.
subor di nati ng m ethods by m ak i ng m ethods the subject of the

sentence or by putti ng them i n a transi ti on phrase or cl ause.
subor di nati ng contr ol r esul ts by descr i bi ng contr ol r esul ts al ong w i th

or af ter the ex per i m ental r esul ts w henever possi bl e, not bef or e
ex per i m ental r esul ts.
putti ng i m por tant r esul ts f i r st.
usi ng topi c sentences to gi ve over v i ew.
LENGTH
Keep the Resul ts secti on br i ef and uncl utter ed so that the r eader can see
the f or est f or the tr ees.
DETAILS
Menti on the study subjects or the ani m al s and the m ater i al studi ed at l east
once i n the Resul ts secti on, pr ef erabl y i n the f i r st sentence.
U se A, B, C, etc., to i denti f y i ndi v i dual hum an subjects, or 1, 2, 3, etc.,

f or m or e than 26 subjects.
Repor t r esul ts of hy pothesi stesti ng studi es and of tests of new m ethods i n

m ethods paper s i n past tense. Repor t r esul ts of descr i pti ve studi es i n
pr esent tense.
When com par i ng r esul ts, do not use “com par ed w i th.” In par ti cul ar, avoi d
am bi guous com par i sons such as “X was i ncr eased com par ed w i th Y.”
Di sti ngui sh betw een “coul d not” and “di d not” and betw een “di d not” and
“f ai l ed to.”
Quanti f y qual i tati ve ter m s such as “m ar kedl y.”
U se “si gni f i cant” and “si gni f i cantl y ” f or stati sti cal si gni f i cance.
Wr i te m eans and standar d dev i ati ons i n the f or m “48. 7 ± 1. 3 (SD) m l .”

U se a si m i l ar f or m f or m eans and standar d er r or s of the m ean.
For stati sti cal com par i sons, i f a si ngl e stati sti c (f or ex am pl e, standar d
dev i ati on) and a si ngl e sam pl e si ze (n) appl y to al l the data and ar e
i denti f i ed cl ear l y i n the Methods secti on, do not r epeat these detai l s each
ti m e you gi ve data; m enti on them onl y the f i r st ti m e.
If pr obabi l i ty val ues ar e gi ven i n f i gur es or tabl es, do not gi ve them i n the
tex t.
Gi ve actual P val ues both f or si gni f i cant and f or nonsi gni f i cant di f f er ences.
Do not w r i te “n = .” Speci f y not onl y the sam pl e si ze but al so w hat the

sam pl e i s (f or ex am pl e, “i n 16 rabbi ts”).
P. 170
EXERCISE 6.1: RESULTS

1. Re w rite pa ra gra ph 1 OR pa ra gra ph 6.
In this c linic a l s tudy the re w e re 2 die ts (prote in a nd mix e d) but only 1

group of s ubje c ts . Subje c ts a te one die t for 21 da ys a nd the n the
othe r die t for 21 da ys .
P a ra gra ph 1 ha s 242 w ords . Conde ns e it to fe w e r tha n 75 w ords .
Do not omit a ny of the 5 va ria ble s .
De c ide how to de s c ribe the re s ults —the w hole time c ours e , only the
la s t da y, or both.
IMP ORTANT: Re vis e Figure 1 s o tha t a ll the da ta a re inc lude d.
P a ra gra ph 6 ma k e s a c ontra s t be tw e e n the tw o die ts , but the

c ontra s t is not c le a r.
In your re vis ion, s ta te the c ontra s t in a s ingle , s hort s e nte nc e (topic

s e nte nc e ).
G ive de ta ils in s upporting s e nte nc e s .
It ma y be e a s ie r to ba s e your re vis ion on the da ta s how n in Figure 5

tha n on w ha t is w ritte n in pa ra gra ph 6.
Note : “ Supine ” me a ns lying on your ba c k .
2. Cons ide ring the princ iple s of w riting Re s ults a nd princ iple s of
pa ra gra ph s truc ture (s e e Cha p. 3), w hic h is the be s t pa ra gra ph in this
Re s ults s e c tion a nd w hy?
The que s tion this pa pe r a s k s is , “ Are nitroge n a nd s odium ba la nc e a nd
s ympa the tic ne rvous a c tivity (a s s e s s e d by me a s uring blood pre s s ure a nd
nore pine phrine c onc e ntra tion a fte r pos tura l c ha nge s ) improve d w he n
obe s e s ubje c ts e a t a pure prote in die t ra the r tha n a mix e d c a rbohydra te
a nd prote in die t?” Ea c h of the s e ve n s ubje c ts w a s on e a c h die t for 21
da ys .
Re s ults
1 Subs tra te a nd Hormone Le ve ls
AFigure 1 s how s the me a n s e rum a nd urina ry k e tone a c ids a nd c ha nge s in

the pla s ma c onc e ntra tion of ins ulin in s ubje c ts re c e iving the tw o die ts .
BBlood k e tone a c ids during the pure prote in die t re a c he d a pla te a u a t a
le ve l tw ic e tha t re a c he d a fte r the c a rbohydra te c onta ining die t. CTota l
blood k e tone a c ids on Da y 21 w e re 1. 94 ± 0. 23 mmol on the prote in die t
a nd 1. 08 ± 0. 12 mmol on the mix e d die t (P < 0. 001). DDa ily urina ry
e x c re tion of k e tone a c id inc re a s e d by Da y 21 to 50. 9 ± 12. 5 mmol pe r 24
hours for the prote in die t a nd 10. 2 ± 2. 9 mmol pe r 24 hours for the mix e d
die t (P < 0. 02). EP la s ma ins ulin, w hic h ha d a ba s a l le ve l of 32 ± 6 µU pe r
millilite r (32 ± 6 × 10 2 IU pe r lite r) w ith the prote in die t a nd 29 ± 5 µU
pe r millilite r (29 ± 5 × 10 2 IU pe r lite r) w ith the mix e d die t, ha d a
thre e fold gre a te r de c line w he n c a rbohydra te w a s e limina te d [14 ± 5 µU
pe r millilite r (14 ± 5 × 10 2 IU pe r lite r)] on Da y 21 (P < 0. 05).
P . 171
FThe re w e re no s ignific a nt c ha nge s in the pla s ma c onc e ntra tion of
gluc a gon w ith e ithe r die t. G Me a n pla s ma gluc os e w a s s ignific a ntly gre a te r
on Da y 21 of the mix e d die t [76 ± 2 mg pe r de c ilite r (4. 2 ± 0. 11 mmol)]
tha n it w a s a fte r the prote in die t [71 ± 2 mg pe r de c ilite r (3. 9 ± 0. 11
mmol)] (P < 0. 005).
Figure 1. Blood k e tone a c ids ,

urine k e tone a c ids , a nd
c ha nge s in pla s ma ins ulin
during inge s tion of a 400k c a l
prote in die t a nd a 400k c a l
mix e d die t (50% prote in a nd
50% c a rbohydra te ).
2 Nitroge n Ba la nc e
HFigure 2 s how s the a ve ra ge da ily nitroge n ba la nc e for e a c h die t re gime n.

IMe a n da ily nitroge n ba la nc e in s ubje c ts re c e iving the mix e d die t, 2. 6 ±
0. 4 g pe r da y, w a s not s ignific a ntly diffe re nt from tha t obs e rve d a fte r the
pure prote in die t, 2. 1 ± 0. 9 g pe r da y. JW ith both die t re gime ns , nitroge n
ba la nc e w a s more ne ga tive during the firs t w e e k (4. 6 ± 0. 3 g pe r da y on
the mix e d die t a nd 4. 9 ± 0. 5 g pe r da y on the pure prote in die t) tha n
during the la s t w e e k (1. 6 ± 0. 3 g pe r da y on the mix e d die t a nd 1. 0 ± 0. 6
g pe r da y on
P . 172
the pure prote in die t). KHow e ve r, the re s pons e s w e re not s ignific a ntly
diffe re nt w ith the tw o die ts during the firs t or la s t w e e k (P > 0. 1). LTo
de te rmine w he the r prote in die ts re s ult in be tte r nitroge n ba la nc e if give n
for more prolonge d pe riods , one s ubje c t w a s give n e a c h die t for a 5½
w e e k pe riod. MAs s how n in Figure 3, da ily nitroge n ba la nc e during the
mix e d die t w a s s imila r to tha t obs e rve d during the pure prote in die t.
NAlthough the prote in die t re s ulte d initia lly in a gre a te r ne ga tive nitroge n
ba la nc e , be yond tw o to thre e w e e k s the ne t nitroge n los s e s w e re
c ompa ra ble , a nd the y be c a me ze ro a fte r four to five w e e k s of e a c h die t
re gime n.
3 Sodium a nd Othe r Mine ra l Ba la nc e s
OFigure 4 c ompa re s the tota l c umula tive s odium ba la nc e obs e rve d for e a c h
s ubje c t during the mix e ddie t a nd prote indie t pe riods . P The me a n
c umula tive s odium los s during prote in c ons umption, 382 ± 117 mmol, w a s
s ignific a ntly gre a te r tha n tha t obs e rve d w ith the mix e d die t, 25 ± 105
mmol (P < 0. 02). QIn c ontra s t, the re w e re no s ignific a nt diffe re nc e s in
othe r mine ra l ba la nc e s be tw e e n the tw o die ts (prote in die t vs . mix e d die t:
pota s s ium, 21 ± 51 mmol vs . 13 ± 33 mmol; c a lc ium, 159. 5 ± 9. 5 mmol vs .
136 ± 9 mmol; ma gne s ium, 14 ± 3. 5 mmol vs . 7 ± 2. 5 mmol;
phos phorus , 145 ± 50 mmol vs . 127 ± 26 mmol).
4 W e ight Los s
RTota l w e ight los s re s ulting from a pure prote in die t, 10. 2 ± 1. 0 k g, w a s

20% gre a te r tha n tha t s e e n a fte r the mix e d die t, 8. 0 ± 0. 8 k g (P < 0. 02).
SHow e ve r, the c a lc ula te d w e ight los s a ttributa ble to fluid los s e s w ith the
prote in die t, 2. 5 ± 0. 8 k g, w a s s ignific a ntly gre a te r tha n tha t w ith the
mix e d die t, 0. 2 ± 0. 7 k g (P < 0. 02). T Cons e que ntly, the e s tima te d nonfluid
w e ight los s w ith the prote in die t, 7. 7 ± 0. 2 k g, w a s no diffe re nt from tha t
w ith the mix e d die t, 7. 8 ± 0. 1 k g.
5 Blood P re s s ure
U Bloodpre s s ure va lue s me a s ure d w ith the pa tie nt s upine did not c ha nge
s ignific a ntly from c ontrol (pre die t) le ve ls w ith e ithe r the pure prote in die t
(119 ± 5 / 72 ± 4 vs . 114 ± 2 / 69 ± 2 mmHg) or the mix e d die t (114 ± 3 /
71 ± 3 vs . 114 ± 2 / 69 ± 3). V How e ve r, w ith the pure prote in die t the
me a n ma x ima l fa ll in s ys tolic blood pre s s ure a fte r s ta nding, 28 ± 3 mmHg,
w a s s ignific a ntly gre a te r tha n tha t w ith the mix e d die t, 18 ± 3 mmHg (P <
0. 02). W The e x a gge ra te d pos tura l de c line in s ys tolic blood pre s s ure during
pure prote in c ons umption w a s a c c ompa nie d by a n inc re a s e in a dve rs e
s ymptoms a s de te rmine d from the
P . 173
da ily que s tionna ire . X Although only one of the s e ve n s ubje c ts re porte d
s ymptoms of pos tura l hypote ns ion w hile re c e iving the mix e d die t, a ll
s e ve n s ubje c ts note d s uc h s ymptoms w hile on the pure prote in die t.
6 P la s ma Nore pine phrine
Y The pla s ma le ve ls of nore pine phrine be fore a nd a fte r e a c h die t, me a s ure d

w ith the s ubje c t s upine a nd s ta nding, a re illus tra te d in Figure 5. Z The ris e
in pla s ma nore pine phrine in re s pons e to s ta nding w ith the hypoc a loric
mix e d die t w a s no diffe re nt from tha t obs e rve d be fore initia tion of die t
the ra py. AA In c ontra s t, the nore pine phrine le ve ls me a s ure d w ith the
s ubje c t s upine a nd a fte r the s ubje c t ha d s tood for 2 minute s w e re
s ignific a ntly low e r a fte r the prote in die t tha n be fore the initia tion of die t
the ra py. B B How e ve r, a fte r s ubje c ts ha d s tood for 5 a nd 10 minute s , the
ris e in pla s ma nore pine phrine w a s c ompa ra ble to tha t obs e rve d in the
pre die t pe riod.
Figure 5.
P la s ma
nore pine phrine
le ve ls in the
ba s a l, s upine
s ta te a nd a fte r
2, 5, a nd 10
minute s of
s ta nding in
obe s e s ubje c ts
in the pre die t
(c ontrol) s tudy
a nd a fte r 21
da ys of the
mix e d die t a nd
the prote in
die t. The
pla s ma
nore pine phrine
le ve ls
me a s ure d w ith
the pa tie nt
s upine a nd
s ta nding w e re
virtua lly
ide ntic a l in the
pre die t
(c ontrol) s tudy
pe rforme d
be fore e a c h of
the tw o te s t
die ts a nd a re
c ons e que ntly
c ombine d in
this figure . * P
< 0. 05 a s
c ompa re d w ith
the pre die t
va lue s (pa ire d
tte s t).
Hi de Answ er
Re s ults
P a ra gra ph 1
Re vis ion (Laundr y l i st; poi nt of v i ew : dependent

1 var i abl e)
Bl ood and ur i ne ketone aci ds of the seven obese subjects i ncr eased
m or e af ter 21 day s of the pr otei n di et than af ter 21 day s of the
m i xed di et (Fi g. 1). Pl asm a i nsul i n l evel s and m ean pl asm a gl ucose
both decr eased m or e af ter the pr otei n di et than af ter the m i xed di et.
Pl asm a gl ucagon di d not change af ter ei ther di et.
(56 w or ds)
Re vis ion 2 (Tw o sentences i nstead of thr ee)
Af ter the 21day pr otei n di et, bl ood and ur i ne ketone aci ds i ncr eased
m or e and pl asm a i nsul i n and gl ucose decr eased m or e than af ter the
21day m i xed di et i n the seven obese subjects (Fi g. 1). Pl asm a
gl ucagon l evel s w er e no di f f er ent.
(40 w or ds)
Re vis ion (Ef f ects and com par i sons separated; poi nt of
3 v i ew : i ndependent var i abl e)
Both di ets i ncr eased bl ood and ur i ne ketone aci ds i n the seven obese
subjects af ter 21 day s, but the pur e pr otei n di et caused l ar ger
i ncr eases than the m i xed di et di d (Fi g. 1). Both di ets decr eased
pl asm a i nsul i n and pl asm a gl ucose; agai n, the pur e pr otei n di et had a
gr eater ef f ect. N ei ther di et changed pl asm a gl ucagon.
(53 w or ds)
Re vis ion 4 (Topi c sentence added)
Subs tra te a nd hormone le ve ls in the s e ve n obe s e s ubje c ts w e re

a lte re d more by the 21da y prote in die t tha n by the 21da y mix e d
die t. Speci f i cal l y, bl ood and ur i ne ketone aci ds i ncr eased m or e af ter
the pr otei n di et than af ter the m i xed di et (Fi g. 1). Pl asm a i nsul i n
concentrati ons and pl asm a gl ucose concentrati ons decr eased m or e
af ter the pr otei n di et than af ter the m i xed di et. Pl asm a gl ucagon
concentrati ons w er e not changed af ter ei ther di et.
(71 w or ds)
Re vis ion 5 (Topi c sentence onl y )
Substrate and hor m one l evel s i n the seven obese subjects w er e

al ter ed m or e by the 21day pr otei n di et than by the 21day m i xed
di et (Fi g. 1).
(27 w or ds)
N ote: We do not actual l y k now i f gl ucose decr eased—onl y that i t w as

l ess af ter the pr otei n di et.
Conde ns ing Te c hnique s

The f i r st thr ee r ev i si ons condense par agr aph 1 f r om 242 w or ds to 40–
56 w or ds by
om i tti ng al l data f r om the tex t.
addi ng gr aphs f or gl ucose and gl ucagon to Fi gur e 1.
hangi ng the gr aph f or pl asm a i nsul i n to actual v al ues, not

changes f r om basel i ne, thus av oi di ng the need to gi v e basel i ne
v al ues i n the tex t.
descr i bi ng tw o or thr ee v ar i abl es i n one sentence.
om i tti ng the f i gur e l egend at the begi nni ng of the par agr aph and
ci ti ng the f i gur e at the end of the f i r st r esul t.
om i tti ng r epeti ti on of “day 21. ”
Cha nge s in Continuity
“Pr otei n di et, ” not “w hen car bohy dr ate w as el i m i nated” (or i gi nal
sentence E).
“Mi x ed di et, ” not “car bohy dr atecontai ni ng di et” (or i gi nal

sentence B). (Si m i l ar l y , i f the data w er e k ept i n the tex t, the
uni t of m easur em ent f or k etone aci ds shoul d be the sam e i n the
tex t and i n the f i gur e, not m m ol i n the tex t and m M i n the
f i gur e).
The or der of com par i sons i s consi stent: al l com par i sons ar e
f r om the pr otei n di et to the m i x ed di et. (In the or i gi nal v er si on,
the com par i son f or gl ucose i s f r om the m i x ed di et to the pr otei n
di et. Som e r eader s pr obabl y m i sr ead thi s com par i son as say i ng
that pl asm a gl ucose w as gr eater af ter the pr otei n di et than af ter
the m i x ed di et. )
BEST P ARAG RAP H
Par agr aphs 3 and 4 ar e pr obabl y the best par agr aphs i n thi s Resul ts
secti on. How ev er , m ost r eader s thi nk par agr aphs 4 and 5 ar e the
best, pr obabl y because these ar e the onl y tw o par agr aphs that do not
begi n w i th a f i gur e l egend.
Par agr aph 4 has m any str engths. It i s shor t, i t begi ns w i th a r esul t
(not a f i gur e l egend), data and stati sti cal detai l s ar e subor di nated
(though the data shoul d be separ ated f r om the r esul ts by
par entheses, not by com m as), and an i dea of the m agni tude of a
di f f er ence i s gi v en (“20% gr eater ”). In addi ti on, k ey ter m s nam i ng
the di ets ar e consi stent, the poi nt of v i ew i n the thr ee sentences i s
consi stent, the thr ee sentences ar e appr opr i atel y i n par al l el f or m , the
topi c of each sentence i s si gnal ed by the k ey ter m at the begi nni ng,
and tr ansi ti on w or ds ar e used to i ndi cate the l ogi cal r el ati onshi ps
betw een the sentences. How ev er , the l ogi c i s not r i gor ous. The
“how ev er ” at the begi nni ng of the second sentence r eal l y appl i es to
the i dea i n the thi r d sentence. Thus, the l ast tw o sentences shoul d
r ead, “How ev er , because the cal cul ated w ei ght l oss attr i butabl e to
f l ui d l osses af ter the pr otei n di et w as al so gr eater than that af ter the
m i x ed di et, the esti m ated nonf l ui d w ei ght l oss af ter the pr otei n di et
w as no di f f er ent f r om that af ter the m i x ed di et. ”
Par agr aph 5 i s not as cl ear as par agr aph 4. Par agr aph 5 has som e of
the sam e str engths as par agr aph 4. It begi ns w i th a r esul t, i t
subor di nates data, and i t k eeps the nam es of the di ets consi stent.
How ev er , par agr aph 5 has a conf usi ng l ack of si gnal s of the topi c at
the begi nni ng of the f i r st tw o sentences, w hi ch m ak es the contr ast
di f f i cul t to see. In addi ti on, the poi nt of v i ew i n the tw o sentences i s
di f f er ent: sentence U , bl ood pr essur e v al ues; sentence V, f al l i n
sy stol i c bl ood pr essur e. Fi nal l y , “ex agger ated postur al decl i ne” i s
unnecessar i l y f ancy and changes the k ey ter m . Thi s par agr aph can be
w r i tten m or e cl ear l y and si m pl y as f ol l ow s:
5 When the subjects w er e supi ne, bl ood pr essur e was not

si gni f i cantl y di f f er ent f r om pr edi et val ues af ter ei ther the pr otei n di et
(119 ± 5/72 ± 4 v s. 114 ± 2/69 ± 2 m m Hg) or the m i xed di et (114 ±
3/71 ± 3 v s. 114 ± 2/69 ± 3 m m Hg). How ever, w hen the subjects
stood f or 2, 5, or 10 m i n, bl ood pr essur e decr eased m or e af ter the
pr otei n di et than af ter the m i xed di et (by 28 ± 3 v s. 18 ± 3 m m Hg, P
< 0. 02). The decr ease i n bl ood pr essur e was accom pani ed by an
i ncr ease i n adver se sy m ptom s i n al l seven subjects af ter the pr otei n
di et but i n onl y one of the seven subjects af ter the m i xed di et.
Reader s r ar el y choose par agr aph 3 as the best par agr aph i n thi s
Resul ts secti on, pr obabl y because i t begi ns w i th a f i gur e l egend and
contai ns a l ot of data. How ev er , i f the f i r st sentence (f i gur e l egend)
i s om i tted, par agr aph 3 i s qui te cl ear . The i m por tant r esul t—the
m i ner al bal ance that changed—i s gi v en f i r st (sentence P). Then the
m i ner al bal ances that di d not change ar e gr ouped i n a si ngl e
statem ent (sentence Q). Al though the data ar e num er ous, they ar e
l i sted at the end of the par agr aph, so r eader s can stop r eadi ng i f
they ar e not i nter ested. A separ ate tabl e f or these data i s not
adv i sabl e because these data do not hel p answ er the questi on.
Par agr aph 2 i s not the best par agr aph because i t contai ns a f ai r
am ount of i nf or m ati on that can be om i tted or condensed. The f i r st
sentence i s a f i gur e l egend, w hi ch i s unnecessar y . Sentences I–K can
be condensed by about onethi r d. For ex am pl e, “N ei ther m ean dai l y
ni tr ogen bal ance nor the ni tr ogen bal ance dur i ng the f i r st or l ast
w eek of the pr otei n di et w as si gni f i cantl y di f f er ent f r om the
cor r espondi ng v al ues f or the m i x ed di et (m ean, 2. 1 ± 0. 9 v s. 2. 6
± 0. 4 g per day ; f i r st w eek , 4. 9 ± 0. 5 v s. 4. 6 ± 0. 3 g per day ; and
l ast w eek , 1. 0 ± 0. 6 v s. 1. 6 ± 0. 3 g per day , P > 0. 1). How ev er ,
ni tr ogen bal ance w as m or e negati v e dur i ng the f i r st w eek than dur i ng
the l ast w eek . ” Sentence L states a m ethod. The m ethod shoul d be
subor di nated to the r esul t i n the nex t sentence. For ex am pl e, “In the
subject gi v en each di et f or 5½ w eek s, dai l y ni tr ogen bal ance w as
si m i l ar af ter the tw o di ets (Fi g. 3). ”
Another questi on that can be r ai sed about thi s Resul ts secti on i s

w hether the or der of the par agr aphs i s opti m al . The topi cs i n the
questi on ar e ni tr ogen and sodi um bal ance and bl ood pr essur e and
nor epi nephr i ne, so these ar e the topi cs w e w oul d ex pect to see i n the
Resul ts secti on. Why the Resul ts secti on begi ns w i th substr ate and
hor m one l ev el s i s not cl ear . Si m i l ar l y , w hy w ei ght l oss com es af ter
r esul ts f or ni tr ogen and sodi um bal ance and bef or e r esul ts f or bl ood
pr essur e and nor epi nephr i ne i s not cl ear .
P a ra gra ph 6
Rev i si on 1 (Poi nt of v i ew : dependent var i abl e)
Pl asm a nor epi nephr i ne concentrati ons, one of our i ndi cator s of
sy m patheti c ner vous acti v i ty, f el l bel ow pr edi et val ues af ter the
pr otei n di et but not af ter the m i xed di et. How ever, the l ow er
concentrati ons occur r ed onl y w hen the subjects l ay supi ne or af ter
the subjects stood f or 2 m i n (Fi g. 5). Af ter the subjects stood f or 5 or
10 m i n, the pl asm a nor epi nephr i ne concentrati ons w er e no di f f er ent
f r om those bef or e the di et.
(67 w or ds)
Rev i si on 2 (Poi nt of v i ew i n the topi c sentence: i ndependent var i abl e)
Onl y the pr otei n di et had an ef f ect on pl asm a nor epi nephr i ne. Af ter
the pr otei n di et, pl asm a nor epi nephr i ne concentrati ons, one of our
i ndi cator s of sy m patheti c ner vous acti v i ty, w er e l ow er than bef or e
the di et both w hen subjects w er e supi ne and af ter they stood f or 2
m i n (Fi g. 5). How ever, af ter the subjects stood f or 5 or 10 m i n, the
concentrati ons w er e equal to those bef or e the pr otei n di et.
(65 w or ds)
Cha nge s in Conte nt
Each r ev i si on m ak es the contr ast cl ear i n a topi c sentence.

Si nce each topi c sentence i ndi cates that the m i x ed di et had no
ef f ect on nor epi nephr i ne concentr ati ons, i t i s unnecessar y to
gi v e detai l s of r esul ts f or the m i x ed di et. Thus, both r ev i si ons
condense the r esul ts.
Al l r esul ts ar e about concentr ati ons, not som e about

concentr ati ons (or i gi nal sentence AA) and som e about i ncr eases
i n the concentr ati ons (or i gi nal sentences Z and BB). Thus, the
contr ast i s cl ear .
In addi ti on, the r ev i si ons condense par agr aph 6 (f r om 104 w or ds

to 67 or 65 w or ds) by om i tti ng the f i gur e l egend and ci ti ng the
f i gur e af ter the f i r st speci f i c r esul t, and by om i tti ng
unnecessar y w or ds.
Pl asm a nor epi nephr i ne i s i denti f i ed as an i ndi cator of

sy m patheti c ner v ous acti v i ty (by the techni que of l i nk i ng k ey
ter m s), thus m ak i ng the connecti on to the questi on cl ear .
Figure Cita tion
In both r ev i si ons, the f i gur e coul d be ci ted af ter the topi c sentence,
si nce the topi c sentence gi v es a speci f i c r esul t. But si nce the second
sentence r ef i nes the poi nt m ade i n the topi c sentence, by l i m i ti ng the
change to tw o ti m e per i ods, ci ti ng the f i gur e af ter the second
sentence gi v es the r eader a better i dea of w hat to l ook f or i n the
f i gur e.
Cha nge in Continuity

The pr otei n di et i s m enti oned bef or e the m i x ed di et, so the or der i n
the com par i son i s the sam e as that i n par agr aphs 1, 3, 4, and 5.
W ord Choic e
In the or i gi nal v er si on, “w i th” i n “i n r esponse to standi ng w i th

the hy pocal or i c m i x ed di et” (sentence Z) i s not cl ear .
In the or i gi nal v er si on, “obser v ed” (sentence Z) and “i ni ti ati on

of ” and “ther apy ” (sentences Z and AA) ar e unnecessar y .
P. 174
EXERCISE 6.2: RESULTS

In this bioc he mis try s tudy, a s e que nc e of s e ve n e x pe rime nts w a s
done , e a c h de te rmine d by the re s ults of the pre vious e x pe rime nt. Ea c h
e x pe rime nt (or s e t of e x pe rime nts ) a nd its re s ults a re de s c ribe d in a
s ingle pa ra gra ph. Thus , e a c h pa ra gra ph s hould follow the fourpa rt
pa tte rn: que s tion, e x pe rime nt, re s ults , a ns w e r.
The proble m in this Re s ults s e c tion is tha t the s tory line is not c le a r;
c ontinuity be tw e e n pa ra gra phs ge ts w e a k e r a nd w e a k e r a s the re s ults
s e c tion progre s s e s . The c ontinuity be tw e e n pa ra gra phs 1 a nd 2 is
tole ra ble , be tw e e n 2 a nd 3 is w e a k , be tw e e n 3 a nd 4 is w e a k e r, a nd
be tw e e n 4 a nd 5 is none x is te nt.
The re a s on for the w e a k c ontinuity is tha t, in e a c h pa ra gra ph, the que s tion
is mis s ing or not s ta te d pre c is e ly, the a ns w e r is mis s ing, or both. In
a ddition, s ome time s ba c k ground or a purpos e or a re a s on is mis s ing.
Ma k e the s tory line c le a r by providing s tronge r c ontinuity in pa ra gra phs 1–

5.
1. In your re vis ion, s upply the mis s ing informa tion (que s tion,
ba c k ground, purpos e , re a s on) a t the be ginning of a pa ra gra ph or the
mis s ing a ns w e r a t the e nd of a pa ra gra ph, or both, s o tha t the s tory
line is c le a r throughout this Re s ults s e c tion.
Ke e p in mind tha t c ontinuity us ua lly re quire s re pe a ting k e y

te rms .
Als o notic e the que s tion of the pa pe r (s e e be low ). The que s tions
a nd a ns w e rs in e a c h pa ra gra ph s hould re la te to the que s tion of
the pa pe r.
2. In a ddition, a dd the mis s ing que s tion a nd e x pe rime nt a t the

be ginning of pa ra gra ph 1.
Que s tion: Are the s igna l tra ns duc tion me c ha nis ms for a c tiva tion of
phos pholipa s e C by the pote nt mitoge ns thrombin a nd P DG F in va s c ula r
s mooth muc s c le c e lls diffe re nt from e a c h othe r?
P DG F = pla te le tde rive d grow th fa c tor.
Thrombin is a n e nzyme in s he d blood tha t c onve rts fibrinoge n to

fibrin.
Mitoge n = a c a te gory te rm for thrombin a nd P DG F.

IP 3 , IP 2 , a nd IP a re produc ts of the e nzyma tic re a c tion c a ta lyze d by
phos pholipa s e C.
Re s ults
1. AThrombin (1 U /ml) ra pidly inc re a s e d produc tion of IP 3 , IP 2 , a nd IP

in a s e que ntia l ma nne r. BThe inc re a s e s in IP 3 a nd IP 2 w e re tra ns ie nt,
re a c hing a pe a k a t 30 a nd 60 s , re s pe c tive ly, a nd de c lining to ne a r
pre s timula tory va lue s w ithin 5 min (Fig. 1). CIn ma rk e d c ontra s t to
thrombin, P DG F (7. 5 nM) c a us e d a s us ta ine d inc re a s e in a ll thre e
me ta bolite s for 6 min of s timula tion. DCons is te nt w ith the time
c ours e for IP 3 produc tion, thrombin c a us e d a tra ns ie nt inc re a s e in
intra c e llula r [Ca 2+ ], w he re a s P DG F c a us e d a s us ta ine d inc re a s e (Fig.

2). E The diffe re nt time c ours e s of the inc re a s e s induc e d by thrombin
a nd by P DG F ra is e the pos s ibility tha t the s igna l tra ns duc tion
me c ha nis ms for the s e tw o mitoge ns might be diffe re nt.
2. FTo s tudy the s igna l tra ns duc tion me c ha nis m for the tw o mitoge ns ,
w e us e d pe rtus s is tox in, w hic h modifie s the func tion of s ome G
prote ins . G P e rtus s is tox in s ignific a ntly blunte d the thrombininduc e d
inc re a s e s in IP 3 (Fig. 1)
P . 175
a nd intra c e llula r[Ca 2+ ]
(Fig. 2), indic a ting a role for a G prote in in
thrombininduc e d c e llula r re s pons e s . HIn c ontra s t, pe rtus s is tox in did
not a ffe c t the P DG Finduc e d inc re a s e s in e ithe r IP 3 (Fig. 1) or
intra c e llula r [Ca 2+ ] (Fig. 2).
3. ITo a s k w he the r the pe rtus s is tox inins e ns itive me c ha nis m for P DG F

a ls o involve s a G prote in, w e e x a mine d the e ffe c t of G TP γS, a s ta ble
G TP a na log, on IP 3 re le a s e in s a poninpe rme a bilize d va s c ula r s mooth
mus c le c e lls . JG TP γS ha s be e n s how n to pote ntia te ma ny G prote in
me dia te d re s pons e s by dire c t a c tiva tion of the G prote in (15–17).
KW e found tha t in pe rme a bilize d va s c ula r s mooth mus c le c e lls , G TP γS
inc re a s e d IP 3 re le a s e s yne rgis tic a lly w ith both thrombin a nd P DG F
(Fig. 3). LThus , lik e thrombin, P DG F re quire s a G prote in for a c tiva tion
of phos pholipa s e C.
4. MBe c a us e gua nos ine 5′ O(2thiodiphos pha te ) (G DP βS) a tte nua te s G

prote in–me dia te d c e llula r re s pons e s by c ompe ting w ith G TP for
binding (18), w e te s te d G DP βS. NIn s upport of the notion tha t a G
prote in is involve d in the s igna l tra ns duc tion for P DG F, G DP βS blunte d
P DG Finduc e d IP 3 re le a s e in pe rme a bilize d c e lls (Fig. 4). OThus ,
w he re a s thrombin us e s a pe rtus s is tox ins e ns itive G prote in a s a
s igna l tra ns duc e r to a c tiva te phos pholipa s e C in va s c ula r s mooth
mus c le c e lls , P DG F a ppe a rs to us e a pe rtus s is tox inins e ns itive G
prote in.
5. P Ne x t w e te s te d the prote in k ina s e C s timula tor, phorbol 12

myris ta te 13a c e ta te (P MA), w hic h blunts G prote in–me dia te d
a c tiva tion of phos pholipa s e C in s ome s ys te ms (19). QW e found tha t
in va s c ula r s mooth mus c le c e lls P MA s trongly inhibite d thrombin
induc e d, but not P DG Finduc e d, IP 3 re le a s e (Fig. 5). RP MA did not
a ffe c t ba s a l re le a s e of IP 3 (200 vs . 215 c pm/dis h). SCons is te nt w ith
its e ffe c t on IP 3 re le a s e , P MA blunte d thrombininduc e d, but not
P DG Finduc e d, Ca 2+ mobiliza tion (Fig. 6). T This e ffe c t of P MA re quire s

func tiona l prote in k ina s e C, s inc e P MA did not inhibit thrombin
induc e d Ca 2+ mobiliza tion in c e lls tha t w e re ma de de fic ie nt in prote in
k ina s e C a c tivity (da ta not s how n).
6. U Sinc e
P MA ha s be e n s ugge s te d to a c t on s e ve ra l ta rge ts , inc luding
the binding of a hormone to its re c e ptor, w e pe rforme d re c e ptor
binding s tudie s us ing 125 Ithrombin to s e e if thrombin re c e ptors a re
the ta rge t of P MA. V Ac ute P MA tre a tme nt did not a ffe c t e ithe r the
dis s oc ia tion c ons ta nt (K D ) for thrombin or the ma x ima l binding (B ma x )
for thrombin (Fig. 7). W Thus , P MA mus t a c t by inte rfe ring w ith one or
more e ve nts dis ta l to the binding of thrombin to its re c e ptor.
7. X Anothe r pos s ible ta rge t for P MA a c tion is the G prote in its e lf. Y To
inve s tiga te this pos s ibility, w e e x a mine d the e ffe c t of P MA on G TP γS
induc e d inos itol phos pha te re le a s e . Z G TP γS c a us e d a progre s s ive
re le a s e of inos itol phos pha te , w hic h w a s inhibite d by 55% by P MA
tre a tme nt (Fig. 8), s ugge s ting tha t P MA inhibits thrombininduc e d
c e llula r re s pons e s by a ffe c ting the func tion of the G prote in dire c tly.
Hi de Answ er
Re s ults
Re vis ion
1. AW e w a nte d to de te rmine w he the r the s igna l tra ns duc tion

me c ha nis ms for a c tiva tion of phos pholipa s e C by thrombin
a nd P DG F in va s c ula r s mooth mus c le c e lls a re diffe re nt from
e a c h othe r. A'Sinc e both thrombin a nd P DG F a ffe c t
phos pholipid me ta bolis m (re f), w e firs t e x a mine d the time
c ours e for produc tion of IP 3 , IP 2 , a nd IP , thre e produc ts of
the e nzyma tic re a c tion c a ta lyze d by phos pholipa s e C, in
re s pons e to thrombin a nd P DG F. A”We f ound that thr om bi n (1
U /m l ) rapi dl y i ncr eased pr oducti on of IP 3 , IP 2 , and IP i n a
sequenti al m anner. BThe i ncr eases i n IP 3 and IP 2 pr oducti on
w er e transi ent, r eachi ng a peak at 30 and 60 s, r especti vel y,
and decl i ni ng to near pr esti m ul ator y val ues w i thi n 5 m i n (Fi g.
1). CIn m ar ked contrast to thr om bi n, PDGF (7. 5 nM) caused a
sustai ned i ncr ease i n the pr oducti on of al l thr ee m etabol i tes f or
6 m i n of sti m ul ati on. DNe x t, be c a us e IP 3 c a us e s the re le a s e
of c a lc ium from intra c e llula r s tora ge , w e e x a mine d the time
c ours e for c a lc ium mobiliza tion. D'Consi stent w i th the ti m e
cour se f or IP 3 pr oducti on, thr om bi n caused a transi ent i ncr ease
i n i ntracel l ul ar [Ca 2 + ], w her eas PDGF caused a sustai ned

i ncr ease (Fi g. 2). EThe di f f er ent ti m e cour ses of the i ncr eases
i nduced by thr om bi n and by PDGF suggest that the si gnal
tr ansducti on m echani sm s f or acti v ati on of phosphol i pase C by
these tw o m i togens m i ght be di f f er ent.
2. FOne diffe re nc e be tw e e n the s igna l tra ns duc tion

me c ha nis ms might re la te to the involve me nt of G prote ins .
F'To deter m i ne w hether G pr otei ns ar e i nvol ved, w e used
per tussi s tox i n, w hi ch m odi f i es the f uncti on of som e G pr otei ns.
GWe f ound that per tussi s tox i n si gni f i cantl y bl unted the
thr om bi ni nduced i ncr eases i n IP 3 (Fi g. 1) and i ntracel l ul ar
[Ca 2 + ] (Fi g. 2), i ndi cati ng that a per tussi s tox i n–sensi ti v e G
pr otei n i s i nv ol v ed i n the si gnal tr ansducti on m echani sm f or
thr om bi n. HIn contrast, per tussi s tox i n di d not af f ect the PDGF
i nduced i ncr eases i n ei ther the pr oducti on of IP 3 (Fi g. 1) or
i ntracel l ul ar [Ca 2 + ] (Fi g. 2), i ndi cati ng that ei ther no G pr otei n

or a per tussi s tox i n–i nsensi ti v e G pr otei n i s i nv ol v ed i n the
si gnal tr ansducti on m echani sm f or PDGF.
3. ITo a s k w he the r the s igna l tra ns duc tion me c ha nis m for

a c tiva tion of phos pholipa s e C by P DG F might involve a
pe rtus s is tox in–ins e ns itive G prote in, w e e x a mine d the
e ffe c t of G TP γS, a s ta ble G TP a na log, on IP 3 produc tion in
s a poninpe rme a bilize d va s c ula r s mooth mus c le c e lls .
JG TP γS ha s be e n s how n to pote ntia te ma ny G prote in
me dia te d re s pons e s by dire c t a c tiva tion of the G prote in
(15–17). KWe f ound that i n per m eabi l i zed vascul ar sm ooth
m uscl e cel l s, GTPγ S i ncr eased IP 3 pr oducti on sy ner gi sti cal l y
w i th both thr om bi n and PDGF (Fi g. 3). LThus, unl i k e thr om bi n,
PDGF m ay use a per tussi s tox i n–i nsensi ti v e G pr otei n f or
acti v ati on of phosphol i pase C.
4. MTo s upport the notion tha t a pe rtus s is tox in–ins e ns itive G

prote in is involve d in the s igna l tra ns duc tion me c ha nis m for
P DG F, w e te s te d gua nos ine 5′ O(2thiodiphos pha te )
(G DP βS), a n a na log of G DP . M'G DP βS blunts G prote in
me dia te d c e llula r re s pons e s by c ompe ting w ith G TP for
binding (18). N We f ound that GDPβS bl unted PDGFi nduced IP 3
pr oducti on i n per m eabi l i zed cel l s (Fi g. 4). OThus, w her eas
thr om bi n uses a per tussi s tox i n–sensi ti v e G pr otei n as a si gnal
tr ansducer to acti v ate phosphol i pase C i n v ascul ar sm ooth
m uscl e cel l s, PDGF appear s to use a per tussi s tox i n–i nsensi ti v e
G pr otei n.
5. PAn a dditiona l c ha ra c te ris tic of G prote in–me dia te d

a c tiva tion of phos pholipa s e C in s ome s ys te ms is tha t the y
a re ofte n s ubje c t to fe e dba c k re gula tion by prote in k ina s e C.
P'The re fore a s e c ond diffe re nc e be tw e e n the s igna l
tra ns duc tion me c ha nis ms for a c tiva tion of phos pholipa s e C
by thrombin a nd P DG F might be tha t the s e me c ha nis ms a re
not e qua lly s e ns itive to fe e dba c k re gula tion by prote in
k ina s e C. P”To c he c k this pos s ibility, w e te s te d the prote in
k ina s e C s timula tor, phorbol 12myris ta te 13a c e ta te (P MA),
w hic h blunts G prote in–me dia te d a c tiva tion of
phos pholipa s e C in s ome s ys te ms (19). QWe f ound that, i n
vascul ar sm ooth m uscl e cel l s, PMA str ongl y i nhi bi ted thr om bi n
i nduced, but not PDGFi nduced, IP 3 pr oducti on (Fi g. 5). RPMA di d
not af f ect basal pr oducti on of IP 3 (200 v s. 215 cpm /di sh).
S Consi stent w i th i ts ef f ect on IP 3 pr oducti on, PMA bl unted
thr om bi ni nduced, but not PDGFi nduced, Ca 2 + m obi l i zati on (Fi g.
6). T Thi s ef f ect of PMA r equi r es f uncti onal pr otei n k i nase C,
si nce PMA di d not i nhi bi t thr om bi ni nduced Ca 2 + m obi l i zati on i n
cel l s that w er e m ade def i ci ent i n pr otei n k i nase C acti v i ty (data
not show n). T'Thus, w her eas the si gnal transducti on m echani sm
f or thr om bi n i s inhibite d by pr otei n k i nase C, the si gnal
tr ansducti on m echani sm f or PDGF i s not.
6. U Sinc e P MA ha s be e n s ugge s te d to a c t on s e ve ra l ta rge ts ,

inc luding the binding of a hormone to its re c e ptor, w e
pe rforme d re c e ptorbinding s tudie s us ing 125 Ithrombin to
s e e if thrombin re c e ptors a re the ta rge t of P MA. VAcute PMA
tr eatm ent di d not af f ect ei ther the di ssoci ati on constant (K D ) f or
thr om bi n or the m ax i m al bi ndi ng (B max ) f or thr om bi n (Fi g. 7).
WThus, PMA m ust act by i nter f er i ng w i th one or m or e ev ents
di stal to the bi ndi ng of thr om bi n to i ts r eceptor .
7. XAnothe r pos s ible ta rge t for P MA a c tion is the G prote in

its e lf. YTo inve s tiga te this pos s ibility, w e e x a mine d the
e ffe c t of P MA on G TP γSinduc e d inos itol phos pha te re le a s e .
ZGTPγ S caused a pr ogr essi ve r el ease of i nosi tol phosphate,
w hi ch was i nhi bi ted by 55% by PMA tr eatm ent (Fi g. 8),
suggesti ng that PMA i nhi bi ts thr om bi ni nduced cel l ul ar r esponses
by af f ecti ng the f uncti on of the G pr otei n di r ectl y .
Anothe r Re vis ion of P a ra gra phs 3–4:
3–4 ITo a s k w he the r the s igna l tra ns duc tion me c ha nis m for
a c tiva tion of phos pholipa s e C by P DG F might involve a pe rtus s is
tox in–ins e ns itive G prote in, w e e x a mine d the e ffe c t of G TP γS, a
s ta ble G TP a na log, on IP 3 produc tion in s a poninpe rme a bilize d
va s c ula r s mooth mus c le c e lls . JG TP γS ha s be e n s how n to
pote ntia te ma ny G prote in–me dia te d re s pons e s by dire c t
a c tiva tion of the G prote in (15–17). KWe f ound that i n
per m eabi l i zed vascul ar sm ooth m uscl e cel l s, GTPγ S i ncr eased IP 3
pr oducti on sy ner gi sti cal l y w i th both thr om bi n and PDGF (Fi g. 3). MTo
c onfirm the e ffe c t of G TP γS, w e te s te d gua nos ine 5′ O(2
thiodiphos pha te ) (G DP βS), a n a na log of G DP . M'G DP βS blunts G
prote in–me dia te d c e llula r re s pons e s by c ompe ting w ith G TP for
binding (18). N We f ound that GDPβS bl unted PDGFi nduced IP 3
pr oducti on i n per m eabi l i zed cel l s (Fi g. 4). OThus, w her eas thr om bi n
uses a per tussi s tox i n–sensi ti v e G pr otei n as a si gnal tr ansducer to
acti v ate phosphol i pase C i n v ascul ar sm ooth m uscl e cel l s, PDGF
appear s to use a per tussi s tox i n–i nsensi ti v e G pr otei n.
COMMENTS ON THE REVISIONS
The f ol l ow i ng changes m ak e the stor y l i ne cl ear er :
Par a. 1
A, A'. Addi ng the questi on, the r eason, and an ov er v i ew of

the ex per i m ent, and l i nk i ng of the k ey ter m s “IP 3 , IP 2 , and
IP” and “phosphol i pase C” at the begi nni ng.
D. Addi ng the r eason and an ov er v i ew of the ex per i m ent

f or the cal ci um ex per i m ent.
A”. Addi ng a si gnal of the r esul ts (al so added i n par as. 2
and 4).
Par a. 2
F, F'. Addi ng a topi c sentence to state w hat the di f f er ence

m i ght be and m ak i ng the questi on m or e speci f i c, thus
pr epar i ng the r eader to hear about G pr otei ns.
H. Addi ng the m i ssi ng answ er f or PDGF at the end of

par agr aph 2, to pr epar e f or par agr aph 3 (and m ak i ng the
answ er f or PDGF par al l el to the answ er f or thr om bi n).
Par a. 3
I. Cal l i ng the m echani sm “the si gnal tr ansducti on

m echani sm , ” not the “per tussi s tox i n–i nsensi ti v e
m echani sm , ” to av oi d assum i ng the r esul t bef or e doi ng the
ex per i m ent, and changi ng the questi on to “m i ght i nv ol v e a
per tussi s tox i n–i nsensi ti v e G pr otei n, ” to be consi stent w i th
the answ er at the end of par agr aph 2.
L. Changi ng the answ er to state a di f f er ence betw een the

tw o m echani sm s r ather than a si m i l ar i ty , thus answ er i ng
the questi on ask ed at the begi nni ng of the par agr aph and
r estati ng the questi on of the paper .
Par a. 4
M. Ei ther m ov i ng the pur pose f r om the second sentence to

the begi nni ng or (better )
¶3 and 4. putti ng the contr ol i n the sam e par agr aph as the
ex per i m ent.
Par a. 5
P, P', P”. Addi ng a sentence of back gr ound and the m i ssi ng

questi on i n par agr aph 5, f ol l ow ed by a tr ansi ti on phr ase
(“To check thi s possi bi l i ty ”) to i denti f y the questi on (stated
as a possi bi l i ty ) i n P'.
A cr uci al poi nt i s that the questi on i n P' i s par al l el to the

questi on i n F at the begi nni ng of par agr aph 2. These tw o
questi ons, F and P', connect to the questi on of the paper
and m ak e the ov er al l stor y (“f or est”) cl ear .
T'. Addi ng the m i ssi ng answ er at the end of the par agr aph.
Back
Introduction
So f ar w e have l ooked onl y at the w r i tten tex t of a bi om edi cal jour nal ar ti cl e.
We tur n now to tw o ty pes of cr uci al suppor ti ng i nf or m ati on—f i r st f i gur es and
tabl es, w hi ch i l l ustrate and pr ov i de ev i dence f or statem ents i n the tex t, and
then r ef er ences, w hi ch di r ect r eader s to publ i shed w or k s that suppor t
statem ents i n the tex t.
Back
Chapter 8
Figures and Tables
In Secti on II, The Tex t of the Bi om edi cal Resear ch Paper, w e saw how to w r i te each secti on of the
tex t to tel l a cl ear stor y. How ever, m any r eader s do not r ead the tex t, or r ead onl y par t of i t.
Instead these r eader s l ook at the f i gur es and tabl es. Ther ef or e i t i s i m por tant that the f i gur es and
tabl es ar e cl ear and tel l the stor y of the paper.
Cl ear f i gur es and tabl es r esul t f r om car ef ul desi gn and f r om i nf or m ati ve l egends f or f i gur es and
i nf or m ati ve ti tl es and f ootnotes f or tabl es. Car ef ul desi gn i s i m por tant because f i gur es and tabl es
ar e v i sual m eans of convey i ng i nf or m ati on and ther ef or e shoul d have str ong v i sual i m pact.
Inf or m ati ve l egends, ti tl es, and f ootnotes ar e i m por tant to ensur e that the topi c of each f i gur e and
tabl e i s cl ear.
Fi gur es and tabl es that tel l the stor y of the paper r esul t f r om desi gni ng the f i gur es and tabl es to
f or m a cl ear sequence that r el ates cl ear l y to the tex t.
Chapter 8 pr esents gui del i nes f or desi gni ng cl ear f i gur es and tabl es, f or w r i ti ng i nf or m ati ve l egends
f or f i gur es and i nf or m ati ve ti tl es and f ootnotes f or tabl es, and f or desi gni ng f i gur es and tabl es to tel l
the stor y of the paper.
FIGURES
In sci enti f i c r esear ch paper s, m ost f i gur es ar e used i n the Methods and Resul ts secti ons, though
f i gur es can al so be used i n the Intr oducti on and the Di scussi on. In Methods, the m ai n use of f i gur es
i s to cl ar i f y or am pl i f y the m ethods. For ex am pl e, f i gur es can be used to show apparatus or anatom i c
r el ati ons. In Resul ts, the m ai n use of f i gur es i s to pr esent ev i dence that suppor ts the r esul ts. Fi gur es
pr esent ei ther pr i m ar y ev i dence (f or ex am pl e, el ectr on m i cr ographs) or num er i cal data (i n graphs).
Drawings and Diagrams

Draw i ngs i l l ustrate anatomy, apparatus, and other concr ete thi ngs. Di agram s i l l ustrate concepts such
as f l ow sy stem s. Draw i ngs and di agram s can be ei ther r eal i sti c or schem ati c (Fi g. 1).
For ani m al s and apparatus, draw i ngs ar e pr ef erabl e to photographs, because draw i ngs can el i m i nate
unnecessar y detai l and em phasi ze i m por tant f eatur es (Fi g. 2).
Figure 1. A
di agram
draw n both
r eal i sti cal l y
(l ef t) and
schem ati cal l y
(r i ght). The
schem ati c
di agram i s
si m pl er, but
the r eal i sti c
di agram m ay
have m or e
i m pact f or
som e
r eader s. The
draw i ng i s
bl ack on
w hi te, and
the l abel s
ar e
upper case
and
l ow er case
l etter s i n a
ver ti cal ,
uncr ow ded,
sans ser i f
ty pef ace of
m edi um
w ei ght.
P. 224
Draw i ngs and di agram s shoul d be bl ack on w hi te and shoul d be kept si m pl e. Label s shoul d be l ar ge
enough to be v i si bl e but not over w hel m i ng. The l etter s used f or l abel s shoul d be upper case and
l ow er case i n a ver ti cal , uncr ow ded, sans ser i f ty pef ace of m edi um w ei ght (Fi g. 1).
Primary Evidence
Pr i m ar y ev i dence i ncl udes photographs of pati ents and ti ssues, radi ographs, m i cr ographs, and
ex per i m ental r ecor ds (f or ex am pl e, gel el ectr ophor etogram s, chr om atogram s, spectr ophotom eter
cur ves, pol ygraph r ecor di ngs).
Show pr i m ar y ev i dence w hen that i s the ty pe of data you have (f or ex am pl e, el ectr on m i cr ographs,
gel el ectr ophor etogram s). Al so show pr i m ar y ev i dence to i ndi cate the qual i ty of your data w hen
appr opr i ate. For ex am pl e, f or a study of var i ous pr essur es, i n addi ti on to pr esenti ng sum m ar i zed
data i n graphs, al so show a r epr esentati ve pol ygraph r ecor di ng. Sel ect your best qual i ty r ecor di ng
f or publ i cati on.
Som e ty pes of pr i m ar y ev i dence (f or ex am pl e, photographs of pati ents, radi ographs, m i cr ographs,

el ectr ophor etogram s) ar e r epr oduced as hal f tone f i gur es. That i s, they have gray tones as w el l as
bl ack and w hi te (Fi gs. 3, 4, 5). For hal f tone f i gur es, m ake the photograph shar p and cl ear.
Figure 2.
Photograph
(l ef t) and
draw i ng (r i ght)
of an apparatus
f or m easur i ng
i ntrapl eural
pr essur e. The
draw i ng show s
the apparatus
m or e cl ear l y
and si m pl y
than the
photograph
does.
P. 225
Photographs of Patients
U se photographs of pati ents onl y i f the pati ent gave w r i tten, i nf or m ed consent bef or e the photograph
was taken. Cover f aci al f eatur es w henever possi bl e to pr event i denti f i cati on of the pati ent. If you
need to r ef er to pati ents, use A, B, etc., not the pati ent's i ni ti al s.
Micrographs
Clarity
Make gl ossy pr i nts of m i cr ographs and ensur e that the pr i nts have suf f i ci ent contrast to m ake the
f eatur es of i nter est cl ear.
Size
Make the m i cr ograph l ar ge enough to show the i m por tant f eatur es cl ear l y (Fi gs. 3, 4). The i m por tant
f eatur es shoul d near l y f i l l the space. The m i cr ograph shoul d be just enough l ar ger than the f eatur es
of i nter est to gi ve a sense of w her e they ar e i n thei r contex t.
To obtai n m i cr ographs of opti m al si ze, deci de bef or e pr i nti ng the negati ve w hat di m ensi ons you need
so that the f eatur es of i nter est w i l l near l y f i l l the photograph and the photograph w i l l f i l l the col um n
or page of the jour nal . Then pr i nt the photograph the appr opr i ate si ze and cr op (tr i m ) the photograph
to f i t the col um n or page. Subm i t photographs or m i cr ographs the si ze they w i l l appear i n the
jour nal , not l ar ger.
Labeling
Label s used on m i cr ographs i ncl ude ar r ow s and ar r ow heads, l etter s and num ber s, and sy m bol s such
as *.
The am ount of l abel i ng needed depends on the audi ence. Mor e l abel s ar e needed f or a general
audi ence (f or ex am pl e, f or m i cr ographs i n general jour nal s or i n, say, phy si ol ogy jour nal s). Few er
l abel s ar e needed f or a speci al ty audi ence.
Figure s 3 a nd 4. Wel l pr epar ed

el ectr on m i cr ographs. Fi gur e 3
show s negati vel y stai ned l ow
densi ty l i popr otei n tr eated w i th
sodi um decy l sul f ate. The ar r ow
poi nts to one of the di scl i ke
str uctur es and the ar r ow heads
poi nt to ti ny par ti cl es. Fi gur e 4
show s the sam e l i popr otei ns af ter
el astase di gesti on. The
ar r ow heads poi nt to i r r egul ar l y
shaped str uctur es. OD i denti f i es
an oi l dr opl et. The scal e bar i n the
l ow er r i ght cor ner r epr esents 75
nm . In these m i cr ographs, both
the l ar ge, obv i ous str uctur es and
the sm al l , subtl e f eatur es ar e
cl ear l y v i si bl e.
P. 226
Si nce l abel s cover up and detract f r om the data on the m i cr ograph, m ake l abel s br i ef and f ew and
just bi g enough to be r eadi l y v i si bl e (Fi gs. 3, 4). Def i ne the l abel s i n the f i gur e l egend.
To show m agni f i cati on, a scal e bar can be pl aced on the m i cr ograph, i n the l ow er r i ght cor ner (Fi g.
4). The scal e bar shoul d be a thi n, hor i zontal l i ne w i thout cr oss bar s at the end so that the di stance
i s cl ear. (Cr oss bar s cr eate the am bi gui ty of i nner di stance ver sus outer di stance. ) In the f i gur e
l egend, i denti f y the di stance that the bar r epr esents by w r i ti ng, f or ex am pl e, “Scal e bar = 75 nm .”
For speci al ty audi ences, m agni f i cati on can be i ndi cated by a num ber (f or ex am pl e, “× 32, 000”) i n the
l egend rather than by a bar on the m i cr ograph.
Plates
Mi cr ographs bei ng di scussed together i n the tex t can be gr ouped i nto pl ates. Gr oup m i cr ographs to
al l ow com par i sons and to avoi d wasti ng space. The best ar rangem ents ar e acr oss the top or bottom
of a page, dow n a col um n, or f i l l i ng a page. Make al l the m i cr ographs i n a pl ate the sam e l ength or
w i dth, or both, so that ther e ar e no r ectangl es of w hi te space betw een photographs. When m ounti ng
m i cr ographs i n pl ates, l eave uni f or m , thi n (1–2 m m ) w hi te l i nes betw een m i cr ographs (Fi gs. 3, 4).
The r easons f or avoi di ng l ar ge w hi te spaces ar e that they pul l the eye away f r om the m i cr ographs
and di stract the eye f r om the gray tones of the m i cr ographs.
Mount m i cr ographs by hot pr essi ng.
If the m agni f i cati on i s the sam e i n al l m i cr ographs, one scal e bar i s suf f i ci ent (as i n Fi gs. 3, 4).
Numbering
It i s conventi onal to gi ve each m i cr ograph a separate num ber, even w hen several m i cr ographs ar e
gr ouped i nto a pl ate. Pl ace the num ber i n the l ow er l ef t cor ner. [In contrast, w hen graphs ar e
gr ouped i nto com posi te f i gur es, the w hol e com posi te i s gi ven a si ngl e num ber and the par ts ar e
i denti f i ed by capi tal l etter s or br i ef l abel s (see Fi g. 12 bel ow ). ]
P. 227
N um ber s shoul d be the sam e sty l e on al l m i cr ographs (Fi gs. 3, 4), not som e w hi te and other s bl ack .
The si m pl est and cl ear est num ber i ng m ethod i s to put a bl ack num ber i nsi de a w hi te ci r cl e outl i ned
by a bl ack l i ne. Thi s num ber w i l l show up agai nst al l back gr ounds—bl ack , w hi te, and gray.
Gel Electrophoretograms
Gel el ectr ophor etogram s ar e hal f tone f i gur es. Make the photograph of the gel s shar p and cl ear (Fi g.
5).
Identi f y m ater i al i n each gel by addi ng capi tal l etter s or l abel s al ong the top or bottom of the
photograph (Fi g. 5). Identi f y i m por tant f racti ons by addi ng l abel s al ong the si de. U se l eader l i nes to
joi n l abel s to thei r f racti ons. Label s and l etter s shoul d not over w hel m the data.
Polygraph Recordings
Pol ygraph r ecor di ngs ar e m ade as bl ack l i nes on a gr i d. If the gr i d l i nes ar e not needed, they can be
el i m i nated by f i l ter photography. To be abl e to el i m i nate gr i d l i nes, use r ecor di ng i nk that di f f er s i n
col or f r om the pr i nted gr i d l i nes on the r ecor di ng paper.
Af ter r em ov i ng gr i d l i nes, add ver ti cal scal es and ei ther hor i zontal scal es or hor i zontal scal e
m ar ker s (f or ex am pl e, tem peratur e i n °C, ti m e i n m i nutes) (Fi g. 6). Check that the scal es and scal e
m ar ker s you add ar e per f ectl y accurate.
Figure 5. Wel l pr epar ed gel

el ectr ophor etogram s. The
f racti ons (her e, i soel ectr i c
poi nts, pI) ar e shar p and
cl ear. Each gel i s i denti f i ed
by a capi tal l etter al ong the
bottom of the photograph.
Im por tant f racti ons ar e
i denti f i ed by l abel s al ong
the si des. Leader l i nes joi n
each l abel to the
appr opr i ate f racti on. The
l abel s do not over w hel m the
data.
Figure 6. Wel l
pr epar ed
pol ygraph
r ecor di ngs.
Gr i d l i nes have
been
el i m i nated, and
ver ti cal scal es
and a
hor i zontal ti m e
m ar ker have
been added. Y
ax i s l abel s ar e
al i gned al ong
the l ef t and do
not pr otr ude
i nto the col um n
of scal e
num ber s. The
l abel s do not
over w hel m the
data.
P. 228
Label each ax i s w i th the nam e of the var i abl e f ol l ow ed by the uni t of m easur em ent i n par entheses
(Fi g. 6). U se upper case and l ow er case l etter s f or the nam e of the var i abl e; use Inter nati onal Sy stem
abbr ev i ati ons f or uni ts of m easur em ent. Label each scal e m ar ker w i th the uni t i t r epr esents.
Hor i zontal l y or i ented ax i s l abel s shoul d al i gn on the l ef t and shoul d not pr otr ude i nto the col um n of
scal e num ber s (Fi g. 6). Scal e num ber s shoul d be sl i ghtl y sm al l er than the capi tal l etter s i n the ax i s
l abel s. Scal e num ber s and axes shoul d be thi nner than l etter s i n l abel s. Label s shoul d not over w hel m
the data.
Graphs
U se the appr opr i ate ty pe of graph to di spl ay the ty pe of data you have. Som e com m onl y used ty pes
of graphs ar e descr i bed bel ow.
Line Graphs
A l i ne graph i s a tw oax i s graph on w hi ch cur ves, data poi nts, or both show the r el ati on betw een tw o
var i abl es such as w ei ght, vol um e, pr essur e, ti m e, concentrati on. Conventi onal l y, the i ndependent
var i abl e i s on the X ax i s, and the dependent var i abl e i s on the Y ax i s. If the scal e of an ax i s i s
l i near, i t m ust l ook l i near : ti ck m ar k s m ust be spaced at equal di stances and scal e num ber s m ust be
pl aced at equal i nter val s, star ti ng w her e the axes m eet (Fi g. 7).
Scattergrams
A scatter gram i s a tw oax i s graph that pl ots i ndi v i dual data poi nts and f i ts a m athem ati cal f uncti on
to the poi nts to show how str ongl y tw o var i abl es ar e cor r el ated. For ex am pl e, a strai ght r egr essi on
l i ne show s a l i near cor r el ati on (Fi g. 8).
Figure 7. A l i ne graph. The scal es on

both axes ar e l i near, as i ndi cated by
equal l y spaced ti ck m ar k s and equal l y
spaced scal e num ber s. Cur ves ar e
i denti f i ed by i ndi v i dual l abel s. Ar r ow s
i ndi cate the ti m es w hen sal i ne or
m onok i ne was i njected.
Figure 8. A scatter gram . Indi v i dual data

poi nts ar e pl otted, a r egr essi on l i ne
show s a l i near cor r el ati on, and the
cor r el ati on coef f i ci ent (r ) i ndi cates that
the cor r el ati on i s str ong.
P. 229
Bar Graphs
A bar graph i s a oneax i s graph that com par es am ounts or f r equenci es f or cl asses of a di sconti nuous
var i abl e (f or ex am pl e, ty pes of bacter i a) or a “r el ati vescal e var i abl e” (f or ex am pl e, r esponses
graded f r om l east to m ost). A bar graph m ay be hor i zontal (Fi g. 9) or ver ti cal (Fi g. 10). In a bar
graph, the ax i s m ust i ncl ude zer o to avoi d f al si f y i ng the di f f er ences betw een bar s. Bar s shoul d al l be
the sam e w i dth, and bar s shoul d be as w i de as or w i der than the spaces betw een them . The ex act
am ount of space depends on the num ber and w i dth of the bar s. N o ti ck m ar k s shoul d appear al ong
the basel i ne, and the basel i ne need not be draw n; the basel i ne i s not an ax i s.
IndividualValue Bar Graphs

An i ndi v i dual val ue bar graph i s a var i ati on on ver ti cal bar graphs i n w hi ch i ndi v i dual data poi nts ar e
show n ei ther i n addi ti on to the m ean (Fi g. 11) or i nstead of the m ean (Fi g. 12). For pai r ed data, l i nes
can be draw n to show the di r ecti on of change (Fi g. 12). When m or e than one data poi nt occur s at one
am ount, the data poi nts ar e ar ranged hor i zontal l y (Fi g. 11).
Histograms
A hi stogram i s a tw oax i s graph that show s a si ngl e f r equency di str i buti on by m eans of a ser i es of
conti guous r ectangl es (Fi g. 13). The r ectangl es shoul d be of equal w i dths so that the hei ght, and not
just the ar ea, of each r ectangl e r epr esents the f r equency of i ts cl ass. The ar ea of the hi stogram
r epr esents the di str i buti on. The outl i nes of i ndi v i dual r ectangl es m ay be draw n, as i n Fi g. 13, or
om i tted, to em phasi ze the shape of the di str i buti on.
Figure 9. A hor i zontal bar graph. Each bar

r epr esents a di f f er ent tr eatm ent. The ax i s
i ncl udes zer o, the basel i ne i s not draw n, bar s
ar e al l the sam e w i dth, and bar s ar e w i der than
the spaces betw een them .
Figure 10. A ver ti cal bar graph. Rati os ar e

show n f or tw o var i abl es ( 1 2 5 I, 9 9 m Tc), each
under tw o condi ti ons (sal i ne, m onok i ne). The
var i abl es and the condi ti ons ar e i denti f i ed i n
the l abel s under the bar s.
Figure 11. An i ndi v i dual val ue bar graph. Data poi nts
show the i ndi v i dual val ues. Means ar e show n by
hor i zontal l i nes. The aster i sk (*) i ndi cates a
stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant di f f er ence betw een the m eans.
N ote that w hen m or e than one data poi nt occur s at
one val ue, the data poi nts ar e ar ranged hor i zontal l y.
Figure 12. Indi v i dual val ue

bar graphs i n w hi ch the
di r ecti on of change i s show n
by l i nes connecti ng the data
poi nts. In thi s com posi te
f i gur e, each par t of the
com posi te i s i denti f i ed by a
br i ef l abel i n the upper
r i ght cor ner of the graph.
The l etter s i n these l abel s
ar e the l ar gest l etter s on
the f i gur e.
Figure 13. A hi stogram show i ng a si ngl e

f r equency di str i buti on. Al l r ectangl es ar e
the sam e w i dth, so the hei ght of each
r ectangl e show s the f r equency f or i ts
cl ass. The ar ea of the hi stogram
r epr esents the f r equency di str i buti on.
P. 230
P. 231
Frequency Polygons
A f r equency pol ygon i s a tw oax i s graph that uses data poi nts joi ned by l i nes to show tw o or m or e
over l appi ng f r equency di str i buti ons (Fi g. 14) or a si ngl e di str i buti on. Data poi nts ar e pl otted at the
m i dpoi nt of each cl ass, and the l i nes joi ni ng the data poi nts ar e ex tended to the basel i ne to com pl ete
the di str i buti on.
Figure 14. Tw o f r equency pol ygons

show i ng tw o over l appi ng f r equency
di str i buti ons.
P. 232
For f ur ther detai l s about these ty pes of f i gur es, see Il l ustr ati ng Sci ence: Standar ds f or Publ i cati on,
Chapter 4, Graphs and Maps. For f ur ther detai l s about these and other k i nds of f i gur es, see Br i scoe,
Pr epar i ng Sci enti f i c Il l ustr ati ons.
General Guidelines for Figures

Readability
Make each f i gur e easy to r ead. The l etter i ng shoul d be l ar ge enough to be l egi bl e af ter the graph i s
r educed to f i t the w i dth of the jour nal 's col um n. Check l egi bi l i ty by r educi ng the f i gur e to publ i cati on
si ze on a photocopi er. The sm al l est l etter i n a publ i shed graph shoul d be at l east 1. 5 m m hi gh.
Sy m bol s shoul d be l ar ge enough to be seen easi l y. The shapes shoul d be easy to di sti ngui sh. (The
easi est data poi nt sy m bol s to di sti ngui sh ar e • and ○. If you need thr ee or f our sy m bol s, use •, ○,
[bl ack uppoi nti ng tr i angl e], [bl ack uppoi nti ng tr i angl e]. If you need f i ve or si x sy m bol s, add ▪ , □.
Keep the squar es away f r om the ci r cl es. ) The graph shoul d be uncl utter ed. For ex am pl e, i f ther e i s
no r oom f or cur ve l abel s or a key on the f ace of the graph, def i ne the cur ves i n the f i gur e l egend.
Emphasis
Make each f i gur e em phasi ze the i m por tant i nf or m ati on (the data) by usi ng di f f er ent l i ne w ei ghts. For
ex am pl e, i n l i ne graphs, cur ves shoul d be the dar kest l i nes, l etter s i n ax i s l abel s shoul d be l ess
dar k , and axes, ti ck m ar k s, er r or bar s, key s, and cur ve l abel s shoul d be l east dar k , as i n Fi g. 7.
Point
Ensur e that each f i gur e m akes a cl ear poi nt. For ex am pl e, a decr ease shoul d l ook l i ke a decr ease. In
Fi g. 7, the poi nt that m onok i ne i njecti on decr eased the num ber s of ci r cul ati ng granul ocy tes i n rabbi ts
f or 2. 5 hour s i s cl ear.
Figure Legends
A f i gur e l egend i s a descr i pti ve statem ent that i s pr i nted bel ow or nex t to a f i gur e i n a publ i shed
ar ti cl e. A l egend i s needed so that the f i gur e w i l l be i ntel l i gi bl e w i thout r ef er ence to the tex t.
A f i gur e l egend ty pi cal l y has f our par ts: a br i ef ti tl e; ex per i m ental detai l s; def i ni ti ons of sy m bol s,
l i ne or bar patter ns, and abbr ev i ati ons not def i ned ear l i er i n the l egend; and, f or graphs, stati sti cal
i nf or m ati on.
Som e jour nal s do not f ol l ow thi s f or m at. For ex am pl e, som e jour nal s r equest onl y a ti tl e. Other
jour nal s r equest com pl ete ex per i m ental detai l s i n the l egend and none i n the Methods secti on of the
paper. When the jour nal gi ves ex pl i ci t i nstr ucti ons, f ol l ow them .
The Title
The ti tl e i s the f i r st i tem i n the f i gur e l egend; i t does not appear on the f i gur e i tsel f. The ti tl e
i denti f i es the speci f i c topi c or the poi nt of the f i gur e. The ti tl e shoul d be br i ef. It shoul d use the
sam e key ter m s as used on the graph and i n the tex t of the paper. It shoul d not contai n
abbr ev i ati ons. The detai l s i ncl uded i n the ti tl e depend on the ty pe of f i gur e.
P. 233
Titles for Drawings, Diagrams, and Primary Evidence

For draw i ngs, di agram s, and pr i m ar y ev i dence, the ti tl e shoul d i denti f y the ty pe of f i gur e show n, i f
necessar y, and the speci f i c apparatus, concept, or bi ol ogi cal speci m en show n, as i n Ex am pl es 8. 1
and 8. 2.
Ex a mple 8. 1 Ti tl e f or a Draw i ng
Fi g. 1. Apparatus used f or m easur i ng i ntrapl eural pr essur e.
In thi s ti tl e f or a draw i ng, onl y the speci f i c apparatus show n i s i denti f i ed.
Ex a mple 8. 2 Ti tl e f or a Di agram
Fi g. 1. Schem ati c di agram of the r el ati onshi p of the r etur n cycl e dur i ng r esetti ng of ventr i cul ar
tachycar di a to the absence or pr esence of el ectr ocar di ographi c f usi on.
In thi s ti tl e, “schem ati c di agram ” i denti f i es the ty pe of f i gur e show n and the r em ai ni ng w or ds
i denti f y the concept show n.
The speci f i c f eatur e of i nter est m ay al so be i ncl uded i n the ti tl e, as i n Ex am pl e 8. 3.
Ex a mple 8. 3 Ti tl e f or Pr i m ar y Ev i dence
Fi g. 1. Br i ghtf i el d l i ght m i cr ograph of a segm ent of a bacter i al f i l am ent show i ng i ntracel l ul ar sul f ur
i ncl usi ons.
In thi s ti tl e, “br i ghtf i el d l i ght m i cr ograph” i denti f i es the ty pe of f i gur e show n and the r em ai ni ng
w or ds i denti f y the bi ol ogi cal speci m en show n (a segm ent of a bacter i al f i l am ent) and an i m por tant
f eatur e (i ntracel l ul ar sul f ur i ncl usi ons).
Titles for Graphs

For a graph that depi cts the r esul ts of an ex per i m ent i n w hi ch a m ani pul ati on was m ade and a
var i abl e was m easur ed or obser ved, the standar d ti tl e i s
Ef f ect of X on Y i n Z,
w her e X i s the i ndependent var i abl e, Y i s the dependent var i abl e, and Z i s the ani m al or popul ati on
and m ater i al studi ed (Ex am pl e 8. 4). In graphs f or studi es i n hum ans, the ter m “hum ans” i s of ten
om i tted f r om the ti tl e (as i n Ex am pl e 8. 14 bel ow ) unl ess the data ar e f or a speci f i c subpopul ati on.
Ex a mple 8. 4 Ef f ect of X on Y i n Z
Fi g. 1. Ef f ect of i ncr easi ng concentrati ons of doxor ubi ci n on r el ease of hi stam i ne and l actate
dehydr ogenase f r om dog m astocy tom a cel l s.
Al ter nati vel y, the dependent var i abl e can com e f i r st i n the standar d ti tl e. In thi s case, the ti tl e i s i n
a f or m such as
Y i n r esponse to X i n Z
Y dur i ng X i n Z.
P. 234
Ex a mple 8. 5 Y i n r esponse to X i n Z
Fi g. 1. Rel ease of 1 4 Cl abel ed l i pi d and l actate dehydr ogenase i n r esponse to i ncr easi ng
concentrati ons of the i onophor e A23187 i n al veol ar ty pe II cel l s f r om rats.
Ex a mple 8. 6 Y dur i ng X i n Z
Fi g. 1. Mean ar ter i al pr essur e bef or e, dur i ng, and af ter sti m ul ati on of the car oti d ner ve i n young and
ol d pi gl ets.
For graphs of data f r om ex per i m ents that have no i ndependent var i abl e, the ti tl e states the
dependent var i abl e (Y) and the ani m al or m ater i al , or both (Z). The f or m i s
Y i n Z.
Ex a mple 8. 7 Y i n Z
Fi g. 1. Endocy tosi s of f l uor escent l i gands.
Som eti m es the ty pe of f i gur e show n i s al so stated i n the ti tl e of a graph, usual l y f or hi stogram s and
f r equency pol ygons, w hi ch show f r equency di str i buti ons, and al so f or speci al ty pes of graphs, such
as Scatchar d pl ots (see Ex am pl e 8. 10 bel ow ).
Titles That State a Point

The standar d ti tl e states onl y the topi c of the graph. How ever, the ti tl e can al so state the poi nt the
graph i s m ak i ng w hen ther e i s a si ngl e, cl ear poi nt. For ex am pl e, i t i s general l y m or e usef ul to w r i te
Fi g. 1. Inhi bi ti on of Y by X i n Z,
w hi ch states the poi nt (i nhi bi ti on), than to w r i te
Fi g. 1. Ef f ect of X on Y i n Z,
w hi ch states onl y the topi c (ef f ect).
Ex a mple 8. 8 Ti tl e That States a Poi nt
Fi g. 1. Inhi bi ti on of anti v i ral r esponse i n MDAMB231 (hum an br east car ci nom a) cel l s by
ox y phenbutazone.
Ex a mple 8. 9 Ti tl e That States a Poi nt
Fi g. 1. El evati on of acutephase r eactants af ter a si ngl e 3hour ex posur e to ul trav i ol et radi ati on.
Overloaded Titles
Do not over l oad the ti tl e w i th detai l s. Instead gi ve detai l s i n the r est of the l egend.
Abbreviations in Titles
Avoi d usi ng abbr ev i ati ons i n the ti tl e so that the r eader does not have to sear ch thr ough the tex t of
the paper to f i nd the m eani ng.
P. 235
Titles for Composites

For com posi te f i gur es, such as Fi gs. 1, 2, and 12 above, pr ov i de a ti tl e f or the enti r e f i gur e and al so
i denti f y each i ndi v i dual par t. The ti tl e shoul d i ndi cate the com m on topi c i l l ustrated i n al l the par ts of
the com posi te so that the r eader under stands w hy they ar e gr ouped together. The par ts can be
i denti f i ed ei ther w i thi n the ti tl e (Ex am pl e 8. 10) or i n separate subti tl es (Ex am pl e 8. 11).
Ex a mple 8. 10 Par ts of a Com posi te Fi gur e Identi f i ed i n the Ti tl e
Fi g. 1. Repr esentati ve Scatchar d pl ots of the doser esponse of [ 1 2 5 I] T 3 bi ndi ng to l ung nucl ei f r om
(A) adul t and (B) 28dayol d f etal rabbi ts.
In thi s ex am pl e, the par ts of the com posi te ar e i denti f i ed by the w or ds “(A) adul t” and “(B) 28day
ol d” i n the ti tl e. The r est of the ti tl e i denti f i es the topi c show n i n both graphs.
Ex a mple 8. 11 Par ts of a Com posi te Fi gur e Identi f i ed i n Subti tl es
Fi g. 1. Repr esentati ve cor onar y angi ogram s i n a pati ent w i th or gani c stabl e obstr ucti on w i thout
thr om bus. Insets show the el ectr ocar di ogram (l ead V 4 ) obtai ned dur i ng each angi ographi c
assessm ent. A. The i ni ti al appearance of the l ef t cor onar y ar ter i es dur i ng chest pai n. N ote the
eccentr i c segm ental nar r ow i ng (ar r ow ) i n the pr ox i m al l ef t anter i or descendi ng cor onar y ar ter y and
the del ayed di stal f i l l i ng. B. The unchanged appearance of the cor onar y ar ter i es af ter a 60m i n
i nf usi on of ur ok i nase (960, 000 U ). C. The unchanged appearance of the cor onar y ar ter i es 4 w eek s
af ter the i ni ti al angi ogram s.
In thi s ex am pl e, the ti tl e states the topi c show n i n al l thr ee par ts of the com posi te, and the topi c of
each par t i s i denti f i ed by a separate subti tl e (under l i ned). N ote that subti tl es B and C m ake a poi nt:
“unchanged appearance.”
Experimental Details
Gi ve just enough ex per i m ental detai l s to per m i t the r eader to under stand the f i gur e. If no
ex per i m ental detai l s ar e needed, do not gi ve any. In l egends f or graphs, do not si m pl y r epeat the
i nf or m ati on i n the ax i s l abel s. Wr i te ex per i m ental detai l s i n sentences.
Ex a mple 8. 12 Ex per i m ental Detai l s i n a Sentence Af ter the Ti tl e

Fi g. 1. N ucl ear T 3 bi ndi ng capaci ty i n rabbi t l ung dur i ng pr enatal and postnatal devel opm ent. Dose
r esponse ex per i m ents w er e done w i th i sol ated nucl ei (50–120 µg of DN A) under opti m al condi ti ons,
data w er e anal y zed by Scatchar d anal y si s, and r esul ts w er e cor r ected f or r el eased r eceptor .
Statem ents such as “For detai l s, see Methods” ar e unnecessar y.
Definitions
Sy m bol s, l i ne or bar patter ns, and abbr ev i ati ons that ar e not def i ned i n the f i gur e or ear l i er i n the
l egend shoul d be def i ned af ter ex per i m ental detai l s ar e gi ven.
For def i ni ti ons of sy m bol s or l i ne patter ns, draw the sy m bol or l i ne patter n i n the l egend. For
ex am pl e, ○, contr ol ” (rather than “open ci r cl es, contr ol ,” w hi ch i s not v i sual l y ef f ecti ve). Onl y one
sy m bol i s needed, not tw o sy m bol s connected by a l i ne. For bar patter ns, be car ef ul that the patter ns
i n the
P. 236
l egend m atch the patter ns i n the graph. For ex am pl e, i f the bar patter n i s
the patter n i n the l egend m ust be
, not
If the sam e sy m bol s, l i ne or bar patter ns, or abbr ev i ati ons ar e used i n m or e than one f i gur e, def i ne
them i n the l egend f or the f i r st r el evant f i gur e onl y. In succeedi ng l egends, r ef er the r eader to that
l egend.
Ex a mple 8. 13 Avoi di ng Repeti ti on of Def i ni ti ons
Fi g. 3. Autor egul ati on of cor onar y bl ood f l ow dur i ng bal l oon pum pi ng. Abbr ev i ati ons as i n Fi g. 1.
Statistical Information
The ex pl anati on of stati sti cal i nf or m ati on i n graphs shoul d i ncl ude the f ol l ow i ng detai l s: w hether the
data poi nts or bar s r epr esent i ndi v i dual , m ean, or m edi an val ues; w hether er r or bar s r epr esent
standar d dev i ati ons (SD), standar d er r or s of the m ean (SEM), conf i dence i nter val s (CI), or ranges;
and the sam pl e si ze (n).
Ex a mple 8. 14 Stati sti cal Detai l s f or Sum m ar i zed Data

Fi g. 1. N ucl ear T 3 bi ndi ng capaci ty i n rabbi t l ung dur i ng pr enatal and postnatal devel opm ent. Dose
r esponse ex per i m ents w er e done w i th i sol ated nucl ei (50–120 µg of DN A) under opti m al condi ti ons,
data w er e anal y zed by Scatchar d anal y si s, and r esul ts w er e cor r ected f or r el eased r eceptor. Val ues
ar e m eans ± SD f or 8 sam pl es, except 28dayol d pr enatal = 34 sam pl es.
Avoi d w r i ti ng “n = 12.” It i s m uch cl ear er to be speci f i c—f or ex am pl e, “12 sam pl es,” “12
m easur em ents,” “12 dogs.” What does “n = 12” m ean i n thi s ex am pl e? “Fi g. 1. Resul ts of gl ucose
absor pti on i n m i l l i gram s (m eans ± SD) obtai ned by the segm ental per f usi on techni que (n = 12).”
Tw el ve pati ents? Tw el ve sam pl es f r om one pati ent? Tw el ve sam pl es f r om f our pati ents?
For data i n bar graphs that have been anal y zed by a stati sti cal test, state w hi ch val ues w er e
com par ed by stati sti cal anal y si s and the si gni f i cance val ue (f or ex am pl e, the P val ue). It i s al so
hel pf ul to nam e the stati sti cal test used. Tw o way s to state w hi ch val ues w er e com par ed and to
i denti f y the P val ue ar e show n i n Ex am pl es 8. 15 and 8. 16.
Ex a mple 8. 15 Stati sti cal l y Si gni f i cant Di f f er ences
Fi g. 2. Ef f ect of dopam i ne on the m ajor deter m i nants of l ef tventr i cul ar ci r cum f er enti al endsy stol i c
wal l str ess. *, ** si gni f i cantl y di f f er ent f r om contr ol , *P < 0. 05, **P < 0. 01, by AN OVA.
In thi s l egend, the ti tl e i s f ol l ow ed by an ex pl anati on of the stati sti cal anal y si s. Fi r st the val ues
bei ng com par ed ar e stated (“si gni f i cantl y di f f er ent f r om contr ol ”), then the P val ues ar e i denti f i ed,
and l ast the stati sti cal test used i s nam ed.
A shor ter way of pr esenti ng the sam e stati sti cal i nf or m ati on i s “v s. contr ol .”
Ex a mple 8. 16 Stati sti cal l y Si gni f i cant Di f f er ences, Mor e Br i ef l y
Fi g. 2. Ef f ect of dopam i ne on the m ajor deter m i nants of l ef tventr i cul ar ci r cum f er enti al endsy stol i c
wal l str ess. *P < 0. 05, **P < 0. 01 v s. contr ol by AN OVA.
P. 237
Other Information
In addi ti on to these standar d par ts of a f i gur e l egend, a l egend m ay al so i ncl ude other i nf or m ati on,
such as statem ents poi nti ng out an unusual or an i nter esti ng f eatur e.
Ex a mple 8. 17 U nusual Featur e
Fi g. 6. Ef f ects of hy per ther m i a (43°C) on i m m une cy tol y si s by cy totox i c l y m phocy tes and on sur v i val
of P815 m astocy tom a cel l s. The cur ves w er e pl otted f r om the data i n Fi gs. 3 and 5.
In thi s l egend, the l ast sentence cal l s the r eader 's attenti on to the r el ati onshi p betw een thi s f i gur e
and pr ev i ous f i gur es.
Ex a mple 8. 18 Inter esti ng Featur e
Fi g. 1. Enddi astol i c angi ographi c appearance of (A) the r i ght ventr i cl e i n the dog pl aced i n the r i ght
l ateral decubi tus posi ti on (35m m f ram e) and (B) the l ef t ventr i cl e of the sam e dog. N ote how the
anter i or bor der of the l ef t ventr i cul ar cav i ty appr oaches the anter i or bor der of the hear t, w hi ch has
been r etouched f or cl ar i ty .
In thi s l egend, the l ast sentence poi nts out a f eatur e of par ti cul ar i nter est and al so cal l s the r eader 's
attenti on to the r etouchi ng of the photograph. N ote that w hen descr i bi ng w hat the f i gur e show s, you
use pr esent tense (“appr oaches the anter i or bor der ”).
Indicating Results
Resul ts as such ar e not nor m al l y gi ven i n f i gur e l egends, si nce that w oul d r epeat the Resul ts secti on.
How ever, r esul ts can be i ndi cated. To i ndi cate r esul ts i n graphs, i ncl ude the poi nt the graph m akes
(that i s, the r esul t show n by the graph) i n the ti tl e (as i n Ex am pl es 8. 8 and 8. 9 above: “Inhi bi ti on of
anti v i ral r esponse… ,” “El evati on of acutephase r eactants…”). To i ndi cate r esul ts i n f i gur es show i ng
pr i m ar y ev i dence, poi nt out a f eatur e i n the f i gur e by w r i ti ng “N ote…” (as i n Ex am pl es 8. 11 and 8. 18
above) or “… show i ng…” (as i n Ex am pl e 8. 3 above).
Republishing Figures
To r epubl i sh a f i gur e that has al r eady been publ i shed, f i r st obtai n per m i ssi on f r om the copy r i ght
hol der (usual l y the publ i sher ); thi s i s a l egal r equi r em ent. Al so obtai n per m i ssi on f r om the author
(unl ess you ar e the author ); thi s i s com m on cour tesy. Standar d per m i ssi on f or m s ar e avai l abl e f r om
your publ i sher.
In your paper, gi ve f ul l cr edi t to the sour ce and the publ i sher by ci ti ng the r ef er ence i n the f i gur e
l egend and stati ng that you have per m i ssi on to r epubl i sh the f i gur e. Tw o possi bl e way s of gi v i ng
cr edi t ar e show n i n Ex am pl es 8. 19 and 8. 20. If the copy r i ght hol der speci f i es another way, use i t.
Cr edi t i s al way s gi ven as the l ast i tem i n the f i gur e l egend. The com pl ete r ef er ence i s i ncl uded i n the
l i st of r ef er ences at the end of the tex t.
Ex a mple 8. 19 Cr edi t Li ne f or a Republ i shed Fi gur e
Fr om Fraser et al . (1975), w i th per m i ssi on.
Ex a mple 8. 20 Cr edi t Li ne f or a Republ i shed Fi gur e
P. 238
Fr om r ef. 7, w i th per m i ssi on f r om the Am er i can Rev i ew of Respi rator y Di sease.
You m ust obtai n per m i ssi on w hether you use al l of the or i gi nal l y publ i shed f i gur e, use par t of the
or i gi nal l y publ i shed f i gur e, or use a m odi f i ed v er si on of the or i gi nal l y publ i shed f i gur e. For m odi f i ed
ver si ons, one possi bl e cr edi t l i ne i s i l l ustrated i n Ex am pl e 8. 21.
Ex a mple 8. 21 Cr edi t Li ne f or a Modi f i ed Fi gur e
Redraw n f r om Fraser et al . (1975); r epr oduced w i th per m i ssi on.
TABLES
In sci enti f i c r esear ch paper s, tabl es ar e com m onl y used f or tw o pur poses: to pr esent back gr ound
i nf or m ati on r el ated to m ethods (f or ex am pl e, the character i sti cs of pati ents i n a study, Tabl e 1) and
to pr esent data that suppor t r esul ts (Tabl es 2, 3, 4 and 5). Tabl es that pr esent data, i n tur n, have tw o
pur poses: to pr esent i ndi v i dual data f or al l the subjects, ani m al s, or speci m ens studi ed or to m ake a
poi nt. Tabl es that pr esent i ndi v i dual data can get rather l ar ge. How ever, thei r advantage i s that other
w or ker s, anal y zi ng the data f or other pur poses or com par i ng the tabl e w i th other si m i l ar tabl es,
m i ght see tr ends or r el ati onshi ps the author di d not noti ce.
TABLE I CLINICAL CHARACTERISTICS OF THE INFANTS
Birth Age a t P os t
W e ight G e s ta tiona l Study c onc e ptua l
Infa nt Se x (g) Age (w k ) (w k ) Age (w k ) Dia gnos is
1 F 1, 080 30 7 37 Mi l d RDS, a apnea
2 F 1, 710 34 5½ 39½ RDS, apnea
3 F 1, 980 35 7 42 Sever e RDS,

venti l ator, abor ted
SIDS b
4 M 2, 240 37 2½ 39½ Abor ted SIDS
5 F 2, 330 37 14 51 Abor ted SIDS c
6 M 2, 520 32 4 36 Sever e RDS, apnea
7 F 2, 810 40 7 47 Abor ted SIDS
8 F 3, 300 37 5 42 Sever e RDS,

venti l ator, abor ted
SIDS
a RDS = r espi rator y di str ess sy ndr om e.

b SIDS = sudden i nf ant death sy ndr om e.
c Hi stor y f r om par ents onl y.
Tabl e 1 gi ves back gr ound i nf or m ati on r el ated to m ethods—cl i ni cal character i sti cs of the
i nf ants i n the study. In thi s tabl e, the ter m s i n the ti tl e cor r el ate w i th the ter m s i n the
col um n headi ngs: “i nf ants” i n the ti tl e i s the sam e as “i nf ant” i n the f i r st col um n headi ng,
and “cl i ni cal character i sti cs” i n the ti tl e i s a categor y ter m f or al l the other ter m s i n the
col um n headi ngs. Thr ee hor i zontal l i nes ar e draw n: one above the col um n headi ngs, one
bel ow the col um n headi ngs, and one bel ow the data.
TABLE 2. Effect of hormones on saturation of

phosphatidylcholine in explants of human fetal lungs, assessed
by two methods
Sa tura te d phos pha tidylc holine (% of Numbe r of a ) By b) By

tota l phos pha tidylc holine ) e x pla nts Hormone Pi c pm a /b
Contr ol 8 27. 4 ± 17. 8 1. 57

2. 3 ± ±
2. 3 0. 17
T3 6 30. 4 ± 20. 2 1. 44
5. 4 ± ±
4. 7 0. 22
Dex am ethasone 9 33. 8 ± 28. 9 1. 17

3. 9* ± ±
2. 7* 0. 09*
T 3 + dex am ethasone 8 32. 6 ± 27. 6 1. 19

3. 7* ± ±
0. 6* 0. 11*
Ex pl ants (19–23 w eek s of gestati on) w er e ex posed to 2 nM T 3 , 10 nM dex am ethasone, or

both f or 6 day s. Phosphati dy l chol i ne was i sol ated by thi nl ayer chr om atography and was
tr eated w i th OsO 4 . Saturated phosphati dychol i ne and unsaturated phosphati dy l chol i ne w er e
separated by thi nl ayer chr om atography and w er e quanti tated by Pi assay or by counts per
m i nute [ 3 H]chol i ne i ncor porated. Val ues ar e the m ean ± SD.
* P < 0. 01 v s. contr ol .
Tabl e 2 pr esents data that m ake tw o poi nts: that dex am ethasone, al one or w i th T 3 ,
i ncr eased the saturati on of phosphati dy l chol i ne i n ex pl ants of hum an f etal l ungs and that the
val ues deter m i ned by Pi assay w er e gr eater than the val ues deter m i ned by i ncor porati on of
[ 3 H]chol i ne. In thi s tabl e, the ti tl e i s i n the f or m “Ef f ect of X on Y i n Z.” The i ndependent
var i abl e i s i n the f i r st col um n on the l ef t, the dependent var i abl es ar e i n the l ast thr ee
col um ns on the r i ght, and the sam pl e si ze (num ber of ex pl ants) i s gi ven betw een the
i ndependent and dependent var i abl es. Subheadi ngs (“By Pi ,” “By cpm ”) ar e used to di v i de a
col um n headi ng i nto tw o categor i es. Contr ol data ar e gi ven f i r st (top r ow ). Tr ends r ead
dow n the col um ns. Com par i sons ar e m ade both betw een col um ns and betw een r ow s.
Footnotes that appl y to the enti r e tabl e ar e i n one paragraph and ar e not i denti f i ed by a
sy m bol . The f ootnote ex pl ai ni ng stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant di f f er ences i s i n a separate
paragraph and i s i denti f i ed by a sy m bol . Thi s f ootnote states not onl y the P val ue but al so
w hat val ues ar e bei ng com par ed.
P. 239
Al l tabl es, w hatever thei r pur pose, have the sam e par ts and ar e ar ranged i n the sam e way. Si nce
tabl es ar e a v i sual m edi um , i t i s i m por tant to ar range tabl es cl ear l y, f or m ax i m al v i sual i m pact, so
that the r eader can f i nd the speci f i c data or see the poi nt easi l y.
Tabl es have f our m ai n par ts: the ti tl e, col um n headi ngs, the body, and f ootnotes.
The Title
The ti tl e of a tabl e, l i ke the ti tl e of a f i gur e, states the topi c or the poi nt of the tabl e. The ti tl e
shoul d be br i ef. The detai l s i ncl uded i n a ti tl e depend on the ty pe of tabl e.
For tabl es that gi ve back gr ound i nf or m ati on, the ti tl e shoul d state the topi c of the i nf or m ati on l i sted
i n the body of the tabl e (that i s, the var i abl es) and al so the ani m al or popul ati on, the m ater i al
descr i bed, or both. The f or m i s
Y in Z or Y of Z.
For ex am pl e, i n the ti tl e of Tabl e 1 (above), “Cl i ni cal Character i sti cs of the Inf ants,” “cl i ni cal
character i sti cs” i s the topi c (Y) and “the i nf ants” (that i s, the
P. 240
i nf ants i n the study ) i s the popul ati on descr i bed (Z). In the ti tl e “Phosphol i pi d Com posi ti on of Car di ac
Ly m ph f r om N or m al Dogs,” “phosphol i pi d com posi ti on” i s the topi c (Y), “car di ac l y m ph” i s the
m ater i al descr i bed (Z), and “nor m al dogs” ar e the ani m al s (Z).
Table 3. Hemodynamic variables during various conditions of

ventilation with normoxic and hypoxic gases in newborn lambs
Me a n Me a n
P ulmona ry s ys te mic
a rte ria l P ulmona ry va s c ula r a rte ria l
Ve ntila tion pre s s ure re s is ta nc e pre s s ure He a rt ra te Ca rdia c output
c ondition (mmHg) (mmHg/lite r/min/k g) (mmHg) (be a ts /min) (lite r/min/k g)
N or m ox i c
Contr ol 22. 3 ± 52. 7 ± 14. 4 74. 1 ± 206. 3 ± 0. 38 ± 0. 08

4. 4 11. 2 43. 9
Respi rator y 18. 6 ± 48. 1 ± 13. 2 75. 0 ± 217. 0 ± 0. 34 ± 0. 06

al k al osi s 4. 2* 13. 6 44. 0
Hy pox i c
Contr ol 40. 1 ± 111. 7 ± 86. 6 87. 8 ± 241. 1 ± 0. 39 ± 0. 12

7. 6 13. 3 45. 7
Respi rator y 26. 7 ± 76. 9 ± 51. 1 † 76. 7 ± 260. 2 ± 0. 33 ± 0. 10

al k al osi s 5. 9 † 8. 5 † 39. 1
Metabol i c 26. 8 ± 74. 8 ± 39. 1 † 75. 3 ± 245. 0 ± 0. 37 ± 0. 14

al k al osi s 4. 7 † 12. 8 † 50. 8
Hy pocapni a 43. 7 ± 172. 1 ± 78. 3 † 87. 1 ± 239. 4 ± 0. 24 ± 0. 08 †

7. 1 † 7. 0 31. 7
Data ar e m eans ± SD f or 8 nor m ox i c and 9 hy pox i c l am bs.

* P < 0. 05 v s. nor m ox i c contr ol by ttest.
† P < 0. 05 v s. hy pox i c contr ol by AN OVA.
Tabl e 3 pr esents data that m ake the poi nts that both r espi rator y and m etabol i c al k al osi s r educed
hy pox i ai nduced pul m onar y vasoconstr i cti on but that hy pocapni a i ncr eased i t, as i ndi cated by
changes i n m ean pul m onar y ar ter i al pr essur e and pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance. The poi nts coul d
be stated i n the ti tl e: “Reducti on of hy pox i ai nduced pul m onar y vasoconstr i cti on by r espi rator y and
m etabol i c al k al osi s but not by hy pocapni a i n new bor n l am bs.” As w r i tten, the ti tl e states onl y the
topi c of the tabl e. In the tabl e, the i ndependent var i abl e i s i n the f i r st col um n on the l ef t and the
dependent var i abl es ar e i n the r em ai ni ng col um ns. Col um n headi ngs ar e w r i tten out rather than
bei ng abbr ev i ated, to avoi d excessi ve f ootnotes. N ote that ever y col um n, i ncl udi ng the f i r st
col um n, has a headi ng. The i ndependent var i abl e i s di v i ded i nto tw o gr oups: nor m ox i c and hy pox i c.
To i denti f y the gr oups v i sual l y, the nam es of the gr oups ar e at the f ar l ef t of the f i r st col um n and
the venti l ati on condi ti ons ar e i ndented under the gr oup nam es. Data ar e al i gned on the deci m al
poi nt and on the ± , thus m ak i ng val ues easy to com par e. Tr ends r un dow n each col um n, so SDs ar e
pl aced to the r i ght of m eans. The sam e num ber of deci m al pl aces i s used i n al l val ues f or each
var i abl e, and the sam e num ber of deci m al pl aces i s used i n the SDs as i n the m eans. The sam pl e
si ze (n) i s stated i n the f ootnote that i denti f i es the data as m eans ± SD.
For tabl es that pr esent data f r om ex per i m ents that have onl y dependent var i abl es, si m i l ar ti tl es ar e
appr opr i ate. For ex am pl e, i n the ti tl e “Di m ensi ons of Cel l Bodi es i n the Tracheal Gangl i a of Fer r ets,”
“di m ensi ons” i s the topi c (dependent var i abl e) (Y), “cel l bodi es i n the tracheal gangl i a” i s the
m ater i al descr i bed (Z), and “f er r ets” ar e the ani m al s (Z).
For tabl es that pr esent data f r om ex per i m ents that have both i ndependent and dependent var i abl es,
the ti tl e shoul d state the i ndependent var i abl e(s) (X), the dependent var i abl e(s) (Y), and the ani m al
or popul ati on, the m ater i al
P. 241
descr i bed, or both (Z). It i s not necessar y to m enti on the contr ol s i n the ti tl e. Tw o standar d f or m s
f or these ti tl es ar e
Table 3A. Hemodynamic variables during various conditions of

ventilation with normoxic and hypoxic gases in newborn lambs
Me a n Me a n
P ulmona ry s ys te mic
a rte ria l P ulmona ry va s c ula r a rte ria l
Ve ntila tion pre s s ure re s is ta nc e pre s s ure He a rt ra te Ca rdia c output
c ondition (mmHg) (mmHg/lite r/min/k g) (mmHg) (be a ts /min) (lite r/min/k g)
N or m ox i c
Contr ol 22. 3 52. 7 74. 1 206. 3 0. 38
(4. 4) (14. 4) (11. 2) (43. 9) (0. 08)
Respi rator y 18. 6* 48. 1 75. 0 217. 0 0. 34

al k al osi s
(4. 2) (13. 2) (13. 6) (44. 0) (0. 06)
Hy pox i c
Contr ol 40. 1 111. 7 87. 8 241. 1 0. 39
(7. 6) (86. 6) (13. 3) (45. 7) (0. 12)
Respi rator y 26. 7 † 76. 9 † 76. 7 † 260. 2 0. 33

al k al osi s
(5. 9) (51. 1) (8. 5) (39. 1) (0. 10)
Metabol i c 26. 8 † 74. 8 † 75. 3 † 245. 0 0. 37

al k al osi s
(4. 7) (39. 1) (12. 8) (50. 8) (0. 14)
Hy pocapni a 43. 7 † 172. 1 † 87. 1 239. 4 0. 24 †
(7. 1) (78. 3) (7. 0) (31. 7) (0. 08)
Data ar e m eans and (SD) f or 8 nor m ox i c and 9 hy pox i c l am bs.

* P < 0. 05 v s. nor m ox i c contr ol .
† P < 0. 05 v s. hy pox i c contr ol .
Tabl e 3A i l l ustrates how to r educe the w i dth of a tabl e and si m ul taneousl y per m i t easi er r eadi ng
acr oss the r ow s by pl aci ng SDs i n par entheses bel ow the m eans rather than to the r i ght of the
m eans. (In thi s par ti cul ar tabl e, how ever, si nce w e need to r ead dow n the col um ns to see the
tr ends, putti ng the SDs to the r i ght of the m eans, as i n Tabl e 3, i s cl ear er. ) N ote that pl aci ng SDs
i n par entheses m akes them easi er to sk i p over.
Ef f ect of X on Y i n Z
Y dur i ng X i n Z.
For ex am pl e, i n the ti tl e “Ef f ects of Methachol i ne on El ectr i cal Pr oper ti es and Ion Fl uxes i n Tracheal
Epi thel i um Fr om Cats and Fer r ets,” “m ethachol i ne” i s the i ndependent var i abl e, “el ectr i cal pr oper ti es
and i on f l uxes” ar e the dependent var i abl es, “tracheal epi thel i um ” i s the m ater i al , and “cats and
f er r ets” ar e the ani m al s. (See al so the ti tl e f or Tabl e 2. ) In the ti tl e “Pl asm a Var i abl es Bef or e and
Af ter Pr otei n Loss i n Lam bs,” “pl asm a var i abl es” ar e the dependent var i abl es, “bef or e and af ter ” i s
used i nstead of “dur i ng,” “pr otei n l oss” i s the i ndependent var i abl e, and “l am bs” ar e the ani m al s.
(See al so Tabl e 3. )
Even better than stati ng the topi c i n the ti tl e of the tabl e i s stati ng the poi nt. When the ti tl e states
the poi nt, the r eader k now s ex actl y w hat to l ook
P. 242
f or i n the tabl e. For ex am pl e, i n the ti tl e “Incr ease i n Hel i ci ty of Abor ti f aci ent Pr otei ns i n the
Pr esence of Sodi um Dodecy l Sul f ate,” “i ncr ease i n hel i ci ty ” i s the poi nt.
To keep ti tl es br i ef, use a categor y ter m i nstead of l i sti ng al l the dependent var i abl es. For ex am pl e,
i n Tabl e 3, “hem ody nam i c var i abl es” i s the categor y ter m f or al l the dependent var i abl es i n the
tabl e.
To ensur e that the ti tl e r el ates cl ear l y to the tabl e, use the sam e key ter m s i n the ti tl e as i n the
col um n headi ngs, or use a categor y ter m i n the ti tl e i nstead of tw o or m or e col um n headi ngs. (The
key ter m s and categor y ter m shoul d be the sam e as those used i n the tex t. ) For ex am pl e, i n Tabl e 1,
“i nf ants” i n the ti tl e cor r esponds w i th “i nf ant” i n the f i r st col um n headi ng, and “cl i ni cal
character i sti cs” i s a categor y ter m f or the r em ai ni ng col um n headi ngs (sex , bi r th w ei ght, gestati onal
age, age at study, postconceptual age, di agnosi s).
Column Headings
Col um n headi ngs consi st of headi ngs that i denti f y the i tem s l i sted i n the col um ns bel ow them ,
subheadi ngs as necessar y, and uni ts of m easur em ent as necessar y. Col um n headi ngs shoul d be br i ef.
Headings
Ther e ar e tw o m ai n gr oups of headi ngs, cor r espondi ng to the tw o m ai n gr oups of i nf or m ati on i n the
body of the tabl e: the i tem s f or w hi ch data ar e gi ven, i n one or m or e col um ns on the l ef t si de of the
tabl e, and the data, i n one or m or e col um ns on the r i ght. In tabl es f or ex per i m ents that have both
i ndependent and dependent var i abl es, the i ndependent var i abl e(s) ar e i n the col um n(s) on the l ef t
and the dependent var i abl e(s) ar e i n the col um n(s) on the r i ght, as i n Tabl es 2, 3, 4 and 5. For
ex am pl e, i n Tabl e 3, the col um n l abel ed “Venti l ator y condi ti on” i s the i ndependent var i abl e and the
r em ai ni ng col um ns ar e the dependent var i abl es. In Tabl e 4, the col um ns l abel ed “Incubati on
condi ti ons” and “Sam pl e” descr i be the i ndependent var i abl e and the r em ai ni ng col um ns ar e the
dependent var i abl e.
Each ty pe of i nf or m ati on shoul d have i ts ow n ver ti cal col um n, and each col um n shoul d have i ts ow n
headi ng. Do not com bi ne tw o ty pes of i nf or m ati on i n one col um n. For ex am pl e, under a col um n
headed “Dr ug,” onl y the nam es of the dr ugs shoul d appear, not both the dr ugs and the doses.
Do not om i t the headi ng that states the nam e of the f i r st col um n on the l ef t. For ex am pl e, i n Tabl e 3,
the f i r st col um n on the l ef t (the i ndependent var i abl e) needs a headi ng (“Venti l ati on condi ti on”) just
as the other col um ns (the dependent var i abl es) do.
Do not om i t the col um n headi ng that states the nam e of the dependent var i abl e [f or ex am pl e,
“Recover y (%)” i n Tabl e 5], even i n si m pl e tabl es that have onl y one dependent var i abl e that i s
nam ed i n the ti tl e. It i s cl ear est f or the r eader i f the dependent var i abl e i s nam ed both i n the ti tl e
and i n the col um n headi ngs. For ex am pl e, i n a tabl e ti tl ed “Ef f ects of Enzy m es on Anti body
Reacti v i ty,” the col um n headi ngs shoul d not be m er el y “Enzy m e,” “4E4,” “3F11,” “4D4,” “4D8.” The
l ast f our headi ngs, w hi ch ar e nam es of anti bodi es, shoul d be subheadi ngs under “Anti body Reacti v i ty
(% of contr ol ),” because the data i n the col um ns ar e anti body r eacti v i ty, not ty pes of anti bodi es.
In addi ti on to the col um n headi ngs and col um ns f or the i ndependent and dependent var i abl es, a thi r d
col um n headi ng and col um n can be gi ven: sam pl e si ze (n) (see Tabl e 2, “N um ber of ex pl ants”).
Table IV. Recovery of [ 14 C]PC and [ 14 C]LPC Standards

Incubated with Cardiac Lymph from Dogs
Re c ove ry (% of tota l a pplie d dpm Inc uba tion

re c ove re d from TLC pla te ) c onditions
LP C PC FA
Te mpe ra ture Time Sa mple re gion re gion re gion
°C min % % %
4 30 [ 1 4 C]PC 1 98 1
+ buf f er
[ 1 4 C]PC 1 97 1
+ l y m ph
[ 1 4 C]LPC 99 ND ND
+ buf f er
[ 1 4 C]LPC 99 ND ND
+ l y m ph
37 90 [ 1 4 C]PC 1 97 1
+ buf f er
[ 1 4 C]PC 2 94 2
+ l y m ph
[ 1 4 C]LPC 80 1 19
+ buf f er
[ 1 4 C]LPC 96 1 2
+ l y m ph
Di si ntegrati ons per m i nute (dpm ) w er e obtai ned f r om m easur ed counts per m i nute af ter
cor r ecti on f or quenchi ng usi ng a 1 4 C l abel as an i nter nal standar d. Val ues ar e m eans of
thr ee ex per i m ents. TLC, thi nl ayer chr om atography ; LPC, l y sophosphati dy l chol i ne; PC,
phosphati dy l chol i ne; FA, f atty aci d; N D, not detectabl e.
Tabl e 4 pr esents data that m ake the poi nts that ther e was v i r tual l y no hydr ol y si s of
l y sophosphati dy l chol i ne or phosphati dy l chol i ne i n car di ac l y m ph f r om dogs af ter i ncubati on
at 4°C f or 30 m i n and that ther e was ver y l i ttl e hydr ol y si s af ter i ncubati on at 37°C f or 90
m i n. In thi s tabl e, the i ndependent var i abl e i s descr i bed i n the thr ee col um ns on the l ef t and
the dependent var i abl e i n the thr ee col um ns on the r i ght. The uni ts of m easur em ent (°C,
m i n, and %) ar e pl aced or r epeated bel ow the col um n headi ngs and thus ar e easy to see.
Tr ends i n thi s tabl e r ead acr oss the r ow s. Abbr ev i ati ons ar e used to keep the ti tl e, col um n
headi ngs, and col um ns com pact. The abbr ev i ati ons ar e def i ned i n f ootnotes. “N D” i s used to
i ndi cate m i ssi ng data and i s def i ned i n a f ootnote.
P. 243
Subheadings
When necessar y, subheadi ngs can be used to subdi v i de a headi ng i nto tw o or m or e categor i es. For
ex am pl e, i n the col um n headi ng
the dependent var i abl e and the uni t of m easur em ent ar e i n the m ai n headi ng and tw o si tes i n w hi ch
thi s var i abl e was m easur ed ar e i n the subheadi ngs. (See al so Tabl es 2, 4, and 5. )
N ote that ter m s i n col um n headi ngs and subheadi ngs ar e si ngul ar, not pl ural (f or ex am pl e,
“Recover y,” not “Recover i es”).
Units of Measurement
U ni ts of m easur em ent ar e gi ven (usual l y i n par entheses) af ter or bel ow the nam e of the var i abl e i n
the col um n headi ng. Repeati ng the uni t of m easur em ent
P. 244
af ter each val ue i s i nef f i ci ent. For ex am pl e, i n Tabl e 4, the second col um n i s appr opr i atel y
Table 5. Recovery of Apolipoprotein AI and Cholesterol in

Ultracentrifugal Fractions Obtained from Media of Different
Ionic Strengths
Re c ove ry (% of tota l)
Apolipoprote in AI* Chole s te rol †
Me dium 1. 063 1. 21 1. 212 1. 21 Tota l 1. 063 1. 21 1. 21 1. 21
T 1B B T T 1B 2B T
H 2 O 0. 4 8. 1 6. 9 83. 7 99. 1 —‡ 2. 0 0. 2 17. 0

KBr
D 2 O 0. 4 16. 1 7. 2 71. 6 95. 3 — 2. 0 0. 5 16. 0

KBr
D 2 O 0. 4 17. 1 13. 2 58. 9 89. 6 — 2. 0 0. 5 19. 0

CsCl
Data ar e f r om one pr eparati on but ar e ty pi cal of r ecover i es f r om 20 other pr eparati ons.

* Per cent of total ser um apol i popr otei n AI.
† Per cent of total ser um chol ester ol .
‡ N ot deter m i ned.
Tabl e 5 pr esents data that m ake thr ee poi nts: that r ecover y of apol i popr otei n AI f r om the
1. 21T f racti on decr eased as the i oni c str ength of the m edi um decr eased, thus i ndi cati ng
i ncr easi ng l osses of apol i popr otei n AI; that these l osses occur r ed concur r entl y w i th
i ncr easi ng r ecover y of apol i popr otei n AI i n the 1. 211B and 1. 212B f racti ons; and that
the chol ester ol content was constant. In thi s tabl e, the i ndependent var i abl e (m edi um ) i s
l i sted i n or der of decr easi ng i oni c str ength. Dashes and a f ootnote sy m bol af ter the f i r st
dash ar e used to i ndi cate m i ssi ng data. The r eason the data ar e m i ssi ng i s gi ven i n a
f ootnote. Footnote sy m bol s i n the body of the tabl e ar e pl aced f r om l ef t to r i ght and then
dow n.
U se Inter nati onal Sy stem (SI) abbr ev i ati ons f or uni ts of m easur em ent.
Tr y to choose uni ts of m easur em ent that el i m i nate unnecessar y zer os. For ex am pl e, i f the uni t i s
gram s and the val ues i n the col um n ar e 120, 000, 98, 000, etc., change the uni t to k i l ogram s and
r epor t the val ues as 120, 98, etc. Make the sam e change i n the tex t.
Avoi d usi ng m ul ti pl i er s i n the col um n headi ngs (f or ex am pl e, “× 10 3 ”) as a way of el i m i nati ng

unnecessar y zer os, because m ul ti pl i er s ar e conf usi ng: i s the r eader supposed to m ul ti pl y by 10 3 , or
has the author al r eady done so?
The Body of the Table

The body of the tabl e contai ns the l i sti ng of i ndi v i dual i tem s f or w hi ch data ar e gi ven (col um ns on
the l ef t) and the cor r espondi ng data (col um ns on the r i ght). If the sam pl e si zes (n) ar e di f f er ent, a
col um n l i sti ng sam pl e si zes can be i ncl uded betw een the i ndependent and the dependent var i abl es
(see Tabl e 2).
The Columns on the Left

Just as the col um n headi ngs i denti f y the i nf or m ati on i n the col um ns bel ow them , so the i tem s l i sted
i n the col um n(s) on the l ef t i denti f y the i nf or m ati on
P. 245
i n each r ow. The i tem s i n the col um ns on the l ef t (usual l y the i ndependent var i abl e) shoul d be l i sted
i n a l ogi cal or der accor di ng to the ex per i m ental desi gn. For ex am pl e, i n Tabl e 5, the m edi a ar e l i sted
i n or der of decr easi ng i oni c str ength. In Tabl e 2, the hor m ones ar e l i sted i n i ncr easi ng or der : contr ol
(no hor m one), each hor m one, both hor m ones.
The contr ol i s conventi onal l y the f i r st i tem i n the l i st of i ndependent var i abl es. Thus, contr ol data
ar e gi ven i n the top r ow of the tabl e (Tabl e 2). In Tabl e 3, contr ol data ar e gi ven i n the top r ow i n
each gr oup (N or m ox i c, Hy pox i c).
When the i ndependent var i abl e i n the col um n on the l ef t contai ns tw o or thr ee gr oups, one cl ear way
to show the gr oups i s to pl ace the gr oup nam e at the f ar l ef t of the tabl e and i ndent the i tem s i n the
f i r st col um n under them , as i n Tabl e 3 (the tw o gr oups of i ndependent var i abl es ar e N or m ox i c and
Hy pox i c). Another possi bi l i ty i s to pl ace gr oup nam es at the center of the tabl e rather than at the f ar
l ef t (see Tabl e 4 i n Woodf or d, Chap. 10, Desi gn of Tabl es and Fi gur es).
The Columns on the Right
Presentation of Data
In the col um ns on the r i ght, the data ar e usual l y pr esented i n num ber s, but data m ay al so be i n
w or ds (see Tabl e 1, l ast col um n), l etter s (Tabl e 1, second col um n), or sy m bol s such as + .
Arrangement of Data
Ar range the col um ns and r ow s of data to r eveal tr ends or to per m i t easy com par i son. Tr ends can be
r ead ei ther dow n a col um n (Tabl es 3, 5) or acr oss a r ow (Tabl e 4). Com par i sons can be m ade
betw een adjacent col um ns (Tabl e 2) or betw een adjacent r ow s (Tabl e 3, top tw o r ow s; Tabl e 4).
Com par i son acr oss i nter veni ng col um ns or r ow s i s m or e di f f i cul t (Tabl e 2, al l f our r ow s; Tabl e 3,
bottom f our r ow s).
Placement of SDs
A pr obl em ar i ses w hen data ar e pr esented as (f or ex am pl e) m ean and standar d dev i ati on (SD). If the
SDs ar e pl aced to the r i ght of the m eans, i t i s di f f i cul t to r ead acr oss the r ow s or to com par e tw o
adjacent col um ns. If the SDs ar e pl aced bel ow the m eans, i t i s di f f i cul t to r ead dow n the col um ns or
to com par e tw o adjacent r ow s. To deci de w her e to pl ace the SDs, consi der w hether you want r eader s
to r ead acr oss the r ow s (i f so, pl ace SDs bel ow the m eans, as i n Tabl e 3A) or to r ead dow n the
col um ns (i f so, pl ace SDs to the r i ght of the m eans, as i n Tabl e 3). If r eader s need to r ead both
acr oss and dow n, tr y both pl acem ents of the SDs and see w hi ch you pr ef er. Another poi nt to consi der
i s that pl aci ng the SDs bel ow the m eans can hel p keep the tabl e f r om getti ng too w i de. Fi nal l y, a
tr i ck f or hel pi ng the r eader sk i p over the SDs i s to pl ace the SDs i n par entheses (as i n Tabl e 3A)
i nstead of usi ng ± .
Number of Decimal Places

U se the f ew est deci m al pl aces necessar y to convey the pr eci si on of the m easur em ent. Have the
sam e num ber of deci m al pl aces i n al l val ues f or one var i abl e (Tabl es 2, 3, 4, and 5). Have the sam e
num ber of deci m al pl aces i n the SD as i n the m ean (Tabl es 2, 3).
Alignment of Data
In each col um n, the data shoul d al i gn on the deci m al poi nt, w hether or not a deci m al poi nt i s pr esent
(Tabl es 4, 5). For data that ar e gi ven as (f or ex am pl e) m ean ± SD, the data shoul d al so al i gn on the
± (Tabl es 2, 3). In Tabl es 2, 3, 4 and 5, because the i ndependent var i abl e i s on the l ef t and the
dependent var i abl es ar e on the r i ght, the val ues i n each col um n al i gn neatl y on the deci m al poi nt,
thus m ak i ng di f f er ences betw een num ber s easy to see.
TABLE 6. Cardiac variables before and after pulmonary

microvascular injury in seven dogs
Va ria ble Be fore Afte r
Enddi astol i c di m ensi ons
LV SF (m m ) 50. 7 ± 7. 1 49. 4 ± 7. 5*
LV AP (m m ) 56. 7 ± 5. 2 56. 0 ± 5. 5
LV ar ea (m m 2 ) 2730 ± 630 2640 ± 670 †
RV SF (m m ) 36. 5 ± 5. 2 36. 7 ± 4. 9
RV chor d (m m ) 64. 2 ± 10. 8 64. 2 ± 11. 2
RV ar ea (m m 2 ) 2330 ± 430 2320 ± 440
Endsy stol i c di m ensi ons
LV SF (m m ) 43. 0 ± 5. 2 42. 0 ± 6. 0
LV AP (m m ) 53. 5 ± 4. 4 53. 3 ± 5. 3
LV ar ea (m m 2 ) 2320 ± 460 2260 ± 560
RV SF (m m ) 36. 3 ± 3. 3 37. 6 ± 2. 8
RV chor d (m m ) 60. 3 ± 10. 5 41. 2 ± 10. 6
RV ar ea (m m 2 ) 2190 ± 380 2300 ± 440 †
Enddi astol i c pr essur es (m m Hg)

LV 13 ± 8 8 ± 6†
RV 13 ± 5 10 ± 7
PA 14 ± 4 24 ± 9*
Max i m um pr essur e (m m Hg)
LV 113 ± 23 105 ± 28
RV 31 ± 9 38 ± 15 ‡
PA 29 ± 7 38 ± 13 §
Val ues ar e m eans ± SD. LV, l ef t ventr i cl e; RV, r i ght ventr i cl e; PA, pul m onar y ar ter y ; SF,
septal f r ee wal l ; AP, anter oposter i or. * P < 0. 01, † P < 0. 05, ‡ P < 0. 06, § P < 0. 02 v s. the
“bef or e” val ue, by ttest.
Tabl e 6 pr esents data that m ake the poi nt that pul m onar y m i cr ovascul ar i njur y caused
si gni f i cant decr eases i n the l ef t ventr i cul ar septal f r ee wal l di m ensi on, l ef t ventr i cul ar ar ea,
and l ef t ventr i cul ar enddi astol i c pr essur e. In thi s tabl e, the dependent var i abl es ar e l i sted
dow n the f i r st col um n on the l ef t rather than acr oss the top to save space. Because data ar e
not al i gned on the deci m al poi nt but onl y on the ± , the di f f er ent m agni tudes ar e not easy to
see at f i r st gl ance.
P. 246
Arranging Wide Tables

Som eti m es a tabl e that has a gr eat m any dependent var i abl es w oul d be too w i de f or the page of the
jour nal i f the dependent var i abl es w er e l i sted acr oss the top. One sol uti on i s to put the SDs, SEMs,
conf i dence i nter val s, or ranges bel ow the m eans (as i n Tabl e 3A), but thi s sol uti on m ay not save
enough space. Another sol uti on i s to sw i tch the i ndependent and dependent var i abl es, thus l i sti ng the
dependent var i abl es dow n the f i r st col um n on the l ef t and the i ndependent var i abl es acr oss the top
(Tabl e 6). In thi s case, al i gni ng the num ber s on the deci m al poi nt w oul d gi ve the col um ns jagged
edges. Ther ef or e, f or a neater appearance, the num ber s ar e usual l y center ed on the ± and the
al i gnm ent on the deci m al poi nt i s i gnor ed. How ever, thi s neatness can be decepti ve. For ex am pl e, i n
Tabl e 6, at f i r st gl ance, the num ber s i n the col um n 50. 7, 56. 7, 2730 l ook about the sam e si ze, but i n
f act
P. 247
the thi r d num ber i s tw o or der s of m agni tude l ar ger than the other tw o. Other sol uti ons f or a tabl e
that i s too w i de f or the page ar e to pr i nt a w i de tabl e acr oss tw o pages, i f the jour nal w i l l do thi s, or
to r otate the tabl e 90 degr ees to r un the l ength of the jour nal 's page, but thi s l ast sol uti on i s
i nconveni ent f or the r eader and shoul d be avoi ded.
TABLE 6A. Cardiac variables before and after pulmonary

microvascular injury in seven dogs
Va ria ble Be fore Afte r P
Enddi astol i c di m ensi ons
LV SF (m m ) 50. 7 ± 7. 1 49. 4 ± 7. 5 0. 01
LV AP (m m ) 56. 7 ± 5. 2 56. 0 ± 5. 5 NS
LV ar ea (m m 2 ) 2730 ± 630 2640 ± 670 0. 05
RV SF (m m ) 36. 5 ± 5. 2 36. 7 ± 4. 9 NS
RV chor d (m m ) 64. 2 ± 10. 8 64. 2 ± 11. 2 NS
RV ar ea (m m 2 ) 2330 ± 430 2320 ± 440 NS
Endsy stol i c di m ensi ons
LV SF (m m ) 43. 0 ± 5. 2 42. 0 ± 6. 0 NS
LV AP (m m ) 53. 5 ± 4. 4 53. 3 ± 5. 3 NS
LV ar ea (m m 2 ) 2320 ± 460 2260 ± 560 NS
RV SF (m m ) 36. 3 ± 3. 3 37. 6 ± 2. 8 NS
RV chor d (m m ) 60. 3 ± 10. 5 41. 2 ± 10. 6 NS
RV ar ea (m m 2 ) 2190 ± 380 2300 ± 440 0. 05
Enddi astol i c pr essur es (m m Hg)
LV 13 ± 8 8 ± 6 0. 05
RV 13 ± 5 10 ± 7 NS
PA 14 ± 4 24 ± 9 0. 01
Max i m um pr essur e (m m Hg)
LV 113 ± 23 105 ± 28 NS
RV 31 ± 9 38 ± 15 0. 06
PA 29 ± 7 38 ± 13 0. 02
Val ues ar e m eans ± SD. LV, l ef t ventr i cl e; RV, r i ght ventr i cl e; PA, pul m onar y ar ter y ; SF,
septal f r ee wal l ; AP, anter oposter i or. N S, not si gni f i cant, by ttest.
Tabl e 6A i l l ustrates how usi ng a col um n of P val ues to show stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant
di f f er ences, rather than usi ng sy m bol s as i n Tabl e 6, has l ess v i sual i m pact than sy m bol s do
and adds unnecessar y bul k to the tabl e.
Indicating Significant Differences

To i ndi cate stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant di f f er ences betw een data, i t i s cl ear est to use sy m bol s, such as
aster i sk s (*), af ter the val ues that ar e di f f er ent, and then to def i ne the sy m bol s i n a f ootnote (f or
ex am pl e, “*P = 0. 02 v s. contr ol ”) (Tabl es 2, 3). (Sy m bol s i ndi cati ng si gni f i cant di f f er ences ar e not
pl aced af ter contr ol val ues or hal f way betw een tw o val ues. ) Putti ng P val ues i n a separate col um n i s
l ess ef f ecti ve v i sual l y (Tabl e 6A), both because aster i sk s (or other sy m bol s) di sti ngui sh di f f er ences
m or e cl ear l y than a col um n of P val ues does and because a col um n of P val ues adds unnecessar y
bul k to the body of the tabl e.
It i s unnecessar y to i denti f y di f f er ences that ar e not stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant. Keep i n m i nd that tabl es
ar e a v i sual m edi um . A * pr otr udi ng f r om a col um n of al i gned num ber s i s a cl ear v i sual si gn of a
stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant di f f er ence (Tabl e 2). The absence of a * i s a cl ear v i sual si gn of no si gni f i cant
P. 248
di f f er ence. Addi ng i n other sy m bol s, or N S (f or “not si gni f i cant”), just cr eates cl utter (Tabl e 6A). In
addi ti on, N S i s uni nf or m ati ve: was the P val ue sm al l (0. 07, f or ex am pl e) or l ar ge (0. 7)?
Indicating Missing Data

To i ndi cate data that ar e m i ssi ng, tw o sy stem s ar e used. One sy stem i s to put a dash and a f ootnote
sy m bol (f or ex am pl e, “— a ”) i n pl ace of the m i ssi ng data and, i n a f ootnote, to state “ a N ot
deter m i ned” or “ a N ot detectabl e” or w hatever (Tabl e 5). The other sy stem i s to w r i te “N D” i n pl ace of
the m i ssi ng data and to def i ne N D i n a f ootnote (Tabl e 4). The dash pl us f ootnote sy m bol i s
pr ef erabl e because i t i s v i sual l y di sti nct and m akes the data that ar e pr esent easi er to see (com par e
Tabl es 4 and 5). Do not l eave a bl ank space w her e ther e ar e no data because a bl ank space i s
am bi guous. It coul d m ean “not deter m i ned” or “not detectabl e,” or i t coul d be an er r or.
Footnotes
Footnotes ar e phrases or sentences pl aced bel ow the body of the tabl e that ex pl ai n i tem s i n the ti tl e,
col um n headi ngs, or body of the tabl e. The i tem s ex pl ai ned ar e usual l y ex per i m ental m ethods
(Tabl es 2 and 4), the m eani ng of abbr ev i ati ons or sy m bol s (Tabl e 4), and stati sti cal i nf or m ati on
(Tabl es 2, 3, and 6).
In addi ti on, f ootnotes can be used to substi tute f or a col um n of val ues that ar e al l the sam e. For
ex am pl e, i f al l data ar e f or 11 di al y si s pr ocedur es, a col um n f or sam pl e si ze i s not necessar y.
Instead, the val ue can be m enti oned i n a f ootnote, pr ef erabl y i n the sam e f ootnote that def i nes the
data as m eans ± SD: “Data ar e m eans ± SD f or 11 di al y si s pr ocedur es” (not “Data ar e m eans ± SD,
n = 11”). General l y, “n” by i tsel f i s not a cl ear abbr ev i ati on ei ther i n a col um n headi ng or i n a
f ootnote. It i s al way s cl ear er to w r i te “N um ber of Sam pl es,” “N um ber of Rabbi ts,” or w hatever f or a
col um n headi ng (see Tabl e 2), or “i n 25 sam pl es,” “f or 16 rabbi ts,” or w hatever i n a f ootnote (see
Tabl e 3).
To ex pl ai n stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant di f f er ences betw een data, the usual practi ce i s to put a f ootnote
sy m bol , such as *, af ter each val ue that i s di f f er ent and then i n the f ootnote to state the stati sti c,
w hat val ues you ar e com par i ng, and the test used. Tw o phrases com m onl y used f or ex pl ai ni ng
si gni f i cant di f f er ences ar e “*si gni f i cantl y di f f er ent f r om the contr ol val ue, P < 0. 01 by (nam e of the
stati sti cal test)” and “*P < 0. 01 v s. contr ol by (nam e of the stati sti cal test)” (or 0. 02, or w hatever ;
or v s. another tr eatm ent gr oup, etc. ). The i m por tant thi ng i s not to w r i te si m pl y “*P < 0. 05,”
because then the r eader has to guess w hi ch val ues you ar e com par i ng. Al though com par i sons ar e
of ten w i th contr ol data, they can al so be w i th val ues obtai ned af ter other tr eatm ents, so i t i s
cl ear est al way s to state w hi ch val ues ar e bei ng com par ed (see Tabl es 2, 3, 6).
The or der of i nf or m ati on i n f ootnotes i s the sam e as the or der of i nf or m ati on i n a f i gur e l egend: f i r st
ex per i m ental detai l s (i n sentences), then def i ni ti ons of abbr ev i ati ons and sy m bol s not def i ned ear l i er
i n the f ootnotes, and f i nal l y stati sti cal detai l s. One excepti on i s that the statem ent of how data ar e
sum m ar i zed (f or ex am pl e, “Val ues ar e m ean ± SD”) f r equentl y appear s bef or e def i ni ti ons of
abbr ev i ati ons (see Tabl es 4 and 6).
Footnotes shoul d be br i ef and f ew. They shoul d not over bal ance the body of the tabl e.
Footnotes ar e usual l y i denti f i ed by super scr i pt sy m bol s or super scr i pt l etter s. One standar d ser i es of
f ootnote sy m bol s i s *, †, ‡, §, ||, ¶, # , **, ††, etc. (Tabl e 5). Letter s used to i denti f y f ootnotes ar e
i n l ow er case: a, b, c, etc. (Tabl e 1). When f ootnotes ar e used onl y to show stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant
di f f er ences,
P. 249
som eti m es the f ol l ow i ng ser i es of sy m bol s i s used: *P < 0. 05, **P < 0. 01, ***P < 0. 001. Som e
jour nal s do not use f ootnote sy m bol s or l etter s f or f ootnotes that appl y to the enti r e tabl e but onl y
f or f ootnotes that appl y to a si ngl e i tem i n the tabl e.
Footnote sy m bol s or l etter s ar e pl aced i n sequence f r om l ef t to r i ght and then dow n, the sam e as the
di r ecti on i n w hi ch w e r ead (Tabl e 5).
The Size of Tables

Tabl es shoul d contai n nei ther so m any data as to be over w hel m i ng nor so f ew data as to be
unnecessar y.
Som eti m es an excessi vel y l ar ge or excessi vel y sm al l tabl e i s necessar y or desi rabl e. For ex am pl e, a
l ar ge tabl e m ay be needed to gi ve back gr ound data f or a l ar ge num ber of subjects or to gi ve
i ndi v i dual ex per i m ental data f or al l subjects, ani m al s, or speci m ens. A sm al l tabl e m ay be desi rabl e
to pr esent data f or the m ost i m por tant poi nt i n the paper, even i f the val ues w oul d take up l ess
space i n the tex t, because a tabl e has m or e v i sual i m pact.
N ever thel ess, i n general , a tabl e shoul d have enough data to be m or e ef f i ci ent than pr esenti ng the
data i n the tex t, shoul d be sm al l enough to be r eadabl e, and shoul d be as com pact as possi bl e
w i thout sacr i f i ci ng cl ar i ty. The sol uti on to a tabl e that has ver y f ew data i s usual l y to om i t the tabl e
and to w r i te the val ues i n the tex t. Som e sol uti ons to a tabl e that i s too l ar ge ar e to om i t
unnecessar y col um ns or r ow s of i nf or m ati on; to keep the ti tl e, col um n headi ngs, and f ootnotes br i ef ;
and, i f necessar y, to br eak the tabl e i nto tw o sm al l er tabl es. (For an excel l ent ex am pl e of one cl ear
tabl e cr eated f r om tw o excessi vel y l ar ge tabl es by om i tti ng unnecessar y r ow s of data and
r edesi gni ng the r em ai ni ng i nf or m ati on, see “Tabl es w i th Several Si m ul taneous Faul ts” i n Woodf or d,
Chap. 10, Desi gn of Tabl es and Fi gur es. ) In par ti cul ar, i f the pur pose of the tabl e i s to m ake a poi nt,
do ever y thi ng i n your pow er to m ake the tabl e as sm al l as possi bl e so that the poi nt i s appar ent, not
bur i ed i n al l the num ber s.
To om i t unnecessar y col um ns of i nf or m ati on,
Om i t a col um n of l ess i m por tant data (f or ex am pl e, conf i r m ator y data).
Om i t a col um n of easi l y cal cul ated data that ar e not central to the poi nt of the stor y. For
ex am pl e, i f you r epor t str oke vol um e, hear t rate, and m i nute vol um e (w hi ch equal s str oke
vol um e ti m es hear t rate), one of those var i abl es coul d pr obabl y be om i tted.
Om i t a col um n that contai ns onl y one val ue; r epor t that val ue i n the tex t.
Om i t a col um n i n w hi ch al l or m ost val ues ar e the sam e; put the i nf or m ati on i n a shor t f ootnote
or i n the tex t.
Om i t a col um n of P val ues; put sy m bol s af ter the val ues that ar e di f f er ent.
To keep col um n headi ngs br i ef and thus save space i n the tabl e, use shor t ter m s or abbr ev i ati ons i n
the col um n headi ngs and subheadi ngs, and ex pl ai n the abbr ev i ati ons i n f ootnotes i f necessar y.
Because of the need to save space, m or e abbr ev i ati ons ar e used i n tabl es than i n the tex t. For
ex am pl e, i n the col um n headi ng “Cycl i c GMP Concn,” “concn” i s used i nstead of “concentrati on” and
GMP i s used i nstead of “guani di ne m onophosphate.” Another possi bi l i ty i s “[Cycl i c GMP].” In the
col um n headi ng “Recover y (% of total ),” “%” i s used i nstead of “per cent.” “Concn” and “%” do not
need to be def i ned. But i f an abbr ev i ati on, even a standar d abbr ev i ati on, such as “FRC,” i s used as a
col um n headi ng, def i ne i t i n a f ootnote (“FRC, f uncti onal r esi dual capaci ty ”). If the abbr ev i ati on i s
not def i ned i n a f ootnote, r eader s w ho do not k now the m eani ng (and ther e ar e al way s som e r eader s
i n thi s categor y ) have to sear ch
P. 250
thr ough the tex t to f i nd the def i ni ti on, w hi ch i s i nconveni ent. [Ex cepti on: Abbr ev i ati ons that ar e m or e
f am i l i ar than the w or ds they stand f or do not need to be def i ned; f or ex am pl e, DN A
(deox y r i bonucl ei c aci d). GMP m ay be another ex am pl e. ] Def i ni ti ons ar e needed onl y i n the f i r st tabl e
i n w hi ch the abbr ev i ati ons appear. In l ater tabl es, use a f ootnote to r ef er r eader s to the tabl e w her e
the abbr ev i ati ons ar e def i ned, f or ex am pl e, “Abbr ev i ati ons as i n Tabl e II.”
Al though col um n headi ngs shoul d be br i ef, they do not necessar i l y have to be w r i tten as
abbr ev i ati ons. If space per m i ts w r i ti ng out the nam e of a var i abl e i n a col um n headi ng, do so. For
ex am pl e, “hear t rate” pr obabl y never needs to be abbr ev i ated.
Al so, tr y to use the shor test and the f ew est f ootnotes possi bl e. An excess of f ootnotes i s not an
i m pr ovem ent over l ong headi ngs. Thus, i n Tabl e 3, the col um n headi ngs ar e l ong and the f ootnotes
ar e br i ef and f ew.
In addi ti on to om i tti ng unnecessar y data and keepi ng col um n headi ngs and f ootnotes br i ef, avoi d
r epeti ti on of i nf or m ati on w i thi n a tabl e. For ex am pl e, i f the ti tl e say s “i n 10 Lam bs,” you do not need
a col um n l abel ed “N um ber of Lam bs” or a f ootnote say i ng “Data ar e f or 10 l am bs.”
If af ter tr y i ng al l these way s of shor teni ng a tabl e you sti l l have an excessi vel y l ar ge tabl e, consi der
di v i di ng the l ar ge tabl e i nto tw o sm al l er tabl es. Be car ef ul to keep data that ar e to be com par ed i n
one tabl e.
Format of Tables
A var i ety of f or m ats i s used f or tabl es, dependi ng on the jour nal . One detai l that i s standar d i s that
thr ee hor i zontal l i nes ar e used to separate the par ts of a tabl e: one above the col um n headi ngs, one
bel ow the col um n headi ngs, and one bel ow the data (Tabl es 1, 3, 6). If ther e ar e any subheadi ngs,
shor t hor i zontal l i nes ar e used to gr oup the subheadi ngs under the appr opr i ate headi ngs (Tabl es 2, 4,
5).
In addi ti on, som e jour nal s use hor i zontal l i nes betw een r ow s of data; other jour nal s use ver ti cal
l i nes betw een col um ns of data; sti l l other jour nal s use both hor i zontal and ver ti cal l i nes betw een
r ow s and col um ns. These ex tra l i nes gi ve the tabl e a cl utter ed l ook ; usual l y r ow s and col um ns can
be cl ear l y separated by adequate spaci ng. N ever thel ess, f ol l ow the practi ce of the jour nal to w hi ch
you ar e subm i tti ng your paper.
Most other detai l s of f or m at f or tabl es var y f r om jour nal to jour nal . Som e of these detai l s ar e the
use of a r om an or an arabi c tabl e num ber ; center i ng or f l ush l ef t pl acem ent of the tabl e num ber,
ti tl e, col um n headi ngs, and data; the use of capi tal l etter s and i tal i cs; the pl acem ent of f ootnotes;
and the ty pe of f ootnote sy m bol s used. The var i ety of f or m at detai l s i s i l l ustrated i n par t i n the
tabl es i n thi s chapter. For your paper s, f ol l ow the practi ce of the jour nal you ar e subm i tti ng your
paper to.
TELLING A STORY
Creating a Sequence of Figures and Tables
In addi ti on to each f i gur e and tabl e bei ng cl ear l y desi gned and the l egends f or f i gur es and the ti tl es
and f ootnotes f or tabl es bei ng cl ear l y w r i tten, the f i gur es and tabl es taken together shoul d f or m a
cl ear sequence that tel l s the stor y of the paper. To cr eate a cl ear sequence, desi gn the f i gur es to be
as paral l el
P. 251
as possi bl e, desi gn the tabl es to be as paral l el as possi bl e, w r i te f i gur e l egends of paral l el f i gur es i n
paral l el f or m , and w r i te ti tl es and f ootnotes of paral l el tabl es i n paral l el f or m . Thus, each f i gur e and
tabl e w i l l pr epar e the r eader f or the nex t f i gur e or tabl e.
For ex am pl e, i n a paper show i ng that pul m onar y venous bl ood f l ow (but not m i tral i nf l ow ) as
assessed by transesophageal pul sed Doppl er echocar di ography accuratel y esti m ates m ean l ef t atr i al
pr essur e as an i ndi cator of l ef t ventr i cul ar per f or m ance, thr ee tabl es and f i ve f i gur es w er e used.
One tabl e and one f i gur e w er e used f or m ethods. The tabl e l i sted the character i sti cs of the pati ents
i n the study. The f i gur e, the vel oci tyti m e pr of i l es of pul m onar y venous f l ow and m i tral i nf l ow,
show ed how the vel oci tyti m e i ntegral s w er e m easur ed.
The r em ai ni ng tabl es and f i gur es pr esented data f or thr ee l i nes of ev i dence. For the f i r st l i ne of
ev i dence, Tabl e 2 l i sted the data show i ng the cor r el ati ons betw een m ean l ef t atr i al pr essur e and al l
the Doppl er var i abl es f or both pul m onar y venous f l ow and m i tral i nf l ow. In addi ti on, Fi g. 2, a
scatter gram , show ed the cor r el ati on betw een m ean l ef t atr i al pr essur e and the m ost str ongl y
cor r el ated pul m onar y venous f l ow var i abl e. For the second l i ne of ev i dence, Fi g. 3, tw o
scatter gram s, show ed the cor r el ati ons betw een changes i n m ean l ef t atr i al pr essur e and changes i n
the m ost str ongl y cor r el ated pul m onar y f l ow var i abl e and i n the m ost str ongl y cor r el ated m i tral
i nf l ow var i abl e. For the thi r d l i ne of ev i dence, Tabl e 3 l i sted val ues f or al l the var i abl es m easur ed at
both nor m al and el evated m ean l ef t atr i al pr essur es, show i ng that val ues w er e di f f er ent at el evated
m ean l ef t atr i al pr essur es. In addi ti on, Fi gur es 4 and 5, vel oci tyti m e pr of i l es, show ed pr i m ar y
ev i dence of changes i n pul m onar y venous f l ow patter ns (Fi g. 4) and m i tral i nf l ow patter ns (Fi g. 5) at
el evated m ean l ef t atr i al pr essur es, agai n i ndi cati ng the r el ati on betw een m ean l ef t atr i al pr essur e
and pul m onar y venous f l ow.
In these thr ee tabl es and f i ve f i gur es, paral l el desi gn and paral l el ti tl es w er e used w henever
possi bl e. For ex am pl e, i n the tw o r esul ts tabl es, the var i abl es ar e l i sted i n the f i r st col um n on the
l ef t and the appr opr i ate data ar e i n the col um ns on the r i ght. In addi ti on, f or the tw o cor r el ati on
f i gur es and f or the tw o vel oci tyti m e pr of i l es show i ng the ef f ect of i ncr easi ng m ean l ef t atr i al
pr essur e, the l egends ar e paral l el :
Fi g. 2. Cor r el ati on of the sy stol i c f racti on of pul m onar y venous f l ow w i th m ean l ef t atr i al
pr essur e. r , cor r el ati on coef f i ci ent; SEE, standar d er r or of the esti m ate; n, num ber of study
per i ods. The cur ved l i nes ar e 95% conf i dence i nter val s f or the m ean val ue of sy stol i c f racti on.
Fi g. 3. Cor r el ati on of changes i n the sy stol i c f racti on of pul m onar y venous f l ow (top) and
changes i n the rati o of peak ear l y to peak l ate di astol i c m i tral i nf l ow (Δ peak ear l y /l ate)
(bottom ) w i th changes i n m ean l ef t atr i al pr essur e (Δ m ean LAP). Abbr ev i ati ons as i n Fi g. 2.
Fi g. 4. Ef f ect of i ncr eased m ean l ef t atr i al pr essur e on pul m onar y venous f l ow patter ns. (etc. )
Fi g. 5. Ef f ect of i ncr eased m ean l ef t atr i al pr essur e, esti m ated by pul m onar y capi l l ar y w edge
pr essur e (PCWP), on m i tral i nf l ow patter ns. (etc. )
Because of the paral l el desi gns of the f i gur es and of the tabl es and the paral l el f or m of the f i gur e
l egends, the stor y of the paper i s cl ear f r om l ook i ng at the f i gur es and tabl es. For another ex am pl e
of f i gur es and tabl es that tel l the stor y of the paper, see Chapter 12, The Bi g Pi ctur e, Exer ci se 12. 1.
P. 252
Relating the Figures and Tables to the Text

In addi ti on to the f i gur es and tabl es f or m i ng a cl ear sequence, they m ust cl ear l y and accuratel y show
w hat the tex t states. That i s, the poi nt i l l ustrated i n a f i gur e or a tabl e m ust be the poi nt stated i n
the tex t. For ex am pl e, i f the tex t descr i bes an apparatus, the i m por tant f eatur es of the apparatus
m ust be i m m edi atel y v i si bl e i n the f i gur e. Si m i l ar l y, i f the tex t say s that w hen X was done, Y
i ncr eased, then i n the f i gur e Y shoul d l ook as i f i t i ncr eased. If the i ncr ease i s not obv i ous, the
f i gur e i s unconv i nci ng. Al so, i f som e val ues f r om graphs or tabl es ar e r estated i n the tex t, the nam e
of the var i abl e (and al l other key ter m s), the uni t of m easur em ent, and the val ues shoul d be the
sam e i n the tex t and i n the graph or tabl e.
Number of Figures and Tables

Fi nal l y, use the f ew est f i gur es and tabl es needed to tel l the stor y. The r eader can pul l the stor y
together m or e easi l y f r om 5 or 6 f i gur es and tabl es than f r om 15 or 16.
Do not pr esent the sam e data i n both a f i gur e and a tabl e. How ever, i t i s OK, f or ex am pl e, to have a
tabl e or a f i gur e sum m ar i zi ng data f or al l the ex per i m ents i n a ser i es and a f i gur e show i ng pr i m ar y
ev i dence, such as a pol ygraph r ecor di ng, f or a si ngl e ex per i m ent.
P. 253
SUMMARY OF GUIDELINES FOR FIGURES AND TABLES

FIGURES
Fi gur es ar e usual l y used to cl ar i f y m ethods or to pr esent ev i dence that suppor ts the r esul ts.
Desi gn f i gur es to have str ong v i sual i m pact.
Design
Draw draw i ngs and di agram s i n bl ack on w hi te and keep them si m pl e.
Make pr i m ar y ev i dence of hi gh qual i ty.
For hal f tone f i gur es (f or ex am pl e, m i cr ographs), m ake the photograph shar p and cl ear.
For photographs of pati ents, cover f aci al f eatur es to pr event i denti f i cati on w hen possi bl e, and
use A, B, etc., to r ef er to pati ents, not the pati ents' i ni ti al s.
For m i cr ographs:
Ensur e that contrast i s suf f i ci ent to m ake the f eatur es of i nter est cl ear.
Make the photograph just enough l ar ger than the f eatur es of i nter est to gi ve a sense of
w her e they ar e i n thei r contex t.
Make l abel s br i ef, f ew, and just bi g enough to be r eadi l y v i si bl e.
To show m agni f i cati on, use ei ther a scal e bar on the f i gur e (f or a general jour nal ) or a
num ber i n the l egend (f or a speci al ty jour nal ).
U se thi n w hi te l i nes to separate m i cr ographs gr ouped i nto pl ates.
N um ber each m i cr ograph i n the l ow er l ef t cor ner. U se a bl ack num ber i nsi de a w hi te ci r cl e
outl i ned by a bl ack l i ne.
For gel el ectr ophor etogram s, l abel the gel s and the i m por tant f racti ons. Label s shoul d not
over w hel m the data.
For pol ygraph r ecor di ngs:
If you r em ove gr i d l i nes, add ver ti cal scal es and hor i zontal scal es or scal e m ar ker s. Be
sur e the scal es and scal e m ar ker s ar e accurate.
Label each ax i s w i th the nam e of the var i abl e f ol l ow ed by the uni t of m easur em ent i n
par entheses. U se upper case and l ow er case l etter s f or the nam e of the var i abl e; use
Inter nati onal Sy stem (SI) abbr ev i ati ons f or the uni ts of m easur em ent.
Label each scal e m ar ker w i th the uni t i t r epr esents.
Al i gn hor i zontal ax i s l abel s on the l ef t. Do not l et ax i s l abel s pr otr ude i nto the col um n of
scal e num ber s.
U se the appr opr i ate ty pe of graph to di spl ay the ty pe of data you have.
A l i ne graph i s a tw oax i s graph on w hi ch cur ves, data poi nts, or both show the r el ati on
betw een tw o var i abl es. Scal e each ax i s accuratel y.
A scatter gram i s a tw oax i s graph that pl ots i ndi v i dual data poi nts and f i ts a m athem ati cal
f uncti on to the poi nts to show how str ongl y tw o var i abl es ar e cor r el ated.
A bar graph i s a oneax i s graph f or com par i ng am ounts or f r equenci es f or cl asses of a

di sconti nuous or a “r el ati vescal e” var i abl e. In bar graphs, the ax i s m ust i ncl ude zer o.
An i ndi v i dual val ue bar graph i s a var i ati on on ver ti cal bar graphs i n w hi ch i ndi v i dual data
poi nts ar e show n ei ther i n addi ti on to or i nstead of the m ean. For pai r ed data, l i nes can be
draw n to show the di r ecti on of change.
A hi stogram i s a tw oax i s graph that show s a si ngl e f r equency di str i buti on by m eans of a ser i es
of conti guous r ectangl es. The r ectangl es i n a hi stogram shoul d be of equal w i dths.
P. 254
A f r equency pol ygon i s a tw oax i s graph that uses data poi nts joi ned by l i nes to show tw o or
m or e over l appi ng f r equency di str i buti ons or a si ngl e di str i buti on. Data poi nts ar e pl otted at the
m i dpoi nt of each cl ass and the l i nes joi ni ng the data poi nts ar e ex tended to the basel i ne to
com pl ete the di str i buti on.
Ensur e that each f i gur e i s easy to r ead.
Af ter the graph i s r educed to f i t the jour nal 's col um n, l etter s shoul d be l ar ge enough (at l east
1. 5 m m hi gh) to be l egi bl e.
Sy m bol s shoul d be l ar ge enough to be seen and easy to di sti ngui sh. The easi est data poi nt
sy m bol s to di sti ngui sh ar e • and ○; then [bl ack uppoi nti ng tr i angl e], [bl ack uppoi nti ng
tr i angl e].
Draw f i gur es to em phasi ze the data. In l i ne graphs:
Make cur ves the dar kest l i nes;
Make ax i s l abel s l ess dar k ;
Make axes, ti ck m ar k s, er r or bar s, key s, and cur ve l abel s the l east dar k .
Ensur e that each f i gur e m akes a cl ear poi nt.
Figure Legends
A f i gur e l egend has f our par ts:
Title
The ti tl e i s the f i r st i tem i n the f i gur e l egend; i t does not appear i n the f i gur e.
The ti tl e shoul d br i ef l y i denti f y the speci f i c topi c or the poi nt of the f i gur e. The ti tl e shoul d
contai n no excess detai l s and no abbr ev i ati ons.
For draw i ngs, di agram s, and pr i m ar y ev i dence, the ti tl e shoul d i denti f y the ty pe of f i gur e i f
necessar y and the apparatus, concept, or bi ol ogi cal speci m en show n. For ex am pl e, “Fi g. 1.
Br i ghtf i el d l i ght m i cr ograph of a segm ent of a bacter i al f i l am ent.”
For a graph, the standar d ti tl e i s “Ef f ect of X on Y i n Z” or “Y i n r esponse to X i n Z,” w her e X i s

the i ndependent var i abl e, Y i s the dependent var i abl e, and Z i s the ani m al or popul ati on and the
m ater i al . For ex per i m ents that have no i ndependent var i abl e, the standar d ti tl e i s “Y i n Z.” The
ti tl e m ay al so i ncl ude the poi nt of the graph. For ex am pl e, “Inhi bi ti on of Y by X i n Z.”
For com posi tes, pr ov i de a ti tl e f or the enti r e f i gur e and i denti f y the par ts of the com posi te
ei ther w i thi n the ti tl e or i n separate subti tl es.
Experimental Details
Gi ve just enough ex per i m ental detai l s to per m i t the r eader to under stand the f i gur e. In l egends
f or graphs, do not si m pl y r epeat the i nf or m ati on i n the ax i s l abel s.
Wr i te ex per i m ental detai l s i n sentences.
It i s unnecessar y to say “For detai l s, see Methods.”
Definitions
Sy m bol s, l i ne or bar patter ns, and abbr ev i ati ons that ar e not def i ned i n the f i gur e or ear l i er i n
the l egend shoul d be def i ned af ter ex per i m ental detai l s ar e gi ven. Keep def i ni ti ons br i ef. For
ex am pl e, “○, contr ol .”
If the sam e sy m bol s, l i ne or bar patter ns, or abbr ev i ati ons ar e used i n m or e than one f i gur e,
def i ne them i n the l egend f or the f i r st r el evant f i gur e onl y. In succeedi ng l egends, r ef er the
r eader to that l egend. For ex am pl e, “Abbr ev i ati ons as i n Fi g. 1.”
P. 255
Statistical Information
State w hether data poi nts or bar s r epr esent i ndi v i dual , m ean, or m edi an val ues and w hether
er r or bar s r epr esent standar d dev i ati ons, standar d er r or s of the m ean, conf i dence i nter val s, or
ranges.
State the sam pl e si ze (n).
Avoi d w r i ti ng “n = 12.” Wr i te “12 sam pl es,” “12 dogs,” or w hatever.
For data i n graphs that have been anal y zed by a stati sti cal test, state the stati sti c (f or
ex am pl e, the P val ue), w hi ch val ues w er e com par ed, and the stati sti cal test used. For ex am pl e,
“*P < 0. 01 v s. contr ol by AN OVA.”
Other Information
Other i nf or m ati on m ay be i ncl uded i n a f i gur e l egend.
A f i gur e l egend m ay i ncl ude statem ents poi nti ng out an unusual or an i nter esti ng f eatur e.
A f i gur e l egend shoul d not i ncl ude r esul ts as such. How ever, f or graphs, r esul ts can be i ndi cated
by stati ng the poi nt i n the ti tl e (“Inhi bi ti on of Y by X i n Z”). For f i gur es that show pr i m ar y
ev i dence, r esul ts can be i ndi cated by poi nti ng out a f eatur e on the f i gur e (“N ote…”).
If you r epubl i sh f i gur es that have al r eady been publ i shed, you m ust f i r st obtai n per m i ssi on f r om the
copy r i ght hol der (usual l y the publ i sher ) and f r om the author. Gi ve cr edi t to the sour ce by ci ti ng the
r ef er ence at the end of the f i gur e l egend. For ex am pl e, “Fr om Fraser (1975), w i th per m i ssi on.” Gi ve
the com pl ete r ef er ence i n the r ef er ence l i st. You m ust obtai n per m i ssi on w hether you use al l of the
or i gi nal f i gur e, par t of the f i gur e, or a m odi f i ed ver si on of the f i gur e.
TABLES
Tabl es ar e usual l y used to pr esent back gr ound i nf or m ati on r el ated to m ethods or to pr esent data.
Tabl es of data ei ther pr esent i ndi v i dual data f or al l subjects, ani m al s, or speci m ens studi ed or m ake
a poi nt.
Tabl es shoul d be ar ranged to have cl ear v i sual i m pact.
The Title
The ti tl e shoul d i denti f y the speci f i c topi c or the poi nt of the tabl e.
For ti tl es of tabl es that gi ve back gr ound i nf or m ati on or that pr esent data f or ex per i m ents that have
onl y dependent var i abl es, use the f or m “Y i n Z.”
For ti tl es of tabl es that pr esent data f or ex per i m ents that have both i ndependent and dependent
var i abl es, use the f or m “Ef f ect of X on Y i n Z” or “Y dur i ng X i n Z.”
Keep ti tl es br i ef by usi ng a categor y ter m i n pl ace of the nam es of tw o or m or e var i abl es.
U se the sam e key ter m s i n the ti tl e, the col um n headi ngs, and the tex t of the paper.
Column Headings
Gi ve each ty pe of i nf or m ati on i ts ow n col um n and i ts ow n col um n headi ng.
To subdi v i de a col um n headi ng i nto tw o or m or e categor i es, use subheadi ngs.
Put the uni t of m easur em ent (usual l y i n par entheses) af ter or bel ow the nam e of the var i abl e i n the
col um n headi ng.
P. 256
U se Inter nati onal Sy stem (SI) abbr ev i ati ons.
Choose uni ts that el i m i nate unnecessar y zer os.
Avoi d usi ng m ul ti pl i er s as a way of el i m i nati ng unnecessar y zer os.
The Body of the Table

In the col um ns on the l ef t, l i st the i tem s f or w hi ch data ar e gi ven; l i st these i tem s i n a l ogi cal or der
accor di ng to the ex per i m ental desi gn (f or ex am pl e, i n i ncr easi ng or decr easi ng or der ). In the
col um ns on the r i ght, pr esent the data. For ex per i m ents that have both i ndependent and dependent
var i abl es, the col um n(s) on the l ef t ar e the i ndependent var i abl e(s) and the col um n(s) on the r i ght
ar e the dependent var i abl e(s).
Pr esent contr ol data f i r st (that i s, i n the top r ow ).
If sam pl e si zes (n) ar e di f f er ent, l i st them i n a col um n betw een the i ndependent and the dependent
var i abl es.
Ar range data to r eveal tr ends dow n a col um n or acr oss a r ow or to per m i t easy com par i son betw een
adjacent col um ns or r ow s. Put standar d dev i ati ons (SD), standar d er r or s of the m ean (SEM),
conf i dence i nter val s (CI), or ranges ei ther to the r i ght of or bel ow the m eans or m edi ans, dependi ng
on w hether r eader s need to r ead dow n the col um ns or acr oss the r ow s, r especti vel y.
Pr esent data to the f ew est possi bl e deci m al pl aces; have the sam e num ber of deci m al pl aces i n al l
val ues f or one var i abl e; have the sam e num ber of deci m al pl aces i n the SD as i n the m ean.
Al i gn al l val ues i n each col um n on the deci m al poi nt, and i f you gi ve SDs or SEMs af ter a ± to the
r i ght of the m eans, al so al i gn al l val ues on the ± so that the data w i l l be easy to com par e.
For excessi vel y w i de tabl es, ei ther pl ace SDs bel ow m eans, sw i tch the i ndependent and dependent
var i abl es (r un the dependent var i abl es dow n the f i r st col um n on the l ef t), see i f the jour nal w i l l r un
the tabl e acr oss tw o pages, or r un the tabl e the l ength of the page rather than the w i dth of the page.
The di sadvantage of sw i tchi ng the i ndependent and dependent var i abl es i s that the val ues w i l l not
al i gn neatl y on the deci m al poi nt, so the m agni tude of i ndi v i dual num ber s w i l l not be i m m edi atel y
obv i ous.
To i ndi cate stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant di f f er ences betw een data, use a sy m bol (such as *) af ter the
val ue that i s di f f er ent and def i ne the sy m bol i n a f ootnote.
To i ndi cate m i ssi ng data, use a dash f ol l ow ed by a f ootnote sy m bol (f or ex am pl e, “— a ”), and i n a
f ootnote w r i te “ a N ot deter m i ned,” “ a N ot detectabl e,” or w hatever, or w r i te “N D” i n pl ace of the
m i ssi ng data and def i ne N D i n a f ootnote. A dash i s v i sual l y m or e ef f ecti ve than N D i s. Do not l eave
a bl ank space w hen data ar e m i ssi ng because a bl ank space i s am bi guous.
Footnotes
U se f ootnotes to ex pl ai n i tem s i n the ti tl e, col um n headi ngs, or body of a tabl e, such as
ex per i m ental detai l s or abbr ev i ati ons, and to substi tute f or a col um n of val ues that ar e al l the sam e,
such as n. For ex am pl e, “Data ar e m ean ± SD f or 11 di al y si s pr ocedur es. ”
U se f ootnotes to ex pl ai n stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant di f f er ences. For ex am pl e, “*P < 0. 01 v s. contr ol by
AN OVA.” Do not w r i te onl y “P < 0. 01” because that does not i ndi cate w hi ch val ues ar e bei ng
com par ed.
Put i nf or m ati on i n f ootnotes i n the sam e or der as i nf or m ati on i n a f i gur e l egend: f i r st ex per i m ental
detai l s (i n sentences), then def i ni ti ons of abbr ev i ati ons and sy m bol s, and f i nal l y stati sti cal detai l s
(except put “Val ues ar e m ean ± SD” bef or e def i ni ti ons of abbr ev i ati ons).
P. 257
Keep f ootnotes br i ef and f ew.
U se super scr i pt sy m bol s or super scr i pt l ow er case l etter s to i denti f y f ootnotes. One standar d ser i es
of f ootnote sy m bol s i s *, †, ‡, §, ||, ¶, # , **, ††, etc. A ser i es of sy m bol s som eti m es used to show
stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant di f f er ences i s *P < 0. 05, **P < 0. 01, ***P < 0. 001.
Pl ace f ootnote sy m bol s or l etter s i n sequence f r om l ef t to r i ght and then dow n.
The Size of Tables

Avoi d m ak i ng tabl es so l ar ge as to be over w hel m i ng or so sm al l as to be unnecessar y. How ever, a
l ar ge tabl e m ay be needed to pr esent back gr ound data or i ndi v i dual ex per i m ental data.
If the pur pose of the tabl e i s to m ake a poi nt, keep the tabl e as condensed as possi bl e. To condense
a l ar ge tabl e, om i t unnecessar y col um ns or r ow s of i nf or m ati on and keep the ti tl e, col um n headi ngs,
and f ootnotes br i ef. If necessar y, br eak a l ar ge tabl e i nto tw o sm al l er tabl es, keepi ng data that ar e
to be com par ed i n the sam e tabl e.
Avoi d r epeti ti on of i nf or m ati on w i thi n a tabl e.
Format of Tables
U se thr ee hor i zontal l i nes: one above the col um n headi ngs, one bel ow the col um n headi ngs, and one
bel ow the data.
U se a shor t hor i zontal l i ne to gr oup subheadi ngs under a headi ng.
If the jour nal al so uses other hor i zontal or ver ti cal l i nes, add them .
Fol l ow jour nal sty l e f or detai l s such as r om an or arabi c tabl e num ber ; center ed or f l ush l ef t tabl e
num ber, ti tl e, col um n headi ngs, and data; capi tal l etter s and i tal i cs; the pl acem ent of f ootnotes; the
ty pe of f ootnote sy m bol s.
Telling a Story
To cr eate a cl ear sequence of f i gur es and tabl es that tel l s the stor y of the paper, m ake the f i gur es
and thei r l egends as paral l el as possi bl e, and m ake the tabl es and thei r ti tl es and f ootnotes as
paral l el as possi bl e.
Check that each f i gur e and each tabl e cl ear l y and accuratel y show s w hat the tex t states.
Check that val ues r epeated i n the tex t ar e accurate.
U se the f ew est f i gur es and tabl es needed to tel l the stor y.
Do not pr esent the sam e data i n both a f i gur e and a tabl e. How ever, pr i m ar y ev i dence (f or ex am pl e,
a pol ygraph r ecor di ng) m ay be show n i n addi ti on to a f i gur e or a tabl e of sum m ar i zed data.
P. 258
EXERCISE 8.1: DESIGN OF FIGURES AND TABLES AND THEIR

RELATION TO THE TEXT
1. As s e s s the de s ign of the figure a nd ta ble be low a nd a ls o how w e ll the y re la te to the te x t.
2. As s e s s the figure le ge nd a nd the ta ble title .
3. Re de s ign the figure a nd the ta ble , a nd re vis e the le ge nd, ta ble title , a nd te x t a s
ne c e s s a ry.
The firs t que s tion this pa pe r a s k s is , “ How s e ve re is c iga re tte s mok e induc e d
bronc hoc ons tric tion?”
Re s ults ?
Inha la tion of c iga re tte s mok e into the lungs of a ne s the tize d dogs c a us e d tw o to e ightfold
inc re a s e s in a irflow re s is ta nc e of the tota l re s pira tory s ys te m de pe nding on the dos e of s mok e
inha le d (Fig. 2). Airflow re s is ta nc e inc re a s e d ra pidly a fte r the s ta rt of s mok e inha la tion; the
ma x imum w a s re a c he d w ithin 1 min. Airflow re s is ta nc e re ma ine d inc re a s e d tra ns ie ntly,
de c re a s e d to one ha lf the ma x ima l va lue w ithin 4 min (Ta ble I), a nd re turne d to ba s e line
be fore the ne x t dos e 20 min la te r (Fig. 2).
Fig. 2. Ciga re tte s mok e induc e d

bronc hoc ons tric tion in 5 a ne s the tize d
dogs . Da ta a re me a ns ± SE be fore
([bla c k uppointing tria ngle ]) a nd
a fte r (•) 1, 2, or 4 tida lvolume
inha la tions of c iga re tte s mok e .
Inha la tions w e re s e pa ra te d by 20 min.
Table I Time course of bronchoconstriction after inhalation of
two tidal volumes of cigarette smoke in 5 dogs
Airflow Re s is ta nc e (% of ba s e line )
Dog No. ½ min 1 min 2 min 4 min
1 482 582 109 264
2 347 276 175 166
3 323 195 141 151
4 610 333 305 314
5 133 107 210 57
m ean ± SD 379 ± 179 299 ± 180 188 ± 75 190 ± 101
Hi de Answ er
COMMENTS
In thi s Resul ts secti on, the f i gur e and tabl e ar e not cl ear l y desi gned and do not r el ate w el l
to the tex t.
Figure 2
Type of G ra ph. A bar gr aph w oul d show the i ncr eases i n ai r f l ow r esi stance and the bef or e
and af ter v al ues m or e cl ear l y than a l i ne gr aph does.
Ax is . At f i r st gl ance, the ax i s l ook s l ogar i thm i c, but i t i s actual l y l i near . To m ak e i t l ook

l i near , ti ck m ar k s and scal e num ber s shoul d be pl aced at equal i nter v al s.
Mor e ti ck m ar k s coul d be added to m ak e the tw of ol d and ei ghtf ol d i ncr eases easi er to see.
Re la tion to the Te x t. Once ti ck m ar k s ar e added, i t i s easy to see that “ei ghtf ol d” i s a bi t

of an ex agger ati on. The r eal v al ue i s betw een sev en and ei ghtf ol d. It i s better to
under esti m ate than to ov er esti m ate, so that r eader s w i l l not thi nk y ou ar e tr y i ng to i nf l ate
the data.
U si ng the sam e k ey ter m s i n the tex t, f i gur e l egend, and ax i s l abel w oul d m ak e the
r el ati on betw een the f i gur e and the tex t cl ear er . The i ndi cator (“ai r f l ow r esi stance”) shoul d
be used i n the f i gur e l egend, not the v ar i abl e (“br onchoconstr i cti on”), because ai r f l ow
r esi stance i s w hat w as m easur ed. The k ey ter m “ai r f l ow r esi stance” shoul d al so be used i n
the ax i s l abel . If the abbr ev i ati on (Rr s) i s used, i t shoul d be def i ned i n the f i gur e l egend.
Si m i l ar l y “dose of sm ok e i nhal ed” i n the tex t does not cor r el ate w el l w i th “num ber of
sm ok e i nhal ati ons” i n the f i gur e.
Figure Le ge nd. To state the poi nt, “i ncr eases i n ai r f l ow r esi stance” shoul d be used i nstead
of “br onchoconstr i cti on. ”
The f i gur e l egend coul d be r ev i sed to gi v e m ost ex per i m ental detai l s bef or e the stati sti cal
detai l s. In addi ti on, the ti m es of m easur em ent coul d be added.
To show the v ar i abi l i ty of the data, r ather than how cl ose the m easur ed m ean i s to the
tr ue m ean, SD coul d be show n (as i n Tabl e 1) i nstead of SE.
Ta ble I
Type of Illus tra tion.
A l i ne gr aph show s ti m e cour se m or e cl ear l y than a tabl e does.
Re la tion to the Te x t.
The tex t say s that the m ax i m um w as r eached w i thi n 1 m i n, but the m eans show that the
m ax i m um w as r eached w i thi n ½ m i n. If i nstead y ou l ook at i ndi v i dual data, y ou w oul d
hav e to say that the m ean w as r eached w i thi n 2 m i n (dogs 2–4, ½ m i n; dog 1, 1 m i n; dog
5, 2 m i n). Si m i l ar l y , ai r f l ow r esi stance decr eased to onehal f the m ax i m al v al ue w i thi n 2
m i n (the m ean of 188% at 2 m i n i s not di f f er ent f r om 190% at 4 m i n).
In the ti tl e, “br onchoconstr i cti on” shoul d be changed to “ai r f l ow r esi stance. ”
Re vis ion
Re s ults
Inhal ati on of ci gar ette sm oke i nto the l ungs of anestheti zed dogs caused tw o to sevenf ol d
i ncr eases i n ai r f l ow r esi stance of the total r espi rator y sy stem dependi ng on the num ber of
ti dal vol um es of sm oke i nhal ed (Fi g. 2). Ai r f l ow r esi stance i ncr eased rapi dl y af ter the star t
of sm oke i nhal ati on; on average, the m ax i m um was r eached w i thi n ½ m i n (Fi g. 3). Ai r f l ow
r esi stance r em ai ned i ncr eased transi entl y, decr eased to onehal f the m ax i m al val ue w i thi n
2 m i n (Fi g. 3), and r etur ned to basel i ne bef or e the nex t dose 20 m i n l ater [f i gur e ci tati on
om i tted].
P. 259
EXERCISE 8.2: TABLE DESIGN AND RELATION TO THE TEXT

1. As s e s s the title a nd the a rra nge me nt of the ta ble be low .
2. Als o c ompa re the ta ble w ith the re le va nt re s ults (pa ra s . 2 a nd 3 of Re s ults ).
3. The n re vis e the ta ble to ma k e the point c le a re r.
The que s tion this pa pe r a s k s is , “ Do pe ritone a l dia lys is a nd he modia lys is ha ve s imila r e ffe c ts
on pla s ma c hole s te rol me ta bolis m in pa tie nts w ith e nds ta ge re na l dis e a s e ?” The a ns w e r is
“ no. ”
Re s ults
1. The c onc e ntra tions of pla s ma tota l a nd fre e c hole s te rol a nd the phos pholipid c onte nt
w e re s ignific a ntly low e r in the he modia lys is pa tie nts tha n in the pe ritone a l dia lys is
pa tie nts or the c ontrol group (Ta ble I). The s e low e r va lue s w e re pa rtly re fle c te d by the
low e r c onc e ntra tions of highde ns ity lipoprote in (HDL) a nd the low e r HDL c hole s te rol in
the he modia lys is pa tie nts .
2. Cons is te nt w ith the low e r HDL c onc e ntra tions , the ma jor HDL a polipoprote in, a po AI,
w a s muc h low e r in the he modia lys is pa tie nts tha n in the c ontrol group, w he re a s the va lue
for the pe ritone a l dia lys is pa tie nts w a s inte rme dia te (Ta ble II). Apo AII c onc e ntra tions
w e re ve ry s imila r in a ll thre e groups . Apo B a nd a po E w e re in the norma l ra nge in both
groups of pa tie nts . Apo D w a s s lightly highe r in the tw o groups of pa tie nts tha n in the
c ontrols .
3. The ra tio of highde ns ity lipoprote in a nd low de ns ity lipoprote in (e x pre s s e d he re a s the
ra tio be tw e e n the ir ma jor a polipoprote ins , a po AI a nd a po B, re s pe c tive ly) w a s
s ignific a ntly low e r in the he modia lys is pa tie nts tha n in the c ontrols (Ta ble II). Va lue s
w e re inte rme dia te in the pe ritone a l dia lys is pa tie nts .
Table II. Plasma Apoprotein Levels in Renal Disease and

Control Subjects
He modia lys is Controls CAP D
Apo AI ( m g/dl ) 102 ± 17 163 ± 123

23 ±
20
(P < 0. 0005)
Apo AII ( m g/dl ) 34. 8 ± 6. 5 36. 4 ± 36

2. 0 ± 4
Apo B (m g/dl ) 89 ± 14 98 ± 94
32 ± 8
Apo D (m g/dl ) 6. 7 ± 1. 3 5. 6 ± 9. 5
1. 2 ±
1. 0
(P < 0. 0005)
Apo E (m g/dl ) 6. 8 ± 0. 8 7. 3 ± 7. 5
1. 6 ±
0. 9
Apo AI/Apo B 1. 15 ± 0. 18 1. 7 ± 1. 3
0. 6 ±
0. 2
(0. 005 < P < 0. 010)
Val ues r epr esent m eans ± standar d dev i ati on f r om

15 hem odi al y si s, 6 per i toneal di al y si s, and 10
contr ol subjects.
Hi de Answ er
Re vis ion
Table II. Effects of Peritoneal Dialysis and

Hemodialysis on Plasma Apoproteins in Patients
Who Have EndStage Renal Disease
P la s ma Apoprote in (mg/dl)
Apo AI/Apo B Tre a tme nt Apo AI Apo Apo B Apo D Apo E
AII
Contr ol 163 ± 23 36. 4 ± 98 ± 5. 6 ± 7. 3 ± 1. 7 ±
2. 0 32 1. 2 1. 6 0. 6
Per i toneal 123 ± 20 36. 0 ± 94 ± 9. 5 ± 7. 5 ± 1. 3 ±

Di al y si s 4. 0 8 1. 0* 0. 9 0. 2
Hem odi al y si s 102 ± 34. 8 ± 89 ± 6. 7 ± 6. 8 ± 1. 2 ±

17* 6. 5 14 1. 3 0. 8 0. 2 †
Val ues ar e m eans ± SD f r om 10 contr ol subjects, 6 per i toneal di al y si s pati ents,

and 15 hem odi al y si s pati ents.
* P < 0. 0005, † P < 0. 01 v s. contr ol .
COMMENTS
The or i gi nal tabl e i s gener al l y cl ear , but i t can be m ade cl ear er .
Title a nd Column He a dings .
In the r ev i si on, to m ak e the ti tl e com pl ete, the i ndependent v ar i abl es (per i toneal di al y si s
and hem odi al y si s) hav e been added and the contr ol subjects hav e been om i tted. As a
r esul t, the k ey ter m s i n the ti tl e cor r el ate w i th the k ey ter m s i n the f i r st col um n on the
l ef t (per i toneal di al y si s, hem odi al y si s).
In addi ti on, the col um n headi ng “Pl asm a Apopr otei n” has been added, cor r el ati ng w i th that
ter m i n the ti tl e, and the uni t of m easur em ent (m g/dl ) i s i ncl uded af ter thi s gener al
headi ng r ather than bei ng stated af ter each i ndi v i dual apopr otei n.
Instead of a ti tl e i n the f or m “Ef f ects of X on Y i n Z,” the ti tl e coul d be i n the f or m “Y af ter

X i n Z,” and the poi nt (“Gr eater Changes”) coul d be i ncl uded:
Pl asm a Apopr otei ns Af ter Per i toneal Di al y si s or Hem odi al y si s i n Pati ents Who Hav e End
Stage Renal Di sease
Changes i n Pl asm a Apopr otei ns Af ter Per i toneal Di al y si s or Hem odi al y si s i n Pati ents Who
Hav e EndStage Renal Di sease
Gr eater Changes i n Pl asm a Apopr otei ns Af ter Hem odi al y si s than Af ter Per i toneal Di al y si s i n
Pati ents Who Hav e EndStage Renal Di sease.
Rel ati on to the Tex t.
To m ak e the tabl e show the decr eases i n apo AI and i n apo AI/apo B descr i bed i n the
tex t, the contr ol v al ues hav e been m ov ed to the f i r st r ow (as i s conv enti onal ), per i toneal
di al y si s v al ues ar e i n the m i ddl e (“i nter m edi ate”), and the hem odi al y si s v al ues ar e l ast
(“m uch l ow er ”).
In addi ti on, the pati ents ar e descr i bed f ul l y i n the ti tl e, as i n the questi on (“pati ents w ho
hav e endstage r enal di sease”).
Show ing Signific a nt Diffe re nc e s .
To show stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant di f f er ences, sy m bol s (*, † ) hav e been pl aced af ter the
v al ues that ar e di f f er ent, and f ootnotes hav e been added to state the P v al ues and w hat
num ber s ar e bei ng com par ed.
P re s e nta tion of Numbe rs .
To m ak e the num ber s al i gn neatl y on the deci m al poi nt and on the ± , the col um ns and
r ow s of the tabl e hav e been sw i tched: i ndependent v ar i abl e i n the f i r st col um n on the l ef t,
dependent v ar i abl es acr oss the col um ns on the r i ght.
Once the data ar e al i gned i n col um ns, i t i s easi er to see that data f or apo AII and f or apo
AI/apo B hav e di f f er ent num ber s of deci m al pl aces. In the r ev i sed tabl e, al l v al ues i n
each col um n hav e the sam e num ber of deci m al pl aces.
Back
Chapter 9
References
PURPOSES
The pur poses of i ncl udi ng r ef er ences i n sci enti f i c r esear ch paper s ar e to gi ve
cr edi t to the i deas and f i ndi ngs of other s and to di r ect r eader s to sour ces of
f ur ther i nf or m ati on.
SELECTING REFERENCES
Wher eas r ev i ew ar ti cl es, w hi ch pul l together and i nter pr et a l ar ge body of
i nf or m ati on, ci te a l ar ge num ber of r ef er ences, a r esear ch r epor t ci tes onl y
i m m edi atel y r el evant r ef er ences. When deci di ng w hi ch r ef er ences to i ncl ude i n
a r esear ch paper, sel ect the m ost val i d, the m ost avai l abl e, and the f ew est
r ef er ences.
Valid
The r ef er ences general l y consi der ed m ost val i d ar e jour nal ar ti cl es, because
jour nal ar ti cl es under go a r ev i ew pr ocess bef or e bei ng accepted f or publ i cati on,
al though the val i di ty of the r ev i ew pr ocess has yet to be establ i shed (Lock , A
Di f f i cul t Bal ance). Other val i d r ef er ences i ncl ude book s, Ph. D. theses, and
som e conf er ences pr oceedi ngs (those f or w hi ch paper s ar e r ev i ew ed).
Ref er ences consi der ed l ess val i d i ncl ude abstracts f or m eeti ngs, because
abstracts do not contai n enough i nf or m ati on to per m i t assessm ent of the w or k ,
and som e conf er ence pr oceedi ngs (those f or w hi ch paper s ar e not r ev i ew ed).
These l ess val i d r ef er ences shoul d be used pr i m ar i l y to cr edi t the sour ce of an
i dea, not to suppor t a concl usi on or an ar gum ent. Si m i l ar l y, per sonal
com m uni cati ons and unpubl i shed data or unpubl i shed obser vati ons shoul d be
used onl y f or such pur poses as suppor ti ng the r esul ts of pr el i m i nar y studi es or
ci ti ng paral l el r esul ts i n another study popul ati on. Because these “r ef er ences”
cannot be obtai ned and assessed, they do not consti tute str ong ev i dence and
ther ef or e shoul d not be used to suppor t concl usi ons or ar gum ents.
Available
The m ost avai l abl e r ef er ences f or m ost r eader s ar e jour nal ar ti cl es. Book s ar e
al so general l y avai l abl e. Ph. D. theses and pr oceedi ngs of m eeti ngs take m or e
tr oubl e to f i nd. When Ph. D. w or k i s publ i shed i n jour nal s, ci te the jour nal
ar ti cl e rather than the thesi s.
P. 261
Jour nal ar ti cl es that have not yet been publ i shed but that have been accepted
f or publ i cati on ar e r ef er r ed to as bei ng “i n pr ess” (Am er i can) or “i n the pr ess”
(Br i ti sh). These ar ti cl es can be l ocated f ai r l y easi l y by sear chi ng the
appr opr i ate jour nal begi nni ng about the ti m e the paper i n w hi ch the “i n pr ess”
r ef er ence i s ci ted was accepted. When ci ti ng an “i n pr ess” paper, i ncl ude the
ti tl e of the jour nal f ol l ow ed by the w or ds “i n pr ess.”
Ar ti cl es that have not yet been accepted ar e not avai l abl e and ther ef or e shoul d
not be i ncl uded i n the r ef er ence l i st. Even i f the jour nal per m i ts r ef er ences
such as “subm i tted” and “i n pr eparati on” i n the r ef er ence l i st, w or k that has not
yet been accepted shoul d not be i ncl uded i n the r ef er ence l i st. Instead, i t
shoul d be r ef er r ed to i n the tex t ei ther as a per sonal com m uni cati on (f or w or k
done by other s) or as an unpubl i shed obser vati on (f or w or k done by one or
m or e of the author s). The year of the per sonal com m uni cati on or obser vati on
shoul d be i ncl uded. Bef or e ci ti ng a per sonal com m uni cati on, check w i th the
author. The i nf or m ati on you thought you hear d m ay not be w hat the author
thought he or she sai d, or the r esul ts m ay not have been r epeatabl e. Som e
jour nal s r equi r e w r i tten conf i r m ati on of al l per sonal com m uni cati ons.
Few
To keep your r ef er ences to the f ew est necessar y, sel ect, as appr opr i ate, the
f i r st, the m ost i m por tant, the m ost el egant, and the m ost r ecent. Ci te r ev i ew
ar ti cl es w her e possi bl e. Al so, keep i n m i nd that r ef er ences ci ted i n the paper s
i n your r ef er ence l i st can l ead r eader s to ar ti cl es that you do not ci te i n your
paper.
ACCURACY
Accuracy of the References
The r ef er ences i n the r ef er ence l i st m ust be accurate. To ensur e that the
r ef er ences i n your l i sts ar e accurate, bui l d up a data base of r ef er ences that
you i m por t f r om Medl i ne.
You shoul d not ci te a r ef er ence that you have not r ead, at l east i n par t.
How ever, i f you m ust ci te an i dea f r om an ar ti cl e you cannot f i nd, m ake cl ear
that you di d not see the or i gi nal ar ti cl e by usi ng the f ol l ow i ng f or m of ci tati on:
Ex a mple 9. 1 Ref er ence f or an Ar ti cl e You Coul d N ot Fi nd
Pow el l JA. Ti tl e. Pl uger s Ar chi v 1972;XX: x x–x x (ci ted by Jones RE. Ti tl e. J Appl
Phy si ol 1977;XX: x x–x x ).
Fi nal l y, to do your par t to keep i ndexes of the bi om edi cal l i teratur e cl ear, use
the sam e nam e and i ni ti al s thr oughout your car eer. If you change your nam e i n
your pr i vate l i f e, do not change i t i n your pr of essi onal l i f e. Si m i l ar l y, do not
add or dr op i ni ti al s. For ex am pl e, i f your nam e i s R. J. Gor don but your f r i ends
cal l you John, do not change your publ i shi ng nam e to J. Gor don par t way
thr ough your car eer.
P. 262
Accuracy of the Information

N ot onl y m ust the r ef er ences be accurate, but the i nf or m ati on you ci te m ust
al so be accurate. If you quote f r om a publ i shed paper, use quotati on m ar k s,
and check that ever y w or d and punctuati on m ar k i s ex actl y as i t was i n the
or i gi nal . If you paraphrase the i deas, check that your statem ent i s accurate and
f ai r —one that the author w oul d accept. Af ter you f i ni sh w r i ti ng the paper, r ead
the ar ti cl es you ci ted once agai n, to m ake sur e that your statem ents do not
m i sr epr esent the author s' i deas.
Correlation of the Reference List and the Text

Ever y r ef er ence i n the tex t m ust be i ncl uded i n the r ef er ence l i st and ever y
r ef er ence i n the r ef er ence l i st m ust be ci ted i n the tex t. Com puter pr ogram s
that do not per m i t di scr epanci es betw een r ef er ences i n the tex t and i n the
r ef er ence l i st ar e avai l abl e.
INCORPORATING REFERENCES INTO THE TEXT

Introducing Referenced Material in the Text
Ther e ar e tw o way s to ci te other s' i deas i n the tex t. One em phasi zes the
sci ence:
Ex a mple 9. 2 Ci tati on Em phasi zi ng Sci ence
Gl ucagon m ay i nf l uence hepati c r egenerati on (23).
The other em phasi zes the sci enti sts:
Ex a mple 9. 3 Ci tati on Em phasi zi ng Sci enti sts

Bucher and Swaf f i el d (23) r epor ted that gl ucagon m ay i nf l uence hepati c
r egenerati on.
Author s' nam es ar e not transi ti on w or ds. It i s usual l y easi er to keep the stor y
goi ng i n a paragraph i f you do not begi n a sentence w i th author s' nam es. Al so,
avoi d m i x i ng the tw o ty pes of ci tati on i n one paragraph unl ess you have a
par ti cul ar r eason f or doi ng so.
Referring to Authors of Other Papers

When r ef er r i ng to the author s of a paper, be car ef ul to i ncl ude al l author s and
then, i n l ater sentences, to use the appr opr i ate pr onoun. For a paper by one
author, use that author 's nam e: “devel oped by Li banof f (4).” For a paper by tw o
author s, use both author s' nam es ever y ti m e: “Bar r i ngton and Fi ner (16)
tr eated ni ne i nf ants.” For a paper by thr ee or m or e author s, use the f i r st
author 's nam e f ol l ow ed by the Lati n ter m “et al .,” w hi ch m eans “and other s.”
Som e jour nal s pr ef er Engl i sh ter m s such as “and other s” or “and col l eagues.”
“Et al .” or a si m i l ar ter m m ust be used ever y ti m e the author s of the paper ar e
m enti oned. It i s never appr opr i ate to r ef er to the paper onl y by the nam e of
the f i r st author : “Jack son et al . (12) r epor ted… . Jack son (12) al so f ound… .”
N ote that ther e i s no com m a betw een the f i r st author 's nam e and “et al .” In
P. 263
addi ti on, ther e i s no per i od af ter “et.” How ever, ther e i s a per i od af ter “al .,”
w hi ch i s an abbr ev i ati on f or “al i a.”
The appr opr i ate pr onoun f or Jack son et al . i s “they,” not “he.” Thus, “Jack son et
al . r epor ted… . He al so f ound…” i s not possi bl e. The appr opr i ate w or di ng i s
“Jack son et al . r epor ted… . They al so f ound… .”
Where to Place Reference Citations

General l y, pl ace r ef er ence ci tati ons af ter the i dea you ar e r ef er r i ng to (see
Ex am pl e 9. 2 above) or af ter the nam es of the author s i f the nam es ar e i ncl uded
i n the tex t (see Ex am pl e 9. 3 above). Do not put r ef er ence ci tati ons i n the
m i ddl e of an i dea (r ef er ence 29 i n Ex am pl e 9. 4 bel ow ) or af ter general
i ndi cati ons of a publ i shed w or k , such as “i n a r ecent study ” or “has been
r epor ted” (r ef er ence 16 i n Ex am pl e 9. 4).
Ex a mple 9. 4 Pl acem ent of Ref er ence Ci tati ons

In the rat, the concentrati on of nucl ear r eceptor s i n the brai n decr eases dur i ng
the f i r st 2 w eek s af ter bi r th (30), w her eas the r eceptor concentrati on i n l i ver
nucl ei i ncr eases (29) dur i ng thi s per i od. In addi ti on, a tem poral cor r el ati on has
been r epor ted (16) betw een the T 3 bi ndi ng capaci ty of nucl ei and the acti v i ty of
f atty aci d sy nthetase i n f etal rabbi t l ung.
Revision
In the rat, the concentrati on of nucl ear r eceptor s i n the brai n decr eases dur i ng
the f i r st 2 w eek s af ter bi r th (30), w her eas the r eceptor concentrati on i n l i ver
nucl ei i ncr eases dur i ng thi s per i od (29). In addi ti on, a tem poral cor r el ati on has
been r epor ted betw een the T 3 bi ndi ng capaci ty of nucl ei and the acti v i ty of
f atty aci d sy nthetase i n f etal rabbi t l ung (16).
Pl aci ng r ef er ence ci tati ons af ter i deas does not necessar i l y m ean that
r ef er ences w i l l com e at the end of the sentence. For ex am pl e, i t i s i m por tant to
di sti ngui sh betw een your i deas and the w or k of other s. Thus, i f you draw a
concl usi on based on another author 's f i ndi ngs, put the ci tati on af ter the
author 's f i ndi ng, not af ter your concl usi on (Ex am pl e 9. 5).
The potenti al f or m al i gnant transf or m ati on i n l i chen pl anus r equi r es that

cauti on be exer ci sed i n the l ongter m use of ster oi ds (12).
Revision
The potenti al f or m al i gnant transf or m ati on i n l i chen pl anus (12) r equi r es that
cauti on be exer ci sed i n the l ongter m use of ster oi ds.
Si m i l ar l y, w hen you have several r ef er ences f or several poi nts i n one sentence,
i t i s m or e usef ul to ci te each r ef er ence af ter the appr opr i ate poi nt than to
gr oup al l the r ef er ences together at the end of the sentence, especi al l y w hen
the r ef er ence l i st does not i ncl ude ti tl es of ar ti cl es.

Lef t atr i al pr essur e dy nam i cs have been show n to be i nver sel y r el ated to
pul m onar y venous bl ood f l ow i n dogs and hum ans and al so to i nf l uence m i tral
i nf l ow (8–12).
P. 264
Revision
Lef t atr i al pr essur e dy nam i cs have been show n to be i nver sel y r el ated to
pul m onar y venous bl ood f l ow i n dogs (8–10) and hum ans (8, 11) and al so to
i nf l uence m i tral i nf l ow (12).
SYSTEMS FOR CITING REFERENCES

Citing References in the Text
Tw o m ai n sy stem s ar e used f or ci ti ng r ef er ences i n the tex t: author and year
(Ex am pl e 9. 7) and num ber (Ex am pl e 9. 8). The num ber s used i n the tex t ar e
pr i nted as super scr i pts or as num ber s i n par entheses or brackets.
Ex a mple 9. 7 Author and Year Ci tati on
The r el ati onshi p i s descr i bed by a pow er f uncti on (y = ax b ) w i th an ex ponent

l ess than 1 (Jones et al . 1983, Br ow n 1984).
Ex a mple 9. 8 N um ber Ci tati on

The r el ati onshi p i s descr i bed by a pow er f uncti on (y = ax b ) w i th an ex ponent
l ess than 1 (4, 5).
Order of References Cited for One Point

In the tex t, w hen m or e than one r ef er ence i s ci ted f or a poi nt, the r ef er ences
ar e l i sted i n chr onol ogi cal or der w hen possi bl e. For r ef er ences ci ted by nam e
and year, chr onol ogi cal or der i s al way s used. For r ef er ences ci ted by num ber,
num er i cal or der i s al way s used. Chr onol ogi cal or der can be used si m ul taneousl y
w i th num er i cal or der on f i r st ci tati on of a gr oup of r ef er ences, as i n Ex am pl e
9. 8 (4 = Jones et al . 1983, 5 = Br ow n 1984).
Arrangement of References in the Reference List

In the r ef er ence l i st, f or the author and year sy stem , r ef er ences ar e l i sted i n
al phabeti cal or der. The r ef er ences ar e not num ber ed. For the num ber sy stem ,
r ef er ences ar e num ber ed i n the or der i n w hi ch each r ef er ence i s f i r st ci ted i n
the tex t. If a r ef er ence appear s onl y i n a tabl e or a f i gur e l egend, the
r ef er ence i s num ber ed accor di ng to w her e the tabl e or f i gur e i s f i r st ci ted i n
the paper. In som e jour nal s that use num ber s i n the tex t, the r ef er ences i n the
l i st ar e al phabeti zed and then num ber ed.
Citing References from the Internet or the World Wide

Web
To ci te a r ef er ence f r om the Inter net or the Wor l d Wi de Web, use the f ol l ow i ng
f or m :
Ex a mple 9. 9 Ref er ence f r om the Inter net or the Wor l d Wi de Web
Pow el l JA. Ti tl e. Avai l abl e f r om : ur l : http://Inter net addr ess or Wor l d Wi de Web
addr ess.
P. 265
Style of References in the Reference List

Most jour nal s m ai ntai n i ndi v i dual sty l es f or thei r r ef er ences. Ref er ence sty l es
var y on such detai l s as w hether ti tl es of ar ti cl es ar e i ncl uded, w hether l ast
page num ber s ar e i ncl uded, w her e author s' i ni ti al s ar e pl aced (bef or e or af ter
the l ast nam e), w her e the year of publ i cati on i s pl aced (af ter the author s'
nam es, af ter the jour nal ti tl e, at the end of the r ef er ence), and how i tem s ar e
punctuated. Com puter pr ogram s that put r ef er ences i n var i ous sty l es ar e
avai l abl e.
A si ngl e sty l e f or r ef er ences has been adopted by a l ar ge num ber of jour nal s.
Thi s sty l e i s som eti m es r ef er r ed to as the Vancouver sty l e because the m eeti ng
at w hi ch the sty l e was adopted was hel d i n Vancouver, Br i ti sh Col um bi a. The
sty l e i s descr i bed i n a docum ent cal l ed “U ni f or m Requi r em ents f or Manuscr i pts
Subm i tted to Bi om edi cal Jour nal s” and i s avai l abl e on the Inter net:
http://w w w. hsr. i t/bi bl i o/uni f or m . htm l . The docum ent i s updated per i odi cal l y.
Com puter pr ogram s that put r ef er ences i n the Vancouver sty l e ar e avai l abl e.
The Vancouver sty l e of r ef er ences f or jour nal ar ti cl es i s as f ol l ow s:
Ex a mple 9. 10 Vancouver Sty l e Ref er ence
You CH, Lee KY, Chey RY, Menguy R. El ectr ogastr ographi c study of pati ents w i th
unex pl ai ned nausea, bl oati ng and vom i ti ng. Gastr oenter ol ogy 1980; 79:311–4.
The pur pose of hav i ng a si ngl e sty l e i s f or the conveni ence of author s. The
jour nal s that have adopted the U ni f or m Requi r em ents w i l l al l accept paper s i n
w hi ch the r ef er ences ar e ty ped i n the sty l e pr escr i bed. How ever, som e jour nal s
change the r ef er ences to a di f f er ent sty l e f or publ i cati on.
P. 266
SUMMARY OF GUIDELINES FOR REFERENCES

Ref er ences gi ve cr edi t to the i deas and f i ndi ngs of other s and di r ect r eader s to
sour ces of f ur ther i nf or m ati on.
Sel ect the m ost val i d, the m ost avai l abl e, and the f ew est r ef er ences.
Val i d: jour nal ar ti cl es, book s, Ph. D. theses, r ev i ew ed conf er ence

pr oceedi ngs.
Less val i d: abstracts f or m eeti ngs, unr ev i ew ed conf er ence pr oceedi ngs.
Avai l abl e: jour nal ar ti cl es ei ther publ i shed or i n pr ess, book s.
Less avai l abl e: Ph. D. theses, conf er ence pr oceedi ngs.

N ot avai l abl e: jour nal ar ti cl es subm i tted or i n pr eparati on; do not i ncl ude
these i n the r ef er ence l i st; ci te them i n the tex t as per sonal
com m uni cati ons or unpubl i shed obser vati ons.
For the f ew est r ef er ences, sel ect the f i r st, m ost i m por tant, m ost el egant,
and m ost r ecent paper s. U se r ev i ew ar ti cl es w hen possi bl e.
Ref er ences m ust be accurate i n ever y detai l : author s' nam es, author s' i ni ti al s,
ti tl e of the paper, ti tl e of the jour nal , year of publ i cati on, vol um e num ber, f i r st
and l ast page num ber s.
Quotati ons m ust be ex act.
Paraphrases m ust be accurate and f ai r.
Ever y r ef er ence i n the tex t m ust be i n the r ef er ence l i st, and v i ce ver sa.
When nam i ng the author s of a paper i n the tex t, i ncl ude al l author s. For paper s
by thr ee or m or e author s, use the f or m “Jack son et al .” and the pr onoun “they ”
(not “he”).
Put r ef er ence ci tati ons af ter the i dea you ar e ci ti ng or af ter the author s' nam es
i f nam es ar e i ncl uded.
If you draw a concl usi on based on another author 's f i ndi ngs, put the ci tati on
af ter the author 's f i ndi ng, not af ter your concl usi on.
For several r ef er ences i n one sentence, ci te each r ef er ence af ter the

appr opr i ate poi nt rather than gr oupi ng al l r ef er ences at the end of the
sentence.
U se ei ther author s and year s or num ber s to i denti f y r ef er ences i n the tex t,
w hi chever the jour nal r equests.
For m or e than one r ef er ence f or one poi nt, ci te r ef er ences i n chr onol ogi cal
or der.
In the r ef er ence l i st, use al phabeti cal or der w hen author s and year s ar e ci ted
i n the tex t. U se num er i cal or der accor di ng to f i r st ci tati on i n the tex t w hen
num ber s ar e used f or ci tati ons, unl ess the jour nal pr ef er s al phabeti cal or der.
To ci te a r ef er ence f r om the Inter net or the Wor l d Wi de Web, use the f ol l ow i ng

f or m : Pow el l JA. Ti tl e. Avai l abl e f r om : ur l :http://Inter net addr ess or Wor l d
Wi de Web addr ess.
Fol l ow the jour nal 's sty l e f or detai l s i n the r ef er ence l i st. If the jour nal has
adopted the Vancouver sty l e, use i t.
Back
Introduction
In Secti ons I–III, w e saw how to choose w or ds and ar range them i n cl ear
sentences and paragraphs (Secti on I), how to w r i te each secti on of a
bi om edi cal r esear ch paper to tel l a cl ear stor y (Secti on II), and how to desi gn
f i gur es and tabl es and pr esent r ef er ences cl ear l y (Secti on III). In Secti on IV,
w e tur n our attenti on to pr ov i di ng a cl ear over v i ew of the stor y. In Chapter 10
(The Abstract) and Chapter 11 (The Ti tl e), our central concer n w i l l be to
pr ov i de the over v i ew al one, w i th a bar e m i ni m um of detai l s. In Chapter 12 (The
Bi g Pi ctur e), w e w i l l consi der how to pr ov i de the over v i ew together w i th al l the
necessar y detai l s.
The abstract and the ti tl e pr ov i de an over v i ew to tw o gr oups of r eader s. One

gr oup r eads onl y the ti tl e or the ti tl e and the abstract. Thi s gr oup i ncl udes
r eader s w ho have access onl y to sour ces such as Index Medi cus, Cur r ent
Contents, abstract jour nal s, or abstracti ng ser v i ces. The other gr oup of r eader s
r eads not onl y the ti tl e and the abstract but al so the paper. Ther ef or e, just as
f i gur es and tabl es need to tel l the stor y of the paper both f or r eader s w ho do
not r ead the tex t and f or r eader s w ho do, so the abstract and the ti tl e need to
tel l the stor y both f or r eader s w ho do not r ead ei ther the tex t or the f i gur es
and tabl es and f or r eader s w ho r ead the w hol e paper. The nex t tw o chapter s
ex pl ai n how to w r i te abstracts and ti tl es that w i l l be cl ear to both gr oups of
r eader s. Abstracts f or hy pothesi stesti ng paper s, descr i pti ve paper s, and
m ethods paper s ar e i ncl uded.
In the paper as a w hol e, both the over v i ew and the detai l s need to be cl ear.
Chapter 12 i l l ustrates how to pr ov i de a cl ear over v i ew i n addi ti on to pr esenti ng
al l the necessar y detai l s.
Back
Chapter 10
The Abstract
FUNCTION
The f uncti on of the abstract of a sci enti f i c r esear ch paper i s to pr ov i de an over v i ew of
the paper. The over v i ew shoul d pr esent the m ai n stor y and a f ew essenti al detai l s of the
paper f or r eader s w ho r ead onl y the abstract and shoul d ser ve as a cl ear pr ev i ew of the
m ai n stor y f or r eader s w ho r ead the paper. Thus, the abstract shoul d m ake sense both
w hen r ead al one and w hen r ead w i th the paper.
The abstract shoul d be nei ther vague and general on the one hand nor f ussi l y detai l ed
on the other. Rather, i t shoul d be speci f i c and sel ecti ve. As i ts nam e suggests, an
abstract (ab, out + tr aher e, to pul l ) shoul d sel ect (pul l out) the hi ghl i ghts f r om each
secti on of the paper.
Som eti m es the over v i ew i n the abstract i s cl ear er than the over v i ew i n the tex t. The
r eason i s usual l y ei ther that par t of the over v i ew i s om i tted i n the tex t or that the
detai l s i n the tex t obscur e the over v i ew. Al though the author shoul d m ake ever y ef f or t
to w eave a cl ear over v i ew i nto the tex t so that the tex t does not becom e al l tr ees and
no f or est, an advantage of hav i ng a cl ear, conci se over v i ew i n the abstract i s that i t can
com pensate f or som e l apses i n the over v i ew i n the tex t.
ABSTRACTS OF HYPOTHESIS–TESTING PAPERS

Content
The abstract of a hy pothesi stesti ng paper shoul d state conci sel y the questi on that was
asked, the ex per i m ents that w er e done to answ er the questi on, the r esul ts that w er e
f ound that answ er the questi on, and the answ er to the questi on. In addi ti on to these
f our basi c par ts, the abstract m ay begi n w i th a sentence or tw o of back gr ound
i nf or m ati on to hel p the r eader under stand the questi on and m ay end w i th a sentence
stati ng an i m pl i cati on of the answ er or a specul ati on or r ecom m endati on based on the
answ er. Because the abstract m ust m ake sense w hen r ead al one, as w el l as w hen r ead
i n conjuncti on w i th the paper, the abstract shoul d not i ncl ude ci tati ons of the sci enti f i c
l i teratur e or ci tati ons of f i gur es or tabl es.
Question
State the questi on you asked ei ther as a questi on or as a hy pothesi s.
P. 270
The Experiments That Were Done

N am e the m ater i al studi ed (m ol ecul e, cel l l i ne, ti ssue, or gan) and the or gani sm f r om
w hi ch i t cam e, or nam e the ani m al or hum an popul ati on studi ed. If necessar y, i ncl ude
the condi ti on of the ani m al s or subjects, such as anestheti zed.
State the ex per i m ental appr oach or the study desi gn, i ncl udi ng both the i ndependent and
the dependent var i abl es. Menti on onl y i m por tant detai l s of m ater i al s and m ethods.
The Results That Were Found

Incl ude onl y r esul ts that answ er the questi on. Gi ve data, i f at al l , onl y f or the m ost
i m por tant r esul ts. Gi ve per cent change rather than ex act data w hen possi bl e. Do not
i ncl ude f i gur es or tabl es.
Answer
State the answ er to the questi on. Be sur e that the answ er answ er s the questi on you
asked. Do not w r i te vague statem ents such as “The causes of thi s r esponse ar e
di scussed.”
Background
If r eader s w oul d w onder w hy you ar e ask i ng your questi on, begi n the abstract w i th a
sentence or tw o of back gr ound i nf or m ati on. The back gr ound i nf or m ati on shoul d be the
sam e as that gi ven at the begi nni ng of the Intr oducti on, onl y br i ef er.
Implication, Speculation, or Recommendation

If par t or al l of the i m por tance of your paper i s the i m pl i cati on of the answ er or a
specul ati on or r ecom m endati on based on the answ er, i ncl ude a sentence stati ng the
i m pl i cati on, specul ati on, or r ecom m endati on, at the end of the abstract, as i n Ex am pl e
10. 1.
Example 10.1
ADevel opm ent of phar y ngeal m uscl e i n nem atodes and hear t m uscl e i n ver tebrates and
i nsects i nvol ves the r el ated hom eobox genes ceh22, nk x 2. 5, and ti nm an, r especti vel y.
B1To deter m i ne w hether the nem atode gene ceh22 and the ver tebrate gene nk x 2. 5
per f or m si m i l ar f uncti ons, B2w e ex am i ned the acti v i ty of the zebraf i sh nk x 2. 5 gene i n
transgeni c Caenor habdi ti s el egans. CWe f ound that ectopi c ex pr essi on of nk x 2. 5 i n C.
el egans body wal l m uscl e di r ectl y acti vated ex pr essi on both of the endogenous m y o2
gene, a ceh22 tar get nor m al l y ex pr essed onl y i n phar y ngeal m uscl e, and of a sy ntheti c
r epor ter constr uct contr ol l ed by a m ul ti m er i zed CEH22 bi ndi ng si te. Dnk x 2. 5 al so
ef f i ci entl y pr evented ceh22 gr ow th def ects w hen ex pr essed i n phar y ngeal m uscl e.
EThese r esul ts i ndi cate that ceh22 and nk x 2. 5 per f or m si m i l ar f uncti ons. FFur ther,
these r esul ts suggest that an evol uti onar i l y conser ved m echani sm under l i es phar y ngeal
devel opm ent i n nem atodes and hear t devel opm ent i n ver tebrates and i nsects. In thi s
abstract, sentence A gi ves back gr ound i nf or m ati on, B 1 states the questi on, and B 2
states the ex per i m ent done to answ er the questi on. Sentences C and D state w hat
r esul ts w er e f ound. N o data ar e gi ven. The answ er,
P. 271
stated i n the secondtol ast sentence (E), answ er s the questi on asked i n B 1 . An
i m pl i cati on that r el ates to the back gr ound gi ven at the begi nni ng of the abstract i s
stated at the end of the abstract (F).
Organization
Overall Organization
As show n i n Ex am pl e 10. 1, the overal l or gani zati on of the abstract i s the sam e as the
or gani zati on of the tex t: back gr ound (i f any ), questi on, the ex per i m ents done, the
r esul ts f ound, answ er, and i m pl i cati on, specul ati on, or r ecom m endati on (i f any ).
How ever, the abstract i s of ten str eam l i ned i n one way : of ten the detai l s of the
ex per i m ents done—speci f i c i ndependent and dependent var i abl es, doses, m ethods—ar e
gi ven i n the sentences that state the r esul ts f ound. Thi s or gani zati onal strategy avoi ds
r epeti ti on. For ex am pl e, i n Ex am pl e 10. 1, “Ectopi c ex pr essi on of nk x 2. 5 i n C. el egans
body wal l m uscl e” i s m enti oned onl y i n sentence C, w hi ch descr i bes the r esul ts f ound.
Si m i l ar l y, “w hen ex pr essed i n phar y ngeal m uscl e” i s m enti oned onl y i n sentence D.
(Al so see Ex am pl e 10. 2 bel ow. )
Al though the overal l or gani zati on of the abstract f ol l ow s the or gani zati on of the paper,
the abstract does not gi ve equal w ei ght to al l secti ons of the paper. The abstract
i ncl udes m uch of the Intr oducti on (back gr ound, the questi on, ex per i m ental appr oach,
ani m al or popul ati on studi ed, thei r condi ti on, m ater i al ) but onl y a f ew detai l s f r om
m ethods (speci f i c i ndependent and dependent var i abl es, doses, m ethods), onl y key
r esul ts and key data f r om Resul ts, f i gur es, and tabl es, and onl y the answ er and m ay be
an i m pl i cati on or a specul ati on f r om the Di scussi on.
Organization of Results
If you i ncl ude tw o or m or e r esul ts i n your abstract, ar range them i n a l ogi cal or der,
such as chr onol ogi cal or der, m ost to l east i m por tant, or l east to m ost i m por tant. When
or gani zi ng f r om m ost to l east i m por tant, descr i be contr ol r esul ts l ast, i f you i ncl ude
them at al l . In Ex am pl e 10. 1 above, the or der of the r esul ts i s chr onol ogi cal
(ex pr essi on, f uncti on).
Example 10.2
A1To deter m i ne w hether l esi ons of the nucl eus tractus sol i tar i um al ter pul m onar y ar ter y
pr essur es and pul m onar y l y m ph f l ow w i thout al ter i ng the sy stem i c ci r cul ati on, A2w e
m easur ed pr essur es and l y m ph f l ow i n 6 hal othaneanestheti zed sheep i n w hi ch w e
cr eated l esi ons of the nucl eus by bi l ateral ther m ocoagul ati on. BWe f ound that pul m onar y
ar ter y pr essur e r ose to 150% of basel i ne and r em ai ned el evated f or the 3h durati on of
the ex per i m ent. CPul m onar y l y m ph f l ow doubl ed w i thi n 2 h. DSy stem i c and l ef t atr i al
pr essur es di d not change. ESham nucl eus tractus sol i tar i um l esi ons and l esi ons l ateral
to the nucl eus pr oduced no changes. FThese ex per i m ents dem onstrate that l esi ons of the
nucl eus tractus sol i tar i um al ter pul m onar y ar ter y pr essur es and pul m onar y l y m ph f l ow
i ndependentl y of the ef f ects on the sy stem i c ci r cul ati on.
In thi s abstract, r esul ts ar e r epor ted i n a l ogi cal or der (m ost to l east i m por tant):
ex per i m ental r esul ts f i r st (B–D) and contr ol r esul ts l ast (E). In addi ti on, var i abl es that
changed (B, C) ar e r epor ted bef or e var i abl es that di d not change (D)—al so a l ogi cal
or der. N ote al so that the detai l s of the r esul ts
P. 272
f ound ar e i n the sam e or der as the detai l s i n the questi on: f i r st pul m onar y ar ter y
pr essur es, nex t pul m onar y l y m ph f l ow, and l ast sy stem i c ci r cul ator y var i abl es.
To str eam l i ne the abstract, detai l s of the ex per i m ent done ar e i ncl uded i n the
statem ents of the r esul ts f ound. Thus, the durati on of the ex per i m ent (3 h) and the
speci f i c dependent var i abl es of the sy stem i c ci r cul ati on (sy stem i c and l ef t atr i al
pr essur es) ar e m enti oned onl y w hen the r esul ts ar e gi ven (sentences B and D).
Si m i l ar l y, the contr ol m aneuver s ar e m enti oned onl y at the begi nni ng of the sentence
stati ng contr ol r esul ts (E). In addi ti on, data ar e gi ven as a per centage [“150% of
basel i ne” (B)] and as a pr opor ti on [“doubl ed” (C)] rather than as ex act val ues.
The answ er i s stated i n the l ast sentence (F) and answ er s the questi on as i t was asked
(usi ng the sam e key ter m s, the sam e ver b, and the sam e poi nt of v i ew ).
Writing
Continuity
To pr ov i de cl ear conti nui ty thr oughout the abstract, r epeat key ter m s, use consi stent
or der f or detai l s, keep the sam e poi nt of v i ew i n the questi on and the answ er, and use
ei ther paral l el f or m or consi stent poi nt of v i ew f or com par i sons and other paral l el i deas
(see Ex am pl e 10. 3 bel ow ).
Signaling Topics
Abstracts ar e conventi onal l y w r i tten as one paragraph. (For excepti ons, see “Var i ati ons”
bel ow. ) Ther ef or e, i t hel ps the r eader i f you si gnal the par ts of an abstract both
v i sual l y, by star ti ng a new sentence, and ver bal l y, by si gnal i ng the topi c at the
begi nni ng of the sentence. Begi n a new sentence f or the questi on, the r esul ts f ound, and
the answ er. The questi on and the ex per i m ent done ar e f r equentl y i n the sam e sentence,
so then onl y the questi on needs to be si gnal ed. How ever, i f the sentence w oul d be too
l ong, the questi on and ex per i m ent can be i n separate sentences, each hav i ng i ts ow n
si gnal . The questi on can be si gnal ed by an i nf i ni ti ve f ol l ow ed by a questi on w or d or as a
hy pothesi s (see the tabl e bel ow ). The r esul ts f ound can be si gnal ed by “We f ound.” The
answ er to the questi on can be si gnal ed by “We concl ude that” or “Ther ef or e” or
som ethi ng si m i l ar.
Topic Signa l
Questi on + To deter m i ne w hether… , w e… .
Ex per i m ent To test the hy pothesi s that… , w e… .

We asked w hether… . To answ er thi s questi on, w e… .
We hy pothesi zed that… . To test thi s hy pothesi s, w e… .
Resul ts We f ound… .
Answ er We concl ude that… .

Ther ef or e, … .
Im pl i cati on These r esul ts suggest that… .
If the abstract i ncl udes an i m pl i cati on, be car ef ul to di sti ngui sh the i m pl i cati on f r om the
answ er by usi ng a cauti ous si gnal , such as “These r esul ts suggest that… .” The ver b i n
the suggesti on can al so be cauti ous, “m ay i nhi bi t,”
P. 273
“m ay pl ay a r ol e i n,” etc. For the cl ear est di sti ncti on betw een answ er s and i m pl i cati ons,
al so put them i n separate sentences (as i n Ex am pl e 10. 1)
Verb Tense
Ver b tenses i n the abstract shoul d be the sam e as those i n the paper : pr esent tense f or
the questi on and the answ er ; past tense f or the ex per i m ent done and the r esul ts f ound.
Sentence Structure
Wr i te shor t sentences. Avoi d noun cl uster s. If your techni cal ter m s ar e com posed of
several w or ds, as i n Ex am pl e 10. 3 bel ow, w r i ti ng shor t sentences m ay be di f f i cul t.
Word Choice
U se si m pl e w or ds. For the sake of f or ei gn r eader s and r eader s w ho w or k i n other f i el ds,
avoi d jar gon.
Abbreviations
Avoi d abbr ev i ati ons w her ever possi bl e. You shoul d use standar d abbr ev i ati ons f or uni ts
of m easur em ent (Inter nati onal Sy stem abbr ev i ati ons), and you can use standar d, w i del y
accepted abbr ev i ati ons such as DN A. But sem i standar d and nonstandar d abbr ev i ati ons
m ake r eadi ng a chor e and shoul d ther ef or e be avoi ded. If you m ust use a nonstandar d
abbr ev i ati on that i s not w i del y accepted, def i ne i t the f i r st ti m e you use i t i n the
abstract, f or ex am pl e, “gl utam ate py r uvate transf erase (GPT).” Som e speci al ty jour nal s
per m i t abbr ev i ati ons that ar e standar d i n thei r speci al ty to be used w i thout def i ni ti on i n
the abstract and i n the paper. Thi s practi ce m akes r eadi ng di f f i cul t f or new com er s to the
speci al ty.
For those w ho l i ke num er i cal gui del i nes, one abbr ev i ati on (other than a uni t of
m easur em ent) i s no pr obl em , tw o abbr ev i ati ons ar e OK, thr ee ar e bor der l i ne. Readi ng
becom es geom etr i cal l y m or e di f f i cul t af ter that. If you cannot avoi d abbr ev i ati ons
al together, tr y to have onl y one abbr ev i ati on i n an abstract and cer tai nl y no m or e than
thr ee.
Length
Most jour nal s l i m i t the l ength of the abstract (usual l y to 250 w or ds or l ess). “U ni f or m
Requi r em ents f or Manuscr i pts Subm i tted to Bi om edi cal Jour nal s” (see Li teratur e Ci ted)
speci f i es 150 w or ds or l ess. If no l i m i t i s stated, m ake your abstract no l onger than the
abstracts i n r ecent i ssues of the jour nal .
Do not i ncl ude uni m por tant detai l s or unnecessar y w or ds just to f i l l up space. If you can
sum m ar i ze your paper i n f ew er w or ds than the m ax i m um al l ow ed, do so.
If you ar e tem pted to add m or e and m or e detai l , keep i n m i nd that the abstract w i l l
becom e m or e and m or e unr eadabl e; the tr ees w i l l over shadow the f or est. That i s the
ex act opposi te of w hat you want. The over v i ew i s easi est to see i n a shor t abstract, so
keep your abstract shor t. In no case shoul d your abstract be m or e than 250 w or ds, even
i f the jour nal publ i shes l onger abstracts.
In your ef f or t to keep the abstract shor t, do not w r i te i n the sty l e of a tel egram ; that i s,
do not om i t necessar y “a's,” “an's,” and “the's.”
P. 274
Example 10.3
A1To deter m i ne w hether 4 dr ugs used i n the tr eatm ent of asthm a i nhi bi t the tol uene
di i socyanatei nduced l ate asthm ati c r eacti on and the associ ated i ncr ease i n ai r way
r esponsi veness to m ethachol i ne, A2w e assessed these var i abl es i n 24 sensi ti zed
subjects di v i ded i nto 4 gr oups of 6 subjects each. BEi ther sl owr el ease verapam i l (120
m g tw i ce a day ), cr om ol y n (20 m g 4 ti m es a day v i a spi nhal er ), sl owr el ease
theophy l l i ne (6. 5 m g/k g tw i ce a day ), or becl om ethasone aer osol (1 m g tw i ce a day )
was adm i ni ster ed f or 7 day s, each to one of the 4 gr oups, accor di ng to a doubl ebl i nd,
cr ossover, pl acebocontr ol l ed study desi gn. CWe f ound that nei ther pl acebo, verapam i l ,
nor cr om ol y n i nhi bi ted the l ar ge i ncr ease i n f or ced ex pi rator y vol um e i n the f i r st second
(FEV 1 ) or the i ncr ease i n ai r way r esponsi veness to m ethachol i ne af ter ex posur e to
tol uene. DSl owr el ease theophy l l i ne par ti al l y i nhi bi ted the i ncr ease i n FEV 1 but had no
ef f ect on ai r way r esponsi veness to m ethachol i ne. EBecl om ethasone i nhi bi ted both
var i abl es. FThus, onl y the hi ghdose i nhal ed ster oi d becl om ethasone ef f ecti vel y i nhi bi ts
tol uene di i socyanatei nduced l ate asthm ati c r eacti ons and the associ ated i ncr eases i n
ai r way r esponsi veness to m ethachol i ne.
Thi s abstract f ol l ow s the gui del i nes f or content and or gani zati on of abstracts. N ote that
r esul ts (C–E) ar e pr esented i n the or der of l east to m ost ef f ecti ve (l east to m ost
i m por tant).
Thi s abstract al so f ol l ow s m ost of the gui del i nes f or w r i ti ng. Conti nui ty i s str ong
because of r epeti ti on of key ter m s (i nhi bi t, verapam i l , cr om ol y n, theophy l l i ne,
becl om ethasone, tol uene, l ate asthm ati c r eacti on, i ncr ease i n ai r way r esponsi veness to
m ethachol i ne, FEV 1 ), consi stent or der of the dr ugs i n the ex per i m ent done (B) and the
r esul ts f ound (C–E), and consi stent poi nt of v i ew f or r esul ts f ound (C–E).
The r esul ts f ound ar e si gnal ed by “We f ound that” at the begi nni ng of a new sentence.
The answ er i s si gnal ed by “Thus” at the begi nni ng of a new sentence.
Ver b tenses ar e appr opr i ate: pr esent tense f or the questi on (“i nhi bi t”) and the answ er
(“i nhi bi ts”); past tense f or the ex per i m ent done (“assessed,” “was adm i ni ster ed”) and
the r esul ts f ound (“i nhi bi ted,” “i nhi bi ted,” “had,” “i nhi bi ted”).
Wor d choi ce i s as si m pl e as possi bl e. Onl y one abbr ev i ati on i s used (FEV 1 ). Al though i t
i s a standar d abbr ev i ati on i n r espi rator y phy si ol ogy, i t i s def i ned.
The abstract i s r easonabl y shor t (181 w or ds) and the over v i ew i s cl ear.
How ever, the sentences, especi al l y sentences A and B, ar e rather l ong (A, 44 w or ds; B,
57 w or ds; m ean, 30 w or ds per sentence). One way to shor ten the sentences (and the
abstract) sl i ghtl y w i thout om i tti ng any i nf or m ati on i s to condense the sentence that
descr i bes the ex per i m ent done (B) and nam e the dr ugs and the doses onl y i n the
sentences that state r esul ts, as i n the r ev i si on.
Revision
A1To deter m i ne w hether 4 dr ugs used i n the tr eatm ent of asthm a i nhi bi t the tol uene
di i socyanatei nduced l ate asthm ati c r eacti on and the associ ated i ncr ease i n ai r way
r esponsi veness to m ethachol i ne, A2w e assessed these var i abl es i n 24 sensi ti zed
subjects di v i ded i nto 4 gr oups of 6 subjects each. BSubjects i n each gr oup r ecei ved one
dr ug f or 7 day s accor di ng to a doubl ebl i nd, cr ossover, pl acebocontr ol l ed study desi gn.
CWe f ound that nei ther pl acebo, sl owr el ease verapam i l (120 m g tw i ce a day ), nor
cr om ol y n (20 m g 4 ti m es a day v i a spi nhal er ) i nhi bi ted the l ar ge i ncr ease i n f or ced
ex pi rator y vol um e i n the f i r st second (FEV 1 ) or the i ncr ease i n ai r way r esponsi veness to
m ethachol i ne af ter ex posur e to tol uene. DSl owr el ease theophy l l i ne (6. 5 m g/k g tw i ce a
day ) par ti al l y i nhi bi ted the i ncr ease i n FEV 1 but had no ef f ect on ai r way r esponsi veness
to m ethachol i ne.
P. 275
EBecl om ethasone aer osol (1 m g tw i ce a day ) i nhi bi ted both var i abl es. FThus, onl y the
hi ghdose i nhal ed ster oi d becl om ethasone ef f ecti vel y i nhi bi ts tol uene di i socyanate
i nduced l ate asthm ati c r eacti ons and the associ ated i ncr eases i n ai r way r esponsi veness
to m ethachol i ne.
Putti ng the detai l s of the ex per i m ent done i n the statem ent of the r esul ts f ound shor tens
the abstract by 10 w or ds (171 v s. 181). It al so shor tens sentence B consi derabl y (20 v s.
57 w or ds) and thus m akes the over v i ew of w hat was done cl ear er. Al though sentence C
i s now l onger (48 v s. 33 w or ds), m ean sentence l ength i s shor ter (28. 5 v s. 30 w or ds per
sentence).
ABSTRACTS OF DESCRIPTIVE PAPERS

Content and Organization
The abstract of a descr i pti ve paper has thr ee m ai n par ts: the m essage of the paper, the
r esul ts that suppor t the m essage, and the i m pl i cati on of the m essage. In addi ti on, i f i t
i s necessar y to cl ar i f y the r eason f or the study or the i m por tance of the m essage,
back gr ound i nf or m ati on can be added at the begi nni ng of the abstract.
Because ther e i s no hy pothesi s i n descr i pti ve paper s, the m essage i s stated at the
begi nni ng of the abstract. The r esul ts that suppor t the m essage com e i m m edi atel y af ter
the m essage, to conv i nce the r eader that the m essage i s tr ue. The i m pl i cati on i s stated
at the end. Methods, i f any, ar e i ncl uded i n the sentences that state the r esul ts.
Ex am pl es of descr i pti ve paper s ar e paper s that descr i be the cl oni ng and

character i zati on of a new gene or the str uctur e of par t of a m ol ecul e. In abstracts f or
thi s ty pe of paper, the m essage and the r esul ts ar e about str uctur e, and the i m pl i cati on
i s about the l i kel y or possi bl e f uncti on of thi s str uctur e.
Ex a mple 10. 4 Descr i pti ve Abstract

Aβ1, 4Endogl ucanases (EGases, EC 3. 2. 1. 4) degrade pol y sacchar i des possessi ng β1, 4
gl ucan back bones such as cel l ul ose and x y l ogl ucan and have been f ound am ong a w i de
var i ety of taxonom i c gr oups. BAl though m any ani m al speci es depend on cel l ul ose as
thei r m ai n ener gy sour ce, m ost om ni vor es and her bi vor es ar e unabl e to pr oduce EGases
endogenousl y. CSo f ar, al l i denti f i ed EGase genes i nvol ved i n the di gesti ve sy stem of
ani m al s or i gi nate f r om sy m bi oti c m i cr oor gani sm s. DHer e w e r epor t the i sol ati on of
EGase genes and the i denti f i cati on of endogenous esophageal gl and EGases sy nthesi zed
by tw o cDN As i n each of tw o pl antparasi ti c cy st nem atodes, Gl oboder a r ostochi ensi s
and Heter oder a gl y ci nes. EHydr ophobi c cl uster anal y si s r eveal ed that the f our catal y ti c
dom ai ns i n these EGases bel ong to the f am i l y of 5gl ycosy l hydr ol ases (EC 3. 2. 1, 3. 2. 2,
and 3. 2. 3). FThese dom ai ns show 37–44% overal l am i no aci d i denti ty w i th EGases f r om
the bacter i a Er w i ni a chr y santhem i , Cl ostr i di um acetobuty l i cum , and Baci l l us subti l i s.
GOne EGase w i th a bacter i al ty pe of cel l ul osebi ndi ng dom ai n was i denti f i ed f or each
nem atode speci es. HThe l euci ner i ch hydr ophobi c cor e of the si gnal pepti de and the
pr esence of a pol yadeny l ated 3′ end pr ecl uded the EGases f r om bei ng of bacter i al
or i gi n. IOur f i ndi ngs suggest that the i denti f i ed EGases m ay f aci l i tate i ntracel l ul ar
m i grati on thr ough pl ant r oots by par ti al l y degradi ng the cel l wal l .
P. 276
In thi s descr i pti ve abstract, sentences A–C pr ov i de back gr ound i nf or m ati on i ndi cati ng
the r eason f or the study and the i m por tance of the m essage. Sentence D states the
m essage. Sentences E–H state the r esul ts, w hi ch descr i be str uctural detai l s. Sentence I
states an i m pl i cati on, w hi ch i s a possi bl e f uncti on of the enzy m e i denti f i ed i n thi s study.
Writing
Signaling Topics
In a descr i pti ve abstract, onl y the m essage and the i m pl i cati on ar e si gnal ed. The si gnal
of the m essage i s “Her e w e r epor t” or som e var i ati on on thi s si gnal , such as “We her e
r epor t,” “Her e w e descr i be,” or “We r epor t.” Si gnal s of the i m pl i cati on ar e “These
f i ndi ngs suggest that,” “We pr opose that,” or som ethi ng si m i l ar.
Verb Tense
Ver b tenses ar e a l i ttl e tr i ck i er i n descr i pti ve abstracts than i n hy pothesi stesti ng
abstracts. The basi c gui del i ne i s that i f a statem ent i s sti l l tr ue, use pr esent tense; i f
the statem ent i s about som ethi ng done or f ound i n the past, use past tense. Thus, w hen
you ar e descr i bi ng a str uctur e, use pr esent tense, as i n sentences E and F of Ex am pl e
10. 4 (“bel ong,” “show ”) and sentences B, C, and D of Ex am pl e 10. 5, (“ar e,” “l ocal i zes,”
“cor r espond,” “r equi r es”) because these statem ents ar e sti l l tr ue. But w hen you descr i be
the r esul t of an ex per i m ent, use past tense, as i n sentences E, G, and H of Ex am pl e
10. 4 (“r eveal ed,” “was i denti f i ed,” “pr ecl uded”) and sentence E of Ex am pl e 10. 5
(“col ocal i zed”), because those events ar e f i ni shed. For i m pl i cati ons, the ver bs used can
be cauti ous, as i n Ex am pl e 10. 4 (“m ay f aci l i tate”) or not, as i n Ex am pl e 10. 5
(“pr om otes,” “ensur es”).
Ex a mple 10. 5 Descr i pti ve Abstract

A′ We descr i be the i denti f i cati on and character i zati on of the yeast Sacchar om y ces
cer ev i si ae ZIP2 gene, w hi ch encodes a novel m ei osi sspeci f i c pr otei n essenti al f or
sy naptonem al com pl ex f or m ati on. BIn the zi p2 m utant, chr om osom es ar e hom ol ogousl y
pai r ed but not sy napsed. CThe Zi p2 pr otei n (Zi p2p) l ocal i zes to di scr ete f oci on m ei oti c
chr om osom es; these f oci cor r espond to si tes of conver gence betw een pai r ed hom ol ogs
that ar e bel i eved to be si tes of sy napsi s i ni ti ati on. DLocal i zati on of Zi p2p r equi r es the
i ni ti ati on of m ei oti c r ecom bi nati on. EIn a m utant def ecti ve i n doubl estrand br eak
r epai r, Zi p2p col ocal i zed w i th pr otei ns i nvol ved i n doubl estrand br eak f or m ati on and
pr ocessi ng. F′ We pr opose that Zi p2p pr om otes the i ni ti ati on of chr om osom e sy napsi s
and that l ocal i zati on of Zi p2p to si tes of i nter hom ol og r ecom bi nati on ensur es sy napsi s
betw een hom ol ogous chr om osom es.
Ex am pl e 10. 5 i ncl udes onl y the thr ee basi c par ts of a descr i pti ve abstract: the m essage
(sentence A), the r esul ts that suppor t the m essage (B–E), and an i m pl i cati on (F).
Sentence Structure, Word Choice, Abbreviations

As usual , sentences shoul d be shor t, w or ds shoul d be si m pl e, and abbr ev i ati ons shoul d
be avoi ded.
P. 277
Length
Keep the abstract as shor t as possi bl e, never m or e than 250 w or ds.
Common Problems in Abstracts of HypothesisTesting

Papers
Deviations From the Standard Form
Dev i ati ons f r om the standar d f or m of the abstract f or hy pothesi stesti ng paper s obscur e
the over v i ew w e ex pect to get w hen w e r ead an abstract. Ty pi cal dev i ati ons i ncl ude
om i tti ng the questi on, stati ng the questi on onl y vaguel y, stati ng an i m pl i cati on i nstead
of an answ er, and substi tuti ng a descr i pti ve abstract f or a hy pothesi stesti ng abstract.
Question Omitted
If the questi on i s om i tted, w e r ead the abstract bl i ndl y, w i th l i ttl e or no under standi ng
of the pur pose of the m aneuver s and the m easur em ents or of the possi bl e m eani ng of
the r esul ts. We under stand the abstract onl y at the end and then have to r er ead i t to f i t
the detai l s i nto the pi ctur e.
Ex a mple 10. 6 N o questi on

AWe di sr upted the f i br obl ast gr ow th f actor (FGF) r eceptor 2 (FGFR2) gene by i ntr oduci ng
a neo cassette i nto the IIIC l i gandbi ndi ng exon and by del eti ng a genom i c DN A
f ragm ent encodi ng i ts transm em brane dom ai n and par t of i ts k i nase I dom ai n. BA
r ecessi ve em br yoni c l ethal m utati on was obtai ned. CPr ei m pl antati on devel opm ent was
nor m al unti l the bl astocy st stage. DHom ozygous m utant em br yos di ed a f ew hour s af ter
i m pl antati on at a random posi ti on i n the uter i ne cr y pt, w i th a col l apsed yol k cav i ty.
EMutant bl astocy sts hatched, adher ed, and f or m ed a l ayer of tr ophobl ast gi ant cel l s i n
v i tr o, but af ter pr ol onged cul tur e, the gr ow th of the i nner cel l m ass stopped, no v i sceral
endoder m f or m ed, and f i nal l y the egg cy l i nder di si ntegrated. FIt f ol l ow s that FGFR2 i s
r equi r ed f or ear l y posti m pl antati on devel opm ent betw een i m pl antati on and the
f or m ati on of the egg cy l i nder. GWe suggest that FGFR2 contr i butes to the outgr ow th,
di f f er enti ati on, and m ai ntenance of the i nner cel l m ass and rai se the possi bi l i ty that thi s
acti v i ty i s m edi ated by FGF4 si gnal s transm i tted by FGFR2. HThe r ol e of ear l y FGF
si gnal i ng i n pr egastr ul ati on devel opm ent as a possi bl e adaptati on to m am m al i an
(am ni ote) em br yogenesi s i s di scussed.
In thi s abstract, w e hear w hat ex per i m ent was done, w hat r esul ts w er e f ound, w hat the
answ er i s, and w hat the i m pl i cati ons ar e. But w e do not hear w hat the questi on was.
Ther ef or e, w e do not k now w hy the FGFR2 gene was di sr upted. N ot unti l the answ er
(sentence F) do w e see the poi nt of the ex per i m ent done and the r esul ts f ound. If the
questi on w er e stated at the begi nni ng of the abstract, our r eadi ng job w oul d be easi er,
because w e w oul d under stand w hy these ex per i m ents w er e done, w her e these r esul ts
ar e l eadi ng, and w hat k i nd of answ er to ex pect.
Thi s abstract al so i l l ustrates several other pr obl em s that com m onl y appear i n abstracts:
the ani m al the w or k was done on i s not m enti oned; the over v i ew of the ex per i m ent
done to answ er the questi on i s i ncom pl ete (onl y the i ndependent var i abl e i s m enti oned),
so w e do not k now w hat to ex pect i n the r esul ts; the r esul ts ar e not si gnal ed (and the
way the f i r st r esul t, i n sentence B, i s
P. 278
stated m akes i t uncl ear w hether i t i s a r esul t); and how the r esul ts ar e or gani zed i s not
m ade cl ear. In addi ti on, a vague statem ent i s m ade at the end (“The r ol e… i s
di scussed.”) Stati ng that som ethi ng “i s di scussed” i s not a usef ul statem ent i n an
abstract; ei ther the poi nt (an i m pl i cati on) shoul d be stated or the sentence shoul d be
om i tted. The r ev i si on sol ves al l of these pr obl em s.
Revision
AWe hy pothesi zed that f i br obl ast gr ow th f actor r eceptor 2 (FGFR2) i s r equi r ed f or ear l y
posti m pl antati on devel opm ent of m am m al i an em br yos. A′ To test thi s hy pothesi s, w e
di sr upted the FGFR2 gene i n tw o strai ns of m i ce and assessed sur v i val and em br yoni c
devel opm ent i n v i v o, i n si tu, and i n v i tr o. A″To di sr upt the gene, w e i ntr oduced a neo
cassette i nto the IIIC l i gand bi ndi ng exon and del eted a genom i c DN A f ragm ent encodi ng
i ts transm em brane dom ai n and par t of i ts k i nase I dom ai n. BIn i n v i v o studi es, w e f ound
that the hom ozygous of f spr i ng of FGFR2 heter ozygotes w er e dead at bi r th. CIn i n si tu
studi es, bef or e i m pl antati on, the hom ozygous m utant em br yos devel oped nor m al l y unti l
the bl astocy st stage. DHow ever , the m utant em br yos di ed a f ew hour s af ter
i m pl antati on at a random posi ti on i n the uter i ne cr y pt, w i th a col l apsed yol k cav i ty. EIn
i n v i tr o studi es, the m utant bl astocy sts hatched, adher ed, and f or m ed a l ayer of
tr ophobl ast gi ant cel l s; but af ter pr ol onged cul tur e, the gr ow th of the i nner cel l m ass
stopped, no v i sceral endoder m f or m ed, and f i nal l y the egg cy l i nder di si ntegrated.
FThese f i ndi ngs i ndi cate that FGFR2 i s r equi r ed f or ear l y posti m pl antati on devel opm ent
betw een i m pl antati on and the f or m ati on of the egg cy l i nder. GWe suggest that FGFR2
contr i butes to the outgr ow th, di f f er enti ati on, and m ai ntenance of the i nner cel l m ass
and that thi s acti v i ty m ay be m edi ated by FGF4 si gnal s transm i tted by FGFR2. HWe
f ur ther suggest that FGF si gnal i ng i n pr egastr ul ati on devel opm ent m ay be an adaptati on
to m am m al i an (am ni ote) em br yogenesi s.
In the r ev i si on, the questi on, stated as a hy pothesi s at the begi nni ng of the abstract,
pr epar es the r eader f or the ex per i m ent done, the r esul ts f ound, and the answ er. The
com pl ete descr i pti on of the ex per i m ent i n the nex t sentence i ncl udes the ani m al studi ed
(m i ce) and pr epar es us f or the or gani zati on of the r esul ts. We k now w her e the r esul ts
star t because the f i r st r esul t i s si gnal ed by “In i n v i v o studi es, w e f ound that.” In
addi ti on, the r esul t i s w r i tten m or e cl ear l y, w i th the acti on i n the ver b. The si gnal s “In
i n si tu studi es” and “In i n v i tr o studi es” hel p us f ol l ow the ex pected or gani zati on of the
r esul ts. Fi nal l y, the i m pl i cati ons ar e w r i tten i n si m i l ar f or m and have paral l el si gnal s,
m ak i ng i t cl ear that both sentences G and H state i m pl i cati ons. To shor ten thi s abstract,
the l ast i m pl i cati on coul d be om i tted.
Question Stated Vaguely

A second dev i ati on f r om the standar d f or m of a hy pothesi stesti ng abstract i s stati ng
the questi on vaguel y. In a questi on stated vaguel y, onl y the dependent var i abl e i s
nam ed, f or ex am pl e “Y was studi ed.” “Y was studi ed” i s not a questi on at al l —i t i s w hat
you di d. A questi on i s w hat you wanted to f i nd out. For questi ons that have both an
i ndependent and a dependent var i abl e, m ake the questi on cl ear by usi ng a ver b to joi n
the i ndependent and the dependent var i abl es. For ex am pl e, “To deter m i ne w hether X
(i ndependent var i abl e) causes (ver b) Y (dependent var i abl e).” For questi ons that have
onl y a dependent var i abl e, the speci f i c aspect of the dependent var i abl e studi ed m ust be
nam ed, as was done i n Ex am pl e 10. 8, sentence B, bel ow. To ensur e that the questi on i s
speci f i c, check i t agai nst the answ er : use the sam e key ter m s f or the i ndependent
var i abl e (i f any ) and the dependent var i abl e. Al so use the sam e ver b, and keep the
sam e poi nt of v i ew.
P. 279
Example 10.7
A1Pl asm a chol ester ol m etabol i sm was studi ed A2i n young, nonobese, nor m ol i pi dem i c
m en w ho sm oked m oderatel y [24 ± 5 (SD) ci gar ettes/day ] and i n a m atched nonsm ok i ng
nor m al contr ol gr oup. BIn the sm oker s, both net transpor t of chol ester ol f r om cel l
m em branes i nto pl asm a (P > 0. 001) and the rati o of the rate of chol ester y l ester
transf er to the am ount of l ow and ver y l owdensi ty l i popr otei n (P > 0. 05) w er e
decr eased. CIn addi ti on, apopr otei n E was i ncr eased i n sm oker s' pl asm a (P > 0. 05),
w her eas apopr otei n AI, the m ajor apopr otei n of hi ghdensi ty l i popr otei n, was decr eased
(P > 0. 05). DThi s patter n of abnor m al i ti es has pr ev i ousl y been obser ved i n several
other gr oups of subjects at i ncr eased r i sk f or ather oscl er oti c vascul ar di sease
(di abeti cs, dy sbetal i popr otei nem i cs, and hy per betal i popr otei nem i cs). E1These data
i ndi cate that ci gar ette sm ok i ng causes abnor m al m etabol i sm of pl asm a chol ester ol i n
young m en, E2w hi ch coul d par tl y ex pl ai n the hi gh i nci dence of ather oscl er oti c vascul ar
di sease i n ol der m al e sm oker s.
Li ke Ex am pl e 10. 6, thi s abstract i s easy to r ead, and w e have a cl ear i dea of w hat
ex per i m ent was done, w hat r esul ts w er e f ound, and w hat the answ er was. But even
though a questi on appear s to be stated, w e do not have a cl ear over v i ew f r om the
begi nni ng. The r eason i s that the questi on (A 1 ) i s stated vaguel y. Onl y the dependent
var i abl e (pl asm a chol ester ol m etabol i sm ) i s nam ed. The i ndependent var i abl e (ci gar ette
sm ok i ng) i s hi dden i n the descr i pti on of the study subjects (A 2 ). The i ndependent and
dependent var i abl es ar e not joi ned by a ver b. Fur ther m or e, the speci f i c topi c—abnor m al
m etabol i sm —i s m i ssi ng. To have a speci f i c questi on that anti ci pates the answ er
(“ci gar ette sm ok i ng causes abnor m al m etabol i sm of pl asm a chol ester ol i n young m en”),
the questi on w oul d have to be “to deter m i ne w hether ci gar ette sm ok i ng by young m en
causes abnor m al m etabol i sm of pl asm a chol ester ol ,” not “pl asm a chol ester ol
m etabol i sm was studi ed.” Stati ng the questi on speci f i cal l y, as i n the r ev i si on bel ow,
pr epar es f or the answ er m or e cl ear l y. Si m i l ar l y, the f i r st sentence shoul d pr epar e the
r eader to hear the i m pl i cati on about ather oscl er oti c vascul ar di sease i n the l ast
sentence.
Tw o other com m on f l aw s al so appear i n thi s abstract. One i s that P val ues ar e i ncl uded
but no data ar e gi ven. P val ues al one ar e not usef ul . If you want to gi ve a quanti tati ve
i dea of the data w i thout pr esenti ng actual val ues such as m ean and standar d dev i ati on,
gi ve per cent change. If you do gi ve a P val ue, al so gi ve the m ean, standar d dev i ati on,
and sam pl e si ze (n) (see Ex am pl e 10. 11 bel ow ).
In addi ti on, i n the l ast sentence, the ter m “data” i s used, but, as w e have just seen, no
data ar e gi ven. “Data” i n sentence E shoul d be changed to “r esul ts” or “f i ndi ngs,” w hi ch
ar e general i zati ons based on data. (See Chap. 6: “Resul ts and Data” under “Content.”)
Revision
A1To deter m i ne w hether ci gar ette sm ok i ng by young m en causes abnor m al m etabol i sm
of pl asm a chol ester ol A2i ndi cati ve of ather oscl er oti c vascul ar di sease, A3w e com par ed
pl asm a chol ester ol m etabol i sm i n young, nonobese, nor m ol i pi dem i c m en w ho sm oked
m oderatel y [24 ± 5 (SD) ci gar ettes/day ] w i th chol ester ol m etabol i sm i n a m atched
nonsm ok i ng nor m al contr ol gr oup. BWe f ound that i n the sm oker s, both net transpor t of
chol ester ol f r om cel l m em branes i nto pl asm a and the rati o of the rate of chol ester y l
ester transf er to the am ount of l ow and ver y l owdensi ty l i popr otei n w er e decr eased.
CIn addi ti on, apopr otei n E was i ncr eased i n sm oker s' pl asm a, w her eas apopr otei n AI,
the
P. 280
m ajor apopr otei n of hi ghdensi ty l i popr otei n, was decr eased. DThi s patter n of
abnor m al i ti es has pr ev i ousl y been obser ved i n several other gr oups of subjects at
i ncr eased r i sk f or ather oscl er oti c vascul ar di sease (di abeti cs, dy sbetal i popr otei nem i cs,
and hy per betal i popr otei nem i cs). E1These r esul ts i ndi cate that ci gar ette sm ok i ng causes
abnor m al m etabol i sm of pl asm a chol ester ol i n young m en, E2w hi ch coul d par tl y ex pl ai n
the hi gh i nci dence of ather oscl er oti c vascul ar di sease i n ol der m al e sm oker s.
In thi s r ev i si on, the questi on i s m ade speci f i c by addi ng the i ndependent var i abl e
(“ci gar ette sm ok i ng”), the speci f i c topi c (“abnor m al m etabol i sm of pl asm a chol ester ol ”),
and the ver b “causes.” In addi ti on to these speci f i c detai l s, the f i r st sentence i ncl udes
“i ndi cati ve of ather oscl er oti c vascul ar di sease,” w hi ch i m pl i es the ul ti m ate questi on
behi nd the questi on asked i n thi s paper and thus pr epar es f or the i m pl i cati on stated
af ter the answ er (sentence E 2 ). Fi nal l y, P val ues ar e om i tted and “data” i s changed to
“r esul ts” (E 1 ).
Som e peopl e m ay pr ef er to state the questi on m or e general l y (“To deter m i ne the ef f ect
of ci gar ette sm ok i ng by young m en on the m etabol i sm of pl asm a chol ester ol ”) because
i t i s m or e objecti ve soundi ng. But i f you r eal l y suspected that ci gar ette sm ok i ng m i ght
cause abnor m al m etabol i sm of chol ester ol , i n other w or ds, i f you r eal l y had a
hy pothesi s, you shoul d state the questi on speci f i cal l y. Al though a general questi on i s
better than a vague questi on, a speci f i c questi on i s best, because a speci f i c questi on
pr epar es the r eader f or the speci f i c answ er.
Answer Not Stated

A thi r d dev i ati on f r om the standar d f or m of the abstract f or a hy pothesi stesti ng paper
i s that even though the questi on i s stated, the answ er i s not. Instead an i m pl i cati on i s
stated. Consi der i ng that the f uncti on of the abstract i s to pr ov i de an over v i ew of the
stor y and that the answ er i s the cul m i nati on of the stor y, not stati ng the answ er
under m i nes the abstract. Fur ther m or e, m ost r eader s do not r eal i ze that the answ er i s
m i ssi ng, so they coul d be conf used w i thout k now i ng i t. For a cl ear abstract that has an
unm i stak abl e m essage, the answ er m ust be stated (and cl ear l y si gnal ed).
Example 10.8
ADi gesti on of l owdensi ty l i popr otei n i n v i tr o by the speci f i c endopr otease k al l i k r ei n
pr oduces tw o f ragm ents f r om B100: K 1 and K 2 . B1To deter m i ne w hether these
f ragm ents ar i se f r om the sam e poi nt of cl eavage as the natural l y occur r i ng f ragm ents of
B100, B74 and B26, B2w e used k al l i k r ei n to di gest l owdensi ty l i popr otei n f r om
hum an pl asm a and com par ed the r esul ti ng f ragm ents, K 1 and K 2 , w i th B74 and B26.
CWe f ound that not onl y the m ol ecul ar w ei ght and the stoi chi om etr y but al so the am i no
ter m i nal am i no aci d sequence i n K 1 and K 2 pr eci sel y m atched those i n B74 and B26.
DThese f i ndi ngs str ongl y suggest that k al l i k r ei n i s the agent r esponsi bl e f or the
f or m ati on of B74 and B26 i n hum an l owdensi ty l i popr otei n.
In thi s abstract, w e see the over v i ew f r om the begi nni ng and can easi l y f ol l ow the stor y
unti l the l ast sentence. Al though the abstract ends by stati ng a cl osel y r el ated
i m pl i cati on of the f i ndi ngs, that i s not w hat w e w er e ex pecti ng. We w er e ex pecti ng the
answ er to the questi on. The i m pl i cati on can be added af ter the answ er, but i t shoul d not
be stated i nstead of the answ er.
Revision
ADi gesti on of l owdensi ty l i popr otei n i n v i tr o by the speci f i c endopr otease k al l i k r ei n
pr oduces tw o f ragm ents f r om B100: K 1 and K 2 . B1To deter m i ne
P. 281
w hether these f ragm ents ar i se f r om the sam e poi nt of cl eavage as the natural l y
occur r i ng f ragm ents of B100, B74 and B26, B2w e used k al l i k r ei n to di gest l owdensi ty
l i popr otei n f r om hum an pl asm a and com par ed the r esul ti ng f ragm ents, K 1 and K 2 , w i th
B74 and B26. CWe f ound that not onl y the m ol ecul ar w ei ght and the stoi chi om etr y but
al so the am i no ter m i nal am i no aci d sequence i n K 1 and K 2 pr eci sel y m atched those i n B
74 and B26. DWe concl ude that f ragm ents K 1 and K 2 ar i se f r om the sam e poi nt of
cl eavage as the natural l y occur r i ng f ragm ents B74 and B26. EThese f i ndi ngs str ongl y
suggest that k al l i k r ei n i s the agent r esponsi bl e f or the f or m ati on of B74 and B26 i n
hum an l owdensi ty l i popr otei n.
In the r ev i si on, the answ er has been added (D), thus m ak i ng the stor y com pl ete and
cl ear. In addi ti on, because the answ er uses the sam e key ter m s, the sam e poi nt of
v i ew, and the sam e ver b as i n the questi on, i t i s easy to see that the answ er answ er s
the questi on asked. Fur ther m or e, the answ er i s a m i ssi ng step i n the l ogi c. Once the
answ er i s stated, i t i s easi er to under stand the i m pl i cati on.
Substitution of a Descriptive Abstract for a Hypothesis

Testing Abstract
The ul ti m ate dev i ati on f r om the standar d f or m of a hy pothesi stesti ng abstract i s the
substi tuti on of a descr i pti ve abstract f or a hy pothesi stesti ng abstract. The r eason that
thi s substi tuti on i s a pr obl em i s that a descr i pti ve abstract i m pl i es that you had no
hy pothesi s, but rather m ade a di scover y. Thi s i m pl i cati on i s m i sl eadi ng and m akes the
stor y of the sci ence uncl ear. If your study tested a hy pothesi s (or asked a questi on),
you shoul d i ncl ude the hy pothesi s i n the abstract and w r i te a hy pothesi stesti ng
abstract, not a descr i pti ve abstract.
To i l l ustrate the pr obl em of the substi tuti on of descr i pti ve abstracts f or hy pothesi s
testi ng abstracts, her e ar e abstracts f or tw o paper s that appear ed back to back i n one
i ssue of the jour nal Cel l . The paper s descr i be ver y si m i l ar f i ndi ngs f or ver y si m i l ar
enzy m es. Both paper s tested hy potheses, as stated i n thei r i ntr oducti ons. How ever, the
f i r st abstract (Ex am pl e l 0. 9) was w r i tten essenti al l y as a descr i pti ve abstract and the
second one (Ex am pl e 10. 10) was w r i tten as a hy pothesi stesti ng abstract.
Example 10.9
AHer e w e r epor t the generati on of m i ce l ack i ng the ubi qui tousl y ex pr essed Janus
k i nase, Jak 1. BJak 1 / m i ce ar e r unted at bi r th, f ai l to nur se, and di e per i natal l y.
CAl though Jak 1/ cel l s ar e r esponsi ve to m any cy tok i nes, they f ai l to m ani f est bi ol ogi c
r esponses to cy tok i nes that bi nd to thr ee di sti nct f am i l i es of cy tok i ne r eceptor s. DThese
i ncl ude al l cl ass II cy tok i ne r eceptor s, cy tok i ne r eceptor s that uti l i ze the γ c subuni t f or
si gnal i ng, and the f am i l y of cy tok i ne r eceptor s that depend on the gp130 subuni t f or
si gnal i ng. EOur r esul ts thus dem onstrate that Jak 1 pl ay s an essenti al and nonr edundant
r ol e i n pr om oti ng bi ol ogi c r esponses i nduced by a sel ect subset of cy tok i ne r eceptor s,
i ncl udi ng those i n w hi ch Jak uti l i zati on was thought to be nonspeci f i c.
At f i r st gl ance, the f i r st sentence of Ex am pl e 10. 9 sounds r easonabl e. But upon

r ef l ecti on, w e ask , w hy di d you want to generate m i ce l ack i ng Jak 1? Thi s i s not the
sam e thi ng as i denti f y i ng and character i zi ng a gene. As w e conti nue r eadi ng the abstract
the my ster y i s not cl ear ed up. It i s onl y w hen w e get to the l ast sentence that w e see
the answ er and under stand w hat the questi on m ust have been: Does Jak 1 have an
essenti al , nonr edundant r ol e i n cy tok i nei nduced bi ol ogi c r esponses?
The nex t abstract tel l s i ts stor y m or e cl ear l y.
P. 282
Example 10.10
AA var i ety of cy tok i nes acti vate r eceptor associ ated m em ber s of the Janus f am i l y of
pr otei n ty r osi ne k i nases (Jak s). BTo assess the r ol e of Jak 2, w e have der i ved Jak 2
def i ci ent m i ce. CThe m utati on causes an em br yoni c l ethal i ty due to the absence of
def i ni ti ve er y thr opoi esi s. DFetal l i ver myel oi d pr ogeni tor s, al though pr esent based on
the ex pr essi on of l i neage speci f i c m ar ker s, f ai l to r espond to er y thr opoi eti n,
thr om bopoi eti n, i nter l euk i n3 (IL–3), or granul ocy te/ m acr ophage col onysti m ul ati ng
f actor. EIn contrast, the r esponse to granul ocy tespeci f i c col onysti m ul ati ng f actor i s
unaf f ected. FJak 2def i ci ent f i br obl asts f ai l ed to r espond to i nter f er on γ (IFN γ ), al though
the r esponses to IFN α/β and IL6 w er e unaf f ected. GLastl y, r econsti tuti on ex per i m ents
dem onstrate that Jak 2 i s not r equi r ed f or the generati on of l y m phoi d pr ogeni tor s, thei r
am pl i f i cati on, or f uncti onal di f f er enti ati on. HTher ef or e, Jak 2 pl ay s a cr i ti cal ,
nonr edundant r ol e i n the f uncti on of a speci f i c gr oup of cy tok i ne r eceptor s.
In contrast to the f i r st sentence of Ex am pl e 10. 9, the f i r st sentence of Ex am pl e 10. 10

(af ter the back gr ound) i s not m i sl eadi ng. A questi on, though a vague one, i s stated.
Af ter the questi on com es a statem ent of the ex per i m ent done. Thi s statem ent of the
ex per i m ent done i s al m ost ex actl y the sam e as the statem ent of the m essage i n
Ex am pl e 10. 9. Cer tai nl y, der i v i ng (generati ng) Jak 2def i ci ent m i ce (m i ce l ack i ng Jak 1)
i s not the m essage. Com par i ng the l ast sentences of Abstracts 10. 9 and 10. 10 show s
that the m essage f or both i s that Jak 1 and Jak 2 pl ay cr i ti cal , nonr edundant r ol es i n the
r esponses of a gr oup of cy tok i ne r eceptor s.
Ex am pl e 10. 10 coul d be w r i tten m or e cl ear l y. Most i m por tantl y, a speci f i c questi on

rather than a vague one shoul d be stated, and the questi on, answ er, and ti tl e shoul d
m atch. The ti tl e was “Jak 2 Is Essenti al f or Si gnal i ng thr ough a Var i ety of Cy tok i ne
Receptor s.” In addi ti on, a com pl ete over v i ew of the ex per i m ent that was done to answ er
the questi on shoul d be added, and the begi nni ng of the r esul ts shoul d be si gnal ed.
Fi nal l y, al l r esul ts shoul d be stated i n past tense.
Revision
AA var i ety of cy tok i nes acti vate r eceptor associ ated m em ber s of the Janus f am i l y of
pr otei n ty r osi ne k i nases (Jak s). B To de te rmine w he the r Ja k 2 is e s s e ntia l for
s igna ling through the re c e ptors of the s e c ytok ine s , w e der i ved Jak 2def i ci ent m i ce
and assessed thei r overal l phenoty pe and cel l ul ar r esponses to a var i ety of cy tok i nes.
C We f ound that the Jak 2 def i ci ency k i l l ed the em br yos due to the absence of def i ni ti ve
er y thr opoi esi s. D In addi ti on, f etal l i ver myel oi d pr ogeni tor s, al though pr esent, as
i ndi cated by the ex pr essi on of l i neagespeci f i c m ar ker s, di d not r espond to
er y thr opoi eti n, thr om bopoi eti n, i nter l euk i n3 (IL3), or granul ocy te/m acr ophage col ony
sti m ul ati ng f actor. E In contrast, the r esponse to granul ocy tespeci f i c col onysti m ul ati ng
f actor was unaf f ected. F Jak 2def i ci ent f i br obl asts di d not r espond to i nter f er on γ (IFN γ ),
al though the r esponses to IFN α/β and IL6 w er e unaf f ected. G Lastl y, r econsti tuti on
ex per i m ents dem onstrateD that Jak 2 i s not r equi r ed f or the generati on of l y m phoi d
pr ogeni tor s, thei r am pl i f i cati on, or f uncti onal di f f er enti ati on. H Thus, Jak 2 i s essenti al
f or si gnal i ng thr ough a var i ety of cy tok i ne r eceptor s.
In addi ti on to the pr obl em of substi tuti ng a descr i pti ve abstract f or a hy pothesi s–testi ng
abstract, as i l l ustrated above, num er ous var i ati ons on thi s pr obl em ex i st. For ex am pl e,
som e abstracts tr y to have the best of both w or l ds, so they star t by stati ng the
back gr ound and a m essage si gnal ed by “Her e w e r epor t” and then add a questi on, the
ex per i m ent done, the r esul ts f ound, and an i m pl i cati on (but no answ er ). These strange
hy br i ds shoul d be avoi ded.
P. 283
The advantages of hav i ng standar d f or m s f or abstracts ar e that the sci ence i s r ef l ected
accuratel y, the r eader s k now w hat to ex pect, and the author s do not have to r ei nvent
the w heel . Know w hat ty pe of sci ence you ar e doi ng and use the standar d f or m to r epor t
i t, unl ess you have a ver y good r eason to m odi f y the f or m . These ver y good r easons
occur rar el y i f ever, not r outi nel y.
In sum m ar y, to ensur e that your abstract pr ov i des a cl ear over v i ew (1) state the
questi on you asked, (2) m ake the statem ent of the questi on speci f i c rather than vague
or general (nam e both the i ndependent and the dependent var i abl es, usi ng the sam e key
ter m s and the sam e poi nt of v i ew as i n the answ er, and, to anti ci pate the answ er, use a
ver b i n the questi on—the sam e ver b as i n the answ er ), (3) state the answ er to the
questi on, m ak i ng sur e that the answ er answ er s the questi on asked, and (4) w r i te a
hy pothesi stesti ng abstract, not a descr i pti ve abstract, w hen you tested a hy pothesi s.
Excessive Length
Another com m on pr obl em i n abstracts f or r esul ts paper s i s excessi ve l ength. Al though
m any jour nal s r equest abstracts no l onger than 250 w or ds, and other jour nal s have
shor ter l i m i ts, m any publ i shed abstracts ar e w el l over 250 w or ds. Even those that ar e
l ess than 250 w or ds m ay be l onger than necessar y. Ex am pl e 10. 11 i s a cl ear l y w r i tten
abstract, but at 271 w or ds i t i s 121 w or ds l onger than w hat the jour nal r equested.

ADel ayed cl osur e of the ductus ar ter i osus af ter bi r th has been obser ved i n new bor n
i nf ants w ho have cr i ti cal pul m oni c stenosi s and i n new bor n l am bs that have
ex per i m ental pul m oni c stenosi s. BThi s del ayed ductal cl osur e m ay be caused by
decr eased abi l i ty of the m uscl e to contract w hen ex posed to ox ygen or by i ncr eased
pr oducti on of or sensi ti v i ty to pr ostagl andi n E 2 (PGE 2 ), the endogenous ductus
ar ter i osus vasodi l ator. C1To deter m i ne the cause of the del ayed ductal cl osur e i n f etal
l am bs that have ex per i m ental pul m oni c stenosi s, C2w e operated on 10 f etal l am bs of
gestati onal ages 70 to 77 day s (ter m i s 148 day s) and pl aced a band ar ound the
pul m onar y ar ter y. DCatheter i zati on at 137 to 142 day s show ed sever e pul m oni c
stenosi s. EWe then studi ed i sol ated r i ngs of ductus ar ter i osus f r om these l am bs. FWe
f ound that the ox ygen i nduced i ncr ease i n m uscl e tensi on was si gni f i cantl y l ess i n r i ngs
of ductus ar ter i osus f r om 10 l am bs w i th pul m oni c stenosi s than i n r i ngs f r om 6 contr ol
l am bs (2. 55 ± 0. 38 v s. 4. 03 ± 0. 51 g/m m 2 , P > 0. 03). GTher e was no di f f er ence
betw een the tw o gr oups ei ther i n the am ount of PGE 2 r el eased by the r i ngs or i n the
sensi ti v i ty (ex pr essed as m edi an ef f ecti ve dose) of the r i ngs to PGE 2 . HTher e was al so
no di f f er ence i n the i ncr ease i n tensi on w hen endogenous PGE 2 was i nhi bi ted by
i ndom ethaci n. IWe concl ude that del ayed cl osur e of the ductus ar ter i osus i n f etal l am bs
that have ex per i m ental pul m oni c stenosi s i s not caused by i ncr eased pr oducti on of or
sensi ti v i ty to PGE 2 i n the ductus ar ter i osus (as i t i s i n pr em atur e l am bs) but rather i s
the r esul t of decr eased abi l i ty of the ductus ar ter i osus to contract w hen ex posed to
ox ygen.
The r ev i si on bel ow cuts 92 w or ds f r om the or i gi nal ver si on, thus m or e near l y

appr oachi ng the r equested l ength of 150 w or ds. The r ev i si on r etai ns the essenti al
i nf or m ati on and om i ts l ess i m por tant detai l s. Speci f i cal l y,
The tw o sentences of back gr ound (A and B of the or i gi nal ver si on) ar e condensed i nto a
si ngl e sentence (A of the r ev i si on).
The def i ni ti on of pr ostagl andi n E 2 as a vasodi l ator (end of B) i s om i tted (A).
P. 284
Ex per i m ental pr eparati on f or the i ndependent var i abl e (C 2 , D) i s om i tted and sentences
C–E ar e com bi ned i nto a si ngl e sentence that states the questi on and the ex per i m ental
appr oach f or the i ndependent and dependent var i abl es (B).
Data (F) ar e om i tted; i nstead per cent change i s gi ven (C).

The statem ent of how sensi ti v i ty to PGE 2 i s ex pr essed (G) i s om i tted (D).
Conf i r m ator y r esul ts (H) ar e om i tted.
The negati ve concl usi on and the com par i son w i th pr em atur e l am bs (I) ar e om i tted.
Revision A (179 words)

ADel ayed cl osur e of the ductus ar ter i osus i n new bor n i nf ants w ho have cr i ti cal pul m oni c
stenosi s m ay be caused by decr eased abi l i ty of the m uscl e to contract w hen ex posed to
ox ygen or by i ncr eased pr oducti on of or sensi ti v i ty to pr ostagl andi n E 2 (PGE 2 ). B1To
deter m i ne the cause of del ayed ductal cl osur e i n f etal l am bs that have ex per i m ental
pul m oni c stenosi s, B2w e i nduced pul m oni c stenosi s i n 10 f etal l am bs at ages 70–77 day s
(ter m i s 148 day s) and then, at 137–142 day s, studi ed i sol ated r i ngs of ductus
ar ter i osus f r om these l am bs. CWe f ound that the ox ygeni nduced i ncr ease i n m uscl e
tensi on i n r i ngs of ductus ar ter i osus f r om 10 l am bs w i th pul m oni c stenosi s was onl y
65% of that i n r i ngs f r om 6 contr ol l am bs. DTher e was no di f f er ence betw een the tw o
gr oups ei ther i n the am ount of PGE 2 r el eased by the r i ngs or i n the sensi ti v i ty of the
r i ngs to PGE 2 . EWe concl ude that del ayed cl osur e of the ductus ar ter i osus i n f etal l am bs
that have ex per i m ental pul m oni c stenosi s i s caused by decr eased abi l i ty of the ductus
ar ter i osus to contract w hen ex posed to ox ygen.
Even though the or i gi nal , l onger abstract i s qui te r eadabl e, the shor ter r ev i si on gets the
over v i ew acr oss m or e cl ear l y. Thus, f or the cl ear est over v i ew, condense l ong abstracts.
To condense a l ong abstract, i n addi ti on to om i tti ng unnecessar y w or ds, condense
back gr ound and om i t l ess i m por tant i nf or m ati on, such as def i ni ti ons, ex per i m ental
pr eparati on, detai l s of m ethods, ex act data, conf i r m ator y r esul ts, and com par i sons w i th
pr ev i ous r esul ts.
To condense thi s abstract f ur ther, to the r equested l ength of 150 w or ds, you have to
om i t som e i m por tant i nf or m ati on. Rev i si on B om i ts the back gr ound statem ent (A)
enti r el y, thus l osi ng the r el ati on of the study to hum an i l l ness, and al so om i ts the l ength
of ter m (B 2 ). In addi ti on, Rev i si on B changes “r i ngs of ductus ar ter i osus” to “ductal
r i ngs” i n the statem ents descr i bi ng the ex per i m ent done and the r esul ts f ound, m akes
sentence D acti ve, changes “sensi ti v i ty of the r i ngs” to “r i ngs' sensi ti v i ty,” changes “w e
concl ude that” to “thus,” and uses “r esul ts f r om ” i nstead of “i s caused by ” i n the
questi on and answ er.
Revision B (151 words)

AWe asked w hether del ayed cl osur e of the ductus ar ter i osus i n f etal l am bs that have
ex per i m ental pul m oni c stenosi s r esul ts f r om decr eased abi l i ty of the m uscl e to contract
w hen ex posed to ox ygen or f r om i ncr eased pr oducti on of or sensi ti v i ty to pr ostagl andi n
E 2 (PGE 2 ). BTo answ er thi s questi on, w e i nduced pul m oni c stenosi s i n 10 f etal l am bs at
ages 70–77 day s and then, at 137–142 day s, studi ed i sol ated ductal r i ngs f r om these
l am bs. CWe f ound that the ox ygeni nduced i ncr ease i n m uscl e tensi on i n ductal r i ngs
f r om 10 l am bs w i th pul m oni c stenosi s was onl y 65% of that i n r i ngs f r om 6 contr ol
l am bs. DN ei ther the am ount of PGE 2 r el eased by the r i ngs nor the r i ngs' sensi ti v i ty to
PGE 2 di f f er ed betw een the tw o gr oups. EThus, del ayed cl osur e
P. 285
of the ductus ar ter i osus i n f etal l am bs that have ex per i m ental pul m oni c stenosi s r esul ts
f r om decr eased abi l i ty of the ductus ar ter i osus to contract w hen ex posed to ox ygen.
Note on Using Abbreviations

The sol uti on to condensi ng thi s abstract was not to use abbr ev i ati ons i nstead of w or ds.
U si ng abbr ev i ati ons m akes r eadi ng m or e di f f i cul t f or m ost r eader s, the di f f i cul ty
i ncr easi ng geom etr i cal l y f or each new abbr ev i ati on used. For an ex am pl e, see the l ast
ex am pl e i n Exer ci se 1. 1 i n Chapter 1.
Variations
Som e jour nal s r equest abstracts i n a f or m di f f er ent f r om the one descr i bed above.
Fol l ow the f or m r equested by the jour nal . For ex am pl e, general jour nal s such as Sci ence
or N atur e r equest ver y shor t abstracts. Sci ence r equests abstracts that “i ncl ude a
sentence or tw o ex pl ai ni ng to the general r eader w hy the r esear ch was under taken and
w hy the r esul ts shoul d be v i ew ed as i m por tant. The abstract shoul d convey the m ai n
poi nt of the paper and outl i ne the r esul ts or concl usi ons.” Thus, the questi on, r esul ts or
concl usi ons, and thei r i m por tance ar e em phasi zed, m ethods ar e m i ni m i zed, and data ar e
om i tted. The abstracts ar e of ten qui te shor t and easy to r ead. Ex am pl e 10. 12 bel ow
f r om Sci ence f ol l ow s thi s f or m .
Example 10.12
AThe ex i stence of spontaneous neural acti v i ty i n m am m al i an r eti nal gangl i on cel l s
dur i ng pr enatal l i f e has l ong been suspected. BThi s acti v i ty coul d pl ay a key r ol e i n the
r ef i nem ent of r eti nal pr ojecti ons dur i ng devel opm ent. C1Recor di ngs i n v i vo f r om the
r eti nas of rat f etuses betw een em br yoni c day s 17 and 21 C2f ound acti on potenti al s i n
spontaneousl y acti ve gangl i on cel l s at al l the ages studi ed.
Repr i nted w i th per m i ssi on f r om Gal l i L, Maf f ei L. Spontaneous i m pul se acti v i ty of rat
r eti nal gangl i on cel l s i n pr enatal l i f e. Sci ence 1988, Oct 7; 242:90–91. Copy r i ght 1988
Am er i can Associ ati on f or the Advancem ent of Sci ence.
Cl i ni cal jour nal s such as Annal s of Inter nal Medi ci ne r equest a speci f i c f or m , k now n as
str uctur ed abstracts. Rather than hav i ng a si ngl e paragraph, these abstracts contai n a
sequence of shor t paragraphs, each pr eceded by a subheadi ng. Ex am pl e 10. 13 i l l ustrates
one sequence of subheadi ngs. If thi s study had had an i ndependent var i abl e, another
subheadi ng, “Inter venti ons,” w oul d have been i ncl uded af ter “Pati ents.” Som e
paragraphs contai n phrases rather than sentences (see “Study Objecti ve,” “Desi gn,” and
“Setti ng” i n Ex am pl e 10. 13). Al though these abstracts tend to be l onger than si ngl e
paragraph abstracts, they ar e cl ear, and each ty pe of i nf or m ati on i s easy to f i nd.
Som e basi c sci ence jour nal s i m i tate the str uctur ed abstract by addi ng subheadi ngs to
the standar d abstract (f or ex am pl e, “Back gr ound,” “Methods,” “Resul ts,” “Concl usi ons”).
Example 10.13
Study Objecti v e: To deter m i ne the associ ati on betw een cur r ent use of nonaspi r i n
nonster oi dal anti i nf l am m ator y dr ugs and f atal pepti c ul cer s or upper gastr oi ntesti nal
hem or r hage i n the el der l y.
P. 286
Desi gn: N ested case contr ol study usi ng a l i nked Medi cai ddeath cer ti f i cate database.
Setti ng: Tennessee Medi cai d enr ol l ees aged 60 and gr eater f r om 1976 to 1984.
Pati ents: One hundr ed tw entytw o pati ents (“the cases”) had a ter m i nal hospi tal i zati on
and a pepti c ul cer or upper gastr oi ntesti nal hem or r hage conf i r m ed by hospi tal char t
r ev i ew. Popul ati on contr ol s (n = 3897) w er e m atched to potenti al cases by age, sex ,
race, cal endar year, and nur si ng hom e status.
Measur em ents and Mai n Resul ts: The 122 pati ents (“cases”) m or e f r equentl y f i l l ed a
pr escr i pti on f or a nonaspi r i n nonster oi dal anti i nf l am m ator y dr ug w i thi n 30 day s bef or e
onset of i l l ness than di d contr ol s (34% v s. 11%; adjusted odds rati o, 4. 7; 95% CI, 3. 1
to 7. 2). Thi s associ ati on betw een cur r ent use of nonaspi r i n nonster oi dal anti
i nf l am m ator y dr ugs and f atal pepti c ul cer di sease was consi stent i n thr ee age gr oups,
w om en and m en, w hi tes and nonw hi tes, and com m uni ty and nur si ng hom e dw el l er s.
Ther e was no si gni f i cant associ ati on betw een case status and pr ev i ous use of nonaspi r i n
nonster oi dal anti i nf l am m ator y dr ugs (adjusted odds rati o, 1. 9; 95% CI, 0. 7 to 4. 7).
Concl usi ons: The f i ndi ngs of thi s study add to the gr ow i ng ev i dence that nonaspi r i n
nonster oi dal anti i nf l am m ator y dr ugs can i ncr ease the r i sk f or cl i ni cal l y ser i ous pepti c
ul cer di sease i n the el der l y.
ABSTRACTS OF METHODS PAPERS
Content
Methods paper s ar e paper s that descr i be new or i m pr oved m ethods, apparatus, or
m ater i al s.
The abstract of a m ethods paper shoul d i ncl ude the f ol l ow i ng i nf or m ati on: the nam e or
the categor y ter m of the m ethod, apparatus, or m ater i al ; the pur pose; the ani m al or
popul ati on; the key f eatur es of the apparatus or m ater i al or how the m ethod or
apparatus w or k s, or both; the advantages; how the m ethod, apparatus, or m ater i al was
tested; and how w el l i t w or k s.
Name
If the m ethod, apparatus, or m ater i al has a nam e, use the nam e i n the abstract.
Other w i se, use a categor y ter m such as “m ethod” or “apparatus,” or, i f possi bl e, add an
adjecti ve that states a key f eatur e of the m ethod bef or e the categor y ter m . For
ex am pl e, i nstead of “a sy stem f or m easur i ng ox ygen consum pti on conti nuousl y i n f etal
sheep has been devel oped” (“sy stem ” i s a categor y ter m ), the author s w r ote “a
m i cr ocom puter based sy stem f or m easur i ng ox ygen consum pti on conti nuousl y i n f etal
sheep has been devel oped.” The adjecti ve “m i cr ocom puter based” i ndi cates a key
f eatur e of the sy stem , thus gi v i ng a cl ear er i dea of w hat the sy stem i s than w oul d the
categor y ter m “sy stem ” al one.
In addi ti on to nam i ng the m ethod or stati ng i ts categor y, you can i ndi cate that a m ethod
i s an i m pr oved ver si on of an ex i sti ng m ethod by addi ng “i m pr oved” bef or e the nam e or
the categor y ter m . It i s not usual l y necessar y to i ndi cate that a m ethod i s new, but i t i s
OK to do so.
P. 287
Purpose
The pur pose i s usual l y stated i n the ver b f or m “f or doi ng X,” though “to do X” m ay al so
be used. In the ex am pl e above, the pur pose i s stated i n the f or m “f or doi ng X”: “a
m i cr ocom puter based sy stem f or m easur i ng ox ygen consum pti on conti nuousl y i n f etal
sheep.”
Animal or Population
The ani m al or popul ati on that the m ethod, apparatus, or m ater i al appl i es to shoul d be
i ncl uded unl ess the popul ati on studi ed was al l hum ans. In the ex am pl e above, the
ani m al i s stated—f etal sheep.
Key Features and How the Method Works

Key f eatur es of the apparatus or the m ater i al , how the m ethod or apparatus w or k s, or
both ar e i ncl uded to gi ve the r eader an i dea of w hat the m ethod, apparatus, or m ater i al
i s.
Advantages
Advantages ar e i ncl uded to conv i nce the r eader that a new m ethod i s a good one or that
an i m pr oved m ethod i s better than ex i sti ng m ethods. The advantages of an i m pr oved
m ethod shoul d sol ve the pr obl em s of the ex i sti ng m ethods. Stati ng the advantages i s
i m por tant so that the r eader k now s w hy the m ethod i s needed.
How It Was Tested and How Well It Works

How the m ethod was tested and how w el l i t w or k s ar e i ncl uded to conv i nce the r eader
that the m ethod i s r el i abl e, accurate, or w hatever.
Organization
The i nf or m ati on i n an abstract f or a m ethods paper shoul d be or gani zed essenti al l y i n
the or der just stated (see Ex am pl e 10. 15 bel ow ). Speci f i cal l y, the abstract shoul d
al way s begi n w i th the nam e of the m ethod f ol l ow ed by i ts pur pose and the ani m al or
popul ati on and then by i ts key f eatur es or how i t w or k s. Ei ther the advantages or how
the m ethod was tested and how w el l i t w or k s can com e at the end (see Ex am pl e 10. 14).
Mor e than one k i nd of i nf or m ati on can be i ncl uded i n one sentence. Speci f i cal l y, the
nam e of the m ethod, i ts pur pose, and the ani m al or popul ati on ar e v i r tual l y al way s i n
one sentence, and how the m ethod was tested and how w el l i t w or k s ar e of ten i n one
sentence (see Ex am pl es 10. 14 and 10. 15).
Verb Tense
In the sentence that nam es the m ethod, the ver b i s i n past tense (actual l y, pr esent
per f ect tense) or pr esent tense, dependi ng on the ver b used. For ex am pl e, “An i m pr oved
m ethod has been dev el oped” (done i n the past, so past tense) or “An i m pr oved m ethod
i s descr i bed” (sti l l tr ue, so pr esent tense). Ver bs i n sentences that descr i be the m ethod
and i ts advantages ar e i n pr esent tense. For ex am pl e, “The sy stem i ncl udes…”; “The
m ethod cuts shor t
P. 288
and si m pl i f i es the conventi onal pr ocedur e…”; “Addi ti onal advantages of the m ethod
ar e…” Ver bs i n sentences tel l i ng how the m ethod was tested and how w el l i t w or k s ar e
i n past tense. For ex am pl e, “the f l ow m eter accuratel y m easur ed a w i de range of ti dal
vol um es.”
Writing
Pr i nci pl es f or conti nui ty, sentence str uctur e, w or d choi ce, abbr ev i ati ons, and l ength i n
abstracts f or m ethods paper s ar e the sam e as those f or abstracts of hy pothesi stesti ng
paper s and descr i pti ve paper s.
Example 10.14
A1An i m pr oved m ethod has been devel oped A2f or i sol ati ng al veol ar ty pe II cel l s A3by
di gesti ng l ung ti ssue w i th el astase and “panni ng” the r esul tant cel l suspensi on on pl ates
coated w i th IgG. BThi s m ethod pr ov i des both hi gh y i el d and hi gh pur i ty of ty pe II cel l s.
C1In 50 ex per i m ents i n rats, C2w e obtai ned 35 ± 11 (SD) × 10 6 cel l s/rat, 89 ± 4% of
w hi ch w er e ty pe II cel l s. DIn addi ti on, ty pe II cel l s i sol ated by “panni ng” adher e m or e
rapi dl y and com pl etel y i n ti ssue cul tur e than do cel l s i sol ated by centr i f ugati on over
di sconti nuous densi ty gradi ents of m etr i zam i de. EFi nal l y, the m ethod i s r epr oduci bl e and
easi l y adapted to i sol ati ng ty pe II cel l s f r om speci es other than rats.
Thi s abstract begi ns by usi ng a categor y ter m (“m ethod”) to i denti f y the m ethod and
descr i bes i t as i m pr oved (A 1 ). N ex t the pur pose i s stated (A 2 ) f ol l ow ed by a conci se
descr i pti on of how the m ethod w or k s (A 3 ). Al l of thi s i nf or m ati on i s i n one sentence.
The ani m al i s not stated because al though the study was done i n rats (see sentence C),
the m ethod al so appl i es to hum ans and other ani m al s (see sentence E). Sentence B
states tw o advantages of thi s m ethod (hi gh y i el d and hi gh pur i ty ). Sentence C tel l s how
the m ethod was tested (C 1 ) and then gi ves data that suppor t the hi gh y i el d and the hi gh
pur i ty, thus i ndi cati ng how w el l the m ethod w or k s (C 2 ). Sentence D states tw o
advantages over another m ethod, thus suppor ti ng the cl ai m that the m ethod i s an
i m pr ovem ent (A 1 ). Sentence E states tw o f i nal advantages.
Conti nui ty i s cl ear because key ter m s ar e r epeated (“m ethod” i n A, B, and E; “panni ng”
i n A and D; “ty pe II cel l s” i n A, B, C, D, and E) and because transi ti on w or ds ar e used
(“i n addi ti on,” “f i nal l y ”). The sentences ar e shor t (m ean, 22 w or ds per sentence). Wor ds
ar e as si m pl e as possi bl e, and onl y one abbr ev i ati on i s used—IgG (i m m unogl obul i n G).
It i s not def i ned because i t i s consi der ed a standar d abbr ev i ati on. The abstract i s shor t
(110 w or ds) and the over v i ew i s cl ear.
Example 10.15
A1We have desi gned a new endotracheal f l ow m eter A2to m easur e ti dal vol um e, phasi c
and m ean ai r way pr essur e, i nspi rator y ti m e, and endti dal PCO 2 and PO 2 A3i n i ntubated
i nf ants. BThe f l ow m eter i s l i ght (11 g) and adds m i ni m al dead space (1. 0 m l ) and
m i ni m al r esi stance (2 cm H 2 O/110 m l per s) to the i nf ant's ai r way. CThe vol um e si gnal
(≤ 10 m l ) i s l i near to 7 Hz, and endti dal gases can be m easur ed at r espi rator y rates of
90 br eaths/m i n. DThi s f l ow m eter i s par ti cul ar l y val uabl e f or eval uati ng rapi d m echani cal
venti l ati on of ver yl owbi r thw ei ght i nf ants. E1In 125 studi es i n 50 i nf ants w ei ghi ng
740–1500 g, E2the f l ow m eter accuratel y m easur ed a w i de range of ti dal vol um es.
P. 289
Thi s abstract descr i bes a new apparatus. The f i r st sentence states the nam e of the
apparatus (endotracheal f l ow m eter ) (A 1 ), i denti f i es i t as new (A 1 ), states i ts pur pose
(A 2 ), and nam es the popul ati on the apparatus appl i es to (A 3 ). The nex t tw o sentences
(B, C) descr i be key f eatur es of the f l ow m eter and i ncl ude a num ber of speci f i c detai l s.
Sentence D states an advantage. The l ast sentence tel l s how the f l ow m eter was tested
(E 1 ) and how w el l i t w or k s (E 2 ).
Conti nui ty i s cl ear f r om r epeti ti on of the key ter m “f l ow m eter ” (i n A, B, D, and E) and
consi stent poi nt of v i ew (“f l ow m eter,” i n B, D, and E). The sentences ar e shor t (m ean,
22. 6 w or ds/sentence). Wor ds ar e as si m pl e as possi bl e. Tw o standar d abbr ev i ati ons ar e
used (PCO 2 , par ti al pr essur e of car bon di ox i de; PO 2 , par ti al pr essur e of ox ygen). The
abstract i s br i ef (113 w or ds) and the over v i ew i s cl ear.
INDEXING TERMS
Use of Indexing Terms

Som e jour nal s ask author s to suppl y a l i st of i ndex i ng ter m s (al so cal l ed key w or ds) to
gui de i ndexer s i n sel ecti ng ter m s f or the jour nal 's i ndex . Index i ng ter m s ar e som eti m es
pr i nted af ter the abstract or af ter the ti tl e i n the jour nal 's tabl e of contents.
Principles for Selecting Indexing Terms

Index i ng ter m s shoul d nam e i m por tant topi cs i n your paper. Sel ect ter m s that you w oul d
l ook up i f you w er e tr y i ng to f i nd your ow n paper and that w oul d attract the r eader s you
hope to r each.
When sel ecti ng i ndex i ng ter m s, use cur r ent ter m s. Som e jour nal s r equest that author s
sel ect i ndex i ng ter m s f r om the m edi cal subject headi ngs (MeSH) l i sted i n the Januar y
i ssue of Index Medi cus. How ever, MeSH ter m s usual l y l ag behi nd ter m s used i n the m ost
r ecent r esear ch, so you m ay need to use i ndex i ng ter m s that ar e not yet i ncl uded i n
MeSH. For ex am pl e, the ter m “acqui r ed i m m unodef i ci ency sy ndr om e” was needed f or at
l east a year bef or e i t appear ed i n MeSH.
In addi ti on, w hen sel ecti ng i ndex i ng ter m s, use the m ost speci f i c ter m s possi bl e. For
ex am pl e, i n a paper about er y thr omyci n, “er y thr omyci n” shoul d be gi ven as an i ndex i ng
ter m , not the m or e general ter m “anti bi oti cs.” Indexer s can easi l y ex trapol ate f r om the
speci f i c (“er y thr omyci n”) to the general (“anti bi oti cs”) i f necessar y, but they cannot
easi l y ex trapol ate f r om the general to the speci f i c.
N ote that i ndex i ng ter m s can be phrases as w el l as si ngl e w or ds. Thus, a phrase such as
“bl ood coagul ati on di sor der s” i s a possi bl e i ndex i ng ter m .
N ote al so that because i ndexer s can easi l y pi ck i ndex i ng ter m s out of the ti tl e of the
paper, som e jour nal s ask author s to suppl y onl y i ndex i ng ter m s that ar e not i n the ti tl e.
Fi nal l y, w or ds used as i ndex i ng ter m s do not have to be i n the paper. For ex am pl e, i n

the paper “Regi onal Di f f er ences i n Pl eural Ly m phati c Al bum i n Concentrati on i n Sheep,”
the i ndex i ng ter m “capi l l ar y exchange” does not appear i n the paper.
P. 290
ABSTRACTS FOR MEETINGS

Functions
The f uncti ons of abstracts f or m eeti ngs ar e f i r st to show that you have a val uabl e
contr i buti on and second to l ur e an audi ence to your tal k .
Content
To f ul f i l l these f uncti ons, abstracts f or m eeti ngs shoul d f ol l ow the sam e gui del i nes as
abstracts of paper s except that abstracts f or m eeti ngs ar e l i kel y to i ncl ude m or e detai l s
of m ethods and to di spl ay data i n a tabl e or a graph. The r eason f or i ncl udi ng m or e
m ethods detai l s and data i s that thi s ex tra i nf or m ati on hel ps the sel ecti on com m i ttee
and the peopl e attendi ng the m eeti ng eval uate the val i di ty of the w or k . In addi ti on,
abstracts f or m eeti ngs ar e m or e l i kel y to i ncl ude i m pl i cati ons than ar e abstracts of
paper s, to i ndi cate the i m por tance of the w or k .
Amount of Detail and Use of Abbreviations

Resi st the tem ptati on to cram as m any m ethods detai l s, data, and stati sti cal detai l s as
possi bl e i nto an abstract f or a m eeti ng. Excess detai l s m ake the abstract unr eadabl e
because the tr ees over shadow the f or est. It i s better to gi ve one good r esul t than to
gi ve a l ot of data. If the r esul t i s good, the abstract w i l l be accepted. If not, data w i l l
not hel p; data just show that you di d a l ot of w or k .
Al so r esi st the tem ptati on to use abbr ev i ati ons so that you can add m or e detai l s. U si ng
a l ot of abbr ev i ati ons m akes the abstract unr eadabl e because the r eader has to
concentrate on br eak i ng the code.
Fi nal l y, keep i n m i nd that even a detai l ed abstract f or a m eeti ng cannot r epl ace the
paper. For al l practi cal pur poses, abstracts f or m eeti ngs sel fdestr uct af ter a year. If the
paper i s not publ i shed eventual l y, the detai l s and data (as w el l as the concl usi ons) i n
the abstract cannot be used because ther e i s no way of val i dati ng them .
Thus, the judi ci ous use of detai l s and abbr ev i ati ons, not the m ax i m al use, show s that
your contr i buti on i s val uabl e and l ur es an audi ence to your tal k .
Presentation of Data and Results

Data i ncl uded i n an abstract f or a m eeti ng, unl i ke data i n an abstract of a jour nal
ar ti cl e, ar e som eti m es pr esented i n a tabl e or a graph. The tabl e or graph shoul d be
desi gned cl ear l y, the sam e as a tabl e or graph f or a paper. The onl y di f f er ences ar e that
i n abstracts no ti tl e i s gi ven f or tabl es and no l egends ar e i ncl uded f or graphs.
When you i ncl ude a tabl e or a graph i n an abstract f or a m eeti ng, be car ef ul not to om i t
the statem ent of the r esul ts that the data suppor t. Om i tti ng the r esul ts obscur es the
over v i ew (see Ex am pl e 10. 16). For gr eatest cl ar i ty, the tabl e or graph shoul d be pl aced
af ter the sentence that states the r esul ts that the data suppor t, not i nstead of the
r esul ts sentence.
Example 10.16
Fi gur e.
No
Capti on
Avai l abl e.
P. 291
P. 292
Tw o m ajor pr obl em s i n the way thi s abstract i s w r i tten m ake the over v i ew uncl ear :
1. The questi on i s not stated at the begi nni ng. Instead the answ er i s gi ven (thi r d
sentence). Substi tuti ng the answ er f or the questi on i s di sor i enti ng because the
answ er can be m i sr ead as back gr ound i nf or m ati on.
2. The r esul ts ar e not stated. Onl y data ar e show n (i n the tabl e). Thus, w hen w e
r ead the sentence bel ow the tabl e (“Cr om ol y n sodi um at 5 m g/k g/m i n, i n 2 l am bs,
pr oduced si m i l ar r esul ts”), w e do not k now w hat the r esul ts ar e, unl ess w e have
f i gur ed them out f or our sel ves. The r eader shoul d not have to f i gur e out the
r esul ts. The author shoul d state them .
In addi ti on, the om i ssi on of som e i m por tant detai l s f ur ther obscur es the cl ar i ty of
thi s abstract.
3. Onl y one of the tw o doses tested i s m enti oned i n the descr i pti on of the
ex per i m ent, so w e do not ex pect r esul ts f or a second dose.
4. The sam pl e si ze and the dose ar e m i ssi ng f r om the f ootnote of the tabl e.
5. The i m pl i cati on at the end of the l ast sentence say s nothi ng about l eukotr i enes.
Thus, the ex pectati on rai sed by the f i r st w or d of the abstract (a ver y pow er f ul
posi ti on) and em phasi zed by the l ast w or d of the second sentence i s not f ul f i l l ed.
Fi nal l y, the i ncl usi on of som e secondar y detai l s par tl y obscur es the m essage of the
abstract by draw i ng attenti on away f r om the i m por tant detai l s.
6. The stati sti cal com par i sons i n the tabl e ar e not di r ectl y r el evant to the r esul ts
that answ er the questi on. These com par i sons show that hy pox i a i ndeed i nduced
pul m onar y vasoconstr i cti on, as r ef l ected by i ncr eases i n pul m onar y ar ter i al
pr essur e. How ever, the cr uci al com par i son i s betw een pul m onar y ar ter i al pr essur es
f or hy pox i a al one and f or cr om ol y n pl us hy pox i a. The poi nt i s that the val ues w er e
not si gni f i cantl y di f f er ent.
7. Sy stem i c ar ter i al pr essur e and car di ac output ar e not str i ctl y necessar y f or
answ er i ng the questi on, but they ar e i ncl uded i n the tabl e to show that the changes
i n pul m onar y ar ter i al pr essur e di d not r esul t f r om changes i n sy stem i c ar ter i al
pr essur e or f r om changes i n car di ac output.
In the r ev i si on, the questi on i s stated and the r esul ts ar e stated. In addi ti on, the second
dose tested i s m enti oned i n the descr i pti on of the ex per i m ent, the sam pl e si ze and the
dose ar e added to the f ootnote of the tabl e, and “l eukotr i ene r el ease” i s added to the
l ast sentence. These changes m ake the abstract cl ear er. The stati sti cal com par i sons and
the data f or sy stem i c ar ter i al pr essur e and car di ac output, though of secondar y
i m por tance, ar e r etai ned to show the val i di ty of the r esul ts. Fi nal l y, to keep the abstract
the sam e l ength as the or i gi nal ver si on, “w hi ch ar e f ound i n,” “a var i ety of,” and “have
been suggested to” i n the f i r st sentence have been shor tened to “r el eased by,”
“var i ous,” and “m ay.” In the second sentence, “a stabi l i zer of m ast cel l m em branes” has
been changed to the noun cl uster “a m ast cel l m em brane stabi l i zer.” In the statem ent of
the r esul ts, “w e” i s used i nstead of passi ve voi ce, and “si x ” at the begi nni ng of the
sentence becom es “6” w i thi n the sentence. In the sentence bef or e the tabl e, “the” has
been om i tted bef or e “pul m onar y ar ter i al pr essur e r esponses.” In the l ast sentence,
“these” has been changed to “our ” and “pr ev i ous” bef or e “r epor ts” has been om i tted.
P. 293
Revision
Fi gur e.
No
Capti on
Avai l abl e.
P. 294
SUMMARY OF GUIDELINES FOR ABSTRACTS
FUNCTION
The abstract shoul d pr ov i de an over v i ew of the m ai n stor y and a f ew essenti al detai l s.
The abstract shoul d be cl ear both to r eader s w ho r ead the paper and to r eader s w ho do
not r ead the paper.
ABSTRACTS OF HYPOTHESISTESTING PAPERS

State
the questi on you asked.
the ex per i m ent you di d to answ er the questi on:
the m ater i al studi ed (m ol ecul e, cel l l i ne, ti ssue, or gan) and the
or gani sm f r om w hi ch i t cam e, or the ani m al or hum an popul ati on
studi ed.
the ex per i m ental appr oach or the study desi gn, i ncl udi ng both the
i ndependent and the dependent var i abl es.
the r esul ts you f ound that answ er the questi on, i ncl udi ng
onl y the m ost i m por tant r esul ts, i n a l ogi cal or der.
a m i ni m um of data.
per cent change rather than ex act data w hen possi bl e.
cr i ti cal detai l s of m ethods not m enti oned ear l i er.
the answ er to the questi on. Be sur e the answ er answ er s the questi on asked.
If usef ul , al so i ncl ude
back gr ound, at the begi nni ng of the abstract.
an i m pl i cati on, a specul ati on, or a r ecom m endati on at the end of the abstract.
Writing
For abstracts w r i tten as one paragraph,
Si gnal the questi on (“To deter m i ne w hether,” “To test the hy pothesi s that”) or
the questi on and the ex per i m ent done (“We asked w hether… . To answ er thi s
questi on, w e… ,” “We hy pothesi zed that… . To test thi s hy pothesi s, w e…”).
Si gnal the r esul ts (“We f ound”).
Si gnal the answ er (“We concl ude,” “Ther ef or e,”).
Si gnal the i m pl i cati on (“These r esul ts suggest that…”).
U se appr opr i ate ver b tenses:
U se pr esent tense ver bs f or the questi on and the answ er.
U se past tense ver bs to state the ex per i m ent done and the r esul ts f ound.
U se a cauti ous ver b f or i m pl i cati ons (f or ex am pl e, “m ay m edi ate”).
Be car ef ul not to om i t the questi on, not to state the questi on vaguel y, not to state
an i m pl i cati on i nstead of the answ er, and not to w r i te a descr i pti ve abstract i f you
tested a hy pothesi s.
Keep the abstract shor t (> 250 w or ds).
Variations
If the jour nal to w hi ch you ar e subm i tti ng a paper r equests a di f f er ent f or m f or the
abstract, f ol l ow the r equested f or m .
P. 295
ABSTRACTS OF DESCRIPTIVE PAPERS

State
the m essage of the paper.
the r esul ts that suppor t the m essage.
the i m pl i cati on of the m essage.
If usef ul , al so i ncl ude
back gr ound, at the begi nni ng of the abstract.
Writing
Si gnal the m essage (“Her e w e r epor t”).
Si gnal the i m pl i cati on (“These f i ndi ngs suggest that”).
U se appr opr i ate ver b tenses:
U se pr esent tense to descr i be str uctur es.
U se past tense to descr i be r esul ts of ex per i m ents.
ABSTRACTS OF METHODS PAPERS

State
the nam e or the categor y of the m ethod, apparatus, or m ater i al .
the pur pose.
the ani m al or popul ati on.
the key f eatur es, how the m ethod w or k s, or both.
the advantages (to i ndi cate w hy the m ethod i s needed).
how i t was tested.
how w el l i t w or k s.
Al way s begi n w i th the f i r st f our i tem s. The or der of the l ast thr ee i tem s m ay be
changed i f necessar y.
To i ndi cate that the m ethod i s an i m pr oved ver si on of an ex i sti ng m ethod, add
“i m pr oved” bef or e the nam e of the m ethod. It i s not usual l y necessar y to i ndi cate
that a m ethod i s new, but i t i s OK to do so.
State the pur pose i n the f or m “f or doi ng X” or “to do X.”
Incl ude the nam e, pur pose, and ani m al or popul ati on i n one sentence.
U sual l y i ncl ude how the m ethod was tested and how w el l i t w or k s i n one sentence.
U se past tense (pr esent per f ect tense) or pr esent tense to nam e the m ethod,
dependi ng on the ver b used (f or ex am pl e, “An i m pr oved m ethod has been
dev el oped” or “An i m pr oved m ethod i s descr i bed”). U se pr esent tense to descr i be
the m ethod and i ts advantages. U se past tense to state how the m ethod was tested
and how w el l i t w or k s.
INDEXING TERMS
Sel ect ter m s that you w oul d l ook up to f i nd your ow n paper and that w oul d attract
the r eader s you hope to r each.
Sel ect cur r ent, speci f i c ter m s, pr ef erabl y m edi cal subject headi ngs (MeSH), that
nam e i m por tant topi cs i n your paper.
U se phrases as w el l as si ngl e w or ds.
If the jour nal ask s you to suppl y onl y ter m s that ar e not i n the ti tl e of the paper,
do so.
If necessar y, i ncl ude a ter m as an i ndex i ng ter m even i f the ter m does not appear
i n your paper.
P. 296
ABSTRACTS FOR MEETINGS

The f uncti ons of abstracts f or m eeti ngs ar e to show that you have a val uabl e
contr i buti on and to l ur e an audi ence to your tal k .
To f ul f i l l these f uncti ons, i n general , abstracts f or m eeti ngs shoul d f ol l ow the sam e
gui del i nes as abstracts of paper s.
Excepti ons:
It i s OK to gi ve m or e detai l s of m ethods i n an abstract f or a m eeti ng than i n

an abstract of a paper and to di spl ay data i n a tabl e or a graph so that the
r eader can eval uate the val i di ty of the w or k .
Im pl i cati ons ar e i ncl uded i n abstracts f or m eeti ngs m or e of ten than i n

abstracts of paper s to i ndi cate the i m por tance of the w or k .
How ever,
Do not add excessi ve detai l , or the tr ees w i l l over shadow the f or est.
Do not use a l ot of abbr ev i ati ons, or the abstract w i l l be unr eadabl e.
Desi gn the tabl e or graph car ef ul l y, but om i t the ti tl e of the tabl e and the
l egend f or the graph.
Do not om i t the statem ent of the r esul ts that the data i n the tabl e or the
graph suppor t; i nstead, pl ace the tabl e or graph af ter the statem ent of the
r esul ts.
P. 297
EXERCISE 10.1: ABSTRACTS

1. Grade the f ol l ow i ng abstracts A (excel l ent), B (good), C (average), D (poor ), or
F (ter r i bl e). Suppor t your grade w i th r easons.
2. Re w rite one of these abstracts. In your r ev i si on:
s upply the mis s ing pa rts of the abstract; c he c k tha t the a ns w e r a ns w e rs

the que s tion.
a dd s igna ls of the questi on, the ex per i m ent done to answ er the questi on, the
r esul ts, the answ er, and the i m pl i cati on or specul ati on, as needed.
3. In addi ti on,
In Ex am pl e 1 (m ol ecul ar bi ol ogy ),
us e s imple w ords to descr i be the r esul ts.
In Ex am pl e 2 (m ol ecul ar bi ol ogy ),
re pe a t k e y te rms so that w e under stand w hat “posi ti ve” and “negati ve” i n
sentence G m ean. U se the m ost pr eci se key ter m s i n your r ev i si on.
In Ex am pl em 3 (phy si ol ogy ),
us e pre c is e w ords to descr i be the ex per i m ent.
In Ex am pl e 4 (phy si ol ogy ),
de c re a s e the a mount of de ta il.
N ote: These abstracts ar e al l f r om hy pothesi stesti ng paper s.
Abstract 1
Note : The que s tion a s s ta te d—va gue ly—in the Introduc tion w a s “ To inve s tiga te the
func tion of p300 during mous e de ve lopme nt. ”
G ENE DOSAG EDEP ENDENT EMBRY ONIC DEVELOP MENT AND P ROLIFERATION
DEFECTS IN MICE LACKING THE TRANSCRIP TIONAL INTEG RATOR P 300
A The tra ns c riptiona l c oa c tiva tor a nd inte gra tor p300 a nd its c los e ly re la te d fa mily
me mbe r CBP me dia te multiple , s igna lde pe nde nt tra ns c riptiona l e ve nts . BWe ha ve
ge ne ra te d mic e la c k ing a func tiona l p300 ge ne . C Anima ls nullizygous for p300 die d
be tw e e n da ys 9 a nd 11. 5 of ge s ta tion, e x hibiting de fe c ts in ne urula tion, c e ll
prolife ra tion, a nd he a rt de ve lopme nt. D Ce lls de rive d from p300de fic ie nt e mbryos
dis pla ye d s pe c ific tra ns c riptiona l de fe c ts a nd prolife ra te d poorly. E Surpris ingly,
p300 he te rozygote s a ls o ma nife s te d c ons ide ra ble e mbryonic le tha lity. F More ove r,
double he te rozygos ity for p300 a nd c bp w a s inva ria bly a s s oc ia te d w ith e mbryonic
de a th. G Thus , mous e de ve lopme nt is e x quis ite ly s e ns itive to the ove ra ll ge ne
dos a ge of p300 a nd c bp. H Our re s ults provide ge ne tic e vide nc e tha t a c oa c tiva tor
e ndow e d w ith his tone a c e tyltra ns fe ra s e a c tivity is e s s e ntia l for ma mma lia n c e ll
prolife ra tion a nd de ve lopme nt.
G ra de :_____
Re a s ons :
Hi de Answ er
Abs tra c t 1
G ra de : C
Stre ngths : shor t abstr act, shor t sentences, cl ear r esul ts
Bigge s t P roble ms :
The questi on i s not stated.
The answ er shoul d be l i m i ted to the ani m al studi ed and the gene studi ed
(H).
The answ er i s too detai l ed:
“Hi stone acety l tr ansf er ase acti v i ty ” i s not m enti oned ear l i er i n the
abstr act.
“A coacti v ator endow ed w i th hi stone acety l tr ansf er ase acti v i ty ”
shoul d be r epl aced by “p300. ”
Othe r P roble ms :
Ex pand the back gr ound to r el ate to the questi on and answ er .
Add the dependent v ar i abl e to the ov er v i ew of the ex per i m ent.
Add a si gnal of the r esul ts.
State the unex pected answ er af ter stati ng the answ er to the questi on.
Pr ov i de a cl ear er r el ati onshi p betw een the tw o answ er s.
U se si m pl e w or ds, m ak e the topi c the subject, and put the acti on i n the
v er b (E, F: di ed).
Quanti f y “consi der abl e” (E) (or w r i te “m ost”).
Cl ar i f y “ov er al l gene dosage” (G).
Re vis ion
AThe transcr i pti onal coacti vator and i ntegrator p300 and i ts cl osel y r el ated
f am i l y m em ber CBP ar e bel i eved to m edi ate num er ous si gnal dependent
transcr i pti onal events, i ncl udi ng those i nvol ved i n em br yo devel opm ent. B
1 To
deter m i ne w hether the p300 gene i s necessar y f or m ouse em br yo devel opm ent
and cel l pr ol i f erati on, B
2w e assessed these var i abl es i n m i ce w e generated
l ack i ng a f uncti onal p300 gene. CWe f ound that m ouse em br yos nul l i zygous f or
p300 di ed betw een day s 9 and 11. 5 of gestati on, ex hi bi ti ng def ects i n
neur ul ati on, cel l pr ol i f erati on, and hear t devel opm ent. DCel l s der i ved f r om
p300def i ci ent em br yos di spl ayed speci f i c transcr i pti onal def ects and
pr ol i f erated poor l y. ESur pr i si ngl y, m ost of the p300 heter ozygous em br yos
al so di ed. FMor eover, al l em br yos doubl y heter ozygous f or p300 and cbp di ed.
HThus, the p300 gene i s essenti al f or m ouse em br yo devel opm ent and cel l
pr ol i f erati on. GOur f i ndi ngs al so show that nor m al m ouse em br yo devel opm ent
i s ex qui si tel y sensi ti ve to under dosage and over dosage of p300 and cbp
genes. 144 w or ds, 18 w or ds/sentence
P. 298
Abstract 2
Note : The hypothe s is s ta te d (but not ide ntifie d) in the Introduc tion w a s “ tha t
va rious fa c tors w ith diffe re nt func tions inte ra c t w ith the s a me or s imila r
s e que nc e s to c ontrol ge ne e x pre s s ion. ” The a ns w e r s ta te d in the Dis c us s ion w a s
“ both pos itive a nd ne ga tive fa c tors c a n inte ra c t w ith the s a me DNA s e que nc e in
orde r to re gula te ge ne e x pre s s ion. ”
MOLECU LAR CLONING AND CHARACTERIZATION OF A HU MAN DNA BINDING FACTOR

THAT REP RESSES TRANSCRIP TION
A Se ve ra l tra ns c ription fa c tors inte ra c t w ith G Cric h s e que nc e s a nd pos itive ly

re gula te both hous e k e e ping ge ne s a nd c e llula r onc oge ne s . B W e ha ve c lone d a
huma n c DNA tha t e nc ode s a fa c tor tha t binds to a G Cric h s e que nc e re pe a t pre s e nt
in the e pide rma l grow th fa c tor re c e ptor (EG FR), βa c tin, a nd c a lc iumde pe nde nt
prote a s e (CANP ) promote rs . C This c DNA e nc ode s a 91k d prote in w ith a n
e x tre me ly ba s ic re gion a t its a mino te rminus . D De le tion a na lys e s w ith ba c te ria lly
e x pre s s e d prote ins c onta ining fra gme nts of this fa c tor indic a te tha t this ba s ic
re gion of the prote in func tions a s the DNA binding doma in. E Ex pre s s ion of this
fa c tor in CV1 c e lls s how s tha t it re pre s s e s e x pre s s ion origina ting from both the
EG FR a nd βa c tin promote rs a s w e ll a s c hime ric promote rs c onta ining the CANP
ge ne . F It a ls o re pre s s e s tra ns c ription in c e llfre e e x tra c ts . G The s e re s ults s ugge s t
tha t pos itive a nd ne ga tive fa c tors ma y inte ra c t w ith the s a me c ontrol e le me nt to
a c c ount for the dive rs ity of tra ns c riptiona l re gula tion.
G ra de :_____
Re a s ons :
Hi de Answ er
Abs tra c t 2
G ra de : D
Stre ngths : shor t abstr act, usef ul back gr ound stated
Bigge s t P roble ms :
The abstr act i s w r i tten as a descr i pti v e abstr act, r ather than as a
hy pothesi stesti ng abstr act. Thi s f or m i s v er y m i sl eadi ng because the
m essage (sentence B) i s a r easonabl e one f or a descr i pti v e paper .
The answ er (G) i s not stated cl ear l y , m ai nl y because k ey ter m s ar e

changed:
“bi ndi ng” (ti tl e, B, D); “i nter act” (A, G)
“r epr esses” (ti tl e, E, F); “posi ti v el y r egul ate” (A), “posi ti v e and
negati v e f actor s” (G).
“tr anscr i pti on” (ti tl e, F, G), “ex pr essi on” (E)
“GCr i ch sequence” (A, B), “contr ol el em ent” (G).
The v er b i n the si gnal of the answ er i s too w eak ; i t sounds l i k e the

si gnal of an i m pl i cati on, not of an answ er .
The r esul ts f ound ar e not si gnal ed.
The r esul ts ar e w r i tten i n pr esent tense (D–F).
Othe r P roble ms :
N onpar al l el i deas ar e joi ned by “and” (A).
The topi c i s not the subject (C).
The end of the l ast sentence sounds l i k e the pur pose of the i nter acti on
(“to account f or ”). Pr obabl y thi s par t of the sentence i s a specul ati on
(“and thus m ay account f or ”).
Re vis ion
A Fa c tor Tha t Re pre s s e s Tra ns c ription Binds to the Sa me G CRic h

Se que nc e Re pe a t a s Fa c tors Tha t Ac tiva te Tra ns c ription
ASeveral fa c tors tha t bind to G Cric h s e que nc e s a c tiva te tra ns c ription of

both housekeepi ng genes and cel l ul ar oncogenes. AAWe asked w hether
fa c tors that re pre s s tra ns c ription c a n bind to the sam e G Cric h s e que nc e
re pe a t as fa c tors that a c tiva te tra ns c ription. BTo answ er thi s questi on, w e
character i zed a hum an cDN A that encodes a fa c tor that binds to a G Cric h
s e que nc e re pe a t pr esent i n pr om oter s of the epi der m al gr ow th f actor
r eceptor (EGFR), βacti n, and cal ci um dependent pr otease (CAN P). CWe f ound
that thi s fa c tor is a 91k d pr otei n w i th an ex tr em el y basi c r egi on at i ts am i no
ter m i nus. DDel eti on anal y ses i ndi cated that thi s basi c r egi on f uncti ons as the
DN A bi ndi ng dom ai n. EWhen w e ex pr essed thi s fa c tor i n CV1 cel l s, w e f ound
that i t re pre s s e d tra ns c ription or i gi nati ng both f r om the EGFR and βacti n
pr om oter s and f r om chi m er i c pr om oter s contai ni ng the CAN P gene. FIt al so
re pre s s e d tra ns c ription i n cel l f r ee ex tracts. GThese r esul ts i ndi cate that
fa c tors that re pre s s tra ns c ription c a n bind to the sam e G Cric h s e que nc e
re pe a t as f actor s that a c tiva te transcr i pti on.
169 w or ds, 21 w or ds/sentence
Abstract 3
EFFECTS OF EXP OSU RE TO OZONE ON DEFENSIVE MECHANISMS OF THE LU NG
A Va rious c ompone nts of the e ndoge nous de fe ns e me c ha nis m of the lung w e re

s tudie d by me a ns of a unila te ra l lung e x pos ure te c hnique . B Low le ve ls of ozone
w e re found to de c re a s e c e llula r via bility, de pre s s va rious intra c e llula r hydrolytic
e nzyme s (lys ozyme , be ta gluc uronida s e , a nd a c id phos pha ta s e ), a nd inc re a s e the
a bs olute numbe r a nd pe rc e nt of polymorphonuc le a r le uk oc yte s
P . 299
w ithin pulmona ry la va ge fluid. C All
the s e e ffe c ts w e re dos e re la te d a nd w e re found
only in the s ingle lung e x pos e d to ozone a nd not in the c ontra la te ra l lung
s imulta ne ous ly bre a thing a mbie nt a ir. D The re s pons e s w e re found to be the re s ult
of dire c t tox ic ity of this polluta nt ra the r tha n a ge ne ra lize d s ys te mic re s pons e . E It
w a s c onc lude d tha t the obs e rve d e ffe c ts c ould be re s pons ible for the inc re a s e d
morta lity of a nima ls give n a ba c te ria l c ha lle nge follow ing ozone e x pos ure .
G ra de :______
Re a s ons :
Hi de Answ er
Abs tra c t 3
G ra de : C
Stre ngths
Easy to r ead.
States w hat w as f ound br i ef l y and com pl etel y .
Has cl ear or gani zati on i ndi cated by new sentences f or the ex per i m ents
done, the r esul ts, and the answ er to the questi on.
P roble ms
The questi on i s stated v aguel y : the i ndependent v ar i abl e i s m i ssi ng.
Ani m al studi ed?
The ov er v i ew of the ex per i m ent (A) i s not cl ear : How w as one l ung
ex posed—sur gi cal l y ? What w as i t ex posed to?
The ov er v i ew of the ex per i m ent i s i ncom pl ete: What happened to the

other l ung i s not descr i bed unti l sentence C; i t shoul d be i n sentence A.
Som e detai l s of the ex per i m ent ar e m i ssi ng:
What w as the concentr ati on of ozone?
How l ong w as the ex posur e?
What w as the state of the ani m al s dur i ng the study ?
What cel l s w er e studi ed?
The answ er i s not stated or not cl ear l y si gnal ed or both:

The l ast sentence (E) si gnal s an answ er , but i t states an
i m pl i cati on, as i ndi cated by the v er b “coul d be” and by the f acts
that i n thi s study bacter i a w er e not gi v en and m or tal i ty w as not
assessed. The answ er shoul d pr obabl y be about the ef f ect of ozone
on the def ense m echani sm of the l ungs (see the ti tl e), though i t i s
questi onabl e w hether the r esul ts of br onchoal v eol ar l av age shoul d
be ex tended to the l ungs as a w hol e. The i ntended answ er seem s to
be that ozone i m pai r s the def ense m echani sm of the l ungs, though
an i ncr eased num ber of pol y m or phonucl ear l euk ocy tes m ay be a
good thi ng f or l ung def ense.
Sentence D has an uncl ear si gnal (“w er e f ound to be”): i t coul d be

ei ther r esul ts or the answ er .
It i s al so possi bl e that ther e ar e tw o questi ons and tw o answ er s,

one about the ef f ect of ozone on the def ense m echani sm and the
other about di r ect tox i ci ty (sentence D) (see Rev i si on 2).
The w r i ti ng i s gener al l y cl ear but contai ns som e jar gon (“uni l ater al
l ung ex posur e techni que, ” “bacter i al chal l enge”) and uncl ear w or d
choi ce (w hat does “depr ess v ar i ous i ntr acel l ul ar hy dr ol y ti c
enzy m es” m ean: decr ease the num ber s of enzy m es? decr ease
enzy m e acti v i ty ?). Al so the si gnal of the r esul ts w oul d be cl ear er i f
i t w er e at the begi nni ng of the sentence. In the ti tl e, “def ensi v e
m echani sm ” shoul d be “def ense m echani sm . ”
Re vis ion 1 (One Questi on)
OZONE SU P P RESSES THE DEFENSE MECHANISM of RABBITS' LU NG S
A
1 To deter m i ne how l ow concentrati ons of ozone af f ect the endogenous
def ense m echani sm of rabbi ts' l ungs, A

2 We venti l ated one l ung w i th ozone and
the other l ung w i th ai r dur i ng l i ght anesthesi a. BWe f ound that ozone (0. 5–3. 0
ppm f or 3 h) decr eased the v i abi l i ty of al veol ar m acr ophages and the acti v i ty
of i ntracel l ul ar hydr ol y ti c enzy m es (l y sozy m e, betagl ucur oni dase, and aci d
phosphatase. It al so i ncr eased the absol ute num ber and per centage of
pol y m or phonucl ear l eukocy tes i n pul m onar y l avage f l ui d. CAl l these ef f ects
w er e dose r el ated, appear ed onl y i n the l ung venti l ated w i th ozone, and
r esul ted f r om di r ect tox i ci ty of ozone and not f r om a general i zed sy stem i c
r esponse. DWe concl ude that ozone suppr esses the def ense m echani sm of
rabbi ts' l ungs. EWe suggest that thi s suppr essi on m ay be r esponsi bl e f or the
hi gh death rate of rabbi ts i nf ected w i th bacter i a af ter thei r l ungs ar e
venti l ated w i th ozone.
COMMENTS
In Rev i si on 1, the i ndependent var i abl e i s added to the questi on (A 1 ), and the
ani m al (A 1 ), m ethods detai l s (A 2 B), and the answ er (D) ar e al so added. In A 2
the over v i ew of the ex per i m ent i s now com pl ete, and pr eci se w or d choi ce
m akes cl ear how the l ungs w er e ex posed and w hat each l ung was ex posed to.
In A 2 and B, the f ol l ow i ng detai l s of m ethods ar e now i ncl uded: the condi ti on
of the rabbi ts (l i ghtl y anestheti zed), the concentrati on of ozone (0. 5–3. 0
ppm ), the durati on of ex posur e to ozone (3 h), and the ty pe of cel l s studi ed
(al veol ar m acr ophages). The answ er (D) answ er s the questi on asked: the key
ter m s f or the i ndependent and dependent var i abl es ar e the sam e i n the
questi on and the answ er, and the poi nt of v i ew i s the sam e. Al so, the si gnal of
the r esul ts (“We f ound that”) i s m oved to the begi nni ng of the sentence (B),
and the r esul t f or hydr ol y ti c enzy m es i s descr i bed m or e pr eci sel y (“decr eased
the acti v i ty of i ntracel l ul ar hydr ol y ti c enzy m es”). Fi nal l y, i n the i m pl i cati on
(E), w or d choi ce i s si m pl i f i ed (“hi gh death rate” i nstead of “i ncr eased
m or tal i ty ”), jar gon i s avoi ded (“i nf ected w i th bacter i a” i nstead of “gi ven a
bacter i al chal l enge”), and an appr opr i ate si gnal i s used (“We suggest that”).
Re vis ion 2 (Tw o questi ons)
OZONE DIRECTLY IMP AIRS ENDOG ENOU S DEFENSES IN RABBIT LU NG S
AIn rabbi ts ex posed to ozone and then gi ven an i njecti on of bacter i a, m or tal i ty
i s i ncr eased. BThe i ncr eased m or tal i ty m ay r esul t f r om ozonei nduced
i m pai r m ent of the l ungs' def ense m echani sm s. C
1 We ther ef or e asked w hether
ozone ex posur e i m pai r s endogenous def ense m echani sm s i n rabbi ts' l ungs
and, C
2i f so, w hether the i m pai r m ent i s caused by di r ect tox i ci ty of ozone or
by a general i zed sy stem i c r esponse. D

1 For thi s study, w e assessed
com ponents of the l ungs' def ense m echani sm s i n l avage f l ui d f r om both l ungs
of l i ghtl y anestheti zed rabbi ts D
2 af ter venti l ati ng one l ung w i th ozone (0. 5–3. 0
ppm f or 3 h) and the other l ung w i th ai r. EWe f ound that l ow concentrati ons of
ozone decr eased the v i abi l i ty of al veol ar m acr ophages and the acti v i ty of
var i ous i ntracel l ul ar hydr ol y ti c enzy m es (l y sozy m e, betagl ucur oni dase, and
aci d phosphatase). Ozone al so i ncr eased the absol ute num ber and per cent of
pol y m or phonucl ear l eukocy tes w i thi n pul m onar y l avage f l ui d. FAl l these
ef f ects w er e dose r el ated and w er e f ound onl y i n the l ung ex posed to ozone.
GThese r esul ts i ndi cate that ozone ex posur e i m pai r s endogenous def ense
m echani sm s i n rabbi ts' l ungs and that thi s i m pai r m ent i s caused by di r ect
tox i ci ty . AWe specul ate that these i m pai r ed l ung def enses m ay be r esponsi bl e
f or the i ncr eased m or tal i ty of rabbi ts i nf ected w i th bacter i a af ter ex posur e to
ozone.
COMMENTS
Rev i si on 2 ask s tw o questi ons (C 1 , C 2 ) and gi v es tw o answ er s (G). In Rev i si on

2, questi on 1 i s stated m or e speci f i cal l y than the sam e questi on i n Rev i si on 1
and thus anti ci pates the answ er m or e cl ear l y . The r eason the questi on i n
Rev i si on 2 i s m or e speci f i c i s that i t uses the sam e v er b (“i m pai r s”) as the
answ er r ather than the gener al v er b “af f ect. ”
Al so i n Rev i si on 2, back gr ound i nf or m ati on i s added (A, B) to pr epar e f or the

specul ati on at the end of the abstr act (H). N ote that sentence B states the
ul ti m ate questi on the author i s i nter ested i n and sentence H specul ates on a
possi bl e answ er to the ul ti m ate questi on.
Other detai l s added i n Rev i si on 2 ar e the sam e as those i n Rev i si on 1.
Abstract 4
P U LMONARY MECHANICS AND G AS EXCHANG E IN SEATED NORMAL MEN W ITH
CHEST RESTRICTION
A Lung volume s , s ta tic pre s s ure volume c urve s , ma x ima l e x pira tory flow volume
c urve s , righttole ft intra pulmona ry s hunts ([Q w ith dot a bove ] s /[Q w ith dot
a bove ] t ), a nd pe rfus ion re la tive to the a lve ola r ve ntila tion a nd pe rfus ion ra tio ([V
w ith dot a bove ] a /[Q w ith dot a bove ]) w e re de te rmine d in s e a te d norma l me n
be fore c he s t s tra pping w hile bre a thing a ir (C a i r ) a nd during c he s t s tra pping w hile
bre a thing a ir (S a i r ) or 100% ox yge n (SO 2 ). B W ith S a i r a nd SO 2 , me a n vita l c a pa c ity
w a s re duc e d by 44% from c ontrol. C Ela s tic re c oil pre s s ure [P s t(L)] of the lung a t
50% c ontrol tota l lung c a pa c ity (TLC) inc re a s e d s ignific a ntly (P > 0. 05) from 4. 64
± 0. 39 c m H 2 O (me a n ± SE) to 7. 00 ± 0. 47 c m H 2 O w ith S a i r a nd to 7. 24 ± 0. 70 c m
H 2 O w ith SO 2 . D Ma x ima l e x pira tory flow a t 50% of c ontrol TLC inc re a s e d

s ignific a ntly (P > 0. 05) from 3. 22 ± 0. 25 L/s (me a n ± SE) to 5. 84 ± 0. 69 L/s w ith
S a i r a nd to 5. 50 ± 0. 68 L/s w ith SO 2 . E W ith S a i r , no s ignific a nt inc re a s e in [Q w ith
dot a bove ] s /[Q w ith dot a bove ] t from c ontrol w a s obs e rve d. F W ith SO 2 , me a n [Q
w ith dot a bove ] s /[Q w ith dot a bove ] t inc re a s e d s ignific a ntly (P > 0. 05) from 0 to
2. 2 ± 0. 9% of the c a rdia c output. G It is the re fore unlik e ly tha t the de ve lopme nt of

a te le c ta s is , a s indic a te d by a n inc re a s e in [Q w ith dot a bove ] s /[Q w ith dot
a bove ] t , a c c ounts for the inc re a s e in P s t(L) w ith S a i r a nd SO 2 . H Curre nt e vide nc e

s ugge s ts tha t e ithe r c ha nge in a lve ola r s urfa c e c omplia nc e or dis tortion of the
lung or both a re re s pons ible for the inc re a s e d re c oil pre s s ure but tha t ne ithe r
me c ha nis m a lone a ppe a rs to e x pla in it tota lly.
G ra de :______
Re a s ons :
Hi de Answ er
Abs tra c t 4
G ra de : F
P roble ms
Too m uch detai l . You cannot see the f or est f or the tr ees.
In the descr i pti on of the ex per i m ent (A), gi v e the gener al appr oach,
not ev er y v ar i abl e, and i ndi cate the r el ati onshi p betw een v ar i abl es.
In the statem ent of the r esul ts (B–F), gi v e data f or onl y the m ost
i m por tant f i ndi ngs, gi v e per centages i nstead of m eans and SE, or
om i t data al together . Om i t P v al ues. Om i t al l “si gni f i cantl y 's. ” State
“m ean ± SE” (i f used) onl y once.
Too m any abbr ev i ati ons. [Q w i th dot abov e]s/[Q w i th dot abov e]t can be
r epl aced by “shunt f r acti on. ” [V w i th dot abov e]/[Q w i th dot abov e] and
C ai r ar e nev er m enti oned agai n, and Pst(L) and TLC ar e used onl y once
each, so they ar e unnecessar y . S ai r and SO 2 ar e bi zar r e.
The l ast sentence i s uncl ear : i s i t the i m pl i cati on of thi s study or of

other studi es? If other studi es, i t does not bel ong i n the abstr act.
Re vis ion
NO RELATION BETW EEN INCREASED LU NG ELASTIC RECOIL P RESSU RE

AND SHU NT FRACTION IN HEALTHY MEN W ITH STRAP P ED CHESTS
AEl asti c r ecoi l pr essur e of the l ungs i ncr eases w hen total l ung capaci ty
decr eases. B
1 To deter m i ne w hether thi s i ncr eased pr essur e i s due to
atel ectasi s, B
1w e m easur ed el asti c r ecoi l pr essur e and the r i ghttol ef t
i ntrapul m onar y shunt f racti on (an i ndex of atel ectasi s) bef or e and dur i ng
chest strappi ng (a condi ti on that decr eases l ung capaci ty ) i n heal thy m en.
CEx per i m ents w er e done w hi l e the m en br eathed r oom ai r (basel i ne) or 100%
ox ygen (to i nduce atel ectasi s). DWe f ound that al though el asti c r ecoi l
pr essur e i ncr eased by 50% dur i ng chest strappi ng, shunt f racti on was
unchanged w hi l e the m en br eathed r oom ai r and i ncr eased m i ni m al l y w hi l e
they br eathed 100% ox ygen. EWe concl ude that i ncr eased el asti c r ecoi l
pr essur e i n the l ungs dur i ng condi ti ons of decr eased total l ung capaci ty i s not
due to atel ectasi s.
COMMENTS
The r ev i si on i s m uch easi er to r ead because the questi on i s stated (B 1 ), the
ex per i m ental appr oach gi v es an ov er v i ew (B 2 , C), i ndi cator s ar e i denti f i ed
(B 2 , C), and unnecessar y detai l s (l ess i m por tant v ar i abl es, data, stati sti cal
i nf or m ati on, the i m pl i cati on at the end) and al l abbr ev i ati ons ar e om i tted.
Back
Chapter 11
The Title
FUNCTIONS
Ti tl es of bi om edi cal jour nal ar ti cl es have tw o f uncti ons: to i denti f y the m ai n
topi c or the m essage of the paper and to attract r eader s.
CONTENT OF TITLES FOR HYPOTHESISTESTING

PAPERS
Stating the Topic in the Title

The standar d ti tl e of a bi om edi cal r esear ch paper i s a phrase that i denti f i es the
topi c of the paper. For a hy pothesi stesti ng paper, the topi c i ncl udes thr ee
pi eces of i nf or m ati on: the i ndependent var i abl e(s) that you m ani pul ated, i f any
(X), the dependent var i abl e(s) you obser ved or m easur ed (Y), and the ani m al
or popul ati on and the m ater i al on w hi ch you di d the w or k (Z). The ani m al
studi ed m ust al way s be i ncl uded i n the ti tl e, w hether or not the ani m al studi ed
i s i ncl uded i n the questi on and the answ er. If necessar y, tw o other pi eces of
i nf or m ati on m ay al so be i ncl uded i n the ti tl e: the condi ti on of the ani m al s or
subjects dur i ng the study and the ex per i m ental appr oach.
Titles for Papers That Have Both Independent and

Dependent Variables
For studi es that have both i ndependent and dependent var i abl es, the standar d
f or m of the ti tl e i s
Ef f ect of X on Y i n Z.
Example 11.1
Ef f ect of βEndor phi n on Br eathi ng Movem ents i n Fetal Sheep
N ote that i n thi s standar d f or m , the ani m al , popul ati on, or m ater i al studi ed
com es at the end of the ti tl e.
When hum ans ar e studi ed, they ar e of ten om i tted f r om the ti tl e, as i n Ex am pl e

11. 2, though i t i s cl ear est to i ncl ude “hum ans” i n the ti tl e, as i n Ex am pl e 11. 22
bel ow.
P. 301
Example 11.2
Ef f ect of Mem brane Spl i tti ng on Transm em brane Pol y pepti des
How ever, w hen a subpopul ati on of hum ans was studi ed, the subpopul ati on i s
al way s i ncl uded i n the ti tl e.
Example 11.3
Ef f ects of Esm ol ol on Ai r way Functi on i n Pati ents Who Have Asthm a
For the negati ve i m pl i cati on to w or k (no popul ati on i n the ti tl e i m pl i es that the
popul ati on i s hum ans), the ani m al m ust al way s be i ncl uded i n the ti tl e w hen the
w or k was done on ani m al s.
Titles for Papers That Have Only Dependent Variables

For hy pothesi stesti ng studi es that have onl y dependent var i abl es, the standar d
f or m of the ti tl e i s
Y i n Z,
w her e Y i s the dependent var i abl e(s)—that i s, the var i abl e(s) obser ved or
m easur ed—and Z i s the ani m al or popul ati on and the m ater i al on w hi ch the
w or k was done. For ex am pl es, see the r ev i si ons of Ex am pl es 11. 25 and 11. 27
bel ow. Al so see Ex am pl e 11. 36 bel ow.
Other Information in the Title

In addi ti on to these essenti al pi eces of i nf or m ati on (X, Y, and Z), the ti tl e of a
hy pothesi stesti ng paper m ay som eti m es i ncl ude the condi ti on the subjects or
the ani m al s w er e i n dur i ng the ex per i m ents (Ex am pl e 11. 4) or the ex per i m ental
appr oach (Ex am pl e 11. 5), i f these detai l s ar e i m por tant.
Example 11.4
Ef f ect of Hy popr otei nem i a on Fl ui d Bal ance i n the Lungs of Awake N ew bor n
Lam bs
Example 11.5
Mi cr ovascul ar Pr essur es Measur ed by Mi cr opunctur e i n Lungs of N ew bor n
Rabbi ts
Stating the Message in the Title

Tradi ti onal l y, the ti tl e of a bi om edi cal r esear ch paper states the topi c of the
paper. But i f the paper has a str ong, unam bi guous m essage suppor ted by
str ong, unequi vocal ev i dence, the ti tl e of the paper can state the m essage, that
i s, the answ er to the questi on. The m essage can be stated ei ther i n a phrase or
i n a sentence.
Stating the Message in a Phrase

In a phrase ti tl e, the m essage i s ex pr essed by ei ther an adjecti ve or a noun
pl aced bef or e the dependent var i abl e at the begi nni ng of the ti tl e. The adjecti ve
or noun i s based on the ver b used i n the questi on and answ er. For ex am pl e, i f
P. 302
the questi on of the paper i s “to deter m i ne w hether the m etabol i c rate i n rats i s
r educed dur i ng radi of r equency i r radi ati on” and the answ er to the questi on i s
yes, then thi s m essage can be ex pr essed by the adjecti ve “r educed” i n the ti tl e,
Example 11.6
Reduced Metabol i c Rate dur i ng Radi oFr equency Ir radi ati on i n Rats
In Ex am pl e 11. 7 bel ow, the m essage i s ex pr essed by the noun “al terati on”
bef or e the dependent var i abl e. The questi on was to “deter m i ne w hether
pr otei ncal or i e m al nutr i ti on al ter s l ung m echani cs.”
Example 11.7
Al terati on of Lung Mechani cs by Pr otei nCal or i e Mal nutr i ti on i n Weaned Rats
Som eti m es both an adjecti ve and a noun ar e used to state the m essage, as i n
Ex am pl e 11. 8.
Example 11.8
Hy pox i aInduced Al terati ons of Vascul ar Reacti v i ty to N or epi nephr i ne i n Isol ated
Per f used Lung f r om Cats
Stating the Message in a Sentence

Another way to state a m essage i n the ti tl e i s to use a sentence. In a sentence,
the m essage i s ex pr essed by a ver b i n pr esent tense, as i n Ex am pl e 11. 9.
Example 11.9
Verapam i l and Di et Hal t the Pr ogr essi on of Ather oscl er osi s i n Chol ester ol Fed
Rabbi ts
U si ng a sentence to state a m essage i s str onger than usi ng a phrase i s, as you

can see by r eadi ng the l i st of ti tl es i n a jour nal 's tabl e of contents. It i s the
sentence ti tl es that w i l l jum p out at you. The r eason a sentence ti tl e i s str onger
i s that ver bs convey acti on m or e pow er f ul l y than nouns or adjecti ves. Thus, the
sam e ti tl e stated as a phrase and as a sentence w i l l sound str onger as a
sentence. (Com par e “Ar r ested Pr ogr essi on of Ather oscl er osi s by Verapam i l and
Di et i n Chol ester ol Fed Rabbi ts” w i th Ex am pl e 11. 9). For thi s r eason, use a
sentence ti tl e onl y i f you have a cl ear m essage backed up by sol i d ev i dence.
CONTENT OF TITLES FOR DESCRIPTIVE PAPERS

For a descr i pti ve paper that descr i bes a new str uctur e, the ti tl e nam es the
str uctur e bei ng descr i bed and states i ts key f uncti on. The str uctur e i s the f i r st
w or d of the ti tl e. The f uncti on com es nex t, as an apposi ti ve (af ter a com m a),
as a subti tl e (af ter a col on), or as the r est of the sentence (ver b and
com pl eter ).
Ex a mple 11. 10 Apposi ti ve
P. 303
Hi p, a N ovel Cochaper one Invol ved i n the Euk ar yoti c Hsc70/Hsp40 Reacti on
Cycl e
In Ex am pl e 11. 10, the str uctur e (“Hi p”) i s the f i r st w or d of the ti tl e. The
f uncti on i s nam ed as an apposi ti ve, af ter a com m a, i n a categor y ter m
(“cochaper one”). The f uncti on i s f ur ther def i ned by a past par ti ci pl e of a ver b
(“i nvol ved”) and a com pl eter. The apposi ti ve f or m ul a (str uctur e, categor y
nam i ng the f uncti on f ol l ow ed by a par ti ci pl e and com pl eter f ur ther def i ni ng the
f uncti on) i s a ver y cl ear ti tl e f or a paper descr i bi ng a str uctur e. Thi s techni que
i s the sam e as l i nk i ng key ter m s.
Ex a mple 11. 11 Subti tl e
CDC20 and CDH1: A Fam i l y of SubstrateSpeci f i c Acti vator s of Anaphase

Pr om oti ngCom pl exDependent Pr oteol y si s
The m ai n di f f er ence i n f or m betw een Ex am pl es 11. 10 and 11. 11 i s that a col on

i s used i nstead of a com m a i n Ex am pl e 11. 11, thus cr eati ng a subti tl e.
Ex a mple 11. 12 Sentence
Ich1, an Ice/ced3Rel ated Gene, Encodes Both Posi ti ve and N egati ve

Regul ator s of Pr ogram m ed Cel l Death
In Ex am pl e 11. 12, the ti tl e i s a sentence. The str uctur e i s nam ed as the subject
of the sentence (“Ich1”) and the f uncti on i s nam ed i n the ver b (“encodes”) and
the com pl eter.
The categor y f or Ich1 (“an Ice/ced3Rel ated Gene”) i s i ncl uded i n the subject
of the sentence af ter the str uctur e. How ever, the categor y ter m does not state
the f uncti on.
Thi s ti tl e m i ght be cl ear er i f i t w er e w r i tten l i ke Ex am pl e 11. 10, rather than as

a sentence: “Ich1, an Ice/ced3Rel ated Gene that Encodes Both Posi ti ve and
N egati ve Regul ator s of Pr ogram m ed Cel l Death.”
CONTENT OF TITLES FOR METHODS PAPERS

The ti tl e of a m ethods paper shoul d i ndi cate w hether the paper descr i bes a
m ethod, an apparatus, or a m ater i al , shoul d state i ts pur pose, and shoul d nam e
the ani m al or popul ati on the m ethod i s used f or. In addi ti on, the ti tl e m ay
i ndi cate w hether the m ethod i s new or i m pr oved.
Name
To i ndi cate w hether the paper descr i bes a m ethod, an apparatus, or a m ater i al ,
use the nam e i n the ti tl e i f the m ethod, apparatus, or m ater i al has a nam e.
Example 11.13
Endotracheal Fl ow m eter f or Measur i ng Ti dal Vol um e, Ai r way Pr essur e, and End
Ti dal Gas i n N ew bor ns
P. 304
Example 11.14
Monocl onal Anti bodi es as Pr obes f or Di sti ngui shi ng U ni que Anti gens i n
Secr etor y Cel l s of Heter ogeneous Exocr i ne Or gans
If the m ethod does not have a nam e, use a categor y ter m such as “m ethod” or
“apparatus” i n the ti tl e.
Example 11.15
A Method f or Pur i f y i ng the Gl ycopr otei n IIbIIIa Com pl ex i n Pl atel et Mem brane
Purpose
To state the pur pose, the ver b f or m “f or doi ng X” i s used. Thus, i n Ex am pl es
11. 13 and 11. 15 above, “f or m easur i ng” and “f or pur i f y i ng” ar e the ver b f or m s
used to state the pur pose. Ex am pl e 11. 14 uses a sl i ghtl y m odi f i ed f or m —“as
pr obes f or di sti ngui shi ng.” Both f or m s ar e cl ear i ndi cator s of pur pose.
How ever, usi ng “f or ” w i thout an “i ng” ver b af ter i t m akes the ti tl e uncl ear.
Example 11.16
A Doubl eCatheter Techni que f or Caudal l y Mi sdi r ected Catheter s i n the U m bi l i cal
Ar ter y
In thi s ti tl e, i t i s not cl ear w hat the techni que i s f or.
Revision
A Doubl eCatheter Techni que f or Avoi di ng Caudal l y Mi sdi r ected Catheter s i n the
U m bi l i cal Ar ter y
Addi ng the “i ng” ver b m akes the pur pose cl ear : “f or avoi di ng.”
Animal or Population
As i n ti tl es of hy pothesi stesti ng and descr i pti ve paper s, the popul ati on that the
m ethod i s used f or i s of ten om i tted w hen the m ethod i s f or hum ans (Ex am pl es
11. 14–11. 16) or hum ans and other ani m al s (Ex am pl e 11. 18 bel ow ). How ever,
the ani m al or popul ati on i s al way s stated w hen the m ethod i s f or ani m al s or f or
a speci f i c subpopul ati on of hum ans (Ex am pl es 11. 13 above and 11. 17 bel ow ).
New or Improved
If a paper descr i bes a new m ethod, the ti tl e usual l y does not need to i ncl ude
the w or d “new ” (see ex am pl es above) or i ts f ancy al ter nati ve “novel .” How ever,
the ti tl e m ay i ncl ude the m ost i m por tant f eatur e or the m ost i m por tant
advantage of the m ethod. In Ex am pl e 11. 16 above, “doubl ecatheter ” i s the
m ost i m por tant f eatur e of the new m ethod.
If a paper descr i bes an i m pr oved m ethod, the ti tl e shoul d, i f possi bl e, state

w hat the i m pr ovem ent i s by nam i ng ei ther the m ost i m por tant f eatur e or the
m ost i m por tant advantage of the i m pr oved m ethod. In Ex am pl e 11. 17 bel ow,
“noni nvasi ve” i s the m ost i m por tant advantage of the i m pr oved m ethod.
P. 305
Example 11.17
N oni nvasi ve Method f or Moni tor i ng Bl ood Gases i n the N ew bor n
If the m ost i m por tant f eatur e or advantage cannot be nam ed easi l y, the ti tl e
shoul d use the general ter m “i m pr oved.”
Example 11.18
An Im pr oved Method f or Isol ati ng Ty pe II Cel l s i n Hi gh Yi el d and Pur i ty
HALLMARKS OF A GOOD TITLE

The hal l m ar k s of a good ti tl e ar e that i t accuratel y, com pl etel y, and speci f i cal l y
i denti f i es the m ai n topi c or the m essage of the paper, i s unam bi guous, i s
conci se, and begi ns w i th an i m por tant ter m .
Accurate, Complete, Specific

To m ake a ti tl e accurate, use the sam e key ter m s i n the ti tl e as i n the paper.
To m ake a ti tl e com pl ete, i ncl ude al l the necessar y i nf or m ati on (see “Content of
Ti tl es f or Hy pothesi sTesti ng Paper s ,” “Content of Ti tl es f or Descr i pti ve Paper s,”
and “Content of Ti tl es f or Methods Paper s,” above). To m ake a ti tl e speci f i c, use
speci f i c w or ds. The ter m s i n the ti tl e shoul d be usabl e as i ndex i ng ter m s f or
i ndexes and sear ches.
Accurate
For a hy pothesi stesti ng paper, check that your ti tl e i s accurate by com par i ng i t
w i th the questi on and answ er. The i ndependent var i abl e, the dependent
var i abl e, the ani m al or popul ati on, the m ater i al , the condi ti on (i f necessar y ),
the ex per i m ental appr oach (i f necessar y ), and the m essage (i f stated) shoul d
be the sam e i n the ti tl e as i n the questi on and answ er stated i n the
Intr oducti on, Di scussi on, and abstract.
Example 11.19
Title : N eutr ophi l Induced Injur y of Epi thel i al Cel l s i n the
Pul m onar y Al veol i of Rats?
Que s tion: To deter m i ne w hether the i njur y of epi thel i al cel l s i n the
pul m onar y al veol i that occur s i n m any i nf l am m ator y
condi ti ons i s i nduced i n par t by sti m ul ated neutr ophi l s,
w e ex posed m onol ayer s of pur i f i ed al veol ar epi thel i al
cel l s f r om rats to sti m ul ated hum an neutr ophi l s and
m easur ed cy totox i ci ty usi ng a 5 1 Cr r el ease assay.
Ans w e r: We concl ude that sti m ul ated neutr ophi l s i nduce i njur y i n
epi thel i al cel l s i n the pul m onar y al veol i .
For a descr i pti ve paper, the ter m s used f or the str uctur e and the f uncti on i n the
ti tl e shoul d be the sam e as those i n the m essage (or the m essage and the
i m pl i cati on) stated i n the Intr oducti on and the Di scussi on.
Example 11.20
Title : ARC, an Inhi bi tor of Apoptosi s Ex pr essed i n Skel etal

Muscl e and Hear t that Interacts Sel ecti vel y w i th
Caspases
Introduc tion: We have i denti f i ed and character i zed a hum an cDN A

encodi ng an apoptosi s r epr essor w i th a CARD (ARC)
that i s ex pr essed i n skel etal m uscl e and hear t. ARC
i nteracts sel ecti vel y w i th caspases and f uncti ons as
an i nhi bi tor of apoptosi s.
P. 306
For a m ethods paper, the nam e of the m ethod, i ts pur pose, and the ani m al or
popul ati on (i f i ncl uded) shoul d be the sam e i n the ti tl e as i n the Intr oducti on,
Di scussi on, and abstract.
Example 11.21
Title : A Method f or Pur i f y i ng the Gl ycopr otei n IIbIIIa Com pl ex

i n Pl atel et Mem brane
Abs tra c t: We have devel oped a m ethod f or the rapi d pur i f i cati on of
the gl ycopr otei n IIbIIIa com pl ex i n pl atel et m em brane .
Complete
In a paper that has tw o m essages, i t m ay be di f f i cul t to m ake the ti tl e
com pl ete. If you cannot cr eate a ti tl e that r ef l ects both m essages, sel ect the
m ost i m por tant m essage f or the ti tl e. Si m i l ar l y, i f a study m ani pul ated several
i ndependent var i abl es or assessed several dependent var i abl es and no categor y
ter m s ar e avai l abl e that i ncl ude them al l , sel ect the m ost i m por tant
i ndependent and dependent var i abl e f or the ti tl e. Keep i n m i nd that, just as the
abstract cannot r epl ace the paper, so the ti tl e cannot r epl ace the abstract.
Announci ng the m ai n var i abl es of the paper i s str onger than tr y i ng to f i t al l the
var i abl es i nto the ti tl e.
Specific
Tw o w or ds that of ten m ake a ti tl e unspeci f i c ar e “and” and “w i th.” “And” i s not
a pr obl em w hen i t i s used to joi n paral l el ter m s, such as “Car di ov ascul ar and
Metabol i c Ef f ects of Hal othane i n N or m ox i c and Hy pox i c N ew bor n Lam bs.” But
“and” i s a pr obl em w hen i t i s used to joi n the i ndependent and the dependent
var i abl es i n the f or m “X and Y i n Z” i nstead of the standar d f or m “Ef f ect of X
on Y i n Z.” The pr obl em i s that “and” does not i ndi cate any r el ati onshi p betw een
X and Y.
Example 11.22
Ai r way Cal i ber and the Wor k of Br eathi ng i n Hum ans
Thi s ti tl e i s not speci f i c. What i s the r el ati onshi p betw een ai r way cal i ber and
the w or k of br eathi ng i n hum ans? The ti tl e becom es speci f i c w hen r ew r i tten i n
the standar d f or m “Ef f ect of X on Y i n Z.”
Revision
Ef f ect of Ai r way Cal i ber on the Wor k of Br eathi ng i n Hum ans
“Wi th,” as w e saw i n Chapter 1: Wor d Choi ce, i s ver y of ten uncl ear because i t
i s not speci f i c. Ther ef or e, avoi d “w i th” w her ever possi bl e, except i n i ts
standar d uses af ter cer tai n ver bs, such as “com par ed w i th,” “m easur ed w i th,”
“suppl em ented w i th,” etc.
P. 307
Example 11.23
Br onchoconstr i cti on, Gas Trappi ng, and Hy pox i a w i th Methachol i ne i n Dogs
In thi s ex am pl e, the r el ati onshi p of m ethachol i ne to br onchoconstr i cti on, gas

trappi ng, and hy pox i a i s not cl ear. The sol uti on i s to change “w i th” to a m or e
speci f i c w or d.
Revision
Br onchoconstr i cti on, Gas Trappi ng, and Hy pox i a Induced by Methachol i ne i n
Dogs
Unambiguous
To m ake a ti tl e unam bi guous, f ol l ow the pr i nci pl es of sentence str uctur e and
w or d choi ce. In par ti cul ar, avoi d noun cl uster s (see Exer ci se 2. 2, Ex am pl e 4)
and do not use abbr ev i ati ons. The r eason f or not usi ng abbr ev i ati ons i n ti tl es i s
that ti tl es ar e of ten r ead out of contex t, f or ex am pl e, i n Index Medi cus. Thus,
even i f an abbr ev i ati on i s w el l k now n i n one speci al ty, i t coul d be conf usi ng to
r eader s f r om other speci al ti es.
Example 11.24
Quanti f i cati on of the Ef f ect of the Per i car di um on the LV Di astol i c PV Rel ati on i n
Dogs
Revision
Quanti f i cati on of the Per i car di um 's Ef f ect on the Lef t Ventr i cul ar Di astol i c
Pr essur eVol um e Rel ati on i n Dogs
In the r ev i si on, to accom m odate the w or ds that LV and PV abbr ev i ate, “ef f ect of
the per i car di um ” i s condensed to “per i car di um 's ef f ect.” The r ev i sed ti tl e,
contai ni ng no abbr ev i ati ons, i s cl ear to al l r eader s. The or i gi nal ti tl e i s cl ear
onl y to those w ho w or k i n thi s f i el d.
Tw o categor i es of abbr ev i ati on ar e acceptabl e i n ti tl es. One i s abbr ev i ati ons

that ar e better k now n than the w or ds they stand f or, such as DN A
(deox y r i bonucl ei c aci d). The other categor y i s abbr ev i ati ons f or chem i cal s,
such as N 2 O 5 (di ni tr ogen pentox i de). N ever thel ess, i f you have space, w r i te the
w or ds, especi al l y shor t, f am i l i ar w or ds such as “ox ygen.” In addi ti on, i f the
abbr ev i ati on i s i denti f i ed, as i n Ex am pl es 11. 10–11. 12 and 11. 20 above, i t i s OK
to use an abbr ev i ati on i n the ti tl e.
If you ar e unsur e of w hether an abbr ev i ati on w i l l be cl ear, w r i te the w or ds.
Concise
Shor t ti tl es have m or e i m pact than l ong ti tl es do, so m ake your ti tl e as shor t
as possi bl e w i thout sacr i f i ci ng accuracy, com pl eteness, speci f i ci ty, or cl ar i ty.
That i s, m ake the ti tl e conci se. Som eti m es, just to i ncl ude al l the necessar y
detai l s a ti tl e w i l l need to be rather l ong. N ever thel ess, tr y to keep your ti tl e
shor ter than 100 character s and spaces (120 character s and spaces i s pr obabl y
the outer l i m i t). Longer ti tl es begi n to f al l apar t under thei r ow n w ei ght. Som e
jour nal s have even shor ter l i m i ts. Whatever the jour nal 's l i m i t, keep i n m i nd
that the ai m i s not to f i l l the space al l ow ed. The ai m i s to convey the
P. 308
topi c or the m essage of your paper accuratel y, com pl etel y, speci f i cal l y, and
unam bi guousl y. If you can dev i se a shor t ti tl e that f ul f i l l s these cr i ter i a, do so.
Tw o way s to m ake ti tl es conci se ar e by om i tti ng unnecessar y w or ds and by

com pacti ng the necessar y w or ds as ti ghtl y as possi bl e.
Omitting Unnecessary Words

Om i t nonspeci f i c openi ngs such as “N atur e of ” and “Studi es of.”
Example 11.25
Phar m acok i neti c Studi es of the Di sposi ti on of Acetam i nophen i n the Sheep
Mater nal Pl acental Fetal U ni t
In thi s ex am pl e, “phar m acok i neti c studi es of ” i s unnecessar y. If “di sposi ti on”

does not get the i dea acr oss, a m or e pr eci se ter m , such as “phar m acok i neti cs,”
coul d be used.
Revision
Di sposi ti on of Acetam i nophen i n the Sheep Mater nal Pl acental Fetal U ni t
Om i t nonspeci f i c w or ds el sew her e i n the ti tl e.
Example 11.26
Al terati ons Induced by Adm i ni strati on of Chl or phenter m i ne i n Phosphol i pi ds and
Pr otei ns i n Al veol ar Sur f actant
Revision A
Al terati ons Induced by Chl or phenter m i ne i n Phosphol i pi ds and Pr otei ns i n
Al veol ar Sur f actant
Revision B
Chl or phenter m i neInduced Al terati ons i n Phosphol i pi ds and Pr otei ns i n Al veol ar
Sur f actant
U sual l y om i t “the” at the begi nni ng of the ti tl e. N or m al l y, “the” w oul d appear at

the begi nni ng of a ti tl e i n phrases such as “the ef f ect of ” or “the di str i buti on
of,” but “the” i s usual l y om i tted f r om these phrases w hen they ar e at the
begi nni ng of a ti tl e, as i n the r ev i si on of Ex am pl e 11. 25 above (“Di sposi ti on
of ”).
How ever, do not om i t “the” bef or e si ngul ar nouns l ater i n the ti tl e.
Example 11.27
Dy nam i cs of Chest Wal l i n Pr eter m Inf ants
Revision
Dy nam i cs of the Chest Wal l i n Pr eter m Inf ants
Compacting Necessary Words

In addi ti on to om i tti ng unnecessar y w or ds, at l east thr ee com pacti ng techni ques
can be used to shor ten ti tl es.
P. 309
Category Terms
One i m por tant com pacti ng techni que i s to use a categor y ter m i nstead of
detai l s. U si ng a categor y ter m m ay seem to conf l i ct w i th the r ecom m endati on
to use speci f i c w or ds. But as Ex am pl e 11. 28 show s, i t i s possi bl e to be too
speci f i c.
Example 11.28
El ectr on Mi cr oscopi c Dem onstrati on of Ly sosom al Incl usi on Bodi es i n Lung,
Li ver, Ly m ph N odes, and Bl ood Leukocy tes of Pati ents w i th Am i odar oneInduced
Pul m onar y Tox i ci ty
By nam i ng f our speci f i c ti ssues, thi s ti tl e gi ves tr ees but not the f or est. The
tex t of the paper m akes cl ear that l y sosom al i ncl usi on bodi es have al r eady
been r epor ted i n the l ungs and that the new s i n thi s study i s that l y sosom al
i ncl usi on bodi es al so appear i n ex trapul m onar y ti ssues. By substi tuti ng the
categor y ter m “ex trapul m onar y ti ssues” f or l i ver, l y m ph nodes, and bl ood
l eukocy tes and om i tti ng “l ung” w e get the f or est.
Revision
El ectr on Mi cr oscopi c Dem onstrati on of Ly sosom al Incl usi on Bodi es i n
Ex trapul m onar y Ti ssues of Pati ents w i th Am i odar oneInduced Pul m onar y
Tox i ci ty
If no categor y ter m ex i sts, sel ect the m ost i m por tant var i abl e f or the ti tl e (see
“Com pl ete” above).
Adjectives to Express a Message

Another com pacti ng techni que i s to use an adjecti ve i nstead of a noun f ol l ow ed
by a pr eposi ti on to ex pr ess a m essage, as i n Ex am pl e 11. 6 above, w her e
“r educed” i s used i nstead of “r educti on i n.”
Noun Clusters
A thi r d com pacti ng techni que i s to use noun cl uster s i nstead of pr eposi ti onal
phrases. Thi s techni que m ust be used car ef ul l y to avoi d cr eati ng an am bi guous
ti tl e (see “U nam bi guous” above).
One way to cr eate noun cl uster s that do not cause ser i ous r eadi ng pr obl em s i s
to use the nam e of the ani m al studi ed as an adjecti ve, rather than at the end of
the ti tl e.
Example 11.29
Renal Mechani sm of Acti on of Rat Atr i al N atr i ur eti c Factor
The l onger way of w r i ti ng thi s ti tl e w oul d be “Renal Mechani sm of Acti on of

Atr i al N atr i ur eti c Factor i n Rats.” The l onger ver si on i s a bi t cl ear er and al so
gi ves m or e em phasi s to the ani m al studi ed, so i f you have the r oom to w r i te
“i n rats,” do so.
Important Word First

To attract r eader s, put an i m por tant w or d f i r st i n your ti tl e. For ti tl es of studi es
that have both i ndependent and dependent var i abl es, ei ther the i ndependent or
the dependent var i abl e can be the m ost i m por tant w or d, dependi ng on w hat w i l l
i nter est the i ntended audi ence the m ost. For ex am pl e, i n Ex am pl es 11. 30 and
11. 31 bel ow, putti ng hal othane anesthesi a (the i ndependent var i abl e) f i r st
w oul d be appr opr i ate f or anesthesi ol ogi sts, and putti ng i m pai r ed pul m onar y
f uncti on (the dependent var i abl e) f i r st w oul d be appr opr i ate f or neonatol ogi sts.
P. 310
Example 11.30
Hal othane Anesthesi a Im pai r s Pul m onar y Functi on i n N ew bor n Lam bs
Example 11.31
Im pai r ed Pul m onar y Functi on i n N ew bor n Lam bs Anestheti zed w i th Hal othane
Subtitles
A techni que f or putti ng an i m por tant w or d f i r st i s to use a m ai n ti tl e f ol l ow ed
by a subti tl e. The m ai n ti tl e states the general topi c and the subti tl e states the
speci f i c topi c. N ote that a subti tl e i s separated f r om the m ai n ti tl e by a col on
(:).
Ex a mple 11. 32 Mater i al : Var i abl es Studi ed
Hum an Apol i popr otei n B: Str uctur e of the Car box y l Ter m i nal Dom ai ns and Si tes
of Gene Ex pr essi on
Relation of the Subtitle to the Main Title

Var i ous r el ati ons of the speci f i c topi c i n the subti tl e to the general topi c i n the
m ai n ti tl e ar e possi bl e. One r el ati on i s to have the m ai n ti tl e state the m ater i al
studi ed and the subti tl e state the dependent var i abl es, as i n Ex am pl e 11. 32
above. Thi s r el ati on i s of ten used i n ti tl es that have onl y dependent var i abl es
(Y i n Z). Another r el ati on i s to have the m ai n ti tl e state the dependent var i abl e
and the subti tl e state the ex per i m ental appr oach, as i n Ex am pl e 11. 33.
Ex a mple 11. 33 Var i abl e Studi ed: Ex per i m ental Appr oach
Pul m oni c Val ve Endocar di ti s: A Ser i al Tw oDi m ensi onal Doppl er
Echocar di ographi c Study
In these ty pes of subti tl e, the col on r epl aces a pr eposi ti on that w oul d appear i n
the standar d f or m of the ti tl e. To r econstr uct the standar d ti tl e, begi n w i th the
subti tl e, add the appr opr i ate pr eposi ti on, and end w i th the m ai n ti tl e. In the
r econstr ucti on of Ex am pl e 11. 33, the pr eposi ti on joi ni ng the tw o par ts of the
ti tl e i s “of ”: “A Ser i al Tw oDi m ensi onal Doppl er Echocar di ographi c Study of
Pul m oni c Val ve Endocar di ti s.”
Another r el ati on of the subti tl e to the m ai n ti tl e i s to have the m ai n ti tl e state

a str uctur e and the subti tl e state i ts f uncti on (Ex am pl e 11. 11 above and
Ex am pl e 11. 34).
Ex a mple 11. 34 Var i abl e: Functi on
Angi otensi n II: A Potent Regul ator of Aci di f i cati on i n the Ear l y Pr ox i m al
Convol uted Tubul e of the Rat
In thi s ex am pl e, the col on r epl aces the ver b “i s.” Thus, i f Ex am pl e 11. 34 di d
not use a subti tl e, i t w oul d r ead “Angi otensi n II Is a Potent Regul ator of
Aci di f i cati on i n the Ear l y Pr ox i m al Convol uted Tubul e of the Rat.”
Whatever the r el ati on betw een the m ai n ti tl e and the subti tl e, a cr uci al el em ent
i n the use of subti tl es i s that the r el ati on betw een the subti tl e and the m ai n
ti tl e m ust be obv i ous. That i s, the pr eposi ti on or the ver b that the col on
r epl aces m ust be easy f or the r eader to suppl y.
Subtitles for a Series of Papers

Som e author s use subti tl es to pr esent a num ber ed ser i es of paper s.
Ex a mple 11. 35 Ser i es

P. 311
Mor phol ogy of the Rat Car oti d Si nus N er ve: I. Cour se, Connecti ons,
U l trastr uctur e
Mor phol ogy of the Rat Car oti d Si nus N er ve: II. N um ber and Si ze of Axons
If the paper s ar e publ i shed i n the sam e jour nal (pr ef erabl y i n the sam e i ssue of
the jour nal ) and tr ul y coul d not be com bi ned i nto a si ngl e paper, num ber ed
subti tl es, as i n Ex am pl e 11. 35 above, ar e OK. But i f par t I i s publ i shed al one,
ther e i s al way s the possi bi l i ty that par t II w i l l never be publ i shed. If i t i s
publ i shed, i t shoul d be i n the sam e jour nal as par t I. The saf est pol i cy i s not to
star t a num ber ed ser i es of paper s.
The Use of Subtitles

In general , ti tl es i n a standar d f or m , ei ther a phrase or a sentence, ar e cl ear er
than ti tl es that have subti tl es, because the cr uci al l i nk r el ati ng the subti tl e to
the m ai n ti tl e i s m i ssi ng i n ti tl es that have subti tl es. Ther ef or e, avoi d usi ng
subti tl es. U se a subti tl e onl y i f i t i s the best way to put an i m por tant w or d
f i r st.
DETAILS
Word Choice
When stati ng the m essage i n a ti tl e, di sti ngui sh betw een adjecti ves that m odi f y
quanti tati ve w or ds and adjecti ves that m odi f y qual i tati ve w or ds. The adjecti ves
“i ncr eased” and “decr eased” or “r educed” shoul d be used to m odi f y quanti tati ve
w or ds such as “m etabol i c rate” (that i s, m etabol i c rate i s m easurabl e), as i n
Ex am pl e 11. 6 above. The adjecti ves “i m pr oved” and “i m pai r ed” shoul d be used
f or qual i tati ve w or ds, that i s, f or w or ds si gni f y i ng concepts that can get better
or w or se, such as f uncti on or per f or m ance. For ex am pl e, “Im pr ov ed Regi onal
Ventr i cul ar Functi on af ter Successf ul Sur gi cal Revascul ar i zati on.” See al so
Ex am pl e 11. 31 above.
Determining the Length of a Title

To deter m i ne the l ength of a ti tl e, count both the character s and the spaces
betw een w or ds. “Character s” i s a categor y ter m f or l etter s and punctuati on
m ar k s. Count each l etter as 1, each punctuati on m ar k as 1, and each space as
1—except count the space af ter a col on as 2. For ex am pl e, the ti tl e “Hum an
Apol i popr otei n B: Str uctur e of the Car box y l Ter m i nal Dom ai ns and Si tes of
Gene Ex pr essi on” has a total of 96 character s and spaces.
RUNNING TITLES
Runni ng ti tl es (or r unni ng heads) ar e shor t phrases that appear at the top or
bottom of ever y page, or ever y other page, i n a jour nal ar ti cl e. The pur pose of
a r unni ng ti tl e i s to i denti f y the ar ti cl e. Som e jour nal s use the author s' nam es
i nstead, or on al ter nate pages.
Because space al ong the top or bottom of the jour nal page i s l i m i ted, the
r unni ng ti tl e i s shor ter than the ti tl e.
P. 312
A r unni ng ti tl e shoul d be r ecogni zabl e as a shor t ver si on of the ti tl e and shoul d
be shor t enough to f i t i n the space al l ow ed.
HypothesisTesting Papers
For hy pothesi stesti ng paper s, usual l y the r unni ng ti tl e nam es the i ndependent
var i abl e (i f any ) and the dependent var i abl e, but not the ani m al .
Example 11.36
Title : Locus of Hy pox i aInduced Vasoconstr i cti on i n Isol ated

Fer r et Lungs
Running Locus of Hy pox i aInduced Vasoconstr i cti on

Title :
It i s not al way s possi bl e to use the begi nni ng of the ti tl e as the r unni ng ti tl e.
Som eti m es you can pi ck a phrase out of the m i ddl e (Ex am pl e 11. 37).
Example 11.37
Title Thr eeDi m ensi onal Reconstr ucti on of Al veol i i n the Rat
Lung f or Pr essur eVol um e Rel ati onshi ps
Running Reconstr ucti on of Al veol i i n the Rat Lung

Title :
Another possi bi l i ty i s to pi ck w or ds out of the ti tl e, keepi ng the sam e or der,

and cr eate a new phrase (Ex am pl e 11. 38).
Example 11.38
Title Cool i ng Di f f er ent Body Sur f aces dur i ng U pper and
Low er Body Exer ci se
Running Cool i ng dur i ng Exer ci se

Title :
Another way to cr eate a r unni ng ti tl e i s to pi ck out i m por tant key ter m s,

usual l y the i ndependent and dependent var i abl es, and joi n them w i th “and.”
Al though “and” shoul d not be used thi s way i n ti tl es (see “Speci f i c” above), i t i s
OK i n r unni ng ti tl es, w hose onl y use i s to i ndi cate that thi s i s the sam e ar ti cl e
as on the pr ev i ous page.
Example 11.39
Title Inf l uence of the Per i car di um on Ri ght and Lef t

Ventr i cul ar Fi l l i ng i n the Dog
Running Per i car di um and Ventr i cul ar Fi l l i ng

Title :
Descriptive Papers
For descr i pti ve paper s, r unni ng ti tl es nam e the str uctur e and a br i ef ver si on of
the f uncti on.
Example 11.40
Title : Ich1, an Ice/ced3Rel ated Gene, Encodes Both Posi ti ve

and N egati ve Regul ator s of Pr ogram m ed Cel l Death
Running Ich1 Encodes Regul ator s of Pr ogram m ed Cel l Death

Title :
P. 313
Methods Papers
For m ethods paper s, the r unni ng ti tl e can nam e the m ethod onl y or the m ethod
and the ani m al or the popul ati on (as i n Ex am pl e 11. 41) or can i ncl ude both the
categor y ter m or the nam e of the m ethod and a shor tened statem ent of i ts
pur pose (as i n Ex am pl e 11. 42).
Example 11.41
Title : Endotracheal Fl ow m eter f or Measur i ng Ti dal Vol um e,

Ai r way Pr essur e, and EndTi dal Gas i n N ew bor ns
Running Endotracheal Fl ow m eter f or N ew bor ns

Title :
Example 11.42
Title : An Im pr oved Method f or Isol ati ng Ty pe II Cel l s i n Hi gh

Yi el d and Pur i ty
Running Im pr oved Method f or Isol ati ng Ty pe II Cel l s

Title :
P. 314
SUMMARY OF GUIDELINES FOR TITLES

FUNCTIONS
To i denti f y the m ai n topi c or the m essage of the paper.
To attract r eader s.
CONTENT OF TITLES FOR HYPOTHESISTESTING

PAPERS
Incl ude the f ol l ow i ng i nf or m ati on:
Independent var i abl e(s) (X).
Dependent var i abl e(s) (Y).
Ani m al or popul ati on and m ater i al (Z). (The popul ati on can be
om i tted i f the popul ati on i s al l hum ans. )
If necessar y, al so i ncl ude the
Condi ti on of the ani m al s or subjects dur i ng the study.
Ex per i m ental appr oach.
State ei ther the topi c or the m essage.
To state a topi c, use the f or m “Ef f ect of X on Y i n Z,” “Y dur i ng X i n

Z,” or, f or paper s that have no i ndependent var i abl e, “Y i n Z.”
To state a m essage, use ei ther
A phrase, ex pr essi ng the m essage i n an adjecti ve or a noun (or

an adjecti ve and a noun) bef or e the dependent var i abl e, or
A sentence, ex pr essi ng the m essage i n a ver b i n pr esent tense.
CONTENT FOR TITLES OF DESCRIPTIVE PAPERS

The str uctur e.
Its f uncti on.
Wr i te the f uncti on as
an apposi ti ve (af ter a com m a),
a subti tl e (af ter a col on), or
the r est of the sentence (ver b and com pl eter ).
CONTENT OF TITLES FOR METHODS PAPERSm

The nam e or the categor y of the m ethod, apparatus, or m ater i al .
Its pur pose.
The ani m al or popul ati on the m ethod i s used f or, unl ess the
popul ati on i s al l hum ans or hum ans and other ani m al s.
If the m ethod i s new, the w or d “new ” usual l y does not need to appear i n
the ti tl e.
If the m ethod i s an i m pr ovem ent, ei ther the i m pr ovem ent or the w or d

“i m pr oved” shoul d be i ncl uded i n the ti tl e.
HALLMARKS OF A GOOD TITLE

A good ti tl e accuratel y, com pl etel y, and speci f i cal l y i denti f i es the m ai n
topi c or the m essage of the paper.
For accuracy, use the sam e key ter m s i n the ti tl e as i n
the questi on and the answ er (hy pothesi stesti ng paper ),
the m essage, or the m essage and the i m pl i cati on
(descr i pti ve paper ), or
the nam e of the m ethod, the pur pose, and the
ani m al or popul ati on stated i n the paper
(m ethods paper ).
P. 315
For com pl eteness, i ncl ude al l the necessar y i nf or m ati on (see
“Content” above).
For speci f i ci ty,
U se speci f i c w or ds that can al so f uncti on as i ndex i ng ter m s.
Do not use the f or m “X and Y i n Z.”
Avoi d “w i th.”
A good ti tl e i s unam bi guous.
Avoi d noun cl uster s.
Do not use abbr ev i ati ons. Ex cepti ons: abbr ev i ati ons that ar e m or e
f am i l i ar than the w or ds they stand f or, chem i cal f or m ul as, and
abbr ev i ati ons i denti f i ed i n the ti tl e.
A good ti tl e i s conci se.
Keep ti tl es as br i ef as possi bl e, pr ef erabl y l ess than 100 character s

and spaces.
Om i t unnecessar y w or ds.
Om i t nonspeci f i c openi ngs such as “Studi es of.”
Om i t other vague or uni nf or m ati ve w or ds.
U sual l y om i t “the” at the begi nni ng of the ti tl e.
Com pact the necessar y w or ds.
U se a categor y ter m i nstead of several detai l s.
U se an adjecti ve i nstead of a noun f ol l ow ed by a pr eposi ti on to

ex pr ess a m essage (f or ex am pl e, “al ter ed” rather than
“al terati on i n”).
U se a noun cl uster i f i t i s not am bi guous (f or ex am pl e, “rat
l ung”).
A good ti tl e begi ns w i th an i m por tant w or d that w i l l attract the i ntended

r eader s.
For hy pothesi stesti ng paper s, usual l y ei ther the i ndependent or the

dependent var i abl e i s the m ost i m por tant w or d.
If necessar y, use a m ai n ti tl e (f or the m ost i m por tant w or d) f ol l ow ed

by a col on and a subti tl e.
The m ai n ti tl e states the general topi c of the paper.
The subti tl e states the speci f i c topi c.
Have a cl ear r el ati on betw een the m ai n ti tl e and the subti tl e:

the pr eposi ti on or the ver b that the col on r epl aces shoul d be
easy f or the r eader to suppl y.
Avoi d star ti ng num ber ed ser i es of paper s.
DETAILS
U se “i ncr eased” and “decr eased” to m odi f y quanti tati ve w or ds such as
“m etabol i c rate.”
U se “i m pr oved” and “i m pai r ed” to m odi f y qual i tati ve w or ds such as

“f uncti on.”
To deter m i ne the l ength of a ti tl e, count ever y l etter as 1 character, ever y

punctuati on m ar k as 1 character, and ever y space betw een w or ds as 1
character, except count the space af ter a col on as 2.
RUNNING TITLES
A r unni ng ti tl e i s a shor t phrase that appear s at the top or bottom of
ever y page or ever y other page of a jour nal ar ti cl e.
A r unni ng ti tl e shoul d be r ecogni zabl e as a shor t ver si on of the ti tl e.
For hy pothesi stesti ng paper s,
Pi ck key ter m s, usual l y the i ndependent and dependent var i abl es, out
of the ti tl e to cr eate a r unni ng ti tl e; the ani m al can usual l y be
om i tted.
P. 316
Put w or ds i n the sam e or der i n the r unni ng ti tl e as i n the ti tl e.
If necessar y, use the f or m “X and Y” f or the r unni ng ti tl e.
For descr i pti ve paper s, nam e the str uctur e f ol l ow ed by a br i ef statem ent
of the f uncti on.
For m ethods paper s, the r unni ng ti tl e shoul d state ei ther the
N am e of the m ethod.
N am e of the m ethod and the ani m al or popul ati on.
N am e of the m ethod and the pur pose.

P. 317
EXERCISE 11.1: TITLES

1. Wr i te a ti tl e f or each of the thr ee abstracts bel ow.
2. Al so w r i te a r unni ng ti tl e f or the f i r st tw o abstracts.
3. U nder l i ne the questi on and the answ er i n the abstracts f or the

hy pothesi stesti ng paper s. U nder l i ne the m essage and the i m pl i cati on i n
the abstract f or the descr i pti ve paper.
Abs tra c t 1 (Hypothe s is Te s ting P a pe r)
A Continuous pos itive a irw a y pre s s ure (CP AP ) is us e d routine ly to improve

ox yge na tion in ne w borns w ho ha ve intra pulmona ry s hunts , w hic h re s ult in
hypox e mia tha t is re fra c tory to us ua l ox yge n the ra py. B Although the
c a rdiova s c ula r a nd pulmona ry e ffe c ts of CP AP on ne w borns a re w e ll
k now n, little informa tion is a va ila ble c onc e rning the e ffe c t of CP AP on
re na l func tion in ne w borns . C Ac c ordingly, w e de te rmine d the e ffe c t of
CP AP (7. 5 c m H 2 O) on urine flow , s odium e x c re tion, a nd glome rula r
filtra tion ra te in s ix ne w born goa ts tha t w e re lightly a ne s the tize d w ith
me thox yflura ne . DWe found tha t CP AP de c re a s e d urine flow , s odium
e x c re tion, a nd glome rula r filtra tion ra te . E CP AP a ls o de c re a s e d puls e
pre s s ure but did not c ha nge me a n s ys te mic a rte ria l pre s s ure or he a rt ra te .
FWe c onc lude tha t CP AP c a n impa ir re na l func tion in ne w borns w ithout
s ignific a ntly a lte ring re na l pe rfus ion pre s s ure .
Journa l of P e dia tric s
Title : 100 c ha ra c te rs a nd s pa c e s or le s s
Running title : 55 c ha ra c te rs a nd s pa c e s or le s s
Hi de Answ er
Abs tra c t 1
Questi on: B
2 the ef f ect of CPAP on r enal f uncti on i n
new bor ns.
Answ er : F CPAP can i m pai r r enal f uncti on i n

new bor ns.
Title :
1. Conti nuous Posi ti v e Ai r w ay Pr essur e Im pai r s Renal

Functi on i n Anestheti zed N ew bor n Goats (88)
2. Im pai r ed Renal Functi on Fr om Conti nuous Posi ti v e
Ai r w ay Pr essur e i n Anestheti zed N ew bor n Goats (94)
Running CPAP Im pai r s Renal Functi on (27)
Title :
COMMEN TS
The ti tl e f or Abstr act 1 shoul d be f ai r l y easy to w r i te because the

abstr act i s cl ear l y w r i tten.
Functi ons
Both ti tl es i denti f y the m essage of the paper .
Both ti tl es ai m to attr act appr opr i ate r eader s by putti ng an

i m por tant w or d f i r st.
Putti ng “conti nuous posi ti v e ai r w ay pr essur e” f i r st shoul d

attr act neonatol ogi sts.
Putti ng “i m pai r ed r enal f uncti on” f i r st shoul d attr act

nephr ol ogi sts.
Content
Both ti tl es i ncl ude the necessar y i nf or m ati on:
The i ndependent v ar i abl e (conti nuous posi ti v e ai r w ay

pr essur e).
The dependent v ar i abl e (r enal f uncti on).
The ani m al studi ed (new bor n goats).
The condi ti on of the ani m al s (anestheti zed).
The m essage (i m pai r s, i m pai r ed).
The f i r st ti tl e i s a sentence and ex pr esses the poi nt i n a v er b i n

the pr esent tense (“i m pai r s”).
The second ti tl e i s a phr ase and ex pr esses the poi nt i n an

adjecti v e (“i m pai r ed”).
Hal l m ar k s
Both ti tl es accur atel y , com pl etel y , and speci f i cal l y i denti f y the
m essage of the paper .
The sam e k ey ter m s ar e used i n the ti tl e as i n the questi on

and the answ er .
The ani m al and the condi ti on ar e tak en f r om the

ex per i m ent done (sentence C). The condi ti on i s i ncl uded i n
the ti tl e because anesthesi a can af f ect the v ar i abl es
m easur ed. How ev er , som e author s m i ght pr ef er to om i t
“anestheti zed. ”
Both ti tl es ar e unam bi guous.
N o noun cl uster s or abbr ev i ati ons ar e used. Ev en though

“CPAP” i s a standar d abbr ev i ati on i n neonatol ogy and i s
used i n the abstr act, the abbr ev i ati on i s not used i n the
ti tl e because i t i s unl i k el y to be f am i l i ar to r eader s i n
other f i el ds and ther ef or e coul d be m eani ngl ess to r eader s
of sour ces such as Index Medi cus.
In contr ast to the ti tl es gi v en abov e, the ti tl e “Im pai r m ent

of Renal Functi on Induced by Conti nuous Posi ti v e Ai r w ay
Pr essur e” i s am bi guous. In thi s ti tl e, i t i s not cl ear w hat
w as i nduced by conti nuous posi ti v e ai r w ay pr essur e—the
i m pai r m ent or the r enal f uncti on.
Both ti tl es ar e conci se.
They com pact the necessar y w or ds by usi ng a categor y

ter m (“r enal f uncti on”) i nstead of nam i ng al l the dependent
v ar i abl es (ur i ne f l ow , sodi um ex cr eti on, gl om er ul ar
f i l tr ati on r ate).
In addi ti on, the second ti tl e uses the shor test possi bl e

ter m s: “i m pai r ed” r ather than “i m pai r m ent of ” (8 v s. 13
char acter s and spaces) and “f r om ” r ather than “i nduced by ”
(4 v s. 10).
Both ti tl es begi n w i th an i m por tant w or d.
Abs tra c t 2 (De s c riptive P a pe r)
A W ing forma tion in Dros ophila re quire s inte ra c tions be tw e e n dors a l a nd

ve ntra l c e lls . BWe de s c ribe a ne w ge ne , fringe , w hic h is e x pre s s e d in
dors a l
P . 318
c e lls a nd e nc ode s for a nove l prote in tha t is pre dic te d to be s e c re te d.
C W ing ma rgin forma tion a nd dis ta l w ing outgrow th c a n be induc e d by the
jux ta pos ition of c e lls w ith a nd w ithout fringe e x pre s s ion, w he the r a t the
norma l w ing ma rgin, a t the bounda rie s of fringe muta nt c lone s in the
dors a l w ing, or a t s ite s of fringe mis e x pre s s ion in the ve ntra l w ing. D By
c ontra s t, both los s of fringe e x pre s s ion a nd uniform fringe e x pre s s ion
c a us e w ing los s . E The s e obs e rva tions s ugge s t tha t fringe e nc ode s a
bounda rys pe c ific c e lls igna ling mole c ule tha t is re s pons ible for dors a l
c e llve ntra l c e ll inte ra c tions during w ing de ve lopme nt.
(Ce ll)
Title : (the journa l s pe c ifie s no limit)
Running Title : 50 c ha ra c te rs a nd s pa c e s or le s s
Hi de Answ er
Abs tra c t 2
Message: We descr i be a new gene, f r i nge, w hi ch i s

ex pr essed i n dor sal cel l s and encodes f or a
novel pr otei n that i s pr edi cted to be
secr eted.
Im pl i cati on: These obser vati ons suggest that f r i nge
encodes a boundar y speci f i c cel l si gnal i ng
m ol ecul e that i s r esponsi bl e f or dor sal cel l –
ventral cel l i nteracti ons dur i ng w i ng
devel opm ent.
Title :
1. f r i nge, a Boundar ySpeci f i c Si gnal i ng Mol ecul e,

Medi ates Interacti ons Betw een Dor sal and Ventral Cel l s
Dur i ng Dr osophi l a Wi ng Devel opm ent
2. f r i nge, a N ew Gene Responsi bl e f or Dor sal Cel l –Ventral
Cel l Interacti ons Dur i ng Dr osophi l a Wi ng Devel opm ent
(107)
Running f r i nge Medi ates Dor sal –Ventral Interacti ons

Title :
COMMEN TS
Functi ons
Content
Both ti tl es i ncl ude the str uctur e and i ts f uncti on.
The f i r st ti tl e w r i tes the f uncti on as the v er b and com pl eter of a

sentence. It uses an apposi ti v e bef or e the v er b to pl ace f r i nge i n i ts
categor y (“a boundar y speci f i c si gnal i ng m ol ecul e”).
The second ti tl e w r i tes the categor y and the f uncti on as an apposi ti ve

(af ter a com m a).
Hal l m ar k s
Both ti tl es accur atel y , com pl etel y , and speci f i cal l y i denti f y the
m essage of the paper . The sam e k ey ter m s ar e used i n the ti tl e as i n
the m essage and the i m pl i cati on.
The f i r st ti tl e (w hi ch i s the publ i shed ti tl e) i s too l ong. The second

ti tl e i s m or e conci se because i t uses a br i ef categor y ter m (“new
gene”) to i denti f y f r i nge.
Abs tra c t 3 (Hypothe s is Te s ting P a pe r)
A In mic e , the inha la tion of a irpla ne glue or tolue ne fume s s low s the
s inoa tria l ra te , prolongs the P R inte rva l, a nd s e ns itize s the he a rt to
a s phyx ia induc e d a triove ntric ula r bloc k . B In huma ns w ho s niff glue or
s olve nts , s imila r me c ha nis ms ma y be a c a us e of s udde n de a th.
Sc ie nc e
Title : 100 c ha ra c te rs a nd s pa c e s or le s s
Hi de Answ er
Abstr act 3
Abstract 3, w hi ch i s f r om Sci ence, does not f ol l ow the usual f or m at

(questi on, ex per i m ent done, r esul ts f ound, answ er ). Instead i t states
onl y the r esul ts (A) and an i m pl i cati on (B).
Title : Gl ue Sni f f i ng Causes Hear t Bl ock i n Mi ce (40)
COMMEN TS
Thi s r ev i sed ti tl e i l l ustr ates thr ee poi nts:
It i s unnecessar y f or the ti tl e to f i l l the space al l ow ed. Shor t

ti tl es hav e m or e i m pact than l ong ones.
A ti tl e f or a paper publ i shed i n a gener al jour nal can be catchy .
A ti tl e m ust be based on sol i d r esul ts, not on an i m pl i cati on or a

specul ati on. Al though som e peopl e tr y to i ncl ude hum ans and
sudden death i n the ti tl e by usi ng a questi on i n a subti tl e (“A
cause of sudden death i n hum ans?”), ev en tentati v e i m pl i cati ons
do not bel ong i n the ti tl e of a hy pothesi stesti ng paper , so the
subti tl e shoul d be om i tted.
N ote that i t i s i m possi bl e to f i t al l thr ee r esul ts f r om the abstr act

i nto the ti tl e. The sol uti on i s ei ther to choose one of the r esul ts, as
done i n the ti tl e abov e (causes hear t bl ock ), or to use a categor y
ter m , f or ex am pl e, “i m pai r ed car di ac conducti on, ” “car di ac
conducti on abnor m al i ti es, ” or “car di ac r hy thm di stur bances. ”
How ev er , because these ter m s ar e al l m or e abstr act than “hear t
bl ock , ” they ar e not as catchy . Si m i l ar l y , i t i s di f f i cul t to i ncl ude both
of the i ndependent v ar i abl es i n the ti tl e. But si nce tol uene i s the
sol v ent i n ai r pl ane gl ue, ei ther “tol uene” or “ai r pl ane gl ue” can be
om i tted f r om the ti tl e. “Ai r pl ane gl ue” i s catchi er than the l ess
f am i l i ar “tol uene. ”
N ote al so the car ef ul com pacti ng of w or ds i n thi s ti tl e. “Gl ue sni f f i ng”

i s not onl y catchy but al so condenses the l onger ter m “i nhal ati on of
ai r pl ane gl ue. ” “Causes” i s a condensed w ay of say i ng “sensi ti zes the
hear t to. ” For som e r eader s “causes” m ay seem l i k e ov er statem ent,
especi al l y si nce “asphy x i ai nduced” i s om i tted. These r eader s m ay
pr ef er “l eads to, ” w hi ch i s l ess di r ect than “causes. ” Fi nal l y , “hear t
bl ock ” i s a condensed w ay of say i ng “atr i ov entr i cul ar bl ock ” w i thout
usi ng an abbr ev i ati on (“AV bl ock ”).
Ev en though thi s ti tl e i s catchy and thus shoul d attr act r eader s, i t

al so f ol l ow s the gui del i nes f or the content and hal l m ar k s of a good
ti tl e. Al l the necessar y i nf or m ati on i s i ncl uded: “gl ue” i s the
i ndependent v ar i abl e, “sni f f i ng” i s the ex per i m ental appr oach,
“causes” i s the m essage, “hear t bl ock ” i s the dependent v ar i abl e, and
“m i ce” ar e the ani m al s studi ed. In addi ti on, al though som e r eader s
w i l l di spute the accur acy of the ti tl e and per haps al so the
com pl eteness, the ti tl e speci f i cal l y i denti f i es the m essage of the
paper , i s unam bi guous, i s conci se, and begi ns w i th an i m por tant
ter m .
Back
Chapter 12
The Big Picture
In Chapter s 10 and 11 w e saw that the abstract and the ti tl e of a bi om edi cal r esear ch paper shoul d
pr ov i de a cl ear over v i ew of the m essage and the stor y of the paper. The chal l enge i n the paper (both
i n the tex t and i n the f i gur es and tabl es) i s to m ake the over v i ew cl ear w hi l e si m ul taneousl y
pr esenti ng al l the necessar y detai l s.
The techni ques f or m ak i ng the m essage and the stor y cl ear have al l been pr esented i n the pr ev i ous
chapter s. Her e they ar e gather ed together i n a si ngl e check l i st. Thi s check l i st f ocuses on hy pothesi s
testi ng paper s.
CHECKLIST FOR THE BIG PICTURE
Goal
To state the m essage and tel l the stor y of the paper w hi l e si m ul taneousl y pr esenti ng al l the necessar y
detai l s; that i s, to avoi d l osi ng the f or est f or the tr ees.
The Message
State the m essage of the paper (the answ er to the questi on) i n a si ngl e sentence.
Make al l statem ents of the answ er the sam e.
Make al l statem ents of the questi on the sam e.
Make the answ er answ er the questi on asked: use the sam e key ter m s, the sam e ver b, and the sam e
poi nt of v i ew.
The Story
Incor porate the stor y i nto the paper. The stor y consi sts of f our m ai n par ts:
the questi on,
the ex per i m ents done to answ er the questi on,
the r esul ts f ound that answ er the questi on,
the answ er.
In addi ti on, the stor y i ncl udes
how the questi on and answ er f i t i n w i th pr ev i ous w or k ,
w hy the questi on and answ er ar e i m por tant.
In the Introduc tion, the stor y = the f unnel to the questi on (k now n, unk now n), the questi on, and
the ex per i m ental appr oach. The “k now n” i ncl udes how the questi on r el ates to pr ev i ous w or k and
w hy the questi on i s i m por tant.
P. 320
In Ma te ria ls a nd Me thods , the stor y = the ex per i m ents done to answ er the questi on.
For studi es i n w hi ch al l ex per i m ents ar e desi gned i n advance, the study desi gn subsecti on
gi ves the over v i ew of the ex per i m ents; the study desi gn i ncl udes
the i ndependent var i abl e(s),
the dependent var i abl e(s),
al l contr ol s.
For studi es i n w hi ch the r esul ts of one ex per i m ent deter m i ne w hat the nex t ex per i m ent w i l l
be, the Mater i al s and Methods secti on i s pur e cook book . The stor y of the ex per i m ents i s
gi ven i n the Resul ts secti on.
In Mater i al s and Methods secti ons f or both ty pes of study, stati ng the pur pose of each
pr ocedur e i ndi cates how that pr ocedur e hel ps answ er the questi on.
Subheadi ngs si gnal topi cs of subsecti ons v i sual l y. Topi c sentences and transi ti on phrases or
cl auses at the begi nni ng of subsecti ons and paragraphs si gnal topi cs ver bal l y.
In Re s ults , the stor y = the r esul ts f ound that answ er the questi on.
For studi es i n w hi ch al l the ex per i m ents ar e desi gned i n advance, r esul ts stated pr om i nentl y
(at the begi nni ng of the secti on and at the begi nni ng of each paragraph) tel l the stor y.
Topi c sentences and transi ti on phrases or cl auses at the begi nni ng of paragraphs si gnal
subtopi cs.
For studi es i n w hi ch the r esul ts of one ex per i m ent deter m i ne w hat the nex t ex per i m ent w i l l
be, the stor y consi sts of a r epeated f our par t patter n:
the questi on,
the ex per i m ents,
the r esul ts,
the answ er.
“We f ound” si gnal s the r esul ts.
In the Dis c us s ion, the stor y has thr ee par ts:
The begi nni ng states the answ er to the questi on and gi ves ev i dence that suppor ts the
answ er.
The m i ddl e ex pl ai ns the answ er, thus i ndi cati ng how the answ er f i ts i n w i th pr ev i ous w or k .
The end r estates the answ er or states r ecom m endati ons, appl i cati ons, i m pl i cati ons, or
specul ati ons, thus i ndi cati ng the i m por tance of the answ er, or does both.
Topi c sentences at the begi nni ng of ever y paragraph, ei ther al one or i n com bi nati on w i th
transi ti on w or ds, phrases, or cl auses, r epeated key ter m s, and other techni ques of
conti nui ty, tel l the stor y i n the Di scussi on.
Si gnal s of the answ er i denti f y the answ er at both the begi nni ng and the end of the
Di scussi on.
For the i ndi v i dual stor i es i n each paragraph, suppor ti ng sentences ar e or gani zed to suppor t
the topi c sentence, and the or gani zati on i s i ndi cated by the techni ques of conti nui ty.
In al l secti ons of the paper,
Or gani ze f r om m ost to l east i m por tant w hen usef ul (usual l y i n the Di scussi on; w her e
appr opr i ate i n Methods and Resul ts).
U se topic s e nte nc e s to state the over v i ew w henever possi bl e.
Check that r eadi ng the f i r st sentence or tw o of ever y paragraph r eveal s the stor y.
P. 321
Ensur e that the figure s a nd ta ble s together al so tel l the stor y of the paper.
Desi gn each f i gur e and tabl e to be si m pl e and to m ake a cl ear poi nt.
Make al l f i gur es and al l tabl es as paral l el as possi bl e i n desi gn.
When appr opr i ate, show the m ai n stor y of the paper i n f i gur es and back gr ound i nf or m ati on
i n tabl es.
Keep the num ber of f i gur es and tabl es to a m i ni m um .
Correlation of Parts
Have no l oose ends i n the tex t.
Ther e shoul d be
no answ er i n the Di scussi on w i thout a questi on i n the Intr oducti on,
no answ er i n the Di scussi on w i thout a r esul t i n Resul ts,
no r esul t i n Resul ts w i thout a m ethod i n Methods.
The i ndependent and dependent var i abl es i n the questi on, or i ndi cator s of these var i abl es,
shoul d be the ones w e r ead about i n the Methods, Resul ts, and Di scussi on. If an i ndi cator i s
used, the var i abl e that i t i s an i ndi cator of shoul d be stated.
Ser i es of var i abl es shoul d be i n the sam e or der i n the Intr oducti on, Methods, Resul ts, and
Di scussi on.
If the Intr oducti on begi ns w i th a general pr obl em and the Di scussi on ends w i th an
i m pl i cati on, the i m pl i cati on shoul d r el ate to the pr obl em .
Ke y te rms shoul d be the sam e thr oughout the paper.
Make the figure s a nd ta ble s and the tex t agr ee.
Al l var i abl es i n f i gur es and tabl es shoul d be i n Methods and Resul ts.
Key ter m s nam i ng the var i abl es shoul d be the sam e i n the f i gur es, f i gur e l egends, tabl es,
and tex t.
Val ues r estated i n the tex t shoul d be the sam e as those i n f i gur es and tabl es, and the uni ts
of m easur em ent shoul d be the sam e.
Each f i gur e and tabl e shoul d show w hat the tex t say s i t show s.
For the re fe re nc e s ,
Ever y r ef er ence i n the tex t m ust be i n the r ef er ence l i st.
Ever y r ef er ence i n the r ef er ence l i st m ust be i n the tex t.
Ever y r ef er ence m ust say w hat you cl ai m i t say s.
Make the a bs tra c t both r ef l ect the paper accuratel y and be under standabl e by i tsel f.
The questi on i n the abstract shoul d be the sam e as the questi on i n the Intr oducti on.
The answ er i n the abstract shoul d be the sam e as the answ er i n the Di scussi on.
The ex per i m ental appr oach and ex per i m ental detai l s i n the abstract shoul d be the sam e as
those i n the Intr oducti on and Methods.
Resul ts and data i n the abstract shoul d be the sam e as those i n Resul ts, f i gur es, and tabl es.
Si gnal s shoul d be used f or the questi on, the r esul ts, the answ er, and any i m pl i cati ons.
The over v i ew i n the abstract shoul d be the sam e as the over v i ew i n the tex t.
Make the title r ef l ect the paper accuratel y.
If the ti tl e i ndi cates the topi c of the paper, i t shoul d be the sam e topi c as i n the questi on.
If the ti tl e i ndi cates the answ er to the questi on, i t shoul d be the sam e answ er as i n the
abstract and the Di scussi on.
P. 322
The ti tl e shoul d i ncl ude
the i ndependent var i abl e,
the dependent var i abl e,
the ani m al or popul ati on studi ed,
the m essage, w hen appr opr i ate.
Important Information to Include

Do not om i t any i m por tant i nf or m ati on. Incl ude
the questi on (i n the abstract and i n the Intr oducti on).
the answ er (i n the abstract and i n the Di scussi on).
the ani m al or popul ati on studi ed, and the m ol ecul e, cel l l i ne, ti ssue, or or gan studi ed
i n the ti tl e.
i n the abstract.
i n the questi on or the ex per i m ental appr oach (Intr oducti on).
i n Methods.
i n Resul ts.
i n the answ er or the si gnal of the answ er (Di scussi on).
i n at l east the f i r st f i gur e l egend.

i n at l east the f i r st tabl e ti tl e.
key aspects of the m ethods and data anal y si s (i n Methods).
the study desi gn (i n Methods f or studi es i n w hi ch al l ex per i m ents ar e desi gned i n advance;
i n Resul ts f or studi es i n w hi ch the r esul ts of one ex per i m ent deter m i ne w hat the nex t
ex per i m ent w i l l be).
al l r el evant r esul ts, w hether or not they suppor t your answ er (i n Resul ts), and suppor ti ng
data (i n f i gur es, tabl es, or the tex t).
al ter nati ve ex pl anati ons of r esul ts (i n the Di scussi on).
di scussi on of any w eak nesses i n the study desi gn, l i m i tati ons of the m ethods, and the
val i di ty of assum pti ons (i n Methods or the Di scussi on).
def i ni ti ons of abbr ev i ati ons.
def i ni ti ons of val ues af ter a “± ” i n tabl es and i n the tex t.
def i ni ti ons of er r or bar s i n graphs.
the sam pl e si ze (n).
suf f i ci ent i nf or m ati on i n f i gur e l egends and i n f ootnotes of tabl es to m ake the f i gur e or tabl e
under standabl e w i thout r ef er ence to the tex t.
i m por tant r ef er ences.
The Trees Versus the Forest

Do not i ncl ude any unnecessar y i nf or m ati on or unnecessar y r epeti ti on.
“The m or e noi se, the l ess m essage.”
Check that al l i nf or m ati on i n the tex t and i n the f i gur es and tabl es r el ates cl osel y to the
questi on and answ er.
Make sentences, paragraphs, and each secti on of the paper conci se.
In the Introduc tion,
Star t cl ose to the speci f i c topi c.
Do not r ev i ew the l i teratur e.
Funnel as ef f i ci entl y as possi bl e to the questi on.
In Me thods ,
Om i t detai l s of w el l k now n m ethods that have al r eady been r epor ted; ci te a r ef er ence.
For m ethods that have been r epor ted but ar e l ess w el l k now n, i ncl ude a br i ef
descr i pti on i n addi ti on to ci ti ng a r ef er ence.
P. 323
In Re s ults ,
Gi ve onl y the over v i ew.
Do not r epeat data show n i n f i gur es and tabl es.
Om i t separate sentences descr i bi ng f i gur es and tabl es.
For studi es i n w hi ch al l ex per i m ents ar e desi gned i n advance, om i t separate sentences

descr i bi ng m ethods.
In figure s a nd ta ble s ,
Om i t nonessenti al f i gur es and tabl es and nonessenti al data.
Do not pr esent the sam e data i n both a f i gur e and a tabl e.
In the Dis c us s ion,
Do not begi n by r epeati ng the Intr oducti on or w r i ti ng a new Intr oducti on.
Do not begi n w i th a sum m ar y of the r esul ts.
Do not i ncl ude tangenti al topi cs.
In the re fe re nc e lis t,
Have a suf f i ci ent num ber of r ef er ences to gi ve cr edi t to other s' w or k and to di r ect
r eader s to sour ces of f ur ther i nf or m ati on.
Keep the num ber of r ef er ences to a m i ni m um .
In the a bs tra c t,
Om i t al l noncr uci al detai l s and noncr uci al data.
U se per cent change i nstead of ex act val ues w her e possi bl e.
In the title , om i t ever y w or d and ever y detai l that i s not essenti al .
Avoi d abbr ev i ati ons.
Make your paper shor t, m eaty, and cl ear.
P. 324
EXERCISE 12.1: SEEING THE BIG PICTURE

Rew r i te, add ov er v i ew , r eor gani ze, and condense w her e necessar y to m ak e the m essage and the
stor y cl ear er . Do not get l ost i n the detai l s. Focus on the bi g pi ctur e (the f or est).
1. Que s tions a nd Ans w e rs
a. Ma k e a ll s ta te me nts of the que s tion the s a me .
b. Ma k e a ll s ta te me nts of the a ns w e r the s a me .
c. Be s ure tha t the a ns w e r a ns w e rs the que s tion a s k e d.
d. U s e pre s e nt te ns e in the que s tion a nd a ns w e r.
2. Anima l or P opula tion Studie d
Be s ure tha t the a nima l s tudie d is s ta te d in a ll s e c tions of the pa pe r. (Ew e = fe ma le

s he e p. )
3. Introduc tion
a. Re vis e the que s tion.
b. Shorte n the Introduc tion.
c. Find the be s t s ta rting point.
d. Add a ny informa tion tha t is mis s ing (ma k e it up).
4. Me thods
a. Study De s ign
The s tudy de s ign a s now w ritte n inc lude s a lot of c ook book de ta ils of how
proc e dure s w e re done . The s e c ook book de ta ils be long in othe r s ubs e c tions . Y our
re vis e d s tudy de s ign s hould give a brie f ove rvie w of the e x pe rime nt done to
a ns w e r the que s tion (one s hort pa ra gra ph).
W rite this ove rvie w. Ke e p it brie f. Inc lude
the inte rve ntions ma de
the va ria ble s me a s ure d
a ll c ontrols
w ha t c ons titute s one e x pe rime nt
how long a n e x pe rime nt la s te d
the orde r of the inte rve ntions a nd me a s ure me nts
purpos e s of a ny proc e dure s w hos e purpos e is not obvious
b. Cook book
If you ha ve time , w rite the c ook book for the de ta ils you omitte d from the origina l
Study De s ign (= pa ra gra phs 3–8 of the Me thods s e c tion).
Cre a te ne w s ubs e c tions a s ne e de d.
Add de ta ils a nd purpos e s to e x is ting c ook book s ubs e c tions a s ne e de d.
c. Ca lc ula tions
Find the be s t orga niza tion.
Add topic s e nte nc e s a s ne e de d.
d. Surgic a l P re pa ra tion
If you ha ve time , c onde ns e the de s c ription of the s urgic a l pre pa ra tion s o tha t it
re a lly is brie f—a bout one third its c urre nt le ngth.
5. Re s ults
a. Find the be s t orga niza tion (by inde pe nde nt va ria ble ? by de pe nde nt va ria ble ? if
de pe nde nt, w ha t orde r?).
b. Conde ns e .
6. Figure s a nd Ta ble s
a. Ma k e Figure s 1 a nd 2 a ppropria te to the da ta .
b. Ma k e Figure 3 c le a r.
P. 325
c. Re de s ign Ta ble 2 to ma k e the tre nds of the da ta e a s ie r to s e e .
d. Alte rna tive ly, de c ide w hic h da ta to s how in figure s a nd w hic h da ta to s how in ta ble s ,
a nd re de s ign the figure s a nd ta ble s a c c ordingly.
7. Dis c us s ion
P a ra . 1
a. Signa l the a ns w e rs .
b. Re vis e the a ns w e rs .
c. Link s e nte nc e B more c los e ly to s e nte nc e A.
P a ra . 3
d. Indic a te the re a s on for inc luding this pa ra gra ph.
P a ra . 5
e. Re vis e the s igna l a nd the a ns w e r.
f . Re la te s e nte nc e II more c le a rly to the re s t of the pa ra gra ph.
8. Abs tra c t
a. Re vis e the que s tion a nd a ns w e r.
b. Conde ns e .
c. Indic a te the re a s on for inc luding s e nte nc e s I a nd J.
9. Title : Ma k e the title more s pe c ific .
Hi de Answ er
Stre ngths
Ove ra ll
The paper i s f ai r l y shor t, m eaty, and cl ear.
Ther e ar e no l oose ends.
Most key ter m s ar e kept consi stent or ar e shor tened r ecogni zabl y (f or ex am pl e, “um bi l i cal
cor d occl usi on,” “cor d occl usi on”).
Onl y thr ee abbr ev i ati ons ar e used: pO 2 , pCO 2 , SD (par ti al pr essur e of ox ygen, par ti al
pr essur e of car bon di ox i de, standar d dev i ati on).
Introduc tion
What i s k now n (A–D) and the i m por tance (E) ar e cl ear l y stated.
The Intr oducti on star ts cl ose to the speci f i c topi c.
The f unnel i n the f i r st hal f of paragraph 2 (F–J) i s cl ear.
The si gnal of the questi on (O) i s cl ear.
The statem ent of the ex per i m ental appr oach (P) cl ear l y addr esses the pr obl em m enti oned i n
paragraph 2 (J).
Ma te ria ls a nd Me thods
Subheadi ngs cl ear l y i denti f y the subsecti ons of Mater i al s and Methods.
Ver bal si gnal s ar e used i n som e subsecti ons:
Sur gi cal Pr epar ati on: Topi c sentence (“The sur gi cal pr otocol has been descr i bed
pr ev i ousl y . Br i ef l y , … ”).
Study Desi gn: A topi c sentence that gi v es a br i ef ov er v i ew (“Four ex per i m ents

w er e per f or m ed i n the sequence pr esented bel ow . ”).
For each ex per i m ent, w e k now w hat w as done and w hat the i ndependent and dependent
v ar i abl es and the contr ol s ar e.
The descr i pti on of each ex per i m ent i s or gani zed accor di ng to the i ndependent v ar i abl es
l i sted i n the questi on (v enti l ati on, ox y genati on, um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on).
Pur poses (par as. 4, 5, 7) and r easons (par as. 6, 7, 9, 10, 12) ar e i ncl uded f or speci f i c
pr ocedur es.
Thi nk i ng i s cl ear l y di spl ay ed i n “Cal cul ati ons” and “Anal y si s of Data. ”
Re s ults
The or der of i ndependent var i abl es w i thi n paragraphs 1, 2, and 3 i s consi stent (venti l ati on,
ox ygenati on, um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on).
Thi nk i ng i s cl ear l y di spl ayed i n “Major v s. Mi nor Responder s Dur i ng Venti l ati on Al one” to
ex pl ai n w hy the author i s r epor ti ng som e r esul ts that do not hel p answ er the questi on.
Because the questi on f or these r esul ts coul d not have been desi gned i nto the study, stati ng
the questi on and descr i bi ng the m ethods i n the Resul ts secti on i s appr opr i ate.
Dis c us s ion
The Di scussi on has the thr ee standar d par ts: the answ er to the questi on at the begi nni ng,
ex pl anati on and ex pansi on of the answ er i n the m i ddl e, and a r estatem ent of the answ er
f ol l ow ed by specul ati on at the end.
Topi cs ar e or gani zed f r om m ost to l east i m por tant to the questi on and answ er.
Readi ng the topi c sentence at the begi nni ng of each paragraph gi ves an over v i ew of the
stor y.
Par agr aph 1:
Cl ear statem ent of the contex t (A).
Cl ear statem ent of the answ er (B).
Par agr aph 2:
Cl ear topi c sentence (D).
Par agr aph 3:
Cl ear.
A l i m i tati on of the study desi gn i s i ncl uded (X).
Al though the topi c of paragraph 3 i s tangenti al , the author consi der ed i t at l east as
i m por tant as the questi on and answ er, so i t i s i ncl uded i n the Di scussi on.
Par agr aph 4:
Cl ear.
Par agr aph 5:
The l ast sentence br i ngs the stor y f ul l ci r cl e by m enti oni ng the sy ndr om e of per si stent
pul m onar y hy per tensi on of the new bor n, w hi ch was f i r st m enti oned i n the Intr oducti on (E).
Re fe re nc e s
Al l r ef er ences i n the l i st ar e i n the tex t, and v i ce ver sa.
Figure s a nd Ta ble s
The f i gur es ar e paral l el .
The tabl es ar e cl ear and cl ear l y suppor t the statem ents i n the tex t, and thei r f or m i s
paral l el .
The var i abl es and the val ues i n the f i gur es and tabl es ar e the sam e as those i n the tex t. The
key ter m s and the uni ts of m easur em ent ar e al so the sam e.
The ani m al studi ed i s stated i n al l f i gur es and tabl es.
In al l f i gur es and tabl es data ar e i denti f i ed as m ean ± SD, and n (the sam pl e si ze) i s gi ven.
Fi gur e l egends and f ootnotes of tabl es gi ve enough i nf or m ati on to m ake the f i gur es and
tabl es under standabl e w i thout r ef er ence to the tex t.
Data i n f i gur es do not r epeat data i n tabl es.
Abs tra c t
The si gnal s of the r esul ts (E) and of the answ er (K) ar e cl ear.
The back gr ound statem ent (A) i s cl ear.
The statem ent of the r esul ts (E–J) i s cl ear.
Resul ts and data i n the abstract ar e the sam e as those i n the Resul ts secti on.
The ani m al studi ed i s stated i n the descr i pti on of the ex per i m ent (C).
Data ar e pr esented as per cent change rather than as m ean and standar d dev i ati on.
W e a k ne s s e s
Ove ra ll
The statem ents of the questi on ar e not al l the sam e.
Abstr act: “to deter m i ne w hether v enti l ati on and ox y genati on of the f etal l ungs
coul d cause thi s decr ease i n r esi stance” (C).
Intr oducti on: “to deter m i ne w hether the sequenti al ex posur e of the f etus to
gaseous v enti l ati on, ox y genati on, and um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on coul d decr ease
pul m onar y v ascul ar r esi stance to l ev el s seen at bi r th” (O).
The statem ents of the answ er ar e not al l the sam e.
Abstract: “The changes i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance and bl ood f l ow that occur
at bi r th can be achi eved by i n uter o venti l ati on and ox ygenati on” (K).
Di scussi on: “Venti l ati on and ox ygenati on together can account f or the decr ease i n
pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance, and thus f or the l ar ge i ncr ease i n pul m onar y bl ood
f l ow, that nor m al l y occur at bi r th” (B).
Di scussi on: “The changes i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance and bl ood f l ow that ar e
cr i ti cal to the adaptati on of the f etus to the postnatal env i r onm ent can be
achi eved by i n uter o venti l ati on and ox ygenati on (EE). Mor eover, m uch of the
vasodi l ator y r esponse can be achi eved w i thout an i ncr ease i n f etal pO 2 ” (FF).
The answ er s do not answ er the questi ons as ask ed. The v er bs i n al l the answ er s ar e
di f f er ent f r om the v er bs i n the questi ons. In addi ti on, the end of the Di scussi on (FF)
i ncl udes an answ er f or w hi ch ther e i s no questi on. Thi s i s a m ajor di scr epancy i n the
ov er v i ew .
The over v i ew i n the tex t i s not as cl ear as the over v i ew i n the abstract. Or gani zati on
f r om m ost to l east i m por tant shoul d be used m or e i n the tex t. Al so, m or e techni ques of
conti nui ty need to be used i n the tex t to m ake the over v i ew cl ear : topi c sentences,
ver bal and v i sual si gnal s of topi cs, ex act r epeti ti on of key ter m s. Fi nal l y, l ong
ex pl anati ons shoul d be condensed.
The ter m “venti l ati on” i s not pr eci se. A m or e pr eci se ter m i s “l ung di stensi on,” as
i ndi cated by the def i ni ti on of venti l ati on i n the or i gi nal Intr oducti on (sent. G).
The w r i ti ng coul d be l i v el i er .
Introduc tion
The r ev i ew of the l i teratur e [ev i dence that the pul m onar y vascul ar r esponse to venti l ati on,
ox ygenati on, and um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on m ay be Sal ter ed by the m etabol i c ef f ects of acute
sur ger y and anesthesi a (K–N )] i s unnecessar y. Thi s topi c i s deal t w i th m or e r el evantl y i n the
Di scussi on (para. 2).
The r ef er ences i n the r ev i ew of the l i teratur e (11–25) ar e unnecessar y.
The r eason f or study i ng the ef f ect of um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on shoul d be added.
To em phasi ze the r eason f or the cum ul ati ve study desi gn, the r eason can be i ncl uded i n the
Intr oducti on rather than i n the Anal y si s of Data subsecti on of Methods.
The questi on (O) r el ates to the f i r st answ er onl y. One sol uti on i s to add a questi on that
r el ates to the second answ er. Another sol uti on i s to ask onl y the second questi on, as i n the
r ev i si on bel ow.
The questi on shoul d be i n pr esent tense.
Sur gi cal Pr epar ati on: The br i ef descr i pti on does not seem br i ef .
Study Desi gn:
Mor e ov er v i ew i s needed at the begi nni ng.
The m or e pr eci se ter m “basel i ne” can be used i nstead of “contr ol . ”
Detai l s of the i nter v enti ons and detai l s of m ethods of m easur em ent shoul d be
m ov ed to separ ate subsecti ons. Par agr aph 8 shoul d be at the end of the
Cal cul ati ons subsecti on.
Cal cul ati ons:
Or gani zi ng f r om m ost to l east i m por tant w oul d em phasi ze the dependent var i abl e
i n the questi on (pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance) m or e.
Mor e over v i ew w oul d be usef ul , speci f i cal l y, a topi c sentence say i ng that
m i cr ospher es w er e i njected i n tw o way s, a com pani on topi c sentence i n the nex t
paragraph announci ng the second way of i njecti ng m i cr ospher es, and a transi ti on
phrase stati ng the pur pose of i njecti ng m i cr ospher es i nto the l ef t atr i um . In
addi ti on, a br i ef descr i pti on of the m i cr ospher e m ethod coul d be added (para. 10
of the Rev i si on).
Re s ults
Putti ng the r esul ts f or pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance i n the m i ddl e of the Resul ts secti on
and al so bur y i ng them at the end of the paragraph on pr essur es (para. 3) m ake the
i m por tant r esul ts har d to f i nd. Or gani zi ng f r om m ost to l east i m por tant w oul d em phasi ze the
r esul ts that answ er the questi on both i n the Resul ts secti on and i n the f i gur es (pul m onar y
vascul ar r esi stance, the m ost i m por tant dependent var i abl e, w oul d be i n Fi g. 1). The
var i abl es on w hi ch the cal cul ati on of pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance was based (pul m onar y
bl ood f l ow and m ean pul m onar y ar ter i al and l ef t atr i al pr essur es) can com e nex t, and bl ood
gases and pH can com e l ast. For thi s or gani zati on, a topi c sentence l i nk i ng pul m onar y bl ood
f l ow to pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance shoul d be added (see para. 2 of Resul ts i n the
Rev i si on).
Al ter nati vel y, r eor gani zi ng the r esul ts accor di ng to the i ndependent var i abl e, the sam e
or gani zati on as i n Methods, rather than accor di ng to the dependent var i abl e w oul d m ake the
Resul ts cor r espond m or e cl ear l y w i th the questi on, the abstract, Methods, and the
cal cul ati on of pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance.
The ani m al studi ed shoul d be m enti oned at the begi nni ng of Resul ts.
The data f or pul m onar y bl ood f l ow and f or pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance do not need to be
m enti oned; ci ti ng the f i gur es i s suf f i ci ent.
In paragraph 2, Fi gur e 1 shoul d be ci ted af ter an ex per i m ental r esul t (the ef f ect of
venti l ati on), not af ter a contr ol r esul t. In paragraph 3, Fi gur e 2 shoul d be ci ted af ter the
r esul t f or venti l ati on al one (the dram ati c decr ease), not at the end of the sentence.
In paragraph 5, the f i r st sentence (m ethods) shoul d be subor di nated to the second sentence
(r esul ts), and Tabl e 4 shoul d be ci ted af ter the r esul t, not af ter the m ethod. The r em ai ni ng
sentences can be om i tted because the detai l s ar e i ncl uded i n the Di scussi on (para. 3).
Dis c us s ion
Par agr aph 1:
A str onger si gnal of the answ er i n B and a str onger l i nk betw een B and A w oul d be hel pf ul
(see the r ev i si on).
The ani m al studi ed shoul d be m enti oned i n the si gnal of the answ er.
Instead of stati ng a r esul t, sentence C shoul d state an answ er. The var i abl e shoul d be
pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance and the ver b shoul d be i n pr esent tense.
P a ra gra phs 2–4:
Condensi ng w oul d m ake these paragraphs cl ear er.
Par agr aph 3:
Identi f y i ng the gr eat var i abi l i ty i n the r esponse of f etal pul m onar y bl ood f l ow as an
unex pected f i ndi ng (sentence M) w oul d m ake the over v i ew cl ear er.
Par agr aph 4:
To m ake the topi c sentence sound l ess negati ve and to f ocus the stor y on the topi c of
paragraph 4, the f i r st poi nt i n sentence Y can be subor di nated to the second poi nt.
Par agr aph 5:
“In uter o” bel ongs i n the ex per i m ental appr oach, not i n the answ er (EE).
The answ er shoul d be si gnal ed and the ani m al studi ed shoul d be nam ed i n the si gnal .
Changi ng the key ter m (f r om “venti l ati on” to “w i thout an i ncr ease i n f etal pO 2 ”) m akes the
second answ er (FF) di f f i cul t to under stand.
Pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance shoul d be added to the l ast sentence (II) to r el ate the
specul ati on to the dependent var i abl e i n the answ er bef or e r el ati ng i t to a cl i ni cal pr obl em
based on the dependent var i abl e.
Figure s a nd Ta ble s
In the tabl es, al l sam pl e si zes l ess than 16 shoul d be accounted f or. (The sam pl e si ze of 12
dur i ng um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on i n Tabl e 1 i s accounted f or i n para. 7 of Methods. The sam pl e
si ze of 10 f or l ef t atr i al pr essur e dur i ng venti l ati on and ox ygenati on i s accounted f or i n
para. 3 of Resul ts. )
Tabl es 1–3 coul d be r edesi gned so that the i ndependent var i abl e r uns dow n the f i r st col um n
on the l ef t (see the r ev i si on). In addi ti on, the data i n Tabl es 2–4, w hi ch ar e not nor m al l y
di str i buted, shoul d be m edi ans and i nter quar ti l e ranges.
Fi gur es 1 and 2 shoul d be boxandw hi sker pl ots, because the data ar e not nor m al l y
di str i buted (w hi ch i s w hy the data w er e anal y zed by the MannWhi tney U test).
The data f or the answ er to the questi on shoul d not be spl i t i nto tw o f i gur es and a tabl e
(Fi gs. 1, 2 and Tabl e 3). To m ake the cal cul ati on of pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance f r om
pul m onar y bl ood f l ow and the di f f er ence betw een l ef t atr i al pr essur e and sy stem i c ar ter i al
pr essur e cl ear, al l the data can be pr esented i n a tabl e (see the r ev i si on).
In Fi gur e 3, the poi nt that i ndi v i dual changes i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow w er e ex tr em el y
var i abl e i s di f f i cul t to see because the over l ap of cur ves m akes f ol l ow i ng and com par i ng
i ndi v i dual cur ves di f f i cul t. One way to m ake the poi nt i n Fi gur e 3 cl ear i s to r edraw the
graph as tw o separate graphs, one f or m ajor r esponder s and the other f or m i nor r esponder s.
Abs tra c t
The questi on i n the abstract (C) does not r ef l ect the paper accuratel y because the questi on
om i ts one of the i ndependent var i abl es (um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on), thus cr eati ng onl y a
par ti al ex pectati on of the topi cs i n the paper.
The ex per i m ent done shoul d m enti on pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance (D).
Changi ng the key ter m “venti l ati on” to “venti l ati on… w i th a gas m i x tur e that pr oduced no
changes i n ar ter i al bl ood gases” (E) and to “w i thout an i ncr ease i n f etal pO 2 ” (L) i s
conf usi ng.
“U nex pectedl y ” shoul d be added at the begi nni ng of the r esul ts i n sentence I.
In the answ er (K), the poi nt of v i ew shoul d be the sam e as that i n the questi on; the ver b
shoul d al so be the sam e. In addi ti on, “i n uter o” bel ongs onl y i n the descr i pti on of the
ex per i m ent, not i n the answ er.
The abstract i s l onger than necessar y. Sentences B (back gr ound) and M (specul ati on) can be
om i tted. Sentences E–H (r esul ts) can be condensed.
Title
The ti tl e i ndi cates the topi c of the paper onl y v aguel y .
“Changes” shoul d be changed to “decr eases. ”
“Pul m onar y Ci r cul ati on” shoul d be changed to “Pul m onar y Vascul ar Resi stance”
(the dependent v ar i abl e).
Instead of “Bi r thRel ated Ev ents, ” the speci f i c i ndependent v ar i abl es that
decr eased pul m onar y v ascul ar r esi stance shoul d be nam ed.
For the m ost speci f i c ti tl e, the m essage can be stated i n a v er b (“decr ease”).
The ani m al studi ed m ust be i ncl uded i n the ti tl e.
Re vis ion
LU NG DISTENSION: THE MAJOR CAU SE OF DECREASED P U LMONARY VASCU LAR

RESISTANCE IN NEARTERM FETAL SHEEP
Abs tra c t
A In thi s study, w e asked w hether di stensi on of the l ungs, ox ygenati on of the l ungs, or
occl usi on of the um bi l i cal cor d i s the m ajor cause of the decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar
r esi stance that nor m al l y occur s at bi r th. B To answ er thi s questi on, w e assessed the
cum ul ati ve ef f ects of l ung di stensi on, ox ygenati on, and um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on on
pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance i n 16 chr oni cal l y i nstr um ented near ter m f etal sheep i n uter o.
C We cal cul ated pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance f r om vascul ar pr essur es and pul m onar y bl ood
f l ow (obtai ned by i njecti ng radi onucl i del abel ed m i cr ospher es) dur i ng basel i ne, l ung
di stensi on, ox ygenati on, and um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on. D We f ound that l ung di stensi on al one
decr eased pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance to 34% of basel i ne, because of a 400% i ncr ease i n
pul m onar y bl ood f l ow, no change i n pul m onar y ar ter i al pr essur e, and a 200% i ncr ease i n l ef t
atr i al pr essur e. E Ox ygenati on decr eased pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance f ur ther (to 10% of
basel i ne), because of a m odest f ur ther i ncr ease i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow and a decr ease i n
pul m onar y ar ter i al pr essur e. F U m bi l i cal cor d occl usi on caused no f ur ther change i n any of
the var i abl es. G U ne x pe c te dly,
the f etuses r esponded di f f er entl y to l ung di stensi on: i n ei ght,
pul m onar y bl ood f l ow was m ax i m al dur i ng l ung di stensi on w her eas i n the other ei ght, i t was
onl y 20% of m ax i m al . H We f ound no di f f er ences betw een the tw o gr oups of f etuses to
ex pl ai n thei r di f f er ent r esponses. I We concl ude that l ung di stensi on i s the m ajor cause of
the decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance that nor m al l y occur s at bi r th.
Introduc tion
1 A At bi r th, as the l ungs r epl ace the pl acenta as the m ai n or gan of gas exchange, pul m onar y
vascul ar r esi stance m ust decr ease dram ati cal l y, al l ow i ng pul m onar y bl ood f l ow to i ncr ease
and ox ygen exchange to occur i n the l ungs. B If pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance does not
decr ease, the sy ndr om e of per si stent pul m onar y hy per tensi on of the new bor n occur s, of ten
l eadi ng to death.
2 C Whi ch of the m any events that occur at bi r th c a us e the nor m al decr ease i n pul m onar y
vascul ar r esi stance i s not f ul l y under stood. D Thr ee m ajor events that coul d c a us e thi s
decr ease ar e r hy thm i c gaseous di stensi on of the l ungs, ox ygenati on of the l ungs, and
occl usi on of the um bi l i cal cor d. E Tw o of these events—di stensi on and ox ygenati on—have
been studi ed i n acutel y ex ter i or i zed f etal sheep. F The studi es suggested that ox ygenati on
rather than di stensi on of the f etal l ungs is the ma jor c a us e of the decr ease i n pul m onar y
vascul ar r esi stance (5–10). G How ever, the m etabol i c ef f ects of acute anesthesi a and sur ger y
used to ex ter i or i ze the f etal sheep m ay have al ter ed the pul m onar y vascul ar r esponse i n
these studi es, because thi s r esponse i s consi der ed to be at l east par tl y m edi ated by
vasoacti ve m etabol i tes (11). H In addi ti on, al though the ef f ect of um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on on
pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance has been studi ed onl y i ndi r ectl y, um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on has
been f ound to i ncr ease catechol am i nes gr eatl y (r ef ). I Thi s i ncr ease i n catechol am i nes coul d
al ter pul m onar y vascul ar tone and thus coul d change pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance.
3 J Ther ef or e, i n thi s study, w e asked w hether di stensi on of the l ungs, ox ygenati on of the
l ungs, or occl usi on of the um bi l i cal cor d (D) i s the m ajor c a us e (F) of the decr ease i n
pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance that nor m al l y occur s at bi r th (A, C). K To answ er thi s
questi on, w e assessed the cum ul ati ve ef f ects of l ung di stensi on, ox ygenati on, and um bi l i cal
cor d occl usi on on pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance i n 16 near ter m f etal sheep i n uter o. L We
studi ed the cum ul ati ve ef f ects rather than the i ndependent ef f ects because the or der of the
ex per i m ents coul d not be random i zed. M One r eason i s that w e w er e concer ned that
ox ygenati on of the f etal l ungs m i ght i nduce num er ous and per haps i r r ever si bl e m etabol i c
and hem ody nam i c consequences, so that subsequent l ung di stensi on i n the absence of
ox ygenati on coul d not be studi ed. N Another r eason i s that the um bi l i cal cor d cannot be
occl uded bef or e ox ygenati on. O Thus, the study i s com posed of f our cum ul ati ve ex per i m ents:
basel i ne, l ung di stensi on, ox ygenati on, and um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on. * P To avoi d the
super i m posed ef f ects of acute anestheti c and sur gi cal str esses and of other com ponents of
the bi r th pr ocess, such as pr enatal hor m onal sur ges, l abor, del i ver y, and col d ex posur e, w e
di d these ex per i m ents i n near ter m f etal sheep i n uter o 2–3 day s af ter sur ger y f or catheter
pl acem ent.
(Topi c sentences, transi ti on phrases, and key ter m s that si gnal topi cs of paragraphs or
subtopi cs w i thi n paragraphs ar e under l i ned)
Anima ls
1 A Si x teen f etal sheep w er e studi ed at 134. 9 ± 1. 2 (SD) day s of gestati on (ter m i s about
145 day s). B The
f etuses w er e of nor m al w ei ght (3. 6 ± 0. 6 k g) and had nor m al bl ood gases
(see Resul ts) and hem ogl obi n concentrati ons (10. 9 ± 1. 6 g/dl ) at the begi nni ng of the study.
C Ani m al husbandr y and the study desi gn f ol l ow ed the gui del i nes of the N ati onal Insti tutes of
Heal th. The study desi gn w as appr ov ed by the Com m i ttee on Ani m al Resear ch at our
uni v er si ty .
Surgic a l P re pa ra tion
2 D The sur gi cal pr otocol has been descr i bed pr ev i ousl y (4, 12). E Br i ef l y, dur i ng anesthesi a,
f or m easur em ent of pul m onar y bl ood f l ow and vascul ar pr essur es, catheter s w er e pl aced i n
the ascendi ng aor ta, the descendi ng aor ta, the i nf er i or vena cava, the l ef t atr i um , the
pul m onar y ar ter y, and the am ni oti c cav i ty (f or zer o pr essur e r ef er ence). F The ascendi ng
aor ti c catheter was al so used to obtai n bl ood sam pl es f or deter m i nati on of pH, pO 2 , pCO 2 ,
hem ogl obi n concentrati on, and hem ogl obi n ox ygen saturati on. G For venti l ati on, an
endotracheal tube was i nser ted. H Attached to the endotracheal tube w er e tw o pi eces of
pol y v i ny l tubi ng. I One pi ece was seal ed. J The other pi ece was pl aced i n the am ni oti c cav i ty
to al l ow f r ee drai nage of tracheal f l ui d postoperati vel y. K In addi ti on, a catheter was pl aced
i n the pl eural cav i ty f or tr eatm ent i n the event of a pneum othorax . L Fi nal l y, a bal l oon
occl uder was pl aced ar ound the um bi l i cal cor d.
Study De s ign
3 M Tw o to thr ee day s af ter sur ger y, w e per f or m ed f our cum ul ati ve ex per i m ents on each of
the 16 f etal sheep i n the f ol l ow i ng sequence: f i r st, basel i ne; then added l ung di stensi on
(i nduced by venti l ati on w i th a gas m i x tur e that pr eser ved nor m al f etal bl ood gas content);
then added ox ygenati on (venti l ati on w i th 100% ox ygen); and l ast added um bi l i cal cor d
occl usi on. N Dur i ng each of the f our ex per i m ents, w e f i r st sam pl ed f etal bl ood f r om the
ascendi ng aor ta f or assessm ent of i ndi cator s of ox ygenati on and aci dbase status (pH, pO 2 ,
pCO 2 , hem ogl obi n concentrati on, and hem ogl obi n ox ygen saturati on). O N ex t, f or the
cal cul ati on of pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance, w e m easur ed m ean pr essur es i n the pul m onar y
ar ter y and the l ef t atr i um and then i njected radi onucl i del abel ed m i cr ospher es f or
cal cul ati on of pul m onar y bl ood f l ow. P We al so m easur ed sy stem i c ar ter i al pr essur e as a
check of hem ody nam i c stabi l i ty. Q We obtai ned al l data w i thi n 5 m i n and dur i ng hem ody nam i c
stabi l i ty.
4 R Bef or e the f i r st ex per i m ent, w e pl aced the ew e i n a study cage and al l ow ed i t f r ee access
to al f al f a pel l ets and water. S Bef or e begi nni ng the ex per i m ental m easur em ents, w e wai ted
f or at l east 15 m i n af ter the i nter venti on f or pr essur es and bl ood gases to stabi l i ze. T Af ter
tak i ng bl ood sam pl es, w e gave f etal or m ater nal bl ood to r epl ace bl ood l oss.
Inte rve ntions (new subsecti on)
5 U For l ung di stensi on, w e venti l ated the f etus's l ungs w i th a gas m i x tur e that pr eser ved
nor m al f etal bl ood gas content. V Fi r st, w e opened the tw o pol y v i ny l tubes connected to the
tracheal tube and al l ow ed the tracheal f l ui d to drai n by grav i ty. W Then w e bal anced a
m i x tur e of ni tr ogen, ox ygen, and car bon di ox i de to m atch the f etal bl ood gases obtai ned
dur i ng the basel i ne ex per i m ent. X The gas m i x tur e was about 92% ni tr ogen, 3% ox ygen, and
5% car bon di ox i de. Y Bef or e
begi nni ng venti l ati on, w e al l ow ed thi s gas m i x tur e to f l ow
thr ough the pol y v i ny l tubi ng f or a f ew seconds at a rate of about 10 L/m i n so that the f etus
w oul d not be ex posed to hi gh concentrati ons of ox ygen at the onset of venti l ati on. Z Then w e
connected the tubi ng to a speci al l y desi gned r espi rator and adjusted venti l ati on as descr i bed
pr ev i ousl y (12). AA Venti l ator y setti ngs ar e pr esented i n Tabl e 1.
6 B B For ox ygenati on, w e changed the gas m i x tur e to 100% ox ygen and conti nued venti l ati on.
C C We di d not add car bon di ox i de to the ox ygen because i ts addi ti on i n the f i r st f ew studi es
i ncr eased f etal pCO 2 . D D Thi s i ncr ease pr obabl y occur r ed because pl acental bl ood f l ow f el l
dur i ng ox ygenati on (4), i m pai r i ng car bon di ox i de r em oval .
7 EE For um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on, w e f ul l y i nf l ated the bal l oon ar ound the um bi l i cal cor d, thus
abol i shi ng pl acental bl ood f l ow (4). F F In 4 of the 16 f etuses, w e coul d not study cor d
occl usi on, because of a f aul ty bal l oon i n tw o and the devel opm ent of pneum othoraces, w hi ch
l ed to car di ovascul ar decom pensati on, i n tw o.
Me thods of Me a s ure me nt (new subsecti on)
8 Bl ood pr essur es w er e m easur ed by connecti ng the vascul ar catheter s to Statham P23Db

strai ngauge transducer s (Statham Instr um ents, Ox nar d, CA) and r ecor di ng the traci ngs on a
di r ectw r i ti ng pol ygraph (Beck m an Instr um ents, San Jose, CA). H H Bl ood gases and pH w er e
anal y zed on a Cor ni ng 158 pH/bl ood gas anal y zer (Medf i el d, MA) and hem ogl obi n ox ygen
saturati ons on a Radi om eter OSM2 hem ox i m eter (Copenhagen, Denm ar k ).
Ca lc ula tions
9 I I We cal cul ated pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance as the di f f er ence betw een m ean pul m onar y
ar ter i al pr essur e and m ean l ef t atr i al pr essur e di v i ded by pul m onar y bl ood f l ow. J J For the
si x f etuses i n w hi ch w e w er e unabl e to m easur e l ef t atr i al pr essur e f or techni cal r easons,
w e used the m ean val ues obtai ned f r om the other ten f etuses dur i ng the sam e ex per i m ent.
10 KK To cal cul ate pul m onar y and other bl ood f l ow s, w e used the radi onucl i del abel ed
m i cr ospher e m ethod (r ef ). L L Br i ef l y, w e i njected radi onucl i del abel ed m i cr ospher es (sel ected
f r om 5 7 Co, 5 1 Cr, 1 5 3 Gd, 1 1 4 In, 5 4 Mn, 9 5 N b, 1 1 3 Sn, 8 5 Sr, and 6 5 Zn), 15 µm i n di am eter, i nto
the i nf er i or vena cava or i nto the i nf er i or vena cava and the l ef t atr i um . M M Dur i ng the
i njecti on, w e w i thdr ew r ef er ence bl ood sam pl es f r om vessel s pr ox i m al to each or gan gr oup
(pul m onar y ar ter y f or the l ungs, ascendi ng aor ta f or the upper body, and descendi ng aor ta
f or the l ow er body and pl acenta) at a rate of 4 m l /m i n. N N We used thi s r ef er ence f l ow, al ong
w i th r ef er ence radi oacti v i ty counts and al so or gan w ei ghts and counts, to cal cul ate bl ood
f l ow s.
11 O O For cal cul ati on of pul m onar y bl ood f l ow, w e i njected m i cr ospher es i n tw o way s.
P P Dur i ng the basel i ne ex per i m ent, because ther e i s no l ef ttor i ght shunt thr ough the ductus
ar ter i osus (14), w e i njected m i cr ospher es i nto the i nf er i or vena cava and w i thdr ew bl ood
sam pl es f r om the pul m onar y ar ter y. Q Q Thi s i njecti on and w i thdrawal techni que excl udes
br onchi al bl ood f l ow. RR To cal cul ate br onchi al bl ood f l ow, i n si x f etal sheep w e al so i njected
m i cr ospher es i nto the l ef t atr i um dur i ng the basel i ne ex per i m ent. SS We f ound that br onchi al
bl ood f l ow was r el ati vel y constant and qui te sm al l , al way s l ess than 3% of com bi ned
ventr i cul ar output. TT We then subtracted thi s val ue f r om the pul m onar y bl ood f l ow val ues i n
the r em ai ni ng ex per i m ents.
12 UU Dur i ng l ung di stensi on, ox ygenati on, and um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on, w e i njected
m i cr ospher es f or cal cul ati on of pul m onar y bl ood f l ow di f f er entl y. V V The r eason i s that upon
venti l ati on, pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance f al l s and bl ood f l ow i ncr eases dram ati cal l y.
W W Thus, a l ef ttor i ght shunt thr ough the ductus ar ter i osus cannot be excl uded. X X To
cal cul ate pul m onar y bl ood f l ow i n the pr esence of a l ef ttor i ght shunt r equi r es a techni que
that deter m i nes the contr i buti ons of l ef t ventr i cul ar output to pul m onar y bl ood f l ow.
Y Y Ther ef or e,
dur i ng l ung di stensi on, ox ygenati on, and um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on, w e i njected
m i cr ospher es l abel ed w i th di f f er ent radi onucl i des si m ul taneousl y i nto both the i nf er i or vena
cava and the l ef t atr i um and cal cul ated pul m onar y bl ood f l ow as the di f f er ence betw een
com bi ned ventr i cul ar output and the sum of bl ood f l ow s to the f etal body and pl acenta (4).
ZZ Com bi ned ventr i cul ar output was cal cul ated as the sum of l ef t and r i ght ventr i cul ar
outputs. AAA Bl ood f l ow s to the f etal body and pl acenta w er e cal cul ated f r om the l ef t atr i al
i njecti ons and r ef er ence bl ood w i thdrawal s f r om the ascendi ng and descendi ng aor ta (4).
13 B B B U pon com pl eti on of the l ast ex per i m ent, w e gave the ew e a l ethal dose of sodi um
pentobar bi tal , r em oved the f etus f r om the uter us, and w ei ghed i t. C C C To obtai n radi oacti v i ty
counts f or cal cul ati on of pul m onar y bl ood f l ow, w e r em oved and w ei ghed al l or gans and
pl aced them i n f or m al i n. D D D Then w e separatel y car boni zed the or gans i n an oven, gr ound
them i nto a coar se pow der, and pl aced them i n pl asti c v i al s to a uni f or m hei ght of 3 cm .
EEE To count the radi oacti v i ty of the or gans and the r ef er ence bl ood sam pl es, w e used a
1000channel m ul ti channel pul sehei ght anal y zer (N or l and, For t Atk i nson, WI). F F F We
cal cul ated the speci f i c acti v i ty of each i sotope w i thi n a sam pl e by the l eastsquar es m ethod
(13). GGG Fr om the r ef er ence f l ow and radi oacti v i ty counts and the or gan w ei ghts and counts,
w e cal cul ated bl ood f l ow s accor di ng to standar d f or m ul as (r ef ).
Ana lys is of Da ta
14 H H H We anal y zed the data f r om each ex per i m ent by the MannWhi tney U test, com par i ng
onl y the data obtai ned dur i ng one ex per i m ent w i th data obtai ned dur i ng the ex per i m ent
i m m edi atel y pr ecedi ng i t. I I I We consi der ed stati sti cal si gni f i cance pr esent w hen the P val ue
was ≤ 0. 001. J J J Al l data ar e pr esented as m ean ± 1 SD.
Re s ults
1 A Pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance i n the 16 f etal sheep decr eased to 34% of basel i ne val ues
dur i ng l ung di stensi on al one (Fi gur e 1). B It decr eased an addi ti onal 10% dur i ng ox ygenati on.
C It di d not change f ur ther af ter um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on.
2 D These decr eases i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance m ai nl y r ef l ect i ncr eases i n pul m onar y
bl ood f l ow. E Mean pul m onar y bl ood f l ow i ncr eased to f our ti m es the basel i ne val ue dur i ng
l ung di stensi on and to si x ti m es the basel i ne val ue dur i ng ox ygenati on (Tabl e 2). F A doubl i ng
of l ef t atr i al pr essur e al so contr i buted to the decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance
dur i ng l ung di stensi on (Tabl e 2). G A s ma ll but s ignific a nt decr ease i n m ean pul m onar y
ar ter i al pr essur e al so contr i buted to the decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance dur i ng
ox ygenati on.
3 H The i ndi v i dual changes i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow dur i ng the ex per i m ents w er e ex tr em el y
var i abl e (Fi g. 2). I In som e f etuses the m ajor i ty of the i ncr ease occur r ed dur i ng l ung
di stensi on, w her eas i n other s ther e was al m ost no i ncr ease unti l ox ygenati on. J To l ook f or
f actor s that m i ght pr edi ct these di f f er ences i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow, f i r st w e ar bi trar i l y
di v i ded the f etuses i nto m ajor r esponder s (i ncr ease i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow at l east 50% of
the cum ul ati ve i ncr ease over the f our ex per i m ents) and m i nor r esponder s (i ncr ease l ess
than 50% of the cum ul ati ve i ncr ease). K The ei ght m ajor r esponder s had an i ncr ease i n
pul m onar y bl ood f l ow dur i ng l ung di stensi on that was equal to the cum ul ati ve i ncr ease (103
± 52%), w her eas the ei ght m i nor r esponder s had a m uch sm al l er i ncr ease (20 ± 17%).
L Then w e assessed basel i ne var i abl es that m i ght be di f f er ent i n the m ajor and m i nor
r esponder s. M In addi ti on, to see i f the di f f er ence coul d have r esul ted f r om di f f er ences i n the
ul ti m ate vasodi l ati on and pul m onar y bl ood f l ow, w e l ooked at tw o i ndi cator s of vasodi l ati on
and at pul m onar y bl ood f l ow dur i ng ox ygenati on. N N one of these var i abl es show ed
s ta tis tic a lly s ignific a nt di f f er ences betw een the tw o gr oups (Tabl e 3) (unchanged f r om
Tabl e 4 i n the or i gi nal v er si on).
4 O Except f or pO 2 and hem ogl obi n ox ygen saturati on, w hi ch i ncr eased appr opr i atel y dur i ng
ox ygenati on, sy stem i c ar ter i al bl ood gases and hem ogl obi n ox ygen saturati on di d not change
s ignific a ntly dur i ng l ung di stensi on, ox ygenati on, or um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on (Tabl e 4).
Dis c us s ion
1 A Of the thr ee m ajor events that occur at bi r th, r hy thm i c gaseous di stensi on of the l ungs,
ox ygenati on of the l ungs, and um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on, ox ygenati on has been r epor ted to be
the m ajor cause of the decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance that nor m al l y occur s at
bi r th (5–10). B In thi s study i n f etal sheep, w e f ound that di stensi on of the l ungs, not
ox ygenati on, is the ma jor c a us e of thi s decr ease. C In our near ter m f etal sheep i n uter o,
near l y tw othi r ds of the decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance occur r ed dur i ng l ung
di stensi on and the r em ai ni ng onethi r d occur r ed dur i ng ox ygenati on. DNo f ur ther decr ease
occur r ed dur i ng um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on.
2 E The r eason w e f ound a l ar ger decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance dur i ng l ung
di stensi on than pr ev i ousl y r epor ted m ay be that pr ev i ous studi es w er e per f or m ed on acutel y
ex ter i or i zed f etuses (5, 6, 8–10). F An acute str ess such as that caused by the anesthesi a and
sur ger y used to ex ter i or i ze a f etus can gr eatl y al ter pr oducti on and i nhi bi ti on of var i ous
m etabol i c agents, such as pr ostagl andi ns. G Al ter ed pr oducti on and i nhi bi ti on of
pr ostagl andi ns coul d have sl ow ed the rate of decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance i n
those studi es. H Ev i dence f or thi s possi bi l i ty i s that the pr ostagl andi n sy nthesi s i nhi bi tor
i ndom ethaci n has been show n to attenuate thi s decr ease (30). I Fur ther ev i dence i s that
pr ostagl andi n I 2 , a potent pul m onar y vasodi l ator, i s pr oduced i n r esponse to ei ther
m echani cal venti l ati on (20, 21) or br eathi ng (19) i n r ecentl y del i ver ed f etal l am bs. J Gr eater
vasodi l ati on w oul d decr ease pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance. K In addi ti on, the pr oducti on of
pr ostagl andi n E 1 , pr ostagl andi n D 2 , and brady k i ni n and the i nhi bi ti on of l eukotr i enes C 4 and
D 4 m ay af f ect pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance (31). L Thus, the var i abl e but general l y l esser
ef f ects of l ung di stensi on i n the pr ev i ous studi es m ay be ascr i bed to the var i abl e ef f ects of
the study pr otocol s on the m etabol i c m i l i eu of the pul m onar y vascul ar bed.
3 M U nex pectedl y, w e al so f ound gr eat var i abi l i ty i n the r esponse of f etal pul m onar y bl ood
f l ow to the ef f ects of l ung di stensi on. N In onehal f of the f etuses, the m ean i ncr ease i n
pul m onar y bl ood f l ow dur i ng l ung di stensi on was m ax i m al , w her eas i n the other hal f i t was
onl y about 20% of the cum ul ati ve r esponse. O Inter esti ngl y, Cook et al . (11) f ound si m i l ar
var i abi l i ty i n thei r study of ni tr ogen and ai r venti l ati on: of the si x f etuses studi ed, tw o
show ed no ef f ect of ni tr ogen venti l ati on but a l ar ge ef f ect upon changi ng to ai r, tw o show ed
a sm al l ef f ect of ni tr ogen and a l ar ger r esponse to ai r, and tw o show ed a l ar ge i ncr ease i n
pul m onar y bl ood f l ow dur i ng ni tr ogen venti l ati on w i th no f ur ther change upon ex posur e to
ai r. P To ex pl ai n these f i ndi ngs, Cook et al . noted that ni tr ogen had the gr eatest ef f ect on the
sm al l est f etuses. Q How ever, w e w er e unabl e to i denti f y the r easons f or the var i abi l i ty w e
f ound. R It was not on a pur el y ar i thm eti c basi s. S That i s, the m ajor r esponder s di d not begi n
w i th l ow er contr ol f l ow s or have l ow er m ax i m al f l ow s. T In f act, the tw o gr oups had
r em ar k abl y si m i l ar pul m onar y bl ood f l ow s both dur i ng basel i ne m easur em ents and dur i ng
venti l ati on w i th 100% ox ygen. U The gr oups w er e al so not di f f er ent i n thei r overal l m atur i ty,
w i th r espect to ei ther gestati onal age or w ei ght. V In addi ti on, di f f er ences i n pO 2 w er e not
r esponsi bl e f or the di f f er ences betw een m ajor and m i nor r esponder s, si nce both dur i ng
basel i ne m easur em ents and dur i ng l ung di stensi on, the m i nor r esponder s w er e nei ther m or e
hy pox i c nor m or e hy per capni c than the m ajor r esponder s. W Lastl y, adequacy of al veol ar
venti l ati on was pr obabl y not r esponsi bl e f or the di f f er ence betw een the gr oups. X Al though
w e w er e not abl e to deter m i ne the adequacy of al veol ar venti l ati on dur i ng l ung di stensi on,
dur i ng ox ygenati on, pO 2 and pCO 2 val ues w er e si m i l ar i n the tw o gr oups, w i thout the m ethod
of venti l ati on hav i ng been changed i n ei ther gr oup.
4 Y Al though the m ar ked di f f er ence betw een the pul m onar y vasodi l ator y r esponses of the tw o
gr oups of f etuses i s thus unex pl ai ned, thi s di f f er ence m ay have i m por tant i m pl i cati ons.
Z Fi r st, i t m ay be i m por tant i n uncover i ng the m etabol i c pr ocesses r esponsi bl e f or an
i ncom pl ete decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance at bi r th. AA Second, eval uati on of the
concentrati ons and f l uxes of the putati ve m etabol i c agents i nvol ved m ay dem onstrate
di f f er ent f ates of these agents i n m ajor and m i nor r esponder s.
5 B B In sum m ar y, thi s study i n f etal sheep show s that di stensi on of the l ungs, not
ox ygenati on, is the ma jor c a us e of the decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance that
nor m al l y occur s at bi r th. C C How ever, the ef f ect of l ung di stensi on i s var i abl e. D D The
var i abi l i ty i s pr obabl y m edi ated i n par t by al terati ons i n a var i ety of vasoacti ve m etabol i tes.
EE By usi ng an i n uter o pr eparati on to i nvesti gate the m etabol i c di f f er ences betw een f etuses
that do and do not r espond to l ung di stensi on al one, the pr ocesses r esponsi bl e f or an
i ncom pl ete decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance and thus f or the sy ndr om e of
per si stent pul m onar y hy per tensi on of the new bor n m ay be better el uci dated.
CHANGES IN THE PULMONARY CIRCULATION DURING BIRTH

RELATED EVENTS
Abstract
A At bi r th, ther e i s a rapi d and dram ati c decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance, al l ow i ng
pul m onar y bl ood f l ow to i ncr ease and ox ygen exchange to occur i n the l ungs. B Many events ar e
occur r i ng si m ul taneousl y, and those r esponsi bl e f or thi s decr ease i n r esi stance ar e uncer tai n. C To
deter m i ne w hether venti l ati on and ox ygenati on of the f etal l ungs coul d cause thi s decr ease i n
r esi stance, w e studi ed chr oni cal l y i nstr um ented, near ter m sheep f etuses i n uter o. D In 16 f etuses, w e
m easur ed vascul ar pr essur es and i njected radi onucl i del abel ed m i cr ospher es to deter m i ne pul m onar y
bl ood f l ow. E We f ound that venti l ati on of the f etal l ungs w i th a gas m i x tur e that pr oduced no changes
i n ar ter i al bl ood gases caused a l ar ge but var i abl e i ncr ease i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow, to 401% of
contr ol , no change i n pul m onar y ar ter i al pr essur e, and a doubl i ng of l ef t atr i al pr essur e. F Thus,
pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance f el l dram ati cal l y, to 34% of contr ol . G Ox ygenati on
caused a m odest
f ur ther i ncr ease i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow and a decr ease i n m ean pul m onar y ar ter i al pr essur e, so that
r esi stance f el l to 10% of contr ol . H Cor d occl usi on caused no f ur ther changes i n vascul ar pr essur es or
bl ood f l ow, so r esi stance r em ai ned si m i l ar to ox ygenati on l evel s (11% of contr ol ). I The f etuses
appear ed to f al l i nto 2 gr oups w i th r espect to thei r r esponse to venti l ati on: 8 of the 16 devel oped near
m ax i m al i ncr eases i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow dur i ng venti l ati on w i thout ox ygenati on, and the other 8
devel oped an average of onl y 20% of the
P. 326
m ax i m al i ncr ease i n bl ood f l ow dur i ng venti l ati on. J We coul d f i nd no di f f er ences i n the 2 gr oups of
f etuses to ex pl ai n thei r di f f er ent r esponses. K We concl ude that the changes i n pul m onar y vascul ar
r esi stance and bl ood f l ow that occur at bi r th can be achi eved by i n uter o venti l ati on and ox ygenati on.
L Mor eover, m uch of the vasodi l ator y r esponse can be achi eved w i thout an i ncr ease i n f etal pO 2 .
M Investi gati ngthe m etabol i c di f f er ences betw een f etuses that do and do not r espond to venti l ati on
al one m ay hel p to def i ne the m etabol i c pr ocesses i nvol ved i n pul m onar y vasodi l ati on at bi r th.
Introduction
A In the ci r cul ati on of both f etuses and new bor ns, the m ai n r ol e of the r i ght ventr i cl e i s to del i ver
bl ood to the gas exchange ci r cul ati on f or uptake of ox ygen and r em oval of car bon di ox i de. B In the
f etus, thi s del i ver y i s achi eved by v i r tue of the pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance bei ng ver y hi gh. C Ri ght
ventr i cul ar output i s thus di ver ted away f r om the l ungs and towar d the pl acenta, thr ough the ductus
ar ter i osus (1–4). D Im m edi atel y at bi r th, as the l ungs becom e the or gan of gas exchange, pul m onar y
vascul ar r esi stance m ust f al l dram ati cal l y, al l ow i ng pul m onar y bl ood f l ow to i ncr ease and ox ygen
exchange to occur i n the l ungs. E If pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance does not f al l , the sy ndr om e of
per si stent pul m onar y hy per tensi on of the new bor n occur s, of ten l eadi ng to death.
F Whi ch of the m any events that occur at bi r th ar e r esponsi bl e f or the nor m al decr ease i n pul m onar y
vascul ar r esi stance i s not f ul l y under stood. G Thr ee m ajor events of the bi r th pr ocess that coul d be
r esponsi bl e ar e venti l ati on, or r hy thm i c gaseous di stensi on, of the f etal l ungs, ox ygenati on of the
l ungs, and occl usi on of the um bi l i cal cor d. H Tw o of these events—venti l ati on and ox ygenati on—have
been studi ed i n acutel y ex ter i or i zed f etal sheep. I Most of the studi es suggested that ox ygenati on
rather than venti l ati on of the f etal l ungs i s the m ajor event r esponsi bl e f or the decr ease i n pul m onar y
vascul ar r esi stance (5–10). J How ever, the m etabol i c ef f ects of acute anesthesi a and sur ger y m ay have
al ter ed the pul m onar y vascul ar r esponse i n these studi es, because thi s r esponse i s consi der ed to be at
l east par tl y m edi ated by vasoacti ve m etabol i tes. K Al though a change i n ox ygen or car bon di ox i de
concentrati on (11) or i nducti on of a gasl i qui d i nter f ace i n the al veol us (12) each m ay di r ectl y af f ect
pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance, pr oducti on or i nhi bi ti on of var i ous m etabol i c agents pr obabl y pl ay s a
m ajor r ol e i n the pr of ound decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance at bi r th. L Al terati ons in
concentrati on of
P. 327
brady k i ni ns (10, 13), angi otensi n (14, 15), acety l chol i ne (16), and hi stam i ne (17, 18) have al l been
i nvesti gated, but m etabol i tes of arachi doni c aci d have been m ost ex tensi vel y studi ed and ar e
consi der ed to be the pr i nci pal agents i nvol ved. M Of the pr ostanoi ds, PGI 2 i s the m ost potent pul m onar y
vasodi l ator and i s pr oduced i n r esponse to br eathi ng (19) or m echani cal venti l ati on (20, 21).
N Conver sel y,l eukotr i enes ar e potent pul m onar y vasoconstr i ctor s (22–24), and i nhi bi ti on of l eukotr i ene
sy nthesi s dram ati cal l y augm ents pul m onar y bl ood f l ow i n f etal sheep (25).
O The pur pose of thi s study was to deter m i ne w hether the sequenti al ex posur e of the f etus to gaseous
venti l ati on, ox ygenati on, and um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on coul d decr ease pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance to
l evel s seen at bi r th. P To r em ove the super i m posed ef f ects of acute anestheti c and sur gi cal str esses
and of other com ponents of the bi r th pr ocess, such as pr enatal hor m onal sur ges, l abor, del i ver y, and
col d ex posur e, w e studi ed near ter m f etal sheep i n uter o 2–3 day s af ter sur ger y.

Anima ls
1 Si x teen f etal sheep w er e studi ed at 134. 9 ± 1. 2 (SD) day s of gestati on (ter m i s about 145
day s). The f etuses w er e of nor m al w ei ght (3. 6 ± 0. 6 k g) and had nor m al bl ood gases (see
Resul ts) and hem ogl obi n concentrati ons (10. 9 ± 1. 6 g/dl ) at the onset of the study.
Surgic a l P re pa ra tion
2 The sur gi cal pr otocol has been descr i bed pr ev i ousl y (4, 26). Br i ef l y, the ew e under w ent a
m i dl i ne l apar otomy under spi nal (1% tetracai ne hydr ochl or i de) and suppl em ental i ntravenous
(ketam i ne hydr ochl or i de) anesthesi a. The f etus al so r ecei ved l ocal anesthesi a (0. 25% l i docai ne
hydr ochl or i de) f or each sk i n i nci si on. Thr ough a sm al l uter i ne i nci si on, the f etal hi nd l i m bs w er e
ex posed i ndi v i dual l y and pol y v i ny l catheter s w er e advanced to the descendi ng aor ta and i nf er i or
vena cava v i a each pedal ar ter y and vei n. Tw o catheter s w er e al so advanced i nto the m ai n
um bi l i cal vei n v i a a per i pheral tr i butar y l ocal i zed f r om the sam e uter i ne i nci si on. Thi s i nci si on
was cl osed af ter pl acem ent of a l ar ge pol y v i ny l catheter i n the am ni oti c cav i ty f or zer o pr essur e
r ef er ence. A second uter i ne i nci si on was then m ade over the l ef t chest. A l ef t l ateral thoracotomy
was per f or m ed and catheter s w er e pl aced i n the ascendi ng aor ta v i a the i nter nal thoraci c ar ter y
and di r ectl y i n the
P. 328
pul m onar y ar ter y and l ef t atr i um usi ng a needl ecannul a assem bl y (27). An 8F m ul ti pl e si dehol e
pol y v i ny l catheter was l ef t i n the pl eural cav i ty f or drai nage. The thoracotomy was cl osed and a
m i dl i ne i nci si on was m ade i n the neck . The trachea was ex posed and l i gated pr ox i m al l y, and an
endotracheal tube (4. 5 m m ID) was i nser ted di r ectl y and advanced to the r egi on of the car i na.
The tube was attached to tw o pi eces of 12F pol y v i ny l tubi ng v i a a Y connector and f i l l ed w i th
0. 9% N aCl sol uti on. One pi ece of tubi ng was seal ed and the other was connected to another pi ece
of 12F tubi ng that was pl aced i n the am ni oti c cav i ty, to al l ow f r ee drai nage of tracheal f l ui d
postoperati vel y. The neck i nci si on was cl osed. The um bi l i cal cor d was then l ocated and a si l i cone
r ubber bal l oon occl uder was pl aced ar ound i t, just di stal to the abdom en. Anti bi oti cs (400 m g of
k anamyci n sul f ate and 1 m i l l i on uni ts of peni ci l l i n G potassi um ) w er e i nsti l l ed i n the am ni oti c
cav i ty and 0. 9% war m ed sal i ne was added to r epl ace l oss of am ni oti c f l ui d. The uter i ne i nci si on
was cl osed. Al l vascul ar catheter s w er e f i l l ed w i th hepar i n sodi um (1000 uni ts/m l ), seal ed, and
ex ter i or i zed al ong w i th the other tubi ng to the l ef t f l ank of the ew e. The abdom i nal i nci si on was
cl osed i n l ayer s and the ew e was r etur ned to the cage f or r ecover y. Anti bi oti cs (400 m g of
k anamyci n sul f ate and 1 m i l l i on uni ts of peni ci l l i n G potassi um ) w er e adm i ni ster ed i ntravenousl y
to the ew e and i nto the am ni oti c cav i ty dai l y.
Study De s ign
3 Four ex per i m ents w er e per f or m ed i n the sequence pr esented bel ow. Each ex per i m ent was
per f or m ed at l east 15 m i nutes af ter pr essur es and bl ood gases had stabi l i zed.
Contr ol
4 The ew e was pl aced i n a study cage and al l ow ed f r ee access to al f al f a pel l ets and water. Dur i ng
al l 4 ex per i m ents, af ter vascul ar catheter s w er e connected to Statham P23Db strai ngauge
transducer s (Statham Instr um ents, Ox nar d, CA), pr essur es w er e r ecor ded conti nuousl y on a
di r ectw r i ti ng pol ygraph (Beck m an Instr um ents, San Jose, CA). For contr ol ex per i m ents, f etal
bl ood sam pl es w er e obtai ned f r om the ascendi ng aor ta f or deter m i nati on of pH, pCO 2 , and pO 2
(Cor ni ng 158 pH/bl ood gas anal y zer, Medf i el d, MA), and of hem ogl obi n concentrati on and
hem ogl obi n ox ygen saturati on (Radi om eter OSM2 hem ox i m eter, Copenhagen, Denm ar k ).
Radi onucl i del abel ed m i cr ospher es (sel ected f r om 5 7 Co, 5 1 Cr, 1 5 3 Gd, 1 1 4 In, 5 4 Mn, 9 5 N b, 1 1 3 Sn,
8 5 Sr, and 6 5 Zn),
P. 329
15 µm i n di am eter, w er e then i njected i nto the i nf er i or vena cava w hi l e r ef er ence bl ood sam pl es
w er e w i thdraw n f r om the ascendi ng aor ta, descendi ng aor ta, and pul m onar y ar ter y at a rate of 4
m l /m i n. Fetal or m ater nal bl ood was then gi ven to r epl ace the bl ood l oss.
Venti l ati on
5 The 2 pol y v i ny l tubes connected to the tracheal tube w er e opened and the tracheal f l ui d was
al l ow ed to drai n by grav i ty. A m i x tur e of ni tr ogen, ox ygen, and car bon di ox i de was bal anced to
m atch the f etal bl ood gases obtai ned dur i ng the contr ol ex per i m ent. The gas m i x tur e was
appr ox i m atel y 92% ni tr ogen, 3% ox ygen, and 5% car bon di ox i de. Bef or e venti l ati on was begun,
thi s gas m i x tur e was br i ef l y al l ow ed to f l ow thr ough the pol y v i ny l tubi ng at a rate of about 10
L/m i n so that the f etus w oul d not be ex posed to hi gh concentrati ons of ox ygen at the onset of
venti l ati on. The tubi ng was then connected to a speci al l y desi gned r espi rator, and venti l ati on was
adjusted as descr i bed pr ev i ousl y (26). Venti l ator y setti ngs ar e pr esented i n Tabl e 1. Af ter
var i abl es stabi l i zed, bl ood sam pl es w er e obtai ned as f or the contr ol and tw o sets of radi onucl i de
l abel ed m i cr ospher es w er e i njected, one i nto the i nf er i or vena cava and the other i nto the l ef t
atr i um , dur i ng w i thdrawal of r ef er ence bl ood sam pl es as descr i bed f or the contr ol . Repl acem ent
bl ood was then i nf used i nto the f etus.
TABLE 1. Ventilatory settings for variables in the fetal sheep

during ventilation, oxygenation, and umbilical cord occlusion
Va ria ble Ve ntila tion a Ox yge na tion Cord Oc c lus ion
Respi rator y rate 50 ± 8 (15) b 57 ± 12 (13) 57 ± 13 (11)

(br eaths/m i n)
Peak i nspi rator y pr essur e c 27 ± 10 (15) 26 ± 9 (14) 25 ± 9 (12)

(m m Hg)
End ex pi rator y pr essur e c 3 ± 6 (15) 4 ± 6 (14) 4 ± 6 (12)

(m m Hg)
aDur i ng venti l ati on, f etuses r ecei ved a m i x tur e of ni tr ogen, ox ygen, and car bon di ox i de
bal anced to m atch thei r bl ood gases dur i ng the contr ol ex per i m ent.
b Data ar e m ean ± 1 SD f or the num ber of f etuses gi ven i n par entheses. Ther e w er e no
stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant di f f er ences betw een ex per i m ents f or any of the var i abl es.
c Pr essur es ar e r ef er enced to am ni oti c cav i ty pr essur e.
Ox y genati on
6 The gas m i x tur e was then changed to 100% ox ygen and venti l ati on was conti nued. Car bon
di ox i de was not added to the ox ygen because i ts addi ti on
P. 330
i n the f i r st f ew studi es i ncr eased f etal pCO 2 . Thi s i ncr ease pr obabl y occur r ed because pl acental
bl ood f l ow f el l dur i ng ox ygenati on (4), i m pai r i ng car bon di ox i de r em oval . Af ter var i abl es
stabi l i zed, m i cr ospher es w er e i njected i nto the i nf er i or vena cava and the l ef t atr i um , bl ood
sam pl es w er e obtai ned, and r epl acem ent bl ood was i nf used.
U m bi l i cal Cor d Occl usi on
7 The bal l oon ar ound the um bi l i cal cor d was f ul l y i nf l ated to occl ude the um bi l i cal bl ood vessel s
and thus abol i sh pl acental bl ood f l ow (4). Af ter var i abl es stabi l i zed, the ex per i m ental pr otocol
was r epeated. In 4 of the 16 f etuses, cor d occl usi on coul d not be studi ed, because of a f aul ty
bal l oon i n 2 and the devel opm ent of pneum othoraces, w hi ch l ed to car di ovascul ar
decom pensati on, i n 2.
8 U pon com pl eti on of the l ast ex per i m ent, the ew e was k i l l ed by i njecti on of l ar ge doses of
sodi um pentobar bi tal and the f etus was r em oved f r om the uter us and w ei ghed. The l ungs w er e
r em oved f r om the car cass, and the l ungs and car cass w er e separatel y w ei ghed and pl aced i n
f or m al i n. They w er e then separatel y car boni zed i n an oven, gr ound i nto a coar se pow der, and
pl aced i n pl asti c v i al s to a uni f or m hei ght of 3 cm . Radi oacti v i ty of the l ungs and r ef er ence bl ood
sam pl es was counted i n a 1000channel m ul ti channel pul sehei ght anal y zer (N or l and, For t
Atk i nson, WI). Speci f i c acti v i ty of each i sotope w i thi n a sam pl e was cal cul ated by the l east
squar es m ethod (28).
Ca lc ula tions
9 Dur i ng the contr ol ex per i m ent, because ther e i s no l ef ttor i ght shunt thr ough the ductus
ar ter i osus (29), pul m onar y bl ood f l ow was m easur ed by i njecti ng m i cr ospher es i nto the i nf er i or
vena cava and w i thdraw i ng bl ood sam pl es f r om the pul m onar y ar ter y. Thi s i njecti on and
w i thdrawal techni que excl udes br onchi al f l ow. In 6 f etuses w e al so i njected m i cr ospher es i nto the
l ef t atr i um dur i ng the contr ol ex per i m ent. We f ound that br onchi al f l ow was r el ati vel y constant
and qui te sm al l , al way s l ess than 3% of com bi ned ventr i cul ar output. We then subtracted thi s
val ue f r om the pul m onar y bl ood f l ow m easur em ents i n the r em ai ni ng ex per i m ents.
10 U pon venti l ati on, pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance f al l s and bl ood f l ow i ncr eases dram ati cal l y.
Thus, a l ef ttor i ght shunt thr ough the ductus ar ter i osus cannot be excl uded. To m easur e
pul m onar y bl ood f l ow i n the pr esence of a l ef ttor i ght shunt r equi r es a techni que that
deter m i nes the contr i buti on of
P. 331
l ef t ventr i cul ar output to pul m onar y bl ood f l ow. Ther ef or e, dur i ng venti l ati on, ox ygenati on, and
um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on, w e i njected m i cr ospher es l abel ed w i th di f f er ent radi onucl i des
si m ul taneousl y i nto both the i nf er i or vena cava and the l ef t atr i um and cal cul ated pul m onar y
bl ood f l ow as the di f f er ence betw een com bi ned ventr i cul ar output and the sum of bl ood f l ow s to
the f etal body and pl acenta (4). Com bi ned ventr i cul ar output was cal cul ated as the sum of l ef t
and r i ght ventr i cul ar outputs. Bl ood f l ow s to f etal body and pl acenta w er e cal cul ated f r om the l ef t
atr i al i njecti ons and r ef er ence bl ood w i thdrawal s f r om the ascendi ng and descendi ng aor ta (4).
11 Pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance was cal cul ated as the di f f er ence betw een m ean pul m onar y
ar ter i al pr essur e and m ean l ef t atr i al pr essur e di v i ded by pul m onar y bl ood f l ow. For the 6 f etuses
i n w hi ch w e w er e unabl e to m easur e l ef t atr i al pr essur e f or techni cal r easons, w e used the m ean
val ues obtai ned f r om the other f etuses dur i ng the sam e ex per i m ent.
Ana lys is of Da ta
12 In thi s study, w e assessed the sequenti al ef f ects of venti l ati on, ox ygenati on, and um bi l i cal
cor d occl usi on. Deter m i nati on of thei r i ndependent ef f ects was not possi bl e because the or der of
the ex per i m ents coul d not be random i zed. One r eason i s that w e w er e concer ned that ox ygenati on
of the f etal l ungs m i ght i nduce m ul ti pl e and per haps i r r ever si bl e m etabol i c and hem ody nam i c
consequences, so that subsequent venti l ati on w i thout ox ygenati on coul d not be studi ed. Another
r eason i s that the um bi l i cal cor d cannot be occl uded bef or e ox ygenati on. Thus, the study desi gn
i s com posed of 4 sequenti al ex per i m ents, each ser v i ng as the contr ol f or the nex t. Data f r om
each of these ex per i m ents w er e anal y zed by the MannWhi tney U test, com par i ng onl y the data
obtai ned dur i ng one ex per i m ent w i th data obtai ned dur i ng the ex per i m ent i m m edi atel y pr ecedi ng
i t. Stati sti cal si gni f i cance was consi der ed pr esent w hen the P val ue was ≤ 0. 01. Al l data ar e
pr esented as m ean ± 1 SD.
Results
1 Sy stem i c ar ter i al bl ood gases and hem ogl obi n ox ygen saturati on w er e nor m al i n the contr ol
ex per i m ent, and di d not change dur i ng venti l ati on al one (Tabl e 2). Ox ygenati on caused a l ar ge
i ncr ease i n pO 2 and hem ogl obi n ox ygen saturati on, but di d not change pH or pCO 2 . Cor d occl usi on
di d not change these var i abl es si gni f i cantl y, but ther e was m uch gr eater var i abi l i ty
P. 332
i n pCO 2 and pH, pr obabl y because of the i nabi l i ty of som e f etuses to m ai ntai n adequate CO 2
exchange i n the l ungs, because of pul m onar y i m m atur i ty.
TABLE 2. Ascending aortic pH, blood gases, and hemoglobin

oxygen saturations during the experiments
Va ria ble Control Ve ntila tion Ox yge na tion Cord Oc c lus ion
pH 7. 37 ± 0. 06 7. 35 ± 0. 07 7. 34 ± 0. 09 7. 29 ± 0. 15
(15) a (16) (16) (13)
pO 2 (m m Hg) 18 ± 3 (15) 19 ± 4 (16) 215 ± 154* 263 ± 168

(16) (13)
pCO 2 (m m Hg) 55 ± 6 (15) 54 ± 6 (16) 51 ± 10 (16) 58 ± 21 (12)
Hgb O 2 sat b 47 ± 13 (16) 46 ± 12 (16) 97 ± 6* (16) 95 ± 10 (16)
(%)
a Data ar e m ean ± 1 SD f or f our sequenti al ex per i m ents on the num ber of f etal sheep
gi ven i n par entheses.
b Hgb O 2 sat., hem ogl obi n ox ygen saturati on.
* Si gni f i cantl y di f f er ent f r om the val ue dur i ng the i m m edi atel y pr ecedi ng ex per i m ent, P
≤ 0. 01.
2 Pul m onar y bl ood f l ow i n the contr ol ex per i m ent (33 ± 17 m l /m i n/k g f etal body w ei ght) was
si m i l ar to that pr ev i ousl y m easur ed i n chr oni cal l y i nstr um ented f etuses of si m i l ar gestati onal
ages (2, 3), consti tuti ng 9% of com bi ned ventr i cul ar output (Fi gur e 1). It i ncr eased dram ati cal l y
dur i ng venti l ati on al one, to 401% of contr ol val ues (133 ± 94 m l /m i n/k g f etal body w ei ght). The
var i abi l i ty of thi s i ncr ease i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow was m ar ked, how ever, w hi ch l ed us to
separate the f etuses i nto 2 gr oups, as descr i bed bel ow. Ox ygenati on i ncr eased pul m onar y bl ood
f l ow f ur ther, to a m ean of 623% of contr ol (206 ± 64 m l /m i n/k g f etal body w ei ght). U m bi l i cal
cor d occl usi on di d not cause any f ur ther change i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow (190 ± 69 m l /m i n/k g
f etal body w ei ght).
Fi gur e 1. Pul m onar y

bl ood f l ow dur i ng
sequenti al venti l ati on,
ox ygenati on, and
um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on
i n the 16 f etal sheep.
Data ar e m ean ± 1 SD.
*P ≤ 0. 001, P ≤ 0. 005
v s. the ex per i m ent
i m m edi atel y pr ecedi ng
i t.
P. 333
3 Mean pul m onar y ar ter i al pr essur e was nor m al i n the contr ol ex per i m ent and di d not change
dur i ng venti l ati on (Tabl e 3). Ther e was a sm al l but si gni f i cant decr ease i n pr essur e dur i ng
ox ygenati on. Because thi s decr ease was si m i l ar to that seen i n m ean sy stem i c ar ter i al pr essur e,
i t can not be ex pl ai ned by par ti al cl osur e of the ductus ar ter i osus. Ther e was no f ur ther change i n
m ean pul m onar y or m ean sy stem i c ar ter i al pr essur e af ter um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on. Lef t atr i al
pr essur e coul d be m easur ed i n onl y 10 f etuses f or techni cal r easons. In associ ati on w i th the l ar ge
i ncr ease i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow dur i ng venti l ati on al one, m ean l ef t atr i al pr essur e doubl ed
(Tabl e 3). It di d not change f ur ther dur i ng ox ygenati on or cor d occl usi on. Pul m onar y vascul ar
r esi stance decr eased dram ati cal l y (to 34% of contr ol val ues) dur i ng venti l ati on al one (f r om 1. 93
± 1. 31 to 0. 66 ± 0. 90 m m Hg · m i n · k g/m l ), decr eased f ur ther dur i ng ox ygenati on (to 10% of
contr ol ; 0. 20 ± 0. 77 m m Hg · m i n · k g/m l ), and di d not change f ur ther af ter cor d occl usi on (11%;
0. 22 ± 0. 11 m m Hg · m i n · k g/m l ) (Fi gur e 2).
TABLE 3. Mean vascular pressures during the experiments
P re s s ure a Control Ve ntila tion Ox yge na tion Cord Oc c lus ion
Pul m onar y ar ter i al
pr essur e (m m Hg) 53 ± 8 (15) b 55 ± 9 (15) 47 ± 6* (15) 48 ± 16 (12)
Sy stem i c ar ter i al
pr essur e (m m Hg) 52 ± 6 (15) 53 ± 6 (15) 48 ± 6* (15) 58 ± 16 (12)
Lef t atr i al pr essur e
(m m Hg) 4 ± 5 (12) 9 ± 4* (10) 10 ± 5 (10) 9 ± 5 (7)
a Pr essur es ar e r ef er enced to am ni oti c cav i ty pr essur e.

b Data ar e m ean ± 1 SD f or the num ber of f etal sheep gi ven i n par entheses.
≤ 0. 01.
Ma jor vs . Minor Re s ponde rs during Ve ntila tion Alone

4 The i ndi v i dual changes i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow w er e ex tr em el y var i abl e (Fi gur e 3). In som e
f etuses the m ajor i ty of the i ncr ease occur r ed dur i ng venti l ati on al one, w her eas i n other s ther e
was al m ost no i ncr ease unti l ox ygenati on. Thi s f i ndi ng l ed us to separate the f etuses accor di ng to
thei r r esponse to venti l ati on and ex am i ne the r easons f or thi s var i abi l i ty. We ar bi trar i l y di v i ded
the f etuses i nto 2 gr oups: m ajor r esponder s, w hi ch show ed an i ncr ease i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow
dur i ng venti l ati on al one that was at l east 50% of the cum ul ati ve i ncr ease (the di f f er ence betw een
pul m onar y bl ood f l ow dur i ng contr ol m easur em ents and af ter cor d occl usi on), and m i nor
r esponder s, w hi ch show ed an i ncr ease of l ess than 50%. Inter esti ngl y, 8 f etuses w er e m ajor
r esponder s
P. 334
and 8 w er e m i nor r esponder s. The m ajor r esponder s had an i ncr ease i n f l ow dur i ng venti l ati on
that was equal to the cum ul ati ve i ncr ease (103 ± 52%), w her eas the m i nor r esponder s had a
m uch sm al l er i ncr ease (20 ± 17%).
Fi gur e 2.
Pul m onar y
vascul ar
r esi stance
dur i ng
sequenti al
venti l ati on,
ox ygenati on,
and
um bi l i cal
cor d
occl usi on i n
the 16 f etal
sheep. Data
ar e m ean ±
1 SD. *P ≤
0. 001 v s.
the
ex per i m ent
i m m edi atel y
pr ecedi ng i t.
Fi gur e 3. Indi v i dual

changes i n pul m onar y
bl ood f l ow i n each of the
16 f etal sheep dur i ng
sequenti al venti l ati on,
ox ygenati on, and
um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on.
5 We ex am i ned the m easur ed var i abl es that coul d have caused thi s di spar i ty betw een the m ajor
and m i nor r esponder s (Tabl e 4). N one of those var i abl es show ed stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant
di f f er ences betw een the 2 gr oups (Tabl e 4). Indi ces of m atur i ty and postoperati ve stabi l i ty
(gestati onal age, w ei ght, and day s af ter sur ger y ), of i ni ti al pul m onar y vascul ar tone (contr ol pH
and bl ood
P. 335
gases and pul m onar y bl ood f l ow and pr essur e), of ventr i cul ar f uncti on (com bi ned ventr i cul ar
output), and of adequacy of al veol ar venti l ati on dur i ng ox ygenati on (bl ood gases and pul m onar y
bl ood f l ow dur i ng ox ygenati on) w er e r em ar k abl y si m i l ar. Adequacy of al veol ar venti l ati on dur i ng
venti l ati on al one (w i thout ox ygenati on) coul d not be assessed, al though ther e was no change i n
the m ethod of venti l ati on i n ei ther gr oup w hen ox ygenati on was establ i shed. Of those f etuses i n
w hi ch sex was r ecor ded, the m ajor i ty i n both gr oups w er e f em al e (6 of 7 of the m ajor
r esponder s, 4 of 6 of the m i nor r esponder s).
TABLE 4. Comparisons of variables in major and minor

responders a during the control experiment and oxygenation
Va ria ble Ma jor re s ponde rs Minor re s ponde rs
Gestati onal age at study 135 ± 1 (7) b 135 ± 1 (8)

(day s)
Wei ght (k g) 3. 5 ± 0. 6 (8) 3. 8 ± 0. 6 (8)
Day s af ter sur ger y 2. 3 ± 0. 7 (8) 2. 0 ± 0. 0 (8)
Contr ol
pH 7. 37 ± 0. 07 (8) 7. 39 ± 0. 03 (7)
pO 2 (m m Hg) 18 ± 2 (8) 18 ± 3 (7)
pCO 2 (m m Hg) 55 ± 6 (8) 54 ± 6 (7)
Pul m onar y bl ood f l ow 33 ± 19 (8) 33 ± 15 (7)

(m l /m i n/k g)
Mean pul m onar y ar ter i al 53 ± 12 (7) 53 ± 4 (8)

pr essur e (m m Hg)
Com bi ned ventr i cul ar output 401 ± 84 (8) 378 ± 69 (8)

(m l /m i n/k g)
Ox ygenati on
pO 2 (m m Hg) 215 ± 150 (8) 215 ± 168 (8)
pCO 2 (m m Hg) 52 ± 11 (8) 49 ± 10 (8)
Pul m onar y bl ood f l ow 195 ± 76 (8) 217 ± 52 (8)

(m l /m i n/k g)
a Major r esponder s had i ncr eases i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow ≥ 50% of the cum ul ati ve
i ncr ease dur i ng the study. Mi nor r esponder s had i ncr eases < 50%.
b Data ar e m ean ± 1 SD f or the num ber of f etal sheep gi ven i n par entheses. N o
di f f er ence betw een gr oups was stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant.
Discussion
1 A Thr ee m ajor events of the bi r th pr ocess ar e venti l ati on, or r hy thm i c gaseous di stensi on of the
l ungs, ox ygenati on, and l oss of the um bi l i cal –pl acental ci r cul ati on. B We f ound that venti l ati on and
ox ygenati on together can account f or the decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance, and thus f or
the l ar ge i ncr ease i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow, that nor m al l y occur at bi r th. C Mor eover, on average,
near l y tw othi r ds of the i ncr ease i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow occur r ed dur i ng venti l ati on al one.
P. 336
2 D Our f i ndi ng that about tw othi r ds of the decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance occur s
dur i ng venti l ati on al one i s m uch l ar ger than the pr ev i ousl y accepted val ue of about onethi r d (6).
E The r eason w e f ound a l ar ger decr ease than pr ev i ousl y accepted m ay be that pr ev i ous studi es
w er e per f or m ed on acutel y ex ter i or i zed f etuses (5, 6, 8–10). F An acute str ess such as that
caused by the anesthesi a and sur ger y used to ex ter i or i ze a f etus can gr eatl y al ter pr oducti on and
i nhi bi ti on of var i ous m etabol i c agents. G Al ter ed m etabol i te pr oducti on and i nhi bi ti on coul d have
sl ow ed the rate of decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance dur i ng the second phase of the
decr ease (30) i n those studi es. H Ev i dence f or thi s possi bi l i ty i s that the pr ostagl andi n sy nthesi s
i nhi bi tor i ndom ethaci n has been show n to attenuate thi s sl ow second phase of the decr ease,
w hi ch l asts f or 10–20 m i nutes af ter the rapi d f i r st phase (30). I (In contrast, the f i r st phase, a
rapi d decr ease that l asts f or onl y 30 seconds, i s not al ter ed by i ndom ethaci n but m ay be al ter ed
by di r ect m echani cal ef f ects of venti l ati on: the establ i shm ent of a gasl i qui d i nter f ace i n the
al veol i m ay decr ease per i vascul ar pr essur es and thus di stend the sm al l ar ter i ol es and decr ease
r esi stance (30). ) J Fur ther ev i dence that pr ostagl andi n m etabol i tes ar e i m por tant i n the decr ease
of pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance i s that pr ostagl andi n I 2 , a potent pul m onar y vasodi l ator, i s
pr oduced i n r esponse to ei ther m echani cal venti l ati on (20, 21) or br eathi ng (19) i n r ecentl y
del i ver ed f etal l am bs. K In addi ti on, the pr oducti on of pr ostagl andi n E 1 , pr ostagl andi n D 2 , and
brady k i ni n and the i nhi bi ti on of l eukotr i enes C 4 and D 4 m ay af f ect pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance
(31). L Thus, the var i abl e but general l y l esser ef f ects of venti l ati on al one i n the pr ev i ous studi es
m ay be ascr i bed to the var i abl e ef f ects of the study pr otocol s on the m etabol i c m i l i eu of the
pul m onar y vascul ar bed.
3 M We al so f ound gr eat var i abi l i ty i n the r esponse of f etal pul m onar y bl ood f l ow to the ef f ects of
venti l ati on al one. N In onehal f of the f etuses, the m ean i ncr ease i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow dur i ng
venti l ati on al one was m ax i m al , w her eas i n the other hal f i t was onl y about 20% of the cum ul ati ve
r esponse. O Inter esti ngl y, Cook et al . (11) f ound si m i l ar var i abi l i ty i n thei r study of ni tr ogen and
ai r venti l ati on: of the 6 f etuses studi ed, 2 show ed no ef f ect of ni tr ogen venti l ati on but a l ar ge
ef f ect upon changi ng to ai r, 2 show ed a sm al l ef f ect of ni tr ogen and a l ar ger r esponse to ai r, and
2 show ed a l ar ge i ncr ease i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow dur i ng ni tr ogen venti l ati on w i th no f ur ther
change upon ex posur e to ai r. P To ex pl ai n these f i ndi ngs, Cook et al .
P. 337
noted that ni tr ogen had the gr eatest ef f ect on the sm al l est f etuses. Q How ever, w e w er e unabl e to
i denti f y the r easons f or the var i abi l i ty w e f ound. R It was not on a pur el y ar i thm eti c basi s. S That
i s, the m ajor r esponder s di d not begi n w i th l ow er contr ol f l ow s or have l ow er m ax i m al f l ow s. T In
f act, the 2 gr oups had r em ar k abl y si m i l ar pul m onar y bl ood f l ow s both dur i ng contr ol
m easur em ents and dur i ng venti l ati on w i th 100% ox ygen. U The gr oups w er e al so not di f f er ent i n
thei r overal l m atur i ty, w i th r espect to ei ther gestati onal age or w ei ght. V In addi ti on, di f f er ences
i n pO 2 w er e not r esponsi bl e f or the di f f er ences betw een m ajor and m i nor r esponder s, si nce both
dur i ng contr ol m easur em ents and dur i ng venti l ati on al one, the m i nor r esponder s w er e nei ther
m or e hy pox i c nor m or e hy per capni c than the m ajor r esponder s. W Lastl y, adequacy of al veol ar
venti l ati on was pr obabl y not r esponsi bl e f or the di f f er ence betw een the gr oups. X Al though w e
w er e not abl e to deter m i ne the adequacy of al veol ar venti l ati on dur i ng venti l ati on al one, dur i ng
ox ygenati on, pO 2 and pCO 2 val ues w er e si m i l ar i n the 2 gr oups, w i thout the m ethod of venti l ati on
hav i ng been changed i n ei ther gr oup.
4 Y The m ar ked di f f er ence betw een the pul m onar y vasodi l ator y r esponses of the 2 gr oups of
f etuses i s thus unex pl ai ned, but thi s di f f er ence m ay have i m por tant i m pl i cati ons f or f utur e
studi es. Z Fi r st, i t m ay be i m por tant i n uncover i ng the m etabol i c pr ocesses r esponsi bl e f or an
i ncom pl ete decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance at bi r th. AA Second, eval uati on of the
concentrati ons and f l uxes of the putati ve m etabol i c agents i nvol ved m ay dem onstrate di f f er ent
f ates of these agents i n m ajor and m i nor r esponder s. B B How ever, car ef ul eval uati on of l ung
m echani cs i s cr i ti cal i n f utur e studi es to ensur e that the di f f er ences betw een the r esponses of the
pul m onar y vascul ar bed ar e not caused sol el y by di f f er ences i n pul m onar y f uncti on. C C In thi s
r egar d, i t w oul d be of i nter est to deter m i ne w hether stati c gaseous di stensi on of the l ungs (that
i s, di stensi on w i thout venti l ati on) can i nduce a si m i l ar decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar
r esi stance. D D Stati c di stensi on does i ncr ease l ung com pl i ance i n f etal sheep (32) and has been
show n to decr ease pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance to som e degr ee i n acutel y ex ter i or i zed f etal
sheep (12).
5 EE In sum m ar y, the changes i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance and bl ood f l ow that ar e cr i ti cal to
the adaptati on of the f etus to the postnatal env i r onm ent can be achi eved by i n uter o venti l ati on
and ox ygenati on.
F F Mor eover, m uch of the vasodi l ator y r esponse can be achi eved w i thout an i ncr ease i n f etal pO 2 .
GG Thi s ef f ect i s var i abl e.
H H The var i abi l i ty i s pr obabl y m edi ated i n

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par t by al terati ons i n a var i ety of vasoacti ve m etabol i tes.
I I By usi ng an i n uter o pr eparati on to i nvesti gate the m etabol i c di f f er ences betw een f etuses that
do and do not r espond to venti l ati on al one, the pr ocesses r esponsi bl e f or the sy ndr om e of
per si stent pul m onar y hy per tensi on of the new bor n m ay be better el uci dated.
References
1. Reuss ML, Rudol ph AM. Di str i buti on and r eci r cul ati on of um bi l i cal and sy stem i c venous bl ood
f l ow i n f etal l am bs dur i ng hy pox i a. J Dev Phy si ol 1980;2:71–84.
2. Ander son DF, Bi ssonnette JM, Faber JJ, Thor nbur g KL. Central shunt f l ow s and pr essur es i n the
m atur e f etal l am b. Am J Phy si ol 1981; 241:H60–6.
3. Hey m ann MA, Cr easy RK, Rudol ph AM. Quanti tati on of bl ood f l ow patter ns i n the f oetal l am b i n
uter o. In: Foetal and neonatal phy si ol ogy : pr oceedi ngs of the Si r Joseph Bar cr of t centenar y
sy m posi um . Cam br i dge: Cam br i dge U ni ver si ty Pr ess, 1973:129–35.
4. Tei tel DF, Iwam oto HS, Rudol ph AM. Ef f ects of bi r thr el ated events on central bl ood f l ow
patter ns. Pedi atr Res 1987;22:557–66.
5. Lauer RM, Evans JA, Aok i H, Ki ttl e CF. Factor s contr ol l i ng pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance i n f etal
l am bs. J Pedi atr 1965;67:568–77.
6. Daw es GS, Mott JC, Wi ddi com be JG, Wyatt DG. Changes i n the l ungs of the newbor n l am b. J
Phy si ol 1953;121:141–62.
7. Daw es GS. The pul m onar y ci r cul ati on i n the f oetus and new bor n. In: Foetal and neonatal
phy si ol ogy : a com parati ve study of the changes at bi r th. Chi cago: Year book Medi cal Publ i sher s,
1968:79–90.
8. Cassi n S, Daw es GS, Mott JC, Ross BB, Strang LB. The vascul ar r esi stance of the f oetal and
new l y venti l ated l ung of the l am b. J Phy si ol 1964;171: 61–79.
9. Assal i N S, Ki r schbaum TH, Di l ts PV Jr. Ef f ects of hy per bar i c ox ygen on uter opl acental and f etal
ci r cul ati on. Ci r c Res 1968;22:573–88.
10. Hey m ann MA, Rudol ph AM, N i es AS, Mel m on KL. Brady k i ni n pr oducti on associ ated w i th
ox ygenati on of the f etal l am b. Ci r c Res 1969; 25:521–34.
11. Cook CD, Dr i nker PA, Jacobson HN , Lev i son H, Strang LB. Contr ol of pul m onar y bl ood f l ow i n
the f oetal and new l y bor n l am b. J Phy si ol 1963;169:10–29.
12. Col ebatch HJH, Daw es GS, Goodw i n JW, N adeau RA. The ner vous contr ol of the ci r cul ati on i n
the f oetal and new l y ex panded l ungs of the l am b. J Phy si ol 1965;178:544–62.
13. Cam pbel l AGM, Cock bur n F, Daw es GS, Mi l l i gan JE. Pul m onar y vasoconstr i cti on i n asphy x i a
dur i ng cr ossci r cul ati on betw een tw i n f oetal l am bs. J Phy si ol 1967;192:111–21.
14. Hy m an A, Hey m ann M, Lev i n D, Rudol ph A. Angi otensi n i s not the m edi ator of hy pox i ai nduced
pul m onar y vasoconstr i cti on i n f etal l am bs [Abstract]. Ci r cul ati on 1975;52 (Suppl II):132.
15. Dav i dson D, Stal cup SA, Mel l i ns RB. Angi otensi nconver ti ng enzy m e acti v i ty and i ts m odul ati on
by ox ygen tensi on i n the gui nea pi g f etal pl acental uni t. Ci r c Res 1981;48:286–91.
P. 339
16. Lew i s AB, Hey m ann MA, Rudol ph AM. Gestati onal changes i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esponses i n
f etal l am bs i n uter o. Ci r c Res 1976; 39:536–41.
17. Cassi n S, Daw es GS, Ross BB. Pul m onar y bl ood f l ow and vascul ar r esi stance i n i m m atur e f oetal
l am bs. J Phy si ol 1964;171:80–9.
18. Goetzm an BW, Mi l stei n JM. Pul m onar y vascul ar hi stam i ne r eceptor s i n new bor n and young
l am bs. J Appl Phy si ol 1980;49:380–85.
19. Lef f l er CW, Hessl er JR, Gr een RS. The onset of br eathi ng at bi r th sti m ul ates pul m onar y
vascul ar pr ostacycl i n sy nthesi s. Pedi atr Res 1984;18: 938–42.
20. Lef f l er CW, Hessl er JR. Per i natal pul m onar y pr ostagl andi n pr oducti on. Am J Phy si ol
1981;241:H756–9.
21. Lef f l er CW, Hessl er JR, Ter ragno N A. Venti l ati oni nduced r el ease of pr ostagl andi nl i ke m ater i al
f r om f etal l ungs. Am J Phy si ol 1980; 238:H282–6.
22. Schr ei ber MD, Hey m ann MA, Soi f er SJ. The di f f er enti al ef f ects of l eukotr i ene C 4 and D 4 on the
pul m onar y and sy stem i c ci r cul ati ons i n new bor n l am bs. Pedi atr Res 1987;21:176–82.
23. Hand JM, Wi l l JA, Buck ner CK. Ef f ects of l eukotr i enes on i sol ated gui neapi g pul m onar y
ar ter i es. Eur J Phar m acol 1981;76:439–42.
24. Mor ganr oth ML, Stenm ar k KR, Zi r r ol l i JA, et al . Leukotr i ene C 4 pr oducti on dur i ng hy pox i c
pul m onar y vasoconstr i cti on i n i sol ated rat l ungs. Pr ostagl andi ns 1984;28:867–75.
25. Lebi doi s J, Soi f er SJ, Cl y m an RI, Hey m ann MA. Pi r i pr ost: a putati ve l eukotr i ene sy nthesi s
i nhi bi tor i ncr eases pul m onar y bl ood f l ow i n f etal l am bs. Pedi atr Res 1987;22:350–4.
26. Iwam oto HS, Tei tel DF, Rudol ph AM. Ef f ects of bi r thr el ated events on bl ood f l ow di str i buti on.
Pedi atr Res 1987;22:634–40.
27. Iwam oto HS, Rudol ph AM. Chr oni c r enal venous catheter i zati on i n f etal sheep. Am J Phy si ol
1983;245:H524–7.
28. Baer RW, Pay ne BD, Ver r i er ED, et al . Incr eased num ber of myocar di al bl ood f l ow
m easur em ents w i th radi onucl i del abel ed m i cr ospher es. Am J Phy si ol 1984;246:H418–34.
29. Assal i N S, Sehgal N , Marabl e S. Pul m onar y and ductus ar ter i osus ci r cul ati on i n the f etal l am b
bef or e and af ter bi r th. Am J Phy si ol 1962;202: 536–40.
30. Lef f l er CW, Ty l er TL, Cassi n S. Ef f ect of i ndom ethaci n on pul m onar y vascul ar r esponse to
venti l ati on of f etal goats. Am J Phy si ol 1978;234: H346–51.
31. Hey m ann MA. Contr ol of the pul m onar y ci r cul ati on i n the per i natal per i od. J Dev Phy si ol
1984;6:281–90.
32. Ikegam i M, Jobe A, Ber r y D, El k ady T, Pettenazzo A, Sei dner S. Ef f ects of di stenti on of the
pr eter m f etal l am b l ung on l ung f uncti on w i th venti l ati on. Am Rev Respi r Di s 1987;135:600–
6.
Back
Appendices
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Reaching the Goal: Suggestions for Writing
Thi s book deal s w i th w hat a cl ear l y w r i tten bi om edi cal r esear ch paper l ook s l i ke w hen i t i s done.
Getti ng a paper i nto cl ear f i nal f or m i s another m atter. To hel p you m ove f r om a bl ank pi ece of
paper to a f i ni shed m anuscr i pt based on the pr i nci pl es i n thi s book , her e ar e a f ew suggesti ons.
WRITING THE FIRST DRAFT

Wr i ti ng the f i r st draf t i s di f f i cul t. The r eason i s that you have onl y a r ough i dea of w hat you want
to say. It i s onl y as you ar e w r i ti ng the f i r st draf t that you di scover ex actl y w hat you want to say.
So ex pect to spend a f ai r am ount of ti m e and ener gy w r i ti ng your f i r st draf t.
To m ake w r i ti ng the f i r st draf t as easy as possi bl e,
Reser ve a bl ock of ti m e f or w r i ti ng (3–4 hour s ever y day f or 4 or 5 day s).
Wr i te w hen your ener gy i s hi gh, not w hen you ar e ti r ed.
Sur r ound your sel f w i th ever y thi ng you need to w r i te ef f i ci entl y (al l the data, draf ts of
f i gur es and tabl es, r ef er ences, com puter or paper, cof f ee, … ).
Wor k i n a qui et pl ace w her e you w i l l not be i nter r upted.
Deci de w hat jour nal you pl an to subm i t your paper to and tai l or the paper to that jour nal
and i ts r eader s, at l east appr ox i m atel y (f or ex am pl e, cl i ni cal jour nal , basi c r esear ch
jour nal , general jour nal ) (see Huth, Chap. 1).
Star ti ng i s the har dest par t. To get star ted, w r i te the easi est secti on f i r st. For m any author s, the
easi est secti on i s Methods. For ex am pl e, you m ay want to w r i te Methods and Resul ts f i r st, then
the Di scussi on, the Intr oducti on, and the r ef er ence l i st, then f i gur e l egends and f ootnotes f or
tabl es, and f i nal l y the abstract and the ti tl e. How ever, i t does not m atter w hat or der you w r i te
the paper i n. Al l that m atter s i s w hat the paper l ook s l i ke w hen i t i s f i ni shed, so do w hat w or k s
f or you.
You m ay not k now ex actl y w hat to say as you begi n. The ex act w or ds and even the ex act
sentences ar e not i m por tant at thi s stage. Say som ethi ng and
P. 341
then keep m ov i ng. As you w r i te, i deas w i l l com e to you. You can al way s cr oss out the f i r st
sentence or tw o or even the f i r st paragraph or tw o.
Wr i te as qui ck l y as you can, w i th no thought of f ol l ow i ng any of the w r i ti ng pr i nci pl es i n thi s book

or any other r ul es of w r i ti ng. The goal of the f i r st draf t i s to get som ethi ng on paper or i nto the
com puter, to captur e your i deas bef or e they f l ee f r om your m i nd, so that you have som ethi ng to
w or k w i th. So once you have star ted, do not stop. To keep speed, use abbr ev i ati ons, and i f you
cannot thi nk of a w or d, l eave a bl ank space; you can al way s f i l l i t i n l ater, i f the sentence i s sti l l
i n the paper l ater. Do not w or r y about w hether your subjects and ver bs agr ee, w hether you
changed key ter m s, or w hether your paragraphs have topi c sentences. Al l of these thi ngs can be
deal t w i th dur i ng the r ev i si ons.
It i s a good i dea to f or m ul ate your answ er and your questi on bef or e you star t w r i ti ng because the
answ er and questi on ar e the touchstones agai nst w hi ch you deci de w hat i s i n the paper and w hat
i s out, and al so how to or gani ze. How ever, keep i n m i nd that your answ er i s l i kel y to evol ve as
you w r i te your Di scussi on. For ex am pl e, you m ay f i nd that you state the answ er one way at the
begi nni ng of the Di scussi on and another way at the end. That i s i n f act a gr eat benef i t of w r i ti ng
a paper —di scover i ng the pr eci se way to f or m ul ate the answ er. Once you have di scover ed your
answ er, r ew or d the questi on to m atch i t and then w r i te an Intr oducti on that l eads to that
questi on. If you cannot m anage al l thi s m atchi ng on the f i r st draf t, that i s OK. You can w or k on i t
i n the r ev i si ons.
When you w r i te the abstract, l ook at the way you stated the questi on and answ er i n the
Intr oducti on and Di scussi on. The statem ents of the questi on and answ er shoul d be the sam e i n
the abstract, so take the easy path—do not w r i te a new questi on and answ er f or the abstract; just
copy the ones you al r eady w r ote. Si m i l ar l y, w hen you w r i te the ti tl e, l ook at the questi on and
answ er. U se the sam e key ter m s. If you use a ver b i n the ti tl e, m ake i t the sam e ver b as i n the
answ er. But agai n, i f i t i s easi er f or you to w r i te w i thout l ook i ng at the r est of the paper, you can
do thi s m atchi ng dur i ng the r ev i si ons.
If i t hel ps you to w or k f r om an outl i ne, w hether i t i s shor t and si m pl e or l ong and com pl ex , do
so. If you cannot w or k f r om an outl i ne, do not. Do w hatever w or k s f or you. But do have som e
i dea, ei ther m ental or w r i tten, of w hat you ar e goi ng to say f i r st and w hat nex t bef or e you star t
to w r i te, par ti cul ar l y i n the Di scussi on.
To m ake w r i ti ng a paper l ess over w hel m i ng, thi nk of each secti on as a separate task . Once
Methods i s w r i tten, that i s one task done, etc. Al so, w r i te l ess. For ex am pl e, w r i te a one
paragraph Intr oducti on i f possi bl e, just 10 or 12 sentences. Tw enty sentences take l onger to
w r i te, and som e of them (the ones that r ev i ew the l i teratur e, f or ex am pl e) w i l l need to be
om i tted, so tr y to save your sel f the tr oubl e of w r i ti ng them i n the f i r st pl ace. Si m i l ar l y, i n the
Di scussi on, 6 or 7 paragraphs ar e of ten enough, so tr y not to w r i te 10 or 15. One unnecessar y
paragraph i s the paragraph of i ntr oducti on at the begi nni ng of the Di scussi on. For get that. Star t
by answ er i ng the questi on. How ever, i f i t i s easi er f or you to begi n the Di scussi on by r ew r i ti ng
the Intr oducti on, or to begi n the Resul ts by w r i ti ng “Fi gur e 1 show s,” do i t. You can al way s cr oss
them out l ater. The i m por tant thi ng on the f i r st draf t i s to keep goi ng.
Pr obabl y you w i l l need 4 or 5 day s to w r i te the f i r st draf t, so do not be di scouraged i f you cannot
f i ni sh i n one day. When you f i nd your sel f spi nni ng your w heel s af ter 3 or 4 hour s, stop, and star t
agai n the nex t day. If you f i nd your sel f spi nni ng your w heel s constantl y w hi l e w r i ti ng the f i r st
draf t, tr y tal k i ng i nto a cassette r ecor der i nstead of w r i ti ng.
P. 342
REVISING: USING THE CHECKLISTS

As soon as you f i ni sh the f i r st draf t, r ev i se i t. You w i l l see a l ot to change. As you r ev i se, use the
sum m ar i es pr ov i ded ear l i er i n thi s book f or each secti on of the paper as check l i sts, or com pose
your ow n shor ter check l i sts of detai l s that you have par ti cul ar tr oubl e w i th. Once you ar e
sati sf i ed w i th the content and or gani zati on of each secti on, go back and check the sum m ar i es f or
the chapter s on paragraph str uctur e, sentence str uctur e, and w or d choi ce. Pay par ti cul ar
attenti on to key ter m s and topi c sentences. Fi nal l y, check the overal l stor y i n your paper, usi ng
the check l i st f or the bi g pi ctur e. It i s usual l y at a f ai r l y l ate stage that the topi c sentences and
transi ti on phrases and cl auses that cr eate the over v i ew of the stor y ar e added. In som e
paragraphs you m ay have w r i tten the suppor ti ng detai l s f i r st and the m essage l ast. Thi s i s the
natural way to w r i te, because you ar e di scover i ng w hat you thi nk . How ever, thi s or gani zati on
m akes r eadi ng di f f i cul t, so i n the r ev i si on, m ove the m essage to the begi nni ng of the paragraph
(topi c sentence) and put the suppor ti ng detai l s af ter the topi c sentence. At a l ate stage al so l ook
f or al l possi bl e way s to condense your paper : om i t unnecessar y paragraphs, unnecessar y detai l s,
and unnecessar y w or ds. To deci de w hether to i ncl ude a paragraph, a sentence, or a w or d, thi nk of
your sel f as the r eader. “Woul d I want to r ead thi s paragraph?” “Woul d I need to r ead thi s
paragraph?” Be honest. If the answ er i s no, om i t the paragraph. Most r eader s pr ef er shor t,
m eaty, cl ear paper s. Have the courage to m ake your paper shor t, m eaty, and cl ear.
You w i l l not be abl e to do al l thi s r ev i si ng on one draf t, so r ev i se i n stages. Do as m uch as you

can on the f i r st r ev i si on. When you no l onger see any thi ng to change, put the paper i n a draw er
f or a w eek or tw o—how ever l ong i t takes f or you to f or get w hat you w r ote. When you l ook at the
paper agai n, you shoul d see i t w i th f r esh, cr i ti cal eyes: “Di d I w r i te that?” “What coul d that
possi bl y m ean?” Then you ar e r eady to w or k on the second draf t. Most author s need thr ee or f our
draf ts to get a paper r eady to subm i t. How ever, do not spend f or ever w r i ti ng one paper. Sci enti f i c
r esear ch paper s ar e w or k i ng k now l edge, not poem s. The w r i ti ng does not need to be per f ect, just
cl ear.
Bef or e subm i tti ng a paper, m ake one l ast check of thr ee detai l s that ar e f r equentl y over l ooked:
Does the answ er answ er the questi on, and do al l statem ents of the answ er and al l
statem ents of the questi on say the sam e thi ng?
Is the ani m al or popul ati on studi ed stated i n the ti tl e, the abstract, the questi on or the
ex per i m ental appr oach (Intr oducti on), Methods, Resul ts, the answ er or the si gnal of the
answ er (Di scussi on), and at l east the f i r st f i gur e l egend and the f i r st tabl e ti tl e?
Ar e sum m ar i zed data pr esented w i th al l thr ee com ponents: m ean, SD, n?

For i nf or m ati on on subm i tti ng a paper and seei ng i t thr ough to publ i cati on, see Huth, Chapter s
16–19.
THE REWARDS OF CLEAR WRITING

Over the year s, as you conti nue w r i ti ng paper s, r ev i ew i ng the check l i sts i n thi s book , and getti ng
cr i ti cal com m ents f r om your col l eagues, you shoul d be abl e to w r i te better and better f i r st draf ts
and better and better f i nal draf ts, though the f i r st draf t of a paper i n a new f i el d of r esear ch w i l l
be di f f i cul t to
P. 343
w r i te. In addi ti on, as you gai n ex per i ence i n your f i el d and conf i dence i n your ow n ex per ti se, you
shoul d be abl e to w r i te paper s that ar e not onl y cl ear but al so l i vel y. Both you and your r eader s
w i l l benef i t as your com m and of w r i ti ng i ncr eases. You w i l l under stand your sci ence m or e deepl y,
w i l l f eel com f or tabl e about your w r i ti ng, and w i l l have the sati sf acti on of getti ng your m essage
acr oss and tel l i ng a cl ear stor y. In addi ti on, your r eader s w i l l enjoy r eadi ng your paper s because
they w i l l be abl e to see the f or est and not just the tr ees. Fi nal l y, the sci enti f i c l i teratur e w i l l
benef i t: i t w i l l be shor ter, cl ear er, m eati er, and l i vel i er. Al l of these goal s ar e w or th r eachi ng.
P. 344
P. 345
Revisions of Exercises
CHAPTER 1
Summary of Guidelines for Word Choice

Wor ds i n sci enti f i c r esear ch paper s shoul d be
Pr eci se.
Si m pl e.
N ecessar y .
U se f ew i f any abbr ev i ati ons.
Exercise 1.1: Principles of Word Choice

I. Wor ds i n sci enti f i c r esear ch paper s shoul d be PRECISE.
(Str unk and Whi te, II. 16, p. 21: U se def i ni te, speci f i c, concr ete l anguage. )
Your w or ds shoul d be as pr eci se as y our sci ence.
N ote that pr eci se, def i ni te, speci f i c, concr ete w or ds ev ok e a m ental i m age. For ex am pl e,
“dog” ev ok es m uch m or e of a m ental i m age than “ani m al ” does. Si m i l ar l y , “patter n of
di schar ge” ev ok es m uch m or e of a m ental i m age than “r esponse char acter i sti cs” does.
Wor ds that ev ok e m ental i m ages hel p m ak e w r i ti ng easy to r ead. Abstr acti ons (such as
“ani m al ” and “char acter i sti cs”) m ak e r eadi ng di f f i cul t.
1. gr eatl y decr eased; r educed by 80%.
POIN T: “Com pr om i sed” i s i m pr eci se: w hat happened to r enal bl ood f l ow ?

(“Com pr om i se” m eans “pl ace at r i sk . ” A per son's chances of sur v i v al can be
com pr om i sed. But bl ood f l ow i s m easur abl e, so i t i ncr eases or decr eases. )
“Dr asti cal l y ” i s al so i m pr eci se. Sci ence i s quanti tati v e; thus, a quanti tati v e detai l such
as “by 80%” i s cl ear er than a qual i tati v e ter m such as “gr eatl y . ”
2. 5? 7? 9?
POIN T: “Sev er al ” i s i m pr eci se. How l ong i s sev er al hour s? State the m ean or a r ange.
3. i ncr ease.
POIN T: A change coul d be ei ther an i ncr ease or a decr ease. Fr om the f i r st sentence w e
cannot tel l w hether the author m eant i ncr ease or decr ease. But f r om “f ur ther i ncr ease”
i n the nex t sentence w e can see that the change i n the f i r st sentence m ust hav e been
an i ncr ease. It i s cl ear est to w r i te “i ncr ease, ” not “change, ” i n the f i r st sentence.
4. i ncubated i n, gr ow n i n, bathed i n.
POIN T: “Ex posed to” i s i m pr eci se. How w er e the cel l s ex posed? U se a pr eci se ter m .
“Put i n” does not w or k her e because the cel l s pr obabl y w er e not added f or 48 h.
5. l am bs.
POIN T: Keep the nam e of the ani m al i n the r eader 's m i nd.
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6. pr evented, bl ocked.
7. of f set.
POIN T: “To r escue” m eans to f r ee f r om death or destr ucti on. An appr opr i ate use of
“r escue” i s to say that the phenoty pe i s r escued (f r om death or destr ucti on) by som e
ev ent i n the genoty pe. In Ex am pl e 6, an i nter v enti on pr ev ents a pr ocess (i t does not
r escue the pr ocess). In Ex am pl e 7, one substance of f sets the l ack of another substance
(i t does not r escue the l ack of another substance). “Rescue” i s an ex am pl e of a “buzz
w or d, ” that i s, a w or d that i s i n f ashi on. U si ng a buzz w or d show s that y ou bel ong to
the cl ub. It i s r easonabl e to use cur r ent ter m i nol ogy , i ncl udi ng buzz w or ds, but the
pr obl em w i th buzz w or ds i s that they ar e of ten i m pr eci se. So use buzz w or ds onl y i n
thei r pr eci se m eani ng.
8. pr evented, i nhi bi ted, r epr essed.
POIN T: “N egati v el y r egul ated” i s a v ague w ay of ex pr essi ng a concept that can be

conv ey ed pr eci sel y by a v ar i ety of v er bs.
9. caused OR r esul ted i n OR l ed to an i ncr ease i n m i cr ovascul ar pr essur e, OR i ncr eased

m i cr ovascul ar pr essur e.
POIN T: “Was associ ated w i th” i s i m pr eci se. It i ndi cates onl y that som e connecti on
ex i sts. If y ou can speci f y w hat the connecti on i s, y ou shoul d do so.
10. and OR accom pani ed by.
11. dur i ng.
12. i nduced by.
13., r eachi ng OR, as ev i denced by.
14. pl asm a that contai ned hepar i n, OR hepar i ni zed pl asm a, OR hepar i ncontai ni ng
pl asm a.
POIN T: “Wi th” i s the v aguest, m ost am bi guous w or d i n Engl i sh. Sentences 10–14
i l l ustr ate f i v e di f f er ent m eani ngs of “w i th”: addi ti on, ti m e, cause, suppor ti ng detai l ,
and com ponent, r especti v el y . Because “w i th” can m ean so m any di f f er ent thi ngs, i t i s
cl ear est to use a pr eci se ter m w henev er possi bl e. The r eader shoul d not hav e to guess
w hat y ou m ean. (N ote: “Wi th” does hav e l egi ti m ate uses. Its basi c m eani ng i s “i n the
com pany of , ” as i n “I w ent to the m ov i es w i th m y f r i ends. ” Another standar d m eani ng
of “w i th” i s “by the m eans or agency of , ” as i n “We m easur ed the desk w i th a r ul er . ” A
thi r d m eani ng of “w i th” i s “hav i ng as an attr i bute, ” as i n “pati ents w i th di abetes. ”
Fi nal l y , som e v er bs ar e f ol l ow ed by “w i th, ” f or ex am pl e, “suppl em ented w i th, ”
“com par ed w i th, ” “v enti l ated w i th. ”)
II. Wor ds i n sci enti f i c r esear ch paper s shoul d be SIMPLE. (Str unk and Whi te, V. 14, p. 76:
Avoi d f ancy w or ds. )
U se si m pl e w or ds.
The poi nt i s not that bi g, f ancy w or ds ar e bad and that l i ttl e, si m pl e w or ds ar e good. The
poi nt i s that y ou m ust use techni cal w or ds, and these tend to be bi g, f ancy , and heav y .
Ther ef or e, to k eep y our w r i ti ng f r om bei ng too heav y , choose si m pl e w or ds f or the r est of
the sentence. Si m pl e w or ds usual l y hav e f ew sy l l abl es. They ar e w or ds y ou w oul d say to a
chi l d. For ex am pl e, m ost peopl e w oul d not say “uti l i ze” to a chi l d; they w oul d say “use. ”
In gener al , i f an i dea i s si m pl e, do not m ak e i t com pl ex . If an i dea i s com pl ex , w r i te i t as

si m pl y as possi bl e.
15. gi r l s, boy s, af ter, begi nni ng.
POIN T: In Ex am pl es 15–17, the techni cal ter m s (di al y si s, r epl i cati on, chr om osom es,
DNA pol y m er ases, tr ansacti ng f actor , GCr i ch sequences) ar e heav y and m ak e r eadi ng
sl ow . To k eep the sentence l i ght and r eadabl e, m ak e the other w or ds as si m pl e as
possi bl e. (N ote that
P. 347
“f em al e, ” “m al e, ” “f ol l ow i ng, ” “i ni ti ati on, ” “i ni ti ate, ” and “i ni ti al ” ar e not “bad w or ds”;
they ar e just unnecessar i l y f ancy i n these sentences. )
16. star t.
POIN T: If pol y m er ases “r estar t” r epl i cati on el sew her e (end of the sentence), they
pr esum abl y “star t” r epl i cati on her e.
17. a f i r st.
18. bef or e.
POIN T: “Bef or e” segr egati on i s used at the end of the sentence, so “bef or e” f or m ati on
can be used at the begi nni ng of the sentence.
19. di sconti nuous, l eapi ng, jum pi ng.
POIN T: “Sal tator y ” i s a f ancy , abstr act w or d, unl i k el y to be f am i l i ar to nati v e speak er s

of Engl i sh, l et al one to nonnati v e speak er s. In contr ast, “dock i ng” i s a si m pl e,
pi ctur esque w or d. “Sal tator y ” cl ashes w i th “dock i ng. ” “Leapi ng” and “jum pi ng” cr eate a
m ental i m age that w or k s w i th the i m age cr eated by “dock i ng. ” If these i m ages ar e not
pr eci se, use “di sconti nuous. ”
20. i ncr ease pai n.
POIN T: If the author i s w i l l i ng to say “r educe pai n” at the end of the sentence, he or
she shoul d be w i l l i ng to say “i ncr ease pai n, ” the si m pl e opposi te, at the begi nni ng of
the sentence. “Enhance” i s a buzz w or d. Its m eani ng i s v ague. Li k e “w i th, ” “enhance” i s
used f or a v ar i ety of m eani ngs and thus has al m ost no m eani ng i tsel f (see Exer ci se
1. 2).
21. subty pes, f uncti ons, senses; pai n; heat.
POIN T: Ei ther use a si m pl er w or d than “subm odal i ti es, ” such as “subty pes” or
“f uncti ons, ” or si m pl i f y “som ati c sensor y subm odal i ti es” to “som ati c senses. ” The l i st
of senses poses an i nter esti ng pr obl em : si m pl e w or ds ar e av ai l abl e f or al l but one of
these senses (pr opr i ocepti on). Si m i l ar l y , com pl ex w or ds ar e av ai l abl e f or al l but one of
these senses (touch). It w oul d be best i f al l the senses coul d be nam ed by si m pl e
w or ds, but si nce they cannot, use as m any si m pl e w or ds as y ou can.
22. cel l bodi es.
23. towar d the l i ver.
POIN T: Ev en though “per i k ar y a” and “hepatopetal l y ” ar e l egi ti m ate techni cal ter m s, the
si m pl er ter m s “cel l bodi es” and “tow ar d the l i v er ” can be used her e. Speci al i sts w i l l
not be i nsul ted by the use of the si m pl er ter m s, and peopl e f r om other f i el ds w i l l
under stand the si m pl er ter m s m or e r eadi l y than they w i l l the f ancy ones.
III. Wor ds i n sci enti f i c r esear ch paper s shoul d be N ECESSARY.
(Str unk and Whi te, II. 17, p. 23: Om i t needl ess w or ds. )
U se the f ew est w or ds possi bl e. The m or e noi se, the l ess m essage. How ev er , r em em ber that
br ev i ty i s not the f i r st pr i nci pl e of w or d choi ce; i t i s the thi r d pr i nci pl e. The poi nt i s to be as
br i ef as possi bl e consi stent w i th cl ar i ty . If i t tak es m or e w or ds to be cl ear , use m or e w or ds.
(For ex am pl e, see Chap. 2, “Av oi d N oun Cl uster s. ”)
24. Af ter 4 h, w e abr uptl y ended the hem odi al y si s pr ocedur e.
POIN T: “Of hem odi al y si s” i s unnecessar y because i t i s i m pl i ed by the r est of the

sentence.
25. Ox ygen uptake i n r esponse to dr ugs var i ed consi derabl y.
POIN T: It i s unnecessar y to say that y ou ex am i ned a r esponse. If y ou f ound a

r esponse, y ou m ust hav e ex am i ned i t. Si m i l ar l y , i t i s not necessar y i n thi s sentence to
say that a r esponse w as f ound. If y ou say w hat the r esponse w as, thi s m ust be w hat
y ou f ound.
26. Thi s i nhi bi ti on l eads to accum ul ati on of βcateni n i n the cy topl asm . OR Thi s
i nhi bi ti on l eads to a pool of βcateni n i n the cy topl asm .
P. 348
POIN T: A pool i s an accum ul ati on. Si nce “pool ” i s a si m pl er and m or e pi ctur esque w or d
than “accum ul ati on, ” “pool ” i s f i r st choi ce her e.
27. Both of these changes w er e gr eater w hen the per i car di um was cl osed.
POIN T: The r epeti ti on i n thi s sentence i s w or se than unnecessar y : i t i s conf usi ng. We
do not i m m edi atel y r ecogni ze that the under l i ned w or ds i n the or i gi nal second sentence
r ef er to the ef f ects descr i bed i n the pr ev i ous sentence. To i ndi cate to the r eader that
these ar e the sam e ef f ects, i t i s cl ear est to use a categor y ter m that encom passes both
decr eases and i ncr eases. The best categor y ter m her e i s “changes. ” In addi ti on, add
“these” to i ndi cate that y ou m enti oned the changes i n the pr ev i ous sentence.
Guidelines for Using Abbreviations

N ote: The gui del i nes bel ow ar e f or abbr ev i ati ons m ade of the f i r st l etter of each w or d or of each
i m por tant sy l l abl e (f or ex am pl e, DN A, deox y r i bonucl ei c aci d). Standar d abbr ev i ati ons f or uni ts of
m easur em ent (Sy stém e Inter nati onal , or SI, uni ts, f or ex am pl e, m l , k g, m i n) ar e i nter nati onal l y
accepted and ther ef or e can be used f r eel y.
Abbr ev i ati ons ar e decepti ve. They m ake r eadi ng easi er i f you k now them al r eady. If the
abbr ev i ati ons ar e new to you, they m ake r eadi ng a chor e. Si nce a si zabl e per centage of your
r eader s m ay not r ecogni ze the abbr ev i ati ons (f or ex am pl e, r eader s w hose f i r st l anguage i s not
Engl i sh, or graduate students and other s new to the f i el d), you shoul d keep abbr ev i ati ons to a
m i ni m um . Reader s can usual l y handl e tw o or thr ee abbr ev i ati ons per paragraph (and thr oughout
the paper ). Ten abbr ev i ati ons (as i n Ex am pl e 28) ar e an over l oad. So tr y to avoi d abbr ev i ati ons,
especi al l y nonstandar d ones.
When to Use Abbreviations

The usual r eason f or usi ng an abbr ev i ati on i s to r epl ace a ter m that i s l ong or unw i el dy and that
appear s a gr eat m any ti m es i n the paper. “Hear t rate” i s not l ong or unw i el dy. “N or epi nephr i ne”
i s not l ong or unw i el dy. Fi ve ti m es i s not m any. Ten ti m es i s not m any. If an abbr ev i ati on appear s
onl y 5 or 10 ti m es i n a paper, som e r eader s have to keep l ook i ng up i ts m eani ng, w hi ch hi nder s
r eadi ng. An abbr ev i ati on shoul d be used of ten enough that the r eader does not f or get the
m eani ng. One excepti on i s that a ver y l ong ter m , such as tetradecanoy l phor bol acetate (TPA),
shoul d be abbr ev i ated even i f i t i s used onl y once or tw i ce m or e i n the paper, pr ef erabl y w i thi n
one paragraph. Another excepti on i s an abbr ev i ati on that i s m or e f am i l i ar to the r eader s of the
jour nal than i s the ter m the abbr ev i ati on stands f or, f or ex am pl e, DN A, HEPES buf f er. Such
abbr ev i ati ons m ay be used f r eel y.
How to Avoid Abbreviations

Instead of an abbr ev i ati on, som eti m es one w or d f r om a l ong ter m can be used. For ex am pl e,
“i som etr i c handgr i p exer ci se” can be cal l ed “exer ci se,” i nstead of “IHE” (a nonstandar d
abbr ev i ati on), i f onl y one ty pe of exer ci se i s m enti oned i n the paper.
To avoi d “Gr oup A,” tr y to use a character i sti c to nam e the gr oup, f or ex am pl e “the hy potensi ve
gr oup.”
When i nventi ng new w or ds, tr y to i nvent shor t ter m s that do not need to be abbr ev i ated. For
ex am pl e, “endor phi ns,” was a good choi ce—f ar better than “opi ate r eceptor bl ocker s” w oul d have
been.
P. 349
Exercise 1.2: Words Carelessly Interchanged

1. af f ected.
2. concentrati on.
COMMEN T: “Lev el ” i s m or e gener al than “am ount, ” “concentr ati on, ” and “content. ” It i s OK to
use “l ev el ” i nstead of “am ount, ” “concentr ati on, ” or “content” i f y ou hav e onl y one k i nd of
l ev el i n y our paper , but i f y ou hav e, f or ex am pl e, both am ounts and concentr ati ons, or i f
y ou use “l ev el ” to m ean “hor i zontal state or l i ne, ” w r i te the speci f i c ter m s ev er y ti m e.
3. consi sted of. (Om i t “no other dr ugs w er e used.”)
4. i ncr eases.
5. i m pr oved.
6. speeds.
7. i nter val s, per i od.
8. var i abl es.
9. i s.
CHAPTER 2
Exercise 2.1: Express the Core of the Message in the Subject,

Verb, and Completer
1. At the end of di al y si s, the pl asm a acetate concentrati on i n the adul ts w a s al m ost doubl e
that i n the chi l dr en.
COMMEN T: N ote that the subject, v er b, and com pl eter i n the r ev i sed sentence gi v e m or e of
the m essage than do the subject, v er b, and com pl eter of the or i gi nal sentence:
“concentr ati on w as al m ost doubl e” v er sus “adul ts ended di al y si s. ” Al so note that the sam e
pr eposi ti on (“i n”) i s used bef or e “adul ts” and “chi l dr en”; “of ” coul d be used i nstead of “i n. ”
Fi nal l y , i f both the adul ts and the chi l dr en under w ent di al y si s, that f act i s cl ear est i f “at the
end of di al y si s” com es at the begi nni ng of the sentence, because a condi ti on hol ds unti l y ou
change i t (see Chap. 3, “The Durati on of a Si gnal ” under “Si gnal i ng the Subtopi cs of a
Paragraph”).
2. The pati ent's sy m ptom s did not c ha nge .
The pati ent's sy m ptom s w e re unc ha nge d.
3. Af ter the pati ent be ga n tak i ng 0. 6 g of aspi r i n dai l y, hi s ar thr i ti s re s olve d.
Aspi r i n (0. 6 g dai l y ) re s olve d the pati ent's ar thr i ti s.
4. The death rate de c re a s e d pr ogr essi vel y OR pr ogr essi vel y de c re a s e d.
5. Ethanol e va pora te s f r om the m i x tur e rapi dl y.
Ethanol evaporates rapi dl y f r om the m i x tur e.
6. Potassi um per chl orate w a s re move d by centr i f ugati on of the super natant l i qui d at 1400 × g
f or 10 m i n. (passi v e)
Centr i f ugati on of the super natant l i qui d at 1400 × g f or 10 m i n re move d potassi um

per chl or ate. (acti v e)
We re move d potassi um per chl or ate by centr i f ugi ng the super natant l i qui d at 1400 × g f or 10
m i n. (one w ay to use “w e”)
To r em ove potassi um per chl orate, w e c e ntrifuge d the super natant l i qui d at 1400 × g f or 10
m i n. (another w ay to use “w e”)
7. Bl ood pH w a s me a s ure d by OR w i th a Radi om eter capi l l ar y el ectr ode.
COMMEN T: “By ” i m pl i es that the m achi ne m ade the m easur em ent unassi sted. “Wi th” i m pl i es
that the i nv esti gator m ani pul ated the m achi ne.
P. 350
8. The l i ves of ur em i c pati ents ha ve be e n prolonge d by i m pr oved conser vati ve tr eatm ent and
hem odi al y si s.
U r em i c pati ents live longe r because of i m pr oved conser vati ve tr eatm ent and hem odi al y si s.
Im pr oved conser vati ve tr eatm ent and hem odi al y si s ha ve prolonge d the l i v es of ur em i c
pati ents.
9. Mi nute venti l ati on and r espi rator y f r equency inc re a s e d abr uptl y i n al l dogs as exer ci se
began.
Exer ci se inc re a s e d m i nute v enti l ati on and r espi r ator y f r equency abr uptl y i n al l dogs.
COMMEN T: N ot “Al l dogs inc re a s e d thei r m i nute v enti l ati on and r espi r ator y f r equency
abr uptl y as ex er ci se began, ” because “dogs” i s not the topi c.
10. COP1 w a s ina c tiva te d by l i ght bef or e i t w a s de ple te d f r om the nucl eus.
11. When a par ti al l y pur i f i ed TFIIH f racti on w a s immunopre c ipita te d w i th AbERCC2 under
m edi um hi gh sal t condi ti ons (0. 5 M KCl ), a tr i pl et…
12. If m i sm atches a re not c orre c te d, base pai r s a re s e gre ga te d af ter m ei osi s.
13. We a na lyze d each speci m en at l east tw i ce.
14. Inf usi on of ty ram i ne de c re a s e d cutaneous bl ood f l ow .
15. The m utati on k ills the em br yos.
16. N eur ons f r om hom ozygous p53k nockout m i ce w e re re s is ta nt to neur onal apoptosi s i nduced
by a var i ety of neur onal tox i ns.
17. D1l i ke r eceptor s pe rmit r egul ati on of D2l i ke r eceptor s.
D1l i ke r eceptor s re gula te D2l i ke r eceptor s.
18. These agents a c t by inhibiting the sy nthesi s of chol ester ol by the l i ver.
These agents inhibit the sy nthesi s of chol ester ol by the l i ver. (sl i ghtl y di f f er ent m eani ng)
COMMEN T: N ot “hepati c sy nthesi s of chol ester ol ”; too abstr act.
19. Thi s net di f f er ence i n osm ol ar i ty forc e s (OR drive s , s hifts , dra w s ) water i nto the
COMMEN T: “Thus” i s needed to k eep the noti on of causal i ty .
Thi s net di f f er ence i n osm ol ar i ty inc re a s e s pr essur e by dra w ing water i nto the
cer ebr ospi nal f l ui d.
Because of thi s net di f f er ence i n osm ol ar i ty, water flow s i nto the cer ebr ospi nal f l ui d, thus
inc re a s ing pr essur e.
Dr i ven by thi s di f f er ence i n osm ol ar i ty, water flow s i nto the cer ebr ospi nal f l ui d, thus
inc re a s ing pr essur e.
COMMEN T: “Dr i v en by ” i s m or e pow er f ul than “because of ” because “dr i v en” i s a v er b f or m

and al so because i t i s a concr ete ter m that ev ok es an i m age.
20. Recentl y, ev i dence that l i ght c ontrols the i m por t of a potenti al transcr i pti on f actor i nto the
nucl eus has been pr ov i ded.
Recentl y, l i ght ha s be e n found to c ontrol the i m por t of a potenti al transcr i pti on f actor i nto
the nucl eus.
21. A capsul e of amy l ni tr i te was cr ushed and hel d i n f r ont of the nose f or 20 s w hi l e the pati ent
bre a the d nor m al l y.
COMMEN T: “Whi l e nor m al r espi r ati on w as m ai ntai ned” i s not as good; too abstr act.
22. Cal ci um i s transl ocated acr oss the m em brane as a phosphor y l ated enzy m e i nter m edi ate is
forme d. Then cal ci um i s r el eased i nto the l um en as the phosphor y l ated enzy m e
i nter m edi ate is de c ompos e d i nto the unphosphor y l ated enzy m e and ADP pl us phosphate.
P. 351
Cal ci um i s transl ocated acr oss the m em brane w hen an enzy m e is phos phoryla te d. Then
cal ci um i s r el eased i nto the l um en w hen the enzy m e is de phos phoryla te d.
COMMEN T: The sour ce of the pr obl em i n both sentences 21 and 22 i s the w or d “w i th. ” The
sol uti on i n both sentences i s to add a v er b. For Ex am pl e 22, the second r ev i si on i s best, f or
f our r easons. It puts the r eal acti on i n the v er bs (“phosphor y l ated, ” “dephosphor y l ated”). It
uses par al l el f or m (see Chaps. 2 and 3. ) It puts the contr asti ng v er bs at the end of each
sentence, w hi ch i s a pow er posi ti on (see Em phasi s, Chap. 3). It om i ts unnecessar y w or ds. If
i t i s i m por tant to m enti on ADP, y ou can add “, thus r el easi ng ADP” at the end of the second
sentence.
23. Radi cal cl eavage is m odestl y inc re a s e d at base pai r s 10–12.
Cl eavage by radi cal s at base pai r s 10–12 is m odestl y inc re a s e d.
24. Geneti c w or k i n C. el egans show ed that i ts BCL2 hom ol og re gula te s cel l death.
Exercise 2.2: Untangling Noun Clusters

1. Bl ood cl otti ng i n the shunt occur r ed af ter 5 day s.
COMMEN T: The cl uster i s untangl ed but the acti on i s i n the subject.
Bl ood i n the shunt c lotte d af ter 5 day s. (acti on i n the v er b)
2. Inter f er ence patter ns i nduced by DN Aase I ni ck i ng cor r espond pr eci sel y to i nter f er ence
patter ns i nduced by ethy l ati on f or both of the 10bp sequences.
COMMEN T: Som eti m es a par ti ci pl e pl us a pr eposi ti on i s needed to m ak e the r el ati onshi p

betw een the nouns cl ear .
3. The pr eci pi tate was f ur ther pur i f i ed by bei ng centr i f uged on sucr ose densi ty gradi ents (OR
on densi ty gradi ents m ade of sucr ose).
COMMEN T: Al though “sucr ose densi ty gr adi ents” i s an accepted techni cal ter m , i t i s cl ear er
to w r i te i t the l ong w ay (“densi ty gr adi ents m ade of sucr ose”) the f i r st ti m e and then to use
the cl uster . The sam e i s tr ue f or “sucr ose densi ty gr adi ent centr i f ugati on. ”
4. “Regul ati on of Cer ebr ospi nal Fl ui d pH by the Bl oodBrai n Bar r i er ”
COMMEN T: N ot “pH Regul ati on” because thi s cl uster coul d m ean ei ther r egul ati on of the pH
or r egul ati on by the pH.
5. The anti gen was pr epar ed f r om w hole homoge na te s of rat l i ver.
OR c rude homoge na te s .
COMMEN T: N ot “w hol e l i v er . ” “Whol e” as i n “w hol e m i l k . ”
6. T 4 sti m ul ated i ncor porati on of chol i ne i nto prima ry c ulture s of f etal l ung cel l s i n prima ry
c ulture .
COMMEN T: N ot “pr i m ar y cel l cul tur es” because then ei ther the cel l s or the cul tur es coul d be
pr i m ar y . “Fetal l ung cel l s” i s OK because i f the l ungs ar e f etal , the cel l s m ust be f etal , and
v i ce v er sa.
7. P KCa c tiva tioninduc e d tra ns loc a tion of RACK1 i s speci f i c… .
8. Ser um sam pl es f r om heal thy s ubje c ts and f r om pa tie nts w ho had ul cer ati v e col i ti s w er e
studi ed by (OR w i th) paper el ectr ophor esi s.
9. Ther e was no si gni f i cant di f f er ence betw een l actate c onc e ntra tions i n r esti ng s ubje c ts and
i n ex er ci si ng s ubje c ts .
COMMEN T: N ot “Lactates di d not di f f er si gni f i cantl y w hen sam pl ed at r est or dur i ng

ex er ci se” because i t i s not cl ear w ho i s r esti ng and w ho i s ex er ci si ng. In sentences 8 and 9,
the subjects m ust be m enti oned.
P. 352
Exercise 2.3: Overloaded Sentences

Example 1
Mutagenesi s studi es of several MADS box pr otei ns, i ncl udi ng MEF2, have show n that the 56
am i noaci d MADS box i s r equi r ed f or DN A bi ndi ng. A 30am i noaci d ex tensi on on the car box y l
ter m i nal si de of the MADS box i s al so r equi r ed. Thi s car box y l ter m i nal ex tensi on i s uni que to
each subcl ass of MADS box pr otei ns.
COMMEN T: The or i gi nal sentence i s an ex am pl e of str i ngi ng i deas together . The i deas ar e l i nk ed
by “i n addi ti on to” and “w hi ch. ” The r ev i si on, w hi ch i s 4 w or ds l onger than the or i gi nal , star ts
new sentences at these l i nk s.
Example 2
To i denti f y m ast cel l s, an adjacent secti on was stai ned w i th al ci an bl ue. The stai ni ng show s that
several m ast cel l s ar e l ocated i n the m edi a and adventi ti a r egi on of the i ntram ural ar ter i ol e.
How ever, the num ber of al ci anbl uestai ni ng cel l s i s l ow er than the num ber of cel l s that ar e
posi ti ve f or chy m ase m RN A show n i n Fi g. 5B.
COMMEN T: The or i gi nal sentence contai ns an em bedded i dea (“but not the num ber equi v al ent to
the num ber of chy m ase m RN A posi ti v e cel l s i n Fi g. 5B”). In the r ev i si on, the em bedded i dea i s
put i nto a separ ate sentence (l ast sentence) and i s r ew r i tten to cl ar i f y the com par i son. In
addi ti on, the r ev i si on uses a m or e pr eci se w or d (“ar e l ocated”) and untangl es the noun cl uster
(“chy m ase m RN A posi ti v e cel l s”). Thi s r ev i si on, w hi ch i s 10 w or ds l onger than the or i gi nal
sentence, show s that som eti m es i t i s necessar y to add w or ds to be cl ear .
Example 3
A tem poral and spati al r el ati onshi p betw een l i pi d per ox i dati on and ty pe I col l agen ex pr essi on has
been descr i bed i n stel l ate cel l s. Thi s r el ati onshi p has been cor r el ated w i th an i n v i tr o m odel of
cocul tur e betw een stel l ate cel l s and hepatocy tes. In thi s m odel , af ter addi ti on of LCL 4 , col l agen i s
ex pr essed i n stel l ate cel l s l ocated near the stel l ate cel l hepatocy te boundar y but not i n di stant
cel l s or i n stel l ate cel l s cul tur ed al one.
COMMEN T: In the or i gi nal sentence, str i ngi ng i deas together cr eates a near l y i ncom pr ehensi bl e
sentence. The r ev i si on br eak s the sentence i nto thr ee shor ter sentences. It al so shor tens the l ast
sentence by om i tti ng unnecessar y w or ds (“near ” i nstead of “i n the i m m edi ate v i ci ni ty of ”), thus
m ak i ng the r ev i si on 4 w or ds shor ter than the or i gi nal sentence.
Exercise 2.4: Clear Antecedents of Pronouns

1. To decr ease bl ood vol um e by about 10% i n a f ew m i nutes, bl ood was pool ed i n the subjects'
l egs by pl aci ng w i de congesti ng cuf f s ar ound the thi ghs and i nf l ati ng the cuf f s to di astol i c
brachi al ar ter i al pr essur e.
P. 353
To decr ease bl ood vol um e by about 10% i n a f ew m i nutes, bl ood was pool ed i n the subjects'
l egs by i nf l ati ng w i de congesti ng cuf f s, pl aced ar ound the thi ghs, to the di astol i c pr essur e of
the brachi al ar ter y.
COMMEN T: The second r ev i si on av oi ds r epeati ng “cuf f s” and al so untangl es the adjecti v e

cl uster “di astol i c br achi al ar ter i al pr essur e. ”
2. Thi s di f f er ence i n r ecover y suggests that… .
These di f f er ent degr ees of r educti on suggest that… .
Thi s sel ecti ve r educti on of apol i popr otei n AI suggests that… .
COMMEN T: These r ev i si ons ar e i n or der of l east to m ost speci f i c. The l ast r ev i si on i s best
because tw o k ey ter m s f r om the pr ev i ous sentence ar e r epeated (“apol i popr otei n AI” and
“r educed”). (See Chap. 3, “Repeati ng Key Ter m s. ”) “These f i ndi ngs suggest that” i s too
v ague to be hel pf ul .
3. The si ze of the bol us i s l i m i ted… .
The si ze of the r el ati ve er r or i s l i m i ted… .
The si ze of the CT num ber i s l i m i ted… .
How ever, the si ze of the bol us i s l i m i ted because l ar ge bol uses ar e har der to adm i ni ster and
pati ents do not tol erate them w el l .
COMMEN T: The f i r st r ev i si on i s the one the author i ntended, but any of the r ev i si ons i s
r easonabl e. The l ast r ev i si on i s l i ghter and easi er to r ead than the other s because the acti on
i s ex pr essed by v er bs and an adjecti v e (“ar e har der , ” “tol er ate”).
Exercise 2.5: Parallelism in Sentences

1. Car di ac output was l ess i n the E. col i gr oup than i n the Pseudom onas gr oup.
2. Lef t ventr i cul ar f uncti on was i m pai r ed i n the dogs that r ecei ved endotox i n and i n the contr ol
dogs.
3. Pul sati on of the cel l s or cel l m asses can be qui ck and er rati c or sl ow and r egul ar .
4. Wher eas epi dural adm i ni strati on of f entany l at a rate of 20 µg/h r educed the r equi r em ent f or
pati entcontr ol l ed bupi vacai ne, i ntravenous adm i ni strati on of f entany l (20 µg/h) or pl acebo
di d not.
COMMEN T: U si ng par al l el f or m f or these par al l el i deas al l ow s y ou to av oi d r epeti ti on af ter
“di d not. ”
5. The tubes w er e spun on a Vor tex m i xer f or 10 s, stor ed at 4°C f or 2 h, and then centr i f uged
at 500 × g f or 10 m i n.
COMMEN T: It i s OK to om i t “then” as w el l as “they w er e” bef or e “centr i f uged, ” but i t i s not

necessar y .
6. Tracheal gangl i on cel l s have been cl assi f i ed on the basi s of thei r spontaneous di schar ge
(12), thei r el ectr i cal pr oper ti es (5), and the pr esence or absence of vasoacti ve i ntesti nal
pepti de (8).
COMMEN T: “or absence” m ay be om i tted.
Tracheal gangl i on cel l s have been cl assi f i ed on the basi s of thr ee pr oper ti es: spontaneous
di schar ge (12), el ectr i cal character i sti cs (5), and vasoacti ve i ntesti nal pepti de content (8).
7. Pheny l ephr i ne i ncr eased the rate of m ucus secr eti on and the output of nondi al y zabl e 3 5 S; it
al so caused a net transepi thel i al m ovem ent of N a towar ds the m ucosa.
Pheny l ephr i ne i ncr eased the rate of m ucus secr eti on, i ncr eased the output of nondi al y zabl e
3 5 S, and caused a net transepi thel i al m ovem ent of N a towar ds the m ucosa.
8. The f racti ons w er e centr i f uged, the pel l ets w er e r esuspended i n a sm al l vol um e of buf f er,
and a sam pl e of cel l s was counted i n an el ectr oni c cel l counter.
P. 354
9. Even the hi ghest dose of atr opi ne had no ef f ect ei ther on basel i ne pul se rate or on the
vagal l y sti m ul ated pul se rate.
Even the hi ghest dose of atr opi ne had no ef f ect on pul se rate ei ther dur i ng basel i ne or
dur i ng vagal sti m ul ati on.
10. COMMEN T: The second r ev i si on av oi ds r epeti ti on of “pul se r ate. ”
11. An i m pul se f r om the vagus ner ve to the m uscl e has to travel both thr ough gangl i a and and
thr ough postgangl i oni c pathway s.
COMMEN T: “Thr ough both gangl i a and postgangl i oni c pathw ay s” i s theor eti cal l y OK but
undesi r abl e her e because “thr ough both gangl i a” coul d i m pl y tw o gangl i a.
12. The i nter nal pr essur e m ust depend not onl y on vol um e but al so on the rate of f i l l i ng.
Exercise 2.6: Parallelism in Comparisons

1. The gr eater stabi l i ty i n thi s study than i n the pr ev i ous study r esul ted f r om m or e accurate
m ar ker di gi ti zati on.
2. Total m i cr ospher e l osses w er e gr eater at 34, 64, and 124 m i n than at 4 m i n.
Total m i cr ospher e l osses at 34, 64, and 124 m i n w er e gr eater than those at 4 m i n.
3. We f r equentl y obser ved that m ean cor onar y ar ter i al pr essur e was l ow er than m ean aor ti c
pr essur e af ter car bochr om en i njecti on. (m ay be nei ther decr eased)
We f r equentl y obser ved a decr ease i n m ean cor onar y ar ter i al pr essur e but not i n m ean
aor ti c pr essur e af ter car bochr om en i njecti on. (one decr eased)
We f r equentl y obser ved a gr eater decr ease i n m ean cor onar y ar ter i al pr essur e than i n m ean
aor ti c pr essur e af ter car bochr om en i njecti on. (both decr eased)
4. The l oss of apol i popr otei n AI f r om hi ghdensi ty l i popr otei ns dur i ng ul tracentr i f ugati onal
i sol ati on w a s gre a te r tha n the l osses dur i ng other i sol ati on m ethods.
5. Losses of apol i popr otei n AI dur i ng other i sol ati on m ethods w e re s ma lle r tha n l osses dur i ng
ul tracentr i f ugati on.
6. The pr otei n com posi ti on of heav y m er omyosi n, lik e that of subf ragm ent 1, was
hom ogeneous.
Lik e the pr otei n com posi ti on of subf ragm ent 1, the pr otei n com posi ti on of heav y
m er omyosi n was hom ogeneous.
CHAPTER 3
Exercise 3.1: Topic Sentences and Supporting Sentences

Revision 1
A Capsai ci n (50 m g/k g) was i njected i nto each gui nea pi g subcutaneousl y i n tw o sequenti al doses.
B Thef i r st dose was 20 m g/k g. C The second dose, gi ven 2 h l ater, was 30 m g/k g. D Bef or e each
dose of capsai ci n was gi ven, anesthesi a was i nduced by i njecti on of pentobar bi tal (f i r st, 30 m g/k g
i . p. ; second, 10–20 m g/k g i . p. ). E In addi ti on, to counteract r espi rator y i m pai r m ent caused by
capsai ci n, sal butam ol (0. 6 m g/k g s. c. ) was i njected i nto the gui nea
P. 355
pi g N m i n af ter anesthesi a was i nduced and 10 m i n bef or e capsai ci n was i njected. F Contr ol gui nea
pi gs under w ent the sam e pr ocedur es w i th vehi cl es.
The topi c sentence i s about the tw o doses. The m essage (tw o doses) i s i n the com pl eter , at
the end of the sentence.
Suppor ti ng detai l s ar e or gani zed m ost to l east i m por tant.
A tr ansi ti on i s added at the begi nni ng of sentence D to back tr ack to the ear l i er steps.
Revision 2
A Tw o di f f er ent doses of capsai ci n w er e i njected i nto each gui nea pi g. B The f i r st dose, 20 m g/k g,
was i njected N m i n af ter pentobar bi tal (30 m g/k g i . p. ) was i njected to i nduce anesthesi a and 10
m i n af ter sal butam ol (0. 6 m g/k g) was i njected to counteract r espi rator y i m pai r m ent caused by
capsai ci n. C The second dose of capsai ci n, 30 m g/k g, was i njected 2 h l ater, af ter addi ti onal
adm i ni strati on of pentobar bi tal (10–20 m g/k g i . p. ) and sal butam ol . D For each dose, capsai ci n was
pr epar ed as a 12. 5% sol uti on i n equal par ts of 95% ethanol and Tw een80, di l uted to 25 m g/m l
w i th sal i ne. E Contr ol gui nea pi gs under w ent the sam e pr ocedur e except that vehi cl e was
substi tuted f or capsai ci n.
The topi c sentence i s about the tw o doses. The m essage (tw o doses) i s i n the subject, at the
begi nni ng of the sentence.
The m essage, not the topi c, i s the subject; the acti on i s i n the v er b.
Suppor ti ng detai l s ar e or gani zed by dose.
Detai l s of the sol uti on (l east i m por tant) ar e i n a separ ate sentence near the end of the
par agr aph.
Revision 3
A Capsai ci n was i njected subcutaneousl y i nto each gui nea pi g i n tw o consecuti ve doses. B Bef or e
the f i r st dose, pentobar bi tal (30 m g/k g i . p. ) was gi ven to anestheti ze the gui nea pi g, and then
sal butam ol (0. 6 m g/k g s. c. ) was gi ven to pr event apnea. C Ten m i nutes l ater, 20 m g/k g capsai ci n
was i njected. D Bef or e
the second dose, gi ven 2 h l ater, the sam e pr otocol was f ol l ow ed except
the gui nea pi g r ecei ved a l ow er dose of pentobar bi tal (10–20 m g/k g) and a hi gher dose of
capsai ci n (30 m g/k g). E Contr ol gui nea pi gs under w ent the sam e pr ocedur e w i th vehi cl es.
The topi c sentence i s about the tw o doses. The m essage (tw o doses) i s i n the com pl eter , at
the end of the sentence.

Suppor ti ng detai l s ar e i n chr onol ogi cal or der , as i n the or i gi nal par agr aph.
To k eep attenti on on the m ai n poi nt (the tw o doses of capsai ci n), the w or d “dose” i s added
i n a tr ansi ti on at the begi nni ng of sentences B and D.
Repeti ti on i s av oi ded (D).
Shor t sentence C em phasi zes the i m por tant detai l (f i r st dose of capsai ci n).
In sentence D, “a hi gher dose” em phasi zes the di f f er ence betw een the doses of capsai ci n.
P. 356
Exercise 3.2: Repeating Key Terms Exactly and Early

EXAMPLE 1
Revision 1
A LUMPED TRANSPORT MODEL TO DETERMINE DYNAMIC BINDING

CAPACITY AS A FUNCTION OF LINEAR VELOCITY AND BED LENGTH
A The dy nam i c bi ndi ng capaci ty of a pr otei n on chr om atographi c r esi ns depends on l i near vel oci ty ,
bed l ength, bi ndi ng k i neti cs, and the phy si cal and chem i cal pr oper ti es of the r esi n. B An e x c e lle nt
me thod of me a s uring this dyna mic binding c a pa c ity is by a s s e s s ing the s ha pe of
br eak thr ough cur ves at di f f er ent l i near vel oci ti es and bed l engths. C For l ar ge m ol ecul es such as
pr otei ns, the shape of the br eak thr ough cur ve m ay var y consi derabl y as l i near vel oci ty and bed
l ength ar e changed.
Revision 2
A The dy nam i c bi ndi ng capaci ty of a pr otei n on chr om atographi c r esi ns depends on l i near vel oci ty ,
bed l ength, bi ndi ng k i neti cs, and the phy si cal and chem i cal pr oper ti es of the r esi n. B Thi s dy nam i c
bi ndi ng capaci ty c a n be me a s ure d by a s s e s s ing the s ha pe of br eak thr ough cur ves at di f f er ent
l i near vel oci ti es and bed l engths. C The shape of the bre a k through c urve f or l ar ge m ol ecul es
such as pr otei ns m ay var y consi derabl y as l i near vel oci ty and bed l ength ar e changed.
COMMEN TS

In the or i gi nal par agr aph, i t i s di f f i cul t to tel l w hether “col um n l ength” i n sentence C i s the sam e
as “bed l ength” i n sentence A and “bed hei ght” i n the ti tl e. Si m i l ar l y , ar e “v el oci ti es” i n sentence
B the sam e as “l i near v el oci ty ” i n sentences A and C and “f l ow r ate” i n the ti tl e? Is “dy nam i c
bi ndi ng capaci ty ” i n sentences A and B the sam e as “r esi n capaci ty ” i n the ti tl e? At best, these
di f f er ences ar e noi se. At w or st, they ar e conf usi ng. To m ak e cl ear to the r eader that the sam e
thi ng i s m eant, r epeat k ey ter m s ex actl y .
Repeat Key Terms Early

In the or i gi nal par agr aph, the conti nui ty betw een sentences A and B i s uncl ear unti l the end of
sentence B. The r eason i s that a new k ey ter m , “br eak thr ough, ” i s i ntr oduced bef or e w e k now
how i t r el ates to the pr ev i ous sentence. In the r ev i si ons, “dy nam i c bi ndi ng capaci ty ” i s r epeated
ear l y i n sentence B, bef or e “br eak thr ough” i s m enti oned, so the conti nui ty i s cl ear er , and the
stor y l i ne i s easi er to f ol l ow .
In Rev i si on 2, the conti nui ty betw een sentences A and B i s str onger than i n Rev i si on 1 because
“dy nam i c bi ndi ng capaci ty ” i s r epeated at the begi nni ng of sentence B, as the subject of the
sentence. In Rev i si on 1, an aspect of “dy nam i c bi ndi ng capaci ty ” (“m ethod of m easur i ng”) i s at
the begi nni ng of the sentence.
For str onger conti nui ty betw een sentences B and C, the k ey ter m “shape” i s added to sentence B
i n both r ev i si ons. In addi ti on, i n the second r ev i si on, the k ey ter m s “shape of the br eak thr ough
cur v e” ar e r epeated at the begi nni ng of sentence C.
P. 357
Because of these tw o changes—r epeati ng the k ey ter m “dy nam i c bi ndi ng capaci ty ” ear l y i n
sentence B and addi ng the k ey ter m “shape” to sentence B—the conti nui ty betw een sentence B
and the sentences bef or e and af ter i t i s cl ear er .
EXAMPLE 2
Revision 1
A Tra ns c ription of the aci d phosphatase PHO5 i n the yeast Sacchar om y ces cer ev i si ae i s acti vated
by a transcr i pti on f actor encoded by the PHO4 gene. B Whether transcr i pti on i s acti vated depends
on ex tracel l ul ar phosphate l evel s. C When yeast cel l s ar e gr ow n i n m edi um contai ni ng hi gh
phosphate l evel s, PHO4 i s i n the cy topl asm and does not acti vate transcr i pti on of PHO5. D When
yeast cel l s ar e star ved f or phosphate, PHO4 enter s and i s re ta ine d i n the nucl eus, w her e, i n
conjuncti on w i th a second transcr i pti on f actor cal l ed PHO2, i t acti vates transcr i pti on of PHO5. E It
i s not k now n how PHO4 i s r etai ned i n the nucl eus under l ow phosphate condi ti ons. F One
hy pothesi s i s that PHO4 i s r etai ned i n the nucl eus by bi ndi ng to the nucl ear pr otei n PHO2.
G Another hy pothesi s i s that PHO4 i s r etai ned i n the nucl eus by bi ndi ng to DN A. H To test the f i r st
hy pothesi s, w e ar e ex am i ni ng the subcel l ul ar l ocal i zati on of PHO4 i n a strai n f r om w hi ch PHO2
has been del eted. I Pr el i m i nar y r esul ts suggest that binding to P HO2 is not the w a y P HO4 is
re ta ine d in the nuc le us under l ow phosphate condi ti ons. J To test the second hy pothesi s, w e ar e
generati ng a m utant ver si on of PHO4 f r om w hi ch the DN A bi ndi ng dom ai n has been del eted. K Thi s
PHO4 m utant w i l l be i ntr oduced i nto yeast and i ts subcel l ul ar l ocal i zati on w i l l be deter m i ned.
1. “Ex pr essi on” i n sentence A i s now “tr anscr i pti on. ”
2. The poi nt that acti v ati on of tr anscr i pti on depends on ex tr acel l ul ar phosphate l ev el s
(sentence B) i s pl aced af ter the poi nt about how tr anscr i pti on of PHO5 i s acti v ated (A).
Thus, the suppor ti ng sentences C and D com e r i ght af ter the topi c sentence they suppor t
(B), and the k ey ter m “phosphate l ev el s” i n C r epeats “phosphate l ev el s” i n B.
3. “Retai ned” i s added to sentence D, to pr epar e f or “r etai ned” i n sentence E.
4. The tw o hy potheses ar e w r i tten one af ter the other , they ar e stated pr eci sel y , and the sam e
k ey ter m s ar e used i n both. In addi ti on, the k ey ter m “hy pothesi s” i s used to i denti f y both.
In sentence F, the k ey ter m “PHO2” i s i denti f i ed as a nucl ear pr otei n to pr ov i de conti nui ty
w i th sentence E. The techni que i s l i nk i ng k ey ter m s (the categor y ter m “nucl ear pr otei n, ”
w hi ch now appear s bef or e “PHO2, ” l i nk s to “nucl eus” i n E).
5. In sentence I, “i nter acti on” i s changed to “bi ndi ng. ” “Local i zati on” i s changed to “r etai ned. ”
(Actual l y , the enti r e subject, v er b, and com pl eter ar e changed. )
6. Or i gi nal sentence J (the second possi bi l i ty ) i s om i tted because the second hy pothesi s i s
stated i n sentence G.
Revision 2
Rev i si on 2 i s the sam e as Rev i si on 1 ex cept that sentence F bel ow r epl aces sentences F and G
(both hy potheses i n one sentence), and the begi nni ng of sentences H and J ar e m ade m or e
speci f i c, as show n bel ow .
F The ex pl anati on m ay be that PHO4 i s r etai ned i n the nucl eus by bi nd i ng to a nucl ear
com ponent, ei ther PHO2 or DN A. H To test bi ndi ng to PHO2, … . J To test bi ndi ng to DN A, … .
P. 358
Revision 3
A, B In the yeast Sacchar om y ces cer ev i si ae, tra ns c ription of the aci d phosphatase PHO5 i s
r egul ated by ex tracel l ul ar phosphate l evel s thr ough the transcr i pti on f actor PHO4. C When yeast
cel l s ar e gr ow n i n m edi um contai ni ng hi gh phosphate l evel s, PHO4 enter s the cy topl asm and PHO5
i s not transcr i bed. D When yeast cel l s ar e gr ow n i n m edi um w i thout phosphate, PHO4 i s re ta ine d
i n the nucl eus. D' Ther e, i n conjuncti on w i th a second transcr i pti on f actor, PHO2, i t acti vates
transcr i pti on of PHO5. E Ther e ar e tw o hy potheses f or how PHO4 i s r etai ned i n the nucl eus under
l ow phosphate condi ti ons. F One
hy pothesi s i s that PHO4 bi nds to the nucl ear pr otei n PHO2. H To
test thi s hy pothesi s, w e studi ed nucl ear r etenti on of PHO4 i n a strai n that l ack s PHO2.
I Pr el i m i nar y r esul ts suggest that bi ndi ng of PHO4 to PHO2 i s not r equi r ed f or the nucl ear
r etenti on of PHO4 under l ow phosphate condi ti ons. J The second hy pothesi s i s that PHO4 bi ndi ng to
DN A thr ough i ts DN A bi ndi ng dom ai n i s r esponsi bl e f or r etai ni ng PHO4 i n the nucl eus. K To test
thi s hypothesi s, w e pl an to study the nucl ear r etenti on of a PHO4 m utant f r om w hi ch the DN A
bi ndi ng dom ai n has been del eted.
Revision 4
A Tra ns c ription of the aci d phosphatase PHO5 i n the yeast Sacchar om y ces cer ev i si ae i s r egul ated
by the transcr i pti on f actor s PHO4 a nd P HO2. B The i ntracel l ul ar loc a tion of PHO4, and
consequentl y the transcr i pti on of PHO5, ar e r egul ated by ex tracel l ul ar phosphate l evel s. C When
yeast cel l s ar e gr ow n i n m edi um contai ni ng hi gh phosphate l evel s, PHO4 i s l ocated i n the cy
topl asm and ther ef or e i s unabl e to acti vate transcr i pti on of PHO5. D When yeast cel l s ar e gr ow n i n
m edi um contai ni ng l ow phosphate l evel s, PHO4 i s transl ocated to and r etai ned i n the nucl eus,
w her e, i n conjuncti on w i th PHO2, i t acti vates transcr i pti on. E How PHO4 i s r etai ned i n the nucl eus
i s unk now n. F One hy pothesi s i s that PHO4 i s r etai ned i n the nucl eus by bi ndi ng to the nucl ear
transcr i pti on f actor PHO2. H , I How ever, pr el i m i nar y r esul ts f r om studi es per f or m ed i n yeast
l ack i ng PHO2 suggest that bi ndi ng of PHO4 to PHO2 i s not r esponsi bl e f or r etai ni ng PHO4 i n the
nucl eus under l ow phosphate condi ti ons. JA second hy pothesi s i s that PHO4 i s r etai ned i n the
nucl eus by bi ndi ng to DN A v i a i ts DN Abi ndi ng dom ai n. K To test thi s hy pothesi s, PHO4 l ack i ng the
DN A bi ndi ng dom ai n i s bei ng generated. L Thi s m utant w i l l be i ntr oduced i nto yeast and i ts
subcel l ul ar l ocati on w i l l be deter m i ned.
Exercise 3.3: Linking Key Terms

Revision 1
A Medi cati ons,
di etar y def i ci enci es, i nf l am m ator y m edi ator s, abnor m al cal ci um m etabol i sm , and
decr eased phy si cal exer ci se have al l been i m pl i cated i n the pathogenesi s of decr eased bone
m i neral densi ty i n chi l dr en w i th juveni l e r heum atoi d ar thr i ti s (r ef s). B Recent ev i dence now
i ndi cates that one ty pe of m edi cati on, gl ucocor ti coi ds, decr eases bone m i neral densi ty and
degrades m uscl e i n these chi l dr en (r ef s);… .
Thi s r ev i si on i s l i k e Ex am pl e 3. 17: “One m em ber of thi s f am i l y , Dr osophi l a Decapentagl egi c, … ”
Revision 2
B Recent ev i dence now i ndi cates that gl ucocor ti coi ds, a ty pe of m edi cati on used occasi onal l y to
tr eat chi l dr en w i th juveni l e r heum atoi d ar thr i ti s, decr ease bone m i neral densi ty and degrade
m uscl e i n these chi l dr en (r ef s);… .
P. 359
Thi s r ev i si on i s l i k e Rev i si on A of Ex am pl e 3. 16: “The v er bB gene, an oncogene of the av i an
er y thr obl astosi s v i r us, … . ”
Revision 3
B Recentev i dence now i ndi cates that gl ucocor ti coi d m edi cati on decr eases bone m i neral densi ty
and degrades m uscl e i n these chi l dr en (r ef s);… .
Thi s r ev i si on i s l i k e Rev i si on B of Ex am pl e 3. 16, “The v er bB oncogene… . ”
In al l thr ee r ev i si ons, k ey ter m s ar e l i nk ed the second ti m e “m edi cati on” i s used.
Exercise 3.4: Repeating Key Terms Exactly and Early and

Linking Key Terms
Revision 1
A Bl ood pr oducts ar e used f r equentl y i n the car e of si ck pr eter m i nf ants, but thei r use m ay
i ncr ease the r i sk of i ntracrani al hem or r hage. B Thi s r i sk m ay be decr eased by opti m i zi ng the rate
of bl ood pr oduct i nf usi on. C Ther ef or e,
w e studi ed the ef f ects of var i ous rates of bl ood pr oduct
i nf usi on on tw o indic a tors of the ris k of intra c ra nia l he morrha ge , cer ebral bl ood f l ow and
i ntracrani al pr essur e, i n si ck pr eter m i nf ants w i thi n the f i r st 7 day s af ter bi r th.
COMMEN TS

In Rev i si on 1, the k ey ter m s “bl ood pr oducts” and “the r i sk of i ntr acr ani al hem or r hage” f r om
sentences A and B ar e r epeated i n sentence C. “Vol um e ex pansi on” i s om i tted.
The k ey ter m s “ti m i ng, ” “m ethod, ” and “r api di ty ” ar e r epl aced by the pr eci se ter m “r ate. ”
“Adm i ni str ati on” i s changed to the pr eci se ter m “i nf usi on. ”
In addi ti on, the k ey ter m “si ck pr eter m i nf ants” f r om A i s r epeated i n C r ather than bei ng
changed to “sm al l pr eter m i nf ants”—a v er y di f f er ent popul ati on.
Repeat Key Terms Early

In sentence B, the cl i ni ci ans ar e om i tted, thus al l ow i ng “r i sk ” to be r epeated ear l y .
Link Key Terms

“Cer ebr al bl ood f l ow ” and “i ntr acr ani al pr essur e” ar e i denti f i ed as i ndi cator s of the r i sk of
i ntr acr ani al hem or r hage, thus l i nk i ng these k ey ter m s.
Revision 2
A Bl oodpr oducts ar e used f r equentl y i n the car e of si ck pr eter m i nf ants. B How ever, i f bl ood
pr oducts ar e i nf used rapi dl y, c a us ing s udde n e x pa ns ion of blood volume , the r i sk of
i ntracrani al hem or r hage m ay be i ncr eased. C We suspected that thi s r i sk var i es w i th the rate at
w hi ch bl ood vol um e i s ex panded. D Ther ef or e,
w e studi ed the ef f ects of var i ous rates of ex pandi ng
bl ood vol um e on tw o indic a tors of the ris k of intra c ra nia l he morrha ge , cer ebral bl ood f l ow and
i ntracrani al pr essur e, i n si ck pr eter m i nf ants w i thi n the f i r st 7 day s af ter bi r th.
P. 360
Sentence B of Rev i si on 2 m ak es cl ear the r el ati on betw een bl ood pr oducts and bl ood v ol um e by
addi ng “causi ng sudden ex pansi on of bl ood v ol um e. ” Thi s l i nk i ng of k ey ter m s al l ow s the sw i tch
f r om “bl ood pr oducts” i n the f i r st tw o sentences to “bl ood v ol um e” i n the l ast tw o sentences.
The k ey ter m “r api dl y ” i n sentence B pr epar es f or the categor y ter m “r ate” i n C, but these k ey
ter m s ar e not l i nk ed.
Exercise 3.5: The Value of Transitions
1. Re la tions hip: The second sentence gi ves the nex t step.
How you “Then” i m pl i es the nex t step.

k now :
2. Re la tions hip: The second sentence ex pl ai ns how the m i cr ospher es w er e

pr epar ed.
How you “In br i ef ” i m pl i es an ex pl anati on.

k now :
N ote that f r equentl y peopl e use “br i ef l y ” f or “i n br i ef . ” Al so note that i f “br i ef l y ” m eant
“f or a shor t ti m e, ” the sentence w oul d be w r i tten “They w er e suspended br i ef l y i n 1 m l
of dex tr an sol uti on… . ” How ev er , i t i s better to speci f y the dur ati on of the suspensi on:
“They w er e suspended f or 5 s i n 1 m l of dex tr an sol uti on… . ”
3. Re la tions hip: Har d to tel l .
How you N o transi ti on w or d.

k now :
Ev en though m ost r eader s m i ght guess r i ght (“i n br i ef ” i s the tr ue r el ati onshi p), the
poi nt i s that the r eader shoul d not be guessi ng. U si ng the appr opr i ate tr ansi ti on w or d
m ak es the l ogi cal r el ati onshi p i ncapabl e of bei ng m i sunder stood.
Exercise 3.6: Transition Phrases
A Hepatocy tes cul tur ed i n ti ssue sl i ces, w her e cel l contacts and ti ssue or gani zati on ar e l ar gel y
r etai ned, conti nue ti ssuespeci f i c transcr i pti on at near l y nor m al l evel s i n cul tur e m edi a.
B How ever, hepatocy tes gr ow n i n cel l cul tur e, w her e cel l contacts and ti ssue or gani zati on ar e
di sr upted, have sever el y al ter ed l evel s of transcr i pti on. C To avoi d al ter ed l evel s of transcr i pti on,
one appr oach has been to com bi ne ex tracel l ul ar m atr i x w i th pur e hepatocy tes i n cul tur e.
OR: C To ma inta in norma l tra ns c ription,
C One a pproa c h us e d to ma inta in norma l le ve ls of tra ns c ription ha s be e n… . (Thi s i s a

tr ansi ti on cl ause. )
“N or m al ” r epeats a k ey ter m f r om sentence A i n addi ti on to r epeati ng “tr anscr i pti on” f r om A

and B.
Exercise 3.7: Transition Clauses

EXAMPLE 1
The patter n of or gani zati on of thi s par agr aph i s “sol uti on–pr obl em . ” Sentence A states a potenti al
sol uti on. Sentences B and C descr i be l i m i tati ons of
P. 361
(pr obl em s w i th) thi s sol uti on. So the tr ansi ti on cl ause at the begi nni ng of sentence B shoul d state
that sentence B descr i bes a l i m i tati on.
Re vis ion 1 (Adds a transi ti on cl ause)
A Xenogenei c transpl antati on, or the transpl antati on of or gans betw een speci es, i s a potenti al
sol uti on to the sever e shor tage of donor or gans f or cl i ni cal transpl antati on [1, 2]. B One
limita tion to x e noge ne ic tra ns pla nta tion i s chr oni c i m m unol ogi c r ejecti on, w hic h i s m edi ated
by both cel l ul ar and hum oral pathway s [3]. C How ever, the pr i m ar y l i m i tati on i s hy peracute
r ejecti on, w hi ch i s tr i gger ed by the r eci pi ent's natural anti bodi es di r ected agai nst the donor 's
endothel i al cel l s [4].
The end of sentence B i s condensed. N ote al so that the k ey ter m “x enogenei c” i s r epeated ex actl y
i n sentence B.
In sentence C, r epeated w or ds (“to x enogenei c tr anspl antati on”) ar e om i tted.
OR: B A limita tion of x e noge ne ic tra ns pla nta tion tha t pre ve nts e x te ns ive us e i s
B This pote ntia l s olution is limite d by
OR: C How e ve r, in w ide ly dis pa ra te s pe c ie s , a more importa nt limita tion i s
Re vis ion (U ses a second topi c sentence—sentence B—f ol l ow ed by a transi ti on cl ause

2 at the begi nni ng of sentence C)
A Xenogenei c transpl antati on, or the transpl antati on of or gans betw een speci es, i s a potenti al
sol uti on to the sever e shor tage of donor or gans f or cl i ni cal transpl antati on [1, 2]. B How e ve r,
x e noge ne ic tra ns pla nta tion ha s tw o limita tions . C One limita tion is chr oni c i m m unol ogi c
r ejecti on, w hi ch i s m edi ated by both cel l ul ar and hum oral pathway s [3]. D The pr i m ar y l i m i tati on
i s hy peracute r ejecti on, w hi ch i s tr i gger ed by the r eci pi ent's natural anti bodi es di r ected agai nst
the donor 's endothel i al cel l s [4].
Re vis ion (Reor gani zes the suppor ti ng sentences: m ost to l east i m por tant and
3 si m ul taneousl y chr onol ogi cal or der )
A Xenogenei c transpl antati on (the transpl antati on of or gans betw een speci es) i s a potenti al
sol uti on to the sever e shor tage of donor or gans f or cl i ni cal transpl antati on [1, 2]. B P re s e ntly,
the prima ry limita tion to x e noge ne ic tra ns pla nta tion is hype ra c ute re je c tion, w hi ch i s
tr i gger ed by the r eci pi ent's natural anti bodi es di r ected agai nst the donor 's endothel i al cel l s [3].
C In a ddition, in the long te rm, x e noge ne ic tra ns pla nta tion is limite d by c hronic re je c tion,
w hi ch i s m edi ated by both cel l ul ar and hum oral pathway s [4].
OR: C Eve n if this a c ute re je c tion is a voide d,
EXAMPLE 2
The patter n of or gani zati on of thi s par agr aph i s “pr o. ” So the tr ansi ti on cl ause at the begi nni ng of
sentence B shoul d state that the suppor ti ng sentences gi v e ar gum ents i n f av or of i ncl udi ng
al bum i n i n the cul tur e m edi um .
P. 362
Revision 1
A Another questi on that f r equentl y ar i ses w hen w e tr y to i ncr ease apoB secr eti on by hepatocy tes
gr ow n i n cul tur e i s w hether or not al bum i n shoul d be i ncl uded i n the cul tur e m edi um . B One
a rgume nt in fa vor of inc luding a lbumin is tha t al bum i n appear s to be an ef f ecti ve si nk f or tox i c
pr oducts r el eased i nto the m edi um by dam aged cel l s (r ef ). C Anothe r a rgume nt is tha t al bum i n
sol ubi l i zes water i nsol ubl e l ongchai n f atty aci ds by com pl ex i ng w i th them (r ef ), thus rai si ng the
l i pi d l evel i n the cul tur e m edi um . D Ther ef or e, al bum i n coul d i ncr ease apoB secr eti on, w hi ch
depends on l i pi d l evel s i n the m edi um . E We
ther ef or e tested di f f er ent concentrati ons of f etal
bov i ne ser um al bum i n (f r om 0 to 15%, v /v ) on the l evel of apoB secr eted i n the cul tur e m edi um
and deter m i ned that 6. 5% (v /v ) i s the i deal concentrati on f or our pur poses.
OR: B Evide nc e for inc luding a lbumin is tha t… . C Furthe r e vide nc e is tha t… .
B One a dva nta ge of inc luding a lbumin is tha t… . C Another advantage i s… .
B In s upport of inc luding a lbumin, (Thi s i s a tr ansi ti on phr ase. ) a lbumin a ppe a rs … . C In
a ddition, … .
Revision 2
gr ow n i n cul tur e i s w hether or not al bum i n shoul d be i ncl uded i n the cul tur e m edi um . B Tw o
a rgume nts s upport inc luding a lbumin. C One a rgume nt is tha t al bum i n appear s to be an
ef f ecti ve si nk f or tox i c pr oducts r el eased i nto the m edi um by dam aged cel l s (r ef ). D Anothe r
a rgume nt is tha t al bum i n sol ubi l i zes water i nsol ubl e l ongchai n f atty aci ds by com pl ex i ng w i th
them (r ef ), thus rai si ng the l i pi d l evel i n the cul tur e m edi um . E Ther ef or e, al bum i n coul d i ncr ease
apoB secr eti on, w hi ch depends on l i pi d l evel s i n the m edi um . É Si nce
al bum i n appear s l i kel y to
be usef ul i n the cul tur e m edi um , the nex t questi on i s w hat the i deal concentrati on i s f or m ax i m al
secr eti on of apoB. F We ther ef or e tested di f f er ent concentrati ons of f etal bov i ne ser um al bum i n
(f r om 0 to 15%, v /v ) on the l evel of apoB secr eted i n the cul tur e m edi um and deter m i ned that
6. 5% (v /v ) i s the i deal concentrati on f or our pur poses.
Sentence B i s a topi c sentence.
Sentences C and D begi n w i th tr ansi ti on cl auses.
Sentence É adds a m i ssi ng step i n the l ogi c.
OR: B Tw o findings s upport… One finding is tha t… The othe r finding is tha t… ”
B Tw o a dva nta ge s of inc luding a lbumin ha ve be e n re porte d. One a dva nta ge is … . ”
Revision 3
gr ow n i n cul tur e i s w hether or not al bum i n shoul d be i ncl uded i n the cul tur e m edi um . B In
s upport of inc luding a lbumin, a lbumin

P. 363
ha s be e n found to be be ne fic ia l to c e lls in c ulture , a nd pa rtic ula rly for a poB s e c re tion.
C One of the be ne fits is tha t al bum i n appear s to be an ef f ecti ve si nk f or tox i c pr oducts r el eased
i nto the m edi um by dam aged cel l s (r ef ). D In addi ti on, al bum i n sol ubi l i zes water i nsol ubl e l ong
chai n f atty aci ds by com pl ex i ng w i th them (r ef ), thus rai si ng the l i pi d l evel i n the cul tur e
m edi um . E Ther ef or e, al bum i n coul d i ncr ease apoB secr eti on, w hi ch depends on l i pi d l evel s i n the
m edi um . F We ther ef or e tested the ef f ect of di f f er ent concentrati ons of f etal bov i ne ser um
al bum i n (f r om 0 to 15%, v /v ) on the l evel of apoB secr eted i n the cul tur e m edi um and
deter m i ned that 6. 5% (v /v ) i s the i deal concentrati on f or our pur poses.
Sentence B begi ns w i th a tr ansi ti on phr ase and ends w i th a topi c sentence. The tr ansi ti on
phr ase states the l ogi cal r el ati onshi p betw een sentences A and B. The topi c sentence gi v es
an ov er v i ew of sentences C–E by stati ng speci f i c r easons f or i ncl udi ng al bum i n i n the cul tur e
m edi um . In addi ti on to r epeati ng f our k ey ter m s f r om sentence A, the topi c sentence
i ntr oduces another k ey ter m that appear s i n sentence C.
Sentence C begi ns w i th a transi ti on cl ause, w hi ch cr eates conti nui ty f r om B to C by r epeati ng the

key ter m “benef i ts.”
EXAMPLE 3
Revision 1
A We asked w hether l owdensi ty l i popr otei ns (LDL) and hi ghdensi ty l i popr otei ns (HDL) f r om
ser um r egul ate the phosphoi nosi ti de/cal ci um cascade and exocy tosi s. B W e found tha t, i n pr i m ar y
cul tur es of ty pe II cel l s, both LDL and HDL sti m ul ated thre e s te ps in the
phos phoinos itide /c a lc ium c a s c a de : phosphoi nosi ti de catabol i sm , cal ci um m obi l i zati on, and
transl ocati on of pr otei n k i nase C f r om cy tosol i c to m em brane com par tm ents. C In a ddition, LDL
and HDL sti m ul ated e x oc ytos is , a s indic a te d by s e c re tion of phosphati dy l chol i ne (PC), the
m ajor phosphol i pi d com ponent of pul m onar y sur f actant. D The LDLinduc e d e ffe c ts , but not the
HDLinduc e d e ffe c ts , w e re inhibite d by he pa rin, w hic h bloc k s binding of liga nds to the LDL
re c e ptor.
B Transi ti on cl ause; l i nk i ng key ter m s
C Transi ti on w or d; r epeti ti on of key ter m s; transi ti on phrase (“as i ndi cated by ”)
D Key ter m r epeated ear l y
The or der of or i gi nal sentences B and C i s r ever sed, to agr ee w i th the or der i n the topi c
sentence.
Revision 2
ser um r egul ate the phosphoi nosi ti de/cal ci um cascade and exocy tosi s. B W e found tha t, i n pr i m ar y
cul tur es of ty pe II cel l s, both LDL a nd HDL s timula te d the phos phoinos itide /c a lc ium c a s c a de ,
a s indic a te d by the ir a c tiva tion of phosphoi nosi ti de catabol i sm , cal ci um m obi l i zati on, and
transl ocati on of pr otei n k i nase C f r om cy tosol i c to m em brane com par tm ents. C In addi ti on, both
LDL and HDL sti m ul ated e x oc ytos is , a s indic a te d by s e c re tion of phosphati dy l chol i ne (PC), the
m ajor phosphol i pi d com ponent of pul m onar y sur f actant. D The LDLi nduced ef f ects on the
phos phoinos itide /c a lc ium c a s c a de a nd e x oc ytos is , but not the
P. 364
HDLi nduced ef f ects, w er e i nhi bi ted by hepar i n, w hi ch bl ock s bi ndi ng of l i gands to the LDL
r eceptor.
B Transi ti on cl ause; r epeti ti on of key ter m s; transi ti on phrase (“as i ndi cated by ”)
Revision 3
ser um r egul ate the phosphoi nosi ti de/cal ci um cascade and exocy tosi s. B We f ound that, i n pr i m ar y
cul tur es of ty pe II cel l s, both LDL a nd HDL s timula te d this c a s c a de , s inc e both induc e d
phosphoi nosi ti de catabol i sm , cal ci um m obi l i zati on, and transl ocati on of pr otei n k i nase C f r om
cy tosol i c to m em brane com par tm ents. C In addi ti on, LDL and HDL sti m ul ated e x oc ytos is , s inc e
both induc e d c e lls to s e c re te phosphati dy l chol i ne (PC), the m ajor phosphol i pi d com ponent of
pul m onar y sur f actant. D The LDLi nduced ef f ects, but not the HDLi nduced ef f ects, w er e i nhi bi ted
by hepar i n, w hi ch bl ock s bi ndi ng of l i gands to the LDL r eceptor.
B Transi ti on cl ause; r epeti ti on of key ter m s; transi ti on cl ause (“si nce both i nduced…”)
Exercise 3.8: Keeping a Consistent Order and a Consistent

Point of View
EXAMPLE 1
Re vis ion 1 (Poi nt of v i ew : m or tal i ty, m or tal i ty, excepti on OR al l m or tal i ty )
A Mor tal i ty i n thi s ser i es of pati ents was 90%. B General l y, m or tal i ty i n cl i ni cal ser i es has been
gr eater than 80%. C The onl y excepti on i s the m or tal i ty of 46% r epor ted by Bol ey (2).
OR: The m or tal i ty of 46% r epor ted by Bol ey (2) i s the onl y excepti on.
Re vis ion 2 (Poi nt of v i ew : m or tal i ty, m or tal i ty )
A Mor tal i ty
i n thi s ser i es of pati ents was 90%. B Mor tal i ty i n other cl i ni cal ser i es has been gr eater
than 80%, except f or the m or tal i ty of 46% r epor ted by Bol ey (2).
Re vis ion 3 (Makes the i m pl i ed com par i son i n B ex pl i ci t)
A Mor tal i ty i n thi s ser i es of pati ents was 90%. B General l y, m or tal i ty i n cl i ni cal ser i es has been
about the sam e (gr eater than 80%). C The onl y excepti on i s the m or tal i ty of 46% r epor ted by
Bol ey (2).
Example 2
Re vis ion 1 (Poi nt of v i ew : ef f ect; or der : contracti on f i r st, r el ax ati on second)
A The r esponse pr oduced by brady k i ni n al one consi sted of a contracti on f ol l ow ed by a l onger

l asti ng r el ax ati on. B The m agni tude of the contracti on was i ncr eased af ter tr eatm ent w i th
i ndom ethaci n (2 µg/m l f or 20–30 m i n) and
P. 365
brady k i ni n. C How ever, the m agni tude of the r el ax ati on was r educed to 7% of that i nduced by
brady k i ni n al one.
Re vis ion 2 (Poi nt of v i ew : ef f ect)
A Contracti on f ol l ow ed by a l onger l asti ng r el ax ati on was the r esponse i nduced by brady k i ni n.

B Thecontracti on was str onger af ter i ndom ethaci n (2 µg/m l f or 20–30 m i n) was added al ong w i th
brady k i ni n, and the r el ax ati on was w eaker.
In Rev i si on 2, the data f or r el ax ati on ar e om i tted. Ideal l y , data shoul d be gi v en ei ther f or both
dependent v ar i abl es or f or nei ther . Si m i l ar l y , doses shoul d be gi v en ei ther f or both i ndependent
v ar i abl es or f or nei ther .
Re vis ion 3 (Poi nt of v i ew : cause)
A Brady k i ni n
al one i nduced a contracti on f ol l ow ed by a l onger l asti ng r el ax ati on. B Addi ng
i ndom ethaci n (2 µg/m l f or 20–30 m i n) al ong w i th brady k i ni n i ncr eased the m agni tude of the
contracti on and r educed the m agni tude of r el ax ati on to 7% of that i nduced by brady k i ni n al one.
Re vis ion 4 (Poi nt of v i ew : cause; over v i ew added; data f or the contracti on added)
A Brady k i ni n al one i nduced a tw ophase r esponse: a contracti on f ol l ow ed by a l onger l asti ng

r el ax ati on. B Addi ng
i ndom ethaci n (2 µg/m l f or 20–30 m i n) al ong w i th brady k i ni n i ncr eased the
m agni tude of the contracti on by X% and r educed the m agni tude of r el ax ati on by 93%.
EXAMPLE 3
Re vis ion (Poi nt of v i ew : ef f ect)
A Consi derabl e ev i dence i ndi cates that the apoB–contai ni ng l i popr otei ns (such as VLDL, IDL, LDL,
l i popr otei n [a]) ar e ather ogeni c (1). B For ex am pl e, af ter a di et r i ch i n f ats and chol ester ol was
f ed to nonhum an pr i m ates and m i ce, s e rum c onc e ntra tions of a poB–c onta ining lipoprote ins
w e re e le va te d. C In addi ti on, a the ros c le rotic le s ions de ve lope d i n the l ar ge ar ter i es.
In sentence B of the r ev i si on, the poi nt of v i ew (“ser um concentr ati ons”) i s an aspect of the
poi nt of v i ew i n sentence A (“apoB–contai ni ng l i popr otei ns”).
The topi c i n sentence B i s the subject (“ser um concentr ati ons”) and the acti on i s i n the v er bs
(“w er e”).
Si m i l ar l y , i n sentence C, the topi c i s the subject (“ather oscl er oti c l esi ons”) and the acti on i s
i n the v er b (“dev el oped”).
Fi nal l y , a tr ansi ti on w or d i s added at the begi nni ng of sentence B to i ndi cate the l ogi cal
r el ati onshi p of sentence B to sentence A. Instead of a tr ansi ti on w or d, a tr ansi ti on cl ause
that r epeats the k ey ter m “ev i dence, ” such as one of these, coul d be used:
Some of e vide nc e is tha t…
Evide nc e for a the roge ne s is is tha t…
Evide nc e from a nima l s tudie s is tha t…
P. 366
Exercise 3.9: Signaling Subtopics

A Di r ect am i no aci d sequence anal y si s of both the 57 and the 47 k D pr otei ns on PVDF show ed that
the pr otei ns w er e bl ocked at the N ter m i nus. B To over com e thi s bl ock , i nter nal am i no aci d
sequence anal y si s was per f or m ed on the pr otei ns f r om the SDSPAGE gel . C For the 57 k D
prote in, N ter m i nal sequence anal y si s of a m i x tur e of tw o cl eavage f ragm ents obtai ned af ter
tr y psi n di gesti on and pr eparati ve HPLC y i el ded tw o am i no aci d r esi dues f or each of 11 cycl es:
(Val /Al a)–(Phe/Tr p)–(Ty r /Pr o)–(Val /Hi s)–(Asn/Ly s)–(Val /Asp)–(Leu/Ty r )–(Asn/Pr o?)–(Gl u/Leu?)–
(Gl u/Il e?)–(Gl n/Pr o?). D For the 47 k D pr otei n, N ter m i nal sequence anal y si s of an i nter nal
f ragm ent obtai ned af ter tr y psi n di gesti on and pr eparati ve HPLC y i el ded 13 am i no aci d r esi dues,
cor r espondi ng w i th am i no aci d r esi dues 203 to 215 of hum an al phaenol ase (r ef ): Asp–Al a–Thr –
Asn–Val –Gl y–Asp–Gl u–Gl y–Gl y–Phe–Al a–Pr o.
“To ov er com e thi s bl ock ” at the begi nni ng of sentence B str engthens the conti nui ty because thi s
tr ansi ti on phr ase i s m or e pr eci se than the tr ansi ti on w or d “ther ef or e. ”
Exercise 3.10: Parallel Form and Signaling Subtopics

EXAMPLE 1 Parallelism in Two Sentences; Signaling Subtopics
Re vis ion (The ver si on you w oul d ex pect; that i s, the second sentence i s ex actl y
1 paral l el to the f i r st sentence. The contr ol s ar e om i tted. )
In ra t pa pilla ry mus c le , 3 m M caf f ei ne conver ted l oadsensi ti ve r el ax ati on (Fi g. 1A, B) to l oad
i nsensi ti ve r el ax ati on (Fi g. 1C, D). How ever, in c a t pa pilla ry mus c le , caf f ei ne di d not conver t
l oadsensi ti ve r el ax ati on to l oad i nsensi ti ve r el ax ati on at concentrati ons of 3 m M (Fi g. 2), 5 m M
(Fi g. 3), or 10 m M (data not show n).
Rev i si on 1 has tw o par al l el sentences. The sentences begi n w i th par al l el si gnal s of the subtopi cs
(“i n r at papi l l ar y m uscl e, ” “i n cat papi l l ar y m uscl e”) and hav e the sam e sentence patter n: subject
(caf f ei ne), v er b (conv er ted, di d not conv er t), com pl eter . N ote that the v er bs ar e ex act opposi tes.
Other v er bs w oul d be l ess appr opr i ate: “f ai l ed to conv er t” i m pl i es an a pr i or i ex pectati on of
conv er si on, w hi ch m ay not be r easonabl e; “f ai l ed to el i m i nate” (the or i gi nal v er si on) i s not
par al l el .
Or gani zed by the ani m al studi ed; ther ef or e, the si gnal of the subtopi cs nam es the ani m al :
“i n r at papi l l ar y m uscl e, ” “i n cat papi l l ar y m uscl e. ”
The l ast sentence no l onger descr i bes addi ng 3 m M caf f ei ne at 5 or 10 m M.
Re vis ion 2 (A ver si on or gani zed l i ke Rev i si on 1 but m or e conci se)
In rat papi l l ar y m uscl e, 3 m M caf f ei ne el i m i nated the l oad sensi ti v i ty of r el ax ati on (Fi g.
1A, B, C, D). In contrast, i n cat papi l l ar y m uscl e, not even 10 m M caf f ei ne el i m i nated the l oad
sensi ti v i ty of r el ax ati on (Fi gs. 2, 3).
Re vis ion (A ver si on that i ncl udes the contr ol r esul ts and om i ts the noti on of
3 “conver si on”)
P. 367
U nde r c ontrol c onditions , the r el ax ati on of rat and cat papi l l ar y m uscl es was l oad sensi ti ve
(Fi gs. 1, 2). Afte r 3 mM c a ffe ine , the r el ax ati on of ra t papi l l ar y m uscl e becam e l oad i nsensi ti ve
(Fi g. 1) but the r el ax ati on of c a t papi l l ar y m uscl e was sti l l l oad sensi ti ve (Fi g. 2) and r em ai ned
so even af ter 5 (Fi g. 3) or 10 m M caf f ei ne.
Or gani zed by the i ndependent v ar i abl e; ther ef or e, the si gnal of the subtopi cs nam es the
i ndependent v ar i abl e: “under contr ol condi ti ons, ” “af ter 3 m M caf f ei ne. ”
Re vis ion 4 (A ver si on that has a topi c sentence. The contr ol r esul ts ar e om i tted. )
Caf f ei ne had di f f er ent ef f ects on the l oad sensi ti v i ty of r el ax ati on i n rat and cat papi l l ar y m uscl e.
In ra t pa pilla ry mus c le , 3 m M caf f ei ne conver ted the l oad sensi ti v i ty of r el ax ati on (Fi g. 1A, B)
to l oad i nsensi ti v i ty (Fi g. 1C, D). How ever, in c a t pa pilla ry mus c le , caf f ei ne di d not conver t l oad
sensi ti v i ty to l oad i nsensi ti v i ty at concentrati ons of 3 m M (Fi g. 2), 5 m M (Fi g. 3), or 10 m M (data
not show n).
Re vis ion (A ver si on that has a topi c sentence that i ncl udes, and subor di nates, the
5 contr ol )
Al though papi l l ar y m uscl e r el ax ati on was l oad sensi ti ve under contr ol condi ti ons (no caf f ei ne) i n
both rats (Fi g. 1) and cats (Fi g. 2), r el ax ati on i n these m uscl es r esponded di f f er entl y to caf f ei ne.
In ra t pa pilla ry mus c le , r el ax ati on becam e l oad i nsensi ti ve w hen 3 m M caf f ei ne was added to
the bath (Fi g. 1). In contrast, in c a t pa pilla ry mus c le , r el ax ati on r em ai ned l oad sensi ti ve af ter 3
m M (Fi g. 2), 5 m M (Fi g. 3), or 10 m M caf f ei ne was added to the bath.
Re vis ion 6 (Shor test)

Caf f ei ne conver ted papi l l ar y m uscl e r el ax ati on f r om l oad sensi ti ve to l oad i nsensi ti ve i n rats but
not i n cats at al l concentrati ons tested (Fi gs. 1, 2 and 3).
EXAMPLE 2 Parallelism in More Than Two Sentences
Revision 1
E Aral di teem bedded ti ssues w er e secti oned at 1 µm w i th an ul tram i cr otom e (Por ter Bl um MT1).
Revision 2
B . C Tracheal segm ents f i xed i n Boui n's f i x ati ve w er e dehydrated i n graded ethanol sol uti ons,
cl ear ed i n al phater pi neol , em bedded i n paraf f i n, and
P. 368
secti oned at 7 µm w i th a r otar y m i cr otom e (Am er i can Opti cal ). D , E Tracheal segm ents f i xed i n
0. 2% gl utaral dehyde w er e dehydrated i n graded acetone sol uti ons, em bedded i n aral di te
(Pol y sci ences), and secti oned at 1 µm w i th an ul tram i cr otom e (Por ter Bl um MT1).
EXAMPLE 3 Preserving Parallel Form

To av oi d destr oy i ng the par al l el f or m i n thi s par agr aph, use a topi c sentence to state the contr ast
betw een the f etuses and the m other s and then, af ter a second topi c sentence, descr i be the detai l s
f or the f etuses.
Revision
Injecti on of nal oxone al ter ed the ar ter i al bl ood gas and pH r esponses of the f etuses but not those
of the m other s. The f etal r esponses depended on the si te of i njecti on. Af ter f etal i njecti on of
nal oxone, f etal ar ter i al bl ood pH and PO 2 both decr eased [f r om 7. 39 ± 0. 01 (SD) to 7. 35 ± 0. 02
and f r om 23. 0 ± 0. 5 to 20. 8 ± 0. 8 m m Hg, r especti vel y ]. Ther e was no change i n f etal ar ter i al
bl ood PCO 2 . Af ter m ater nal i njecti on of nal oxone, onl y f etal ar ter i al bl ood PO 2 decr eased (f r om
24. 4 ± 0. 8 to 22. 2 ± 1. 0 m m Hg). Ther e w er e no si gni f i cant changes i n f etal ar ter i al bl ood pH or
PCO 2 .
Exercise 3.11: Condensing

Revision 1
A Ex travasati on of Evans bl ue dye B was i ncr eased both i n the trachea and Cin the m ai n br onchi 45
and 60 m i n af ter ex posur e to ozone, D but not 15 or 30 m i n af ter ex posur e.
(32 w or ds)
A. N oun cl uster untangl ed, topi c = subject.
B. Acti on i n the v er b.
C. Par al l el f or m used.
D. Second sentence condensed.
Revision 2 (to show the use of “only”)

Ex travasati on of Evans bl ue dye was i ncr eased i n the trachea and the m ai n br onchi onl y at 45 and
60 m i n af ter ex posur e to ozone.
(24 w or ds)
Re vis ion 3 (to show condensi ng per m i tted by paral l el f or m )
At 45 and 60 m i n af ter ex posur e to ozone, ex travasati on of Evans bl ue dye was i ncr eased i n both
the trachea and the m ai n br onchi , al though at 15 and 30 m i n i t was not.
(33 w or ds)
In al l r ev i si ons, the v er b m ust be “w as i ncr eased, ” not “i ncr eased. ” The r eason i s that
“i ncr eased” coul d i m pl y that 45 m i n w as the m om ent w hen the i ncr ease began. How ev er , the
i ncr ease coul d hav e begun at 31 m i n.
P. 369
CHAPTER 4
Exercise 4.1: Introductions
Introduction 1
Strengths
The outstandi ng str ength of thi s Intr oducti on i s i ts Law r ence of Arabi a openi ng. Thi s openi ng
awakens i nter est by usi ng concr ete w or ds that evoke pow er f ul m ental i m ages: cam el s, gazel l es,
hot deser ts, bur r ow, deser t sun.
The Intr oducti on i s ver y r eadabl e, m ai nl y because the sentences ar e shor t (8 of the 10 sentences
have f ew er than 20 w or ds).
The new ness of the w or k i s ev i dent.
The Intr oducti on i s shor t.
Weaknesses
The f unnel l eadi ng to the questi ons i s not r i gor ous.
A. The f i r st sentence (A) does not i denti f y the gener al topi c of the paper . But i f the
Intr oducti on star ts cl oser to the speci f i c topi c (see Rev i si on 2 bel ow ), i t shoul d tr y to k eep
at l east som e of the w onder f ul i m ageev ok i ng w or ds.
C. A step i s m i ssi ng bef or e sentence C. The m i ssi ng step i s “So the questi on ar i ses, how do
ungul ates r egul ate thei r body tem per atur e?”
F. Sentence F i nter r upts the stor y . F does not suppor t E. G suppor ts E. F shoul d be om i tted,
or F can be i ncor por ated i nto sentence G (see Rev i si on 1, sentence D).
D–E. The unk now n i s not stated.
H. Sentence H i s ci r cul ar : “bur sts” = “shor t dur ati on. ” The subject of the sentence shoul d be
“these hi gh speeds, ” r ef er r i ng to 70 k m /h, and the new i nf or m ati on, shor t bur sts, bel ongs i n
the v er b and com pl eter (see Rev i si on 1, sentence F).
I. The l ogi cal r el ati on betw een sentences H and I i s not stated. At m i ni m um , H and I shoul d
be i n one sentence begi nni ng w i th “Because. ” For f ul l er di spl ay s of l ogi c, see sentence F of
Rev i si on 1 and sentence E of Rev i si on 2.
A–G. Key ter m s f or ani m al s ar e changed. We hear about antel opes (ti tl e, E, I), or y x es (A),
gazel l es (A, F, G), and el and (F). Actual l y , or y x es, gazel l es, and el and ar e al l ty pes of
antel ope, but som e r eader s m ay not k now that. Onl y the ty pes of antel ope used i n thi s study
need to be nam ed i n the Intr oducti on, and they shoul d be i denti f i ed as ty pes of antel ope
(see Rev i si on 1, sentence D).
The questi ons ar e not com pl ete (questi on 1) or cl ear l y der i v ed (questi on 2).
Inf or m ati on m i ssi ng f r om questi on 1 i s the i ndependent var i abl e (r unni ng), w hat heat
storage pl ay s a r ol e i n (heat bal ance or tem peratur e r egul ati on), and the ani m al .
The di spl ay of thi nk i ng l eadi ng to questi on 2 i s m i ssi ng. Thi s di spl ay of thi nk i ng needs to
m ake cl ear how the subti tl e (“Independence of Brai n and Body Tem peratur es”) r el ates to
questi on 2 (see sentence G of Rev i si on 1 and sentence F of Rev i si on 2).
The questi ons shoul d not be cal l ed “si m pl e.”
Sentence C has a l ot of r ef er ences. If a r ev i ew ar ti cl e i s avai l abl e, i t shoul d be ci ted i nstead of

al l the i ndi v i dual r ef er ences. Other w i se, onl y the
P. 370
m ost sem i nal r ef er ences shoul d be ci ted. Keep i n m i nd that the r ef er ence l i sts i n the paper s ci ted
can l ead r eader s to the other paper s.
The ex per i m ental appr oach i s not stated. It shoul d pr obabl y be added.
Revision 1
INDEPENDENCE OF BRAIN AND BODY TEMPERATURES PERMITS HEAT

STORAGE IN RUNNING ANTELOPE
A The ex i stence of cam el s, antel ope, and other ungul ates i n hot deser ts has l ong f asci nated
phy si ol ogi sts, because, unl i ke r odents, ungul ates ar e too l ar ge to escape the sun by bur r ow i ng or
by f i ndi ng shade. B Thus, ex ter nal heat l oads pose m ajor pr obl em s of tem peratur e r egul ati on f or
them (f or a r ev i ew, see r ef. 1).
C How ever, i nter nal heat l oads m ay pose even gr eater pr obl em s of tem peratur e r egul ati on. D For
ex am pl e, a ty pi cal deser t antel ope, the gazel l e, r unni ng at 70 k m /h pr oduces heat at 40 ti m es i ts
basi c m etabol i c rate (2). E How antel ope cope w i th thi s ex tra heat i s unk now n. F Because the hi gh
speeds ar e usual l y of shor t durati on, i t i s possi bl e that antel ope m i ght stor e heat w hi l e r unni ng
and then di ssi pate i t dur i ng per i ods of r el ati ve i nacti v i ty. G Heat storage, though, w oul d r equi r e
phy si ol ogi c m echani sm s f or copi ng w i th hi gh body tem peratur e, such as pr ef er enti al pr otecti on of
nor m al brai n tem peratur e.
H To deter m i ne w hether heat i s stor ed i n r unni ng antel ope, w e m easur ed thei r cor e body
tem peratur e w hi l e they ran ar ound a track i n the deser t. I In addi ti on, to deter m i ne w hether
nor m al brai n tem peratur e i s m ai ntai ned, w e m easur ed brai n tem peratur e.
Comments on Revision 1
The m i ssi ng step i s added (B).
A r ev i ew ar ti cl e i s substi tuted f or i ndi v i dual r ef er ences (B).
The gazel l e i s i denti f i ed as a ty pe of antel ope (D).
The poi nt about speed i s subor di nated to av oi d br eak i ng the conti nui ty (D).
The unk now n i s added (E).
A f ul l er di spl ay of thi nk i ng l eadi ng to questi on 1 i s added (F).
XThe w or d “bur sts” i s om i tted to av oi d ci r cul ar statem ent (F).
The thi nk i ng l eadi ng to questi on 2 i s added (G).
Questi on 1 i s m ade m or e speci f i c, r ef l ecti ng the possi bi l i ty nam ed i n F, thus el i m i nati ng the
need to def i ne w hat heat stor age pl ay s a r ol e i n (H).
The i ndependent v ar i abl e (r unni ng) and the ani m al s studi ed (antel ope) ar e i ncl uded i n
questi on 1 (H).
Questi on 2 i s m ade m or e speci f i c (I), thus f ol l ow i ng cl ear l y f r om (G) and r el ati ng cl ear l y to
the ti tl e.
The questi ons ar e not cal l ed “si m pl e” (H).
The ex per i m ental appr oach f or each questi on i s stated (H, I).
Revision 2
EFFECT OF RUNNING ON BRAIN AND BODY TEMPERATURE IN

ANTELOPES
A In or der f or cam el s, antel opes, and other ungul ates to sur v i ve i n hot deser ts, they m ust be abl e
to r egul ate thei r body tem peratur es. B Al though
P. 371
m ost w or k on the r egul ati on of body tem peratur e i n deser t ungul ates has been concer ned w i th
ex ter nal heat l oads (see r ef. 1 f or a r ev i ew ), i nter nal heat l oads m ay al so pose pr obl em s f or
tem peratur e r egul ati on. C For ex am pl e, one ty pe of deser t antel ope, the gazel l e, r unni ng at hi gh
speed (70 k m /h) pr oduces heat at 40 ti m es i ts basi c m etabol i c rate (2). D It i s not cl ear how
antel ope deal w i th thi s heat l oad. E Because hi ghspeed r unni ng usual l y occur s i n shor t bur sts, and
because di ssi pati on of thi s i nter nal l y pr oduced heat i s l i m i ted by the hi gh am bi ent tem peratur e, i t
seem s possi bl e that the antel ope m i ght al l ow i ts body tem peratur e to r i se rather than di ssi pate
thi s heat. F If body tem peratur e does r i se, m ai ntenance of the brai n at a l ow er tem peratur e than
the r est of the body w oul d be i m por tant si nce the brai n i s k now n to be m or e sensi ti ve to hi gh
tem peratur es than ar e the other or gans. G To deter m i ne w hether body tem peratur e r i ses i n
r unni ng antel opes and, i f so, w hether brai n tem peratur e r i ses equal l y, w e m easur ed both brai n
and body tem peratur es i n antel opes r unni ng at hi gh am bi ent tem peratur es.
COMMENTS ON REVISION 2
In addi ti on to the changes noted f or Rev i si on 1, Rev i si on 2 states the topi c of the paper
(tem per atur e r egul ati on) i n the f i r st sentence r ather than w ai ti ng unti l the thi r d sentence, as i n
the or i gi nal v er si on, and thus av oi ds the pr obl em of the m i ssi ng step. Rev i si on 2 al so pr esents a
detai l ed di spl ay of thi nk i ng l eadi ng to both questi ons (sentences E and F).
Al though both of the r ev i si ons f unnel to the questi ons cl ear l y and state the questi ons and the
ex per i m ental appr oach cl ear l y , nei ther i s as l i v el y as the or i gi nal v er si on, so ther e i s sti l l r oom
f or i m pr ov em ent. Rev i si on 1 has shor t sentences and k eeps som e of the concr ete i m ages of the
or i gi nal v er si on (cam el s, hot deser ts, bur r ow i ng, sun), but om i ts other s (or y x es, gazel l es,
bur sts) and adds som e heav y abstr act w or ds (per i ods of r el ati v e i nacti v i ty , phy si ol ogi c
m echani sm s, pr ef er enti al pr otecti on). Rev i si on 2 cl ear l y di spl ay s the thi nk i ng l eadi ng to the
questi ons but i s dul l because of abstr act w or ds (ungul ates, hi gh am bi ent tem per atur e,
m ai ntenance) and l ong sentences (f our of the si x sentences hav e m or e than 30 w or ds). Thus,
al though the r ev i si ons ar e m or e r i gor ous than the or i gi nal v er si on, they do not r ef l ect the
ex ci tem ent of sci enti sts f asci nated by thei r w or k that i s so appeal i ng i n the or i gi nal v er si on.
Introduction 2
Strengths
The statem ent of w hat i s k now n i s cl ear (A–G).
The f unnel nar r ow s l ogi cal l y f r om apoE to i ts i sof or m s.
An unk now n i s stated (H).
The i m por tance of the w or k i s stated (F).
Weaknesses
The questi on i s not cl ear l y r el ated to the unk now n.
The questi on i s not stated pr eci sel y (J).
The answ er i s not necessar y.
In sentence I, apoE shoul d be apoE4.
The sentences ar e l ong (m ean 26. 5 w or ds/sentence; 8 of the 11 sentences have about 30 w or ds).
P. 372
Revision
APOLIPOPROTEIN E4 INHIBITS NEURITE OUTGROWTH BY

DEPOLYMERIZING MICROTUBULES
1 A Apol i popr otei n (apo) E i s a 34k D pr otei n com ponent of l i popr otei ns that m edi ates thei r
bi ndi ng to the l ow densi ty l i popr otei n (LDL) r eceptor and to the LDL r eceptor r el ated pr otei n
(LRP) (1–4). B Apol i popr otei n E i s a m ajor apol i popr otei n i n the central ner vous sy stem , w her e i t
i s thought to r edi str i bute l i popr otei n chol ester ol am ong the neur ons and thei r suppor ti ng cel l s,
thus m ai ntai ni ng chol ester ol hom eostasi s (5–7). C In addi ti on to thi s f uncti on, apo E i n the
per i pheral ner vous sy stem r edi str i butes l i pi ds dur i ng r egenerati on (8–10).
2 D Thr ee com m on i sof or m s of apo E ex i st: apoE2, apoE3, and apoE4. D ´ These i sof or m s ar e the
pr oducts of thr ee al l el es—ε 2, ε 3, and ε 4—at a si ngl e gene l ocus on chr om osom e 19 (11).
E Apol i popr otei n E3, the m ost com m on i sof or m , has cy stei ne and ar gi ni ne at posi ti ons 112 and
158, r especti vel y (1, 12). E´ ApoE2 has cy stei ne at both of these posi ti ons (1, 12). E” ApoE4 has
ar gi ni ne at both (1, 12).
3 F The apoE4 al l el e (ε 4) i s a m ajor r i sk f actor f or sporadi c and f am i l i al l ateonset Al zhei m er 's

di sease (13–16). G In suppor t of thi s f i ndi ng, apoE4 i m m unor eacti v i ty has been detected i n both
the amy l oi d pl aques and the i ntracel l ul ar neur of i br i l l ar y tangl es seen i n postm or tem ex am i nati ons
of brai ns f r om Al zhei m er 's di sease pati ents (17, 18).
4 H The m echani sm by w hi ch apoE4 m i ght contr i bute to Al zhei m er 's di sease i s unk now n. I How ever,
our r ecent data dem onstrati ng that apoE4 stunts the outgr ow th of neur i tes f r om neur ons of the
dor sal r oot gangl i on (DRG) (19, 20) suggest that apoE4 m i ght contr i bute to Al zhei m er 's di sease
by stunti ng the outgr ow th of these neur i tes. I ´ Our data f ur ther suggest that outgr ow th m i ght be
stunted by r em odel i ng of the cy toskel eton, speci f i cal l y the m i cr otubul e sy stem . J Ther ef or e, as a
step towar d deter m i ni ng the m echani sm of apoE4′ s contr i buti on to Al zhei m er 's di sease, w e asked
w hether apoE4 i nhi bi ts neur i te outgr ow th of N eur o2a cel l s, a m ouse neur obl astom a cel l l i ne, by
r em odel i ng the m i cr otubul e sy stem of these cel l s.
COMMENTS
The m ai n changes i n thi s r ev i si on ar e i n the l ast thr ee sentences: the suggesti ons f r om pr ev i ous
data (I, I') and the questi on (J). Al l ar e m or e pr eci se, and thei r r el ati on to the m echani sm of
Al zhei m er 's di sease i s m ade cl ear . The l ast sentence (K), w hi ch states the answ er to the
questi on, i s om i tted.
Other changes:
B Addi ng “centr al ” bef or e “ner v ous sy stem ” hel ps contr ast w i th the per i pher al ner v ous
sy stem i n sentence C. Addi ng “thus” i ndi cates the tr ue r el ati onshi p.
C U si ng
“i n addi ti on” i nstead of “apar t f r om ” av oi ds m ak i ng the centr al ner v ous sy stem
seem uni m por tant.
D The topi c i s now the subject. Im por tant detai l s ar e tak en out of par entheses.
E' E” N ew sentences em phasi ze the new subtopi cs.
F The unnecessar y tr ansi ti on phr ase (“accum ul ati ng ev i dence dem onstr ates that”) i s
om i tted. The sentence i s condensed to m ak e one str ong poi nt. “ApoE” i s cor r ected to
“apoE4. ”
GA m or e pr eci se tr ansi ti on phr ase i s used. “ApoE” i s cor r ected to “apoE4. ”
P. 373
HA new par agr aph em phasi zes the nex t step i n the stor y (an unk now n).
I The noun cl uster i s untangl ed. “ApoE” i s cor r ected to “apoE4. ” The stor y i s k ept
f ocused on the unk now n—the m echani sm of Al zhei m er 's di sease.
I I 'A speci f i c statem ent of w hat apoE4 m i ght do r epl aces the v ague statem ent.
J The si gnal of the questi on i ndi cates that thi s study tak es a step tow ar d i denti f y i ng the
m echani sm of Al zhei m er 's di sease, w hi ch i s the ul ti m ate questi on. A pr eci se statem ent
of the i m m edi ate questi on addr essed i n thi s study r epl aces the statem ent of w hat
ex per i m ent w as done. The questi on l i nk s r em odel i ng w i th i nhi bi ti ng r ather than m ak i ng
these poi nts par al l el .
Sentence l ength i s shor ter because sentences C and F w er e shor tened and sentences D
and E w er e br ok en i nto tw o or thr ee sentences. The m ean i s now 20 w or ds/sentence;
onl y 5 of the 14 sentences hav e 30 w or ds or m or e.
Introduction 3
Strengths
The f unnel to the questi ons i s cl ear (f unnel , para. 1; questi ons, para. 3).
The general questi on at the begi nni ng of sentence J f ol l ow s cl ear l y f r om paragraph 1 (and
speci f i cal l y f r om sentence E).
The general questi on i ncl udes both the i ndependent var i abl e (al k al osi s) and the dependent
var i abl e (constr i cti on of the pul m onar y ci r cul ati on).
The new ness of the w or k i s ev i dent f r om the statem ent of the unk now n (C–E).
The i m por tance i s stated (para. 2).
The ex per i m ental appr oach i s stated (K, L).
The ani m al (new bor n rabbi ts) and the m ater i al (i sol ated, per f used l ungs) ar e stated i n the
ex per i m ental appr oach (K).
Weaknesses
Thi s Intr oducti on i s too l ong. The detai l s (tr ees) over shadow the stor y (f or est).
In par agr aph 2, G and H say about the sam e thi ng, so G or H can be om i tted.
Sentence I can be om i tted because i t r estates H.
In par agr aph 3, the f i r st thr ee speci f i c questi ons (J) ar e r eal l y ex per i m ental appr oach (see
K–L) and ther ef or e can be om i tted.
The f our th speci f i c questi on i s not par al l el to the f i r st thr ee speci f i c questi ons, so i t shoul d
be pr esented separ atel y .
The r esul ts (M) ar e unnecessar y . Mor eov er , the r esul ts ar e conf usi ng, par tl y because they
pr ov i de m or e detai l than the r eader can cope w i th at thi s poi nt i n the paper and par tl y
because of a change of k ey ter m s: the dependent v ar i abl e m enti oned i n the f i r st r esul t i s
not pul m onar y v asoconstr i cti on, w hi ch i s w hat w e ex pect, but pul m onar y v ascul ar
r esi stance; how pul m onar y v ascul ar r esi stance r el ates to pul m onar y v asoconstr i cti on i s not
i ndi cated. Fi nal l y , i ncl udi ng r esul ts m ak es the Intr oducti on r ead l i k e an abstr act r ather than
an Intr oducti on.
The answ er (N ) does not answ er the questi on asked. In the answ er, the sequence of ex posur es to
the sti m ul i (al k al osi s and hy pox i a) i s the i ndependent var i abl e, but i n the questi on onl y al k al osi s
i s the i ndependent var i abl e. Al so, the questi on does not m atch the ti tl e, though the answ er does.
Si nce i t i s not cl ear w hat the questi on i s, the Intr oducti on does not pr epar e the r eader adequatel y
to under stand the r est of the paper.
P. 374
The r eason f or usi ng thr ee sequences of sti m ul i (L) i s not stated. It shoul d be.
The statem ent of the i m por tance (para. 2) i nter r upts the f l ow of thought betw een the f unnel
(para. 1) and the questi ons (para. 3).
The w r i ti ng i s heav y because of f ancy, abstract w or ds, a l ow rati o of ver bs to nouns, and som e
l ong sentences.
Revision
EFFECT OF ALKALOSIS ON HYPOXIAINDUCED PULMONARY
VASOCONSTRICTION IN LUNGS FROM NEWBORN RABBITS
1 A Al k al osi s, pr oduced pr i m ar i l y by m echani cal hy per venti l ati on, i s w i del y used i n the tr eatm ent
of new bor ns w ho have the sy ndr om e of per si stent pul m onar y hy per tensi on (15, 16). B Al though
m echani cal hy per venti l ati on i s of ten cl i ni cal l y ef f ecti ve i n the tr eatm ent of these i nf ants, i t i s not
cl ear w hether the cl i ni cal i m pr ovem ents dur i ng m echani cal hy per venti l ati on ar e due to the
al k al osi s r esul ti ng f r om the therapy. C The r esul ts of the f ew studi es of the ef f ect of al k al osi s on
hy pox i ai nduced pul m onar y vasoconstr i cti on i n l ungs of new bor n ani m al s have been var i abl e.
D Al k al osi s has been show n ei ther to r educe (10) or to have no ef f ect (13, 14) on constr i cti on of
the neonatal pul m onar y ci r cul ati on i n r esponse to al veol ar hy pox i a. E These var i abl e r esul ts m ay
have been caused by the di f f er ent sequences i n w hi ch the l ungs w er e ex posed to hy pox i a and
al k al osi s. F If al k al osi s does r educe hy pox i ai nduced pul m onar y vasoconstr i cti on, som e of i ts
har m f ul ef f ects m i ght be avoi ded by usi ng m etabol i c i nstead of m echani cal (r espi rator y )
al k al osi s.
2 G In thi s study, w e asked w hether or not al k al osi s r educes constr i cti on of the neonatal
pul m onar y ci r cul ati on i n r esponse to hy pox i a and w hether m etabol i c al k al osi s i s as ef f ecti ve as
r espi rator y al k al osi s. H To answ er these questi ons, w e m easur ed the vasoconstr i cti ve r esponses of
i sol ated, per f used l ungs f r om new bor n rabbi ts to r espi rator y or m etabol i c al k al osi s and hy pox i a
i n thr ee sequences: al k al osi s bef or e, dur i ng, and af ter al veol ar hy pox i a.
Structure of the Revision
Par agr aph A. Im por tance. B–D. U nk now n l eadi ng to questi on 1. E. Possi bl e r eason
1: f or the conf usi on descr i bed i n C–D, l eadi ng to the ex per i m ental appr oach.
F. Possi bl e sol uti on, l eadi ng to questi on 2.
Par agr aph G . Questi ons. H. Ex per i m ental appr oach.

2:
COMMENTS
The r ev i si on has been gr eatl y shor tened by om i tti ng r epeti ti on, unnecessar y detai l s, r esul ts, and
the answ er .
The r ev i si on has been r eor gani zed to begi n w i th the i m por tance. Thus, the questi ons com e
di r ectl y af ter the f unnel .
The r ev i si on adds a questi on about m etabol i c v s. r espi r ator y al k al osi s (G) and di spl ay s thi nk i ng
l eadi ng to thi s questi on (F).
Thus, the r ev i si on r esol v es m ost of the w eak nesses of the or i gi nal v er si on. How ev er , the w r i ti ng
i s sti l l heav y .
P. 375
CHAPTER 5
Exercise 5.1: A Clearly Written Methods Section
TOP IC + Signa l of the Topic
Methods
Preparation
Or gani zed chr onol ogi cal l y .
Mi ni m al use of techni ques of conti nui ty .
1 AN i ne dogs (14–25 k g) w er e a ne s the tize d w i th thi opental sodi um (25 m g/k g i . v. ) f ol l ow ed by

c hlora los e (80 m g/k g i . v. ). BSuppl em ental doses of c hlora los e (10 m g/k g i . v. ) w er e gi ven
hour l y to m ai ntai n a ne s the s ia . CThe dogs w er e paral y zed w i th decam ethoni um br om i de (0. 1
m g/k g) 10 m i n bef or e m easur em ents of tracheal secr eti on.
2 DThe trachea was cannul ated l ow i n the neck , and the l ungs w er e venti l ated w i th 50% ox ygen
i n ai r by a Har var d r espi rator (m odel 613), w hose ex pi rator y outl et was pl aced under 3–5 cm of
water. EPer cent CO 2 i n the r espi r ed gas was m oni tor ed by a Beck m an LB1 gas anal y zer, and end
ex pi rator y CO 2 concentrati on was kept at about 5% by adjusti ng the venti l ator y rate. FAr ter i al
bl ood sam pl es w er e w i thdraw n per i odi cal l y and thei r PO 2 , PCO 2 , and pH w er e deter m i ned by a
bl ood gas/pH anal y zer (Cor ni ng 175). GSodi um bi car bonate (0. 33 m eq/m l ) was i nf used i . v. (1–3
m l /m i n) w hen necessar y to m i ni m i ze a base def i ci t i n the bl ood.
3 HThe chest was opened i n the m i dster nal l i ne and a c a the te r was i nser ted i nto the l ef t atr i um
v i a the l ef t atr i al appendage. ICa the te rs w er e al so i nser ted i nto the r i ght atr i um v i a the r i ght
jugul ar vei n and i nto the abdom i nal aor ta v i a a f em oral ar ter y.
4 JA s e gme nt of the trachea (4–5 cm ) i m m edi atel y caudal to the l ar y nx was i nci sed ventral l y i n
the midline and transver sel y acr oss both ends of the midline i nci si on. K The dor sal wal l was l ef t
i ntact. LEach midline cut edge was r etracted l ateral l y by ny l on thre a ds to ex pose the m ucosal
sur f ace. MThe thre a ds w er e attached to a stati onar y bar on one si de and to a f or cedi spl acem ent
transducer (Grass FT03) on the other. N The s e gme nt was str etched to a basel i ne tensi on of 100–
125 g.
P. 376
Study Design
Or gani zed f r om m ost to l east i m por tant (par as. 5–8) and chr onol ogi cal l y (par as. 5–7).
One topi c sentence (par a. 7).
Conti nui ty pr i m ar i l y f r om r epeti ti on of k ey ter m s and tr ansi ti on w or ds and phr ases.
5 OTo deter m i ne w hether sti m ul ati on of pul m onar y Cf i ber s r ef l ex i vel y evokes i ncr eased
secr eti on f r om tracheal subm ucosal gl ands, w e sti m ul ated pul m onar y Cf i ber endi ngs i n each of
the 9 dogs by inje c ting c a ps a ic in (10–20 µg/k g) i nto the r i ght atr i um . PCa ps a ic in was taken
f r om stock sol uti ons pr epar ed as descr i bed el sew her e (4). QAt 10s i nter val s f or 60 s bef or e and
60 s af ter each inje c tion, w e m easur ed s e c re tions f r om tracheal subm ucosal gl ands. RAs a
contr ol , i n the sam e 9 dogs w e m easur ed s e c re tion i n r esponse to inje c tion of vehi cl e (0. 5–1. 0
m l ) i nto the r i ght atr i um . SInje c tions w er e separated by r esti ng per i ods of about 30 m i n.
6 TAl though c a ps a ic in sel ecti vel y sti m ul ates pul m onar y Cf i ber s f r om w i thi n the pul m onar y
ci r cul ati on, i t i s l i kel y to sti m ul ate other af f er ent pathway s, i ncl udi ng br onchi al Cf i ber s, once i t
passes i nto the s ys te mic ci r cul ati on (2, 5). U To ver i f y that secr eti on i n our ex per i m ents was not
caused by s ys te mic ef f ects of c a ps a ic in, w e nex t m easur ed secr eti on af ter i njecti ng c a ps a ic in
(10–20 µg/k g) i nto the l ef t atr i um and agai n, 30 m i n l ater, i nto the r i ght atr i um of al l 9 dogs.
7 VFi nal l y , to ver i f y that sti m ul ati on of pul m onar y Cfibe rs was r esponsi bl e f or the secr eti ons,
w e m easur ed secr eti on i n r esponse to capsai ci n (10–20 µg/k g i nto the r i ght atr i um ) i n the 9 dogs
bef or e and af ter bloc k ing c onduc tion i n both of the cer v i cal va gus ne rve s , w hi ch car r y the
pul m onar y Cf i ber s. WWe bloc k e d c onduc tion ei ther by c ooling the ner ves to 0°C as descr i bed
el sew her e (8) (4 dogs ) or by c utting the ner ves (5 dogs ). XBef or e the f i r st bloc k ing
e x pe rime nt on each dog, w e cut the r ecur r ent and parar ecur r ent ner ves so that the tracheal
segm ent r ecei ved i ts m otor suppl y sol el y f r om the super i or l ar y ngeal ner ves (14). YConsequentl y ,
w hen w e c oole d or c ut the m i dcer v i cal va gus ne rve s dur i ng an e x pe rime nt, w e coul d be cer tai n
P. 377
that the changes i n the tracheal r esponses w er e caused by i nter r upti on of the af f er ent vagal C
fibe rs .
8 ZAs a f ur ther check on the ef f ects of sti m ul ati ng (and bl ock i ng) pul m onar y Cf i ber s, i n each of
these ex per i m ents, w e al so m easur ed hear t rate, m ean ar ter i al pr essur e, and i som etr i c sm ooth
m uscl e tensi on of the tracheal segm ent, w hi ch ar e k now n to be al ter ed r ef l ex i vel y by sti m ul ati on
of pul m onar y Cf i ber s (3).
Methods of Measurement
Or gani zed f r om m ost to l east i m por tant.
Tw o topi c sentences (par as. 9, 10).
Str ong conti nui ty :
Par agr aph 9: Fr om r epeti ti on of k ey ter m s.
Par agr aph 10: Fr om a com bi nati on of f our techni ques of conti nui ty . Thi s i s a m odel
par agr aph.
9 AAThe rate of s e c re tion f r om sub muc os a l gla nd duc ts was assessed by c ounting hilloc k s of
muc us per uni t ti m e as descr i bed el sew her e (8). BBBr i ef l y , i m m edi atel y bef or e each ex per i m ent,
the muc os a l sur f ace was gentl y dr i ed and sprayed w i th ta nta lum. CCThe ta nta lum l ayer
pr evented the nor m al ci l i ar y di sper si on of s e c re tions f r om the openi ngs of the gla nd duc ts , so
the accum ul ated s e c re tions el evated the ta nta lum l ayer to f or m hilloc k s . DDHilloc k s w i th a
di am eter of at l east 0. 2 m m w er e c ounte d i n a 1. 2cm 2 f i el d of muc os a . EETo f aci l i tate
c ounting, the muc os a of the r etracted segm ent was v i ew ed thr ough a di ssecti ng m i cr oscope,
and i ts ima ge was pr ojected by a tel ev i si on cam era (Sony AVC 1400) onto a tel ev i si on scr een
together w i th the output f r om a time s igna l generator (3M Datav i si on DT1). FFThe ima ge and
the time s igna l w er e r ecor ded by a v i deotape r ecor der (Sony VO2600) f or subsequent pl ay back
and m easur em ent of the rate of hilloc k f or m ati on.
10 GGHe a rt ra te , m ean a rte ria l pre s s ure , and is ome tric s mooth mus c le te ns ion of the
tracheal segm ent w er e r ecor ded conti nuousl y thr oughout each ex per i m ent by a Grass pol ygraph.
HHHe a rt ra te was m easur ed by a car di otachom eter tr i gger ed by an el ectr ocar di ogram (l ead II).
IIArte ria l pre s s ure was m easur ed by a Statham P25Db strai n gauge connected to the catheter
P. 378
pl aced i n a f em oral ar ter y. JJIs ome tric s mooth mus c le te ns ion i n the segm ent was m easur ed
by a Grass FT03 f or ce di spl acem ent transducer attached to the l ateral edge of the r etracted
segm ent, as descr i bed el sew her e (1, 14).
Statistical Analysis
11 KK Data ar e r epor ted as m eans ± SD. LLTo deter m i ne i f ther e w er e s ignific a nt diffe re nc e s i n
secr eti on bef or e and af ter sti m ul ati on w i thi n each ex per i m ent, or si gni f i cant di f f er ences i n
secr eti on betw een the ex per i m ents, w e per f or m ed tw oway r epeatedm easur es anal y si s of
var i ance. MMWhen w e f ound a s ignific a nt diffe re nc e betw een ex per i m ents, w e per f or m ed the
Student N eum anKeul s test to i denti f y pai r w i se di f f er ences. N N We consi der ed diffe re nc e s
s ignific a nt a t P < 0. 05.
Organization and Continuity Within and Between Paragraphs

Thi s Methods secti on i s di v i ded i nto f our subsecti ons, each si gnal ed by a subheadi ng (Pr epar ati on,
Study Desi gn, Methods of Measur em ent, and Stati sti cal Anal y si s). Wi thi n each subsecti on, topi cs
ar e si gnal ed both v i sual l y (by new par agr aphs) and v er bal l y , and conti nui ty i s str ong. Topi c
sentences ar e used i n onl y thr ee par agr aphs: 7, 9, and 10. Sentence A i n par agr aph 1, f or
ex am pl e, i s not a topi c sentence. It i s the f i r st step of anesthesi a. A topi c sentence w oul d hav e to
say som ethi ng l i k e “Dogs w er e anestheti zed accor di ng to our usual pr ocedur e. ”
The ex per i m ent done to answ er the questi on (par a. 5) i ncl udes f i v e contr ol s: basel i ne (sentence
Q) and sham (sentence R), and thr ee v er i f i cati on contr ol s: v er i f i cati on that secr eti on w as not
caused by sy stem i c ef f ects of capsai ci n (par a. 6), v er i f i cati on that sti m ul ati on of pul m onar y C
f i ber s w as r esponsi bl e f or secr eti ons (par a. 7), and v er i f i cati on that sti m ul ati on of pul m onar y C
f i ber s af f ected other v ar i abl es as ex pected (par a. 8). Som e r eader s m i ght not noti ce the basel i ne
contr ol because i t i s not i denti f i ed. To m ak e the basel i ne contr ol m or e noti ceabl e, “(basel i ne)”
coul d be added af ter “f or 60 s bef or e” i n sentence Q.
N ote that the num ber of dogs i s stated f or the ex per i m ent and f or each contr ol (sentences O, R,
U , V).
Thr oughout the Methods secti on, r epeti ti on of k ey ter m s pr ov i des conti nui ty both w i thi n and
betw een par agr aphs. The r epeated k ey ter m s betw een par agr aphs ar e “dog(s), ” “tr achea” or
“tr acheal , ” “segm ent, ” “capsai ci n, ” “Cf i ber (s), ” “secr eti on(s), ” and “subm ucosal gl and(s). ” In
addi ti on, tr ansi ti on w or ds, tr ansi ti on phr ases, consi stent or der , consi stent poi nt of v i ew , par al l el
f or m , and si gnal s of subtopi cs pr ov i de conti nui ty w i thi n par agr aphs.
Poi nt of v i ew i s w el l handl ed. “We” i s used onl y i n the Study Desi gn and stati sti cal anal y si s, the
stor y tel l i ng subsecti ons of Methods. N ote that “w e” appear s
P. 379
onl y i n the sentences that m ov e the stor y f or w ar d: O, Q, R, U , V, W, X, Y, Z i n the Study Desi gn
and LL, MM, N N i n the stati sti cal anal y si s. In addi ti on, “w e” appear s at the begi nni ng of onl y tw o
sentences (W and N N ), so i t i s not obnox i ous.
Thus, w e can see that to k eep the stor y l i ne of the paper goi ng, thi s Methods secti on f ocuses i n
tw o w ay s on the m ethods that answ er the questi on. One w ay i s by the or gani zati on of topi cs f r om
m ost to l east i m por tant: the ex per i m ent done to answ er the questi on com es bef or e the contr ol s,
and the m ethods f or dependent v ar i abl es that answ er the questi on ar e descr i bed bef or e m ethods
f or other dependent v ar i abl es. The other w ay that thi s Methods secti on k eeps the stor y l i ne goi ng
i s by si gnal i ng the or gani zati on so that i t i s appar ent. The v i sual si gnal s used ar e subheadi ngs
and new par agr aphs. The v er bal si gnal s used ar e tr ansi ti on phr ases (par as. 5–8 of the Study
Desi gn and par a. 11 of the Stati sti cal Anal y si s) and topi c sentences (par as. 9 and 10 of Methods
of Measur em ent).
Exercise 5.2: Materials and Methods

The subheadi ngs shoul d be
Mater i al s (or i gi nal para. 5)
Pr eparati on (or i gi nal para. 1)
Study Desi gn (or i gi nal paras. 2 and 4)
Cal cul ati ons (or i gi nal para. 3)
Anal y si s of Data (or i gi nal para. 6).
REVISIONS
Materials
A Al l chem i cal s and a pr ostagl andi n E 2 radi oi m m unoassay k i t w er e pur chased f r om Si gm a (St.
Loui s, MO). B 3 Hpr ostagl andi n E 2 (speci f i c acti v i ty, 130 Ci /m m ol ) was pur chased f r om N ew
Engl and N ucl ear (Boston, MA).
C On the day of each ex per i m ent, w e pr epar ed stock sol uti ons of arachi doni c aci d (0. 33 m g/m l )
and i ndom ethaci n (16 m g/m l ) i n ethanol . D To r ul e out any ef f ect of ethanol on pr ostagl andi n E 2
pr oducti on, w e i ncubated N r i ngs of ductus ar ter i osus i n f r esh buf f er contai ni ng the m ax i m um
concentrati on of ethanol . E Af ter a 90m i n i ncubati on at 37°C, w e col l ected the buf f er and
m easur ed pr ostagl andi n E 2 . F Ethanol had no ef f ect on pr ostagl andi n E 2 pr oducti on (data not
show n).
Preparation
Revision 1
A We pr epar ed r i ngs of ductus ar ter i osus f r om 16 f etal l am bs (122–145 day s of gestati on; ter m i s
150 day s) that w er e del i ver ed by cesar ean secti on f r om spi nal l y anestheti zed ew es. B Af ter
ex sangui nati ng a l am b, w e r em oved the enti r e ductus ar ter i osus, di ssected i t f r ee of adventi ti al
ti ssue, and di v i ded i t i nto ei ght 1m m thi ck r i ngs [w et w ei ght, 22. 1 ± 8. 2 (SD) m g]. C Then w e
pl aced the r i ngs i n gl ass v i al s contai ni ng 4 m l of buf f er (50 m M Tr i s HCl , pH 7. 39, contai ni ng 127
m M N aCl , 5 m M KCl , 2. 5 m M CaCl 2 , 1. 3 m M MgCl 2 α 6 H 2 O, and 6 m M gl ucose) at 37°C. D We
bubbl ed al l buf f er sol uti ons w i th ox ygen. E Bef or e begi nni ng the ex per i m ents, w e al l ow ed the
pr eparati on to stabi l i ze f or 45 m i n.
P. 380
Revision 2
A Fr om 16 ex sangui nated 122 to 145day f etal l am bs (ter m i s 150 day s), w e exci sed the ductus
ar ter i osus, di ssected i t f r ee of adventi ti al ti ssue, and sl i ced i t ci r cum f er enti al l y i nto ei ght 1m m
thi ck r i ngs [w et w ei ght, 22. 1 ± 8. 2 (SD) m g]. B We i ncubated these r i ngs i n gl ass v i al s contai ni ng
4 m l of buf f er A (50 m M Tr i s HCl , pH 7. 39, contai ni ng 127 m M N aCl , 5 m M KCl , 2. 5 m M CaCl 2 , 1. 3
m M MgCl 2 · 6 H 2 O, and 6 m M gl ucose) at 37°C f or 45 m i n bef or e al l ex per i m ents.
Study Design
A To deter m i ne w hether exogenous arachi doni c aci d i ncr eases pr oducti on of pr ostagl andi n E 2 i n
the ductus ar ter i osus, w e per f or m ed ei ght ex per i m ents. B In each ex per i m ent, w e m easur ed
pr ostagl andi n E 2 content af ter i ncubati ng ei ght r i ngs of ductus ti ssue f r om one f etal l am b i n each
of thr ee consecuti ve buf f er s w i th or w i thout arachi doni c aci d. C Then w e cal cul ated pr ostagl andi n
E 2 pr oducti on. D The buf f er s w er e used w er e, f i r st, f r esh buf f er (basel i ne), then f r esh buf f er
contai ni ng 0. 2 µg/m l arachi doni c aci d, and f i nal l y f r esh buf f er contai ni ng 0. 2 µg/m l arachi doni c
aci d and 2 µg/m l of the pr ostagl andi n sy nthesi s i nhi bi tor, i ndom ethaci n. E Al l i ncubati ons w er e
done i n buf f er bubbl ed i n ox ygen at 37°C f or 90 m i n. F Betw een i ncubati ons i n the l ast tw o
buf f er s, w e washed the r i ngs i n f r esh buf f er f or 30 m i n. G At the end of the ex per i m ent, w e
bl otted the r i ngs dr y and w ei ghed them (w et w ei ght). H In ei ght contr ol ser i es, w e m easur ed
pr ostagl andi n E 2 content i n ei ght other r i ngs subjected to the sam e sequence of i ncubati ons and
washes, but i n buf f er al one.
I. The new f i r st sentence i s a topi c sentence. The nex t tw o sentences gi v e an ov er v i ew of the

ex per i m ent. The descr i pti on of the detai l s (D–F) av oi ds r epeti ti on.
II. Both the i ndependent and the dependent v ar i abl es ar e i ncl uded i n the ov er v i ew . The
dependent v ar i abl e (pr oducti on of pr ostagl andi n E 2 ) i s i denti f i ed as a cal cul ated v ar i abl e
(C). The m easur ed dependent v ar i abl e (pr ostagl andi n E 2 content) i s al so i ncl uded i n the
ov er v i ew (B).
III. Both contr ol s ar e i ncl uded i n the study desi gn. The basel i ne contr ol i s m enti oned i n sentence
D, w hi ch nam es the buf f er s. The contr ol ser i es, w hi ch w as i n a separ ate par agr aph i n the
or i gi nal v er si on, i s i n sentence H.
IV. The pur pose of addi ng i ndom ethaci n (to bl ock endogenous pr oducti on of pr ostagl andi n E 2 ) i s
added (sentence D).
V. Bubbl i ng w i th ox y gen, w hi ch w as m enti oned onl y i n the contr ol ser i es i n the or i gi nal
v er si on, i s cl ar i f i ed as hav i ng been done i n al l ex per i m ents (E). How ev er , i f bubbl i ng w i th
ox y gen i s i ncl uded i n the pr epar ati on subsecti on (as i n Rev i si on 1 of Pr epar ati on), change
sentence E i n the Study Desi gn to “Al l i ncubati ons w er e done at 37°C f or 90 m i n. ”
VI. The sam pl e si ze i s not cl ear i n the or i gi nal v er si on. Or i gi nal sentence E say s that ei ght r i ngs
of ductus ar ter i osus w er e i ncubated. Or i gi nal sentence L m enti ons a m ean “per ex per i m ent. ”
It i s not cl ear i f one ex per i m ent equal s one r i ng or i f m or e than one ex per i m ent usi ng ei ght
r i ngs w as done. We can guess that one r i ng cannot be one ex per i m ent, because
pr ostagl andi n E 2 w as
P. 381
m easur ed i n the buf f er sol uti on, to w hi ch al l ei ght r i ngs contr i buted. So one sequence of
i ncubati ons m ust be one ex per i m ent. The num ber of such sequences i s not stated i n the
or i gi nal v er si on. It shoul d be added. The r ev i si on m ak es the sam pl e si ze cl ear : ei ght
ex per i m ents, each done on ei ght r i ngs of ductus ar ter i osus tak en f r om one f etal l am b.
VII. Or i gi nal sentence L, w hi ch tel l s the m ean w ei ght of the r i ngs of ductus ar ter i osus, seem s
l i k e a r esul t, and thus seem s i nappr opr i ate to the Methods secti on. How ev er , the w ei ght of
the r i ngs i s not a r esul t that answ er s the questi on and ther ef or e i s not desi r abl e i n the
Resul ts secti on. Rather , the m ean w et w ei ght i s a v al ue used to ex pr ess pr ostagl andi n E 2
pr oducti on. Ther ef or e, i t i s m or e usef ul i n the Methods secti on than i n the Resul ts. One
opti on i s to i ncl ude the m ean w et w ei ght i n Pr epar ati on (see abov e).
Calculations
A We cal cul ated pr oducti on of pr ostagl andi n E 2 as m easur ed pr ostagl andi n E 2 content nor m al i zed
to ti ssue w ei ght and cor r ected f or per cent r ecover y : pg content per m g ductal ti ssue per m i n
i ncubati on/% r ecover y. B Bef or e m easur i ng pr ostagl andi n E 2 content, w e pur i f i ed the
pr ostagl andi ns f r om each buf f er sol uti on by f i r st aci di f y i ng the sol uti ons to pH 3. 5 w i th 1 N ci tr i c
aci d, then ex tracti ng the pr ostagl andi ns i n a 1:1 m i x tur e of cycl ohex ane and ethy l acetate, and
f i nal l y r unni ng the pr ostagl andi ns thr ough si l i ci c aci d m i cr ocol um ns (4). C To m easur e
pr ostagl andi n E 2 content, w e per f or m ed a radi oi m m unoassay usi ng a speci f i c rabbi t anti ser um
agai nst an al bum i nconjugated pr ostagl andi n E 2 pr eparati on. D To cal cul ate per cent r ecover y (the
am ount of pr ostagl andi n E 2 content r etai ned dur i ng the pur i f i cati on pr ocess), w e added a k now n
am ount of 3 Hpr ostagl andi n E 2 to each buf f er sol uti on bef or e the pur i f i cati on pr ocess and then
com par ed the radi oacti v i ty m easur ed bef or e and af ter pur i f i cati on. E Recover y of pr ostagl andi n E 2
ranged f r om 50 to 70%. F We r epor t pr osta gl andi n E 2 pr oducti on as pg pr ostagl andi n E 2 per m g

w et w ei ght ti ssue per 90m i n i ncubati on.
I. The f i r st sentence of the r ev i sed cal cul ati ons subsecti on i s a str onger topi c sentence than i n
the or i gi nal v er si on. Thi s topi c sentence gi v es an ov er v i ew that states how the dependent
v ar i abl e i n the questi on (pr oducti on of pr ostagl andi n E 2 ) w as cal cul ated.
II. The detai l s ar e r eor gani zed i n chr onol ogi cal or der : f i r st a pr el i m i nar y step (pur i f i cati on)
(B); then deter m i nati on of the tw o com ponents of the cal cul ati on: m easur em ent of content
(C) and cal cul ati on of r ecov er y (D), the sam e or der as i n the topi c sentence. The l ast tw o
sentences (per cent r ecov er y of pr ostagl andi n E 2 and how pr ostagl andi n E 2 pr oducti on i s
r epor ted) ar e i n the or i gi nal or der .
III. Per cent r ecov er y i s def i ned i n sentence D. In addi ti on, the detai l s of each step ar e pul l ed
together i nto one sentence, and the step i s i denti f i ed at the begi nni ng of the sentence (B–
D). Fi nal l y , “a k now n am ount” i s added i n sentence D to cl ar i f y the cal cul ati on of r ecov er y .
IV. Tw o pi eces of i nf or m ati on i n the cal cul ati on subsecti on at f i r st seem i nappr opr i ate to the
Methods secti on: or i gi nal sentences S and W. Sentence S tel l s the per cent r ecov er y of
pr ostagl andi n E 2 , w hi ch seem s l i k e a r esul t. How ev er , i t i s not a r esul t that answ er s the
questi on. Rather , i t tel l s som ethi ng
P. 382
about the m ater i al the author i s w or k i ng w i th and thus i s appr opr i ate i n the Methods secti on.
Sentence W states that the m ax i m um concentr ati on of ethanol had no ef f ect on

pr ostagl andi n E 2 pr oducti on. Agai n, thi s i s not a r esul t that answ er s the questi on. Know i ng
that ethanol had no ef f ect bel ongs i n Methods because i t i ndi cates a v al i d ex per i m ental
desi gn.
Thus, i nf or m ati on that l ook s l i k e r esul ts but does not hel p answ er the questi on i s m or e
appr opr i ate i n the Methods secti on than i n Resul ts.
Thi s r ev i si on uses “w e” thr oughout ex cept i n the f i r st par agr aph, to av oi d star ti ng the Methods
secti on w i th “w e. ” In the r em ai ni ng par agr aphs, “w e” i s used i n m ost sentences, but appear s at
the begi nni ng of a sentence as i nf r equentl y as possi bl e: ei ther zer o ti m es (second par agr aph of
Mater i al s), once (Rev i si on 2 of Pr epar ati on; Study Desi gn), or tw i ce (Rev i si on 1 of Pr epar ati on;
Cal cul ati ons). The m ai n techni que used to av oi d putti ng “w e” at the begi nni ng of a sentence i s to
put a tr ansi ti on w or d or phr ase i ndi cati ng ti m e sequence or pur pose at the begi nni ng of the
sentence. See, f or ex am pl e, sentences C and D of Mater i al s.
CHAPTER 6
Exercise 6.1: Results

Paragraph 1
Re vis ion 1 (Laundr y l i st; poi nt of v i ew : dependent var i abl e)
Bl ood and ur i ne ketone aci ds of the seven obese subjects i ncr eased m or e af ter 21 day s of the
pr otei n di et than af ter 21 day s of the m i xed di et (Fi g. 1). Pl asm a i nsul i n l evel s and m ean pl asm a
gl ucose both decr eased m or e af ter the pr otei n di et than af ter the m i xed di et. Pl asm a gl ucagon
di d not change af ter ei ther di et.
(56 w or ds)
Re vis ion 2 (Tw o sentences i nstead of thr ee)
Af ter the 21day pr otei n di et, bl ood and ur i ne ketone aci ds i ncr eased m or e and pl asm a i nsul i n
and gl ucose decr eased m or e than af ter the 21day m i xed di et i n the seven obese subjects (Fi g.
1). Pl asm a gl ucagon l evel s w er e no di f f er ent.
(40 w or ds)
Re vis ion 3 (Ef f ects and com par i sons separated; poi nt of v i ew : i ndependent var i abl e)
Both di ets i ncr eased bl ood and ur i ne ketone aci ds i n the seven obese subjects af ter 21 day s, but
the pur e pr otei n di et caused l ar ger i ncr eases than the m i xed di et di d (Fi g. 1). Both di ets
decr eased pl asm a i nsul i n and pl asm a gl ucose; agai n, the pur e pr otei n di et had a gr eater ef f ect.
N ei ther di et changed pl asm a gl ucagon.
(53 w or ds)
Re vis ion 4 (Topi c sentence added)
P. 383
Subs tra te a nd hormone le ve ls in the s e ve n obe s e s ubje c ts w e re a lte re d more by the 21da y
prote in die t tha n by the 21da y mix e d die t. Speci f i cal l y, bl ood and ur i ne ketone aci ds i ncr eased
m or e af ter the pr otei n di et than af ter the m i xed di et (Fi g. 1). Pl asm a i nsul i n concentrati ons and
pl asm a gl ucose concentrati ons decr eased m or e af ter the pr otei n di et than af ter the m i xed di et.
Pl asm a gl ucagon concentrati ons w er e not changed af ter ei ther di et.
(71 w or ds)
Re vis ion 5 (Topi c sentence onl y )
Substrate and hor m one l evel s i n the seven obese subjects w er e al ter ed m or e by the 21day
pr otei n di et than by the 21day m i xed di et (Fi g. 1).
(27 w or ds)
N ote: We do not actual l y k now i f gl ucose decr eased—onl y that i t w as l ess af ter the pr otei n di et.
Condensing Techniques
The f i r st thr ee r ev i si ons condense par agr aph 1 f r om 242 w or ds to 40–56 w or ds by
om i tti ng al l data f r om the tex t.
addi ng gr aphs f or gl ucose and gl ucagon to Fi gur e 1.
hangi ng the gr aph f or pl asm a i nsul i n to actual v al ues, not changes f r om basel i ne, thus
av oi di ng the need to gi v e basel i ne v al ues i n the tex t.
descr i bi ng tw o or thr ee v ar i abl es i n one sentence.
om i tti ng the f i gur e l egend at the begi nni ng of the par agr aph and ci ti ng the f i gur e at the end
of the f i r st r esul t.
om i tti ng r epeti ti on of “day 21. ”
Changes in Continuity
“Pr otei n di et, ” not “w hen car bohy dr ate w as el i m i nated” (or i gi nal sentence E).
“Mi x ed di et, ” not “car bohy dr atecontai ni ng di et” (or i gi nal sentence B). (Si m i l ar l y , i f the data
w er e k ept i n the tex t, the uni t of m easur em ent f or k etone aci ds shoul d be the sam e i n the
tex t and i n the f i gur e, not m m ol i n the tex t and m M i n the f i gur e).
The or der of com par i sons i s consi stent: al l com par i sons ar e f r om the pr otei n di et to the
m i x ed di et. (In the or i gi nal v er si on, the com par i son f or gl ucose i s f r om the m i x ed di et to
the pr otei n di et. Som e r eader s pr obabl y m i sr ead thi s com par i son as say i ng that pl asm a
gl ucose w as gr eater af ter the pr otei n di et than af ter the m i x ed di et. )
BEST PARAGRAPH
Par agr aphs 3 and 4 ar e pr obabl y the best par agr aphs i n thi s Resul ts secti on. How ev er , m ost
r eader s thi nk par agr aphs 4 and 5 ar e the best, pr obabl y because these ar e the onl y tw o
par agr aphs that do not begi n w i th a f i gur e l egend.
Par agr aph 4 has m any str engths. It i s shor t, i t begi ns w i th a r esul t (not a f i gur e l egend), data
and stati sti cal detai l s ar e subor di nated (though the data shoul d be separ ated f r om the r esul ts by
par entheses, not by com m as), and an i dea of the m agni tude of a di f f er ence i s gi v en (“20%
gr eater ”). In addi ti on, k ey ter m s nam i ng the di ets ar e consi stent, the poi nt of v i ew i n the thr ee
sentences i s consi stent, the thr ee sentences ar e appr opr i atel y i n par al l el f or m ,
P. 384
the topi c of each sentence i s si gnal ed by the k ey ter m at the begi nni ng, and tr ansi ti on w or ds ar e
used to i ndi cate the l ogi cal r el ati onshi ps betw een the sentences. How ev er , the l ogi c i s not
r i gor ous. The “how ev er ” at the begi nni ng of the second sentence r eal l y appl i es to the i dea i n the
thi r d sentence. Thus, the l ast tw o sentences shoul d r ead, “How ev er , because the cal cul ated
w ei ght l oss attr i butabl e to f l ui d l osses af ter the pr otei n di et w as al so gr eater than that af ter the
m i x ed di et, the esti m ated nonf l ui d w ei ght l oss af ter the pr otei n di et w as no di f f er ent f r om that
af ter the m i x ed di et. ”
Par agr aph 5 i s not as cl ear as par agr aph 4. Par agr aph 5 has som e of the sam e str engths as
par agr aph 4. It begi ns w i th a r esul t, i t subor di nates data, and i t k eeps the nam es of the di ets
consi stent. How ev er , par agr aph 5 has a conf usi ng l ack of si gnal s of the topi c at the begi nni ng of
the f i r st tw o sentences, w hi ch m ak es the contr ast di f f i cul t to see. In addi ti on, the poi nt of v i ew
i n the tw o sentences i s di f f er ent: sentence U , bl ood pr essur e v al ues; sentence V, f al l i n sy stol i c
bl ood pr essur e. Fi nal l y , “ex agger ated postur al decl i ne” i s unnecessar i l y f ancy and changes the
k ey ter m . Thi s par agr aph can be w r i tten m or e cl ear l y and si m pl y as f ol l ow s:
5 When the subjects w er e supi ne, bl ood pr essur e was not si gni f i cantl y di f f er ent f r om pr edi et
val ues af ter ei ther the pr otei n di et (119 ± 5/72 ± 4 v s. 114 ± 2/69 ± 2 m m Hg) or the m i xed di et
(114 ± 3/71 ± 3 v s. 114 ± 2/69 ± 3 m m Hg). How ever, w hen the subjects stood f or 2, 5, or 10
m i n, bl ood pr essur e decr eased m or e af ter the pr otei n di et than af ter the m i xed di et (by 28 ± 3
v s. 18 ± 3 m m Hg, P < 0. 02). The decr ease i n bl ood pr essur e was accom pani ed by an i ncr ease i n
adver se sy m ptom s i n al l seven subjects af ter the pr otei n di et but i n onl y one of the seven
subjects af ter the m i xed di et.
Reader s r ar el y choose par agr aph 3 as the best par agr aph i n thi s Resul ts secti on, pr obabl y
because i t begi ns w i th a f i gur e l egend and contai ns a l ot of data. How ev er , i f the f i r st sentence
(f i gur e l egend) i s om i tted, par agr aph 3 i s qui te cl ear . The i m por tant r esul t—the m i ner al bal ance
that changed—i s gi v en f i r st (sentence P). Then the m i ner al bal ances that di d not change ar e
gr ouped i n a si ngl e statem ent (sentence Q). Al though the data ar e num er ous, they ar e l i sted at
the end of the par agr aph, so r eader s can stop r eadi ng i f they ar e not i nter ested. A separ ate tabl e
f or these data i s not adv i sabl e because these data do not hel p answ er the questi on.
Par agr aph 2 i s not the best par agr aph because i t contai ns a f ai r am ount of i nf or m ati on that can
be om i tted or condensed. The f i r st sentence i s a f i gur e l egend, w hi ch i s unnecessar y . Sentences
I–K can be condensed by about onethi r d. For ex am pl e, “N ei ther m ean dai l y ni tr ogen bal ance nor
the ni tr ogen bal ance dur i ng the f i r st or l ast w eek of the pr otei n di et w as si gni f i cantl y di f f er ent
f r om the cor r espondi ng v al ues f or the m i x ed di et (m ean, 2. 1 ± 0. 9 v s. 2. 6 ± 0. 4 g per day ; f i r st
w eek , 4. 9 ± 0. 5 v s. 4. 6 ± 0. 3 g per day ; and l ast w eek , 1. 0 ± 0. 6 v s. 1. 6 ± 0. 3 g per day , P >
0. 1). How ev er , ni tr ogen bal ance w as m or e negati v e dur i ng the f i r st w eek than dur i ng the l ast
w eek . ” Sentence L states a m ethod. The m ethod shoul d be subor di nated to the r esul t i n the nex t
sentence. For ex am pl e, “In the subject gi v en each di et f or 5½ w eek s, dai l y ni tr ogen bal ance w as
si m i l ar af ter the tw o di ets (Fi g. 3). ”
Another questi on that can be r ai sed about thi s Resul ts secti on i s w hether the or der of the
par agr aphs i s opti m al . The topi cs i n the questi on ar e ni tr ogen and sodi um bal ance and bl ood
pr essur e and nor epi nephr i ne, so these ar e the topi cs w e w oul d ex pect to see i n the Resul ts
secti on. Why the Resul ts secti on begi ns w i th substr ate and hor m one l ev el s i s not cl ear . Si m i l ar l y ,
w hy w ei ght l oss com es af ter r esul ts f or ni tr ogen and sodi um bal ance and bef or e r esul ts f or bl ood
pr essur e and nor epi nephr i ne i s not cl ear .
P. 385
Paragraph 6
Rev i si on 1 (Poi nt of v i ew : dependent var i abl e)
Pl asm a nor epi nephr i ne concentrati ons, one of our i ndi cator s of sy m patheti c ner vous acti v i ty, f el l
bel ow pr edi et val ues af ter the pr otei n di et but not af ter the m i xed di et. How ever, the l ow er
concentrati ons occur r ed onl y w hen the subjects l ay supi ne or af ter the subjects stood f or 2 m i n
(Fi g. 5). Af ter the subjects stood f or 5 or 10 m i n, the pl asm a nor epi nephr i ne concentrati ons w er e
no di f f er ent f r om those bef or e the di et.
(67 w or ds)
Rev i si on 2 (Poi nt of v i ew i n the topi c sentence: i ndependent var i abl e)
Onl y the pr otei n di et had an ef f ect on pl asm a nor epi nephr i ne. Af ter the pr otei n di et, pl asm a
nor epi nephr i ne concentrati ons, one of our i ndi cator s of sy m patheti c ner vous acti v i ty, w er e l ow er
than bef or e the di et both w hen subjects w er e supi ne and af ter they stood f or 2 m i n (Fi g. 5).
How ever, af ter the subjects stood f or 5 or 10 m i n, the concentrati ons w er e equal to those bef or e
the pr otei n di et.
(65 w or ds)
Changes in Content
Each r ev i si on m ak es the contr ast cl ear i n a topi c sentence. Si nce each topi c sentence
i ndi cates that the m i x ed di et had no ef f ect on nor epi nephr i ne concentr ati ons, i t i s
unnecessar y to gi v e detai l s of r esul ts f or the m i x ed di et. Thus, both r ev i si ons condense the
r esul ts.
Al l r esul ts ar e about concentr ati ons, not som e about concentr ati ons (or i gi nal sentence AA)
and som e about i ncr eases i n the concentr ati ons (or i gi nal sentences Z and BB). Thus, the
contr ast i s cl ear .
In addi ti on, the r ev i si ons condense par agr aph 6 (f r om 104 w or ds to 67 or 65 w or ds) by
om i tti ng the f i gur e l egend and ci ti ng the f i gur e af ter the f i r st speci f i c r esul t, and by
om i tti ng unnecessar y w or ds.
Pl asm a nor epi nephr i ne i s i denti f i ed as an i ndi cator of sy m patheti c ner v ous acti v i ty (by the
techni que of l i nk i ng k ey ter m s), thus m ak i ng the connecti on to the questi on cl ear .
Figure Citation
In both r ev i si ons, the f i gur e coul d be ci ted af ter the topi c sentence, si nce the topi c sentence
gi v es a speci f i c r esul t. But si nce the second sentence r ef i nes the poi nt m ade i n the topi c
sentence, by l i m i ti ng the change to tw o ti m e per i ods, ci ti ng the f i gur e af ter the second sentence
gi v es the r eader a better i dea of w hat to l ook f or i n the f i gur e.
Change in Continuity
The pr otei n di et i s m enti oned bef or e the m i x ed di et, so the or der i n the com par i son i s the sam e
as that i n par agr aphs 1, 3, 4, and 5.
Word Choice
In the or i gi nal v er si on, “w i th” i n “i n r esponse to standi ng w i th the hy pocal or i c m i x ed di et”
(sentence Z) i s not cl ear .
In the or i gi nal v er si on, “obser v ed” (sentence Z) and “i ni ti ati on of ” and “ther apy ” (sentences
Z and AA) ar e unnecessar y .
P. 386
Exercise 6.2: Results

Revision
1 AW e w a nte d to de te rmine w he the r the s igna l tra ns duc tion me c ha nis ms for a c tiva tion of
phos pholipa s e C by thrombin a nd P DG F in va s c ula r s mooth mus c le c e lls a re diffe re nt from
e a c h othe r. A'Sinc e both thrombin a nd P DG F a ffe c t phos pholipid me ta bolis m (re f), w e firs t
e x a mine d the time c ours e for produc tion of IP 3 , IP 2 , a nd IP , thre e produc ts of the
e nzyma tic re a c tion c a ta lyze d by phos pholipa s e C, in re s pons e to thrombin a nd P DG F. A”We
f ound that thr om bi n (1 U /m l ) rapi dl y i ncr eased pr oducti on of IP 3 , IP 2 , and IP i n a sequenti al
m anner. BThe i ncr eases i n IP 3 and IP 2 pr oducti on w er e transi ent, r eachi ng a peak at 30 and 60 s,
r especti vel y, and decl i ni ng to near pr esti m ul ator y val ues w i thi n 5 m i n (Fi g. 1). CIn m ar ked
contrast to thr om bi n, PDGF (7. 5 nM) caused a sustai ned i ncr ease i n the pr oducti on of al l thr ee
m etabol i tes f or 6 m i n of sti m ul ati on. DNe x t, be c a us e IP 3 c a us e s the re le a s e of c a lc ium from
intra c e llula r s tora ge , w e e x a mine d the time c ours e for c a lc ium mobiliza tion. D'Consi stent
w i th the ti m e cour se f or IP 3 pr oducti on, thr om bi n caused a transi ent i ncr ease i n i ntracel l ul ar
[Ca 2 + ], w her eas PDGF caused a sustai ned i ncr ease (Fi g. 2). EThe di f f er ent ti m e cour ses of the
i ncr eases i nduced by thr om bi n and by P DG F suggest that the si gnal tr ansducti on m echani sm s f or
acti v ati on of phosphol i pase C by these tw o m i togens m i ght be di f f er ent.
2 FOne diffe re nc e be tw e e n the s igna l tra ns duc tion me c ha nis ms might re la te to the
involve me nt of G prote ins . F'To deter m i ne w hether G pr otei ns ar e i nvol ved, w e used per tussi s
tox i n, w hi ch m odi f i es the f uncti on of som e G pr otei ns. GWe f ound that per tussi s tox i n
si gni f i cantl y bl unted the thr om bi ni nduced i ncr eases i n IP 3 (Fi g. 1) and i ntracel l ul ar [Ca 2 + ] (Fi g.
2), i ndi cati ng that a per tussi s tox i n–sensi ti v e G pr otei n i s i nv ol v ed i n the si gnal tr ansducti on
m echani sm f or thr om bi n. HIn contrast, per tussi s tox i n di d not af f ect the PDGFi nduced i ncr eases
i n ei ther the pr oducti on of IP 3 (Fi g. 1) or i ntracel l ul ar [Ca 2 + ] (Fi g. 2), i ndi cati ng that ei ther no G
pr otei n or a per tussi s tox i n–i nsensi ti v e G pr otei n i s i nv ol v ed i n the si gnal tr ansducti on
m echani sm f or PDGF.
3 ITo a s k w he the r the s igna l tra ns duc tion me c ha nis m for a c tiva tion of phos pholipa s e C by
P DG F might involve a pe rtus s is tox in–ins e ns itive G prote in, w e e x a mine d the e ffe c t of
G TP γS, a s ta ble G TP a na log, on IP 3 produc tion in s a poninpe rme a bilize d va s c ula r s mooth
mus c le c e lls . JG TP γS ha s be e n s how n to pote ntia te ma ny G prote inme dia te d re s pons e s by
dire c t a c tiva tion of the G prote in (15–17). KWe f ound that i n per m eabi l i zed vascul ar sm ooth
m uscl e cel l s, GTPγ S i ncr eased IP 3 pr oducti on sy ner gi sti cal l y w i th both thr om bi n and PDGF (Fi g.
3). LThus, unl i k e thr om bi n, PDGF m ay use a per tussi s tox i n–i nsensi ti v e G pr otei n f or acti v ati on of
phosphol i pase C.
4 MTo s upport the notion tha t a pe rtus s is tox in–ins e ns itive G prote in is involve d in the
s igna l tra ns duc tion me c ha nis m for P DG F, w e te s te d gua nos ine 5′ O(2thiodiphos pha te )
(G DP βS), a n a na log of G DP . M'G DP βS blunts G prote inme dia te d c e llula r re s pons e s by
c ompe ting w ith G TP for binding (18). N We f ound that GDPβS bl unted PDGFi nduced IP 3
pr oducti on i n per m eabi l i zed cel l s (Fi g. 4). OThus, w her eas thr om bi n uses a per tussi s tox i n–
sensi ti v e G pr otei n as a si gnal tr ansducer to acti v ate phosphol i pase C i n v ascul ar sm ooth m uscl e
cel l s, PDGF appear s to use a per tussi s tox i n–i nsensi ti v e G pr otei n.
P. 387
5 PAn a dditiona l c ha ra c te ris tic of G prote in–me dia te d a c tiva tion of phos pholipa s e C in s ome
s ys te ms is tha t the y a re ofte n s ubje c t to fe e dba c k re gula tion by prote in k ina s e C.
P'The re fore a s e c ond diffe re nc e be tw e e n the s igna l tra ns duc tion me c ha nis ms for a c tiva tion
of phos pholipa s e C by thrombin a nd P DG F might be tha t the s e me c ha nis ms a re not e qua lly
s e ns itive to fe e dba c k re gula tion by prote in k ina s e C. P”To c he c k this pos s ibility, w e te s te d
the prote in k ina s e C s timula tor, phorbol 12myris ta te 13a c e ta te (P MA), w hic h blunts G
prote in–me dia te d a c tiva tion of phos pholipa s e C in s ome s ys te ms (19). QWe f ound that, i n
vascul ar sm ooth m uscl e cel l s, PMA str ongl y i nhi bi ted thr om bi ni nduced, but not PDGFi nduced, IP 3
pr oducti on (Fi g. 5). RPMA di d not af f ect basal pr oducti on of IP 3 (200 v s. 215 cpm /di sh).
S Consi stent w i th i ts ef f ect on IP 3 pr oducti on, PMA bl unted thr om bi ni nduced, but not PDGF
i nduced, Ca 2 + m obi l i zati on (Fi g. 6). T Thi s ef f ect of PMA r equi r es f uncti onal pr otei n k i nase C,
si nce PMA di d not i nhi bi t thr om bi ni nduced Ca 2 + m obi l i zati on i n cel l s that w er e m ade def i ci ent i n
pr otei n k i nase C acti v i ty (data not show n). T'Thus, w her eas the si gnal transducti on m echani sm
f or thr om bi n i s inhibite d by pr otei n k i nase C, the si gnal tr ansducti on m echani sm f or PDGF i s not.
6 U Sinc e P MA ha s be e n s ugge s te d to a c t on s e ve ra l ta rge ts , inc luding the binding of a

hormone to its re c e ptor, w e pe rforme d re c e ptorbinding s tudie s us ing 125 Ithrombin to s e e
if thrombin re c e ptors a re the ta rge t of P MA. VAcute PMA tr eatm ent di d not af f ect ei ther the
di ssoci ati on constant (K D ) f or thr om bi n or the m ax i m al bi ndi ng (B max ) f or thr om bi n (Fi g. 7).
WThus, PMA m ust act by i nter f er i ng w i th one or m or e ev ents di stal to the bi ndi ng of thr om bi n to
i ts r eceptor .
7 XAnothe r pos s ible ta rge t for P MA a c tion is the G prote in its e lf. YTo inve s tiga te this
pos s ibility, w e e x a mine d the e ffe c t of P MA on G TP γSinduc e d inos itol phos pha te re le a s e .
ZGTPγ S caused a pr ogr essi ve r el ease of i nosi tol phosphate, w hi ch was i nhi bi ted by 55% by PMA
tr eatm ent (Fi g. 8), suggesti ng that PMA i nhi bi ts thr om bi ni nduced cel l ul ar r esponses by af f ecti ng
the f uncti on of the G pr otei n di r ectl y .
Anothe r Re vis ion of P a ra gra phs 3–4:
3–4 ITo a s k w he the r the s igna l tra ns duc tion me c ha nis m for a c tiva tion of phos pholipa s e C
by P DG F might involve a pe rtus s is tox in–ins e ns itive G prote in, w e e x a mine d the e ffe c t of
G TP γS, a s ta ble G TP a na log, on IP 3 produc tion in s a poninpe rme a bilize d va s c ula r s mooth
mus c le c e lls . JG TP γS ha s be e n s how n to pote ntia te ma ny G prote in–me dia te d re s pons e s by
dire c t a c tiva tion of the G prote in (15–17). KWe f ound that i n per m eabi l i zed vascul ar sm ooth
m uscl e cel l s, GTPγ S i ncr eased IP 3 pr oducti on sy ner gi sti cal l y w i th both thr om bi n and PDGF (Fi g.
3). MTo c onfirm the e ffe c t of G TP γS, w e te s te d gua nos ine 5′ O(2thiodiphos pha te )
(G DP βS), a n a na log of G DP . M'G DP βS blunts G prote in–me dia te d c e llula r re s pons e s by
c ompe ting w ith G TP for binding (18). N We f ound that GDPβS bl unted PDGFi nduced IP 3
pr oducti on i n per m eabi l i zed cel l s (Fi g. 4). OThus, w her eas thr om bi n uses a per tussi s tox i n–
sensi ti v e G pr otei n as a si gnal tr ansducer to acti v ate phosphol i pase C i n v ascul ar sm ooth m uscl e
cel l s, PDGF appear s to use a per tussi s tox i n–i nsensi ti v e G pr otei n.
P. 388
COMMENTS ON THE REVISIONS

The f ol l ow i ng changes m ak e the stor y l i ne cl ear er :
Par a. 1
A, A'. Addi ng the questi on, the r eason, and an ov er v i ew of the ex per i m ent, and l i nk i ng
of the k ey ter m s “IP 3 , IP 2 , and IP” and “phosphol i pase C” at the begi nni ng.
D. Addi ng the r eason and an ov er v i ew of the ex per i m ent f or the cal ci um ex per i m ent.
A”. Addi ng a si gnal of the r esul ts (al so added i n par as. 2 and 4).
Par a. 2
F, F'. Addi ng a topi c sentence to state w hat the di f f er ence m i ght be and m ak i ng the
questi on m or e speci f i c, thus pr epar i ng the r eader to hear about G pr otei ns.
H. Addi ng the m i ssi ng answ er f or PDGF at the end of par agr aph 2, to pr epar e f or
par agr aph 3 (and m ak i ng the answ er f or PDGF par al l el to the answ er f or thr om bi n).
Par a. 3
I. Cal l i ng the m echani sm “the si gnal tr ansducti on m echani sm , ” not the “per tussi s tox i n–
i nsensi ti v e m echani sm , ” to av oi d assum i ng the r esul t bef or e doi ng the ex per i m ent, and
changi ng the questi on to “m i ght i nv ol v e a per tussi s tox i n–i nsensi ti v e G pr otei n, ” to be
consi stent w i th the answ er at the end of par agr aph 2.
L. Changi ng the answ er to state a di f f er ence betw een the tw o m echani sm s r ather than
a si m i l ar i ty , thus answ er i ng the questi on ask ed at the begi nni ng of the par agr aph and
r estati ng the questi on of the paper .
Par a. 4
M. Ei ther m ov i ng the pur pose f r om the second sentence to the begi nni ng or (better )
¶3 and 4. putti ng the contr ol i n the sam e par agr aph as the ex per i m ent.
Par a. 5
P, P', P”. Addi ng a sentence of back gr ound and the m i ssi ng questi on i n par agr aph 5,
f ol l ow ed by a tr ansi ti on phr ase (“To check thi s possi bi l i ty ”) to i denti f y the questi on
(stated as a possi bi l i ty ) i n P'.
A cr uci al poi nt i s that the questi on i n P' i s par al l el to the questi on i n F at the begi nni ng
of par agr aph 2. These tw o questi ons, F and P', connect to the questi on of the paper and
m ak e the ov er al l stor y (“f or est”) cl ear .
T'. Addi ng the m i ssi ng answ er at the end of the par agr aph.
CHAPTER 7
Exercise 7.1: Following the Story in a Discussion

Discussion 1
Questi on: To deter m i ne w hether i ncr easi ng hear t rate rather than decr easi ng af ter l oad, i ncr easi ng
pr el oad, or i ncr easi ng contracti l i ty i s the m ost ef f ecti ve m ethod of i ncr easi ng car di ac output i n
young l am bs.
P. 389
Discussion
1 A Contrar y to our ex pectati on, thi s study show s that inc re a s ing c ontra c tility, not inc re a s ing
he a rt ra te , is the mos t e ffe c tive me thod of inc re a s ing c a rdia c output in young la mbs .
B Decr easi ng af ter l oad and i ncr easi ng pr el oad, as ex pected, ar e al so not ef f ecti ve. C We f ound that
i ncr easi ng contracti l i ty by i nf usi ng i sopr oter enol w hi l e hear t rate was f i xed i ncr eased car di ac
output by 37% i n the younger l am bs (5–13 day s) and by 62% i n the ol der l am bs (15–36 day s).
D Incontrast, i ncr easi ng hear t rate above basel i ne di d not si gni f i cantl y i ncr ease car di ac output i n
the younger l am bs (4%) and i ncr eased car di ac output onl y m oderatel y i n the ol der l am bs (11%).
E Decr easi ng af ter l oad by i nf usi ng ni tr opr ussi de at a f i xed hear t rate had the sam e ef f ects as
i ncr easi ng hear t rate di d (2 and 11%). F Incr easi ng pr el oad by i nf usi ng bl ood or 0. 9% N aCl
i ncr eased car di ac output m oderatel y (by 20 and 16%, though the 16% i ncr ease was not
stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant).
2 G The r eason w e had not ex pected i ncr easi ng contracti l i ty to i ncr ease car di ac output
substanti al l y i s that in ne w borns c ontra c tility is ne a rly ma x ima l s o tha t the infa nt c a n
s urvive inde pe nde ntly of the mothe r. H N ever thel ess, the i ncr eases i n car di ac output r esul ti ng
f r om i ncr easi ng contracti l i ty, though sm al l by adul t standar ds (37 and 62% v s. about 800%),
w er e m uch gr eater than the i ncr eases r esul ti ng f r om i ncr easi ng hear t rate, decr easi ng af ter l oad,
and i ncr easi ng pr el oad.
3 I The re a s on for the une x pe c te dly s ma ll e ffe c t of inc re a s ing he a rt ra te is unc e rta in. J One
pos s ibility is tha t it w a s due to the pa c ing ra te . K Al though the basel i ne paci ng rate w e used,
200 beats/m i n, appr ox i m ates the r esti ng hear t rate of 1 to 2w eekol d l am bs, i t i s f aster than
the r esti ng hear t rate of 170 beats/m i n of 3 to 4w eekol d l am bs. L Ther ef or e, one coul d ar gue
that i f the basel i ne paci ng rate had been l ow er, l ar ger i ncr eases i n car di ac output coul d have
been attai ned by i ncr easi ng hear t rate above basel i ne. M How ever, our data show that the
m ax i m al per centage i ncr ease i n car di ac output that w oul d have been attai ned i f 170 beats/m i n
had been used as a basel i ne paci ng rate w oul d have been onl y 17. 5% i n the younger l am bs and
21. 0% i n the ol der l am bs. N These i ncr eases ar e f ar l ess than those w e f ound af ter i ncr easi ng
contracti l i ty (37% and 62%, r especti vel y ). O The re fore , the s ma ll e ffe c t tha t inc re a s ing he a rt
ra te ha d on inc re a s ing c a rdia c output is proba bly not due to the pa c ing ra te w e us e d.
4 P Anothe r pos s ibility is tha t the me thod w e us e d for c ontrolling he a rt ra te —ve ntric ula r
pa c ing—ma y ha ve c a us e d s ma lle r inc re a s e s in c a rdia c output tha n w ould re s ult from
s e que ntia l a triove ntric ula r pa c ing. Q Indeed, i t i s w el l k now n that atr i al sy stol e pl ay s an
i m por tant r ol e i n deter m i ni ng ef f ecti ve ventr i cul ar str oke vol um e (9). R How ever, i t i s unl i kel y
that i ncr eases i n car di ac output r esul ti ng f r om sequenti al atr i oventr i cul ar paci ng w oul d have been
gr eater than those r esul ti ng f r om i ncr easi ng contracti l i ty by i nf usi ng i sopr oter enol because at the
hear t rate at w hi ch w e w er e paci ng, atr i al contr i buti ons to car di ac output ar e m i ni m al (6). S Thus ,
he a rt ra te a ppe a rs to be le s s importa nt tha n c ontra c tility for inc re a s ing c a rdia c output in
young la mbs . T N ever thel ess, hear t rate i s i m por tant f or m ai ntai ni ng car di ac output, si nce w e
f ound that decr easi ng hear t rate bel ow basel i ne gr eatl y decr eased car di ac output.
5 U Although w e ha d not e x pe c te d de c re a s ing a fte rloa d to c a us e la rge inc re a s e s in c a rdia c

output, the inc re a s e s w e re not me re ly
P . 390
s ma ll but minima l. V The s e minima l inc re a s e s ma y re la te to the fa c t tha t nitroprus s ide not
only de c re a s e s a fte rloa d but a ls o de c re a s e s pre loa d by ve nodila tion. W Thus, i f the i ni ti al
pr el oad i s not opti m al f or the af ter l oad, decr easi ng pr el oad w i l l decr ease car di ac output. X As a
r esul t, the i ncr ease i n car di ac output i nduced by decr easi ng af ter l oad w i l l be counteracted by the
decr ease i n car di ac output i nduced by decr easi ng a subopti m al pr el oad. Y Thi s m i sm atch betw een
af ter l oad and pr el oad (10), w hi ch has been descr i bed f or f ai l i ng hear ts (10, 11), m ay al so be
occur r i ng i n the hear ts of our l am bs. Z If s o, this mis ma tc h ma y be the re a s on tha t de c re a s ing
a fte rloa d by infus ing nitroprus s ide in young la mbs doe s not c a us e la rge inc re a s e s in c a rdia c
output w ithin the ra nge of pre loa ds s e e n in our la mbs .
6 AA The la s t me thod of inc re a s ing c a rdia c output tha t w e te s te d, inc re a s ing pre loa d by
infus ing blood or 0. 9% Na Cl, yie lde d a s ma lle r pe rc e nta ge inc re a s e in c a rdia c output tha n
pre vious ly re porte d (1). B B The re a s ons for the s ma lle r pe rc e nta ge inc re a s e a re pa rtly tha t
w e infus e d s ma lle r volume s a nd pa rtly tha t the ba s e line pre loa ds w e re s ome w ha t highe r in
our la mbs be c a us e of ve ntric ula r pa c ing. C C Si nce the pr el oads of the l am bs i n our study w er e
hi gher than nor m al , the per centage i ncr ease attai nabl e by i ncr easi ng pr el oad was l ess. D D It i s
possi bl e, ther ef or e, that l ar ger i ncr eases i n car di ac output ar e attai nabl e by i nf usi ng l ar ger
am ounts of f l ui d i nto young l am bs that have nor m al atr i oventr i cul ar node conducti on.
7 EE Anothe r re a s on for our s ma lle r pe rc e nta ge inc re a s e s in c a rdia c output a fte r inc re a s ing
pre loa d c ould be tha t our indic a tor of pre loa d w a s ina c c ura te . F F The indic a tor w e us e d,
me a n le ft a tria l pre s s ure , ma y not be a s e ns itive indic a tor of pre loa d in the pre s e nc e of
a triove ntric ula r bloc k a de . GG To obtai n a m or e accurate assessm ent of pr el oad, w e m easur ed
l ef t ventr i cul ar enddi astol i c pr essur e i n tw o l am bs. H H How ever, l ef t ventr i cul ar enddi astol i c
pr essur e was di f f i cul t to i nter pr et because of w i de var i ati ons i n pr essur e at the sam e hear t rate.
I I These var i ati ons r esul ted ei ther f r om al terati ons i n the tem poral r el ati onshi p betw een atr i al and
ventr i cul ar contracti ons or f r om m ovem ent of the ventr i cul ar septum i nto the l ef t ventr i cl e dur i ng
r i ght ventr i cul ar paci ng. J J Ther ef or e, w e used m ean l ef t atr i al pr essur e to m easur e pr el oad.
KK W e be lie ve tha t a lthough me a n le ft a tria l pre s s ure ma y not re fle c t ra pid va ria tions in
pre loa d in the pre s e nc e of a triove ntric ula r bloc k a de , it a c c ura te ly me a s ure s ge ne ra l
pre loa d s ta te a nd c ha nge s in pre loa d s ta te .
8 L L In c ontra s t to pre vious re ports , w e found tha t is oprote re nol did not c ons is te ntly ha ve
hypote ns ive e ffe c ts . M M Mean aor ti c pr essur e decr eased i n the younger l am bs dur i ng
i sopr oter enol i nf usi on (Fi g. 4A), as i t di d i n pr ev i ous studi es (11–13). N N How ever, m ean aor ti c
pr essur e i ncr eased i n the ol der l am bs, and sy stol i c aor ti c pr essur e i ncr eased i n both gr oups of
l am bs dur i ng i sopr oter enol i nf usi on. O O These i ncr eases ar e i n contrast to pr ev i ous r epor ts of
decr eases i n m ean and sy stol i c aor ti c pr essur es dur i ng i sopr oter enol i nf usi on (12, 14). P P Si nce
the m ajor di f f er ence betw een our study and these other studi es was that the hear t rate was f i xed
i n our l am bs, i t i s possi bl e that som e of the hy potensi ve ef f ects of i sopr oter enol ar e due to i ts
str ong ef f ects on hear t rate.
9 O O In sum m ar y , thi s study show s that inc re a s ing c ontra c tility, a nd not inc re a s ing he a rt ra te ,
is the mos t e ffe c tive me thod of inc re a s ing
P . 391
c a rdia c output in young la mbs . RR Al though the i ncr ease i n car di ac output i n r esponse to
i ncr easi ng contracti l i ty i s l ess i n younger than i n ol der l am bs, i t i s sti l l gr eater than that
attai nabl e by changes i n hear t rate, af ter l oad, or pr el oad. SS N ever thel ess, i ncr easi ng car di ac
output i s of l i m i ted benef i t to the new bor n, m uch l ess than i ts benef i t to the adul t. TT Ther ef or e,
w hen tr eati ng the str essed new bor n, the cl i ni ci an m ust not onl y attem pt to i ncr ease car di ac
output i n or der to i ncr ease ox ygen suppl y, but m ust aggr essi vel y attem pt to m i ni m i ze ox ygen
dem and.
COMMENTS
1. In par agr aph 1, the si gnal of the answ er (sentence A) i s “thi s study show s that. ”
The statem ent of the answ er (sentences A, B) i s “i ncr easi ng contr acti l i ty , not
i ncr easi ng hear t r ate, i s the m ost ef f ecti v e m ethod of i ncr easi ng car di ac output i n
y oung l am bs. Decr easi ng af ter l oad and i ncr easi ng pr el oad, as ex pected, ar e al so not
ef f ecti v e. ”
The tr ansi ti on to the suppor ti ng r esul ts (sentence C) i s “We f ound that. ”
The r esul ts ar e stated i n sentences C–F.
The ani m al i s i ncl uded i n the answ er (sentence A), just as i t i s i n the questi on, and i s
r epeated i n the r esul ts (C, D).
2. The answ er (sentence A) answ er s the questi on: the k ey ter m s and the v er b ar e the sam e;
the v er b i s i n pr esent tense. How ev er , the or der of the v ar i abl es i s changed to put the
unex pected answ er f i r st.
3. The stor y l i ne i s cl ear , ex cept that ther e i s no conti nui ty f r om par agr aph 7 to par agr aph 8.
The Di scussi on i s or gani zed f r om m ost to l east i m por tant.
Par agr aph 1 states the answ er and the suppor ti ng r esul ts.
Par agr aphs 2–5 ex pl ai n the answ er : f i r st the answ er the author s got (par a. 2), then the
answ er they ex pected but di d not get (par as. 3 and 4), and then an answ er they di d not
ex pect and di d not get (par a. 5).
Par agr aphs 6–8 ex pl ai n di scr epanci es w i th the l i ter atur e: f i r st a di scr epancy f or one of
the i ndependent v ar i abl es (par as. 6 and 7) and then a di scr epancy f or a v ar i abl e not i n
the questi on (par a. 8).
The topi c sentences i n each par agr aph ar e i n bol df ace. Par agr aphs 3 and 6 begi n w i th
secti on topi c sentences, w hi ch cov er tw o par agr aphs (par as. 3 and 4 and par as. 6 and
7, r especti v el y ). Each secti on topi c sentence i s f ol l ow ed by a par agr aph topi c sentence.
The par agr aph topi c sentence at the begi nni ng of par agr aph 3 (sentence J) states the
topi c of the par agr aph. The par agr aph topi c sentence at the end of par agr aph 3
(sentence O) states the m essage of the par agr aph.
Par agr aph 5 al so has thr ee topi c sentences. U states the topi c of the par agr aph. V
states the m essage of the par agr aph. Z states the m essage m or e speci f i cal l y , based on
the suppor ti ng sentences (W–Y).
Tr ansi ti on w or ds, phr ases, and cl auses ar e i n i tal i cs. Repeated k ey ter m s ar e
under l i ned. The conti nui ty i n thi s Di scussi on depends heav i l y on r epeated k ey ter m s.
Conti nui ty betw een par agr aphs 3 and 4 i s al so assi sted by the par al l el tr ansi ti on
cl auses. In par agr aph 6, l i nk i ng k ey ter m s at the begi nni ng of AA f uncti ons as a
tr ansi ti on phr ase.
4. The si gnal of the endi ng (par agr aph 9) i s “i n sum m ar y . ” The si gnal of the answ er i s “thi s
study show s that. ”
The endi ng r estates the answ er and i ndi cates the i m por tance of the w or k by stati ng a
cl i ni cal i m pl i cati on (SS) f ol l ow ed by a r ecom m endati on (TT).
5. The answ er at the end m atches the answ er at the begi nni ng.
P. 392
Discussion 2
Questi on: To deter m i ne w hether the β 3 (118–131) sequence of the β 3 subuni t of i ntegr i n α IIb β 3
bi nds l i gand and al so bi nds cati on.
Discussion
1 A When pl atel ets ar e acti vated by agoni sts such as ADP or epi nephr i ne, i ntegr i n α IIb β 3 under goes
conf or m ati onal changes to becom e com petent to bi nd f i br i nogen and other l i gands (35, 37). B In
thi s study , w e pr ov i de f uncti onal ev i dence that the β 3 (118–131) s e que nc e of the β 3 s ubunit of
inte grin α I I b β 3 binds the liga nd fibronoge n and that it a ls o binds c a tion. C Cati on bi ndi ng i s
sur pr i si ng because i t occur s even though β 3 (118–131), w hi ch par ti al l y conf or m s to an EF handl i ke
m oti f that bi nds Ca 2 + i n m any pr otei ns (3, 54), l ack s the usual Gl y [but i n β 3 (118–131), i t i s Met
126] at the m i dposi ti on and gl u [but i n β 3 (118–131), i t i s Ser 130] as the l ast ox ygenated
coor di nati on si te.
2 D Thre e inde pe nde nt line s of inve s tiga tion provide func tiona l e vide nc e tha t the β 3 (118–
131) s e que nc e of α I I b β 3 binds the liga nd fibrinoge n. E Fi r st, m onocl onal anti body (MAb) 454,
w hi ch i s di r ected agai nst β 3 (118–131), bl ocked pl atel et aggr egati on and pl atel et adhesi on to
f i br i nogen, tw o f uncti onal r esponses that depend upon bi ndi ng of f i br i nogen to α IIb β 3 . F MAb 454
al so bl ocked bi ndi ng of f i br i nogen to pur i f i ed α IIb β 3 . G Second, the bl ock i ng ef f ects of the β 3 (118–
128) pepti de r ecapi tul ated those of the MAb. H Speci f i cal l y, thi s pepti de bl ocked pl atel et
aggr egati on and pl atel et adhesi on to f i br i nogen and bl ocked the bi ndi ng of f i br i nogen to pur i f i ed
α IIb β 3 . I Thi r d, m ass spectr oscopy dem onstrated that a com pl ex f or m ed betw een the β 3 (118–131)
pepti de and RGD l i gand pepti des. J The speci f i ci ty of thi s com pl ex i ng was i ndi cated by the pr eci se
stoi chi om etr y, 1:1, w i th w hi ch the com pl ex f or m ed, by the saturati on of com pl ex f or m ati on as a
f uncti on of i ncr easi ng RGD pepti de concentrati on, and by the f ai l ur e of num er ous other pepti des
to com pl ex w i th β 3 (118–131). K How e ve r, this c omple x ing, though s pe c ific , ma y not be
s e le c tive . Lβ
3 (118–131) m ay al so f or m com pl exes w i th the f i br i nogen γ chai n dodecapepti de.
M Al though
our m ass spectr oscopy ex per i m ents di d not detect com pl exes of thi s γ chai n
dodecapepti de w i th β 3 (118–131), thi s l ack of detecti on does not necessar i l y m ean that these
com pl exes do not occur. N The r eason these com pl exes w er e not detected m ay be that the af f i ni ty
betw een the γ chai n dodecapepti de and β 3 (118–131) i s l ow. O Al ter nati vel y, speci f i c env i r onm ental
r equi r em ents m ay have r educed the stabi l i ty of the com pl exes or m ay have pr evented detecti on
of the com pl exes, or both. P Thus , our da ta indic a te tha t β 3 (118–131) binds liga nd
s pe c ific a lly, but not tha t β 3 (118–131) ha s s e le c tive s pe c ific ity for the RG D liga nd pe ptide .
3 Q In a ddition to our finding tha t β 3 (118–131) binds liga nd, tw o inde pe nde nt a pproa c he s
provide c le a r e vide nc e tha t β 3 (118–131) binds c a tion. R One appr oach, f l uor escence ener gy
transf er f r om pr ox i m al Tr p and Ty r r esi dues, show ed that β 3 (118–131) bound Tb 3 + . S Thi s bi ndi ng
was i nhi bi ted by Ca 2 + , Mg 2 + , and Mn 2 + , i ndi cati ng the di val ent cati on bi ndi ng capabi l i ti es of
β 3 (118–131). T CAM m utant β 3 (118–131), i n w hi ch Asp119 i s r epl aced by Ty r, bound Tb 3 + to a
m uch l esser degr ee than di d w i l dty pe β 3 (118–131). U Thi s f i ndi ng str esses the i m por tance of the
am i noter m i nal coor di nati on si te, Asp119, f or cati on bi ndi ng f uncti on. V The other appr oach
show i ng that β 3 (118–131) bi nds cati on, m ass spectr oscopy, al so dem onstrated f or m ati on of a
com pl ex betw een β 3 (118–131) and Tb 3 + . W How ever, unl i ke the f l uor escence data, w hi ch show ed a
dram ati c di f f er ence (> 4f ol d) i n the bi ndi ng of Tb 3 + to

P. 393
β 3 (118–131) and to CAM m utant β 3 (118–131), m ass spectr oscopy show ed onl y a 1. 5f ol d
di f f er ence. X Ne ve rthe le s s , both a pproa c he s de mons tra te c a tion binding by β 3 (118–131) a nd
the importa nc e of As p119 in providing one of the c oordina tion s ite s for Tb 3+ binding.
4 Y Our finding tha t the β 3 (118–131) s e que nc e of the β 3 s ubunit of inte grin a lpha ; I I b β 3 binds
not only liga nd but a ls o c a tion s ugge s ts a ne w mode l for the me c ha nis m of liga nd binding to
inte grins . Z The m odel , w hi ch w e cal l the “cati on di spl acem ent m odel ,” pr oposes that, as a f i r st
step, cati on i s bound to a l i gandbi ndi ng si te on the i ntegi n r eceptor (Fi gur e 7). AA N ex t, an
unstabl e ter nar y i nter m edi ate com pl ex i s f or m ed betw een the r eceptor, the cati on, and the
l i gand. B B Eventual l y, as the com pl ex betw een the l i gand and the r eceptor stabi l i zes, the cati on i s
di spl aced f r om thi s com pl ex , l eav i ng the l i gand bound to the r eceptor. C C The m ost l i kel y r eason
that cati ons ar e transi entl y bound to the r eceptor i s to pr esent the l i gandbi ndi ng si tes w i thi n the
r eceptor i n a conf or m ati on that can captur e a l i gand. D D Af ter a l i gand i s captur ed, the cati on i s
no l onger r equi r ed at the l i gandbi ndi ng si te and can be di spl aced by the l i gand. EE In this mode l,
the s ta bility of the te rna ry inte rme dia te c omple x ma y va ry de pe nding upon the pa rtic ula r
inte grin, the pa rtic ula r c a tion, a nd the pa rtic ula r liga nd involve d. F F For i ntegr i n α IIb β 3 ,
ev i dence that the ter nar y i nter m edi ate com pl ex that f or m s i s unstabl e i s our f i ndi ng that RGD
l i gands di spl aced cati on f r om β 3 (118–131). GG Thi s f i ndi ng al so i ndi cates that l i gand and cati on
bi ndi ng to β 3 (118–131) ar e m utual l y excl usi ve. H H Str ong suppor t f or the i nstabi l i ty of thi s ter nar y
i nter m edi ate com pl ex i s that l i gandi nduced bi ndi ng si te (LIBS) epi topes w i thi n α IIb β 3 ar e ex posed
both w hen l i gand bi nds to the r eceptor and w hen cati ons f r om the r eceptor ar e chel ated i n the
absence of l i gand (13, 17). I I Thus , in our c a tion dis pla c e me nt mode l, the liga ndbinding s ite
w ithin the inte grin ma y be vie w e d a s a re a c tive c e nte r, in w hic h the c a tion, liga nd, a nd
s pe c ific liga ndbinding s ite s w ithin the re c e ptor form a n uns ta ble te rna ry inte rme dia te
c omple x .
5 J J The dis pla c e me nt of c a tions tha t w e propos e in our mode l of liga nd binding to inte grins
ma y a c tua lly oc c ur a t tw o liga ndbinding s ite s in the re c e ptor. KK The possi bi l i ty of
di spl acem ent at tw o si tes i s i ndi cated by our equi l i br i um gel f i l trati on ex per i m ents, w hi ch
detected the di spl acem ent of appr ox i m atel y tw o cati ons (Mn 2 + ) f r om i ntact α IIb β 3 af ter addi ti on
of ei ther m acr om ol ecul ar or pepti de l i gands. L L Our data ar e consi stent w i th β 3 (118–131) bei ng
one of these si tes. M M It i s tem pti ng to specul ate that α IIb (296–306) m ay be the second si te.
N N The re a s on is tha t, in ma ny w a ys , α I I b (296–306) is s imila r to β 3 (118–131). O O Li ke
β 3 (118–131), α IIb (296–306) contai ns the second EF handl i ke m oti f f ound w i thi n α IIb , and l i ke
β 3 (118–131) pepti des, pepti des f r om w i thi n α IIb (296–306) i nhi bi t l i gand bi ndi ng by the r eceptor
(11, 53). P P In addi ti on, di r ect com par i son suggests that β 3 (118–131) and α IIb (296–306) ar e
si m i l ar l y potent i n i nhi bi ti ng l i gand occupancy on the r eceptor. Q Q Fi nal l y, both β 3 (118–131) and
α IIb (296–306) ar e hi ghl y conser ved am ong the i ntegr i n β and α subuni ts (9, 10). RR Thus , β 3 (118–
131) a nd α I I b (296–306) c ould both be liga ndbinding s ite s . SSBecause several such bi ndi ng
si tes m ay be necessar y to achi eve hi ghaf f i ni ty l i gand bi ndi ng (38), i t i s possi bl e that β 3 (118–
131) and α IIb (296–306) m ay contr i bute l i gand bi ndi ng, cati on bi ndi ng, or both to i ntegr i n f uncti on.
TT If so, conf or m ati onal l i nk age betw een these tw o cati onbi ndi ng si tes, such as obser ved f or
m any EF handl i ke Ca 2 + bi ndi ng l oops (51), m ay ex pl ai n w hy tw o cati ons ar e di spl aced by a si ngl e
l i gandbi ndi ng event. UU How ever, an al ter nati ve possi bi l i ty, that tw o RGD l i gand pepti des can bi nd
per r eceptor, cannot be enti r el y excl uded. V V Stei ner et al . (50) detected onl y one RGDbi ndi ng
P. 394
si te on α IIb βb 3 , but thei r study used a r el ati vel y m i nor subpopul ati on of i sol ated r eceptor s.
6 W W An importa nt pre dic tion of our c a tion dis pla c e me nt mode l is tha t diva le nt c a tions
c ould drive the liga ndbinding e ve nt in re ve rs e , the re by s uppre s s ing a n inte grin's liga nd
binding func tion. X X In f act, ther e i s ev i dence that thi s suppr essi on does occur. Y Y Speci f i c
di val ent cati ons can i nter f er e w i th the l i gandbi ndi ng f uncti on of α L β 2 (8, 55) α 2 β 1 (20, 49), and
α v β 3 (25). ZZ Our f i ndi ng that di val ent cati ons and l i gands can com pete f or the sam e si te on an
i ntegr i n pr ov i des a str uctural basi s f or these obser vati ons. AAA This mode l ma y a ls o ha ve
implic a tions for inte grin a c tiva tion (18). B B B Speci f i cal l y, acti vati on of i ntegr i n m ay i nvol ve
conf or m ati onal changes i n the i ntegr i n that f avor l i gandr eceptor com pl exes rather than ter nar y
com pl exes or cati onr eceptor com pl exes. C C C Fina lly, a n in vivo c ons e que nc e of our c a tion
dis pla c e me nt mode l ma y re la te to bone re s orption. D D D Integr i n α v β 3 i s the r eceptor on
osteocl asts essenti al f or adhesi on to the bone sur f ace (7, 28). EEE Li berati on
of Ca 2 + f r om
m i neral i zed bone coul d di ssoci ate α v β 3 f r om i ts bone l i gands, com pr om i si ng the i ntegr i ty of
osteocl ast adhesi on.
COMMENTS
1. In par agr aph 1, the si gnal of the answ er (i n sentence B) i s “i n thi s study , w e pr ov i de
f uncti onal ev i dence that… and that. ”
The statem ent of the answ er (sentence B) i s “the β 3 (118–131) sequence of the β 3
subuni t of i ntegr i n αIIbβ 3 bi nds the l i gand f i br i nogen and… i t al so bi nds cati on. ”
The tr ansi ti ons to the suppor ti ng r esul ts (par a. 2, sentence D, and par a. 3, sentence Q)
ar e “Thr ee i ndependent l i nes of i nv esti gati on pr ov i de f uncti onal ev i dence that the
β 3 (118–131) sequence of αIIbβ 3 bi nds the l i gand f i br i nogen” and “In addi ti on to our
f i ndi ng that β 3 (118–131) bi nds l i gand, tw o i ndependent appr oaches pr ov i de cl ear
ev i dence that β 3 (118–131) bi nds cati on. ”
The r esul ts ar e stated i n the suppor ti ng sentences of par agr aph 2 (E–P) and par agr aph
3 (R–X).
The ani m al i s not m enti oned any w her e i n the Di scussi on. It shoul d be added.
2. The answ er (sentence B) answ er s the questi on: the k ey ter m s, the v er b, and the or der ar e
the sam e; the v er b i s i n pr esent tense.
3. The stor y l i ne i s cl ear .
Par agr aph 1 states the answ er af ter a sentence of back gr ound and bef or e a com m ent
on the sur pr i se.
Par agr aphs 2 and 3 ar e the r esul ts that suppor t the answ er , f i r st f or l i gand (par a. 2)
and then f or cati on (par a. 3).
Par agr aphs 4 and 5 pr opose a m odel f or l i gand bi ndi ng, based on the answ er .
Par agr aph 4 descr i bes the m odel . Par agr aph 5 i denti f i es tw o l oci of cati on di spl acem ent
i n the m odel .
The topi c sentences i n each par agr aph ar e i n bol df ace.
The f i r st sentences of par agr aphs 2–5 ar e al l par agr aph topi c sentences.
In par agr aph 2, sentence D i s the topi c sentence stati ng the m essage of the par agr aph.
Sentence K i s a topi c sentence f or a subtopi c. Sentence P i s a topi c sentence r estati ng
the m essage i n m or e detai l .
In par agr aph 3, the topi c sentence at the begi nni ng (Q) begi ns w i th a tr ansi ti on phr ase,
w hi ch r epeats the m essage of par agr aph 2 and thus l i nk s par agr aph 3 to par agr aph 2.
The m ai n subject, v er b, and com pl eter i n sentence Q, w hi ch ar e par al l el to those i n
sentence D, state the m essage.
P. 395
Sentence X i s a topi c sentence at the end of the par agr aph r estati ng and ex pandi ng the
m essage.
In par agr aph 4, the subject of the topi c sentence (Y) r estates the answ er , thus l i nk i ng
par agr aph 4 to par agr aphs 1–3. The v er b and com pl eter state the topi c of par agr aph 4
(the new m odel ). Thi s par agr aph has thr ee subtopi cs: Z–BB descr i be the m odel
(si gnal ed by the k ey ter m “m odel ” i n the subject of sentence Z); CC–DD state the
r eason f or tr ansi ent bi ndi ng of cati on (the m ai n f eatur e of the m odel ) (si gnal ed by a
tr ansi ti on cl ause: “The m ost l i k el y r eason that cati ons ar e tr ansi entl y bound to the
r eceptor i s… ”); EE–HH di scuss the (i n)stabi l i ty of the m odel (si gnal ed by a tr ansi ti on
phr ase, “i n thi s m odel , ” f ol l ow ed by the k ey ter m “stabi l i ty ” as the subject of sentence
EE). At the end of the par agr aph, sentence II sum m ar i zes the m odel , thus stati ng the
m essage of the par agr aph.
In par agr aph 5, topi c sentence JJ states the m essage. N N i s a subtopi c sentence. RR i s
a topi c sentence that r estates the m essage of the par agr aph m or e speci f i cal l y than JJ.
In par agr aph 6, WW i s not a topi c sentence f or the par agr aph. The tr ansi ti on cl ause at
the begi nni ng of WW si gnal s the f i r st subtopi c, w hi ch i s al so the topi c of the par agr aph
—i m pl i cati ons. The r est of sentence WW i s a subtopi c sentence f or the f i r st of thr ee
i m pl i cati ons. Sentences AAA and CCC ar e subtopi c sentences f or the second and thi r d
i m pl i cati ons.
Tr ansi ti on w or ds and cl auses ar e i n i tal i cs. Repeated k ey ter m s ar e under l i ned. The
conti nui ty i n thi s Di scussi on depends heav i l y on r epeated k ey ter m s. Conti nui ty
betw een par agr aphs 2 and 3 i s al so assi sted by par al l el f or m and by a tr ansi ti on
phr ase at the begi nni ng of the par agr aph.
4. The endi ng i s not si gnal ed.
The endi ng i ndi cates the i m por tance of the w or k by stati ng thr ee i m pl i cati ons.
For som e r eader s, usi ng i m pl i cati ons as an endi ng m ay not seem concl usi v e. To sati sf y
these r eader s, the f ol l ow i ng par agr aph coul d be added, sum m ar i zi ng the answ er , the
m odel , and the i m pl i cati ons:
7 Thus, i n thi s study , w e pr ov i de f uncti onal ev i dence that the β 3 (118–131) sequence of the β 3
subuni t of i ntegr i n α IIb β 3 bi nds the l i gand f i br i nogen and that i t al so bi nds cati on. Thi s bi ndi ng
suggests a new cati on di spl acem ent m odel f or the m echani sm of l i gand bi ndi ng to i ntegr i ns. If
tr ue, thi s m odel has i m por tant i m pl i cati ons about suppr essi on of l i gand bi ndi ng by i ntegr i ns,
about i ntegr i n acti vati on, and about bone r esor pti on.
In par agr aph 7, “thus” si gnal s the end, “i n thi s study , w e pr ov i de f uncti onal ev i dence that… and
that” si gnal s the answ er , and the answ er m atches the answ er stated at the begi nni ng.
Exercise 7.2: Message and Story in a Discussion

Discussion 1
COMMENTS ON THE ORIGINAL VERSION
Topics of Paragraphs
Paragraphs 1–3: Intr oducti on
Paragraph 4: Ex pl anati on of a di scr epancy
Paragraph 5: Resul ts f or questi on 2
Paragraph 6: Specul ati on on steal as the r eason f or the answ er to questi on 2
Paragraph 7: Specul ati on on other si tes of steal
Paragraphs 8–9: Concl usi on
P. 396
Answers to the Questions

The answ er to questi on 1 i s not stated. The r esul ts f or questi on 1 ar e m enti oned i n sentence N of
par agr aph 4, w hi ch ex pl ai ns how the author 's study di f f er s f r om a pr ev i ous study . The r esul ts f or
questi on 1 ar e stated m or e noti ceabl y at the begi nni ng of par agr aph 8. These com m ents ar e too
l i ttl e and too l ate.
The answ er to questi on 2 i s not stated. The r esul ts f or questi on 2 ar e pr esented i n par agr aph 5.
N ote that “absent” shoul d be added af ter “decr eased” i n sentence W (com par e sentence N i n par a.
4 and sentence II i n par a. 8). The answ er i s hi nted at i n sentence Y, the l ast sentence of
par agr aph 5. How ev er , say i ng that y our r esul ts suppor t a pr ev i ous concl usi on m ak es y our w or k
sound unor i gi nal . In f act, the r esul ts go bey ond the pr ev i ous f i ndi ngs and thus ar e new , not
conf i r m ator y . Sentence Y can be om i tted. The r el ati on to a pr ev i ous concl usi on can be deal t w i th
ei ther as a di scr epancy (see par a. 2 of Rev i si ons 1 and 2) or as an ex tensi on of pr ev i ous w or k
(see sentences A and B of Rev i si on 3). The f i r st sentence of par agr aph 5 shoul d be r ev i sed to
state the answ er to questi on 2. The v er b m ust be i n pr esent tense, and the popul ati on m ust be
ex panded to al l pr eter m i nf ants w ho hav e a l ar ge shunt thr ough a patent ductus ar ter i osus.
To em phasi ze the answ er s to the questi on m or e, they shoul d be stated at the begi nni ng of the
Di scussi on (par a. 1).
Beginning of the Discussion

The begi nni ng of the Di scussi on (par as. 1–3) i s i ntr oductor y i nf or m ati on. Thi s i nf or m ati on shoul d
be om i tted. It i s si m pl y a r ev i ew of the ev i dence f or r etr ogr ade bl ood f l ow i n the descendi ng
aor ta and f or decr eased bl ood f l ow i n the cer ebr al ar ter i es. The condensed v er si on of thi s
ev i dence i n the Intr oducti on i s suf f i ci ent.
Middle of the Discussion

In par agr aph 6, the f i r st sentence shoul d be a topi c sentence i ndi cati ng that the author i s goi ng to
pr esent a possi bl e ex pl anati on f or the par al l el r el ati on betw een cer ebr al and aor ti c bl ood f l ow s.
Tw o possi bl e topi c sentences ar e gi v en i n the r ev i si ons bel ow (see the f i r st sentence of par a. 3 i n
Rev i si ons 1 and 2).
In par agr aph 7, the f i r st sentence shoul d be a topi c sentence i ndi cati ng that thi s par agr aph i s
specul ati on about a tangenti al topi c—other si tes of steal . In the or i gi nal v er si on, i t i s near l y
i m possi bl e to see how par agr aph 7 f i ts i nto the ov er al l stor y . Par agr aph 7 shoul d al so be r ev i sed
to cl ar i f y w hat the other si tes of steal ar e (see par a. 4 of Rev i si ons 1 and 2).
End of the Discussion

The end of the Di scussi on (par as. 8 and 9) i s too l ong and i r r el ev ant. In par agr aph 8, the f i r st
sentence shoul d be r ev i sed to state the answ er to questi on 1 (not the r esul ts f or questi on 1), and
the answ er to questi on 2 shoul d be added. The other sentences i n par agr aph 8 shoul d be m ade
r el ev ant or om i tted. In par agr aph 9, the f i r st sentence i s i r r el ev ant to the pur poses of thi s paper ,
so i t shoul d be m ade r el ev ant or om i tted. The second sentence i n par agr aph 9 i s si m i l ar to
sentence JJ i n par agr aph 8 ex cept that steal i s i naccur atel y sai d to be show n r ather than
suggested by the f i ndi ngs. Both sentences about steal ar e unnecessar y i n the endi ng. The f i nal
sentence, w hi ch states possi bl e com pl i cati ons of abnor m al cer ebr al bl ood f l ow , m ay be k ept as
i s. Tw o good endi ngs f or thi s Di scussi on ar e i l l ustr ated i n the l ast par agr aph of Rev i si ons 1 and
2.
P. 397
REVISIONS
Revision 1
Questions
1. To deter m i ne i f di astol i c bl ood f l ow c a n be r etr ogr ade i n the cer ebr al ar ter i es of pr eter m
i nf ants w ho hav e a l ar ge shunt thr ough a patent ductus ar ter i osus.
2. To deter m i ne how al ter ati ons i n cer ebr al bl ood f l ow a re r el ated to al ter ati ons i n aor ti c bl ood
f l ow .
Discussion
1 A In thi s study w e have show n that di astol i c bl ood f l ow c a n be r etr ograde i n the cer ebral
ar ter i es of pr eter m i nf ants w ho have a l ar ge shunt thr ough a patent ductus ar ter i osus. BWe al so
have ev i dence that these al terati ons i n cer ebral bl ood f l ow cl osel y pa ra lle l al terati ons i n aor ti c
bl ood f l ow. CWe f ound that i n al l i nf ants w i th a l ar ge ductal shunt, w ho had r etr ograde di astol i c
bl ood f l ow i n the descendi ng aor ta, the cer ebral bl ood f l ow was gr eatl y decr eased, absent, or
r etr ograde. DMor eover, af ter cl osur e of the patent ductus ar ter i osus i n these i nf ants, so that they
no l onger had r etr ograde bl ood f l ow i n the descendi ng aor ta, the di astol i c bl ood f l ow was al so
f or war d i n the cer ebral ar ter i es.
2 EOur obser vati ons ex tend beyond those of Per l m an et al . (6), w ho w er e abl e to f i nd onl y a
decr ease i n cer ebral bl ood f l ow dur i ng di astol e and di d not r epor t any r etr ograde or absent bl ood
f l ow. FTw o f actor s m ay ex pl ai n our m or e sever e f i ndi ngs. G Fi r st, the i nf ants i n our ser i es m ay
have had l ar ger l ef ttor i ght ductal shunts and ther ef or e gr eater changes i n cer ebral bl ood f l ow.
HSecond, the di f f er ent m ethods of detecti on m ay have l ed to di f f er ent f i ndi ngs. I Wher eas
Per l m an et al . (6) used a conti nuouswave Doppl er vel oci tom eter, w e m easur ed cer ebral bl ood
f l ow w i th a rangegated pul sedDoppl er sy stem . JCom par ed to the pul sedDoppl er sy stem ,
conti nuouswave anal y si s i s l i m i ted by l ow r esol uti on and a potenti al f or si gnal l oss (15, 16),
ei ther of w hi ch coul d r esul t i n under m easur ed cer ebral bl ood f l ow.
3 KThe paral l el al terati ons i n aor ti c and cer ebral bl ood f l ow s that w e obser ved m ay be ex pl ai ned
by the di f f er ence i n r esi stance betw een the pul m onar y and the sy stem i c vascul atur e. L In i nf ants
w ho have a l ar ge shunt thr ough a patent ductus ar ter i osus, the pul m onar y vascul ar bed, w hi ch
has l ow r esi stance to bl ood f l ow, f r eel y com m uni cates w i th the sy stem i c vascul ar bed, w hi ch has
hi gher r esi stance. M Ther ef or e, the pr esence of a l ar ge shunt thr ough a patent ductus ar ter i osus
r esul ts i n di astol i c steal of bl ood f r om the aor ta thr ough the patent ductus ar ter i osus and i nto the
pul m onar y vascul atur e. N Concom i tantl y, di astol i c bl ood f l ow i n the cer ebral ar ter i es decr eases.
O Eventual l y, the cer ebral bl ood f l ow r ever ses and m ay l ead to di astol i c steal of bl ood f r om the
cer ebral ci r cul ati on.
4 PAs opposed to di astol i c steal i n the cer ebral ar ter i es and the descendi ng aor ta, w e f ound no
di astol i c steal f r om the cor onar y ar ter i es i n pr eter m i nf ants w ho have a l ar ge shunt thr ough a
patent ductus ar ter i osus. Q In Doppl er traci ngs taken f r om the ascendi ng aor ta just above the
aor ti c val ve, no di f f er ences i n di astol i c bl ood f l ow w er e appar ent betw een contr ol i nf ants and
i nf ants w ho had a l ar ge ductal shunt. R How ever, r etr ograde bl ood f l ow f r om the cor onar y ar ter i es
m ay have been too sm al l to be detected by our techni que.
P. 398
5 SIn sum m ar y, thi s study show s that di astol i c bl ood f l ow can be r etr ograde i n the cer ebral
ar ter i es, as w el l as i n the descendi ng aor ta, of pr eter m i nf ants w ho have a l ar ge shunt thr ough a
patent ductus ar ter i osus. TIn addi ti on, the r etr ograde bl ood f l ow i n the cer ebral ar ter i es cl osel y
paral l el s the r etr ograde aor ti c bl ood f l ow. U Thi s r etr ograde cer ebral bl ood f l ow m ay l ead to
com pl i cati ons such as i schem i a or hem or r hagi c brai n i njur y.
COMMENTS ON REVISION 1
Beginning
Par agr aph 1 of Rev i si on 1 states the answ er s to both questi ons at the begi nni ng and then states
the r esul ts that suppor t the answ er s. The sam e r esul ts happen to suppor t both answ er s, so thi s
pr esentati on i s v er y ef f i ci ent. In addi ti on, r esul ts f or aor ti c bl ood f l ow ar e subor di nated at the
begi nni ng of each sentence (C, D), thus f ocusi ng the sentences on the i m por tant r esul ts—those
f or cer ebr al bl ood f l ow . Resul ts f or the contr ol i nf ants, w hi ch ar e not necessar y i n the Di scussi on,
hav e been om i tted.
The answ er s m atch the questi ons. The answ er to questi on 1 uses the sam e k ey ter m s and the
sam e v er b as i n the questi on. The answ er to questi on 2 al so uses the sam e k ey ter m s as i n the
questi on but i nstead of usi ng the v er b “i s” pl us “r el ated to, ” speci f i es the r el ati onshi p:
“par al l el s. ” N ote that thi s speci f i c v er b (“par al l el s”) cr eates a pi ctur e i n the r eader 's m i nd,
w her eas “i s di r ectl y r el ated to, ” though al so a v al i d answ er , does not.
Middle
Par agr aphs 2 and 3 pr esent tw o i m por tant topi cs: the ex pl anati on of the di scr epancy and the
specul ati on on steal . In par agr aph 2, the begi nni ng of the com par i son cl ear l y speci f i es the
di f f er ence betw een the tw o studi es (“Our obser v ati ons ex tend bey ond”) (sentence E). In addi ti on,
the ex pl anati on of the l i m i tati ons of the pr ev i ous m ethod i s ni cel y condensed by stati ng onl y the
essenti al f eatur e of each l i m i tati on (sentence J). Al so note that the author s of the pr ev i ous paper
ar e al w ay s r ef er r ed to appr opr i atel y as “Per l m an et al . , ” nev er just “Per l m an, ” as i n the or i gi nal
v er si on.
In par agr aph 3 (= or i gi nal par a. 6), a topi c sentence i s added. The ex pl anati on i s al so cl ar i f i ed.
Par agr aph 4 uses a v er y cl ear tr ansi ti on phr ase topi c sentence to i ntr oduce a secondar y poi nt
(w hether steal al so occur s i n the cor onar y ar ter i es) and ex pl ai ns the poi nt cl ear l y . Thi s topi c w as
not cl ear l y si gnal ed or ex pl ai ned i n the or i gi nal v er si on (par a. 7, sentences GG and HH).
Thus, the m i ddl e of thi s Di scussi on uses tw o k ey ter m topi c sentences and one tr ansi ti on phr ase
topi c sentence to cr eate the ov er al l stor y . (In the topi c sentence i n par a. 2, a categor y ter m ,
“obser v ati ons, ” r ather than a k ey ter m i s used to r ef er to the changes i n bl ood f l ow m enti oned i n
par a. 1. ) You can see the ov er al l stor y of the Di scussi on by r eadi ng the f i r st sentence of each
par agr aph.
End
Par agr aph 5 (endi ng) pr esents a str ai ghtf or w ar d r estatem ent of the answ er s f ol l ow ed by a cl i ni cal
i m pl i cati on. The answ er s at the end m atch the answ er s at the begi nni ng. Si nce cl i ni cal
i m pl i cati ons ar e al so m enti oned at the end of the f i r st par agr aph of the Intr oducti on, the stor y
com es f ul l ci r cl e.
P. 399
Revision 2
1 A 1 Al though r etr ograde bl ood f l ow i n the descendi ng aor ta dur i ng di astol e i s a com m on f i ndi ng i n
pr eter m i nf ants w ho have a patent ductus ar ter i osus (4, 5, 9–14), A 2 i t has onl y r ecentl y been
suggested that bl ood f l ow i n the cer ebral ar ter i es m ay be si m i l ar l y al ter ed (6). BThe r esul ts of
our study i ndi cate 1 that di astol i c bl ood f l ow can be r etr ograde i n the cer ebral ar ter i es of pr eter m
i nf ants w ho have a l ar ge shunt thr ough a patent ductus ar ter i osus and 2 that al terati ons i n
cer ebral bl ood f l ow cl osel y paral l el al terati ons i n aor ti c bl ood f l ow. CThe paral l el r el ati onshi p
betw een cer ebral and aor ti c bl ood f l ow s, and the i m por tance of shunt si ze, ar e appar ent f r om our
f i ndi ngs. DThus, i n contr ol i nf ants and i nf ants w ho had a sm al l ductal shunt, ther e was no
ev i dence of abnor m al di astol i c bl ood f l ow i n the cer ebral ar ter i es or i n the descendi ng aor ta.
EHow ever, i n i nf ants w ho had a l ar ge ductal shunt, di astol i c bl ood f l ow was r educed, absent, or
r etr ograde i n the cer ebral ar ter i es, and r etr ograde i n the descendi ng aor ta. FMor eover, af ter
cl osur e of the ductus, nor m al di astol i c bl ood f l ow was r eestabl i shed at both si tes.
2 GIn contrast to our r esul ts, Per l m an et al . (6) r epor ted onl y r educed di astol i c bl ood f l ow i n the
cer ebral ar ter i es of pr eter m i nf ants w ho have a l ar ge ductal shunt. HTw o f actor s m i ght ex pl ai n
the m or e sever e al terati ons i n cer ebral bl ood f l ow that w e obser ved (absent and r etr ograde
f l ow ): the si ze of the shunt and the techni que used. I Fi r st, the i nf ants i n our study m ay have had
a l ar ger ductal shunt, and consequentl y gr eater changes i n cer ebral bl ood f l ow, than the i nf ants
i n Per l m an et al . 's study. J Second, w her eas Per l m an et al . used a conti nuouswave Doppl er
vel oci tom eter, w e m easur ed cer ebral bl ood f l ow w i th a rangegated pul sedDoppl er sy stem .
K Com par ed to the pul sedDoppl er sy stem , conti nuouswave anal y si s i s l i m i ted by l ow er r esol uti on
and a potenti al f or si gnal l oss (15, 16), ei ther of w hi ch coul d r esul t i n under m easur ed cer ebral
bl ood f l ow.
3 LA l i kel y ex pl anati on f or our r esul ts i s that, i n the pr esence of a l ar ge shunt thr ough a patent
ductus ar ter i osus, the sy stem i c ci r cul ati on, w hi ch has hi gh r esi stance to bl ood f l ow,
com m uni cates w i th the pul m onar y ci r cul ati on, w hi ch has l ow er r esi stance. As a r esul t, bl ood i s
di ver ted away f r om the aor ta i nto the pul m onar y ci r cul ati on v i a the patent ductus ar ter i osus, and
di astol i c bl ood pr essur e f al l s. M As the di astol i c bl ood pr essur e i n the aor ta f al l s, di astol i c bl ood
f l ow i n the cer ebral ar ter i es decr eases and eventual l y r ever ses, ther eby di ver ti ng bl ood away
f r om the cer ebral ar ter i es as w el l . N The f ai l ur e of the cer ebral ar ter i es to decr ease r esi stance
and m ai ntai n f or war d di astol i c f l ow i s pr obabl y due to m ax i m um vasodi l ati on or i m pai r ed
autor egul ati on, both of w hi ch ar e bel i eved to occur i n pr eter m i nf ants w ho have a l ar ge ductal
shunt (6, 17, 28).
4 OOur r esul ts suggest that bl ood f l ow m ay al so be di ver ted f r om other ar ter i es dur i ng di astol e.
P We f ound f or war d bl ood f l ow i n the transver se aor ta pr ox i m al to the ductus ar ter i osus dur i ng
di astol e, w hen ther e i s nor m al l y no bl ood f l ow . Q We bel i eve that thi s bl ood f l ow r ef l ects bl ood
di ver ted f r om the car oti d and subcl av i an ar ter i es towar d the ductus ar ter i osus v i a the transver se
aor ta. R Si m i l ar f i ndi ngs have been r epor ted pr ev i ousl y (5, 10, 11). S How ever, i n m easur em ents
taken f r om the ascendi ng aor ta just above the aor ti c val ve, w e f ound no di f f er ences i n bl ood f l ow
betw een contr ol i nf ants and i nf ants w ho had a l ar ge ductal shunt. T Thus, i f bl ood i s al so di ver ted
f r om the cor onar y ar ter i es dur i ng di astol e, i t was too l i ttl e to be detected by our techni que.
P. 400
5 U Som e of the cl i ni cal com pl i cati ons of a patent ductus ar ter i osus, such as cer ebral i schem i a,
m ay be ex pl ai ned by our f i ndi ngs that cer ebral bl ood f l ow dur i ng di astol e can be decr eased,
absent, or r etr ograde. VThe ex tent of these changes i n bl ood f l ow appear s to be r el ated to the
si ze of the ductal shunt, and thus a l ar ge shunt m ay pr edi spose i nf ants to ser i ous com pl i cati ons.
WIt i s ther ef or e i m por tant to r ecogni ze these changes i n bl ood f l ow w i thi n a vessel . XBecause
rangegated pul sedDoppl er echocar di ography i s a saf e, noni nvasi ve m eans of assessi ng not onl y
the patency of the ductus ar ter i osus but al so al terati ons i n bl ood f l ow w i thi n a vessel , thi s
echocar di ographi c techni que can be used to i m pr ove the di agnosi s and m anagem ent of
com pl i cati ons of a patent ductus ar ter i osus.
Differences Between Revisions 1 and 2
Beginning
Par agr aph 1 of Rev i si on 2 begi ns w i th contex t (A) and then states the answ er s (B) and the
suppor ti ng r esul ts (C–F). A subtopi c sentence (C) i s used to i ntr oduce the suppor ti ng r esul ts. The
statem ent of the r esul ts has been ni cel y condensed.
Middle
Par agr aph 2 ex pl ai ns the di scr epancy essenti al l y as i n Rev i si on 1 but adds the topi c of each
ex pl anati on to the subtopi c sentence (H), thus pr ov i di ng a cl ear ov er v i ew .
Par agr aph 3 pr esents the specul ati on on steal but changes the ter m “steal ” to “di v er ti ng. ” Thi s
r ev i si on i ncl udes the sentence on m ax i m um v asodi l ati on and i m pai r ed autor egul ati on, w hi ch i s
om i tted i n Rev i si on 1.
Par agr aph 4 uses a tr ansi ti on w or d + k ey ter m topi c sentence to i ntr oduce a secondar y poi nt—
w hether bl ood f l ow i s al so di v er ted f r om other ar ter i es. Thi s topi c sentence cl ear l y i denti f i es the
topi c of the par agr aph because the topi c sentence m ak es a poi nt, r ather than stati ng a r esul t, as
i n the or i gi nal v er si on (par a. 7). The par agr aph i ncl udes al l of the ar ter i es m enti oned i n the
or i gi nal v er si on, not just the cor onar y ar ter i es, as i n Rev i si on 2. Detai l s hav e been added
(under l i ned) to m ak e the ex pl anati on cl ear er .
Wher eas Rev i si on 1 uses tw o k ey ter m topi c sentences and one tr ansi ti on phr ase topi c sentence,
Rev i si on 2 uses tw o tr ansi ti on topi c sentences and onl y one k ey ter m topi c sentence to tel l the
ov er al l stor y .
End
Par agr aph 5 (endi ng) pr esents cl i ni cal i m pl i cati ons and an appl i cati on of the m ethod. The f i r st
answ er i s i ncor por ated i nto the f i r st sentence descr i bi ng cl i ni cal i m pl i cati ons (U ). Thi s
pr esentati on of the answ er i s l ess obv i ous than a str ai ghtf or w ar d r estatem ent of the answ er s.
Al so note the sm ooth connecti on betw een the cl i ni cal i m pl i cati ons and the appl i cati on of the
m ethod (W). Thus the m ethod, w hi ch seem ed i r r el ev ant i n the or i gi nal v er si on (par a. 9, sentence
PP), i s now m ade r el ev ant.
The Overall Story

In both r ev i si ons, y ou can see the ov er al l stor y by r eadi ng the f i r st sentence or tw o of each
par agr aph. Both r ev i si ons pr oceed by the stepby step techni que.
P. 401
Revision 3
AIn thi s study, w e have ex tended pr ev i ous w or k show i ng decr eased bl ood f l ow i n the cer ebral
ar ter i es of pr eter m i nf ants w ho have a l ar ge shunt thr ough a patent ductus ar ter i osus (6). BOur
r esul ts dem onstrate that, i n these i nf ants, cer ebral bl ood f l ow can be not onl y decr eased but al so
absent or even r etr ograde and that these al terati ons i n cer ebral bl ood f l ow cl osel y paral l el
al terati ons i n aor ti c bl ood f l ow.
Rev i si on 3 show s another w ay to begi n thi s Di scussi on: by pr esenti ng the answ er s to the
questi ons as an ex tensi on of pr ev i ousl y publ i shed w or k on the topi c of abnor m al cer ebr al bl ood
f l ow i n pr eter m i nf ants. Thi s i s a v er y str ai ghtf or w ar d pr esentati on.
Discussion 2
1 I In thi s study, w e show that m per 2 i s a m am m al i an c irc a dia n cl ock gene. H The ev i dence i s that
i t was ex pr essed i n a c irc a dia n patter n i n the suprachi asm ati c nucl eus (SCN ), i n m i ce, i t
m ai ntai ned ex pr essi on under f r eer unni ng condi ti ons (constant dar k ness), and i t was abl e to be
sy nchr oni zed to the cycl e of an ex ter nal l i ght sour ce (entrai nm ent). M We al so show that m per 2,
unl i ke m per 1, i s not di r ectl y light induc ible . L In our m i ce, m per 1 ex pr essi on began w i thi n 7–15
m i n Re sul t s of ex posur e to a 15m i n l i ght pul se at CT22 and conti nued f or 2h. Re sul t s How ever,
m per 2 was not ex pr essed at any ti m e dur i ng the 2h obser vati on per i od or even at 4 h af ter the
l i ght pul se. M ' Thus, m per 2 behaves m or e l i ke the Dr osophi l a per gene than does m per 1, si nce the
Dr osophi l a per gene i s al so not induc ible by light (20, 44).
2 TS Our f i ndi ng that mpe r1 i s light induc ible but that mpe r2 i s not suggests that mpe r1 and
mpe r2 m ay have som e inte rde pe nde nt func tions and that mpe r1 m ay be the pa c e ma k e r.
N Al though m per 2 ex pr essi on l agged behi nd m per 1 ex pr essi on by about 4 h, O inte rde pe nde nt
func tioning i s possi bl e because m per 2 was ex pr essed at ZT/CT6, N w hen m per 1 ex pr essi on was
m ax i m al . O Thus, the neur ons of the SCN m ay contai n transcr i pts f r om both genes. P Assum i ng
that the sequenti al ex pr essi on of m per 1 and m per 2 m i r r or s the sequenti al ex pr essi on of thei r
transcr i pts, then m per 1 and m per 2 m ay i nteract. Q Interacti on coul d occur because the m per
pr otei ns have hi ghl y hom ol ogous PAS dom ai ns (61% i denti ty ); these dom ai ns have been show n to
m edi ate the i nteracti on of di f f er ent PASdom ai ncontai ni ng pr otei ns (19, 25, 43). R m per 1 and
m per 2 m ay al so i nteract w i th other pr otei ns i n thi s pathway , Q ” si nce PAS dom ai ns al so m edi ate
the i nteracti on of PASdom ai ncontai ni ng pr otei ns w i th other transacti ng f actor s (19, 25, 43).
S One such pr otei n coul d be cl ock , w hi ch i s w i del y ex pr essed i n the brai n, i ncl udi ng the SCN (22).
TS Thus, i t i s possi bl e that mpe r1 and mpe r2 func tion inte rde pe nde ntly. T In contrast, i n other
ti ssues such as skel etal m uscl e that ex pr ess m per 1 but not m per 2, U m per 1
m ay func tion
inde pe nde ntly of m per 2, possi bl y i n conjuncti on w i th other PASdom ai ncontai ni ng pr otei ns.
3 V The pr esum ed inte rde pe nde nt func tions of mpe r1 and mpe r2 can be f i tted i nto our gr ow i ng
under standi ng of the m ol ecul ar m echani sm by w hi ch the m am m al i an ci r cadi an cl ock r esponds to
l i ght. W It has pr ev i ousl y been establ i shed that acti vati on of photor eceptor s i n the r eti na
generates s igna ls that ar e tra ns duc e d to the SCN thr ough the r eti nohy pothal am i c tract (RHT)
(r ev i ew ed by Moor e, 27). X In the r eti nor eci pi ent ar ea of the
P. 402
SCN , the r egi on i nto w hi ch the RHT pr ojects (18, 21, 28), thi s s igna l tra ns duc tion r esul ts i n
gl utam ate r el ease, evok i ng cal ci um i nf l ux , w hi ch m ay acti vate the ni tr i c ox i de si gnal i ng cascade
(11, 17, 36). Y The m ol ecul ar ta rge ts of thi s s igna l tra ns duc tion pr ocess ar e one or m or e
pr otei ns of the ci r cadi an cl ock . Z Si nce our f i ndi ngs qual i f y the per pr otei ns as ci r cadi an cl ock
com ponents, they ar e potenti al ta rge ts of the s igna l m edi ated thr ough the RHT. AA In par ti cul ar,
mpe r1 i s l i kel y to be a ta rge t because mpe r1 was i nduced by a pul se of l i ght w i thi n 15 m i n
af ter the l i ght sour ce was tur ned on. B B Inducti on of m per 1 by l i ght i ni ti al l y occur r ed i n a sm al l
num ber of ventral l y l ocated cel l s, and by 30 m i n, m per 1 transcr i pts w er e f ound i n a br oader, but
sti l l ventral , r egi on of the SCN . C C Thi s i s the r eti nor eci pi ent ar ea (18, 21, 28), w hi ch i s al so
character i zed by the ex pr essi on of several neur opepti des (r ev i ew ed i n Car d and Moor e, 7).
D D Betw een 60 and 120 m i n, m or e dor sal neur ons i ni ti ated m per 1 transcr i pti on. EE Thi s br oadeni ng
of ex pr essi on eventual l y l ed to uni f or m ex pr essi on encom passi ng the w hol e SCN .
TSIf mpe r1 i s the ta rge t of s igna l tra ns duc tion, then mpe r1 m ay be the pa c e ma k e r, and both
mpe r1 and mpe r2 m ay be i nvol ved w hen the endogenous cl ock i s e ntra ine d to a new day /ni ght
cycl e. NNA possi bl e m odel i s that l i ght evokes a s igna l i n the r eti na, w hi ch i s transduced thr ough
the RHT to the ventral por ti on of the SCN , the r egi on w her e m per 1 i s f i r st transcr i bed. O O Thi s
s igna l sets up a posi ti ve autor egul ator y l oop of m per 1 ex pr essi on. P P Thi s i ni ti al ex pr essi on
establ i shes a condi ti on i n w hi ch l i ght i s no l onger r equi r ed to m ai ntai n m per 1 ex pr essi on. Q Q Our
data show that m per 1 ex pr essi on conti nues hour s af ter the l i ght pul se i s ter m i nated. RR m per 1
w oul d then acti vate the m per 2 gene, w hi ch i s not i tsel f l i ghti nduci bl e. SS The 4h ti m e del ay
betw een m per 1 and m per 2 ex pr essi on coul d be ex pl ai ned by the r equi r em ent of a thr eshol d
concentrati on of m per 1 pr otei n to tur n on m per 2. TS If thi s m odel i s cor r ect, then mpe r1 i s the
pa c e ma k e r that r esponds to l i ght and m per 1 m edi ates e ntra inme nt, w hi ch i nvol ves m per 2.
TTOther than e ntra inme nt, w hat coul d be the benef i t of hav i ng both m per 1 and m per 2 genes?
UU These tw o genes ar e cl ear l y not r edundant: they ar e m ax i m al l y ex pr essed at di f f er ent ti m es of
the ci r cadi an cycl e, they di f f er w i th r egar d to thei r r esponse to l i ght, and thei r ti ssue ex pr essi on
pr of i l es di f f er gr eatl y . V V Thus, these tw o genes m ust have di f f er ent r egul ator y r egi ons, a
di ver si ty that w oul d al l ow r esponse to a br oader spectr um of i nput cues or per haps i nteracti on
w i th di f f er ent dow nstr eam com ponents. W W The m per 1 r egul ator y r egi on m ay r espond pr i m ar i l y to
l i ght, w her eas the r egul ator y r egi on of m per 2 m i ght r espond to hor m onal or other si gnal s.
X X Thus,
di ver se i nput si gnal s coul d r esul t i n the bi osy nthesi s of tw o si m i l ar pr otei ns, w hi ch,
because of thei r r el atedness, can dr i ve the sam e si gnal i ng pathway s.
COMMENTS ON THE REVISION

In thi s r ev i si on, a stor y l i ne r unni ng f r om the begi nni ng to the end of the Di scussi on i s cr eated by
usi ng topi c sentences and transi ti on w or ds, phrases, and cl auses to gi ve an over v i ew at the
begi nni ng of ever y paragraph and by r epeati ng key ter m s.
P. 403
Techniques of Continuity
Topi c Sentences: Par a. 1: I, M, M'; Par a. 2: TS × 2; Par a. 3: V; Par a. 5: TS × 2; Par a. 6: TT.
Transi ti on Wor ds: Para. 1: Resul ts, M'; Para. 2: O, TS, T; Para. 3: AA; Para. 6: VV, XX.
Transi ti on Phrases: Para. 1: L; Para. 2: T; Para. 6: TT.
Transi ti on Cl auses: Para. 1: I, H, M; Para. 2: TS, Q, TS; Para. 3: W; Para. 5: N N , QQ.
Repeated key ter m s: boldfa c e d
CHAPTER 8
Exercise 8.1: Design of Figures and Tables and Their Relation
to the Text
COMMENTS
In thi s Resul ts secti on, the f i gur e and tabl e ar e not cl ear l y desi gned and do not r el ate w el l to the
tex t.
Figure 2
Type of G ra ph. A bar gr aph w oul d show the i ncr eases i n ai r f l ow r esi stance and the bef or e
and af ter v al ues m or e cl ear l y than a l i ne gr aph does.
Ax is . At f i r st gl ance, the ax i s l ook s l ogar i thm i c, but i t i s actual l y l i near . To m ak e i t l ook

l i near , ti ck m ar k s and scal e num ber s shoul d be pl aced at equal i nter v al s.
Mor e ti ck m ar k s coul d be added to m ak e the tw of ol d and ei ghtf ol d i ncr eases easi er to see.
Re la tion to the Te x t. Once ti ck m ar k s ar e added, i t i s easy to see that “ei ghtf ol d” i s a bi t

of an ex agger ati on. The r eal v al ue i s betw een sev en and ei ghtf ol d. It i s better to
under esti m ate than to ov er esti m ate, so that r eader s w i l l not thi nk y ou ar e tr y i ng to i nf l ate
the data.
U si ng the sam e k ey ter m s i n the tex t, f i gur e l egend, and ax i s l abel w oul d m ak e the r el ati on
betw een the f i gur e and the tex t cl ear er . The i ndi cator (“ai r f l ow r esi stance”) shoul d be used
i n the f i gur e l egend, not the v ar i abl e (“br onchoconstr i cti on”), because ai r f l ow r esi stance i s
w hat w as m easur ed. The k ey ter m “ai r f l ow r esi stance” shoul d al so be used i n the ax i s l abel .
If the abbr ev i ati on (Rr s) i s used, i t shoul d be def i ned i n the f i gur e l egend. Si m i l ar l y “dose
of sm ok e i nhal ed” i n the tex t does not cor r el ate w el l w i th “num ber of sm ok e i nhal ati ons” i n
the f i gur e.
Figure Le ge nd. To state the poi nt, “i ncr eases i n ai r f l ow r esi stance” shoul d be used i nstead
of “br onchoconstr i cti on. ”
The f i gur e l egend coul d be r ev i sed to gi v e m ost ex per i m ental detai l s bef or e the stati sti cal
detai l s. In addi ti on, the ti m es of m easur em ent coul d be added.
P. 404
To show the v ar i abi l i ty of the data, r ather than how cl ose the m easur ed m ean i s to the tr ue
m ean, SD coul d be show n (as i n Tabl e 1) i nstead of SE.
Table I
Type of Illustration.
A l i ne gr aph show s ti m e cour se m or e cl ear l y than a tabl e does.
Relation to the Text.

The tex t say s that the m ax i m um w as r eached w i thi n 1 m i n, but the m eans show that the
m ax i m um w as r eached w i thi n ½ m i n. If i nstead y ou l ook at i ndi v i dual data, y ou w oul d hav e to
say that the m ean w as r eached w i thi n 2 m i n (dogs 2–4, ½ m i n; dog 1, 1 m i n; dog 5, 2 m i n).
Si m i l ar l y , ai r f l ow r esi stance decr eased to onehal f the m ax i m al v al ue w i thi n 2 m i n (the m ean of
188% at 2 m i n i s not di f f er ent f r om 190% at 4 m i n).
In the ti tl e, “br onchoconstr i cti on” shoul d be changed to “ai r f l ow r esi stance. ”
Revision
Results
Inhal ati on of ci gar ette sm oke i nto the l ungs of anestheti zed dogs caused tw o to sevenf ol d
i ncr eases i n ai r f l ow r esi stance of the total r espi rator y sy stem dependi ng on the num ber of ti dal
vol um es of sm oke i nhal ed (Fi g. 2). Ai r f l ow r esi stance i ncr eased rapi dl y af ter the star t of sm oke
i nhal ati on; on average, the m ax i m um was r eached w i thi n ½ m i n (Fi g. 3). Ai r f l ow r esi stance
r em ai ned i ncr eased transi entl y, decr eased to onehal f the m ax i m al val ue w i thi n 2 m i n (Fi g. 3),
and r etur ned to basel i ne bef or e the nex t dose 20 m i n l ater [f i gur e ci tati on om i tted].
Fi guer 2. A Incr eases i n ai r f l ow

r esi stance of the total r espi rator y
sy stem af ter i nhal ati on of ci gar ette
sm oke i n 5 anestheti zed dogs. B The
dogs w er e gi ven 1, 2, or 4 ti dal
vol um e i nhal ati ons of ci gar ette
sm oke. C Inhal ati ons w er e separated
by 20 m i n. D Val ues ar e m eans ± SD
½ m i n bef or e (□) and ½ m i n af ter (▪ )
each ser i es of i nhal ati ons.
Fi guer 3. Ti m e cour se of ai r f l ow
r esi stance of the total r espi rator y
sy stem af ter i nhal ati on of 2 ti dal
vol um es of ci gar ette sm oke i n 5
anestheti zed dogs. Data ar e m eans ±
SD.
P. 405
Exercise 8.2: Table Design and Relation to the Text

Revision
Table II. Effects of Peritoneal Dialysis and Hemodialysis on

Plasma Apoproteins in Patients Who Have EndStage Renal
Disease
P la s ma Apoprote in (mg/dl)
Apo A
Apo AI/Apo B Tre a tme nt Apo AI II Apo B Apo D Apo E
Contr ol 163 ± 23 36. 4 ± 98 ± 5. 6 ± 7. 3 ± 1. 7 ±

2. 0 32 1. 2 1. 6 0. 6
Per i toneal 123 ± 20 36. 0 ± 94 ± 9. 5 ± 7. 5 ± 1. 3 ±

Di al y si s 4. 0 8 1. 0* 0. 9 0. 2
Hem odi al y si s 102 ± 34. 8 ± 89 ± 6. 7 ± 6. 8 ± 1. 2 ±
17* 6. 5 14 1. 3 0. 8 0. 2 †
Val ues ar e m eans ± SD f r om 10 contr ol subjects, 6 per i toneal di al y si s pati ents, and 15
hem odi al y si s pati ents.
* P < 0. 0005, † P < 0. 01 v s. contr ol .
COMMENTS
The or i gi nal tabl e i s gener al l y cl ear , but i t can be m ade cl ear er .
Title and Column Headings.

In the r ev i si on, to m ak e the ti tl e com pl ete, the i ndependent v ar i abl es (per i toneal di al y si s and
hem odi al y si s) hav e been added and the contr ol subjects hav e been om i tted. As a r esul t, the k ey
ter m s i n the ti tl e cor r el ate w i th the k ey ter m s i n the f i r st col um n on the l ef t (per i toneal di al y si s,
hem odi al y si s).
In addi ti on, the col um n headi ng “Pl asm a Apopr otei n” has been added, cor r el ati ng w i th that ter m
i n the ti tl e, and the uni t of m easur em ent (m g/dl ) i s i ncl uded af ter thi s gener al headi ng r ather
than bei ng stated af ter each i ndi v i dual apopr otei n.
Instead of a ti tl e i n the f or m “Ef f ects of X on Y i n Z,” the ti tl e coul d be i n the f or m “Y af ter X i n

Z,” and the poi nt (“Gr eater Changes”) coul d be i ncl uded:
P. 406
Pl asm a Apopr otei ns Af ter Per i toneal Di al y si s or Hem odi al y si s i n Pati ents Who Hav e EndStage
Renal Di sease
Changes i n Pl asm a Apopr otei ns Af ter Per i toneal Di al y si s or Hem odi al y si s i n Pati ents Who Hav e
EndStage Renal Di sease
Gr eater Changes i n Pl asm a Apopr otei ns Af ter Hem odi al y si s than Af ter Per i toneal Di al y si s i n
Pati ents Who Hav e EndStage Renal Di sease.
Relation to the Text.

To m ak e the tabl e show the decr eases i n apo AI and i n apo AI/apo B descr i bed i n the tex t, the
contr ol v al ues hav e been m ov ed to the f i r st r ow (as i s conv enti onal ), per i toneal di al y si s v al ues
ar e i n the m i ddl e (“i nter m edi ate”), and the hem odi al y si s v al ues ar e l ast (“m uch l ow er ”).
In addi ti on, the pati ents ar e descr i bed f ul l y i n the ti tl e, as i n the questi on (“pati ents w ho hav e
endstage r enal di sease”).
Showing Significant Differences.

To show stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant di f f er ences, sy m bol s (*, † ) hav e been pl aced af ter the v al ues
that ar e di f f er ent, and f ootnotes hav e been added to state the P v al ues and w hat num ber s ar e
bei ng com par ed.
Presentation of Numbers.
To m ak e the num ber s al i gn neatl y on the deci m al poi nt and on the ± , the col um ns and r ow s of
the tabl e hav e been sw i tched: i ndependent v ar i abl e i n the f i r st col um n on the l ef t, dependent
v ar i abl es acr oss the col um ns on the r i ght.
Once the data ar e al i gned i n col um ns, i t i s easi er to see that data f or apo AII and f or apo A
I/apo B hav e di f f er ent num ber s of deci m al pl aces. In the r ev i sed tabl e, al l v al ues i n each col um n
hav e the sam e num ber of deci m al pl aces.
CHAPTER 10
Exercise 10.1: Abstracts

Abstract 1
Grade: C
Stre ngths : shor t abstr act, shor t sentences, cl ear r esul ts
Biggest Problems:
The answ er shoul d be l i m i ted to the ani m al studi ed and the gene studi ed (H).
The answ er i s too detai l ed:
“Hi stone acety l tr ansf er ase acti v i ty ” i s not m enti oned ear l i er i n the abstr act.
“A coacti v ator endow ed w i th hi stone acety l tr ansf er ase acti v i ty ” shoul d be r epl aced by
“p300. ”
Other Problems:
Ex pand the back gr ound to r el ate to the questi on and answ er .
Add the dependent v ar i abl e to the ov er v i ew of the ex per i m ent.
Add a si gnal of the r esul ts.
State the unex pected answ er af ter stati ng the answ er to the questi on.
Pr ov i de a cl ear er r el ati onshi p betw een the tw o answ er s.
P. 407
U se si m pl e w or ds, m ak e the topi c the subject, and put the acti on i n the v er b (E, F: di ed).
Quanti f y “consi der abl e” (E) (or w r i te “m ost”).
Cl ar i f y “ov er al l gene dosage” (G).
Revision
AThe transcr i pti onal coacti vator and i ntegrator p300 and i ts cl osel y r el ated f am i l y m em ber CBP
ar e bel i eved to m edi ate num er ous si gnal dependent transcr i pti onal events, i ncl udi ng those
i nvol ved i n em br yo devel opm ent.
B
1 To deter m i ne w hether the p300 gene i s necessar y f or m ouse em br yo devel opm ent and cel l
pr ol i f erati on,
B
2w e assessed these var i abl es i n m i ce w e generated l ack i ng a f uncti onal p300 gene.
CWe f ound that m ouse em br yos nul l i zygous f or p300 di ed betw een day s 9 and 11. 5 of gestati on,
ex hi bi ti ng def ects i n neur ul ati on, cel l pr ol i f erati on, and hear t devel opm ent.
DCel l s der i ved f r om p300def i ci ent em br yos di spl ayed speci f i c transcr i pti onal def ects and
pr ol i f erated poor l y.
ESur pr i si ngl y, m ost of the p300 heter ozygous em br yos al so di ed.
FMor eover, al l em br yos doubl y heter ozygous f or p300 and cbp di ed.
HThus, the p300 gene i s essenti al f or m ouse em br yo devel opm ent and cel l pr ol i f erati on.
GOur f i ndi ngs al so show that nor m al m ouse em br yo devel opm ent i s ex qui si tel y sensi ti ve to
under dosage and over dosage of p300 and cbp genes.
Abstract 2
Grade: D
Stre ngths : shor t abstr act, usef ul back gr ound stated
Biggest Problems:

The abstr act i s w r i tten as a descr i pti v e abstr act, r ather than as a hy pothesi stesti ng
abstr act. Thi s f or m i s v er y m i sl eadi ng because the m essage (sentence B) i s a r easonabl e
one f or a descr i pti v e paper .
The answ er (G) i s not stated cl ear l y , m ai nl y because k ey ter m s ar e changed:
“bi ndi ng” (ti tl e, B, D); “i nter act” (A, G)
“r epr esses” (ti tl e, E, F); “posi ti v el y r egul ate” (A), “posi ti v e and negati v e f actor s” (G).
“tr anscr i pti on” (ti tl e, F, G), “ex pr essi on” (E)
“GCr i ch sequence” (A, B), “contr ol el em ent” (G).
The v er b i n the si gnal of the answ er i s too w eak ; i t sounds l i k e the si gnal of an i m pl i cati on,
not of an answ er .
The r esul ts f ound ar e not si gnal ed.
The r esul ts ar e w r i tten i n pr esent tense (D–F).
Other Problems:
N onpar al l el i deas ar e joi ned by “and” (A).
The topi c i s not the subject (C).
The end of the l ast sentence sounds l i k e the pur pose of the i nter acti on (“to account f or ”).
Pr obabl y thi s par t of the sentence i s a specul ati on (“and thus m ay account f or ”).
P. 408
Revision
A Factor That Represses Transcription Binds to the Same GCRich

Sequence Repeat as Factors That Activate Transcription
ASeveral fa c tors tha t bind to G Cric h s e que nc e s a c tiva te tra ns c ription of both housekeepi ng
genes and cel l ul ar oncogenes.
AAWe asked w hether fa c tors that re pre s s tra ns c ription c a n bind to the sam e G Cric h
s e que nc e re pe a t as fa c tors that a c tiva te tra ns c ription.
BTo answ er thi s questi on, w e character i zed a hum an cDN A that encodes a fa c tor that binds to a
G Cric h s e que nc e re pe a t pr esent i n pr om oter s of the epi der m al gr ow th f actor r eceptor (EGFR),
βacti n, and cal ci um dependent pr otease (CAN P).
CWe f ound that thi s fa c tor is a 91k d pr otei n w i th an ex tr em el y basi c r egi on at i ts am i no

ter m i nus.
DDel eti on anal y ses i ndi cated that thi s basi c r egi on f uncti ons as the DN A bi ndi ng dom ai n.
EWhen w e ex pr essed thi s fa c tor i n CV1 cel l s, w e f ound that i t re pre s s e d tra ns c ription
or i gi nati ng both f r om the EGFR and βacti n pr om oter s and f r om chi m er i c pr om oter s contai ni ng the
CAN P gene.
FIt al so re pre s s e d tra ns c ription i n cel l f r ee ex tracts.
GThese r esul ts i ndi cate that fa c tors that re pre s s tra ns c ription c a n bind to the sam e G Cric h
s e que nc e re pe a t as f actor s that a c tiva te transcr i pti on.
Abstract 3
Grade: C
Strengths
Easy to r ead.
States w hat w as f ound br i ef l y and com pl etel y .

Has cl ear or gani zati on i ndi cated by new sentences f or the ex per i m ents done, the r esul ts,
and the answ er to the questi on.
Problems
The questi on i s stated v aguel y : the i ndependent v ar i abl e i s m i ssi ng.
Ani m al studi ed?
The ov er v i ew of the ex per i m ent (A) i s not cl ear : How w as one l ung ex posed—sur gi cal l y ?
What w as i t ex posed to?
The ov er v i ew of the ex per i m ent i s i ncom pl ete: What happened to the other l ung i s not
descr i bed unti l sentence C; i t shoul d be i n sentence A.
Som e detai l s of the ex per i m ent ar e m i ssi ng:
What w as the concentr ati on of ozone?
How l ong w as the ex posur e?
What w as the state of the ani m al s dur i ng the study ?
What cel l s w er e studi ed?
The answ er i s not stated or not cl ear l y si gnal ed or both:
The l ast sentence (E) si gnal s an answ er , but i t states an i m pl i cati on, as i ndi cated by
the v er b “coul d be” and by the f acts that i n thi s study bacter i a w er e not gi v en and
m or tal i ty w as not assessed. The answ er shoul d pr obabl y be about the ef f ect of ozone
on the def ense m echani sm of the l ungs (see the ti tl e), though i t i s questi onabl e
w hether the r esul ts of br onchoal v eol ar l av age shoul d be ex tended to the l ungs as a
w hol e. The i ntended answ er seem s to be that ozone i m pai r s the def ense m echani sm
P. 409
of the l ungs, though an i ncr eased num ber of pol y m or phonucl ear l euk ocy tes m ay be a
good thi ng f or l ung def ense.
Sentence D has an uncl ear si gnal (“w er e f ound to be”): i t coul d be ei ther r esul ts or the
answ er .
It i s al so possi bl e that ther e ar e tw o questi ons and tw o answ er s, one about the ef f ect
of ozone on the def ense m echani sm and the other about di r ect tox i ci ty (sentence D)
(see Rev i si on 2).
The w r i ti ng i s gener al l y cl ear but contai ns som e jar gon (“uni l ater al l ung ex posur e
techni que, ” “bacter i al chal l enge”) and uncl ear w or d choi ce (w hat does “depr ess v ar i ous
i ntr acel l ul ar hy dr ol y ti c enzy m es” m ean: decr ease the num ber s of enzy m es? decr ease
enzy m e acti v i ty ?). Al so the si gnal of the r esul ts w oul d be cl ear er i f i t w er e at the
begi nni ng of the sentence. In the ti tl e, “def ensi v e m echani sm ” shoul d be “def ense
m echani sm . ”
Revision 1 (One Question)
OZONE SUPPRESSES THE DEFENSE MECHANISM of RABBITS' LUNGS

A
1 To deter m i ne how l ow concentrati ons of ozone af f ect the endogenous def ense m echani sm of
rabbi ts' l ungs,
A
2 We venti l ated one l ung w i th ozone and the other l ung w i th ai r dur i ng l i ght anesthesi a.
BWe f ound that ozone (0. 5–3. 0 ppm f or 3 h) decr eased the v i abi l i ty of al veol ar m acr ophages and
the acti v i ty of i ntracel l ul ar hydr ol y ti c enzy m es (l y sozy m e, betagl ucur oni dase, and aci d
phosphatase. It al so i ncr eased the absol ute num ber and per centage of pol y m or phonucl ear
l eukocy tes i n pul m onar y l avage f l ui d.
CAl l these ef f ects w er e dose r el ated, appear ed onl y i n the l ung venti l ated w i th ozone, and
r esul ted f r om di r ect tox i ci ty of ozone and not f r om a general i zed sy stem i c r esponse.
DWe concl ude that ozone suppr esses the def ense m echani sm of rabbi ts' l ungs.
EWe suggest that thi s suppr essi on m ay be r esponsi bl e f or the hi gh death rate of rabbi ts i nf ected
w i th bacter i a af ter thei r l ungs ar e venti l ated w i th ozone.
COMMENTS
In Rev i si on 1, the i ndependent var i abl e i s added to the questi on (A 1 ), and the ani m al (A 1 ),
m ethods detai l s (A 2 B), and the answ er (D) ar e al so added. In A 2 the over v i ew of the ex per i m ent
i s now com pl ete, and pr eci se w or d choi ce m akes cl ear how the l ungs w er e ex posed and w hat
each l ung was ex posed to. In A 2 and B, the f ol l ow i ng detai l s of m ethods ar e now i ncl uded: the
condi ti on of the rabbi ts (l i ghtl y anestheti zed), the concentrati on of ozone (0. 5–3. 0 ppm ), the
durati on of ex posur e to ozone (3 h), and the ty pe of cel l s studi ed (al veol ar m acr ophages). The
answ er (D) answ er s the questi on asked: the key ter m s f or the i ndependent and dependent
var i abl es ar e the sam e i n the questi on and the answ er, and the poi nt of v i ew i s the sam e. Al so,
the si gnal of the r esul ts (“We f ound that”) i s m oved to the begi nni ng of the sentence (B), and the
r esul t f or hydr ol y ti c enzy m es i s descr i bed m or e pr eci sel y (“decr eased the acti v i ty of i ntracel l ul ar
hydr ol y ti c enzy m es”). Fi nal l y, i n the i m pl i cati on (E), w or d choi ce i s si m pl i f i ed (“hi gh death rate”
i nstead of “i ncr eased m or tal i ty ”), jar gon i s avoi ded (“i nf ected w i th bacter i a” i nstead of “gi ven a
bacter i al chal l enge”), and an appr opr i ate si gnal i s used (“We suggest that”).
P. 410
Revision 2 (Two questions)
OZONE DIRECTLY IMPAIRS ENDOGENOUS DEFENSES IN RABBIT LUNGS

AIn rabbi ts ex posed to ozone and then gi ven an i njecti on of bacter i a, m or tal i ty i s i ncr eased.
BThe i ncr eased m or tal i ty m ay r esul t f r om ozonei nduced i m pai r m ent of the l ungs' def ense
m echani sm s.
C
1 We ther ef or e asked w hether ozone ex posur e i m pai r s endogenous def ense m echani sm s i n
rabbi ts' l ungs and,
C
2i f so, w hether the i m pai r m ent i s caused by di r ect tox i ci ty of ozone or by a general i zed
sy stem i c r esponse.
D
1 For thi s study, w e assessed com ponents of the l ungs' def ense m echani sm s i n l avage f l ui d f r om
both l ungs of l i ghtl y anestheti zed rabbi ts
D
2 af ter venti l ati ng one l ung w i th ozone (0. 5–3. 0 ppm f or 3 h) and the other l ung w i th ai r.
EWe f ound that l ow concentrati ons of ozone decr eased the v i abi l i ty of al veol ar m acr ophages and
the acti v i ty of var i ous i ntracel l ul ar hydr ol y ti c enzy m es (l y sozy m e, betagl ucur oni dase, and aci d
phosphatase). Ozone al so i ncr eased the absol ute num ber and per cent of pol y m or phonucl ear
l eukocy tes w i thi n pul m onar y l avage f l ui d.
FAl l these ef f ects w er e dose r el ated and w er e f ound onl y i n the l ung ex posed to ozone.
GThese r esul ts i ndi cate that ozone ex posur e i m pai r s endogenous def ense m echani sm s i n rabbi ts'
l ungs and that thi s i m pai r m ent i s caused by di r ect tox i ci ty .
AWe specul ate that these i m pai r ed l ung def enses m ay be r esponsi bl e f or the i ncr eased m or tal i ty
of rabbi ts i nf ected w i th bacter i a af ter ex posur e to ozone.
COMMENTS
Rev i si on 2 ask s tw o questi ons (C 1 , C 2 ) and gi v es tw o answ er s (G). In Rev i si on 2, questi on 1 i s
stated m or e speci f i cal l y than the sam e questi on i n Rev i si on 1 and thus anti ci pates the answ er
m or e cl ear l y . The r eason the questi on i n Rev i si on 2 i s m or e speci f i c i s that i t uses the sam e v er b
(“i m pai r s”) as the answ er r ather than the gener al v er b “af f ect. ”
Al so i n Rev i si on 2, back gr ound i nf or m ati on i s added (A, B) to pr epar e f or the specul ati on at the
end of the abstr act (H). N ote that sentence B states the ul ti m ate questi on the author i s i nter ested
i n and sentence H specul ates on a possi bl e answ er to the ul ti m ate questi on.
Other detai l s added i n Rev i si on 2 ar e the sam e as those i n Rev i si on 1.
Abstract 4
Grade: F
Problems
Too m uch detai l . You cannot see the f or est f or the tr ees.
In the descr i pti on of the ex per i m ent (A), gi v e the gener al appr oach, not ev er y
v ar i abl e, and i ndi cate the r el ati onshi p betw een v ar i abl es.
In the statem ent of the r esul ts (B–F), gi v e data f or onl y the m ost i m por tant f i ndi ngs,
gi v e per centages i nstead of m eans and SE, or om i t data al together . Om i t P v al ues.
Om i t al l “si gni f i cantl y 's. ” State “m ean ± SE” (i f used) onl y once.
Too m any abbr ev i ati ons. [Q w i th dot abov e]s/[Q w i th dot abov e]t can be r epl aced by “shunt
f r acti on. ” [V w i th dot abov e]/[Q w i th dot abov e] and C ai r ar e nev er m enti oned agai n, and
Pst(L) and TLC ar e used onl y once each, so they ar e unnecessar y . S ai r and SO 2 ar e bi zar r e.
The l ast sentence i s uncl ear : i s i t the i m pl i cati on of thi s study or of other studi es? If other
studi es, i t does not bel ong i n the abstr act.
P. 411
Revision
NO RELATION BETWEEN INCREASED LUNG ELASTIC RECOIL PRESSURE

AND SHUNT FRACTION IN HEALTHY MEN WITH STRAPPED CHESTS
AEl asti c r ecoi l pr essur e of the l ungs i ncr eases w hen total l ung capaci ty decr eases.
B
1 To deter m i ne w hether thi s i ncr eased pr essur e i s due to atel ectasi s,
B
1w e m easur ed el asti c r ecoi l pr essur e and the r i ghttol ef t i ntrapul m onar y shunt f racti on (an
i ndex of atel ectasi s) bef or e and dur i ng chest strappi ng (a condi ti on that decr eases l ung capaci ty )
i n heal thy m en.
CEx per i m ents w er e done w hi l e the m en br eathed r oom ai r (basel i ne) or 100% ox ygen (to i nduce
atel ectasi s).
DWe f ound that al though el asti c r ecoi l pr essur e i ncr eased by 50% dur i ng chest strappi ng, shunt
f racti on was unchanged w hi l e the m en br eathed r oom ai r and i ncr eased m i ni m al l y w hi l e they
br eathed 100% ox ygen.
EWe concl ude that i ncr eased el asti c r ecoi l pr essur e i n the l ungs dur i ng condi ti ons of decr eased
total l ung capaci ty i s not due to atel ectasi s.
COMMENTS
The r ev i si on i s m uch easi er to r ead because the questi on i s stated (B 1 ), the ex per i m ental
appr oach gi v es an ov er v i ew (B 2 , C), i ndi cator s ar e i denti f i ed (B 2 , C), and unnecessar y detai l s
(l ess i m por tant v ar i abl es, data, stati sti cal i nf or m ati on, the i m pl i cati on at the end) and al l
abbr ev i ati ons ar e om i tted.
CHAPTER 11
Exercise 11.1: Titles

Abstract 1
Questi on: B
2 the ef f ect of CPAP on r enal f uncti on i n new bor ns.
Answ er : F CPAP can i m pai r r enal f uncti on i n new bor ns.
Title :
1. Conti nuous Posi ti v e Ai r w ay Pr essur e Im pai r s Renal Functi on i n Anestheti zed

N ew bor n Goats (88)
2. Im pai r ed Renal Functi on Fr om Conti nuous Posi ti v e Ai r w ay Pr essur e i n Anestheti zed
N ew bor n Goats (94)
Running Title : CPAP Im pai r s Renal Functi on (27)
COMMENTS
The ti tl e f or Abstr act 1 shoul d be f ai r l y easy to w r i te because the abstr act i s cl ear l y w r i tten.
Functions
Both ti tl es ai m to attr act appr opr i ate r eader s by putti ng an i m por tant w or d f i r st.
Putti ng “conti nuous posi ti v e ai r w ay pr essur e” f i r st shoul d attr act neonatol ogi sts.
Putti ng “i m pai r ed r enal f uncti on” f i r st shoul d attr act nephr ol ogi sts.
P. 412
Content
Both ti tl es i ncl ude the necessar y i nf or m ati on:
The i ndependent v ar i abl e (conti nuous posi ti v e ai r w ay pr essur e).
The dependent v ar i abl e (r enal f uncti on).
The ani m al studi ed (new bor n goats).
The condi ti on of the ani m al s (anestheti zed).
The m essage (i m pai r s, i m pai r ed).
The f i r st ti tl e i s a sentence and ex pr esses the poi nt i n a v er b i n the pr esent tense

(“i m pai r s”).
The second ti tl e i s a phr ase and ex pr esses the poi nt i n an adjecti v e (“i m pai r ed”).
Hallmarks
Both ti tl es accur atel y , com pl etel y , and speci f i cal l y i denti f y the m essage of the paper .
The sam e k ey ter m s ar e used i n the ti tl e as i n the questi on and the answ er .
The ani m al and the condi ti on ar e tak en f r om the ex per i m ent done (sentence C). The
condi ti on i s i ncl uded i n the ti tl e because anesthesi a can af f ect the v ar i abl es m easur ed.
How ev er , som e author s m i ght pr ef er to om i t “anestheti zed. ”
N o noun cl uster s or abbr ev i ati ons ar e used. Ev en though “CPAP” i s a standar d

abbr ev i ati on i n neonatol ogy and i s used i n the abstr act, the abbr ev i ati on i s not used i n
the ti tl e because i t i s unl i k el y to be f am i l i ar to r eader s i n other f i el ds and ther ef or e
coul d be m eani ngl ess to r eader s of sour ces such as Index Medi cus.
In contr ast to the ti tl es gi v en abov e, the ti tl e “Im pai r m ent of Renal Functi on Induced by
Conti nuous Posi ti v e Ai r w ay Pr essur e” i s am bi guous. In thi s ti tl e, i t i s not cl ear w hat
w as i nduced by conti nuous posi ti v e ai r w ay pr essur e—the i m pai r m ent or the r enal
f uncti on.
Both ti tl es ar e conci se.
They com pact the necessar y w or ds by usi ng a categor y ter m (“r enal f uncti on”) i nstead
of nam i ng al l the dependent v ar i abl es (ur i ne f l ow , sodi um ex cr eti on, gl om er ul ar
f i l tr ati on r ate).
In addi ti on, the second ti tl e uses the shor test possi bl e ter m s: “i m pai r ed” r ather than
“i m pai r m ent of ” (8 v s. 13 char acter s and spaces) and “f r om ” r ather than “i nduced by ”
(4 v s. 10).

Abstract 2
Message: We descr i be a new gene, f r i nge, w hi ch i s ex pr essed i n dor sal cel l s and
encodes f or a novel pr otei n that i s pr edi cted to be secr eted.
Im pl i cati on: These obser vati ons suggest that f r i nge encodes a boundar y speci f i c
cel l si gnal i ng m ol ecul e that i s r esponsi bl e f or dor sal cel l –ventral cel l
i nteracti ons dur i ng w i ng devel opm ent.
Title :
1. f r i nge, a Boundar ySpeci f i c Si gnal i ng Mol ecul e, Medi ates Interacti ons Betw een
Dor sal and Ventral Cel l s Dur i ng Dr osophi l a Wi ng Devel opm ent
2. f r i nge, a N ew Gene Responsi bl e f or Dor sal Cel l –Ventral Cel l Interacti ons Dur i ng
Dr osophi l a Wi ng Devel opm ent (107)
Running f r i nge Medi ates Dor sal –Ventral Interacti ons

Title :
P. 413
COMMENTS
Functions
Content
Both ti tl es i ncl ude the str uctur e and i ts f uncti on.
The f i r st ti tl e w r i tes the f uncti on as the v er b and com pl eter of a sentence. It uses an apposi ti v e
bef or e the v er b to pl ace f r i nge i n i ts categor y (“a boundar y speci f i c si gnal i ng m ol ecul e”).
The second ti tl e w r i tes the categor y and the f uncti on as an apposi ti ve (af ter a com m a).
Hallmarks
Both ti tl es accur atel y , com pl etel y , and speci f i cal l y i denti f y the m essage of the paper . The sam e
k ey ter m s ar e used i n the ti tl e as i n the m essage and the i m pl i cati on.
The f i r st ti tl e (w hi ch i s the publ i shed ti tl e) i s too l ong. The second ti tl e i s m or e conci se because
i t uses a br i ef categor y ter m (“new gene”) to i denti f y f r i nge.
Abstract 3
Abstract 3, w hi ch i s f r om Sci ence, does not f ol l ow the usual f or m at (questi on, ex per i m ent done,
r esul ts f ound, answ er ). Instead i t states onl y the r esul ts (A) and an i m pl i cati on (B).
Title : Gl ue Sni f f i ng Causes Hear t Bl ock i n Mi ce (40)
COMMENTS
Thi s r ev i sed ti tl e i l l ustr ates thr ee poi nts:
It i s unnecessar y f or the ti tl e to f i l l the space al l ow ed. Shor t ti tl es hav e m or e i m pact

than l ong ones.
A ti tl e f or a paper publ i shed i n a gener al jour nal can be catchy .

A ti tl e m ust be based on sol i d r esul ts, not on an i m pl i cati on or a specul ati on. Al though
som e peopl e tr y to i ncl ude hum ans and sudden death i n the ti tl e by usi ng a questi on i n
a subti tl e (“A cause of sudden death i n hum ans?”), ev en tentati v e i m pl i cati ons do not
bel ong i n the ti tl e of a hy pothesi stesti ng paper , so the subti tl e shoul d be om i tted.
N ote that i t i s i m possi bl e to f i t al l thr ee r esul ts f r om the abstr act i nto the ti tl e. The sol uti on
i s ei ther to choose one of the r esul ts, as done i n the ti tl e abov e (causes hear t bl ock ), or to
use a categor y ter m , f or ex am pl e, “i m pai r ed car di ac conducti on, ” “car di ac conducti on
abnor m al i ti es, ” or “car di ac r hy thm di stur bances. ” How ev er , because these ter m s ar e al l
m or e abstr act than “hear t bl ock , ” they ar e not as catchy . Si m i l ar l y , i t i s di f f i cul t to i ncl ude
both of the i ndependent v ar i abl es i n the ti tl e. But si nce tol uene i s the sol v ent i n ai r pl ane
gl ue, ei ther “tol uene” or “ai r pl ane gl ue” can be om i tted f r om the ti tl e. “Ai r pl ane gl ue” i s
catchi er than the l ess f am i l i ar “tol uene. ”
P. 414
N ote al so the car ef ul com pacti ng of w or ds i n thi s ti tl e. “Gl ue sni f f i ng” i s not onl y catchy but
al so condenses the l onger ter m “i nhal ati on of ai r pl ane gl ue. ” “Causes” i s a condensed w ay of
say i ng “sensi ti zes the hear t to. ” For som e r eader s “causes” m ay seem l i k e ov er statem ent,
especi al l y si nce “asphy x i ai nduced” i s om i tted. These r eader s m ay pr ef er “l eads to, ” w hi ch
i s l ess di r ect than “causes. ” Fi nal l y , “hear t bl ock ” i s a condensed w ay of say i ng
“atr i ov entr i cul ar bl ock ” w i thout usi ng an abbr ev i ati on (“AV bl ock ”).
Ev en though thi s ti tl e i s catchy and thus shoul d attr act r eader s, i t al so f ol l ow s the gui del i nes
f or the content and hal l m ar k s of a good ti tl e. Al l the necessar y i nf or m ati on i s i ncl uded:
“gl ue” i s the i ndependent v ar i abl e, “sni f f i ng” i s the ex per i m ental appr oach, “causes” i s the
m essage, “hear t bl ock ” i s the dependent v ar i abl e, and “m i ce” ar e the ani m al s studi ed. In
addi ti on, al though som e r eader s w i l l di spute the accur acy of the ti tl e and per haps al so the
com pl eteness, the ti tl e speci f i cal l y i denti f i es the m essage of the paper , i s unam bi guous, i s
conci se, and begi ns w i th an i m por tant ter m .
CHAPTER 12
Exercise 12.1: Seeing the Big Picture

Strengths
Overall
The paper i s f ai r l y shor t, m eaty, and cl ear.
Ther e ar e no l oose ends.
Most key ter m s ar e kept consi stent or ar e shor tened r ecogni zabl y (f or ex am pl e, “um bi l i cal cor d
occl usi on,” “cor d occl usi on”).
Onl y thr ee abbr ev i ati ons ar e used: pO 2 , pCO 2 , SD (par ti al pr essur e of ox ygen, par ti al pr essur e of
car bon di ox i de, standar d dev i ati on).
Introduction
What i s k now n (A–D) and the i m por tance (E) ar e cl ear l y stated.
The Intr oducti on star ts cl ose to the speci f i c topi c.
The f unnel i n the f i r st hal f of paragraph 2 (F–J) i s cl ear.
The si gnal of the questi on (O) i s cl ear.
The statem ent of the ex per i m ental appr oach (P) cl ear l y addr esses the pr obl em m enti oned i n
paragraph 2 (J).

Subheadi ngs cl ear l y i denti f y the subsecti ons of Mater i al s and Methods.
Ver bal si gnal s ar e used i n som e subsecti ons:
Sur gi cal Pr epar ati on: Topi c sentence (“The sur gi cal pr otocol has been descr i bed
pr ev i ousl y . Br i ef l y , … ”).
Study Desi gn: A topi c sentence that gi v es a br i ef ov er v i ew (“Four ex per i m ents w er e
per f or m ed i n the sequence pr esented bel ow . ”).
For each ex per i m ent, w e k now w hat w as done and w hat the i ndependent and dependent
v ar i abl es and the contr ol s ar e.
The descr i pti on of each ex per i m ent i s or gani zed accor di ng to the i ndependent v ar i abl es
l i sted i n the questi on (v enti l ati on, ox y genati on, um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on).
P. 415
Pur poses (par as. 4, 5, 7) and r easons (par as. 6, 7, 9, 10, 12) ar e i ncl uded f or speci f i c
pr ocedur es.
Thi nk i ng i s cl ear l y di spl ay ed i n “Cal cul ati ons” and “Anal y si s of Data. ”
Results
The or der of i ndependent var i abl es w i thi n paragraphs 1, 2, and 3 i s consi stent (venti l ati on,
ox ygenati on, um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on).
Thi nk i ng i s cl ear l y di spl ayed i n “Major v s. Mi nor Responder s Dur i ng Venti l ati on Al one” to ex pl ai n
w hy the author i s r epor ti ng som e r esul ts that do not hel p answ er the questi on. Because the
questi on f or these r esul ts coul d not have been desi gned i nto the study, stati ng the questi on and
descr i bi ng the m ethods i n the Resul ts secti on i s appr opr i ate.
Discussion
The Di scussi on has the thr ee standar d par ts: the answ er to the questi on at the begi nni ng,
ex pl anati on and ex pansi on of the answ er i n the m i ddl e, and a r estatem ent of the answ er f ol l ow ed
by specul ati on at the end.
Topi cs ar e or gani zed f r om m ost to l east i m por tant to the questi on and answ er.
Readi ng the topi c sentence at the begi nni ng of each paragraph gi ves an over v i ew of the stor y.
Paragraph 1:
Cl ear statem ent of the contex t (A).
Cl ear statem ent of the answ er (B).
Paragraph 2:
Cl ear topi c sentence (D).
Paragraph 3:
Cl ear.
A l i m i tati on of the study desi gn i s i ncl uded (X).
Al though the topi c of paragraph 3 i s tangenti al , the author consi der ed i t at l east as i m por tant as
the questi on and answ er, so i t i s i ncl uded i n the Di scussi on.
Paragraph 4:
Cl ear.
Paragraph 5:
The l ast sentence br i ngs the stor y f ul l ci r cl e by m enti oni ng the sy ndr om e of per si stent pul m onar y
hy per tensi on of the new bor n, w hi ch was f i r st m enti oned i n the Intr oducti on (E).
References
Al l r ef er ences i n the l i st ar e i n the tex t, and v i ce ver sa.
Figures and Tables

The f i gur es ar e paral l el .
The tabl es ar e cl ear and cl ear l y suppor t the statem ents i n the tex t, and thei r f or m i s paral l el .
The var i abl es and the val ues i n the f i gur es and tabl es ar e the sam e as those i n the tex t. The key
ter m s and the uni ts of m easur em ent ar e al so the sam e.
The ani m al studi ed i s stated i n al l f i gur es and tabl es.
In al l f i gur es and tabl es data ar e i denti f i ed as m ean ± SD, and n (the sam pl e si ze) i s gi ven.
P. 416
Fi gur e l egends and f ootnotes of tabl es gi ve enough i nf or m ati on to m ake the f i gur es and tabl es
under standabl e w i thout r ef er ence to the tex t.
Data i n f i gur es do not r epeat data i n tabl es.
Abstract
The si gnal s of the r esul ts (E) and of the answ er (K) ar e cl ear.
The back gr ound statem ent (A) i s cl ear.
The statem ent of the r esul ts (E–J) i s cl ear.
Resul ts and data i n the abstract ar e the sam e as those i n the Resul ts secti on.
The ani m al studi ed i s stated i n the descr i pti on of the ex per i m ent (C).
Data ar e pr esented as per cent change rather than as m ean and standar d dev i ati on.
Weaknesses
Overall
The statem ents of the questi on ar e not al l the sam e.
Abstr act: “to deter m i ne w hether v enti l ati on and ox y genati on of the f etal l ungs coul d
cause thi s decr ease i n r esi stance” (C).
Intr oducti on: “to deter m i ne w hether the sequenti al ex posur e of the f etus to gaseous
v enti l ati on, ox y genati on, and um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on coul d decr ease pul m onar y
v ascul ar r esi stance to l ev el s seen at bi r th” (O).
The statem ents of the answ er ar e not al l the sam e.
Abstract: “The changes i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance and bl ood f l ow that occur at
bi r th can be achi eved by i n uter o venti l ati on and ox ygenati on” (K).
Di scussi on: “Venti l ati on and ox ygenati on together can account f or the decr ease i n
pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance, and thus f or the l ar ge i ncr ease i n pul m onar y bl ood
f l ow, that nor m al l y occur at bi r th” (B).
Di scussi on: “The changes i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance and bl ood f l ow that ar e
cr i ti cal to the adaptati on of the f etus to the postnatal env i r onm ent can be achi eved by
i n uter o venti l ati on and ox ygenati on (EE). Mor eover, m uch of the vasodi l ator y r esponse
can be achi eved w i thout an i ncr ease i n f etal pO 2 ” (FF).
The answ er s do not answ er the questi ons as ask ed. The v er bs i n al l the answ er s ar e
di f f er ent f r om the v er bs i n the questi ons. In addi ti on, the end of the Di scussi on (FF) i ncl udes
an answ er f or w hi ch ther e i s no questi on. Thi s i s a m ajor di scr epancy i n the ov er v i ew .
The over v i ew i n the tex t i s not as cl ear as the over v i ew i n the abstract. Or gani zati on f r om
m ost to l east i m por tant shoul d be used m or e i n the tex t. Al so, m or e techni ques of conti nui ty
need to be used i n the tex t to m ake the over v i ew cl ear : topi c sentences, ver bal and v i sual
si gnal s of topi cs, ex act r epeti ti on of key ter m s. Fi nal l y, l ong ex pl anati ons shoul d be
condensed.
The ter m “venti l ati on” i s not pr eci se. A m or e pr eci se ter m i s “l ung di stensi on,” as i ndi cated
by the def i ni ti on of venti l ati on i n the or i gi nal Intr oducti on (sent. G).
The w r i ti ng coul d be l i v el i er .
Introduction
The r ev i ew of the l i teratur e [ev i dence that the pul m onar y vascul ar r esponse to venti l ati on,
ox ygenati on, and um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on m ay be
P. 417
Sal ter ed by the m etabol i c ef f ects of acute sur ger y and anesthesi a (K–N )] i s unnecessar y. Thi s
topi c i s deal t w i th m or e r el evantl y i n the Di scussi on (para. 2).
The r ef er ences i n the r ev i ew of the l i teratur e (11–25) ar e unnecessar y.
The r eason f or study i ng the ef f ect of um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on shoul d be added.
To em phasi ze the r eason f or the cum ul ati ve study desi gn, the r eason can be i ncl uded i n the
Intr oducti on rather than i n the Anal y si s of Data subsecti on of Methods.
The questi on (O) r el ates to the f i r st answ er onl y. One sol uti on i s to add a questi on that r el ates to
the second answ er. Another sol uti on i s to ask onl y the second questi on, as i n the r ev i si on bel ow.
The questi on shoul d be i n pr esent tense.

Sur gi cal Pr epar ati on: The br i ef descr i pti on does not seem br i ef .
Study Desi gn:
Mor e ov er v i ew i s needed at the begi nni ng.
The m or e pr eci se ter m “basel i ne” can be used i nstead of “contr ol . ”
Detai l s of the i nter v enti ons and detai l s of m ethods of m easur em ent shoul d be m ov ed to
separ ate subsecti ons. Par agr aph 8 shoul d be at the end of the Cal cul ati ons subsecti on.
Cal cul ati ons:
Or gani zi ng f r om m ost to l east i m por tant w oul d em phasi ze the dependent var i abl e i n the
questi on (pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance) m or e.
Mor e over v i ew w oul d be usef ul , speci f i cal l y, a topi c sentence say i ng that m i cr ospher es
w er e i njected i n tw o way s, a com pani on topi c sentence i n the nex t paragraph
announci ng the second way of i njecti ng m i cr ospher es, and a transi ti on phrase stati ng
the pur pose of i njecti ng m i cr ospher es i nto the l ef t atr i um . In addi ti on, a br i ef
descr i pti on of the m i cr ospher e m ethod coul d be added (para. 10 of the Rev i si on).
Results
Putti ng the r esul ts f or pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance i n the m i ddl e of the Resul ts secti on and al so
bur y i ng them at the end of the paragraph on pr essur es (para. 3) m ake the i m por tant r esul ts har d
to f i nd. Or gani zi ng f r om m ost to l east i m por tant w oul d em phasi ze the r esul ts that answ er the
questi on both i n the Resul ts secti on and i n the f i gur es (pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance, the m ost
i m por tant dependent var i abl e, w oul d be i n Fi g. 1). The var i abl es on w hi ch the cal cul ati on of
pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance was based (pul m onar y bl ood f l ow and m ean pul m onar y ar ter i al
and l ef t atr i al pr essur es) can com e nex t, and bl ood gases and pH can com e l ast. For thi s
or gani zati on, a topi c sentence l i nk i ng pul m onar y bl ood f l ow to pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance
shoul d be added (see para. 2 of Resul ts i n the Rev i si on).
Al ter nati vel y, r eor gani zi ng the r esul ts accor di ng to the i ndependent var i abl e, the sam e
or gani zati on as i n Methods, rather than accor di ng to the dependent var i abl e w oul d m ake the
Resul ts cor r espond m or e cl ear l y w i th the questi on, the abstract, Methods, and the cal cul ati on of
pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance.
The ani m al studi ed shoul d be m enti oned at the begi nni ng of Resul ts.
The data f or pul m onar y bl ood f l ow and f or pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance do not need to be
m enti oned; ci ti ng the f i gur es i s suf f i ci ent.
P. 418
In paragraph 2, Fi gur e 1 shoul d be ci ted af ter an ex per i m ental r esul t (the ef f ect of venti l ati on),
not af ter a contr ol r esul t. In paragraph 3, Fi gur e 2 shoul d be ci ted af ter the r esul t f or venti l ati on
al one (the dram ati c decr ease), not at the end of the sentence.
In paragraph 5, the f i r st sentence (m ethods) shoul d be subor di nated to the second sentence
(r esul ts), and Tabl e 4 shoul d be ci ted af ter the r esul t, not af ter the m ethod. The r em ai ni ng
sentences can be om i tted because the detai l s ar e i ncl uded i n the Di scussi on (para. 3).
Discussion
Paragraph 1:
A str onger si gnal of the answ er i n B and a str onger l i nk betw een B and A w oul d be hel pf ul (see
the r ev i si on).
The ani m al studi ed shoul d be m enti oned i n the si gnal of the answ er.
Instead of stati ng a r esul t, sentence C shoul d state an answ er. The var i abl e shoul d be pul m onar y
vascul ar r esi stance and the ver b shoul d be i n pr esent tense.
Paragraphs 2–4:
Condensi ng w oul d m ake these paragraphs cl ear er.
Paragraph 3:
Identi f y i ng the gr eat var i abi l i ty i n the r esponse of f etal pul m onar y bl ood f l ow as an unex pected
f i ndi ng (sentence M) w oul d m ake the over v i ew cl ear er.
Paragraph 4:
To m ake the topi c sentence sound l ess negati ve and to f ocus the stor y on the topi c of paragraph
4, the f i r st poi nt i n sentence Y can be subor di nated to the second poi nt.
Paragraph 5:
“In uter o” bel ongs i n the ex per i m ental appr oach, not i n the answ er (EE).
The answ er shoul d be si gnal ed and the ani m al studi ed shoul d be nam ed i n the si gnal .
Changi ng the key ter m (f r om “venti l ati on” to “w i thout an i ncr ease i n f etal pO 2 ”) m akes the
second answ er (FF) di f f i cul t to under stand.
Pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance shoul d be added to the l ast sentence (II) to r el ate the specul ati on
to the dependent var i abl e i n the answ er bef or e r el ati ng i t to a cl i ni cal pr obl em based on the
dependent var i abl e.
Figures and Tables

In the tabl es, al l sam pl e si zes l ess than 16 shoul d be accounted f or. (The sam pl e si ze of 12
dur i ng um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on i n Tabl e 1 i s accounted f or i n para. 7 of Methods. The sam pl e si ze
of 10 f or l ef t atr i al pr essur e dur i ng venti l ati on and ox ygenati on i s accounted f or i n para. 3 of
Resul ts. )
Tabl es 1–3 coul d be r edesi gned so that the i ndependent var i abl e r uns dow n the f i r st col um n on
the l ef t (see the r ev i si on). In addi ti on, the data i n Tabl es 2–4, w hi ch ar e not nor m al l y di str i buted,
shoul d be m edi ans and i nter quar ti l e ranges.
Fi gur es 1 and 2 shoul d be boxandw hi sker pl ots, because the data ar e not nor m al l y di str i buted
(w hi ch i s w hy the data w er e anal y zed by the MannWhi tney U test).
The data f or the answ er to the questi on shoul d not be spl i t i nto tw o f i gur es and a tabl e (Fi gs. 1, 2
and Tabl e 3). To m ake the cal cul ati on of pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance f r om pul m onar y bl ood
f l ow and the di f f er ence betw een l ef t atr i al pr essur e and sy stem i c ar ter i al pr essur e cl ear, al l the
data can be pr esented i n a tabl e (see the r ev i si on).
P. 419
In Fi gur e 3, the poi nt that i ndi v i dual changes i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow w er e ex tr em el y var i abl e i s
di f f i cul t to see because the over l ap of cur ves m akes f ol l ow i ng and com par i ng i ndi v i dual cur ves
di f f i cul t. One way to m ake the poi nt i n Fi gur e 3 cl ear i s to r edraw the graph as tw o separate
graphs, one f or m ajor r esponder s and the other f or m i nor r esponder s.
Abstract
The questi on i n the abstract (C) does not r ef l ect the paper accuratel y because the questi on om i ts
one of the i ndependent var i abl es (um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on), thus cr eati ng onl y a par ti al
ex pectati on of the topi cs i n the paper.
The ex per i m ent done shoul d m enti on pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance (D).
Changi ng the key ter m “venti l ati on” to “venti l ati on… w i th a gas m i x tur e that pr oduced no changes
i n ar ter i al bl ood gases” (E) and to “w i thout an i ncr ease i n f etal pO 2 ” (L) i s conf usi ng.
“U nex pectedl y ” shoul d be added at the begi nni ng of the r esul ts i n sentence I.
In the answ er (K), the poi nt of v i ew shoul d be the sam e as that i n the questi on; the ver b shoul d
al so be the sam e. In addi ti on, “i n uter o” bel ongs onl y i n the descr i pti on of the ex per i m ent, not i n
the answ er.
The abstract i s l onger than necessar y. Sentences B (back gr ound) and M (specul ati on) can be
om i tted. Sentences E–H (r esul ts) can be condensed.
Title
The ti tl e i ndi cates the topi c of the paper onl y v aguel y .
“Changes” shoul d be changed to “decr eases. ”
“Pul m onar y Ci r cul ati on” shoul d be changed to “Pul m onar y Vascul ar Resi stance” (the
dependent v ar i abl e).
Instead of “Bi r thRel ated Ev ents, ” the speci f i c i ndependent v ar i abl es that decr eased
pul m onar y v ascul ar r esi stance shoul d be nam ed.
For the m ost speci f i c ti tl e, the m essage can be stated i n a v er b (“decr ease”).
The ani m al studi ed m ust be i ncl uded i n the ti tl e.
Revision
LUNG DISTENSION: THE MAJOR CAUSE OF DECREASED PULMONARY

VASCULAR RESISTANCE IN NEARTERM FETAL SHEEP
Abstract
A Inthi s study, w e asked w hether di stensi on of the l ungs, ox ygenati on of the l ungs, or occl usi on
of the um bi l i cal cor d i s the m ajor cause of the decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance that
nor m al l y occur s at bi r th. B To answ er thi s questi on, w e assessed the cum ul ati ve ef f ects of l ung
di stensi on, ox ygenati on, and um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on on pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance i n 16
chr oni cal l y i nstr um ented near ter m f etal sheep i n uter o. C We cal cul ated pul m onar y vascul ar
r esi stance f r om vascul ar pr essur es and pul m onar y bl ood f l ow (obtai ned by i njecti ng radi onucl i de
l abel ed m i cr ospher es) dur i ng basel i ne, l ung di stensi on, ox ygenati on, and um bi l i cal cor d
occl usi on. D We f ound that l ung di stensi on al one decr eased pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance to 34%
of basel i ne, because of a 400% i ncr ease i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow, no change i n pul m onar y
ar ter i al pr essur e, and a 200% i ncr ease i n l ef t atr i al pr essur e. E Ox ygenati on
P. 420
decr eased pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance f ur ther (to 10% of basel i ne), because of a m odest
f ur ther i ncr ease i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow and a decr ease i n pul m onar y ar ter i al pr essur e.
F U m bi l i cal
cor d occl usi on caused no f ur ther change i n any of the var i abl es. G U ne x pe c te dly, the
f etuses r esponded di f f er entl y to l ung di stensi on: i n ei ght, pul m onar y bl ood f l ow was m ax i m al
dur i ng l ung di stensi on w her eas i n the other ei ght, i t was onl y 20% of m ax i m al . H We f ound no
di f f er ences betw een the tw o gr oups of f etuses to ex pl ai n thei r di f f er ent r esponses. I We concl ude
that l ung di stensi on i s the m ajor cause of the decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance that
nor m al l y occur s at bi r th.
Introduction
1 A At bi r th, as the l ungs r epl ace the pl acenta as the m ai n or gan of gas exchange, pul m onar y
vascul ar r esi stance m ust decr ease dram ati cal l y, al l ow i ng pul m onar y bl ood f l ow to i ncr ease and
ox ygen exchange to occur i n the l ungs. B If pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance does not decr ease, the
sy ndr om e of per si stent pul m onar y hy per tensi on of the new bor n occur s, of ten l eadi ng to death.
2 C Whi ch of the m any events that occur at bi r th c a us e the nor m al decr ease i n pul m onar y
vascul ar r esi stance i s not f ul l y under stood. D Thr ee m ajor events that coul d c a us e thi s decr ease
ar e r hy thm i c gaseous di stensi on of the l ungs, ox ygenati on of the l ungs, and occl usi on of the
um bi l i cal cor d. E Tw o of these events—di stensi on and ox ygenati on—have been studi ed i n acutel y
ex ter i or i zed f etal sheep. F The studi es suggested that ox ygenati on rather than di stensi on of the
f etal l ungs is the ma jor c a us e of the decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance (5–10).
G How ever, the m etabol i c ef f ects of acute anesthesi a and sur ger y used to ex ter i or i ze the f etal
sheep m ay have al ter ed the pul m onar y vascul ar r esponse i n these studi es, because thi s r esponse
i s consi der ed to be at l east par tl y m edi ated by vasoacti ve m etabol i tes (11). H In addi ti on,
al though the ef f ect of um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on on pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance has been studi ed
onl y i ndi r ectl y, um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on has been f ound to i ncr ease catechol am i nes gr eatl y (r ef ).
I Thi si ncr ease i n catechol am i nes coul d al ter pul m onar y vascul ar tone and thus coul d change
pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance.
3 J Ther ef or e, i n thi s study, w e asked w hether di stensi on of the l ungs, ox ygenati on of the l ungs,
or occl usi on of the um bi l i cal cor d (D) i s the m ajor c a us e (F) of the decr ease i n pul m onar y
vascul ar r esi stance that nor m al l y occur s at bi r th (A, C). K To answ er thi s questi on, w e assessed
the cum ul ati ve ef f ects of l ung di stensi on, ox ygenati on, and um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on on pul m onar y
vascul ar r esi stance i n 16 near ter m f etal sheep i n uter o. L We studi ed the cum ul ati ve ef f ects
rather than the i ndependent ef f ects because the or der of the ex per i m ents coul d not be
random i zed. M One r eason i s that w e w er e concer ned that ox ygenati on of the f etal l ungs m i ght
i nduce num er ous and per haps i r r ever si bl e m etabol i c and hem ody nam i c consequences, so that
subsequent l ung di stensi on i n the absence of ox ygenati on coul d not be studi ed. N Another r eason
i s that the um bi l i cal cor d cannot be occl uded bef or e ox ygenati on. O Thus,
the study i s com posed
of f our cum ul ati ve ex per i m ents: basel i ne, l ung di stensi on, ox ygenati on, and um bi l i cal cor d
occl usi on. * P To avoi d the super i m posed ef f ects of acute anestheti c and sur gi cal str esses and of
other com ponents of the bi r th pr ocess, such as pr enatal hor m onal sur ges, l abor, del i ver y, and
col d ex posur e, w e di d these ex per i m ents i n near ter m f etal sheep i n uter o 2–3 day s af ter sur ger y
f or catheter pl acem ent.
P. 421

(Topi c sentences, transi ti on phrases, and key ter m s that si gnal topi cs of paragraphs or subtopi cs
w i thi n paragraphs ar e under l i ned)
Animals
1 A Si x teen f etal sheep w er e studi ed at 134. 9 ± 1. 2 (SD) day s of gestati on (ter m i s about 145
day s). B The f etuses w er e of nor m al w ei ght (3. 6 ± 0. 6 k g) and had nor m al bl ood gases (see
Resul ts) and hem ogl obi n concentrati ons (10. 9 ± 1. 6 g/dl ) at the begi nni ng of the study. C Ani m al
husbandr y and the study desi gn f ol l ow ed the gui del i nes of the N ati onal Insti tutes of Heal th. The
study desi gn w as appr ov ed by the Com m i ttee on Ani m al Resear ch at our uni v er si ty .
Surgical Preparation
2 D The sur gi cal pr otocol has been descr i bed pr ev i ousl y (4, 12). E Br i ef l y, dur i ng anesthesi a, f or
m easur em ent of pul m onar y bl ood f l ow and vascul ar pr essur es, catheter s w er e pl aced i n the
ascendi ng aor ta, the descendi ng aor ta, the i nf er i or vena cava, the l ef t atr i um , the pul m onar y
ar ter y, and the am ni oti c cav i ty (f or zer o pr essur e r ef er ence). F The ascendi ng aor ti c catheter was
al so used to obtai n bl ood sam pl es f or deter m i nati on of pH, pO 2 , pCO 2 , hem ogl obi n concentrati on,
and hem ogl obi n ox ygen saturati on. G For venti l ati on, an endotracheal tube was i nser ted. H Attached
to the endotracheal tube w er e tw o pi eces of pol y v i ny l tubi ng. I One pi ece was seal ed. J The other
pi ece was pl aced i n the am ni oti c cav i ty to al l ow f r ee drai nage of tracheal f l ui d postoperati vel y.
K In addi ti on, a catheter was pl aced i n the pl eural cav i ty f or tr eatm ent i n the event of a
pneum othorax . L Fi nal l y, a bal l oon occl uder was pl aced ar ound the um bi l i cal cor d.
Study Design
3 M Tw o to thr ee day s af ter sur ger y, w e per f or m ed f our cum ul ati ve ex per i m ents on each of the 16
f etal sheep i n the f ol l ow i ng sequence: f i r st, basel i ne; then added l ung di stensi on (i nduced by
venti l ati on w i th a gas m i x tur e that pr eser ved nor m al f etal bl ood gas content); then added
ox ygenati on (venti l ati on w i th 100% ox ygen); and l ast added um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on. N Dur i ng
each of the f our ex per i m ents, w e f i r st sam pl ed f etal bl ood f r om the ascendi ng aor ta f or
assessm ent of i ndi cator s of ox ygenati on and aci dbase status (pH, pO 2 , pCO 2 , hem ogl obi n
concentrati on, and hem ogl obi n ox ygen saturati on). O N ex t, f or the cal cul ati on of pul m onar y
vascul ar r esi stance, w e m easur ed m ean pr essur es i n the pul m onar y ar ter y and the l ef t atr i um
and then i njected radi onucl i del abel ed m i cr ospher es f or cal cul ati on of pul m onar y bl ood f l ow. P We
al so m easur ed sy stem i c ar ter i al pr essur e as a check of hem ody nam i c stabi l i ty. Q We obtai ned al l
data w i thi n 5 m i n and dur i ng hem ody nam i c stabi l i ty.
4 R Bef or e the f i r st ex per i m ent, w e pl aced the ew e i n a study cage and al l ow ed i t f r ee access to
al f al f a pel l ets and water. S Bef or e begi nni ng the ex per i m ental m easur em ents, w e wai ted f or at
l east 15 m i n af ter the i nter venti on f or pr essur es and bl ood gases to stabi l i ze. T Af ter tak i ng bl ood
sam pl es, w e gave f etal or m ater nal bl ood to r epl ace bl ood l oss.
P. 422
Interventions (new subsection)

5 U For l ung di stensi on, w e venti l ated the f etus's l ungs w i th a gas m i x tur e that pr eser ved nor m al
f etal bl ood gas content. V Fi r st, w e opened the tw o pol y v i ny l tubes connected to the tracheal tube
and al l ow ed the tracheal f l ui d to drai n by grav i ty. W Then w e bal anced a m i x tur e of ni tr ogen,
ox ygen, and car bon di ox i de to m atch the f etal bl ood gases obtai ned dur i ng the basel i ne
ex per i m ent. X The gas m i x tur e was about 92% ni tr ogen, 3% ox ygen, and 5% car bon di ox i de.
Y Bef or e begi nni ng venti l ati on, w e al l ow ed thi s gas m i x tur e to f l ow thr ough the pol y v i ny l tubi ng
f or a f ew seconds at a rate of about 10 L/m i n so that the f etus w oul d not be ex posed to hi gh
concentrati ons of ox ygen at the onset of venti l ati on. Z Then w e connected the tubi ng to a speci al l y
desi gned r espi rator and adjusted venti l ati on as descr i bed pr ev i ousl y (12). AA Venti l ator y setti ngs
ar e pr esented i n Tabl e 1.
Table 1. Ventilatory Settings for Variables in the Fetal Sheep

During Lung Distension, Oxygenation, and Umbilical Cord
Occlusion
Re s pira tory Ra te P e a k Ins pira tory End Ex pira tory

Ex pe rime nt (bre a ths /min) P re s s ure a (mmHg) P re s s ure a (mmHg)
Lung 50 ± 8 (15) c 27 ± 10 (15) 3 ± 6 (15)

Di stensi on b
Ox ygenati on 57 ± 12 (13) 26 ± 9 (14) 4 ± 6 (14)
Cor d 57 ± 13 (11) 25 ± 9 (12) 4 ± 6 (12)

Occl usi on

b Dur i ng l ung di stensi on, f etuses r ecei ved a m i x tur e of ni tr ogen, ox ygen, and car bon
di ox i de bal anced to m atch thei r bl ood gases dur i ng the basel i ne ex per i m ent.
c Data ar e m ean ± 1 SD f or the num ber of f etuses gi ven i n par entheses. Ther e w er e no
stati sti cal l y si gni f i cant di f f er ences betw een ex per i m ents f or any of the var i abl es.
6 B B For ox ygenati on, w e changed the gas m i x tur e to 100% ox ygen and conti nued venti l ati on.
C C We di d not add car bon di ox i de to the ox ygen because i ts addi ti on i n the f i r st f ew studi es
i ncr eased f etal pCO 2 . D D Thi s i ncr ease pr obabl y occur r ed because pl acental bl ood f l ow f el l dur i ng
ox ygenati on (4), i m pai r i ng car bon di ox i de r em oval .
7 EE For um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on, w e f ul l y i nf l ated the bal l oon ar ound the um bi l i cal cor d, thus
abol i shi ng pl acental bl ood f l ow (4). F F In 4 of the 16 f etuses, w e coul d not study cor d occl usi on,
because of a f aul ty bal l oon i n tw o and the devel opm ent of pneum othoraces, w hi ch l ed to
car di ovascul ar decom pensati on, i n tw o.
Methods of Measurement (new subsection)

8 Bl ood pr essur es w er e m easur ed by connecti ng the vascul ar catheter s to Statham P23Db strai n
gauge transducer s (Statham Instr um ents, Ox nar d, CA) and r ecor di ng the traci ngs on a di r ect
w r i ti ng pol ygraph (Beck m an Instr um ents, San Jose, CA). H H Bl ood gases and pH w er e anal y zed on
a Cor ni ng 158 pH/bl ood gas anal y zer (Medf i el d, MA) and hem ogl obi n ox ygen saturati ons on a
Radi om eter OSM2 hem ox i m eter (Copenhagen, Denm ar k ).
P. 423
Calculations
9 I I We cal cul ated pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance as the di f f er ence betw een m ean pul m onar y
ar ter i al pr essur e and m ean l ef t atr i al pr essur e di v i ded by pul m onar y bl ood f l ow . J J For the si x
f etuses i n w hi ch w e w er e unabl e to m easur e l ef t atr i al pr essur e f or techni cal r easons, w e used
the m ean val ues obtai ned f r om the other ten f etuses dur i ng the sam e ex per i m ent.
10 KK To cal cul ate pul m onar y and other bl ood f l ow s, w e used the radi onucl i del abel ed m i cr ospher e
m ethod (r ef ). L L Br i ef l y, w e i njected radi onucl i del abel ed m i cr ospher es (sel ected f r om 5 7 Co, 5 1 Cr,
1 5 3 Gd, 1 1 4 In, 5 4 Mn, 9 5 N b, 1 1 3 Sn, 8 5 Sr, and 6 5 Zn), 15 µm i n di am eter, i nto the i nf er i or vena cava
or i nto the i nf er i or vena cava and the l ef t atr i um . M M Dur i ng the i njecti on, w e w i thdr ew r ef er ence
bl ood sam pl es f r om vessel s pr ox i m al to each or gan gr oup (pul m onar y ar ter y f or the l ungs,
ascendi ng aor ta f or the upper body, and descendi ng aor ta f or the l ow er body and pl acenta) at a
rate of 4 m l /m i n. N N We used thi s r ef er ence f l ow, al ong w i th r ef er ence radi oacti v i ty counts and
al so or gan w ei ghts and counts, to cal cul ate bl ood f l ow s.
11 O O For cal cul ati on of pul m onar y bl ood f l ow, w e i njected m i cr ospher es i n tw o way s. P P Dur i ng
the basel i ne ex per i m ent, because ther e i s no l ef ttor i ght shunt thr ough the ductus ar ter i osus
(14), w e i njected m i cr ospher es i nto the i nf er i or vena cava and w i thdr ew bl ood sam pl es f r om the
pul m onar y ar ter y. Q Q Thi s i njecti on and w i thdrawal techni que excl udes br onchi al bl ood f l ow. RR To
cal cul ate br onchi al bl ood f l ow , i n si x f etal sheep w e al so i njected m i cr ospher es i nto the l ef t
atr i um dur i ng the basel i ne ex per i m ent. SS We f ound that br onchi al bl ood f l ow was r el ati vel y
constant and qui te sm al l , al way s l ess than 3% of com bi ned ventr i cul ar output. TT We then
subtracted thi s val ue f r om the pul m onar y bl ood f l ow val ues i n the r em ai ni ng ex per i m ents.
12 UU Dur i ng l ung di stensi on, ox ygenati on, and um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on, w e i njected m i cr ospher es
f or cal cul ati on of pul m onar y bl ood f l ow di f f er entl y . V V The r eason i s that upon venti l ati on,
pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance f al l s and bl ood f l ow i ncr eases dram ati cal l y. W W Thus, a l ef tto
r i ght shunt thr ough the ductus ar ter i osus cannot be excl uded. X X To
cal cul ate pul m onar y bl ood
f l ow i n the pr esence of a l ef ttor i ght shunt r equi r es a techni que that deter m i nes the
contr i buti ons of l ef t ventr i cul ar output to pul m onar y bl ood f l ow. Y Y Ther ef or e, dur i ng l ung
di stensi on, ox ygenati on, and um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on, w e i njected m i cr ospher es l abel ed w i th
di f f er ent radi onucl i des si m ul taneousl y i nto both the i nf er i or vena cava and the l ef t atr i um and
cal cul ated pul m onar y bl ood f l ow as the di f f er ence betw een com bi ned ventr i cul ar output and the
sum of bl ood f l ow s to the f etal body and pl acenta (4). ZZ Com bi ned ventr i cul ar output was
cal cul ated as the sum of l ef t and r i ght ventr i cul ar outputs. AAA Bl ood
f l ow s to the f etal body and
pl acenta w er e cal cul ated f r om the l ef t atr i al i njecti ons and r ef er ence bl ood w i thdrawal s f r om the
ascendi ng and descendi ng aor ta (4).
13 B B B U pon com pl eti on of the l ast ex per i m ent, w e gave the ew e a l ethal dose of sodi um
pentobar bi tal , r em oved the f etus f r om the uter us, and w ei ghed i t. C C C To obtai n radi oacti v i ty
counts f or cal cul ati on of pul m onar y bl ood f l ow , w e r em oved and w ei ghed al l or gans and pl aced
them i n f or m al i n. D D D Then w e separatel y car boni zed the or gans i n an oven, gr ound them i nto a
coar se pow der, and pl aced them i n pl asti c v i al s to a uni f or m hei ght of 3 cm . EEE To count the
radi oacti v i ty of the or gans and the r ef er ence bl ood sam pl es, w e used a 1000channel
m ul ti channel pul sehei ght anal y zer (N or l and, For t Atk i nson, WI). F F F We cal cul ated the speci f i c
acti v i ty of each i sotope w i thi n a
P. 424
sam pl e by the l eastsquar es m ethod (13). GGG Fr om
the r ef er ence f l ow and radi oacti v i ty counts
and the or gan w ei ghts and counts, w e cal cul ated bl ood f l ow s accor di ng to standar d f or m ul as
(r ef ).
Analysis of Data
14 H H H We anal y zed the data f r om each ex per i m ent by the MannWhi tney U test, com par i ng onl y
the data obtai ned dur i ng one ex per i m ent w i th data obtai ned dur i ng the ex per i m ent i m m edi atel y
pr ecedi ng i t. I I I We consi der ed stati sti cal si gni f i cance pr esent w hen the P val ue was ≤ 0. 001.
J J J Al l data ar e pr esented as m ean ± 1 SD.
Results
1 A Pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance i n the 16 f etal sheep decr eased to 34% of basel i ne val ues
dur i ng l ung di stensi on al one (Fi gur e 1). B It decr eased an addi ti onal 10% dur i ng ox ygenati on. C It
di d not change f ur ther af ter um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on.
Fi gur e 1. Pul m onar y vascul ar

r esi stance dur i ng sequenti al l ung
di stensi on, ox ygenati on, and
um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on i n the 16
f etal sheep. Data ar e m ean ± 1 SD.
*P ≤ 0. 001 v s. the ex per i m ent
i m m edi atel y pr ecedi ng i t. (N ote: Thi s
bar gr aph w oul d be appr opr i ate i f the
data w er e nor m al l y di str i buted. But
because the data ar e not nor m al l y
di str i buted, a box andw hi sk er pl ot
shoul d be dr aw n.)
2 D These decr eases i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance m ai nl y r ef l ect i ncr eases i n pul m onar y bl ood
f l ow. E Mean pul m onar y bl ood f l ow i ncr eased to f our ti m es the basel i ne val ue dur i ng l ung
di stensi on and to si x ti m es the basel i ne val ue dur i ng ox ygenati on (Tabl e 2). F A doubl i ng of l ef t
atr i al pr essur e al so contr i buted to the decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance dur i ng l ung
di stensi on (Tabl e 2). G A s ma ll but s ignific a nt decr ease i n m ean pul m onar y ar ter i al pr essur e al so
contr i buted to the decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance dur i ng ox ygenati on.
Table 2. Changes in Pulmonary Vascular Resistance and Its

Components During Cumulative Lung Distension,
Oxygenation, and Umbilical Cord Occlusion in Fetal Sheep
P ulmona ry
Sys te mic P ulmona ry Le ft Va s c ula r
Arte ria l Arte ria l Atria l P ulmona ry Re s is ta nc e
P re s s ure a P re s s ure a P re s s ure a Blood Flow (mmHg ·
Ex pe rime nt (mmHg) (mmHg) (mmHg) ((ml/min)/k g) min · k g/ml)
Basel i ne 52 ± 6 53 ± 8 4 ± 5 33 ± 17 (16) 1. 93 ± 1. 31
(15) b (15) (12) (16)
Lung 53 ± 6 55 ± 9 9 ± 4* 133 ± 94 (16) 0. 66 ± 0. 90

Di stensi on (15) (15) (10) (16)
Ox ygenati on 48 ± 6 47 ± 6 10 ± 5 206 ± 64‡ 0. 20 ± 0. 77

(15) (15) (10) (16) (16)
Cor d 58 ± 16 48 ± 16 9 ± 5 190 ± 69 (16) 0. 22 ± 0. 11
Occl usi on (12) (12) (7) (16)

b Data ar e m ean ± 1 SD f or the num ber of f etal sheep gi ven i n par entheses.
* P ≤ 0. 05, P ≤ 0. 001, ‡P ≤ 0. 01 v s. the ex per i m ent i m m edi atel y pr ecedi ng i t.
(N ote: Because the data ar e not nor m al l y di str i buted, they shoul d be sum m ar i zed as
m edi an and i nter quar ti l e r ange, not as m ean and standar d dev i ati on. )
P. 425
3 H The i ndi v i dual changes i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow dur i ng the ex per i m ents w er e ex tr em el y
var i abl e (Fi g. 2). I In som e f etuses the m ajor i ty of the i ncr ease occur r ed dur i ng l ung di stensi on,
w her eas i n other s ther e was al m ost no i ncr ease unti l ox ygenati on. J To l ook f or f actor s that m i ght
pr edi ct these di f f er ences i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow, f i r st w e ar bi trar i l y di v i ded the f etuses i nto
m ajor r esponder s (i ncr ease i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow at l east 50% of the cum ul ati ve i ncr ease over
the f our ex per i m ents) and m i nor r esponder s (i ncr ease l ess than 50% of the cum ul ati ve i ncr ease).
K Theei ght m ajor r esponder s had an i ncr ease i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow dur i ng l ung di stensi on that
was equal to the cum ul ati ve i ncr ease (103 ± 52%), w her eas the ei ght m i nor r esponder s had a
m uch sm al l er i ncr ease (20 ± 17%). L Then w e assessed basel i ne var i abl es that m i ght be di f f er ent
i n the m ajor and m i nor r esponder s. M Inaddi ti on, to see i f the di f f er ence coul d have r esul ted
f r om di f f er ences i n the ul ti m ate vasodi l ati on and pul m onar y bl ood f l ow, w e l ooked at tw o
i ndi cator s of vasodi l ati on and at pul m onar y bl ood f l ow dur i ng ox ygenati on. N N one of these
var i abl es show ed s ta tis tic a lly s ignific a nt di f f er ences betw een the tw o gr oups (Tabl e 3)
(unchanged f r om Tabl e 4 i n the or i gi nal v er si on).
Fi gur e 2.
Indi v i dual
changes i n
pul m onar y
bl ood f l ow
i n each of
the 8 ma jor
re s ponde rs
a nd the 8
minor
re s ponde rs
dur i ng
cum ul ati ve
l ung
di stensi on,
ox ygenati on,
and
um bi l i cal
cor d
occl usi on.
P. 426
4 O Except f or pO 2 and hem ogl obi n ox ygen saturati on, w hi ch i ncr eased appr opr i atel y dur i ng
ox ygenati on, sy stem i c ar ter i al bl ood gases and hem ogl obi n ox ygen saturati on di d not change
s ignific a ntly dur i ng l ung di stensi on, ox ygenati on, or um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on (Tabl e 4).
Table 4. Ascending Aortic pH, Blood Gases, and Hemoglobin

Oxygen Saturations during the Experiments
Hgb O 2 s a t a Ex pe rime nt pH pO 2 (mmHg) pCO 2
(% ) (mmHg)
Contr ol 7. 37 ± 0. 06 b 18 ± 3 (16) 55 ± 26 47 ± 13 (16)

(15) (15)
Lung 7. 35 ± 0. 07 (16) 19 ± 4 (16) 54 ± 6 (16) 46 ± 12 (16)

Di stensi on
Ox ygenati on 7. 34 ± 0. 09 (16) 215 ± 154* 51 ± 10 97 ± 6* (16)

(16) (16)
Cor d Occl usi on 7. 29 ± 0. 15 (13) 263 ± 168 (13) 58 ± 21 95 ± 10 (16)

(12)
a Hgb O 2 sat, hem ogl obi n ox ygen saturati on.

b Data ar e m ean ± 1 SD f or f our cum ul ati ve ex per i m ents on the num ber of f etal sheep
gi ven i n par entheses.
≤ 0. 01.
(N ote: Because the data ar e not nor m al l y di str i buted, they shoul d be sum m ar i zed as
m edi an and i nter quar ti l e r ange, not m ean and standar d dev i ati on. )
Discussion
1 A Of the thr ee m ajor events that occur at bi r th, r hy thm i c gaseous di stensi on of the l ungs,
ox ygenati on of the l ungs, and um bi l i cal cor d occl usi on, ox ygenati on has been r epor ted to be the
m ajor cause of the decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance that nor m al l y occur s at bi r th (5–
10). B In thi s study i n f etal sheep, w e f ound that di stensi on of the l ungs, not ox ygenati on, is the
ma jor c a us e of thi s decr ease. C In our near ter m f etal sheep i n uter o, near l y tw othi r ds of the
decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance occur r ed dur i ng l ung di stensi on and the r em ai ni ng
onethi r d occur r ed dur i ng ox ygenati on. DNo f ur ther decr ease occur r ed dur i ng um bi l i cal cor d
occl usi on.
2 E The r eason w e f ound a l ar ger decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance dur i ng l ung
di stensi on than pr ev i ousl y r epor ted m ay be that pr ev i ous studi es w er e per f or m ed on acutel y
ex ter i or i zed f etuses (5, 6, 8–10). F An acute str ess such as that caused by the anesthesi a and
sur ger y used to ex ter i or i ze a f etus can gr eatl y al ter pr oducti on and i nhi bi ti on of var i ous
m etabol i c agents, such as pr ostagl andi ns. G Al ter ed pr oducti on and i nhi bi ti on of pr ostagl andi ns
coul d have sl ow ed the rate of decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance i n those studi es.
H Ev i dence f or thi s possi bi l i ty i s that the pr ostagl andi n sy nthesi s i nhi bi tor i ndom ethaci n has been
show n to attenuate thi s decr ease (30). I Fur ther ev i dence i s that pr ostagl andi n I 2 , a potent
pul m onar y vasodi l ator, i s pr oduced i n r esponse to ei ther m echani cal venti l ati on (20, 21) or
br eathi ng (19) i n r ecentl y del i ver ed f etal l am bs. J Gr eater vasodi l ati on w oul d decr ease pul m onar y
vascul ar r esi stance. K In addi ti on, the pr oducti on of pr ostagl andi n E 1 , pr ostagl andi n D 2 , and
brady k i ni n and the i nhi bi ti on of l eukotr i enes C 4 and D 4 m ay af f ect pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance
(31). L Thus, the var i abl e but general l y l esser ef f ects of l ung di stensi on i n the pr ev i ous studi es
m ay be ascr i bed to the var i abl e ef f ects of the study pr otocol s on the m etabol i c m i l i eu of the
pul m onar y vascul ar bed.
3 M U nex pectedl y , w e al so f ound gr eat var i abi l i ty i n the r esponse of f etal pul m onar y bl ood f l ow to
the ef f ects of l ung di stensi on. N In onehal f of the f etuses, the m ean i ncr ease i n pul m onar y bl ood
f l ow dur i ng l ung di stensi on was
P. 427
m ax i m al , w her eas i n the other hal f i t was onl y about 20% of the cum ul ati ve r esponse.
O Inter esti ngl y, Cook et al . (11) f ound si m i l ar var i abi l i ty i n thei r study of ni tr ogen and ai r
venti l ati on: of the si x f etuses studi ed, tw o show ed no ef f ect of ni tr ogen venti l ati on but a l ar ge
ef f ect upon changi ng to ai r, tw o show ed a sm al l ef f ect of ni tr ogen and a l ar ger r esponse to ai r,
and tw o show ed a l ar ge i ncr ease i n pul m onar y bl ood f l ow dur i ng ni tr ogen venti l ati on w i th no
f ur ther change upon ex posur e to ai r. P To ex pl ai n these f i ndi ngs, Cook et al . noted that ni tr ogen
had the gr eatest ef f ect on the sm al l est f etuses. Q How ever, w e w er e unabl e to i denti f y the
r easons f or the var i abi l i ty w e f ound. R It was not on a pur el y ar i thm eti c basi s. S That i s, the m ajor
r esponder s di d not begi n w i th l ow er contr ol f l ow s or have l ow er m ax i m al f l ow s. T In f act, the tw o
gr oups had r em ar k abl y si m i l ar pul m onar y bl ood f l ow s both dur i ng basel i ne m easur em ents and
dur i ng venti l ati on w i th 100% ox ygen. U The gr oups w er e al so not di f f er ent i n thei r overal l
m atur i ty, w i th r espect to ei ther gestati onal age or w ei ght. V In addi ti on, di f f er ences i n pO 2 w er e
not r esponsi bl e f or the di f f er ences betw een m ajor and m i nor r esponder s, si nce both dur i ng
basel i ne m easur em ents and dur i ng l ung di stensi on, the m i nor r esponder s w er e nei ther m or e
hy pox i c nor m or e hy per capni c than the m ajor r esponder s. W Lastl y, adequacy of al veol ar
venti l ati on was pr obabl y not r esponsi bl e f or the di f f er ence betw een the gr oups. X Al though w e
w er e not abl e to deter m i ne the adequacy of al veol ar venti l ati on dur i ng l ung di stensi on, dur i ng
ox ygenati on, pO 2 and pCO 2 val ues w er e si m i l ar i n the tw o gr oups, w i thout the m ethod of
venti l ati on hav i ng been changed i n ei ther gr oup.
4 Y Al though the m ar ked di f f er ence betw een the pul m onar y vasodi l ator y r esponses of the tw o
gr oups of f etuses i s thus unex pl ai ned, thi s di f f er ence m ay have i m por tant i m pl i cati ons. Z Fi r st, i t
m ay be i m por tant i n uncover i ng the m etabol i c pr ocesses r esponsi bl e f or an i ncom pl ete decr ease
i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance at bi r th. AA Second, eval uati on of the concentrati ons and f l uxes
of the putati ve m etabol i c agents i nvol ved m ay dem onstrate di f f er ent f ates of these agents i n
m ajor and m i nor r esponder s.
5 B B In sum m ar y, thi s study i n f etal sheep show s that di stensi on of the l ungs, not ox ygenati on, is
the ma jor c a us e of the decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar r esi stance that nor m al l y occur s at bi r th.
C C How ever, the ef f ect of l ung di stensi on i s var i abl e. D D The var i abi l i ty i s pr obabl y m edi ated i n
par t by al terati ons i n a var i ety of vasoacti ve m etabol i tes. EE By
usi ng an i n uter o pr eparati on to
i nvesti gate the m etabol i c di f f er ences betw een f etuses that do and do not r espond to l ung
di stensi on al one, the pr ocesses r esponsi bl e f or an i ncom pl ete decr ease i n pul m onar y vascul ar
r esi stance and thus f or the sy ndr om e of per si stent pul m onar y hy per tensi on of the new bor n m ay
be better el uci dated.
FOOTNOTES
* Sentences K–O w er e or i gi nal l y i n the Anal y si s of Data subsecti on of Methods.
P. 428
P. 429
Literature Cited
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Chapter 2: SENTENCE STRUCTURE

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Chapter 3: PARAGRAPH STRUCTURE

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Chapter 6: RESULTS
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Gar dner and Al tm an. See Chapter 5.

Chapter 8: FIGURES AND TABLES
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Woodf or d. Sci enti f i c w r i ti ng f or graduate students. See Chapter 2.
Br i scoe MH. Pr epar i ng sci enti f i c i l l ustrati ons: a gui de to better poster s, pr esentati ons, and
publ i cati ons. 2nd ed. N ew Yor k : Spr i nger Ver l ag, 1996. Gi v es cl ear , speci f i c ex pl anati ons f or
ef f ecti v e pr esentati on of al l ty pes of i l l ustr ati ons used i n bi om edi cal r esear ch paper s.
Incl udes cl ear ex am pl es of each ty pe of i l l ustr ati on. Al so i ncl udes a secti on on tabl es.
Chapter 9: REFERENCES
Lock S. A di f f i cul t bal ance: edi tor i al peer r ev i ew i n m edi ci ne. Phi l adel phi a: ISI Pr ess, 1986.
Studi es peer r ev i ew i n m edi cal jour nal s to deter m i ne w hether peer r ev i ew v al i dates publ i shed
ar ti cl es and w hether v al i dati on i s w or th the pr i ce. Concl udes that onl y ti m e v al i dates ar ti cl es
but that peer r ev i ew i s the best m eans av ai l abl e f or sel ecti ng ar ti cl es to publ i sh and f or
i m pr ov i ng the sci ence and w r i ti ng i n jour nal ar ti cl es.
Inter nati onal Com m i ttee of Medi cal Jour nal Edi tor s. U ni f or m r equi r em ents f or m anuscr i pts
subm i tted to bi om edi cal jour nal s. Ann Inter n Med 1997;126:36–47. Al so avai l abl e at
http://w w w. acponl i ne. or g/jour nal s/r esour ce/uni f r eqr. htm . Pr esents sty l i sti c r equi r em ents,
i ncl udi ng r ef er ence sty l e, f or the pr epar ati on of m anuscr i pts to be subm i tted to m or e than
300 Engl i shl anguage bi om edi cal jour nal s w or l dw i de. Al so i ncl udes statem ents on pr i or and
dupl i cate publ i cati on, author shi p, and ack now l edgm ents. See al so Bai l ar JC III, Mostel l er F.
Gui del i nes f or stati sti cal r epor ti ng i n ar ti cl es f or m edi cal jour nal s: am pl i f i cati ons and
ex pl anati ons. Ann Inter n Med 1988;108:266–73.
Chapter 10: THE ABSTRACT

U ni f or m Requi r em ents. See Chapter 9.
REACHING THE GOAL: SUGGESTIONS FOR WRITING

Huth EJ. Wr i ti ng and publ i shi ng i n m edi ci ne, 3r d ed. Bal ti m or e: Li ppi ncott, Wi l l i am s & Wi l k i ns,
1998. Tel l s how to w r i te r esear ch paper s, case r epor ts, r ev i ew ar ti cl es, edi tor i al s, book
r ev i ew s, and l etter s to the edi tor , and descr i bes the steps of pr epar i ng and publ i shi ng these
paper s f r om l i ter atur e r ev i ew and pr epar i ng to w r i te thr ough pr oof s and r epr i nts.
P. 432
P. 433
Words Explained in the Text
Abi l i ty, 17
Accuracy, 17
Af f ect, 17
Al ter natel y, 17
Al ter nati vel y, 17
Am ong, 17
Am ount, 18
And
i n the r unni ng ti tl e, 312
i n the ti tl e, 306
Augm ent, 19
Be, 21
Betw een, 18
Br i ef l y, 360
Cal cul ated, 139
Can, 18
Capaci ty, 17
Com par ed to (v er sus “than” f or com par i sons), 41–42
Com pose, 19
Com pr i se, 19
Concentrati on, 18
Concl ude, 272
Consi st of, 19
Constant, 20
Content, 18
Conti nual , 18
Conti nuous, 18
Coul d not (v er sus “ther e w er e no”), 166
Decr eased (to m odi f y quanti tati ve w or ds), 311
Decr eased com par ed to, 42
Deter m i ned, 139
Ef f ect, 17
Enhance, 19
Esti m ated, 139
et al ., 262–263
Ex per i m ent, 140
Fai l ed to (v er sus “di d not”), 166
Found, 177, 272
Gr oup, 140
If so, 116
Im pai r ed, 311
Im pl y, 197
Im pr ove, 19
Im pr oved (to m odi f y qual i tati ve w or ds), 311
Inci dence, 18
Incl ude, 19
Incr ease, 19
Incr eased (to m odi f y quanti tati ve w or ds), 311
Incr eased com par ed to, 42, 166

Indi cate, 177
Inter val , 19
Level , 18, 349
Local i ze, 19
Locate, 19
Mar kedl y, 166
May, 18
Measur ed, 139
Mi l l i m ol al , 20
Mi l l i m ol ar, 20
Mi l l i m ol e, 20
Mucous, 20
Mucus, 20
Occur r ed, 23–24
Opti m al , 20
Opti m um , 20
Param eter, 20
Per i od, 19
Pr eci si on, 17
Pr eval ence, 18
Pr one, 21
Recom m end, 197
Reduced (to m odi f y quanti tati ve w or ds), 311
Repr esent, 21
Repr oduci bi l i ty, 17
Ser i es, 140
Show, 177
Si gni f i cant, 166
Specul ate, 197
Speed, 19
P. 434
Study, 139
Suggest, 197
Supi ne, 21
That (w hen to add to a com par i son), 42–43
The, om i ssi on of
i n the abstract, 273
i n the ti tl e, 308
Thi s, 37
Those (w hen to add to a com par i son), 42–43
Var i abl e, 20–21
Wi th, 346, 349, 351

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FRONT OF BOOK ↑

­ The Goal: Clear Writing

[­] Section I ­ The Building Blocks of Writing

­ Chapter 1 ­ Word Choice

­ Chapter 2 ­ Sentence Structure

­ Chapter 3 ­ Paragraph Structure

[­] Section II ­ The Text of the Biomedical Research Paper

­ Chapter 4 ­ The Introduction

­ Chapter 5 ­ Materials and Methods

[­] Section III ­ Supporting Information

­ Chapter 8 ­ Figures and Tables

[­] Section IV ­ The Overview

­ Chapter 10 ­ The Abstract

­ Chapter 11 ­ The Title

­ Chapter 12 ­ The Big Picture

Essenti al s of Wr i ti ng Bi om edi cal Resear ch Paper s gr ew out of a cour se i n

Fi nal l y, based on w or k done by par ti ci pants i n my w r i ti ng cl asses both at the

pp. 6–7, Ex am pl es 4 to 6 adapted w i th per m i ssi on f r om N Engl J Med

The Goal: Clear Writing

THE PURPOSE OF THIS BOOK

REASONS FOR WRITING CLEARLY

Write Clearly to Ensure That Your Readers

Write Clearly to Clarify Your Own Thinking

Thus, ther e ar e tw o good r easons w hy i t i s desi rabl e to w r i te cl ear l y : f i r st, to

THE SCOPE OF THIS BOOK

THE APPROACH TAKEN IN THIS BOOK

The f i r st secti on of thi s book i s devoted to the bui l di ng bl ock s of w r i ti ng (w or d

A l ot of w r i ti ng pr i nci pl es ar e i ncl uded i n thi s book . A sum m ar y of the

AN OVERVIEW OF THE MAIN PRINCIPLES OF

Ex a mple 1 Intr oducti on

Fi gur e. N o Capti on Avai l abl e.

Methods of Measur em ent

An ex am pl e of a study desi gn subsecti on that has al l thr ee com ponents i s gi ven

Ex a mple 2 Study Desi gn

HInjecti ons w er e separated by r esti ng per i ods of about 30 m i n.

IIncubati on of r i ngs of f etal l am b ductus ar ter i osus i n arachi doni c aci d

Ex a mple 5 Mi ddl e of a Di scussi on

4 We have al so f ound that the durati on of dex am ethasone therapy i s

6 Second, r eti nopathy was f ound i n a ver y hi gh num ber of i nf ants i n al l

Ex a mple 6 Endi ng of a Di scussi on

Ex a mple Questi on–Answ er Mi sm atch

Questi on: We asked w hether l i qui d l eak s di r ectl y f r om edem atous

USING THIS BOOK

When you star t appl y i ng the w r i ti ng pr i nci pl es i n thi s book to your ow n w r i ti ng

Wr i ti ng uses w or ds. Ther e ar e tw o thi ngs you can do w i th w or ds—choose them

The choi ce of w or ds to use i n bi om edi cal r esear ch paper s i s gover ned by a f ew

In the r em ai ni ng pages of thi s chapter, the w or ds i n Exer ci se 1. 2, and al so

In al l the ex am pl es and exer ci ses i n thi s chapter, w e w i l l be l ook i ng at w or ds i n

EXERCISE 1.1: PRINCIPLES OF WORD CHOICE

2. In each of the f our gr oups of ex am pl es, the under l i ned w or ds al l v i ol ate

how m any abbr ev i ati ons shoul d be used i n a paper and

how to deci de w hen to use an abbr ev i ati on.

1. Re na l blood flow w a s dra s tic a lly c ompromis e d w he n the a orta w a s

POIN T: “Com pr om i sed” i s i m pr eci se: w hat happened to r enal bl ood

2. The s hort­c irc uit c urre nt re ma ine d inc re a s e d for s e ve ra l hours .

3. The c ha nge in s hort­c irc uit c urre nt produc e d by 10 ­ 5 M ma jor ba s ic

POIN T: A change coul d be ei ther an i ncr ease or a decr ease. Fr om the

4. The c e lls w e re e x pos e d to lipoprote in­de fic ie nt s e rum for 48 h.

5. Anima ls w e re s tudie d 4–9 w e e k s la te r.

7. De fic its in Dros ophila c onta ining a de le tion of its AP P homologue c a n be

POIN T: “To r escue” m eans to f r ee f r om death or destr ucti on. An

8. Tra ns c ription of the promote r of the c a lc ium­de pe nde nt prote a s e

POIN T: “N egati v el y r egul ated” i s a v ague w ay of ex pr essi ng a concept

10. W e found a line a r inc re a s e in the pe rc e nta ge of e a rly los s of

The Goal: Clear Writing

[] Section I The Building Blocks of Writing

Chapter 1 Word Choice

Chapter 2 Sentence Structure

Chapter 3 Paragraph Structure

[] Section II The Text of the Biomedical Research Paper

Chapter 4 The Introduction

Chapter 5 Materials and Methods

[] Section III Supporting Information

Chapter 8 Figures and Tables

[] Section IV The Overview

Chapter 10 The Abstract

Chapter 11 The Title

Chapter 12 The Big Picture

2. The s hortc irc uit c urre nt re ma ine d inc re a s e d for s e ve ra l hours .

3. The c ha nge in s hortc irc uit c urre nt produc e d by 10 5 M ma jor ba s ic

4. The c e lls w e re e x pos e d to lipoprote inde fic ie nt s e rum for 48 h.

8. Tra ns c ription of the promote r of the c a lc iumde pe nde nt prote a s e

26. W nt inhibits the a c tiva tion of G SK3β through Ds h. This inhibition le a ds

9. Se ve ntyfive pe rc e nt nitrous ox ide (re pre s e nts , is ) a s uba ne s the tic

Consi st of . To be Pr epr ol acti n and oval bum i n consi st of 228 and

Inter v al . The El ectr i cal testi ng was per f or m ed at 5m i n