CHAPTER NINE

SUBMISSION IN MARRIAGE
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husband as unto the lord. For the husband is the head
of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the Saviour of the body. Therefore
as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything”
(Eph. 5:22-25).

BIBLE TEXTS: Rom. 13:1-2; 1 Cor. 11:7-12; Eph. 5:21-28; 1 Tim. 2:11-13; Titus 2:4-5

INTRODUCTION: Submission is the act of accepting another power or authority. It could

sometimes be called obedience or humility. Our God hates disorderliness (1 Cor. 14:40). Hence,
He has put in place order or authority in the universe. Romans 13: 1-2 encourages us to submit to
rules and authorities, for the powers that be are ordained by God. In marriage, there is God’s
instituted order of authority or power which, when violated, usually results in marital
disharmony and unhappiness. Eph. 5:21 enjoins us to submit to one another in the fear of God. In
other words, submission is expected to be mutual between husband and wife.

1. WHY SUBMISSION?
a. There is a universal order of authority in the scripture which could be represented as follows:
God - Christ – Man - woman - children (1 Cor. 11:3).

b. God commands us to be subject to all existing authorities (Rom. 13:1-2; 1 Pet. 2:13-14).

c. God hates disorderliness (1 Cor. 14:40). He equates disobedience to the sins of witchcraft
and idolatry (1 Sam. 15:23).
d. Obedience is more important than all forms of religious observances: sacrifices, offerings,
ceremonies, etc. (1 Sam. 15:22).

e. Submission entails a practical demonstration of the virtue of humility (1 Pet. 5:5, Matt.
23:12).

f. Submission is child-like. (Matt. 18:4).

g. Submission is Christ-like. (Phil. 2:5-8; Heb. 5:8).

2. AUTHORITY OF A HUSBAND
a. The head of a woman is the man, hence the husband is the head of the wife (1 Cor. 11:3; 7-
9).

b. The husband has total authority over the wife in all things (Eph. 5:22-23; 1 Pet. 3: 1).
c. The parents have authority over all the children. (Eph. 6:l-3; Col.3:20)

d. The man has authority over every member of his household. (1 Tim. 3:4, 12)

e. Husbands should exercise this God-given authority in compassion and courteousness, dealing
with their wives and children in honour as joint heirs of the grace of life, so that their prayers
would not be hindered (1 Pet.3:7-11).

f. The man should not abuse the authority by provoking the children (Col. 3 :2 1).

g. The husband should use the authority in presenting his wife and children (plus other
members of his household) to Christ, just as Christ would present a glorious church, not
having spots or wrinkle but holy and without blemish. (Eph. 5:25-28).

h. Christ is the head of the man (1 Cor. 11: 3). The husband must be subject to Christ in all
things. The man is accountable to Christ for his wife and entire household (1 Tim. 2:12-14;
3:4, 12; Eph. 5:25-28; Josh. 24: 15).

3. EXTENT OF WIFELY SUBMISSION (Eph. 5:22-23; 1Pet. 3:1-6)

a. Submission of the wife in marriage is total or absolute.
b. The wife should obey her husband, whether he is a Christian or an unbeliever, spiritually-
minded or carnal (Gen. 12:12-20).
c. The only exemptions are where he demands she sins or carries out ungodly or outrageous
actions etc.
d. It is his position as the head that she should honour, not his personality.
e. Remember, Christ is the head of the man; if you dishonour your head (i.e. husband), you
have dishonoured Christ and God.

4. WHY SOME DO NOT SUBMIT TO THEIR SPOUSES

The answer is basically that of pride. This is manifested in diverse forms:

a. Disparity in Age: Especially if the wife is much older than the husband.
b. Social Status: Acquisition of university degrees, job placements, financial status.
c. Wrong Counsel: From friends and relations (refusal to leave and cleave).
d. Spiritual Unbrokenness: When you are still nurturing your ego.
e. Background Influence: Taking pride in your pedigree.
f. Sophistication: A feeling of being more cultured and refined than your spouse.
g. Wrong Ideas: Example, seeing marriage on an equality basis (50% - 50% contribution).
h. Too much cheating by the husband/ Wife

5. SOME SPECIFIC AREAS OF SUBMISSION IN MARRIAGE

a. Money and finance
b. Professions
c. Children’s discipline
d. Vows and pledges (Num. 30:6-8)
e. Christian calling or Ministry responsibilities
f. Relationship with in-laws
g. Spiritual Responsibility
h. Sex
i. Domestic affairs

6. EXAMPLES OF WOMEN WHO USURPED MEN’S AUTHORITY /

CONSEQUENCES
a. Adam and Eve (eating of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil) (Gen. 3:1-6,9) -
Man,

b. Abraham, Sarah, Hagar and the birth of Ishmael (Gen. 16:1-3,6-9). - Islam.

c. Isaac and Rebecca (Jacob and Esau’s blessing) (Gen. 27: 1-4) - Sword between two brothers.

d. Moses, Zipporah, and the circumcision of his son (Exo. 2:21, 4:24-25) - Denied the privilege
of seeing the power of God.

e. Ahab and Jezebel in Jezreel (1 Kings 16: 30; 31:19:2, 21:1-16)-Wickedness,

f. Women in the church at Corinth (1 Cor. 14:33:37)

g. Women’s renewed rebellion in Israel (Jer. 44:7-11, 15-19).

7. EXAMPLES OF WIVES WHO SUBMITTED IN THE BIBLE/BLESSING
a. Abraham and Sarah
i. Egypt (Gen. 12:10-20) - beginning of Abraham’s wealth.
ii. With Abimelech (Gen. 20:1),

b. Deborah as a judge in Israel (Judges 4:4),

c. Hannah’s vow on Samuel (1 Sam. 1:10-11,21-2; Num. 30:6-8).

d. Timothy, Eunice’ son, was not circumcised probably because the father, being Greek, did not
allow it; yet God honoured her faith (Acts 16:1-3).

e. Elizabeth and Zachariah (Lk. 1: 57-63) - naming ceremony of John the Baptist.

8. WHEN THERE ARE CONFLICTINGAUTHORITIES

Consider the following examples:
a. Sarah and Abraham concerning Ishmael (Gen. 21:9 12),
b. Abigail and Nabal (1 Sam. 25:4-37)
c. Esther and King Ahasuerus (Esther 4: 10 -11, 1 5)

NOTE THE FOLLOWING. (FOR WOMEN):

a. Do not overrun your husband’s decision or challenge it.
b. Prayerfully commit his heart unto the Lord where you need God to change his decision.
c. The more difficult or conflicting the instructions he wants you to obey, the longer you should
be or your knees (interceding) on his behalf.
d. God will honour your attitude of obedience and will intervene so that you suffer no harm.

CONCLUSION
God commands the wife to obey her husband, and He makes no exceptions even in unpleasant
circumstances. But He promises guidance and wisdom to women who seek to obey. He offers
unmeasured grace for whatever trials a woman faces, while He completes the needed work of
conviction in her husband’s heart. He rewards obedience with a usefulness and happiness far
beyond her deepest expectations. However, husbands too should remember that God expects
both partners to submit to each other (Eph. 5:21).

Say Something About It:

1. In which of these areas; love, appreciation, forgiveness and submission do you think you will
require some help?
2. Openly discuss each other’s struggles, and seek clarification and guidance from your
counselors.