“PRE-COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE”

A LECTURE DELIVERED BY PASTOR J.T. OLORUNMOJO AT THE APOSTOLIC

CHURCH NIGERIA, DURING BABOKO AREA WITNESSES’ CONVENTION
HELD AT THE APOSTOLIC CHURCH BABOKO AREA HEADQUARTERS,
ERUDA STREET BABOKO, ILORIN ON SEPTEMBER 9, 2023, BY 4PM

TEXTS:- Luke14:28-30; Pro. 24:22.

“Is there anyone who plans to build a new

house, doesn’t first sit down and figure the cost
so you will know if you can complete it? If you
only get the foundation laid and run out of
money you are going to look pretty foolish.
Everyone passing by will poke fun at you, he
started something he couldn’t finish” (Luke
14:28-30, MSG).

Preamble
Though this text speaks of the cost of following Jesus as his disciple; anyone who will be
his/ her disciple must have to put something into consideration. One has to consider what
he would have to face in following Him. As one cannot escape persecution (suffering)
and the likes, so also, in using this text as the base of this topic under-discussion,
marriage is not a thing one has to jump into without putting some things into
consideration, the aftermath of the marriage. Even before courtship, there are steps to
take, let alone tying the knot (going for marriage proper). Like in the Apostolic Church
Nigeria, which follows the doctrine of the Bible to the letter where divorce is not allowed
at all (Mal.2:16; Gen.2:24), there are things to put into consideration before courtship.

Marriage is not what one dabbles into anyhow; marriage is met for the matured. In the
Apostolic Church, once one enters into a marriage there is no going back, that is why this
statement is sound audibly, “THOSE WHOM GOD JOINED TOGETHER LET NO
MAN PUT ASUNDER”(Mark 10:7-9).

According to Tamzeel Zaman, a marriage counselor, he opines, “A significant turning

point in one’s life is marriage. It is a unique period in one’s life when making
commitment to love and appreciates someone”. But for marriage to succeed and last a
lifetime, a number of issues must be resolved before the couple is married. Even before
courtship, two things are very necessary: prayer and searching, Genesis 24 explained
this, 1-4, 12-27, and in verses 28-49 the servant of Abraham narrates his mission to the

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family where he was brought by the Damsel he met to be the wife to his master’s son, in
verses 50-61, the dowry was paid and the engagement was done and the bride was taken
to her husband. Prayer is a necessity before step is taken for courtship as seen in the
journey of Abraham’s servant, Isa, 43:26; 1:18a corroborate this. And during courtship
the following steps are very necessary:

i. Compatibly. A necessary component of every successful marriage. Couple

must analyze their compatibility before tying the knot i.e, values, beliefs,
interests and objectives (2 Sam. 4:8-10). For example, if one spouse values
honesty and integrity while the other is less concerned, it may lead to conflict.
ii. Communication. Healthy communication equals a happy marriage. Couple
must speak efficiently, freely and honestly with each other no matter where
one stands in marriage. Communication plays an essential role in overcoming
disagreement and misunderstandings and enhancing relationship between
couples. I.e. if one is angry and has a problem, he should express to his /her
spouse so that other partner understands, no matter the difficulties the other
faces (Amos 3:3; Psalm 133:1).
iii. Financial Compatibility. Money is a frequent source of contention in many
relationships. Couples should analyze their financial compatibility before
getting married. This involves talking about debt, saving and spending
patterns. For example if one spouse is a spender while the other is a saver, this
might cause friction.
iv. Family Background. A person's familial background may have a significant
impact on his/her personality, beliefs, and worldview. Understanding each
other's family backgrounds and how they could impact the marriage is essential
before getting married. For instance, there can be a conflict if one partner was
raised in a strict, conservative home while the other was raised in a more
liberal one.
v. Conflict Resolution. There will always be friction in marriages. Couples must
be able to resolve disputes amicably and effectively. It involves listening to
one another's viewpoints, identifying points of agreement, and compromising.
For instance, if one partner wants to live in the city while the other wants to
live in the country, they need to come up with a compromise that benefits both.
vi. Lifestyle. Partners must be compatible in terms of lifestyle choices. This
covers things like hobbies, free time, and socializing. For example, if one
spouse is a party animal while the other prefers to stay home, it might lead to
tension.

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 vii. Shared Goals. Couples must have common objectives and desires for their
future together. This encompasses objectives such as job, family, and personal
development. For example, if one spouse wishes to have children and the other
does not, this can be cause for concern.
viii. Emotional Compatibility. In each marriage, emotional compatibility is vital.
Couples must be able to support each other emotionally in both good and
terrible times. For example, if one spouse is having a tough time, the other
partner should be able to offer emotional support.
ix. Religious Belief. Religion may be an important part of a person's life. Couples
must consider their religious compatibility before marrying. This involves
talking about things like beliefs, traditions, and customs. For example, if one
spouse is very religious while the other is not will always be a source of
contention.
x. Personal growth. Marriage is a process of personal development and progress.
Partners must make a commitment to each other's personal growth and
development. This involves supporting one another to achieve their dreams and
ambitions. For example, if one partner wants to return to school to obtain a
degree, the other partner must agree.

Conclusion
Marriage is a crucial milestone in anyone's life. Couples must examine various variables
before getting married. By carefully examining these variables, couples can boost their
chances of a good and long-lasting marriage. Marriage is collaboration, and both parties
must be dedicated to supporting one other, talking openly, and working together to solve
any issues that may emerge. Marriage can be a beautiful and satisfying adventure with
the appropriate perspective and approach (Gen. 2:24-25; Mk 10:7).