YOU COULD BE GASLIGHTING YOURSELF!

Did you know the term “gaslight” was taken from the 1944 movie “Gaslight,’
which starred Ingrid Bergman and Charles Boyer? In the movie, Ingrid is
intentionally and progressively manipulated by her husband into thinking she is
losing her sanity. Why? Because she inherited priceless jewels from her late aunt,
which Boyer wanted.

The re-emergence of this term in our lives, is due to our focus on violence against
women, and a better understanding of what constitutes abuse. Let’s begin by
understanding what gaslighting is.

So, in simple terms, gaslighting is a type of manipulation, where the manipulator

tries to get an individual or group to question their own reality, perceptions or
judgments. Gaslighting is making someone believe that whatever they are
experiencing, is only in their head and is not happening in reality. More often than
not, the cases of gaslighting are seen in abusive relationships or a relationship
where there usually is a power dynamic.

However, there is also a possibility that you are gaslighting yourself. Having
experienced abusive relationships, eventually, there comes a point where you don’t
need the abuser as you have become one yourself. How? because you have
internalized the behavior. While this may not be the case always, but self-
gaslighting could come from your past experiences of abuse.

Let’s look at some instances of self-gaslighting:

“I am not good at anything I do”

“I’ll never be a successful person”

“I am crazy”

“My problems are not that important”

So, as you can see self-gaslighting is you suppressing your thoughts and emotions.
If you are in a situation where someone has said something hurtful to you, instead
of pausing to think about what just happened, you instantly think to yourself,
“They are right. There is nothing to feel bad about. Let’s not make a big deal out of
it.”

HOW GASLIGHTING HARMS YOU

It goes without saying, that gaslighting takes away your self-esteem and more. It
takes away your ability to understand yourself, your needs, and your desires. It has
you always second-guessing yourself, your memories, and your experiences.
Moreover, possible long-term effects could include anxiety, depression, trauma,
etc.

HOW TO TELL YOU ARE GASLIGHTING YOURSELF

Recognizing this behavior may be difficult as we may consider it normal. But here
are some instances that could help you recognize the behavior.

 You are always questioning yourself:

These questions invalidate your own opinion. These questions don’t
positively facilitate self-reflection; instead they break down your confidence
and make you question rationality.
 You are constantly doubting yourself:
You tell yourself that if you attempt to do something you will simply fail.
 You find ways to blame yourself:
 You try to find reasons to blame yourself.
 You minimize your feelings and thoughts:
You tell yourself that the situation isn’t bad or that it’s just you who are
over-reacting

HOW TO STOP

 Recognize that you have a problem first.

 Try to understand the origin. Where did it come from?
 Recognize whether it’syour opinion or someone else.
 Talk to a professional.

That’s where we, at Connectedminds, come in. Let us help you put a stop to this downward
spiral today.

-Aayushi Bagga

Counseling Psychologist