YEARBOOK

THE ENGINEERING

HYSTERESIS 2008
The Annual Publication of the Adelaide University Engineering Society
 HYSTERESIS 2008

The Adelaide University Engineering Society

would like to present

Hysteresis

Published by Adelaide University Engineering Society

Edited by Yasmin Freschi and Lloyd Moffatt

Published October 2008

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 HYSTERESIS 2008
CONTENTS PAGE:
AUES Loves And Hates……………………………………………………………………………….4
AUES Committee 2008…………………………………………………..……………………………5
Editorials……………………………………………………………………………...…………………6
Prez Sez……………………………………………………………………………...…………………7
VP’s Write-up………………………………………………………………………...…………………8
Treasurer’s Write-up………………………………………………………………...…………………9
Women’s Officers Write-up……………………………………………………………………………9
AUES Events
O’Week………………………………………………………………………...………………10
Pub-crawl……………………………………………………………………………………...12
2nd Term Event………………………………………………………………………………..13
BBQs…………………………………………………………………………………………..14
End Of Exams Party………………………………………………………………………….15
Career’s Night…………………………………………………………………………………16
Election Week & The Party Party Party……………………………………………………17
Vox Pop……………………………………………………………………………..…………………18
Reports From Heads of Schools:
Head Of Chemical Engineering………………………………………….....…………………21
Head Of Civil Engineering…………………………………………………..…………………22
Head Of Electrical Engineering……………………………………………..………………...23
Head Of Mechanical Engineering…………………………………………..………………...24
Head Of Petroleum Engineering………………………………………………………………25
Report From EEESAU……………………………………………………………………………….26
Report From AIAA……………………………………………………………………………………27
Dirty Words In Engineering……………………………………………………….…………………28
Women In Technology Challenge…………………………………………………………………..28
AUES In Numbers………………………………………………………………….………………...29
The Maths Building – Before, Inbetween And After………………………………………………30
New Engineering Degrees – What The?........................................................ ………………...31
The Facebook Group………………………………………………………………………………...31
AMSS Annual Engie Pub-crawl Scavenger Hunt List…………………………..………………..32
Formal Apology Letter To The AMSS……………………………………………………..............33
The Must Do List For Every Engie……………………………………………….…………………34
That Food And Drink Nazi At CATS……………………………………………..…………………36
History-sis – A Blast From The Past…………………………………………………………….….37
Pub Review……………………………………………………………………………………………38
Pictures Of 2008:
Handover BBQ………………………………………………………………………………..40
O’Week………………………………………………………………………………………...42
Pub-crawl……………………………………………………………………………………...44
BBQs…………………………………………………………………………………………..50
Career’s Night…………………………………………………………………………………56
Election Week & The Party Party Party……………………………………………………58
Random Uni Pics……………………………………………………………………………..60
Autographs………………………………………………………………………….…………………62
The Dickhead Of The Year Award………………………………………………………………….63

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 HYSTERESIS 2008
THE AUES LOVES AND HATES
People We Love: People We Hate:
Charlie For getting me (Yas) seriously Charlie For getting me seriously drunk
drunk at handover bbq and then at handover bbq and for all of
again for all of O’Week O’Week

Xan For being so fucking awesome Lloyd For thinking he is so fucking

awesome
Reece & Andy For cooking at our bbqs
Shwatta Worst President Ever
Sandy For DJing at our bbqs
Michael Newman For thinking he has a clue
Lloyd For trying to get more girls on the
committee and actually Foodland For not rocking up with out
succeeding food until 1.30 when we start
bbqs at 12!
Dan the Man For being a male model and
appearing in all the uni publicity. NWC (National Wine For Screwing us over and not
What a dreamboat! Centre) letting us serve our own booze,
hence no cocktail night
Shannon Mason For once again doing such a great
job helping us defame Lloyd For volunteering for the editing
entertainment icons – for doing committee without having read
the shirts the magazine EVER!

Ruth For getting her tits out for the lads Skullbuggery For thinking that they were so
and not getting angry when we awesome and that people
started the RAAC – Ruth’s Ass actually wanted to go to HQ.
Appreciation Club What drugs were they on?

James Lovell For looking like the guy from ‘The Mofazzal For not having a clue about
New Guy’ drilling engineering

Indiana Jones For being this years pub-crawl Lloyd For not doing anything for
theme Hysteresis

Simone and Lara For being more noisy and drunk That CATS Guy For being a food and drink
than I was, and giving me free Nazi while we spent hours
alcohol at that union party this trying to produce this mag for
year our loyal fans

Xkcd comics For giving me a lot of
entertainment while writing this
mag and for allowing us to copy
and paste straight into Hysteresis
More People We Hate:
(sorry ran out of room)
Guy who stole For stealing and losing our
our megaphone megaphone on pub-crawl
Electric Light and For trying to rip us off for Party
Nate Party Party for 200 free drinks we
didn’t drink!
Traditionally, the ‘hate list’ is much longer than the ‘love list’ and this year is no exception.
Once again, this year the AUES made more enemies than friends!
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Med students and For being completely crap and
AMSS not taking the credit for the
treasure hunt list!
School of Petroleum For being the most poorly
Engineering organised department at uni,
for having rubbish courses,
and for employing Mofazzal
NWC For being first class dickheads
and ruining the concept of
Hens and Bucks – hence the
temporary
 HYSTERESIS 2008
THE AUES COMMITTEE 2008

Chris Schwarz Alexander Jenner-O’shea Rebecca Tennant –

(Shwatta) – Prez (Xan) – VP of Activities Kevin Chan – Treasurer
VP of Education

Tom Vincent –
Ex-Prez

Crystal
Forrester
Kristina Noicos Dan Ali
(Tits McGee) –
Women’s Officer
Hantie Barrie (Better)
J James Lovell

Ryan Faulkner
Tim Hickson (Fryzie)
– Secretary Yasmin Freschi
(Bigger)

Alex Egan – IT

Michael
Newman Lloyd Moffatt

AUES 2008 Committee

Honorary Committee Members

From Left and Right and Bottom to Top:

Kailash Thiyagarajah
Vanya Bosiosic
Jeremy ‘Red’ Mellor
Essie Morrison
Charlie Aust
Ruth Tupper

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 HYSTERESIS 2008
EDITORIALS
I’d just like to say a few things and thank the numerous contributors to this
publication. Obviously, if you’ve never written and edited something like this
then you have no idea how much work really goes into it. Because chasing
up articles that people were supposed to submitted two weeks ago and then
writing them yourself is never good for stress levels, but anyway that’s all
the whinging I’m going to do.

The people that need to be thanked for their contribution are Xan for
rounding up the sponsorship that made Hysteresis possible; without that we
could never afford to print this magazine. Also, Chris Schwarz, our current
president, and Tom Vincent, our ex-prez, have put in a lot of time and effort suggesting ideas
and helping by just hanging around and making it seem like it really is worth the effort. The
rest of the AUES committee also deserves a mention not only for their work in producing a
yearbook that will remind you of 2008 at Adelaide University but for working tirelessly to bring
you better and a much broader spectrum of events this year, not to mention getting you drunk
either for free or very cheaply! Also, anyone who put pictures up on facebook, cheers;
because that went a long way to making my job easier. Ha ha, those drunken photos you
didn’t want anyone to see have been printed in the yearbook!

I should probably thank my co-editor Lloyd, but I’m not sure whether he deserves any thanks
because as I write this he hasn’t done ANYTHING, but thanks just in case. Also, thanks to
Xan and Tom for writing Hysteresis last year in 10 days and doing such a fantastic job. The
amount of time and effort was well spent and appreciated; despite the fact that you guys gave
us such high standards to produce for this year! On a more humorous note, last year there
was a terrible picture of Tom Vincent that made him quite notorious within the AUES, so not
to let tradition lapse, check out this year’s picture in the 2008 committee photos, and if you
know Tom at all you would probably say it’s up to his usual standard of tricks.
Yasmin Freschi
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It goes without saying that events such as BBQ’s and pub-crawls take a
lot of time and effort to organise. I feel compelled to write a little tribute
to some of the outgoing committee that have helped shape some of the
fondest memories we have of our time at uni. First and foremost, I
would like to highlight the effort of our outgoing Prez Chris Schwarz
who showed us all that the biggest and bestest club on campus can be
run with minimal time and effort. And to Ryan Faulkner for all his years
of getting proper drunk at all our event and setting an example for the engineers of the future.
On a more personal level, Fryzie showed me that you can put your ‘two cents’ into a
discussion without any intention of following through with any further input or effort. A valuable
lesson for the future...
It goes without saying that we should give it up for Xan O’Shea who has given so little and
taken so much! Jokes aside, Xan has donated copious amounts of time and any chance of
academic success in becoming the AUES mascot and despite never appearing on any open
day posters we can all agree that he is the face of engineering at Adelaide Uni. So thanks
Xan, you’ve left us with some big pants to fill.
Lloyd Moffatt
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 HYSTERESIS 2008
PREZ SEZ
2008 has been another great year for the AUES, achieved
through the synergy created from pro fun engies, crazy ideas
and copious amounts of piss. Large changes to the structure of
the Adelaide University Union in late 2007 severely threatened
our ability to provide on-campus pro fun events. Our ability to
adapt to this changing environment is one of our strongest
assets which are fuelled by a strong and passionate committee.

Monday morning of O’Week saw the AUES committee rock up

early and shrug off our booked spot in the Hughes Plaza and
arrogantly declare a small piece of land just off the Barr Smith
Lawns ours. Armed with the iconic megaphone and Bacardi
the committee achieved signing up a record 600 members and
selling 300 pub-crawl shirts (up yours Sunny). A big thankyou to Xan who, equipped with
the megaphone absolutely demoralised all AMSS, med students and anyone within 20
metres of the SkullDug tent with his witty insults. The conclusion of O’Week saw the
AUES pull together a joint BBQ with the School of Mech for the Design and Build
Competition; this opportunity gave us the ability to strengthen our relationship with the
school and also the chance to fire up our new investment - a $1500 dual tap miracle box.

The pub-crawl was big. Very big. This year’s theme of Indiana Jones and the Temple of
Goon was well received by pub-crawlers especially though a fucking awesome design
from our traditional artist. The introduction of female singlets saw a positive response
from chicks (and blokes); this is definitely something the AUES will continue into future
years. After shirt sales smashed last years records (up yours Sunny) but disappointing
ran out Monday of pub-crawl week, an entrepreneurial AUES rule was founded – “print
enough pub-crawl shirts to never run out!”

An inaugural event for the AUES in 2008 was the Career’s Night. This event provided our
members with the ability to interact with engineering firms on a personal basis, and also
for engineering firms to gain exposure to undergraduate engineers. The mutual benefits
of the event were evident and the successfulness of the night guaranteed the continuation
of this event well into the future.

2008 saw an increased affiliation with Engineers Australia and the Union. Kev became the
first AUES committee member to sit on the YEA (Young Engineers Australia), whilst Xan
was elected onto the student Union Board and Girl Kris was elected onto the Executive
Committee of the Clubs Association. These connections served a variety of important
purposes for the AUES which assisted the Society on numerous fronts.

Well done to the AUES committee in 2008, fortunately 2009 is already looking bigger and
better. Finally, thank you to our members who love to get drunk with us, very cheaply,
very often.
Chris Schwarz
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 HYSTERESIS 2008
VPS WRITE-UP
This has been a big year for AUES education activities with two
new events; the careers night and mock interviews, along with the
traditional statics tutorials and first year engineering barbeque.
The ties established by Chris Schwartz (07 Ed VP) with Engineers
Australia (EA) were strengthened this year, with the AUES holding
a position on the Young Engineers Australia (YEA) SA Committee.
Through this involvement with YEA the AUES was able to secure
financial and administrative support from EA for the careers night
and mock interviews.
The year started off with twice weekly statics tutes. First year
students were able to come along and have their questions about
statics and engineering in general answered in an informal and relaxed atmosphere. Thanks to
Tom, Hantie, Tim & Lloyd for volunteering to help out with the tutes.
The ECMS first year engineering BBQ was held by the AUES in week 6 to coincide with the
universities 'Come Out and Celebrate' week. This BBQ was sponsored by ECMS to provide an
opportunity for first year engies to celebrate making it through their first term of engineering. First
years, already having experienced 1 AUES BBQ turned out in force much to the delight of ECMS
staff and other academics. Engineers Australia sent their team down to sign up student members
and was overwhelmed by the response they received. The left over sausages were donated to
UniBar, helping the celebrations continue long into the night.
The inaugural careers night was the result of the AUES’ involvement with YEA. Noticing a gap in
careers related services offered to engineering students; we decided to fill this gap by offering
careers presentations from companies, a networking opportunity and mock interviews.
Kevin Chan – VP of Education
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Well, it's absolutely fantastic to be writing this report and have Yasmin to take care of the rest of
the magazine. It's a great part of the AUES and I hope it's a good read. Looking back on my
AUES/engineering experience over the past five years, there have been some great times.
'Promoting' the pub-crawl by abusing passers-by, Souveniring (yes I realise that I'm verbing) an
EFTPOS machine, Frenchie and Friezy coming into quiz night with a duck, skipping lectures to
get drunk on the maths lawns (x10ish), general bludging on the steps/lawns/Unibar rather than
doing assignments, handing up assignments which were done in the Unibar the afternoon they
were due, being drunk all O'Week, being drunk the other 31
weeks. These are the moments that make uni worthwhile.
The AUES megaphone has been the most worthwhile
investment ever made by the club and yelling at randoms to
come on the pub-crawl while drunk on the lawns is going to rank
highly for some of my favourite times at uni. Telling a group of
year 5(ish?) girls to come along and if they just slut themselves
up a bit then they'll be fine without ID. Their teacher was not
impressed. The pub crawls will always be some of the greatest
nights of my life (yes, even if you do end up asleep in Hindmarsh square at 7:30pm) and I hope
that everyone who has ever been on an AUES pub-crawl feels the same. The AUES is such a
fantastic part of engineering at Adelaide Uni, and may it live on for many, many years to come.
Peace Out, Xan
Alexander Jenner O’shea – VP of Activities (and awesomeness)

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 HYSTERESIS 2008
TREASURER’S WRITE-UP
I bet many of you are wondering how we manage to have four awesome BBQs a year with all
you can eat and drink, which cost us around $3,000 each! Surely a $5 membership each year
does not cover all the sausages and pints I dink at BBQs? Are we running some sort of tax
scam or just pimping out first years? The truth is neither. We have a few sources of income
and the main one is our pub crawl (the largest in the southern hemisphere). We sold about
1400 shirts this year at $20 each. We buy them at around $10 each so in total we make
$13,000 form the pub-crawl t-shirts.
Other sources of income are sponsorship, renting out the vending machine in CATS and from
union grants. Our sponsorship comes mainly from pub and engineering companies. You may
have noticed a few logos on places such as the back of our pub-crawl t-shirts, membership
cards and the back of this magazine. We are hoping to gain a better relationship with
engineering companies over the next year in order to increase this revenue from about $5000
to much, much more. The vending machine in CATS is rented out for about $2000 and union
grants are about the same amount.
This is the second year that we have used had a long term
deposit of around $10,000 in the bank. This money is just our
float that hangs around year after year until a smart cookie
suggested instead of having it just sit there, why don’t we make
some money from it? A long term deposit seemed the easiest
way to do this and we make about $400 a year, which is not a
lot, but its extra kegs that we can buy for next years BBQs. So
overall we run all our events either at a large loss or at break
even and spend all of our profits on you, our members.
Rebecca Tennant
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

WOMEN’S OFFICERS WRITE-UP

The women’s officer in the AUES is mostly there to reassure the female
engineers that other female engineers actually exist, and I believe that
it brings a certain comfort. Although the year started with a promise that
there would be women-only events to show that the AUES isn’t only
about getting people drunk on cheap beer, unfortunately these events
didn’t come to fruition because the girls in engineering aren’t really
interested in hanging out with other girls in engineering. This is fine,
because there are plenty of guys in engineering that they can hang out
with, and so far I haven’t heard any complaints about that. The
women’s officer’s role generally consists of stopping Xan and Charlie
from offending too many ladies during O’Week and other AUES events
with the megaphone. This situation was typical in 2008, however there
was also newcomer to the megaphone, Lloyd Moffatt, to worry about. Thankfully though, the
year passed without any complaints of sexually inappropriate behaviour (although we’re not
entirely sure this behaviour didn’t occur). Unfortunately the AUES’ one female-specific event,
the Hen’s Night, didn’t occur in 2008 due to difficulties with the National Wine Centre, but
hopefully it will be back and bigger than ever in 2009. Congratulations to Peta Johannsen to
who will take up the coveted role of the Women’s Officer for 2009.
Kristina Noicos

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 HYSTERESIS 2008
AUES EVENTS
O’WEEK:
This year the AUES once again ruled O’Week just being there (and also by doing the Union a
favour by abusing the med students who were trying to peddle their pond scum skullbuggery
tickets.) As usual we set up our tents wherever we felt like it, yelled at a bunch of lost-looking,
confused first years through our megaphone, sell a bunch of memberships which cost $5,
giving you guys four free barbies with all you can eat and drink (of course you all know that
because we’re only going to give copies of our awesome yearbook to those of you who were
cool enough to join up!). We also sold a fair amount of pub-crawl shirts to you devoted pub-
crawlers who were actually
organised enough to get in quick
and get their nice and early.

The AUES publishes a fresher

guide to help those newbies
because starting an engineering
degree can be a daunting
experience, particularly if some loud
abusive jerk with a megaphone
called XAN tells you to skip your
introductory lectures and come get
drunk or “GET YOUR TITS OUT
FOR THE LADS!” So anyway, we
sent a couple of representatives to
talk to the freshers about the social
scene for engies (because as
contrary to what my mum believes,
we engies know how to party, drink anyone else from other degrees under the table and how
to generally have a good time.) We also gave tours showing all the first years the important
places in the uni, basically consisting of CATS and the Unibar.

Throughout O’Week the committee ran and hosted a heap of pretty cool events such as jelly
wrestling; a free bbq; glad wrap races; SA Food eating contest; tug-o-war; Miss and Mr.
fresher; white fear, brown fear, pink fear, and rainbow fear; numerous boat races; a steal
something from the med fucks for a free pub-crawl shirt competition and some other stuff that
I can’t remember thanks to all the Bacardi and coke that the committee purchased for our own
personal consumption, proving that we really are the most pro-fun club on campus.

O’Week was also the time at which fresher Ruth, new to aerospace engineering, became
acquainted Lloyd and Xan and was convinced to become an AUES helper as well as enter
the Miss Fresher pageant. Poor Girl!

The jelly wrestling was crazy successful, despite the jelly being mostly just gross gooey unset
jelly which looked like cordial. The AUES favourite, Alan was defeated by some guy, I can’t
remember his name and don’t really care enough to find out what it is. Alan’s girlfriend flashed
her boobs at various male committee members winning her a free pub-crawl shirt, and a few
pictures of her on the internet somewhere.

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 HYSTERESIS 2008
The SA food eating consisted of eating cold pea soup across a pie and drinking an iced
coffee and was won by our favourite; well one of anyway: honorary engie, Marky Mark. He
then went on afterwards to eat all the leftover stuff before the other contestants even
managed to finish off their allotted portions. Congrats!

The Miss Fresher pageant was a raging success being run by Xan and judged by our
‘favourite’ 1st year mech. eng lecturer, Mr Gareth Bridges. The entries consisted of a couple of
harassed looking freshers, some skanky Asians, one girl who got her first kiss earlier in the
week and Ruth. The girls were asked a series of questions composed by Charlie, Lloyd, Tom,
and Xan, and were then edited by me so that those poor girls were not quite so traumatised.
Unfortunately, I failed in that respect. The questions went something along the lines of “What
is your most public sexual experience?” and “spit or swallow?” I was amazed at some of the
answers that were given; the best (in my opinion) was given by a music student who quoted
“well, there was this one time, at band camp …” It was thoroughly enjoyed by the boys who
wolf-whistled and jeered and yelled a lot of “Tits out for the lads”. They were obliged by Ruth
who took her top off for the audience, winning her the title of Miss Fresher and $200 in gift
vouchers, despite Gareth’s wish to
award the title to the skankiest Asian.

Mr. Fresher was a bit shit. Thanks to a

couple geeky freshers, (Engineers are
nerds not geeks, there’s a difference.
Gosh!!) and some second years that
were frankly a little rubbish. Nick Bartsch
and Hamish I’m looking at you. Let it
never be spoke of again. Milk sculling
was thoroughly entertaining, big up to
Xan and the six litres of strawberry milk
never to be seen again. Prizes again
next year to those who throw up on the
med stall. Pink fear seemed like an
anticlimax as the three fellas had their
arms planted firmly in ice water for
almost an hour. After conceding that
none were going to give in all were
awarded snow ball tickets. Luckily one
of the winners went to hospital when he
did that night after his arm turned black. Word on the street is, three hours later and it would
have had to be amputated!

As occurs every year, the guys abused every skirt that walked by, and even some guys that
walked by. Yet these poor misled souls actually came back, signed up for membership and
bought pub-crawl shirt, resulting in record sales for the AUES once again! I’ll never
understand why abuse actually works, it just does... so get used to it!!

I can’t comment on what happened at skullbuggery because, as committee members, we set

a good example and boycotted the evil med students’ event. We were happy to see that many
of our fellow engies also decided to bail 'cos it was deemed as crap the following week
anyway! It must suck to be a med student.
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 HYSTERESIS 2008
The last event of the week was the design and build barbecue for which the AUES ran the
bar. We ordered two kegs, both of which were tapped immediately, only then to realise that
the some idiot at the Unibar had given us an empty gas cylinder so we couldn’t start pouring
beer and by the time that problem was fixed most of the people were gone. Pretty quickly we
just started giving out the beer for free. I managed to single-handedly get both kegs finished
by pouring beer down all the lecturers’ throats. Thanks to Antoni, Gareth and Colin for putting
in the hard yards. Everyone was very happy and sunburned and then proceeded to the
Unibar in true AUES form, except for Colin who then had to go out to dinner with his wife.
Yas
PUBCRAWL:
This year’s theme was “Indiana Jones and the temple of goon”. Once again, the AUES has
succeeded in defaming another iconic figure. The girls got singlets for the first time ever, (we
support women in engineering) which were not quite the same colour as the luminescent
yellow worn by their male counterparts!

We started off as usual at 5pm in the Unibar officially although a lot of us started earlier, like
11am, not one of our best ideas! The Unibar supplied the pub-crawlers with 1400 free tequila
shots which were distributed sparingly to all
but the committee members who got
exceedingly drunk by about 6.30pm.
Vanya’s efforts of drawing penises on
everyone’s’ arms will not soon be forgotten!
We of course as usual had sculling
competitions for the leaders Guernseys
which were red for the first time since
anyone can remember, not yellow as usual.
These were won by insert names. No
bloody idea!!! Siobhan Giles I think?
We then moved on to various other pubs:
crankers, pj’s, austral, elephant, shotz,
Winston bar, office, griffin’s head,
Richmond, London tav, mansions, and
church. Also the Exeter was visited by a
few pub-crawlers even though it wasn’t on
the list. I’d just like to take this opportunity to say f*** you to St. Paul’s who were dickheads
and after being printed on the shirts decided to try to charge us $4000 to bring our pub-crawl
there. Also, shit by the ballroom for cancelling on the morning of the pub-crawl.

At the Unibar a “med student” (not Lloyd) released an AMSS supported scavenger hunt list
which included items such as beer glasses, bar mats, post boxes, Lovell’s jocks, plates of
food, eftpos machines, and many others (see insert). Needless to say, the engies competed
in true drunken spirit to collect as many of the items listed as possible. I received three or four
picture messages of things people had collected; and found out the following day that four
policemen’s hats were handed in. The picture adjacent is just one of the many of items that
got pinched on pub-crawl! An exceedingly good effort I think. Consequently with all this
stealing going on some things that weren’t on the list were stolen, such as several palm trees;
cough, cough, Todd, cough.

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 HYSTERESIS 2008
I think that the creation and distribution of
this list allowed a few engies to fulfil the
annual pub-crawl pledge which everyone
took at the Unibar which went something
along the lines of: Beer ye, beer ye!
Honourable engies, it is time to commit
yourselves wholeheartedly to this year’s
Indiana Jones pub-crawl by joining with me
in spouting the traditional AUES oath!
Please raise your right hands and repeat
after me.
“I, state your name, do solemnly swear to
uphold the fine traditions of the engie pub-
crawl, to drink as much as I might without
falling down, and should I be caught by the long arm of the law, I will proudly announce at the
top of my lungs “I am an Adelaide Uni Med Student!”

Another thing I’d like to tell all you guys is that

some dickhead stole our megaphone at the
Unibar and then lost it somewhere on the pub-
crawl. Whoever you are, if the AUES had a
dickhead of the year award you would win it
hands down! Thanks to you, we had to purchase
a new megaphone so that we could continue to
abuse people and just generally be the most
obnoxious club on campus.

Our most famous committee member, Xan, went

a little too hard to fast and passed out in
Hindmarsh Square at 7.30 that evening. Staunch
bloke but rubbish effort. If you know him go up
and tell him what a complete piker he is. Poor
effort for his last pub-crawl as an engie
undergrad!

For the first time we finished our pub-crawl at

Electric Light Hotel who decided to sponsor the
AUES this year. Thanks guys, you were totally
awesome. The staff their supplied a barbie for
you hungry engies as well so we would just like to acknowledge them now. This year we sold
a record number of shirts: 1478. Our biggest pub-crawl yet. Thank you to Xan and Kev for
organising yet another fantastic pub-crawl.
Yas
2nd TERM EVENT:
As you all know, the AUES tries to put on an event every term. Well we had planned to do
either a theme or cocktail party; however, the wine-centre is a bunch of dicks and wouldn’t let
us run an event at which we are supplying and serving the food and alcohol. So after the

13
 HYSTERESIS 2008
excessive amount of effort we had already put in by placing an online poll and booking rooms
etc. we unfortunately had to cancel the event. But thanks to you guys who voted in the poll. It
will be a thought of something that we can maybe implement next year. For more information
on the National Wine Centre please refer to our dickhead of the year section.
Yas
BBQ’s:
Let’s face it, The AUES are the
only club on campus who actually
hold decent events; and are very
well known for our bbqs which are
always good fun. First Term barbie
was a huge success with 10 kegs
drank, which was a new record
even for you pisshead engies, (only
to be beaten at the following two
barbies). This is the barbecue
where we introduce drinking to the
freshers, who are thoroughly
inaugurated at the conclusion of
our first AUES event of the year.

Despite the food not rocking up for

ages and not being able to feed the
masses until almost 1.30pm, everyone who was their drank instead and had a great time
anyway. The boys were up their usual tricks; and Lloyd who was desperately trying to pick up
anyone; decided to start the
RAAC or better known as the
“Ruth’s Ass Appreciation
Club”. I later heard that he
woke up on Glenelg beach at
4am the following morning.
Probably what he deserves
after the poor drinking effort
he put in and the rubbish beer
pouring that he did!

A huge thanks to you engies,

who in your drunkenness
decided that destroying plastic
cups into about a million
pieces and spreading them
over the Barr Smith lawns,
was a good idea. You know
who you are! (Just in case you
can’t tell, that was sarcastic. I
mean really, stop punishing
the club that does the most for its members by leaving them with a horrific mess to clean up!
A message from the girl in the short skirt who always ends up doing the clean-up.)

14
 HYSTERESIS 2008
The second term barbie, better known as the trans-Torrens tug bbq was a great success
despite a mediocre turnout; because someone, possibly Ben, (shit bloke), didn’t spam the
members list. The girls
serving the beer, Kristina
and I, just want to say to
the few guys that were
abusing us or whinging
about what sort of beer we
are serving is poor form. I
mean really, we’re giving
you free beer, harden the
f*** up and just drink it you
ungrateful bastards.
The tug was up to it’s the
usual high standard;
mostly because instead of
allowing the rubbish med
students to compete, it
was held between engie
under and post-grads. A reluctant undergrad ended up in
the river because someone decided that it was time for a
swim. Well done whoever you are. Thanks to Vanya and
Charlie who refereed the tug from a ‘borrowed’ paddleboat.
The tug was followed by boat races which the undergrads
were winning quite convincingly until one of them threw up,
meaning that they were disqualified and it was judged by
Xan that the post-grads were more deserving of a victory.
Later on that day there was a reporter and camera crew
doing a report on the binge drinking culture at university. They got an eyeful of Lloyd’s ass
because he (mistakenly) thought it would be funny to give’m the fruit salad. Well maybe a little
funny. And I type this reluctantly because as many of you know, Lloyd and I don’t always get
on that well and I hate to admit that he is right; EVER! An example of the AUES at its best
because the worse they get the funnier they think they are. What is it with male engies and
nudity?!?
Yas
END OF EXAMS PARTY:
I write this article as somewhat of a collage of the stories told to me about this event and my
behaviour at it. Nate, (our favourite bar manager) thought that it would be a good idea to
make this a sports themed party. Needing little excuse to get in the spirit I roll up dressed like
John McEnroe to discover that no-one had dressed up. Despite the cool breeze blowing up
my short shorts I was intoxicated enough that my confidence was brimming. Lochie, my
favourite bar tender ever, was doing shots with me all night and finished his shift curled up
and passed out under the bar. Despite the awkwardness of waking up in a bed other than my
own, the post exams party was, from the little I’ve been told and remember, fucking awesome
and is something I’m looking forward to doing again soon. But not too soon!
Lloyd

15
 HYSTERESIS 2008
CAREER’S NIGHT:
The careers night far exceeded our expectations with over 200 students and 40 industry
representatives in attendance. The night was held in the Eclipse and Equinox function rooms
of and consisted of four 15 minute presentations and two hours of networking. Stuart Wildy,
from the school of Mechanical Engineering, gave the audience an insight into the life of a PhD
student. Steve Mattiazzo (York Civil), Paul Fitzgerald (Worley Parsons), Angela Harvey and
Alan Thomas (both from Connell Wager) introduced the audience to what sort of engineering
their companies did and what their companies looked for in undergraduate/graduate recruits.
Following these four presentations, was the opportunity to network, over drinks and finger
food, with representatives from the following companies: eLabtronics, BAE Systems Australia,
Worley Parsons, Adelaide Brighton Cement, Maunsell AECOM, GPA Engineering, GHD,
ICEWaRM, ElectraNet, Bardavcol, York Civil, Robert Walters, and Connel Wagner
Engineers Australia (as co-hosts) was
also on hand to answer any questions
about professional development,
chartered status or engineering in
general, whilst Stuart and his wife Jade
stayed to enthuse students about
considering further study.
The mock interviews were held two
weeks after the careers night in the
Harry Medlin rooms. These interviews
were intended to give students practice and feedback on their technique before their vacation
work interviews. Lauren Smoker (ASC), Angela Harvey (Connell Wagner), Bob Cooper
(Worley Parsons) and Dr Max Ratcliffe (Strachan and Henshaw Australia) provided 36
students with mock interviews throughout the day. Many students commented on how much
they had learned from the feedback provided and all students left feeling more comfortable
with the interview process. Thanks to
Lauren, Angela, Bob and Max for finding
the time in their busy work schedules to
help out and to Chris for running things
when I couldn’t be there.
Both the careers night and mock interviews
were an overwhelming success for the
AUES, providing invaluable services to our
members and strengthening relationships
with industry. These events will now
surpass the statics tutorials as the
Education VPs primary responsibility.
Next year will be another busy year for the
Education VP with plans to expand the careers night and publish a vacation / graduate job E-
Book for AUES members. Finally I’d like to thank Kirby and Jade at the ECMS office for help
with room bookings and publicity, Sarah Strong-Law at the National Wine Centre Events
office for organising rooms and catering and the 2008 AUES committee for their endless work
in helping make all these events possible.
Kev
16
 HYSTERESIS 2008
ELECTION WEEK AND THE PARTY PARTY PARTY:
Typically, engies don’t vote ‘cos they don’t give a shit. To this I can testify that engineers are
without a doubt the most apathetic
bunch of students on campus. I know
this because I decided that I’d had
enough of the bullshit and thought that I
should run for Union Board so that I
could make a difference and hopefully
make enough changes that the AUES
could continue to run such awesome
events. Basically, I just wanted the free
booze to continue. Really, I was trying
to help you guys and I got told to “fuck
off” by most of you. Everyone else says
“I’ve voted”,”I don’t go to this uni”, or ”I
don’t have my student card” but engies
tell you to fuck off! Well despite you
guys making my job about a million
times harder, I was elected to the board
in the very last position and only made
it in by three votes.

As you can see from the random picture of me on the sack truck, sometimes the AUES just
gets bored and resorts to very random acts to keep themselves entertain. Just don’t even ask!

The AUES ran several bbqs that week to

promote our 3rd term event the PARTY
PARTY PARTY which is a piss-up to
celebrate the end of election week where
you can once again sit on the lawns without
six student pollies trying to harass you and
make you vote. The AUES in traditional
style painted banners advertising their
upcoming events with slogans such as
“The PARTY PARTY doesn’t advertise”,
“The PARTY PARTY putting the laid back
in Adelaide” and “The PARTY PARTY half-
assed banners since 2008” which were
then taken down on Friday and hung up at
Electric Light for the Part-no I won’t say it
again cos I’m sure that you are sick of reading that phrase by now.

The PARTY PARTY PARTY was “organised” by my co-editor Lloyd, who rocked up at Electric
Light 20 minutes past eight in a fairly intoxicated state after telling everyone else to be there
at 7.15 for setup for an 8pm start. Once again fantastic work by Lloyd, who despite not doing
anything was lucky that Pippi Shanks, Vanya and PJ from commerce stepped in and saved
his ass by doing all the work for him. Thanks girls.
Yas
17
 Adam ‘Acey’ Cope
VOX POP HYSTERESIS 2008
1) 7... No! 13... No! What was the question?
1. Favourite number and why? 2) Bragg lecture theatre with more leg room
2. If you had to design something what would it be? 3) Maths IA is heaps easier the third time
3. Best thing I’ve learnt in my degree is... 4) Watching Lloyd, Crowie and Westy get kicked out
4. Favourite engineering moment? of Thermo 1 for teasing Gareth
5) Getting glad wrapped to a light pole on Rundle
5. Favourite pub-crawl story
Street. Who brings glad wrap to a pub-crawl...
Seriously!!
Brenda Chang
1) 5, I’ve always had a thing for that number
2) A ‘Lloydmeister’, wouldn’t that be tasty
3) 90% guys, and being one of the 10% REALLY!
Maybe not...
4) When my friend got asked out in NAPS by a
random guy through a note! How cute!
5) Seeing engie nerds get drunk for the first time!

Nicole Lovibond
1) π... mmm... pie!!
2) Stronger, longer lasting deodorant for all the
smelly boys in my lectures
3) Ummmm.... maths??
4) Meeting my favourite engineering buddy...
Brenda!!
5) I haven’t been on a pub-crawl....

Mark Crowhurst
1) 13- I’m a maverick
2) A condom that doesn’t break, for obvious reasons.
3) “During the next 10 minutes, you may read the paper and
make notes on the scribble paper provided. Please be
advised that no co candidate may leave the examination
room until 40 minutes have elapsed, at 1:30. Your reading
time begins now”
4) Sacarino catching a paper plane we threw at him, mid
sentence.
5) The ATM – Cheers Lloyd
Nick Bartsch
1) 13... my birthday...from all accounts I was a two week
late, new years
2) most useful idea so far is an automatic beer bong from
uni-bar
3) it is socially acceptable amongst engineers to
occasionally drop into the maths drop in centre...
before it was demolished that is
4) realising that one particular engineering lecturer is
much more entertaining when you could see that he
closely resembles a little brown monster off super
Mario
5) 18
ending up in the RAH emergency room before 9pm only
to have it written on my shirt a Tom Sherwin

Ryan Faulkner
1) Nothing, I live on the wild side
2) A beer fridge that tosses beer to
you
3) Uni’s a breeding ground for
hippie art students that suck!
4) Winning the keg stack, breaking
my ribs on the bouncy castle. Or
going in the Torrens with Xan
after losing the tug of war.
5) Well the biggest problem with
pub-crawls is that I can’t
remember any of them
Tom Vincent
HYSTERESIS 2008 1) 96... That’s how I roll
2) An alarm system for the vending
machine for all you bastards that try
to knock free shit out of the vending
machine
3) Lecturers make the worst lecturers
4) Witnessing Xan in his drunken fury
through the megaphone during
o’week... those school girls will
never be the same
5) Ill toss up between calvin’s mid-
root-yak, my mansions rage and
Xan’s snooze in the park at 7pm

Xan O’Shea Boy Chris

1) 50... 51 wasted effort, 49 3) 7, it makes two appearances in
wasted year my date of birth
2) A lift that refuses to take people 4) The wheel
from level two to level one, and 5) How to delegate the job of ‘vox-
a jump to conclusions mat pop’ for Hysteresis to other
3) Learning a subject, from people
scratch, in an open book exam 6) Sitting a maths exam high as a
didn’t hurt anyone, and beer on kite
the lawns, never overrated 7) 2nd year, legless, theft
4) The duck at quiz night, all competition with Xan
nighters in CATS. Redbull,
SAPAC and Youtube
5) Knocking off the eftpos machine Girl Kris
from hungry jacks, smashing 1) 1, everyone wants to be number one
spirit glasses at mansions, and 2) Shut up, I’m enthralled in this game... why
90c beers at church... are those ones shooting???
bulletproof 3) How to pass an exam rather than learn
the subject. It’s really quite sad
4) Getting ‘taught’ by Gareth and Ray Chen
5) Hanging out in the parklands with guys
that stole a bottle of jagermeister

Lloyd Moffatt
1) 66... think about it ; )
2) A car that drives itself. I suspect a little
Japanese guy may have the jump on me
here...
3) Beer, music and people is a bulletproof recipe
for success
4) Watching a vending machine steal Gareth’s
money... and the wrath that followed
5) Watching Xan piss, throw up19 and then pass
out in the same bush... around 730ish
 Luke Betros
1) 7, cos everyone likes it
2) A heated toilet seat
3) How to drink beer
4) Meeting Gareth, He’s a clown that
bloke
5) Can’t remember
HYSTERESIS 2008 Tom Sherwin
1) 6 Just cos.... don’t look at me like that, it
sounds good!
2) New car... I like cars
3) Not to do a PhD
4) Passing VACA... As they say, third times
a charm
5) The bloke that taxed the eftpos
machine from hungry jacks

Red
1) 999, I’m evil when I do handstands
2) A DVD that can hold an infinite amount of porn
3) Can’t think of anything
4) Entertainment at ‘Hen’s and Bucks’ 2
5) Fryzie getting taken home by the police. They found him
and his bike passed out after crashing on War Memorial
Drive

Dahhhhh.....
Daniel Kisgyano whatcha lookin’
1) 21, old football number at me for??
2) A toaster that keeps the toast
warm after it pops. Fuck yeah! Tim Dabrowski
3) That that guy standing behind 1) x, ‘cos it solves everyone’s problems
me is heaps under-rated 2) A cat that acts like a dog. Preferably
4) Being involved with UARC08 one that would bark
(Awwwww...) 3) Yr 12 knowledge and old skool nouse
5) Bohemian Rhapsody Karaoke at will get you through till the end of
PJ’s (They do karaoke on pub- third year
crawls??) 4) When Lloyd tried to hang a boat from
a bridge
5) Don’t do pub-crawls (What a LOSER!!)
Tim Hickson
1) 2- the only even prime number, and titties also come in this quantity
2) Beer dispensing backpack, like a ‘camelpack’ only pressurised and
inconspicuous...
3) Beer is the solution to all mathematical problems (Proof: Bonus
marks from a tutor who mistook beer marks for coffee stains
showing long hours of study)
4) Receiving an “unsatisfactory Academic Progress” letter for passing
only one of the two subject I took that semester
5) Pub-crawls are hard to remember, but I seem to recall someone
20
slipping over in a toilet where the urinal was overflowing with piss
and vomit... that shit was priceless
 HYSTERESIS 2008
HEAD OF CHEMICAL ENGINEERING
Individual staff have maintained existing research programs and/or
developed new ones with other researchers in the University of
Adelaide and with industry, research institutions and universities in
Australia and overseas. For example, Dr. David Lewis and Dr. Peter
Ashman, in collaboration with Professor Michael Borowitzka of
Murdoch University were awarded significant funding from the
Renewable Energy and Distributed Generation Task Force (REDGTF)
of the Asia Pacific Partnership on Clean Development and Climate
(AP6) Program for their project, “A Fully Integrated Process for
Biodiesel Production from Microalgae in Saline Water”. The aim of the
project is to demonstrate the technical and economic feasibility of an
integrated process for the production of microalgal oils that are
suitable as a feedstock for biodiesel production. The project will cover
the whole process of microalgae oil production including species selection, culture system design,
construction and operation, optimal growth conditions and culture management for sustainable high oil
yields, harvesting, media recycle, oil extraction and biomass disposal and/or reuse. It integrates
existing technologies with new advances and developments at all stages of the process.
On 22 February this year the School Seminar Room, N123b was officially named the Robert W F Tait
Room in honour of the late Professor Robert (Bob) Tait (1917–1997) who was Professor of Chemical
Engineering from 1963 until his retirement at the end of 1982. During his tenure he was instrumental
in leading and nurturing the development and growth of chemical engineering at the University of
Adelaide. His widow, Mrs. Norma Tait was a special guest of honour at the naming ceremony.
We continue to attract undergraduate and postgraduate students of exceptional quality and within
each cohort a significant number of females. The number of new students enrolling in Chemical
Engineering degree programs continues to increase and we are very pleased that our new degree
program in Pharmaceutical Engineering that was introduced in 2007 has attracted significant
enrolments. Another new venture is the Chemical Engineering stream in the Sustainable Energy
Engineering degree that commenced just this year. The School continues to put considerable effort
into attracting industry support for student education and activities, including sponsored prizes. For
example, industry partners who have provided new and ongoing support are Santos, Exxon-Mobil,
Origin Energy, BHP-Billiton, OneSteel, Protherics, the Australian Institute of Energy and Campus
Travel.
The annual University of Adelaide Chem-E-Car competition was held this year on 5 September with
Team Fluoro winning and advancing to the Australasian finals in Newcastle, NSW to be held on 1
October during Chemeca 2008, the Australasian Chemical Engineering Conference. Chem-E-Car is a
student competition in which teams of four must design and build a small car (it must fit within a
shoebox) that is powered by a chemical reaction. The car must be able to travel a specified distance
while carrying a specified load of water. The car that finishes closest to the target distance is the
winner. The catch is that the teams find out the distance and load to be carried only 1 hour before the
competition commences. This year the winning car was powered by a home-made lead-acid battery.
Other entries used a galvanic cell and an ethanol fuel cell.
This year the Chemical Engineering Plant Tour for undergraduate students was held from 7–11 July
and included 37 students accompanied by two academic staff, Dr. Yung Ngothai and Dr. Kristen
Bremmell, and the School Business Manager, Mrs. Di Parish. Visits were arranged to Mayne Pharma
Ltd, Nyrstar, Port Augusta Power Station, OneSteel Whyalla Steelworks, BHP-Billiton Olympic Dam,
Santos at Port Bonython, National Foods and finishing at Coopers Brewery Ltd. The students
appreciated observing chemical engineering concepts on a large scale and to meet up with some of
our graduates who are now working with these companies and are very enthusiastic about their jobs.
A BBQ and quiz night were just some of the after hours activities.
Professor Keith King

21
 HYSTERESIS 2008
HEAD OF CIVIL ENGINEERING
The year 2008 has been a period of significant achievements for the School of Civil,
Environmental and Mining Engineering. The school’s staff and students have been
recognized in their fields of excellence by receiving many academic awards. Late last year
Professor Graeme Dandy was elected a Fellow of the Australian Academy of Technological
Sciences and Engineering, placing him among Australia's leaders of technology and
engineering. Professor Dandy was one of 30 new Fellows elected to the Academy, and one
of only three from South Australia. Prof Dandy was honoured for his international
achievements in the development and commercial application of genetic algorithms and AI
techniques in water resources engineering. The Academy's President, Professor Robin
Batterham, said the new Fellows were "joining the ranks of the most eminent scientists,
engineers and technologists in Australia". "Our Fellowship is comprised of world-class
performers and all are acknowledged as leaders in their field," he said.

The Water Down Under Conference, held in April, was very successful, with a large number
of delegates (~450), many of whom commented that this was one of the best organised and best run conferences they
had ever attended. This is primarily due to the hard work and expertise of the organising and technical committees,
including Graeme Dandy as Committee Chair, Trevor Daniell and Martin Lambert as Co-Chairs of the Technical
Program Subcommittee, and Michael Leonard, Alex Osti and Steven Need as members of the Technical Program
Subcommittee. Martin Lambert and Angus Simpson (with Pedro Lee, Dalius Misiunas and John Vitovsky) were
recipients of the G.N. Alexander medal best paper award. This award is well-deserved recognition of Angus and
Martin's groundbreaking work on leak detection using transients, which they have taken from the conceptual stage, to
laboratory trials to contract work with SA Water. Michael Leonard received the award for best presentation by a recent
graduate. This adds to a long list of awards for our postgraduate students, the last of which was the Best Presentation
award Jakin Ravalico received at the Modsim conference in Christchurch last December. Many of our past graduates
were at the conference, one of whom Katherine Daniell, received the award for best poster presentation.

The academic year of 2008 began with the tradition of the Engineering Challenge, a design competition for all the
School's students. The Challenge culminated with a Welcome BBQ followed by the testing session on the Barr Smith
Lawns on Friday 7th March. This year the event involved the construction of a structure, made only of newspaper and
sellotape capable of supporting a 2kg weight. The catch was that all elements of the structure had to fit inside a
standard 5 ream photocopy paper box (a 35cm cube approx.) and be assembled on the day in only 5 minutes. The
event was generously sponsored by Parsons Brinckerhoff who provided cash prizes for the teams based on the final
height of the structure. The winning team, who took away $500, finished with a structure 2.22 metres high. Most teams
worked with a fairly traditional truss type structure but there were some very innovative designs too, showing real
engineering flair.

Ashley Kingsborough, who graduated from the school in 2004, has been awarded a 2008/09 British Chevening
Scholarship. He will undertake a Masters in Science (Environmental Change and Management) at the University of
Oxford beginning in October 2008. Since graduating Ashley has been employed as an environmental engineer in
KBR's Natural Resource Management group in Adelaide, gaining experience in environmental management and
hydrology. In 2006-2007, Ashley completed a 15-month placement with the United Nations Educational, Scientific and
Cultural Organisation (UNESCO) in Hanoi, Vietnam as an Australian Youth Ambassador for Development, where he
managed the cultural heritage component of a feasibility study to upgrade the water system within the Hue World
Heritage Area. In addition, he worked with the Halong Bay Management Board to improve their management capacity
and the Hoi An Centre for Monuments Conservation to improve their disaster preparedness planning. The Chevening
Scholarships programme is funded by the British Foreign and Commonwealth Office (FCO) and administered by the
British Council of Australia.

2008 was a year where the School of Civil, Environmental and Mining Engineering welcomed numerous new staff. Dr
Ki-Bok Min and Associate Professor Hamid Sheikh joined the academic staff whilst Adam Ryntjes, Gary Bowman, Jon
Ayoub and Anita Hannaford joined the laboratory and workshop staff. Recent PhD graduates from the School include
Dr Mark Stephens, Dr Young-il Kim, Dr Matt Gibbs and Dr Raizal Rashid. The School of Civil, Environmental and
Mining Engineering would like to congratulate Holger Maier, the Deputy Head of the School, who last year was
promoted to the academic position of Professor. Thankyou to all the members of the School of Civil, Environmental
and Mining Engineering for making 2008 another successful year. Congratulations to all final year students for
completing your studies we hope to maintain communications with you throughout your professional careers.

Professor Michael Griffith.

22
 HYSTERESIS 2008
HEAD OF ELECTRICAL ENGINEERING
I am grateful for this opportunity to report on what has been a very
dynamic year in the School of Electrical and Electronic Engineering.
From an undergraduate perspective, the most significant change was
the introduction of our new Level 1 courses, Electrical and Electronic
Engineering 1A and 1B. This the first stage of the introduction of new
curricula, based solely on 3 unit courses. We will be introducing new
level 2 courses next year.
Another major development in the undergraduate curriculum has been
the introduction this year of two new degrees, in Sustainable Energy
and Avionics and Electronic Systems. The Sustainable Energy degree
is a joint program taught by Chemical Engineering, Mechanical
Engineering and this School. It provides a broad coverage of the
increasingly important sustainable energy technologies, with
opportunities to specialise in Electrical, Mechanical or Chemical
streams. The Avionics and Electronic Systems degree covers a range of electronic technologies
relevant to communications, sensors, control and embedded computing, with a major focus on the
engineering and integration of complex electronic systems.
In connection with the Avionics degree I’m pleased to report that this year the University signed an
agreement with Qantas Engineering for collaboration on engineering teaching and research. Under
this agreement Qantas will provide advice on curriculum content of the Avionics degree and other
relevant degrees offered by the Faculty, as well as guest lectures in some courses. We are
discussing with Qantas other forms of engagement with the Faculty and its students.
In terms of research the School continues to be successful, with high rates of publication and grant
success. This year our staff have been successful in winning grants from the Premier’s Science and
Research Fund and the Australian Research Council and in obtaining funding from the Department of
Defence’s Concept Technology Demonstrator program, though collaboration with industry. At the end
of last year we saw a record 12 candidates graduate from this School with PhD’s and this year looks
like being nearly as successful. This is a reflection not only of several years of very hard work by the
graduates but also of the strong research groups within the School. In line with the University’s
Strategic Plan and the Faculty’s Research Strategy we continue to build upon our research groups
and focus in the areas of Power Engineering and Sensors and Signal Processing, in which we have
world-leading expertise.
By way of staff achievements I am pleased to report that Dr Tamath Rainsford recently won the SA
Young Tall Poppy of the Year award, in recognition of her research in electromagnetics and
biomedical engineering. This adds to her earlier recent achievements in winning the Faculty,
Executive Dean’s and University Stephen Cole prizes for excellence in teaching in 2007.
Congratulations Tamath.
I’m also happy to welcome two new members of staff to the School this year. Associate Professor
Christophe Fumeaux is an electromagnetics expert who joins us from ETH, the Swiss Federal Institute
of Technology in Zurich. Mr Michael Teague has joined as a Technical Assistant in the Workshop.
We are very pleased to have both Christophe and Michael join the School.
There are many ongoing developments within the School, University and Faculty and they all point to
busy and exciting times ahead. As the end of the year draws into sight I would like to thank everyone
associated with the School – students, staff and colleagues around the University – for their hard work
and support during the year. I would also like to congratulate those of you who will be graduating at
the end of this year and offer my best wishes for your professional careers.
Associate Professor Michael Liebelt
23
 HYSTERESIS 2008
HEAD OF MECHANICAL ENGINEERING
This past year has been one of immense growth and continued excellence in
research and teaching for the School of Mechanical Engineering. We saw the
introduction of two new programs, Sustainable Energy Engineering and Sports
Engineering in 2008. Our school has 960 students and employs 25 academic staff
and 15 general staff members. Our research activities have also increased, covering
wider areas of interest.

The School has secured new staff appointments of senior and junior academics all
of whom have varied interests and specialist areas of expertise. Professor John
Cheung, who joined our school in February, will head the Wind activities in our
School. Dr Gerald Schneider retired early this year from his position. Dr Schneider
helped establish the Aerospace program in our School and has contributed a great
deal to this and other programs over the years. Dr Schneider will be missed by our
staff and students and we wish him all the best in his retirement. Dr Vincent Wheatley is our new Aerospace
lecturer. Assoc Prof Franz (Tino) Fuss was appointed to our School to lead the Sports Engineering program.
Assoc Prof Farid Christo also joined our staff from DSTO in April of this year.

In other news, Prof Colin Hansen was appointed Head of School for an additional two years, extending his
tenure until December 2009. Prof. Hansen is currently in New Zealand where he is on sabbatical. He returns to
the School as Head in February 2009. We would like to congratulate Dr Tien-Fu Lu and Dr Con Doolan who
where promoted to Senior Lecturer early in 2008.

Since our last Hysteresis report we’ve had the 2007 Final Year Project Exhibition which was held on Friday,
th
October 26 . The exhibition was a big success! The 42 projects were judged by the School’s academic staff and
18 voluntary industry representatives. A record number of general members of the public attend, including many
high school students, friends and family of the students, and important figures in industry and from within the
university. A total of 15 awards were supported by Industry and were to the value of $500 - $1000. The Final
Year Project Exhibition in 2008 looks to be even bigger and better than the last one. It’s grown from strength to
strength over the years, so much so that we’ve had to move it off campus. It will be held at Adelaide
th
Showgrounds in Ridley Centre on Friday, October 24 . With 44 interesting and varied projects on display and 25
judges it should make for a full and exciting day!

The annual Design and Build competition is a great way for new students to integrate with existing students and
familiarise themselves with basic concepts in Engineering. This year students designed and built autonomous
robots capable of collecting a golf ball and transporting it through an obstacle course. First prize was awarded to
Team Kamelion ($750) and Second Prize awarded to Team Brassneck. There was also a Best Engineered Prize
for $250 won by Team Max404, a Best Report Prize of $250 won by Team R2D2 and the Best Referenced Prize
of $50 won by Team Kryten.

This competition is for teams of second-year Mechanical-Engineering students from Universities in Australia and
New Zealand. A local competition is organised on a University campus and winners attend a final competition in
Sydney. This year’s task was to provide a single, all terrain, autonomous device to deal with rapid transportation
and accurate deployment of a relief payload. The project was called ‘READY’ – Responsible Emergency Aid for
Disaster, Year-round. This year’s competition was an especially successful event with many interesting, high
quality devices achieving high scores. The members of the winning team; Bryn Crawford, Shane Fitzgerald,
Tristan Goss and Eric Parsonage, produced a high quality, reliable device using positioning feedback system
which enabled their device to achieve consistently high scores. Based on available results from other
Universities our team has a realistic chance of winning a prize in the Sydney finals at the end of September
2008.

We would like to congratulate the 110 students who were presented with prizes at our Annual Awards Dinner on
th
December 18 , 2007 at the Strathmore Hotel. The sold out dinner was a huge success and for many was a
celebration to commemorate the completion of their studies with Mechanical Engineering. This year, our Awards
th
Dinner is being held at the Stamford Plaza on Thursday 11 December. We would like to encourage all of our
students to attend to help us celebrate the achievements of our award winners throughout 2008 and to
commemorate the end of another successful year of study with the School of Mechanical Engineering.
Associate Professor Bassam Dally

24
 HYSTERESIS 2008
HEAD OF AUSTRALIAN SCHOOL OF PETROLEUM ENGINEERING
The last year has been an exciting period for the Australian School of
Petroleum, with much growth and achievement for both staff and students.

We have seen the arrival of several new teaching and research staff to ASP.
On the research side we welcomed Dr Kathryn Amos, Dr Simon Holford, Dr
Rachel Nanson, Dr Mark Bunch, Dr Sandrine Vidal-Gilbert, Dr Saju
Menacherry and Dr Themis Carageorgos. In early 2008, we welcomed two
new Petroleum Engineering teaching and research staff Prof Pavel
Bedrikovetsky and Dr Motiur Rahman.

Our academic staff has continued to engage in significant and high quality research projects. Assoc
Prof Bruce Ainsworth and Dr Boyan Vakarelov are two of the principle investigators in the WAVE
Consortium which focuses on reservoir heterogeneities in mixed process (wave/fluvial/tidal) sand-
bodies.

The ASP Seminar Series has flourished with a diverse and interesting range of presentations from
staff, students and guest speakers. The fortnightly Seminar Series which runs on alternate Thursday
lunch times has been further enhanced with the recent introduction of monthly social seminar events
on Friday afternoons.

In 2008 ASP has experienced improved success with the mentoring program for engineering students.
Early in Semester 1, mentors held introductory meetings for 1st and 2nd year students in conjunction
with Petroleum courses. Mentors have continued to meet informally with students throughout the
year, including some off-campus meetings at industry functions.

To enhance the learning experience of our undergraduates we took our 1st year class on a weekend
field camp to the Fleurieu Peninsula in May. The trip achieved both its goals of helping the geological
education of our petroleum engineers and the equally important goal of building ASP camaraderie.

The last 12 months has seen numerous prizes and awards presented to a range of students and staff.
Final year student, Chris Treziak, has been awarded the 2008 JF Kennedy Memorial Petroleum
Engineering Entrepreneurial Scholarship of $20,000 and field work with Extreme Machining Australia;
for demonstrating entrepreneurship, community involvement, innovation and academic merit.

In August 2008, Prof Hemanta Sarma was one of eight staff from the University of Adelaide to be
recognised as among the best educators in Australia and he received an Australian Learning and
Teaching Council Citations award for excellence in teaching and learning, worth $10,000 each.
Hemanta’s award acknowledges his work ‘initiating students into the profession of Petroleum
Engineering while interacting with them to secure their welfare as individuals and success as
scholars.’

Congratulations to final year student Siti Zulkipli, who was selected to participate in the International
Petroleum Technology Conference (IPTC) to be held in Kuala Lumpar in December 2008. Siti is
among 50 students selected from universities worldwide who will attend the conference and exhibition.

In 2007 ASP had 43 graduating students: 16 with combined degrees, 11 in our Masters of Petroleum
Engineering program, 6 in other Masters programs, 6 in our Honours Petroleum Geoscience program
and 4 PhD students. We are pleased to report that our graduate employment rate remains at almost
100%, with most of our 2008 graduate class already securing positions in companies both locally and
globally.
Professor Richard Hillis

25
 HYSTERESIS 2008
REPORT FROM EEESAU
EEESAU – Electrical and Electronic Engineering Society of Adelaide University – is the IEEE student
branch at the University of Adelaide. The Committee represents a wide cross-section of the people in
the School of Electrical and Electronic Engineering: postgraduate students, undergraduate students,
and staff. We cater to both the social and academic aspects of the EEE experience.
Most undergraduate students would know us from the beginning of their academic career as the seller
of EEE course notes. Following much collaboration with the EEE staff, we managed to provide notes
from a wide variety of courses for both semesters this year. Once again, the turnout this year was
most pleasing, if not overwhelming at times. It must be said that we made improvements to our
database that led to a more efficient sale in the second semester.
In first semester, we ran two short courses for final year project students. The first was on Seminar
Presentation Skills and we developed it in conjunction with the Centre for Learning and Professional
Development here at the University of Adelaide. The other was a course on LaTeX, a document
processing language that is similar in concept to HTML and is what the Maths departments use to
create their equations.
Also during the first semester, we organised the School of
EEE Research Expo which carried the basic aim of letting
everyone know what sort of research the postgraduates
and the EEE lecturers get up to. It featured seminars and
poster sessions, a lunch, and a cocktail party at the end.
Now with three years of experience, there were fewer
organisational issues and more awareness. As a result,
there was a healthy attendance at all of the sessions and
events. Encouraged, we have plans for another Expo next
year, so stay tuned!
Of course, what would a student club be if there were no social events? Eschewing the endless mess
of a barbecue, we made the decision last year to serve pizza instead. However, despite our planning,
the 2008 semester one pizza lunch was still one to
remember. There was the unexpected decision from
the Faculty to review its alcohol policy. There was
also the sudden move indoors because of the
unseasonably cold and wet weather. Even so, it was
quite pleasant and much more convenient indoors,
and we managed to attract a large number of
attendees. We held the second semester pizza
lunch indoors with similar success.

This year, in an effort to invigorate interest and

involvement, the Clubs Association organised the
UniBar Clubs Cup, which is a series of competitions
that determines an overall winner. Although we congratulate all EEESAU members who represented
us in the competitions, we must say a big thank you to those who brought us to victory in the Bungee
Run!

It has been a wonderful year and a pleasure to be the EEESAU President for
2008. Many thanks go to everyone who came and supported our events. I
also thank all of the EEESAU Committee members for their efforts
throughout the year. I wish the 2009 Committee all the best success.
Zhining Lim, 2008 President

26
 HYSTERESIS 2008
REPORT FROM AIAA

American Institute of The University of Adelaide

AEROSPACE CAREERS EVENING 2008

The Aerospace Careers Evening run by the Student Branch of American Institute of
Aeronautics and Astronautics (AIAA) has been developed to educate students on the
opportunities available to them once they have graduated and are working in the
aerospace/defence industry in South Australia. It is one of the best opportunities on campus
for students enrolled in a mechanically based to degree to gain advice on future opportunities.
This year the Careers Evening followed a slightly different format with doors opening at
5.30pm to allow extra time for students to chat with industry representatives. Over twenty
aerospace professional representing eight different companies were present. The focus of
the evening was the three presentations. Brad Gibson from The University of Adelaide
spoke about “The Post Graduate experience”, Dustin Edwards and Lucas Martin from
Australian Aerospace spoke about “Starting in the Workforce” and Stephen Camporeale from
Nova Defence – “Engineering and where it can take you”. All speakers gave great
presentations and students were most appreciative of their advice. After the last presentation
free pizza and soft drinks were provided for all members. Students were encouraged to stay
and speak with the industry representatives.

The evening was a terrific success with over 130 students attending. The committee received
many positive comments, such as “impeccable organisation”, “intense student interaction”
and “the ability to really see what the industry is all about and can offer” from students and
professionals alike. The committee would like to thank the Department of Mechanical
Engineering for their financial support of the careers night. For more information about the
activities of student branch of AIAA at the University of Adelaide please email
aiaa_exec@mecheng.adelaide.edu.au

Kevin Chan

27
 HYSTERESIS 2008
DIRTY WORDS IN ENGINEERING
• Jacked pile
• Snug tight nut condition
• Pumping head
• Increased rate-of-penetration
• Double Radius flaps
• Increased shaft work
• Burst pressure
• Shaft friction
• Complete penetration butt weld
• Spurt length - about 8 inches
• We are able to drill in any direction
• High bottom-hole pressure
• Lubrication assists the penetration of
the drill pipe into the unconsolidated
formation!
• Anyone game for contaminating virgin
reservoirs?
• Plot me a graph of impact force
against annular fluid velocity
• We use logging to work out where your
fluids are
Hey just check out this whole page I nearly wet myself
http://medias.ina.de/medias/en!hp.tg.cat/tg_lfr*LHQ37680414062500JXP
• Screwed pile
• Incomplete penetration butt weld
• Double skinned thickened column
• Diamond-hard drill bits
• Funnel type lubrication nipple
• My jet impact force is greater than
yours
• FAG - Central lubrication adapter fro
stud type track rollers
• Member (Can be braced or unbraced
as well as subject to bending,
compression or tension forces)
• The relubrication interval can only be
determined precisely by means of
tests carried out under the relevant
operating conditions.
• Relubrication quantities for a flowable
grease central lubrication system and
its conversion to the number of
relubrication impulses for generally
available metering nipple sizes.

WOMEN IN TECHNOLOGY CHALLENGE

The woman in technology challenge was held on the 15th and 16th of July 2008. This
programme was created to encourage more females to undertake degrees in engineering,
mathematics and science. It demonstrates what engineers do and the variety of work they
can become involved in, especially now that there are so many different engineering
disciplines offered at University. Girls in years 10, 11 and 12 from various schools around the
sate were showed around the university where they attended various workshops.
These included tours of the mechanical Labs (I don’t think the Holden Labs has ever seen so
many females before), petroleum building, CATS, and a session in which there was an
attempt at making maths exciting and interesting (I thought it failed miserably, but the girls
loved it!). The activities included making an electric motor and silly putty. The best session by
far was by computer science where the girls played with animation programs. I think this is
required as out of all the faculties, computer science needs to encourage females to enrol;
and several of the males need lessons in what a female is and how to talk to one.
Over all, the event was well run and the girls enjoyed themselves, which was demonstrated in
the glowing surveys that they returned. I hope at least a few of them will come back and study
at Adelaide in order to increase the female to male ratio as I am sure the guys would love
more girls and so would us females. I just wish that something similar was run when I was at
school as even half way through year 12 I didn’t know what an engineer was and I had no
idea of the diversity of jobs that they are involved in.
Rebecca Tennant

28
 HYSTERESIS 2008
AUES IN NUMBERS
This page is traditionally a quick commentary on the AUES in 2008. It usually describes how
much beer we drank, how many pub-crawl shirts we sold and anything else that we can put a
number to. And this year it is no different!

42 kegs

4 Fantastic BBQs

728 Members
of the AUES

2465 litres of
FREE beer
1478 Pub-crawl shirts

Over 1500 people in

14 pubs wearing bright
yellow
29
 HYSTERESIS 2008
THE MATHS BUILDING – BEFORE, INBETWEEN & AFTER
As most engies will know; as doubtless you would
have been inconvenienced by it; the former maths
building, (quite old and shitty) was knocked down
to make way for a newer and bigger maths
building. The construction was started in early
December 2007 and even now as I write this, all
that is there now is a huge hole in the ground that
as the months go on just continues to get bigger
and bigger, with no notable progress occurring.

The maths staff was obviously misplaced

and have been relegated to 10 Pultney
Street across the road until the new building
is completed, showing their relative
unimportance to the faculty and the
university in general.
We don’t know when they plan on
completing this project, but it probably won’t
occur until after anyone who can remember the old
maths building has completed their degrees! The
predicted completion date is 2010 sometime. We find it
difficult to believe that such a large project can be
completed in the remaining one and a half years of
allotted time when the foundation required for such a
feat of engineering has only just been started. The new
building is expected to cost approximately $100million,
What we’re expecting the new maths so if multiplied by three and then squared, it might be
building to look like since they asked the close to what this project will actually cost! The
civil engineering students to design it! government has generously donated $4million to this
project in its efforts to try and keep its election
promises along the lines off doing good for education – thank you Kevin Rudd for your
outstanding contribution to this project – cos picking up 4% of the expected total cost is an
effort to be commended.
This new facility is a great development for the Faculty of Engineering, Computer &
Mathematical Sciences, which will now have an additional 14,000
square metres of building. Don’t ask me why this is important,
because I just copied this figure straight off the uni construction
website. I wonder what they will decide to do with all this new
space. It seems like such a perfect place to hold commerce
classes!
If you want to know more about the new maths building, visit these links: An artist’s impression of
• http://www.adelaide.edu.au/space/emcs/construction/ the new maths building
• http://youtube.com/watch?v=91mYAvnE35U

30
 HYSTERESIS 2008
NEW ENGINEERING DEGREES – WHAT THE?
This year several new (and only slightly bullshit) engineering degrees were added to the
courses already offered at by the Engineering, Mathematical, and Computer Sciences Faculty
of Adelaide uni and they are:

Bachelor of Engineering (Mining) B.E(Mine)

Bachelor of Engineering (Pharmaceutical) B.E(Pharm)
Bachelor of Engineering (Software Engineering) B.E(SoftE)
Bachelor of Engineering (Telecommunications) B.E(T)
Bachelor of Engineering in Architectural Engineering B.E(ArEng)
Bachelor of Engineering in Computational Engineering B.Eng(CE)
Bachelor of Engineering in Sports Engineering B.E(SpEng)
Bachelor of Engineering in Sustainable Energy Engineering BE(SustEE)

Some of these degrees are a bit ‘WHAT THE?’ I mean really sports engineering. Okay you
can design my new sneakers. Have fun with that! What a faggy degree! All you sports
engineers, you’re even less engineers than us chemicals and even worse those software
engies. But enjoy, nonetheless.

On a more serious note, we would like to congratulate the faculty on the initiation of these
new types of engineering, and welcome all those students undertaking these degrees to
EMCS.

THE FACEBOOK GROUP

For the first time ever the AUES even has its own facebook group so all of you members who
ignore emails that get sent to your uni accounts can no longer claim ignorance of our events
because we now also spam the facebook group. For those of you who would like to join just
search the Adelaide University Engineering Society and hit the join group button. It’s all very
simple.

For us, this is a big deal otherwise I wouldn’t be blabbing on about in the yearbook, but it is
representative of the AUES moving into the 21st century and embracing technology. I mean
really the AUES only got its on laptop this year, so you could probably quite correctly state
that we may be lagging a little behind in the technology department but not anymore.

I’d just like to thank all of you wonderful facebook users who have put up multitudes of
pictures of pub-crawl and our barbies because it helps a poor unfortunate soul (myself) many
hours of pain by supplying me with an easy source of copy and paste pictures of so many
people who would otherwise have never made it into our magazine otherwise. Thanks!

Currently, our facebook group has 278 members and there are 129 very interesting photos
also posted, so check it out. The many benefits of joining include event invitations and
reminders to all our events, keeping in contact with other members and of course seeing all
your friends at their very worst to say the very least.
Yas

31
 HYSTERESIS 2008

AMSS ANNUAL ENGIE PUB-

PUB-CRAWL
SCAVENGER HUNT LIST
Points will be awarded for collecting the following items and bringing them to
Electric Light at the end of the night. The winning team will be awarded $500!!

RULES:
• Teams may have a maximum of five members
• Nothing is to be stolen from UNIBAR or on campus
• Keep in mind your actions reflect on the university so be discrete when
stealing property

SCORING SYSTEM:
BEER GLASS (5 POINTS)
BAR MAT
CONSTRUCTION PARAPHERNALIA (15 POINTS)
STREET SIGNS
FIRE EXTINGUISHER
TABLES
BAR TAP
HUNGRY JACKS CAP (30 POINTS)
EFTPOS MACHINE
SECURITY GUARDS ID BADGE
AUSTRALIA POST BOX (100 POINTS)
COPS HAT
HOT WATER HEATER
JAMES LOVELL’S OR CHRIS SCHWARZ’S JOCKS
ATM
CATS COMPUTER

32
 HYSTERESIS 2008
FORMAL APOLOGY LETTER TO THE AMSS

33
 HYSTERESIS 2008
THE MUST DO LIST FOR EVERY ENGIE
1. Hook up with Ruth if you’re a guy or Lloyd if you’re a girl and then go to the STD clinic
2. Get drunk at an AUES bbq
3. Go on Engie pub-crawl with a shirt
4. Know people on the committee so you can push in the beer line
5. Win dickhead of the year once
6. Participate in white fear and be stripped of the title of winner ‘cos you chucked gross
white milky vomit everywhere
7. Fall in the Torrens at the tug-o-war Engie bbq and live to tell the tale
8. Give Gareth Bridges a terrible SELT because he sexually harassed you
9. Attend a random lecture in Union Hall just so you can get kicked out
10. Have sex in the Barr Smith Library or ‘cos your doing engineering and may not be able
to get any, just tell everyone that you had sex in the library
11. Run for some sort of position in a club and actually get elected
12. Steal something whilst on pub-crawl – eftpos machines, cops hats, bottles of booze
and palm trees have already been done, so be original and think of something else
13. Do something offensive enough that you need to write an official apology letter – just
email Charlie Aust because he has a heap on file that you just fill in
14. Spend an all-nighter in CATS
15. Fail something really easy because you got drunk the night before
16. Attend a theme party at the Unibar, where you actually dress to the theme
17. Win a boat race against another engie, ‘cos we all know that no-one else really knows
how to drink
18. Get ID at the Unibar even though you are 21
19. Run up the down escalator just ‘cos you’re too old to be doing it (see graph below)

34
 HYSTERESIS 2008
20. Get your logon account frozen ‘cos you
got caught eating or drinking by that Nazi
up at CATS
21. Run up the stairs really fast while your
friends are in the lift and press the button
at every floor just to piss them off
because they were too lazy to take the
stairs and then try your best not to huff
and puff whilst you stand at the lift exit
and when the doors open say “fuck you
guys took ages!”
22. Get naked in public ‘cos you’re really
drunk and someone (probably a friend)
convinces you that it will be funny
23. Deface some uni property and then tell
everyone about it so that when property
services start an enquiry someone who
doesn’t like you rats you out
24. Hook up with someone in your year in
your course so that forever after its
always awkward for both of you to make
eye-contact
25. Make out in an elevator – a suggested lift
would be in the one which takes you up
from the ICC because its that slow you
could have some quality time together –
do not stop when the door opens
26. Purposely avoid student pollies in
election week not that you guys need
any advice on this one, ‘cos you guys
have it down pat!
27. Win the Leader’s Guernsey on Engie
Pub-crawl
28. Leave an exam within the first 10
minutes ‘cos you don’t have a clue, then
sit a supp.
29. Skip a lecture so you can go to engie
bbq – you know that it will be worth it
30. Win a keg toss at an engie bbq – its
much harder than it looks
31. Don’t bother doing an assignment
because you can copy it off someone
else – its called collaborative learning not
collusion
32. Skip lectures because they are before
noon, then come into uni and go straight
to the bar
Getting an Engineering Degree is Optional! Yas

35
 HYSTERESIS 2008
THAT FOOD AND DRINK NAZI AT CATS

As most of you who have ever

been to CATS know; and if you’re
even cool enough to be reading
this mag, undoubtedly you have;
then you know that there is this
absolute pain in the ass we call the
Nazi us here who goes mental at
you if you have an unopened mars
bar on your desk (speaking from
personal experience here) or maybe a
drink bottle with the lid firmly fastened.
Shit bloke. I mean really come on,
especially when there is such damning
evidence against him to say that he is a
hypocrite and breaking his own rules.

Especially when they’ve gone to the effort

to stick paper signs telling us off for
committing such a heinous offence or risk
having our university accounts locked! So
is the coke on the desk really so bad? We
think not! I’m reminiscing on the good old
days, when we wouldn't get banned for
drinking a coke while doing our work. Not
that many computers got wrecked so let
me drink my coke god damn it!

As they say, pictures speak a thousand

words and this one below can show better
than anything I can say that maybe water
on you desk isn’t such a terrible thing to
do after all – I mean if the Nazi is doing it
you can too!

CATS IS NOT AS IT SHOULD BE, WITH

OPTIMAL WORKING CONDITIONS: COMPUTER, CHAIR AND COKE! Yas
36
 HYSTERESIS 2008
HISTORY-SIS – A BLAST FROM THE PAST
Every year we like to include a few excerpts from previous editions of the Hysteresis
magazine. We use ‘A Blast From The Past’ to show that engies haven’t changed in all the
years that Hysteresis has been produced. They still enjoy that some blokey humour that
drives us girls nuts and have the social age of eleven-year-olds. Oh well, what can you do?
And even back then, they still ripped off random comics to fill spaces, so all that has really
changed is that now we write this on computer, rather than on typewriters. That would have
been a bitch of a job. Thank god for computers even though most of the time mine doesn’t
even work; especially when my sister borrows it – then everything really goes to hell!

From the 1967 edition of Hysteresis:

The Afluence Of Incohol
I had 18 bottles of whisky in my cellar, and was told by my wife to empty the contents of each
and every bottle down the sink…OR ELSE!!!
I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task. I withdrew the cork from the first bottle
and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass which I drank. I
extracted the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with the exception of one glass
which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the contents down the
sink which I drank. I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it. I
pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle. Then I corked the
sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour. When I had everything emptied, I
steadied the house with one hand, counted the glasses, corks, bottles and sinks with the
other, which were 29. Then as the house came by I counted them again and finally had all the
houses in the bottle which I drank.
I am not under the afluence of incohol as some thinkle peep I am. I’m not half as thunk as you
might drink. I fool so feelish I don’t know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I
get.
The Clean Song
There once was a farmer who stood on a rick
Shouting and yelling and waving his –
Fist at the sailors who stood on a rock
Teaching the little boys to play with their –
Kites and their marbles as in days of yore
When along came a lady who looked like a –
Decent young lady, who walked like a duck
Said she was teaching a new way to –
Educate children to sew and to knit
While the lads in the stable were shovelling the –
Contents of the stable and the hay from the rick.
While the dirty old squire was pulling his –
Horse from the stable to prepare for the hunt
While his wife in the parlour was powdering her –
Face and arranging her vanity box
And taking precautions to ward of the –
Aches and rheumatics she knew she’s not scoot
For that very night she’s be having a –
Sweet violets,
Sweeter than all the roses: – Yas
37
 HYSTERESIS 2008
PUB REVIEW
It is every engie’s dreams to live in a world where schnitzels grow from trees and beer
flows like water; however despite years of research, development and testing this Utopian
paradise has yet to be perfected. But this research has not been without fruit. Quality
schnitzels can be found if you know where to look. With this in mind, four engies created
the ‘Council of Schnitters’ and set out with the hopes of finding the elusive quality
schnitzel and a good drop.
Fryzie: Now calling to order the Council of Schnitters
Xan: The first stop was the Mawson Lakes Hotel because someone said they had
massive schnitters
Fryzie: And they did
Xan/Tim: They were alright
Fryzie: Almost as huge as Xan
Xan: Almost
Tim: Almost as huge as my cock
Xan: Let’s no get too far ahead of ourselves
Fryzie: Hearsay isn’t truth Tim
Xan: so we went to Mawson Lakes with myself, Fryzie, Tim and Fing
Fryzie: And we demolished the schnitzels… well everyone except for Fing
Tim: He was defeated
Fing: To be completely honest and I think you all agree, it wasn’t that good a schnitzel
Fryzie: No, it wasn’t that good; however, you still couldn’t finish it
Xan: I drew a little handbag next to your name Fing
Fryzie: You wouldn’t look out of place with one of them on your shoulder, anyway how to
sum up Mawson Lakes schnitzels?
Tim: Quantity not quality
Xan: Big but not good, they did have a shitload of toppings that we didn’t try
Tim: The toppings are great actually, I’ve had the Nachos and mushroom and garlic ones
and they were great but there’s a lot of it and you get sick of it pretty quick
Xan: The chicken was woeful; who serves 2 bits of meat not even joined together and
calls it one schnitzel?
Fryzie: So the final point – the venue?
Xan: Clean but nothing special
Fryzie: And no tits to be seen. However, elsewhere wasn’t much better
Tim: To family friendly for your average engie
Xan: We should have gone somewhere that advertised TITS!
Fryzie: You could go for s stroll through Eng South and see more chicks than we did
Xan: That’s depressing
Fryzie: Moving on, the Alehouse
Xan: I had big expectations of the Alehouse, but that night they were rubbish
Fryzie: The chicken schnitzels were shit
Fing: I told you
Fryzie: Yes yes you were right Matt; they were bland and didn’t deliver. At least Mawson
Lakes was steak
Fing: What were the prices like?
Xan: Cheaper than the Mawson Lakes
38
 HYSTERESIS 2008
Fryzie: But it was a kilo of meat there
Fing: I thought that the Alehouse was the best personally
Xan: If you’re going to the Alehouse steer clear of the chicken, smash the fuck out of the
beef. The only person who was happy was Fing who had the beef.
Fryzie: Alrighty the next up was the Leicester
Tim: mmmmm Good!
Fryzie: I think everyone agrees that it was good
Tim: It probably helped being pretty drunk before we got there
Fryzie: Speak for yourself
Xan: I wasn’t really drunk but I was hungry as fuck. But we were happy with the Leicester
Fryzie: Yes we were. No-one had the chicken though
Tim: Except for the three guys who ordered the small schnitzels
Xan: Fuck heads, don’t invite fuckheads Tim
Fryzie: We don’t rate them
Xan: Can those guys read? If so they’ll be reading this…Fuck ‘em, small chicken? Why
oh why!?!?
Tim: The beers were expensive though
Xan: They need to drop the price of beer by a third
Fing: The beer wasn’t the selling point
Xan: It’s somewhere you go to get a good feed but not to get smashed
Fing: Rants about shit parking
Fryzie: Where do you see shit parking on this rating list?
Fing: Well maybe it should!
Xan: The guy that served us was great but pubs need to hire stunning girls with big boobs
Tim: Yeah the big fat guy wasn’t stunning, no boobs
Xan: He had a little bit of boobs. Anyway, Tim said we should hit up IKEA for schnitzels,
and I was like it’s a furniture shop Tim do you realise this?
Tim: Yes, but they also serve ice-cream and hotdogs
Xan: So we went there for schnitzels
Fryzie: Best decision ever
Xan: Sweet decision, worked out so well. IKEA rules!! Chicken Schnitzel for $4.95 and its
gotta be said that it’s a good fucking schnitzel
Fryzie: If you paid ten bucks for two you would be happy cos it’s about a million times
better than the alehouse
Tim: About 8/9 of Fryzie’s head
Fryzie: If you put one in front of my head it would probably cover most of it
Xan: Which is a good thing cos then we wouldn’t have to see your face
Tim: They don’t have beer but $1.50 for endless soft drink ain’t bad
Xan: No waitresses to perve on though
Tim: Except for the creepy serving guy
Xan: Anyway we had some schnitzels… The results are that schnitzels rule!
Fryzie: The hard hitting results that you deserve. All in all head to IKEA if you want value,
head to Leicester if you want a good meal, head to Alehouse if you want beef and don’t
mind Coopers, dark on tap is good.
Xan: I’m off to IKEA again…
Fryzie: Schnitzel review board signing out.
Fryzie, Xan, Tim and Fing
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PICTURES OF 2008
HANDOVER BBQ (LAST YEAR)

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O’WEEK

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PUB-CRAWL

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BBQS

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CAREER’S NIGHT

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ELECTION WEEK & THE PARTY PARTY PARTY

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RANDOM UNI PICS

NOT REALLY ENOUGH ROOM

HERE FOR ANYTHING GOOD!
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AUTOGRAPHS

Get all your friends to sign this page, and in a few years you will wonder
who most of these dickheads are and why you let them sign it!

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DICKHEAD OF THE YEAR AWARD
Just like last year, we once again have a
dickhead of the year award. This year the
committee decided that it should be awarded to
the National Wine Centre or NWC who was only
fractionally more crap than that guy (or girl) who
stole our megaphone on pub-crawl.
This year the NWC has managed to stop clubs
from serving alcohol because of a very vague
concern about “safety issues”. This means that
we have to pay the wine centre for their staff
and alcohol rather than run our own bar,
preventing us from supplying our loyal members
with cheap booze. This meant that we were unable to run our new
term two event which was to be a cocktail night as well as our
favourite term three even Hens and Bucks, which is always a big hit,
because we couldn’t supply our own alcohol!
So if you want to help, write a letter to someone and have a bit of a
whinge, because the more people who are aware of the problem and
decide to help by kicking up a fuss, the sooner the problem will get
resolved (hopefully).
Obviously though the NWC were the recipients of this prestigious
award, I would just like to mention that the vote was close between
the wine centre and that guy who stole our megaphone. But basically
if we find out who you are, we’ll do something you won’t enjoy so
watch your back! The editors would just
Please Note: Reports from the following people would like to thank everyone
have been published in Hysteresis if they had bothered to who contributed to this
submit them on time or at all – Vice Chancellors Report, publication: the AUES
CHEMS Report, and Artists Report (SORRY Shannon!) committee, particularly
Tom Vincent and Chris
Schwarz; the sponsors
OVERUSED WORDS IN THIS PUBLICATION
who placed adds in this
Just like last year, we are going to list the words that
mag: Chris Tan
appeared in Hysteresis a few too many times…
Consulting and the
• Skullbuggery – 7 AUU; each school who
• AUES – 66 donated money to help
• Hysteresis – 26 pay for the cost of
• Dickhead – 11 printing this publication.
• BBQ – 31 Obviously there are
• Engineering – 118 many others who didn’t
• Unibar – 67 get thanked in person
• Megaphone – 15 or specifically
• Shit – 14 mentioned but we
• And basically any other profanity you can think of haven’t forgotten about
you so thanks!

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