“Haemin, I am a little depressed”

“Over the course of our lives, most of us go through periods of depression. It would be wonderful if our
lives were filled with only joy and happiness, but there is also aging, falling ill, and dying to contend with.
It’s only to be expected that we will feel depressed at some point, when confronted with the inevitable.
If I look at my own life, depression is like a guest who shows up just when I’ve managed to forget about him
—when my relationships with colleagues were strained by misunderstandings, when my hard work did not
pay off, when I got sick but didn’t know the cause or how to treat it. I saw no hope of escaping from these
circumstances, and depression crawled in.
Since founding a nonprofit organization in Seoul called the School of Broken Hearts, I have had many
occasions to meet people like me who experience occasional mild depression. The school offers free support
programs for those struggling with cancer, loss of family, divorce, raising a child with a disability, LGBT
issues, unemployment, relationship problems, and more. Most participants are not clinically depressed; if
they are, we urge them to see a medical doctor right away. But to those experiencing mild depression every
once in a while, I have been giving the following advice from the perspective of Buddhist psychology.
Whenever feelings of depression have taken hold, I’ve examined my mind carefully and discovered some
striking characteristics about it.
First of all, what has triggered my depression and kept feeding it was none other than my own repetitive
thoughts. Depending on what kinds of thoughts we have, they have huge bearing on our emotional lives. A
positive thought produces a positive feeling, whereas a negative thought leads to a negative feeling. If we
don’t keep throwing the firewood of depressing thoughts into our mind’s furnace, the depressed feeling
remains only a visitor, disappearing along with the thought. So if we want to understand feelings of
depression, we must first understand the thoughts that give rise to them.
Thoughts are our own individual perspectives on the external and internal situations we call our lives.
According to scientists, people have as many as seventeen thousand thoughts in a single day; many thoughts
tend to be similar in content, and those that recur most frequently have to do with memories. We become
habituated to thinking about the same episodes over and over again. The problem is that for the most part,
we are often lost in our thoughts and remain completely unaware of them. Although thoughts are produced
by our own minds, they have the power to determine our emotional lives, frequently against our will.
Moreover, since thoughts tend to operate on a subconscious level, we cannot easily distinguish between
those that reflect objective reality and those that reflect our subjective opinions. This means we are quick to
believe that our thoughts are a clear reflection of reality even when this is absolutely not the case.
In light of what we know about the nature of thoughts, there are three tips I want to offer about how to beat
back depression. First, when a depressing thought comes to you, remember that it is only a single, passing
cloud in the big sky of your mind. Many psychological problems come about because we confuse our
evanescent thoughts with ourselves. But thoughts are only fleeting responses to specific circumstances,
which are themselves constantly changing.
When we step back and observe a depressing thought, we can see how insignificant it is in the grand scheme
of things. And if we leave it alone rather than engage with it, it either disappears on its own or changes
shape. We can say to it, “Oh, how interesting! A cloud is passing overhead,” and soon it will end up dying
out. But if we attach ourselves to the thought and identify with it, rather than perceiving it as separate from
ourselves, then we let it linger and end up falling into the swamp of depression.

Second, if your depression is triggered by negative comments about you by people who don’t know you
very well, you should understand that though it sounds like they’re talking about you, their words say more
about their own negative psychological state than they do about you. Their comments are based on their own
projection of who they imagine you to be. Although you can hope that such people become happier and less
mean-spirited, you cannot hold yourself responsible for their negative state of mind, which you have not
caused. If you don’t give them your attention, they cannot hold so much power over you.
Third, we have to keep in mind that most thoughts are personal opinions based on our limited experience.
They are not set in stone but change as the situation does. So if you catch yourself having negative thoughts,
rather than thinking too seriously about them, simply turn your attention to the present moment and breathe.
It’s always helpful to focus on breathing because breathing always happens in the present. When you feel
your breath moving in and out of your body, your mind relaxes, and any tension in your body eases. And
when your mind arrives at the here and now, your thoughts naturally stop. In fact, try setting this book down
for a moment and breathing deeply for just one minute. Remember that an easy way to release your mind
from the trap of negative thoughts and feelings is to focus on the present moment through your breathing.”
Source: Love for imperfect things - Haemin Sunim

Questions: What was inspiring from the text?

Did you experience moments of depression in your life? How did you overcome them?