A WISH TO TURN BACK TIME

By Lourence Clark E. Elumba

Up sight in the sky, there’s a man standing alone near the beach front, a man who is in
pain, weary, and weak, with his lonely eyes, crying so hard and a drops of his tears, slides off his
face down toward the white and dry sand, while he deeply breath and whispers. Waiting for the
sun to set, looking through to the bloody red skies. A man who often trying to go with
disappearing time, wishing to make those things that had happened, would came back - to be
with his loving and caring mom again.
***
Making his life becoming better and successive is what did Anton always wanted to and
to become a pride in the line of his family is what makes him alive. At home, he lives with his
mother who always make him a delicious meal, and taking good care of him. That is why, Anton
trait her old Mama Nanny as his own very priceless treasure that no one can replace even a deck
of money will not. One morning while Mama Nanny is preparing the table for the breakfast he
shouted to call his son Anton for a breakfast, “Anton! The breakfast is ready come get out of
your bed and let’s eat before the food will get so cold”
“Okay! Mama I’m coming, I’m almost done just wait, nobody should breakfast without
me and you Mama”,
“Okay, I’m waiting”
After Anton making his stuffs in his room, he happily smelled the savoury and aroma of
the dishes that her mother had cooked for him.
“Oh Good morning mama, what did you cook, it’s very delicious mama even though I
didn’t eat those yet”,
“Oh really Anton? Guess what did Mama cooked for you.”
Anton answered, “It’s my favourite Tinolang Manok, right mama?”
“Oh yes dear, you hit it again!”
“Haha, of course mama, it’s my favourite, can I eat now?”
“Yes dear, but make sure you had already washed your hands first before eating, okay?”
“It’s done Mama”
With his watering and starving mouth, Anton can’t really wait and start to take a sip from
the savoury soup of the hot Tinolang Manok and starting becoming his childhood memories
come alive about a one moment between him and his mother happily eating together.
“Oh yes! I knew it mama, it’s very delicious, I don’t even know what to say, it’s very
good!”
“Really dear?”
 “Yes mama you’re still my number one, and I’ll promise mama, in these days, I’ll be the
one who’ll takes good care of you, I love you mama!”
“Thanks dear, I love you too”
It was seen on that moment how Anton really loves his Mama so as a change, he strive
every day to make money out of his job as a Bank Manager, making himself became more busy,
stressful, and low-tempered man, that leads his way to slowly forgot himself and even his loving
and most loved mother. He even don’t go eating with his mother together for a meal and had
already forgot to take good care on her as he did promised making her mother’s sadness grow,
not knowing that his mother was slowly begins to fall down, having a cough of which he don’t
even know because of his business, adding a little changes on him making a worse of himself
bringing the arrogant character pretending as the King of his family, and the one who always
think that’s right. It is not visible in Anton’s mind because he always think that everything was in
order and all that he do are all just for his mother’s goodness.
One day, Anton was assigned by his boss to go across the country away from his mother
to participate a conference meeting in one month, Anton thinks so selfish, thinking of world
leaders and greatest Financial Officers to meet making it as an evident of his pride as a symbol of
his arrogance, not even thinking his mother’s health and feelings. When Anton took a time to
talk with his mother about the offer, Mama Nanny became so sad and begins to cry, while
coughing hardly and hopelessly beg his child to not go and leave her.
“Anton, are gonna leave your mother, why will you still go? You know I can’t live more
days without you, I don’t know what to do, please son don’t go, don’t leave Mama”
“Ma! I really need to go there, you know it once in a lifetime especially that I’ll be
meeting the world’s greatest Leaders and Financial Officers teaching me how to become more
successful and rich”
“But I don’t care who would you gonna meet there son, I don’t care about of Money and
your Success if it will be the reason why you will going to leave for days”
“Maaaahh! Don’t be so stubborn, I won’t gonna leave you, I do all of these because of
you, because I loved you so much, and I think this is the only way that I can give back to you
your hardships and sacrifices since I was little. So please! Let me go, it is my life Ma, you cannot
decide where you want me to go, okay? And besides, I’ll sending Aunt Lisa her so that she will
be the one who taking care of you while I’m not around.”
“but Anton…”
“Ma!... Enough!”
For Mama Nanny, it was her terrible counterpart with his son Anton since he was just a
kid, that moment that Anton really answers his mom was moment that broke his mother’s heart
broke into pieces making her to cry evenly more, while coughing so hard, and thinks that she is
not important to his son anymore and everything that Anton had promised to her were seems had
already gone, replacing those unrighteous decisions that hurts his mom.
 After then, Anton prepare to pack his stuffs, clothes and any important papers to for his
ravel across country which will be a month, then he go out of his house without even saying
goodbye or any other words to his mother.
Ten days after, Anton were so very happy that he had meet those personalities and his
Idols in his profession, making them a conversation, that seems so very happy about it, and yes,
as the days come, the more that he had and learned on that conference, the worst attitude that is
building up in his body, making him more and more arrogant one, forgetting those important
morals that his mother had taught on him, keeping his happiness alive, forgetting who’s really
Anton was.
One day, he received a telegram from his Aunt Lisa containing a message that his
mother’s condition was getting even worse, because of a disease caused by her cough. Without
being shocked, Anton is still unconcern about it than of those stuffs that he face in his meetings.
As a response, he also write a letter saying that,
“Lisa, please take good care of my mother, I’ll be sending you a money for her
medications, I’ll be back after 20 days. Goodbye.” Without any words other words, Anton send
that message to home, and get back on the conference.
“You know what sir? Even though were still just here in 10 days, I’d really learned a lot
of things that could help myself for my future and surely, I will apply this stuffs to gain more
money, and that’s my wish”, as he said to his Idols.
Five days later, Anton received a news that turns all his possessions and characters into
nothing when he realizes that everything was a mistake after he received a response from his
Aunt Lisa that was terrible a bad news, a news that saying his mother was confined in the
Hospital and Diagnosed that a Stage 4 Lung Cancer and badly was really in a severe condition.
Then without any notice, Anton drops the telegram and hardly start to cry, hitting and hurting
himself, realizing that it was his mistake why did everything happens to his mother, he was
became too selfish, and arrogant to everything that’s new to him, ‘til he forgot those things that
are important to his life, and one of those is his Mama Nanny.
With the remaining, Anton didn’t wait for the event to end and directly go to the airport
without giving any notices to the staffs and officials about his decision to assist his dying mother.
After a day, finally, Anton had arrived in his country very weary, troubled and problematic, and
without wasting any moment he went directly to the hospital where his mother was being
confined. Then he get a chance to talk to his mother and apologizes to her while hardly crying,
and hugging her.
“Ma! Ma! Please don’t leave me Ma, please don’t leave me”
“Oh Anton, it’s you, thank God you’re back, but why you’re here, I thought I was a one
month trip, don’t you want that opportunity?”
“Ma! Please don’t talk about that trash, I don’t wanna go there anymore, Ma! I’m so
sorry of everything that I’ve done to you, I’m so sorry for forgetting you, I’m so sorry for
everything that I’ve done that made you hurt, I thought it was all good for you, I wasn’t become
good”
 “shhhh! Shhhh! Will you please quite, you don’t have any mistake, you just actually
doing your side, you’re good son, you did not make Mama disappoint and I’m happy about it”
“No! No! No! Mama, you’re wrong, I was too selfish on my own possessions, I was too
blind on everything that makes me happy, and it doesn’t even includes you, I’ve forget about
you, and how dear myself to do that to you”
“It is just what you’ve said, that it makes you happy and I was too, as long as my child is
happy his mother would be that too even if I wasn’t the one who make you happy”
“Mama, please don’t leave”
“but it’s too late son, Mama will going to leave in any time, she will be missing you so
much son, and she will never forget those moments that mama and you cherishes the moment
that we are happy, remember that son”
“No! Ma! Have you forgot? I said to you the day that we eat together, I said that I’ll be
taking care of you, and I will do everything just for you”
“yes son, Mama still remembers that, and she will always remember that and will always
Love you, I love you Anton, Goodby…………….”, while Anton held his mother’s Hands so
tight, it begins to fall and her mother begins to become unconscious, and not breathing, until she
dies so peacefully, while Anton who is right beside her, begins to become out of himself and
hardly cry, shouting and making a scandal.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Maaaaaaaaaaa! Don’t leave meeeeeee! I’m so sorry
mama, mama, mama, I love you too mama”
Then he ran, and ran and ran, not knowing the place where to go, he didn’t stop, while he
cries and the tears rushing from his eyes, dropping in every step where he came from, until he
took to stop in the beach when it was already 5 PM and the sun starts to set, then he raise his
hands trying get close to the bloody reddish sun, realizing all the the things that he made was just
a trash and a mistake that cannot be forgiven, a mistake that no one can ever describe how it
affects others and a mistake that bothers everyone’s heart.It was already late when Anton did
realize and remembers those things are just mistake,
“If I could just wish to take this back, I will cherish every moment that are wasted, a
moment where my mother is still alive, a moment where my Mama Nanny, my only treasure is
still there to cook me a food, is still there to wake me up, and is still there to remind me to wash
my hands, but it’s too late, because I’m a dumb, stupid and selfish idiot that was born in this
world, and yes I deserved this, but I can’t accept this, but I don’t have any choice but to accept
the truth that Mama Nanny was gone because of me”
***
There are times that we are fully blinded by those things that really brought us the joy
that we really wish to be true, but there are times that this will be the beginning that we will be
going to become dead inside, and starts to forget everything around us especially our family. So
cherish every moment that we live with them, let’s love them, keep them, take good care of them
and trait them as precious as shining diamonds, because they are just a priceless and
irreplaceable stuffs that we have.
 ***
T H E E N D