DEVOTED TO MENTAL HEALTH & WELLBEING ISSUE 57

All in DISCOVER

good Techniques to
melt tension &

time
induce calm

There are wonders

to be found in every TURN UP
phase of life THE HEAT
There’s more
to intimacy
than just sex

Reduce your
carbon footprint
Get your finances
in 'cheque'
Psychosis signs
& support
 The next
chapter
Have you ever had a moment
when you suddenly feel lost in
your own life? The days of a
familiar rhythm seem like a distant
memory, and you’re constantly
learning, adjusting, and facing new
challenges.
Throughout our lives, we enter
different stages – whether
it’s leaving home for the first
time, starting a new career, or
approaching retirement. And
while we know who we were, and
what we needed to do yesterday,
today it’s like someone has spun us
around on the spot until we’ve lost
all sense of direction.
Entering this unfamiliar territory
can be unsettling. Your goals may
appear different, your support
systems may have changed – it
might even feel like you’re not the
person you were 10 years ago. It
can be like starting over, whether
you’re quite ready to or not...
As scary as reaching a new phase
in your life can be, with all the
unknowns and uncertainty, we can
reframe that fear into possibilities.
Rebecca portrait | Studio Rouge
We can make it the life we want,
spending our time how we want,
focusing on what we need at this
point in our lives.
With this in mind, on p28 we’re
facing the fears of approaching
new life stages, exploring how this
can be an opportunity for growth,
and a chance to find freedom in
being ourselves.
On p53, we reflect on the pressure
to hit certain milestones, and how
we can adjust this outlook to go
at our own pace. Plus, on p65,
we navigate the ever-changing
landscape of the road to recovery.
The dawning of a new age isn’t
the end of our story; in fact, it’s just
the beginning of a new chapter
waiting to be written.
Although it may seem, at times,
as though we’re meeting a new
version of ourselves, the truth
is they’ve been there all along.
We’re evolving, and at each new
stage we’re discovering what
we’re capable of – why not enjoy
getting to know ourselves?
It’s time to turn the page, and let
your story unfold...
W | happiful.com
F | happifulhq
T | @happifulhq
REBECCA THAIR | EDITOR I | @happiful_magazine
 28
Words of wisdom
20 Skill swaps
How can we share our knowledge
to better support each other?

23 The girl who lived

Our columnist, Grace Victory, returns
to tell her story, in her own words

28 A new age
Challenging attitudes towards ageing,
and embracing new life stages

53 Missed milestones
Tips for when life doesn't go to plan

89 Under pressure
Relieve anxiety with pressure points

Food & health

39 Dealing with health anxiety

48 Tastes like teen spirit

Nutrition tips for adolescence

50 Life with chronic illness

How to find balance

58 Recipes to start your day

79 Supercharge breakfast Positive pointers

Give your morning a boost
Relationships
16 Know your self-worth
It's time to recognise our true value
72 Turn the heat up
Creative ways to build
intimacy, that aren't sex
26 Drop a verse
Practise poetry for your wellbeing
32 Sleep tight
The ultimate bedtime routine
36 Curb your carbon
61 Finding joy, at last
Jules Von Hep shares his journey

61
82 Calling all people-pleasers 75 Winter wildlife
Expert advice on how to overcome
this detrimental habit 85 Yoga for kids
76
79
True stories
45 Claire: food for thought
How cooking brought Claire's
family together through grief
69 Ali: facing the fear
A phobia of childbirth shadowed her
future dreams, until she reached out
95 Beth: my calling
IBS took over, but she found a
creative way to express herself
Wellbeing
14 What is toxic positivity?
33 Psychosis explained
Be aware of early signs
42 Your financial wellbeing
16
65 The road to recovery
Why it isn't always straightforward
92 How to find motivation
As an adult with ADHD
Culture
8 Good news
This month’s uplifting stories
13 The wellbeing wrap
56 Things to do in January
32
64 Unmissable reads
Try this at home
38 And... relax
76 Back to nature
Is it time to take exercise outside?
84 Help for depression
98 Leave it in 2021
*
Expert review
Every issue of Happiful is
reviewed by an accredited
counsellor, to ensure we
deliver the highest quality
content while handling
topics sensitively.
The process of growing older
as time passes by is inevitable,
however, many people still
hold negative feelings towards
ageing. There are likely to be
a host of reasons for this –
though, in most part, they’re
socially constructed by the
world that you are exposed
to. Check out p28 for some
fresh perspectives that can be
applied to growing old, and
what that can mean for you –
it does not have to be feared.
With a shift of perspective,
the process of growth can be
embraced to support you with
the direction you are headed
in. This can be a truly positive
experience. The question is,
are you ready?
RAV SEKHON
BA MA MBACP (Accred)
Rav is a counsellor
and psychotherapist
with more than 10
years' experience.
Expert Panel
Meet the team of experts
providing information,
guidance, and insight
throughout this issue
CAROL PEARSON
Bsc (Hons) PGCert Hyp PCC
Carol is a leadership and life
coach supporting clients to
reach their goals.
MICHAEL SWIFT
BSc MSc MPDCBT MBPsS MBACP
Michael is a senior
psychotherapist, consultant
and lecturer in CBT.
DEE JOHNSON
Pract.Dip CBT MRSPH MBACP MNCS
Dee is a counsellor
interested in working with
individuals and groups.
GRAEME ORR
MBACP (Accred) Reg Ind
Graeme is a counsellor
working with both
individuals and couples.
SONAL SHAH
BSc (hons)
Sonal is a nutritional
therapist, health tutor, and
director of Synergy Nutrition.
JESSICA ROGERS
BA (Hons) CPCC PCC
Jessica is a
leadership and
executive coach.
GERALDINE JOAQUIM
DFSH HPD MCNHC MAFSFH MCTAA
Geraldine is a clinical
hypnotherapist specialising
in stess and women's health.
ANDY GILL
BA NLP E-RYT JSY500 AC BWY
Andy is a therapist
who uses coaching,
hypnotherapy, and yoga.
SARAH HANRATTY
BSc N.Med MCMA
Sarah is a clinical
nutritionist at the Brain
Food Nutrition Clinic.
UTA BOELLINGER
DipNut mBANT rCNHC
Uta is a nutritionist
specialising in women's
health and energy.
RACHEL COFFEY
BA MA NLP Mstr
Rachel is a life coach,
encouraging
confidence.
KATE DIMMER
MSc mBANT CNHC
Kate is a registered
nutritional therapist and
health coach.
ANDREW HARVEY
FD (Open) MBACP (Accred) AP APM
Andrew is a
psychotherapeutic
counsellor.
Our team
EDITORIAL
Rebecca Thair | Editor
Kathryn Wheeler | Head Writer
Chelsea Graham | Editorial Assistant
Bonnie Evie Gifford, Kat Nicholls | Senior Writers
Becky Wright | Content & Marketing Officer
Grace Victory, Andy Gill | Columnists
Lucy Donoughue | Head of Partnerships
Ellen Hoggard | Digital Editor
Keith Howitt | Sub-Editor
Rav Sekhon | Expert Advisor
ART & DESIGN
Amy-Jean Burns | Head of Product
Charlotte Reynell | Creative Lead
Rosan Magar | Illustrator
Tamlyn Izzett | Graphic Designer
COMMUNICATIONS
Alice Greedus | PR Manager
CONTRIBUTORS
Sarah Young, Maxine Ali, Caroline Butterwick,
Kayleigh Rose McManus, Sarah Hanratty,
Victoria Stokes, Jenna Farmer, Charlie Swarbrooke,
Pragya Agarwal, Gemma Calvert, Katie Hoare,
Claire Gillies, Ali Lawrence, Beth Coldrick
SPECIAL THANKS
Graeme Orr, Rachel Coffey, Andrew Harvey,
Carol Pearson, Michael Swift, Dee Johnson,
Uta Boellinger, Kate Dimmer, Sonal Shah,
Jessica Rogers, Geraldine Joaquim
MANAGEMENT
Aimi Maunders | Director & Co-Founder
Emma White | Director & Co-Founder
Paul Maunders | Director & Co-Founder
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Cover illustration
by Rosan Magar
One undeniable truth is that
finding the right help for each
individual is a journey – what
works for one of us will be
different for someone else. But
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 The Uplift
TECHNOLOGY
Artists reimagine masterpieces in a zero-carbon future
Technology may hold the key to
widespread, long-lasting change,
but what does that look like in
practice?
In a bid to explore a future
supported by tech innovations,
the Royal Academy of Engineering
commissioned digital artists to
rework masterpieces by Monet, Van
Gogh, Constable, and Pissarro, all
to prompt conversations about how
engineering could help us to reach
net zero carbon emissions by 2050.
Chosen because the artists were
working during the industrial
revolution, which we now know
triggered the start of rising carbon
8 | January 2022 | happiful.com
emissions, the pieces feature
innovations such as agricultural
robots, smart thermochromic
windows, vertical farms, and
flying taxis, to illustrate how our
landscapes might change with the
development of new tech.
One of the pieces was
Constable’s The Wheat Field,
which was reworked to include
solar powered pruning robots,
autonomous grass cutting
machines, and crop-monitoring
drones. You can also see hydrogen
planes in the sky – with futuristic
shapes that maximise fuel-
efficiency and range of travel.
“If Constable were to walk in
the British countryside in 2050,
he’d see smaller fields with strips
of different coloured crops, and
less productive fields rewilded
with trees, wildflowers, and
shrubs to boost biodiversity and
pollination,” said Kit Franklin,
senior lecturer in agricultural
engineering at Harper Adams
University, in Shropshire.
Celebrating the power of tech,
with the aim of encouraging
bright minds into technology, the
reimagined masterpieces open a
window to the possibilities ahead.
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
HEALTH
First live, uncensored breast check
reminds us to give our chests some TLC
When was the last time you
checked your chest? According
to the charity Breast Cancer Now,
more than a third of women in
Britain don’t regularly check for
potential signs of breast cancer.
So, to empower more of us to get
up close and personal with our
chests, the charity teamed up with
Twitter UK to stream the first-ever
uncensored live breast check.
With the help of three volunteers,
the broadcast gave viewers the
chance to see it really is as simple
as TLC – touch, look, and check.
WORK
Portugal makes it illegal for bosses
to contact staff after-hours
In a landmark new law dubbed
as the ‘right to rest’, Portugal has
banned bosses from texting or
emailing their staff outside of
working hours, all as part of the
country’s dedication to improve
work-life balance.
Prompted by an increase in
the number of people who are
working from home, companies
with more than 10 staff could be
subject to fines if they contact their
employees when they are not on
the clock.
But this isn’t the only move
they have made to better support
employee wellbeing. Parents will
Clinical nurse specialist and host of
the broadcast Addie Mitchell also
offered ideas for making it a habit,
including checking in the shower.
The research by Breast Cancer
Now found the main reasons for not
checking regularly were forgetting
(53%), not being in the habit of
checking (39%), and not feeling
confident in checking their breasts/
not knowing how to (16%).
The charity’s chief executive,
Baroness Delyth Morgan, said:
“Checking your breasts or chests
takes just a couple of minutes but
now be able to work from home
indefinitely until their child turns
eight, without needing to seek
approval from their employers.
And companies may also need
to contribute to household bills
– such as energy and broadband
costs – if their workforce is home-
based. What’s more, in order to
address any feelings of isolation,
companies are also expected
to organise regular face-to-face
meetings.
Portugal is one of several
countries that have introduced
‘digital nomad visas’, looking
to attract entrepreneurs and
could make all the difference – two-
thirds of breast cancers are found
by women noticing unusual breast
changes, and getting them checked
by a GP.
“While most breast changes
won’t be cancer, it’s vital to contact
your GP if you find anything
new or unusual, as the sooner
breast cancer is found, the more
successful treatment is likely to be.”
Check out the charity’s
#TouchLookCheck campaign on
Twitter (@BreastCancerNow) for
more. Writing | Kat Nicholls
freelancers to the country – the
Portuguese island of Madeira
even has a ‘digital nomad village’,
where you can log in with free
wifi and office facilities – and
these updates to the laws around
remote working set the way for
achieving a healthy and fulfilling
work-life balance.
So, whether it prompts you to
jet-set to sunny Portugal, or to
reconsider the boundaries in
place in your own life, the new law
highlights the importance of rest,
and a large-scale change in the
way we think about work.
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
happiful.com | January 2022 | 9
 WELLBEING

Study reveals the

power of a hearty
cup of coffee
In good news for coffee lovers, research
presented at the European Society of
Cardiology Congress has revealed that
up to three cups of coffee per day is
associated with a lower risk of stroke
and heart disease, in the largest study
to assess the effects of regular coffee
consumption.
Including 468,629 UK participants, the
study looked at people with no signs of
heart disease. They were then divided
into three groups depending on their
usual daily coffee consumption – none,
up to three cups, and more than three
cups – with researchers estimating the
association of daily coffee consumption
with incident outcomes over a median
follow-up of 11 years.
As part of the process, researchers made
adjustments for a range of lifestyle factors
such as age, sex, smoking status, and diet.
What they found was that, compared with
non-coffee drinkers, light to moderate
coffee drinkers were associated with a
12% lower risk of all-cause death, 17%
lower risk for death from heart disease,
and 21% lower risk of having a stroke.
They also found that even high daily
intake (more than three cups a day) did
not pose a cardiovascular risk.
While further research is needed
to fully understand why exactly this
is happening, it sits alongside the
wellbeing benefits of sitting down with
a warm drink, which has been shown to
decrease our stress and anxiety levels.
That’s some cool beans.
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

happiful.com | January 2022 | 11

Take 5 How did
do? Sea
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Switch off from the outside world rch
'freebies
and put your mind to these puzzles shop.ha ' at
ppiful.co
to find th m
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Funky mazes and mor
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Can you find the right path to exit the mazes?
Then use the letters revealed by the correct
paths to create a new word
A

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Winning letters: Answer:

Hint: Radiating from within

 The
wellbeing
Having
a laugh?
A new study has explored how,
wrap and when, our sense of humour
develops, and it could be earlier
than you’d think! Researchers from
A spring in your step iHeartDogs, based in Bristol University found that by the
Apparently, all it takes is a time we’re one month old, we can
the US, created ‘dog- start to appreciate humour,
good deep clean. Keeping
angel’ Christmas but most of us won’t get the
The Cambridge up with household chores
Dictionary tree toppers in 2019, true giggles until eight
as we age can boost brain
has crowned with the promise to weeks old.
‘perseverance’ function, with a study Safety
donate 30 meals to
the word of 2021 from Singapore finding
shelters animals for
& support
cognitive scores to be 8% A new update to health guidance,
each one sold. So
higher in those aged over by the National Institute for
far, it’s donated more
65 who did high volumes Health and Care Excellence,
than 1 million meals to
of housework – time to get looks to help pregnant people
animals in need.
out those Marigolds. at risk of miscarrying. The
recommendation is to prescribe
And it was called yellow? progesterone to those at high-risk
A new law is being Maybe Coldplay should change their iconic for miscarriage, and it’s believed
proposed that will song to ‘Green’, given their upcoming tour is utilising
see dognappers this could prevent an estimated
face up to five revolutionary eco-friendly technology. Having 8,450 miscarriages in the UK
years in prison previously vowed not to tour again until it found each year.
a sustainable way to do so, the band announced
that its 2022 shows will be powered by renewable In November, a man
energy, featuring a dancefloor that can capture the from Dublin set out on
kinetic energy of the crowd! an incredible challenge
Make a wish in order to raise funds
A 13-year-old from Mississippi, who has a rare blood for men’s health
Expedia, the charity Movember.
travel company, disorder that required a bone marrow transplant in
is to stop selling 2020, was granted a wish by charity Make-A-Wish, and Having gone through
holidays that used it in the most selfless way. Abraham Olagbegi his own difficulties
include captive
dolphin and asked to feed the homeless, and it’s a wish that will keep with depression and
whale shows on giving. After giving out meals to about 80 people in anxiety, Sean O’Hara
September, the charity has agreed to help Abraham ran 30 marathons in 30
feed the homeless each month for a year, after which days, raising more than
Abraham hopes to continue the good work by setting €26,000 to help others.
up his own non-profit.

North Lincolnshire Council put Rental roots

the power to name its new Planting the seeds for a brighter future, a
snow gritter in the public’s fantastic initiative in the UK allows people to rent
Lidl has hands – and they delivered their Christmas trees, then return them to be
become the in the form of a royal tribute. nurtured at a farm for the rest of the year, to be
highest-paying
supermarket In honour of the late Prince collected as festivities resume. London Christmas
in the UK, with Philip, the new machine has Tree Rental is on a mission to reduce the seven
minimum wages been dubbed ‘The Duke of million Christmas trees that end up in landfill each
of £10.10 per hour
Spreadingborourgh’. year, with its sustainable alternative.
 What is toxic
itivity?
pos
We explore the impact of brushing aside emotions,
and not accepting the full range of our feelings
Y
ou’re sitting in a
café with a friend,
sipping on lattes while
talking about your
recent break up that’s left you
devastated. You saw a future with
them, and now they’re suddenly
gone. You’re on the verge of
bursting into tears, and your
friend shifts uncomfortably in
her seat.
“Ah well,” they say. “Everything
happens for a reason. Now you
can move on and find someone
better. After all, there’s plenty
more fish in the sea!”
The conversation moves on
to something else before you’re
ready, and you leave feeling like
you haven’t really been heard.
Positivity is something we all
want to possess. It’s a mindset
we often need to motivate us,
and to see the brighter side of
things. But what happens when
that crosses over into becoming
something that’s no longer
beneficial, and instead a way to
suppress appropriate negative
feelings in yourself or others?
Toxic positivity is often
caused by a discomfort with
emotions such as anger, sadness,
14 | January 2022 | happiful.com
Writing | Sarah Young
disappointment, and grief. “Toxic
positivity can speak to our desire
for all things to be good and in
order,” says psychotherapist
Andrew Harvey. “This, for some,
might provide a feeling of safety
and hope, which are positive things.
However the toxicity part can be
found if this denies realities, or
distorts what is possible.”
It’s important to
remember that
it’s OK to feel the
full spectrum of
emotions, and that
they are part of
being alive
This can result in pressure
on those who are experiencing
things like loss, or mental
illness, to look for positives
in their situation, or to move
on from grief before they are
ready. Alternatively, it can
be something we impose on
ourselves, like forcing ourselves
to put on a happy front when
inside we’re struggling.
“Toxic positivity can often leave
people feeling less than positive,”
explains Andrew. “That’s one
indicator that what is being
shared might not be your truth.”
Toxic positivity places
demands on people to get over
their difficult feelings without
processing them in a healthy
way, and it can end up dissuading
people from seeking further
support, or causing them to
feel shame, for having negative
thoughts.
The pressure to learn a new skill,
or get fit, while trying to survive
a pandemic, is a recent example
of toxic positivity. Other examples
could include: telling people to
focus on the good things in their
lives, rather than acknowledging
their pain; saying “It could
be worse”, or minimising, by
comparing what they’re going
through to a subjectively worse
experience; telling someone to
‘just get over it’; dismissing pain
by saying that everything happens
for a reason; not acknowledging
barriers that certain people face.

TOXIC
POSITIVITY
Toxic positivity doesn’t
necessarily sound serious, but it
can cause a lot of damage. A 2020
narrative review of 29 studies of
domestic violence, found that
misdirected or overgeneralised
positivity exacerbates harm
and abuse. It suggested that
optimistic bias can put victims in
danger; encouraging resilience,
hope, empathy, forgiveness,
and acceptance increases the
likelihood of victims staying with
their abusers and experiencing
further, often escalating, abuse.
Another concern is that toxic
positivity can encourage people
to hide, avoid, or ignore negative
emotions. This can cause further
distress, and lead those feelings
to become even more powerful,
coming out in unhealthy and
destructive ways. It’s important to
talk about these feelings so that
we can explore and process them.
Toxic positivity can also
mean that problems within
relationships are not addressed,
leading to communication
breakdowns and damage to the
relationship. Stigma around
mental illness paired
with toxic positivity can ensure
that someone doesn’t seek the
treatment they desperately
need. And demeaning other
people’s grief or anger can make
them feel like no one cares
about them, exacerbating their
negative emotions further.
It’s important to remember that
it’s OK to feel the full spectrum of
emotions – both those perceived
as positive and negative – and
that they are part of being
alive. Being able to identify
how we’re feeling is crucial to
understanding ourselves, and
working through those feelings.
A few other ways to combat
toxic positivity include:
- Talking to people you trust
when you need support, or to
vent – but respect boundaries,
and check that they have the
emotional capacity to listen,
especially if venting.
- Sharing if you don’t feel listened
to. You could say something
like: “It would really help me if
you could listen to my feelings
without trying to change them.
It’s OK for me to feel sad and
wellbeing
I would really like to just talk it
through with you.”
- Encouraging others to share their
feelings honestly as well.
- Avoid trying to fix the problem
immediately if someone is talking
to you about their struggles,
and instead focus on listening,
understanding, and empathising.
Positivity can be helpful when
navigating tough situations, but
only when there’s room for difficult
feelings, too, and it isn’t at the cost
of suppressing them. After all, we
can’t be positive all the time.
Sarah Young talks about body
confidence, eating disorder recovery,
and chronic illness on her Instagram
@bodypositivepear
Andrew Harvey is a
psychotherapeutic counsellor.
Get in touch with him via
counselling-directory.org.uk
happiful.com | January 2022 | 15
Know your worth
 relationships

It’s time we recognised that how we might look

to others does not dictate how we should feel
about ourselves. Go out and celebrate the real
you, and enjoy the liberation it brings
Writing | Maxine Ali

B
eauty – or rather, the
socially constructed
appearance norms
that are assigned the label
of ‘beautiful’ – has long been
framed as a measure of worth.
From a young age, we’re faced
with an onslaught of idealised
images, and taught to appraise
aesthetics as central to our status
and identity.
Lifelong exposure to
unattainable body ideals leads
many of us to develop an all-
consuming preoccupation with
our own appearance, basing our
feelings of worth on what we see
in the mirror. This is known as
having appearance-contingent
self-worth.
Those whose self-worth hinges
upon their appearance are more
likely to internalise the gaze
of spectators, resulting in an
objectified body consciousness.
This means that we view
ourselves not as a whole person,
but as an object existing for the
visual gratification of others.
We seek recognition not for
our individuality, creativity,
generosity, or kindness, but
for our alignment with beauty
standards, beating ourselves up
when we inevitably fall short.
In a society that places
tremendous emphasis on
aesthetic traits, and teaches
us that physical appearance is
the currency we trade in for
love, success, and acceptance,
disentangling our sense of worth
from how we look is by no means
easy. Recalibrating our self-
perception to derive value from
more than our bodies defies
what we’ve been told about how
our image-obsessed world works.
While it’s difficult to challenge
the culturally salient belief
that our bodies are the most
important thing about us, doing
so is also hugely liberating.
Through disrupting the influence
that appearance standards have
over us, we gain back valuable
time and energy to channel into
other activities that can enrich
our lives.
Resisting and rejecting
appearance-contingent self-worth
enables us to become architects
of our own value. Here are five
ways we can get started down the
path of accepting ourselves, and
recognising our true worth.
Prioritise positive self-talk
It’s easy for the conversations
we have with ourselves to be
swayed by our cultural tendency
to critique and criticise. Self-
directed body shame can feel
like second nature when the >>>

happiful.com | January 2022 | 17

 world has programmed us to
believe that we’re ‘not enough’.
However, it goes without saying
that launching verbal assaults on
our bodies does no good for our
mood or self-esteem.
Instead of perpetuating a
pattern of negative self-talk, try
to nurture a more encouraging
and supportive inner dialogue.
Notice when you begin to
ruminate over negative body
thoughts, and make a conscious
effort to say one positive non-
appearance related thing about
yourself. Remind yourself that
you are more than a body, and
you don’t exist for the viewing
pleasure of others. You have so
much more to offer the world
than how you look.
Though it might feel a little
uncomfortable at first, the more
you practise speaking positively
about yourself, the easier positive
self-talk will come.
Opt out of body monitoring
With the proliferation of activity
trackers or ‘wearables’ over the
past 10 years, many people have
grown increasingly dependent
upon self-tracking technologies
to guide their understanding and
relationship with their bodies.
However, research suggests
that those who closely monitor
and manage their bodies in this
way are more likely to reduce
themselves and their worth to
their physical characteristics.
A recent study published in
the journal Body Image found
that adolescents who engaged
18 | January 2022 | happiful.com
in vigilant body monitoring
experienced higher body shame.
Another article, in the journal
Sex Roles, suggested that using
self-tracking technologies
may exacerbate appearance
concerns, and increase
objectified body consciousness.
Opting out of body monitoring,
shifts our focus away from our
physical selves. By ditching self-
tracking apps, and renouncing
our reliance on their feedback,
we open up space to explore
and recognise others parts of
ourselves from which we can
draw our sense of worth.
Limit social comparison
There’s no denying that our
society is set up to provoke
comparison. With social
media and influencer culture
constantly presenting us with a
curated feed of highly-stylised
content that sits in stark contrast
to our own imperfect day-to-day
reality, we’re often compelled
to compare ourselves to these
idealised versions of life.
If you regularly compare
yourself to others online, it
may be worth minimising the
opportunities you have to engage
in this. Set yourself a limit on how
much time you spend on social
media, and unfollow people who
make you feel negatively about
yourself. Fill your feed with
content that doesn’t centre on
physical appearance, and remind
yourself that there is always more
to what we see on the internet
than meets the eye.
Focus on self-care
With every industry, from
wellness and beauty to
stationery and home decor,
adopting the capitalist
command to ‘treat yourself,’
self-care has become a bit of
a buzzword to market living
luxuriously. However, engaging
in self-care is about so much
more than bubble baths, and
building a ‘hygge’ home.
When we pledge to
care for ourselves,
we are not only
preserving our
wellbeing. We
are engaging in
a powerful act of
resistance
In her book, A Burst of Light,
poet and activist Audre Lorde
wrote: “Caring for myself
is not self-indulgence, it is
self-preservation, and that is
an act of political warfare.”
Confronting issues relating
to civil rights, disability, and
explorations of black queer
female identity through her
work, Lorde spoke of periods
of rest and respite as integral to
survival in the face of adversity
and injustice.
 relationships

Body ideals are undeniably

political. They’re entrenched in
wider structures of oppression
and discrimination, intent on
keeping marginalised identities
small, silent, and subordinate.
When we abandon the cycle
of shame and self-punishment
that arises from appearance-
contingent self-worth, and
pledge to care for ourselves,
we are not only preserving our
wellbeing, we are engaging in
an act of resistance.

Practise self-compassion
After a lifetime of being taught
that our appearance determines
our worth, it can be difficult to
unlearn this belief. We are, after
all, shaped by the culture we
live within, and rejecting this
tyranny of aesthetics can feel
like a total worldview overhaul.
If you find yourself struggling
not to let how you feel about
your appearance dictate how
you feel about yourself from
time to time, don’t beat yourself
up for it. Show compassion, you
are doing your best.
Not every moment will be
filled with an abundance of
unadulterated self-love. But
every second you strive to
know your worth beyond your
appearance is a triumph that is
worthy of celebration.

Maxine Ali is a health and science

writer, and linguist specialising in
body talk and body image. Follow
Maxine @maxineali or visit
maxineali.com

happiful.com | January 2022 | 19

 Five ways to
share your skills
Spread knowledge and hone your craft with these skill-sharing tips
Writing | Caroline Butterwick Illustration | Rosan Magar
W
hether you’re a Sharing my creative skills as a
pro at poetry, writer has been a great chance
knowledgeable for me to connect with others,
about technology, develop my craft, and harness a
or love getting creative in the sense of fulfilment in getting to
kitchen, we all have skills we take talk about something that matters
pride in. But why not take these to me. It’s also a chance for us to
beyond our own enjoyment, further develop, too; sharing your
and share them with skills is a great way to dedicate
others? more time to your passion, and
reflect on the areas you want to
build on.
Here, we explore five ways you
can share your skills with others.
‘:{c:”}
1. DO A SKILLS SWAP
A skills swap involves giving
someone your help and then
being able to get support from
them in return. Perhaps you
have a friend who works as a
careers advisor and could help
you freshen up your CV. In
return, you could share your
skill – showing them how to grow
herbs, or designing a website for
their side hustle, for example.
There are also skill swap
groups across the country, where
communities pool together to
share their time and skills with
each other. If you help someone
with their book-keeping for an
hour, you then have an hour’s
credit you can use to get support
from someone else for something
you’d like help with – anything
from learning to put up shelves
to baking the perfect soufflé.
Websites like Timebanking UK
(timebanking.org) are great for
finding a group.

2. JOIN OR START A
COMMUNITY GROUP
Joining a writers’ group as a
teenager was a way for me
to develop my writing skills,
and connect with like-minded
people. Groups like this often
provide mutual feedback, where
you all give each other advice
and encouragement. Search
engines and social media are
great for finding out about
groups related to your interest.
Maybe your friends admire
your crochet skills. Why not
invite them round and have a go
at it together? You could take it
in turns hosting, so each person
shares a different skill each
time you get together.
3. START A BLOG OR VLOG
When we want to learn about
something new, chances are
we head to Google and search
for websites or videos about
the topic. If you enjoy writing,
try setting up a website or blog
where you share guidance about
your skill. Or if films are more
your thing, how about a video-
blog (a ‘vlog’)? Social media is
also a great way of both sharing
your interests, and connecting
with others. Could you use
Instagram to document your
painting process?
These are all ways of sharing
your knowledge with other
people, and can also be fantastic
for meeting others with similar
interests, and becoming part
of an online community. I
enjoy connecting with the
#WritingCommunity on Twitter
as a way of learning from others,
and sharing my ideas.
A skills swap
involves giving
someone your
help, and then
being able to get
support from
them in return
4. VOLUNTEER YOUR SKILLS
Charities often value having
volunteers to teach their clients
a new skill, or support their
existing work. A mental health
day centre or local refugee
support charity might appreciate
someone helping with an
arts session, or a community
kitchen could make use of your
particular culinary skills.
Websites like
volunteeringmatters.org.uk are a
good place to find opportunities.
If you have somewhere specific
in mind, it’s worth getting in
touch directly with them to see if
there’s any way you can offer up
your time and skills.
Volunteering like this is, of
course, a great way to help
others. It can also be good
experience if you’re looking to
get paid work sharing your skills
later down the line.
words of wisdom
5. LOOK AT TEACHING
Community teaching is a
wonderful way to share your
skill. It’s also a chance to make
an income from your passion.
I found leading writing
workshops really rewarding.
I reached out to local arts
organisations that I knew ran
community creative workshops,
to ask whether they would
be interested in me running
a session as a writer. Seeing
participants enjoy the writing
activities and grow in confidence
was a wonderful feeling. It was
also nice to meet the other artists
involved in the group.
Search online to find
organisations near you that
might look to use freelance
facilitators. Organisations like
the WEA (wea.org.uk) often
recruit people to teach their
adult learning courses.
If you’re keen on the idea
of teaching, it can be worth
getting a qualification, such
as the Award in Education
and Training. This can help
you further develop your
teaching skills, and potentially
make it easier to apply for
opportunities. Whether at a
community hub or a classroom,
teaching is a satisfying way of
sharing your skills, and helping
others.
Caroline Butterwick writes on
mental health and wellbeing.
Visit carolinebutterwick.com,
and follow her on Twitter
@CButterwick.
happiful.com | January 2022 | 21
 In the midst of winter,
I found there was, within
me, an invincible summer
ALBERT CAMUS

Photography | Nick Linnen

22 | January 2022 | happiful.com

 @GRACEFVICTORY

The girl who lived...

A year ago, our incredible columnist
Grace Victory began her maternity
leave – but no one could ever have
predicted the chain of events that
would unfold. With raw honesty, Grace
shares the traumatic journey she’s
been through, after catching Covid-19
late in her pregnancy, and being put
in an induced coma. Now, she’s back,
with her baby boy, recovering and
discovering ‘normal life’ again – and
she intends to live every moment

I
t’s 22:32 on a Sunday night
in November, and I can’t
sleep. Maybe it’s that weird
‘night before the week begins
anxiety’, or the day three ‘period
insomnia’, or just the fact I’ve
got so many thoughts whizzing
around in my head. Probably a
combination of them all.
So here we are, it’s me, it’s Grace.
And it’s been a whole 12 months
since you’ve heard from me.
Last year I was blessed enough
to become pregnant, so of
course I planned maternity
leave (something I was so wanted to nest, rest, and enjoy the festive period, a staycation for
looking forward to because the spending quality time with my a few nights, pregnancy massages,
excitement for my baby to arrive partner before our bundle of joy and days, possibly weeks, away
was real). I had it all planned. I arrived. Cheese and crackers over from my phone. Yes, yes…yes! >>>

happiful.com | January 2022 | 23

 And then, shit hit the fan.
And I mean really hit the fan. If
there were a description in the
dictionary of what “shit hitting
the fan” looks like, this was it.
I caught Covid. My baby boy
needed to be delivered at 33
weeks, and my breathing needed
so much support, the safest option
was to be placed in an induced
coma and eventually a trache (a
tube directly into my lungs).
I obviously don’t remember
much during this time, but
waking up in the ICU nearly three
months later, not being able to
speak, or move, or do anything at
all, was single-handedly the most
horrific time of my life. Although
I wasn’t particularly frightened
of the physical recovery, the pain
of being away from my baby boy
and partner will remain etched
on my heart forever.
It was hell.
Mentally and physically,
things were bad. I had constant
nightmares and hallucinations,
which caused crippling
confusion. I had such a high
temperature and fever, my
insides felt like they were on
fire. Then, of course, came the
horrific realisation that I couldn’t
24 | January 2022 | happiful.com
and wouldn’t see my baby for
a while. I couldn’t hold him,
breastfeed or, in my mind, just
be his mum.
For any mother, being away
from your baby (especially your
newborn) is just unimaginable,
but for me and so many other
Covid mummy survivors, it was
our reality. Hell was on earth,
and we were living it.
I’ve told parts of this story
already, and you may have
read interviews or followed my
recovery on Instagram, but I
wanted to write about it in my
safe space, which is Happiful.
Here, I don’t really have to
pretend or beautify how I feel.
I simply just write it, and the
wonderful team behind the
scenes at the mag supports me.
I think it’s important for me to
have my say, so I guess this is it.
Christmas Eve I had my baby
boy. On Boxing Day 2020, I
was put into a coma, and what
followed after, up until May
2021, was: multiple organ
failure; a clot on my lung;
pneumonia; cardiac arrest; a
tracheostomy; seeing my baby
for the first time; learning to
walk again; experiencing life
Although I wasn’t particularly
frightened of the physical
recovery, the pain of being
away from my baby boy and
partner will remain etched on
my heart forever
again and re-discovering who I
am (which is ongoing).
Going through something so
traumatic is life-altering, and
I will never be the same again.
The physical scars are a constant
reminder of what I went through,
but the mental scars are the ones
I struggle with the most.
The flashbacks. The shock. The
grief. I know humans are capable
of empathy, but if you’ve not gone
through this type of medical and
birth trauma, it’s really quite hard
to understand the magnitude
of such an experience, and the
effect it can have on someone.
Then there’s the shame and
guilt, and the ‘Why me?’ I’m not
one to stand in my victimhood,
but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t
feel sorry for myself at times. I
wondered how this happened.

Photography | Alex Cameron
Why couldn’t I just remain
healthy? Why couldn’t I keep my
baby safe and full-term? Why did
I go outside? Am I a bad mum
for not being able to breastfeed?
These are a few examples of
the questions and thoughts that
would enter my mind.
There were often moments of
sheer hysteria, disassociation,
and rage, too. Many days
(often nights) I’d be in distress,
convincing myself I’d die or
remain in hospital forever, or that
Cyprus (my baby boy) would not
know who I was. Although all of
these feelings and emotions are
normal for what I’d gone through,
I really battled with my mind
every single day I was away
from my boys. I just wanted
them. I wanted to sniff them,
hug them, kiss them, love them.
But I couldn’t. Instead I was
watching my baby boy through
FaceTime, and having to pee in
a tube, and poop in an adult-
sized nappy – it’s OK, you’re
allowed to laugh at that part.
I was discharged on 7 May
2021 – four months and 17 days
after I was initially admitted
to hospital. After a month in
rehab, I was finally allowed
home to integrate back into life
and society. I literally had to
@GRACEFVICTORY
learn everything again – from
climbing the stairs to making a
drink. The very simple things
we often take for granted,
suddenly felt like a mountain
to me.
But I did it. I bloody did it.
And now, six months after
leaving hospital, I am on my
way to making a full recovery,
and thankfully living a ‘normal’
life. I put Cyprus to sleep every
night, and I see his smile, and
he sees mine, every morning.
I make vanilla iced oat lattes,
listen to the birds chirp, and
watch way too many episodes of
Virgin River in one sitting. I now
get to make my own bed, kiss
my partner’s forehead, and eat
Chinese food on a Friday night.
I’m alive.
I’m the girl who lived, and I
hope when I’m 80 I get to look
back on my life and also be the
girl who really lived.
Love
Grace x
happiful.com | January 2022 | 25
 Spoken
word
How to utilise the power of poetry to benefit your wellbeing
T
he healing power of
words has long been
understood, with
journaling and creative
writing often go-to activities to help
us process emotions, and express
ourselves. But they aren’t the only
creative outlets we could explore…
The idea of writing a poem might
feel intimidating initially – do you
need to follow a certain structure,
does it need to have a set rhythm,
or do you need to have swallowed
a thesaurus to be a ‘proper’ poet?
The truth is: absolutely not.
While there are ‘types’ of poem
that offer structure if that’s helpful
to you, to serve as a guide, the
reality is that poetry doesn’t have
to follow a set of rules – it’s much
more about conveying a feeling,
and that opens up a lot of creative
freedom for us to explore.
How can poetry help
your wellbeing?
As with any creative outlet, poetry
provides a means to express
difficult emotions, particularly
those you might find tricky to say
out loud. The beauty of using a
form such as a poem to detail this,
is that your rhythm, pace, where
26 | January 2022 | happiful.com
Writing | Rebecca Thair
you break a line etc, can all play
a part in building that feeling,
helping to explain it without
always using words themselves.
There have even been
‘poemtherapy’ groups over the
years, started initially by poet
and pharmacist Eli Griefer, with
the support of two psychiatrists,
back in 1928. And since then,
the practice of writing poetry
has often been used as part of
therapy treatments, helping
individuals with self-reflection,
and building self-awareness.
As well as emotions, poetry
can also help you to explore,
and make sense of, challenging
circumstances and events, writing
about them in expressive forms,
or from differing perspectives.
There have even been reports that
poetry therapy can be beneficial
in the treatment of depression,
as it helps to improve self-esteem
and self-understanding.
Ready to give it a go?
If you’re keen to try writing
poetry as a form of creative
expression, here are a few
techniques and tips to help you
get started...
1. Allow yourself to be completely
free – go into this with no
inhibitions or judgement, or
second guessing. This needs
to be truly expressive, so focus
less on fitting a rigid structure
or rhythm, and instead say
what you feel, as naturally as it
comes. This will be more raw
and honest, and you can always
hone a piece later on if you
wish.
2. Utilising metaphors can help
to express emotions or events,
and get people to understand
your perspective and experience
from a new angle. It’s a handy
tool to make an individual
feeling more universally
recognisable.
3. As a prompt, you could try to
write about a recent conflict,
or difficult situation. You could
do this initially from your own
recollection, and then try again
from the perspective of the
other individual involved. This
may help you to gain a greater
understanding of what has
transpired, and perhaps even
find some closure.

Poetry therapy can be beneficial in the treatment
of depression, as it helps to improve self-esteem
and self-understanding
Read on…
If you’re looking to dive into
poetry about mental health
further, the following verses
might inspire or resonate
with you:
positive pointers
4. If you’re worried about writing
things down, or feel intimidated
by a blank page, you could use
voice notes on your phone,
allowing you to speak aloud
your thoughts, as a stream of
consciousness. This method
means the initial ideas can
flow, without second-guessing
yourself – and then could
prompt a written piece when
you’re ready.
5. You could explore mindful
poetry by focusing on the
moment at hand, and all your
senses. What are you feeling at
this very moment? What’s going
on around you that you can
hear, see, smell, taste, or touch?
6. Take inspiration from poets
you admire – watching videos
to hear their words spoken out
loud, or reading widely – to
spark creative ideas on how you
could approach poems. Perhaps
you want to recreate a subject
they’ve covered, but from
your own experience, or try a
rhythm they followed. The idea
is to find something that helps
your creativity to flow.
• ‘OCD’ by Neil Hilborn
• ‘Tulips’ by Sylvia Plath
• ‘I Wandered Lonely as a
Cloud’ by William Wordsworth
• ‘The Road Not Taken’
by Robert Frost
happiful.com | January 2022 | 27
 A new age
Where do our fears of growing older come from,
and what can we do when we reach a new life
stage, and feel a sense of disorientation?
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler Illustrating | Rosan Magar
B
y the year 2050, the UN
estimates that one in six
people in the world will
be over 65 years old, and
nearly half a billion will be older
than 80. This estimation brings
up numerous questions about
social care and public health, but
another aspect of getting older
is the role it plays in our culture,
and our personal relationships
with reaching new life stages.
A study conducted by Orb
Media found that people who
have a positive attitude towards
getting older have better mental
health and, incredibly, actually
live longer. But despite the fact
that ageing is one of the most
natural parts of life, in a culture
that fears it, it’s very easy to see
how that ‘positive attitude’ is
easier said than done. And, as
we hit milestones in our lives,
and take a look around us at the
28 | January 2022 | happiful.com
other people who are doing the
same thing, that process can
be somewhat destabilising, as
we try to work out who we are
in relation to the sturdy rules
we have in place about growing
older, and the things that we
believe we really ‘should have
done by now’.
So, how can we foster a better
relationship with ageing, and
what can we do if we find
ourselves feeling unsettled as we
hit a new stage in our lives?
Fear of the unknown
“The fear of the unknown is
a key element in the ageing
process. This might be fears
of failing health, financial
and employment challenges,
changing relationship dynamics,
and, of course, fear of death,”
says life coach Carol Pearson.
“Not having achieved things
It’s much healthier
and more rewarding
to allow your lifestyle
to evolve, and to
incorporate optimism
and dreams
we wanted to, and feeling less
relevant in a youth-oriented
world, may also make us feel less
optimistic about the future.”
In the media, older people – in
particular, older women – are
less visible, which the charitable
foundation, The Centre of Ageing
Better, highlighted this in their
report ‘Exploring representations
of old age and ageing’, looking at
how, when they are represented,
they are often shown as the
‘perfect grandparent’, or as part of
examples of either ‘good’ or ‘bad’
ageing.
Of course, there are exceptions
– Netflix’s Grace and Frankie, and
Richard Osman’s The Thursday
Murder Club often being heralded
as a refreshing look at later life –
but we’re a long way from perfect,
and these unhelpful messages
sink in, whether we’re aware of it
or not.

Acting your age

As Fiona Dalziel – an intuitive
holistic therapist – knows well,
this fear of ageing can creep up on
us, and wax and wane throughout
our lives.
“Looking back, in my 20s and
30s, I remember always wanting to
be younger, look younger, and feel
younger, and would do everything
I could to do this,” she explains. >>>

happiful.com | January 2022 | 29

 In her late 30s, Fiona began to
experience severe anxiety, which
led to a breakdown, and her exit
from a corporate career. With
the help of a counsellor, and a
lot of soul searching, she spent
time considering what was really
important to her.
But it wasn’t just growing up and
hitting her own milestones, but
her daughter’s, too, which brought
on new emotions.
“When our daughter left home,
she didn’t just move house, she
moved to Italy! It had a huge impact
on me at the time – I would stand
in her room and cry every day for
weeks. Her leaving left quite a gap
in our lives, but we found that life
after children really does exist, and
being ‘home alone’ does have
many benefits.”
Rather than forcing these
kinds of emotions down over
the years, Fiona started to
take stock of the qualities and
values that were important to
her, working on herself as she
moved through middle age.
“I felt a real need to embrace
that woman, the real me. My 40th
year was one big party, it was the
greatest decade of my life until
I reached my 50s! I embrace my
age completely now – that doesn’t
mean that I want to be old – I am
just entirely comfortable with it.”
On time
In a similar way to Fiona, Michael
Facherty also experienced a
destabilising knock earlier in life,
and the quarter-life mark.
“When I turned 25, I struggled
to accept it. A quarter of a century
seemed such a long time,” he said.
“Never again have I felt like that.
30 | January 2022 | happiful.com
None of the big birthdays have
caused any bad feelings – 30
through to 70 are all fine so far.”
So what is it that brings up these
feelings in our 20s and 30s?
“In the first half of life, we
tend to focus on achievement,
acquiring knowledge through
education and experiences, and
financial resources through
employment,” Carol explains.
6 7
“The second half of life is the
time to fully embrace who we
are. For many, ageing brings the
benefits of more self-reflection,
acceptance, greater emotional
regulation, empathy, and a sense
of calm.
“As we get older, it’s likely
we have developed greater
perspective, anticipate
problems, and can reason things
out. Gratitude and wisdom take
over from ego and ambition.”
Fiona Daziel
Michael Facherty
For Michael, retirement
gave him a new lease
on life. And since then,
he’s published three
children’s books, become
a live storyteller, portrays
Father Christmas, and
finds unbridled pleasure in
spending time with his first
grandchild.
“The greatest day so far, for me
is 21 June 1975, when I married
the love of my life. I suppose,
my one concern with growing
older is that it leaves less time
for us to be together,” he says.
When asked how he would
describe the relationship he has
Fiona | Aga Mortlock Photography
with himself at this stage of his
life, Michael says: “Well, I really
like me. Though I sometimes get
cross with bits of me that ache,
or aren’t as strong as they once
were – we have a thing to clamp
on to bottle and jar lids, to make
it easier to get them off.”
 What is it that makes ageing hard?
Life coach Carol Pearson shares four factors:
The physical and psychological ageing
process. It can be difficult to come to terms
with the loss of youthfulness, and embrace
the ageing process with its wrinkles, grey hair,
and other physical changes. This is especially
significant if we work in industries and
environments which place emphasis on this, or
if we have linked our self-worth to our physical
appearance. Instead, we can try to appreciate
the qualities that maturity and wisdom bring,
and manage ageing in a healthy and positive
way, increasing focus and commitment to our
wellbeing, vitality, and longevity.
Disorientation. Children leaving home,
health issues, divorce, redundancy, etc. – this
disorientation is a natural part of the transition
period, as we develop our new identity,
priorities, and direction.
Disappointment at not having achieved
goals. As we age, it’s natural to take stock
of our life journey, and this may bring
sadness if we haven’t achieved key goals,
or if we realise that we no longer find them
meaningful. We may be left feeling bored,
restless, discontented, and disillusioned. At
this time, we can try to accept where we
are, acknowledge and be grateful for what
we have achieved, and develop new goals
in line with our current values and interests.
Clinging to the past. It can be easy, yet
futile, to cling to habits and perspectives
of our past, and think about how things
used to be. It’s much healthier, and more
rewarding, to allow your lifestyle to evolve,
and to incorporate optimism and dreams. It
is possible to explore and grow in new ways,
to acquire new skills, knowledge, wisdom,
and experience.

Having grey hair into a sense of confidence and

and enjoying being
in my 50s doesn’t
make me old,
it makes me free
Age-old wisdom
For some final words of advice,
Carol suggests cultivating a
‘growth mindset’, one which
means that you’re constantly
trying new things and developing
your skills, everything from
hobbies to self-knowledge.
With this comes greater self-
awareness, where we can really
understand ourselves and tap
acceptance.
“In recent years I have become
really comfortable with who I
am – I love me! I am open and
honest, I embrace my age, I am
learning new things, and I am
growing,” Fiona says. “Having
grey hair and enjoying being in
my 50s doesn’t make me old, it
makes me free – free to be me.”
It could be at 23 or 83, but it’s
clear that destabilising moments,
where we’re confronted by the
inevitability of growing older,
touch all of our lives. And though
unpleasant, they prompt an
opportunity to self-reflect, to
assess the relationship we have
with ourselves, and to scrutinise
cultural pressures that may be
the culprit behind those feelings.
Ultimately, we can then choose
to turn our backs on the things
telling us who we are and what
we should be doing, and forge
our own paths towards a happy
and contented future.
Carol Pearson is a leadership and
life coach. Find out more by visiting
lifecoach-directory.org.uk

happiful.com | January 2022 | 31

 Your ultimate
bedtime routine
A simple five-step guide to
create healthy night-time habits,
and set you up for slumber
Writing | Rebecca Thair
FORWARD THINKING
Set aside 20 minutes to prep for
the next day, meaning you can
go to bed with a clear head, and
rise in the morning ready for the
day. It could be picking out your
clothes, doing the washing up,
gathering the essentials (keys,
wallet, anything for work), or
getting out your gym gear. When
your home is clear of clutter, and
you don’t have to rush around
first thing, you can start with a
better mindset and save your
time and energy for the bigger
decisions and activities.
WIND DOWN
Consider your evening rituals –
not just the time you’re getting
ready for bed, but the build up in
the hours before. Avoid caffeine
six hours before you plan to sleep,
and consider shaking up the
evening Netflix marathons. Try
to stay away from blue light with
electronic devices by listening
to a podcast, doing a jigsaw, or
taking up a creative hobby such as
writing, drawing, or crochet.
32 | January 2022 | happiful.com
SET THE SCENE
Keep in mind all the senses
when creating the perfect
atmosphere for your bedroom.
Ensure you have good curtains
or blinds to block out light, and
use lamps, or even candles to
create a soothing space that’s
not too bright. You could use
wax melts to release a relaxing
aroma, or try an aromatherapy
diffuser. For sound, ask: what
calms you? Perhaps it’s a sleep
story, a guided meditation,
or the gentle sound of water.
Having a glass of milk
encourages sleep, as it contains
tryptophan, or you could have a
few nuts or a banana. Plus, one
of the simplest things you can
do is put on a clean set of sheets
– there’s truly no better feeling.
REFLECT
Making specific time to process
your day, especially to consider
your achievements – every
small win – and the things you
are grateful for, can help to set
you up for a peaceful night.
Can’t sleep?
If you’re struggling to switch off, try
to avoid lying there stressing about
it. Instead, distract your mind with a
relaxing activity or change of scene
– you could sit elsewhere to read
for a bit, or listen to an audiobook.
Gratitude journaling in particular
has been proven to reduce stress,
boost your mood, and improve
self-esteem.
TIME TO RELAX
Once you’re settled in bed and are
ready to snooze, try to let go of all
the extraneous thoughts running
around your head. Instead, try
a full body scan, where you
focus on every part of your body,
starting at the top of your head.
Think about how each aspect
feels – each arm, leg, your chest,
your shoulders. Is there any
tension, pressure, lightness, any
other sensations? Take slow, deep
breaths, and try to release any
tension you feel.

When psychosis
first strikes...
Prompt action aids recovery – so here’s how to spot the early
signs of this distressing condition, and where to go for help
A
round 80% of people
who experience
psychosis for the first
time are aged between
16 and 30 years old. These years
are pivotal for a lot of us and,
although psychotic symptoms
don’t make you any less capable
of success than others, for some
it can make the journey a little
more difficult. Psychosis, in a
nutshell, is where someone’s
reality is different to the rest of
the population.
I know what you’re thinking,
and sure, we all have different
beliefs. But when these beliefs
start to have a negative impact
on our lives it can be distressing.
Thankfully, lots of research
over the years has proven that
you can recover from psychosis
and, just as with physical health
conditions, the earlier we spot the
Writing | Kayleigh Rose McManus
signs, the faster we can recover.
So, what are the first signs of
psychosis?
The initial signs of a possible
emerging psychosis are called
‘early warning signs’. By
recognising these, we are able
to seek support early in order
to prevent an acute psychotic
episode. The pattern of early
warning signs is different for
everyone, however there are
some common themes.
A sense that something odd is
happening, but finding it hard
to explain.
Some people describe feeling
‘different’ but not quite being
able to put their finger on why.
It could be that they think
they’ve changed, people around
them have changed, or there is
something unusual about the
wellbeing
whole world. This can range from
a general feeling of unease to
more specific thoughts; perhaps
that you’re receiving personal
subliminal messages from the TV
or other media. You might not be
convinced by these ideas initially,
however the timeline of when
they started could be a good
indicator of when your mental
health began to change.
Suspicion of others.
Suspiciousness is often described
as the distrust of others, which
is a natural reaction we have
when we are trying to protect
ourselves from being hurt
(physically or emotionally). We
all slide up and down a trust
continuum, depending on our
life experiences and personality
types. At one end of the scale
is having absolutely no worries >>>
happiful.com | January 2022 | 33

Every single one of us
will have experienced
a symptom that can be
associated with psychosis,
and if we haven’t, we almost
certainly will at some point
34 | January 2022 | happiful.com
about someone’s intentions,
and at the other end, feeling
extremely uncomfortable
and doubtful. We want to stay
somewhere in the middle. If you
notice you are becoming more
suspicious of others, this could be
an early warning sign.
Unusual sensory experiences.
Our senses can play tricks on
us and make us see, hear, taste,
smell, or feel something that
others cannot – sometimes
known as hallucinations. It’s
very likely that every one of us
will experience a hallucination
during our lifetime. Sometimes
they are signs that we need to
change-up our lifestyle, such
as getting more sleep, reducing
stress, or drinking more water.
Hallucinations aren’t necessarily
indicative of psychosis and,
remember that even if they
are, they won’t necessarily last
forever.
If you are experiencing unusual
sensory experiences that other
people aren’t, and they are
making everyday tasks difficult
or causing you distress, you may
want to speak to a professional
about this. They will ask you
specific details about these
experiences, such as how long
they last for and how often
they’re present, and explore
whether you have any other ideas

as to why these experiences
are happening. Usually, with
psychosis, hallucinations
become part of your reality.
Some people live their entire
lives with hallucinations, either
becoming part of their norm,
or providing comfort and
reassurance throughout the
day. When this is the case, some
people may choose to decline
interventions that are likely to
reduce these experiences.
Finding it hard to do the
things you used to.
It’s important to remember that
these symptoms affect people in
different ways. For some, their
life goes unchanged and they
accept these experiences as part
of them – and who are we to say
that this is ‘unusual’? For others,
these experiences can change
their way of life. If they’re
frightened, they may become
socially isolated and find it hard
to concentrate on anything
else. If they’re preoccupied in
this way, they may not value
things that were previously
important to them – such as
their job, family, hobbies, or
personal-care. It’s hard to know
how much your mental health
is impacting your life, but by
asking yourself these three
simple questions, it will help to
identify any changes...
• Is there anything I no longer
do, but wish I could?
• What would my perfect life
look like?
• What am I doing to work
towards this?
If you aren’t yet achieving or
working towards your goals,
explore what the barriers to this
are. If a barrier is mental health
symptoms, it may be time to seek
professional support.
Seeking support
One or more of these experiences
could be an early warning
sign or symptom of first-
episode psychosis. Similarly,
these experiences can also
be otherwise explained. It’s
important not to jump to
conclusions, however getting a
professional opinion could be
useful. After all, if you choose
to accept treatment, it is always
more effective when you spot the
signs quickly.
When we think ‘treatment’
we often jump to hospitals and
medication, but this outdated
assumption is no longer the go-
to. Psychiatric hospitals do exist,
but are only used to help people
urgently when they are most
in need. Similarly, medication
isn’t always first-choice either
(although they are available and
can be effective). We now have
wellbeing
lots of different evidence-based
interventions to offer people
experiencing psychosis for the
first time, including different
forms of therapy (such as
cognitive behavioural therapy),
and education about these
symptoms to develop a plan.
Whether you’re worried or
just curious, talking about these
experiences is nothing to be
ashamed of. Every single one
of us will have experienced a
symptom that can be associated
with psychosis. Opening up the
conversation about psychosis
will allow everyone to notice
that we’re not all that different.
After all, we all have our own
realities, so whose is the right
one anyway?
If anything in this article has
made you question whether you
are experiencing early warning
signs of psychosis and you
want help with this, your GP
will be able to discuss options
with you. Now, in the UK, NHS
England have implemented
Early Intervention in Psychosis
(EIP) teams to prevent and treat
psychosis quickly and effectively.
You can find self-referral details
for your local EIP team online,
or via your GP. If you’d prefer
to have a confidential chat, you
can also contact mental health
support lines, including those
detailed on p7.
happiful.com | January 2022 | 35
 How to cut your
carbon footprint
We’re helping you find your feet when it comes to going
green, with these simple ways to reduce your carbon footprint
U
ndoubtedly there’s
been a lot of talk about
climate change recently,
from the COP26 summit
to activists like Greta Thunberg
taking to the streets to protest,
and demanding the leaders of
the world commit to action.
Hearing about climate change
might prompt eco-anxiety, or
worry that you don’t know what
you can do to help. It might feel
like this insurmountable problem,
but the good news is that we all
can make a difference. Every small
action adds up. And one place to
start is by taking proactive steps to
reduce your carbon footprint.
What is a carbon footprint?
Put simply, your carbon footprint
is the total amount of greenhouse
gases (e.g. carbon dioxide, and
methane) your actions and
lifestyle produces – including
things such as fuel consumption,
the food you eat, and the energy
used in your household.
36 | January 2022 | happiful.com
Writing | Rebecca Thair
And while there are so many
things that need to change on a
global scale, and big businesses
that need to be held accountable,
your personal carbon footprint
is something that you can have
direct control over.
The UK government says the
average person in the UK has
a carbon footprint of 6 tonnes
of CO2 equivalent per year, but
other reports argue that this is
an understatement, and the true
figure could be 10 tonnes (or
more)! To put that into context,
just 1 tonne of CO2 is equivalent
to a petrol car driving about
10,000km in six months, and
it would take roughly 50 trees
growing for a year to remove that
CO2 from the air.
By 2050, the UK government has
set a goal of reaching net zero
emissions, but we have a long
way to go. While averages serve
as a guide, you can calculate your
individual carbon footprint for
a more accurate measurement
on sites like carbonfootprint.com,
and check back in after making
changes to see your impact.
Why does it all matter?
If you’re wondering why we’re
doing this, it’s because we, as a
collective of people living on this
planet, need to protect it from
rising global temperatures –
which would have a devastating
impact on ecosystems, risk
deadly heat waves, lead to
increased deforestation, rising
sea levels, and could result in
food shortages, among other
consequences. Estimates say
that everyone on Earth will need
to aim for an average annual
carbon footprint of 1.87 tonnes
by 2050.
It’s scary stuff, yes, but the good
news is we all have the power to
do something about it; starting
today, we can make choices to
reduce our personal footprint, to
play our part in protecting our
planet.

What can I do to reduce my carbon footprint?
Food
The further up the food chain we
go, the more carbon that goes
into the meal – the agriculture
emissions of growing plants, to
feed animals, to feed humans.
Estimates state that a vegan diet
could reduce your footprint by
0.8 tonnes per year, and if you’re
not sure you could completely
Conscious consumerism
Speaking of reducing waste, this
applies to your wardrobe, too.
Avoid fast fashion, and instead
focus on responsibly sourced
pieces, and quality items that will
last longer. You could buy more
from charity shops to give pre-
loved items a new lease of life,
or rent clothes for events, rather
than purchasing for one-off
occasions.
Another good idea is to look
up sewing tutorials online to
try repairing pieces rather than
discarding them – especially
when there are clothes that might
mean something to you, hold
special memories, or just make
you feel amazing.
change your diet, there are still
options such as having ‘meat-
free’ days, or flexitarianism.
Trying to eat local and seasonal
produce is another big way to
save on emissions, as it reduces
transportation. And another
simple thing is to only buy what
you need, to avoid waste.
Household
When we spend so much of our
time at home, it’s no wonder our
energy usage can skyrocket here.
Simple habits can make a big
difference though; for example,
make sure you don’t leave the
tap running when brushing your
teeth and doing the dishes, and
try to cut down on the length of
your showers. Try to have more
energy-efficient appliances, and
positive pointers
Transport
This is probably the biggest
area we can make an individual
difference. Lockdowns have
made most of us rethink about
journeys, and what we need to get
around. Perhaps you’re working
from home more, and could
share a family car, or use public
transport instead? Reports say
that going car-free could reduce
your footprint by 2.04 tonnes
per year, and even going electric
could save 1.95 tonnes.
For those who do need their
vehicles, you can still try to group
trips together, so if you’ve got
errands to run, try to do them at
the same time.
turn off plug sockets when not in
use – that phone charger doesn’t
need to be on 24/7.
You could also turn your heating
down by just one degree, or try
to limit how often you even have
the heating on, by keeping toasty
with extra layers. Using renewable
energy is also a key step, so take a
look online and see what options
are out there.
happiful.com | January 2022 | 37
 Progressive
muscle relaxation
Follow this step-by-step guide to promote calm and serenity

T
he aim is to systematically tense and
relax the various muscle groups around
your body, to promote relaxation, and
enable you to easily distinguish how
stress and anxiety manifest physically. When you
know what tension feels like in the body, you can
regain control, and use this exercise to prompt a
release in your muscles.
Start by finding a quiet space, free from
distractions and disturbances. You may want to
lie down, or sit in a comfortable position, and
breathe deeply for a few moments.

Step one: tense Step two: relax Step three: repeat

Start by focusing on one Gradually release the Do this simple

muscle group, and try to
isolate this. Squeeze those
muscles for 15 seconds,
really noticing them tense
up and recognising how
this feels. For example, if
you’re starting with your
hands and arms, you
could ball up your hands
into fists in front of you
and squeeze tightly.
tension in that particular exercise on each
muscle area over 30 muscle group around
seconds. Be present, the body, focusing
and focus on how the on the feeling in
muscles feel as the those areas and
tension lifts and you how tension presents
begin to relax. Try to be there – as well as
aware of how different how it feels as the
the muscle feels when tension melts away
fully tensed versus and your muscles are
fully relaxed. completely at ease.

If you notice tension arising at points throughout your day, why

not try this exercise to regain control and infuse some calm?

Muscle groups • Arms and hands

• Forehead • Buttocks
• Jaw • Legs
• Neck and shoulders • Feet
 When does worrying
about our health
become a problem?
We’re thinking about our health more than
ever, but there comes a point when this in itself
can become a health problem
Writing | Kat Nicholls
O
ver the past couple
of years, the topic of
health has become
front and centre in
our minds. As the Coronavirus
pandemic spread, so, of course,
did our fear. This is natural –
there are very few of us who
can be unfazed by a virus of this
scale. As awareness and media
coverage increased, more of us
began worrying about our health.
What does this headache mean?
Is that a new continuous cough,
or is it allergies? Does that chest
pain mean something, or is it
anxiety?
Wearing a mask, regular
handwashing, testing ourselves,
and checking symptoms have
all become part of our routine.
Moving around our day-to-day
lives with a sense of low-level
anxiety feels almost normal
now. So, at what point does this
natural worrying instinct become
something more problematic?
Health anxiety is what I’m
alluding to here, a term more
of us are becoming familiar
with. Previously known as
‘hypochondria’, this form
of anxiety is when we are
persistently worried about our
health,
to the point
where it interferes
with day-to-day life – and this
is the distinction we should be
aware of. Psychotherapist Michael
Swift tells us it is completely
normal for us to worry about
our health, and Google the odd
symptom here and there.
“The signs that this worry is
becoming increasingly difficult
to manage is when thoughts,
emotions, behaviours, or physical
sensations interrupt day-to-day
life, and stop you from doing
what you want to do,” he explains. >>>
happiful.com | January 2022 | 39
 “Many of the people I work with
often feel unable to go to work,
spend time with their children,
or enjoy social gatherings due to
the fear of developing a severe
health condition. For others, they
may be spending an excessive
amount of time Googling their
symptoms, or visiting their GP, to
rule out the possibility of illness.
When we see this transition from
manageable worry to intense
anxiety that interrupts your
normal routine, it may be time to
seek some further support.”
For Maddie Ace, content creator
at She Be Red, a family holiday
that saw her entire family fall
ill triggered the start of her
health anxiety. “I remember
just automatically going into
protector mode when those
around me didn’t seem able to
handle the situation, and that
feeling never went away.”
This led to obsessive and
compulsive behaviours,
that eventually resulted in a
breakdown.
“I don’t think I was super
conscious of it until it vehemently
started to take control of my
everyday behaviour,” Maddie
says. “Sometimes the gradual
40 | January 2022 | happiful.com
build-up of subconscious
behaviours makes it difficult to
recognise you have a problem
until you’re already in the thick of
everything that’s changed.
“About two years after the
triggering event, I had a
breakdown after there was
a national outbreak of the
norovirus. There was too much
for me to control and, at that
point, my nervous system just
collapsed. After a couple of weeks
at home, I remember looking at
my university applications and
realising I wasn’t going to be able
to live the life I had dreamed of.
So, I walked into the living room
and simply said, ‘I think I need
help’ to my mum.”
Maddie notes that getting the
right support wasn’t simple, and
required her to go down the
private route after NHS support
didn’t work out. “But the dream
of going to uni pushed me to keep
going. The first thing you try
might not be what you need for
your own healing, so keep going
until you find what does.”
If you think you may have
health anxiety, knowing the signs
can help you know when to reach
out for support.
“Health anxiety presents itself in
different ways for most people,”
psychotherapist Michael says.
“However, there are a range of
common symptoms including:
• Constantly thinking or worrying
about your health
• Frequently checking for bodily
changes, including lumps,
bruises, moles, or areas of pain
• Seeking reassurance from
medical professionals, friends,
or family that you are not ill
• Worries that medical
professionals have ‘missed’ a life-
threatening illness or symptom
• Avoiding medical-related shows
or news articles
• Obsessively reading forums
online, or Googling health-
related symptoms.”
If these symptoms are ringing
true for you, you are certainly not
alone – Michael notes that health
anxiety affects around 4–5% of the
population. Understanding how to
move forward with this knowledge
is key.
“I would always recommend
speaking with your GP, as they will
be able to support your treatment
process by guiding you towards

It’s all just about
finding and
learning a new way
forward. It’s both
never too soon, and
never too late, to
get help
resources, talking therapies,
or commencing medication if
needed,” Michael says.
“There is also a fantastic range
of self-help tools available online
for managing health anxiety that
will guide you through relaxation
techniques, and help you to
manage negative thoughts when
they arise.”
In terms of what therapies can
support, Michael says for those
experiencing severe health
anxiety, speaking to a trained
cognitive behavioural therapist
who is familiar with this area is
recommended.
“Cognitive behavioural therapy
(CBT) is an evidence-based talking
therapy that allows you to explore
the interactions between your
thoughts, emotions, behaviours,
and physical sensations. It
works by breaking the cycles
which maintain health anxiety,
and allows you to challenge the
negative thinking patterns you
have developed.”
Michael also highlights
that the aim of CBT is not to
completely stop worrying about
your health, but instead to be
able to weigh up the evidence
for and against your thoughts, so
you can reach a more balanced
outcome.
For Maddie, while she still has
tough days, she says therapy
has helped her learn tools and
strategies that allow her to take
back control of her life.
“For anyone reading this who
thinks they may have health
anxiety, just know, there’s
nothing wrong with you.
You’re not broken. Of course,
your mental health is trying to
protect you, especially after all
xxxxxxxxxxxx
we’ve been through with Covid.
But if we don’t know how to
manage the emotions, the habits
we build can harm instead of
help us.
“It’s all just about finding and
learning a new way forward. It’s
both never too soon, and never
too late, to get help.”
Learn more about health anxiety,
CBT, and Michael Swift’s work on
counselling-directory.org.uk
happiful.com | January 2022 | 41
Ask the experts
Leadership and executive coach Jessica Rogers answers
your questions on creating positive financial habits
Read more about Jessica Rogers on lifecoach-directory.org.uk
Q Q
Why is it important
for more of us to
feel empowered
financially?
A When you feel in control
of your money, you feel
in control of your life; you can
make empowered choices.
It also sets the tone for how
you do business/work. When
you charge what you know
your product, service, or skill is
worth, it takes away any doubt
or resentment. Money doesn’t
need to be a ‘dirty word’, and
you should feel confident
enough to have open and
honest discussions about it.
Financial empowerment is
not just about the financial
transactions, it’s also about
financial literacy – making
good investments, saving, and
spending effectively. When we
feel financially empowered it
leads to good planning and,
ultimately, a good level of
freedom.
Life Coach Directory is part of the Happiful Family | Helping you find the help you need
I’ve always considered
myself ‘bad with money’.
How can I change this
mindset?
A It’s important to understand
your relationship with money,
and this is influenced by your
early experiences with it. How
was money spoken about when
you were younger, and what
were you taught, directly and
indirectly, about money? When
Q
What small steps can
I take to get to grips
with my finances?
A Start by writing down and
tracking your incomings
and outgoings. You can do this
with a simple Excel spreadsheet,
or there are various simple
software programs you can use.
Do your outgoings exceed your
you take an honest look at this,
it usually gives you a steer as to
where your current beliefs about
money come from.
Decide how you want to be
about money – what does it
mean to you? When you get
to the root of where your ‘bad
with money’ mindset comes
from, you can unpick this, and
separate the truth from the
‘story’. You can then make some
conscious decisions about how
you want to be about money,
and then take action to change
your mindset.
incomings? If so, where can you
start to cut back?
Create a clear separation
between the money you need
to pay essential bills, and the
money you need for the ‘extras’.
Try to save every month, even if
it’s a nominal amount – this helps
to create positive psychological
feelings around your finances.
Remember that you control
where your money goes, be
careful not to let your money
control you.
 wellbeing

JESSICA’S TOP TIPS FOR

CULTIVATING POSITIVE
FINANCIAL HABITS:
1. Save a percentage of all
financial incomings. Set up a
direct debit, so as soon as the
money hits your main account,
that percentage goes to a
separate savings account.

2. Actively keep track of your

weekly outgoing expenses.
This helps you identify any
unnecessary spending,
particularly unproductive direct
debits and subscriptions.

3. Talk openly about money,

and remember that you control
your finances – don’t let them
control you!

happiful.com | January 2022 | 43

 Let go of the past,
but keep the lessons
it taught you
CHIARA GIZZI

Photography | Hannah Xu

44 | January 2022 | happiful.com


Cooked with love
A passion for food helped bring Claire’s family together in times of
grief, as well as giving her a positive mission to help others
Writing | Claire Gillies
L
osing three very close family members has
taught me a lot about myself. Yes, it has
been hard, and there have been plenty of
tears, but what I have been through has
made me stronger, and given me a new focus.
My journey has been one of self-preservation:
a journey I had to embark on in order to stop
myself from drowning in the waves of grief that I
endured. This journey has not only saved me, but
has also enabled me to inspire others on the way.
I have learnt how to channel my grief, and turn it
into something positive.
It all started in July 2016 when my dad was
diagnosed with cancer – it was terminal. When you
are faced with such a diagnosis you feel helpless, as
there seems to be nothing that you can do; you can’t
make things better, and it’s difficult to know how to
help. But I decided that I would use my love of food,
and I began to cook for my parents.
I would take food around when I went to visit,
which not only lightened my mum’s workload, but
also showed them how much I cared and gave me
an excuse to pop round more regularly. There was
one particular soup that my dad loved – I called it
my ‘souper bowl of slow-cooked goodness’ – that
was the last meal he ate, and now holds a special
place in my heart. Food has an amazing capacity
to evoke memories and emotions in us.
true story
During my dad’s illness, I also continued to
host regular family get-togethers – something I
have always done, but with my dad’s diagnosis,
it seemed even more important that we got
together as a family. I love entertaining; there is
no better feeling than sitting down with friends
and family and catching up over a delicious
home-cooked meal. It always tastes better when
it is cooked with love!
Food and cooking have always played a big
role in my life, but my dad’s illness made me
think about how important what we eat is; I
became even more conscious of what we were
consuming as a family, and began to change
some of our ‘bad’ habits.
At the same time, I decided to start Facebook
and Instagram pages to share tips, hints,
recipes, and inspiration with others – I wanted
to show people how easy it is to cook from
scratch. I whole-heartedly believe that our diet
plays a massive role in supporting our general
health and our wellbeing – you really are what
you eat!
Sadly, my dad passed away in February 2017,
shortly after his 70th birthday. The hole he left
in our family was immense, and although I knew
that it would never be filled, I knew that with
time the grief would become easier to manage. >>>
happiful.com | January 2022 | 45
 Visit Claire’s website deliciousandreal.com and follow
her on Instagram and Twitter @deliciousandreal
I cooked lunch for the two of
us each Tuesday, and we ate
it together and chatted – for
a couple of hours he was no
longer my brother who was
dying of cancer, he was just
my big brother again
My dad became my motivation and drive. I
continued on my mission to inspire others to ditch
the processed food, and to cook from scratch. My
social media presence slowly gained momentum,
and I began to really enjoy the feedback I received
from followers – there is nothing better than
receiving a photo of one of your recipes, especially
when it has been successfully created by someone
who thought they couldn’t cook!
Just as the grief of losing my dad was becoming
more manageable, we received the terrible news
(in December of the same year) that my older
brother had cancer – his was also terminal. As a
46 | January 2022 | happiful.com
family, we were devastated. It seemed so unfair
and there were so many questions in my head:
Why us? How can life be so unfair? What have
we done to deserve this?
As the waves of anger and grief built, I knew
that I had to do something; positivity became my
super-power as I embarked on another cooking
mission.
This time, I used my love of food to help me
cope with my grief, and to support my brother
and his family. I cooked lunch for the two of
us each Tuesday, and we ate it together, and
chatted – for a couple of hours he was no longer
my brother who was dying of cancer, he was just
my big brother again. I am so grateful that we
were able to share this time together and I know
that without the excuse of taking round lunch, I
probably wouldn’t have visited him as much.
While I was in his kitchen, I would also get
things ready for dinner that evening, so that my
brother could sit down with his wife (who was
working at the time) and their young children to
eat a home-cooked meal. My time and cooking
was such a small gesture, but it meant so much
to us all.
My brother sadly passed away in July 2018,
aged just 49.
Again, I channelled my grief, deciding that
I would turn my social media presence into
something else. I started on the journey to

publishing a website packed with my simple
home-cooked recipes that even the most reluctant
cook could manage. My plan was to offer a
subscription service at minimal cost to show
others that planning meals leads to healthier
choices and saves money, and to demonstrate that
cooking from scratch isn’t complicated.
I was now doing this for my dad and my brother
– they were both my motivation. Inspiring others
to lead healthier, happier lives was helping
me deal with my grief. Whenever a follower
commented on how they had enjoyed a recipe, or
explained how meal-planning had helped them
make healthier choices, I did a little happy dance!
OUR EXPERT SAYS
It’s hard to imagine the emotional journey that
Claire and her family have had to navigate.
Dealing with feelings of grief, disbelief, and the
innate sense of unfairness that goes along with
that is a real challenge.
At the heart of this story though, is love. A love
of others, a love of food, and a love of sharing
true story
But then, in August 2019, tragedy struck again
when my other brother (aged just 47) suddenly
died of a heart attack – no warning and no time
to say goodbye. It really makes you realise how
precious life is, and how you have to make the
most of the time you have.
None of us knows what is around the corner,
but I want to give my family the best possible
chance of a long and healthy life. By cooking
from scratch every night, I am teaching my
children (aged 10 and 13) good habits that will
hopefully stay with them into adulthood.
But it’s not just about my family; I want others
to follow my lead and plan home-cooked meals.
And I want to show people that by channelling
your grief, you can have a positive impact on
not only your own life, but also on the lives of
others.
– all fundamental to who we are as human
beings. The way she has managed
to channel her experience into
something to enrich the lives of
others is truly an inspiration!
Rachel Coffey | BA MA NLP Mstr
Life coach
happiful.com | January 2022 | 47
 6 nutrition hacks for
supporting teen mental health
The teenage years come with their own set of challenges. But
did you know that you can use nutrition to your advantage?
O
ur diet provides the
building blocks for
maintaining both our
mental and physical
health, and yet the influence of
nutrition on mental wellbeing is
often overlooked, despite the fact
that physiological factors, such as
brain chemistry and blood sugar
imbalances, can contribute to
the development of anxiety and
low mood as much as emotional
and social issues can. In the teen
years, when growth and puberty
increase demand for nutrients,
mental health can suffer as a
consequence.
Understanding how diet can
both support and impact mental
health can give you tools to
support your teen through
trickier times. Here, we share tips
to help teens take care of their
mental wellbeing with nutrition.
Improve digestion
If your teenager complains of
stomach aches, bloating, or if
they have ongoing constipation
48 | January 2022 | happiful.com
Writing | Sarah Hanratty
or diarrhoea, then check-in
with a doctor or nutritionist to
identify whether their digestion
needs support. If there are signs
your child isn’t digesting their
food well, then they may not be
able to process all the nutrients
from their diet. If you have ruled
out medical issues, then focus
on encouraging your teen to sit
down and take time to eat. A
stress-free, unhurried meal, and
chewing each mouthful well, will
help the absorption of nutrients.
Find the right fats
Omega 3 fats are vital for
supporting brain chemistry and
lowering inflammation, both
of which have been associated
with low mood and depression.
Although omega 3 fats can be
found in walnuts, chia seeds,
and flax seeds, some people
struggle to convert these to
the longer chain omega 3
fats, found in oily fish. If your
teenager isn’t keen on salmon,
mackerel, or sardines, it might
be worth considering a good
quality omega 3 fish or algae oil
supplement. Don’t let your teen
shy away from healthy fats in
a misguided attempt at weight
control. Healthy fats from olive
oil, avocado, nuts, seeds, olives,
and oily fish, play an important
role in keeping our minds and
bodies healthy.
Support sleep
Circadian rhythms, that keep
us awake during the day and
sleepy at night, shift slightly in
the teenage years. This could go
some way to explain why many
teenagers are generally night owls,
and can struggle to wake in the
morning. Allowing the sleep-wake
cycle to shift too much can disrupt
mental wellbeing – any loss of
sleep can also negatively affect
mood. If your child struggles to
get off to sleep due to worries or
concerns running through their
mind, I recommend using either
Epsom salt baths before bed, a
magnesium oil applied topically

to the feet, or a magnesium-
rich smoothie containing milk,
banana, and almond nut butter.
Magnesium helps to promote
gamma-Aminobutyric acid
(GABA), the neurotransmitter that
helps us to feel relaxed, calming
the mind before bed.
Include vitamin D
Low levels of this vitamin
have been linked to anxiety,
depression, and other mental
health conditions. We need
exposure to the sun to maintain
our levels, but with more and
Don’t let your teen
shy away from
healthy fats in a
misguided attempt
at weight control
more teenagers opting to spend
time indoors, this can be a factor
in developing poor mental
health. If your teen’s anxiety or
mood worsens during the winter
months, speak to a GP about how
this might be related to vitamin
D, and consider supplements or
spending more time outdoors.
Be aware of iron levels
Low iron levels have also been
linked to anxiety and depression.
Teenage girls are at risk of iron
deficiency anaemia if they have
very heavy periods, or follow a
food & health
poorly balanced vegan diet. You
may also notice other signs of low
iron, which include fatigue and pale
skin. You can ask your GP to check
the levels of the iron storage protein
ferritin. Iron from animal sources,
like red meat and eggs, are generally
better absorbed than plant-based
sources. However, pairing beans,
dark green leafy vegetables, dried
apricots, pistachios, or other high
iron plant-based foods, with foods
rich in vitamin C (think berries,
peppers, and oranges) can enhance
absorption of iron.
Balance blood sugar
Teenagers sometimes choose
starchy or sweet snacks over more
nutrient-dense meals. These foods
are digested quickly, and glucose
enters the bloodstream rapidly.
Insulin is released to control
the amount of glucose in the
bloodstream, and subsequently,
blood sugar can drop too low.
When this happens, anxiety can
increase and panic attacks can
occur, and low blood sugar can
affect mood and cause irritability.
Keep blood sugar stable by
increasing the amount of protein,
vegetables, and healthy fats in a
meal, and by avoiding too many
sugary snacks or caffeine.
Sarah Hanratty is a clinical
nutritionist at the Brain Food
Nutrition Clinic, and a tutor at the
School of Health. Find out more by
visiting nutritionist-resource.org.uk
happiful.com | January 2022 | 49
 How to bal
ith c a n
w hron ce lif
ic il e
lness
Learning to live with constant pain,
fatigue, nausea, or other debilitating
symptoms, can be really tough – but
there are a number of techniques you
can use to help meet the challenge
Writing | Pragya Agarwal

L
“ ife isn’t about waiting
for the storm to pass. It’s
about learning to dance
in the rain,” wrote Vivian
Greene.
I suffer from a chronic health
condition which causes acute
fatigue, muscular pains, nausea,
and anxiety. For a long time,
I ignored my issues, veering
between stress and shame about
not feeling 100%, and self-pity
about being ill.
Sara Tasker is an Instagram
expert, author, and creative
business coach, who has created
a hugely successful career while
living with a chronic health
condition. Sara suffers from
dysautonomia, which presents
with a wide range of symptoms
– her biggest being fatigue and
accompanying brain fog.
She reiterates my feeling of
shame around chronic illness,
and says: “British society has a
tendency to link tiredness with
laziness, and I felt like my fatigue
was a moral failing, somehow.”
Elma Glasgow, from Felixstowe,
runs a consultancy, while also
training to be a wellbeing coach.
Her myalgic encephalomyelitis
(ME) was triggered by a
breakdown in 2017. Elma
experiences intense fatigue,
brain fog, and dizziness every
day. For her, travel became a
problem. She says: “I was also
worried that my legs would give
way in front of other people.
I would walk closer to walls;
when my legs started to go, I had
something to hold on to.”
Acceptance is the first step
For me, I stubbornly refused
to accept that I would have to
accommodate my chronic health
conditions in my professional
life, or that an ‘always-on’
culture I was part of as a senior
academic was not a perfect fit. As
a single parent, and an ambitious

50 | January 2022 | happiful.com


Because you know
your illness the best,
it’s up to you to
decide what
your limits are
academic, I was living a high- exist. Often the first step towards
paced and very demanding life. living more mindfully with a
I wanted to appear reliable and chronic illness comes from an
professional, and was worried acceptance of the illness. I finally
that discussing or admitting went freelance just after my
to my health condition would twins were born, five years ago.
impact negatively on my career. This has allowed me to be more
But, slowly I realised that this flexible, and adapt my work to
was not a sustainable way to suit my life and my health.
food & health
Sara says: “Accepting a chronic
illness means accepting you’re
never going to get better. That
can be tough in a world where
somebody is always trying to
sell you a new miracle cure. But
that acceptance, for me, has
been really key; once you know a
certain symptom is never going
away, you can start the work of
figuring out how to live your life,
and do your job, around it.”
Elma also had to start by
accepting that her illness was a
part of her. She tells me: “I had
to reframe my illness as a huge
learning experience, because
I couldn’t turn to an expert
who could explain what was
happening. ME is still a relatively
un-researched illness, so there’s
limited support available to the
public.”
Make small changes
Acceptance means making small
changes and accommodations
to avoid burnout, and to start
recognising triggers. For Sara, it’s
the small changes – like getting
taxis instead of the tube when she
has meetings in London – that
have made a big difference to her
wellbeing, once she stopped trying
to fight the reality of her body. Elma
started learning new meditation
techniques to understand her body
better, and tune-in to it, which
has helped her spot the signs of
worsening symptoms earlier, and
identify (and, therefore, avoid) her
triggers. >>>
happiful.com | January 2022 | 51
 For further support...
Astriid – its mission is to
help people with long-
term, chronic illness find
meaningful work. Visit
astriid.org.uk
Pain UK – an alliance of
charities providing a voice
for people in pain. Head to
painuk.org
For me, a huge part of
this acceptance has been
acknowledging that I might need
more help than before. I used to
be reluctant to ask for support, but
I have learnt to articulate to my
partner when I might be feeling
tired, or when I might need to rest
during the day. Elma also found
a local ME support group which
really helped her, and, she says:
“I changed my mindset; I’m now
a lot less hard on myself, and
much more accepting of my body.
If I feel unwell, I rest. If I have to
cancel plans, I get frustrated but I
accept that I’m frustrated.”
Recognise limits
Part of acceptance is recognising
our limits. It’s much easier to
work remotely now, because of
technology. But, being freelance
can have its downfalls. There
are fewer boundaries between
home and work, and there’s also
a tendency to take too much on at
times, because there’s the fear of
an inconsistent income stream.
But, prioritising and careful
planning to focus on things that
bring the most benefit is crucial.
52 | January 2022 | happiful.com
Sara says: “For years I tried to
push myself to do more in-person
workshops and retreats, because
my peers were doing them so
successfully. But once I accepted
that I just couldn’t physically
handle them, and made the switch
to teaching online from my home,
my profitability quadrupled
overnight.”
Elma also recommends setting
strong boundaries and sticking
to them. Because you know your
illness the best, it’s up to you to
decide what your limits are. “Be
utterly realistic and honest with
yourself,” she tells me.
Design your own template
Both Elma and Sara propose
finding your own way to work,
rather than conforming to the
template society has imposed upon
us. In Sara’s words: “That rulebook
was written for an able bodied,
neurotypical 1950s white man with
a Stepford wife waiting at home
with his slippers. It doesn’t apply
here in the real world. You don’t
have to work 9–5; you don’t have to
sacrifice your humanity to make
money; your productivity does not
define your worth.”
Elma reminds me that health
always comes first, without any
compromise. Our tendency is
often to just power through, but
the repercussions can set us back
by a few days if we’re not careful.
I am now an author, speaker, and
consultant, and have written three
non-fiction books in the past two
years, with the next book out in
2022. I run my own consultancy
research think-tank, ‘50 Percent
Project’, that examines global
inequities, and have given talks
and workshops for clients such as
the United Nations, the NHS, and
the Environment Agency.
People often ask me how I do
it, with five-year-old twins. And,
I always say that I have focused
on my skills and my experience,
slowly chased away guilt and
shame out of my life, and learnt to
ask for help.
I have created a life and career
I am proud of, in a way that suits
me, my health, and my family,
and not worrying about how I
am perceived by the world. I do
believe that work-life balance is a
myth, and it’s better to be flexible,
and prioritise according to what
suits your health and lifestyle.
There is no ‘one-size-fits-all’
template to living and working
with a chronic health condition.
We must find what works for us.
Dr Pragya Agarwal is a behavioural
and data scientist, author, speaker,
and consultant. Visit her website
drpragyaagarwal.co.uk
 words of wisdom

Delayed
milestones
There’s a sort-of unspoken, but widely acknowledged, ‘life path’ we’re
all expected to follow – but none of our journeys are exactly the same.
Here, we’re exploring the mental health impact of deviating from the
predicted ‘life milestones’ course, and how to handle it
Writing | Victoria Stokes

T
he word ‘milestone’ is said
to date back to the third
century. While building
a 53,000-mile network of
roads around Europe, the Romans
would mark their progress by
placing a stone every 1,000 paces.
These stone markers allowed road
builders to marvel at just how far
they had travelled along the road,
while calculating how far they still
had to go.
Today, we chart our progress
in similar ways, but instead of
using milestones as a celebration
of our successes, we often use
them to measure where we’re at
in comparison to everyone else,
leading us to berate ourselves for
not being any further along the
metaphorical road.
In a world that lauds overnight
successes, and compiles ‘30 Under
30’ lists, we’ve become accustomed
to setting timelines for what we feel
we should accomplish, insisting
that we must get married, start
a family, or buy our first home
before we reach a certain age.
But what happens when
we miss the mark on those
goals, and fall short of our
self-imposed deadlines while
everyone else seems to be
racing ahead? Counsellor Dee
Johnson says it can spark feelings
of unworthiness, shame, and
comparison.
“I see so many people burdened
with shame, fear, and even
embarrassment, that they’re not
ticking these boxes in the unsaid
timeline we seem to operate off,”
she says. “This sense of failure
can create a poor sense of self,
which, on the more extreme
end of the scale, can lead to
maladaptive responses, ranging
from depression and isolation to
self-harm and substance abuse.”
Falling behind
Whether you’re sad to be single
while all your friends are getting
engaged, or approaching a big
birthday without landing that
high-flying career, missing a
perceived milestone deadline
can be a potent cocktail of
disappointment, frustration,
and inadequacy – and there’s
proof that the pandemic may
have added to the pressure.
A nationally representative
survey from the Stanford
Center for Longevity in the US,
found many of us have delayed
key milestones in the past 18
months. It discovered 68% of
people are putting off getting
married or entering a long-term
relationship, 40% are putting
the brakes on childbearing,
and 30% of first-time buyers
have decided to press pause on
purchasing a home.
The scenario begs an obvious
question: why are we in such a
rush to achieve these milestones
in the first place? Dee puts it
down to social conditioning. >>>

happiful.com | January 2022 | 53


I began to realise that
my milestones weren’t
any less valuable than
the ones my friends
had accomplished; they
were just different, and
that’s OK
“There are strong cultural and
social influences that suggest we
need to achieve these markers
in life. They’re unconscious
expectations of what a successful
life pattern looks like,” Dee
explains. “When these things
have brought happiness and
security to someone we know,
then it’s natural that we want
the same for [ourselves]. It’s
about personal fulfilment, and
finding security emotionally and
physically.”
From an evolutionary sense,
we’re also hardwired to suss out
where we are in the pecking
order, and may feel desperate to
fit in. “Making comparisons as
to whether we are a success or
a failure is ingrained in us right
back into childhood. Just look
at high achievers at school and
sibling rivalry,” Dee points out.
Moving forward
The pressure to keep up with
others may be driving our
desire to have it all, but is it ever
possible to make peace with
being 20 paces behind where you
want to be? With a willingness
to see things differently, and
consciously address your fears, it
can be done.
54 | January 2022 | happiful.com
1. Celebrate what
you have achieved
It can be easy to get wrapped up
in what everyone else is doing,
but have you ever stopped to
think about all that you have
accomplished? According to Dee,
doing so can really shift your
perspective and bring relief.
It worked for Claire, 33, who
says that as soon as she stopped
getting wrapped up in the fact all
her friends had mortgages, and
started appreciating the amazing
life experience she’d gained from
travelling, the pressure to reach
certain milestones melted away.
“I’d been so caught up in feeling
like a failure that I’d failed to
recognise all the amazing things I
had achieved,” she says. “I began
to realise that my milestones
weren’t any less valuable
than the ones my friends had
accomplished; they were just
different, and that’s OK.”
2. Don’t put conditions
on your worth
One of the reasons missing
milestones hurts so much is that
it brings feelings of inadequacy.
“It’s a fallacy that you are only
good enough if you have the
new house, the latest car, the
best engagement ring, or the big
promotion,” she muses. “Sure,
these things are good to have if
they genuinely bring you joy and
you haven’t sacrificed your values
to get them, but it’s who you are
that matters, not what you have.”
When you feel as though you’re
falling short, do your best to
remember that.
3. Fill in the gaps
It can be tempting to fixate on
what we feel is missing in our
lives. Dee’s advice? “Try to fill
the gaps with interests and new
skills like travel, creative pursuits,
or sports. These activities build
your self-esteem, self-worth, and
confidence.”
While you’re at it, try practising
gratitude. Dee says doing this
daily allows you to change your
“automatic response of focusing
on what is missing in your life”
to recognising your blessings,
as well as your progress. Studies
show it has the power to reduce
social comparisons, too.
4. Seek help
When sifting through difficult
emotions, it might be time to get
some additional support.
“Talk to a mental health
professional to process your
understandable fears, jealousy,
and lack of confidence,” Dee
advises. “Allow yourself to let go,
and explore where these feelings
have really come from.”
 words of wisdom

There may even be value in

opening up to trusted friends
about how you feel. “You may well
discover that their lives are not all
rose-tinted,” Dee points out.

5. Find a new definition

of success
Recently, across social media, a
new wave of thought has urged
us to celebrate those ‘later in life’
wins. Publishing a book at 50,
getting married in your 40s, or
landing your dream job at 35, are
all still worthy of recognition.
If you feel your life is moving at
snail speed, even small day-to-day
achievements can be recognised
and celebrated – and may help to
bolster your self-esteem.

So, three cheers for Lucy, who

got out of bed this morning despite
not feeling her best. A round of
applause for Daniel, who plucked
up the courage to have that tricky
chat with his boss. And put your
hands together for Sarah, who
laced up her running shoes today
for the first time in two years.
Finally, a big pat on the back for
you, for finishing this feature and
facing your delayed milestones
head on.

Try to fill the gaps with interests

and new skills like travel, creative
pursuits, or sports. These activities
build your self-esteem, self-worth,
and confidence
Dee Johnson is a counsellor
interested in working with individuals
and groups. Find out more by
visiting counselling-directory.org.uk

happiful.com | January 2022 | 55

 January
HAPPIFUL TOP 10

From learning about the creativity of others to diving into

what makes us happy, we share 10 things to do this January

3
PUT ON A SHOW
Beat the Streets

1
The annual music festival returns this January to continue
raising funds and awareness of the rising homelessness
crisis in Nottingham. Each year the proceeds from ticket sales go toward
eradicating homelessness in the city. With hundreds of local and national
artists performing across the two-day event, it is going to be a glorious
weekend! (Visit beatthestreetsuk.com to find out more)
PAGE-TURNERS

You Coach You by Helen
Tupper and Sarah Ellis
A must-read for anyone who
is re-assessing where they
are in their career, or wanting
to build their confidence,
this book provides the
perfect opportunity to look
inwards at your goals and
motivations, guided by those
who have done it themselves.
4
LEND US
YOUR EARS
‘Ten Percent Happier
with Dan Harris’
After suffering from
panic attacks and anxiety himself,
journalist Dan Harris set out on his
own journey toward happiness, and
in the process wrote a bestselling
book. Chatting with doctors,

Coaches are wonderful for
development, but who better
to carve out the path best-
suited to you, than well… you?
(Out 13 January, Penguin
Business, £14.99)
5
celebrities, and scientists, the podcast
involves Dan sharing his opinions on
PLUGGED-IN
everything from training the brain to @gretathunberg
feeling joy and accepting progress, to Greta Thunberg is an
techniques for productivity. (Listen to 18-year-old Swedish
the podcast on iTunes and Spotify) environmental activist who is
well-known for challenging world

2
leaders to take climate action.
OUT AND ABOUT Her Instagram feed reflects her
The Tate Galleries
Live music | beatthestreetsuk.com

aims for raising awareness and

With rotating free events throughout the year, the Tate campaigning for real change
galleries are wonderful places to visit with the whole across the world. Not only great
family. From mesmerising light shows and mirror rooms to artistic for educating yourself on climate
exhibitions, the galleries across the country offer something to be change, but her posts will also
impressed by. With tours and refreshments available at the venues, have you inspired to do your part
why not make a day of it and soak up as much creativity as you can! to save the planet. (Follow
(Visit tate.org.uk to find out more) @gretathunberg on Instagram)

56 | January 2022 | happiful.com

 culture

6
TECH TIP-OFFS
Stress & Anxiety Companion
Companion provides its users with
the tools and techniques to manage stress
and anxiety at work, so that you’re able to
make the most out of your day. Complete
with hundreds of expert guides for different
scenarios, the app seeks to improve your
overall workplace wellbeing. (Download
from the App Store or Google Play)
9
THE CONVERSATION
Dry January
Every year, Alcohol Change UK runs the Dry
January campaign to raise awareness of
the effects of alcohol. It encourages us to
join in with the UK’s one month alcohol-free
challenge, and to consider the way that our bodies feel
during this time. With previous participants noting that they
saved money, and slept better, it sounds like a challenge to
get behind! (Visit alcoholchange.org.uk for more information)

7 10
SQUARE EYES GET GOING
The King’s Man RED January
Another film based on the January can be full
comic book The Secret Service, of ‘new year, new
the Kingsman series is back with me’ conversations. But, for 2022, RED
a prequel-style film exploring the January is encouraging us all to set
establishment of the Kingsman realistic and healthy goals for ourselves.
Agency in the early years of the With their ‘realistic everyday movement’
20th century. Directed by Matthew campaign, RED wants us to move to
Vaughn and starring Ralph Fiennes improve our minds, doing simple and
and Gemma Arterton, this is one not easy things to get ourselves outside,
to be missed! (Available in cinemas without pushing ourselves to the limit.
from 22 December) (Search ‘RED January’ to sign up)

8 TREAT YOURSELF
Betsy Benn’s Moment of Calm Letterbox Gift
Finding time to take a moment to breathe and pause can be challenging, but it really can do WIN!
Moment of Calm Letterbox Gift | betsybenn.com

wonders. The Moment of Calm Letterbox Gift is the perfect present for friends or loved ones.
A lovely reminder to take a break, this gift includes a personalised journal, a wall print, and a
selection of caffeine-free tea bags to enjoy during the quiet. (RRP £26.50, visit betsybenn.com)

Win Betsy Benn’s Moment of Calm Letterbox Gift

For your chance to win a Moment of Calm Letterbox Gift, simply email your answer to
the following question to competitions@happiful.com
What is the colour of a standard Royal Mail second-class stamp?
a) Red b) Blue c) Green
*Competition closes 20 January 2022. UK mainland and Northern Ireland only. Good luck!

happiful.com | January 2022 | 57

 Back to basics
Two breakfasts to help you get back into your healthy eating routine
Writing | Uta Boellinger

S
o, the holidays are over.
We’ve had a chance
to relax, indulge,
treat ourselves, and
hopefully spend time with loved
ones. But with this often comes
a loss of routine, and even the
most diligent of us (nutritionists
included) have probably lost
all sense of structure when it
comes to our food intake.
If you feel a little sluggish,
and want to get back into a
rhythm, the best place to start
is breakfast! It really is the
most important meal of
the day because it sets you
up for success in terms of
energy levels, avoiding sugar
cravings, and for balancing
your mood.
But what does a balanced
breakfast look like? You want
to make sure that you’re
getting plenty of protein-
rich foods, fibre, and a small
amount of carbohydrates. This
will give you the energy you
need to start the day, and keep
you full until lunchtime.
Yet, what if you don’t have
the time to prepare a balanced
meal first thing? Well, fear not.
I have the perfect recipes that
can be made in advance to save
you time during the week.
Here are two of my favourite
breakfasts, which are quick
and easy to prepare, super
nutritious, and delicious. Say
goodbye to jam on toast, and
hello to starting the day right!

Protein overnight oats Method:

Serves 2
Prep time: 5–10 minutes (plus 8
hours in the fridge overnight)
Ingredients:
• 8 tbsp oats
• 2 tbsp chia seeds
• 2 tbsp linseeds
• 600ml unsweetened
almond milk
• 2 tbsp nut butter of choice
(almond, peanut and
cashew all work well)
• 1 tsp cinnamon
• Mix all ingredients together in
a bowl and stir well.
• Stir again after 2–3 minutes,
and then leave in the fridge
overnight.
• Add fresh or frozen fruit of
your choice in the morning.
• This can be stored in the fridge
for up to three days, so you
can make a bigger batch and
prepare breakfast in advance.
• Garnish with zest of orange,
and sumac. Can be served hot
or cold.

58 | January 2022 | happiful.com

 food & health

The healthy bit

Find a
ist on
nutrition iful
Chia seeds and linseed are both
excellent sources of omega 3
our Happ essential fatty acids, which can be
app hard to come by. Omega 3 plays an
important role in brain health, skin
health, immune system function,
and inflammatory processes, as
well as many other areas of human
health.
By soaking the seeds overnight
we are making sure that these fatty
acids, as well as the numerous other
vitamins and minerals, become easy
for our body to digest and absorb.
The seeds and nut butter also
provide a source of protein. It’s so
important to include protein in our
breakfast to ensure blood sugar
balance which, in turn, improves
our energy levels throughout the
day, and may help reduce cravings
later on.
The frittata (and other savoury
breakfasts) are a great way to include
Spinach and sweet minutes, or until the potatoes are more vegetables in our diets. I
potato frittata just tender. especially like that we are getting
Serves 4 • Add the spinach and stir until a mix of green leafy vegetables,
Prep time: 25 minutes wilted. and bright orange from the sweet
• Season the whisked eggs with salt potato. This gives us a great variety
Ingredients: and pepper, then pour the eggs of nutrients, including essential
• 1 tbsp extra virgin olive oil into the pan with the vegetables. magnesium and B vitamins for
• 1 sweet potato (large, peeled Let the eggs cook for about 30 energy, and beta-carotene (later
and cut into small cubes) seconds, or until they begin to converted into vitamin A) for
• 4 cups of baby spinach set, before gently stirring with a immune function, skin, and
(washed and chopped) spatula to ensure the vegetables eyesight. The eggs and sweet potato
• 8 eggs whisked are well incorporated into the eggs. give you the perfect combination
• Salt and pepper • Transfer the frying pan to the of protein and carbohydrates for
oven. optimal energy.
Method: • Bake for 10–12 minutes or until
• Preheat the oven to 200C. the eggs have set and are firm to Uta Boellinger is a registered
• Heat the oil in a cast-iron frying the touch in the centre of the pan. nutritional therapist and
lecturer who specialises in
pan (or another oven-safe pan) Let it sit to cool before cutting into
helping busy women
over medium heat. Add the wedges. improve their energy levels.
sweet potato and cook, stirring • Serve and enjoy! Keep leftovers in Find more on her profile at
occasionally, for about 10 the fridge for up to three days. nutritionist-resource.org.uk

happiful.com | January 2022 | 59

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 positive pointers

Life
lessons
with
Jules
Von
Hep
Self-acceptance advocate and creator of Isle of Paradise tanning
products, Jules Von Hep reflects upon the past, and shares his personal
life lessons for a brighter future. Spoiler alert: it all starts with you…
Writing | Lucy Donoughue

J
ules Von Hep is motivation
in human form. His
presence on Instagram
is full of playful reminders to
laugh and be in the moment, as
well as very honest discussions
about body image. His vegan
and cruelty-free self-tan brand,
Isle of Paradise, is now stocked
world-wide, and he recently
launched a sustainable British
knitwear company, Yan Tan, to
support UK farmers and promote
ethical consumerism. He uses
his platform to talk about issues
that really matter – from body
confidence, to self-acceptance,
and the impact of fast fashion –
and he looks like he’s having a
blast doing it.
However, Jules’ arrival at this
point has not been plain sailing.
He’s had to work on himself along
the way, and says that he really
only found his feet in the past five
years, after a long stretch of self-
loathing, body dysmorphia, and
disordered eating.
Here, Jules reveals the lessons
he’s learned along the way. >>>

happiful.com | January 2022 | 61

 Ultimately there’s
always a positive
and a negative
route, we’re taught
that in physics –
Search for the positive
As a gay man going to school in
you can’t have
the early noughties, before social one without
media, homphobia was rife. I
suffered from both physical and
the other
emotional homophobic abuse,
and that really knocks a person.
In my early 20s, there were
times when I stopped eating
because I believed that my value
was based on my appearance,
and success was linked to a
number on the scales.
Now I realise that pessimism is
a form of self-protection. Actually
being an optimist, for me, is
saying: “If the glass is running
out and it’s half full, let’s top her
up!” Ultimately there’s always
a positive and a negative route,
we’re taught that in physics – you
can’t have one without the other.
It’s up to you which you choose.

Practise speaking
kindly to yourself
I am someone who has stood in
front of the mirror and picked my
body apart countless times.
Having come out of that, I
now know how much having
a negative conversation with
yourself affects so many other
areas of your life. I’ve cancelled
plans, parties, and dates because
I didn’t like how I looked. I’ve
had intimate experiences,
apologising for my body as I
undressed. That’s not sexy!
I started to change by working
on my internal dialogue. Instead
of focusing on the negative (I hate
my love handles), I focused on
the positive (I love my eyes, I love
my humour). By changing my
internal narrative, I became more
optimistic and open-minded in my
approach to day-to-day life, which
enabled me to do wonderful things
like launch Isle of Paradise, Yan
Tan, and meet my partner.
Changing your inner dialogue
comes with regular practise. The
ship of body confidence is a big
one to turn. You’ve got to turn
that steering wheel a little every
day, and eventually the ship will
find its course.
It does take time. I’m 35 now,
and I think I’ve only felt body
confident and happy in myself
for four or five years of my life,
but I’m so glad I’m here!

62 | January 2022 | happiful.com


Listen to Jules share more on
Happiful’s podcast ‘I am. I have’.
Listen to what calls you
During lockdown, I massively
changed as a person. I’d been
flying around the world, hosting
events with the Isle of Paradise,
which was incredible, but I don’t
think I took a moment to stop.
Lockdown slowed me down.
It made me think about where
I was going. I think that lots of
people dealt with issues with
their inner child during that
time, and we were forced to
connect with nature in ways
we’ve not before.
My partner and I moved out
of London, and one night we
were watching a Countryfile
report about farmers in the UK
burning their wool because the
fast fashion industry doesn’t
support the British wool trade.
My grandparents were sheep
farmers; I remember going to
sheepdog trials as a child and I
was really disturbed by this.
I messaged a couple of my
friends who are knitwear
designers, because I felt like it
was a massive crisis that no one
was talking about. As a result, I
launched Yan Tan, a sustainable
British knitwear brand to
support the UK’s wool industry.
We use 100% British wool, and
our garments are biodegradable
so we operate on a complete
farm-to-wardrobe and back-to-
earth mentality.
I think because I’ve found
inner confidence, and worked
so hard on learning to like
myself and be my own best
friend, I’ve been able to take on
this new venture and embrace
the fear.
Chart your heart’s progress
All too often business and life
can be all about the bottom
line, all about the profit. I think
we’re conditioned to believe that
progress is moving up, stepping
up the ladder but, actually, I
don’t think it is. Sometimes
it’s sidestepping, stopping, or
turning in a different direction
altogether. As long as you’re
doing something that makes
your heart happy and fulfilled,
you’re making progress.
positive pointers
The ship of body
confidence is a big
one to turn. It’s a
huge tanker and
it’s not moving
in seconds!
For me, it’s about flicking on
the switch that wakes you up and
makes you question what’s right
and wrong for you personally. I
always go back to the questions:
‘Am I enjoying this?’ and ‘Will I
enjoy it tomorrow?’ and if the
answer is no to either of those,
then I have a problem and I need to
change that.
We only have one shot at this,
no one has found the elixir of life
(and if you have, please do get in
touch!), so just feel the fear and
do it anyway. Get on that roller
coaster, because it’s not going to be
there forever.
Follow Jules Von Hep on Instagram
@julesvonhep and visit yan-tan.com
to find out more about his brilliant,
sustainable British wool brand.
happiful.com | January 2022 | 63
 Happiful
reads...
From learning about the power
of crystals to chasing adventure,
we share four books you won’t
want to miss this month
Writing | Chelsea Graham
D
r Julie Smith has not
only hit our screens as
part of documentaries
and breakfast shows,
but has become a social media
sensation after she began
sharing her tips and advice.
She has since amassed more
than three million followers
with whom she shares her daily
insights into the world of mental
health and wellbeing.
Must reads
Crystals for Self-
Care: The Ultimate
Guide to Crystal
Healing by Kirsty
Gallagher
Out now
For many, crystals
can offer a powerful influence
over wellbeing. But, delving
into the world of these beautiful
fragments can be complicated.
Kirsty Gallagher is renowned
for bringing ancient practices
into modern everyday life in an
accessible way, and her third
book is no exception.
64 | January 2022 | happiful.com
Having worked for 10 years as
a clinical psychologist, in this
book Dr Julie Smith sets out to
share tools for anyone struggling
with depression, anxiety, or poor
mental wellbeing, and who may
not feel they are ready to see a
professional. Detailing ways to
Eat More, Live
Well by Dr
Megan Rossi
Out 30
December
Dr Megan
Rossi, AKA the
Gut Health Doctor, shares with
us her thoughts on why healthy
eating is about inclusion and
not exclusion. Packed full of 80
delicious and balanced recipes,
this book is a great way to shake
up your meals without sacrificing
flavour or, most importantly, your
favourite ingredients.
Why Has Nobody
Told Me This
Before? by Dr
Julie Smith
Out 6 January
break negative thought patterns,
or find motivation when you’re
feeling low, this is a great guide
for anyone looking to improve
their mental resilience.
Anything Could
Happen by Lucy
Diamond
Out 6 January
Bestselling author
Lucy Diamond
is back with
another comforting and warm
novel. We all have secrets,
right? But what happens if
your best kept secret goes on
to spark the beginning of your
greatest adventure yet? Find
out as we follow Lara and her
daughter Eliza on the journey of
a lifetime.
 wellbeing

THE
ROAD
TO RECOVERY
It’s easy to beat ourselves up over relapses when it comes to
eating disorders, but it’s all a unique journey. Here we share
essential tips to help you through the rough patches of recovery
Writing | Sarah Young

R
ecovering from an eating
disorder is one of the
hardest things I’ve ever
had to do. When we start
our journeys into the hellfire
that recovery can often feel like,
we begin by envisioning this
journey to be linear – onwards
and upwards! We imagine things
getting gradually better day by day,
in a way that is exhausting, yet
straightforward. However, recovery
usually doesn’t go as planned.
If we were to plot the path of
recovery on a graph, it would
probably look more like a
looping, squiggly mess than a
simple diagonal line. Recovery is
filled with pitfalls, lapses, three
steps forwards, two steps back,
and sometimes even full-blown
relapses. But this doesn’t mean
we’ve failed. Every step back
teaches us new things, even when
it doesn’t feel like it at the time.
Every time we trip, we learn to
look out for what caught our feet
the next time we’re there. Each
time we stumble, we can be ready
to grab on to something and steady
ourselves if we cross that same
path again. Recovery will never be
simple, or easy, or we would have
done it sooner.
It’s easy to become impatient
with yourself when recovery feels
like it’s taking too much time.
You berate yourself every time
you find yourself falling back
into unhealthy behaviours. But
recovery cannot be rushed, and
the times we fall backwards make
us ever stronger for when we
reach forwards again.
Like with all journeys, it’s not just
the destination that is important;
it’s also what you learn and
discover along the way that makes
for a robust and stable remission,
and this includes the mistakes and
pitfalls just as much as the steps
that take you forwards.
So what do you do when you find
you have stumbled into a relapse? >>>

happiful.com | January 2022 | 65

 • Remember that eating
disorders make empty
promises to persuade us that
it’s worth listening to them. But
ask yourself: what did your
eating disorder give you? How
did you benefit from it? For
some, you felt in control, but
were you just being controlled?
Sometimes we use eating
disorders as a distraction; a
way to numb out other painful
things. But is replacing one
painful thing with another
painful thing really worth
it? Did your eating disorder
give you stable, healthy
relationships? Did it find you
a fulfilling job? Did it buy you
a nice home? Did it contribute
towards your education?
Did it make you feel better
about yourself? Did it bring
you happiness? I imagine the
answer is no. Eating disorders
help us feel in control, but they
don’t give us anything real.
66 | January 2022 | happiful.com
• Think about your reasons
for recovering. Write them
down and stick them on your
wall. Is it worth abandoning
those goals for this demon
of a disorder? Your reasons
to recover might include the
things mentioned earlier. They
might also include things like
decreased anxiety, meals out
with loved ones, being present
in your day-to-day life, having
children, engaging fully in
your passions, having fun at
social events, enjoying food,
improved sleep, dedicating
your energy towards enjoying
life, and regaining your
identity.
• Use your support network.
Friends, family, partners,
doctors, therapists, helplines,
online support forums, social
media communities – they can
all be sources of support that
are often crucial to remaining
strong in your journey. You may
feel ashamed, or like you’ve
failed when asking for help,
but that isn’t the case – we all
slip up. It’s part of the journey.
Don’t suffer in silence; seek
support from the people that
you trust.

Eliminate negative influences.
Get rid of those triggering
magazines that encourage
disordered behaviours, and
openly criticise other people’s
bodies. Unfollow social media
accounts that make you feel
bad about yourself, or that
you’re doing recovery wrong.
Follow people who don’t set
rules for what health looks
like – because it’s different
for everyone. Cut toxic people
out of your life. Assert your
boundaries with your loved
ones who comment on your
body/food choices/lifestyle/
exercise habits, or who won’t
stop talking about the diet
they’re on. Surround yourself
with people and influences that
push you towards true health
and happiness.
• If you find yourself missing
meals, create a schedule or
set alarms to ensure you eat
regularly and consistently.
If you find yourself making
excuses not to eat, then you
may want to think about
putting yourself on a bit of a
meal plan until you’re able to go
back to eating intuitively.
You’re going to
be OK. You’re going
to make it through
• Know your warning signs!
This could be giving yourself
excuses not to eat, cutting
out certain foods, avoiding
situations involving food,
increasing your exercise,
weighing yourself more
regularly, increased thoughts
around food/weight/exercise,
body checking, becoming more
withdrawn, or feeling guilty
for resting or eating. If you
know your own warning signs,
you’ll be able to notice these
red flags and address them a lot
quicker before it snowballs into
something more ingrained.
It may also be a good idea to
tell your partner, friends, and
family what your red flags
are, so that if you’re unable
to see them in yourself when
they occur, they can watch out
for them and support you in
getting back on track.
• Keep busy and use distraction
techniques. When you are
sitting with anxiety, guilt, or
relapse temptations, distract
yourself with something you
can get absorbed in. The
more you’re thinking about
something else, the less energy
wellbeing
your brain will put towards
those negative thoughts. You
could watch a movie, read a
book, write, get out a jigsaw
puzzle or a crossword, pick
up the knitting needles, game
on an Xbox/PC/phone, call
someone, meet up with a
friend, play an instrument,
paint, collage, or take photos –
basically anything that you can
engage yourself in.
Write these tips down. Find
other tips online. Ask people in
a similar position what helped
them. Make a ‘reasons to recover’
poster or screensaver. Remind
yourself that you’re going to
be OK. You’re going to make it
through. You can, and you will,
beat your eating disorder.
Keep reminding yourself that
recovery isn’t linear, and that
every setback is an opportunity
to learn and take bigger steps
forwards. Some of my most
important lessons were learnt
during the slip ups that I made
during my recovery. Pick yourself
up, dust yourself off, and don’t
let the tide sweep you off course.
Keep wading upstream, and take
the knowledge for next time.
happiful.com | January 2022 | 67
 Growth is painful. Change
is painful. But nothing is
as painful as staying stuck
somewhere you don’t belong
MANDY HALE

Photography | Brock Wegner

68 | January 2022 | happiful.com

 true story

Family born out of fear

After keeping her deep-rooted terror of childbirth secret for years,
opening up and sharing her fear enabled Ali to find support and
create processes in order to have the children she always wanted
Writing | Ali Lawrence

I
don’t ever remember not knowing where
babies came from. I don’t just mean how
they’re made, but the whole process of
labour and childbirth. Being the youngest
of a large family, and an auntie to six children
while still a teenager, I was all too familiar with
the gruesome details of childbirth. I remember
holding my tiny nieces and nephews for the first
time, distraught by the reality of their arrival,
and what I would have to endure to have my own
children one day.
I didn’t know then that I was suffering with
tokophobia, a severe fear of childbirth and
pregnancy. It took me almost 30 years to talk
about it, but it was the best decision I ever made.
Unfortunately, the tension between desperately
wanting to have a family of my own, but
knowing I couldn’t face the pain of childbirth,
continued for many years. Throughout my 20s, I
wrestled with this conflict inside, and my mental
and physical health deteriorated. I had disrupted
sleep, numerous stomach and digestive
problems, and struggled with anxiety attacks
at the thought of someday giving birth. Seeing
pregnant women, or knowing a friend was in
labour, were both particularly challenging; I had
to hide the panic and anxiety that I felt flooding
through me, and try to carry on as normal.
At the age of 28 I got married, but I still kept
this fear hidden from my husband. It wasn’t
due to lack of communication or a reflection of
our relationship, I just couldn’t physically bring
myself to talk about it. I felt that people would
be dismissive of my concerns, and respond with
comments like, “All women worry about giving
birth,” and “You’ll be fine.”
One evening, three years into our marriage,
the weight of what I had been carrying for so
long finally broke me. Every muscle tensed,
and the tears flowed as I forced myself to open
up to my husband about having tokophobia. He
had no idea my fears were so crippling, and felt
devastated at what I had been going through.
A week later, with his help, I reluctantly went
to see my GP. I sat there sobbing and shaking as
my husband explained the reason for our visit.
The doctor was every bit as understanding as I
could have wished for, and she referred me to
a gynaecology consultant straight away, to talk
through my options.
I explained to the consultant that I couldn’t
allow myself to get pregnant, as I knew I
wouldn’t be able to cope with going into labour
and having a natural birth, but that I also
couldn’t face the thought of having a caesarean
section under local anaesthetic either. >>>

happiful.com | January 2022 | 69

 Visit tommys.org for more information on tokophobia
She was incredibly supportive, and said the
words that I had been longing to hear since I
was a child: “If you need to have a caesarean
under general anaesthetic so you can become a
mother, then that’s what we’ll do.” I got out of the
hospital and cried with relief.
However, more hardship was to follow. In
January 2016, I was diagnosed with polycystic
ovary syndrome. I was given medication to take,
and after seven cycles lasting a year, but only
ovulating twice, I was emotionally and mentally
exhausted, and so I stopped the treatment.
We bought a house and started thinking about
adoption. But God had other plans for us, and in
June 2017 we found out I was pregnant!
Instead of feeling excited, the fear kicked in
straight away. Thankfully, I was able to see my
consultant early in the pregnancy, and get a date
booked in for the caesarean. She even requested
I was first on the list for surgery that day to help
with my anxiety. Early in the pregnancy, I had a
few panic attacks, worried that I would go into
labour prematurely or lose my baby. But this
calmed down as the pregnancy progressed, and
in February 2018 I gave birth to my beautiful
daughter, Aurelia, exactly as planned.
70 | January 2022 | happiful.com
Speaking out loud the fear
you’ve kept inside could be the
start of the life you’ve been
dreaming of
I recovered very quickly from the physical
effects of the birth, and was absolutely in love
with my precious girl. But I knew that I wasn’t
dealing well with not being awake for her birth,
and due to the effects of the anaesthetic, I had
difficulty remembering meeting her for the
first time. I couldn’t watch anything on TV about
women seeing their babies for the first time; I felt
distraught at what I had missed out on.
In January 2019, we had another surprise
when I found out I was pregnant again! I was
delighted, but knew that I needed to ask for
help to come to terms with Aurelia’s birth,
before going through it all again. I contacted the
maternity counselling service at the hospital,
and within a few days I had been referred to
the Birth Afterthoughts service, which I had
never heard of before. I had multiple home
visits from an incredibly helpful woman who

went through the detailed notes of Aurelia’s
birth with me – when she took her first breath,
how soon she cried, what time my husband first
met her, and even where he fed her for the first
time. It was such a relief to know all the tiny
details about her coming into the world that I
had missed out on.
In September 2019, we welcomed our baby
boy, Levi, into the world, again via caesarean
under general anaesthetic. This time, however,
I was encouraged to ask for things to make the
experience better for me and, incredibly, a
midwife even filmed Levi being born for us! The
staff were all amazing, and took lots of photos
and videos so I didn’t miss out on any of his
OUR EXPERT SAYS
The experience that Ali shares with us
is brave and heart-warming. The impact
of tokophobia and its debilitating nature
is evident – a condition which I assume
is relatively unknown for many people.
Ali openly shares her truth, directly
challenging her fears and overcoming
true story
precious first moments. It was such a healing
experience, and it meant I could put my fears
behind me, and start our life together.
My advice to anyone struggling with
tokophobia, whatever stage of life you’re at,
would be to talk about how you feel with
someone you trust. Making yourself vulnerable
and speaking out loud the fear you’ve kept inside,
although incredibly challenging, could be the
start of the life you’ve been dreaming of.
I would also strongly encourage you to speak to
your GP as soon as possible, and to take someone
with you. You’ll be surprised just how much help
and support is available to you.
Finally, don’t be afraid to ask for what you
need; having procedures in place every step of
the way will help you to manage the anxiety and
create better mental and physical health. You
have nothing to lose, but everything to gain.
them to give birth to her two children. Her
strength throughout the process
is present, and has the ability
to provide hope to other people
in similar circumstances.
Rav Sekhon | BA MA MBACP (Accred)
Counsellor and psychotherapist
happiful.com | January 2022 | 71
 5 activities to build intimacy
(that aren’t sex)
Strengthen your bond and feel a deeper connection with
these five activities designed to build intimacy
T
here’s a joke that goes
something like this:
“Yeah, sex is great, but
have you ever x, y, or z?”
It could be nabbing the parking
spot closest to the supermarket,
discovering a fiver in an old coat
pocket, or slipping into a warm
bubble bath at the end of the day.
The point of the joke is a cheeky
nod to life’s other pleasures, the
things that bring us joy, soothe
us, or simply give us something to
smile about.
When it comes to relationships,
yeah, sex is great, but have you ever
deliberately worked on the intimate
bond you share with your partner?
That connection in a relationship is
often the driving force behind good
sex, but it’s also what makes you
feel safe and secure, like you’re on
the same team and can take on the
world’s challenges together.
On the topic of ‘intimacy’, there’s
a tendency to run straight to
fourth base, but here we’re sharing
five sensual activities, to help
you harness a sense of closeness
with your partner outside of the
bedroom.
72 | January 2022 | happiful.com
5
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
Cooking for, and
with, each other
Food and romance go together
like, well, sugar and spice – and
food can also be a wonderful
way to get experimental and
explore new flavours and
sensations with each other,
as well as to relive shared
memories. You might have a
favourite food that you both
can’t wait to sit down and
tuck into together, or perhaps
there’s a dish that has meaning
to you – for example, a meal
you ate on your first date,
wedding, or a memorable trip
together.
What’s more, a survey by
cookware brand Calphalon
asked 1,000 adults how cooking
influences their relationships,
and saw 87% report that
cooking is one of the top
activities couples can do to
strengthen their bond – the
reason being that it encourages
communication. So, if you’re
looking to get hot and steamy,
getting creative in the kitchen is
a great place to start.
Dancing
You don’t need to be a regular
Anton Du Beke to take your
partner for a spin around the
living room floor, in fact, the only
requirement for tapping into the
power of dance is willingness.
A study published in Biology
Letters highlights how dance can
strengthen social bonds, offering
escapism, boosting mood,
confidence and – importantly –
intimacy. Let go and bop along
to your favourite belter, or take
things down a notch with a
sensual slow dance to a romantic
classic. Let your hair down,
and explore what music and
movement mean to you as
a couple.
Micro-affections
A micro-affection is a small
gesture or action that conveys
our love and appreciation for
someone. It could be physical:
hand-holding, cuddling, playing
with someone’s hair, lingering
eye contact, or gentle passing
touches throughout the day. Or,
it could be a quick “I love you” as

you pop out to the shops, showing
gratitude, taking a focused
interest in your partner’s day, and
remembering and recognising
important details and events.
So often in life, it’s the small
things that add up to make a real
difference – and micro-affections
in relationships do just that.
Couples yoga
Couples yoga is all about moving
together, tapping into each
other’s strength and sense of
calm, and spending dedicated
time working on both your bond
and overall wellbeing.
Some poses may focus on
assisted stretching, enabling you
to help each other to feel soothed
and relaxed in your bodies,
others may be more focused on
the intimacy in the partnership
– tantric yoga working more
specifically on sexual intimacy,
with the poses designed to help
you give and receive energy.
You may be able to find classes
near you, but there are a wealth
of both free and paid online
classes and videos that you can
follow from the comfort of your
own home.
Vulnerable conversations
In 1997, Arthur Aron, a social
psychologist and director of the
Interpersonal Relationships
Lab at Stony Brook University,
set out to learn more about
vulnerability and its connection
to intimacy.
relationships
So often in life,
it’s the small
things that add
up to make a real
difference
He paired up students who
were strangers and gave them
45 minutes to ask each other
questions – half the pairs were
given questions that were factual
and shallow, and the other half
were given questions that started
off as factual but became deeper,
their final question being: “Of all
the people in your family, whose
death would you find the most
disturbing?”
What the researchers saw was
that the second group formed a
much deeper bond, many went
on to be friends beyond the study,
and two participants even got
engaged!
There’s something truly special
about creating a relationship
where you can be entirely
vulnerable with each other. When
this happens, you create a safe
and secure base from which to
spring into the rest of your life
with confidence and resilience.
So, dig a little deeper, and see
what you can uncover.
For more relationship insight, visit
counselling-directory.org.uk
happiful.com | January 2022 | 73
 The Happiful family

Are you a wellbeing Register

now!
professional?
Whether you’re a counsellor, life coach,
nutritionist, hypnotherapist or therapist, we
appreciate just how much of a difference
you can make to someone’s life – which is
why we want to help you to help others.

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approach they practice. For more information, please register your interest, and a member of our support team will be in touch!
 positive pointers

Winter wildlife
Help the inhabitants of your garden to thrive through
the colder months with these simple suggestions

Let it be
Wild, that is. Try to save
pruning, and clearing up the
back yard until spring, to
provide undisturbed spots of
sanctuary for critters.

A little shelter
Gathering leaves or logs into
piles offers a cosy home for
hedgehogs and insects. You
could also put up a bird box,
or tie together some bamboo
stems and leave for bugs to
settle in.

Leave a treat
With food sources being
scarcer this time of year,
putting out bird feeders, or
leaving out some nuts or
leftovers, can be really helpful.
Things like cheese, pastry,
and bread, always go down a
treat, but be careful not to put
out anything with salt (as this
can be poisonous to birds), or
porridge oats as these can stick
birds beaks together.
Icebreaker
Water world If you have a pond, you could the surface, and impact
With the lower temperatures, try floating a tennis ball in hibernating animals at the
putting out fresh water in a the water to help prevent it bottom. But try to do so gently,
dish each day can be really freezing over completely, so as to not harm any fish or
helpful for local wildlife – or or if it already has, create frogs within – placing a hot pan
investing in a bird bath if you some holes in it to release gas on the surface should hopefully
have space! that might build up beneath melt through the ice.

happiful.com | January 2022 | 75

 INTO
THE WILD
Could taking your workouts back to nature
come with some wellbeing gains?
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

76 | January 2022 | happiful.com


A
ccording to statista.
com, 10.3 million
people in the UK have
a gym membership,
and the gym and fitness market’s
annual turnover is predicted
to be worth an eye-watering £2
billion. It’s safe to say that going
to the gym is part of our cultural
fibre, and you’ve seen the gym
selfies to prove it. But, of course,
sweating it out in the gym isn’t
the only option when it comes
to working on our fitness, and
there are wellbeing gains to be
had from taking out the structure,
and following your feet towards
movement that feels best to you.
Dubbed ‘green exercise’
by a study published in the
journal Extreme Physiology and
Medicine, researchers believe
that exercising in nature can
have both physical and mental
health benefits – including stress
reduction, restoring mental
fatigue, improving mood and
self-esteem. They also note that
green exercise also leads to an
increase in physical activity, as
it lowers the levels of perceived
exertion – just think, how long
can you walk on a treadmill
compared to strolling through
beautiful landscapes?
But what does rewilding your
workouts look like in practice,
and what else do you have to
gain from it?
Opening the door
When Rachel Rodgers’ personal
trainer suggested leaving the
gym to exercise in the park, she
was mortified at the thought of
exercising where she walked the
dog, and in front of people who
knew her. But there was a good
reason behind this suggestion.
“At the time, I had accepted
a promotion for the large dog
rescue charity I was working for,”
Rachel explains. “I had gone from
being outside with dogs to being
on a computer 8am to 6pm. I was
always inside. She had noticed
my engagement in our sessions
had dipped, and that I was not
in a good place emotionally. I
was cancelling sessions regularly
because of ‘work commitments’,
but really I had just lost all
interest.”
Listening to the
b i rd s , f e e l i n g t h e
g ro u n d b e n e a t h
your feet, it all
p l ay s a ro l e
Although reluctant at first,
Rachel soon saw that the fresh air
was taking her workouts to the
next level.
“With any workout, no matter
how reluctant you are to do it,
you always feel better afterwards.
But the difference was huge for
me when doing my personal
training sessions outside. I was
much more upbeat, happier, and
more relaxed. We even then went
to outdoor yoga with sheep!
“Even though the early starts
can be hard to get into, my
mood and productivity at work
following the sessions are so
much better. Listening to the
birds, feeling the ground beneath
your feet, it all plays a role.”
try this at home
Her anxiety and stress levels,
and even her skin, improved,
to the point where Rachel
is considering ending her
gym membership to workout
exclusively in the outdoors.
One foot out the door
But, of course, it doesn’t have
to be a case of either/or. Sheryl
Morris is a personal trainer who
works in an indoor gym and also
an outdoor gym, called Cargo
Gym. It operates from a shipping
container in a sports ground,
a huge open space surrounded
by trees, using typical gym
equipment like free weights, and
also running circuit style classes
in a beautiful setting.
Sheryl tells us that many
attendees say that they prefer the
outdoor gym to the indoor gym,
saying that they feel they work
harder with fewer distractions,
and they feel closer to nature,
feeling cleaner, and more relaxed
– many also feeling safer since
the start of the pandemic.
“During the first lockdown I had
to think on my feet with regards
to not only my clients, but my
own training, and this is when I
started to use the South Downs
Way to train people and myself,”
Sheryl says.
Famous for its stunning
scenery, the South Downs in East
Sussex provided her with climbs
up hills, vast expanses of fields,
and many obstacles to take
advantage of.
“I would plan a session based
on a circuit route, and the client
and I would hike, jog, and sprint
– but also take advantage of
various benches and steps for >>>
happiful.com | January 2022 | 77

some tricep dips, jumps, or toe
taps along the way. We would
stretch at the start and end the
workout on top of the cliffs, often
watching the sun come up over
the ocean. It’s given me a big rush
of serotonin just recalling it!”
If that sounds idyllic to you,
you’re not alone.
“One of my clients, in particular,
benefited from this training as
they were experiencing a lot of
anxiety. They got into incredible
shape both physically and
mentally, which they wouldn’t
have done at an indoor gym,
because they had no desire to
train in that kind of environment.
Reconnecting them with nature
was the perfect way to help them
find fitness that they loved again.”
Sheryl highlights a good point
here, that good health is so often
about finding out what works
for you and following that route,
rather than sticking to what is
more familiar and which works
for others – who might have a
multitude of needs and desires
that differ from your own.
“I can say with absolute certainty
that working and training
outside works wonders for your
78 | January 2022 | happiful.com
physical and mental health. It’s
so beneficial for everyone, not
just those who experience poor
mental health. It’s something I
never thought I’d end up doing
and, even though my own
training is currently indoors, I
walk miles outside each day as it
makes me feel great, and I now
can’t do without it.”
On the right track
At a time where we’re talking
about the concept of ‘rewilding’
in a lot of different areas of our
lives and processes, it makes
sense that we might want to
apply that to the way that we take
care of our health.
Yes, it might be hill-sprints out
in the open, but it might also
be getting a group of friends
together to do an exercise
routine in the park, doing a spot
of yoga in the back garden, or
just going on a cheek-warming
walk around your local area.
However you choose to do it,
it’s safe to say that combining
the benefits of exercise with
the extra boost of being out in
nature sets a solid foundation for
good health.
Taking it back to nature
Ravi Davda is the CEO of
Rockstar Marketing, a digital
marketing agency. Here, he
shares how he found new
joy in getting outside and
breaking away from structure:
"I'm someone who's loved
the gym for many years
now, so when the pandemic
started, one of my main
concerns was not being
able to go there. The gym is
somewhere where I can be
in my own space for an hour,
somewhere go to destress.
“I'd always been strict
about my workouts, too. Every
workout would be logged in
a gym diary. The pandemic
changed all of this. I started
walking more. I don't mean
walks to the shops, but walks
in nature. I started running
again (I hadn't run outside
for a long time, it was always
on a treadmill). Sometimes,
I would go to my local park,
lake, or field, and do random
bodyweight exercises, such
as press-ups, burpees,
planks, or whatever I felt like
doing. It wasn't about what
I did, but more about being
outside, embracing nature,
and getting some exercise. I
loved it. Especially during the
summer.
“When gyms opened up
again, I got a membership
but didn't go back to my
old routine. I loved being
outside too much! Instead,
I did a couple of days in the
gym, and a couple of days
of exercise outside. Now that
the weather has got dark and
cold, it's harder to enjoy being
outside, but I still get out when
I feel like it. It just goes to
show there's more to workouts
than being in a gym."

0 ways to S
1 UP
ER
CH
AR
GE y
We’ve all heard that ‘breakfast is the
most important meal of the day’, but
how many of us opt to grab a slice of
toast on the way out the door or skip it all
together? Isn’t it time we ensured that we’re
having a nutritious start to the day? Here,
Jenna Farmer discusses how to supercharge
your breakfast in 10 simple steps...
food & health
our breakfast
I
t’s been reported that nearly a third of
us skip breakfast, and a recent survey by
Rowse Honey found that 84% of us have
felt our usual breakfast choices are boring.
For some, there simply isn’t time between the
school run and commute to cook a healthy
breakfast, while for others, hunger doesn’t kick
in until much later in the day.
Whatever our reason is for missing this
meal, the truth is breakfast is important:
studies have shown that skipping breakfast >>>
happiful.com | January 2022 | 79
 can increase your risk of
heart disease and diabetes.
It’s not all about what you eat
either; taking time to enjoy
your breakfast and setting up
a healthy morning routine is
equally important.
“Breakfast is important as it
is the first meal of the day. In
essence one is ‘breaking the
fast’ after a night of sleep,”
explains nutritional therapist
Sonal Shah. “It really does
refuel the body.”
If you don’t have time to batch
cook oats, whizz up a fresh
frittata, or start your morning
off with a 10K run, don’t
despair. Here are 10 quick and
easy ways to supercharge your
breakfast, and get your day off
to the best start.
1. DON’T REACH FOR THE
CAFFEINE STRAIGHT
AWAY.
Most of us roll out of bed and
pop the kettle on as soon as
we wake up, but research
has shown it’s best to drink
your coffee after breakfast
rather than before it. The
study published in the British
Journal of Nutrition found that
drinking coffee before eating
increased the blood glucose
response to breakfast by 50%.
Instead, you could either
swap your morning coffee
for a herbal brew, or make
sure you’ve eaten something
substantial before reaching
for that caffeine.
80 | January 2022 | happiful.com
2. DON’T PUT IT OFF have breakfast within one hour of
UNTIL MID-MORNING. waking if possible, and to make
While some of us don’t feel sure it is nutrient-dense and
hungry when we wake up, Sonal substantial. This is because it will
Shah advises not waiting too long keep one fuller for longer and
before you tuck in. “My personal also prevents overeating later in
and professional opinion is to the day.”
3. MAKE SIMPLE SWAPS.
Most of us can make healthier
changes with a few simple swaps.
Start with your morning juice
and toast; could you swap your
regular OJ for a fresh veggie juice,
or one packed with multivitamins
– such as the Benefit Juice range
(Waitrose, £2.80) which provides
50% reference daily intake of
12 key vitamins? There’s no
reason you can’t tuck into toast,
but you could swap the bread to
wholemeal for a fibre-fix, and
add peanut butter and chopped
banana for a dose of healthy fats
and potassium.
4. PACK A PROTEIN
PUNCH.
Studies have shown
that those who ate a high
protein breakfast had more
energy throughout the day.
Protein can be found in breakfast
staples, from cottage cheese to
greek yoghurt.
“If you include wholefood
proteins such as nuts, seeds, Of course, if you tend to grab a
eggs, dairy yoghurt, fish or smoothie each morning, then a
meat at breakfast, you do not scoop of protein powder might be a
need to add a protein powder to useful addition. Either way, adding
breakfast,” explains Nutritionist some protein to your breakfast will
Resource member Kate ensure you feel fuller for longer,
Dimmer. and get your day off to a great start.

5. LOOK FOR NATURAL
NOOTROPICS.
Another way to supercharge your
breakfast is to look for a herbal
tea that includes nootropics – a
natural substance that’s proven
to boost brain function. Try a tea
such as Theenk Tea’s ‘Morning
Glory’ blend (£12.99, theenk-
tea.com); which also includes
rosemary and ginkgo biloba.
6. DON’T FORGET
TO BREATHE.
“Just two minutes a day can help
maintain good mental health,
and the best time to do it is first
thing,” explains hypnotherapist
Geraldine Joaquim. “Focus on
long slow deep breaths. You can
rest your hands to feel your body
moving with each breath: one
hand on your stomach and one
on your heart. Aim for six to 10
breaths per minute.”
Taking time to do a
short breathing exercise
before you begin the
day can stop your body
automatically turning to
‘fight or flight’ mode
7. SPEND FIVE MINUTES
JOURNALING.
Another way to supercharge your
morning without changing what’s
on your plate is by incorporating
journaling. It’s far more than
just a notebook, as studies have
8. BULK BUY BREAKFAST BITS
SO YOU DON’T RUN OUT.
Bulk buy, or even set up recurring
subscriptions for your favourite
breakfast goodies, to ensure you
never run out. You could try My
Breakfast Box (mybreakfastbox.
co.uk) which gives you the option
to subscribe monthly to receive
breakfast blends that can be used
for overnight oats. Alternatively,
there’s the Squirrel Sisters
Breakfast Box (squirrelsisters.
com, £30) which includes on-the-
go snack bars for breakfast in a
hurry, muesli and porridge oats,
and a range of breakfast toppers.
9. OPT TO FOR A
LOW GI BREAKFAST.
Glycemic index represents the
rise in blood sugar after eating
certain foods. What’s worth
noting is that many breakfast
foods (such as white bread toast
and sugar-packed cereals) are
high in GI. However, research
suggests that aiming for a low
glycemic index brekkie could
have its benefits if you find
yourself snacking mid-morning.
Examples of low GI breakfasts
include rolled or steel cut oats,
apples, yoghurt, eggs, and beans.
shown that journaling can help
with everything from your
immune system to your self-
confidence. You can use a journal
to write your action plan, for
setting intentions, or keeping
track of things you’re grateful for.
food & health
10. MAKE YOUR
OWN JUICE.
“It’s better to make [juices]
homemade or get them delivered
cold press, than buying them
ready-made as the nutrient level
will be lower in supermarket
ones,” explains nutritional
therapist Sonal Shah.
But it’s important to remember
that fruit juice is high in sugar.
“If you do enjoy juices and
smoothies, stick to a small
glass no more than once daily,”
explains Kate Dimmer.
There’s no doubt that prioritising
breakfast is a great way to
support your overall wellbeing,
so get involved to get your day off
to the best possible start.
Jenna Farmer is a freelance
journalist who specialises in
writing about gut health. She has
Crohn’s disease and blogs about her
journey to improve gut health at
abalancedbelly.co.uk
Sonal Shah is a
nutritional therapist,
health tutor, and
director of Synergy
Nutrition.
Kate Dimmer
is a registered
nutritional therapist
and health coach.
Geraldine Joaquim
is a clinical
hypnotherapist
specialising in stress
and women’s health.
For more professional support, check
out our Happiful app
happiful.com | January 2022 | 81
 Andy Gill Deconstructing
people-pleasing
BA NLP E-RYT JSY500 AC BWY

Andy Gill is a multi-modal

therapist who uses coaching,
hypnotherapy, and yoga to
meet his clients’ needs.
Find out more by visiting
lifecoach-directory.org.uk
What are the signs that you could be a people-
pleaser, and how does it affect our wellbeing?
Our expert columnist Andy Gill explores the
tendency, and has tips for breaking free
Writing | Andy Gill

A
s a recovering
people-pleaser, I am
very aware of the
personal cost of this
habit. Many of us ‘people please’
in some form or other, and it
remains something that I have to
work hard not to slip into.
In interactions with other
people, we want them to be happy
with us, we want to feel accepted
by them, and viewed positively.
People-pleasing is one way to do
this, and while it can be effective,
it’s not a mature or healthy
approach to human relations.
We can define a people-pleaser
as a person who has a compulsive
emotional need to make sure
others are happy. There is nothing
wrong with wanting people to
be happy, but a people-pleaser
will make this more important
than anything else in order to
be approved, accepted, liked, or
loved. This comes at the expense
of meeting their own needs,
desires, or preferences.
They will say ‘yes’ to a request
even when they want to say ‘no’,
because the latter would risk
critical judgement, rejection,
or even abandonment. For a
people-pleaser, this is a terrifying
prospect, a threat to their very
survival.
People-pleasing comes from a
younger part of us. It is a strategy
we adopt as young children when
we feel vulnerable and powerless
around authority figures. When
we feel threatened – or fear
rejection or abandonment –
people-pleasing keeps us safe.
It is compliant and submissive
in nature: we do what we can
to be seen as good and worthy.
The problem comes when we
continue to people please into
adulthood, and it hinders our
emotional development.
In my own experience, people-
pleasing affected my ability
to form and maintain healthy
personal and work relationships.
When you build relationships on
a foundation of pleasing others,
you end up in relationships
that are unsatisfying and fail
to meet your needs. There are
also many people who will use
people-pleasers for their own
gratification, as people-pleasers

82 | January 2022 | happiful.com


have poor or non-existent
boundaries, and in shifting
themselves to meet the needs of
others, they can get bent out of
shape or trampled.
But while learning to set and
maintain healthy boundaries is
an important part of recovering
from people-pleasing, the key
step is to understand who you
are, and what you stand for.
After spending so much time
focusing on others, and perhaps
even adopting their beliefs, you
may have lost sight of what is
important to you. But you can
find them again by identifying
your values, the core beliefs that
represent what you stand for.
Take time to identify your
values; search online and you
will find a range of tools and
exercises that help you with this.
Once you have your core values,
you will have a framework to
guide your behaviours and
actions in any situation, and the
information will come in the form
of feelings as well as thoughts.
People-pleasers have learned
not to listen to, or value,
their feelings in the past. Yet
feelings are an invaluable early
warning system for the self, so
that when someone requests
something of you that feels
wrong or uncomfortable it is an
indication that the self is being
compromised.
My clients often feel that they
need to justify themselves with
logic and reason. I tell them that
EXPERT COLUMN
Are you a
people-pleaser?
Ask yourself these questions.
If you answer ‘yes’ to any
or all of the below, you may
have some people-pleasing
tendancies.
1. Do you say ‘yes’ to requests
from others, even when you
want to say ‘no’?
2. Do you feel unworthy or
that lack value?
3. Do you feel unsure about
your boundaries, or that
they’re not always healthy?
4. Do you struggle to stand up
for yourself?
5. Do you adopt the values
and beliefs of others to fit in
and be accepted?
6. Do you struggle to meet
your emotional and
physical needs? Do you feel
exhausted all the time?
a feeling is reason enough to
either ask for time or say no.
Your feelings will tell you when
something is ‘right’ for you. And
when you can respect and act on
your feelings you will naturally
set and maintain healthy
boundaries. When you can
maintain healthy boundaries, you
will know when to say no.
happiful.com | January 2022 | 83

health, it can be hard to know how to help them – as
much as you want to. Here, we’re sharing seven simple,
practical ways you can be there in their time of need.
Offer to help with chores.
If you’re already stopping by with
food or household bits, you could
quickly do a bit of washing up if
you see plates stacking up, or ask
if they need help to pay any bills,
or make appointments.
Drop off some food. If
you make something that
can be portioned off, or
kept as leftovers, taking it
round for your friend so
that they can simply heat it
up can be a big help.
Practical ways
to help someone
with depression
When a loved one is struggling with their mental
Pick up essentials. Grab a
few extras when you’re at the
shops to help tide your loved
one over, such as bread, milk,
or some loo roll.
Lend an ear. Listening,
without judgement, can
be invaluable – you don’t
need to have all the
Signpost support. If your friend answers or a magical
voices that they need help, solution. Above all, being
that’s a huge step in itself. You there will mean so much.
can support them if they don’t
know what to do next by sharing
helplines, helping them to look
into or book therapy, or attending
doctor appointments if they want
you beside them. Send the invitation. They
may want to withdraw and
not socialise right now, but
it’s important to let them
know they’re still welcome,
whenever they’re ready.
Celebrate their little wins.
Whether it’s making it out of
bed, doing the hoovering, or
brushing their teeth, cheer
them on for every small step.

A moment of calm
Who better to share essential tips and insight on how to create calming
techniques for children, than Jaime Amor, founder of Cosmic Kids Yoga?
B
efore taking to the stage
to host a live story-telling
yoga session at Camp
Bestival last summer,
Jaime Amor – the genius behind
Cosmic Kids Yoga – laid out 50
yoga mats.
“I thought I’d get about 30
people in the crowd because
it was 10am… then 700 people
turned up!” She laughs, in
apparent disbelief.
It’s certainly been a whirlwind
two years for the classically-
trained actress. A decade ago,
Jaime was working as a children’s
entertainer, dressing up in
character and telling stories at
kids’ parties, then after retraining
as a yoga teacher, she launched
a story-infused yoga after-school
Writing | Gemma Calvert
club. The uptake was so good that
Jaime later rolled the initiative
into 14 more schools. Then
Jaime’s husband Martin had a
brainwave.
At the time, broadband was
on the up, and more and more
people were creating shared
content, so the couple hired a
videographer, recorded some
yoga stories, and uploaded them
to YouTube. Then they watched
as, slowly but surely, Cosmic
Yoga Kids developed a global
following.
By 2020 – and 400 videos,
plus a dedicated app later – the
brand was achieving 100,000
views daily, then when Covid
hit, numbers soared to above a
million as thousands of teachers
positive pointers
wrote Cosmic Yoga into home-
learning timetables, and
frazzled parents became reliant
on the bumper library of videos
to captivate their kids.
“Kids will sometimes do
three yoga adventures in a row
– that’s an hour and a half’s
worth of yoga, which rewards
the children with exercise
and mindfulness, and gives
the parent the space and time
to cook the dinner or have a
shower. That’s a gift to a lot of
parents,” says Jaime, whose
blend of cheerily-delivered
stories and sun salutations also
promotes emotional intelligence
by delivering messages of
gratitude, empowerment, and
self-confidence. >>>
happiful.com | January 2022 | 85
 Find out more about Cosmic Kids Yoga on their
website cosmickids.com where you can download the
Cosmic Kids App for hundreds of ad-free yoga and
mindfulness videos for kids. Or head over to YouTube
to explore the Cosmic Kids Yoga channel.

calm, you’re building resilience in

motion in that moment because
you’re calming yourself down
in an uncomfortable spot. It’s
about getting comfortable in the
uncomfortable.”
She adds: “Kids need space
sometimes to process their
emotions, build awareness, and get
to know themselves. Life is about
understanding yourself, and that
time to reflect really only happens
when we’re in calm, in silence.
As well as building core strength,
supporting and strengthening the
immune system, and improving
balance and posture, yoga helps
rebalance energy levels, and is
proven to benefit sleep patterns,
increase confidence, and improve
memory retention. It’s no wonder
Jaime has been labelled a modern
day Mary Poppins, such is the
magic of what she does with
children.
Here, Jaime Amor shares her
guide to creating calm for kids...

1. Create a worry box

“It’s the stories, the theatrics,
the mindfulness, the movement,”
she adds. “It’s a fantastic formula
for wellbeing, and a lesson about
how to live.”
According to Jaime, who felt a
deep sense of “responsibility to
children during lockdown”, the
physical and mental benefits of
yoga, the very nature of sitting
quietly with their thoughts, help
kids to not just process tricky
emotions, but also to identify
them in the first place.
“Our bodies can teach us a lot
about what’s going on mentally,”
she says. “The word yoga means a
union of body, mind, and spirit, so
when you practise yoga, you’ve got
a channel between your body and
mind, using your breath to notice
what’s going on. When you’re
feeling challenged in a pose, if
you use your breath to become
Take an old tissue box and make
it your own – paint it, put on some
googly eyes, make it look like a
monster mouth. Then take some
paper and encourage your child
to write down things that might
be worrying them. Once they’ve
popped the paper in their monster
worry box, they can go back the
following day and ask themselves:
“Am I still worried about that?”
Putting the worry in the box is like
a bit of mental housekeeping. It
removes it from them. For kids who
don’t yet have the language, they

86 | January 2022 | happiful.com


can get out their crayons and let
their worries out through drawing
and colour.
2. Make a mind jar
This is a bit like a snow globe.
Squidge glitter glue into a jar with
some water, mix it all up, then
put it down and watch it settle. It’s
like a metaphor for your child’s
mind. All those little flecks of
glitter represent the thoughts and
feelings whizzing around in their
brain, but if they settle down and
are calm and still for a while, the
thoughts and feelings slowly sink.
Then they can see through the
glass again, because it’s clear.
3. Petal breaths
When a child is in a ‘whoosh’
of emotions, if we reflect their
energy we can get into a bit of a
tangle. If we go to the opposite
extreme, and approach the
situation from a grounded place
by breathing calmly, it diffuses
the negative energy. Petal breaths
are very grounding and good for
both children and adults.
Draw all your fingers up
together and as you breathe in,
open your hands out really wide
then as you breathe out, draw
them back up together again.
The physical action of opening
and closing your hands in time
with your inhale and exhale – a
long deep breath – will settle any
turbulent emotions.
4. Ring that bell
Bells are a great way of training
your little one’s attention. By
tuning their listening sense,
they’re focusing on one thing, so
all thoughts trickle away and they
reach a place of stillness. Doing
this regularly, helps train their
attention so they’re better able to
concentrate at school, or listen
when they’re being spoken to.
If you have a bell and so does
your child, encourage your child
to ring their bell whenever you
ring yours. It’s a call and response
action that says, ‘we’re both here’.
If you don’t want to use a bell,
find a word or a signal to bring
your child into the moment.
5. Pose like a pro
Tree pose
Absolutely cracking for helping
kids feel long, tall, and strong in
their spine. It also practises their
sense of balance so when real life
wobbly moments happen, they
can use this pose to feel more
capable and confident.
Do it by… Standing tall, place
the heel of your foot on top
of the other. Use your toes
for balance, so your knee
sticks out to the side. Bring
your hands together at
your heart, and grow your
branches (your arms) up tall.
Mountain
By feeling their feet on the
ground and lifting the top of their
head towards the mountains, the
child fills their space and uses
their physical power to power up
internally.
positive pointers
Do it by… Stand tall, feet
hip distance apart, arms
relaxed by our sides. Roll
the shoulders back and
down and clear your mind
completely, like you’re on top
of a mountain, breathing the
freshest air. Totally powerful
in complete stillness.
Downward Dog
A go-to pose post lunch if your
child is feeling a bit sleepy. After
getting upside down with the
heart above the head, more
oxygenated blood runs down into
their brain, which revitalises and
refreshes. In the pose,
they’ll feel a stretch
all the way down the
spine and legs.
Do it by… From
all fours we tuck the toes and
press our feet and hands into
the floor. We lift our hips to the
sky slowly, stretching our legs
long, letting the head and neck
be loose. Spend 30 seconds to
a minute in the pose to feel
energised.
6. Brain Breaks
A five to 10 minute movement-
based sequence – a dance or
twisting and turning all parts of
the body, patting the body, or
doing a little sequence of yoga
poses – to refocus your child
after they’ve done something a
bit ‘thinky’. Physically moving
gets the body oxygenated, and
gives their brain time to refresh
and reset for the next activity.
happiful.com | January 2022 | 87
“ We’re going to
beat the winter
blues as a family
this RED January.”
REDers, Delilah, Zara, Quinn and Ozzy the dog

Join thousands of people across the UK this January by moving

every day, your way, to boost your mental wellbeing.

Sign up at redtogether.co.uk
88 | January 2022 | happiful.com

Under
pressure
W
e’ve all been there:
a gentle nudge and
classic puppy-dog
eye plea, while
proffering a foot in your partner’s
direction. We do this in the hopes
that our partner or ‘lucky’ family
member will soothe our aching
muscles, tense shoulders, and
busy minds. And the power of
massage can do just that. But
while our efforts with our other
halves may not always be fruitful
when they’ve had a long day as
well, there is one practice you can
do yourself to reap the benefits of
massage.
Known to focus on certain points
in the body to promote self-
healing, acupressure is a specific
massage technique that is believed
to reduce pain, release emotional
Discover how to stimulate pressure
points to relieve anxiety
Writing | Katie Hoare
distress, and aid toxin expulsion to
contribute to whole-body health.
Acupressure practitioners believe
that illness occurs when the body’s
‘qi’ – natural energy – becomes
unbalanced or blocked, and disease
and negativity can therefore settle
in the body. To restore equilibrium,
acupressure can be practised
by putting pressure on certain
‘acupoints’ around the body to clear
meridians (energy pathways).
Alongside clearing meridians,
the gentle pressure and circular
motion of acupressure – known as
‘acupuncture without the needles’
– helps to ease muscle tension and
promote blood flow, contributing
to optimum physical health.
The ancient practice can also be
particularly helpful for mental
health conditions such as anxiety
words of wisdom
and depression, due to its energy-
balancing properties, and calming
nature.
Acupressure for anxiety
Stimulating specific pressure
points in the body through self-
massage is thought to help ease
anxiety in the moment. So whether
it’s at work, on public transport,
in the supermarket, or at home,
acupressure can help to calm your
breathing, allow stillness in your
mind, and bring back an overall
sense of control.
While more research needs to
be conducted to determine the
effectiveness of acupressure
for anxiety, early research does
support it, and Chinese medicine
has practised this holistic
treatment for centuries. >>>
happiful.com | January 2022 | 89
 Of course, depending on
the anxiety you struggle with,
certain pressure points may ease
anxiety more than others, and a
trained practitioner will be able
to administer the therapy most
effectively, but here we can still
explore six pressure points in the
body that you can try at home,
which could provide some relief
from anxiety.

1. Hegu
Located between your thumb and
forefinger, open your hand and
find the ‘webbed’ area. Close your
thumb and forefinger (from the
other hand) together around the
webbed section, and slide down
slightly so you reach the base of
the thumb. Hegu is thought to
release endorphins that dull pain
and contribute to reducing your
anxiety levels.
Apply firm pressure in a circular
motion for approximately five
minutes, and repeat on the
opposite hand.
It’s important to note that acupressure
should only be practised when
your physical symptoms have been
diagnosed as anxiety. If symptoms
persist leading to nausea, shortness
of breath, and dizziness, seek medical
assistance immediately.
2. Taiyuan Turn your hand so the palm is
Helpful for calming the physical facing upwards and look for a
symptoms of anxiety, such as slight indent at the edge of the
heart palpitations and chest pain, wrist, directly below the thumb.
Taiyuan can be located at the Apply gentle pressure, and
very edge of the wrist, on the side massage for approximately one
closest to the thumb. minute.

90 | January 2022 | happiful.com


Acupressure is a specific
massage technique that
is believed to reduce pain,
release emotional distress,
and aid toxin expulsion
3. Lao Gong
When you make a fist, see
where your ring finger lands
in the palm of your hand, this
spot is called Lao Gong. When
Lao Gong is stimulated through
gentle massage, and coupled
with mindful breathing, it can be
helpful in easing anxiety and any
trauma-related distress. Apply
moderate pressure, and massage
for two to three minutes, focusing
your attention solely on this point.
4. Shou San Li
In acupressure, it is thought that
Shou San Li affects the energy
flow to the large intestine, so
symptoms such as nausea,
diarrhoea, and vomiting may be
eased through stimulation of this
acupoint.
To find Shou San Li, bend your
arm across your body, palm
facing upwards. Find the elbow
crease, and move your thumb
two fingers’ width down the arm,
palpate the area until you find
the most tender point, and then
massage with medium pressure
for approximately three
minutes.
5. Yin Tang
Located between the centre
of the eyebrows, the Yin Tang
point is believed to help with
feelings of agitation and
restlessness. This acupoint is
considered to be where your
third eye is located, which
in Hinduism is thought to
improve mental clarity. Apply
gentle pressure, and massage
this area for no longer than
five minutes.
While more research
is needed in relation to
chronic anxiety, a 2018
review published in the
journal Medical Acupuncture
did suggest that Yin Tang
acupuncture or acupressure
helped reduce acute anxiety
in people who were about to
undergo surgery.
words of wisdom
6. An Mian
If anxious thoughts keep you
awake at night, stimulating An
Mian while in bed may be able
to help quieten the mind in
preparation for a restful sleep.
The two points of An Mian
are located on either side of the
neck, behind the ears. Place
your forefingers behind each
earlobe and move your fingers
backwards, just past the bony
bump behind your ears, and
apply light pressure for two to
three minutes.
As well as helping those
struggling with anxiety,
acupressure and acupuncture
is believed to aid those
experiencing nauseous feelings,
and with the potential to help
relieve allergy symptoms. So, if
you’d like to explore the practise
further, or find a verified
acupressurist who could support
you, visit therapy-directory.org.uk
– part of the Happiful family.
happiful.com | January 2022 | 91
 How to stay motivated as a
working adult with ADHD
Navigating the workplace as an adult with ADHD isn’t without
its unique challenges, but there are steps you can take to
nurture motivation, and continue to thrive
Writing | Charlie Swarbrooke Illustration | Rosan Magar

I
f you live with ADHD
(attention deficit
hyperactivity disorder), you
know it can be hard to push
yourself to do the things you need
to do. You can focus on something
you love for hours on end, but you
just can’t find the same energy for
the other areas of your life.
As an adult with ADHD, you
can find yourself becoming
easily distracted, hyperactive,
bored, and impulsive, when
faced with tasks you don’t want
to do. These symptoms crop up
most often in the workplace, and
they can seriously hamper your
professional success – and you
may even feel like you’re being
held back.
As someone with ADHD, you
may find it hard to recognise time
constraints, or make decisions
when necessary – but your ability
to stay motivated and on track
in this working situation can be
made much more manageable
with the following methods.
Start with 10 minutes
Sometimes known as the
‘Pomodoro Technique’, this is
a method to stop time from
getting the best of you, and
to enable you to get on with
tasks without having to pull
everything together at the last
second. You take a task, set a
timer for about 25 minutes,
then take a five-minute break
when the timer goes off. After
four blocks, take an even longer
break, and repeat.
However, we can make
this even simpler. If you’re
someone who hates the idea of
scheduling your day, and you
can’t pull together the energy to
do so, just start with 10 minutes.
Why does this work? Because
you get the gears going. Start
with the task you’re dreading
the most, and just spend 10
minutes on it. Once the timer
goes off, you might actually find
it difficult to pull yourself away
from the job at hand.
Bulk tasks together
When you’ve got a lot to do, you
might as well get it all done at once,
right? In a perfect world, you’d
be able to take on three or four
tasks at once. However, having to
make decisions to do this can feel
like they’re causing physical pain
when you have ADHD. So cut out
the steps and ‘bulk up’ instead.
While you’re waiting for the kettle
to boil, why not put those dishes in
the sink? While you’re waiting for
your computer to boot up, why not
put those clothes in the washing
basket?
Create a fun challenge
ADHD brains respond very well
to a puzzle or a challenge. Those
of us with ADHD love to get stuck
into interesting things that require
solving – it’s why so many of us can
fall down a ‘Wikipedia rabbit hole’
that started with a single, simple
search! And it can be a good idea
to apply the same principle to your
working needs.

92 | January 2022 | happiful.com


Note down all of
your positive ADHD
traits whenever
you feel like an
imposter
So, try to turn the task you can’t
face into a challenge. Set a timer,
and see if you can ‘beat the clock’
by getting something done in the
shortest time possible. You can
also come back to this, again and
10
again, to see if you’ve improved
your ‘score’. Similarly, if you’re
someone who often struggles to
pay attention during meetings,
challenge yourself to take down
three to five notes about what’s
been said.
Talk to yourself differently
The way you talk to yourself
has a huge impact on the way
you adapt to your environment.
Maybe your inner voice has been
cultivated by negative comments
from parents, other relatives,
teachers, and your old boss,
and now it’s hard to think any
wellbeing
other way, even without their
influence.
But your ADHD does not make
you a lazy or unintelligent,
or undeserving person. So
try to speak to yourself in a
more soothing and productive
manner. For example, stop
telling yourself you ‘should
do’, and instead use the much
more gentle and self-motivating
‘want to’. Note down all of your
positive traits whenever you feel
like an imposter, and remind
yourself of the creative, detail-
orientated, and innovative
person ADHD makes you.
 One day you will look
back and see that all
along you were blooming
MORGAN HARPER NICHOLS

Photography | Isiah Jackman

94 | January 2022 | happiful.com

 true story

Discovering my true calling

Beth’s passion for wellbeing and natural skincare inspired her to channel
her creativity into a new business, and, fortunately, helped her to manage
symptoms when she endured inflammatory bowel disease flare-ups
Writing | Beth Coldrick

I
grew up in Sandbanks, Dorset, right by the
sea, and have always felt like I was destined to
do something creative to help people. I have
more than 10 years’ experience in the beauty
industry, and have been in love with natural
skincare for even longer. I literally used to make
face masks and body scrubs from ingredients
I found in the kitchen – my mum wasn’t that
impressed! So, you can imagine my delight when
I finally began living my dream of running my
own natural organic and vegan skincare brand,
but it has been an adventure getting there!
I attended university in London, studying
graphic design and photography, and while
these are creative subjects, I knew in the long
run I wasn’t the type of person to be stuck
behind a computer. So, in 2002 I decided to go
travelling; I lived in Cape Town, South Africa, for
10 months where I learnt to surf, met so many
amazing people, and I was exposed to a whole
new way of living.
I then went on to Australia in 2004, and stayed
for four years. Living there I experienced a new-
found holistic and nourishing lifestyle; it was an
eye-opener and one that I hadn’t experienced
in the UK. I believed then (and still do) that
Australians are way ahead in the wellness
industry.
My day job was teaching surfing to backpackers
– this was the main reason I moved to Oz, and
I loved it. Then I would spend my weekends
visiting gorgeous markets and music festivals,
where I got to sample new foods and natural
skincare products – I was in heaven and
discovered my true calling.
I was so inspired that in 2006 I completed my
diploma in Natural Beauty Therapy and Nutrition,
and then started my career in the beauty industry.
However, in 2009, upon returning home from
Australia, I became very poorly, and was diagnosed
with ulcerative colitis and Crohn’s disease.
Ulcerative colitis is inflammation of the lower
end of your digestive system, including your large
bowel and rectum, whereas Crohn’s disease is the
inflammation of anywhere throughout the entire
digestive tract. Being an auto-immune disease,
it can be tricky to manage as every person is
different.
I have always experienced stomach issues,
but nothing like the severity I had in 2009. I was
rushing to the toilet 15 times a day, losing blood,
being sick, and not eating. Some days I was not
able to even move, and I had to be put on drugs,
including steroids. It was a harrowing time, and
I saw both my body and mind change in a matter
of months. >>>

happiful.com | January 2022 | 95


It was a harrowing time, and
I saw both my body and mind
change in a matter of months
In spite of this, I managed to get into remission.
So, in 2010 I opened my own beauty business. I
started from home with only three customers, but
in the space of six months, I was working full-time
offering waxing, massages, and facials.
I knew my passion lay with treating the skin, so
in 2012 I travelled up to London to study more,
completing courses in making natural skincare
products. I then went on to expand my business
and opened a high-end beauty salon in 2014,
which was a massive success but came to an end
in early 2018.
I had been handling my IBD (inflammatory bowel
disease) well up until then, but it really began to
take its toll, and after years on medications, I began
to get terribly ill again. Unfortunately, this led to the
closure of my salon, and the physical effects were
devastating compared to my previous flare-up.
96 | January 2022 | happiful.com
One of the symptoms that came with my IBD
was my skin’s extreme sensitivity – it was sore,
red, and I often would break out with painful
cystic acne, which really impacted my mental
health. Skin is the first thing you see when you
look in the mirror, and it was so bad that I was
reluctant to leave the house, or to see friends.
My saving grace was my knowledge, and my
determination to make myself feel better. I put
100% of my energy into creating skin products
that would calm, nourish, and heal my skin. I
mixed natural balms, oils, and creams, which
dramatically improved my skin, and with it,
my confidence. I then decided to launch BAO
Skincare, to help other people with similar
problems to myself, as well as those who wanted
luxury, ethically sourced, no-nasty skincare!
BAO stands for Beth’s Aromatherapy Organic.
I had a loyal customer base, and was gaining
new customers from all over the country. But
again, my IBD continued to raise its ugly head,
and I spent the majority of 2019 in hospital. I was
very sick, and when I wasn’t in hospital, I was
housebound and constantly using the toilet.
Unfortunately, I wasn’t getting better, so the
last resort resulted in me having two very major
operations, and I am now living with a stoma
bag. They discovered that my IBD was mostly
ulcerative colitis, which led to having my large
intestines removed. This procedure means the

Visit baoskincare.co.uk for more.
disease is mostly gone from my body, although
I still deal with a lot of other physical and
emotional issues daily.
I have always been a strong woman, and I am
able to ‘cope’ with a lot, but this past year my
mental health has also really suffered. Gaining
weight from steroids completely knocked my
confidence, and even now I try on five outfits
before I leave the house and feel comfortable.
I was put on antidepressants for six months
while having my operations, and during my
recovery. I felt it was the best thing I could have
done, and they really helped me with my battles.
I am now off them and feeling better, although
I still have my down days, and I am being active
OUR EXPERT SAYS
As someone who had a clear idea of how to use
her creativity, Beth grasped her life with both
hands – but that journey has been changed
by IBD. While there are many unpleasant
symptoms, and an impact on her business,
Beth uses her knowledge to battle it. Thanks to
her determination and strength, she has fought
true story
and eating healthily. Thankfully, I love exercise
and I have my wonderful dog, Walter, that I walk
every day, and living right by the sea helps!
And then we reached 2020. It’s safe to say it wasn’t
the best year for anybody, however for me, it was a
reflective time and I am very happy to say, a busy
time for BAO! I am a small, one-woman brand (with
the help of Walter), and I make all of the products
by hand, label the jars and bottles, create our social
media, and if you ever contact BAO you will come
through to me. I have so many exciting things
planned for BAO Skincare and now my health is
better, I am going full steam ahead.
I am very blessed that my boyfriend has been
through everything with me, along with my
wonderful parents and close friends. People are
my true passion in life, and I love talking to them,
I love making people feel good about themselves,
and I love to inspire them.
both the physical and mental challenges,
and using her strong support
system shows us the value of
accepting help, and taking time
for recovery.
Graeme Orr | MBACP (Accred) counsellor
happiful.com | January 2022 | 97
 Things to
leave in 2021…
Commenting on people’s weight or bodies.
Even if what you’re saying seems like a compliment to you,
we can’t know what another person is going through, or if a
comment could be triggering. The best solution therefore, is
to simply take the conversation off the table.

The idea that if

you’re not rushed
off your feet all
the time, you’re
being lazy.
If you force yourself to work
at 100% all the time, it’s not
Asking people when they’re performing at your best
buying a house / getting anymore – it becomes the
‘norm’, and means you’ll
married / having kids etc. always be striving for more
You can have the best intentions, but it’s important to respect when there’s no reserves left
people’s boundaries. If they don’t instigate the conversation, these in the tank. All this is, is a fast
questions could bring up painful, or difficult feelings. You don’t track to burnout.
know anyone’s journey, and their life path is only your business if
they choose to open up to you directly.
Self-sabotaging Making choices
Always putting other based on what’s
people first at the expected of you.
expense of your own – or because it’s what
needs, procrastinating everyone else is doing.
so you don’t have time You have to live your
for your development, or life for you.
allowing negative self-talk
to convince you not to go
for what you want – you
deserve better than this!
Letting fear hold you back.
Self-doubt is so last year. In 2022,
be your own personal cheerleader.
You’ve got this.
‘DON’T GIVE UP YET MY LOVE,
IT DOESN’T FEEL LIKE IT’S TIME.
HOPE IS COMING’

DECEMBER 2ND
Publishing the best books to help you live a good life
@YellowKiteBooks Twitter @YellowKiteBooks @YellowKiteBooks
happiful.com | December 2021 | 99
 THE UK’S POSITIVE
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