INSPIRATION

Leader Identity Narrative

Crystal Sarrazin

Arizona State University

OGL 482: Pro Seminar II

Andi Hess

November 3, 2023
INSPIRATION

While I have decades of life and leadership experiences ahead of me, I have

encountered numerous situations that have taught me and accumulated to my current

leadership ability. Throughout this time I have had my fair share of highs, lows and

moments that have changed the trajectory of my competency. Below I will share my

Leadership Turning Points Graph to display the course of my life thus far and to act as a

guide as I dive into the experiences that made me the leader I am today.

The following discussion will follow a chronological order with most points

signifying the last four years of my life (2019-2023). The one outlier comes from a

notable experience I had when I was in fifth grade.

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The first high point in my ‘leadership career’ comes from a comment I received

from my fifth grade teacher, and is the only chronological outlier I will discuss. We had

an assignment that was a show and tell of sorts, we were tasked with teaching the other

students a skill, recipe or other important life knowledge; one student taught the class

how to floss. Having a passion for baking (which I still hold today) I taught everyone in

my class how to make my favorite after school snack; it was nothing crazy, just a banana

with some peanut butter, whipped cream and sprinkles. The compliment wasn’t

awarded on the significance of the snack itself, but on how I was able to teach and help

the members of my class learn and create this yummy and simple recipe. I explained the

steps and would go into ‘the crowd’ to provide personal assistance to whoever needed it.

Because of this, I not only got an A on the assignment, but I was told that I would make

an amazing teacher. This comment filled me with joy and showed me that I have skills I

could use to make an impact in the lives of others, the same way the teachers I had, did

for me.

Something I have noticed about me is that what I want to do ‘forever’, is exactly

what I am doing ‘now’. At the time of this complement, all I knew was school so I was

ecstatic to hear such a comment. I had genuine plans of becoming a teacher until I was a

junior in high school, and it is still one of my back-up plans. Later in my life I studied

film and was obsessed, hoping that I would someday be an editor, I went to college for

media studies. After seeing the insecurity and unreliability of the film industry I went

looking for something that would give me more stability. After spending a couple

months in hospitals, I had a passion to become a nurse. Now that I have been in a

leadership position for over four years, what I want to do is be the best damn leader an
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organization has ever seen. While this may change in the future, at this point in my life I

am pursuing something that makes me happy and fulfills me in many aspects of my life.

I have learned that I take the most inspiration from what is in front of me. My

role models have never been superheroes or famous people, rather the individuals in my

life who have guided me and inspired me to grow and become more like them.

Moving forward into literal leadership experiences that have developed me into

the person I am today, I would like to discuss my first actual day as a leader. I started

working at Starbucks a year after graduating high school (2018), I came in as a barista

and through hard work and dedication I was able to move up at my store rather quickly.

My one year with the company was simultaneously my first day as a supervisor. This

was a very high moment in not only my leadership career but my life, as I learned I can

do anything I put my mind to. While I was technically a leader, in all honesty, I wasn’t

prepared for it; I had a whole lot to learn about myself, how to communicate and how to

lead others.

The first major turning point in my leadership career stemmed from the dynamic

I had with one of my co-supervisors (Kristina). This was an overwhelming point in my

life, the stresses of leadership, Starbucks, college and all of the other factors prevalent in

my life caused me to have a not so great attitude. I felt a power struggle between

Kristina and myself (which in reality was not there) and saw our dynamic as a

competition rather than an opportunity for teamwork; which of course resulted in me

not liking her all that much. I was short, unhelpful and overall not a great person to her,

which would cause me to lash out against her.

One day my manager (Katie) sat me down, asked me to explain my actions and

pointed out all of the negatives I brought up in the above paragraph. While the
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conversation sucked, it recentered me and showed the importance of teamwork, and

how my own actions can inhibit positive work experiences. Leaving this conversation

Katie asked one major thing of me, to apologize to Kristina. I wasn’t good at apologizing.

Instead I had a tendency to blame the actions of others for making me react in such a

way, expecting them to apologize to me. I don’t remember exactly what I did in this

situation, but I was able to recognize the truth of Katie’s words and went out and offered

Kristina a formal apology.

While the above graph does not signify this as a positive turning point due to the

negative experiences I had later, it truly was beneficial to me by teaching me how to

acknowledge and apologize for my actions. By taking the first steps in rebuilding our

relationship, we were actually able to create a real connection that we still hold to this

day. Kristina told me later that this was the moment she grew to respect me and saw the

person I would be able to become.

The first real low in my leadership timeline came from personality assessments

we took in the introductory OGL classes here at ASU. Survey after survey I was

presented with information about myself that I didn’t want to see. I was extremely

neurotic in terms of my own mental stability, reacted through anger under stress and I

had no ability to stand up for myself or for what I believed was right (unless you

consider a screaming match to fit that description, but I don’t). While my results were

heartbreaking, they were a lens for me to begin truly seeing myself objectively. Yes this

was one one of the lowest points in my leadership timeline, but instead of categorizing

the results as weaknesses, I looked at them as opportunities and guidelines for

improvement.
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The next low, and honestly the hardest long term thing I experienced throughout

my leadership career comes from the COVID-19 pandemic. I started the pandemic in

San Francisco, where we took the guidelines and restrictions very seriously. Something I

was responsible for was ensuring that every individual was wearing a mask as they were

inside the store. I was very strict because I was concerned for the safety of my partners,

but also I didn’t want the store to get shut down for health code violations regarding

masks. At first it wasn’t so bad, the first couple months I didn’t fully mind telling people

to put masks on, getting in verbal fights and having to kick out people for not wanting to

follow this very simple rule (even when masks were provided). After about six months I

was fed up and made jokes every single day that if I didn’t have to tell a customer to put

a mask on I would give the entire staff $100 each (it never happened).

Flash forward, I moved to Los Angeles where they really didn’t care much about

the pandemic. At Starbucks I would go through two boxes of masks a day, handing them

out to customers who ‘forgot’ or blatantly didn’t care. After telling people to wear masks

at least 50 times a day, for over two years, it truly broke me. People made me feel

horrible, I was called a Nazi, a racist and numerous other things that obviously broke my

spirit. I didn’t like being a leader and I hated coming to work everyday. While I didn’t

agree that it was time for the mask mandate to be lifted, I was grateful that it was; I

couldn’t continue my day-to-day life like this. While this was the first, and almost only

time I considered changing my career path, it showed me the importance of

perseverance.

Moving forward, and upwards, another one of my OGL classes tasked us with

surveying the people around us to get an idea of where we stood on certain aspects. The

response I valued the most was the one where I got the lowest scores. Most of my other
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results were overwhelmingly positive, but my barista Daisy was the only one who gave

me real suggestions on how I could improve my leadership ability. This was a major

turning point for me because on one hand, it showed me that the work I had put in up to

this point was actualizing positively; on the other hand, I was given suggestions to

improve myself even further. From this point I took her criticism to heart and worked

towards becoming a much more fulfilling leader for those who I was leading.

The next ‘low’ in my leadership timeline comes from an argument I had with

another co-supervisor; and is actually the personal case study I discussed throughout

my OGL 481 class. I consider this a low due to the stress it placed on me, and for how I

reacted to the situation in general. While I stand by my position in this argument, I

acknowledge that I could have handled things better. This was a major low for myself

due to my drop in productivity because I felt as if I shouldn't care about my job (since no

one else did). It was the beginning of the end for my appreciation and dedication to the

company.

The lowest point in my leadership timeline comes from a conversation I had with

one of my best friends, and co-supervisors, Eric. He began as a barista at my store and

was forced to change locations in order to move up. After a couple months at that store,

he was ‘swapped’ with one of the supervisors we had, so he was finally back.

The manager I promoted under, Katie, was an absolute hard ass and made me cry

more times than I could count. But, it was this level of constructive criticism that made

me the top tier high functioning supervisor I became. I hated her at the moment, but in

the long term, I am so incredibly grateful for the pressure she put on me.

So as Eric returned, I was rather hard on him. The pressure I put on him was

nowhere close to the pressure I had, but what I didn't realize was that everyone has
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different learning styles and approaches they respond better to. All I wanted was for him

to be the best he could be, but in reality I had no clue how to push someone in a nicer or

more gentle way. I would coach him consistently to the point where I asked him if he

‘did this’ and he would look at me in fear, even when I was trying to compliment him.

Eric and I were out one night and after probably a bit too much to drink he voiced

his truth and told me that I was his least favorite supervisor to work with. He told me

that he was more nervous working with me than our manager (Roy), because in his

words, I was more of a manager than Roy was. While I enjoy telling others what to do, I

have a hard time with coaching because I really don’t like hurting people's feelings. My

approach was to ask questions and let the receiver learn through their answers, but what

I didn’t realize was how condescending this was coming off as.

This conversation showed me examples of things I could do better, and

approaches that don’t work as well as others. While they broke my heart, I took his

comments seriously and have tried being more thoughtful when correcting someone. In

the grand scheme of things, I wasn’t completely in the wrong and he was just being a

little over sensitive. It was a bit of a rock bottom for me, as is evident in the graph itself,

but was an extremely valuable criticism.

Moving forward at the beginning of this year I got a second job as a ‘normal’

employee, it had absolutely no leadership requirements and I was happy to take the

weight of it all off my shoulders. Due to my dedication and hard work, I was again

quickly able to move throughout the various roles of this environment. As I was on the

sales floor, I was able to help organize the plays to ensure customers were having the

best experience possible and reminding my coworkers to do various things. I must note

that I wasn’t authoritative and everyone was ok with this guidance as I was given
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compliments and appreciation by my coworkers. This dynamic was a high for me due to

my innate leadership capacity that was shown through my ‘basic’ role at the company.

Even though I had no positional power, my coworkers acknowledged my competency in

the role we all shared and followed my ideas on how to create a successful customer

experience. This showed me that leadership is a quality, not a job.

The final point on my leadership turning point graph highlights my first real

encounter with conflict management. I had an employee (Jonathan) who unfortunately

created problems with every member of the team. In this specific example, I came back

from my lunch and one of my baristas Nykia told me he didn’t do anything while I was

gone. I went over to give him suggestions on what to do and kindly reminded him that

he can always ask me for ideas if he needed help. He began to get heated and started

having a verbal disagreement with her to the point where I thought it would be best to

separate the two, so I asked him to do dishes in the back, he stormed off saying “Well I

don’t matter anyway” so of course I followed him back there to try to understand his

perspective. He began venting to me about how no one likes him and she has always

been so mean, she did this, she did that, later mentioning he was talking about a

different barista, Esme.

Esme was in the lobby after her shift working on homework, which she asked

Nykia for a bit of guidance with. When I went to the back I was expecting him to share

his grievances over the situation with Nykia, so I was confused why he was talking about

Esme. Esme and I rarely work with each other and when we do it’s for an hour or two at

most so I had never seen the dynamic she had with Jonathan. I was patient and I

listened to him, offered suggestions and genuinely tried to be there for him. After about

15 minutes he calmed down and I had to go back on the floor because it was just Nykia
INSPIRATION

out there. Shortly after Esme packs up her stuff to head home and goes into the back, I

thought nothing of it. About 10 minutes later I go back to get some ice and find them in

a screaming match with each other. I heard both of their sides and tried to offer

solutions that would benefit them both. Neither were moving on their position and so I

offered the only real piece of advice I had moving forward, which was for them to sit

down with the manager and hash it out.

This was a turning point in my leadership career as I finally encountered my first

serious role as a mediator through conflict. It was scary. I had studied conflict

management excessively throughout my time at ASU but nothing truly prepared me for

handling this. It showed me that even though I have been given all of the tools to

succeed, nothing is as easy as it seems in practice.

Overall, throughout my life I have had a series of ups and downs that have

contributed to the way I am in general and my leadership capacity. I have learned a lot

about myself from questionnaires and those who are close to me and do my best to

improve on a daily basis. A key part of being a good leader is being self aware and

continuously looking for ways to improve. Challenges and weaknesses shouldn’t be

viewed in their traditional format as negative things, rather we need to see these

obstacles as opportunities to help us grow and develop. Even if you are at a high

moment, there is always something to learn and always something you can do better.