Como fazer as pessoas respeitarem você se você estiver quieto

How To Make People Respect You If You're Quiet

(00:00) people love tommy shelby from peaky blinders he's a quiet introverted character and
at the same time extremely charismatic while you don't want to be like tommy in every way
there are eight habits you can learn from him to instantly command more respect from the
people around you and even though peaky blinders is a scripted tv show all the psychology
covered in today's video will apply to your actual life also this video has a few scenes from
season 6 but no spoilers the first thing that you see
(00:22) from tommy is that he has slow relaxed movements when he isn't physically fighting
he's almost never in a rush for example notice how slowly tommy moves in this next clip and
how it instantly gives you the sense that he's above feeling intimidated talking to you mr
shelby when you move slowly and comfortably in a situation where most people would be
stressed it shows that you don't feel scared or pressured along with the slow movements
there's a second body language habit you saw that helps tommy appear
(01:02) confident tommy is comfortable holding eye contact even during conflict right he's
the oldest you're the thickest i'm told the boss is called tommy and i'm guessing that's you
because you're looking me up and down like i'm a tart i want to know what you want well
you're gonna die right yeah we talked about this briefly in the alfie video the one mistake you
could make after watching scenes like this is trying to hold eye contact all the time but
holding eye contact during conflict
(01:36) can actually escalate the tension if neither of you is willing to break so the goal isn't
to never break eye contact it's just to know what your behavior signals to other people hold if
you want to show you aren't intimidated look down if your priority is to de-escalate and if you
want to diffuse the situation without projecting fear or discomfort you can hold eye contact for
three to five seconds and then break to the side instead of down at a high level tommy's
ability to command respect in
(02:00) moments of conflict comes from the fact that he's not reactive to hostility notice how
much confidence tommy can project without even speaking being non-reactive shows you
feel confident in your ability to handle whatever is happening it's hard not to respect
someone who keeps their cool in situations where most people would lose it here's another
funny example of just how non-reactive tommy can be he researches his enemies that's why
he's been chosen i am jose i'm jones could the chosen one smoke this is
(02:40) obviously an extreme example and hopefully none of us will ever have to deal with
trying to keep cool with a gun to our head but it's a good example of how tommy's non-
reactivity projects confidence under pressure of course the goal here isn't to fake that you're
okay while freaking out on the inside it's to cultivate a genuine deep internal confidence we'll
talk more about how to do that at the end of this video there is one more quick body
language habit you should steal from tommy if you want
(03:03) to command attention specifically in large groups be as big as your audience gail up
your hand gestures when you're speaking to more people but the main thing is a bunch of
despite the provocation from the cavalry no fighting but it is you my friends who must suffer
the cuts in wages and in dignity and you must not complain because that would be
unpatriotic moving beyond body language the next way you can command respect is by
focusing on how you speak the first thing you notice about tommy when he speaks is that his
(03:36) word choice shows conviction specifically when he talks about his plans for the
future he doesn't say i hope to or i want to but i will just a few more years to go and you will
change your ways and i'll change the world beyond word choice you can show conviction
with just your tone many people do the opposite ending in upward inflection making
statements sound like questions this gives the impression that you're unsure of yourself as
an example compare tommy's tone in this next clip to genus what are michael's real
(04:10) intentions towards me gina and if you lie i will now tell me he intends to complete the
deal and then you both walk away so if you want to show conviction with just your tone end
your statements in a downward inflection similar to his slow relaxed body language tommy
also has a slow speaking cadence and uses pauses between words to hold attention the
pause is the moment when you're not speaking but ironically it's the moment you can pull
people in tommy does this by pausing when you most want to hear what he has
(04:41) to say you know michael when you're dealing with a very powerful enemy taking
revenge sometimes requires time you have to pick your moment that moment will come you
may worry that speaking slowly and pausing a lot will lead to people cutting you off the way
you can prevent this isn't by rushing to finish or giving up on your thought halfway through
but by continuing to speak in that same slow speaking cadence until you're at least finished
your sentence watch this next clip as an example you can model for context that
(05:11) ticking in the background is a bomb as a member of parliament for this constituency
it is my duty to take responsibility for the welfare of is still ticking consumption of opium is
very prejudicial now there's one more important thing to cover when talking about why
tommy shelby commands so much respect he doesn't have to shout or raise his voice
because either he knows what you desperately want and can give it to you or he knows what
you desperately fear and can prevent it so his quiet words carry massive weight as
(05:42) an example let's go back to earlier in that chosen one scene when they first
threatened tommy you were one decision away from death mr shelby so stop smiling tommy
projects confidence because of everything we've spoken about so far in this video but why is
he able to be so calm and non-reactive under pressure because he knows he's not actually
in danger watch why your name is r.
(06:07) e o'donnell you have a son at the cherrywood road school in harbour he has arms on
his legs his name is shawn he comes last in every race poor boy poor boys the race was
important we touched on this in our first tommy video and it's one of his defining features he
wields tremendous power over people using carrot stick motivation now obviously we don't
want to be threatening to murder children so how on earth can you actually apply this to your
own life well let's say you want a raise or a promotion from work a lot of
(06:37) people would just go in and say hey boss i've been working here a long time i would
really like a raise can i have more money very focused on i not very persuasive how could
instead you apply carrot stick thinking you could say hey boss i feel like i can add more value
to the company and play at a higher level what would you need to see from me in the next
three months to promote me work with your boss to create a concrete list then nail
everything on that list at the same time go out and get other job offers in three months you
can show all
(07:04) the value you've created for your boss carrot and if they back out from the
agreement you can tell them that you want to stay but you have other offers that pay more if
they're unwilling to give you a raise that's the stick no murdering of children involved now
while that plan is extremely likely to work most people don't have the confidence to execute
it you might think that building that kind of confidence will take you a long time or maybe you
even think it's impossible for you that you could never actually build deep
(07:29) internal confidence but building confidence is way easier than you think with the right
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time to watch it and i hope to see you in the next one [Music] you