How Men Think: Read His Mind & Unlock the Secrets to His Heart

© 2013 by James Taylor

All rights reserved

No part of this book may be reproduced, transmitted or distributed in any form or by any means, electronic or
mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage or retrieval system, without
permission in writing from the author.

The information and ideas presented in this book represent opinions based on the research and life experience of the
author. They are provided on an “as is” basis, without any warranty of any kind. Furthermore, nothing in this book
should be considered as professional medical, health, business, financial, or career advice. If you have a problem in
any of these areas you should seek help from an appropriately qualified professional.

In reading the book, you agree to take total responsibility for the application of any of the material presented. The
author accepts no responsibility for any adverse results that you may experience from applying this advice.

Other books by James Taylor:

“What Men Want: The Essential Guide on How to Attract Men … and Keep Them!” –
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00701T152

“Make Him Yours! 30 Sneaky Tricks & Tactics to Get the Guy You Want” –
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00AYPW0IQ

“Why You’re Still Single: The 7 Deadly Mistakes to Avoid With Men” –
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B009KSCCCC

Bonus Report (yours for free!):

“How Men Evaluate Women: The Honest Truth from a Dating Coach Who Asked” –
http://attractmeneasily.com/how-men-evaluate-women-hmt/
Contents

I. Preface

II. Introduction: The Life of a Man

III. Questions

1. Why do men lie to women?

2. Why do men play games with women?

3. Why are men so obsessed about sex?

4. Why do men only want to sleep with a woman once and then never see her again?

5. Why do men ask for women’s phone numbers and then never ever call them?

6. Why do men not call back after a date when they say they will?

7. Why does a man start off very interested and then suddenly go cold on a woman?

8. Why won’t he commit?

9. Why are men so afraid of commitment?

10. Do men want to settle down with a great woman and have a family, or live a playboy lifestyle forever?

11. How do I know when a man is truly open to commitment?

12. Which is more important to determining a man’s true intentions toward you – his words or his actions?

13. Why do men pull away?

14. Why do men cheat?

15. How do I know when my husband’s cheating on me?

16. How do I know that he’ll always remain faithful to me?

17. Why do men look at other women – does this mean that I’m no longer attractive to him?

18. Does a man still think about other women when he’s in love with me?

19. Why has he stopping giving me all the love and attention he did when we were dating?

20. Why won’t my man ever make me number one in his life?

21. What do men find attractive in a woman?

22. Why do men go for “bitches” rather than “nice girls”?

23. Does he find me sexually attractive?

24. Do men want women to make the first move?

25. Why do men stare at women?

 26. How can I tell if a guy likes me?

27. How do you read a shy guy and know if he likes you – are his actions and behavior different from other guys?

28. Can you break out of the dreaded “friend zone” with men, and if so, how?

29. How does he really feel about me – does he truly love me and see a future for our relationship?

30. Why does he tell me he loves me one minute and then cheat on me the next?

31. How do I know I’m not his “fill-in” option until he finds the one he really wants to be with?

32. Why do men always try to solve problems on their own – why don’t they talk about them and ask for help?

33. Why do men hate “nagging” so much?

34. Why are men so interested in sports (especially watching them)?

IV. Conclusion
I. Preface

Men can be very mysterious, confusing and sometimes even downright frustrating creatures who frequently surprise
women with their “unusual” and seemingly erratic behavior.

Let’s face it, guys are very different creatures who often just don’t think and act in the same ways that you and other
females would in similar situations. And this is even more the case in the all-important context of romantic
relationships.

Women the world over complain of the same old things about men, such as:

- Lying

- Cheating

- Being used for sex

- Won’t commit

- Pulling away for no apparent reason

- Playing games

- Hard to know what they actually want

- Difficult to read

- Won’t open up about their feelings

You are therefore not alone if you experience these sorts of issues with men.

But as a man I’d like to let you in on a bit of a secret. This is that men find women equally as mysterious, confusing
and frustrating. We too have a long list of complaints about the opposite sex – I can assure you of that!!!

Furthermore, our “unusual” behavior seems perfectly logical and reasonable to us most of the time. We often know
instantly what other guys mean by their words and actions, and can quickly understand why they did what they did.

A major reason why men and women struggle to understand each other is that we each have a different cocktail of
hormones streaming through our bodies. In addition to this, we have been socialized to act in different ways.
Together, these things therefore lead to different ways of approaching life and interacting with others.

This is not to say that the differences are all bad; they are actually what draw us to each other in the first pace. After
all, in a romantic partner we’re really seeking after what we haven’t got ourselves, in order to feel more complete as
a person. When men and women come together there is the potential for great synergy to be created, no more so than
the bringing of new life into the world.

The differences between men and women can therefore be viewed as huge positives for the most part.

However, a major problem arises when we have little idea about what these key differences are and they confuse us
to the point where they stop us experiencing the kind of loving and fulfilling relationships with the opposite sex that
we crave.

From your perspective as a woman, it is therefore absolutely vital that you do everything you can to understand
men, otherwise the chances of you experiencing the level of success with them that you desire are relatively low.
I’m sorry, but this is the truth.

Yes, you may get asked out by men and get into relationships with them, but you’ll find that commitment with the
right one will always seem to elude you.

Something will usually happen to dash your hopes, such as an amazing guy not calling you back after what you
thought was a fantastic first date. Your boyfriend may pull away suddenly without reasonable explanation.
Alternatively, he might tell you that he’s not ready for commitment or even cheat on you. And silly arguments could
end up destroying all the intimacy in a promising relationship.

Eventually, you might be forced to settle for Mr. Average instead of the incredible man you’ve dreamed about
marrying since you were a little girl.

Sadly, a lot of women don’t even get that far. Their experience is that men (even average ones) simply pass them by
for younger or better looking women. And the last time that they went out on a proper date with a man may have
been years ago.

Can having an inadequate understanding of men and how they think cause all of these situations and be responsible
for preventing the success with men that you so desire?

Absolutely! There is no doubt about it.

Men will always gravitate toward the women who understand them and treat them how they want to be treated. And
these women are not always the ones who you would naturally assume that men would be most attracted to.

This is why you sometimes come across an amazing man who is in a loving, committed relationship with what
appears to be a very average woman. The reason is that she “gets it”. She understands how men think and what she
needs to do and say to gain (and maintain!) the attention of the kind of guys that most women would be wildly
attracted to.

But if you don’t understand men, what can you do about it? After all, it is not your fault that you don’t know the
secrets of how men think and have an inability to read their minds.

The best scenario would probably be to become a man for a day. You would be able to experience what it is like to
be around six feet tall, have a certain … ahem … appendage between your legs, and large amounts of testosterone
rushing through your body.

More importantly, you would be able to see life through his eyes, think as he thinks, and take notes on the whole
experience – LOTS OF NOTES!!!

You would come away with ground-shaking insights to the male psyche that would prove invaluable in your love
life, not to mention how useful they would be in your general life too in dealing with men (ie. male family members,
friends, colleagues, acquaintances etc).

Men would no longer be such a mystery and you could predict what they’re going to say and do next with amazing
accuracy. You would also know exactly what you need to do to make great guys fall for you, commit to you quickly,
and stay with you forever.

Life would be so easy, wouldn’t it!

Of course, this is not possible outside of the realms of the movies, science fiction and your imagination, so we’ll
have to consider other alternatives.

The next best thing would probably be a trusted male friend whose brain you could pick for all the vital information
you need.

This would need to be someone who has had some level of success in dating and relationships, who is good at
explaining his thoughts and feelings, is not afraid to be brutally honest, and who you could be sure wouldn’t
humiliate you by blabbing to others about the kind of questions you’re asking him.

Furthermore, you obviously wouldn’t want to have this sort of discussion with a guy you’re secretly in love with,
would you?

If you have such a guy in your life I strongly encourage you to take advantage of his knowledge and pick his brains
as much as you can. Mine every bit of data possible from him about how men think.

Unfortunately though, men like that are notoriously hard to find. And it can be extremely difficult to ask them for
help even if you have them available. Pride can be hard to swallow, can’t it!

However, if you haven’t got this sort of trusted guy friend in your life or you’re too embarrassed to ask him for help,
you don’t need to worry because I’ve got you totally covered.

I am going to give you all the vital information you need to understand men better than they actually understand
themselves.

Furthermore, I’m going to show you how to use this knowledge to your advantage in attracting the man of your
dreams into your life, making him desperate to commit to you in the shortest possible time, and keeping him happy
over the long term so that he’d be a complete fool to ever cheat on you or leave you for another woman.

Over the last several years I’ve devoted my life to analyzing exactly how men think, what they want, and why they
do what they do.

I have spent many hundreds of hours researching and thinking about these issues and I’m excited to share many of
my most important conclusions with you in this book that you’re now reading.

In March 2013, I conducted a qualitative survey with my email subscriber list, asking them what they most wanted
to know about men in regard to how they think and act.

I also discovered another survey very similar in concept to this and decided to pool the results of both, creating a
superset of data.

Next, I grouped together similar responses (eg. “Does he truly love me?” and “Is he telling the truth when he says
that he loves me?”) and then tallied up frequency results to arrive at the most popular questions women had about
men and how they think.

I answer these questions in this book.

In addition, I supplemented this list of questions with a few others which I’ve heard women ask in different
contexts; and also one or two that I felt would round out the picture of the male mind and create a more complete
understanding of it.

I answer all the questions in the most straightforward, complete and no B.S. ways that I possibly can.

Be prepared to be shocked by some of the things I’m about to share. I am not going to spare the egos of anyone
involved: either men, women, you or myself.

What I’m going to do is break the guys’ code of silence about their attitudes to women, dating and relationships and
disclose to you secrets that many men would be very annoyed about me sharing for reasons that’ll quickly become
clear.
This goes far beyond the locker room discussions about who’s hot and who’s not (and why). I am going to reveal to
you the deepest and darkest secrets of men (including their secret fears) – those that they don’t even talk about with
other guys and some that they’re usually not even consciously aware of themselves.

You are about to gain insights not only into how men think on a number of important issues, but also why they
actually think these ways – including their key psychological drivers and how these drivers tie into their relationship
needs and preferences for women.

This will enable you to (almost) read a man’s mind and know what he’s thinking and feeling at key moments in your
interactions with him … and life in general for that matter.

The result is that you’ll know the “right” things to say and do at each of these key moments so that you get the
outcome you want with him, far more often than not.

No longer will you have to put up with constantly being lied to, game playing, and being cheated on behind your
back. These annoying habits of men will be a thing of the past for you with what you’re about to discover.

Neither will you need to endure being used for sex, having guys pull away from you suddenly for no apparent
reason, or feeling insecure in a relationship not knowing how a guy really feels about you.

Furthermore, being strung along for years by a guy who is afraid of commitment should no longer be an issue for
you. And being passed over completely by the sort of men you’re most attracted to simply isn’t going to happen
anymore if you apply the lessons I’m about to teach you. For you are going to discover the secrets to a man’s heart
that absolutely compel him to pursue you, woo you, and quickly ask for your hand in marriage. You will be loved
and adored by the man of your dreams the way you deserve to be.

To summarize, I’m going to get you as close to being inside the mind of a man as you can possibly be without
actually becoming a man. This will give you all the vital information you need to read his mind and unlock the
secrets to his heart so that you can enjoy the sort of relationship with him that you so much desire – without all the
drama that is usually part of the package of being with a man.

By the time you’ve finished reading this book you will have a comprehensive understanding of men and know
exactly how to act in a number of key situations so that men respond in the ways that you want them to respond and
give you what you want from them.

Okay, with that said, let’s get started!

II. Introduction: The Life of a Man

A very important part of understanding how men think is to first analyze the period of their growing up and
discovering their place in the world. In my view, this offers many valuable insights which will prove useful in both
understanding men and predicting how they will behave in certain scenarios – even well into the future as mature
adults.

From an early age as a boy is growing up, he quickly learns that he is and will continue to be judged as a male based
on his performance and competence – for the rest of his life. How good he is at certain things that Society values
will determine how much attention he receives from others and how these people will view him.

Whatever age he is, a male always wants to receive positive attention from others, especially in the form of approval
and respect. The more of these two things that he receives, the higher his overall social status will be.

Having high social status causes him to feel significant and validated as a man, which in turn allows him to have a
highly positive self-image, high self-esteem, and to also feel happy, safe and secure – which are his ultimate desires.

For his entire life he will therefore strive after whatever will give him the approval and respect of others that he
seeks. And this quest will determine what he focuses his time and attention on.

When he is young (pre-adolescent), he finds that his physical performance (largely determined by how good he is on
the sports field) goes a long way toward deciding his place on the all-important social ladder.

For example, the boy who is the fastest on the athletics track or the best at major sports like football, baseball and
basketball will typically garner the most friends and be the one that everyone defers to (ie. be “popular”). And the
one who cannot perform to what is considered an acceptable standard in these areas will be at risk of being socially
excluded and maybe even being bullied.

Activities other than sports can also play a part in determining a boy’s social status. But if he is only good at things
which are not valued particularly highly by his peers, he won’t be given credit for these abilities in the form of social
approval. An example of this is that boys who excel at schoolwork (especially math) and computers but not much
else can often be labeled as “nerds” or “geeks” – at least, those were the terms that were used when I was growing
up.

After puberty, an important transition takes place, however. No longer does his position in the social hierarchy
depend so much on just how well he can perform in a physical sense. Now, a completely different factor is suddenly
introduced into the equation – his ability to attract females. And for at least the next three decades of his life this
new factor will be a constant in terms of how he is measured as a man.

The boys who are able to get girlfriends (especially the most desirable ones) are looked to very highly by their peers.
However, there is still a reasonable correlation between being good on the sports field and one’s social status.

And because females are generally attracted to males who have some level of social status, being good at sports
usually means that a boy will have access to girls – unless he is very shy.

Therefore in practice, the boys who excel at sports tend to continue to thrive socially after puberty because girls are
naturally attracted to them (eg. the star quarterback goes out with the most attractive cheerleader).

However, this new state of affairs creates some winners and losers. One group of winners is the boys who are not
the best athletes, but who have favorable personality traits (especially a high level of self-confidence) which endear
them to girls. They are sometimes able to slip under the radar and snare an attractive girlfriend – which instantly
raises their position on the social ladder quite a few notches.
On the other hand, the boys who are only good athletically but who are quite shy or lack self-confidence (especially
around girls) are often not able to get a girlfriend, or more importantly, a desirable one. The result is that they fall
out of the top tier socially, and can find themselves pigeonholed as “beta males” – a position which is very hard to
recover from when everyone knows you.

Once a guy graduates from college and moves out into the workforce another important transition takes place in his
social life.

Up to this point, physical performance (usually measured through sporting ability/achievement) played a large part
in his social success, but now this becomes far less important – unless he is one of the very few who make the grade
as a professional athlete.

Career success now takes the place of sports as one of the two main determinants of his social position (along with
his success with women, which continues on largely unaffected by this latest transition).

“Career success” is typically measured as some combination of the prestige of his position, the amount of money he
makes, and how well he displays these things (eg. where he lives, the car he drives, the clothes he wears, and the
people he associates with).

A man comes to be defined according to this level of success, to a degree that women rarely are. Men who struggle
to make their mark in this area tend to also struggle in all other areas of their lives – including socially and with
women.

For example, a man who is unemployed for any significant length of time effectively loses his identity. Society does
not value men who “do” nothing, because a man typically “is” what he does (eg. a CEO, a doctor, or a mechanic
etc). Neither does it value men whose career achievements are at best only mediocre.

Succeeding in one’s career is therefore of great importance to a man; it plays a major role in determining his place in
the world and as a result how he will feel about himself and whether or not he is happy overall. Because of this, he’ll
likely devote a huge amount of effort to making sure that he achieves his career potential – even at the expense of
socializing.

On that last point, it is worth noting that men are often prepared to give up opportunities to socialize even though
they very much want to climb the social ladder. This is due to them identifying that there is, at best, only a weak
correlation between time spent socializing and how far they advance up the social ladder.

Although they may make more friends the more time they spend with others, this does not generally make any real
difference to how people value them (ie. their social status). In fact, if they hang around like a bad smell it might be
detrimental to their social status.

Let’s look at this from another angle: most people have never personally met Bono from the band U2. But because
of his incredible success in such a high-profile and esteemed field (ie. rock music), he could probably walk into any
group of people (large or small) in the developed world and instantly claim the number one spot in that group in
terms of social ranking. It does not matter that he has invested no time building relationships in the group. His level
of career success means that everyone is going to defer to him everywhere he goes, even if they don’t particularly
like his music.

In general, each and every friendship that a man makes will be framed in terms of his relative place in the overall
hierarchy – which is to a large part determined by his career success and level of success with women (as we’ve
discussed). And if this place is relatively low (meaning that he receives little respect from others in the group),
having a lot of friends is of negligible value to him.

Furthermore, the more friendships he makes, the more time that is required to maintain them and therefore the less
time there is available for more important things like working on his career.
As a result, men will tend to socialize less and have fewer friends (especially close ones) than what women do once
they leave college; and those that they do have are more likely to be for strategic purposes.

In other words, men will try to make friendships (or alliances) with others who can help advance them in the world
– especially along career lines and in terms of attracting women. Women, on the other hand, are more likely to form
friendships with others whose company they simply enjoy. That is of course not to say that women are totally
immune to forming friendships for strategic purposes – they definitely do to some extent.

The other part of the social success equation is success with women. Although career success is vitally important to
a man, it is usually not enough just on its own – unless he achieves some degree of fame. He also needs to be able to
attract quality women into his life in order to reach a high level of social standing.

It is difficult for a man to be fully respected by his peers unless he enjoys some level of mastery with women. There
is no point in him building a $20m software company if he can’t even attract a woman to save himself (which many
rich guys struggle to do, despite the popular belief that women are highly attracted to men with money). In that case,
the best he will ever be is a “beta male” – a guy who may hang with the “cool crowd” but isn’t really that “cool”
himself.

The fact is that unless he has some recent track record of success with women (eg. dating or being in a relationship
with someone attractive) which is known to those whose approval and respect he seeks, he is effectively ineligible to
reach the upper tiers of the social hierarchy. That is just how it is.

Men will therefore place huge importance on attracting women, because it is in actual fact the highest leverage thing
they can do to be respected by others, and as a result, to feel significant.

This is not to say that men don’t want women for the direct value they provide, such as love and companionship.
But it is important to understand that a major motivation in getting a woman is her value as a status symbol, which
they can then parade around just like an expensive car.

The issue that now arises, though, is how can a man attract a woman in the first place – what will make women want
to go out with him?

Some men think that having career success is the key thing that women are looking for in a man. They believe that if
they just study hard enough in college and then get a really good job and/or make a lot of money, women will
suddenly sit up and take notice of them in a big way. If this belief wasn’t reasonably prevalent, we probably
wouldn’t have anywhere near the number of doctors, surgeons and other highly skilled professionals that we actually
do in our communities! Nor would the technology be available to read this book that you’re currently reading.

Unfortunately for these men however, career success does not automatically convert to success with women (it
certainly can help though). Most of the time women do not suddenly become attracted to a man as soon as they learn
that his occupation is one that is highly-regarded (eg. a doctor) or he has made a lot of money – especially if he tries
to impress them with such information.

Career success, while important, must be accompanied by overall social success for a man to catch the attention of
women in general. A high place in the social hierarchy is far more essential for attracting women, as females tend to
be most receptive to the leaders of the group (the highest status guys) than anyone else. [Of course, self-confidence
is also important in attracting women, but for most men this arises from having social status.]

However, since success with women is a requirement to having high social status and high social status is normally
needed to attract desirable women, men face a major problem. It is the proverbial chicken and egg situation – which
comes first and how do you actually break in if you currently have neither?

The way that many men who don’t have high social status respond to this problem is to go outside of their
immediate social group and try to fake it until they make it with women.
Given that the women who know them are well aware that they are not high-status men, it will be a difficult task to
win over the ones they most want. In addition to this, it is risky to “hit on” women who are way out of their league.
Groups have a habit of punishing men who do this by gossiping about them in a negative way, which lowers their
social status even further.

It is much easier for a man to meet an attractive woman who he doesn’t know, or more importantly, who doesn’t
know him (and his “true” social status). Therefore if he can give her the impression that he is a confident, high-
status guy, he might be able to “fool” her into choosing him, and as a result game the system.

Here it is important for a man to have a few friends who have similar goals to him. The idea is that everyone works
together to establish the impression that they are all high-status guys which enables them to go out and “pull”
women.

This is effectively what many guys who go to bars and clubs are trying to do. They go out with a couple of friends,
have a few drinks, shoot a bit of pool and maybe have a dance or two. The aim is to give the impression that they’re
a bunch of cool guys who are just out for a bit of fun. But the real purpose is to create the opportunity to meet and
pick up women.

In all honesty, barring those who go out with the purpose to get totally drunk and cause trouble, most guys don’t
really enjoy the bar and club scene itself. The queues to get in are annoying, the bouncers can be intimidating and
obnoxious, the music is usually too loud, they have no real interest in dancing (even though they might pretend that
they do in order to impress women), and they don’t like the rowdy guys who spill beer over them and act
aggressively.

If all they wanted to do was to hang with their buddies, they’d much rather do so at home than hit the town and go
through the whole rigmarole that I’ve just described. However, they will go through it over and over again in the
hope of attracting great women.

If and when they are successful (eg. they snare a hot girlfriend), they can then parade this “success” around the
people they know and thereby officially claim a higher social position in the group. Just being with a desirable
woman instantly makes other people change their opinion about them. It really does.

In fact, the effect of this is so powerful that some guys are willing to go to desperate lengths to exploit it. For
example, there are now websites where you can pay women to be your pretend girlfriend on Facebook for a certain
amount of time. Part of the deal is usually that these women will post flirty messages on your wall for everyone to
see!!! And there appears to be no shortage of customers for this sort of service.

The bottom line is that once a man becomes an adult, he will be focused on two main success criteria: his career and
attracting women. Success in these areas gives him the ultimate success that he desires: social success.

When a man has a high level of social success, everyone respects him, other men defer to him, women desire him,
and things generally come to him without having to chase them. At this point he feels significant as a man and
therefore great about himself.

As a woman, this is the starting point from which you need to understand men. That is, they are “success creatures”,
focused on achieving in their careers and attracting women – to gain social influence.

It is hardwired into men to try to gain as high a place in the social hierarchy as they possibly can, which on a
psychological level gives them a feeling of security and well-being, and on a biological level maximizes their
chances of survival and replication.

The picture changes slightly though as men advance on in years. In what I’ve discussed so far you may well have
come to the conclusion that attracting women is always the most important thing to men in gaining the social status
they desire. It certainly is when they are younger (especially in their 20s), although they still can’t afford to neglect
their careers.

However, it is vital to realize that when men get older, success with women becomes a lot less important and
paradoxically this is a major reason why they are willing to commit to one woman for life.

As men move into their mid-to-late 30s, different social expectations begin to be placed on them. Picking up women
and having lots of girlfriends becomes less and less important, to the point where these behaviors can be seen as
signs of immaturity or going through a mid-life crisis.

Furthermore, it is considered normal for a man in his 40s to be either married or in a stable long-term relationship.
Being good with women therefore becomes a bit redundant as a determinant of social status because most of the
men this age will already be in relationships.

If a man is not in a relationship, he is certainly not going to win too many plaudits by dating women. No one will be
that interested in him going out with women around his own age – either in a positive or negative sense. And if he
dates women who are much younger than him, he is in danger of being placed in the dreaded “dirty old man”
category by some of his peers.

What you can take from this is that there definitely is pressure on men to eventually find one woman and settle
down with her. Few men have the desire to be “players” for life when they actually get older – although they may
fantasize about this when they’re young.

On the other side of the coin, what you need to realize is that once a man is in a long-term relationship he will tend
to shift gears and focus a lot more on his career than on the relationship.

In this regard, a lot of women complain that their man no longer does nice things like surprising them with flowers
or opening doors for them as he did in the courtship phase of the relationship. The reason for this is that the woman
is a goal that he has already checked off and he has now moved on to other ones.

Subconsciously, men feel that relationship success is an event rather than the ongoing process that it really is.
Therefore, when a man thinks he’s won you over, he’ll probably stop pursuing you like he did earlier on. [HINT:
You never want to let him think that he’s totally won you over.]

Most likely, a large proportion of his goals will now relate to career and finance. This becomes the all-important
differentiator of social status when a man gets older.

To win the respect of his peer group he needs to have a high-powered position and be making the kind of money
which reflects this. He will also probably want to display his achievements by things like the house he lives in, the
car he drives, and his exclusive country club membership.

Okay, this has been a quick overview of what makes men tick. Granted, it involves quite a few simplifications that
we could debate over endlessly, but I maintain that nearly every man you meet will be running around with desires
such as those we have discussed, at some level – even if he is not consciously aware of them (which will often be
the case).

We will now turn our attention to the specific areas regarding how men think that you are most interested in and dig
a lot deeper. What I hope you’ll see is that at some level the answers to most of these questions really relate back to
the broader discussion that we’ve just had.

That is, men will usually be trying to develop relationships with women and manage these relationships in such a
way as to gain the most approval and respect that they can from others.

Once you understand and accept this, you are in a position of power. If you help a man to achieve these end goals,
he will then give you what you want from him (as long as he is a decent and honorable man). It is vital that you take
this sort of “win/win” approach rather than one of: “I’m not going to let any guy use me to boost his popularity” –
otherwise you’re really just wasting your time with men (they’re not going to want you and you’re not going to want
them either).

And despite what you may be thinking along the lines of, “But I’m not the hot young blonde that guys are looking
for … ”, you don’t need to be. As we are going to discuss later on, being physically attractive is far from the most
important thing that men are seeking in a long-term female partner. Other factors (which you have a lot more control
over) can easily trump looks.

Right, so let’s get into the list of the most popular questions and issues women are interested in regarding men and
how they think. [Note that these questions are arranged in topical order rather than by popularity.]
III. Questions

1. Why do men lie to women?

Many women have the issue that the guys in their lives try to mislead them, are sometimes economical with the
truth, or even flat out lie to them. Why is this?

Barring men who are compulsive liars, cheaters and those just trying to get laid, the main reasons why ordinary,
decent men lie to women are the following:

i. They’re afraid she’ll react badly if they tell her the truth

It is a fact that men don’t like it when the woman in their life gets angry or upset at them, or just “emotional” around
them. Let’s face it, women being the emotional creatures that they are, can be very good at expressing emotion –
good, bad or indifferent.

Men love it when this emotion is positive and happy, but they definitely don’t appreciate the darker side of a
woman’s emotions. In fact, it can be downright terrifying to a man when a woman really lets him “have it” over
something she’s not happy about. Her more passive emotion of disappointment is also a thing they are very wary of,
especially considering that it can last for much longer than an outburst of anger.

Men find it very difficult to deal with a woman’s negative emotion as it a challenge to their masculinity. They strive
to make (and keep) their woman happy and when she is not they feel like failures as men – especially when the thing
she’s unhappy about is them in particular, rather than some outside person or circumstance.

As a result, men learn that it is not a good idea to upset a woman if this can in any way be avoided. One way to do
this is to hide (or not tell her about) anything that might set her off, because they’re afraid she’ll react badly if they
tell her the truth.

For instance, a man is running horribly late to pick his girlfriend up because of his own lack of organization. Ten
minutes after he is supposed to be there she sends him a text saying, “Where r u?” He replies, “Caught in traffic b
there soon.” He doesn’t want to risk upsetting her and therefore he lies to avoid having to face the music.

A second example of a man lying to avoid upsetting his girlfriend might be if a man and woman normally do
something together on a particular night of the week, but one week something else is on that night that he really
wants to go to instead.

Rather than telling her that he wants to cancel “date night” for that week to do that thing, he says that he’s not
feeling the best and would rather take it easy at home on his own.

This might sound a like a bit of a childish way of dealing with the situation (which I would agree with), but many
women feel threatened that their boyfriend wants to do something else that doesn’t involve them, and as a result they
react very badly. The result is that men “learn” to avoid such a reaction by telling “little boy” lies.

A third example would be when a woman asks her man a question that she wants a particular answer to, such as the
classic, “Does my butt look big in this?”

In this case it is clear that the correct answer is “no”. She definitely doesn’t want him to say, “Well to honest, it does
a bit.”
Men quickly realize that if they tell the truth here (if they think that her butt does indeed look big), they’re going to
be in A LOT of trouble! Hence, they lie and tell their girlfriend or wife that her butt doesn’t look big in the skirt
she’s wearing.

Another popular variation of this question is something like, “Do you think [name of other woman who is
particularly attractive physically] is better looking than me?”

This, like the other question, is a very unfair one to ask and reeks of insecurity. It puts men in a very awkward
position where their only available response is to tell their woman what she wants to hear (eg. “No, you look much
better than her.”), or else be evasive (eg. “No, I think you both look good” or “It’s actually quite hard to compare the
two of you as you’re very different to each other”).

If you want men to tell you the truth far more often, what you need to do is train them to tell you the truth. And the
way to train them is to make telling you the truth far less painful than lying is.

Firstly, never ask insecure questions (such as those I’ve just highlighted) which force your man to lie. Don’t shoot
the messenger when you’re given bad news. And don’t go absolutely crazy when a man informs you of something
which displeases you – otherwise he’ll learn that it is far better to lie than tell the truth. When women do such things
they are actually training their man to lie to them.

ii. They don’t want to admit that they performed badly or made a mistake (ie. demonstrated lack of
competence)

A second reason why men lie to women is that they don’t want to admit that they performed badly or made a
mistake of any kind – which would demonstrate lack of competence (a key masculine trait).

For instance, let’s say that a man forgot to make the mortgage payment on time (which was his responsibility). If he
realizes this before his wife does, he will probably not tell her about it. More likely, he’ll try to fix everything up
himself (ie. make the payment as soon as possible, along with any penalties).

But if his wife does ask him whether he put the payment through, he might just lie to her so that she doesn’t get
upset or angry at him.

He is likely to reason the following:

“Her finding out about me not making the payment is not going to change anything, so there’s no point in her
getting upset and us having a big argument over it. I will just sort it out on Monday and then she won’t have to
worry about it. It’s not like it is the end of the world or something.”

As a second example, a man gets caught speeding and wants to hide this from his wife. To cover up his mistake he
makes a cash withdrawal from the family bank account and when she questions him about what this was for he
invents some story, such as that he used the money to buy some of the materials for the house repairs he did the
previous month.

Obviously a large part of not wanting to admit making a mistake is to prevent the woman getting angry, but it is also
to avoid looking incompetent – which is another thing that undermines a man’s masculinity.

Men are supposed to have everything under control and always be successful. When they’re not, it calls into
question their worth as men.

Therefore, if you want to avoid men not owning up to their mistakes (and instead trying to cover them up) you need
to go easy on them when these things happen from time to time, and even laugh at some of their mistakes with them.
No one is perfect after all – not even you!
Hopefully though, your man will learn from his mistakes and not keep repeating them! When you are with the right
guy you’ll find that his mistakes propel him toward becoming a much better man over time.

iii. They don’t want to discuss something (or open up about their feelings)

A third reason why men lie to women is that they don’t want to discuss something or open up about their feelings.

For example, when a man has a terrible day at work during which his boss explodes at him for something that he
was not responsible for or had no control over, he might want keep it to himself rather than share it with his woman.
Most likely, when she asks how his day was he will produce the usual nondescript answer, “Good”, even though she
detects that he’s a bit shaken and upset.

As I explained above, men like to feel in control, and they typically don’t use the strategy of talking about their
problems with others as a way to feel better about them, as women often do.

Instead they prefer to maintain the outward appearance of always being in control while dealing with their problems
on their own. Sometimes they will even go into their “cave” in order to have time to process their thoughts and work
out how they’re going to move forward in relation to the issue they’re facing.

This can frustrate female partners no end because women are often very good at detecting when their man is feeling
upset, but when they try to push him into sharing he clams up and denies anything is wrong.

The best way of dealing with this situation is to not try to push men. If they don’t want to open up about what’s
going on you just have to accept that. Be there for them if they do feel like talking, but don’t try to force them to do
so; otherwise this almost ensures that they won’t ever come to you for any emotional support.

It is important to understand that how you approach the situation will go a long way toward deciding whether your
man opens up to you about his feelings or freezes you out by lying. For example, when you detect that your man is
upset it is a lot more likely that he’ll open up when you ask him a question like, “You seem a bit upset – is anything
wrong?” rather than “You’re upset, what’s wrong?”. Can you see the difference? The first question tells him that
you’re there for him if he needs you, while the second question is too in your face and demanding.

Furthermore, if and when a man does share his emotions with you, don’t make him regret doing so. You must
maintain your full respect for him as a man throughout the whole process and following it. This means that you
should not treat him like a little boy who runs home crying to Mom by talking down to him. And you should not
think any less of him as a man and start treating him differently afterward. It would be especially bad if you became
less willing to follow his lead after he revealed such “weakness” to you. Finally, never use anything that he shares
with you against him in an argument at a later date. That would make it a near certainty that he would never open up
to you in a similar way again.

See Chapter 32: Why do men always try to solve problems on their own – why don’t they talk about them and ask
for help?, for more discussion on this.
2. Why do men play games with women?

One question that I frequently hear is, “why do men play games with women and try to screw with their minds?”

I can think of five main reasons why some men do this. These are:

i. To gain compliance from a woman

The first main reason why a man will play games with a woman is to gain compliance from her. In other words, get
her to do what he wants her to do.

The classic example of this is of a guy pretending that he’s more interested in a woman than he really is in order to
get her to sleep with him. He might even go so far as to tell her that he loves her when all he really wants to do is get
her into bed for the night (and then disappear)!

What men like this are trying to do is create false intimacy and take advantage of any feelings of low self-esteem
that a woman may have (which will cause her to feel a great need for love and acceptance, especially from men, in
order to feel good about herself), because they know that such actions will make her far more likely to comply.

My suggestion is that you be very careful when a man triggers an extreme emotional state in you (either high or
low) and then tries to get you to do something. Realize that you’ll tend to make bad decisions when you are too
emotional.

It is far wiser to slow down and wait until you’ve had a chance to properly process what has just happened. If you
are with the right man he will respect your right to do this and won’t try to either pressure you into acting hastily or
take advantage of you.

ii. To gain control in a relationship

The second reason why men mess with a woman’s mind is to gain control in the relationship. Unlike the first case, a
man who tries to control a woman is normally interested in a proper relationship with her, but on his terms.

Such a man is likely to be very insecure as a person and needs to destabilize a woman and lower her self-esteem so
that he gains control and feels more secure in the relationship. His goal is to make her feel lucky to be with him and
believe that no one else would take her if she was ever to leave him.

The games he might play with her to achieve these objectives are things like direct insults (eg. telling her that she
needs to lose weight), indirect insults (eg. comparing her unfavorably with other women), backhanded compliments
(eg. “You’re quite fit for someone your size”), not showing her appropriate affection (eg. going cold on her and not
hugging or kissing her), making untrue or unfair accusations (eg. “You don’t love me – if you did you wouldn’t
spend so much time with your friends.”), flirting with other women in front of her to make her jealous, and taunting
her by openly watching porn while she is around when he knows that it upsets her.

The reality of the situation is that he only does these things because he feels lucky to be with her and is terrified of
her leaving. The only way he can stop feeling so afraid of losing her and of being alone is to project his fears onto
her instead. Essentially, he believes that he has to hold her down to keep her in his life.

Needless to say, if a man starts acting in the kind of ways I’ve just described you should make it clear to him that
this is totally unacceptable. But if he continues, leave him IMMEDIATELY; you can do a lot better. No woman
deserves this sort of abusive treatment.
iii. To counteract the games she plays with him

Thirdly, a man will play games with a woman to counteract the games she plays with him – to make her more
attracted to him and gain more control in the relationship. But the control he seeks is not the same control that I
talked about in point ii (above). It is more a balance that he wants whereby the relationship is 50-50 rather than the
woman being totally in control.

For example, one very popular game of women is the game of playing hard to get (which is their way of exploiting
the “buyer’s advantage” that they have due to being the ones who are pursued). In this case, when a man shows
interest in a woman, she acts either aloof, extremely guarded, or sometimes hot and cold – when she actually is
interested but is hoping to raise her buying price.

Men have learned to respond to this by turning these same tactics back on women, otherwise they will appear
desperate to them (and therefore undesirable). Although women generally do want to be wooed by men, this usually
doesn’t extend to a desire for guys to chase even harder when they run – which is stalker material!!!

When a woman acts aloof, a man might therefore play a bit of push/pull (his version of “hot and cold”) whereby he
flirts hard with the woman one day and then next time he completely ignores her. The goal here is to try to get the
woman to second-guess herself (eg. “What did I do wrong – doesn’t he like me anymore?”) to soften her up so that
when he does come back and show interest in her again she will not put up any further resistance.

Alternatively, the man might use mixed signals to have a similar effect. A lot of men know that women try to
analyze a man’s behavior in minute detail and figure out what everything means. Mixed signals are therefore a sure
way to drive her crazy and cause her to invest emotionally in the “relationship” [I put this in quotes to convey the
idea that there is not yet a real relationship]. The man knows that when she can’t figure out his intentions she is then
likely to do things to resolve this conflict in her mind. For example, she might flirt with him a bit to try to draw him
out, which ends her aloofness.

However, if a woman plays hot and cold by doing things like showing strong interest in him, but then not answering
his phone calls and texts or being “too busy” to do anything with him, he might respond by acting aloof in an
attempt to freeze her out.

To give a personal example, this strategy worked well for me on a girl who didn’t respond to my texts after our first
date. Several days later when I saw her again at the place we originally met (ie. this was a chance meeting, not a
“date” of any sort), I completely ignored her as she had broken rapport with me by not replying to my texts. She
ignored me too for a while and it turned into a game of “chicken”.

But eventually she came over and apologized for not replying to my texts (without me even mentioning them!). She
explained that she’d run out of credit on her phone – a very (un)likely scenario given that she was a reasonably
social girl and this was several days after I had sent her the last text. However, the relationship didn’t end up
working out as she kept on pulling stunts like this on me and I was eventually forced to cut her adrift. I expect to be
treated a lot better than this by the people in my life.

iv. Women respond to games

The fourth reason why men play games with women is that women respond to games.

Of course, you’re free to disagree with me if you want, but do you really think that men would keep playing games
if they didn’t actually work?

I truly believe that at some level many women are energized by the games men play. They provide drama and
challenge, and as a result this causes certain chemicals in their brains to be released which make the women feel a
higher level of stimulation and aliveness.
In essence, it is the “bad boy” effect. Although bad boys can cause women to become upset, angry and frustrated,
these are the guys they will often keep dating over and over again. However, the “nice guys” who are totally straight
up with women end up boring them to death with their perpetual availability, lack of challenge and absence of
drama.

v. Purely for fun – they get a kick out of it

The fifth and final reason that I can think of as to why a man might play games with a woman is purely for fun. That
is, some men get a kick out of toying with women and their emotions, and turning them into insecure messes.

I don’t think I need to go too much into this. It is very despicable behavior in just about anyone’s books. But it
certainly does happen; there is no doubt about that.

***

The key to disarming a man’s games in scenarios (i), (ii) and (v) is having strong self-esteem and standards. This is
because in these circumstances the games men play are designed to exploit a woman’s low self-esteem and
sometimes destabilize her in order to get what he wants. But if you don’t allow him to do this to you, his games
won’t have any effect on you other than perhaps causing you to decide that you can do a lot better than him.

It is probably quite reasonable however for a man to fight fire with fire in the third case (iii). If a woman is going to
play games with him, he must respond in kind, otherwise he’ll lower his value by chasing her when she is acting
disinterested. Then she’ll probably just end up going after the bad boy who screws with her mind!!!

In the case of scenario (iv), you just have to accept that you probably do like a bit of drama in a relationship. After
all, flirting could often be viewed as “game playing” and most of us would agree that a certain level of flirting is
necessary for every healthy romantic relationship.
3. Why are men so obsessed about sex?

For many years men have been accused of having almost nothing other than sex on their brains. As the story goes,
men think about sex once every seven seconds while women do so maybe a few times a week. But is this actually
true?

According to a recent study published in the Journal of Sex Research, “Sex on the Brain?: An Examination of
Frequency of Sexual Cognitions as a Function of Gender, Erotophilia, and Social Desirability” (Fisher, Moore and
Pittenger), this is most definitely not the case.

The researchers found that the male college students they studied thought about sex around 19 times a day on
average compared to 10 times a day for their female counterparts.

What this shows is that while men do appear to think about sex more than women, they certainly don’t have the
complete one-track minds which they have often been accused of possessing.

The researchers also found that erotophilia (a measure of how positive a person’s feelings and attitudes about sex
are) was a better predictor of the number of sexual thoughts a person had per day than their gender.

According to Dr. Terri Fisher, this may indicate that there actually is no gender difference, but a difference
according to how comfortable a person is with their sexuality. In other words, the reason that women on average
report having less sexual thoughts than men may be because they are more likely to have negative attitudes
regarding sex and therefore they underreport their number of sexual thoughts when surveyed.

Okay, now that we’ve looked at some hard empirical data, I would like to discuss my take on the issue:

Men are indeed very interested in sex, but not in the way that most women think they are.

Sex for a man is not so much about the direct physical pleasure which he experiences. It is far more about validating
his ego and feeling like a man – by gaining a woman’s approval, which is the first of the four main things that men
want from women (which I cover in detail in my book, Why You’re Still Single).

But what is the connection between sex and approval?

Sex is a major way that men try to gain approval from women, because when a woman allows a man to have sex
with her she is offering him access to the most intimate parts of herself (both physically and emotionally) – which
conveys a high level of approval of him (otherwise she wouldn’t have done it with him in the first place).

Remember that women are generally a lot more selective in who they have sex with than men are and therefore
getting the green light from a particular woman is considered a big achievement for a man – especially if she is
someone particularly hot.

Putting this another way, by having sex with a guy, a woman is saying that he is “man enough” for her and
effectively more of a man than all the guys she has rejected (ie. not allowed to have sex with her).

But in order to gain a woman’s approval through sex (and feel validated as a man), he not only has to do it with her,
he also has to perform by giving her a pleasurable experience in the process.

Because of this, he is more interested in the woman’s physical pleasure than his own. At the end of the sexual
experience he wants to feel that she enjoyed it and would be interested in going for a second round – even if this
never actually takes place.

This is why women often feel pressured into having an orgasm and may resort to faking it; men are looking for signs
of the woman’s pleasure so that they know they’ve performed and would be welcome back.

Sex is therefore an exchange: by giving a man access to the most intimate parts of herself, a woman is giving a man
her approval and validating him. In return, it is his responsibility to take care of her and make her feel great
physically and emotionally (otherwise the approval may be withdrawn and the validation lost).

When you recognize this need that men have for the approval and validation from women (which few women
actually do recognize), you are a long way down the track toward understanding them overall – and therefore getting
what you want from them.

In truth, men are creatures who are extremely eager to please, whether this is in the form of sex or a more mundane
task like fixing the flat tire of a damsel in distress.

If you make them feel validated as men (ie. masculine) they will climb the highest mountains and run to the ends of
the earth in order to take care of you and make you happy.

Unfortunately though, when men try to please women they often end up feeling like stupid fools who got used and
manipulated – when the woman doesn’t fulfill her end of the bargain (give them the approval they seek).

For example, a man gives a female acquaintance a ride home from town to save her a taxi fare, and she doesn’t give
him a hug, a smile, or even a simple thank you in return; she just gets out of the car and says “Okay, bye”. It wasn’t
that he was expecting her to have sex with him, invite him inside for a coffee or anything like that. But he was at
least hoping for a metaphorical pat on the back of some kind.

My parents told me to always say “thank you” when anyone does something for you. But it seems that many women
today were apparently not taught proper manners when they were young.

One male dating coach even has a saying that, “No good deed goes unpunished with women”. That is, as a man
when you do nice things for women it will always come back to bite you in the butt in some way eg. they will
develop an entitlement mentality, disrespect, and lose of any attraction that they may have had for you.

When men get treated like this over and over again they can start to develop resentment toward females, which
might result in them trying to get back at women by using them in return eg. they become players and jerks.

However, this need not be an issue for you; in fact, it represents a major opportunity. If you give men the approval
they are seeking (but are rarely given), you’ll distinguish yourself from most of the other women out there and
endear many guys to yourself. What is more, they’ll be highly motivated to keep doing nice things for you!

But this approval must be kept in proportion to the things a man does to earn it. It would, for example, be a major
mistake to sleep with a man for giving you a ride home or even shower him with a lot of verbal praise – otherwise
he would likely lose respect for you. Simply saying “thank you” and smiling warmly would be far more appropriate
in that situation.

Summing up this chapter, therefore, a man’s desire for sex is really a longing for a woman’s approval – which
allows him to feel validated as a man. And once you realize this strong need that men have for the approval of
women, you are very close to understanding exactly how men think, what they want and why they do what they do.
Furthermore, you’ll know the right buttons to push to get what you want from them; and you will no longer need to
feel like just a sex object.
4. Why do men only want to sleep with a woman once and then never see her again?

Why do (some) men only want to sleep with a woman once and then never see her again – especially when most
guys would consider her to be attractive and highly desirable?

This appears to make absolutely no sense to a large number of women because if men like sex so much why
wouldn’t they want to keep the amazing woman they already have and enjoy her over and over again? After all,
finding a new woman for every sexual encounter is a lot of unnecessary work.

Well, there is a very simple explanation for this sort of behavior by men, at a psychological level. It relates to the
desire for approval from women and validation as men – which I talked about in the last chapter on why men are
(supposedly) so obsessed with sex.

What I discussed in that chapter though does not explain why a man would only want sex with a woman only once
(such as a one-night stand). Therefore, I’m now going to address this particular sub-issue.

The key distinction here is that once a man has had sex with a woman for the first time he has already obtained most
of what he wants from her in terms of the approval and validation as a man that he seeks. Doing it over and over
again with her just doesn’t give him much more of an ego boost.

Furthermore, there is also the risk that she might at some point in the future revoke this access that he now has to her
– which would mean that the approval and validation he obtained from her is effectively lost. When a woman breaks
up with a man (Note: This is NOT the same as him breaking up with her), in his mind it cancels all of the previous
approval that he received from her.

But if he doesn’t try for a round two with her then he doesn’t have to face the possibility of rejection. It is therefore
a case of quitting while he is ahead – meaning that he retains the level of approval from her that he had when he was
last with her.

Another important point to keep in mind is that guys seek the approval of as many women as possible in their lives
in order to boost how they feel about themselves as men.

It is not enough to have only one woman think they’re great, because many other men also have this. Therefore men
seek to separate themselves from the pack by having the approval of many, many women.

This is not only the main (psychological) reason why men desire sex with many different partners, it also explains
why they do nice things for women such as opening doors and going to great lengths to help out damsels in distress.

Men feel very good on the inside when they receive a thank you, smile, hug or kiss after helping women out. Even
though the feeling of approval derived from such things is usually not on the same level as sex, it still is very
significant as a motivator for men – partly because they are at some level hoping that it will eventually lead to sex!

Of course, sex is obviously the “biggie” in terms of seeking approval from women and many men will focus
particularly on this as a KPI (key performance indicator) for their masculinity.

What you need to know is that all a man who is after approval and validation wants to do is keep cycling through a
“rinse and repeat” process. That is, go out and find a new woman, seduce her, cut her adrift and then start again.

The key for him is in having sex with her and then getting out before she has a chance to reject him (or force him
into exclusivity, which would prevent him from going after other women). When he achieves this objective, her
approval of him is locked in and can’t ever be revoked – even if she gets angry about being “played” etc. Now he is
ready to move on to the next woman.

The more women he sleeps with (without later being rejected by them), the more he feels like a man. He will then be
able to brag to his buddies about all this “success” he’s been having and how some of these women are now
supposedly trying to stalk him. Naturally this will convert into a higher social position in the group, since men (and
women!) have a much higher level of respect for those who are very successful with women.

Another bonus of sleeping with lots of women is that it helps to protect a man from rejection when he approaches
future women. Since he already feels the approval of the many women he has already slept with, the occasional one
who won’t even give him the time of day will not affect him greatly. He might reason that there must be something
wrong with her and put it down as her loss.

But if a man has no frame of reference for success with women, every rejection cuts very deep – instead of one
woman rejecting him it feels like every woman has just rejected him. This then makes approaching the next woman
doubly as hard because he’s much more afraid of rejection and she can see this – which makes rejection much more
likely (almost a self-fulfilling prophecy).

There is also a second explanation why a man would only desire sex with a woman once (which is strongly linked to
the psychological reason discussed above). This is that it is biologically wired into him to sleep with as many
different women as he possibly can, to further the human race and ensure that his genes live on forever.

Men have far, far greater reproductive resources than women do; they could potentially impregnate thousands of
women over the course of their lives and have buns in many ovens at the same time. However, when they stay with
one woman they are restricted to the number of children that she can have, which is normally only one every nine
months (excluding the possibilities of multiple and premature births).

Unlike women, men are therefore not “relationship creatures” and will not naturally engage in relationships in the
absence of social or moral pressure. The more sex they have with the same women, the less sex they can have with
different women. Sex with new women is normally a lot more exciting – no matter how sexually desirable the
woman/women they’re currently with is/are.

This is explained quite well by the phenomenon called the “Coolidge Effect” (see
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coolidge_effect). In essence what the Coolidge Effect says is that male mammals
quickly become tired with and lose interest in existing sexual partners; but they get very excited and spring back into
life when they find new ones.

A third reason why men only want to have sex once with a particular woman relates to the other two reasons. This is
that because guys desire a lot of sexual partners, they don’t want the women they sleep with thinking that there is
any sort of relationship involved – which some of the women may do if sex occurs on multiple occasions.

Why is the perception of a relationship bad?

Well, it means the possibility that a woman is going to create a lot of drama when the guy cuts her adrift – such as
her crying, getting angry, begging him to take her back, or developing stalker tendencies. Men hate these things and
will try to avoid them if at all possible, as they normally don’t want to hurt women. Neither do they want to feel like
a bad guy.

It is usually a lot easier for a man to just disappear after the deed has been done. That way, it is far clearer to each
woman that it was just a fun night and no more. And it is less likely to feel like a relationship to her.

At this point, given the stuff I’ve just shared, you may be wondering if it is really possible to have a loving and
mutually fulfilling long-term relationship (especially marriage) with a man.

Well I have good news for you! The answer is a resounding YES.
There is a difference between humans and animals and this is that we humans have both a physical and spiritual
nature, whereas animals are pretty much totally controlled by their biological/psychological urges.

What this means is that human beings have the ability to say “no” to what their body and emotions are telling them
to do and instead act in ways that morally and socially right.

In addition to this, we are able develop intense attachments to others which we commonly refer to as “love”.
Therefore a man can fall in a love with one particular woman and be willing to forsake his urges to sleep with many
other women, by committing to her for a lifetime.

For such a man, she is so much more than just some goal to achieve. There is something about her character,
personality and heart which makes him want to know her more and penetrate her far deeper than he ever can just
physically.

Furthermore, contrary to the Coolidge Effect, sex can actually get better in a committed relationship over time
through the presence of true love and much higher levels of trust – which allows greater levels of intimacy to be
reached.

Of course, there are some men who haven’t yet made the decision to stop acting like animals and continue to be
mastered by their biology and psychology. These immature men are the ones who do go running around trying to
sleep with as many different women as possible in order to feel validated as men and live out their primal instincts.

As a woman, if you don’t want to be used by such men you simply need to identify them and refuse to play along
with what they want to do.

These men are relatively easy to recognize – I give you guidelines for doing so in my answers to some of the other
questions that we cover in this book (eg. Chapter 12: Which is more important to determining a man’s true
intentions toward you – his words or his actions?; Chapter 29: How does he really feel about me – does he truly love
me and see a future for our relationship?)
5. Why do men ask for women’s phone numbers and then never ever call them?

Many women express the frustration that they meet a great guy and seem to make a strong connection with him, but
then he never calls after getting their phone number.

So why does this happen?

Well, there are a several possibilities:

i. Too many options

If a man truly is a great guy then there is every chance that a number of other women will be interested in him too,
giving him a lot of options and potentially far too many to ever pursue.

Therefore, he may have been really sincere in his interest in you originally, but when he went away he realized that
he’s already kind of seeing a few other women and just can’t fit you in.

It is a bit like a highly desirable woman from a man’s perspective. She always has guys after her and there is no way
that she can ever find the time to spend with every guy who she’s somewhat interested in. So she either doesn’t
respond to the calls or texts from the guys she’s less interested in, or she keeps telling them that she’s too busy to
meet up – in the hope that they’ll eventually get the message.

However, since men are normally the pursuers, when they have too many options their way of handling the situation
is to simply not call some of the women.

ii. Too many numbers to call

This is similar to possibility (i), however in this case it is not so much an issue of the man being in great demand, it
is more a situation of him approaching a lot of women and ending up with a stack of phone numbers. There may just
be too many women for him to call and he gets enough favorable responses before he reaches your number.

Men who get training from male seduction experts can fall into this category. They are often men who’ve totally
struck out with women up till very recently in their lives (that’s why they got the training in the first place) and now
want to make up for lost time by approaching as many women as possible rapid-fire to get lots of dates and sex.

They get taught to convey confidence through bold approaches and demonstrate higher value by displaying a
charming personality. And through constant repetition of the process such a man can quickly become very good at
being able to create instant connections with women. The trouble is that they do this with too many women …

iii. He may have lost your number

Unfortunately, a lot of guys aren’t very organized and as a result they may either lose the scrap of paper with your
name and number on it or forget your name and are therefore unable to access your information on their phone
(amongst the hundreds of other names/numbers they have stored). These things do happen and it usually has nothing
to do with their interest in you as a woman.

iv. He may have changed his mind about you

Sometimes a guy will meet a woman and initially be interested in her, but later on he changes his mind about her.
And there is a very good chance that this might be because he meets someone else in the meantime that he’s more
interested in. This is definitely a reason why a man will get a woman’s phone number and not end up calling her.
v. He might not feel that he can hold you

A guy might be extremely interested in you but feel that you’re totally out of his league and that he’s wasting his
time with you. In other words, he has a low opinion of himself and believes that he won’t be able to hold you –
you’ll eventually discover what he’s really like and reject him.

Another angle on this is that some guys are very afraid that you’ll blow them off if they attempt to contact you after
getting your number and would rather end their “relationship” with you on a high note – with your approval of them
intact. They can’t face the possibilities that you won’t take their call, you won’t reply to their text, or if you do that
you’ll indicate lack of interest in seeing them again.

vi. They are only after your approval

The last point brings up another possibility, that the man only asked for your number to gain your approval. Once
you gave him your number he got what he was after from you (ie. validation as a man, which boosted his self-
esteem) and therefore had no need or desire to contact you later.

This is a variation on the case of a man only wanting to sleep with a woman once to gain her approval and validation
as a man (see Chapter 4: Why do men only want to sleep with a woman once and then never see her again?).
6. Why do men not call back after a date when they say they will?

You go out on a date with a man and everything seems to go well from your perspective. At the end of the night he
says that he’ll give you a call in a few days, but that call never comes. What happened?

Often this is highly related to the first reason why men lie to women from Chapter 1 (they’re afraid she’ll react
badly to the truth) in that they don’t want to have a confrontation with her and cause her to be upset. Men are
generally afraid of a woman’s negative emotions and will often do whatever is necessary to avoid them.

Therefore, if by the end of the night the man you go out with has decided that he doesn’t want to see you again, he
might tell you what you want to hear (ie. give you the impression that he’s still interested in you by saying that he’ll
call you) so that he can avoid telling you the truth face to face (ie. it is over). He assumes that you’ll quickly get the
message when he doesn’t call.

You could argue that this is a bit cowardly and I wouldn’t disagree with you there. But it is what it is.

One of my email subscribers, Shannon, had a slight variation on this scenario happen to her which I’d also like to
address:
Why do I keep going on first dates, spending hours and hours eating with, drinking with, and talking to some guy, having him ask me if I’d be
interested in seeing him again, answering his question with a yes, then never seeing again? What is that about? Why ask me if I’d be interested in
seeing you again if you don’t want to see me again? Just move on. Better yet, cut the date short after a quick drink. Why spend hours and hours
with me if you’re not interested?

My reply:
I suspect that the answer to this question relates to approval and validation. He needed to have you express interest in seeing him again to get his
ego hit – which was all he probably wanted and the whole goal of the night for him. But if he said that he wasn’t interested in seeing you again and
cut the night short, he wouldn’t have got to hear you express interest in seeing him again. Therefore he would not have felt approved by you and
validated as a man.

It is also possible, however, that he changed his opinion about you later on or met someone else he was more attracted to in the meantime. But my
bet would be on the first possibility I mentioned.
7. Why does a man start off very interested and then suddenly go cold on a woman?

A major reason why men suddenly go cold on a woman is that they often exaggerate their interest in her initially in
order to gain her attention and wow her. And once they win her over to the point where they know they have her in
the bag, they only really then start to seriously assess her overall merits as a person and begin their decision-making
process. It is a case of “shoot first and ask questions later”.

This is a lot like the process of applying for a job, which most of us would have gone through at least several times
before in our lives:

The process starts off with you deciding to apply for the job if you have enough initial interest in it.

Secondly, you craft your résumé and fill in the job application form in such a way as to make yourself appear as
highly qualified for the job as you possibly can, and also seem very interested in it. The same goes for the job
interview stage if you make the cut.

Only when the company or organization offers you the job (if they do) will you really sit down and decide on
whether you actually want it or not. This is also your chance to haggle over terms, such as salary and benefits.

Such an analogy should give you a great insight into the thinking of men in their approach to women and
relationships. They know that they have to sell hard on the front end in order to get the chance to make a decision on
the back end.

From a man’s perspective, I can tell you that women tend to be very, very choosy initially and you usually have to
make an extremely good first impression to have a chance to go further with a quality one – which often requires
you to display a lot of initial interest in order to get past her “play hard to get” mechanism (if you don’t take the
approach of playing games with her, as I described in Chapter 2: Why do men play games with women?).

The issue for you as a woman though is that what you see is a man who appears very interested in you and then after
a bit of due diligence on your part you decide that he’s someone who you’re willing to consider being in a
relationship with. Then after a date or two he suddenly goes cold and you never see him again. But what you didn’t
realize was that he was never sold on you in the first place.

You therefore need to be aware that men are usually not making any sort of judgment on your relationship qualities
when they first meet you and attempt to sweep you off your feet. At most, what they are doing is saying that they
find you sexually attractive enough to consider further.

But once you give them the first clear indication that you’re interested (eg. you agree to go out on a date with them),
they will start evaluating you much more closely to determine whether they can see themselves with you long term.

A key factor in this evaluation will be whether you are a confident, fun and feminine woman whose company they
enjoy. On the other hand, any signs of neediness, insecurity and desperation will be big red flags that could cause a
man to suddenly go cold and disappear.

A second major reason why a man will suddenly go cold on a woman is that he was only pretending to be interested
in order to get her into bed. And once this happens he disappears.

However, this scenario can easily be avoided by delaying sexual contact with a guy. This is because most of the
guys who adopt such an approach are only after the lowest hanging fruit and won’t stick around in the face of any
significant resistance.
8. Why won’t he commit?

To answer this question, it is important that we first identify what you actually mean by the term “commitment”. I
am assuming that you’re referring to some outward action such as agreeing to be exclusive, moving in together, and
especially marriage – which is the ultimate form of commitment.

But it is absolutely crucial to keep in mind that true commitment is actually first and foremost a matter of the heart
(ie. one’s feelings), and secondly of the will (ie. a decision).

That is, when someone feels strong enough positive emotions toward you, they’ll decide that they want to keep you
close to them in order for this emotional experience to continue (and even intensify). And the stronger the emotions
that they feel, the more passionate they’ll be about staying with you and the greater the price they will be willing to
pay to make this happen (eg. forsake all other options).

Therefore, for a man to go through the outward step of commitment such as marrying you, he must first experience
a sufficiently great inward desire to be with you for the rest of his life. And he is unlikely to ask you to marry him
until he reaches this point.

Too many women though make the big mistake of trying to badger their man into some outward step of
commitment like marriage, before he has actually taken the corresponding inward step (eg. he likes her enough to
want to be with her forever).

Furthermore, trying to badger a man into commitment is likely to make him feel less committed to you and therefore
less likely to actually commit outwardly. This is because badgering behavior is very unattractive – it shows
desperation, neediness and insecurity.

Finally, I must also mention that a man won’t necessarily take the outward step of commitment the minute he has
gone through the inward one. There will usually be some sort of lag, but it is still a mistake to badger a man at this
point for it could cause him to have a change of heart.

Okay, with that said let’s go through the specific issues as to why a man won’t commit (outwardly). We’ll focus
mainly on marriage – which for the majority of women is the end goal for the relationship when they meet the man
of their dreams.

i. He is undecided on you at the moment

Life-long commitment to another person is a huge step to take and there are serious consequences to making a
wrong decision in this regard. A lot of men will therefore want to take their time to make sure that the woman
they’re with is right for them – even if they really like her.

You often just need to be patient regarding this as it is unrealistic to expect someone else to be automatically ready
for marriage the minute you are. But if the two of you have been together for years and he appears no closer to
taking the plunge, he may actually fit into one of the other categories below.

ii. He wants to keep his options open

A related reason is that a man may want to keep his options open in case someone else even better (or a better
lifestyle) comes along. I’m sorry if this hurts or makes you a bit angry, but it is definitely a very valid reason why
men sometimes hold off on marriage.

It could be because his feelings for you are not yet sufficiently strong enough that he is prepared to forsake all other
women for you.
Alternatively, he might just have a stupid fantasy that some drop-dead gorgeous swimsuit model is going to
magically appear in his life and become crazy about him.

A third possibility is that deep down, he may be hoping to live some playboy lifestyle in which he gets laid like a
rock star.

Obviously, possibilities two and three wouldn’t sound very realistic or plausible to the majority of rational human
beings, but to be fair most of us have at least one or two fantasies that we’re not quite ready to let go of just yet.

Over time though, most decent men will come to the realization that what they currently have is pretty darn amazing
and that they would be a fool to ever let her go.

Family and friends can be ones who finally convince a man of this and spur him on to pop the question. But it is a
big mistake to try to do the convincing yourself because you’ll probably just create further resistance in him to the
idea of marrying you.

iii. He is afraid of losing his freedom

To many men, the idea of marriage means becoming a highly domesticated packhorse whose only purpose is to take
care of the needs of others by going to work every day to a demanding job they don’t want to do, doing banking at
lunchtime, picking up groceries on the way home, and then once they actually get home being met with a list of
additional chores and other demands. Then, at three in the morning they get woken up and forced to change dirty
diapers. To make matters worse, their wife constantly complains that they’re a workaholic and need to be a better
husband and father by devoting more time to the family.

Maybe this is a very one-sided picture that doesn’t take into account the great demands that women in this day and
age face. They too have to juggle the demands of work and family and strike an appropriate balance between the
two.

But the fact is, the sort of scenario I have just painted is one that a lot of men very much fear when considering the
prospect of marriage. Their fear is of losing their freedom and no longer being able to make their own choices in
life.

It is vital that you understand that for the average man freedom is extremely important – the desire for this is built
deeply into his psyche. It is probably similar to the strong desire many women feel to have children.

When men commit they lose something and part of them dies on the inside. Obviously they are giving up the
freedom to go after other attractive women who may take their fancy, as we’ve just discussed. This is part of what
commitment means. [By the way, don’t ever accept any kind of an “open” relationship or marriage with a man – this
is not real commitment.]

But committing to a woman also limits the degree to which they can chase their individual purpose and passions in
life (unless these are things which she is passionate about too) – which are vitally important to every man who is
connected to his masculine core. This is even more the case when children come along. The responsibilities of
providing for a family can make a man feel suffocated and even used.

Therefore, from a man’s perspective, if he is going to commit to some woman it had better be worth it to him. There
is a cost and he is expecting significant benefits to compensate for this.

A great woman who he enjoys being around and makes his life better is a very good reason to trade some of his
freedom – particularly if he doesn’t perceive her to be much of a threat to what he really wants to do in life.

When a man is in a happy, loving relationship he is able to operate at a much higher level in life. Other people will
notice that he has more energy and drive, and this will normally translate to better results in whatever he does.
A woman can also help a man feel much better about commitment if she already has a very compelling and full life
of her own, such that there is no hint of neediness, insecurity, desperation and absolutely no clinginess or suffocating
behavior on her part.

What this indicates is that she is not going to completely suck the life out of him down the road. He will therefore be
“allowed” to take time away from her to pursue his life’s passions without emotional abuse later (eg. the silent
treatment or violent emotional outbursts).

What makes marriage an even more attractive prospect is when his woman totally believes in his life purpose to the
point of encouraging and supporting him in it, backing him 100% and giving him the unconditional freedom to
pursue it. And he’ll absolutely love it if she also wants to actively participate in some of his passions with him.

iv. He is too comfortable and satisfied with how things currently are

For some men, the issue as to why they won’t marry a woman is that they are too comfortable and satisfied with
how things are at the moment and don’t feel the need to change anything.

That is, she is making the mistake of giving her man all the benefits of marriage (especially sex, and other things
like cooking and cleaning for him) without him having to marry her. For all intents and purposes, she has committed
to him, but he hasn’t committed to her in return.

When a man is already getting everything he wants from you and he doesn’t think you would leave him, why would
he commit?

It doesn’t make any sense, as there are no advantages to doing so but on the other side of the ledger there are real
costs such as closing all his options to other women. The financial cost of actually getting married can also be very
significant (see point viii, below).

But when you don’t offer a man the benefits of a committed relationship before he actually commits, there is every
chance that he’ll quickly commit and think it was all his idea.

v. He doesn’t think you’re THE ONE (but isn’t motivated to leave you at the moment)

Another very plausible reason why your man has not asked you to marry him is that he doesn’t think that you’re
THE ONE, but he isn’t motivated to leave you at the moment.

There are some reasons that are turning him off you (or possibly he just doesn’t think you possess the “wow factor”
that he’s looking for), but these are not strong enough to make him pull away right now. Maybe he is used to having
a woman in his life and doesn’t want to lose the benefits of being in a relationship, such as the regular sex that he’s
getting.

The bottom line though is that he thinks he can do better than you and may just be biding him time until he is more
motivated to pull the pin on the relationship.

Something like getting an attractive job offer in another part of the country or meeting some other woman may be
what he needs to make the break.

vi. He has been scared off commitment

Some men have been scared off marriage by horror stories they have seen and heard, and consequently they decide
that they don’t want to get married to avoid going through anything like this themselves. The issue for them is not
with marriage per se, but the fear of failing at it.
However, as you develop a deep emotional connection with a man and establish strong levels of trust with him,
there is every chance that such fears may disappear over time and he will reconsider.

vii. He is vehemently opposed to the very concept of marriage

Some men though have strong objections to the idea of real commitment and are vehemently opposed to the very
concept of marriage. This could be because they’ve been burnt in the past, maybe they have just been turned off
from a philosophical perspective, or alternatively their issue may be more pragmatic – marriage doesn’t allow them
to live the life they want (eg. freedom to keep “playing the field”).

If this is case with your man, realize that he’s probably not going to change his position. It has absolutely nothing to
do with you and what you bring to the relationship; it is just how he is.

But if marriage is something that you really want, you need to quickly identify his negative views about the subject
and move on to someone else with a more favorable opinion of it. Don’t waste your precious time waiting for him to
come around – a serious mistake which too many women make.

viii. The cost of the wedding is an issue

Weddings today can be very expensive and a man might not feel that he can afford the type of wedding that he
thinks you would expect. He may have every desire to marry you, but he considers it to be too much of a financial
burden at the moment.

If this is his objection, communication will be very important to getting around the issue. Usually, if there is a will
there is a way – you just need to put your thinking cap on and become a bit creative.

For example, the two of you could put some money away each week into a saving fund to pay for the wedding. Or
maybe, one set of parents would agree to loan the two of you some of the money until you can afford to pay it off.
Parents are often highly motivated to see you get married too, especially if they think there might be some grandkids
just around the corner!
9. Why are men so afraid of commitment?

While this question is very similar to “Why won’t he commit?” (which we’ve just covered), I believe that it is still
sufficiently different for it to be answered separately.

Firstly though, I think we need to examine what is being asked a bit more closely. To me, there is some faulty logic
going on in that if a man isn’t committing (or won’t commit) it means that he’s afraid of commitment.

But this is not a valid conclusion to draw because there are multiple reasons why a man might not want to commit
now (or ever), many of which have little to do with fear. For instance, as we discussed in the last chapter, a man
might not want to commit because he doesn’t think the woman he’s with is THE ONE for him.

To give a real-life example of this, several years ago a couple I knew reasonably well (“Mike” and “Jane” – not their
real names) broke up after Mike called it off. Jane complained that Mike’s problem was that he was afraid of
commitment, while he confessed to me that he just could never get very excited about the relationship. What
effectively happened was that she was pushing for marriage when he knew she wasn’t the one for him, so he ended
it.

That being said, it is true that some men are indeed afraid of commitment – especially marriage. To them, it is often
a fear of losing their freedom and being trapped.

As I mentioned in the last chapter, freedom is of great importance to most men. Freedom is a goal that men are
constantly striving to achieve in their lives – whether they know it consciously or not.

For example, they want to be rich (ie. financially free), not have a boss (ie. be free of being told what to do), they
desire freedom over their time to do what they want to do when they want to do it, and they long to be free of all
commitments that restrict them in any way (including relationships).

Regarding relationships, it is therefore absolutely crucial that you recognize the differences between the way men
view relationships and how you as a woman do.

As a woman, you probably find it very strange that being in a committed relationship such as marriage could cause a
man to feel loss of freedom – because to you this sort of relationship can be very freeing in the sense of giving you
more safety and security. Furthermore, it provides you with a solid base from which to have children (and then raise
them) – a strong desire for most women.

The key difference though is that for him marriage does not mean safety and security as it most likely does for you.
Men do not look to women for these kinds of things. They have been brought up to be self-reliant, and in addition to
this, protect and provide for others – which can turn into significant responsibilities and end up threatening their
freedom.

In her book “Men Made Easy”, dating and relationship author Kara Oh discusses one particular expectation around
marriage:

“ … when you were engaged, it’s likely that, after your friends shared your enthusiasm, one of them asked,
‘Are you going to continue to work?’ When your fiance’ [sic] announced to his buddies that he was getting
married, that question wouldn’t even enter their minds. Yes, you both work, but there’s an underlying
assumption that you have the option, at least some day, to not work. He doesn’t feel he has a choice. If you
mutually decided that he was going to become a househusband, how do you think people would judge him?”

This highlights the huge responsibility that men assume when they commit fully to a woman. Now instead of only
having to provide for themselves they have the prospect of eventually having three, four or five mouths to feed (and
possibly even more!).
Such a responsibility cannot be taken lightly – especially if at the moment he doesn’t have much money left after all
of his monthly expenses (for just himself!!!) are paid and his job takes up a lot of his time and energy.

Are you now starting to see from a man’s perspective as to why he may be reluctant to commit?

A relationship usually means that he has less security (and freedom) than he did without one, because when he was
single all he needed to do was look after himself and he didn’t have to consider anyone else’s wants and needs when
making choices about how he was going to live his life.

Furthermore, if he enters a marriage with a large amount of financial resources compared to his wife, he faces the
risk of losing half of everything he’s ever worked for in the event that the relationship fails.

This happened to a guy I knew reasonably well. He (reluctantly) married his girlfriend who brought no financial
resources into the relationship. Several years later they got divorced and he lost half of the equity in his house, half
of all his savings and he had already effectively paid for her to go right through college and get a degree. The
marriage probably ended up costing him well over a hundred thousand dollars, not to mention all the emotional
turmoil that he went through. Fortunately though, there weren’t any children involved which would have
complicated matters further.

This however, is the kind of horror story that makes a lot of men very nervous about entering into a binding legal
commitment in the form of marriage. There is a very real threat to their security should anything go wrong – which
in the early 21st century is far from a remote possibility.

Still another thing that men are worried about in terms of formal commitment is that at some stage down the road
their wife might lose interest in having sex with them and then say “no” most (or all) of the time when they try to
initiate it. This would feel like the ultimate betrayal to a man – especially when he has given up and risked so much
to be with her. Because in marrying her, he committed to sexual exclusivity and then he ends up with no sex life.

Therefore to summarize, men feel that marriage presents some significant threats to their freedom, security and
ongoing sex life. And these threats are real; they could not easily be placed into the categories of paranoia or remote
possibilities.

A large part of your success in getting a man to marry you will therefore depend on how successful you are in
making him feel that the potential rewards of committing to you more than outweigh the risks and things that he has
to give up. Developing deep emotional connection and strong amounts of trust with him will be crucial in this
regard.

Of course, it must be said that some men are just immature little boys who are afraid of taking real responsibility in
life. They want to continue to hang with their buddies all the time, stay up late eating pizza and playing video
games, and generally live a wasted sort of life – while at the same time still being able to enjoy the benefits of being
an adult, such as having sex.

As a woman, you need to quickly identify these irresponsible “boy-men” and stay well away from them. Believe
me, you won’t be able to turn them into real, responsible men, so don’t even try. All you’ll end up doing is wasting
your precious time and then complaining that all men are commitment-phobes. They aren’t – you just chose wrong.
10. Do men want to settle down with a great woman and have a family, or live a playboy
lifestyle forever?

Yes, most men do eventually want to settle down with a great woman and raise a family with her instead of living a
playboy lifestyle forever.

Of course, it is true that there are a lot of college-age men who do, in their words, want to “bang a bunch of chicks”.
There are also some older guys who were never successful with women when they were young, who are keen to
make up for lost time.

However, most men eventually grow up and realize that sleeping with a lot of women is not what they’re really
looking for. And if they actually manage to achieve this kind of “success”, it is never as satisfying as they had
expected it would be.

Once they grow up and leave behind their desire for this kind of playboy lifestyle, they look for something a lot
more meaningful.

When they meet that someone special (you perhaps?) they realize that the love and adoration of an amazing women
is worth far more than all the one night stands they could ever hope for. And they discover that the joy of bringing
their own children into this world is beyond words to them.

For the vast majority of men, therefore, marriage and family will trump every alternative on offer.

Even some of the most famous pickup artists from the last decade or so, who you’d never have thought would ever
settle down, have recently gotten married (eg. “Hypnotica” see http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Be7huZfdmIA).
These men had the option to get laid like a rock star but chose instead to give it all up for one great woman. At least,
I’m assuming that the women they married are great women!!!

However, to back up for just one moment, I need to point out something very important which most guys would
rather you not know. This is that the ultimate playboy lifestyle of picking up a new hot girl every other night and
taking her home is no more than a distant fantasy for 99 percent of men who hope to live like this.

It is so far out of their reality that it isn’t even a remote possibility for them. Honestly, most men find it so incredibly
difficult to attract even one great woman that they are more than happy to settle down with her when they get the
opportunity to do so. This is not because these men aren’t attractive to women. It is because the majority of the time
fear stops them from approaching those they most desire.

As a woman, you therefore have a lot more power in most situations than what you probably think. It never ceases
to amaze me how much women overestimate the ability of men to go out and pick up other women. Usually, only
the most confident men can pull it off consistently.
11. How do I know when a man is truly open to commitment?

It may surprise you to learn that the majority of single men ARE actually open to serious commitment from their
mid-20s onwards – but ONLY with the right woman.

If they meet an amazing girl when they’re 24 then there is every chance that they’ll be willing to marry her
relatively soon and settle down. And this openness only increases over time as they get older without meeting that
special lady.

But something that I think a lot of women do is misinterpret a man’s apparent initial indifference to commitment for
a total lack of interest in it.

What is important to realize is that most (desirable) single men are usually not actively looking for commitment at
any given time. Their focus is more on meeting someone they feel a high degree of attraction to and seeing how
things progress from there. They are far more motivated about getting a great girlfriend than a wife.

As a woman looking for commitment, you therefore need to first get your foot in the door by displaying an
abundance of attractive qualities, such as high self-esteem, confidence and femininity, which we’re going to look at
in Chapter 21: What do men find attractive in a woman? This is what will grab a man’s attention and make him start
pursuing you.

From there, what you need to do is give him the four things that men most want from a woman that I talk about in
Why You’re Still Single (ie. approval, respect/admiration, trust, and appreciation). These things are what cause him
to fall in love with you and enable you to move from being just a date, to his girlfriend, and then eventually his wife.

But one mistake which a lot of women who are looking for marriage make is presenting too much of an agenda to a
man. They are too upfront about the fact that they’re looking for a husband (or they give the strong impression that
this is what they’re really after), which will scare away a lot of great men who would potentially be interested in
them and open to marriage in the not-too-distant future.

Another error that some women make if they get their foot in the door is that they give a man all the benefits of
commitment (especially sex) without him actually committing as we discussed in relation to the question: “Why
won’t he commit?” (Chapter 8).

This is only going to make him hold off committing fully and cause the woman to question whether he is a guy
who’s interested in real commitment. If she stays with him he may end up eventually committing, but this is likely
to be quite a few years down the road as there are few immediate advantages to him in marrying her sooner rather
than later.
12. Which is more important to determining a man’s true intentions toward you – his words or
his actions?

Looking at a man's actions is so much more important in determining his true intentions toward you than merely
listening to his words. Some men will tell a woman exactly what she wants to hear (eg. "I love you") to get what
they want from her (eg. just sex). To avoid this you cannot rely on his words until he has proven himself trustworthy
over a period of time.

When you start observing a man’s behavior toward you, you will quickly get a picture of where you fit into his
plans. For instance, a man may tell you that you’re beautiful and say that he loves you, but does he show this in how
he acts?

A man who does see you as girlfriend and wife material will love going out on proper dates with you and enjoy the
process of getting to know the real you. He won’t get angry when you refuse to sleep with him (which you need to
do if you want to speed up the commitment process). He will introduce you to his friends and family and try to make
you part of his “tribe”. In addition to this, he’ll confide in you more and more over time and share his deepest
aspirations with you – to build emotional connection.

However, men who have no real interest in a long-term relationship may say that they love you, but invariably
they’ll be reluctant to take you out on too many nice dates. And when they see you, everything will probably be
geared toward getting you into bed (often in the most time-efficient way eg. drinks or a movie at his place after
9pm). If you keep refusing to sleep with them over time, they’ll start to lose their patience with you and may even
get a bit angry.

Be very careful also when a man won’t introduce you to his family and friends as this is a reasonably reliable sign
that he does not want you to become part of his tribe. Very few guys want to introduce their casual girlfriends to
those closest to them because it makes the likely breakup much more messy when it happens.

Furthermore, such men will also try to retain some emotional distance from you as they fear you going crazy at them
when they end the relationship. They are unlikely to share many things that are very personal to them and they will
try to keep what they tell you quite superficial.

The moral of the story is to look at a man’s actions rather than listen to his words. Definitely do not have sex with
anyone quickly otherwise you’ll find yourself getting played time and time again.

When you have observed a man’s actions and behavior over a reasonable period of time you can then compare the
two and accurately assess whether you can trust what he says or not. If his actions line up with his words on a
consistent and ongoing basis you then know with a high degree of certainty that what he says is true (eg. he does
love you).

But if there is any consistent discrepancy between the two, it is a fair bet that he does not have honorable intentions
towards you and isn’t trustable. Remember that a relationship must be based on mutual trust – which has to be
earned.
13. Why do men pull away?

The simple reasons why men pull away from women they’re in relationships with are that they no longer think that
she could be THE ONE (if they ever did in the first place), or they feel that the relationship in its current form is no
longer meeting their needs, desires and expectations. In short, they believe that they can do a lot better for
themselves.

The more important question to ask, though, is why this might the case. For men DO NOT pull away from women
who they see as unbelievable catches. It just does not happen.

Other than basic incompatibility (such as personality conflict and the two of you heading in different directions in
life), three of the biggest things that can cause a man to feel that you’re not THE ONE or that the relationship isn’t
meeting his needs/desires/expectations are the following:

- neediness

- insecurity

- desperation

Each of these three is highly related to the other two and they all tend to result in the woman becoming clingy and/or
demanding (possibly accompanied by a lot of drama), which will eventually cause her to suffocate the man she’s
with.

The fact is that when someone feels suffocated by their partner they will instinctively try to get away from them –
maybe slowly at first. But if the suffocation becomes very intense they’re likely to pull away extremely quickly.
This is when a man will give his girlfriend the dreaded “talk”.

Another important element to this turn-off factor is that suffocation by a woman totally destroys the natural
masculine-feminine polarity which is needed for attraction to occur [We’re going to be discussing this polarity
further in Chapter 21: What do men find attractive in a woman?]. Instead of the man pursuing the woman, the
woman effectively starts chasing the man (ie. she acts in a masculine way).

But when a woman starts chasing a man, he will instinctively run. You therefore need to set up your relationship so
that your man is always pursuing you (which he actually wants to do). However if you suffocate him, this becomes
impossible since instead of pursuing you he actually wants to get away from you.

Another important reason why a man might come to believe that either the woman he’s with is not THE ONE or the
relationship isn’t meeting his needs/desires/expectations is that she doesn’t possess the X-factor he is looking for.

A common occurrence is that a woman will have the looks to draw a man in, but her inner qualities such as her
personality, intellect and level of self-confidence just don’t reach the same heights. And when a man comes to this
conclusion he will be forced to end the relationship.

This may not seem fair, but I am trying to tell it like it is. Men who have options with women just don’t settle for
someone who is average or kind of okay. If they’re going to forsake all other women by making a serious
commitment (especially marriage), the woman who they choose to commit to will need to be exceptional – from
their perspective, at least.

However, I don’t want you to start being afraid that you’ll never be exceptional enough to attract and keep the man
of your dreams. I believe that just about every woman has the ability to present herself as exceptional to at least
some amazing men out there (remember that every man will have different perceptions – what one man considers
average could be out of this world to another). It is just a matter of constantly working to become the best YOU that
you can possibly be.

An argument I sometimes get from women when I say this is that, “Why should I always have to keep working to
attract a man and keep him interested? He should just like me for who I am.”

The reality though is that an exceptional man is not going to choose you if you are not exceptional yourself. After
all, you’re not going to accept a man who you’re not that into either, are you?

Remember also that the reason why exceptional men are exceptional is that they have probably worked tirelessly to
bring themselves up to the level that they’re currently at. So it’s not just women who have to keep putting the work
in.

As a man, I (James Taylor) am on a constant and never ending journey to become the best that I can be – not only
for women, but also to make the greatest contribution in the world that I possibly can.

You wouldn’t believe the number of books I have read, all the video programs I have watched, the audio programs I
have listened to and the seminars/conferences I have attended over the years on personal development-related
subjects. Not to mention the many years I have spent in the gym 4-5 times a week working at making my body
physically strong and healthy.

I can honestly say that if I hadn’t worked as hard as I have to improve myself, you definitely would not be reading
this book now, as it would never have been written.

Anyway, the reason I’m telling you all this is to make it clear that I am not asking you to do anything I haven’t
personally done myself. Nor am I suggesting that you need to work your butt off to impress some lazy couch potato
with a great big beer belly. The man of your dreams will be working tirelessly to catch your attention too.

What I am therefore asking you to do is make a decision to better yourself and become exceptional, not just for men,
but for yourself – then the man of your dreams will turn up in your life and choose you over every other woman!

Who knows, you might even find him in the process of improving yourself, such as at your local Toastmasters club
or some personal development conference. Men of quality tend to be greatly over represented at such places.

But be reassured that it won’t take 10 years of effort to bring yourself up to some arbitrary required standard; just
being on the journey will probably be enough to impress a guy. It is extremely sexy to a man when he finds a
woman who is committed to bettering herself. When he sees how committed to herself that she actually is
(indicating how much that she values herself and feels she’s worth), there is every chance that he’ll want to commit
to her too.

A big fear that many men have is that they’ll meet an attractive woman, marry her and then she’ll suddenly cut her
lovely long hair short, allow herself to become morbidly obese, wear baggy sweatpants all the time, and generally go
into low-maintenance mode – because she’s already made “the sale”.

But when a man sees that a woman is committed to her own personal growth (for herself more than him or anyone
else), it will greatly allay his fears that she’ll eventually let herself go.

My advice therefore is to not put in any amount of effort before you meet a guy that you are not willing to maintain
after he commits to you. Men perceive this as false advertising.
14. Why do men cheat?

There are a number of reasons why a man might cheat on the woman he is supposedly in love with. Some of these
relate to his dissatisfaction with her and the relationship, while others have absolutely nothing to do with either her
or the relationship.

I will cover the five main reasons now:

i. She emotionally castrates him

One thing that can definitely trigger a man to cheat is when his woman emotionally castrates him, which can
literally send him into the arms of another woman.

By emotionally castrating a man, I mean that she constantly says and does things which call his manhood into
question and make him feel less of a man (or not one at all).

Here is a list of examples, which while not complete is very representative of the sort of things that will cause a man
to start feeling emotionally castrated by his woman and drive him toward cheating (given the opportunity to do so):

- Criticism

- Complaining

- Argumentative behavior

- Anger/aggression

- Disappointment

- Disapproval

- Disrespect

- Mocking/belittling him

- Contempt

- Disgust

- Distrust

- Lack of interest in any physical intimacy (eg. things like hugs, kisses and cuddles)

- Reluctance or refusal to follow his lead

- Lack of acknowledgement or appreciation for who he is and what he does

All of these things disaffirm him as a man and the more you express them, the less he will want to be around you
and the more he’ll desire the company of other women who will give him the opposites of each of these things –
which he absolutely craves more than just about anything else in life, including fame and fortune.

To give you an idea of how your man will feel when you do these things, it is quite similar to how you would
probably feel if he said or did things which conveyed the idea that he does not see you as being beautiful (physically
or otherwise) and desirable as a woman.

For example, imagine how you would feel if your husband told you that you were becoming very overweight and
unattractive, and that he wouldn’t be interested in having sex with you again until you made some drastic changes to
your appearance.

Most likely, your levels of self-esteem and self-confidence would instantly plummet, along with your feelings of
happiness and joy in life. You would then start to close down and withdraw from him, while seeking consolation in
other things (eg. food).

But women do the equivalent of this to their men all the time without realizing the damage they’re doing to him and
the relationship.

Now imagine that an attractive co-worker comes along and the two of them become friends. He starts sharing all the
horrible things his wife says and does to him at home, and his “friend” empathizes with him and gives him a lot of
moral support.

An emotional connection then develops between them and before you know it they’re sneaking around doing things
they shouldn’t be doing together. This is how a good man can be seduced into cheating on the woman he loved and
was committed to.

As a woman therefore, if you want to do everything you can to prevent your man cheating on you, you must take
particular care to avoid emotionally castrating him. If you start undermining his manhood, he will go away and find
someone else who will make him feel like a man again. It’s that simple.

ii. Withdrawal of attention

The second major reason why a man could cheat on his woman is highly related to the first. It is a withdrawal of
attention.

This might be the case when a woman has just had a baby and instead of her husband being the focus of her
attention it now turns to her new son or daughter.

Alternatively, she could go through a very demanding few months at work such that she just hasn’t got the time or
energy to put into her relationship like she used to do.

Whatever the case, her man might feel neglected and unloved as a result of her lack of attention to him.

Although there was no direct attack on his masculinity as in (i), the effect on him can be very similar to this and
result in him falling into temptation if he meets a woman who does provide him with the love and attention he is
lacking.

iii. She lets herself go

When a woman lets herself go physically and/or otherwise, it causes a man to lose both his respect for her and his
attraction to her. It is not that she is getting older and losing her looks (men accept that a woman is not going to look
25 forever), but that she stops taking care of herself as she did when they first met.

For example, she might stop going to the gym and gradually lose her figure as a result. Alternatively, she may go
into low maintenance mode by chopping off her lovely long hair, wearing sweatpants often and no longer doing the
little things that make the difference (eg. eye shadow, nice perfume and removal of all facial hair).

Another possibility is that as a result of having a baby she puts on a lot of weight but doesn’t seem to care about this
or have any intention to lose it. I’m sorry if you find this offensive, but this is how men think.
When a man gets into a relationship with a woman, he is doing so because he is happy with her and wants her to
continue being the way she is. But it feels like false advertising when a woman stops putting in the effort once he’s
made the commitment to her.

The result is that a man will become more susceptible to temptation when it comes along. As I’m going to discuss in
the next couple of points, men are not naturally monogamous creatures. It takes a lot of effort for them to remain
faithful to one woman for an extended period of time – especially over a lifetime.

iv. The animal nature of men

At his core, each and every man has an animal nature which causes him to desire sex with many different women on
a regular basis.

It does not matter whether he is a sex addict, a loving husband and father, or a moral crusader who preaches against
the evils of society. Neither does it matter how attractive his woman is – even if she’s Miss America or some sexy
swimsuit model.

Nothing and I mean nothing will prevent him from feeling the temptation to get with other women who he finds
attractive.

Most men though (especially those who are very happily married) will have the necessary self-control to resist these
temptations and won’t act on them when it comes to the crunch. If they have something really good they won’t want
to risk losing it by doing anything stupid.

For some however, the temptations will become too much and they’ll eventually succumb to them and cheat on the
women they love. In this case, there’s probably nothing a woman can do to prevent this other than choosing a man
with a lot more moral fortitude and self-control in the first place.

If a man cheats on you, it is therefore not necessarily an indication that you are lacking in any way or that he’s
dissatisfied with the relationship. Quite possibly he just couldn’t control his animal desires and it had absolutely
nothing to do with you.

Having said this though, you can contribute to his lack of resistance to temptation if points (i)-(iii) are an issue in the
relationship.

v. Women are very attracted to men who are in relationships (especially married men)

Finally, many men can attest to the fact that they receive a lot more interest from women when they’re in a
relationship as opposed to being single. It is often a case of there either being a feast or a famine in terms of the
options they have available to them.

When they are single and looking, women seem to pay them little or no attention for the most part, but once they’re
in a relationship women start to see them in a whole new light – even if they’re not wearing a wedding ring and they
don’t have their girlfriend/wife at their side.

This is because women tend to be very attracted to the men that other women want or have and will sometimes
actively target them. They’re also highly attracted to men who aren’t “on the prowl” – those who are not trying to
get anywhere with women (such as married men).

To give an example, a guy might go out on the town for a few drinks with some of coworkers and have a hot girl
come over and dance against him seductively. How should he respond – should he be totally rude and ignore her, or
grab her hand and have “just one” dance with her? Dilemmas like this frequently arise for men in relationships.

What all this means is that when men (especially the more desirable ones) are in relationships, their levels of self-
control to their natural animal desires will often be tested very rigorously. And again, any dissatisfaction with their
current relationship will make them even more vulnerable to the temptations they’re confronted with.
15. How do I know when my husband’s cheating on me?

While it is impossible to say for sure whether your husband (or committed boyfriend) is cheating on you unless you
catch him in the act, there are a number of signs to look for which include the following:

- He suddenly loses interest in sex with you (if the relationship is sexual)

- He is not so interested in spending time with you

- He starts pulling away from you emotionally

- He starts working late a lot

- He goes out a lot more often without you – supposedly with friends or co-workers

- He comes home with women’s hair on his clothes that you know isn’t yours

- You can smell a woman’s perfume on him

- He has lipstick on him

- He suddenly starts having a lot of showers (such as before and after he goes out alone – especially with a small gap
of time in between)

- He starts behaving a bit weird or unusual (eg. he acts likes he has something that he’s trying to hide)

- When his phone rings he often goes into another room to answer it when he never used to do that

- You notice that he gets calls (or texts) from women you don’t know (eg. when you look at the caller ID)

- He talks quite frequently on Facebook with another woman (and maybe even flirts with her)

- He becomes secretive about his activities and you sometimes catch him lying about them

- He suddenly starts to dress a lot sharper and pays more attention to his appearance and personal hygiene generally

It is important to point out though that to have reasonable grounds for suspicion you need to find several of these
signs (and similar ones) which keep cropping up again and again over time. One of these signs on its own
occasionally should not constitute evidence of cheating as there are a number of innocent ways that it could be
explained.

For example, if he suddenly starts working late a lot it may just indicate that he has major deadline looming.
However, if you combine this with him coming home late smelling of women’s perfume and then rushing off to
have a shower (when he used to only shower in the morning), you would have real reason to become suspicious. But
this still doesn’t prove anything.

Be careful also that you are not projecting your own fears onto the situation. Low self-esteem and deeply engrained
insecurity in a woman can cause her to imagine the worst when in reality nothing is happening. Realize that if you
accuse your husband of cheating when he’s not, you will almost certainly damage your relationship (and could even
ruin it forever).

It is therefore best to always give your man the benefit of the doubt until the evidence becomes so overwhelming,
and be very cautious about jumping to premature conclusions. Furthermore, never make wild accusations as these
will almost always totally backfire on you.
16. How do I know that he’ll always remain faithful to me?

You don’t.

No matter how passionately in love with you he currently is, how trustworthy and loyal he appears to be, how loving
toward him that you are, and how attractive you are, there is always some chance that a man will cheat on you or
simply just leave you for another woman.

Unfortunately, this sort of thing happens all the time in every socio-economic group, political persuasion, race and
religion. As I explained in Chapter 14: Why do men cheat?, every man has an animal nature which leaves him
susceptive to the temptation to cheat, given the opportunity to so.

However, there are a couple things that you can do from your end which will substantially reduce the chances that
your man will cheat on you:

i. Choose your man carefully

The first thing that you need to do is choose your man carefully. Make sure that he is an honest, honorable, and
faithful man, who is consistent and makes good on his word in every area of his life, despite the cost. That is, when
he says he’s going to do something, he does it.

You would have reason for caution, for example, if he made a new year’s resolution to go to the gym and lose 20
lbs, but then he quit after only a couple of weeks because it was just too hard and time consuming.

What this says about him is that he only follows through on commitments as long as they continue to feel good and
don’t inconvenience him. But when they stop feeling good or become too much trouble to honor, all bets are off.

This is likely to flow through to every other area of his life, including his relationships. You need to therefore look
closely at a man’s life in general before giving him your heart.

One area that you must pay particular attention to is whether he follows through on commitments he has made to
others – even to his own cost. Each of us, for example, has found ourselves in the position where we agreed to do
something with or for others on a particular day (or at a certain time) and then later found out that something else
really big was happening concurrently, making it impossible to do both.

For instance, we might have promised to take our friend home from the dentist and keep them company for the night
after having their wisdom teeth removed, but a couple of days after committing to this we get invited to a huge party
the same night which everyone’s going to be at.

Scenarios like this are a great test of a person’s character. You therefore need to be very wary of any man who will
do the dishonorable thing by backing out of his commitments when something better comes along. It is a fair bet that
he wouldn’t hesitate to break any relationship commitments and vows he makes to you in the future.

Many women though make the tragic mistake of allowing their hearts to be stolen away by bad boys who clearly
have no concern for anyone other than themselves, and then are shocked when these men cheat on them. But was it
ever going to be end up any other way? I don’t think so!

Remember the rule that, “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” Some men have a very bad history of remaining faithful
in relationships and make no bones about this fact. But it is foolish to accept their promises that they are now a
changed man (which they’ll probably tell every new woman who finds out about their past).

Sorry, but this is extremely unlikely. And don’t be suckered into the lie that you’re the one who will change them
and bring them back on the straight and narrow. You won’t – believe me!
You also need to be careful of men who while they may not have any real history of cheating, have slept with a lot
of women. The issues here are that they’re not used to commitment and in all likelihood are addicted to thrill of
sleeping with many different women.

These things are problems because being free to play to field is their comfort zone, and after the initial thrill of being
with you wears off they’re going to feel withdrawal symptoms as a result of being faithful to you. Just as a drug
addict will struggle when they try to give up the drugs, a man who is used to being with many women is going to
find it difficult to say no to other opportunities when they arise.

ii. Be a great partner to him

The second main thing that you can do to make it much more likely that your man will remain faithful to you is to
be a great partner to him.

Maintain and even improve on the qualities which attracted him to you in the first place. And give him the things he
is looking for from you and the relationship, which all basically boil down to making him feel like a strong
masculine man, who is highly desired.

When a man is with a woman he’s highly attracted to and receives everything that he wants and needs in a
relationship, it becomes so unlikely that he’ll ever look outside of it, given that he is an honest, honorable and
faithful guy to begin with.

But if she lets her personal standards slip, takes him for granted or treats him poorly (eg. emotionally castrates him –
see Chapter 14 (i)), all bets are off.
17. Why do men look at other women – does this mean that I’m no longer attractive to him?

The key to answering this question is in understanding a man’s biology. This dictates that whatever his age, he is
always on the lookout for fertile females to mate with (and as many of them as possible!), whether he is currently in
a fulfilling relationship or not. It’s in his animal nature and almost as unconscious as breathing, therefore he can’t
really help it unless he trains himself to be very disciplined in this area.

The thing is that he will invariably look at other women before thinking and when he realizes what he’s doing his
first thought (if you are around) will probably be, “Try not to get caught – make it only a very quick glance or
pretend to be looking at something else (have a plausible excuse for looking in that direction).”

Whether you catch your man looking at other women or not, realize that he’s almost certainly doing it from time to
time – especially when you’re not around! [Some men however are better than others at disguising the fact that they
are doing this.] It does not matter whether you are the most attractive and desirable woman in the world. NO woman
on the planet is able to stop her man looking at other women.

It therefore has absolutely nothing to do with your attractiveness or desirability as a woman. Neither does it indicate
in any way that your man is dissatisfied with you and considering either leaving the relationship or cheating on you.

The fact is that he is a man and it is nigh on impossible for him to stop himself looking at other women who he finds
attractive.

So now that we’ve totally nailed that point you’re probably wondering how you should deal with him checking out
other women, especially when he does so right in front of you.

Here are a few things that you need to focus on:

i. Don’t take it personally

It is crucial that you not take it personally. As I’ve just explained, when your man looks at other women it is in all
likelihood no reflection on your value to him. He is a man with animal instincts which he can’t just turn off because
he wants to. Would you really want it any other way?

However, if he’s committed to you and the relationship, all it will usually be is a quick look and no more. Honorable
and decent men don’t use their biological instincts as a license to rub it in your face by staring at other women and
even trying to flirt with them in front of you. That is genuinely disrespectful and if I was a woman I would not
tolerate such bad behavior (see iii).

ii. Don’t get angry and try to shame him

It is also vital that you don’t get angry and try to shame him for looking at another woman. This will only make you
appear insecure and far less feminine. And the result is that it’ll reduce his feelings of attraction to you, kill his
desire to be around you, and cause him to want to be with the other woman he just looked at so much more.

You have therefore lost if you give him the impression that you see the other woman as competition to yourself. It is
not going to help you in any way.

As well, before trying to judge men for checking out other women I suggest that you first have a look at yourself
too. Do you ever notice men and have a bit of a look?

I think there is a very good chance that you do too from time to time. Maybe you are better at getting away with it.
But this still doesn’t change the fact that you too have animal instincts and reflexes which can be hard to control.
So therefore, don’t be a hypocrite; cut him some slack. He is human, just as you are.

iii. Ignore his behavior or engage in dialogue with him

As I emphasized above, his behavior probably doesn’t mean anything about you and his satisfaction with the
relationship, so don’t make it about that.

For low to medium level “offending” (eg. quick glances at other women) I would therefore just take an indifferent
attitude, ignore his behavior and be thankful that he’s a real man who loves and appreciates women. You will be the
beneficiary of this in the long run if you play your cards right!

If however, your man interprets your turning a blind eye as being a license for disrespectful behavior (eg. long
lingering gazes at other women when you’re around – which he scarcely tries to hide) you’ll probably need to take
some action.

My suggestion is that instead of getting angry and doing something dramatic like slapping him in the face or
shouting/screaming at him, you engage in dialogue with him.

A great way to do this is that when you catch him staring at a woman, call out his behavior by asking him the
question: “Do you think she’s quite hot?”, in an almost teasing way without displaying any negative emotion on
your face or in your voice (but be careful not to give him any clear signs of your approval of this behavior either).

This alerts him to the fact that you’re aware of what he’s doing, but not overly bothered or threatened by it – which
ensures that you won’t appear insecure and he won’t feel particularly judged.

It gives him the chance to confess and apologize for his behavior, and also discuss it with you in a constructive way.
In addition to this, it puts pressure on him to control himself more in the future – even if he denies his guilt.

Only if this fails to cause a change in behavior would I raise the issue with him directly. But again, try not to get
overly emotional when you have this discussion so that you don’t make yourself look insecure and therefore lose
some of his respect.
18. Does a man still think about other women when he’s in love with me?

Yes, of course he probably does from time to time.

As we discussed above, a man’s body causes him to have the desire to mate with as many fertile females as possible
and no matter how much in love with you that he is, he cannot just turn this desire off completely. It is something
that he’ll have to battle to control for the rest of his life.

So yes, he is likely going to check out other women he finds attractive and think about being with them.
Furthermore, he’ll occasionally think back to earlier in his life and imagine what it would have been like if he had
married previous girlfriends or any other women he was interested in.

The most important question to ask however is not whether a man thinks about other women. Far more important is
whether a man chooses to act on any of those thoughts or he leaves them as pure, passing fantasies.

Honorable and faithful men do the right thing and won’t allow their animal nature to derail healthy, mature
relationships with the woman they love. You don’t have to worry too much about that.
19. Why has he stopping giving me all the love and attention he did when we were dating?

A lot of women discover that once they enter into commitment with a man (especially marriage) he stops doing all
the nice romantic things he used to do when they were dating. He doesn’t surprise with flowers anymore, no more
candlelit dinners, and sweet nothings whispered in the ear are now a thing of the past.

The reason for this is that guys are very goal-oriented creatures and once they achieve their goals they tend to move
on to new ones. Therefore when a guy feels that he’s “got you” he’ll probably stop chasing you and doing all those
nice romantic things that he used to do when he was still courting you.

The key however is to not let him ever feel that he’s completely got you. You always want to hold a little something
back and be showing him new attractive sides to yourself over time which he has to continue pursuing you to
discover.

I am not saying that you should occasionally be cold and unresponsive to him, refuse him sex, or do things like
ignoring his calls/texts so that he asks you what’s wrong and stops taking you for granted. This sort of approach may
work for a short while in getting you more love and attention, but it will quickly make you appear needy and
insecure – which will lessen his attraction to you and weaken the relationship.

Instead, keep some secrets and hidden attractive sides to yourself which he can only discover when he is madly
pursuing you, as he did when he first met you. Slowly reveal them to him as reward for his efforts in trying to
seduce them out of you with his love! That is, you need to establish a clear stimulus-response connection in his mind
linking his love and attention to you with gaining greater access to who you are.

You also need to be constantly improving and developing yourself as a person so that you become a 2.0 and a 3.0
version of yourself over time rather than remaining exactly the same as you were five years ago. This will ensure
that he always has a reason to pursue you – to discover the new territory he sees.

Unfortunately though, a lot people (including men!) don’t grow over time and even regress into less mature forms of
themselves. This is unattractive and will cause one’s partner to become less attracted to them and give them less love
and attention than they once did.
20. Why won’t my man ever make me number one in his life?

A major complaint that some women have is that when they get into a relationship with a man they end up playing
second fiddle to other things in his life such as work, hobbies and friends. Sometimes it even feels like they have no
real importance to him and are just becoming part of the furniture.

So, why do men not treat their woman as their number one priority and put her first in their lives?

There are two parts to this answer which both revolve around the same theme – that men are very goal-oriented
creatures.

i. When a man achieves one goal he moves on to the next

The first part is pretty much the same as the answer to the question above: “Why has he stopping giving me all the
love and attention he did when we were dating?” (Chapter 19).

This is that when a man achieves a certain goal, such as winning the love of a great woman, he will then move on to
the next one (eg. making his first million or getting the big promotion). Men often lose sight of the fact that they
need to make their woman feel valued and special every day – not just until they’ve “got her”.

In their minds, men frequently make the mistake of assuming that a woman just knows that they love her and that
she’s special to them. Furthermore, they can fall into the trap of trying to demonstrate their love for her by pursuing
their other goals in life such as career and financial success.

They often don’t realize that although their woman will be happy that they achieve these other goals (especially if
they benefit her too), she is likely to feel much greater excitement about more direct expressions of their love for her
– such as being continually pursued and treated as special. I suggested ways of encouraging your man to do this in
the last chapter.

ii. A woman is not a man’s number one priority

The second part to the answer as to why men don’t make their woman number one in their lives and put her first
may hurt a bit. This is that she is not actually their number one priority.

Let me explain:

Men, as the hunter-gathers and warriors that they are, feel a far greater call to meeting their survival needs than they
do to pleasing the women in their lives. [Their desire to successfully meet these survival needs is also inextricably
linked to their desire for social status – especially as they get older, as we looked at in the introduction]

Survival needs such as putting food on the table and a roof over one’s head must take a greater priority because
without these things being taken care of nothing else matters. After all, it is pretty hard to have a good relationship if
you are either dead or totally destitute, isn’t it?

In response to this, you might question why men feel the need to put so much extra effort into career advancement
and making more money when they’re already bringing in more than what is sufficient to pay the bills. Why can’t
they just be happy with where they’re currently at and devote more time and attention to the one whom they claim
they love?

The problem with this is that the world is a dynamic rather than static place. Everything is changing and nothing
ever stays the same. And this has never been more true than today in the Information Age, with the ever-changing
technology.
What I’m saying is that it’s not (and never has been) an option to rest on one’s laurels. Men know that to continue
making the same money that they are today, they need to become better at what they do and keep pursuing their own
advancement. The world is extremely competitive and there are many others who are ready and waiting to knock
them off their perches if they relax for even a moment.

Furthermore, men are aware that they only have a certain window of time to enjoy success in their careers. They
have to make the most of the time they do have before they start to slow down with age and can’t keep up with the
required pace.

Basically, what it comes down to is a quest for freedom (which we’ve already discussed in this book). Men never
feel completely safe and secure in life until they come to a place of total freedom – which today largely means being
rich, as money can buy you just about anything you could want or need.

The difference for you as a woman is that your feeling of safety and security does not lie in career success and
riches to the same extent that it does for men. It is more about being in a committed relationship with a man who is
moving towards these things.

In addition to this, the underlying reason why you want him to keep showing you love and attention is that these
things indicate a high level of devotion to you – which in turn represents your feeling of safety and security (him
paying you less attention triggers your fears that he’s not as satisfied with you as he originally was, and may leave
you).

The reason why women look to men for safety and security is that the processes of childbearing and rearing are very
lengthy ones that require a woman to devote most of her attention to her children, preventing her from providing for
her own basic needs and adequately protecting herself (since she can’t leave the children). She therefore needs
someone else who will stick around and take care of both her and the kids during this very vulnerable time.

Some will dispute this though by saying that, as women, they don’t need any man to take care of them as they’re
already highly successful themselves in terms of career and finances. Also, there is the option of daycare, which
allows mothers with young children to work.

I would say to these people that while this may be true, it still doesn’t change your biological wiring as a woman.
Many thousands of years of conditioning have told every woman that being in a relationship with a strong and
successful man who can protect and provide for her means safety and security. Just because in the last ten years you
have built a great career for yourself, this is not going to change how your body is wired to give you your feelings of
safety and security.

But coming back to the man, since he doesn’t have anyone else to lean on, he has no option but to make success a
major priority (higher than his relationship). In fact, not only does he have no one to lean on, he potentially has a
number of dependants to provide for.

Rather than seeing a relationship as a mutual bond of love and devotion to one another, it could alternatively be
viewed as a partnership to work toward mutual goals. Built into each of us, male and female, is the strong desire to
reproduce ourselves, which is in effect an attempt to live forever – through our offspring.

Against this, some people will claim that they have no absolutely desire to bring children into the world, but such a
position still doesn’t negate what I’ve just said. This is because the mechanism for our desire to reproduce is sex. In
other words, just about everyone has a very strong desire to have sexual intercourse with another person who they’re
highly attracted to (which leads to reproduction) – even though they may or may not want children now or ever.

Viewed from this partnership perspective geared toward the goal of reproduction, the relationship is neither the
man’s nor the woman’s first priority. The other person is merely a partner who is helping them to reach their goal.
After all, once children do come along they will tend to dominate the attention of both parties – especially of the
mother. Everything will start to revolve around taking care of the kids.
The goal to reproduce is not only manifested in terms of children. Men will also often want to reproduce themselves
in metaphorical way, by making a significant contribution to the world and leaving a legacy through that. In this
light, such men view relationships not as the ultimate goal, but as a way to help them live out their purpose by doing
that which they were created for. They will look for a female partner who will either actively or passively support
them in this direction.

Another major focus that a lot of men have is their devotion to God. Men who are religious will likely have God as
their number one priority in their life and it will be impossible to knock Him off the top. Therefore God might be
number one, career might be number two and the relationship might be number three to them in terms of their
energy and focus – until the children come along and they claim number three spot.

Does this sound reasonable?

It may not, but I think that this is what you’re going to face in reality. Otherwise, for you to be number one he would
either have to either be an atheist or not take his faith seriously, he would have to cut his hours at work back
drastically to spend more time with you (forgoing a lot of income), and he would need to neglect the needs of the
children.

Does this sound realistic?

I don’t think so!

Stop trying to make yourself number one in a man’s life. Be content with second, third or fourth spot. No healthy
man would ever make a woman his number one priority. It is just not realistic to expect and she would probably hate
it if he actually did.

Let me ask you, would you really want a man to actually cut his hours at work back to only 20 hours so that he
could spend the extra hours with you – talking? It may be good for a few days, but after that I bet that you would
start going crazy and feel like telling him, “Stop hanging around here and go do something useful … or anything –
just leave me alone!”

Let’s face it, over the course of your life you’ve probably rejected most of the guys who tried to make you their
number one priority (creepy!!!) and instead gone for the guys who paid you much less attention, but who
approached life with a lot more purpose.

What I think you really want is a guy who will live an authentic life, earn success and make a contribution to the
world, but who will take regular time out to appreciate and celebrate you.

What should you expect from your man?

In view of all this, what should you expect from your man?

You should be a higher priority than his family (ie. parents and siblings), friends and hobbies. There would be a
huge problem in the relationship if for example he spent more time going out with his buddies than he did with you.

You should expect him to set aside focused, undivided time to spend with you, which nothing (other than an
emergency) is allowed to interrupt. An example of this would be having a weekly “date night” with him.

And thirdly, you should expect him to make a real effort to make you feel special from time to time, by doing the
little things that make the difference and help to build intimacy in the relationship – even if they don’t take a lot of
time.

For example, he could surprise you with a bunch of beautiful red roses occasionally if this is something which you
really like. Another would be doing something affectionate like taking the opportunity to hug or kiss you, especially
when you’re not expecting it.
21. What do men find attractive in a woman?

In order to attract men and keep them interested over the longer term, it is vital that you first know what men find
attractive in women. For if you don’t really understand what these things are, you’ll end up either stabbing in the
dark on your own, following blind guides (eg. well-meaning friends and family who tell you to "Just be yourself" or
“Act like you’re not interested and play hard to get”), or falling victim to those who have a vested interest in
misleading you (eg. the media who tell you that you need to be young, skinny, blond, have big breasts and perfect
skin for men to like you – in order to sell you their products and services).

There is absolutely no shame in admitting that you don’t know what men are looking for in a woman or that you’re
not completely sure, because in my experience as both a man and a dating coach it never ceases to amaze me how
lost so many women are on this subject. Furthermore, making such an admission is the first step to figuring men out
and achieving the success with them that you’re hoping for.

The truth is that if you’ve been trying to attract the right man for years and it hasn’t been working then there is
probably something wrong with either your approach or your mindset (but NOT you). And doing more of the same
is almost certainly not going to get you the kind of relationship that you desire.

However, I don’t want you to keep struggling along like this, growing more and more hopeless over time. You
deserve to be loved, adored and treasured by a great man, and I’m going to help you reach this place.

Therefore, let’s start at the beginning with what men are looking for in a woman and go from there.

To do this, we first need to address the issue of physical appearance:

Yes, men do have a general bias toward women who are classically good looking (eg. swimsuit models), but this is
not the huge factor that the media and pop culture make it out to be.

This is because what is physically attractive to men is very subjective and actually varies a lot between individual
men – much more than what you would probably think. Every man has his own particular preferences which won't
always coincide exactly with the types of women that Society puts up on a pedestal.

For example, I remember recently looking at a list of (supposedly) the 20 most attractive women in the world [This
was restricted to celebrities – which tells you something, doesn’t it!]. The funny thing was that out of these women,
there were only three or four that I really found attractive. Most of the others were okay and there were a few who I
wasn’t particularly attracted to at all.

It’s not that I am an extremely harsh judge of women, as I often notice women in my everyday life who stand out to
me in a big way. Furthermore, I don’t have any inherent bias against celebrities. I think it was more a case of my
preferences being different from those of the person who compiled the list.

A second reason why physical appearance is not the be all and end all of attraction is that looks are only high up on
a man’s wish list if he is just after a short-term sexual relationship (especially a one-night stand). But if he’s looking
for a real relationship (that could lead to marriage), other factors which we’re about to discuss are far, far more
important.

Having said this though, men will not go for women who they find very physically unattractive, unless they have no
other options.

This means that a woman needs to at least bring herself to a position of appearing decent looking to the type of man
she’s hoping to attract, which almost all women have the ability to do. It is about having pride in your appearance
and never letting yourself go.

For some great tips on looking your best, please grab your copy of the bonus report I’m offering with this book,
called “How Men Evaluate Women: The Honest Truth From a Dating Coach Who Asked”:

http://attractmeneasily.com/how-men-evaluate-women-hmt/

Furthermore, it may actually surprise you that you’ll probably have more options in terms of men if you are not
extremely physically attractive. This is because most men are intimidated by women who they find very attractive
physically, due to not feeling worthy enough (Yes, men have self-esteem issues too!). They struggle to pluck up the
courage to approach them and ask them out, and often they can’t even act normal around them. I can put up my hand
and say that I’ve been guilty of these things in the past.

Given what I’ve said, therefore, I don’t want you to be preoccupied with your looks. Nor do I want you to attribute
any lack of relationship success that you might currently be experiencing to men being impossibly shallow (I can
quite confidently tell you that they’re not).

However, you may well be thinking, “yeah, yeah, yeah, … but I still want to know what men generally find
physically attractive in a woman – can you give me anything on this?”

Okay, well to answer this question I would have to say that men prefer someone who is curvy rather than skinny
(despite common belief, men don’t generally find bony catwalk models attractive), who has long hair, breasts that
are decent-sized (but not too big!), and whose physical features are symmetrical and in proportion to each other.

Other preferences over factors like height and hair color vary too much between different men to make any general
rules about. For example, I prefer tall brunettes, while there are a lot of other guys who will have a thing for short
blonde women.

It is vital though that you don’t beat yourself up if you haven’t got “the” ideal body type (few women do). And don’t
disqualify yourself if you’re getting older and starting to show it.

There are other factors which are far more important than just looks and if you get these right you shouldn’t have
too much trouble attracting a great man for a loving long-term relationship – as long as you’re getting out there and
meeting eligible men (those who are single and your type).

It is absolutely imperative that you recognize the difference between physical attractiveness and overall
attractiveness. Physical attractiveness refers to how sexually attractive your body is to a man and overall
attractiveness relates to how sexually desirable you are to him in total (of which physical attractiveness is a
component).

What most women fail to realize is that you don’t need to be seen as above average in terms of your physical
attractiveness (ie. looks) for a man to view you as highly desirable overall. And it is even more the case that your
attractiveness as a potential relationship partner doesn’t depend that much on you having good looks.

To give yourself your best chance of winning the love of the man of your dreams you will need to fully grasp these
key facts that I’ve just shared with you. Please don’t just skim over these things and move on to the “good stuff”.

But even if you’re not yet fully convinced, I ask that you at least suspend judgment for the moment, keep an open
mind and give what I’m about to suggest an honest try.

Your other options are that you can reject what I’m saying, keep doing what you’re doing and you’ll probably keep
getting the same results that you have been getting.

Alternatively, you can take the advice of other authors who teach that you need to become a self-centered bitch who
treats men disrespectfully. But I think you would find that the only guys you’ll attract through this sort of approach
are those who are highly insecure, not very masculine and/or have mother issues. Other men would tell you to take a
hike (or simply not call you back) if you treated them like this – me included.
Okay, if you’re prepared to try my approach, please read on. In the rest of this chapter I am going to briefly cover
what I consider to be the three biggest things men are looking for in a woman (in no particular order).

If you would like to discover the other most attractive qualities, please refer to my book, What Men Want – in which
I cover the top ten qualities, all in far more detail than I do here.

i. High Self-esteem

High self-esteem (but not arrogance) is a quality that is extremely, extremely attractive to the best men. They love to
be around women who like, accept and appreciate themselves, despite any personal flaws that they may have. This is
what having high self-esteem means.

People who genuinely like themselves are secure individuals who are rarely self-critical or self-conscious. They
hold healthy views of themselves which are not spoiled by their negative sides or what others say about them.

Furthermore, they don’t have to put others down and/or make them wrong to feel good about themselves (as they
already do). Instead, they help to build up those around them by being a positive influence in the lives of others. And
when others make mistakes and fall down, their philosophy is usually: “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say
anything at all.”

But people who don’t like themselves are always insecure and often feel the need to put themselves down,
sometimes around those who are close to them (eg. “I look fat in these pants, don’t I?”)

In addition to this, some of them like to put others down and make them wrong in order to raise themselves up (in
both their own eyes and those of others). They tend to complain a lot, be fault-finders and are often very critical and
judgmental of others – but usually not in a constructive way.

This judgmental attitude toward others can often take the form of labeling, in extremely unflattering ways. For
instance, in the areas of dating and relationships, women with very low self-esteem will often casually throw around
terms like “creep”, “jerk” and “loser” to describe men who they either are not attracted to or don’t feel that they can
have.

To give a few examples, some women will describe the shy guy in the corner who keeps looking at them as a
“creep”. The guy who doesn’t call them back is a “jerk” and the undesirable man who approaches them is referred to
as a “loser”.

To be honest, women like these can be extremely draining to be around as they are generally negative people, who
can be prone to emotional outbursts and abuse.

For instance, when such a woman is having a bad day and can’t find anyone else to put down, blame or be angry at,
it will invariably be her man who ends up in the firing line. She will zero in on some minor wrong such as him being
two minutes late to pick her up, or on a comment she misinterprets as being a slight on her.

Let me tell you, men are afraid of a woman’s emotional outbursts, especially when these take the form of anger.
This is partly because they don’t know how to react to such outbursts. Should they respond in kind, just stand there
and take the full force of them, attempt to defend themselves, try to convince her to calm down, hug her, make light
of the situation (eg. “You’re cute when you get angry”), apologize, or run away until she has calmed down?

To most men it is totally unclear how they’re supposed to react in such as situation. And it can seem like there’s no
right way to react – they’re damned if they do and damned if they don’t.

Men are also afraid of a woman’s emotional outbursts because they undermine their feeling of masculinity. When a
woman is angry at them she effectively withdraws the four key things that they want from her: her approval, her
respect/admiration for them, her trust in them, and her appreciation of them. At such a moment a woman suddenly
loses all her beauty (both physical and otherwise) and turns into the ugly and vile Wicked Witch of the West.

This does not mean that she can’t or won’t appear beautiful to them again, but episodes like this can be very
harrowing experiencing for men and they usually want to avoid them at all costs.

Consequently, they will avoid getting into a relationship (or staying in a relationship) with a woman who exhibits
signs of low self-esteem and the tendency to explode in emotional outbursts.

High self-esteem women though are much more emotionally stable, and have far more mature ways of handling
conflict. Besides, most of the time they are happy individuals who are fun and uplifting to be around – which is the
way men like them.

Men feel much safer around these women as it is less likely that they’ll come under attack from them. The other
thing is that high self-esteem is contagious and a man will feel much better about himself when he is in a
relationship with such a woman.

There is also one other major issue arising from low self-esteem which I have not yet mentioned. This is that low
self-esteem is usually accompanied by lack of empathy for others. That is, if you don’t really like yourself, you
don’t generally have that much concern for the welfare of others either. They effectively just become the means to
ends for you.

Along these lines, what I’ve found is that the lower a person’s self-esteem, the more likely they are to treat others
(including those they’re close to) in inconsiderate and disrespectful ways. Obviously, such a person is not going be
seen as a desirable long-term relationship partner by healthy individuals who expect to be treated well.

Self-love (ie. high self-esteem) is therefore very important in order for you to genuinely love and be loved by other
human beings, especially in the context of a romantic relationship.

I therefore suggest that you work very hard at becoming a woman who has high self-esteem. It will make you stand
out like a beacon to men and they’ll approach you, ask you out, want to keep seeing you, and in due course commit
to you fully.

It all really starts with making a few key decisions. These are to accept and appreciate yourself the way you are, let
go of unrealistic expectations that you place on yourself (eg. to look like a 23 year-old supermodel), focus on your
best qualities rather than your worst ones, refuse to compare yourself with others, and work constantly at improving
yourself in certain key areas of your life (eg. health and fitness, social skills, career, your relationship to God).

Another very important decision that you need to make is to live a life of truth, in harmony with your beliefs and
values, while fully respecting other people at the same time.

In short, you need to do the right thing in every situation, even if it is unpopular and will cost you. But believe me,
the cost will be far greater if you don’t – especially to your self-esteem!

ii. Confidence

Confidence is another extremely attractive quality to men, which tends to accompany high self-esteem.

When you’re self-confident, you believe that life is ultimately going to work out for you despite all the challenges
you face, and also that others are going to react positively to you.

This means that you have few worries and concerns, and are not shy or awkward around others. You feel free to
boldly and courageously step out into the world, be the person who you truly are, and put your best foot forward.

In addition to this, you are prepared to take responsibility for your mistakes and all the negative situations you find
yourself in, rather than blame other people and circumstances for these things.
Furthermore, the few people who do actually criticize and reject you don’t cause you to lose any sleep. You realize
that in order to be successful in life, criticism and rejection are part of the package and you accept this fact.

The thing about confidence in a woman (or anyone) is that it is often a very reliable indicator of self-esteem (which
as I’ve just mentioned is a big turn-on for men) when you first meet someone. This is important because you
normally can’t accurately determine a person’s level of self-esteem until you get to know them well.

Confidence is also very attractive in its own right as it tells a man that you’re not going to be a deadweight around
his waist that he has to carry through life (if he gets involved with you). It leads him to believe that you can pull
your own weight by being able to successfully navigate your own way through life without him being around.
Therefore, you won’t stifle him if the two of you get together.

Remember the high value that men tend to place on freedom. If you signal to him that you are no threat to either his
current level of freedom or his quest for even greater freedom, he is so much more likely to become attracted to you
and eventually commit. Conveying confidence to a man is one very important way that you can neutralize the threat
he feels to his freedom by having a woman in his life.

Confident women tend to quickly get the attention of men, because of both the positive energy they exude (eg. they
hold their head up high, have a slight smile on their face as their neutral expression, and walk with a spring in their
step) and the fact that they engage with men more.

In terms of engaging with men, confident women are not afraid to be around men, interact with them (even start
conversations with them), and show signs of interest to the ones they’re attracted to (especially by making eye
contact with them and smiling warmly).

Contrast this with many other women who seem to prefer to stay away from men, avoid unnecessary interactions
with them, and hide any signs that they’re attracted to those they are.

As I write this, I remember back to last night at my gym. I was on my own upstairs in the area dedicated to
stretching, Swiss ball and medicine ball exercises. As I was doing my stretching exercises after a full-on leg workout
in the weights area, a girl came in to also do some stretching. She proceeded to walk right past me and take the
second-farthest exercise mat from me (about four away from me)!

I had never seen her before in my life, I hardly even looked at her when she came in (I certainly didn’t do anything
to “creep her out”), and I would consider myself a decent looking and friendly guy.

There was no reason for her to take the far mat other than that she must have been uncomfortable around men she
doesn’t know and/or she wanted to make absolutely sure that she didn’t give any impression that she was interested
in me – to the point of treating me like a leper!

Unfortunately though, this is not an isolated incident (for me and a lot of other guys). In my experience, most
women will do just about anything to avoid making what could be perceived as a move towards a man – unless they
have a very good excuse, such as approaching a store clerk to ask for information about a product.

But to men, this comes across as a combination of disinterest and lack of confidence. They’re likely to assume that
such a woman doesn’t want to interact with them and that she’s not a very confident person generally – both of
which are unattractive to a guy. After all, why would a guy go over and approach a woman who is doing her best to
convey disinterest?

I am not saying that you should flirt with any and every man you come across, the moment you set eyes on him –
which would be a bad idea as you would attract a lot of unwanted attention. But you need to be comfortable
interacting with men as you would with any other human being you cross paths with – in a respectful and friendly
manner. This gives you the opportunity to meet the men you’re interested in (or could become interested in when
you do meet them) and take things further with them. Few men are going to make an effort to say “hi” if you don’t
at least seem friendly and open.
It is of course a lot more attractive to a man (and easy for him to approach) if a woman indicates her initial interest
in him first (eg. by smiling at him), as it shows that she has confidence and is someone who is fun to be around.

Furthermore, men like women who like them. Remember that one of the four things men most want from a woman
is approval. And this is also actually the first thing men look to get from a woman.

What most women don’t realize is that their approval is an intoxicating drug to men. If you give a guy a bit of this
upfront, there is every chance that he will be hopelessly drawn in – even if you’re only average looking and he
wasn’t attracted to you initially.

But sadly, very few women will let a man know when they’re interested in him (before he’s made a move). And
most of those who will let him know, usually do so in ways that are far too subtle for the guy to detect and much too
ambiguous; for example, very quick eye movements and/or minor adjustments to their body language.

Seriously, this is almost always a complete waste of time. Ninety-nine times out of a hundred a guy will either
completely miss the sign or be unsure of its meaning – even though you probably think you’re being totally obvious.
But it would only ever be completely obvious to another woman.

Remember that guys don’t know “girl code” and therefore will miss the messages that you try to convey to them
unless you speak their language to them.

What they can recognize and understand is prolonged eye contact (which only needs to last 2-3 seconds) and a warm
smile. Even then, there is still some room for ambiguity (eg. you might just be a friendly and happy person who
likes other people), but you can’t really do much more than that as a woman. It is the guy’s job to approach and
make the play if he wants you. You have done your best to appear confident and open to him – which is likely draw
in a lot of great guys.

However, only a small percentage of women interact with men with this sort of confidence. And these are the ones
who have their pick of men – regardless of whether they’re especially good looking or not.

They never need to face the situation of being desperate and dateless because there is never any shortage of men for
them. In fact, they probably have too many options to choose from because they make the “mistake” of smiling at
too many men during their day.

This is the type of woman that you need to become if you hope to have predictable success with men. But don’t be
discouraged if you think you’re too shy to become confident around men and flirt with them. If you’re prepared to
put in some effort and step out of your comfort zone a bit, there is no reason why you can’t get there (and very
quickly!!!).

Take the example of Aida who has had the following experience:

hi James! thank you very much. i have read your 3 books so quickly. and already started to work on my personality and apply some technics:)))
i am already seeing results.
it is like magic. suddenly, i am just being noticed by men.
and i feel that it is me choosing them:)))
i can't beleive.
but it is amazing.
something just happened. they are just steering and smiling as if they saw...i don't know something incredible and amazng. while i still look same
as i were during last 3 years.
OMG!!!

Please take Aida’s lead by trying the stuff I’m suggesting. I think you’ll see a big turnaround in how men act toward
you, just as she did.

And if you would like general some tips on how to become more confident, I have some key ideas below:
a. Improve your self-esteem

As I’ve already indicated, self-esteem and confidence are quite highly related. When you have high self-esteem you
will tend to also be very self-confident. The converse is true as well: when your self-esteem is low, so will your level
of confidence be.

What this means is that if you take steps to improve your self-esteem such as I described at the end of the last
section, it will also pay off in terms of higher self-confidence.

b. Step out of your comfort zone on a regular basis

While your level of self-esteem has a big influence on how confident a person you are, it is by no means the only
thing that does.

You also need to step out of you comfort zone on a regular basis, try new things and face your fears in life – which
all of us have, to either a lesser or greater extent. You can’t be a confident person and at the same time run away
from the things that you’re afraid of.

Being confident means that fear has no mastery over you (although you’ll still feel it from time to time). You make
decisions based on what the right thing to do is, rather than just what is easy and feels good. You trust that by doing
the right thing everything will ultimately work out for you in the end.

Furthermore, when you feel fear you will often make a detour in life and intentionally move toward that fear – to get
rid of it forever (moving toward a fear causes it to dissolve over time). I did this by going to Toastmasters and facing
my fear of public speaking, which I knew would eventually hold me back in life if I didn’t do anything about it.

Bringing this back to the topic of dating and relationship success with men, you might have a fear of displaying your
interest to men who you are attracted to (eg. by making eye contact with them and smiling – which I keep teaching
women to do) in order to get them to approach you.

However, if you refuse to overcome such a fear, I can promise you that it is very unlikely that you’ll ever have any
real choice with men – unless you have some natural advantage such as good looks to draw them in with. Any
success you have with them will most likely be sporadic and unpredictable. And it will always be a case of you
waiting for them to choose you rather than you proactively choosing them.

Therefore chase after fears such as this, kill them, and become a confident woman who men find attractive and want
to be in a relationship with.

c. Take care of yourself – especially your body and physical needs

Finally, you must take care of yourself, especially in regard to your body and physical needs. Eat healthy foods,
exercise, and make sure that you get enough rest and relaxation.

Work also at getting rid of any harmful addictions you have, such as to alcohol, smoking and overeating.

You can’t feel your highest level of confidence if you allow your body to become run down or you’re enslaved to
anything.

iii. Femininity

Last, but certainly not least, we have the quality of femininity. In my opinion, this is the single most important
quality that men are looking for in a woman, bar none – not even physical beauty.
One or two women have criticized me for teaching this in my previous books. Their complaint has been that every
woman already knows that she has to be feminine to attract men and therefore this is nothing new.

My response to this is that while women may be aware of their need to be feminine, most in the West (especially
North America!) don’t appear to know in a practical way how to actually be feminine, as they clearly aren’t
demonstrating a whole lot of it.

The prevailing view seems to be that a woman is feminine if she presents herself as being physically attractive.
Therefore what she needs to do is either make herself look like a model, or flaunt herself with skimpy outfits (which
leave little to the imagination), in order to be seen as desirable by men.

Unfortunately, this view is horribly mistaken and is responsible for many millions of women around the world
having negative perceptions of themselves (and therefore low self-esteem).

These negative perceptions and low self-esteem then become a self-fulfilling prophecy in that when a woman thinks
that men are not going to find her attractive, men typically don’t find her attractive – since self-esteem is an
important ingredient in overall female attractiveness (as we discussed above).

So if femininity is not just about looking good, what is it then?

Femininity is an energy and way of operating in the world that distinguishes a person from someone else who moves
in the opposite, masculine energy.

The reason why I didn’t identify femininity with women and masculinity with men is that these two polar opposite
energies are non-gender specific. In fact, every one of us has both feminine and masculine sides to us.

The gender aspects of femininity and masculinity are that femininity is normally associated with women and
masculinity with men. This is because it is natural for women to operate much more in their feminine energy than
what men do, and for men to operate more in their masculine.

However, we have all come across very masculine women and very feminine men at some point in our lives. And
before you read on, I would like you to first think about these people you’ve either met, crossed paths with, or seen
on television etc, and try to identify what made them different from the norm.

I think you’ll find that the masculine women had elements of the following: boldness, directness, forthrightness,
aggressiveness, dominance, opinionated, decisiveness, naturally assumes leadership, action-oriented and driven
toward success, but not very emotionally expressive (eg. they probably didn’t smile as much as other more feminine
women).

On the other hand, the feminine men probably had a lot of the following characteristics:

Gentleness, softness, kindness, empathy, sweetness, emotionally expressive (eg. smiling very frequently – especially
big, beaming smiles), a great listener, more comfortable following than leading, caring about everyone being happy
and getting along, motivated more by relationships than achieving goals, tends to beat around the bush rather than
say what they really think.

What is important to realize though is that I haven’t just described the masculine woman and the feminine man. I
have actually just laid out masculinity and femininity in general.

Masculinity is basically an energy that is focused on action – directed toward achieving goals. It is a warrior
mentality that causes a person to see what they want, take the initiative of moving toward it, and be determined to let
nothing get in the way of achieving the desired goal.

A large part of the way the masculine moves toward success is also through recruiting others to one’s cause and
leading them. Relationships (defined in the broad sense, not just romantic ones) have value only as being means to
ends – what they contribute to the cause.

To the masculine, head dominates heart and emotion has little part to play – at least until the goal is achieved. There
might however be outbursts of anger and frustration if things are not going well or someone on the team is not
playing their part and is letting everyone down.

One picture of the archetypal masculine man is the business executive who sets out to crush the competition and
dominate their market. Another is the sports coach who works tirelessly, leaving no stone unturned in the quest to
win the championship.

In contrast, femininity is a far more soft, heart-centered, relationship-oriented passive yet expressive energy, that
naturally nurtures others and supports them. It loves to be in the moment and takes every opportunity to have fun.
Whereas masculinity is about doing, femininity is about being.

When I refer to “being”, I mean operating in a state of purposelessness such as being playful with others, enjoying
the natural environment, and smiling because of the sheer joy of being alive.

To the feminine, competing is a very foreign concept. But it loves to support the masculine in its battles and
celebrate victory with it when this is won. The feminine is right at home in the position of following, but doesn’t like
to lead or make decisions.

The encapsulation of femininity is the playful (and occasionally mischievous) little girl who always has a smile on
her face, and loves nothing more than to run and jump on her father’s knee and get a great big hug from him.

As a woman looking to attract men, this is the side of yourself that you need to predominantly display. Although the
form your femininity takes will be more mature than the little girl, she expresses the essence of what mature
masculine men are after in a girlfriend and wife.

Men don’t want to be around the hard-nosed female executive. When you are at work, you are predominantly
operating in your masculine energy. You need to leave that side of yourself at the office when you come home at the
end of the day.

What is very important in being a feminine woman is that you allow men to lead and follow them willingly. As in a
partner dance such as Salsa, there needs to be one leader and one follower. It just doesn’t work if there are either two
leaders or two followers.

I want you to be clear though that in no way am I saying that you should be subservient to a man, in the sense of
following his orders or being a slave to him. Nor am I suggesting that you occupy any position of inferiority. That’s
not where I’m coming from.

What I am really saying is that for the most part you let him serve you (since a very important aspect of femininity is
receiving from the masculine – which I didn’t mention above). He is the one who does the work to create/organize a
great or beneficial experience for you. What he asks you to do is to take his hand when he offers it to you and let
him lead you to the good things he’s prepared for you.

Take the example of a date. A man might ring a woman up and offer her the chance to accompany him to a
restaurant and then some movie. She will either accept his invitation and go with him or she’ll turn him down. But it
is very unlikely that she’ll accept and then insist on an equal share of organizing the details.

Most people expect that this is how the beginning of a romantic relationship will play out. But they also assume that
the situation will move more towards a 50-50 decision-making arrangement over time if the relationship continues –
which is not good for the purposes of maintaining mutual attraction.

What is even worse is that some men in their effort to get and keep a woman’s approval feel that the way to do this
is to abdicate their masculine responsibility by letting her (or forcing her to) make all the decisions and pandering to
her every whim. A fear of making a mistake and annoying her (eg. taking her to a restaurant that she doesn’t like)
will also contribute to this scenario.

Sadly though, either of these two scenarios (ie. 50-50 or the woman makes all the decisions) ruins the natural
masculine-feminine polarity between men and women.

Masculine-feminine polarity is achieved when a highly masculine man is in the presence of a very feminine woman.
A natural chemistry occurs that can often override a whole raft of normally important considerations such as body
type preferences in a partner, personality, and overall compatibility.

This chemistry created from masculine-feminine polarity is what causes attraction between a man and a woman. The
more polarity, the more attraction that is usually going to be present – since opposites attract.

Achieving masculine-feminine polarity with a man is therefore the most important thing that you need to do to
attract him and keep him attracted. This is far more important than just possessing good looks, although being good
looking will normally not hurt.

However, in this day and age the Feminist Movement has convinced women that they should strive toward equality
with men in every respect. And because of this, a battle of the sexes has been declared.

While I can see no issue with things like equal pay for an equal job done, there are two major problems with this
battle for equality:

Firstly, the ultimate goal of total equality with men (which in practice is virtually impossible to reach due to intrinsic
physiological and psychological differences between men and women eg. men are physically stronger and less
emotional, and only women can bear children) eliminates the possibility of masculine-feminine polarity. If there
were no differences between men and women, how could attraction occur? Just having complementary sexual
organs is not enough.

Secondly, this battle mentality has turned women into more masculine creatures. They will still be attracted to
highly masculine men (unless they crossover to being predominantly masculine overall – in which case they’ll
become more attracted to feminine men), but masculine men will not be so attracted to them compared to more
feminine women. This is because, all other things being equal, a person will be attracted to someone else on the
masculine-feminine spectrum who is most different to them.

Furthermore, if a fairly masculine woman does actually manage to attract a highly masculine man (which is most
likely to happen if he finds her very physically attractive), her unconscious goal (associated with the Feminist ideal
of equality) will be to feminize him to the degree that the relationship is equal in every respect.

The sad thing is that as a woman wears a man down and he becomes more feminine, the level of attraction that both
the man and women feel for each other reduces – since they are becoming less polarized and more similar to each
other in their sexual energy.

This is a major reason (but definitely not the only one) why so many marriages fizzle out and effectively revert to a
situation of two roommates who have a common interest in raising children and running a house efficiently. The
spark in the relationship disappears and as a result sex becomes far less frequent.

Many other people decide to end their relationships because they no longer feel “in love” with each other anymore.

This underscores the importance in letting go of the Feminist ideal of equality in your romantic relationships, not
entering into the battle of the sexes (which you will lose even if you “win”), and instead partnering with men by
being feminine and allowing them to be masculine.

What you’ll find is that although you probably won’t be “in control” and making all of the decisions, men will be
highly attracted to you and want to serve and protect you. Through operating in their masculine power, they will
continually work to further your best interests (and theirs as well, of course; but in a healthy relationship what is
good for them will normally be good for you too).

Sure, some guys will try to take advantage of you, but the easy way of dealing with them is to end the relationship
when any such issues arise. You don’t need to put up with any kind abuse of power, such as them trying to force you
to do things you don’t want to do or acting against your best interests to benefit themselves at your expense.

As a feminine woman, you always have the decision to take a man’s hand when he offers it to you, or to refuse it.
And this is just as true 20 years into a marriage as it is when a guy asks you out for the first time.

What men desire so much though is for you to choose to surrender yourself to them. Not surrender in the sense of
being defeated in a battle and having no choice other than to beg for mercy, but willingly offering every part of
yourself to a man who you deem worthy enough to be vulnerable to. [However, in practice you don’t want to
literally give him access to absolutely everything, otherwise he might start to lose interest in you over time.]

The feminine power of surrender is extremely beautiful and will melt just about any (masculine) man’s heart. It
gives him the approval and trust that he longs for. And when he justifies this approval and trust by taking care of you
well, you’ll naturally give him the respect/admiration and appreciation that he also craves.

At this point he’ll have the four things that he most desires from you as a woman and will consequently feel great
about himself as a man. He’ll also be motivated to keep doing a good job at making you happy so that you continue
to make the decision to surrender to him and keep giving him everything he wants from you.

Surrender is therefore not weakness, it is an essential part your power as a woman. Gaining the willing surrender of
an amazing feminine woman is the ultimate goal for a man in his love life.

However, it is vital that you don’t misunderstand me here. Femininity is not just about surrendering to a man. There
are actually many other elements to it (eg. gentleness, sweetness, being nurturing, expressive, playful and fun), some
of which I mentioned earlier in this section.

These other elements of femininity are a large part of the reason why he actually desires your surrender in the first
place. After all, he wouldn’t be interested in your surrender if you were bitter, vile, and absolutely hated anyone
having fun, would he?

The easiest way to convey your femininity to a man initially is to smile at him warmly and sincerely when he makes
eye contact with you. This will immediately get his attention and give you every chance to make him desire your
surrender, whether you’re a supermodel or just an ordinary everyday woman.

Therefore, never underestimate the power of your femininity and make every effort to enhance it. This could well be
the difference between being lonely for the rest of your life and being with the man of your dreams forever. Equally,
it could also be the difference between having to settle for Mr. Average and riding off into the sunset with Mr.
Amazing.
22. Why do men go for “bitches” rather than “nice girls”?

Some women complain that they’re friendly, thoughtful and extremely nice to men, yet time and time again they get
passed over for other women who are rude and treat men with disrespect.

So why is this? That is, why do men tend to go for “bitches” rather than “nice girls”?

i. Unhealthy men choose unhealthy women

On some level, the majority of people (both men and women) are unhealthy from a psychological standpoint: they
are running around with a lot of inner hurts and pains from life that they haven’t fully dealt with. As a result, they’ve
developed low self-esteem which causes them to continually act in toxic and self-defeating ways.

The other piece of the puzzle is that people tend to be attracted to those who are in a similar place emotionally to
themselves. In other words, hurt people tend to gravitate toward other hurt people and to pain in general.

Reasons for this are that they are addicted to pain and drama, they are unconsciously trying to resolve their past hurt
and pain by working through it in the present (eg. a woman who had an abusive father may be attracted to abusive
men in an attempt to resolve the broken relationship she had with her dad – by proxy), and they don’t think that a
healthy person would be attracted to them.

What this means is that if you’re a healthy woman who by and large has got her act together, the majority of men
will pass you over because they’re messed up – not because there is anything wrong with you. Be thankful about
that – it is saving you a lot of trouble in the long run.

There is every chance however that you will appear very attractive to the few men who are healthy psychologically,
who have got their act together too.

ii. Bitches are more of a challenge

As I’ve just indicated, you shouldn’t be worried about being passed over by unhealthy men.

However, at the same time you don’t want to make the mistake of being too nice – which “nice girls” (including
many of my readers) often do. There is very little challenge factor with them and their approval is too easy to win –
which makes it seem less valuable.

Men are hunters and need a challenge to get excited. There must be something to chase, along with a bit of
uncertainty and drama. But with a “nice girl” there often is nothing to chase and therefore very early on the man
feels that he has her in the bag.

This very quickly becomes boring and consequently he loses interest and diverts his attention to other more
challenging women.

A few nights ago, I was at a bar and met a nice woman there who was obviously single. She was decent looking
from a physical perspective, very friendly and nice, she smiled a lot, and she was very open and approachable. In
other words, she seemed to doing everything right to attract great men.

However, for some reason which I couldn’t initially put my finger on I just didn’t feel anything for her. This puzzled
me for a while until I finally realized what the problem was.

The issue was that she conveyed absolutely no challenge. The vibe I immediately got was one of: “I’m ready and
available if and whenever you want me – just say so.” Instead of assessing and qualifying me (which is essential to
do to a man), she appeared to be trying to impress me.

She made me feel a long way above her and therefore it was difficult for me to be attracted to her in “that way”.

I also watched her relate to other men who talked to her that night and she seemed to act the same toward to them as
she did to me. Maybe she was just after anything she could get – I’m not sure.

“Bitches” however challenge men by being rude, disrespectful and often difficult to manage. This can sometimes
give men the chase and excitement that they’re looking for – as long as these things are mixed in with enough
approval to keep them interested.

For healthy men though, all this drama will eventually turn from being exciting to downright annoying, and they’ll
lose interest in such women.

In light of these facts, the best approach is to be a challenge without being rude and disrespectful. In other words,
take the positive elements of the “bitch” (eg. the challenge) and leave behind the negative elements (eg. rude and
disrespectful behavior).

The way to do this is by being friendly and respectful to men, showing them interest, but at the same time not giving
them all your approval upfront – qualify them and make them work to win you over.

A great way to qualify a man when you first meet him is to ask him questions about himself, especially his lifestyle
and interests (eg. “What do you like doing in your spare time?”). Men will normally respond by trying to impress
you with what an interesting and fun person they are – which means that they’re the one who is selling themselves.

But absolutely never try to seek their approval or impress them. Maintain the frame of a buyer who is interested, but
not yet sold. Definitely do not move into the role of being the seller (ie. the one who pursues), for this is when a man
knows that he has you and the challenge ends.

For example, when you first meet a man don’t allow yourself to answer too many questions about yourself,
otherwise you will fall into the trap of trying to sell yourself to him by coming up with impressive replies. Instead,
fire a lot of questions back to him as I’ve just suggested.

Furthermore, once you start going out with a man, don’t do nice things in order to impress him like baking him
cakes and cooking nice dinners for him until he has proven himself to you, won you over, and at least committed to
an exclusive dating relationship with you.

It should also go without saying that you should never sleep with a man in an attempt to get him to like you – a
mistake that many, many women make. Sex will never be the clincher for a man, but it can cause him to lose interest
– especially if it comes from a needy place.

iii. Flirting and being a challenge can be mistaken for being a bitch

Often the reason why “bitches” always appear to get the guy over the “nice girl” is that the “bitches” aren’t really
bitches at all.

What makes them come across as “bitches” is that their apparent rudeness and being difficult to men is really just a
form of flirting and being a challenge – which men get energized by, as I’ve just mentioned above.

Essentially it is a form of play, very similar to how guys routinely trade insults with one another as a form of
endearment and a sign that the person insulted is accepted in the group. While it is implicitly understood on a logical
level that these insults are not truly meant, at an emotional level they often still bite a bit – which gives them a
certain challenge factor.
When a woman uses such an approach on men there is also an element of testing going on (which adds greatly to the
challenge factor). A man’s emotional resilience (and therefore part of his masculinity) is tested when a woman tries
to push some of his buttons. He passes the test if he doesn’t react and let it affect him emotionally.

From an outside observer perspective, it may appear that this woman is genuinely being a “bitch” when in actual
fact she might be a really lovely lady who is more than prepared to do the nice things for her man at the right time.
Alternatively, she could just naturally have a sassy personality, which some men really like.

But the point is that regardless of the particular circumstances, it is clear to the man that her apparent disrespect and
being difficult is actually just good-natured banter and a form of endearment to him.

Therefore, don’t rush to the conclusion that she’s a “bitch” and that he’s chosen her because she’s a “bitch” just
because she acts a certain way. Look a bit closer as you could be very mistaken!
23. Does he find me sexually attractive?

To answer this question, I first need to draw the distinction between physical attractiveness and overall
attractiveness, which I introduced earlier.

Physical attractiveness refers to how sexually desirable you are to a man based solely on your physical appearance
(ie. your body and what you look like), while overall attractiveness relates to how sexually desirable you are to him
in total across all the categories that he’s interested in regarding a woman.

That is, physical attractiveness is a component of overall attractiveness – which also includes other important
qualities such as self-esteem, confidence and femininity [I cover the 10 main qualities in my book, What Men
Want].

It is therefore extremely important to understand that men are assessing you on many other categories than just your
physical appearance. In fact, it is possible for you to appear highly sexually attractive to a man even if from a
physical perspective you are very average (or worse).

The opposite is also somewhat true: if you’re very good looking physically but are extremely needy and insecure,
this will greatly limit his ability to desire you for more than just your body. A serious relationship will more than
likely be completely out of the question once he realizes what you’re really like on the inside.

The implications of this are that if you hope to be regarded as sexually attractive and highly desirable as a
relationship partner, you must devote a reasonable amount of time to improving each of the keys areas.

Unfortunately, most women focus 90+ percent of their time and effort on the thing that is the hardest to change
(their physical appearance), while neglecting all the other areas which they could easily make much far bigger gains
in (eg. their self-esteem, self-confidence, and how feminine they are).

Okay, now that I’ve laid out the framework for my answer to the original question, “Does he find me attractive?”,
we will return to that question:

The short answer is probably, since men tend to feel sexually attracted to the majority of women of reproductive
age, to at least some degree.

But the more relevant question is, “how attractive does a man find me?” This will determine whether he is interested
in a proper relationship with you or not.

Basically, there are six categories of sexual attractiveness to a man:

1. Little or no sexual interest in the woman and therefore no possibility of a relationship

2. Could be interested in her sexually, depending on how he’s feeling on the day (but would definitely not
consider her for a relationship unless he is completely desperate)

3. Interested in her sexually, but probably not enough to consider her for a relationship unless he has no better
options

4. Highly interested in her sexually and would consider a relationship with her

5. She’s quite hot and would definitely be interested in a relationship with her

6. Mega babe and a relationship with her would be a complete no-brainer

[NB. When I refer to “relationship” here, I am meaning at least a boyfriend/girlfriend situation. Furthermore, any
interest in such a relationship is on the proviso that there is no personality clash between the man and woman that
would prevent them getting together (and staying together).]

Looking at these categories, in only one case (category 1) is the woman considered completely undesirable sexually
(which would account for only a small percentage of women of reproductive age).

While it is very unlikely that a woman who is highly physically attractive (to most men) would end up in this group,
the reason that a woman actually does end up here is not usually due to her lack of good looks. More often, there are
other more significant factors such as lack of self-esteem and confidence which come into play – which all women
have a high degree of control over. Men are forced to place a woman in this category when they detect high levels of
neediness, insecurity and desperation in her, and especially when they feel that she has rejected herself.

In all the other categories a woman has some degree of sexual attractiveness – especially in categories 3-6 where
probably up to 70% of women would fit for any given guy (remember that this is all subjective – a woman will be
placed in different categories by different guys, but there is not likely to be a huge amount of variance – maybe plus
or minus 2 categories at the most).

However, categories five and six are where you need to be to have real options with great guys. This is because the
best ones only go for the women they are most attracted to and won’t tend to waste time approaching and dating
women they don’t find hot (from a holistic perspective, not just physically).

When an amazing guy who is single places you in one of these two categories he will likely go after you hard (if you
give him a chance to meet and get to know you) and won’t be deterred unless you show him either no interest or
active disinterest.

Very few women however fit into these categories; most find themselves placed in categories 3 and 4 which in
terms of relationship desirability is no more than a maybe – after careful consideration. In this territory you might
get dates (especially if you’re good looking), but few of them will convert into anything serious.

Having said this, the vast majority of women COULD get themselves into at least category five if they learned to
embody the nine non-physical qualities which men most desire in a woman, which I discuss in What Men Want. [As
I mentioned above, three of these are self-esteem, confidence and femininity].

Therefore to sum up, any given man probably does find you attractive to some degree. And how sexually attractive
he finds you depends to a large extent on how much you are displaying the nine non-physical qualities that make
you appear highly desirable as a long-term relationship partner.
24. Do men want women to make the first move?

This is a very interesting question because in one respect men do want women to make the first move, but in another
way they actually don’t. I’m sorry to be a bit contradictory here, but I’ll try to make this a bit clearer for you.

It is important to realize that men are very afraid of approaching women and asking them out (regardless of whether
they know the woman in question well or they’ve only just set eyes on her). Or more accurately, they are absolutely
petrified of doing so!!!

Women are often shocked to hear this and sometimes express the sentiment: “If a man likes me, why can’t he just
say so and leave it up to me to decide whether I’m interested or not?”

But I can assure you that what I’ve just told you about men being afraid to approach is the honest-to-God truth. It
doesn’t matter how successful in life that a man is, how much money he has, his level of social status, how big and
physically strong he is, or how confident and smooth he may come across – he IS scared of making a move on a
woman he’s interested in (probably just as scared as you would be approaching a man). I want to leave you in
absolutely no doubt about that.

Even “Mystery”, who is regarded by many people as the greatest pickup artist in the world, having cold approached
thousands of women (with an incredible success rate at “closing” them), confesses that he still gets nervous before
approaching each new woman.

So is it any wonder that ordinary guys who don’t approach women very often might get a bit anxious about doing so
too? I think so!!!

Given this fact, a large proportion of men if asked would express a clear preference for women to make the first
move (at least some of the time), saving them all the heart palpitations that they have to go through in making
approaches to women who might have absolutely no interest in them and shoot them down hard.

Out of these men, many would also confess that they could never just ask out a woman (no matter how much they
liked her), unless she gave some clear indication of her interest in them first.

But having said all of this, every guy at his core is a man who WANTS to be the masculine pursuer and the initiator
of the relationship. It is about being the leader, which is a desire that is built into just about every man at some level,
whether he recognizes this consciously or not.

So while he would prefer it to be easy and have it all handed to him on a plate, he so much more wants to stand up
and be a man by claiming HIS woman, through challenging and trying circumstances if necessary.

The best men are willing and able to rise above their fears and take up the challenge that is in front of them. They
realize that to get the women they want, they will have no choice but to take a chance and risk rejection and
humiliation in front of others – and they do.

The ideal scenario, though, is a partnership approach with men. A man shows some initial interest in you first (or
maybe he doesn’t – in which case the starting point is the next step), and then you as the woman display some level
of interest in him through smiling or flirting with him. After this, he does the approaching and asking out – which
you should definitely not do (since it isn’t feminine to do so). This preserves your femininity and allows him to
operate in his core masculinity.

This way, the risk is spread a lot more fairly and you as a woman have some way to influence your own dating and
relationship destiny. That is, you are not forced to wait for men to approach you and are not limited to choosing
amongst those who do. You can, for example, just smile at the men you like and induce them to come over to you.

Men are far more likely to approach you if you help them out in such a way – especially if you are only average
looking. In the absence of any information about a woman other than her appearance, men will tend to go for the
better looking ones since the perceived reward is a better match to the perceived level of risk – which is why
beautiful women often receive the lion’s share of attention from men.

However, if you indicate your interest to a man this not only lowers his perceived level of risk, it also raises his
perceived reward by demonstrating at least two extremely attractive non-physical qualities – self-esteem and
confidence. The reason is that it takes a lot of self-esteem and confidence to engage with a man rather than just
holding all your cards closely to your chest until he reveals all of his (which the vast majority of women do, most of
the time).

Furthermore, continuing the card analogy, you also stack the deck in your favor when showing a man your interest
in him by giving him a taste of one of the four key things that men want from a woman – approval. A woman’s
approval can be an intoxicating and highly addictive drug to a man which makes him throw all reason out of the
window to chase her.

Therefore, indicating your interest to a man is a way you can gain a huge advantage over far more physically
attractive women who are not prepared to step out of their comfort zones in such a way.
25. Why do men stare at women?

There are three main reasons why men stare at women – especially those they don’t know. These are:

i. To check her out

The first main reason why men stare is that they’re checking out a particular woman physically and in a variety of
other ways. For example, does she look appealing? Does she seem happy, confident and feminine? Is she friendly?
How old is she? What is her ethnicity? Could she be single?

In other words, they are evaluating her overall attractiveness and whether she is available and would be a good fit
for them in terms of the various things they are seeking in and from a woman at that particular time.

A man cannot normally make a firm “decision” on a woman in just a fraction of a second. He has to look at her from
different angles, watch the way she moves, assess her emotional state, her personality, the way that she interacts
with others and many other factors.

The fact is that it takes a significant amount of time to collect enough data to draw any real conclusions and this is
often why a guy will stare at a woman for an uncomfortable amount of time (from the woman’s perspective). The
longer he looks at her, the more data he is able to collect and the better the assessment of her that he’ll be able to
make.

Of course, the data that he evaluates her on will still be very incomplete, especially in regard to things like her
personality and how she sees the world. Furthermore, it is biased heavily in favor of external factors, which is why
better looking women often get cold approached more by men.

Nevertheless, a man has to make some sort of judgment on a woman as to whether he is interested in her for
anything – even if this is only purely theoretical in that he doesn’t have any intentions of making a move on her
(which in practice will be the case most of the time). Guys feel an unconscious compulsion to classify every female
they meet in terms of whether she is of any interest to them or not, and if so, for what purpose.

If a guy decides that a certain woman is of great interest to him he will then make a determination of whether to
make a move on her or not. But in most cases he’ll chicken out after convincing himself that the chances of rejection
are extremely high – something which he doesn’t want to endure.

However, he might just test the waters a bit to see if he can induce the woman to display any interest in him (see ii,
below). And if she does indicate some interest (eg. by making eye contact with him and smiling) it is far more likely
that he’ll make a move forward.

One final thing that you need to keep in mind here is that men usually try to check women out covertly, but often
aren’t successful in maintaining their cover. Many men think that if a woman isn’t directly looking at them, she has
no idea that they’re checking her out.

But as you probably know all too well, women catch a lot of men out with their superior peripheral vision. And what
is more, at no stage do these men ever realize that they’ve been caught and therefore they keep looking! I understand
that women can sometimes find this quite unnerving.

In contrast, when women try to check men out covertly they rarely get caught – except when they allow themselves
to be. And because of this a lot of guys have absolutely no idea that women actually check out men! Guys can also
get the impression that women are not looking for men and don’t want to be bothered by them.

ii. They are trying to gain her attention

Men sometimes however stare at women in an effort to gain their attention. They will allow themselves to be caught
ogling to alert a woman to the fact that they’re interested in her. Their great hope is that she’ll indicate reciprocal
interest in some way (eg. smile at them) so that they then have the green light to move forward and make an
approach.

Guys use this method because they’re terrified of rejection in person and want some reason to believe that they have
a better than even chance of success if they approach – that the woman they’re interested in will respond favorably
and comply with their requests (eg. give them her phone number and agree to go out on a date with them).

When you notice a guy staring at you, this therefore represents a major opportunity for you if you’re looking for a
new man in your life. If you think that he could be of interest to you, I recommend that you make eye contract with
him and smile warmly. Then look away after a few seconds. It is then his job to come over and talk to you if he’s
still interested.

If and when he does come over, the two of you should be able to determine whether things will go to the next stage
(ie. a date) or not through the presence or absence of “chemistry”. However, you shouldn’t feel obligated to do
anything if he turns out to be someone that you’re not interested in. But at least try to be polite and respectful.

There is a chance though that when you catch a man staring at you that he’s only checking you out at this stage
(reason i). But even if this is the case, it’s still a good idea to display your interest in him as doing so can help to
spark his attraction to you in a big way. This is because it indicates that you possess the very attractive qualities of
self-esteem and confidence in spades. Furthermore, it gives him a hit of the very addictive drug of approval which
makes men do things that they ordinarily wouldn’t do, to get more of it.

There is therefore every possibility that he’ll instantly decide that he’s interested and will make the decision to
approach you as he thinks that he has a good chance of success and it seems worth the risk.

iii. They like her and can’t help themselves

Thirdly, a man will sometimes stare at a woman if after checking her out he decides that she’s attractive, but he isn’t
prepared to make a move on her due to things like fear or because he’s already in a relationship.

What he’ll do is look at her when (he thinks) she’s not looking. Men who don’t intend to take any action usually
want to avoid being caught staring, although they invariably are due to a woman’s better peripheral vision.

Men can find it quite difficult to stop looking at women they find attractive as it makes them feel so incredibly good
doing so.

This is not necessarily a sexual thing in that he is imagining what it would be like to have his way with her. Often it
is just an extremely calming, peaceful and nurturing feeling. And this is an important clue to the fact that men want
you for a lot more than what you can do with them between the sheets.
26. How can I tell if a guy likes me?

This is a question that a lot of women would like a definitive answer to. There is a man who they’re very interested
in, but they’re just not sure whether the feeling is mutual.

It can be very frustrating to be in this sort of position, especially considering the fact that it is the man who is
supposed to make the first move. You would like to encourage him to do so if he is interested, but you don’t want to
make a fool of yourself if he’s not.

So how can you tell for sure whether the guy you have your eye on likes you or not?

Well, there are a number of different signs that he could display if he does like you and I’m going to share with you
seven of the ones that I believe are the most common.

On their own, any one of these signs is a fairly good indicator of interest; however, if you can identify more than
one of these signs you can be almost certain that he does indeed feel something for you.

Okay, so here are the signs:

i. He frequently stares at you or steals glances at you

A couple of things that men who have never met you before or don’t know you well might do is either stare at you
from a distance or steal frequent glances at you – especially in places where you are both likely to be in close
proximity to each other for an extended period of time, such as bars and gyms.

What you need to understand is that when a guy frequently stares or steals a glance at you, this is one of the most
reliable signs that he likes you. For why would he keep looking at you for no particular reason?

Yes, men do check women out all the time, but if they’re not interested, it is very unlikely that they will continue to
look. Therefore, if a guy looks at you once or twice and then doesn’t do so again, you probably shouldn’t read
anything into it.

However, if he continually looks at you, this is an obvious sign that he’s interested in what he sees and would at
least like the chance to meet and get to know you.

The guys who are staring at you are most likely hoping that you’ll respond by making eye contact and then giving
them some sign (eg. a smile) to indicate that their interest is reciprocated so that they can come over and talk to you.
Very few guys who are interested in you will make a direct approach (one in which it is clear that their intent is
romantic) without such a sign from you.

But the guys who steal glances at you from time to time are probably not as confident in themselves as the ones who
stare and may feel that you’d never go for someone like them. Most likely if you try to make eye contact with them
they’ll look away quickly. It will therefore be much harder to get them to approach you.

ii. He becomes nervous around you

Often when a man likes a woman a lot, he will become nervous around her. This can involve things like not being
able to make and maintain strong eye contact with her, talking really fast and maybe completely dominating the
conversation, stuttering and tripping over his words occasionally, and trying too hard to impress.

However, probably the biggest and most common one is that a guy will smile too much and possibly have a big
cheesy grin plastered on his face the whole time he’s talking to her. This has happened to me more times than I care
to remember!

But whatever the case, very few guys have the ability to stop themselves reacting emotionally in some way to a
woman they’re highly attracted to when they’re face to face with her. And regarding the ones who do have this
ability, you should probably be very wary of them as they may not be the most healthy individuals around, from a
psychological perspective!

iii. He gravitates toward you and takes every opportunity to interact with you

You might find that some guys just gravitate toward you and always seem to hang around. And if they’re in your
circle of friends they might make a habit of popping up unexpectedly at places they know you’re going to be.

Furthermore, when they’re around you, they might take every opportunity to interact with you. Sometimes they’ll
even try to push other people aside to get their time with you and they probably won’t let you go easily.

When a man does any of these kinds of things, it is a pretty sure sign that he likes you.

iv. He makes every effort to keep conversations with you going

Further to the last point, a man who likes you may make every effort to keep a conversation with you going. He will
try to milk a particular conversational thread (eg. talking about a certain movie that has just been released) for all it’s
worth and then when he senses that it’s finally about to die he’ll quickly attempt to start another thread to prevent
the conversation itself from ending.

A huge clue in this regard is when a guy says “Soooo …”, when there is a danger of an awkward silence occurring.

v. He does nice things for you

When men like women, they will often go out of their way to do nice things for them. This could involve things
such as giving you a ride home from a party (instead of you having to grab a cab), offering to pay for your ticket to
the movies when you are there with a group of mutual friends (or refusing to let you reimburse him after he has
bought tickets for the group), waiting for you to go through a door first, or rushing to pick up something heavy and
carry it for you.

Effectively, what the guy is trying to do is be a gentleman and cause you to think that he’s a nice, respectful guy
who would make a great boyfriend and husband.

vi. He flirts with you

When a man likes a woman, he will sometimes flirt with her – which he’ll more likely do if he’s a particularly
confident man (shy guys usually won’t flirt with a woman until she flirts with them first)

Flirting can involve many different things such as staring and making strong eye contact with you, smiling, teasing
you, touching you as he’s talking, and maybe saying and doing crazy things such as picking you up and holding you
in his arms (depending on the context).

And when a man flirts with you, it is absolutely imperative that you flirt back at him otherwise he might think you're
not interested in him and give up.

I discuss flirting more in my book What Men Want.

vii. He sends you a friend request on Facebook

When a guy sends you a friend request on Facebook, this is a reasonable indicator that he has some level of interest
in you, especially if he is not someone you know well in real life. But you have to be a bit careful with this as some
people go around trying to add everyone they possibly can in order to maximize their friend count.

It is therefore best that you try to pair this sign with at least one other. However, if after adding him as a friend he
starts frequently engaging with you on the site such as commenting on and liking your posts or trying to chat with
you through the instant messenger service, this would be a very positive sign.

The advantage of such Facebook interactions is that you have a chance to learn more about him before you commit
to going out on a date with him. It can also be an easier way to get to know him if either of you is a bit shy.

***

Anyway, in looking back over these seven signs, the common factor in all of them is attention. When a guy is
interested in you, he will typically pay you a lot of attention – much more than you would ordinarily expect from
someone like him.

The form that this attention takes will vary in every individual case. Some guys will do more of some things and less
of others. But you can be fairly sure that every guy who likes you will do at least one of these things, and probably
more. This is how to tell if a guy likes you.

My suggestion however is that you don’t wait for the guy you’re interesting in to display any of those signs to you.
A much better approach is to just assume attraction in the first place – from every guy you meet or are around. For
as I stated in Chapter 23: Does he find me sexually attractive?, men are attracted to the majority of women of
reproductive age to some degree and therefore as long as you have your act together most men will be open to you,
at least on some level.

All you then need to do is show them some of the non-physical qualities they’re looking for from you and indicators
of your interest in them (eg. a smile), and there is a good chance that you’ll elicit the signs of their interest that
we’ve just discussed.
27. How do you read a shy guy and know if he likes you – are his actions and behavior different
from other guys?

In principle, shy guys are not much different than any other man. They are red-blooded men who like women just as
much as the next guy. And they’ll generally display the same signs of interest that we discussed in the last chapter
(attention is again the key to determining whether or not they like you) – with a couple of exceptions.

The main difference occurs in which signs they’re likely to show, the degree to which they show them, and how
long they wait before showing them.

What you need to understand about shy guys is that they typically have a lot of crippling fears in their lives which
they haven’t dealt with (particularly social ones). Specific to approaching women and asking them out, these are that
they are especially afraid of rejection, of making a mistake, and of what other people think about them.

Therefore before making any sort of a move on a woman (including sometimes even just saying “hi” to her) they
will first need to feel a very high degree of certainty that she is truly interested. They often have trouble dealing with
even the thought of her saying “no” to them and as a result they’ll try to avoid putting themselves in that position –
even if it causes them to lose someone who is actually interested in them.

What this means is that a shy guy will probably never cold approach a woman who he’s attracted to, unless he is
very drunk. Even if she smiles warmly at him he’ll probably be afraid that she’s just being friendly or that she’s
actually smiling at someone behind him or in front of him etc.

However, what he will typically do is steal glances at women he finds attractive and if they look at him he’ll quickly
look away. But he won’t tend to stare at women as he doesn’t want to be “caught” doing so.

With a woman he already knows (to some degree), he will sometimes gravitate toward her and make an effort to
interact with her – if he has a good enough excuse to do so (and he might try to manufacture one!). However, there
is a chance that he’ll come across as quite nervous or awkward around her (ie. “act a bit weird”). But if he feels that
the conversation is going well he’ll try to prolong it and keep her around.

The key thing to keep in mind here though is that he will want to avoid coming across as being interested in the
woman romantically and “hitting on” her – until such time as he receives the green light from her to do so.

Consequently, he will be very unassuming and act as if he’s trying to build a platonic friendship instead of a
romantic relationship; he might act excessively formal, such as always referring to the woman by her full first name
rather than the shortened version that everyone who knows her well uses; and there is a chance that he might try to
be a gentleman by doing nice things for her such as giving her a ride home from a party etc and opening doors for
her.

It is very unlikely that he’ll flirt with a woman until such time as she does it with him first. In fact, he will always be
looking for clear and unambiguous signs that she likes him before doing anything that could be construed as
“making a move”.

His mentality is very similar to someone who dips their toes in the water first, as opposed to just diving in and
quickly discovering what the water is like. Every move he makes will be tentative at best, until he is sure of himself.

Sometimes, even when a woman does give the shy guy a pretty obvious indication of her interest in him, he still
won’t pull the trigger. He’s afraid that he might misinterpret her apparent interest or come on too strong, too
quickly.

Therefore he’ll wait, hoping that she’ll keep offering more signs of her interest or even ask him out directly – which
I don’t suggest you do (for more discussion on this, see Chapter 24: Do men want women to make the first move?).
My position is that with a shy guy you should be prepared to give him more signs of interest than a regular guy, but
don’t ask him out directly.

If however, after a reasonable amount of time he doesn’t step forward and make the move, I think you need to move
on from him. This is a man who would frustrate you in life because he just wouldn’t step up and be a man when you
need him to. Therefore, forcing a guy to step up and claim you if he wants you is a good way to weed out the sort of
men who wouldn’t make good long-term partners.

Now, looking at it from the positive point of view, if and when he does make a move it is not going to be confident
or smooth. It is likely to be low-key and probably a bit awkward. If you’re still interested in him just accept this fact
and go with what he suggests. He will grow in confidence over time as he feels more of your approval.

Finally, I would just like to point out that there is a difference between a shy guy and one who is introverted, quiet
and reserved. A lot of people equate introversion with shyness, but this is not necessarily the case (although shyness
and introversion do often coincide).

A guy who is introverted but not shy (eg. the strong, silent type who may also be a bit mysterious) will usually not
be as nervous and awkward around women he likes as the shy guy is. But he’ll often be quite standoffish.

The key difference between him and the shy guy though is that his standoffishness is not because of fears of being
rejected etc, it is because he wants to take the time to evaluate the woman carefully to make sure that she’d be a
good fit for him – maybe because he was cheated on before or taken to the cleaners by an ex-wife.

He is a guarded sort of person who doesn’t let others into his life very easily (either physically or emotionally). They
have to prove themselves to him first – especially that they’re loyal, trustworthy and discreet. As a result, he may not
have a lot of friends – especially close ones.

However, when this sort of man is ready he’ll make his move and may do so in a confident and smooth way. There
is a chance though that he will act “gentlemanly” and be overly formal about it.

The reason that I mention the difference between the introverted (but not shy) man and the shy one is that you need
to work a very different strategy to get each one. If the guy is shy, you need keep giving him a lot of signs of your
interest and then hope that he’ll gain enough confidence to make a move.

However, this is completely the wrong strategy for the introverted guy. He will interpret your giving a lot of signs as
pestering and pressuring him, and this will probably result in him never letting you in.

For him, you need to instead be there without being too flirty or direct with him. Give him time and there is every
chance that he may open up to you. Try to develop emotional intimacy with him by opening up first and sharing
things about yourself that you wouldn’t tell everyone. But understand that he may be a man of few words and you
therefore might need to do most of the talking – at least initially.
28. Can you break out of the dreaded “friend zone” with men, and if so, how?

It can be very frustrating for a woman when she has a close male friend who she’s interested in romantically (or
there is a guy in her circle of friends who she really likes), but she just can’t break out of being “the friend”. She
feels that she’d make an amazing girlfriend (and potentially a wife) to him – which he would quickly realize if he
only gave her a chance.

So therefore, if you find yourself in this position of being pigeonholed as a friend, is there actually any way to break
out of it?

My answer to this is that in principle yes you can break out of the “friend zone”, but the difficulty in doing so
depends on why you’ve been placed there and how long you’ve actually been there.

Let’s consider these things, starting with the why:

There are three main reasons why a man will place you in the “friend zone”:

i. He doesn’t see you in “that way”

The first reason, which is the hardest to overcome is when a man doesn’t feel attracted to you or see you as a
potential romantic partner, but he still enjoys your company and respects you as a person.

If you fit into this category, there is a possibility that no matter what you do you’ll never be able to change his mind
regarding this. For instance, you may just not be his type for whatever reason.

However, there is also a reasonable chance that such a man could change his mind about you if you only increased
your attraction factor.

For example, work on improving your self-esteem and confidence, and try to present yourself in a more feminine
way (as I discuss in Chapter 21: What do men find attractive in a woman?). If you do these things in an authentic
way (as opposed to simply trying to put on an act to impress him), a man will not be able to help himself feeling
more attracted to you. But this does not necessarily mean that you’ll be able to pass the threshold necessary for him
to seriously consider you for a relationship.

I remember back quite a few years ago now that I met a woman through a course I was taking. I kind of became
friends with her as I saw her all the time (including socially) and she was very friendly and talkative.

She also made friends with a lot of the other guys on the course too, but never seemed to get anywhere romantically
with any of them.

So why did she always end up in the friend zone?

This one is very easy to answer. It was simply because she was not very feminine. When you were around her it felt
like she was just one of the boys. She was a beer and sport kind of girl who you could talk a lot of “guy stuff” with.

I felt absolutely no sexual tension around her – you know that slightly nervous or exhilarating feeling that you often
get when you are in the presence of someone of the opposite sex whom you find attractive. And I strongly suspect
that the other guys felt exactly the same way too.

However, if she had acted and dressed a bit more feminine and learned how to flirt with men, there was no reason
why someone wouldn’t have gone after her.
ii. He is attracted to you, but doesn’t know you’re interested in him

The second reason why you might be in the friend zone, however, is much easier to overcome than the first. This is
that a man does find you attractive, but he doesn’t know that you have any romantic interest in him, and therefore he
just assumes that you only want to be friends with him.

Furthermore, he’s afraid that if he makes any unwanted advance on you it could ruin the friendship – which he
doesn’t want to happen. Neither does he want others to find out that he went after you and was rejected, as he
perceives that there would be social consequences if this happened. [A man’s status and position within the group
normally falls when he’s rejected by a woman.]

All the man really needs is a bit of help to overcome these psychological barriers in order to make a move on you.
My advice therefore is to flirt with him a bit if you like him – which you should be doing anyway with every man
you are attracted to and would consider as a boyfriend.

Any man who likes you should then start to gain the necessarily confidence to make his move on you, as he’ll feel
that the chances of being rejected are now far more manageable than before, when he had absolutely no idea of
whether you thought of him as anything more than just a friend.

Flirting will also make you appear far more attractive in his eyes as it strongly displays the key qualities of self-
esteem, confidence and femininity that men are looking for in a woman.

iii. He is attracted to you, but doesn’t know how to make a move on you

The third reason is a bit of a variation on the second one. This is that he is attracted to you and possibly suspects that
the feeling is mutual, but he doesn’t know how to make a move on you because the inertia of the status quo is so
hard to overcome.

This might be the case if he’s quite shy, or the two of you have been friends for a while and bringing the subject up
would feel rather awkward and uncomfortable to him.

For instance, how would he transition into such a place where he could officially ask you out and what specifically
would he say?

He doesn’t want to say something like the following:

“You know, Amy, there was ah something I was wanting to um talk to you about. I was kind of thinking … well …
um … you know … we have ah known each other for quite a while now … and I was um wondering whether you
think we could … ahhh … ever be more than um just friends … ”

Painful, embarrassing and extremely uncomfortable – for both parties! LOL

What you therefore need to do is help him out, as the masculine way of being very direct does not work very well
when a strong precedent has already been set – that the two of you are only friends. As the woman, however, your
femininity gives you the power to be indirect with a man but still move things forward.

I suggest that you create opportunities for the two of you to do things together – especially those that couples would
do. For example, tell him that you want to go along to a particular movie, but don’t want to go alone. [This could
also be a useful technique to use for reason ii (above), as well]

In addition to this, it would be a good idea to flirt with him a bit as I recommended above in (ii).

***

It is also important to point out that the difficulty of ever getting out of the “friend zone” increases the longer you
have been in it, regardless of the reason why you’re there.

For instance, if the man does not see you in “that way” (reason i), it will take a lot more effort to convince him
otherwise, the longer he has held this view.

If he is attracted to you but doesn’t know you’re interested in him (reason ii), it will take more effort on your part to
get him to make the move, the longer you have been friends. And it is a similar story for the case in which he is
attracted to you but doesn’t know how to make a move (reason iii).

Once a precedent has been set, it becomes very difficult to overcome it with a new way of thinking – especially if
this involves upgrading a relationship (eg. from friendship to romance) as opposed to downgrading it (eg. from
romance to friendship). It can possibly be done, but could be quite tricky to do so.

My strong advice though is that you don’t become obsessed over getting out of the “friend zone” and winning a
particular guy over. Definitely don’t spend years trying to make him yours. NO GUY is worth that amount of effort
and heartache, no matter how good you may think that he is.

Therefore if you want to have a go at getting him, make it no more than a two-month campaign (and don’t neglect
any other guys you’re interested in either). Use the methods I’ve suggested above and if they don’t quickly pay
dividends, move on! Life is too short to waste chasing some unlikely fantasy.

Furthermore, in the future I suggest that you focus on prevention rather than cure. That is, when you first meet a
man you’re attracted to you should always try for romance first (by signaling your interest and flirting with him). If
this doesn’t work out, you can still then become friends with him. But don’t try for friends first in the hope of
upgrading later – which is far more difficult to achieve.
29. How does he really feel about me – does he truly love me and see a future for our
relationship?

This question and ones very similar to it such as “Am I important to him?” are right at the top of the list of most
frequently asked questions by women who are currently in relationships, but don’t yet have the level of commitment
from their man that they desire.

I have to admit though that when I saw how often women asked about this (and very similar things), the clear
impression I got was one of deep insecurity and neediness – two things that are extremely unattractive to men.

Let me say that again: mindsets such as these are EXTREMELY unattractive to men. They convey the ideas of
desperately hoping to get something from the man and being unsure of the value you that bring to the table.

When a man starts to realize these things he will hold off on committing to you, the feelings that he has for you will
begin to die, and he’ll eventually be forced to leave you if the insecurity and neediness get too strong (unless he
doesn’t think that his alternative options are any better).

Unfortunately in this life, those who are most hungry usually don’t get fed, and those who are full are continually
offered more. Sad but true.

Women sometimes say, however, that they would never let a guy know if they felt insecure and needy – which I
totally get. But there are many ways that a man can deduce these things apart from a direct admission.

For instance, he can detect when you’re insecure and needy (or not) through what you do (or don’t do), what you
say (or don’t say), your body language, your facial expressions, your general vibe (ie. it is one of being confident
and secure, or of being nervous and overly concerned about what he thinks of you?), and when you don’t appear to
have a compelling life of your own apart from him.

However, if you know who you are (and like this person!) [ie. you possess high self-esteem] and project a lot of
self-confidence to a man, you won’t trigger his insecurity/neediness/desperation alert, making it far more likely that
he’ll see a future with you and be motivated to actively pursue it.

Furthermore, the question of how he really feels about you won’t be that relevant because you’ll see yourself as
having a lot of other options with quality men and therefore it would be no great loss if he was to leave. Coupled
with this, you’ll be too busy asking yourself what you really think about him and whether he’s the right one for you,
to be overly concerned about his opinion of you.

Men can feel it when a woman is coming from this sort of place, and let me tell you, it’s EXTREMELY attractive. It
makes a man want to pursue her and try to win her over, rather than think about whether he’s actually that interested
in her.

Therefore if “How does he really feel about me?” is a particularly burning question for you rather than just a mild
curiosity, I think that you have a bit of inner work to do regarding finding your true identity (ie. who you are) and
loving this person.

Only when you truly love yourself can you expect someone else to also love you for who you are on the inside.
Otherwise, you’ll find that good men will pass you over and users will gravitate toward you to get what they can
from you (and then they’ll leave).

Okay, this has been quite a “heavy” chapter so far. I know it probably hasn’t been quite what you expected when
you read the topic at the beginning, but I am trying to answer the underlying question (ie. the real question behind
the question) about how to make a man see a future in a relationship with you and be motivated to seal it through
some form of outward commitment, such as marriage.

Anyway, with that being said I will now answer the original question (because I’m sure that you still want to
know!):

To understand what a man really feels about you, you need to carefully look at his behavior and recognize the
following signs that are key indicators (I have grouped these into two categories – at the beginning of the
relationship and later on):

A. At the beginning of the relationship

i. Does he take you out on fun dates, or is he not really interested in spending his time and money on you?

A man who is genuinely interested in a real long-term relationship with a woman is happy to spend his valuable
time and money on taking her out on fun dates. She is more than worth it to him as he greatly enjoys her company
and is hoping to make her a more permanent part of his life if everything continues to go well.

Such a man is normally unassuming and doesn’t feel any sense of entitlement as to having certain “services”
rendered in return for his investment in her.

On the other hand, guys who don’t see any long-term potential in a woman will often spend as little time and money
as possible on dates with her. Even if they’re far from poor, they may see it as a badge of honor to spend absolutely
nothing on her – or even better, to induce her to pay!!! And what time they do spend with her will probably be
strongly focused on them and exactly what they want – which will probably revolve around sex.

In that case, a plausible scenario is that the woman will get invited around to their place at night (often after 9pm) –
maybe to watch a movie that they have on DVD or Blu-ray. He then only has to invest about two hours (and no
money!) to have a chance to seduce her – which he assumes she wants him to do if she agrees to come around.

One thing that you should definitely know along these lines is that some schools of “pickup” and seduction are
teaching men that they need to “set the frame” early with a woman, in such a way that she’s conditioned to have sex
with them quickly while not ever expecting to go out on proper dates with them. In order to do this, a man is
instructed to get a woman home as soon as possible (preferably right after meeting her), sleep with her and only
agree to further meetings at either his place or her place with the two of them alone.

There are of course still a lot of “old school” guys out there who will wine and dine a woman and then feel that this
entitles them to a bit of action at the end of the night. If this does not eventuate by date two or three, they’ll probably
be gone.

Given all this then, an almost watertight strategy to tell at the beginning of a relationship whether a guy is really
interested in you for you (as opposed to just your body) is to not to have sex with him. The guys who are after
something long term will stick around, while those whose main goal is the lay will quickly disappear and chase after
lower hanging fruit than you.

This will also serve to make the guys who are really interested in you a lot more keen, since it gives the impression
of you having higher self-esteem and creates more challenge for the man – which energizes and engages him to a far
greater extent.

However, there is one thing that I need to point out. This is that you should not expect a guy to continually wine and
dine you at his expense – especially not from day one. And I strongly suggest that you don’t try to “game” men by
attempting to get them to spend as much as possible on you without “giving it up”, as some authors teach. A good
guy will eventually realize that he’s being gamed and will depart. Just as I’m assuming that you don’t want to be
used for your body, a guy does not want to be used for his wallet.
Instead, I believe that it is preferable for the first date to be something inexpensive like a coffee together. This way,
the man is not burdened by the cost at such a point when the relationship has a high probability of not going any
further. After all, dating can be very expensive for a man, especially if he’s going on a lot of first dates and taking
women to nice restaurants all the time.

Then, if and when the two of you decide that there is mutual interest to keep seeing each other, there needs to be a
bit more of a 50-50 sharing of the costs as you start doing more expensive things. For example, he might pay for one
date and you pay for the next.

This is good for you as the woman since it helps to remove any sense of obligation that you may have to “put out”
once a man has spent a significant amount of money on you. At the same time, it also ensures that you’ll never scare
a man off by coming across as a user, or even worse, a “gold digger”. After all, if your motives toward him are pure
(ie. you are after a relationship partner), how much he spends on you should be of secondary importance at most.

ii. Does he like spending time with you and talking, or does he only really show interest in “getting physical”?

Further to (i) above, you’ll know that a man truly feels something for you when he really enjoys just spending time
with you and talking, even if it is not activity-based (eg. going out on “dates”).

When a guy likes you (and the feeling and is mutual), the two of you will be able to talk for hours about anything
and everything, without any difficulty. The time will just disappear.

In addition, you’ll find a strong two-way emotional connection forming that is impossible to deny. Once you have
this, the relationship is heading in a trajectory toward long-term commitment.

However, a guy who really doesn’t feel anything for you will not connect to you on anything other than a superficial
level. He won’t enjoy having to spend long periods of time with you, which will be boring and a waste of time to
him. His only real interest will probably be in “getting physical” with you.

iii. Does he talk with you about his future – his dreams and aspirations?

Guys who have long-term interest in you will want to increase the level of intimacy (which creates emotional
connection) in the relationship over time by sharing with you their dreams and aspirations about the future and
trying to get you to share yours with them.

This is also a major test of your compatibility with each other since if either of you doesn’t share the other’s vision
for the future, a long-term committed relationship would probably not be viable.

On the other hand, guys who already know that they have no long-term interest in you will typically avoid topics
such as the future and what a life together might involve.

This is because they don’t want to risk breaking rapport with you which would hurt their chances of bedding you.
Neither do they want a lot of drama when they cut you loose, which you could give them if they misled or directly
lied to you.

What this means is that these guys will try to keep any conversation in the here and now and will usually not look
further than a week or two in advance. In other words, the “relationship horizon” is short.

iv. After you have been together for a few weeks, has he introduced you to his friends yet?

When a man is hoping to make a woman a major part of his life he’ll want to introduce her to those close to him –
firstly his friends. His desire is that she’ll bond with them and become an accepted and valued member of the group
– which would help to further the relationship. But if she isn’t able to bond effectively with his tribe, it would raise a
rather large red flag about his future with her.

If however, a guy has not introduced you to his friends after the two of you have been together for a few weeks, this
would indicate that he either doesn’t have any friends, he is a very busy man, or more likely that he doesn’t see you
as someone he’ll be with for that long.

In the latter case, he hopes to avoid it getting messy when he breaks up with you. The worst-case scenario would be
that you make friends with some of his friends and then he can’t remove you from his life. You might then
badmouth him to them after the relationship ends.

v. After a month or two of your being together, has he introduced you to his family and expressed any
interest in meeting yours?

The second part of the introduction process of a man’s girlfriend to those close to him is to his family – those who
will always be part of his life. You might expect that this will take longer than getting introduced to his friends. But
unless the two of you live quite far away from his family, such a meeting should happen at least within a couple of
months of meeting him if he’s serious about a relationship with you.

Guys who see you as part of their future will introduce you to their family when it’s clear that things are starting to
get serious. Realize that they’ll most likely need their seal of approval to take things further with you. And just like
with friends, it would be a major red flag if their family didn’t like you (or you didn’t like them).

However, a man is far less likely to take a casual girlfriend home, since he doesn’t want to appear like a player to his
parents by having a new woman every few weeks. Nor does he want his parents to like her and then be disappointed
when the relationship ends.

B. Later on in the relationship

After you’ve successfully passed through each of the five stages above, the relationship is now probably advancing
quite nicely toward long-term commitment. However, this does not necessarily mean that it’s a done deal.

At any point, something could arise which changes his mind – especially if you start showing signs of insecurity and
neediness (which as I’ve already explained are major turn-offs to men).

Let’s now go through a few things that will signpost how he currently feels about you:

i. Does he talk as though the two of you have a future together?

I mentioned in A. iii. (above) about him discussing his future plans with you – especially his dreams and aspirations.
But does he now involve you in them?

In other words, does he talk as though the two of you have a future together – one that extends years into the future?

When a guy talks about events like Christmas, summer vacations, buying a house, having children, and especially
marriage, this is normally a clear sign that he sees a future with you for at least the length of time conveyed and
maybe a lot longer (ie. the “relationship horizon” lengthens significantly). This is of course on the proviso that there
is a strong sense of “we” as opposed to just “I” in the words he uses.

If however, it is all about what he’s going to do or wants to do, it is clear that he doesn’t see you as being part of the
picture – YET.

This doesn’t mean that he won’t change his mind later though (especially if you’ve only been with him for a few
months). But if the two of you have been together for years, it should serve as a serious warning sign that you don’t
necessarily feature in his long-term plans.

ii. How much chemistry and emotional connection is there in the relationship?

If you have been with a guy for a while, a good test of what he thinks of you is looking at how much chemistry and
emotional connection there is in the relationship.

When a couple first gets together there is almost always a lot of chemistry between the man and woman (which is
usually a significant part of what causes them to get together in the first place). And then over time, emotional
connection develops progressively in a successful relationship.

Normally, the amount of chemistry present in a relationship will be at its highest near the beginning of it (ie. through
raw attraction and the novelty factor of a new partner) and the level of emotional connection will start off low and
become much higher as each party allows themselves to become increasingly vulnerable to the other (which allows
intimacy and trust to develop).

If therefore you have a healthy relationship (of reasonable duration) in which your man is deeply in love with you,
you should expect there to still be a good level of chemistry (although not as high as at the very beginning of the
relationship) and a very high level of emotional connection.

What you need to look for is that your man is still excited to see you and that he greatly enjoys your company. The
two of you should be able to talk for hours about a wide range of topics (ie. from the deep and meaningful to the
mundane), joke around frequently, and enjoy non-sexual physical intimacy in the form of things like hugs, kisses
and cuddles. Hopefully also, your man is still mesmerized by your smile.

However, if the spark in the relationship has pretty much died and the level of emotional intimacy is nowhere near
as high as it was (maybe because of frequent arguments and disagreements), you have cause for concern. It is a fair
bet that his feelings for you are not as strong as they once were. Neither will his commitment to the relationship be.

iii. Who is working the hardest at the relationship?

Another good test of how a man really feels about you is looking to see who you think is currently working the
hardest at the relationship to keep the other’s attention and interest. And who is the more relaxed about how things
are going?

In this regard, there will sometimes be one person out of the two who is much more committed to making it work
than the other. They’re concerned that if they don’t work hard to please their partner, he or she might leave.

If you find yourself in this sort of situation where you are the insecure one who is not sure of their place in the
relationship and feels that they need work overtime to be a desirable partner/spouse, then there is a very good chance
that the relationship is out of balance and that your man is not as attracted to you as you are to him.

This feeling may have just started in your head and had no basis in reality, in that he was very much attracted to you,
but you couldn’t see it because of low self-esteem. However, even if this was the case, it quickly turns into reality
because you have begun to believe it (ie. it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy).

When you start acting and operating from a place of insecurity, the man you’re with will quickly sense this and
become less attracted to you. As a result, he’ll either consciously or unconsciously start pulling back from you to
some degree.

You will then sense this distance and try to work even harder to win him back – which is soooooo unattractive
(especially because it is now impossible for him to pursue you, as you are effectively pursuing him)!!! In addition to
this, you may feel that no matter what you do and how loving you are, you can never get rid of this feeling of
insecurity regarding the possibility that he may leave.
On the other hand, if you feel secure in the relationship and confident in just being yourself, you are probably in the
right place – as long as you are not completely taking your man for granted or letting yourself go (you always need
to put effort into a relationship to ensure that it remains healthy).

In this case, it is highly likely that he’s still very much into you, since men are normally very attracted to women
who have high self-esteem and are very confident – which by definition implies that they’re secure. Men will
normally respond by putting effort into being their best self in order to continue attracting their woman on a daily
basis.

In summary then, when you evaluate how much effort each party is putting into the relationship you want to see a
balance and symmetry. Both you and your man should be contributing fairly equally and feel secure in the
relationship, with no fear of it ending. When this is the case you can normally assume that he loves you as much as
you love him.

This of course does not guarantee that the relationship will never end, but the point is that you do not dread it
ending. If the two of you do break up, you know that this won’t be the end of the world and you’ll move on.
Confident people accept the possibility of failure and are okay when it happens (although they still don’t find it
pleasant at the time).

iv. Is the relationship serving him?

Fourthly, I would like you to ask yourself whether you think the relationship is serving your man.

Is it helping him to move toward his dreams and goals in life (hopefully you know what these are by now), or is it
hindering these objectives? And is he generally flourishing as a person by being with you?

When a relationship is serving a guy it causes him to be at his best and have a definite spring in his step. He should
be making strong progress in the areas of his life which are most important to him – especially his career.

The longer that you’ve been with a man, the more important these considerations will be in determining how he
feels about you and the relationship (and whether he sees a future in it).

Put simply, if the relationship is good for him, both now and looking forward, he will feel much more strongly about
you and will be far more motivated to both stay in the relationship and commit fully to it.

But if the relationship drains his mental and emotional energy (such as if there are a lot of arguments or you become
needy) and suffocates him so that he struggles in life generally, he probably won’t want to remain in it.

v. How long have you been together?

The longer that you’ve been with a man, the more you can assume that he likes/loves you (unless you have reason to
believe otherwise, such as if things have turned sour). For if a relationship is not serving a guy he will probably end
it either sooner or later, as I implied above.

Therefore, if for example a guy has been with you for three years he almost certainly does love you very much and
see some sort of a future with you. But this does not necessarily mean that he has any plans to marry you and be
with you for the rest of his life.

If however, we are talking about relationships of much longer duration (such as a 15-year marriage) the natural
question to arise is, “Does he still love me?”

My thoughts on this are actually quite similar to those for a shorter term relationship. That is, unless you have some
concrete reasons to indicate otherwise (such as him continually ignoring you or showing disgust at any form of
physical intimacy with you), you should assume that he does love you – given the amount of time you’ve been
together.

What you have to remember is that men don’t tend to be particularly expressive and usually aren’t given to huge
displays of affection (because it is not masculine to do so). When they’re completely happy and satisfied with how
the relationship is going, they will likely just get on with life. With them, business as usual means that everything is
going well from their perspective, so don’t try to second-guess them.

One thing that you also need to be aware of and realistic about is that the form love takes evolves over time. It is
dynamic rather than static, so you shouldn’t expect the fire and passion at the beginning of the relationship to
continue on forever – it most likely won’t. Companionship love will gradually take over from romantic love and
replace it as the dominant form of love expressed between you and your husband.

But this doesn’t mean that the two of you can’t still enjoy a satisfying sex life. And you don’t need to worry about
him leaving you because he doesn’t try to rip your clothes off the minute you walk in the door at night and make
passionate love to you anymore, as he often used to do when you first got married.

Furthermore, if he’s no longer interested in sex with you this may not be because he no longer finds you physically
attractive. It could just be because of some health issues that he has (such as erectile dysfunction) which make sex
difficult or embarrassing for him. Alternatively, he might have developed a psychological issue like depression that
is affecting his libido and making him withdrawn.

Therefore, please don’t automatically assume the worst – that it is all about you. Talk with him about the situation
and see if there is an issue that the two of you can work together to solve.

Having said all this, it is vitally important that you always continue to put the same effort into looking your best
physically for your man that you did when you first met him. There is never a stage when this doesn’t matter
anymore. While he doesn’t expect you to look twenty-something forever, he does need you to look the best you can
for your age if he is to feel any sexual desire for you.

Of course, I am not advocating that you go to any drastic lengths like having cosmetic surgery. Remember that there
are definite risks associates with many of these procedures and treatments.

What I am suggesting though is that you eat right, exercise regularly and stay in shape, wear clothes that make you
look attractive, maintain a great hair style, and do everything you can to live a happy and fulfilling life – which is
not the responsibility of anyone else but yourself.

Further to this advice to be happy, it must also be remembered that living a life full of positive emotions is
absolutely critical to looking good when you get older (or at any age for that matter, as men are much more attracted
to women who look happy).

The reason for this is that when you get older, your face begins to take on the permanent appearance of your
dominant emotions, as wrinkles trace out the loci of the facial expressions that accompany these emotions.

For example, a person who is frequently angry will normally develop deep lines between their eyes. And when
someone has had a very difficult life, it is usually written all over their face.

In addition, persistent negative emotions release stress hormones in your body that will prematurely age you over
time. On the other hand, women who are normally happy and feeling good always seem to look more youthful and
have a glow about them that is attractive.

It is also important that you don’t lose your femininity as you get older, if you want your husband to maintain his
sexual desire for you. A huge mistake that women often make is that they progressively emasculate their man over
time, especially through taking the lead in the relationship and communicating lack of trust in him.

Even worse, some women also do things such as treating him like a little boy (eg. patronizing behavior), criticizing
him, belittling him and showing contempt for him. Such behaviors will cause a man not only to lose his sexual
desire for his wife, but he’ll more than likely lose the companionship side of his love for her as well, and no longer
want to be around her.

Finally, don’t allow yourself to ever become needy or insecure as these things will kill a man’s love for you as well.
I have already discussed how they hurt you before a man commits to you. But they are also very attractive at any
stage after commitment has been made.
30. Why does he tell me he loves me one minute and then cheat on me the next?

There is the obvious possibility that he lied to you when he told you that he loved you. This can definitely happen.

But if you’ve been in a relationship with this man for any decent amount of time (say a couple of months or longer)
it is probably more reasonable to consider a different possibility. This is that he wasn’t lying, but he just succumbed
to temptation in a moment of weakness. An opportunity presented itself, which unfortunately he took.

As I explained earlier, men are biologically programmed with an extremely strong desire to mate with as many
fertile females as they possibly can. In addition to this, they don’t tend to feel such a strong connection between sex
and real love as women do.

Therefore, no matter how attractive you are and how much in love with you that he is, it is impossible to prevent the
possibility that he’ll become tempted to cheat (however these things will greatly lessen the chances of it ever
happening).

Furthermore, the more desirable your man is to other women, the more that opportunities to cheat will naturally
present themselves without him having to look very hard for them.

When such opportunities arise, a man often has to summon every bit of his willpower to say no to them. But all it
takes is a moment of weakness (eg. feeling tired at the end of a long, hard day) for him to give in and eat the
forbidden fruit. And he can easily rationalize it away by saying to himself that it is only sex and means nothing.

Of course, if he has any sense of what is right and wrong, he will instantly realize that he’s made a huge mistake
once he’s done the deed. But by then it’s too late.

In any case however, him having done the deed does not necessarily mean that he’s now “in love” with the other
woman. Remember that men are able to keep sex and the feeling of being in love completely separate from each
other. It might have therefore just been a pleasurable encounter for him and nothing more. And he may still remain
very much in love with you and honestly want the relationship to continue – something which you need to keep in
mind when you consider whether or not to give him a second chance.

Please understand though that in no way am I saying that cheating is justifiable or that you should just lie down
accept it as something that men do from time to time. It is wrong and a gross breach of trust, especially when he’s
just told you that he loves you.

Love is more than just a feeling; it also involves making decisions such as to act in ways that respect the person you
claim to love. Therefore when a man cheats he has acted in a very unloving way and it would be quite justifiable for
you to refuse to take him back.

But if you do decide to give him a second chance, make it clear to him that if he does it again the relationship is
over. Don’t give him any more chances, otherwise you’re basically giving him license to continuing cheating on you
(and he probably will).
31. How do I know I’m not his “fill-in” option until he finds the one he really wants to be with?

Some women worry that the man they’re in a relationship with does not see them as having long-term potential and
that they’re just his medium-term “fill-in” option until he finds someone better. A legitimate concern is that he could
turn out to be a really big time-waster.

This issue is very similar to the one covered in Chapter 29: How does he really feel about me – does he truly love
me and see a future for our relationship? However, here we are assuming that you’re definitely in some sort of real
relationship with the man and we’re discounting the possibility that he’s just after a bit of short-term action between
the sheets.

I am not going to rehash a lot of old points here, but I suggest that you have a good look back at Chapter 29,
especially in relation to the signs I’m about to list regarding what to look for if a man does not consider you to be a
long-term option.

Seven signs that a man doesn’t see you as a long-term option

1. You feel that he’s out of your league (ie. significantly higher than you in terms of his desirability to the opposite
sex).

2. You get the impression that he just isn’t as excited about the relationship as you are.

3. You feel that you’re having to chase him and work extra hard to keep his attention.

4. The relationship lacks chemistry and spark.

5. He often seems distant to you such that you’re not able to communicate with him as you would like to (be careful
though to make sure that this is not just a personality type issue).

6. You don’t feel that you’ve ever established a deep emotional connection with him.

7. He rarely, if ever, talks about or refers to events which would convey having future with you (ie. things like
getting married, having kids, buying a house, and a dream vacation). If he’s always just talking about the now, this is
a good sign that he only sees you as being in his life now, but not tomorrow. Also, be alert if he’s not keen to discuss
these topics when you bring them up.

The first three signs indicate that there may be asymmetry in the relationship. That is, you are more interested in him
than he is in you, and you’re more invested in the relationship (especially from an emotional perspective). A strong
relationship requires a high level of symmetry over time, such that each of you values the other to a relatively
similar degree (eg. you are each other’s soul mates).

But be very careful that you are not misreading the situation regarding any perceived asymmetry in the relationship,
due to your own insecurity and neediness (which ultimately have their roots in low self-esteem). The reason I say
this is that insecurity and neediness could turn any fears you have about your man leaving into a self-fulfilling
prophecy, since they are high up on the list of things that will cause a guy to put the brakes on a relationship and
eventually pull out.

Sign four is a major issue for a relationship of only relatively short duration (eg. one that has existed for under two
years). It indicates that your man has lost his gut-level attraction to you (or never had it in the first place) – which is
very important for a relatively new relationship.

Signs five and six both speak of issues to do with emotional connection, while seven is a strong indicator that he
doesn’t see a future with you – arising probably from the other signs.

I suggest that when considering whether such signs are present in your relationship that you look for at least two of
these (preferably more). One in isolation could just indicate that your relationship is going through a tough period
(which all relationships do from time to time) or that your man has other issues in his life unrelated to the
relationship. For example, he could be having a difficult time at work or he might be suffering from depression.

If however, you can’t identify any signs such as those I have mentioned, there is probably no reason to worry about
being some man’s “fill-in” option until he finds the real woman of their dreams.
32. Why do men always try to solve problems on their own – why don’t they talk about them
and ask for help?

One thing that women often wonder about men is why they always try to solve problems on their own rather than
talking about them, asking for help, and working together with others to find solutions. After all, that is the “female
way” to go about it which women are well used to.

Men have garnered a reputation for retreating into their “caves” and freezing out those close to them (especially
female partners) when there are big issues that are troubling them (ie. they won’t share what is going on and open up
about their feelings). They also refuse to ask for directions when they are lost, and often won’t go to the doctor until
they’re just about dead.

The reason for this range of behavior is that part of being a man is being independent, self-sufficient, strong and in
control. But asking for help is viewed as an admission of dependence on others, weakness and of not being in
control – which conveys being incompetent and less of a man.

This matters to a man both in terms of his own self-image (seeing himself as masculine and competent) and how
other people perceive him. If he projects a poor self-image or other people come to regard him as not being fully
competent, they’ll lose respect for him as a man – which will lower his social standing in the group.

How he’s viewed by others is particularly important when he is trying to attract women as it is well known that
psychologically women look to the opinions of “the group” in deciding whether to be attracted to a man or not.

If a woman is part of a group which gives a man a lot of approval and respect then there is every chance that she’ll
feel something for him (which is the primary reason that gorgeous young women throw themselves at rock stars –
even ageing and physically unattractive ones). However, if a group regards a man as being of low status, women
will largely ignore him – even if on the inside he is really a great guy with many positive qualities.

Furthermore, when a man has a girlfriend or wife it is still very important that he doesn’t convey weakness and
incompetence to her by talking about his problems and asking for help. He unconsciously fears that if he does, she’ll
lose respect for him as a man and confidence in his ability to lead her.

As a result, it is likely that she’ll start offering unsolicited advice and “help" in a variety other situations, when it is
not needed. For example, the two of them are driving in a car to a particular destination and the woman tells him,
“Take a right here.” (when he already knows exactly where the place is) or, “Watch out for those kids!” (when he
has perfectly good eyes of his own).

Men hate this behavior as it conveys the idea that she thinks he’s not fully competent and needs help – implying that
she doesn’t regard him as fully masculine and lacks respect for him (remember that respect is one of the four things
that men most want from a woman).

Even though a woman might genuinely love a man and believe that she’s just trying to be helpful, it can feel very
emasculating to a man when she acts in this sort of way. It chips away at his self-image (how he sees himself) and
therefore his self-esteem (how he feels about himself), in that what he hears is that his woman doesn’t regard him as
being fully a man – which hurts.

Furthermore, it damages the amount of masculine-feminine polarity in the relationship, since the woman is less
receptive to his leadership and now attempts to lead him instead (ie. she becomes more masculine, while he is more
feminine).

Men respond to this by trying to prove their competence, doing everything they can to solve their problems on their
own, and making absolutely sure that they don’t ever ask for help again (so as not to encourage their woman to
question their competence and masculinity in the future). Often they would rather drive around aimlessly for hours
on end than admit that they don’t know where they’re going and ask someone for directions.

[For some suggestions on how to get men to open up about what’s going on in their lives and share their feelings
more, refer back to Chapter 1: Why do men lie to Women? (part iii)]

You might come to the conclusion that this sounds extremely insecure and that men have really got some serious
issues going on if this is how they think. In a way, I tend to agree with you. But at the same time don’t forget that
women have got a lot of stuff going on too!

For instance, if your man started to give you unsolicited advice about how you could look more attractive (eg. “You
need to go to the gym and burn off about 15-20 lbs.”) when you’re already putting in a lot of effort to look your best,
I’m sure that you wouldn’t be too happy about it. More than likely you would feel quite angry at him, less feminine
(since he questioned your attractiveness), and less positive about yourself overall.

And even if you did ask him the DREADED “Do I look fat in this?” type-question, you would never be expecting
him to say anything other than “no” – even if he does think that you look fat in that outfit.

The reality is that you actually want him to validate you as being attractive and feminine so that you can feel better
about yourself and silence those nagging self-doubts. This is why you might employ this sort of reverse psychology
approach – which to men comes across as insecurity.

The bottom line though is that each gender has their own specific issues that they struggle with, which at face value
seem incredibly stupid to the other.

But when we look to the underlying reasons for these issues we can often get a much better appreciation for the
other’s struggles and come to a place of mutual respect and understanding, where we can proactively build each
other up.

For example, you tell everyone about your amazing husband despite all the mistakes he makes (and never remind
him of them). And he introduces you as his lovely wife to others, and keeps telling you that you’re beautiful long
after you’ve lost your youthful good looks.

Does that sound fair? Great!

33. Why do men hate “nagging” so much?

You are probably aware that one of the biggest complaints men have about their female partners is of nagging. But a
lot of women either have no idea that they are actually nagging or would not consider what they’re doing to be
nagging.

So what constitutes nagging in the eyes of a man?

Men define “nagging” as being anything along the lines of:

i. Giving him unsolicited reminders about certain tasks which he’s agreed to do (or you’ve asked him to do)

For example:

“Remember to pick up the bread on your way home.”

“Don’t forget to pay the electric bill – remember that it’s due tomorrow.”

In this sort of “nagging” women often genuinely believe that they’re just being helpful in giving men reminders
such as these. Or, they’re worried about the consequences if their man forgets and want to ensure that he doesn’t.

But be aware that men do not appreciate such reminders, even if they’ve completely forgotten about the task in
question. It implies a lack of trust in them and some lack of respect for them – which are two of the four things that
men most want from women (as I mentioned much earlier in this book).

ii. Asking him whether he has completed certain tasks

For example:

“Have you put out the trash yet?”

“Have you booked our flight to _________ yet?

In such a case, women will often argue that they only do this because their man is forgetful or has a proven record of
not taking his responsibilities seriously. But again, a man sees this as a lack of trust and respect for him. Even if he
has completed the said task, he will still be annoyed that the question was actually raised.

Furthermore, a major aggravating factor in this type of nagging is scolding him when he confesses that he hasn’t
completed the task in the time expected.

For instance, “I’m very disappointed in you that you can’t even do a simple thing like this without me continually
reminding you about it. It would be much easier for me to just do it myself. At least that way I know that it’s
actually done”.

When she scolds him in this sort of way the lack of trust and respect is amplified, while his feeling of being
approved of and appreciated effectively disappears.

This means that all four of the things which he most desires from her are lost when he is checked up on and then
scolded for poor performance. The result is that at this moment he would find her utterly repulsive and wouldn’t
want to be around her.
iii. Confronting him when you find evidence that he hasn’t completed certain tasks

This is a variation on (ii) in that instead of asking your man whether he has completed a task, you independently
find evidence to establish the fact that he hasn’t. And when you find this evidence you confront him with it.

For example:

“Come over here and look at this … Look! … [long pause] Why won’t you ever pick your clothes up off the floor as
I keep asking you to? I’m not your mother, you know!”

“I see that you still haven’t fixed the gate outside as you said you would by Saturday. Why not?”

In this case, a woman will argue that she’s legitimately holding her man to account for not keeping his word, and in
such a situation it is hard for her not to get angry – especially if he gets defensive.

This is probably true, but it is also going to cause him to lose his feelings of being approved of, respected, trusted
and appreciated by her – which will greatly affect how he feels about her. No amount of attractiveness (physical or
otherwise) can compensate for this sort of negative feeling toward her.

iv. Trying to pin him down as to when he will carry out certain tasks if no deadline has been set for their
completion – often when you receive a negative answer to (ii)

For example:

“When are you going to change the oil in my car like you said you would?”

Unfortunately, such an attempt to pin your man down can snowball into a major issue in the relationship. This is
because he may be unwilling to commit to a particular time and as a result he might become either vague, evasive,
or passive-aggressive with you.

This would then likely cause you to get angry and keep nagging him periodically – which will cause him to resist
even more as he feels the great loss of approval, respect, trust and appreciation from you.

***

Why do men hate nagging so much?

To a man, nagging is an attack on his masculinity – especially since masculinity is highly rooted in competence.
That is, if a man is not considered competent overall, he isn’t really a man.

When the woman he is closest to in life nags him, she is either implicitly or explicitly (depending on which type of
nagging she’s using) challenging his level of competence – which has the effect of undermining his feeling like a
man.

This challenge to his competence is reflected in him feeling her loss of trust and respect (and sometimes approval
and appreciation – depending again on the type of nagging).

A man will usually respond to feeling less of man (as a result of being nagged) in one of three ways:

i. Actively

In the active response, he might get angry at his woman and try to intimidate her into dropping her case against him.
He could also withdraw from her to some extent, depending on how persistent she is with her nagging. And there is
the danger that this withdrawal might become permanent if he meets someone else who gives him back the four
things he needs from a woman (ie. approval, respect/admiration, trust, and appreciation) – which in turns makes him
feel like a man again.

Alternatively, some men will respond by quickly doing what their woman wants them to do in order to hopefully
win back her approval, respect, trust and appreciation. This is usually the scenario which women are hoping for
when they nag men.

However, there is a big “but” to this. This is that their desire for her will diminish to some extent every time that she
does nag them into compliance, as they sense her becoming more of the masculine leader in the relationship and
themselves the feminine follower.

That is, when a woman continues to nag her man, the natural masculine-feminine polarity that causes them to be
attracted to each other is eroded progressively over time. Forcing him into compliance therefore comes with a big
price if you value the relationship and want it to continue into the foreseeable future.

ii. Passively

The second main way that a man might respond to his feeling less of a man as a result of nagging, is passively, by
just accepting it and taking it on board. He neither tries to avoid or oppose this feeling, and thereby becomes
somewhat of a victim.

If he responds in this way he won’t feel as good about himself and he could even become a bit depressed. A man
needs to feel fully masculine in order to be completely happy and operate at his best in life.

In addition to this, there is every likelihood that he will become accustomed to being treated as less of a man in his
life – a doormat for everyone to walk over, and this becomes part of his identity.

Obviously, such a man would not be very attractive to most women and this is the point: when you beat a man down
and emasculate him (by asserting your masculine side over him), the masculine-feminine polarity between the two
of you is destroyed over time so that you won’t be attracted to him and he won’t be attracted to you any longer.

iii. Passive-aggressively

The third possibility is of a passive-aggressive response which might involve covertly resisting his woman’s attempt
to get him to do the task in question, for example, by intentionally forgetting to do it as punishment for nagging him.

But this can be very destructive to a relationship as it creates cycles of anger and resentment on both sides –
especially considering that she is likely to nag him even more when he fails to comply with her requests.

This way of responding gives a man back some degree of his manhood because he feels more competent and manly
when he successfully opposes his woman and her demands.

So if you aren’t allowed to “nag” what should you do if your man is inherently unreliable?

At this point you’re probably wondering what you’re meant to do if your man is inherently unreliable, but you aren’t
allowed to nag. After all, it’s not fair that you just have to accept a man’s lack of responsibility, say nothing about it,
and do everything yourself, is it?

I actually have a lot of empathy for women who are in relationships with men who are irresponsible and
inconsiderate to them in the ways we’ve being discussing here. In truth, there are a lot of men who are like this and
they probably do need to be nagged because they haven’t grown up yet.
Possibly they had mothers who did everything for them when they were young and then they naturally just assumed
that this was going to continue on when they got into adult relationships with women.

But whatever the case, the fact remains that in not fully discharging their responsibilities and thereby proving
themselves unreliable, they are not standing up as men and therefore don’t deserve to be treated as proper masculine
men. Neither do they deserve to enjoy the kind of approval, respect, trust and appreciation that a “real” man does.

By abdicating their responsibilities as men, they have forced their woman to stand up in their place and take over by
doing things like giving them reminders, checking on their progress, and confronting them when tasks don’t get
completed on time ie. “nag” them.

Unfortunately, with such men you are often damned if you do and damned if you don’t. You can’t actually win
because if you keep nagging them they’ll resist your attempts to gain compliance from them and eventually come to
resent you. But if you don’t nag them they’ll continue to be irresponsible and unreliable – meaning that you’ll get
angry and start to resent them.

My biggest piece of advice therefore is that you screen men thoroughly before you let them into your life. In other
words, test them fully and make them prove themselves responsible and reliable first.

Look for men who are excellent about fulfilling their commitments and responsibilities, and honoring their word.
Ideally, they will also take the initiative by assuming responsibilities in the first place, rather than trying to avoid
them and forcing you to assign tasks. This is how a high-level masculine leader typically behaves.

When evaluating men, one important thing to keep in mind is that some personality types are detail-oriented and
others are not. Therefore some men will have memories like a tape-recorder, while those of others will be more like
a sieve.

If a man does have a memory like a sieve you can’t really blame him for this as it is beyond his control. But if he is
responsible and organized he’ll recognize this weakness and compensate for it by having some kind of personal
reminder system (eg. a notebook or pocket calendar) whereby he records important events and responsibilities so
that he doesn’t forget them.

Unfortunately, most men who are inherently forgetful won’t go down such a route and therefore they’ll continue to
disappoint you and force you to nag if you get into relationships with them.

I think that it’s therefore wise that you make an effort to discover what type of man you’re dealing with very early
on and if you think that he’s going to annoy and frustrate you it is probably best not to get involved with him.

Furthermore, don’t make the fatal mistake of a lot of women which is to think to yourself, “He isn’t reliable and
responsible yet – but I will be the one to change him!”

You won’t. Believe me, you won’t! All that you’ll do is create a lot of unnecessary drama in your life.

In addition to this, you’ll probably train yourself into being a compulsive nagger, such that if and when you later get
into a relationship with a man who does prove himself to be reliable and responsible, you won’t be able to stop
yourself from giving him unnecessary reminders, checking up on him, and trying to organize him etc.

In other words, you’ll annoy the heck out him with your nagging and sabotage the relationship. It is especially
insulting for a man who has proved himself trustworthy to still not be trusted by his woman.

Finally, if you’re already in a relationship with a man who you feel the constant need to nag because of his lack of
reliability and responsibility, I have a valuable tip for you also. If you love this man and still want to be in the
relationship with him, I suggest that instead of nagging him you sit down with him and have a serious talk about this
issue.
Explain first that you recognize that you have a problem with your tendency to nag and that you would like him to
help you with this issue. This humble attitude should get him in a constructive, problem-solving mentality, rather
than a defensive mindset which prevents him from hearing what you have to say.

Now tell him that your problem relates to your feelings that you can’t trust him to fulfill his responsibilities and
keep his word. It is really important that you refer to your feelings (which can’t be denied by him) rather than
omitting this bit and saying something highly judgmental like, “The reason I have a tendency to nag is because
you’re irresponsible and unreliable.”

If you say the latter, you’ll instantly cause him to go on the defensive (because he’ll interpret this as a direct attack
on him) and most likely the two of you will end up in a big argument where you each keep citing examples in which
the other did something wrong in the relationship. This is neither helpful nor constructive.

However, if you stick to how you feel it is far more likely (though definitely not certain) that he’ll remain in a
problem-solving and constructive mindset. Hopefully, you can both share your thoughts on the issue without judging
the other and come up with some mutually agreed solutions which will make the relationship better for the both of
you. If he genuinely loves you and wants you to be happy, you should expect that he’ll be willing to make some
concessions and try to accommodate you more.

Finally, there is one other thing that you must be careful of and this is that you don’t mistake the real issue as being
one of unreliability when it is really about unwillingness.

What I’m saying is that men will sometimes fail to do what you ask them to do because they just don’t want to do it
in the first place – not because they forgot. Their fault was really that they failed to communicate this to you at the
time because they didn’t want to have a big confrontation by directly refusing to do the task.

For example, your husband might be happy with clothes on the floor and see no reason to take them off the floor
until he needs them again or they’re ready to be washed. He therefore ignores your demands to pick them up and
hopes that you’ll eventually give up trying to get him to do so.

In this case there needs to be a negotiation on agreed standards and practices in the relationship, rather than on him
being more reliable. And the solution is not likely to be a situation where either of you completely gets your own
way. There has to be a bit of give and take on both sides in order to reach a satisfactory outcome for everyone. After
all, it is a relationship, not a dictatorship.
34. Why are men so interested in sports (especially watching them)?

Here’s an interesting one: why are men so interested in sports*, especially watching them?

Why are they so fascinated with watching a bunch of other guys (who they don’t even personally know) run around
hitting balls, kicking balls, throwing balls and tackling each other?

Couldn’t they do something more productive with their time, such as reading a book, doing some work around the
house, or spending some quality time with their wife or girlfriend?

It can drive a woman crazy when her man sits down in front of the television and watches sport for a large part of
the weekend. Equally, it can be frustrating when the only thing he seems to get really excited about is securing
tickets to some big game which he plans to attend with his buddies.

The reason men do these things is that being the predominantly masculine creatures that they are, they get energized
by quests to achieve lofty goals. And the path to achieving such a goal (ie. facing adversity and overcoming
challenges) is probably more stimulating to them than actually getting there in the end. It brings a man into his
primal state.

Along with things like chasing after women and riches, sport fulfils extremely well the criteria for what makes a
man truly feel alive, especially given the fact that there is usually a point-scoring system and a scorecard which one
can look to in order to objectively determine how well they are currently doing.

Sport is a very masculine activity in that it involves highly masculine ways of thinking and behaving. For instance,
winning in a team sport usually requires good strategy and tactics, leadership, teamwork, boldness, courage,
aggression and resilience.

Men specifically like playing sport because it creates the kind of challenges that don’t really exist today outside of
active service in the military. Winning and losing a game can feel like life and death. And any time that your life is
on the line your sense of awareness is greatly heightened, contributing to an enhanced feeling of aliveness.

Furthermore, the challenges of sport bring men back to their youth when being successful in this area often meant
the difference between being “popular” and not, as we discussed in the introduction to this book. Playing well and
winning allowed one to advance themselves socially. Even years later, I believe that there’s still something in every
man that craves the opportunity to be mobbed with attention when he beats the buzzer and sinks the game-winning
basket, or he hits the ball right out of the park, for example.

On the other hand, the reason why men like watching sports is that they get to enjoy many of the benefits of actually
being out there playing the game, but without the costs involved – such as the preparation required (ie. training) and
the risk of becoming a casualty (ie. getting injured).

Men who watch sport project themselves into the role of the players and imagine being out on the field and part of
the action. It is very similar to movies how we (both men and women) project ourselves onto the characters we
identify with (usually one of the main ones) such that we become them for the duration of the movie, see life
through their eyes, and develop as a person along with them.

The other advantage of projection through watching sport is that men stack the deck in their favor in regard to
winning. They want to feel like winners, so what they do is chose a team to support which has a very good chance of
winning the major championship of that particular sport.

When their team does well they get to feel great about themselves – since in their minds they were part of the team
and feel entitled to claim the success as theirs (“We won!”). However, when their team starts losing they’ll often
dissociate from that team (“They lost!”) by either choosing another team to support or ceasing to follow that sport
for a while, to avoid feeling like a loser.

It can of course become unhealthy if a guy spends too much time effectively pretending that he’s someone else in
order to feel more like a man (especially if he gets fat doing so!). Yes, men may become inspired when they see
other men fighting the good fight, but they also need to fight their own battles which arise from their own individual
life purpose.

So what should you do about it if in your opinion your man watches too much sport?

Well definitely don’t tell him what I’ve just told you – that sports are effectively a form of escapism from the real
world – and try to shame him into “manning up” and living a life of his own. He won’t appreciate that and may start
to resent you.

It is far better to encourage the things which are better uses of his time, not only in terms of what you want him to
do but what is going to good for him in the long run.

So if he tells you about something he’s always wanted to do such as running a marathon or starting a business, just
tell him to go for it, that you believe in him and that he has your 100% backing. For one of the roles of a feminine
woman is to encourage her man to chase after his dreams and to live out his purpose, but not push or lead him into
doing so.

Ideally though, it is best to choose the sort of man who already has some level of self-belief and motivation in the
first place. If not, it will be very difficult to encourage him to live with purpose.

* Video games fit into a similar category to sports for men, with the exception that playing video games is more
active than passively watching sports – either on television or at some sports stadium. Even so, like sports, video
games are no substitute for actually living life out in the real world.
IV. Conclusion

In conclusion, we’ve looked at a number of important areas regarding how men think and why they do what they do.
If you’ve read through the entire book you should now be beginning to gain a clear picture about men, their
motivations in life and the struggles they have to face in order to achieve the things that they most desire.

Hopefully what you are starting to see is that at the deepest level men are just like you and all other women. Men
want to feel safe and secure, be happy, and achieve ultimate fulfillment in life. They just have different ways of
reaching these same objectives.

A lot of your misunderstandings about men probably relate to the fact that they start at a different place to you and
their path to safety/security, happiness and ultimate fulfillment is not the same as yours. As a result, when you
compare how men and women act in similar situations you’ll likely find men baffling at best and wicked at worst.

However, instead of labeling and making judgments based on the differences you find, I strongly suggest that you
make a decision to accept men just the way they are and focus on trying to understand why they are the way they
are.

Understanding is a key component of romantic relationships and every relationship we have as adults for that
matter. The more that we understand another person (or more to the point, the more they feel understood by us), the
closer they feel to us. For everyone wants to be understood and accepted for who they truly are.

Once you understand men and their motivations, and can categorize how they act in certain situations and what
these actions mean, you should be able to predict their behavior and even influence them to act how you want them
to act (eg. become attracted to you, love you and commit to you).

I am not talking about manipulating men here, but giving them what they want so that they give you what you want
from them in return. That is how life works – give and you will get.

Of course, you shouldn’t expect that things are going to change overnight regarding your success with men in dating
and relationships. Change will take some time as you integrate the lessons you’ve just learned into your life.

My recommendation is that you re-read this book at least 2-3 times in the next few months so that you internalize
the main points into your mind and consciousness.

Along with this, it is absolutely essential that you also get out there and apply what you’ve learned – which is
actually the best way to ensure that you never forget it and achieve maximum results.

Therefore, if you’re currently single and looking for a man, you should go out and meet a lot of men – especially
those you’re attracted to. This will give you the opportunity to hone your skills with men (ie. learn on the job) and at
the same time move toward the kind of relationship that you desire.

And if you’re already in a relationship that you want to deepen and move toward greater levels of commitment, take
the lessons that apply to you and use them on your man when appropriate. You’ll find that he makes much more
sense than before and will be far less resistant to giving you what you want and need from him.

After you’ve read this book several times as I’ve suggested, use it as a reference guide whenever you have a “man
problem”, such as when a guy does something you don’t expect or understand. I believe that in some form or
another, the answer to your question will lie somewhere within these pages.

There might not be a specific chapter dedicated to your individual issue, but at the very least the introduction to this
book (which covers the deepest desires of men) should shed some light on what you’re struggling with.
Finally, if you would like to speed up your progress with men and shorten the time it takes to reach your ultimate
relationship goal (eg. marry the man of your dreams), I recommend that you check out my others books and
resources which cover success with men from different angles:

“What Men Want: The Essential Guide on How to Attract Men … and Keep Them!”

“What Men Want” is my foundation course for attracting men and gaining lifelong commitment from them. This
offers the big-picture perspective on exactly what men are looking for and how you can be this sort of woman right
now – regardless of how physically attractive you are.

In this book, we go through the 10 most important qualities that men seek in a woman and talk about how you can
embody them to the greatest extent possible. When you successfully integrate these things into your life men will
suddenly start noticing you in a big way.

In addition to this, we discuss how to navigate your way through the three main stages of success with men so that
you can move from lonely to being loved as quickly as possible:

1. How to find, meet and “hook” the man you want

2. How to make him fall in love with you and want to commit

3. How to please your man and keep him interested over time so that his love for you grows stronger, rather than
dissolving.

Click here to check out “What Men Want”:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00701T152

“Why You’re Still Single: The 7 Deadly Mistakes to Avoid With Men”

“Why You’re Still Single” looks at the 7 biggest dating and relationship mistakes women make with men which
almost ensure that they remain single.

If you are currently single and either struggling to get dates or turn them into the relationships you want, it is almost
certainly not because you’re too old, you’re not pretty enough or any of the other common “excuses” which women
tend to come up with, such as that men are only looking for sex.

There are other reasons why you’re still single, which are common to most women who are struggling to get the
guys they want. You need to identify these things and cross them off as quickly as possible if you want to find the
man of your dreams and make him yours in the near future.

In this book therefore, I help you to diagnose the issues which are preventing your success with men and show you
how to solve them in an easy, straightforward manner.

Once you’ve been through this course, you’ll be ready to meet your Mr Right and draw him to yourself.

Click here to find out more about “Why You’re Still Single”:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B009KSCCCC

“Make Him Yours!: 30 Sneaky Tricks & Tactics to Get the Guy You Want”
Finally, “Make Him Yours!” builds on the foundation that we’ve already created by arming you with a set of highly
actionable tricks and tactics which will enable you to attract the man you want and make him yours forever.

In short, this is a very practical “how to” program which offers the best techniques to actually attract an amazing
man out in the real world and then draw him into commitment with you, while still maintaining both your femininity
and your dignity.

When you apply what I’m going to show you in this course, you will no longer have the problem that the men you
most want just don’t show you any attention. They will now be motivated to get off their butts and start pursuing
you madly, with only a minimum amount of extra effort on your behalf.

And in case you’re worried about what this involves, please be reassured that I’m never going to get you to tell a
guy that you like him, ask him out, or risk any kind of open rejection. Everything I’m going to ask you to do is a lot
easier, far more fun and it really works in getting the guy you want!

Okay, to find out more about how to “Make Him Yours!”, please click on the link below:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00AYPW0IQ

Bonus Report Offer: “How Men Evaluate Women”

Also, as a thank you for reading “How Men Think”, I would like to give you a bonus report called, “How Men
Evaluate Women: The Honest Truth from a Dating Coach Who Asked”.

This report will provide you with some more valuable insights into what men are looking for, both in and from a
woman.

Click here for more details and to grab your free copy of this report (if you haven’t done so already):

http://attractmeneasily.com/how-men-evaluate-women-hmt/

Finally, please leave a quick review of my book on Amazon and say what you think about it (positive or
negative). It helps other people to decide whether to buy it, and gives me feedback that I can incorporate into a
possible second edition and future books that I write. To see how easy it is to write an Amazon review, check out
this 52 second YouTube video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lx_QT6mVK3M

Also, could you send me your success stories from applying the material? (james@attractmeneasily.com) I love to
hear about these as they are a big encouragement to me. Thanks.

I wish you every success with men and your life in general!

James Taylor