by the same author neil labute thas plas rhe bistanen PROM HERE the shape of things ‘ome cits) servenplays ff ‘faber and fabercharacters evelyn adam jenny phillip setting a liberal arts college in a conservative midwestern town author's note the / in certain lines denotes an atcempt at interruption or overlap by a given character A MUSEUM silence. darkness. a young woman stands near a stretch of velvet rope. she-has a can in one hand and stares up at an enormous human sculpture. after a moment, a young man (in uniform) steps across the barrier and approaches her. ADAM you stepped over the line. miss? / umm, you stepped over EVELYN i know. / it’s ‘ms.’ ADAM okay, souy, ms., bus, abh EVELYN i meant to. / step over ADAM what? / yeah, i figured you did. i mean, the way you did it and all, kinda deliberate like. / you're not supposed to do thar. EVELYN i know. / that’s why i tried it... ADAM why?EVELYN to see what would happen. ADAM oh. well ... me, i spose EVELYN ADAM no, i mean, i'm what happens, i guess. i have to walk over, like i've done, and ask you to take a step back. could you, please? / step back? EVELYN and if someone doesn’t? / what then? ADAM you're not gonna step back? EVELYN no... i mean, yes, i probably will, but just for interest’: sake, what would you do if? ADAM im... . geez, i'm not sure. i've never had anyone not step back. i’ve only said it, like, four times, and every time they've done it. stepped back. EVELYN what if ’m your first? non-steppes, i mean, then what? ADAM hell, i dunno... i'm off in, like, ten minutes, i'd probably just stand here, make sure you didn't touch anything, EVELYN really? ADAM pretty much, yeah. i?d let next shift talk to you, kick you out or whatever EVELYN you wouldn't grab me or anything? ADAM nah, that’s too... you know. that’s a total hassle, you end up-rolling around on the ground, you'd probably sue the place, or me, and then .. . i'd get fired for doing my job. sctew that... (beat.) could you do that for me, though? EVELYN which, roll around on the ground or sue you? ADAM p back behind the line there... ?d appreciate it. EVELYN not realy. ADAM no, seriously, i would. i'd definitely appreciate it EVELYN i mean, ‘not really’ i'm not going to ADAM i thought you just said you probably willEVELYN yeah, ‘probably.’ i decided not to. ADAM hey, you're not gonna mess up my weekend with this, are you? EVELYN i wasn’t planning on it, but . . . i'm not completely against it, either. ADAM see, if you get all crazy, then i gotta write up a report and stuff, i'm here till six, six-thirty easy, and i have a second job to get to. EVELYN tonight? friday night? ADAM yep. right after this, at the video store EVELYN why would anyone work two jobs on friday night? ADAM . for money. EVELYN of course . .. sorry. (looks at hint again.) oh . . . ob, right! that’s where i. . . ?'ve seen you in there. you helped me once, i think, yeah? / with what? EVELYN uh-huh. / the picture of dorian gray .. . you fourd it in classics, not drama. / somebody'd misplaced it ADAM right, i remember that. /yes .. . behind cabaret. he ‘joel grey’ fiasco EVELYN yeah, you said you found it with dirty dancing once, too, or something ADAM i did, you're right .. . chat’s funny. EVELYN anyway, you helped me, that was nice ADAM thanks, but, you're not gonna return the favour, right? EVELYN you mean the. . .? she points back toward the velvet rope. apa yeah, no, sorry, i can’t. ADAM why is that? (pointing) it’s a pretty good-sized sculpture. you can see it just fine from thereEVELYN tcuthfully? i’m building up my nerve, and if i go back over, ill probably be a big wuss about it and take off . ADAM about what? the ‘wuss’ part, i mean EVELYN i was going to deface the statue. ADAM oh. oh ... (pointing) is that paint? EVELYN ADAM great... . from across the room, i thought you were maybe one of the cleaning people, i was hoping that was Jemon pledge or something they share a smile. paint’s not really a great thing to have in a museum, people’ll definitely take that the wrong way EVELYN how do they know which way to take it? ADAM i'm thinking outside would be the general direction they'd steer you with spray paint .. . why do you have that? EVELYN i was going to do something to the nude, mess it up oF « ADAM what, you mean, like, colour it or something? EVELYN iwas thinking more of painting a big dick on it, but whatever ADAM well, you could still colour it in . . . the dick. evelyn smiles at this. EVELYN tiue. it might look kinda weird ADAM oh, i think a graffiti penis is gonna be plenty odd already (beat.) so, right over the leaves there, or jst a free- floating nurnber? EVEL! probably anatomically correct. i mean, if you're gonna do it, why nor do it right? absolutely, and, would ‘why’ be completely out of the question here? EVELYN why the “dick?” ADAM uh-huh. i mean, since i basically have to jump you now if you lift that can up, i'd help with my reportEVELYN because i don’t like art that isn’t true ADAM ‘true’ what do you mean? EVELYN false art. i hate it other patrons drift past. they watch them go. ADAM no, i understand the words you've used there, although they're both pretty subjective: ‘art.’ ‘truth.’ exactly! that’s the beauty of art . . . it’s subjective. ADAM right, but see, i don’t know what you're referring to then. i mean, specifically . . . (beat.) didn’t oscar wilde say something like, ‘in art there is no such thing as a tuniversal truth . ..” or whatever? EVELYN yes. ... very good. ‘a truth in art is that whose contradictory is also true.’ right, but that’s an aesthetic i'm talking about practicalities. censorship. (she points.) this sculpture. it’s fake, it’s not real. therefore, false art . ADAM no, it’s a fornecelli, it definitely is. i read the little thingie there one time . EVELYN yes, but the leaf cluster isn’t. ADAM it’s not? / what is it, 2 pastie or something, like strippers have? EVELYN no. /it’s plaster . .. it was added by a committee who had complaints from local townspeople. / uh-huh. / they made a petition and got that put on, thereby removing its subjectivity as art. ADAM really? / i didn’t know that . . . when did they do this? EVELYN seven or cight years ago now, i think. before i got here, anyway. / see, they objected to his ‘thing.’ the shape of said it was too life-like, (beat.) it’s supposed to be ‘god, you know... that's what pisses "em off ADAM huh. / yeah... he’s not really supposed to have one of those, is he? EVELYN no, and i don’t know why . . . we're always calling him ‘the creator.’ (beat.} look at it, you can see the... . see right behind the grapes there, you can just see his. . ADAM grapes. yes. you're absolutely, huh. didn’t even cover him properly. shoddy craftsmanship! EVELYN i mean, if you're gonna do it, at least .ADAM exactly. do it right. (beat.) but why deface the thing? i mean, just out of curiosity. why not, say, knock the plaster off and expose his .. . you know . .. cluster if you're trying to EVELYN because. that’s so . . . expected. ahh . . .s0, you're a student, then, or is this just basic anarchy? EVELYN yep. student. me too. © yeah? what's your emphasi ADAM ummm . .. taking out school loans, primarily, but i do sit in on a few english classes. you're in art? EVELYN mmmm-hmmm. ma. / applied theory and crit apaM oh. / so, is this, like, a project? EVELYN no, i'm just getting started on my thesis project now. a big sorta installation . . . ‘thingie.’ ADAM that’s a good word, huh? ‘thingie.” EVELYN it is .. . (points.) anyway, this is only a pet peeve .. . ADAM thesis? you're graduating . EVELYN in may. ADAM “kay, i'm only a junior .. EVELYN huh. you seem older. ADAM well, i am, i mean, older than twenty, anyhow i worked for a couple years. made money. EVELYN not enough, though. still got two jobs ADAM don’t forget the school loans EVELYN right. so, basically, you're . . . fucked, ADAM yep. but at least i’m educated, so i comprehend that i’m fuckedthey stand there for a moment. adam checks his watch; evelyn shakes her spray can. EVELYN you're cute. i don’t like the way you wear your hair ADAM thank you. i think. . EVELYN no, you're definitely cute, but you shouldn't style it so much. your hair. just let it go ADAM kay. ll try that EVELYN your relief’s late yeah. typical EVELYN so, do you have to stay at your station until they spell you, or. ..? ADAM no, at punch-out time, i'm supposed to get down there and do it. they can really be pricks about that EVELYN you should go then ADAM right. yeah, i... can i call you? EVELYN what do you wanna call me? ADAM up. just up, right now. talk, maybe get crazy, take you to dinner . EVELYN okay. ahh . . . sure. (beat.) do they allow you to do that here? what, eat dinner? EVELYN i meant hit on the patrons . ADAM umm, no, they've got a pretty strict policy about that, too, actually. but - EVELYN ahh, the great equalizer. ‘but.’ ADAM exactly. ill take the risk EVELYN good answer, grasshopper. ADAM buh? EVELYN cung fu.’ on ty. remember when he was a kid? the old guy with the fakey contact lenses, and theADAM oh, right... sure. ‘grasshopper’ i don’t really watch much television . EVELYN ny brothers loved that show. (beat.) so, do you want a number? ADAM absolutely! (checks.) damn, i don’t have a pen. EVELYN me either. (thinks.) here . what? EVELYN the jacket. take it off for a second, ADAM oh, that’s, umm, EVELYN what? ADAM it’s my own . ..s not part of the uniform. it’s mine. EVELYN good. then you'll always have it on you . . . from the Tooks of it. adam follows her orders. evelyn lays the coat open or the floor, looks around, then uncaps the paint and sprays a phone number inside. - don’t worry, it dries quick. % apa thanks. okay, so, i'l... yeah. (he glances back.) good luck with the ..” nice to meet you. again. EVELYN you too. adam smiles at her, looks back again, walks off. evelyn is left alone. she turns back to the statue and staris shaking her paint can. the little ball bearings inside rattle lovedly,A RESTAURANT LOBBY adam standing with evelyn. be looks a bit different, not as bulky and he’s letting his hair go. same jacket under his arm EVELYN no, seriously. you have. ADAM yeah? EVELYN no question. ADAM i dunno. i think i still look . . EVELY you can definitely tell, you can. ADAM really? EVELYN definitely. plus, the hair. ../ bet you your friends say something. twenty bucks . ADAM well, i'm glad . .. fi mean, i can’t tell and so i figured... twenty bucks? EVELYN yes. that’s because you see ‘you’ every day. shower, getting dressed, that kind of thing. but .. . so do you, EVELYN, i don’t see you shower. or getting dressed ADAM no, i meant every day. so far, anyway, since we first went 0 EVELYN iknow, i'm kidding, ADAM oh. okay . .. (beat.) ?d like that, though. if you would EVELYN which? ADAM both if you want. either. anything, any moment i can get with you... dba’s what id like ask and you shall receive so, i'm asking, then, EVELYN so you shall be receiving then they share a brief kiss; be looks around self- consciously.ADAM p.d.a. public display of affection. i'm not used ro that EVELYN no? i don’t mind ADAM really? nah, whose business is it? ours, right? kiss if we want to, make love in the bathroom stall . .. who cares? ADAM 'd start with the management . . EVELYN yeah, but why should they? i mean... we're two adults, ADAM i think this is a bigger discussion than before jenny and phillip get here . .. /i mean, no, i'd love to have it with you, the discussion, and i agree, somewhat, but EVELYN whatever. /i understand . ADAM another time, we'll definitely discuss it. EVELYN another time . .. ?d rather do it, ADAM lemme go check the men’s room .... (he laughs.) amaze me. EVELYN i'm glad. (beat.) and you amaze me, you do. look at you! ADAM it’s just a little jogging, EVELYN no, it’s not. it’s not just that . . . you're running, you're eating better, are you still lifting? ADAM yeah... i mean, i didn’t today, but EVELYN that’s okay. ADAM no, i'm gonna . . . so, yeah, alright, its a whole routine thing, you're right EVELYN do you like doing it? ADAM honestly . . . no. i totally hate it! they lasigh, EVELYN so why would you ADAM because you suggested i. which is kinda pathetic, but true EVELYN you shouldn’t do something you don’t wanna do. 9ADAM yeah, you should, why not? if it’s for someone . .. i mean, i'm doing it for you. EVELYN it’s a life change. really right. EVELYN i gave you a couple ideas and you're changing your entire life. i'm very proud of you. ADAM thank you . .. (cockney) . . . "enry ‘iggins. EVELYN what's that? who's ADAM nothing, from a book. play, actually. EVELYN oh, (beat.) are you keeping your journal? it really does help yes. EVELYN will you let me read it? some time. EVELYN good. they stand for a moment. evelyn checks her watch. ADAM and what about you? EVELYN what about me? ADAM that’s what i mean . . . i don’t know. EVELYN what? ADAM nothing. i don’t really know anything about yor EVELYN yes, you do! i don’t. not really EVELYN what’s my name? evelyn, EVELYN where am i from?illinois, near chicago? EVELYN yes. how old am i? ADAM ummm . . . twenty-five, maybe. EVELYN that’s exactly right. almost twenty-six. sign? gemini, i think EVELYN the twins, yes. ADAM does that mean you have a split personality? no, it means i was born in june. ADAM oh, (beat.) and you're, what, a sculptress, right? an artist EVELYN yep. anything else you wanna know? ADAM yes... everything! EVELYN so ask then ADAM well . ... why are you always asking me questions if it’s no big deal. EVELYN because you make me curious . .. ’m a curious person. ADAM im curious, too, though! EVELYN like i said . . . so ask then. ADAM why do you like me? EVELYN what? ADAM me... why would you like me? i’m not anything, imean ... and you're so EVELYN don’t do that, okay? that’s the only thing about you i don’t like . .. what you see in yourself. or don't see. your insecurities. (beat.) do you like me? ADAM of course, you know ido. . EVELYN do i appear to like you? hmm? ADAM. it seems like it, yeah.EVELYN i do like you. do you think i'm smart? ADAM i think you're amazing .. . and you have a great ass. just thought you should know not part of my query, but thank you ADAM welcome EVELYN and do i seem to know my own mind? i mean, generally no question, EVELYN so, don’t you trust me, then, to know how i feel? ADAM yeah, no, you're right EVELYN don’t worry about why when what is right in front ADAM those’re very wise words from someone with such reat ass EVELYN (playfully) kiss me, grasshopper they start to kiss again as a young couple approaches. JENNY ah, ah, ah... p.da. PHILLIP ii don’t think anybody wants to watch you kiss, adam welll be eating soon. ADAM hey, phillip, hello! evelyn, this is phillip; and his fiancé jenny... thellos’ all round. pHILLir so, we should grab a table, and . . . (stopping to look) adam, what’s up with you? d’you lost weight? ADAM a little, maybe. no, he cut his hair ... or something. that’s it, right? ADAM umm, yeah. i mean, both, sort of. parent huh. okay, so, let's... . come on. jenny and phillip lead the way. evel stares at adam as they follow; he pulls a twenty out of bis pocket and places it in her hand.A LIVING ROOM adam and evelyn sitting on a couch. jenny and phillip in opposing chairs, everyone holds a drink. ADAM so, tell me this again, you're going to what? PHILLIP underwater. we're going to get married underwater ADAM you've gotta be kidding me! PHILLIP like those life magazine photos you see or whatever. seriously. JENNY we wanted to try something bold that oughta do it ADAM this is crazy, really. and, so, if we want to attend we have to PHILLIP get in the tank with us. you bet. JENNY no, honey, i thought we said PHILLIP we haven't, okay, no, we haven't settled tha: part completely, but JENNY my dad could never do that. i mean, my mom would try, she would, but dad... PurLLtr maybe people can watch from the glass window things or whatever, but i'd prefer if they came in with us (be drains bis glass, looking at adam.) ADAM that is nuts EVELYN i applaud you. i think it’s very PHILLIP (to evelyn) yeah, well, don’t expect my buddy here to follow in our footsteps. he’s the least adventurous person i know EVELYN really? PHILLIP absolutely! and the marriage thing? uh-uh, not gonna happen, sorry. i don’t know how many nights i listened to this guy say, ‘not me, man, i'm never getting hooked, no way, man EVELYN is that right? well, wellADAM listen, don’t encourage him. my room-mate doesn’t need any PHILLIP former room-mate . ADAM. | more encouragement. (beat.} i'm gonna look stupid in one of those wet suits. PHILLIP hey, let's not be a party-pooper here, my friend .. . this could’ve been you. adam laughs thinly; evelyn doesn’t understand. ADAM i know, i know PHILLIP right? EVELYN im lost. what's PHILLIP i stole jenny away from adam ADAM come on PHILLIP i did! (to jenny) didn’t i? JENNY no, you didn’t, stop being . .. (to evelyr) adam and i had a class together, but he never got up the nerve to ask me out. EVELYN is that true? something like that... JENNY four months we sat next to each other ~ i'm borrowing his pen, like, all the time, hint-hint ~ and he’s this total monk the whole semester . .. anyway, phil picks him up from class one day, sees me, and we went to the movies, that same night, PHILLIP i cannot tell a lie ... i've got the moves, god help me. god help all of us a collective laugh EVELYN well, like i said, i think it’s great. it’s really amazing, it is, to find anybody willing to take a risk today. to look a litle silly or different or anything. bravo! (zoasts.i to people with balls they all toast, even phillip with his empty glass, but he looks over at adam. adam blushes.‘balls,’ huh? yep, that’s my jenny jenny slaps him on the shoulder and blushes again. EVELYN you know what i mean. guts. that kinda thing . JENNY right. i got it. PHILLIP (coasting) ‘to balls, long may they wave they all smile and ‘mock’ drink again i'll tell you what took some balls, the museum thing, a few weeks back, with the . .. balls. you guys read about that?! i mean, adam, of course you did, you work there, but ~ evelyn, you hear about it? JENNY (whispering) the penis. . EVELYN (whispering) yes, i did. why are we whispering? Punter because you don’t say ‘penis’ in jenny’s house. but we're at my place now, and so we sing it from the eaves! ‘penis! pe-nis!!! ADAM okay, bar's closing, last call EVELYN fm an artist, so i didn't pate no, seriously, do you believe that shit? somebody with the gall to do that kinda bullshit on our campus?! that fucking burns me up ADAM we should probably get, umm PHILLIP what does that mean, anyway? ‘’m an artist?” EVELYN, it means nothing, really, just that i understand tke impulse PHILLIP you what?! ADAM evelyn, maybe we should PHILLIP, no, wait adam, i wanna hear... what ‘impulse? it’s called ‘vandalism.’ JENNY does anyone want dessert? phillip holds up a hand to hush the group. he turns back to evelyn. PRILLIP no, hold on, this is rich, go ahead . EVELYN just that . . . i don’t think it was just kids playing. i think it was a sort of statement, a kind ofPHILLIP +a statement? EVELYN, yeah, ido JENNY what kind of statement would that be? it was pornography EVELYN no, it wasn’t JENNY yes, it was Pomography is meant to titillate, to excite you. did you see a picture of what happened? PHILLIP we did, yeah EVELYN does a penis excite you? i mean, just any ol penis? PHILLIP you're funny. and that’s not the point. EVELYN its totally the point. . how about you, jenny, did you like what you saw? did it get you hot? PHILLIP this is, like, uncalled for, okay? all she said was . EVELYN i know what she said, why don’t you let her speak? (+o jenny) did you wanna say anything else? huh? okay, then . . . all i'm saying is that, in my opinion, it wasn't pornography, it was a statement. of course, that’s the beauty of statements, like art, they’re subjective. you and i can think completely different things and we can both be right . . . unless, and this seems quite probable, you just can't stand to lose an argument. quiet for a moment from the group. PHILLIP wow. the postgraduate mind at work ADAM fll help you gee dessert, jenny, if you want to JENNY i still don’t think that makes it a statement. it’s graffiti EVELYN what do you mean, it would be a huge statement . especially for a town like this. PHILLIP hey, some of us are from ‘a town like this,’ so may! should watch it. EVELYN well, we've all gotta be from somewhere PHILLIP what do you mean by that?EVELYN i mean, it’s a little college town in the middle of nowhere and purer one you chose, presumably EVELYN no, it chose me, actually. full scholarship. so, as i was saying PHILLIP you've got a real winning way, you know that? ADAM look, phil, it’s no big deal, ler’s just PHILLIP which ‘take back the night’ rally did you find her at, adam? EVELYN can i finish, please?! jesus, you're really the obnoxious type, you know that? (to adam) how long did you have to stomach this guy? everyone except evelyn sort of freezes on that one. ADAM evelyn. EVELYN anyhow, who knows what the person was saying by it, we don’t, but i think it was a gesture. a kind of manifesto, if you will PHILLIP (dryly) i don’e think a person’s dick can be a manifesto, uh-uh. you can write a manifesto on your thing, but your thing can’t be one... i'm sure i read that somewhere. EVELYN see? you're just trying to be PHILLIP i'm not trying to be anything! who the hell do you think you are, a few double dates and telling me anyzhing about who i am? un-fucking-believable! JENNY this is getting a little, ahh Paap adam, you can really pick "em. wow, man! ADAM look, it’s not, let's just forget the EVELYN you're not gonna take his side in this, are you? ADAM i'm not taking sides, i'm trying to get outta here with just a touch of dignity, olay? jesus JENNY i've got a test tomorrow, anyway PHILLIP ‘statement,’ she saystEVELYN, shut the fuck up, alright? just fuck right off .. . how would you know? i think she was making one, so that’s my opinion ADAM jenny, thanks for everything. phillip, i'll call ya, or whatever, but we're gonna PHILLIP yeah? how do you know it was a girl? ii don’t i didn’t say it was a woman, PHILLIP: girl, woman, whatever. you said ‘she,” how do you know that? EVELYN i don’t, i just said. it’s a guess. what it was, where it was placed, an educated guess PHILLIP you are not . .. she’s not trying to take a poke at my being an undergrad, is she? adam, tell me she didn’t just JENNY can we stop, now, please?! you guys evelyn, let's go ° PHILLIP hey, artiste .. . how'd you know it was a woman who painted the cock, huh? very, very suspicious there 36 EVELYN you are such a prick, man, how do you go on, day after day? (t0 adam) let’s go... (she rises, snatches up her things and moves toward the door.) adam? are you coming? ADAM i'm... yeah, but, just go. i'll meet you downstairs, i just wanna... go ahead, EVELYN kay. (to jenny) you're very sweet. good luck . .. i don’t think that’s gonna be enough, but i still wish it on you. she heads for the door and exits PHILLIP “good luck.’ hey, fuck. you! (to adam) where in hell did you meet that bitch?! / what'd she do, give you a haircut and a blow job and now you're her puppy?! / you don’t have to go at the museum. / no, i'm not her . .. (to jenuy) the wedding sounds great. really... it sounds... yeah. he wanders off. phillip and jenmy sit in silence. PHILLIP what?A BEDROOM adam and evelyn in bed. holding each other, staring o a video camera on a tripod nearby, EVELYN umm, nice. very. yes. EVELYN our bodies are beginning to understand one another Aan you'ee right, i mean EVELYN getting a rhythm, and less inhibited ADAM yep. he leans over and whispers something in ber eat a huge smile across her face. she turns and whispers back to him. they laugh and kiss for a moment. they hold one another. EVELYN (quietly) were you always like this before? so know ADAM shy? just about the fact that no one would sleep with me. that’s all come on ADAM seriously. you're only, like, i dunno, the third person i've EVELYN ADAM yes, i mean it. and they were both young. i mean, i was too, i wasn't, like, hanging out at a day care or anything, but ... it was during high school mostly. so... . you're sort of in uncharted waters here. EVELYN i don't wanna blow your cover but . .. i could kinda tell ADAM (smiling) yeah? well, that’s okay EVELYN and nobody here at school? ADAM nothing serious. dates. some close calls. but not anyone... you know. EVELYN, like jennyEVELYN you sorry you didn’t ask her out? i mean, if i wasn’t in the equation ADAM not really, we just never got the right . .. whatever. i sorta blew that one. anyway, it’s kind of weird talking about it’s okay. that’s nice to see, every so often. someone gallant ADAM which is medieval for ‘loser’... (beat.) i wanna tell you something ~ and this is not because we've been sleeping together or because you mentioned another girl, it’s not ~ i can’t stop thinking about you. i can't. i mean, it’s not like a stalker situation ... yet... . but i'm finding myself hanging out by your classes. following you . . ve noticed ADAM i figured, yeah. and taking my jacket off, like, thirty times a day and looking at your number. staring at it wondering if you're looking at my number. and writing your name on anything! all over my books. in my food. seriously, tracing your name in whatever i'm eating, i'm so whipped . .. you are dangerously close to owning me. EVELYN ADAM i just signed my relationship death warrant, didn’ i? what a dork EVELYN no, it’s sweet. (beat.) were you nervous tonight? i mean, about us with the nah, not really. a bit. EVELYN sure? ADAM yeah. it’s just... ler’s not watch it, okay? de we have to do that? EVELYN not if you don’t want to good. i don’t think i could get into that, actually .. EVELYN why not? it'd be fun . ADAM i don’t really need to see myself doing that. doing stuff, EVELYN see, i'm torally different. i chink everyone should see themselves doing it, and their friends should see it, too.ADAM and that’s why the tape’s gonna stay at my place she smiles at this, kissing him. EVELYN don’t be so frightened of everything. ADAM i'm not. not frightened, anyway. i just don’t think that’s a thing other people need to see. ever. my ass . EVELYN people like who . .. phillip? ADAM no, that’s fine, you can show it to him .. . (beat.) are you nuts?! EVELYN why is he your friend? do you really wanna go over that EVELYN i just don't get i ADAM what's to get? we were room-mates, we occasionally see each other, have a drink EVELYN i just don’t think you need that kind of person in your life. no one does, ADAM (mock-serious) . . . it may be a touch early to start dictating who my friends are. EVELYN (with charm) yeah . . . is’pose. ADAM geez, he really got under your skin, didn’t he? EVELYN, under. over. around. i hate that kind of guy ADAM what kind? EVELYN that kind. whatever he is, that’s what i ha ADAM ll let him know. EVELYN no, god, no, don’t give him the satisfaction. an¢ he'd take it, too, believe me. . . ADAM nah, maybe it'd help him, you know, be better .. . or something, EVELYN the only thing that would help him is a fucking knife through his throat they grow quiet for a moment. adam studies evelyn.ADAM okay, i'm glad i don’t have a pet rabbit or anything right now EVELYN (laughing) you know what i mean. ADAM ummmm, no, not really. XN i've just been around his type, thar’ all. and i don’t like yeah, i got that part . EVELYN no big deal. ADAM ‘ight, no, it was the ‘knife through the throat’ part that was the big deal, i thought EVELYN ob, that’s just an expression. ADAM from where, transylvania? she kisses him. EVELYN from the ‘scorned gir!’s handbook. ADAM ahhh. right... page 666 EVELYN {smiling} you've been peeking, you know wha: happens to peekers, don’t you? ADAM well, if they're d.j.s, they usually get asked to play ‘misty’ on the radio all the time EVELYN close. no, i'll show you . . . but you have to do me a favour, what's that? she starts to slip under the covers. EVELYN just smile. smile into the camera. for as long as youA PARK jenny waiting on a bench. sitting by herself. after a moment, adam appears. hey. adam, hi, hello. hi jenny thanks for coming, i appreciate it. ADAM of course. how’s it going? JENNY you know... okay. right. JENNY lots to do for a wedding. ll bet Jenny invitations to get out, arrangements to make air tanks to fll jenny laughs lightly, JENNY that too. ADAM so, you guys’re still going through with thae? JENNY that’s what we're saying what do you mean, ‘saying: yENNY no, we are, it's what we're doing, i'm just ADAM jenny, what? JENNY i don’t know. i'm, you know, worried. ADAM why? about what? jenny what do you think? phillip. he’s just ... i dunno, being funny, ADAM funny, how? like ‘telling jokes” funny or ‘making letter bombs’ fanny?jenny no, no bombs yet, but kind of... just funny. odd. (beat.) like, nice ADAM JENNY yeah, you know . . . sweet. now, i love him and all, i do, you know that, but that’s not the way i'd describe him to people. ‘sweet.’ would you? adam thinks for a moment. ADAM no, i wouldn't exactly use his name and ‘sweet’ in the same short story JENNY and that’s what’s bugging me. ADAM why, though? maybe he’s just JENNY i've only seen him like this once before, maybe twice. definitely once, when we were first going out and he was seeing somebody else, too. it was over, mostly, but he was still seeing her. remember that? ADAM yeah. i do, the ‘other’ one. JENNY the other jenny, exactly. id call and i could hear him freeze up, stop for a moment if he answered and i said, 8 ‘hey, it's jenny.’ he didn’t know what to do, so he'd get all sort of sweet and fish around slowly until he figured out if it was her or me. .. god, i used to hate that! ADAM 0, do you know anyone else named ‘jenny’ right now? JENNY no, i don’t mean that, not the name so much as the feeling . . . that sense that there’s someone else. ADAM nah. JENNY maybe i'm making it up, you know, my own insecurities and looking for a reason to not ADAM (smiling) . .. dive in? take the plunge? jump off the deep end? stop me before i JENNY cute... but yes. and that might’be it, but i dor’ think: so. i want to get married, i do, and i love the guy, whether he's sweet or not. it’s him now that he is ADAM well, you got me JENNY really? you don’t know anything, haven't felt that or ADAM i only see him, like, once a week in our survey course, 50 it’s not like i’m in the inner circle any more 49JENNY i know, i just thought that ADAM but i would tell you, jenny, i would, seriously. JENNY really ADAM i think so . ..i mean, that’s a lousy thing to pass on to a person, and if i did, you know, know something and then told you, you'd more likely hate me for ever than be grateful . JENNY yeah, that’s probably true ADAM ummm, you could lic, you know, feel free, JENNY no, you're probably sight . ADAM so, that doesn’t exactly make me want to come clean here ~ which i don’t have anything to come clean about, okay, honestly, i just mean, whatever ~ but i feel i would. ido, because i think you're pretty amazing, if the truth be known, and you're almost married so why shouldn't it be? the truth, i mean. thank you. ADAM not a problem. anyway, that’s all i know. which is, nothing JENNY “kay. i'm just being stupid. ADAM look, if you feel it, it’s not stupid jenny studies him bard. JENNY you're a lovely person, you know that? ADAM Jovely?” jesus, why don’t you just call me ‘gay’ and get i over with? JENNY hey, ‘lovely’ is nice... i wish there were a few more Hovely’ people in the world. i mean it, you are. (looks at him again.) and gesting cucer by the day. what is chat girl doing to you? ADAM lots . .. she’s amazing, really. JENNY what happened to your . .. are you wearing . .. adam, are those contacts? ADAM yeah, contacts.JENNY my god, this from the former ‘tape around the nose thing-y’ champion . ADAM that was only for a week, that one timel JENNY still, you've gotta admit ADAM i do, it’s amazing, i feel better JENNY better? you're, like, this totally hot guy now . . . (beat.) i always thought you were handsome, anyway, but i didn’t think you'd go in for the makeover thing. me either. who knew? jenny well, apparently she did . .. (beat,) you are still seeing her, aren’t you? ADAM ‘oh yeah. she’s you don’t hold udge, all she said that night at your . .. god, i couldn't believe that! JENNY it was great. no, truthfully, it was, phil needed to hear every word of that and he did, too. hear it, i mean. even said something after you guys left that night. not an admittance of guilt, exactly, but as close to one as we're likely to hear from the guy ADAM really, what'd he say? i'm amazed JENNY as was i... he put on quite the show ADAM (sarcastically) yeah, i remember vaguely . . . they both did. JENNY right, but later he said something like, ‘he could do worse.’ ADAM not exactly a seal of approval JENNY no, but a lot. for him. and after what she said ADAM you're sight. hub, JENNY hey . .. her middle name’s not ‘jenny’ or anything, is it? adam laughs at this. ADAM nah, no such luck, it’s ‘ann.’ evelyn ann thompson. nice, right? JENNY ADAM. JENNY ‘cat.’ those’re her initials, the acronym of her names. eat. hey, that's cute JENNY oh god, you're a goner. ADAM i know, it’s pathetic, isn’t it? JENNY yeah, somewhat .. . but lovely. aDam not that again be puts a hand up to hide his face. jenny grabs one o| his bands, studying it, | JENNY what che heck is this? what is this? ADAM what JENNY did you stop biting your nails? ADAM yeah, for, like, a month now JENNY don't tell me ADAM it’s true, she put some crap on them, slapped ’em out of ‘my mouth a few times and that was it. i stopped JENNY you have nails! this is crazy ADAM it’s no big JENNY ever since i've known you, three years now, your fingers’ve looked like raw meat... . anyway, awful. and now you just quit?! this girl is the messiah, ADAM i've quit before JENNY for, like, an hour! (beat.) i love this woman ADAM me too. JENNY yeah, i see that. wow she looks over at adam again. and you'd really tell me if you knew something? ADAM «i would. yes. JENNY kay. damn, when did you get so cute?she kisses him lightly on the cheek. they look at each other for a long moment. suddenly, they kiss. a real kiss, not a ‘great to see you, aren't we the best of friends’ kiss. after a moment, they shudder to a halt ADAM shit, yeah. hub, ADAM what was that all about? JENNY i dunno. i just... . i'm not sure. ADAM look, i'm sorry. JENNY no, don’t be. i am. i'm the one with the ring on ADAM yeah, good point. my friend’s ring. thanks for reminding me. JENNY welcome, ob, god... damn it! JENNY + + Ro, listen, it wasn't because of, you know, my worries or whatever, how i feel about phillip right now. it wasn't okay. JENNY it just . . - happened. JENNY right. i've wanted to do that for a long time . .. three years .. ADAM me too. (beat.) and now we take it out in the woods and bury it... don’t we? JENNY yeah. i mean, yes, definitely. i guess ADAM don’t you think? we have to . .. jesus, what’re we even talking about?! JENNY no, we do. ‘course. don’t you want to? ADAM bury it? JENNY yes ADAM no, we can’t talk about . . . don’t even say the... do you have a shovel in your car?JENNY idon’t, no... but i have my car, ADAM «my bike’s right over there, JENNY is it locked up? ADAM uh-huh, JENNY then it should be fine ADAM i suppose so. it’s a small town, after al jenny that’s what people say ADAM ood people. people we know and care about JENNY right (beat.) come on, we should go bury this, out in the woods they kiss again, then stand up slowly and walk o she puts an arm through his. oe A DOCTOR’S LOUNGE adam and evelyn sit on opposing couches, flipping through magazines. after a moment, he glances up and checks his watch. ADAM what time did they say? EVELYN like, ten-thirty and it’s ten-fifty now EVELYN no big deal, you always wait at the doctor's office. ADAM i know, i just have to be at work by twelve. EVELYN today? yeah, i told you that EVELYN no, you didn’t, ADAM idid. . i always work wednesdays. EVELYN really?ADAM yeah, every wednesday. EVELYN damn, i hope they it’s okay. i guess i could be a little late if i have to EVELYN sure? apa ub-hub. it’s alright ... i mean, they hate it but i can make something up, EVELYN we can go, ADAM no, i wanna do this. ido... (beat.) who wouldn't want to get their nose chopped off? come on! it’s not i'm kidding. no, i think you're right about it EVELYN it’s just shaving it ADAM yeah, that’s much better. ‘shaving’ your nose off... that settles the nerves. EVELYN you're only talking to them, anyway, that’s al ADAM i know, it’s just weird to think EVELYN people do it all the time. ADAM right, no, you're right, i just never imagined myself one of those people EVELYN i’m one of those people. would you ever've guessed that? ADAM what? you are not EVELYN bullshit. take a look ADAM where. ..? he moves over to her, studies her nose. {don’t see anything, EVELYN exactly. ADAM you had your nose done? honestly? EVELYN at sixteen, my parents’ birthday present 6thoughtful EVELYN no, i asked for it. i had this terrible hook. ‘the jewish slope,’ we called it in lake forest the only ski run for miles around! ADAM (smiling) i can’t believe it...i can’t tell EVELYN that’s the idea, isn’t it? ADAM yeah, but... you could be lying to me EVELYN and what would be the point of that? ADAM to get me in here, to watch chunks of my flesh get torn away ... you could be a sadist, for all i know EVELYN hey, quit sweet-talking me ADAM well, they did an amazing job. (beat.) wait a minute, your name’s ‘thompson,’ that’s not jewish EVELYN on my mother’s side, you dope. that’s what makes me jewish .. . her maiden name is ‘tessman.” ADAM oh. EVELYN we don't have to stay here, adam ADAM no, it’s alright, it just makes me a little jumpy EVELYN it’s cosmetic, not corrective .. . it’s no big deal promise ADAM if it’s cosmetic, why can’t i just put some powder on it or something, or shade it in on the side like they do for richard gere in photos EVELYN you mean, before? ADAM he had it done?! EVELYN take a look at amcricar gigolo and then at any picture of him today. i'm serious. lots of guys do it... :oel grey. ADAM okay, that’s it, let’s go EVELYN (laughing) kidding! what about sting? ADAM yeah, i knew he did. looked totally different in quadrophenia. i used to rent that video all the time, my ‘mod’ phaseEVELYN that must've been cute . . . (beat.) does he look berter now? sting, i mean? ADAM i suppose so . .. maybe it’s just all that yoga, though. EVELYN i think you'll look great. you have a good face, a nice shape to your nose, actually, but it’s just got that bit of. what? EVELYN .. bulb... at the end, nota bulb, exactly, but ADAM xno, i gor it, sort of the ‘rudolph’ effect. at least i can guide your sleigh tonight you can guide my sleigh any night. they look at one another, kiss. ADAM pda. EVELYN indeed ADAM shall i check the men’s room? EvELYN i dare you aban shut up! EVELYN i?m serious you're crazy EVELYN quite possibly. i still dare you ADAM what if they call us? EVELYN then they'll just have to wait, won't they? ADAM i suppose they would EVELYN can you afford to be late, that’s the question. will you take the risk . . .? ADAM is this, like, my last meal or something? a conjugal visit, before ?’m drawn and quartered EVELYN stop being so morbid . .. it’s just flesh. ADAM yeah, i see what you mean . .. “it’s just flesh,’ thae’s not morbid at allEVELYN it isn’t. its one of the most perfect substances on earth. natural, beautiful. think about it. ADAM i'd rather not. EVELYN oh come on... you've bitten more skin off from around your fingernails than a doctor would ever trim off your nose. ics true... ADAM yeah, buc that’s just EVELYN what? it’s the same thing. now, that grows back and this wouldn’s, but that’s about the only difference. (beat.) how did you get that scar on your back? ADAM which, the EVELYN yes. the raised one ADAM a kid, umm, threw a stick at me . . first grade. EVELYN stitches? ADAM yeah, thirty-three EVELYN and is that terrible? are you disfigured because of it ADAM well, i don’ like to wear tanktops EVELYN and you should be respected for that . ADAM (giggling) i'm serious ... it bugs me EVELYN okay, but why? because it looks ugly or because you think other people will think it looks bad? which? idunno EVELYN what's the matter with scars? not a thing . .. (pulls up sleeve.) look at these, see there? ADAM BVI scars . . . lots of little scars. you didn’t notice n before? ADAM yeah, i guess i did, but i didn’t think anything EVELYN sure, you did. of course you would, they're on my wrist. you know what they are . ADAM did you try toEVELYN xo, not really. i mean, i cut on myself a little, tried to get attention when i was a teenager, but i didn’t want to slit my veins open. or i would have - ADAM oh. EVELYN i'm a very straightforward person, ADAM yeah, i'm getting that EVELYN it’s the only way to be. why lie? ADAM you're right, EVELYN exactly, (beat.) so, is my arm unattractive to you, then, because of those, or not? tell me ADAM EVELYN are you lying? ADAM no, not at all, i love your arm, EVELYN love’ is a big word . ADAM i know that. that’s why i used it. i don’t throw it around, believe me EVELYN either do i, ADAM ilove your arm. it’s beautiful... (he takes hold of her sorist gently, kisses it.) EVELYN they're like rings on a tree. they signify experience make us unique. ican see that. EVELYN and that’s all this is, the idea of you having some surgery. it’s an experience apaM i know, it just makes me EVELYN what, nervous? of course you should be nervous, why not? it’s something you've never done .. . but that’s the adventure ADAM ‘i’ a fas, far better thing i do than i have ever done EVELYN something like that. is that from a book?ADAM yeah, dickens . fort EVELYN cael i don’t know about better, but at least another quick kiss. 80, are you gonna go check? ADAM what? ... you mean, the rest room? EVE uh-huh, cee ADAM ummm .. . okay. what if they call my n 2 ae +hat if they call my name, though EveL what if they do? XN ADAM (smiling) i smell trouble . . . which i may (oni is hich i may not be able to EVELYN just go. ADAM (standing) okay, why not? then i can show you something what? ADAM just a litle thing i had done. for you EVELYN wait, what... show me now. be looks around, can’t wait. he pulls open his pants and lets her glance inside. ADAM look . . . a big religious no-no. (pulls at his waistband.) nice, hub? EVELYN ‘eat.’ lemme guess . .. you couldn't afford the ‘me.’ ADAM no, you goof! your initials. like it? EVELYN (touching it) i do, i like it. and i love the gesture ADAM ‘love’ is a big word. EVELYN i know that, that’s why i used it... . (beat.) go check the handicapped’ stall, i'm suddenly very hungry he slips off, out of the waiting room. evelyn goes back 10 reading her magazine, when a voice calls out. voIce mx sorenson. adam sorenson, please evelyn looks up, glances toward where adam has disappeared but says nothing. she smiles. nA LAWN phillip and adam sitting on their jackets between classes talking. adam bas a bandage across bis nose. PHILLIP i'm serious, it looks good ADAM just shut up .. . don’t get here late and then make fun of PHILP no, you look distinguished ADAM phil, i look like a hockey player PHILLIP yeah, but a distinguished one. they chuckle, what'd you do, anyway? i fell. PHILLIP come on ADAM seriously, i did . PHILLIP you sound like a battered wife. ‘i fell ADAM that’s not funny. PHILLIP yeah, it is... it’s very funny. i mean, it’s not that funny that wives get beat up, but-the fact that you look like one, that i find hilarious ADAM well, anyway, that’s what happened. i tripped, i fell no big deal. PHILLIP sure it wasn’t the bathroom door? that’s the usual excuse for who? PHILLIP abused women ADAM you're sick PHILLIP somewhat, yeah. but i'm nice-looking, which makes up for a lot. ADAM not as much as you think . PHILLIP ‘don’t hate me because i'm beautiful.’ ADAM iidon’t... . i just hate you.PHILLIP see, i knew you did, all these years . . . (beat.) you really fell? ADAM yeah. i tripped on the stairs going into my apartment and caught my face on the . .. you know .. . the PHILLIP. no, what? ADAM oh, come ont! its not that fascinating PHILLIP it is, too. it’s completely fascinating. so, you don’t wanna tell me then, right? tell you what?! PHILLIP: what happened to your . ADAM i told you. i tripped going up the . .. and hit the edge of the . PHILLIP yeah, it's the ‘edge of that i'm a little hazy on here... ADAM edge of the knob. my door knob. PHILLIP she clocked you one, didn’t she? who? PHILLIP ‘who? the artist, formerly known as evelyn, or whatever her name is are you nuts? PHILLIP well, 've gotta hand it to her, she certainly made a ‘statement? ADAM you are such an idiot PHILLIP did she hit you? stop! puitup don't care if she did, i’m just asking ADAM yeah, well .. . you can be annoying. PerLLIP it’s one of my best qualities, actually ADAM and there aren't many of them. partir you really tripped? truthfullyPHILLIP huh, okay. ADAM why do you say that? ‘huh.’ you don’t believe me? PHILLIP no, i just... nothing, ADAM what? don’t do that, come on now. what? Pump it’s no big .. . (beat.) i saw your girlfriend the other day, maybe, what, last thursday? you weren't in class, and i said to her, i asked her if you were okay, that’s all ADAM. yeah, so? PHILLIP and she said ‘yes,’ but you were recovering from an operation or something what?! PHILLIP that’s what i said, the didn’t tell me about anything,’ and she said it wasn’t really an operation per se, just some thing you had done, a procedure. and that was it... so i just choughe no, it’s not punt hey, you don’t have to tell me, we're not on intimate terms or anything hurt it. really PHILLIP whatever. no, not ‘whatever.’ phil . . . i did. i hit it and, you know . . . i banged it pretty bad at home and so i had the doctor look at it. but he didn’t operate or anything. the bandage is from that. the door. PHILLIP after you tripped on the stairs . . . yeah, you told me she must've just gotten confused. PHILLIP maybe. that doesn’t seem to happen to her very often, though . .. she’s pretty sharp. ADAM no, she is . . . i'm sure it’s just the way i explained it i mean, to her . righe.ADAM and where did you see her? PHILLIP evelyn? i don’t know . . . starbucks or somewhere. the mall, maybe. ADAM she doesn’t drink coffee, PHILLIP so, it was downtown then, record city, i think . . . (beat.) what, you worried i'm gonna steal her? believe me ADAM no, god . . . don’t be so ... (touches nose.) anyway, it’s gonna be fine .. PHILLIP well, that’s good to heat: peur so you're okay, though? ADAM no. i mean, yeah, i'm great .. . absolutely, PHILLIP then good .. . (beat.) and you'd tell me if there was anything seriously wrong? ADAM of course! hey, what's up? PHILLIP i mean, we're friends, right? you'd come to me ADAM about what? (beat.) phil, what's PHILLIP jenny told me. what? adam looks at his friend. for the first time, pbillip seems less than in control. PHILLIP she kissed you. oh, PHILLIP she felt shitty, i guess. i could tell fos, like, a week that something was going on and finaily she told me about it. how you guys met and talked about us — why do girls always have to talk about everything? ~ and later she leaned over and kissed you. that’s what she told me. ADAM she did . .. i mean, she did do that but it was nothing, PHILLIP hey, it wasn’t nothing, she’s a good kisses. hell of a kisser ADAM i don’t mean ‘nothing,’ but it meant nothing. it didn’e hold meaning for us... it just happened. 9PHILLIP okay. s0, you can speak for her, then? ADAM for me... . it didn’t for me. it was just a... that’s all she said? PHILLIP, don’t tell me there’s more . ADAM no, god, not at all... i just. PHILLIP ies alright, 'd been acting weird lately, this whole marriage idea is just... freaky... so, it's my fault. ADAM right PHILLIP i mean, who gets married at twenty-two these days? right? it’s not the middle ages, for chrissakes .. . (beat,) i just feel bad . .. you know, for her. ADAM why? PHILLIP kissing you. .. that’s hideous! it’s what those new-age dumbshits would call ‘a desperate cry for help they laugh, catching each other's eye. ADAM sorry... PHILLIP ’s alright. it’s better than me having to kiss you . ADAM good point. PHILLIP no tongue, right? jesus PHILLIP ?m just asking ADAM no! please phillip looks at bis watch. well, i got a three-ten. you? ADAM nah . . i'm free. gonna go work out, PHILLIP : you and the ... what is going on with the ‘metamorphosis’ thing here? you're like frankenstein ADAM. you mean, frankenstein’s monster. frankenstein was the doctor PHILLIP ahh, don’t be such an english lit. prickADAM iam an english lit. prick. PHILLIP i know, but you don’t have to sound like one, do you? doctor, monster, whatever! what's up with that? ADAM nothing. it feels good PHILLIP how much weight have you lost? ADAM not that much, maybe ten pounds or PHILLIP i'd say more like fifteen, yeah, maybe puna and the hair thing going, no glasses now it’s just a few little PHILLIP hey, it's the ‘new you.’ plus, the nails. jenny told me that, which is the one that i just cannot believe! ADAM it’s a life change... PHILLIP please, don't make me throw up with the oprah-talk, alright? i'm trying to compliment you here ADAM thanks. puILuir i used to find blood on our phone, okay, so it’s not just this casual thing, quitting ADAM i know. i know that PHILLIP alright, then. (beat.) no, you look good. i can see why she kissed you . . . hell, i might even kiss you, with a few drinks in me ADAM (laughing) i'll run home and hide the liquor Pari please, i'll help you! (beat.) and nothing else happened, right, i mean, between you and jenny? adam stops cold, walked right into a trap. ADAM what? Panu i?m just asking. philPuIntte not really looking for a speech or anything. just an answer, she said ‘no,’ just so you don't think i’m laying a trap here or whatever idon’e PHILLIP nobody saw you on campus or anything. a ranger our in the woods. you know, so ADAM what's that supposed to mean? Panui i'm just saying, ll believe you, whatever you tell me. i've got no witnesses. so ADAM nothing happened, phil. truthfully. PHILLIP - that’s not what she said adam freezes but doesn’t falter. ADAM that’s not true. PHILLIP you sure? PHILLIP you're right, it’s not true. hey, a man’s gotta try ADAM ub-huh . . PHILLIP not that i want out of this or anything. i love scuba diving ADAM of course. as we all do... PHILLIP exactly, i'm just not sure i wanna share my air tank with the same person the rest of my life adam says nothing, just smiles. put that’s my problem. (beat.) i gotta get to class ADAM alright. take care, PHILLIP sorry for the, you know, crazy shit. ADAM it’s okay PHILLIP: don’t kiss my girlfriend any more, alright? ADAM you got itPHILLIP see you . . . we should do something again one of these days, all of us, i mean yeah PHILLIP if you guys wanna, let us know. so long, romeo! ADAM (pulling on a coat) knock it off! phillip starts off but stops dead. he turns back and studies adam. PHILLIP where’s your jacket? what? PHILLIP okay, this is too much. the cord jacket, the lumberjacky- looking thing i dunno PHILLIP and this, umm, tommy hilfiger-ish job, where'd you come up with that? ADAM the mall. i bought it. PHILLIP you bought some clothes? you, like, went out to the mall on your bike and actually . ADAM no, evelyn drove me. so? what's the big PHILLIP the deal is this... you've had that frumpy-looking fucker for three years, probably more, and i've never seen you out of it. ever. winter, the dead of summer, whatever, you've got that coat on. and now you're just, like, ‘hey, whatever, (yawns) yeah, i bought the ol stars and stripes here with evelyn.’ that’s like a sailing slicker! ADAM it’s theie yachtsman line paruuir i am gonna puke here, i swear to god! i did not just hear you use the word ‘yachtsman’ ADAM hey, she likes it... PHILLIP well, isn’t that just neat? and peachy keen and whatever other little house on the prairie shit you wanna spout what i wanna know is, do you like i? ADAM it’s okay, PHILLIP not what i said. i asked, ‘do-youdike-it?”it’s fine. it's a coat paren and lemme ask you . .. did you keep the cord job or did she make you toss it? ADAM who cares? this is .. . i threw it out, okay? goodwill, actually. PHILLIP ‘goodwill, actually, it’s really no big deal PHItte dude, don’t just say ‘no big deal.” i begged you to throw out the farm coat our freshman year, i mean, you've lost both of us a lot of dates with that thing on! you've had it since, like, birth, okay, so do me a little favour and let’s not pretend that the jacker and he, ahh, weight and the jon bon jovi hair are no big deal. because when it comes to routine, you used to be like mister goddamn rogers! ADAM phil, it’s a fucking jacket so just lay off. go to class PHILLIP, uh-hub. fine ADAM fine, PHILLIP i just hope next time we pass each other i recognize who the hell you are ADAM well, if not, you and evelyn can always head over to record city and have a chat PHILLIP hey, i wouldn’t get too deep into the moral issues during this particular conversation . . . okay, romeo? i may have a big fucking mouth, but at least i keep it to myself . they stare at each other, a nearly visible wall going up between them. adam blinks fist and walks off poilip watches him go. so long, matey!A COFFEE SHOP evelyn stands with jenny at a high table, sipping hot drinks, EVELYN and you, everything’s good? JENNY yeah, you know. okay. EVELYN hub. well, that’s nice to hear JENNY you? EVELYN oh, you know, pretty great. just studying, working on my art JENNY right, you've got a big thing you're doing, or, what do you call it? EVELYN thesis project. for my degree JENNY that’s terrific EVELYN yeah. the showing’s in a couple weeks . . JENNY and it’s going well? what is it again? EVELYN i never said oh, well, that’s why. EVELYN tight, (beat.) it's this sculpture thingie JENNY nice. mmmm, i love the arts. EVELYN really? JENNY yeah, you know, going to movies and stuff. we don’t get so many here, we have to drive into the city for any of the newer releases, but i see a lot of videos. phil watches “em constantly. EVELYN yeah, and what kind does he like? JENNY ob, a bunch, but more artsy ones than i'do . .. aliens. blade runner, twelve monkeys. is that right, or were there ten of em? EVELYN no, it was twelve... a dozen monkeys, i think, all together.JENNY anyway, that kind. sci-fi, but with some meaning, too, and action. EVELYN hub, that’s great .. . i hate sci-fi. (beat,) and you? what kind do you like, jenny? jenny ummm, any, i don’t mind . . . but i usually like at least some romance in them. that’s always nice. evelyn studies her for a moment EVELYN yes... romance’s good. especially when you least expect JENNY ub-huh Jenmy louks over, sees that evelyn is watching her, looks away quick - you know, i was gonna say, i think what you've done with adam, it’s really great. EVELYN and what’ve i done? JENNY you know, just . . . he’s changed. EVELYN that’s right. he’s changed. JENNY that’s what i mean, EVELYN he’s done the work . « JENNY of course, i didn’t mean that you . - EVELYN i know. i'm just saying, he did it Jenny right. that’s always what they say, though, isn’t it? EVELYN what? and who are they? JENNY you know, like, in cosmo, when they have those tests, asking what you'd like to change about your guy EVELYN ahbh. now you're gonna get all scientific on me JENNY it’s true, though, right? almost everybody i've gone out with, if you could alter just one thing, or even get them to stop wearing sunglasses up on their head all the time . . . then they'd be perfect. its that sort of deal, isn't it? EVELYN something like that . .. or it could just be that i care about him.JENNY phil’s got, like, six of those ‘one things,’ but it’s the same idea EVELY right. and how is ol? phil? Jenny he’s . .. phil. six ‘things’ away from being amazing . adam arrives at the table, obviously unprepared to find both women waiting for him. he wears no bandage. ADAM - hey, evelyn. hi. jenny, helo. EVELYN/JENNY hi, adam. hello. ADAM i didn’t know you guys were EVELYN i invited her. thar’s alright, then JENNY i like your new jacket! phil told me about it. . ADAM oh, right. yeah. it's. . . new. JENNY and your nose! god, you okay? 34 ADAM yep. ‘course . .. it was nothing, Jenny falling down’s not nothing, (studies him.) looks okay, though an uncomfortable pause. evelyn looks over at adam, who clears his throat. EVELYN, you fell? yeah, anyway EVELYN anyway, pull up some floor . .. we got you a cocoa he moves warily to them, squeezing in next to evelyn. ADAM thanks. (to evelyn) you don’t drink coffee EVELYN not. it’s decaf that’s still coffe EVELYN good point. so i drink coffee, then, i just don’t like the caffeine me eitherEVELYN really? you don’t like caffeine, either, jenny? did you know that, too, adam, that jenny doesn’t like caffeine? ADAM no. i didn’t know that EVELYN see? there’s lots you don’t know they all sip their drinks silently for a moment. jenny was just saying that she thinks you're great i mean, doing great things with yourself yeah? thanks, jenny Jenny you're welcome. i just EVELYN she thinks you're just about perfect now, don’t you, jen? JENNY i didn’t say that. EVELYN so, he’s not perfect, then? obviously his motor control’s a bit off, if he fell, but JENNY i said that you guys are forget about it. EVELYN it’s truc, i'm exaggerating. she said, and i paraphrase, ‘he’s changed.” but she implied for the better ADAM well, i agree. i have. and again, thank you, JENNY welcome EVELYN i think you've chariged, too, adam. a lot. ADAM yeah? how's that? EVELYN well, i mean, it’s obvious, all the minor things are pretty obvious, but in subtler ways as well .... you've gotten cuter. and stronger. more confident. and craftier ADAM fier’ buh? EVELYN apparently so . . . that spill you took must've done it. yenwy i?m sorry, am i missing something? ADAM i'm not sure . . (to evelyn) evelyn, what's up? EVELYN nothing. not a thingJENNY i mean, you knew about him hurting himself, didn’t you? (to adam) phil said you had a big bandage on, so i just figured .. . EVELYN no, jenny, i saw it. i'm kidding JENNY abh. i couldn’t tell EVELYN sometimes it’s hard to read me. know when i’m joking ADAM very hard. EVELYN ic is. buti am . . . joking, i mean, adam took a bad fall and smashed his nose, but he’s okay now . . . see? she grabs adam’s face and holds it out for jenny to look. adam pulls away, a bit to0 quickly. it healed well, don’t you think? JENNY ADAM do you guys wanna salad or something? i'm hungcy EVELYN i'm fine. jenny . . . hungry? JENNY i'm okay. (to adam) your nose looks . .. how much weight have you lost? ADAM not that much, really. EVELYN twenty-one pounds. (t0 adam) i peeked, is that alright? he glares at her: jenny tries to keep up. JENNY ‘peeked? EVELYN his journal . . . a record of his progress that he’s keeping twenty-one pounds as of last friday. yeah, JENNY really? that’s so cool... EVELYN cosmo story in the making, huh? JENNY yep. ADAM it's good, yeah, i've been keeping at it .. EVELYN she knows, adam, she already said you've ‘changed.’ and i already agreed. we're past that 39ADAM okay, i'm, like, totally lost here . EVELYN you're mentioned in there, too, jenny. JENNY where? EVELYN adam’s journal. i mean, it’s a veiled entry but i think it’s you. evelyn EVELYN i pecked ewice. (0 jenny) you're right next to someone snown as ‘cute waitress.’ JENNY (cautiously)... why's that? i mean . . . adam? ADAM you're not. it’s... she’s EVELYN something about a meeting. .. and a drive after, in your cute little v-dub ADAM what’re you saying?! jenny, there's not any jenny picks up ber purse and smiles thinly jENNy you know what? it’s pretty late, i should get ADAM no, don’t go . . . (20 evelyn) why are you doing this? EVELYN i?m just having coffee. decaf. JENNY i need to go. EVELYN . j just wanna talk about the kiss. why can't we do that? the moment hangs. jenny stops short we should just put it out there. . . ’'m very open, and i just feel that . ADAM this is inappropriate, okay (to adam) did you tell her about the EVELYN no, no, he didn’t... . phillip did. days ago. we met and he told me all about it, jenny. what you told him, anyway, the rest i got from loverboy’s diary JENNY adam? ADAM she’s making that up . . . she’s . EVELYNADAM yest EVELYN then set the record straight ADAM i don’t wanna do this right now. EVELYN seems a touch late for that. JENNY {to evelyn) phillip told you about our talk? when? (beat.) what else did he tell you? EVELYN {ots of things .. . he’s a very chatty guy, when you wind him up. JENNY iican’t believe it EVELYN then you're never gonna believe the rest of this ADAM evelyn, let’s just drop it, okay? if you're angry with me, altight, but this is not EVELYN We're just talking, people need to share more, that’s how this stuff happens, this covert stuff, because we hide it JENNY fine ... you want to... go ahead, adam wrote something in his journal, obviously, and i told phil about jenny, i didn’t JENNY what do you wanna hear? we kissed. EVELYN no, i knew that... i’m sorry, i've confused you. i meant about my kiss. with phillip, that’s the part i wanted to talk about with you guys... . i didn’t make that clear? JENNY what? ADAM that’s bullshit EVELYN no, that’s gecting even. (beat) unless you guys have something else to tell me about. meaning, ‘the drive’ ADAM we didn’t go on any JENNY that’s not true. you didn’t meet phil EVELYN ask him, JENNY or he would've told me. . . he EVELYN apparently notyenwy i'm going. i'm going now, “kay? EVELYN fine, then we'll just let that one hang for a bit. .. the woods, i mean, JENNY PIL... see you. adam, i'm . EVELYN, (calling to her) you guys are still coming to my showing, right? phillip said you would! she is gone. adams takes a careful sip before speaking she turns to evelyn, about to speak, when jenny returns. JENNY (directly at evelyn) hey .... look, i don’t know why i'm here, i guess i came back to say ‘i’m sorry.’ sorry if ve offended you in some way, or done something to make you so indifferent to me, cold or whatever, and i don’t mean what's happened, i don’t, because i think you've been this way the whole time i've known you. $0... . sorry ?'m not an artsy person or cool enough or, you know, i'm not super-smart, sorry about that. but as far as just being a person, like, an average-type person... i'm pretty okay. i am. (beat,) that kinda came out bad, i mean, dumb, so i'm just gonna... yeah. (she wanders off) apam - okay, that was horrible. EVELYN oh, i dunno . . . i could've told her about the blow job i gave him. (beat.) kidding 104 ADAM no, listen, what you did was shitty, and awful and just, plain wrong EVELYN as opposed to you two sneaking off and making out? where would that fall on the ‘bad behavious’ list... ADAM you had no right to do that. EVELYN ADAM make her feel that way EVELYN she's got a boyfriend who's shit. now she knows. hell, she already knew ADAM it was still wrong to weat her like that! and me, EVELYN yeah, let’s talk about you . ADAM g0 ahead. you seem rating to go. you wanna tell me about the rest of your date, or should ADAM she called me, okay, asked if i could get together and talk, you know, about phil. and them. 10sEVELYN and then you made out. most natural thing in the ADAM it just happened, look, i was going to say something EVELYN that was hitler’s excuse. try another one ADAM it was a mistake! okay? i know that EVELYN and how big was that mistake? (beat.) i don’t care about what happened. i don’t. i just want the truth ... i told you about what i did ~ you think i wanted to kiss that uy? i only did it for the effect. but i’m asking you what else went on? i deserve to know. ADAM nothing. . EVELYN, you're sticking with that? ADAM ves. EVELYN, even if i tell you i know something else went on. ADAM how could you? it didn’t... and i did not put any ‘drive’ in my journal, that was a lie. EVELYN no, it was a bluff. because i could sense it... (beat.) and the waitress was there ADAM i’m telling you the truth. about jenny, i mean EVELYN i don’t believe you. EVELYN then we'll have to leave it at that. won't we? they stare at one another. she touches her nose. oh, and glad to hear about your trip . . . see you next fall that’s a bad joke EVELYN it’s a worse lie ADAM what was i gonna tell them? huh? EVELYN the truth? ADAM come on i took shit about my new jacket! that’s all people say to me any more, ‘what's up with you? what’sgoing on?” i can't exactly spread it around about what EVELYN what? you fell ADAM what're we doing here? EVELYN i dunno. you tell me ADAM i don’t know. i really don’t EVELYN are you tired of me? ’s that it? ADAM god, no! are you nuts?! EVELYN then i don’t get it...i don’t wanna sound ob-fashioned here, bur you're a step away from fucking around on. ADAM i would never do that . . la EVELYN no, you would never do that with her, and mostly because she woulda’. i know the type, she needed « shove well, what the hell, why not a'kiss while she’s at it, and maybe a quick hand job, who knows? but she’s not gonna screw you and you probably wouldn’t be able to get it up, anyway, because he's your best ‘bud.’ (beat.) but Jemme ask you, adam, if it hadn’t been her, if it'd been, oh, say that ‘cute waitress’ the other night adam looks away; evelyn doesn’t let up. didn’t think i caught that, did you? the chatty-chat and the extra three bucks on the tip. ADAM that was nothing, EVELYN it's never anything. until i’s something . .. (beat been her instead . . . out on that drive ADAM we-didn’t-go-fora EVELYN whatever, but if she’d been there instead, then what? just ask yourself ADAM jesus, next you're gonna tell me the handkerchief with the strawberries on it is missing EVELYN i don’t know that reference. ADAM don't worry about it. (pleads.) evelyn, please she smiles and begins more gently. EVELYN i just wanna know where we stand . . . i thought i could trust you.you can! . EVELYN she’s your friend’s fiancée, adam. i'm your girlfriend where's the trust in that? a he takes her hand suddenly, ADAM ill do anything you want. okay? i know what i did was wrong, i do, i messed up but i've never done that before. lied to a person i was going out with . . . shit, i haven't even gone out with someone for the two years before we met! so, tell me what to do and i'll do it...i just, i just don’t wanna lose you. : EVELYN you're sure ADAM iam so sure. i love you . EVELYN, itold you, that’s a big word ADAM and i'm using it. i do, completely EVELYN anything i say? anything EVELYN (without emotion) give them up. as friends, both of them. no explanation. don’t see them or speak to them again. not ever. ~ huh? EVELYN that's what i want, that’s the proof to me about how you feel evelyn... that’s EVELYN one should always be careful when asking to be put to atest - jesus christ so, what’s it gonna be, adam? ADAM and if i don’t EVELYN pretty much like these things end. i mean, in life, at least if this was a movie, i'd see the light eventually, but no such luck, final answer? adam stares at ber for a long moment.«i choose you. she pulls him close and kisses him for a long time. EVELYN you choose well, grasshopper AN AUDITORIUM phillip standing around, dressed up. adam enters, holding a glass of punch, tries to go the other way but phil stops him PHIL? adam, dude, what's up?! apam (looking around) hey, phil. how's it going? PuILur you know, okay. so, what, you don’t take my calls now? ADAM no, i've been... i mean. . PHILLIP 's okay, i understand, the whole . . . thing ADAM nah, it’s just been busy lately, at work and stuff PHILLIP yeah. whatever. ADAM seriously. (beat.) i need to get a seat PHILLIP hold on, hey . . . where's the fire? ADAM (nervously) i just wanna . . . good spot. (beat.) where’s jenny?PHILLIP fanny. what? PHILLIP man, come on... we broke up. broke it off, whatever. you knew that. what? no, i, when. . .? PHILLIP like, two weeks ago . . . right after .. . you know. and i'm sorry about that. i was pissed off, but, i mean... no call for that ‘eye for an eye? shit. ADAM - - it’s okay, but you and jenny're . . .? i can’t believe that. PHILLIP believe it. (beat.) she came over one day, after secing you guys, i guess, and that was it. the ring off, and gone. ADAM i'm sorry. PHILLIP listen, no hard feelings . . .i was looking to get out, you know that. but once you start making those plans, you know, like picking out napkins and shit, i's almost easier to just do the thing! (beat.) you did me a favour, really . t00 young to get hitched. ADAM i don’t know what to say PHILLIP don’t worry about it. (beat.) you haven’t seen h have you? jenny, i mean PHILUP kay, anyway, this oughta be good, huh?! they share a light laugh. jenny walks up the aisle, sees them and goes for a seat. ADAM jenny, hi JENNY oh, adam . . . hello. hi, phil PHILLIP hey i?m sorry about . .. you guys JENNY (glaring at pbil) boy, you just can’t keep anything to yourself, can you? PHILLIP what? JENNY you never change . .. that’s what. (she turns and walks off, taking a place in the auditowhat's she. ..? PHILLIP, it’s not, like, totally official yet . . . ahh, fuck, what're you gonna do? the lights flicker twice. adam looks up. ADAM we should find a place to PHILLIP (looking) there's two over there ADAM umm... maybe we shouldn’t PHILLIP got it. okay, whatever. take care, man, he wanders off. adam watches him go, then finds a place to sit. lights go down, theatrical lights up. after a moment, evelyn (dressed up for her) enters crisply and smiles. EVELYN good evening. thank you for coming out tonight — it’s very cold and rainy and i’m sure this is not how most of you would choose to spend your time away from campus . . . on campus. so, i promise to make this presentation as quick and painless as possible, for some of you at least, and get you back home as swiftly as ican. the accompanying visual portion of this graduate thesis project is currently under review but will hopefully be available in the exhibition gallery down the hall for your perusal next week, so if you don’t stay tonight for punch and cookies, umm, please stop by and take a look at your convenience. (smiles.) okay, that’s the boring stuff she turns over a note card, my task here tonight is to unveil my semester's work, explain it and then smile and shake hands, leaving a few of you to examine it, grade it, etc. in essence, be at your mercy. which is fine, since i realize i have been my entire academic life - at someone’s mercy, that is - which reaches back to when i was five. so be it. . . that’s the system and one person can’t change it .. . but perhaps they can make you question that system and your values just a little bit. thus, my rather, ahh, dramatic presentation at this time, (looks over card.) blah-blab-blah evelyn starts to move but steps back into the light, as if she's forgotten something. oh, 1 almost forgot . . . and this is fairly personal, probably shouldn't even do it but it really is the cazper to my time here at clarkson, so please indulge me. (be i was given an engagement ring two days ago and haven't answered the guy yet. . . 0 i wanted to éo it this evening. here goes. this is a beautiful stone and an amazing gesture on your part, for many reasons. by the time i’m through here, i promise that you'll have your she shows the ring off to the audience. my graduate advisor gave me this advice five months ago . ‘strive to make art, but change the world.’ prettywise words, i thought, at the time, and so, being a good little student, that’s what i set out to do. as you know, every journey begins with a single step — boy, the ‘coffee cup slogans’ are coming hard and fast tonight ~ and so iiset out to she appears almost nervous, but not quite. she looks at the audience for a moment. as i looked around my world for something to change, i knew i'd been given a tall order. ‘change the world.’ so, i decided to do the next best thing, which was change someone's world. i mean, that’s a start, right? one person changes, and then another, and then, well, you get it crude but effective. with that in mind, i present to you this, my newest work. it is a human sculpture on which i've worked these past eighteen weeks, and of whom i'm very proud. i cannot legally name him tonight as he hasn't yer signed a waiver for the various items on display in the visual portion, but it’s a small college, and a smaller town (laughs), so you've got a pretty decent chance at guessing who it is. in fact, i've done all i could to be as visible as possible with him this yea: ~ Pt more of a stay-at-home person myself ~ since i thought that was an important aspect of his unique transformation. the piece itself ~ him ~ is untitled since i think, i hope, that it will mean something different to each of you and, frankly, anyone who sees it. His own name, however, is quite apropos. she turns over a large photograph from a nearby easel. the face has been blurred out. i did the mtv thing here om the face . . . this is a “before? picture that i had a classmate take of us near the pizza hhut out by the highway. that was our first official encounter after he asked me out ~ at his place of work, a big no-no, or so i was told — and it was here that i coaxed him into eating his first vegetarian meal. well, as vegetarian as a spinach-and-mushroom calzone can be! he also had a salad... anyway, he told me that for him, it was a huge deal and it does mark the beginning of my systematic makeover, or ‘sculpting,’ if you will, of my two very pliable materials of choice: the human flesh and the human will. (beat.) i first spotted my chosen base material ... it’s so funny not to use names! sorry, but a lawyer actually told me i had to say that, “base material’... on january 9th, the fifth day of winter semester, as i was actively pursuing another set of ‘base ‘material (grins.) obviously, my current creation appeared much more right for my work and so i created a scenario that would allow for our eventual, yet seemingly random, connection, she scans the audience. still with me? you're very quiet . . . okay. the exhibit itself will give you many first-hand examples of my efforts, some hands-on such as video tapes or sound recordings of our conversations and others more scientific in nature, as in growth charts, x-rays and accompanying data. as you can sce from this photo, however, the hair, the glasses, the excessive amouat of weight, offered a number of physical areas that made him unique and perfect for this project. a short list of alterations i've induced would include eating better and losing weight ~ some twenty-five pounds or more ~ an exercise regimen that included both cardiovascular work and weight training, the purchase of contact lenses, a complete change in hairstyles and significant wardrobe alterations as well. he even tattooed his body for me, without asking... in a highly questionable place. theseare surface items, to be sure, but if i, in fact, tell you that i?m going through with it and marrying the guy, you'd probably all shake my hand and say, ‘wow, how the hell can i do that to my boyfriend?” but this, i'm afraid, was not done out of love or caring or concern .. . this was a simple matter of can i instil ‘<’ amount of change in this creature, using only manipulation as my palette knife? i made sure that nothing was ever forced during our sessions ot ‘sittings’ together ~ i cant really say they were dates, not on my part, although the allusion of ‘dating’ was imperative — and that his free will was always at the forefront of each decision. i coaxed, made suggestions, created the illusion of interest and desire, but never said, ‘please do this.’ not once, any questions yet? she scans the crowd. ummmm .. . you may be asking yourselves, ‘well, did she at least tell him?” of course not, no, i couldn’. not until tonight, or he really wouldn't be a piece of at. he would be a jilted lover, a spurned fiancé, etc. but he is mote than that . . . he’s my creation. nov it'll be easy for many of you to condemn my actions as harsh, inhumane or uncealistic as you drive or walk home tonight, but remember this, like so many of you when pursuing your personal best in relationships and at work . .. i was interested in humanity, yes, but insistent on results above all else. how many here can say that they have never looked at their significant other and/or a business associate and said, ‘they're perfect, they're great, except for just one thing . ..” well, i too have taken my base materials and honed them into something new, something unique and, in the eyes and standards of society, something arguably improved. but, with the artist’s ruthless pursuit of truth and historical disregard for rule and law . . . ’ve gone a step further. i found that, with the right coaxing of my material - yes, ‘coaxing’ often of a sexual nature, ll admit ~i could hone the inside of my sculpture as well as the surface. i found myself suddenly creating strong moral ambiguity where i could detect only the slightest traces before, often in direct proportion to the amount of external change. this means, as my subject became handsomer and firmer and more confident, his actions became more and more, ahh, questionable. against medical advice, he had work done to his face, cosmetic surgery at age twenty-two, and insisted to those around him that he had merely fallen down. he also started to deceive his friends and myself with greater abandon during this period while showing increased interest in other women. indeed, he had relations with his best friend’s fiancée and continues to harbour details from us about the incident to this day. moreover, he was willing to give those friends up when asked, walk away from them without any further contact, after said encounter, leading me to an assumption of further wrong-doing with the young woman in question. and, as stated earlier, these. universal corrections culminated in an offer of marriage to me, this coming from a confirmed, albeit young, bachelor. i call this act ‘morally questionable’ because it seems to be motivated, in my mind at least, as much out of guilt as genuine feelings for me. he has then, as i see it, been utterly and totally refashioned as a person. (beat.) as my grandfather used to say, ‘he’s a real piece of work . she holds up a large ‘after’ photo for all to see and yet open any fashion magazine, turn on any television programme and the world will tell you . . . he’s enly gotten more interesting, more desirable, more normal. in a word, better. he is a living, breathing example of our obsession with the susface of things, the shape of them.(beat.) now, my work will fade, to be sure. like chipping marble or crazing paint, it will succumb to a can of pringles, a late morning in bed. to time itself. but for this one glorious moment, it is perfect. as perfect as i made it. . co photo) not bad, huh? and ladies, he is available. (to adam) this was a startling and unexpected gesture, but obviously, i can’t accept she takes off the ring and places it on an easel. you can examine the stone and setting further when it’s placed in the exhibit. (beat.) as for me, i have no regrets or feelings of remorse for my actions, the manufactured emotions . . . none of it. i have always stood by the single and simple conceit that i am an artist. only that i follow in a long tradition of artists who believe that there is no such concept as religion, or government, community or even family. there is only art. art that must be created. whatever the cost. (beat.) with that in mind, i present you with my untitled sculpture and supporting materials tonight. thank you. she takes a short bow and steps out of the light AN EXHIBITION GALLERY several podiums scattered about with various ‘supporting data’ on them, evelyn standing all alone, punch in one hand, cookie in the other. after a moment, she takes a nibble. she crosses to a box of photos and browses. adam enters and stares at her. ADAM not a big ‘modern art’ crowd, i guess, huh? EVELYN hey. (beat.) glad you stopped by ADAM yeah, well, i didn’t really have anything to do . .. plus, i can't show my face in the streets, so it seemed logical. EVELYN look, adam ADAM please don’t ‘look, adam’ me now, okay, or i might not make it through this . . . (beat. just refer to me as “it? oF ‘untitled, i'll help me Keep some perspective here he wanders over and pours some punch. stuffs a few cookies in his pocket. shoves three in his mouth and chews them down, + - that’s gonna shoot some piece of data all to shit, isn’t ie?EVELYN doesn’t matter now, do what you want . . . you're finished. ADAM ‘you're finished.’ wow. (considers.) most people just say, ‘hey, sorry, can’t marry you.’ and they say it in private EVELYN yeah, that might’ve been a bit too far. ADAM oh shit, evelyn, you are so beyond ‘far’ that you're in danger of hitting uranus. and i mean the planet (smiling) see, you're still funny ADAM just stop, alright? i was never funny, ever, or good-looking or clever. i was nothing until you started dicking around with me. i admit it. no-thing. but you know what? i was absolutely fine with that EVELYN i know this is a lot for you to take in and everything aDam uh-huh . . i got a little gregor samsa thing going right now, 80... EVELYN i don’t get that ADAM doesn’t matter. ido... i get it. a moment of dead silence. EVELYN listen, i know my work relied on not telling you what was going on, but i ADAM here in a ‘small town’ we just call it lying EVELYN i did lie to you, yes yeah; just a litle, (best) ‘i'm a very straightforward person...” ihad to say that. sorry. ADAM you're sorry? well, thar’s good . .. i figured i was gonna have to really work to get that one out of you. EVELYN im not sorry. i mean, not for what i've done. i just feel bad that you're so upset . . ADAM oh, i see EVELYN {even thought maybe you could handle it. i did, really . otherwise i wouldn't have invited you tonight. ADAM yeah, just me and two hundred of my closest friends.EVELYN adam, you don’t have any friends. (beat) you gave up the only ones i've known you to have. gave “em up pretty easily... adam shivers at this one; she's turned out t0 be a cool litale nuember. geez... don't hold back at all, please. call it exactly how you see it. EVELYN i just want to keep it as truthful as possible. ADAM (laughing) thav'll be different you're so angry ADAM well, you know, evelyn, what do you want me to say?! you messed with my life and you put it under fucking glass... that might make anyone a touch cross. what'd i do wrong? (beat,) seriously, tell me ADAM EVELYN you have screwed me. a lot. you wanna watch it? there's 2 cassette over there somewhere, ADAM you are seriously twisted up. i mean it . EVELYN ah . .. what was so bad? i wanna know, tell me ym your perspective. ADAM i?m not gonna give you a last little thrill. fuck tat. EVELYN listen to your mouth, adam . . . you never used to talk like that. ADAM you're gonna take credit for that, too, huh? EVELYN nope, you picked that up all on your own. cute guys always have potty mouths. they think it makes ’em cuter ADAM yeah, well, tell me how ‘cute’ this one is, then... up yours, you heartless cunt. EVELYN 0, tell me then. go ahead, you feel that way about me, you can tell me what i did wrong, ifi did something wrong ADAM you don’t see this as wrong?! EVELYN { said, you tell me, i wanna know what you think i didhe stops for a moment, taking a deep breath. not really wanting to engage. ADAM you honestly have no concept here just say it ADAM awww, shit. look . . . i don’t have time, okay? i'm not gonna stand here and EVELYN the exercising? or was it the new clothes that really bugged you? that is not the EVELYN everything i did made you a more desirable person, adam. people began to notice you . . . cake interest in you. i watched them .. ADAM well, lucky me. i got to be part of your installation ‘thingie.’ EVELYN you are my installation thingie . . . (beat.) look, if you hadn't been here tonight, hadn't heard all this stuff . wouldn't you still be happy? waiting at home for me, hoping this went well, wanting to make love ADAM that’s not the point EVELYN yes, itis! it’s the total point. all that stuff we did was real for you, therefore it was real. it wasn’t for me, therefore it wasn’t. it’s all subjective, adam. everything. ADAM not love. not cruelty, of course they are. ADAM (reaching) ill tell you something ‘real,’ i should sue your you could . . . i did take that risk. ADAM that’s right, you did, and you're crazy if you think ’m gonna let you put all this shit on display. our time together. (points.) those’re our video tapes, aren’t they? the... sex ones. they are! you aie wuts . EVELYN there’s a lot of stuff here. i haven't even put itall out yet. ADAM well, you might as well keep it packed up, then. EVELYN you should be proud of it... most of it ADAM just save it, kay?EVELYN well, what about your jacket? where should i put that? ADAM - what? EVELYN your old jacket. the one i sprayed my number in, at the museum. (beat,) it was only four bucks at the goodwill ADAM why would you buy that? EVELYN just so i'd have it, in case ADAM so, blackmail, too, huh? ohh, shit . .. (beat.) which page of the ‘scorned girls’ handbook’ is that on? EVELYN i dunno, but i ber it’s in there . ADAM i do not doube it. EVELYN just wanted you to know, that’s all he scans the room, then throws his hands up, he wanders about. fine, EVELYN what? it’s fine, forget it EVELYN what is? ADAM what the hell . . . it can’t get any worse. you get off on showing people my old socks and scuzzy sheets, go for it EVELYN i don’t ‘get off’ on it. ADAM it means so much to you, have a field day EVELYN adam, this is my work. (beat.) i'll give back whatever you want, soon as i get my grade. ADAM whatever EVELYN iwill. apam the ring’d be nice. it was my grandma's EVELYN i'll take care of it.thanks. good EVELYN (bonestly) . . . hard feelings? ADAM me? nah . . . we had some fun, right? EVELYN yeah. ADAM but, hey, that's subjective, EVELYN exactly ADAM then i had some fun, fell in love and all that and you got yourself a grade and a column inch or two in the college paper. congrats. seriously . . . but do me a favoul, don’t fool yourself and think that this is ‘art.’ "kay? it’s a sick fucking joke, but it is not ‘art.’ EVELYN is that right? ADAM pretty much, yeah, (beat.) you know, when picasso took a shit, he didn’t call ita “sculpture.” he knew the difference. that’s what made him picasso. and if i'm wrong about that, i mean, if i totally miss the point here and somehow puking up your own little shitty neuroses all over people’s laps is actually art, then you oughta at least realize there's a price to it all... you know? somebody pays for your ‘two minutes on cnn. someone always pays for people like you. and if you don’t get that, if you can't see at least that much . .. then you’re about two inches away from using babies to make lamp shapes and calling it ‘furniture.’ (beat.) look, i know they call it the ‘art ne,’ but that’s not all it should make. a scere. it should be more than that. anybody can be provocative, or shocking, stand up in class, or at the mall, wherever, and take a piss, paint yourself blue and run naked through a church screaming out the names of people you've slept with. is that art, or did you just forget to take your ritalin? there's gotta be a line. for art to exist, there has to be a line out there somewhere. a line between really saying something and just needing attention. (beat)... i guess i'm done. EVELYN wow. okay . . . 30, you're saying i should be a ‘better person.” is that it? ADAM that’s dhe nutshell, yeah. EVELYN better like... you? no. just better EVELYN well, we'll just have to agree to disagree, then, won't we? ADAM yes, we will. we will definitely do that. (beat.) don’t forget what oscar wilde saidEVELYN he always had something to say, didn’t he? ADAM yeah . . ‘all artis quite useless.” he said that EVELYN hub. i thought you were gonna go with ‘insincerity and treachery somehow seem inseparable from the artistic temperment.’ that’s a good one, t00 . « ADAM it is, yeah. damn, wish i'd said that. EVELYN don’t worry about it... . look how he ended up. ADAM yep . . alone, penniless and in prison. everything i wish Jor you . .. (be smiles.) tell me, though. one thing. EVELYN yes? ADAM was any of it true? EVELYN what do you mean? ADAM not the things we did, or the kind words or whatever but any of it? EVELYN no. not really. ADAM i mean about you. the nose-job or lake forest or your mother’s maiden name? one thing you ever said to me? EVELYN my mom’s name is anderson ADAM oh, are you twenty-five? EVELYN twenty-two. just . . . i skipped third grade. ADAM okay . .. (beat.) and the scars are EVELYN i made it all up. ADAM got it. i got it... gemini at least? EVELYN no, pisces. sorry. ADAM don't be. hey, it's .. . art a moment of silence. they look at each other for a bit. - EVELYN (checking watch) i should probably get going, i gotta hook up with some guys from my department . . ADAM alright.EVELYN and i think the dean wants ‘a word? with me, too. (ricky ricardo voice) ‘i got some ’splaining to do.’ ADAM what's that from? EVELYN nothing, i love lucy. ADAM ahh, tv. that other great art form EVELYN uh-huh, you coming? ADAM nah, not yet... (bolds up bands.) don’t worry, i'm not, gonna do anything to your stuff. no spray paint. i just EVELYN i understand. go ahead. ADAM thanks EVELYN the door locks if you just close it. ADAM great. evelyn smiles at him once more, but says nothing. what's to say? she heads for the door but stops. 136 EVELYN that one time, ADAM buh? EVELYN in your bed, one night, when you leaned over and whispered in my ear... remember? ADAM ‘course. i remember everything about us. and i whispered back to you, i said ADAM i remember. EVELYN ii meant that. i did. ADAM yeah? EVELYN yes ADAM ob. she starts to say something else but catches herself. she ‘goes out. adam stands alone it the quiet room, looking about. he takes a few more cookies, eating them as he wanders around and picks up items frombis recent life with evelyn. he finally stops near the tulvcr. suddenly, he pops in a tape and settles back om the floor. he finds the moment he is looking for the exchange of whispers. he presses ‘play’ and watches it. he rewinds and does it again. and again, he scoots over and pulls on his old jacket, buddling there on the ground. be watches the picture intently, but what is being said remains elusive, unheard. he continues. silence. darkness.