1 Indonesian Journal of Educational Studies Vol.26, No.

1, June 2023

INDONESIAN
Invisible Domestic Violences:
How Parents did Emotional and JOURNAL OF
Verbal Violences to their EDUCATIONAL
Children Unconsciously STUDIES
Yusri
Department of Foreign Language Education
(IJES)
Universitas Negeri Makassar, Indonesia
Email: yusri@unm.ac.id1
E-ISSN: 2621-6736
Abstract. This study aims to determine the forms of P-ISSN: 2621-6744
violence experienced by children at home and how parents
understand violence. The research methodology used is
quantitative through a survey approach. Research Submitted :4th March 2023
participants consisted of children (12-17 years old) and
Revised : 10th April 2023
parents. Data collection techniques used are online
Accepted : 25th May 2023
surveys and interviews. The online survey was conducted
for all participants consisting of 50 children and 50 parents.
Meanwhile, the interviews were only conducted with a
sample of parents. All respondents agreed to participate in
this study through a verbal consent form. The data analysis
technique used is descriptive statistics and qualitative
descriptive. The findings of this study indicate that 1)
parents still tend to commit various forms of violence
against children such as physical violence, verbal violence,
emotional violence, and neglect. This violent behavior is
carried out for various reasons, both consciously and
unconsciously. 2) Parents tend to understand that violence
only consists of physical violence and verbal violence. 3)
there is a relationship between parents' lack of
understanding about violence and the potential for
violence perpetrated by parents against children. This
study also recommends that it is important to conduct
interventions for parents that focus on increasing parents'
understanding of the types of violence and the negative
impacts caused as a form of preventing domestic violence.
Keywords: Domestic Violences, Verbal Violences,
Emotional Violences, Parenting

This work is licensed under a Creative

Commons Attribution-NonCommercial
4.0 International License
 Invisible Domestic Violences: How Parents did Emotional and Verbal Violences – Yusri 2

INTRODUCTION
Domestic violence has become a serious issue that has been studied by numerous
previous researchers globally, including in Indonesia (Mahfud & Rizanizarli, 2021; Nisa,
2021; Sitompul et al., 2020). The issue of domestic violence, especially in Indonesia, tends
to only focus on examining violence against women by their husbands. Domestic violence
is violence committed by someone in the victim's domestic circle. Based on this definition,
it can be concluded that domestic violence is not only related to violence against
housewives, but also related to violence against husbands by wives and violence against
children by parents and siblings.
Violence against children has become a global issue that has been studied by
several previous researchers using various approaches and focusing on different issues
(Ferrara et al., 2019; Pereda & Diaz-Faes, 2020; Fang et al., 2022). Violence against children
is a form of violent behavior in the form of physical, verbal, sexual, emotional abuse, or
neglect of children, either intentionally or unintentionally. Violence against children does
not only occur in the child's social environment or in the child's school environment, but
violence against children often occurs in the family environment where the perpetrators
are the parents or siblings of the child (Pereda & Diaz-Faes, 2020; Gracia et al., 2020;
Humphreys et al., 2020).
Violence against children in the family environment during the Covid-19 pandemic
became a very serious issue that needs to be addressed immediately because the number
increased significantly. This is because children spend more time with their families at
home and the atmosphere of the Covid-19 pandemic also makes parents or other family
members more likely to experience burn-out, stress, or other psychological problems
(Humphreys et al., 2020). The issue of violence against children is a very important issue to
be addressed immediately because various negative impacts will be experienced by
children as victims of violence. Violence against children has the potential to affect
children's growth and development both cognitively and emotionally. This will have an
impact on decreasing brain function and in the long term, this will certainly affect a
decrease in children's academic achievement at school because they will find it difficult to
concentrate and cannot focus on material at school. In addition, children also tend to have
difficulty controlling their emotions, so that children sometimes become more irritable for
no reason.
Several studies show that children who experience violence tend to withdraw from
their social environment and tend to always be alone, even in some cases children will
choose to attempt suicide when they are no longer able to control their emotions and
thoughts. One of the most important things is that children who are victims of violence
have the potential to become perpetrators of violence in other environments or in the
future. This is because they will tend to imitate what their parents or family do in their
home environment, so they will think that violence is a natural and normal to do. In
addition, other impacts of violence are of course physical, such as cuts and bruises from
being punched or thrown by hard objects (Thompson-Walsh et al., 2021; Steketee et al.,
2021; Machado et al., 2020).
Some parents define violence only as physical; they tend to not understand that
violence can also occur verbally and emotionally (Lase et al., 2022). Therefore, violence in
other forms such as verbal violence or emotional violence is considered normal behavior
and is part of parenting patterns because it aims to discipline children (Beckmann, 2021;
Suárez-Relinque et al., 2019). This study aims to examine the forms of violence experienced
3 Indonesian Journal of Educational Studies Vol.26, No.1, June 2023

by children in their family environment by comparing data from parents and children.
Parents and children were given two different instruments in which the two instruments
aim to examine the portrait of violence committed against children and the portrait of
violence experienced by children. The findings from this study are useful for developing an
intervention that aims to increase parents' understanding and awareness of the issue of
violence against children as a domestic violence issue
RESEARCH METHODOLOGY
The research methodology used is quantitative through a survey approach. The
survey was conducted to find out the frequency of violence perpetrated by parents against
children and the frequency of violence experienced by children in their family
environment. Research participants consisted of children and parents. Child participants
are high school students aged around 12-17 years old. The age of children according to the
UN is before 18 years olf, therefore the age of research participants is limited to a
maximum of 17 years. In addition, the minimum age is 12 years because at that age children
are considered to be able to give the correct response in accordance with what is
experienced through research instruments that are distributed online (online survey).
Apart from children, this study also involved the parents of these children as
respondents, because one of the aims of this study was to compare the data provided by
parents and children. Data collection techniques used are online surveys and interviews.
The online survey was conducted for all participants consisting of 50 children and 50
parents. Meanwhile, the interviews were only conducted with a sample of parents with
the aim of confirming the quantitative data from the online survey and to find out the
extent to which parents understand the concept of violence against children. All
respondents have agreed to participate in this study through a verbal consent form.
There are 2 types of research instruments used, namely research instruments for
children and parents. Instruments for children focus on obtaining information about the
frequency and types of violence experienced. In this instrument, the types of violence are
divided in detail into physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, and exploitation violence. While
the research instrument for parents is only in general regarding how parents define
violence. The research instrument for parents was not made in detail because researchers
wanted to see the understanding of parents regarding the concept of violence. The data
analysis technique used is descriptive statistics and qualitative descriptive. Data from
online survey results are presented in the form of charts and data from interviews with
parents are presented in a qualitative descriptive form.
FINDING AND DISCUSSION
The results of the study indicated that there are several types of violence
perpetrated by parents against children which may be carried out unintentionally without
the intention of committing violence against children. In this study the types of violence
found consisted of physical violence, verbal violence, and emotional violence. Researchers
did not find any sexual violence and child exploitation.
Physical Violences
Physical violence is the easiest type of violence for parents to understand and
realize. The results of the study show that most parents never committed physical
violence. However, there are still parents who tend to use physical violence in punishing
their children.
 Invisible Domestic Violences: How Parents did Emotional and Verbal Violences – Yusri 4

Never Rarely Sometimes Often Always

0% 0%

8%

24%

68%

Chart 1. Frequency of Physical Violence experienced by children

Physical violences experienced by children such as being hit and pinched. The
physical violences were done by parents as a form of punishment for children for
committing misbehavior such as fighting with their friends at school, not doing
schoolwork, and several other misbehaviors. The data shows that parents consciously
carry out this form of physical violence against their children for certain reasons. Physical
violence in question is violence that does not cause scars and does not hurt children
excessively. In the study of child protection, even though the violence that is committed
does not cause scars and does not hurt the child excessively, it is still categorized as
violence and should not be done by parents against children. Several studies have
emphasized the concept of zero tolerance regarding violence against children (Heitzeq,
2009; Casella, 2003; Kodelja, 2019). The concept of zero tolerance for violence can be
defined that whatever the reason and whatever the form of violence is, violence is violence
and this behavior should not be done to children
Verbal Violences
Verbal violence is a type of violence that tends to be carried out by parents at home
either intentionally or unintentionally. There are 2 types of verbal violence that are often
carried out by parents, namely calling children with certain names (name calling) and
yelling or threatening children. The data shows that most parents still sometimes call their
children with certain names that are identical to their physical, cognitive abilities, and
behavior. Some of the nicknames that parents often say are stupid, slow, lazy, fat, greedy,
and several other nicknames. The results of interviews with parents showed that none of
the participants understood that calling a child with a certain name that had the potential
to demean the child could be categorized as verbal violence.
5 Indonesian Journal of Educational Studies Vol.26, No.1, June 2023

Never Rarely Sometimes Often Always

0%

12%

34% 8%

46%

Chart 2. Calling Children with Specific Names (name calling)

Parents considered that this is a normal to do because they do not see a child's rejection
response when called or nicknamed by that nickname. Parents' lack of understanding
about this tends to be one of the factors that causes this type of verbal violence to be
sometimes or often done by parents. The findings of this study are in accordance with
several previous studies which explain that some parents and teachers tend to have a habit
of labeling students or calling children with certain names that have the potential to
demean children (Takalapeta, 2014; Suharmawan & Triwahyuni, 2022; Prihartiningsih et al.,
2020). The studies also explain that there is a relationship between the parent’s knowledge
and the intensity of verbal violence behavior in children. Lack of understanding about
violence and the impact it causes can be one of the factors that causes parents to do verbal
violences to their children
Never Rarely Sometimes Often Always
0%

12%
21%
6%

61%

Chart 3. Yelling at or threatening a child

Apart from calling children with certain terms, other research data shows that
parents still sometimes shout or threaten children as a form of controlling children's
behavior. In fact, the data shows that 21% of children often get verbal violence either in the
form of yelling or threats from their parents. Parents sometimes yell and threaten children
 Invisible Domestic Violences: How Parents did Emotional and Verbal Violences – Yusri 6

when they misbehave either at school, at home, or in the community. Some parents
consciously threaten and yell at their children to stop their child's misbehavior. However,
some parents tend to be emotional and do not consciously issue words that are
threatening and yelling at their children. Therefore, one of the skills that must be
possessed by parents is how to control their emotions when interacting with children,
because a lack of emotional control will potentially result in unwanted behaviors (Farhan
et al., 2018; Morris et al., 2007)
Emotional Violence
One other form of violence that parents tend to commit to their children is
emotional violence. This type of violence is closely related to other violence, because in
essence all types of violence will affect the emotional aspects of children. emotional
violence can be defined as attitudes or behaviors that interfere with a child's social
development or mental health. The emotional violence found in this study is the attitude
of parents who always compare their children with other children, be it siblings or other
children.

Never Rarely Sometimes Often Always

0%

8%
8%
40%

44%

Chart 4. Comparing children with other siblings

Data shows that most parents still sometimes compare their children with other
children in terms of achievement, behavior, and physical appearance. There are even 40%
of children who often get this violent behavior from their parents. The high level of violent
behavior tends to be caused because parents do not understand that this behavior can be
categorized as a violence, and parents are not aware of the impact of this behavior on
children's emotional development. Parents tend to compare their children with other
children or siblings to motivate their children to be better or to behave and achieve like
other children, even though what these parents do has the potential to have a negative
impact on children. Emotional violence has a negative impact on the emotional and
psychological development of children. Emotional violence, especially behavior that tends
to degrade children by comparing children with other children, tends to have a negative
impact on children's self-esteem and self-confidence, this emotional violence can make
children feel depressed, anxious, or even want to commit suicide (Mueller & Tronick, 2019;
Nguyen et al., 2019; Yule et al., 2019).
7 Indonesian Journal of Educational Studies Vol.26, No.1, June 2023

Neglect
Violence in the form of neglect can be defined as acts of violence experienced by
children which result in non-fulfillment of the child's basic needs for physical, intellectual,
emotional, social, and spiritual growth and development from their parents. One of the
examples given in this study was during school from home (SFH) during the pandemic
Covid 19. Parents have the responsibility to accompany their children to learn during school
from home, because when parents do not accompany their children or do not try to find
someone to accompany their child to study can be categorized as neglect. Assistance that
people do in this case is how parents ensure that children follow the learning process
properly by checking the child's learning progress regularly, monitoring children directly
during the learning process, and several other forms of activity

Never Rarely Sometimes Often Always

4%

8%

16% 48%

24%

Chart 5. Accompanying Children during school from home

Data shows that there are 48% of children who never received parental assistance
while studying from home, and another 24% of children say they rarely receive guidance or
assistance from their parents. There are several factors that cause children not to get
assistance such as busy parents, parents not understanding learning material, and parents
not realizing that they have to accompany and pay attention to their children during school
from home (Susilowati & Azzasofia, 2020; Ilmanto et al., 2021). In addition, parents also
tend not to realize that what they are doing includes neglect of children and can be
categorized as violence against children.
How Parents Define Violence
To find out parents' understanding of violence, they were given a survey to write
down what behaviors they could categorize as violence against children. The survey results
are then accumulated so that it can be seen how parents define violence according to what
they understand.
 Invisible Domestic Violences: How Parents did Emotional and Verbal Violences – Yusri 8

Table 1. Examples of violence behavior based on parent’s understanding

No Example of Behaviours Percentage
1 Hiting 100%
2 Kicking 92%
3 Pinching 86%
4 Tripping 80%
5 Scolding 80%
6 Throwing to the children with goods 74%
7 Snapping 56%
8 threaten 48%
9 confine 22%
10 Condescending 12%

Parents tend to define violence only as physical; it can be seen in table 1 that most
parents only write down physical violence behavior compared to other types of violence.
Physical violent behavior in question includes hitting, kicking, pinching, twisting, and
throwing objects. In addition, some parents defined verbal violence as violence even
though the percentage is lower, such as scolding, threatening, yelling, and demeaning
children. Based on these data, it can be concluded that parents tend not to understand
that there are other behaviors that they have the potential to do and can be categorized
as violence. They tend to only think that violence only consists of physical violence and
verbal violence, even though there are other forms of violence such as emotional violence,
neglect, and sexual violence.
This finding explains that most of the forms of violence perpetrated by parents
against children that have been described in the previous data tend to be unnoticed by
parents. Takalapeta (2014), Suharmawan & Triwahyuni (2022), Prihartiningsih et al. (2020)
explained that there is a relationship between the parent’s understanding and the
intensity of violences perpetrated by parents against children. Lack of understanding
about violence and the impact it causes can be one of the factors that causes parents to
abuse children. Research recommendations that can be concluded based on research
findings are important to provide understanding to parents about forms of violence
against children and the potential negative impacts that may arise. Therefore, to overcome
violent behavior towards children in the home environment or in the school environment,
the form of intervention that can be carried out for adults is to increase understanding
about violence.
CONCLUSION
There are 3 points that can be concluded as research findings including 1) parents
still tend to commit various forms of violence against children such as physical violence,
verbal violence, emotional violence, and neglect. This violent behavior is carried out for
various reasons, both consciously and unconsciously. 2) Parents tend to understand that
violence only consists of physical violence and verbal violence. This shows that there is still
a lack of understanding of parents about the types of violence and the potential negative
impacts resulting from violent behavior, 3) there is a relationship between the lack of
understanding of parents about violence and the potential for violence perpetrated by
parents against children. This study also recommends that it is important to conduct
9 Indonesian Journal of Educational Studies Vol.26, No.1, June 2023

interventions for parents that focus on increasing parents' understanding of the types of
violence and the negative impacts caused as a form of preventing domestic violence.
REFERENCES
Beckmann, L. (2021). Does parental warmth buffer the relationship between parent-to-
child physical and verbal aggression and adolescent behavioural and emotional
adjustment?. Journal of Family Studies, 27(3), 366-387.
Casella, R. (2003). Zero tolerance policy in schools: Rationale, consequences, and
alternatives. Teachers College Record, 105(5), 872-892.
Fang, Z., Cerna-Turoff, I., Zhang, C., Lu, M., Lachman, J. M., & Barlow, J. (2022). Global
estimates of violence against children with disabilities: an updated systematic
review and meta-analysis. The Lancet Child & Adolescent Health.
Farhan, Z., Suharta, D., & Ratnasari, D. (2018). Faktor-faktor yang melatarbelakangi orang
tua melakukan verbal abuse pada anak usia sekolah 6-12 tahun di Kabupaten
Garut. Jurnal Keperawatan Malang, 3(2), 101-108.
Ferrara, P., Franceschini, G., Villani, A., & Corsello, G. (2019). Physical, psychological and
social impact of school violence on children. Italian journal of pediatrics, 45(1), 1-
4.
Gracia, E., Rodriguez, C. M., Martín-Fernández, M., & Lila, M. (2020). Acceptability of family
violence: Underlying ties between intimate partner violence and child abuse.
Journal of interpersonal violence, 35(17-18), 3217-3236.
Heitzeg, N. A. (2009). Education or incarceration: Zero tolerance policies and the school to
prison pipeline. In Forum on public policy online (Vol. 2009, No. 2). Oxford Round
Table. 406 West Florida Avenue, Urbana, IL 61801.
Humphreys, K. L., Myint, M. T., & Zeanah, C. H. (2020). Increased risk for family violence
during the COVID-19 pandemic. Pediatrics, 146(1).
Ilmanto, A. H., Fahyuni, E. F., & Harahap, A. (2021). The problems of online learning: The
role of parents during the Covid-19 pandemic. Nazhruna: Jurnal Pendidikan Islam,
4(2), 284-293.
Kodelja, Z. (2019). Violence in schools: zero tolerance policies. Ethics and Education, 14(2),
247-257.
Lase, D., Zega, T. G. C., Daeli, D. O., & Zaluchu, S. E. (2022). Parents' perceptions of distance
learning during COVID-19 in rural Indonesia. Journal of Education and Learning
(EduLearn), 16(1), 103-113.
Machado, A., Hines, D., & Douglas, E. M. (2020). Male victims of female-perpetrated
partner violence: A qualitative analysis of men’s experiences, the impact of
violence, and perceptions of their worth. Psychology of Men & Masculinities,
21(4), 612.
Mahfud, M., & Rizanizarli, R. (2021). Domestic Violence against Women in Indonesia: The
Recent Domestic Violence Elimination Law Analysis. Fiat Justisia: Jurnal Ilmu
Hukum, 15(4), 385-398.
Morris, A. S., Silk, J. S., Steinberg, L., Myers, S. S., & Robinson, L. R. (2007). The role of the
family context in the development of emotion regulation. Social development,
16(2), 361-388.
Mueller, I., & Tronick, E. (2019). Early life exposure to violence: Developmental
consequences on brain and behavior. Frontiers in behavioral neuroscience, 13,
156.
 Invisible Domestic Violences: How Parents did Emotional and Verbal Violences – Yusri 10

Nguyen, K. H., Kegler, S. R., Chiang, L., & Kress, H. (2019). Effects of poly-victimization
before age 18 on health outcomes in young Kenyan adults: Violence against
children survey. Violence and victims, 34(2), 229-242.
Nisa, M. P. (2021). Critical Review of Domestic Violence as Reason for Divorce (Comparison
of Divorce Laws in Indonesia, Malaysia and the Maldives). AL-IHKAM: Jurnal
Hukum & Pranata Sosial, 16(1), 1-23.
Pereda, N., & Díaz-Faes, D. A. (2020). Family violence against children in the wake of COVID-
19 pandemic: a review of current perspectives and risk factors. Child and
adolescent psychiatry and mental health, 14(1), 40.
Pereda, N., & Díaz-Faes, D. A. (2020). Family violence against children in the wake of COVID-
19 pandemic: a review of current perspectives and risk factors. Child and
adolescent psychiatry and mental health, 14(1), 40.
Prihatiningsih, A. D., Hidayat, A., ST, S., Keb, M., Satriyandari, Y., & ST, S. (2020). Hubungan
Pengetahuan Orang Tua dengan Perilaku Kekerasan Verbal pada Anak (Doctoral
dissertation, Universitas' Aisyiyah Yogyakarta).
Sitompul, R., Alesyanti, & Ridwan, M. (2020). Domestic violence as initiated by Batak
culture in East Medan, Indonesia. Journal of Human Behavior in the Social
Environment, 30(7), 835-842.
Steketee, M., Aussems, C., & Marshall, I. H. (2021). Exploring the impact of child
maltreatment and interparental violence on violent delinquency in an
international sample. Journal of interpersonal violence, 36(13-14), NP7319-NP7349
Suárez-Relinque, C., del Moral Arroyo, G., León-Moreno, C., & Callejas Jerónimo, J. E.
(2019). Child-to-parent violence: Which parenting style is more protective? A
study with Spanish adolescents. International journal of environmental research
and public health, 16(8), 1320.
Suharmawan, W., & Triwahyuni, E. (2022). Dampak Psikologis Labeling Bagi Siswa Smp.
Consilium: Education and Counseling Journal, 2(2), 35-45.
Susilowati, E., & Azzasyofia, M. (2020). The parents stress level in facing children study
from home in the early of covid-19 pandemic in Indonesia. International journal
of science and society, 2(3), 1-12.
Takalapeta, T. (2014). Kekerasan Verbal oleh Guru dalam Pembelajaran di SMA Negeri Kota
Kupang (Doctoral dissertation, Program Studi Psikologi FPSI-UKSW).
Thompson-Walsh, C., Scott, K. L., Lishak, V., & Dyson, A. (2021). How domestically violent
fathers impact children’s social-emotional development: Fathers’ psychological
functioning, parenting, and coparenting. Child Abuse & Neglect, 112, 104866.
Yule, K., Houston, J., & Grych, J. (2019). Resilience in children exposed to violence: A meta-
analysis of protective factors across ecological contexts. Clinical child and family
psychology review, 22, 406-431.