Self Esteem

Self Esteem
YOUR ULTIMATE GUIDE TO HELP YOU

DEVELOP CONFIDENCE
DANIEL PATRA
Disclaimer Notice:
The information in this book should be regarded as a

guideline to assist the reader on their own journey to
increasing his or her self-esteem and to obtain a higher level
of self-acceptance, self-love and self-improvement.
Table of Contents
The 30 Day Self Esteem Challenge...............................1

Introduction....................................................................5
Introduction to Self Esteem...........................................5
Aspects which affect the Self-Esteem...........................9
How Self-Esteem Affects Your Life...........................23
Common Signs of Low Self-Esteem...........................26
Symptoms from an Emotional Perspective..................36
Body Language and Low Self-Esteem........................44
Common Causes of Low Self-Esteem.........................51
Starting Your 30 Day Challenge..................................61
30 Day Challenge........................................................67
Conclusion.................................................................173
Books to Read............................................................174
DANIEL PATRA 5
Introduction
This book is a guide that helps you to simplify your

pursuit of success in order to optimize your personal
development and lead an easier life.
Many of us waste a lot of time and resources waiting to
be lead. We eventually discover late in life that had we
started leading our lives rather than waiting to be lead,
our lives would have been much easier and more
successful. No one owns your life but you. Thus, you
must lead it. If you haven’t been leading your life, there
is no need to regret. This is the time to take ownership
of your destiny.
When you are not in charge of your life, it becomes
extremely complex and frustrating. However, when you
take the lead of your life, it becomes easier as you don’t
waste time waiting for others to chart your destiny. No
one knows your destiny except you. You are the best
leader on that path to your destiny.
It is only when your life becomes easier that it really
becomes life! Before then, you are simply living a life
but not achieving a life. To achieve a life, you must
continually keep arriving at the best of it each and
every moment in each and every day. To arrive at the
best of your life, you must simplify your pursuit of it
such that you increasingly sacrifice less to continually
achieve more.
To optimize your life, that is, to make it the best that

can be, is indeed to achieve the highest degree of your
personal development.
The word “Self-Esteem” is generally defined as the

confidence in one’s own worth and/or abilities and the
satisfaction in oneself.
It signifies various aspects of a person, such as self-

respect, dignity, self-regard, faith in oneself, self-confidence,
self-assurance and morale.
Thus, there are various layers that make up our own

personal level of self-esteem and these various aspects have
different effects and meanings to each and every person.
DANIEL PATRA 7
INTRODUCTION TO SELF-ESTEEM
It may well be an unknown fact to many, that our self-

esteem affects more areas of our lives, than most people
realize or would dare to admit.
Having low self-esteem could prevent one from living the

life of your dreams and having stable and loving personal
relationships. It can prevent you from landing the job of your
dreams.
It can also affect your professional relationships and the

way you relate to your colleagues and/or your boss. It can
further prevent you from finding the right life partner. In
short, low self-esteem can cause anxiety, added stress,
feelings of despair and even result in depression for some.
But, when your self-esteem is high, you may well find that
you will experience more success in various areas of your
life, not only your personal life and personal relationships,
but also in your place of employment.
8 Self Esteem
You will experience a general feeling of joy, happiness
and an overall feeling of wellbeing. You will have zest for life,
a desire to do things and to succeed at all that you wish to
accomplish. You will have a general positive outlook on life.
Furthermore, a high level of self-esteem will enhance

your ability to deal with and/or resolve any problems, issues
or challenges that may arise in your life. As your outlook and
approach towards these issues will be from a positive
standpoint.
We can break self-esteem down into various facets and it

not only plays an integral part in our physical wellbeing, but
also our mental, emotional and spiritual wellbeing as a
whole. (Looking at it from a holistic point of view).
Self-esteem cannot be defined as consisting of one

component only, it includes the way you perceive your
physical appearance, the way you view your relationships on
all levels. This includes your goals and aspirations, your
beliefs, your thoughts, as well as your surroundings.
What we need to acknowledge when discussing or

evaluating ones level of self-esteem, is the fact that there are
DANIEL PATRA 9
also various external factors which play an integral part in
ones level of self-esteem.
What needs to be considered is the way in which you are

perceived by others as a person. This relates to one’s family,
friends, acquaintances and also your colleagues; the outside
world in general. As people’s opinion does affect one at the
end of the day.
Then there are also other external factors, such as the

media (to mention one). We constantly see images of people
on billboards, television and magazine covers etc. These are
mostly images of people who appear flawless.
Another factor to consider, is that we are living such fast

paced lives and there is constant competition, to look your
best, to find the best job, to get that promotion that you
have had your eye on and the list goes on and on.
Your job and your surroundings also play an important

role in your self-esteem. If you are unhappy in your job or the
area and/or circumstances which you live in, this can also
lead to a lower level of self-esteem.
10 Self Esteem
So, ultimately we can say that if there is something
lacking in any of these areas in your life, it can affect your
level of self-esteem. But not only so, it can also affect your
level of emotional and mental wellbeing.
We can therefore conclude that self-esteem ultimately

plays a fundamental part in one’s general level of happiness
and overall sense of wellbeing, as a person.
Chapter 1
Aspects which affect the

Self-Esteem
As mentioned earlier, there are various aspects which

affect the self-esteem. These aspects can be simplified and
broken down as follows:
• Physical Appearance
• Perception
• Emotional Wellbeing
• Your Goals and your Purpose
• External Factors and Surroundings
We will go into much deeper detail on each of these

aspects. We will look into the internal factors, as well as the
external factors which have an effect on these five aspects.
12 Self Esteem
PHYSICAL APPEARANCE
This relates to how you perceive yourself. How you feel

about your physical features and your body. This includes
things such as your weight, your eye and hair color, to the
shape of your nose, your face and your body as a whole.
We should consider the fact that we live in an era where

physical appearance is of the utmost importance. People
spend hours in the gym and millions of dollars are spent
yearly on skin care products, as well as anti-aging products.
This is not to mention cosmetic surgery - all to enhance ones’
appearance.
It has also become more and more common nowadays

for people to frequent Beauty Salons and Health Spas for
facials, manicures and pedicures, as well as relaxing
massages. Amongst these visitors, you will also find a lot of
men frequenting Health Spas.
Apart from the internal aspects, such as ones inner

perception of yourself; there are also many external factors,
relating to appearance, which play an integral part in our
self-esteem. We are constantly bombarded by the media
DANIEL PATRA 13
with various images of what people are expected to look
like.
People have also become more fashion conscious, some

at a very young age. But trends are constantly changing and
what was the “in thing” yesterday, may not be so cool the
following day. It is therefore sometimes challenging to keep
up with the latest trends. This can add extra pressure to
some.
We are also generally conditioned from a very young age,

to believe what is socially acceptable when it comes to our
physical appearance and our dress code, as well as our social
stance and behavior.
Therefore, we grow up believing that we should all “look

a certain way” and dress and act in a certain manner. By the
time we hit puberty, we are so prone to becoming self-
conscious, that many teenagers join the gym or find
themselves on diets and living according to a specific health
regime.
Then, by the time we think that we have survived

puberty, the next phase comes, when we start working and
find ourselves frequenting Beauty Salons, Health Spas and
14 Self Esteem
buying various skin care and anti-aging products, all in an
effort to maintain a certain “level” of physical appearance
and to look younger.
Great emphasis is placed on our physical appearance and

many do not seem to realize the implications which this has
on ones self-esteem. Many people suffer from low self-
esteem specifically due to this emphasis. This can have harsh
effects on ones self-esteem.
Although we can agree that the importance of physical

appearance does have its rightful place in our lives, we
should never let this be the main aspect of ourselves, by
which we measure our attractiveness, our personal level or
feelings of worthiness, happiness or success.
Thus, in short, the way in which you perceive your

appearance and how you feel about your body can
determine your level of self-esteem. This can ultimately
make or break ones self-esteem.
Be who you are, be proud of it, live it and own it!
PERCEPTION
DANIEL PATRA 15
This relates to how you perceive yourself as a person.
This does not only relate to the way you view the “physical”
you, but how you see yourself as a whole. It includes your
perception of your personal and professional life.
It also includes your perception of your personal and

professional relationships. It further relates to how you
perceive your surroundings, what your circumstances are
and where you are at in your life.
Perception is probably one of the biggest culprits in our

lives, as your perception of yourself or others could
sometimes be completely wrong. The manner in which you
perceive yourself, may well be the complete opposite of
what others see in you.
Yet, each of us have our own specific view of ourselves.

We perceive ourselves in a certain manner and this
perception is affected by our personal beliefs and to a
certain extent it is also affected by external factors, such as
how we were brought up and how others perceive us.
Having a positive perception about yourself is not

something you wake up doing one morning, it takes time
16 Self Esteem
and practice. It is therefore important to spend quality time
assessing yourself and getting to know yourself.
This self-knowledge is vital for building a healthy level of

self-esteem. If you are confident in who and what you are,
you will not only gain self-confidence, but you will perceive
yourself in a positive and loving manner.
Once your perception of yourself changes to that of a

loving and positive nature, it will be easier for others to
perceive you in the same way. What you see in yourself, is
what you will portray to the outside world.
To take this one level further, perception also comes into

play with regards to your life and surroundings. What you
see in your life and how you perceive your current situation
and surrounding also plays an integral part in your self-
esteem.
If you are unhappy in your life or with your surroundings,

this will have an effect of your self-esteem. But if you view
your life from a place of positivity and gratitude, you will
most likely have a higher level of self-esteem and general
sense of happiness.
DANIEL PATRA 17
How others perceive us also affects our self-esteem, as
most people are critical on themselves already and take the
views and opinions of others to heart. If we feel that we are
viewed as less worthy or less attractive than another, we
automatically allow this viewpoint to lower our self-esteem.
Most people make this mistake to add value to the

opinions, comments and/or judgements of others and land
up paying the price for it. They land up experiencing feelings
of unworthiness and/or feelings of inferiority.
Once again, this can lower ones self-esteem substantially

and also cause further anxiety and/or feelings of despair.
Give yourself a boost of confidence, by perceiving

yourself in a positive manner!
18 Self Esteem
EMOTIONAL WELLBEING
This relates to how you feel at any given time in your life,
about your appearance, your personal and professional
relationships, your personal and professional life (your job)
and your surroundings. Basically in a nutshell, how you
experience life in general.
There are various factors which affect our emotional

wellbeing. Once again, these being internal and external
factors. One internal factor would be where the emotional
wellbeing of a person is affected by chemical imbalances
within the body. But, we are not going into any detail on this.
As these scenarios call for proper medical diagnosis. But it is
important to remember this.
“Internal” also refers to your personal feelings and this

originally stems from your general perception of your life as
a whole.
Therefore, if you already have a negative perception of

yourself, your circumstances and your life as a whole, then
chances are that you will not feel happy, satisfied and/or
DANIEL PATRA 19
fulfilled within your life. You will probably experience
feelings of anxiety, stress and possible despair.
You can therefore see how all these aspects are

intertwined and if there is anything lacking in one aspect of
our lives or our perception as such, then everything else will
be out of sync as well. Much like a “ripple effect” the one
aspect spills into the other.
It is much like an entire network and it is therefore

important to maintain a positive perspective, if we wish to
obtain and/or maintain a general feeling of emotional
wellbeing. However, this also affects our physical wellbeing.
It does so happen at times, that we feel “less happy” or

less positive on a specific day and this can also be
contributed to various external factors.
This is where your professional life (your job) and your

surroundings come into play. We have all probably had a day
at work, which left us feeling emotionally drained and/or
frustrated in some way.
Even world events or events in our society can affect our

emotional state of wellbeing. Although we are individuals,
20 Self Esteem
we are all affected by the same “negative” experiences in
some or other way. But, some more than others.
Therefore, if you wish to experience emotional wellbeing,

it is vitally important to ensure that your perception is
positive at all times.
The best way to achieve this is by remembering that you

have the “power of choice” – you can choose how you wish
to feel. You can choose to be happy or choose to be sad (or
you can choose to be positive or you can choose to be
negative).
You have the freedom to choose… choose wisely!
YOUR GOALS AND YOUR PURPOSE
This relates to your personal goals and aspirations for

yourself and the ultimate goal for your life. You also need to
consider your life purpose and whether you are living your
life according to that purpose.
We are taught from a very young age to set goals for

ourselves, whether it be academic, to achieve high grades in
DANIEL PATRA 21
a specific subject; or to participate in certain sports and gain
recognition for our sports achievements.
As we grow older and we start working, our goals and

aspirations change. This also happens due to the fact that
our priorities in life change. Some people get married very
young and this instantly changes ones’ goals and aspirations.
Some people may decide that their goal is to travel the

globe, before eventually settling down and starting a family.
Others may decide to continue their studies after high
school, in pursuit of a specific career.
Whatever one decides to focus on, the fact remains is

that everyone sets goals for themselves. These goals do not
have to be majestic any size goal is still a goal.
Our goals and aspirations are also affected by external

factors, such as money, society, the countries we live in and
the laws by which our countries are governed.
If your goal is to further your studies after high school,
but you do not have the necessary funding, chances are that
you would possibly have to “rethink” your goals. It does so
happen that people cannot afford to further their studies
and they have to go out and find a job instead.
22 Self Esteem
Depending on what your goals are and the society or

country you live in does not permit certain things (or that
which you aspire to do) then once again, you would have to
“rethink” your goals.
Your personal goals also affect your self-esteem. For

instance, if your goal is to further your studies and obtain a
degree, but you do not have the necessary funding. You
would have to “rethink” that goal or let is go altogether,
right?
This can affect ones’ level of self-esteem and leave one

feeling despondent. You may be forced to find a job instead
and this can create further unnecessary anxiety and stress.
After such an experience, many may choose to no longer

set any goals, as they feel that these goals are unobtainable
and this in turn affects your perception of your life in
general.
Not everyone will give up hope that easily, but the fact
remains is that many people do become despondent after
such experiences.
DANIEL PATRA 23
Therefore, you can see once again, how all these aspects
are intertwined and a lack in any of these aspect of our lives
creates havoc and results in low self-esteem.
The trick is to set realistic goals for yourself and once you
have achieved them, to reward yourself. Then you may
decide on the next goal and so forth.
Your life purpose is also of great importance, as not living

your purpose can also affect your self-esteem. But, if you are
one of the fortunate few, to live according to your life’s
purpose, you will not only gain a high level of self-esteem,
but also experience satisfaction and great joy in your life.
Goals are like tiny seeds which give our hearts hope…
EXTERNAL FACTORS AND SURROUNDINGS
This relates to every external element which has an effect

on your personal and professional life and relationships. It
also relates to every element which has any effect or bearing
on your perception and your emotions.
24 Self Esteem
This also includes your surroundings, not only on a
personal level, such as the area you live in and your home.
But, also relates to your surroundings in your professional
capacity at work; such as the area you work in and the actual
office space.
Another external factor would be your relationship with

your family and friends and their general perception about
you. As well as your relationship with the people in and
around your workplace.
Over and above these external factors mentioned thus

far, the media can also be added to this list. The suburb you
live in, society in general, as well as the country you live in
and the laws by which your country is governed.
There is also the added influence of technology, such as

social media sites and the internet. All these things play an
integral part in our self-esteem, as we are constantly
touched and influenced by these things.
These factors can either influence us in a positive way, to

embark on a journey of self-betterment or we can fall prey to
experiencing low self-esteem. This is different for everyone
DANIEL PATRA 25
as not everyone perceives everything the same way. Neither
does anyone react in the same way.
To prevent any negative influence from rubbing off on us

and resulting in low self-esteem, it is important to decide
what we wish to place our focus on.
We also need to decide which goals and aspirations are

more important to us and whether we will allow external
factors to mar our progress and personal growth.
Although it may be impossible to remove any and/or all of

these external factors from our lives, it is not impossible to
avoid them to a certain extent. We have the power to
choose what we will or will not be affected by.
In order to so, it is important to know oneself and what

your beliefs are. When one lives in self-awareness, it is easier
to decide whether you will allow certain things to have any
effect on your life.
Another way in which not to allow external factors to

have too big an influence on your life, is by being educated
on life and not being gullible to accept and/or believe
26 Self Esteem
everything you read or hear. Once again, you have the power
of choice.
You can also avoid the effects of these external factors,

by choosing your thoughts and emotions carefully. When we
have a positive outlook on life, we are generally happier and
it is easier to be objective about that which we allow into our
lives.
It is ultimately important to remember that you are in

charge of the choices you make, so choose wisely.
Don’t allow your mind to become a receptor of all

external influences…
Chapter 2
How Self-Esteem Affects

Your Life
We can witness the effects of low self-esteem around us

every day and everywhere we go. It can be seen in failing
relationships, there are people who feel lonely and/or
isolated. Some underachieve academically and it is also
evident from reckless and/or irresponsible behavior.
On the other hand, high self-esteem can also bring along

its own set of problems or challenges. If you have a very high
self-esteem, some may perceive you as being arrogant or
even boastful. So you would need to establish what your
(personal) healthy level would be, for you.
Low self-esteem can affect our relationships, it can cause

one to cut yourself off from society – you don’t want to
socialize and your friendships ultimately start taking a knock.
One tends to withdraw from social situations and/or
gatherings and stop trying new things. One also tends to
avoid things which we find challenging in any way.
Some people also tend to get involved in destructive

behavior, such as smoking, excessive drinking and the use of
various other substances.
Low self-esteem can ultimately prevent you from living

the life you may feel you ought to be living. It can prevent
you from following your dreams and achieving your goals,
leaving you with further feelings of worthlessness.
The problem in this is that once we get caught in such a

pattern of thought that “we are not good enough”, or that
we are unable to do something; we start behaving in such a
way. We are then also perceived by others as “not being
good enough” or not being able to do certain things.
In the short term by not facing any challenges or not

doing certain things we tend to “feel safe”. But in the long
run, by avoiding challenges and not doing certain things, we
reinforce our own doubts and fears.
Unfortunately, this ultimately teaches one that the best

way of coping with anything would be to “avoid it
altogether”. Although this may serve as a “safety blanket” in
one’s life at that time, this is not the solution or the journey
to healing ones’ low self-esteem.
DANIEL PATRA 29
KEEPING YOUR SELF-ESTEEM IN CHECK
It is vitally important to keep your self-esteem in check, as

when you view yourself, your strengths and even your
weaknesses from a positive viewpoint, you will be generally
more objective about how you are living your life. You will
also look at the future with a positive attitude, without the
fear of failure.
Your goal should therefore be not to have too high a level

of self-esteem, but to find an “even balance”. You need to
obtain a point where you feel comfortable with who you are
and where you are at in your life.
A healthy level of self-esteem will have you feeling

worthy, you will have confidence in your relationship with
your friends, family and the outside world. You will generally
feel more sociable and take better care of your body and
health. You will experience an overall feeling of wellbeing.
Chapter 3
Common Signs of Low Self-

Esteem
In order to help ourselves from falling into the trap of

having low self-esteem, it is important to know what the
symptoms or the warning signs are. Then we can address
whatever the cause is and work on bettering that aspect of
ourselves and turning it into a positive.
We exude our state of emotional wellbeing to the outside

world. Thus, how we feel and what we think about can be
seen by those who cross our path. We attract what we put
out into the world – this is known as the “law of attraction”.
So, when our self-esteem is low, we will attract more of
the same into our lives.
But when we have a healthy level of self-esteem, we will

attract more positivity, joy, happiness and a sense of
wellbeing and abundance into our lives. We will find that life
DANIEL PATRA 31
will have more appeal to us than when our self-esteem is
low.
When we are happy and have a healthy level of self-

esteem, we have the desire to do things and a desire to
achieve and better our lives. You then have a sense of zest
for life, which may also urge you to live a very sociable life.
We do experience days where we feel a little “down” but
this is where it is important to know what the signs and
symptoms are of low self-esteem, so you can take action, if
action is needed.
Some of the most common signs of low self-esteem that

one should look out for, are the following:
• Lack of confidence
• Fearful behavior
• Inability to be assertive
• Pretentiousness
• Anti-social behavior
• Indecisiveness
32 Self Esteem
• Rebelliousness
• Lack of generosity or empathy
• Materialism
LACK OF CONFIDENCE
When we have low self-esteem, this results in a lack of

self-confidence. People who have low self-confidence have
little or no faith in themselves and/or their abilities. They
normally seek the approval of others. Although they may not
really need their approval, these individuals have a dire need
to feel appreciated.
Generally, people who have low self-confidence do not

have a very high opinion of themselves and may experience
a feeling that they somehow “fall short” in comparison to
others. Some also tend to appear shy or introverted.
Another sign of low self-confidence is boastfulness. Some

people boast about their existent and/or non-existent
achievements. They have a need to feel superior to others,
but in reality they know that they are not over-achievers and
DANIEL PATRA 33
they are in actual fact not really achieving anything better
than anyone else.
Confidence and self-esteem affect how we think, how we

feel about ourselves and about others and also how
successful we deem ourselves to be.
34 Self Esteem
FEARFUL BEHAVIOR
Generally, these individuals are fearful of everything in

life. They will try to hide themselves from anybody, be
invisible, blend into a crowd and make themselves
insignificant.
Such individuals generally have a fear of change and a

fear of trying new things in life. They do not particularly
enjoy facing new situations in their lives. They prefer not to
draw any attention to themselves.
Some people also have a fear of attending functions

where they are faced by the possibility of meeting new
people and their uncertainty of how they will fit in.
This could also include a fear of travelling alone and a fear
of taking risks in life. For some, this even includes the fear of
leaving their home. (Which serves as a “safety blanket” for
them.
They generally prefer for things to stay as they are. These

individuals are also prone to pleasing and/or obeying
everyone except themselves.
DANIEL PATRA 35
INABILITY TO BE ASSERTIVE
These individuals generally find it very difficult to say

“no” to anybody or even stand up for their own rights. They
are unable to assert themselves.
People who lack of assertiveness find it difficult to

express their opinions, their feelings and their beliefs
towards others in an open and honest manner.
Individuals who lack assertiveness generally have an

inability to put their own ideas and thoughts forward. They
are also often not straight forward and tend to sell
themselves short. They may also come across to others as
being submissive.
These individuals are generally non-confrontational, as

they feel unable to defend themselves and to stand up for
what they believe. They may land up in situations where they
are under too much pressure, but are unable to say so.
On a negative note, they can often be aggressive. But,

this aggression is indicative of “false inner strength”. These
36 Self Esteem
individuals are not aggressive; as aggressive behavior is
more indicative of self-enhancing behavior.
Being assertive means having the ability to “speak your

mind” (in a gentle manner) and to say “no” when you really
feel the need to…
PRETENTIOUSNESS
These individuals pretend to be someone or something

which they are not, purely for the purpose of keeping up
appearances. They spend money that they cannot really
afford to and tend to buy things that they do not really need.
They will generally try to impress everyone in any

possible way they can. These individual have a dire need to
be admired and respected by others. They also have a need
to fit in and be accepted.
At a social gathering, these individuals could be labelled

as the “light of the party”. They generally enjoy attention
and tend to overspend when entertaining friends and family.
DANIEL PATRA 37
They tend to overcompensate with material possessions,
but also in the manner in which they come across to others.
It is not about making other people feel bad about
themselves. It is more about their need to feel good about
themselves.
ANTI-SOCIAL BEHAVIOR
These individuals are often also attention seekers. As

they are generally ignored by people and will resort to doing
things that will gain the attention of others.
Sometimes these individuals will also commit acts which

attract negative attention. But, they perceive negative
attention as still being attention. To them some form of
attention is better than no attention at all.
Anti-social behavior is generally considered as either

disobedient or angry (aggressive) behavior or it may also be
considered as rebellious or uncooperative behavior.
People who show signs of anti-social behavior generally

tend to be withdrawn. They can resort to either aggressive
38 Self Esteem
or uncooperative behavior. But this depends on the
individual and various other factors.
Most of the time people tend to show signs of anti-social

behavior when they are in their teens. However, in such a
case where this is not just a “teenage phase”, these
teenagers can grow up having personality disorders later in
their lives.
A good example of anti-social behavior would be the

“very popular naughty child”.
INDECISIVENESS
These individuals find it difficult to make a decision. There

are various factors which may hinder their ability to make a
firm decision.
They have a fear of being criticized, judged and even a

lack of courage prohibit these individuals from making
decisions. Thus, absolving them from any form of
responsibility.
DANIEL PATRA 39
They can be indecisive about anything, from doing
something very small, choosing something from a menu, or
taking a new job. On a bigger scale they could be indecisive
about making serious life changing decisions.
Fear is one of the big driving forces behind indecisiveness

and can prevent these individuals from finding happiness,
from finding the right life partner and from changing their
lives.
This hinders self-growth, self-confidence and to an extent

ones level of independence and individuality. Thus, this can
also affect various areas of one’s life.
Not making a decision, is like choosing to do nothing at

all...
REBELLIOUS BEHAVIOR
These individuals will rebel either in a positive or a

negative way. This is another form of seeking attention
and/or getting their point across.
40 Self Esteem
Once again, also to these individuals any form of
attention, is still attention. Whether this is in a negative or a
positive form.
One good example of such behavior is when someone
has been told or urged not to do something and yet the
person will turn around and do exactly that, out of a sense of
“spite” to others.
There are individuals though, who will act rebelliously,

just for the sake of rebelling, despite the fact that they may
know that they are wrong in some way.
This can rather be seen as a cry for attention or help,

rather than an act performed out of sheer spite to another.
Sometimes these individuals do not even realize what signals
their behavior is sending out to others.
LACK OF GENEROSITY AND EMPATHY
These individuals lack a sense of generosity and empathy.

They perceive themselves as being underserving. They are
not really “givers”.
DANIEL PATRA 41
They cannot give, because for them they cannot receive,
as they feel unworthy of receiving. They find it difficult to
compliment others or even receive compliments themselves.
Generally, when these people receive a compliment, they

will not thank the person for it, but rather comment about
how old something is or respond with a question, such as
“are you really sure?”
This is not out of disrespect or ungratefulness, but rather

their own sense of unworthiness. They do not feel that they
are deserving of any compliments. This is nearly a foreign
concept to some.
For them it is even difficult to help others and to support

charities and/or donate money towards a worthy cause. They
tend to hold on to what they have and do not get rid of just
anything.
42 Self Esteem
MATERIALISM
These individuals attach a lot of value to material

possessions and wealth. They generally judge others not by
their qualities, but by their material possessions.
One will find that there exists a lot of competition in the

lives of people who are materialistic. There is always one
person competing with another and there is a dire need to
own the best of everything.
They would generally try to be “one up” on the next

person and these individuals are not necessarily shy about
showcasing their material possessions.
They generally tend to look down on those who are less

fortunate and to them the only people who really count are
people of the same monetary and/or social standing as
themselves.
They tend to perceive rich people to be more valuable

(and important) than poor people; irrespective of the
qualities which these people may possess.
Chapter 4
Symptoms from an
Emotional Perspective
From an emotional perspective, the following are also

symptoms or sings of low self-esteem:
• Depression
• Mixed emotions
• Hypersensitivity
• Emotional disconnectedness
• A sense of shyness
• Feelings of discouragement
• Fear and anxiety

44 Self Esteem
(The fear of making mistakes, the fear of being rejected,
or being perceived as inadequate or foolish)
DEPRESSION
Anyone can fall victim to depression. So, it is vitally

important to pay attention to our thoughts and feelings, in
order that we may realize when our self-esteem reaches a
low; giving us the opportunity to rectify the situation.
People can suffer various levels of depression and in mild

cases, one may find that you can treat the depression
yourself. This can be done by changing ones daily routine
and by using daily affirmations and positive thinking.
However, there are instances where someone may suffer

from a more severe level of depression and the cause of this
depression could also be due to a chemical and/or hormonal
imbalance.
In such cases as these, medication would be required to

assist the person in the overall process of dealing and/or
coping with depression. But, depression can be treated and
it is curable.
DANIEL PATRA 45
MIXED EMOTIONS
Many people have probably been faced by this at some

stage in their lives, when they have experienced mixed
emotions.
This mostly relates to important decisions or life changing

decisions which have to be made, where one would be
unable to decide on the right thing to do.
One can have mixed emotions not only about life

changing decisions, but also about any given situation and/or
even a person.
People can also experience mixed emotions when there

is something which hinders our sense of clear judgement
about something, or about a specific person and/or situation.
HYPERSENSITIVITY
46 Self Esteem
This also affects many people. People generally become
hypersensitive when they receive mostly criticism, instead of
the occasional praise.
Other’s high expectations of one can also play a part in

this, as we are constantly expected to perform better and
better and at our peak.
Sometimes one cannot keep up with that which is

expected of us and we land up experiencing feelings of
unworthiness and hypersensitivity.
We tend to take the opinions of others way to seriously

and to heart. Leaving us feeling inadequate, even inferior
and/or worthless. One can then no longer tolerate the
criticism of others.
EMOTIONAL DISCONNECTEDNESS
This is when an individual deliberately avoids engaging

the emotions of others. Individuals who are emotionally
disconnected need space to rationally choose whether or
not to be overwhelmed or manipulated by other’s feelings.
DANIEL PATRA 47
These individuals are normally caught up in their own
feelings and emotions and feel inadequate when having to
deal with the emotions and//or problems of others.
They generally try to avoid situations where they may be

expected to provide an opinion or some sense of comfort or
relief towards others.
These people seem emotionally distant and can even

mistakenly appear to be uncaring and/or cold. But, this is
generally not always the case.
A SENSE OF SHYNESS
This is when an individual feels awkward around other

people, or they experience feelings of apprehension. This
generally happens when the individual finds him or herself in
a situation which involves unfamiliar people.
When in the company of friends or family whom they

know, they will not necessarily seem shy. However, when it
comes to meeting new people, their shyness becomes quite
evident.
48 Self Esteem
Shyness is not the same as being an introvert, as many
introverts are not shy at all. They just prefer being alone,
rather than being in the company of others all the time.
Shyness affects many people and can be noticeable from

a very young age. Some children will “outgrow” this, but
there are many adults who retain a sense of shyness
throughout their adult lives.
Feelings of Discouragement
This is when one experiences a loss of enthusiasm or

confidence in yourself, to do something or to pursue a
certain goal.
One can also describe it as the lack of “will” to do

something. But we do not just lose our lack of will, there
would be something which would trigger this. This trigger
could also be fear or succeeding in whatever it is that we
wish to do.
People are mainly left feeling discouraged after having

received criticism of some sort or if someone has succeeded
in “talking you out” of something.
DANIEL PATRA 49
When we have a negative outlook on life, we also
generally feel a sense of discouragement to do certain
things, as we would see failure as the possible end result,
instead of success.
FEAR AND ANXIETY
This is when a person is fearful (afraid) and experiences

feelings of worry and unease. There exists a level of
nervousness relating to a certain situation and/or event.
Fear is a very dominant driving force in many people’s

lives and can ultimately cause havoc in one’s life. It not only
hinders self-growth, it also robs one of experiencing joy and
happiness.
Fear in view of self-esteem relates to the fear of being

rejected, the fear of making a mistake, or the fear of being
perceived by others as inadequate or even foolish.
When a person is bound by such fear, people will not

really get to know the “real you”, as they will have an overall
different perception of you, instead of seeing you for exactly
who and what you are.
50 Self Esteem
Not Everyone Experiences the Same Symptoms
We are all different and we perceive our lives (our own

reality) in a different way. Therefore, people who suffer from
low self-esteem will be experience their low self-esteem in a
different manner.
Not all of the symptoms mentioned thus far are all

present in one individual. Some may be completely absent
and others may be present, but less significantly. These
symptoms vary from person to person.
It is important that we all familiarize ourselves with these

signs and symptoms, in order that we may do what is
needed to improve on ourselves.
ADDITIONAL SIGNS OF LOW SELF-ESTEEM
The following are also signs of low self-esteem, which

one needs to be aware of, as some of these can also be
easily overlooked or dismissed as “normal” behavior.
• Compare yourself to others

DANIEL PATRA 51
• Being critical of yourself
• Inability to accept complements (feel

undeserving)
• Focus on negative aspects of yourself all the time
• Inability to express oneself honestly and openly
• Inability to receive constructive criticism
• Where an individual has little or no friends
• Inability to pursue your goals
• Poor posture (not walking or standing up

straight)
• Being apologetic all the time
• To please others all the time
• Unsociable (you hide all the time)
• Fatigue
Chapter 5
Body Language and Low

Self-Esteem
Many people suffer from low self-esteem and it is evident

in their thoughts, feelings and their emotions, as well as in
their behavior and their body language.
Around the globe, people are either complaining,

avoiding one another or comparing and/or competing with
one another, as well as judging one another.
Our body language is also a very good indication of what

level of self-esteem we have. The following are indications of
low self-esteem:
• Lack of eye contact

• Walking with your head down
DANIEL PATRA 53
• Bad posture (slouch)
• Folded arms and closed off posture
• Apprehensive or anxious posture
LACK OF EYE CONTACT
This is when someone has the inability to make direct eye

contact. The person will shift his or her eyes, looking at
another object or staring into the distance. This is ultimately
to avoid eye contact with others.
WALKING WITH YOUR HEAD DOWN
When someone generally does not look up whilst

walking, they keep their head down most of the time. They
stare at the ground in front of them and are not very
attentive to what may be going on around them. This is
another way of avoiding contact with anyone.
BAD POSTURE (SLOUCH)

54 Self Esteem
This is when a person’s shoulders just hang down. Their
posture seems “weak” and it is implying that the person is
carrying the entire universe on their shoulders. Many people
also tend to slouch when they are seated in front of a
computer.
DANIEL PATRA 55
FOLDED ARMS AND CLOSED OFF POSTURE
When engaged in a conversation and a person has his or

her arms folded, it generally gives an impression that this
person is not fully engaged in the conversation. But if the
body language in general seems closed off, this appears
more protective of the person and is also a sign of low self-
esteem.
APPREHENSIVE OR ANXIOUS POSTURE
This is when the body language appears more as

arrogance or aggression. But in actual fact, this person only
really just wants to get away from this conversation. This
person may also appear as “closed off”, rather than being
fully engaged in the conversation.
Chapter 6
Body Language and High Self-
Esteem
Although there are many people around the globe, who suffer
from low self-esteem, there are also people who do possess
high self-esteem.
These are generally the “movers and the shakers”, the positive
people, the go-getters, who appear to have a high level of zest
for life.
Just as much as one’s body language can give away the fact
that one has low self-esteem, it can also be an indication of high
self-esteem.
The following are indications of high self-esteem:
• Constant eye contact
• Good posture (seated or standing)
• Good communication
• Smile and laugh often
• Open posture
DANIEL PATRA 59
CONSTANT EYE CONTACT
This is when someone keeps direct eye contact with others,

whilst engaged in a conversation. This individual does not walk
around with their head down, they face the world around them,
chin up and their eyes wide open.
GOOD POSTURE (SEATED OR STANDING)
This is when an individual sits, stands and walks with their

back straight, but with their shoulders back and relaxed. This
60 Self Esteem
not only lengthens the spine this posture exudes self-

confidence.
GOOD COMMUNICATION
This person will speak clearly and normally and will maintain
constant eye contact with whomever they are talking to. They
appear attentive and engaged in the conversation. Their body
language will be indicative that they are relaxed and at ease.
SMILE AND LAUGH OFTEN

DANIEL PATRA 61
Someone with high self-esteem and self-confidence will smile

and laugh often, whilst engaged in any conversation. They
appear to be happy and content. They say that some people
smile with their eyes… that would be these people!
OPEN POSTURE
This is when someone has “open” posture whilst engaging

others in conversation. Neither their arms nor their legs are
crossed and they use open and friendly gestures whilst talking
to others.
Body language is definitely a very clear and concise indication

of a person’s self-esteem. One can say that they work hand-in-
hand, as you will not sit or stand in a slouched position, when
you have happy or positive thoughts.
62 Self Esteem
Neither can you have “good” posture or appear sociably “open”

when you have unhappy or negative thoughts. Our body
language ultimately expresses how we feel about ourselves and
others.
On a final note, strong eye contact is a very good indication of

one’s level of self-esteem and self-confidence.
Confident people will generally look up and never down at the

floor or their feet. Whether engaged in conversation with
someone or just walking, you will always see them looking at
people. Eye contact established a connection between people.
Good eye contact signifies self-confidence, strong leadership

abilities, inner strength and also intelligence. Good eye contact
says a lot about a person in general and people are generally
more open and engaging with people who practice good eye
contact.
DANIEL PATRA 63
They say that the “eyes are the windows to the soul”
Chapter 7
Common Causes of Low Self-

Esteem
Low self-esteem actually begins during our childhood. We

receive a lot of information from our parents, our siblings,
our friends, our teachers and also the media. This
information is both positive and negative, but for some
reason the negative information is usually what we
remember most.
From a young age we are expected to do certain things

and to act a certain way (to be a certain way) and we also
place our own set of expectations on ourselves. Many times
we do not feel that we can meet the expectations of others
or our own for that matter.
DANIEL PATRA 65
Having a difficult time in life (also how you perceive your
life), as well as stress and even a serious illness can have an
effect on ones’ self-esteem.
It is a known fact that some people also tend to focus

more on negative things than the positive and there are also
individuals who set such high standards for themselves, that
they cannot uphold them.
It is therefore very important to know what the signs and

symptoms are, in order that one may be able to identify
when you have a problem and you can then work on
enhancing your self-esteem.
It is also very important to know what the root cause of

your low self-esteem is. There are various things which may
affect ones self-esteem, such as the following:
• Feeling lonely
• Being unemployed
• Feeling neglected
• Feeling unloved
• Feeling like an “outcast”

66 Self Esteem
• Being abused
• Feelings of poor performance
HOW TO IMPROVE LOW SELF-ESTEEM
In order to boost your self-esteem, you need to be able to

identify your negative beliefs about yourself. You need to
question why you have those beliefs (where did you learn
them) or where did they start.
The best way to deal with this, would be to write down all
those negative beliefs about yourself and then consciously
and actively gather evidence which contradicts those
negative beliefs. In other words, counteract them with
positive beliefs. (Write down those positive beliefs too).
Also be aware of the negative thoughts which pop into

your head. Again, ask yourself when this started and why.
Keep a journal and write them down.
DANIEL PATRA 67
Again, also consciously and actively gather evidence
which contradicts those negative thoughts. Counteract them
with positive ones. Also write these down in your journal.
Find five things that you feel you are good at or which
you know are true about you (this may be things that people
have complimented you on).
Keep a list of these five positive things and put it up

where it will be visible for you to see, in order that it may
serve as a constant reminder, that you are good at
something and you are worthy!
SIMPLE STEPS TO IMPROVE LOW SELF-

ESTEEM
• Do not compare yourself to others

• Focus on that which you are able to change
• Do things that you are passionate about or that you
enjoy
• Live in gratitude
• Be positive (and speak positively to yourself)
• Live a healthy lifestyle and exercise
68 Self Esteem
• Forget about perfectionism
• Be less critical on yourself (when you make
mistakes)
• Live with a sense of empathy and compassion
• Surround yourself with people who love and support
you
DO NOT COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHERS

You should never compare yourself to others – you have
your own unique gifts. The biggest mistake which many
people make is to compare themselves to others. However,
this is the fastest way in which one will notice any
shortcomings you may feel you have. By not comparing, you
will have no need to compete.
FOCUS ON THAT WHICH YOU ARE ABLE TO CHANGE

Focus on the things you are able to change not the things
which are beyond or out of your control. Many people tend
to worry about things which they have no control over,
causing themselves additional stress. Once you shift your
focus, you will experience a more positive outlook.
DO THINGS THAT YOU ARE PASSIONATE ABOUT OR

THAT YOU ENJOY
DANIEL PATRA 69
Do more of the things which you are passionate about or
that you really enjoy. We generally seem to tend to all the
other tasks in our lives first, instead of making time to do
something that we actually love. When we spend time doing
something we love, we experience an overall feeling of joy.
LIVE IN GRATITUDE
Live in gratitude – be grateful for the things that you
have, as gratitude creates more abundance, as you will
notice more things in your life, which you have to be grateful
for. Gratitude creates happiness and happiness means
emotional wellbeing.
BE POSITIVE (AND SPEAK POSITIVELY TO YOURSELF )

Be positive – nurture a positive outlook on life and on
yourself. All too often, it is all too easy to fall into a negative
trap or thought pattern. Make a point of noticing your
positive attributes and compliment yourself. Speak to
yourself, as you would speak to your best friend.
LIVE A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE AND EXERCISE

Strive to live a healthy lifestyle and to include exercise.
Our lives have become so fast paced that many people do
not invest time/ money or effort in healthy lunches etc.
Consider the overall long term effect which healthy food and
70 Self Esteem
exercise will have on your body… your body will thank you
for this.
FORGET ABOUT PERFECTIONISM

Do not strive for everything to be perfect. When we
strive for perfection, we can set ourselves up for the
possibility of failure, as nothing in life is ever perfect. Instead,
strive to do the best that you can do.
BE LESS CRITICAL ON YOURSELF (WHEN YOU MAKE

MISTAKES)
Do not beat yourself up when you have made a mistake.
Most people do this, as this is human nature. But, think of
this instead… without mistakes there can be no lessons and
no room for growth.
LIVE WITH A SENSE OF EMPATHY AND COMPASSION

Learn to live with a sense of empathy and compassion.
Sometimes it is too easy to show someone away and to bury
your head “in the sand” (in your own life). But when we
show empathy towards others or we help someone in need,
we ultimately help ourselves.
SURROUND YOURSELF WITH PEOPLE WHO LOVE AND

SUPPORT YOU
DANIEL PATRA 71
Surround yourself with positive people and people who
love and support you. Sometimes we tend to spend time
with all the wrong people – people who bring us down,
instead of building us up. Surround yourself instead, with
people who make you feel positive, worthy and loved.
72 Self Esteem
ADDITIONAL STEPS TO IMPROVE LOW

SELF-ESTEEM
There are numerous steps we can take to improve low

self-esteem. In addition to the steps mentioned above, you
may also try the following:
• Be kind to yourself
• Learn to be assertive
• Recognize your strengths
• Form positive relationships
• Learn to say “no”
• Set goals for yourself
BE KIND TO YOURSELF
In other words, be gentle with yourself. Set time aside
daily for yourself to read a nice book, watch a nice movie,
spend time in nature or do something that you really enjoy.
DANIEL PATRA 73
When you are being critical on yourself, think instead
what you would say to your best friend and you will find that
you would probably never be that harsh.
The way in which we speak to our best friend is normally

kind and loving and the advice we would give a friend is
generally less critical that what we would say to ourselves.
LEARN TO BE ASSERTIVE
By being assertive does not mean that we are in any way
disrespectful of other’s opinions. Learn to be yourself and to
speak your mind in a gentle manner (without offending
others).
You need to learn to be open and honest about your

thoughts, feelings and your opinions and to discuss these
with others. You will soon realize that they will not necessary
be offended, but will appreciate your openness and honesty
instead.
Being assertive will also give you a sense of freedom, as

you will better be able to express yourself and be open
towards others.
RECOGNIZE YOUR STRENGTHS

74 Self Esteem
Each of us have a gift, a talent or something that we are
really good at, whether it is writing short stories, writing
poetry, playing guitar, singing, cooking or even building
puzzles.
We generally tend to enjoy the things that we are good at

and it brings us a sense of satisfaction and inner joy. We also
have a sense of responsibility to use these gifts to the best
of our ability.
So, once you have recognized your gift or talent, strive to

do as much of it as possible and you will soon find that this
brings both peace and joy into your life.
FORM POSITIVE RELATIONSHIPS

Sometimes negative people cross our path and we may
allow such individual into our personal sphere. But such
people can pull one down.
Try not to allow such people into your personal sphere, as

these individuals generally not to have a good effect on us.
Rather focus on meeting positive people, those who strive
to uplift others.
DANIEL PATRA 75
Keep your focus on spending time with people who care
about you, appreciate you and who have a positive outlook
on life. These people always tend to bring the best out of
others.
LEARN TO SAY “NO”

Sometimes it can be difficult to say “no” to others. But, it
so happens sometimes that we just do not feel like doing
something, or we just do not feel up to it.
By saying “no” you may in actual fact rather gain respect

from those who you would not have expected it from.
People will also not like you any less if you say “no”. They
may rather appreciate your honesty.
By saying yes all the time, we put ourselves at risk of

feeling burdened, resentful, and sometimes angry. So, learn
to say “no” and say it when you need to.
SET GOALS FOR YOURSELF

In order grow or achieve anything in life, we have to set
goals for ourselves. In this way, we can also measure our
progress and identify any areas in our lives, where we still
need to improve.
76 Self Esteem
When set goals for ourselves, it also help to eliminate our
fear of trying new things or taking on new challenges and
this ultimately builds our confidence.
So, strive to regularly set new goals for yourself, whether

this is to join a gym, to take up a new hobby or enrol in a
cooking class and when you achieve this goal, strive to set a
new one. Achieving your goals, helps to increase your self-
esteem.
Chapter 8
Starting Your 30 Day Challenge
WHY YOU SHOULD CONSIDER THE 30 DAY

CHALLENGE
If you are reading this book, it means that you are already
searching for help or answers; which means that you have
come to the realization that there is something lacking in
your life, or that something is not quite what it should be.
This is a good sign!
When one does not notice or acknowledge the fact that

there is something which is not right in our lives, there lays
the hidden danger that one could easily slip into deeper
feelings of despair or even a state of depression.
Thus, the fact that you are reading this, is a sign that you
realize that something in your life has to change and it is
never too late for change!
This book can be used by anyone who wishes to increase
their level of self-esteem, who wishes to hone a more
positive outlook on life or who wishes to increase their
overall sense of happiness and general wellbeing.
So, here’s to unlocking an increased level of positivity and
an increased level of inner joy and happiness.
Let’s start a beautiful journey of enhancing your self-

esteem…
Within you lays a fountain of unlimited potential, waiting

to be unlocked and displayed for the whole world to see…
STARTING YOUR 30 DAY CHALLENGE
You are about to embark on a beautiful journey of self-

discovery, self-knowledge and self-improvement.
Firstly, you should be extremely proud of yourself, as you

have just taken the first step in not only improving your self-
esteem, but also improving your entire lifestyle and your
overall sense of wellbeing. This is a big and very positive
step!
We all know that if we start any new regime in our lives,

such as an exercise regime or healthy eating etc. we are
always reminded to continue for at least 21 days.
DANIEL PATRA 79
“21 days” is known as the correct amount of time in

which old habits can be broken or new habits can be formed.
Therefore, you should not break the cycle of this 30-day
challenge… Please see this through.
By the time your 30 days are up, you will reap the rewards
and you may even consider maintaining this challenge in
your daily life.
Within the daily challenges, we have included daily

affirmations, inspiring quotations; an aspect of yourself to
focus on, an exercise for each day and some good “food for
thought”; to get you going.
Nothing prevents you from continuing on this journey,

you may repeat these daily affirmations and challenges for as
long as you wish to do so, as this can only benefit you in a
positive way.
CREATE A MOTIVATIONAL BOARD

80 Self Esteem
Another effective way in which to stay on course is to
record your progress, by means of a journal or you may even
create a motivational board.
This will assist you in remaining focused on your goal and

to stay positive along the way. Here are some inspiring
quotes to get you started with your motivational board.
BEAUTIFUL QUOTES TO GET YOU STARTED
“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide

to take control of what you do have power over instead of
craving control over what you don't.” - Steve Maraboli
“Find ecstasy in life; the mere sense of living is joy

enough.” - Emily Dickinson
“The lotus is the most beautiful flower; whose petals open

one by one. But it will only grow in the mud. In order to
grow and gain wisdom, first you must have the mud --- the
obstacles of life and its suffering. ... The mud speaks of the
common ground that humans share, no matter what our
stations in life. ... Whether we have it all or we have
nothing, we are all faced with the same obstacles: sadness,
DANIEL PATRA 81
loss, illness, dying and death. If we are to strive as human

beings to gain more wisdom, more kindness and more
compassion, we must have the intention to grow as a lotus
and open each petal one by one.” - Goldie Hawn
“Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only

with acceptance can there be recovery.” - J.K. Rowling
“Life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs
and the lows. The thing everyone should realize is that the
key to happiness is being happy by yourself and for
yourself. Happiness comes from within. You have the
power to change your own mind-set so that all the
negative, horrible thoughts that try to invade your psyche
are replaced with happy, positive, wonderful thoughts.” –
Ellen DeGeneres
“The journey is filled with ups and downs. Don't confuse

the two as ever being everlasting. Get up every day and
apply yourself, be authentic, trust your instincts and know
that the more you apply yourself the better you get day by
82 Self Esteem
day. The day you are waiting for is the day you want to
give up, that is when you must keep going. That's the
barrier between normal and greatness.” - Jackson Kiddard
“I still need healthier rest in order to work at my best. My

health is the main capital I have and I want to administer it
intelligently.” - Ernest Hemingway
"Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone

else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living
with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the
noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice.
And most importantly, have the courage to follow your
heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you
truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” -
Steve Jobs
Chapter 9:
30 Day Challenge
DAY ONE
AFFIRMATION
I am worthy
Who I am makes a difference
I touch people in a positive way
I exude happiness, confidence and inner beauty
I see the beauty in others and
They see the beauty within me
I am a child of the universe
All my needs have been met
I am safe and secure and
I am loved
QUOTE
“The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true

beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring
that she lovingly gives, the passion that she knows.”
Audrey Hepburn
PLACE YOUR FOCUS ON YOUR FAVORITE FACIAL

FEATURE TODAY
Most people tend to focus on the physical first, thus the

reason for using this as our starting point. Pretty similar to
when you pick up a book for the first time… you always look
at the cover first!
Although this may seem as a daunting task for some, you

need to realize that each and every one of us has a physical
feature or some or other attribute which we can be proud
of. You too possess such a feature!
Today you need to take a look in the mirror and find just
one specific facial feature which you like or love. Focus on
that feature. You may use a journal if you wish.
Write down which feature it is that you like. Think of what

it is that makes this feature unique to you and how you used
to perceive this feature in the past.
DANIEL PATRA 85
If you did not perceive this as a beautiful feature in the
past, ask yourself why and when you started seeing it in a
negative or different way.
Now give it some serious thought and make a list of ten

things (or as many as you possibly can) about why you like
this feature and how this feature contributes to you as a
being, in a positive way.
Do not be shy, compliment yourself on this feature, as

this makes you unique. No other person looks anything like
you. You are unique in your own special way!
Remember that it is vitally important not to forget about

this feature. Although we will focus on different aspects
each day throughout this challenge, you need not forget
about this altogether.
Remember that this is only one aspect of yourself, but

when added in with all the other beautiful aspects about
yourself, it makes up the whole – this being the “whole of
you”.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT

86 Self Esteem
We live in an era where physical appearance enjoys a lot
of focus and this can have various effects on people’s
confidence and level of self-esteem.
However, what we should never forget is that our main

focus should not just be on the physical, as we have so much
more to give, there is so much more that add to the bigger
picture of “us” and to life.
You are more than just a “physical appearance”. You are

more than just a human being. There is more to you than
only one aspect. You are more than what people perceive
you to be.
Always remember that there is so much more to you as a

person!
Find that one thing which makes you unique and never
sell yourself short and never forget your worth…
DAY TWO
AFFIRMATION
DANIEL PATRA 87
I am important
I have a strong sense of self
I add value to the lives of others
I exude joy, happiness and inner peace
I see the joy and inner peace in others and
They see the peace within me
I am loved
88 Self Esteem
QUOTE
“Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just

like everyone else.”
Margaret Mead
PLACE YOUR FOCUS ON YOUR FAVORITE PHYSICAL

FEATURE TODAY
Yes, you read it correctly. Today we will focus again on

the physical body, as this is what people see when they meet
you for the very first time.
For some it is not that easy to focus on their physical

appearance and to find something which they like. Many
people are critical on themselves and would much rather
find fault. But, our aim is not to be looking for faults, but to
find the positive instead.
Today you need to take another long look at yourself in

the mirror and find one physical (bodily) feature which you
DANIEL PATRA 89
like or love. Focus on that feature. (Again, you may use a
journal if you wish).
Write down which feature it is that you like. Think of what

it is that makes this feature unique to you and how you used
to perceive this feature in the past.
If you did not perceive this as a beautiful feature in the


things (or as many as you possibly can) about why you like
this feature and how this feature contributes to you as a
Remember to compliment yourself on this feature, as this

makes you unique. Complimenting yourself does not make
you boastful, but it will surely boost your confidence!
Once again, do not “write this off” and forget about this
feature after a day. The ideal is to create positive habits and
to improve your self-esteem.
90 Self Esteem
You comprise of more than just one aspect or attribute.
You consist not only of the physical, but also the mental,
emotional and the spiritual. You are an intricate being.
You are uniquely you, you are one of a kind. Nowhere in

the world will you find another “you.”
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Although there are various factors which affect ones self-

esteem, so much emphasis is placed on physical appearance,
that one cannot help but feel self-conscious sometimes.
But, remember that who you are is not only made up of

the physical you, but everything else that is unique about
you. This includes your thoughts, your feelings and your
emotions.
You will not be remembered by your appearance one day,

but rather as a person as a “whole”. Thus, what you look like
on the outside and how others perceive the physical you is
not that important.
Focus rather on that which is within, because that is

where true beauty resides!
DANIEL PATRA 91
Remember that some people notice more than you think,

so someone may have already noticed the beauty which you
hold within…
DAY THREE
AFFIRMATION
I am unique
I love and value myself
I have positive attributes
What I do makes a difference
I exude love and compassion
I see the love and compassion in others and
They see love and compassion within me
I am loved
QUOTE
92 Self Esteem
“Dare to love yourself, as if you were a rainbow with gold

at both ends.”
Aberjhani
PLACE YOUR FOCUS ON YOUR PERSONALITY TODAY
When people place their focus on the physical, there is

one thing which is not evident immediately, when you meet
someone for the first time and that is their personality.
Yes, you may make assumptions about what you perceive

the person to be like, but one will not know until you start
talking to the person and you actually get to know them.
So, there is no looking in the mirror today, but you will be
required to spend some quiet time with yourself. Today you
need to find a favorable personality trait which you like
about yourself.
Once you have found a personality trait, focus on it and

write it down. Keep your journal close throughout this
challenge!
Now think of what it is that makes this personality trait

unique to you and how you used to perceive this aspect of
yourself in the past.
DANIEL PATRA 93
If you did not perceive this as a positive aspect in the


things (or as many as you possibly can) about why you see
this as a positive trait and how this contributes to you as a
If you feel proud of yourself whilst doing this exercise,

compliment yourself. Do not even dare to feel shy to do so in
any way. This is your challenge, so own it!
Once again, remember not to “push this aside”. This is a

positive aspect of you, so ensure to remember it and ponder
on it as often as you feel the need.
The more one gets into a habit of being kind to yourself

and complimenting yourself, the easier it becomes and the
more your self-esteem will improve.
Food for thought

94 Self Esteem
There is something within each and every one of us that
can be seen as a positive trait. But somehow still, some
people tend to sell themselves short.
What if we had to ask you to take a moment to think of

the positive personality trait that you have chosen today and
then try to think back how this may have affected someone
in some way?
What would your answer be? You may well have

forgotten, but maybe you bumped into someone at the
store one day and said or did something that touched them
in a very positive way.
You may not even have realized it at the time, but it may
well come to the surface again today. You see, we never
know how we touch those who cross our path.
Don’t ever think of yourself as not unique and don’t ever

think of yourself as not special…
DAY FOUR
DANIEL PATRA 95
AFFIRMATION
I can do it
I can achieve anything I set my mind to
I can motivate others
I exude positivity and determination
I see the positivity in others and
They see the positivity within me
I am loved
QUOTE
“You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the

same way you select your clothes every day. This is a
power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in
your life so bad, work on the mind. That's the only thing
you should be trying to control.”
Elizabeth Gilbert
PLACE YOUR FOCUS ON A POSITIVE HABIT TODAY

96 Self Esteem
We all accumulate habits over the years. These could be

our own habits or it could be something that we picked up
from our parents or siblings as a child.
But not all habits are bad habits. We do also have some
good habits and these habits can be quite unique to us as a
person.
Today you need to take stock of all the habits you have
and pick one good habit that stands out from the rest. This
has to be something which can be considered as positive.
Write it down in your journal and think of what it is that

makes this habit unique to you and how you used to
perceive this habit in the past.
If you did not perceive this as a positive habit in the past,

ask yourself why and when you started seeing it in a

things (or as many as you possibly can) about why this now
strikes you as a positive habit and not a negative one. How
does it contribute to you as a being, in a positive way?
DANIEL PATRA 97
It feels rather strange when we focus on more of the

positive things about us then the negative. This may even
feel like a foreign concept to some.
But, remember that this challenge is all about the positive

and once again, you have to remember this positive habit
too! Don’t “file it away.”
Remember, just because society generally frowns upon

habits, it does not mean that all habits are bad. Some habits
can really add value to one’s personality and one’s life as a
whole. So, own this positive one!
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Despite what your perception used to be about the

habits you have, we have just put a positive spin on it. It is
pretty amazing what some positivity can do!
One would generally hardly ever consider the positive

effect that even something such as a small habit could have
on our lives.
98 Self Esteem
But take anything in life, from the smallest to the biggest
thing and look at it from a negative point of view and then
spin it around and see it as a positive and voila it can
instantly change your life.
You can choose to see the positive or you can choose to

see the negative… the choice is yours to make.
It all boils down to a matter of perception, one cannot

see the beauty in anything, when you specifically stare to
miss the beauty…
DAY FIVE
AFFIRMATION
I can rely on myself

I can depend on myself
I offer comfort to others
I exude kindness and inner strength
I see kindness and inner strength in others and
They see the kindness and inner strength within me
DANIEL PATRA 99
I am loved
QUOTE
“Man alone, has the power to transform his thoughts into

physical reality; man alone, can dream and make his
dreams come true.”
Napoleon Hill
PLACE YOUR FOCUS ON YOUR BEST THOUGHTS TODAY
It is a known fact that many people are unable to focus

on the positive things in life. There are people out there who
place their focus firmly on the negative and they are unable
or unwilling to budge.
But, you are five days into your challenge and should be
fairly used to firmly placing your focus on only positive
thoughts and aspects by now.
100Self Esteem
Today you are required to firmly place your focus on your
thoughts. You need to spend some quite time within and
select your best and most positive way of thinking.
Write this down in your journal. Then think of what it is

that makes this way of thinking unique to you and how you
used to perceive this aspect of yourself in the past.
If you did not perceive this as a positive aspect, ask

yourself why and when you started seeing it in a negative or
different way.

things (or as many as you possibly can) about why you have
now chosen this aspect and how this actually contributes to
you as a being, in a positive way.
Honesty is always the best policy, so be honest with

yourself and also remember to give yourself credit, where
credit is due. Never sell yourself short!
This too, you shall be required to remember, so take note

and do not disregard this either. This is a very valuable
aspect of yourself.
DANIEL PATRA101
This too forms an intricate part of the wonderful being
that you have become. This too is a positive aspect of you.
Do not forget about it and do not let it fade away… use this
as this too is one of your personal gifts.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Just as we have to pick an outfit for work every morning,

so too do we have to choose our thoughts every day. We
may decide to mismatch our colors for the day, but we need
to ensure that our thoughts are firmly in check.
It happens at times that life throws a curveball at us and

we may tend to lose our cool. It may also happen so, that we
find our minds wondering into a forest of negative thoughts
and despair.
But this is where the guards come in. We need to have a

guard in front of our mouth and a guard monitoring our
every thought. Positive, positive, positive!
As when building a house, you cannot build a new house

with old bricks. So watch your thoughts carefully, as you
cannot drag yesterday’s dark and negative thoughts into a
bright and sunny tomorrow.
102Self Esteem
Many people say that our thoughts become our actions

and our actions become our lives…
Teach yourself to hold onto the good thoughts and let go

of the bad, the negative and the ugly…
DAY SIX
AFFIRMATION
I am creative
I am unique
I am blessed abundantly
I exude creativity
I see the creativity in others and
They see the creativity within me
I am loved
QUOTE
DANIEL PATRA103
“I am often accused of being childish. I prefer to interpret

that as child-like. I still get wildly enthusiastic about little
things. I tend to exaggerate and fantasize and embellish. I
still listen to instinctual urges. I play with leaves. I skip
down the street and run against the wind. I never water
my garden without soaking myself. It has been after such
times of joy that I have achieved my greatest creativity and
produced my best work.”
Leo Buscaglia, "Bus 9 to Paradise"
PLACE YOUR FOCUS ON “YOU” (AS A PERSON) TODAY
Many people go through their entire lives, not really

knowing themselves. But knowing oneself is lifelong
journey, just like a circle with no ends.
We constantly learn new things about ourselves all the
time.
Once again, today you will be required to look within and

find that one thing, that that specific aspect which you like
about yourself, which makes you – “you”.
104Self Esteem
Write it down in your journal and then think of what it is
that makes this personal trait so unique to you and how you
used to perceive this in the past.
If it was maybe never there in the past or you did not

perceive this as a positive trait, ask yourself why and when
this came to the surface. Also ask yourself why and when
you started seeing it in a negative or different way.

things (or as many as you possibly can) about how this trait
actually contributes to you as a person, in a positive way.
You have much to be proud of, as we generally stare

ourselves blind against the negative traits we possess as a
person.
You have come so far and you have managed to find the
positive; so you may compliment yourself on the fact that
you have made good progress!
So this ought to be easier now… to remember this

positive trait. This plays an integral part of who you are and
without it you would not be completely 100% and
authentically you!
DANIEL PATRA105
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
So, you have just picked one thing about yourself, which
makes you authentically you. Not any one other person on
this planet can be you, better than you!
Others may have this same trait in common with you, but
this still remains unique to you and you alone. We are all the
same in certain ways, but yet we are so very different and so
unique.
Just picture a world where we were all the same. Can you
imagine how boring that would be? It would be like having
all the same color crayons in one box.
Just as the world would be a boring place without color,

so it would also be boring if you we never in it!
You fill the lives of those around you with lots of color…
without you the world would be dull and incomplete…
DAY SEVEN
106Self Esteem
AFFIRMATION
I am making positive progress

I focus on progress, not perfection
I set realistic goals for myself
I am patient with myself
I exude patience and stability
I see the patience and stability in others and
They see the patience and stability within me
I am loved
QUOTE
“The deepest secret is that life is not a process of

discovery, but a process of creation. You are not
discovering yourself, but creating yourself anew. Seek
therefore, not to find out Who You Are, but seek to
determine Who You Want to be.”
Neale Donald Walsch

DANIEL PATRA107
PLACE YOUR FOCUS ON WHEN YOU FEEL THE BEST

ABOUT YOURSELF
Most people tend to feel especially good about

themselves when they have achieved something or when
they have reached a specific goal.
This generally boosts ones confidence and self-esteem

and gives one the courage to move onto bigger and better
things.
Today you are required to find that one specific thing

which made you feel really good about yourself. This could
be a goal that you achieved or a good deed you did for
yourself or for someone else.
Focus on it and write it down in your journal. Ask yourself

what it is that makes this unique to you (and you alone). Also
ask yourself how you have or would have perceived this in
the past.
If this is something from your past, ask yourself when and

why you started seeing this as a negative or in a different
way.
108Self Esteem

things (or as many as you possibly can) that you think makes
this an amazing achievement or deed and how this
contributes to you in a positive way.
This is a challenge to be happy about, as we do not often

get the opportunity to look back at past achievements or
any good deeds we may have done. Kudos to you!
Give yourself some well deserved credit; a pat on the

back if you will. You deserve a compliment for this one, as it
has once again brought positive vibes back into your life.
Journey forth and do not forget the beautiful things

which you have achieved in your life. This being another
feather in your hat…
FOOD FOR THOUGH t
Sometimes we perform good deeds for others, not

expecting anything in return. Yet, it touches the other
person in such a positive way.
DANIEL PATRA109
The beauty in this is that we may not even realize the
magnitude of what we have done and what effect it has had
on the other person’s life.
We have to think about how we touch other’s lives. Do

we touch others in a positive way or in a negative way? What
legacy do we wish to leave behind? A legacy of material
possessions or one of love and compassion?
So, think carefully when a new person crosses your path;

when you bump into someone at the store or when a
stranger knocks on your door. You never know how you may
be remembered by that person.
Much like throwing a pebble in a pond, our lives touch

one another… we create a ripple effect and we leave behind
a little piece of ourselves…
110Self Esteem
DAY EIGHT
AFFIRMATION
I am happy
I deserve this happiness
I trust my intuition
I exude confidence in my abilities
I see the confidence in others and
They see the confidence within me
I am loved
QUOTE
“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a

smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment,
or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the
potential to turn a life around.”
DANIEL PATRA111
Leo Buscaglia
PLACE YOUR FOCUS ON WHEN LAST SOMETHING MADE

YOU SMILE
Just as much as we can touch others in a positive way, so

others too can touch our lives. Sometime we receive a kind
word, a kind gesture or a complement just at the right time.
We may not always realize how others perceive us and

how much we are really loved and cared for. Do you really
know how loved you are?
Today you will need to take a trip down memory lane.

You need to remember that last time that someone made
you smile.
Think of what it was that the person had said or done,

that made you smile and write this in your journal. Try to
remember the detail and enjoy it again, as if it happened
today.
112Self Esteem
If this was a compliment, think of how it made you feel at
the time and how you would have perceived this if it had
happened in the past.
Ask yourself whether this contributes to you in a positive

way and why. Also ask yourself whether there is a positive
lesson which you can learn from this. Then write that down.

things (or as many as you possibly can) about why you chose
this event or incident and what make this so unique.
Sometimes we need to be reminded of the compliments

we have received, or the good times we have had; so we can
look back and enjoy them all over again. So, enjoy this and
own it!
Now that you have been reminded of it… you should not
forget it too easily again. Write it on a piece of paper and put
it in your wallet or your purse… remind yourself of it all the
time!
Aren’t you just amazing…?
FOOD FOR THOUGHT

DANIEL PATRA113
It is easy for us to think of the people who we regard as

very near and dear; those who have stolen our heart. But we
hardly ever seem to realize how we too may have crawled
into someone else’s heart.
We touch every single person who crosses our path and

leave a little piece of ourselves behind. This may be
something really big, or could even be something we regard
as the smallest little thing.
We all play an intricate part in each other’s lives, pretty

much in the same way as pieces of a puzzle, we all fit
perfectly… just in the right spot.
We have been strategically placed in each other’s lives,

according to a much bigger and divine plan. So, rest assured
that you are in the right place, at just the right time.
As we journey through life, we gather all the pieces which

make up our own unique puzzle, placing them in just the
right place and at just the right time…
DAY NINE
114Self Esteem
AFFIRMATION
My life is a beautiful process

I trust in this process, fully
I am good and have a lot to offer
I exude a sense of giving and joy
I see the joy of giving in others and
They see the joy of giving within me
I am loved
DANIEL PATRA115
QUOTE
“He who smiles rather than rages is always the stronger.”
Japanese Wisdom
PLACE YOUR FOCUS ON HOW YOU MAKE YOURSELF

SMILE
Whether you pass someone in the street or you meet

someone new, somewhere along the way; the first thing
they will be greeted by, will be your smile.
It is amazing to see how one simple gesture, like a

friendly smile can take flight and travel around the globe.
Have you ever noticed how others smile back, when you
have smiled at them?
Do you agree? If someone smiles at you, you cannot help

but smile back!
Today you will be required to do some thinking. You need

to find one thing which you have done, that has made you
smile.
116Self Esteem
Once you have given this some thought and you have
found that one particular thing, focus on it and write it your
journal.
Give it some thought… what it is that makes this unique

to you and if this is something from your past, how did you
perceive this in the past?
If you did not perceive this in a positive way in the past,

ask yourself why and when you started seeing it in a
Now think of this for a short while and make a list of ten
things (or as many as you possibly can) about why you now
view this in a positive way and how this contributes to you as
a person.
Yes, you can make yourself smile, you have that ability
you know! You may never have realized it before, but this is
another hidden talent, you know.
Compliment yourself for this… not many people smile or

laugh at themselves, you know. This is a gift. A blessing if you
will.
DANIEL PATRA117
Now do not hop along joyfully and forget about this…

make a mental note, refer back to your journal, but whatever
you do… never forget how amazing you are!
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
We are all unique in our very own special way. Yes, we

“walk the same walk”, we “talk the same talk”. But, boy oh
boy are we different!
Take some well-deserved quiet time every now and then

and take stock of your life. Think of all the beautiful aspects
of you, which are unique to you and you alone.
Take this for instance, your ability to smile or laugh at

yourself… it takes a special kind of person to laugh at
oneself. Not everyone can do this you know.
In this comes to the surface, a sense of sincerity, a sense

of inner joy, a sense of inner peace and a sense of you; being
exactly who you are… just an amazing you!
Keep smiling!
118Self Esteem
Never underestimate the power of a single smile…
It can take off and travel around the globe in no time!
No air miles needed here!
DAY TEN
AFFIRMATION
I am enough
I am positive
I am moving forward in life, in a positive way
I exude a sense of happiness and balance
I see the happiness and balance in others and
They see the happiness and balance within me
I am loved
QUOTE
DANIEL PATRA119
Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with

acceptance can there be recovery.”
J.K. Rowling
PLACE YOUR FOCUS ON WHO AND WHAT YOU ARE

TODAY
What bliss finally arrives in our lives; when we have

learned to accept ourselves just as we are? With all the
beauty, the positive, the good; the bad and the “ugly.”
All of this is you, it is pieces of your past, some pieces of

today and even some pieces of the future. But, it is you,
authentically you!
Accept yourself as you are. You are your past, your

present and your future, all rolled into one amazing being.
Today you need to journey back into your life and find
what it is that makes you unique. What made you, you?
Think on it for a short while… no need to rush. This is an

important question, as not many people really know
themselves. Then write this down in your journal.
120Self Esteem
Ask yourself how your past; your present and even your
view of the future has sculpted you. Ask yourself how you
used to view yourself in the past.
Did you see yourself from a positive or negative

perspective? Also ask yourself when and why you started
perceiving yourself in such a way.
Now it is time to turn this into a positive… make a list of

ten things (or as many as you possibly can) which you feel
are all positive attributes of you. How has this all made you
unique?
You have come a long way… you have had an amazing

journey and yet, you are still here! The good things that have
happened to you and the “not so good” things that have
crossed your path has left you more experienced and
equipped to carry on!
You add value to the lives you touch and you are strong, a
survivor if you will. Blessed are those, who have been
touched by you. So, marvel in your uniqueness, as no-one
else can fill your shoes!
DANIEL PATRA121
But before your sprint… don’t you ever forget that…
journal, journal, journal!
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
It is only when we sit back and take stock of our lives;

that we realize how far we have actually come. We do not
think about this often enough. Yet, if we had to write a book
about our lives, it would probably be a novel.
Our experiences (past, present and future) sculpt us in a

certain way. We learn, we change and we grow. But we
never realize to what extent, until we have to tell someone
about our life’s journey.
Never underestimate the significance of your life… you

cannot possibly fathom the magnitude and the importance
of you being here.
Where you are makes a difference. Who you are makes a

difference. What you do, makes a difference and how you
touch others is nothing short of amazing!
“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn't try to

convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one
122Self Esteem
doesn't need others' approval. Because one accepts oneself,
the whole world accepts him or her.” - Lao Tzu
DAY ELEVEN
AFFIRMATION
I am at peace
I accept my life’s journey
I like the person that I have become
I exude a sense love and a sense of self
I see the sense of self in others and
They see the sense of self within me
I am loved
Quote
“Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is

Enlightenment.”
DANIEL PATRA123
Lao Tzu
Place your focus on whether you like who you are
This challenge boils down to self-acceptance. Do you

really like who you have become? Do you face yourself in the
mirror each day and find a sense of contentment…? I like
what I see?
We are not just talking “physical” here, but every aspect

of you. Each and every positive attribute, your faults and
your flaws. Every single thing, which makes you who you are.
For today’s challenge you are required to view yourself
with brutal honesty, you may look in the mirror too…
You need to ask yourself whether you are happy with

who you are, physically, mentally, emotionally and even
spiritually (if you are up for that too).
Give it some serious thought and do not focus on the

physical only, but every aspect of you. Write your answer in
your journal.
124Self Esteem
Ask yourself how you used to perceive yourself in the
past and why? If this was in a negative way, ask yourself
when and why you started perceiving yourself in such a way.
But, we will once again turn this into a positive! Make a

list of ten things (or as many as you possibly can) which you
really like or admire of yourself – you are amazing after all!
Would you ever have imagined what your journey would

be like? The experiences that you have had, the people that
you have met and the path which your life has taken?
Can you write that novel yet? We can bet that it would be
a best seller!
Always remember how far you have come. Forget about

self-criticism, self-judgment and the punishment you may
have put yourself through. You are special, in more ways
than you know!
Remember to write this in your journal and look back on

it as often as you can. We don’t want you forgetting this
anytime soon, you know.
Food for thought

DANIEL PATRA125
We go through life not realizing how important it is to

accept ourselves. If we cannot accept ourselves, how can we
expect anyone else to accept us?
We are quick to criticize ourselves, yet there may very

well be a long list of people who could possible do that for
us, for free!
Think of this… would you ever say some of the things

you say to yourself, to your best friend? I bet the answer is
“no.” So, why do we do this to ourselves?
The best way to rectify this, would be to give yourself

some credit and acknowledge the fact that no one person on
this planet can fill your shoes – it can only be you!
You need to find your inner beauty, your talents and your
gift. Then use it to the best of your ability to bring out that
inner beauty, which has been within you all along and
embrace it, fully!
Always strive to be the best version of yourself, every day

and every step of the way. Always remember that who you
are, makes a difference!
126Self Esteem
DAY TWELVE
Affirmation
I love my life
I am content
I can have trust in myself and my life
I accept that everything happens at the right time
I see the inner beauty in others and
They see the inner beauty within me
I am loved
Quote
“To end the misery that has afflicted the human condition
for thousands of years, you have to start with yourself and
take responsibility for your inner state at any given
moment. That means now.”
DANIEL PATRA127
Eckhart Tolle
Place your focus on one thing you would like to change

about yourself
If given the opportunity, what would you change? What is

that one specific thing that you would like to change about
yourself?
What is it; that you may not completely like about

yourself and how would you change it? What would you do?
Choose wisely, do not make a list… just choose one thing!
No mirror required for today! Just a good old honest look

at yourself. Before you write this down, think about this
carefully.
Ask yourself, if there is one thing that you could change

about yourself, what would it be? Do not make a list, just one
thing! Then write this down on your journal.
Ask yourself why you would like to change this? Then ask
yourself how you used to perceive this aspect of yourself in
the past and why?
128Self Esteem
If this was in a negative way, ask yourself when and why

you started perceiving yourself in such a way.
Now, make a list of ten things (or as many as you possibly

can) about how this has been a positive aspect in your life.
Remember to be honest with yourself.
Once again, you need to remember this, as this is vitally

important… this has been a part of you for quite some time
and everything serves a valid purpose in our lives. Everything
happens for a reason and just at the right time.
Always remember that everything you have ever done,

every thought you have ever had and everything you have
ever experienced, has brought you to where you are today.
It has added value to your life and has sculpted you into
the person that you are today. Cherish that person!
Food for thought
Each and every one of us have something which we

would like to change about ourselves. Whether this would
be something physical, mental or emotional.
DANIEL PATRA129
But we should never disregard the importance that
everything we have ever experienced; every aspect of
ourselves has added value to our lives. It has been a valid
part of our journey and we would not be where we are
today, without it.
Think carefully of what it is you wish to change about

yourself and always ensure that the change would be for the
better and ultimately for the greater good.
Once should never change, because others expect you

to. If you wish to change, it needs to be for you and you
alone; leaving you feeling better about yourself and what
you have achieved.
The truth about change is that if you wish for the world
around you to change… you need to start with yourself!
“Look beyond what a person is today and see what they

might become tomorrow.”
Mottos for success - Maria Fontaine
DAY THIRTEEN
130Self Esteem
Affirmation
I love my life
I see myself in a positive way
I find joy in the things I have
I exude inner peace and self-love
I see the self-love in others and
They see the self-love within me
I am loved
Quote
“Sometimes you have to kind of die inside in order to rise

from your own ashes and believe in yourself and love
yourself to become a new person.”
Gerard Way
Place your focus on how you can be kinder to yourself

DANIEL PATRA131
We always tend to be more critical on ourselves and
sometimes treat ourselves with less kindness, than we
would treat our best friend.
We should remember though, that we too are deserving

of our own kind words. We too deserve to be complimented,
as the longest relationship we will ever have is the
relationship with ourselves.
In today’s exercise you will need to listen to yourself. You
need to monitor your thoughts and the things you say to
yourself. These need not necessarily be words that you
speak – this is internally too!
Ask yourself how you generally speak to yourself most of

the time – is this in a positive way of in more of a destructive
manner. Then write your answer in your journal.
Ask yourself, if have always been speaking to yourself in

this manner? If not – why and when did this change? Has
something made you like yourself less?
Then ask yourself how you can change this. What can you
say to yourself, which is kinder and more loving instead? Also
write this down in your journal.
132Self Esteem
Make a list of ten kind and loving things, which you can
say to yourself every day. Also write this down in your
journal. Then write this down on a separate sheet of paper
and put it where you can see this every day!
You need to be constantly reminded to be kind and loving

towards yourself. In much the same manner as you are
towards those who you care about (such as your best
friend!)
You too are deserving of your own kind words, your

compliments, your words of encouragement and even a
shoulder to lean on. You owe yourself that much!
Repeat those kind words to yourself as often as possible!
Food for thought
Is it no strange how we jump to assist others in any way

we can, we jump to give people compliments, we jump to
lend a helping hand, we jump to shower them with our kind
words, yet we do hardly any of this for ourselves.
DANIEL PATRA133
Only when we take the quiet time to think of our
relationship with ourselves, do we really realize how this
relationship may be lacking in so many ways.
We are not gentle enough with ourselves, we are not

kind enough with ourselves – we owe ourselves more time,
more love, more tolerance and ultimately more kindness.
We tend to forget that the relationship we have with

ourselves, is the longest relationship that we will veer have
in our entire lives. So, make it the best relationship ever!
Look beyond what you used to think of yourself and how

you would treat yourself… then journey forth and love, love,
love, love yourself!
134Self Esteem
DAY FOURTEEN
Affirmation
I love my life
I do not compete with others
I do not compare myself with others
I am enough – just as I am
I see best in others and
They see the best in me
I am loved
Quote
“Acknowledging the good that you already have in your

life is the foundation for all abundance.”
Eckhart Tolle
DANIEL PATRA135
Place your focus on not comparing yourself to others
It is human nature to compete and compare ourselves

with others all the time. This is also a sort of measure, by
wish we can follow and document our progress.
The danger in this though, is that when we compete or

we compare ourselves to others, we are more prone to
finding areas where we will feel that we fall short.
Instead of placing our focus on the positive attributes of

ourselves, we then focus on the negative and we will never
move past that mountain!
Today you will be making another list… a list of when you

compared yourself to another and whom you compared
yourself with.
You do not need to make a list of ten people, but be

honest with yourself and write down at least the name of
one person you can recall. Write this in your journal.
136Self Esteem
Ask yourself why you compared yourself with this
individual and what was the outcome of this comparison?
Did you fall short in any area, or not and why?
Then ask yourself how did comparing yourself with

someone else make you feel? Did you gain anything positive
from that experience, or did it leave you with feelings of
despair? Write your answers in your journal.
Now make a list of ten things which you like about

yourself, whether this is physical or any other feature or
attribute. Ensure to write them all down.
Also write these on a separate sheet of paper and put it

somewhere close by, where you can see it every day. You
need to remind yourself on an ongoing basis, that you too
are special and unique.
From today, place your focus firmly on yourself and strive

never to compete again or to compare yourself with the likes
of another again.
Marvel at your own positive attributes, your features and

your own very unique flair! You are the most amazing person
that you will ever know!
DANIEL PATRA137
Food for thought
One cannot compare yourself with others, as no-one

person on this planet is the same!
We share the same planet, we share the same air, we

share the same problems; we share the same trials, the same
pain and in a sense the same love.
But this is certain, no-one person can fill your shoes, can
play your part, walk your path or ever replace you for that
matter. Only one person can be you… and that is you!
So why compete or compare? Do not ever wish that you

had the life of another, as you never know what their
journey has been about. And remember, only you can be
“you”!
“If you feel lost, disappointed, hesitant, or weak, return

to yourself, to who you are, here and now and when you get
there, you will discover yourself, like a lotus flower in full
bloom, even in a muddy pond, beautiful and strong.”
Masaru Emoto
138Self Esteem
DAY FIFTEEN
Affirmation
I am strong
I am valuable
I am worthy
I exude confidence, love and joy and
I see these qualities in others and
They see these qualities in me
I am loved
DANIEL PATRA139
Quote
“In the cycle of nature there is no such thing as victory or

defeat; there is only movement.”
Paulo Coelho, Manuscript Found in Accra
Place your focus on improvement, not on perfection
Sometimes, when we take on a new project, we tend to

focus not on our progress and on improvement, but we
focus on perfection instead.
The danger in this is that we will not notice how much we

have achieved, or how we have grown as an individual, as we
are blinded by perfection and may rather notice where we
have fallen short.
Forget about perfection and focus rather on the progress

which you have made. How much you have grown and the
knowledge and experience which you have gained.
140Self Esteem
Today you will need to think of one thing you have taken
on in your life, when you focused on perfection, instead of
progress or improvement.
Give this much thought and write your answer in your

journal. Then start asking yourself the following questions:
Why did you take on this task? Was your focus placed on
improvement, or perfection instead? How did this make you
feel? Did you feel as if you did not succeed? If yes, why? Write
your answers down.
Then turn the situation around and look at the positive

side of whatever it was you took on. Make a list of all the
positive aspects of that project. Ensure to write them all
down.
Looking at it from a difference perspective now, would

you say that you succeeded? Also ask yourself whether you
would ever do something like this again? And where would
your focus be – on improvement or perfection?
Nothing in this life is perfect… that is what we need to

know. So place you focus no longer on perfection, but on all
DANIEL PATRA141
the other positive things that could transpire from your
efforts!
Honestly… have you not already succeeded? Have you

not already grown an improved?
Remember today’s challenge and when taking on

another project… remember not to focus on perfection!
Focus on progress, improvement, growth - all the

realistic, positive things!
Food for thought
All too often, we focus on achieving, winning and we

focus on perfection – these are all the wrong things. We
judge ourselves based on our performance – but somehow
we always fall short?
So, why is it that it is so easy to put ourselves down? Why

is it human nature to want to control everything, why do we
want everything to be perfect? Why do we play judge and
jury in our own lives?
142Self Esteem
Nothing in life is perfect and neither do we need to be (or
try to be) for that matter. There are flaws in everything, even
in nature. But, in nature everything happens at its own
innate rhythm and yet everything gets done!
We should use nature as the perfect example… there is

no competition, no rush or striving to reach perfection.
Everything happens as it should, at the right time.
Forget about perfection, it will only drive you crazy. But,

place your focus firmly on growth and improvement, then
marvel at what you have actually achieved!
You are a master mind!
“Don’t expect your friend to be a perfect person. But,

help your friend to become a perfect person” That’s true
friendship!”
Mother Teresa
DAY SIXTEEN
Affirmation
DANIEL PATRA143
I am powerful
I am strong
I am worth my weight in gold
I have unlimited potential
I use this potential to the best of my abilities
I trust my instincts
I am loved
Quote
“I would rather make mistakes in kindness and

compassion than work miracles in unkindness and
hardness.”
Mother Teresa
Place your focus on not beating yourself up, when you

make a mistake
144Self Esteem
We are too quick to judge ourselves, too quick to “shoot
ourselves down” and way too quick to criticize!
It is common knowledge that some people are more

critical on themselves, than others. But we really do not
need to be. Judgement and criticism only breaks one down,
it hardly ever builds anyone up!
Today you need to think back on some of the mistakes
that you have made. Think about this carefully, before you
write your answer down.
If there is more than one, choose the one which stands

out the most. Then ask yourself when you made this
mistake? Also ask yourself – when you made this mistake,
how did you feel? Did you beat yourself up about it? Did you
have any regrets?
Have you learned from this mistake and what did you do
to rectify the mistake? Also ask yourself whether you learned
a positive or negative lesson from this mistake? And why?
Write all your answers down.
Then look at it from a positive perspective – If you have

learned a lesson – what would that be? Also ask yourself
DANIEL PATRA145
whether you would ever make this mistake again? If your
answer is “no” - There is a positive for you already!
Now make a list of ten reasons why never to beat

yourself up about this mistake or any mistakes you may still
make throughout your life.
Once again, you need to remember today’s challenge, as

we all make mistakes, all the time. But, beating yourself up
about a mistake defeats the lesson that you have already
learned!
Take the lesson to heart, not a personal beating!
Food for thought
If there is anyone that would be hard on you, it would be

yourself! But most of the time, other do not even notice the
flaws which we see in ourselves.
Being critical on oneself and finding fault, seems to be

something which many people do. Never giving any though
to what it does to one in the long run.
146Self Esteem
As one would constantly tell a child that “he or she is
naughty” the child would eventually become that which he
or she constantly hears.
So do we too become; that which we constantly tell

ourselves. If you keep beating yourself up, it becomes more
and more difficult to notice the positive attributes, which
you possess.
Focus not on the mistakes which you have made, but

instead on the valuable lessons, which you have learned and
how much you have grown as a person.
In the long run, you will thank yourself for going a little
easier on yourself! You deserve it!
Be the one who nurtures and builds on your life… do not

tear everything down! Strive to be kinder, strive to be loving;
strive to only better yourself…
DAY SEVENTEEN
Affirmation
DANIEL PATRA147
I am healthy
I am strong
I am worthy
I am in charge of my life
I love and respect myself and others and
Others respect me
I am loved
Quote
“The time to relax is when you don't have time for it.”
Sidney J. Harris
Place your focus on something which you are good at and

which you enjoy
The greatest joy comes when we are able to spend time

doing something which we are really good at… something
which we really enjoy!
148Self Esteem
We don’t do this often enough… spend time doing

something which we really love. Somehow all the other
responsibilities creep up and receive precedence over that
which we really enjoy.
Yet, time spent doing something we love, is time spent

loving and nurturing ourselves…
This is not only an easy challenge for today, but a happy

one at that. Surely there is one thing which you can name off
the top of your head, which you truly enjoy?
So, think about this and write your answer in your journal.
This may be one only thing; but if you can think of a few…
why not list them too?
Then ask yourself since when you have enjoyed doing this
and if you still continue to do this today? If you answer is no,
ask yourself why not?
Think back to a time when you started doing this and

then why you would have stopped? How did this make you
feel and do you miss this activity?
DANIEL PATRA149
Make a list of ten reasons why you enjoy this activity. Also
ask yourself whether this affected your life in a positive way?
Then continue to ask yourself – would you take this

activity up again and how would it make you feel? Does it fill
your life with purpose and an overall sense of joy?
Remember to reflect back on this. But, not only so… try

to do more of this in your life. Bring that activity back to life!
Add a spring in your step and some sparkle to your life…
take up that activity again!
150Self Esteem
Food for thought
Our responsibilities are just becoming more and more.

We have managed to get so caught up in work and our other
responsibilities, that there is not much time for anything
else.
But, by robbing ourselves from doing what we really love,

we are ultimately robbing ourselves from much needed and
well deserved joy!
The danger in this, is that we can lose our sense of inner

balance and life may become so monotonous, that we can
even lose our sense of self.
So, the next time you feel that you do not have time to
relax… just take a step back and claim some precious and
well deserved quiet time for yourself!
So something which you truly enjoy and that you are

passionate about… you may well find that this leaves you
feeling happier, refreshed and with a new found sense of
joy!
DANIEL PATRA151
"Time you enjoy wasting was not wasted."
John Lennon
152Self Esteem
DAY EIGHTEEN
Affirmation
I am focused
I am confident
I can achieve my goals
I am in charge of my life
I enjoy my sense of happiness
I see the joys in life
I am loved
Quote
“To live in joy and fully manifest our true potential, we

must let go of our desires and attachment to the past and
the future and be excited about living in the unknown.”
Eliza Mada Dalian

DANIEL PATRA153
Place your focus on celebrating the small stuff
All too often we place our focus firmly on all the big
things in our lives. From the promotion which you have
received to buying a new home, or driving a new car.
But what about the smaller stuff… you know, those

things that we tend to miss (the ones we take for granted).
Like the joy of witnessing a sunrise? Don’t miss out on all the
best stuff!
Today’s challenge is all about focusing on the smaller
stuff. Yes, not the big issues in our lives, but the small stuff –
the things we tend to miss most of the time.
Think of something small in your life, whether this is on a

personal level, or witnessing a beautiful sunrise and write
your answer in your journal.
Think back to when last you have enjoyed this; when last
have you witnessed a beautiful sunrise or sunset? When last
have you really stopped to “smell the roses?”
Be honest in your answers. This is purely just for you and

your own personal journey. Also ask yourself how not
154Self Esteem
celebrating the small stuff has affected your life. Has this
been in a positive or in a negative way?
Then make a list of ten ways in which this has brought joy
into your life. You need to acknowledge how once again, by
placing your focus firmly on the small stuff, which you have
missed; can bring that same joy back again!
Do not forget this… you may even include this in your

motivation board. Just think how inspiring it will be… to
remind yourself daily, to celebrate the small things in your
life!
So, let’s get celebrating!
Food for thought
If we had to be honest, how many times do we actually

stop to take a break and celebrate the small things in life?
We focus too much on the responsibilities that we have,

our jobs, our friends and our families and the list goes on and
on.
DANIEL PATRA155
We do not stop for long enough, to take a break, to
appreciate the small stuff, to smell the roses or marvel at a
beautiful sunset. Not to mention, a beautiful rainbow?
We need to claim some well-deserved quiet time. Not ask

for it, beg or apply for it… we need to just claim it. You may
be pleasantly surprised at how rejuvenated this will make
you feel.
You will have a new sense of joy, a revived senses of

gratitude and life will regain some of its sparkle once again…
Go in search of a beautiful sunrise!
Quiet time and a celebration of the small things in life, will

nearly feel like a much deserved mini holiday for your soul…
DAY NINETEEN
Affirmation
I am loved
I draw positivity into my life
156Self Esteem
I place my focus on that which is positive in my life
I have beautiful relationships
I love my family and friends and
My family and friends love me
I am loved
Quote
“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries.

Without them, humanity cannot survive.”
Dalai Lama XIV
Place your focus on being helpful and compassionate
Most of the time we will find that when we help others;

we experience a sense of happiness and inner wellbeing.
We feel good, when we have done something which has

touched another person’s life in a positive way. It is like
giving your body and soul a well-deserved boost!
DANIEL PATRA157
The greatest happiness comes, when we share openly for

the pure sake of sharing… without expecting anything in
return!
Today you need to open your heart. Think back to a time

where you helped someone in need. Then write the person’s
name down in your journal.
Give it some thought – think of the person that you have

helped and how it made that person feel. Then ask yourself,
how you felt at that time? (Write your answer down).
It probably felt good and you may wonder why giving

freely has such an effect on us? Also ask yourself if you have
ever been helped by another and how did this make you
feel?
Think about this for a short while and make a list of how
you feel when you do something for others. Write down at
least ten things (or as many as you possibly can). The
monitor your feelings, as you will soon find that this gives
you a definitive boost!
158Self Esteem
But, before you hurry off to go help someone again… do
not forget that you should refer back to todays’ challenge
again… anytime and every time you need a boost…
Food for thought
Without any loss or suffering in this world, there can be

no compassion.
Although this is not the easiest of lessons, we can only

learn compassion, when we have experienced pain. Pain
teaches us to be kind, loving and understanding towards
others.
It teaches us about empathy, it helps us to relate.

Sometimes the saddest of situations can bring people
together. Therein too, lies a lesson to be learned.
Think of how you touch the lives of others and how

others have touched you. Open you heart with kindness and
compassion, when you next see someone in need… as you
never know when you too may be in need of a helping hand.
“If we could look into each other’s hearts and understand

the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would
DANIEL PATRA159
treat each other much more gently, with more love,
patience, tolerance, and care.”
Marvin J. Ashton
160Self Esteem
DAY TWENTY
Affirmation
I am loving
I am forgiving
I love and forgive myself
I love and forgive other
I love my family and friends and
I am loved
Quote
“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.”
Aesop
DANIEL PATRA161
Place your focus on surrounding yourself with people who

love and care about you
Sometimes we tend to allow the wrong kinds of people

into our lives and we land up losing a sense of ourselves.
Instead, we should strive to surround ourselves with

people who love us, care about us and who bring the best
out of us.
It is a known fact that positive people are happy people.

So, next time you meet someone new, make sure that this is
someone who will add some uplifting value to your life!
For today’s challenge you will need to take a look at your

life and the people in it. You need to make a list of the
important people in your life.
Make a list of the most important people in your life, such

as family and really close friends. You do not need to include
every single person you know (as the list may be too long).
Write the names down in your journal.
162Self Esteem
Then, ask yourself what effect these people have in your
life – do they influence you in a positive or in a negative way?
Do they bring the best or the worst out of you?
Now make a list of how these individuals have touched

your life in a positive way – this will be a great indication
whether you need to change your circle of friends, or
whether you are on the right track.
Then ask yourself whether you should keep these

individuals in your life, or is it time to make a change?
These may seem like some harsh questions and you may
be facing some difficult decisions. But, your focus should be
to surround yourself with positive people – people who love
you and really care about you.
Keep your list close and do not forget those names, as

this too is of great importance and will have great impact on
your journey ahead…
Surround yourself with like-minded people… especially

those who have your best interest at heart!
Food for thought

DANIEL PATRA163
Sometimes we engage in friendships or relationships

without giving it proper thought. Only to find out at a later
stage that the person we have allowed into our life does not
have a positive effect on our emotional wellbeing.
We are all different, we have different beliefs, different

views and different personalities. But generally is can be easy
to get along with just about anybody!
Many people can easily learn to adapt. We learn to accept

each other for our differences and to accept and respect one
another just as we are.
We have the ability to look past the flaws and place our
focus on the inner beauty that urged us to make someone
our best friend!
Always strive to appreciate the beautiful people you have

in your life. Be thankful for them and cherish them…
“May you realise who the “cosmos flowers” in your life

are and learn to love, appreciate and notice them more
often.”
Jennifer Rossouw
164Self Esteem
DAY TWENTY-ONE
Affirmation
I can face my fears

I am strong enough to work through them
I will persevere
I will come out on top
I love my life and appreciate the lessons I have learned
I make wise decisions
I am loved
DANIEL PATRA165
Quote
“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.”
Aesop
Place your focus on being assertive
We do fall into a habit sometimes, when it seems to be a

wiser decision to walk away, than to raise our thoughts and
our opinions, as we feel it may cause damage to the feelings
of another.
But there is no need why we should avoid saying what we

think or feel. If we choose to do so in a kind and respectful
manner, we may find that others will respect us more at the
end of the day.
Being assertive, does not mean that you have to be a

“mean” person…
166Self Esteem
Today you need to be really honest with yourself. You
have to raise the question: I am assertive? If you are not, you
need to ask yourself why? Write your answer in your journal.
Sometimes we do not voice our thoughts and our

opinions, as we are afraid that we may hurt the feelings of
another.
Ask yourself when last you have been assertive and why?
Also ask yourself how you felt at that time? Did you hurt
anyone’s feelings? Ask yourself why you have not been
assertive since then? What changed?
Then make a list of ten points (or as many as you possibly

can) of the positive things you experienced when you were
being assertive.
Now ask yourself if you are able and/or willing to be

assertive again? If you are uncertain – what are you afraid of?
Be honest in your answers. (Write them down in your
journal).
Promise yourself that you will practice being assertive

each day – little by little, until you have finally managed to
master it.
DANIEL PATRA167
Keep your answers close by. You can copy this list and
keep this close by, as a constant reminder that you can do
this – you can be assertive and kind at the same time!
You’ve got this!
Food for thought
We do not constantly need to be afraid of hurting the

feelings of others. Sometimes people respects one more for
stepping up and being honest, than keeping quiet and
hurting inside.
We can speak our mind, our thoughts and our truth,

without the fear of being hurtful or mean towards others.
Put some though into it, before you say anything.
Ask yourself if you would be offended if this had been

said to you – if the answer is “no” then it is probably safe for
you to say what you need to say.
Always have a guard in your mind and before you say

anything, just put some serious thought into it… you will
168Self Esteem
soon realize that you are more assertive than you have ever
given yourself credit for.
Now, go out there and “speak your mind” … Gently…
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those
who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”
Dr. Seuss
DANIEL PATRA169
DAY TWENTY-TWO
Affirmation
I am gifted
I am talented
I use my gift to the best of my ability
My life is on track
I love the journey that I am on
My life is fulfilled
I am loved
Quote
“You are never given a wish without also being given the
power to make it come true. You may have to work for it,
however.”
170Self Esteem
Richard Bach
Place your focus on recognizing your strengths
It is important to know what our strengths and

weaknesses are, in order that we may know which area in
our lives, we should improve on.
Choose today, to showcase your strengths, even if you

cannot use them in your everyday life. As, you never know
who may need what you have to offer!
To know your inner strength is another strength in

itself…
Today you will need to search within – you need to

establish what your inner strengths are, if you do not know
this already. Write this down in your journal.
Give this some serious thought – ask yourself what your

strengths are – be honest in your answer.
DANIEL PATRA171
Ten ask yourself whether you have been using these
strengths in your daily life. If not, why not? Also ask yourself
when last you were able to use these strengths and why?
Also ask yourself how you felt when you were able to use
your strengths. If you are no longer using your strengths, ask
yourself what changed?
How would you feel, if you could use the strengths in

your life all the time? Also ask yourself what you can do to
incorporate these strengths into your life now?
Then make a list of ten positive ways in which your

strengths add to you as a person?
Now you need to decide how you can incorporate your

strengths into your daily life again and make a point of doing
so!
Remember, keep your journal close and refer back to this

all the time – make an extra list of you wish and place it
where you can see it every day!
Just as before…. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

172Self Esteem
Strive to use your strengths as much and as often as
possible, you never know who may need what you have to
offer…
Food for thought
Most of us have strengths, gift, and talents.
The unfortunate thing though, is that many are unable to

use their strengths, gifts and talents in their daily lives. Either
because their jobs do not require them to use this at all. Or
some have just chosen not to showcase this to the world.
We need to use hat which we have been blessed with

though, we sort of have a responsibility (a duty as such) to
do so!
So, do not “file” your strengths, your gift or your talents

away… showcase them for the word to see. You have been
blessed, honored, if you will. Do not let your gifts go to
waste.
Show the world what you are made of…

DANIEL PATRA173
“Balance, peace, and joy are the fruit of a successful life.
It starts with recognizing your talents and finding ways to
serve others by using them.”
~ Thomas Kinkade
174Self Esteem
DAY TWENTY-THREE
Affirmation
There are no mistakes, only lessons

I learn from my mistakes and move on
I take the positive from a mistake and use it in my life
I accept my journey
I trust in the process of my life
Love will always guide me
I am loved
Quote
“The more you know yourself, the more clarity there is.
Self-knowledge has no end - you don't come to an
achievement; you don't come to a conclusion. It is an
endless river.”
DANIEL PATRA175
Jiddu Krishnamurti
Place your focus on that which you are able to change
When you speak to anybody, it will soon become evident

that people tend to worry about everything in life.
However, what we should be focusing on instead, is that

which we can change; not that which we have no control
over.
Why not eliminate part of your burden – focus on that

which you are able to change and let go of the rest, it is
unnecessary baggage…
You now need to place you focus on the things you wish
to change in your life. But, you need to choose only that
which is within your power to change. Write your answer in
your journal.
Give it some serious thought – decide what you would

like to change in your life and ask yourself whether you are
able to change it – if not – let it go!
176Self Esteem
So, what would you really like to change and why? If this
is within your power to change, what steps can you take to
change it?
Ask yourself why you feel the need to change this? What
effect has this had on your life to date? Also ask yourself if
your life will be any better if you do make this change?
Make a list of ten positive ways in which your life will

change of you do this (or list as many as you possibly can).
Be honest with your answers.
But remember, that not everything is within our power to

change, so you need to come to terms with that which is
outside of your control.
Always ensure that the changes you wish to make will
have a positive effect on your life and your overall
wellbeing… avoid placing yourself under unnecessary
pressure!
Food for thought
Change is always a good thing. They say that a change is

as good as a holiday! Oh yes, it is.
DANIEL PATRA177
But, remember this one very important point… it is
pointless to worry about things which are beyond your
control!
It is also good to remember that whatever we wish to

change in our lives, should always leave us in a better
position than what we were in before.
If it is change in the word which you wish to see…

remember that change starts to us!
“You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the

same way you select your clothes every day. This is a power
you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so
bad, work on the mind. That's the only thing you should be
trying to control.”
Elizabeth Gilbert
178Self Esteem
DAY TWENTY-FOUR
Affirmation
I am happy about the journey that I am on

I accept that I am meant to learn
I will use my lessons wisely
I see the wisdom in others and
Others see the wisdom within me
I will use my knowledge wisely
I am loved
Quote
“I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their

dirty feet.”
Gandhi
DANIEL PATRA179
Place your focus on learning how to say “no”
We all do this… sometimes we just cannot say “no”, out

of fear of being disliked, or fear of being rejected.
But we also cannot go through life being “people

pleasers”, as sometimes we have to put ourselves first!
So, do not feel bad if you feel the need to say “no”. You
will be surprised at some people’s reactions… they will
actually respect you more, for taking a stand.
Today’s challenge is all about one short little word…
“no.”
If this word has not been part of you vocabulary, then
today will be a good time to take note. So, keep your journal
handy.
Ask yourself when last you have said “no” to anyone who
has asked some sort of favor from you. Be honest in your
answer (and write it down). Then ask yourself who you have
said “no” to and when?
180Self Esteem
If you have not said “no” to anyone in a very long time,
ask yourself why? What is the reason for this? What has been
preventing you from saying “no” to people?
Also ask yourself whether you are able and willing to start
saying “no” to people now?
Then make a list of at least ten positive effects (or as

many as you possible can) which you will have the benefit of,
when you do start saying “no”. Remember keep your
answers honest.
Promise yourself that you will practice saying “no” – day

by day and little by little, until you have finally managed to
master this!
Remember that by saying “no”, this does not make you

an ugly person – it will however, give you some well-
deserved freedom in your life!
You can do this!
Food for thought

DANIEL PATRA181
We are so afraid of offending others, sometimes to our
own detriment! Yet, we are the ones who are hurting inside.
You can say “no” without offending others, you just need
to gather your thoughts before you actually say it. Have you
not had people say “no” to you before? Was it really all that
bad?
Ask yourself if you would rather remain a “people

pleaser” or do you not perhaps deserve to please yourself
for a change?
Remember, that this does not mean that you care for
anyone, any less. But, you too need caring for and who
better than to offer that to you, than you yourself!
So, do not feel in any way bad, if you do say “no”.

Ultimately “no” to someone else, means “yes” to you… It is
about time that you give yourself a “yes”.
Learn to say “no” … You can do it Gently…
“Live your daily life in a way that you never lose yourself.
When you are carried away with your worries, fears,
cravings, anger and desire, you run away from yourself and
182Self Esteem
you lose yourself. The practice is always to go back to
oneself.”
Thich Nhat Hahn
DAY TWENTY-FIVE
Affirmation
I can see my life unfold

I am happy and content with my progress
I am in the right place, at the right time
Life is good – life is beautiful
I love my life, my family and friends and
I am loved
DANIEL PATRA183
Quote
“Nothing happens unless first a dream.”
Carl Sandburg
Place your focus on having dreams
It is vitally important for us to have dreams. Without

dreams we will have no hope for the future. Dreams keep us
alive, dreams keep us aspiring.
Dreams offer a vision of hope, a vision of love, as vision of

a better and brighter tomorrow – they give us something to
look forward to!
Without dreams, we will have no direction, no sense of

where to go. So, dream and ensure that you dream big!
Today you will take a sneak peek into the future; so to
speak. Give this some serious thought – you need to find that
one dream inside your heart, which you would like to fulfil.
Write it down in your journal.
184Self Esteem
Ask yourself what it is that you would really love to do?
What would make you the happiest person alive? What is it
that you heart truly desires?
Then ask yourself what dreams you had in the past and
why? When last have you focused on your dreams and why?
Also ask yourself how you felt when you had all of your
dreams? Have you given up on your dreams? If yes, why?
Then ask yourself if you would pursue your dreams again?
What steps would you need to take to fulfil your dreams?
Now make a list of all the positive aspects relating to your

dreams write down at least ten (or as many as you possibly
can). Also ask yourself what it would be like, if your dreams
could come true? And write your answer down.
Remember, dreams give us a vision, they give us hope,

they give us something to wake up and show up for!
Dreams can nearly have been seen as tiny little seeds –

seeds of endless possibilities about tomorrow.
DANIEL PATRA185
Remember your dreams and never give up on them, no
matter how unrealistic you may think they are - they are
yours and they are part of what makes you unique!
Food for thought
Dare to dream... no, don’t only dare to dream… dream

big!
Most of us have beautiful dreams of things we wish to do

and how we wish for our lives to turn out. But, as we grow
older, our dreams change too.
Sometimes we have to set our dreams aside, as we do

not have the finances to back them up, or we give up,
because our lives have changed.
But, what we should never forget is that everything in

our lives starts off with a dream. The difference between
those who are living their dreams and those who are not; is
courage!
So, find your special dream and find your inner courage to
make your dreams come true!
186Self Esteem
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed
by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do.
So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour.
Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream.
Discover.”
Mark Twain
DAY TWENTY-SIX
Affirmation
I can achieve whatever I set out to achieve

I make healthy decisions
I am where I should be
My life is just as it should be
I love and accept the journey that I am on
I have the freedom to choose how I wish to live my life
I am loved
Quote
DANIEL PATRA187
“Wisdom is your perspective on life, your sense of

balance, your understanding of how the various parts and
principles apply and relate to each other.”
Steven R. Covey
Place your focus on getting to know yourself today
If we all took the time to understand ourselves better, we

would have a better relationship with ourselves.
We would know which signs to look out for, if something

was wrong and we would instantly know how to fix it. Many
people go through life not really knowing themselves.
Yet, this is not only the best relationship, but also the
longest relationship that you will ever have – invest time in
yourself!
Today is all about you… what you like, what you need,
how you feel about your life and how you wish to continue
on this journey. Once again, use your journal to write all your
answers down.
188Self Esteem
It is important for one to know yourself – without self-

knowledge, how will you ever know what you really want?
Ask yourself what your inner being desires?
Also ask yourself what you would need to do, to get to

know yourself better? Why are these still things that you do
not know about yourself?
Also ask yourself – if you had more time to spend with

yourself, what would you spend this time on? What would
you do and why? Be honest in your answers.
Now make a list of all the positive ways in which this

would change your life. Also ask yourself what it would be
like, if you could really do this? Write your answers down.
Remember, this is about you and your journey – this is

about what you want for your life. Think things through and
decide carefully… as the outcome is in your hands.
This is an important challenge today – make sure that you

keep a special note on this one. Keep an extra journal and
learn something new about yourself every day…
DANIEL PATRA189
“Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is
Enlightenment.”
~ Lao Tzu
Food for thought
Getting to know others is easy, but getting to know

yourself is more of a challenge than you can ever imagine.
How well do we really know ourselves? Do we ever really

take all the time that is needed – as much time we would
spend on getting to know our friends?
We tend to ignore ourselves a little… as it will require

much more time and communication to get to know
ourselves, than to get to know a stranger!
But, this is a mistake… we should really spend more time

with ourselves. We deserve just as much of our own
attention than anyone else does, if not more.
So, take some quiet time… kick up your feet and spend
some time with your actual best friend… you!
190Self Esteem
“Sometimes we live our lives like puzzle pieces turned
upside down - only showing the world our grey sides. Then
along comes life, and it starts flipping them over, showing to
us and the world more than just the outline of who we are -
it shows us the colors. If we can start to turn more over and
put them together, we can see the picture of who we really
are emerge.”
Manifest
DAY TWENTY-SEVEN
I can achieve whatever I set out to achieve

I make healthy decisions
I love and accept the journey that I am on
I have the freedom to choose how I wish to live my life
I am loved
Quote
DANIEL PATRA191
“Wisdom is your perspective on life, your sense of

balance, your understanding of how the various parts and
principles apply and relate to each other.”
Steven R. Covey
Place your focus on building your confidence today
We all have a day where we do not feel as if we are

looking our complete best – our mood is a little low and so is
our level of confidence…
This is all okay, if it lasts only for one day. But, if this
continues, we should notice the danger of an underlying
problem.
But, how do we lift ourselves up on a day like this – well,

you lift someone else up first!
“The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer

somebody else up.” - Mark Twain
192Self Esteem
Today is all about you again… about your confidence.
About how you perceive yourself and how you feel about
yourself. Your general sense of inner wellbeing.
Write your answers down. Today is all about honesty too,

you need to be honest with yourself about how you feel, the
way you look and also whether you are always able to face
the world head on?
Ask yourself how you feel about your physical

appearance, how you feel about your inner sense of being
and how you feel about yourself in general, on any given
day?
Also ask yourself if you feel good about yourself most of

the time ow when you may feel a little down – who do you
feel that way – can you pinpoint the cause? If yes, do so, but
if you cannot – you need to look deeper into this side of
yourself.
Now make a list of all your positive attributes (make the

list as long as you possibly can). It is okay to compliment
yourself, do not be shy!
DANIEL PATRA193
Now duplicate this list and keep the copy close by, place
it where you can see it very day.
Allow it to serve as a daily reminder, that you are an
amazing person and you have a lot to offer!
Now repeat that… and again and again…
Food for thought
For some, the most daunting task is actually the act of

getting to know themselves.
People spend hours with family and friends, but not

nearly enough time with themselves!
This is probably why most people do not realize when

their confidence is low… they do not realize that they too
need a little boost, or they really have a serious problem.
The best gift you can give to yourself; is to get to know

yourself. Establish what you love about yourself, not only on
a physical level, but on all levels.
194Self Esteem
Establish what your strengths and weakness are, and
allow this to guide you in your life. Strive to learn more and
more about yourself, just as you would do with a new friend.
Truly knowing yourself will ease your journey!
“When you reach for the stars, you are reaching for the
farthest thing out there. When you reach deep into yourself,
it is the same thing, but in the opposite direction. If you
reach in both directions, you will have spanned the
universe.”
Vera Nazarian
DAY TWENTY-EIGHT
Affirmation
I am in the right place at the right time

Everything in life is divinely planned
I look forward to the journey ahead
I have love and abundance in my life
DANIEL PATRA195
I am loved
Quote
“People tend to be generous when sharing their nonsense,

fear, and ignorance. And while they seem quite eager to
feed you their negativity, please remember that sometimes
the diet we need to be on is a spiritual and emotional one.
Be cautious with what you feed your mind and soul. Fuel
yourself with positivity and let that fuel propel you into
positive action.”
Steve Maraboli
Place your focus on positive thoughts today
It if a known fact that we feel generally happier, when we

have a positive and healthy outlook on life.
Keep your thoughts in check and the rest of your life will
all fall into place…
196Self Esteem
Today’s challenge is all about positive thinking. So you
will need to focus on your thoughts and your feelings.
Write your answers in your journal and remember to be

honest with yourself.
Ask yourself what you most positive thoughts have been

and how you felt when you were thinking these thoughts?
Also ask yourself if you can remember the last time you felt
so positive?
If you have not had positive thoughts for a while – ask

yourself why and what changed? Why has your thought
pattern shifted?
Also ask yourself what you can do to change this? What

would you need to do to get your thought back onto a
positive track?
Now make a list of ten positive thoughts which you have

had in your life – this could date back to any time in your life,
this is entirely up to you.
Now duplicate this list and keep the copy close by – paste
it onto your motivation board, think of you own positive
DANIEL PATRA197
quotes or make use of the quotes that we have used in this
book. Once again the choice is yours!
But, before you run, to grab your motivations board…

remember this – whatever you do, do not forget your
positive thoughts!
Always look for the positive side to everything in life… by

doing so, you will soon realize that more positivity will find
you!
Food for thought
Keep your thoughts and your feelings in check and you

will experience more happiness than you ever have before.
We are at an ultimate high, when your thoughts are pure

and positive and we have a firm “hold on our lives”. But,
when this is lacking, we tend to attract more of the wrong
things into our lives.
Therefore, always strive to place your focus firmly on that

which is from a positive origin and you will attract more
positivity into your life.
198Self Esteem
Strive to live your life from a place of joy and with sheer
enthusiasm – strive to live your best life today!
“Maybe we should develop a Crayola bomb as our next

secret weapon. A happiness weapon. A beauty bomb. And
every time a crisis developed, we would launch one. It
would explode high in the air - explode softly - and send
thousands, millions, of little parachutes into the air. Floating
down to earth - boxes of Crayola’s.
And we wouldn't go cheap, either - not little boxes of
eight. Boxes of sixty-four, with the sharpener built right in.
With silver and gold and copper, magenta and peach and
lime, amber and umber and all the rest. And people would
smile and get a little funny look on their faces and cover the
world with imagination.”
~ Robert Fulghum
DAY TWENTY-NINE
Affirmation
Who I am is important
What I do makes a difference
DANIEL PATRA199
I add value to my life and the lives of others
I exude love, joy and inner peace
I see the love, joy and inner peace in others and
They see the love, joy and inner peace within me
I am loved
QUOTE
“Love… What is love? Love is to love someone for who

they are, who they were, and who they will be.”
Chris Moore
PLACE YOUR FOCUS ON ANYTHING YOU LOVE ABOUT

YOURSELF
If we quiet our minds long enough, we will find many

aspects of ourselves, which we do actually love.
But, instead we tend to choose to be so busy, so we

would not need to face that part of ourselves, we hide
200Self Esteem
behind our responsibilities and would keep on putting this
off until another day and another day…
Why are we so afraid to face ourselves? Yet, we have

been around and have known ourselves for quite some time!
Today you need to journey inward, with love and brutal

honesty. Ask yourself what it is that you love about yourself.
Write your answer down in your journal.
You may choose a physical, a mental, emotional or any

aspect or feature which you love about yourself – the choice
is entirely yours!
If you wish to choose more than one particular thing, feel

free to do so too. This is about you and your journey to gain
confidence and build your self-esteem.
Ask yourself what it is that you really love about yourself.

Also ask yourself why you love this particular feature or
aspect?
Also ask yourself whether you felt this way in the past
and if you did not – why not? What changed your perception
of yourself?
DANIEL PATRA201
Make list of how these aspects or features affect your life

in a positive way. (List as many as you possibly can). You can
copy this list too - keep it close by and you can change it or
add to it whenever you feel the need.
Make a promise to yourself today, that you will strive to

acknowledge this in your life every day.
Also make yourself a promise that you will always strive

to find something that you love about yourself.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Although many may choose not to acknowledge or admit

this… a little bit of self-love goes a long way.
Think about this… if we do not love ourselves, how can

we allow anyone else to love us in any way? Love is not
something we just do for others; it should be something we
also do for ourselves.
We should ask ourselves - are we not as deserving of our

own love and in the same way as others are? Do we not also
possess the same beautiful qualities as another?
202Self Esteem
The answer to this question is a definite yes! So, strive to

treat yourself with love and care, just as you would a family
member or your best friend.
Embark on a beautiful new journey, a journey of self-love,

self-respect and a sense of confidence… start your journey
today!
“Unconditional love is the greatest gift of all.”

Sylvia Massara, "The Soul Bearers"
DAY THIRTY
Affirmation
I am happy
I am worthy
I am important
I am valuable
Who I am makes a difference
I add value to the lives of all who cross my path
DANIEL PATRA203
I am loved
204Self Esteem
QUOTE
“The greatest thing you will ever give to the world is your
commitment to leave what you find in better condition
than the way you found it. Leave a single light in a place
where there was once darkness so those coming behind
you may see further and begin where you left.”
Tonny K. Brown
PLACE YOUR FOCUS ON HAVING GOALS
Just as important as it is to have dreams, tit is also

important that we have goals. Without goals we will never
strive to better ourselves.
Goals keep us focused and can offer us a measuring post.

Goals give us something to look forward to!
Without goals, everything will remain the same…
Today is you your last day! So, today you need to focus on
your journey ahead. Today you need to do some serious
thinking – you need to decide on a future goal!
DANIEL PATRA205
Decide what you wish this goal to be and write it in your

journal. You need to find that one thing, which you really
wish to achieve.
Once you have decided on your goal, ask yourself which

steps you would need to take to achieve this goal? Is this
within reason – can you achieve this goal?
Also ask yourself how you feel about setting this goal –
are you excited or are you afraid and ask yourself why?
Then make a list of ten benefits which you will enjoy in

your life, when you reach this goal. Just think of every aspect
in your life, which this will change…
Remember to keep all of this in your journal too, so you

can measure your progress. The beauty in this is, once you
have reached this goal – you will be ready to set another and
another!
Remember that goals are a very positive driving force in

our lives, not only do they keep us focused, but they give us
something to look forward to… a bigger, better and brighter
future! Reach for the stars!!!
206Self Esteem
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
There is a beautiful quote, which relates more to dreams,

but it fits so well with the challenge today…
“When you find a dream inside your heart, never let it go,
for dreams are the seeds from which beautiful tomorrow’s
grow.”
As you journey forth and set new goals for yourself,

remember this – always give yourself credit, where credit is
due!
Never underestimate the power of your dreams, your

vision or your goals – You have to power to change your life.
The beautiful thing is… you have already started…
May you conquer your goals!
May you conquer your wildest dreams!
Congratulations on finishing this challenge!

Conclusion
Final Thoughts
• Our self-esteem can be affected by various factors,

aspects and situations, both in and outside of our
lives.
• To maintain high self-esteem requires self-
knowledge.
• Self-knowledge requires us to spend time within
ourselves.
• It is vitally important to know what the signs and
symptoms are of low self-esteem, so we may
identify when we have a problem and do the
necessary to rectify these situation – so we may
once again experience balance and joy in our lives.
• Always trust your instincts.
• Always monitor your thoughts and your feelings.
• Remember this the contents in this book is purely a
guide to assist you on your journey to improving
your self-esteem.
• Always remember that life is a journey – enjoy it!
207
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Self Esteem

YOUR ULTIMATE GUIDE TO HELP YOU

The information in this book should be regarded as a

The 30 Day Self Esteem Challenge...............................1

This book is a guide that helps you to simplify your

To optimize your life, that is, to make it the best that

The word “Self-Esteem” is generally defined as the

It signifies various aspects of a person, such as self-

Thus, there are various layers that make up our own

It may well be an unknown fact to many, that our self-

Having low self-esteem could prevent one from living the

It can also affect your professional relationships and the

Furthermore, a high level of self-esteem will enhance

We can break self-esteem down into various facets and it

Self-esteem cannot be defined as consisting of one

What we need to acknowledge when discussing or

What needs to be considered is the way in which you are

Then there are also other external factors, such as the

Another factor to consider, is that we are living such fast

Your job and your surroundings also play an important

We can therefore conclude that self-esteem ultimately

Aspects which affect the

As mentioned earlier, there are various aspects which

• Your Goals and your Purpose

• External Factors and Surroundings

We will go into much deeper detail on each of these

This relates to how you perceive yourself. How you feel

We should consider the fact that we live in an era where

It has also become more and more common nowadays

Apart from the internal aspects, such as ones inner

People have also become more fashion conscious, some

We are also generally conditioned from a very young age,

Therefore, we grow up believing that we should all “look

Then, by the time we think that we have survived

Great emphasis is placed on our physical appearance and

Although we can agree that the importance of physical

Thus, in short, the way in which you perceive your

Be who you are, be proud of it, live it and own it!

It also includes your perception of your personal and

Perception is probably one of the biggest culprits in our

Yet, each of us have our own specific view of ourselves.

Having a positive perception about yourself is not

This self-knowledge is vital for building a healthy level of

Once your perception of yourself changes to that of a

To take this one level further, perception also comes into

If you are unhappy in your life or with your surroundings,

Most people make this mistake to add value to the

Once again, this can lower ones self-esteem substantially

Give yourself a boost of confidence, by perceiving

There are various factors which affect our emotional

“Internal” also refers to your personal feelings and this

Therefore, if you already have a negative perception of

You can therefore see how all these aspects are

It is much like an entire network and it is therefore

It does so happen at times, that we feel “less happy” or

This is where your professional life (your job) and your

Even world events or events in our society can affect our