Name- Akshat Garg

Course Instructor- Rita Kothari

Course Title- Literature and the World

Prompt : Family and Silences

Families in Hushed Conversations: The Weight of Silence

Historically, in the joint culture of India, families have been regarded as the nucleus of social
identity, collective decision-making, and emotional nurturing. 1 However, today’s landscape
reflects a disturbing trend of familial disintegration, propelled by unexpected outbursts and
unresolved misunderstandings. Are subtle but potent undercurrent of silences that persist
within family dynamics the root cause of this rupture? By ‘Silence’ I do not merely mean an
absence of words, but a reservoir of unexpressed emotions, unhealed wounds, and unspoken
truths that shape the course of familial evolution in complex ways.

Through the lens of Vivek Shanbhag's "Ghachar Ghochar" and Mahesh Dattani's "Dance
Like A Man," this essay endeavours to unravel the various types of silences embedded within
family relationships, decipher the underlying consequences of unresolved conflicts, which
can echo through generations, leading to intergenerational strife and emotional turmoil.

In a family, use of silence is the most easily misinterpreted. Even in the simple act of an elder
scolding a young member, the latter’s silence can create a variety of thoughts in the former’s
mind. It could indicate a noisy silence of resentment towards the speaker, or a baffled silence
of confusion about the situation2, or maybe, simply, genuine submission for the mistake. Such

1
Chadda, Rakesh K, et al. Lines 1-4

2
Reynolds, Marcia. “9 Types of Silence and the Impact of Each.” Transformational Coaching and Effective
Leadership, 28 Jan. 2020, covisioning.com/9-types-of-silence-and-the-impact-of-each-one/.

1
kinds of possibilities often create misunderstandings and conflicts that gradually breed spite
in the family which ultimately result in separation.

Silence on discussion of a particular matter is often used to repress it or lock it away; more
commonly referred to as denial of the matter. However, keeping something quiet does not
stay that way forever. The eluded matter has the ability to seep through, and when it does, it
can create an enormous impact. 3 Such long drawn sensitive issues – stayed silent upon – can
come back in the form of taunts made accidentally or even intentionally. A similar instance is
seen in the text “Dance like a Man” whereby Ratna suddenly questions her husband’s
masculinity just because she was under the stress of her daughter, Lata’s upcoming
performance. 4

JAIRAJ (abruptly): Do you think we would have been happier if we hadn’t come back?
.
.
RATNA: Why bring it up now after forty . . .
JAIRAJ: You brought it up. What did you say? I stopped being a man for you because we
couldn’t survive on our own . . .
. .
.
RATNA: You mustn’t take notice of what I say when I’m upset.

It is clearly evident that Jairaj’s old wounds of his father’s disapproval and censure are
opened up with this abrupt discussion. In a similar manner, Ratna’s internal conflict of failing
as a devoted mother brims atop at Jairaj’s mention of Shankar’s name.5

3
Vinuales, Maria. “Pacts of Silence in Family Drama.” Exploring Your Mind, 18 Aug. 2019,
exploringyourmind.com/pacts-of-silence-in-family-drama/.

4
Dattani, Mahesh. “Dance Like a Man”, Penguin India, 2006, pp. 32-32

5
Dattani, Mahesh. pp. 34-34

2
JAIRAJ: ……….Like . . . guilt? You forgive me and I forgive you. Forgive what you did to
Shankar . . .
RATNA: Don’t mention that name to me! …… Oh! (Weakly.) You promised. Oh, I only
wish . .

People often think about their silent matters internally, but never gather the courage to
express to others because they map rip out old mental wounds.

Since their youth, the dancer couple avoided conversation on such sensitive and complicated
matters – ultimately falling silent and unwilling to discuss them. Over time, such incidents
get increasingly bothersome for them with continued retrospection. The biggest repercussion
was the false reality that Lata lived in, wherein she believed Jairaj to have deep respect6 for
her grandfather and their ancestral home, while in truth, there was nothing except pure
hatred7.

In the context of “Ghachar Ghochar”, silence is used to preserve the hierarchy and authority
of the actors in the family dynamics. The family’s transition from financial struggle to
newfound affluence not only alters their economic circumstances but also serves as a catalyst
for a series of changes in the family's dynamics. Chikappa replaces Appa at the top of the
hierarchy making him the revered figure in the house. He always maintains a powerful
silence with him, which exhibits his binding authority over the family’s decisions. Each
family member feels responsible to protect their sole breadwinner – Chikappa – and thus
“never contested any decision he made”.8

Chikappa’s silence during Suhasini’s visit and his reluctance to intervene are augmented by
the author and Appa who also choose to overlook the predicament through their own versions
of silences. The entire fiasco of extorting Malati’s gold from her husband’s home was
orchestrated by Chikappa, and even though Amma, Appa and the author did not approve of
such savage method, they chose to repress their thoughts.

6
Dattani, Mahesh. pp. 12-12, Dialogue 1
7
Dattani, Mahesh. pp. 28-28, Dialogue 10
8
Shanbhag, Vivek. “Ghachar Ghochar”, Harper Perennial, 2015, pp. 14-14

3
Due to the family’s social mobility, the silence surrounding significant issues amplifies,
leaving emotional chasms that only widen over time. The author recounts that before their
affluence, all family members knew about Appa’s work – the source of their sustenance- and
all of them collectively helped in Appa’s affairs. There used to be full transparency on
matters of income and expenditure with no silence. 9 The family’s harmony, at that time, was
able to manage Malati’s outspoken and crude behaviour with such ease that she would
exchange casual confidences with the author about her life. However, after the success of
Sona Masala, the author could not even “think of words to say” to console her sobbing sister
at her failed marriage.10

The status of the author’s personal income and job roles was another issue the whole family
stayed silent on, except for his wife. Anita – an “outsider”- constantly attempted to reform the
family’s ways by breaking silence on the hard conversations that needed to take place. 11
the
author always agreed with Anita’s ideals privately, but never “opened his mouth” to support
his wife in front of his family members. 12 He was never able to reinforce Anita’s opinions in
the family whether in the case of correcting Malati’s actions, or the injustice done to Suhasini
or even in his complacent behaviour towards work.

Both of these texts reveal how silence can initially function as a shield for protection and
preservation, however, it often catalyses conflict and disintegration, leading to profound
psychological and emotional repercussions for the individuals involved. Through an analysis
of these literary works, we gain a deeper understanding of the intricate interplay between
silence and familial bonds, ultimately recognizing the pivotal role that communication and
open dialogue play in fostering healthy and sustainable familial relationships.

9
Shanbhag, Vivek. pp. 48-48
10
Shanbhag, Vivek. pp. 36-37
11
Shanbhag, Vivek. pp. 55-55

12
Shanbhag, Vivek. pp. 59-59

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 Works Cited

1. Dattani, Mahesh. “Dance Like a Man”, Penguin India, 2006

2. Shanbhag, Vivek. “Ghachar Ghochar”, Harper Perennial, 2015
3. Chadda, Rakesh K, and Koushik Sinha Deb. “Indian Family Systems, Collectivistic
Society and Psychotherapy.” Indian Journal of Psychiatry, U.S. National Library of
Medicine, Jan. 2013, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3705700/.
4. Reynolds, Marcia. “9 Types of Silence and the Impact of Each.” Transformational
Coaching and Effective Leadership, 28 Jan. 2020, covisioning.com/9-types-ofsilence-
and-the-impact-of-each-one/.
5. Vinuales, Maria. “Pacts of Silence in Family Drama.” Exploring Your Mind, 18 Aug.
2019, exploringyourmind.com/pacts-of-silence-in-family-drama/.