Better off dead

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/34856938.

Rating: Not Rated

Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Category: M/M
Fandom: 人渣反派自救系统 - 墨香铜臭 | The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System -
Mòxiāng Tóngxiù
Relationship: Original Luò Bīnghé/Original Shěn Qīngqiū, Original Shěn Qīngqiū &
Qiū Hǎitáng, Liǔ Míngyān & Original Shěn Qīngqiū
Character: Original Shěn Qīngqiū, Original Luò Bīnghé, Qiū Hǎitáng
Additional Tags: Past Rape/Non-con, Kinda messed up, Bingge being an ass but then
getting slapped with the truth so now he's trying to be better, Angst
Language: English
Stats: Published: 2021-10-31 Words: 6,321 Chapters: 1/1

Better off dead

by hasa3810

Summary

Shen Qingqiu no longer glares, no longer spits poison, no longer fights back. Instead, all
that Luo Binghe could bring back was a shell.

This thing isn't the Shizun he once knew, but it's all he has left.

Notes

I forgot I had this in my drafts. Please enjoy.

See the end of the work for more notes

There is an emperor who presided over all the realms. He is extremely strong, unbelievably
attractive, and very charismatic. This emperor is short of nothing. He rose from nothing and despite
all his arduous trials, he overcame each and every one of them.

Now, that same emperor can be seen carrying a tray of food towards a courtyard. In a harem with
thousands of beauties, courtyards are not uncommon. Those of high standing will receive their own
personal dwellings while those of lower standings will have to share compounds.

This courtyard is not as grand as Xiao Gongzhu's own. There are no pillars with gold dragons,
expensive vases and paintings, or even a single servant to be found. Unlike Sha Hualing who's
chambers are more dark and wild, this courtyard is quite quaint. It's not as big as Liu Mingyan's
palace but it isn't small. There is a field of grass as well a stone pathway leading to a pavilion near
the lily pad filled lake. And surrounding it is a bamboo grove.

Bamboo does not grow in the demon realm. It has to be planted by hand. But Luo Binghe would
not let That Person stray. His harem is a treacherous place and he would sooner kill them all than
let That Person come to harm. So That Person has to stay in Luo Binghe's palace in the demon
realm.

Luo Binghe pushes the door to the courtyard open with a hand, the other busy keeping the tray
from falling. He easily makes his way through the hallways and courtyards and towards the
bedroom of That Person.

As previously stated, there are no maids or servants here. Only one person lives in this entire
palace and only one person keeps this place clean. Luo Binghe only ever needed to make sure one
room was clean but would still go out of his way to keep the entire courtyard clean. Guards aren’t
stationed around the palace. Instead, there is an array surrounding the palace to keep any intruders
from coming in.

Luo Binghe sets the tray down on a table. He unpacks the contents of the tray; century egg congee,
tea, and a stick of tanghulu.

There are two seats on the table and two cushions on the low table. Yet, none of the seats are ever
used by That Person. Only Luo Binghe ever sat in them.

Once satisfied with setting the table, Luo Binghe makes his way to the broom closet. He gently
opens the door to the broom closet, taking special care not to disrupt the person hiding inside.

"Shizun," Luo Binghe says softly. "It's time to eat."

The figure on the floor is hunched over and curled in on himself as if trying to use as little space as
possible. He's dressed in fine quality robes made only for the most sensitive of skins. But there are
no designs or embroidery on them. The person's hair is overly long from years of not cutting it.

Shen Qingqiu unwraps his hands from around his knees and gets up. His shoulders droop and he
only looks at the floor, quiet and fearful of the other individual in the room. As he walks, his
overly long hair drags behind his feet.

Luo Binghe moves far, far away from Shen Qingqiu. Not even his shoes appear in Shen Qingqiu's
line of sight.

"Thanking Junshang," Shen Qingqiu mumbles despite not making a move to eat by the table.

Luo Binghe winces. No matter how many times he's heard it, he will not get used to Shen Qingqiu
speaking like that. His voice is so quiet that whatever he just said almost went unsaid.

"You can call me Binghe," Luo Binghe tells him. Not for the first time of course.

He's wanted to hear Shen Qingqiu call him by his name for so long but he knows that he'll also
never get to hear it. Whereas back then, it was because of Shen Qingqiu's grudge, the reasoning
now is different. Every time Shen Qingqiu had addressed him with anything other than Junshang, a
form of respect and a show of authority, he would be met with inhumane punishments. The lightest
punishment Shen Qingqiu had ever received was being whipped until he passed out. Another
memorable one was being forced to eat bits of his own dismembered arm.

Shen Qingqiu doesn't say anything to that, just stands in the middle of the room. Luo Binghe is still
a small distance away from him. Any closer and he might start to go into hysterics again.

Shen Qingqiu does not sit at tables for one reason. He was not allowed to. Luo Binghe had made
sure to ingrain the message that Shen Qingqiu is less than human by having him kneel like a dog.

"You can sit," Luo Binghe offers from his spot. He's nowhere near the chairs but he's still offering.

But Shen Qingqiu remains fixed in place.

So Luo Binghe makes quick strides to take the bowl of century egg congee from the table and
place it on the floor. In that short moment, he's already caught Shen Qingqiu's eyes widening in
panic and his body stilling in fear.

A pang hits his heart, he hates this sight more than anything else. But he also knows that it is
entirely deserved.

He doesn't want the human to look at him in fear, but it's all the emotion he will get from him.

It's not that Shen Qingqiu isn't allowed to sleep on the bed or eat at the table now. He has a bed, a
table, and the offer to call Junshang by his name always stands.

But Luo Binghe had physiologically conditioned him to never accept these offers. Luo Binghe had
offered him a bed to sleep on, a chair to sit on, and a name, not a title, to call him by. But every
time Shen Qingqiu had taken him up on those offers, back when he was still himself, he had been
met with unbearable punishments.

So he won't take his chances anymore.

Even if Luo Binghe wanted him to sit at a table like a normal person and eat without instructions,
the lessons he had previously ingrained into his Shizun's head are too stubborn to be removed. But
he wouldn't blame Shen Qingqiu, never. He had carried out all those punishments and torture
sessions with his own hands in ignorance. The last time he tried yelled and screamed at Shen
Qingqiu to not fear him, the man went catatonic for days. (Luo Binghe had thought he died again.
If his Shizun did die again because of him, he might really lose his mind.)

Luo Binghe instructed Shen Qingqiu to start eating and smiled bitterly to himself.

No matter how much he wanted Shen Qingqiu to smile at him, to gently caress his head, to just say
his name, it will simply never happen.

And he only has himself to blame.

Before Luo Binghe had learned the truth, before when he still had a chance to make things right, he
only wanted to make things hurt. Methods of torture, ways to make Shen Qingqiu scream, his head
was still filled with nothing but thoughts of Shen Qingqiu even back then.

Luo Binghe had ripped off Shen Qingqiu's arms but it did not erase all the pain that man had
inflicted upon him in the past. He had gouged out Shen Qingqiu's right eye yet the hate filled glare
still remained. Even now, he could still hear Shen Qingqiu's barbed words.

(And now, he can only laugh at himself for being such an idiot. He didn't realize how much his life
revolved around Shen Qingqiu back then. Even if he were to kill Shen Qingqiu, he would still
never move on.)

What can he do to Shen Qingqiu to truly cement their position? Shen Qingqiu needed to learn his
place but he won't learn it now matter how hard Luo Binghe torments him. This had started to get
on the demon's nerves. After several days of frustration, he was overcome with a wonderful idea.

Shen Qingqiu wasn't alone, not truly at least. He still had someone who was willing to save him.
And maybe Shen Qingqiu was still waiting to be saved. Was that where his stubbornness came
from? The persistent belief that he might be saved?

But Yue Qingyuan is such a pathetic man. Luo Binghe still firmly believes in this after learning the
truth. If anything, he would find the man to be worthless and even more pathetic than he already
thought.

(That man has everything Luo Binghe could've ever wanted when he was still young and weak!
That man had power, prestige, charisma, even Shizun's favor! Even if Shizun spat poisoned words,
Yue Qingyuan was still the man he held in the highest regards. It wasn't fair.)

A plan was devised to take down the sect master of Cang Qiong Mountain. No matter how
pathetic, Yue Qingyuan is called the strongest cultivator of his generation for a reason. Even armed
with Xin Mo, Luo Binghe doubts that he would be able to win against Yue Qingyuan without
taking a big loss.

Shen Qingqiu's severed legs served as a good bait for the man.

And when Luo Binghe brought back the shattered shard of Xuan Su, he was so sure that he finally
won against Shen Qingqiu.

That prideful, arrogant, scummy bastard of a man will finally know what it's like to fall. Without
his only ally, no matter how useless, surely Shen Qingqiu will understand that his world is centered
around Luo Binghe now.

But Shen Qingqiu just stared at the metal shards. For a moment, he looked so confused. But that
moment was gone so quickly and replaced with. . .what was it replaced with? A sense of lost?
Heartache? Nostalgia maybe? Luo Binghe does not understand why he feels so wronged.

Unable to bear it, Luo Binghe gathers the pathetic shards of a pathetic man and crushes them in his
fist. He is not so foolish as to let Shen Qingqiu potentially escape him through death, no matter
how unlikely it seemed. And when he crushed the shards, something had been crushed inside of
Shen Qingqiu as well.

Luo Binghe wanted to win, and he did.

So why did it feel like he had lost?

Clearly, Shen Qingqiu is mocking him. That mangled human stick doesn't respond much to the
whiplashes anymore. He doesn't even scream as loud as he used to when Luo Binghe dug his hands
into his belly, wrapping his claws around his organs and squeezing them so hard they bursted.

Luo Binghe does not like it when Shen Qingqiu doesn't respond properly.

It's like Shen Qingqiu is somehow already dead and all that's left is an empty useless husk.
Basking in the afterglow of sex, Luo Binghe calmly brushes the hair out of Qiu Haitang's face. He's
much calmer now that the effects of Xin Mo have subsided. Holding a beautiful woman in his arms
after sex did always feel therapeutic.

Lazily, Qiu Haitang traces her finger in circles on Luo Binghe's chest.

"What troubles you, My Lord?" She asks sweetly.

Luo Binghe hums and looks at her. Her face has a slight resemblance to someone he's sure he
knows. It's in the back of his mind, he's sure he'll get to it later.

"Nothing that Tang'er has to worry about," Luo Binghe tells her. "It's only slight trouble with Shen
Qingqiu."

Qiu Haitang's face darkens immediately at the name of her former fiancé. Ah, that's right. Shen
Qingqiu was scum even as a child. He murdered an entire household and burned down even the
manor, not leaving a single trace behind. Only a conniving bastard like Shen Qingqiu would do
something like that to a family that's treated him with nothing but kindness.

"Is he being stubborn again? Tang'er can help!" Qiu Haitang offers him eagerly. Her eyes gleam
sadistically at the opportunity of being able to harm the man who ruined her life.

"No, it's not that. Shen Qingqiu just hasn't been responding much anymore."

Qiu Haitang thinks for a moment. So Shen Qingqiu hasn't been responding much in torture
sessions and it's annoying her husband. She would have been annoyed too. Then a brilliant idea
flashes before her mind. She's heard rumors about how her former fiancé acted towards his female
disciples and the perfect punishment already formed in her mind. How can those girls die in peace
if that lecherous scum doesn't get his due justice?

"He's a lecherous pervert who frequents brothels and preys on his female disciples," Qiu Haitang
reiterates what she's heard from rumors. "And Lord Luo has so many hardworking soldiers."

Oh!

Luo Binghe smiles at her, grinning at the human girl's innuendos. Certainly, demons are cruel, but
humans are just as cruel as well.

It would be so humiliating for his Shizun, that disgusting bastard, to have his legs spread by the
demons whom he hated so much. What better revenge for a man like Shen Qingqiu than to have
him become a bed warmer?

It's not like he has any more use for Shen Qingqiu. That man has already been dragged through
countless puddles of mud, what's one more going to do? At least this way, Luo Binghe can ensure
that Shen Qingqiu won't ever have a single moment of rest.

His soldiers are all very hardworking and even though a human stick would still serve its purpose
as a cock sleeve, wouldn't it be nice for his former Shizun to get his limbs back? The process itself
would be excruciating too. Those who work under him are always rewarded well for their service.

Grain, protection, land, property, trinkets, all sorts of rewards depending on the accomplishments.
Luo Binghe would consider himself a generous man. After all, he's even going to give Shen
Qingqiu his limbs back for a very important role!

Qiu Haitang had been the one to suggest turning his Shizun into a whore but that was before she
knew her entire childhood was a lie, before she knew that her revenge had been nothing more than
a farce of her own ignorance and stupidity.

She had watched Shen Jiu get fucked by demons multiple times. Each time, she took satisfaction in
knowing that he was suffering. She got to witness his suffering and she delighted in it.

There was a time, when Shen Jiu was still being mounted like a bitch, that her former fiancé
reached his hand out to her, begging and pleading for her to help put a stop to this.

But Qiu Haitang only smirked cruelly and laughed out loud, even going as far as encouraging the
demons to continue their hard work.

Even if she had the authority to help, why should she? This man murdered her family and set fire
to her home. She had no reason to help the man she hated most in life. The look on Shen Jiu's face
when she laughed at him, the way his face just shattered, had been very satisfying.

She knew that she was not the only one who took great pleasure in Shen Jiu's suffering. She was
not the only one who tortured Shen Jiu and she was not the only one who enjoyed knowing that
man was being used by demons like a common prostitute.

Liu Mingyan, a very beautiful girl who was also a cultivator from Cang Qiong Mountain, had told
her that her beloved brother died at the hands of Shen Jiu. They had formed a bond over how that
lecherous scum murdered their good brothers. Qiu Haitang pitied the poor girl, completely
understanding her revenge.

But that was then, this is now.

Nothing was the same anymore. Ever since Luo Binghe had brought Shen Jiu back using the Holy
Mausoleum, he had changed.

She couldn't even recognize them as the same person anymore.

This. . .person? Thing? that Luo Binghe revived was so easily bullied, tearing up and cowering at
the slightest signs. Not even signs of anger or violence, just signs of people.

It could be demons or humans, but Shen Jiu would still cover his head and shut his eyes, like he
thought that by closing them, he wouldn't feel as much pain.

So stupid.

But Qiu Haitang's heart clenched in guilt as she reminded herself that the reason her A-Jiu was like
this was because of her. The more she looks at him, the more her heart itches and the more she
wants to claw it out.

She thinks she might have gone a little mad.

Shen Jiu looks so out of place with his overly long hair and giant mass of red robes.
"If you need a place to hide, you can hide in my room," Qiu Haitang tells him. Her hands are
shaking, but not as much as the person across from her.

"Just like old times," She continues.

That's right, it can be just like the old times when A-Jiu hid in her room to hide from her brother.
As a child, she had found it adorable and amusing, not knowing how much this privilege would
matter to her. They can go back to how everything used to be like, back when she was the only
light in A-Jiu's damp world.

"You can trust me, you can trust Tang'er. You know that I wouldn't let you get hurt," She tells him
almost desperately. She tries to reach for A-Jiu's hands, wanting to hold them comfortingly.

But A-Jiu takes a frantic step back, holding his hands to his chest.

He's scared of her, and that drives Qiu Haitang mad.

She picks up a vase and throws it against the wall. It creates a loud slam and many shards of
ceramic hit the floor. Her fit doesn't end with just the vase. She tore through expensive paintings
and snapped many well made brushes in her madness. This room was made to look exactly like the
one from her childhood. It was erected as a place where A-Jiu can find solace but no matter how
much she tries to keep him in here, he's stills scared.

It's not fair.

She didn't know. If she did, if only she did. . .

"I"M NOT MY BROTHER! I'M NOT HIM! SO DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT!"

But when she takes a look at A-Jiu, who was crouched on the floor with his back pressed against
the wall and his face shivering body hidden behind a veil of hair, she feels all her anger leave her
body. A-Jiu doesn't trust her, doesn't even recognize her. And that makes it hurt more because A-
Jiu knows instinctively not to trust her.

"I'm not him. . ." She says once more.

I'm worse than him.

If Luo Binghe had a wish, it would be to kill Ming Fan and his other Shixiongs another hundred
times. It's their fault that he was so blind to Shizun's kindness. It was because they kept using
Shizun's name when they were tormenting him that he bore such a deep grudge against the man.

It's Ming Fan's fault that he never got the manual that Shizun specially prepared just for him. It was
Ming Fan's jealousy that stunted his cultivation and Shen Qingqiu had been the one to take the
blame for it.

Luo Binghe would give anything just to have Shen Qingqiu pat his head again.

When he went to that mysterious world with the crybaby version of him and a Shizun who wasn't
dead. He needed to understand why that Shizun was so kind while his wasn't.
What was it that separated him and his counterpart? Why were their experiences with Shen
Qingqiu so different?

He couldn't go back to his own world yet, not when this question was burning his insides.

But with each world he visited, his questions were never answered.

In some, his counterparts repeated the same actions as him. They all burned down Cang Qiong
Mountain just as he had. They took over as the ruler of the three realms with a harem of countless
beauties. (They didn't look as happy as that crybaby.)

But in many more, Shen Qingqiu and Luo Binghe had fostered a good relationship.

There would be that rough start, usually the tea pouring ceremony. But in those good worlds, the
two of them would become close. In all of them, Luo Binghe had loved Shen Qingqiu. And in most
of them, Shen Qingqiu had returned his affections. But there would be the occasional odd world out
where Luo Binghe never had his demonic heritage revealed and continued on as a faithful, filial
disciple of Qing Jing Peak. So idealistic that it almost deemed like a daydream.

This baffled the demon lord.

Why? Why? Why?

How was it that those versions of him were able to see past their hatred and were able to reconcile
with their own Shen Qingqiu while he wasn't? If he had copied their actions, would he too have
been able to live a happy life like they had?

When Luo Binghe went back to his own world, the world where he climbed the highest peak and
ruled over everyone beneath him, he confronted his old master.

Meng Mo, who had nothing to teach him anymore, only looked at him with mock pity and
exasperation. Luo Binghe did not have the patience to deal with it so he only demanded to see Shen
Qingqiu's memories.

All those worlds did not answer his questions.

Why did Shen Qingqiu hate him?

Most of his copies had started the same as him. But what was it that allowed them such a blessing
as a Shen Qingqiu who didn't hate him while his own hated him so much?

Shen Jiu was not a wanted child.

He never had any grand dreams for splendor.

He only wanted a quiet life.

Yet even so. . .

Shen Qingqiu is a complicated person.

Luo Binghe should have just done this sooner to avoid any misunderstandings. If he had just
visited Shen Qingqiu's memories sooner himself, he wouldn't need to rely on an ancient demon for
help.

Shen Qingqiu is not necessarily cruel, or rather, his aloofness and separation from his humanity is
just a product of his experiences. Shen Qingqiu is quite kind, but hides it under snarky words and
snide eyes.

Just like in those other worlds, the tea that had been splashed on him was medicinal tea used to
heal one's wounds. Shizun had him brew the tea and then splashed him with it because he was
wounded.

The fake manual that was given to him wasn't something that Shen Qingqiu had given to him. It
was just Ming Fan who used Shizun's name and handed him a fake that would severely harm his
cultivation. Luo Binghe had been lucky to find Meng Mo before his cultivation had been ruined
beyond repair.

Shen Qingqiu had prepared a manual for a physical cultivator like him, but it was never given to
him.

The one who saved his arm from being broken the same day he lost his precious jade pendant was
the same person who found his lost pendant. Shen Qingqiu had meant to give it to him after he
returned from the Immortal Alliance Conference. Who else would manipulate bamboo leaves like
that?

(Was that why all those versions of him who didn't have a harem of flowers and the world at the
feet have a jade Guanyin pendant around tier neck? Was that why they looked at Shen Qingqiu like
he was all that mattered?)

Luo Binghe wanted to reconcile with his own Shen Qingqiu as well. He may have already burned
down that manual and the pendant with his own hands but maybe, just maybe, he could salvage a
good relationship.

But by the time Luo Binghe had returned, he was met with Shen Qingqiu's cold corpse still being
fucked by countless burly demons.

If there was any truth in Luo Binghe's life, it would be that he always loved Shen Qingqiu.

And like every man who's ever loved Shen Jiu,

He was too late.

Like this, it was almost as if Shen Qingqiu was still alive. Sitting on the chair with warm sunlight
behind him, Shen Qingqiu's head was tilted on his shoulders like he was asleep.

Luo Binghe wanted to admire this visage for a little longer.

Ah. . .

Shizun looks really beautiful like this. . .

If he hadn't found out the truth, would he have continued letting those soldiers use Shizun's corpse?
He already knows the answer anyways. Demons like him are not kind.

Luo Binghe, demon emperor and conqueror of the three realms, got onto his knees and grasped at
Shen Qingqiu's robes. His hands were shaking as he held onto white and green silk. His chest feels
like it's closing in and he wants it to stop.

(Suddenly, he's thrown back to the time when he was clutching at his mother's rags and begging
her to wake up.)

"Shizun. . . Shizun," Luo Binghe says.

He clutches harder as his forehead hits Shen Qingqiu's knees. He's crying.

"This disciple knows his wrongs. This disciple learned. Won't Shizun come back now?" Luo
Binghe implores.

But Shen Qingqiu doesn't wake up, doesn't even so much as stir. He remained dead asleep even
with a demon lord begging on his knees.

"If Shizun wakes up, Binghe will promise to treat him better," He begs. "No more torture, no more
pain. Whatever Shizun wants, Shizun will get. Shizun only has to respond."

Then Luo Binghe felt something flutter against his head. And like a foolish child, his heart soared
with hope. He couldn't even bring himself to be mad at Shizun's silence because of how much he
longed for this moment. He instantly lifted his head but what greeted him was not the open eyes of
Shen Qingqiu.

And just like that, the hope in his chest died as soon as it came.

He felt like his throat was choking, like his eyes were too hot and blurry.

Even the wind thought to play a cruel joke on him, making Shizun's hair flutter and leading him to
think that Shizun had awakened.

Of course Shen Qingqiu wouldn't awaken.

But Luo Binghe had still hoped that he would.

"Shizun," Luo Binghe cried as he moved closer, burying his head in Shen Qingqiu's thighs. "Don't
go. . ."

Back then, when Luo Binghe had to still sleep in that wretched wood shed, Shen Qingqiu would
sometimes come in during the night. He never did anything bad like the rumors said, quite the
contrary in fact.

The demon lord was nothing more than a spectator as he watched Shen Qingqiu's memories and as
a spectator, he couldn't interact with anything. After all, these were memories, not dreams.

Shen Qingqiu would pull Luo Binghe's head onto his lap and comb his hair with his fingers the
same way his mother used to. The practiced movements of the Peak Lord's hands implied that this
was not the first time he had done this and that Luo Binghe probably wasn't the first person either.

The demon lord loved watching this. It was his favorite memory, especially when Shen Qingqiu
would cover his tiny youthful body with a large sleeve and then hum.

The song was a beautiful lullaby. He's never heard anything like it before.

Luo Binghe would have liked for things to simply remain that way.

Just the two of them in the wood shed, with his head on Shen Qingqiu's lap and Shen Qingqiu
humming a familiar song.

Shen Qingqiu had not been revived with his memories, Luo Binghe is simultaneously thankful but
also frustrated.

Now, Shen Qingqiu simply acted on muscle memory and second nature. That meant everything
that Luo Binghe had done to him had a profound effect. No, not just him, everyone else too.

Shen Qingqiu hated the touch of men because of Qiu Jianluo. But ever since his revival, Shen
Qingqiu couldn't stand both men and women. Whereas before his death, Shen Qingqiu could at
least rely on women to be a safe haven for him, rely on them to not hurt him the same way men
had, he couldn't trust them either anymore.

Without the memories of those prostitutes from the Warm Red Pavilion, Shen Qingqiu didn't
understand what it meant for a person's touch to not bring pain.

Being in a room with too many people would scare Shen Qingqiu. Not even that, just being in a
room with another person is scary enough for the amnesiac man. He would hold himself and hide
his face behind a veil of hair.

Whereas the ignorant version of him would have laughed and relished in Shen Qingqiu's fear, Luo
Binghe found himself wanting nothing more than for the fear to end. It didn't suit Shen Qingqiu to
look so scared and on the verge of tears. Every time he looked at Shen Qingqiu, he's reminded that
this was the result of his ignorance and misunderstanding.

Luo Binghe remembered with clarity all those versions of him who had their happy endings with
their own Shen Qingqiu. Every version of him had been deeply in love with Shen Qingqiu. But not
every version knew that and when the man died, a part of them did as well. Luo Binghe had been
among the unlucky bunch who didn't know.

Perhaps that's why Luo Binghe couldn't stand to let Shen Qingqiu stay dead once he knew. Being
separated from the man was an unbearable agony.

"Good job, Shizun. You ate very well today," Luo Binghe praised once the meal was over.

Shen Qingqiu did not do anything in response. But he did noticeably flinch when Luo Binghe came
closer to place the dishes back on the tray so he could carry them out. This saddened Luo Binghe
greatly, but he knew that it wasn't unwarranted.

No matter how kind and gentle he was with Shen Qingqiu, it was second nature for Shen Qingqiu
to fear and expect pain from him.

Luo Binghe leaves the plate with the stick of tanghulu on the table. Unlikely, but if Shizun felt like
snacking later, this is for him. So this should stay here just in case. (Even though Luo Binghe
knows that he can leave Shen Qingqiu in the same spot for days on end, he still does this. Maybe,
just maybe, one day Shen Qingqiu would move out of his own volition.)

"Thanking Junshang," Shen Qingqiu mutters.

Shen Qingqiu does not speak much. It would be so easy to confuse him for a mute given how little
he says.

"Shizun only needs to ask and this disciple would do anything he wishes," Luo Binghe reminds
him.

There is no response.

Luo Binghe has many great palaces. Huan Hua Palace and the land around it is where most of his
harem lives. Huan Hua Palace alone isn't enough so many new additions were added in. New
courtyards, audience halls, bedrooms, dining halls, etc. It isn't even Huan Hua Palace anymore.

His harem is a treacherous place for someone as easily bullied as Shen Qingqiu. The more frail and
fragile of his wives are weeded out the quickest unless they have some kind of backing to protect
them. And the only backing Shen Qingqiu had was burned down in a fit of revenge by his lord.

Before Luo Binghe had moved him to his palace in the demon realm, Shen Qingqiu stayed in his
human one. This made him quite an easy target after his revival.

It was mostly Xiao Gongzhu and Sha Hualing who liked to bully him and of course, the occasional
jealous wife who felt scorned from the lack of attention from Luo Binghe and wanted to take it out
on his object of affection.

It only made Shen Qingqiu close further in on himself, fearing everyone who he came across and
hiding whenever he could. This enraged Luo Binghe. But he wasn't mad at his Shizun, never again.
He was mad at all those women who had it harder for Shizun to recover.

What was their worth in comparison to his Shizun?

How dare they make Shen Qingqiu sniffle and cry? They deserved to pay with their lives.

Luo Binghe had moved Shen Qingqiu to the demon realm for his own good. It would be safer
there, even if it would be a realm infested with demons. At least here, no one would try to act smart
and harm his Shizun.

Qiu Haitang's fit of hysteria became more and more common. She learned the truth just as he had
but her coping mechanism came in the form of trying to get Shen Qingqiu to rely on her for
protection. It was a way for her to separate herself from her wretched disgusting brother. But Luo
Binghe is sure that she's only frightening Shen Qingqiu. She had participated quite a lot in his
torture sessions, so a part of Shen Qingqiu must instinctively fear her too.

Liu Mingyan once tried to plunge a sword into her own abdomen when Shen Qingqiu turned away
from her, covering his stomach and chest with his arms. Those had been Liu Mingyan's favorite
places to stab when she still believed that she was exacting righteous vengeance.

Silly girls, Luo Binghe thought in his head. And he's every bit as silly as them.

Even if Shen Qingqiu will never look at him like those other versions of him, he won't let Shen
Qingqiu die. Because at the end of the day, Luo Binghe is just another greedy covetous demon.

Just the thought that Shen Qingqiu may not be with him anymore makes Luo Binghe's skin crawl
with dread.

So even if all he has left is a husk, he'll guard that husk with his very life.

On the rare occasions that Luo Binghe brings Shen Qingqiu to the human realm, he has to be
seated in a separate carriage. His fear of being around both men and women made it rather hard for
any interactions to take place.

Luo Binghe truly does feel like he's at his wits end sometimes. He only seldom appears before
Shen Qingqiu. Too much and the man will go catatonic again. Or maybe he'll fall into another high
fever. The demon doesn't know. (He never did. Not until it was too late.)

"Shizun, we're here," Luo Binghe announced.

It would be much quicker if he had just Xin Mo. But the demonic sword didn't bode well for Shen
Qingqiu and just the mere sight of it is enough to send him screaming and clutching his head.

Luo Binghe still has his duties as demon sovereign and some of them require his presence in the
human realm.

When Luo Binghe moves the curtain aside, he sees Shen Qingqiu huddled in the corner with his
arms wrapped around his legs and his face pressed towards his knees. That seems to be his
Shizun's default position, to just make himself as small as possible.

"Do you need help coming out?" Luo Binghe asked.

Ah. . .

"Shizun doesn't have to answer," He quickly added. "Shizun can move on his own."

It's painfully clear that Shen Qingqiu hates the touch of men and Luo Binghe is a man and the one
who killed Shen Qingqiu in such a way that there are no traces of that man anymore. So why in the
world would Shen Qingqiu ever accept Luo Binghe's help? But at the same time, denying Luo
Binghe anything is the same as asking to be whipped.

When they walk, Shen Qingqiu walks six steps behind. With his head down and disheveled
appearance, he looks more like a prisoner being forced to live a wretched existence.
 Luo Binghe quickly banishes the thought.

He takes a glance behind him and once again, his chest constricts uncomfortably.

He promised to treat Shen Qingqiu well if he woke up, he promised to treat Shen Qingqiu with
nothing but the respect and kindness he deserved. With enough gentle coaxing, maybe Shen
Qingqiu will start to show signs of personality again. That's what Luo Binghe had believed.

"Sit on the chair," Luo Binghe says.

Shen Qingqiu obeyed and held his hands together tightly when he passed by Luo Binghe so he
could so as he was told. His hair trailed behind him and piles around his feet when he sits.

His hair is in his face. . .

Luo Binghe moved closer so he could part Shen Qingqiu's hair. The flinch that he received still
startled him even now and he could tell when Shen Qingqiu's body went incredibly still. But like
this, without all that hair in the way, he could finally see his Shizun's face in all it's clarity. It's still
so startlingly beautiful that he nearly forgets to breathe.

But. . .

Luo Binghe couldn't continue staring anymore and dropped to his knees. He trembled, feeling his
throat clog up and his eyes blur.

But like this, he can also see how much his Shizun fears him.

"Shizun, I. . .I'm really trying my hardest," Luo Binghe says as he presses his forehead against
Shen Qingqiu's knees. "I don't want to hurt you. You can yell at me, hit me, even wish for my
death. Just live again."

This was not the first time he knelt on the floor and begged Shen Qingqiu for a response.

He wanted to walk side by side with Shen Qingqiu, but even that was impossible. Shen Qingqiu
can't live for himself anymore, he only exists for others. He has no will of his own, he's just like a
doll ready to be ordered around. No will of his own, no thoughts of his own, no movement of his
own, how can a person live like that?

But Luo Binghe knows the truth.

Shen Qingqiu had already died a long time ago.

End Notes
 In a way, Shen Jiu did die because everything that made Shen Jiu, Shen Jiu, is now gone.

So what did Luo Binghe discover?

-Why SJ threw the tea

-The manual
-SJ never authorized the bullying, just didn't know
-SJ would pat his head and hum while he's asleep
-Why SJ pushed him into the Abyss
-The abuse SJ suffered
-LQQ's death
-A bunch of shit

I didn't include it, but the demons who raped SJ had hung him by the neck while fucking
him. They all died by LBH's hands later.

Does Shen Jiu ever forgive them?

No, he doesn't even remember his own name, only knows through instincts that everyone
around him has hurt him before.

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