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Partners in Parenting

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Soo Ewe Jin and his wife, Angeline, have each enjoyed fulfilling careers while AB: What did you sacrifice by way of it was needed. Our boys saw firsthand young adults. They both aspire to be good
also taking turns to stay home as full-time parents to their two boys, who are salaries, perks etc? Matt 6:33 working out in practical ways. fathers to their children, and I believe the
baton has been handed over.
EJ: A friend wrote in a recent column in
now in their 20s. This unconventional arrangement – some call it “tag-team The Star, from a financial perspective, AB: Yet, you consider it an investment.
the sacrifices made and opportunity Why? AB: Would you encourage other
parenting” – continues to yield extraordinary returns. Asian Beacon spoke to costs incurred by the stay-home caregiver EJ: To me it was the intangible returns Christian couples to do the same?
can be easily computed in dollars and that mattered. Being there for the boys, EJ: Yes, I would – not just Christian
the couple to find out their thoughts on life, home and parenting. cents. It is a very simple computation being a part of their significant milestones couples, but everyone. But we have to bear
– monthly salary plus benefits plus annual – like getting the basketball into the hoop, in mind that not all of us are predisposed
AB: Some people say that if one parent bonus multiplied by the number of years, cycling without training wheels, receiving to being at home. Sometimes being at
is to stay home, it should be the wife, factoring in inflation and potential their first trophy at school, etc – are things the office may be less stressful. But in my
not the man, who is supposed to be increment. This cost can be significant. that cannot be quantified. Having time to opinion, the bigger issue is for Christian
On top of that, sacrifices in terms of engage in conversations even in their early couples to firmly put the foundations of
the one who works.
lifestyle adjustments, which are almost age paved the way for me to continue to be family foremost in their lives. If we are to
Angeline (AL): That line of thinking
always required when a family with their pair of listening ears, even when they teach our children Christian values, we
is probably based on 1 Timothy 5:8, “If
children changes from dual income to are all grown up. must be able to show them by the way we
anyone does not provide for his relatives,
single income, also have to be taken into live that we are not slaves to the world. My
and especially for his immediate family, he
account. To date, both of us have given up AL: The returns are immeasurable. Ewe years as a homemaker reminds me that we
has denied the faith and is worse than an
16 income-earning years, which translates Jin being at home did something for the are all full-time fathers, whether we quit
unbeliever.” I believe the important point
to quite a bit in terms of savings and what boys that my being at home could never our jobs or otherwise.
is providing for the family, rather than
we will have in the EPF. But it cannot do. For a time, they had with them, on Having experienced being without
who stays at home. With our arrangement,
be compared with the value of what a 24/7 basis, a father figure they could a job, we both found freedom in not
the family was provided for comfortably,
dependency on God means. model their lives after. How many children being chained to the workplace. It is a
no matter which parent was drawing the
Although I had no fixed income, I was have that privilege? They did “boy” things wonderful feeling when even your bosses
salary. And make no mistake about it, the
able to do some freelance work from the together – cycle, fly kites, swim, etc. Those know that they cannot control you with
parent at home definitely works as hard,
comfort of my home. There was plenty years have built up a “memory bank” that perks and privileges or by making you
even much harder, than the one who is
of pro-bono work for charity. Once I serves them well now that the boys are desperate to remain even when it is
employed! Also, we were clear about our
was paid with apples and pears. But God time to go. That is the sort of freedom
roles, and Ewe Jin’s position as head of the
also provided me with a fantastic job that makes our life more complete.
household was never in question, whether
for a charity in Cambodia that paid me
he was in the job market or at home.
more than what I earned in a year in my AL: I would certainly encourage having
Ewe Jin (EJ): Having been a homemaker,
EJ: Well, it was quite a cultural shock at The important point is previous job. one parent at home, whether it is mum or
first, especially at social events when one is dad. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train a child
I can say that it is akin to being a full-time providing for the family, AL: Ewe Jin once said that I am “low in the way he should go, and when he is
invariably asked, “So where do you work?”
worker, minus a fixed salary and the perks
Somehow, I have noticed that people don’t rather than who stays at maintenance”! I don’t enjoy shopping so old he will not turn from it.” Training
and privileges of full-time employment.
One is on call all the time. From the time
usually ask the woman this question, but home (1 Timothy 5:8). The that made it easier for us to adjust our children when they are young is critical.
for the men, it’s automatic. So when I said finances. Making do with one salary was, As parents, we have a good number of
we got married, we had already decided man’s position as head of
I was not employed, I could see the shock for the most part, quite painless. We have years to mould our young children’s
that our income was to be pooled together,
on their faces. But once I got down to the household was never always lived simply anyway. We still had character. But if we squander those years,
so it did not matter whose name appeared
on the salary slip. We also decided that
sharing about my lifestyle, I found that I in question, whether he our holidays, although they were budget are too busy with our careers and leave
became the life of the party as everyone was in the job market ones. The boys did not buy impulsively, the training to maids or babysitters, we
we will both do our part, so even before
was curious to know more. I also found so they would only occasionally ask for may one day find that the children have
I stayed home full-time, I already did
that in my full-time homemaker days, the or at home. items they really wanted, like a PS2 or become rebellious teenagers and we
my share of housework, from washing to
women were my best friends and all the my career while it lasted. But of course, an acoustic guitar. I don’t think they felt have a much tougher job to do. Parents
cleaning up, cooking, etc.
men felt I was putting them under pressure. being a stay-at-home mum is not half as deprived at all. have such an important task – to pass on
unique as having a stay-at-home husband! Not having much of a surplus in their values to the next generation. The
AB: How did you deal with the AL: For me, my years at home were I feel really blessed to have a spouse who is savings meant that we could see God effect of doing this well will ripple out to
comments by those who found your undoubtedly more fulfilling than my years confident enough to go against tradition providing for us in very real terms, such as society as strong families can change the
lifestyle strange? in employment – although I also enjoyed and do what we feel is best for the family. an unexpected cheque arriving just when social fabric altogether.

12 a s i a n b e a c o n a s i a n b e a c o n 13
Bringing
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up years seem to pale into insignificance.


I truly appreciated all the wonderful
Timothy Soo, 20
Looking back on my childhood, I can

UpBoys
connect time I had with them. It was the confidently say that God has richly blessed
building of bonds and the preparation me with a great family, which showers me
to pass on the baton of faith to them. with love, protection, guidance, and builds
Throughout this journey, I can say that it a powerful foundation for my faith. Perhaps
would not be possible without a helpmate one of the biggest gifts I received in my
that supports and truly understands what childhood was my parents’ time.
we set out to do. We were novices, but My father may be the family’s
we learnt together. There were tears as breadwinner today, but he stayed at home
well, but the joy cannot be explained. The for most of my childhood. He is a funny,
spiritual and emotional growth of our Looking back on my jovial man who is always ready to help
children was not left to someone else. We
took full responsibility and were rewarded
childhood, I can others, and he looks to God for leadership,
even today. My brother and I thoroughly
at every critical milestone of their lives. confidently say that God enjoyed the time he spent with us. We spent
has richly blessed me many days simply playing the games that
Ewe Jin and his sons share the lessons they have Kevin Soo, 23 with a great family, which
In September, I will be leaving for showers me with love,
learnt from their time with each other. the United Kingdom to pursue a master’s
degree, and it will be my first time living
protection, guidance,
Soo Ewe Jin father. I could fold nappies faster than away from home. It will be the most and builds a powerful
I have been in the workforce for many mothers. My mother had remarked
30 years. I spent 6 years at home, and I can then that I have physically held my son
difficult experience of my father’s life foundation for my faith.
(perhaps also of my mum, though she
safely say that the best years of my career more in one month than my father ever did seems less affected), which I do not think man, capable of responsible citizenship
are these very years when I was a full-time in his lifetime. So bonding with the two I will fully understand until I have children and headship in a family. In other words,
househusband. When asked to write about boys at that time when I first exited from of my own. it has been to render their roles in my life
this part of my life, I hesitated at first. It the workforce was not all that bad. I am grateful that I have memories obsolete. This is exceptionally hard for
seemed such a long time ago, now that I With so much time on my hands, I of spending significant amounts of time my father, and most of the disagreements
have been back in the workforce for a good basically played with them, read to them with both my father and my mother in between us over the past few years have
10 years. But each time I look at my boys, and talked with them. At that time, Kevin my childhood. Because of this, I benefited been due to my inability to see how hard boys play, swimming or going out for treats.
now 23 and 20, I am reminded that the had just started Standard One so I walked from their different forms of parenting. My it is for him. It is indeed a rare thing that my father would
fruits of our labour are beginning to show. father is a more emotional person, a blend By God’s grace, I have been learning so readily and willingly put aside his career
I remember clearly the day I decided to for our sakes.
I truly appreciated all the to take their constant advice in my stride,
exit from the workforce to be home with not minding too much about their studies. and I find that it becomes not so much My father is truly the agent that God
the two children. I had been working at an wonderful connect time I It was a happy turn of events as I as “instructions”, but godly counsel that I uses mightily in our lives. One would have
environmental organisation, and I felt the had with them. It was the reconnected back to the world. My family treasure. As I grow into the man they want thought that once my father returned fully
tension of the job. I asked God to show me must have heaved a sigh of relief as they to work, his time with us ended. However,
what He wanted me to do. He pointed me
building of bonds and the had been struggling to explain why the man
me to become, I become more keenly
even today, he is still there when we need
aware of my need for family, and the advice
back to my house. I was at the office, and I preparation to pass on the of the house was indeed the man in the of people wiser and more experienced than him; he always makes time for us. Today, my
called Angeline to tell her I was resigning. baton of faith to them. house. But my re-entry into the workforce myself. mother is the one who is usually at home
She gave me her support. did not last long. Barely two years on, I As I step into adulthood, I realise that to advise and guide us. The role that she
Many friends thought I was found myself back at home. It was another what I need most is the affirmation that I, now plays is no less valued, and my mother
crazy to do such a thing. him to school and was the time when I heard God telling me, in no of passion and wisdom, and I can recognise as an individual, have earned my place in has proven equal to the task of seeing me
Some wondered whether I guardian to many of his friends. uncertain terms, that my job was turning his continuing influence over me today. My this world. I need to know that they believe through my teenage years.
had a lot of money stashed Tim was just the right age to be me into someone He was not pleased with. mother operates primarily on a cognitive in me enough, and trust God enough to I am often reminded of my father’s
up somewhere. But no, it fussed over without a care in I admit that I had reentered the workforce level, thinking through all her decisions release me into the world. sharing during long drives from one
was just a simple belief that the world. with a passion, and suddenly my job was all with care and precision. I have inherited My plea to all parents is that, when destination to another. He told me that
our God will truly provide. Three years on, I went that mattered to me. this, and I still enjoy conversing with her the time comes, they trust God enough to parents who spent all their time at work
So my first journey into back to the workforce and my So began a second phase at home. to this day because of this similarity in the release us to earn our places in the world could order all manner of gifts for their
full-time parenthood began. wife came home. She jokingly The boys were much bigger now, and way we think. and find our places within God’s plan. If children, but he would rather be a father
It was not all that difficult remarked that she had to come the interaction was different. I now had I have spent 23 years under the direct they have done it right, it will not be the who had the time to take his children
because from the time my back to “repair” the damage teenagers with me. But because I also authority of my parents. Over this period, last they see of us. We may return different, shopping himself. Perhaps that perfectly
eldest son, Kevin, was born, I had done in bringing up the had time, the usual angst and frustration they have tried to pass on the baton of faith boys as men and girls as women, but still sums up my childhood and why I treasure
I had been a very involved boys. Yes, I pleaded guilty to associated with this part of their growing- to me and to mould me into an independent needing the love of our parents. it.

14 a s i a n b e a c o n a s i a n b e a c o n 15

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