Morning After Grace

__________________________

A full-length play

By Carey Crim

CareyCrim.com
CareyCrim@gmail.com
Contact: Mark Orsini
Morsini@bretadamsltd.net
212-765-5630 Ext. 101
CHARACTERS:

Angus: Male. Caucasian. 70.

Retired lawyer.

Abigail: Female. Any ethnicity.

62. Therapist.

Ollie: Male. African American.

68. Former major league baseball
player.
 2.

SETTING: A RETIREMENT COMMUNITY ON FLORIDA’S SUNCOAST.

The sun comes up on a well-

appointed home in a retirement
village. There is a beautiful
modern kitchen that opens into a
bright airy living room.

Angus (70) and Abigail (63) are

passed out on a couch under a
blanket. There is a mostly empty
bottle of vodka, an empty bottle
of wine and two glasses on the
floor. After a few moments, Angus
rolls over and begins to snore,
rather loudly, waking Abigail
with a start. She sees Angus next
to her. A surprise. She looks
under the covers and realizes
they are both naked. Another
surprise. She carefully pulls the
blanket around herself, giving it
a good tug to get it free of
Angus. He stirs but doesn't wake.
She begins looking for her
clothes. They are nowhere to be
found. A cell phone rings. She
dives for her purse and answers
it.

ABIGAIL
(Whispering)
Hi, Vera. (Beat.) Right now? Isn’t there anyone else who
could do it? Well is your key still under the red rock? It's
just that I'm not home now. I met someone yesterday. Yes.
But... I can't find my clothes. I can't find them anywhere. I
think we might have gone skinny dipping and then... The pool?
Yes! That has to be it! Thank you, Vera! Oh wait. I can't go
out there like this. Stay with me while I see if there's a
robe or something in his closet.
(She glances at the still
sleeping Angus.)
He's very handsome when he sleeps. I'm not texting you a
picture. Because my phone is almost dead and that's creepy.
Because he's sleeping and I don't even know his last name.
 3.

Oh my gosh, I don't even know his last name. I'm such a slut.
I know! Isn't it great?

Abigail opens the hall closet

door. The closet is full of
women’s clothes just back from
the dry cleaners.

ABIGAIL (CONT’D)
Vera? I'm going to have to call you back.

Abigail looks through the dresses

and skirts and then back to
Angus. She hobbles over to the
window, still wrapped in the
blanket. She trips over it and
falls. Angus is still out. She
gets up and looks out the window
towards the pool.

ABIGAIL (CONT’D)
Fudge-nuggets.

She returns to the closet and

puts on one of the dresses. Then,
she goes outside to retrieve her
own clothes. The door slams as
she leaves. Angus wakes up. He
slowly gets his bearings, rubbing
his aching head. He goes to the
bathroom, pees and comes out
wearing a robe. Abigail enters,
still wearing the dress she
borrowed. She is carrying her own
clothes. They stare at each
other. Angus sits up. He marks
her outfit but doesn't say
anything.

ABIGAIL (CONT’D)
Are you a cross-dresser?

ANGUS
What?

ABIGAIL
A cross-dresser?

ANGUS
Uh...no?
 4.

ABIGAIL
See, I was hoping you were because that I could work with. I
have four sisters so I'm actually completely cool sharing
clothes.

ANGUS
What are you talking about?

ABIGAIL
I'm talking about... if you are not a cross-dresser... then
those clothes in your closet, this very dress I'm wearing in
fact... must belong to your wife.

ANGUS
Oh.

ABIGAIL
Yes. Oh.

ANGUS
I'm not a cross-dresser.

ABIGAIL
Then I should change. Your wife has very good taste. It's a
shame to cheat on someone with such good taste. Where is she?
Away on business? Visiting the grand-kids?

ANGUS
Look, I-

ABIGAIL
(She shushes him)
Tssss!

ANGUS
Did you really just-

ABIGAIL
I have to go. I have to let Pirate out before he pees all
over my friend's brand new Persian rugs.

ANGUS
Pirate is a dog?

ABIGAIL
Her husband. Major incontinence. Very sad.

ANGUS
Wow. Sorry.

ABIGAIL
Of course it's her dog. What's wrong with you?
 5.

ANGUS
Well I'm pretty hung-over for starters. Why do you have to
let her dog out?

ABIGAIL
It's a new puppy. It's been alone all night.

ANGUS
She left a new puppy alone all night?

ABIGAIL
She was out.

ANGUS
And she knew you would just rush right over.

ABIGAIL
She’s a friend.

ANGUS
How many times have you helped out this particular friend?

ABIGAIL
A few. A lot. What does that have to do with anything?

ANGUS
You're too nice. People take advantage of that.

ABIGAIL
How do you know?

ANGUS
Because I am not too nice. And I take advantage of people
like you all the time.
(He reaches for a bottle of
pills and offers her one.)
Motrin?

He gets a glass of water. She

looks at the bottle of pills.

ABIGAIL
This is Vicodin.

ANGUS
Oops.

ABIGAIL
Your wife's from the look of it, you pill popping, adulterous
son of a- a biscuit-eater. Did you just laugh at me?

ANGUS
No. No. Because... biscuit eater. That's pretty heavy stuff.
 6.

Angus puts on his reading glasses

and searches for the correct
bottle of pills.

ABIGAIL
Swearing is simple-minded and self-centered. Not to mention,
lazy.

ANGUS
Works for me. Ah, the Motrin.

He swallows a few then hands them

to her.

ABIGAIL
I don't take drugs unless I absolutely have to.

ANGUS
First of all, Gabby Girlscout, it's ibuprofen, not crack-

ABIGAIL
Where’s my phone? I need to get a car.

ANGUS
Why?

ABIGAIL
I left mine parked at the funeral home.

ANGUS
Right. Here.

He hands her a phone book.

ABIGAIL
What’s that?

ANGUS
A phone book.

ABIGAIL
Why do you have that?

ANGUS
Uh, to look up phone numbers?

ABIGAIL
It’s uber. It’s an app.

ANGUS
Sure. That’s fine for now. But when some hacker or solar
flare takes out the entire internet, I, for one, will be very
glad I have a phone book. It also makes a good step-stool.
For when one starts to shrink.
 7.

ABIGAIL
You know there are exercises you can do to prevent that.

Abigail finds her phone.

ANGUS
Don’t need to. I have my phone book.

ABIGAIL
(Abigail checks her phone)
Completely dead. Do you have a charger?

ANGUS
Sure.

He unplugs his phone and gives

her the charger.

ABIGAIL
Wow, is that a flip phone? I didn’t even know they still made
those. What does it do?

ANGUS
It makes phone calls and even sends text messages.

She tries to plug in her phone

with it. It doesn’t fit.

ABIGAIL
Yeah, this isn’t going to work. I’ll have to call a cab. Do
you have a number?

ANGUS
My phone book is looking pretty good right about now, isn’t
it?

She holds out her hand. He gives

her the phone book. While
searching, they touch
accidentally.

ABIGAIL
Do you have any cayenne pepper?

ANGUS
Why?

ABIGAIL
(On Angus’s phone.)
Hi, yes. I need a cab.
(To Angus)
What's your address?
 8.

ANGUS
15 North View Drive.

ABIGAIL
15 North View Drive. Could you make it a little sooner than
that? I'm afraid his wife might come home. Thank you.

She hangs up.

ANGUS
Why do you need cayenne pepper?

ABIGAIL
The cab is going to be at least twenty minutes and my head is
killing me. I need the pepper and some hot water. (Beat.)
What?

ANGUS
Do you think you could take my wife's dress off now?

Abigail looks down and realizes

she is still wearing the dress.

ABIGAIL
Yes. Don't look.

ANGUS
I wasn't.

She starts to change clothes.

ABIGAIL
Well... good. (Beat.) Why not?

ANGUS
Why not what?

ABIGAIL
Why aren’t you looking?

ANGUS
Are you serious?

ABIGAIL
Do a pair of breasts over the age of 35 disgust you?

ANGUS
No.

ABIGAIL
Or is it because one is slightly larger than the other?

ANGUS
What are you talking about?
 9.

ABIGAIL
It's not that uncommon you know. Don't tell me you didn't
notice.

ANGUS
You said cayenne pepper, right?

ABIGAIL
Right.

Angus looks for the pepper. He

finds it and gets some hot water
from the sink. He also grabs a
spoon.

ANGUS
You sure you don't want an aspirin or anything?

ABIGAIL
This will be better.

ANGUS
Hm.
(He looks down at her drink.)
May I?

She shrugs. He takes the drink

and tastes it. It's not good.

ANGUS (CONT’D)
Blechhh.

He hands it back to her. He

exits to the bathroom and gargles
some mouthwash.

ABIGAIL
It's not that bad.

ANGUS (O.S.)
(Gargling. From the bathroom.)
How did you know her?

ABIGAIL
What?

Angus spits the mouthwash out.

ANGUS (O.S.)
I've never been hit on at a funeral before. I'm just
wondering how you knew-

ABIGAIL
First of all, you hit on me.
 10.

ANGUS (O.S)
Did I?

ABIGAIL
Yes!

ANGUS (O.S)
Okay, well different people, different perspectives.

ABIGAIL
It's not perspective. You hit on me. And you weren't wearing
a ring.

ANGUS (O.S)
No, that's true.

ABIGAIL
So, even if I had hit on you, which I did not. You weren't
wearing a ring.

ANGUS (O.S)
Fair enough.

ABIGAIL
I mean, I may have flirted. I may have seen you sneaking off
outside and thought you were maybe a little bit handsome and
then you offered me that drink and I thought who is this man,
sneaking sips from a flask like at a high school dance
instead of a funeral. But then-

Angus enters. He is dressed.

ANGUS
Little bit handsome? You were late.

ABIGAIL
I don't like funerals.

ANGUS
I love them.

ABIGAIL
You love funerals?

ANGUS
Come on, at our age, funerals are better than singles bars.

ABIGAIL
Gross.

ANGUS
Joke.
 11.

ABIGAIL
Ha.

ANGUS
So really, how did you know her?

ABIGAIL
What do you mean, at our age? How old do you think I am?

ANGUS
Oh no no no. I know better than to step into that.

ABIGAIL
Why not? You're never going to see me again. You're flippin-
frickin’ married, remember? Now how old?

ANGUS
Well, it's not exactly like counting rings on a tree, is it?

ABIGAIL
No.

ANGUS
Though, come to think of it, it's not really that different.
Instead of rings you count wrinkles and scars... stretch
marks.

ABIGAIL
You can stop now.

ANGUS
But I was drunk. The lights were off. Even in the pool it was
pretty dark. I have no idea.

ABIGAIL
Coward.

ANGUS
Fifty-nine.

ABIGAIL
Fifty-nine?

ANGUS
Fifty-eight. Fifty-seven. Tops!

ABIGAIL
Fifty-nine means you really think sixty-six.

ANGUS
What?
 12.

ABIGAIL
Everyone knows when someone asks you how old they think you
are, you take the age that you think they really are and then
subtract seven. So I look sixty-six to you?!?

ANGUS
No! This isn't fair. I didn't know the rules! I told you I
didn't want to answer the question!

ABIGAIL
How old are you?

ANGUS
Just turned seventy.

ABIGAIL
It's so easy for men.

ANGUS
No. It's not. But don't tell me women don't make it harder on
each other because you do. I mean, here you are, a woman of a
certain age-

ABIGAIL
I truly hate that term.

ANGUS
A woman of an indeterminate age. Who, most likely, more than
earned every line, wrinkle, scar and stretch mark. And yet,
here she is, afraid to tell a man who has already seen her
naked, and clearly liked what he saw, by the way, her age. So
forgive me, but you all do it to yourselves.

ABIGAIL
I thought you said it was too dark to see anything.

ANGUS
I lied.

ABIGAIL
We put a lot of pressure on ourselves, I’ll give you that.
But I think we’ve had more than a little help from your camp
over the years. Come back to me when we’ve had at least five
women in the white house or make up the majority of the
Supreme court and then we can talk about what “we women” do
to ourselves. I'm sixty-two.

ANGUS
What?

ABIGAIL
Sixty-three in two months.
 13.

ANGUS
Then what the hell was so wrong with thinking fifty-nine?

ABIGAIL
Because when I look in the mirror, I still expect to see a
thirty-five year old woman looking back.

ANGUS
Me too. Well, not the woman part. But every time I pass my
reflection I think, who the hell is that old guy? But for me
it's more like forty-three. I'm forever stuck at forty-three.

They share a moment.

ABIGAIL
That cab should be here by now. I’ll wait outside.

ANGUS
Wait. Last night was- Last night wasn't bad at all. Was it?

ABIGAIL
No.

ANGUS
You weren't faking or anything. Were you?

ABIGAIL
No.

ANGUS
No you weren't faking it or no it wasn't very good?

ABIGAIL
The former.

ANGUS
Good. Wait, the former was the-

ABIGAIL
Oh my Guadalupe no, I wasn't faking it. Do you guys never
outgrow your paranoia about that?

ANGUS
Apparently not. But then we're not the ones faking it all the
time.

ABIGAIL
It's not all the time.

ANGUS
But it happens.

ABIGAIL
Of course it happens.
 14.

ANGUS
Why? Why do you all lie?

ABIGAIL
Wow.

ANGUS
Doesn't it just interfere with your own... good time?

ABIGAIL
Not always.

ANGUS
So tell me.

ABIGAIL
Maybe I don't want to stand here and talk about my orgasms
with you.

ANGUS
Why not? You had one with me. Or at least you said you did.
If we can't talk about it how can we be sure you'll have
another one?

ABIGAIL
I won't.

ANGUS
Well that’s just sad.

ABIGAIL
I meant with you!

ANGUS
Then you may as well tell me. I’m a lawyer. Used to be. I
don't give up until you answer.

ABIGAIL
What kind of lawyer? Divorce? Personal Injury? Have I seen
your photo on a bus somewhere?

ANGUS
No. Now tell me. Please. I truly want to understand.

ABIGAIL
It's just easier sometimes. Instead of having to deal with
your precious egos. And, quite frankly, that little blue pill
you all tout so much can make things last way longer than
they're meant to so, sometimes, we just want the actual part
part to end. The whole experience can go on for hours. We
like that. The foreplay and the after-play, that's all great.
But when it's time for a smoke, it's time for a smoke, you
know? I don’t actually smoke but- Yes, sometimes we lie. To
move things along.
 15.

ANGUS
But not last night?

ABIGAIL
No. At least one of us was truthful last night.
And for the record, it was- It's been a long time since I've
done anything even remotely like that with an actual person
so-

ANGUS
How long? Wait, what do you mean with an actual person? Are
we talking battery powered here?

ABIGAIL
That’s so not the point!

ANGUS
Then what is?

ABIGAIL
The point is, as clumsy and drunk as we were, I felt- I don't
know what- but I hadn't felt it in a very long time. It woke
something up in me. Something that, now, I’m really hoping
will go back to sleep. Because then, I had to go and open up
your closet. So don't you dare sit there and-

ANGUS
Why were you so late to the funeral?

ABIGAIL
Why the fudge do you care so much?

ANGUS
You fake swear a lot. You fake swear more than I swear swear.

ABIGAIL
I got my days mixed up. I had three funerals last month alone
and I must've gotten used to going on Fridays and then when I
got there, I realized-

ANGUS
You got your days mixed up.

ABIGAIL
Yes.

ANGUS
So you decided to stay? At the funeral of a woman you'd never
met?

ABIGAIL
Yes. Once I was sitting there, it felt awkward to leave. Like
it was a bad funeral or something.
 16.

ANGUS
Okay.

ABIGAIL
How did you know her?

ANGUS
Her name was Grace Colaff.

ABIGAIL
Colaff? See, that's weird because I'm pretty sure Grace
Colaff was the name on that bottle of Vicodin.

Abigail goes for the bottle.

ANGUS
They were leftover from when she had kidney stones.

ABIGAIL
You picked me up at your wife's funeral?

ANGUS
I still think you picked me up but-

ABIGAIL
What's wrong with you? How did she die? Was it a prolonged
illness? Something you've been grieving for a long time
already and that's the reason you were able to move on so
quickly?

ANGUS
She drowned.

ABIGAIL
Where? In your pool? That pool we went skinny dipping in last
night? That pool where we had-

The doorbell rings.

ANGUS
That must be your cab.

ABIGAIL
Where are you going? I think you owe me an explanation!

ANGUS
At least I'm not married.

Angus answers the front door.

It's Ollie, 68. He is on a quad
cane but is otherwise very
robust.
 17.

OLLIE
Hi, Angus.

ANGUS
Uh, hi?

OLLIE
Oliver. Ollie. Ollie Ford.

ANGUS
Thought you were the cab.

OLLIE
No.

Abigail dives behind the counter

before Ollie sees her.

ANGUS
Ollie Ford. Didn't you used to play for the Tigers? I heard
you bought a place in here.

OLLIE
It was a lifetime ago but, yeah, I played for Detroit. Been
living here about eighteen months now.

ANGUS
Is that right?

OLLIE
Still trying to get used to this whole retirement community
thing. Sure they call it active living but did you know they
will come over just to change a light bulb for you? They will
come to your house and change a god-damn light bulb.

ANGUS
I still change my own.

OLLIE
Me too. Of course I'm still capable of changing a light bulb.
I'm not frail.
(He lifts up his cane)
As soon as my hip heals, I'm throwing this thing in the Gulf.
I'm so sorry about Grace.

Abigail sneaks out to get her

purse then hides again. Angus
sees her but Ollie does not.

ANGUS
Oh.
 18.

OLLIE
I wanted to say something yesterday but I couldn't find you
anywhere after the service.

ANGUS
Yeah, I was uh...I was- Didn't see you there, sorry.

OLLIE
Nothing to be sorry for. I just wanted to come by to say she
was such an incredible person. What a bright light. I know it
must be a really devastating loss.

ANGUS
I'm sorry, how did you know my wife?

OLLIE
What do you mean?

ANGUS
I didn't know you two were acquainted.

OLLIE
That's funny. It's good that you can still be funny.

ANGUS
I'm not.

OLLIE
You're seriously saying she never mentioned me?

ANGUS
No. Nope. No she did not.

OLLIE
Well... this is awkward. We met at the gym. She had her
treadmill going really fast. Steep incline. And she got
distracted by something on her phone. I think she said it was
one of those cat videos where the cat’s been taught to use
the toilet? Tried that with my cat, no can do. Anyway, Grace
fell completely off the treadmill and landed on me. I was
doing dead lifts so we both toppled right over. Couldn't stop
laughing. Then we just got to talking. And we really hit it
off. Well, you know how easy she was to talk to, of course.

ANGUS
Of course.

OLLIE
I can't believe she didn't tell you.

ANGUS
Well maybe if it was just that one day-
 19.

OLLIE
No. We had lunch at least once a week. Or coffee. Over by the
pond. And I'd almost always see her at sunrise yoga. She had
the best plow pose in the group. This was all before my damn
hip of course but... You're sure she never mentioned me?

ANGUS
Ollie.

OLLIE
Yes.

ANGUS
Oliver.

OLLIE
Yes.

ANGUS
Starts with an O.

OLLIE
Right.

ANGUS
That's what I thought, Oliver.

OLLIE
Hey man, are you okay?

ANGUS
No. No, I'm not.

Angus punches Ollie in the face.

Ollie loses his balance with the
cane and falls over. Angus jumps
on top of him to continue hitting
him but the initial punch hurt
Angus's hand as much as Ollie's
face and they both groan with
pain. Abigail rushes over to
break them up.

OLLIE
You hit me!

ANGUS
You bit me!

ABIGAIL
What the devil is going on out here?

OLLIE
Abigail?
 20.

ABIGAIL
Ollie?

Abigail tries to pull Angus off

of Ollie.

OLLIE
What are you doing here? Get away from him. He's a crazy
person.

ABIGAIL
What is wrong with you!?!

ANGUS
He slept with my wife!

OLLIE AND ABIGAIL

What?!

ANGUS
Right under my nose this whole time you son of a-

OLLIE
I didn't sleep with Grace!

ANGUS
You just admitted it!

OLLIE
I did not!

ANGUS
Come on! All those lunches and coffees! How many downward
dogs did you share at Sunrise yoga, huh?! Forward bends?
Plow pose? You think I don't know a damned euphemism when I
hear it!

OLLIE
We were friends, that's all.

ANGUS
Then why didn't she tell me about you?

OLLIE
You'd have to ask her.

ANGUS
I'd love to! You have a Ouija board hidden in that walker?
We'll summon her right up.

OLLIE
It’s a cane!
 21.

ABIGAIL
Angus. I’ve known Ollie a long time. He didn't sleep with
your wife. He wouldn't.

ANGUS
Yeah well, I thought I knew my wife too, didn't I?
(Angus gets a cell phone and
hands it to Ollie.)
Are you going to tell me these aren't from you? This is her
cell phone. These are from Foxtrot 313. 313 that's a Detroit
area code, right? And he signed them simply: All my love, O.
O for Ollie. Oliver. She didn't even bother to erase them or
put in a password. She knew I would never look at her phone.
I didn't know there was something to look for. I was just
reading old text messages. Looking for ones from me. Looking
for the last time I texted I love you. But I found these
instead. It was fifty-one days ago, by the way. The last time
I texted it. It was eight days for you. Eight days ago, he
texted I love you to my wife! You win.

OLLIE
Those aren't from me.

ANGUS
Sure.

ABIGAIL
It's not him, Angus.

ANGUS
How do you know?

ABIGAIL
I just do. When did you find out about your wife's
indiscretion?

ANGUS
It wasn't a goddamned indiscretion. According to the these,
it was going on for over a year. Started right about the time
old Ollie here moved in!

ABIGAIL
Okay. But when did you find out?

ANGUS
The police brought her phone over right before the funeral.
Along with her wallet and clothes.

ABIGAIL
Just yesterday?

ANGUS
So?
 22.

OLLIE
I didn't sleep with your wife. I liked Grace. A lot. But I
didn't sleep with her.

ANGUS
I don't believe you.

OLLIE
Angus, I'm in a relationship. A very committed relationship.

ANGUS
Grace was married! Didn't stop her.

OLLIE
I'm in a relationship with a man. I’m gay.

ANGUS
What?

OLLIE
I’m gay.

ANGUS
No you're not.

ABIGAIL
Yes he is.

OLLIE
Been together twenty-five years now.

ANGUS
You were a Detroit Tiger.

OLLIE
Yes.

ANGUS
A major league baseball player.

OLLIE
We didn't go all Michael Sam back then. We couldn't. We kept
it quiet. But trust me, we were there. We were everywhere.

ANGUS
Who else?

OLLIE
I don’t know man and even if I did, I wouldn’t tell you.

ABIGAIL
Are you and James going to get married now?
 23.

OLLIE
For all intents and purposes, we are married.

ABIGAIL
I just meant, you know, officially. Now that you can.

OLLIE
I don't know.

ABIGAIL
You should.

OLLIE
Things are a little complicated right now.

ABIGAIL
Talk to me. What's going on?

OLLIE
Well, it’s-

ANGUS
Hello? Can we get back to-

OLLIE
Yes. The only reason I told you was because I needed you to
know that I wasn't sleeping with your wife.

Beat. Angus laughs.

OLLIE
What's so funny?

ANGUS
Nothing. It's just... When you say you bat for the other
team.... as a baseball player... that's just...
(He looks to both of them.
They are not laughing.)
Come on that's funny.

ABIGAIL
(To Ollie)
Oh cripes, your nose is bleeding. Where are your cotton
balls?

ANGUS
I don't know. Grace would know.

ABIGAIL
Take this until I can find something better.

Abigail hands Ollie some Kleenex,

then goes into the bathroom.
 24.

ANGUS
I'm sorry about your nose.

OLLIE
Thanks.

ANGUS
But I don't get it. If you weren't having an affair with
Grace... Why are you here? And how do you know Abigail?

OLLIE
Your wife was very kind to me when Petey died.

ANGUS
Petey was your partner? I’m sorry, I didn't realize he had
passed.

OLLIE
No, no no. That's James. Petey was my cat. And Grace was
really good to me when he died. She understood how
devastating the loss of a pet can be. She told me about
Baxter.

ANGUS
She did?

OLLIE
Yes.

ANGUS
He was an okay dog. I never really liked pets all that much
but he was more like a person. Except for the drool. My god
could that dog drool. He slept in our bed. Took up the whole
thing. When he got arthritis so badly in his back legs that
he couldn’t jump up, I thought, finally, I can have my pillow
back, you know? Get him a comfy cushion on the floor. Nope.
Grace ran right out and bought him a ramp. Led right up to
the bed. That mutt slept with his ass this far from my face
until the day he died. Stupid animal.

OLLIE
Grace told me you bought the ramp.

ANGUS
I don’t know what you’re talking about.

OLLIE
Okay. Well, anyway, she was kind to me. And the best way I
know how to honor that kindness is to be here for you in your
time of need. The hardest times for me with Petey, were the
days after the funeral when-

ANGUS
You had a funeral for a cat?
 25.

OLLIE
A small gathering. Shut up. That cat was 18 years old and a
better friend to me than most people. So I'm very glad to see
you’re already taking steps to take care of yourself. Working
with Abigail is a great start.

ANGUS
What do you mean?

OLLIE
You don't have to be shy about it. I know what she is.

ANGUS
What is she?

OLLIE
Fine. Be coy. But it's good you're seeing her. It took me
months to work up the courage. Do you mind if I ask? How much
did she charge you?

ANGUS
Charge me? Hang on. Are you telling me that Abigail is a- a -
a professional?

OLLIE
One of the best.

ANGUS
How would you know?

OLLIE
Because I've done exactly what you just did with her. Well
maybe not exactly but-

ANGUS
You just told me you were gay. You stood there and told me-

OLLIE
Well obviously I had certain needs that weren't being met at
home.

ANGUS
I don't even know what to say to that.

OLLIE
There's nothing to be ashamed of.

ANGUS
Yes there is! I don't pay for that. Even when I was in the
service I didn't pay for that!
 26.

OLLIE
Calm down. I only asked how much she charged because she
takes most forms of insurance. Some of them don't, but she
does.

ANGUS
She takes insurance?

OLLIE
Could save you a lot of money down the road. Depending on how
often you two are going to see each other.

ANGUS
How does that possibly work?

OLLIE
I don't know. It all has to do with how they code it, doesn't
it?

ANGUS
Code it? Isn't that insurance fraud?

OLLIE
I don't think so.

ANGUS
It has to be! How the hell does she get away with billing for
that when I can't even get Medicare to cover my cheap Costco
reading glasses?!

Abigail enters with cotton balls.

ABIGAIL
They were stuffed way in the back of your cabinet. I moved
them. They’re next to the Preparation H now.

ANGUS
That’s not mine.

ABIGAIL
(She hands the cotton balls to Ollie.)
Lean slightly forward and pinch your nose.

Ollie pinches his nose shut.

OLLIE
How is it insurance fraud?

ABIGAIL
What's insurance fraud?

ANGUS
Nothing.
 27.

OLLIE
He's just embarrassed.

ANGUS
I'm not.

Ollie’s phone rings.

OLLIE
Good. You shouldn't be. Everyone needs a little extra help
sometimes.

OLLIE
Hi.

Ollie walks away for some

privacy.

ANGUS
Not everyone needs to pay for it. It was revenge sex anyway.

ABIGAIL
What was?

ANGUS
You were.

ABIGAIL
Wow.

OLLIE
Listen.

ABIGAIL
Jerk.

ANGUS
I am? I'm the jerk?

ABIGAIL
I figured it was something like that.

OLLIE
Oh come on!

ABIGAIL
Not last night. Last night I thought it was- But once I
realized...

OLLIE
James!
 28.

ABIGAIL
About your wife... of course it was... but to come right out
and say it like that. That's cold.

OLLIE
Wait! I am listening I- Hello? Damn it.

Ollie hangs up and rejoins the

conversation.

ANGUS
(Overlapping Ollie)
Who took advantage of who here!? You get paid for sex! What's
colder than that?

ABIGAIL AND OLLIE

WHAT?!?

OLLIE
You're a prostitute?

ABIGAIL
No!

ANGUS
He just said-

ABIGAIL
You said I was a prostitute?!

OLLIE
No! Who's talking about prostitution?

ANGUS
You are!

OLLIE
I don't think so.

ANGUS
Then what the hell are we talking about?

OLLIE
Grief counseling.

ANGUS
What?

OLLIE
Abigail.

ANGUS
You're a grief counselor?
 29.

ABIGAIL
Yes. But I don't get paid nearly enough for that kind of
happy ending!

OLLIE
But if you're not seeing Abigail for counseling, how do you
two know each other?

ABIGAIL
We- he- It's a long story.

OLLIE
I don’t have anyplace to be. Spill it.

ABIGAIL
There’s nothing to spill. Why don’t you have any place to be?
Was that James on the phone? Why are you fighting?

OLLIE
No. They're just... fumigating my place today. You might call
them Palmetto bugs down here but I'm from Queens and I know a
giant cockroach when I see one. So come on. Talk.

ABIGAIL
We just... met.

OLLIE
When?

ABIGAIL
Yesterday. At the funeral.

OLLIE
You knew Grace?

ABIGAIL
No.

OLLIE
But you were at her funeral?

ABIGAIL
Yes.

OLLIE
Doing what? Selling Mary Kay? I don't get it.

ABIGAIL
I was just there.

OLLIE
And then you came over here this morning?
 30.

ABIGAIL
Yeah, not exactly.

Angus starts to laugh. It starts

out small then grows and grows.

ANGUS
Excuse me for just a- excuse me.

He exits to the bedroom.

OLLIE
Do you think he's okay?
(Calling)
You okay Angus?

ANGUS (O.S)
(Calling back)
Peachy!

OLLIE
(To Abigail)
Now for the love of all that’s holy, tell me how you met!
Because I know you didn’t go to a funeral looking for a human
right’s lawyer.

ABIGAIL
Who’s a human rights lawyer?

OLLIE
Angus.

ABIGAIL
Him?

OLLIE
A big one. Apparently he did all kinds of pro-bono work with
indigenous people in Chile or Guatemala or maybe it was
Canada. I can’t remember. Now spill!

ABIGAIL
I can’t. This is... I can’t.

Angus starts giggling in the

other room again.

OLLIE
Why are you acting so squirrely?

ABIGAIL
I'm not.
 31.

OLLIE
You are. You both are. The two of you are acting like
teenagers who have just- who have just- oh my god. You
didn't. Did you? You did!

ABIGAIL
I can't discuss this with a patient.

OLLIE
Former patient. And I saw you, what, like five times? Come
on. I'll find out eventually, you know I will. I’m tenacious.

Beat.

ABIGAIL
We did.

OLLIE
Abigail! The man just lost his wife!

ABIGAIL
I didn't know that at the time. By the time I met him, he was
pretty tipsy already and sneaking out the back door of the
funeral home.

OLLIE
And you thought, hey, there's a guy I'd like to sleep with.

ABIGAIL
I wasn't in the best state of mind myself.

OLLIE
Why not?

ABIGAIL
Because yesterday was the- I really don’t want to talk about
that right now.

OLLIE
Well, then I don't know what to say. I'm flummoxed.

Abigail grabs Angus’s flip phone

from where he left it and makes a
call.

ABIGAIL
Yes, I've been waiting for a cab. 15 North View Drive. I
called about a half hour ago. Would you check for me? Thank
you.

She's on hold.

OLLIE
I don't think we should leave him like this.
 32.

ABIGAIL
You stay then.

OLLIE
Isn't it your professional duty to help?

ABIGAIL
What do you want me to do, Ollie? He said I was a revenge f-
encounter. So forgive me for wanting to be elsewhere right
now.

OLLIE
I'm sure the man is in all kinds of pain.

ABIGAIL
I don't doubt that. But I'm pretty sure I've done my part.
And now, any professional help I could give him, has been
obviously compromised by the fact that we... we...

Ollie does a little sexy dance

with his cane.

OLLIE
Boinked? Did the forbidden polka? The four-legged foxtrot?
The Frickle Frackle?

ABIGAIL
Stop.
(Back on her phone)
What do you mean he left? He left? No! He didn’t even call or
buzz or- You need to get him back here.

OLLIE
I can drive you home.
(Ollie grabs the phone.)
We won't be needing that cab after all. Thank you.

He hangs up.

ABIGAIL
What about your hip?

OLLIE
Oops.

ABIGAIL
This is not funny!

Angus begins throwing shoes and

clothes out of the bedroom. The
shoes land loudly in the kitchen.

ABIGAIL AND OLLIE

Angus?
 33.

Angus pushes past them and gets

some garbage bags. He begins
stuffing Grace’s things into the
bag.

OLLIE
You okay?

ANGUS
Muy excellente.

OLLIE
What are you doing?

ANGUS
Moving on.

OLLIE
Are you sure you want to go through all of that today?

ABIGAIL
Maybe you should take some time to-

ANGUS
I don't need time. I need garbage bags.

ABIGAIL
Angus.

ANGUS
Don't be nice to me. I was horrible to you a few minutes ago
and if you're nice to me I'll know it's just because you pity
me so- Don't be nice to me.

ABIGAIL
Well you did think I was a prostitute.

ANGUS
Doesn't matter. What I said still holds true. It was revenge.
I'm not saying I didn't enjoy it but that's what it was. All
it was.

ABIGAIL
I'm pretty clear on that, yes.

ANGUS
So you can go now.

ABIGAIL
Believe me, I am trying.

OLLIE
My fault. I cancelled her cab.
 34.

ANGUS
You can go too Tweedle Dee. Time to get back to Tweedle Dum.

OLLIE
Excuse me?

ANGUS
The last thing I need right now is to be stalked by a former
gay tiger.

OLLIE
You're not my type, sweetheart. And I'm really more of a bear
than a tiger.

ANGUS
What are you talking about? You didn’t play football.

ABIGAIL
No, Angus a bear is slang for-

OLLIE
Never mind.

ANGUS
Just go. Okay? You were friends with my wife. Not me. You
don't owe me anything. All I want right now is to be left
alone.

OLLIE
But-

ANGUS
I'm truly fine.

OLLIE
I don't know how that's possible.

ANGUS
Look, Ollie, we don't all sit shiva for our stupid cats,
okay?

OLLIE
Wow.

ABIGAIL
Angus.

ANGUS
She died. Then I found out my marriage of 44 years was a
sham. It sucked. I was pissed. Now I'm moving on. What's the
point of grieving for something that turned out to be a lie?

Angus goes to the bedroom.

 35.

OLLIE
Time to go?

ABIGAIL
I'm not sure we should.

OLLIE
He's an ass. Grace said he was a grump but he's an ass.

ABIGAIL
The man I met last night was sweet. He was drunk but kind.
And funny. I never would have, you know, if... And where's
his family? Why hasn’t anyone checked on him? Does he have
kids?

Angus enters to get more bags.

ANGUS
Kids hate me. Now go away!

Angus exits.

OLLIE
(Quietly)
Grace said they couldn't have kids. They tried for years but
it never happened for them. She wanted to adopt but he
didn’t. Do you think he's a danger to himself?

Angus enters.

ANGUS
I'm going to be a danger to you if you don't get the hell out
of my house!

The phone rings. Angus answers.

ANGUS
Hello? Hi Bob. No my wife is not at home. I’m sure she’d love
a cruise. You want to take her? How about this? How about you
give me your phone number, no no, your home phone number, and
I'll call you back, say just around dinner time, when you're
having a meal with your family, and then you can give me your
social security number and your wife's social security number
and all your credit card information. Why not? That’s what
you were going to ask me for isn’t it? I'm old, not stupid
you fraudulent son of a bitch. Hello? Bob? He hung up.
(Beat.) What?

OLLIE
Nothing. Except... well...

ABIGAIL
What if he just wanted to sell you a cruise?
 36.

ANGUS
He didn't.

OLLIE
James and I took one last year. To Alaska. Not my idea but
James really wanted to. It wasn't so bad. Fun actually.

ANGUS
Grace always wanted to take one.

OLLIE
Why didn't you?

ANGUS
Because I refused to be one of those people who reach a
certain age and suddenly start cruising, playing Bingo,
taking pictures of their Shrimp Scampi and wearing matching
jogging suits. Did you and James get the matching jogging
suits?

OLLIE
No. Well, yes, but we don't wear them on the same day.

ANGUS
Just wait. You will.

ABIGAIL
So you wouldn't take your wife on a cruise because you're
cranky and pissed off about getting old?

ANGUS
Don't analyze me, Doc.

ABIGAIL
Not Doc.

OLLIE
She has three Master’s degrees but no PHD.

ABIGAIL
Why wouldn’t you take her?

ANGUS
A cruise ship produces 21,000 pounds of sewage every day. The
industry dumps 1 billion gallons of sewage per year directly
into the ocean. For every passenger mile, the average ship
emits the greenhouse gases of a Boeing 747. I didn't not take
her because I was a crank. I didn't take her because I didn't
want our grand-kids to have to live in a plastic bubble.

OLLIE
You don't have grand-kids.
 37.

ANGUS
Well, if we did!

ABIGAIL
You have those numbers memorized?

ANGUS
Grace was persistent. Don't look at me like that.

ABIGAIL
How am I looking at you?

ANGUS
Like my wife cheated on me because I wouldn't go on a cruise
with her. Because I wouldn't do the one thing she really
wanted to do together. Because I'm a self- centered, bitter
old ass.

ABIGAIL
That's how you think I'm looking at you?

ANGUS
I know you are.

ABIGAIL
Huh.

ANGUS
Aren't you?

ABIGAIL
I'm really not. But I find it fascinating that you think so.

OLLIE
Me too. I find it fascinating too.

ANGUS
Why are you still here?

OLLIE
I told you, they’re fumigating-

ANGUS
Yeah, I don’t believe that.

ABIGAIL
Where did Grace die?

ANGUS
I don't want to talk about that.

ABIGAIL
Okay.
 38.

ANGUS
I have things to do! So go! Go go go go go!

Angus exits to the bedroom. Door

slams.

OLLIE
She drowned in the Gulf. Coquina Beach.

ABIGAIL
That was her?

OLLIE
She never should have been out. Rip tides were pretty bad
that day. Red flags everywhere. But she was pretty stubborn
when she wanted to do something.

ABIGAIL
You guys were close?

OLLIE
We talked. You know? I don't think she could talk to him
much.

ABIGAIL
But she never mentioned another man?

OLLIE
No. But, when we first met, she seemed sad. She laughed a lot
but there was something forced. Heavy. Then, a few months
later, it lifted. She started really taking care of herself.
She was an attractive woman, but, this one day she had her
hair done, her makeup. Her toenails were bright blue. She was
radiant. But from the inside, you know? And it seemed like,
well, like she was doing it all for someone. Someone who
might actually notice.

Ollie looks up. Angus has been

standing in the bedroom doorway.
He's holding a large bong. He
stares at Ollie for a second,
then goes to the couch and begins
to prepare the bong to smoke.

OLLIE
What are you doing?

ANGUS
Medical marijuana baby. One of the few perks of getting old.

*** INTERMISSION MAY BE TAKEN

HERE.
 39.

ABIGAIL
Do you really think that's the best idea right now?

ANGUS
Yes I absolutely do. So... you two can either finally get out
of my space, stay and watch or share. Because, in a few
minutes, I simply won't care.

Abigail and Ollie look to each

other. Abigail throws up her
arms.

Angus breaks up the pot and puts

it into the bong.

ANGUS
Oh smell that. This was Grace's. She used it, on occasion,
for arthritis pain. It's the least she owes me.

OLLIE
Grace smoked a bong?

ANGUS
She used one of those medicinal vaporizer things but
sometimes she liked to go old school. I bought her this as a
joke for her birthday.

ABIGAIL
How romantic.

ANGUS
Now, I know Miss I don't even take aspirin unless I'm dying
won't join me but, Ollie, since you didn't sleep with my
wife, I'm happy to share.

Angus is having trouble figuring

out how to work the bong.

ABIGAIL
Do you even know what you’re doing?

ANGUS
I went to college.

But he’s doing it wrong. Abigail

watches him struggle.

ABIGAIL
Give it to me.

She finishes loading it, rather

expertly.
 40.

ANGUS
Wow, really?

ABIGAIL
I went to college too.

She takes a long hit.

ABIGAIL
Is there a problem?

ANGUS
Nope. Just gotta admit, I didn’t see that one coming.

ABIGAIL
I’m full of surprises.

OLLIE
We're just going to sit here in the middle of the day and get
high?

ABIGAIL
You have something better to do?

She hands the bong to Ollie, who

refuses it.

OLLIE
I'm good.

Abigail starts to take another

hit.

ANGUS
Hey Cheech, you wanna share?

ABIGAIL
Here.

He gives it to him. Angus takes a

long hit.

ANGUS
It's probably not even that strong. I think it's pretty old.

ABIGAIL
Can you stop talking now?

ANGUS
Uh, I believe this is my condo.

ABIGAIL
I haven't been high in thirty-something years. I'd like to
enjoy it in silence. Just for a minute.
 41.

ANGUS
Okay, bossy boss.

ABIGAIL
See that's just- why is it when a woman states her needs,
plain and simple, clear as she can, she's bossy. A man states
the exact same needs and he's assertive. A leader. Why the
bull-hockey is that?

ANGUS
I'm being quiet now.

Angus hands the bong back to

Abigail who takes another hit.

ABIGAIL
I don't think it's working.

ANGUS
Me neither.

They sit and stare. Ollie walks

away from them and makes a phone
call.

OLLIE
It's me. Hi. Wait, hello? Don’t hang up. Come on. I’m ready
to listen. James? Hello?

He hangs up.

ABIGAIL
(To Angus)
I need your phone.

Angus hands her his phone. She

dials.

ABIGAIL
Hi Vera. I know. I’m sorry. My phone died. Listen, I'm not
going to be able to make it to your place after all. I'm
sorry. I'm just wondering why you can't go yourself if...
what kind of shopping? Right. What? Oh... uh... Sure. I
guess. But-

ANGUS
What does she want?

ABIGAIL
(Covers the phone)
She wants me to have her carpets cleaned if Pirate peed.

Angus grabs the phone from her.

 42.

ANGUS
Hi Vera? Hi. Yeah, Abigail isn't going to let your dog out.
And she's not paying for the mess either. You shouldn't have
left a new puppy alone in the house all night. It probably
misses it's mother and snuggling with it's cute little
siblings and if the worst thing that happens is that your
rugs are ruined, consider yourself lucky. People like you
don't deserve puppies. They're not accessories. Next time try
a hermit crab. Or a lizard. Bye-bye Vera.
(He snaps his flip phone shut. Angus’s
version of a mic drop.)
Sorry, was that too bossy?

ABIGAIL
I can't believe you just did that. I can't believe you just
did that!

ANGUS
She'll get over it.

ABIGAIL
I don't know. I don't know that she will.

ANGUS
Do you really care?

ABIGAIL
No. No!

ANGUS
You know what's weird?

ABIGAIL
What?

ANGUS
We've reached the age, well, Ollie and I have reached the
age, where, when we die, people won’t say it was a tragedy.
They might be sad that we’re gone, they might miss us, but
not because we went too soon. Every day from here on out is
on credit.

ABIGAIL AND OLLIE

Yeah.

ABIGAIL
Yeah. You know what’s really weird?

ANGUS
What?

ABIGAIL
In five more years you won’t have to take off your shoes at
airport security.
 43.

ANGUS
I won’t?

ABIGAIL
Nope. Under 12 and over 75. Think about that for a second.

ANGUS
Whoa. But I don't feel done yet. I don’t feel close to done.
There’s still so much I want to- Why do you have three
master’s degrees?

ABIGAIL
I don't know. Wait. Yes I do. It's because I've been sad for
fifteen years.

ANGUS
Really?

ABIGAIL
Some people drink. Some people eat copious amounts of Ben and
Jerry's. I get master’s degrees.

ANGUS
Why have you been sad for fifteen years?

ABIGAIL
I didn’t even know I was until just now. Just right this
second. Like I can see it, you know? The sadness. Like right
there. And there.
(She pokes her finger at the air around her
as though she is poking holes in a bubble.)
Can you see it?

ANGUS
No.

ABIGAIL
My life did not turn out the way it was supposed to.

ANGUS
Have you ever met anyone whose did?

Ollie is on his phone again.

OLLIE
Please talk to me. How are we going to figure any of this out
if- Are you there? Seriously?

Ollie hangs up. He's pretty

distraught.

ANGUS
What are they in? Your master’s degrees.
 44.

ABIGAIL
One is in clinical psychology. That's for my work, obviously.
And then I have one in Astronomy.

ANGUS
Really, like horoscopes and-

ABIGAIL
That's astrology. Astronomy has nothing to do with
horoscopes.

Ollie joins them.

OLLIE
I'm such a Gemini it's scary. Give me some of that.
(Ollie takes a huge hit.)
Angus, what’s your sign?

Ollie blows out a rather large

puff of smoke.

ANGUS
I don’t know.

OLLIE
How can you not know? When’s your birthday?

ANGUS
November 1st.

OLLIE
Of course he’s a Scorpio.

ABIGAIL
Well my degree is in astronomy, not astrology. I wanted to be
an astronaut when I was a kid and that didn’t exactly work
out so... At least this way I can still look up at the stars
and imagine.

OLLIE
Why didn’t it work out?

ABIGAIL
I’m terrified of flying. I haven’t even been on a plane in
years.

ANGUS
You know, you’re actually safer on a plane than-

ABIGAIL
(Overlapping)
Safer on a plane than in a car, yep. My brain knows all of
that. Doesn’t help.
 45.

OLLIE
How do you travel?

ABIGAIL
I fly when I absolutely have to. With a lot of help from a
Mr. Johnny Walker. Otherwise, it’s trains. Cars. The
occasional bus.

ANGUS
I couldn’t do that.

OLLIE
Me neither.

ABIGAIL
It’s not that bad. Kind of forces you to slow down, you know?
One time, on a train from Dallas to Chicago, I played cards
for five hours straight with six Amish teenagers. I never
would have had that experience on a plane. I’m still pen-pals
with one of them.

ANGUS
An Amish kid?

ABIGAIL
She writes real letters. On paper. I miss paper.

ANGUS
And yet you made fun of my phone book. What's the third?

ABIGAIL
Glass art. Glass blowing.

ANGUS
You can get a master’s degree in that?

ABIGAIL
You can.

ANGUS
And that's useful, how?

ABIGAIL
If you want to blow glass, I guess.

ANGUS
And do you?

ABIGAIL
I do. I sell it at art fairs on the weekends. I'm not very
good. I'm a much better therapist.

ANGUS
Unless someone comes to you for fear of flying.
 46.

ABIGAIL
No! I’m actually really good at that one. Just can’t seem to
practice what I preach.

Ollie starts to take another hit.

ANGUS
You might want to slow down a little there, Willie Nelson.

OLLIE
I never should have been with an Aries.

ABIGAIL
What?

OLLIE
James keeps hanging up on me. How childish is that? Stupid
Aries.

ABIGAIL
You want to talk about it?

OLLIE
I can't.

ABIGAIL
Why not?

OLLIE
Because straight men of a certain age, hell any age, get
uncomfortable talking about gay sex.

ANGUS
Whoa whoa whoa. Who's talking about gay sex?

OLLIE
See?

ABIGAIL
Oh he’s fine. What’s going on.

OLLIE
James won’t have sex with me.

ANGUS
Well can you even?

OLLIE
Are you implying that I’m impotent?

ANGUS
I'm implying that you're on a walker and have a broken hip!
 47.

OLLIE
It’s not a walker it’s a cane! And it’s not broken, just
hurt. And I can have sex. We have to be careful of positions
but I can totally have sex. I can still drive a car and I can
still have sex!

ANGUS
Well, okay then.

OLLIE
Is this making you uncomfortable?

ANGUS
I'll let you know.

OLLIE
Homophobe.

ANGUS
How am I a homophobe?

OLLIE
You'd probably throw up if you ever went near a gay pride
parade.

ANGUS
Well I've been to eight and I only threw up once. And that
was due to some bad egg salad so-

OLLIE
You've been to eight gay prides?

ANGUS
Yes.

OLLIE
Why?

ANGUS
Now who's making assumptions? I'm not allowed to go to gay
pride?

OLLIE
You're not allowed to go to more than me!

ANGUS
My nephew is gay. So, yes, I have attended my fair share.
And, let me say, based on those parades you all are doing
fine in the pride department. In fact, I think what many of
you could use, is a little gay humility.

OLLIE
I wouldn't know.
 48.

ANGUS
What do you mean?

OLLIE
I've never been to one.

ANGUS
Ever?

OLLIE
I'm a former baseball player. People leave me alone because,
even though I've lived with my partner for nineteen years,
we’ve been very private and never talk about it publicly. And
now I'm old, so nobody pokes around. So I'm essentially
living in an extra high-ceilinged, granite counter-topped,
four-thousand square foot with water views closet.

ANGUS
Your condo is four thousand square feet?

OLLIE
We bought two next to each other and knocked out the walls.
My dad is sick. He needs to move in with me.

ANGUS
Your condo is four thousand square feet?

ABIGAIL
Angus, we've moved on. And is he? Moving in?

OLLIE
He can't.

ABIGAIL
Why not?

OLLIE
He doesn't know I'm gay.

ANGUS
Oops.

OLLIE
My dad is ninety-two and retired in Tucson. He comes to
visit, maybe once every other year and, when he does, I erase
all evidence of a partner. James gets a week vacation in St.
Barts and I get my dad. But now, he either comes to live with
us here, or he goes to a nursing home there.

ABIGAIL
And James doesn't want him to live with you?

OLLIE
I don't want it.
 49.

ABIGAIL
Because you would have to tell him you’re gay?

ANGUS
Of course he would have to tell him.

ABIGAIL
And this is why he won't be intimate with you?

OLLIE
Be intimate with, talk to... He kicked me out this morning.
And I don't think he'll let me back in until I've done it.

ANGUS
Well at least now I get why you're still hanging out at my
place.

OLLIE
That's not why. Not the only reason why. I really am worried
about you.

ANGUS
Your boyfriend's not exactly being reasonable. Your dad is
ninety-two. That could kill him.

ABIGAIL
Does he have a heart condition?

OLLIE
No.

ABIGAIL
Any other physical issues?

OLLIE
Not really.

ABIGAIL
Then it probably won't kill him.

OLLIE
That's what James said. Who, by the way, is a hell of a lot
more than a boyfriend.

ANGUS
Clearly, if you pack him off to St. Barts once a year to hide
him from your family.

OLLIE
It's not that simple.

ANGUS
If your dad is so healthy, why does he have to go into
assisted living?
 50.

OLLIE
He's had progressive dementia for a while but it's getting
worse.

ANGUS
So go ahead and tell him. He's just going to forget anyway.
Of course, if he's going to live with you, he couldn't help
but notice things. Even if he did forget that you told him.
Oh my God. What kind of Beckett-like hell would that be? You
come out to him. It's heart wrenching and beyond difficult
for you both. Things are said. Things that can't be taken
back. Tears are cried. But you make it through. Then, the
next morning, you wake up. And he's forgotten. All of it. And
you have to do it again. And again. You just have to keep
coming out to him every morning before you've even had your
coffee. Or orange juice. Or pancakes. Waffles.

ABIGAIL
Syrup.

ANGUS
Bacon.

ABIGAIL
Bacon dipped in syrup.

ANGUS
Hash browns.

OLLIE
Salty slightly burnt hash browns.

ABIGAIL
Is anyone else hungry?

They all raise their hand. The

munchies have arrived with a
vengeance. Beat. They bee-line
for the kitchen and start raiding
cupboards, the fridge, etc. They
snack as they go. Grazing.

ABIGAIL
Do you think you might?

OLLIE
What?

ABIGAIL
Tell your father you're gay.

OLLIE
I'm sixty-eight damn years old. It's too late. I wouldn't
even know how to start.
 51.

ABIGAIL
We could practice if you want.

OLLIE
What do you mean?

ABIGAIL
I do this in my sessions sometimes. A kind of role playing.
We use it the most when the person you need to communicate
with is no longer here. There can be a lot of unresolved
feelings and sometimes, just putting words to them, speaking
them out loud, even if it's just to someone standing in for
you loved one... sometimes that can be really helpful.

OLLIE
Even though my dad is still alive?

ANGUS
Well just wait. You haven't told him yet.

ABIGAIL
Angus!

ANGUS
I'm kidding. Kidding. Do I see brownie mix in that cabinet?
Oh yes I do. I am making double fudge brownies. Right. Now.

ABIGAIL
Really?

ANGUS
Oh yeah.

Angus starts to make the

brownies.

ABIGAIL
Okay. So, I'll be your father. And you just... talk.

OLLIE
That's it?

ABIGAIL
That's it.

OLLIE
Okay.

ABIGAIL
Wait.

OLLIE
What?
 52.

ABIGAIL
Angus should be the father.

ANGUS
Uh, no I shouldn't.

ABIGAIL
He's a guy. You're a guy. It's just better. Energetically.

ANGUS
No. Really.

ABIGAIL
It's not hard. I swear.

ANGUS
What would I have to do?

ABIGAIL
You just receive what he is saying. You don't talk back.
Okay?

She puts Angus in a chair.

ANGUS
I guess.

ABIGAIL
Because it's really important that we don't respond. Just
listen.

ANGUS
Got it.

ABIGAIL
Okay... Ollie. Whenever it feels right.

OLLIE
This is weird.

ABIGAIL
Take your time.

OLLIE
Okay. (Beat.) Uh, hey Dad.

ANGUS
Hello, son.

ABIGAIL
No. Angus. Don't talk. Just-

ANGUS
He said Hi. I'm saying hi. It's polite. What's the problem?
 53.

ABIGAIL
You just acknowledge him. Non-verbally. Just hear him. Okay?
He needs you to witness. Nothing else. Just witness.

ANGUS
Just witness. I got it. Try again.

OLLIE
Hi Dad.

Angus, not sure how to respond,

gets flustered and salutes him.

OLLIE
What the hell was that? What were you doing?

ANGUS
Acknowledging you.

OLLIE
Okay well could you... not?

ANGUS
What's the point of my being here at all then? He may as well
be talking to an empty chair.

ABIGAIL
It's important for him to be able to give it to someone. Just
let him know, with your eyes, with your spirit, whatever it
is that you hear him. Really hear him. Just don't talk. Or...
salute. Okay?

ANGUS
Okay.

OLLIE
Okay. Hi Dad.

Angus does something really

strange with his eyes. His way of
"receiving". It's creepy.

OLLIE
Oh my god will you stop doing that?

ANGUS
What?

OLLIE
Whatever you were just doing with your eyes. Stop.
(To Abigail)
This feels ridiculous.
 54.

ANGUS
You're telling me.

ABIGAIL
Shhh. You're doing fine.

OLLIE
I don’t even know how to... Okay, fine. Dad? (Beat.) All my
life, the only thing I've ever wanted was to make you proud.

ABIGAIL
Good. Keep going.

ANGUS
How come you get to talk?

ABIGAIL AND OLLIE

Shhh.

ANGUS
Okay okay. Sorry. Go ahead.

Ollie takes a breath.

OLLIE
Didn't matter how many people filled the stadium. I was
always playing for a crowd of one. I honestly hoped it was
just a phase. And it's not like there weren't women. A lot of
women. I tried. I really did. Well, obviously I did if I got
engaged to Jennifer. You and mom took that break-up harder
than I did. Guess that should have been a clue, huh? But I
have someone in my life now, Dad. Someone who is my life. Who
has loved me through so much sickness and health. Who taught
me how to live with laughter and love. And I’ve hurt him.
I’ve hurt him so deeply. All because I wasn't strong enough
to tell you three little words. The hardest words I’ve ever
had to say to you. And they shouldn’t be that hard. Dad...
I’m gay.

A short beat. They share

something very real. Then, Angus
topples over in his chair
pretending to die.

OLLIE
You are such a bastard.

ABIGAIL
Ignore him. That was really great Ollie. How did that feel?

OLLIE
I'm not sure.

Angus snorts.
 55.

OLLIE
What?

ANGUS
Nothing.

OLLIE
What?

ANGUS
I'm not supposed to react, remember?

OLLIE
Well you already snorted so what the hell is it?

ANGUS
I don't buy it.

OLLIE
What?

ANGUS
I think there's more to it than that.

OLLIE
Such as?

ANGUS
I don't know yet. But the father you were just talking to
seems like a pretty reasonable guy. Like, I don't know why
you haven't told him already.

OLLIE
So.

ANGUS
So I don't think you did the exercise the way it's meant to
be done.

OLLIE
I don't really care what you think.

ANGUS
Are you saying this actually helped? You're better. Ready to
confess all to daddy?

OLLIE
No.

ANGUS
I think you're pissed at him and you have a hell of a lot
more to say than “Dad, I'm gay”. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong but
I don't think I'm wrong.
 56.

Ollie looks to Abigail.

ABIGAIL
It's up to you.

OLLIE
The man is 92 years old. What good will it do now?

ABIGAIL
This is for you. Not your father. You might never say any of
this to him. This is all for you.

Beat. Ollie nods, yes. Angus gets

back in the chair.

OLLIE
When I was fourteen... Oh crap. (Beat.) When I was
fourteen... I was hanging out one Saturday in the back yard
with my friend Jeff Mack. He had moved and I hadn't seem him
since Little League so we were catching up. You and mom were
out. I don't remember where. The hardware store I think. You
never could go anywhere alone. I remember that he was telling
me about his new school and some girl there. But all I could
see were his lips. How they moved. How soft they looked. And
I'm not exactly sure when, but somehow, he had moved his face
a little closer and I had moved my face a little closer and
before I knew it, our lips were almost touching and he wasn't
pulling back and I wasn't pulling back and then... our lips
were actually touching. And neither of us could breathe or
move. That was my first kiss. And it was the most real and
alive I had ever felt. The next thing I felt was your hand
slamming into the back of my head. You yelled at Jeff to go
home and you dragged me into the house. You had never hit any
of us kids before. But that afternoon, you used your belt and
you used it hard. You made it clear, if I continued down that
path, I would not be welcome. By you. By my team. By anyone
that mattered to me. I'm not entirely blaming you. The world
was different then. You did what a lot of fathers did. And
some still do. But I'm telling you now. If you want to come
and live with me, you'll be living with two men, two men who
love each other more than they ever thought possible. You'll
be getting to know your son. All of me. Because I won't hide
it anymore. Not from you. Not from myself. Not from anyone.
It took fifty-four years, but I am done hiding. Dad, I am
gay.

A long beat.

ABIGAIL
How did that feel?

OLLIE
Whoa.
 57.

ABIGAIL
You did great.

OLLIE
Really?

ABIGAIL
Really.

OLLIE
Did you buy it this time?

ANGUS
I did.

OLLIE
Thanks. (Beat.) I have to go.

ABIGAIL
Okay.

OLLIE
Good-bye.

ANGUS
Wait a second. Where are you going? Where is he going?

OLLIE
Ari-goddamned-zona.

ANGUS
Seriously?

OLLIE
Seriously.

ABIGAIL
Call me.

OLLIE
I will.

ANGUS
Wait. You really want to confront your 92 year old father
while you are high as a kite?

OLLIE
It's a long flight. And I'm about as grounded as I've ever
been. You should try it.

ANGUS
Being gay?
 58.

OLLIE
No, you idiot. The thing. That thing. Whatever I just did.
You should try it... about Grace.

ANGUS
Oh. No. No. No no no. It's not for me.

OLLIE
You sure?

ANGUS
Oh yeah.

OLLIE
Well if I’m wrong, I’m wrong. But I don’t think I’m wrong.
(Beat.)
Okay, well... Good bye Abigail.

ABIGAIL
Good-Bye sweetheart.

Ollie hugs Abigail goodbye.

OLLIE
Angus.

Ollie goes in for a hug with

Angus, who shakes his hand.

ANGUS
Sorry. Not a hugger.

OLLIE
Yeah but I am.

Ollie envelopes him in a huge

bear hug. They almost fall over.

ANGUS
Okay. Okay. Easy.

OLLIE
You really should try it.

ANGUS
Thanks. But no.

OLLIE
Take care, Angus.

ANGUS
You too. Take care.
 59.

Ollie exits. Abigail and Angus

look at one another.

ANGUS
Well.

ABIGAIL
Well.

ANGUS
What the hell just happened?

ABIGAIL
You just witnessed a breakthrough.

ANGUS
That was intense. Does it always happen that fast?

ABIGAIL
Never. But you heard him, it was fifty-four years in the
making. And you helped him.

ANGUS
Nah.

ABIGAIL
You did.

They share a moment.

ANGUS
You still want those brownies?

ABIGAIL
Why not?

ANGUS
Should we make magic brownies?

ABIGAIL
I think I've had enough magic for one day.

ANGUS
Yeah.

ABIGAIL
And then I should probably go.

ANGUS
Right. After the brownies though.

ABIGAIL
After the brownies.
 60.

ANGUS
You're very pretty.

ABIGAIL
No I'm not.

ANGUS
Just take the compliment, all right? You are. You're very
pretty.

ABIGAIL
Thank you. My dating coach said I should get bangs.
Apparently bangs take ten years off your-

ANGUS
Dating coach?

ABIGAIL
For online dating. It’s Hell out there.

ANGUS
Did you just swear?

ABIGAIL
No.

ANGUS
I’m pretty sure you just swore.

ABIGAIL
I used Hell as an actual geographic location.

ANGUS
A loophole.

ABIGAIL
Did you know that by age fifty, the number of single men to
women is about equal, but by sixty, it’s a little more than
two women for every one man. By seventy, it’s four to one.

ANGUS
So my odds are pretty good then.

ABIGAIL
Odds for dating sure. Not so great for living though.

ANGUS
Ouch.
 61.

ABIGAIL
Sorry. My coach had me make this video for my profile. Though
I honestly don’t know when you guys have time to even glance
at a video because, according to all of your profiles, you’re
all out taking long walks on the beach, hiking Kilimanjaro
and then jetting home to cook organic, locally sourced farm
to table dinners. Anyway, she made me redo it like nine
times.

ANGUS
Why?

ABIGAIL
I wasn’t coming across as low-maintenance enough.

ANGUS
How so?

ABIGAIL
No idea! She said I had to be fun, flirty and warm.
Nurturing, but not annoying. Receptive, but not too easy to
catch or else I’ll repel the illusive alpha male who is, who
are we kidding, probably out boinking his thirty-five year
old yoga instructor anyway. It’s so strange to feel
invisible. I don’t know when that happened. One day you’re
walking down the street, getting annoyed by the cat calls,
and it seems like the very next day those same men are
calling you ma’am and just two days after that, some good
looking guy is offering you his seat on the bus. And it’s not
because he thinks you’re pretty or, I don’t know, even
pregnant. It’s because he thinks you are too old to hold
yourself upright. I may pee a little when I sneeze but I can
still stand up! Anyway, I fired her before I even went out on
a single date.

ANGUS
Pee?

ABIGAIL
It’s a thing from having kids and... I just have to cross my
legs when I sneeze and- Be quiet.

ANGUS
I get it. I do. Okay, not the peeing part but... Last week, I
saw this young woman at Starbucks. She was gorgeous. Seems
like just yesterday, I would have held the door open for her.
Fantasized about getting her number. But this day, she held
the door for me. And smiled sweetly like I was her elderly
grandfather. It was a goddamned kick in the balls.

ABIGAIL
I took my granddaughter Ruby to the gym with me the other day
for family yoga. She’s four.
 62.

We were in the showers afterwards and she looks down at my...

Am I really going to tell you this?

ANGUS
Never going to see me again, right?

ABIGAIL
Right. Okay. So she looks down and says Grandma, your woo-woo
is so cute. That’s her word for-

ANGUS
I got it.

ABIGAIL
Now I’m feeling kind of good because it’s been a long time
since any of my south of the border bits have been called
anything remotely resembling cute. Then she says, it looks
just like a turkey. And I look down and realize she’s right.
Plus, I had recently done the whole waxing thing all the
younger women seem to love, so what it actually resembled,
was a recently plucked turkey. And I hear giggling coming
from the 23-year-old Pilates goddess in the shower next to us
who probably has a perfect woo woo and all I want to do is
strangle her with her bright pink resistance bands. Because
now, I’m afraid, on top of everything else I have to worry
about, I have an ugly woo woo! And wow is that a stupid name
for it.

ANGUS
There’s no such thing as an ugly woo woo.

ABIGAIL
Sure there is.

ANGUS
No. It’s like pizza. You may like some better than others.
But no such thing as bad pizza.

Beat. They both burst out

laughing.

ABIGAIL
I can’t believe I just told you that story.

ANGUS
How long were you married?

ABIGAIL
Thirty-nine years.

ANGUS
What happened?
 63.

ABIGAIL
Got traded in for a younger model. Fewer rings on the tree.

ANGUS
I'm sorry. How long ago?

ABIGAIL
Three years. Yesterday.

ANGUS
Yesterday was-

ABIGAIL
The anniversary of my divorce. Yes. He was my first. My first
everything really. I was twenty when we got married. And I
haven't been with anyone since. Until last night.

ANGUS
Oh.

ABIGAIL
So it was a pretty big night for me. Revenge or not. Don’t
look so worried.

ANGUS
I’m not worried.

ABIGAIL
Look, I won Miss Congeniality at my summer camp five years in
a row. I always send thank you notes and I never leave the
dishes in the sink overnight. I wanted to step out of bounds.
Just once. But that’s all it was. I was using you just as
much as you were using me.

ANGUS
Okay. Well. Great. Glad we got that straight.

ABIGAIL
Me too.

Beat.

ANGUS
Except that it wasn’t... just.

ABIGAIL
What do you mean?

ANGUS
Revenge. It definitely started out that way but then...
something happened. Didn’t it? It wasn’t just.

ABIGAIL
Oh.
 64.

Beat. They share a moment. Angus

looks down at the brownie batter
he has been mixing. He holds up
the spoon for her. She takes a
lick. Then he takes a lick. He
wipes some chocolate off her
face.

ANGUS
How did you get it all the way up there?

They laugh. They move closer.

They almost kiss. A phone rings.
Beat. They separate. He checks
his phone.

ANGUS
Not mine.

ABIGAIL
Mine is dead.

It keeps ringing. They find the

source.

ANGUS
It's Grace's.

Beat. It keeps ringing. They

stare at it. Finally... Angus
answers

ANGUS
Hello? (Beat.) No she's... she's not here. Who is this?
Oscar. Is that Oscar with an O? I thought so. Are you
Foxtrot313 Oscar with an O? Who am I? I'm her goddamned
husband that's who am I. (Beat.) Hello? Hello? Answer me you
mother f- ! Hello! HELLO?!!?

Angus throws the phone across the

room. He kicks a kitchen chair
and throws that across the room
too. He starts to go for the
brownie pan but Abigail
intercepts it.

ABIGAIL
Not those.

ANGUS
It was him.

ABIGAIL
I gathered.
 65.

ANGUS
Hung up on me. Gutless coward.

ABIGAIL
Are you going to call him back?

ANGUS
Why in hell would I do that?

ABIGAIL
Well he doesn't seem to know that Grace passed.

ANGUS
Good! Let him stew for a while. He'll either figure it out or
see an obituary somewhere or maybe he'll think she left him.
Came back to me. Whatever it is, I don't care.

ABIGAIL
You sure?

He shoves the brownie pan into

the oven and slams the oven door
shut. He burns himself while
doing so.

ANGUS
Aw shit. Ow. God bless it!

ABIGAIL
Here, let me-

She gets him a cold cloth.

ANGUS
I'm fine. Don't touch it! Don’t touch me.

Abigail watches him for a moment.

ABIGAIL
Maybe Ollie's idea wasn't such a bad one.

ANGUS
What's that?

ABIGAIL
Maybe you should talk to someone. About Grace. It doesn't
have to be now. It certainly doesn't have to be with me. But,
it could be good for you... at some point. I have some names
I could give you. Other therapists. Good ones.

ANGUS
It's all bullshit. It doesn't actually help anything.
 66.

ABIGAIL
It seemed to help Ollie.

ANGUS
Because he believed it would. I know better.

ABIGAIL
You sure? Maybe that phone call... maybe it was a sign.

ANGUS
A sign?

ABIGAIL
We were about to kiss.

ANGUS
A sign from whom? From my dead wife? And of what? Not to kiss
you? You don't think she would have sent us a sign last night
when we were doing one hell of a lot more than kissing? She's
gone. She's not in heaven or in hell. She's certainly not
hanging around here leaving me notes from the afterlife.
She's just absent. She was. And then she wasn't.

ABIGAIL
My mom leaves me signs.

ANGUS
What does that even mean?

ABIGAIL
Dimes sometimes. I'll find dimes in the strangest places.
Birds too. Especially cardinals. Dragonflies. My mom sent me
butterflies the day of her funeral.

ANGUS
How did she send them to you? FedEx? UPS?

ABIGAIL
I was sitting in the garden, thinking of how much I was going
to miss our middle of the night phone calls, wishing I had
written down her recipe for chicken and dumplings, knowing
that no one on earth would ever love me as much as she had.
And when I opened my eyes, I was enveloped in this, well it
seemed like a swarm of butterflies. Is that what you call a
group of butterflies? A swarm? Well I had never seen one
before. And they stayed for a full minute... and then they
were gone. But I knew... I just knew they were from her.
Telling me that I would always be surrounded by her love.

ANGUS
This was in your garden?

ABIGAIL
Yes.
 67.

ANGUS
That you planted?

ABIGAIL
Yes.

ANGUS
Did you plant a butterfly bush in this garden? Any other
butterfly attracting plants?

ABIGAIL
Probably. But I had never seen a swarm like that before and I
haven't seen one since.

ANGUS
They aren't signs.

ABIGAIL
I think they are.

ANGUS
You find dimes because you dropped them or lost them or
someone else dropped them or lost them. You see cardinals and
butterflies because there are cardinals and butterflies
flying around all the time whether you've lost someone or not
and because you planted a butterfly bush in your garden! And
you can say you didn't see them as much or as often before
but that's only because you weren't looking. Once you put
your attention on them, then of course you notice them more.

ABIGAIL
But isn't that what a sign is? Something to get our
attention?

ANGUS
Do you feed this crap to your patients?

ABIGAIL
If they're open to it.

ANGUS
Well it's crap.

ABIGAIL
Look, if you were my patient and not someone I- If you were
just my patient, I would really encourage you to explore your
anger and your hurt.

ANGUS
You would “encourage” me?
 68.

ABIGAIL
It’s the only way to find the joy again. To go through it.
Your grieving process is going to be more complicated because
of your wife's affair. But don't hide from it. Or it'll come
back to bite you later. Trust me, I know.

ANGUS
Of course you do.

ABIGAIL
What is that supposed to mean?

ANGUS
Why is it that the people most in need of therapy always seem
to be the ones that become therapists?

ABIGAIL
Maybe people who have been in the dark themselves and found a
way out want to help others find their way too.

ANGUS
Yeah but you're still in the dark. We're all still in the
damn dark. It's the blind leading the blind.

ABIGAIL
Look. I was just trying to help you. You don't have to get
personal and attack me.

ANGUS
Why not? You're the one who is supposed to be the expert. Who
should be telling people the truth.

ABIGAIL
Which is what?

ANGUS
That their loved ones are gone and they will never get the
answers they need and they will hate them and miss them in
equal parts and their absence will feel like a giant gaping
sink hole. Because their favorite coffee cup is still in the
cupboard. Their toothbrush still in the bathroom. Their
perfume on the pillow. You can clean out their drawers. Throw
out their shampoo. Toss away the evidence of two lives lived
as one. But the world just keeps on spinning on indifferent
to the brutal nothing that has been left where she was.
That's what you should tell them. But instead, you go on
about dimes and birds and god-damned signs? You’re the one
who needs help lady. You're the one living the lie. Your
mother is gone. Your husband left you. He’s gone too. There
are no signs.
 69.

Beat. Abigail stares at him,

stunned, then very slowly and
deliberately gathers her things.
She goes to the door.

ABIGAIL
Angus?

ANGUS
Yes?

ABIGAIL
Fuck you.

She exits. He stares after her.

Lights fade a little.

He continues to stare at the door

where she was. He takes the
brownies out of the oven and
throws them in the sink. Then, he
gets Grace’s robe from one of the
garbage bags. He holds it for a
bit, then takes it to the couch.
He presses it to his face and
breathes in. He breaks down and
curls up, clutching the robe as
he sobs.

Time passes. Hours. Days. The

world keeps on spinning on. Angus
ends up in the fetal position,
clutching Grace’s robe. Lights
change.

There is a knock at the door.

Angus doesn't move. Ollie cracks
the door and enters. He carries a
paper bag.

OLLIE
Angus? You here? Sorry to barge in. The door was unlocked.
Angus. Buddy? You awake?

ANGUS
I'm awake.

OLLIE
You're wearing the same clothes.

ANGUS
Yeah.
 70.

OLLIE
Have you eaten anything?

ANGUS
I don't know.

OLLIE
Okay. Get up. Come on. Let me help you. Time to get up.

ANGUS
Why do I feel so dizzy?

OLLIE
Because you need to eat. Come on. I have coffee and bagels.
Okay? Angus. Okay?

ANGUS
Okay.

Ollie goes into the kitchen and

lays out the food and coffee.
Angus splashes some water on his
face. Ollie hands him a coffee.

OLLIE
Here.

ANGUS
Thanks. How long ago did you leave?

OLLIE
Three days.

ANGUS
Three days!?

OLLIE
Three and a half.

ANGUS
Well hell.

Ollie has spread cream cheese on

a bagel and hands it to him.

OLLIE
Eat.

ANGUS
How did it go? With your dad?

OLLIE
It went better with you.
 71.

ANGUS
What happened?

OLLIE
He said he'd rather rot in a nursing home than live with me
and my faggot friend.

ANGUS
Oh.

OLLIE
Yeah.

ANGUS
I'm really sorry.

OLLIE
Thanks. The stupid thing is, he would have liked James. If he
had grown up in another time, he probably would have liked
James more than me. And James plays chess. I don’t play
chess.

ANGUS
No. The stupid thing is, he's stupid. But things with James
are- you two are okay then?

OLLIE
We're getting married.

ANGUS
What?

OLLIE
You have to come. Abigail is going to officiate.

ANGUS
She does weddings too?

OLLIE
She got one of those certificates on line.

ANGUS
So you've... you've talked to her then? Did she say anything
about me?

OLLIE
Why do you think I came to check up on you?

ANGUS
It was bad.

OLLIE
Call her.
 72.

ANGUS
I can't.

OLLIE
You should.

ANGUS
I know but I can't.

OLLIE
Well... do you think you could at least take a shower?

ANGUS
That I could probably manage.

OLLIE
Good. Because uh... baby you stink. I have to get back to
James.

ANGUS
Thanks for coming by. And for the invitation.

OLLIE
You have to come.

ANGUS
I'll think about it.

OLLIE
You have to come. (Beat.) You going to be okay?

ANGUS
Yeah.

OLLIE
I'll be by to check on you again tomorrow.

ANGUS
I'm okay.

OLLIE
I'm leaving the bagels. No carbs for me until the wedding.

Ollie does a little dance and

stumbles on his cane.

ANGUS
Your hip going to be healed in time for that trip down the
aisle?

OLLIE
Damn well better be.
 73.

ANGUS
How’d you hurt it anyway?

OLLIE
Old baseball injury flared up.

ANGUS
Really?

OLLIE
Nah, not really. I fell out of my golf cart.

ANGUS
I’m sorry, what?

OLLIE
Had one too many beers on the back nine. Took too sharp a
turn and fell out. It’s not funny. Hurts like a- It’s not
funny.

ANGUS
(Still laughing.)
No.

OLLIE
I'll be back tomorrow. You have to come.

Ollie exits. Beat. Angus runs

after him.

ANGUS
Ollie! Ollie! Come back here a minute will you?

Angus enters follows by Ollie.

OLLIE
What is it?

ANGUS
I need your help.

OLLIE
You got it.

Angus pulls out a kitchen chair

for Ollie.

ANGUS
Sit down. Here. No, wait. Here.

Angus gets Grace’s robe. He hands

it to Ollie.
 74.

OLLIE
Uh...

ANGUS
I need you to witness. Please.

Beat. Ollie puts it on. It’s pink

and silky and way too small but
he manages. Angus hands him
Grace’s favorite coffee mug and
sits across the table from Ollie.
They stare at each other for a
bit.

ANGUS
I hate you.

OLLIE
What did I do?

ANGUS
Not you. Her.

OLLIE
Right. Right. Sorry.

ANGUS
Just be quiet, okay? If I don’t do this now...

OLLIE
Yep.

Beat.

ANGUS
I miss you. I love you. Shut up.

OLLIE
I didn’t say anything.

ANGUS
But you were thinking it.

OLLIE
I swear. Stop making excuses. Keep going.

ANGUS
Okay. (Beat.) I love you. Only there’s a but now. I love you
but. And a why. So many why’s. Why did you go swimming that
day? Why didn't you wait for me to go with you? Were you
hoping to meet him afterwards? I know things were bad with
us. Had been for a while. Part of me gets why you went to
him. I thought about it too. What it would be like to be with
someone who actually saw me when they looked.
 75.

Someone with whom you have no history. No sadness. No anger.

No baggage at all. Just the pure, electric moment. But that
negates all our joys too. And we did have them, didn’t we?
What if, before you went to him... what if you had come to
me? And we could have actually acknowledged that something
was deeply wrong with us? What if we stopped being complacent
and scared? What if we sat with our anger and resentment and
discomfort... in the completely naked awful vulnerability of
it all long enough to realize that we could get to other
side. That there was another side to get to. Because then,
instead of meeting him on the beach, you could have met the
man who held your hair back when you threw up all night long
on bad tequila, the man who watched helplessly after the
miscarriages, wanting so badly to take all the pain away.
What if you had had that affair... but with me? I know our
baggage was ugly but some of it was ugly beautiful. And it
was ours to carry. That was the promise we made. So why did
we stop talking? Why did we let ourselves live in so much
silence? Because that silence was really a scream. Why didn't
we hear it?

OLLIE
I heard it.

ANGUS
I know. Why didn’t you give me the chance to hear it too?
Because maybe I just needed you to point it out. Something to
get my attention.

A cardinal lands on the window

ledge outside. (*This can be done
simply with a sound cue).

ANGUS
Okay, now you're just freaking me out.

Angus and the bird stare at each

other for a moment. Then... it
flies off. Ollie takes off the
robe.

ANGUS
Thank you.

OLLIE
You’re welcome. Did it help?

ANGUS
I don’t know yet. I think I need some time.

OLLIE
Yeah.
 76.

ANGUS
That was some cardinal, huh?

OLLIE
That was some cardinal.

They hug.

OLLIE
I’ll see you soon.

ANGUS
You will.

Ollie exits.

Angus takes the robe and sits

down at the table for a long
beat. Finally, he takes out his
phone. He dials.

ANGUS
Oscar with an O? It's Angus. The husband. Don't hang up. Not
yet. There's something you need to know.

Lights change and come up again.

Time passes. Night turns to day.

Many days pass.

Angus puts away Grace's things.

Lights change. The doorbell

rings. Angus opens it. Abigail is
there.

ANGUS
Hi.

ABIGAIL
Hi.

ANGUS
Hi.

ABIGAIL
I got your letter.

ANGUS
It was on real paper.

ABIGAIL
And your voicemails. And your texts. Angus, this has to stop.
It's not possible for us to have a relationship right now.
 77.

You still have to grieve and you weren't completely wrong

about me-

ANGUS
No. I was. I was taking my anger at Grace out on you because
you were here and I could and I'm so sorry. I said horrible
things and-

ABIGAIL
You did. But you weren't wrong about therapists needing
therapy sometimes too. I still have work to do. On me. On
saying no.

ANGUS
Good. Say no to everyone else. Say yes to me.

ABIGAIL
No. I have to figure out what the hell I'm doing and what I
actually want.

ANGUS
Why can't we do those things and be together?

ABIGAIL
Because it doesn't work that way.

ANGUS
Why not?

ABIGAIL
Because it doesn't.

ANGUS
What if we're special?

ABIGAIL
We're not.

ANGUS
I did the thing. I talked to her. To Grace.

ABIGAIL
I'm glad.

ANGUS
She sent me a cardinal.

ABIGAIL
It's the right season for cardinals. They're everywhere.

ANGUS
She sent him.
 78.

ABIGAIL
I hope she did.

ANGUS
Go out with me.

ABIGAIL
No.

ANGUS
Then just talk to me. Let me call you once a week and just
talk to me. About everything. Every tiny boring detail of
your day. We can just talk. We'll talk.

ABIGAIL
We can do that.

ANGUS
We can?

ABIGAIL
In a year.

ANGUS
That's too long. We're already on credit, remember?

ABIGAIL
Okay. Ollie and James are getting married in six months. Be
my date.

ANGUS
Still too long.

ABIGAIL
It'll have to do.

ANGUS
Why?

ABIGAIL
Because we both need the time.

ANGUS
I don't want to need it.

ABIGAIL
Doesn't matter.

ANGUS
So what happens in six months?

ABIGAIL
We go to the wedding and celebrate Ollie and James.
 79.

ANGUS
And then?

ABIGAIL
And then we go back to my place. And we lie down.

ANGUS
Yes?

ABIGAIL
Side by side. And we take off our clothes. And we count the
rings. I will show you the map of my life written in scars
and stretch marks and age spots and moles. And you will show
me the map of your life. And then, if we still want to...
we'll make love with the lights on. And then we'll sleep. And
then we'll talk.

ANGUS
And never stop talking.

Lights start to fade.

ANGUS
And maybe that will be enough.

ABIGAIL
Maybe it will.

ANGUS
Maybe.

Blackout

End of play.