《老友记》中英文对照剧本第一季

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101 The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate

101 The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate (The Pilot-The Uncut 101 试播
Version)

[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are 没什么好说的！他不过是我的同事！
there.] 少来了，你和那个人一起出去！拜托，
Monica: There's nothing to tell! He's just some guy I work with! 和你交往的男人一定有问题！
Joey: Come on, you're going out with the guy! There's gotta be 打住，乔伊，嘴下留德。他驼背？既驼背
something wrong with him! 又带假发？
Chandler: All right Joey, be nice. So does he have a hump? A 慢着，他吃粉笔吗？
hump and a hairpiece?
Phoebe: Wait, does he eat chalk?
(They all stare, bemused.) 我只是不想你重蹈我和卡尔的覆辙。
Phoebe: Just, 'cause, I don't want her to go through what I went 各位别急，这不算约会。我们不过是出去
through with Carl- oh! 吃晚餐，而且不做爱。
Monica: Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It's just 听起来好像是说我的约会。
two people going out to dinner and- not having sex.
Chandler: Sounds like a date to me. 记得中学时代的梦，我站在自助餐厅，
[Time Lapse] 突然发现自己全身赤裸。
Chandler: Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in 我做过那样的梦。
the middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am totally naked. 我低头一看，看见有一支电话……在那
All: Oh, yeah. Had that dream. 儿。
Chandler: Then I look down, and I realize there's a phone... 而不是……？
there. 没错。
Joey: Instead of...? 我没做过那样的梦,没有。
Chandler: That's right.
Joey: Never had that dream.
Phoebe: No. 那支电话突然响起，而我不知道怎么
Chandler: All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. Now I don't 办，每个人都开始望着我。
know what to do, everybody starts looking at me. 他们以前不看你吗？！
Monica: And they weren't looking at you before?! 终于，我认为我应该接，结果是我妈打
Chandler: Finally, I figure I'd better answer it, and it turns 来，我感到很奇怪，因为我妈不曾打过
out it's my mother, which is very-very weird, because- she never 电话给我！
calls me! 嗨。
[Time Lapse, Ross has entered.] 这家伙向我打招呼时我就想自杀。
Ross: (mortified) Hi. 你还好吧？
Joey: This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself. 我感觉有人把手伸入我的喉咙，抓起我
Monica: Are you okay, sweetie? 的肠子，从我的口中取出，然后绑在我
Ross: I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my 脖上……
small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my 饼干？
neck... 卡罗今天把她的东西搬走了。
Chandler: Cookie? - 我帮你泡杯咖啡，
Monica: (explaining to the others) Carol moved her stuff out 谢了。
today. 不要……别清理我的灵气。可是……别碰
Joey: Ohh. 我的灵气就是了。
Monica: (to Ross) Let me get you some coffee. 好吧，保持晦气！
Ross: Thanks. 我会没事的，真的，我祝她幸福。
Phoebe: Ooh! Oh! (She starts to pluck at the air just in front of - 不，你不会的，没错，
Ross.) - 我不会的，去她的，她甩掉我！
Ross: No, no don't! Stop cleansing my aura! No, just leave my 而且你一直都不知道她是女同性恋者。
aura alone, okay? 没有！！行了吧？！为何大家都围着这
Phoebe: Fine! Be murky! 个话题打转？连她不知道，我怎会知道。
Ross: I'll be fine, alright? Really, everyone. I hope she'll be
very happy. 有时真希望自己也是个女同志。我刚刚大
Monica: No you don't. 声说出来了吗？
Ross: No I don't, to hell with her, she left me! 昨晚我告诉我父母，他们好像还挺好。
Joey: And you never knew she was a lesbian... 真的吗，凌晨三点我接到一个电话，一
Ross: No!! Okay?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that? She 个女人歇斯底里的向我哭诉，“我不能
didn't know, how should I know? 抱孙子了，
Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian... (They all stare at 我不能抱孙子了。”那是什么？打错了？
him.) Did I say that out loud? 对不起。
Ross: I told mom and dad last night, they seemed to take it 别闷闷不乐了，罗斯。你现在很痛苦。我
pretty well. 一肚子火,心如刀割。能告诉你解决之道
Monica: Oh really, so that hysterical phone call I got from a 吗？
woman at sobbing 3:00 A.M., "I'll never have grandchildren, I'll 脱衣舞酒店。你单身，有性需求。
never have grandchildren." was what? A wrong number? 我不想单身的。我只想再结婚。
Ross: Sorry.
Joey: Alright Ross, look. You're feeling a lot of pain right now.
You're angry. You're hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is? 我只想要一百万！
(Ross gestures his consent.) - 瑞秋？！
Joey: Strip joint! C'mon, you're single! Have some hormones! - 天啊，莫妮卡，谢天谢地！我到过你
Ross: I don't want to be single, okay? I just... I just- I just 的住处，你不在。有个拿着一根大榔头的
wanna be married again! 人说你可能会在这儿，结果你真的在这
(Rachel enters in a wet wedding dress and starts to search the 儿。
room.)
Chandler: And I just want a million dollars! (He extends his hand 想来杯咖啡吗？
hopefully.) 无咖啡因的。各位，她叫瑞秋，另一位从
Monica: Rachel?! 林肯高中生存下来的人。这位叫钱德勒，
Rachel: Oh God Monica hi! Thank God! I just went to your building 菲比，乔伊。还记得我哥罗斯吗？
and you weren't there and then this guy with a big hammer said 当然。
you might be here and you are, you are! 嗨。
Waitress: Can I get you some coffee?
Monica: (pointing at Rachel) De-caff. (to All) Okay, everybody,
this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. (to Rachel) This 你想现在告诉我们，还是等伴娘来再
is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you 说？
remember my brother Ross? 婚礼前半个小时发生了变数。我在堆放礼
Rachel: Hi, sure! 物的房间里，看着船形卤肉盘，非常漂
Ross: Hi. 亮的船形卤肉盘，突然间……
(They go to hug but Ross's umbrella opens. He sits back down 有没有代糖？我了解船形卤肉盘此巴瑞
defeated again. A moment of silence follows as Rachel sits and 更能引起我的“性趣”，我自己都吓了
the others expect her to explain.) 一跳，
Monica: So you wanna tell us now, or are we waiting for four wet 巴瑞愈看愈像猪头先生。我一直都认为他
bridesmaids? 很眼熟。总之,我必须离开。我开始想，我
Rachel: Oh God... well, it started about a half hour before the 为何这么做？我为谁这样做？于是我不
wedding. I was in the room where we were keeping all the 知该走往何处，我知道你我日渐疏远。但
presents, and I was looking at this gravy boat. This really 是你是我在这个城市，认识的唯一一个
gorgeous Lamauge gravy boat. When all of a sudden- (to the 人。
waitress that brought her coffee) Sweet 'n' Lo?- I realized that
I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry! And then I
got really freaked out, and that's when it hit me: how much Barry 好像是唯一没受邀参加婚礼的人。
looks like Mr. Potato Head. Y'know, I mean, I always knew looked 这件事就甭提啦。
familiar, but... Anyway, I just had to get out of there, and I
started wondering 'Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this
for?'. (to Monica) So anyway I just didn't know where to go, and 我猜他送她一台管风琴，她肯定不喜
I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart, but you're the 欢，
only person I knew who lived here in the city. 金枪鱼还是鸡蛋沙拉？快决定！
Monica: Who wasn't invited to the wedding. 我要拥有克莉丝汀拥有的一切。
Rachel: Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldn't be an issue... 爸，我不能嫁给他……对不起，我只是
[Scene: Monica's Apartment, everyone is there and watching a 不爱他。对，是我的问题！
Spanish Soap on TV and are trying to figure out what is going
on.]
Monica: Now I'm guessing that he bought her the big pipe organ, 如果我没了头发，
and she's really not happy about it. 还不如去死。
Chandler: (imitating the characters) Tuna or egg salad? Decide! 她不该穿那条裤子。
Ross: (in a deep voice) I'll have whatever Christine is having. 我建议推她下楼，
Rachel: (on phone) Daddy, I just... I can't marry him! I'm sorry. 推她下楼！推她下楼！推她下楼！
I just don't love him. Well, it matters to me!
(The scene on TV has changed to show two women, one is holding 爸，你听我说……大家这样评价我这一
her hair.) 辈子：你是一只鞋……今天我倒想看看
Phoebe: If I let go of my hair, my head will fall off. 如果我不再是鞋会怎样。我说如果我想当
Chandler: (re TV) Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants. 皮包呢？
Joey: I say push her down the stairs. 或是帽子呢？不，我不需你帮我买帽子。
Phoebe, Ross, Chandler, and Joey: Push her down the stairs! 我说我是一顶帽子。爸，这是一种比喻。
Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! 你看他也有些问题。
(She is pushed down the stairs and everyone cheers.) 爸，这是我的人生。或许我会和莫妮卡住
Rachel: C'mon Daddy, listen to me! It's like, it's like, all of 在这儿。
my life, everyone has always told me, 'You're a shoe! You're a 我想我们已确定好谁要和莫妮卡住在这
shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!'. And today I just stopped 儿。
and I said, 'What if I don't wanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be 或许那是我的决定。或许我不希罕你的
a- a purse, y'know? Or a- or a hat! No, I'm not saying I want you 钱。
to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a ha- It's a metaphor, Daddy! 等一下，等一下……我说的是或许！！
Ross: You can see where he'd have trouble. 深呼吸，就这样。试着想着美好的事物…
Rachel: Look Daddy, it's my life. Well maybe I'll just stay here …
with Monica. 玫瑰上的雨滴，猫嘴上的胡须，门铃和
雪橇之类的。啦 啦 啦……还有手套……
Monica: Well, I guess we've established who's staying here with
Monica...
Rachel: Well, maybe that's my decision. Well, maybe I don't need 我现在好多了。
your money. Wait!! Wait, I said maybe!! 我的功劳。
[Time Lapse, Rachel is breating into a paper bag.] 或许这样最好，要自立，决定自己的事
Monica: Just breathe, breathe.. that's it. Just try to think of 情。
nice calm things... Phoebe: (sings) Raindrops on roses and
rabbits and kittens, (Rachel and Monica turn to look at her.) 有任何需要找乔伊准没错。我和钱德勒就
bluebells and sleighbells and- something with mittens... La la la 住在对面，而且他经常不在家。
la...something and noodles with string. These are a few... 乔伊,少趁虚而入了，今天是她大喜的日
Rachel: I'm all better now. 子。
Phoebe: (grins and walks to the kitchen and says to Chandler and 什么？有规定不能吗？
Joey.) I helped!
Monica: Okay, look, this is probably for the best, y'know? 别再这样，声音很刺耳。
Independence. Taking control of your life. The whole, 'hat' 我是保罗。
thing. 天啊，6:30了吗？让他进来！
Joey: (comforting her) And hey, you need anything, you can always 保罗是谁？调酒的那个保罗？
come to Joey. Me and Chandler live across the hall. And he's away 或许吧。
a lot. 等等,你今晚该不是真的要和调酒的那个
Monica: Joey, stop hitting on her! It's her wedding day! 保罗约会吧？
Joey: What, like there's a rule or something? 他终于开口约你了？对。
(The door buzzer sounds and Chandler gets it.) 终于被你等到了。
Chandler: Please don't do that again, it's a horrible sound. 瑞秋，等等，我可以取消。
Paul: (over the intercom) It's, uh, it's Paul. 不用了，你去吧，我不会有事的。
Monica: Oh God, is it 6:30? Buzz him in! 罗斯，你没事吧。你要我留下来吗？
Joey: Who's Paul?
Ross: Paul the Wine Guy, Paul? 那样最好……
Monica: Maybe. 真的吗？
Joey: Wait. Your 'not a real date' tonight is with Paul the Wine - 假的，去吧！是保罗，调酒师耶！
Guy? 什么意思？他是卖酒的，喝酒的，还是
Ross: He finally asked you out? 评酒的？
Monica: Yes! 请进！ 保罗，这位是……
Chandler: Ooh, this is a Dear Diary moment. ……各位，各位，他就是保罗。
Monica: Rach, wait, I can cancel... 保罗……调酒大师。
Rachel: Please, no, go, that'd be fine! 抱歉，我没听清楚你名字。保罗，是吗？
Monica: (to Ross) Are, are you okay? I mean, do you want me to
stay? 我马上就好，我去，去……
Ross: (choked voice) That'd be good... 神魂恍惚啦？
Monica: (horrified) Really? 换衣服！请坐，两秒钟。
Ross: (normal voice) No, go on! It's Paul the Wine Guy! 我刚拔掉四根睫毛，不妙。
Phoebe: What does that mean? Does he sell it, drink it, or just 嗨，保罗！
complain a lot? (Chandler doesn't know.) 嗯，有何指教？
(There's a knock on the door and it's Paul.) 一个小秘密，莫妮卡其实就喜欢这样，
Monica: Hi, come in! Paul, this is.. (They are all lined up next 你摩擦她脖子的同一个地方，反反复
to the door.)... everybody, everybody, this is Paul. 复，直到那里开始有点发红。
All: Hey! Paul! Hi! The Wine Guy! Hey! 乔伊你给我闭嘴！
Chandler: I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. Paul, was it? 瑞秋，你打算如何渡过今晚？
Monica: Okay, umm-umm, I'll just--I'll be right back, I just 我应该在前往阿鲁巴渡蜜月的途中，因
gotta go ah, go ah... 此没了！
Ross: A wandering? 我懂，你没去渡蜜月。虽然阿鲁巴在此时
Monica: Change! Okay, sit down. (Shows Paul in) Two seconds. ……有很多……大蜥蜴，如果你今晚不
Phoebe: Ooh, I just pulled out four eyelashes. That can't be 想独处，乔伊和钱德勒要到我那儿帮我
good. 组合新家俱，
(Monica goes to change.) 对，我们都相当兴奋。
Joey: Hey, Paul! 谢谢，但我今晚想待在这儿，我折磨了
Paul: Yeah? 一天。
Joey: Here's a little tip, she really likes it when you rub her 好吧，当然。
neck in the same spot over and over and over again until it 菲此，想帮忙吗？
starts to get a little red. 我可以去，但我不去。
Monica: (yelling from the bedroom) Shut up, Joey!
Ross: So Rachel, what're you, uh... what're you up to tonight?
Rachel: Well, I was kinda supposed to be headed for Aruba on my
honeymoon, so nothing! 爱情似炎炎夏日中的阵雨般美妙，
Ross: Right, you're not even getting your honeymoon, God.. No, love is a wondrous work of art,
no, although, Aruba, this time of year... talk about your- but your love oh your love,your
(thinks) -big lizards... Anyway, if you don't feel like being love...
alone tonight, Joey and Chandler are coming over to help me put is like a giant pigeon...crapping
together my new furniture. on my heart.啦-啦-啦-啦-啦- 谢谢。
Chandler: (deadpan) Yes, and we're very excited about it. 我应该用蜗杆将托架装在侧面，但我没
Rachel: Well actually thanks, but I think I'm just gonna hang out 看见托架和蜗杆，而且，我的脚好麻。
here tonight. It's been kinda a long day.
Ross: Okay, sure.
Joey: Hey Pheebs, you wanna help? 我想我们做好书架了。
Phoebe: Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to. 真漂亮。
Commercial Break 这是什么？
[Scene: The Subway, Phoebe is singing for change.] 我只能说这是个“L”型托架。
Phoebe: (singing) Love is sweet as summer showers, love is a 是哪儿的？
wondrous work of art, but your love oh your love, your love...is 我也不知道。
like a giant pigeon...crapping on my heart. La-la-la-la-la- 书架做好了！终于做好了！
(some guy gives her some change and to that guy) Thank you. 这是卡罗最爱喝的啤酒。
(sings) La-la-la-la...ohhh! 她总是不用杯子喝，我早应该看出蛛丝
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, the guys are there assembling 马迹。
furniture.] 嗨…………
Ross: (squatting and reading the instructions) I'm supposed to 如果你再这样，我们就走了。
attach a brackety thing to the side things, using a bunch of 对啊，请不要破坏这里的乐趣。
these little worm guys. I have no brackety thing, I see no whim 罗斯，我问你一个问题。
guys whatsoever and- I cannot feel my legs. 她分得家俱，音响和好电视。
(Joey and Chandler are finishing assembling the bookcase.) 你分得什么？
Joey: I'm thinking we've got a bookcase here. 你们。
Chandler: It's a beautiful thing. 天啊。
Joey: (picking up a leftover part) What's this? 你昏头了吧。
Chandler: I would have to say that is an 'L'-shaped bracket. 嗯，天啊！
Joey: Which goes where? 嗯，天啊。
Chandler: I have no idea. 我知道，我是个大白痴。
(Joey checks that Ross is not looking and dumps it in a plant.) 她每周看四五次牙医时我就该了解，
Joey: Done with the bookcase! 我指牙齿能有多干净？
Chandler: All finished! 我哥正承受着这种痛苦，
Ross: (clutching a beer can and sniffing) This was Carol's 一副失魂落魄的样子。
favorite beer. She always drank it out of the can, I should have 你是怎么熬过来的？
known. 你可以不小心砸烂她贵着的东西，如她
Joey: Hey-hey-hey-hey, if you're gonna start with that stuff 的……
we're outta here. 她的……
Chandler: Yes, please don't spoil all this fun. ……腿？
Joey: Ross, let me ask you a question. She got the furniture, the 这样也不赖！我……
stereo, the good TV- what did you get? 我砸烂了她的表。
Ross: You guys. 你真的砸烂过她的表？
Chandler: Oh, God. 哇！我做过的最坏的事情是，
Joey: You got screwed. 我撕碎了男朋友最喜欢的浴巾。
Chandler: Oh my God! 嗯,机智脱身。
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are eating.] 对啊。
Monica: Oh my God! 巴瑞，真是对不起。
Paul: I know, I know, I'm such an idiot. I guess I should have 你一定认为此事与我那次说的话有关，
caught on when she started going to the dentist four and five 关于你做爱时，
times a week. I mean, how clean can teeth get? 穿着袜子，
Monica: My brother's going through that right now, he's such a 其实不是，
mess. How did you get through it? 问题出在我身上，我……
Paul: Well, you might try accidentally breaking something 答录机又把我挂断了。
valuable of hers, say her- 不管怎样……瞧瞧，瞧瞧，
Monica: -leg? 我知道某个女孩会不可思议的，
Paul: (laughing) That's one way! Me, I- I went for the watch. 成为凡可•巴瑞太太，
Monica: You actually broke her watch? Wow! The worst thing I 但那不是我，不是我。
ever did was, I-I shredded by boyfriend's favorite bath towel. 而我现在连我自己是谁都不知道，
Paul: Ooh, steer clear of you. 但你还应该给我一个机会向你……
Monica: That's right. [Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is 我离婚啦！
talking on the phone and pacing.] 我才26岁就离婚啦！
Rachel: Barry, I'm sorry... I am so sorry... I know you probably 闭嘴！
think that this is all about what I said the other day about you 你还是停下来吧！
making love with your socks on, but it isn't... it isn't, it's 我才花了一小时。
about me, and I ju- (She stops talking and dials the phone.) Hi, 看啊，罗斯，你应该理解，
machine cut me off again... anyway...look, look, I know that some 我们认识不是太久，
girl is going to be incredibly lucky to become Mrs. Barry Finkel, 但你和一个女人相爱已经四年了，
but it isn't me, it's not me. And not that I have any idea who 四年的封闭和分享，
me is right now, but you just have to give me a chance too... 最后她把你的心都麻醉了，
(The maching cuts her off again and she redials.) 这就是我们为什么不这样做！
[Scene: Ross's Apartment; Ross is pacing while Joey and Chandler 这还不是最重要的！
are working on some more furniture.] 你知道最可怕的是什么？
Ross: I'm divorced! I'm only 26 and I'm divorced! 万一每个人一生只有一个女人怎么办？
Joey: Shut up! 我的意思是如果你只有一个女人时该怎
Chandler: You must stop! (Chandler hits what he is working on 么办？
with a hammer and it collapses.) 不幸地我唯一的女人爱的是……她
Ross: That only took me an hour. 你在说什么？一个女人。
Chandler: Look, Ross, you gotta understand, between us we haven't 那就像在说你只能吃一种口味的冰淇
had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento. You, 淋，
however have had the love of a woman for four years. Four 罗斯，告诉你吧，
years of closeness and sharing at the end of which she ripped 冰淇淋的口种有千百种。
your heart out, and that is why we don't do it! I don't think 有各种点心糖果冰淇淋……
that was my point! 你可以加上小糖条或是核果，
Ross: You know what the scariest part is? What if there's only 或是奶油，
one woman for everybody, y'know? I mean what if you get one 这是你一生中最美好的事。
woman- and that's it? Unfortunately in my case, there was only 你八岁时就结婚了吧？
one woman- for her... 欢迎来到世界！ 抓住勺子！
Joey: What are you talking about? 'One woman'? That's like saying 我真的不知道自己是饥渴还是欲火焚
there's only one flavor of ice cream for you. Lemme tell you 身？
something, Ross. There's lots of flavors out there. There's Rocky 那么就别碰我家的冰箱。
Road, and Cookie Dough, and Bing! Cherry Vanilla. You could get 自从她甩掉我之后我，
'em with Jimmies, or nuts, or whipped cream! This is the best 什么？…………
thing that ever happened to you! You got married, you were, like, 什么，你打算边嚼面条边讲？
what, eight? Welcome back to the world! Grab a spoon! 不，这就像是”第五次约会真情告白”
Ross: I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny. 有第五次约会？
Chandler: Stay out of my freezer! [Scene: A Restaurant, Monica 不需要吗？
and Paul are still eating.] 需要，我想需要的。
Paul: Ever since she walked out on me, I, uh... 你刚才想说什么？
Monica: What?..... What, you wanna spell it out with noodles? 这个……呃……
Paul: No, it's, it's more of a fifth date kinda revelation. 自从她离开后，
Monica: Oh, so there is gonna be a fifth date? 我就一直无法……没做过……
Paul: Isn't there? ……性方面的……
Monica: Yeah... yeah, I think there is. -What were you gonna say? 天啊,天啊,对不起,对不起。
Paul: Well, ever-ev-... ever since she left me, um, I haven't 没关系……
been able to, uh, perform. (Monica takes a sip of her 你现在需要的应该不是让人吐口水吧。
drink.) ...Sexually. 多久了？
Monica: (spitting out her drink in shock) Oh God, oh God, I am 两年了。
sorry... I am so sorry... 哇！真高兴你砸烂了她的表！
Paul: It's okay... 你还想要第五次约会？
Monica: I know being spit on is probably not what you need right ……当然想。
now. Um... how long? 我们今天来这里参加
Paul: Two years. 乔安妮•路易丝•坎宁安和查尔斯•
Monica: Wow! I'm-I'm-I'm glad you smashed her watch! 恰棋-恰棋-恰棋•阿可勒的神圣婚礼。
Paul: So you still think you, um... might want that fifth date? 喔……看……乔安妮爱的是恰棋。
Monica: (pause)...Yeah. Yeah, I do. 差别就在这儿！
[Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is watching Joanne Loves 抓住勺子。
Chaci.] 知道我等着“抓这把勺子”等了多久
Priest on TV: We are gathered here today to join Joanne Louise 吗？
Cunningham and Charles, Chachi-Chachi-Chachi, Arcola in the bound 你对”此尔，别逞英雄”这句话有感觉
of holy matrimony. 吗？
Rachel: Oh...see... but Joanne loved Chachi! That's the 非常对不起！
difference! 但我要走了，
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, they're all sitting around and 我有个约会，和
talking.] 安德里亚……安吉拉……安德里亚……
Ross: (scornful) Grab a spoon. Do you know how long it's been 嗨，
since I've grabbed a spoon? Do the words 'Billy, don't be a hero' 安吉拉喜欢尖叫，安德里亚养猫。
mean anything to you? 对。谢谢。六月份了。我走了。
Joey: Great story! But, I uh, I gotta go, I got a date with 是这样的。
Andrea--Angela--Andrea... Oh man, (looks to Chandler) 就算我鼓起勇气约女人出去，
Chandler: Angela's the screamer, Andrea has cats. 但我要约谁呀？
Joey: Right. Thanks. It's June. I'm outta here. (Exits.) 神奇吧？我这辈子从没泡过咖啡。
Ross: Y'know, here's the thing. Even if I could get it together 真神奇。
enough to- to ask a woman out,... who am I gonna ask? (He gazes 恭喜了。
out of the window.) 你看，我觉得只要我会泡咖啡，
[Cut to Rachel staring out of her window.] 就没有什么不行。
Commercial Break 如果能侵入波兰，
[Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is making coffee for Joey and 就能征服一切。
Chandler.] 如果你兴致大发想做蛋饼，
Rachel: Isn't this amazing? I mean, I have never made coffee 老实说我不太饿……
before in my entire life. 好啊，Lenny和Squigy来啦。
Chandler: That is amazing. 早安。早安。
Joey: Congratulations. 早安。
Rachel: Y'know, I figure if I can make coffee, there isn't 早安,保罗。
anything I can't do. 你好,保罗。
Chandler: If can invade Poland, there isn't anything I can't do. 嗨,保罗,是吗？？
Joey: Listen, while you're on a roll, if you feel like you gotta 谢谢你！太谢谢你了！
make like a Western omelet or something... (Joey and Chandler 好了！
taste the coffee, grimace, and pour it into a plant pot.) 不行，我要告诉你昨晚就像
Although actually I'm really not that hungry... 我所有的生日，毕业典礼，
Monica: (entering, to herself) Oh good, Lenny and Squigy are 和谷仓收获季节加在一起一样。
here. 晚点打电话。
All: Morning. Good morning. 好。谢谢。
Paul: (entering from Monica's room) Morning. 那还不叫约会？！
Joey: Morning, Paul. 那你真正的约会到底干些什么？
Rachel: Hello, Paul. 闭嘴,把桌子抬回去。
Chandler: Hi, Paul, is it? 好吧！
(Monica and Paul walk to the door and talk in a low voice so the 孩子们，我要上班去了。
others can't hear. The others move Monica's table closer to the 如果我不输入那些数字……
door so that they can.) 也没什么关系……
Paul: Thank you! Thank you so much! 你们大伙儿都有工作？
Monica: Stop! 对，我们都有工作。
Paul: No, I'm telling you last night was like umm, all my 这样才有钱买东西。
birthdays, both graduations, plus the barn raising scene in 对，我是个演员。
Witness. 我见过你吗？？
Monica: We'll talk later. 大概没见过吧。
Paul: Yeah. (They kiss) Thank you. (Exits) 我大部份都是在地区性的节目中演出。
Joey: That wasn't a real date?! What the hell do you do on a real 等等，除非你看过小木偶的重播。
date? 这也算是工作吧？
Monica: Shut up, and put my table back. 瞧，盖佩多，我是个活生生的小男孩。
All: Okayyy! (They do so.) 我不会理睬这种羞辱。
Chandler: All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don't input 你说得对,抱歉。
those numbers,... it doesn't make much of a difference... 我曾是个小木偶……小木偶……
Rachel: So, like, you guys all have jobs? 告诉你们，他死定了。
Monica: Yeah, we all have jobs. See, that's how we buy stuff. 嗨，钱德勒？
Joey: Yeah, I'm an actor. 今天感觉如何？
Rachel: Wow! Would I have seen you in anything? 睡得还好吧？和巴瑞通过电话吗？
Joey: I doubt it. Mostly regional work. 我无法停止笑。
Monica: Oh wait, wait, unless you happened to catch the Reruns' 我看得出来。
production of Pinocchio, at the little theater in the park. 你这样子像是昨晚口中含着衣架睡觉。
Joey: Look, it was a job all right? 我知道，他是那么……
Chandler: 'Look, Gippetto, I'm a real live boy.' 还记得你和东尼戴马克？
Joey: I will not take this abuse. (Walks to the door and opens it 记得。
to leave.) 就像那样。那样感觉。
Chandler: You're right, I'm sorry. (Burst into song and dances 你惹上麻烦了。
out of the door.) "Once I was a wooden boy, a little wooden 大麻烦！
boy..." 需要婚纱吗？几乎没用过的。
Joey: You should both know, that he's a dead man. Oh, Chandler? 我想我们有点不知所以了。
(Starts after Chandler.) Monica: So how you doing today? Did you 我要清醒，去工作。
sleep okay? Talk to Barry? I can't stop smiling. 整天都不想他，
Rachel: I can see that. You look like you slept with a hanger in 或者只是清醒然后去工作。
your mouth. - 祝我幸运！
Monica: I know, he's just so, so... Do you remember you and Tony 为什么？
DeMarco? 我要去找工作。
Rachel: Oh, yeah. 嗨，莫妮卡！
Monica: Well, it's like that. With feelings. 法兰妮，欢迎回来！
Rachel: Oh wow. Are you in trouble. 佛罗里达如何？
Monica: Big time! 你们上床了，对不？
Rachel: Want a wedding dress? Hardly used. 你怎么看出来的？
Monica: I think we are getting a little ahead of selves here. 哦，我恨你，我推着我的洛兹阿姨经过
Okay. Okay. I am just going to get up, go to work and not think 帕罗丛林，
about him all day. Or else I'm just gonna get up and go to work. 你却在做爱！
Rachel: Oh, look, wish me luck! 和谁呀？
Monica: What for? 认识保罗吗？
Rachel: I'm gonna go get one of those (Thinks) job things. 保罗，那个调酒的？
(Monica exits.) 对，我认识保罗。
[Scene: Iridium, Monica is working as Frannie enters.] 你认识保罗像我认识他一样？
Frannie: Hey, Monica! 爱说笑，
Monica: Hey Frannie, welcome back! How was Florida? 他还得谢我呢。
Frannie: You had sex, didn't you? 遇到我之前他已有两年无法入道。
Monica: How do you do that? 显然他是骗你的！
Frannie: Oh, I hate you, I'm pushing my Aunt Roz through Parrot 为什么？
Jungle and you're having sex! So? Who? 为什么会有人那样做？
Monica: You know Paul? 我想答案比
Frannie: Paul the Wine Guy? Oh yeah, I know Paul. ”设法骗你上床”更复杂。
Monica: You mean you know Paul like I know Paul? 我恨男人！我恨男人！
Frannie: Are you kidding? I take credit for Paul. Y'know before 不，别恨，你也不想把他们丢出宇宙吧。
me, there was no snap in his turtle for two years. 问题出在我身上？
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Rachel is there.] 难道我有特殊气味。
Joey: (sitting on the arm of the couch)Of course it was a line! 只有狗和感情有严着问题的男人才闻得
Monica: Why?! Why? Why, why would anybody do something like that? 到。
Ross: I assume we're looking for an answer more sophisticated 过来，脚给我。
than 'to get you into bed'. 我以为他是个好男人。
Monica: I hate men! I hate men! 我无法相信你不懂这是骗局。
Phoebe: Oh no, don't hate, you don't want to put that out into 猜猜看？
the universe. 你找到工作了？
Monica: Is it me? Is it like I have some sort of beacon that only 开玩笑？ 我书都白念了！
dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear? 今天的十二个面试全泡汤了。
Phoebe: All right, c'mere, gimme your feet. (She starts massaging 不过你却异常兴奋。
them.) 换成是你，你也会一样。
Monica: I just thought he was nice, y'know? 如果你遇见John and David的皮靴打五
Joey: (bursts out laughing again) I can't believe you didn't know 折。
it was a line! 你真是太了解我了。
(Monica pushes him off of the sofa as Rachel enters with a 这是我的新皮靴，
shopping bag.) 我不需要工作，不需要父母，
Rachel: Guess what? 因为我有新皮靴！
Ross: You got a job? 你怎么付钱？
Rachel: Are you kidding? I'm trained for nothing! I was laughed 信用卡啊。
out of twelve interviews today. 卡费谁费？
Chandler: And yet you're surprisingly upbeat. 我爸。
Rachel: You would be too if you found John and David boots on 天啊，好啦，有必要吗？
sale, fifty percent off! 我是说，我可以随时忍住挥霍的。
Chandler: Oh, how well you know me... 成熟点，你不能靠你爸一辈子。
Rachel: They're my new 'I don't need a job, I don't need my 我知道，所以我选择结婚。
parents, I've got great boots' boots! 饶了她吧，第一次独立并不轻松。
Monica: How'd you pay for them? 谢谢。
Rachel: Uh, credit card. 不客气。我记得我第一次来到纽约时的情
Monica: And who pays for that? 况，
Rachel: Um... my... father. 当时我十四岁，我妈刚自杀，
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is sitting around the 我继父再度入狱，
kitchen table. Rachel's credit cards are spread out on the 我在这儿人生地不熟。
table along with a pair of scissors.] 最后我和患白化症的男人同居。
Rachel: Oh God, come on you guys, is this really necessary? I 他为港务局的人清洗车窗。
mean, I can stop charging anytime I want. 后来他自杀了。
Monica: C'mon, you can't live off your parents your whole life. 然后我找到芳香按摩治疗的工作。
Rachel: I know that. That's why I was getting married. 所以请相信我你的心情我能体会。
Phoebe: Give her a break, it's hard being on your own for the 你需要的是，
first time. “无论如何”……
Rachel: Thank you. 好的，准备好了吗？
Phoebe: You're welcome. I remember when I first came to this 不。不，不，我没准备好！
city. I was fourteen. My mom had just killed herself and my step- 我怎么会准备好呢？
dad was back in prison, and I got here, and I didn't know 嗨，瑞秋！你准备好不用降落伞跳出飞
anybody. And I ended up living with this albino guy who was, 机吗？
like, cleaning windshields outside port authority, and then he 不行，我不行！
killed himself, and then I found aromatherapy. So believe me, I 你能行的, 我知道你能行！
know exactly how you feel. 我不觉得.
(Pause) 来吧，你会泡咖啡！
Ross: The word you're looking for is 'Anyway'... 你就什么都可以！
Monica: All right, you ready? 来，剪，剪，剪，剪……
Rachel: No. No, no, I'm not ready! How can I be ready? 你们知道吗？
"Hey, Rach! You ready to jump out the airplane without your 我认为我们可以把它们留在那里。
parachute?" Come on, I can't do this! 只做个象征性的姿势就可以了。
Monica: You can, I know you can! 瑞秋！ 那是借书卡！
Rachel: I don't think so. 剪，剪，剪，剪，剪，剪，剪……
Ross: Come on, you made coffee! You can do anything! (Chandler 知道吗，如果你们仔细听，
slowly tries to hide the now dead plant from that morning when he 你们会听到上千的商家在尖叫。
and Joey poured their coffee into it.) 欢迎来到现实的世界。
Ross: C'mon, cut. Cut, cut, cut,... 糟透了，但你会喜欢的！
All: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut... (She cuts one of them 好，就到这。
and they cheer.) 你要睡在沙发上吗？
Rachel: Y'know what? I think we can just leave it at that. 不，我要回家。
It's kinda like a symbolic gesture... 你没事吧？
Monica: Rachel! That was a library card! 还好。
All: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut.. 嗨，看我在地板上发现什么？
Chandler: (as Rachel is cutting up her cards) Y'know, if you 什么？
listen closely, you can hear a thousand retailers scream. 那是保罗的手表。
(She finishes cutting them up and they all cheer.) 放回原地就好了。
Monica: Welcome to the real world! It sucks. You're gonna love 好。晚安,各位。
it! 晚安。
[Time Lapse, Rachel and Ross are watching a TV channel finishes 嗯……
it's broadcast day by playing the national anthem.] 对不起。- 不，不，不，走开-
Monica: Well, that's it (To Ross) You gonna crash on the couch? 吃吧,我不饿。
Ross: No. No, I gotta go home sometime. 分开？
Monica: You be okay? 行。
Ross: Yeah. 你大概不知道我在高中时，
Rachel: Hey Mon, look what I just found on the floor. (Monica 肯定能迷死你。
smiles.) What? 我知道。
Monica: That's Paul's watch. You just put it back where you found 你知道？ 哦……
it. Oh boy. Alright. Goodnight, everybody. 我总想你认为我不过是莫妮卡的书呆子
Ross and Rachel: Goodnight. 哥哥。
(Monica stomps on Paul's watch and goes into her room.) 没错。
Ross: Mmm. (They both reach for the last cookie) Oh, no- 你是否认为如果抛开其他不好的因素，
Rachel: Sorry- 我能偶尔约你出去吗？有时？有可能？
Ross: No no no, go- 好，或许吧……
Rachel: No, you have it, really, I don't want it- 或许我会的……
Ross: Split it? 晚安。
Rachel: Okay. 晚安。
Ross: Okay. (They split it.) You know you probably didn't know 回头见……
this, but back in high school, I had a, um, major crush on you. 等等，你怎么了？
Rachel: I knew. 我刚“抓住了勺子”！
Ross: You did! Oh.... I always figured you just thought I was 我真不敢相信我的耳朵。
Monica's geeky older brother. 我真不敢相信我的耳朵。
Rachel: I did. 我说你有一个……
Ross: Oh. Listen, do you think- and try not to let my intense 我说你有一个……
vulnerability become any kind of a factor here- but do you think 你有完没完？
it would be okay if I asked you out? Sometime? Maybe? 我的老毛病又犯了？
Rachel: Yeah, maybe... 没错！
Ross: Okay... okay, maybe I will... 我是说你有一个不错的屁股，
Rachel: Goodnight. 但不是个了不起的屁股。
Ross: Goodnight. 它又没跳起来咬过你，你怎么知道不是
(Rachel goes into her room and Monica enters the living room as 了不起。
Ross is leaving.) 只是想象。
Monica: See ya.... Waitwait, what's with you? 谁要喝咖啡？
Ross: I just grabbed a spoon. (Ross exits and Monica has no idea 你煮的还只是端过来而已？
what that means.) 端来而已。
Closing Credits 好,好,给我来杯咖啡。
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.] 孩子们，新梦……
Joey: I can't believe what I'm hearing here. 我在拉斯维加斯。
Phoebe: (sings) I can't believe what I'm hearing here... 嗨，小姐？加点咖啡？
Monica: What? I-I said you had a- 嗯，劳驾，请递给那个人？
Phoebe: (sings) What I said you had... 去啊。
Monica: (to Phoebe) Would you stop? 谢谢。
Phoebe: Oh, was I doing it again? 对不起。好，拉斯维加斯。
All: Yes! 我在拉斯维加斯……
Monica: I said that you had a nice butt, it's just not a great 我是丽莎明妮莉……
butt.
Joey: Oh, you wouldn't know a great butt if it came up and bit
ya.
Ross: There's an image.
Rachel: (walks up with a pot of coffee) Would anybody like more
coffee?
Chandler: Did you make it, or are you just serving it?
Rachel: I'm just serving it.
All: Yeah. Yeah, I'll have a cup of coffee.
Chandler: Kids, new dream... I'm in Las Vegas. (Rachel sits down
to hear Chandler's dream.)
Customer: (To Rachel) Ahh, miss? More coffee?
Rachel: Ugh. (To another customer that's leaving.) Excuse me,
could you give this to that guy over there? (Hands him the coffee
pot.) Go ahead. (He does so.) Thank you. (To the gang.) Sorry.
Okay, Las Vegas.
Chandler: Okay, so, I'm in Las Vegas... I'm Liza Minelli-
End

102 The One With the Sonogram at the End

102 The One With the Sonogram at the End 102 参加助产训练班

你们男生不懂亲吻对女生的重要性
[Scene Central Perk, everyone's there.] 没错，当真?
Monica: What you guys don't understand is, for us, kissing is as 当真.
important as any part of it. 你想了解的一切全在初吻之中
Joey: Yeah, right!.......Y'serious? 没错
Phoebe: Oh, yeah! 对我们而言亲吻就像是开场，就像佛洛
Rachel: Everything you need to know is in that first kiss. 伊飞船出场前，你得耐着性子先看完脱
Monica: Absolutely. 口秀
Chandler: Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an 对，我们并非讨厌脱口秀，但那不是我
opening act, y'know? I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you 们买票的原因
have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out. 问题出在于演唱会结束后，不论表演有
Ross: Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian, 多精采，你们女生总还想再看脱口秀，
it's that-that... that's not why we bought the ticket. 我们在车上奋力杀出车阵，只是拼命让
Chandler: The problem is, though, after the concert's over, no 自己别睡着
matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for 是哦?给你一个建议。叫脱口秀主持人再
the comedian again, y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're 度上场，否则下次，你们只能坐家里听
fighting traffic... basically just trying to stay awake. 唱片
Rachel: Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. 我们还在谈论性吗?
Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, 不，这样很好，只是她看起来是不是有
listening to that album alone. 点生气吗?
Joey: (pause)....Are we still talking about sex? 她有麻烦事.
Opening Credits 她有吗?
[Scene: Museum of Prehistoric History, Ross and a co-worker 他在外头乱搞女人，而她却待家里，设
(Marsha) are setting up an exhibit which includes some mannequins 法去除地毯上乳齿象的味道
of cave people.] 玛莎，他们是穴居人，他们关心的问题
Ross: No, it's good, it is good, it's just that- mm- doesn't she 是冰河愈来愈接近了，懂吗?
seem a little angry? 谈到问题,那不是你前妻吗?
Marsha: Well, she has issues. 我的?不是
Ross: Does she？ 是的,她是.嘿,你好
Marsha: He's out banging other women over the head with a club, 是的,我到冰河期找你
while she sits at home trying to get the mastodon smell out of 编剧：马卡克夫曼大卫克恩
the carpet!
Ross: Marsha, these are cave people. Okay? They have issues like 你的气色好极了，我讨厌看到这样
'Gee, that glacier's getting kinda close.' See? 抱歉，谢了
Marsha: Speaking of issues, isn't that your ex-wife? 你的气色也很好，在这儿任何直立的人
(Carol, Ross's ex-wife, has entered behind them and is standing …，最近如何?还是…女同志?
outstide the exhibit.) 问问无妨嘛，家庭生活如何?
Ross: (trying to ignore her) No. No. 玛蒂的疑心病还是很重
Marsha: Yes, it is. Carol! Hi! 卡萝，为何来这儿?
Ross: Okay, okay, yes, it is. (waves) How about I'll, uh, catch 我怀孕了
up with you in the Ice Age. 她似乎不急着离开，人和人，让人讨厌
(Marsha extis and Ross waves Carol into the exhibit.) 的就是有误会，他们之间有误会
Ross:Hi. 我看过这一集
Carol: So. 喝完没?
Ross: You look great. I, uh... I hate that. 抱歉,吞下去的时间太慢
Carol: Sorry. You look good too. 这是谁的小纸团?
Ross: Ah, well, in here, anyone who... stands erect... So what's 我的，我写给自己一张便条，后来觉得
new? Still, uh... 自己不需要，于是将它揉成纸团，我不
Carol: A lesbian? 想活了
Ross: Well... you never know. How's, um.. how's the family? 她已经拍松过那个枕头，摩妮卡，你已
Carol: Marty's still totally paranoid. Oh, and, uh- 经拍过了枕头了?
Ross: Why- why are you here, Carol? 抱歉，各位，我只是不想，让他们有藉
Carol: I'm pregnant. 题发挥的机会
Ross: Pregnant?! 没错，我们都知道，父母对孩子的枕头
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica 要求有多苛刻。
are watching Three's Company.] 摩妮卡…，你吓到我了，你慌慌张张
Chandler: Oh, I think this is the episode of Three's Company 的，而且显得不是很好
where there's some kind of misunderstanding. 冷静,你没见过每次他们来时，罗斯有慌
Phoebe:...Then I've already seen this one! (Turns off the TV.) 张的样子
Monica: (taking a drink from Joey) Are you through with that? 因为在我爸妈心目中，罗斯不可能犯
Joey: Yeah, sorry, the swallowing slowed me down. 错，他是个王子，显然，他们在我出生
Monica: Whose little ball of paper is this?! 前有个大型仪式。 什么?
Chandler: Oh, uh, that would be mine. See, I wrote a note to 丑陋裸男有个”美腿器”
myself, and then I realised I didn't need it, so I balled it up 有人看见我的订婚戒指吗?
and... (sees that Monica is glaring at him) ...now I wish I was 有，很漂亮。糟了•，．
dead. 嘿,不要动它们
(Monica starts to fluff a pillow.) 明天就要还他戒指，我似乎还不够担心。
Phoebe: She's already fluffed that pillow... Monica, you know, 巴瑞，记得我吗?，我是那个穿白纱，让
you've already fluffed that- (Monica glares at her.) -but, it's 你在亲友面前出糗的人，天啊，如今我
fine! 必须还他戒指，戒指不见了，叫我如何
Monica: Look , I'm sorry, guys, I just don't wanna give them any 面对他？
more ammunition than they already have. 别急，我们会找到的，对不?
Chandler: Yes, and we all know how cruel a parent can be about 是呀,我们会的.
the flatness of a child's pillow. 最后一次戴是在什么时候?
Phoebe: Monica- Hi! Um, Monica, you're scaring me. I mean, you're ”孩仔”，大概是在遗失之前
like, you're like all chaotic and twirly. And not-not in a good 这年头说”孩仔”的人不多
way. 我今天早上还戴它，我在厨房戴着做…
Joey: Yeah, calm down. You don't see Ross getting all chaotic and 面条？
twirly every time they come. 别生气
Monica: That's because as far as my parents are concerned, Ross 对不起
can do no wrong. Y'see, he's the Prince. Apparently they had some 我就让你做了这么一件事情
big ceremony before I was born. 你看面条现在变得多直
Chandler: (looking out the window) Ew, ew, ew, ew ew ew ew ew! 摩妮卡，在千层面中找订婚戒指不是那
Monica: What? 样找
Chandler: Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster! 我办不到
All: Eeaagh! 我们很高兴做.
(Rachel enters from her room.) 语气并不开心
Rachel: Has anybody seen my engagement ring? 卡萝怀孕了
Phoebe: Yeah, it's beautiful. 我找到了
Rachel: Oh God, oh God, oh God oh God oh God oh God.... (Starts 什,什,什么?
to look under the couch cushions.) 你再持续两小时，就会变成我这样
Phoebe: No, look, don't touch that! 如此一来，枕头的事就可先拦在一旁?
Rachel: Oh, like I wasn't dreading tomorrow enough, having to 你现在要怎么办?
give it back to him... 'Hi Barry! Remember me? I'm the girl in 卡萝说她和苏珊想让我加入，但是对这
the veil who stomped on your heart in front of your entire 件事我不太感到舒服,我不想卷进去.一
family!' Oh God and now I'm gonna have to return the ring, 切由我做决定
without the ring, which makes it so much harder... 她人好好，我真想念她
Monica: Easy Rach, we'll find it. (To all) Won't we! 她所谓的”加入”代表什么?
Chandler and Joey: Oh! Yeah! 我猜,你大部分的工作已经结束了
Joey: Alright, when'd'ya have it on last? 总之，她们要我和她们去做超音波检查
Phoebe: Doy! Probably right before she lost it! 你打算怎么做?
Chandler: You don't get a lot of 'doy' these days... 我也不知道，不管我怎么做我还是孩子
Rachel: I know I had it this morning, and I know I had it when I 的爹
was in the kitchen with... 面已经被搅乱了，不是吗?
Chandler: ...Dinah?
Rachel: (looks at the lasagne and realizes something) Ohhhhh, 玛莎路金的女儿会打电话给你
don't be mad... 怎么会有咖哩味?
Monica: You didn't. 因为有放咖哩
Rachel: Oh, I am sorry... 这东西很好吃，真的
Monica: I gave you one job! (Starts to examin the lasagne through 你还记得路金一家人?他们的大女儿喜欢
the bottom of the glass pan.) 你，对不?
Rachel: Oh, but look how straight those noodles are! 他们家的女儿都喜欢他
Chandler: Now, Monica, you know that's not how you look for an 不要这样,妈妈
engagement ring in a lasagne... 抱歉，她为何要打电话给我?
Monica: (puts down the lasagne) I just... can't do it. 她刚毕业，想找份烹饪的工作吧，我告
Chandler: Boys? We're going in. 诉她你开了一家餐馆
(Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe start to pick through the lasagne as 不，妈，我没开餐馆，我在餐厅工作
there's a knock on the door which Monica answers.) 他们不需要知道
Ross: (standing outside the door).....Hi. 罗斯，能帮我做义大利面吗?
Monica: Wow. That is not a happy hi. 我们吃义大利面呀?太简单了
Ross: Carol's pregnant. 我知道这样要求过于自私，你能不能和
Phoebe: (while everyone else is stunned) Ooh! I found it! 他们说一下小孩/女同性恋之类的事?因
Monica: W-w-wh-... wha-... w-w-w-... 为这样可以让我喘口气
Ross: Yeah. Do that for another two hours, you might be where I 瑞秋到底怎么了?，我们在俱乐部遇见她
am right about now. (He enters.) 父母，他们很不开心
Chandler: Kinda puts that whole pillow thing in perspective, huh, 我不想讲他们为此婚礼花了些什么，但
Mon? 是4万块不是个小数目?
Rachel: Well now, how-how do you fit into this whole thing? 至少她有机会把一个男人留在教堂里的
Ross: Well, Carol says she and Susan want me to be involved, but 圣坛
if I'm not comfortable with it, I don't have to be involved 什么意思?
basically it's entirely up to me. 没什么，随便说说
Phoebe: She is so great! I miss her. 不，不是的，别听你妈乱讲话，你一直
Monica: What does she mean by 'involved'? 都很独立，就连你小时候，胖嘟嘟的一
Chandler: I mean presumably, the biggest part of your job is 个朋友也没有，你还是活得好好的，你
done. 会待在你房里看书玩拼图
Ross: Anyway, they want me to go down to this- sonogram thing 而像罗斯这种人则追求卓越，博物馆，
with them tomorrow. 发表论文…，其他人则安于现状告诉
Rachel: So what are you gonna do? 你，这种人不会得癌症
Ross: I have no idea. No matter what I do, though, I'm still 我还知道，这些女人想拥有一切，幸好
gonna be a father. 我们家的小摩妮卡似乎没有这种问题
(Joey starts to eat the rest of the lasagne and everyone turns 罗斯，你呢?最近有什么新闻八卦之类可
and stares at him.) 以和老爸老妈分享的
Joey: .....Well, this is still ruined, right? 好吧，我知道你们想了解我和卡萝之间
[Scene, Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Ross are pouring wine for 倒底怎么了，事情是这样的，卡萝是个
their parents.] 女同志，她和一个名字苏珊的女人同
Mrs. Geller: Oh, Martha Ludwin's daughter is gonna call you. 居，她怀了我的孩子，并打算和苏珊共
(Tastes a snack) Mmm! What's that curry taste? 同抚养他
Monica: Curry. 这些你全都知道?
Mrs. Geller: Mmmm! 你的状况真的很糟糕吗?
Ross: I- I think they're great! I, I really do. 你要知道这些人十分专业,他们会躲在那
Mr. Geller: (To Ross) Do you remember the Ludwins? The big one 里
had a thing for you, didn't she? 再来个突然袭击
Mrs. Geller: They all had a thing for him. 常言道：父母是无法交换的，如果可
Ross: Aw, Mom... 以，我要你的父母
Monica: I'm sorry, why is this girl going to call me? 我要去尿尿了
Mrs. Geller: Oh, she just graduated, and she wants to be 如果你是双胞胎，情况会更惨
something in cooking, or food, or.... I don't know. Anyway, I 你是双胞胎?
told her you had a restaurant- 对,我们不往来。她是一心追求事业的人
Monica: No Mom, I don't have a restaurant, I work in a 她从事什么工作?
restaurant. 服务生
Mrs. Geller: Well, they don't have to know that... (She starts to 各位，我得打扫了
fluff the same pillow Monica fluffed multiple times earlier.) 钱德，你是独子?你没有这些困扰?
Monica: Ross, could you come and help me with the spaghetti, 没有。尽管我有个想像中的朋友，而我爸
please? 妈比较喜欢他
Ross: Yeah. (They go to the kitchen.) 帮我关灯
Mrs. Geller: Oh, we're having spaghetti! That's.... easy. 我在里面多久了?
只是我要打扫了
Monica: I know this is going to sound unbelievably selfish, but, 需要帮忙吗?
were you planning on bringing up the whole baby/lesbian thing? 好呀，谢了
Because I think it might take some of the heat off me. 明天要见巴瑞，紧张吗?
[Time Lapse, everyone is now eating.] 有一点
Mrs. Geller: What that Rachel did to her life.... We ran into her 很紧张
parents at the club, they were not playing very well. 有任何建言吗?就一个最近刚被甩的人而
Mr. Geller: I'm not gonna tell you what they spent on that 言,你应该避免用”甩”这个字眼,现在
wedding... but forty thousand dollars is a lot of money! 他可能痛不欲生,因此你不该显得艳光照
人.我知道这一点很难做到.这样吧，我
拿戒指还巴瑞,你陪卡萝及苏珊去做检查
Mrs. Geller: Well, at least she had the chance to leave a man at 你明天得见卡萝,此事何时变得这么复
the altar... 杂?
Monica: What's that supposed to mean? 你可问倒我了
Mrs. Geller: Nothing! It's an expression. 还记得我们在高中时代吗? 记得
Monica: No it's not. 你没想过自己会遇见心上人,谈恋爱,然
Mr. Geller: Don't listen to your mother. You're independent, and 后厮守终生吗?罗斯? 什么事?
you always have been! Even when you were a kid... and you were 没想到自己会沦落到这个地步
chubby, and you had no friends, you were just fine! And you would 我也是
read alone in your room, and your puzzles... 抱歉，我迟到了,我忙得无法脱身恐龙之
[Time Lapse.] 类的事
Mr. Geller: Look, there are people like Ross who need to shoot 罗斯，记得苏珊吗?
for the stars, with his museum, and his papers getting published. 我怎能忘得了?
Other people are satisfied with staying where they are- I'm 罗斯
telling you, these are the people who never get cancer. 苏珊,你好,她的手好有力,那么我们在等
[Time Lapse.] …
Mr. Geller: ...And I read about these women trying to have it 欧伯曼大夫
all, and I thank God 'Our Little Harmonica' doesn't seem to have 欧伯曼大夫他•，
that problem. 她
Monica: (trying desperately to change the subject) So, Ross, 她了解我们的特殊状况?
what's going on with you? Any stories? (Digs her elbow into his 了解，而且她非常支持
hand.) No news, no little anecdotes to share with the folks? 这太好了,不,我只是.
Ross: (pulls his hand away) Okay! Okay. (To his parents) Look, I, 谢了
uh- I realise you guys have been wondering what exactly happened 罗斯，
between Carol and me, and, so, well, here's the deal. Carol's a 那是用来打开我的子宫颈的
lesbian. She's living with a woman named Susan. She's pregnant 巴瑞
with my child, and she and Susan are going to raise the baby. 进来
(Stunned silence ensues.) 没问题?
Mrs. Geller: (To Monica) And you knew about this?! 没问题,罗此得待在这儿好几个小时
Commercial Break 最近好吗?
[Scene: Central Park, everyone's there.] 你的气色好极了
Joey: Your folks are really that bad, huh? 法大夫,杰森快没气了
Ross: Well, y'know, these people are pros. They know what they're 马上到
doing, they take their time, they get the job done. 我马上回来
Monica: Boy, I know they say you can't change your parents,... 我甩了他
boy, if you could- (To Ross) -I'd want yours. 哦.
Ross: Must pee. (Goes to pee.) 我们该如何处理此事?比方说某些重大的
Phoebe: Y'know, it's even worse when you're twins. 决定
Rachel: You're twins? 比如?
Phoebe: Yeah. We don't speak. She's like this high-powered, 比方说孩子的名字
driven career type. 马龙
Chandler: What does she do? 如果是个男孩马龙,如果是个女孩就叫米
Phoebe: She's a waitress. 妮
和米奇的女友同名?
Rachel: All right, you guys, I kinda gotta clean up now. (They 和我奶奶同名
all start to leave.) 不管怎样,听到这个还是想到老鼠.朱莉
Monica: Chandler, you're an only child, right? You don't have any 亚如何?
of this. 朱莉亚?
Chandler: Well, no, although I did have an imaginary friend, 我们决定用米妮
who... my parents actually preferred. 真幽默我们曾决定共同生活一辈子,世事
Rachel: The lights, please.. 难料，兵来将挡.茱莉亚，就这么决定
(Joey turns off the lights, and they all leave as Rachel starts 抱歉,近来可好?
to clean up. Ross enters from the bathroom.) 混得过去，我刚找到工作
Ross: ...How long was I in there? 这太好了
Rachel: I'm just cleaning up. 你为何晒得这么黑?
Ross: D'ya.. uh.. Do you need any help? 我到阿鲁巴了
Rachel: Uh.. okay, sure! Thanks! (She hands him the broom and 你自己一个去渡蜜月?
sits down.) 不是,我和… 你也许会很不好受
Ross: Anyway.. um.. (Starts to sweep.) So, you- uh- you nervous 我?
about Barry tomorrow? 不.我和明蒂去了
Rachel: Oh.. a little.. 我的伴娘明蒂?
Ross: Mm-hmm.. 对，我们是认真的
Rachel: A lot. 你去做植发了?
Ross: Mm. 小心，还不固定
Rachel: So, got any advice? Y'know, as someone who's recently 你何时配隐形眼镜的?你不是讨厌将手指
been- dumped? 放进眼睛吗?
Ross: Well, you may wanna steer clear of the word 'dumped'. 还不是为了她. 我真的得感谢你
Chances are he's gonna be this, this broken shell of a man, 一个月前我想伤害你,我从未如此激动
y'know, so you should try not to look too terrific, I know it'll 过,我是个整牙医师
be hard. Or, y'know, uh, hey!, I'll go down there, and I'll give 你说得没错,我以为我们会过得很快乐,
Barry back his ring, and you can go with Carol and Susan to the 我们不快乐.但是和明蒂在一起,现在我
OB/GYN... 很快乐.吐掉
Rachel: Oh, you've got Carol tomorrow.. When did it get so 什么?
complicated? 是和我说
Ross: Got me. 总之，这东西属于你的.谢谢你送我
Rachel: Remember when we were in high school together? 谢谢你送还给我
Ross: Yeah.
Rachel: I mean, didn't you think you were just gonna meet somone, 拜托，海伦有什么不好?
fall in love- and that'd be it? (Ross gazes at her.) ..Ross? 海伦盖勒?不行
Ross: Yes, yes! 她不会叫海伦盖勒的
Rachel: Oh! Man, I never thought I'd be here.. (She leans back 不，我是说她不姓盖勒
onto his hand.) 难道她叫海伦威利克
Ross: Me either... (He pulls up a stool so that he doesn't have 老实说,我们考虑用海伦威利克班奇
to move his hand.) 等等，为何有她的份?
[Scene: Carol's OB/GYN, Carol is waiting.] 因为她也是我的宝宝
Ross: (entering) Sorry I'm late, I was stuck at work. There was 是吗?我不记得女人也会制造精子
this big dinosaur.. thing.. anyway. 我们都知道那是个极大的挑战
(Susan enters holding a drink.) 够了，你们两个，别吵了
Susan: Hi. 不，功劳全让她抢了.我也在场
Carol: Ross, you remember Susan. 罗斯，你该不会想用海伦威利克班奇盖
Ross: How could I forget? 勒吧?因为这有虐待儿童之嫌
Susan: Ross. 当然没有,我想用盖勒威利克班奇
Ross: (they shake hands) Hello, Susan. (To Carol) Good shake. 绝对不行,你看他，没人会叫她全名的.
Good shake. So, uh, we're just waiting for...? 他知道别人只会叫她盖勒,这样他就得逞
Carol: Dr. Oberman. 了
Ross: ..Dr. Oberman. Okay. And is he- 我得逞?你认为这样算我得逞?相信我，
Susan: She. 我没想到自己会沦落到这种地步,我是不
Ross: -she, of course, she- uh- familiar with our.. special 得已的…
situation? 有人在吗?今天如何，想呕吐吗?
Carol: Yes, and she's very supportive. 只是一点点
Ross: Okay, that's great. (Susan gives her drink to Carol.) No, 我只是问准妈妈,很感谢你们的分享.躺
I'm- Oh. 好
Carol: Thanks. 知道吗?我不加入,我认为此时自己无法
Ross: (picks up a surgical instrament and mimes a duck with it) 淌人这浑水
Quack, quack.. 我的天呀
Carol: Ross? That opens my cervix. (He drops it in horror.) 看啊
[Scene Barry's office, Barry is working on patient, Robbie, as 我知道
Rachel enters.] 很神奇吧
Rachel: Barry? 我们该看到什么?
Barry: Come in. 我不知道,可能是攻击企业号(星舰迷航
Rachel: (hesitates) Are you sure? 记)
Barry: Yeah! It's fine, it's fine. Robbie's gonna be here for
hours. 如果你们把头稍微向左偏,两眼放轻松,
Robbie: Huh?! 它样子就像是一个颗老马铃薯
Barry: So, how ya doin? 那么就不要那么干
Rachel: I'm- uh- I'm okay... You look great! 摩妮卡，你认为呢?
Barry: Yeah, well.. 你热泪盈眶?
Bernice: (over intercom) Dr. Farber, Jason Greenstein's gagging. 才没那
Barry: (answering the intercom) Be right there. (To Robbie and 我只是…
Rachel) Be back in a sec. 你有,你热泪盈眶
(As Barry exits Robbie stares at Rachel.) 你就要成为阿姨了
Rachel: I dumped him. 闭嘴
Robbie: Okay. 明蒂，我是瑞秋.我很好，我今天和巴瑞
[Scene: Carol's OB/GYN, they're talking about how this is going 见面了.不，他告诉我了,没关系，真的.
to work.] 对，他告诉我了,我诚心祝福你们幸福快
Ross: So, um- so how's this, uh, how's this gonna work? Y'know, 乐.如果一切顺利，你们结婚生子,希望
with us? Y'know, when, like, important decisions have to be made? 他们有他的发线和你的鼻子.
Carol: Give me a 'for instance'. 我知道这招很贱,但我感觉好棒
Ross: Well, uh, uh, I don't know, okay, okay, how about with the,
uh, with the baby's name?
Carol: Marlon-
Ross: Marlon?!
Carol: -if it's a boy, Minnie if it's a girl.
Ross: ...As in Mouse?
Carol: As in my grandmother.
Ross: Still, you- you say Minnie, you hear Mouse. Um, how about,
um.. how about Julia?
Carol: Julia..
Susan: We agreed on Minnie.
Ross: 'S'funny, um, uh, we agreed we'd spend the rest of our
lives together. Things change, roll with the punches. I believe
Julia's on the table..?
[Scene: Barry's office, Rachel is doing her makeup in the mirror
on Barry's lamp as Barry enters.]
Barry: Sorry about that. So. What have you been up to?
Rachel: Oh, not much. I-I got a job.
Barry: Oh, that's great.
Rachel: Why are- why are you so tanned?
Barry: Oh, I, uh- I went to Aruba.
Rachel: Oh no. You went on our honeymoon alone?
Barry: No. I went with, uh.. Now, this may hurt.
Robbie: Me?!
Barry: No! (To Rachel) I went with Mindy.

Rachel: Mindy?! My maid of honour, Mindy?!

Barry: Yeah, well, uh, we're kind of a thing now.
Rachel: Oh! Well, um.. (Grabs his forehand) You've got plugs!
Barry: Careful! They haven't quite taken yet.

Rachel: And you've got lenses! But you hate sticking your finger
in your eye!
Barry: Not for her. Listen, I really wanted to thank you.
Rachel: Okay..
Barry: See, about a month ago, I wanted to hurt you. More than
I've ever wanted to hurt anyone in my life. And I'm an
orthodontist.
Rachel: Wow.
Barry: You know, you were right? I mean, I thought we were happy.
We weren't happy. But with Mindy, now I'm happy. Spit.

Rachel: What?
Robbie: Me. (Spits.)
Rachel: Anyway, um, (Gets the ring out of her purse.) I guess
this belongs to you. And thank you for giving it to me.
Barry: Well, thank you for giving it back.
(Barry and Rachel look at each other.)
Robbie: Hello?!
[Scene: Carol's OB/GYN, they're still arguing about what to name
the baby.]
Susan: Oh, please! What's wrong with Helen?
Ross: Helen Geller? I don't think so.
Carol: Hello? It's not gonna be Helen Geller.
Ross: Thank you!
Carol: No, I mean it's not Geller.
Ross: What, it's gonna be Helen Willick?
Carol: No, actually, um, we talked about Helen Willick-Bunch.
Ross: Well, wait a minute, wha- why is she in the title?
Susan: It's my baby too.
Ross: Oh, 's'funny, really? Um, I don't remember you making any
sperm.
Susan: Yeah, and we all know what a challenge that is!
Carol: All right, you two, stop it!

Ross: No no no, she gets a credit, hey, I'm in there too.

Carol: Ross. You're not actually suggesting Helen Willick-Bunch-
Geller? 'Cause I think that borders on child abuse.
Ross: Of course not, I'm... suggesting Geller-Willick-Bunch.
Susan: Oh, no, nonononono, you see what he's doing? He knows no-
one's gonna say all those names, so they'll wind up calling her
Geller, then he gets his way!

Ross: My way?! You-you think this is my way? Believe me, of all

the ways I ever imagined this moment in my life being, this is
not my way- y'know what? Uh, um, this is too hard. I'm not, I
can't do-
Dr. Oberman: (entering) Knock knock!How are we today? Any nausea?
All: Yeah. Yeah. A little.
Dr. Oberman: Well, I was just wondering about the mother-to-be,
but.. thanks for sharing. (To Carol) Uh, lie back..
Ross: You- uh- y'know what, I'm gonna go. I don't- I don't think
I can be involved in this particular thing right now.
(He turns to go, but the sound of the sonogram catches hes ear.
He returns and stares at it.)
Ross: Oh my God.
Susan: Look at that.
Carol: I know.
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment, everyone is watching the
tape of the sonogram. Rachel is on the phone.]
Ross: Well? Isn't that amazing?
Joey: What are we supposed to be seeing here?
Chandler: I don’t know, but.. I think it's about to attack the
Enterprise.
Phoebe: You know, if you tilt your head to the left, and relax
your eyes, it kinda looks like an old potato.
Ross: Then don't do that, alright?
Phoebe: Okay!
Ross: (walks over to where Monica is standing) Monica. What do
you think?
Monica: (welling up) Mm-hmm.
Ross: Wh- are you welling up?
Monica: No.
Ross: You are, you're welling up.
Monica: Am not!
Ross: You're gonna be an aunt.
Monica: (pushes him and starts to cry) Oh shut up!
Rachel: (on phone) Hi, Mindy. Hi, it-it's Rachel. Yeah, I'm fine.
I-I saw Barry today. Oh, yeah, yeah he-he told me. No, no, it's
okay. I hope you two are very happy, I really do. Oh, oh, and
Mind, y'know, if-if everything works out, and you guys end up
getting married and having kids- and everything- I just hope they
have his old hairline and your old nose. (Slams the phone down.)
(To everyone) Okay, I know it was a cheap shot, but I feel so
much better now.

103 The One With the Thumb

103 The One With the Thumb 103 飞来横财

[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Phoebe is there.] 嗨,各位!

Phoebe: (entering) Hi guys! 嘿, 菲比! 嗨!
All: Hey, Pheebs! Hi! 嘿. 哦,哦,你的约会怎么样?
Ross: Hey. Oh, oh, how'd it go? 不是很好,他送我到地铁
Phoebe: Um, not so good. He walked me to the subway and said 'We 然后说:"我们应该再来一次!"
should do this again!' 哦,喔.
All: Ohh. Ouch. 怎么啦?
Rachel: What? He said 'we should do it again', that's good, 他说要再来一次?那不是很好吗?
right? 不，
Monica: Uh, no. Loosely translated 'We should do this again' 他说我们应该再来一次
means 'You will never see me naked'. 代表你将无法再见到裸体的我
Rachel: Since when? 什么时候这样子的?
Joey: Since always. It's like dating language. Y'know, like 'It's 一直都是这样,
not you' means 'It is you'. 这是约会用语.
Chandler: Or 'You're such a nice guy' means 'I'm gonna be dating 就像...”问题不是出在你”
leather-wearing alcoholics and complaining about them to you'. 代表”就是你”
Phoebe: Or, or, y'know, um, 'I think we should see other people' ”你真好”代表
means 'Ha, ha, I already am'. ”我要和皮革族的酒徒约会
Rachel: And everybody knows this? 然后向你抱怨."
Joey: Yeah. Cushions the blow. 还有还有,”我们该试试别人”
Chandler: Yeah, it's like when you're a kid, and your parents put 代表”我已和别人约会了”
your dog to sleep, and they tell you it went off to live on some 大家都懂?
farm. 对,这是善意的谎言
Ross: That's funny, that, no, because, uh, our parents actually 没错，
did, uh, send our dog off to live on a farm. 就像父母使小孩的狗安乐死时
Monica: Uh, Ross. 他们会说
Ross: What? Wh- hello? The Millners' farm in Connecticut? The 它跑到别人家农场去住了
Millners, they had this unbelievable farm, they had horses, and, 真有意思
and rabbits that he could chase and it was- it w- .....Oh my God, 不过我爸妈是真的
Chi Chi! 把我们的狗送到别人农场去养了
Opening Credits 呃, 罗斯
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is helping Joey rehearse 米纳家在康乃迪克州的农场
for a part.] 米纳家
Chandler: "So how does it feel knowing you're about to die?" 他们家的农场好棒
Joey: "Warden, in five minutes my pain will be over. But you'll 有马还有可供追逐的兔子…
have to live with the knowledge that you sent an honest man to 噢,我的天,芝芝
die." “知道自己不久人世有何感受?”
Chandler: Hey, that was really good! “华顿，
Joey: Thanks! Let's keep going. 我的痛苦将在五分钟内消除
Chandler: Okay. "So. Whaddya want from me, Damone, huh?" 但你得承受
Joey: "I just wanna go back to my cell. 'Cause in my cell, I can 埋葬一个老实人的痛苦！”
smoke." 嘿,表演得真好!
Chandler: "Smoke away." 是吗? 谢了，咱们继续吧
(Joey takes out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. He fumbles 好，“你要我怎么做，
and drops the lighter. Then he lights a cigarett, takes a drag, 迪默，嗯？”
and coughs.) 我只想回到我的牢房内
Chandler: I think this is probably why Damone smokes in his cell 因为这样
alone. 我才可以抽烟
Joey: What? 你就在这里抽吧.
Chandler: Relax your hand! 我想这就是迪默
(Joey lets his wrist go limp.) 自己一个在牢房里抽烟的原因
Chandler: Not so much! 什么?
Joey: Whoah! 手放轻松,手腕自然点
Chandler: Hey! 别太过火
Joey: Hey! -哦! 嘿!
Chandler: Alright, now try taking a puff. -嘿!
(Joey tries and visibly winces.) 好, 吐口烟
Chandler: Alright.. okay. No. Give it to me. 给我来
Joey: No no no, I am not giving you a cigarette. 不,我不能给你烟
Chandler: It's fine, it's fine. Look, do you wanna get this part, 无所谓的，
or not? Here. 你到底想不想演这个角色?
(Joey reluctantly gives him the cigarette.) 好，别把它当成是支烟，把它当成
Chandler: Don't think of it as a cigarette. Think of it as the 是你想念多时的东西
thing that's been missing from your hand. When you're holding it, 夹着它
you feel right. You feel complete. 你感到自在你感到满足
Joey: Y'miss it? 你很想它
Chandler: Nah, not so much. Alright, now we smoke. (Takes a 没那么严重.
puff.) Oh.. my.. God. (He continues to smoke.) 抽烟
[Scene, Central Perk, everyone except Phoebe and Rachel is 噢,爽呀!
there.] 不,不是这样的.
Monica: No, no, no. They say it's the same as the distance from 他们说和拇指尖
the tip of a guy's thumb to the tip of his index finger. 到食指尖的距离一样
(The guys stretch out their fingers.) 这太荒谬了
Joey: That's ridiculous! 随便哪个姆指都行?
Ross: Can I use.. either thumb? 别告诉我…
Rachel: (carrying a tray of drinks) Alright, don't tell me, don't 无咖啡因卡布其诺
tell me! (Starts handing them out.) Decaf cappucino for Joey.. 是乔依的
Coffee black.. Late.. And an iced tea. I'm getting pretty good at 纯咖啡
this! 拿铁
All: Yeah. Yeah, excellent. 和冰茶
Rachel: (leaving to serve others) Good for me! 我进步神速
(The gang swaps all the drinks for what they ordered as Phoebe 对, 对, 真好
enters. She sits down without saying hi.) 我真行
Joey: Y'okay, Phoebe? 菲此,你没事吧
Phoebe: Yeah- no- I'm just- it's, I haven't worked- It's my bank. 我还好
Monica: What did they do to you? 只是太不值得了…
Phoebe: It's nothing, it's just- Okay. I'm going through my mail, 我的银行
and I open up their monthly, you know, STATEMENT- 他们对你怎么了?
Ross: Easy. 我看我的信件时
Phoebe: - and there's five hundred extra dollars in my account. 看见他们的每月“通知”
Chandler: Oh, Satan's minions at work again... 别激动...
Phoebe: Yes, 'cause now I have to go down there, and deal with 我的户头多了五百元
them. 撤旦的奴才又开始活跃了
Joey: What are you talking about? Keep it! 没错，因为我得到银行找他们处理
Phoebe: It's not mine, I didn't earn it, if I kept it, it would 别傻了，留着自己用吧
be like stealing. 这些钱不是我的
Rachel: Yeah, but if you spent it, it would be like shopping! 不是我赚来的
Phoebe: Okay. Okay, let's say I bought a really great pair of 我留下来就如同偷窃
shoes. Do you know what I'd hear, with every step I took? 'Not- 如果你拿来花就如同购物
mine. Not-mine. Not-mine.' And even if I was happy, okay, and, 好吧，就比方说我买了一双很棒的鞋
and skipping- 'Not-not-mine, not-not-mine, not-not-mine, not-not- 你们知道我每踏出一步
mine'... 都会听到什么吗?
Monica: We're with you. We got it. 不是我的…
(Chandler leans over the back of the couch out of sight.) 即使我再快乐再雀跃都会听到
Phoebe: Okay. I'd- just- I'd never be able to enjoy it. It would 不是我的…
be like this giant karmic debt. 我们知道你的意思了
Rachel: Chandler, what are you doing? 我无法享受非份之财的乐趣
Monica: (puling him up) Hey. Whaddya doing? 这就像是业报一样
(Chandler tries to shrug nonchalantly but eventually he has to 钱德，你在干什么?
exhale a mouthful of smoke.) 嘿，你在干什么?
All: Oh! Oh, God! 噢,我的天!
Ross: What is this?! 这是什么?!
Chandler: I'm smoking. I'm smoking, I'm smoking. 我在抽烟…
Phoebe: Oh, I can't believe you! You've been so good, for three 我真不敢相信你
years! 你这三年来一直表现良好
Chandler: And this- is my reward! 这是我的奖励
Ross: Hold on a second, alright? Just think about what you went 等等，想想你戒烟后是怎么活过来的
through the last time you quit. 所以这一次我不再戒了
Chandler: Okay, so this time I won't quit! 熄掉…
All: Ohhh! Put it out! 好吧,我熄掉就是
Chandler: All right! I'm putting it out, I'm putting it out. (He 拜托，我现在喝不了它了.
drops it in Phoebe's coffee.) (难道待会可以-_-!)
Phoebe: Oh, no! I- I can't drink this now! 我要去换衣服了
Monica: Alright. I'm gonna go change, I've got a date. 我有个约会
Rachel: This Alan again? How's it goin'? 又是亚伦?
Monica: 'S'going pretty good, y'know? It's nice, and, we're 进展得如何?
having fun. 进展的还不错.
Joey: So when do we get to meet the guy? 我们在一起很开心
Monica: Let's see, today's Monday... Never. 我们何时能见到他?
All: Oh, come on! Come on! 对啊!
Monica: No. Not after what happened with Steve. 今天是星期一…
Chandler: What are you talking about? We love Schhteve! Schhteve 永远别想…
was schhexy!.. Sorry. 哦, 来嘛!
Monica: Look, I don't even know how I feel about him yet. Just 不,不要再来像史提夫那次的事…
give me a chance to figure that out. 你在说什么?
Rachel: Well, then can we meet him? 我们都爱史...提夫
Monica: Nope. Schhorry. 史...提夫很性...感
[Scene: Iridium, Monica and Paula are at work.] 抱歉
Monica: I mean, why should I let them meet him? I mean, I bring a 我连自己对他有何感觉
guy home, and within five minutes they're all over him. I mean, 都还不知道
they're like- coyotes, picking off the weak members of the herd. 给我一点时间想清楚
Paula: Listen. As someone who's seen more than her fair share of 那么到时我们可以见他罗?
bad beef, I'll tell you: that is not such a terrible thing. I 不行，抱歉
mean, they're your friends, they're just looking out after you. 我为何要让他们见他?
Monica: I know. I just wish that once, I'd bring a guy home that 我带他回去后五分钟
they actually liked. 他们便蜂拥而上
Paula: Well, you do realise the odds of that happening are a 他们就像郊狼一样
little slimmer if they never get to meet the guy.. 找弱者下手
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is smoking out on the 不愉快的场面我见多了
balcony, Phoebe is absent.] 告诉你
Joey: Let it go, Ross. 这并不是一件坏事
Ross: Yeah, well, you didn't know Chi Chi. 他们是你的朋友
Monica: Do you all promise? 他们只是关心你
All: Yeah! We promise! We'll be good! 我知道
Monica: (shouts to Chandler) Chandler? Do you promise to be good? 我只希望带一个
(Chandler makes a 'Cross my heart' sign. It starts to rain and 他们真正喜欢的男人回家
he taps on the window.) 你知道如果他们没见过他
Joey: You can come in, but your filter-tipped little buddy has to 机会就更渺茫
stay outside! -不要这样子,罗斯,别再想了!
(Chandler sulkilty picks up a garbage can lid and uses it as an 你又不认识芝芝.
umbrella.) 你们都保证?
(Phoebe enters, walks to the couch, sits down, and begins to read 对，我们保证
a letter without saying hi.) 我们会很乖的
Ross: Hey, Pheebs. 钱德，你保证会很乖?
Phoebe: 'Dear Ms. Buffay. Thank you for calling attention to our 你可以进来了,
error. We have credited your account with five hundred dollars. 但你的滤嘴屁股朋友得呆在外面.
We're sorry for the inconvenience, and hope you'll accept this- 嘿, 菲比
(Searches in her purse) -football phone as our free gift.' Do you 亲爱的巴菲小姐
believe this?! Now I have a thousand dollars, and a football 谢谢你提醒我们的错误
phone! 我们已将五百元存人你的户头
Rachel: What bank is this? 造成不便之处请多包涵
(The intercom buzzes.) 请接受此足球电话…
Monica: Hey. It's him. (On the intercom) Who is it? 作为礼物
Alan: (on the intercom) It's Alan. 你们懂意思吗?
Joey: (shouting to Chandler) Chandler! He's here! 现在我多了一千元和一个足球电话
(Chandler comes in, dripping wet.) 这是哪家银行?
Monica: (to all) Okay, please be good, please. Just remember how 他来了
much you all like me. 是谁啊?
(She opens the door and Alan enters.) 亚伦
Monica: Hi. Alan, this is everybody. Everybody, this is Alan. 钱德，他来了
Alan: Hi. 拜托，别乱来
All: Hi, Alan. 记得你们有多么爱我
Alan: I've heard schho much about all you guyschh! 嗨，亚伦，这是大家
(Everyone laughs.) 各位，这是亚伦
[Time lapse, Alan is leaving.] 嗨
Monica: (to Alan) Thanks. I'll call you tomorrow. (Alan exits, to 嗨，亚伦
all) Okay. Okay, let's let the Alan-bashing begin. Who's gonna 我对各位已如雷灌耳
take the first shot, hmm? 谢谢，我明天再打电话给你
(Silence.) 好了，开始攻击亚伦吧
Monica: C'mon! 谁先开始?
Ross: ...I'll go. Let's start with the way he kept picking at- 来呀
no, I'm sorry, I can't do this, can't do this. We loved him. 我来
All: Loved him! Yeah! He's great! 我们从他一直...
Monica: Wait a minute! We're talking about someone that I'm going …抱歉，我办不到...
out with? 我们爱他…他太棒了...
All: Yeah! 等等，我们谈的是我约会的对象吗?
Rachel: And did you notice...? (She spreads her thumb and index 是啊
finger.) 你们都有注意到?
The Guys: (reluctantly) Yeah. 是啊...
Joey: Know what was great? The way his smile was kinda crooked. 知道他什么最棒吗?
Phoebe: Yes, yes! Like the man in the shoe! 他的微笑有点邪邪的
Ross: ...What shoe? 对，就像是鞋里的男人
Phoebe: From the nursery rhyme. 'There was a crooked man, Who had 什么鞋?
a crooked smile, Who lived in a shoe, For a... while...' 童谣里的
(Dubious pause.) 有个驼背的人有着扭曲的微笑
Ross: ...So I think Alan will become the yardstick against which 他住在鞋子里，一阵子
all future boyfriends will be measured. 我想亚伦将成为日后男友被丈量的标准
Rachel: What future boyfriends? Nono, I th- I think this could 什么日后男友?
be, y'know, it. 不，我想他就是了
Monica: Really! 真的呀?
Chandler: Oh, yeah. I'd marry him just for his David Hasselhof 光凭他学海滩游侠的样子
impression alone. You know I'm gonna be doing that at parties, 我就想嫁给他了
right? (Does the impression) ”我要去参加派对”
Ross: You know what I like most about him, though? 知道我最喜欢他哪一点?
All: What? 哪一点？
Ross: The way he makes me feel about myself. 他改变我看待自己的方式
All: Yeah... 嗯...
Commercial Break 嗯...
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica is alone as Ross, Rachel, Chandler, 嗨！
and Joey enter dejectedly in softball gear.] 比赛如何?
Monica: Hi.. how was the game? 怎么说呢.
Ross: Well.. 我们赢啦! 谢谢! 太棒啦!
All: WE WON!! Thank you! Yes! 太好了! 我有一个问题: 这怎么可能呢?
Monica: Fantastic! I have one question: How is that possible? 亚伦真是太不可思议了
Joey: Alan. 他就像兔宝宝卡通里,
Ross: He was unbelievable. He was like that-that-that Bugs Bunny 兔宝宝守每个位置
cartoon where Bugs is playing all the positions, right, but 我们虽没有兔宝宝
instead of Bugs it was first base-Alan, second base-Alan, third 但我们有一垒手亚伦、
base-... 二垒手亚伦、三垒手亚伦...
Rachel: I mean, it-it was like, it was like he made us into a 他使我们形成一个团队
team. 对，我们让对手见识到什么叫垒球
Chandler: Yep, we sure showed those Hassidic jewellers a thing or 没错
two about softball.. 能问你们一个问题吗?
Monica: Can I ask you guys a question? D'you ever think that Alan 你是否曾感觉亚伦有时…
is maybe.. sometimes.. 有时怎样?
Ross: What? 我说不上来，有点太亚伦了?
Monica: ..I dunno, a little too Alan? 不，不可能
Rachel: Well, no. That's impossible. You can never be too Alan. 他不可能太过于亚伦
Ross: Yeah, it's his, uh, innate Alan-ness that-that-that we 没错我们欣赏的是亚伦的内在
adore. 我个人可以喝下一加仑的亚伦
Chandler: I personally could have a gallon of Alan. 嘿,露西
[Scene: A street, Phoebe walks up to a homeless person (Lizzie) 嘿,古怪女孩
she knows.] 我带字母汤来给你
Phoebe: Hey, Lizzie. 你挑掉有母音吗?
Lizzie: Hey, Weird Girl. 但我把“Y”留下来了
Phoebe: I brought you alphabet soup. 因为有时你会用的上,
Lizzie: Did you pick out the vowels? 为什么(Why,音同Y)
Phoebe: Yes. But I left in the Ys. 'Cause, y'know, "sometimes y". 我还带了其他东西给你
Uh, I also have something else for you. (She searches in her 咸鱼吗?
purse.) 不, 但你想要一千元和足球电话吗?
Lizzie: Saltines? 什么?
Phoebe: No, but would you like a thousand dollars and a football 天啊，这里真的有钱
phone? 怪女孩，你在干什么?
Lizzie: What? (She opens the envelope Phoebe has given her.) Oh 我要给你，我不想要
my God, there's really money in here. 不，我得拿点东西给你
Phoebe: I know. 不，不用了
Lizzie: Weird Girl, what are you doing? 你要我的锡箔纸帽帽吗?
Phoebe: No, I want you to have it. I don't want it. 不要，因为你需要它
Lizzie: No, no, I ha-I have to give you something. 不用了，谢谢
Phoebe: Oh, that's fine, no. 求你
Lizzie: Would you like my tin-foil hat? 让我表示我的谢意
Phoebe: No. 'Cause you need that. No, it's okay, thanks. 好，这样吧
Lizzie: Please, let me do something. 你请我喝汽水，我们就扯平了，好吗？
Phoebe: Okay, alright, you buy me a soda, and then we're even. 好吧
Okay? 好吧
Lizzie: Okay. 不用找了
Phoebe: Okay. 谢谢你，莉兹
[Scene: Chandler's office, Chandler looks around, opens his desk 你真的不要椒盐卷饼?
drawer, takes a puff of a cigarette, sprays around some air 不,不用了,谢谢
freshener, and takes some breath spray. He types for a little 再见
while, opens the drawer again, and takes another drag of the 一个拇指?!
cigarette. While not paying attention, he sprays the breath 我知道
spray around the room, takes a squirt of air freshener and gags.] 我打开时
[Scene: A Street, Phoebe and Lizzie are at a hot dog vendor.] 它就浮在里面
Lizzie: Keep the change. (To Phoebe) Sure you don't wanna 像个搭便车的
pretzel? 或者
Phoebe: No, I'm fine. 这是一场竞赛
Lizzie: (leaves) See ya. 集满五个有奖?
(Phoebe opens the can and reacts.) 你们想看看吗?
Phoebe: Huh! 不,不,不...
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is telling everyone about her 嘿，嘿，别那样！
discovery.] 拜托！
Ross: A thumb?! 这比拇指更坏！
(Phoebe nods.) 嘿，这很不公平啊！
All: Eww! 为何不公平?
Phoebe: I know! I know, I opened it up and there it was, just 好，我有个缺点，怎么了?
floating in there, like this tiny little hitch-hiker! 乔依常扳指关节就不惹人厌?
Chandler: Well, maybe it's a contest, y'know? Like, collect all 罗斯把每个音发得太清楚
five? 摩妮卡大笑时的鼻音
Phoebe: Does, um, anyone wanna see? 搞什么嘛？！
All: Nooo! 我接受大家所有的缺点
(Chandler lights a cigarette.) 为什么大家就不肯接受我的这个缺点呢?
All: Oh, hey, don't do that! Cut it out! 扳指关节很惹人厌吗?
Rachel: It's worse than the thumb! 我觉得有点点烦
Chandler: Hey, this is so unfair! 那声音只是一点点惹人厌...
Monica: Oh, why is it unfair? 还是像菲此咬她的头发一样惹人厌?
Chandler: So I have a flaw! Big deal! Like Joey's constant 菲此，别介意
knuckle-cracking isn't annoying? And Ross, with his over- 我觉得那样很可爱
pronouncing every single word? And Monica, with that snort when 哦，真的？是吗？
she laughs? I mean, what the hell is that thing? ...I accept all 咬字清晰又不犯法
those flaws, why can't you accept me for this? 没错
(An awkward silence ensues.) 我该回去工作了
Joey: ...Does the knuckle-cracking bother everybody? 没错，否则有人就会拿到他们真正点的
Rachel: Well, I-I could live without it. 东西了
Joey: Well, is it, like, a little annoying, or is it like when 哦...
Phoebe chews her hair? 全都发泄出来了
(Phoebe spits out her hair.) 你曾和一个
Ross: Oh, now, don't listen to him, Pheebs, I think it's 你朋友都喜欢的男人约会吗?
endearing. 没有
Joey: Oh, (Imitating Ross) "you do, do you"? 我在和一个
(Monica laughs and snorts.) 我朋友都喜欢的男人约会
Ross: You know, there's nothing wrong with speaking correctly. 我们在谈郊狼吗?
Rachel: "Indeed there isn't"... I should really get back to work. 一头牛居然全身而退
Phoebe: Yeah, 'cause otherwise someone might get what they 你能相信吗?
actually ordered. 你知道吗? 我毫无感觉...
Rachel: Ohh-ho-hooohhh. The hair comes out, and the gloves come 他们有感觉...
on. 而我却毫无感觉！
(They degenerate into bickering and Chandler happily starts to 你应该要有感觉的啊！
smoke, undisturbed.) 听着，如果你对他没感觉
[Scene: Iridium, Monica and Paula are working.] 就把他甩了呀！
Monica: Did you ever go out with a guy your friends all really 我知道，但很难
like? 没错，但他是大人了，
Paula: No. 他会熬过去的
Monica: Okay.. Well, I'm going out with a guy my friends all 不，他没事
really like. 我担心的
Paula: Waitwait.. we talking about the coyotes here? All right, a 是其他五人
cow got through! 难道你不尊重你的身体吗?
Monica: Can you believe it? ...Y'know what? I just don't feel the 你不知道你在残害你的身体?
thing. I mean, they feel the thing, I don't feel the thing. 我受够你们了
Paula: Honey.. you should always feel the thing. Listen, if 还有你们的癌症，肺气肿
that's how you feel about the guy, Monica, dump him! 和心脏病
Monica: I know.. it's gonna be really hard. 至少抽烟很酷
Paula: Well, he's a big boy, he'll get over it. 这点你们也很清楚
Monica: No, he'll be fine. It's the other five I'm worried about. 钱德，亚伦找你
[Scene: Cental Perk, Joey and Ross are persecuting Chandler about 真的？他找我？
his smoking.] 老兄，什么事?
Joey: Do you have any respect for your body? 她告诉你了?
Ross: Don't you realise what you're-you're doing to yourself? 对，我偶尔会犯烟瘾
Chandler: Hey, y'know, I have had it with you guys and your 对，现在
cancer and your emphysema and your heart disease. The bottom line 没那么糟
is, smoking is cool, and you know it. 这倒是真的
Rachel: (holding the phone out to Chandler) Chandler? It's Alan, 天啊，没人这么说过
he wants to speak to you. 好的，谢谢
Chandler: Really? He does? (taking the phone) Hey, buddy, what's 天啊，他真神
up! Oh, she told you about that, huh. Well, yeah, I have one now 如果他是个女人那该有多好
and then. Well, yeah, now. Well, it's not that big- ..well, 是啊...
that's true,.. Gee, y'know, no-one- no-one's ever put it like 小羊排
that before. Well, okay, thanks! (He hands the phone back and 那袜子到底有多旧了?
stubs out his cigarette.) 如果我手上戴着袜子三十年
Rachel: (to Ross, who has wandered up) God, he's good. 它也会开始说话了
Ross: If only he were a woman. 有人该换尼古丁贴片了
Rachel: Yeah. 嘿，乔依在哪儿?
(They give each other a dubious look.) 乔依吃了我的最后一片口香糖
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyond except Monica and Joey is 所以我就把他杀了
watching Lambchop.] 你认为这样不对吗?
Chandler: Ooh, Lambchop. How old is that sock? If I had a sock on 我想他在对面
my hand for thirty years it'd be talking too. 好啦.
Ross: Okay. I think it's time to change somebody's nicotine 哦，我又重拾快乐的生活了
patch. (Does so.) 菲此，你还想吃那个吗？菲比？
Monica: (entering) Hey. Where's Joey? 谁想吃剩下的?
Chandler: Joey ate my last stick of gum, so I killed him. Do you 我要
think that was wrong? 抱歉
Rachel: I think he's across the hall. 汽水公司那些笨蛋
Monica: Thanks. (Goes to fetch him.) 给我七千元当姆指的补偿金
Ross: (finishing changing Chandler's nicotine patch) There y'go. 天啊！
Chandler: (deadpan) Ooh, I'm alive with pleasure now. 七千元！
Ross: Hey Pheebs, you gonna have the rest of that Pop-Tart?.. 别闹了！
Pheebs? 然后在来这的路上我又踩到口香糖了
Phoebe: Does anyone want the rest of this Pop-Tart? 这世界到底怎么了?
Ross: Hey, I might! 怎么啦?
Phoebe: Sorry. ..Y'know, those stupid soda people gave me seven 没什么，只是觉得大伙儿在一起很温馨
thousand dollars for the thumb. 如果大家都有穿内裤会更好
All: You're kidding. Oh my God. Joey,你那里...
Phoebe: And on my way over here, I stepped in gum. ...What is up 天呀
with the universe?! 好..
Joey: (dragged in by Monica, he has just gotten out of the 哦！那是小羊排！
shower) What's going on? 好了,大家,我们必须得谈谈.
Monica: Nothing. I just think it's nice when we're all here 等等，我有似曾相识的感觉,
together. 不,好像没有
Joey: Even nicer when everyone gets to wear their underwear.. 好吧,我们需要谈谈.
Rachel: Uh, Joey.. 瞧,来了
Joey: Oh, God! (Hurriedly closes his legs.) 是有关亚伦的事
Monica: (turns off the TV) Okay.. 有件事应该让你们知道
All: Oh! That was Lambchop! 真的很难启齿
Monica: Please, guys, we have to talk. 我决定和亚伦分手
Phoebe: Wait, wait, I'm getting a deja vu...no, I'm not. 有第三者?
Monica: Alright, we have to talk. 没有...
Phoebe: There it is! 只是世事难料，人都会变
Monica: Okay. It's-it's about Alan. There's something that you 我们没变啊
should know. I mean, there's really no easy way to say this.. 就这样...就这样结束了？就这样了？
uh.. I've decided to break up with Alan. 当你放下防御，真心对待一个人…
(They all gasp and clutch each other.) 我可以继续伪装…
Ross: Is there somebody else? 好啊！
Monica: No, nononono.. it's just.. things change. People change. 不，这样对我不公平
Rachel: We didn't change.. 对亚伦不公平
Joey: So that's it? It's over? Just like that? 对你们大家也不公平
Phoebe: You know.. you let your guard down, you start to really 是吗?谁要公平?
care about someone, and I just- I- (starts chewing her hair) 我只想要回失去的，回到往日
Monica: Look, I- I could go on pretending- 我很抱歉
Joey: Okay! 哦,她说抱歉,我感觉好多了
Monica: -but that wouldn't be fair to me, it wouldn't be fair to 我真是不敢相信
Alan- It wouldn't be fair to you! 假期就要来临了
Ross: Who-who wants fair? Y'know, I just want things back. 我还想带他去见我的家人
Y'know, the way they were. 我会找到新欢的，会有另一个亚伦
Monica: I'm sorry.. 是呀,另一个.
Chandler: (sarcastic) Oh, she's sorry! I feel better! 你们不会有事吧?
Rachel: (tearful) I just can't believe this! I mean, with the 嘿，嘿，我们会好起来的
holidays coming up- I wanted him to meet my family- 我们只是需要一点时间
Monica: I'll meet somone else. There'll be other Alans. 我了解
All: Oh, yeah! Right! 哇..
Monica: Are you guys gonna be okay? 我真的很抱歉
Ross: Hey hey, we'll be fine. We're just gonna need a little 我也很抱歉
time. 但我也真的松了一口气.
Monica: (dubious) I understand. 松了一口气?
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica is breaking the news to Alan.] 对，我和你在一起很开心
Alan: Wow. 只是我受不了你朋友
Monica: I'm, I'm really sorry. 记得我们到中央公园划船吗?
Alan: Yeah, I'm sorry too. But, I gotta tell you, I am a little 那真好玩
relieved. 是啊，他划得就像维京人一样
Monica: Relieved? 嗨.
Alan: Yeah, well, I had a great time with you.. I just can't 嘿.
stand your friends. 情况如何?
Closing Credits 嗯，你知道...
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is mopping around and 他有提到我们吗?
eating ice cream.] 他说他会想念你们的
Rachel: Remember when we went to Central Park and rented boats?.. 悲惨的一天?
That was fun. 你无法体会
Ross: Yeah. He could row like a viking. 来...
Monica: (entering) Hi. 我受够了,我要抽烟
All: Mmm. 不行…
Ross: So how'd it go? 我管不了那么多了
Monica: Oh, y'know.. 我投降，我是懦夫，我要抽烟，我要抽
Phoebe: Did he mention us? 烟！
Monica: He said he's really gonna miss you guys. (dubious look) 如果你不再抽烟我就给你七千块
Ross: You had a rough day, huh.. c'mere. (She sits down and Ross 好吧,没问题.
strokes her forehead.)
Chandler: ...That's it. I'm getting cigarettes.
All: No no no!
Chandler: (leaving) I don't care, I don't care! Game's over! I'm
weak! I've gotta smoke! I've gotta have the smoke!
Phoebe: (shouting as he leaves) If you never smoke again I'll
give you seven thousand dollars!
Chandler: (returns) Yeah, alright.
End

104 The One With George Stephanopoulos

104 The One With George Stephanopoulos 104 （克林顿亲信助手）乔治•史特喷那

彼拉斯先生

[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there except Joey.]

Monica: Alright. Phoebe? 菲比
Phoebe: Okay, okay. If I were omnipotent for a day, I would want, 如果有一天我变得全能
um, world peace, no more hunger, good things for the rain- 我要世界和平，
forest...And bigger boobs! 不再有饥饿
Ross: Yeah, see.. you took mine. Chandler, what about you? 雨林不再遭受破坏
Chandler: Uh, if I were omnipotent for a day, I'd.. make myself 还有更大的胸部
omnipotent forever. 你说了我的愿望
Rachel: See, there's always one guy. (Mocking) "If I had a wish, 钱德，你呢？
I'd wish for three more wishes." (Joey enters.) 如果有一天我变得全能
All: Hey Joey. Hi. Hey, buddy. 我要让自己变得永远全能
Monica: Hey, Joey, what would you do if you were omnipotent? 看吧，总有这样的人
Joey: Probably kill myself! “给我一个愿望，
Monica: ..Excuse me? 我就要更多的愿望”
Joey: Hey, if Little Joey's dead, then I got no reason to live! 乔依，如果你变得全能
Ross: Joey, uh- OMnipotent. 你希望做什么？
Joey: You are? Ross, I'm sorry.. 大概是自杀吧
Opening Credits 什么？
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Monica are watching Phoebe sleep.] 如果小乔依死了
Monica: How does she do that? 我就没再活下去的理由
Ross: I cannot sleep in a public place. 乔伊，全能
Monica: Would you look at her? She is so peaceful. (不是无能)
Phoebe: (waking and startling them) Oh! What what what! ...Hi. 你是？
Ross: It's okay, y'know, you just nodded off again. 对不起
Monica: What's going on with you? 她是怎么办到的
Phoebe: I got no sleep last night! 我在公共场合根本睡不着
Ross: Why? 你看她，
Phoebe: My grandmother has this new boyfriend, and they're both 睡得那么安祥
kind of insecure in bed. Oh, and deaf. So they're constantly, 制片：陶德史帝芬
like, having to reassure each other that they're having a good 什么事？
time. You have no idea how loud they are! 没事，
Monica: Well, if you want, you can stay with Rachel and me 你只是又打瞌睡了
tonight. 你是怎么了？
Phoebe: Thanks. 我昨晚没睡好
(Chandler and Joey enter. Joey is counting his steps.) 为什么？
Joey: ...Ninety-five, ninety-six, ninety-seven. See, I told you! 导演：詹姆斯布罗
Less than a hundred steps from our place to here. 我祖母交了一个新男友
Chandler: You got waaaay too much free time. 他们俩在床上翻来覆去
Joey: (to Ross) Hey! Here's the birthday boy! Ross, check it out: 还有耳聋…
hockey tickets, Rangers-Penguins, tonight at the Garden, and 于是两人不断确定
we're taking you. 彼此是否尽兴
Chandler: Happy birthday, pal! 简直是吵死人了
Joey: We love you, man. (Kisses Ross) 如果愿意
Ross: Funny, my birthday was seven months ago. 你今晚可以和我及瑞秋睡
Joey: So? 谢了
Ross: So, I'm guessing you had an extra ticket and couldn't 95，96，97
decide which one of you got to bring a date? 我说得没错吧
Chandler: Well, aren't we Mr. "The glass is half empty." 从我的住处到这儿
Ross: Oh my God, oh- is today the twentieth, October twentieth? 不到一百步
Monica: Oh, I was hoping you wouldn't remember. 你可真闲
Ross: Ohhh. 他就是今天的寿星？
Joey: What's wrong with the twentieth? 瞧，冰球赛门票
Chandler: Eleven days before Halloween.. all the good costumes 骑兵队与企鹅队
are gone? 今晚在花园球场
Ross: Today's the day Carol and I first.. consummated our 我们要带你去看
physical relationship. (Joey is puzzled.) Sex. ..You know what, 生日快乐,老兄
I-I'd better pass on the game. I think I'm just gonna go home and 我们爱你
think about my ex-wife and her lesbian lover. 你们真幽默
Joey: The hell with hockey, let's all do that! 我的生日在七个月前
Chandler: (trying to stop Ross leaving) C'mon, Ross! You, me, 所以呢？
Joey, ice, guys' night out, c'mon, whaddya say, big guy, 一定是你们多了一张票
(Pretending to punch him in the stomach.) Huh? Huh? Huh? 找不到人一起去看
Ross: What are you doing? 我们不是悲观之人
Chandler: (stops) I have no idea. 天啊，今天是10月20号
Joey: C'mon, Ross! 我正希望你没记起来
Ross: Alright, alright, maybe it'll take my mind off it. Do you 20号有什么不对劲吗？
promise to buy me a big thumb finger? 万圣节的前十一天？
Chandler: You got it. 所有的好服装都被抢走？
(Rachel runs up cluching an envelope.) 今天是我第一次和卡萝…
Rachel: Look-look-look-look-look, my first pay check! Look at the 进行肉体接触…
window, there's my name! Hi, me! 作爱
Phoebe: I remember the day I got my first pay check. There was a 我不去看球赛了
cave in in one of the mines, and eight people were killed. 我还是回家
Monica: Wow, you worked in a mine? 想着我的前妻和她的爱人吧
Phoebe: I worked in a Dairy Queen, why? 去他的曲棍球
Rachel: God, isn't this exciting? I earned this. I wiped tables 我们回去一起想吧
for it, I steamed milk for it, and it was totally—(opens 罗斯，别这样
envelope)—not worth it. Who's FICA? Why's he getting all my 你，我和乔伊，冰人夜游怎样，大个
money? I mean, what- Chandler, look at that. 儿？
Chandler: (looking) Oh, this is not that bad. 你打算干吗？
Joey: Oh, you're fine, yeah, for a first job. 我不知道
Ross: You can totally, totally live on this. 拜托,罗斯
Monica: Yeah, yeah. 好吧,或许能让我忘记伤痛
Ross: Oh, by the way, great service tonight. 但你要帮我买个大手指
All: Oh! Yeah! 一定
(They all get their wallets out and give generous tips.) 大家看，我的第一份薪水
Guys: Hockey! (They go to leave but are blocked by three of 看看这框框，上面有我的名字
Rachel's friends, Leslie, Kiki, and Joanne. The guys pause to 是我
stare at them.) Hockey! Hockey. (The guys.) 我记起拿到第一份薪水的那一天
Leslie: (looking around) Rachel? 矿场塌陷八人惨遭活埋
Rachel: Oh my God! (Rachel, Leslie, Kiki, and Joanne all scream 你在矿场工作？
and hug each other. 不，我在黛莉冰淇淋工作，干嘛问？
Monica: (to Phoebe) I swear I've seen birds do this on Wild 真叫人兴奋，我赚来的
Kingdom. 每天擦桌椅蒸牛奶
Rachel: What are you guys doing here? 这真是太…
Kiki: Well, we were in the city shopping, and your mom said you 不值得了
work here, aaand it's true! 谁是FICA？
Joanne: Look at you in the apron. You look like you're in a play. 为何他拿走我所有的钱？
Rachel: (to a pregnant Leslie) Look at you, you are so big I 钱德，你看
can't believe it! 没那么糟
Leslie: I know. I know! I'm a duplex. 就第一份薪水而言
Rachel: (to Joanne) So what's going on with you? 你已经算不错了
Joanne: Well, guess who my dad's making partner in his firm? (She 单靠它就够你过日子了
points to herself and they all scream again.) 没错
Kiki: And while we're on the subject of news.. (She holds up here 对了,优秀的服务员
finger to show off her engagement ring and they all scream 没错
again.) 球赛！
Phoebe: (to Monica) Look, look, I have elbows! (They scream.) 球赛！
[Scene: A Street, Chandler and Joey are kicking a can to each 瑞秋
other.] 天呀
Chandler: ...Poulet passes it up to Leetch! (Passes it to Joey.) 我发誓我在动物园
Joey: Leetch spots Messier in the crease- there's the pass! (He 也看过这种场面
kicks it to Ross, but Ross is staring into a shop window.) 什么风把你们吹来的？
Chandler: We'll take a brief time out while Messier stops to look 我们到市区逛街
at some women's shoes. 又听你妈你在这儿工作
Ross: Carol was wearing boots just like those the night that we- 结果是真的
we first- y'know. Fact, she, uh- she never took'em off, 'cause 瞧你的围裙
we-we- (off Chandler's look) Sorry. Sorry. 好像在演戏一般
(They walk on. Chandler and Joey start to talk but Ross stops 看看你，你的肚子好大
and whines.) 我简直不敢相信
Joey: What? 我知道，我变成两倍大
Ross: Peach pit. 你近来可好？
Chandler: Yes, Bunny? 你猜我爸和谁合伙？
Ross: (points) Peach pit. That night we, uh- we had- 还有我们的话题
Joey: -Peaches? 看，我有手腕
Ross: Actually, nectarines, but basically... 罗斯将球传给李奇
Chandler: (to Joey) Could've been a peach. 李奇看见纳斯有空档
Ross: Then, uh, then we got dressed, and I-I... I walked her to 一记妙传
the- (looks up, realises, and points) -the bus stop... I'm fine. 我们先暂停一下
Joey: Hey, that woman's got an ass like Carol's! (They turn to 纳斯正停下来看女鞋
stare at him.) What? Thought we were trying to find stuff. 那一夜卡萝穿着那种靴子
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Lesile, Kiki, and Joanne are 在我们的第一次...
talking.] 老实说她没脱下
Rachel: So c'mon, you guys, tell me all the dirt! 因为我们…
Kiki: Well, the biggest news is still you dumping Barry at the 对不起
altar! 瞧
Joanne: Alright. Let's talk reality for a second. 什么？
Rachel: Okay. 桃核
Joanne: When are you coming home? 怎么样？
Rachel: What? Guys, I'm not. 那天晚上我们...
Joanne: C'mon, this is us. 吃了桃子？
Rachel: I'm not! This is what I'm doing now. I've got this job- 事实上是蜜桃
Kiki: Waitressing? 但基本上...
Rachel: Okay, I'm not just waitressing. I'm.. I, um... I write 可能是桃子
the specials on the specials board, and, uh... and I, uh... I 然后我们穿上衣服
take the uh dead flowers out of the vase... Oh, and, um, 我送她到公车站牌
sometimes Artelle lets me put the little chocolate blobbies on 我没事
the cookies. 那女人的臀部和卡萝的一样
Leslie: Well. Your mom didn't tell us about the blobbies. 什么？
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Monica are in pajamas and 我以为我们在找东西
Monica is making something in the blender as Rachel enters.] 好了，你们快点跟我讲八卦
Monica: Hey, Rach. How was it with your friends? (She and Phoebe 最大的八卦
scream.) Okay! How would you like some Tiki Death Punch? (She 还是你在圣坛前抛下巴瑞
pours the contents of the blender into some glasses.) 好了，我们来谈点正经的
Rachel: What's that? 你打算何时回家？
Monica: Weeeell, it's rum, and- 什么？我不回家
Rachel: Okay. (Grabs the blender and starts to drink.) 拜托，我们是好姐妹
Monica: We thought since Phoebe was staying over tonight we'd 我不回家
have kinda like a slumber party thing. We got some trashy 我要在这儿工作
magazines, we got cookie dough, we got Twister... (The phone 我有工作
rings and Monica answers it.) 当女服务生？
Phoebe: Ooh! Ooh! And I brought Operation! But, um, I lost the 我不只是当女服务生
tweezers, so we can't operate. But we can prep the guy! 我...写下每日特餐
Monica: Uh, Rach, it's the Visa card people. 摘下瓶中枯死的花朵
Rachel: Oh, God, ask them what they want. 有时老板还会让我
Monica: (on phone) Could you please tell me what this is in 在饼干上涂上巧克力酱
reference to? (Listens) Yes, hold on. (To Rachel) Um, they say 你妈没有提起巧克力酱
there's been some unusual activity on your account. 瑞秋，和朋友聊得如何？
Rachel: But I haven't used my card in weeks! 想喝杯鸡尾酒吗？
Monica: That is the unusual activity. Look, they just wanna see 里面什么？
if you're okay. 是郎姆酒,还有
Rachel: They wanna know if I'm okay. Okay.. they wanna know if 知道了
I'm okay, okay, let's see. Well, let's see, the FICA guys took 既然菲此要来过夜谈通宵
all my money, everyone I know is either getting married, or 我们就买了一些八卦杂志
getting promoted, or getting pregnant, and I'm getting coffee! 饼干面团和扭体游戏
And it's not even for me! So if that sounds like I'm okay, okay, 我带了”手术”游戏来
then you can tell them I'm okay, okay? 不过我把镊子弄丢了,所以玩不了了
Monica: (pauses then on the phone) Uh- Rachel has left the 不过我们可以演练下
building, can you call back? 瑞秋，是信用卡的人打来的
Rachel: Alright, c'mon! (Miserably) Let's play Twister! 问他们想干什么
[Scene: Madison Square Garden, the guys are trying to find their 请问有什么事吗？
seats.] 好，稍待
Ross: (squeezing past people) Sorry, sorry... Uh-oh. 他们说你的账户有问题
Chandler: What? There was ice there that night with Carol? 可是
Plastic seats? Four thousand angry Pittsburgh fans? 我已好几个星期没刷卡了
Ross: No, actually I was just saying it looks like we're not 问题就出在这儿
sitting together. But now you mention it, there was ice there 他们想知道你是否没事
that night... It was the first frost... 他们想知道我是否没事？
Joey: C'mon, sit. Just sit down, sit. 我想看看
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, they're all hanging out in the FICA把我的钱全拿走了
living room.] 我认识的朋友
Monica: You should feel great about yourself! You're doing this 不是结婚怀孕就是升职
amazing independence thing! 而我只是端咖啡
Rachel: Monica, what is so amazing? I gave up, like, everything. 而且还不是端给自己喝
And for what? 如果这样叫没事的话
Phoebe: You are just like Jack. 就告诉他们我没事，
Rachel: ...Jack from downstairs? 好吗？
Phoebe: No, Jack and the Beanstalk. 瑞秋刚出去，
Monica: Ah, the other Jack. 你能再打来吗？
Phoebe: Yeah, right! See, he gave up something, but then he got 好吧，
those magic beans. And then he woke up, and there was this, this 我们来玩扭体游戏吧
big plant outside his window, full of possibilities and stuff.. 对不起，对不起
And he lived in a village, and you live in the Village.. 怎么了？
Rachel: Okay, but Pheebs, Pheebs, Jack gave up a cow, I gave up 你和卡萝那一夜有冰？
an orthodontist. Okay, I-I-I know, I know I didn't love him- 塑胶座位？
Phoebe: Oh, see, Jack did love the cow. 四千名愤怒的匹兹堡球迷？
Rachel: But see, it was a plan. Y'know, it was clear. It was 不，我是说
figured out, and now everything's just kinda like... 我们可能不会坐在一起
Phoebe: Floopy? 既然你已提起
Rachel: Yeah. 没错，那一夜有结冰
Monica: So what, you're not the only one. I mean, half the time 第一次结霜
we don't know where we're going. You've just gotta figure at some 坐下吧
point it's all gonna come together, and it's just gonna be... un- 你应该感到自豪才对
floopy. 你正在学习了不起的独立
Phoebe: Oh, like that's a word. 摩妮卡，有什么了不起可言？
Rachel: Okay, but Monica, what if- what if it doesn't come 我放弃一切
together? 到底是为了什么？
Monica: ...Pheebs? 你和杰克没两样
Phoebe: Oh, well... 'cause.... you just... I don't like this 楼下的杰克？
question. 不，是杰克与魔豆
Rachel: Okay, see, see, you guys, what if we don't get magic 另一个杰克
beans? I mean, what if all we've got are.. beans? 对，他放弃某些东西
[Scene: Madison Square Garden, the guys are watching the game.] 但是得到了魔豆
Ross: Get him! GET HIM! Get him! Get- YESSS! Not laughing now, 他起床后
are ya pal! 发现窗外有棵大树
Chandler: (to Ross) See buddy, that's all you need, a bunch of 充满一切可能
toothless guys hitting each other with sticks. 他住在一个村庄
Ross: Pass it! Pass it! 你住在一个村庄…
Chandler: He's open! 菲此，杰克放弃了牛
All: Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! 我放弃了一个整牙医生
(The player shoots and the puck flies off the rink and hits Ross 我知道我并不喜欢他
in the face. Chandler looks concered until he notices...) 杰克深爱着那头牛
Chandler: Hey, look, we're on that TV thing! 那是有预谋的，
(Chandler and Joey hold the puck and wave at the TV thing.) 一切都很清楚。
Commercial Break 可是现在所有事都...
[Scene: An Emergency Room, Chandler and Joey are leading Ross 不顺利？
in.] 对
Chandler: (to the receptionist)'Scuse me. 不是只有你才这样
Receptionist: (holds up her hand—she is on the phone) It says to 我们也常不知自己何去何从
call this number if you're not completely satisfied with this 你得仔细想清楚
candy bar. Well, I'm not completely satisfied. 自然就能步上轨道
Chandler: Listen, it's kind of an emergency. Well, I guess you 这样才能...诸事顺利
know that, or we'd be in the predicament room. (The receptionist 真能拼
glares at him.) 但如果无法步上轨道呢？
Receptionist: (on phone) Hold on. (To Chandler) Fill these out, 菲比
sit over there. (Tosses him some forms.) 因为你…
Ross: (jumping to his feet) Look, I don't wanna make any trouble, 我不喜欢这个问题
okay, but I'm in a lot of pain here, alright? My face is dented. 瞧，如果我们没拿到魔豆吗？
Receptionist: Well, you'll have to wait your turn. 只拿到一般的豆子呢？
Joey: Well, how long do you think it'll be? 宰掉他…
Receptionist: (sarcastic) Any minute now. 笑不出来了吧，老兄
Ross: Hey, this- (she gives him a look and the guys back off) 那正是你需要的
Heyy... 一群以棍子互打的无齿之徒
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the slumber party continues.] 快传，他有空档
Rachel: I'm so sorry, you guys. I didn't mean to bring you down. 射门,射门
Monica: No, you were right. I don't have a plan. (There's a knock 瞧，我们上电视了
on the door.) 我抢到了
Pizza Guy: (yelling from outside) Pizza guy! 上面说不满意这条巧克力糖
Rachel: Thank God. Food. (She goes to answer the door.) 可以拨这个号码
Monica: Phoebe? 我并不满意
Phoebe: What? 这是紧急事件
Monica: Do you have a plan? 我想你很清楚
Phoebe: I don't even have a 'pl'. 否则我们就不会在这儿了
Pizza Guy: Hi, one, uh, mushroom, green pepper and onion? 等等，拿去填资料
Rachel: (miserably) No, no, that's not what we ordered... We 坐在那儿填
ordered a fat-free crust with extra cheese. 我不想惹麻烦，好吗？
Pizza Guy: Wait, you're not 'G.Stephanopoulos?' Man, my dad's 可我现在很疼，我脸被打歪了
gonna kill me! 你得照顺序来
Monica: (leaping off of the couch and runs up) Wait! Did you say 大概要等多久？
'G.Stephanopoulos?' 快了
Pizza Guy: Yeah. This one goes across the street, I must have 真是对不起
given him yours. Oh, bonehead, bonehead! 我不是存心让你们不开心的
Monica: Wait, was this a-a small mediterranean guy with curiously 不，你说得对
intelligent good looks? 我的人生毫无计划
Pizza Guy: Yeah, that sounds about right. 送Pizza的
Monica: Was he wearing a stunning blue suit? 感谢上帝,食物终于来了
Phoebe: And-and a power tie? Pheobe
Pizza Guy: No, pretty much just a towel. 干吗？
Monica: (staggered) Oh God. 你有计划吗？
Pizza Guy: So you guys want me to take this back? 我根本毫无计划
Monica: Are you nuts?! We've got George Stephanopoulos' pizza! 磨菇,青椒和洋葱
(Rachel pays him, Monica grabs some binoculars, and runs to the 不,这不是我们点的
window.) 我们点的是奶酪脆皮口味
Rachel: Uh, Pheebs? Who's George Snuffalopagus? 史先生不住这儿？
Phoebe: Big Bird's friend. 没这个人
Monica: I see pizza! 惨了，我爸一定会宰掉我的
Phoebe: Oh, I wanna see! Lemme see! Lemme see! (She runs up and 等等，你是说史先生？
takes the binoculars.) 对，他住对街
Rachel: Hello? Who are we spying on? 我一定是送错了，笨
Monica: White House adviser? Clinton's campaign guy? The one with 慢着，
the great hair, sexy smile, really cute butt? 是不是那个矮小的地中海人
Rachel: Oh, him, the little guy? Oh, I love him! 一幅聪明样的帅哥？
Phoebe: Ooh, wait.. wait, I see a woman. 对，应该就是他
Monica: Please tell me it's his mother. 他穿着迷人的蓝色西装？
Phoebe: Definitely not his mother. 打着领带？
Monica: Oh, no... 不，他只围一条浴巾
Phoebe: Oh, wait, she's walking across the floor.. she's 上帝呀
walking.. she's walking.. she's going for the pizza- (Yelling) 你们忍心让我把它带回去？
Hey, that's not for you, bitch! (Phoebe covers her mouth with her 什么？开什么玩笑
hand walks away from the window.) 我们要吃史先生的Pizza
[Scene: The Emergency Room, Joey is miming hockey pucks kitting 菲比，史先生是谁？
foreheads. Chandler realises it's getting tense and goes to the 大鸟的朋友
receptionist again.] 我看见Pizza
Chandler: Excuse me, look, we've been here for over an hour, and 让我看
a lot of people less sick than my friend have gone in. I mean, 我们在偷瞄谁？
that guy with the toe thing? Who's he sleeping with? (She slides 白宫顾问，克林顿的助选员
the gladd panel over and Chandler talks through it in a loud 他有迷人的头发性感的微笑
voice.) Oh, c'mon Dora, don't be mad... I know we both said some 带劲儿的屁股是他？那个小矮人？
things we didn't mean, but that doesn't mean we still don't love 我好喜欢他
each other. (To the waiting room.) Y'know, I feel like I've lost 等等，我看一个女人
her.. (She slides the panel back, he turns, and it takes him by 告诉我那是他妈
surprise.) Ba-! 绝对不是他妈
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the girls are all out on the 慢着，她走过地板
balcony.] 她走着…去拿Pizza
Monica: Light still out? 不是给你的，臭女人
Rachel: Yeah. 蓝大夫，请接分号256…
Monica: Oh. Maybe they're- napping. 抱歉，我们已等了一个小时
Rachel: Oh please, they're having sex. 许多情况比我朋友轻的人都走了
Monica and Phoebe: Shut up! 那个脚趾上挂东西的
Rachel: So, whaddya think George is like? 他和谁睡觉？
Monica: I think he's shy. 朵拉，别生气
Phoebe: Yeah? 我知道我们都说了
Monica: Yeah. I think you have to draw him out. And then- when 伤害彼此的话
you do- he's a preppy animal. 但那不意味着
[Scene: The Emergency Room, Ross is still going on about his 我们不再爱着对方
first night with Carol.] 我想她不会再理我了
Ross: I remember the moonlight coming through the window- and her 灯还关着，对吗？
face had the most incredible glow. 或许他们在小睡
Chandler: Yes, the moon, the glow, the magical feeling, you did 拜托,他们在做爱
this part- Could I get some painkillers over here, please? -闭嘴！
Joey: He's right, enough, already. What is the big deal about 你们认为史先生是什么样的人？
today? So you slept with her for the first time, so what? You 我认为他很害羞
slept with her for seven years after that. 真的？
Ross: Look, it's just a little more complicated... 你必须勾引他
Chandler: Well, what? What? What is it? That she left you? That 之后他就会渐渐显露出兽性
she likes women? That she left you for another woman that likes 拜托
women? 我记得月光透过窗户照进来
Ross: Little louder, okay, I think there's a man on the twelfth 她的脸庞露出甜蜜的微笑
floor in a coma that didn't quite hear you... 对，月光，微笑和甜蜜
Chandler: Then what? 说得好
Ross: My first time with Carol was... (He mumbles the last part) 谁能拿点止痛药来吗？
Joey: What? 他说得对，你够了没？
Ross: It was my first time. 今天有什么大不了的？
Joey: With Carol? (Ross gives him a look.) Oh. 你和她第一次上床，了不起？
Chandler: So in your whole life, you've only been with one—(He 之后你又和她做了七年
gets a look too)—oh. 事情没那么简单
Joey: Whoah, boy, hockey was a big mistake! There was a whole 那么问题出在哪儿？
bunch of stuff we could've done tonight! 她把你甩了？
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the girls are still out on the 她爱上女人？
balcony.] 她为一个爱女人的女人而离开你？
Monica: Okay. Okay, I got one. Do you remember that vegetarian 大声点，行吗？
pate that I made that you loved so much? 12楼有个昏迷的人听不清楚
Phoebe: Uh-huh. 然后呢？
Monica: Well, unless goose is a vegetable...ha haaaah! 我和卡萝的第一次
Phoebe: Oh! Oh! Oh! Okay, fine, fine. Now I don't feel so bad 是我的第一次
about sleeping with Jason Hurley. 什么？
Monica: What?! You slept with Jason? 我的第一次
Phoebe: You'd already broken up. 和卡萝？
Rachel: How long? 这么说你这辈子只和一人…
Phoebe: A couple hours. 天啊，看冰球赛真是个错误
Monica: Oh, that's nice! 本来今晚我们可以干很多事
Rachel: Okay, okay, okay, I got one! (She sits up and the cushion 我有了
she was leaning against falls off of the balcony.) Anyway- The 还记得
valentine Tommy Rollerson left in your locker was really from me. 你很喜欢我做的那个蔬菜面团？
Monica: Excuse me?! 除非鹅也是蔬菜
Rachel: Hello? Like he was really gonna send you one? (To Phoebe) 好吧，行
She was a big girl. 和强森上床的感觉没那么糟
Monica: Really. Well, at least 'big girls' don't pee in their 什么？你和强森上床？
pants in seventh grade! 在你们分手后
Rachel: I was laughing! You made me laugh! (Monica and Rachel 多久之后？
start to squabble) 几小时
Phoebe: There he is! There he is! 真好
Monica: Where? 我也有了
Phoebe: Right- where we've been looking all night! 情人节汤姆放在你置物箱的东西
Rachel: He is so cute! 其实是我放的
Monica: Oh, George, baby, drop the towel! 什么？
All: Yeah, drop it! Drop the towel! Please drop the—(pause)— 你以为他真会送你东西？
wowww. 她太天真了
[Scene: The Emergency Room, Ross is absent.] 真的？天真的女孩
Joey: Man. Can you believe he's only had sex with one woman? 至少不会在七年级时还尿裤子
Chandler: I think it's great. Y'know, it's sweet, it's 当时我是在笑，你逗得我大笑
romantic... 他来了，他来了
Joey: Really? 在哪儿？
Chandler: No, you kidding? The guy's a freak.. (Ross enters off 我们看了一整夜的地方
camera) 他真帅
Both: Hey, buddy. 我的宝贝乔治，快拿掉浴巾
Ross: Hi. (He is wearing a piece of steel bandaged to his nose. 快拿掉浴巾…一次就好
He tosses some forms onto reception desk.) 你能相信他只和一个女人上过床？
Receptionist: (sarcastic) Oh, that's attractive. 这样很好啊
Chandler: Oh, I thought you were great in Silence of the Lambs. 甜蜜又浪漫
Oh come on, admit it! All things considered, you had fun tonight. 你真的这样认为？
Ross: Fun? Where was the fun? Tell me specifically, which part 才怪,这家伙是怪胎
was the fun part? Where's my puck? 老兄
Joey: Oh, ah- the kid has it. 真是迷人
Ross: The kid...? (To the kid) Excuse me, uh, that's, that's my 你在“沉默的羔羊”里演得真好
puck. 快承认吧,纵观一切，你今晚很开心
Kid: I found it. Finders keepers, losers weepers. (Ross looks at 开心？哪里开心？
Chandler for help.) 告诉哪一点值得我开心？
Chandler: You gotta do it, man. 我的冰球在哪儿？
Ross: (to the kid) Oh yeah? Well, I'm rubber, you're glue, 在那小孩手里
whatever—(to Chandler)—can't do it. (to the kid) Listen, uh- 孩子…
gimme back my puck. 球是我的
Kid: No. 我找到的
Ross: 'Yes', how about. C'mere. Gimme! 谁发现归谁，丢掉的人活该
Kid: No! No! (They start to fight over it.) 争气点
Receptionist: Hey! Hey! No rough holding in my ER! 是吗？我是橡胶你是胶水…
Ross: (tries to snatch it from the kid) GIVE ME MY PUCK!! (but it 我做不到
files out of his grasp and knocks out the receptionist) 还我,到底还不还我不还
Ross: ...Now that was fun. 不还
Closing Credits 过来,球还我
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey and the girls are playing 不给
twister.] 别在我这儿闹事
Ross: (Doing the spinning) Okay, Monica: Right foot red. 给我！
Monica: Could've played Monopoly, but nooooo. 那才叫好玩
(There's a knock on the door, Chandler opens it, and silently 摩妮卡，右脚红
hands back the cushion.) 本来我们是要玩大富翁的？
Chandler: Thanks. (The guy nods and leaves) 谢了
Ross: Okay, Pheebs: Right hand blue. (Phoebe has to bend 菲比，右手蓝
over.)Good. (Joey stares at her butt appreciatively) 很好
(The phone rings and Chandler answers it.) 瑞秋，信用卡人员打来的
Chandler: Hello? Oh, uh, Rachel, it's the Visa card people. 好，愿意代替我吗？
Rachel: Oh, okay. Will you take my place? 我是瑞秋
Chandler: Alright. (on phone) Yes, this is Rachel. 不
Rachel: Nooo! (She grabs the phone and Chandler takes her place 我知道，我很久没用了
on the mat.) (On phone) Hello? (Listens) Oh, yeah, no, I know, I- 谢谢，我没事，真的
I haven't been using it much. (Listens) Oh, well, thanks, but, 绿色的，到绿色那里
I'm okay, really. 我有魔豆
Ross: Green. To the green. 不，当我没说
Rachel: (on phone) I've got magic beans. (Listens) Never-never 左转
mind. 我没事
Chandler: To the left, to the left- aww! (They all collapse)
Rachel: (on phone) Ohhh... I'm fine.
End

105 The One With the East German Laundry Detergent

105 The One With the East German Laundry Detergent 105 洗衣服

[Scene: Central Perk, all six are there.] 别再争好吗?

Monica: Would you let it go? It's not that big a deal. 这又没什么大不了的
Ross: Not that big a deal? It's amazing. Ok, you just reach in 没什么大不了?
there, there's one little maneuver, and bam, a bra right out the 这简直是太神奇了
sleeve. All right, as far as I'm concerned, there is nothing a 只不过是用手伸进去, 轻轻一碰
guy can do that even comes close. Am I right? 就把胸罩解开从袖子里抽出来
Rachel: Come on! You guys can pee standing up. 据我所知, 男生即使靠的再近也做不到
Chandler: We can? All right, I'm tryin' that. 我说得对不对?
Joey: Ok, you know what blows my mind? Women can see breasts any 拜托，男生可以站着尿
time they want. You just look down and there they are. How you 我们行吗?我倒要试试看
get any work done is beyond me. 知道什么最令我嫉妒?
Phoebe: Oh, ok, you know what I don't get? The way guys can do so 女人随时都可以看自己的胸部
many mean things, and then not even care. 低头就看到
(Long pause.) 真搞不懂
Ross: Multiple orgasms! 你们怎么会有心工作
Opening Credits 知道我搞不懂什么吗?
[Scene: Central Perk, all are there.] 男人可以做许多下流的事
Chandler: So, Saturday night, the big night, date night, Saturday 却能毫不在乎
night, Sat-ur-day night! 多重高潮
Joey: No plans, huh? 了不起，周末夜
Chandler: Not a one. 重要的夜晚，约会的夜晚
Ross: Not even, say, breaking up with Janice? 周末夜! 周末夜!
Chandler: Oh, right, right, shut up. 没有计划是吗?
Monica: Chandler, nobody likes breaking up with someone. You just 一个都没有.
gotta do it. 连和珍妮丝分手的打算都没有?
Chandler: No, I know, but it's just so hard, you know? I mean, 对…闭嘴
you're sitting there with her, she has no idea what's happening, 钱德，没有人喜欢分手
and then you finally get up the courage to do it, and there's the 但你还是要做呀.
horrible awkward moment when you've handed her the note. 我知道很难.
Joey: Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man, just stop 我的意思是
calling. 你坐在她身旁而她却一无所知
Phoebe: You know, if you want, I'll do it with you. 最后你鼓起勇气
Chandler: Oh, thanks, but I think she'd feel like we're gangin' 在这实在尴尬的时刻
up on her. 当你将纸条拿给她•，
Phoebe: No, I mean you break up with Janice and I'll break up 干嘛分手?
with Tony. 争气点，不再打电话就行了
Ross: Tony? 如果愿意，我和你一起做
Monica: Oh, you're breaking up with Tony? 谢了，但这样她会认为
Phoebe: Yeah, I know, he's sweet, but it's just not fun anymore, 我们是联手来对付她
you know? I don't know if it's me, or his hunger strike, or, I 你和琼妮分手
don't know. 我和东尼分手
Rachel: (waitressing) Does anybody want anything else? 东尼?你要和东尼分手?
Ross: Oh, yeah, last week you had a wonderful, nutty, chocolatey 对，我知道他人很好.
kind of a cakey pie thing. (Rachel gives him a dirty look) 但是我对他再没新鲜感了.
Nothing, just, just, I'm fine. 我不知道问题是在于我
Phoebe: (to Rachel) What's the matter? Why so scrunchy? 还是他的绝食抗议
Rachel: It's my father. He wants to give me a Mercedes 还有人需要什么吗?
convertible. 我，上星期
Ross: That guy, he burns me up. 你做了有核果，巧克力之类的派
Rachel: Yeah, well, it's a Mercedes if I move back home. Oh, it 没事，我还好
was horrible. He called me young lady. 怎么啦,怪怪的
Chandler: Ooh, I hate when my father calls me that. 是我爸
Monica: Did he give you that whole "You're-not-up-to-this" thing 他要买奔驰敞篷车给我
again? 那家伙真叫我生气
Rachel: Oh, yeah, yeah. Actually, I got the extended disco 如果想要奔驰, 我就得搬回家.
version, with three choruses of "You'll never make it on your 太可恶了
own". 他称我为”年轻的女士”
Phoebe: (rhythmically) Uh-huh, uh-huh. 我最受不了我爸这样叫我
(Angela, a beautiful woman in a tight dress, enters.) 他是不是又说
Angela: Hi, Joey. 你年纪太轻之类的话
Joey: My god, Angela. 对,这次是迪斯科加长版,
(Angela takes a seat at the counter.) 带着三重唱说”你永远不能自立”
Monica: Wow, being dumped by you obviously agrees with her. 嘿,乔伊
Phoebe: Are you gonna go over there? 天呀,安琪拉.
Joey: No, yeah, no, ok, but not yet. I don't wanna seem too 被你甩掉对她大有好处
eager. One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi. That 你想过去吗?
seems pretty cool. (he walks over to her) Hey, Angela. 不想...想...不想
Angela: (casually) Joey. 待会再说,我不想显得太急于见她了.
Joey: You look good. 一个密西西比,两个密西西比,三个密西
Angela: That's because I'm wearing a dress that accents my boobs. 西比,这样显得比较酷
Joey: You don't say. 安琪拉
(Cut to Ross and Rachel, talking next to one of the tables.) 乔伊
Ross: So, uh, Rachel, what are you, uh, what're you doing 你的样子真好.
tonight? 因为我的衣服
Rachel: Oh, big glamour night. Me and Monica at Laundorama. 突显出我的胸部
Ross: Oh, you uh, you wanna hear a freaky coincidence? Guess 看得出来
who's doing laundry there too? 瑞秋，你今晚有何节目?
Rachel: Who? 精彩丰富
Ross: Me. Was that not clear? Hey, why don't, um, why don't I 我要和摩妮卡去洗衣店
just join you both, here? 想知道有个巧合吗?
Rachel: Don't you have a laundry room in your building? 猜猜谁也要去洗衣店?
Ross: Yes, I do have a laundry room in my building, um, but 谁？
there's a.... rat problem. Apparently they're attracted to the 我
dryer sheets, and they're goin' in fine, but they're comin' out 难道还不够清楚?
all.... fluffy. Anyway, say, sevenish? 何不让我加入你们?
Rachel: Sure. 你的公寓没有洗衣间吗?
(Cut back to Joey and Angela at the counter.) 有，我的公寓有洗衣间
Angela: Forget it Joey. I'm with Bob now. 不过, 那儿有老鼠.
Joey: Bob? Who the hell's Bob? 它们显然对
Angela: Bob is great. He's smart, he's sophisticated, and he has 烘干机里的香香纸感兴趣
a real job. You, you go on three auditions a month and you call 进入时还好
yourself an actor, but Bob... 出来是却毛绒绒的
Joey: Come on, we were great together. And not just at the fun 7点左右见?
stuff, but like, talking too. 好吧
Angela: Yeah, well, sorry, Joe. You said let's just be friends, 免了，乔依
so guess what? 我现在和鲍伯交往
Joey: What? 鲍伯?谁是鲍伯?
Angela: We're just friends. 鲍伯简直是棒透了
Joey: Fine, fine, so, why don't the four of us go out and have 聪明，成熟，又有真正的工作
dinner together tonight? You know, as friends? 你每个月面识三次就称自己是演员
Angela: What four of us? 但是鲍伯
Joey: You know, you and Bob, and me and my girlfriend, uh, uh, 我们在一起时很开心
Monica. 不只是寻欢作乐我们也聊得来
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment, Joey is there, trying to 没错，不过抱歉
convince Monica to pose as his girlfriend. His plan is to hook 你曾说我们当朋友就好,
Monica up with Angela's boyfriend Bob and then take Angela back 那么
for himself.] 什么?
Joey: Monica, I'm tellin' you, this guy is perfect for you. 我们只是朋友
Monica: Forget it. Not after your cousin who could belch the 行，我们四个何不一起出去吃晚饭?
alphabet. 就像朋友一样
Joey: Come on. This guy's great. His name's Bob. He's Angela's... 哪四个?
brother. He's smart, he's sophisticated, and he has a real job. 你和鲍伯
Me, I go on three auditions a month and call myself an actor, but 我和我的女友…
Bob is... 摩妮卡
Monica: (looking out window) Oh, god help us. 摩妮卡，他绝对适合你
Joey: What? 算了吧
Monica: Ugly Naked Guy's laying kitchen tile. Eww! 从你那会啧出字母块的表兄后
Joey: Eww! Look, I'm asking a favor here. If I do this for her 我再也不敢领教了
brother, maybe Angela will come back to me. 没骗你，他真的很棒
Monica: What's going on here? You go out with tons of girls. 他叫鲍伯，安琪拉的哥哥
Joey: (proud) I know, but, I made a huge mistake. I never should 鲍伯简直是棒透了
have broken up with her. Will you help me? Please? 聪明，成熟，又有真正的工作
[Scene: Ross' apartment, Chandler is over.] 我呢?
Ross: (on phone) Ok, bye. (hangs up) Well, Monica's not coming, 我每个月面试三次就称自己是演员, 但
it's just gonna be me and Rachel. 是鲍勃...
Chandler: Oh. Well, hold on camper, are you sure you've thought 我的天哪
this thing through? 什么?
Ross: It's laundry. The thinking through is minimal. 丑陋的裸男在铺厨房磁砖
Chandler: It's just you and Rachel, just the two of you? This is 我在求你帮忙
a date. You're going on a date. 如果我能为她哥哥做点事
Ross: Nuh-uh. 或许她会回到我身旁
Chandler: Yuh-huh. 你是怎么了?
Ross: So what're you saying here? I should shave again, pick up 你和千百个女人约会
some wine, what? 我知道
Chandler: Well, you may wanna rethink the dirty underwear. This 我犯了天大的错误
is basically the first time she's gonna see your underwear—you 我不该和她分手
want it to be dirty? 愿意帮我吗?求求你
Ross: (sheepish) No. 好，再见
Chandler: Oh, and uh, the fabric softener? 摩妮卡不能去了
Ross: Ok, ok, now what is wrong with my Snuggles? What, it says 现在只剩我和瑞秋
I'm a sensitive, warm kinda guy, you know, like a warm, fuzzy 等等，老兄你确定自己仔细想过
bear. Ok, I can pick something else up on the way. 只是去洗店没仔细想过
Chandler: There you go. 你是说只有你和瑞秋两个?
[Scene: A fancy restaurant, Joey and Monica are there, meeting 对
Angela and Bob, who Monica thinks is Angela's brother.] 这叫约会，你们要去约会
Monica: Thank you. So what does this Bob guy look like? Is he 不对
tall? Short? 没错的.
Joey: Yep. 你说我该怎么办?
Monica: Which? 该再刮刮胡子或挑瓶美酒?
Joey: Which what? 或许你该再考虑
Monica: You've never met Bob, have you? 你那肮脏的内衣裤
Joey: No, but he's... 为什么?
Monica: Oh my god, Joey, for all we know this guy could be 因为将她首度见到你的内衣裤
horribly... 想让她看见
(Angela and Bob walk in. Bob is good-looking.) 你那肮脏的内衣裤吗?
Angela: Hey, Joey. 不想
Monica: ...horribly attractive. I'll be shutting up now. 还有衣物柔软精
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Phoebe are there, both ready 我的熊宝贝又怎么了?
to break up with their significant others.] 这代表我敏感, 贴心
Chandler: Where are they? Where are they? 就像一只毛绒绒的熊宝贝
Phoebe: This is nice. We never do anything just the two of us. 好吧，我在路上买就是了
Chandler: It's great. Maybe tomorrow we can rent a car and run 这才对路
over some puppies. 谢谢，鲍伯长什么样?
Phoebe: Eww, I don't wanna do that. 到底是高还是矮?
(Janice and Phoebe's boyfriend, Tony, walk in.) 是的
Chandler: Here we go. 什么?
Phoebe: Ok, have a good break-up. 什么什么?
Chandler: Hey, Janice. 你没和鲍伯见过面，对不?
Janice: Oh, my god, I am so glad you called me. I had the most 对，可是…
supremely awful day. 拜托，这家伙可能相当…
Chandler: Hey, that's not good. Can I get an espresso and a latte 嘿,乔伊.
over here, please? 相当吸引人.我闭嘴就是了
Janice: We got the proofs back from that photo shoot, you know, 他们在哪儿?
the one with the little vegetables. Anyway, they pretty much 感觉真好，我们俩从未独处过
sucked, so, I blew off the rest of the day, and I went 对，或许明天
shopping...(looks through her bags)... and I got you, I'm 我们可以租辆车撞几只小狗
looking, I'm looking, I'm looking, I got you... 我不想那样
(Chandler sees Phoebe breaking up with Tony. She talks to him for 她来了
a few seconds, hugs him, and then he leaves. Chandler is amazed 祝你有个愉快的分手
how easy it was for her.) 珍妮丝
Chandler: What? 真高兴你打电话给我
Janice: What? 我从来没这么悲惨的一天
Chandler: (covering) What... did you get me there? 不妙
Janice: I got you...these. (pulls out a pair of socks) 能端杯浓缩咖啡和拿铁来吗?
Chandler: Bullwinkle socks. That's so sweet. 我们刚在摄影小站拍了照
Janice: Well, I knew you had the Rockys, and so I figured, you 有几颗蔬菜的那个
know, you can wear Bullwinkle and Bullwinkle, or you can wear 总之那些蔬菜烂透了
Rocky and Rocky,or, you can mix and match, moose and squirrel. 我的整个下午就这样毁了
Whatever you want. 我去逛街购物
Chandler: That's great. 然后就为你买了…
(The drinks arrive, and Chandler downs his espresso in one gulp.) 让我找找…让我找找
Chandler: Well, I'm gonna get another espresso. Can I get you 我为你…
another latte? 什么?
Janice: (holding the full cup) No, no, I'm still working on mine. 你帮我买什么?
(Chandler walks over to the counter where Phoebe is, and is 我帮你买…这个
asking her about the break-up.) 布文哥袜
Chandler: That's it? 真可爱
Phoebe: Yeah, it was really hard. 我知道你已有洛基
Chandler: Oh, yeah, that hug looked pretty brutal. 所以我想你可以穿一双布文哥
Phoebe: Ok, you weren't there. 或穿一双洛基
[Scene: The Launderama, Rachel is there, waiting for Ross. An old 或混着穿，随你高兴
woman takes Rachel's clothes off the machine and begins loading 我再去叫一杯浓缩咖啡
it with her things.] 想再来一杯拿铁吗?
Woman: Comin' through. Move, move. 不用了，我的还没喝完
Rachel: Oh, 'scuse me. I was kinda using that machine. 就这样?
Woman: Yeah, well, now you're kinda not. 对，真的很难
Rachel: But I saved it. I put my basket on top. 哦,是么, 那个拥抱看起来还真绝情呢
Woman: Oh, I'm sorry, is that your basket? It's really pretty. 你又不是当事人!
Unfortunately, I don't see suds. 借过，让开…
Rachel: What? 抱歉，我似乎用这台洗衣机
Woman: No suds, no save. Ok? 是吗?不过现在"似乎"不是了
(Ross arrives.) 但是我占位置了,
Ross: What's goin' on? 我放了篮子在上面.
Rachel: Hi, uh, nothing. That horrible woman just took my 抱歉，这是你的篮子吗?
machine. 对
Ross: Was your basket on top? 真漂亮，但是我没看到肥皂水.
Rachel: Yeah, but, there were no suds. 什么?
Ross: So? 没肥皂水就不算保留，行吗?
Rachel: Well, you know, no suds, no save. 怎么了?
Ross: No suds? Excuse me, hold on a second. (to woman) That's my 没什么
friend's machine. 这位凶婆娘抢了我的洗衣机
Woman: Hey, hey, hey, her stuff wasn't in it. 你有把篮子放上面吗?
Ross: Hey, hey, hey, that's not the rule and you know it. 有，但是没有肥皂水?
(The woman and Ross stare at each other. Finally she takes her 然后呢?
stuff out of the machine and leaves.) 没肥皂水就不算保留
Ross: (to the crowd in the laundromat) All right, show's over. 没肥皂水就不算保留
Nothing to see here. (to Rachel) Ok, let's do laundry. 抱歉，等等
Rachel: That was amazing. I can't even send back soup. 这是我朋友用的机器
Ross: Well, that's because you're such a sweet, gentle, uh...Do 她的东西没在里面
you, uh, do you...Oh, hey, uh you must need detergent. 你明知规矩不是这样的
(Ross pulls out a huge box of laundry detergent.) 表演结束
Rachel: What's that? 没什么好看的
Ross: Uberveiss. It's new, it's German, it's extra-tough. 洗衣服吧
(Rachel starts to load her clothes.) 这简直是太神奇了
Ross: Rach, do you uh, are you gonna separate those? 我连汤都不敢退
Rachel: Oh god. Oh, am I being like a total laundry spaz? I mean, 因为你是个即温柔, 又可爱的
am I supposed to use like one machine for shirts and another 你得用洗衣粉
machine for pants? 那是什么?
Ross: Rach, have you never done this before? 乌伯怀斯，
Rachel: Well, not myself, but I know other people that have. Ok, 来自德国的新产品
you caught me. I'm a laundry virgin. 洗净力超强
Ross: Uh, well, don't worry, I'll use the gentle cycle. Ok, um, 瑞秋，你准备分开洗吗?
basically you wanna use one machine for all your whites, a whole 我像个洗衣大白痴
nother machine for colors, and a third for your uh, your uh, 我得用一台洗衬衣
delicates, and that would be your bras and your under-panty 用另一台洗裤子吗?
things. 你没洗过衣服?
Rachel: (holds a pair of panties in front of Ross) Ok, Well, what 没有，
about these are white cotton panties. Would they go with whites 但我认识这样洗过的人
or delicates? 好吧，被你发现了
Ross: (visibly nervous) Uh, that, that, that would be a judgment 我"第一次"衣服
call. 别担心，我会用"轻柔"循环
[Scene: Fancy restaurant, Monica, Joey, Angela, and Bob are 你得用一台
seated at the table.] 洗你全部的白衣
Monica: (to Joey) He is so cute. (to Angela and Bob) So, where 白衣
did you guys grow up? 另一台
Angela: Brooklyn Heights. 洗其他颜色的衣服
Bob: Cleveland. 其他颜色的衣服
Monica: How, how did that happen? 第三台洗贴身…
Joey: Oh my god. 胸罩和内裤之类的
Monica: What? 这些棉质的白色内裤呢?
Joey: I suddenly had the feeling that I was falling. But I'm not. 与白衣还是贴身衣物一起洗?
Commercial Break 随便你罗
[Scene: Fancy restaurant, Joey and Bob are talking.] 他好可爱
Joey: So, you and Angela, huh? 你们在哪儿长大?
Bob: Yep. Pretty much. 布鲁克林
Joey: You're a lucky man. You know what I miss the most about 克里佛兰
her? That cute nibbly noise when she eats. Like a happy little 怎么会这样?
squirrel, or a weasel. 哎哟.
Bob: Huh, I never really noticed. 我突然有种...坠落的感觉
Joey: Oh, yeah, yeah, listen for it. 但是没有.
Bob: Monica, Monica is great. 你和安琪拉在一起?
Joey: Yeah, but it's not gonna last. She's too much for me in 差不多
bed. Sexually. 你真幸运
[Scene: The ladies' bathroom at the restaurant, Monica and Angela 知道我最想念她什么?
are talking.] 她轻啃东西的声音
Monica: I've gotta tell you, Bob is terrific. 好像是快乐的小松鼠
Angela: Yeah, isn't he? 或是鼬
Monica: It is so great to meet a guy who is smart and funny, and 我倒是没注意过
has an emotional age beyond, like eight. 以后注意听
Angela: You know what else? He's unbelievable in bed. 摩妮卡，摩妮卡很好
Monica: Wow. My brother never even told me when he lost his 没错，不过不会维持很久.
virginity. 我心有余而力不足…
Angela: Huh. That's nice. 在床上
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is coaching Chandler on how to break 我得告诉你
up with Janice.] 鲍伯简直是太棒了
Phoebe: Ok, you can do this. It's just like pulling off a Band- 可不是吗
aid. Just do it really fast, and then the wound is exposed. 能遇上聪明幽默
(Chandler walks back to couch, where Janice is.) 心智年龄超过八岁的人真棒
Chandler: Janice. Hi, Janice. Ok, here we go. I don't think we 知道吗?
should go out anymore. Janice. 他的床上更是一流
Janice: All right. Well, there you go. (she gets extremely wound 我哥从未告诉我
up, and begins to try and calm herself down) Stop it, stop it, 他何时失去童贞
stop it. 真好
[Scene: The laundromat.] 你能办到的
Rachel: Ok, I know this is gonna sound really stupid, but I feel 这就像是拔绷带一样
that if I can do this, you know, if I can actually do my own 快速拔起露出伤口
laundry, there isn't anything I can't do. 快走
Ross: That does not sound stupid to me. You know, it's like the 珍妮丝…
first time I had to make dinner for myself, after Carol left me? 管他的
(the buzzer on the washer goes off) I'm sorry, that's all the 我想我们不该再交往下去了
time we have. Next on Ross...(opens up the washer) Uh-oh. 珍妮丝
Rachel: What uh-oh? 我知道了…
Ross: (not wanting to tell her) Uh-oh, uh-oh, the laundry's done. 停下来,停下来....
It's, uh, it's a song. The laundry song that we sing. (singing) 我知道
Uh-oh the laundry's done, uh-oh, uh-oh. 这听起来很可笑
Rachel: Ross, what's the matter? 我想我可以洗衣服的话
Ross: Nothing, nothing. Lee-lo, the laundry's done. 我就没有办不到的事
Rachel: Come on, show me. 我一点都不觉得可笑
Ross: All right, all right, it's just that you left a red sock in 太好了
with all your whites, and now, everything's kinda pink. 就像卡罗尔离开后
Rachel: Oh, everything's pink. 我第一次动手做晚饭
Ross: Yeah, uh, except for the red sock, which is still red. I'm 抱歉，时间到
sorry, please don't be upset, it could happen to anyone. 下集再来谈罗斯
Rachel: Except it didn't. It happened to me. Oh, god, I'm gonna 怎么了?
look like a big marshmallow peep. What am I doing? What am I 衣服洗好了
doing? My father's right. I can't live on my own! I can't even do 这是一首歌
laundry! 我们唱的一首洗衣歌
(The woman who had tried to steal the washing machine walks by, 衣服洗好了
and laughs.) 罗斯，到底怎么了?
[Scene: The fancy restaurant, Angela has her hand in Bob's shirt, 没事, 衣服洗好了…
and Monica is very uncomfortable.] 罗斯，快给我看…
Monica: Something went wrong with Underdog, and they couldn't get 好吧，你把一只红袜放到白色衣物里面
his head to inflate. So anyway, um, his head is like flopping 了
down Broadway, right, and I'm just thinking... how inappropriate 所以白衣
this is. Um, I've got something in my eye, uh, Joey, could we 全变成粉红色
check it in the light, please? 全变成粉红色?
(Her and Joey walk away from the table.) 对，但红袜还是红袜
Monica: Oh my god. 抱歉，千万别伤心
Joey: What? 任何人都可能发生这种事
Monica: Hello! Were we at the same table? It's like... cocktails 不，它只发生在我身上
in Appalachia. 我穿这些看来会像一只粉红猪
Joey: Come on, they're close. 我爸说得对，我无法独立生活
Monica: Close? She's got her tongue in his ear. 我连洗衣服都不会
Joey: Oh, like you've never gotten a little rambunctious with 狗气球出了意外
Ross. 他的头无法膨胀
Monica: Joey, this is sick, it's disgusting, it's, it's—not 于是他的头就落在百老汇
really true, is it? 我心想这实在太不像话了
Joey: Well, who's to say what's true? I mean... 有东西跑进我眼睛
Monica: Oh my god, what were you thinking? 乔依，能到灯下帮我看看吗?
Joey: All right, look, I'm not proud of this, ok? Well, maybe I 我的天呀!
am a little. 怎么啦?
Monica: (hits him lightly) Oh! 我们是坐在同一桌吗?
Joey: Ow! 这太离谱了
Monica: (leaving) I'm outta here. 拜托，他们姐弟感情很好
Joey: Wait, wait, wait. You want him, I want her. He likes you. 感情很好?
Monica: Really? 她舌头都伸进了他的耳朵
Joey: Yeah. I'm thinking, if we put our heads together, between 你和罗斯就不会有小动作?
the two of us, we can break them up. 乔伊，这是病态, 太恶心了
[Time lapse, Monica accidentally spilled her drink on Bob's shirt 这不是真的，对不?
and is wiping it off. Joey is making eyes at Angela.] 谁说是真的?
Monica: I'm so sorry, I can't believe I did this, but I couldn't 你到底在想什么?
stop laughing at your Norman Mailer story. 好吧，我也不喜欢这样
(Angela is eating chicken wings and making the weasel-like noise 或许有一点
Joey had told Bob about.) 我要走了
Joey: Uh, waiter, one more plate of chicken wings over here. 等等，你喜欢他
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is still trying to ease things 我要她，他喜欢你
over with Janice, and there are about a dozen empty Espresso cups 真的?
in front of him. He is extremely wired.] 没错.
Chandler: Here's the thing, Janice. You know, I mean, it's like 我想只要我们一起想办法
we're different. I'm like the bing, bing, bing. You're like the 就能让他们分开
boom, boom, (Chandler flails his hand out and hits Janice in the 真是抱歉没想到我会这样
eye)... boom. 你的故事让我笑得嘴巴合不拢
Janice: Ow! 服务生，再来一盘鸡翅
Chandler: Oh, my god, I'm so sorry. Are you ok? 珍妮丝
Janice: Ow. Um, it's just my lens. It's just my lens. I'll be 我们是不同类型的人
right back. 我的声音就好像丁丁丁
(She leaves.) 你的声音就好像梆梆梆
Chandler: (to Phoebe) I hit her in the eye! I hit her in the eye! 糟了，抱歉
This is the worst break-up in the history of the world. 你没事吧
Phoebe: Oh my god. (Chandler downs another espresso.) How many of 没事，只是我的隐形眼镜
those have you had? 等会儿就没事了，
Chandler: Oh, I don't know, a million? 我马上回来
Phoebe: Chandler, easy, easy. Go to your happy place. La la la la 我打中她的眼睛
la la la. 这是有史以来世上最糟糕的分手
Chandler: I'm fine. 我的天
Phoebe: All right. 你到底喝了几杯?
(Janice returns from the bathroom.) 我也不知道
Chandler: I'm not fine. Here she comes. 百万杯?
Phoebe: Wait here. Breathe. 钱德，放轻松
(Phoebe goes over to speak to Janice. She talks to her for a few 快回到你的快乐天堂
seconds, and then Janice immediately smiles, hugs her, waves to 我没事的…
Chandler, and leaves.) 不妙，她回来了
Chandler: How do you do that? 在这儿等着，深呼吸
Phoebe: It's like a gift. 你是怎么办到的?
Chandler: We should always always break up together. 我有天赋.
Phoebe: Oh, I'd like that. 我们每次都应该一起"分手"
[Scene: The Launderama. Rachel is sorting her now-pink clothes.] 我乐意之至
Ross: You got the clothes clean. Now that's the important part. 你已把衣服洗净
Rachel: Oh, I guess. Except everything looks like jammies now. 现在是重要部份
(The same woman walks over and takes Rachel's laundry cart.) 大概吧
Rachel: Whoa, I'm sorry. Excuse me. We had this cart. 只是衣服都成了睡衣
Woman: Yeah, well, I had a 24-inch waist. You lose things. Now 抱歉，推车是我们的
come on, get outta my way. 是吗?
(Rachel looks at Ross, who motions to her to get the cart back.) 我的腰围也曾是一尺八
Rachel: I'm sorry, you know, maybe I wasn't being clear. Uh, this 但是时过境迁
is our cart. 请让道.
Woman: Hey, hey, hey there aren't any clothes in it. 抱歉，或许我没说清楚
Rachel: Hey, hey, hey, hey, quit making up rules! 这是我们的推车
Woman: Let go! 这上面没有衣服
(They struggle for the cart. Finally, Rachel climbs inside of 你又再乱编规矩了
it.) 放手
Rachel: All right, listen, missy. If you want this cart, you're 车是我的，我先看到的
gonna have to take me with it! 好吧，想用这辆车
(She thinks it over, and then walks away.) 你就得推着我一起走
Rachel: (to Ross) Yes! Did you see that? 我赢了，看见没?
Ross: You were incredible! Brand new woman, ladies and gentlemen. 你真是太神奇了
Rachel: I could not have done this without you. 各位，一位脱胎换骨的新女性
(Rachel stands up and kisses Ross. He is stunned. A moment of 多亏了你我才能办到
silence follows.) 烘干机里还有衣服?
Ross: Ok, um, uh, more clothes in the dryer? (Ross turns and 我没事...没事
bangs his head on an open dryer door.) I'm fine, I'm fine. 你确定没事?
Rachel: Are you sure? 嗯
Ross: No. 还疼么?
Closing Credits 真是聪明，衣服颜色都一样
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe are there. Ross 我也要这么做
has an icepack to his head.] 嘿,怎么样啦?
Rachel: Oh, are you sure you're ok? 我们把那一对佳人掰成两半
Ross: Yeah. 一人一半
Rachel: Does it still hurt? 真是美丽动人的故事
Ross: Yeah. 我已经没事了.
Phoebe: (seeing Rachel's clothes) What a neat idea. All your 钱德在哪儿?
clothes match. I'm gonna do this. 他需要一点时间疗伤
(Monica and Joey enter.) 我自由了…
Monica: Hi. 他应该复原了
Phoebe: Hey, how'd it go?
Joey: Excellent.
Monica: We ripped that couple apart, and kept the pieces for
ourselves.
Ross: What a beautiful story. Hey, I'm fine by the way.
Monica: (notices his head) Oh, I'm sorry.
Rachel: Where's Chandler?
Phoebe: Oh, he needed some time to grieve.
(Chandler runs by the window outside, joyous.)
Chandler: I'm free! I'm free!
Phoebe: That oughta do it.
End

106 The One With the Butt

106 The One With the Butt 106 屁股秀

[Scene: A Theater, the gang is in the audience wating for a play 你们看，是乔伊的照片
of Joey's to start.] 真是令人兴奋
Rachel: (reading the program) Ooh! Look! Look! Look! Look, 你总是能看见
there's Joey's picture! This is so exciting! 从未在自己作品中出现的某人，注意力
Chandler: You can always spot someone who's never seen one of his 强，无畏无惧，就算死到临头也不自觉
plays before. Notice, no fear, no sense of impending doom... 标题上的惊叹号，令我有点害怕
Phoebe: The exclamation point in the title scares me. (Gesturing) 这不只是佛洛依德，而是佛洛依德!
Y'know, it's not just Freud, it's Freud! 安静，奇迹就要出现
(The lights dim.) 伊娃，你今天的表现不错
Ross: Oh, shhh, shh. Magic is about to happen. 我得说
(The lights go up on the stage, Joey, as Freud, is talking to a 你的问题相当清楚
female patient.) ……^_^；
Joey: well, Eva, we've done some excellent work here, and I would
have to say, your problem is quite clear. (He goes into a song
and dance number.)
All you want is a dingle,
What you envy's a schwang,
A thing through which you can tinkle,
Or play with, or simply let hang... 我感觉自己受到冒犯了
Opening Credits 还有其他人感觉,只想剥自己的皮,如果
[Scene: The Theater, the play has ended and everyone is 他们还有其他事可做?
applauding. As soon as the cast leaves, the gang all groan and 罗斯，十点钟
sit down heavily.] 是吗?感觉像是两点
Rachel: God. I feel violated. 不，十点钟
Monica: Did anybody else feel they just wanted to peel the skin 什么?
off their body, to have something else to do? 一位美女在8，9，10点钟方向
Chandler: (staring at a woman across the room) Ross, ten o'clock.
Ross: Is it? Feels like two. 她简直就是仙女下凡
Chandler: No, ten o'clock. 她让我的梦中情人,变得有如矮胖的秃子
Ross: What? 过去啊，她旁边没人
Chandler: (sighs and gestures to explain) There's a beautiful 对，我该用什么开场白?
woman at eight, nine, ten o'clock! 对不起,啦啦啦啦之类的
Ross: Oh. Hel-lo! 拜托，她只是个人，你罩得住
Chandler: She's amazing! She makes the women that I dream about 请告诉我，我配得上她吗?
look like short, fat, bald men! 罗斯，帮我壮壮胆
Monica: Well, go over to her! She's not with anyone. 他这副德行
Chandler: Oh yeah, and what would my opening line be? 'Excuse me. 一辈子都别想把到这种美女
Blarrglarrghh.' 谢了，老兄
Rachel: Oh, c'mon. She's a person, you can do it! 但这种美女，
Chandler: Oh please, could she be more out of my league? Ross, 身边总是跟着蹩脚货
back me up here. 你也可以成为其中之一
Ross: He could never get a woman like that in a million years. 没错，你能办到
Chandler: Thank you, buddy. 你也认为?是的.
Phoebe: Oh, oh, but y'know, you always see these really beautiful 没想到我竟有这种念头
women with these really nothing guys, you could be one of those 我一向谨言慎行
guys. 快去
Monica: You could do that! 我上了
Chandler: Y'think? 有事吗?
All: Yeah! 下个字是…Chandler
Chandler: Oh God, I can't believe I'm even considering this... 我叫Chandler
I'm very very aware of my tongue... 我知道，你说过
Ross: C'mon! C'mon! 对，我说过
Chandler: Here goes. (He walks over to her but just stands 但我没说我想说...
there.) 愿意与我约会吗?
Aurora: ...Yes? 谢谢，晚安
Chandler: Hi.... um... okay, next word... would be... Chandler! 钱德
Chandler is my name, and, uh...(He clears his throat 他出来了
noisily)...hi. 想不到你会跳舞
Aurora: Yes, you said that. 你演戏了
Chandler: Yes, yes I did, but what I didn't say was what I was 你刮掉胡子了
about to say, what I wanted to say was, uh... would you like to 感觉如何?
go out with me sometime, thankyou, goodnight. (He walks back to 想不到你会跳舞
the others but she calls him back.) 你演戏了
Aurora: Chandler? 拜托，没那么糟吧
(Joey enters from behind a curtain. The others all talk at 我是主角
once.) 这次我在轮唱中出现
All: Hey! You're in a play! I didn't know you could dance! You 至少你们可以看见我的头
had a beard! 对没错，我们有看见你的头
Joey: Whadja think? 她答应了…
(Pause) 好烂的戏
All: ...Hey! You're in a play! I didn't know you could dance! You 她叫亚萝拉，来自义大利
had a beard! 她叫我”Chandlerrrrrrr”
Joey: C'mon, you guys, it wasn't that bad. It was better than 我喜欢她这样称呼我
that thing I did with the trolls, at least you got to see my 领座员要我把它交给你
head. Estelle Leonard经纪公司
All: (admitting) Saw your head. Saw your head. 经纪公司拿名片给我
Chandler: (running back) She said yes!! She said yes!! (To Joey) 或许他们想和我签约
Awful play, man. Whoah. (To All) Her name's Aurora, and she's 因为这场戏?
Italian, and she pronounces my name 'Chand-lrr'. 'Chand-lrr'. I 因为这一场戏
think I like it better that way. (To Joey) Oh, listen, the usher 嘿,伙计们?
gave me this to give to you. (He fishes a card out of his 嘿
pocket.) 不，因为这是感情线
Rachel: What is it? 而这一条只是普通线
Joey: The Estelle Leonard Talent Agency. Wow, an agency left me 我无法相信
its card! Maybe they wanna sign me! 我坐在这儿七秒钟
Phoebe: Based on this play? ...Based on this play! 竟没人问我的约会如何?
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone else is there as Chandler enters.] 你的约会如何，钱德?
Chandler: Hey, kids. 真是令人难以置信
All: Hey. 我没见过像她那样的人
Phoebe: (reading Monica's palm) No, 'cause this line is passion, 她的生活真是太令人称羡了
and this is... just a line. 她穿过以色列阵地
Chandler: Well, I can't believe I've been here almost seven 幸好子弹没打中引擎
seconds and you haven't asked me how my date went. 我们才能越过边界
Monica: Oh, right, right. How was your date, 'Chand-lrr'? 真是有惊无险
Chandler: It was unbelievable. I-I've never met anyone like her. 我整晚都在谈我自己，抱歉
She's had the most amazing life! She was in the Israeli army... 你呢?说来听听嘛
(A flashback of Aurora and Chandler on their date in Central Perk 有一回晚上我搭地铁
is denoted by italics.) 到布鲁克林区
Aurora: ...Luckily none of the bullets hit the engine block. So, 然后活着回来
we made it to the border, but just barely, and I- ...I've been 我们一直谈到两点
talking about myself all night long, I'm sorry. What about you? 那真是个美好的夜晚
Tell me one of your stories. 可以这么说
Chandler: Alright. Once I got on the subway, right, and it was at 突然我们发现自己身在叶门
night, and I rode it all the way to Brooklyn... just for the hell 我们,我们是谁?
of it. 我和瑞克
Chandler: We talked 'til like two. It was this perfect evening... 瑞克是谁?
more or less. 我丈夫
Aurora: ...All of a sudden we realised we were in Yammon. 噢呜呜呜呜呜呜呜
Chandler: Oh, I'm sorry, so 'we' is? 这么说你们已经离婚
Aurora: 'We' would be me and Rick. 没有
Joey: Who's Rick? 对不起，这么说你是寡妇?
Chandler: Who's Rick? 希望如此
Aurora: My husband. 不，我们还是夫妻
All: Ooooohhh. 告诉我你丈夫做何感想?
Chandler: Oh, so you're divorced? 你坐在我身旁脚伸到我大腿
Aurora: No. 足以数我口袋里的零钱?
Chandler: Oh, I'm sorry, then you're widowed?...Hopefully? 别担心，我想他会接受的
Aurora: No, I'm still married. 因为他也接受伊森这么做
Chandler: So tell me, how do- how do you think your husband would 伊森?
feel about you sitting here with me?...Sliding your foot so far 有伊森这号人物?
up my pant leg you can count the change in my pocket? 伊森是我的男友
Aurora: Don't worry. I imagine he'd be okay with you because 什么?
really, he's okay with Ethan. 告诉我你期待
Chandler: Ethan? There's, there's an Ethan? 我们之间会有什么关系
Aurora: Mmmm... Ethan is my... boyfriend. 既然你已有丈夫和男友
All: What?! 大概是性关系吧
Chandler: So explain something to me here, uh, what kind of a 真是遗憾，你们吹了
relationship do you imagine us having if you already have a 什么吹了?
husband and a boyfriend? 周四我还要和她约会
Aurora: I suppose mainly sexual. 难道你没听懂?
Chandler: ...Hm. 难道你没听懂?
Monica: Oh. I'm sorry it didn't work out. 这太离谱了
Chandler: What 'not work out'? I'm seeing her again on Thursday. 你怎能和这种女人交往?
Didn't you listen to the story? 开始我也无法接受
Monica: Didn't you listen to the story? I mean, this is twisted! 但后来我想此事百益而无一害
How could you get involved with a woman like this? 只有谈天说笑和做爱
Chandler: Well, y'know, I had some trouble with it at first too, 不用负任何责任
but the way I look at it is, I get all the good stuff: all the 这是每个男人的梦想
fun, all the talking, all the sex; and none of the 是吗?未必吧
responsibility. I mean, this is every guy's fantasy! 罗斯，这是你的梦想吗?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah. That is not true. Ross, is this your fantasy? 当然不是
Ross: No, of course not! (Thinks) ...Yeah, yeah, it is. 没错，是
Monica: What? So you guys don't mind going out with someone else 你们男生不介意
who's going out with someone else? 和已有对象的女人交往?
Joey: I couldn't do it. 我办不到
Monica: Good for you, Joey. 干得好，乔伊
Joey: When I'm with a woman, I need to know that I'm going out 和女人交往时
with more people than she is. 我必须确定
Ross: Well, y'know, monogamy can be a, uh, tricky concept. I 我交往的对象比她多
mean, anthropologically speaking- 一夫一妻值得商榷
(They all pretend to fall asleep.) 就人类学的观点而言…
Ross: Fine. Fine, alright, now you'll never know. 行…这是你们的损失
Monica: We're kidding. C'mon, tell us! 逗你的，告诉我们吧
All: Yeah! C'mon! 快说，我们想知道
Ross: Alright. There's a theory, put forth by Richard Leakey- 好吧理查李奇提出这样的理论…
(They all fall asleep again.) 现在都这样打招呼吗?我喜欢
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is there as enter except Joey 瞧，我大扫除了
enter.] 我擦窗户，拖地板
Rachel: Tah-daaah! 我甚至还用了吸尘器上的所有装置
Chandler: Are we greeting each other this way now? 'Cause I like 除了圆形有鬃毛那个之外
that. 因为我不知道用途为何
Rachel: Look! I cleaned! I did the windows, I did the floors... I 没人知道，我们也不该问
even used all the attachments on the vacuum, except that little 你们感觉怎样?
round one with the bristles, I don't know what that's for. 你移动了垫椅
Ross: Oh yeah, nobody knows. And we're not supposed to ask. 怎么会呢?
Rachel: Well, whaddya think? 我不知道
All: Very clean! It looks great! Terrific! 我以为摆那儿会更好看
Monica: ...Oh! I-I see you moved the green ottoman. 咖啡桌旁就多了一个座位
All: Uh-oh... 这倒有意思
Monica: How-how did that happen? 这样好了，只是好玩
Rachel: I dunno.. I-I thought it looked better there. And I- and 我们看它在原来位置的感觉如何
also, it's an extra seat around the coffee table. 只是做个比较
Monica: Yeah, yeah, it's interesting.. but y'know what? Just for 放那儿也不错
fun, let's see what it looked like in the old spot. (She moves 就摆那儿一阵子吧
it.) Alright, just to compare. Let's see. Well, it looks good 我无法相信你竟敢搬动垫椅
there too. Let's just leave it there for a while. 幸好你没摊开杂志
Phoebe: (to Rachel) I can't believe you tried to move the green 否则她铁定会挖出你的眼睛
ottoman. 各位，我没那么凶吧
Chandler: Thank God you didn't try to fan out the magazines. I 你就那么凶
mean, she'll scratch your eyes right out. 记得我们住在一起时吗?
Monica: You guys, I am not that bad! 你就像个…
Phoebe: Yeah, you are, Monica. Remember when I lived with you? 这太不公平了
You were like, a little, y'know, (psycho) Ree! Ree! Ree! Ree! 拜托，我们小时候
Monica: That is so unfair! 你的”破娃娃”是唯一不破的
Ross: Oh c'mon! When we were kids, yours was the only Raggedy Ann 我有责任感有组织性
doll that wasn't raggedy! 可是我也能很懒散
Monica: Okay, so I'm responsible, I'm organised. But hey, I can 好吧，懒女人，想像这个情况
be a kook. 电话单来
Ross: Alright, you madcap gal. Try to imagine this. The phone 但你不立刻去交钱
bill arrives, but you don't pay it right away. 为什么?
Monica: Why not? 因为你是个大懒人
Ross: Because you're a kook! Instead you wait until they send you 直拖到他们寄催缴通知单来
a notice. 我可以办到
Monica: I could do that. 你让我去买日常用品
Rachel: Okay, uh, you let me go grocery shopping, and I buy 我买了洗衣粉,
laundry detergent, but it's not the one with the easy-pour spout. 但是是不容易弄出来那种.
Monica: Why would someone do that?! ...One might wonder. 有人会那样做吗?
Chandler: Someone's left a glass on the coffee table. There's no 有人会想…
coaster. It's a cold drink, it's a hot day. Little beads of 有人在咖啡桌上留下杯子
condensation are inching their way closer and closer to the 桌上没有垫子，天气很热,
surface of the wood... 那是一杯冷饮
Monica: STOP IT!! ...Oh my God. It's true! Who am I? 小水珠逐渐逼近桌面…
Ross: Monica? You're Mom. 够了
(Monica gasps.) 天啊，没错，我到是谁?
Phoebe: Ree! Ree! Ree! Ree! Ree! 摩妮卡，你是妈妈那样的.
(Joey enters and he's on the phone.) 天啊，
Joey: (on phone) Uh huh.. uh huh... oh my God! Okay! Okay, I'll 好，我会去的
be there! (He hangs up and to all.) That was my agent. (He tosses 我的经纪人打来的
and catches the phone.) My agent has just gotten me a job...in 他安排我在艾尔帕西诺的新片中演出
the new Al Pacino movie! 太棒了…
All: Oh my God! Whoah! 演什么角色?
Monica: Well, what's the part? 你们能相信吗?
Joey: Can you believe this? Al Pacino! This guy's the reason I 是艾尔帕西诺
became an actor! "I'm out of order? Pfeeeh. You're out of order! 我就是喜欢他
This whole courtroom's out of order!" 才立志要当演员
Phoebe: Seriously, what-what's the part? 我失控，你也失控
Joey: "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!" 这整个法庭都失控了
Ross: C'mon, seriously, Joey, what's the part? 言归正传，什么角色?
Joey: ...I'm his (mumbles) 当我认为已出局时
Rachel: ..You're, you're 'mah mah mah' what? 他们却又将我拉回
Joey: ...I'm his butt double. 'Kay? I play Al Pacino's butt. 快老实说，什么角色?
Alright? He goes into the shower, and then- I'm his butt. 你是…什么?
Monica: (trying not to laugh) Oh my God. 我是他臀部的替身
Joey: C'mon, you guys. This is a real movie, and Al Pacino's in 我演艾尔帕西诺的臀部
it, and that's big! 他走进浴室
Chandler: Oh no, it's terrific, it's... it's... y'know, you 然后我就是他的屁股
deserve this, after all your years of struggling, you've finally 天那
been able to crack your way into show business. 别这样
Joey: Okay, okay, fine! Make jokes, I don't care! This is a big 这是一部艾尔帕西诺主演大制作的电影
break for me! 别误会，这真是太棒了
Ross: You're right, you're right, it is...So you gonna invite us 这是你应得的
all to the big opening? 这是你多年努力的成果
Commercial Break 你终于能登上大银幕
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Monica is getting 行，笑吧，我不在乎
the door.] 这是我千载难逢的机会
Monica: Alright, alright, alright... 没错，你准备邀请
(Joey enters with Monica's paper and hands it to her.) 我们参加你的首映会吗?
Joey: Here. I need to borrow some moisturizer. 雷
Monica: For what? 我得向你借些保湿乳液
Joey: What do you think? Today's the big day! 干什么呢?
Monica: Oh my God. Okay, go into the bathroom, use whatever you 你认为呢?
want, just don't ever tell me what you did in there. 今天可是我的大日子
Joey: Thank you! (He goes into the bathroom.) 好吧，进浴室要用什么自己拿
(Chandler enters with the phone.) 只是别告诉我你在里面干什么
Chandler: Where's Joey? His mom's on the phone. 谢谢
Monica: He's in the bathroom. I don't think you wanna go in 乔伊在哪儿?他妈打电话来
there! 他在浴室里，你最好别进去
Chandler: C'mon, we're roommates! (He goes into the bathroom, 拜托，我们是室友
screams, and runs back out.) My eyes!! My eyes!! 我的眼睛!我的眼睛!
Monica: I warned you... 我警告过你
(Rachel enters from her room.) 谁在大吼大叫
Rachel: Who is being loud? 一定是摩妮卡
Chandler: Oh, that would be Monica. Hey, listen, I wanna borrow a 我能借点东西吗?
coupla things, Aurora spent the night, I really wanna make her 萝拉昨晚在这儿过夜
breakfast. 我想为她做早点
Monica: Oh, you got the whole night, huh? 她陪你一夜?
Chandler: Yeah, well, I only have twenty minutes until Ethan, so, 没错，我们只剩20分钟
y'know.. (He starts to raid the fridge.) 直到伊森…
Rachel: Ooh, do I sense a little bit of resentment? 难道你后悔了?
Chandler: No, no resentment, believe me, it's worth it. 'Kay? 当然不后悔
Y'know in a relationship you have these key moments that you know 相信我，绝对值得
you'll remember for the rest of your life? Well, every- single- 在你交往的过程中
second is like that with Aurora.. and I've just wasted about 有多少重要的时刻
thirty-five of them talking to you people, so, uh.. Monica, can 会让你怀念一辈子?
you help me with the door? (He has armloads of stuff.) 与萝拉相处的每一秒都是
Monica: Sure. Oh, um, Chandler? Y'know, the-the old Monica would- 而我已浪费35秒和你们说话
would remind you to scrub that Teflon pan with a plastic 摩妮卡请帮我开门
brush...But I'm not gonna do that. 当然
(She opens the door and he leaves.) 钱德，老摩妮卡会提醒你
[Scene: A Film Set, Joey is entering for his scene.] 用塑胶刷刷铁弗龙锅
Director: (on phone)...Dammit, hire the girl! (He hangs up the 但我不会那么做的
phone.) Okay, everybody ready? 门把，可恶
Joey: Uh, listen, I just wanna thank you for this great 请个女人算了
opportunity. 大家准备好没?
Director: Lose the robe. 我只是想感谢你给我这个机会
Joey: Me? 解开浴袍
Director: That would work. 这样才能演
Joey: Right. Okay. Losing the robe. (He takes off the robe.) And 好，我正解开浴袍
the robe is lost. 浴袍已解开
Director: Okay, everybody, we'd like to get this in one take, 各位，我想一次解决
please. Let's roll it.. water's working (The shower starts).. 来吧，放水
and... action. 开始
(Joey starts to the shower with a grim, determined look on his 停
face.) 屁股男，你在干什么?
Director: And cut. Hey, Butt Guy, what the hell are you doing? 我在洗澡
Joey: Well, I'm- I'm showering. 不，你在挤屁股
Director: No, that was clenching. 我认为他很沮丧
Joey: Oh. Well, the way I see it, the guy's upset here, y'know? I 他的太太死了，弟弟失踪了
mean, his wife's dead, his brother's missing... I think his butt 我想他的屁股一定很愤怒
would be angry here. 我想他的屁股
Director: I think his butt would like to get this shot before 会想在午餐前杀青
lunch. Once again, rolling... water working... and action....and 再来一次
cut. What was that? 开机
Joey: I was going for quiet desperation. But if you have to 放水
ask... 开始
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Aurora and Chandler are in bed in 停
Chandler's room.] 你又在干什么?
Chandler: God, I love these fingers... 我要表现出绝望
Aurora: Thank you. 但如果你想问
Chandler: No, actually I meant my fingers. Look at 'em, look at 天啊，我爱这些手指
how happy they are. 谢谢
Aurora: (moves Chandler's arm and look at his watch.) Oh my God, 不，我是指我的手指
I'm late. (She starts to get up.) 你瞧它们多开心
Chandler: Oh no nonononononnononono, don't go.. (He kisses her 天啊，我来不及了
and pulls her back down.) 我得走了
Aurora: Okay. 好吧
Chandler: Don't go. 抱歉，他在等我了
Aurora: Okay. Oh no, I have to. 我以为你瑞克谈过
Chandler: (to himself) Too bad, she's leaving. 不是瑞克
Aurora: (getting up and dressing) I'm sorry. He'll be waiting for 什么?是伊森?
me. 他要陪你一整天
Chandler: Well, I thought- I thought you talked to Rick. 不是他，是安德鲁
Aurora: It's not Rick. 我知道我会后悔问你这个问题
Chandler: What, Ethan? He got to spend the whole day with you! 安德鲁是谁?
Aurora: No, it's-it's Andrew. 新欢
Chandler: I know there'll be many moments in the years to come 你是说瑞克，伊森和我
when I'll regret asking the following question, but- And Andrew 三人还不能满足你?
is? 我以前不是这种人
Aurora: He's... new. 我们三人不知迷死多少女人
Chandler: Oh, so what you're saying is you're not completely 你想要什么?
fulfilled by Rick, Ethan and myself? 你
Aurora: No, that's not exactly what I was.. 你已拥有我
Chandler: Well, y'know, most women would kill for three guys like 不，只是你
us. 什么意思?
Aurora: So what do you want? 甩掉其他人
Chandler: You. 他们全部?
Aurora: You have me! 我们这样不是很快乐吗?
Chandler: Nono, just you. 为什么不行?
Aurora: Whaddyou mean? 我们为何不能及时行乐?
Chandler: Lose the other guys. 为何不能只是
Aurora: ...Like, ...all of them? 彼此没有任何负担?
Chandler: C'mon, we're great together, why not? 今晚之前
Aurora: Why can't we just have what we have now? Why can't we 我以为这也是你想要的
just talk, and laugh, and make love, without feeling obligated to 部分的我想要
one another... and up until tonight I thought that's what you 但我就像是双面人
wanted too. 一个说”闭嘴，及时行乐”
Chandler: ...Well, y'know, part of me wants that, but it's like 还有另一个
I'm two guys, y'know? I mean, one guy's going 'Shut up! This is 他每回都挺身而出
great!' But there's this other guy. Actually it's the same guy 仗义直言
that wells up every time that Grinch's heart grows three sizes 他说”这太丑陋了，快脱身”
and breaks that measuring device... And he's saying, y'know, 你听哪一个的话?
'This is too hard! Get out! Get out!' 我不知道，
Aurora: So... which one of the two guys will you listen to? 两人的话我得都听
Chandler: I don't know, I-I have to listen to both of them, they 他们争执不休
don't exactly let each other finish... 哪一个？
Aurora: Which one? 第二个
Chandler: ...The second guy. 好吧，改变主意后
Aurora: (gets up to leave) Well, call me if you change your mind. 再打电话给我吧
(She kisses him, he holds her, and kisses her passionately.) 抱歉，第一个动口
Chandler: Sorry, the first guy runs the lips. 这样想吧，你把她甩了
(She leaves, Chandler sighs, and falls back on his bed.) 这女人性感，
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is trying to comfort 美丽聪明而且遥不可及
Chandler. Joey is absent.] 再告诉我一次
Ross: Look at it this way: you dumped her. Right? I mean, this 你为何这么做
woman was unbelievably sexy, and beautiful, intelligent, 电影明星他回来了
unattainable... Tell me why you did this again? 等等，你不是在艾尔帕西诺新片中
(Joey enters.) 演屁股的那个?
All: Hey! 不是
Monica: Hey, waitwait, aren't you the guy that plays the butt in 不是?
the new Al Pacino movie? 怎么了，大个儿?
Joey: Nope. 大个儿?
Ross: No? What happened, big guy? 感觉就像”大个儿”时刻
Chandler: (to Ross) "Big guy?" 我被开除了
Ross: It felt like a 'big guy' moment. 没错，他们说我太投入了
Joey: I got fired. 我到处宣扬
All: Oh! 现在大家都想到戏院看我演…
Joey: Yeah, they said I acted too much with it. I told everybody 乔伊，没人会认出来的
about this! Now everybody's gonna go to the theatre, expecting to 我妈就认得出来
see me, and... 真是令人感动又呕心
Rachel: Oh, Joey, you know what, no-one is gonna be able to tell. 六年来我除了演些烂角色一事无成
Joey: My mom will. 如今机会来了我竟将它搞砸
Chandler: Something so sweet and...disturbing about that. 等等，或许这不是你的机会
Joey: Y'know, I've done nothing but crappy plays for six years. 机会是否来临自己最清楚
And I finally get my shot, and I blow it! 你感觉这是你的机会吗?
Monica: Maybe this wasn't your shot. 很难分辨，我当时全身赤裸
Ross: Yeah, I mean... I think when it's your shot, y'know, you- 我不认为这是你唯一的机会
you know it's your shot. Did it... feel like your shot..? 你的机会不会只有一个
Joey: Hard to tell, I was naked. 我相信大好机会就降临到你身上
Phoebe: No, I don't think this was your shot. I mean, I don't 你必须想着
even think you just get one shot. I really believe big things are 将来有个小伙子跑到朋友面前说
gonna happen for you, I do! You've gotta just keep thinking about 我被录取了…
the day that some kid is gonna run up to his friends and go 'I 我要演乔伊的屁股
got the part! I got the part! I'm gonna be Joey Tribbiani's 你真好
ass!'. 真遗憾，乔伊
Joey: Yeah? That's so nice! (They hug.) 各位，我要去睡了
(Ross and Chandler look at each other and hug as well.) 晚安•，
Monica: I'm sorry, Joey. I'm gonna go to bed, guys. 摩，你要把鞋子留在这儿?
All: Night. 真的?
Rachel: Uh, Mon, you-you gonna leave your shoes out here? 就这样乱丢?
Monica: (determined) Uh-huh! 无所谓
Rachel: Really? Just casually strewn about in that reckless 我明天再拿
haphazard manner? 或者算了
Monica: Doesn't matter, I'll get 'em tomorrow. Or not. Whenever. 随便
(He goes to her room.) 她真懒散
Ross: She is a kook. 既然这么困扰，就快去拿吧
Closing Credits 不，千万别去，太愚蠢了
[Scene: Monica's Bedroom, she's lying in bed wide awake.] 我无须证明什么，我要去拿
Monica: (hums for a while, then gives up, and in her head) If it 但如此一来他们都会知道
bothers you that much, just go out and get the shoes. No. Don't 除非我去拿然后早起放回去
do this. This is stupid! I don't have to prove anything, I'm 谁来帮我一把!
gonna go get them...But then everyone will know. Unless I get 剧终
them, and then wake up really early and put them back! ...I need 谢谢观赏
help! (She buries her head in her pillow.)
End

107 The One With the Blackout

107 The One With the Blackout 107 停电

[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is introducing Phoebe, who is

playing her guitar for the crowd.] 各位请安静
Rachel: Everybody? Shh, shhh. Uhhh... Central Perk is proud to 中央公园很荣幸为各位介绍
present the music of Miss Phoebe Buffay. 菲比小姐
(applause) 谢谢，
Phoebe: Hi. Um, I want to start with a song thats about that 首先我想演唱有关顿悟人生那一刻的歌
moment when you suddenly realize what life is all about. OK, here 开始罗
we go. (plays a chord, then the lights go out) OK, thank you very 非常感谢
much. 什么?
[Scene: The ATM vestibule of a bank, Chandler is inside. The 这下可好
lights go out, and he realizes he is trapped inside.] 真是太…
Chandler: Oh, great. This is just... 这简直是酷毙了
(Chandler sees that there is a gorgeous model inside the 纽约大停电
vestibule with him. He makes a gesture of quiet exuberance.) 我妈说是整个布鲁克林
Opening Credits 外加部份曼哈顿和皇后区
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is on the phone with her 不知何时恢复电力这可真是大停电
mother. Phoebe, Rachel, and Ross are there.] 制作：陶德史帝芬
Rachel: Wow, this is so cool, you guys. The entire city is 裤子和毛衣，
blacked out! 为什么，妈?
Monica: Mom says it's all of Manhattan, parts of Brooklyn and 停电我能去见谁?
Queens, and they have no idea when it's coming back on. 电力公司的人?
Rachel: Wow, you guys, this is big. 单身的趁火打劫之徒?
Monica: (into phone) Pants and a sweater? Why, mom? Who am I 以后再聊，好吗?
gonna meet in a blackout? Power company guys? Eligible looters? 电话能借我吗？
Could we talk about this later? OK. (hangs up) 导演：詹姆斯布罗
Phoebe: Can I borrow the phone? I want to call my apartment and 我想打回住处
check on my grandma. (to Monica) What's my number? 并确定我祖母是否安好
(Monica and Rachel look at Phoebe strangely.) 等等，我的电话几号?
Phoebe: Well, I never call me. 我从未打电话给自己过
[Scene: ATM vestibule, Jill Goodacre is on the cellular phone. 天啊，是她
Chandler's thoughts are in italics.] 维多利亚秘密的模特儿
Chandler: Oh my God, it's that Victoria's Secret model. 叫…古亚克的
Something... something Goodacre. 妈，我是洁儿
Jill: (on phone) Hi Mom, it's Jill. 没错，洁儿古亚克
Chandler: She's right, it's Jill. Jill Goodacre. Oh my God. I am 没想到我和洁儿同时被困在提款机室
trapped in an ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre! (pause) Is it a 是小室还是正厅?
vestibule? Maybe it's an atrium. Oh, yeah, that is the part to 那才是值得注意的对象，笨蛋
focus on, you idiot! 对，我没事只是被困在银行提款机室
Jill: (on phone) Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just stuck at the bank, in 洁儿说小室?
an ATM vestibule. 那我也说小室
Chandler: Jill says vestibule... I'm going with vestibule. 我没事，
Jill: (on phone) I'm fine. No, I'm not alone... I don't know, 不，旁边有人
some guy. 我不认识，某人
Chandler: Oh! Some guy. Some guy. 'Hey Jill, I saw you with some 某人?
guy last night. Yes, he was some guy. 行，某人
(Chandler strides proudly across the vestibule and Jill stares at 洁儿，我昨晚看见你和某人在一起
him.) 没错，他是某人.
[Scene: Monica's apartment, Joey enters with a menorah, the 各位
candles lit.] 今晚主持停电晚会的
Joey: Hi everyone. 是崔维安尼拉此
Ross: And officiating at tonight's blackout, is Rabbi Tribbiani. 钱德的老室友是个犹太人
Joey: Well, Chandler's old roomate was Jewish, and these are the 我们只剩这些蜡烛
only candles we have, so... Happy Chanukah, everyone. 祝各位光明节快乐
Phoebe: (at window) Eww, look. Ugly Naked Guy lit a bunch of 瞧，丑陋裸男点燃几根蜡烛
candles. 一定很痛
(They all look at the window, grossed out, then flinch in pain.) 已过了14分30秒
Rachel: That had to hurt! 你却连一字也没说
[Scene: ATM vestibule.] 争气点，打破沉闷
Chandler: Alright, alright, alright. It's been fourteen and a 微笑
half minutes and you still have not said one word. Oh God, do 效果不错
something. Just make contact, smile! 算了吧，你正在吓她
(Chandler smiles at her, she smiles back sweetly.) 想打电话给某人吗?
Chandler: There you go! 好啊，
(He continues to smile like an idiot, and she looks frightened.) 高中时代有三百个同学
Chandler: You're definitely scaring here. 谢了
Jill: (awkwardly) Would you like to call somebody? (offering 是我
phone) 是钱德
Chandler: Yeah, about 300 guys I went to high school with. Yeah, 你好吗?
thanks. (takes phone) 我还好
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, The phone rings; it's Chandler.] 我和洁儿吉亚克被困在提款机室
Monica: Hello? 什么?
Chandler: Hey, it's me. 我和洁儿吉亚克被困在提款机室
Monica: (to everyone) It's Chandler! (on phone) Are you OK? 我听不懂你在说什么
Chandler: Yeah, I'm fine. (trying to cover up what he is saying) 叫乔伊听电话
I'm trppd in an ATM vstbl wth Jll Gdcr. 怎么了?
Monica: What? 我和洁儿吉亚克被困在提款机室
Chandler: I'm trppd... in an ATM vstbl... wth Jll Gdcr! 噢,我的天那
Monica: I have no idea what you just said. 他和洁儿吉亚克被困在提款机室
Chandler: (angry) Put Joey on the phone. 钱德，听着…
Joey: What's up man? 别以为我没这个念头
Chandler: I'm trppd... in an ATM vstbl... wth JLL GDCR. 换人，快
Joey: (to everyone) Oh my God! He's trapped in an ATM vestibule 好吧，换我
with Jill Goodacre! (on phone) Chandler, listen. (says something 大四在撞球台上
intentionally garbled) 这就是我妹啦
Chandler: Yeah, like that thought never entered my mind. 我最奇怪的地方是在
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, time has passed. The five are 纽约市立图书馆二楼女厕
sitting around the coffee table talking.] 拜托，你去图书馆干什么
Rachel: Alright, somebody. 菲此，你呢?
Monica: OK, I'll go. OK, senior year of college... on a pool 密尔瓦基
table. 罗斯?
All: Whoooaa! 迪士尼，1989年小小世界
Ross: That's my sister. 不可能…
Joey: OK... my weirdest place would have to be... the women's 机器故障
room on the second floor of the New York CIty public library. 所以我和卡萝就到荷兰机器儿童后面
Monica: Oh my God! What were you doing in a library? 他们好死不死正巧修好机器…
Ross: Pheebs, what about you? 从此他们禁止我们再到奇幻王国去
Phoebe: Oh... Milwaukee. 瑞秋呢?
Rachel: Um... Ross? 拜托，我说过了
Ross: Disneyland, 1989, 'It's a Small World After All.' 你才没那
All: No way! 快点告诉我们
Ross: The ride broke down. So, Carol and I went behind a couple 好吧，最奇怪的地方是床脚
of those mechanical Dutch children... then they fixed the ride, 我们今晚有优胜了
and we were asked never to return to the Magic Kingdom. 我从来没有那种关系也没那种感受
Phoebe: Oh, Rachel. 在主题乐园中你忽然欲火中烧
Rachel: Oh come on, I already went. 当时只有这件事可做
Monica: You did not go! 巴瑞连在打迷你高尔夫时
All: Come on. 也不肯亲我
Rachel: Oh, alright. The weirdest place would have to be... 少来
(sigh)... oh, the foot of the bed. 他说这样会耽误后面的人
Ross: Step back. 你逃婚的原因是…
Joey: We have a winner! 你认为有人这辈子没有过那种…
[Time lapse, Ross and Rachel are talking, Joey is on the couch, 也许吧
and Monica and Phoebe are out of the room.] 但是我得告诉你
Rachel: I just never had a relationship with that kind of 激情被过度重视
passion, you know, where you have to have somebody right there, 没错
in the middle of a theme park. 最后激情很快就退去
Ross: Well, it was the only thing to do there that didn't have a 但双方仍保有信赖，安全感和...
line. 以我前妻为例…女同志主义
Rachel: There, well, see? Barry wouldn't even kiss me on a 因此
miniature golf course. 缺乏激情之人还有其他可取之处
Ross: Come on. 但我想你不是那种人
Rachel: No, he said we were holding up the people behind us. 你认为我不是？
Ross: (sarcastically) And you didn't marry him because...? 我...
Rachel: I mean, do you think there are people who go through life 对你的未来将充满激情
never having that kind of... 你真的这样认为?
Ross: Probably. But you know, I'll tell you something. Passion is 没错
way overrated. 罗斯，你真是太了不起了
Rachel: Yeah right. 不可能发生的
Ross: It is. Eventually, it kind of... burns out. But hopefully, 什么?
what you're left with is trust, and security, and... well, in the 你和瑞秋
case of my ex-wife, lesbianism. So, you know, for all of those 为什么?
people who miss out on that passion... thing, there's all that 因为你拖太久才行动
other good stuff. 现在只能待在”朋友区”
Rachel: (sigh) OK. 不，我没在朋友区
Ross: But, um... I don't think that's going to be you. 罗斯，你是朋友区主席
Rachel: You don't. 我在静观其变，行吗?
Ross: Uh-uh. See, I see.... big passion in your future. 我正在为以后铺路
Rachel: Really? 我每天往前推进一点
Ross: Mmmm. 圣人
Rachel: You do? 罗斯她根本不知道你在想什么
Ross: I do. 如果再不快点约她出去
Rachel: Oh Ross, you're so great. (she playfully rubs his head 你将困在朋友区永远无法脱身
and gets up) 我会的
(Ross gets up, pleased with himself.) 我只是在等恰当的时机
Joey: It's never gonna happen. 什么?
Ross: (innocently) What? 什么?
Joey: You and Rachel. 你缺什么?
Ross: (acts surprised) What? (pause) Why not? 美酒?烛光?月光?
Joey: Because you waited too long to make your move, and now 你只需走到她面前说
you're in the friend zone. 瑞秋，我想你…
Ross: No, no, no. I'm not in the zone. 你在嘘什么?
Joey: Ross, you're mayor of the zone. 因为我们正在听
Ross: I'm taking my time, alright? I'm laying the groundwork. 听什么?
Yeah. I mean, every day I get just a little bit closer to... 难道你没听见?
Joey: Priesthood! Look Ross, I'm telling you, she has no idea 听见没?
what you're thinking. If you don't ask her out soon you're going 想来片口香糖吗?
to end up stuck in the zone forever. 无糖的吗?
Ross: I will, I will. See, I'm waiting for the right moment. 抱歉，不是
(Joey looks at him) What? What, now? 不，谢了
Joey: Yeeeeaaaahhh! What's messing you up? The wine? The candles? 你在搞什么东西?
The moonlight? You've just got to go up to her and say, 'Rachel, 切记
I think that...' (Rachel comes into the room behind them) 洁儿请你吃口香糖你就吃
Ross: Shhhh! 她叫你吃动物死尸
Rachel: What are you shushing? 你也得吃
Ross: We're shushing... because... we're trying to hear 纽约大停电
something. Listen. (everyone is silent) Don't you hear that? 牛奶变酸
Rachel: Ahhhh! 不过没关系
Ross: See? 因为我不喝牛奶
Rachel: Huh. (she agrees, but looks very confused) 我要去了.
[Scene: ATM vestibule.] 你决定啦?
Jill: Would you like some gum? 我决定了
Chandler: Um, is it sugarless? 需要帮助吗?
Jill: (checks) Sorry, it's not. 如果你想当电灯泡你就死定了
Chandler: Oh, then no thanks. What the hell was that? Mental 罗斯…祝你幸运
note: If Jill Goodacre offers you gum, you take it. If she offers 你要去哪里?
you mangled animal carcass, you take it. 外面.
[Scene: Monica's apartment, Phoebe is singing.] 不行，你不能去外面
Phoebe: (singing) New York City has no power, and the milk is 为什么?
getting sour. But to me it is not scary, 'cause I stay away from 因为有理由
dairy.... la la la, la la, la la... (she writes the lyrics down) 什么理由?
Ross: (to Joey) OK, here goes. 不能告诉你
Joey: Are you going to do it? 乔伊，到底怎么了?
Ross: I'm going to do it. 好吧，但你得答应我
Joey: Do you want any help? 不会告诉罗斯是我说的
Ross: You come out there, you're a dead man. 说什么?
Joey: Good luck, man. 他正在准备你的生日舞会
Ross: Thanks. (Joey hugs him) OK. 天啊，我爱他
Joey: OK. (Ross goes out on the balcony to talk to Rachel) 你最好装成一副吃惊的样子
(Monica walks in, starts to go out on the balcony.) 装什么?
Joey: Hey, where are you going? 我的生日舞会
Monica: Outside. 什么生日舞会?
Joey: You can't go out there. 少装蒜了
Monica: Why not? 乔伊已经告诉我了
Joey: Because of... the reason. 他没有告诉我
Monica: And that would be? 别看我，这是罗斯的主意
Joey: I, um, can't tell you. 每次都这样
Monica: Joey, what's going on? 我总是最后知道的人
Joey: OK, you've got to promise that you'll never, ever tell Ross 你不是，我们都有告诉你是哦
that I told you. 钱德在动物园被孔雀咬
Monica: About what? 我是最后知道的人
Joey: He's planning your birthday party. 也是最后知道乔伊刚搬来时
Monica: Oh my God! I love him! 你对他有意思的人
Joey: (as Phoebe enters) You'd better act surprised. 什么?
Phoebe: About what? 看来我是倒数第二
Monica: My surprise party! 感觉好好
Phoebe: What surprise party? 我有个问题
Monica: Oh stop it. Joey already told me. 也谈不上是问题
Phoebe: Well, he didn't tell me. 只是好奇
Joey: Hey, don't look at me. This is Ross's thing. 是这样的
Phoebe: This is so typical. I'm always the last one to know 这些日子以来我一直想…
everything. 对，没错
Monica: No, you are not. We tell you stuff. 瞧那只小猫!
Phoebe: Yuh-huh! I was the last one to know when Chandler got 什么?
bitten by the peacock at the zoo. I was the last one to know when 这只是药不会痛的
you had a crush on Joey when he was moving in. (Monica gestures 对不起，那是蜡油
at Phoebe to shut up; Joey looks surprised but pleased) Looks 可怜的小猫快吓死了
like I was second to last. 我们得找到它的主人
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, Ross and Rachel are 何不将它放在走廊?
talking.] 大停电时它会被踩死的
Rachel: Hmmm... this is so nice. 是吗?
Ross: OK, I have a question. Well, actually, it's not so much a 考虑之后
question as.. more of a general wondering... ment. 口香糖是绝佳的选择
Rachel: OK. 口香糖是绝佳的选择?
Ross: OK. Here goes. For a while now, I've been wanting to, 口香糖是绝佳的选择
um.... 我大可说”我也来一片”
Rachel: Ohhh!!!! (looking at something behind Ross) 但不，
Ross: Yes, yes, that's right... 我说的是"口香糖是绝佳的选择"
Rachel: Oh, look at the little cat! (a small kitten is on the 我真鄙视我自己
roof behind Ross) 不，她们是修女
Ross: What? (the cat jumps on his shoulders) Ow! 讨厌一切生物
[Cut to inside. Monica, Joey and Phoebe are singing while 这下可好
outside, Ross and Rachel are trying to get the cat off of Ross' 我们刚捡到这只猫
shoulder.] 目前正在找它的主人
Monica, Joey, and Phoebe: (singing) I'm on top of the world, 猫是我的
looking down on creation and the only explanation I can find, is 可是它似乎很讨厌你
the wonders I've found ever since... 你确定吗?
Commercial Break 确定，猫是我的，把猫给我
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is holding the cat, Monica is 等等，它叫什么名字?
treating the scratches on Ross' back. Joey is holding the menorah 鲍伯钮扣
over the wound.] 鲍伯钮扣?
Monica: (to Ross) This is just Bactine. It won't hurt. 过来，鲍伯钮扣
(Ross flinches in pain.) 你真是个大坏蛋
Joey: Sorry, that was wax. 你们欠我一只猫
Phoebe: Oh, poor little Tooty is scared to death. We should find 小猫咪…你上哪儿去了?
his owner. 小猫咪…你上哪儿去了?
Ross: Why don't we just put 'poor little Tooty' out in the hall? (意大利语)
Rachel: During a blackout? He'd get trampled! 来吧，幸运六
Ross: (nonchalantly) Yeah? 各位，他是保罗
[Scene: ATM vestibule.] 保罗，向你介绍我的朋友
Chandler: You know, on second thought, gum would be perfection. 这位是摩妮卡
(Jill gives him a stick of gum, and a strange look) 'Gum would be 这位是乔伊
perfection'? 'Gum would be perfection.' Could have said 'gum 还有罗斯
would be nice,' or 'I'll have a stick,' but no, no, no, no. For 他不太会讲英语
me, gum is perfection. I loathe myself. 大富翁
[Scene: The hallway of Monica's building. Phoebe and Rachel are 是呀.
trying to find the cat's owner.] 保罗来自哪里?
Phoebe: (stops at a door) Oh no, the Mendels, they hate all 我猜是意大利
living things, right? 不，我是指今晚
Rachel: Oh. (they knock at the next door, Mr. Heckles answers) 这栋公寓?
Hi. We just found this cat and we're looking for the owner. 突然介入我们的生活
Mr. Heckles: Er, yeah, it's mine. 那只猫结果是保罗的
Phoebe: (trying to hold back the struggling cat) He seems to hate 这不是很有意思吗?
you. Are you sure? 我真不敢相信这是你的猫
Mr. Heckles: Yeah, it's my cat. Give me my cat. 真有意思
Phoebe: Wait a minute. What's his name? 而且瑞秋不断摸他
Mr. Heckles: Ehhhh... B-Buttons. 我找遍了整栋公寓
Rachel: Bob Buttons? 但就是找不到猫
Mr. Heckles: Mmm. Bob Buttons. Here, Bob Buttons. 我找到了，是保罗的猫
Phoebe: (the cat runs away from her) Oooh! You are a very bad 瞧，我又是最后一个知道
man! 由于没人告诉我
Mr. Heckles: (as Phoebe and Rachel leave) You owe me a cat. 我猜他就是保罗
[Scene: Rachel has gone off on her own to look for the cat's 保罗，她叫菲比
owner.] 菲比.
Rachel: Here, kitty-kitty. Here kitty-kitty. Where did you go, 没错
little kitty-kitty-kitty? Here kitty-kitty-kitty-kitty... 下一步呢?
(While looking at the floor for the cat, Rachel runs into a pair 吹泡泡
of legs. She slowly gets up and sees a gorgeous Italian hunk 吹泡泡好展现男性魅力，顽皮的一面
holding the cat. Who, by the way, you'll hate very, very soon. 来吧
The man. Not the cat.) 吹得可真好…
Paolo: (something Italian) 不要紧
Rachel: Wow. (she exhales in amazement, blowing the candle out) 我只需把手伸过去
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Monica, and Joey are playing 将它放回口中
Monopoly.] 救得好
Ross: (rolling) Lucky sixes.... 现在我已重回轨道
Rachel: (entering with Paolo, arm in arm) Everybody, this is 而且还嚼着别人的口香糖
Paolo. Paolo, I want you to meet my friends. This is Monica. 这不是我的口香糖
Monica: (smitten) Hi! 很好,现在你呛到了
Rachel: And Joey.... 你没事吧
Monica: Hi! 天呀,你呛到了
Rachel: And Ross. 感觉好点没?
Monica: Hi! 好多了
Paolo: (something in Italian) 谢谢，那真是…
Rachel: (proudly) He doesn't speak much English. 绝佳的选择?
Paolo: (pointing at game) Monopoly! 他讲什么
Rachel: Look at that! 那么好笑?
Ross: (jealous) So, um... where did Paolo come from? 我完全搞不懂
Rachel: Oh... Italy, I think. 女人都这样
Ross: No, I mean tonight, in the building. Suddenly. Into our 天啊，我在干什么?
lives. 这太不像我了
Rachel: Well, the cat... the cat turned out to be Paolo's cat! 不介意的话我要上了
Ross: That, that is funny... (to Joey).... and Rachel keeps 我知道
touching him. 我只想咬他的下嘴唇
(Phoebe enters.) 但我不会这么做的
Phoebe: Alright. I looked all over the building and I couldn't 他第一次对我微笑时
find the kitty anywhere. 那三秒钟比我和巴瑞
Rachel: Oh, I found him. He was Paolo's cat. 在百慕达得三个礼拜还令我兴奋
Phoebe: Ah! Well! There you go! Last to know again! And I'm 你骑机踏车吗?
guessing... since nobody told me... this is Paolo. 因为我听说…我离题了
Rachel: Ah, Paolo, this is Phoebe. 我知道这样很肤浅
Paolo: (something in Italian, he is apparently attracted to 而且我们毫无共通点
Phoebe) 连语言也不通但...
Phoebe: (smiling) You betcha! 保罗
[Scene: ATM vestibule.] 罗斯
Chandler: (chewing gum) Ah, let's see. What next? Blow a bubble. 听着
A bubble's good. It's got a... boyish charm, it's impish. Here we 有件事你该了解
go. 瑞秋和我有那么一点
(Chandler waits until Jill is looking, then starts to blow a 一点?
bubble. But instead of blow one, he accidentally spits the gum 你们做爱没有？
out of his mouth and hits the wall.) 技术上而言，还没做爱
Chandler: Nice going, imp. OK, it's OK. All I need to do is reach 但这不是重点
over and put it in my mouth. (Chandler slyly grabs the gum from 重点是瑞秋和我应该…在一起，而你加
the wall and slides it back in his mouth.) 入.......
Chandler: Good save! We're back on track, and I'm... 床上?
(grimacing) ..chewing someone else's gum. This is not my gum. Oh 不是，我不是指那个
my God! Oh my God! And now you're choking. 如果你让我们无法结台
(Chandler starts to choke.) 我会非常…难过
Jill: Are you alright? 噢
(Chandler tries to save face and makes the 'OK' sign with his 太好了
hands, while obviously unable to breathe.) 你懂一点英文
Jill: My God, you're choking! (she runs over and gives him the 会一点
Heimlich, the gum flies from his mouth) That better? 对，你懂什么叫”二百五”
Chandler: (gasping) Yes... thank you. That was... that was.... 不懂
Jill: Perfection? 不懂?真好笑
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Paolo are at the window. 因为你就是个超级二百五
Ross and Joey are watching disgustedly.] 钱德，我们已玩了一小时
Paolo: (something romantic in Italian about Rachel and the stars) 很简单的，准备好没?
Ross: (mocking Paolo) Blah blah blah, blah blah blah... blah 试试看
blaaaaaah.... 不，你该拍一下
(Rachel walks away from Paolo, laughing.) 看，最后一根蜡烛就要燃尽
Ross: Wha-What did he say that was so funny? 10，9，8，7
Rachel: I have absolutely no idea. -46，-47，-48•，．
Ross: That's... that's classic. 46，一47，一48•，．
Rachel: (to Monica and Phoebe) Oh my God, you guys, what am I 没有灯光有点恐怖
doing? What am I doing? This is so un-me! 停，我这个最逼真
Monica: If you want, I'll do it. 罗斯，现在提并不恰当
(Ross looks at Joey.) 但你得为摩尼卡开个舞会
Phoebe: I know, I just want to bite his bottom lip. (Rachel looks 玩得真开心
at her) But I won't. 对，谢谢你的手机
Rachel: God, the first time he smiled at me... those three 并救了我的命
seconds were more exciting than three weeks in Bermuda with 再见了，钱德
Barry. 此次停电我玩得很开心
Phoebe: You know, did you ride mopeds? 'Cause I've heard... (they 再见
stare at her)... oh, I see... it's not about that right now. OK. 我的帐号是7143457
Rachel: Y'know, I know it's totally superficial and we have 我不知道你有没有录到
absolutely nothing in common, and we don't even speak the same 但我想要这一卷录影带
language but Goooooooddddddd.... 剧终
[Cut to the other side of the apartment, Ross has gone over to 谢谢观赏
straighten things out with Paolo.]
Ross: Paolo. Hi.
Paolo: Ross!
(Ross notices that Paolo is standing on a step, which makes him
taller. Ross gets up on the same step so he can look down at
Paolo.)
Ross: Listen. Um, listen. Something you should... know... um,
Rachel and I... we're kind of a thing.
Paolo: Thing?
Ross: Thing, yes. Thing.
Paolo: Ah, you... have the sex?
Ross: No, no, no. Technically the... sex is not... being had, but
that's... see, that's not the point. See, um, the point is
that... Rachel and I should be, er, together. You know, and if
you get in the.... um...
Paolo: Bed?
Ross: No, no, that's not where I was going. Er, if you get in
the... way, of us becoming a thing, then I would be, well, very
sad.
Paolo: Oh!
Ross: Yeah! Se vice?
Paolo: Si.
Ross: So you do know a little English.
Paolo: Poco... a leetle.
Ross: Do you know the word crapweasel?
Paolo: No.
Ross: That's funny, because you know, you are a huge crapweasel!
(They hug.)
[Scene: ATM vestibule, Chandler and Jill are sitting below the
counter with two pens dangling from their chains in front of
them. Jill is showing Chandler how to swing the pen around his
head.]
Jill: Chandler, we've been here for an hour doing this! Now
watch, it's easy.
Chandler: OK.
Jill: Ready? (she swings the pen around her head in a circle)
(Chandler tries to do the same thing but the pen hits him in the
head.)
Jill: No, you've got to whip it.
(He swings the pen hard, and it snaps back and almost hits him
again.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is all sitting around the
table.]
Phoebe: Oh, look look look. The last candle's about to burn out.
10, 9, 8, 7... (time lapse)... negative 46, negative 47, negative
48.... (someone blows it out, the room gets completely dark)
Ross: Thank you.
Phoebe: Thanks.
Ross: Kinda... spooky without any lights.
Joey: (does a maniacal laugh) Bwah-hah-hah!
(Everyone starts to imitate him.)
Ross: OK, guys, guys? I have the definitive one. Mwwwooooo-hah-
hah...
(The lights come back on, and Rachel and Paolo are making out.
Ross clutches his chest.)
Ross: Oh.. oh... oh.
Joey: Hey Ross. This probably isn't the best time to bring it up,
but you have to throw a party for Monica.
Closing Credits
[Scene: ATM vestibule, the power has come back on.]
Jill: Well, this has been fun.
Chandler: Yes. Yes, thanks for letting me use your phone... and
for saving my life.
Jill: Well, goodbye Chandler. I had a great blackout. (she kisses
him on the cheek) See ya.
(She leaves. Chandler presses his face to the glass door after
her, stroking the window lovingly. He then turns to the security
camera and starts talking to it.)
Chandler: Hi, um, I'm account number 7143457. And, uh, I don't
know if you got any of that, but I would really like a copy of
the tape.
End

108 The One Where Nana Dies Twice

108 The One Where Nana Dies Twice 108 （祖母）奶奶死了两回

[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler is on a coffee break. 帅哥，如何?

Shelley enters.) 萤光灯下的脱水日本面
Shelley: Hey gorgeous, how's it going? 我能有多好?
Chandler: Dehydrated Japanese noodles under fluorescent lights... 问你一个问题
does it get better than this? 你目前没有约会的对象吧?
Shelley: Question. You're not dating anybody, are you, because I 我遇见一个和你是绝配的人
met somebody who would be perfect for you. 绝配或许是个问题
Chandler: Ah, y'see, perfect might be a problem. Had you said 你若说共同独立或自我毁灭的话…
'co-dependent', or 'self-destructive'... 周六想要有个约会的对象吗?
Shelley: Do you want a date Saturday? 当然，拜托了
Chandler: Yes please. 他人帅而且风趣，他…
Shelley: Okay. He's cute, he's funny, he's- 他?
Chandler: He's a he? 糟了，我以为…
Shelley: Well yeah! ...Oh God. I- just- I thought- Good, Shelley. 你是个有为的青年
I'm just gonna go flush myself down the toilet now...(backs out 很好，雪莉
of the room) Okay, goodbye... 我要到马桶去把自己冲掉
Opening Credits 再见
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is there.) 听完后
Chandler: ...Couldn't enjoy a cup of noodles after that. I mean, 我没心情吃面了
is that ridiculous? Can you believe she actually thought that? 这不荒谬吗?
Rachel: Um... yeah. Well, I mean, when I first met you, y'know, I 你能相信她会有这样的想法吗?
thought maybe, possibly, you might be... 我第一次见到你时
Chandler: You did? 我以为你是
Rachel: Yeah, but then you spent Phoebe's entire birthday party 你真的这样认为?
talking to my breasts, so then I figured maybe not. 对，但后来你在菲比的生日会上
Chandler: Huh. Did, uh... any of the rest of you guys think that 一直盯着我的胸部
when you first met me? 我想你大概不是吧
Monica: I did. 你们第一次看见我时
Phoebe: Yeah, I think so, yeah. 也是这样认为?
Joey: Not me. 我是
Ross: Nono, me neither. Although, uh, y'know, back in college, 我不觉得
Susan Sallidor did. 我也是
Chandler: You're kidding! Did you tell her I wasn't? 虽然大学时代的苏珊
Ross: No. No, it's just 'cause, uh, I kinda wanted to go out with 这样认为
her too, so I told her, actually, you were seeing Bernie 开什么玩笑?
Spellman... who also liked her, so... 你有告诉她我不是吗?
(Joey congratulates Ross, sees Chandler's look and abruptly 没有
stops.) 没有，因为我也想跟她约会
Chandler: Well, this is fascinating. So, uh, what is it about me? 我告诉她
Phoebe: I dunno, 'cause you're smart, you're funny... 你和伯尼是一对
Chandler: Ross is smart and funny, d'you ever think that about 因为他也喜欢她
him? 所以
All: Yeah! Right! 这简直是太神奇了
Chandler: WHAT IS IT?! 是什么原因?
Monica: Okay, I-I d'know, you-you just- you have a quality. 我不知道
All: Yes. Absolutely. A quality. 因为你既聪明又风趣
Chandler: Oh, oh, a quality, good, because I was worried you guys 罗斯也是聪明又风趣
were gonna be vague about this. 你们有想过他是吗?
(Phone rings; Monica gets it) 是哦
Monica: Hello? Hello? Oh! Rachel, it's Paolo calling from Rome. 到底是为什么?
Rachel: Oh my God! Calling from Rome! (Takes phone) Bon giorno, 我也说不上来
caro mio. 但你就是有那种调调
Ross: (to Joey) So he's calling from Rome. I could do that. Just 没错
gotta go to Rome. 调调?说得好
Rachel: Monica, your dad just beeped in, but can you make it 我还担心你们看不出呢
quick? Talking to Rome. (Showing off to Phoebe and Chandler) I'm 瑞秋，是保罗从罗马打来的
talking to Rome. 天啊，从罗马打来
Monica: Hey dad, what's up? (Listens) Oh God. Ross, it's Nana. (意大利语)
[Scene: The Hospital, Mr. and Mrs. Geller are there, along with 了不起，他从罗马打来
Aunt Lillian. Ross and Monica enter and everyone says hi and 我也可以
kisses.) 我到罗马去就是了
Ross: So, uh, how's she doing? 摩妮卡，你爸打来的
Aunt Lillian: The doctor says it's a matter of hours. 你能长话短说吗?
Monica: How-how are you, Mom? 我正和罗马通电话
Mrs. Geller: Me? I'm fine, fine. I'm glad you're here. ...What's 爸，怎么了?
with your hair? 我的天
Monica: What? 罗斯，是奶奶
Mrs. Geller: What's different? 你们还好吧?
Monica: Nothing. 她的情况如何?
Mrs. Geller: Oh, maybe that's it. 医生说只剩几小时了
(Monica strides over to Ross, who is making coffee, and talks to 妈，你还好吧?
him aside.) 我?我还好
Monica: She is unbelievable, our mother is... 真高兴见到你们来
Ross: Okay, relax, relax. We are gonna be here for a while, it 你的头发怎么了?
looks like, and we still have boyfriends and your career to 什么?
cover. 看起来有点不同.
Monica: Oh God! 没什么变化呀.
(They hug.) 或许是这个缘故
[Cut to the hospital, later. Everyone is talking about Nana.] 她真是令人难以置信
Monica: The fuzzy little mints at the bottom of her purse. 放松点
Ross: Oh! ...Yeah, they were gross. Oh, you know what I loved? 看来我们得在这儿待一段时间了
Her Sweet 'n' Los. How she was always stealing them from- from 免不了还要谈你男友和工作的事
restaurants. 我的老天
Mr. Geller: Not just restaurants, from our house. 她皮包里有发霉的钱币
(The nurse comes out of Nana's room.) 真呕心
Nurse: Mrs. Geller? 你们知道我喜欢什么吗?
(Everyone stands up. Cut to Ross and Monica in Nana's room.) 她的人工袋糖
Ross: She looks so small. 她总是从餐厅里偷走
Monica: I know. 不只是餐厅，
Ross: Well, at least she's with Pop-Pop and Aunt Phyllis now. 我们家也一样
Monica: G'bye, Nana. (She kisses her on the forehead.) 格雷太太
Ross: Bye, Nana. 她看起来好小
(He goes to kiss her but she moves. Monica screams. Ross shouts 我知道
and stares in disbelief. Monica runs out of the room.) 至少她现在有阿公和婶婶陪伴
Monica: Ross! 别了，奶奶
(Ross runs out too.) 再见，奶奶
Mrs. Geller: What is going on?! 罗斯
Ross: Y'know how-how the nurse said that-that Nana had passed? 护士
Well, she's not, quite.. 怎么了？
Mrs. Geller: What? 护士说她已过世了，实际上不是
Ross: She's not- past, she's present, she's back. 什么?
Aunt Lillian: (reentering) What's going on? 她还没完全过世
Mr. Geller: She may have died. 她还活着，她回来了
Aunt Lillian: She may have died? 怎么回事?
Mr. Geller: We're looking into it. 她可能死了
(Monica returns with the nurse and they go into Nana's room.) 她可能死了?
Ross: I, uh, I'll go see. (He goes in) 我们也想知道
Nurse: This almost never happens! 我进去看看
(Nana passes for the second time and the nurse pulls the blanket 这种事几乎不可能发生
over her. Ross and Monica go to tell the family) 她过世了
Ross: Now she's passed. 我必须要知道
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Phoebe, Joey, and Rachel are 是我的头发?
there.] 对，正是你的头发
Chandler: I just have to know, okay. Is it my hair? 你有一头同性恋的头发
Rachel: (exasperated) Yes, Chandler, that's exactly what it is. 她怎么样了?
It's your hair. 两次
Phoebe: Yeah, you have homosexual hair. 两次?
(Monica and Ross enter.) 你们还好吧?
Rachel: So, um, did she... 说不上来，好诡异
Ross: Twice. 我知道她已过世
Joey: Twice? 但我感觉...
Phoebe: Oh, that sucks! 或许是因为她还没有
Joey: You guys okay? 不，她过世了
Ross: I dunno, it's weird. I mean, I know she's gone, but I just 我们检查了
don't feel, uh... 好多遍
Phoebe: Maybe that's 'cause she's not really gone. 或许人不会真正过世
Ross: Nono, she's gone. 我妈死后
Monica: We checked. A lot. 我偶尔会感觉她就在身旁
Phoebe: Hm, I mean maybe no-one ever really goes. Ever since my 还有黛此
mom died, every now and then, I get the feeling that she's like 我初中最要好的朋友
right here, y'know? (She circles her hand around her right 在打迷你高尔夫时
shoulder. Chandler, sitting on her right, draws back nervously) 被闪电击中
Oh! And Debbie, my best friend from junior high- got struck by 用那枝黄色铅笔时
lightning on a miniature golf course- I always get this really 我总感到一股强烈的”心灵感应”
strong Debbie vibe whenever I use one of those little yellow 我好想念她
pencils, y'know? ...I miss her. 来，菲此，你要吗?
Rachel: Aw. Hey, Pheebs, want this? (Gives her a pencil) 谢谢
Phoebe: Thanks! 不客气，早上刚削好的
Rachel: Sure. I just sharpened her this morning. 我不信这一套
Joey: Now, see, I don't believe any of that. I think once you're 人死了就是死了
dead, you're dead! You're gone! You're worm food! (realises his 死了就成了虫的食物
tactlessness) ...So Chandler looks gay, huh? 钱德看起来像个同性恋?
Phoebe: Y'know, I dunno who this is, but it's not Debbie. (Hands 我不知道此人是谁
back the pencil) 但绝对不是黛比
[Scene: Nana's house, Ross, Mrs. Geller and Aunt Lillian are 我以为要用密封的棺木
going through clothes.] 这并不代表
Ross: I thought it was gonna be a closed casket. 她不能看起来体面一点
Mrs. Geller: Well, that doesn't mean she can't look nice! 孩子，你想你能进去吗?
(They open a cupboard which, amongst other things, contains a 当然可以
chest of drawers) 我的牙齿矫正器
Mrs. Geller: Sweetie, you think you can get in there? 我在想我走的时候
Ross: (sarcastic) I don't see why not. 爸
(He tries pushing against the chest of drawers. Then he opens one 听我说
of the drawers and climbs into the closet using that; he falls 我走的时候
behind the chest of drawers with a shout.) 我要海葬
Ross: Here's my retainer! 什么?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is talking to her father.] 我要海葬
Mr. Geller: I was just thinking. When my time comes- 好像挺有意思的
Monica: Dad! 定义一下
Mr. Geller: Listen to me! When my time comes, I wanna be buried 那一天你们会玩得很开心的
at sea. 你们会乘着船带着午餐…
Monica: You what? 然后把你的尸体丢人大海
Mr. Geller: I wanna be buried at sea, it looks like fun. 真是有意思
Monica: Define fun. 每个人都自认为了解我
Mr. Geller: C'mon, you'll make a day of it! You'll rent a boat, 他们都说杰克太一成不变了
pack a lunch... 或许我死后他们会说
Monica: ...And then we throw your body in the water... Gee, that 海葬,哈?
does sound fun. 他们大概会这么说吧
Mr. Geller: Everyone thinks they know me. Everyone says 'Jack 希望如此
Geller, so predictable'. Maybe after I'm gone, they'll say 美女
'Buried at sea! Huh!'. 昨天的事很抱歉我
Monica: That's probably what they'll say. 别担心
Mr. Geller: I'd like that. 相信我，
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Shelley is drinking coffee; Chandler 显然别人也犯了相同的错误
enters.] 你认为是我的缘故?
Chandler: Hey, gorgeous. 我说不上来
Shelley: (sheepish) Hey. Look, I'm sorry about yesterday, I, um- 你就是有那种调调，是哦
Chandler: No, nono, don't- don't worry about it. Believe me, 真可惜
apparently other people have made the same mistake. 因为你和罗尔本来很登对
Shelley: Oh! Okay! Phew! 罗尔?会计部门的罗尔
Chandler: So, uh... what do you think it is about me? 你觉得我们很配?
Shelley: I dunno, uh... you just have a-a... 有何不可?他很帅
Chandler: ...Quality, right, great. 他不像布莱恩
Shelley: Y'know, it's a shame, because you and Lowell would've 布莱恩是不是...?
made a great couple. 重点是如果你想替我配对
Chandler: Lowell? Financial Services' Lowell, that's who you saw 我希望你会挑他
me with? 我想你配不上布莱恩
Shelley: What? He's cute! 对不起
Chandler: Well, yeah... 's'no Brian in Payroll. 你认为我配不上他?
Shelley: Is Brian...? 因为我配得上他
Chandler: No! Uh, I d'know! The point is, if you were gonna set 相信我
me up with someone, I'd like to think you'd set me up with 我真的配不上
someone like him. 这一个?
Shelley: Well, I think Brian's a little out of your league. 不是
Chandler: Excuse me? You don't think I could get a Brian? Because 我已让你们看过每件衣服
I could get a Brian. Believe you me. ...I'm really not. 除非你们想让她永远穿着柠檬黄长裤
[Scene: Nana's Bedroom, Ross is holding a dress out from inside 配上紫红色衣服
the closet.] 不论我们选什么
Ross: (holding a dress out from inside the closet) This one? 她都会说我们选错了
Aunt Lillian: No. 没错，就选紫红色吧
Ross: I have shown you everything we have. Unless you want your 不错的选择，我要出来了
mother to spend eternity in a lemon yellow pant-suit, go with the 等等，还缺鞋子
burgundy. 这一双如何?
Aunt Lillian: You know, whatever we pick, she would've told us 这是一双日鞋
it's the wrong one. 她去的地方
Mrs. Geller: You're right. We'll go with the burgundy. 大家会穿得更正式?
Ross: Oh! A fine choice. I'm coming out. (Starts to climb over 能找鞋跟细一点的鞋吗?
the furniture) 我找不到紫红色的晚鞋
Aunt Lillian: Wait! We need shoes! 不过有双银色的鞋或许适合
(Ross falls back inside) 不行，一定要紫红色
Ross: Okay. Um, how about these? (Holds out a pair) 除非我们另找一件套装
Mrs. Geller: That's really a day shoe. 不,等等
Ross: And where she's going everyone else'll be dressier? 我看看
Aunt Lillian: Could we see something in a slimmer heel? 后面或许有
Ross: (forages around) Okay, I have nothing in an evening shoe in 天呀
the burgundy. I can show you something in a silver that may work. 你没事吧，孩子?
Aunt Lillian: No, it really should be burgundy. 没事，只是奶奶的东西
Mrs. Geller: Mm. Unless we go with a different dress? 各位如何?准备好了没?
Ross: No! Nonono, wait a sec. I may have something in the back. 早上妈来电叫我别扎头发
(He finds a shoebox (out of shot), pulls it down and opens it. It 你知道我的耳朵
is full of Sweet 'n' Lo's.) 并不是我最漂亮的部位吗?
Ross: Oh my God.. 有时候我认为是
Mrs. Geller: Is everything all right, dear? 抱歉，我迟到了
Ross: Yeah, just... just Nana stuff. 我找不到我的”耳圈”
(He reaches up higher and knocks down another shoebox lid. Sweet 你是指你的耳环?
'n' Lo's rain down on him) 我刚说什么?
Commercial Break 你穿这一双?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are preparing to 对，保罗从义大利寄来的
leave for the funeral.] 我们这儿没卖鞋子?
Ross: (entering) How we doing, you guys ready? 早安，准备走了没?
Monica: Mom already called this morning to remind me not to wear 穿戴整齐后
my hair up. Did you know my ears are not my best feature? 我们不是都好看许多?
Ross: Some days it's all I can think about. 人模人样的
Phoebe: (entering) Hi, sorry I'm late, I couldn't find my 刚刚的仪式简单而隆重
bearings. 可不是吗
Rachel: Oh, you-you mean your earrings? 过来，心肝
Phoebe: What'd I say? 你该使用晚霜了
Rachel: (sticking her foot out) Hm-m. 怎么了?
Monica: Are these the shoes? 没什么，你的外套很吵
Rachel: Yes. Paolo sent them from Italy. 瞧，巨人队对牛仔队
Ross: What, we-uh- we don't have shoes here, or...? 你在葬礼时看足球赛?
Joey: (entering with Chandler) Morning. We ready to go? 不，比赛还没开始
Chandler: Well, don't we look nice all dressed up?...It's stuff 我要在接待会上看比赛
like that, isn't it? 你真是个恶劣的人
(They all leave.) 不，保罗送我的新鞋
[Scene: The cemetary, after the funeral.] 希望没坏
Monica: It was a really beautiful service. 你没事吧?
Mrs. Geller: It really was. Oh, c'mere, sweetheart. (Hugs her) 多美好的一天啊
Y'know, I think it might be time for you to start using night 什么?我是指天气
cream. 对，空气，树木
(Joey listens to his overcoat for a second and sighs, then 即使奶奶已过世
notices Chandler watching) 就好像...
Joey: What? 罗斯，你还好吧?罗斯…
Chandler: Nothing, just your overcoat sounds remarkably like 我没事
Brent Mussberger. 只是
Joey: Check it out, Giants-Cowboys. (He has a pocket TV) 我最大的梦魇终于成真
Chandler: You're watching a football game at a funeral? 别担心
Joey: No, it's the pre-game. I'm gonna watch it at the reception. 我只是看看你是否肌肉痉挛
Chandler: You are a frightening, frightening man. 怎么了?
(Rachel steps in a patch of mud) 你的皮带穿孔掉了一个
Rachel: Oh no! My new Paolo shoes! 是痉挛
Ross: Oh, I hope they're not ruined. 来，孩子
Phoebe: God, what a great day. ...What? Weather-wise! 我擦伤时都用这个
Ross: I know, uh, the air, the-the trees... even though Nana's 妈，谢谢
gone there's, there's something almost, uh- I dunno, almost life- 抱歉，我叫安朵拉
aff- (Not looking where he is going he falls into an open grave) 桃乐丝的女儿
All: God! Ross! 我叫钱德
Ross: I'm fine. Just-just... having my worst fear realised... 我不知道桃乐丝是谁
[Scene: The Wake, at the Gellers' house. Ross is lying on his 看看谁出现了
back, with Phoebe squatting over him, checking to see if he's 感觉如何?
injured.] 感觉好多了…
Phoebe: Okay, don't worry, I'm just checking to see if the 那些药丸可真有效
muscle's in spasm...huh. 对，不是第一次那两颗
Ross: What, what is it? 而是后来那两颗
Phoebe: You missed a belt loop. 我爱你们大家
Ross: Oh! No-n- 你们是最棒的
Phoebe: Okay, it's in spasm. 我爱我的妹妹
Mrs. Geller: Here, sweetie, here. I took these when I had my 我爱菲此
golfing accident. (Hands Ross a bottle of pills. Then turns to 钱德，我爱你
Monica and pats her hair over her ears) 听着，如果你想当同志
(Cut to Chandler and a woman, Andrea, reaching for the same slice 就当吧
of meat) 我不在乎
Chandler: Oh, no- 你说得对
Andrea: Sorry- Hi, I'm Dorothy's daughter. 瑞秋
Chandler: Hi, I'm Chandler, and I have no idea who Dorothy is. 我最爱你了
(They shake hands. Cut to Ross emerging from a hallway, grinning 知道我最爱谁吗?
inanely. He is obviously very stoned) 不知道
Phoebe: Hey, look who's up! How do you feel? 你
Ross: I feel great. I feel- great, I fleel great. 我不懂
Monica: Wow, those pills really worked, huh? 那是什么?
Ross: Not the first two, but the second two- woooo! ...I love you 我听力不好
guys. You guys are the greatest. I love my sister (Kisses 比数多少?
Monica), I love Pheebs... (Hugs her) 巨人队以17比14领先
Phoebe: Ooh! That's so nice... 第三节只剩3分钟结束
Ross: ...Chandler! 好极了
Chandler: Hey. 菲此，能拿块饼干给我吗?
Ross: (hugs him) And listen, man, if you wanna be gay, be gay. 你奶奶一定不喜欢的
Doesn't matter to me. 当然，这是她的葬礼
Andrea: (turns to a friend) You were right. (They walk off and 我听到的是
leave Chandler.) ”我为何没有糖浆火腿?”
Ross: Rachel. Rachel Rachel. (Sits down beside her) I love you 或是”我买的花不够”
the most. 如果我买多了
Rachel: (humouring him) Oh, well you know who I love the most? 她又会说
Ross: No. ”何必花那么多钱
Rachel: You! 我死了不需要花”
Ross: Oh.. you don't get it! (Passes out and slumps across her) 口气像奶奶
(Cut to Joey watching TV in the corner. He makes an extravagant 知道和批评你每句话的人在一起生活
gesture of disappointment.) 是什么滋味?
Mr. Geller: Whaddya got there? 我可以想像
Joey: (hides the TV, but he still has an earphone) Just a, uh... 告诉你
hearing disability. 我会成为积极乐观的人
Mr. Geller: What's the score? 真是个奇迹
Joey: Seventeen-fourteen Giants... three minutes to go in the 妈，告诉我
third. 如果可以重来
Mr. Geller: Beautiful! (Turns to watch with him) 如果此时她在这儿
(Time lapse. A large crowd of men are now watching the game) 你会告诉她吗?
Rachel: (still trapped under Ross) Pheebs, could you maybe hand 告诉她什么?
me a cracker? 她如何使你抓狂
Mrs. Geller: (to Monica) Your grandmother would have hated this. 挑剔每一件事
Monica: Well, sure, what with it being her funeral and all. 例如你的头发
Mrs. Geller: No, I'd be hearing about 'Why didn't I get the 我不懂你在说什么
honey-glazed ham?', I didn't spend enough on flowers, and if I 难道你不认为说出实话
spent more she'd be saying 'Why are you wasting your money? I 情况会改善吗?
don't need flowers, I'm dead'. 不认为
Monica: That sounds like Nana. 我认为
Mrs. Geller: Do you know what it's like to grow up with someone 某些事最好还是不要说
who is critical of every single thing you say? 家和万事兴
Monica: ...I can imagine. 再来些酒,亲爱的.
Mrs. Geller: I'm telling you, it's a wonder your mother turned 你戴这副耳环真好看
out to be the positive, life-affirming person that she is. 谢谢，你给我的
Monica: That is a wonder. So tell me something, Mom. If you had 其实是奶奶的
to do it all over again, I mean, if she was here right now, would 真叫人难过
you tell her? 比刚才还难过
Mrs. Geller: Tell her what? 这个光屁股的是谁?
Monica: How she drove you crazy, picking on every little detail, 那个人就是我
like your hair... for example. 瞧那个小东西
Mrs. Geller: I'm not sure I know what you're getting at. 对，那是我的小弟弟
Monica: Do you think things would have been better if you'd just 成熟点行吗?
told her the truth? 那些人是谁?
Mrs. Geller: ...No. I think some things are better left unsaid. I 可把我问倒了
think it's nicer when people just get along. 中间那一个是奶奶
Monica: Huh. 我看看
Mrs. Geller: More wine, dear? 我和大伙儿摄于在爪哇乔家
Monica: Oh, I think so. 摩妮卡
Mrs. Geller: (reaches out to fiddle with Monica's hair again, and 你和你奶奶长得一模一样
realises) Those earrings look really lovely on you. 当时她几岁?
Monica: Thank you. They're yours. 1939年…39年
Mrs. Geller: Actually they were Nana's. 24或25岁
(There is a cry of disappointment from the crowd of men.) 他们好像玩得很开心
Mr. Geller: Now I'm depressed! ...(To everyone) Even more than I 看…光屁股的摩妮卡
was. 我看看
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang are looking at old photos.] 不，还是我
Rachel: Hey, who's this little naked guy? 我在尝试新事物
Ross: That little naked guy would be me. 罗威
Rachel: Aww, look at the little thing. 钱德
Ross: Yes, yes, fine, that is my penis. Can we be grown-ups now? 会计部门的情况如何?
Chandler: Who are those people? 简直一团乱
Ross: Got me. 你呢?
Monica: Oh, that's Nana, right there in the middle. (Reads the 很好
back) 'Me and the gang at Java Joe's'. 我不知道雪莉如何对你说我这个人
Rachel: Wow, Monica, you look just like your grandmother. How old 但是我不是（同性恋）.
was she there? 我知道，我也是这样告诉她的
Monica: Let's see, 1939... yeah, 24, 25? 真的?
Ross: Looks like a fun gang. (They all look at each other and 你看得出来?
smile) 十之八九
Joey: Ooh, look-look-look-look-look! I got Monica naked! 我们有某种…雷达
Ross: (looking) Nono, that would be me again. I'm, uh, just 这么说你认为我没那种调调
trying something. 代表男同志发言
Closing Credits 我得说没有
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler is on a coffee break as 对了，你朋友布莱恩,
Lowell enters.] 他是
Chandler: Hey, Lowell. 他是?
Lowell: Hey, Chandler. 而且你配不上他
Chandler: So how's it going there in Financial Services? 我配不上他
Lowell: It's like Mardi Gras without the paper mache heads. How 我可以得到布莱恩
'bout you? 如果我愿意
Chandler: Good, good. Listen, heh, I dunno what Shelley told you 你好,布莱恩
about me, but, uh... I'm not.
Lowell: I know. That's what I told her.
Chandler: Really.
Lowell: Yeah.
Chandler: So- you can tell?
Lowell: Pretty much, most of the time. We have a kind of...
radar.
Chandler: So you don't think I have a, a quality?
Lowell: Speaking for my people, I'd have to say no. By the way,
your friend Brian from Payroll, he is.
Chandler: He is?
Lowell: Yup, and waaay out of your league. (Exits)
Chandler: Out of my league. I could get a Brian. (Brian enters
behind him) If I wanted to get a Brian, I could get a Brian.
(Sees him) Hey, Brian.
End

109 The One Where Underdog Gets Away

109 The One Where Underdog Gets Away 109 气球飞了

[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is confronting her boss, Terry.] 特里,我,我知道我在这里干时间并不

Rachel: Terry, I, I, I know that I haven't worked here very long, 长，
but I was wondering, do you think it would be possible if I got a 但我在想
$100 advance in my salary? 您是否能考虑预支给我100块薪水.
Terry: An advance? 预支？
Rachel: It's so that I can spend Thanksgiving with my family. 这样我才能和家里人共度感恩节。
See, every year we go skiing in Vail, and normally my father pays 你看，每年，我们全家都去韦尔滑雪，
for my ticket, but I sort of started the whole independence 通常都是我父亲为我出票钱
thing, you know, which is actually why I took this job. 但是我现在已经开始学习独立，
Terry: Rachel, Rachel, sweetheart. You're a terrible, terrible 恩，这实际上也是我在这里干的原因。
waitress. Really, really awful. 瑞秋，瑞秋，亲爱的。
Rachel: Ok, I, I hear what you're sayin'. I'm with you. Um, but 你是一位非常，非常糟糕的女招待。
I, but I'm trying really hard. And I think I'm doing better. I 真的，真的糟糕透顶。
really do. Does anybody need coffee? (everyone in the place 好吧，我,我明白你的意思了.我同意您
raises their hand) Oh, look at that. 说的
Opening Credits 但是我，我一直很努力地在做，
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is approaching a customer.] 我想我会做得更好的。我会的!
Rachel: Excuse me, sir. Hi, you come in here all time. I was just 有人需要咖啡吗？
wondering, do you think there's a possibility that you could give (是的, 这边/有!...)
me an advance on my tips? 噢，你瞧!
Guy: Huh? 打扰一下，先生。
Rachel: Ok, ok, that's fine. Fine. Hey, I'm sorry about that 恩，您是这里的老主顾了。
spill before. (picks up the tip he leaves) Only $98.50 to go. 不知道您是否能考虑预支一点小费给我?
(Monica enters.) 恩？
Monica: Hey. Ross, did you know Mom and Dad are going to Puerto 好，好，算我没说。我为以前用咖啡泼到
Rico for Thanksgiving? 您表示歉意。
Ross: No, they're not. 还差98块5。
Monica: Yes, they are. The Blymens invited them. 嗨/嗨
Ross: You're wrong. 罗斯,你知道老爸老妈要去波多黎各过感
Monica: I am not wrong. 恩节吗？
Ross: You're wrong. 不，他们不会。
Monica: No, I just talked to them. 他们要去。 布莱曼家邀请了他们。
Ross: (getting up, upset) I'm calling Mom. 你瞎说。
(Joey enters. His face looks abnormally colorful.) 我没瞎说
Joey: Hey, hey. /你瞎说。
Chandler: Hey. 我刚和他们通过电话。
Phoebe: Hey. 我去打给妈妈。
Chandler: And this from the cry-for-help department. Are you 嘿，嘿。
wearing makeup? /嘿。
Joey: Yes, I am. As of today, I am officially Joey Tribbiani, 这里是“紧急求助部”。 你化了妆吗？
actor slash model. 是的。 从今天起，我的正式身份就是乔
Chandler: That's so funny, 'cause I was thinking you look more 伊.崔比安尼，
like Joey Tribbiani, man slash woman. 演员兼模特。
Phoebe: What were you modeling for? 真有趣，
Joey: You know those posters for the city free clinic? 因为我正想说：你看起来更象
Monica: Oh, wow, so you're gonna be one of those "healthy, 乔伊.崔比安尼，
healthy, healthy guys"? 男人兼女人
Phoebe: You know, the asthma guy was really cute. 你给什么当模特？
Chandler: Do you know which one you're gonna be? 你知道那些城市免费门诊的招贴画吗？
Joey: No, but I hear lyme disease is open, so... (crosses oh，哇，那你不就成了那些
fingers) 健康一族中的一员了吗？
Chandler: Good luck, man. I hope you get it. 那个哮喘病人还真可爱。
Joey: Thanks. 你知道你为什么代言吗？
(Ross comes back to the couch.) 不知道，但是我听说脑膜炎还少人，所
Ross: (to Monica) Well, you were right. How can they do this to 以 ...
us, huh? It's Thanksgiving. 祝你好运，老兄。 我希望你能染上.
Monica: Ok, I'll tell you what. How about I cook dinner at my 谢谢
place? I'll make it just like Mom's. 好吧，你是对的。 他们怎能抛下我们不
Ross: Will you make the mashed potatoes with the lumps? 管？
Monica: You know, they're not actually supposed to have... (Ross 这可是感恩节。
looks at her sheepishly) I'll work on the lumps. Joey, you're 好，我提议。
going home, right? 我在我那儿做顿大餐，怎么样？
Joey: Yeah. 我会做得和妈妈的味一样的。
Monica: And I assume, Chandler, you are still boycotting all the 你会弄成块的土豆泥给我吃吗？
pilgrim holidays. 这个，他们真不该把土豆 ...
Chandler: Yes, every single one of them. 我做土豆块。
Monica: Phoebe, you're gonna be with your grandma? 乔伊，你要回家，是吗？
Phoebe: Yes, and her boyfriend. But we're celebrating /没错。
Thanksgiving in December 'cause he is lunar. 钱德,你还在抵制所有清教徒的节日吗?
Monica: So you're free Thursday, then. 当然，他们中的任何一个。
Phoebe: Yeah. Oh, can I come? 菲比，你要和你奶奶一起过？
Monica: Yeah. Rach, are you thinking you're gonna make it to 是的，还有她的男朋友。
Vail? 但我们只在12月庆祝，
Rachel: Absolutely. Shoop, shoop, shoop. Only a hundred and two 因为他脑子有点乱。
dollars to go. 那么，你星期四有空了。
Chandler: I thought it was $98.50. 是的。噢，我能来吗？/当然
Rachel: Yeah, well it was. I, I broke a cup. 瑞秋，你定下来要去韦尔吗？
Ross: Well, I'm off to Carol's. 没错。“咻，咻，咻!”
Phoebe: Ooh, ooh! Why don't we invite her? 还差102元就可成行。
Ross: (mimicking) Ooh, ooh. Because she's my ex-wife, and will 我记得刚才不还是98块5。
probably want to bring her, ooh, ooh, lesbian life partner. 没错，但我又摔了一个杯子。
[Scene: Carol and Susan's apartment, Susan is there. Ross 我到卡萝那里去。
enters.] 哦，哦！ 我们干嘛不叫上她？
Ross: Hi, is uh, is Carol here? “哦，哦”.因为她是我的前妻，
Susan: No, she's at a faculty meeting. 而且她可能还想带上她的，
Ross: Oh, I uh, just came by to pick up my skull. Well, not mine, “哦，哦”，女同志！
but...Susan: Come in. Hi，卡萝在吗？
Ross: Thanks. Yeah, Carol borrowed it for a class, and I have to 她开教工会去了。
get it back to the museum. 噢，我过来想把我的头骨拿走。
Susan: What's it look like? 嗯，不是我的，是……
Ross: Kinda like a big face without skin. 进来！
Susan: Yes, I'm familiar with the concept. We can just look for 谢谢。 是这样，卡萝上回借走上课用
it. 的，
Ross: Ok. (browsing the apartment) Wow, you guys sure have a lot 我现在得拿回去还给博物馆。
of books about bein' a lesbian. 它是什么样子？
Susan: Well, you know, you have to take a course. Otherwise, they 就象一张没有皮的大脸。
don't let you do it. 我有印象。 我们来找找看。
Ross: (picking up a book) Hey, hey, Yertle the Turtle. A classic. 哇，你们有这么多讲怎样成为一名女同
Susan: Actually, I'm reading it to the baby. 志的书。
Ross: The uh, the baby that hasn't been born yet? Wouldn't that 嗯，你知道吗，你必须接受一门课程。
mean you're... crazy? 否则，他们不让你当同性恋。
Susan: What, you don't think they can hear sounds in there? 嘿，嘿，《Yertle the Turtle》。 经典作
Ross: You're not serious, I mean, you really... you really talk 品。
to it? 没错，我现在在念给宝宝听。
Susan: Yeah, all the time. I want the baby to know my voice. 噢，那个还没出生的宝宝？你这不是
Ross: Do you uh, do you talk about me? ...
Susan: Yeah, yeah, all the time. 疯了？
Ross: Really? 什么，你觉得宝宝在里面听不到声音？
Susan: But um, we just refer to you as Bobo the Sperm Guy. 当然，经常说。 我要让宝宝认得我的声
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is there but Rachel.] 音。
Ross: Look, if she's talking to it, I just think that I should 那，你提到过我吗？
get some belly time too. Not that I believe any of this. 有的，常事。
Phoebe: Oh, I believe it. I think the baby can totally hear 真的？
everything. I can show you. Look, this will seem a little weird, 但是，嗯，我们称你为提供精液的BoBo。
but you put your head inside this turkey, and then we'll all 不行，如果她和宝宝说话，
talk, and you'll hear everything we say. 那我也应该有一些“肚子谈话时间”。
Chandler: I'd just like to say that I'm totally behind this 但这不表示我相信这个。
experiment. In fact, I'd very much like to butter your head. 噢，我相信。 我觉得宝宝什么都能听见。
(Rachel enters.) 我可以演示给你看。
Monica: Hey, Rach, did you make your money? 可能会有点怪异，
Rachel: No, not even close. Forget Vail, forget seeing my family, 你得把你的头放在这只火鸡里面，
forget shoop, shoop, shoop. 然后大伙儿说话，你肯定能听到我们说
Monica: Rach, here's your mail. 的。
Rachel: Thanks, you can just put it on the table. 我想说我完全赞成这个实验。
Monica: (insistently) No, here's your mail. 而且，我还非常想把你的脑袋涂上黄油。
Rachel: Thanks, you can just put it on the table. 嘿，瑞秋，钱拿到没有？
Monica: (gives her an envelope) Would you just open it? 没有，都关门了。
(Rachel opens it. Inside is the money she needed.) 忘掉韦尔吧，
Rachel: Oh my god, oh, you guys are great. 忘掉家庭团聚吧，
Monica: We all chipped in. 忘掉“咻，咻，咻。”吧
Joey: (to Monica) We did? 瑞秋，你的信。
Monica: (to Joey) You owe me 20 bucks. 谢谢，放在桌上就行了。
Rachel: Thank you. Thank you so much! 不，这是你的信！
Monica: (hands Chandler a bag) Chandler, here you go, got your 谢谢，你把它放在桌子上就行了。
traditional Thanksgiving feast, you got your tomato soup, your 你不想现在就打开它吗？
grilled cheese fixin's, and your family size bag of Funyuns. 喔，天哪！你们真好！
Rachel: Wait, wait, Chandler, this is what you're havin' for 大伙凑的。
Thanksgiving dinner? What, what, what is it with you and this 大伙？
holiday? 你欠我20块。
Chandler: All right, I'm nine years old. 谢谢！太感谢了！
Ross: Oh, I hate this story. 钱德，这是你的感恩节大餐
Chandler: We just finished this magnificent Thanksgiving dinner. 你的西红柿汤
I have--and I remember this part vividly--a mouthful of pumpkin 你的奶酪杂拌和你的特大号洋葱小吃。
pie, and this is the moment my parents choose to tell me they're 等等，钱德，这是你的感恩节晚餐吗？
getting divorced. 你和这个节到底有什么过不去的？
Rachel: Oh my god. 好吧，我9岁那年…
Chandler: Yes. It's very difficult to appreciate a Thanksgiving /噢，我厌恶这个故事。
dinner once you've seen it in reverse. 我们全家刚刚吃完一顿丰盛的感恩节大
[Scene: The subway, Joey spots a gorgeous woman waiting. He goes 餐。
up to her.] 我 ---现在我还清楚地记得这个细节
Joey: Uh, hi. We uh, we used to work together. ---塞了满嘴的南瓜派，
Girl: We did? 我的父母就选择那会来告诉我：
Joey: Yeah, at Macy's. You were the Obsession girl, right? I was 他们要离婚了。
the Aramis guy. (pretends to spray cologne) Aramis? Aramis? 噢，天！
Girl: Yeah, right. 是的。 一旦你有过这样的负面印象，
Joey: I gotta tell you. You're the best in the business. 就很难对感恩节大餐有兴趣了。
Girl: Get out. hi,我们一起工作过。
Joey: I'm serious. You're amazing. You know when to spritz, when /有吗？
to lay back. 是的,在美西百货. 你是那个“迷幻”女
Girl: Really? You don't know what that means to me. 郎,对吧？
Joey: Ooh, you smell great tonight. What're you wearing? 我是那卖“阿拉米香水”的。 阿拉米？
Girl: (provocatively) Nothing. 阿拉米？
Joey: Listen, uh, you wanna go get a drink or something? 哦，想起来了。
Girl: Yeah. (she gets up, notices something behind Joey) Oh. 我得说， 你是那里面最棒的。
Joey: What's wrong? /少来了！
Girl: I just remembered, I have to do something. 我是说真的。你太让人吃惊了。
Joey: Oh. What? 你的表演是那样张弛有度。
Girl: Um, leave. 真的吗？ 我受宠若惊了。
Joey: Wait, wait, wait! 噢，你今晚闻起来妙极了。
(Joey turns around and sees his face on a poster in the subway. 你身上是什么？
The poster says: What Mario isn't telling you...V.D., you never 什么也没有！
know who might have it. A variety of scenes are shown with the 你想不想去喝上一杯？
poster displayed all over New York City.) 好的，哦
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey enters, amongst snickers from the 怎么了？
gang.] /我刚想起，我还有要紧的事要做。
Joey: So I guess you all saw it. 噢，什么事情？
Rachel: Saw what? 离开
Phoebe: No, we were just laughing. You know, how laughter can be 等等，嘿，等等！
infectious. “马里奥没有告诉你的事…他有性病，
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey enters, upset.] 你永远无从知道谁会染上它”（广告
Joey: Set another place for Thanksgiving. My entire family thinks 词）。
I have VD. 我想你们都看见了。
Chandler: Tonight, on a very special Blossom. 看见什么？
Commercial Break 不，我们只是在笑。 你知道，笑也是会
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is cooking Thanksgiving 传染的。
dinner. Chandler is standing in the doorway, not wanting to 我得另找个地方过感恩节了。
participate in the festivities.] 我全家都认为我有花柳病。
Monica: Mmm, looking good. Ok, cider's mulling, turkey's turking, 今夜，此花怒放。
yams are yamming. (notices Ross is depressed) What? 嗯，看起来不错。 好，苹果酒搞定，
Ross: I don't know. It's just not the same without Mom in the 火鸡搞定，山芋搞定。
kitchen. 怎么了？
Monica: All right, that's it. You know what? Just get out of my 我不知道。 妈妈不在厨房感觉就是不一
way and stop moping. 样。
Ross: That's closer. 够了！ 你知道个屁？
(Rachel enters, excited.) 靠边站，还有你，别擦了。
Rachel: I got the tickets! I got the tickets! Five hours from 有点象了。
now, shoop, shoop, shoop. 噢，别“咻”了，好吗？
Chandler: Oh, you must stop shooping. Ok，我去收拾行李。
Rachel: Ok, I'm gonna get my stuff. 钱德,你今晚会来吗？
Joey: Chandler, will you just come in already? 不，我喜欢和欢乐保持安全距离！
Chandler: No, I prefer to keep a safe distance from all this 注意，南瓜派来了！
merriment. 好吧，你在塞填料的时候我们都有笑，
(Phoebe takes a slice of pumpkin pie and waves it in front of 但是这会不好笑了。
Chandler's face.) 喂,莫尼卡,我有一个问题. 我没看见有
Phoebe: Look out, incoming pumpkin pie! 塔特酒。
Chandler: Ok, we all laughed when you did it with the stuffing, 这不叫问题！
but that's not funny anymore. 但是我的妈妈总是做的.
(Chandler leaves.) 好象是个传统。
Joey: Hey, Monica, I got a question. I don't see any tater tots. 弄点火鸡肉在叉子上，配上点蓝莓酱
Monica: That's not a question. 还有塔特酒！
Joey: But my mom always makes them. It's like a tradition. You 因为我的“病”，我不能与家人团聚
get a little piece of turkey on your fork, a little cranberry 了，
sauce, and a tot! It's bad enough I can't be with my family 真糟糕透了。
because of my disease. 好吧，好吧。 今晚的土豆泥会有成块的
Monica: All right, fine. Tonight's potatoes will be both mashed 和有酒味的。
with lumps, and in the form of tots. 好了，我要去和还没出生的宝宝说话了
Ross: Ok, I'm off to talk to my unborn child. 嘿！
(Ross grabs for some food, Monica slaps his hand away.) /好吧，妈妈从不打我。
Monica: Ah! Ok，搞定了。
Ross: Ok, Mom never hit. 干吗，菲比，你在搅烂土豆吗？ 罗斯要
(Ross exits.) 吃块状的！
Phoebe: (stirring pot) Ok, all done. 噢,很抱歉，噢，我以为搅烂了以后,
Monica: What, Phoebe, did you whip the potatoes? Ross needs 可以加一些豌豆和洋葱。
lumps! 为什么我们要那样做？
Phoebe: Oh, I'm sorry, oh, I just, I thought we could have them 嗯，因为我妈都是那样做的，
whipped and then add some peas and onions. 你知道，在她去世之前。
Monica: Why would we do that? 好吧，第3种吃法出现。
Phoebe: Well, 'cause then they'd be like my mom used to make 好了,大伙,再见. 感谢你们.
them, you know, before she died. 哦,抱歉! 噢,抱歉！
Monica: Ok, three kinds of potatoes coming up. 最不可思议事情发生了!
Rachel: Ok, good-bye you guys. Thanks for everything. (she starts “点头狗”刚刚飞了！
to leave, and hits everyone with her skis) Oh, sorry! Oh, sorry! 那个气球吗？
(Chandler enters, running.) 不，是真的卡通人物。
Chandler: The most unbelievable thing has happened. Underdog has 当然是那个气球！
just gotten away. 电视全是它的新闻。
Joey: The balloon? 走到美西百货的时候他断线了，后来在
Chandler: No, no, the actual cartoon character. Of course the 华盛顿广场公园上又被发现了。
balloon. It's all over the news. Right before he reached Macy's, 我要上屋顶去看，谁要去？
he broke free and was spotted flying over Washington Square Park. 我不去了，我得赶飞机。
I'm goin' to the roof, who's with me? 来吧。 80英尺长的充气狗在城市上空游
Rachel: I can't, I gotta go. 荡。
Chandler: Come on. An 80-foot inflatable dog let loose over the 这样的机会有多少？
city. How often does that happen? 恐怕不会再有了。
Phoebe: Almost never. 拿上钥匙 ...
Monica: Got the keys? or Got the keys! 开始吧
Rachel: Ok. 好的，好的，开始。
(Everyone leaves the apartment.) 这里吗，我得对着哪里说？
[Scene: Carol and Susan's, Ross is preparing to talk to her 我的意思是：
belly.] 好象只有那样才能让他听见,但是 ...
Carol: Anytime you're ready. 对着鼓出来的地方就可以。
Ross: Ok, ok, here we go. (he crouches down near her stomach) Ok, 好的，开始了。
where am I talking to, here? I mean, uh, well, there is one way 你知道，我，你知道，我做不出来。
that seems to offer a certain acoustical advantage, but... 噢，这太搞笑。 我感到自己象个傻瓜。
Carol: Just aim for the bump. 那你就别说了。
Ross: Ok, ok, ok, ok, here goes. You know, I, you know, can't do 你不必因为苏珊做了你就非得做。
this. Uh, this is too weird. I feel stupid. 你好吗？宝宝！你好，你好
Carol: So don't do it, it's fine. You don't have to do it just 大狗在公园上的时候挺好玩的。
because Susan does it. 是的，但是他们必须把他射下来吗？
Ross: (quickly talking) Hello, baby. Hello, hello. 真是作孽。
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the group is coming back from the 现在火鸡应该是外焦里嫩了。
roof.] 还站在这里干嘛？
Rachel: I loved the moment when you first saw the giant dog 等你开门。你拿的钥匙。
shadow all over the park. 没有，我没拿。
Phoebe: Yeah, but did they have to shoot him down? I mean, that 你拿了。 出来的时候，你说拿了钥匙。
was just mean. 我没有。 我说:“拿上钥匙”？
Monica: Ok, right about now the turkey should be crispy on the 不、不、不。你是说："拿上钥匙".
outside, juicy on the inside. Why are we standing here? 你们俩都没带？
Rachel: We're waiting for you to open the door. You got the keys. 烤炉还开着。
Monica: No I don't. 噢，我得拿我的票!
Rachel: Yes, you do. When we left, you said, "got the keys." 等等，等等，我们有一把你家的备用钥
Monica: No I didn't. I asked, "got the ke-eys?" 匙。
Rachel: No, no, no, you said, "got the keys". 快去拿，快去!
Chandler: Do either of you have the keys? 你这种语气无法加快我的速度。
Monica: (panicked) The oven is on. 乔伊
Rachel: Oh, I gotta get my ticket! /这还凑合。
Joey: Wait, wait, we have a copy of your key. 每个人都对我说：你得选个专业，
Monica: Well then get it, get it! 你得选个专业
Joey: That tone will not make me go any faster. 于是我鼓起勇气挑了古生物学
Monica: (angry) Joey! 可能你不懂我正说什么
Joey: That one will. 我们得面对现实,你还是一个胎儿.
(Joey leaves to get the copy of the key.) 你应该高兴因为你不会再有鳃。
[Scene: Carol and Susan's, Carol is reading, Ross is talking to 你不用老是说话，你也可以对它唱歌.
her stomach.] 噢。拜托，我才不想对着你的胃唱歌！
Ross: And everyone's telling me, you gotta pick a major, you 进展如何？
gotta pick a major. So, on a dare, I picked paleontology. And you 嘘！ 正忙着呢，“沿着那些街道走着，
have no idea what I'm saying, because, let's face it, you're a 每人人的表情都很可笑。嘿，嘿！”
fetus. You're just happy you don't have gills anymore. 喂，噢，你觉着到了吗？
Carol: Look, you don't have to talk to it. You can sing to it if /是的，我有。
you want. 他总这样吗，噢 --?
Ross: Oh, please. I am not singing to your stomach, ok? /不，没有，这是第一次
(Susan enters.) 接着唱！接着唱！
Susan: Hi, how's it goin? “嘿，嘿，你是我的宝宝，我已经等不
Ross: Shh! (singing) Here we come, walkin' down the street, get 及想见你。
the funniest looks from, everyone we meet. Hey, hey! (to Carol) 等你出来后，我会为你买百吉饼
Hey, uh, did you just feel that? 然后带你去动物园。”
Carol: I did. “嘿，嘿，我是你的爸爸。没有乳房的那
Ross: Does it always, uh--? 个……”
Carol: No, no that was the first. 不，不是那个。
Susan: Keep singing! Keep singing! /你能快一点吗？
Ross: (singing) Hey, hey, you're my baby, and I can't wait to 锁眼只有一个,而钥匙有上千把. 你来试
meet you. When you come out I'll buy you a bagel, and then we'll 试
go to the zoo. 你怎么会有那么多钥匙？
Susan: I felt it! 以备不时之需，就象现在这样。
Ross: (singin) Hey, hey, I'm your daddy. I'm the one without any 你听着，假笑的家伙。
breasts. 要不是你和你那该死的气球，
[Scene: The Hallway, Joey has a tray full of keys, and is trying 现在我就在飞机上对着空中小姐指手画
each one in the lock.] 脚了。
Joey: Nope, not that one. 你说你带了钥匙，我发誓
Monica: Can you go any faster with that? 不，没有。 我如果拿了钥匙，我会说
Joey: Hey, I got one keyhole and about a zillion keys. You do the “拿了”，
math. 显然我没拿那该死的钥匙
Monica: Why do you guys have so many keys in there anyway? 哦，好吧，够了，别再提钥匙了。
Chandler: (sarcastic) For an emergency just like this. 为什么我应该拿钥匙？
Rachel: (grabs Chandler by the shirt) All right, listen, smirky. 因为你说你拿了！
If it wasn't for you and your stupid balloon, I would be on a 但是我没拿。
plane watching a woman do this (makes a gesture like a stewardess /嗯，你应该拿。
pointing out exits) right now. But I'm not. 为什么？
Monica: I swear you said you had the keys. /因为！
Rachel: No, I didn't. I wouldn't say I had the keys unless I had 为什么？ 因为一切事情都该是我的责任
the keys, and I obviously didn't have the keys. 吗？
Phoebe: Ooh, ok, that's it. Enough with the keys. No one say 难道我给大家准备感恩节晚餐还不够
keys. 吗？
(Short pause.) 每个人要的土豆泥都不一样，
Monica: Why would I have the keys? 我得做各种样式的土豆泥。
Rachel: Aside from the fact that you said you had them? 有谁关心过我要哪种土豆泥吗？
Monica: But I didn't. 没有，没有……
Rachel: Well, you should have. 菲比要有洋葱和豌豆的土豆泥
Monica: Why? “马里奥”要有塔特酒口味的，这是我
Rachel: Because! 第一次搞感恩节大餐
Monica: Why? 现在全焦了，……我……
Rachel: Because! 好了，莫尼卡，只有狗现在能听见你说
Monica: Why? Because everything is my responsibility? Isn't it 的，好了
enough that I'm making Thanksgiving dinner for everyone? You 门已经开。 进去吧。
know, everyone wants a different kind of potatoes, so I'm making 嗯,火鸡烧焦了.土豆完了,土豆完了,土
different kinds of potatoes. Does anybody care what kind of 豆完了。
potatoes I want? Nooooo, no, no! (starting to cry) Just as long “我们沿着……”？
as Phoebe gets her peas and onions, and Mario gets his tots, and 妈妈的厨房可不是这个味。
it's my first Thanksgiving, and it's all burned, and, and I... 不象是吧？ 你不是要土豆块吗，罗斯？
I... 好,拿去,伙计。
Chandler: Ok, Monica, only dogs can hear you now, so, look, the 噢，天哪， 飞机已经飞走了，
door's open. Here we go. 看来我只能留下来和你们呆在一起了
(They walk in. Smoke fills the apartment.) 我们本来都有个不错的计划的，
Monica: Well, the turkey's burnt. (checking pots) Potatoes are 这不是大伙的最佳选择.
ruined, potatoes are ruined, potatoes are ruined. 噢，真的吗？ 那我何苦为什么做这顿丰
(Ross enters, singing.) 盛
Ross: Here we come, walkin' down the—this doesn't smell like 的感恩节大餐？
Mom's. 你管这叫丰盛吗？
Monica: No, it doesn't, does it? But you wanted lumps, Ross? ......%#&^%*&^*.......
(picks up the pan of badly burnt potatoes) Well, here you go, 闭嘴，闭嘴，闭嘴!
buddy, ya got one. 终于有了点感恩节的气氛了。
Rachel: Oh, god, this is great! The plane is gone, so it looks 噢！
like I'm stuck here with you guys. /什么？
Joey: Hey, we all had better plans. This was nobody's first 丑陋裸男正从烤炉中取出他的火鸡。
choice. 噢，我的天。丑陋裸男不是一个人。
Monica: Oh, really? So why was I busting my ass to make this 他正和一个丑陋裸女共进感恩节晚餐。
delicious Thanksgiving dinner? 我得看看。
Joey: You call that delicious? 丑陋裸男真爽!
(all shouting) 裸舞开场了!
Monica: Stop it, stop it, stop it! 有人陪真好。
Chandler: Now this feels like Thanksgiving. 可以切了吗？
[Time lapse. Everyone is upset with each other. Phoebe is at the 当然可以.
window.] 来，谁想要浅色起司，谁想要深色起
Phoebe: Ooh. 司？
Rachel: What? 我一点也不想知道深色起司是怎么来的
Phoebe: Ugly Naked Guy's taking his turkey out of the oven. Oh my 有人想要和我分这块吗？
god. He's not alone. Ugly Naked Guy's having Thanksgiving dinner 噢，我要。
with Ugly Naked Gal. 你们必须先许个愿望。
(They all run to the window.) 许愿？
Joey: I've gotta see this. All right Ugly Naked Guy! 来吧，这是感.恩.节！
Monica: Ooh, Ugly Naked Dancing! 噢！你得到大半了。 你许的什么愿？
Phoebe: It's nice that he has someone. 得到大半。
[Time lapse. The gang is around the table, eating grilled cheese 我敬各位一杯。来一杯，叮叮。
sandwiches.] 我知道这不是你们本来计划的感恩节,但
Chandler: Shall I carve? 是对我来说
Rachel: By all means. 这样也挺棒的
Chandler: Ok, who wants light cheese, and who wants dark cheese? 我想，这是因为它没和离婚或者呕吐沾
Ross: I don't even wanna know about the dark cheese. 边。
Monica: (holding sandwich) Does anybody wanna split this with me? 不论如何，我在想，
Joey: Oh, I will. 如果你去了韦尔，如果你们和父母在一
Phoebe: Ooh, you guys have to make a wish. 起，
Monica: Make a wish? 如果你没有......“梅毒”那些玩意
Phoebe: Come on, you know, Thanksgiving. Ooh, you got the bigger 我们就不能一起过, 所以我想
half. What'd you wish for? 说的就是:谢天谢地你们的感恩节计划都
Joey: The bigger half. 砸了
Chandler: I'd like to propose a toast. Little toast here, ding 真是感人！
ding. I know this isn't the kind of Thanksgiving that all of you 来，祝你们有个糟糕的圣诞节。
all planned, but for me, this has been really great, you know, I /还有一个失败的新年。
think because it didn't involve divorce or projectile vomiting. 干！干！
Anyway, I was just thinking, I mean, if you'd gone to Vail, and 小便失禁！
if you guys'd been with your family, if you didn't have syphilis 停止家庭暴力 ！
and stuff, we wouldn't be all together, you know? So I guess what 有痔疮吗？
I'm trying to say is that I'm very thankful that all of your 三次“东尼奖”获得者
Thanksgivings sucked.
All: That's so sweet.
Ross: And hey, here's to a lousy Christmas.
Rachel: And a crappy New Year.
Chandler: Here, here!
Closing Credits
[Scene: The Subway, Joey sees his poster and he peels off the
caption on his poster, revealing more posters underneath. The
captions read, as follows:
Bladder Control Problem
Stop Wife Beating
Hemorrhoids?
Winner of 3 Tony Awards...
He's finally happy with that and walks away.]
End

110 The One With the Monkey

110 The One With the Monkey 110 猴子

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is entering.]

Ross: Guys? There's a somebody I'd like you to meet. 各位我想介绍一个人给大家认识
(A monkey jumps on to his shoulder.) 等等…这是怎么回事？
All: Oooh! 他叫Marcel，想和他打声招呼？
Monica: W-wait. What is that? 不，我不要
Ross: 'That' would be Marcel. You wanna say hi? 他好珍贵，哪里得到他的？
Monica: No, no, I don't. 我朋友贝瑟把它从实验室救出来的
Rachel: Oh, he is precious! Where did you get him? 真残忍
Ross: My friend Bethel rescued him from some lab. 为何有父母会将孩子取名为贝瑟？
Phoebe: That is so cruel! Why? Why would a parent name their 那猴子的屁股上长了个罗斯
child Bethel? 罗斯，它要和你同住吗？
Chandler: Hey, that monkey's got a Ross on its ass! 对，
Monica: Ross, is he gonna live with you, like, in your apartment? Carol离开后家里冷清清的
Ross: Yeah. I mean, it's been kinda quiet since Carol left, so... 为何不找个室友？
Monica: Why don't you just get a roommate? 不知道
Ross: Nah, I dunno... I think you reach a certain age, having a 人到一定的年纪后
roommate is kinda pathe- (Realises) ....sorry, that's, that's 与室友同住是有点可悲…
'pathet', which is Sanskrit for 'really cool way to live'. 抱歉，是pathet
Opening Credits 在梵语中代表很酷的生活方式
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is getting ready to sing. Joey is 各位，我今天将唱全新的曲目
not there.] 我写了12首关于我妈自杀的歌
Phoebe: So you guys, I'm doing all new material tonight. I have 及一首有关雪人的歌
twelve new songs about my mother's suicide, and one about a 你最好先唱雪人
snowman. 乔伊
Chandler: Might wanna open with the snowman. 老兄
(Enter Joey) 如何？
All: Hey, Joey. Hey, buddy. 我没得到那份工作
Monica: So, how'd it go? 你怎可能会没得到？你是去年的圣诞老
Joey: Ahhhhhh, I didn't get the job. 人
Ross: How could you not get it? You were Santa last year. 不知道哪个胖子和店经理有一腿
Joey: I dunno. Some fat guy's sleeping with the store manager. 他根本无法逗人开心，简直就是利益输
He's not even jolly, it's all political. 送
Monica: So what are you gonna be? 那么你扮演什么？
Joey: Ah, I'm gonna be one of his helpers. It's just such a slap 当他的助手，真是耻辱
in the face, y'know? 你们打算如何过新年？
Rachel: Hey, do you guys know what you're doing for New Year's? 什么？新年有什么不对劲吗？
(They all protest and hit her with cushions) Gee, what?! What is 你当然没事，你有保罗
wrong with New Year's? 无须面对新年带来的压力
Chandler: Nothing for you, you have Paolo. You don't have to face 无须急着寻找有嘴唇的生物
the horrible pressures of this holiday: desperate scramble to 在球落下那一刻有个亲嘴的对象
find anything with lips just so you can have someone to kiss when 我讲得太愤慨了
the ball drops!! Man, I'm talking loud! 告诉你吧，保罗新年时会在罗马
Rachel: Well, for your information, Paolo is gonna be in Rome 所以我将和各位一样可悲
this New Year, so I'll be just as pathetic as the rest of you. 想得美
Phoebe: Yeah, you wish! 新年时，我不想再听到迪克拉克的疲劳
Chandler: It's just that I'm sick of being a victim of this Dick 轰炸
Clark holiday. I say this year, no dates, we make a pact. Just 今年我们在一起，不出去约会
the six of us- dinner. 只有我们6个共进晚餐
All: Yeah, okay. Alright. 好吧
Chandler: Y'know, I was hoping for a little more enthusiasm. 我希望大家能更开心点
All: Woooo! Yeah! 哦太好啦
Rachel: Phoebe, you're on. 菲比,该上台了
Phoebe: Oh, oh, good. 好
Rachel: (Into microphone) Okay, hi. Ladies and gentlemen, back by 各位
popular demand, Miss Phoebe Buffay. Wooh! 应观众要求，Phoebe Buffay小姐
Phoebe: (Takes mike) Thanks, hi. Um, I wanna start with a song 谢谢，首先的这首歌在这种时节令我感
that means a lot to me this time of year. (Shakes bell as an 慨万分
introduction) (Sung:) 我做了一个人，眼睛是煤炭做的
I made a man with eyes of coal 他有谜样的微笑
And a smile so bewitchin', 我如何能承受母亲死在厨房的事实
How was I supposed to know La lalala la la
That my mom was dead in the kitchen? 母亲的骨灰，甚至是她的睫毛
(shakes bell) La lalala la la la la lalala la la... 都安放在一个黄色的小骨灰坛
(Cut to later. Everyone is totally depressed by now.) 天寒地冻时
Phoebe: (Sung) 我感觉有点想打啧涕
...My mother's ashes 如今我…抱歉，吵闹的两位
Even her eyelashes 有什么想和大家分享的吗？
Are resting in a little yellow jar, 没...没事
And sometimes when it's breezy... 快说，如果有事如此重要
(Over the sound of Phoebe singing we hear two scientists, Max and 你们非在我唱歌时谈论
David, having a noisy discussion) 那就重要的足以与我们分享
Phoebe: (Sung) 那家伙铁定会被训一顿回家
...I feel a little sneezy 我是告诉我朋友…
And now I- (abruptly stops) 大声点行吗？
Excuse me, excuse me! Yeah, noisy boys! (They stop talking and 抱歉，我告诉我朋友
look up) Is it something that you would like to share with the 你是我见过最漂亮的女孩
entire group? 他说黛瑞汉娜…黛瑞汉娜
Max: No. No, that's- that's okay. 是他见过最美的女人
Phoebe: Well, c'mon, if it's important enough to discuss while 我说我喜欢”美人鱼”中的她
I'm playing, then I assume it's important enough for everyone 但"华尔街"就没那么喜欢了
else to hear! 她没那种...气质
Chandler: (Quietly, to the others) That guy's going home with a 黛瑞汉娜是传统的美
note! 而你散发出高雅的气质
David: Noth- I was- I was just saying to my- 然后你就叫我们了
Phoebe: Could you speak up please? 休息片刻
David: (Stands up and speaks more loudly) Sorry, I wa- I was just 那家伙将抱得美人归
saying to my friend that I thought you were the most beautiful 过来，Marcel，坐这儿
woman that I'd ever seen in my- in my life. And then he said 拜托，没想到他还没亲你
that- you said you thought 我第6次和保罗约会时
Max: Daryl Hannah. 他就为我的双峰取了名字
David: Daryl Hannah was the most beautiful woman that he'd ever 我分享太多了吗？
seen in his life and I said yeah, I liked her in Splash, a lot, 一点点
but not so much in- in Wall Street, I thought she had kind of a 大卫是个科学家
Max: Hard quality. 做事一丝不苟
David: -hard quality. And uh, while Daryl Hannah is beautiful in 我觉得很好
a conventional way, you are luminous with a kind of a delicate 我也是
grace. Then, uh, that-that-that's when you started yelling. (Sits 你们看过军官与绅士吗？
down) 看过
Phoebe: Okay, we're gonna take a short break. (Goes over to their 他就是我心目中的白马王子
table) 除了他更聪明，温柔体贴
Joey: Hey, that guy's going home with more than a note! 我只想整天和他厮守在一起
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone except Joey is decorating 不管是白天或夜晚
for Christmas.] 还是夜晚或白天
Ross: Come here, Marcel. Sit here. (Marcel wanders off) 还有特别的日子
Rachel: Pheebs, I can't believe he hasn't kissed you yet. I mean 等等，我知道了
God, by my sixth date with Paolo, I mean he had already named 你邀他共度新年，对不？
both my breasts! ...Ooh. Did I just share too much? 你想抛弃我们
Ross: Just a smidge. 她想抛弃我们
Phoebe: David's like, y'know, Scientist Guy. He's very 不不不...
methodical. 我可以吗...？
Monica: I think it's romantic. 好吧，因为我已约了Janice
Phoebe: Me too! Oh! Did you ever see An Officer and a Gentleman? 拜托，我们是六人行
Rachel: Yeah! 你的六人
Phoebe: Well, he's kinda like the guy I went to see that with. 我毁约了，行吗？
Except, except he-he's smarter, and gentler, and sweeter... I 我耐不住寂寞，我毁约了
just- I just wanna be with him all the time. Day and night, and 可是Janice…
night and day... and special occasions... 你们的分手不是糟透了？
Chandler: Wait a minute, wait a minute, I see where this is 我没说这是个好主意
going, you're gonna ask him to New Year's, aren't you. You're 我毁约了
gonna break the pact. She's gonna break the pact. 不好意思我来晚了
Phoebe: No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, could I just? 太滑稽了，乔伊你太逗了
Chandler: Yeah, 'cause I already asked Janice. 鞋子正点吧
Monica: What?! 我快笑死了
Ross: C'mon, this was a pact! This was your pact! 罗斯，它又玩我的铲子
Chandler: I snapped, okay? I couldn't handle the pressure and I 它又不会玩坏的
snapped. 你非得每次都带它来不可吗？
Monica: Yeah, but Janice? That-that was like the worst breakup in 我不想让它独守空房
history! 我们早上才吵了一架
Chandler: I'm not saying it was a good idea, I'm saying I 一定是我加班惹的祸
snapped! 我说了不该说的话
[Joey enters, his shoes have bells on, which jingle as he walks. 它就朝我扔一坨屎
He is wearing a long coat.] 如果你必须加班
Joey: Hi. Hi, sorry I'm late. 我可以替你照顾它
(He removes the coat to reveal an elf costume) 这太好了，不过如果你去照顾它
Chandler: Too many jokes... must mock Joey! 要装成一付去找它的样子
Joey: Nice shoes, huh? (He wiggles his foot and the bells tinkle) 不能让它知道你是在帮我忙
Chandler: Aah, y'killing me! 好，但它如果问起
(Marcel knocks over some kitchen tools) 我可就要实话实说了
Monica: Ross! He's playing with my spatulas again! 但我们仍无法测试这个理论
Ross: Okay, look, he's not gonna hurt them, right? 因为今日粒子加速的速度
Monica: Do you always have to bring him here? 仍无法模拟出这样的情况
Ross: I didn't wanna leave him alone. Alright? We- we had our 好，我有个问题
first fight this morning. I think it has to do with my working 你要亲我吗？
late. I said some things that I didn't mean, and he- he threw 这是个正当而合理的问题
some faeces... 答案是…
Chandler: Y'know, if you're gonna work late, I could look in on 对，我曾想过
him for you. 但我要让这非凡的事件
Ross: Oh, that'd be great! Okay, but if you do, make sure it 发生在非凡的时刻
seems like you're there to see him, okay, and you're not like 因为是你
doing it as a favour to me. 当然
Chandler: Okay, but if he asks, I'm not going to lie. 但等得越久亲吻就越非凡
[Scene: Max and David's lab, David is explaining something to 而在此时此地
Phoebe with the aid of a whiteboard.] 我想扫去桌上的一切
David: ...But, you can't actually test this theory, because 将你丢在上面
today's particle accelerators are nowhere near powerful enough to 但我不是会扫去一切
simulate these conditions. 那种猴急的男人
Phoebe: Okay, alright, I have a question, then. 大卫，我想你是
David: Yuh. 你是被困在物理学家体内的猛男
Phoebe: Um, were you planning on kissing me ever? 真的？
David: Uh, that's definitely a, uh, valid question. And, uh, the 没错，我确定
answer would be (Writes YES on the board) yes. Yes I was. But, 扫去一切然后将我丢上去吧
see, I wanted it to be this phenomenal kiss that happened at this 现在？
phenomenal moment, because, well, 'cause it's you. 对,现在
Phoebe: Sure. 好...
David: Right. But, see, the longer I waited, the more phenomenal 这东西很贵的
the kiss had to be, and now we've reached a place where it's just 这个是人家送的
gotta be one of those things where I just like... sweep 你在清理场地？
everything off the table and throw you down on it. And, uh, I'm 好吧,管他的
not really a, uh, sweeping sorta fella. 你想让我丢上去还是自己跳上去？
Phoebe: Oh, David, I, I think you are a sweeping sorta fella. I 我自己跳好了
mean, you're a sweeper! ...trapped inside a physicist's body. 告诉我
David: Rrrreally. ”六人行”对你有何意义？
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, oh, I'm sure of it. You should just do it, just 抱歉，不过钱德有对象，菲比也有对象
sweep and throw me. 所以我约了搞笑巴比
David: ...Now? Now? 搞笑巴比？你的前任男友搞笑巴比？
Phoebe: Oh yeah, right now. 是啊
David: Okay, okay, okay. (Gets ready to sweep, and then picks up 你还认识其他的搞笑巴比？
a laptop computer) Y'know what, this was just really expensive. 我认识搞笑巴伯
(Puts it down elsewhere. Then picks up a microscope) And I'll 来了
take- this was a gift. (Moves it) 没添牛奶的地方了
Phoebe: Okay, now you're just kinda tidying. 好了
David: Okay, what the hell, what the hell. (Sweeps the remaining 这么说六人行中三人另有节目
papers off the desk and grabs Phoebe) You want me to actually 四人
throw you or you-you wanna just hop? 四人
Phoebe: I can hop. (She hops onto the table) 五人
(They kiss, finally) 五人
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.] 抱歉，保罗提早搭飞机回来
Ross: So tell me something. What does the phrase 'no date pact' 而我在梅西百货遇上一个火辣辣的单身
mean to you? 妈妈
Monica: I'm sorry, okay. It's just that Chandler has somebody, 我这个小精灵怎能抗拒？
and Phoebe has somebody- I thought I'd ask Fun Bobby. 这么说球落下那一刻
Chandler: Fun Bobby? Your ex-boyfriend Fun Bobby? 我只好孤零零地？
Monica: Yeah. 别这样
Joey: You know more than one Fun Bobby? 我们将举行盛大的派对
Chandler: I happen to know a Fun Bob. 而且无人知道…
Rachel: (Brings Joey a mug of coffee) Okay, here we go... 我现在不需要知道这些
Joey: Ooh ooh ooh ooh, there's no room for milk! 你怎么了？
Rachel: (Glances at Joey and then sips his coffee) There. Now 都是Marcel
there is. 它一直不让我进门去
Ross: Okay, so on our no-date evening, three of you now have 它拖着双手不断绕圈子
dates. 真是诡异
Joey: Uh, four. 我前几天晚上还跟它相处愉快
Ross: Four. 真的？
Rachel: Five. 我们一起玩，看电视
Ross: Five. (Buries his head in his hands) 杂耍那一部份真是太精彩了
Rachel: Sorry. Paolo's catching an earlier flight. 什么杂耍？
Joey: Yeah, and I met this really hot single mom at the store. 拿袜子当球耍
What's an elf to do? 我以为是你教它的
Ross: Okay, so I'm gonna be the only one standing there alone 我没有
when the ball drops? 这也不算什么，只是拿袜子当球耍罢了
Rachel: Oh, c'mon. We'll have, we'll have a big party, and no- 还有一颗香瓜
one'll know who's with who. 菲比
Ross: Hey, y'know, this is so not what I needed right now. 马克斯,认识大家吗？
Monica: What's the matter? 不认识，你看见David吗？
Ross: Oh, it's-it's Marcel. He keeps shutting me out, y'know? 没有，他没在这儿
He's walking around all the time dragging his hands... 看见他时告诉他快打包
Chandler: That's so weird, I had such a blast with him the other 我们要去明斯克
night. 明斯克？
Ross: Really. 在苏联
Chandler: Yeah, we played, we watched TV.. that juggling thing is 我知道明斯克在哪儿
amazing. 我们已申请到奖助金
Ross: What, uh... what juggling thing? 全额赞助我们三年
Chandler: With the balled-up socks? I figured you taught him 你们何时走？
that. 元旦
Ross: No. 你来这儿干什么？
Chandler: Y'know, it wasn't that big a deal. He just balled up 马克斯告诉我明克斯的事了
socks... and a melon... 恭禧了，真叫人兴奋
(Max runs in) 能去的话会更叫人兴奋
Max: Phoebe. Hi. 你不去了？为什么？
Phoebe: Oh, hi Max! Hey, do you know everybody? 告诉他，David
Max: No. Have you seen David? 我不要去明克斯
Phoebe: No, no, he hasn't been around. 和李本斯亚马古基与法朗克共事
Max: Well, if you see him, tell him to pack his bags. We are 不不不，不去
going to Minsk. 我要留下来和我的女友培养感情
Phoebe: Minsk? 够了，马克斯，谢谢
Max: Minsk. It's in Russia. 你真的不去？
Phoebe: I know where Minsk is. 我也不知道
Max: We got the grant. Three years, all expenses paid. 我不知道该如何是好
Phoebe: So when, when do you leave? 你决定
Max: January first. 别这样
Commercial Break 求求你
[Scene: Max and David's lab, they are working. Phoebe knocks on 不... 我是在求你
the door] 我不能那么做
Phoebe: Hello? 但我下不了决定
David: Hey! 这是你的事我不能…
Phoebe: Hi. 我可以
David: Hi! (Kisses her) What-what're you doing here? 好吧，留下来
Phoebe: Um, well, Max told me about Minsk, so (Puts on a fake 留下来
cheery voice) congratulations! This is so exciting! 留下来
Max: It'd be even more exciting if we were going. 你进步神速
Phoebe: Oh, you're not going? (Fake disappointed voice) Oh, why? 这是马克斯的东西
Max: Tell her, David. 'I don't wanna go to Minsk and work with 我喜欢菊芋
Lifson and Yamaguchi and Flench, on nonononononono. I wanna stay 别告诉我里面是什么
here and make out with my girlfriend!!' (Storms out) 我明天才开始节食
David: Thank you, Max. Thank you. 记得Janice？
Phoebe: So-so you're really not going? 历历在目
David: I don't know. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I just- you 我是Sandy
decide. Sandy，请进
Phoebe: Oh don't do that. 你把孩子都带来了
David: Please. 对，可以吗？
Phoebe: Oh no no. 我来了
David: No, but I'm asking- 这东西不可以进来
Phoebe: Oh, but I can't do that- 东西？
David: No, but I can't- 你都这样招呼客人吗？
Phoebe: It's your thing, and- 我问你，
David: -make the decision- 如果我带着新女友来
Phoebe: Okay, um, stay. 你也不欢迎她进来？
David: Stay. 你的新女友不会尿在我的咖啡桌上
Phoebe: Stay. 它已经够难为情了，行吗？
(He thinks for a moment and sweeps the stuff off the table) 它已鼓足勇气回到这里
Phoebe: Getting so good at that! (She hops on) 就当一切都没发生过一样
David: It was Max's stuff. (They kiss) 好，叫它离我远点就是了
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the party has started.] 谢谢。来，Marcel
Janice: I love this artichoke thing! Oh, don't tell me what's in 咱们去交际一下吧
it, the diet starts tomorrow! (Laughs her Janice laugh) 待会儿见
Chandler: You remember Janice. 天啊，瑞秋，你没事吧？
Monica: Vividly. 保罗在哪儿？
(Someone knocks on the door; Monica gets it) 罗马。那混蛋没赶上飞机
Monica: Hi. 然后你的脸就爆炸了？
Sandy: Hi, I'm Sandy. 不是
Joey: Sandy! Hi! C'mon in! (She enters, followed by a young boy 我在机场要进入计程车时
and a younger girl)...You brought your kids. 一个带着一本书的金发女人
Sandy: Yeah. That's okay, right? 开始对我大叫
(Joey and Monica look at each other and shrug. Ross enters with 说计程车是她先拦到的
Marcel on his shoulder) 然后她就开始扯我的头发
Ross: Par-tay! 我拿出口哨猛吹
Monica: That thing is not coming in here. 结果又来了三辆计程车
Ross: 'That thing'? This is how you greet guests at a party? Let 我要上车时
me ask you something, if I showed up here with my new girlfriend, 她又跘我
she wouldn't be welcome in your home? 结果我撞上了路缘
Monica: I'm guessing your new girlfriend wouldn't urinate on my 嘴唇被口中的哨子弄伤
coffee table. 大家玩得还愉快吧？
Ross: Okay. He was more embarrassed about that than anyone. Okay? 有人吃我的沙司吗？
And for him to have the courage to walk back in here like nothing 我上周看见你时
happened... 那或许是我第一次想像裸体的小精灵
Monica: Alright. Just keep him away from me. 真淫荡
Ross: Thank you. (She walks off) C'mon, Marcel, whaddya say you 孩子们
and I do a little mingling? (Marcel runs off) Alright, I'll, 看他，
uh... catch up with you later. 我没说他得整晚和我待在一起
(The door opens. Rachel is standing there. Her coat is muddy and 但至少也得来问候一声
torn, her hair is dishevelled and her face is bruised. Everyone 原来你在这儿
turns to look) 我让你跑了
Monica: Oh my gosh! Rachel, honey.. are you okay? Where-where's 但又被你逮到了
Paolo? 罗斯，帮我们照一张
Rachel: Rome. Jerk missed his flight. 笑一个
Phoebe: And then... your face is bloated? 你在Janice的相机中了
Rachel: No. Okay. I was at the airport, getting into a cab, when 杀了我吧
this woman- this blonde planet with a pocketbook- starts yelling 各位，搞笑巴比来了
at me. Something about how it was her cab first. And then the 抱歉，我迟到了
next thing I know she just starts- starts pulling me out by my 我祖父他在两小时前过世了
hair! So I'm blowing my attack whistle thingy and three more cabs 明天才有飞机
show up, and as I'm going to get into a cab she tackles me. And I 所以我来了
hit my head on the kerb and cut my lip on my 搞笑巴比，
whistle...oh...everybody having fun at the party? (To Monica) Are 近来可好？
people eating my dip? 谁死了？
[Time lapse. Monica and Rachel, fixed up somewhat, emerge from a 他棺材将暂时不盖上
bedroom] 所以我至少可以再见他最后一面
Sandy: Y'know, when I saw you at the store last week, it was 这一次我不想再搞砸了
probably the first time I ever mentally undressed an elf. 我要写上“破镜重圆”
Joey: Wow, that's, uh, dirty. Janice，够了
Sandy: Yeah. Janice…
(They almost kiss and then Joey realises her kids are staring at 我邀你来...
them) 但它并不代表我们…
Joey: Hey, kids... 不...
Ross: (Watching Marcel play with Phoebe. To Chandler) Look at 抱歉，让你误会了
him. I'm not saying he has to spend the whole evening with me, 你听我说…
but at least check in. 这可能是你我最后一次共处了
Janice: (Startles them) There you are! Haaah, you got away from 那东西可以给我吗？
me! 马克斯
Chandler: (Imitating) But you found me! 嗨，小野洋子
Janice: Here, Ross, take our picture. (Hands him a camera and he 我决定自己去明斯克了
starts snapping) Smile! You're on Janice Camera! 少了你将失色不少，但它还是明斯克
Chandler: Kill me. Kill me now. 新年快乐
(Someone else knocks on the door. Monica looks through the 你还好吧？
spyhole) 我没事
Monica: Hey everybody! It's Fun Bobby! 你去明克斯吧
(Everyone cheers. Monica opens the door. Bobby is obviously very 不，我不去了
depressed) 你一定要去明斯克
Fun Bobby: Hey, sorry I'm late. But my, uh, grandfather, he- died 你属于明斯克
about two hours ago. But I-I-I couldn't get a flight out 'til 你不能因为我而留下来
tomorrow, so here I am! 我可以
Joey: (Approaching) Hey Fun Bobby! Whoah! Who died? 因为如果我走
(Monica gestures wildly behind Fun Bobby's back) 就代表我必须与你分手
[Time lapse. Bobby is talking about his grandfather. Everyone 我又不能和你分手
else is virtually in tears] 不，你可以
Fun Bobby: It's gonna be an open casket, y'know, so at least 你只要说：
I'll- I get to see him again. 菲比，我爱你。但我的工作是我的生命
Janice: (Ross is still taking their photo) Oh, I'm gonna blow 我现在得去
this one up, and I'm gonna write 'Reunited' in glitter. 我说，你的工作？
Chandler: Alright, Janice, that's it! Janice... Janice... Hey, 你竟说出这种话？
Janice, when I invited you to this party I didn't necessarily 你说...
think that it meant that we- 我痛苦欲绝，
Janice: Oh, no. Oh, no. 但我没的选择
Chandler: I'm sorry you misunderstood... 难道你不了解吗？
Janice: Oh my God. You listen to me, Chandler, you listen to me. 我说，
One of these times is just gonna be your last chance with me. 不，我不了解
(She runs off) 好痛
(Ross is still taking photos) 抱歉
Chandler: Oh, will you give me the thing. (Snatches the camera) 然后你抱住我…
(David is feeding Phoebe popcorn. Max walks up) 然后你对我说你爱我
Phoebe: Hi, Max! 你永远不会忘记我
Max: Yoko. (To David) I've decided to go to Minsk without you. 我永远不会忘记你
David: Wow. 你又说现在已接近午夜
Max: It won't be the same- but it'll still be Minsk. Happy New 你必须走了
Year.(Walks off) 你不想与我共度新年
Phoebe: Are you alright? 因为你实在狠不下心离开
David: Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine. 我会想你的，科学家
(Phoebe leads David into a bedroom) 我是迪克拉克
Phoebe: You're going to Minsk. 在时代广场为你做实况报导
David: No, I'm... not going to Minsk. 时代广场这儿的五彩纸片纷纷落下
Phoebe: Oh, you are so going to Minsk. You belong in Minsk. You 一年比一年进步
can't stay here just 'cause of me. 睡吧孩子们
David: Yes I can. Because if I go it means I have to break up 然后孔雀就咬我
with you, and I can't break up with you. 请在午夜吻我
Phoebe: Oh yes, yes, yes you can. Just say, um, 'Phoebe, my work 看见Sandy没？
is my life and that's what I have to do right now'. And I say 我不知该如何告诉你
'your work?! Your work?! How can you say that?!'. And then you 她和马克斯在摩妮卡的房里
say, um, 'it's tearing me apart, but I have no choice. Can't you 那个科学怪人
understand that?'. And I say (Hits him) 'no! No! I can't 酷，你看我还是告诉你了
understand that!'. 各位,大球要掉了
David: Uh, ow. 什么?
Phoebe: Ooh, sorry. Um, and, and then you put your arms around 大球要掉了
me. And then you put your arms around me. (He does so) And, um, 再过20秒钟就是午夜
and then you tell me that you love me and you'll never forget me. 兴奋的时刻即将到来
David: I'll never forget you. “六人行”计划似乎奏效
Phoebe: And then you say that it's almost midnight and you have 大家好像都很开心，
to go because you don't wanna start the new year with me if you 我不喜欢
can't finish it. (They kiss) I'm gonna miss you. You scientist 不是大家都开心
guy. 嘿，巴比
Dick Clark: (on TV) Hi, this is Dick Clark, live in Times Square. 我这么说好了
We're in a virtual snowstorm of confetti here in Times Square... 我不是数学大师
(Joey puts a blanket over Sandy's kids) 但我相信这儿有3对男女
Joey: There y'go, kids. 今晚我不想亲任何人
Chandler: (To a woman who he has clearly just met) And then the 我无法亲任何人
peacock bit me. (Laughs) Please kiss me at midnight. (She leaves) 我就该亲大家？
Joey: You seen Sandy? 不，你不能亲罗斯
Chandler: Ooh. Uh, I don't know how to tell you this, but she's 他是你哥
in Monica's bedroom, getting it on with Max, that scientist geek. 太好了
Ooh, look at that, I did know how to tell you. 大家都被亲了，除我之外
Rachel: Vrrbddy, the bll is drrbing. 谁来亲我…
All: (in the kitchen) What? 谁来亲我…现在是午夜…
Rachel: The bll is drrbing! 好吧，来吧
Dick Clark: (on TV) In twenty seconds it'll be midnight... 我真想和他好好相处
Chandler: And the moment of joy is upon us. 替它换尿布，替它抓跳蚤
Joey: Looks like that no date pact thing worked out. 但它却视为理所当然
Phoebe: Everybody looks so happy. I hate that. 深爱某人却得不到回报
Monica: Not everybody's happy. Hey Bobby! 真是令人难过
(Bobby waves and then bursts into tears. Midnight comes and 我想那个贱人打断了我的牙齿
everyone at the party except for the gang cheers and kisses) 剧终
Chandler: Y'know, I uh.. just thought I'd throw this out here. 谢谢观赏
I'm no math whiz, but I do believe there are three girls and
three guys right here. (Makes kiss noise)
Phoebe: I dunno. I don't feel like kissing anyone tonight.
Rachel: I can't kiss anyone.
Monica: So I'm kissing everyone?
Joey: Nonono, you can't kiss Ross, that's your brother.
Ross: Perfect. Perfect. So now everybody's getting kissed but me.
Chandler: Alright, somebody kiss me. Somebody kiss me, it's
midnight! Somebody kiss me!
Joey: Alrightalrightalright. (Kisses him. Ross takes a photo)
There.
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, time lapse.]
Ross: (Watching Marcel and talking to Rachel) I wanted this to
work so much. I mean I'm still in there, changing his diapers,
pickin' his fleas... but he's just phoning it in. Just so hard to
accept the fact that something you love so much doesn't love you
back.
Rachel: ...I think that bitch cracked my tooth.
End

111 The One With Mrs. Bing

111 The One With Mrs. Bing 111 宾太太（钱德之母）

[Scene: A Street: Monica and Phoebe are walking to a newsstand.]

Phoebe: Do you think they have yesterday's daily news? 你想他们有昨天的报纸吗?
Monica: Why? 干嘛?
Phoebe: Just wanna check my horoscope, see if it was right. 我只是想看我的星运准不准
Monica: Oh my God. (Grabs Phoebe and turns her away) Phoebe. 天啊，菲比，别看
Don't look now, but behind us is a guy who has the potential to 你背后有个将会令我们
break our hearts and plunge us into a pit of depression. 伤心欲绝的帅哥
Phoebe: Where? (Turns to face him) Ooh, come to Momma. 在哪儿?
Monica: He's coming. Be cool, be cool, be cool. 朝妈妈这来呀.
(The guy walks past them) 他来了，酷一点…
Guy: Nice hat. 好帽子
Monica and Phoebe: (in unison) Thanks. 谢谢
(The guy walks on) 我们应该有所行动，吹口哨
Phoebe: We should do something. Whistle. 我不吹
Monica: We are not going to whistle. 快吹/不/吹，吹，吹
Phoebe: Come on, do it. 我无法相信你会这样
Monica: No! 我为何会学狼叫?
Phoebe: Do it! 我期望会发生什么?
Monica: No! 他回头说”我喜欢那声音
Phoebe: Do it do it do it! 我现在就要你”?
Monica: (Shouts to the guy) Woo-woo! 我只希望我们能帮上一点忙
(The guy turns round, startled. Monica points to Phoebe. The guy 昏迷中的帅哥
gets hit by a truck) 起来!起来!起来!
Phoebe: I can't believe you did that! Phebe，你在干什么?
Opening Credits 或许没人试过这一招
[Scene: Hospital, the guy is in a coma and Mon and Pheebs are 希望至少能知道他的名字
visiting.] 瞧他这张脸
Monica: Why did I 'woo-hoo'? I mean, what was I hoping would 即使他在昏迷中仍一副聪明样
happen? That-that he'd turn round and say 'I love that sound, I 我猜他是个律师
must have you now'? 但是，你看见他手关节上的凹凸么?
Phoebe: I just wish there was something we could do. (Bends down 那说明他是个艺术家
and talks to him) Hello. Hello, Coma Guy. GET UP, YOU GIRL SCOUT! 他是个兼职教雕塑的律师
UP! UP! UP! 而且他会跳舞
Monica: Phoebe, what are you doing? 他是那种静静听你讲话的人
Phoebe: Maybe nobody's tried this. 不是说”我了解”
Monica: I wish we at least knew his name... Look at that face. I 而猜想着你裸体的样子
mean, even sleeping, he looks smart. I bet he's a lawyer. 我希望男生都像他这样
Phoebe: Yeah, but did you see the dents in his knuckles? That 我知道
means he's artistic. 纽约难道没有适合你们的清醒男生?
Monica: Okay, he's a lawyer, who teaches sculpting on the side. 他身旁没人照顾
And- he can dance! 对，我们觉得应该负起责任
Phoebe: Oh! And, he's the kinda guy who, when you're talking, 我不敢相信你会吹口哨
he's listening, y'know, and not saying 'Yeah, I understand' but 连我都不吹口哨
really wondering what you look like naked. 她出现了
Monica: I wish all guys could be like him. 各位，稍后我们将谈论她的新书
Phoebe: I know. ”豪放女”
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Phoebe are telling 永远引人人胜的诺拉泰勒宾
everyone about their coma guy.] 你得叫你的孩子上床睡觉了
Chandler: Are there no conscious men in the city for you two? 我们别看这个
Monica: He doesn't have anyone. 电影台有许多好电影
Phoebe: Yeah, we-we feel kinda responsible. 不行，没门
Joey: I can't believe you said woowoo. I don't even say woowoo. 拜托，作者是你妈妈!
Rachel: Oh, she's coming up! She's coming up! (Turns on the TV) 柏尼斯之周末夜
Jay Leno: (on TV) Folks, when we come back we'll be talking about 死人的腹股沟被打二，三十次
her new book, 'Euphoria Unbound': the always interesting Nora 钱德勒，我得告诉你
Tyler Bing. You might wanna put the kids to bed for this one. 我爱你妈的书
(Everyone has settled down to watch, except Chandler) 飞机上没她的书陪伴
Chandler: Y'know, we don't have to watch this. Weekend At 我会度日如年
Bernie's is on Showtime, HBO, and Cinemax. 她的书简直是酷毙了
Rachel: No way, forget it. 如果你小时候朋友争相传阅
Joey: C'mon, she's your mom! ”情妇婊子”的79页，你就不会认为酷
Chandler: Exactly. Weekend At Bernie's! Dead guy getting hit in 了
the groin twenty, thirty times! No? 拜托，我爱你妈
Rachel: Chandler, I gotta tell you, I love your mom's books! I 她是第一流的
love her books! I cannot get on a plane without one! I mean, this 你当然能这样说
is so cool! 因为她不是你妈
Chandler: Yeah, well, you wouldn't think it was cool if you're 拜托
eleven years old and all your friends are passing around page 79 亲爱的
of 'Mistress Bitch.' 那个意大利人何时从罗马回来?
Ross: C'mon, Chandler, I love your mom. I think she's a blast. 昨晚
Chandler: You can say that because she's not your mom. 他的飞机没在空中炸成火球?
Ross: Oh, please... 只是我做过的一个梦？
(Rachel opens the door to Paolo) 但是。。。
Paolo: Bona sera. 她出现了
Rachel: Oh, hi sweetie. (They kiss) 啊，诺拉宾
Ross: When did Rigatoni get back from Rome? 等会儿再谈你的书吧
Monica: Last night. 听说你在伦敦被逮捕?
Ross: Ah, so then his plane didn't explode in a big ball of 你妈被逮捕?
fire?... Just a dream I had- but, phew. 安静，我正感到无比的骄傲
Phoebe: Hey hey hey! She's on! 说来有点难为情
Paolo: Ah! Nora Bing! 不经意和一个男人亲热后
Jay Leno: (on TV) ...Now what is this about you-you being 她怎会说难为情?
arrested i-in London? What is that all about? 嘘
Phoebe: Your mom was arrested? 只因我很想吃宫保鸡丁
Chandler: Shhh, busy beaming with pride. 透露太多了!
Mrs. Bing: (on TV) ...This is kind of embarrassing, but 现在你正为新书做宣传
occasionally after I've been intimate with a man... 情况如何?
Chandler: Now why would she say that's embarrassing? 还不错，明天我将前往纽约
All: Shhh. 其实我不喜欢纽约
Mrs. Bing: (on TV) ...I just get this craving for Kung Pow 我的儿子住那儿，我爱他.
Chicken. 母亲只会透过电话这么说
Chandler: THAT'S TOO MUCH INFORMATION!! 别会错意
Jay Leno: (on TV) Alright, so now you're doing this whole book 只是我看不出你已为人母
tour thing, how is that going? 我绝对没有恶意
Mrs. Bing: (on TV) Oh, fine. I'm leaving for New York tomorrow, 不，我是个很前卫的母亲
which I hate- but I get to see my son, who I love... 我儿子的第一个保险套
All: Awww! 是我买给他的
Chandler: This is the way that I find out. Most moms use the 然后他就欲火焚身
phone. 国会正讨论新削算赤字法案
Jay Leno: (on TV) Y'know, don't take this wrong, I-I just don't 市长想再度提高地铁票价
see you a-as a mom, somehow.. I don't mean that, I don't mean 今天最高气温是45度
that bad... 还有各球队正在比赛
Mrs. Bing: (on TV) Oh no, I am a fabulous mom! I bought my son 格伦如何?
his first condoms. 可以叫他格伦
(The gang turn to look at Chandler) 不，还不够特别
Chandler: ...And then he burst into flames. 阿格曼侬如何?
[Scene: The Hospital, it's a montage of Monica and Phoebe's visit 太特别了
to the hospital with My Guy playing in the background. It 我饿死了，我想吃什么呢?
starts with Monica reading a newspaper to him.] 拜托，别又是宫保鸡丁
Monica: Let's see. Congress is debating a new deficit reduction 你看了那节目，感觉如何?
bill... the mayor wants to raise subway fares again... the high 我觉得你可以更开放一些…
today was forty-five... and- oh, teams played sports. 为何选在这种二流餐厅?
[Next is a shot of them dragging an enormous plant into the room, 只有你才会选这种地方
then Monica knitting a sweater, then Phoebe singing, then Phoebe 闭嘴，这样满不错的
shaving him and chatting to Monica] 来，抱一个
Phoebe: What about Glen? He could be a Glen. 我想我们可以喝点龙舌酒了
Monica: Nah... not-not special enough. 我知道我可以
Phoebe: Ooh! How about Agamemnon? 谁要来点儿
Monica: Waaay too special. 我也要
[Scene: A Mexican Restaurant, Monica, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler and 我也要
his mom are there.] 给你。罗斯？
Mrs. Bing: I am famished. What do I want... (Looks at Chandler's 我不喝酒
menu) 抱歉，我们迟到了
Chandler: Please God don't let it be Kung Pow Chicken. 我们有点忘了时间
Mrs. Bing: Oh, you watched the show! What'd you think? 男人可以改变
Chandler: Well, I think you need to come out of your shell just a 有人要我评价任何事物吗?
little. 宾太太，我得告诉你
Ross: (Entering) What is this dive? Only you could've picked this 我拜读过你所有的大作
place. 我是说真的
Mrs. Bing: Oooh, c'mon, shut up, it's fun. Gimme a hug. (They 我读”浪漫夜”后
both sit down) Well, I think we're ready for some tequila. 就一心想成为作家
Chandler: I know I am. 别这么说
Mrs. Bing: Who's doing shots? 我能办到大家都能办到
Monica: Yeah. 你只需先描述几个欧洲城市
Phoebe: I'm in. 以委婉语形容男性生殖器
Mrs. Bing: There y'go. Ross? 这样就能写成一本书了
Ross: Uh, I'm not really a shot drinking kinda guy. 各位，我母亲
(Enter Rachel and Paolo. They are both somewhat flustered) 226房有留言吗?
Rachel: Hi! Sorry- sorry we're late, we, uh, kinda just, y'know, 你还好吧，猛男?
lost track of time. 我还好
Ross: ...But a man can change. (Downs a shot) 你今晚怎么了?
[Time lapse. Ross is now clearly drunk. He is holding up a shot 没什么
glass to his eye like a jeweller's eye.] 谢谢
Ross: Anyone want me to appraise anything? 是因为那个意大利舔手男?
(Rachel feeds something to Paolo. He eats it and licks her hand) 不，是因为被他舔的人
Rachel: Mrs. Bing, I have to tell you, I've read everything 她应该和你在一起
you've ever written. No, I mean it! I mean, when I read Euphoria 你真行
at Midnight, all I wanted to do was become a writer. 罗斯，我卖出上亿本的书
Mrs. Bing: Oh, please, honey, listen, if I can do it, anybody 知道为什么吗?
can. You just start with half a dozen European cities, throw in 因为封面上的辣妹露两点?
thirty euphemisms for male genitalia, and bam! You have got 不，因为我知道怎样去描写
yourself a book. 会被女人们爱上的男人
Chandler: Myyy mother, ladies and gentlemen. 相信我，保罗没有卖点
[Cut to Mrs. Bing on the telephone.] 没人有兴趣翻325页
Mrs. Bing: Yeah, any messages for room 226? 看保罗的罗曼史
(Ross emerges from a toilet marked 'Chicas') 他不过是个二等货
Mrs. Bing: You okay there, slugger? 不过是最后被你终结的纠葛
Ross: Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine. (A woman emerges from the toilet 什么时候?
behind him and he tries to pretend he was in the other one) 他不女人心中的英雄
Mrs. Bing: What is with you tonight? 知道我们心中的英雄
Ross: Nothing. Nothing nothing nothing. 是什么样的么？
Mrs. Bing: (To phone) Okay, thank you. (To Ross) It's the Italian 封面上露两点的猛男?
Hand-Licker, isn't it. 是你啊
Ross: No. It's the one he's licking. 不，我是说真的
Mrs. Bing: She's supposed to be with you. 你既聪明又性感
Ross: You're good. 是呀
Mrs. Bing: Oh, Ross, listen to me. I have sold a hundred million 你会走出阴霾的，相信我
copies of my books, and y'know why? 我到街上尿就好了
Ross: The girl on the cover with her nipples showing? 钱德勒在吗？
Mrs. Bing: No. Because I know how to write men that women fall in 昨晚的事你没告诉钱德勒吧？
love with. Believe me, I cannot sell a Paolo. People will not 好极了，因为我想不需告诉他
turn three hundred twenty-five pages for a Paolo. C'mon, the 只是个吻，没什么大不了的
guy's a secondary character, a, y'know, complication you 对，没什么大不了的
eventually kill off. 在疯狂世界中才叫没什么
Ross: When? 你违反规定
Mrs. Bing: He's not a hero. ...You know who our hero is. 什么规定?
Ross: The guy on the cover with his nipples showing? 不能亲朋友母亲的规定
Mrs. Bing: No, it's you! 姐妹还可以
Ross: Please. 火辣的姑妈，或许
Mrs. Bing: No, really, c'mon. You're smart, you're sexy... 母亲不行，绝对不行
Ross: Right. 你们在外面干什么?
Mrs. Bing: You are gonna be fine, believe me. 乔伊和我说过
(She kisses him on the cheek) 要早起去打回力球
Ross: Uh-oh... 显然有人睡过头
(...Then full on the mouth) 对，你没带球拍?
(Enter Joey) 不，我的拍子拿去换线了
Joey: Uhhhh.... I'll just pee in the street. 有人应该帮我准备一支拍子
Commercial Break 是吗?你没说握把的尺寸
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the next morning. Joey is getting 你们俩真会浪费时间
the door in his dressing gown—it's Ross.] 好吧，我是个人渣
Ross: Hey, is Chandler here? 罗斯，你怎能让这种事发生?
Joey: Yeah. 我也不知道
(Ross drags Joey into the hall and slams the door) 她不像是一般的妈妈
Ross: Okay, uh, about last night, um, Chandler.. you didn't 她很性感
tell... (Joey shakes his head) Okay, 'cause I'm thinking- we 你认为我妈不性感?
don't need to tell Chandler, I mean, it was just a kiss, right? 不一样的性感
One kiss? No big deal? Right? 我妈当年也是很美丽的
Joey: Right. No big deal. 你认为生7个小孩是件容易的事?
Ross: Okay. 我们愈谈愈离谱了
Joey: In Bizarro World!! You broke the code! 你们在这儿干什么?
Ross: What code? 不是打回力球
Joey: You don't kiss your friend's mom! Sisters are okay, maybe a 他忘了告诉我握把尺寸
hot-lookin' aunt... but not a mom, never a mom! 他没带护目镜
(Chandler opens the door and startles them. He picks up the 看起来好像你们两个
paper) 关系暧昧
Chandler: What are you guys doing out here? 再见,宝贝.
Ross: Uh.. uh.. Well, Joey and I had discussed getting in an 他们在等我做这件事?
early morning racquetball game. But, um, apparently, somebody 你到底要不要告诉他?
overslept. 我不会告诉他的我
Joey: Yeah, well, you don't have your racket. 为何要告诉他?
Ross: No, no I don't, because it's being restrung, somebody was 如果你不说他妈或许会
supposed to bring me one. 你们在这儿干什么?
Joey: Yeah, well you didn't call and leave your grip size. 他没穿护裆
Chandler: Okay, you guys spend waaaay too much time together. 我刚问什么?
(Goes back inside and shuts the door) 你在这儿干什么?
Ross: Okay, I'm scum, I'm scum. 没事，我只是顺路…
Joey: Ross, how could you let this happen? 你来这儿干什么?
Ross: I don't know, God, I... well, it's not like she's a regular 我不是专程来此
mom, y'know? She's, she's sexy, she's... 只是顺路拿这些过来
Joey: You don't think my mom's sexy? 你常自己一个人来?
Ross: Well... not in the same way... 没有
Joey: I'll have you know that Gloria Tribbiani was a handsome 你认为他早上好点没?
woman in her day, alright? You think it's easy giving birth to 我怎会知道?我又没来
seven children? 真的?
Ross: Okay, I think we're getting into a weird area here... 也没替他换睡衣?
(Monica and Rachel's door opens and Rachel and Paolo emerge) 我的天.
Rachel: Hey. 你是我朋友，我得告诉你
Ross: Hey. 我简直不敢相信
Rachel: What're you guys doing out here? 保罗亲了我妈?
Ross: Well, not playing raquetball! 对，我不知道你是否注意到
Joey: He forgot to leave his grip size! 他喝了很多酒
Ross: He didn't get the goggles! 他酒醉的模样你也见识过
Rachel: Well,sounds like you two have issues. 我办不到…
(She and Paolo walk a little way down the hall) 是我
Rachel: Goodbye, baby. 抱歉，是我亲了你妈
Paolo: Ciao, bela. 什么?
(They kiss. Ross is watching them) 瑞秋和保罗的事令我很沮丧
Ross: Do they wait for me to do this? 我想我是喝太多龙舌酒
(Joey and Ross go into Monica and Rachel's apartment) 诺拉，妈太太
Joey: So are you gonna tell him? 你的宾对我很体贴
Ross: Why would I tell him? 没发生什么事
Joey: How about 'cause if you don't, his mother might. 问乔伊
Ross: Oh... 乔伊刚好走进来
Monica: (Entering) What are you guys doing here? 你知道这件事?
Joey: Uhhhh.... he's not even wearing a jockstrap! 知识是很奇怪的
Monica: ...What did I ask? 我整天都和你在一起
[Scene: Hospital. Phoebe is there stroking Coma Guy's hair, when 你为何没告诉我?
Monica enters with a bunch of balloons.] 他们被我逮到算你幸运
Monica: Hi. 不然后果可不堪设想
Phoebe: Hi. 谢了，老兄，大忙一个
Monica: What are you doing here? 我简直无法相信
Phoebe: Nothing, I just thought I'd stop by.. y'know, after the 你到底在想什么?
uh... that I.. y'know, so what are you doing here? 我没有…我不知道
Monica: I'm not really here. Just thought I'd drop these off...on 我和我妈之间的鸟事
the way.. my way... Do you come here a lot? Without me? 朋友中属你最清楚了
Phoebe: No. (Monica brushes Coma Guy's hair in the other 我知道
direction) No! No! ...So, um, do you think he's doing any better 我无法相信你会做这种事
than he was this morning? 钱德勒知道吗?我也一样
Monica: How would I know? I-I wasn't here. 我仍在气
Phoebe: Really? Not even to, um, change his PAJAMAS?! (Whips back 你没告诉我为何气我?
the sheet to reveal him wearing new pajamas.) 钱德勒
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross is talking to Chandler. Joey is 让我用力关门吧
making a snack at the bar.] 钱德勒，我没亲她，亲的人是他
Chandler: Oh my God. 违反规定就是这种下场
Ross: You're my friend. I-I had to tell you. 乔伊
Chandler: I can't believe it. Paolo kissed my mom? 瑞秋
Ross: Yeah, um, I don't know if you noticed, but he had a lot to 嘿
drink, and you know how he gets when he's drun..uh... (He has ”丢脸的女人” 瑞秋 凯瑞 格林
caught sight of Joey scowling at him) I can't do this, I did it, 对，我想尝试一下
it was me, I'm sorry, I kissed your mom. 我仍在写第一章
Chandler: What? 你认为他”粗棉布监牢”中的”爱棒”
Ross: I was really upset about Rachel and Paolo, and I think I 能获得解放吗?
had too much tequila, and Nora- um, Mrs. Mom- your Bing- was just 我想可以吧，我也这么认为
being nice, y'know, and- But nothing happened, nothing- Ask Joey, 另外你拼错词了
Joey, uh, came in- 瑞秋
Chandler: (To Joey) You knew about this? 你今晚要去医院吗?
Joey: Uh... y'know, knowledge is a tricky thing. 没有，你呢?
Chandler: I spent the entire day with you, why didn't you tell 没有，你呢?
me?! 你刚问过了
Joey: Hey, hey, hey, you're lucky I caught them when I did, or 好吧，或许这是个圈套
else who knows what woulda happened. 瑞秋,我们现在能开始了吗?
Ross: Thanks, man, big help. 好
Chandler: (To Ross) I can't believe this! What the hell were you 我好兴奋
thinking? 这是我爸妈在婚礼时照的
Ross: I wasn't- I mean, I- 你告诉我
Chandler: Y'know, of all my friends, no-one knows the crap I go 她不是旷世美人
through with my mom more than you. 没想到我们会谈论这个
Ross: I know- 就试着想像她没挺着大肚子
Chandler: I can't believe you did this. (Walks toward the door) Central Perk很荣幸为各位介绍
Ross: Chandler- 菲比布菲小姐
Joey: Me neither, y'know what- 谢谢
Chandler: I'm still mad at you for not telling me. 这首歌是有关个我刚认识的男生
Joey: What are you mad at me for?! 他已成为我生命中重要的男人
Ross: Chandler- 你无须醒来当我的男人
Chandler: You gotta let me slam the door! (Leaves; slams the 只要你一息尚存
door) 我就会在一旁守候
Joey: (Shouting after him) Chandler, I didn't kiss her, he did! 虽然我们相遇不久
(To Ross) See what happens when you break the code? 我想说...
Ross: Joey- 谢谢各位，我得暂停下
Joey: Ah! (Points to door) Huh? (Leaves and slams the door) 我们感谢菲比布菲小姐.
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there except for Chandler. 她在搞什么东西?
Rachel is writing something and Monica walks up.] 菲比刚…
Monica: Hey. 我是和乔伊讲话，亲我妈妈的人
Rachel: Hey. 亲我妈妈的人
Monica: (Reading) 'A Woman Undone, by Rachel Karen Green'. 我闭嘴
Rachel: Yeah. Thought I'd give it a shot. I'm still on the first 钱德勒，我能说几句话吗?
chapter. Now, do you think his 'love stick can be liberated from 我知道你仍在生我的气
its denim prison'? 我只想说那一夜有两个人
Monica: (Reads) Yeah, I'd say so. And there's no 'j' in 两双嘴唇
'engorged'. 是哦，我预料到她会如此
Phoebe: (Walks up with her guitar) Hey Rach. 她一直都是个佛洛依德梦魇
Rachel: Hey. 如果她都是如此
Phoebe: Hello. 你为何不找她谈谈?
Monica: Hello. 因为太复杂了，这是个情结
Phoebe: Going to the hospital tonight? 你亲了我妈
Monica: No, you? 我们正在排练希腊剧
Phoebe: No, you? 真幽默，排练完没?
Monica: You just asked me. 还没，你不找她谈?
Phoebe: Okay, maybe it was a trick question. (Plays a few chords) 不说出你的感受?
Um, Rachel can we do this now? 我依然不会找她谈
Rachel: Okay. (Writes a little more) I am so hot! 别因为你亲过她
Joey: (To Ross, on the couch) Now, here's a picture of my mother 就自以为了解她
and father on their wedding day. Now you tell me she's not a 相信我，不能找她谈
knockout. 到底是能还是不能?
Ross: I cannot believe we're having this conversation. 我的手指
Joey: C'mon! Just try to picture her not pregnant, that's all. 我的膝盖
Rachel: (Into microphone) Central Perk is proud to present Miss 还在排练
Phoebe Buffay. 你对他怎么了?
Phoebe: Thanks. Hi, um, 'kay. I'd like to start with a song 你醒了
that's about a man that I recently met, who's, um, come to be 你瞧你，感觉如何?
very important to me. (Monica gives her a look) 'Kay. (Sung:) 头有点晕，基本上还行
You don't have to be awake to be my man, 你的气色好极了
As long as you have brainwaves I'll be there to hold your hand. 我感觉好极了
Though we just met the other day, 你们是谁?
There's something I have got to say... 我叫菲比
(She sees Monica sneaking out) Okay, thank you very much, I'm 莫妮卡
gonna take a short break! (Runs out, knocking over the mike 我一直在照顾你
stand) 我们一直在照顾你
Rachel: (Into mike) Okay, that was Phoebe Buffay, everybody. Woo! 蚀刻艺术是你们送的?
(Enter Chandler) 其实只有我一个
Chandler: What was that? 我替你做脚底按摩
Ross: Oh, uh, Phoebe just started a... 知道是谁帮你刮胡子的吗?是我
Chandler: Yeah, I believe I was talking to Joey, alright there, 我念书给你听
Mother-Kisser? (Goes to the counter) 我唱歌给你听
Joey: (Laughing) Mother-Kisser... (Sees Ross's look) I'll shut 谢了
up. 我的荣幸
Ross: Chandler, can I just say something? I-I know you're still 再见了
mad at me, I just wanna say that there were two people there that 什么?就这样?
night. Okay? Two sets of lips. 再见?
Chandler: Yes, well, I expect this from her. Okay? She's always 不然要我说什么?
been a Freudian nightmare. 我不知道
Ross: Okay, well, if she always behaves like this, why don't you 或许该说你们真好
say something? 我很感激
Chandler: Because it's complicated, it's complex- Hey, you kissed 我会打电话给你们的
my mom! 好吧，我会打的
(People turn to look) 一点诚意都没有
Ross: (To the rest of Central Perk) We're rehearsing a Greek 男生都这样
play. 我们不断付出
Chandler: That's very funny. We done now? 没有任何回报
Ross: No! Okay, you mean, you're not gonna talk to her, you're 有一天他醒来却只说再见
not gonna tell her how you feel? 走吧菲比
Chandler: That would be no. Look, just because you played tonsil 知道吗?我们以为你与众不同
tennis with my mom doesn't mean you know her. Alright? Trust me, 我想这只是昏迷的缘故
you can't talk to her. 楼下的车已发动
Ross: Okay, 'you' can't, or (Points to Chandler) you can't? 我只想拿几本我的书给你朋友
(Chandler grabs his finger) Okay, that's my finger. (Chandler 需要我在里斯本帮你买什么吗?
twists it and Ross goes down on one knee) That's, that's my knee. 不需要，知道你要去就够了
(To Central Perk) Still doing the play. Aaah! 好吧，要乖哦，我爱你
[Scene: The Coma Guy's Room, Monica bursts in, closely followed 你亲了我最好的罗斯
by Phoebe. There is no sign of Coma Guy. His bed is empty.] 好像说错了，反正差不多
Phoebe: Alright, whadyou do with him? 好吧，我做了蠢事
(There is the sound of a flushing toilet and Coma Guy emerges 愚蠢至极愚蠢至极
from the bathroom) 我也不知道是怎么发生的
Monica: Oh! You're awake! 抱歉，孩子
Phoebe: Look at you! How, how do you feel? 我保证不会再发生这种事
Coma Guy: Uh, a little woozy, but basically okay. 你没事了吧?
Monica: You look good! 是的
Coma Guy: I feel good! ...Who are you? 不
Monica: Oh, sorry. 男人与门之间禁忌的爱
Phoebe: I'm Phoebe Buffay. 他说了，他在责备她
Monica: I'm Monica Geller. I've been taking care of you. 不只是亲吻的事
Phoebe: Well, we both have. 一切都说出来了
Coma Guy: So, the Etch-a-Sketch is from you guys? 你在开玩笑吧?不是
Phoebe: Well, actually it's just from me. 他说你何时才能成熟
Monica: I got you the foot massager. 开始当个妈?
Phoebe: You know who shaved you? That was me. 等等，她回答说
Monica: I read to you. 你何时才能长大了解
Phoebe: I sang. (To Monica) Hah! 我是个性感女郎?
Coma Guy: Well,... thanks. 等等，你确定她不是说
Monica: Oh, my pleasure. 你何时才能长大了解
Phoebe: You're welcome. 我是你妈?
Coma Guy: So. I guess I'll see you around. 这样比较合理
Phoebe: What, that's it? 你也这样认为?
Monica: "See you around?" 现在情况为何?
Coma Guy: Well, what do you want me to say? 我不知道
Monica: Oh, I don't know. Maybe, um, "That was nice?" Admit 我一直在这儿说给你听
something to me? "I'll call you?" 我什么都听不到，等等…
Coma Guy: Alright, I'll call you. 你看见什么?
Phoebe: I don't think you mean that. 很难说，他们好小而且上下颠倒
Monica: This is so typical. Y'know, we give, and we give, and we 他们走过来,他们走过去
give. And then- we just get nothing back! And then one day, 不，他们没有
y'know, it's just, you wake up, and "See you around!" Let's go, 他们走过来了，快逃
Phoebe. 你还好吧，孩子?
Phoebe: Y'know what? We thought you were different. But I guess 还好
it was just the coma. 希望都好
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's Chandler is talking with his mom.] 注意安全
Mrs. Bing: Car's waiting downstairs, I just wanted to drop off 你好,宾太太
these copies of my book for your friends. Anything you want from 你好,罗斯先生.
Lisbon? 你当真?
Chandler: No, just knowing you're gonna be there is enough. 对，有何不可?
Mrs. Bing: Alright, well, be good, I love you. (Kisses him and 我告诉她了
goes to leave) 怎样？
Chandler: You kissed my best Ross! ...Or something to that 简直是可笑到了极点
effect. 感觉怎样
Mrs. Bing: (Reentering) O-kay. Look, it, it was stupid. 不错
Chandler: Really stupid. 我告诉她了
Mrs. Bing: Really stupid. And I don't even know how it happened. 瞧，或许我亲你妈不是个馊主意…
I'm sorry, honey, I promise it will never happen again. Are we 我们继续往下说了
okay now? 这只是第一章
Chandler: Yeah. No. No... 我要大家坦白的意见
[Cut to the hallway, Joey is listening to Chandler and his mom's 在第二页中
conversation through the door as Ross walks up.] 他的手没伸向她那灰尖挺的双峰
Ross: Ah, the forbidden love of a man and his door. 什么是”如头”?
Joey: Shh. He did it. He told her off, and not just about the 通常在双峰上可以找到
kiss, about everything. 好吧…算我不会打字
Ross: You're kidding. 直到你伸人他那颤动的”笔”
Joey: No, no. He said "When are you gonna grow up and start being 他用那支笔时你不会想在场的
a mom?" 够了，还我…
Ross: Wow!
Joey: Then she came back with "The question is, when are you
gonna grow up and realise I have a bomb?"
Ross: 'Kay, wait a minute, are you sure she didn't say "When are
you gonna grow up and realise I am your mom?"
Joey: That makes more sense.
Ross: So, what's going on now?
Joey: I dunno, I've been standing here spelling it out for you!
(Goes back to the door) I don't hear anything. Oh, wait, wait,
wait. (Looks through the spyhole)
Ross: Whaddya see?
Joey: Hard to tell, they're so tiny and upside-down. Wait, wait.
They're walking away... they're walking away... No, no they're
not, they're coming right at us! Run! Run!
(Joey runs off down the hall. Ross tries Monica and Rachel's
apartment, but it is locked so he has to stand in the hall and
pretend he wasn't listening. Chandler and his mom come out)
Mrs. Bing: You okay, kiddo?
Chandler: Yeah, okay.
Mrs. Bing: Alright. (Kisses him)
Chandler: Nice save.
(She walks down the hall)
Ross: (Very politely) Mrs. Bing.
Mrs. Bing: Mr. Geller.
(She leaves)
(Ross knocks on Monica and Rachel's door)
Chandler: Hey.
Ross: You mean that?
Chandler: Yeah, why not. (They shake hands) So I told her.
Ross: Yeah? How'd it go?
Chandler: Awful. Awful. Couldn'ta gone worse.
Ross: Well, howdya feel?
Chandler: Pretty good! I told her.
Ross: Well, see? So, maybe it wasn't such a bad idea, y'know, me
kissing your mom, uh? Huh? (Wags his finger at Chandler, then
puts it down) But.. we don't have to go down that road.
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is handing out copies of her
book to the gang.]
Rachel: Okay. Now this is just the first chapter, and I want your
absolute honest opinion. Oh, oh, and on page two, he's not
'reaching for her heaving beasts'.
Monica: What's a 'niffle'?
Joey: You usually find them on the 'heaving beasts'.
Rachel: Alright, alright, so I'm not a great typist...
Ross: Wait, did you get to the part about his 'huge throbbing
pens'? Tell ya, you don't wanna be around when he starts writing
with those!
Rachel: Alright, that's it! Give it back! That's it!
All: Nooo!
End

112 The One With the Dozen Lasagnes

112 The One With the Dozen Lasagnes 112 十二碗面条

[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there. Ross working on

crossword puzzle, starts humming theme from The Odd Couple. 不-不-不-不,够了.
Chandler joins in, followed by Monica and Phoebe, then the whole Syl婶婶,别喊了!如果你告诉过我
gang. Ross starts humming theme from I Dream Of Jeannie.] 你要素面条,我就会给你做素的了.
Chandler: No-no-no-no, we're done. 好吧,肉都在第三层,
Opening Credits 也许你能把它们刮下来.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is on the phone in the 罗斯,你真的把所有婴儿书都读了?
kitchen.] 恩!你可以把我塞到子宫里的
Monica: Aunt Syl, stop yelling! All I'm saying is that if you had 任何地方,用不着指南针,
told me vegetarian lasagna, I would have made vegetarian lasagna. 我都能从里面爬出来,就像~~!
(pauses, listens to person on phone) Well, the meat's only every 噢,太棒了...书上说在有些地方,
third layer, maybe you could scrape. 人们真的吃胎盘.
(Camera moves to Chandler, Phoebe, Ross, and Joey sitting in 呃..这酸奶算是吃不下去了.
living room) 对不起.
Joey: Ross, did you really read all these baby books? Syl婶婶,我是为了帮你,
Ross: Yup! You could plunk me down in the middle of any woman's 我可不是承包宴席的.
uterus, no compass, and I can find my way out of there like that! 那你让我拿这一打面怎么办?
(snaps fingers) 说话真好听,Syl婶婶.
Phoebe: Ooh, this is cool...it says in some parts of the world, 你用这张嘴亲Freddie叔叔吗?
people actually eat the placenta. (Joey grimaces) 嘿, 罗斯,你知道么,现在你的宝贝就这
Chandler: And, we're done with the yogurt. (Sets yogurt down on 么大?
table) 这是你孩子. 嘿, 爸爸!
Phoebe: (softly) Sorry. (Camera pans back to Monica, still on 嘿!
phone) 为什么你不和妈咪一起住?
Monica: Aunt Syl, I did this as a favor, I am not a caterer. What 为什么妈咪和另一个女人一起住?
do you want me to do with a dozen lasagnas? (listens to Aunt Syl 什么是女同性恋?
on phone, looks shocked) Nice talk, Aunt Syl. (in New York 亲爱的,你能说的,泊科农斯,泊科农斯,
accent) You kiss Uncle Freddie with that mouth? 就像 泊科-阿-农斯 (Poc-o-nos)
(Camera pans back to group in living room) 啊, 戳一下鼻子(poke a nose), 嗯...
Joey: Hey Ross, listen, you know that right now, your baby's only 么, 么, 么呵
this big? (measures about 2 inches with his thumb and index 那么,我听见泊科农斯了吗?
finger) This is your baby. (in baby-like voice) Hi Daddy! 是的,我妹妹让我们去她那渡周末.
Ross: (waves) Hello! 第一次周末结伴出游!
Joey: (in baby-like voice) How come you don't live with Mommy? 是啊,进展了一大步.
(pause; shows Ross less than amused) How come Mommy lives with 我知道...
that other lady? (pause; Ross still looks less than amused; Joey 啊, 就是个周末, 没什么!
smiling) What's a lesbian? (playfully hits Ross) 不是说只是玩玩,不当真的吗,嗯?
(Rachel enters with Paolo, speaking Italian. Ross looks annoyed) 这...该玩完了吧,现在?
Rachel: Honey, you can say it, Poconos, Poconos, it's like Poc-o- 我想,我们已远远超出玩的范围了,
nos (touching Paolo's nose with forefinger with each syllable) 我现在的感觉只有在
Paolo: Ah, poke (Paolo touches Rachel's nose) a (touches nose Danielle Steele的书里才找得到.
again) nose, mmm (they rub noses, then kisses her) 我是说,当我和他在一起的时候,
Joey, Chandler, and Ross: (sitting in living room, imitating 我完全,完全地...
Paolo) Mma, Mma, Mmaah ...恶心,我本能的恶心.
(Camera pans to Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe in the kitchen) 我该怎么办? 打电话给移民局?
Monica: So, did I hear Poconos? 我可以打电话给移民局!
Rachel: Yes, my sister's giving us her place for the weekend. 我喜欢孩子, 他们的小鞋,
Phoebe: Woo-hoo, first weekend away together! 小脚指头, 小手...
Monica: Yeah, that's a big step. 好了, 你别再这样了, 永远不要!
Rachel: I know... 需要新桌子了.
(Camera pans to Ross, looking dejected) 你这么想?
Chandler: (to Ross) Ah, it's just a weekend, big deal! 嘿, 进来吧!
Ross: Wasn't this supposed to be just a fling, huh? Shouldn't it 嘿!
be...(makes flinging motions with hands) flung by now? 我把书都拿回来了,
(Camera pans back to Rachel) 莫妮卡送你这些面条.
Rachel: I mean, we are way past the fling thing, I mean, I am 太好了! 是素的吗,苏珊不吃肉.
feeling things that I've only read about in Danielle Steele 我肯定是素的...
books, you know? I mean, when I'm with him, I'm totally, 我拿到超声波结果了.
totally... 哦,告诉我,告诉我,怎么样....?
(Camera pans to Ross, holding his stomach) 完全彻底的健康!
Ross: ...nauseous, I'm physically nauseous. What am I supposed to 哦, 太棒了, 太棒了!
do, huh? Call immigration? (pauses, looks suddenly inspired) I 嗨,你和苏珊什么时候认识的Huey Lewi
could call immigration! s?
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Joey leaving girls' apartment, 啊,那是我们的朋友Tanya.
carrying lasagna.] 原来是你们的朋友Tanya.
Joey: I love babies, with their little baby shoes, and their 你不想知道性别（性）吗?
little baby toes, and their little baby hands... 性? 嗯,光想你和苏珊一起的样子我就够
Chandler: Ok, you're going to have to stop that, forever! 不舒服的,
(Joey opens door, throws keys on kitchen table, table falls over) 你要再把Tanya加进来, 呃...
Joey: Need a new table. 我是说孩子的性别, 罗斯.
Chandler: You think? 噢, 你知道了? 噢...
[Scene: Carol and Susan's, there's a knock on the door and Carol 你想知道吗?
answers it to Ross.] 不, 不, 我不想,绝对不想.
Carol: Hey hey, come on in! 我不想现在知道,我认为应该等到那时再
(Ross enters, carrying lasagna) 低头瞧一瞧,
Ross: Hey, hello! mmwa! (kisses Carol) I brought all the books, 然后说, 嘿, 带那个的...
and Monica sends her love, along with this lasagna. 或不带的...
Carol: Oh great! Is it vegetarian, 'cause Susan doesn't eat meat. 你好, 罗斯!
Ross: (pauses) I'm pretty sure that it is... 苏珊
Carol: So, I got the results of the amnio today. 那么...你结果怎样?
Ross: (making flinging gestures with hands) Oh, tell me, tell me, 对, 我们知道了,一切正常!
is everything, uhh....? 噢, 那真的是太好了...
Carol: Totally and completely healthy! 知道"那个"了么?
Ross: Oh, that's great, that is great! (Hugs and kisses Carol. 是的, 当然知道了, 它是个...
Then picks up a picture frame) 嘿, 嘿, 这有人不想知道,我就站在这
Ross: Hey, when did you and Susan meet Huey Lewis? 呢!
Carol: Uh, that's our friend Tanya. 嗯, 那么,是我们希望的...么?
Ross: (surprised, chuckling nervously) Of course it's your friend 嗯
Tanya. (looks up frightenedly) 什么, 什么...你们希望是男是女?
Carol: Don't you want to know about the sex? 是...
Ross: (chuckles nervously) The sex? (chuckles) Um, I'm having 不, 不, 我不想知道,不想. 好吧,
enough trouble with the image of you and Susan together, when you 我还是...先回去了.
throw in Tanya (miming washing hair, that's the best I could 好的, 谢谢你的书.
think of), yaw... 没问题, 嗯
Carol: The sex of the baby, Ross. 哦, 嗯
Ross: Oh, you know the sex of the baby? Oh, oh-oh-oh! 苏珊...
Carol: Do you want to know? 好吧,我们该先告诉谁,
Ross: No, no, no, no, no, I don't want to know, absolutely not. I 你家人,还是Deb和Rona?
think, you know, I think you should know until you look down 喂?
there, and say, oop, there it is! (pauses) Or isn't... 嗯,没事, 我不想知道.
(Susan enters) 那么就因为这是我的桌子,就得让我买新
Susan: Oh, hello Ross! 的?
Ross: Susan... 对, 这是规矩
Susan: So, so, did you hear? 什么规矩?没有什么规矩,
Ross: Yes, we did, everything's A-OK! 如果有的话,规矩就是你欠我个桌子!
Susan: Oh, that's so... (Susan hugs Carol, they giggle, Ross 你从哪得的这个结论?
steps away) It really is...do we know...? 这个桌子一直很结实直到你开始
Carol: Yes, we certainly do, it's going to be... 在早餐时蹂躏Angela Delvecchio（黄油
Ross: (flailing arms in protest) Oh, hey hey hey, ho ho ho, 的牌子）.
hello, guy who doesn't want to know, standing right here! 你知道这事?
Susan: Oh, well, is it what we thought it would be? 这么说吧,看到那罐黄油的惨相,
Carol: Mm-hmmm (Susan and Carol hug, giggling. Ross stands back, 根本连想象都省了.
reaches out and lightly taps Susan's shoulder) 好吧, 那我们合伙买怎么样?
Ross: Ok, what, what...ok, what did we think it was going to be? 你什么意思, 一起买?
Carol and Susan: It's a... 是呀
Ross: (interrupts) No, no, no I don't want to know, don't want to 你认为我们的关系进展到这个的程度了
know. Ok, you know, I should probably, I should probably just go. 么?
Carol: Well, thanks for the books. 为什么不?
Ross: No problem, ok, mmmwa (kisses Carol) oh, mmmwa (kisses 这可是个很大的承诺,
Carol's stomach, then punches Susan's shoulder) Susan... (Ross 我意思是, 要是有人想搬出去呢?
leaves.) 为什么, 你要搬吗?
Susan: All right, who should we call first, your folks, or Deb 我不搬呐.
and Rona? (intercom buzzer rings) 你要是搬的话得告诉我好吗
Carol: Hello? 好, 好, 只是我上个室友Kip...
Ross: (on intercom) Uh, never mind, I don't want to know. (Carol 噢, 我知道Kip所有的事!
and Susan laugh) 我们一起买了个日式古桌,后来
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler use their knees 他要结婚走人,结果事情搞得很糟.
as a table to support the lasagna.] 好吧,我问你个问题,
Chandler: Ok, so it's just because it was my table, I have to buy 作为室友Kip比我好吗?
a new one? 噢,别这么问
Joey: That's the rule. 你的日程有些变化.
Chandler: What rule? There's no rule, if anything, you owe me a 你4:00的香蕈按摩推迟到4:30
table! 还有Somerfield太太取消了5:30的日式
Joey: How'd you get to that? 指压.
Chandler: Well, I believe the piece of furniture was fine until 好, 谢谢
your little breakfast adventure with Angela Delvecchio 哦, 你3:00的顾客来了.
Joey: You knew about that? 我不想表现的不专业,但是,很迷人哦..
Chandler: Well, let's just say the impressions you made in the Buon Giorno, Bella Phoebe!(意大利
butter left little to the imagination. 语)
Joey: Ok, ok, How about if we split it? 哦, Paolo, 你好, 有何贵干?
Chandler: What do you mean, like, buy it together? 嗯, Racquela告诉我你按摩, 是么?
Joey: Yeah Racquela's说得对...
Chandler: You think we're ready for something like that? 噢...我不知道你刚才说什么,
Joey: Why not? 我们开始吧.
Chandler: Well, it's a pretty big commitment, I mean, what if one 嗯, 需要我裸体么?
of us wants to move out? 嗯,这就是个人喜好了, 我是说,有的人
Joey: Why, are you moving out? 喜欢脱...噢! 你光着身子!
Chandler: I'm not moving out. 我不能相信你不想知道. 我意思是,
Joey: You'd tell me if you were moving out right 我可不能不知道,如果, 如果医生知道,
Chandler: Yeah, yeah, it's just that with my last roommate Kip... 卡罗尔知道,还有苏珊知道的话....
Joey: Aw, I know all about Kip! 还有莫妮卡知道...
Chandler: It's just that we bought a hibachi together, and then 你怎么知道的, 我都不知道!
he ran off and got married, and things got pretty ugly. 卡罗尔因为面条打电话道谢,
Joey: Well, let me ask you something, was Kip a better roommate 我问他,她就告诉我了.
than me? 那么孩子是?
Chandler: Aw, don't do that 嘿, 哈, 太好了, 现在他都知道了,
[Scene: Phoebe's Massage Parlor, Phoebe's assistant is telling 我却不知道!
her about the changes to her schedule.] 对不起, 我当了姑姑我太兴奋了!
Phoebe's Assistant: We've got a couple changes in your schedule. 也可能是叔叔...
Your 4:00 herbal massage has been pushed back to 4:30 and Miss 嘿, 菲比
Somerfield canceled her 5:30 shiatsu. 嘿, 菲比
Phoebe: Ok, thanks. (assistant leaves, then walks back in) 很好!
Phoebe's Assistant: Oh, here comes your 3:00. I don't mean to 菲比,怎么了?
sound unprofessional, but, yum (walks out, Paolo enters) 没什么, 对不起, 我就是, 我不舒服.
Paolo: Buon Giorno, Bella Phoebe! 嘿, 能给我们上些咖啡么?
Phoebe: Oh, Paolo, hi, what are you doing here? 哦, 对, 是叫我!
Paolo: Uh, Racquela tell me you massage, eh? 嘿, 钱德, 那个卖桌子的地方
Phoebe: Well, Racquela's right, yeah! 7点就关了, 走吧.
(Paolo speaks Italian) 好吧.
Phoebe: Oh, okay, I don't know what you just said, so let's get 菲比, 怎么了?
started. 好吧, 你知道Paolo?
Paolo: Uh, I am, uh, being naked? 我了解他那点把戏的, 是的...
Phoebe: Um, that's really your decision, I mean, some people 他调戏我.
prefer, you know, to take off...oh whoops! You're being naked! 别急, 商店明天还会开!
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Phoebe is there.] 请再来点咖啡!
Rachel: (to Ross) I can't believe you don't want to know. I mean, 怎么回事?
I couldn't not know, I mean, if, if the doctor knows, and Carol 他来按摩, 本来挺好的直到...
knows, and Susan knows.... 噢...天那...
Monica: And Monica knows... 你确定?
Ross: Wha, heh, how could you know, I don't even know! 是的, 我确定.
Monica: Carol called me to thank me for the lasagna, I asked, she 然后突然间他的手就不算什么问题了.
told me. 他那儿...?
Joey: So what's it gonna be? (Monica whispers in Joey's ear. Ross 童子军都能在那扎营了.
gets up and waves arms frantically in protest) 哦...
Ross: Wait—oh—hey—huh, oh great now he knows, and I don't 哦 什么?
know! Uma Thurman.
Monica: I'm sorry, I'm just excited about being an aunt! 那个女演员!
Joey: Or an uncle... 谢了, 瑞秋.
(Phoebe enters) 那么你打算怎么办?
Joey and Chandler: Hey Phoebe! 你必须告诉她! 你必须告诉她!
Ross: Hi Pheebs! 这是道德上的义务,作为朋友,同是女人,
Rachel: Pheebs! 我认为这涉及到女权问题! 伙计们?
Phoebe: Fine! 哦, 对, 你必须告诉她.
Monica: Phoebe, what's the matter? 女权问题. 这是我的观点!
Phoebe: Nothing, I'm sorry, I'm just, I'm out of sorts. 她会恨我的.
Customer: Hey, can we get some cappuccino over here? 是的, 没错.
Rachel: Oh, right, that's me! 你挑一个, 挑一个! 那个怎么样?
Joey: Hey, Chandler, that table place closes at 7, come on. 那是放在院子里用的!
Chandler: Fine. (Joey and Chandler walk towards the door) 那有什么,难道人们进屋后会想,
Monica: Phoebe, what is it? 哦,我又出去了?
Phoebe: All right, you know Paolo? 那鸟桌怎么样?
Ross: I'm familiar with his work, yes... 不知道,鸟桌不会对你说,
Phoebe: Well, he made a move on me. 你好, 坐这, 吃点什么.
(Joey and Chandler come back) 那你选吧.
Joey: Whoa, store will be open tomorrow! 好吧, 那瓢虫桌怎么样?
Chandler: More coffee over here, please! 哦, 且不说鸟,
Commercial Break 一只红色的昆虫就能够给人进食的感觉
[Scene: Central Perk, continued from earlier.] 了?
Monica: Well, what happened? 好, 你想要鸟, 就要鸟吧!
Phoebe: Well, he came in for a massage, and everything was fine 不是这样, 我不要!
until. (A flashback starts Paolo, lying on massage table, moving Kip会喜欢鸟桌的!
his hands up Phoebe's legs.) 嘿!
[Cut back to Central Perk.] 嘿, 菲比!
Joey and Chandler: Ooooohh! 你要搬出去吗?
Ross: My God. 不,这不全是我的行李. 这个是Paolo的.
Monica: Are you sure? 瑞秋,我们能谈一会吗?
(The flashback resumes with Paolo grabbing her butt.) 当然可以...就一会,
[Cut back to Central Perk.] 因为,Paolo正过来呢.
Phoebe: Oh yeah, I'm sure. (Flashback resumes with Phoebe doing a 哦. 好的. 嗯...嗯...
voiceover.) And all of a sudden his hands weren't the problem 哦, 菲比
anymore. (Flashback continues: Paolo rolls over, Phoebe looks 好的, 嗯, 我们认识还不长,
down, then quickly looks up, bites lip, shakes her head) 嗯, 我有三件事你应该知道.
Monica: Was it...? 一,朋友是我生命中最重要的
Phoebe: Oh, boy scouts could have camped under there. 二,我从不说谎
Guys: Oooooo.... 三, 我做的提子燕麦饼干是最好的
(Rachel runs over) 好的, 谢谢
Rachel: "Ooo," what? 哦, 太好吃了,
Phoebe: Uma Thurman. 为什么我从来没吃过这些?!
Monica: Oh! 哦, 我不怎么做因为我想
Ross: The actress! 这对别的饼干来说不太公平
(all talking indistinctly, high-fiving) 好吧, 你是对的,
Ross: Thanks Rach. 这是我吃过的最好提子燕麦饼干.
(Rachel walks away) 这也证明了我不说谎.
Chandler: So what are you gonna do? 我想是的.
Ross: You have to tell her! You have to tell her! It's your moral Paolo调戏我了.
obligation, as a friend, as a woman, I think it's a feminist 那么, 你们看怎么样?
issue! Guys? Guys? (waiting for guys to chime in) 我想这是我见过的最漂亮的桌子.
Chandler: Oh, yeah, you have to tell her. 我知道!
Joey: Feminist issue. That's where I went! 那么它怎么用呢,
Phoebe: She is gonna hate me. 你得把盘子平衡在这些小人头上吗?
Ross:(sympathetic yet...) Yeah, well... 管他呢, 我们在水槽边吃饭!
[Scene: The Table Store, Joey and Chandler and looking for their 来吧, 我们开玩!
new table.] 闪开你的小人罗斯!
Joey: Will you pick one, just pick one! Here, how about that one? 得分! 你们真臭!
(points to a table) 你没事吧?
Chandler: That's patio furniture! 我需要牛奶.
Joey: So what, like people are gonna come in and think, "Uh-oh, 好的, 我准备了牛奶
I'm outside again?" Of course! 给你杯子...
Chandler: (gesturing towards another table) What about the birds? 好点了么?
Joey: I don't know, birds just don't say, "Hello, sit here, eat 没有...
something." 哦, 我真太蠢了!
Chandler: You pick one. 哦, 我回想起来那天我还是
Joey: All right, how about the ladybugs? 哦, Paolo,他真好, 他让我觉得真...
Chandler: Oh, so, forget about the birds, but big red insects 天哪, 我真为自己难为情!
suggest fine dining! 我才难为情, 我是他调戏的那个!
Joey: Fine, you want to get the birds, get the birds! 菲比, 如果我没遇见他
Chandler: Not like that, I won't! (pauses) Kip would have liked 事情就不会发生!
the birds! (Joey turns and gives Chandler a dirty look) 真对不起! 不我对不起你!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel folding and packing clothes 不, 等等, 我们为什么要互相道歉?
in suitcases as Phoebe enters.] 不知道...对, 他才是猪!
Phoebe: Hey! 真是猪!
Rachel: Hi Pheebs! 哦, 我的天, 他真是头猪, /对, 他就像
Phoebe: Are you moving out? 一个...
Rachel: No, these aren't all my suitcases. (picks up small blue 他像个猪, 一个恶心的...猪...猪人!
suitcase and shows to Phoebe) This one's Paolo's. 对, 骂的好
Phoebe: Um, um, Rachel can we talk for a sec? 噢, 但他是我的猪人...
Rachel: Well, sure...just a sec, though, 'cause Paolo's on his 为什么我看不出来?
way over. 我知道!
Phoebe: Oh! (sits down) Ok, um, ok, um, 是因为... 他太帅了,
Rachel: Oh, Pheebs, Pheebs... 他太迷人,当他看你的时候...
Phoebe: Ok, um, (clears throat) we haven't known each other for 别说了, 菲比
that long a time, and, um, there are three things that you should 不说了.
know about me. One, my friends are the most important thing in my 噢, 天哪...
life, two, I never lie, and three, I make the best oatmeal raisin 我应该瞒着你吗?
cookies in the world. (Phoebe opens a tin and offers Rachel a 不,不,相信我, 让我知道是对的.
cookie) 呃, 我只是把事情想的太好了...
Rachel: (taking cookie) Ok, thanks Pheebs (takes bite of cookie, 我想她的情绪还算好.
overwhelmed) Oh my God, why have I never tasted these before?! Paolo现在就在那边, 所以...
Phoebe: Oh, I don't make them a lot because I don't think it's 我们应该过去,看看她有没有事.
fair to the other cookies 一会...就好, 得分! 赢了! 走吧.
Rachel: All right, well, you're right, these are the best oatmeal 嗯, 看起来,
cookies I've ever had. 呃,我们打得你们屁滚尿流.
Phoebe: Which proves that I never lie. 不, 不, 她打得我们屁滚尿流.
Rachel: I guess you don't. 你可以参加奥林匹克的"站一边看"之队.
Phoebe: Paolo made a pass at me. 得了吧, 二对一.
(Rachel looks stunned) 你还在这干什么? 她刚和
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross, Chandler, Joey, and Monica 那男的分手,该你趁虚而入啦!
admiring their new table.] 什么, 现在?
Chandler: So, what do you think? 是的, 现在正是时候!
Ross: I think It's the most beautiful table I've ever seen. 你得确保Paolo走出屋子后,
Chandler: I know! 你是瑞秋见到的第一个男人,
(The camera pans back to reveal Joey and Chandler's new foosball 得让她知道你是那么好, 而他一无是处!
table.) 你就像, 像反-Paolo!(罗马教皇)
Monica: So how does this work, you going to balance the plates on 我这天主教朋友说的对.
these little guys' heads? 她现在很烦恼.
Joey: Who cares, we'll eat at the sink! Come on, let's play! 你就在那陪伴她.
Monica: Heads up Ross! (Monica scores on Chandler and Joey) 你帮她承担所有烦恼,
Score! (points at Chandler) You suck! 然后你就走向了: 罗斯时代!
(Chandler looks at Joey in amazement) 不, 太残忍了, 太残忍了, 这...
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is recovering from the 怎么样了?
shock.] 别盯那看.
Phoebe: Are you okay? 现在她刚把他的衣服从阳台上
Rachel: I need some milk. 扔下去,现在是他们比比画画的,
Phoebe: Ok, I've got milk (takes thermos from her bag and starts 嗯, 这个动作可能表示, "你怎么能?"
to pour a cup) Here you go... (Rachel drinks straight from 也可能表示, "好大的胸脯!"
thermos) Oh!(Rachel finishes thermos) Better? 他过来了!
Rachel: No...oh, I feel so stupid! Oh, I think about the other 嗯, 我, 我过来...说声再见.
day with you guys and I was all "Oh, Paolo, he's so great, he 噢, 行了, 走吧.
makes me feel so..." Oh, God, I'm so embarrassed! Paolo, 我非常憎恨你对瑞秋做的事,
Phoebe: I'm so embarrassed, I'm the one he hit on! 但我还有五个没处理掉,
(Phoebe's and Rachel's lines overlap) 在烤箱里烤到奶酪冒泡就行了.
Rachel: Pheebs, if I had never met him this never would have Grazie. (意大利语)
happened! Paolo, 我只想告诉你我要代大家说
Rachel and Phoebe: I'm so sorry! No I'm sorry! No I'm sorry! No 当我说...
I'm sorry! 噢, 看她多伤心...
Phoebe: No, wait, oh, what are we sorry about? 伙计们, 我认为最好我们中的一个过去,
Rachel: I don't know...right, he's the pig! 这样她就不会被压垮...
Phoebe: Such a pig! 你说的对.
Rachel: Oh, God, he's such a pig, ...而且那个人应该是我.
Phoebe: Oh he's like a... 嘿! / 嘿...
Rachel: He's like a big disgusting... 你没事吧?
Phoebe: ...like a... 噢, 我好点了...
Rachel: ...pig...pig man! 过来.
Phoebe: Yes, good! Ok... 听着, 他远远配不上你...
Rachel: (voice wavers) Oh, but he was my pig man...how did I not 我意思是, 你,你应该找一个能
see this? 明白拥有你是多么幸福的人.
Phoebe: (raises hand) Oh! I know! (Rachel startled) It's 哦, 罗斯...
because... he's gorgeous, and he's charming, and when he looks at 什么?
you... 我讨厌死男人了.我都不想看见男的,
Rachel: Ok, Ok, Pheebs... 我也不想考虑别的男人,
Phoebe: The end. 我甚至不想听男人说话.
Rachel: Oh, God... 哈...
Phoebe: Should I not have told you? 哦, 罗斯, 你真好.
Rachel: No, no, trust, me, it's, it's, it's much better that I 嘿, 亲爱的, 你还好吧?
know. Uh, I just liked it better before it was better... 你没事?
(Phoebe scoots her chair over to Rachel and hugs her) ...一般吧...嗯...还有饼干吗?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe is telling everyone how it 有!
went across the hall as the foosball game continues.] 瑞秋,我认为你不应该把所有男人拒之门
Phoebe: I think she took it pretty well. You know Paolo's over 外.
there right now, so... 我不这么想. 我认为你只不过需要建立
Monica: We should get over there and see if she's okay. 一个成熟的筛选程序.
(switching places with Ross) Just one...second! Score! (Monica 不. 我只想先单身一阵,你知道吗?
scores, high-fives with Ross) Game! Come on. (Monica and Phoebe 我得先弄明白我想要什么样的
leave) 不, 不, 你看,
Ross: (wiping his brow) Ah...ooh! Well, looks like, uh, we kicked 因为不是所有人都会像Paolo那样.
your butts. 不, 我知道, 我知道, 而且我肯定
Joey: No-no, she kicked our butts. You could be on the Olympic 你的小儿子不会长成他那样.
standing-there team. 什么? / 什么?
Ross: Come on, two on one. 我...我...我有了个儿子?
Chandler: What are you still doing here? She just broke up with 不, 不, 不, 事实上, 不是儿子.
the guy, it's time for you to swoop in! 我有, 我有了儿子!
Ross: What, now? 嗯? 我是有了儿子吗?
Joey: Yes, now is when you swoop! You gotta make sure that when 是, 你有儿子了!
Paolo walks out of there, the first guy Rachel sees is you, She's 我有儿子了! 哦, 我有儿子了!
gotta know that you're everything he's not! You're like, like the 什么 / 怎么了?
anti-Paolo! 我有儿子了! 我...我有儿子了!
Chandler: My Catholic friend is right. She's distraught. You're 嘿! / 嘿!
there for her. You pick up the pieces, and then you usher in the 我们已经知道了!
age of Ross! (Ross and Chandler look off into the distance. Joey, 我有儿子了. 嗯...
wondering what they are looking at, looks in the same direction) 看! 我又赢了一局!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, Rachel is throwing Paolo's 闭嘴吧!!
clothes over the side.] 你们去哪? 来呀, 再来一局!
Paolo: No, that's cold, that's cold, that's... 嘿, 现在已经凌晨2:30了!
[Cut to inside the apartment.] 对, 出去!
Ross: (entering) How's it going? 你们可老是到我那屋去泡着!
Monica: Don't stare. Now she just finished throwing his clothes 来吧, 我就用左手? 来吧, 软蛋!
off the balcony, now there's just a lot of gesturing and arm- 好吧, 我得走了.
waving, (shows Rachel gesturing with hands in front of her 我走了, 我已经走了.
chest), Ok, that is either, "How could you?" or, "Enormous 再来一局?
breasts!" Here he comes! 当然!
Phoebe: Ooh!
(Paolo enters. Ross, Phoebe, and Monica scatter)
Paolo: Uh, I am, uh, to say good-bye.
Phoebe: Oh, ok bye-bye.
Monica: Paolo, I really hate you for what you did to Rachel,
(hands him a lasagna) but I still have five of these, so heat it
at 375 until the cheese bubbles.
Paolo: Grazie.
Ross: Paolo, I-I just want to tell you and I think I speak for
everyone when I say... (shuts door in his face and walks away)
Phoebe: Oh, just look at her... (girls move toward Rachel on the
balcony)
Ross: Oh you guys, I-I really think just one of us should go out
there so she's not overwhelmed...
Monica: Oh, you're right.
Ross: (pulls Monica back) ...and I really think it should be me.
[Cut to the balcony, Ross has just climbed through the window.]
Ross: Hey.
Rachel: Hey.
Ross: You all right?
Rachel: Ooh, I've been better...
Ross: Come here. (he hugs Rachel) Listen, you deserve so much
better than him...you know, I mean, you, you, you should be with
a guy who knows what he has when he has you.
Rachel: Oh, Ross...
Ross: What?
Rachel: I am so sick of guys. I don't want to look at another
guy, I don't want to think about another guy, I don't even want
to be near another guy. (Ross crosses arms)
Ross: Huh.
Rachel: Oh Ross, you're so great!
Ross: Ohhhh (Hugs her and sighs)
[Cut to inside the apartment, Rachel and Ross are entering.]
Monica: Ooh...hey honey, are you all right?
Rachel: Oh...
Phoebe: You ok?
Rachel: ...medium...hmm...any cookies left?
Phoebe: Yep!
Ross: See, Rach, uh, see, I don't think that swearing off guys
altogether is the answer. I really don't. I think that what you
need is to develop a more sophisticated screening process.
Rachel: No. I just need to be by myself for a while, you know? I
just got to figure out what I want
Ross: Uh, no, no, see, because not...not all guys are going to be
a Paolo.
Rachel: No, I know, I know, and I'm sure your little boy is not
going to grow up to be one.
Ross: (astonished) What?
Rachel: What?
Ross: I-I'm, I'm having a boy?
Rachel: Uh...no. No, no, in fact, you're not having a boy.
Ross: Wha-I'm having, I'm having a boy! (babbling) Huh, am I
having a boy?
Girls: Yes, you're having a boy! (Monica runs over and hugs Ross)
Ross: I'm having a boy! Oh, I'm having a boy!
(Joey and Chandler run in)
Chandler: Wha-
Joey: Wha-
Joey and Chandler: What is it?
Ross: I'm having a boy! I-I'm having a boy!
Joey: Hey!
Chandler: Hey!
Joey and Chandler: We already knew that! (they hug)
Ross: I'm having a son. Um...
(Ross looks scared)
Closing Credits
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Monica is busy killing Chandle and
Joey at foosball.]
Monica: Yes! And that would be a shut-down!
Joey and Chandler: Shut-out!! (They both start heading for their
rooms.)
Monica: Where are you guys going? Come on, one more game!
Joey: Uh, it's 2:30 in the morning!
Chandler: Yeah, get out!
Monica: You guys are always hanging out in my apartment! Come on,
I'll only use my left hand, huh? Come on, wussies! (Joey and
Chandler pick her up) All right, ok, I gotta go. I'm going, (they
throw her out) and I'm gone.
Chandler: (to Joey) One more game?
Joey: Oh yeah!
End

113 The One With the Boobies

113 The One With the Boobies 113 看胸脯

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler walks in and starts raiding

the fridge. Then Rachel comes out of the shower with a towel 抱歉 天啊，我受够了
wrapped round her waist, drying herself with another towel. 你不敲门就闯进来? 难道你不尊重别人
Chandler and Rachel startle each other and she drops the towel 的隐私权?
for a second and snatches the rug off the couch.] 瑞秋，慢着 不，你慢着，这太荒唐了
Rachel: That is IT! You just barge in here, you don't knock 我能说一件事吗? 什么事?
Chandler: I'm sorry! 这块布编的非常松
Rachel: You have no respect for anybody's privacy! 因此我仍能看见你的胸脯
Chandler: Rachel, wait, wait. 亲爱的，告诉他们你的病人如何把事想
Rachel: No, you wait! This is ridiculous! 成另一件事
Chandler: Can I just say one thing? 例如电话响时她就去洗澡
Rachel: What? What?! 差不多是那样
Chandler: That's a relatively open weave and I can still see 但你说得很好 谢谢
your... nipular areas. 快走开我们才能谈你
Rachel: Oh!! 好吧，我会想念你的
(She storms off) 他很不错吧
Opening Credits 他好帅，也好像很喜欢你
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there with her boyfriend Roger, 我知道，他人很好
talking to Rachel and Monica.] 导演：亚伦梅尔森
Phoebe: Oh, honey, honey, tell them the story about your patient 而且很复杂
who thinks things are, like, other things. Y'know? Like, the 为何他们就得成为人间男女?
phone rings and she takes a shower. 他会在沙发上做吗?
Roger: That's pretty much it. 我不知道…有点奇怪
Phoebe: Oops! 聚乙稀做的
Roger: But you tell it really well, sweetie. 大家还想要别的吗?
Phoebe: Thanks. Okay, now go away so we can talk about you. 要，我要… 抱歉，卖完了，其他人呢?
Roger: Okay. I'll miss you. 我是否错过某事? 没有
Phoebe: Isn't he great? 她很生气因为我看见她的胸脯
Rachel: He's so cute! And he seems to like you so much. 你看她的胸脯干吗? 那是意外
Phoebe: I know, I know. So sweet... and so complicated. And for a 和拿着望远镜和甜甜圈过街的感觉不同
shrink, he's not too shrinky, y'know? 能改变话题吗?
Monica: So, you think you'll do it on his couch? 没错，因为那不是她的胸脯
Phoebe: Oh, I don't know, I don't know. I think that's a little 而是她的胸部
weird, y'know? Vinyl. 菲比，我要的不只是改变字眼
Rachel: Okaaay. (To the guys, on the couch) Any of you guys want 我不知你如此介意
anything else? 你的胸脯很好看
Chandler: Oh, yes, could I have one of those. (Points) 好看?就这样?手套也很好看
Rachel: No, I'm sorry, we're all out of those. Anybody else? 我…左右为难
Chandler: Okay. 你真逗
Roger: Did I, uh, did I miss something? 他真的很逗
Chandler: No, she's still upset because I saw her boobies. 他不笑的时候 我也不想待在这儿
Ross: You what? Wh what were you doing seeing her boobies? 等等
Chandler: It was an accident. Not like I was across the street 那是什么意思?
with a telescope and a box of donuts. 你似乎有亲密上的问题
Rachel: Okay, okay, could we change the subject, please? 你用你的幽默和人保持距离
Phoebe: Yeah, 'cause hello, these are not her boobies, these are 我才刚认识你
her breasts. 我对你毫无所知
Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, I was hoping for more of a change. 独子?
Chandler: Y'know, I don't know why you're so embarrassed, they 父母在你青春期前离婚?
were very nice boobies. 你怎会知道？ 你很典型
Rachel: Nice? They were nice. I mean, that's it? I mean, mittens 各位 乔伊
are nice. 你们都认识我爸吧?
Chandler: Okaaay, (Gestures) rock, hard place, me. 打算在纽约待多久?几天
Roger: You're so funny! He's really funny! I wouldn't wanna be 我在中城工作
there when when the laughter stops. 我想和儿子同住 比来回坐渡轮好
Chandler: Whoah whoah, back up there, Sparky. What'd you mean by 我没见过他
that? 他是我朋友罗杰
Roger: Oh, just seems as though that maybe you have intimacy 幸会，罗杰 彼此彼此
issues. Y'know, that you use your humour as a way of keeping 玩布偶的那个怎么了? 爸
people at a distance. 抱歉，罗斯，你的太太呢?
Chandler: Huh. 两人出局了?
Roger: I mean hey! I just met you, I don't know you from 钱德，说点好笑的
Adam. ...Only child, right? Parents divorced before you hit 我得挂电话了，我也想你
puberty. 我爱你，但现在很晚了
Chandler: Uhhuh, how did you know that? 让我向她打声招呼
Roger: It's textbook. 妈，我和包西达大夫约了时间
(Joey enters with his dad) 什么?
Joey: Hey you guys. Hey, you all know my dad, right? 你知道这不是妈吗?
All: Hey! Hey, Mr. Trib! 她叫罗妮，宠物殡葬业者
Monica: Hey, how long are you in the city? 当然
Mr. Tribbiani: Just for a coupla days. I got a job midtown. I 你和她多久了…
figure I'm better off staying with the kid than hauling my ass 记得小时候我常带你去海军军港看大船?
back and forth on the ferry. (Sees Roger) I don't know this one. 从那时候?
Phoebe: Oh, this is my friend Roger. 不，才6年
Roger: Hi. 我只想勾起你美好的回忆
Mr. Tribbiani: Hey, hey. Good to meet you, Roger. 让你不会觉得我一直是个大烂人
Roger: You too, sir. 乔伊，你爱过吗?
Mr. Tribbiani: (To Phoebe) What happened to the, uh, puppet guy? 我不知道 那就是没有
Joey: Dad, dad. (Shakes his head) 你的蕃茄烧焦了
Mr. Tribbiani: Oh, 'scuse me. So Ross, uh, how's the wife? (Ross 别想转移话题
whines and lays his head on Chandler's shoulder) Off there too, 乔，你老爸爱得无法自拔
uh? Uh, Chandler, quick, say something funny! 最糟的是我爱两个女人
(Chandler stays stonefaced) 拜托你告诉我其中一个是妈
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Mr. Tribbiani is on the phone.] 当然其中一个是你妈
Mr. Tribbiani: Gotta go. I miss you too, I love you, but it's 你是怎么搞的?
getting real late now 这就像你某天起床突然发现你爸是个双
Joey: (Snatches the phone) Hey Ma. Listen, I made the appointment 面人
with Dr. Bazida, and... Excuse me? (To his dad) Did you know this 就像是为中情局工作的间谍
isn't Ma? 那一定很酷
(His dad nods. Cut to later. Joey is chopping mushrooms) 但这个很烂
Mr. Tribbiani: Her name's Ronni. She's a pet mortician. 我懂
Joey: Sure. So how long you been... (Goes back to chopping) 为何父母就不能是父母?
Mr. Tribbiani: Remember when you were a little kid, I used to 为何他们就得成为人间男女?
take you to the navy yard and show you the big ships? 别再盯着我的胸部看
Joey: Since then?! 什么?
Mr. Tribbiani: No, it's only been six years. I just wanted to put 什么?
a nice memory in your head so you'd know that I wasn't always 那一天你还看得不够吗?
such a terrible guy. ...Joe. Y'ever been in love? 我们都已是成年人
Joey: ...I d'know. 此事只有一个解决之道
Mr. Tribbiani: Then y'haven't. You're burning your tomatoes. 既然你看过她的胸脯
Joey: You're one to talk. (Puts the mushrooms in a saucepan) 你应该让她看你的小弟弟
Mr. Tribbiani: Joe, your dad's in love big time. And the worst 办不到
part of it is, it's with two different women. 拜托，他说得对
Joey: Oh man. Please tell me one of 'em is Ma. 以眼还眼
Mr. Tribbiani: Of course, course one of 'em's Ma. What's the 我不会让你看的
matter with you. 我不会让你看的
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is lamenting to everyone about 快上来
hid dad's affair.] 这下可好，罗杰来了
Joey: It's like if you woke up one day and found out your dad was 罗杰有什么不对劲吗?
leading this double life. He's like actually some spy, working 没什么，小事
for the C.I.A. (Considers) That'd be cool.... This blows! 我讨厌这家伙
Rachel: I know, I mean, why can't parents just stay parents? (She 为什么?因为他太善于分析
walks over near Chandler and his gaze stays very obviously on her 他就是这种人别这样嘛，他没那么糟
chest) Why do they have to become people? Why do they have... 这就是你错误的地方
(Notices Chandler) Why can't you stop staring at my breasts? 如果当初我感觉到她是女同志我何必和
Chandler: (Without looking up) What? (Looks up) What? 她结婚呢?
Rachel: Did you not get a good enough look the other day? 我不知道
Ross: Alright, alright. We're all adults here, there's only one 或许你想让婚姻失败
way to resolve this. Since you saw her boobies, I think, uh, 为什么…
you're gonna have to show her your peepee. 我不知道，或许自信心不足
Chandler: Y'know, I don't see that happening? 或许是弥补你让你妹相形见绌的愧疚
Rachel: C'mon, he's right. Tit for tat. 或许…等等，回到妹妹的话题
Chandler: Well I'm not showing you my 'tat.' 什么?我不知道
(Door buzzer goes) 你要使你的婚姻触礁
Monica: Hello? 让你妹在父母面前不那么抬不起头
Phoebe: (Intercom) It's Phoebe. 这太荒谬了
Roger: (Intercom) And Rog. 她不争气我并未感到自责
Monica: C'mon up. 你认为我不争气?
Chandler: (Sarcastic) Oh, good. Rog is here. 他不错吧我不是那个意思?
Joey: What's the matter with Rog? 多年来我以为你支持我
Ross: Yeah. 但或许你婚姻失败目的是想巴结爸妈
Chandler: Oh, it's nothing, it's a little thing... I hate that 让他们更心疼你
guy. 我娶女同志是想让你建立自信
Ross: What, so he was a little analytical. That's what he does, 你说得对
y'know? C'mon, he's not that bad. 那不是“威伯”的问题
(Cut to Chandler, Ross and Roger sitting at the table. Ross is 而是威伯游乐宫和游轮的问题
upset) 它上面的救生艇让威伯能缓缓驶出
Ross: Y'see, that's where you're wrong. Why would I marry her if 那滋味不好受
I thought on any level thatthat she was a lesbian? 菲比，如果想看电影我们现在该走了
Roger: I dunno. Maybe you wanted your marriage to fail. 打起精神来，瑞秋
Ross: Why? Why would I why? Why? Why? Why? 菲比，我们快来不及了 好
Roger: I don't know. Maybe maybe low self-esteem, maybe maybe to 谢谢 不客气
compensate for overshadowing a sibling, maybe you... 各位，很高兴和各位再度见面
Monica: Wait-wait, go back to that sibling thing. 摩妮卡，饼干别吃太多
Roger: Well, I don't know. I mean, it's conceivable that you 切记，那只是食物
wanted to sabotage your marriage so that the sibling would feel 不是爱
less of a failure in the eyes of the parents. 我讨厌这家伙
Ross: That that's ridiculous! I don't feel guilty for her 晚安，各位
failures! 这是我们订的女人
Monica: Oh! So you think I'm a failure! 需要帮忙吗?
Phoebe: Isn't he good? 不用，谢谢，我在等乔依
Ross: Nonono, thatthat's not what I was saying... 我就是乔依
Monica: Y'know, all these years, I thought you were on my side. 不是你，是老乔依
But maybe what you were doing was sucking up to Mom and Dad so 天啊，你此照片上帅多了
they'd keep liking you better! 我是罗妮
Ross: Hey, I married a lesbian to make you look good! 想吃起司块(夹子)吗?
(Cut to later. Rachel is in tears) 乔伊有“栓子”
Rachel: You're right! I mean you're right! It wasn't just the 但我可以来一点
Weebles, but it was the Weeble Play Palace, and and the Weebles' 大部份人在宠物过世后
Cruise Ship. Oh, which had this little lifeboat for the Weebles 希望它们就像长眠一样
to wobble in. 但有些人要他们摆出姿势
Roger: That's tough. Tough stuff. C'mon, Pheebs, we're gonna 像追自己的尾巴
catch that movie, we gotta get going. 跳起接住飞盘
Phoebe: Oh, okay. Feel better, Rachel, 'kay? 乔伊，如果我先走 我的姿势要像找钥匙
Roger: Geez, we're gonna be late, sweetie... 一样
Phoebe: Oh, okay. Listen, thanks for everything, Mon. 这姿势不错 乔伊
Monica: You're welcome. 罗妮来了
Roger: Listen guys, it was great seeing you again. Mon, um, easy 宝贝
on those cookies, okay? Remember, they're just food, they're not 你来干什么?
love. 你的假发留在我的住处
(He shuts the door and Ross and Monica fling cookies at it) 我想你明天用得上
Monica: Hate that guy! (Throws another cookie) 谢谢
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Joey are just leaving Monica 谁想玩“科普朗克”?
and Rachel's.] 我不该来这儿
Joey: Night, you guys. 我该走了 我不想错过最后一班地铁
(They notice that a woman is sitting by their door) 不，我不要你坐这么晚的车
Chandler: Oh look, it's the woman we ordered. 我要住哪儿?这里?
Joey: Hey. Can, uh, can we help you? 我们去住饭店
Ronni: Oh, no thanks, I'm just waiting for, uh, Joey Tribbiani. 我们去住饭店
Joey: I'm Joey Tribbiani. 不行 不行
Ronni: Oh no, not you, big Joey. Oh my God, you're so much cuter 你们去饭店就一定会办事
than your pictures! (Joey stares at her) I-I'm, I'm 我要你们待在这儿
Ronni....Cheese Nip? 这样我就可以监视
Chandler: Uh, Joey's having an embolism, but I'd go for a Nip, 你要监视我们?
y'know? 没错，我不管你们多大
Commercial Break 只要住在我家 —切就得听我的
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ronni is talking to Chandler. Joey's 那就是不准你们睡在一起
dad is not around.] 他好严格
Ronni: Now, y'see, most people, when their pets pass on, they 爸，你睡我房间
want 'em sorta laid out like they're sleeping. But occasionally 罗妮，你睡钱德的房间
you get your person who wants them in a pose. Like, chasing their 谢谢
tail, (Demonstrates) or, uh, jumping to catch a frisbee. 你真是个好孩子
Chandler: Joey, if I go first, I wanna be looking for my keys. 来，我带你去看我房间
Ronni: That's a good one! 感觉真奇怪
(Joey's dad enters.) 你没说“不，谢了，时候不早了”
Mr. Tribbiani: Hey, Joe. 只有今晚 明天你们就得做出改变
Joey: Dad, Ronni's here. 6年已经够久了
Mr. Tribbiani: Huh? 什么改变?
Ronni: Hi. 不是和她分手就是… 我办不到
Mr. Tribbiani: Hey! Hello, babe! Wh what're what're you doing 不然就是向妈自首 这样是不对的
here? 对，但是… 我不想听
Ronni: Oh, uh, well, you left your good hair at my apartment, I 快进我房里
figured you'd need it tomorrow for your meeting. (Hands him the 别踢了
hair) 你在干什么?找寻舒适的位置
Mr. Tribbiani: Thank you. Uh... 穿着内裤我睡不着 你非穿不可
Chandler: So, who's up for a big game of Kerplunk? 我一直在想…
Ronni: Look, I uh, I shouldn'ta come. I-I'd better get going, I 我总是看见女人叠在女人上面
don't wanna miss the last train. 她们是首尾相接 或是像煎饼一样高
Mr. Tribbiani: I don't want you taking that thing. 懂我意思吗?
Ronni: Oh, where'm I gonna stay, here? 我总想像自己和这些女人约会
Joey: Who-ah-ho. 因为我总想梦中情人出现时
Mr. Tribbiani: We'll go to a hotel. 我就会勇往直前坚持到最后
Ronni: (Shrugs) We'll go to a hotel. 但如今看见我爸…
Joey: No you won't. 你不是他，你是你自己
Ronni: No we won't. 当全天下都希望你继承你爸的事业时
Joey: If you go to a hotel you'll be...doing stuff. I want you 你有屈服吗？ 没有
right here where I can keep an eye on you. 你决心当个演员
Mr. Tribbiani: You're gonna keep an eye on us? 这不是一件容易的事 但你办到了
Joey: That's right, mister, and I don't care how old you are, as 我也相信梦中情人出现时
long as you're under my roof you're gonna live by my rules. And 你会有勇气对她说“抱歉，我已婚”
that means no sleeping with your girlfriend. 你真的这样认为?
Ronni: Wow. He's strict. 真的
Joey: Now dad, you'll be in my room, Ronni uh, you can stay in 谢谢 滚开
Chandler's room. 有事吗?
Ronni: Thanks. You're, uh, you're a good kid. 乔伊说我能用你的浴室
Chandler: C'mon, I'll show you to my room. ...That sounds so 因为钱德正在用我们的 可以啊
weird when it's not followed by "No thanks, it's late." 你是谁？ 我叫罗妮
Joey: Okay. Now this is just for tonight. Starting tomorrow, you 情妇
gotta make a change. This has gone on long enough. 请进 谢谢
Mr. Tribbiani: What kinda change? 我叫瑞秋
Joey: Well, either you break it off with Ronni 浴室在那儿 好
Mr. Tribbiani: I can't do that! 罗妮，钱德进浴室多久了?
Joey: Then you gotta come clean with Ma! This is not right! 约5分钟 太好了
Mr. Tribbiani: Yeah, but this is 请系好安全带
Joey: I don't wanna hear it! Now go to my room! “小弟弟”时间到了
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, night. Chandler and Joey are sharing 崔先生
the sofabed in the living room. Joey is restless.] 早安
Chandler: Hey, Kicky. What're you doing? 钱德，该我看你的小弟弟了
Joey: Just trying to get comfortable. I can't sleep in my 你是怎么搞的?
underwear. 我以为你是钱德
Chandler: Well, you're gonna. 什么事?
Joey: I've been thinking. Y'know, about how I'm always seeing 你应该在浴室 这样我才能看见你的小
girls on top of girls... 弟弟
Chandler: Are they end to end, or tall like pancakes? 抱歉，我的小弟弟和我在那儿
Joey: Y'know what I mean, about how I'm always going out with all 菲比
these women. And I always figured, when the right one comes 如何？ 不错
along, I'd be able to be a stand-up guy and go the distance, 罗杰想邀大家一起吃晚餐
y'know? Now I'm looking at my dad, thinking... 怎么了？ 没事
Chandler: Hey, you're not him. You're you. When they were all 只是…罗杰
over you to go into your father's pipe-fitting business, did you 我说不上来，有些事…
cave? 基本上我们认为他…
Joey: No. 我们讨厌他…
Chandler: No. You decided to go into the out-of-work actor 菲此，我们很抱歉
business. Now that wasn't easy, but you did it! And I'd like to 是不是他观察入微反而吓到你们了
believe that when the right woman comes along, you will have the 不，我们讨厌他… 抱歉
courage and the guts to say "No thanks, I'm married." 妈，你来干什么?
Joey: You really think so? 我拿这个来给你
Chandler: Yeah. I really do. 还有这个
Joey: Thanks, Chandler. (Snuggles up to him) 头好晕
Chandler: Get off! 你为何讲一大堆要你爸改正的垃圾?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, morning. Someone knocks on the door 何不顺其自然呢?
and Monica gets it.] 里面有鸡肉，拿去放
Ronni: Hi. 拜托，乔依，真的
Monica: Hi...May I help you? 慢着，你都知道?
Ronni: Yeah, uh, Joey said I could use your shower, since, uh, 我当然知道，你认为呢?
Chandler's in ours? 你爸又不是詹姆士庞德
Monica: Okay...who are you? 你应该听过他的谎言
Ronni: Oh, I'm Ronni. Ronni Rappelano? The mistress? “我在会计这儿睡”
Monica: Oh, c'mon in. 那是什么?拜托
Ronni: Thanks. 你怎能…记得你爸以前的模样吗?
Rachel: Hi, I'm Rachel. 总是大吼大叫
Ronni: Hi. 总是不开心
Rachel: Bathroom's up there. 连木店和瓶内的小船也无法让他开心
Ronni: Great. 这样也好，他总算有个嗜好
Rachel: Hey, listen, Ronni, how long would you say Chandler's 妈，恕我直言
been in the shower? 你到底在说什么?
Ronni: Oh, like, uh, five minutes? 你呢？ 我很好啊
Rachel: Perfect. Fasten your seatbelts, it's peepee time. (She 在理想的世界中没有她
goes into Joey and Chandler's apartment, where Mr. Tribbiani is 你爸也长得和史汀一样帅
reading the paper) Hey, Mr. Trib. 再告诉你别的
Mr. Tribbiani: Hey. Morning, dear. 自从那女人出现后
(Rachel goes up to the door of their bathroom) 他感到内疚而开始对我体贴
Rachel: Chandler Bing? It's time to see your thing. 每天都像我们的结婚纪念日
(She opens the door and whips back the curtain. It's Joey. They 我该为你高兴?
both scream) 不需要
Joey: (Runs out in a towel) What's the matter with you?! 因为现在全搞砸了
Rachel: I thought it was Chandler! 我只想回到从前
Chandler: (Comes out of his room) What? What? 妈，对不起
Rachel: You were supposed to be in there so I could see your 我以为自己做了你想做的事
thing! 我知道
Chandler: Sorry, my my thing was in there with me. 告诉我，你看见她没?
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there as Phoebe enters.] 你此她漂亮多了
All: Hey, Pheebs. 嘴巴真甜
Phoebe: Hey. 我斗得过她?
Monica: How's it going? 你有戒指，她斗不过的
Phoebe: Good. Oh oh! Roger's having a dinner thing and he wanted 怎么了？ 没事
me to invite you guys. 到底怎么了?快说嘛
(Chandler laughs) 好吧，我…没事
Phoebe: So what's going on? 问题出在我朋友身上
Monica: Nothing, um, it's just, um... It's Roger. 他们对你有意见
Ross: I dunno, there's just something about... 他们… 他们？
Chandler: Basically we just feel that he's... 他们看不见你的好处
Rachel: We hate that guy. 他们看不见你好的一面
All: Yeah. Hate him. 他们认为你有点… 什么？
Ross: We're sorry, Pheebs, we're sorry. 难以相处
Phoebe: Uh-huh. Okay. Okay, don't you think, maybe, though, it's 但我菲比不这么认为
just that he's so perceptive that it freaks you out? 我对他们的反应毫不感到惊讶
All: ...No, we hate him. 你不惊讶? 这就是我欣赏你的地方
Rachel: We're sorry. 当群体动力失调时这是很平常的反应
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment, Joey is trying to turn the 这种相互依赖，情绪激动
sofabed back into a sofa. Someone knocks on the door and it rears 坐在那家烂咖啡屋
up at him.] 拿着大咖啡杯
Joey: Ma! What're you doing here? 抱歉，或许还有乳头在上面
Mrs. Tribbiani: I came to give you this (Gives him a bag of 你们都会说“定义我这个人”
groceries) and this. (Whacks him round the ear) “爱我，我需要爱”
Joey: Oww! Big ring! 你和你爸谈过了?
Mrs. Tribbiani: Why did you have to fill your father's head with 他要以我妈希望的方式继续欺骗我妈
all that garbage about making things right? Things were fine the 我妈要继续假装她一无所知
way they were! There's chicken in there, put it away. For God's 我妹蒂娜不能再见她丈夫
sake, Joey, really. (She gives the sofabed a tiny push and it 因为他接到禁制令
folds away) 这两件事没关系 但我今天才听说
Joey: Hold on, you-you knew? 华登山这儿的事全变了
Mrs. Tribbiani: Of course I knew! What did you think? Your father 乔伊，你没事吧?
is no James Bond. You should've heard some of his cover stories. 或许吧，他们是父母
"I'm sleeping over at my accountant's," I mean, what is that? 你不得不顺其自然
Please! 即使你知道这样做不对
Joey: So then how could you I mean, how could you?! 但你还是得让他们犯自己的错误
Mrs. Tribbiani: Do you remember how your father used to be? 而且几年后我们就和他们一样
Always yelling, always yelling nothing made him happy, nothing 拜托
made him happy, not that wood shop, not those stupid little ships 如果我像他们一样
in the bottle, nothing. Now he's happy! I mean, it's nice, he has 我不是变成追逐金发帅哥的酒鬼
a hobby. 就是变得和我妈一样
Joey: Ma, I don't mean to be disrespectful, but... what the hell 如何？
are you talking about?! I mean, what about you? 还好，只是我和罗杰分手了
Mrs. Tribbiani: Me? I'm fine. Look, honey, in an ideal world, 没错 不…
there'd be no her, and your father would look like Sting. And 怎么了？ 我说不上来
I'll tell you something else. Ever since that poodle-stuffer came 他的个好人而且对我很体贴
along, he's been so ashamed of himself that he's been more 他的某些方面很适合我
attentive, he's been more loving... I mean, it's like every day's 只是…我讨厌这个人
our anniversary.
Joey: I'm...happy...for you?
Mrs. Tribbiani: Well don't be, because now everything's screwed
up. I just want it the way it was.
Joey: Ma, I'm sorry. I just did what I thought you'd want.
Mrs. Tribbiani: I know you did, cookie. Oh, I know you did. So
tell me. Did you see her?
Joey: Yeah. You're ten times prettier than she is.
Mrs. Tribbiani: That's sweet. Could I take her?
Joey: With this ring? (Her engagement ring.) No contest.
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe is there with Roger.]
Roger: What's wrong, sweetie?
Phoebe: Nothing, nothing.
Roger: Aaaah, what's wrong, c'mon. (Pats his leg. She lies down
and rests her head in his lap)
Phoebe: It's, I mean, it's nothing, I'm fine. It's my friends.
They-they have a liking problem with you. In that, um, they
don't.
Roger: Oh. They don't.
Phoebe: But they don't see all the wonderfulness that I see. They
don't see all the good stuff and all the sweet stuff. They just
think you're a little...
Roger: What?
Phoebe: Intense and creepy.
Roger: Oh.
Phoebe: But I don't. Me, Phoebe.
Roger: Well, I'm not I'm not at all surprised they feel that way.
Phoebe: You're not? See, that's why you're so great!
Roger: Actually it's, it's quite, y'know, typical behaviour when
you have this kind of dysfunctional group dynamic. Y'know, this
kind of co-dependant, emotionally stunted, sitting in your stupid
coffee house with your stupid big cups which, I'm sorry, might as
well have nipples on them, and you're like all 'Oh, define me!
Define me! Love me, I need love!'.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is letting everyone in on the
new developments.]
Monica: So you talked to your dad, huh.
Joey: Yeah. He's gonna keep cheating on my ma like she wanted,
she's gonna keep pretending she doesn't know even though she
does, and my little sister Tina can't see her husband any more
because he got a restraining order...which has nothing to do with
anything except that I found out today.
Rachel: Wow.
Chandler: Things sure have changed here on Waltons mountain.
Ross: So Joey, you okay?
Joey: Yeah, I guess. It's just parents, after a certain point,
you gotta let go. Even if you know better, you've gotta let them
make their own mistakes.
Rachel: Just think, in a couple of years we get to turn into
them.
Chandler: If I turn into my parents, I'll either be an alcoholic
blond chasing after twenty-year-old boys, or... I'll end up like
my mom.
Phoebe: (entering) Hey.
All: Hey, Pheebs.
Monica: How's it going?
Phoebe: Oh, okay, except I broke up with Roger.
All: Awww.
Phoebe: Yeah, right.
All: Aaawwwwww!!
Rachel: What happened?
Phoebe: I don't know, I mean, he's a good person, and he can be
really sweet, and in some ways I think he is so right for me,
it's just... I hate that guy!
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Phoebe is reading the paper and Joey
enters.]
Phoebe: Hey, Joey. What's going on?
Joey: Clear the tracks for the boobie payback express. Next stop:
Rachel Green. (He goes into the bathroom. We hear a scream and he
comes out, closely followed by Monica in a towel)
Monica: Joey!! What the hell were you doing?!
Joey: Sorry. Wrong boobies.
(He leaves. Cut to Monica entering Chandler and Joey's apartment.
She sneaks up to the shower door)
Monica: Hello, Joey.
(She whips back the curtain to reveal Joey's dad)
Mr. Tribbiani: Oh! ...Hello, dear. (She whips the curtain shut in
horror)
End

114 The One With the Candy Hearts

114 The One With the Candy Hearts 114 情人节糖果

[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is eyeing a beautiful woman at the

counter, and Joey and Chandler are egging him on to go talk to 告诉你吧，罗斯，她要你
her. No pun intended. I mean it.] 她跟我不熟
Joey: I'm tellin' you Ross, she wants you. 我们只是住在同一栋公寓
Ross: She barely knows me. We just live in the same building. 有过任何接触?
Chandler: Any contact? 她借过我一颗蛋
Ross: She lent me an egg once. 有机会了
Joey: You're in! 罗斯
Ross: Aw, right. 嗨
Woman: Hi, Ross. 快，你得再接再厉
Ross: Hey. (stutters something incoherent) 你和瑞秋的事没指望
Chandler: Come on, Ross, you gotta get back in the game here, ok? 你前妻是个女同志
The Rachel thing's not happening, your ex-wife is a lesbian—I 我们不想有第三回
don't think we need a third... 抱歉，
Joey: Excuse me, could we get an egg over here, still in the 能给我们一颗蛋吗？
shell? Thanks. 整颗蛋，谢谢
Ross: An egg? 蛋？
Joey: Yeah, you're gonna go up to her and say, "Here's your egg 对，你拿这颗蛋去还她，说
back, I'm returning your egg." 还给你鸡蛋
Chandler: I think it's winning. 我们赢定了
Ross: I think it's insane. 拜托，这太离谱了
Chandler: She'll love it. Go with the egg, my friend. 她会喜欢的
(Ross walks over to the woman, egg in hand.) 朋友，带着蛋去
Joey: Think it'll work? 你想会成功吗？
Chandler: No, it's suicide. The man's got an egg. 才怪，这简直是自杀
Opening Credits 你不能这样做
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler are 做什么？
there. Ross is still talking to the beautiful woman.] 罗杰明天要带她出去
Monica: You can not do this. 不，菲比难道你忘了为何抛弃他？
Rachel: Do what, do what? 因为他惹人厌又可怖
Monica: Roger wants to take her out tomorrow night. 但情人节有人共度也不差
Rachel: No! Phoebes! Don't you remember why you dumped the guy? 菲比，其他任何一夜跟他约会都无所谓
Phoebe: 'Cause he was creepy, and mean, and a little 我知道我会这么做
frightening... alright, still, it's nice to have a date on 你们明晚有何节目？
Valentine's Day! 明天有何节目全看今天的表现
Monica: But Phoebe, you can go out with a creepy guy any night of 关于今晚
the year. I know I do. 不,你不能背叛我
Rachel: Well, what are you guys doing tomorrow night? 我答应为她朋友带一位男伴
Joey: Actually, tomorrow night kinda depends on how tonight goes. 她才答应与我约会
Chandler: Oh, uh, listen, about tonight... 我知道，但她朋友好像是个...
Joey: No, no, no, don't you dare bail on me. The only reason 可怜虫，我知道
she's goin' out with me is because I said I could bring a friend 但她是如此渴望如此脆弱
for her friend. 我想..
Chandler: Yes, I know, but her friend sounds like such a... 谢谢
Joey: Pathetic mess? I know, but—come on, man, she's needy, 你和Janice之后就没约过会
she's vulnerable. I'm thinkin', cha-ching! (Rachel throws a roll 你一定要去
at Joey. He picks it up and eats it.) Thanks. Look, you have not 她答应了
been out with a woman since Janice. You're doin' this. 干得好
Ross: Hi. She said yes. 蛋还在？
Chandler: Yes! Way to go, man! (Chandler and Ross hug. Something 对
crunches in Ross' shirt pocket.) Still got the egg, huh? 我的样子如何？
[Scene: A Restaurant, Joey and Chandler are there, waiting for 不关我的事
their dates to show up.] 切记，不准交换
Joey: (Looking at himself in the reflection on a knife) How do I 你有美女相伴，我有贱货作陪
look? 乔依
Chandler: Oh, uh, I... don't... care. (Joey's date shows up) Ok, 瞧你带什么人来，真帅
now, remember, no trading. You get the pretty one, I get the 你带谁来？
mess. 她在放外套
Lorraine: Hi, Joey. Well well, look what you brought. Very nice. 乔伊，我去洗掉手上的猫味
Chandler: ...And what did you bring? 你帮我和Janice点萄葡酒和红酒
Lorraine: She's checking the coats. Joey, I'm gonna go wash the Janice…
cab smell off my hands. Will you get me a white Zinfandel, and a Janice…
glass of red for Janice. 天啊
Chandler: Janice? 是Janice
(Lorraine leaves. Joey shakes his head as though to say, 'It 我得逃了，我要从窗子爬出去
can't be the same Janice.' Janice enters.) 拜托，别这样
Janice: Oh.... my.... God. 我一直梦想与萝拉妮约会
Chandler: (angrily) Hey, it's Janice. 冷静点..
[Scene: The bathroom at the restaurant, Chandler and Joey are 冷静？
talking.] 你竟凑合我与在五个月内
Chandler: Ok, I'm makin' a break for it, I'm goin' out the 被我甩掉两次的女人
window. 别这么大声行吗？你让我紧张得…
Joey: No, no, no, don't! I've been waitin' for like, forever to 我一紧张就尿不出来
go out with Lorraine. Just calm down. 抱歉，你说得对
Chandler: Calm down? Calm down? You set me up with the woman that 快尿！快点，尿啊！...
I've dumped twice in the last five months! 罗杰虽讨人厌，但与彼德卡尼相较还差
Joey: (at the urinal) Can you stop yellin'? You're makin' me 得远呢
nervous, and I can't go when I'm nervous. 谁是彼德卡尼？
Chandler: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you're right. (gets up right 爱哭鬼彼德
behind Joey and yells in his ear) Come on, do it, do it, go, come 我们每次做爱他就哭
on!!! “你满足吗？”
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the girls are all there, discussing 我每天都想为霍尔那个家伙哭
their bad luck with men.] 我赢了
Rachel: Ok, ok, Roger was creepy, but he was nothing compared to 我和他约会两个月一次都没赢过
Pete Carney. 我们怎会和这些浑蛋在一起？
Monica: Which one was Pete Carney? 我们可是良家妇女
Rachel: Pete the Weeper? Remember that guy who used to cry every 不知道
time we had sex. (imitating) "Was it good for you?" 或许我们有某种吸引力吧
Monica: Yeah, well, I'll take a little crying any day over 我知道我有
Howard-the-"I-win"-guy. (imitating) "I win! I win!" I went out 所以我不能戴电子表
with the guy for two months—I didn't get to win once. 还有啤酒？
Rachel: How did we end up with these jerks? We're good people! 记得我那剃光头的朋友艾比？
Monica: I don't know. Maybe we're some kinda magnets. 她说想要停止与恶男交往的恶性循环
Phoebe: I know I am. That's why I can't wear a digital watch. 可以举行一个清理仪式
Monica: There's more beer, right? 菲比，她是个大秃头。
Phoebe: Oh! You know my friend Abby who shaves her head? She said 对
that if you want to break the bad boyfriend cycle, you can do 我们明晚可以试试看
like a cleansing ritual. 明天情人节是绝佳的时刻
Rachel: Pheebes, this woman is voluntarily bald. 什么仪式？
Phoebe: Yeah. So, we can do it tomorrow night, you guys. It's 我们可以烧掉他们送的东西
Valentine's Day. It's perfect. 或者是？
Monica: Ok, well, what kind of ritual? 或是念经，拿着权杖裸体跳舞
Phoebe: Ok. We can, um, we can burn the stuff they gave us. 还是烧东西好
Rachel: Or? 烧东西好
Phoebe: Or...or we can chant and dance around naked, you know, 我有东西可以烧
with sticks. 我从儿时就能用脚趾夹起两毛五
Monica: Burning's good. 是吗？真厉害
Rachel: Burning's good. Yeah, I got stuff to burn. 哪一种两毛五？
[Scene: The Restaurant, Joey, Lorraine, Chandler, and Janice are 对了，钱德
at the table. Joey and Lorraine are seated very close, Chandler 我把照片上的你都剪掉了
and Janice have backed their chairs away from one another.] 如果需要
Lorraine: You know, ever since I was little, I've been able to 我有一袋你的头
pick up quarters with my toes. 不用了
Joey: Good for you. (jumps suddenly) Uh, quarters or rolls of 确定？真的？
quarters? 你可以在你的“残酷戏院”中
Janice: By the way, Chandler. I cut you out of all my pictures. 用它们玩傀儡游戏
So if you want, I have a bag with just your heads. 你不能这么做
Chandler: That's OK. 什么？不能做什么？
Janice: Oh, are you sure? Really? Because you know, you could 能过去和你谈谈吗？
make little puppets out of them, and you could use them in your 我们得先离开
theater of cruelty. 告诉我这是你和我，我们
(Lorraine whispers into Joey's ear.) 她说她要在我身上涂满东西
Joey: (to Lorraine) We can't do that. 然后舔干净
Chandler: (disgusted) What? What can't you do? 我不知道涂是什么意思，
Joey: Uh, can I talk to you for a second, over there? 但我不想错过
(Chandler and Joey leave the table.) 你不能这样待我
Joey: Uh, we might be leaving now. 你说得对，抱歉
Chandler: Tell me it's "you and me" we. 三份巧克力慕斯外带
Joey: She said she wants to slather my body with stuff and then 我走了
lick it off. I'm not even sure what slathering is, but I 这是我的信用卡
definitely want to be a part of it. 这一顿算我的。对不起，钱德
Chandler: Ok, you can not do this to me. 我希望她吐在你身上
Joey: You're right, I'm sorry. You're right. 只剩下我们
Lorraine: (to waiter) Uh, can we have three chocolate mousses to 真是糟糕的一夜
go please? 但我还是一直欣赏你拉链里的衣服
Joey: I'm outta here. Here's my credit card. Dinner's on me. I'm 自你从洗手间回来后
sorry, Chandler. 抱歉
Chandler: I hope she throws up on you. 近来可好？
(Joey leaves with Lorraine. Chandler sits back down with Janice.) 他们是我们最要好的朋友？
Chandler: So... 乔伊哪儿称得上是朋友
Janice: Just us. 他…
Chandler: Oh, what a crappy night! 这笨蛋留下信用卡
Janice: Although, I have enjoyed the fact that, uh your shirt's 想再来一杯？
been stickin' outta your zipper ever since you came back from the 甜点？大银幕电视？
bathroom. 我想再来一杯
Chandler: Excuse me. (gets up, jumps up and down while he zips 没问题，好女人
his zipper up... other patrons look at him) How ya doin'? 拿瓶最贵的香槟来
Janice: So, do we have the best friends or what? 每人各一瓶
Chandler: Joey's not a friend. He's...a stupid man who left us 对，每人各一瓶
his credit card. Another drink? Some dessert? A big screen TV? 罗伯罗伊
Janice: I will go for that drink. ...我老早就想品尝了
Chandler: You got it. Good woman! (the waiter turns around, it's 情人节快乐
a man) Could we get a bottle of your most overpriced champagne? 我现在就开始想念你了
Janice: Each. 你能相信会发生这种事吗？
Chandler: That's right, each. Oh, and a uh Rob Roy. (to Janice) 不能
I've always wanted to know... 但还是发生了
[Scene: Chandler's bedroom, Chandler wakes up, and finds someone 再见，Janice
else's hand on his chest. He rolls over and is shocked to see 吻我
Janice there.] 钱德，抱歉
Janice: Happy Valentine's Day! 钱德，抱歉。Janice
Commercial Break 摩尼卡
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler is trying to get Janice out of his 真是太特别了
apartment.] 瑞秋，看谁来了
Janice: Oh, I miss you already. Can you believe this happened? 天啊，Janice
Chandler: No... no! And yet it did. Good-bye, Janice. 她就要走了
Janice: Kiss me! 我马上回来
(Janice kisses him. Monica comes out for the newspaper.} 乔伊，看谁来了
Monica: Oh, Chandler, sorry. 很好，乔伊回来了
(Janice turns around, Monica sees who it is.) 这真是太好玩了
Monica: Ohhh, Chandler, sorry! Hey, Janice. 好像是大团圆一样
Janice: Hi, Monica. 罗斯，对，跟某人打个招呼吧
Chandler: Ok, well, this was very special. 他恰好打电话来
Monica: Rach, come see who's out here! 罗斯
(Rachel comes out.) 对，是我
Rachel: Oh my god. Janice, hi! 你怎么会知道？
Chandler: Janice is gonna go away now. 我是说会如果狗有时差问题
Monica: I'll be right back. 因此狗的七年等于人的一年
(Joey enters from the stairs.) 那么狗从纽约飞到洛杉矶
Rachel: Oh, Joey, look who it is. 损失的不是三小时，而是十天
Joey: (in disbelief) Whoa. 真好笑
Chandler: Oh, good, Joey's home now. 她们是谁？
Janice: This is so fun. This is like a reunion in the hall. 金发的是我前妻
(Monica comes out with her cordless phone.) 碰她的是她的密友
Monica: Oh, hi, Ross. Yeah. There's someone I want you to say hi 你是指她们是情人？
to. (to Chandler) He just happened to call. 如果你硬要这么说的话
Janice: Hi, Ross. Yes, it's me. How did you know? (she laughs 我需要知道什么？
obnoxiously) 不，就这些了
[Scene: A Chinese Restaurant, Ross is there with his date.] 对了，她怀了我的孩子
Ross: I'm just sayin' if dogs do experience jet lag, then, 我总是忘了这件事
because of the whole um, seven dog years to one human year thing, 我们需要鼠尾草和沙加缅度酒
then, when a dog flies from New York to Los Angeles, he doesn't 我只有牛至叶和佛瑞斯加
just lose three hours, he loses like a week and a half. 那样也行
(Ross starts to laugh, and then makes a face like 'Why did I just 现在我们需要正义男子的精液
say that?' Ross' ex-wife, Carol, and her lesbian lover, Susan, 菲比，如果我们有
enter the restaurant. Ross stares at them.) 现在就无需进行仪式了
Kristin: That's funny. Who are they? 可以丢东西了吗？
Ross: The blond woman is my ex-wife, and the woman touching her 可以了
is her... close, personal friend. 巴瑞的信
Kristin: You mean they're lovers. 亚当瑞塔的四角裤
Ross: If you wanna put a label on it. 我和纳可路路晚餐的收据
Kristin: Wow, uh, anything else I should know? 这是史考帝的裸体照片
Ross: Nope, nope, that's it. 他穿着毛衣
(Carol takes off her jacket, her pregnant belly is exposed.) 没有
Ross: Oh, and she's pregnant with my baby. I always forget that 这是保罗的萄葡酒
part. (to Carol and Susan) Helloo! 等等，这不是几乎纯…
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the girls are holding their 我怎能在情人节甩掉她
boyfriend bonfire.] 天晓得，但你在新年甩掉她
Phoebe: Ok, so now we need, um sage branches and the sacramental 下辈子我要当马桶刷
wine. 有趣的情人
Monica: All I have is, is oregano and a Fresca. Janice
Phoebe: Um, that's ok! (throws it in fire) Ok. All right. Now we 乔伊，我们的小媒婆
need the semen of a righteous man. 我忍不住想吻你
Rachel: Ok, Pheebs, you know what, if we had that, we wouldn't be 如果你不敢，就让我来开口
doing the ritual in the first place. 你从事什么职业？
Monica: Can we just start throwing things in? 这几年都在...
Phoebe: Ok, yeah, ok. (she throws the directions in) Oh, OK. 不，我以为你说他们可以自己做
Rachel: (tossing things in the fire) Ok, Barry's letters. Adam 我以为他们会试试看
Ritter's boxer shorts. 我会尽量赶回来，抱歉
Phoebe: Ok, and I have the, uh receipt for my dinner with 真好笑，我又不是主修那个
Nokululu Oon Ah Ah. 真好笑
Monica: Look, here's a picture of Scotty Jared naked. 我邀Carol过来会很奇怪吗？
Rachel: (looking at picture) Hey he's wearing a sweater. 因为她现在落单，怀孕，心情又不好
Monica: No. 大概吧
Rachel and Phoebe: Eww! 你确定？谢谢
Rachel: And here we have the last of Paulo's grappa. Carol
Monica: Hey, Rachel, isn't that stuff almost pure... 愿意过来坐吗？
(Rachel throws the alcohol in the fire. A burst of flames shoots 不，我没事
up from it.) 过来吧
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are there. Chandler is 这些人会挪过去的
preparing to dump Janice again.] 各位挪过去好吗
Chandler: How can I dump this woman on Valentine's day? 动起来
Joey: I don't know. You dumped her on New Year's. 克莉丝汀，这位是Carol
Chandler: Oh, man. In my next life, I'm coming back as a toilet Carol，这位是克莉丝汀
brush. Carol教六年级
(Janice enters.) 克莉丝汀…
Janice: Hello, funny Valentine. 她的工作...
Chandler: Hi, Just Janice. 很好笑，因为那不是她的主修
Janice: Hello, Joey, our little matchmaker. I could just kiss you 里面有什么东西？
all over, and I'm gonna! 肥皂，四角裤，问候卡
(Janice kisses Joey all over. Chandler smiles.) 烧得半焦的照片
Joey: (to Chandler) If you don't do it, I will. 这家伙的体毛比队长的还浓密
[Scene: The Chinese Restaurant.] 这件事说来好笑
Ross: So, um, what do you do for a living? 没关系的，你无须解释
Kristin: Well, um, for the past few years I've been working.. 烧毁男友物品失控的事件我们见多了
(Ross is watching Carol and Susan, not listening to Kristin. 这已是今晚的第三件
Susan gets up, and has to go. Carol is left stranded)...which is 真的？
funny because, that wasn't even my major. 当然，情人节之夜是我们最忙的时刻
Carol: Oh no. I thought you said they could shoot the spot 我带了东西给你
without you. 装上子弹了没？
Susan: I thought they could...I'll try to get back as soon as I 心型糖果
can. I'm sorry. (Ross realizes Kristin was expecting him to 钱与珍，永远
laugh, so he starts to laugh hysterically.) 我订做的
Ross: Now that is funny. Hey, do you think...would it be too Okay, Janice…
weird if I invited Carol over to join us? 'Cause she's, she's Janice…
alone now, and pregnant, and, and sad. 我不知怎么跟你说
Kristin: (reluctantly) I guess. 至少我不知道怎么用别的办法跟你说
Ross: Are you sure? Great. Carol? Wanna come over and join us? 我觉得我们不会结果
Carol: Oh, no no no. I'm fine. I'm fine. 无所谓
Ross: Come on. These people'll scooch down. You guys'll scooch, 是吗？
won't you? Let's try scooching! Come on. Come on. Uh, Kristen 嗯
Riggs, this is Carol Willick. Carol, Kristin. Uh, Carol teaches 因为我知道我们还没结束
sixth grade. And, Kristin, Kristin...(struggling)...does 事实上已经结束了
something that, funnily enough, wasn't even her major! 不，还没因为你不会让它发生的
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, firemen are there to handle the 难道你还不懂？
bonfire that got out of control.] 你爱我，钱德
Fireman No. 1: What do we got there? 不，我不爱
Fireman No. 2: A piece of something: boxer shorts, greeting 那么就扪心自问
cards, and what looks like a half-charred picture—Wow, that 我们为何总是会复合？
guy's hairier than the Chief! 新年是谁邀谁？
Monica: You know, it's a really funny story how this happened. 情人节是谁邀谁上床？
Fireman No. 3: It's all right. It's all right. You don't have to 是我，可是…
explain. This isn't the first boyfriend bonfire that we've seen 我是你寻找的对象
get out of control. 你的内心深处不断呼喊着我
Fireman No. 1: You're our third call tonight. Janice…
Rachel: Really? 你要我，你需要我
Fireman No. 2: Oh, sure, Valentine's is our busiest night of the 你不能没有我
year. 你知道
[Scene: Central Perk.] 你只是不知道你知道罢了
Janice: I brought you something. 再见
Chandler: Is it loaded? Oh, little candy hearts. (reading the 打电话给我
candy) Chan and Jan Forever. 没有，我没说你妈是狼人
Janice: I had them made special. 你有，我发誓
Chandler: Ok, Janice. Janice. Hey, Janice. Look, there's no way 她上洗手间多久了？
for me to tell you this. At least there's no new way for me to 我想她不是去上洗手间
tell you this. I just don't things are gonna work out. 她的外套不见了
Janice: That's fine. 或许是太冷吧
Chandler: (surprised) It is? 或许我搞砸了九年来的第一次约会
Janice: Mmm-hmm. Because I know that this isn't the end. 有可能
Chandler: Oh no, you see, actually it is. 这里还是很热
Janice: No, it isn't, because you won't let that happen. Don't 磨菇
you know it yet? You love me, Chandler Bing. 笑一下，不会每回都这样的
Chandler: Oh, no I don't. 有些女人会把晚餐吃完的
Janice: Well then ask yourself this. Why do you think we keep 抱歉，不好笑
ending up together? New Year's? Who invited who? Valentine's? Who 人们老说要继续你的人生
asked who into whose bed? 我必须吗？
Chandler: I did, but... 我和这位美女坐在这儿
Janice: You seek me out. Something deep in your soul calls out to 她是那么好，但就这么吹了
me like a foghorn. Janice, Janice. You want me. You need me. You 我现在又和你聊天
can't live without me. And you know it. You just don't know you 轻松又自在，我何必…
know it. See ya. 我懂
(She kisses him passionately,then leaves.) 我有个疯狂的念头
Chandler: Call me! 我们再试一次好吗？
[Scene: The Chinese Restaurant, Ross and Carol are talking. 我知道你要说你是个女同志
Kristin is not there.] 但何不暂时将它摆在一旁
Carol: It's not true. I never called your mother a wolverine. 完全不去想它
Ross: You did so. I swear, I swear—(noticing Kristin's absence) 因为我们在一起很开心
How long has she been in the bathroom? 这不容你否认
Carol: Uh, I don't think she's in the bathroom. Her coat is gone. 而且你又怀了我的孩子
Ross: Well maybe it's cold in there. Or maybe I screwed up the 这样不是很完美吗？
first date I had in 9 years. 虽然你一直回绝
Carol: That could be it. 但我仍然想对你说
Ross: Oh, god. (He puts his head down on the grill) You know, 我爱你
this is still pretty hot. (He picks his head up, and a mushroom 我也爱你
sticks to his head. Carol picks it off and eats it.) 但是...
Carol: Mushroom. Smile. They won't all be like this. Some women 不要但是
might even stay through dinner. Sorry, that's not funny 暂时放到一旁的事
Ross: No, it's just...you know the whole "getting on with your 迟早会出现的
life" thing. Well, do I have to? I mean, I'm sitting here with 你会找到对象的，我知道你会的
this cute woman, and, and, and she's perfectly nice, and, but 合适的女人正在等着你
that there's, that's it. And um, and then I'm here talkin' to 你说得倒是轻松
you, and, and it's easy, and it's fun, and, and I don't, I don't 你已找到合适的女人
have to...You know, here's a wacky thought. Um, what's say you 你只需找到爱男人的女人即可
and I give it another shot? No no no, I know what you're gonna 不是她
say, you're a lesbian. But what do you say we just put that aside 我们午夜下班之后
for now you know? Let's just stick a pin in it, ok? Because, 来找你们可以吗？
we're great together, you know. You can't deny it. Besides, 你们会开消防车过来吗？
you're carrying my baby. I mean, how perfect is that? But see, 还会让你们拉警铃
you know, you keep sayin' that, but there's somethin' right here. 天啊
I love you. 清理仪式奏效
(They kiss.) 没错，他们是好男人
Carol: Oh, I love you too. But... 他们是消防队员
Ross: No but, no but. 你们有告诉她们你们已婚吗？
Carol: You know that thing you put over here with the pin in it? 当然没有
It's time to take the pin out. You'll find someone, I know you 别逗了
will. The right woman is just waiting for you. 连我女友都不知道
Ross: That's easy for you to say, you found one already. 我才不会告诉她们呢
Carol: All you need is a woman who likes men and you'll be set.
(A beautiful woman walks by Ross, he stares at her.)
Carol: Not her.
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, The girls are talking with the
firemen.]
Fireman No. 3: We get off around midnight, why don't we pick you
up then?
Rachel: So, um, will you bring the truck?
Fireman No. 3: I'll even let you ring the bell.
Rachel: Oh, my god.
Phoebe: See, there you go, the cleansing works!
Monica: They're nice guys.
Rachel: Oh, they're firemen guys.
[Scene: Out in the hall, the firemen are talking.]
Fireman No. 1: You guys tell them you were married?
Fireman No. 2: No way!
Fireman No. 3: Are you kidding? My girlfriend doesn't know, I'm
not gonna tell them!
End

115 The One With the Stoned Guy

115 The One With the Stoned Guy 115 大麻客

[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is serving Joey, Ross, and Monica

their drinks.] 咖啡 谢谢
Rachel: (to Joey) Coffee. (Hands it to him.) 卡布其诺
Joey: Thank you. 摩妮卡的热苹果酒
Rachel: (to Ross) Cappuccino. (Hands it to him.) 谢谢
Ross: Grazie. 瑞秋为何我的肉桂棒上
Rachel: And a nice hot cider for Monica. (Hands it to her.) 有橡皮擦?
Monica: Aww, thank you. (Notices something.) Uh Rach? 这就是原因，对不起
Rachel: Yeah? 钱德
Monica: Why does my cinamon stick have an eraser? 泰小姐，你今天真漂亮
Rachel: Oh! That's why. (Rachel checks behind her ear, and finds 我能说这件衣服真好看吗?
a cinamon stick.) I'm sorry! 当然
(She takes the pencil out of Monica's coffee and Monica puts her 制片：陶德史帝芬
cup down in disgust.) 科先生希望你在下班后
Opening Credits 能到他办公室去
[Scene: Chandler's job, Chandler is typing data into his 如果他是为搞笑备忘录
computer, he keeps typing even while taking a drink of coffee 不是我干的，真的…
with one hand. One of his co-workers walks by.] 导演：亚伦梅尔森
Woman: Chandler. 各位，钱德说他有天大好的消息
Chandler: Mrs. Tedlock. You're looking lovely today. And may I 所以他来的时候我们就…
say, that is a very flattering sleeve length on you. 算了
Mrs. Tedlock: Yes. Well, Mr. Kostelick wants you to stop by his 但一定是好消息
office at the end of the day. 到底怎么了…
Chandler: Oh, listen. If this is about those prank memos, I had 今天和平常没什么两样
nothing to do with them. Really. Nothing at all. Really. 我在输人数字时
(Chandler tries to hide a rubber chicken from the woman.) 艾尔叫我到他办公室
Nothing. 说他要我当电脑处理的主管
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there but Chandler. Phoebe runs 真是太好了 恭喜...
in, excitedly.] 所以我就辞职不干了
Phoebe: Hey you guys! Chandler's coming and he says he has, like, 为什么?
this incredible news, so when he gets here, we could all act 为什么?因为这只是暂时的工作
like, you know... 钱德，你已在公司五年了
(Chandler comes in.) 我知道，但接受升职
Chandler: Hey! 不就承认这就是我的目的
All: Hey! 这那不是能赚更多钱?
Phoebe: Never mind. But it was going to be really good. 我不在乎
Ross: What's going on? 我不想成为坐在办公室到午夜
All: What is it? 担心”WEENUS”的人
Chandler: So, it's a typical day at work. I'm inputting my WEENUS?
numbers, and big Al calls me into his office and tells me he ”我们估计净值使用系统”
wants to make me processing supervisor. 这是电脑处理的术语
All: That's great! 那个啊
Chandler: So.... I quit. 你有何打算?
All: Why? 我也不知道该怎么办
Chandler: Why? This was supposed to be a temp job! 我只知道我不会再待在那儿工作了
Monica: Yeah, Chandler... you've been there for five years. 我有一份你可以做的工作
Chandler: If I took this promotion, it'd be like admitting that 我的新按摩客户史蒂芬
this is what I actually do. 他开了一家餐厅
Phoebe: So was it a lot more money? 他正在寻找总厨师
Chandler: It doesn't matter. I just don't want to be one of those 你好...
guys that's in his office until twelve o'clock at night worrying 我知道你是个厨师
about the WENUS. 而且我先想到你
(Everyone looks at him, confused.) 但钱德目前没有工作所以...
Rachel: ... the WENUS? 我没有太多厨师的经验
Chandler: Weekly Estimated Net Usage Systems. A processing term. 除非那是一家只卖土司的餐厅
Rachel: (sarcastic) Oh. That WENUS. 他想要什么菜色?
Joey: So what're you going to do? 他想要菜色丰富多变
Chandler: I don't know. That's the thing. I don't know what I 因此他在找一个能创造出整个菜单的人
want to do. I just know I'm not going to figure it out working 天啊
there. 对，我知道
Phoebe: Oooh! I have something you can do! I have this new 意下如何？
massage client... Steve? (pause) Anyway, he's opening up a 谢了
restaurant and he's looking for a head chef. 我大概没资格戴白色大帽吧
Monica: (taps Phoebe on her shoulder) Um... hi there. 好吧
Phoebe: Hi! (turns back to Chandler, then to Monica) Oh, yeah, 摩妮卡，你猜怎么着?
no, I know. You're a chef. I know, and I thought of you first, 你能透过衬衫看见我的乳头吗?
but um, Chandler's the one who needs a job right now, so.... 看不见，但别担心，它们还在
Chandler: Yeah... I just don't have that much cheffing 你要上哪儿去
experience. Unless it's an all-toast restaurant. 西装笔挺先生?
Phoebe: (to Monica's tapping) Yeah, yeah! 我和求职顾问
Monica: Well, what kind of food is he looking for? 阿哥哥罗伯提曼博士有约
Phoebe: Well, he wants to do some ecclectic, so he's looking for 阿哥哥是我加的
someone who can, you know, create the entire menu. 求职顾问?
Monica: (excited) Oh my God! 你们都已找到人生的方向
Phoebe: Yeah, I know! (turns to Chandler) So, what do you think? 还没
Chandler: Thanks, Phoebe. But I just don't really see myself in a 在客厅里的各位
big white hat. 全都知道未来该怎么走
Phoebe: OK. (pause) Oh Monica! Guess what! 你们有目标有梦想
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler walks in, wearing a suit.] 但我却没有梦想
Chandler: Can you see my nipples through this shirt? 少见的”我没有梦想”演说
Rachel: No. But don't worry, I'm sure they're still there. 我爱我的人生…
Phoebe: Where are you going, Mr. Suity-Man? 布莱恩的歌
Chandler: Well, I have an appointment to see Dr. Robert Pillman, 见面的结果如何?
career counselor a-gogo. (pause) I added the "a-gogo." 相当顺利
Rachel: Career counselor? 他告诉我未来餐厅的位置
Chandler: Hey, you guys all know what you want to do. 就在第十街不太大也不太小，大小适中
Rachel: I don't! 前任老板是金发女人和几只熊吗?
Chandler: Hey, you guys in the living room all know what you want 总之周一
to do. You know, you have goals. You have dreams. I don't have a 我们要煮一餐让他品尝
dream. 有点像是面试
Ross: Ah, the lesser-known "I don't have a dream" speech. 菲此，他也要你在场
(Monica enters, excited.) 这样对我有利
Monica: Oh, I love my life, I love my life! 因为你可以发出好吃的赞叹声
Phoebe: Ooh! Brian's Song! 你做什么?
Rachel: The meeting with the guy went great? 发出好吃的声音
Monica: So great! He showed me where the restaurant's going to 摩妮卡，你要做什么菜?
be. It's this, it's this cute little place on 10th Street. Not 我也不知道但一定会很棒的
too big, not too small. Just right. 我知道你可以做什么了
Chandler: Was it formerly owned by a blonde woman and some bears? 你可以做…我也不知道
Monica: So anyway, I'm cooking dinner for him Monday night. You 各位，谁知道附近有约会的绝佳地点?
know, kind of like an audition. And Phoebe, he really wants you 东尼餐厅如何?
to be here, which will be great for me because then you can 'ooh' 吃下32盎斯的牛排就免费
and 'ahh' and make yummy noises. 谁知道和美洲豹约会
Rachel: What are you going to make? 哪儿是好地点?
Phoebe: (as though Rachel wasn't paying attention) Yummy noises. 你要和谁约会?
Rachel: (pause) And Monica, what are you going to make? 是昆虫女?
Monica: I don't know. I don't know. It's just going to be so 我爱你，罗斯
great! 她叫希莉亚，不是昆虫女
Phoebe: Ooh! I know what you could make! (runs over to join 她是昆虫博物馆的主任
Monica and Rachel in the kitchen) I know! Oh, you should 你们打算如何共渡?
definitely make that thing... you know, with the stuff? (Monica 出去吃晚餐
doesn't know.) You know, that thing... with the stuff...? OK, I 后带她回我的住处
don't know. (sits down) 介绍我的猴子给她认识
Ross: Hey guys, does anybody know a good date place in the 他没用暗示
neighborhood? 回你的住处?你想
Joey: How about Tony's? If you can finish a 32-ounce steak, it's 我不知道…
free. 我希望…
Ross: OK, ahem, hey, does anybody know a good place if you're not 告诉你，那猴子是魅力十足
dating a puma? 她看见它那毛绒绒可爱的小脸
Chandler: Who are you going out with? 然后一切就搞定
Phoebe: Oh, is this the bug lady? 希莉亚，别担心，别叫
Rachel: (trying to sound like a bug) Bzzzz.... I love you, Ross. 它不会伤害你的用安抚的语调
Ross: Her name is Celia. She's not a bug lady. She's curator of 抱歉…它不会伤害你的
insects at the museum. 来…要来一些吗?
Rachel: So what are you guys going to do? 我受不了了
Ross: Oh, I just thought we could go out to dinner, and then 它的爪子....
maybe bring her back to my place and I'd introduce her to my 乖..
monkey. 试试这鲑鱼慕斯
Chandler: And he's not speaking metaphorically. 好吃
Joey: (aside to Ross) So.... back to your place...you thinking, 比其他的鲑鱼慕斯好吃?
maybe... (gestures with hands, back and forth) huh-huh? 更滑更柔
Ross: Well, I don't know.... (gestures) huh-huh.... but I'm 是吗?更好?
hoping (gestures) huh-huh. 我不知道我们在谈一条搅成泡沫的鱼
Joey: I'm telling you, that monkey is a chick magnet! She's going 我能不吐出来就已经不错了
to take one look at his furry, cute little face and it'll seal 天啊，你怎么了?
the deal. 8个半小时的性向测验
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Marcel is hanging from Celia's hair, 智力测验，个性测验
and she is screaming, trying to get him off.] 我了解什么?
Ross: Celia, don't worry! Don't scream! He's not going to 你适合在大型跨国公司
hurt you! Soothing tones, Celia. Soothing tones! Marcel... 资料处理部门方面发展
Celia: I can't stand this! He's got his claws in my... 这太好了
Ross: Alright... (lifts Marcel away) 因为你已知道该如何做
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is there but Ross and 你们能相信吗?
Chandler. Monica is making food, and having everyone try it.] 我不像是做那种酷工作的人吗?
Monica: (to Joey) OK, try this salmon mousse. 我总是想像自己能做点不同的
Joey: (tasting) Mmmm. Good. 钱德，我知道
Monica: Is it better than the other salmon mousse? 你可以透过你的衬衫
Joey: It's creamier. 看自己的乳头
Monica: Yeah, well, is that better? 来，这个或许能让你开心点
Joey: I don't know. We're talking about whipped fish, Monica. I'm 5小时前我吃了一颗葡萄
just happy I'm keeping it down, y'know? 所以我最好该和你平分
(Chandler kicks the door closed, angrily. His clothes are askew, 它本来就应该那么叫
he looks beat.) 这是前开胃菜
Rachel: My God! What happened to you? 法国人称它为”阿姆兹布许”
Chandler: Eight and a half hours of aptitude tests, intelligence 这简直是太神奇了
tests, personality tests... and what do I learn? (he taps the 温蒂，对，八点
results and reads them) "You are ideally suited for a career in 我们不是说过吗?每小时十块
data processing for a large multinational corporation." 很好，再见了
Phoebe: That's so great! 'Cause you already know how to do that! 什么每小时十块?
Chandler: Can you believe it? I mean, don't I seem like somebody 我请餐厅里的女服务生帮忙
who should be doing something really cool? You know, I just 服务生?
always pictured myself doing something...something. 当然我考虑过你
Rachel: (comes up and rubs him on the chest) Oh Chandler, I know, 但...
I know... oh, hey! You can see your nipples through this shirt! 但是…
Monica: (brings a plate of tiny appetizers over) Here you go, 但是什么?
maybe this'll cheer you up. 但是这一次绝对不能出错
Chandler: Ooh, you know, I had a grape about five hours ago, so 温蒂的经验丰富
I'd better split this with you. 她是个职业的服务生
Monica: It's supposed to be that small. It's a pre-appetizer. The 我懂了
French call it an amouz-bouche. 我应该继续保持业余的姿态
Chandler: (tastes it) Well.... it is amouz-ing... 将来才能在奥运会上当服务生
(Phone rings. Monica answers it.) 我不想自吹自擂
Monica: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Oh, hi Wendy! (Listens) Yeah, 但我在76年的因斯布鲁克当过服务生
eight o'clock. (Listens) What did we say? Ten dollars an hour?... 阿姆兹布许
(Listens) OK, great. (Listens) All right, I'll see you then. Bye. 对我说话
(hangs up) 早上我坐地铁时
Phoebe: Ten dollars an hour for what? 发生了一件诡异的事
Monica: Oh, I asked one of the waitresses at work if she'd help 不…说狠亵的话
me out. 这里？
Rachel: (hurt) Waitressing? 对
Joey: Uh-oh. 快，说点火辣的
Monica: Well... of course I thought of you! But... but... 什么?
Rachel: But, but? 什么?
Monica: But, you see, it's just... this night has to go just 外阴
perfect, you know? And, well, Wendy's more of a... professional 外阴?
waitress. 我当时好害怕
Rachel: Oh! I see. And I've sort of been maintaining my amateur 她吓了我一跳
status so that I can waitress in the Olympics. 但并未完全...
Chandler: You know, I don't mean to brag, but I waited tables at 我们以爱抚收场
Innsbruck in '76. (dead silence) Amouz-bouche? (holds out tray) 爱抚?几次?
[Scene: Ross' apartment, Girl, You'll Be A Woman Soon (the 闭嘴，那种感觉好好
original, not that cruddy Urge Overkill version) is playing. Ross 我不是那种讲狠亵话的人
and Celia are kissing passionately.] 有什么了不起
Celia: Talk to me. 你只要说出你想对她如何
Ross: OK.... um, a weird thing happened to me on the train this 或是你想她对你如何
morning... 或是别人想对彼此如何
Celia: No no no. Talk... dirty. 这样吧，对我说吧
Ross: (embarrassed) Wha... what, here? 开什么玩笑
Celia: Yes... 有何不可，快
Ross: Ah.... 只要闭上眼睛告诉我
Celia: Say something..... hot. 现在你想干什么
Ross: (panicked) Er.... um..... 好吧…我在我的住处
Celia: What? 然后呢？
Ross: Um... uh.... vulva. 就这样
Commercial Break 我在我的住处而你不在
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Ross are there, discussing 好吧，讲我来
what happened last night.] 拜托准备好没?听着
Joey: (in disbelief) Vulva? 罗斯你让我欲火焚身
Ross: Alright, I panicked, alright? She took me by surprise. You 我要你舔我
know, but it wasn't a total loss. I mean, we ended up cuddling. 该你了
Joey: (sarcastic) Whoaa!! You cuddled? How many times?? 我看还是算了吧
Ross: Shut up! It was nice. I just... I don't think I'm the 快嘛，你喜欢她吧?
dirty-talking kind of guy, you know? 喜欢
Joey: What's the big deal? You just say what you want to do to 想再见到她吗?
her. Or what you want her to do to you. Or what you think other 当然
people might be doing to each other. I'll tell you what. Just try 如果你无法对我说出狠亵的话
something on me. 你如何对她说呢?
Ross: (deadpan) Please be kidding. 说你想爱抚我的屁股
Joey: Why not? Come on! Just, just close your eyes and tell me 好吧，转过去
what you'd like to be doing right now. 我不想你盯着我看
Ross: OK. (closes eyes) I'm in my apartment... 好吧，我不看，说吧
Joey: ....yeah... what else? 我要...
Ross: That's it. I'm in my apartment, you're not there, we're not 用我的双唇感觉你那光滑的皮肤
having this conversation. (gets up, walks across room) 这就对了，继绩
Joey: (walks to catch up to him) Alright, look, I'll start, OK? 我要用我的舌头…
Ross: Joey, please. 快说啊
Joey: Come on. Come on. Alright, ready, look! (in a low voice) 快说
Oh... Ross.... you get me so hot. I want your lips on me now. 舔遍你的全身直到你颤抖…
Ross: (impressed) Wow. 然后呢？
Joey: Alright, now you say something. 真好笑
Ross: I... ahem... I really don't think so. 你不会相信的没关系，我一向赞成你们
Joey: Come on! You like this woman, right? 交往
Ross: Yeah. 钱德
Joey: You want to see her again, right? 你睡觉时老东家又打电话来
Ross: Sure. 又打来?
Joey: Well if you can't talk dirty to me, how're you going to 一直打...
talk dirty to her? Now tell me you want to caress my butt! 又打来了
Ross: OK, turn around. (Joey looks taken aback) I just don't want 又是他
you staring at me when I'm doing this. 科先生，15楼的情况如何?
Joey: (turning around) Alright, alright. I'm around. Go ahead. 我也想念你
Ross: Ahem... I want.... OK, I want to... feel your... hot, soft 对，偷家里的笔比较不刺激
skin with my lips. 你真慷慨，但这不是钱的问题
Joey: There you go! Keep going. Keep going! 我需要的不只是一份工作
Ross: I, er... 我要的是我真正想要的
(At this point, Chandler walks into the living room from his 这是你稍早提过的年终红利之外的津贴?
bedroom. Ross and Joey both have their backs to him, so they 你的梦想…
don't notice. Chandler sees the situation and remains quiet, 艾尔，我不故意为难你
watching.) 这不是交涉，这叫拒绝
Ross: I want to take my tongue... and... 不，别再讲数字了
(Chandler is completely astounded.) 告诉你，你看错人了
Ross: ....and.... 星期一见
Joey: Say it... say it! 好大
Ross: ...run it all over your body until you're... trembling 比小格间大多了
with... with... 这才像话
(Chandler leans back against the wall and Ross and Joey hear him. 看
Ross and Joey both notice at the same time. They slowly stop, and 你有窗户
then very slowly turn around to see Chandler staring at them.) 没错，还有美丽的风…
Chandler: (smiling)....with?? 看，有人在小便
Ross: (rushing to explain) Funny story! 风景看够了
Joey: You're not going to believe this! 看这个
Chandler: It's OK. It's OK. I was always rooting for you two kids 坐下
to get together. 这个最酷，准备好没?
Joey: Hey Chandler, while you were sleeping that guy from your 好了
old job called again. 海伦，能进来一下吗?
Chandler: Again? 谢谢你，海伦，没事了
Joey: And again, and again, and again... (phone rings, he 最后一次了，我保证
answers) Hello? (hands phone to Chandler) And again. 温蒂，你答应过我
Chandler: (on phone) Hey Mr. Kostelic! How's life on the 温蒂…
fifteenth floor? (Listens) Yeah, I miss you too. (Listens) Yeah, 谁啊
it's a lot less satisfying to steal pens from your own home, you 温蒂丢下我不管
know? (Listens) Well, that's very generous (Listens) er, but 我没服务生了
look, this isn't about the money. I need something that's more 真是太糟糕了
than a job. I need something I can really care about.... 再见
(Listens) And that's on top of the yearly bonus structure you 一小时十元
mentioned earlier? (Listens) Look, Al, Al... I'm not playing 不干
hardball here, OK? This is not a negotiation, this is a 小时十二元
rejection! (Listens) No! No! No, stop saying numbers! I'm telling 我希望可以
you, you've got the wrong guy! You've got the wrong guy! 但我已经计划好去走走
(Listens) I'll see you on Monday! (slams the phone down) 瑞秋
[Scene: Chandler's new window office, he is showing Phoebe 你逃婚之后我一直关心你
around.] 我让你有地方住
Chandler: Well? 如果这样对你仍毫无意义…
Phoebe: (excited) Wow! It's huge! It's so much bigger than the 一小时二十元
cubicle. Oh, this is a cube. 成交
Chandler: Look at this! (he opens the curtain to a view of New 欢迎光临，我能拿你的外套吗?
York City) 史帝头
Phoebe: Oh! You have a window! 摩妮卡，招待小姐
Chandler: Yes indeedy! (they look outside) With a beautiful view 她叫瑞秋
of... 味道好香
Phoebe: Oh look! That guy's peeing! 我早已忘记这种…香味
Chandler: (walks away from window) OK, that's enough of the view. 这房子真漂亮
Check this out, look at this. Sit down, sit down. 谢谢，想参观一下吗?
Phoebe: (sitting) OK. 我只是客套一下
Chandler: This is great! (he presses a button on his intercom) 但,好吧
Helen, could you come in here for a moment? 怎么了?
(An unamused woman walks into the office.) 他坐计程车来时燃了一根草
Chandler: Thank you Helen, that'll be all. 什么?
(She leaves, obviously perturbed.) 抽了一根大麻…
Chandler: Last time I do that, I promise. 好了，我懂
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is on the phone. Rachel walks 我知道了
in and overhears the conversation.] 这里很干燥吗?
Monica: (shouting on phone) Wendy, we had a deal! (Listens) Yeah, 我来为你倒杯酒
you promised! Wendy! Wendy! Wendy! (hangs up) 我们可以上第一道菜了
Rachel: Who was that? 这些是石虾小方饺
Monica: Wendy bailed. I have no waitress. 芫萎调味酱加上一点点…
Rachel: Oh... that's too bad. Bye bye. (she walks away towards 碎姜
the door) 打我屁股叫我芙蒂
Monica: Ten dollars an hour. 真是太好吃了
Rachel: No. 我真高兴你喜欢
Monica: Twelve dollars an hour. 喜欢?我可以吃下上百个
Rachel: Mon. I wish I could, but I've made plans to walk around. 只有这一些
Monica: You know, Rachel, when you ran out of your wedding, I was 但再过8分半钟
there for you. I put a roof over your head, and if that means 我们就会献上美味的洋葱馅饼
nothing to you... (Rachel isn't buying it, desperate) twenty 馅饼...
dollars an hour. 文字都已失去意义
Rachel: Done. 请问需要任何帮忙吗?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, later. Rachel is waitressing, Monica 我也不知道自己在找什么
is cooking. Phoebe walks in with Steve ( Crystal Duck winner Jon 酷，墨西哥馅饼
Lovitz).] 这个就像是玉米卷
Rachel: Well hello! Welcome to Monica's. May I take your coat? 你不该影响食欲
Monica: Hi Steve! 糖欧
Steve: Hello, Monica. (to Rachel) Hello, greeter girl. 再等6分钟半
Monica: (to Steve) This is Rachel. 干酪通心面
Steve: (unconcerned) Yeah, OK. 我们一定要做这个
Phoebe: (overemphasizing) Mmmmmm! Everything smells so delicious! 不，我们不做
You know, I can't remember a time I smelt such a delicious 抱歉
combination of (Monica signals her to stop) of, OK, smells. 我们何不坐这儿
Steve: It's a lovely apartment. 小熊软糖给我
Monica: Oh, thank you. Would you like a tour? 不
Steve: I was just being polite, but, alright. 给我
(They leave on the tour and Rachel goes to follow them but Phoebe 好吧，分你一半
stops her and drags her into the kitchen.) 不
Rachel: What's up? 小熊给我
Phoebe: (whispers) In the cab, on the way over, Steve blazed up a 你不能抢走
doobie. 不，给我
Rachel: What? 不
Phoebe: Smoked a joint? You know, lit a bone? Weed? Hemp? Ganja? 小熊落水了，他们快淹死了
Rachel: OK, OK. I'm with you, Cheech. OK. 抓住糖欧逃命啊
Steve: (from the living room) Is it dry in here? (licks his lips) 救命啊....我淹水了
Rachel: Let me, let me get you some wine! 我受够了，晚餐结束
Monica: Yeah, I think we're ready for our first course. (Steve 什么？什么？
sits, Monica brings over a tray) OK, um, these are rot-shrimp 为什么?为什么?
ravioli, and celantro pondou sauce... (Steve starts to eat them 这机会我已等了七年
one by one, quickly)... with just a touch of mints... and... (he 而你却等不了四分半钟之后
finishes)... ginger. 再吃洋葱馅饼
Steve: Well, smack my ass and call me Judy! These are fantastic! 真是个王八蛋
Monica: I'm so glad you liked them! 你不会想为那种人工作的
Steve: Like 'em? I could eat a hundred of them! 我知道
Monica: Oh, well... um, that's all there are of these. But in 我以为我的机会来了
about eight and a half minutes, we'll be serving some delicious 你会成功的
onion tartlets. 你是个了不起的厨师
Steve: Tartlets. Tartlets. Tartlets. The word has lost all 记得那些赞美的声音?
meaning. (he gets up and goes into the kitchen) 我不是装的
Rachel: Excuse me? Can I help you with anything? 和希莉亚的状况如何?
Steve: You know, I don't know what I'm looking for. 我简直是太神了
(Rachel tries to get Monica's attention to tell her Steve is 干得好
stoned. She pretends to drag on a joint, and Monica thinks she's 我就像是詹姆斯密奇尼一样满口狠亵的
giving her the 'OK' signal. Then Rachel does it again, inhaling 话
deeply this time. Monica waves it off as though she doesn't 天下最具巧思的狠亵话
believe it.) 有人物，剧情，主题
Steve: (from kitchen) Ah, cool! Taco shells! (Rachel motions, 其中一段的主角是村夫与村姑
"You see!") You know, these are... they're like a little corn 然后呢?
envelope. 狠亵话讲完后已经很晚了
Monica: (joining him and taking the taco shells) You know that? 而且我们也已精疲力竭所以…
You don't want to spoil your appetite. 你们爱抚？
Steve: (looking in cabinets) Hey! Sugar-O's! (grabs the cereal 那种感觉好好
box) 你们想看晚场电影吗？
Monica: You know, if you just wait another... six and a half 好
minutes... 或许吧，但我们不是该等钱德？
Steve: Macaroni and cheese! We gotta make this! 他到底跑哪儿去了?
Monica: No, we don't. (reaches for box) 对，法兰，我知道现在几点
Steve: Oh, OK. (he drops the box on the floor) Oh, sorry. (When 但我看着WENUS而且我相当不高兴
she bends down to pick it up he grabs a package of Gummi-bears 真的?告诉你吧
from the cabinet.) 你会在乎的，因为我在乎
Monica: Why don't you just have a seat here? (he sits at the 懂吗?很好
table, then tries to secretly eat the Gummi-bears. Monica spots 这样如何?
him.) OK... give me the Gummi-bears. 不好意思,这边那?
Steve: (childishly) No. 明白拉,这就说明有效果了.
Monica: Give them to me. 痛不痛?
Steve: Alright, we'll share. 不痛.
Monica: No, give me the... 这样呢?
Steve: Well then you can't have any. (she grabs for the package, Aaaaahhh!!
and it breaks open. Gummi-bears fly everywhere, some into the 爽啦!
punch bowl on the table.) Bear overboard! I think he's drowning. 爽呆了!!
(he throws some Sugar-O's into the punch bowl) Hey fellows! Grab
on a Sugar-O... save yourself! (Mimicking the bears) "Help! I'm
drowning! Help!"
Monica: (furious) That's it! Dinner is over!
Steve: What?
Monica: What?
Steve: Why?
Monica: Why? It's just that I've waited seven years for an
opportunity like this, and you can't even wait four and a half
minutes for a stupid onion tartlet?
(The oven goes off.)
Steve: (excited) Hey!
[Scene: Central Perk, all are there except Chandler.]
Joey: What a tool!
Rachel: You don't want to work for a guy like that.
Ross: Yeah!
Monica: I know... it's just... I thought this was, you know...
it.
Ross: Look, you'll get there. You're an amazing chef.
Phoebe: Yeah! You know all those yummy noises? I wasn't faking.
(Ross gets up and goes over to the counter and Joey follows him.)
Joey: (to Ross) So, er... how did it go with Celia?
Ross: Oh, I was unbelievable.
Joey: All right, Ross!
Ross: I was the James Michener of dirty talk. It was the most
elaborate filth you have ever heard. I mean, there were
characters, plot lines, themes, a motif... at one point there
were villagers.
Joey: Whoa! And the... (gestures with hands) huh-huh?
Ross: Well, ahem... you know, by the time we'd finished with all
the dirty talk, it was kinda late... and we were both kind of
exhausted, so uh...
Joey: You cuddled.
Ross: Yeah, which was nice.
Phoebe: You guys wanna try and catch a late movie or something?
Rachel: Maybe, but shouldn't we wait for Chandler?
Joey: Yeah, where the hell is he?
[Scene: Chandler's office, he's on the phone, agitated.]
Chandler: (on phone) Yes, Fran. I know what time it is, but I'm
looking at the WENUS and I'm not happy!... (Listens) Oh, really,
really, really? Well, let me tell you something... you will care
about it, because I care about it! You got it? Good! (slams phone
down, then leans back and realizes what just happened)
Whooooaaaa....
Closing Credits
[Scene: Phoebe's massage parlour, she has Steve on the table, and
is giving him an extra-painful massage.]
Phoebe: How's this? (presses down hard)
Steve: Eeeee!
Phoebe: Sorry. How about over here? (presses down hard again)
Steve: Aaaaah!
Phoebe: See, that just means it's working. Does this hurt?
(presses down elsewhere)
Steve: No.
Phoebe: What about this? (she starts using her elbows on his
back, he yells in pain)
Steve: Aaaaahhh!!
Phoebe: There you go! (She continues to work him over with her
elbows and he continues to yell in pain.)
End

116 The One With Two Parts, part 1

116 The One With Two Parts, part 1 116 双胞胎两部曲（一）

[Scene: Rift’s Restaurant, as seen in Mad About You, Joey and

Chandler are there.]
Chandler: This is unbelievable. It’s been like a half an hour. 真是令人难以置信
If this was a cartoon, you’d be looking like a ham right about 已过了半个小时
now. 如果这是卡通
(Ursula Buffay, Phoebe’s identical twin sister, is waiting on 你应该看起来像火腿一样
tables in her inimitable manner.) 女侍在那儿
Joey: There’s the waitress. Excuse me, Miss. Hello, Miss? 抱歉，小姐…等等
(Ursula spins around looking puzzled, quite unable to tell where 是菲比!
the sound is coming from.) 嗨
Chandler: It’s Phoebe! Hi! 好的。就这样了？
(Ursula notices Joey waving his hand, and comes over.) 等等，你来这儿干什么?
Ursula: Hi. Okay, will that be all? 我在那儿你叫我来
Chandler: Wait, wait! Wh-what are you doing here? 所以我就来了
Ursula: Yeah, um, I was over there, then you said, "Excuse me, 不，你怎么会在这儿工作?
hello Miss," so now I’m here. 因为这儿离我的住处很近
Joey: No, no... how come you are working here? 而且围裙也很漂亮
Ursula: Right, yeah, ’cause its close to where I live, and the 可以重来吗?
aprons are really cute. 没问题。那我现在到那边去。
Chandler: Can we start over? 不不不……
Ursula: Yeah. Okay great. I’m gonna be over here. (She wanders 我不知道它在考验我还是在发泄情绪
away.) 我的猴子已失去控制
Chandler & Joey: No, no, no! 它不断消除我答录机上的留言
Opening Credits 应该是个意外
[Scene: A wintry February day in New York City, snowplows are 我做过这种事
clearing the streets. Inside Central Perk, all three girls are 它连续三天在我看报纸前
paying court to Ross.] 在猜字游戏上尿尿
Ross: I don’t know whether he’s testing me, or just acting out, 这我没做过
but my monkey is out of control. But, he keeps erasing the 看着她
messages on my machine, "supposedly" by accident. 告诉我她和她姐长得不一样
Rachel: No, yeah, I’ve done that. 我看到不同之处
Ross: And then, like three days in a row he got to the newspaper 她们是双胞胎
before I did, and peed all over the crossword. 我不管，菲比是菲比
Rachel: I’ve never done that. 乌苏拉很火辣
(Outside in the street, Joey and Chandler arrive, to peer through 我们不是常谈论事情吗?
the window at Phoebe, by bending down to look underneath the 当然
shop’s sign—a large steaming cup of coffee.) 咱们别再干那事了
Chandler: All right, now look at her and tell me she doesn’t 嗨~
look exactly like her sister. 菲比，猜我们今天遇见谁?
Joey: I’m sayin’ I see a difference. 哦！有趣有趣！嗯……
Chandler: They’re twins! 连恩尼逊
Joey: I don’t care. Phoebe’s Phoebe. Ursula’s... hot! 不是
(Joey and Chandler come indoors.) Morly Safer
Chandler: You know that thing, when you and I talk to each other 不是
about things? 剪我头发的女人
Joey: Yeah. 你们到底要猜多久?
Chandler: Let’s not do that any more. 你姐姐，乌苏拉
(They hang up their coats and scarves, then approach their 哦，真的……
friends on the main sofa.) 她在那儿工作…瑞菲餐厅
All: Hey guys! Hey! 我知道
Joey: Hey Pheebs, guess who we saw today. 你知道?
Phoebe: Ooh, ooh, fun! Okay... um, Liam Neeson. 因为她说你们已多年不说话
Joey: Nope. 对
Phoebe: Morly Safer. 她胖吗?
Joey: Nope. 从我的角度看不会
Phoebe: The woman who cuts my hair! 你从什么角度?
Monica: Okay, look, this could be a really long game. 菲比，你们合不来?
Chandler: Your sister Ursula. 这只是姐妹之间的事
Phoebe: (Her face dropping) Oh, really. 大家都认为她是漂亮的一个
Chandler: Yeah, yeah, she works over at that place, uh... 她先学会走路
Phoebe: Rift’s. Yeah, I know. 虽然我是在当天稍后学会的
Chandler: Oh, you do? Because she said you guys haven’t talked 对我爸妈而言那已经不新鲜了
in like years. 菲比，抱歉，我得走了
Phoebe: Hmmm? Yeah. So, um, is she fat? 我得去参加心理助产班
Joey: Not from where I was standin’. 我得去参加地球科学班
Phoebe: (Turning to Chandler) where were you standing? 健身房见了
Rachel: Um, Pheebs, so, you guys just don’t get along? 你和卡萝两人去?
Phoebe: It’s mostly just dumb sister stuff, you know, I mean, 不，苏珊也要去
like, everyone always thought of her as the pretty one, you 那有爸爸，女同志…全部的父母都会到
know... Oh, oh, she was the first one to start walking, even 这样不是会很奇怪?
though I did it... later that same day. But, to my parents, by 不会的，一开始或许会
then it was like "yeah, right, well what else is new?" 但现在我已坦然面对
Ross: Oh, Pheebs, I’m sorry, I’ve got to go. I’ve got Lamaze 罗斯，那是我的外套
class. 我知道
Chandler: Oh, and I’ve got Earth Science, but I'll catch you in 大家好，我们姓罗，我是洁西他叫麦可
Gym. 我们有一男一女
Rachel: So, is this just gonna be you and Carol? 厉害，下一位
Ross: No, Susan’s gonna be there too. We’ve got dads, we’ve 我叫罗斯
got lesbians, the whole parenting team. 我儿子在那儿
Rachel: Well, isn’t, isn’t that gonna be weird? 她叫卡罗，这位是苏珊
Ross: No, no. (Distractedly putting on a jacket to go out) I 苏珊是卡罗的…
mean, it mighta been at first, but by now I, I think I’m pretty 下一位是谁?
comfortable with the whole situation. 抱歉，我不太明白。苏珊是…
Monica: Ross, that’s my jacket. 苏珊是卡萝的朋友
Ross: I know. 好象拍档，好象伙伴
(Rachel grins as Ross removes the girlie jacket, grabs his own, 好象恋人
and rushes out.) 你知道女人能有多亲近的
[Scene: The Lamaze class, several couples and one trio sit on the 我和苏珊住在一起
floor, introducing themselves to the teacher, who’s got as far 尽管我们两个结过婚
as a woman sitting next to Ross, Carol, and Susan.] 卡萝，不是我
Woman: Hi, we’re the Rostins. Err, I’m J.C., and he’s Michael, 有点复杂了
and we’re having a boy, and a girl. 有一点
Teacher: Good for you. Alrighty, next? 我们还好
Ross: Hi, um, I’m err, (has to clear his throat) I’m Ross 完全不错
Geller, and err ah... (pats Carol’s bulge) ..that’s, that’s my 双胞胎？好像要生两次哦
boy in there, and uh, (points) this is Carol Willick, and this... 噢
is Susan Bunch. Susan is um Carol’s, just, com... (embarrassment 彼此，海伦
finally overwhelms the poor fellow, who becomes incoherent until) 妮娜要见你
..who’s next? 好的，让她进来
Teacher: I’m sorry, I didn’t get... Susan is? 嗨！
Ross: Susan is Carol’s, Carol’s, Carol’s, friend... 妮娜！进来
Carol: Life partner. 你想见我?
Ross: Like buddies. 对，我刚看过你的资料
Susan: Like lovers. 有个小问题
Ross: You know how close women can get. 你一直填迟你周五数字的日期
(The teacher smiles, but her eyebrows go up. Susan and Carol pat 这样很不好
each other affectionately.) 因为…
Carol: Susan and I live together. 这样使我的WENUS出现问题
Ross: Although I was married to her. 什么？
Susan: Carol, not me. WENUS
Ross: Err, right. 每周估计净值使用统计……
Carol: It’s a little complicated. 净值使用统计…对
Ross: A little. 明白了！
Susan: But we’re fine. 我懂，不会再发生了
Ross: Absolutely. (Turns back to the woman next to him.) So, 我不会做任何事伤害你的…WENUS
twins... hah! That’s like two births. (He struggles again.) 这不是她漂不漂亮的问题
Ouch. 这是…她真的真的很漂亮
[Scene : Chandler's Office, Chandler is working.] 都一样，兔子不吃窝边草
(Helen’s buzzer is heard on the intercom, so Chandler presses 罗斯, 你的小动物又在玩遥控器了
his button, too.) 马修，遥控器给罗斯
Chandler: And (he imitates the buzzer) to you too, Helen. 马修，你现在就把遥控器给罗斯
Helen: (Over the intercom) Nina Bookbinder is here to see you. 马修，遥控器给罗斯
Chandler: Oh, okay. Send her in. 这下可好
(He hurriedly checks his hair in his computer screen, before 别急，我会修好的
taking a sporting trophy from a drawer to place ostentatiously on 酷！
his desk. An attractive young woman opens the door.) Urkel在西班牙文中叫"Urkel"！
Nina: Hi. 它是怎么办到的?
Chandler: Hi, Nina. Come on in. 你让圣诞灯一直开着是想让我们
Nina: You wanted to see me? “快乐”一整年计划中的一部分?
Chandler: Uh, Yes. Yes. I’ve just been going over your data 不，某人应该在新年期间把它拿下
here, and little thing, you’ve been post-dating your Friday 但她显然是忘了
numbers. 某人应该写“瑞秋，拿下圣诞灯”
Nina: Which is bad, because? 然后贴在冰…
Chandler: Well, it throws my WENUS out of whack. 在这儿多久了?
Nina: Your... excuse me? 你上哪儿去了?
Chandler: WENUS. (Coughs) Weekly Estimated Net... 我到瑞佛餐厅去了
Nina: Oh, Net Usage Statistics, right. Gotcha, gotcha. Won’t 我想乌苏拉喜欢我 我只点咖啡
happen again. I wouldn’t want to do anything to hurt your... 她却端给我鲔鱼和四盘的薯片
"wenus." 有门了
(Nina beams flirtatiously at Chandler, who catches her drift, but 她好带劲儿
for once he’s lost for something to say – so she nods her 好的，不过听着
head to tell him that he’s thinking correctly...) 在你做一些乔伊风格的事情前，或许你
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Chandler, and the girls are 可以找…
dividing some Chinese takeout, while the sitcom Family Matters is 菲比
playing on the TV.] 菲比，我约你姐出去你会介意吗?
Chandler: It’s not just that she’s cute, okay. It’s just 为什么?你为何要那样做?
that... she’s really really cute. 因为如果我去约会时她就会在我身边
Ross: It doesn’t matter. You don’t dip your pen in the company 我的意思是，我不是她
ink. 呃……
(Marcel scampers about, interfering with the neatness.) 没错，我们曾待在同一颗卵子
Monica: Ross, your little creature’s got the remote again. 但我们各自发育
Ross: Marcel, Marcel, give Rossie the remote. Marcel. Marcel, you 我不知道…有何不可?
give Rossie the remote right now... Marce... you give Rossie the 谢啦
remote... 你还好吧
(Marcel points the remote at Monica’s television, pressing a 还好
particular combination of keys. The logo SAP appears on the 你还要继续看?
screen, and suddenly the dialogue is dubbed into Spanish.) 抱歉，我迟到了
Monica: Great. 卡萝在哪儿?
Ross: Relax, I’ll fix it. 学校有事，老师和家长间的事
Rachel: (Looking at the television) Cool... "Urkel" in Spanish is 你可以走了，我留下来上课
"Urkel." 不…我应该留下来
Ross: (looking at the remote) How did he do this? 我们两个都该知道这事情是怎么样的
Chandler: (Looking out at the balcony) So tell me something, is 很好，一定会很有意思的
leaving the Christmas lights up part of your plan to keep us 首先是第三阶段基本呼吸练习
merry all year long? 各位妈妈请躺下
(Rachel slowly spins around, finally noticing that the lights 教练们支撑妈妈们的头
have outstayed their welcome.) 什么?什么?什么?
Monica: Ah no, you see, someone was supposed to take them down 我该当妈?
around New Year’s... but obviously someone forgot. 好吧，我再打一次精子牌
Rachel: Well, someone was supposed to write "Rach, take down the 我不懂为什么只因我是个女人
lights" and put it on the re... frigerate... (finally noticing 我就得错过教练训练
Monica’s note stuck to the refrigerator) How long has that been 了解，你说该怎么办?
there? 掷铜板
(Joey enters, looking extremely pleased with himself.) 掷铜板?不…头…
Chandler: Hey, where you been? 躺下吧，妈
Joey: I went back to Riff’s. I think Ursula likes me. All I 各位妈妈们，请深呼吸
ordered was coffee, she brought me a tuna melt and four plates of 很好，现在请想像你的阴道
curly fries. 像花一样绽放着
Chandler: Score. 迪先生，如何?
Joey: She is so hot! 好多了
Chandler: Yeah, listen. Okay, before you do anything Joey-like, 年度净值已经算出来了
you might wanna run it by err... (he indicates Phoebe, who is 然后呢?
helping Ross understand the remote control.) 奇惨无此
Joey: Pheebs? 70年代之后没这么惨过
Phoebe: (Jumping up) Yeah? 这代表什么?
Joey: You think it would be okay if I asked out your sister? 每个部门都得裁员
Phoebe: Why? Why would you wanna... do that? Why? 听着，虽然我上星期迟到
Joey: So that if we went out on a date, she’d be there. 我那天睡姿不良把头发睡塌……
Phoebe: Well, I mean, I’m not my sister’s, you know, whatever, 不是你，放松
and um... I mean, it’s true, we were one egg, once, but err, you 曾经开除某人吗?
know, we’ve grown apart, so, um... I don’t know, why not? Okay. 妮娜
Joey: Cool, thanks. 你没事吧
(He happily gestures at Chandler that there was nothing to worry 当然
about, then exits. Rachel and Monica are concerned for poor 我今天叫你进来的原因…请别恨我
Phoebe, who slides back down next to Ross.) 怎么了?
Ross: You okay? 能约你共进晚餐吗?
Phoebe: Yeah I’m fine. 菲比，你想要什么生日礼物?
Ross: You wanna watch Laverne y Shirley? 我想要我妈复活和我共享人生
(The sitcom begins with its familiar refrain, yet with a Latin 好吧
lilt. Rachel and Monica do a little dance with their chopsticks, 这样吧
and Phoebe has to grin as Ross joins in the rhythm.) 想不想要“艾芙琳”的产品?
[Scene: Lamaze class. Susan is there. Each couple has a doll, for 我想要浴盐
they have just finished learning how to change a diaper. As Ross 好
rushes in, stepping on the Rostins’ pretend baby, squashing its 这是什么地方?
head flat. It bleats, in protest. He performs emergency surgery, 你很冷，我想尿尿，窗户上又有个咖啡
then hands the doll back to J.C.] 杯
Ross: Sorry. 你就将就一点吧
Ross: Hi. Sorry I’m late. Where’s, where’s Carol? 我想我们有答案了
Susan: Stuck at school. Some parent-teacher thing. You can go. 她怎么会在这儿?
I’ll get the information. 老天爷明明就是叫我们回家吃饭嘛
Ross: No... No... No. I think I should stay, I think we should 她被瑞佛餐厅开除?
both know what’s going on. 不，昨晚我们还在那儿吃饭
Susan: Oh, good. This’ll be fun. 她不断端来剑鱼
Teacher: Alrighty. We’re gonna start with some basic third stage 你要去…
breathing exercises, so Mummies, why don’t you get on your back? 不，点完之后再去
And... coaches, you should be supporting Mummy’s head. 是她吧?
(Ross and Susan each gesture for the other to lie down.) 看起来像她
Ross and Susan: What? What? What? 抱歉?是我们
Susan: I am supposed to be the mommy? 好呀,是我
Ross: Okay, I’m gonna play my sperm card one more time. 你也在这儿?
Susan: Look, I don’t see why I should have to miss out on the 和你们一样
coaching training just because I’m a woman. 该你了
Ross: I see. So what do you propose to do? 我们知道我们要什么
Susan: I will flip you for it. 很好
Ross: Flip me for it? No, no, no... heads, heads, heads! 我们要两杯拿铁还有小饼干
Susan: (Triumphantly) On your back... Mom. 不错的选择
(Ross gets down like all the other mothers, cradled in Susan’s 绝对是她
lap like all the other fathers.) 我真不敢相信
Teacher: Alright, Mommies, take a nice deep cleansing breath. 你还没告诉她她失业了?
(Forgetting herself, Susan does the "Mommy" action with Ross.) 你还没把圣诞灯拿下来
Teacher: Good. Now imagine your vagina is opening like a flower. 恭禧你
(Ross comes out of character to glare into the distance.) 你发现了世上最薄弱的争论
[Scene: Chandler's Office. Chandler is playing with a toy as his 我只是在寻找适当的时机
boss Mr. Douglas knocks and opens the door.] 应该不会太难找到
Chandler: Mr. D, how’s it going, sir? 因为你们已开始约会
Mr. Douglas: Ohh, it’s been better. The Annual Net Usage 亲爱的，你被开除了
Statistics are in. 我上班前何不来个“速战速决”？
Chandler: And? 嗨
Mr. Douglas: It’s pretty ugly. We haven’t seen an ANUS this bad 进门后就不用再敲门了
since the seventies. 我来开
Chandler: So what does this mean? Heckles先生
Mr. Douglas: Well, we’re gonna be layin’ off people in every 你们又这么做了
department. 我们什么都没做
Chandler: Hey, listen, I know I came in late last week, but I 我们只是坐在这儿静静地聊天
slept funny, and my hair was very very – 我可以透过天花板听见
Mr. Douglas: Not you. Relax. Ever have to fire anyone? 我的猫睡不着
[Scene: Chandler's Office, later that day, Nina is in his 你根本没养猫
office.] 我原本有机会养
Chandler: Nina? Nina. (He goes around his desk to where she is 再见了，Heckles先生
sitting.) Nina. (In pain) Nina. 我们会很小声的
(She sympathetically reaches out to fondle the inner thigh of his 菲比，帮我个忙吗?
left leg.) 能试穿看看吗?我想知道合不合身?
Nina: Are you okay? 我的第一件生日礼物
Chandler: (Looking down at her hand) Yes, yes I am. Err, listen, 这衣服真…
the reason that I called you in here today was, err... please 不，是送乌苏拉的
don’t hate me. 我想知道尺寸
Nina: (Taking her hand away) What? 好呀
Chandler: (Suddenly bright) Would you like to have dinner 合身
sometime? 你今晚又和她约会?
(Nina gasps in surprise and relief.) 对，去看花样溜冰
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is at the counter, serving coffee to 这回你是来真的
Phoebe.] 没想到你会为任何花式玩意儿付钱
Rachel: So Pheebs, what do you want for your birthday? 我也不知道，我喜欢她
Phoebe: Well, what I really want is for my mom to be alive and 她与众不同，她有…
enjoy it with me. 你喜欢?我们懂
Rachel: Okay... Let me put it this way. Anything from Crabtree 你喜欢她，太好了
and Evelyn? 菲比，我问过你而你也同意了
Phoebe: Ooh! Bath salts would be nice. 也许现在不同意了
Rachel: Ooh, okay... good. 也许我对于你的不同意也不同意了
(Jamie Buchman and Fran Devanow enter the coffee house. They look 好吧！
about them as Jamie removes her coat and scarf.) 快织，快织！好女人
Jamie: What is this place? 克莱斯勒大楼就在那儿
Fran: Look, you’re cold, I have to pee, and... (indicating the 妮娜
sign) ..there’s a cup of coffee on the window. How bad could it Douglas先生
be? 不错的领带！
(Jamie notices Phoebe sitting at the counter.) 她还在这里?
Jamie: I think we have an answer. 没错,她还在
Fran: What’s she doing here? 我没通知你吗?
Jamie: This could be God’s way of telling us to eat at home. 我开除她后,接到她心理医生的电话
Fran: Think she got fired at Riff’s? 佛…佛林大夫
Jamie: No, no, no. We were there last night. She kept... 他说她一时无法适应
(shuddering at the memory) ..bringing swordfish. (Indicating the 老实说他提到“狂暴”这两个字
ladies’ bathroom) are you gonna go to the, um? 她?开什么玩笑?她…
Fran: I’m gonna wait till after we order. It’s her, right. 不，妮娜?她…
Jamie: It looks like her. 如果你现在问她
(Phoebe walks by, ignoring the two strangers.) 她根本记不得被开除这件事
Jamie: Um, excuse me. 难以置信
Phoebe: Yeah? 你不得不信
Jamie: Hi, it’s us. 因此我决定暂时不再开除她
Phoebe: (Smiling blankly) Right, and it’s me. 直到我确定她对自己或其他人不构成威
Jamie: So, so you’re here too? 胁为止
Phoebe: Much as you are. 我了解
Jamie: (Without moving her lips) Your turn. 人的心中在想什么
Fran: Err... we know what we want. 别人永远无法完全了解
Phoebe: (Philosophically) Oh, that’s good. 所以会有心理学的产生
Jamie: All we want is two Caffe Lattes. 爸妈永远忘不了这声音
Fran: And some biscotti cookies. 这是生产的奇迹
Phoebe: Good choice. 请开灯
(Phoebe turns away so that the two weird women won’t see the 这一集是生宝宝
face she pulls, and sits down.) 下周是我们的最后一堂课
Jamie: Definitely her. 苏珊，准备接球
Fran: Yeah. 这根本不可能…
Commercial break 怎么了?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel’s, Phoebe is watching a Spanish 我不做那女人做的事
version of The Waltons. At a nearby table sit Monica knitting, 我不会这么做的
Rachel winding a ball of wool, and Chandler supplying them both 他得留在我体内一切和原来一样
from a skein which is spread between his hands.] 卡萝，不会有事的
(Phoebe uses the remote to stop the Spanish by turning off the 你怎么知道?
television.) 当然不会有人对你说：
Monica: I can’t believe you. You still haven’t told that girl 这是你的鼻孔吗?
she doesn’t have a job yet? 我能将这肉块穿你的鼻孔吗?
Chandler: Well, you still haven’t taken down the Christmas 卡萝,亲爱的。深呼吸！
lights. 我知道你很惶恐
Monica: Congratulations, I think you’ve found the world’s 往远处想 生产过程只是一天
thinnest argument. 结束后他这辈子都是我们的儿子
Chandler: I’m just trying to find the right moment, you know? 怀胎生子为的不就是这些吗?
Rachel: Oh, well, that shouldn’t be so hard, now that you’re 罗斯?
dating. (Imitating men at their worst) "Sweetheart, you’re 我要当爸爸了
fired, but how ’bout a quickie before I go to work?" 你才刚知道?
(Joey lets himself in, carrying a large paper shopping bag.) 我一直都知道我有个孩子
Joey: Hey. 只是不知道孩子有我
Rachel and Chandler: Hey. 你会是个好爸爸的
(There is a loud knocking at the door through which Joey has just 你怎会知道?
entered.) 我连阻止马修吃浴室垫都办不到
Chandler: You know, once you’re inside, you don’t have to knock 我如何养儿育女?
any more. 罗斯，
Monica: I’ll get it. 科学家说孩子和猴子是不一样的
(She rises, dragging Chandler along by the wool. Rachel has to 哪儿去?
leap over a chair to follow them. Monica opens the door to find 出去
Mr. Heckles standing there.) 和谁?
Monica: Oh. Hi, Mr.Heckles. 是的，你知道
Mr.Heckles: You’re doing it again. 能问你一个问题吗?
Monica: We’re not doing anything. We’re just sitting around 你们有没有...嘛?
talking, quietly. 不关你的事
Mr.Heckles: I can hear you through the ceiling. My cats can’t 没有，行了吗?
sleep. 你是指性吧?
Rachel: You don’t even have cats. 有空吗?
Mr.Heckles: I could have cats. 当然，什么事?
Monica: (Closing the door) Goodbye Mr.Heckles. 我不知道
Rachel: We’ll try to keep it down. 最近大家都避开我
(The wool-bound trio returns to the table. Rachel has to rush 而且以奇怪的眼神看我
ahead to avoid becoming tangled. Joey brings the shopping bag 或许他们在嫉妒我们
over to Phoebe, and takes out a nice cardigan.) 或许吧
Joey: Phoebe, could you do me a favour? Could you try this on? I 这无法解释他们为何拿走我的剪刀
just wanna make sure it fits. 或许是因为你被升职的缘故
Phoebe: Ooh, my first birthday present... (delightedly examining 我被升职了?
the cardigan in her lap) ..oh, this is really... 当然！为什么不会？
Joey: Oh, no no no. It’s for Ursula. I just figured, you know, 天啊，你真是太了不起了
size-wise. 可不是吗
Phoebe: Ohhh... Sure, yeah... (disgustedly dropping the cardigan 海伦，能快处理
back into the bag) ..okay, it fits. 布小姐升职的手续吗?
(The others have been taking all this in.) 你仍要我
Rachel: Are you seein’ her again tonight? 拿她的心理分析结果到人事部?
Joey: Yep. Ice Capades. 什么?
Chandler: Wow, this is serious. I’ve never known you to pay 海伦喝醉了
money for any kind of capade. 你愿意嫁给我吗?
Joey: I don’t know. I like her, you know. She’s different. 最后我把一切都告诉她了
There’s uh, somethin’ about her. 她的反应如何?
Phoebe: That you like, (snappily confronting Joey over the heads 坦然接受
of the knitting circle) we get it. You like her. Great! 除了拿钉书机钉我之外
(The circle freezes in apprehension.) 告诉你们，以后遇见类似的状况
Joey: Hey, Phoebe, I asked you, and you said it was okay. 切记别把手放在桌上
Phoebe: Alright, well, maybe now it’s not okay. 我想我知道该怎么做了
Joey: Okay... Well maybe now I’m not okay with it not being 能把电视关掉吗?
okay. 能把他们弄走吗?我受不了了
Phoebe: Okay. 菲比，他们走了
(An embarrassed silence... finally broken by) 好的
Chandler: Knit, good woman, knit, knit! 你还好吧？
(Monica frantically bursts into action as Rachel resumes winding, 还不是乌苏拉惹的祸
tangling Chandler’s wool.) 菲比，我能问…
他和她约会真有那么糟吗?
对，我不是说她是很坏
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler & Nina are locked in a 她总是给我添乱！
passionate embrace. Someone knocks, so they hurriedly separate to 我8岁时我不给她我的热水壶
stare out of the window. Chandler’s boss opens the door.] 她就把它丢在公车下
Chandler: And that’s the Chrysler Building right there. 然后，有个蓝迪布朗
Mr. Douglas: Nina. 你们有没有过男友身兼好友的情况?
Nina: Mr.Douglas... (flirting defensively) ..cool tie. 没有
(She escapes, fortunately so distracting Mr. Douglas, that he 我当时的状况就是如此
misses Chandler’s expression of alarm & guilt.) 她把他抢走又伤他的心
Mr. Douglas: (Shutting the door, then pointing vaguely at Nina’s 他从此不和我说话
shapely departure) She’s still here. 因为他说他不愿再见像她我们俩之一的
Chandler: Yes, yes she is. Didn’t I memo you on this? See, after 任何人
I let her go, err, I got a call from her psychiatrist, Dr. 噢,菲比
Flanen-nen, Dr. Flanen, Dr. Flan. 我知道乔伊不是我男朋友或者热水壶
(Thinking quickly, Chandler desperately tries to remember 你不会失去他的
anything to do with schizophrenia....) 你得找乔伊谈
Chandler: And err, he informed me that uh, she took the news 好的
rather badly, in fact, he uh, mentioned the word frenzy. 拜托，这些事他全然不知
Mr. Douglas: You’re kidding? She seems so... 如果她了解你的感受……
Chandler: Oh, no, no. Nina... (miming fairies twinkling around …但他爱上她了
his head) ..she is whooo wewee-woo whoo whoo! In fact, if you 拜托，他们才约会一个星期
asked her right now, she would have no recollection of being 根本还没上床，八字都还没一撇呢
fired at all, none at all. 好吧
Mr. Douglas: That’s unbelievable. 哦！好的好的
Chandler: And yet, believable. So I decided not to fire her again 我们能帮你什么忙吗?
until I can be assured that she will be no threat to herself, or 瑞秋，你在干什么?
others. 外面好冷，进来好吗?
Mr. Douglas: I see. I guess you never really know what’s goin’ 不…你要我把灯取下
on inside a person’s head. 我正在做，行吗?
Chandler: Well, I guess that’s why they call it psychology, sir. 天啊，瑞秋!
(Mr. Douglas screws up his eyes, trying to credit what Bing has 我没事…
just said, but turning to follow Nina down the corridor, he Heckles先生…能帮一下忙吗?
realises Bing must be telling the truth, since he would not have 我指的就是这种事儿
any personal interest in the girl, would he?)
[Scene: Lamaze class, Ross is again on the floor, cradled in
Susan’s lap, but now Carol is cradled in his lap, and she has a
pretend baby, on her lap. The teacher is showing her class a
video, which is about to end.]
Soothing male voice: ..a sound Mom and Dad never forget. For this
after all, is the miracle of birth.
Teacher: Lights please? And that’s having a baby. Next week is
our final class.
(People start getting up. Ross grabs Carol’s doll to hold it
upside down like a football, slapping it with his other hand.)
Ross: Susan, go deep.
(Susan just glares back, as Ross’s inappropriate joke falls
flat. Meanwhile, a bubble is about to burst...)
Carol: This is impossible. It’s just impossible.
Susan: What is, honey?
Carol: What that woman... did. I am not doin’ that. It’s just
gonna have to stay in, that’s all, everything will be the same,
it’ll just stay in.
Ross: Carol, honey, shhh, shhh, everything’s gonna be alright.
Carol: (Turning on Ross) OH, WHAT DO YOU KNOW? NO-ONE’S GOING UP
TO YOU AND SAYING, "HI, IS THAT YOUR NOSTRIL? MIND IF WE PUSH
THIS POT ROAST THROUGH IT?"
Susan: Carol, Carol, sweetie. Cleansing breath.
(Both women gulp in air. Ross looks at his "football," then
manipulates the head & limbs back into place, until it resembles
what it represents.)
Susan: I know it’s frightening, but, big picture. The birth part
is just one day, and when it’s over, we’re all gonna be parents
for the rest of our lives.
(Ross is staring blankly into space.)
Susan: I mean, that’s what this is all about, right? Ross? Ross?
[Scene 13: Central Perk, the gang is gathered around Monica
comforting her brother, who in a slight state of shock is
cuddling a cushion for security.]
Ross: I’m gonna be a father.
Rachel: This is just occurring to you?
Ross: I always knew I was havin’ a baby, I just never realised
the baby was having me.
Rachel: (She comforts him too) Oh, you’re gonna be great!
Ross: Aw, how can you say that? I can’t even get Marcel to stop
eating the bath mat. How am I gonna raise a kid?
Chandler: You know, Ross, some scientists are now saying that,
that monkeys and babies are actually different.
(Joey tires of this, so he gets up to leave.)
Phoebe: Where’re you going?
Joey: Out.
Phoebe: With?
Joey: (Spreading his arms wide) Yes.
Phoebe: Alright, could I just ask you one question?
(Joey nods his head.)
Phoebe: Have you two, you know... like... you know... you know...
yet?
Joey: Well, not that it’s any of your business, but, no, we
haven’t, okay?
(Joey walks toward the door, then hesitates and turns back.)
Joey: You meant sex, right?
(Phoebe buttons her lip, while the rest of the gang pretend
they’re not there.)
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler is working as Nina knocks,
then opens the door.]
Nina: Do you have a sec?
Chandler: Ah, sure, Nina. What’s up?
Nina: I don’t know. For the past couple days, people have been
avoiding me and giving me these really strange looks.
Chandler: Oh, well, ah... maybe that’s because they’re ah...
jealous, of us.
Nina: Maybe. But that doesn’t explain why they keep taking my
scissors.
Chandler: Ah, well, maybe that’s, ah, because you’re getting a
big raise.
Nina: I am?
Chandler: Sure, why not?
Nina: Oh my god! (Rushing over to give him a big hug) You’re
amazing!
Chandler: Oh, you don’t know. (Presses a button.) Helen, could
you make sure we put through the paperwork on Miss Bookbinder’s
raise?
Helen: (Over the intercom) So you still want me to send her
psychological profile to Personnel?
Nina: What?
Chandler: Helen drinks. (Insincerely) Will you marry me?
(Nina puts her hands on her hips, then gives Chandler a quizzical
look.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel’s, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, and Phoebe
are sharing a bowl of popcorn, while Monica carefully reads the
instruction manual for her television set.]
Chandler: Well, I ended up telling her everything.
Rachel: Oh, how’d she take it?
Chandler: Pretty well. Except for the stapler thing. (He holds up
a bandaged hand.) Little tip: if you’re ever in a similar
situation, never ever leave your hand... (he mimes Nina taking
her revenge) ..on the desk.
Monica: Okay, I think I get how to do this.
(Monica points the remote at her TV, and punches out a key
combination from the book, but the dreaded SAP logo remains and
Spanish still comes forth.)
Phoebe: Alright, so, can we turn this off? Can we just make it...
make them go away? Because I can’t, I can’t watch.
Monica: (Remotely turning off the television) okay, Pheebs,
they’re gone.
Phoebe: Okay.
Monica: Are you alright?
Phoebe: Yeah. It’s just, you know, it’s this whole stupid
Ursula thing, it’s...
Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, can I ask? So, he’s going out with her. I
mean, is it really so terrible?
Phoebe: Um, yeah. Look, I mean, I’m not saying she’s like evil
or anything. She just, you know, she’s always breaking my stuff.
When I was eight, and I wouldn’t let her have my Judy Jetson
thermos, so she threw it under the bus. And then, oh, and then
there was Randy Brown, who was like... Have you ever had a
boyfriend who was like your best friend?
Monica and Rachel: (Wistfully, shaking their heads) No.
Phoebe: Well, but that’s what he was for me. And she you know,
kind of stole him away, and then... broke his heart... and then
he wouldn’t even talk to me any more. Because he said he didn’t
wanna be around... anything that looked like either one of us.
Rachel: Oh... Oh, Pheebs.
Phoebe: I mean, I know Joey is not my boyfriend, or my thermos,
or anything, but...
Chandler: You’re not gonna lose him.
Monica: Hon, you gotta talk to Joey.
Phoebe: Yeah. Okay.
Ross: No, come on, he doesn’t know this stuff. If he knew how
you felt.
Phoebe: But he’s falling in love with her.
Rachel: Oh please, they’ve been going out a week. They haven’t
even slept together yet, I mean, that’s not serious.
Phoebe: Okay... Okay.
(Monica and Ross indicate that they mean right now.)
Phoebe: Oh, okay, oh.
(Phoebe gets up and walks across the hallway, but the door to
Chandler and Joey’s apartment is shut. She knocks, and anxiously
waits for Joey to come, but instead her identical twin sister
emerges wearing one of Joey’s shirts.)
Ursula: (Surprised) Oh.
(Phoebe reels back in shock, while Ursula defiantly leans against
the doorpost as though she owns the place.)
Ursula: Yeah, um, may we help you?
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, Rachel is taking down the
Christmas lights. Monica sees her, so she leans out of the small
side window.]
Monica: Rachel, what are you doing? It’s freezing out here.
Would you come back inside?
Rachel: No no no no no. You wanted me to take them down, so...
(she climbs onto the railing to reach the top of a pole) ..I’m
takin’ ’em down. Okay? Whoa! (Screams.)
(Rachel slips, loses her balance, and falls over the edge..)
Monica: Oh-my-god Rachel! (Rushing out to look over the edge)
Rachel!
(In the apartment below, Mr.Heckles is trying to relax and read
his newspaper, but Rachel is helplessly dangling upside-down with
her ankle wrapped up in the Christmas lights.)
Rachel: (To Monica) I’m okay! I’m okay! (She knocks on Mr.
Heckles's window.) Mr. Heckles, Mr. Heckles could you help me
please?
Mr.Heckles: See, this is just the kind of thing I was talking
about.
End

117 The One With Two Parts, Part 2

117 The One With Two Parts, Part 2 117 双胞胎两部曲（二）

Opening Credits
[Scene: An Emergency Room, Rachel and Monica enter. Rachel is 小姐~
limping and leaning on Monica for support.] 那是菲比
Rachel: Ow ow ow. Ow ow ow ow. Ow ow ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. 好的，就这样了？
(They reach the desk. The bored nurse thinks she's heard it all 他们是双胞胎
before.) 菲比是菲比，乌苏拉好辣
Monica: Hi. Uh, my friend here was taking down our Christmas 这是给乌苏拉的
lights, and and she fell off the balcony and may have broken her 当然好？ 合身
foot or or ankle or something. 马修？ 遥控器给罗修
Nurse: My god. You still have your Christmas lights up? 他是怎么办到的？
(Rachel glares at the nurse, who gives Monica a form attached to 全是乌苏拉惹的祸
a clipboard.) 他和她约会？有这么糟吗？
Nurse: Fill this out and bring it back to me. 你并不了解我妹妹
(Monica helps Rachel over to a vacant seat.) 你得和乔依谈谈
Rachel: Ow ow ow. Ow ow ow. Ow ow ow. 他爱上她了
(Monica starts on the form, while Rachel catches her breath and 你不会失去他的
massages her ankle.) 他们还没上过床 八字都还没一撇呢
Monica: Okay, ooh, alright. Name, address... Okay, in case of 哦~，需要帮忙吗？
emergency, call? 瑞秋…
Rachel: You. 我没事，我没事~
Monica: Really? 哦哦哦，哦哦哦，哦哦哦~
Rachel: Yeah. 你好
Monica: Oh, that is so sweet. (Touched, she puts an arm around 我朋友取下圣诞灯时，从阳台跌落
her friend and kisses her.) Oh gosh, love you. Insurance? 她的脚或者脚踝可能受伤了
Rachel: Oh, yeah, check it. Definitely, I want some of that. 我的天，你们的圣诞灯还亮着？
Monica: (No longer touched) you don't have insurance? 资料填后拿给我
Rachel: Why, how much is this gonna cost? 哦哦哦，哦哦哦，哦哦哦~
Monica: I have no idea, but X-rays alone could be a couple 好的。哦。
hundred dollars. 姓名？地址？
Rachel: Wel-wel-well what are we gonna do? 好的，你的紧急联系电话是？
Monica: Well there's not much we can do. 你
Rachel: (Like a big baby) Um... unless, unless I use yours. 真的？
Monica: Hah, no no no no no no no no no no. 对
Rachel: (Tapping the clipboard) well, now, wait a second, who did 你真好
I just put as my "In case of emergency" person? 天啊，我爱你
Monica: (Looking around to check that no-one's listening, then 保险？
lowering her voice anyway) That's insurance fraud. 哦！好的！勾上它！我确实需要一些！
Rachel: Well, alright, then, forget it. (Getting up to go) Might 你没有保险？
as well just go home. Ow ow ow ow! 为什么？看着病要花很多钱么？
Monica: (Jumping up to make Rachel sit down) Okay, okay. I hate 我不知道啊。可能几百块钱吧
this. 我们该怎么办？
Rachel: Thank you. Thank you. I love you. 没有太多办法可想
Monica: (to the nurse) Hi, (tiny laugh) um, I'm gonna need a new 呃……除非让我用你的。
set of (tiny laugh) these forms (tiny laugh). 不不不不不…
Nurse: Why? 等等？我的紧急连络人是谁？
Monica: (Tiny laugh) I am really an idiot. (Tiny laugh) you see, 这是保险欺诈……
I was filling out my friend's form, and instead of putting her 好吧？算了……我回家
information, (tiny laugh) I put mine. 哦！哦！哦！
Nurse: You are an idiot. (She hands over a blank form). 好吧，回来
Monica: (Tiny laugh) yep, that's me, (tiny laugh) I am that 我讨厌这么做
stupid (tiny laugh). -谢谢！我爱你！
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, has split up his newspaper so 我需要新表格
Joey can look at the funnies, while Ross's inappropriate joke at 为什么？
Lamaze class has come back to haunt him.] 我真是个笨蛋！
Ross: I had a dream last night where I was playing football with 我替我朋友填资料时
my kid. 我填的不是她的资料而是我的
Chandler and Joey: That's nice. 你真是个笨蛋
Ross: No, no, with him. (He mimes holding the baby like a 没错？这就是我
football.) I'm on this field, and they, they hike me the baby... 我就是那么笨！
and I, I know I've gotta do something 'cause the Tampa Bay 我昨晚梦见我和我儿子在玩足球
defence is comin' right at me. 真温馨
Joey: Tampa Bay's got a terrible team. 不？是用他打
Ross: Right, but, it is just me and the baby, so I'm thinkin' 我在球场上他们叫我以儿子做裆下开球
they can take us. And so I uh, hah-hah, I just heave it down 坦帕湾队的防守球员逐渐逼近
field. 所以我得做出决定
Chandler: What are you crazy? That's a baby! 坦帕湾队可是很烂啊！
Joey: He should take the sack? 没错？但只有我和我儿子
Ross: Anyway, suddenly I'm down field, and I realise that I'm the 所以我想他们很可能要找我们的麻烦
one who's supposed to catch him, right? Only I know there is no 所以我只好传球
way I'm gonna get there in time, so I am running, and running, 什么？你疯啦？他是你儿子
and that, that is when I woke up. See I, I am so not ready to be 难道他应该擒抱？
a father. 不管怎样，突然间我已到了场边了
Chandler: Hey, you're gonna be fine. You're one of the most 我发觉我就是那个该接球的人
caring, most responsible men in North America. You're gonna make 但我绝对来不及
a great dad. 于是我跑啊跑
Joey: Yeah, Ross. You and the baby just need better blocking. 于是我就醒过来了
(Feeling a little better, Ross fetches more coffee.) 我还没准备好当爸爸
Joey: Oh, have either one of you guys ever been to the Rainbow 你没问题的
Room? Is it real expensive? 你是全北美最细心、最有责任感的男人
Chandler: Well, only if you order stuff. 你将来一定是个好爸爸的
Joey: I'm takin' Ursula tonight. It's her birthday. 没错？你和你儿子只是需要更好的阻挡
Ross: Wo-wo-whoa. What about Phoebe's birthday? 你们去过彩虹厅吗？ 真有那么贵？
Joey: When's that? 除非你要点儿什么东西
Ross: Tonight. 我要带乌苏拉去那里，今天是她生日
Joey: Oh, man. What're the odds of that happening? 菲比的生日该怎么办？
(Joey begins to contemplate his ill fortune.) 什么时候？
Ross: You take your time. 今晚
(Joey looks at his friends, thinks a bit more, then realises.) 哦！真是太巧了……
Chandler: There it is! So what're you gonna do? 慢慢想吧别着急
Joey: What can I do? Look, I don't want to do anything to screw 想出来了！……
it up with Ursula. 你打算怎么办？
Chandler: And your friend Phoebe? 我能怎么办？
Joey: Well, if she's my friend, hopefully she'll understand. I 我不想让乌苏拉不开心
mean, wouldn't you guys? 你的朋友菲比呢？
Chandler: Man, if you tried something like that on my birthday, 如果她是我朋友希望她能谅解
you'd be starin' at the business end of a hissy fit. 要是你们，你们难道不能谅解吗？
(Joey gestures to show that he wouldn't dare...) 兄弟，如果你敢在我的生日那天做这事
[Scene: The Hospital, Monica and Rachel are waiting for the 儿
doctors to arrive. They enter and are played by Noah Wyle and 我就让你好看！
George Clooney.] 加上少量蕃红花，就能使情况完全改观
Dr. Mitchell: ..you add a pinch of saffron, it makes all the 好的，嗯，摩妮卡？
difference. 是的……是的，她是！
(They approach the young ladies. Dr. Mitchell consults 她是我朋友瑞秋
Ms.Geller's admissions form.) 瑞秋？我是米契尔大夫
Dr. Mitchell: Okay, errrr, Monica? 我是他朋友罗森大夫
Monica: Yes? (jumping as Rachel punches her arm) ..yes, she is. 你当医生是否太帅了一点？
Rachel (as Monica): Hi, this is my friend Rachel. 抱歉，什么？
Monica (as Rachel): Hi. 哦，我是指年轻，是不是做医生太年轻
Dr. Mitchell: (Smiling) Hi, err Rachel. I'm Dr.Mitchell. 了
Dr. Rosen: (Smiling even more and attempting to take over) And 说得好,瑞秋
I'm his friend, Dr.Rosen. 谢谢
(Monica and Rachel smile back prettily.) 没错
Rachel: Aren't you a little cute to be a doctor? 他说这只是扭伤，就这些
Dr. Rosen: Excuse me? 哦，你忘说我们那些蠢事
Rachel: I meant er, (struggling to concentrate) young, young, I 才不蠢呢
meant young, young to be a doctor. Oh good, Rach. 这位两位帅哥大夫约我们明晚出去
Monica (as Rachel): Thank you. 而且我答应了
Rachel (as Monica): Right. 我觉得这太疯狂了。
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone but Joey is waiting for 我的意思是他们在医院工作啊
Phoebe to arrive for her surprise birthday party. Rachel and 我们这样不是回到犯罪现场？
Monica is telling Chandler about Rachel's incident.] 你知道么？我觉得我们应该取消约会！
Rachel: ..so, he said it was just a sprain, and that was it. 什么？
Monica: Uh, you left out the stupid part. 嘿！他们可是大帅哥！他们是医生，是
Rachel: Not stupid. The very cute, cute, cute doctors asked us 长得帅的医生！
out for tomorrow night, and I said "yes." 好的，目前为止我们学习到什么？
Monica: I think it's totally insane, I mean, they work for the 哦，快快
hospital. It's like returning to the scene of the crime. You 惊喜！！
know, I say we blow off the dates. 你们到底在干吗？
Rachel: What? Monica, they are cute, they are doctors, (spelling 把我吓死了
it out in the air for her slow friend) cute doctors, doctors who 那是蛋糕么？
are cute! 对！柠檬口味
Chandler: Alright, what have we learned so far? 快？她随时会到
(There is a knock at the door. Someone turns the music off, then 希望蛋糕没事
the whole party runs and hides, except for Monica and Rachel who “生日快乐……Peehe……”
answer their door. Ross stands in the doorway, holding a box, but 或许我们可以用玫瑰当“B”
everyone is too keyed up to notice that it's him.) 对？用我们的特殊蛋糕工具
The Whole Party: (Jumping up) SURPRISE!!! 嘿!怎么了？
(Ross is so startled that he throws his arms up to defend 惊喜！！
himself. The box takes off, then lands with a squishy thud, its 哦！哦！哦！
contents oozing out onto the floor. Ross is not pleased.) 你们真是太好了
Ross: What the hell are you doing? You scared the crap outta me. 但这一点也不可怕
Rachel: Was that the cake? 大家好！贝蒂！哦！你找来了贝蒂！太
Ross: Yeah, yeah. I got a lemon schmush. 棒了！
Monica: Come on, she'll be here any minute. 哦！天啊，我喜欢这些都在这个房间里
(The whole party gathers round as Ross puts the box on the coffee 发生
table.) 乔伊在哪里？
Rachel: I hope it's okay. 你看见贝蒂没？
(As Ross opens the lid, everybody looks at the mess inside.) 告诉你，我现在并不介意吃这种烤干的
Monica: Oh... 蕃茄干
Chandler: (Reading) "Happy Birthday Peehe." 五年前如果有人说，我的蕃茄像李子
Monica: Well maybe we can make a, a, a 'B' out of one of those 我就叫他滚出我的办公室
roses. 爸？我出生前你会紧张吗？
(Phoebe quietly wanders in, to join the tableau.) 我不紧张，我是说如果有人对我说…
Ross: (Still annoyed) Yeah, we'll just use our special cake 爸？我在谈小孩的事
tools. 你是否曾因为将成为父亲而紧张？
Phoebe: Hey, what's going on? 没有啊
Ross: Oh, we just... 不会？都是你妈在处理
Phoebe's Friends: (Finally noticing the guest of honour) 我在忙着生意上的事情，我并没有太多
Surprise! 时间
Phoebe: (Delighted) oh, oh, oh! This is so great! Oh my god! This 你找我来是为了这个？
was not at all scary. Hi everybody. Hi Betty! Betty, Hi! 不不，爸爸，我只是好奇
(Thrilled) You found Betty! Oh my god! (Hugging people) This is 因为我们有时间弥补。我们可以一起做点
great. Everybody I love is in the same room, (still happy) 事情
Where's Joey? 你一直想去威廉斯堡
(The party falls flat. Chandler tries to think of a witticism, 我们去怎么样？
but even he can't help...) 我只是想知道
Chandler: Did you see Betty? 你何时感觉自己像个父亲
(Betty waggles her fingers to say "Hi", but Phoebe feels her 应该是你出生那一天
birthday has been ruined by her twin.) 我们在病房，你妈在睡觉
[Scene: A Restaurant, Ross is having lunch with his father who is 他们把你交给我
examining his next forkful.] 你当时又丑又红又小
Mr. Geller: I tell you one thing, I wouldn't mind having a piece 你突然用拳头紧抓住我的手指
of this sun-dried tomato business. Five years ago, if somebody 紧紧捏住我的手指
had said to me, here's a tomato that looks like a prune, I'd say 那时候我才感觉到
"get out of my office!" 你不想去威廉斯堡？
Ross: Dad, before I was born, did you freak out at all? 我们可以去啊
Mr. Geller: I'm not freaking out, I'm just saying, if somebody 吃你的鱼吧
had come to me with the idea andndash; 瑞秋？帅哥医生来了
Ross: Dad, dad, dad, I'm talkin' about the whole uh, baby thing. 来了
Did you uh, ever get this sort of... panicky, "Oh my god I'm 嗨,快进来
gonna be a father" kind of a thing? 嗨！
Mr. Geller: No. Your mother really did the work. I was busy with 嗨,杰弗瑞
the business. I wasn't around that much. Is that what this is 嗨。
about? 我们带了一瓶酒
Ross: No, no, Dad, I was just wondering. 这是来自恩尼斯及托夫波尼酒窖
Mr. Geller: 'Cause there's time to make up for that. We can do 其能受得了这样的诱惑？呵呵
stuff together. You always wanted to go to that Colonial 哦！真棒，看看
Williamsburg. How 'bout we do that? 莫尼卡，脚踝怎么样了？
Ross: Thanks, Dad, really, I ju... you know, I just, I just 嗯……
needed to know, um... when did you start to feel like a father? 你为什么不告诉他们？
Mr. Geller: Oh, well, I, I guess it musta been the day after you 毕竟这是你自己的脚踝
were born. We were in the hospital room, your mother was asleep, 我感觉好多了，谢谢！
and they brought you in and gave you to me. You were this ugly 哦，你们快请坐，我给你们拿几个酒杯
little red thing, and all of a sudden you grabbed my finger with 好吧，快点~
your whole fist. And you squeezed it, so tight. And that's when I 好的，听者，我想我们为什么不告诉他
knew. 们我们的真实身份呢？
(Ross is so moved by his father's charming story, that he stops 我想不会有事的，不会有问题的
eating.) 我们会惹上大麻烦的！
Mr. Geller: So you don't wanna go to Williamsburg? 摩妮卡，别那么不争气！
Ross: No, we can go to Williamsburg. 不争气？
Mr. Geller: Eat your fish. 抱歉，我生在真实的世界之中
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is just getting off of the 所以呢？ 她们似乎很正常
intercom and turns off the TV which is still in the SAP mode.] 但你得承认
Monica: Rachel, the cute doctors are here. 每次我们和女病患约会都…
Rachel: (entering from her room) Okay, coming! 别紧张，看看四周
(Monica opens the door for Dr. Mitchell and Dr. Geoffrey.) 没有异教徒的神坛
Monica: Hi, come on in. 角落里没有一堆一堆的骨头
Dr. Mitchell: Hey. 他们不错！
Monica: Hi, Geoffrey. 嘿，你的牙齿……
Rachel: Hi. 我们绝不能这么做
Dr. Rosen: Ah here, we brought wine. 有时候你怎么这么像个大小孩呢？
Dr. Mitchell: Look at this, it's from the cellars of Ernest and 我才不幼稚呢。我发誓,每次咱们这样你
Tova Borgnine, so how could we resist? 都那么紧张……
Rachel: Oh, that's great. Look at that. 是啊,每次你都像公主似的……
Dr. Rosen: So, Monica, how's the ankle? 你知道吗？
Monica: It's uh... 什么？
(Rachel discreetly coughs to warn her.) 你知道吗？
Monica (as Rachel): ..well, why don't you tell them? After all 什么？！
it, is your ankle. 你知道吗？
Rachel (as Monica): You know what, it's feeling a lot better, 什么！！？
thank you, um... Well, listen, why don't you two sit down and, 一天一天你愈来愈像你妈了
and we'll get you some glasses... okay... (They don't know what -来喽！
to do with their coats and Monica points to the living room) -谢谢！
STAT! 这地方真不错
(Rachel joins Monica who is in the kitchen area, opening the wine 你住在这儿多久了？
bottle. Rachel checks that the doctors aren't listening, then 谢谢，我住在这儿六年了
lowers her voice anyway.) 瑞秋几个月前才搬来
Rachel: Okay, listen, I'm thinking, why don't we just tell them 对，我本来应该结婚的
who we really are? I mean, it'll be fine, I really think it'll be 但我把我的未婚夫抛弃在圣坛了
fine. 真的？
Monica: It will not be fine. We'll get in trouble. 是啊。
Rachel: Oh, Monica! Would you stop being such a wuss? 是啊是啊！我知道这很自私，但是，
Monica: A wuss? Excuse me for living in the real world, okay? 嘿，这就是我！
(Back at the couch, Dr. Mitchell and Dr. Rosen have concerns of 何不试试这个
their own.) 摩妮卡，你从事什么工作？
Dr. Mitchell: So? 我在上城区一家餐厅的总厨师
Dr. Rosen: So... they sss-still seem normal. 真有你的
Dr. Mitchell: That's because they are. 没错
Dr. Rosen: (Nervously) okay, but you have to admit that every 因为我喜欢指使别人
time we go out... Women we meet at the hospital... It turns 这点心不错
into... 愿神保佑鹰嘴豆
Dr. Mitchell: Willya relax? Look around. No pagan altars, no 哦，哈哈，天啊，我真是被宠坏了
piles of bones in the corners, they're fine. (Baring his teeth to 就这样了
clean them with his finger) Go like this. (Dr. Rosen obeys.) 对了，我有提过我的高中吗？
(Meanwhile, back at the sink.) 我在高中是只肥猪。
Monica: I said we are not going to do it, okay? Sometimes you can 我经常尿床
be such a, a big baby. 我以胸部吸引别人的注意
Rachel: (Resenting the truth) I am not a baby! You know what? I 我们都一样
swear to god, just because you get so uptight every time we... 摩妮卡与瑞秋的公寓
Monica: Sure, every time, you're such a princess... 等等，瑞秋，是你爸
Rachel: You know what? 爸？不，是我
Monica: What? 我现在没空
Rachel: You know what? 但有些话我一直想告诉你
Monica: What!? 失陪一下
Rachel: You know what? 记得我大一的时候吗？
Monica: (getting angry) What!!? 我和比利在你床上做爱
Rachel: Every day, you are becoming more and more like your 爸爸，爸爸……
mother. 爸，我干嘛和比利上床？
(Rachel brightly limps back across the apartment with glasses of 他爸想害你倒闭
wine for the cute doctors, leaving an open-mouthed Monica in her 你死定了
wake.) 罗斯？他又拿遥控器了
Rachel: Hello! Here we go! 很好，或许它能将功能变回来
Dr. Rosen: This is a great place. How long have you lived here? 或许不会
Rachel: (as Monica) Thanks! I've been here about six years, and 等等，我看看她在不在
Rachel moved in a few months ago. 是医院那个女人打来的
Monica: (as Rachel) Yeah... (joining the others) ..see, I was 她说表格有问题
supposed to get married, but, um, I left the guy at the altar. 哦，天啊！天啊！怎么办？怎么办？怎
(Rachel tries to hide her alarm, but she squirms in her chair.) 么办？
Dr. Mitchell: Really? 我也不知道，看看她想要什么？
Monica: (as Rachel) Yeah... Yeah, I know it's pretty selfish, but 好吧！
haha, hey, that's me. (Indicating a dish on the table) Why don't 不，你来问！
you try the hummus? 我是摩妮卡
Dr. Rosen: So, Monica, what do you do? 好，我们马上去，谢谢
Rachel: (as Monica) Aahh, I'm a... chef at a restaurant uptown. 怎么了？
Dr. Rosen: Good for you. 我们忘了签名
Rachel: (as Monica) Yeah it is, mostly because I get to boss 你说得对，我们不该这么做
people around, which I just love to do. 谢谢
Dr. Rosen: This hummus is great. 我去换件衣服
Dr. Mitchell: God bless the chickpea. 嗨……
Monica: (as Rachel) (Suddenly laughing) Oh, god, I am so 有麻烦了？
spoiled... That's it! 你妹那一夜放我鸽子
(The doctors don't know what to make of all this.) 真可怜
Rachel: (as Monica) And by the way, have I mentioned that back in 被人放鸽子的滋味不好受吧
high school, I was a cow? 你有打电话给她吗？
Monica: (as Rachel) I used to wet my bed. 我连打了两天
Rachel: (as Monica) I use my breasts to get other people's 打给餐厅时他们说她太忙
attention. 我不敢相信她想甩掉我
Monica: (as Rachel) (Revealing her anger to point at her best -嗨！
friend) We both do that! -哦！
(Rachel lets her anger show too. Hideously embarrassed, the 有空吗？
doctors drain their glasses in the vicious pause which follows. 有，我只是在工作
The telephone rings, but the girls just glower at each other, 嗯……
silently daring the other to move first. Finally both guys jump 哦？.
up, and Michael wins.) 我为你买了生日礼物
Dr. Mitchell: (on the phone) Monica and Rachel's apartment. Err 你记得
yeh, aayah, yeh, just one second... (handing it to Monica) ..ah, 是茱蒂杰森热水壶
Rachel, it's your dad. 对，像你… 对，我也有东西送你
Monica: (as Rachel) Hi, Dad. No, no, it's me. (Getting up to move 你怎么知道我会来？
further away from Rachel) li-listen, Dad, I can't talk right now, 我们是双胞胎嘛
um, but there's something, um... there's something that I've been 我不敢相信你会这么做
meaning to tell you... 我不敢相信你会这么做！
(Monica glares triumphantly across the room, scaring Rachel who 那么，你和乔伊怎么样了？
also stands up.) 他人很好，但我们结束了
Rachel: Would you excuse me for a second? 他知道吗？
Monica: (as Rachel) Remember back in freshman year? (Talking fast 谁？
before Rachel can catch her) Well, Billy Dreskin and I had sex on 乔伊！
your bed. 他对你着迷不已
(Completely undone by Monica's verbal destruction, Rachel almost 是吗？为什么？
loses her balance as she staggers backwards, eyes agog, gasping 这你问倒我了……
for breath, and literally not knowing which way to turn. Finally, 没错
she escapes into the bathroom while a resigned Dr. Mitchell looks 抱歉
philosophically at Dr. Rosen who seems about remind him of the 这道菜不是有沙拉吗？
good old days at the pagan altar.) 你会打电话给他吗？
Commercial Break 你认为他喜欢我
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Ross, Phoebe, 不，是乔伊
Chandler and Monica sit round the coffee table, playing Scrabble. 不，他很聪明，他会了解的
Rachel, still in her dressing gown, is pleading on the phone, her 想吃鸡肉吗？
free hand shaking with agitation.] 不,我不吃有脸的东西
Rachel: (on phone) Daddy... Daddy... Daddy, why whyyy would I 你还是没变
sleep with Billy Dreskin? His father tried to put you out of 你也一样
business! (Rachel turns to Monica, clasping the receiver to her 记得我们吗？
bosom so Dr.Green can't hear, while mouthing "You 是啊…………
are...") ...dead! 你刚打电话要我们过来
(Monica smiles a sweet apology of regret, until she's distracted 在表格上签名？
by Marcel as he clambers all over her nice furniture.) 但我们需要一张全新的表格
Monica: Ross, he's got the remote again. 我又写错名字了
Ross: Good. Maybe he can switch it back. 因为…
(Marcel changes channel to Bugs Bunny, who is speaking in 你就是那么笨
Spanish.) 是啊，我就是那么笨！
Ross: Maybe not. 我要用支票付帐
(Meanwhile, Rachel has taken another call, from a nurse she'd 你不知道保险会给付吗？
hoped never to hear from again.) 我知道，只是我没也那么聪明
Rachel: Hello? (Listens) Um, yeah, uh, (snapping her fingers at 好的，想象最糟的场景
Ross who takes the remote from Marcel, then turns off the TV) 你从未感觉像个爸爸
Okay ah, hold on a second, lemme lemme just check and see if see 嗯……
if she's here. 你儿子从未感觉你像个爸爸
(All animosity forgotten, Rachel holds the receiver out as she 他所有的关系全受这个的影响
limps quickly over to her friend, who stands up in concern.) 你这话有没有重点？
Rachel: It's the woman from the hospital admissions office. She 应该有的
says there's a problem with the form. Oh, god, oh god... 这只猴子到底怎么了？
Rachel and Monica: Oh god, waddawe do, waddawe do, waddawe do? 只是毛球
Monica: I don't know! Why don't you just explain? What do they 好吧。该谁了？
want? Find out what they want! 该你了，我刚刚因为“KIDNEY”得了43
Rachel: Okay (desperately hands the receiver over) no, you do it. 分
Monica: (taking the phone) Hello, this is Monica... Yeah??? Oh... 不，你没得分
(Smiles at Rachel to reassure her) Okay, yes, we'll be right, 你拼的是“idney”
we'll be right down.(Listens) Thank you. (Hangs up) 不，我有k，我的k在哪儿？
Rachel: What? 快帮我，我的猴子把k吞了
Monica: We forgot to sign one of the admissions forms. 把你的动物带走
Rachel: Ohhh... (slumping in relief) Okay, you were right. You 不，你不懂，动物医院离这儿很远
were right! This was just not worth it. 它快窒息了，我不知道该怎么办
Monica: Thank you. 怎么了？
Rachel: Okay, let me just change. 马修吞了一个字母
Monica: Yes. 哦！
(Rachel goes to her room.) 抱歉，这是为人看病的医院
Joey: (entering quietly) Hey. 小姐，它是人，他有名字
Ross and Chandler: Hey! 他也看“Jeopardy”节目
Monica: Hi. 没人看时它就摸自己
Phoebe: Trouble? 请你有点善心,求你了
Joey: Your sister stood me up the other night. 让我来看看他
Phoebe: Oh, no. Don't you hate it when people aren't there for 哦，谢谢
you? 麦克
Ross: Well did you try calling her? 瑞秋
Joey: I've been trying for two days. When I called the 什么？
restaurant, they said she was too busy to talk. I can't believe 莫尼卡
she's blowin' me off. - 哦！
(Phoebe wants to be angry with Joey, but as she watches him - 嗨！
shaking his head in pain and disbelief, she knows that it isn't 乌苏拉!你到这儿来干什么？我一直想给
his fault.) 你打电话
[Scene: Riff's, Phoebe is entering. Ursula returns with two 听着，嗯……
plates of chicken, but she only has time to set one on the table, 不，别叫我听，我知道你的意思
when...] 抱歉
Phoebe: Hey. 我不懂，你怎么了？
(Ursula turns in surprise.) 那些在桥下说的话你都忘了吗？
Ursula: Oh! 是啊，你得忘记我在桥下说过的话
Phoebe: Um you, you got a minute? 我那一夜喝醉了，胡言乱语
Ursula: Um, yeah, I'm just... (waving dismissively at the 你不喝酒
concept) ..working. 没错，我不喝酒
(Ursula points out a vacant table, so the twins walk over, side 但我爱你爱得如痴如醉
by side, to sit down. Departing customers walk right past the 乌苏拉
pair. Sitting at the back, a hungry gentleman looks most annoyed 我们是没有结果的
as Ursula sets his meal down in front of her. The girls sit.) 为什么？ 因为我是菲比的朋友？
Phoebe: So. 如果是，你愿意不和她来往吗？
Ursula: Uh-huh. 不行，我办不到
(Ursula is genuinely pleased that her sister has visited her, 没错，就是因为她
after so many years. Phoebe hesitates over how best to begin.) 不是她就是我
Phoebe: Um, oh, I got you a birthday present. 那么我只能说抱歉了
(Ursula picks up a fork and begins eating the meat, while Phoebe 你知道，忘了你是很难的一件事
removes a present from her bag.) 忘了你是很难的一件事
Ursula: Oh, wow! You remembered! (Opening it) Oh! It's a Judy 我知道
Jetson thermos! 我不知是否因为分手
(She laughs at the childhood memory. Phoebe smiles at being able 你从未这么漂亮过
to make her point.) 真的？
Phoebe: Right, like the kind you... 菲比？
Ursula: Right... Oh, I got something for you, too. 什么事？
(Ursula gets up to fetch a box from her bag by the counter.) 它好小
Phoebe: How'd you know I was coming? 我刚听说了
Ursula: Um, yeah, um, twin thing. 它没事吧？
(Ursula puts the box directly into Phoebe's hand. Phoebe 没事了，医生已取出k了
brightens.) 他还发现m和o
Phoebe: I can't believe you did this. 它一定想拼字“monkey”
(Phoebe opens the box, to find something familiar inside.) 医生说它已无大碍，它睡着了
Phoebe: I can't believe you... (holding up Joey's cardigan) ..did 你有当爸爸的感觉没？
this. 没有，干嘛问？
(Phoebe's smile hardens as she packs the cardigan away.) 拜托，你办到了
Phoebe: So... What's the deal with umm, you and Joey? 有爸爸的味道了
Ursula: Oh, right. He is so great. But that's over. 看？它醒了
(Ursula resumes eating her lunch..) 老兄？感觉如何？
Phoebe: Does he know? 谁点了Sal将军的鸡？
Ursula: Who? 它本来就是属于Sal将军的
Phoebe: Joey. You know, um, he's really nutsy about you. 快看快看，丑陋裸男正玩呼啦圈呢！
Ursula: He is? Why? 嗨，乔伊！
Phoebe: You got me. 大家好~~
Ursula: Right. 罗斯，马修又拿着遥控器了！
(A waiter comes over for the stolen chicken. Ursula turns to 看来它不喜欢这个节目
him.)
Ursula: Excuse me. Doesn't this come with a side salad?
(The man gives up, shaking his head.)
Phoebe: So, um, are you gonna call him?
Ursula: What? (Indicating the departing waiter) Do you think he
likes me?
Phoebe: No, Joey.
Ursula: Oh. No, no, he is so smart. He'll figure it out.
(Offering to share her food) Do you want some chicken?
Phoebe: No. No food with a face.
Ursula: You have not changed!
(Ursula's eyes dance as she laughs and smiles, simply glad to be
back with her sister.)
Phoebe: Yeah, you too.
(Trying not to wrinkle her nose, Phoebe smiles back realising
it's down to her to make up for her negligent sister. Meanwhile,
Ursula still hasn't received her side salad, but when she
attempts to attract the waiter's attention, he ignores her.)
[Scene: The Emergency Room. The officious admissions nurse is
again on duty. Rachel and Monica enter, looking worried. As they
approach the desk, Rachel adopts a winning smile, while Monica
struggles to smile at all.]
Rachel: (as Monica) Hi, remember us?
Nurse: (Grimacing) Mmm hmmm.
Monica: (as Rachel) Um, okay. You just called a little while ago
about needing a signature on the admissions form. Well, it turns
out we need a whole new one (little laugh) because uh, you see,
I-I, I put the wrong name again. (Little laugh) 'cause um...
Nurse: You're that stupid.
Monica: (as Rachel) I am. I'm that stupid. (Little laugh.)
Rachel: (as Monica) Yeah, and and, I'm just gonna pay for this
with a check.
Nurse: Well, you know your insurance will cover that.
Rachel: (as Monica) Yeah, I know... (mirroring her friend) ..I'm
I'm just not that bright either.
(The girls escape with a new form.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is neglecting the game of
Scrabble, for he's busily drawing on his own childhood in an
attempt to help Ross. Marcel chitters about.]
Chandler: Okay, worst case scenario. Say you never feel like a
father.
Ross: Uh-huh.
Chandler: Say your son never feels connected to you, as one. Say
all of his relationships are affected by this.
Ross: Do you have a point?
Chandler: You know, you think I would.
(Instead of scampering, Marcel stretches his neck as much as
possible, and makes an unvoiced noise from his throat.)
Chandler: What's up with the simian?
Ross: It's just a fur ball.
Chandler: Okay... (returning to the board) ..whose turn is it?
Ross: Yours, I just got 43 points for 'KIDNEY'.
Chandler: No, no, you got zero points for 'IDNEY'.
Ross: I had a 'K'. Where's where's my 'K'?
(The unvoiced hissing continues. In alarm, Ross and Chandler look
at the monkey, who is now in some distress.)
[Scene: The Emergency Room, Monica sits with Rachel, who is
filling out an honest form at last. Ross and Chandler hurtle in.
Little Marcel, wrapped in a fluffy towel, is cradled in Ross's
arms. They dash up to the admissions desk. Ross is frantic.]
Ross: You've got to help me my monkey swallowed a 'K'!
(Hearing her brother's voice, Monica gets up to stand behind
Chandler, followed by Rachel.)
Nurse: (angrily) You go get that animal outta here.
Ross: No, no you don't understand the animal hospital is way
across town he's choking I don't know what else to do.
Monica: What's goin' on?
(Ross and Chandler turn at the voice...)
Chandler: Marcel swallowed a Scrabble tile.
Rachel: Oh.
(..then turn back to the desk when the surprise hits them, and
Ross and Chandler whip around once more. Monica and Rachel recoil
slightly.)
Nurse: Excuse me... This hospital is for people!
Ross: Lady, he is people. He has a name, okay? He watches
Jeopardy! He he touches himself when nobody's watching. Please,
please have a heart!
(Ross's vigorous protest is attracting attention.)
Dr. Mitchell: I'll take a look at him.
(Rachel, Monica, Ross and Chandler whip around for a second time,
in formation.)
Rachel and Monica: Oh, thank you.
Monica: Michael.
Dr. Mitchell: Rachel.
Rachel: What?
Monica: (as Rachel) Monica.
Rachel: (as Monica) Oh.
Monica: (as Rachel) Hi.
Rachel: (as Monica) Hi.
(Monica smiles to cover her embarrassment, but Rachel sadly looks
away...)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is playing "She Loves Me, She Loves Me
Not" with the petals of a flower, alternately looking hopeful and
annoyed. Phoebe enters, but not as herself, for she has changed
the style of her hair and make-up to match that of her twin
sister. She hangs up her coat, revealing her new cardigan.
Nervously, she smooths out the identifying garment, approaching
Joey who sits next to the main sofa.]
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Hey.
Joey: Urse...
(Phoebe nods as he stands up in delight.)
Joey: ..ah, what're you doing here? I've been trying to call you.
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Listen, um...
Joey: No, no, no, don't say "listen." I know that "listen." I've
said that "listen."
Phoebe: (as Ursula) I'm sorry.
Joey: I don't get it. What happened? What about everything you
said under the bridge?
(Phoebe is almost thrown by this.)
Phoebe: (as Ursula): Yeah, um... (nervously clears her throat)
You know you, you should just forget about what I said under the
bridge, I was talkin' crazy that night, I was so drunk!
Joey: You don't drink.
Phoebe: (as Ursula) That's right, I don't... But I was, I was
drunk on you!
Joey: Oh, Urse... (He tries to take her in his arms, but she
fends him off.)
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Okay, yeah, so it's not gonna work.
Joey: Why? Is it because I'm friends with Phoebe?
Phoebe: (as Ursula) If it was, would you stop hanging out with
her?
Joey: (Thinking carefully) no. No, I, I couldn't do that.
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Um, then yes, it's 'cause of Phoebe! So, you
know, it's either her or me.
Joey: Then, uh, then I'm sorry.
(He sinks to the sofa, saddened by Ursula's ultimatum, while
Phoebe follows, touched by Joey's good heart.)
Phoebe: (as Ursula) You know... (unconsciously putting a hand on
his knee) You're gonna be really, really hard to get over.
Joey: I know...
(He looks up at her face and Phoebe, slipping out of character,
smiles back at him. Joey's voice becomes soft and warm.)
Joey: I don't know whether it's just 'cause we're breakin' up
or... what, but you have never looked so beautiful.
Phoebe: Really?
(Phoebe smiles, when Joey takes her face in his hands and kisses
her. Joey gets up to leave but stops suddenly. Phoebe silently
shouts "Oh, whoa!!" to herself, and leans back in the sofa to
recover, a hand to her tingling lips. A thoughtful Joey is also
feeling his lips, so he hesitates for a moment, then returns for
a better view, he thinks again, cocking his head from side to
side to regard her profile from various angles, then...)
Joey: Pheebs?
Phoebe: (Automatically) Yeah. Oooh... (she's sprung.)
[Scene: The Hospital, Marcel lies on the operating table while
recovering from the anaesthetic, tucked up under a sheet like an
infant in a huge bed. Ross sits beside him, as a smiling
Chandler, Monica and Rachel look on.]
Ross: He looks so tiny.
(The door bursts open, and Joey and Phoebe rush in.)
Joey: We just got the message.
Phoebe: Is he alright?
Ross: Yeah. The doctor got the 'K' out. He also found an 'M' and
an 'O'.
Chandler: We think he was trying to spell out 'MONKEY.'
(Ross does not approve of Chandler's daft theory.)
Ross: Well, the doctor says he's gonna be fine, he's just
sleeping now.
Chandler: (Tapping Ross on his shoulder) So, you feel like a dad
yet?
Ross: No, why?
Chandler: Hey, come on, you came through, you did what you had to
do. That is very dad.
(Ross does approve of this, but he's still not sure. The tiny
figure stirs.)
Monica: Oh, look, he's waking up!
Ross: (Quietly) hey, fella! How you doing?
(All of a sudden, Marcel grabs Ross's finger with his whole fist,
and he squeezes it, so tight, that Ross finally knows what it is
to be a father. He looks up at his friends, who smile
encouragingly, Rachel tenderly resting her chin upon Monica's
shoulder. Ross realises that Chandler was right and he's gonna
make a great dad!)
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone except Joey is there.
Rachel is looking out of the window and Ross is handing out some
Chinese takeout. There's a small SAP in the corner of the
screen.]
Ross: Aqui est? (Here it is!)
Monica: 緼 qui閚 pidio el pollo General Tso? (Who ordered General
Sal's chicken?)
Chandler: udo aver sido General Tso! (It could've been General
Sal!)
(Rachel points out of the window.)
Rachel: ira, mira, el viejo desnudo est?haciendo el hula hoop!
(Look, look, Ugly Naked Guy is doing the hula!)
(The others rush to the window for a look.)
All:www! (Ewww!)
(Joey enters, happy again.)
All: ola, Joey! (Hi, Joey!)
Joey: ola, amigos! (Hey, everybody!)
(Marcel grabs the remote.)
Monica: Mira, Ross, Marcel se llevo el control remoto. (Look,
Ross, Marcel's got the remote.)
Ross: o que sucedio es que no le gusta la tele! (The thing is,
he doesn`t like the program!)
(Everybody laughs.)
End
 118 The One With All The Poker

118 The One With All The Poker 118 玩扑克

(The whole gang is helping Rachel mail out resumes while

whistling the theme from The Bridge on the River Kwai.)
Ross: Uh, Rach, we're running low on resumes over here. 瑞秋，履历表已用完了
Monica: Do you really want a job with Popular Mechanics? 你真想到《大众机械师》上班吗?
Chandler: Well, if you're gonna work for mechanics, those are the 如果你真想为技工工作
ones to work for. 那倒是可以试试
Rachel: Hey, look, you guys, I'm going for anything here, OK? I 各位，我什么都得试试
cannot be a waitress anymore, I mean it. I'm sick of the lousy 我不能再当服务生了
tips, I'm sick of being called 'Excuse me...' 我是说真的，我已厌倦微薄小费
Ross: Rach, did you proofread these? 我已厌倦别人对我说“麻烦一下”
Rachel: Uh... yeah, why? 瑞秋，这些你已校对过了吗?
Ross: Uh, nothing, I'm sure they'll be impressed with your 对，有问题吗?
excellent compuper skills. 没事,他们对你的“电恼”技巧
Rachel: (upset) Oh my Goood! Oh, do you think it's on all of 一定会印象深刻的
them? 糟了，每一份上面都这样吗?
Joey: Oh no, I'm sure the Xerox machine caught a few. 没有，复印机弄掉一些了
Opening Credits 各位
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Chandler are sitting at a table. 两位小姐，需要什么吗?
Rachel is working. Monica and Phoebe enter.] 信件带来了没有?
Monica: Hey, guys. 这里有很多
Chandler and Ross: Hey. 我们这儿当然有烤饼
Rachel: Hey... hi, ladies... uh, can I get you anything? (to 快念给我听
Monica, quietly): Did you bring the mail? 亲爱的格林小姐，感谢您的询问，然而
Monica: Lots of responses. …
Rachel: (to Monica): Really? (out loud): Sure, we have scones 我们有苹果肉桂…亲爱的格林小姐…
left! (to Monica): OK, read them to me. 好……好……好……
Phoebe: (reading): Dear Ms. Green, thank you for your inquiry, 没戏。
however... oh... (crumples up letter) 怎么了?
Rachel: (out loud): We have apple cinnamon... 你信用卡的帐单不小呀.
Monica: (reading): OK... Dear Ms. Green... yeah... yeah... 给我
yeah... No. (crumpes up letter) 我真不敢相信
Phoebe: Wow! 琳达那么好你为何不再和她约会?
Rachel: What? 我也不知道
Phoebe: (reading): Your Visa bill is huge! 是因为她认为“石头族真有可能发生”
Rachel: (grabs the bill) Give me that! 的事吗?
(Camera cuts to Chandler and Ross at table.) （科幻电影情节）
Chandler: You know, I can't believe you. Linda is so great! Why 不只是因为那样
won't you go out with her again? 因为我要一个能让我有感觉
Ross: I don't know. 能让我心跳加速，让我…
Chandler: Is this still about her whole 'The Flintstones could've 变成拜倒裙下的玩物？
really happened' thing? 什么?
Ross: No, it's not just that. It's just—I want someone who... 你不是渴望着她吗?
who does something for me, y'know? Who gets my heart pounding, 谁?
who... who makes me, uh... (begins to stare lovingly at Rachel) 蒂，《发生何事》中
Chandler: ...little playthings with yarn? 那个尖酸刻薄的女孩
Ross: What? 我早就忘了她，行吗?
Chandler: Could you want her more? 你们怎么样？
Ross: Who? 我们很好
Chandler: (sarcastically) Dee, the sarcastic sister from Whats 闭嘴
Happening. 我们什么都没说
Ross: Look, I am totally, totally over her, OK, I just... (Rachel 怎么了？
comes over, Ross lays head on table): Hiiii! 昨晚乔伊哭了
Rachel: Hi! How are you? 谢谢
Ross: We're fine, we're fine. 我们在玩扑克牌
Rachel: OK. (walks away) “3”上面沾了点巧克力，看起来像是
(Ross keeps staring at her, head on table. Chandler smacks him “8”，仅此而已
with a newspaper. Joey enters, Ross and Chandler laugh at him.) 可惜你没看到
Joey: Shut up! 他说“开牌，你们哭吧”
Chandler: We're not—we're not saying anything. 结果哭的是他
Phoebe: What? 为什么你们从没和我们玩过扑克牌?
Ross: Uhhhh... Joey cried last night. 对，为什么?好像这是男人的专利，
Joey: Thank you. 好像是有性别歧视的男人的专利，
Chandler: (to the girls) We were playing poker, alright... 好像这是扑克，所以就是男人的专利？
Joey: There was chocolate on the three. It looked like an eight, 才怪，女生也欢迎加入
alright? 好，那么为什么……是不是……就好像
Ross: Oh, guys, you should've seen him. 'Read 'em and weep.' ……
Chandler: And then he did. 好像……算了，反正为什么?
Rachel: Well, now, how come you guys have never played poker with 只是刚好女生没加入我们罢了
us? 对，我们刚好找不到会玩扑克的女生
Phoebe: Yeah, what is that? Like, some kind of guy thing? Like, 拜托，这个借口真烂。
some kind of sexist guy thing? Like it's poker, so only guys can 男人们都是这种反应
play? 请问你们谁会玩扑克牌吗?
Ross: No, women are welcome to play. 不会
Phoebe: Oh, OK, so then what is it? Some kind of... you know, 但你们可以教我们
like, like... some kind of, y'know, like... alright, what is it? 不
Chandler: There just don't happen to be any women in our games. 好，现在开始抽牌。
Joey: Yeah, we just don't happen to know any women that know how 我不需要换牌，对吧?
to play poker. 因为我有一条顺
Girls: Oh, yeah, right. 太好了
Monica: Oh, please, that is such a lame excuse! 恭喜了
Rachel: Really. 菲比，你要几张?
Monica: I mean, that's a typical guy response. 我需要两张
Ross: Excuse me, do any of you know how to play? 黑桃10和梅花6
Girls: No. 不，你不能那样做
Rachel: But you could teach us. 等等，我有你要的黑桃
Guys: No. 谢谢
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the guys are teaching the girls how 不…不能那样
to play poker.] 不……没问题，我不需要，我要的是4。
Chandler: (teaching) OK, so now we draw cards. 呃,你……
Monica: So I wouldn't need any, right? Cause I have a straight. 我们有鲑鱼拼盘和水果色拉
Rachel: Oh, good for you! 莫妮卡，你在干什么?
Phoebe: Congratulations! 我们正在玩牌
(Microwave timer goes off. Monica gets up.) 所以食物的名称不能超过一个词
Chandler: OK Phoebs, how many do you want? 比如：薯片，蘸汁，脆饼…
Phoebe: OK, I just need two... the, um, ten of spades and the six 现在,发牌的人……
of clubs. 知道了
Ross: No. No, uh, Phoebs? You can't—you can't do... 开始来真的吧
Rachel: Oh wait, I have the ten of spades! Here! (gives it to 大钱出，大钱进
Phoebe) 你真的要开始?菲比刚刚扔了一张J，
Ross: No, no. Uh... no, see, uh, you-you can't do that. 因为他们看起来好像不开心
Rachel: Oh, no-no-no-no-no-no, that's OK, I don't need them. I'm 我准备好了，发牌吧
going for fours. 最终提醒，最终提醒
Ross: Oh, you're... (gives up) 乔伊，3！8！
(Monica comes back to the table with plates of food.) 8！3！发牌吧
Monica: Alright, here we go. We've got salmon roulettes and 该死，该死，该死！
assorted crudites. 我明白了，你们是在骗我
Phoebe and Rachel: OOooooo! 骗你什么?
Joey: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Monica, what're you doin'? This is a 骗我你们的牌有多好
poker game. You can't serve food with more than one syllable. 我在唬你们
It's gotta be like chips, or dip, or pretz...(look of 什么是唬?
realization) 不就是骗的同义字吗?
Chandler: (changing subject) OK, so at this point, the dealer... 抱歉，我不能再玩了
Monica: Alright, you know, we got it, we got it. Let's play for 我在明天工作前得打好履历表
real. High stakes... big bucks... 瑞秋，我们得算帐(定居)
Ross: Alright, now, you sure? Phoebe just threw away two jacks 什么定居?
because they didn't look happy... 在维吉尼亚的詹姆斯城殖民地
Phoebe: But... I'm ready, so, just deal. 乔治三世把土地给我所以……
Chandler: OK, alright, last minute lesson, last minute lesson. （历史上的乔治三世对北美殖民地采取
(holds up two cards) Joey... three... eight. Eight... three. 强硬态度，
(Joey is unamused) Alright babe, deal the cards. 最终导致美国革命）
(Time lapse.) 赌局。瑞秋，这是赌局，在赌局上你欠我
Monica: (throws down her cards) Dammit, dammit, dammit! 们钱
Phoebe: (to Joey): Oh I see, so then, you were lying. 哦，好
Joey: About what? 你们知道吗? 这是她们的第一次
Phoebe: About how good your cards were. 别和她们计较钱了
Joey: Heh... I was bluffing. 不好，我们会付钱的
Phoebe: A-ha! And... what is bluffing? Is it not another word 莫妮卡，我有另一个答案了
for... lying? “好呀”
Rachel: OK, sorry to break up this party, but I've got resumes to 知道吗?我们要再来一次
fax before work tomorrow... (gets up to leave) 行，我又有钱花了
Guys: Whoa, whoa, whoa! 这么说你们的组合家俱
Chandler: Rach, Rach, we gotta settle. 都用朋友的钱买来的
Rachel: Settle what? 是呀
Chandler: The... Jamestown colony of Virginia. You see, King 没错，而且我是在“宜家家俱”买的
George is giving us the land, so... 得自己动手装，不过便宜许多
Ross: The game, Rachel, the game. You owe us money for the game. 瑞秋，这是玩扑克。
Rachel: Oh. Right. 赌博就是要赢钱，
Joey: You know what, you guys? It's their first time, why don't 为使我能赢钱，别人就得输。
we just forget about the money, alright? 如果想和我玩牌，就别指望我手下留情。
Monica: Hell no, we'll pay! 因为牌一发出，
Phoebe: OK, Monica? I had another answer all ready. 然后呢?
Monica: And you know what? We want a rematch. 我就六亲不认。
Ross: Well that's fine with me. Could use the money. 两位，有东西吃了。
Rachel: (to Ross): So basically, you get your ya-yas by taking 这是从“我爱瑞秋”比萨屋买的吗?
money from all of your friends. 你们还在取笑我?
Ross: (pause)...Yeah. 别这样嘛，为何学起黑社会说话？
Chandler: Yes, and I get my ya-yas from Ikea. You have to put “玩起牌来，我六亲不认。”
them together yourself, but they cost a little less. 你扯太远了
Ross: Look, Rachel, this is poker. I play to win, alright? In 我可不这么认为，因为
order for me to win, other people have to lose. So if you're “我认为你爱她”
gonna play poker with me, don't expect me to be a 'nice guy,' OK? 不，或许我曾对她有意思，
Cause once those cards are dealt... (claps hands three times) 不过现在早已没有感觉了
Joey: (pause)...Yeah? 我…马修你碰那CD碟干吗?
Ross: I'm not a nice guy. 不能再放上去，马修
[Scene: Ross' apartment. Chandler and Joey are there. Ross enters 如果你再按“播放”，我就要给你好看
with a pizza.] 你知道罗斯那混蛋有多烂吗?
Ross: Alright boys, let's eat. 我知道，他实在太好强了。
Chandler: Oh, did you get that from the 'I Love Rachel' pizzeria? 怎么了?
Ross: You still on that? 喂，凯蒂，我是莫妮卡，你是黑人。
Chandler: Oh, come on. What was with that whole Black Bart 拜托
speech? (mimicking): "When I play poker, I'm not a nice guy!" 我没像罗斯那么烂
Ross: You are way off, pal. 我不这么认为，“猜字”游戏那件事呢?
Joey: No, I don't think so, see Ross, because I think you love 我不是故意的。
her. 我在做手势时盘子不小心脱手了。
Ross: Um.... no. See, I might've had feelings for her at one time 我有面试通知了！我有面试通知了！
—not any more. I just—I... 真的？哪里的？
(Marcel makes a screeching noise in background.) 第五大道萨克斯
Ross: Marcel! Where are you going with that disc? 瑞秋
(Marcel puts a CD in the player.) 瑞秋，这就像是旗舰在叫你归队
Ross: You are not putting that on again! Marcel, OK—if you press 是什么工作?
that button, you are in very, very big trouble. 采购助理，我要靠购物……
(The Lion Sleeps Tonight starts to play. Marcel starts to dance.) 来谋生了
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe are 听着，是艾莉丝姑姑。
there.] 她从五岁起便开始玩牌
Rachel: (opening mail) Can you believe what a jerk Ross was 她说的每个字我们都得牢记在心
being? 东尼•蓝道（著名的演员）死了?
Monica: Yeah, I know. He can get really competitive. 我想没有吧。
Phoebe: Ha. Ha, ha. 为什么这么问？
Monica: What? 现在可能已经死了，因为我开车撞到他
Phoebe: Oh, hello, kettle? This is Monica. You're black. 了。
Monica: Please! I am not as bad as Ross. 天啊……真的吗？
Rachel: Oh, I beg to differ. The Pictionary incident? 不，唬你们的，第一课
Monica: That was not an incident! I-I was gesturing, a-and the 告诉你们，玩牌听到的每个字都是狗屁
plate slipped out of my hand. 不错的耳环。
Rachel: Oooooh. (reads letter) (surprised): Oh! I got an 谢……
interview! I got an interview! 坐吧，各位
Monica: You're kidding! Where? Where? 艾莉丝姑姑，这位是菲比，她叫瑞秋
Rachel: (in disbelief): Sak's... Fifth... Avenue. 我的车停在计时器前，
Monica: Oh, Rachel! 开始吧。
Phoebe: Oh, it's like the mother ship is calling you home. 罗斯，我们能听点别的吗?
Monica: Well, what's the job? 好吧
Rachel: Assistant buyer. Oh! I would be shopping... for a living! 我今晚可要倒大楣了
(Knock on door.) 嗨
Monica: OK, look. That is Aunt Iris. This woman has been playing 嗨
poker since she was five. You gotta listen to every word she 猜猜看怎么样，快猜猜看，猜一猜！
says. (opens door) Hi! 第五个牙医也终于屈服了？
Aunt Iris: Is Tony Randall dead? 他们现在都推荐Trident香口胶了？
Rachel: No. （香口胶广告：4/5的牙医推荐Triden
Monica: I don't think so. t）
Rachel: Why? 不，是面试，她喜欢我
Aunt Iris: Well, he may be now, because I think I hit him with my 我们谈了两个半小时
car. 我们对服饰的品味一致，
Monica: What? 我以前还和她的表妹一起去过露营
Rachel: Oh my God! 这工作简直是太棒了。
Monica: Really? 我可以胜任，我能办到。
Aunt Iris: No! That's bluffing. Lesson number one. (walks into 太好了……
kitchen) Let me tell you something... everything you hear at a 然后她告诉我最好笑的事
poker game is pure crap. (to Phoebe): Nice earrings. 很好，你讲时我们一定会笑的。
Phoebe: Thank y... (thinks about it) 玩牌吧
Aunt Iris: Girls, sit down. 各位听好，我们谈过此事，
Monica: Uh, Aunt Iris? This is Phoebe, and that's Rachel... 如果你想不玩我们完全了解
Aunt Iris: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, listen, I am parked at a 对，我们可以玩别的
meter. Let's do it. 像“猜字”之类的
[Scene: Ross's apartment, everyone but Rachel is seated around 真好笑
his table. The Lion Sleep Tonight plays in the background.] 我们想再给扑克牌一次机会
Phoebe: Ross, could we please, please, please listen to anything 是不是，小姐们?
else? 对，我们应该
Ross: Alright. 瑞秋，需要我来洗牌吗?
(Ross shuts off the CD player. Marcel runs into the bedroom and 不用了，我想自己试试
slams the door.) 来吧
Ross: I'm gonna pay for that tonight. 菲比输7块5，莫妮卡输10块，瑞秋输…
(Knock on door. Ross opens it. Rachel enters.) …15大元
Rachel: Hi! 谢谢教我们“斜眼玛丽”。
Ross: Hey. 我们自己玩的时候也可以用，
Rachel: Guys! Guess what, guess what, guess what, guess what! 这是我的7块5，
Chandler: Um, ok... the... the fifth dentist caved and now 你得知道这钱已受到诅咒
they're all recommending Trident? 什么?
Rachel: Noooo... the interview! She loved me! She absolutely 我已对它下咒
loved me. We talked for like two and a half hours, we have the 花这些钱的人会倒大楣
same taste in clothes, and—oh, I went to camp with her cousin... 无所谓，我要了。我反正够倒楣的了。
And, oh, the job is perfect. I can do this. I can do this well! 这样我才能看场电影喘口气
All: That's great! That's wonderful! 才刚离开“格林”扑克牌机就欠15块
Rachel: Oh God, oh, and then she told the funniest story... 男生都这副德行
Monica: OK, great. You'll tell us and we'll laugh. Let's play 我是大男人，我有“小弟弟”，
poker. 我得赢钱增加力量以征服女人
Joey: Alright now listen, you guys, we talked about it, and if 知道吗?还没结束
you don't want to play, we completely understand. 我们会再找你们玩
Chandler: Oh yes, yes, we could play some other game... like, uh, 而且我们会赢你们会输
I don't know... Pictionary? 你们会求饶，我们会大笑
(The guys all duck under the table.) 我们会赢走你们的每一分钱
Monica: Ha, ha, very funny, very funny. But I think we'd like to 你们会永远恨死自己
give poker another try. Shall we, ladies? 我们的意见一致，莫妮卡
Phoebe and Rachel: Yes, we should. I think we should. 现在可以交出钱来吗?
Ross: Uh, Rach, do you want me to shuffle those? 如此我们就不必正式玩了
Rachel: No, no, thats OK. Y'know, I think I'm gonna give it a go. 不，我倒要看看谁笑到最后，猴子男
Ross: Alright. 聊完了没?可以开始玩真的没?
Rachel: Alright... (shuffles cards expertly, all the guys stare 你们看，独眼杰克（J）到处跟踪我
in amazement) 好，玩真的
Commercial Break 不好意思，你要上哪儿去?
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, continued from earlier.] 浴室
Ross: So, Phoebs owes $7.50, Monica, you owe $10, and Rachel, you 你想上厕所还是玩牌?
owe fifteen big ones. 我想上厕所
Joey: But hey, thanks for teachin' us Cross-Eyed Mary. You guys, 好吧，我去订比萨
we gotta play that at our regular game. 不，我仍等着工作的电话通知。
Phoebe: Alright, here's my $7.50. (Hands them the money) But I 比萨店9点才关门，你那时候再吃吧
think you should know that this money is cursed. 行，我含薄荷糖提神
Joey: What? 未见牌不得下注，下注吧
Phoebe: Oh, I cursed it. So now bad things will happen to he who 下！
spends it. 不下。
Chandler: That's alright, I'll take it. Bad things happen to me 你的钱是我的了，格林
anyway. This way I can break 'em up with a movie. 你的拉链没拉上，盖勒
Ross: Well, that just leaves the big Green poker machine, who 我刚刚才意识到
owes fifteen... “Joker”（爱开玩笑的人）是有“J”
Rachel: Mmm-hmmm. Oh, so typical. Ooo, I'm a man. Ooo, I have a 的“poker”（扑克牌）
penis. Ooo, I have to win money to exert my power over women. 巧合吗？
(hands over her money) 那是J碰巧和一个C在一起.
Monica: You know what? This is not over. We will play you again, 菲比?
and we will win, and you will lose, and you will beg, and we will 我不跟了
laugh, and we will take every last dime you have, and you will 我跟
hate yourselves forever. 我也跟
Rachel: Hmm. Kinda stepped on my point there, Mon. 我也跟，你拿什么牌?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is there ready for another 你最好逃出浴室
poker game.] 因为我有个同花(冲马桶)
Ross: So, you gals wanna hand over your money now? That way, we 慢着，慢着。回来吧，小子
don't have to go through the formality of actually playing. 因为我拿了四张六
Rachel: Ooooh, that's fine. We'll see who has the last laugh 我赢了，是我赢了。
there, monkey boy. 我想罗斯的钱得让我赚了
Monica: OK, we done with the chit-chat? Are we ready to play some 我想这是罗斯的
serious poker? 那个也是罗斯的
Phoebe: (holding a card and waving it in front of her face) Hey 我赚到你的钱
you guys, look, the one-eyed jack follows me wherever I go. (they 你再无法见到它
look at her) Right, OK, serious poker. 你的拉链依然没拉上
(Ross gets up from the table.) 我让你低头看了
Monica: Excuse me, where are you going? 我跟不了。莫妮卡？
Ross: Uh... to the bathroom. 莫妮卡,跟还是不跟?
Monica: Do you want to go to the bathroom, or do you wanna play 我讨厌玩牌
poker? 乔伊，你呢?
Ross: I want to go to the bathroom. (exits) 我像是被满脸伤痕的胖子
Joey: Alright, well, I'm gonna order a pizza. (gets up) 撞到肚子的二流妓女
Rachel: Oh no-no-no-no-no, I'm still waiting to hear from that 我不跟
job and the store closes at nine, so you can eat then. 罗斯?
Joey: That's fine. I'll just have a Tic-Tac to hold me over. 我跟
Monica: Alright, Cincinnati, no blinds, everybody ante. (deals 钱德?
cards) 不跟
Phoebe: (looks at her cards) Yes! (everyone looks at her) .... or 我也一样,瑞秋?
no. 我不但跟而且还要加注
(Ross comes back from bathroom.) 如何?还想再浪费钱吗?
Ross: Alright. (to Rachel): Your money's mine, Green. 这一回不会
Rachel: Your fly is open, Geller. (he checks it, and zips up) 快嘛，给我看
(Time lapse.) 给我看
Phoebe: You guys, you know what I just realized? 'Joker' is 不！拿开你的手！
'poker' with a 'J.' Coincidence? 给我看吧
Chandler: Hey, that's... that's 'joincidence' with a 'C'! 不
Joey: Uh... Phoebe? Phoebe? 我有同样的约会经验
Phoebe: Yeah. Um... I'm out. (throws in cards) 天啊，你真是输不起的家伙
Rachel: I'm in. 你的脸涨得好红
Monica: Me too. 太阳穴的小血管都露出来了
Joey: Me too. Alright, whattaya got. 而且衣裤并不相称
Ross: Well, you better hop outta the shower, cause... I gotta 第一，我没输
flush. (lays down cards) 别再谈输了，快发牌吧，你输定了
Rachel: Well, well, well, hop back in bucko, cause I got four 瑞秋格林
sixes! (lays down cards) I won! I actually won! Oh my God! Y'know 请稍等一下
what? (collects chips) I think I'm gonna make a little Ross pile. 这是有关工作的电话
(holds up a chip) I think that one was Ross's, and I think—oh— 芭芭拉，你好吗?
that one was Ross's. Yes! (Starts singing): Well, I have got your 嗯
money, and you'll never see it... 不，我明白
(Ross stands up.) 不，我没事，快别这么说
Rachel: And your fly's still open... 是否还有其他职缺请人?
(Ross looks down.) 喂？ 喂？
Rachel: Ha, I made you look.... 我很遗憾,瑞秋
(Time lapse.) 工作满街都是
Rachel: I couldn't be inner. Monica? 嗯
Phoebe: Monica, in or out? 玩到哪儿了?
Monica: (slams down cards) I hate this game! 拿五张牌
(Joey slides a plate away from Monica towards Chandler, who hides J比较好，大家下注
it under the table.) 瑞秋，别再玩了
Phoebe: OK Joey, your bet. 要玩,下注
Joey: Ahhh, I fold like a cheap hooker who got hit in the stomach 过
by a fat guy with sores on his face. (the girls look at him, 过
confused) Oh, I'm out. 我下5毛钱
Phoebe: Ross? 跟
Ross: Oh, I am very in. 跟
Phoebe: Chandler? 我跟你的5毛钱
Chandler: Couldn't be more out. (throws in cards) 而且我要加…
Phoebe: Me too. Rachel. 5块钱
Rachel: Uh, I will see you... and I'll raise you. (throws chips 我以为5毛是上限
in pot) What do you say... want to waste another buck? 我刚失去工作，所以想加到5块。
Ross: No, not this time. (he folds) So... what'd you have? 各位有问题吗?
Rachel: I'm not telling. (collects chips) 当然没有
Ross: Come on, show them to me. (reaches for her cards, Rachel 不跟了
covers them up) 我也不跟
Rachel: No..! 输家
Ross: Show them to me! 退出
Rachel: Get your hands out of there! No! 退出是什么意思?怎么了?
Ross: Let me see! Show them! 你不是发牌后就六亲不认的狠角色?
Chandler: Y'know, I've had dates like this. 还是只是虚张声势?
Rachel: (deals new hand) Boy, you really can't stand to lose, can 我跟
you? Your whole face is getting red... little veins popping out 要几张牌?
on your temple... 一张
Phoebe: Plus that shirt doesn't really match those pants. 庄家两张
(Ross is visibly upset.) 下多少？
Ross: First of all, I'm not losing... 二块
Rachel: Oh, you are losing. Definitely losing. (phone rings) 我跟,再加你20块
Ross: Let's not talk about losing. Just deal the... 哇
Rachel: (answering phone) Hel-lo, Rachel Green. 我跟你20块
Ross: (mimicking Rachel) Mee mee, mee-mee mee. 再加25块
Rachel: (on phone) Excuse me. (covers up phone; to Ross) It's 跟你25块
about the job. 莫妮卡，拿我的皮包来
(Rachel walks into kitchen to talk on the phone.) 瑞秋，里面没钱
Rachel: Barbara! Hi, how are you? (Listens) Uh-huh. (Listens) No, 那就拿你的皮包来
I understand. Yeah. Oh, oh, come on, no, I'm fine. Don't be 给你，祝好运
silly. Yeah... oh, but you know, if-if anything else opens up, 谢谢，跟你25块，再加
plea—Hello? Hello? (hangs up phone, very depressed) 7块……
(Rachel goes back and sits down. The rest don't know what to 再加10块！
say.) 乔伊，我的钱有点不够
Monica: Sorry, Rach. 没问题，你可以向我借
Phoebe: Y'know, there's gonna be lots of other stuff. 要多少?
Rachel: Yeah...(sigh)....OK. Where were we? Oh, OK... five card 15块
draw, uh... jacks or better... nothing wild, everybody ante. 这里有10块
Joey: Look, Rachel, we don't have to do this. 我这里有5块
Rachel: Yes, we do. (pause) -谢谢，
Monica: Alright, check. 祝你好运
Joey: Check. 跟你十七块，你拿什么牌?
Ross: I'm in for fifty cents. (throws it in) 葫芦（三带二）
Chandler: Call. 你赢了
Phoebe: I'm in. 看,输给她们了
Rachel: I see your fifty cents... and I raise you... five 我以为我们会赢
dollars. (throws it in) 没有好牌就是没有好牌
Ross: I thought, uh... it was a fifty cent limit. 瞧，她多开心
Rachel: Well, I just lost a job, and I'd like to raise the bet 飞机，机场，
five bucks. Does anybody have a problem with that? 机场75，机场77，机场79
(Everyone says no and folds, except for Ross, who thinks about 时间到
it.) 再见…小鸟
Rachel: (to Ross): Loser? 那是小鸟?
(Chandler, Monica, Joey, and Phoebe back their chairs away from 那就是小鸟!
the table.) 该我了
Ross: No, I fold. (lays cards down, and gets up) 开始
Rachel: What do you mean, you fold? Hey, come on! What is this? I 豆，大豆!
thought that 'once the cards were dealt, I'm not a nice guy.' I -生命中无法承受的轻！
mean, what, were you just full of it? -答对了!
(Ross thinks it over, finally sits down and picks up his cards.) 这样就能猜中?
Ross: I'm in. (throws in chips) 这样就能猜中？！
Rachel: How many you want?
Ross: One. (Rachel gives him the card.)
Rachel: Dealer takes two. (she deals herself two cards) What do
you bet?
Ross: I bet two dollars. (throws it in)
Rachel: OK... see your two... and I raise you twenty. (throws it
in)
Ross: I see your twenty, raise you twenty-five. (throws it in)
(The other four look amazed at the large pot.)
Rachel: See your twenty-five...and...uh, Monica, get my purse.
(Monica gets up, looks in Rachel's purse.)
Monica: Rachel, there's nothing in it.
Rachel: OK, then get me your purse.
(Monica gets Rachel her purse.)
Monica: OK, here you go. Good luck.
Rachel: (to Monica): Thank you. (to Ross): I saw your twenty-
five, and I raise you... seven.
Phoebe: ...teen! (throws in a ten-dollar bill)
(Ross looks in his wallet, pulls out two dollars.)
Ross: (to Joey): Joey, I'm a little shy.
Joey: That's OK, Ross, you can ask me. What?
(Ross looks at Joey, dumbfounded at his stupidity.)
Chandler: (to Ross): What do you need, what do you need?
Ross: Fifteen.
Chandler: Alright, here's ten. (gives it to him)
Joey: Here, I got five, I got five. (Ross takes the money)
Ross: Thank you.
Chandler: Good luck.
Ross: (to Rachel): OK, I am calling your seventeen. What do you
got?
(Long pause as they both look at each other.)
Rachel: (lays down cards) Full house.
(Ross stares at her. Thinks about it. Puts cards on table, face
down.)
Ross: You got me.
(Monica and Phoebe get up and start celebrating in the kitchen,
pouring wine and singing. Rachel, shocked, goes to join them.)
Joey: (to Ross): Ahhh, that's alright. Y'know, that's a tough
hand to beat.
Chandler: (to Ross): I thought we had them!
Ross: Oh, well, when you don't have the cards, you don't have the
cards, you know. (looks at Rachel) But, uh... look how happy she
is. (smiles)
(Chandler and Joey look at her, and then look back at him. They
dive for Ross's hand to see what he had, and he tries to stop
them from looking.)
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, all six are playing Pictionary at
Monica's apartment. Monica is drawing a picture, and the three
guys are guessing. She draws what looks like an airplane.]
Chandler: Airplane! Airport! Airport '75! Airport '77! Airport
'79!
(Timer goes off.)
Rachel: Oh, time's up.
Monica: (pointing at the drawing, upset) Bye... bye... BIRDIE.
Joey: Oh!
Phoebe: That's a bird?
(Monica glares at Phoebe.)
Phoebe: That's a bird!
(Monica sits, Rachel gets up.)
Rachel: OK, OK, it's my turn. (reads the answer)
Chandler: Go.
(Rachel starts drawing what looks like a bean.)
Ross: Uh.... bean! Bean!
(Rachel begins tapping the picture of the bean frantically.)
Joey: (triumphantly) The Unbearable Likeness of Being!
Rachel: Yes!
Monica: That, you get? That, you get?
(Monica picks up a glass to take a drink, everyone ducks as
though she was about to throw it.)
End

119 The One Where the Monkey Gets Away

119 The One Where the Monkey Gets Away 119 猴子被送走
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is talking to a customer.]
Rachel: Okay, okay, I checked. We have: Earl Grey, English 我刚看过了
Breakfast, Cinnamon Stick, Camomile, Mint Medley, Blackberry, 我们有伯爵茶，英式早餐茶
and.. oh, wait, there's one more, um.. Lemon Soother. You're not 肉桂茶，菊花茶薄荷茶，黑莓茶
the guy that asked for the tea, are you? (Guy shakes his head) 还有，让我想一下，哦…柠檬派
Okay. 你不是那个要喝茶的人对吧?
Opening Credits 瑞秋，你有信
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica enters with some mail.] 谢谢
Monica: Mail call, Rachel Green, bunk seven. 酷，免费试喝的咖啡
Rachel: Thank you. (Examines it) Oh, cool! Free sample of coffee! 太好了
Monica: Oh good! 'Cause where else would we get any? 因为在哪儿还有免费的咖啡?
Rachel: Oh. Right. ...Oh great. 太好了
Monica: What is it? 那是什么?
Rachel: Country club newsletter. My mother sends me the 乡村俱乐部的每日公报
engagement notices for 'inspiration.' Oh my God! Oh my God, it's 我妈寄来通知有人要订婚了
Barry and Mindy! 噢,我的天!
Monica: Barry who you almost...? 是巴瑞和明蒂
Rachel: Barry who I almost. 巴瑞，你几乎...
Monica: And Mindy, your maid of...? 巴瑞，我几乎...
Rachel: Mindy, my maid of. Oh! 明蒂，你的伴娘
Monica: (Takes it) That's Mindy? Wow, she is pretty. (Sees 明蒂，我的伴娘
Rachel's look) Lucky. To have had a friend like you. 我看看
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Ross are eating Chinese.] 那是明蒂?真漂亮
Ross: Marcel. Bring me the rice, c'mon. Bring me the rice, c'mon. 她真幸运…
Good boy. Good boy. C'mere, gimme the rice. (Marcel brings the 有你这样的朋友
rice) Thank you, good boy. Well, I see he's finally mastered the 马修，拿饭给我，快…
difference between 'bring me the' and 'pee in the'. (Rachel 真乖，谢谢
ignores him) 'Bring me the' and- Rach? 他终于能分辨”拿来”
Rachel: What? 和”尿在”的差别了
Ross: Hi. 瑞秋,怎么啦?
Rachel: Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, this is so stupid! I mean, I gave 抱歉，我真是太笨了
Barry up, right? I should be happy for them! I am, I'm happy for 是我不要巴瑞的
them. 我应该为他们高兴
Ross: Really. 我真为他们高兴
Rachel: No. Oh, oh, I guess it would be different if I were- with 真的?
somebody. 不
Ross: Whoah, uh, what happened to, uh, 'Forget relationships! I'm 如果我和别人在一起就不同了
done with men!' The whole, uh, penis embargo? 你不是说要忘了那段感情
Rachel: Oh, I don't know. I guess it's not about no guys, it's 不再和男人在一起
about the right guy, y'know? I mean, with Barry, it was safe and 厌恶男人吗?
it was easy, but there was no heat. With Paolo, that's all there 我不知道
was, was heat! And it was just this raw, animal, sexual... 我想这不是没有男人的问题
Ross: Wait-wait. I, I got it. I was there. 而是合适男人的问题
Rachel: Well, I mean, do you think you can ever have both? 和巴瑞在一起安全自在
Y'know? Someone who's like, who's like your best friend, but then 没有激情
also can make your toes curl? 和保罗在一起就充满激情
Ross: Yes. Yes. Yes! Yes, I really do! In fact, it's funny, very 如野兽般原始的性爱
often, someone who you wouldn't think could-could curl your toes, 好了，我懂，
might just be the one who... 我看过你们两个在一起的样子
(Enter the other four) 你认为我能两者同时拥有吗?
Monica: Hi. 找到一个能当知己
Ross: ...Gets interrupted. Hi! 又能让我感受到激情的人?
Rachel: Hi, how was the movie? 是呀,我也这么认为.
Monica: Wonderful! 其实说来好笑
Phoebe: So good! 时常你认为无法让你感受到激情的人
Joey: Suck-fest. 却是…
Chandler: Toootal chick-flick. 被打断了
Phoebe: I-I'm sorry it wasn't one of those movies with, like, 电影如何?
y'know, guns and bombs and, like, buses going really fast... 很不错
Joey: Hey, I don't need violence to enjoy a movie. Just so long 很不错
as there's a little nudity. 逊毙了
Monica: There was nudity! 根本是小妞们看的嘛
Joey: I meant female nudity. Alright? I don't need to see Lou 真遗撼这不是枪林弹雨
Grant frolicking. 公车速度奇快的那种电影
Monica and Phoebe: Hugh! Hugh Grant! 暴力并不能吸引我
Ross: Alright, I've gotta go. C'mon, Marcel! C'mon! We're gonna 只要有裸体镜头我就满足了
go take a bath. Yes we are, aren't we? Yes, we are. 那电影也有裸体镜头
Chandler: They're still just friends, right? 我是指女生的裸体镜头
Rachel: (To Marcel) And I will see you tomorrow! 我不爱看卢葛兰的春宫
Ross: That's right, you're gonna spend tomorrow at Aunt Rachel's, 休葛兰
aren't you. 我得走了
Monica: Oh, hang on, hang on. Does Aunt Monica get a say in this? 走吧，马修，快
Ross: 'Pwease, Aunt Monica, pwease?' Oh, unclench. You're not 我们去洗澡
even gonna be there. 对不对?
[Scene: Joe-G's Pizza, the guys are there.] 对
Chandler: I can't believe we are even having this discussion. 他们只是朋友吗?
Joey: I agree. I'm, like, in disbelief. 明天见
Chandler: I mean, don't you think if things were gonna happen 对，你明天要到瑞秋阿姨家
with Rachel, they would've happened already? 等等，摩阿姨能说句话吗?
Ross: I'm telling you, she said she's looking for a relationship 摩阿姨请说
with someone exactly like me. 别紧张了，你不会在这儿的
Joey: She really said that? 我无法相信我们竟在讨论此事
Ross: Well, I added the 'exactly like me' part... But she said 我同意，我也无法相信
she's looking for someone, and someone is gonna be there tonight. 你不认为
Joey: 'Tonight' tonight? 如果你和瑞秋会爱情产生的话
Ross: Well, I think it's perfect. Y'know, it's just gonna be the 还会一直拖到现在吗?
two of us, she spent all day taking care of my monkey... 告诉你，她说她在寻找像我这样的人
Chandler: I can't remember the last time I got a girl to take 她真的这样说?
care of my monkey. ”像我这样”是我自己加的
Ross: Anyway, I figured after work I'd go pick up a bottle of 她说她在寻找某人
wine, go over there and, uh, try to woo her. 而此人今晚就会出现
Chandler: Hey, y'know what you should do? You should take her 今天晚上?
back to the 1890's, when that phrase was last used. 这样最好不过了
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is taking care of Marcel and 因为只有我们两个
they are watching a soap opera.] 她整天都在照顾我的猴子
Rachel: Now, now the one in the feather boa, that's Dr. Francis. 我早已忘记哪个女人照顾过我的猴子
Now, she used to be a man. Okay, now look, see, there's Raven. We 总之下班后我要去买瓶酒
hate her. We're glad she's dying. Okay- (Marcel pushes down a 去向她”示爱”
cushion to reveal a shoe) Wh- wh- Marcel, are you playing with 知道你该怎么做吗?
Monica's shoes? You know you're not supposed to pl- whoah. 带她回到用”示爱”的十九世纪去
Marcel, did you poo in the shoe? (Takes the shoe into the 如果你继续这样
kitchen) Marcel, bad monkey! Oh! Oh! (She notices the newsletter 我发誓这星期内
and taps the contents of the shoes onto it, then folds it shut) 你就可以和这个浑蛋结束
Sorry, Barry. Little engagement gift. I'm sure you didn't 围羽毛围巾的是法博土
register for that. (She leaves the apartment holding the 她曾是个男人
newsletter at arm's length. However, she leaves the door open. 出现了蕾文
Marcel runs out in the opposite direction. There is a shot from 我们讨厌她
the TV and Rachel runs back in) Who died? Who died? Roll him 真高兴她就快死了
over! Oh, c'mon, roll him over! Oh...! Well, we know it wasn't 什么?
Dexter, right Marcel? Because- (Looks down and notices he is 马修，想玩摩妮卡的鞋吗?
missing) Marcel? Marc- (Notices the open door) 你不能玩…
[Time lapse. Now everyone but Ross and Phoebe is back at Monica 马修，你在鞋里大便?
and Rachel's.] 天啊，坏猴子
Joey: How could you lose him? 抱歉，巴瑞，订婚礼物
Rachel: I don't know. We were watching TV, and then he pooped in 我相信你没登记
Monica's shoe- 谁死了?
Monica: Wait. He pooped in my shoe? Which one? 翻过去
Rachel: I don't know. The left one. 不是崔斯勒 马修?
Monica: Which ones? 因为…马修…
Rachel: Oh. Oh, those little clunky Amish things you think go 你怎会把它弄丢了呢?天晓得
with everything. 我正在看电视
Phoebe: (Entering) Hey. 它在摩妮卡的鞋内大便
All: Hi. 它在我的鞋里大便?
Phoebe: Whoah, ooh, why is the air in here so negative? 我不知道，左脚
Chandler: Rachel lost Marcel. 哪一双?
Phoebe: Oh no, how? 搭配什么都好看的阿米许鞋
Monica: He- he pooped in my shoe. 为何一片愁云惨雾?
Phoebe: Which one? 瑞秋把马修弄丢了
Monica: Those cute little black ones I wear all the time. 不会吧，怎么丢的?
Phoebe: No, which one? The right or left? 'Cause the left one is 它在我鞋里大便
lucky... 哪个?
Rachel: C'mon, you guys, what're we gonna do, what're we gonna 我常穿的那只黑鞋
do? 是哪一只?左脚还右脚?
Joey: Alright alright. You're a monkey. You're loose in the city. 因为左脚是幸运鞋
Where do you go? 大家快想办法
Chandler: Okay, it's his first time out, so he's probably gonna 我们该怎么办?
wanna do some of the touristy things. I'll go to Cats, you go to 有了，如果你是只猴子
the Russian Tea Room. 迷失在大城市时
Rachel: Oh, my, God, c'mon, you guys! He's gonna be home any 你会去哪儿?
minute! He's gonna kill me! 这是它第一次出门
Monica: Okay, we'll start with the building. You guys take the 所以大概和一般游客一样
first and second floor, Phoebe and I'll take third and fourth. 我去百老汇找.
Rachel: Well, what'm I gonna do? What'm I gonna do? 你去俄罗斯茶坊.
Monica: Okay, you stay here, and just wait by the phone. Spray 别再闹了
Lysol in my shoe, and wait for Ross to kill you. 他马上就会回家
(They all leave) 他不会饶过我的
Rachel: Anybody wanna trade? Oh... 我们从这栋公寓开始找起
[Cut to a hallway in the building, Monica and Phoebe are knocking 你们找一楼和二楼
on a door. Mr. Heckles emerges.] 菲此和我找三楼和四楼
Mr. Heckles: Whaddyou want? 我该怎么办?
Monica: Mr. Heckles, our friend lost a monkey. Have you seen it? 你留在家里等电话
Mr. Heckles: I left a Belgian waffle out here, did you take it? 在我鞋内啧芳香剂
Monica: No! 顺便等罗斯回来杀你
Phoebe: Why would you leave your Belgian waffle in the hall? 有人要交换吗?
Mr. Heckles: I wasn't ready for it. 干嘛?
Monica: A monkey. Have you seen a monkey? 哈先生
Mr. Heckles: Saw Regis Philbin once... 我们朋友遗失了一只猴子
Phoebe: Okay, thank you, Mr. Heckles. (They move off) 你有看见吗?
Mr. Heckles: You owe me a waffle. 我放了威化饼在这儿
[Cut to Monica and Rachel's.] 是不是你拿了?
Rachel: (On the phone) Okay, he's a, he's a black capuchian 不!
monkey with a white face... (Enter Ross) ...with, with Russian 你怎会放威化饼在走廊?
dressing and, and pickles on the side. Okay. Thanks. 我还不想吃
Ross: Hey. How did, uh, how'd it go today? 你有看见猴子吗?
Rachel: Great! It went great. Really great. Hey, is that wine? 我见到过一次”理吉斯菲邦”（著名电
Ross: Yeah. You, uh, you want some? 视节目主持人）
Rachel: Oh, I would love some. But y'know what? Y'know what? 谢谢你，哈先生
Let's not drink it here. I'm feeling kinda crazy. You wanna go to 你们欠我威化饼
Newark? 他是一只白脸的黑卷尾猴
Ross: Uh, okay, yeah, we could do that, but before we head off to 加俄国酱外加腌黄瓜
the murder capital of the North-East, I was, uh, kinda wanting to 好，谢谢
run something by you. Y'know how we were, uh, y'know, talking 今天过得如何?很好啊
before about, uh, relationships and stuff? (Uncorks the wine) 很好啊
Well- 真的很不错.那是酒吗?
Rachel: Oh God, Ross, I cannot do this. 是的,想喝吗?
Ross: Okay, quick and painful. (Starts to cork the wine) 可是我们别在这儿喝
Rachel: Oh God... Okay. Alright. Alright. Okay. Ross, please 我感觉有点疯狂
don't hate me. 我们去纽华克好吗?
Ross: Oh, what? What-what? 什么?
Rachel: Y'know Marcel? 当然可以去
Ross: ...Yeah? 前往这东北犯罪首府
Rachel: Well, I kind of... I kind of lost him. 我有些话想说
[Cut to outside the window, with Ross reacting with disbelief. 我们曾谈过感情的问题
The shot pans back until we see Marcel sitting on the window 罗斯，我受不了了
ledge.] 你回绝得倒是很快嘛
Commercial Break 好吧，罗斯，别恨我
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.] 到底是什么?
Ross: (Angry) I- I- I ca- I can't believe this. I mean, all I 马修它…
asked you to do was keep him in the apartment. 我把它…弄丢了
Rachel: I know, I know, I'm sorry- 我真不敢相信
Ross: No, y'know what, I guess it's partially my fault. Y'know, I 我只是麻烦你别让它跑出去
shouldn't've, uh, asked you to start off with a monkey. I 我知道，对不起
should've started you off with like a pen or a pencil. 不，我该负一半的责任
Rachel: (Tearfully) Ross, I'm doing everything that I can, I've 我不该叫你照顾猴子
got everybody looking for him, and I- (Door buzzer goes and she 应该叫你照顾笔才对
runs to get it) Oh! Who is it? 罗斯，我已尽最大的努力
Intercom: Animal Control. 我已叫大家分头去找
Rachel: See? I've even called Animal Control! 是谁?
Ross: You called Animal Control? 动物控制中心.
Rachel: Uh-huh... why... do you not like them? 瞧，我甚至打给动物控制中心
Ross: Marcel is an illegal exotic animal. I'm not allowed to have 你打给动物控制中心?
him in the city. If they find him, they'll take him away from me. 怎么了?你不喜欢他们?
Rachel: O-okay, now see, you never ever ever told us that... 马修是非法的外来动物
Ross: That's right, I.. 'cause I didn't expect you were gonna 我是非法饲养
invite them to the apartment! 万一被他们找到他们就会带走它
(A knock on the door. Rachel swiftly opens it) 你从来就没有告诉大家
Rachel: Hi, thanks for coming. 没错，因为我没想到你会请他们来
Luisa: (Animal Control) Somebody called about a monkey? 谢谢你来
Rachel: Oh, y'know what? That was a complete misunderstanding! 有人遗失猴子?
(Ross puts his arms around her and they act all sweetness and 对，这是个误会
light) 我以为我们有养猴子
Ross: Yeah, we thought we had a monkey, but we-we didn't. 但是我们没有
Rachel: Turned out it was a hat. 结果是帽子
Ross: Cat! 猫
Rachel: Cat! What'm I saying? Cat! 猫
(Luisa nods, but then Monica and Phoebe run in) 猫，我刚说什么?
Monica: Hi. We checked the third and fourth floor, no-one's seen 我们问过三楼和四楼
Marcel. 没人看见马修
Luisa: Marcel? 我叔叔马修
Ross: My uncle Marcel. 那猴子是以你叔叔命名?
Phoebe: Oh, is that who the monkey's named after? 你知道持有非法外来动物
Luisa: Oookay. Are you aware that possession of an illegal exotic 可判刑两年并没收动物?
is, uh, punishable by up to two years in prison and confiscation 天啊，你要把猴子关进监牢?
of the animal? 菲比，你记得如何先对自己小声说吗?
Phoebe: Oh my God. You'd put that poor little creature in jail? 记得，但总不是时候.
Monica: Pheebs, you remember how we talked about saying things 我相信我们能以友善的处理方式
quietly to yourself first? 请坐
Phoebe: Yes, but there isn't always time! 首先，我们还没自己介绍
Monica: Look. I'm sure there's some friendly way to reconcile 我叫摩妮卡
this! Um, have a seat. First of all, we haven't been introduced, 天啊，你是莫尼卡
I'm Monica Geller. 还有，你是瑞秋对吗?
Luisa: Oh my God, you are! And you're Rachel Green! 露莎，林肯高中
Rachel: Yeah! 我坐在你们后面
Luisa: Luisa Gianetti! Lincoln High? I sat behind you guys in 露莎
home room! 摩妮卡，是露莎
Rachel: Luisa? Oh my God! Monica! It's Luisa! 是在后面那个?
Monica: The Luisa from home room! 没错.
Rachel: Yes!! 你们根本不知道我是谁对不?
Luisa: You have no idea who I am, do you. 不,一点也不.
Monica: No, none at all. 或许你们那四年
Rachel: None. 都在当我不存在
Luisa: Well, maybe that's because you spent four years ignoring 难道说”早安，露莎”
me. I mean, would it have been so hard to say 'Morning, Luisa'? 或”好漂亮的连身裤”有那么困难吗?
Or 'Nice overalls'? 对不起
Monica: Oh, I'm- I'm so sorry! 我不怪你，你当时很胖
Luisa: Ah, it's not so much you, you were fat, you had your own 你有自己的烦恼
problems. (To Rachel) But you? What a bitch! 可是你实在是个贱货
Rachel: What?! 什么?
Monica: Be that as it may, d'you think you could just help us out 别计较了
here on that monkey thing? Y'know, just for old times' sake? Go 你真认为你能帮我们找猴子?
Bobcats? 看在过去的份上?
Luisa: I could... but I won't. If I find that monkey, he's mine. 帮我们找
(Leaves) 我可以，我不
Phoebe: Dun-dun-duuuur! Sorry. 找到猴子后
[Cut to another part of the building. We see Marcel jump in 它就是我的了
through a window and run down some stairs, then Chandler and Joey 抱歉
come down from the upper floor without noticing.] 马修?
Chandler: Marcel? 马修?
Joey: Marcel? 需要帮忙吗?
Chandler: Marcel? 我们有急事
Joey: Marcel? 我们在找东西
(They come to a door and silently agree to try it. A very sweaty 猴子
woman emerges) 对，你有看见吗?
Woman No. 1: Hi, can I help you? 我没看见猴子
(Chandler and Joey are dumbstruck for a moment) 你知道如何修理散热器吗?
Chandler: Um, we're kind of having an emergency and we-we were 当然你试过将转钮转回去吗?
looking for something... 当然
Joey: A monkey. 那我就不知道了
Chandler: Yes have you seen any? 试试这个是不是加太多兰姆酒了?
Woman No. 1: No. No, haven't seen a monkey. Do you know anything 等等，希望你们能找到猴子
about fixing radiators? 不，等等
Joey: Um, sure! Did you, uh, did you try turning the knob back 我们对散热器或许不太懂
the other way? 我们可是冷暖环境的专家
Woman No. 1: Of course. 我们不是正在忙吗?
Joey: Oh. Then, no. 对，她们很热而且需要帮助
(Another sweaty woman comes to the door and speaks to her friend) 而且很火辣
Woman No. 2: Did I put too much rum in here? 我们不行
(Joey and Chandler shoot each other glances) 抱歉你们不知道
Woman No. 1: Just a sec. (To Chandler and Joey) Hope you find 我们有多抱歉
your monkey. (She starts to shut the door) 我们答应人家要找猴子
Chandler: Oh, nononowaitwaitwaitnono! Uh... we may not know 如果你们看见它
anything about radiators per se, but we do have a certain amount 它约这么高，名叫马修
of expertise in the heating and cooling... mileu. 如果能拥有你们的照片
Joey: Uh, aren't we kind of in the middle of something here? 就算是帮了大忙
Chandler: Yes, but these women are very hot, and they need our 从现在起不准你和其他人讲话
help! And they're very hot. 马修?
Joey: We can't, alright? (To the women) We're sorry. You have no 马修?
idea how sorry, but... We promised we'd find this monkey. If you 马修?
see him, he's about yea high and answers to the name Marcel, so 马修?
if we could get some pictures of you, you'd really be helping us 噢,我的天
out. 有东西碰到我的右脚
(The women quickly shut the door) 是什么?
Chandler: Okay, from now on, you don't get to talk to other 没什么，是我的左脚
people. 看，菲此
Joey: Marcel? 马修，过来…
Chandler: Marcel?! 站过去，两位小姐
[Cut to Monica and Phoebe searching the basement.] 你要干什么?
Phoebe: Marcel? 打镇定剂
Monica: Marcel? 快跑,马修,快跑!
Phoebe: Marcel? 你还好吧?
Both: Marcel? 还行.哦
Phoebe: Oh-my-God! 马修…这简直是太荒谬了
Monica: Whaaat! 我们到处都找遍了
Phoebe: Something just brushed up against my right leg! 它不见了，就这么消失了
Monica: What is it? 罗斯，还不一定
Phoebe: Oh, it's okay, it was just my left leg. 拜托，天气好冷天又黑
(Marcel makes a monkeyish noise. He is sitting in the corner) 它根本不认识路
Monica: Look, Phoebe! 现在我的脚又受伤了
Phoebe: Yeah! Oh, c'mere, Marcel! Oh, Marcel, c'mere! 猴子换来受伤的脚
(Luisa appears on the stairs) 真的感谢你
Luisa: Step aside, ladies! (She loads a gun) 罗斯，我已向你道歉过无数次
Monica: What're you gonna do? 你到底要我怎么样?
Luisa: Just a small tranquiliser. 你到底想怎样?你也要我的脚受伤?
(In slow motion we see Phoebe look at Marcel, then at Luisa. She 瞧，高兴了吧
jumps toward Marcel just as Luisa fires the gun.) 对，你踢完路标后
Monica: Run, Marcel, run! Run, Marcel! (Marcel runs off and Luisa 我突然不再想念马修了
runs after him. Monica goes to check up on Phoebe) Are you okay? 我真的不是故意的
Phoebe: Yeah, think so. Oh! (She notices the tranquiliser dart 当然，这是典型的瑞秋
has hit her in the butt and removes it) Huh. (Sways back) Whoah. 这种事常发生在你身上
Monica: Oh gosh. 你活在自己的世界中
[Cut to Marcel walking along a hallway. He notices a banana on 完全无视于别人的猴子
the floor and picks it up. The hand of an unseen person grabs him 或是别人的感觉…
and carries him away. Then cut to Ross and Rachel on the street 罗斯
outside.] 我不想听
Ross: Marcel? 罗斯
Rachel: Marcel? 罗斯
Ross: Marc- oh, this is ridiculous! We've been all over the 搬香蕉的
neighbourhood. He's gone, he's-he's just gone. 这下可好
Rachel: Ross, you don't know that. 一边的屁股在睡觉
Ross: Oh come on. It's cold, it's dark, he doesn't know the 另一边却毫无所知
Village. (Kicks a sign in frustration) And now I have a broken 你有订香蕉吗?
foot. I have no monkey, and a broken foot! Thank you very much. 那是干吗的?
Rachel: Ross, I said I'm sorry like a million times. What do you 还我的猴子.
want me to do? You want me to break my foot too? Okay, I'm gonna 我没猴子
break my foot, right here. (Kicks the sign) Ow!! Oh! Oh my God, 干嘛买一箱香蕉?补充钾
oh my God! There, are you happy now?! 马修?它在哪儿?
Ross: Yeah, yeah. Y'know, now that you kicked the sign, hey! I 马修?它在哪儿?
don't miss Marcel any more! 马修
Rachel: Y'know, it is not like I did this on purpose. 你对它怎么了?
Ross: Oh, no no no. Nono, this is just vintage Rachel. I mean, 这是我的猴子，它叫佩蒂
things just sort of happen around you. I mean, you're off in 你疯了不成
Rachel-land, doing your Rachel-thing, totally oblivious to 过来，马修…
people's monkeys, or to people's feelings... 过来，佩蒂
Rachel: Ross. 猴子过来…
Ross: I don't even wanna hear it, you're just... 总算逮到你了
Rachel: Ross. 把我的猴子还给我
Ross: Oh, forget it, okay? 那是我的猴子
Rachel: Ross! 你们到法官面前去争吧
Ross: What? What? 那不是我的猴子
(A man carrying a box of bananas walks past them. They stare for 只有衣服是我的
a minute and then hobble after him) 随时可以送回来
Both: Hey! Hey, Bananaman! 我要我的猴子
(Scene 4: Everyone in the hall outside Mr. Heckles' door. Ross is 露莎，拜托抱歉了，舞会皇后
carrying the box of bananas. He bangs on the door) 你高中时干嘛那么贱
Phoebe: Oh, this is so intense. One side of my butt is totally 为何不当个胖妹?
asleep, and the other side has no idea. 在学校我是舞会皇后
(Mr. Heckles opens the door) 返校皇后和班代
Ross: Hi, did you order some bananas? 你也在场
Mr. Heckles: What about it? 如果你把猴子带走
Ross: Gimme back my monkey. 我将失去我生命中重要的人
Mr. Heckles: I don't have a monkey. 你可以恨我
Rachel: Then what's with all the bananas? 请别折磨他
Mr. Heckles: Potassium. 此时你有机会成为大人物
(There is a monkey-like noise from within and Ross pushes past 把握机会吧
Mr. Heckles and enters his apartment) 不
Ross: Marcel? Marcel? Okay, where is he? Where is he? Marcel? 那么我只好告诉你的长官
Marcel? 你在我朋友的屁股上开了一枪
(Marcel jumps into view wearing a pink dress. Everybody gasps) 终于能脱去这件衣服
Ross: Marcel! What've you done to him? 或是这样也不错
Mr. Heckles: That's my monkey. That's Patti, Patti the monkey. 配上鞋就是完整的一套
Ross: Are you insane? C'mere, Marcel, c'mon. (Marcel starts to go 抱歉，我对你这么凶
to him) 不，这都是我的错
Mr. Heckles: C'mere, Patti. (Marcel turns round) 我差点…
Ross: C'mere, Marcel. (Turns to Ross) 不，它也是你找回来的
Mr. Heckles: C'mere, Patti. (Turns to Mr. Heckles) 你做得很好
Luisa: (Out of shot) Here, monkey. Here, monkey! Here, monkey! 那瓶酒还在
(Marcel runs to the door and into Luisa's cage, which she slams 有心情喝杯葡萄酒吗?
shut) Gotcha. 好呀.
Ross: Okay, gimme my monkey back. 很好
Mr. Heckles: That's my monkey. 隔壁一定在用吸尘器
Luisa: You're both gonna have to take this up with the judge. 只要我们在这儿不谈那个话题
Mr. Heckles: That's not my monkey. Just the dress is mine, you 我在想我们刚刚实在是恶言相向
can send that back whenever. 大概是因为我们…
Ross: Alright, I want my monkey. 瑞秋
Luisa: No! 我办不到
Rachel: Oh, c'mon, Luisa! 我无法和明蒂结婚
Luisa: Sorry, prom queen. 我想我爱的人依然是你
Ross: (To Rachel) You had to be a bitch in high school, you 我们得开始锁门了
couldn't've been fat. 这是演”真善美”的我
Rachel: Alright. In high school I was the prom queen and I was 看见范崔普的孩子吗?没有
the homecoming queen and the class president and you... were also 因为我挡在他们前面
there! But if you take this monkey, I will lose one of the most 我以为那是阿尔卑斯山
important people in my life. You can hate me if you want, but 我的高中时代并不如意
please do not punish him. C'mon, Luisa, you have a chance to be 我爱高中,知道吗?
the bigger person here! Take it! 那只是.
Luisa: Nope. 四年的舞会，约会和做爱
Rachel: Alright. Well then how about I call your supervisor, and 是吗?
I tell her that you shot my friend in the ass with a dart? 我上住宿的学校和四百个男孩子
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Rachel and Ross are there. Ross is 每次做爱都是一次生活方式的重大抉择
trying to get the dress off Marcel.] 天啊，那不是回到史前时代?
Ross: It'll be nice to get this off finally, won't it? Yes it 我的屁股醒了
will. (Marcel resists) Or we can leave it on for now, that's
fine.
Rachel: Y'know, with the right pair of pumps, that would be a
great little outfit.
Ross: Listen, I'm- I'm sorry I was so hard on you before, it's
just I...
Rachel: Oh, Ross, c'mon. It's my fault, I almost lost your...
Ross: Yeah, but you were the one who got him back, y'know? You,
you were great. ...Hey, we uh, we still have that, uh, that
bottle of wine. You in the mood for, uh, something grape?
Rachel: That'd be good.
Ross: Alright. (He goes to get the glasses. Then he hesitates and
turns off the main light. Rachel looks round and he acts
surprised) The, uh, the neighbours must be vacuuming. (He sits
down and starts to pour the wine) Well, so long as we're here
and, uh, not on the subject, I was thinking about, uh, how mad we
got at each other before, and, um, I was thinking maybe it was
partially because of how we, um...
(Barry bursts in)
Barry: Rachel.
Rachel: Barry?!
Barry: I can't. I can't do it, I can't marry Mindy. I think I'm
still in love with you.
Ross and Rachel: Oh!
Ross: We have got to start locking that door!
Closing Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Joey, Phoebe, and Chandler are
looking through Monica's high school yearbook]
Monica: This is me in The Sound of Music. See the von Trapp kids?
Phoebe: Nope.
Monica: That's because I'm in front of them.
Chandler: Eh. I thought that was an alp.
Monica: Well, high school was not my favourite time.
Joey: I dunno, I loved high school. Y'know? It was just four
years of parties and dating and sex.
Chandler: Yeah, well I went to boarding school with four hundred
boys. Any sex I had would've involved a major lifestyle choice.
Monica: Gosh, doesn't it seem like a million years ago?
Phoebe: Oh. Oooh! Ooh! Ooh! (She stands up and starts to dance
around) Ooh! My butt cheek is waking up! Oooh! Ooh!
End

120 The One With the Evil Orthodontist

120 The One With the Evil Orthodontist 120 风流牙医

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is there.]

Chandler: I can't believe you would actually say that. I would 我真不敢相信你会这么说
much rather be Mr.Peanut than Mr.Salty. 我是盐先生而非花生先生?
Joey: No way! Mr.Salty is a sailor, all right, he's got to be, 才怪，盐先生是个水手
like, thetoughest snack there is. 他应该是最顽强的点心
Ross: I don't know, you don't wanna mess with corn nuts. They're 我不知道
craaazy. 你不会想和玉米作对的
Monica: (looking out of the window) Oh my God. You guys! You 它们简直是疯了
gotta come see this! There's some creep out there with a 上帝呀
telescope! 有个变态拿着望远镜
Ross: I can't believe it! He's looking right at us! 我真不敢相信他在看我们
Rachel: Oh, that is so sick. 真呕心
Chandler: I feel violated. And not in a good way. 我感觉被冒犯了而且很不爽
Phoebe: How can people do that?... (All but Phoebe walk away from 怎会有人这样?
the window in disgust.) Oh, you guys, look! Ugly Naked Guy got 你们看，丑陋裸男有双重力鞋
gravity boots! 告诉你们
Opening Credits 几年后学童将会
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Rachel is there.] 把它奉为第一次约会的经典加以研读
Chandler: I am telling you, years from now, schoolchildren will 它太令人无法置信
study it as one of the greatest first dates of all time. It was 我们可以完全作自己
unbelievable! We could totally be ourselves, we didn't have to 无须再玩任何游戏
play any games... 你打过电话给她没?
Monica: So have you called her yet? 让她知道我喜欢她?
Chandler: Let her know I like her? What are you, insane? (The 你疯了不成
girls make disgusted noises.) It's the next day! How needy do I 制片：陶德史帝芬
want to seem? (To the guys) I'm right, right? 真的
Joey and Ross: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Let her dangle. 才第二天你要我显得多渴望?
Monica: I can't believe my parents are actually pressuring me to 对吧?
find one of you people. 对,让她慢慢等吧
Phoebe: Oh, God, just do it! (Grabbing the phone.) Call her! Stop 我无法相信我爸妈
being so testosteroney! 强迫我找你们这种男人
Chandler: Which, by the way, is the real San Francisco treat. 快，拿起电话打给她
(Calls her, then hurriedly hangs up.) I got her machine. 别摆出一付臭男人的样子
Joey: Her answer machine? 对了，旧金山真有这道菜
Chandler: No, interestingly enough her leaf blower picked up. 是机器
Phoebe: So, uh, why didn't you say anything? 她的答录机?
Chandler: Oh, no-no-no-no. Last time I left a spontaneous message 不，真有意思，是落叶机清扫机
I ended up using the phrase "Yes indeedy-o." 你为何不说话?
Monica: Look look! It's Rachel and Barry. No, don't everybody 不行
look at once! 上次我留话时
Ross: Okay, okay, what's going on? 结果说了”对，的确”
Phoebe: Okay, they're just talking... 看，是瑞秋和巴瑞
Ross: Yeah, well, does he look upset? Does he look like he was 不，别一起看
just told to shove anything? 怎么了?
Phoebe: No, no actually, he's smiling.. and... Oh my God, don't 他们只是在讲话
do that!! 是吗?他是否神情落寞?
Ross: What? What? What?! 他是否像被告知去死的样子?
Phoebe: That man across the street just kicked that pigeon! 没有，而且他正在微笑
(Rachel enters.) Oh! 我的老天,不要那样干?
Chandler: (bluffing) And basically, that's how a bill becomes a 怎么啦?
law. 对街的男人踢了一只鸽子
All: Oh!... Right! 这就是法案成为法律的原因
Chandler: Hey Rach! 瑞秋
Monica: How'd it go? 情况如何?
Rachel: Y'know, it was, uh.. it was actually really great. He 好极了
took me to lunch at the Russian Tea Room, and I had that chicken, 他带我到俄国茶室吃饭
where y'know you poke it and all the butter squirts out... 我点了那种鸡肉
Phoebe: Not a good day for birds... 一刺就有奶油啧出来的那种
Rachel: Then we took a walk down to Bendall's, and I told him not 今天真不是鸟儿的好日子
to, but he got me a little bottle of Chanel... 然后我们去精品店
Ross: That's nice... now, was that before or after you told him 我告诉他不要他还是买了香奈儿给我
to stop calling, stop sending you flowers and to generally leave 真体贴
you alone, hmm? 是在你跟他说之前还是之后送的
Rachel: Right,.. well,.. we never actually got to that... Oh, it 叫他别再打电话来
was just so nice to see him again, y'know? It was comfortable, it 别再送你花，别再来烦你?
was familiar... it was just nice! 老实说我没机会开口
Ross: That's, that's nice twice! 能再见到他的感觉真好
Monica: Rachel, what's going on? I mean isn't this the same Barry 感觉是那么自在而熟悉
who you left at the altar? 感觉真好
Joey: Duh, where've you been? 你已讲了两遍
Rachel: Yeah, but it was different with him today! And he wasn't, 瑞秋，你是怎么了?
like, Orthodontist Guy, y'know? I mean, we had fun! Is there 他不是在圣坛前被你甩掉的巴瑞吗?
anything wrong with that? 你上哪儿去了?
(Ross 'prompts' Chandler by hitting him on the arm.) 今天和他在一起感觉不同
Chandler: Yes! 他今天不像是牙医
Rachel: Why? 我们玩得很开心
Chandler: I have my reasons. 这样有什么不对吗?
Monica: Okay, how about the fact that he's engaged to another 当然!
woman, who just happens to be your ex-best friend? 为什么?
Rachel: All right. All right, all right, all right, all right, I 我有我的理由
know it's stupid! I will go see him this afternoon, and I will 他订婚的对象是你前任的知己呢?
just put an end to it! 好吧好吧好吧
[Scene: Barry's Office, the post-coital Barry and Rachel are 我知道这样做很傻
recovering on the chair.] 我下午去找他谈分手
Rachel: Wow... Wow! 我不疯狂吧?我从未像这样
Barry: Yeah. 从未
Rachel: I'm not crazy, right? I mean, it was never like that. 这儿有个小水槽真好
Barry: Nooo, it wasn't. 丹妮尔
Rachel: Ooh, and it's so nice having this little sink here... 没想到是答录机接的
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is there except Rachel.] 有空请回电
Chandler: (on phone, reading from a script) Oh, Danielle! I 再见
wasn't expecting the machine... Give me a call when you get a 你这两小时都在忙这个?
chance. (Rattles some dishes) Bye-bye. (Hangs up.) Oh God! 我在演练
Monica: That's what you've been working on for the past two 和盘子有何关系?
hours?! 我要她以为我在餐厅
Chandler: Hey, I've been honing! 我过着不错的生活
Ross: What was with the dishes? 不是只在这儿演练数小时的样子
Chandler: Oh, uh.. I want her to think I might be in a 看，又是那个拿望远镜的人
restaurant.. y'know? I might have some kind of life, like I 拜托，走开，别再往这儿看
haven't been sitting around here honing for the past few hours. 这下可好，他也挥手了
Monica: (looking out the window) Look look! He's doing it again, 我们得想办法阻止他
the guy with the telescope! 早上我逮到他往这儿看
Phoebe: Oh my God! (Walks to the window) Go away! (Gesturing.) 真是令我毛骨惊然
Stop looking in here! 我感觉自己无法办事
Monica: Great, now he's waving back. 什么样的事情呀?
Joey: Man, we gotta do something about that guy. This morning, I 成熟点行吗？
caught him looking into our apartment. It creeps me out! I feel 我不是指性
like I can't do stuff! 我只是光着屁股做饭
Monica: What kinda stuff? 你光着屁股做饭?
Joey: Will you grow up? I'm not talking about sexy stuff, but, 对，吐司，燕麦
like, when I'm cooking naked. 不会溅出来的东西
Phoebe: You cook naked? 看我干嘛?我毫不知情
Joey: Yeah, toast, oatmeal... nothing that spatters. 怎么了?
(A pause as they look at Chandler.) 巴瑞,这样不好
Chandler: What are you looking at me for? I didn't know that. 不,不
[Scene: Barry's Office, Rachel and Barry are getting married.] 是非常非常好
Barry: What's the matter? 明蒂呢?
Rachel: Oh, it's just... Oh, Barry, this was not good. 我们干得比明蒂好多了.
Barry: No, it was. It was very very good. 不，我是指你和明蒂
Rachel: Well, what about Mindy? 如果你愿意我就和她分手
Barry: Oh, way, way better than Mindy. 万万不行，别那样做
Rachel: No, not that, I mean, what about you and Mindy? 别为我那样做
Barry: Well, if you want, I'll just—I'll just break it off with 法大夫,巴比来做调整
her. 谢谢
Rachel: No. No-no-no-no, no. I mean, don't do that. Not, I mean 我们周末去渡假
not for me. 巴瑞,这样太…
Bernice: (over intercom) Dr. Farber, Bobby Rush is here for his 不,或许我们可以去阿鲁巳
adjustment. 我在”蜜月”时去过了
Barry: (into intercom) Thanks, Bernice. (To Rachel) Let's go away 感觉很棒，你一定会喜欢的
this weekend. 我本来有穿胸罩
Rachel: Oh, Barry..! Come on, this is all way too.. 法大夫
Barry: We can, we can go to Aruba! When I went there on what 格林小姐,看来一切正常
would have been our honeymoon, it was, uh... it was really nice. 进步许多
You would've liked it. 干嘛?
(Pause as Rachel realises...) 我十二岁了,我不笨
Rachel: I had a bra. 能借用你的电话吗?
(Barry finds it draped on a cupboard and gives it to Rachel, they 可以,不过...
kiss as Bobby enters.) 我指点你一下
Bobby: Hey, Dr. Farber. 你拿的那支也是电话
(Rachel and Barry quickly split and pretend Barry is examining 这电话没问题啊
Rachel's mouth.) 她为何不回电?
Barry: All right Miss Green, everything looks fine... Yep, I 或许她没听到你的留言
think we're starting to see some real progress here. 如果愿意你可以打给她的留言机
(Bobby looks on, deadpan.) 如果听见许多哔声
Rachel: What?! 那代表她或许没听见留言
Bobby: I'm twelve, I'm not stupid. 难道你不认为这样会使我感觉有点…
(Rachel glares at him.) 绝望，渴望，可悲?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler enters clutching his 你显然看过我的征友启事
phone.] 哔几声?
Chandler: Can I use your phone? 她接的
Monica: Yeah.. uh, but for future reference, that thing in your 此时你该向她打招呼才对
hand can also be used as a phone. 我不能跟她讲话
(Chandler dials his own phone and it rings.) 她显然听到我的留言而且选择不回电
Chandler: Yes, it's working! Why isn't she calling me back? 我既渴望又被人冷落
Joey: Maybe she never got your message. 我真想念纯渴望的滋味
Phoebe: Y'know, if you want, you can call her machine, and if she 嘿,他表现如何?
has a lot of beeps, that means she probably didn't get her 还不错
messages yet. 瑞秋
Chandler: Y'don't think that makes me seem a little... 你头发上为何有牙线?
Ross: ...desperate, needy, pathetic? 有吗?
Chandler: Ah, you obviously saw my personal ad. 我们在他椅子上做爱
(He calls and quickly hangs up.) 你们在他椅子上做爱?
Phoebe: How many beeps? 我是否说得太大声?
Chandler: She answered. 你们什么?
Monica: Y'see, this is where you'd use that 'hello' word we 在他椅子上做爱
talked about. 你到底在想什么?
Chandler: I'm not gonna talk to her, she obviously got my message 我也不知道
and is choosing not to call me. Now I'm needy and snubbed. God, I 我们仍在乎对方
miss just being needy. 我们曾相爱过
(Rachel enters.) 就像你和卡萝一样
All: Hey! Hi! 不，不像我和卡萝
Phoebe: How'd he take it? 拜托
Rachel: Pretty well, actually... (Wandering into the kitchen.) 如果她说：罗斯我要你躺在这沙发上
Monica: (wandering in after her) Uh, Rach... how come you have 此时此地，你会怎么回答?
dental floss in your hair? 如果需要我可以过去点
Rachel: Oh, do I? 这完全是两回事
Monica: Uh huh. 这是苹果和橘子
Rachel: (in a low voice) We ended up having sex in his chair. 牙医和女同志
Monica: You had sex in his chair?!... I said that a little too 我走了
loudly, didn't I? 你要上哪儿去?
Ross: You-you had what? 我就是要走，行吗?
Phoebe: Sex in his chair. 需要理由吗?
Ross: What, uh... what were you thinking? 我有自己的人生要过
Rachel: I don't know! I mean, we still care about each other. 我有许多事要做
There's a history there. 'S'like you and Carol. 我已经被某事给耽误了
Ross: No! No no, it is nothing like me and Carol! 明蒂，你好
Rachel: Please. If she said to you, "Ross, I want you on this 对，我听说了，恭喜
couch, right here, right now," what would you say? 这真是太好了
(Ross flounders.) 我明天要上班
Chandler: If it helps, I could slide over. 如果愿意可以到店里
Ross: It's, it's, it's, uh, a totally diferent situation! It's, 太好了
it's apples and oranges, it's, it's orthodontists and lesbi- I 明天见了
gotta go. 天呀 天呀 天呀
Phoebe: Where are you going? 明蒂好吗?
Ross: (leaving) I just have to go, all right? Do I need a reason? 她明天想见我
Huh? I mean I have things to do with my life, I have a jam packed 她的语调好诡异
schedule, and I am late- for keeping up with it. Okay? 我得打电话给巴瑞
(Ross exits, a phone rings, and Chandler dives for his phone.) 是我，明蒂
Chandler: Hello? Hello? 不，我想你可能会在那儿
(Rachel picks up their phone and the ringing stops. As she 你这种人都该下地狱
talks on the phone, an elaborate visual gag is spun out which is 偷窥狂又出现了，蹲下
too difficult to describe in words.) 蹲下?
Rachel: (on phone) Hello?(Listens) Mindy! Hi! Hey, how are you? 接着跳舞.
(Listens) Yes, yes, I've heard, congratulations, that is so 谢谢
great. (Listens) Really? (Listens) Oh. (Listens) Okay. Okay, well 我得去上班
I'm working tomorrow, but if you want you can, you can, you can 接受明蒂的审判
come by and... (Listens) Okay... (Listens) Great... (Listens) 放轻松，或许她还不知道
Great... (Listens) All right, so I'll, so I'll see you tomorrow! 拜托，我们七个月来没连络过
(Listens) Okay.. (Listens) Okay... (Listens) Bye. (Hangs up and 她突然打电话来还会有什么事呢?
sits down heavily.) Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. 她曾是我最要好的朋友
Chandler: So how's Mindy? 我们一起去夏令营
Rachel: Oh, she wants to see me tomorrow...Oh, she sounded really 她教我如何亲吻
weird, I gotta call Barry... (Does so, on phone) Hi, it's me, I 是吗?
just.. Mindy!! Mindy! Hi! No, I figured that's where you'd be! 如今我像是成第三者
Commercial Break 我感觉自己很…
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning. Chandler is 不守规矩？
sitting and staring at his phone. Monica enters and creeps up 回头见了
next to Chandler.] 等等，我和你一起出去
Monica: Brrrrrrr! 她在夏令营时教你亲吻
(Chandler clutches at his phone before realising.) 你穿着制服,或着...
Chandler: Hell is filled with people like you. 没事了..
Joey: (entering) He's back! The peeper's back! 我要上洗手间
(Rachel enters from her room.) 帮我守着电话好吗?
Joey: (ducking) Get down! 你何不带进去?
Rachel: Get down? 我们还没第二次约会
Chandler: ...And boogie! 她需要听到我尿尿的声音吗?
Rachel: Thanks, but I gotta go to work and get my eyes scratched 何不干脆打给她?
out by Mindy. 我已留言，不能打给她
Monica: Relax. Y'know, she may not even know. 我有男性的尊严
Rachel: Please. I haven't heard from her in seven months, and now 你有吗?
she calls me? I mean, what else is it about? Oh! She was my best 没有.
friend, you guys! We went to camp together... she taught me how 丹妮尔，我是钱德
to kiss.. 我很好
Joey: (intrigued) Yeah? 我不知道你是否打过电话给我
Rachel: And now, y'know, I'm like... I'm like the other woman! I 因为我这个白痴不小心把电话关了
feel so.. 好，太好了
Joey: ..Naughty! 她正在讲电话
Rachel: Right, I'll see you guys later... 等一下会回我电话
Joey: Oh, hold up, I'll walk out with you. Now, Rach, when she 她正在讲电话
taught you to kiss, you were at camp, and.. were you wearing any 等一下会回我电话…
kinda little uniform, or- (Rachel exits and slams the door in his 你不想尿了?
face.) That's fine, yeah... 这就是我跳舞的原因
(Joey exits.) 明蒂
Chandler: Okay, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Will you watch my 什么事?
phone? 我们需要坐下来谈谈
Monica: Why don't you just take it with you? 当然啦,
Chandler: Hey, we haven't been on a second date, she needs to 那么...
hear me pee? 我感觉最近有点奇怪
Monica: Why don't you just call her? 你是我认识最久的朋友
Chandler: I can't call her, I left a message! I have some pride. 除了萝瑞之外
Monica: Do you? 我和她已没有往来
Chandler: No! (Calls) Danielle, hi! It's, uh, it's Chandler! 她虽已减肥成功脸蛋依然丑陋
(Listens) I'm fine. Uh, listen, I don't know if you tried to call 我只问你一次而且你要爽快的回答
me, because, uh, idiot that I am, I accidentally shut off my 愿意当我的伴娘吗?
phone. (Listens) Oh, uh, okay, that's fine, that's great. 当然!
(Listens) Okay. (Puts down the phone.) (to Monica) She's on the 太好了
other line, she's gonna call me back. (He starts doing a little 你只想问我这件事?
jig.) She's on the other line, she's gonna call me back, she's on 对,就这样
the other line, gonna call me back... 怎么了?
Monica: Don't you have to pee? 怎么了?
Chandler: 'S'why I'm dancing... 不，不只这样
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is serving coffee as Mindy enters.] 我认为巴瑞有其他的女人
Rachel: Mindy. 你怎会这样想?
Mindy: Hey, you. 宣布订婚后他就变了样
Rachel: Hey, you.... So, what's up? 昨晚他回家时有香奈儿的味道
Mindy: Um.. we should really be sitting for this. 真的?
Rachel: Sure we should... So. 如果这样能让你好过点
Mindy: Now, I know things've been weird lately, but you're like 我和巴瑞订婚时他也变了样
my oldest friend in the world... Except for maybe Laurie 瞧，这就是我最担心的
Schaffer, who I don't talk to anywhere, 'cause she's all bitter 什么?你担心什么?
now that she lost the weight and it turns out she doesn't have a 巴瑞和你订婚时
pretty face. ....Okay, I'm just gonna ask you this once, and I 我跟他正在偷偷恋爱
want a straight answer. 什么?
Rachel: Okay. 我知道，他向我求婚时
Mindy: Will you be my maid of honour? 每个人都劝我别接受
Rachel: Of course! 他会待你像瑞秋一样
Mindy: Oh that's so great! 如今我只觉得自己好笨
Rachel: Was that all you wanted to ask me? 明蒂，你真笨
Mindy: That's all! 我们两人都笨
Rachel: Ohhhh!! (Mindy starts to sob.) ...What? What? 什么意思?
Mindy: That's not all. 是不是熟悉的味道?
Rachel: Oh sure it is! 抱歉…
Mindy: Oh no, it isn't! No! I think Barry is seeing someone in 不,是我抱歉…
the city. 四个字母，圈圈或圆圈（填字游戏）
Rachel: Um, what- what would make you think that? 快响呀,该死的,快响呀.(ring)
Mindy: Well, ever since we announced the engagement, he's been 谢啦.
acting really weird, and then last night, he came home smelling 我们的电话坏了
like Chanel. 什么?
Rachel: (draws back) Really. Mindy, if it'll make you feel any 我从咖啡店打给你没有应答
better, when I was engaged to him he went through a whole weird 我关机了
thing too. 天啊，我关机了
Mindy: Oh God! You see, that's what I was afraid of! 和你告诉她的一样
Rachel: What? What's what you were afraid of? 真是讽刺
Mindy: Okay, okay... when Barry was engaged to you, he and 我和对街门房谈过了
I...kind of... had a little thing on the side. 他告诉我那偷窥狂的名字
Rachel: What? 电话能借用吗?
Mindy: I know. I know, and when he proposed to me, everyone said 电话能借用吗?
"Don't do it, he's just gonna do to you what he did to Rachel," 请帮我查辛尼马克斯的电话
and now I feel so stupid. 热装置?（填字游戏）
Rachel: Uh... Oh, Mindy, you are so stupid. Oh, we are both so 散热器
stupid. 五个字母
Mindy: What do you mean? 是辛尼吗?
Rachel: (offers her arm to Mindy and she sniffs) Smell familiar? 辛尼是个女的
Mindy: Oh no. 是女的又怎样?
Rachel: Oh, I am so sorry. 对，那又怎样?
Mindy: No me, I am so sorry... 我住在对街
(They hug and Joey enters.) 我注意到你拿着望远镜
Joey: (watches them for a while) Oh my. 而且我很不喜欢你这样.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Ross are doing a 我现在就看的见你
crossword, Monica is cooking, and Chandler is still staring at 如果我要穿着内裤在室内走
his phone.] 我无须感觉…谢谢
Ross: Four letters: "Circle or hoop". 那不是重点
Chandler: Ring dammit, ring! 重点是…大部份时间无所谓，但是偶
Ross: Thanks. 尔......
Joey: (entering) Hey, you know our phone's not working? 乔伊！
Chandler: What?! 对，我邻居
Joey: I tried to call you from the coffee shop, and there was no 对，黑褐色头发
answer. 她说你穿绿色套装很好看
Chandler: (investigating) I turned it off. Mother of God, I 绿色套装?真的?
turned it off! 对，她说你像英格丽褒曼
Monica: Just like you told her you did! (Chandler glares at her.) 少来啦!
... Just pointing out the irony. 嘿
Joey: Hey, so listen, I went across the street and talked to the 嘿
doorman- I got the peeper's name! Can I use the phone? 有时间吗?
Chandler: Nngghhh!!!!!!! 进来呀
Joey: (to Monica) Can I use your phone? (On phone) Yeah, the 亲爱的
number for a Sidney Marks, please. 你们来干什么?
Ross: "Heating device." 我们是来和你分手的
Phoebe: Radiator. 你们两个?
Ross: Five letters. 基本上我们认为你是个大烂人
Phoebe: Rdtor. 你该遭到天打雷劈
Joey: (on phone) Yeah, is Sidney there? (Listens) Oh, this is? 对不起…我是个白痴
(To the gang) Sidney's a woman. 我是个懦夫，我无法自拔
Monica: So she's a woman! So what? 不管我做什么都是因为太爱你了
Joey: Yeah. Yeah, so what? (On phone) Look, I live across the 巴瑞，你是指哪一个?
street, (walking to the window) and I know all about you and your 明蒂
little telescope, and I don't appreciate it, okay? (Listens) 当然是指明蒂
Yeah, I can see you right now! (Listens) Hello! (Listens) If I 我一直深爱着明蒂
wanna walk around my apartment in my underwear, I shouldn't have 即使我们在你椅上做爱?
to feel like—(Listens)—Thank you, but... that's not really the 我发誓，不论我做什么我想的都是你
point... (Listens) The point is that... (Listens) Mostly free 拜托，第二回合时你连她姓啥都忘了
weights, but occasionally.. 你们做了两次?
Monica: Joey!! 第一次不算，你了解巴瑞的
Joey: (on phone) Yeah, my neighbor... (Listens) Yeah, the 我懂
brunette... (to Monica) She says you looked very pretty the other 明蒂，我亲爱的
day in the green dress. 再给我一次机会
Monica: The green dress? Really? 我们再重新来过
Joey: Yeah, she said you looked like Ingrid Bergman that day. 我们再到阿鲁巴去
Monica: (waves dismissively to Sidney) Nooo! 我们再到阿鲁巴去
[Scene: Barry's Office, Barry is preparing his tools alone as 法大夫，紧急状况
Rachel enters.] 强森被自己的牙套噎到了
Rachel: Hey. Got a second? 拜托，我马上去
Barry: Sure, sure. Come on... (Mindy enters) ...in... 请别离开，我马上回来
Mindy: Hello, sweetheart. 我们会在这儿的
Barry: Uh... uh... what're'you... what're'you guys doing here? 在这儿恨你
Rachel: Uh, we are here to break up with you. 看见他走出去时满身大汗没?
Barry: Both of you? 这样吧，我去抓住他
Mindy: Basically, we think you're a horrible human being, and bad 然后你狠狠打他几拳
things should happen to you. 那感觉一定很爽
Barry: I'm sorry... I'm sorry, God, I am so sorry, I'm an idiot, 是吗?我还是想嫁给她
I was weak, I couldn't help myself! Whatever I did, I only did 你在说什么?
because I love you so much! 明蒂，那家伙是个恶魔
Rachel: Uh- which one of us are you talking to there, Barr? 是个衣冠禽兽
Barry: ....Mindy. Mindy, of course Mindy, it was always Mindy. 我知道他并不完美
Rachel: Even when we were having sex in that chair? 老实说我还是想当个医生夫人
Barry: (to Mindy) I swear, whatever I was doing, I was always 医生夫人
thinking of you. 我的天
Rachel: Please! During that second time you couldn't have picked 希望你能为我高兴
her out of a lineup! 我希望你还愿意当我的伴娘
Mindy: (to Rachel) You did it twice? 我希望巴瑞在阿鲁巴不会将你宰了然后
Rachel: Well, the first time didn't really count... I mean, 吃掉
y'know, 's'Barry. 你还好吗?
Mindy: Okay... 是的
Barry: (to Mindy) Sweetheart, just gimme- gimme another chance, 真的?
okay, we'll start all over again. We'll go back to Aruba. 真的.
Bernice: (over intercom) Dr. Farber, we've got a bit of an 自从我在婚礼上抛下巴瑞
emergency here...Jason Costalano is choking on his retainer. 我一直在想这决定是否正确
Barry: Oh God... (Into intercom) I'll be right there, Bernice. 如今我已得到答案
(to Mindy) Look, please, please don't go anywhere, okay? I'll be, 我真为你高兴
I'll be right back. 好日子啊
(Barry exits) 告诉你花生先生的穿着比较讲究
Rachel: Okay. Okay, we'll be here! Hating you! Did you see how he 他有单片眼镜，高帽
was sweating when he walked out of there? Listen honey, if I'm 你知道他是个男同志吗?
hogging the ball too much you just jump right in there and take a 我只想知道你判花生先生出局了?
couple punches because I'm telling you, this feels great. 钱德?
Mindy: Yeah... I'm pretty sure I'm still gonna marry him. 丹妮尔,你好
Rachel: What are you talking about?! Mindy, the guy is the devil! 各位，这是丹妮尔
He's Satan in a smock! 丹妮尔，这是大家
Mindy: Look, I know he's not perfect, but the truth is, at the 你为何会出现在这儿?
end of the day, I still really wanna be Mrs. Dr. Barry Farber, 我一直打电话给你都一直打错号码
D.D.S. 最后问查号台知道你的号码
Rachel: Oh God. 却没人接电话
Mindy: I hope you can find some way to be happy for me. And I 我想来看看你是否无恙
hope you'll still be my maid of honor...? 我没事
Rachel: And I hope Barry doesn't kill you and eat you in Aruba. 或许我们改天可以见个面
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are there.] 这主意不错，我再打给你
Monica: You okay? 或是你打给我,怎么都可以
Rachel: Yeah. 一言为定
Monica: Really? 再见了，各位
Rachel: Yeah! Y'know, ever since I ran out on Barry at the 真棒
wedding, I have wondered whether I made the right choice. And now 第二次约会?
I know. 我不知道
Monica: Aww... (They hug) 你不知道?
(Joey enters and looks on approvingly.) 她好像很不错
Joey: Big day. 她大老远来这儿只想确定我没事
Closing Credits 有这必要吗?
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.]
Joey: All right, I'll give you this, Mr. Peanut is a better
dresser. I mean he's got the monocle, he's got the top hat...
Phoebe: You know he's gay?
Ross: I just wanna clarify this: are you outing Mr. Peanut?
Danielle: (entering) Chandler?
Chandler: Danielle! Hi! Uh- everybody, this is Danielle,
Danielle, everybody.
All: Hi. Hi.
Chandler: What are you doing here?
Danielle: Well, I've been calling you, but it turns out I had
your number wrong. And when I finally got the right one from
Information, there was no answer. So I thought I'd just come down
here, and make sure you were okay.
Chandler: ...I'm, I'm okay.
Danielle: Listen uh, maybe we could get together later?
Chandler: That sounds good. I'll call you- or you call me,
whatever...
Danielle: You got it.
Chandler: Okay.
Danielle: G'bye, everybody.
All: Bye.
Phoebe: Whoo-hoo!
Monica: Yeah, there you go!
Ross: Second date!
Chandler: ...I dunno.
Rachel: You don't know?!
Chandler: Well, she seems very nice and everything, but that
whole thing about her coming all the way down here, just to see
if I was okay? I mean,... how needy is that?
(They all groan and hit him..)
End

121 The One With The Fake Monica

121 The One With The Fake Monica 121 假莫妮卡

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is looking at papers.]

Joey: How could someone get a hold of your credit card number? 怎有人知道你的信用卡号码?
Monica: I have no idea. But look how much they spent! 我也不知道
Rachel: Monica, would you calm down? The credit card people said 你看他们花了多少钱
that you only have to pay for the stuff that you bought. 摩妮卡，冷静一下好吗?
Monica: I know. It's just such reckless spending. 信用卡的人说
Ross: I think when someone steals your credit card, they've kind 你只须付你所买的东西
of already thrown caution to the wind. 我知道，他真是挥霍无度
Chandler: Wow, what a geek. They spent $69.95 on a Wonder Mop. 我想他偷去你的信用卡时
Monica: That's me. 根本就已忘了王法
Phoebe: Oh! The yuk! Ross, he's doing it again! (Points to a lamp 真是个变态
which is shaking behind the sofa) 花了69•95元买”神奇拖把”
Ross: Marcel, stop humping the lamp! Stop humping! Now Marcel, 我买的
come back- (Marcel runs toward Rachel's room) come here, Marcel- 真的，它又来
Rachel: Oh no, not in my room! I'll get him. 马修，别再侵犯那盏灯了
Monica: Ross, you've got to do something about the humping. 马修，回来…
Ross: What? It's, it's just a phase. 不，又到我房里了
Chandler: Well, that's what we said about Joey... 我去抓它出来
Ross: Would you all relax? It's not that big a deal. 罗斯，你得想办法阻止
Rachel: (Out of shot) Stop it! Marcel! Bad monkey! 什么?这只是个阶段
Ross: What? 我们当时也是这么说乔伊的
Rachel: Let's just say my Curious George doll is no longer 你们冷静点行吗?
curious. 这又没什么了不起
Opening Credits 马修，停，坏猴子
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, late at night Monica is still 又怎么了?
examining her bill as Rachel emerges from her room.] 我只能说
Rachel: Oh, Monica. You are not still going over that thing. 我的好奇乔治玩偶不再好奇
Monica: This woman's living my life. 摩妮卡，你还是无法释怀
Rachel: What? 这女人过着我的生活
Monica: She's living my life, and she's doing it better than me! 什么?
Look at this, look. She buys tickets for plays that I wanna see. 她过着我的生活
She, she buys clothes from stores that I'm intimidated by the 而且过得比我好，看
sales people. She spent three hundred dollars on art supplies. 她买的戏票是我一直想看的戏
Rachel: You're not an artist. 她买的衣服是我早就想买的
Monica: Yeah, well I might be if I had the supplies! I mean, I 她花了三百块买艺术用品
could do all this stuff. Only I don't. 你又不是艺术家
Rachel: Oh, Monica, c'mon, you do cool things. 如果有艺术用品
Monica: Oh really? Okay, let's compare, shall we. 我或许已是个艺术家
Rachel: (Yawning) Oh, it's so late for 'Shall we'... 我本来可以的，只是现在不是
Monica: Do I go horseback riding in the park? Do I take classes 导演：盖尔曼库索
at the New School? 摩妮卡，别泄气
Rachel: (Yawning) Nooo... 你做的工作很酷
Monica: This is so unfair! She's got everything I want, and she 真的?我们来做比较，好吗?
doesn't have my mother. 现在说”好吗”有点太迟了
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Chandler are discussing stage 我到过公园骑马吗?
names.] 我在新学校上过课吗?
Chandler: How about Joey... Pepponi? 没有
Joey: No, still too ethnic. My agent thinks I should have a name 这太不公平了
that's more neutral. 她拥有我想要的一切
Chandler: Joey... Switzerland? 而且她没有我妈
(The waitress brings their coffee.) 乔依帕波尼如何?
Joey: Plus, y'know, I think it should be Joe. Y'know, Joey makes 不好，太有种族意味了
me sound like I'm, I dunno, this big. (Waitress looks at him 我的经纪人认为
funny) Which I'm not. 我该取个中立一点的名字
Chandler: Joe...Joe...Joe...Stalin? 乔伊瑞士?
Joey: Stalin...Stalin...do I know that name? It sounds familiar. 而且，我应该就是乔
Chandler: Well, it does not ring a bell with me... 乔伊让我感觉…
Joey: (Writes it down) Joe Stalin. Y'know, that's pretty good. 这么大
Chandler: Might wanna try Joseph. 我不是
(Joey visibly thinks 'Of course!' and writes it down.) 乔…乔斯大林?
Joey: Joseph Stalin. I think you'd remember that! 斯大林，我认识这名字吗?
Chandler: Oh yes! Bye Bye Birdie, starring Joseph Stalin. Joseph 听得很熟悉.
Stalin is the Fiddler on the Roof. 我没印象
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is there as Phoebe and Rachel 乔斯大林，这名字很好
enter.] 或许你想试试乔瑟夫
Rachel: Hey. 乔瑟夫斯大林
Phoebe: Hey. 我好像记得这个名字
Monica: Hi. (On the phone) Hi, uh, yes, this is Monica Geller. ”别了，鸟儿”乔瑟夫斯大林主演
Um, I believe I'm taking some classes with you and I was ”屋顶上的提琴手”中的乔瑟夫史达林
wondering what they were. 对，我是摩妮卡格勒
Phoebe: What are you doing? 我想有在你们那里上课
Monica: (Hushes her) Alright, great. Thanks a lot. (Hangs up) I'm 我想知道是哪些课
going to tap class. 你在干什么?
Rachel: What, what, so that you can dance with the woman that 太好了，谢谢
stole your credit card? 我要去上踢踏舞课
Monica: This woman's got my life, I should get to see who she is. 这样你就可以
Rachel: Go to the post office! I'm sure her picture's 和偷你信用卡的人一起上课?
up! ...Okay, Monica, y'know what, honey, you're kinda losing it 这女人偷走了我的生活
here! I mean, this is really becoming like a weird obsession 我应该去看看她是何方神圣
thing. 去邮局看
Phoebe: This is madness. It's madness, I tell you, for the love 我想她的照片会公布的
of God, Monica, don't do it!! ...Thank you. 摩妮卡，你有点失去理智了
[Scene: A Tap Class, the girls are standing at the door.] 你被这件事所完全操控
Monica: What d'you think? 这叫疯狂
Phoebe: Lotsa things. 上帝保佑，摩妮卡别这么做
(They go in and sit down.) 谢谢
Rachel: Which one do you think she is? 你们怎么认为?
(The teacher comes up to them.) 很多
Teacher: May I help you? 你认为是哪一个?
Monica: Oh, no thanks, we're just here to observe. 我能帮你们什么吗?
Teacher: You don't observe a dance class. You dance a dance 我们是来参观的
class. Spare shoes are over there. 舞蹈课不是参观来的
Rachel: What does she mean? 舞蹈课来跳舞的
Phoebe: I think she means (Imitates) 'You dance a dance class'. 那儿有舞鞋
Oh, c'mon, c'mon. (They put on some spare shoes) 什么意思?
Monica: Okay, d'y'see anybody you think could be me? 我想她是叫我们进去跳
Teacher: (To the class) People! Last time there were some empty 真的?
yoghurt containers lying around after class. Let's not have that 好吧
happen again! 有看见我的分身吗?
Rachel: She could be you. 各位，上回有人在教室留下酸乳空瓶
(Music starts) 希望别再发生那种事
Teacher: Let's get started. Five, six, a-five six seven eight... 她可能是你
(Everyone starts to dance in unison. Monica flounders) 开始吧
Monica: Okay, I'm not getting this! 我跟不上
Phoebe: (Dancing in a swirly, Phoebe kind of way) I'm totally 我完全融人
getting it! 你不会觉得
Monica: Did you ever feel like sometimes you are just so 自己有时毫无协调感吗?
unbelievably uncoordinated? 怎么了?
(Rachel taps into view; she is in perfect sync with the rest of 只要他们踢的时候你踢就是了
the class) 各位找个舞伴
Rachel: What? You just click when they click. 我死去的妈说就是你
Teacher: Alright people, now everyone grab a partner. 我和瑞秋
(The girls are unsure how to pair off. Phoebe settles it) 这下可好
Phoebe: Okay. And, my, dead, mother, says, you, are, it. I'm with 体育课的旧事又重演了
Rachel. 无所谓，你过来和我一起跳
Monica: Great. It's gym class all over again. 我何不脱下衣服来场恶梦?
Phoebe and Rachel: Aww. 没关系，我来了抱歉，我迟到
Teacher: Well that's all right, you can come up to the front and 我来了
dance with me. 那个紧张的新人是谁?
Monica: Why don't I just take off my clothes and have a 你的舞伴
nightmare. 我叫摩妮卡
(She starts to walk very slowly toward the front of the room. The 摩妮卡
teacher grabs her hand and pulls her. Suddenly a woman bursts in) 我叫摩娜娜
Woman: It's okay, it's okay, I'm here, I'm here. Sorry I'm late, 摩娜娜?
okay, here I am. Who's the new tense girl? 对，是荷兰人的名字
Teacher: She's your partner. 你在开玩笑吧
Woman: Hi. I'm Monica. 我在阿姆斯特丹住了三年
Monica: Oh. Monica! ...Hi. I'm Mo- ...nana. 我是宾州的荷兰人
Woman: (Fake Monica) Monana? 开始吧
Monica: Yeah. It's Dutch. 你上哪儿去了
Fake Monica: You're kidding! I-I spent three years in Amsterdam. 我刚从兽医回来
(Asks her something in Dutch) 她没叫你戴那种塑胶套吧?
Monica: Um, Pennsylvania Dutch. 她说马修乱性不是暂时的
Teacher: And we're dancing. A-five, six, seven, eight... 显然它已性成熟
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is entering.] 嘿,它找过你呢
Ross: (Mortified) Hi. 她说它会越来越暴力
Chandler and Joey: Hey. 侵略性越强
Joey: Where've you been? 这代表什么?
Ross: At the vet. 我们不能再养它了
Chandler: She's not gonna make you wear one of those big plastic 我真不敢相信，这真是太扯了
cones, is she? 我不懂，你才刚养它
Ross: She says Marcel's humping thing's not a phase. Apparently 它怎会突然性成熟?
he's reached sexual maturity. 我知道，之前它只是个小东西
Joey: (To Chandler) Hey! He beat ya. 不知不觉中它就紧抓住我的腿不放
Ross: She says as time goes on, he's gonna start getting 你没有任何办法再饲养它吗?
agressive and violent. 没办法
Chandler: So what does this mean? 她说除非有个地方让它获得正常的猴爱
Ross: I'm gonna have to give him up. 它会变得愈来愈残暴
Commercial Break 我得将它送到动物园
[Scene: Central Perk, scene continued from earlier. They guys 你如何把它送进动物园?
are sitting there like the Three Monkeys.] 我知道
Joey: I can't believe it, Ross. This sucks! 不，那是教皇进入福斯汽车
Chandler: I don't get it, I mean, you just got him. How can he be 我们到处申请
an adult already? 当然大型州立动物园是优先考虑
Ross: I know. I know. I mean, one day, he's this little thing, 比方说圣地牙哥动物园
and before you know it, he's this little thing I can't get off my 那可能只是遥不可及的梦想
leg. 因为它在加州
Joey: Isn't there any way you can keep him? 兽医说她认识迈阿密的朋友
Ross: No, no. The vet says unless he's in a place where he has 或许有可能
regular access to some... monkey lovin,' he's just gonna get 那儿似乎离海滩只有两条街
vicious. I've just gotta get him into a zoo. 一定是个疯狂动物园
Joey: How do you get a monkey into a zoo? 我们找到她了
Chandler: I know that one! ...No, that's Popes into a Volkswagen. 你们喊警察了吗?
Ross: Well, we're applying to a lot of them. Naturally our first 没有，我们和她吃午餐
choice would be one of the bigger state zoos, y'know, like, uh, 你们自己的”自治正义”
San Diego... right? But that might just be a pipe dream, because, 你疯了?
y'know, he's out of state. Uh, my vet, uh, knows someone at 那女人偷了你的东西
Miami, so that's a possibility. 她是个小偷
Chandler: Yeah, but that's like two blocks away from the beach. I 和这女人相处十分钟后
mean, it's a total party zoo. 你就会把这些全忘了
(Phoebe, Monica, and Rachel enters.) 她简直是奇女子
Phoebe: Hey. We found her, we found the girl. 振奋人心
Chandler: What? 她可能是从某位啦啦队队员
Joey: Did you call the cops? 那儿偷来的
Rachel: Nope. We took her to lunch. 脱下他们的帽子
Chandler: Ah. Your own brand of vigilante justice. 福斯车上的教皇
Ross: What?! Are you insane? This woman stole from you. She 我喜欢这个笑话
stole. She's a stealer. 不可能，你不可能这么做
Monica: Y'know what? After you're with this woman for like ten 摩娜娜相当勇敢
minutes, you forget all that. I mean, she is this astounding 真是太疯狂了
person, with this, with this amazing spirit. 我说我们是615房的冈氏姐妹
Ross: Yeah, which she probably stole from some cheerleader. 结果波士顿塞尔提克已包下整个六楼
Chandler: ...Take off their hats! 他们知道我们又矮又有胸部时
Phoebe: Popes in a Volkswagen! ...I love that joke. 他们就把我们轰出来
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel and Fake Monica are 我被轰出饭店，我
there.] 干得好，摩娜娜
Rachel: No way. No way did you do this. 不是只有你们活在梦中
Fake Monica: Monana was very brave. 我得去为我不认识的人倒咖啡
Monica: It was so wild. We told them we were the Gunnersens in 不用等我了
room six fifteen. Only to find out the Boston Celtics had taken 对了，明天我们要去参加百老汇的试演
over the entire sixth floor! 什么?
Fake Monica: So once they caught on to the fact that we're, ”猫”剧还有一个缺额
y'know, short and have breasts... 我想我们可以去唱”回忆”
Monica: ...They threw us out! I was thrown out of a hotel! Me! 让自己当个傻子，如何?
Rachel: Go Monana! Well, you ladies are not the only ones living 不，记得你身旁的人是谁
the dream. I get to go pour coffee for people I don't know. Don't 我和你不一样
wait up. (Exits) 我连站在踢踏舞教室前都有困难
Fake Monica: Oh, by the way, tomorrow we're auditioning for a 因为你有阿米许的血统
Broadway show. 什么?
Monica: 'Scuse me? 你不是宾州荷兰人吗?
Fake Monica: There's an open call for Cats. I'm thinking we go 对，直到我买了吹风机被逐出村里
down there, sing Memories and make complete fools of ourselves. 我过去也和你一样
Whaddya say? 有一天我看了出改变我人生的电影
Monica: Nononononono. Think who you're dealing with here. I mean, 看过春风化雨吗?
I'm not like you. I-I can't even stand in front of a tap class. 我认为这电影实在是太…
Fake Monica: Well, that's just probably 'cause of your Amish 无聊了
background. 那孩子在电影的结局时自杀
Monica: What? 只因他无法演出话剧?
Fake Monica: Well, you're Pennsylvania Dutch, right? 这是在干什么?
Monica: Right. Till I bought a blow dryer, then I was shunned. 他再等一年离家，到社区话剧团去
Fake Monica: I-I used to be just like you. And then one day I saw 走出电影院时我想
a movie that changed my life. Did you ever see Dead Poets' 我这逝去两小时的生命
Society? 永远不再回
Monica: Uh-huh. 这想法震惊了我
Fake Monica: I thought that movie was so incredibly... boring. I 从此我便及时行乐
mean, that thing at the end where the kid kills himself because 那么我不敢推荐”窈充奶爸”了
he can't be in the play? What was that?! It's like, kid, wait a 上帝
year, leave home, do some community theatre. I walked out of 我们进不了斯克兰顿了
there and I thought, 'Now, that's two hours of my life that I'm 那是我们最后的选择
never getting back.' And that thought scared me more than all the 他们连狗和牛都收
other crap I was afraid to do. 我不懂是我还是它比较难受
Monica: Wow. Then I would definitely not recommend Mrs. 我想应该椅子最可怜
Doubtfire. 马修…不
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, tiem lapse. Everyone but Joey and 乖，为何没人要它?
Monica are there.] 一定有人会要的
Ross: (Reading letters) Oh God. (To Marcel) We didn't get into 早就有人叫乔瑟夫斯大林了
Scranton. (To the others) That was like our safety zoo. They take 开什么玩笑
like dogs and cows. See? I don't know who this is harder on, me 显然他是屠杀各种民族的俄国独裁者
or him. 你怎么会不知道
Phoebe: I'd say that chair's taking the brunt. 是啊
Ross: Marcel! Marcel! Marcel, no! Good boy. See, how can nobody 菲此你认为我该取什么艺名?
want him? 火焰男孩
Rachel: Oh, somebody will. 你的动物园在哪儿?
Joey: (entering) You know there already is a Joseph Stalin? 就技术上而言不算是动物园
Chandler: You're kidding. 而是一种互动式野生动物体验
Joey: Apparently he was this Russian dictator who slaughtered all 我想请教你几个问题
these people. You'd think you would've known that! 我想请教你几个问题
Chandler: Y'know, you'd think I would've. 它会和其他动物打架吗?
Joey: Phoebe. Whaddyou think a good stage name for me would be? 不会的，它非常温驯
Phoebe: ...Flame Boy. 如果被逼进角落里去时呢?
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is talking to Dr. Baldhara, a 我不知道，干嘛问?
zookeeper.] 它掌控小东西的能力为何?
Ross: Where exactly is your zoo? 它会拿香蕉如果你是这意思的话
Dr. Baldhara: Well, it's technically not a zoo per se, it's more 铁槌或小刀呢?
of an interactive wildlife experience. Let me ask you some 为什么?为何要小刀?
questions about, is it, uh, Marcel? 面对狮虎或有角的动物
Ross: Yes. 你得拿些东西给它自我防卫
Dr. Baldhara: Does he, uh, fight with other animals? 否则就太残忍了
Ross: No-no, he's, he's very docile. 它能去圣地牙哥了
Dr. Baldhara: Even if he were... cornered? 什么?
Ross: Well I, I don't know. Why? 我们散步回来声见电话铃响
Dr. Baldhara: Uh, how is he at handling small objects? 然后它就录取了
Ross: He can hold a banana, if that's whatcha mean... 听见没，马修，是圣地牙哥
Dr. Baldhara: How about a hammer, or a small blade? 你大错特错了
Ross: Why- why- why would he need a blade? 圣地牙哥环境良好没错
Dr. Baldhara: Well, if he's up against a jungle cat or an animal 如果你把它交给我
with horns, you've got to give the little guy something. 我就能训练它对抗瞎眼的兔子
Otherwise it's just cruel. 而且我还可以给你百分之二十的门票收
(Chandler and Joey burst in, with Marcel) 入
Chandler and Joey: He- he- he got in, he- he got in to San Diego. 你到底跑哪儿去了?
Joey: We, we come back from our walk and the- the phone was 我和摩妮卡刚跑去参加大使馆舞会
ringing... 你喝醉了?
Chandler: ...He's in. 才没有呢
Ross: He's in! Oh, did you hear that, Marcel? San Diego. San 骗你的，我醉醺醺的
Diego! 摩妮卡，你该打通电话回来的
Dr. Baldhara: You're making a big mistake here. I mean, San 我一直在家里担心你
Diego's all well and good, but if you give him to me, I'll start 摩妮卡
him off against a blind rabbit and give you twenty percent of the 好过瘾
gains. 没错
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is dusting. She comes to the 餐厅今天又来电了
table, lifts all the magazines and wipes under them, then just 他们想知道你还要不要去上班
puts them down again. Monica bursts in, obviously drunk.] 不去
Monica: Yo- hooo! 我今天要去大苹果马戏团
Rachel: Where the hell've you been? 摩妮卡，你在干什么?
Monica: Monica and I just crashed an embassy party. 你快丢掉工作了，你变了
Rachel: Are you drunk?! 不，这正是我
Monica: Noooo! (Comes closer and whispers) I'm lying. I am so 我不只是那种必须拍松枕头
drunk. 帐单一来立刻去缴款的人
Rachel: Oh God, oh. Great, Monica, y'know what, you could've 和她在一起
called, I have been up here, I've been worried... 我就超越了那种人
(Monica is drinking from the tap) 我是摩娜娜
Rachel: Monica? Monica! 对，她在，等等
Monica: Water rules! 摩娜娜，你的电话
Rachel: Yes, yes, it does. Okay, look, the restaurant called, 信用卡公司打来的
they wanna know if you're gonna be showing up for work? 是吗?天那
Monica: Nope. Going to the Big Apple Circus today. 谢谢
Rachel: Okay Monica, what are you doing? You're gonna lose your 怎么了?
job! This is not you! 他们已逮到摩妮卡
Monica: No, it is me! Y'know, I'm not just the person who needs 你好吗?
to fluff the pillows and pay the bills as soon as they come in! 不太糟
Y'know, when I'm with her, I am so much more than that. I'm- I'm 幸好我喜欢蓝色
Monana! 你怎会知道我在这儿?
(The phone rings and Rachel answers) 因为我是摩妮卡格勒
Rachel: Hello? Yes, she is, hold on a second, please. Monana, 你用的是我的信用卡
it's for you, the credit card people. 真是没想到
Monica: Helloooo? Yeah. Oh my God. Thanks. 我想让你知道
Rachel: What? 去报案的人不是我
Monica: They've arrested Monica. 谢谢你
[Scene: New York City Department of Correction, Monica is 你带给我太多了
visiting Fake Monica.] 如果不是你
Monica: Hi. 我就不可能在冬园剧场唱”回忆”
Fake Monica: Hey. 老实说你只开口唱了"回"而已
Monica: How are you? 我不敢相信你会在这儿
Fake Monica: I'm not too bad. Fortunately, blue's my colour. How- 失去你我该怎么办?
how did you know I was here? 谁会和我去大使馆宴会
Monica: Because... I'm Monica Geller. It was my credit card you 谁带我去大苹果马戏团?
were using. 摩妮卡
Fake Monica: That I was not expecting. 我在一堆女人
Monica: I want you to know, it wasn't me who turned you in. 面前尿尿展开一天的生活
Fake Monica: Oh. Thanks. 你却担心没人带你去看马戏?
Monica: No, thank you! You have given me so much! I mean, if it 不是担心，只是怀疑
wasn't for you, I would never have gotten to sing Memories on the 没什么好怀疑的
stage at the Wintergarden Theater! 你继续做你自己
Fake Monica: Well, actually, you only got to sing 'Memo-'. 因为那才是真正的你
Monica: I just can't believe you're in here. I mean, what am I 那没必要呀.
gonna do without you? Who's gonna crash the embassy parties with 那很必要.
me? Who's gonna take me to the Big Apple Circus? 我不知道是为什么
Fake Monica: Monica, I started my day by peeing in front of 或许和你是阿米许人有关
twenty-five other women, and you're worried about who's gonna 我不是阿米许人
take you to the Big Apple Circus? 真的?为何你那么怪?
Monica: Well, not... worried, just... wondering. 门旁的那个，加不加入?
Fake Monica: There's nothing to wonder about, Monica. You're 加人
gonna go back to being exactly who you were, because that's who 后面的，你完全跳错了
you are. 至少我在跳
Monica: Not necessarily... 这是飞往圣地牙哥67班机
Fake Monica: Yes necessarily! I mean, I dunno what it is, maybe 最后一次的登机通知
it's the Amish thing. 请在42A门登机
Monica: Um, I'm not actually Amish. 再见了，小猴子
Fake Monica: Really? Then why are you like that? 我写了一首诗给你
[Scene: Tap Class, Monica is standing by the door.] 上飞机后才能吃
Teacher: You by the door. In or out? 谢谢你，菲此阿姨
Monica: In. (She joins in the dancing. She still flounders) 再见了
Teacher: You in the back, you're getting it all wrong! 我知道圣地牙哥那儿
Monica: Yeah, but at least I'm doing it! 你将有许多漂亮美眉
[Scene: The Airport, everyone but Monica is there to see off 记得要学习的也很多
Marcel.] 我不知该说什么，罗斯
PA: This is the final boarding call for flight 67 to San Diego, 它是一只猴子
boarding at gate 42A. 说出你的感觉就成了
Phoebe: Okay. Good-bye, little monkey guy. Alright, I wrote you 马修，我饿了
this poem. Okay, but don't eat it 'till you get on the plane. 这句不错
Ross: Aww. Thank you, Aunt Phoebe. 马修，给你的
Phoebe: Oh! 这是给你在飞机上玩的
Chandler: Okay, bye, champ. Now, I know there's gonna be a lot of 如果不介意我想和它独处
babes in San Diego, but remember, there's also a lot to learn. 当然可以
Joey: I dunno what to say, Ross. Uh, it's a monkey. 马修，过来
Ross: Just, just say what you feel. 小兄弟，就这样了
Joey: Marcel, I'm hungry. 我只想说几句话
Ross: That was good. 我会想你的
Rachel: (Brings Marcel a teddy bear) Marcel, this is for you. 我不会忘记你的
It's, uh, just, y'know, something to, um, do on the plane. 在我心中你不只是一只宠物
Ross: Uh, if you guys don't mind, I'd like to take a moment, just 你更是...
me and him. 马修，能放开我的腿吗?
All: Oh, sure. Sure, absolutely. (They just stand there, then 能暂时不要乱来吗?
realise what he means and go to the other end of the room) 马修…带它走好吗?
Ross: Marcel, c'mere, c'mere. (He sits down and Marcel jumps down 带它走
and sits beside him) Well buddy, this is it. There's just a 希望我是你手上的手套
coupla things I want to say. I'm really gonna miss you, and I'm 这样我就能抚摸你的脸颊
never gonna forget about you. You've been more than just a pet to 行，谢谢
me, you've been more like a be- (Marcel climbs down and starts 下一位
humping his leg) Okay, Marcel, please, could you leave my leg 我来试”马丘修”的角色
alone? Could you just stop humping me for two seconds?! Marcel, 名字?
would- okay, just take him away. Just take him. 麦克葛罗尼
(Marcel is put in a cage and taken away.)
Closing Credits
[Scene: A Theater, there is a casting session going on for a
play.]
Actor: (Very melodramatically, and very badly) Oh, that I were a
glove upon that hand, that I might... touch thy cheek...
Casting Director No. 1: That's fine, thank you.
Casting Director No. 2: Next. (Joey walks onstage)
Joey: Hi, uh, I'll be reading for the role of Mercutio.
Casting Director No. 2: Name?
Joey: Holden McGroin.
End

122 The One With the Ick Factor

122 The One With the Ick Factor 122 倒人胃口的约会

(Scene: Central Perk. Everyone is there.)

Monica: Tell him. 告诉他嘛…
Rachel: No. 对，就告诉他嘛
Phoebe: Tell him, tell him. 告诉我什么
Monica: Just...please tell him. 你看你，连正眼看他都不肯
Rachel: Shut up! 拜托，快告诉我
Chandler: Tell me what? 下回女人不看我时我有了新藉口
Monica: Look at you, you won't even look at him. 好吧好吧
Chandler: (sarcastically) Oh, come on tell me. I could use 昨晚我梦见我和你......
another reason why women won't look at me. 在这桌上做爱
Rachel: All right, all right, all right. Last night, I had a 梦中得分
dream that, uh, you and I, were... 你怎会有这种梦?
Phoebe: Doing it on this table. (points at the table) 最重要的是我棒吗?
Chandler: Wow! 简直是棒极了
Joey: Exellent dream score. 真有意思
Ross: Why, why, why would you dream that? 在我梦中我总是力不从心
Chandler: More importantly, was I any good? 昨晚你在桌上表现神了
Rachel: Well, you were pretty damn good. 真高兴能与你们分享
Chandler: Interesting, cause in my dreams, I'm allways 你没事吧?
surprisingly inadequate. (Monica pats him on his lap) 我不敢相信你会在她梦中做爱
Rachel: Well, last night you seemed to know your way around the 抱歉，我只有一次
table. 我醉得不醒人事
Ross: I love it, when we share. 而且这是某人的潜意志
(Ross goes over to the counter. Chandler follows him.) 好呀,瑞秋
Chandler: You're okay there? 起来
Ross: I can't belive you two had sex in her dream. 给我
Chandler: I'm sorry, it was a one-time-thing. I was very drunk 你们能想像操作钻床的我吗?
and i was somebody else's subconscious. 不知道，你当时穿什么?
Opening Credits 不知道，你为何想操作钻床?
[Scene: Central Perk, continued from earlier, Chandler is sitting 只是暂时的工作
on the table.] 直到我找回部份的按摩客户
Chandler: Hello Rachel. 又是海盗?
Rachel: Get off. 没那回事
Phoebe: (points at Joey's pen) Uh, uh, gimme. Can you see me 我是个大笨蛋
operating a drill press? 我教他们”自己在家动手作按摩”
Joey: I don't know. What are you wearing? 结果他们就在家里作
(Chandler, Monica and Phoebe looks at him) 嘿，钱德勒，她可以为你工作吗？
Ross: Pheebs, why would you want to operate a drill press? 谢了，这是个好主意
Phoebe: Just for some short-term-work. You know, until I get back 我可以，是什么工作?
some of my massage clients. 我秘书这几周无法来上班
Chandler: Pirates again? 她去动消乳手术
Phoebe: No, nothing like that. I was just...such a dummie. I 一言难尽的波霸故事
taught this "massage-yourself-at-home-workshop." And they are. 我可以当个秘书
Joey: Hey, hey, Chan. She could work for you. 我不知你是否是这块料
Chandler: (sarcasticly) Thanks Joey, that's a good idea. 因为这份工作得要表现”正常”
Phoebe: What... I could, I could do it. What is it? 白天要尽量正常
Chandler: Well, my secretary is gonna be out for a couple of 我能办到
weeks. She is having one of her boobs redused. (Ross looks at 你在玩什么?
her.) It's a whole big boob story. 我的call机
Phoebe: I could be a secretary. 古生物学家要那玩意儿干嘛?
Chandler: Well, you know Phoebs. I don't know if it's your kinda 恐龙紧急事件?
thing, because it involves a lot of being normal. For a large 救命啊，快来
portion of the day. 他们还是绝种了
Phoebe: I could do that. 不，是为卡萝生产买的
(Ross's beeper goes off) 她随时可以连络到我
Rachel: What are you playing with? 她只需拨个号码55一J●MB0
Ross: Oh, it's my new beeper. 这号码真酷还能当孩子的名字
Joey: What the hell does a paleontologist need a beeper for? 各位回头见了
Monica: Is it like for dinosaur emergencies. 'Help, come quick, 去见伊森小子?
they're still extinct.' 谢谢
Ross: No, it's for when Carol goes into labor. She can get me 伊森到底有多小?
wherever I am. I mean, all she has to do is to dial 55-JIMBO. 年纪和我们差不多
Chandler: A cool phone number, and a possible name for the kid. 当我们还是...
Monica: All right, I'll see you guys later. (raises) 他是大学四年级学生
Rachel: Off to see young Ethan? 这位小朋友不在乎你的年纪?
Monica: Thank you. 当然不在乎
Joey: How young is young Ethan? Young? 因为我告诉他我22岁
Monica: He's... our age. 什么?
Chandler: When we were? 我不像22岁?
Monica: Okay, he's a senior in college. 25，26还说得过去
Ross: College? 我今年26
Chandler: Whoa! And this manchild has no problem with how old you 那就对了
are? 听见没?
Monica: No, of course not. It's not even an issue. Cause I told 听见了
him I was 22. 再不接电话就断了
All: What? 我来
Monica: Oh, I can't pass for 22? 宾先生办公室
Phoebe: Well, maybe 25-26. 抱歉，他正在开会
Monica: I am 26. 我没在开会我在…谁....
Phoebe: There you go. 他知道这件事吗?
[Scene: Chandler's office, he and Phoebe are there when the phone 他有你的号码?
starts ringing.] 好，我会转告他的，再见
Chandler: Can you hear that? 什么?
Phoebe: (plays with a thumbtack remover) Yeah? 罗斯打来问候的
Chandler: See that'll stop when you pick up the phone. 真好玩
Phoebe: Oh. Uh, I'm on. (picks up the phone) 现在做什么?
Phoebe: (with a deep voice) Mr. Bing's office. (Listens) No I'm 现在我得开始工作了
sorry, he's in a meeting right now. "没错"(Magicball显示)
Chandler: I'm not in a meeting. I'm right... Whoops. 我出去一下
Phoebe: Will he know what this is in reference to? (Listens) And 我出去一下,拜拜
he has your number? (Listens) All right, I'll see that he gets 拜拜
the message. Bye bye. 什么事？
Chandler: What? 你在干吗?
Phoebe: Ross says hi. 窗户擦好了,蜡烛点上了
Chandler: Ah! 皮带太紧，我得去换一条
Phoebe: This is so fun. All right, what do we do now? 鱼翻过了没?
Chandler: Well, now, I actually have to get to work. 没，因为我做的是千层面
Phoebe: Most likely. (raises and goes toward the door) Okay, I'm 我是否已走火人魔?
gonna be out there. 一点点
Chandler: Okay. 我不懂
Phoebe: All right. Bye bye. 你们从他期中考开始约会
Chandler: Bye bye. 突然间你…
(The intercom buzzes) 我怎么了?
Chandler: (answering it) Yes? 就在今夜?
Phoebe: Whatcha doin'? 我不知道
Chandler: Ooh. (leans against the desk) 他是个好男孩
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are there. Monica 我喜欢和他在一起
is just finishing cleaning the windows.] 很难说
Monica: Windows are clean, candels are lit. Uh, belt's to tight, 事情会发生就是会发生
gotta change the belt. Did I turn the fish? (goes over to the 这种事无法事先计划好
kitchen to check on the dinner) No, cause I made lasagne. (to 腿毛刮了没?
Rachel) Am I out of control? 刮了
Rachel: Just a touch. Mon, I don't understand. I mean, you've 罗斯，你就别再折磨自己了
been dating this guy since like, what... his midterms? I mean, 这只是一场梦，不代表…
why all the sudden are you so... Oh. 时候到了，宝宝要出世了
Monica: What? 放轻松…冷静点
Rachel: Could tonight be the Night? 有人call我？
Monica: I don't know. Look he's a great guy and I love being with 不，安卓不在这儿
him but... you know. Things happen, and they happen. You don't 今天已是第三次了
plan these things. 对，我确定
Rachel: So, did you shave your legs? 没错，我不做那种服务
Monica: Yeah. 服务?
Rachel: A-ha! 服务
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey and Ross are there.] 对，你要打的是55一JUMB0
Joey: Would you let it go Ross. It was just a dream. It doesn't 没错
mean... 有U的JUMB0
(Ross's beeper goes off) 不，先生，相信我你不会想要我的
Ross: Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh this is it. Oh my god it's baby time. 从他的号码看来
Baby time. 你看到我会大失所望
Joey: All right, relax, relax. Just relax, just relax. Be cool, 好吧，再见了
be cool. 第一天上班如何?
(Ross dials a number on his cellular phone) 太棒了，每个人都很棒
Ross: (on phone) Yeah, hi, I was just beeped. (pause) No, Andr?is 瞧，认识穿我鞋子的人是有代价的
not here. (to Joey) Third time today. (on phone) Yes, I'm sure... 我
No, sir. I don't perform those kind of services. 不，我没告诉任何人我认识你
Joey: Services? (Ross looks at him) Oh, services. 为什么?
Ross: (on phone) Yeah, you want 55-JUMBO. Yeah, that's right. 因为他们并不喜欢你
That's right, JUMBO with a U, sir. (pause) No, belive me, you 什么?
don't want me. Judging by his number, I'd be a huge 我以为你早知道
disappointment. (pause) All rightie, bye bye. 不知道
(Phoebe and Chandler enter) 谁不喜欢我?
Joey: Hey, hey. How was the first day? 每个人，除了…
Phoebe: Oh, exellent. Everyone was so, so nice. 不，是每个人
Chandler: See, it pays to know the man who wears my shoes. (Joey 你在说什么?
and Ross wonder what he means) Me. 别难过
Phoebe: No, I didn't tell anybody that I knew you. 他们过去都很喜欢你
Chandler: Why not? 自从你升职后
Phoebe: Oh, because, you know... they don't like you. 他们感觉你是上司
Chandler: What?! 大人物，大老板
Phoebe: I thought you knew that. 我简直无法相信
Chandler: Noho. Who doesn't they like me? 他们甚至还模仿你
Phoebe: Everyone. Except for uh... no everyone. 模仿我?
Chandler: What are you talking about? 对，报告要"何时"才能交来?
Phoebe: Don't feel bad. You know they used to like you a lot. But 我没有那样
then you got promoted, and, you know, now you're like "Mr. Boss 你有的
Man". You know, Mr. Bing. Mr. Bing, "Boss Man Bing". 这山谷因音乐而变得生动
(Joey and Ross laughs) 我的烤饼
Chandler: I can't belive it. 我的烤饼!
Phoebe: Yeah, yeah. They even do you. 我没那样说话
Chandler: They do me? 这”不”是真的
Phoebe: You know like... uh okay... uh... 'Could that report be 这不…闭嘴
any later?' 不会吧
(Joey and Ross laughs) 告诉你，我到九岁时
Chandler: I don't sound like that. 还以为枪口就是犯罪现场
Ross: Oh, oh Chandler... 怎么会
Joey: Oh... Yeah, you do. 新闻老是报导犯罪事件
Ross: 'The hills were alive with the sound of music.' 某人在枪口下
(Phoebe, Joey and Ross laughs) 惊慌的观光被挟持在枪口下
Joey: (reaches for hi scones) My scones. 我一直在想为何人总是要那儿去
Phoebe, Joey, and Ross: 'My scones.' 我该走了
(Phoebe, Joey and Ross laughs again) 除非
Chandler: Okay, I don't sound like that. That is so not true. 除非你要在这儿过夜
(Joey and Chandler laughs) 我反正要在这里过夜…
Chandler: That is so not... That is so not... That... Oh, shut 我也很想
up! 我们这样做前我得告诉你
(Phoebe, Joey and Ross laugh) 明天一早有课?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Young Ethan are sitting 还是你已经与什么家伙秘密结婚了？
in the couch.] 在这两者之间
Monica: Did not. 就严格的技术上而言
Young Ethan: I am telling you, up until I was, like nine, I 当然，我还没.....
thought that gunpoint was an actual place where crimes happen. 伊森，你是个处男?
Monica: How was that possible? 如果你们这些孩子
Young Ethan: Well, think about it. It's always on the news. 'A 现在这样称呼的话
man is being held up, at gunpoint.' 'Tourists are being 对，我是个处男
terrorised, at gunpoint.' And I just kept thinking: why does 我一直在等待梦中情人出现
people continue to go there? (He checks his watch.) Oh, ah. I 是吗？
should go. 是的。
Monica: Okay. 你知道我说的就是你吧?
(They kiss) 你一直哇个不停
Young Ethan: Okay. 书报杂志，电影上不断出现
Monica: Unless... 甚至在家里练习
Young Ethan: What? 跟这感觉实在没得比
Monica: Uh, ah. Unless you wanna stay over? I mean, I'm going to, 听着，难为你肯据实相告
so... 如果你能坦白，我想我也能
Young Ethan: Yeah, I'd really like that. 别告诉我是我做错了
(They kiss) 不，那件事你没做错
Young Ethan: Uuh, before we get into any staying-over-stuff, 我说了
there is something you should know. 我不是22岁
Monica: Okay, is this like 'I have an early class tomorrow' or 我是25岁
'I'm secretly married to a goat?' 又13个月
Young Ethan: Well it's somewhere in between. You see, in a 我猜我们之间不会有任何改变
strictly technical sense, of course, I'm not uh..., well I, I 年龄根本就不是距离
mean I haven't ever uh... 在你坦承之际我也有话要说
Monica: Ethan? 我比你所知的年纪还小
Young Ethan: Yeah? 你不是四年级?
Monica: Are you a virgin? 我是四年级
Young Ethan: Well, if that's what you kids are calling it these 高中
days then, yes I am. I uh, I've kinda been waiting for the right 我们错了
person. 我竟和一个在建国两百年国庆
Monica: Really? 都还没出生的男人做爱
Young Ethan: Yeah. You do know I was talking about you, right? 我刚做爱了
(They kiss) 伊森，注意听
[Time lapse. They are now in Monica's bedroom, on the bed.] 你为何不早告诉我
Young Ethan: Wow! 你也没告诉我你实际的年龄
Monica: You keep saying that. 那不一样
Young Ethan: You know, you read about it, you see it in the 我的谎言不会使我们成为罪犯
movies. Even when you practice it at home, man oh man, it is 你到底在想什么?
nothing like that. 我没在想什么
(They kiss) 我忙于...
Monica: Listen, uh, you told me something that was really 不准说
difficult for you. And I, I-I figured if you could be honest, 爱你
then I can to. 真的？
Young Ethan: Oh god, don't tell me, I did it wrong. 对不起
Monica: No-no. Nothing wrong about that. 走吧，你不该来这儿的
Young Ethan: Oh. 你该在学校过夜的
Monica: Um, okay, here it goes. I'm not 22. I'm, I'm 25... and 天啊，我像是专门勾引小帅哥的女人
thirteen months. 我成了琼考琳丝
Young Ethan: Huh! 谁?
Monica: But I figured, you know, that shouldn't change anything. 好，安卓再45分钟就会到
I mean, what the hell does it matter how old we are. 再见
(They kiss) 这样省事多了
Young Ethan: Uh, listen um, as long as we're telling stuff, uh, I 快，你已告诉我昨晚的梦
have another one for you. I'm a little younger than I said. 不,死了这条心的
Monica: You're not a senior? 为什么?
Young Ethan: Oh, I'm a senior... in High School. 难道是梦中的我对你过于粗鲁？
Monica: Ok...ay. 好吧
Commercial Break 不仅你在场
[Scene: Monica's Bedroom, continued from earlier.] 乔伊也在场
Monica: What we did was wrong. Oh god, I just had sex with 还有......其他人吗?
somebody that wasn't alive during the Bicentennial. 没了
Young Ethan: I just had sex. 你确定?旁边没人蠢蠢欲动?
Monica: Ethan, focus. How could you not tell me? 没有，只有我们三个
Young Ethan: Well, you never told me how old you were. 是你跟钱德勒之后再跟我
Monica: Well, that's different. My lie didn't make one of us a 还是我们三个同时?
felon in 48 states. What were you thinking? 你知道吗?
Young Ethan: I wasn't thinking. I was too busy fallin'... 有几次甚至没有我
Monica: Don't say it. (closes Ethan's mouth with her hand) 真好
Young Ethan: ...in love with you. 摩妮卡…
Monica: Really? 伊森又来电了
Young Ethan: (nods) Sorry. 摩妮卡…
Monica: Well,fall out of it. You know, you shouldn't even be -摩妮卡！
here, it's a school night. Oh god, oh god. I'm like those women 什么事？
that you see with shiny guys named Chad. I'm Joan Collins. 伊森又来电了
Young Ethan: Who? 你不想再见到他了?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone exept Monica is there.] 对，有些事是无法勉强的
Ross: (on phone) Okay, Andr?should be there in like 45 minutes. 这跟他需要假条才能离开学校无关?
All rightie, bye bye. (to Phoebe) Just easier that way. 我什么都没说，我发誓
Chandler: Oh, come on. You told me about the last dream. 他只是顺路过来
Rachel: No, forget it. 下回见到他时
Chandler: Oh, why not. Was I doing anything particularly... 能问闪电侠中最强的是谁?
saucy? 我的生活简直是太多采多姿了
Rachel: All right, fine. Um, you were not the only one there. 可以换个话题吗?
(Camera fades to Ross, who's listening very carefully) Joey was 对不起。
there too. 吗啡时间到了
Joey: All right. (Moves closer.) 暴龙!
Ross: Was there...uh, huh, huh, huh... andybody, anybody else 剑龙!
there. 我得走了
Rachel: No. 哇哦,脑充血.
Ross: You're sure? Nobody uh, handed out uh, mints or anything? 再来一次，我就得走了
Rachel: No, it was just the three of us. 酷!
Ross: Huh! 你要上哪儿去?
Joey: So, tell me. Was it like you and Chandler, and then you and 我要去参加同学的生日会
me, or you and me and Chandler? 同事?
Rachel: (laughs) You know what? 没人跟我说?
Joey: What? 他们不希望你大驾光临
Rachel: There were times when it wasn't even me. 我不懂
(Chandler and Joey laughs, until they look at each other then 一个月前他们是我朋友
recoil in horror.) 当上主管并不代表我会变
Phoebe: That is so sweet, you guys. (hugs them) 那么说你今晚该来
(Monica enters, wearing a walkman, so she doesn't hear what the 和他们多相处
others say) 让他们知道你还是个大好人
Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe: Hey, Mon. 你真的认为我该去?
Rachel: Mon, Ethan called again. Mon? 对,你该去
All: (shouting) Mon! 我们能不一起去吗
(Monica takes of her walkman) 我不想成为邀请上司的家伙
Monica: What? 昨晚真是太棒了，卡拉0K
Rachel: Ethan called again. 我和崔西合唱了首”乌木与象牙”
Monica: Oh. 你表现得很好
Ross: Are you not seeing him anymore? 大家仍然取笑你
Monica: No. You know, sometimes just things doesn't work out. 什么?
Chandler: And this has nothing to do with the fact that he needs 你现在成了”管家婆”上司
a note to get out of gym. 我要你上司
(Monica stares at Rachel) ”称兄道弟”上司
Rachel: I, I didn't say any... I sw... I did not say anything, I 我更迷糊了
swear. He stopped by. 钱德勒，你得面对现实
Joey: Listen, the next time you talk to him, can you ask him 你像个坐在大办室里的人一样
which one the strongest Power Ranger is? 有权录取他们
(Ross and Chandler laughs) 也有权开除他们
Ross: Oh, yeah. 他们说你是个好上司
Monica: Ha,ha, ha, oh my life is just so amusing. Could we drop 是吗?
it now? 他们不再是你的朋友
Joey, Chander, and Ross: Sorry. 我只是想.....
Ross: It's morphin time! 你不能.
Joey: Stegosaurus! 你不是要去…
Chandler: Tyrannosaurus! 卡萝和我有了新系统
(They all cross they're arms like the Power Rangers do) 如果打911就代表她将生产
Phoebe: Ooh, oh, I've gotta go. (raises) Whoa, oh, head rush. One 否则我就根本不理会
more, and then I have to go. (sits down, and then raises again) 安卓呢?
Cool! 早上他接到我表弟纳森的电话
Rachel: Where are you going? 老实说我知道太多内幕了
Phoebe: Um, oh, I've got a birthday party, with some work people. 那也是我的开场白
Chandler: Work people? Nobody told me. 你们看过浴室里的新吹风机没?
Phoebe: No, I know. That's a part of the whole, you know, them- 我以为那只是谣传
not-liking-you-extravaganza. 千真万确
Chandler: You know, I don't get this. A month ago, these people 早就装了
were my friends. You know, just because I'm in charge doesn't 我得和你谈谈
mean I'm a different person. 我不是17岁
Phoebe: Well, then you should come tonight. You know, just hang 我这样说
out with them. Let them see what a great guy you still are. 你才会认为我可爱惹人怜
Chandler: You think I should? 其实我今年30
Phoebe: I really do, yeah. 我有老婆和工作
Chandler: Okay. 我是你的国会议员
Phoebe: Okay. 摩妮卡，这太荒谬了
Chandler: Okay. 我们在一起很开心
Phoebe: Oh, but, could we not go together? I,I don't wanna be the 我们聊天说笑做爱
geek that invited the boss. 我虽然经验不多，但一切是那么美
[Scene: Chandler's office, he and Phoebe are taking a break from 的确是
work.] 那么问题出在哪儿?
Chandler: I Think last night was great. You know, the Karaoke 伊森，那是不能长久的
thing. Tracy and I doing Ebony and Ivory. 不能长久?
Phoebe: You were great. But they still made fun of you. 因为如此你就想放弃?
Chandler: What? 我是不得已的
Phoebe: You know, now you're more like, you know like, "Mr. 我希望情形不是这样
Caring Boss," "Mr.", you know, "I'm one of you, Boss," "Mr., I 如果你年长几岁，我年轻几岁
wanna be your buddy, Boss Man Bing!" 或是我们生活在圣经时代
Chandler: Then, I don't get it. 我就可以…
Phoebe: Well, you know what Chandler? I think you've gotta face 不要说
it. You're like, the guy in the big office, you know. You're the 爱你
one that hires them, that fires them... They still say you're a 你的手还没干?
great boss. 还是湿的
Chandler: They do? 那就再去烘一次
Phoebe: Uh huh. But they're not your friends anymore. 这些萄葡酒能再“烈”一点吗?
Chandler: I just wan't to... 钱德勒
Phoebe: No, but you can't. 宾先生
Chandler: But I just wa... 我爱你昨晚的史提夫汪达
Phoebe: Uh uh. 谢谢
[Scene: Central Perk. Everyone exept Phoebe and Chandler is 有关这周的数据
there. Ross's beeper goes off and everyone exept him react.] 九点"之"前请送到我办公室来
Monica: Aren't you gonna... 没问题
Ross: Oh, Carol and I have a new system. If she punches in 911, 总得给他们些话题嘛
it means she's having a baby, otherwise I just ignore it. 刚刚是格斯顿，山托斯
Joey: What about Andr? 留胡子的那个叫什么?
Ross: Oh, well this morning he got a call from who I think was 派崔，派崔，对
our cousin Nathan, and frankly, it was a little more than I 这周末有人得加班了
needed to know. 真好
(Ethan enters) 罗斯
Young Ethan: Hey. 罗斯？
Monica: That was gonna be my opener. 我在这儿
Rachel: (understands that Monica and Ethan wanna be alone) Hey, 你在?
did you guys check out those new hand-dryers in the bathroom? 我们在..
Ross: I thought that was just a rumour. 什么?
Rachel: True story. 这下可好，我有宝宝了
Joey: They're here already? 我有宝宝了
(Rachel, Ross and Ross go to the bathroom) 我有…电话在哪儿?
Young Ethan: All right, look. I've gotta tell you something. I'm 电话在那儿
not 17. I only said so that you'd think I was cute and vunerable. 罗斯
I'm actually 30, I have a wife, I have a job, I'm your 我受伤了
Congressman. Monica, this is ridiculous, we're great together. We 摩妮卡，快走各位快点，她要生了
can talk, we make each other laugh, and the sex. Oh, man, okay i 罗斯，看这是什么
have no frame of graft, but I thought that was great. 留着付计程车吧
Monica: It was. 你在干什么?我们要去医院
Young Ethan: Then, what's the problem? 我不能漂亮一点吗?那儿或许有医生
Monica: Ethan, it's um... it's icky. 乔，别翻冰箱了
Young Ethan: Icky? You're actually gonna throw this away because 那是干吗的?
it's icky? 坐车的时候吃的.
Monica: This isn't easy for me either. I wish things were 真讨厌，摩妮卡，快，宝宝就要出世了
different, I... If you were a few years older, or if I was a few 我真不敢相信
years younger, or if we lived in biblical times, I would 我快当姑姑了
really... 我快有侄子了
Young Ethan: No, don't say it. (closes Monica's mouth with his 真感人，走吧
hand) 走吧
Monica: ...love you.
(Ross, Rachel and Joey come back from the bathroom. They discover
that Monica and Ethan aren't finished talking to each other yet.)
Ross: Are you're hands still wet?
Joey: Uh, moist, yeah.
Rachel: Let's dry 'em again.
(They go to the bathroom again)
[Scene: A hall on the floor where Chandler works. Chandler and
Phoebe enters, and overhears some employees's conversation. One
of them is doing Chandler.]
Gerston: Uh, like, could these margaritas be any stronger? (They
discover that Chandler is listening) Hey, Chandler.
Santos: Hello, Mr. Bing.
Petrie: Loved your Stevie Wonder last night.
Chandler: Thanks. Listen, about the weekly numbers, I'm gonna
need them on my desk by nine o'clock.
Santos: Sure.
Gerston: No problem.
(They go away, trying very hard not to laugh at Chandler)
Chandler: You have to give 'em something, you know. Okay, now
that was Gerston, Santos, and who's the guy with the moustache?
Phoebe: Petrie.
Chandler: Petrie, right, right. Okay, some people gonna be
working this weekend.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is watching TV, but turns it
off, and Rachel is sleeping on the couch. Ross puts a blanket
over her.]
Rachel: (talking in her sleep) Oooooooooh. (Rachel strokes her
hand over the pillow. Ross mimicks her silently) Oh, that's nice.
Oh, oh. Huh, Ross!
(Ross gets all excited and starts to dance on the coffee table,
but slips allmost immediatly, and falls onto the couch. Rachel
wakes up.)
Rachel: Ross?
Ross: I'm here.
Rachel: You are. Well, um... We, we, we were just... Wow!
Ross: What? (his beeper goes off) Great, now I'm having a baby.
Rachel: What?
Ross: Ooh, Ooh.
Rachel: What?
Ross: I'm having... I'm having a baby. (jumps back onto the table
again) I'm having a... Where's the phone? The phone?
Rachel: I don't know where the phone is.
(Ross runs from the table, over the couch but slips and falls
onto the floor)
Rachel: Ross?
Ross: I'm hurt.
Closing Credits
[Scene: The Hallway, Ross is eagerly waiting for the others to
get ready, to go to the hospital.]
Ross: Monica, let's go. Come on now people, woman in labor.
(Chandler struts out from his apartment)
Chandler: (doing a little dance) Hey Ross, look what I've got
going here.
Ross: Yeah, save it for the cab, okay.
(Rachel comes out from their apartment with a mirror and a
lipstick in her hands)
Ross: What are you doing? We're going to a hospital.
Rachel: What, so I can't lokk nice? There might be doctors there.
Ross: Joey, get out of the fridge.
Joey: All right, all right. (he comes out from their apartment
with a huge sandwich in his hand)
Ross: What is that? (refering to the sandwich)
Joey: For the ride.
Chandler: Yeah, like in a cab...
Ross: Save it.
Chandler: Okay, hating this.
Ross: Monica, come on now. Let's go, baby coming.
(Monica enters from their apartment, crying)
Monica: I can't belive it, I'm gonna be an aunt. I'm gonna have
like a nephew.
Ross: That's nice. Get out Let's go, come on.
Joey: All right, I'm going. I'm going.
(They all go down the stairs, but Ross turns around, looking like
his in a coma. The others also turns around to get him.)
Chandler: Here we go, here we go.
Rachel: Rossy, Rossy.
End

123 The One With the Birth

123 The One With the Birth 123 本出世

[Scene: The hospital, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica

are in the waiting room, waiting for Carol and Susan to arrive.] 强森大夫，七线电话
Ross: She's not here yet. She's not here. She's having my baby 她还没来
and she's not here. 她将生下我的小孩却还没来
Monica: I'm sure everything's fine. Has her water broke yet? 不会有事的
Ross: I don't know, but when I spoke to her, she said she had 她的羊水破了吗?我不知道
already passed the mucus plug. 她和我通话时说她已分泌粘液
(Joey makes a sound of absolute disgust.) 我们需要知道这一些吗?
Joey: Do we have to know about that? 乔伊，你有小孩时你会怎么做?
Monica: Joey, what are you gonna do when you have a baby? 我会在等待室中送雪茄
Joey: I'm gonna be in the waitin' room, handing out cigars. 乔伊准备让他孩子出生在50年代的电影
Chandler: Yes, Joey's made arrangements to have his baby in a 中
movie from the 50's. 我不敢相信她可能会在计程车中生产
Ross: God, I don't believe this. She could be giving birth in the 罗斯，冷静点第一次收缩收费二块钱
cab. 之后每收缩一次收五毛钱
Rachel: Oh, Ross, relax. It's probably like two dollars for the 什么?钱德这样说时就没事
first contraction, and then fifty cents for each additional 你得选对时间
contraction. 我错过了吗?
(Everyone looks at Rachel as though she made a tasteless 没有，她根本还没出现
comment.) 干嘛带吉他来?
Rachel: What, it's ok when Chandler does it? 我想我们会在这儿待一阵子
Chandler: You have to pick your moments. 来点音乐
(Phoebe arrives, guitar in hand.) 你到底上哪儿去了?
Phoebe: Did I miss it, did I miss it? 我们中途在礼品店待了一会儿
Ross: She's not even here yet. 买什么?
Monica: What's with the guitar? 我想买填充玩具苏珊想买”矮胖”
Phoebe: I just thought we might be here for awhile. You know, 苏珊要矮胖?她就快生小宝宝了
things might get musical. 是小宝宝不能中途下车买矮胖
(Carol and Susan arrive.) 我过去也用那个汽车贴纸
Ross: (to Carol) Where the hell have you been? 懂我意思吗?
Susan: We stopped at the gift shop. 下车买矮胖别介意了，罗斯
Carol: I was looking at stuffed animals, and Susan wanted a 我多了一个，想要吗?不想
Chunky. 我最喜爱的父母团队好
Ross: Susan wanted a Chunky. We're having a baby, ok, a baby, you 法大头
don't stop for Chunkys. 我了解你们在考虑生宝宝的事
Chandler: I used to have that bumper sticker. 我知道你已怀胎九月
(Everyone is amused by Chandler's comment.) 这是好的开始
Chandler: (to Rachel) You see what I mean. 收缩的情况如何?
Opening Credits 我喜欢每一阵都像是子宫中的小舞会
[Scene: Carol's Hospital Room, Carol is on the bed, Ross and 我喜欢每一阵都像是子宫中的小舞会
Susan are at her side.] 制片：陶德史帝芬
Ross: Stopped for a Chunky. 59秒，石英表
Carol: Let it go, Ross. 瑞士石英表
Susan: I got an extra one. You want this? (holds the candy in 我能喝饮料吗?
front of Ross' face) 碎冰，只能喝碎冰护士站有
Ross: (weakly) No. 我去拿
(Carol's doctor, Dr. Franzblau arrives.) 不，我去，马上回来不，我去…
Dr. Franzblau: Hey, how's my favorite parenting team doing? 我想你或许想喝碎冰谢谢
Ross: Dr. Franzblau, hi. 如果还需要别的…我没见过吧?
Dr. Franzblau: So, I understand you're thinking of having a baby? 我叫瑞秋格林
Well, I see you're nine months pregnant. That's a good start. How 卡萝前任丈夫妹抹的室友
you doing with your contractions? 幸会，我是法大夫
Carol: Oh, I love them. Each one's like a little party in my 你室友哥哥前妻的医生
uterus. 真有趣
Susan: They're every four minutes and last 55 seconds. 我要个宝宝
Ross: 59 seconds. (holds up his watch) Quartz, ha. 今晚不行，亲爱的我明天得早起
Susan: Swiss quartz, ha, ha. 起来，我们去买咖啡
Carol: Am I allowed to drink anything? 好吧，因为我们没做过
Dr. Franzblau: Ice chips, just ice chips. They're at the nurses' 投…或是不进也行
station. 尼克迷?
Ross: I'll get it. 他们烂透了
Susan: No, I'm getting it. I'll be right back. 女士
Ross: I got it—I'm getting it! 看，你的尤恩，漂亮
(They both leave just as Rachel enters the room, holding a cup.) 他连坐在船上都投不进水里
Rachel: Hi, I thought you might like some ice chips. 是吗?你支持谁?
Carol: Thanks. 是吗?你支持谁?
Rachel: And if you need anything else, I—(notices the handsome 他们无法投进船…
Dr. Franzblau)—do not believe we've met. Hi. I'm, uh, Rachel 反正他们很烂
Green. I'm Carol's... ex-husband's... sister's roommate. 闭嘴，今年是重建年•，
Dr. Franzblau: It is nice to meet you. I'm Dr. Franzblau. I'm 我帮你孩子的爹
your roommate's... brother's... ex-wife's obstetrician. 我们这儿需要爸爸…
Rachel: Oh, that's funny! 他没有爸爸
[Scene: The Waiting Room, Chandler is falling asleep on Monica's 抱歉
shoulder.] 没关系，我没事
Monica: I want a baby. 这边洼
Chandler: Mmmm. Not tonight, honey. I got an early day tomorrow. 所有的孕妇似乎都往这儿走
Monica: Get up. Come on. Let's get some coffee. 他们又小又肉摸起来感觉很好
Chandler: Oh, ok, 'cause we never do that. 不久他们长大后就会开始恨你
(Chandler and Monica leave. Cut to Joey, watching the 现在他们对你大吼大叫
Knicks/Celtics game on television.) 你不知原因为何
Joey: (to the screen) Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! Shoot, or just fall 你不知原因为何
down. That's good too. 谢谢，罗斯
(A young pregnant woman enters.) 用来叫你停止的好吧
Lydia: Knick fan? 看，是双胞胎，好可爱
Joey: Oh, yeah. 不公平，我一个都没有
Lydia: Oh, boy, do they suck. 他们怎会有两个?
Joey: Hey, listen, lady....(sees that she's pregnant)...whoa. 你也会有的
Lydia: Look, look at your man, Ewing. Nice shot. You know what, 是吗?什么时候?
he couldn't hit water if he was standing on a boat. 好吧，告诉你
Joey: Oh yeah? And who do you like? 我们40岁时如果都还单身
Lydia: The Celtics. 我们就一起生一个，如何?
Joey: The Celtics? Ha. They couldn't hit a boat if...wait. They 为何我40岁时还单身?
suck, alright? 不，这只是假设
Lydia: Oh, shut up. You know, it's a rebuilding year. You... 假设为何我到40岁时还单身?
waah! 假设为何我到40岁时还单身?
Joey: Wha? Wha..aa? Let me get the father. Hey, we need a father 我有不适婚姻的毛病吗?
over here! We need a father! 这降落伞是个背包
Lydia: There is no father. 看你，盛装登场
Joey: Oh, oh, oh, sorry. 你回家换衣服?
Lydia: Ok, that's ok. I'm fine. I'm... oh! 今天是个重要的日子
Joey: Oh, uh, ok. Right this way. All the other pregnant women 我想漂亮一点
seem to be goin' in here. 法大夫…不，我们还没见到他
Lydia: Ok. 他在哪儿?他应该在这儿的
(Joey accompanies Lydia to a hospital room.) 万一小孩需要他怎么办?
[Scene: The Waiting Room, Phoebe is playing a song. Chandler, 瑞秋，你和医生到底是怎么了
Monica, and Ross are there as well.] 难道你爸也是个医生?
Phoebe: (singing) 对，干嘛问?
They're tiny and chubby and so sweet to touch, 没理由
and soon they'll grow up and resent you so much. 没理由
Now they're yelling at you and you don't know why, 不，我不找他
you cry and you cry and you cry. 我不管这是不是他的孩子他是个大浑蛋
And you cry and you cry and you cry... 不，我不是一个人乔伊在这儿
(Ross gives Phoebe a dollar.) 什么意思?乔伊什么?
Phoebe: Thanks, Ross. 什么意思?乔伊什么?
Ross: Yeah. I'm paying you to stop. 对，等等，她要跟你谈
Phoebe: Ok. 对，等等，她要跟你谈
(A woman passes by, carrying newborn twins.) 对，是我
Phoebe: Oh, look, twins. Hi, guys. Oh, cute, cute. 不，我们只是朋友
Monica: No fair. I don't even have one. How come they get two? 对，我单身
Chandler: You'll get one. 25岁，演员
Monica: Oh yeah? When? 她不擅于讲电话
Chandler: All right. I'll tell you what. When we're 40, if 孩子的爸怎么了?
neither one of us are married, what do you say you and I get 如果有人即将生下我的孩子
together and have one? 我会想知道的
Monica: Why won't I be married when I'm 40? 尼克迷你对爸爸的观点我不在乎
Chandler: Oh, no, no. I just meant hypothetically. 或许吧
Monica: Ok, hypothetically, why won't I be married when I'm 40? 祝你好运
Chandler: No, no, no. 保重了
Monica: What is it? Is there something fundamentally unmarriable 你知道塞尔提克有什么问题?
about me? 他们让球员经营球队这不是真的
Chandler: (trapped) Uh, uh. 他们让球员经营球队这不是真的
Monica: Well? 他们让球员经营球队这不是真的
Chandler: Dear God! This parachute is a knapsack! (throws himself 你们会窖死我的
over the back of the chair he was sitting in) 剩15秒
(Rachel enters, in a formal dress.) 14，13，12数4央点
Rachel: Hey. 你会没事，记得这样做全是为了裘帝
Phoebe: Hey. Ooh, look at you, dressy-dress. 将全力集中在裘帝裘帝到底是谁?
Monica: Did you go home and change? 你儿子不，我不要我儿子叫裘帝
Rachel: Yeah, well, it's an important day. I wanna look nice. Um, 我们协议过，我儿子叫洁米
has uh Dr. Franzblau been by? 洁米是苏珊第一任女友的名字
Monica: No, I haven't seen him. 所以我们决定还是用裘帝
Rachel: Well, where is he? He is supposed to be here. (Pause) 这是什么意思?
What if the baby needs him? 我们根本没讨论过裘帝
Chandler: Rachel, what is the deal with you and doctors, anyway? 我们讨论过洁希寇帝，迪伦时提到一下
Was, like, your father a doctor? 我脚抽筋
Rachel: Yeah, why? 我脚抽筋
Chandler: No reason. (turns around, makes an 'Oh my God' gesture 你和她睡觉我来处理抽筋
with his eyes) 你不行
[Scene: Joey and Lydia in the hospital room. Lydia is on the 够了，你们都给我出去
phone with her mother.] 什么?是她引起的…
Lydia: Mom, we've been through this. No, I'm not calling him. I 我不管，我想生下小孩
don't care if it is his kid, the guy's a jerk. No, I'm not alone. 你们在这儿根本是愈帮愈忙
Joey's here. (pause) What do you mean, Joey who? (covers the 卿走
phone, to Joey) Joey who? 卿走
Joey: Tribbiani. 出去
Lydia: Joey Tribbiani. Yes, ok. Hold on. (to Joey) She wants to 出去
talk to you. Take the phone. 怎么了?有东西爆炸了
Joey: (takes phone) Hi, yeah, it's me. (Listens) Oh, no no no, 她破水了
we're just friends. (Listens) Yeah, I'm single. (Listens) 25. 冷静点，行吗?
(Listens) An actor. (Listens) Hello? 她破水了?什么意思?
Lydia: She's not much of a phone person. 什么是破水?
Joey: Yeah, so, uh, so, uh, what's the deal with this father guy, 什么是破水?
I mean, if someone was havin' my baby somewhere, I'd wanna know 拜托，都是你的错
about it, you know? 怎么说?为什么都是我的错?
Lydia: Hey, Knick fan, am I interested in your views on 你们在一起之前卡萝从未把我赶出房间
fatherhood? Uh, no. 是吗?我出现之前有许多事卡萝没做过
Joey: Ok, look, maybe I should just go. 是吗?我出现之前有许多事卡萝没做过
Lydia: Maybe you should. 知道你的问题出在哪儿吗?
Joey: Good luck, and uh, take care, huh? 你因我而感到岌岌可危
(He leaves, but then returns a moment later.) 我说的每件事都是问题
Joey: You know what the Celtics problem is? They let the players 我因你而感到岌岌可危?
run the team. 你到底在说什么?
Lydia: Oh, that is so not true. 够了，进去，快
Joey: Oh, it is. 我简直不敢相信你们两个
Lydia: It isn't. 小宝宝即将诞生在这栋建筑
Joey: It is. 他听见的第一个声音不该是你们的吵闹
Lydia: Isn't! 声
[Scene: Carol's Hospital Room, Ross and Susan are coaching 所以你们别再吵了
Carol.] 对，苏珊
Ross: Breathe. 别让我再发一次脾气
Susan: Breathe. 我不喜欢我自己这样
Ross: Breathe. 谁想听反讽的事?
Susan: Breathe. 救命啊…我的宝宝就要诞生
Ross: Breathe. 你们都退后
Susan: Breathe. 你们都退后
Carol: You're gonna kill me! 你们都退后
Ross: 15 more seconds, 14, 13, 12... 找到人之前我们都会在这儿陪你的
Carol: Count faster. 你告诉我巴黎的事真棒
Susan: It's gonna be ok, just remember, we're doing this for 真的?那家糕饼店就在我住的饭店隔壁
Jordie. Just keep focusing on Jordie. 真的?那家糕饼店就在我住的饭店隔壁
Ross: Who the hell is Jordie? 加油，莉迪亚，你办得到
Susan: Your son. 加油，莉迪亚，你办得到
Ross: No-no-no. I don't have a son named Jordie. We all agreed, 我只是…
my son's name is Jamie. 我只是…
Carol: Well, Jamie was the name of Susan's first girlfriend, so 你想干嘛?将门吸开?
we went back to Jordie. 你想干嘛?将门吸开?
Ross: What? Whoa, whoa whoa whoa, what do you mean, back to 最后他们终于发现他们的尸体
Jordie? We never landed on Jordie. We just passed by it during 不，妈，一切顺利
the whole Jessy, Cody, Dylan fiasco. 对，罗斯很好
Carol: Ow, ow, ow, ow, leg cramp, leg cramp, leg cramp. 他在其他地方
Ross: I got it. 不，他不见了
Susan: I got it. 不，你们不用飞回来
Ross: I got it! Hey, you get to sleep with her, I get the cramps. 我唯一的机会?什么意思?
Susan: No, you don't. 别再说了，行吗?我才26岁
Carol: All right, that's it. I want both of you out. 我连小孩的事都没想过
Ross: Why? 你上哪儿去了?
Susan: He started it! 我刚生了个小孩
Ross: No, you started it. 了不起
Susan: You did! 说不定，或许是一小时也可能是三小时
Carol: I don't care. I am trying to get a person out of my body 别请放心，她的状况良好
here, and you're not making it any easier. 告诉我，目前有对象吗?
Ross: But... 没有，现在没有
Carol: Now go! 你呢?没有，我不容易找到对象
Ross: (to Susan) Thanks a lot. 对，我听过有关帅哥大夫的传间
Susan: (to Ross) See what you did. 没有，真的
Ross: (to Carol) Yeah, listen... 我想和我工作有关
Carol: Out! 我试着不让工作影响我的生活
(Ross and Susan both angrily leave the hopsital room.) 如果你是我
[Scene: Lydia's Hospital Room, Joey is helping Lydia go through 你从事什么工作?
labor, a nurse is now present in her room as well.] 我是服务生
Nurse: Breathe, breathe, breathe... 难道你下班回家后不会觉得…
Lydia: Oh, no. 如果我再看见咖啡杯…
(Joey looks down at Lydia.) 我懂
Joey: Ew! What is that? Something exploded! 我去看看你朋友
Nurse: It's just her water breaking. Calm down, will you? 你怎么会知道我在这儿?
Joey: (panicked) Water breaking, what do you mean? What's that, 你妈打电话告诉我的
water breaking? 这就是她?不，这是我捡来的
Nurse: (to Joey) Breathe, breathe, breathe. 抱歉，让你自己承担这一切
[Scene: The Hall, Ross and Susan are arguing.] 我不是自己一个
Ross: Please. This is so your fault. 我有大夫，护士和善心人士
Susan: How, how is this my fault? 知道谁赢吗?
Ross: Look, Carol never threw me out of a room before you came 尼克胜十分
along. 他们好烂
Susan: Yeah? Well, there's a lot of things Carol never did before 是吗?他们没那么差劲
I came along. 可恶…都是你的错
Ross: You tryin' to be clever? A funny lady? 这本来是我今生最快乐的日子
Susan: You know what your problem is? You're threatened by me. 我儿子即将出世
Ross: Oh, I'm threatened by you? 我应该在那儿的
Susan: Yes. 而不是被困在这儿
(Phoebe has heard them arguing and comes down the hall, taking 我所爱的女人就要生
them into a broom closet.) 我和你一样期待已久
Phoebe: Hey, hey, ok, all right, that's it! Get in here. Come on. 不，相信我没人像我如此期待
My god, you guys, I don't believe you. There are children coming 讽刺的是你们将带着宝宝回家
into the world in this very building and your negative fighting 讽刺的是你们将带着宝宝回家
noises are not the first thing they should be hearing. So just 大家都知道你是
stop all the yelling, just stop it! 我是谁?这世上有父亲节，母亲节
Ross: Yeah, Susan. 却没有女同志节
Phoebe: Don't make me do this again, I don't like my voice like 每天都是女同志节
this. 精彩
(Phoebe goes to leave the room, but the door is locked.) 愿意解释吗?
Phoebe: Ok, who wants to hear something ironic? 因为我小时候我爸离开
Commercial Break 我妈过世，我继父入狱
[Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross and Susan are trying to get out.] 我根本得不到父母的爱
All: Help! 如今他有如此爱他的三个父母
Ross: I'm having a baby in here! Ok, everyone stand back. (Walks 甚至为谁给他的爱最多而吵架
backwards as if he is going to break down the door, but steps in 而且他根本还未出世
a bucket and falls) Ow. 他真是全天下最幸福的宝宝
[Scene: Carol's room, Rachel and Dr. Franzblau are there with 抱歉，你们正在吵架
her.] 他们在哪儿?
Carol: Are they here yet? 他们很快就会来对，他们不会错过的
Rachel: No, honey, they're not, but don't worry, because we are 对，放轻松
going to find them, and until we do, we are all here for you, ok? 才开九公分宝宝没那么快出来
Carol: Ok. 你吓到我了
Rachel: Ok? 谁愿意帮我吗?她想掏出我的心脏
Carol: Ok. 这下可好，有人看见乳头吗?
Rachel: (to Dr. Franzblau) Ok, so anyway, you were telling me 十公分，开始用力
about Paris, it sounds fascinating. 不要再用力了
Dr. Franzblau: It really was. There was this great little pastry 他们还没好
shop right by my hotel. (Carol sits up in pain, Rachel and Dr. 抱歉，我无法叫宝宝等他们来
Franzblau casually lay her back down) There you go, dear. 抱歉，我无法叫宝宝等他们来
[Scene: Lydia's Room, Joey is helping her deliver.] 通气口开了
Joey: Come on, Lydia, you can do it. Push! Push 'em out, push 'em 我是宾
out, harder, harder. Push 'em out, push 'em out, way out! Let's 我是医院工人宾
get that ball and really move, hey, hey, ho, ho. Let's— (notices 宾前来抢救了
the nurse looking at him strangely) I was just—yeah, right. 宾，准备好没?
Push! Push! 脚给我
[Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross has picked up a vacuum and is 数到
holding it at the door.] 数到
Susan: What're you gonna do, suck the door open? 数到
Ross: Help! Help! 你看见什么?
Phoebe: (singing) They found their bodies the very next day, they 我看见黑暗的通气孔
found their bodies the very next...(sees Ross and Susan staring 等等，真的是黑暗的通气孔
at her) la la la la la la. 菲此，门开了
Susan and Ross: (even louder) Help! 等等，你们忘了脚
[Scene: The Waiting Room, Monica is on the phone with her mother, 我们来了
Chandler is standing behind her.] 你们上哪儿去了说来话长
Monica: Now, Mom, everything's going fine, really. (Listens) 卡萝，我要你不断用力
Yeah, Ross is great. He's uh, he's in a whole other place. 抱歉，我能用这个…
(Listens) No, he's gone. (Listens) No no, you don't have to fly 这里人太多了
back, really. (Listens) What do you mean this might be your only 而且待会儿又会多一个
chance? (Listens) Would you stop? I'm only 26, I'm not even 所以不是前任丈夫和女同志终身伴侣者
thinking about babies yet. 请出去
(Monica sees a woman pass by with a baby, puts the phone to her 再见了…祝好运…
chest, and starts to cry. Chandler takes the phone, makes a noise 我问你，要卡萝的女同志终身伴侣才行
in it resembling static, and hangs up. Joey enters.) 吗?
Chandler: Where have you been? 出去
Joey: Oh, just had a baby. 他的头露出来了让我看看…
Chandler: Mazel tov! 是头…好大
[Scene: The Waiting Room, Rachel and Dr. Franzblau have gone to 卡萝，你是怎么办到的?
get coffee.] 于事无补
Dr. Franzblau: I don't know, could be an hour, could be three, 你做得很好…
but relax, she's doing great. So, uh, tell me, are you currently 抱歉
involved with anyone? 你看见什么?
Rachel: (anxiously) No, no, not at the moment, no, I'm not. Are 我何时能见到头，肩膀和手臂都出来了
you? 看，是手指，肚子
Dr. Franzblau: No, it's hard enough to get women to go out with 是男的
me. 百分百男孩
Rachel: Right, yeah, I've heard that about cute doctors. 百分百男孩
Dr. Franzblau: No, no, really. I suppose it's because I spend so 他出来了
much time, you know, where I do. 他是个人
Rachel: Oh. 他是个人
Dr. Franzblau: I try not to let my work affect my personal life, 他像谁?
but it's hard, when you... do what I do. It's like uh...Well, for 像我叔叔艾德，被果冻包着
instance, what do you do? 像我叔叔艾德，被果冻包着
Rachel: I'm a waitress. 各位，他好漂亮
Dr. Franzblau: Ok, all right, well aren't there times when you 谢了，菲此
come home at the end of the day, and you're just like, 'if I see 不准大吼
one more cup of coffee'... 我们仍需要为他取个名字
Rachel: (getting the point) Yeah. Gotcha. 宾如何?
Dr. Franzblau: I'm gonna go check up on your friend. 我喜欢宾
Rachel: Ok. That's fine. (takes her earrings out) 宾，这名字不错
[Scene: The Hall Outside Lydia's Room, Joey is walking up to 你们之前怎没提过这名字?
Lydia's room with balloons, but before he enters he sees that the 刚想出来的
baby's father has arrived. He listens at the door.] 这就是我们不在时做的事
Lydia: So how did you know I was even here? 我们能进来吗?
Guy: Your mom called me. So is this her? 当然，请进
Lydia: No, this is a loaner. 我知道
Guy: I'm sorry you had to do this by yourself. 各位，向你们介绍一个人
Lydia: I wasn't by myself. I had a doctor, a nurse, and a helper 他叫宾
guy. (Joey smiles) So, did you see who won the game? 宾，这是大家
Guy: Yeah, the Knicks by 10. They suck. 宾，这是大家
Lydia: Yeah, they're not so bad. 苏珊，他看起来像你
(Joey closes the door and ties the balloons to the knob. Then he 谢谢
walks away, holding the hand of an inflated balloon animal he had 天啊，没想到我们之啤有人生宝宝了
brought.) 我知道，我也是其中之
[Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross is trying to open the door with a 罗斯
credit card, with no success.] 我能吗?
Ross: Come on, come on. Damnit, damnit, damnit, damnit. (to 好，头，你必须…
Susan) This is all your fault. This is supposed to be, like, the 宾，我是你姑姑摩妮卡
greatest day of my life, y'know? My son is being born, and I 没错，我就是你姑姑摩妮卡
should be in there, you know, instead of stuck in a closet with 我将永远有…牙齿
you. 我将永远有…牙齿
Susan: The woman I love is having a baby today. I've been waiting 我要你知道有时我会不在
for this just as much as you have. 像这样
Ross: No no no, believe me. No one has been waiting for this as 我会回来
much as I have, ok? And you know what the funny thing is? When 像这样
this day is over, you get to go home with the baby, ok? Where 有时我会离开更久
does that leave me? 像这样
Susan: You get to be the baby's father. Everyone knows who you 我仍会回来
are. Who am I? There's Mother's Day, there's Father's Day, 像这样
there's no... Lesbian Lover Day. 有时我要你到三垒
Ross: Every day is Lesbian Lover Day. 我会这样
Phoebe: This is so great. 他太神奇了
Ross: You wanna explain that? 对，我知道，你看他
Phoebe: I mean, well, 'cause when I was growing up, you know my 对，我知道，你看他
dad left, and my mother died, and my stepfather went to jail, so 没反应
I barely had enough pieces of parents to make one whole one. And 我想他不喜欢这名字
here's this little baby who has like three whole parents who care 看，他闭上眼睛了
about it so much that they're fighting over who gets to love it 看，他张开眼睛了
the most. And it's not even born yet. It's just, it's just the 他不常动吧?
luckiest baby in the whole world. (pause) I'm sorry, you were 这样已算动了
fighting. 你们想喝咖啡吗?想…
[Scene: Carol's Room, she is ready to give birth. Everyone is 口引门待会儿见
there except for Phoebe, Ross, and Susan, who are in the broom 看，他又闭上眼睛了
closet.]
Carol: Where are they?
Monica: I'm sure they'll be here soon.
Rachel: Yeah, honey, they wouldn't miss this.
Joey: Relax. You're only at nine centimeters. And the baby's at
zero station.
Chandler: (to Joey) You are really frightening me.
(Carol suddenly screams in pain and grabs Chandler by the shirt.)
Chandler: Somebody wanna help me, tryin' to rip out my heart.
(they pull her hand off of him) Uh, that's great. (looking
around) Anybody seen a nipple?
Dr. Franzblau: All right, ten centimeters, here we go.
Nurse: All right, honey, time to start pushing.
Carol: But they're not here yet!
Dr. Franzblau: I'm sorry, I can't tell the baby to wait for them.
Carol: Oh, god.
[Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross has used a broom to open the air
vent in the ceiling. Phoebe is wearing a janitor's uniform, ready
to go up in the vent.]
Ross: Ok, got the vent open.
Phoebe: (reading the nametag on the uniform) Hi, I'm Ben. I'm
hospital worker Ben. It's Ben... to the rescue!
Ross: Ben, you ready? All right, gimme your foot. Ok, on three,
Ben. One, two, three. Ok, That's it, Ben.
(Ross and Susan lift Phoebe up into the vent.)
Susan: What do you see?
Phoebe: Well, Susan, I see what appears to be a dark vent. Wait.
Yes, it is in fact a dark vent.
(A janitor opens the closet door from the outside.)
Ross: Phoebs, It's open! It's open!
(Ross and Susan run to the delivery room, leaving Phoebe dangling
from the vent.)
Janitor: (to Ross and Susan) Wait! You forgot your legs!
[Scene: Carol's Room, Ross and Susan rush in.]
All: Push, push!
Ross: We're here!
Carol: (irked) Where have you been?
Ross: Long story, honey.
Dr. Franzblau: All right, Carol, I need you to keep pushing. I
need—(reaches for an instrument, Rachel's hand is on it) Excuse
me, could I have this?
Nurse: All right, all right, there's a few too many people in
this room, and there's about to be one more, so anybody who's not
an ex-husband or a lesbian life partner, out you go!
All: Good luck!
(Everyone heads for the door.)
Chandler: (to nurse) Let me ask you, do you have to be Carol's
lesbian life partner?
Nurse: Out!
Dr. Franzblau: All right, he's crowning. Here he comes.
Ross: Let me see, I gotta see, I gotta see. Oh, a head. Oh, it's,
it's huge. Carol, how are you doing this?
Carol: (straining) Not.... helping!
Dr. Franzblau: You're doing great, you're doing fine.
Ross: (puts his head near the baby) Hello! (to Dr. Franzblau) Oh,
sorry.
Susan: What do you see? What do you see?
Ross: We got a head, we got shoulders, we got arms, we got, oh,
look at the little fingers, oh, and a chest, and a stomach. It's
a boy, definitely a boy! All right! Ok, legs, knees, and feet.
Oh, oh. He's here. He's a person.
Susan: Oh, look at that.
Carol: What does he look like?
Ross: Kinda like my uncle Ed, covered in Jell-o.
Carol: Really?
Phoebe: (from the air vent overhead) You guys, he's beautiful!
Ross: Oh, thanks, Pheebs!
(They look up towards the vent and wave at Phoebe.)
[Scene: The Delivery Room, Carol is holding the infant.]
Susan: No shouting, but we still need a name for this little guy.
Ross: (thinking) How 'bout Ben?
Susan: I like Ben.
Carol: Ben. Ben. Ben's good. How come you never mentioned Ben
before?
Ross: We uh, we just cooked it up.
Susan: That's what we were off doing.
(Monica opens the door.)
Monica: Hi.
Ross: Hey.
Monica: Can we come in?
(The whole gang enters.)
Ross: (to Ben) I know, I know. Everybody, there's someone I'd
like you to meet. Yeah. This is Ben. Ben, this is everybody.
Phoebe: Susan, he looks just like you.
Susan: Thanks.
Rachel: Oh, god, I can't believe one of us actually has one of
these.
Chandler: I know, I still am one of these.
Monica: Ross, can I?
(Monica holds Ben.)
Ross: The head, the head. You gotta...
Monica: (getting choked up) Hi, Ben. Hi. I'm your Aunt Monica.
Yes I am. I'm your Aunt Monica. I...I will always have gum.
Closing Credits
[Scene: The Hospital, the camera is placed as though it were
Ben's eyes.]
Ross: Ben, I want you to know that there may be some times when I
may not be around, like this. (walks out of the picture) But I'll
still always come back, like this. (returns) And sometimes I may
be away longer, like this. (walks away) But I'll still always
come back, like this. (returns)
(Chandler comes into the picture.)
Chandler: And sometimes, I'll want you to steal third, and I'll
go like this. (Does a baseball sign.)
(The rest of the group come into the picture.)
Monica: He is so amazing.
Rachel: Oh, I know. Look at him.
Joey: Ben, Ben, hey Ben. Nothing. I don't think that's his name.
Phoebe: Oh, look, look, he's closing his eyes. (screen goes
blank) Look, he's opening his eyes. (picture comes back)
Joey: He doesn't do much, does he?
Ross: No, this is pretty much it.
(long moment of silence)
Rachel: You guys wanna get some coffee?
All: Yeah.
Ross: All right, I'll see you guys later.
(They all leave but Ross, but they all come back a few seconds
later. They make faces at the baby.)
Phoebe: Oh, look, he's closing his eyes again.
(The screen fades to black.)
End

124 The One Where Rachel Finds Out

124 The One Where Rachel Finds Out 124 瑞秋恍然大悟

[Scene: Central Perk, the whole gang is there, Ross is showing

pictures of his new baby boy, Ben, to the group.] 小彬彬睡着了
Ross: And here's little Ben nodding off... 看莫妮卡姑姑的小男孩
Monica: Awww, look at Aunt Monica's little boy! 瞧，他有罗斯的发型
Phoebe: Oh, look, he's got Ross's haircut! 我看看
Rachel: Oh, let me see! (grabs picture) Oh, God, is he just the 天啊，真可爱
sweetest thing? You must just want to kiss him all over! 你一定想吻遍他
(Ross is practically drooling over Rachel at this point.) 那感觉一定很好
Ross: (quietly) That would be nice. 怎么了？
(Chandler, annoyed with Ross's fawning, makes a 'pfft' noise.) 没什么
Rachel: Pardon? 只是嘴里有多余的空气
Chandler: Nothing, just a little extra air in my mouth. Pffft. 钱德，愿意帮我吗？
Pffffffft. (walks over to where Joey is seated) 我保证一定会还的
(Joey is looking at his check.) 好，包括上星期的威化饼
Joey: Hey, Chan, can you help me out here? I promise I'll pay you 现在你欠我数不清的钱
back. 这一次我真的会还
Chandler: Oh, yeah, right, OK... inlcuding the waffles last week, 你哪儿来的钱？
you now owe me... 17 jillion dollars. 我正帮纽约大学医学院做一些研究
Joey: I will, really. I'll pay you back this time. 什么研究？
Chandler: (sigh)... And where's this money coming from? (gives 嗯……科学研究
money to Joey) 科学？我想我听说过
Joey: Well... I'm helping out down at the N.Y.U. Med School with 生殖研究
some... research. 乔伊，请告诉我你只贡献时间
Ross: (overhearing) What kind of research? 拜托，这没什么大不了的
Joey: Oh, just, y'know.... science. 真的，我只是两天去一趟
Ross: Science. Yeah, I think I've heard of that. (everyone's 对这计划作些贡献
interest is piqued, they all look over) 但两周后我就有七百元。
Joey: (sigh)... It's a fertility study. 你将“靠手”赚钱
(Rachel laughs.) 我们有酸卷心菜丝，小面包
Monica: Oh, Joey, please tell me you're only donating your time. 还有绞牛肉及火鸡肉
Joey: Alright, come on you guys, it's not that big a deal. 男人回来了
Really... I mean, I just go down there every other day and... 我们生火
make my contribution to the project. Hey, hey, but at the end of 烧肉
two weeks, I get seven hundred dollars. 然后撒尿熄火
Ross: Hey. 结果不再被邀请了
Phoebe: Wow, ooh, you're gonna be making money hand over fist! 真逗
Opening Credits 乔伊，玛莲妮来电说她会迟到
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Phoebe are preparing for 好
a barbecue for Rachel's birthday.] 你们俩进展得如何？
Monica: OK, we got the cole slaw, we got the buns... 她会成为你的心上人吗？
Phoebe: We've got the ground-up flesh of formerly cute cows and 我不知道，她很好
turkeys, ew... (hands meat to Monica) 是吗？
(Chandler and Joey enter with charcoal.) 她对你的研究计划有何感想？
Chandler: (in a deep voice) Men are here. 你认为我会告诉她
Joey: We make fire. Cook meat. 我也和“杯子”约会？
Chandler: Then put out fire by peeing, no get invited back. 男人考虑得真多
Monica and Phoebe: Ewww! 麻烦的是她想和我做爱
Monica: Oh Joey, Melanie called, said she's gonna be late. 这娘儿们疯了
Joey: Oh, OK. 此计划我只剩一星期
Phoebe: So how are things going with you two? Is she becoming 根据规定
your (provocatively) special someone? 如果我想拿到钱
Joey: I don't know, she's, uh.... she's pretty great. 我就不能做“个人”实验
Monica: Yeah? What does she think of your little science project? 如果你们懂我意思的话
Joey: What, you think I'm gonna tell a girl I like that I'm also 乔伊，我们一直都懂你的意思
seeing a cup? 嗨
Monica: Man's got a point. 嗨
Joey: Well, the tough thing is, she really wants to have sex with 你以为烧烤要多久？
me. 我要去中国了
Chandler: Crazy bitch. 你说一件事…
Joey: Yeah, well, I still got a week left to go in the program, 你要去中国？
and according to the rules, if I want to get the money I'm not 对，为博物馆出差
allowed to conduct any... ersonal experiments, if you know what I 有人找到骨头
mean. 我们要骨头
Monica: Joey... we always know what you mean. 但他们不想给我们骨头
[Time lapse. Chandler and Joey are making the fire, Monica and 因此派我去说服他们给我们骨头
Phoebe are inside. Ross enters, carrying luggage.] 都是骨头的事
Phoebe: Hey. 总之，我要去一个星期
Monica: Hey. 你们将联络不到我
Ross: Hey. (Phoebe sees his bags) 这是我的行程表
Phoebe: How long did you think this barbecue was gonna last? 这是我的照片
Ross: I'm going to China. 让我看
Phoebe: Jeez, you say one thing, and... 你能时不时拿照片到卡萝家去给彬看？
Monica: You're going to China? 这样他就不会忘记我了
Ross: Yeah, i-it's for the museum. Someone found a bone, we want 彬，我是你爸爸
the bone, but they don't want us to have the bone, so I'm going 我是头
over there to try to persuade them to give us the bo—it's—it's 这回烧烤一定很好玩
a whole big bone thing. Anyway, I'm gonna be gone for like, uh... 瑞秋在吗？
like a week, so, uh, if you wanna reach me, y-you can't. So 我想在我离开前祝她生日快乐
here's my itinerary (hands a sheet of paper to Monica). Um... 她和卡尔在外面喝酒
here's a picture of me... (hands it to Monica) 卡尔是谁？
Phoebe: Oh, let me see! (takes the picture) 她在咖啡屋认识的那个
Ross: (to Monica): Could you take it to Carol's every now and 不认识
then, and show it to Ben, just so he doesn't forget me? 这个人是她…在咖啡屋认识的
Monica: Yeah. 这么说你知道他是谁
(Phoebe puts the picture of Ross up to her face.) 我去跟他们道别
Phoebe: Hi, Ben. I'm your father. I am... the head. 告诉他们骨头的事吧
Aaaaaahhhh.... (puts picture down, sees Ross staring at her) 我得到中国(磁器)一趟
Alright, this barbecue is gonna be very fun. 国家？
Ross: Hey, is Rachel here? Um, I wanted to wish her a happy 不，我妈家中的一大堆盘子
birthday before I left. 你知道卡尔是谁吗？
Monica: Oh no, she's out having drinks with Carl. 我想想看
Ross: Oh. (pause) Hey, who's Carl? 艾文，赛门，希尔朵…不认识
Monica: You know, that guy she met at the coffeehouse. 瑞秋今晚和他在一起喝酒
Ross: No. 不，她还没对你有任何表示前
Phoebe: Oh, well, see, there's this guy she met at the... 怎能这样做？
Ross: At the coffeehouse, right. 忘了她吧
Phoebe: So you do know who he is! (laughs, Ross stares at her) 他说得对，伙计
Sorry. 去吧，到中国，吃中国菜
Ross: OK, I'm gonna go say goodbye to the guys. 当然，他们在那儿只称为菜
Phoebe: Oh, hey, y'know what? Tell them that bone story. 是吗？大概吧，我也不知道
(Ross goes outisde on the balcony.) 帮我把这个交给她，好吗？
Ross: Hi. 兄弟，我们只是为你着想
Joey: Hey! 我们要你快乐
Chandler: Hey! 或许我喝了两瓶
Ross: (sigh)....I have to go to China. 但我爱你
Joey: The country? 我只喝了一瓶
Ross: No no, this big pile of dishes in my mom's breakfront. Do 我觉得你人真好
you guys know who Carl is? 总之，我和朋友开始水果篮事业后
Chandler: Uh, let's see... Alvin... Simon... Theodore.... no. 我们就自称为”三篮人”
Ross: Well, Rachel's having drinks with him tonight. 就像“三剑客”，只是多了水果
Joey: Oh no! How can she do that when she's never shown any 好吧，谁想吃汉堡？
interest in you?!? 不，先拆礼物，待会儿再吃东西
Chandler: Forget about her. 等等，猛男
Joey: He's right, man. Please. Move on. Go to China. Eat Chinese 进展得如何？
food. 不太顺利
Chandler: Course there, they just call it food. 她想在今晚就“敲定这笔交易”
Ross: Yeah... I guess. I don't—I don't know. Alright, just... 如果你…你懂
just give her this for me, OK? (gives Chandler a gift for Rachel) 曾想过要为她着想？
Joey: Listen, buddy, we're just looking out for you. 什么意思？
Ross: I know. 只为她着想
Joey: We want you to be happy. And I may only have a couple beers 不懂
in me, but... I love you, man. (Joey gives Ross a hug) 好好想一想
Chandler: I'm still on my first. I just think you're nice. 我猜这是…谢谢，玛莲妮
[Time lapse. Melanie, Joey's girlfriend, is there with Joey, 这是我送你的
Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel. Ross is gone.] 好轻，还有声音
Melanie: Anyway, that's when me and my friends started this whole 是……旅游拼字
fruit basket business. We call ourselves 'The Three Basketeers.' 谢谢
Joey: Like the three musketeers, only with fruit. 这是乔伊送的
Chandler: (sarcastic) Ooooh. (looks dumbfounded at Joey's 感觉像是一本书
stupidity) 我猜是一本书
Monica: (gets up) OK, how does everybody like their burgers? 感觉像是一本书
Rachel: Oh, no, no, no. Presents first. Food later. (walks into 就是一本书
living room) 是《苏博士》
(Everyone follows Rachel to the living room. Monica pulls Joey 那本书让我度过许多难关
aside.) 这男人里面有个小孩
Monica: Hey, hold on there, tiger. How's it going? How you 医生说把他移走他就会死
holding up? 这是谁送的？
Joey: Well, not so good. She definitely thinks tonight is the 罗斯送的
night we're gonna... complete the transaction, if you know what 天啊，他记得
I... 记得什么？
(Monica rolls her eyes.) 几个月前我们经过一家古董店
Joey: Then you do. Heh, heh. 在橱窗看见这个胸针时
Monica: So, uh, have you ever thought about being there for her? 我告诉他我小时候我祖母也有一个
Joey: What do you mean? 没想到他还记得
Monica: Y'know, just be there for her. 虽然如此，但你能在飞机上玩吗？
(Long pause... Joey looks confused.) 好漂亮
Joey: Not following you. 真漂亮
Monica: Think about it. 一定花了他不少钱
(They both walk over to where Rachel is opening her gifts. Rachel 没想到他会这么做
sees her first gift is a fruit basket.) 拜托，罗斯？
Rachel: OK, I'm guessing this is from... 记得大学的时候他和卡萝谈恋爱时
(Melanie smiles.) 他送给她一只贵死人的水晶鸭
Rachel: Well, thank you, Melanie. 你刚才说什么？
Chandler: (pointing out a gift) OK, this one right here is from 水晶鸭
me. 不……“恋爱”那一部份
Rachel: (picks it up) OK... ah, it's light... (shakes it)...it 谈…谈……
rattles... it's... (opens it) Travel Scrabble! Oooohhh, thank 天啊
you! (she gives it back to him) 糟了……
(Chandler looks dejected. Rachel picks up another gift.) 很好，继续挠你的头
Rachel: This one's from Joey... feels like a book. Thinks it's a 时间会倒流的
book... feels like a book. And...(opens it)...it's a book! 太不可思议了
Phoebe: Oh, it's Dr. Seuss! 真是太不可思议了
Joey: (to Rachel): That book got me through some tough times. 我知道，这真是太大了
Melanie: There is a little child inside this man! 不，它又小又细又霉
Chandler: Yes, the doctors say if they remove it, he'll die. 我认为我们的生活将产生变化
(Rachel picks up the next gift.) 这女人身上有静音按钮吗？
Rachel: Who's this from? 我认为这样很好啊
Chandler: Oh, that's Ross's. 你和罗斯
Rachel: Oh... (opens it)... (sees it is a pin) Oh my God. He 你有感觉吗？
remembered. 没有
Phoebe: Remembered what? 我来到纽约的第一夜
Rachel: It was like months ago. We were walking by this antique 他曾提过要约我出去
store, and I saw this pin in the window, and I told him it was 但他后来再没提过邀我出去
just like one my grandmother had when I was a little girl. Oh! I 所以我……
can't believe he remembered! 他还说些什么？
Chandler: Well, sure, but can you play it on a plane? (pats his 他想约我出去？
Travel Scrabble game) 如果他爱你爱得无法自拔
Phoebe: Oh, it's so pretty. This must have cost him a fortune. 他大概想和你
Monica: I can't believe he did this. 喝杯咖啡什么的
Chandler: Come on, Ross? Remember back in college, when he fell 罗斯？这些日子以来？
in love with Carol and bought her that ridiculously expensive 我得找他谈谈
crystal duck? 可他现在中国
(Everyone looks at him. He realizes he just spilled the beans 那个国家
about Ross's crush on Rachel. You can hear this entire classic 等等，他的飞机再过45分钟才会起飞
scene by clicking here.) 时差呢？
Rachel: What did you just say? 从这儿到机场？
Chandler: (panicked) ahem... um... Crystal duck. 对
Rachel: No, no, no.... the, um, the... 'love' part? 你赶不上的
Chandler: (stuttering incoherently) F-hah.... flennin.... 我得试试
Rachel: Oh.... my God. 瑞秋，你要对他说什么？
Chandler: (rubbing his temples) Oh, no-no-no-no-no.... 我也不知道
Joey: (pats Chandler on the leg) That's good, just keep rubbing 那么或许你不该去
your head. That'll turn back time. 没错，因为你是去伤他的心
Commercial Break 不妨再等等
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.] 对，但如果是好消息
Rachel: I mean, this is unbelievable. 你得立刻去
Phoebe: I know. This is really, really huge. 我也不知道
Chandler: No it's not. It's small. It's tiny. It's petite. It's 或许见到面时我就知道
wee. 这个有帮助吗？
Phoebe: Nuh-uh. I don't think any of our lives are ever gonna be 没用
the same ever again. 我只知道我等不了一星期
Chandler: OK, is there a mute button on this woman? 这件事太严重了
Monica: I think this is so great! I mean, you and Ross! D-did you 我得和他谈谈，再见了
have any idea? 瑞秋，我爱你
Rachel: No! None! I mean, my first night in the city, he 先跟我把事情解决
mentioned something about asking me out, but nothing ever 你笑什么？
happened, so I just... (to Joey): W-well, what else did he say? I 罗斯，抱歉
mean, does he, like, want to go out with me? 请出示登机证
Joey: Well, given that he's desperately in love with you, he 我没有,我只是想找我朋友
probably wouldn't mind getting a cup of coffee or something. 抱歉，除非有登机证
Rachel: Ross? All this time? Well, I've got to talk to him. (gets 否则不能进人
up to leave) 我知道，他刚走
Chandler: (quickly) H-He's in China! 他就在那儿，穿蓝色夹克
Joey: The country. 我能…
Monica: No, no, wait. (checks Ross's itinerary) His flight 不行……联邦法规
doesn't leave for another forty-five more minutes. 好吧，能请你帮我传话给他？
Chandler: What about the time difference? 这件事非常重要
Monica: From here to the airport? 好吧，请说
Chandler: Yes! (Rachel walks towards door) You're never gonna 我也不知道
make it! 抱歉，先生
Monica: Rachel, what're you gonna say to him? 有人叫我传话给你
Rachel: I-I-I don't know. 什么?
Chandler: Well then maybe you shouldn't go. 是瑞秋
Joey: He's right, cause if you're just gonna, like, break his 她说她喜欢你送的礼物
heart, that's the kind of thing that can wait. 你回来后她想见你
Monica: Yeah, but if it's good news, you should tell him now. 什么？
Rachel: I don't know. Maybe I'll know when I see him. 桃碧，拜托，
Phoebe: Here, look, alright, does this help? 我不知道她在说什么
(Phoebe gets up, holds the picture of Ross up to her face.) 我不认识瑞秋
Rachel: Noooo... look, all I know is that I cannot wait a week 别给我脸色看
until I see him. I mean, this is just too big. Y'know, I just, 呣……乔伊……
I've just gotta talk to him. I... I gotta... OK, I'll see you 我想我爽昏了
later. (opens door) 这不算什么
Chandler: Rachel, I love you! Deal with me first! (she leaves) 现在让我来伺候你
[Scene: Airport, Ross has headphones on, and is listening to a 别管我了
'How To Speak Chinese' tape. Occasionally, he makes an outburst 我再伺候你一回
in Chinese in accordance with the tape. He is getting on the 又是我？
jetway. The flight attendant is there.] 当然，有何不可？
Ross: (something in Chinese) 明天有人会收到大水果篮
Flight Attendant: Alright! 我得告诉你
Ross: Ni-chou chi-ma! (walks onto jetway) 你不像我想像中的那样
(Rachel runs into the airport, trying to catch Ross, moving 什么意思？
people out of the way.) 说不上来
Rachel: Ross! Excuse me, pardon me, excuse me.... 大概是我认为
(Rachel gets up to the jetway.) 你是只顾自己享受的人
Flight Attendant: Hi! 但你是个乐于付出的人
Rachel: Hi. 你是我见过最慷慨的人
Flight Attendant: May I see your boarding pass? 你简直就是个女人
Rachel: Oh, no, no, I don't have one. I just need to talk to my 瑞秋，这包装纸要留下来吗？
friend. 只破了一点点
Flight Attendant: Oh, oooh. I'm sorry. You are not allowed on the 你要为罗斯留下
jetway unless you have a boarding pass. 还是要我丢掉？
Rachel: No, I know, but I—he just went on. He's right there, 我不知道
he's got the blue jacket on, I... can I j-just... 我左思右想
Flight Attendant: No no no! Federal regulations! 罗斯，就是罗斯了
Rachel: OK, alright, OK, um... then could you please, uh... just 当然
give him a message for me? Please? This is very important. 这是我内心深处的感受
Flight Attendant: Alright. What's the message? 我想这样应该会很不错
Rachel: Uh... I don't know. 天啊，我也是这样想
[Cut to the Jetway, the flight attendant enters, walks past Ross, 这样我们就成了亲戚兼朋友
and approaches an older man with his wife who is also wearing a 你知道最棒的是什么？
blue jacket.] 最棒的就是你已对他了如指掌
Flight Attendant: Sir? Sir? Excuse me, sir? Uh... I have a 就好像从第15次约会开始
message for you. 对，但这就像
Man: (confused) What? 从第15次约会开始
Flight Attendant: It's from Rachel. She said that she loved the 这观点也不错
present, and she will see you when you get back. 不，在第15次约会时
Man: (to wife): Toby... Oh, for God's sake, I don't know what 感情已相当深厚
she's talking about! There's no Rachel! Don't give me that deep 你们已经定下来了
freeze. 如果感情破裂该怎么办？
[Scene: Joey's Bedroom, he and Melanie are in bed together.] 为何会感情破裂？
Melanie: Mmmmmm... Oh, Joey, Joey, Joey... I think I blacked out 不知道，感情是勉强不来的
there for a minute! 你不觉得他帅？
Joey: Heh, heh. It was nothin'. 什么？
Melanie: Well, now we've gotta find something fun for you! (she 他钱赚得不够多？
starts kissing his chest) 不,我只是
Joey: (panicked) Uhhh.. y'know what? Forget about me. Let's, 或许是另有其人？
uh... let's give you another turn. 有吗？还有另外的男人？
Melanie: (surprised) M-Me again? 没有，没有另有其人
Joey: Sure! Why not? 那么你为何甩掉我哥？
Melanie: Boy, somebody's gonna get a big fruit basket tomorrow. 什么?
(Joey starts to kiss her.) 大…挥霍者
Melanie: Oooh, I gotta tell you... you are nothing like I thought 她还在睡觉
you would be. 情况如何？
Joey: How do you mean? 简直是太神奇了
Melanie: I don't know, I-I guess I just had you pegged as one of 你有没有老觉得自己床上功夫不错？
those guys who're always 'me, me, me.' But you... you're a giver. 你会问这种问题
You're like the most generous man I ever met. I mean... you're 表示你根本不了解我
practically a woman. 昨晚我不能做让自己满足的事
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are 因此我得搬出全套功夫
there. Monica is holding the wrapping paper from one of Rachel's 结果我得到什么回应？
gifts.] 我的天啊
Monica: Uh, so, uh, Rach, uh... do you wanna save this wrapping 就像是盛大的游行
paper, I mean, it's only a little bit torn... so are you gonna go 我知道
for it with Ross or should I just throw it out? 游行发生时
Rachel: I don't know. I don't know... I thought about it all the 我的房间就非常接近游行路线
way there, and I thought about it all the way back... and, uh, 这简直是太神奇了
oh, you guys, y'know, it's Ross. Y'know what I mean? I mean, it's 而且不只是对她
Ross. 对我也一样
Monica and Phoebe: Sure. 我就好像突然失明
Rachel: I don't know, I mean, this is just my initial gut 但其他的感官却更加的敏感
feeling... but I'm thinking... oh, I'm thinking it'd be really 好像我达到更高的境界
great. 我不知道你还有更高的境界
Monica: Oh my God, me too! Oh! Oh, we'd be like friends-in-law! 我懂，我自己也不知道
Y'know what the best part is? The best part is that you already 漂亮的裙子，生日礼物？
know everything about him! I mean, it's like starting on the 对
fifteenth date! 谁送的？
Phoebe: Yeah, but, y'know, it's... it would be like starting on 你
the fifteenth date. 我把你送的衬衫拿去换的
Monica: Another good point. 真聪明
Phoebe: No, I mean, I mean, when you're at the fifteenth date, 罗斯的飞机不是再过几小时就要抵达
y'know, you're already in a very relationshippy place. Y'know, 了？
it's... you're committed. 27-B出口？
Rachel: (confused) Huh? 对
Phoebe: Well, I mean, then what happens if it doesn't work out? 我一直在想
Monica: Why isn't it working out? 我虽决定和罗斯在一起
Rachel: I don't know... sometimes it doesn't. 但这样或许不好
Monica: Is he not cute enough for you? 为什么？
Rachel: No! 因为我感觉
Monica: Does he not make enough money? 我不只是和他出去
Rachel: No, I'm just.... 而是和你们大家一起出去
Phoebe: Maybe there's someone else. 因为压力…
Rachel: Wha... 不
Monica: Is there? Is there someone else? ……没有压力…
Rachel: No! There is.. there is noone else! 八字都还没一撇你就…
Monica: Then why the hell are you dumping my brother?!? 我没有
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is eating breakfast, Joey 开始我也觉得有点奇怪
quietly opens his bedroom door.] 但我没事的，我保证
Chandler: Hey, big... 谁啊？
Joey: Shhhh! 是我，卡尔
Chandler: (quietly) ...spender. 上来！
Joey: She's still asleep. 背着我哥？
Chandler: So how'd it go? 我就不做出这种疯狂事
Joey: Oh, it was amazing. You know how you always think you're -七百块！
great in bed? -好样的，你办到了！
Chandler: The fact that you'd even ask that question shows how 我们有水果可以吃吗？
little you know me. 折腾了两星期
Joey: Well, it's like, last night, I couldn't do the thing that 但我感觉自己学到了一些
usually makes me great. So I had to do all this other stuff. And 真的？
the response I got... man, oh man, it was like a ticker tape 这么说你将继续“牺牲自己成全她
parade! 人”？
Chandler: Yes, I know, as it happens my room is very very close 你疯了不成
to the parade route. 瞎子重见光明后会这样走路吗？
Joey: It was amazing! And not just for her... uh-uh. For me, too. 我是说如果我再看见
It's like, all of a sudden, I'm blind. But all my other senses 艾德贝格拉二世在那电车上
are heightened, y'know? It's like... I was able to appreciate it 我就举枪自尽
on another level. 别误会我的意思
Chandler: I didn't know you had another level. 我个人并不反对环保
Joey: I know! Neither did I! 只是我讨厌那家伙
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, one week later. Monica is seated, 我难以相信你跟他约会
Rachel comes out of her bedroom.] 而不是跟我
Monica: Hey, great skirt! Birthday present? 抱歉，我正在约会
Rachel: Yeah. 行，那就别再想我
Monica: Oh, from who? 办不到，对不？
Rachel: From you. I exchanged the blouse you got me. 我在想你，那又怎样？
Monica: Well, it's the thought. Hey, doesn't Ross's flight get in 我不懂你为何会选上这种人？
in a couple hours? At gate 27-B? 他像是个好男人
Rachel: Uh, yeah. Uh, Monica, y'know, honey, I've been thinking 老兄，买台真正的车吧
about it and I've decided this—this whole Ross thing, it's just 瑞秋，给我一个机会吧
not a good idea. 罗斯，太难了
Monica: Oh, why? 为什么？因为大家会感觉不对劲？
Rachel: Because, I feel like I wouldn't just be going out with 谁理他们啊
him. I would be going out with all of you. Oh, and there would 这是我们两人的事
just be all this pressure, and I don't wanna... 我从九年级开始就爱上你
Monica: (gets up) No, no, no, no, no, no pressure, no pressure! 罗斯，你像是我最要好的朋友
Rachel: Monica, nothing has even happened yet, and you're already 我知道如果分手我将失去你
so... 不，你为何认为我们会分手？
Monica: I am not 'so'! OK, I was a teensy bit weird at first, 曾和你在一起的人不是都和你分手了
but... I'll be good. I promise. 是
(Door buzzer goes off. Rachel answers it.) 但这种事只会发生一次
Rachel: Who is it? 你我都知道我们是天生的一对，对不？
Intercom: It's me, Carl. 关键是
Rachel: C'mon up. 你对我有感觉吗？
Monica: Behind my brother's back? (Rachel glares at her) ... is 我不知道
exactly the kind of crazy thing you won't be hearing from me. 我从未以那种方式看你
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is seated, and the 那就开始看吧
apartment is filled with baskets of fruit. Joey enters, check in 没错，我就是被困在车阵中的那一个
hand.] 对……
Joey: Seven hundred bucks! 你知道吗？
Chandler: Alright, you did it! Do we have any fruit? 什么
Joey: Man, hell of a two weeks, huh? Y'know what, though? I 我忘了我应该去机场接朋友
really feel like I learned something. 真是抱歉
Chandler: Really? So, you're gonna stick with this 'it's all for 如果你想在这儿继续喝，请便
her' thing? 但我得走了,抱歉
Joey: What, are you crazy? When a blind man gets his sight back, 可是
does he walk around like this? (Joey closes his eyes and walks 让一让……让一让……
around with arms spread.) 桃碧，别再胡思乱想了
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, Rachel is having drinks with 没有瑞秋这个人
her date, Carl.] 嘿，你掉了东西
Carl: I'm just sayin', if I see one more picture of Ed Begley, 谢谢,甜心
Jr. in that stupid electric car, I'm gonna shoot myself! I mean, 不客气
don't get me wrong... I'm not against environmental issues per 我迫不及待想把你介绍给我朋友们
se.... it's just that guy! 真的？
(Rachel looks bored. At this point, Ross—a figment of Rachel's 对
imagination— shows up on the balcony and starts talking to her.) 你不认为他们会对我评头论足、取笑我？
Ross: I can't believe you'd rather go out with him than me. 他们会的
Rachel: Would you excuse me, please? I'm trying to have a date 但我实在是等不及
here. 别担心，他们一定会喜欢你的
Ross: Fine, just stop thinking about me.
(She tries, and Ross disappears momentarily. He reappears,
standing closer to her.)
Ross: Can't do it, can you?
Rachel: So I'm thinking about you. So what?
Ross: I don't get it. What do you see in this guy, anyway?
Rachel: Well... he happens to be a very nice... guy....
Carl: I mean, come on, buddy, get a real car!
Ross: Rachel, come on. Give us a chance.
Rachel: Ross, it's too hard.
Ross: No, no, no... why, because it might get weird for everyone
else? Who cares about them. This is about us. Look, I-I've been
in love with you since, like, the ninth grade.
Rachel: Ross, you're like my best friend.
Ross: I know.
Rachel: If we broke up, and I lost you...
Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What makes you think we're gonna break
up?
Rachel: Well, have you been involved with someone where you
haven't broken up?
Ross: (pause) No. But... it only has to happen once. Look, you
and I both know we are perfect for each other, right? I mean...
so, the only question is... are you attracted to me?
Rachel: I don't know... I mean, I've never looked at you that way
before.
Ross: Well, start looking.
(They kiss. Ross walks away, and then fades out.)
Rachel: Wow.
Carl: Exactly! And you just know I'm gonna be the guy caught
behind this hammerhead in traffic!
Rachel: Right! You're right!
Carl: Heh... y'know?
Rachel: You know what?
Carl: What?
Rachel: I forgot... I am supposed to pick up a friend at the
airport. I am so sorry! I'm so... if you want to stay, and finish
your drinks, please do.... (gives him her drink) I mean—I'm
sorry. I-I-I gotta go. I'm sorry.
(Rachel leaves.)
Carl: But...
[Scene: Airport. Madonna's Take A Bow plays in the background as
Rachel waits at the gate with flowers.]
Rachel: (sifting through crowd) Excuse me, pardon me, excuse me,
excuse me, sorry. Hi.
[Cut to the jetway, the old man who the flight attendant
delivered Rachel's message to gets off the plane, his wife still
upset with him.]
Man: For God's sake, will you let it go? There's no Rachel!
(A Chinese woman getting off the plane drops one of her bags.
Ross gets off next.)
Ross: Oh, hey, hey, I got that.
(Ross picks up the bag... then he and the woman kiss.)
Julie: Oh, thanks, sweetie.
Ross: No problem. I cannot wait for you to meet my friends.
Julie: Really?
Ross: Yeah.
Julie: You don't think they'll judge and ridicule me?
Ross: No, no, they will. I just... uh...
Ross and Julie: Can't wait.
Ross: Come on, they're gonna love you.
[Cut to a close-up of Rachel, eagerly awaiting Ross's arrival...
not knowing he is getting off the plane with another woman.]
End