Brain Hacks: How to Learn

Empathy
By Chase Amante

Empathy is a twisty topic,

and one that's often
hung with mounds of
cultural baggage. The
politically correct party
line at the moment is, "All
empathy is good; all lack
of empathy is bad, bad,
BAD."

The truth of the matter is

a bit more complicated
than this (decidedly
unempathetic) black-and-white thinking on empathy: strong
empathy is a bit like a superpower and a crippling weakness, all
rolled up into one.

In this article, we'll be looking at the full range of empathy profiles -

from sociopaths, supposedly unable to feel empathy at all, to
empaths, those souls so bursting with empathy that stepping on a
bug makes them feel awful.

And what I most want to talk about in today's article is striking the
right balance - enough empathy that you are able to perceptively
know what other people are thinking, what they are feeling, and
what they want, but not so much that you render yourself unable to
take any action, out of fear of hurting, offending, or invoking the
displeasure of someone else.

As a child, I can remember some curiously contrasting behaviors:

pulling legs of ants to see what they'd do, without worrying much
about what they felt (it seemed to me that they did not feel pain;
normally, I euthanized them after these experiments regardless); but
coming to the rescue of countless hapless earthworms I'd discover
frying on the sidewalk after crawling out of the dirt following a rain
shower and being stranded up on pavement they could not burrow
back down into.

According to psychologists, we don't really fully develop cognitive

empathy - the ability to put ourselves in someone else's shoes and
imagine the world through his eyes - until our teenage years.
Affective empathy (feeling others' pain) for boys takes a hit in early
adolescence, before rebounding; for girls, it just goes up and up.

Yet, we live in an increasingly self-centered world; as I mentioned in

"Navigating the Culture of Me", more and more individuals are
being less and less empathetic; it's happening much faster in
women, but affecting both sexes, and issues with empathy are
becoming a bigger problem for everyone: either you aren't that
empathetic yourself, or you have to deal with people who aren't.

The first question we must ask ourselves, when dealing with our
own empathy shortfalls, is whether empathy can be learned - and if
so, do we even want to learn it?

The Truth About Empathy

Here's an interesting video on the subject from RSA Animate:

RSA ANIMATE: The Power of Outrospection

I think one of the most interesting subjects discussed in this video is

the concept of meeting individuals from outside of one's usual
circles or experiences and getting to know them well in order to
increase one's own empathy.

That's a recommendation I've made a number of times on this site

before - in the article on being a great conversationalist; in the
one on reference points and changing worldviews. By exposing
yourself to various different kinds of people, you challenge your
own preset notions, make it increasingly difficult for yourself to
remain removed and judgmental, and humanize people who
previously were only stereotypes to you. But more on that a little
later in this article.

The video also talks about labels, something I talked about in these
three articles:

Labels Good and Labels Bad

What Happens When You Label People (or Let Them Label
You)
The 9 Male Identities and How They Affect You with Women

The problem with labels is that labels are a way of dehumanizing

another person - they take a complex, multidimensional individual,
and reduce him to a one-dimensional caricature. You can use this to
your advantage sometimes - in the case of sexy, attractive
caricatures, where you become some fantasy figure a woman finds
exciting and sexual, or if, say, you're applying for a job and can paint
yourself as the "dream candidate" - but any unfavorable labels
must be fought with fire and vehemence. They're ways of taking
away your humanity and reducing you to a cartoon character, and
almost everybody uses them.

One of the things you may have picked up on this site is that there is
a very strong focus on empathy in the content here. Almost every
article on this site:

Explains why things are in a way that's digestible even to

people who'd disagree
Extolls the virtues of understanding and empathizing over
writing off and judging
Reminds you to be responsible and considerate in your use of
what you learn here

There are a number of reasons why that is - including the fact that
I'm trying to reach a wide audience with the content on here, and
not merely the 500 people in the world who already believe X
concept and just felt like reading another article on it telling them
things they already knew - but the one of biggest interest to the
average reader is probably this: being able to empathize with
other people - REALLY empathize; to know their thoughts and
feel their pain - makes you BETTER with other people... better
able to get what you want, and better able to help them get what
they want.

Right up to the point where you've got too much of it.

The Empath's Cross

One of the extremes of empathy is the extreme of being what's

becoming popularly known as an "empath." Sort of like the term
"psychic vampire", there's some occult-ish stuff on the Internet
about how empaths are actually psychically connected to others'
emotions and that's why they feel them so strongly... but that's not
what we're talking about here, nor is it how we're using the term.
The "empath" I'm talking about is simply a person with sky-high
empathy whose heart bleeds for other people.

Very high empathy has some really cool advantages, including:

The ability to absorb others' bad emotions and

make them feel good: this occurs because the other
person understands that the high empathy person genuinely
"gets" his or her emotions, then provides uplift or inspiration
once the negativity is alleviated (see Drexel's article "How to
Show Empathy with Women" for more on this)

High attunement to others' emotions, and an

ability to nip problems in the bud: when you're very
 attuned to others' emotions, you're able to sense problems a
mile away, and can deal with them when they're still small -
rather than having to wait until molehills explode into
mountains, as tends to happen with lower empathy individuals

High creativity: when you instinctively know what is

appealing to others, you spend a lot of time as a creative,
because your creative works are reward with praise,
recognition, and success

Expansive knowledge base: one of the more interesting

traits of high empathy people is that their brains are always in
the "on" position - they don't really zone out; they're always
tuned to "full awareness" (we'll talk about this below too). On
the plus side, that means they are picking up knowledge and
information everywhere, all the time, about all things, and this
tends to give them a large base to intuit and problem-solve
from

Now, the downsides - and here's where the "cross to bear" comes
into play:

Getting weighted down with others' bad emotions

/ become the suffering servant: all that playing
therapist to others has a price: you end up feeling all the bad
things those others offloaded onto you. You can also end up
feeling obligated to help out those in need, and end up
sacrificing your own happiness for that of others (frequently,
these others you attract who need your help end up being
people who are always in need of constant saving, to boot -
they end up becoming a perpetual drain on your energies)

Can become oversensitive to others' emotions: you

 can become so oversensitive to others' emotions that it
becomes paralyzing; you don't want to hurt people, feel bad
about saying "no" to them, can't stomach negative feedback
from them, can't deal with rejection, and just end up shutting
yourself off away from them and disconnecting to avoid dealing
with the influx of emotions

Can't handle routine: because high empathy people are

used to guiding and directing (i.e., they're the ones telling
others how to fix that problem and how to make this thing
happen and what to do to get over that emotion), getting stuck
into a routine where they are not in control and especially if
they have inflexible / un-understanding teachers, bosses, or
superiors is absolutely strangling

Easily tired out and drained: the flip side of that "always
on" awareness the high empathy person's brain is switched into
is that they're constantly running at full power, which means the
battery burns out faster, too. In the wrong situations - with very
demanding people, or high-stress low-control circumstances -
the high empathy person can become fatigued more rapidly
than individuals of lower empathy, who aren't taxing themselves
working to be as constantly aware of others' shifting thoughts
and emotions

Basically, think of a highly empathetic person as someone whose

emotional association is stuck in the "on" position. That brings
some strong benefits, but also some strong drawbacks. Many more
creative high empathy people effectively become recluses, cutting
themselves off from most other close relationships to stem the tide
of emotions these relationships bring.

The Sociopath's Holes

The converse of the empath is the sociopath, or psychopath (some
psychologists use the terms interchangeably; some define them
differently): someone with little or no empathy.

In some ways, being a sociopath is a pretty nifty deal: you get to be

charming, charismatic, and can push for and do whatever you want
without caring one iota how the other person thinks or feels about it.

No more failing to stand up for yourself when the airline company

messes up your reservation because you're afraid of making a stir
and, besides, it's not like it's the ticket agent's fault anyway...
instead, the sociopath will do whatever he needs to do to make sure
the damn airline company rectifies the issue and gets him his ticket
already.

No more taking on lost causes in need of constant emotional

support who latch onto you like barnacles and suck you dry like
leeches; the sociopath doesn't need them, doesn't want them, and
scrapes them off the moment they start nipping at his boots. No
thanks.

But being a sociopath has its own unique set of disadvantages,

too. First off, though, let's look at a piece of research on sociopathy;
namely, whether sociopaths really are wholly devoid of empathy... or
not.

Here's an excerpt from an absolutely fascinating article from

Psychology Today, that will change the way you think about
empathy (and psychopathic killers):

“But then, how can they be so charming at times? I remember

chatting with one of the patients, Patient 13, a particularly severe
psychopath (he had scored the full 40 points on the
psychopathy checklist). Surrounded by the guards, he seemed a
most pleasant person. He was smiling, engaging, and seemed to
feel exactly what we wanted from him. Many of our ‘normalʼ
participants seemed rough and unfriendly in comparison. Valeria
Gazzola, with whom I lead the lab, suggested that we let the
patients watch the movies again, but asking them to try and
empathize with the victims in the movies. What we found was
that this simple instruction sufficed to boost the empathic
activation in their brain to a level that was hard to distinguish
from that of the healthy controls. Suddenly, the psychopaths
seemed as empathic as the next guy. Their empathy was
switched on.”

And that's the secret of the sociopath's magnetic charm - he's able
to turn his empathy on and off at will. As that Psychology Today
article goes on to state, for most people, empathy is the default
mode; for sociopaths, it's something voluntary.

In fact, even highly empathetic people can switch empathy off: even
if you're a high empath, I'm sure you can think of at least a few times
in your life when something or someone made you so angry that you
just switched off empathy for that person and were ready to do
whatever you needed to do to punish or destroy them.

But, perhaps an even more appropriate analogy than that of a

switch is that of a dimmer: we can dial our empathy up, and we can
dial our empathy down. That article quoted above noted in brain
scans of psychopaths before asking them to empathize, there still
was empathetic activity in the brain - just not a whole lot of it. And
the difference between a person of "normal" empathy levels and a
person of high empathy levels, again, is not an on-off switch; it's a
matter of degree.

Before we move on and talk about learning and using empathy in

the best way possible though, let's get a more balanced picture of a
low empathy person - both the benefits, and the drawbacks.

Benefits of low levels of empathy include:

The ability to go after what you want with assertiveness,

persistence, and steely-eyed determination

Not getting slowed down by emotionally needy or parasitic

individuals who want and need your constant help and support

Fearlessness, because not only are you not empathizing with

others, you're also not empathizing with yourself - "future you"
is insignificant, in other words, so you can do whatever you
want now and not fear the consequences

The ability to see things clearly and objectively, without the

emotions of those around you or those who will be affected by
a decision muddying up the picture
Disadvantages of low levels of empathy include:

Bullishness that can be charming at first, but fatiguing to others

around you after a while, as they become constant victims of
your runaway winner effect (i.e., you always win, and they
always lose)

Failing to differentiate between people who are valuable to your

life but going through a hard spell, and people who are pure
value drains who are always going to need hand-holding
forever, leading to a revolving door of people in your life -
including those people who would be most valuable to you over
the long-term

Recklessness and poor long-term decision making, because

you're not thinking about the effects of your actions on other
people or on future you - you're not considering the full range
of variables, and not able to while in an unempathetic state

A tendency to make "logically sound" decisions that are

nevertheless emotionally bereft or morally bankrupt, based on
incomplete logic that only accounts for what you've learned is
logically important, and ignoring what your empathetic
subconscious deems to also be important (but it's switched off
and can't influence your decision making)

So, it isn't all charm and success for sociopaths; rather, it's more
short-term charm and short-term success, and long-term failing out
of people from their lives, and long-term negative consequences
from their brilliant-seeming short-term decisions.

Thus, the extremes of empathy - very high empathy, or very low

empathy - carry with each of them some tantalizing boons... but
also some very unpleasant banes.
But what if you could learn how to have empathy in just the
dose you needed it, at just the time you needed it, and in such a
way that you were rarely ever either over empathetic or under
empathetic?

Know what I think the key to perfect empathy is? It's this:

Default to "above average empathy", with the ability to dial up

or dial down as needed, depending on circumstance. To my
mind, that's the ideal; keep it at healthy but measurable doses. With
above average empathy, you:

Immediately understand most people

Avoid making short-sighted momentarily expedient but

eventually destructive judgment calls (the sociopath's folly)

Get to be especially attuned to the environment, with an almost

precognitive-like awareness of what's coming next

Be sensitive to "future you" and avoid putting yourself in

situations that might be fun now but very harmful to you later

Being able to dial your empathy up means you can switch into highly
creative mode, clear through negotiation logjams to find mutually
beneficial solutions (rather than relying on the low empathy
individual's bull-your-way-to-success approach that leads to an
embittered other side and imploding relationships), and more
effectively model and predict how other people are likely to act,
even in situations in which you have zero real world experience.

Being able to dial your empathy down means you can switch into
bull-mode when empathetic negotiations aren't working or you're
dealing with an unempathetic person who won't work with you,
assertively chase down things you might otherwise be apprehensive
about chasing down, and set aside fear when you need to set it
aside.

This "empathy switching" is something almost no one does

naturally - but everyone can learn to do.

Cerebral Cruise Control

First, let's talk having empathy, for the readers who lack it.

I've frequently surrounded myself with low- or no-empathy friends. I

grew up as a very high empathy person, only to find myself crippled
by a social phobia that left me paralyzed by fear of even the
smallest consequences of any of my actions: what if someone didn't
like me; what if I hurt their feelings; what if I messed up. Eventually, I
came to view my high level of empathy as a major weakness, and
sought to control it, and to surround myself with people who were
the opposite of what I was.

I sought to emulate their positive traits - boldness, fearlessness,

shamelessness; this was very difficult for me at first, but to a certain
extent I learned to dial my empathy up and down as they could, and
eventually I could (usually) be every bit as bold, fearless, or
shameless as they could - sometimes much more so... though
nearly always 100% conscious of what I was doing, and suppressing
fear and shame, rather than not feeling it outright.
At the same time, I learned to value my own empathy, because even
as I learned the strong advantages of my sociopathic friends, I also
observed their weaknesses: chaotic relationships, self-destructive
patterns that prevented them from truly progressing, and a veneer
of charm, intellect, and improvement that was really very much
veneer: despite being some of the most vocal people you'd ever
meet about change and self-improvement, meet them years later
and you'll find that, while they may have been promoted in their
careers, otherwise they remain exactly the same, even while your
more "ordinary" friends have changed and evolved. Sociopathic
people tend to be frozen in time, stuck in a kind of permanent
unchanging state.

It's my opinion that this unchanging state, the lack of creativity,

chaotic relationships, and self-destructive patterns are all
symptoms of a single root cause: low empathy is really just the
brain placed on cruise control.

This is my personal theory. I haven't seen any research supporting

it. But in observing the difference between my own high- and low-
empathy states, and in observing the differences between people I
interact with who are high in empathy or low in empathy, I've noticed
a strikingly common trend: people high on empathy really THINK
about what you say, what they see on your face, what you're
feeling, what's going on in the environment, and what the
causes of everything are. They're turning over everything, and
processing hard. This is also why they're so suggestible: because
they're open to and considering everything, people on high empathy
are able to be guided and suggested.

Compare this to low empathy individuals and sociopaths: when

you're in this category, you're on FULL autopilot. You're not running
your brain at a million RPMs trying to crack that nut and really figure
stuff out and get inside people's heads and understand why what's
what and that's that. You're not trying to assemble pieces of
knowledge into artful, creative works, or to tie together a mental
model that forms a coherent picture out of all the little details
you've observed. You may be very intelligent; and you may be well-
read. But you don't analyze; you read, retain, and repeat. With
people, you charm and seduce - but you don't think. You don't feel
what they feel. It's like running an assembly line; each new person is
just another one plopped out on the conveyor belt and given the
same treatment as every one else.

The biggest question someone in a low empathy state might ask

himself is, "What should I do differently next time?" He won't ask
himself, "What was going through her head that made her react that
way?" or, "How would I feel if I were her and I talked to me that
way?"

That's what I think empathy really is: it's thinking hard about all the
new stimuli you have coming in right now, and viewing a situation
from multiple different angles different from and even totally alien to
your own.

Sociopaths take a mental shortcut and turn off most of that hard
thinking most of the time, allowing them to run consistent processes
for getting what they want and appearing charming and persuasive,
always seeming fresh because they are untaxed by the mentally
fatiguing work of having to carefully consider, weigh, analyze, and
decipher every new piece of information.

Conversely, empaths have this shortcut disabled, or haven't learned

to take it, and are unable to shut off their analysis mode, and so are
easily affected by anyone and everything that sees fit to put heavy
emotions and arguments on them, forcing them to spend mental
resources dealing with this new, weighty cognitive load.

It's all about turning your autopilot on or off.

How to Have Empathy

Earlier we touched on the importance of gaining more reference

points with all kinds of different people if you want to experience
higher degrees of empathy. Why's that?

Well, because it forces you to see other people who were previously
only one-dimensional stereotypes as fully fleshed out, real people.

Multiple studies (including this one from the Journal of Personality

and Social Psychology in 2009) have that found that people who
live abroad outside their home countries develop higher levels of
creativity:

“Despite abundant anecdotal evidence that creativity is

associated with living in foreign countries, there is currently little
empirical evidence for this relationship. Five studies employing a
multimethod approach systematically explored the link between
living abroad and creativity. Using both individual and dyadic
creativity tasks, Studies 1 and 2 provided initial demonstrations
that time spent living abroad (but not time spent traveling
abroad) showed a positive relationship with creativity. Study 3
demonstrated that priming foreign living experiences temporarily
enhanced creative tendencies for participants who had
previously lived abroad. In Study 4, the degree to which
individuals had adapted to different cultures while living abroad
mediated the link between foreign living experience and
creativity. Study 5 found that priming the experience of adapting
to a foreign culture temporarily enhanced creativity for
participants who had previously lived abroad. The relationship
 between living abroad and creativity was consistent across a
number of creativity measures (including those measuring
insight, association, and generation), as well as with masters of
business administration and undergraduate samples, both in the
United States and Europe, demonstrating the robustness of this
phenomenon.”

... and, as we know, creativity and empathy are closely linked.

The reach out programs mentioned in that RSA video are another
link in the chain for empathy-building: a Palestinian mother may
despise Israelis because she lost a child to an Israeli bombing, while
an Israeli father may loathe Palestinians because he lost a child to a
Palestinian rocket attack. But put the two together and let them talk,
and they will quickly discover their enemies are not quite the
monsters they made them out to be beforehand. And it's the same
for understanding both those weaker than you, and those more
powerful, too.

But what about base-level empathy in the first place? What if

you're the type who'd meet a mother crying about losing her
child, and just not be affected? Maybe even be a little bored?

I'm not going to vilify you here. The people who will are,
paradoxically, not being all that empathetic toward you; they don't
understand how you can not feel empathy.

I do.

It again ties back to whether you are doing the mental heavy lifting
of forcing yourself into the other person's shoes emotionally or not.
You see, empathetic people like to consider themselves selfless, but
the reason they cry when they see another in pain is not because
they are truly selfless individuals; rather, it is because when you are
in an empathetic state of mind, you imagine that other person's
pain as your own, and imagine that you are them, or that their
pain has happened to you.

If that sounds a little crazy ("Why would I want to do that?"), I

understand. It's a social bonding mechanism that humans use to
communicate their closeness to and support of others.

The real advantage of empathy isn't just "making other people feel
like you care", though; I've spent enough time around low empathy
individuals to know that isn't a major concern ("The LAST thing I
want is some needy clingy person hanging around trying to suck
emotional support out of me!" - either that, or they're more
interested in the appearance of care than actually caring outright).

Rather, the advantage is those advantages we listed above:

awareness, better long-term decision making, and genuine,
substantial self-improvement (not just the "Oh yeah, I'm totally
improvement-oriented!" line you feed people because it makes
them think more highly of you).

And the only way to develop those benefits? Yup - you've got to
train yourself to switch empathy on in a big way.

Not just some of the time, if you're usually low or no empathy.

You've got to have your brain switched into that taxing,
focused, analytical mode all the time. That means constantly
asking yourself:

Why is it this way? If something is a way, there must be a

reason for it.

What other ways could it be? What are possible alternatives?

How does this interact with the other things I know and
believe?

What is this person feeling right now? What emotions are she
experiencing?

What do those emotions feel like if I experience them myself?

Why does this person act the way he or she does? What's the
root cause?

Is this person trusting of me? What would I feel like if I was her
and I violated that trust?

Is this person paranoid? What would I feel like if I was as

paranoid as him, and what would I be afraid that I am going to
do?

The more you expose yourself to various new people and new
situations and the more you keep your analysis hat on FULL BLAST,
the more you will cultivate the ability to thoughtfully and
empathetically think about the world around you in a way that
modulates your self-destructive and stuck-in-place tendencies, and
accents the superficial charm you've gotten so good at developing
with real substance that others value and that makes your life
increasingly better at a far faster rate than promotions in a work
environment can net you.

Tamping Down Runaway Empathy

If you're on the other side of the spectrum, and you're crippled by

excessive empathy, you need to do as I did and learn to dial it down
a notch.

Again, experience wins the day here; if your natural default is

"high empathy", this is what you'll switch into in unfamiliar high
stress situations. So, you need to get yourself as much experience
in as many different kinds of situations that you are familiar with
whatever life throws at you, and can respond in a way that's more
automated and less "brain going crazy with constant heavy analysis
and emotion."

The object here is not to become constantly automated and

unempathetic; rather, the objective is to learn to switch into low
empathy in situations that benefit from low empathy.

For example, when you are pulling women home, you do a lot
better in somewhat low empathy mode. If you go too low empathy,
you won't be able to recognize and respond to legitimate objections
with anything other than the "plow your way to success!" approach,
which sometimes works, and sometimes blows up in your face.
Conversely, if you're at average or higher empathy, when she starts
raising objections, you're going to give them too much thought:
"What if she's serious? What if she really is tired, and I'm making her
even more tired by keeping her out right now?" And then you send
her home, and she goes into auto-rejection because she expected
you to overcome her objections and give her great sex, and instead
you took her words at face value.

The secret here is process. When you can build an automated

process that you follow for something, you're able to dial down
empathy and just run the process. Then, instead of having to think
your way through something, you can switch on your magnetic
charm... and behave much like the sociopath does in social
situations.

And there's no question that the men women find the most
sexually enticing - charming, charismatic, risk-taking men who
are unafraid of defying social convention and are bursting with
sex and sensuality - are dead ringers characteristics-wise for
just about every sociopath who's ever lived.

Seduction works best when you emulate low empathy individuals -

these simply are the types of men that women are drawn to
(perhaps due to the fact that individuals who are low in empathy
tend to be more successful on average - they attain a much greater
proportion of leadership roles than their share of society at large
would imply they should get - or perhaps because being low in
empathy allows one to more quickly and efficiently build a persona
that generates optimal results with the opposite sex without being
stifled by fears of rejection and the like).

And you may have to operate in low empathy during relationship

fights, especially if a girlfriend is pushing very hard and your natural
inclination on being pushed is to yield.

But there are other times when you will want your empathy close to
full blast - e.g., when you are learning something new, or trying
something out that you haven't tried with women before. Here, you
want to be fully immersed in the reactions and results you're
getting, so you can adjust on the fly - and also figure out if this is
something you want to keep doing or not.

I'd recommend that once you learn to control it, you usually keep
your empathy dialed up, but get good at dialing it down whenever
you need to either do something that makes you uncomfortable (like
challenging someone you don't want to challenge, or approaching
a girl you're nervous to approach) or is otherwise hard to do (you've
got to go talk your way into an exclusive members area, with nothing
but your charm and your wits - not the time to be empathetic
touchy-feely - rather, it's just time to go).

Dialing Up and Dialing Down

You will find that people who are low in empathy tend to consider
those high in empathy to be "weak"; meanwhile, those high in
empathy tend to consider those low in empathy to be "cold" or
"evil." Yet, both high and low empathy have strong advantages;
and both sides of the spectrum nicely complement one another's
deficits.

In fact, the strongest, and warmest, individual is the one who's able
to span both sides, and everything in between. The man who can be
high in empathy when learning and understanding and
communicating, and low in empathy when acting and doing and
persevering, is an immensely powerful man.

This man is a man who understands others fully and intuitively, and
nurtures his relationships with them; who keeps energy-draining
individuals away from himself, and only individuals who are his
equals or better, and who are worth his time and attention; he does
things that build up his future, rather than sabotage it, and yet he
does so with might and resolve and without an oversupply of fear
and self-doubt. He's a cautious man, but not so cautious that he
misses out on good times and great experiences; and because he is
always aware, he is highly creative and able to summon a solution
for nearly any problem, and is then able to knuckle down and
execute on said solutions until they are done.

Being able to dial your empathy up and down, like a dimmer, is

power of a man who has truly mastered himself. Because
empathy, what for all its cultural baggage and moralizing, is at the
core of things a tool: one that can paralyze you or destroy you, if
you have too much of it or too little, or one that can help you make
real your wildest fantasies, if you learn to wield it properly and at the
right times.

However, it does take some training; and you will have to force
yourself to think and feel a LOT harder (if you're normally switched
off) and build up your tolerance for mentally taxing activities, or to
override a number of emotions (if you're normally switched into
overdrive) and build up your tolerance for emotionally scary things.

Either way, if you really want to realize the full potential of what
you've got in your skull and what you can achieve in this short time
you've got alive, then get your empathy handled - learn to feel it
powerfully and more if you don't, and learn to tamp it down and
direct it and steer it if you can't. The world is yours if you do.

Ciao,
Chase
 About the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of

being alone. So, he set to work and read
every book he could find, studied every
teacher he could meet, and talked to
every girl he could talk to to figure out
dating. After four years, scads of lays, and
many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he
launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about
girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.

GET CHASEʼS MASTERY PACKAGE

FREE 7-DAY COURSE ON THE SCIENCE OF ATTRACTION

Get her onto dates and into bed with the same tips scientists use to
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Girls Falling All Over You
Over the next 7 days, I give you a CRASH COURSE in the science of
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Responding to Interruptions