i kept running to you
until my lungs turned black
eased to let another particle of air in,
et alone another atom of love,
i let you bleed on me,
ough the cuts other people made,
ou rip my heart into a million pieces,
eal every little scar i came across,
forgive me if i fail to understand
n you pick up your healed wounds,
and walk away from home
healing someone else
with my medicine.
i write about you a lot,
it's all i ever do,
and i don't even know you
i wonder if you'd love me too
nder how many lives i gotta die to
get to the one where i live
with you waking up next to me
onder if you're also looking at me
like i'm looking at you.
ays knew you weren't mine to keep
y i kissed you an extra thousand times
d told you it was just an old habit
always gazed an extra few seconds before
y and that's why i stayed up all those nights
u sleep instead of getting any rest myself
morize every curve and mark on your body
that when i left i would not forget
a carefully when you spoke because i knew
to replay your voice when i was alone
y i told you i loved you as much as i did
i always held you as close as i did
sed your body against mine and i knew
your scent would linger on my sheets but
d not be there to hold me close anymore
ew one day i would wake up alone
in your warmth and cried in your arms
you never knew what it was about
ers though your hair and moved my hands
ur body to cherish every inch of your skin
you dream and knew i would never get
ou change and grow because sometimes
life things are only built to break
erished you all i could but i still left
da starting to wish i never memorized you.
come closer to me,
ouch you like the chords of guitar,
i'll hold your wrist,
ead your fingers towards my scars,
me whisper my words in your ears,
ur fingers are slipping on the strings,
nging chords and strumming guitar,
mposing new melodies of amore,
let my words stroke you first,
ger in places my fingers can't touch,
t's sing our favourite song together now,
ong that sealed our first destruction.
i stay up all night,
ause that is when i meet the moon,
how i drown in the sparkle of your eyes,
r how your presence puts me at ease,
how you being there made me happier,
your skin smelled like light,
our presence felt like the night,
baby you're the dark,
t you're my only source of peace.
g with you meant i drown in the night,
i'd do that just for you,
i told all these to the moon,
hile it told me stories of the stars
falling in love, one by one,
fading to death, one by one.
i have loved this rose,
watched her slowly bloom,
her petals would unfold,
i grew drunk on her perfume.
i have seen her dance,
her leaves wet with morning dew,
quivered with a new romance,
the wind loved her too.
i have longed for her,
on nights that seem like forever,
for now, her face is all blurred,
like a memory kept too long.
i think i have loved a rose,
i bled against her thorns,
i swear each night to let her go,
then love her more by dawn.
i think i am breaking this love,
for i'm bleeding too much,
the vision fades into the sand,
her blue tint leaving my soul,
i just realized,
this love was just in my head.
i'm gasping through water,
that's supposedly no longer there,
no raft to save me,
only lungs to hold air.
i'm breathing through this,
that's maybe alright,
there's no way to live here,
just a life i'll take of mine.
i'm bleeding through scars,
that's supposedly unrevealed,
no band-aids on me,
it's probably love concealed.
is it because i'm gone unnoticed?
or the scars on me,
still subconsciously bleed,
over a past of mine,
that has already healed?
why is it that your eyes often met mine?
hy is it that your lips curled up, with me?
why did you feel warm in my embrace?
did you follow me when you were with her?
any questions, but they'll all be answered with one.
hy did you choose her if you wanted me?
she walks alone,
her coat drags on,
behind her laid,
a past unknown.
somedays i feel,
she holds me by the throat,
choking me to life.
her red eyes digging daggers into mine,
his touch comes back.
i still feel his hands on me.
i feel his touch killing me,
i feel him, enjoying.
her smile kept growing wider,
like it was ripping her face apart.
as shaking, and she just kept choking me.
close my eyes and let myself surrender.
he stops choking me and turns around.
i'm this woman,
she can be dark,
and so can i.
but who is she?
a creation i imagine?
i looked at her, and i was terrified.
she was me, my dark thoughts,
my biggest nightmare.
"you'll never change." she told me.
no matter what,
enjoying killing me.
she walks alone,
her coat drags on,
behind her laid,
a past unknown.
come closer to me,
i'll touch you like the chords of guitar,
i'll hold your wrist,
and lead your fingers towards my scars,
let me whisper my words in your ears,
as your fingers are slipping on the strings,
changing chords and strumming guitar,
composing new melodies of amore,
let my words stroke you first,
and linger in places my fingers can't touch,
darling, let's sing our favourite song together now,
the song that sealed our first destruction.
you must remember it too
how the rest of the city slept
while we sat awakened for the first time
we hadn't touched yet
but we managed to travel in and out
of each other with our silence
we drank nothing that night
but i was intoxicated
"atleast you're free"
i wish i could silence this sentence
you don't know how constricted i feel
as if i'm in a small room with limited air
you don't know i have
arms wrapped around me, too
extending it's claws,
keeping me in custody
and i could only escape
if someone would take over
you don't know being committed to love
is a feeling much more free
than loneliness being committed to me
if only you knew
the times i cried in my room
thinking of how we could turn out to be
would you ever come back for me?
did you feel the same pain i did
if we were made of the same soul?
i can't escape
these feelings i have for you
if i was drowning,
would you swim to me?
would you save me?
do you still wonder if we could fix it?
do you still think of us?
am i still, alive in your thoughts?
the beauty of me lies,
amongst the words i left unsaid,
it's when your heart understands,
this silence like it wants to.
my soul cries the most tears,
on that night before dawn,
knowing that we replaced these emotions,
with emptiness and space,
keeping my heart in a box
where it couldn't breathe,
bleeding out sins,
hanging somewhere between life and death.
these cold nights where
our hearts meet midway
somewhere where dawn meets dusk
we are two worlds apart
but i will meet you midway
like the sun meets the moon,
pretending we're the kind of lovers
that every dead poet yeared for in their grave.
when i first met you,
i felt like i had known you forever,
telling you my secrets
and what i didn't want ever.
you listened to me.
i bet you thought i'd never end.
who would have thought
we would become more than just friends?
over a period of time
i got to know the real you.
a boy, with a heart so true.
you've survived your life
with betrayal and hurt by your side.
i told you i'd never leave
because of the feelings i have inside.
i know you
like no one i have ever known,
and sometimes i wonder
what i'd do if you were gone?
but i think,
time answers all.
if it is meant to be,
time will remove this wall.
i love the way we are together.
you can always make me smile.
will it ever really be forever?
i guess i will have to wait a while.
time will reveal what lies ahead,
but always remember
what i have said.
meeting you has changed my life,
and i really love you so.
the feelings i feel for you,
i am never letting go.
remember me always
and i will, too.
look for me in the stardust,
think of me when you're alone,
and if we were ever strong enough,
i promise you i'll never leave you alone.
i always think of me and you,
when i ink these pages,
along the unsure future.
Rewrite the Stars
what if we rewrite the stars
what if change our fates
will we still be as excited as we were
or will the destiny play the game
what if i and you were just lessons
for each other
and not soulmates for life
will you handle the pain?
or do you need me to kneel kneel to god, ask
for a better life
or should i just leave and
let him decide
what if we meet again
what if its already written in our
fates? what if this is just a break for us to
revive
what if rewriting the stars will just
be a bad decision
maybe god has an amazing plan for us
ahead
what if he's working on our dreams
and we could be together again
but can you bare seeing all my scars & dare
enough to show them the world with me
can we be each other's moons as we
wished?
or has he alot better plans for us
let's make a another wish together
last but never the least before we go our
ways
let's together light up the dark nights
not only ours but "all of us' and become the
stars which we wished
to rewrite. - 08 may 2022
i wonder if it's what's in you,
that paints my world blue
like the never ending sky,
like the furious waves,
but whenever i try
to reach a flower by,
all i see is you,
the rose of colour blue.
the sky may have infinite stars
and the ocean may have never-ending waves
but there's no-one like you,
the rose of colour blue.
oh rose of colour blue,
how can i have a part of you?
how can you grow in my heart?
prick me with your thorny love,
the trees stood beside him in utter silence, the sound of the leaves died with the waves of water. his feet swung on the surface of
water while he stared at the fishes surrounding his legs. her name is the only thing he remembers, repeating in his head, his body
marked by her words, until his memories started hitting him.
----
i held her wrist and pulled her back as her body hit my chest. i wonder if she heard my heart pacing faster. i turned her around, and it
was as if she's lost everything, her eyes looked empty, empty vessels. i wonder if she knew, she filled my empty vessels. i stared at
her and she did the same, it was as if we were communicating without words. i held her back until she calmed down. she walked to
the other edge and sat down, swinging her feet in the water as i did the same. "you can't save me when you are here for the same
reason i am." she said, almost in a whisper, like it was just destined for me to hear it. it was true. how did i want her to live a life
ahead, when i'm here to end my own? how did she read through me? her eyes were fixed on the rippes of water around her feet. her
voice is just a whisper, a tiny whisper enough for my ears. the sky was dark, the moon didn't shine today. the stars hid behind the red
clouds. the only source of light was fireflies. we danced all night, with only fireflies witnessing this love. what kind of love? i asked
myself. i never got an answer in return. love seemed beautiful. "forget our pasts." i whispered on her lips, while she exhaled a sharp
breath, letting some pain out of her. she shook her head, like she can't forget something, or someone. after that seemed very fast. i
don't remember the emotions i felt. she pushed me away, and went back to the same position i saved her from, but this time, walking
into the water, drowning herself. i ran behind her, searching frantically, like every drop of water witnessed what just happened. "why
did you have to end it before it started?" i whispered.
i will find you, even if death comes along.
----
he didn't feel pain, he didn't feel anything. he saw her silhouette, white as ice, making her way to him, sitting in the same position,
swinging her feet, staring at the ripples of water around her feet. there wasn't a word, there was no voice. he looked at her and she
looked back at him. he couldn't feel an emotion, he wanted to love her all over again, but the moment he saw her, all he felt was
pain; for death is never sweet. loving something that death could touch, was painful yet again.
"i will find love in this pain, and swim my way back to you. i need your love, not answers."
- found carved on a tree, 200 years after the two unknown bodies were found under water.
does it all still make sense? did he carve it before he ran into the water? did he know, that death is their only forever? did he still risk
it all?
or was this carved by death itself?
[ glitche$ ]
[ faint whispers, oddly familiar voice ]
[ monsters, they're all monsters, i hear their voices, their breaths. i can't love you, time never let me breathe. now that we died, let's
find the love we yearned for, with death watching over us ]
i used to like how the sun wakes me up. i do not remember much things, i do not remember my father left me in high school, i do not
remember the words i said yesterday and i will not remember these tomorrow. these particular pieces of memory is what i live, and
what i become. i remember how the sun wakes me up, i remember how my mom cooks me chocolate pie on sundays, i remember
how i used to walk around in flower fields every weekend. these, seemed enough for me. these memories are some things, that kept
me from extinguishing. they're my fuel, these little things i used to adore. everyday i wake up and i was happy, life seemed peaceful.
but this fuel did extinguish one day. the little things i used to enjoy are now just buried in my memories. i'm not as excited as i used to
be, when i wake up to the sun. my mom doesn't cook me chocolate pies anymore, and the flower gardens which were once colourful
is now just a barren land. i stand in the same room, looking out of the same window. then why does this view look dead in my eyes? i
don't know why i remember these little memories when my life was a war, everything was falling apart, but these little things are all i
remember. i forgot what i wanted to write, but i'm still a writer. i forget how i bled, but i'm still a warrior. the taste of blood on my lips
was forgotten, but the scar stayed. i don't remember the details of the war, but i remember this delicate memory, memories of my
moments of happiness, that are perhaps the only ones left in me. it's still empty, there's no pain, there's nothing left for destruction. i
lived in the light, i felt happy in this light. but this light grew larger, it turned too bright, which i thought was bringing more happiness to
me. well, it was that bright light that ended everything, ended the flower gardens, ended my own light, because what came after was
this never ending black hole. perhaps it was meant to be this way. now i live this black hole, it's what consumes me. i turn back into
this same old nostalgic room, with the only source of light being the moon. the room lit up, setting the night on fire, i thought this fire
would be my friend, but death came along.
- the last page of diary of a young girl who committed suicide.
winter came again and so did he. he searched frantically for her through the blinding air and his quivering body was cold. the
screeching winds were dreadful, the empty skies were silent. daylight shrinks and the monster of doubt grows. the coldness seeped
into his heart. for a moment, he forgot, he was the coldness himself. this warmth she gave evoked this feeling of home within him. he
wondered why he didn't feel this cold in last winters. he stood there with frozen ground beneath him. his heart felt empty, because all
that ever filled him was now under six inches of ground, a soulless body. everything came back to him. the way he held her through
the winters, the way her soul gave him warmth. there still wasn't a word between them, but oh how they were in love already. he
regretted going back to the summer, when the winter was all he needed. the summer melted him away, like the evil washed away the
good sins. she was a curse, a curse that was perfectly carved just for him to feel like home. he regretted it. he wanted to open his
eyes and look into hers once, maybe he would've felt her all over again. he swore never to go back to the summer, but this winter
ended again. he might've never realized. that one winter was a phase of his life, but his every other winter was affected by that. the
fog kept covering the views, the cold kept seeping into him, even though he was the coldness himself, because, somewhere, deep
inside him, her warmth still lived, she still lived.
"people die when they love too much. but why do people die, if they're loved too much?" - Yu.
i met you on this one winter night, as a stranger. i didn't ask you a single question, there was fog covering us. you loved the smell of
books and you bled on paper more than i did. you held me in your arms and we didn't utter a single word, we just held each other,
because without a single word, i knew how you felt, and so did you. our pasts were different and so are we, but we have this thing in
common that connects us, and that's maybe the way we cope up with things. your eyes were closed and i looked at them when the
fog was thin for a moment. i wondered who you were. this stranger who felt things deeper than me. what happened to you? i never
got an answer. your eyes refused to answer me. i felt safe in his arms, it felt like i knew everything about him, without knowing
anything about him. i felt his heartbeat against mine as he pulled me closer. i felt like a canvas, an empty canvas, ready to be
painted by him. maybe it was love. love at our first heartbeat. you held me long enough for me to heal. i closed my eyes and let my
gaurd down around you. i was sure we'd last forever. but this forever ended when the winter did. the summer came and he melted
away from my arms, i held the water, knowing it'd flow out of my arms and my heart anyway. i feared i'd be empty again. i ran in the
endless fog that covered the grey roads, but all i found was the water. suddenly, i was drowning. water became everything around
me, it was everything that consumed me. i didn't fight to live, because he was the water. he's still holding me in his waves, he's
entering my whole body and not just my heart. i was happy he was finally with me again, but this time, my soul watched him take my
body.
and tear me apart?
oh how i wish to feel the sweetness of your thorns,
if i realised you were just a dream,
i would hold on a little longer,
the blue rose of my dreams
oh how i wish i could meet you one last time,
and bid you my last goodbye,
but you left me alone,
with roses of blue on your gown,
i wrote you my letters,
in hope you'll see them someday
oh my princess of seoul,
you will forever be my queen,
my blue rose, my beautiful nightmare.
[Intro: V & Jungkook]
Where is my angel?
Haruye kkeucheul deuriun
Someone come and save me, please
Jichin haruye hansumppun
Saramdeureun da haengbokhanga bwa
Can you look at me? 'Cause I am blue and grey
Geoure bichin nunmure uimineun
Useume gamchweojin naye saekkkal blue and grey
[Verse 1: SUGA]
Eodiseobuteo jalmottwaetneunji jal moreugesseo
Na eoryeoseobuteo meorissogen paransaek mureumpyo
Eojjeom geuraeseo chiyeolhage saranneunji moreuji
But dwireul doraboni yeogi udugeoni seoni
Nareul jipeosamkyeobeorineun jeo seoseul peoreon geurimja
Yeojeonhido paransaek mureumpyoneun
Gwayeon buraninji uurinji
Eojjeom jeongmal huhweye dongmurinji
Animyeoneun weroumi naeun nailji
Yeojeonhi moreugesseo seoseul peoreon beullu
Jamshikdweji ankil barae chajeul geoya chulgu
[Chorus: Jin, Jungkook, Jimin & V]
I just wanna be happier
Chagaun nal nogyeojweo
Sueopshi naemin naye son
Saekkkal eomneun meari
Oh, this ground feels so heavier
I am singing by myself
I just wanna be happier
Igeotto keun yokshimilkka
[Post-Chorus: Jungkook + Jin & Jimin + V]
Chuun gyeoul georireul georeul ttae neukkin
Ppallajin shimjange hoheub soril
Jigeumdo neukkigon hae
Gwaenchantago haji ma
Gwaenchanchi aneunikka
Jebal honja duji mara jweo neomu apa
[Verse 2: j-hope & RM]
Neul geonneun gilgwa neul banneun bit
But oneureun waenji nasseon scene
Mudyeojin geolkka muneojin geolkka
Geunde mugeobgin hada i swetteongin
Dagaoneun hwesaek koppulso
Chojeom eopshi nan deonggeureoni seoisseo
Nadabji ana i sungan
Geunyang museobjiga ana
Nan hwakshiniran shin ttawi an mideo
Saekchae gateun mareun ganjireoweo
Neolbeun hwesaekjidaega pyeonhae
Yeogi sueok gaji pyojeonge grey
Biga omyeon nae sesang
I doshi wiro chumchunda
Malgeun naren angaereul
Jeojeun naren hamkke neul
Yeogi modeun meonjideul
Wihae chukbaereul
[Chorus: Jungkook, Jimin, V & Jin]
I just wanna be happier
Nae sone ongil neukkyeojweo
Ttatteuthajiga anaseo nega deouk piryohae
Oh, this ground feels so heavier
I am singing by myself
Meon hutnal naega utge dwemyeon
Malhalge geuraesseottago
[Outro: V]
Heogonge tteodoneun mareul mollae juweo damgo nani
Ije saebyeokjami deune, goodnight
[Intro: V, Jung Kook]
Where is my angel?
The end of a tiring day
Someone come and save me, please
Is overshadowed by a sigh
I guess everyone's happy
Can you look at me? 'Cause I am blue and grey
The tears reflected in the mirror mean
My colors hid in the smile, blue and grey
[Verse 1: SUGA]
I really don’t know what went wrong
I grew up with a blue question mark in my mind
Maybe that’s why I’ve been fighting for my life
But looking behind, I’m standing hеre dazed
The powеrful shadow swallows me
The question mark is still blue
Is it anxiety or depression?
Am I just an animal that regrets
Or is it me born out of loneliness?
I still don't know, the ferocious blue
I hope I don't get eaten away, I'll find the exit
[Chorus: Jin, Jung Kook, Jimin, V]
I just wanna be happier
Melt me, I'm cold
I've reached out my hand countless times
The echo is colorless
Oh, this ground feels so heavier
I am singing by myself
I just wanna be happier
Am I being too greedy?
[Post-Chorus: Jungkook & Jin, Jimin & V]
I still feel my heart
Breathe faster like when
I walked on the cold winter streets
Don't say you're fine
'Cause you're not
Please don't leave me alone, it hurts too much
[Verse 2: j-hope, RM]
The road I always walk and the light I always receive
But today seems like an unfamiliar scene
Have I become used to it or have I collapsed?
This piece of metal does feel heavy
A grey rhino approaches
I just stand there without focus
I don't feel like myself at this moment
I'm just not scared
I don't believe in a God called conviction
Words like 'color' embarrass me
The wide grey zone is comfortable
With hundreds of millions of grey faces
When it rains, I dance
Over this city, my world
Raise a toast to
The fog on clear days
And all the dust always
Here with me on rainy days
[Chorus: Jung Kook, Jimin, V, Jin]
I just wanna be happier
Please feel the warmth in my hands
They're cold, that's why I need more of you
Oh, this ground feels so heavier
I am singing by myself
If I laugh in the future far away
I'll tell you that I did
[Outro: V]
After secretly taking back words floating in the air
I now fall asleep at dawn, good night