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Final Ouahibaaem Jjobituary 1
Final Ouahibaaem Jjobituary 1
John J. Johnson died this past Monday at 74, after a fatal heart attack that he suffered during
the first quarter of Riverdale High School basketball game against Geneva, which he was attending
that night.
Mr. Johnson resided at 1111 Main St. in Riverdale and worked as the President of the
Farmer's Bank. He was born and raised in the town and earned an MBA from Riverdale University
in 1950, where he was also an all-conference basketball player, a passion that he cherished until
leadership roles in the community, demonstrating his dedication to serving and making Riverdale
a better place. Among his accomplishments, he dedicated a decade of his life to being a member
of the Riverdale School Board. In 1977, he served as the esteemed President of the State’s Bankers
Association and held a membership in Riverdale City Council for eight years.
Mr. Johnson was convicted of draft evasion in 1944, during World War II, and served six
months in prison. His unwavering belief and authenticity are deeply ingrained in the family
heritage, as his father was a longtime minister of the First Presbyterian Church of Riverdale.
Mr. Johnson is survived by his wife, Helen. Funeral services will be held for him on
Thursday at 11 a.m. at the McGrew-Johnes Funeral Home at 2121 Central Ave. in Riverdale, and
he will eventually be laid to rest in Evergreen Cemetery. Mr. Johnson’s dedication continues even
after his passing due to a heart attack. In his memory, the family suggests flowers and contributions
● The obituary’s format is well written with an appropriate flow of ideas that covers everything
● The headline is short and direct. Also, it doesn’t include every tiny detail so that it could grab the
attention of the reader to have the urge to read more about what happened.
● There isn’t any makeup material added to the story, which makes it more credible.
● The story’s lead is strong and to the point. It contains some brief, essential information that’s strong
● Each important aspect is covered clearly and completely which covers the whole thing leading to
● A very minor issue would be in the lead by stating “left us” I feel that it would be better if you
speak more generally without positioning yourself in the middle of the story to get away any
● Another comment I have, I am not sure if it’s an issue or not, honestly, but I feel that some of the
paragraphs are a bit long, so I guess it would be better if you keep them a bit shorter, also capitalize
The lead was strong; however, I would remove “he left us” to remove myself emotionally. I felt the writing
was very smooth and told a story with a lovely flow. Her word count was also within the limit. Overall, I
As for her spelling, grammar, and punctuation, I would also give her the full mark as I did not spot any
points.
20/20
Self Assessment:
I tried my best to follow the continuous feedback on this one. I applied all the comments from the previous
class on my second draft and got rid of any loaded adjectives, made connections between the reason for
death and request for contributions, and connected playing basketball with the deceased’s last moments
I avoided grammar and spelling mistakes and tried to tell the story of the deceased and how his
accomplishments say something about his commitment, and I tried to keep a flow instead of just stating
information. Finally, I applied the final edits my peers suggested and found them very on point.