INTERPERSONAL

COMMUNICATION
Chapter 8
Conversational Messages

Prepared by:
Miss Nurul Sabrina Masri
 LEARNING OBJECTIVES
01 Describe the major principles in conversation;

Define self-disclosure, its potential rewards and

02 dangers and the guidelines for disclosing, responding to
disclosures and resisting the pressure to disclose.

03 Identify the guidelines for small talk; making

introductions, excuses, and apologies; asking for favour
and giving and receiving compliments and advice.

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8.1 PRINCIPLE OF CONVERSATION

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 Principle of Conversation
• Conversation is an essential part of interpersonal
communication
• Relatively informal social interaction
• Roles of speaker and hearer are exchanged in a
nonautomatic fashion
• All parties collaborate and manage conversation

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 Principle of Conversation

02
01
01 Follow a
process. 04 Use dialogue
rather than
monologue.

04
03
02 Cooperate.
05 Exchange
speaking /
listening
05
03 Act turns.
Politely.

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 Principle of Conversation
• Conversation is an essential part of interpersonal
communication
• Relatively informal social interaction
• Roles of speaker and hearer are exchanged in a
nonautomatic fashion
• All parties collaborate and manage conversation

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 1. Principle of Process
Feedforward Feedback

02 04
01 03 05
Opening Business Closing

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 1. Principle of Process cont..
Stage One: Opening
• Greeting
• Phatic communication – small talk, establishes a
connection, opens channel for further talk
• Sets tone of conversation
• Opening references
• Opening lines

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 1. Principle of process cont..
Stage Two: Feedforward
• Signals the nature of the conversation
• Opens the channels of communication
• Previews the message
• Disclaims

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 1. Principle of process cont..
Stage Three: Business
• Substance or focus
• Most conversations are goal directed
• Taboo topics should be avoided by outsiders

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 1. Principle of process cont..
Stage Four: Feedback
• Reflect back on conversation
• Signal that business is completed
– Positive – negative
– Person focused – message focused
– Immediate – delayed
– Low monitoring – high monitoring
– Supportive – critical

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 1. Principle of process cont..
Stage Five: Closing
• The goodbye
• Reveals how satisfied you are with conversation
• Can be difficult and awkward

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2. Principle of Cooperation
Quantity

Manner Cooperation Quality

Relation
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 2. Principle of Cooperation
• Cooperation – you implicitly agree to try to understand each
other
• Conversational maxims – general rules to follow
– Quantity
– Quality
– Relation
– Manner
• Maxims vary culturally

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 2. Principle of Cooperation
Conversational maxims—principles people follow in conversation
a. Quantity maxim—include information that makes the meaning
clear but omit what does not
b. Quality maxim—say only what you know or assume to be true;
don’t lie, exaggerate, or minimize major problems
c. Relation maxim—talk about what is relevant to the conversation
d. Manner maxim—be clear, avoid ambiguities, be relatively brief,
and organize your thoughts into a meaningful sequence

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 3. Principle of Politeness

01 Tact.
01 02 04 Modesty

02 Generosity. 06 03 05 Agreement.

03 Approbation 05 04
06 Sympathy.

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 2. Principle of Politeness cont..
• Tact - Do not impose on others or challenge their right to do as they
wish
• Generosity – help to confirm other person’s importance such
important of times, insight or talent.
• Approbation – praising someone or complementing the person in
same way.
• Modesty - minimize any praise or complements received.
• Agreement – seeking out the areas of agreement and expressing
them
• Sympathy - the expression of understanding, sympathy, empathy,
supportiveness and the like of other person.
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 4. Principle of Dialogue
• Monologue – one person speaks and the other listens; no real
interaction
• Demonstrate respect for the others
• Avoid negative criticism
• Keep the channels of communication open
• Acknowledge the presence and importance of the other person
• Avoid manipulating the conversation

• Dialogue – two way interaction where both participants are

speaker and listener
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 5. Principle of Turn taking
• Verbal and nonverbal cues signal conversational turns

• Speaker cues
• Turn-maintaining – design to help maintaining the speaker’s role.
• Turn-yielding – telling the listeners that the speaker have finished
and wish to exchange the role of speaker to a listener.
• Listener cues
• Turn-requesting – let the speaker know that the audience / listener
would like to take turn as speaker.
• Turn-denying - reluctant to assume the role of speaker.

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Turn taking and conversational wants

To speak To Listen

1. 2.
Speaker
Turn - maintaining cues Turn – yielding cues

3. 4.
Listener
Turn – requesting cues Turn- denying cues

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 5. Principle of Turn taking cont..
• Backchanneling – communicate back to speaker without taking
over role of speaker
– Functions of Backchannel
• To indicate agreement and disagreement
• To indicate degree of involvement
• To pace the speaker
• To ask for clarification
• Interruptions – an attempt to change the topic to a subject that
the interrupter know more about or to emphasize the person’s
authority.
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8.2 CONVERSATIONAL DISCLOSURE

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 Conversational Disclosure
A. Revealing Yourself
– Self-disclosure—communicating information about yourself to
another person
– Self-disclosure involves information about your values, beliefs,
desires, behaviours, or self-qualities, and it occurs in all forms of
communication.
– There is a disinhibition effect that occurs in online
communication.
– Self-disclosure changes as a relationship progresses and
changes.

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1. Influence of Self - Disclosure

1
Who you are
2
Your culture
3
Your Gender

4 Your
5
Your topic
6
Your media
listeners

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2. Reward and Danger of Self - Disclosure
• Rewards
– Self-knowledge
– Communication and relationship effectiveness
– Physiological well-being
• Dangers
– Personal risks
– Relational risks
– Professional risks
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 3. Guidelines for Self - Disclosure
Making self-disclosures

Appropriate Appropriate
Motivation Context

Disclose Without imposing

Gradually burden on
yourself or others

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3. Guidelines for Self – Disclosure cont..
Facilitating and responding to disclosure

01 Effective
listening
and active

02 Support and reinforce

the discloser

03 Be willing
reciprocate
to

04 Confidentiality
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3. Guidelines for Self – Disclosure cont..
Resisting pressure to disclose

01 Don’t be pushed

02 Be assertive

03 Delay a decision

04 Be indirect and change topics

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8.3 EVERYDAY CONVERSATIONAL

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 Everyday Conversation
1. Small talk

Topic & Noncontroversial Brief In – flight

Context & innocuous Intimacy

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 Everyday Conversation
Guidelines for Small talk
– Be positive
– Watch for leave-taking cues
– Stress similarities
– Be brief but elaborate

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 Everyday Conversation
2. Excuses and apologies
• Excuse – explanation designed to reduce negative
impact and maintain image
• Types of excuses
– I didn’t do it—deny what you’re accused of
– It wasn’t so bad—admit doing it but claim the offense was not
really so bad or perhaps there was justification
– Yes, but—claim extenuating circumstances accounted for the
behaviour.

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 Everyday Conversation
Guidelines for Good and bad excuses
– Demonstrate that you understand the problem and that
your partner’s feelings are legitimate.
– Acknowledge your responsibility.
– Acknowledge your own displeasure at what you did.
– Make it clear that your misdeed will never happen again.
– Express your sorrow or regret.

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 Everyday Conversation
2. Excuses and apologies
• Apology – expression of regret or sorrow for having said or
done something that you shouldn’t have.
– Reasons for an apology
• To repair relationship
• To repair reputation of the wrongdoer.

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 Everyday Conversation
Guidelines for Apologizing
– Admit wrongdoing
– Be apologetic
– Be specific
– Express understanding
– Assure it won’t happen again
– Omit excuses
– Don’t take the easy way out

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 Everyday Conversation
Some don’ts for effective apologies.
• Don’t apologize needlessly. • Don’t try to justify your behaviour.

• Don’t accuse others. • Don’t minimize others’ feelings.

• Don’t include excuses with the • Don’t apologize via e-mail.

apology.
• Don’t minimize your role.

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 Everyday Conversation
3. Asking For A Favour
• Select an appropriate communication context.
• Give appropriate feedforward.
• Ask for the favour.
• Provide an easy exit.

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 Everyday Conversation
Example:
Conversational Stages Example
Opening Hi Pat. This is Chris. Hello Pat. How you doing?
Feedforward I need to ask a favour
Business You see, I lost the tables. Yada yada yada
Feedback If you can’t do this, I totally understand
Closing Can you help me out?

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 Everyday Conversation
4. Complimenting
• Guidelines for complimenting Guidelines for receiving
– Be real and honest – Don’t deny or minimize
– Moderation – Smile with eye contact
– Be totally complimentary – Say thank you
– Specific – Explain why it’s important
– Be personal in your own to you
feelings

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 Everyday Conversation
5. Advice
• Meta-advice – advice about advice
– Explore options and choices
– Seek expert advice
– Delay a decision
• Giving advice - Listen and Empathize
• Responding to advice

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 Everyday Conversation
Guideline's for Giving Advice
• Listen • Empathize
• Be tentative. • Offer options.
• Ensure understanding. • Keep the interaction confidential.
• Avoid should statements

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 Everyday Conversation
Guideline’s when receiving Advice
• Accept what the person says. • Resist the temptation to retaliate or
criticize.

• Interact with the advice. • Express your appreciation.

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 Everyday Conversation
Guideline’s when responding to Advice
• Thank the person for the • Let the other person know that you
advice. are thoughtfully considering the
advice.

• Use your active listening • Remember that you don’t have to

skills follow the advice.

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THANKS!
ANY QUESTIONS?

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