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Inspiration: Dare to Lead

Amber Lundin

OGL 482: Pro-Seminar II

Dr. Lawhorn

October 29, 2023

ASU
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Leadership does not have an easy how-to program to follow. A majority of what you

learn happens along the way through experience, trial, and error. There are great leaders that

have a plethora of advice that you can read through their books. One of these leaders is

Brene Brown, a motivational speaker and entrepreneur, and ultimately, an expert on

leadership.

For this assignment, I chose to read Dare to Lead by Brene Brown. The reason that I

chose this book is because I have read several inspirational quotes by her, and even had this

book on my reading list. She seems wise, and I’ve been interested in reading her books for a

while now. This was the perfect opportunity.

The basis of the book is about courage in leadership. It’s about being vulnerable,

while not being inappropriate with your disclosure, and human connection. It’s about being

vulnerable without being manipulative. It’s about having those tough conversations that

nobody really wants to have. It’s about fostering empathy instead of sympathy. It’s about

building relationships. It’s about having the courage to believe that others have the best

intentions. Brene also talks about using clarity to reduce story making and conspiracy

theories. Ultimately, it’s good suggestions to be a good, successful leader.

I think Dare to Lead is a good book for aspiring and active leaders to read. There’s no

way to know everything about leadership, and I think Brene shares wisdom that would be

good to have in your back pocket. Reading this book gave me perspective on how I lead and

why it is sometimes ineffective, and how to improve my leadership skills. She shares a few

stories that are inspiring and help illustrate her lessons and points; stories that are relatable to

people of pretty much all backgrounds.

In the book, Brene shares a story that illustrates empathy and how it should be used.

In this specific story, Brene was on a business trip with a friend. Her daughter had a sports

game that was kind of a capstone game of her senior year in high school, not just a regular
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game, but rather an epic game of sorts. Brene had even prepared fat heads as support for her

daughter: it was a major event. However, there was a turn of events for Brene, and their

flight home that would have had her home in time for the big game, was cancelled. The only

flights back home would have them home after the game was over. Brene was going to miss

the game. While in the throes of mourning this loss, Brene’s friend was empathetic rather

than sympathetic. Her friend was telling her that the situation sucked and that it was unfair.

She let Brene cry and talk it out, and they also sat in silence. Rather than feeling sorry for

Brene, her friend was there with her to embrace the suck. Her friend was there to hold her

hand through her emotions rather than feeding her pity. She also explained how pity in that

moment rather than empathy would have damaged their relationship. It was a well-illustrated

example of how to execute empathy.

This lesson was important to me because I personally struggle to define and

differentiate pity versus empathy. I feel that pity erodes trust and destroys connection to

others. Having Brene illustrate the meaning of empathy through her story was helpful. I look

forward to taking this knowledge with me to my job that I start after graduation. I understand

that empathy is a skill that will require practice, and I’m sure I will make mistakes, but I feel

that knowing the difference will help me build relationships with others in my new position.

I can practice this now, as well, with my family and peers, even though I’m no longer in a

formal leadership position at work.

Another lesson that Brene covers is about the need to have tough conversations. This

isn’t a one-sided story or conversation. You need to be receptive to feedback that isn’t easy

to take, and you also need to be able to give that tough feedback. A good example that she

gives for this is in performance reviews, or separating (firing) people. Brene explains how it

would be unfair to fire somebody without ever having those tough conversations about their
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performance along the way. You can’t expect people to know that they’re underperforming

or not meeting your expectations without having that conversation along the way.

I am the queen of avoiding uncomfortable conversations. The only person I feel

comfortable having them with is my daughter, because I know she’ll love me regardless and

it helps her grow as a person to have those discussions. When I was in a leadership position,

I would avoid them, and even when having tough conversations, I would limit how much I

would say, often skirting around the problem, or even brushing it off. After reading this

book, I plan to have frequent check-ins with my manager to seek feedback on my

performance and what I can do to do a better job. I think it’s important to be receptive to

what others share if you want to grow as a person and be successful. “Clear is kind. Unclear

is unkind.” (Brown, B., 2019, p. 47).

Another lesson embedded in the book is about courage. She explains throughout the

book how leading with courage is hard. According to Brown, courage requires vulnerability

(2019). “You can’t get to courage without rumbling with vulnerability. Embrace the suck.”

(Brown, B., 2019, p. 10). Courage to have tough conversations. Courage to be vulnerable.

Vulnerability doesn’t mean oversharing (Brown, B., 2019).

I am not a courageous person. I don’t open up to people: I am reserved and private

until I get to know somebody well. Basically, I force others to be vulnerable around me

before I’m willing to open up. This can be problematic when trying to build relationships.

Some people don’t have the patience for that, and, honestly, it’s not fair for me to expect

others to share with me first, or share without reciprocation. I was much quicker to open up

at my new store (I recently transferred, which costed me my position as a supervisor, but

that’s another story), but it still took me a few days. I started training people at my new store,

so I’ve been practicing having the courage to be the first to share stories in attempt to
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connect. I hope to hone in on that skill so that by the time I start my new position it’s second-

nature.

Embarrassingly enough, I am not sure how to connect this book to previous

coursework in the program. I could possibly connect the learnings to OGL 481: Pro-Seminar

I, however I’m unsure of how much reframing Brene really describes in her book. I guess

she suggests reframing your beliefs on others’ intent if you don’t naturally assume that people

mean well in what they do and they put their best effort forth in their work, even when it

doesn’t appear that way.

Something that is brought up in the book that I can relate to this class is values. Much

like the values checklist that we used in another exercise, Brene shares a list of values that are

fairly common to people. She recommends an exercise like we did, where you first narrow

the values down to a list of ten, and eventually down to just two core values. These are the

values that drive your very being. According to Brown, it is important to lead with these

values (2019). I discovered through this book that, currently, my two values are family and

financial security. I plan to spend more time on my values to decide if these are the two I

intend to live and lead by.

This book isn’t very different from what I’ve learned in the Organizational Leadership

degree program. It does, however, expand further into the topics. I think Brene did a

fantastic job illustrating and defining what different concepts of leadership mean, so I just

learned another lens to view the topics through, not necessarily something completely

different or new. I think the approach is mostly what differs. Brene’s stories are personal to

her, which makes them different from what I’ve read and learned about.

My favorite part about the book is how relatable it is to anyone. Brene uses

conversational language, which makes it easy to read. The occasional curse word thrown in

makes it likeable or enjoyable. I think I most related to an argument that she had with her
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husband. My husband and I sometimes have little squabbles like that where I come in hot-

headed, and he is able to diffuse the situation and keep me grounded. It helps me to know

that I can still be a good leader, even though I can sometimes have off-the-wall moments with

the people whom I am closest.

After reading and reflecting on this book, I hope that I can make an impact as a leader

in my future endeavors. I think that by opening up to others, I will be able to build

relationships that are founded on trust rather than just being positional, or worse, from fear.

Another relationship builder will be to practice empathy when the moment calls for it, rather

than supplying pity through sympathy. Empathy, as I understand from Brene’s book, is more

supportive than sympathy. Also, I hope to bring with me courage. I would like to be able to

stand up for myself and others through my beliefs, even if it is unpopular at the time. I don’t

mean being unruly or boisterous, either, but having the ability to call people out when they’re

being racist or sexist, or some other -ist that is against my values and beliefs.

An area that I struggle in that I plan to work on after reading this book is just talking

to people in general. I’m so busy worrying about what people think of me, that I’m afraid to

say anything. This is what I mean by courage. It seems small, but for me, the courage to

have candid conversations with others, withholding reservations, would make a world of

difference for my confidence and my leadership abilities. Sometimes I’m not even sure if I

know how to have conversations with others that I don’t know. How can I lead others if I’m

afraid to have the most basic of conversations with people? I can’t.

I think how I’ll best make an impact in my future career using the knowledge that I’ve

gained from this book comes in the form of inclusivity. It’s not hard to spot somebody who

has low levels of confidence and a low self-esteem. I think it’s important to include

everybody. In order to include people like myself, I will have to learn how to reach out to

them. How to talk to them and open their shell. This brings back that sense of vulnerability.
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I will have to have the courage to trust the process and trust that, although not everybody will

be receptive to what I have to offer, I will have done my best. I must have the courage to be

open to judgement.

If I could ask Brene one thing, I would ask her about how she became so engrossed in

leadership. I would like to know what instigated her interest in, and what led her to begin her

research in leadership and courage. I am curious if she had a leader in her life that inspired

her. Mostly, I am curious what drove her to do research on leadership that is so profound that

she now is a public figure. I don’t want to be famous like her, but maybe in knowing the

answers, I would be able to ignite something within myself, courage within myself, to lead.

In conclusion, I believe that Dare to Lead is a good book for leaders and those who

aspire to become a leader to read. I think that it helps fine tune some of those skills required

for leadership. It will likely inspire others to do better and be better leaders. I think that

current leaders could use the tools provided in the book to build better, stronger relationships

with their superiors and subordinates. Even if you don’t read it for professional leadership, it

can even help you be a better parent, friend, and partner. I appreciate that I was given this

opportunity for this class.

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References

Brown, B. (2019). Dare to lead brave work. tough conversations. whole hearts. Ebury
Digital.