Enriquez 1

Jocelyn Enriquez

ENC 1101-0026

Professor Sam

27 November 2023

Response Letter

Dear Professor Sam,

Thank you for the opportunity to be able to revise my Major Assignment 2 paper and reflect on

my mistakes. Reading through your comments and the ones from my peers, I see that I truly did

need some work done for this paper. After going through the revision notes myself, I was able to

see my mistakes and reflect on them to make this a better paper than before. I am truly grateful

for the experience of being able to revise what I wrote into something more professional than I

could imagine. As I was going through my reflections the biggest ones I had to work on and that

made the biggest difference was a better knowledge of my claims, usage of my research, and

overall sound of the paper.

With the feedback I was given, one of the most important ones was about my thesis and how it

was incomplete. My thesis was an incomplete sentence with no claims about my paper. It stated,

“Becoming a part of these discourse communities has had such an effect on my life as of who I

am now.” As you can see, I put no details on why discourse communities had a big impact, and it

was a very dull statement. It is clearly shown that there was no thought that went into this thesis
 Enriquez 2

statement. However, your feedback that you have given me help me have a new well-structured

thesis statement:

“This is the start of a thesis. But it's really vague.

What kind of effect? and why does that matter?”

This comment is something I needed to hear to be able to figure out how to write up an actual

thesis statement. The thesis is a big part of the entire paper because it shows what the claims are

that I would be writing about. Without having any claims there would be no reason to write so I

needed to show that in my new thesis. With this there is an all-around better knowledge of my

claims from me as the writer and the readers. My new thesis statements states, “Becoming a part

of these discourse communities, as in the managers at my high school football team and the

athletic trainers at my college, has had such an amazing effect on my life because it has made me

the person I am today and has taught me so many new things.” My thesis shows that my claims

are my discourse communities, managing at a high school level and then at a college level, and

how those impacted me. I answered all the questions from the feedback I have gotten from you,

and I am very confident on how my new thesis turn out to be. My claims are now very visible to

see, and any reader can see what I will be writing about.

In the revision notes that I received, I saw that many of my research citations were highlighted or

touched upon by you. The citations that I wrote were structured incorrectly for the MLA format

that we needed to do for this paper. I got feedback like “missing citation” and “no comma.” This

at first was confusing to me because I believe that I had the right type of citation in my paper

however after looking through all the citations some of them were correct. So, after looking
 Enriquez 3

through my own paper and searching through online resources I was able to revise and fix the

mistakes on my citations. After reflecting on these mistakes and fixing them I was able to see

that my paper looks more creditable and professional. The research that gets put in my paper is

what shows the readers that I have information to back up my claims. Without it written in its

proper structure I would lose my creditability on it. This is why I am glad that this was brought

to my attention to be able to see my mistakes.

For my last main reflection, I worked on the overall sound of my paper. This to me was the

grammar and the flow of the paper and I had many mistakes that came from this. Grammar has

never been my strong suit and I always needed someone to read it or have it been read out loud

to me. I would never be able to see these types of mistakes, and these were the ones that many

people including you and my peers told me to revise. Many of these mistakes were hard to hear

because it was embarrassing to me. The most outrageous part for me was that there were small

mistakes that I missed. For example, one of your revisions notes just said “for” because I wrote

“to” instead of “for.” If I reflected better I would have been able to spot that without you as my

editor to tell me. However, seeing these types of revision notes is an eye opener for me to see

that little mistakes happen. So, with this I was able to go through my paper another time to make

sure these types of mistakes were not there anymore. Also, in the peer review my peer had said

that I used lots of repetition throughout my entire paper. This was difficult for me to hear as well

because I do not have the best vocabulary. But by using the materials I had and online resources I

was able to change most of the wording in the paper.

 Enriquez 4

With all the revision and reflecting I have done for my resubmission on major assignment 2, I

hope you can see and understand the changes I have made to make my paper organized and

overall smooth. I used feedback from yourself and my fellow peers to be able to fix my mistakes

big or small and now I have a better understanding of the paper. I hope when you re-evaluate my

submission it is clear to see that I revised and reflected on my work.

Thank you,

Jocelyn Enriquez