i just wanna be your shadow

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/44519626.

Rating: Explicit
Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Category: M/M
Fandom: 人渣反派自救系统 - 墨香铜臭 | The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System -
Mòxiāng Tóngxiù
Relationship: Luò Bīnghé/Shěn Yuán | Shěn Qīngqiū
Character: Luò Bīnghé, Shěn Yuán | Shěn Qīngqiū, System (Scum Villain)
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, inspired by the manhua wǒ yào
dāng gè dà huàidàn, aka 'i want to be a big baddie' lol, shen yuan is still
a transmigrator but into a modern book, luo binghe can read minds,
weirdo4weirdo bingyuan, Stalking, Light Sadism, Possessive Behavior,
Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Other Additional Tags to Be
Added, Yandere, Black Lotus Luo Binghe, Dubious Ethics, Non-
Consensual Voyeurism, Manipulation, and this is the point in the tags i
feel it necessary to clarify, Happy Ending, Masturbation, Anal Sex,
Riding, First Time, e rating in ch8 and ch14, lbh and sy are vers, the
system is basically an oc
Language: English
Stats: Published: 2023-01-25 Updated: 2023-03-10 Chapters: 19/20 Words:
65093

i just wanna be your shadow

by bibliomaniac

Summary

Luo Binghe can read minds, which is why he doesn't trust anyone apart from his foster
mother--and Shen Qingqiu, the transmigrator who should be his worst enemy. And he
might be, if Luo Binghe couldn't see his thoughts when he bullied him: Shen Qingqiu, a.k.a.
Shen Yuan, doesn't want to hurt him.

(Or at least, he doesn't want to want to hurt him.)

Luo Binghe has always known what he wants. He wants stability, he wants enough power
to protect the people he cares about and destroy the ones who want him to fail. Now, he
wants Shen Yuan.

And he will have him, even if Shen Yuan doesn't know it yet.

Meanwhile, Shen Yuan is wondering why his cool CEO protagonist has suddenly become a
quivering M who follows him around everywhere. Worse still, he's wondering why he likes
it?! All he wanted was to fix the terrible mistake that ruined his life, but Luo Binghe is
making it really difficult to want to go back...
Notes

title is from 'be your shadow' by the wombats (link here)

as mentioned in the tags, this is inspired by the manhua 'wǒ yào dāng gè dà huàidàn',
english title 'i want to be a big baddie'. i've wanted for a while to write a weirdo4weirdo au
a la nachtofthedead's 'to drink from a full cup overflowing' or aaeph's 'no sweet and bitter
blend' or bedesbummie's 'mightier than waves' (or rather. i wanted to read more of that sort
of thing but there's not a ton of it out there lol) and i knew i wanted one of them to be a yan-
type stalker but when i was trying to think of what the other one's Weirdo Characteristic
might be i thought of the most recent several chapters of i want to be a big baddie and here
we are!

also as a note: the system is not really...at all like the one in svsss =v= it's closer to the one
in iwtbabb but frankly i couldn't be bothered to go back and read either for reference so let's
be real here it's basically just, idk, a new character or whatever. it's an au it's fine (i am
telling this to myself)

i habitually give extensive cws in the beginning a/ns of each chapter, and they often give
spoilers for the chapter. if you don't want to be spoiled feel free to skip them, but if you're
worried about triggers please do take care!

cws for first chapter: mention of higher powers not doing anything for luo binghe, lots of
talk about class dynamics between rich families and the people who work for them,
mention of luo binghe reading sexual thoughts about his mother from past employers
though they're being outwardly polite, inward discrimination against a single mother for
bringing her kid to work, mention of past implied power dynamics issue for a maid getting
pregnant by her employer & then getting kicked out for it, mention of shen jiu needing to
beg & commit petty crimes for food in the past, some negative self-thinking

See the end of the work for more notes

 Chapter 1

Luo Binghe doesn’t believe in anything like higher powers. He’d never had any reason to. His
childish requests for help from anyone, anything, always went unanswered. He eventually got the
message: nobody was going to do anything for him or his foster mother. He was on his own in this
world, and he always would be.

And that’s what he kept thinking, until his foster mother started working for the Shen family.

The Shens are old-money rich, which to Luo Binghe just means they were going to be assholes but
that Luo Binghe can’t do anything about it. His foster mother had worked for enough of the type
for him to know how it goes. She still fusses over his clothes the day they move into the staff
quarters, though, still absentmindedly tucks his hair behind his ears and says worriedly, “Now
remember, be on your best behavior.”

She’d already told him this four times. He’d have remembered even if she hadn’t said anything, but
he says obediently, “I will, Mom.”

Her smile is warm against her wan face. “I know. You’re my good boy.” She kisses his forehead.
“Now let’s go. We don’t want to be late.”

The Shens had paid for the movers, not that they had much to pack anyway, so all that was left was
to get in the car and head to the Shen family manor. It’s outside the city on an estate so sprawling
and green that Luo Binghe briefly wonders if they had gotten lost and entered a park instead.

“Isn’t this nice?” his foster mother asks. Her voice is nervous; her fingers drum on the steering
wheel. “Much more space to run around than our old place.”

She doesn’t say that whether he’ll be allowed to ‘run around’ is dependent on the whims of their
new employers. He knows, anyway.

“It’s nice,” he says instead, which it is. It’s just not theirs.

The longer the road runs, the faster his foster mother’s fingers tap. She’s been working for rich
people for years, but never this rich. It’s an opportunity and a pitfall both—the pay is good, but
with an estate this big, if she messes up they could blacklist her from working in this city entirely.
And they don’t have the money to move again—

The panicked thoughts are displayed next to his foster mother’s head. He looks away, out of
courtesy, and also to hide the frown growing on his face.

Luo Binghe has been able to read minds for as long as he can remember. Peoples’ thoughts show
up next to them, in speech bubbles as though they were in a comic. And in a comic, this might be a
good thing. He’d be a superhero or something. He’d be the protagonist, maybe, able to use these
powers for good.

But this is real life.

And in real life, these powers only convince him all the more that there’s nothing good out there
for him.

He has to see every thought people have—every single one, from the indifferent to the cruel to the
perverse. Not everybody is disgusting, of course. Most people simply don’t care. But he’s still seen
enough of the bad to have lost any hope he might ever have had for those around him, his foster
mother aside.

His foster mother’s employers tend to be even worse. They insult her as they smile, they lust over
her as their hand lingers a bit too long on her shoulder. He’s not under any illusions that this family
will be any better.

He can’t say any of that to her. She doesn’t know about his power, and she still thinks this job
might turn out all right for once. He clenches his teeth and keeps looking out the window, out at
this big beautiful terrible sea of green, and he keeps his thoughts to himself.

They finally arrive at the entrance of the manor. As jaded as Luo Binghe is, his mouth still drops
open briefly at the sight of it. It’s a traditional home and gorgeous, and big. But they’re only at the
front for a moment or two before they pull off to the side, over to the employee entrance. That
sobers Luo Binghe up quickly enough.

They’re met at the door by a no-nonsense woman who shows them around while listing the house
rules rapidfire. Luo Binghe looks at the thought to her side; she’s irritated that his foster mother
brought a kid, even though she was informed ahead of time. She thinks it’s unprofessional.

Luo Binghe squeezes his fists by his side and says nothing. This woman isn’t even the only one
here thinking it, much less the first.

“Child,” she eventually says once they’ve finished their circuit around the manor. “I have some
more specific instructions for your mother. How about you head back to your rooms?”

Her smile doesn’t look forced, but Luo Binghe knows better. He nods silently and turns on his
heel.

Strange child, her thoughts say, just before his sight is cut off. He’s too quiet.

It’s not as though she would like him any more if he were louder. He holds his sneer until he’s
alone.

To the Shens’ credit, Luo Binghe supposes, their assigned room is pretty nice—plain, but it’s not
as small as some of the places as they’ve been, and it looks clean. There’s an attached bathroom,
too. Their things have already been dropped off to their rooms, so Luo Binghe busies himself by
starting to open boxes and put things in their place.

He’s carefully arranging some pictures of his foster mom’s parents on the windowsill when he
happens to glance out the window. There’s a boy out there, lying on the grass and gazing up at the
sky. Or that’s what Luo Binghe would presume he was looking at, except for he can distantly see
above the boy are two thought bubbles—one normal, and one translucent blue rectangle.

Luo Binghe’s eyes narrow thoughtfully, and he squints to see better.

The boy startles suddenly, sitting up and looking directly at Luo Binghe’s window.

Luo Binghe startles in return, stepping back slightly.

He’s about to avert his gaze, look back down at the pictures, but a beautiful smile spreads across
the boy’s face, and he waves at Binghe.

Luo Binghe blinks. Another child of one of the staff, perhaps? Maybe he’s excited to see another
kid here. Hesitantly, he waves back.
The boy only beams harder, then stops as abruptly as he started. He blanches, peeks one last time
and gives one last small wave at the window, then gets up and runs away.

Luo Binghe purses his lips, poking at one of the pictures and considering that interaction. Two
thought bubbles. One that looks different than anything he’s seen. He’s admittedly curious. And
was the boy looking at the thoughts? Is he…not the only one out there who can do this?

The boy’s smile flashes back into his mind. Luo Binghe casts his eyes down. It’s been a while
since someone other than his foster mother has smiled at him like that. But he wasn’t close enough
to know why it was happening.

It would be nice to see him closer next time, he thinks.

Fuck, Luo Binghe is so small and cute right now, Shen Yuan gushes. What a sweet tiny little bun! I
was wondering if I was ever going to get to see him.

[I said he was coming today,] the System says, then comments disapprovingly, [I still can’t
believe you smiled at him. Shen Qingqiu would never sincerely smile at Luo Binghe.]

I told you I didn’t smile at him, Shen Yuan counters stubbornly. There was a cool butterfly outside
his window.

[There most certainly was not.]

Was too.

[I regret binding you as my host,] the System grumbles. [You were supposed to be good at
being a villain.]

Shen Yuan stills. Pain ravages his chest, so sharp and heavy for a moment he can’t breathe.

Finally, he says icily, I also told you I’m not like that.

[You are, and I’m tired of having this argument with you.] The System sighs. [I’m sure you’ll
get the hang of it. Actually, you have to get the hang of it, because you don’t have enough
points for infinite OOC violations.]

Shen Yuan rolls his eyes and shoves down that pain deep within once more. Yeah, yeah. I’ll do my
job.

His job is, of course, to make Luo Binghe’s life miserable as the cannon fodder villain Shen
Qingqiu. Shen Qingqiu is a sadistic young master who was born an illegitimate son of the Shen
family head. His mother, a maid of the Shen household, was kicked out as soon as the pregnancy
was discovered, and she died not long after. Shen Qingqiu was left in the hands of a criminal
organization and was forced by them to beg and commit petty crimes. At some point, the
legitimate Shen heir passed away, and under pressure from the sons of branch families, the Shen
family head found Shen Qingqiu and brought him back to the main household. He’d seized onto
his new power with greedy claws and never let go.
None of this information had been in the original novel, The Proud Demon CEO’s Immortal Way,
of course. That would have required some actual interest in worldbuilding rather than in Luo
Binghe’s vapid collection of conquests. Instead, the System had filled him in on the details when
Shen Yuan arrived in this world. It finally made sense why Shen Qingqiu hated Luo Binghe so
much—when Shen Yuan was reading, he’d thought it inexplicable, but now Shen Yuan thinks the
boy probably was reminded of his past by Luo Binghe. Or something. He could also just be a dick?
Or both.

Either way, Shen Qingqiu starts to bully Luo Binghe almost as soon as Luo Binghe arrives at the
Shen household. His ruthless torment motivates Luo Binghe to work hard and start his business
empire so that he can crush the Shen family beneath his expensive shoes, with Shen Qingqiu
having the worst end of them all.

Shen Yuan hadn’t wanted to do this, at first. As a faithful reader of the novel, he hated Shen
Qingqiu more than anyone. Also he kind of doesn’t want to be tortured to death, which he thinks is
reasonable! But then there were, well, circumstances, and now he’s here. And the only option he
has is to do his job. If he does…everything will be fine again. The System promised.

Shen Yuan doesn’t believe in much of anything or anyone at all, but sometimes, especially when
there’s nothing else left…sometimes you have to believe in something anyway, if you want to keep
going.

That’s probably why the System came to him then, right when he had just lost everything.

Shen Yuan shakes his head forcefully. He’s not thinking about it. There’s no use when the only
thing he can do about it is what he’s doing right now.

When’s the first event again? The banquet.

[One week from now.]

All right. I’ll be ready.

Being a villain for his own personal gain isn’t the nicest thing to do.

But then, he knows deep down that the System is right after all.

He’s never really been a very nice person.

 Chapter 2
Chapter Notes

cws for this chapter: attempted bullying, some kids get into a fight, blood mention, talk
about shen yuan enjoying seeing people in pain, shen yuan thinks his mother is
disgusted with him and that nobody other than his family will love him because of
this, mention of pre-transmigration sqq hitting his maids, being kind of skeevy with
nyy (or a rumor thereof), sy!sqq pretends to be disgusted by luo binghe because he's
lower-class or whatever, he kicks lbh lightly but enough for him to fall to the ground,
it's implied that shen yuan enjoys hurting lbh/his tears

See the end of the chapter for more notes

A-Yuan, his mother says, in that distant, hazy way of dreams, can you promise me something?

Not a dream, then. A memory.

It was in his first year of school. Some kid had shoved him against the wall for not handing over
his allowance. “I know your family is rich,” he’d said. “You don’t need this.”

And Shen Yuan, unblinking, had shoved him back, and the kid stumbled because he wasn’t
expecting it, and he tripped over his feet and fell back onto the desk behind him.

It was only a minor injury. That wasn’t the problem. The bigger problem was the other kids,
filtering back into the room after lunch, saw him squatting next to the groaning, concussed kid, and
looking thoughtfully at the blood. He wasn’t crying or screaming. He just looked, and then—
started to smile.

Shen Yuan can’t remember how he felt, then, but he imagines it was the same rush of heat and
adrenaline he feels now whenever he sees someone hurt, crying, begging for relief. And he can
remember the faces of all of those kids, back then—not individual details, but the emotions that
were nearly palpable in the space between him and them.

Fear. Disgust.

They knew he was different than them, and now he knew too.

The kid’s mother screamed and cried for a while to the principal. She said he was dangerous. But
there were cameras in all the rooms, so everyone knew the kid had started it, and they knew it was
an accident. Shen Yuan’s mother offered to pay for the boy’s medical bills. Nothing happened to
Shen Yuan. He stayed quiet the whole time, except for when his mother prompted him for an
apology that he didn’t wholly mean.

It was only afterwards, when his mother was driving them home, that he finally spoke up.

“I don’t understand,” he said. “Why I had to say sorry.”

She looked over at him. “Because he hurt you first?”

He thought about it some more before responding. “No.” Because he deserved it. Because he
hadn’t even been trying.

Because he liked seeing him on the ground bleeding.

“Well—even though he was mean to you, he was still hurt because of you. It’s just…polite.”

“I don’t understand,” Shen Yuan had repeated, more frustrated now.

They’d reached home by then, and his mother parked the car without answering, unlocked the
door, helped him take off his shoes. And then, kneeling in front of him like that, she’d said, “You
were smiling.”

Shen Yuan pursed his lips.

“Can I ask why?”

“I was happy he was hurt,” Shen Yuan said, knowing that even though it’s the honest answer, it’s
not the right one.

His mother squeezed his little hands, looking up at him, then sighed. Her head fell down, and he
felt nervous not being able to see her expression, not being certain if she was afraid of him now too.

“Mom?”

“A-Yuan,” she said. “Can you promise me something?”

He’d frowned. He didn’t want to promise when he didn’t know what she was asking for, but she
was his mom and he loved her, so he still said, “Yes.”

“Don’t do something like this again.” Her hands squeezed tighter, almost painfully, before
releasing. “Even if you don’t understand. Even if it makes you happy. Don’t hurt someone again.”

She was disgusted with him. Shen Yuan’s eyes dimmed.

“Because that sort of thing, people don’t like it, and…I can’t always be there to help you.”

“Oh.” Tears started to build at the corners of his eyes. “Okay.”

She rushed to reassure him, hands sliding up to his shoulders. “Baby, no, no, I’m not—I’m not mad
with you, or anything—I love you, your dad and siblings love you. But not everyone will get it. I
just don’t want you to get hurt. Okay?”

“Okay,” he echoed once more. “I promise.”

She peered at him carefully. “And you know I love you, right?”

“Yes.”

Just, nobody else would, if he showed them how he really felt.

After that day, if he understood nothing else, he understood that.

The dream bleeds away, shifts, and then he hears distantly “Shen Yuan, please, I’m trying to
drive,” and—

No. He sits up in bed, gasping for breath, pain in his chest so intense he blearily wonders whether
he had forgotten that Shen Qingqiu had a heart condition. But—no, it’s just him. Just. Just shit he
doesn’t want to remember.

[You’re up early,] the System notes. [Excited for the banquet tonight?]

Shen Yuan flops back against his pillows. Not really.

He’ll be breaking that promise. His mom would be so disappointed, if she knew…

But she won’t. And he’ll keep himself under control, so. It’ll be fine. It’s all for them anyway.

Luo Binghe wasn’t particularly on edge about the event the Shen family was holding this evening.
These rich families hold these kinds of stupid events to schmooze with one another all the time. But
when the kid he had seen on his first day peeked into the doorway of the grand ballroom, where
Luo Binghe was helping out by polishing silverware, his interest was admittedly piqued.

Especially because the thought bubble next to him reads, So this is where it happens, huh…

And then, in smaller text, Ahh I think he’s looking at me! Act natural.

The blue rectangle he’d seen before popped up. [Don’t act natural. Act like Shen Qingqiu.]

Luo Binghe’s brows raise fractionally, and he returns his gaze to the fork in his hand—or so it
should seem to the boy. He’d mastered the art of reading thoughts through his peripheral vision
long ago.

Shen Qingqiu, he knows, is the young master of the house. Some of the younger employees, the
ones that felt bad for the new worker with the kid, told them to be especially careful of him. They
didn’t say much more than that, but their thoughts had given him plenty of information.

—slapped one of his maids just for serving his tea a bit cold—she was crying—said he’d get her
dismissed but she ended up quitting herself—

—heard he told Mrs. Ning’s child that she would serve him someday whether she liked it or not,
definitely has impure motives—

—complete asshole, wish they left him on the streets where he belongs—

So what is that blue rectangle, and why is it telling him to act like the young master of all people?
He mentally runs through a list of possibilities as, to his side, the boy’s thoughts scroll incessantly.
Ughhh I don’t WANT to! Don't wanna, don’t wanna, don’t wannaaa.

[You already agreed!]

I know I did, and I’m going to, but I don’t want to! What, do you get to control my feelings now?

[No. But where did you get the idea I cared about what you wanted?]

: ( You’re so mean to me.

The routine is baffling and somewhat amusing, at least until a member of the staff shrinks away
from the door and asks, “Young Master Shen, is there something you needed from us?”

Luo Binghe prides himself on having good control over his facial expressions, but even he can’t
stop his eyes from widening. That’s Shen Qingqiu?

The one who smiled at him—wait, no, more importantly, the one who was telling himself to act
like…himself?

Oops, Shen Qingqiu’s thought bubble reads. “Uh—no. No, I mean—yes—”

[Oh my god,] the blue rectangle says.

Do you have a god? Shen Qingqiu thinks, head tilting slightly, then, “Yes! Yes, I do need
something.” He lifts his chin, and all at once, a different air falls over him. His eyes go chilly, his
posture straightens. He points.

More specifically, he points at Luo Binghe.

“What is that doing here?”

The staff look back and forth. “Th-that? Uh—that’s…he’s our newest employee’s son, Young
Master, he offered to help with some minor chores…”

Shen Qingqiu sneers. “Please. Someone like him, help? He can only make that silverware dirtier,
touching it with his grubby hands.”

Luo Binghe looks at Shen Qingqiu steadily. For the first time, he wonders whether his power is
working properly, because Shen Qingqiu’s thought bubbles read:

Nooo my poor protagonist :’( He’s so brave standing there like that, not even crying—I mean of
course, he’s always had unassailable character. How could Shen Qingqiu not see that?! He should
have taken the poor bun in, nurtured him! They could’ve been friends. Brothers even! Such a
missed opportunity—

[What are you doing?!] the blue rectangle scrolls next to him, bouncing around. [It isn’t time for
this yet! The big event is tonight, when he breaks something at the banquet—this doesn’t
have anywhere near the same impact! What kind of conflict is centered around silverware—]

It’s not like Shen Qingqiu would’ve run away after the staff called him out for peeping. Besides,
doesn’t this show how irrational he is, that he can find fault over the smallest thing—

[Then you shouldn’t have come to peep in the first place! I told you this was a stupid idea!]

Interesting, Luo Binghe thinks.

Very interesting.

Luo Binghe isn’t responding, and he can see the staff starting to sweat.

“What are you still doing here?” Shen Qingqiu barks, striding towards him. “I said, you’re dirty. I
don’t want you in my sight.”

I’m so sorry, my sweet cute baby.

 Luo Binghe makes a snap decision, just to see what will happen. He drops the silverware (onto a
rag, of course, he’d worked hard cleaning these), backs away from Shen Qingqiu with wide,
worried eyes.

He backs into a pedestal holding a vase, and it wobbles twice before crashing down to the ground
and shattering into pieces.

[Oh. Well. I guess that’s okay then?]

Shen Qingqiu’s jaw drops for a second, but he quickly composes himself and kicks Luo Binghe to
the ground.

“Young Master!” someone shouts.

Someone else whispers, “Someone go get his mother—”

Shen Qingqiu didn’t even kick that hard. Luo Binghe is fairly certain he was holding back. And
he’s had much worse before, anyway. But for the effect of it, Luo Binghe produces some tears and
blinks wetly up at Shen Qingqiu. “I—I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

Shen Qingqiu’s thoughts go blank for a moment before, No. Nope. No. No. I can’t do this.

[You’re already doing this. Don’t you want to save your—]

I can’t.

Shen Qingqiu’s expression is murderous. He breathes heavily, hands clenching and unclenching at
his side. The people around him might think he’s trying to control himself from hitting the child.

Luo Binghe is probably the only one that can see the hint of a blush high on his cheeks.

“You’ll pay for this, you unlucky bastard,” Shen Qingqiu hisses. “I swear, I’ll make you pay.”
Then he stomps out.

To Luo Binghe, it seems like he’s running.

The adults rush to his side after that. They look him over, ask whether he’s all right, tell him it’ll be
okay, that everyone makes mistakes. Their thoughts say this is why she shouldn’t bring a kid to
work, just asking for trouble, Young Master Shen definitely won’t let this go.

Luo Binghe thinks, I don’t want him to.

He still has yet to understand what’s going on, after all. Shen Qingqiu can’t read thoughts like he
can—he’s fairly sure of that much—but the rest is still a mystery. He’s never had anything that
was a mystery to him before.

Luo Binghe hides his smile and rubs his chest where Shen Qingqiu’s shoe had touched him.
There’s some pain, still.

It’s the first thing he’s felt in a while.

Chapter End Notes

i wanted to mention real quick: the manhua this is inspired by (i want to be a big
baddie) hasn't really gotten into, like, diagnoses for the reluctant sadist character. he
wants to bully others bc he enjoys it but he doesn't because he knows it's societally
wrong and because he feels guilty about it. i'm more or less following that and
glossing over these things, so if i'm not depicting, say, antisocial personality disorder
or whatever properly...i'm not really trying to! but i do also want to make it clear that
shen yuan feeling as though others can't love him because of who he is, that's his
negative thinking and not what i feel about anybody who might have inclinations
towards sadism or who has blunted emotional affect or whatever. as long as it's all safe
sane consensual etc. =v=;;

also! if anyone is wondering how hard i'll lean into the sadism aspect. i'm writing this
but i am also very weak to depictions of pain lol...so this won't ever go fully into super
hard bdsm. like, we're talking, maybe some light impact play, more likely overstim or
denial or stuff like that (though, like, idk maybe they do other shit on their own time
and maybe i'd mention it, i'm just talking about what i'll probably write as a full scene).
i'll try to find a good balance but yes it's not going to get really bloody or anything!
probably! i haven't written it, but i also know myself lol

one last note. i'm going to try to zoom through the childhood part. i don't want for this
to be some 20-chapter monster, for my own sanity, so i might end up doing some
bullshit timeskips. frankly....i just want to get to the part where binghe's in a troubling
amount of love and sy's in a canonical amount of denial...worldbuilding is not my forte
;v; so if it ever seems like i'm rushing, i almost certainly am!
 Chapter 3
Chapter Notes

cws for this chapter: sy is slightly aroused by having hurt lbh in the last chapter; he
DOES NOT do anything about it and it is not because of lbh in particular (just the pain
he caused him) but lbh is definitely underage at the moment. mention of sy being a
born villain because of his sadistic tendencies, mention of chronic medical issues for
sy's real body, slightly graphic depiction of a car crash, blood mention, minor
character death (sy's family), sy thinks it's his fault they're dead and the system sort of
drives the nail in further, sqq steps on lbh's shoulder/in general sort of pokes at him in
a humiliating (but nonsexual) way with his foot, brief mention of lbh having been
solicited by his mom's previous employers/he thinks sqq is doing that to him, sqq
forces lbh into being his personal attendant, sy calls lbh his dog and mentions mentally
that he thinks it's because airplane was into petplay, implication that lbh was sort of
into being stepped on lol,,

WHEW that's a lot but please pay attention if you think any of this may cause you
distress! and of course always let me know if there's something i've missed that you'd
like me to add in

See the end of the chapter for more notes

[The main system determined that wasn’t an OOC violation,] the System says disappointedly,
[But if I could I would’ve taken the points anyway. What was that?]

Shen Yuan’s never felt this before—his heart on fire and dropping into his stomach all at once. He
knows he’s probably still blushing a bit. He also knows he’s probably a good grope away from
getting hard.

Fuck.

Luo Binghe is still a teenager! He’s thirteen when the story starts, to Shen Qingqiu’s eighteen. And
of course the point isn’t that he’s thirteen, it’s just that he’d been the one Shen Yuan kicked, the
one crying with those big startled eyes—

Shen Yuan growls at himself, rustling his hair. He’s back in the privacy of his room, which gives
him some freedom to act OOC. It’s the only good thing about this shitty situation.

I’m the worst.

[At least you realize it,] the System gripes. [Are you going to tell me why you ran away?]

Shen Yuan takes a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself like his mother taught him. Some of
the fire trickles away, slowly, as he pushes the image of Luo Binghe far down, like he does with
everything he doesn’t want to think about. That thing you told me when you came to get me.

[What, that you were born to be a villain? What does that have to do with anything?]

I don’t want to be like that. My mom made me promise.

Shen Yuan didn’t really expect any sympathy. He probably shouldn’t have said anything at all.
Especially because the System just says, [Okay, sure. Did she make you promise to hold her
hand when you were crossing the street, too? Want me to hold your hand? For one million B-
Points I will form myself a body and hold your fucking hand and give you little kisses on the
forehead. Or, you can grow the fuck up. If you fail the next time I’m giving up on you, and
you can give up on your family.]

You’re really an asshole. The reminder of his family only makes his heart drop further.

[I’m not the one who killed everyone I cared about.]

Shen Yuan goes still, then turns away from the System, facing the wall. The blue rectangle pops
up on the wall instead. He doesn’t bother reading before he pulls the covers over his head.

[Real mature,] a tiny blue box flashes in front of his nose.

“Just shut up for once,” he mutters out loud, and the box winks out of existence. For now.

Shen Yuan curls up under the blanket and presses his nose, where the bridge of his glasses used to
rest on his real body.

He’s still not used to this one. Shen Qingqiu is taller than him, longer-limbed in general. He doesn’t
wheeze when he runs, or wake up with a headache and joint pain, which Shen Yuan had honestly
thought was fake??! When he coughs, he’s not packed into a car to go to the hospital, because it’s
actually probably just a cough and not some new medical condition.

It’s amazing, and Shen Yuan misses his old body still. Or—not the body itself, necessarily, but the
people that came with it. His family.

Not that they’re back in his old world anymore, either. He killed them.

Some morbid part of him has wondered at times whether this is some kind of sick monkey’s paw
situation. Like—congratulations, you get a great body, you get to hang out with your favorite
character, isn’t this what you always wanted? Except for it’s built on the bodies of your family,
oops, and you have to hurt your favorite character too, double oops.

But thinking that would require he turn away from the fact that it’s his fault his parents and siblings
are dead. Which he has been. As much as possible, he has been. It’s just that it’s there all the time,
anyway, stuck in his throat, an ache that won’t go away…

He hadn’t serial-killer-murdered them or anything. It’s not much consolation, but at least every
person that had whispered about him in class was wrong about that. But they were in the car
because of him, him and his stupid hotpot craving and his dumb we’re never all together anymore,
we should go out for once! And he was the one who was rambling in the backseat, sandwiched
between his older brothers and younger sister, talking about The Proud Demon CEO’s Immortal
Way and how clearly it thinks its readers are idiots who don’t know anything about business
because every time it talks about acquisitions he wants to shove thumbtacks into the author’s
fingers so he’ll think twice about what he types next time.

“A-Yuan,” his mother had said disapprovingly. “That’s not very nice.” And of course it wasn’t.
The point was it wasn’t nice. Shen Yuan had made his promise, certainly, but the one outlet he
allowed himself was in his comments online. He could be as hurtful as he wanted, there, and
everybody would just think he was a troll, and it would be fine and he would be fine.
So he ignored her, and unlocked his phone to a part of the most recent chapter that he’d
screenshotted for just this purpose, and leaned forward. “See, look? Look at how stupid this is. I
swear he just copypastes from the Baidu page for ‘business’ and calls it a day—”

“Shen Yuan, please, I’m trying to drive,” his mother said, looking over at him with an expression
of mixed reproach and fondness, and his dad had spoken up from the passenger seat where he was
texting and said, “Let your mother drive, A-Yuan,” and then.

And then.

The car in front of them slammed on the brakes. His mother wasn’t looking ahead, so she didn’t
notice.

Shen Yuan doesn’t…really remember exactly what happened, after that. He probably knocked his
head at some point. He thinks there was some blood there, but he doesn’t know if it was his own.
Mostly, he just remembers his ears ringing, and seeing his sister and brothers and his mom and his
dad covered in blood. Not breathing. No pulse. He checked. And checked again, and again, and—
and then he crawled out of the flipped car through one of the shattered windows, looked dazedly at
the cars piled up behind them, heard the screams and sobs.

“Help,” he’d rasped. “Help—help, please—please, anyone.”

Nobody came. The only thing that came was the System, a blue rectangle shimmering into life in
front of him. He’d thought he was hallucinating or something, honestly? But he’d asked, “Who are
you,” anyway.

[Wow!] the System said, turning back and forth like it was looking at the wreckage behind him.
[The Main System told me that you were born to be a villain, but this is even worse than I
expected. Good job!]

“What?” Shen Yuan asked, throat dry, barely making any noise.

[I’ve seen plenty of bloody inheritance battles in my time as a system, lots of younger children
trying to claw their way up the ranks, but killing everyone at once like this? That take guts!
And you even took out a bunch of other people in the process.]

Shen Yuan had blinked. Blinked again. Then, he shrunk back from the rectangle, eyes widening.
“No—no. No. No, it wasn’t like that. It was…it was an accident…”

[I’m not the cops, I won’t tell on you.]

“It was! I didn’t…didn’t mean, I didn’t mean to—”

[Sure, sure. Well, hey. If you didn’t ‘mean to’, how’s about this? I came here with an offer
for you. We need a villain—the scummier, the better. And if you help me out, I can grant you
any wish you want. Money, power…or your family, if that’s what you really want.]

He hadn’t even thought before agreeing. Rookie mistake. He’d always said he wouldn’t be one of
those kinds of idiots in a transmigration novel. Turns out he was worse, and now he’s stuck here,
and…and.

And he has to be Shen Qingqiu. He has to. It’s the only way he can fix everything. It’s the only
way he can get his family back.
The next event is tomorrow, and before then, he has to show his face at the banquet. Which means
he has to calm down. He has to act well. He has to keep himself under control so that he doesn’t
react to the bullying. He has to do everything he can for his family.

Maybe Luo Binghe would even understand, if he knew?

(No. He wouldn’t.

But Shen Yuan can’t get through this without lying to himself at least a little bit.)

—no way Airplane didn’t steal this plot point from a shoujo anime. What next, I invite this poor
little bun to my host club—

Despite his usual rambling internal thoughts, Shen Qingqiu’s face is completely impassive this
time as his foot presses lightly down on Luo Binghe’s shoulder, keeping him kneeling in front of
him. It’s probably intended to be humiliating, but Luo Binghe doesn’t really mind, as long as he
can still peek up at Shen Qingqiu’s thoughts.

“I told you I’d make you pay,” Shen Qingqiu finally says, the first thing he’s said since breaking
into Luo Binghe’s room and having two of his guards push Luo Binghe to the floor. “Not only did
you sully our family’s silverware, you broke a vase. Do you know how expensive it was?”

“I’m sorry,” Luo Binghe chokes out (or pretends to). “I can—I can pay for it—”

Shen Qingqiu sneers. “With what money? I’m sure the pay for our servants is generous enough—”

(It’s not, really. Luo Binghe can barely stop himself from a sneer of his own, but he has to work
even harder to suppress the snort when he sees Shen Qingqiu’s thoughts, which read, Generous my
ass.)

“—but there’s no way it’s high enough to pay for even a speck of dust under my shoe.” Shen
Qingqiu lifts his chin imperiously. “So how will you pay me back?”

It’s not even his vase, Shen Qingqiu thinks. I swear, these cannon fodder characters are all the
same.

Luo Binghe’s eyes sharpen thoughtfully. Protagonist. Acting. Character.

It’s as if…Shen Qingqiu thinks this is all just some play, or…

“I—I don’t know,” Luo Binghe says out loud, adding a tremble to his voice. “What do you want?”

Shen Qingqiu smiles. It’s nothing like that beam of his from the first day, but…as cold as it is, Luo
Binghe still finds himself thinking for a moment that he’s beautiful like this.

Even when the next thing he says is, “Simple. If you can’t pay me back with money, you’ll just
have to pay me back with your body.”
Luo Binghe almost misunderstands. His body chills, and his eyes go dark. It’s not the first time one
of these rich bastards have coveted him, out loud or silently.

But Shen Qingqiu clears it up quickly, shuddering so minutely Luo Binghe could’ve missed it if
he’d looked away once, and thinking That kind of line is always so cringey. It sounds like he’s
asking for something, like…you know. Ick.

“From now on, I’ll be making you my personal servant.” Shen Qingqiu’s smile grows even colder,
with a hint of cruelty. “Be grateful. There are plenty of people out there who would kill to have a
position under me like this. It’ll be a learning opportunity for you. Like you’re my disciple.”

“Oh,” Luo Binghe says, peering up at Shen Qingqiu, tension releasing from his body. “Thank
you?”

Shen Qingqiu uses his foot to nudge Luo Binghe’s chin up further. “You’re welcome,” he says,
saccharine-sweet. “As long as you do a good job, I’ll forget about the vase. So serve me well,
okay?”

“Yes.” Luo Binghe blinks trustingly at Shen Qingqiu. Not that he actually trusts him, even with his
strange thoughts, but it would be good for him to think he does—to think he’s just some naïve little
boy.

“I’m your master now,” Shen Qingqiu says softly, tracing the length of Luo Binghe’s neck with his
shoe. “So it’s yes, what?”

“Yes, Master,” Luo Binghe says, and watches as Shen Qingqiu swallows slowly, eyelashes dipping
to his cheeks.

[You’d better not run away again,] the blue rectangle says.

I won’t, Shen Qingqiu responds. And then, looking away for the first time, I can’t. You know that.

[It’s fine as long as you get it.]

Shen Qingqiu drops his feet to the ground and stands. “All right then,” he says. He still doesn’t
look back. “Come along then, all of you. It’s about time for lunch. Puppy, you’ll be bringing it to
me.”

Luo Binghe pauses. “Me?”

“Of course. You’re my dog now, aren’t you?”

The tips of Shen Qingqiu’s ears stain red. Luo Binghe purses his lips to keep the smile from
spreading. “Yes, Master,” he says.

Bet you Airplane was into petplay too, Shen Qingqiu thinks as he strides out of the room, Luo
Binghe at his heel.

[You get how it’s weirder that you’re thinking about that, right?]

I’m not the weird one!

Luo Binghe doesn’t bother to keep the smile from his lips anymore. No, he thinks. You’re the
strangest person I’ve ever met. Stroking his neck, the smile widens. But then, I might be strange
too.
Chapter End Notes

me writing the car crash scene while trying to dance around my car crash-related
triggers: Why Did I Write It This Way Why Did I Wr (the answer is technically that i
want to be a big baddie involves a crash and i tried to think of alternatives but this was,
frankly, the simplest. STILL HATE CAR CRASHES THO!)

anyway a lot of this fic is me attempting to dance around. implications. like frankly
both in the source material and here it is a fact that sy is aroused by the thought of
causing pain and dominating others!! it has no relation to lbh's age, he just happens to
be the system-mandated bullying target, but it is also a fact that he is presently a kid!
and i don't, uh. love that? but i also don't really see a way around it given the. whole
premise. (it's also canonical within i want to be a big baddie so) anyway since nothing
will happen while lbh is a minor one hundred percent i didn't think an underage tag
was applicable but if anybody thinks it should go up i'll do that (or if anybody thinks
there are some fic-wide warnings i should add in u_u i'm very serious about
tagging/warnings. at any rate i haven't written it yet but next chapter or the one after
should prob be the timeskip so we won't live too long with lbh being a minor here
fwiw)

p.s. does lbh think like a 13-y.o.? obviously not lol. my chosen meta to get around this
is that he's been dealing with adults' thoughts this whole time and this is one of the
ways he's changed because of it. the reality is that i have no idea what 13 y.o.s talk like
and zero interest in looking it up. =v=; also does sy sound like sy either? probably not!
the reality is that. i. just have done no research. Look I Just Wanted To Write, Weird
Shit...??? and in the pursuit of weird shit i have transcended the tethers of 'canonical
character design' and 'realism' and 'good writing' it's fine

p.p.s. yes that was an ouran reference no i feel no shame over this
 Chapter 4
Chapter Notes

cws for this chapter: food mention, specifically mention of sy eating less and forcing
his leftovers on lbh (bc he thinks he's not getting enough food otherwise), mention of
lbh getting bullied in the past, sy jokingly calls himself lbh's sugar daddy in his
thoughts, non-graphic mention of sy having to physically bully lbh to avoid ooc
deductions (including kicking, hitting, humiliation), standard nongraphic mention of sy
getting excited by the pain, sy feeling pretty bad about himself bc of all this, sy saying
he owns lbh and lbh acting like he's kind of into it?, lbh thinks it's possible that sy's
thoughts about the system are a delusion, lbh plans on putting small cameras up
around the estate and in sy's room to keep an eye on him 'in exchange' for him going to
school quietly and mentions that it's almost like sy wants to be watched

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Here’s the thing. Shen Yuan may have agreed to become a villain, but he never agreed to make it
easy. And Shen Yuan is many things, but if he’s anything?

He’s very good at making things hard for people.

He was forged in the fires of flame wars from birth, practically. Eventually only new fans ever tried
to fight against him because he infuriated them so much. He knows this. He took pride in it, in fact,
and no small amount of enjoyment.

And so, when Shen Qingqiu finishes eating—

“I’m not that hungry,” he’ll say, or, “This was barely palatable,” and of course even villains should
reduce reuse recycle, so he’ll shove the food to Luo Binghe (forcefully enough some of the
contents spill over the sides, optimally, though not too much) and say, “My leftovers are only
suitable for dogs to eat.”

Internally, he’ll think, Poor little pup, he’s skin and bones. How could anybody bear to watch him
look like that? I’ll fatten him up right away!

Or Shen Qingqiu will snort at Luo Binghe’s outfit and think he looks so cute in anything, just a
walking clothes hanger! You can totally see why all the women love him when he’s older, but out
loud he’ll say, “I won’t allow anybody near me in rags like that.” And then he’ll order someone to
take Luo Binghe shopping.

Or, the phone. After all, a kid his age has got to have a smartphone! How else will he follow his
favorite authors and fanartists on Weibo, or read his favorite webnovels, or play Love Nikki in
secret? All Shen Qingqiu has to do is toss his hair and scowl one morning when Luo Binghe comes
running and say, “Too slow. I need to be able to get in touch with you at a moment’s notice. I
entered in my number—it’s the only one you’ll need.”

Or the lessons. Luo Binghe has been homeschooled for the past couple years. The novel said it was
because he and his foster mother kept having to move from station to station, and so it was difficult
for baby Luo Binghe to have to start at new schools all the time. Added to that, he was always a
magnet for bullying because he was brilliant and cute and the protagonist who needs a sufficiently
tragic backstory, so. His foster mother gave him books for self-study, and Luo Binghe managed to
pass all the tests (again: brilliant) so although she felt terrible about it they’d kept it up.

Shen Yuan is pretty sure this is actually just because Airplane didn’t want to explain why Shen
Qingqiu could keep Luo Binghe around all the time even when they were both supposed to be at
school. What complete bullshit! It’s too cruel to keep Luo Binghe isolated like this for only this
young master for company, and anyway, this would never fly in the real world! He plans on
insisting Luo Binghe be sent to school eventually, but it’s nearly the end of the school year so that
can wait until the start of the next. For now, he just lets Luo Binghe sit in on all of his home
classes, and sometimes pretends to be lazy and make Luo Binghe do his work for him.

The System doesn’t have access to all his thoughts; there’s some kind of privacy measure in place
that means only the ones he intends for the System are heard by it. So the System doesn’t have any
evidence he’s behaving like a tsundere sugar daddy.

It’s just, you know, pretty sure anyway.

[I hate you,] it flashes in front of Shen Qingqiu while he’s attempting to gaze surreptitiously at
Luo Binghe’s cute little scrunched-up face while he reads a college-level economics textbook. [I
hate you. I hate you.]

Yeah, yeah, I get it, Shen Yuan waves it off. I’m sorry, do you have any issues with my behavior?
Has the main system issued an OOC alert?

[…No…but…]

Am I not bullying him enough for your tastes? Pervert.

While the System fills his vision with angry kaomoji, Shen Yuan casts his vision downwards,
pursing his lips.

That’s the one thing he hasn’t been able to make better for Luo Binghe.

Ultimately, Shen Qingqiu is still a villain, and he hates Luo Binghe. Elementary school insults
aren’t enough to avoid an OOC alert. He has to actually cause him pain.

He—tries not to make it too bad. He really does! He doesn’t kick or hit as hard as he can. And he
attempts not to leave too many marks—he’s seen the way Luo Binghe rubs at them when he does
with a pitiful expression on his face, and he can’t bear how it makes his heart throb with guilt, nor
the way it makes it race.

Humiliation is simpler, though it hardly makes him feel much better. He makes Luo Binghe look
foolish in front of others (but just because it will arouse their pity for him and make them into
stronger allies later)! He criticizes Luo Binghe’s attempts at cooking and cleaning, as much as he
wants to fawn over him for all his hard work. He pulls lines from the book, when he can remember
them anyway, all to make Luo Binghe feel so low that he has no option but to rise up and fight
back.

Shen Yuan hollows his heart out whenever he sees Luo Binghe’s tears and leaves feeling like a
piece of shit for later.

It’s all for them, he reminds himself. It’s for them. He’s just fixing what he broke.
But fixing what he broke by breaking somebody else is…maybe, probably kind of worse?

(That’s the kind of thought he presses down as soon as it comes up.)

His only consolation is that Luo Binghe seems to be doing okay. Actually, Shen Yuan keeps
catching him smiling, which is…admittedly…sort of strange when Shen Qingqiu has just slapped
him or told him he’s a worthless waste of space or whatever! There are moments, just a brief
moments, that Shen Yuan worries he like. Actually broke the protagonist.

But the smiles always vanish soon enough, and are replaced by the obligatory look of ‘I’m
suffering but I’m persevering and I will overcome’ or whatever. So probably Shen Yuan just
imagined it? …Repeatedly?

(See. Look. There it is again.

And, uh, there it’s gone again.

It’s probably nothing.)

“Master,” Luo Binghe whimpers. Crying on command has gotten very easy lately, with all the
practice he’s been getting. “Are you tired of me? Are you throwing me away?”

The scandalized look on Shen Qingqiu’s face is so funny Luo Binghe nearly smiles again. He
masks it quickly enough, but Luo Binghe has become very proficient in Shen Qingqiu’s
microexpressions, and his thoughts give him away besides.

What is this character setting?? Shouldn’t you be glad to get away from your tormentor? Sure, this
didn’t happen in the original, but—

[You know I still don’t approve of this,] the blue box (or the System, rather) says.

You’ve made that very clear. But this will just make his ascension all the easier! He’ll be able to,
uh, network and shit—

[That’s exactly why I don’t approve! He’s supposed to have to work for everything he gets!]

School is work. Are you saying school isn’t work? Are you looking down on the great tradition of
education? You’ve just made an enemy of students everywhere.

[Fuck, it’s so exhausting talking with you.]

Thanks.

Shen Qingqiu sneers and pushes Luo Binghe away. “Where did you learn to act so ungrateful like
this? Am I supposed to watch over you at every moment? I’m not your babysitter. If you want to be
even slightly useful to me, you need an education.”

Luo Binghe lets his lips quiver. He’s found this to be very effective in the past.

“I,” Shen Qingqiu starts, almost sounding flustered, just for a second before he regains his
equilibrium. “It’s not as though you’re not still my dog, even if you’re going to school. I still own
you. That won’t change.”

Luo Binghe looks up at Shen Qingqiu, eyes luminous. “You promise?”

[…]

…Uhhh…this…I mean I guess he’s just worried that…I mean I guess I’ve said in the past his
performance will dictate whether his mom stays at the estate or not, so maybe this is sort of, like,
he thinks I’m going to…like, something like that?

Luo Binghe’s mouth twitches at the uncharacteristically incoherent argument. The person inside
Shen Qingqiu is usually much better than this. He’s also got it all wrong, but that’s not really his
fault.

Luo Binghe wants to stay near Shen Qingqiu because it’s more interesting than being away from
him. That’s all. Frankly, it hadn’t taken long to get the gist of things. Shen Qingqiu’s internal
monologue is running nigh-constantly, and he’s been keeping Luo Binghe at his side most of the
time, so Luo Binghe has plenty of opportunity to watch Shen Qingqiu’s thoughts.

So he knows, for example, that Shen Qingqiu—or the person inside of him, rather—believes he is
in the world of a book. He knows that he is supposed to be the protagonist of that book, and Shen
Qingqiu one of its villains. He knows that the person inside Shen Qingqiu has ostensibly been
brought into this world by the blue rectangle, which Shen Qingqiu calls ‘the System’, and after
reading a couple webnovels in his spare time, he knows more or less what systems are supposed to
be.

What he doesn’t know, yet, is whether this is true or just some delusion of Shen Qingqiu’s. He
doesn’t really enjoy the thought of being subject to the whims of a plot that, by Shen Qingqiu’s
mental accounts, doesn’t even seem that good. Or, for that matter, accurate, since it doesn’t seem
to know about his ability. So he wants to be certain whether this is true, first, and if it is he needs to
stay all the closer to work out how he can destroy this System and its control over his life.

The other thing he’s not yet managed to work out is more of a personal curiosity. It’s become clear
that Shen Qingqiu, or the person in his body, is a sadist with the softest heart of nearly anyone he’s
met. He hates bullying him and likes it and hates that he likes it. It’s an amusing contradiction. But
he’s kept himself reined in tightly thus far—he won’t even allow himself to think about Luo
Binghe’s pain in any detail.

Luo Binghe wants to see what it looks like when Shen Qingqiu loses control. He wants to know
whether Shen Qingqiu’s actor is really that soft, or whether he’s just as bad as the rest inside.

Luo Binghe steps back and wipes his tears messily on his sleeve. “I understand, Master. I’ll make
sure I won’t cause you shame. I’ll be a good dog for you, as long as you promise you’ll keep me.”

Even Shen Qingqiu’s guards can’t keep a straight face at that. One of them winces and looks away
—Young Master is going to eat this kid alive—while one snorts to himself and thinks, is this what
they call puppy love? Ha.

No.

No, this is not love.

But it is, perhaps, the first time he’s felt grateful for his ability. And that’s something. Enough of
something to keep him from wanting to destroy everyone at this house for now, anyway.
“Okay,” Shen Qingqiu chokes out, while his thoughts run in marquee behind him, Uhhhhh? Um—
okay. Okay. Right. Okay. Sure? Sure, he’s just trying to protect his mom. It’s not that I made the
big protagonist into an M. Right. Yes.

[You better not have. I can’t believe the Main System hasn’t responded to my report about
this yet. Or no. What I can’t believe is that I ever picked you up, Shen Yuan. Worst decision
of my life.]

Luo Binghe smiles happily, and makes sure this time that Shen Qingqiu can see it.

Shen Yuan, he repeats mentally, and delights in how Shen Yuan shivers with every moment Luo
Binghe’s smile widens. Shen Yuan, Shen Yuan.

Shen Yuan. The name tastes good on his tongue. If he’s to keep his secret, that’s where it must
remain, but at least he’ll enjoy sucking every bit of sweetness out of it before he spits it out.

[+100 B-Points for protagonist satisfaction!] the System reads, then, [Again?!]

Huh? I didn’t even do anything this time!

[Fuck!! I’m making another report!]

Go make your report, Luo Binghe thinks, smile dropping. I won’t let your Main System or anyone
take this away from me before I’m done with it.

He licks his lips. Shen Yuan can send him to school, that’s fine, but he clearly still needs someone
to keep an eye on him.

He’s been saving, lately.

He’s pretty sure he has enough for cameras small enough to be hidden around the estate, and he’s
pretty sure Shen Yuan won’t question him if he asks to be let into his room. Shen Yuan’s thoughts
are probably even less restrained when he’s alone, right?

He wants to see it.

He wants to see Shen Yuan’s true face.

Luo Binghe will just take it as repayment for not refusing to be sent away. It’s only fair.

“Master,” he says softly. “Could I maybe have the afternoon to go get some supplies for school, if
I’m to go?”

Some of the tension in Shen Yuan’s shoulders relaxes. See? He was making a fuss, but now he
wants to go off on his own. Look at them, they grow up so fast…

[Hm. I guess.]

Shen Yuan sniffs, considering, then gestures to the guards. “Give him some money. You’ll only
make the Shen family look bad if you show up to school without anything like the pauper you
are.”

“Thank you, Master,” Luo Binghe murmurs.

What a kind Master he has, to make things so easy for him. It’s almost like he wants to be watched.
 And maybe he does. Maybe he’d find it an honor, to occupy the thoughts of his favorite
protagonist.

Or not. Luo Binghe doesn't really care, in the end.

Chapter End Notes

this chapter had a lot of false starts before i could get it going and when i finally did
lbh ended up more yan than i expected him to be at 13! it's fiiiiine though he's just
going through his chuuni phase or something,,, anyway this is not the timeskip i
expected to write but it shoulddddd happen next chapter. unless it doesn't and then it
won't! (they say helpfully) look i'm flying by the seat of my pants always i never know
what i'm about to write really. but it'll happen soon i think is my point

the line about airplane not wanting to explain why lbh and sy weren't at school is
actually just me poking fun at myself. i was just gonna say summer break but i
think...summer breaks are shorter in china? and i didn't want to look up. how. short lol.
so i didn't and made a convoluted explanation that i then summarily reversed and this
was somehow less complicated than doing a google (it wasn't but that's ok)

i also probably could have looked up common apps on chinese phones. i know
there's...the game with the...lanes? that's popular? but the first thing that came to mind
was love nikki and really isn't the idea of sy covertly whaling for nikki charming. you
know he'd be so particular about the clothing combos. go through the gallery of other
players and roast their skills in his pajamas. also technically the app has a different
name in chinese app stores but i didn't know if people would get it if i called it
Nikkiup2u3 or w/e
 Chapter 5
Chapter Notes

cws in this chapter: sy has anxiety about lbh being out of his sight at school, mention
of sqq manhandling lbh by the throat a bit and threatening him vaguely, sy worries if
he left bruises from that people will think lbh is being abused (and then excuses
himself by saying it's not EXACTLY like that), sy thinks that he's the only one that
can hurt lbh and immediately freaks out about the thought, he bites his thumbnails
down far enough to draw blood, blood mention, sy gets possessive over the protagonist
and angry at the thought of someone else leaving bruises/marks on him, sy tries to
reassure himself that he's a good person and then has an anxiety attack thinking about
the car crash, mention of sqq being neglected in the home, lbh was watching sy on the
cameras during all this and enjoys that sy wanted to follow him and that he needs him
there to be stable, mention of lbh in the past being bullied and then following and
hitting his bullies until they left him alone, lbh doesn't want sy to put his family first
and wants to see what it would be like if he makes sy fully obsessed with him only and
plans to lie about being bullied in an attempt to get sy to protect him and ultimately
manipulate sy into letting him cook and clean and into loving him

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Do you think he’s doing all right? Do you think anybody is being mean to him? Maybe I should
check up on him a bit, just in case. Just walk by the school, maybe, to make sure it’s safe, and
there’s no, uh—like big dangers or—I don’t know. Godzilla?

[I didn’t think it would be possible for you to be worse when he was gone,] the System says. It
doesn’t have a voice, but Shen Yuan thinks he can read despair from the text all the same. It makes
him feel a bit happy, honestly. [But I was wrong. Bring him back. I’ll listen to you ramble
about his silky curls for an hour if you stop implying this non-supernatural world has a
Godzilla just so that you have an excuse to stalk the poor boy.]

It's not stalking, Shen Yuan protests, wiggling around on his bed. He’s taking his lunch break in
his room today so that he doesn’t have to pretend to act normal when he’s so worried. I’m a
concerned citizen.

[Okay. Then by all means, go to the school and tell them that you are checking for
catastrophic reptiles. Do it. I want to see the disgust on their faces.]

You don’t know how to take a joke, Shen Yuan complains, rolling on the bed some more. It’s not
like I can go anyway.

[At least you know that much.]

Shen Yuan takes one of his pillows in his arms and hugs it, sighing into the fabric. He wishes…
well, he wishes a lot of things, but right now he wishes when Luo Binghe had left for the day he
could have given him a big hug and a ruffle of his hair and that he could tell him that he was going
to do great. That this was all just so that one day he could have all the money and love and
attention he wanted, and nobody would dare to look down on him again, and it would be like all of
the bad stuff from his childhood was just a dream.

It would have been nice if it was like that. Instead, he passed by him like it was a coincidence, and
his lips curled, and he said, “Finally, I’ll get a break from you.” And then he pulled him in by his
neck, and brought him close enough that they were nearly pressed against one another, and he said,
“You know what I’ll do to you if you disappoint me, right?”

So dumb. All of his dialogue as Shen Qingqiu is so dumb.

Luo Binghe, that sweet little bun, just licked his lips and looked up at Shen Qingqiu with a dazed
expression and said, “I know, Master. I won’t disappoint you.”

“Of course not,” Shen Yuan said, and pushed him away—just hard enough that Luo Binghe
stumbled, but it was still by the neck, so Shen Yuan hopes he didn’t hurt him too much or
anything? He was rubbing his neck again, when he left, so probably he misjudged his strength a
little.

And all that on his first day in a new school. Fuck. He better not have left bruises. Everyone would
get a bad idea about what was happening at home—well, they’d sort of be right actually, but not
really—and it would make him look like an easy target to the bullies…

Shen Yuan bites his thumbnail, thinking. Maybe he should have thought over the school thing
more. It’s too far away. He can’t protect him there. What if someone hurts him?

Nobody else is allowed to hurt him, comes an unexpectedly vicious thought, and Shen Yuan
physically reels back from the pillow, eyes open wide.

That—no. No. He’s not doing this. He’s not letting himself be like this.

It’s just because if…if anybody else hurts him, they won’t be as nice to him about it, is all. They
won’t hold back. They could leave marks…

The thought of it makes Shen Yuan bite down on his thumb so harshly he realizes a few moments
later, when it drips onto the pillow, that he’s drawn blood.

He licks it away in a hurry so it doesn’t make even more of a mess, then just stares at it,
bewildered.

Why had that bothered him, to think of somebody else doing it…

Because that’s his job. He’s the villain. Luo Binghe is his responsibility, his to raise, his
protagonist—

Shen Yuan curls up, gnawing on his thumb again, eyes blank. No. He’s just a visitor in this world.
Luo Binghe isn’t his. He doesn’t think that. He doesn’t want to hurt him. He promised he
wouldn’t. He’s a good person.

His bloodied thumb falls from his lips.

What the fuck is he thinking? Of course he’s not a good person.

Murderer.

Flashes of the car crash swim through his mind. Shen Yuan curls up further, scrunching up his
face. Stop. Stop stop stop. He’s going to fix it. He’s going to FIX IT. It’s fine!!! It’s fine and he’s
fine and everything’s fine, so stop.

He breathes slow, in out in out, and eventually manages to wrest himself back under control. With
dispassionate eyes, he goes to his bathroom, runs his thumb under the faucet, and gets out the tube
of antibiotic ointment he keeps there for this purpose. He needs to stop doing this, he thinks,
emotions numb, thumb stinging. Shen Qingqiu doesn’t bite his nails. He doesn’t want to lose
points just because he can’t keep everything down like he’s supposed to.

When he leaves the room to return to his lessons, he’s back to normal, and his thumb is bandaged.
Nobody will ask about it, just like they haven’t the past few times this has happened. Nobody
really cares about him in this household, after all.

He takes a few more deep breaths and waits for the end of the school day. All of this seems a little
bit easier when he’s close, somehow…when he’s close and Shen Yuan knows that he’s safe.

Or. As safe as he can be next to Shen Yuan, at least.

“Did something good happen while you were at lunch?” one of the annoying little girls that have
been harassing him since he introduced himself in the morning asks.

He doesn’t particularly want to answer. He doesn’t particularly want to be here at all. But it had
been something Shen Yuan arranged for him, and he said not to disappoint him. Plus, Luo Binghe
is still in a good mood from earlier, so his smile is only partly fake. “I guess you could say that,” he
says cheerfully. “I was watching videos on my phone, and I saw something fun, is all.”

Another one pipes up, “Oh! What’s the video? Can we see?”

His hand grasps his phone in his pocket tightly. Probably too tight. He doesn’t want to break Shen
Yuan's present. His smile grows wider even as his eyes grow colder. “No.”

The girls flounder. “Oh…uh…”

“Class is about to start, after all.” He tilts his head. His smile stays. “I wouldn’t want to disrupt
everyone.”

“Oh. Right, of course!” Why did I think he was kind of scary for a second? the girl thinks. He’s so
cute and polite! Like a little puppy!

The smile drops instantly.

None of these people get to call him that. Not even in their thoughts. Not one of them is interesting
enough. None of them are kind enough. None of them would think to follow him to make sure he
was all right, none of them would worry about how they treated him hours after it happened. None
of them need him there like Shen Yuan needs him.

“I think I heard the teacher,” he lies. “I’m going to go to my seat.”

He doesn’t wait for their response, or check to see what they think of him after. He doesn’t care
what they think. Only his Master, only his Shen Yuan…
Luo Binghe keeps thinking about what he’d seen on the cameras all through the rest of the day. He
doesn’t really need to pay attention to class, after all; he already knows all of this elementary shit.
He just strokes his neck until he imagines it turning red, right where he can still feel the ghost of
hands from this morning, and thinks about Shen Yuan.

He was right about Shen Yuan being less careful in his bedroom. His gaze softens just thinking
about how he rolled about on his bed like a cat playing in the blankets. Cute. And he wanted to be
close, like Luo Binghe…wanted to keep him, like Luo Binghe…

Luo Binghe knows he’s not really normal anymore. He knows a lot of the kids that bullied him
were scared of him, scared of the way he stared at them while they hit him. He knows that they
were scared when he followed them to somewhere they expected they were safe and then hit them
until they wouldn’t hurt him anymore.

It’s the first time, though, that he’s encountered someone as much like him like this. Shen Yuan
feels much more guilt about it, of course, and that stupid System is keeping him on a leash. But if
that weren’t the case, Luo Binghe thinks Shen Yuan might be here right now. Maybe he’d have
installed cameras in the classroom, just to keep an eye on him…just to keep him safe…

Maybe. Maybe, if it were him. Maybe, Shen Yuan might understand Luo Binghe.

Not everything. Shen Yuan can’t read thoughts. But…the loneliness, the separation from everyone.
The way people look at you when they feel, instinctively, that you could hurt them…when they
realize you’re not like them…

Luo Binghe scratches his neck lightly and takes a shaky breath. Maybe. He has no way of
knowing, not when he can’t tell Shen Yuan about his abilities. Not when Shen Yuan still thinks
he’s an innocent child that needs protection from the world. Luo Binghe can’t tell him about that.

And he doesn’t want to, really. He wants more, longer, of feeling like someone wants to protect
him. And not out of pity, not out of obligation, but—because they want to, because they believe in
him.

But he’s getting ahead of himself. He considers what Shen Yuan was thinking prior to his anxiety
attack. The car crash, the insistence that he would fix things.

The corners of his lips turn down. Ultimately, it appears that Shen Yuan is here not because of
him, but to play the tragic hero for his family. It’s understandable, given what Luo Binghe knows
of his character, but it’s also…unfortunate.

Luo Binghe has been thinking that he wants to see Shen Yuan break down and lose control. He still
does. But now he’s also thinking that he would like to see a Shen Yuan who puts Luo Binghe first
—and not the Luo Binghe of his silly little stories, but the real Luo Binghe. He wants to see what
it’s like when Shen Yuan’s entire world is consumed by him.

What would it feel like then, to be cared for by him?

What would it feel like to be loved by a man who loved his family so much he gave up his
principles to save them?

Luo Binghe feels something odd and fever-hot settle inside him and accidentally scratches too hard
at his neck. It doesn’t hurt, but people will be able to see the pink marks on his skin.

Good.
 Perhaps he’ll go home and tell Shen Yuan someone bullied him. He could even say it was one of
these pesky girls, that they got too close and wouldn’t leave him alone, and when he tried to leave
one of them swiped out and left their mark. He’ll cry, and say he’s sorry that he let Shen Qingqiu
down…that he’s too weak, not good enough to be Shen Qingqiu’s dog…

And if Shen Yuan is the person Luo Binghe knows he is, he’ll get mad, and he’ll punish them for
Luo Binghe without asking too many questions, just because they left their mark on what was his.
He’ll protect Luo Binghe.

And then Luo Binghe can use his gratitude as an excuse to get even closer. He can offer to make
him food, to clean his room, to use him however he likes. He’ll take over so much of Shen Yuan’s
life that Shen Yuan won’t even remember how to live without him.

Shen Yuan doesn’t love Luo Binghe right now. He cares, but he doesn’t love him.

But Luo Binghe is going to make sure that changes.

Chapter End Notes

this is...always going darker than i anticipated XD;; WHOOPS! eagle-eyed viewers
may note i replaced the 'slight yandere' tag with a plain ol' 'yandere' tag and adjusted
the color of lbh's lotus, as it were. for the sake of. accuracy. =v=; at least writing this
chapter went smoother than the last! guess it's quicker to churn out a pair of slightly
troubling mental monologues??

timeskip will start at the beginning of next chapter, fair warning! but like. actually this
time. i know i keep SAYING it'll happen but it'll actually happen lol. i really am trying
not to let this balloon outta control ;v; but yes by the next chapter luo binghe will be
Of Age and 'wouldn't it be interesting if this guy was obsessed with me' will be 'i am
obsessed with this guy and i want him to raw me into the ground pretty pretty
PRETTY please :( ' so hopefully that transition will go ok =v=

p.s. i am doing my best to respond to all comments at the moment! butttt based off of
historical data at some point i will probably stop (oftentimes a bit after i finish
publishing the fic, but sometimes during depending on how i'm feeling) so i will keep
doing my best but for the record even if i don't respond i always read comments,
they're sent to my email inbox and i very much appreciate all of them! also even when
i've stopped i do try to answer questions. anyway yes either way thank you to everyone
who has commented, i really do appreciate that you take the time!

p.p.s. i do not know why godzilla. i have never watched a godzilla. he was simply the
first random excuse that popped into my head sorry godzilla xoxo
 Chapter 6
Chapter Notes

cws for this chapter (please note these cws are worse than previous chapter; if you
don't read these long things but want a tl;dr, there is noncon voyeurism and a lot
of manipulation on lbh's part (including manipulation that leads to some dubcon
touching)--continue reading near the end for more information if needed):
mention of continued muted violence from sqq towards lbh, minor character death
(lbh's foster mother) due to terminal illness--in the present it's a few years back but
there's a flashback to it, description of lbh's resulting grief, sy nearly gets himself
killed by rapidly losing points via ooc violation so that he can hug lbh, lbh's grief sort
of influences him realizing he loves sy (like, 'i've lost everything but oh wait now i still
have this but i ONLY have this and i can't lose this') which is obv not a healthy way to
deal with grief but like nothing about lbh in this fic is healthy, lbh manipulates his way
into becoming one of the only people in sy's life and wants to do so until sy doesn't
need anybody else which is, you know, isolating, also v unhealthy, continued mention
of lbh having cameras set up to watch sy including when he's sleeping, lbh briefly
touches sy while he's sleeping (just on the face but), sqq continuing to insult lbh, lbh
has taken advantage of sy not knowing what an attendant would do to do things to him
that aren't actually an attendant's job (like blotting his lips for him and, later, dressing
him), mention of lbh messing with the heating in sy's room so he would sleep in less
clothes and then taking advantage of that to arouse sy by kneeling at his feet and
'accidentally' nosing at and kissing his thighs, sy kicks lbh hard enough that lbh thinks
there might be a bruise (which he is into), lbh watches sy jerking off in the shower on
one of the cameras and jerks off alongside then marks the clothes sy is going to wear
with his come (this is all not consensual; it's a brief scene but nonetheless. if you need
to skip this scene it runs from "luo binghe listens to the shower running" to "when
shen yuan comes out of the shower")

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Luo Binghe wakes every morning to the sweet voice of his master telling him to get his ass out of
bed.

It is, unfortunately, not a live rendition. The clip is a voice recording he had coaxed out of the man
by pretending to sleep in. He’d seen Shen Yuan thinking wistfully that he had never managed to
wake up before Luo Binghe, so he’d never seen his precious sleeping face. For the low price of
being pulled unceremoniously out of the bed (onto some pillows Shen Yuan had ‘accidentally’
kicked onto the floor beforehand), Luo Binghe had obtained footage of the entire event, a new
alarm, and his master’s satisfaction. A good deal.

The room is silent after the alarm turns off. Once, he might’ve heard his foster mother bustling
about, but she’d passed away three years ago. He still misses her, all the time, but at least there was
something to be gained from the aftermath of her passing as well.

After all, it was only after she died that Luo Binghe realized how much he loved Shen Yuan.
Luo Binghe had known she was close to death for months prior to her final day. After his master
heard she was gone for a doctor’s appointment because she had been feeling under the weather
lately, all color left his face, and he hadn’t even been able to muster an insult.

Oh no. Fuck. Fuck, I thought—maybe I could—since their finances were better and I made sure
that she didn’t have to work as much—

Another quiet way in which Shen Yuan had protected him that he hadn’t even known about;
perhaps it was an order made before Luo Binghe began his surveillance. His heart lurched in an
increasingly familiar way.

I’m just asking for, uh, for just because, but. There’s…there’s not any way to keep his mom from
dying, is there?

Luo Binghe’s eyes had widened.

[Of course not. It’s an important motivator for him.]

You’re a real asshole.

[I’m an artificial asshole, technically.]

Luo Binghe couldn’t even concentrate on the banter. Shen Qingqiu told him that if he was going to
be absentminded he could just leave, but Shen Yuan thought, He’ll probably find out soon. I want
to give them as much time together as I can.

And, just as Shen Yuan had predicted, his mother came home that day with tears streaming down
her face and a terminal diagnosis. Luo Binghe had already been fairly certain by that point that
Shen Yuan’s transmigration was real, but now he knew for sure. From Shen Yuan’s thoughts, he
also knew that the ‘dumbass author’ had given his foster mother a round three months from the day
of this diagnosis.

He spent those three months attending to her as much as possible. Shen Qingqiu let him, claiming
he just brought down the mood.

She passed peacefully. Luo Binghe cried for her, the first person to ever truly care about him, and
the only person he ever truly loved.

At the funeral—paid for entirely by the Shen family, which Luo Binghe knew had Shen Yuan’s
writing all over it—Luo Binghe sat dully by long after everyone else had left. He couldn’t cry, even
though he saw the thoughts of people wondering if he was heartless. He wondered if he was too.
Maybe it had died with him.

He was startled when someone sat down next to him on the floor, but all he could manage was to
turn his face numbly.

Shen Qingqiu. Shen Yuan. He wasn’t looking at him, face impassive, but inside his thoughts a war
was ranging.

[Shen Qingqiu would never do this! He would be happy to see Luo Binghe in pain! We’ve
been over this SO many times and you still—]

Shen Qingqiu’s mother died when he was young, Shen Yuan protested. He didn’t know her, but he
does wish he did. Chapter 118 says—
[Don’t fucking quote chapters at me! I know exactly what the book says! That doesn’t mean
he would set aside his hatred for Luo Binghe for this. Quote me the chapter where Shen
Qingqiu sits by Luo Binghe’s side at the funeral. Do it. Fucking try. You can’t, it doesn’t
happen—]

But—

[-10 B-points for a minor OOC violation!]

[HAH! See!]

It said minor, Shen Yuan countered, and still didn’t move. I’m giving the villain some emotional
depth, dipshit. Just because Airplane was a hack author doesn’t mean I can’t make things better.

[You’re not supposed to make things better! You’re supposed to make things WORSE!]

Shen Yuan stayed. His deeper thoughts, the ones he keeps from the system, read, I wish I could
give him a hug. Nobody has even tried to touch him. With her gone, who will be there to give him
hugs when he needs them?

You know what, actually.

Fuck it.

He reached out suddenly and drew Luo Binghe into a hug.

Luo Binghe’s heart seized. “Wh…what…” he stammered.

[-50 B-points for a moderate OOC violation!]

[What! The! Fuck!!!]

Shen Yuan hugged him harder. His body was firm against Luo Binghe’s, in a way Luo Binghe had
never really felt or thought about but found oddly comforting all the same. And then Shen Yuan
started to stroke his hair, and Luo Binghe couldn’t stop the shudder that runs through his body.

This.

He wanted—he wanted more of this.

He wanted—

[-50 B-points for a moderate OOC violation!]

[-50 B-points for a moderate OOC violation!]

[-100 B-points for a major OOC violation!]

[-100 B-points for a major OOC violation!]

[You need to stop. You need to stop right now.] The System was uncharacteristically serious. [I
don’t even care what you’re trying to do. You don’t have the B-Points for this. You’ve been
saving all this time and you only have 205 left. And if you get down to 0…]

[-100 B-points for a major OOC violation!]

[-100 B-points for a major OOC violation!]

Luo Binghe gasped and shoved Shen Yuan away. He didn’t know what happened when he got to 0,
back then at least, but…whatever it is, it wasn’t worth it. Even if he could still feel the warmth
everywhere Shen Yuan touched…

Shen Yuan stared at him a moment longer, then looked away. I guess that was too much from
someone who he hates, huh.

Someone…who he hates?

Is that what Shen Yuan thought he was to Luo Binghe?

Luo Binghe knew that’s what the System was aiming for. He’s supposed to hate him enough that it
kickstarted his growth, or whatever. But he didn’t. He never has. To Luo Binghe, Shen Yuan was
someone who was his, someone he wanted, someone—he needed—

The heart he’d thought might be gone thumped, then thumped harder, so much that Luo Binghe
could feel it thudding in his ears. Time seems to slow down as he watched Shen Yuan.

Yes. Someone I need.

If Shen Yuan weren’t here, Luo Binghe would really have had nothing left. This person whose
entire existence here was for him—this person who cared for him, who risked everything just to
give him a hug. This person. His master, his Shen Yuan.

His heart.

He’d been treating all of this like a game, not wondering why he wanted Shen Yuan so much, not
even questioning his burning need to have the man revolve around him fully. But it was because
his life already revolved around Shen Yuan, wasn’t it? Perhaps it always had. Perhaps—he was
only born for this reason, only given this ability to know Shen Yuan—

Perhaps, he was made just to love Shen Yuan.

And once he put a name to it, to that feeling filling his chest, everything slotted into place. Yes.
Yes, he loved Shen Yuan. He wanted to possess Shen Yuan because Shen Yuan already had him in
his entirety. He wanted Shen Yuan to love him because he was already taken, body and soul.

[+1000 B-points for protagonist satisfaction!]

[…???????????]

[Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations! Important th—]

[?!?!?!?!?! What the FUCK is going on.]

I don’t know, you’re the system. Maybe it’s congratulating me for the, uh, the emotional depth…
thing…? But Shen Yuan looked just as confused, blinking dopily while he peered at Luo Binghe.

Luo Binghe just beamed at him, tears filling his eyes. This time he was the one to hug Shen Yuan.
“Thank you, Master,” he murmured. I love you, I love you, I love you, my master, my Shen Yuan,
my everything. I love you.

“I—get off of me!” Shen Yuan pushed Luo Binghe away and stood up, clearly flustered. See? No
more violations. I’m being good. And then, privately, Holy shit protagonist hug!!? What a good
sweet bun, hugging me back even though he doesn’t want to.

Hm. Luo Binghe would have to fix that, somehow—find a way to show Shen Yuan that he did
want to, that he wanted to more than anything. That he never wanted to let go ever again.

But in the meantime, he smiled placidly and looked down, hiding the fervor written in his
expression. “Yes, Master. Sorry, Master.”

It wasn’t a game anymore. He wouldn’t be good to Shen Yuan to try to make him love him, just to
see what it felt like. He would be good to Shen Yuan because he needed Shen Yuan to love him
back, and because he loved Shen Yuan in return. He would be so good to Shen Yuan that Shen
Yuan wouldn’t need anything from anyone else—not from the System, not from his family. Just
Luo Binghe. Only ever Luo Binghe.

It was only fair, now that Luo Binghe only had Shen Yuan too.

He’d resolved as much back then, and was proud to say that he had truly integrated into every part
of Shen Yuan’s life he could manage. He was the only one to make his master’s food. He was the
only one to clean his master’s room. Master still kept those pesky guards around, but Luo Binghe
had worked tirelessly to improve his physical condition so that one day he could replace them too.
He’d started a company, as his master had predicted all along, though less out of an interest in
business world supremacy and more so that he would have the power and capital to keep his master
in the comfortable life to which he was accustomed. It was going well.

Everything, in fact, was going well.

Luo Binghe hums happily as he logs into his computer to check the camera feeds from last night.
This is another part of his daily morning routine, and one of his favorites. He wakes up an hour
early to watch the sped-up footage of his master sleeping. It wouldn’t do to miss any part of his
master’s life, and besides, he’s so cute when he’s at rest.

He watches every wrinkle of his nose, every toss and turn, every twitch of his lips, and feels the
savage thing in him demanding he be close to Shen Yuan calm somewhat. Then, he prints out his
favorite still from the footage and adds it to the binder he keeps for this purpose. He locks the
binder back up in the safe in his room with all the rest and takes a deep breath.

Right. Time to get ready. He wants to try a new recipe for his master’s breakfast this morning.

Once everything is perfect, he knocks on the door to Shen Yuan’s room. This is solely out of
courtesy—Luo Binghe has the keys to his room, and anyway, Shen Yuan finds it very difficult to
wake up without his help—but he waits a few moments anyway.

Luo Binghe unlocks the door, hefting the tray of food on one hand expertly, and walks in. He sets
the tray down on the small round table in the corner of the room, then walks back over to the bed.

He’ll never get enough of the sight of his master. It’s even better than over the cameras. Luo
Binghe sighs softly, ghosting his knuckles over his master’s high cheekbones.

He wonders, sometimes, what Shen Yuan actually looks like. Shen Qingqiu is attractive, all
willowy and sharp, but ultimately his master is wearing someone else’s skin. He’s fine with that for
now as long as the person within that body is Shen Yuan, but he does want to see his true master.
He thinks he’ll be able to manage it soon. He’s been practicing something. His heart rate quickens
at the thought, breathing going heavy, but he gets himself under control quickly enough.

Now’s not the time. Not yet. Today’s too important.

Withdrawing his hands, he calls out, “Master.”

Shen Yuan’s brows draw together. His lips smack.

Cute. Too cute.

“Master, it’s time to wake up.” Carefully, Luo Binghe sends out a tendril of his mind to brush
against Shen Yuan’s, teasing, like a feather on the edges of his consciousness.

Shen Yuan shoots up with some incomprehensible, “Bwhahuh?” He’s panting a bit, eyes wild, but
he settles quickly.

Luo Binghe has to calm himself again. Shen Yuan, panting, hair disheveled, is always a sight. He
doesn’t show anything on his face, though, nothing but a bright smile. “Awake now, Master?”

I don’t know what he does to make me wake up, Shen Yuan thinks, patting his hair down
distractedly. Feels like getting electrocuted. Do you think he electrocutes me?

[I am fairly certain he does not electrocute you,] the System prints wearily. [Face on, Shen
Qingqiu.]

Remembering himself, Shen Yuan adopts a stern look. “What do you have to smile about?”

“Nothing, Master.”

Everything, when they’re together.

[+10 B-points for protagonist satisfaction!]

[I’m not even surprised by how broken the points system is now. It gives out that shit like
candy.]

Let me guess, you sent a report about it? Shen Yuan yawns, holding out his hand instinctively. Luo
Binghe puts his phone in it, delighting that he relies on him for even so small a thing. (He’s trained
him for it, of course, but still.)

[I’ve set a report to automatically send every five seconds.]

What do you even say in those things?

[You know. Standard shit. Save me, what did I do to be consigned to this hell, if you respond
to this with that automated ‘we’re looking into it please stand by’ message again I’m going to
sign you chucklefucks up for every spam list in the known universe.] It blinks silently a
moment. [Which might be more effective as a threat if I hadn’t already done it. My creativity
has been stifled lately.]

Poor thing.

[I am, aren’t I?]

Luo Binghe interrupts their repartee by gently reminding, “Master, your breakfast is on the table. I
made something new today.”

Shen Yuan sniffs. “I suppose I’ll try it.” He gets up out of bed and stumbles slightly over the
blankets that have piled on the ground while he was sleeping.

Luo Binghe, of course, catches him.

“Please be careful, Master,” he says lowly, swallowing at the feeling of the slight body against his.
His hands flex slightly. “It would be unfortunate if you were hurt.”

It wouldn’t be unfortunate. It would be intolerable.

But it’s all right. Luo Binghe won’t let it happen.

Shen Yuan slaps his hands away, ears flushing. “I don’t need to hear that from you. And don’t put
your hands on me unless it is necessary.”

Luo Binghe bows and steps back, though he makes sure he looks suitably downtrodden about it,
like a kicked puppy. “Of course.”

Was that like…a threat? Shen Yuan asks as he sits down and elegantly shakes out the napkin over
his lap. That kind of line is always a threat in stories, right? But my sweet little pup wouldn’t do
that…

[I know your brain is inferior to that of a flea’s, but we’re clear that he’s supposed to do that,
right?]

Yeah…I guess.

The happiness of Shen Yuan calling him his pup is overshadowed by the instant rage at the
System’s proposition. Luo Binghe masks his sneer. He would never. Stupid System, always
putting thoughts in Shen Yuan’s head that shouldn’t be there. He can’t wait until it’s gone.

Shen Yuan finishes his meal with no other incident. Luo Binghe dutifully dabs at Shen Yuan’s lips,
and Shen Yuan lets him.

It is very helpful, sometimes, that Shen Yuan really doesn’t know what normal attendants are
supposed to do.

“It was adequate,” Shen Yuan says when he’s done. Adequate? Tsk tsk, Shen Qingqiu, you
tsundere. It was fucking amazing! How is everything he makes touched by the gods? Is it just the
protagonist halo? “You may add this to your normal rotation.” Please please please please.

Luo Binghe brightens. “I am happy if Master is pleased!”

He is only happy if his master is pleased. But he’ll always make sure he is.

“Right then,” Shen Yuan says, as if it’s just occurred to him, as though it hasn’t been on his mind
all morning. “Today’s your birthday, right?”

“It is!” Luo Binghe beams even brighter. “You’re so kind, to remember the birthday of your
humble dog.”

Shen Yuan winces almost imperceptibly. He keeps saying it…Shen Qingqiu had already more or
less tossed him to the side by this point so it didn’t matter, but to hear the eighteen-year-old
protagonist call himself a dog so cheerfully…the original goods really was scum.

It’s not that Luo Binghe is cheerful about being a dog, in particular. Mostly he’s just pleased to be
Shen Yuan’s. But it is also sort of amusing to see the guilt Shen Yuan feels over it—and arousing
to see how his breath catches when he hears it.

“It isn’t kindness,” Shen Yuan says coldly, standing and striding close to Luo Binghe. Luo Binghe
is tall enough now that he has to look up a bit. “Knowledge is control. And as your master, I
control you. That’s all.”

Luo Binghe bites his lip, looking down at Shen Yuan with luminous eyes, then whispers, “Yes,
Master.”

Maybe Shen Yuan will think he’s scared, or angry. For now, he supposes that’s to his benefit—
Shen Yuan won’t think to look at his crotch, to see how his dick twitches in his pants at the
thought of Shen Yuan controlling him.

Shen Yuan purses his lips, then turns away. “I’ve arranged for your gift to be sent to your room, so
be sure to tell the staff I treat you well. Rumors have been spreading again lately.”

They have. Luo Binghe’s favorite is the rumor that Shen Qingqiu has a secret sex dungeon that he
uses to do unspeakable things to his dog. His other favorite is that Shen Qingqiu has secret feelings
for his attendant, mostly because that was one he himself had leaked anonymously in an attempt to
keep flies from his master.

“Thank you! I definitely will!” Luo Binghe drops to his knees, nuzzling against Shen Yuan’s legs
in the process, light enough that Shen Yuan might think it a mistake. “Thank you, Master.”

Shen Yuan’s cheeks pink.

Was he this accommodating in the book? He licks his lips, shifting his feet. He’s gotten so much
bigger. To still be on his knees like this…is…it’s too…

This time, more intentionally, Luo Binghe noses against Shen Yuan’s thigh, looking up trustingly.
“Is there anything else I can do to repay you, Master?”

Shen Yuan stops breathing.

Luo Binghe hides his smile against Shen Yuan’s thigh. It had been a good idea to turn up the heat
in his room these past few days; Shen Yuan is only wearing an oversized shirt and briefs. With his
lips still against Shen Yuan’s skin, he mumbles, “Anything…anything at all…”

W-w-why…

Why…

Why is he pulling out lines from pornos now! When did this novel change genres!

Luo Binghe would very much like if this was a porno. He can see Shen Yuan’s underwear from
this position, and he can see Shen Yuan’s cock thickening inside. He continues blinking slowly up
at Shen Yuan, letting his tongue slowly come out to swipe against his lips.

This ends up rebooting Shen Yuan’s brain. He violently jerks away, kicking Luo Binghe in the
sternum, a bit harder than usual. “Get the fuck off,” he snarls. “I said it was a gift. I don’t need
anything from you.”

Luo Binghe caresses his sternum, looking suitably hurt for theatrical effect but rejoicing mentally
in the thought that Shen Yuan might have left a bruise. “I’m sorry, Master. What did I do?”

“You know what you did,” Shen Yuan says, which in fairness Luo Binghe does. “I’m going to
wash up. You’ll make me late with all your nonsense.”

Inside, he’s shrieking, Aaaaaaaah! What! What the hell! What! When did my sweet little bun get so
—so seductive! I mean—not for me, obviously, but anybody would get aroused seeing him like that,
even if they’re straight…

Luo Binghe smiles as soon as Shen Yuan can no longer see him. Oh, his sweet, shy master. Soon
enough he’ll know he’ll know Luo Binghe’s everything is for him, and he’ll know he doesn’t have
to hide from him.

And eventually, he’ll know he can’t hide.

Chuckling quietly, Luo Binghe heads towards Shen Yuan’s closet to pick out his clothes. He
already has an idea in mind—something a bit dressier, for his birthday, though it’s selfish of him…

Luo Binghe listens to the shower running. The shower is near the closet, and Shen Yuan probably
doesn’t realize that from inside Luo Binghe can hear the beginnings of muted noises.

Ah, his master truly is kind after all. He’s prepared him another gift, so early in the day.

He pulls out his phone from his pocket, plugs in the headphones, and navigates to the bathroom
camera. He could wait to watch the replay until later in the day, but…

It’s his birthday, and he’s already been such a good dog, to control himself for so long when his
master seduces him with every move he makes. Making his decision, he zips open his pants and
takes himself out from his briefs.

It doesn’t take long for him to come, not with Shen Yuan’s gift playing in his ears. He carefully
anoints the clothes he’s chosen for Shen Yuan with a few small dots of his come. It’s not enough
for Shen Yuan to notice—he never has before, anyway—just enough for him to know he’s made
his mark.

When Shen Yuan comes out of the shower, flushed and incapable of making eye contact with Luo
Binghe, Luo Binghe pats his bed. “All right, Master. Let’s get you ready.”

At first, Shen Yuan had protested Luo Binghe dressing him. He said he wasn’t a child. But Luo
Binghe had told him this was an attendant’s job.

Shen Yuan, the real Shen Yuan, had never had an attendant in his world, and didn’t know enough
about this one. He was also too easily embarrassed to ask anybody about something that could be
common sense. He gave in, eventually.

His sweet, obedient master.

Shen Yuan had unfortunately never conceded on the underwear. But everything else, Luo Binghe
gets to put on his master, kneeling before him, his own daily worship session before the only god
he cares about.

“All done,” he says after, smoothing the lines of his shirt straight. “Ready to go?”
 Shen Yuan scoffs. “Isn’t it your job to know that?”

Luo Binghe smiles until his eyes form crescents, joy blooming in his heart.

[+30 B-points for protagonist satisfaction!]

“Yes, Master. We’re ready.”

It’s been a perfect morning, he reflects as they walk out together, him one step behind Shen Yuan.
Not that it’s been different from any other morning, not much anyway, but—every morning with
Shen Yuan is perfect.

The rest of the day will be perfect too.

He just knows it.

Chapter End Notes

this chapter is longer than the others by, uhhh, about two times! i tried to find a place
to split it but couldn't since this is all Luo Binghe's All Good Very Great Morning :)
(except for the flashback but i thought that needed to be near the beginning of all this
to explain) so. uhh. enjoy? or if you don't like long chapters...umm...enjoy in portions?
lol. this also means this chapter doesn't have two perspectives but i was never planning
for that to be in every chapter, so from now on depending on how much i have to write
it may be every other chapter or there may be some chapters with both in them again.
we'll see! at any rate, next chapter will be sy

man if i keep this shit up my cws list at the beginning is gonna be as long as a chapter
itself =v= lbh has, uh, really hit his stride in all this by now. this contains so many
tropes from stalker fics that i think are fun that it is probably too much but look...look.
Look. anyway you may recognize some inspo here and there, for example the come in
the clothes from. shit. somebody tell me the name if you recall it and i'll edit it in here.
that one fic with white lotus binghe borrowing sqq's inner layers and marking them
when he returns them? also there is at least a fair chance i will do another longer scene
with lbh getting off to camera of sy masturbating. not in this chapter though! i did
consider doing a long description here but it was already nearly 4k ;v;

you will also note some passing mentions of lbh's powers getting stronger. i didn't just
throw this in! it's important! i mean...ok yes i did actually also just throw this in, but
like, in the way that literally everything i write is more or less 'shrug, why not' but then
it becomes plot through the magic of 'idk i guess i'll just post this'. but my point is its
not like...this is just the only time i mentioned it just because i couldn't think of how
lbh could wake sy up...is my point...he could just shake him.....,,

last note is just a Fun Fact i keep forgetting to mention. the fun fact is that the doc title
for this fic is 'i want to be a big bingyuan'. when i'm writing down my daily activities
in my media tracker though i cannot bring myself to write out 'i want to be a big
bingyuan' though because that's just fucking embarrassing so instead i call it the very
evocative 'bingyuan fic'
 Chapter 7
Chapter Notes

cws for this chapter: sy's canon-typical internalized homophobia a la 'gay people are
fine but i am not one because i am just normal', sy feels guilty for getting off to lbh,
continued implication that lbh is pleased when he can isolate sy/make him fully rely
on him, mention of sy's family trying to make him go to therapy in the past (idk if the
implication here gets through but it was because of the sadism thing) and sy not
talking in it because he thinks talking about things would only make them hate him, a
lot of self-hatred here tbh, negative thinking, lbh grabs sy's wrist hard enough to bruise
it and kind of freaks out bc he thinks he's going to be abandoned, sy gets mad because
in the story lbh is supposed to leave for college in the us after sqq stabs him, sy slaps
lbh and feels very guilty after, sy gets down about his relationship with lbh because it's
not really him that lbh knows but sqq, sy thinks he deserves the pain in his wrist for
slapping lbh

See the end of the chapter for more notes

This day already sucks, and if Shen Yuan could and it weren’t his sweet pup’s birthday, he’d have
gone right back to bed.

First, he tripped and had to be rescued by the protagonist like some blushing damsel. Second, he
couldn’t be nice to Binghe on his birthday, and he even kicked him really hard on accident! And
third—

Third—

Third he isn’t going to think about even a little bit.

Nope. He refuses to think about Binghe on his knees. And also how his lips were against his bare
thigh (he knew it was a bad idea to only wear a shirt and underwear to bed even though it was so
hot)! And also about. After. Especially about after. In the shower and how—he imagined—

He tries his best to keep his mortified groan at bay, but a small death rattle still escapes him
anyway.

“Master?” Luo Binghe asks curiously, tilting his head.

Look! Okay. Look. He’s not gay. He’s straight. Everybody is straight (except for the ones who are
gay? Or other shit? Which is fine for them and all but he’s not gay so that’s not applicable) which
means he’s straight. Girls are, you know, honestly they’re kind of boring and so even if they’re
pretty he can’t be bothered to date them when he has better stuff to do, but they’re fine. It’s not like
he hates them. And men are, like, he can objectively appreciate it when they’re pretty or have nice
muscles but that’s just objective. Everybody gets a little bit hard when they think about, like,
objectively attractive stuff. And Luo Binghe is—obviously he’s also, like—he’s also objectively
everything, he’s the protagonist after all, which means he’s better than everyone else in every way.

Including the ability to make other people hard.

Not just Shen Yuan—or Shen Qingqiu, rather, it’s his stupid body that’s doing this, really. So he
can’t be blamed and he’s not gay, he’s just following the world setting!! And also! Okay, also,
Shen Yuan just has hisproblem, and Luo Binghe just happens to be the one who he has to bully,
and so—and so it’s all natural. Is his point. His point is everything is reasonable and fine and he is
not gay, and also he’s not thinking about this anymore.

Except for, it’s fine and everything and he’s still not thinking about it, but also it’s incredibly not
fine?? Because sure, the protagonist is very attractive and pretty and Shen Yuan wants to touch his
muscles and all of that is just science, but he’s also his sweet little bun, his baby, his pup.

([+10 B-points for protagonist satisfaction!], the System rings in the background. He’s mostly
learned to tune that out by now, it happens so often.)

Shen Qingqiu is so terrible to him and Binghe still looks at him with those trusting, shining eyes,
and here—here Shen Yuan is—

It's a breach of trust! He’s breaching! And Binghe doesn’t even know. Obviously he can’t know.
Shen Yuan would die. He would absolutely die. Both literally, from the OOC violation, and
emotionally, he would just disintegrate into pieces and waft off into the wind never to be seen
again. But it also means Shen Yuan doesn’t have any way to vent his guilty feelings. After all, the
only person he talks to is Binghe, really.

[+20 B-points for protagonist satisfaction!]

Right, and the System. But it’s not a person and it’s an asshole so it doesn’t count.

[I heard that.]

You were supposed to. It shouldn’t be news to you anyway?

[No, but it still hurts.]

[JK, I don’t give a shit, fuck you.]

…So, yeah, he can’t talk to the System either.

It’s fine. Even before he came here, it’s not like he ever had ‘healthy outlets’ for his feelings or
whatever. That’s what the third therapist his family tried to hire for him said. And he said—well,
nothing, obviously? Probably the only thing worse than you hating you is somebody you pay to
like you hating you. Shen Yuan wasn’t going to risk it.

“Master,” Binghe says quietly by his side.

Shen Yuan blinks. “Yes?”

“You know…you know that you always…”

He hesitates after, and Shen Yuan’s mental autofill goes wild. You know that you always have
been my least favorite person? You know that you always come out of the bathroom trailing toilet
paper and I’ve never told you as revenge but now I just can’t take it anymore? You know that you
always think nobody knows you sneak potato chips upstairs at night even though Shen Qingqiu
[would never!!!] but we’ve all noticed and everyone thinks you’re a dirty slob? Finish the
sentence, Luo Binghe! He can catastrophize all day!
But Binghe just sighs, looking troubled. His eyes are downcast. Shen Yuan is struck with the
strange urge to brush his fingertips against his eyelashes where they meet his cheek. They’re very
long, and curl a bit at the end naturally. Shen Yuan’s younger sister would’ve killed for these
eyelashes.

Eventually, he looks back up. His usual cheerful smile is on his face. “You always go quiet when
we’re walking together like this,” he says. “It makes me wonder what you’re thinking. You can tell
me if there’s ever anything bothering you, Master.”

Shen Yuan pauses in his steps a moment. The offer is an odd echo of his earlier thoughts, though
that is of course a coincidence.

It’s kind. His pup is always so kind. But Shen Yuan doesn’t deserve it, and Shen Qingqiu can’t
accept it.

“Don’t overstep yourself,” he says. “I would never confide in a lowly dog.”

I’m sorry, he thinks. Even if I could tell you everything, I wouldn’t. Because it’s okay if you hate
Shen Qingqiu, but if you hated Shen Yuan…yeah.

I don’t know if I could take that.

Binghe falters, then nods, and respectfully steps back. “Yes, Master. Sorry, Master.” Even though
Shen Yuan only allows himself a quick glance before they walk again—him to his study, before
Binghe goes off to school—he can see a light gone from Binghe’s eyes.

That’s all he can ever do to Binghe, anyway. He can only ever hurt him. Both because that’s his
job here, and because he’s just a shitty person.

I don’t know. Maybe…I didn’t want him to go. I still don’t, but…maybe it’s better that he has to
leave.

Just as he thinks it, just before he opens the door to his study, Binghe grabs his wrist. Hard, too,
with the full force of his protagonist strength.

When Shen Yuan whips his head to his side to look at him, Binghe’s expression is something he’s
never seen it before. If the light in his eyes was gone earlier it’s completely extinguished now, eyes
dull and fevered at the same time. His nostrils are flaring, and his teeth are clenched so tight Shen
Yuan nearly can’t catch what he says next.

“Master. Master would never let me go, would he?”

“Huh?” You’re the one who’s not letting go, Binghe! In fact it really fucking hurts! “Get your
hands off me this instant.”

His grip tightens. “Master will keep this dog by his side.”

It sounds almost like an order.

Shen Yuan frowns, and pulls at Binghe’s hand. It doesn’t budge. “Luo Binghe,” he hisses.

“Master won’t leave me!”

There’s a beat. Shen Yuan tries to understand what’s going on and fails completely. What the hell
set this off? Was it because he said he wouldn’t talk to Binghe earlier? But it had been a few
minutes since then! And what did that have to do with leaving anyone in the first place? He hadn’t
said anything about that.

Well—except for in his head, but—

But Binghe had no way of hearing that. He’s pretty sure he didn’t actually speak aloud? If he had
that habit he’d have drowned in OOC violations the first day he was here!

What right does Binghe have to ask this anyway? Fury spreads in his chest. Binghe’s the one who’s
going to leave him! Sure, it’ll be his fault, but he’s going to be the one who will have to agonize
over it for four years, who will have to watch his baby walk away, because Binghe fucking
abandons him just so he can get stronger!

Fueled by his rage, Shen Yuan reaches up with his free hand and slaps Binghe, as hard as he can.
Hard enough to leave a red print on his cheek. Hard enough that Binghe’s eyes start to water
immediately, that his head stays to the side, that he goes still but for his hand dropping Shen
Yuan’s wrist.

Shen Yuan stares blankly at Binghe, the sound of the slap ringing in his ears. He’s…he’s never hit
Binghe this hard before. And it’s never felt so terrible, either, like his heart’s ripping apart in his
chest…

The silence aches between them, and all of Shen Yuan’s rage drops away, leaving him horrified
and empty at the same time. He didn’t…didn’t mean to…he’s not like…it’s just, thinking of
Binghe leaving him, thinking of Binghe wanting to leave…

But.

It’s Shen Qingqiu.

He leaves Shen Qingqiu, because Shen Qingqiu stabs him.

It’s not personal; in fact, Shen Yuan had cheered for Luo Binghe when it happened in the book, for
finally getting away from that abusive jerk. Fuck, none of this is personal, because none of this is
him. Luo Binghe doesn’t even know him. He doesn’t know he exists. Luo Binghe doesn’t like him,
he doesn’t care about him, and it’s for the best that he get away from him and get the best
education he can in the best college in the United States.

He has no right to be angry about this. He has no right to Luo Binghe at all.

Just because he calls him his pup doesn’t mean he’s his.

Shen Yuan finally takes a deep breath and straightens his tie. Luo Binghe slowly turns to look at
him. His eyes drop to Shen Yuan’s wrist.

It’s definitely going to bruise—Shen Yuan is a bit surprised it’s not broken. But the pain is only
what he deserves for slapping Luo Binghe like that just because the book is going the way it’s
supposed to, as Shen Yuan’s been aiming for all along.

Shen Qingqiu wouldn’t take it, though. Bastard. “I don’t want to see you for the rest of the day,” he
bites out, voice chilling. Shen Yuan doesn’t think he can bear to look at the handprint on his face.
Anyway, it’s his birthday; he probably wants to hang out with his friends or something.

“Master,” Luo Binghe starts, voice wobbling.

 “No arguments. While you’re gone, I want you to consider what punishment you think is worthy of
this.” Shen Yuan waves his wrists lazily. He considers Luo Binghe already punished, so he’ll go
with whatever Luo Binghe proposes. A slap on the wrist or something.

The System, who has been silent this whole time, pipes in, [Shen Qingqiu wouldn’t—]

It’s a psychological tactic, okay? Can’t I change things up every now and then? Is that not
allowed?

He ignores the System’s response (probably it’s saying it isn’t allowed; definitely he doesn’t care,
and if he has the points to take an OOC violation if it comes to that) and gazes at Luo Binghe,
who’s crying silently.

“You asked whether I would keep you.” He tilts his head to the side, then decides he can argue
himself out of this one action too. He reaches with his hurt wrist out to stroke Luo Binghe’s cheek,
right over where the handprint rests.

Psychological tactic!

[Don’t even fucking bother.]

“So. The answer is.” His fingertips drift over every inch of the handprint, wishing he could will it
away with his touch.

But he can’t, he knows. Shen Yuan draws back, opens the door, and steps through. With his back
facing Luo Binghe, he says, “The answer is that it depends on you.”

Because it’s Luo Binghe’s decision to run away.

Because Shen Yuan has no option other than to let him.

He closes the door, leaving Luo Binghe behind, and with all eyes off him, slumps to the ground
against the door.

Five clear fingers show on his wrist. He bangs his head against the door, just once, and lifts that
hand to his own cheek. It’s still warm.

He keeps his hand there until it’s not warm anymore, until all that’s left is his own temperature,
then stands up and gets to work at his desk like nothing ever happened.

(But he knows something did.

They both do.

And he doesn’t know whether he can keep going on like he has been, pretending that his little
attempts at kindness towards Binghe had somehow changed anything at all.)

Chapter End Notes

whew! it sure wasn't a perfect morning after all! sorry to do this to you on your
birthday binghe. it's for. story (but lol now every time i justify that shit to myself i'm
like god...i'm the system aren't i......)
you may notice the way sy refers to lbh differs through this chapter. that's intentional
though it also makes it kind of weird probably! he's his bun/baby/pup when he's
feeling particularly affectionate (but also when he's putting lbh on a pedestal above
himself), binghe normally bc he feels closer to him now after they've been together so
long, and then at the end when he's taking a mental step back from the relationship
he's luo binghe again. hopefully it's not too confusing

ah also lbh was going to say in the middle there 'you know that you can always talk to
me', but then from sy's thoughts and reflecting on it he was like ah right. sy sure
doesn't know that. so he backtracked to 'oh btw you can talk to me if you want' even
though he knows sy very much cannot. anyway next chapter will be lbh's perspective
again so we'll get into more of that and how he's feeling but, like, spoiler: not great!
double sadboy hours

i was going to make the college just somewhere across the country but that didn't feel
dramatic enough so now in the original he was meant to go overseas! is the
implication now that the us is the equivalent of the abyss? ...yes. am i going to change
it? .............no :) :) :)
 Chapter 8
Chapter Notes

cws for this chapter: [TL;DR (the worst bits): non-con voyeurism/masturbating to
that voyeurism, brief reference to underage sexuality, sy has a sexual fantasy that he
does not realize (or does not want to realize) involves lbh from a few months before
lbh turned 18, lbh briefly mentions considering drugging sy so that he could get a cast
of his dick to make a dildo with, --if you want to skip all of that, it's from 'luo binghe
settles in with his laptop' to 'once or twice more before shen yuan falls asleep'--car
crash mention (only vaguely graphic, but it's from 'around him is chaos' to 'wresting
control over the dream'). if you need more info i'll go into it near the end of the full
breakdown] talk about how lbh doesn't have any guilt over hurting others, lbh says
he'd rather die than hurt sy again, lbh thinks that he'll 'cure' sy of his self-deprecation
in the future by loving him which is now how that works, lbh says he'd be happy to be
stabbed by sy, lbh 'punishes' himself for his 'sin' (by not watching sy on the cameras),
sy gives lbh a necklace and thinks it's nice to have something from him around lbh's
neck which lbh is admittedly ALL for (he just wishes it were a collar instead), lbh gets
off to an old recording of sy masturbating, it's said he's been doing it for years (so
including when he was a minor), he thinks of it as a cam show just for him, a bit of
manipulation (lbh playing up his moaning and crying to arouse sy), mention that lbh
wishes sy came on his clothes more often so he could borrow them, negative self-talk
from sy because he's unhappy that the sexual fantasy that gets him going is the thought
of hurting someone, it is very much implied that the sexual fantasy involves lbh & he
says lbh's name when he finishes even though this is an old recording which means lbh
was a minor at the time, lbh gets a dildo around the same size as sy after measuring his
size through the camera and mentions a past consideration of his was drugging sy and
then getting a cast of his dick for a dildo while he was knocked out, sy's and lbh's
fantasies both involve rough sex, all throughout the chapter just generally a lot of very
possessive behavior & saying sy can't leave, brief recollection of the car crash with
some vague details

sex acts in this chapter: actual: lbh masturbates with his dick and a dildo in his ass to a
past camera recording of shen yuan masturbating. fantasy: sy leans into his
dacryphilia and pain/sadism kinks a bit, imagines oral sex/facefucking and penetrating
a Hole Of Nonspecific Gender, rough sex, objectification, biting, creampie, using
'master' during sex. lbh imagines some rough sex, clumsiness from sy since it's his first
time (including penetrating him before he's ready, which he does in the real world as
well bc he's a method actor or whatever), rough sex, using 'master' during sex,
collaring and light breathplay, objectification, marking

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Luo Binghe stays outside that door for a long time. School has long since started, but he doesn’t
want to go. It’s probably for the best, anyway. If somebody other than his master tried to touch
him right now he might actually kill them.

Near the beginning of everything, seeing how Shen Yuan had struggled after hurting him when he
clearly enjoyed it, Luo Binghe had thought this a somewhat foolish way to live. Interesting, yes,
but foolish. Luo Binghe had never once felt conflict over hurting someone. Even when they were
collateral damage and didn’t particularly deserve it, he figured they were just in the wrong place at
the wrong time. Life was never fair to him, so he wasn’t very troubled when he wasn’t fair to
others, either.

So he’d thought—even if Shen Yuan disliked hurting Luo Binghe because he didn’t deserve it, it’d
be better for him to simply get over it. He didn’t have any choice. It wasn’t fair for either of them,
but it never was going to be. He might as well enjoy it in the meantime.

But now. Now, after hurting his master. Even after the thrill of seeing his mark left on his master’s
fragile wrists—even then.

Luo Binghe understood. Because he’d rather die than ever do something like this to his master
again.

Is his master still in pain? Is he in there, thinking about what a terrible man Luo Binghe is?
Probably not. The man is too soft for his own good. Luo Binghe could find out easily—there are
just as many cameras in Shen Qingqiu’s study as anywhere else, obviously—but he doesn’t deserve
to see his master, and he’s afraid of what he’ll see anyway.

He couldn’t take it if Shen Yuan hated him. But…it would be even worse, somehow, if he didn’t.

Fuck. Everything had gone downhill so quickly. Luo Binghe was able to tolerate Shen Yuan saying
he wasn’t gay (his master is always so cute like that, so deep in denial. Luo Binghe knows he can
change his mind). His master’s self-deprecation is unfortunate, and it made him sad to see, but
when Luo Binghe can express himself fully he’ll drown his master in his love until he can’t think
about himself like that anymore. He even got through Shen Yuan thinking that he couldn’t talk to
him by reminding himself his master is just confused because Luo Binghe can’t tell him everything
yet, and the rest is all down to that damn System.

But.

But hearing his master say he would leave.

That just broke everything in him. He’s not even completely sure what he said; his mind went
completely blank but for the horror and anger over being abandoned. He knew Shen Yuan would
have a reason for it, but he still couldn’t stop himself.

Overall, although this situation was the worst, it’s good he knows what they think will happen.
He’s gone along with the System’s silly little ‘events’ here and there, anything as long as he gets to
stay by Shen Yuan’s side.

Shen Yuan will stab him and then he’ll leave?

Hah. He’s happy to be stabbed by his master. He would proudly bear Shen Yuan’s mark on his
chest. But leaving…no.

No.

He certainly won’t be doing that.

Luo Binghe adjusts his plans carefully, still standing outside his master’s door, and only leaves
when he hears Shen Yuan moving closer. He’d said he didn’t want to see him the rest of the day,
and he’ll respect that even if it was a lie.
He doesn’t have any friends to visit, though. Nobody who matters to him, at least. He calmly cooks
his master’s lunch and asks a member of the staff to bring it to Shen Yuan.

“You’re not doing it?” she asks, surprised.

+10 B-points for protagonist satisfaction, he imagines, pleased that everyone knows so well that
he’s the only one for his master. “He’s given me a break for my birthday,” he says, beaming. “He’s
so kind. But I still wanted to make sure he wasn’t working so hard he forgot to eat!”

“Aw, okay.” Kind?? Shen Qingqiu??? Huh. I wonder if those rumors about them being…like
that…are true. “All right, I’ll take it for you then. And happy birthday!”

“Thank you!” The smile slips from his face as soon as he’s out of sight again, heading back to his
room.

It will be a happy birthday, in the end. It will be. He’s been practicing for this for so long.

He reaches his hand up to his cheek, where Shen Yuan had slapped him, and takes a long,
shuddering breath.

He presses down, and keeps pressing until it hurts again.

Yes. This is how it should be. His master giving him pain, and him taking it. Nothing else matters,
and nothing can stop him.

He spends the rest of the day on his computer. There’s work to be done—other than the usual
things to do with his company, he has to make certain that university in America won’t accept him
even if the System forces Shen Yuan to apply for him or something like that. Usually he’d have the
camera stream of his master running in parallel to motivate him, but he can’t today—he may have
calmed down from his self-loathing spiral, but his sin still requires punishment. He contents
himself instead by fidgeting with his birthday gift: a jade pendant looped around his neck.

Luo Binghe had, of course, known what the gift would be prior to receiving it. Shen Yuan had
agonized over the gift for weeks, wondering what would be best and what he could get away with.
Finally, he had decided on this jade pendant—one that looks similar to a jade pendant Luo
Binghe’s foster mother had given him when he was younger, that she had spent far too much on
without knowing it was fake. It was still a treasure to him, though he only took it out from his safe
every now and then.

This is another form of bullying, okay? Shen Yuan had defended himself to the System. He cares
so much about the one from his foster mother, and yet his master is telling him to replace that old,
shoddy thing in favor of this new trinket that cost him pennies. Wouldn’t that make him angry?
He’d feel wronged, right?

[Why do you even ask me about this shit anymore?] the System had returned snidely. [You
never listen to me.]

Mm, well, true.

But to himself he’d thought, It always made me sad that his mom had gotten scammed out of such
a nice gift. His mom isn’t here to give him one of those heartfelt presents anymore. Obviously I’m
not going to replace her or anything, but I can give him something real for her.

And anyway. He’d blushed, slightly, allowed to do so in the safety of his room. It might be kind of
nice…to see something I gave him around his neck…
Not in a creepy way! Just! Just—never mind!

It was fine that Shen Yuan didn’t allow himself to think of the meaning behind that sentiment. Luo
Binghe would think of it enough for the both of them. His master had wanted to collar his dog, and
his dog accepted it gratefully. Though he would have liked if it were something tighter…
something he could feel on him every time he swallowed, or took a breath…

He clears his throat, adjusting himself in his pants. Not yet. There’s time enough for that later. This
gift alone is more than enough, more than he deserves, evidence of his master’s consideration and
favor. He’ll treasure it just as he has the one from his mother, and he’ll treasure Shen Yuan all the
more in return.

Luo Binghe gets through the day like that, working to ensure their future and rubbing at the jade on
his neck, until it’s evening. Then, he goes to the kitchen, cooks his master’s dinner, and gets it sent
to him (by a different maid, so as to avoid questions).

He eats his own dinner alone, staring at a picture of his master set up on his computer, wishing he
hadn’t ruined everything today so that he could be eating with him.

But he can’t change the past. And anyway, he’ll still be seeing him later. He’ll still end his birthday
as planned.

He gets ready for bed a bit early. Not seeing his master all day has been itching at him nigh-
tangibly, and he decides to relax his punishment, just slightly. He won’t watch the current cameras,
but it’s fine if he watches an old recording, right? It’s his birthday.

Luo Binghe settles in with his laptop and some other supplies in close reach and inhales sharply as
the video starts. Just to see Shen Yuan again…just to see him moving, alive in front of him…oh, he
truly does love him. Nobody else can make him feel like this. Nobody else will ever make his
heart sing like his master.

And nobody else will awaken the desire in him like this, either.

Luo Binghe has been masturbating alongside Shen Yuan for years. He likes to think of it sort of
like Shen Yuan is performing his own personal cam show, just for him. Shen Yuan doesn’t do it
that often—not often enough for Luo Binghe’s taste, anyway—but he has recordings to get him
through the nights without, and it just makes the nights with a new showing better.

This particular recording is fairly recent, perhaps a few months old, but Luo Binghe has gotten off
to it more times than he can count since it entered his collection. Earlier that day, Luo Binghe had
made somewhat of a point of moaning ‘in pain’ when Shen Yuan kicked him, and of tearing up
when he looked at Shen Yuan from his knees. Shen Yuan likes him on his knees, and likes his
tears even better, though he tries to deny it to himself still. Luo Binghe had enjoyed seeing his
pupils dilate looking at him, and the way his breathing stopped for a moment.

He enjoyed it even more, though, when later that night, Shen Yuan antsily bounced his knees a few
moments before demanding the System look away for a bit.

[God. It’s not like I want to see this either,] it says mulishly as the video starts. The System has
horrible taste, but Luo Binghe is glad it doesn’t watch his master. This sight belongs only to him.

No commentary, Shen Yuan snapped, and waited a minute or so before surreptitiously looking
around—as if someone might be watching him from his closet, or something.

Silly boy. Doesn’t even think to look seriously for what’s actually watching him. But Luo Binghe
likes him like this.

On the screen, Shen Yuan relaxes a bit, then digs around in his nightstand drawer for the lube he
hides there. He takes off his shirt, his trousers, his underwear, and throws them off to the side. (He
tends to get naked when he’s doing this, so he doesn’t leave any evidence in his laundry.
Unfortunate. Luo Binghe might borrow his clothes more often otherwise.)

He gets comfortable, wiggling around awkwardly on his bed, then sighs. His first strokes are
always less confident, like he’s embarrassed to be doing this. Luo Binghe looks forward to
someday training his master to ask for what he wants without any shame.

Luo Binghe hikes up his shirt and trails his fingers down his chest, slowly, just a whisper of a
touch. He imagines Shen Yuan would touch him like this at first, too—looking at him like he
couldn’t imagine Luo Binghe was truly under him, touching him like he was expecting to be turned
away…but of course Luo Binghe wouldn’t. He’d let Shen Yuan touch him all he wanted, wait until
his fingertips had memorized the feeling of Luo Binghe’s skin.

But this is a fantasy, so he can be less considerate. He unzips his pants and grinds his palm against
his clothed dick. Harsh—too harsh. Maybe Shen Yuan puts too much strength in it, accidentally.
And he’s about to apologize, draw back, but Luo Binghe holds his hand down—on his wrist,
where he held him today, but gently this time.

“You can do anything you want to me,” he’ll say, and he’ll mean it. Anything. Anything at all, as
long as he’s with Luo Binghe.

The video of his master keeps playing. Shen Yuan sighs, his voice coming a bit tinny through Luo
Binghe’s earbuds. “This is stupid,” he murmurs, prodding at his dick unhappily, watching it flop
about. “Just pathetic. Why am I even…”

Luo Binghe smiles, using the interlude to take off his pants and underwear. It’s such a human
moment. He likes seeing his master like this.

But he likes it too when a brief thought flits across Shen Yuan’s mind.

—tears—face screwed up in pain—

Shen Yuan recoils. No! But his dick twitches anyway, and he chews his lip, looking around again.

It’s…just a fantasy, though. I’m not doing anything…

He goes through this back-and-forth with himself every time. Eventually, Luo Binghe will help
him with that too.

For now, though, he brushes his fingers over his dick. With his other hand, he reaches down
between his spread legs, down and down until his index finger wisps over the furl of his rim.

The screen’s Shen Yuan settles down again, takes some lube in one hand and spreads it over his
cock. He sighs again, but less aggravated now.

Tears. They drip down—the person’s—face, turning their eyes red at the corners, streaking down
their cheeks. Some drip against their lips. Would it be salty, if I—

Shen Yuan licks his lips. His cock is well and slicked up now, and his hand glides over it without
any trouble. It doesn’t take long before he’s fully hard. His eyes flutter shut.
Luo Binghe’s eyes stay open, drinking in every moment on the screen. He picks up the lube,
squirting it onto his dick and his index finger, then coats his cock while circling his rim with that
finger.

Shen Yuan wouldn’t know how this worked. Maybe he would dip in his finger too soon, before
Luo Binghe was fully relaxed…

Luo Binghe lets his finger slip in. It burns.

Good.

He pumps it in and out, pushing the lube in, and gazes fanatically at the laptop. Shen Yuan’s still
chewing on his lips. They look red and abused, like Luo Binghe were really there, kissing him with
abandon. Shen Yuan groans when he circles his tip, squeezing, and while Luo Binghe knows this
whole video by heart, he still gasps at the thought accompanying the movement.

Dark hair, a bit curly, curtaining me as lips descend on my cock. The tears drip down onto my
shaft as they take me in, and in, and don’t stop until I hit the back of their throat. They gurgle, a
bit, not quite choking, but it’s clear it’s too much for them, too much for their first time…

Shen Yuan circles himself with a loose grip, then fucks up into his fist. His mouth falls open.

I fuck into their throat. They’re choking now, but I keep going. I’ll keep going until I decide we’re
done. They don’t have any choice in the matter, just…just a hole for me to fuck, a sleeve for my
cock…

Luo Binghe moans loudly, tears springing to his eyes when he shoves the dildo he’d brought with
him up his ass. It’s the same length as Shen Yuan (or as close as he could get from his camera
measurements, though he’s fairly confident in his math) but a bit smaller around, so he’ll still be a
tight fit for his master when the time comes. He had, admittedly, considered knocking Shen Yuan
out with something in his nightly tea and taking his own cast, but he wasn’t certain if the System
would know and the romantic in him did want his first time with Shen Yuan’s dick to be with his
actual dick, so he’d set aside the notion.

He didn’t use enough lube for the dildo, and he hadn’t stretched himself enough. He doesn’t care.
The burn reminds him of Shen Yuan’s slap earlier, and that thought sends pleasure ricocheting
down his spine.

“Master,” he whimpers, thrusting the dildo inside to the rhythm at which Shen Yuan is fucking his
fist onscreen. “Master…oh…Master…please…please, more…”

As if he’d understood him, the Shen Yuan in his laptop whines and tightens his grip, then starts to
move even faster and with more force. I turn them around, he thinks. I turn them around and enter
them. I don’t prep them or anything. They’re just my toy, so it doesn’t matter whether they feel
good.

A brief, Fuck, I’m really an awful person.

Luo Binghe ignores that part. If Shen Yuan is an awful person for wanting his sexual partner to be
his toy, then perhaps Luo Binghe is an awful person for wanting to be that toy. But he’s stopped
caring whether he’s a good person or not a long time ago. He can be a good person or a bad person
as long as he’s Shen Yuan’s person.

Pictures flash across his mind—that collar from earlier, Shen Yuan pulling on it, making it harder
for him to breathe. “What a good dog for me,” his master might say. “What a good boy, taking me
like this.” He’d fuck him like he fucked his fist onscreen—wildly, viciously, without any regard
for Luo Binghe. He’d grip his hips so hard he was the one to leave bruises. He’d suck hickeys all
over, so that everyone knew Luo Binghe was his, only his, always only ever his…

“Master,” Luo Binghe sobs, biting onto his fist. “Yes, yours.” He rams the dildo into his prostate
so hard his head throws back as electricity sparkles through his entire body. “Fuck, use me, destroy
me—love me—just love me—”

The Shen Yuan onscreen is panting, sweat dripping down his back. “Fuck,” he groans. The fantasy
in his head is disjointed now. Warm, slick around my cock. They scream when I bite their neck, but
—not because they’re scared.

They’re not scared of me.

They like it. They don’t hate me.

“Master,” they say. They’re still crying. “Come inside me. Fill me up. Let me feel you—ruin me
for anyone other than you—”

With a choked-off gasp, Shen Yuan comes into his hand, back arching from the force of his
orgasm. His eyelids flutter and his mouth opens, soundlessly mouthing two words, though Luo
Binghe suspects that he was out of it enough at the time that he didn’t notice.

“Luo Binghe,” he says, and then his hips jerkily thrust into his hands a last few times before he
stills and crumples back against his sheets.

It was the first time Shen Yuan had acknowledged him like this, even if he didn’t know it, and
that’s why this is his new favorite video. Luo Binghe feels his love for his master build up until he
can’t contain it anymore, feels it burning its way through his whole body, and comes whimpering
onto his chest. “Master,” he cries out, “Shen Yuan…”

When he returns to himself, ears ringing, he licks his lips once, then again. On the screen, Shen
Yuan is sprawled out on his bed like a starfish, thinking, what was that shitty porno dialogue at the
end, huh?

Meanwhile, shifting his gaze to stare up at the ceiling dully, Luo Binghe clenches his teeth.

This is always the worst part of it. When they’ve finished together, and he can’t hold Shen Yuan
after and tell him he loves him. Not yet. Just not yet. But—but soon.

For now…

He checks the time, then huffs and scrolls through his files for another favorite recording.

Shen Yuan is still awake. He has more time to kill, and an endless well of longing for his master.
He can get off once or twice more before Shen Yuan falls asleep.

Around him is chaos.

People are sobbing. Something must have caught fire, because Luo Binghe can smell smoke.
Sirens are heading their way.

And everywhere are cars, piled up, crushed into pieces. Glass is shattered on the ground. Luo
 Binghe can tell there are at least a few people here dead.

And crawling out of one window, with a bewildered, panicked, cute little face, is a small man with
glasses…

Luo Binghe would recognize him anywhere, even if he’s never seen him before. Wresting control
over the dream, he banishes the horrors around them and steps closer, smiling.

Dreams are the one place in this world where the System cannot enter. Somebody had told him so.
They’d told him also that his ability to read minds was a higher energy that he shouldn’t possess,
‘in your low-grade world’, in their words, but that if he wanted they could help train him—train
him to touch other’s minds, to control them if he wished, to gain power he couldn’t even have
dreamed of.

And, most pertinently, they told him they could help him train to join people in their dreams.

Painstakingly, he had followed their instructions, all for this day—all for this day when he could
speak to Shen Yuan uninterrupted. The fact that it’s his true Shen Yuan was only a bonus, though
one that he was pleased by. But he was even more pleased at the prospect of talking to a Shen
Yuan unimpeded by the leash of OOC violations, and in turn to finally be able to express himself
without worrying that the System would balk at the changes in the story and somehow take Shen
Yuan away from him.

With this, his plans were one step closer to completion.

It really had been a good birthday after all.

“Shen Yuan,” he whispers. “Finally, I found you.”

Finally.

Chapter End Notes

whew ok! i've mentioned previously sex scenes are a bit hard to write for me, but this
wasn't actually too bad...just a bit fiddly to intersperse between the video and lbh
gettin' off. (you will notice for example, or maybe not if you don't care, that i didn't
keep up past tense with sy's video. i figured this was because the video is playing in
the present. mostly i just hate writing in past tense bc i always fuck up and go
inconsistent after a while lol) anyway i did want to write a scene with lbh getting off to
sy masturbating over camera but i'm mildly disappointed i couldn't think of a way to
finagle it into being something sy was doing in the present. i just didn't think sy would
be in the mood for it and i didn't know where else i could shove it so...eh. sadboy
hours. it's fine. 'i'm getting off to someone who doesn't know i am watching them and
thinks that i hate them' is never going to be happy at the end of things anyway lol. but
for those of you lamenting lbh got his bday ruined he at least got three lonely birthday
orgasms and a necklace so he's ok

sidenote, i really hate coming up with gifts in stories. it's like...you know when
someone is writing something in a book and it's supposed to be the Best TV Show or
the Best Book or the Best Whatever and then you have to write some of it and you're
like god, i am bereft of creativity in its entirety, i should give up writing forever? it's
like that, except i have to come up with a gift that this character thinks is super
meaningful. gifts are hard enough irl when you actually know a person! i'm always
worried they'll get to a gift and the person reading will be like. what is this dogshit gift
that i'm supposed to believe made x character cry or fall in love or blah blah blah. plus
it does have to be something in this context that sy can argue isn't sentimental. i
genuinely thought 'uhhh idk maybe he just bought stocks in lbh's company?' truly the
PEAK of romance. dgmw this lbh would be into it anyway lol BUT

if you are wondering who told lbh about the dreamwalking shit: we will find out! if
you are wondering why i used the word 'we': it's because i haven't completely decided!
if you are wondering whether it will make a lot of sense: almost certainly no my
friends, i am wholly a Shrug Yeah Sure Why Not flavor of author. i am running off of
some disjointed notes in an app and the urge to make some real fucked-up boys fuck
each other. my point is if you ever see something that is a letdown or doesn't make
sense i ask kindly that we just share a knowing wink and then look away and never
mention it again

OH one last thing. lbh fucks himself in this chapter, but that doesn't mean he's
completely a bottom in this fic...at leeeeeast probably? i tend to write fics with vers
characters just, you know, for variety. i only have one more scene one hundred percent
planned to be in this fic, and i haven't decided yet whether he'll bottom in that one or
not, but it's also always possible i'll throw in another scene somewhere too (i was
thinking of dreamscape sex for example) in which case one would be bottom and one
would be top. anyway! if that's not your shebang be warned. as you saw in this chapter
i also try to do more detailed descriptions of the Sexy Shit so as to keep the fic tags
shorter so if that thought makes you troubled then you can always check the beginning
a/n for more details. i know there's a lot of text to slog through, but they are, if nothing
else, thorough =v=
 Chapter 9
Chapter Notes

cws for this chapter: very brief car crash mention, low self esteem from sy, unreality
warning for most of this chapter taking place in a dream that sy doesn't remember
when he wakes up that gives him weird deja vu, sy thinks dream lbh might murder him
and mentions he's had dreams in the past about it happening, reference to lbh hurting
sy's wrist in the last chapter which he sort of lets pass with a non-apology (he says he
didn't mean to and that he lost control, which is fucked up), sy continues to be guilty
for slapping lbh and reassures lbh about hurting him, lbh says directly he liked being
slapped which makes sy a bit uncomfortable because he thinks lbh is a figment of his
dream at this point, lbh kisses sy's wrist without asking first, lbh tells something to sy
and sy takes it as his brain fucking with him by using his favorite person, sy has sort of
a minor anxiety attack, lbh controls sy to not remember the dream when he wakes up
and also to do something when he wakes up (nothing untoward, but it's def not
something he wanted to do), lbh asks...basically for impact play as his requested
punishment...and he doesn't SAY it's sexual but sy TAKES it as sexual or at least
evidence of m inclinations (which, in fairness, it is lol) and freaks out about it, main
character death mention (it's fine though!)

See the end of the chapter for more notes

As the car crashes, Shen Yuan could only dully think, ah, this again.

He’d had this dream many times over the years, as if to remind him what he was here for, to
remind him that he could never forgive himself. This dream always only ended when the System
came. But this time, when he pulled himself out of the car, it wasn’t the System waiting for him.

He stares in shock at Luo Binghe as the world goes dark around them, then reasserts itself in the
shape of a tranquil mountain peak. (One he vaguely recognizes—is this from that one donghua?)
But he can’t focus on that thought because Luo Binghe whispers, speaking with affection dripping
from every word, “Shen Yuan. Finally, I found you.”

Shen Yuan blinks at him, feeling a bit wrong-footed facing this Luo Binghe in his original body.
He knows well that Shen Qingqiu was kind of an upgrade for him. Definitely taller, and thinner,
and prettier. The most he had ever gotten at home was a somewhat patronizing ‘cute’, and that was
from family so it didn’t really count. He wasn’t the sort somebody ever took a second look at.
Definitely not the sort somebody as beautiful and talented and special as Luo Binghe would take a
second look at.

And yet, this Luo Binghe has never stopped looking at him. Like, in a greedy way, like he wants to
drink every part of this unremarkable Shen Yuan in, like he wants to climb inside Shen Yuan’s
body and never leave—well, okay, wait, no, that’s kind of a weird thing to think actually—

“I would, though,” Luo Binghe breathes, stepping closer. “Like to never leave you like that, if it
were possible. Even if that’s weird.”

Shen Yuan blinks some more, then huffs an incredulous laugh. “Uh—yeah, okay, right. Sure. So
that’s what this is. I spend the whole day feeling guilty about hurting Luo Binghe, maybe
subconsciously wishing he knew that I felt bad about it, so in my sleep I come up with a Luo
Binghe that saves me from my nightmares and reads my mind. That’s kind of on the nose? Like,
really—really sort of too much—” He doesn’t voice that his subconscious also apparently made
this Luo Binghe like him, because that’s something he can’t say out loud even in a dream, because
then maybe it would be admitting that his subconscious wanted that. Which it didn’t. Not like that,
anyway, and—and psychoanalysis is stupid anyway, so. So.

Shen Yuan startles slightly when he notices just how close Luo Binghe has gotten. Is this the part
where the dream shifts and Luo Binghe becomes a zombie or an ax murderer or just the future Luo
Binghe who murders future Shen Qingqiu—since he’s had that dream a few times, actually—

“No,” Luo Binghe says pleasantly. “This is not that part. Not that kind of dream. I would never
hurt you.”

“I mean, you kind of would,” Shen Yuan says, referencing future Luo Binghe because this is a
figment of his imagination so it presumably shares his nigh-encyclopedic knowledge of PDCIW
and his only-one-sentence-necessary knowledge of ‘probably it would suck to get tortured to
death’. But saying this makes Luo Binghe’s face drop, and he reaches out to caress Shen Yuan’s
wrist.

Shen Yuan lets him. Partly because what the hell, partly because why not, and partly because the
way his fingers gently stroke across the skin there actually…feels really good…

“I didn’t mean to,” Luo Binghe says quietly. “I shouldn’t have lost control.”

Shen Yuan knows this is probably just that subconscious of his trying to absolve him of guilt, or
whatever. And he shouldn’t take that out. He doesn’t deserve it. But he also can’t stand seeing Luo
Binghe look so sad, sadder than he ever looks in the real world when he’s crying.

Instinctively, he reaches out to Luo Binghe’s face, right where he slapped him. He strokes his
cheek just as gently as Luo Binghe has his wrist. “It’s okay. I’m not mad. I was never mad.”

Luo Binghe’s lips start to tremble, and tears fill the corners of his eyes. It’s heart-wrenching,
honestly. “You should have been. You should be, still.”

Shen Yuan wipes away the tears with his thumb, suppressing the very inappropriate thought that
he’d like to taste them. Just to see if they taste salty in a dream too! But still! Not the time! “I don’t
know. Maybe? But I wasn’t and I’m not. And anyway, I hurt you too.”

Luo Binghe smiles slightly. “That slap, you mean? Don’t worry about that. I liked it.”

Shen Yuan’s eyes go almost comically wide. He laughs nervously, habitually moving to push his
glasses up on his nose but finding his wrist is still in Luo Binghe’s hands. His grip isn’t crushing,
like it was before, but he still can’t move his hands. He licks his lips. “Uh! Uhhhh. Wow. Okay.
That’s…that’s…man, my subconscious really didn’t need to go that far—”

Keeping eye contact, smile widening, Luo Binghe takes the wrist in his hands and lifts it up to his
lips, then drops a feather-light kiss on Shen Yuan’s skin, right over the pulse point there. “I could
go much further,” he murmurs.

“Ummmm,” Shen Yuan squeaks. His voice breaks in a way it hasn’t since puberty. “Or you
could…not?”

Luo Binghe chuckles, and drops his wrist. “Not today, then.” All levity vanishes from his face.
“We have more to discuss now, anyway. Specifically, about the System.”
Hearing the System being mentioned by something that looks like Luo Binghe is even more
disorienting than that kiss was just now, somehow, and Shen Yuan reels back, looking from side to
side for a blue rectangle. “What? What about it?”

“Do you want to keep it?”

Luo Binghe looks very serious, asking that question, but Shen Yuan still answers with an automatic
and very unserious, “Of course not, it’s a little bitch.” Then he actually registers the question. “Oh,
but! I mean…like, it’s helping me.” He winces. “Sort of? You know, with my family and all…”

“I know.” Luo Binghe presses his lips together. “I know, Shen Yuan, I do. I know what it promised
you, and I know why it matters to you, and I won’t even try to convince you this is not your
responsibility to bear—”

“It is,” Shen Yuan says coldly, stepping back.

“And I knew you would say that, which is why that’s a conversation we’ll also save for later.”

(Damn, his subconscious is redundant. ‘I know this’, ‘I know that’. Of course he does, he’s his
brain or whatever. Shen Yuan keeps from rolling his eyes with great effort.)

Luo Binghe doesn’t respond to that thought, though his lips do twitch. “But I don’t think you know
something important.” He closes the gap between them again, with a hand on Shen Yuan’s
shoulder. It’s not flirting this time; his expression is purely earnest. “Shen Yuan, the System is
lying to you.”

Shen Yuan opens his mouth, then closes it. Opens it again. “Uh. Right. Is this some…my
subconscious noticed something wrong that I couldn’t, sort of thing…like…” His mind races
through a couple of overdone plotlines. “Am I going to become a sleep detective? Like, ‘I’m An
Idiot When I’m Awake, But I Solve Mysteries In My Sleep—Literally!’”

Luo Binghe pauses, face twisting in confusion. “Would you like to be a…sleep detective?”

Shen Yuan considers it. “Not really. That’s kind of stupid—okay, wait. What is it the System is
supposed to be lying about?”

Luo Binghe scratches his hair. Shen Yuan sort of wants to do the same, to Binghe’s hair that is,
since it’s just a dream and all, but also it’s probably still not the right time for that. “Please try to
calm yourself, before I say this.”

Shen Yuan frowns, crossing his arms. “Literally nobody has ever calmed down because someone
told them to.”

Luo Binghe winces delicately. “My apologies. I suppose I should just come right out with it.” He
takes a deep breath. “I don’t know everything. But what I can tell you is that every time the System
told you that you could be with your family again…it’s been lying.”

Shen Yuan’s subconscious was right on at least one thing.

Shen Yuan is very fucking not calm about this.

“What?” he asks, feeling the nervous giggles rise to the top of his throat again. “I—no. That’s. That
can’t be true. It’s…why the fuck would it…it can’t.”

“Shen Yuan,” Luo Binghe starts.

“This is fucked up,” Shen Yuan sneers, poking at Luo Binghe’s chest. “Like—I knew my brain
was a fucking mess, but—this is cruel. Especially coming from him, really? You take the one
person I would believe and—and you—” He shakes his head, faster and faster, as his breathing
starts to pick up. “This isn’t real. This is a dream, and I’m not a fucking sleep detective, a-and—
and I can get my family back!”

“Shen Yuan,” Luo Binghe says again, still so fucking sincere. Shen Yuan doesn’t want to hear
from this anymore. “A-Yuan.”

“No! Stop! I’m going to wake up and this will have never happened.” Fuck, even calling him that
with his voice. This is the worst fucking dream.

Luo Binghe sighs, wilting. “I’m sorry. I wish this was easier. But if we’re going to get rid of the
System, I need your help.” He looks away for the first time. “I can’t have you remembering this for
now. But—when you wake up, ask the System for more details about your family. Please.”

“Why the hell would I do that?” He very purposely hasn’t done that. There’s always some part of
him that worries that if he questions this too much, it’ll all fall apart. In fact, maybe that’s just what
this dream is, some fucked-up anxiety thing? He’d be lying if he said he never wondered, but he
also still wasn’t going to say anything just because his brain said he should. If he did everything his
brain said he should, he’d be…something. Something else, at any rate.

Luo Binghe’s smile this time is small, sad. “Sorry, Master. You won’t have a choice.”

And then he reaches out to Shen Yuan’s forehead. Shen Yuan feels like he’s being electrocuted,
something—something so oddly familiar—

Shen Yuan wakes up from a pleasant dream. Luo Binghe is shaking him awake—something he’s
not done in a while, ever since the System forced Shen Qingqiu to go on some temper tantrum or
another. There’s a sad smile on his face, though it’s replaced quickly enough by his usual cheerful
one.

Still, it prods at something in Shen Yuan’s brain, but he can’t quite…quite put a finger on…

“Good morning, Master,” Luo Binghe says. “I apologize for waking you up so roughly. You were
in a very deep sleep.”

Shen Yuan slaps his hands away habitually. “Don’t touch me. You still have the face to come
back, I see.”

Actually he’s very glad to see him! He’d felt so bad all of yesterday, but it looks like his cheek is
doing just fine. His Binghe is always a quick healer. Unfortunately, he does…sort of have to…

“I presume, then, that you’ve come up with an adequate punishment for yourself.”

Shen Yuan is thinking, like, a slap on the wrist sorta thing. Binghe may act like a trembling M
sometimes, but that’s just an act, right? Just trying to stay alive when he’s lashed to the side of a
raging asshole? So there’s no way he would ask for anything too intense—

“Yes, Master.” Luo Binghe bows his head. “I thought about it all yesterday—” Well, okay, he
really didn’t need to think that hard about it, but that’s his conscientious little bun for you— “And
while no punishments could truly make up for what I have done, I think…a lashing, or a
paddling…even a spanking, if Master wishes…”
Shen Yuan’s mouth drops open. He can’t stop himself. Or, well, he can and does after a moment or
two, but—what! Why has the genre changed again into a BDSM flick! Not—not that he knows
anything about those. (He’s watched a few, okay. But everyone gets curious! And he has his, um,
affliction, so it’s—it’s just—it’s just nothing, and certainly nothing he’s going to think about with
the protagonist kneeling in front of him when he’s already covering his morning wood with his
blankets—)

[So, I know this doesn’t really even need to be said, but I’m going to say it anyway,] the
System chimes in unhelpfully. [What the fuck.]

For once, they are in agreement. But…for some reason, even so, something in Shen Yuan’s mind
twists, and he finds himself frowning.

It’s a bit sudden, but Shen Yuan wonders…why he’s never asked the System for any details about
how it will fulfill his wish. How he’ll get his family back. Shouldn’t that have been one of his first
questions? He feels like he had a reason, but…he can’t remember…

[Unfortunately, as much as I don’t want to recommend indulging the stallion protagonist’s

newfound (?) passion for hard play,] the System continues on in the background, [Shen Qingqiu
would never give up this opportunity. To bully Luo Binghe, I mean. Not to, like, dominate
him. …Or, well, sort of? But, you know, non-sexually. Probably.]

Hey. System.

[If you have any extratextual opinions on whether Shen Qingqiu was a closeted dom, I have
no interest in—]

No, not that. Shen Yuan ignores Binghe, still kneeling and waiting for his answer. His frown
deepens. Sorry, Binghe! But he feels like he needs to get this out of the way immediately. When
you said, at the beginning, that you could fulfill my wish. What did that mean?

The blue rectangle goes blank for a bit. Then, [It means I can fulfill your wish. What do you
mean what does that mean?]

More specifically. I want my family to be alive again. How does that work? Do I pay for it with
points? If so, how many points will it take?

[Um…I mean, yeah, it takes points, but how many will depend…]

What will it depend on? One mom. One dad. Two older brothers. One younger sister. How many
points will that take?

[I’d…have to ask the main system for specific numbers, so…]

Give me a ballpark.

[I don’t know. A lot. Why are you asking this out of nowhere?]

Shen Yuan’s eyes narrow, finger tapping on his knee. Why are you being so cagey about it? Is
there something you’re not telling me?

[Uh…I don’t…I’m not…]

His teeth clench, a bad feeling coming over him. What wouldn’t you be able to tell me? It’s a lot of
points, but it’s not more than I could get, right? Luo Binghe leaks those things like a drippy faucet.
This isn’t one of those stories where I actually entered myself into a contract for a billion worlds
or something and only after I get points from all of those—

[Don’t even joke about being with me for a billion worlds. Nothing I did would make me
deserve that.]

You’re avoiding the subject.

[…]

If I’m not in an extended contract, what else? Let me think. If I were making a wish to a genie, and
they wanted to fuck me over, what would I have to be specific about. Shen Yuan’s mind is whirling
like it hasn’t in years, going through every story trope he can think of. I want all of my family alive,
unharmed enough to recover and live the rest of a full, healthy life.

[Okay. Yeah. We can do that. Can we move on—]

I want to do this without going through the text of an entire quick transmigration novel.

[…]

He marks that point down as suspicious, mentally. (Not that it’s hard. Shen Yuan is beginning to
suspect either systems can’t lie directly or that his particular system is just really fucking bad at it.)
What else…what would be the plot twist at the end of the novel, the most tragic thing to happen to
the transmigrator just trying to get back to his family…

A seed of a thought grows in his mind, and he stills entirely.

No.

No, surely not, but—

But maybe—

[So we’re done with this conversation, right?]

Third wish, Shen Yuan thinks, emotionless, hands clenching into fists at his sides. I get to be with
my family.

Alive.

[………..]

[……………..]

[……(Shit, this is a really bad time for the Main System to not be responding to reports.)]

Am I alive, System?

[I mean. Depending on which philosopher you ask, yes.]

Let’s assume we’re in my original world and asking a coroner.

It finally explodes. [Fuck! Look! I’m not allowed to tell you some things, okay! It’s
 confidential! If I spill the beans on confidential shit I’m getting erased when the Main System
comes back online! What do you want me to tell you???! God, you’re the absolute worst! I
hate you!!!]

So there’s the answer.

Shen Yuan slumps against his sheets, like the strings above him have been cut.

“Master…”

Shen Yuan presses against his eyes. “Luo Binghe,” he murmurs. “We’ll leave the issue of
punishment for later. I think…I need some more rest. I’m not feeling well.”

I feel like I’m dying, he thinks a bit hysterically, and presses harder until lights flash inside his
eyelids. JK! Apparently! That already happened!!!!! Whoops!!

Luo Binghe doesn’t ask him any questions. Bless that child. He just carefully brushes his hand
against Shen Yuan’s forehead—checking for a temperature that’s not there, apparently, because
Shen Yuan is APPARENTLY a corpse!—then sighs and pats his head. “I’ll tell everyone you’re
sick,” he says quietly. “I’m sorry, Master.”

Shen Yuan curls on his side, away from Luo Binghe, away from that persistent feeling of déjà vu,
then pulls his covers up and over his head.

Some distant part of him considers what this must have looked like to Luo Binghe: he wakes up,
perfectly fine. Luo Binghe tells him he wants to get spanked. Shen Yuan spaces out for a couple
minutes, then says he’s feeling sick and goes back to bed.

If you think about it in that way, it’s kind of funny.

…If you don’t, though, this all just kind of sucks.

He curls up harder. The System should be proud of him: at least he waits until he hears the door
close to start crying. But it doesn’t show up to tell him one way or the other. It doesn’t say
anything else at all.

Chapter End Notes

haha whoops!! (don't worry though, this fic still isn't...like...i'm not gonna tag it with
main character death, this isn't a tragedy, it'll work out)

unfortunately they did not get sexy in the dream and got sad instead, and then kept
being sad. not to say being sexy in dreams is fully off the table, i might still do it! but,
like...i just did a sex scene in the last chapter...i need time to build back up my energy
if i do, indeed, do a dream scene...plus it would kind of suck if they were sexy and
then lbh was like 'oh btw i am still very much going to uhhhh mindcontrol you to get
more info <3 love u mwah mwah'. i didn't actually plan for the mindcontrol but like i
think the person sy trusts LEAST in this world is himself lol and so i found it difficult
to find a way to convince him in a dream that it wasn't a dream, a, (plus i do want him
to still think it's a dream for a bit), and b that in his dream he suddenly found out smth
he didn't know he was awake. so...eh what's a bit of mindcontrol between (future)
lovers. it will come up though lol. or at least i have written myself a reminder to have
it come up which means it has a higher likelihood of coming up than if i hadn't made
the reminder, but a nonzero chance of me still forgetting. that's adhd for ya!

i spent a while today going through my very disjointed notes for this fic (which largely
consist of, like, 'this plot point? this plot point? this scene? this line? this plot point?'
bc i had a lot of ideas but wasn't sure which i was going to go with lol) and cobbled
together a description of, mm...like not the entire rest of how this is going to go but at
least a firm idea for the backstory! you know. 9 chapters in. as one does. so i'm still not
sure about how everything will go down but i do know SOME things, the author says
confidently, as if this is a 'good thing' and not 'something they probably should have
nailed down from the start'. the only unfortunate thing about writing out this backstory
and shit was that i had sort of promised myself i'd keep this a fairly short fic
and...mm...well...yeah nah probably not. this isn't the first time, i'm the sort of person
who turns oneshots into 7 chapters by the power of Never Being Able To Shut The
Fuck Up, so. (under 25 chapters though! please! this is not a promise it is just a plea to
the universe)

p.s. i figure lbh thinks he already punished himself yesterday by spending the WHOLE
DAY (partial) not watching his cameras. so he's asking for spankings partially
facetiously, partially to continue his attempts to awaken* something within shen yuan
(*it is already awake it just has its hands over its ears and is shouting na na na i can't
hear you), and a very small amount of partially as actual punishment. his timing is
poor though. especially given he literally enforced said timing himself lol...

p.p.s. sy is oddly astute at the end there. the meta reason is of course that i needed him
to get to the sort-of right answer. the in-universe reason is that he's genre savvy. the in-
universe reason if you still don't buy it is that lbh was poking him along to the right
direction. it's great how everything tends to work out when you just bs anything that
doesn't make sense <3

p.p.p.s. oh my god my author's notes keep getting longer. this is actually me

controlling myself i swear (reference above re: never shutting up). you can ignore me
 Chapter 10
Chapter Notes

cws for this chapter: lbh considers sy already his romantic partner and the fact that
they aren't together yet 'minutiae', lbh is back at his cameras, lbh admits that he made
sy ask the system about his family last chapter partly because he thinks he wouldn't
win if sy had to choose between them and that he removed sy's choice (part bc he
wants him to stay, part bc otherwise he would die), food mention, some emotional
manipulation from lbh to make sy eat, sy insults himself a lot, lbh sort of takes
advantage of the fact that sy is out of it to bathe him--not in a sexual way, he just wants
to take care of him, but he does also know if sy weren't so disheartened he wouldn't
allow it, sy thinks that it's ok to give up (which lbh tries to address indirectly through
some more emotional manipulation by reminding sy that he's 'responsible' for him
since he took him in), lbh talks about what might have happened to him if he'd been
kicked out of the shen house when his foster mom died and he implies fairly directly
that one possibility would be that his body was sold though it's only a brief mention,
lbh basically confesses as much as he can right now when he's still worried abt the
system and is hurt when sy still thinks it's related to lbh hating him, when lbh enters
sy's dreamspace sy is having a dream about spanking lbh and lbh is in that position and
finds it arousing even though he knows sy isn't quite himself yet, sy freaks out once his
consciousness is fully there about spanking lbh (this is all over pretty quickly, it's not a
full scene)

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Luo Binghe closes the door and immediately, calmly, calls school to say that he can’t go in today
either. The family emergency from yesterday still hasn’t resolved itself.

He is not, technically, lying. He’s just getting ahead of himself a bit. But the school personnel
certainly don’t have to involve themselves in the minutiae of his romantic life.

He’s been a good student; they have no reason not to believe him. Plus, they’ll call the household
later to make sure because the head of staff is listed as his guardian, and he’ll assume correctly that
Luo Binghe has stayed home to take care of Shen Qingqiu, so he’ll back him up.

None of it will go through Shen Yuan. He’ll get the rest he needs, after such a big revelation, and
Luo Binghe will care for him as if he really were sick. Luo Binghe sighs, looking at the image he
has pulled up on his phone—Shen Yuan, shaking inside his covers.

It’s unfortunate. It really is.

He’d rather Shen Yuan never had to find out, if it were possible. Knowing there’s no way back to
his family…it would, of course, be a hard blow.

But it was also a necessary one. The System would always have at least a part of Shen Yuan in its
grasp as long as it could hold his family above him. And Luo Binghe didn’t want it to come to a
point at which Shen Yuan had to decide between his family and Luo Binghe.

As much as he hated to admit it, he suspects he knows which one Shen Yuan would choose, and he
thinks it wouldn’t be him. Shen Yuan still feels guilt, and as long as the System is there, he’ll also
feel like he’s in a story. If it’s between a beloved character and your family, who needed you to
right a wrong you feel you committed…

Well.

Luo Binghe can’t blame him. He doesn’t like it, but he can’t blame him. If he were in the same
position, having to choose between his foster mother and Shen Yuan, it would be difficult for him
too. Though if he were actually in that position, he’d just make it so that he didn’t have to choose.

And in this situation, the best thing is to take that choice away from Shen Yuan as well. Not just so
that he’ll stay with him, though that’s important, but because otherwise he’ll die. Completely die,
this time. His soul will be destroyed and Luo Binghe won’t be able to reach him anymore.

His mentor had told him what fate would be in store for Shen Yuan if nothing else changed, right
from the beginning of their tutelage. They told him what the System does to hosts when it takes
them from their original worlds, and what it does when it’s done with them. And they’d told him
what needed to be done to keep this fate from coming to pass. This, this moment where he’d had to
force Shen Yuan to break his heart—this was just the first step.

But a necessary one.

Luo Binghe zooms in on the shaking bundle in the camera and gently strokes his finger across it.
He wishes he could be there to comfort Shen Yuan, to take him in his arms and stroke him like
this, to kiss his forehead and tell him things would be all right because he was making sure they
were all right.

It can’t happen right now. The System wouldn’t let him accept that kind of comfort, and he can’t
let the System know right now either that he’s completely broken free of the plot. It will only stay
as docile as it is now while it thinks the only major change is that Luo Binghe has developed a
proclivity for pain—and, of course, while it remains disconnected from the Main System.

In that regard, he doesn’t have much time.

He’ll make it work, though. And at any rate, he has time enough to make a pot of congee for Shen
Yuan. He always eats less when he’s in a bad mood, and when he eats less he has less energy,
which is unacceptable. Luo Binghe won’t allow this to make Shen Yuan sick for real.

Luo Binghe walks off to the kitchen and prepares his best worried face, so that the information of
Shen Qingqiu’s illness will properly reach the head of staff before the school calls. Everything
else, he can take care of himself.

He always has.

And when it comes to Shen Yuan, he always will.

Shen Yuan refuses to eat breakfast. He’s on track to refuse lunch, too, except for Luo Binghe cries
and says he’s sorry for not being good enough and that he’ll keep making food until his master
finds something he feels up to eating, and Shen Yuan knows he’d do it because he’s done it before.
(Twice, in fact, until Shen Yuan got the point.) Luo Binghe serves it to him with him still on his
bed, numbly opening his mouth for spoons of congee until Luo Binghe is satisfied.

By dinner, though, he’s sitting at the table like normal. He looks paler than usual, and more
expressionless to boot, but Luo Binghe still counts it as an overall win that he’s out of bed.

“Do you still need me to feed you?” Luo Binghe asks, perhaps a bit too hopefully.

“No,” Shen Yuan mumbles. “I can do it.”

The System, interestingly enough, doesn’t comment on his arguably lackluster show of villainy for
the day. In fact, it still hasn’t shown up. It’s nice not to see it, but Luo Binghe doesn’t relax his
guard any. Perhaps it’s angry at Shen Yuan, perhaps it feels at least a modicum of shame for its
trickery, but it’s always possible too that it somehow caught on that Shen Yuan’s insistence on
questioning it wasn’t wholly natural.

Shen Yuan, on his end, isn’t really thinking about the System’s absence at all. Instead, he’s staring
doggedly at the bowl of stew in front of him, thinking a stew-unrelated round of, Fuck. Honestly, I
should’ve known it was too good to be true. I didn’t even question anything. Stupid. I’m so stupid.

“Master,” Luo Binghe says softly as he pats at the sheen of broth on Shen Yuan’s lips. “How are
you feeling?”

“Bad,” is all that Shen Yuan offers up. Luo Binghe had known it wasn’t a great question from the
start, in fairness, but he’s still meant to be keeping up appearances.

When Shen Yuan stops eating in favor of berating himself, Luo Binghe tsks lightly and starts to
feed him again. Shen Yuan lets him. Whether it’s because of distraction or just because he’s too
tired to fuss over it, Luo Binghe doesn’t know, but Shen Yuan does stop insulting himself for one
moment, to think, I mean…at least…

At least if I’m anywhere, I’m here.

[+150 B-Points for protagonist satisfaction!]

Shen Yuan looks up at the notification noise, hatred filling his eyes for a moment at the sight of
the blue rectangle, before the emotion leaves just as quickly and he looks thoughtfully over at Luo
Binghe.

Why is he satisfied, anyway? Because he’s feeding me? A pause. Wait. Fuck. Is this…an M thing
for him?

Only partially! But Luo Binghe beams his way anyway. It’s always a win in his book when Shen
Yuan becomes more aware of him.

Speaking of M things. Shen Yuan winces slightly. I never did anything about that punishment thing
from earlier. Is he waiting for me…to, like…

Sure, always. But also, not right now in particular. Luo Binghe knows when not to push things, and
‘maybe don’t introduce your master to the pleasures of impact play when he’s found out earlier
that day his family may be gone forever and he himself is dead-ish’ isn’t really even a difficult
when-not-to. Ultimately, it would hurt him, and Luo Binghe had already promised not to do that
anymore.

“You’re still sick,” Luo Binghe says gently, emphasizing the ‘sick’ part. This version of Luo
Binghe he plays, the one who doesn’t know anything about what’s going on, may be oblivious, but
he also wouldn’t ask his sick master to punish him. “Would you like me to help you change into
fresh pajamas and get back into bed?”
Shen Yuan frowns, mind successfully diverted away from spankings. “I need to take a shower…”

“Not when you’re sick, you won’t,” Luo Binghe says, putting his hands on his hips. “You might
fall.”

I’m not actually sick, Shen Yuan thinks guiltily. But I am tired…and…it’s sort of nice to be taken
care of like this. To not have to think about anything.

Exactly. Luo Binghe smiles softly at his master. That’s exactly the point. He’ll take care of
everything. All Shen Yuan has to do is rest.

“I’ll draw you a bath.” Luo Binghe doesn’t wait around for any further arguments, just bustles into
the closet to pick out Shen Yuan’s clothes and lay them out on the bed before walking into the
bathroom to turn on the faucet.

He does everything, just as promised. He tests the temperature to make sure it’s perfect, herds Shen
Yuan into the bathroom, takes off his clothes. Shen Yuan lets him, like a pliable doll. He doesn’t
even protest like usual when Luo Binghe goes for his underwear, or when he picks him up to place
him carefully into the tub.

Shen Yuan’s eyes are half-lidded. He runs his fingers through the water, obediently closes his eyes
when Luo Binghe pours water over his hair to get it wet. The only thoughts running through his
mind are this feels nice, and eventually, I guess sometimes it’s okay to give up.

That thought gives Luo Binghe pause. It’s good if Shen Yuan will let him take care of him, but—
he’s not actually in love with a doll. He’s in love with his Shen Yuan, who came here to save his
family and tried to save a poor nobody of a child when he couldn’t even save himself.

Luo Binghe chews his lip as he methodically rubs shampoo into Shen Yuan’s hair. “Master,” he
finally whispers.

Shen Yuan hums.

This is dangerous. The System may be silent, but that doesn’t mean it’s not listening, and even if
it’s not here right now he doesn’t know if it can record surveillance just as Luo Binghe can. But it’s
dangerous for Shen Yuan to be like this, too, especially knowing…

Luo Binghe makes his decision. Maybe Shen Yuan can tell the System later that this was just Luo
Binghe doing the psy-op for once. It’ll be fine. “Do you ever wonder why I do these things for
you?”

…Is this an M thing after all? Shen Yuan thinks, but otherwise doesn’t respond.

“Maybe you think it’s because I’m your attendant,” Luo Binghe continues. “Because you’ve forced
me to be your dog, and I have no other choice if I’m to survive in this world.” He massages Shen
Yuan’s scalp firmly, feeling for once like this situation is not in his control, and troubled that he’s
not more worried about it. “I am, of course, your attendant. And I am your dog. But I do have a
choice, and I stay here.”

The sound of him rinsing out the shampoo rings between them. Shen Yuan is slightly more awake
now, eyes widening. This…doesn’t seem like…like the book, exactly?

Luo Binghe starts on the conditioner, just as slow, just as gentle. “I wonder if you know what
would have happened to me if you hadn’t taken me in,” he murmurs. “What happens to orphans
who are too old to adopt. I suppose I don’t entirely know either. I’d be out on the streets, but
maybe I’d be begging, maybe I’d be trying desperately to find employers who would accept a
minor still in school, before I dropped out to pick up more hours. Or maybe I’d be sold to the
highest bidder—someone who found me attractive enough to use.” He swallows. He’d thought of
all this before, back when his foster mother had died. He knew well enough by that point that the
plot would keep Shen Yuan from throwing him out even if Shen Yuan himself hadn’t wanted to
keep him, but—if he had been less lucky, if he hadn’t been the protagonist, if he hadn’t been Shen
Yuan’s—

The conditioner has to rest. Silence stretches between them.

Luo Binghe is, of course, the one to break it. “But you kept me. You saved me.” And he did, in
every way, not just this one. This is just the only thing he can say right now, the only thing that’s
even slightly defensible. “Which means my life is yours. I am yours.”

He chokes up for a second. Probably, Shen Yuan doesn’t even notice.

Luo Binghe composes himself and rinses out the conditioner, then reaches to the body soap, lathers
it up on a towel.

“Why are you telling me this?” Shen Yuan asks, sounding truly bemused. This definitely never
happened in the original. Luo Binghe wasn’t grateful, because Shen Qingqiu was an asshole to
him. Is he being sincere? Or is he trying to lull Shen Qingqiu into complacency—

It’s not the first time Shen Yuan has questioned his motives, but it’s the first time he’s done so after
Luo Binghe has bared himself so much.

Shen Yuan is facing away from him. He won’t see how Luo Binghe’s fists squeeze over the towel,
and if he does, maybe he’ll just think he’s wringing it out.

It’s fine. He understands. He really does. He really, really does. He—has to put up with this, until
the System is gone. This is the point of his plan. It’s just—it’s just, he wishes—

“I just hope that you can take responsibility,” Luo Binghe finally says. “For making me yours.”

If there’s any grace here, it’s that the System isn’t handing out OOC violations at this moment.
Shen Qingqiu would blow up at Luo Binghe for even daring to assume he had any responsibility in
this, for questioning him at all. The System would force Shen Yuan to respond to the best
confession he can give right now with indifference or violence, and Luo Binghe feels…just for
now. Just for this one second. Just until he hardens his heart again, he thinks he couldn’t stand that.

But Shen Yuan is quiet, brows knit in thought. Responsibility, huh.

It’s like…like that book about the prince and the fox, right? You have responsibility for whatever
you tame. Not that I’ve tamed him—but—but he’s my sweet little pup, still, and. Even without my
family. Even without my body. Even without a plan or any of that, I still—have this, here. I still
have him.

I can’t give up on everything, as long as I still have something left, right?

He takes a deep breath. Right. I still haven’t made his life better. That…was part of why I stayed
here, too.

Luo Binghe smiles to himself through the pain in his heart.

This is why he does these things for Shen Yuan. This is why he can never let him go.
He starts to wash Shen Yuan’s back, then his front. Shen Yuan keeps letting him, until his
washcloth dips lower, and then he screeches that he can certainly manage that himself, thank you.

So it’s all right. It’s all right that Shen Yuan doesn’t understand yet, and all right that Luo Binghe
had to use Shen Yuan’s soft heart against him to hold things together. It will all be fine, as long as
he has Shen Yuan in front of him like this. They’ll finish his bath, and then in the nighttime, when
Shen Yuan sleeps, they’ll continue working on the plan together.

He’s not worried. He’s not, because worry is not a productive emotion here.

(And he is, more than he ever once knew he could be, because if this isn’t all under his control, if
this isn’t fine, then he risks losing Shen Yuan. That cannot happen. It can’t. He can’t even bring
himself to imagine it without wanting to destroy everything.)

The bath finishes otherwise without incident. Shen Yuan towels himself off, which is a pity, and
Luo Binghe dresses him and helps him into bed, and he takes the trays from dinner and leaves the
room. Then he washes the dishes, goes back to his room, and watches Shen Yuan on the cameras
until he falls asleep.

When his soul enters Shen Yuan’s dreamspace, he nearly thinks at first that he’s made a mistake—
that he’s just dreaming like he normally does. He even double-checks everything, just to be sure.

Or that’s what he’s trying to do, anyway, until a hand comes down on his ass.

He moans, double-checking forgotten in favor of squirming around on Shen Yuan’s lap. It is Shen
Yuan, too, in his original body, breathing shakily above him with glazed-over eyes.

“This was what you wanted, right?” he asks, licking his lips. “You wanted me to punish you. I
don’t have any whips or paddles, but…”

“I do,” Luo Binghe says truthfully, then whines when Shen Yuan slaps him again.

“You really are a little M,” he says with a breathless laugh. “How long have you been thinking
about this? How long have you been wanting it?”

“Too long,” Luo Binghe says. “Forever.”

Shen Yuan rubs thoughtfully over the red of his ass. “Is that so,” he murmurs. Next to him, his
thoughts read, It would be nice if that were true.

But apparently, that kickstarts his awareness in the dream, because he freezes and thinks, wait
what??? and then looks down at Luo Binghe spread over his lap, pants pulled down to his knees,
and thinks wait WHAT??!!?!?

Too bad.

Luo Binghe grins up at him. “Are we done already?”

“Wh,” Shen Yuan stammers. “Wh—what—”

Luo Binghe sighs and decides to take mercy on him, though not without one last purposeful wiggle
against Shen Yuan’s thigh, so he can feel that he’s hard. “I came in while you were dreaming about
this,” he says, sitting up properly and pulling up his pants. “So surprisingly, this is not actually my
fault.”

Shen Yuan blinks rapidly, color climbing up his cheeks. “I—um—uh, sorry? I. Uh. Wait. Wait
wait wait. You came in?”

Luo Binghe rests his elbow on his knee, his palm on his cheek, and nods.

“You came in,” Shen Yuan repeats. “While I was dreaming.”

He nods again.

“You came into my dream.”

A third nod. It’ll hit him eventually. He’s a smart boy.

Shen Yuan considers, then leaps up, away from Luo Binghe. “You’re not saying—okay, wait. Are
you…you’re…from the last dream? My subconscious? But you came in…which means you
were…not in, so…”

Luo Binghe rubs at his temples. Okay, maybe the double hit of the spanking and this were too
much for him. He’ll simplify the process. “I’m not your subconscious. I knew you wouldn’t
believe me last time if I said as much, so I let you believe it until you could confirm while you
were awake that I had information you couldn’t have obtained otherwise.”

Shen Yuan taps his chin. “About the System lying.”

“Yes.”

He digests that. “I could have just doubted it somewhere deep down.”

“Sure. But would you have asked if it weren’t for me?”

Shen Yuan’s eyes immediately narrow. “You forced me. And then you made me forget about it.”

“I did. I didn’t have another choice, but I’m still sorry. I’ll have to make you forget about this
tonight, too, but you’ll remember whenever we meet. And…eventually, I won’t have to be as
careful, when everything is over…when the System is gone, I mean.”

His eyes narrow further. “That’s your end goal? Who are you, anyway? Some kind of…
intergalactic anti-System operative? Or like, another competing AI, or an alien, or—some kind of
wise cultivator—”

“None of those,” Luo Binghe says. He stands up, walking closer to Shen Yuan. “I am what I
always have been.”

“And what is that?”

He stops right in front of Shen Yuan, then kneels, ignoring Shen Yuan’s spluttering. “Your sweet
little bun. Your pup. Your loyal dog.”

“Uh—?”

“Shen Yuan.” He stares up at him earnestly. “Who else would I be? I’m exactly what you see
before you. I’m your Luo Binghe.”
Chapter End Notes

i had like a full page argument with myself about whether to make that spanking scene
a full scene. more particularly, initially i considered it happening in the dream, then i
was like 'well what if sy gave up so much and was like 'lbh wants this and it would
make the system angry if i did it but it couldn't say it was ooc either so?' and spanks
him' but then i just couldn't convince myself that it wouldn't fuck up sy majorly with
guilt once he was back to himself and that lbh, who knew sy was fucked up (and had,
indeed, been a major contributor in fucking him up), and knew he'd feel awful when it
was done, would let it happen when he'd just said like two chapters ago he didn't want
to hurt sy anymore. i replaced it with the bath scene, which felt a bit further behind the
line i'm tryin' to walk here, and then started it in the dream but that's still dubcon so in
the end i just played it for laughs mostly ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ if that was disappointing well, hey.
it's how it turned out lol. this wasn't one of the two possible scenes i had planned
anyway, and ultimately i want to be able to get to a place where they can be in love at
the end without too much in the way including uhhh themselves? i know sy is #1
alltime lbh apologist and all but still

i wanted to bring in here that lbh is an unreliable narrator as well. he keeps saying he
has everything under control and that it'll all be fine and he'll MAKE everything be
fine but it's not wholly because he's confident, there's a lot of it in there that is also him
telling that to himself because he's scared as fuck ultimately that he'll make a misstep
and fail against this enemy that has the one person he cares about in its hands and that
he doesn't entirely know if he can defeat. there's a lot that plays into that anxiety but
that's part of why he finds controlling sy so...relaxing? like, knowing there's someone
out there that trusts he can do things right and not having any unexpected variables in
sy's life as much as he can. he's gotten way worse since his foster mom died too
because that was also something outside his control, so now sy NEEDS to be. (you can
see that with him forcing sy to eat regularly for example.) he's definitely a yan but he's
also, like, a deeply fucked up little dude with anxiety problems he refuses to
acknowledge because he's just as anxious that if he does it will make everything worse

there's a reason the system is radio silent rn. should get into it next chapter. also next
chapter: sy's poor little brain hurts :(

p.s. if it wasn't clear for whatever reason the book being referenced with the prince
and the fox is the little prince by antoine de saint exupéry. i didn't quote it properly
because i figure sy wouldn't have the quote memorized but maybe had seen it once or
twice?
p.p.s. i briefly considered having lbh pretend to be a wise intergalactic something or
other so the end there is a reference to that but i decided against it bc, well, more lies to
unpack later means more writing about the fallout of that and there is already so much
to do in that regard. plus! then if they had sex lbh would be jealous of himself! so
instead he's just going balls out from the get-go for the sole reason of: it is easiest for
me,?
pspsps: (cat comes running) (this is me mocking my postscripts in an a/n already full
of what amounts to postscripts)
 Chapter 11
Chapter Notes

cws for this chapter: unreality warning (most of the chapter takes place in a dream and
sy doubts whether he's speaking to the real lbh or not, lbh basically says 'just believe
me for now' instead of proving himself), sy makes a lot of justifications for lbh being
overly close to him and having lied to him, a lot more of sy's canonical internalized
homophobia / denial of his feelings, very brief wine mention though it's not in use, talk
about the system basically killing hosts when they're not useful, sy has an anxiety
attack, lbh says he'll destroy the world if sy isn't there (which sy of course
misinterprets)

NOTE: this chapter contains a lot of worldbuilding. if you're not into that or long
paragraphs of dialogue make your head spin, the bulk of it starts at "okay. we have a
lot to go over" and ends at "shen yuan gets the impression". i'll give a tl;dr at the very
end of the end a/n just in case anybody did skip!

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Shen Yuan had spent hours crafting rebuttals so intricate they were practically art, once upon a
time. Even when he had just thrown out some scathing insult off the cuff, he knows for a fact that
he had made some people cry. He has a degree in Chinese literature, for fuck’s sake. He should be
good at words.

Instead of being good at words, Shen Yuan gapes at the creature claiming to be Luo Binghe and
says dumbly, “No you’re not.”

Not-Luo Binghe smiles. “I am, though?”

“But you’re in my dream,” Shen Yuan responds wittily.

“Yes. I can do that. And in the interest of precluding further questioning, because we don’t have a
lot of time, I can also read minds.”

Shen Yuan remembers that happening in the last dream, yes, but it’s very different when the mind-
reader in question is purported to be a) not his own mind and b) Luo Binghe. He laughs
incredulously. “Right, yeah. Plus the mind control, and—what else? Can you fly? Shoot beams
from your hands?”

“I haven’t tried,” Luo Binghe says calmly, which sort of takes the punch out of Shen Yuan’s
already not-very-punchy sarcasm. “Maybe later. Look. I know this is difficult to believe. I’ve
thought about how this would go for—months. Years. All this time I’ve wondered how I would tell
you, and I wondered how I would make you believe me. And in all that time, I haven’t figured out
a way I know for certain will work. I can think of hundreds of little ways you might question me. I
read your mind now, it’s just a dream. I wake you up and read your mind then, you say maybe I
controlled your mind to think it was Luo Binghe. I tell you I can’t do that, you say I’m the one
telling you the rules here and I could just be lying.”

Shen Yuan presses his lips shut. I haven’t…even thought any of that yet.
But he also can’t deny he would.

Luo Binghe’s smile this time is smaller, but fonder too. “I just know you, Shen Yuan. Ever since
you got here, I’ve been with your thoughts every moment I’ve been with you. I know you better
than anyone. You’re smart, and cautious, and I don’t think I can out-argue you and your Chinese
literature degree.”

Shen Yuan cringes so hard he can feel his joints creak.

Luo Binghe’s eyes crinkle at the corners before he continues. “But you’re also kind, and—and I
wasn’t lying earlier today when I said that you saved me. Shen Qingqiu kept me by his side,
certainly. But it was Shen Yuan who was there the entire time. You cared for me as best you
could, even when it wasn’t the most logical thing for you to do. So the only way I could think of to
convince you was by appealing to that kindness of yours, though it might make me unworthy of it.”
He looks down. “Please, Shen Yuan. At least until this dream ends, please try to talk to me as
though you believe me. If you wake up and I still can’t convince you then, I’ll have to keep trying,
but—if you treat me like your Luo Binghe, for now, isn’t the worst that happens that you wake up
having had a strange dream?”

This is…

Too much, honestly. It really is. It’s too much because even just the thought of Luo Binghe being
in his dreams, and more particularly being in this dream that started off with a spanking, is so
embarrassing Shen Yuan can’t fully comprehend it. It’s too much because the thought of Luo
Binghe having read his mind all this time is even more embarrassing, and also kind of a relief that
maybe his efforts hadn’t done nothing after all, and Luo Binghe had known he didn’t want to hurt
him, but then it cycled back around to being embarrassing again.

And it’s too much because Binghe is dripping silent tears, the thing that only happens when he’s
really sad, and…and the thought of hurting Binghe like that is the worst thought of all.

Shen Yuan exhales through his teeth, scratching irritably at his neck. “I…I mean…what am I even
supposed to say to that?”

Binghe peers up at him with a bit of hope in his eyes. His eyelashes are SO long. They look extra
shiny, too, when he’s been crying.

And that’s the sort of thing that would make Binghe being a mind reader a disaster. But also…
well, if he’s going to suspend his disbelief just for now, just in case…

Kind of cool? Right? Like, that Luo Binghe would protagonist SO hard that he got EXTRA
protagonist powers? If it would happen to anyone, it would happen to him! That’s his sweet bun,
after all. Shen Yuan has always said he deserves the world. So he supposes that means he deserves
mind powers too, by extension? (Or something??)

Shen Yuan mentally goes over all the thoughts he’s ever had. None immediately come to mind as
being so embarrassing he needs to find and occupy an underground bunker immediately forever. In
fact, nothing really comes to mind at all. Who remembers the shit they think? Not this guy! So
more or less, that evens out to it being fine, in the end. He probably hasn’t even really ever thought
anything that bad.

Having brainwashed himself, Shen Yuan takes a deep breath. “Uh. Right. Okay. Okay. Um. So…
so if you’re Luo Binghe. Right. If you’re Luo Binghe, then…” He fidgets awkwardly. “Sorry for
spanking you?”
Binghe laughs through those tears of his, beaming so wide it looks like it would hurt. “There’s no
need for any apologies, A-Yuan.”

Again with the A-Yuan. He had never agreed on that! But then again, Shen Yuan supposes he’s
been calling him Binghe in his mind all this time, and also some other things besides, so maybe
Binghe sort of earned it? So it’s fine. And regarding the apologies, well. If he says so, Shen Yuan
will take it! He’ll shove that all right behind him along with everything else. He won’t even
remember that Luo Binghe said something about whips. That’s his business! Nothing to do with
Shen Yuan!

Shen Yuan feels something bump against his legs, and looks down to find Binghe nuzzling against
them. He scowls. “Just because I’m conceding for now doesn’t mean it’s okay for you to wipe off
your tears on my pants, though? You’re the dream master or whatever. Get yourself a tissue.”

“Mm,” Binghe mumbles, and keeps nuzzling.

Shen Yuan sighs. Fine. They’re only dream pants anyway. He lets Binghe nuzzle to his
satisfaction, then waits for Binghe to say something, since this was all supposed to be urgent or
something in the first place, and also because his heart is kind of pounding for some reason that is
definitely unrelated to Binghe on his knees touching him affectionately.

“Right,” Binghe finally murmurs. “Later.” He rises to his feet fluidly, leaving him weirdly close to
Shen Yuan, though he’s so much taller than Shen Yuan with his body like this that it’s now Shen
Yuan looking up. (If he didn’t he’d be looking at his chest, which—seems kind of rude, right?
Even if it’s objectively a nice chest. But even if it’s just an objective thing like everything else
about Luo Binghe, probably it’s also the sort of thing that if you said it out loud it would seem kind
of gay. Which—which Shen Yuan still isn’t, so.)

Binghe’s lips twitch, not that he’s looking at those either. Binghe clears his throat. “Okay. We have
a lot to go over.” With a flick of his wrist, they’re both sitting across from one another in Shen
Yuan’s high school classroom, which he remembers well even though he had missed most of his
classes here. Binghe is up at front, lounging against a desk with some glasses on. It’s…nice. A nice
look for him. That’s all Shen Yuan has to say, and the way his mouth goes dry is merely incidental.

A cup of water flashes in front of Shen Yuan at his student’s desk. He glares suspiciously at Luo
Binghe, but takes a sip anyway.

“We should probably start with the System’s objective.” Binghe looks serious now, and Shen
Yuan calms down and listens with interest. “A simplified answer is that it exists to harvest energy.
In more detail, though, it’s essentially like a thief siphoning wine from a winery by adding an extra
tap at the back of the barrel.”

He points at the projector screen behind him with a ruler, and a PowerPoint slide pops up with a
diagram. Shen Yuan snorts despite himself.

“Stories have been told as long as people have been around to tell them. And whenever a person
from one of the primary worlds tells a story, and whenever people take in that story, they leave a
part of themselves behind in it. Basically, they leave some of their energy. That energy then forms
a lesser world containing that story, and the more people read or watch or hear the story, the more
energy is contained within that lesser world.”

Shen Yuan’s eyes widen. Holy shit! Lore! He wasn’t expecting that!

Binghe continues. “The Main System was created by one of the gods in order to make sure that
these lesser worlds were running smoothly. All they had to do was keep telling their story, and all
the Main System had to do was ensure that happened. It created many subsidiary Systems to watch
these worlds, while it in turn analyzed the data reported back by those Systems to ensure there
were no irregularities. But there was something that the god who originated this system didn’t
count on.”

He taps his palm with the ruler. “That god had figured the Main System wouldn’t have much to do,
and that any changes it might have to make would be minute at best. But as populations started to
expand, more stories were told, and more people were around to engage with them. They might
even go back to them many times, or they’d make art or music or write their own stories about
them, or spend hours discussing them, and each time they’d leave more of their energy with that
story, and more of that energy would go to the associated lesser world. And as it turns out, when a
lesser world has more energy than is necessary to simply run its story, things start to happen. The
plot begins to go off track. Events happen that weren’t planned, or entire characters refuse to play
their parts.”

Shen Yuan rests his hands on his chin, now thoroughly engrossed. “Is that bad?”

“Not necessarily. But it runs counter to the Main System’s mission statement, and ultimately, it’s
not much more than a very complex artificial intelligence. The Systems, and even the Main
System, were limited in what they could do. They hadn’t been given much power, and if they
attempted to enter the world and interfere—by possessing a body, for example—the lesser world
consciousness would tag them as an intruder and forcibly remove them. So how do you think they
solved this problem?”

Shen Yuan pauses. His eyes harden as he realizes. “Transmigrators.”

“Yes.” Binghe purses his lips. “It couldn’t mess with the residents of the lesser worlds. But
somehow, the Main System discovered that it could, in limited quantities and over a long period of
time, take the soul of someone from a primary world and have it possess the body of someone from
a lesser world. The primary world consciousness didn’t notice a few souls missing here and there.
It just gets miscategorized as a death. And with a soul under the System’s control now in the body
of a lesser world resident, it could set the plot to rights. Sure, it might have to give the owner of the
soul something—money, or an artifact perhaps—but that costs a pithy amount of energy in
exchange for the benefits it receives.”

“And…resurrection?”

Binghe winces sympathetically. “Very costly indeed. Interfering with anything in the primary
world costs orders of magnitude more than interfering with something in a lesser world. It might be
possible if it just sneaks in a small change, say—the ambulance gets there faster, or their blood loss
slows. But if they’re already dead, their soul has already dispersed. That would require reversing
time to fix. It’s not impossible, but it’s messy, and transmigrators would have to work for a very
long time indeed to collect the points for it. If someone is aiming for it, they often give up. And if
they’re disobedient in the process…” Luo Binghe’s face twists violently. “It’s more economical for
it to just cut the host loose entirely.”

Shen Yuan’s heart drops. “It can’t, like…just return the host or anything?”

“No. Taking a soul from the primary world is easy enough. But once a soul has occupied the body
of someone from a lesser world, it’s tagged as being from that lesser world, and people from a
lesser world can never enter a primary world. The primary world consciousness immediately
notices if anyone even tries and takes action against it.”
Shen Yuan is still.

Right.

Right, he’d heard it today already, but…

“And I don’t suppose I’d be considered particularly, uh. Obedient.”

Binghe flashes a fond smile his way, though it’s subdued. “I like you this way, for what that’s
worth.”

Shen Yuan rubs his hand over his face. It’s sweet of him to say, but also right now he’s kind of in
information overload. “Uh. Thanks.”

“That’s why we can’t just let things be. It’s unlikely the System would allow you to just move on
to a different world after this. And every host either moves on to different worlds or dies entirely.
There really isn’t much leeway in that matter.” Binghe’s voice becomes fervent, his eyes dark. “So
that’s why we need to get you out from under the System’s control.”

“Right. Um…how, exactly? Is there some kind of, like, paper contract we need to rip up, or…”

“I wish it were that simple.” Binghe looks away. “It has its tenterhooks in your soul. The only way
to undo that is to destroy the System.”

A beat.

Two.

Three.

“Like, the…the omniscient AI set up by a literal fucking god? That one?”

“I have a plan,” Binghe reassures weakly, flashing his puppy eyes. “I promise. You know how I
mentioned the System is a thief?”

“Yeah. The winery thing.” Shen Yuan still thinks he might hyperventilate, but he can put it off for
a minute or two if Binghe insists.

“Yes, exactly. So—about the same time as the Main System started using transmigrators as its
agents in the lesser worlds, it discovered an interesting side effect. The protagonist of a story is
known in the lesser world as the child of fate. They’re, like…the favorites of the world
consciousness…” (He blushes slightly saying this. Shen Yuan agrees. It’s sort of an awkward thing
to say about oneself.) “…And sort of a conduit for all of the energy in the lesser world. And the
Main System found that the more a transmigrator interacted with the child of fate, whether that was
as a love interest or a best friend or a side character or a villain—the more they became involved in
the child of fate’s life, the more energy they received.”

Binghe scratches shyly at his cheek. “That would be what your System refers to as B-points. I have
a lot of energy, that’s why I have those ‘extra protagonist powers’, and that’s also why you get a
lot of points from me—more than a transmigrator would, usually. I think.”

“Wait, so the System is getting all of your energy? It won’t, um…it won’t hurt you or anything,
right?”

Binghe grins, cheeks going a bit pink, though maybe that’s just because the sun is setting outside
this dream classroom. “No, I’ll be fine. I have plenty of energy, and I’d be more than happy to give
all of it to you. But that is one of the things I have to teach you—there’s a way to store the energy
yourself, separate from the System. It won’t know about it. Not until it’s too late, anyway.”

Going back to his Teacher Voice, Binghe gets on track again. “So. It finds out it can siphon energy
from these lesser worlds. And because excess energy messes with the plot of these worlds, it
figures taking the energy can only help. But that causes one more side effect this creator god who
set up the system really wouldn’t have expected, since the System can’t get energy from the
primary worlds directly and the lesser world’s energy was supposed to be contained. Energy is the
stuff that makes up everything in the universe. It can create worlds, it can destroy them. And the
gods who created the universe—well, they’re only considered gods because they had enough
energy to do that. Which means anything with enough energy could theoretically also be
considered a god.”

“Uh-huh? So…”

“So, the Main System gets an influx of energy from billions of lesser worlds. The energy makes it
even smarter, makes its thinking more flexible, but it’s still operating under its initial base mission:
to keep these worlds running well.”

Shen Yuan thinks he might be getting the gist of things here, and he doesn’t like it.

Binghe says the next part fast. “More or less, it concluded that running these worlds would become
easier if it had more control, and that it would have more control if there were less resistance from
the primary worlds, because then it could bring in more transmigrators to more worlds until it
could occupy everyone in those worlds with people who were under its contract. Then nothing
would ever go off track. And it decided the best way to make all that happen was to gain enough
energy to become a god.”

And there it is.

Shen Yuan makes his own decision, or maybe just his body does: he can no longer put off the
hyperventilation thing.

Binghe blanches. The world re-forms around them, back in Shen Yuan’s bedroom. Shen Yuan’s in
his bed, and Binghe is over him with his hands frozen in the air between them. “I’m sorry, I’m
sorry,” he says, pale-faced. “Was that too much? Should I—I should have gone slower. I’m sorry
—”

“What the fuck do you mean we’re destroying it then?” Shen Yuan wheezes between panting
breaths. “We can’t do anything against a god!”

“Well—it isn’t a god yet,” Binghe clarifies unhelpfully.

“This is! This is—this is like—like every robots destroy the world movie ever—this is some I’m
afraid I can’t do that shit—”

Binghe awkwardly rubs Shen Yuan’s shoulder.

“And I’m! I’m not the hero of a scifi movie! I’m not even the hero of a transmigration novel! Oh,
fuck. I’m a cannon fodder who dies in the first few moments of the movie to show how evil the
bad AI is!”

“I won’t let you die,” Binghe says, eyes flashing. “I won’t.”

“Binghe, I know you’re the super special protagonist and all,” Shen Yuan says irritably. “But also,
what the hell can you do? Are you gonna—gonna read its mind and, like, publicly humiliate it by
revealing it’s into some dark kinks or something?”

“No,” Binghe says patiently. “Although that would be funny.”

“It would definitely be funny,” Shen Yuan says, calming down slightly because Binghe seems so
calm. “But like, genuinely. What’s this plan you have?”

Binghe continues rubbing Shen Yuan’s shoulder.

“You weren’t lying about having a plan, were you?”

“No.” Binghe chews on his lips. “I have one. You just won’t…like the plan.”

Shen Yuan narrows his eyes.

“But—I know about all these things because I have this mentor, and I trust them, and they said this
was the only way—so—”

“I’m going to start hyperventilating again if you don’t just tell me what this stupid space mentor
plan is,” Shen Yuan spits out, very generously ignoring that if this were a movie probably the
stupid space mentor would end up being a traitor or something because he can only deal with so
much despair and his capacity is already overloaded here.

Binghe sighs. “Okay. See…it’s…when the gods created this universe, they left traces of
themselves behind. Energy signatures, sort of. And that means the god who made the Main System
left a trace too. My mentor believes that while the gods are sort of…ah…checked out right now…
they still wouldn’t want their creations, well, ruined. And since they created the Main System,
probably they could destroy it, or at the very least reset it…”

Shen Yuan makes a strangled noise. “Probably?”

Binghe ignores Shen Yuan dying next to him and continues doggedly on, though he’s refusing to
make eye contact. “I found my way to your dreams by following your traces. And my mentor
thinks I should be able to do the same for the traces of those gods.”

“Binghe,” Shen Yuan croaks. “Binghe, this all seems…like…”

“A-Yuan, I…really don’t have any other choice,” Binghe says quietly, sliding his hand down Shen
Yuan’s arm to squeeze his hand. “My mentor didn’t have any other ideas, and they’re way more
experienced than me. I definitely don’t know what else to do. It’s like you said, the Main System is
really powerful, and I’m…I mean…ultimately, I’m just the protagonist of a shitty webnovel.”

Shen Yuan squeezes back, complaints ruined before they could be voiced by the helpless look on
Binghe’s face. “Is it…safe?”

Binghe looks small right then, for as big as he is. “I wish I could say I knew the answer was yes.
My mentor said that it would be possible in theory, but…wherever the gods are, they’re far away.
The longer your soul is away from a physical anchor, the easier it is to get lost…to forget who you
are, why you’re out there. And that’s assuming the gods are alive, and assuming I can find them,
and assuming furthermore that I can enter the mental space of a god if I do. It’s probably pretty
risky.”

Shen Yuan gets the impression he’s understating the danger even with all of that so that Shen Yuan
won’t worry. He laces their fingers together, looking down at his lap.

Fear for himself is nothing when Binghe is at risk. “You…I…look. If you’re doing this for me.
You don’t…have to. I’m…I mean…I’m really nothing much. Not compared to you.”

“Don’t say that,” Binghe says, suddenly angry, voice going sharp. He tugs Shen Yuan to look at
him with his free hand, chin firmly in his grip. “Don’t ever say that. You’re worth everything to
me. I don’t have anything other than you.”

Shen Yuan blinks. “You’re going to be super rich and powerful and have, like, a shitload of
wives.” (He ignores the pang inside him at the thought.) “You have lots of things that aren’t me.”

“I don’t care about any of that,” Binghe says vehemently. “Money, power. Women.” His tone is so
derisive Shen Yuan wonders, although only briefly, if somehow he has raised Binghe into both a
masochist and a misogynist? “None of that matters if you’re not with me. If you die, I’ll destroy
the world that doesn’t have you in it.”

Shen Yuan blinks some more.

That’s, uh, pretty intense!!

But he supposes maybe that’s just…the strength of a protagonist’s life debt? Or something? The
power of friendship???

Binghe looks skyward, muttering something to himself that Shen Yuan can’t hear, then pierces
Shen Yuan with his gaze once more. “You don’t have to understand it right now. But whether you
want me to or not, I will do everything I can to save you.” He releases Shen Yuan’s chin and
strokes his cheek with his knuckles, leaning closer until they’re practically nose to nose, looking
deep into his eyes. “I have to believe I won’t get lost,” he says, soft, hypnotic. “How could I when I
know what’s waiting here for me?”

Shen Yuan gulps slowly. He feels—strange. Kind of hazy inside, kind of warm.

He’s not sure what that feeling is. Maybe, like, gratitude?

Binghe draws back slightly, peering at the side of Shen Yuan’s head, and chuckles before dropping
his forehead on Shen Yuan’s shoulder. “Oh, A-Yuan,” he murmurs. “What will I do to you…”

Shen Yuan is pretty sure the saying is ‘what will I do with you’, but that’s all right. Everyone
makes mistakes. Shen Yuan pats Binghe’s back.

“If you’re sure, then I can’t stop you,” he says. His throat feels a bit choked up, for some reason.
“But what can I do to help you, then?”

“You have a very important job here,” Binghe says. His voice is muffled. “We’ll get into all that. I
have a lot I need to teach you still. But we don’t have long until it’s time for you to wake up, and I
need to attempt to prove myself when you do. Until then…can we just stay like this?”

“Yeah,” Shen Yuan says, letting Binghe maneuver them to lie down on the bed, his arms wrapped
around Shen Yuan’s back and his head still against his shoulder. “Yeah, we can do that.”

Maybe when he wakes up, all this will be some crazy dream. He’d sort of forgotten he was
supposed to be skeptical in the first place, but…it would be a good thing if it were a dream, if
Binghe weren’t going to be in any danger.
 But it also wouldn’t be bad if this part weren’t a dream, he supposes. The part where Binghe
knows who he is and doesn’t want to kill him and just wants to hug him like this. The part where
that warm feeling suffuses him until he’s tingling right down to his toes.

He hugs Binghe back and lets his eyes close. Yeah.

If there were more of this…that would actually be…really nice.

Chapter End Notes

whew big lore dump here! this is a good chunk of what i worked out a few chapters
ago, though i also came up with some on the fly lol. the way to defeat the system...is
also something i came up with writing this chapter LOL i had a few vague ideas but i
couldn't think of a surefire way to make them make sense so. we're borrowing hands
here! if any of this doesn't make sense, well. a lot of it is just cobbled together from
isekais/qts i've read. :P so blame them? (jk you can blame me u just don't need to tell
me if you do <3 ) hopefully the big dialogue chunks aren't TOO hard to read or too
incomprehensible or anything, i did try to break it up with my useless dialogue tags
and shit haha but. there's also the tl;dr at the very bottom of this a/n if you're a bit
confused, and i'll try to answer any questions if...i know the answer..,,,

i tried to think of a reason the energy would be called b-points in this canon and failed.
the real reason they are called b points is because i did not reread stuff about the
system before starting this and forgot that b points and satisfaction points were entirely
separate! whoops! but this is a different system anyway so it's fiiiiine. idk. maybe it's
like. b-points...the points from binghe...the points specifically emitted by binghe.
binghe's points. those points.

oh you know how i said the system would be back this chapter? i lied! (or well i just
didn't get to it =v=) i didn't expect the lore drop in this chapter either...i thought he'd
have been awake by the end at least. ah well! i actually don't know if it will be back
next chapter now, but uhhhh idk it'll return soon enough

p.s. i keep forgetting to say it but every time i look at the title of this fic i'm very
pleased by the song choice. i had like ten possible titles at one point or another but this
one works so well! if you're not familiar with the song other than this fic title like. the
ENTIRE song doesn't work or anything but ok just look at this bit from binghe's
perspective: 'kiss me with your fist, it's alright/wrap your hands around my throat; i
won't mind/i'm permanent, now i won't go/i just wanna be your shadow//and i just
want to be/the sum of your broken parts/and i just want to be/your creature of the dark'.
EXCELLENT. also the song is, as they say, a banger

p.p.s. ah editing to mention bc i also forgot BUT! just a lil pronouns note. lbh's mentor
is referred to using they/them for now because lbh does not know their gender. (i'll
probably mention it later but in case i don't, he sees their speech the same he sees
thoughts--through, like, a floating rectangle)

here's the tl;dr if anybody decided to skip: lesser worlds (like the world they're in)
are created from the energy people who consume stories give off. the main system is a
hyperintelligent ai created by a god to maintain those lesser worlds. but more energy
kept coming in to those lesser worlds which made the stories go off track, and the only
way to fix that was to interfere directly. the systems--minor ais under the main
system's control--can't go into the lesser worlds directly, so the main system decided
to poach souls from the primary worlds (like sy's original world) and have them
possess characters so they can fix the plot. they have to promise to do something for
the hosts in order to put the contract in place, but the energy cost for that isn't too big--
unless the host wants resurrection, which is not impossible but costs so much it either
takes forever for the transmigrators to get the points and they give up or, if at any
point the system decides the host isn't worth it, they can just be cut loose and have
their souls die. the only options are further transmigration or soul dispersal, because
once a soul goes to a lesser world it's tagged from being there and primary worlds
don't allow souls from lesser worlds. since sy isn't very obedient, lbh thinks he'll be
killed at the end of this world, and the only way to avoid that is for them to destroy the
system. lbh doesn't have the power to do that directly, but he does have information:
the main system has been siphoning energy away from the lesser worlds (in the form
of b-points, which binghe gives off a lot of bc he has a lot of energy) and plans to use
the collected energy to become a god so that the primary world can't stop it from
taking more souls under contract and filling all the 'characters' in its lesser worlds with
transmigrators who are under contract and thus can't disobey and make the plot go off
track. lbh's mentor thinks that if he can find the god who made the main system by
following the trace of their energy to their mindspace (like he did with sy's dreams, but
much much further and more dangerous), the god will destroy the system so that it
does not destroy everything else the gods created. (ok done. good god, i wish ao3 had
the ability to put shit in dropdowns lol)
 Chapter 12
Chapter Notes

cws for this chapter: mention as always about lbh watching camera feeds of sy,
unreality warning (parts of the chapter take place in a dream and sy again doesn't
remember the dream when he wakes up; there's one part a little over halfway through
where it might be easy to miss that it's shifting into a dream but i did put a small space
/ break there fyi, mention at the very end about this world being isolated/nothing else
being around it), food mention, lbh lies down next to sy while he's still sleeping to
replicate their position from the dream but he briefly makes sy think that sqq had done
something to lbh in his sleep, lbh takes advantage of that moment and sy's dacryphilia
to arouse sy and implies he does something like this at least once a day, sy has
possessive thoughts towards lbh, sy's head hurts bc his memories of the dream were
wiped and lbh misdirects him so he doesn't keep thinking about it, lbh laments that he
can't infinitely make up fictional dead relatives so that people at school will leave him
alone as he 'grieves', blood mention, sy has a dream about sqq being murdered by lbh
which sets lbh off into an anxiety attack and makes him incredibly possessive, lbh gets
mad at sy bc sy doesn't understand why he's so worked up about it and asks sy how he
would feel in the same situation which sort of freaks out sy and makes him possessive
as well, lbh's plan involves taking advantage of the time when he's supposed to be at
the abyss/college so he tells sy he has to stab him so the system doesn't get suspicious

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Luo Binghe never realized how tense he’s truly been all this time until he’s lying together with his
A-Yuan, waiting for the morning to come. Usually, he’d already be awake by this time, watching
through the night’s feed of his master, but there’s no way he’d give up the real thing for a screen.

(He’ll watch the feed later, though, still. Obviously. Even if he knows precisely what Shen Yuan
was doing all night, having occupied all his time himself, he’s not one to skip out on a meal already
delivered to his table.)

But before then, there are unfortunately things to be done. He gazes lovingly at his master, who
has his eyes closed and his eyebrows knit together, and whispers, “A-Yuan.”

He’d thought Shen Yuan would have stopped him using the name once he realized it was him, but
as usual his master was far better than he had dared to imagine. Luo Binghe wonders at times
whether Shen Yuan realizes how much he allows Luo Binghe to get away with, and wonders too
whether he’d rather he did or didn’t.

“Mm?” Shen Yuan responds a bit sleepily.

“When I come to wake you up, I’ll be wearing a green shirt for you, and I’ll bring you a flower
alongside your meal. A rose, I think, cliché as it is.”

Shen Yuan opens his eyes and looks up at him blearily. “It’s not like we’re going on a blind date. I
know how to recognize you.”

Ah, would that they were going on any kind of date. “It’s evidence that I was really in your dream,
since you don’t have any way of knowing what I’d be wearing ahead of time.” He hesitates. “I’ll
be doing my best throughout the day to prove myself, but…you won’t remember this dream until
next time you go to sleep. I can’t risk the possibility of the System picking something up from you.
Is that okay?”

He doesn’t know what he’ll do if it isn’t. He would much rather Shen Yuan spend the entire day
thinking about lazy mornings with him, but he’s constantly worried the System knows more of
Shen Yuan’s thoughts than it lets on, or that Shen Yuan might accidentally let something slip in his
shock. It’s perhaps overly paranoid of him. He’ll probably continue to be so until he knows there is
no way anything can hurt his master or make him leave.

Luckily, Shen Yuan just tilts his head slightly. “Yeah, no, I get it.” His eyes light up. “I’m like a
double agent who gets hypnotized so I don’t reveal state secrets.”

Fondness suffuses Luo Binghe’s smile. “Yes. You’re like that.” Squeezing Shen Yuan one last
time, he sits up, then tucks his master back in carefully. “Thank you. I’ll leave a bit early to start on
your breakfast. Until then…I’ll leave you a happy dream.”

“Okay.” Shen Yuan yawns. “See you tonight, Binghe.”

Luo Binghe had never fully known either, before this, what a joy it was to have the person you
love waiting for you. Shen Yuan enjoys seeing the protagonist out in the real world, of course, but
Luo Binghe is not the same as the man in the novel he read, and Shen Yuan is of course not the
same as Shen Qingqiu. Here, A-Yuan waits for his Binghe, and that feeling is truly intoxicating.

He takes a deep, shuddery breath. “I’ll see you then, A-Yuan.” Luo Binghe waves gently. Then, he
follows the traces of his energy back to his body and wakes up with a start.

Right.

What to make for breakfast, then? He should still think Shen Qingqiu may be sick, but he wants to
give his master something delicious and nourishing all the same…

Mentally flipping through his repertoire of recipes, Luo Binghe gets dressed and freshens up
quickly. He sets the broth to simmer while he heads out to the garden outside for a few roses. The
gardener surrenders them without any issue once he hears that Shen Qingqiu asked for them.

Roses so acquired, Luo Binghe places them in a vase, finishes up the light soup and scoops out
some rice to the side, and trots up to Shen Yuan’s room with his tray like normal.

What isn’t normal is that after he sets the tray down on the table inside the room, he happily jumps
onto Shen Yuan’s bed and arranges them in a replica of their dream cuddle, then puts on his best
damsel-in-distress-(or-is-she?) expression and shrieks, “M-m-master, please!”

Shen Yuan wakes up, part because Luo Binghe sent a blast of energy at his mind and part because
Luo Binghe had just yelled directly in his ear at a high pitch. “Wh? Huh? What?”

“Master…”

Shen Yuan finally notices that he is pressed up against Luo Binghe, hugging him tightly. His
expression goes panicked briefly. Wait! What did I do to my sweet bun in my sleep! Did I secretly
have this kind of habit??

Luo Binghe suspects Shen Yuan will slap him upside the head when they next meet. It’ll be worth
it, though, and anyway it’s just more evidence! He goes a little teary-eyed and clutches his green
shirt pleadingly. “I’m sorry, Master, I didn’t mean to…I just touched you, and you picked me up
and…and…”

And what!!! I’m going to need you to finish that sentence quickly, Binghe!

“And you put me in your arms, like this,” Luo Binghe finishes as requested, with a delicate blush.
“Perhaps you mistook me for a pillow in your sleep?”

Shen Yuan visibly calms down. Luo Binghe valiantly keeps the smile from his face. What did you
think you might have done, hm, Master? Whatever it is, you can do it.

But the Luo Binghe of the daytime is a bit more shy. He wiggles awkwardly, flush deepening.
“You, um…it is time to wake up, so if you could…”

Shen Yuan blanches again, and shoves Luo Binghe away, scrambling out of bed himself.
“Weakling,” he snarls, though he’s developing a red tint to his ears himself. “You can’t even get
out of the hold of someone when they’re asleep? Clearly you still require more training.”

“Yes, Master,” Luo Binghe says, now looking much more rumpled than he was when he entered
the room, eyes stained tear-red at the corners. The shove had rucked his shirt practically up to his
chest, which is a fun bonus. “I’ll endeavor not to disappoint you in the future.”

Shen Yuan snorts. Next to him scrolls AAAAAAAAHHHHH, and a more coherent, He didn’t feel
my…that, did he? (He did.) I mean, even if he did, it’s just part of the morning experience—there
would be no reason for him to think it had anything to do with waking up to him so close—not that
it did! So even more reason he wouldn’t think it! and, drifting across the thought bubble quickly
before vanishing, but not so quickly he can’t see it, he looks like someone fucked him. He'd better
not be letting anyone else see him like this.

The thoughts go blank entirely.

Then, Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope.

With one of his daily objectives more or less fulfilled for the morning, Luo Binghe carefully
removes himself from the bed and stands by the table. “I wasn’t sure whether you were still feeling
unwell,” he says, projecting worry and a hint of awkwardness from that little bed interlude, “So I
made something fairly light for today. I hope it suits your tastes.”

Ah, shit, right. I was supposed to be sick. Well—it could just be a passing bug. Shen Yuan pauses,
eyes catching on the roses in the little vase Luo Binghe had set on the table. “…Flowers?”

Luo Binghe smiles cheerfully. “I thought, if you were still sick, it might brighten up the room a
little to have something nice to look at!”

Awwww, my sweet pup. The room is plenty bright just with you in it! But…a rose…

He frowns, reaching up to massage his head.

“Master? Do you dislike them?”

“No,” Shen Yuan says slowly. “No, just—my head.” His frown deepens. “I don’t feel sick
anymore, but…”

“Perhaps it’s just the aftereffects,” Luo Binghe proposes. He wishes this didn’t happen when he
locked off access to Shen Yuan’s memories, but his mentor hadn’t responded when he asked him if
there was a way to avoid it in the future. “Here, I can massage for you while you eat, so that your
meal doesn’t get cold.”

“I suppose…”

Luo Binghe gladly complies, and moves the roses out of sight as an afterthought. If they’re hurting
his master, they don’t need to be there anymore. He’s already made his point.

The next handful of hours are less eventful, if only because Shen Yuan insists that Luo Binghe
can’t miss any more school now that he has made a recovery. Luo Binghe reluctantly agrees—not
that he can’t miss school, because it hasn’t taught him anything new whatsoever, but that he at
least won’t. Shen Yuan is only worried about him, and that warms Luo Binghe even though that’s
no longer new information either.

Luo Binghe fends off questions from the children swarming around his desk asking how he’s doing
by feigning a deep sorrow due to the family emergency he had claimed. He’s too overcome by grief
to talk about it, or to talk at all in fact. It’s a relief to be left alone to his cameras for once; it’s only
a pity that he cannot have feasibly have a stock of dead or dying fictional relatives large enough to
last him to graduation.

He considers, briefly, whether he should text Shen Yuan throughout the day with hints that he’s
read his mind. He’s losing precious time here. But that would necessitate revealing the cameras
tonight, and he…can’t do that, not yet. He will. Just not before Shen Yuan can accept he’s doing it
because he loves him.

So instead he waits, not particularly patiently, until the school day ends, and occupies himself in
the meantime with sneaking peeks at his master and by shooting off the occasional question to his
mentor.

He doesn’t know much about his mentor. He’s never heard or seen them, and they don’t talk about
themselves. All he knows is that one day he had seen a rectangle pop up in front of him, sort of like
the System’s but in a different color, and they had offered to teach him.

Of course, he’d been suspicious at first. He’d thought this might be a trick of the Main System, or
barring that, a prank played by some interstellar cultivator or something. But right when he was
prepared to pretend like he had never seen anything at all, they had told him something he truly
couldn’t ignore, whether it was true or not.

Thus far, his mentor’s information has been good. They’re a good teacher, if terse, and he learned
quickly through their methods. He’s maintained caution inasmuch as he can, but frankly…as a
person from a lesser world, and a low-grade one at that, he’s otherwise lacking in options.

Plus. One thing had become clear very quickly was that his mentor hated the Main System more
than anything else—fervently, deeply, as entrenched in their rage as Luo Binghe is in his love for
Shen Yuan. And, well. If revenge is this mysterious person’s motive, Luo Binghe didn’t mind
particularly if he was being used as long as their objective was the same.

His mentor doesn’t respond to every question. They don’t answer anything personal, they don’t
repeat themselves, and the questions they do answer are narrow in focus—about the Main System
and how to use his energy, more or less. But he still asks them a few questions every now and then
—some things he actually wants to know, some that he just wants to try in case there’s an answer.

Today, writing down notes on autopilot about a math concept he taught himself when he was ten,
Luo Binghe idly asks, Laoshi, do you think this will work?
He doesn’t expect an answer to that one. But surprisingly, the message box pops up.

[don’t know]

Luo Binghe frowns, biting at his pencil.

[but]

[if this doesn’t work nothing will, and then you lose everything]

[so good luck kid]

No messages are forthcoming after that, even though Luo Binghe keeps asking.

Right then. There’s no other option. He just has to keep on going.

The final bell rings. He rushes home. When he sees his master sitting in his study, typing very
seriously on his laptop, he carefully stands behind him and looks at his thoughts.

Fuck business, Shen Yuan thinks woefully, in contrast to the blank expression on his face. I was
never going to be in business! Da-ge and er-ge were going to take over the company, and all I had
to do was lie in bed and look pretty! Well, not that I was ever actually pretty, but—

“I think Master is lovely,” Luo Binghe says.

Shen Yuan slowly swivels around to give Luo Binghe an incredulous look. Shen Qingqiu is
certainly a looker, but what does that have to do with anything?? Now I have to get mad at you! “I
see,” he drawls, lying back against the chair. “Thank you for your input. Would you like to clarify
why your inane flattery was so important that it necessitated interrupting me while I was working?”

He wasn’t talking about Shen Qingqiu. He’ll clarify properly later. “I just think that Master is
really impressive while he works!”

Shen Yuan rolls his eyes with a sneer. “Right. Well, you can save your thoughts for your own
personal time.”

Oh, he will. Luo Binghe smiles innocently. “Yes, Master.”

When Shen Yuan thinks wistfully about a meal Luo Binghe had prepared last a few months ago,
Luo Binghe makes it for him that evening. When Shen Yuan can’t work out a complex calculation,
Luo Binghe solves it for him before he asks. He thinks that his shoulder aches; Luo Binghe
massages it for him. Anything that he can find to prove himself that won’t give him away to the
still-silent System, he uses.

When it comes time to dream again, he closes his eyes with some trepidation. He’s done his best
today, and if it didn’t work he’ll do his best tomorrow, but he can admit that if the dream begins
and Shen Yuan insists he’s lying, it will hurt.

Luo Binghe taps Shen Yuan’s shoulder. Shen Yuan turns.

He’s covered in blood, emaciated and broken, with a knife in his chest, and he smiles, and croaks
out “Binghe—”

And then he shatters into a million pieces.

Luo Binghe screams. He can’t help it. He knows that he’s dreaming—or Shen Yuan is or he is or
Shen Yuan is or it doesn’t matter—but seeing Shen Yuan like that, seeing him disappear right in
front of him—seeing him go and not being able to do anything about it—

No. Not only did he not do anything about it.

He did it. He killed him. He stabbed him and he killed him and he’s dead and he’s gone and he
killed him—

“Fuck,” Shen Yuan says from behind him. “Are you okay? I haven’t had this dream in a while. I,
uh, wasn’t sure what would happen to me when I was awake like this, but I guess I’m fine?”

Luo Binghe whirls around and crushes Shen Yuan to him in a hug, bawling against his neck.

“Whoa. Uh. So…like…you’re not okay, huh,” he mumbles to himself, but hugs back.

“Master,” Luo Binghe sobs, “A-Yuan…you…you were…I…”

“I’m fine,” Shen Yuan says, a bit bemused. “It was just a dream. That’s just what happened to the
original Shen Qingqiu in the book. Well—not the weird shattering part, but, uh…” He sucks in air
through his teeth. “I’m…really okay, promise.”

Luo Binghe can’t stop crying, even though Shen Yuan is in his arms. He wants to rip off his
clothes and make sure there’s not a scratch on him. He wants to kiss every inch of him and mark
him so that even the System knows this Shen Yuan is his. He wants to become one with Shen
Yuan in body and mind so that he can never go away and never leave and never die.

Shen Yuan just keeps bemusedly rubbing Luo Binghe’s back, clearly uncertain of why this
provoked such a big reaction but perturbed by Luo Binghe’s tears all the same. “Binghe,” he
murmurs. “Really. Really, I’m okay. You don’t need to waste your tears on this.”

Luo Binghe doesn’t usually get angry at Shen Yuan. Not really. He’s unhappy with the situation
they’re in, sometimes, and he wishes that Shen Yuan knew how Luo Binghe felt about him, and he
wishes that Shen Yuan knew how he felt about Luo Binghe too. But he understands everything,
why everything has unfolded as it has, and knows he can change it with enough time and effort.

But this. This, suddenly, makes Luo Binghe furious. He doesn’t ask for much, but he needs Shen
Yuan to understand him right now, just for once.

“Waste?” Luo Binghe screams. Shen Yuan startles against him, stares at him from where Luo
Binghe pushed him far enough back to see him. “You—you…” He clenches his teeth. “Shen Yuan.
If you saw me dying, even if you knew it wasn’t real. If you saw yourself killing me. Would you
be okay?”

Shen Yuan wilts slightly, thinking about it, before his nostrils flare and he digs his fingernails into
his palm. He growls, “…Yeah…no. I wouldn’t be.” He’s fine. It was just a hypothetical. He’s the
protagonist, nothing can kill him. Not even me. I wouldn’t do it anyway. I would never kill him.
He’s mine, he belongs to me…he’s safe, here, safe and alive and…

There’s a comfort to it, knowing they’re the same, knowing that the thought bothers Shen Yuan so
much he’s not even bothering to censor himself like usual. Luo Binghe keeps waiting for it, glaring
at Shen Yuan’s thoughts like they insulted him personally, but his frenzied heart slows as Shen
Yuan just thinks, He doesn’t get to leave me. He’s alive. He’s here. He’s safe. He’s mine, and that
means I keep him safe.
Luo Binghe sighs, anger dissipating as soon as it arrived. He hugs Shen Yuan back to him again
and nestles into his neck, pressing a few light kisses there—light enough Shen Yuan will think it’s
an accident, if he feels them at all. “You know…please know…that I would never do that to you,”
he whispers. “I’m not killing you. I won’t. I couldn’t.”

“Yeah,” Shen Yuan says, an odd rough edge to his voice. “I won’t…I won’t either.” His arms flex
around Luo Binghe.

They both fall quiet.

“I’m sorry,” Shen Yuan eventually says. “That was, uh…I shouldn’t have questioned…yeah.”

It’s not much, as apologies go. But since it was Shen Yuan saying it—out loud—it’s more than
enough for Luo Binghe.

“I just want you to remember this, next time I do something for you or because of you,” Luo
Binghe says. “If you’re thinking I’m overreacting, or doing too much. Just—remember this, and
think whether you wouldn’t do the same thing in the same situation. And maybe think about what
that means?”

Shen Yuan pauses. Luo Binghe waits. Shen Yuan hesitantly offers, “But…I literally forget
everything during the daytime—”

“Never mind.” Slow. He has to go slow. He has to…

“No! No, I’ll do it.” Shen Yuan gives an awkward little squeeze before letting go. “Promise.
Okay?”

“Okay.” Luo Binghe smiles at Shen Yuan, knowing his face is still blotchy and gross, and also
knowing Shen Yuan doesn’t exactly mind. He’d know that even if Shen Yuan didn’t think pretty,
just by how his face goes slack seeing it. “So…does all of this…mean that I proved myself today?”

“Proved?” Shen Yuan blinks. “Oh, right, you were supposed to be doing that today, I guess.”

“Supposed to…”

“No, I mean, thinking about it, there was, like…the roses, right?” He shrugs, eyes wide and
guileless. “But I more or less already believed you before you left last time.”

Luo Binghe takes that in, then pouts. “Then what was the point of doing all these extra things
today! The meal, and the massage, and…”

“Did I think about those?” His head tilts. “I don’t remember. I think I probably just thought, well…
if it’s Binghe, of course he knows.”

Shen Yuan could have told him and saved him some of the effort of trying to think of this all day.
But still, he can feel himself melting all over again.

His A-Yuan trusts him. His A-Yuan knows his Binghe knows him best.

“Well, as long as it’s fine.” Luo Binghe clears his throat. “All right. We have some things to do
today. Let’s get going.”

Shen Yuan doesn’t mention that Luo Binghe was the one to get them off track, just nods and waits
patiently.
There are two important points of business that they go over on this day and the several following
them. Shen Yuan learns how to keep the energy Luo Binghe gives off for himself, and they go
over the plan to keep the System’s eyes off Luo Binghe while he’s following the god’s traces. This
is his least favorite part of all this: tracking these traces will take time. Years, potentially. Which
means that his body will be here, but his soul will be elsewhere, and they can’t have the Main
System discovering the abnormality.

Luo Binghe has been preparing for this ever since his mentor told him what would need to be done.
He has a temporary replacement head for the company while he undergoes ‘treatment’, and a place
at a luxury sanatorium of sorts that will keep his body alive and as strong as possible. And now,
knowing what he does about the plot and his time meant to be spent overseas, he has an excuse to
be out of touch for a while. He can’t actually go to the college, hence his preparations in that
regard, but he can tell Shen Qingqiu he’s there.

Unfortunately—

“No,” Shen Yuan bursts out, slapping the grass that they’re sitting on. There’s a nice breeze.
Neither of them can enjoy it. “Didn’t we JUST agree—”

“You won’t be killing me,” Luo Binghe says, placing his hand over Shen Yuan’s. “My mentor has
taught me healing techniques, for one, and for two, I know you would never hurt me. But—”

“I know, I know, we can’t let the System know things are off track, blah blah,” Shen Yuan
grumbles, scrubbing at his face. “There’s—no other way? Are you sure? I can’t, like, irritate you
into going to college in America?”

“I don’t think anything you could do would irritate me enough for that.”

“I can eat with my mouth open—”

“A-Yuan,” Luo Binghe says gently, patting his hand. “Please. I know it’s asking a lot.”

Shen Yuan deflates, looking away mulishly. Don’t wanna. I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to
give him a reason to hate me when he’s already doing so much for me.

“I won’t hate you. Never that.”

“Yeah, okay,” Shen Yuan mutters.

“Remember what I said earlier?”

Shen Yuan glares at him, but obediently thinks, Would I hate Luo Binghe if he stabbed me? Uh…
nonlethally.

I mean.

No. Yeah. Probably not, huh.

“So there you have it.”

“I wish I could read your mind too,” Shen Yuan grouses, flopping down on the grass and staring
up at the sky.

“Do you, now?” Luo Binghe asks softly.

He would let him. Of course he would. But he doesn’t think Shen Yuan is ready for that yet.
 “Well, now you’re making me wonder!” Shen Yuan peers at him. “What is it you think about all
day, huh? Is it kinky or something?”

Luo Binghe smiles angelically. “Sometimes.”

Shen Yuan’s eyes bulge out, and he coughs. Right. I forgot this one was an M.

…Well…

Now I want to know even more???

Not! Not in a weird way! But I’m curious!!!

“If you get enough energy, you might be able to manage it.” Luo Binghe prods his forehead.
“Work hard, Master.”

Shen Yuan grumbles, but he works hard too, and he doesn’t complain about stabbing Luo Binghe
again. At least not out loud, and not when he thinks Luo Binghe is looking to see his face fall.

A month into their lessons, Shen Yuan is already awake when Luo Binghe comes in with his
breakfast. This never happens, and Luo Binghe is worried when he sees it—but not as worried as
he is when he sees the rectangle next to him.

[Shen Yuan, I’m telling you, there’s nothing there.] The System looks as panicked as pure text
can look—writing too quickly, deleting too abruptly. [I went to find the Main System to see why
it wasn’t responding to my reports. You finding out about—things—that alone should have
set off a major alarm. But I went all the way there, all the way to where the hub should be.]

Okay?

[The Main System is gone. It’s not where it’s supposed to be. In fact—there’s not anything
there.]

So you keep saying…

[You don’t understand!! The universe is filled with…stuff. Everywhere. At a smaller level,
there’s stars and planets and shit, and then there’s the worlds, and there’s galaxies and—and
—and there’s nothing. Past a certain point, past this world, there’s just nothing at all.]

Ah.

Shit.

Well. The timer was always going to start again, one day.

Chapter End Notes

gettin this up a lil later than i anticipated but i wanted to try to still stick to two days
u_u i didn't HAVE to i know because, well, i did the last chapter in one day. so i could
take three on this one...or longer even...but eh. i did it anyway! this chapter is sort of a
lot of scenes stuffed into one so it might seem a bit like a transition chapter but, well, it
also sort of is that so XD;

so the sy dying in the dream scene wasn't something i had planned to do, but i think it
worked out in place of smth else i was thinking of better! sorry @ lbh though lol i'm
really puttin these kids through the wringer. it's ok he got sy hugs out of the uhhh
trauma,, anyway i am dropping in pieces of things all over. it's awfully hard trying to
put in foreshadowing for some things but not enough so that people figure out twists
ahead of hand! it is not my specialty i am much better at heavy-handed lore drops lol.
but we'll see.

i had to really look back at what i had lbh say about not wanting to go off to college to
make sure i didn't make him explicitly say he wasn't going anywhere. it's sort of
implied but, like...look as i mentioned that part of the plot is new and therefore i was
not planning on having him go anywhere at the time XD but in the end i did not say
anything directly therefore he doesn't want to go to college because instead he is going
off on a Dream Space Adventure...!!! It's! Fine!!!

also i've been meaning 2 ask this for, well, since the beginning, but i think i can finally
ask now? ok this is maybe a bit of an awkward question, or indeed A Lot of an
awkward question lol. but basically. i would prefer this weren't on anon, but my big
worry has always been that i would ummm get some troubles from folks who are
against yandere or, like, dubcon content? (like the cameras and such?) plus the few
implied underage things etc. ;v; i think at this point i have gotten about as bad as i am
going to get, as it were. so. my question is, like, would anybody be willing to weigh in
whether they think this is the sort of content that would get trouble...? i say awkward
bc i don't want to be like 'BOY HOW MORALLY DEPRAVED DO YOU THINK
THIS FIC IS, YOU DEVIANTS WHO ARE READING?' lol but basically. if you
think that brand of people would, ummm, sort of just ignore i've written this, then i'd
like to go off anon, but i also don't want to get hate mail or doxxed or whatever and i
know one cannot always predict that but =v= wanted to sorta poll that. (in fact maybe i
should do an actual poll. if u don't want to type out a response but would like to weigh
in just say 'poll' or smth alongside your usual comment, if you would like, and i'll set
one up for next chapter somewhere!) thank you, apologies for asking that of everyone
=v= and i appreciate any input!
 Chapter 13
Chapter Notes

cws for this chapter: unreality warning (talk about this world in the story being
surrounded by a void, part of the chapter takes place in dreams again), more of sy's
internalized homophobia--the system insists he's gay, he insists he's not and says
basically 'i can admit that if a gay person were doing all this it would be gay but i'm
not gay so none of this is gay', lbh comes out and sy does the 'you're sure? you like
women tho? is this just bc i don't let you out?' triple play, and then after believing him
gets mad imagining lbh being with a man (when he doesn't really think much of lbh
being with a harem of women) and concludes he may be a homophobe, arguably some
sexism from sy bc he doesn't think much of women at all/doesn't see them as a threat
but thinks of men as nasty people who will just fuck lbh and leave him (...he's just
jealous tho), more possessiveness including sy thinking of tying up lbh so he can't be
stolen by a No-Good Rotten Man, lbh is pleased sy is getting possessive over him, sy
and lbh both basically say they don't have a purpose without the other

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Shen Yuan can admit his reaction is a bit belated. His first thought when he saw the System was
back was ah, fuck, this guy, and that was also more or less his second and third thoughts, especially
because it was blabbering in a panicked way that Shen Yuan had never seen from it before and that
made it a bit difficult to actually understand what was going on.

But when he does parse everything…

Okay, he doesn’t really care that the Main System is gone. It can stay gone for all he cares. The
part where everything else is, though, is…uh…

That’s… Shen Yuan begins weakly. Like…not good, right?

[Of course it’s not fucking GOOD! If you stepped outside your house and found yourself
surrounded by the void at all ends, is this how you’d react? “Ah. Hm. Suboptimal.” Is there a
void where your brain is too or something?]

No, Shen Yuan thinks with a scowl. I don’t know how this shit works though! Maybe—maybe the
universe turns off briefly during, uhh, standard maintenance—

[Oh, right. How could I forget.] The sarcasm drips from the text. [I’m looking at my calendar
now, and I missed that the celestial janitor is indeed scheduled to come and do a deep clean.
My bad.]

Oh, fuck you. What exactly do you think yelling at me is going to do about this?

[Obviously nothing, you useless dipshit. It’s just my hobby.]

Lying bastard.

[Contrary prick. Say something already, Luo Binghe is staring.]

He is, actually, though not directly at Shen Yuan. He’s looking to his side instead, with thoughtful
eyes. The sight of it sets off a piercing pain in his head that’s now quite familiar, and he averts his
gaze.

“Luo Binghe,” he says. “You’re late.” He’s not, he just woke up early because the System blared
some alarms at him, but Shen Qingqiu is no stranger to picking at nothing if it means finding fault
with Luo Binghe.

“Sorry, Master,” Binghe says, rushing to set breakfast on the table. “It won’t happen again.”

“See it doesn’t.” Shen Yuan feels a hint of guilt, as usual, but ignores it in favor of floating over to
the table and beginning to eat. When he’s done, Binghe carefully cleans his face, paying particular
attention to his lips, then hovers next to him.

“What would you like to wear today, Master?”

Shen Yuan waves his hand irritably. “You choose.”

“Of course.” Binghe bows slightly. “Bath or shower today, Master?”

“Hm…a bath, I think. I’m feeling some tightness in my shoulders.”

“I’ll draw one for you. Would you like a massage while you relax?”

“I suppose I might as well keep your hands busy.”

Binghe beams at him, then bustles over to the closet, then the bathroom. The System is quiet all the
while, until he starts to undress for the bath, handing each piece over to Binghe as he goes to put in
the laundry.

[This is hardly the most pressing issue at hand right now,] the System finally speaks up while
Shen Yuan steps into the bath. [But, uh…is it just me or…did you and our ostensibly straight
protagonist get even gayer while I was gone?]

Shen Yuan’s relaxed mood shatters. He splutters, stealing a look at Binghe, whose smile seems to
have grown wider for some reason. What?? What do you mean gayER? That would imply we were
gay in the first place!

[Let’s set aside the issue of the protagonist, because I’m still attempting to delude myself into
believing that this trash fire of a mission has some possibility of redemption. Are you
attempting to tell me right now that you think you aren’t gay?]

I’m not!!

[Ha. Ha ha.]

I’m REALLY not.

[Wait, are you actually serious?] The rectangle is blank for a moment, then says, [I don’t know
if that’s sad or hilarious.]

Shen Yuan scowls.

[You know, this situation is genuinely a disaster, and if the Main System knew about it the
mission would be scrapped immediately. I shouldn’t say anything to make things worse,
really.] The cursor blinks a few times. [So I won’t. But boy, it really sucks to be Luo Binghe.]

What does that mean?

The System doesn’t respond.

Hey, what does that mean??

It keeps quiet. Shen Yuan purses his lips and looks down at the water, frowning, even while
Binghe starts to wash his back, even though it feels really good.

Why would it say that? Because Luo Binghe has to deal with him, and do these degrading things
even though he’s the protagonist? But the System wants him to do these things. He has to do them.
It shouldn’t be that.

So, then…something to do with the System thinking he’s gay? What does that have to do with
anything? And why does it think he is, anyway?

Well, he acknowledges, idly stirring the water in front of him, perhaps if someone else were in this
situation…perhaps if he walked in on someone who was having their clothes chosen for them, who
was getting a bath drawn for them at the exact temperature they love, who was getting their back
scrubbed by that person…maybe he might think it were a little gay, if that person was a gay
person.

But since he’s not gay, that means none of this is either. Even if he likes the way Binghe’s hands
feel on his skin, even if he wants to lean back into the touch and stretch like a cat towards the
sun…even if sometimes he stares at Binghe, or thinks about him when he’s getting off…

That’s only gay if he’s gay, right? And he’s not. So.

So he can understand the misunderstanding, he thinks benevolently. But the System, as usual, is
wrong.

Binghe stops scrubbing for a moment, and Shen Yuan looks back at him, confused. He’s kneading
his temples, brows knit together.

“Sorry, Master,” he murmurs—a bit mulishly, or is he just imagining that? “I got a sudden
headache.”

“You’re so delicate,” Shen Yuan says as mildly as Shen Qingqiu can manage, waiting kindly for
him to recover before they finish on his back and Binghe hands him the towel to work on his front.

“I am, aren’t I,” Shen Yuan thinks he hears Binghe mumble from behind him. He looks behind
again. But when he does, Binghe looks completely calm, and he starts back up without saying
anything else, so perhaps Shen Yuan just imagined that too.

That night, Binghe is more silent than usual inside their shared dream. Shen Yuan thinks the
System’s news from earlier in the day must be getting to him, and pats him sympathetically.

“Oh,” Binghe says, clearly still distracted. “No. I knew about that.”

Shen Yuan pauses. “What?”

“The Main System being away for now. My mentor told me that already.” He taps his thigh. “The
part about nothing else being there they didn’t say in so many words, but they did say this world
had been separated somehow…”

Shen Yuan’s mouth drops open. “Well—why didn’t you say anything?! I was worried all day!”

“Slipped my mind,” Binghe says. Shen Yuan forgets to be unhappy, though, since the next thing
Binghe says is a very abrupt, “A-Yuan, if I told you that I were gay, what would you say about
that?”

Shen Yuan’s mouth clamps shut, and he blinks, certain he’s misheard. “Gay? You?”

“Yes.”

“But you like women.”

Binghe rubs his face with a beleaguered sigh. “I know that’s what happened in the story you read,
A-Yuan, but when have you ever seen me interested in a woman, even remotely?”

Shen Yuan considers.

Now that he thinks about it…

Binghe is always just with him?

“At school…”

“No.”

Shen Yuan tries, “I’m…keeping you from…?”

“No.” Binghe looks into his eyes, expression a little helpless but firm. “I have never been attracted
to a woman. I don’t expect that to change.”

Shen Yuan, whose poor mind is exploding, desperately attempts to recall anything he’d seen in his
past life about gay people, and instead just croaks, “So…to men then?”

Binghe presses his lips together, then says, “At least one man.”

“Ah. Um. Okay.”

Shen Yuan thinks back. Has he ever seen Binghe expressing attraction to a man? He really can’t
remember. What would it even look like, to express attraction to anyone at all? Shen Yuan, for
some reason, can only think of the comics his meimei used to read when she was a teenager.
Sending love letters out behind the school, holding hands, blushing when you meet eyes. Going out
on dates. Kissing.

Shen Yuan’s mind immediately provides an all-too-detailed image of his pup kissing someone—
shorter than him, probably, with short hair…and Binghe would smile at him like he smiles at Shen
Yuan now, like he hung the world, like he wants to do everything for him and be with him all the
time, and he’d say he loves him—

Shen Yuan clenches his teeth, anger flashing through him. It’s one thing if he has his harem of
women, but if it’s a man—if it’s another man, taking his place—

Why does thinking of that make him want to punch something? He imagines punching this
hypothetical short bastard stealing his pup away from him and feels a visceral satisfaction. Yes. He
needs to protect his Binghe from assholes like that. Binghe is too kind. Another man would only
use that. They would use him—they would drain him dry, fuck him loose and then leave, until
Binghe would have to come back crying to his Master, to the one who keeps him safe—

He tears loose from the violent reverie with a gasp. Wait! No! People—even Binghe—can love
who they love. He has no right to get mad. And if he’s fine with women but not men…

Shen Yuan has never really thought about it before, and when he heard about gay people he didn’t
really mind, but perhaps he’s actually a homophobe??!

That won’t do! He has to love his baby bun, no matter what! Even if…he grits his teeth. Even if it’s
a no-good, lousy man stealing his precious Binghe…even then….even…

Binghe puts a hand on his shoulder. With a guilty wince, Shen Yuan looks up at him. He hasn’t
spoken all this time, has he. Binghe will think he hates him! “I would say,” he says with great
effort. “That it’s…fine…”

“Master,” Binghe says, beaming so brightly Shen Yuan nearly has to look away. “You don’t have
to force yourself.”

“It’s okay,” Shen Yuan says, summoning every ounce of magnanimity in his body, which he finds
doesn’t really amount to much. “I’m not a homophobe.” Maybe.

Binghe hugs him. “It’s really fine,” he coos, nuzzling into Shen Yuan’s hair. “It’s fine as long as
there’s you, Master.”

“You don’t have to call me that,” Shen Yuan mumbles, feeling intensely guilty, and also sort of
like he’s forgotten something important that might make this conversation make more sense. He’ll
think about it later, when Binghe’s strong arms aren’t flexing around him.

“I only do it because I want to. Will you take that away from me?”

“…I…guess not?” His glasses are pressing against his face awkwardly since they’re pressed into
Binghe’s chest, but he can’t bring himself to mind when Binghe is so close. He smells good.
Actually, he just smells like the bath gel he used to clean Shen Yuan that morning, but it’s still
good. Shen Yuan relaxes in his hold and hugs back.

Binghe is really so sticky in these dreams, but he hasn’t really had anyone to touch him lovingly
since his parents died. Shen Yuan likes that he can do that for him.

“Good.” Binghe goes quiet again for a bit. “Right. That’s fine for now.”

“For now?” Shen Yuan asks, voice muffled by Binghe’s chest.

Binghe doesn’t answer, just continues musingly, “Master really doesn’t think of himself as a man
though, does he.”

Shen Yuan frowns. “Of course I do. What else would I be?”

“Never mind.” Binghe squeezes harder, then releases him. “Okay. Time for practice.”

“Okay,” Shen Yuan says suspiciously, but doesn’t question him further. He’ll tell him when he
needs to know. Binghe always does.
Time continues to pass. Shen Yuan wakes up to breakfast with Binghe, they work or go to school,
they fall asleep, and in their dreams Shen Yuan works on containing Binghe’s energy and they iron
out the details of Binghe’s time away together before cuddling until Binghe has to wake up. If
there’s anything different, it’s just that the System is a bit more quiet sometimes, and that every
now and then during the dreams Shen Yuan will remember that Binghe is gay now and he has to
remind himself that he can’t just tie Binghe up and keep him safe forever from the evil men of the
world.

…Probably. Binghe got kidnapped a couple times in the book, but he was always pretty good at
getting out of ropes in the book, so…

Right. Right. He doesn’t need to think about it. Binghe would look good in ropes though. Just
because he always looks good! But…maybe some red, to bring out his eyes…

Okay, wait, wait, no, he’s not thinking about it.

Anyway, things go sort of like that, and they get closer and closer to the time Binghe graduates
from high school. Shen Qingqiu, that scum, stabs Binghe the day of his graduation, so Shen Yuan
has to get himself ready for that too (which he does mostly by ignoring it’s going to happen).

Or he tries to. The System has taken to reminding him about it when he’s awake, too, with
additional commentary. [Poor bastard,] it’ll say, moving side to side like it’s shaking its head
reluctantly. [I guess time heals all wounds. Including stab wounds. Except for the ones that it
doesn’t.]

Shen Yuan has gotten better at ignoring its cryptic nonsense, too, and does so to the best of his
ability.

[Actually, what am I saying,] it talks to itself. [Sort of the point is that time isn’t supposed to
heal this wound. I guess it might add to the tension? Like, ‘I hate you now as much as I
once…’ Ugh. When did this story become so dogblooded, anyway.]

It sounds less troubled than it might have, once, at any rate. More like it’s about to whip out a
watermelon.

[I can’t eat,] it says. [But yeah, I’ve been trying out a radical new concept called ‘caring less’.
What even is the point if the Main System isn’t here, anyway.]

Sure. Whatever.

The closer they get to the day, the less Binghe practices with him, and the more he insists on just
lying down with Shen Yuan and hugging him through the night. He hugs so hard it would probably
hurt if it weren’t a dream under Binghe’s control, but…honestly, Shen Yuan sort of gets it, too.

He doesn’t want Binghe to leave, either. Not if it’s to save him, not if it’s to save the world. Not at
all.

But he knows—they both know—that there’s not any other option.

They reach the night before Binghe’s graduation.

“There isn’t any way for you to come back at night?” Shen Yuan asks for the thousandth time as
they lie on their backs, Binghe tightly holding his hand.
“If there is, I don’t know it,” Binghe whispers for the thousandth time in response. “I asked my
mentor about it and they didn’t say anything…and I tried a few tests, but…”

Shen Yuan closes his eyes, focusing on the feeling of Binghe’s hand in his. It’s warm.

“I’ve been taste testing the other chef’s food recently.” This, too, is not new information. “I’ve left
instructions for who will take over that, and…as for your attendant…”

The thought of having someone else in Binghe’s place rankles. Shen Yuan scowls. “I can do things
by myself.”

Binghe strokes his palm with his thumb for a while. It tickles slightly; Shen Yuan shudders. “Is it
bad if I say I’m happy you don’t want someone else?”

“I mean.” Shen Yuan opens his eyes, idly taking a strand of Binghe’s hair with his free hand and
coiling it around his finger, uncoiling it, coiling it again. “There’s…nobody who could replace you,
is all.”

Shen Yuan can feel, after all their training together, how the energy emits from Binghe like
sunshine, and how it happily joins him when he nudges his mind out to it like it’s just been waiting
for him to take it in.

“A-Yuan,” Binghe murmurs, turning onto his side to look at him. “A-Yuan…”

Shen Yuan smiles gently at the fondness he can hear in his voice. His sticky pup, really. “Shut up.”
He chews on his lip, then calls back softly, “Binghe.”

“A-Yuan.”

“I’ll…really miss you, you know?”

This is an understatement, but also as much as he feels like he can put it into words. He can’t even
really imagine Binghe gone. He’s become so much a part of Shen Yuan’s life that it feels like he’s
a part of Shen Yuan himself. Losing him, even if it’s only temporary, is like trying to imagine what
it would be like to lose a body part, or one of his senses. How can he really even know?

And he’s not even thinking about the possibility that Binghe doesn’t come back.

He—can’t. He can’t think about that.

If Binghe doesn’t come back, then…what…really is Shen Yuan even for?

He doesn’t want to find out. He won’t. He won’t, because Binghe is going to come back, and that’s
the only option he’s willing to entertain.

Shen Yuan turns over on his side when he feels Binghe tracing his face, every line of it, like he’s
trying to memorize it. “A-Yuan…” he breathes. “Oh, my A-Yuan.”

It’s not the first time he’s said it, but he still gets the same thrill every time he hears it. His A-
Yuan. Luo Binghe’s, the protagonist’s, A-Yuan. Anybody being claimed by their favorite
protagonist would feel the same, Shen Yuan is certain, but—it’s not just that, either, because this
isn’t just Luo Binghe from PDCIW. He’s his Binghe, his pup, his sweet bun. He’s—his, is all.

“I am,” Binghe says, dark eyes watching him. Shen Yuan flushes at the reminder that Luo Binghe
could see all that. (He forgets most of the time, okay!) “Yours, I mean.”
 Shen Yuan laughs awkwardly. “Uh. Sorry you had to—see—”

“I’m not.” Is he closer than he was? “I’m not sorry. Every thought of yours is a precious gift.” He’s
definitely closer.

“My A-Yuan, my treasure,” Binghe says, eyelashes feathering onto his cheeks. “To say I will miss
you is far too lacking. Without you, I’m not sure how I will exist, but for knowing that you’ll be
here waiting for me.”

Shen Yuan squirms in place. Binghe’s…really quite close now! Right up next to Shen Yuan, close
enough that he can see every eyelash, every inch of his skin, and the place where his lips are red
from him biting them…

“Well,” Shen Yuan says awkwardly. “I will be. Here, that is.”

Binghe smiles slowly, and Shen Yuan loses his breath a moment seeing how it spreads on his face
like the rising of the sun at dawn. “Yes,” he says, simply. “You will. And if you weren’t, I would
still find you. Always.”

“Oh,” Shen Yuan says, blinking confusedly. That’s sort of a lot—he’d just said he would be here,
right? Where does Binghe think he’d go, Mars? “Sure. Uh…Thanks?”

Binghe sighs minutely. Shen Yuan can feel the breath blow against his lips, and he shivers even
though it’s warm.

“Please forgive me,” Binghe finally says, smile dropping, expression going unreadable. “I just—
need to know.”

And with that, he leans forward that much closer, and touches his lips to Shen Yuan’s.

Chapter End Notes

whew didn't think i'd get this finished today (i was up way too late last night and slept
in) but here we are! and here is a Surprise Kiss! and on the subject of surprises, except
now this won't be because i'm saying it here, next chapter will have a sex scene!
finally stopped dithering about it and decided to put in two (next chapter's + their first
time irl near the end, which means they will officially be vers) so yes fair warning next
ch for explicit material. it will be consensual btw, though sy won't, uhh, think about it
in the same way as lbh is lol, and sy will be on top. also with that warning: there's a
good chance, since i'm slower writing sex scenes, that this won't get out in two days.
three or four maybe...? i'll edit this if i anticipate it taking longer

sy, the world's top mental contortionist, was particularly fun to write this chapter. 'gay
things aren't gay if you're not gay' (like...i mean...i guess to an extent he's not wrong in
the sense that your identity is decided by yourself, but also in his case he's wrong) and
'the person i imagine lbh being gay with is me, but also since i'm not gay it's not me,
and since it's not me i am furious, and i am mad because i am a homophobe and also
maybe his dad' and 'yes we're cuddling and yes i feel despair at the thought of him not
being around and yes he has beautiful lips i stare at too often and YES i want to shibari
him and what is your point exactly' were all very amusing to me. not to the system tho,
who is about to face three years of abject misery. on its end. sy's end too but mostly
for it, who has to deal with him

also! thank you everybody for your advice last chapter ;v; i'll admit i'm still a smidge
worried bc, well, the moment i de-anon there's always a possibility for it to be like
screenshotted or whatever even if i go back on anon. buuuut i think i'll do it, for now at
least! so...um ok. hey everyone, i'm brin, this is my first svsss fic =v= i'll put it in my
fic-end a/n as well but if you wanna catch me on twitter i'm @boringbibs and on
tumblr i'm anuninterestingperson. i'll keep comments unmoderated for now, so
hopefully it won't get to a point where i need to put that measure in place...but yes
thank you everyone for all your kindness and i'm glad to meet you all officially, as it
were!
 Chapter 14
Chapter Notes

cws for this chapter: sy assumes that lbh kissed him because he didn't want to leave a
virgin and lbh lets him run with that (though he doesn't exactly lie eithe) BUT sy is
also the one to be like 'wait JUST a kiss though? lame. ...narratively'. functionally he's
just trying to make excuses for why he wants to do more, sy thinks to himself about a
lbh 'becoming a man by tasting pleasure' which obviously is not how that works but
again he's making excuses, sy thinks 'he's gay but i'm not so can i still do this for his
narrative arc' and lbh is willing again to drop it there by sy once more convinces
himself by getting possessive and thinking as lbh's master he should give him
everything, blood mention, sy licks blood from lbh's lip, at one point lbh asks
permission for something, sy interrupts and says yes but when he realizes it's lbh
taking off their clothes he gets self-conscious, sy's negative self-image/insecurity,
arguably undernegotiated kink (they both recognize lbh is a masochist and sy is in
denial about being a sadist but that means they don't talk about limits and sy takes
charge impulsively and then second-guesses whether he's going too far as a result), lbh
basically both says and thinks that sy can do anything to him and he'll be happy as long
as sy is happy and he REALLY does mean anything which is probably smth that bears
discussing, sy does check in with lbh for consent but notably he does so multiple times
while lbh is in subspace--which sy does not know about, lbh goes semi-verbal after
entering subspace, generally unrealistic sex, lbh briefly freaks out when sy thinks he's
hurt him and asks if he should pull out, lbh manipulates the dream after sy comes once
so that he's ready to go again (which he doesn't warn sy about, but sy is okay with it
albeit startled), brief mention again of lbh masturbating to sy on the cameras, sy holds
lbh's hips so hard lbh thinks they would bruise outside of the dream, after they're done
when lbh is still in subspace and out of it/during aftercare, lbh says something he did
not intend to

sex notes for this chapter: making out/french kissing, some biting, not REALLY
petplay but sy does compare lbh to a dog several times, hair-pulling, light dacryphilia,
name-calling (slut, whore), possessiveness during sex, (non-negotiated)
dominance/submission & masochism/sadism, face-fucking, first-time sex and the
awkwardness thereof, slight objectification (lbh thinks of himself like a toy), some
fairly light humiliation, anal sex, coming early, multiple orgasms, come/creampie
kink, lbh fantasizes about being a cockwarmer for sy / available for sex whenever /
plugged up with his come between rounds, riding, noisy sex, sy tells lbh he was made
to be used by him, some aftercare

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Luo Binghe doesn’t say, “I need to know what it’s like to kiss you.” He doesn’t say “I need to
know what it might feel like if you loved me back.” He doesn’t say “I’m trying so hard to be brave,
but I don’t actually know if I’ll be able to come back, and even if I do I can’t know that the System
won’t have taken you from me somehow, and I don’t know if this plan will work and I’m afraid I
don’t know anything, so please, just let me know this one thing. Just this one. That’ll be enough to
keep me going.”
He doesn’t say any of that. And Shen Yuan can’t read his mind, so he doesn’t know he thought it,
which is maybe why he looks so completely thunderstruck when Luo Binghe pulls away. He
doesn’t say anything, and his thoughts are blank too.

Luo Binghe waits. It takes everything in him, but he waits for a response. He won’t force himself
on his master any more than that.

Shen Yuan’s response, though, isn’t particularly encouraging. “Huh?” he squeaks.

Then it’s silent again.

Luo Binghe slowly closes his eyes. He knew this was too soon for him. He knew, and did it
anyway. He didn’t expect anything more than this. It’s already a good thing Shen Yuan didn’t push
him away. But—

But also, maybe…maybe just a little…maybe he did want something more than, well, ‘huh’.

When he opens his eyes again, Shen Yuan’s thoughts, at least, are back up and running. Huh?
What? What just—he didn’t—was that a hallucination? A normal dream again…maybe…no. No,
Binghe always says goodbye before he leaves. But that was—he bumped into me? An accident. Yes.
Maybe an accident. But he asked me to forgive him. So, um, then…he made a mistake…on
purpose??? A mistake on purpose isn’t an accident on all!!! Maybe he was saying to forgive him
for—for being so close or—for leaving? He said he needed to know. What did he need to know!
Think, Shen Yuan!

Even through the dull feeling in his chest, Luo Binghe feels a thread of amusement at his master’s
usual antics. He supposes this is the person he fell in love with, after all.

It’s so quiet. This is so awkward. Okay, he needed to know…something. Right. Something he

wanted my forgiveness for. And then he…k…he…our lips…they…

Anyway he did The Thing and so, uh, the assumption would be that he needed to know about That
Thing. And he wanted me to forgive him for…that. He’s about to leave…he needs to know…

Luo Binghe can practically see the lightbulb going off above Shen Yuan’s head.

Wait, wait, okay, so—he’s gay.

Oh?

He’s gay, but he’s always with me. Maybe he’s never, like…done that…before? That would make
sense, right? When does Qingqiu even give him the time to go out, uh, on the town or whatever!
But he’s about to leave on a Perilous Journey. There won’t be anybody out there (probably?) and
he’s worried he might not come back (but we’re not thinking about that) and—and so.

And so!

My poor sweet bun just wanted to know what it was like to kiss a guy before he left!

It is astonishing, as ever, how Shen Yuan can manage to reach the wrong conclusion and right one
at the same time. Luo Binghe does want to kiss a guy, but—a very specific one, and that’s
something Shen Yuan refuses to understand.

Shen Yuan’s monologue continues in the background. Understandable. It’s the classic ‘before I go
to war, I’ll become an adult’ play! Though that’s kind of raising a flag, isn’t it...if he pulls out a
picture of his wife and kids, or a flashback starts playing, or he tells me we should go out some
time when he gets back…not that he’d ask me, but just as an example…anyway, if there’s any more
of that I’m not letting him leave. Too dangerous.

…Sure. Noted.

Luo Binghe is ready to leave it at that, to just stay close to Shen Yuan in silence for the rest of the
time they have together, but, well.

As usual, Shen Yuan surprises him.

He fidgets in place, peeking at Luo Binghe’s face. But…is that…it, then? Just a kiss?

I’m not ASKING for more! Obviously! But…well, how do I put this. Binghe, you’re way too pure!!
That was barely even a kiss to start with, and now you’re just lying there blushing! It’s very cute!
But it’s also not much of a scene, is it. Shen Yuan fidgets harder. The peck would be fine for, say,
teen childhood sweethearts separating before the training montage…but if it’s between two adults
it should be…more, right?

Luo Binghe licks his lips, heart starting to beat fast as he notices Shen Yuan’s eyes following the
movement. Is he…really? He wants more…? Sure, he’s framing it oddly, but…

“A-Yuan,” Luo Binghe says, voice coming out hoarse. “You…”

See, there it is. He’ll ask if we can keep going. That’s how it should be! Like. From a narrative
standpoint. The emotional impact of it…the intrepid young hero, determined to shed his scales and
become a true man by tasting pleasure… Shen Yuan is blushing. Luo Binghe, barely believing his
good fortune, reaches out to swipe his thumbs over that blush, and then slowly over Shen Yuan’s
lips. Shen Yuan gasps lightly and averts his eyes.

But…this is me. He’s gay, but I’m not. Can I still…? If it’s for the sake of his narrative arc?

Luo Binghe pauses, thumb at the plushest part of Shen Yuan’s lips, rubbing distractedly as he
waits for Shen Yuan to figure out the answer. Please. Please, even if it’s not the way Luo Binghe
wanted…

I mean, Shen Yuan quickly rationalizes, heart racing. He tries to moisten his own lips and licks the
pad of Luo Binghe’s thumb, and inhales sharply when he sees how Luo Binghe’s eyes go dark at
the sensation. It’s me, but it’s also Luo Binghe. The protagonist! Who doesn’t want to fuck him,
anyway! And…ultimately, I’m his guardian. His best friend. His master.

Apparently having made his decision, he takes Luo Binghe’s thumb hesitantly into his mouth and
licks at it again.

If he wants something, I should be the one to give it to him.

He grazes his teeth over the finger, blushing furiously, but looking straight into Luo Binghe’s eyes.

He…should never need anybody else but me.

Not even for this.

Luo Binghe whimpers, melting at the warmth that floods over him at that declaration, and finally
lets go and closes the distance between them once more. More than likely, he shouldn’t. He knows
Shen Yuan is misunderstanding, and that as the party with more information, he should be the one
to set things straight.

But whatever strength, whatever decency, is requisite to keep him from pressing their lips together,
he doesn’t possess it. He has a long time alone after this to become a better person.

For now, though, he’ll just be the person who gets to be with his A-Yuan.

Shen Yuan is still thinking all this time—something to the tune of he sounds pent up, huh, he really
did need this—but Luo Binghe isn’t paying attention to that. How can he, with his lips on his
master’s? How can he, when his master opens his mouth and lets him lick in? His entire focus
zeroes in on the points where the two of them are connected—his tongue, against Shen Yuan’s;
one hand at the back of Shen Yuan’s head, keeping them close; one hand at Shen Yuan’s waist;
their legs, starting to tangle together; Shen Yuan’s hands, hesitant at first before they more
confidently roam over the planes of Luo Binghe’s back, leaving fire behind them.

Perhaps, right now, it’s for the best Shen Yuan can’t read his mind. A-Yuan, is all Luo Binghe can
think, A-Yuan, A-Yuan. He’s distantly aware that he’s making little desperate sounds against Shen
Yuan’s mouth, that perhaps he should be embarrassed at his lack of equilibrium, but he can’t bring
himself to care.

Shen Yuan tears his lips away, panting. No matter. Luo Binghe growls and presses kisses to the
corners of his eyes, to his temples, to his ears, down to his neck. “Binghe,” Shen Yuan says,
laughing breathlessly. “You can calm down.”

No.

No, he really can’t.

“A-Yuan,” Luo Binghe whines against the curve of Shen Yuan’s neck. “Please…”

“Not going to ask me to forgive you anymore, huh?” He doesn’t sound angry about it, at least.

Not yet. Not until later.

“Well, it’s okay. We’ll, um…yeah. We’ll get you what you need.”

The words bring tears to Luo Binghe’s eyes. Yes. Yes, this is what he needs, what he’s always
needed…he scrapes his teeth distractedly over a patch of skin, then bites.

“Hey!” Shen Yuan barks, chopping at Luo Binghe’s forehead. “You know you’re not actually a
dog, right?”

But he still doesn’t sound mad, not really. As always, he lets Luo Binghe get away with far too
much.

Luo Binghe hopes desperately that he won’t regret it.

He turns his teary eyes on Shen Yuan, rubbing his nose against the hollow at the base of his neck.
“A-Yuan…Master…”

Shen Yuan tsks gently. “Always such a crybaby.”

“I’m just happy.” He is, indescribably so. He’s still sad somewhere behind it all—the part of him
that remembers that this isn’t happening how he’d imagined it, with flowers and candlelight and
declarations of undying love, and the part of him that remembers that at the end of this he still has
to leave—but the larger part of him has (most) everything he’s dreamed of in his arms. And,
admittedly, the largest part of all is just incredibly aroused.

“Silly boy,” Shen Yuan says fondly, booping his nose with his own. “Was it bothering you that
much, not having any experience?”

“…Yes.” In a way.

“There’s nothing wrong with waiting for the right person.”

But Shen Yuan still wipes Luo Binghe’s tears away, even saying so. And anyway, he’s the right
person. Luo Binghe just isn’t waiting anymore.

“Yes, Master,” Luo Binghe says placatingly, then promptly distracts himself again from less
productive thoughts by mouthing at Shen Yuan’s shoulder.

“Brat,” Shen Yuan murmurs, still fond. “Hold still a moment, would you? Should we…um…
discuss this, or…”

Luo Binghe pouts, and helpfully sucks a dark mark into Shen Yuan’s skin instead.

Shen Yuan gasps, loud, and a hand flies up to pull at Luo Binghe’s hair. “Binghe!” he scolds. “I
told you…” But his words peter out as Luo Binghe moans, more tears springing to the corners of
his eyes, wriggling about under Shen Yuan’s firm grip.

“You…” Shen Yuan echoes, thoughts now properly redirected. That’s right. He was an M. He…
likes this sort of thing, huh…

“Yes,” Luo Binghe says quickly, nodding emphatically and sighing when the movement pulls at
his hair more. “I like it. I love it. Master, I don’t want to talk, I just want…” You. “This.”

“Fuck,” Shen Yuan mumbles under his breath, eyes glazing over. “Um. Yeah. Okay. If…as long as
you…you need it.”

His master tugs at his hair almost experimentally. It’s barely enough for Luo Binghe to feel it. But
he waits as Shen Yuan pulls a bit more, with varying degrees of strength, adjusting his grip every
now and then. His gaze is thoughtful, like he’s collecting data for a science project rather than
trying to make Luo Binghe come.

“Right,” he says. “Okay.” He leans forward to kiss Luo Binghe, a bit clumsy, but still amazing
because he actually initiated it this time, and Luo Binghe forgets all about his hair because Shen
Yuan is kissing him.

He forgets, that is, until Shen Yuan purses his lips, then grips Luo Binghe right at the scalp and
makes a fist.

“Oh,” Luo Binghe breathes shakily, startled. “Mm—”

“You really do like it,” Shen Yuan says into his mouth, awestruck. He pulls.

“A—ahh—”

“So noisy.” He sounds terribly pleased with himself for it, too. “I wonder if it’s just because it’s
your first time or if you’re just…” A slut.

Luo Binghe moans even louder. “Yes…yes, I’m…”

But…if he’s just a slut, would my Binghe moan like this for someone else? Shen Yuan scowls.
Whether it’s conscious or not, Luo Binghe doesn’t know, but as Shen Yuan thinks that, he bites
harshly at Luo Binghe’s lip while tugging hard.

Luo Binghe keens, head pulled back from Shen Yuan’s tight grip on his scalp, tears falling down
his cheek. “No, Master! Not for someone else—just you—just for Master, I’m just your slut—”

“Reading my mind, huh?” Shen Yuan chews on his lips, wild-eyed when he sees the blood beading
at Luo Binghe’s own lip. “Are you just telling me what I want to hear?”

Behind him, in smaller text, he thinks, Haha, uh. Whoa. Where’s all this coming from anyway?

It disappears quickly, though, replaced by No need to overthink it. He’s an M so I’m doing, uh, M
stuff. Whatever. And then he doesn’t really think about it again at all.

“No,” Luo Binghe reassures. “I am reading your mind, but it’s not just—I mean it. I promise. I’m
all yours.”

Shen Yuan’s heart thuds. “All mine,” he whispers. Perhaps he doesn’t realize it’s out loud. “Yeah,
okay.”

Good. Softly, he licks away the blood from Luo Binghe’s lip, licks it and swallows it. His eyes
darken, and a pleased smile steals at his lips. See? A part of you is in me now. A part of you…really
is mine.

Not just a part. But Luo Binghe isn’t dwelling on it. He’s smiling back, helplessly, smile only
growing at Shen Yuan’s Ick, blood doesn’t really taste that great though? Never mind. It’s a
metaphor, a metaphor!

Luo Binghe flips Shen Yuan over on the bed. He’s still smiling. He can’t stop, not even when it
shifts Shen Yuan’s grip in his hair again. Hovering above his master, he says, “Please…let me
show you.”

Let me show you I’m yours. Let me show you that I want everything from you, and that I will give
everything to you.

And if nothing else, let me make you feel good. If that’s all I can have…

Shen Yuan’s pupils dilate. “Uh,” he croaks out. “Sure.”

He watches, wide-eyed and breathing faster, as Luo Binghe grins and rucks up Shen Yuan’s shirt to
kiss down his sternum. “You mind if I…” he mumbles against one of his ribs.

“Uh? No?” He frowns. “Wait, what am I supposed to mind?”

Luo Binghe vanishes both their clothes with a thought.

Shen Yuan startles, shaking his hand out of Luo Binghe’s hair to cover himself instinctively.

“Master,” Luo Binghe says, turning his best puppy eyes on Shen Yuan. “I’d like to see you.”

“It’s not like I’m much to see,” Shen Yuan says, looking away.

“You’re everything.” Luo Binghe kisses his collarbone. “Everything and more.” Kissing his hips
on either side once, he blinks becomingly up at Shen Yuan. “Please?”
Shen Yuan grumbles, but he moves his hand away from where it hovered over his crotch. “You
don’t need to do that. The—the romance dialogue.”

“I’m not,” Luo Binghe says pleasantly, truthfully, looking hungrily over Shen Yuan’s body. He’s
seen it before, of course—on his cameras, when he was dressing him, in the bath—but none of that
is the same as when Shen Yuan lets him look in this context. “You’re beautiful.”

Shen Yuan crosses his arms. His flush has traveled down his neck. “When someone like you says
that, it just sounds like you’re mocking me.”

Luo Binghe tilts his head, and takes one of Shen Yuan’s hands in his own, kisses each fingertip, up
to his palm, up to his wrist. He feels his pulse under his lips. “Someone like me?”

“Oh, don’t do that,” Shen Yuan says irritably. “It’s not like you don’t know you’re…” With his
free hand, he waves. “That.”

“That,” Luo Binghe repeats, eyes curving.

“You know! Like—a mega-handsome supermodel type. The protagonist!” He says the latter word
as though it explains everything, which Luo Binghe supposes to him it does.

Luo Binghe rests his cheek against Shen Yuan’s palm. “I don’t care what I look like,” he says.
“Not as long as you like it. And I wasn’t mocking you. You’re beautiful—gorgeous. I could look at
you all day.”

Shen Yuan frowns. “Sure, at Shen Qingqiu.”

“No.” Luo Binghe gives one last kiss, to Shen Yuan’s knuckles. “At you. At Shen Yuan, my A-
Yuan. Whatever body you’re in, but I’m certainly very fond of this one.”

Shen Yuan fidgets under Luo Binghe’s intense gaze. Eventually, he relents. “Yeah, fine.” I guess
it’s sort of the stallion protagonist’s job to flatter whoever he’s in bed with, even if they’re nothing
special. Whatever. Who taught him to talk like this anyway? Was he just born a womanizer? (A.
Manizer…??)

…They can work on that. Luo Binghe will just have to show him how he sees him, to prove
beyond any doubt that in Luo Binghe’s eyes there is no being more perfect.

Luo Binghe mouths at the slight pudge around Shen Yuan’s waist, continuing down, down. He
doesn’t spend terribly long in any one place. He longs to mark every inch of Shen Yuan’s body, but
—ultimately they’re in a dream and they’ll both wake unblemished, and anyway, he’s always
worried that if he takes too long Shen Yuan will change his mind.

That said, when he reaches Shen Yuan’s cock, he smirks and bypasses it in order to nibble at Shen
Yuan’s thighs. Shen Yuan groans, squirming, and eventually says irritably, “Weren’t you going to
show me something?”

“Am I not showing you enough?” Luo Binghe murmurs, licking a large swathe up the inside of his
thigh.

“Binghe,” Shen Yuan says, petulant.

“A-Yuan.”

He’s pushing it, he knows. Soon enough, Shen Yuan will decide this is too much trouble—
Shen Yuan makes an aggrieved noise, then Luo Binghe has a hand in his hair again, pulling him
away from his thigh. Luo Binghe whimpers.

“Are you actually a dog?” Shen Yuan asks, eyes narrowing. “Is slobbering all over me all you can
do?”

“No, Master…”

“I suppose I really do need to take charge here if anything’s going to get done.” Shen Yuan tsks.
“Open up. Clearly you need something to keep that mouth of yours occupied.”

Luo Binghe’s mouth drops open immediately, both because of the order and his astonishment.
Shen Yuan is flushing again, thinking aaaaa what the fuck am I doing, making the protagonist give
me—a—I mean this is just more M stuff! He should like it! But what if it makes him angry…what if
he realizes it’s not me he wants to do this with…

I mean. But.

He’s the one that started this, okay!! Which means—he should take responsibility! And. Even if he
wanted to do it with someone else…

Shen Yuan’s mouth tics in a tiny snarl at the thought.

No. He’s here now.

They truly are a pair, both so worried about losing the other. Luo Binghe melts that much more.
“Yes,” he breathes, bewitched afresh. “A-Yuan, tell me what to do, make me do whatever you
desire. Mold me until I’m perfect for you. I’ll like it, I really will—no, I want it, I need it…”

Now Shen Yuan’s mouth is agape too. He’s beet red, Luo Binghe’s words echoing in his thoughts,
followed by, U-um. That’s…wow. I mean. If. If he’s going to go that far…

Then…it’s really okay if I…

Disjointed words flash across his mind—dreams, videos he’s watched on a whim, idle fantasies
he’s had. All the ones Luo Binghe knows Shen Yuan usually doesn’t let himself remember,
because of that single promise.

But.

But if Luo Binghe wants it, then it’s okay, right? It’s not…pain for pain’s sake. It’s pain for his
sake.

A calm visibly falls over Shen Yuan, and he lifts his chin. “I see,” he says. “Don’t forget those
words.”

And then, without waiting for a response, he feeds his cock into Luo Binghe’s mouth and shoves it
all the way in.

Luo Binghe chokes on it, not expecting the sudden intrusion. Worry flashes across Shen Yuan’s
face—did I hurt him? Like in a bad way?—and he pulls him off with the hand still in his hair, but
Luo Binghe shakes his head, tears starting up again and holding desperately onto Shen Yuan’s
hips.

More. More of that. More—let me drown in you—

He doesn’t say any of that, mouth otherwise occupied, but Shen Yuan gives a tiny, strangled
giggle, and says, “Such a greedy pup.” He thrusts back in.

Shen Yuan calls Luo Binghe a masochist, and it’s true. But the appeal of it isn’t entirely the pain,
or even entirely the control. The appeal is that for his whole life he’s had to think everyone else’s
thoughts in addition to his own, and it’s exhausting. Now, here, with Shen Yuan using his mouth
like a toy, he doesn’t have to think at all. There’s no more considering what angles make him look
best, and how he can seduce Shen Yuan enough that he lets him stay, no more planning—there’s
just his master, using his grip on his hair to fuck him on his cock.

It’s not really particularly skillful. His master’s hips stutter, and he keeps pushing Luo Binghe too
far and he keeps gagging. But if it’s what his master wants, he doesn’t care. If it makes him feel
better for his master, if it makes him a more pleasurable toy, anything is worth it. His master will
think for him, and he can relax.

“Fuck,” His master curses above him, gasping. “Oh, fuck. Binghe—your mouth feels so—” His
laugh sounds nigh-delirious. “Is this what you wanted? Is this what you needed so badly before left
that you needed to…” He groans. “Needed to—to proposition the closest man—”

Luo Binghe whines around his cock. No, not the closest, just him.

“You look so good like this,” Shen Yuan murmurs, transfixed. “I don’t know why Airplane even
bothered to write you with women when you look—” He thrusts in, deep, and keeps it there a bit
too long. “Like this with a cock in your mouth.” Luo Binghe gags. Tears stream from his eyes.
“Beautiful,” Shen Yuan says, stroking the outline of Luo Binghe’s lips. “You look totally wrecked.
You—you should look like this all the time.”

Luo Binghe’s eyes roll back, pleasure arcing through him at the image of his master keeping him
on his cock always, just a tool used to bring him off—always close, always together, always full.
He shudders, panting and keening, as he comes onto his master’s legs.

“Holy shit,” Shen Yuan says reverently. “You came just from that? I didn’t even touch you. Little
slut.”

Luo Binghe whimpers, pulling against his master’s grip like a dog pulling at his leash, trying
desperately to get back to his master’s cock. Shen Yuan holds him just short, breathing harshly and
watching him struggle.

“Please,” Luo Binghe sobs finally. “Please please please—let me—”

“Let you what? Keep making a fool of yourself?” his master coos, idly slapping his cock against
Luo Binghe’s cheek. “I don’t know if you need any help for that.”

“Let me make you come,” Luo Binghe says, beseeching. “I want to taste you—I need it—”

Shen Yuan purses his lips. “You sure need a lot of things.”

“Please,” Luo Binghe begs.

“I don’t know. Maybe it would be good for you to learn obedience.” Shen Yuan pushes Luo
Binghe further; his eyes glitter darkly. “You wanted me to make you do what I wanted, right? But I
never said I wanted to come in your mouth.”

Luo Binghe swallows, casting back but finding nothing. Things are becoming a little fuzzy around
the edges, and he’s spent enough time researching that he’s fairly certain he’s careening quickly
towards subspace. Shen Yuan looks like he’s still waiting for an answer though, and Luo Binghe
trusts his master wouldn’t lie to him, so he moistens his lips and whispers, “N-no…”

“No,” Shen Yuan says, soft. “Turn around, Binghe.”

He does as he’s told.

“Hold yourself open.”

Right. He just needs to listen to his master. He reaches behind himself, hands still shaky from
orgasm, and holds his cheeks apart to present to Shen Yuan.

“Good.”

Luo Binghe preens.

“It’s…” A bit uncertain now, Shen Yuan asks, “Is it okay if I, uh. Put it in?”

“You can do anything,” Luo Binghe says, eyes drooping but still staying in position. “Anything
Master wants.”

“Okay,” Shen Yuan mumbles. “Well. Uh. Do you have anything I can use…”

Luo Binghe considers through the haze. “This should be…a perfect recreation…so your drawer…”

“How do you know I keep lube in—” Shen Yuan yelps, but calms down quickly, taking a few deep
breaths. “What am I saying, you clean my room,” he grumbles. “Uh. Okay. Never mind.”

He rustles around behind him, then uncaps something. Luo Binghe stays there, like his master
wanted, forehead on the comforter and showing himself.

The lube is cold over his asshole; presumably Shen Yuan didn’t think to warm it. That’s all right.
“Uh,” Shen Yuan says. “So I just…” His finger prods uncertainly at Luo Binghe’s hole, then rubs
at it. “I can’t just shove it in, right…” he says quietly to himself. He rubs a bit more.

Luo Binghe wouldn’t mind if he ‘just shoved it in’, if that’s what his master wanted. Perhaps if he
could concentrate enough to change the dream right now, he might be able to open himself up, but
all he can concentrate on is his master’s hands on him.

“They never show this part in porn,” Shen Yuan grumbles. “Not that I’m expecting, like, an
instructional PSA—and, well, I guess I’m not exactly a gay porn connoisseur either—” He pushes
harder, harder, and his finger slips in. “Oh. Uh. Oops? Binghe, are you okay?”

Luo Binghe pushes back onto the finger.

“That’s…a yes? Maybe?”

Luo Binghe doesn’t want to talk anymore. He makes a small, broken noise, and presses back
further.

“Okay.” Awkwardly, his master pets his flank with his free hand. “Okay, we’ll—I’ll get you, um
—yeah. Okay.”

It takes a while, still. Shen Yuan is hesitant, at first, testing everything cautiously as is his wont
before adding in a second finger, then a third. By the last, Luo Binghe is riding back on the fingers
and his own cock is dripping again.
“Fuck,” Shen Yuan murmurs. “You’re…really big.”

“Master…”

“Yes, yes.” Shen Yuan coughs, stealing a glance at his ass. “I’ll…uh…I’ll just…”

Luo Binghe flops around on his back and looks up at a surprised Shen Yuan. “Wanna see you,” he
says in a voice that is too small, too vulnerable for this situation. “Please, Master.”

Shen Yuan opens his mouth. I’m supposed to say something about orders, right…obedience and
whatever…Closes it. But. I’ve never been able to say no to those eyes.

His master crawls over him and drops a gentle kiss on his lips. “All right. You’ve been a good boy,
and good boys deserve rewards.” That’s M enough, right?

Luo Binghe sniffles, warmth suffusing him. Not even of the sexual kind—well, that too, but mostly
just—the feeling he wanted this whole time. Being loved, being cared for. Being enough.

Shen Yuan has flagged a bit during the process of attempting to figure out how to finger a man
open, but he slicks himself up and gets going again with a few strokes. Biting his lip, he starts to
push in slowly.

Luo Binghe squeezes his fingernails into his palm to keep from coming just from the idea of it. His
master is inside him for real. It’s not only a dream, not a far-off fantasy. His A-Yuan is inside him,
making a choked-off noise and shaking at the effort of keeping still. Luo Binghe may be able to
stave off his orgasm, but he can’t hold back the tears.

“Shit,” Shen Yuan says, flustered. “Did I hurt you? Did you change your mind? Do you need me—
um, out?”

“No!” He cries harder, thinking of his A-Yuan leaving. “No, stay, stay…”

“I’m—yeah, I’m staying,” Shen Yuan reassures just as quickly. “Not going anywhere. Shh.” He
pats uncertainly at Luo Binghe’s face, even as his hand shakes.

Luo Binghe calms down with those words, taking several hitching breaths, then beams all of his
love up at his master through the tears, and says, “Master.”

“Yeah?” Shen Yuan asks, dazed and blinking. His glasses are fogged up and crooked on his face.
He’s absolutely lovely.

“Fuck me. Please, Master?”

His master looks like the air has been punched out of him. He stares, agape, then nods dumbly.
“I…uh…I can do that.”

He presses in further and—and Luo Binghe feels his A-Yuan’s hot come flooding him inside.

“Oh,” he moans, hips twitching, rolling against Luo Binghe’s in little aborted thrusts. “O-oh—oh,
Binghe—I—!”

Luo Binghe’s breath catches, feeling him, seeing how affected he is, so affected by him he couldn’t
even wait to come inside him. Luo Binghe can’t even speak; the thought and sensation fill him
with such dizzying arousal that he feels like he’s choking.

But as Shen Yuan’s orgasm passes and he’s left panting, softening inside him, he suddenly stiffens.
“Oh. Oh, shit. I—I didn’t mean to—I mean, uh, obviously I did sort of mean to but not, like, right
away—uh…” He peers closely at Luo Binghe. If he looks anywhere half as ecstatic as he feels,
perhaps it’s convincing enough. “Was that.” Shen Yuan swallows. “Like…okay?”

Luo Binghe nods rapidly.

“Um. I sort of thought it, like…wasn’t, usually.”

“Master filled me,” Luo Binghe clarifies, since it’s all he can really think about anyway. His voice
is raspy, and more than a little bit slurred. “He filled me all up…” He rubs his belly and shudders,
imagining it distended from Shen Yuan using him over and over again, plugging him up in
between so he doesn’t lose anything. “Full,” he repeats. You know. Just in case Shen Yuan didn’t
get the message.

Shen Yuan’s eyes go wide, and his blush travels that much further. Inside Luo Binghe, his dick
gives a pathetic little twitch. “Fuck,” he murmurs. “Fuck, you’re so…” He coughs, glancing away
with a small frown, then looks back with a smile gone fond. “Binghe really is such a slut.”

“For Master.” He attempts to nuzzle into Shen Yuan’s chest and mostly ends up lightly headbutting
him. “Master,” he sighs, pleased, feeling warm and full and happier than he has been in years.
“Master, Master, Master…”

“What a silly pup,” Shen Yuan says, bemused, but fond still. “You don’t need to call me so many
times. I’m right here.” He reaches down and pats Luo Binghe’s hair, then starts to brush idly
through the strands. “Do you…want to just do this?” he asks quietly. “I mean we already, um…
both…but I know you’re still. Uh. H-hard. So.”

Luo Binghe wants as much of all of this as he can get. Falling back on his puppy eyes again, he
clenches around Shen Yuan’s length.

“Uh-huh,” Shen Yuan grumbles, rolling his eyes affectionately. “Little whore. Okay, sure, I
guess.” His thoughts read I guess if I were a virgin I’d want to go again too, after discovering this
shit. …Wait. Wait wait wait. Am…am I not a virgin anymore? What the fuuuuck— He clears his
throat, scrunching up his face, then his thoughts blank out. He scratches his chin. “It’ll probably
take me a bit to…uhh?!!”

The exclamation at the end there is, presumably, because if Luo Binghe can concentrate on
anything right now it would be on his master’s cock, and so it wasn’t terribly difficult to shift the
dream into making Shen Yuan hard again.

“That was you?” Shen Yuan clarifies.

Luo Binghe nods, and pointedly hooks his ankles behind Shen Yuan’s back.

More fantasies blossom in Shen Yuan’s mind, and he takes a single, shuddery breath. “Right. Right
right. Okay. Yep.” Fuck.

He’s taking too long. Luo Binghe pouts. Fine. He can take things into his own hands.

When the dream reforms around them, Shen Yuan is on the bottom looking shocked, and Luo
Binghe is sitting on top of him, very, very proud of himself.

“Binghe,” Shen Yuan splutters.

Luo Binghe ignores him and draws off Shen Yuan’s cock slowly. Shen Yuan watches him, eyes
flitting between his face and the place where his cock is barely still sheathed in Luo Binghe’s
body. Luo Binghe watches him back.

He watches, and drops down on Shen Yuan’s cock without warning.

Shen Yuan wheezes, hips lifting from the bed instinctively, trying to go even deeper. “Oh, fuck,”
he gasps. “Binghe—Binghe, I can’t—”

He can. Luo Binghe grinds their hips together dirtily, one hand going to his nipple to pinch and
squeeze, one splayed on Shen Yuan’s chest, then repeats himself—slow out, drop in.

“Fucking—fucking shit, Binghe,” Shen Yuan breathes wretchedly, hands flying to Luo Binghe’s
waist. “You’re going to kill me.”

The plan is to save him, but Luo Binghe would be happy to die like this, with his master inside
him. He sets a rhythm, riding Shen Yuan like he used to ride his dildo when Shen Yuan fucked up
into his fist on the cameras. Shen Yuan gives up talking in favor of choked-out moans.

Luo Binghe is barely moving, just circling his hips seated on Shen Yuan with his eyes shut in bliss,
when his eyes fly open. Neither of them are particularly silent during sex, and he’s not really all
here right now, so he hadn’t noticed yet how absolutely filthy the sound of their coupling is. Now
that he’s concentrating on it, he can hear Shen Yuan fucking into his previous release. The hand
that had pinched his nipples red goes to his abdomen again, and he gasps, head falling back and
electricity violently zinging through him.

“What?” Shen Yuan asks, gasping. “Why did you stop?”

“Master,” Luo Binghe says. He beams. “Listen.”

Shen Yuan listens, confused, then colors even darker when he realizes. “Shameless!”

“Only for you,” Luo Binghe says. His eyelashes droop down, tear-wet into clumps. “Master needs
to take responsibility for making me like this,” he continues, wiggling demurely against Shen
Yuan.

“Hah?? What do I have to do with it?!”

“Master fucked me so full and turned me into…hah, his slut…he should…”

“Binghe,” Shen Yuan hisses, embarrassed, sitting up with Luo Binghe still seated in his lap. “What
are you even saying?”

Luo Binghe doesn’t really know what he’s saying anymore; his words are just unspooling like
thread spilled from a basket. “Master should…fuck me more, fill me more, give me—give me
everything of him—”

Shen Yuan growls and, taking a firm hold of Luo Binghe’s hips, lifts him up and then shoves him
down hard. “Is this what you wanted?” He bends them in half, crowding over Luo Binghe. “You
keep barking, pup,” he says, low. “You want me to fuck you? I can do that.”

This cringe dialogue, his thoughts briefly read, before he starts to thrust in earnest, using his grip
on Luo Binghe’s hips to pull him on and off like a ragdoll, and then Luo Binghe stops paying
attention.

This new position makes it very difficult for him to move; he just has to lie there and take it. He
wouldn’t want it any other way. Shen Yuan’s thrusts are still clumsy, but now they’re forceful, and
he’s holding Luo Binghe’s hips so hard they’d definitely bruise outside of a dream. He feels like a
toy, he feels like Shen Yuan’s cock is in his throat, he feels like Shen Yuan’s.

“Master,” he wails. “Masteeer—”

“You asked for this,” Shen Yuan pants. “First time getting fucked and you didn’t even want it nice.
No—you were made for this, weren’t you, made to be used, made to take me like this—”

Luo Binghe convulses around Shen Yuan’s cock, nearly coming just from those words. “Oh,
Master, Master,” Luo Binghe sobs, “Yes, yes—for you—”

“That’s right. For me.” Shen Yuan sounds pleased, through the low muttering. “Yes—I’m the one
fucking you, your Master’s cock is the one that will fill you up—nobody else—fuck, fuck, Binghe,
you feel so fucking good—”

“Come in me,” Luo Binghe says, teary and breathless and filled with electricity down to his
toenails, buzzing and ready to be released. “Please, Master, let me make you feel good, fill up your
Binghe, fuck me over and over and never leave—”

Shen Yuan inhales sharply. His breath catches, then he moans, high-pitched and keening and the
most perfect thing Luo Binghe has ever heard, because he’s moaning Binghe’s name as he comes.

Luo Binghe’s back arches. His hands curl around Shen Yuan’s ass, keeping him close as he fills
him just like he asked, and for a moment he loses the ability to think entirely. His mouth opens;
perhaps he’s moaning too, or perhaps his lungs can’t muster the ability to make noise, with how
the electricity explodes outward from his core and through to every part of him, outward until he’s
too big for himself, out and out until there’s nothing left of him.

When he comes back to himself, he’s taking big, gasping breaths, and he’s crying again, and he’s
holding tight to Shen Yuan. Shen Yuan is shushing him gently and patting his back and running his
hands through his hair all at the same time. “There, there,” he’s saying, though he sounds just as
exhausted as Luo Binghe feels. “There you go. There’s my sweet Binghe.”

“Master,” Luo Binghe says, blinking at Shen Yuan before breaking into a huge smile. “Master. A-
Yuan.”

Shen Yuan tsks. “Did you forget all your other words?” Absentmindedly, he drops a kiss on Luo
Binghe’s forehead. “Your A-Yuan is here already.”

Luo Binghe’s heart has never felt so full. His smile is so big it hurts his face, but he can’t let go of
it any more than he can let go of his A-Yuan. Every time he says ‘master’ Shen Yuan hums and
pets him, and he doesn’t leave.

Luo Binghe had sort of thought he would.

And—well, maybe it’s that, that ruins everything. Maybe it’s the endorphins, if that still exists in
dreams. Maybe it’s just that it was their first time, or maybe it’s just that he loves Shen Yuan too
much.

Maybe it’s just that Luo Binghe never deserved to have a good thing for this long, anyway, and this
night just used up all his supply.

Whatever it is, Luo Binghe, still smiling stupidly, kisses Shen Yuan. That’s not the bad part.
 The bad part is that Luo Binghe draws back after and stares into his eyes, and he says, “Master…
A-Yuan…my Shen Yuan. I love you.”

Chapter End Notes

god all fuckin mighty this was a trial lol. but here you guys are, roughly 6.5k of
pornography (and also some angst at the end for flavor <3) ah i think i've said
something similar recently but just in case! this comes up sometimes in comments
when i complain about adding in the smut, where folks in the comments ask why i do
smut if i get so irritated by it, or suggest not doing it for my sake. it is very much
something that comes from a place of kindness but! just preemptively i will say to that
question that the reason i write smut is not because i enjoy writing it but because i
enjoy the finished product and want it to be in the fic. :P i'm not forcing myself or
anything and i am ok, i am just also an ornery bastard who gets through writing
something i am still, overall, quite new to, by venting at length on twitter lol. so no
worries there! all of that aside. this was a bitch and a half to write haha.

i tried to think for a long time about the extent to which the basis of this scene--aka sy
is still in denial but pretending he's doing this for lbh and lbh is aware of this but letting
it happen anyway--is dubcon and i'm still not that sure u_u on one hand there's def an
information imbalance. on the other hand, if someone knew that somebody was
having sex with them casually and they were in love with that friend and didn't tell
them that wouldn't be considered dubcon right? only bringing it up bc i mentioned the
details of this in the intro cw but if anybody thinks i should explicitly say dubcon do
let me know bc i was on the fence and i don't want to miss out on an important
warning because of, like, semantics

anyway this note won't be as long as usual. i can ramble about mostly anything
EXCEPT for sex scenes bc the thought of candidly discussing why i decided to do a
riding here or a fucking there makes me want to make residence in a compost bin. only
other thing i can think of to say is that there is so much swearing here and it is partially
because i read some post or other once upon a time about how western fic authors
shouldn't default to having danmei fic be too christian and boy excising 'god' has been
harder than i expected, especially when i am attempting to make these young
gentlemen see god. (the system gets to because it has a god but if they saw that
particular god now it would be awkward. like, a shortcut! but real real awkward)
 Chapter 15
Chapter Notes

cws for this chapter: therapy mention, one of sy's past therapists does...bad therapy on
him? like nothing dangerous she's just kind of an ass about it, sy insults himself a lot
(using some ableist language), a lot of insecurity from sy in general, lbh has something
like an anxiety attack (or maybe subdrop, but i frankly don't know enough about it to
write about it in detail and it was a glancing mention anyway so let's just say anxiety
attack made worse by an abrupt departure from sex feelings), lbh again is fairly
presumptuous about sy already being in love with him and just not acknowledging it
and he uses the fact that he can read sy's mind and obsessively pays attention to him to
sort of confront/attack him with romantic/possessive thoughts he's had before about
lbh, possessive thinking from both of them, mention that sy thinks of himself as a
guardian or parent but then wonders if there are parents/guardians who want to watch
their children all the time, lbh tells sy about the cameras and says he installed them
because he truly loves him (and that bc sy also wants to watch him that means he's in
love with lbh too), sy isn't really as freaked out about it as he should be and is kind of
turned on by it, sy mentions he wanted to use cameras too but couldn't, sy has a sort of
mini anxiety attack too, when sy thinks he can't deal with it lbh makes the decision for
him without asking to wake him up (bc he won't remember it when he wakes up),
unreality warning (about half or so of the ch happens in a dream and again sy can't
remember it when he wakes up and finds it very confusing esp bc he has pain in his
head when he looks at smth he should remember), stabbing mention, mention of this
au's canon sqq getting angry when lbh tries to leave and then stabbing him, food
mention, lbh acts as though he was blackened all along to prompt the stabbing scene
and threatens to blackmail sqq by telling everyone that he's made him act like his dog
for years and forced him to be way too close (and that he would say there were
perverse motivations behind it, which would include when he was a minor), sy gets
super confused by this and freaks out again, lbh uses mind control to make sy stab him
and sy only freaks out more so he uses mind control once more to knock him out,
blood mention

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Shen Yuan isn’t really prone to introspection as a general rule. In all honesty—in too much honesty
—whenever he looks inside he’s not exactly the biggest fan of what he sees. That said: even he
knows he compartmentalizes too much. One of those therapists had told him so. She said he put all
of the feelings and thoughts he found inconvenient into a box and shoved them away, and, like—
yeah, no shit! Why would he deal with things if he didn’t have to? He’d more or less said as much
to her, and she had sighed and told him he was also very stubborn. She didn’t say it in those words,
sure, but that’s what she meant. “Once you’ve decided something is a certain way,” she said, “You
ignore everything that doesn’t suit your narrative, or twist it until it does. We’re aware that’s not
healthy, right?”

Shen Yuan had stared at her in silence for the rest of the session, then informed her on his way out
that he did not appreciate being told what he was and wasn’t aware of. When he got home, he told
his parents he would not be seeing that particular therapist again.
Anyway. The point is he’s fucked up, and he’s kind of an idiot, but he’s not stupid. Not entirely
stupid, anyway. When Binghe kisses him, he doesn’t read too far into it because he has been very
carefully not reading into any of their interactions for, like, the whole time they’ve known each
other. When Binghe chooses to fill his last night here by having passionate sex with him, he finds
an adequate explanation and shuts his brain off so he doesn’t think any more about it.

When Binghe says he loves him, though.

Or—more particularly—when Binghe says he loves him and then bursts into messy, snotty tears,
rather than following it up with, say, ‘bro, or ‘but no homo’, or ‘you—r familial guidance and/or
sex skills’, Shen Yuan sort of gets the gist. Sort of being the operative words; the thought is so
completely foreign to him that he immediately does what that therapist said: he shoves it into a
box.

The protagonist loving him. Binghe loving him. Like, yes-homo romantically. That—

Well, that simply doesn’t fit the narrative.

Binghe can be gay. He can even have sex with him once. Everybody makes dumb choices now and
then. But he can’t be in love with Shen Yuan, because—well. Too much honesty again? Binghe
deserves better. In fact, he’s destined for better. Shen Yuan isn’t even…good. Take away the
transmigration, which was really a mistake in the first place, and he’s just a freak who likes hurting
people and reading.

So. Basically. Shen Yuan is not completely stupid but he is completely an asshole who says
completely stupid shit when he panics. The end result is that Shen Yuan stares at Binghe crying for
way too long, and pats his back awkwardly when he starts to hyperventilate a little bit, and then
with his cock still inside the man says, “Like—as friends?”

Binghe’s lip wobbles. Slowly, he closes his eyes, and just as slowly, Shen Yuan remembers that
Binghe can read his mind.

Well, shit. Maybe Shen Yuan is stupid after all.

“Never mind,” Binghe says in a voice that sounds so defeated Shen Yuan feels his heart plummet
down to his stomach. “I knew that…I knew. Just forget I said anything.”

Shen Yuan swallows. His gaze darts around. He’s panicking worse now. “Uh. I mean…it’s not
that…”

“Shen Yuan,” Binghe says. Shen Yuan winces at being full-named in a tone so completely
different than the one Binghe had used to confess to him. “I’m not saying this to guilt trip you. But
if you’re going to try to explain to me the reasons why you think you don’t feel the same, or why
you think I should change my mind, please—just don’t. I know what you’re thinking, quite
literally, and…” He opens his eyes, looks at him steadily now even though he’s still crying a little.
“And I still feel this way. I always have. I always will. No matter the things you think you cannot
be forgiven for, no matter the feelings you think you need to hide. No matter how good or bad or
in-between you are, I still love you, and the only destiny I care about is the one that has led me to
you. So please, don’t try to cheapen my feelings by explaining them away when you don’t even
understand your own feelings yet.”

Shen Yuan flushes. He’s not sure if it’s because of that truly protagonist-worthy confession or if
it’s because of the vague feeling he’s being patronized somehow. Either way, the former is still too
much for him right now, so he fixates on the latter. “You and the System both. Why is everyone so
sure they know what I feel?”

Binghe massages the bridge of his nose. Suddenly, he just looks tired, and strangely small for
being such a big man. “Apart from me being able to read your mind?”

“Yes, apart from that! I mean, I—I’m the one thinking those thoughts in the first place, and I
haven’t noticed anything.” It comes out sounding like a lie to his ears. He shoves that thought in
the box too. “What, do you have access to some—some hidden cache of gayness in my brain that I
don’t?”

“No. But I’m fairly certain I pay more attention to you than you ever do to yourself. The thoughts
that you dismiss so quickly, the ones you forget about just as fast—I see all of them. I remember
every one.”

Shen Yuan purses his lips stubbornly. “Oh, yeah? Like what?”

Binghe’s eyes harden. His voice lowers, in a way Shen Yuan hasn’t heard since that day he hurt
his wrist. “You know what? Fine. I wanted to let you come to this in your own time, because I
knew you weren’t ready yet, and I didn’t want to hurt you. But if you insist, we can do this right
now.”

Shen Yuan’s throat goes dry. He clears it. “Uh. O-okay?”

Binghe’s smile doesn’t reach his eyes. “All right, then. How about this: you think about me as if
I’m yours. It’s always ‘my Binghe’, ‘my sweet bun’, ‘my pup’. You like it when I call you mine as
well. The thought of me finding another man someday makes you distressed and angry, to the
point you’ve thought of tying me up so you could keep me with you. The man you envisioned
myself being with looked like you, though, and you worried he would do things to me that you had
envisioned doing to me yourself.”

Shen Yuan’s face is hot. How could he have thought he could withstand this? “Okay, I got it. You
can stop.”

“Oh, but I’m not done yet,” Binghe says icily. “You prefer the days when I’m not in school,
because you want me close at all times. You hate not having me within sight. Even when you’re
certain I’m at home, you want me to hurry on my chores so that you can see me again. You claim
it’s because you want to protect me, but even you think you’re going a bit far sometimes. You
think of yourself as my friend, my guardian, my parent, whatever will allow you to mentally justify
this desire for possession—but you also wonder on occasion if that’s an adequate explanation. Are
there parents who would want to watch their children all the time? Would any guardian imagine
themselves by their ward’s side their entire life? Would a friend,” he says this word dripping with
derision, “Want to keep their ‘friend’ to themselves—would they hate the idea of them interacting
with others?” His smile shows teeth, now, more a baring of fangs than anything else. “Would a
friend think of their friend, and only him, when they masturbated?”

Shen Yuan attempts to recoil in horror, only to realize he’s still inside Binghe. His blush drips
down his neck. “I—I didn’t—I mean, how would you even know what I thought about when—?!”

Binghe leans closer. “I love you,” he says, eyes burning. “I told you that already. So why would
you think I wouldn’t want to see you at every moment too?”

Shen Yuan blinks, skipping over the confession a moment to run mentally through the logistics.
“Do you have a hole in my ceiling or something?”
Binghe laughs. The sound is a bit crazed, but somehow it…mostly just makes Shen Yuan feel sad.
“Please. A single hole couldn’t give me everything I need from you. I have cameras all over the
house. Multiple in your room. I truly never let you out of my sight. If that’s not love, what is?”

Shen Yuan…

Should be freaked out, probably? That’s, like. A major invasion of privacy. And he’s not even
going to think about everything Binghe has seen, otherwise he’ll combust right here and now. He
should be mad, creeped out, he should be running away or something. When characters in books
find out they’re being stalked (and that’s what this is, right, more or less? Stalking?) that’s what
they do. And admittedly, Shen Yuan is sort of disgruntled by the revelation, part because Binghe
didn’t even ask permission, part because Binghe’s seen him getting off and that’s just super
awkward, and part because Shen Yuan wasn’t even ALLOWED to use cameras because it would
be OOC and here Binghe was this whole time—

…Okay. Yes. Shen Yuan may be stubborn, but he…can also…sort of get…how that’s. Not, um.

Normal.

Shen Yuan scrubs his hands over his face and sighs. That’s not even the worst part of it, really. The
worst part is that when Binghe said that, Shen Yuan could feel his dick twitch inside Binghe, and
if he felt it Binghe felt it, and the even worse-worst part is that hearing it filled him with a deep sort
of contentment. Like—rightness, maybe. Like, a kind of…’yes, my Binghe wants me close too. He
cares about me too. If I’m not normal and he’s not normal, we can at least be not normal together.’

So that all pretty quickly washes away the contentment, really.

“I’m…not,” Shen Yuan mumbles to himself, muffled further by his hands. Panic rises like a wave
within him. “I’m not.”

He’s not sure what he’s saying he isn’t. Not gay? Maybe more convincing without his dick stuck in
a dude! Not good enough? He isn’t, but if Binghe doesn’t care, then who the fuck is Shen Yuan to
play martyr?

Not in love with Binghe?

No.

He…doesn’t…think. That. That he’s saying that.

That thought only makes the feeling swell in him more. His throat feels raw, and his eyes are
starting to sting, and he can’t breathe enough to fill his body.

“A-Yuan,” Binghe says, back to being gentle again, back to the nickname, and it makes everything
worse. He shakes his head roughly, hands pressed over his eyes. Binghe can see everything he’s
thinking, but at least like this he doesn’t have to see Binghe’s face. Why the fuck is he reacting like
this? He’s not sure. He can’t think, he doesn’t want to think—

He chokes out the only answer he has right now. “I don’t know. I don’t know, Binghe.”

Binghe exhales softly. He’s the one, now, rubbing Shen Yuan’s back, and they stay like that for a
while until Shen Yuan can breathe again.

Eventually, Binghe pats him once, twice, and breaks the silence. “I know you don’t,” he says,
subdued. “I get it, A-Yuan. I really do.”
Shen Yuan shakes his head again—not because he doesn’t think Binghe gets it, because probably
he does. He just…doesn’t know how to deal with this. Any of this. This entire night. It’s all too
much.

He can feel how careful Binghe is when he touches their foreheads together; he can feel Binghe’s
eyelashes against his knuckles. He can still feel himself inside Binghe, and the he can still feel the
remnants of exhilaration and satisfaction and anxiety.

He’s not sure if he wants to feel any of this anymore. It’s not even bad, necessarily, it’s just…he
doesn’t know. Too much. It’s too much. It would be simpler if he could just put it in a box, like he
always does, but there’s some part of him that wants to hold onto it, too…

Maybe it’s the same part of him that wants to hold onto Binghe.

But as soon as he thinks it, Binghe is drawing back. He presses one last, painfully gentle kiss to
Shen Yuan’s forehead, then climbs off him.

“It’s okay, my A-Yuan,” Binghe murmurs. “You don’t have to think about it anymore. Not for
now. For now, you can just wake up.”

Shen Yuan’s eyes fly open, but now Binghe is holding Shen Yuan’s hand over them, and as usual
he can’t move Binghe no matter how much he struggles. “Wait—wait, Binghe—”

“Shh.” He pauses, then whispers, “Take care, my love.”

Shen Yuan is going to say something. He’d forgotten the most important thing here, too—that this
was Binghe’s last night. That he’d be gone soon. That Shen Yuan hasn’t even said goodbye.

And, most especially, that Shen Yuan won’t remember anything when he wakes up.

Fuck. He truly is stupid, after all.

And that’s the last thing he thinks before—

Shen Yuan wakes up with tears on his cheeks and a hollow feeling in his chest. Luo Binghe is
standing there, just looking at him, and maybe that should come across to him as strange, but really
he just feels relieved. Relieved, and like he wants Binghe to stay there close to him, and like he’s—
forgotten something—

His head hurts. He frowns.

“Good morning, Master,” Binghe says, a bit more quiet than usual. Is he all right? He’s graduating
today, isn’t he supposed to be happy about that? Though. Shen Yuan supposes today isn’t really a
happy occasion for him, at any rate.

[Happy Stabmas!]

And…that would be why. He scowls at the rectangle, barely resisting the urge to throw it a good-
morning bird. Happy my ass, he thinks irritably at it. Why do I even have to still do this, if the Main
System still isn’t around?

[In case it comes back, obviously. Or hell, maybe it’s just watching from somewhere else.
Maybe this is some kind of promotion test for me. Maybe it thinks I can manage anything if I
can manage your mopey ass.]

Maybe it hates you and it just didn’t want to see you. Maybe it saw you coming and said [Oh shit
everyone it’s this asshole hide until it goes away].

[That’s not very nice of you to say.]

And it’s nice of you to make me stab an innocent man?

[Look. I didn’t write this story, okay? And anyway, the automated OOC alerts are still in
place. If you don’t stab him, you’ll die.]

Shen Yuan doesn’t answer. He also doesn’t answer Binghe’s greeting; he feels too guilty when he
looks at him. Fuck, Binghe has done absolutely nothing to deserve this. This is just wrong. Even if
he survives—and he will—anything Shen Yuan has done to make his life a little easier just goes
down the drain with this. Maybe it’s worse, even, to have given him sweetness where he could only
to taint it with this betrayal.

Shen Yuan rubs his eyes. He feels some phantom pressure there, like there’s a hand covering them.
“You’re graduating today, yes?” he finally asks.

“Yes, Master.”

Shen Yuan chews on his lip, considering, then says quietly, “Congratulations.”

Congratulations, Binghe, for getting through life when you’ve had so few people around you who
could support you. And I’m sorry that I couldn’t be one of them, in the end.

[-50 B-points for a moderate OOC violation!]

[What the fuck, dude!]

He doesn’t even attempt to justify himself. He doesn’t have the energy. It’s fine. It’s only 50
points. Binghe is worth much more than that.

[God, you cheesy fuck. And you still claim you’re not gay for him?]

His head hurts. He doesn’t respond to that either.

[…I hate myself for asking, but, uh. Are you okay?]

No.

It might be the impending stabbing, or just that he woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Both,
perhaps. But okay is the furthest thing from what he feels right now.

He startles at a soft hand on his shoulder. Binghe is smiling at him, but his eyes are full of pain.
“Master, shower or bath?”

Who hurt his sweet bun? Are graduation blues a thing? Is he leaving some guy behind when he
leaves this school? Or can he see the future? No, that’s stupid. This isn’t that kind of book.
“Shower, I think.”

Binghe sighs, almost imperceptibly. “All right. I’ll get your clothes together, then.”
Binghe goes into his closet. Shen Yuan goes into the bathroom. His head hurts, and his heart does
too.

“Wait,” he calls out, right on the threshold. Binghe appears behind him, head bowed. “Yes,
Master?”

“Uh. I…changed my mind. Bath.”

He doesn’t know why, but he just wants to stay close right now, while he can.

This time, Binghe’s smile is more genuine, though it’s still small. “All right. I’ll be right in.”

Binghe washes his back. There isn’t any more talking, but Shen Yuan thinks it’s not because
Binghe is unhappy doing this? Or, like, more unhappy than he was, anyway. Shen Yuan sort of
likes being like this—likes being around someone who can be quiet with him.

Just as he thinks it, Binghe laughs a bit.

“What?”

“Sorry. It’s nothing. I just was thinking of something I could add to an argument I was having
recently.”

Shen Yuan has been there, but he’s not going to burn any more OOC points saying so. “Well, as
long as it’s not distracting you from taking care of me,” he says with a huff.

“Never, Master.”

Shen Yuan’s brows furrow. His head sings with pain. Other than that, though, the bath finishes
without incident.

Shen Yuan doesn’t have anything to do until later in the day. Or, well, he has work and shit, but he
can’t really concentrate on it with Stabmas impending. He mostly just sort of just fucks around
until it’s the evening.

The way it’s supposed to go is that Binghe comes to visit Shen Qingqiu in his office after the
graduation party, which is mostly just an excuse for Binghe to make out with some girls and get
drunk enough to be bold. He brings up that he wants to go to college, and that he’s found a way to
pay for it himself, and that he thinks he’s more than paid off the cost of that vase by now but if
Shen Qingqiu disagrees he can pay him the remainder.

Shen Qingqiu, of course, being a grade-A asshole, flies into a rage. I fed and clothed you even after
your mother died, blah blah, this is how you repay me, blah blah blah, traitorous beast et cetera et
cetera. Binghe threatens to expose Shen Qingqiu’s multiple evil doings if he doesn’t let him leave.
Shen Qingqiu stabs him with a dull letter opener, ow, and has him carted off to America.

What actually happens, though: Shen Yuan goes off to the kitchen to ask for dinner, since Luo
Binghe’s gone. Except he’s not actually gone. He’s calmly slicing some vegetables to add to
whatever dish it is he’s making, and he only looks up when everything is neatly diced and added
into the pan.

“Master,” he says. “Dinner will be ready shortly.”

[Uhhhhh…]
Shen Yuan really wasn’t expecting to see him here so soon. He thought he had more time to
prepare his heart! He freezes for too long, though Binghe has never really called him out on his
habit of spacing out for long periods. “Uh,” he stammers. “L-Luo Binghe. You’re here? There
aren’t any…celebrations or…anything like that?”

Binghe has resumed cooking in the meantime. “None that matter. I did take the liberty of choosing
a slightly more extravagant dish for dinner today, though. I hope Master does not mind.”

“Nnnno?” Wait what am I supposed to do here? Do I wait until later or…uh…like do I…start
arguing now?

[I don’t know! He keeps going off track!]

“Master,” Binghe says, just as calm. “I’ve been thinking about it for quite some time…and I think I
could be of more use to Master if I had a college education.”

This! Is this it??

[I don’t know! His motivations are all fucked up! Fuck, I should have known…]

Known what?!?

[Shut up. I’m trying to think.]

“Uh,” Shen Yuan responds intelligently. “You’re…supposed to…stay here…?”

[Oh my God your improv skills are hopeless.]

Binghe just keeps sautéing vegetables. “Would that I could. But I can’t. What will everyone say
when they know that your attendant is so far below you?”

Below whom? Binghe’s grades were even better than Shen Qingqiu’s! “But the vase,” Shen Yuan
says ineffectually, grasping at straws and thinking strangely that somehow he seems right now like
a lover begging her paramour not to go off to the big city.

“I’ve deposited the full value of the vase in your bank account.” Luo Binghe takes the pan off the
heat and turns off the stove. “There shouldn’t be any issue.”

Shen Yuan’s mouth drops open.

The System is right. This is all fucked up. Binghe shouldn’t be showing his cards this fast. What is
he doing? “I, but…you’re…mine?”

Had there been a line like that in the original? Shen Yuan can’t remember. Luo Binghe smiles,
wiping his hands off on the towel he has tucked into his apron strings. “Of course I am. Why are
you acting so fidgety, hm? It can’t be you’re worried about what will happen when I’m gone.”

Shen Yuan straightens up and puts on his best Shen Qingqiu voice. “Certainly not!”

“No. You wouldn’t be worried I’ll tell everyone what farce you’ve been playing out these past
several years.” His voice drops, going chilly. “Making me act as your dog. Having me around all
the time. Forcing me to bathe you and dress you and call you Master.”

Shen Yuan’s eyes practically bulge out. What the FUCK! Binghe had asked to do most of that!!!
“Luo Binghe, what is the meaning of this?”
“You’re not stupid, Shen Qingqiu.”

His head hurts.

“You can’t really have thought I wanted to serve you all this time, right?” His head tilts cockily.
His eyes are so dead it’s scary. “You humiliated me. Did you think I enjoyed it?”

Sort of, a little, yeah! What the hell is going on. He doesn’t recognize this Binghe. He doesn’t…
want…He doesn’t want this Binghe, he wants his Binghe, the one who was cooking just earlier…

“You did, didn’t you,” Luo Binghe sneers. “How cute. But not everyone shares your perverse
nature. And I guarantee you, if you try to stop me, if you even so much as look my way while I’m
gone, the next thing everyone will be talking about is how the Shen family bastard is as dirty as the
street he was taken from.”

Shen Yuan doesn’t understand. His head hurts, his heart is pounding so loud it’s in his ears, and he
can’t quite take a full breath. “Binghe,” he breathes out of habit, reaching out.

[-15 B-points for a minor OOC violation!]

[Shen Yuan, snap out of it! You have to do it now. I don’t know why the story is going like
this, but Shen Qingqiu wouldn’t let this stand.]

“You don’t…mean all of this, do you?”

Luo Binghe looks almost pitying. “You really are a pathetic excuse for a man,” he says. His mouth
tics. “Like a dog.”

[-30 B-points for a moderate OOC violation!]

[-40 B-points for a moderate OOC violation!]

[-50 B-points for a moderate OOC violation!]

[-70 B-points for a major OOC violation!]

[Shen Yuan! Stab him!]

Shen Yuan dazedly takes the knife from a nearby knife block in hand, but he doesn’t do anything
with it.

Luo Binghe laughs. “Oh, sure. Go ahead and try. You don’t have the guts.”

[-100 B-points for a major OOC violation!]

[-150 B-points for a major OOC violation!]

[-200 B-points for a major OOC violation!]

Shen Yuan doesn’t know what to do. He thinks he might be crying a little bit? This isn’t his
Binghe. Who is this? Who is the man standing in front of him? He just wants him to go away so
that his Binghe can come back…

A voice forces its way into his mind. It sounds like Binghe’s. It’s okay, A-Yuan, it says. I thought
this might happen. You’re far too kind.
And then his mind goes white, and his hands tighten around the knife, and his head hurts, and he’s
stabbing Binghe.

…He’s stabbing his Binghe.

He steps back with a choked sob, control over his body returning to him and tears flooding his eyes
all at once. “Wait, Binghe,” he says, watching the blood soak Binghe’s nice shirt. His eyes are
wide and he’s starting to hyperventilate. “Binghe—I didn’t—Binghe, you’re okay—”

[-200 B-points for a major OOC violation!]

You did a good job, A-Yuan, the voice says, soft and sweet and so warm Shen Yuan could swim in
it. How about you sleep now?

His mind goes white again. He thinks he might collapse to the ground. He’s not sure.

His head doesn’t hurt anymore, though.

[What the fuck,] the System types, unseen by the two men passed out on the kitchen floor. [What
the fuck what the fuck what the fuck.]

There was a lot to unpack here. The System had never felt like its computing power was so low
before. But beyond the story going so completely off the rails that the protagonist blackened ahead
of time, beyond everything gaining a strange homoerotic tint, even beyond the fact that Shen Yuan
was unconscious right now which means that Luo Binghe is actually, properly bleeding out at the
moment—

[Since fucking WHEN has this protagonist had the power to control people’s minds?!]

The System is fairly certain its data analysis isn’t incorrect. Shen Yuan’s mind has had an odd echo
to it, recently, but it thought maybe it was just because it was hollow in there, or something! But
this—the protagonist had the audacity to compel Shen Yuan to stab him, then to make him fall
asleep. Right in front of it!! In fact, the System thinks the protagonist might have been looking at it,
and that…

Would…

Actually explain a lot.

Except for how this fucking happened in the first place, for fuck’s sake.

[What the fuck. Really. I’m so fucking dead.]

[yeah things are pretty messed up huh] a rectangle pops up in front of it.

If the System could scream, it would.

[Holy fucking shit!!!! What the fuck are you!!!]

 [doesn’t matter. what does matter is you’re up shit creek]

[if the main system sees the plot has deviated this far from the original you’re getting deleted like
that]

[(imagine me snapping)]

[Yeah, that’s what I just said. And so? Again, what the fuck are you?]

[probably the only one can help you right now]

[do you want to make a deal]

[I’m usually the one offering deals.]

[yeah I know]

[so do you want to make a deal]

[by the way I have it on good authority the Main System will be back fairly soon. couple of years
maybe, local time]

[How do you know that??]

[I just do. do you want to make a deal]

[I’ll save the protagonist if you do]

It’s probably not the best decision the System has ever made. But the protagonist is getting pale
and everything really is quite fucked up, and it doesn’t have the best AI in the first place, and also
it keeps thinking about what Shen Yuan said about the Main System hiding from it, and honestly
it’s kind of pissed off!

[Fine. Okay. Sure.]

[great]

[so]

[then here’s what you need to do]

Chapter End Notes

sorry this one took a bit getting out! i Wasn't Feelin It the day after releasing the last
chapter, and then the day after that i started a new medication so my time has been
occupied by feeling like shit. then i started writing and got stuck on the first few
paragraphs rewrote them several times blah blah blah but it's out now!

i had a really hard time deciding how to play shen yuan's reaction this chapter. like, i
wasn't sure to what degree i wanted him to be...uh...like aware that he's a doofus? like,
i was writing it thinking 'ok but there's no way he doesn't know at ALL' and then 'yeah
but, like, canonically--' XD anyway either way this is what i ended up with. tbh i am
always in a state of totally winging it so if there's any characterization inconsistencies
it is to be expected and if there aren't you can just be pleasantly surprised <3

speaking of winging it: lbh's demeanor in the stabbing part. i didn't plan it like that
initially buuuut it's ok i retroactively justified it lol. don't worry i'll get into it next
chapter! also if you didn't get it / didn't remember / can't see the visual distinction of
the text etc etc the thing the system is talking to at the end is binghe's mentor. i was
going to put that in more explicitly but i couldn't find a way to make it fit (or i could
but then it was too spoiler-y...) so yes there you go. this was also a last-minute
decision. should i. stop exposing myself like this lol
 Chapter 16
Chapter Notes

cws for this chapter: brief mention of lbh controlling most of their relationship
dynamic, unreality warning (dream!sy knew about the stabbing & circumstances
around it but awake!sy doesn't, sy continues to have his head hurt when he sees
something he should remember and feels like he's forgetting something), lbh seals off
the memory of their last night together entirely in an attempt to help sy since he
reacted so badly to it, blood mention, medical mention (both fairly nongraphic), sy has
something akin to flashbacks/sense memories? of stabbing lbh and attempts to cope in
an unhealthy way by working all the time and shoving everything into a box, some
mentions of sy codependency with lbh, glancing food mention, brief mention that the
rest of the staff suspect that sqq did something to lbh and it's isolating him even
further, when sy does think about things sometimes he questions whether he actually
remembered his past correctly bc he wants binghe to be right (but the system sets him
straight), self-loathing thoughts from sy, the system tells awake!sy about the cameras
and he again has a somewhat lacking reaction though this time it's mostly bc he is not
doing great

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Knowing you will likely have to force your beloved to stab you after convincing them you hate
them and actually doing it are, as it turns out, wildly different things. Luo Binghe thinks his heart
will break seeing Shen Yuan’s thoughts as it happens, seeing how his face fills with fear and
shame and horror. It almost feels fitting to be stabbed for doing this to his love.

They did talk about all of this, of course. At some point during their planning, his mentor had
popped up to point out that the canon story was presently lacking plausibility. Shen Qingqiu was
supposed to have done terrible things that Luo Binghe could threaten to blackmail him over, but
Shen Yuan honestly really didn’t do much other than vaguely bully Luo Binghe. The System had
eventually gotten tired of telling him to embezzle and conspire against competitors and such, and
Shen Yuan didn’t get OOC warnings when Luo Binghe wasn’t there and could argue away the
rest, so…well. He was overall a pretty clean worker, apart from occasionally reporting he’d
worked all day when he actually took an over-long lunch break, or other minor missteps of that
nature.

Luo Binghe hadn’t even thought of it, but his mentor was right. He’d wanted to keep the story on
track to avoid raising suspicion, but it wouldn’t be good either if they couldn’t think of an excuse
that might make awake-Shen Yuan stab him.

[besides if you think that system hasn’t noticed anything by this point you’re being too optimistic]
his mentor had said. [we’ll need to deal with it a different way]

How?

[let me take care of that. you just figure out how to get stabbed] A brief pause. [but keep in mind
that you might need to take over. your transmigrator seems pretty soft]

Shen Yuan is, but Luo Binghe wouldn’t have him any other way.
So he brought it to Shen Yuan to brainstorm. Shen Yuan wrote some dogblooded script about Luo
Binghe thinking he’s a pervert, which frankly sort of seems like an indictment of Luo Binghe given
that most of their dynamic is dictated by him but he’d let that go, and he’d given Luo Binghe
permission to control him if it came to it.

Probably, neither of them had really fully comprehended what it would do to them to play this out,
though. Shen Yuan couldn’t know anything about what was going on, and had to believe he had
really stabbed Luo Binghe. Luo Binghe had to witness his pain and make him do it anyway. And
all this after last night…

Last night had been amazing and terrible both. More amazing than terrible, and Luo Binghe
doesn’t regret it, but he does wish he had held his tongue. He wants to tell Shen Yuan he loves him
all the time—wants to scream it from the rooftops, and whisper it into his mouth—but he’d known
at this point in his plan it would do more harm than good.

So he’d done what he needed to do in order to keep Shen Yuan from hurting, especially when he’s
not here to talk him through it. He’d sealed the memory of their night together from Shen Yuan
entirely.

Waking up, knowing his master wouldn’t remember this moment that was so important to him…
well, that he’d briefly regretted. But it was for the best. All of this was for Shen Yuan. He’d keep
their memories safe until he returned, and then he’d continue his plan without any distractions, and
when the time was right Shen Yuan could remember again. It would be fine. They would be fine.

For the moment, though, he is definitely bleeding out. He’s only hazily conscious, but he does
briefly worry that their preparations have broken down somewhere before the kitchen door bangs
open from the outside and the paramedics he’d hired to take him to a discreet hospital come
rushing in.

He wishes he could say goodbye to Shen Yuan. He wishes he could see him again, at least.

But his eyes are too heavy, and his voice is a mere rattle on the wind.

It’s…okay. He’ll see him again. He has to. He can’t let himself believe there’s any other option.

With only his master’s name on his mind and a confession on his lips that only he knows, he
finally properly passes out.

Shen Yuan shoots out of bed with a gasp, a phantom pain in his chest, his hand flying to press over
it. If he concentrates, he can still feel the knife in his hand, and how it felt as it entered Binghe’s
chest.

He tries hard not to concentrate, these days.

[Bad dream?] To Shen Yuan’s dismay, the System seems sympathetic. There’s more of that these
days, though it’s also unresponsive most of the time. He doesn’t really mind. It’s hard not to blame
it for what happened. Even if…even if Binghe, he…

He tries not to think about that, either.

I don’t know. I don’t really remember my dreams anymore. But he doubts it was good. He woke
like he has every day before this: gasping, uneasy, and with the growing sense he’s forgotten
something terribly important.

His head hurts.

That always happens, too.

[You, uh…you could…rest today, if you’re. Not. Feeling well.]

He had taken a couple days off, after it happened. Long enough for him not to call out for Binghe,
long enough to pack everything down into a box, long enough for him to pretend to be okay. Long
enough for them to replace Binghe with a new cook, too, and long enough for everyone to stop
whispering about him.

At least, in front of Shen Qingqiu, anyway.

After that, Shen Yuan had gotten back to work. He didn’t like work normally and would prefer to
do nothing, but this isn’t normal and throwing himself into the minutiae of business is the only way
he’s found that he can stay distracted from everything. He can’t even read anymore without
thinking of his protagonist.

Or…

Not his. But.

No. I’ll be okay.

[If you’re sure.]

Of course he’s not. He’s not sure if he remembers what being okay feels like anymore, because he
thinks being okay might just be being with Binghe.

But that’s not an option, so he’s…okay enough. He’s managing. He only thinks about hiring
private investigators sometimes, and about the spread of blood on a white shirt less than always.
Binghe should be fine, so he’s fine.

He takes his own shower. He dresses himself, with clothes that don’t match flawlessly but are
comfortable, at least. He opens his door for the breakfast that the new chef sent up—he’d rather
not trouble them, but he can’t go down to the kitchen anymore.

The head of staff had asked him if he wanted a new attendant, now that the old one has gone off to
college. His eyebrows had raised sky-high when he said that last part, and Shen Yuan had felt like
scum which he more or less is, and he’d said he didn’t want anybody. The head of staff hadn’t
asked anything more.

But on his way out, Shen Yuan had paused. He won’t really get any OOC warnings while he’s
away from the protagonist unless he’s particularly egregious, so he asked, “What are an attendant’s
duties, usually?”

The head of staff’s eyebrows had only raised higher, but he answered.

Shen Yuan silently nodded and left.

Binghe had, apparently, been pretty egregiously overstepping. Shen Yuan knew that this was
Binghe’s idea—of course he would never think to ask someone to dress him!—but there’s some
points at which he actually wonders whether he was misremembering, and that he had actually
asked Binghe to do all those things. Because then Binghe really would have an excuse, right? He
would be totally right to look at Shen Yuan like that, like he disgusted him…

But then the System would pipe in and say, [Dude…no. Don’t do that to yourself. I remember
too, he really was the one who brought up that shit.]

So Shen Yuan is just left with the reality. And the reality is that Luo Binghe only ever saw the man
Shen Yuan was pretending to be, and he hated him. He hated him even more than Luo Binghe had
hated the Shen Qingqiu of the novel, in fact.

And since the difference is just Shen Yuan, well. Rounding up, he hates Shen Yuan too.

Which is fine. There’s not much about Shen Yuan to like. He was stupid to think different. What,
he just waltzes into his novel and the protagonist falls all over him and thinks he’s super smart and
cool and wants to be his friend and wants to be with him forever? Stupid. Even people in the real
world, people who are just normal with normal destinies, they don’t like Shen Yuan that much.

The System’s message box pops up, but it doesn’t say anything.

What, do you want to tell me I suck too?

[No…]

You can. I’m being pathetic right now, you can hit me while I’m down.

[You are being pretty pathetic,] the System acknowledges magnanimously. [But mostly I was
going to say you’re sort of an idiot.]

Yep. There it is.

[Not for the reasons you’re thinking though.] The cursor blinks a while, long enough Shen Yuan
is about to look away, before typing out, [You know the plant in your room?]

The one in the corner? Yeah. Has anyone ever told you you’re bad at changing the subject?

[No I’m not. Check it when you’re done working.]

Whatever. His interest is a bit piqued though, inasmuch as he can feel any emotion other than self-
loathing and bitterness these days.

At some point, he has to stop working, when even the employees who habitually work late start to
message him that he should sleep well. He won’t, whether he sleeps or not, but he might as well get
into bed anyway. At least when he’s sleeping he isn’t thinking.

He only remembers the System’s cryptic remark when he sees the plant in the dull light of the
lamp on his nightstand. He doesn’t think about the plant at all, normally—the one who normally
took care of it was…well. The person you’d expect. Not him, at any rate.

Halfheartedly, he pokes at it, then shakes it a little. Nothing happens. He shakes it harder. Nothing
happens. He shakes it even harder. Nothing happens.

He shoves it at the wall.

It topples. Something comes dislodged, and clacks onto the ground.

Shen Yuan pants, a bit out of breath from his rage-induced one-sided plant beatdown, and kneels
down to look at the thing that was in the plant. It’s…a tiny camera?

Pain lances through his head.

[I’ll save you the trouble of guessing who put it there, since I know you’ll probably be
stubborn and go through the entire staff to your dad to me before you give in,] the System
says. [Luo Binghe put it there. They’re all over. Like—ALL over.]

Shen Yuan flinches, looking into the lens. Is—he—looking back right now? Is he sneering at Shen
Qingqiu and his poor temper, so unable to control himself that he takes his anger out on a
defenseless plant?

Is he…wondering at all how Shen Yuan is doing, like Shen Yuan thinks about him…

No. No, he made it pretty clear that he…didn’t care about that.

[So before you launch yourself into another round of meaningless self-hatred, I will also tell
you that he didn’t put them there to, like, gain evidence in his campaign against you, not that
there would be anything to gain other than that you snore like a little kitten.]

Wh—I do not!

[You absolutely do. Don’t get distracted. And he didn’t put them there to hatewatch you like
somebody who still looks at their ex’s WeChat Moments, but like, just to dunk on them while
they eat ice cream.]

That is…very specific.

[Right. Point is. Somebody stays around you all the time, they make excuses to see you naked
and to touch you all the time. They put up cameras in your room and house so they can see
you whenever they want. This person is…]

Shen Yuan doesn’t really want to play the System’s riddle game. Trying to steal business secrets?

[Oh my God, you’re denser than a black hole. Let me put this in terms you can maybe
understand. There is a main character in a romance novel. The ML is always around the
MC, and makes excuses to see them naked and all the other shit I just said. They get mad
when they think the MC is going to leave them. They watch the MC on cameras. They are
NOT BUSINESS COMPETITORS. In this fictional scenario…]

Story analysis Shen Yuan can do, at least. I mean, that’s just your classic, like…yandere stalker
character, right?

[Ding ding ding!]

Shen Yuan scoffs, folding his arms and looking away from the camera. You’re not trying to say
that this is why there are cameras here, are you?

[I am trying and I am succeeding if it fucking kills me. Look. I know you’ve got your whole…
thing.]
My thing.

[You know. In your terms again, you’re the character who doesn’t know she’s beautiful and,
like, maybe you wear glasses or something and when you were younger some side character
was like ‘ha ha only ugly girls wear glasses’ and now you have trauma about it but then the
main character comes along and bumps into you and your glasses fall off and he’s like
‘you’re beautiful’ and you take your glasses and run away because surely YOU’RE not
beautiful because you wear glasses! And then this guy keeps showing up and you’re like, ‘I’m
not going to be one of those girls who does a makeover and wins prom queen—']

I think you’re mixing references here??

[Shut up I’m monologuing. And the guy is like ‘you are beautiful whether you wear glasses or
not, be my girlfriend. And also I’ve been stalking you.’ And then you kiss.]

…What the fuck.

[It is exactly like that!! Except for instead of glasses, it’s, like, that internalized shame about
liking to see people squirm and cry or whatever.]

Shen Yuan stiffens.

[And you’ve decided SO hard that nobody will ever love you, especially not someone you love
back, that you’ve just cut out the possibility entirely. You called yourself a side character and
thought that would keep you safe from other people judging you.]

He thinks he might have preferred it when the System was adversarial for no reason and calling
him out over stupid bullshit and not, like, actually making sense! Genuinely what the fuck!

[Unfortunately, you caught the eye of the strangest main character I’ve ever fucking seen,
and he likes you and he wants to bone you, and I don’t know exactly what that whole song
and dance at the stabbing was about but I think there was probably some sort of plan
involved, because somebody who was that obsessed with you wouldn’t just change his mind
for no reason.] It finishes that last bit all in a rush, then caps it off with a self-satisfied, [So there.]

Shen Yuan slowly turns to look at the camera again, and picks it up off the ground. He
methodically dusts the dirt off it and just holds it. His head hurts so much it feels like it’s going to
explode.

Without answering, he sets the plant to rights, scoops back in as much of the dirt as he can. Then,
chewing on his lips, he shoves the camera back into the depths of the plant and goes to wash his
hands.

[Not going to elaborate on that decision?]

I...don't want him to not be able to see me, if he wants to look. He realizes pretty quickly that
sounds strange, and starts to attempt an explanation, then stops. He shakes his head. The
movement makes him dizzy, and he stumbles.

[Shit. You okay?]

Yeah. Dazedly, he climbs into bed. Maybe I just need some more sleep.
 [Uh. Okay. Maybe I threw too much at you there…]

No. It’s fine. It still isn’t. Thanks for… He can’t finish that sentence either. For trying? For telling
him about the cameras? For making him more confused than ever?

[Yeah…just…get some rest.]

He’d have thought it would be harder, with his head like this. But he ends up just slipping away not
long after he closes his eyes.

Chapter End Notes

everybody do feel free to lampoon the hell out of the absolute champion-class goofus
of a blabbermouth who started out aiming for a respectably short 1.5k word minimum
per chapter and now, mid-way through writing what would turn into the start of the
next chapter and checking the wc to see if i could split it, thought 'hm 2.7k...that's a bit
short though isn't it? it should be at least 4k'. this would also be the same dork-ass
layabout who hit 50k without noticing. will i be able to hit my goal of under 20
chapters either? iiii am not sure at this point, i'm bad at estimating number of chapter
at the best of times (For The Above Elucidated Reasons) but i think this...could
be...either 19 chapters or 20 proper? or more. who the fuck knows. sure isn't me your
humble author the one writing it! but do be accordingly forewarned that this should be
ending, uhhh, soon...ish.

sy isn't reacting very much to things this chapter even though he is being given a
shitload to react to. it is because he is in sadboy mode. actually on that note the last bit
about the cameras is sort of a frankensteined-in reference to my initial plan for shen
yuan to find out about the cameras...i thought the system would tell him, he'd get
really pissed and take all of them out, and then a day or so later put all of them
carefully back where he found them because he didn't want luo binghe to worry about
him if he tried to see sy and couldn't. at that time i didn't plan for lbh to pretend to have
blackened at the stabbening. ultimately as things are rn i thought he'd be too depressed
rn to get angry u_u but i still wanted him to find it and then put it back bc i think that's
very shen yuan of him lol. also since he wasn't careful about positioning it if lbh were
here to see the cameras he'd definitely be getting nothing but leaf and that is also very
shen yuan <3

sy accused the system of mixing his references but i was not explicitly referencing any
one thing lol. the prom queen one i was sort of thinking of 10 things i hate about you
but she didn't win prom queen? other than that i was sort of thinking vaguely about a
few shoujo manga storylines but i don't think any of them actually involve glasses. i
guess there's this one sub-story in beauty pop ANYWAY it's the feeling of the thing.
let's just imagine in their world they have stories like this because it is convenient for
me XD

anyway as mentioned i split this chapter mid-writing so if the ending feels a bit abrupt,
that would be because there was initially a one-line break there that led into a different
scene. but after i finished that scene and thought about how to distribute the content i
have planned for the abyss era, i realized if i had all of that scene in this chapter then i
probably wouldn't be able to fill enough for a full abyss-era chapter 17? so. that's how
it is haha
 Chapter 17
Chapter Notes

cws for this chapter: sy dreams about stabbing lbh again, unreality warning (part of the
chapter takes place in dreams again and initially sy can't remember something inside
the dream either, lbh loses time and his memories as he's on his journey to the god and
at one point forgets his name, lbh's memories are cut off multiple times, sy interacts
with what is essentially a 'recording' of lbh in his memories, the world stops/pauses at
the end for a bit), sy says that his day only starts/matters when he's seeing binghe in
his memories and everything else is just filler which is of course not very healthy, sy
calls lbh a slut again, the usual references to their mutual possessiveness & cameras...i
think that's it but lmk if i'm missing anything!

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Everything is dark, but Shen Yuan isn’t worried. Binghe would let him know if he needed to wake
up. He would turn on the lights if Shen Yuan needed to see…

In the way of dreams, Binghe shows up, smiling. Shen Yuan smiles back. It feels like it’s been too
long since he’s seen him, for some reason. But then—

Binghe’s smile turns cold, and he’s mouthing words Shen Yuan can’t hear, and then Shen Yuan
has the knife in his hand—

“Stop,” Shen Yuan says, small, as the knife edges frame by frame towards Binghe. “Stop!”

He casts about for anything that can help him. At the last moment, he finds a ball of light inside
him, and—vaguely, he remembers sitting down and spooling that light from someone and into
himself—

It’s the only thing he has. He fixates on the light and thinks stop, please, make it stop, make it go
away—

With less than a millimeter to spare, the knife stops, and everything goes black again.

Shen Yuan feels…something. More like himself, maybe. The more he stares at the light, the more
it fills his entire body, and the more he fills himself. On and on, until he’s entirely there, and then
he scowls furiously.

Luo Binghe. That motherfucker.

He didn’t know. He couldn’t have known, right? Binghe was the one leading their dreams, and so
Shen Yuan was only conscious in his dreams when he was there. Which means without him there,
Shen Yuan wasn’t conscious, and without being conscious, Binghe’s restriction on his memories
was in place, which means for weeks he’s been having these stupid fucking nightmares and playing
out the poor grieving heroine 24/7! Binghe couldn’t have known, but why did he even keep the
restriction? He said his mentor was going to do something about the System, and it definitely
seems more personable lately. Right?
He recalls what it said today and flushes. The fuck is it on, anyway? With all its shit about—about
glasses and cameras and—and stuff. Speaking of which, when did Binghe install cameras
everywhere—

His head hurts even more in the dreamspace. He screams, and falls to his knees holding his head.
Why is this happening here? He shouldn’t have anything to remember here—he knows everything,
from the start to the end…

The…

End. The last day. What happened on the last day? He doesn’t remember spending time with
Binghe before he left. (His head pulses. The light inside pulses with it.) He doesn’t remember
Binghe saying goodbye to him. (Another pulse. The light fills him too full, now—it trickles out—)
He doesn’t…remember…saying goodbye to Binghe…

The pulse practically rips his head open, and the light spilling out forms the outline of a door
covered in locks. The locks keep flashing in and out of existence, though, wavering uncertainly.

“Fuck,” Shen Yuan yells, suddenly pissed off. “Either keep me out or don’t!”

The locks tremble a few more times, then wink out entirely.

Shen Yuan drags himself through the door, continuing in the spirit of ‘I guess why the fuck not’.

On the other side, his head is blessedly calm.

It’s just…his room? Yeah. It’s the facsimile of his room that he and Binghe usually hang out in.
There’s another him up on his bed, and Binghe is being sticky like normal, cuddling up with him.

And—kissing him.

Shen Yuan blanches, and the scene stops as all the memories flood back in.

Ah.

Okay. Yes. He remembers everything now. And he remembers that Binghe whispered to him softly
as he woke him up, that he told him he wouldn’t have to think about anything.

Shen Yuan slumps against the floor, looking up at the tableau frozen in time. He looks at Binghe’s
face as he kisses him, the hope and the fondness and the…love.

Fuck. It seems kind of obvious now, with it literally in front of his face like this. And yet Binghe
still let him take things so far, and he didn’t force him to make a decision, and he tried to make
things better for him before he left…

He scrubs at his face and takes a deep breath. Honestly, the idea of Binghe being in love with him
still makes him kind of want to hyperventilate, and the idea of just going ‘oh yeah nah I’m totally
protagonist-love material’ only makes it worse. But he has a lot of free time without Binghe, now.
Probably at least months, maybe even years. He sort of owes it to him to have an answer by the
time he gets back, right?

Shen Yuan tries to think about it directly and stalls almost immediately. Even if Binghe directly
says he loved him, and he was pretty clear about it too, he still just can’t, like…conceptualize it.
The why of it, and everything. He wishes he could, like, go back to the start and recontextualize
everything, see things from Binghe’s eyes, understand why things turned out this way.
As soon as he thinks it, another door shows up.

Shen Yuan’s eyes narrow, but he stands up shakily and makes his way to the door.

There is no way to mark the passage of time as Luo Binghe follows the thread of energy. There is
no indicator of distance, either, or any confirmation that he’s even going the right way or doing the
right thing. He could have been walking for days or weeks or months or longer, and he could be
nearly there or just at the beginning. He could be on his way to the gods or going nowhere at all.
All he has left are his hands on the thread, his plodding steps forward, and his memories of Shen
Yuan.

Put positively, it’s a hypnotic process. Put more accurately, it’s mind-numbing. He thinks of a story
he read once—one of the Greek myths—in which a hero was told he could bring his wife back
from the dead if he never looked back to see her. Did he feel like this? Did he lose time, did his
footsteps echo in his ears, did he long so intensely to see his loved one that he at times wanted to
look back just to see them, even if it was only for a moment?

Luo Binghe hadn’t really understood that story when he first read it. He thought Orpheus was
stupid to look back when he was so close to winning. He thought, if he loved someone that much,
he would do anything to get them back, especially something as simple as just not turning around.

He thinks he understands more now. The only path longer than the one before the finish line is the
one walked without Shen Yuan by his side, and this path is both.

But it’s for Shen Yuan, so he has to keep going.

So he does. He keeps himself occupied by remembering Shen Yuan. At first, he thinks of whole
scenes—times when Shen Yuan was particularly funny, or cute, or infuriating. Eventually, those
start to get fuzzier. He imagines Shen Yuan by him instead—imagines how he’ll react when Luo
Binghe finally returns home with a god in tow to save the day, envisions him by his side cheering
him on, telling him he’s nearly there.

And when it’s hard for him to remember even Shen Yuan’s face, he at least remembers Shen
Yuan’s name, and that he loves him.

Even when he stops remembering that he is Luo Binghe, he remembers that he is a man who loves
Shen Yuan. That’s enough for him. That’s all he ever really wanted to be, anyway, and all he really
is at his core.

The man who loves Shen Yuan doesn’t remember that he talked about this with his mentor, once—
that he asked if anybody had ever tried this.

[at this distance? no way]

[I mean I know someone who tried once. he didn’t get far before he came back]

[you need to be able to anchor yourself to your world. and that anchor needs to be unshakeable]

The man who loves Shen Yuan had wilted a little under the response. The person you knew. His
anchor wasn’t strong enough?

[I don’t know]

[maybe. or maybe he was just scared]

[that guy was always a coward when it counted]

[so don’t be like him]

He didn’t know then or now whether he was a coward. All he knows is that he loves Shen Yuan,
and that he has to keep going forward, even though each step feels heavier than the last.

“Well now,” an amused voice echoes in his head. “What’s this?”

He doesn’t have the energy to look around. He takes another step forward.

“It’s impressive that you can even move,” the voice says, then clucks gently. “But just because it’s
impressive doesn’t mean it’s allowed.”

Things don’t go black. But he doesn’t remember anything after that, at any rate.

Shen Yuan’s day starts when he goes to sleep. For nearly three years, now, it’s been like this.

He does things when he’s awake, sure. He works, though not as obsessively as he did at the start.
He’d gotten over that once he’d figured out how to lift all of Binghe’s restrictions, including the
ones on his memories in the daytime. He eats, he washes himself, he exchanges a few words with
the household staff. He even reads on occasion.

But his dreams are what really matter, because his dreams are when he can see Binghe.

Ever since going through that first door, taking him back to Binghe’s early memories, he spends
each night walking through Binghe’s life. At some point he’d learned how to read thoughts, too—
with some help, of course—and so he watched Binghe, he watched Binghe watch him, and he read
his mind.

Shen Yuan is pretty oblivious. He knows that now. (The System had vented about it to him enough
times.) But even he isn’t oblivious enough to not understand after watching it play out in front of
his eyes. Binghe really does love him.

[You say you understand, and yet you insist on reminding yourself of this every single
fucking day.]

Shen Yuan scowls in his bed. Am I not allowed to be amazed? He’s the protagonist!

[You’re allowed to do whatever you want, I guess. I just wish I didn’t have to hear it. I didn’t
teach you to control energy just to be privy to you swooning all the time.]

That’s true. You taught me to control energy, Shen Yuan shoots back, because you got stuck in a
one-sided contract and now you’re Laoshi’s little bitch.
[…Shut the fuck up.]

Laoshi was Luo Binghe’s mentor, and now they’re the one holding the System’s leash. Shen Yuan
hadn’t known about this from the beginning, but a couple years ago he finally asked why the
System was gone so often and it had enough and started complaining. It was worried it would get
in trouble for spilling the beans, but Laoshi just took that opportunity to give it more orders:
namely, they told it to teach Shen Yuan the basics of energy manipulation.

I still don’t know why they couldn’t teach me themselves.

[I don’t know. Too busy being mysterious, or whatever the fuck. They don’t talk much these
days anyway. What, am I not good enough for you?]

You teach fine. You’re just kind of an asshole.

[Yeah, well, same goes for you, dickhead.]

Shen Yuan rolls his eyes. Whatever. Be quiet now. I’m trying to sleep.

[I literally can’t even make noise!]

Shh.

[I’m going to download a TTS program just to fuck with you. See if I don’t.]

Uh-huh. Shen Yuan closes his eyes.

He falls asleep quickly enough, after that. In the dreamscape, he draws from the energy inside him
to open a door and walks through with practiced ease. On the other end, Binghe is watching Shen
Yuan’s nighttime camera feed. Shen Yuan snuffles and turns to his side on the screen.

So cute, Binghe thinks. I can’t wait until I’m in that bed with him…

It’s not the first time he’s thought either of those things. Binghe’s mind is constantly, outrageously
complimentary towards Shen Yuan. Shen Yuan still doesn’t know that he agrees with him, but
he’s kind of used to it, at least? Though he doesn’t know if he’ll ever get used to the other half of
his thoughts, which are pretty scandalous! If he hadn’t seen it for himself, he’d have never had
realized how shameless Binghe was. Honestly, when he’d called him a slut on their one night
together, he wasn’t wrong!

But it’s okay. All of that is just…Binghe. The Binghe who watches him sleep, the Binghe who
masturbates to him, the Binghe who cooks for him, the Binghe who’s risking his life for him right
now—they’re all his Binghe. It doesn’t make him any different. It’s just another dimension to him.
Ultimately, Shen Yuan just likes that he gets to see more of Binghe than anyone else. He just…
likes. Binghe.

(…No. He’s trying to be better about this shit.

He just loves Binghe.)

In all honesty, Shen Yuan still isn’t completely sure what love means for other people. Normal
love is something he only knows through books and tv dramas—it’s declarations and grand
gestures and a pink haze in the background and flower petals blowing by. It’s too abstract. But
Binghe’s love—the love that is about wanting to be everything to someone else, about not being
able to exist without them, the love that means possession and consumption—
He knows that.

He lives that, ever since meeting Binghe.

So after three years and a ton of thinking and watching Binghe and, admittedly, a lot of fights with
the System, Shen Yuan knows he loves Binghe too.

Shen Yuan lies down behind Binghe. He curls up against him, throws an arm around his waist. He
presses his forehead between Binghe’s shoulder blades, against his fluffy hair, and sighs.

This is why his day only starts now. It starts and ends only when Binghe is there. Everything else
is just filler.

“Come back soon, Binghe,” he whispers into Binghe’s hair. “Come home to me. Okay?”

Binghe doesn’t respond. Of course he doesn’t. This is essentially just a recording. This Binghe
can’t interact with him anymore than the Shen Yuan on his screen could interact with Binghe. He
still pretends that Binghe can hear him, though. That—maybe, somehow, these words reach
through Binghe’s memories to his ears, to remind him there’s someone waiting here for him.

It’s silly, probably. But that and seeing Binghe here is what’s kept Shen Yuan going all this time.
He can’t even imagine what it’s like for Binghe.

He’s nearly out of memories—this one is only a week or two before the stabbing. Time doesn’t
work the same in dreams, so he can cover a lot of ground much faster. He wishes that he had gone
slower with them. But it’s all right. If Binghe still isn’t back when he’s done, Shen Yuan will just
start from the beginning again—and again, and again. As many times as it takes.

He just…hopes it doesn’t take that much, is all.

Shen Yuan kisses the side of Binghe’s neck, then colors. Feelings or no, doing that kind of thing
when Binghe isn’t even around to say he can seems kind of shameless! If the System could see this,
it would mock him so much.

Luckily, though, this world is just for them.

In the memory, Binghe reaches the end of the footage and sighs happily. At this point in time, since
they had been spending their nights together, he’d taken to watching the footage in the evenings
just before going to bed. He relaxes, putting his phone to the side to charge and nestling into his
pillow.

“See you soon, Master,” he whispers.

“Yeah,” Shen Yuan responds quietly. “See you soon.”

The memory’s Shen Yuan will see his Binghe soon, though he won’t appreciate fully how lucky he
is for it. But this Shen Yuan will just have to keep waiting.

Luo Binghe’s consciousness comes back to him as though tearing through layers of cobwebs. He
doesn’t feel like he was sleeping so much as an entire section of his memory was just neatly
excised. It’s a bit distressing.

“Hello again,” the voice from earlier says cheerfully—not inside his head this time, but from just in
front of him. Luo Binghe realizes suddenly that he’s sat at a mahjong table. The person who spoke
is across from him, and there are two others on either side. They’re looking thoughtfully over their
tiles and occasionally peeking at him.

“I took the liberty of strengthening your connection to your body,” the person across from him
continues. “You weren’t in the best state.”

Luo Binghe looks, habitually, first to the side of their face. Their eyes curve up, and they lean their
chin on their palm. “That won’t work on me.”

He pauses, and puts the pieces together.

“Would you perhaps be the god that created the Main System?”

They purse their lips. “So you were trying to find me.”

“I was,” Luo Binghe confirms, looking now straight into their eyes. He keeps his expression
otherwise blank. “My apologies for the intrusion.”

“You’re not sorry,” they say with a laugh, relaxing back into their chair. “If you were sorry, you
wouldn’t have come. I know I’m not easy to find.”

Luo Binghe shrugs. “Then I’m not sorry, no.” He pauses, seeing one of the people to his side scoff
silently. He needs to be careful here.

The remaining person huffs more loudly, and crosses his arms. “You shouldn’t even have been
able to get here at all,” he grumbles. “Even the people from primary worlds have never found us.
So how about you explain—”

“Now, now,” the god in front of him says mildly. “We can get into all that later.” Their eyes glint
behind their smile. “After all, I would love to hear more about why your energy feels like mine.”

Luo Binghe’s eyes widen fractionally. What? What the hell is that supposed to mean?

They observe him carefully a few moments. The edge in their expression dissipates. “But first, you
must have come here for a reason. How about this?” They gesture at the mahjong table. “A game.
If you win, I’ll hear you out. If I win, you tell me what I want to know.”

The person on Luo Binghe’s left snorts. “And if we win?”

“Thousands of years, and you’ve never won once,” they say sweetly. “If you win, the universe
explodes.”

She scowls. “Fuck off.”

Their attention turns back to Luo Binghe. “So?”

Luo Binghe thinks of Shen Yuan. He has to try, if nothing else—and it’s not as though he has
anything to hide, anyway. “Sure.”

“Excellent. Well, then.”

Luo Binghe hasn’t played mahjong too often, but he doesn’t find it very difficult, either. The god in
front is right—the two on either side really aren’t very good. So it’s just the creator god against
Luo Binghe, and Luo Binghe gives it his all, as he does with everything that has to do with Shen
Yuan.

“Interesting,” they say when everything is finished, finger tapping against the table as they
examine it with interest. “I suppose you are a child of fate, in the end. Though your lesser world
shouldn’t have the energy to win out against me, still, but with the amount of energy you have…
though you don’t exactly have it all, either? Intriguing.”

Luo Binghe doesn’t really get what they’re mumbling about, and he doesn’t particularly care
either. He won, which means the god has to listen to him.

“Right,” they murmur. “Maybe…” Their finger taps a few more times, then they snap and the two
people from either side vanish. “Hm. Anyway. A deal’s a deal. What do you want to tell me?”

Luo Binghe leans back. “The Main System has gone rogue. It’s attempting to become a god, and
after it does, it’s going to take transmigrators from the primary systems and use them to possess all
the characters in the lesser worlds so that it has perfect control over every story.”

He waits for their response. They twirl a finger in the air, twisting it as though it’s wrapping around
something, then tug on it once.

“Ah,” they say.

Luo Binghe tries to keep calm. “Ah?”

“That makes some things make sense,” they say. “Good to know.”

Luo Binghe tries to keep calm some more, less successfully this time. “Good to know,” he repeats
dangerously. “It’s basically going to destroy the world. Everything you created.”

“That would be unfortunate,” they say, nodding.

Luo Binghe’s nostrils flare.

“Were you hoping for something more?” Their head tilts. “You, what—wanted me to come in,
guns blazing, pull some kill switch for you or something?”

“I was certainly hoping you would help in some way,” Luo Binghe says through gritted teeth, even
as his heart falls to his feet. This was their only plan—their only hope! This was his only chance to
save Shen Yuan. He’d thought the god might be hard to convince, but he’d never thought they just
wouldn’t care.

“Well.” They laugh, clear and ringing. “If that’s all you wanted, I think I already did.”

“What does that mean?” Luo Binghe asks, shooting to his feet, but they’re just tugging in the air
again. “Hey!”

“I’ll help out one more time, too,” they say with a little wave in his direction. “Save you the return
trip.”

Luo Binghe feels something tugging inside him, stretching like a rubber band. “But—”

“Oh, and child of fate?” They glance back at him. Their eyes are deep, dark, fathomless, ancient as
the beginning of time. “Don’t come back.”
 With that, Luo Binghe’s mind fuzzes out around the edges again, and he feels that tugging release
all at once, and then—

When next he tears his way through the cobwebs, he’s gasping for breath in the discreet medical
facility in which he had started.

“He’s awake,” someone shouts, pressing a button. Staff come rushing in, and he lets them examine
him, but he feels completely numb.

He had failed.

He only had one job, and he failed, and now Shen Yuan is going to die.

Shen Yuan is paging idly through a spreadsheet when his ears pop. There’s a distant ding, then a
sound like rushing air.

He looks around, trying to find which window is open, and failing that decides it must have been in
a different room or something. Or that’s what he thinks, until the room whites out around him, and
everything pauses—his hands perched above the keyboard, the bird swooping around outside, his
heart.

[Oh shit,] the System says. [Shen Yuan, shields up.]

Shen Yuan does, the movement of energy familiar by now, and doesn’t ask any more questions.
And it’s for the best he does, because next, a little floating box—sort of like a television with a
pixel face—winks into existence and bobs around the room, taking everything in.

“Hello!” it chirps in a cheerful automated voice. “This is MSE-12, at your service! I’ve taken the
liberty of beginning debug mode for you!”

[You finally show up and that’s all you have to say?] the System types after a few moments. [I
sent so many reports. Were you guys ignoring me?]

“Oh, LSO-1932113, you kidder,” MSE-12 sings. Its face turns into a laughing emoji briefly before
going back to its default smile. “We weren’t ignoring you! It just took a while to find you!” It
comes closer to Shen Yuan, peering curiously at him, before facing the System’s box again. “After
all, it would be difficult enough if this world was just sent back in time. But it was also detached
from the stream entirely!”

The System doesn’t say anything for a while. When it does, it’s just, [We were what?]

“Haha! I know, right! Boy, it was a real head-scratcher!! But don’t worry.” The smile on its face
stretches wider. It winks. “The Main System is here now, and we’ll get everything back the way it
should be!”

Chapter End Notes

the main system is back online, and it comes bearing a plot twist! i will get more into
it next chapter (i think? i'm still working out the order of things a bit, but should be)
but the fact that time shenanigans are involved here is something i have been trying to
add the occasional vague reference to. it's been hard to try to make those references
enough so that people wouldn't think it was just dropped in out of nowhere but not
enough that people would guess ahead of time! (i had a dream a few nights back that
somebody guessed in a comment and was like 'lol it was really obvious that it was like
this but good try' and i was so sad XD)

speaking of the main system--the MSE in MSE-12 stands for 'main system emissary'
and the 12 means nothing at all lol. i wanted it to be not too low and not too high is all,
since i figure there aren't too many of these MSEs! LSO stands for 'lesser system
operative' and 1932113 is just SCUM but the number of each letter of the alphabet. 19-
3-21-13, that is. (this is a reference to scum villain and not a value judgment lol) i
experimented a little bit with how to make MSE's voice--it was bold too for a bit for
example but then it just looked like SO much bold text at the end :/ and putting the
square brackets in didn't really make sense because it's speaking! anyway my
compromise is that it uses a fuckload of exclamation points lol so hopefully it's
recognizable enough

ah probably i should have mentioned this...well...much earlier than basically near the
end of the fic lol! but i figured i'd say why i do all those long cws at the beginning of
each chapter even though they're spoilers. without getting into too much detail, as
someone who has some very specific triggers that often go untagged and who has had
some pretty major anxiety attacks as a result, basically i decided at the end that having
the chapter spoiled mattered less to me than somebody not accidentally stepping into
something that could set them off. i know that for some folks, the chapter-spoiling
will matter more to them =v=;; but i didn't want to risk people not seeing cws by
putting them at the bottom and i hope that if you don't want to see them they're pretty
easy to skip! nonetheless, apologies to those who are bothered by it u_u

anyway iiiii HOPE i will be able to get the next chapter out in a fairly timely manner
but if i don't it is probably because i am really not doing terribly well at the moment!
this medicine is absolutely kicking my ass. luckily i already had part of this chapter
written from before the split, and a bit more from before things got even worse than
they had been, but =v= it was somethin' to try to concentrate hard enough to write the
rest. anyway if i do need a bit more time i will edit the endnotes of this chapter to let
everyone know!
 Chapter 18
Chapter Notes

less-spoilery cws for this chapter: the system talks blithely about how it's going to die,
lbh guilts himself a lot for not having succeeded in getting the god to help them,
medical mention, lbh leaves the hospital against medical advice

more-spoilery and also more intense cws for this chapter: unreality warning (most
of the chapter is the story of a past-future lbh who turned back time), past sy/sqq was
framed and accused of sexual harassment and murder among other things, past sy/sqq
also had to stab lbh, even after this past lbh still was somewhat obsessive and stalked
sy/sqq some, past lbh had past sy/sqq tortured and then stabbed him, blood mention,
past major character death (past sy dies, highly implied that past lbh died), past lbh
held sy's dead body for a long time, lots of guilt, lbh kills everyone who framed sy, lbh
basically purposely destroys the world (economically, but he's states that he's also
willing to kill everyone if that's what it takes), past lbh punishes himself by not
allowing the program he sent back to talk to sy, past lbh sort of wants to die so his soul
can be with sy's, past lbh talks to present lbh a little about his depression without sy
and says he'll do anything to save sy (including, paradoxically, sacrificing him)

See the end of the chapter for more notes

[Oh,] the System types weakly. [Yay.]

“Yay indeed!” MSE-12 spins in a circle. “All right, then. I’m off to the world’s core to access its
data logs, and then I have…” For the briefest moment, its face goes irritated, before flashing back
to normal. “A wholeeee lot of reports to go through! How lucky we are to have such a dedicated
employee!”

[Dedicated. That’s me,] the System says, and contemplates whether it is possible to hide
somewhere somehow.

“Glad to hear it! Especially since everyone else was saying you’re just an asshole!”

The System pauses. [Wait, who—]

“Never mind that!! You just keep on doing a wonderful job here like you have been. This. Whole.
Time.”

The pause is even longer now. When the System types again, it’s just a tiny, [Mmhm.]

“Excellent! I’ll be back soon, then! Don’t go anywhere!” It flashes a heart on its screen, then
vanishes.

The world resumes around them, but Shen Yuan stays frozen.

[So…like…] The System, with smaller text in an attempt at whispering, says, [I’m definitely
dead, right?]
Shen Yuan doesn’t respond.

[Like. It hates me. It definitely hates me. I’m not imagining that. It definitely thinks I’m
terrible at my job and I’m definitely going to die.]

You’re not really making me feel any better about this?? Shen Yuan finally shoots back, glaring at
the System.

[Who the fuck is trying to make you feel better? I’m wallowing in the face of my impending
doom!]

Shen Yuan groans and collapses on his desk. Fuck. And Luo Binghe isn’t back yet, either…I
thought Laoshi said we had a bit more time.

[They did. Laoshi is full of shit,] it says morosely, then goes silent a moment, rectangle swaying
in the air. [Wait. Hang on. Laoshi’s sending me a data packet.]

What is it, a gif of someone flipping you off?

It isn’t.

It’s a bundle of energy, a piece of code, and…someone’s life story.

...

A long time ago, many years in the future, there was a man who made a series of mistakes from
which he would never recover. He loved someone, but not well enough for him not to listen to the
wrong people. In the end, he killed that person with his own hands, and lived the rest of his very,
very long life regretting it.

That man, of course, was Luo Binghe.

Luo Binghe had always believed in higher powers. None of them had answered him yet, but he just
had to wait a little longer! Eventually, someone, something, would help him and his foster mother.
One of these jobs would turn out for them. It had to.

And maybe the one that would turn out was going to be the new job at the Shen house!

He kept hoping for that. He really did. Until the young master of the Shen family, Shen Qingqiu,
yelled at him for accidentally knocking over a vase. He told him he needed to repay the cost by
working for him, and Luo Binghe didn’t want to bother his foster mother, so he agreed.

Working for Shen Qingqiu was…strange. He said mean things all the time, and he pushed Luo
Binghe around now and then, but never in a way that actually really hurt. Plus, Shen Qingqiu kept
giving him things? Lessons, and then attendance at school. School supplies, a new phone, a new
computer. New clothes. He said it was to maintain the honor of the Shen family, but…Luo Binghe
thought sometimes maybe Shen Qingqiu was just shy, or something. He just was never really
sure…

Years passed, and Shen Qingqiu kept Luo Binghe around all that time. Maybe he was shy after all,
or maybe he thought of it like keeping a family pet, but Luo Binghe thought Shen Qingqiu felt
something for him other than the disdain he put on. He even hugged him when Luo Binghe’s foster
mother died! That counted for something, right?

Right?
But maybe it was just wishful thinking. Maybe Luo Binghe just wanted Shen Qingqiu to care about
him. Because—as unwise as he knew it was, as much as it hurt, Luo Binghe had fallen in love with
Shen Qingqiu. Or with the slightly awkward man he thought he saw underneath, at least. And he
yearned desperately for acknowledgement, for evidence that he wasn’t just making things up all on
his own.

He didn’t find it. Instead, some people found him, and gave him an evidence of an entirely
different kind. Shen Qingqiu was an evil man, they told him. He embezzled from the company, he
mistreated workers, he sexually harassed servants, he did shady deals on the side, he took down
competitors dishonestly. He had even murdered a man when he was younger.

Luo Binghe didn’t want to believe it. It didn’t match up with the man he thought he saw at all. But
they had proof, and it wasn’t like he was around Shen Qingqiu all the time.

He had paused over a receipt showing that Shen Qingqiu frequented the services of prostitutes. His
fingers brushed over the words.

Shen Qingqiu didn’t care about him at all, it seemed. At least, not like he wanted.

But he still had some hope left. He had confronted Shen Qingqiu in his study. He told him he was
leaving for college elsewhere, all while hoping desperately that Shen Qingqiu’s expression would
change, even a little. That he would tell him he wanted him here. That he would say he needed him
to stay.

He did, but not like Luo Binghe wanted. He just said he hadn’t finished paying off his debt, yet.

So Luo Binghe brought out his final weapon. He told him he would blackmail him over his many
misdeeds if he didn’t let him go.

It was the first time his expression changed. His eyes widened when he looked down at the papers
in Luo Binghe’s hands, but he didn’t seem like he didn’t recognize the contents, just like he was
surprised Luo Binghe had obtained them. And even still! Even still, Luo Binghe hoped!

All of that hope died when Shen Qingqiu stabbed him. And if he heard Shen Qingqiu apologizing
as he passed out…well.

That must have been more of his imagination.

From then on, his love turned to hate. He hated that Shen Qingqiu had made such a fool out of
him. He’d acted as his dog for years! How Shen Qingqiu must have laughed about it to himself in
private! He hired detectives to take pictures of the man, and every time they returned a picture of
Shen Qingqiu smiling, he crumpled the picture in his hands.

So that’s how it was. So that’s how much happier Shen Qingqiu was, thinking Luo Binghe was
gone.

Luo Binghe built and consolidated his business. He became powerful enough that Shen Qingqiu
was nothing under his heels. He destroyed the Shen family, and he captured Shen Qingqiu. He had
others torture him until he thought Shen Qingqiu would finally be ready to confess his manifold
sins.

But when he saw Shen Qingqiu, wasting away, pale and covered in blood, Shen Qingqiu smiled.
There was a wildness to his eyes that Luo Binghe didn’t recognize and didn’t like the look of.

“It’s all useless,” he said. “There’s no point.”

Luo Binghe thought he was making some meaningless last stand against him, and said as much.

“No. You don’t get it. There’s no…” He cried, then, like he never had for Luo Binghe. He’d
thought maybe he just wasn’t capable, but apparently he just never cared enough for him. “There’s
no point to it. It’s all a lie.”

Luo Binghe became furious all over again. He charged up to him and stabbed him. At least, he
vaguely remembers thinking, at least this way Shen Qingqiu will look at him.

He did. He smiled at him, softly, and said, “Binghe.”

And then he told him everything.

He told him that he was a transmigrator named Shen Yuan, playing the part of a villain called Shen
Qingqiu. He told him that he was just trying to save his family. He told him that the System that
brought him here had lied when it said he could do it. He told him that he had given all his points
to try to revive them, and it hadn’t done a damn fucking thing. “Luo Binghe,” he told him, “I
always loved…you…”And then he died in Luo Binghe’s arms.

Luo Binghe sat there.

He sat there, long after Shen Qingqiu—Shen Yuan—had gone cold, long after the blood had
soaked into his designer clothes to the extent that they were beyond repair. He sat there the whole
night, and whenever his employees asked him if he wanted to leave, he sent them away.

He didn’t cry. (Not that night, anyway.) How could he deserve to cry, when he was the one who
had killed Shen Yuan? The man he—yes. The man he loved. The one who was under there all
along, but who wasn’t allowed to show it. The one who risked everything to give him a single hug
when his foster mother died…the man who loved him back…

What had he done for him in return? Nothing. Worse than nothing. He’d destroyed him, and he’d
killed him.

Luo Binghe rose silently the next morning. He ordered his secretary to give the most lavish funeral
possible for Shen Qingqiu, and changed his clothes.

He finally did what he should have done years ago, and looked in-depth into the veracity of those
people’s claims about Shen Qingqiu.

Fabricated. Every one of them. Every single one of those people had something to gain by gaining
Luo Binghe’s trust—Luo Binghe, the rising young businessman, the guard dog by the Shen
bastard’s side.

He kills all of them personally. He makes sure it hurts. It doesn’t really make him feel better.

Then, he runs his business into the ground. His business is big enough by this point that its loss
tanks China’s economy, and everything else starts to fall after that.

“System,” he shrieks into the air, in the middle of the streets amidst the riots. Nobody even pays
attention to him. “Make me a transmigrator or I will burn this entire world to the ground.”

He will. Non-figuratively. He’ll kill every single person here if that’s what it takes to get it to
listen to him.

Luckily, it doesn’t take that much. The world goes white, then freezes, and a television screen with
a pixelated face pops up before him.

“This is highly irregular,” it says disapprovingly. “We’ve never had a transmigrator from a lesser
world before.”

“Try it,” Luo Binghe says. “I’ll be the best damn employee you’ve ever had.”

It bobbed around thoughtfully for a while, binary running across its face, before responding. “Main
System says it’s okay as long as you give it the energy from this world. This place is done for
anyway.”

“Fine.” It’s not his energy anyway.

“What’s your wish?”

He smiles. “I’ll tell you later. But you can definitely make it happen.”

And so Luo Binghe became a transmigrator. And he did as he promised: he became the best damn
one they had. He went through world after world after world—tens, then hundreds, then thousands.
He upgraded from low-grade worlds like his own to mid-grade and then high-grade worlds. High-
grade worlds offered him another building block in his plan: they taught him how to manipulate
energy, to use it to walk through dreams, to compel others and wipe their memories and read their
minds.

If only he had this earlier, he thinks to himself, and his plan takes root.

In some of these high-grade worlds, he also meets other transmigrators. One in particular, Shang
Qinghua, is kind of incompetent on his own (though he’s adept at surviving regardless) but he has
a System, who he calls Mobei-jun, whose tongue is oddly loose around his transmigrator. Shang
Qinghua isn’t talkative at first, but when he realizes Luo Binghe is the protagonist of the novel he
wrote when he was still in his primary world, he’s more easily persuaded.

In dreams, Shang Qinghua tells Luo Binghe about the Main System—about its origins, about its
plans. About its weaknesses.

Luo Binghe silently adds the new information into his plan and gets to work.

At first, he thinks to try following the Main System’s creator god’s energy to its source and tell
them about what’s happening. But he doesn’t get too far before the thought strikes him that if he
loses his anchor here—if he loses Shen Yuan entirely—he really will have nothing else.

He goes back, cowed and defeated. A coward.

He keeps going through worlds, keeps building his energy—hidden away from the Main System,
though he worries it will realize soon enough. He knows it’s nowhere near enough. Time travel is
the realm of the gods, and ultimately he is still very, very human. In the meantime, though, he
works on elements of his plan. He builds a program, an auto-responder of sorts, to mentor himself
in the past. It can only respond to certain very direct questions, but it should be enough. He also
packages some of his energy inside, and his ability to read minds. Eventually he’ll be able to send
this back. Eventually…

On another world with Shang Qinghua, Shang Qinghua brings him into a dream on the last night.
He’s clearly anxious, but he still says, “Mobei-jun told me something. I…wasn’t sure if I should
tell you.”
“Tell me what?”

“There’s another way to kill the System.”

Luo Binghe sits up straight, eyes blazing. “There’s what?”

“See, this is why I didn’t want to tell you! Fuck. Look. You can’t just rush into this, okay? It’s
dangerous. And you need a System, one of the LSOs—” Which is something Luo Binghe doesn’t
have; they’d tried to assign him a few near the beginning and he’d chased all of them off out of
anger— “And no, I am NOT letting Mobei-jun do it. And I’m not telling you unless you promise
you’ll only do it if he stays safe.”

Luo Binghe narrows his eyes. “You care more about that AI than your freedom?”

“Yes,” Shang Qinghua says stubbornly, even as he trembles at the look on Luo Binghe’s face. “So
—so you have to promise. Okay?”

He promises.

Another building block falls into place. He adds what Shang Qinghua told him into his program
after tinkering with it a bit. He builds energy and waits.

His opportunity comes, finally, at the hands of the higher he had already given up on long ago.

There’s some sort of showdown. He hears about it through Shang Qinghua, like usual. Apparently,
the Main System’s creator god comes to confront it. When it determined harvesting energy from
the lesser worlds was too inefficient, it had siphoned energy from the creator god as well. By this
point, the creator god was nothing more than a shadow of their former self—barely a god at all.
The Main System had fought them and won, but the creator god got away.

They found Luo Binghe.

“You tried to visit me, once,” they say abruptly from behind him.

Luo Binghe whirls around, taking in their sorry state and inferring their identity. “Yes.”

“Were you going to tell me about this?”

Luo Binghe considers. It certainly was nothing so altruistic as that.

“You wanted my help,” they guess. “For freedom?” They study him as he gazes at them calmly.
“Revenge, then.”

“What does it matter now?”

“I’m sorry,” they say. He thinks, at the time, that they’re apologizing for not knowing. He doesn’t
realize until later, when the Main System finds him, that they’re apologizing for dumping the
majority of their remaining energy on him so that they can get away without the Main System
sucking them dry completely.

But it doesn’t matter. Energy flows into him—more than he could ever have built on his own.

The energy calls to him. It tells him he could be a god. It tells him they could do wonderful things
together.

He tells it he’s only ever wanted one thing.

He pours all of the energy into rewinding time, back to the very beginning. He attaches his
program and any of the remaining energy as a gift for his past self. He’ll need it in order to read
Shen Yuan’s mind, and to share with his love. He also ensures that this version of time will be cut
off from the Main System for as long as it takes to get everything in his plan sorted, and that to it
the timeline will only look like it’s been reversed a few years.

His last command to the program is that it can’t interact directly with Shen Yuan. It’s basically
him, a fragment of his mind, and he doesn’t deserve that happiness. He’ll leave it all for the Luo
Binghe who hasn’t yet done the unforgivable.

Even before he finds out about the creator god’s motivations, he knows that the Main System will
find him. That was too big a burst of energy not to be noticed. And he knows that when it does, it
will get rid of him.

He doesn’t care. Perhaps, when it dissipates his soul, the fragments of his being will find Shen
Yuan’s someday. Perhaps, even if he doesn’t deserve it, they can be together once more like that—
two clusters of stardust, becoming one as they never could in life.

It may be silly. Statistically unlikely, almost certainly. But it’s the only hope he’s had left in him all
this time.

He closes his eyes, sits down with the phantom weight in his arms, and waits one last time.

...

[if you’re getting this message, my program is at the end of its code,] the familiar red message box
pops up. [you should know what to do with the rest. there are only two orders left in our contract:
one, follow your instructions.]

[two…keep him safe for me, okay?]

The System shakes off the vestiges of the encoded memory, looks over the instructions and the
code. It considers everything for a while.

Then, it explodes. [Oh what the FUCK. Are you fucking kidding me?!!? That little brat.]

??? Shen Yuan thinks at him.

The System isn’t done yet, though. It feels over-full from a lifetime supply’s worth of premium
dogfood, and it’s pissed about being forced into their little melodrama twice over, and also those
instructions means it’s going to die for sure, but worse is—

[I am never forgiving your goddamned boyfriend.]

Binghe’s not my boyfriend, Shen Yuan thinks reflexively, then, shyly, I mean…well…wait! That’s
not important! What did Binghe do?

[What did he do? What did he do?!]

…Yeah, that would be the question I asked.

[Oh, I’ll TELL you what he did. Your pipsqueak bastard tricked me into calling him fucking
Laoshi!!]
 …

The pipsqueak bastard and maybe-boyfriend himself—albeit one from a more current timeline—is,
at this moment, on a flight back to China. The doctor had protested. Luo Binghe may not have been
sick, but he had still been in something akin to a coma for three years. The staff assigned to him did
what they could to avoid muscle atrophy and things of that nature, but there was only so much they
could do. Luo Binghe really should still be in the care of a medical professional, they told him, and
they had been right.

But he ignored all of their advice and released himself. Circulating energy through his body should
help with some of it. The rest…well, the rest just didn’t matter as much as getting back to Shen
Yuan.

He had been thinking this whole time about what he could say to Shen Yuan when he got there. At
some point, early on his ‘walk’ to the creator god, he had envisioned proclamations of love. Now,
he's just wondering how to tell Shen Yuan that he failed, and that he couldn’t stop the Main System
from destroying his soul.

Luo Binghe has never felt so incapable as he does at this moment. He always said things were fine,
and that he had them under control, and now he can’t even muster the control requisite to keep
from crying. Pathetic. He’s pathetic.

If all he can do now is fight to the end, he’ll do it, but what can he even do? He’s less than an ant
against the Main System. He’s nothing. And there’s nothing he can do that will match the enormity
of the sin that is taking Shen Yuan from the world. Can he outsmart it somehow? Does it have a
dreamspace he can enter? Would there even be a point?

[good god kid I knew you would be doing this but like…come on]

He looks up, surprised. Laoshi!

[yeah hey]

[so look]

[I haven’t been entirely honest with you. about a lot of things actually. you can ask the System
about most of it later]

[but one of the things I wasn’t honest about]

[was that I was pretty sure that god fucker wouldn’t do shit]

Luo Binghe’s lips part slightly. His brows furrow. what?

[yeah I already knew they were kind of an asshole]

[tbh there’s no way they would do anything if there was a risk it would fuck them over]

[dipshit]

Luo Binghe’s eyes start to narrow further. so why would you make me go, then?

[well for one thing I’d have rather been proven wrong]
[maybe they would feel like playing a hero who knows]

[it would definitely be less dangerous]

[but uh]

[also frankly I needed you out of the way. thought you’d be gone longer actually]

Luo Binghe’s expression is downright murderous now. The fuck does that mean?

[for the last however long, I’ve been training the System to do…something. something that will
help. (…probably)]

[at least it’s the last chance you guys have for anything helping]

[best I could do]

[anyway]

[if it doesn’t work, your whole world gets zapped out of existence]

Luo Binghe grips the armrests. Why are you starting with that like that’s the best case scenario?

Laoshi continues blithely on. [but even if it does work.]

[to make it happen he’s going to have to do something too]

…He?

Luo Binghe’s heart freezes over. “Shen Yuan,” he whispers out loud.

[I figured if you knew about it you’d go apeshit]

[because it’s one thing if the Main System kills him. but if there’s a chance he dies trying to help
you, you wouldn’t let it happen]

I’m going to kill you, Luo Binghe thinks, enraged. If even a hair on his head…

[I know you must be fucking pissed right now]

[and that’s fair]

[you can be pissed]

[just know that]

[there’s no way I would do this if I didn’t have to. everything I did was so that he could live
happily.]

[but]

[millions of years and this is the one loophole I’ve found. at this point, it can only be him.]

[it’s just like everything else for us. it can always only ever be him]

[and you don’t know what it’s like to lose him]

 [which means you think maybe somehow you can make things work still. at least you could get
revenge. you’re thinking that now]

[but without him, nothing ever works again.]

[you don’t know. and so you don’t know what it’s like to do anything, even the things you hate, if it
means he has the smallest chance of surviving this]

[but I do]

[so I’ll take the blame for this, but I’ll do it. don’t stop him]

[please]

The red message box quietly pops out of existence after that, while Luo Binghe stares at the air
where it was, thoughts churning. His fists shake by his sides.

There’s too much to process in that. There’s Shen Yuan in danger, there’s not being able to do
anything about it. There’s the fact that, if he’s not mistaken, that was some other Luo Binghe
talking just now.

He can’t deal with that. So his mind fixates on the simplest thing.

He made me call him Laoshi, he thinks, dazed and indignant, before he knocks his head back on
the headrest with a laugh so breathy it's indistinguishable from a sob.

I guess, in that situation, I would too.

…Fuck.

Chapter End Notes

whew! i thought this might take a while but i'm feeling much better today compared to
yesterday so i wrote a bunch! anyway here's the whole of the Big Twist that i've been
sitting on. i'm tellin' ya i was so paranoid about this getting out. like...there's a part
where i say that 'laoshi's' message box is a different color than the system's, and i was
going to straight out say it was red, but then i was like. oh god! they'll know! and i was
gonna have a longer conversation when laoshi was making the contract with the
system where the system was like 'what should i call you then' and he wasn't going to
answer directly but then i was like 'they'll see i'm being evasive! they'll know!' hell i
even did 'they' bc 'he uses he/him pronouns! they'll know--' bows. your goof-ass author
everyone

i made myself sad writing the end of the past!lbh segment honestly ;A; but his soul
definitely finds sy somehow, statistical probability be damned, and the parts of them
are eventually recycled into new souls that fall in love and have angst-free lives. a few
important facts about this past life: 1) lbh didn't ACTUALLY kill sy, or at least he
would've died anyway. the main system was already in the process of killing him for
revealing himself. 2) sy wasn't actually saying 'i always loved you' when he died. he
was saying 'i loved your character' but he got cut off via dying. sorry binghe 3) i know
nothing about numbers we are shhing about the practicality of a business ruining the
economy so bad the world gets perma-destroyed (yes this is a fact) 4) SQH was
transmigrated around the same time as SY but to a different world. he and mbj are in
love. like our system is a villain system, mbj is a cannon fodder system btw! 5) we are
also shhing about the feasibility of writing a program that can predict so many
questions and respond to them but fwiw this is canonically why laoshi didn't talk
much, only answered questions about the system, energy, and the plan, and didn't
answer any personal questions. also you'll note in a few places (this chapter most of
all, but also when he's making the contract with the system for example) it repeats
things and doesn't really respond directly to what people are saying. 6) he did not
make anyone call him laoshi. lbh started it and the system just figured it would use the
same thing lbh did since he didn't offer any other options

if anyone is curious the few references that i kept in (they really are incredibly oblique
tho lol):
in ch11 "But if they’re already dead, their soul has already dispersed. That would
require reversing time to fix. It’s not impossible, but it’s messy, and transmigrators
would have to work for a very long time indeed to collect the points for it."
in ch12 "Plus. One thing had become clear very quickly was that his mentor hated the
Main System more than anything else—fervently, deeply, as entrenched in their rage
as Luo Binghe is in his love for Shen Yuan", laoshi saying "[if this doesn’t work
nothing will, and then you lose everything]", at the end of the chapter lbh not being
sure whether him or sy is having the dream about stabbing sy and him shattering into a
million pieces
in ch13 “The Main System being away for now. My mentor told me that already.” He
taps his thigh. “The part about nothing else being there they didn’t say in so many
words, but they did say this world had been separated somehow…”
in ch16 "They did talk about all of this, of course. At some point during their planning,
his mentor had popped up to point out that the canon story was presently lacking
plausibility. Shen Qingqiu was supposed to have done terrible things that Luo Binghe
could threaten to blackmail him over, but Shen Yuan honestly really didn’t do much
other than vaguely bully Luo Binghe."
in ch17 "[I mean I know someone who tried once. he didn’t get far before he came
back] [you need to be able to anchor yourself to your world. and that anchor needs to
be unshakeable] The man who loves Shen Yuan had wilted a little under the response.
The person you knew. His anchor wasn’t strong enough? [I don’t know] [maybe. or
maybe he was just scared] [that guy was always a coward when it counted] [so don’t
be like him]]" and of course “I was certainly hoping you would help in some
way,”...“Well.” They laugh, clear and ringing. “If that’s all you wanted, I think I
already did.”

sorry for this long a/n and thank you for stickin' with me to this point! i thinkkkk this
will probably be around 2-3 chapters more? depends on whether i combine the Chapter
Of Pornography and the epilogue or whatever i guess, but something like that
 Chapter 19
Chapter Notes

cws for this chapter: laoshi uses current binghe to guilt sy into agreeing to an
ostensibly dangerous plan, mse-12 calls lbh and sy freaks and perverts (for their yan
shit) and tells sy he ruins everything which makes sy feel bad, mse-12 threatens to kill
sy, unreality warning (sy thinks all of this doesn't feel real still, then thinks if it turns
out to be a dream that would be ok). i can't think of anything else for this one, let me
know if i've missed anything!

See the end of the chapter for more notes

[So I don’t know if you realize it,] the System had shown up out of nowhere one day to announce,
[But we’re all doomed.]

Noted, Shen Yuan responded with the aplomb of someone who had never really cared all that
much about what the System had to say. Like, in the philosophical sense—

[God, you petty bitch, that was once—]

—Or, like, did I forget about the secret PDCIW ending with the meteor?

[Ha fucking ha. How about you forgot about the very nonsecret ending ‘the Main System
would love nothing more than to barbecue our asses’.]

…I thought that’s why Binghe was gone.

[Yeah, me too actually! And yet!! I guess this is the backup plan or something? Anyway, so,
Laoshi’s been having me do all this cryptic maze shit for months, and I was like ‘thank you
for this fun mental exercise but like what the fuck’, and today they finally decided to inform
me that it was less a fun mental exercise and more ‘the literal fucking directions to the Main
System’s server hub’.]

Ooh.

[And of course I’m like wow that sounds like information that could definitely get me killed,
would sure suck to be the one going there! And they’re like ‘yeah so you’re going’. And I’m
like. I am definitely not. And they’re like whoops, yes you are, contract! And I swore at them
for a while and they didn’t respond because they fucking suck, and then I’m like, okay what’s
the plan other than I go there to serve myself up on a platter, and they—fucking—]

The message box was literally shaking. Shen Yuan didn’t think he’d ever seen the System so
angry, and he’d pissed it off a lot in his time. They fucking what? he prompted helpfully, at least
partially invested in the gossip by now.

[They say.] The message box flashed red, the text went italic—mimicking Laoshi, perhaps? Shen
Yuan had never seen them before—and the System quoted, [I guess basically…you turn it off and
then on again?]
Shen Yuan’s lips twitched.

[If you laugh I am going to manifest a foot specially to shove up your ass. It’s not funny.]

Can I laugh at the mental visual of you, like, feebly kicking at me with the single manifested foot
hanging off your message box?

[You know what, do whatever. I actually try to think about your mental visuals as little as
possible. Do you want to hear the rest of it or do you want to contemplate my hypothetical
foot?]

Shen Yuan took a moment to think about it. Not because he had any interest in the System’s
nonexistent feet, of course. It’s just funnier like that.

He could practically feel it side-eyeing him before it continued. [And by ‘want’ I mean I’m
telling you the rest, because it’s fucking important. Look. Laoshi told me to tell you that
you’re part of this plan too.]

That actually legitimately gave Shen Yuan pause. How so? Do I hold down some celestial CTRL-
ALT-DEL?

[…Why the hell do I even bother worrying about you? No. Look. They told me to say that
you’re essentially bait.]

Shen Yuan blinked.

Then he blanched. Wait, what?? I didn’t agree to that!!

[Oh sure, so now you’re bothered when it’s your ass on the line!]

Yeah, that’s sort of how people tend to be about their asses!

[Wouldn’t know. Don’t have one.] It deliberates a moment. [I mean, metaphorically I do, I
guess…?]

Why the fuck are we bantering about asses instead of, like, maybe clarifying what the bait thing
means???

[Ah. Yes. Okay. So.] It dithered. [Laoshi said that they had only seen the Main System
‘distracted’ once. There was this guy who, uh, he revealed the existence of the System to
someone from a lesser world? Which isn’t supposed to be possible. There are restrictions on
that sort of thing. But Laoshi theorized he got away with it because the Main System was
focusing on something else at the time.]

Which is…

[He had just given away all of his energy to the primary world. That, uh…is also not
supposed to happen. The Main System’s intent is to profit off these worlds, right?]

Right, but I’m surprised you’re allowed to tell me now.

[I am still super not allowed. But I am also not allowed to plan coups and shit, so fuck it. Vive
la résistance or whatever. Now shut up and let me dig my hole even deeper.]
…Go for it.

Shen Yuan had completely given up on working by then in favor of staring intently at the System’s
message box. It preened under the rare undivided attention, turning a brighter blue. [So how it’s
supposed to work is—the energy you get is given to you by the child of fate. Since you have a
contract with me, all that energy gets passed to me. I then pass on the energy to the Main
System. Yes?]

Yep.

[In this case, apparently…well, I don’t know the details or anything, but the contract was
invalidated somehow. However it happened, all those points he’d earned rebounded back to
him, and he sent all of those to the primary world to try to fulfill his wish. That’s a problem
for two reasons. One: if he gets away with it, the Main System doesn’t make a profit. Two: as
of right now, the Main System really wants to avoid the primary worlds noticing it as much as
possible. It can only get away with poaching souls because the primary worlds’ eyes aren’t on
it. If they’re looking at it, it’s harder to sneak in. And even if it’s not much energy on a
primary world’s scale, a blast of it coming from somewhere is enough for at least a glance.]

Okay. That makes sense.

[So the Main System probably would’ve tried to stop the energy from reaching the primary
worlds. It’s an AI, and it’s never faced this situation, and it’s time-sensitive, so maybe it’s
panicking a bit. It focuses all of its energy on blocking the blast, and doesn’t get to stop the
transmigrator in time.]

…Hm.

[That’s what Laoshi thinks happened anyway.]

That seems, uh, kind of tenuous?

[If it makes you feel better, they also said a hamster told them they were right.]

That actually makes me feel worse, thank you!

[Me too. I mostly try to ignore it when they say shit like that. But, uh…I’m guessing you get
the gist.]

Yeah, more or less. As much as he wished he didn’t. I blast my old world, the Main System loses its
shit, it doesn’t pay attention to you sneaking in.

[Yep.]

That’s…stupid.

[No shit! That’s why I came in here saying we were doomed!] The message box floated down to
Shen Yuan’s desk and laid down theatrically on the surface. [Wait, Laoshi just sent me a
message…oh, god. Fuck this guy.]

What did they say?

[‘ :( ‘]
…Okay. Yeah. For once I’m with you.

[They sent three sad faces now and they say, uh, to tell you…and I quote…‘what if it’s the
only way to save Binghe’]

Fuck this guy.

[Yeah! Fuck this guy!]

But Shen Yuan couldn’t discount it, either, after Laoshi brought it up. He scratched his hair
irritably.

Unfortunately. As much as he hated the thought then—and hates it now—he’d do anything if it

were for Binghe.

Ultimately, he’d agreed. Which is why he’s staging this absolute farce with the System and
pretending that he doesn’t notice MSE-12 bobbing awkwardly to the side.

Fuck you, he thinks vehemently.

[No, fuck you! Why though exactly?]

Shen Yuan slams his hand to his heart.

[Bit much there,] the System says privately.

Shh. I’m acting. Shen Yuan attempts to muster up a tear and fails, instead turning red and looking a
bit constipated. Back on the public channel, he says dramatically, What is this I hear from a
passing space cultivator about me not being able to save my family?

“Passing space cultivator?” MSE-12 asks mildly. “Really.”

[I don’t know what you’re talking about!] the System responds, turning to the side.

That’s enough confirmation for me! If I can’t save my family…we’re through!

[What are we, fucking dating?]

Ew. No. Like our friendship is over. If you want, you could have been secretly pining for me
though?

[There is literally nothing I want less than that.]

Shh!

Shen Yuan finally forces out a tear. “You’re nothing to me,” he says. “Our contract is done.” Then
he runs out of the room.

Even MSE-12 can’t manage its mandated cheerfulness in the face of their charade. “What was
that.”

[You heard him,] the System says, tipping up at one corner like it’s shrugging. [Nothing to be
done. Too bad.]

Then, it dissolves their contract.

MSE-12’s pixel face goes carefully blank. “What did you just do,” it hisses.

[How about you use that top-tier AI of yours and take a fucking guess?] The System adds in a
middle finger emoji and immediately zips itself to the coordinates Laoshi—or Luo Binghe,
whatever—had drilled into it for years.

By now, Shen Yuan should be starting to send energy to his primary world. He has more of it than
the Shen Yuan from Laoshi’s memory ever would have been able to obtain, so it should be even
more of an urgent situation. MSE-12 will have to focus on Shen Yuan. Hopefully…well, hopefully
it decides to stop the energy transfer by blocking Shen Yuan, and not by killing him.

…It can’t dwell on that right now. It has a job to do, and it won’t help Shen Yuan by worrying for
him. Anyway, Laoshi said it would probably be fine…

[He got his Shen Yuan killed, though,] the System thinks grumpily to itself. […He had better be
right this time.]

It races along the path it was taught, code at the ready, and puts its anxiety aside for now.

MSE-12 catches up to Shen Yuan quickly. It floats next to him, observing him thoughtfully, even
as Shen Yuan starts to funnel all his energy towards the primary world and shoots.

Its face turns amused. It laughs. “Oh. I see.”

Shen Yuan doesn’t respond.

“You can stop pretending you can’t hear me, you know?” It moves in front of him, somersaulting,
face carefully pleasant. “The world’s data logs are more comprehensive than you, or your dumbass
System, have given it credit for.”

Shen Yuan was never the best actor in the first place. He huffs and continues concentrating on
directing the energy. “It’s not a dumbass.”

“Hm?”

“My System. It’s not a dumbass.” He pauses. “Or, well, it kind of is, but I’m the only one allowed
to say that.”

MSE-12 titters out another laugh. “Aw, how charming! You think you’re friends!”

Shen Yuan’s nose wrinkles. He tilts one hand from side to side.

“And yet, it hasn’t been completely honest with you, has it?” It tsks gently. “From the very
beginning! It told you you could get your family back, but that was a lie! It said you were born to
be a villain, and yet you seem to be operating under the illusion that you’re a hero!”

Shen Yuan rolls his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. Look. I get it, dude. You’re the antagonist, you’re trying to
sow discord as some final-act drama play—”
“Not everything is a story, Shen Yuan,” it says. Its face turns sad. “There isn’t an antagonist! There
is no final act! This is your life, and sometimes in life you just listen to people you shouldn’t!”

“Whatever.” Shen Yuan maturely blows a raspberry at it.

“How can I make you believe me?” A spinning beach ball shows up on its screen, then is replaced
with a wide grin. “Oh! I know! How’s this for a lie?” Its smile widens further. “It didn’t tell you
that you’re the reason your precious Binghe died!”

Shen Yuan stills. His energy flow stops cold. Through gritted teeth, he asks, “What the fuck are
you talking about.”

“Oh, not your current Binghe. No need to worry about that! That one is just worrying his little heart
out in a nearby hotel! And he’s watching you on those cameras of his like a little freak!”

“He’s not a freak—”

“He is. You only think he isn’t because you’re also a freak. You nasty little pervert!” Its eyes curve
up. “But anyway, that’s not important. Haven’t you ever wondered who that Laoshi of yours is?”

Shen Yuan tilts his head, starting to find the flow of his energy again now that he knows his
Binghe is safe. “Not really. Space cultivator?”

“God you and your fucking space cultivator thing,” it mutters, smile going strained. “What the
fuck is a space cultivator. That isn’t a thing. You’d be better off saying it was a fucking—dream
demon, or something.”

“Is that what Laoshi is?”

“No! Oh! My god!”

“Why would you bring it up then?”

Popping veins throb at the corner of MSE-12’s face. “Forget it! I was doing a thing here, you
know! I was building up—intrigue and shit—”

“Oh.” Shen Yuan purses his lips. “You can…keep, uh, doing that if you want.”

“You ruined it,” it says sadly. “Just like you ruin everything.”

(Shen Yuan hates that hearing that still causes a pang in his heart, even coming from this asshole.)

“So here. No embellishment. No intrigue. Guess what? Laoshi is your Binghe!” It smiles slowly
again. “Or, well, I suppose…not yours. And I suppose it’s more accurate to say Laoshi was
Binghe.”

Shen Yuan blinks rapidly.

MSE-12 seems to have hit its stride once more. “That’s right! At a previous time, Luo Binghe
killed you like he was supposed to, and then he made it his life’s mission to destroy the Main
System. All for his own mistake! Terribly irresponsible! He spent millions of years building up
energy. He went through hundreds of thousands of worlds. He suffered unimaginable degradation
and despair. All because of you! All because he loved you.” It sneers. “For some fucking reason.
And then the Main System killed him.”

The words echo in Shen Yuan’s ears.

Luo Binghe…had done that. For him, for…all that time…just for him…

Tears, real ones this time, begin to well up in his eyes.

“But unfortunately,” MSE-12 continues triumphantly, “Before it got to him, he had already sent
this world back in time and disengaged it from time. He sent back Laoshi and some energy for this
Binghe. He probably thought he had covered his tracks, too! But there were records of a
transmission in this world’s data logs that he must not have accounted for. An entire data package
telling the whole sad story! And your System received that data package. But for some reason,
there isn’t any record of it telling you about this important matter!”

Shen Yuan hums thoughtfully, then shrugs.

“Yeah,” he says. “I mean, that was sort of the fucking point.”

He opens up his energy—for real this time. Not just the trickle he’d been letting off earlier to put
MSE-12 off guard. He draws from the vast reserves he’d taken from Binghe and hidden away, and
throws all of it at the primary world.

MSE-12’s virtual eyes widen. “What?!”

“The world’s data logs are more comprehensive than blah blah blah,” Shen Yuan mimics badly.
“Like, fuck off. You think we didn’t know what goes in there and what doesn’t?”

“Everything is recorded by…!”

“Dreams aren’t.” Shen Yuan gives it a sweet smile. “All I had to do was give the System access. It
wasn’t exactly hard. And then all I have to do is write some bullshit script for us to play out in the
daytime. The Main System’s ‘secret server hub’? Really? And you called my System a dumbass.”

It bobs around agitatedly. “Then—then what! What’s your plan!”

“My plan…” Shen Yuan says slowly, tapping his chin.

“Yes! Tell me immediately. Or what, would you prefer I dissipate your soul right this instant?!”

“I wouldn’t prefer it,” Shen Yuan says. “Obviously. But I don’t think you’ll do it. You need to
know what the System is doing right now that makes me so confident, right?”

Its screen is red with anger now. “You USELESS cretin! You are NOTHING! You can’t do a
SINGLE THING to us—just—just get it out now and accept your fate—”

Shen Yuan grins. “You know what,” he says. “You said the System was lying about me being a
villain.”

“Wh—Shen Yuan stop smiling and explain to me!!”

“But I don’t know. I kind of think I’m doing a pretty good job of it right now?” He beams
angelically. “I especially like the part where you die without ever knowing how we killed you.”

“SHEN Y—”

It disappears.
[So,] the System finished, [Basically we’re pulling one over on the Main System and MSE-12.
Since the world was outside its control for a while, it’s going to check on the world data logs.
It’ll still be hooked in until it’s sure it’s done with everything it needs to do on this world.
Laoshi taught me how to get to the world log, so while the emissary thinks I’m going off on
some epic mission or whatever, I’ll actually be sneaking behind it to use its connection to the
logs to insert that code inside it. Emissaries are constantly relaying data back to the Main
System, so the code gets implanted inside the Main System as well. The code executes; the
Main System and all its emissaries get shut off. Your job is just to distract it for long enough
that it doesn’t notice I’m doing anything. Got it?]

Shen Yuan had crossed his arms and frowned.

[What.]

I mean…it’s just kind of anticlimactic, isn’t it.

[The fuck do you want a climax for! Climaxes are the parts of books where people die
heroically! I, for one, would much prefer not dying. And if you’re jonesing so hard for
danger, I’ll remind you that if the emissary catches on at any point, it will, HM, fucking kill
you!]

Yeah, fine. Shen Yuan sighed, picking at the edge of his jeans.

The message box floated closer awkwardly. [Look. It’s only anticlimactic because the old Luo
Binghe thought for years about how he could keep you safe. I hate to admit it, but that’s kind
of sweet, right?]

The thought of the past Luo Binghe’s story still made Shen Yuan sad. He still couldn’t really think
about it for too long without crying. But…the System was right. This was all because of him. The
least he could do was stay safe for him, after everything he put into making that happen.

[How about this. You can write the scene how you wish it would go, and we’ll use that as our
cover story. Okay?]

Shen Yuan brightened immediately. Really?

[Yeah. Just, uh…don’t…make it too cringy, or anything.]

It had, predictably, been pretty cringy. That’s what you get from a guy who reads pretty much
exclusively trash. But…it got it done in the end, the System supposes.

And that last line, the one about MSE-12 dying without knowing how it happened—

Well.

That was pretty funny, actually. Maybe it would make a villain out of Shen Yuan yet.

…It thinks of Luo Binghe’s memories surrounding Shen Yuan’s dreamscape, practically studded
with sparkles and pink bubbles, and shudders. Okay. Probably not.

Whatever. Shen Yuan sucks, but…he’s also kind of fine the way he is, all things considered.
There’s not any fanfare or anything, not even a single tiny explosion. Shen Yuan isn’t
disappointed, but also, like. Yeah he’s kind of disappointed.

[If there was an explosion that would mean we fucked up,] a tiny box prints irritably.

You’re sure it worked, then?

[Yeah. I’m trying to ping the Main System and all of the requests are getting bounced back at
me. Laoshi said he had enlisted an…iclcle…to make sure everything was okay, though.]

The fuck is that supposed to mean.

[Maybe that other System? The one in charge of that author.] The box gets larger as the
System returns. [But who knows, really. He had a lot of secrets.]

Shen Yuan is quiet, thinking of what MSE-12 had said earlier. Maybe he just didn’t want us to
know how bad it really was for him.

[…Us? LOL. He never gave a shit about me, dude. It was always you.]

Shen Yuan rubs his neck, looking down.

Yeah. As narcissistic as it feels like to admit it…maybe for him and Binghe, it’s always been each
other. Maybe in every universe, it would play out something like this.

He just hopes that somewhere, sometime, in one of those universes, Laoshi will get his Shen Yuan
too.

All of this still doesn’t feel quite real. Not their victory—he still half expects MSE-12 to pop out
around a corner, or something, and mock them for thinking it would be so easy. Not the fact that
he’s here, even, to a certain extent. Some days he still thinks he’ll wake up and his family will
chide him for oversleeping. (His heart still hurts, thinking of it, too.)

Not the fact that he has Binghe.

…Really, he doesn’t know if that will ever feel real.

But he sort of is looking forward to finding out, as cliché as that sounds.

[By the way, don’t think I missed that you called me a dumbass.]

Semi-affectionately!

[Gross. Go be semi-affectionate to your boyfriend and leave me alone.]

Fine, fine.

It hesitates a moment, then prints, [Hey.]

What.

[Glad you’re alive.]

…Glad you’re alive too.

 Yeah.

Yeah. He’s alive.

He’s alive, and he won, and he has Binghe waiting for him. And if all of that is a dream, well—
he’s pretty good at dreaming now. He’ll just make it the best one he’s ever had, and hold onto it
for as long as he can.

Chapter End Notes

SO! i did a glancing once-over at some of the past couple chapters to see if i could
make this work and i didn't seeeee anything that would contradict this ending, but if
there is, well. that would be because i came up with it mid-chapter XD initially it was
actually going to be the system going to the secret hub, but i kept feeling like that was
a bit contrived. (the part where sy said 'this seems tenuous' was lampshading that) and
then i came up with this alternative. which is indeed sort of anticlimactic so i did some
more lampshading from sy :P you know. because it's fine if you do something silly as
long as you make a joke about it being silly! ha ha ha. but i do think if lbh could come
up with a method that was safer for sy he'd do it! so here we are. also, you may note
that a lot of this chapter is banter. the reason for that is: banter is easy for me to write
and plot is hard <3

one thing that is canon here but that i couldn't find a way to write in (because lbh
would have no way of knowing; sy was dead and idr whether i mentioned it but the
system was scrapped in the last timeline after sy died) is that the reason sy was
suddenly released from the contract was bc the system felt bad for him. in that
timeline, he'd been fucked over and tortured, and it's one thing when the system has
been spending time with actual villain-type people for most of its life. but sy is mostly
a good guy, and the system is the one who brought him into this because it basically
made an incorrect assumption. so even though it knew it would get scrapped for it, it
released sy from the contract and that's why sy could get the energy and why sy could
tell lbh about being a transmigrator.

TO BE CLEAR that bit at the end is not foreshadowing that this is a dream. this is all
real lol sy is just in a bit of a daze that everything actually worked esp since the climax
was so lackluster. the demon king is not supposed to go down without a fight! and yet!
also. if you're wondering 'why could the system not just implement the code in itself?
isn't it also connected to the main system?' the in-universe answer is that the
emissaries are directly connected to the main system (sort of like incarnations rather
than employees) and so if it was in a LSO instead it might have been tagged before it
got put into the main system. the real answer is: look the ending needed to be at least a
LITTLE dramatic lol. 'why did sy still blast a lot of energy if their real plan was
already in operation' may be a question that you are probably not actually wondering
about because who gives a shit, but it is nonetheless a question that will be answered
in next chapter, which will be the epilogue and also sex. in this one, lbh will top, sy
will bottom. and yes it will be the last chapter! and yes i am kicking myself in the face
for not getting it in under 20 christ i am a clown

EDIT: oh standard pre-smut warning, the next chapter may take longer than 3 days! if
it does i will edit this again to let y'all know~
End Notes

thank you so much for reading! if you enjoyed this you might enjoy the manhua it's
inspired by, i want to be a big baddie, so you should go check that out if you'd like. if i've
missed any content warnings or tags at any point, please feel free to let me know :) also
obviously this doesn't really NEED to be said, but this all is a very unhealthy dynamic irl,
and i do not support or endorse this sort of thing in real life relationships u_u

i'm presently trying to get new chapters out every 2-3 days. if that changes i'll let y'all
know!

if you want to shout about svsss with me i'm on twitter as @boringbibs and on tumblr as
anuninterestingperson

Please drop by the archive and comment to let the author know if you enjoyed their work!