1

Preventing Childhood Sexual Abuse

Kaity Tackett

Department of Home and Family, Brigham Young University Idaho

Child 310: Early and Middle Child Development

Brother Rane

March 21, 2022

2

Preventing Childhood Sexual Abuse

Childhood sexual abuse is an ongoing problem that needs to be prevented—being

sexually abused as a child has lasting effects on children both physically and mentally. These

effects last a lifetime and is something the child will have to always carry with them. It has been

stated that 1 in 4 women have been sexually abused in their lifetime (Zimmerman, 2009, para. 2).

That is 1 in 4 women whose lives have been forever altered by a choice that was made for them

or against their will. We need to protect children so that they can grow and develop in

appropriate ways at appropriate times. Childhood sexual abuse can be prevented by teaching

children proper body terminology, having open communication, and teaching children body

autonomy.

Using Correct Body Terminology

The biggest prevention of childhood sexual abuse is teaching children the correct terms

for their body parts. Researchers suggest that “when parents allow children to call their sexual

and reproductive body parts slang names, they send the message that there is something

shameful about those body parts” (Baker, 2012, p. 2). Penis and vagina are not bad words and

shouldn’t be treated any differently than arm or leg. Children should be taught this from a young

age, at the same time as when they are taught to respect their bodies. As a parent is talking with

their child asking them where their eyes are, or where their head is, it should be perfectly normal

to ask them where their vagina or their penis is. This way children can learn the names of their

body parts as well as where they are located.

How does this help children? Children who know the names of their body parts are then

able to vocalize to an adult when something is wrong. Just like they can say “mommy my arm

hurts” and you look to make sure everything is ok, they can say “mommy my vagina itches” and
3

you can know something is wrong and be able to take action. This is critical in helping children

take control of their body. This is also true when children try to disclose sexual abuse that has

already happened. For example, if Sally went up to her teacher and stated, “my Uncle Johnny

touched my cookie and made me sad.” The teacher could easily misinterpret what Sally was

telling her and not know that Sally was trying to tell her that Johnny touched her inappropriately.

On the contrary, if Sally goes up to her teacher and told her “Uncle Johnny touched my vagina

and it made me sad,” Sally’s teacher would understand her and know to get Sally some help right

away.

Another reason teaching children the proper names of their genitals is important, is

because it can help stop sexual abuse as its happening. If a child is being sexually abused and

knows to speak up it gives them power. Someone who is abusing a child will stop and think

twice if that child loudly says, “Stop touching my penis! I don’t like that!” It shows that the child

has been educated and can more easily tell someone what happened.

Teaching children the proper names of their body parts gives them power but can also be

taken a step further in court. When a child goes to court to face their abuser, it's extremely scary

and nerve-racking. By not knowing their body or being taught that it's inappropriate to talk about

their body, it can cause the child to feel even more nervous and embarrassed to talk about the

situation. Also, if a child can say exactly what happened and where they were touched, it gives

them more credibility than just saying, “they touched me down there.” There is more power, and

confidence given to the child by using and having the knowledge of appropriate body

terminology.

Having Open Communication

4

Another way to help prevent childhood sexual abuse is to have open communication with

children about sex. Start the conversations at a young age, adding more information as they get

older and making it age appropriate. You don’t have to go into detail at a young age, but it is

important to explain to them how we respect our bodies and the body of others as well. It’s

normal for children to be curious and have questions. Parents who beat around the bush are

doing more harm than good for their children. Researchers have stated, “there are strong

indications that early and open communication can impact positively in terms of sexual safety

and outcomes” (Stone, 2013, p. 1). When children have questions, if they feel like they can't go

to their parents, they will go to the internet, friends at school, or any other source that they may

have access to. This can be very dangerous, as they will not receive the best, most age-

appropriate answers.

Having open communication also means being there for children when they want to talk.

It's important for children to feel like they have someone who can answer their questions in a

nonjudgmental way. This will allow them to feel comfortable talking to adults when undesirable

things happen. This can start by teaching children what is considered “appropriate touches” and

when they need to reach out for help. Appropriate touches help a child feel safe and loved.

Inappropriate touches are touches that make them feel uncomfortable or unsafe and need to be

reported to an adult. A good way to help children know areas of the body that shouldn’t be

touched is by using the swimsuit rule. This rule teaches children that anywhere a swimsuit

touches, should not be touched by or shown to others. It's also important to teach the exception to

this rule. Some examples of this may include when a parent must help a child change or bathe, or

when a doctor has to examine the child. It should be explained though, that for both of these

instances a parent/guardian will be present to make sure nothing happens to the child (Medsker,
5

2020, para. 6). This will help strengthen the relationship between the child and parent by

building trust. The child will feel like the parent is truly there for them and will make having

open communication easier.

Another form of open communication is teaching children that there are no secrets from

mom and dad. A perpetrator will try and tell a child, “This is a secret between me and you, don’t

tell anyone.” When a child hears something like this, they will get the impression that they need

to listen to this person because they are an adult. It can also prevent the child from reaching out

because they will get the impression that they can trust this person. This can be avoided by

children being taught and learning how to recognize when someone tells them that this is a

secret, to tell mom and dad right away. Children keeping secrets between mom and dad at a

young age can lead to children keeping bigger secrets once they are older. If they feel like they

can talk to their parents when they are young, they will feel like they can talk to them when they

are older too.

A second form of “secrets” kept between children and adults is when they come across

pornography on the internet. Pornography is everywhere and it’s not an IF they encounter it, but

a WHEN. Today we are surrounded by pornography that we may or may not pay attention to

because we are so used to seeing it. It is important that children are not exposed to pornography,

but if they are, they need to know the correct actions to take in order to get rid of it. Parents

talking to their child about pornography can help them know what to do in these situations. An

example might include, shutting the computer or device off and telling mom and dad right away.

When talking to children who have encountered pornography, it's important not to get upset as

the parent. Children need to feel like they are not in trouble because if they do, they won't come

talk to you if it happens again. The first time a child encounters pornography, they haven’t been
6

looking for it. It sneaks up on them, and if they don’t know what to do, pornography can lead

children down a slippery path. It can start a terrible addiction that a child may have to deal with

for the rest of their life. By having this addiction, it can cause life changing consequences like

being sexually active at a younger age, having STDs and teen pregnancy. These are normal

consequences that happen all the time and children need to be educated on it so they can be

prevented in the future.

Teaching Body Autonomy

Teaching children body autonomy is another important step to take in preventing

childhood sexual abuse. Body autonomy is “the concept that individuals have control over

their bodies, what happens to them and who is allowed to touch them. We need to respect

children’s wishes about tickling, kissing, cuddling, and hugging – they should not be forced to

hug or kiss anyone. We need to teach our children that if someone says, “No,” to being

touched, that request should immediately be respected, and the behavior needs to stop” (Sutton,

2021, p. 35). This helps children learn what consent is and helps them take control of their

bodies. Wanting children to respect their bodies starts with the adults around them respecting

their bodies. The adults are the ones that need to be an example for their children. By children

seeing that their parents or other adults around them respect their body they will want to do that

too.

How exactly can adults instill body autonomy in their children? This can be done by

teaching children phrases such as “It's my body and I don’t like how you're treating it” or “I

don’t want a hug right now, but I can give you a high-five.” This helps children feel like they

have control over their bodies. Children want to have a sense of agency, and body autonomy
7

gives them that agency. They have a say in what happens to their body and teaching them that at

a young age will help them have respect for their bodies as they get older.

It's also important for parents to show examples of consent to their children. If they are

playing tickle monster with their child and they say stop, the parents should stop right away even

if the child is still giggling. This is a way that children can use their consent which should be

respected by their parent. When the child says they are ok with it, the tickling can continue, but

once the child says stop, it stops. No matter how many times this happens, it should be

acknowledged and respected. This is a skill that will improve the child’s future relationships.

They will already know about consent, and will know that if in a relationship, someone says stop

you stop. They will also know that if they say stop, and the person doesn’t, something is wrong,

and they need to get help.

Another way for parents to respect their child’s body autonomy is by giving them their

privacy. Once a child is old enough to shower or go to the bathroom independently, they should

be given the opportunity to do so. When a child wants to enter a room, they need to learn how to

knock first before they enter. Parents need to do this as well because that way both the parent and

child have given boundaries and respect to one another. Everyone needs personal space and

alone time and teaching children at a young age these types of behaviors will lead to a healthy

parent and child relationship. Relationships thrive on boundaries and respect and that includes a

parent-child relationship. Just because they are children doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t be

allowed boundaries and that respect doesn’t need to be given.

Sometimes parents must help children, even if they don’t want it. How can body

autonomy still be respected? It can be respected as you talk to children about what is going on

and by getting them involved as much as possible. “It’s not about them giving permission,
8

because these caregiving acts are point blank necessary. It’s about including them and treating

them like we would want to be treated” (Massey, 2019, para. 10). Diaper changes for instance

are a necessary thing that have to happen for personal hygiene reasons, as well as comfort. But

children should be involved and doing so will help them understand and minimize the tantrums.

For example, Sally’s mom is trying to change her diaper, but Sally keeps freaking out. Instead of

getting frustrated and yelling, Sally’s mom can take the time to explain why the bum change

needs to happen. She can also get Sally involved by having her go grab her new diaper and

wipes. This can help Sally feel a part of the bum changing process and she will be more willing

to cooperate with her mom. The same can be said when it comes to bath time. Most of the time

when parents are giving their child a bath, mom and dad are in control and doing everything. If

Sally’s mom asks her if she wants to wet her hair by herself or wants her mom to do it for her

Sally now has a sense of control. Examples like these are ways that parents can give their

children the choice and control over their body.

What happens if a family member decides they don’t want to respect a child’s body

autonomy? When getting ready to leave, Aunt Danielle wants Susie to give her a hug, but Susie

doesn’t want one. Aunt Danielle gets upset because she feels like Sally is disrespecting her for

not giving hugs. This situation can be handled in different ways. If Sally is old enough to speak

up, she could tell Aunt Danielle that she would rather have a high-five or fist bump and maybe

next time she could give a hug. If Sally is not old enough, you as the parent can speak up and

explain to Aunt Danielle that you are teaching Sally that she has a right to her body and can say

who can and can't touch her. It’s nothing personal towards Aunt Danielle, but just like she

doesn’t always want hugs, neither does Sally. This will help Sally know that she has the right to

speak up, and that you as her parent have her back and is someone she can trust. Body autonomy
9

doesn’t come naturally to children, it's something that needs to be taught and takes time to fully

understand.

Conclusion

Childhood sexual abuse can be prevented by teaching children proper body terminology,

having open communication, and teaching children body autonomy. These things can be taught

to children from infancy and built upon as the child ages. By doing so, it will feel more normal

and natural to talk about as they get older. Children are smarter than we give them credit for and

understand more than we think they do. People might be hesitant to talk about these things with

their children because they don’t know how to approach the topic, but it can save a child’s

childhood. It takes one minute to ruin a child’s life, but these tools can help children advocate for

themselves and their bodies.

10

References

Baker, E. (2012, October 1). A Review of “What Your Child Needs to Know About Sex (and

When): A Straight-Talking Guide for Parents”. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy.

Sutton, K. (2021). Consent Education Needs to Start Early: Empowering Children to Set

Boundaries. Teachers Matter, 51, 34–35.

Massey, M. (2019, July 11). Why I started asking my baby's 'permission' before diaper changes.

Scary Mommy.

Medsker, S. (2020, April 20). 7 Tips for Teaching Children Good Touch and Bad Touch.

utmbHealth.

Stone, N., Ingham, R., & Gibbins, K. (2013). ‘Where do babies come from?’ Barriers to early

sexuality communication between parents and young children. Sex Education, 13(2), 228–

240.

Zimmerman, L. (2009, March 19). Myths and facts about childhood sexual abuse. NewsBankinc.