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Hello,
Bob and I found peace in acceptance. We were at peace with

the fact that at the end of life comes death. Being at peace

with death allowed us to live and love more fully both before

and after Bob’s diagnosis. Following his diagnosis, we balanced

loving each other fully with preparing for his death and my

survivorship.

Our discussions, preparations and sense of peace did not

negate or lessen the profound sadness I felt when Bob died.

They did allow me a comforting sense of certainty and security,

so that I was not overwhelmed by decisions and administrative

details just before and then after his death. I still love Bob and I

miss him every day. And more than four years after his death,

nearly every day, a reason comes up to thank him for doing this

preparation with me because it has made my survivorship

without him less fraught with burdens and unknowns.

Since the release of my book, The Hospice Doctor’s Widow: A

Journal, I have received a number of inquiries as to how to go

about achieving that sense of peace and preparedness.

Simultaneously, I have had to make all of the preparations for

my own death as a solo ager. Because it is not a matter of if but

when you and your loved ones will die: have the conversations,

make the plans, and do the organizing that will allow you to live

and love more fully.

With hope that this tool kit helps you achieve a sense of peace,

jennifer

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 Set Up Your Smart Phone Medical ID
This is easy and quick. Do it right now so that if there is a medical emergency, responders can access key, life-
saving information and emergency contacts from your phone. After loading the information, learn how to access
it when the phone is locked, and then share with others in your family or circle how to do the same.

iPhone
Go to Contacts - at the very top of your contacts there is a place to
put a photo of you and your contact information (my card). When you
tap on that at the very bottom of the form, tap on Complete Medical
ID.

Photo:

Full Name:

Date of Birth:

Medical Conditions:

Medical Notes:

Allergies & Reactions:

Medications:

Blood Type:

Organ Donor:

Weight:

Height:

Primary Language:

Emergency Contacts:

!Switch on Emergency Access so your Medical ID can be viewed when

the iPhone is locked by tapping Emergency, then Medical ID.

!Switch on Share During Emergency Call so if you call Emergency

Services, iPhone can share your encrypted Medical ID.

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Android

Most Android phones do not have a built-in medical ID feature. There are free apps you can download to create a
medical ID.

The following are instructions for the Medical ID (Free) ICE Contacts (Medical ID) app after you have downloaded
it.

In the app you will be asked to allow Medical ID to access your device's location and to make and manage phone
calls. This is so: you can be found in case of emergency; you can find nearby hospitals; and your emergency
contacts can be called through the app.

Create a profile by adding your full name, photo, and all pertinent information including: gender, date of birth,
blood type, height, weight, organ donor, medical conditions, allergies, and medications.

Type any special instructions or medical notes, at least two emergency contacts, name of preferred hospital and
insurance coverage. *Important* To enter your emergency contacts' information, go to the medical notes section.
Here the app will ask for permission to access your contacts. Next, when you enter your emergency contacts'
names the app will find their information in your contacts.

Tap the check mark in the upper right corner to finish your profile.

Once you tap the check mark, you will be on a screen called Profiles. Tap on the three dots in the upper right
corner to look at your Settings.

In your Settings, tap on the Lock screen. The first line is an option to turn Lock screen on. It's important to do this so
your information can be viewed by emergency personnel even when your phone is locked.

Once the Lock screen has been turned on, there is another series of prompts to allow the app to add a Medical ID
banner/icon/widget on your lock screen. This allows emergency personnel to see that you have the Medical ID
information available at a glance.

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 Advance Healthcare Directives
Every adult has the right and responsibility to document and communicate advance healthcare directives/advance
care planning and designate a healthcare proxy/medical representative so that if you are unable to communicate
decisions about your healthcare, someone you trust will be able to do it for you. Remember, you can choose every
possible life extending measure, none, or something in between, the choice is YOURS. The “right” healthcare
directives/advance care plans are what you choose. Keep it that way, by documenting it and designating the proxy
who will carry out YOUR choices.

Document. Each state* has different forms and guides. For

these documents visit

https://www.nhpco.org/advancedirective/ or search

'Advance Healthcare Directives" and the name of your state.

Most states have public information and forms that allow

individuals to establish and document their advance

healthcare directives without a doctor or attorney. If you want

guidance from a physician, most health insurance plans cover

a physician visit for establishing advance healthcare

directives. If you want an attorney to draw up the document,

that is an option also.

Communicate with the healthcare proxy and a back-up proxy

you have selected and confirm that they understand your

specific wishes and accept the responsibility.

Share the finalized document with your proxy and carry a

wallet card and/or note in your phone Medical ID to indicate

to first responders that you have documented advance

directives.

*In Canada each province has its own laws, documents, etc.

A good Canadian resource is

https://www.advancecareplanning.ca/
The American Hospital Association makes this card available for

you to print, complete and carry in your wallet for first responder

and hospital emergency department staff

Mideohealth.com is a service and technology that allows you to have a
https://www.aha.org/system/files/2018-01/piiw-
telehealth visit with a physician, establish your advance directives and
walletcard.pdf
video your statement. You then carry a card with a QR code that first

responders use to view the recording. 5

Administrative Details

Each year money, property and precious items, such as digital photos, get lost or left

behind because people die without organizing and communicating. These losses only

add to the sadness of the death. And because death is one of the few certainties in

life, these losses are entirely avoidable with just a little bit of forethought and effort.

Please use the following prompts to gather, store, and make accessible your assets

to ease the burden of losing you.

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 Passwords & Access Codes

Document the access codes to all phones, tablets, laptops, desktops, etc. If something happens to a loved

one, you will want access to all devices if for no other reason than their photos.

Password Management Systems - There are a number of password management systems available including:

NordPass, Keeper, RoboForm, Norton, 1Password, etc. Your smartphone also includes a password tracking

system for those passwords you enter while using your phone. Research what works best for you. Remember,

to provide device access codes so that password storage is available to your loved ones.

Social Media - Accounts left unattended after a death can open your survivors up to scams, fraud, and other

ugly behavior. Some platforms such as Facebook have a Remembrance feature that allows the account to

remain but makes a designation that the individual is deceased. Leave written instructions. Do you want

everything deleted—or do you want your pages to live on? Leave specific instructions in writing, including login

credentials, for the trusted loved one who you want managing the process.

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Accounts
Checking Savings

Institution Name Account Number Institution Name Account Number

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 Accounts
401K/IRA/Retirement* Investments

Institution Name Account Number Institution Name Account Number

Cryptocurrencies/NFTs Other Digital Assets

*In Canada this is RRSP/RRIF/Private & Government Pensions

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Legal Documents Titles, Deeds & Certificates
Trust(s) Birth

Last Will & Testament Marriage

Power of Attorney (Financial & Divorce

Property) Passports

Power of Attorney (Healthcare) House

Land
Other

Automobile(s)

Stocks & bonds

Recreational Vehicles

Firearms

Cemetery

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 Insurances Other Important Stuff
Health
Documents for dependents and pets

Employer Life
Storage Facilities
Individual Life
Safe Deposit Box
Long Term Disability

List of Precious Items Gifting

Disability/Serious Illness

Special Instructions
Annuities

Letters & Upon-Death

Auto

Correspondence
Umbrella

Loans and Debts Owed to Estate

Homeowners

List of Key Contacts

Burial

Other Disposition, Memorial and Obituary

Instructions

There are a number of secure, online estate planning systems such as: Everplans, The Torch, and Estate Map. Some people

find these preferable for a variety of reasons. If you have interest in an online system, research them thoroughly and

communicate all necessary access information with your loved ones.

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Conversation Starters

Perhaps the most common question I get since releasing my book and becoming an advocate for open discussion about end of life is,

“How do I start the conversation about end-of-life preferences?” First, keep in mind it is likely a series of conversations rather than just

one. Second, try having some baseline conversation while everyone is still healthy. It is much easier to initiate discussions, decisions, and

documents in the abstract. Additionally, following a diagnosis revisiting those conversations, decisions and documents, given the new

circumstances, is easier. If you have not had a conversation and someone is getting on in years or has already received a life-limiting

diagnosis, please initiate the conversations sooner rather than later. Third, the most comprehensive set of resources can be found at

www.theconversationproject.org, please check them out. Below are some ideas for casually initiating the discussion series.

Films - There are many outstanding documentaries about end of life

Songs - If you search “songs about death,” you will find lists of them
including: The End Game, Frontline’s Being Mortal, The Nurse with
including your genre of choice. The conversation might start with, “I
the Purple Hair, and Caregiver - A Love Story. Any of these will make
was listening to the lyrics of _______ and it got me thinking about
excellent conversation prompts.
how important it is to me that we have some conversations that will
While Hollywood films that include deathbed scenes are notoriously
help me know how to express my love for you by supporting your
unrealistic in their depiction of end of life, they can still be excellent
end-of-life wishes.”
conversation starters.

Books - How about saying, “I just read this amazing book called The Life Experiences & Holidays - Inevitably friends, acquaintances, or
Hospice Doctor’s Widow: A Journal, and it has me thinking I would stories in the news will feature those going through illnesses, injuries

like to know and document your end of life wishes so that when the and deaths. Lots of families use a holiday such as Thanksgiving to

time comes, we can express our love for each other in a supportive set aside time for a conversation that might ask each person for a

way like Jen and Bob did.” Of course, this approach is good with favorite family reflection and an end-of-life preference or planning

other books as well. ;-) detail.

The Death Deck - A game with 112 cards, each including an open- Death Over Dinner - A dinner with a trained facilitator to guide a
ended or multiple choice question about death. It is a lot of fun as a meaningful conversation about end of life.

game and a valuable conversation starter. www.thedeathdeck.com www.deathoverdinner.com

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 With Gratitude

Thank you for reading this document. Remember not to

judge. Bob used to share the story of his parents. His father

wanted only to be kept comfortable, his mother wanted

every, possible, life-extending measure. They were both

right because when it comes to end-of-life wishes, the

right answer is your answer.

This is not easy -- nothing worth doing ever is. It may take

several tries and a series of conversations. Let your

person(s) know how important it is for you to be able to

demonstrate your love by carrying out their wishes. Set

some goals, celebrate accomplishments, and keep going

until it is done. If you change your mind about something

later, you can change the documents and tell your person.

Wishing you and your loved ones supportive, non-

judgemental and loving conversations as you create clear

documentation and instructions that will allow you to feel

prepared and at peace.

jennifer

The only financial or fiduciary interest I have is in the book I authored titled, The Hospice Doctor’s Widow: A Journal. Any and all other organizations,
companies or productions mentioned in this document are simply resources I have discovered as an individual doing my own preparations. 13