DEFINITION OF COURTSHIP

Courtship plays an important role in the life of every homo sapien. Even among the
animal kingdom, different forms of courtship behavior have been observed.
Sociologists, anthropologists, marriage Counselors, youth leaders, church leaders,
college and university administrators, and all other lovers of young people have
contributed their quota in defining courtship. According to Edwin seligma he
defines courtship as "all forms of behavior tending to stimulate sex excitement and
sex activity in the desired mate"
Elizabeth Jean croll also defines courtship as a "Process whereby individuals
awaken their interests in the opposite sex."
courtship activities are not limited to any particular group of living organisms.
Human beings as well as animals are all involved in sexual stimulation and
activity.
HISTORY OF COURTSHIP
The history of courtship is a very old one. Courtship has been in existence even
before man was created. It is found among the animals, particularly the birds where
it seems to be in a highly developed form. The male does its courting and tries to
attract the female by strutting, displaying of feathers, flying about, and also by
uttering melodious songs. As all these are going on, the female assumes a very
passive role. It has been observed that as soon as the male shows signs of
discouragement due to the non-challant attitude of the female, and he wants to go
away, the female would at that moment change her disposition. This would in turn
incite the male to new interest. These plays and counter plays in animal courtship
have important biological functions. They act as stimuli for the female and male as
they prepare for fecundation.
The same elements of play and counter-play appear in human courtship, where it has
social, intellectual and other functions.
Courtship In African Traditional Setting
Traditionally, throughout the African continent, courtship and betrothal
relationships are carried out in different ways. It is worthy to note that in all
circumstances involving courtship, the sexual intercourse is always reserved for
those who are married."In many African societies, the period of courtship,
engagement and betrothal just before the consummation of the actual marriage, the
young man and the young
woman involved are all expected to be both chaste and virginal respectively.
In Yoruba land, great importance was accorded to virginity and chastity. A
lady found Virgo Intacta after her marriage was accorded maximum respect by her
husband, the husband's family and even the whole community. Her own parents and
other relations were also very proud of her for not putting them to shame.
Moral Values
Traditionally, a boy or girl is supposed to be completely ignorant of sexual
matters until she is psychologically and socially mature. This maturity normally
comes with the rite of initiation at the attainment of a particular age.
In many Ghanian societies as well failure tproduce the evidence of virginity, which
was normally a blood stained white cloth, could spell doom to such an already-
consummated marital relationship. It was such a humiliating disaster that such a
girl may be in her father's home all the days of her life. As a matter of fact,
juvenile immorality was severely punished. This punishment could be in the form of
perpetual banishment, confinement in the place of birth and sometimes by death.

Duration Of Courtship Relationships

It has been observed that hesitations and delays are integral parts of the
courtship ceremonies. The delay comes from the families of both the young man and
the young woman. Among many African communities the wife is not handed over to the
prospective son-in-law for several years.
Reasons given for the apparent delay is to make the attachment of two (who would
soon become husband and wife) stronger for each other.
Another important reason, which has been offered and also expatiated as the proper
function of the delay in courtship is for emotional and sexual maturity. The
function of the delay therefore is to give time for the transformation of the
sudden and momentary excitement of the male into a level of love that is more
mature. This maturity will ultimately complement and fuse properly with the social
and other elements of tenderness and affection which are normally demonstrated by
the female counterpart in the courtship relationship.
The delay in courtship will act as an emotional control and check on the man. It is
true that on one hand courtship may act as a stimulant on the sexual impulses of
the man, at the same time; courtship moderates and tames the fierceness of male
sexuality. The bottom line is that, the courtship period in essence, gives the time
for the sentiments of love to mature on the side of the male and that of the female
counterpart.

BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO
Spotting Danger Signals
Occasions arise when ti is healthier to break off a relationship than to keep
going. Some couples become so wrapped up in each other that they fail to see the
danger signals that could wreck their future.
Few signs that helps in realizing when emotional dependence has overwhelmed common
sense.
1) Extreme Arguing and Fighting
2) Extreme physical involvement
3)Conflicting goals and values
4)Abuse
5)withdrawal
6)Separation
7)Poor combination of personalities

BREAKING UP WITHOUT A HEART

Breaking up is painful,so we refuse to think much about it and consequently never
learn the procedures for handling this aspect of life. Much of the pain associated
with breaking up could be avoided if couples used a little tack during the process.
Things not to do when breaking up
1)Avoid the guilt trip
2)Interest in someone else
3)Avoid silent treatment
4)Avoid hot and cold treatments
5)Avoid sending messages that your date could misinterpret

SURVIVING A BREAKUP
1) Try to leave the other person thinking
2) Bow out gracefully with your self-esteem intact
3) Don't be ashamed to feel sad
4)Genuine grief

The What Do You Know About Love Test for Young Lovers'
1 Love at first sight is possible between some people.
2. Premarital sex is acceptable when a couple cares a lot about each other
3. When real love hits, you will know it.
4. When a couple truly loves each other, they will not fight.
5. It is easy to tell the difference between real love and infatuation.
6. It is quite normal for someone to be in love with several persons at the same
time.
7. When you are really in love, you lose interest ni other people, things, and
activities.
8. When you fall head over heels in love with someone, you will know by your
feelings if it is the real thing.

How love develop

1. Infantile stage
2. Parent love stage
3. Buddy love stage
4. Adolescent stage
5. Mature love stage

Love Versus Infatuation

Love and infatuation do have one thing in common. strong feelings of affection for
a member of the opposite sex, which complicates the matter of You sorting out the
differences because many of the symptoms overlap one another. The most passionate
and blind infatuation may contain a portion of genuine
love. And genuine love may include several symptoms found in infatuation.
Love and infatuation share three similar symptoms passion, nearness, and strange
emotions. Passion may be present without genuine love. It is entirely
self to possible to feel passionate or to have strong sexual feelings for a person
you to do have not even met. The desire to be near one another constantly can be
just as overwhelming in infatuation as in genuine love. You may wish to be together
all the time, dreading the hour of parting.
Experiencing strange emotions when you think about the other person is not valid
either. You may feel like walking on air when everything is going well with your
love and downright ill when things go wrong. Infatuation thrives on unrealistic
daydreams in which you imagine the two of you leading a beautiful, blissful life
together in perfect agreement at all times. These daydreams cause you to forget the
realities of life, school, work, study, responsibilities, and money.
if you are in love, you will naturally idealize about your love, but this will tend
to grow out of an understanding and appreciation for the other person that you have
checked out against real circumstances. If you are infatuated, you will idealize
with complete disregard for reality.
Love recognizes the importance of compatibility; infatuation disregards it.