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Curiosity Builder
Curiosity Builder
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“I want to know more about you,” Amy said. “You're such a
mystery to me, and I want to know all there is to know about you.”
Scott was pleasantly surprised. He'd only been seeing Amy for a
few weeks, but was incredibly worried that she was out of his
league. You see, Amy was stunning – a tall, leggy blonde with
sparkling blue eyes that could light up a room.
But she was more than just a pretty face, and that's why Scott liked
her so much. She was funny, witty, smart, and had a great career as
well. He thought she was the entire package, and was everything –
and more – that he was looking for in a girlfriend.
But sadly, girls like Amy rarely talked to regular guys like Scott.
There was nothing wrong with Scott, nothing at all. Sure, his hair
might have been thinning, but he could look in the mirror and see a
fairly attractive face looking back at him.
But that all changed with Amy, and that's because he was doing
something totally different than he had with other girls he'd gone
out with.
“Oh really? What would you like to know more about?” he asked,
leaning back casually.
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“Everything! I feel like I hardly know a thing about you,” she said,
leaning forward and flashing him that gorgeous, brilliant smile.
Discouraged with the bar scene, he'd even tried online dating, but
rarely did that go beyond the first date either. It had gotten to a
point where he felt ready to throw in the towel on the dating
game. But then something happened.
Scott gave Amy a warm smile in return. He'd finally discovered the
secret to getting women to show a genuine interest in him – and to
keep them interested beyond a first date.
Amy had been just the tip of the iceberg and now Scott was finding
his calls to other women returned quickly. And he was regularly
getting second and third dates.
However, he realized he liked Amy above the others, and they had
started meeting up more and more. His goal, after all, was to find
something long-term.
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something real and lasting with. But had he wanted to play the
field a bit – and not get serious with Amy – this trick would have
worked just as well for that too. Scott had laughed to himself with
he realized what an easy fix it had been all along.
If you find that you're having the same problem Scott was having
before he'd learned this simple trick, you can discover his secret for
success with women by reading on – and hopefully, find yourself an
Amy as well!
This big secret isn't really all that difficult to learn and implement
into your own dating life. And it is incredibly effective because
those who designed it understand how the female brain really
works.
You see, many men out there seem to think women are only
attracted to someone based on the way they look, or what sort of
car they drive, or how much money they have in the bank. Yet,
then you see these gorgeous, successful women with average
looking guys and wonder – “What does he have that I don't?”
When these men see these stunning women with the average
looking guys, they try to rationalize it in their own minds, to chalk it
up to something that these other guys have instead of something
that they're lacking and will say things like, “Oh, he must be rich.
That has to be it.”
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little better.
But let me tell you something – very seldom are these things ever
really the case.
Sure, having a sense of humor goes a long way, and it's something
that is good to have. So is dressing nice. But those things are not
the end all, be all, no matter what some men believe.
And they're not nearly as important as the next point I'm going to
talk to you about.
After all, this is a problem that a lot of men suffer from whether
they realize it or not. The fact of the matter is that most men
probably have no idea they're even struggling with this area,
because they don't realize how important it is to the women
they're trying to attract.
Oftentimes, people lay all of their cards out on the table and don't
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leave anything up to the imagination. When you meet someone for
the first time, and they ask you about yourself, you'll likely tell
them more than they wanted to hear in the first place. Because,
since they asked, why wouldn't you?
If you doubt this, just think about the things you often talk about.
Do you talk about yourself?
What you do for a living? Where you grew up? What your favorite
hobbies are, perhaps? None of these things are bad to talk about –
in fact, they're things that are perfectly natural to share with a
potential partner as you two get to now one another over time.
But do you try to cram all of that in all at once, hoping to impress
the object of your affection within the first 10 minutes of meeting
them? If so, well, that is likely your problem. Information overload
and dispelling any sense of mystery about yourself.
This is something both men and women are guilty of, but it seems
to effect men more mainly because women are attracted to
mysterious men who intrigue them. The problem is, most men
aren't interesting enough for them.
But the good news is – It's an easy problem to fix and here is how
to do it…
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1- Trigger tension early on
You meet a beautiful woman, and you've finally worked up the
nerve to go over and talk to her. You know that this is your chance
to win her over, and you also know that first impressions matter a
very great deal.
Something like…
“There are two things that drive me nuts when it comes to the
women I've dated in the past. The first thing being when they say
something they don't mean.”
Then go quiet and leave off there. She will inevitably ask, “What's
the second thing?”
“Oh, we don't need to talk about that right now. Maybe I'll tell you
more about it later.”
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Or start telling her a fascinating story about yourself, maybe about
an interesting trip you've gone on, and right before you finish, after
you've caught her attention, pretend to have gotten a phone call
that you have to answer, or just make some excuse to walk away
for a few minutes.
When you come back, just tell her you'll have to finish your story
another time.
The trick here is to capture her interest, to pull her into you – and
just when you sense that you've captured her interest, take a few
steps back and re-route the conversation into another direction.
The flirting between you and the girl should be playful and fun, but
you should never come off as overly needy or desperate. In fact, to
get and keep her attention, you should play a little hard to get.
Women appreciate men who are mysterious, who aren't chasing
after them, who almost project an air of unattainability.
Prove that you are that sort of man with some flirting. Challenge
them to a game of pool or cards, something you're good at. And
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whatever you do, do not simply roll over and let them win.
Playfully tease and taunt them while you're at it. Laugh. Playfully
insinuate that they can't handle you. It's a very fine line to walk,
but allow yourself to be a little cocky without going overboard.
If you pick up any chick flick or romance novel, you're bound to see
this technique in action. And there's a reason for that – though
they're loathe to admit it, women love it. They eat it up. Here's an
example of what I'm talking about.
Scott met Amy at a friend's BBQ and instantly thought she was
gorgeous. Instead of just walking up to her and striking up any old
conversation though, he decided to challenge her to a game of
beer pong.
At first, she looked hesitant, not knowing the first thing about
Scott. So he teased, “Oh, you're afraid of losing, huh? I guess you're
that type of girl?”
He said it with a smile and with genuine warmth in his voice so she
would know that he wasn't serious and not intending to offend her,
but in Amy's mind, she saw it for what it really was – a challenge.
And most people will accept a challenge, especially in the name of
fun.
“I'm not afraid of losing,” she laughed. “I just don't want to play.”
Scott nodded knowingly, and took a slow sip of his beer. “I get it,
you're just not that type of girl...”
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Which again, comes off as a slight challenge to Amy. After all, it
feels exclusionary to agree that yes, she's not one of the “cool” kids
who play beer pong with the others.
By moving between the two, there's some push and pull action
going on there. Just when she feels like you've let her in, you turn
around and tease her just slightly, seemingly slamming that door
once more. It creates tension. Expectation. There's a reason why
books and movies require tension – it keeps things interesting and
keeps people engaged.
And when you're talking chick flicks, more often than not, the
tension develops from a man and a woman who are mutually
attracted to each other – but also butt heads a bit. More than a bit
in some cases.
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and playful while engaging in some good old-fashioned teasing and
flirting, and well, there's a very good chance you'll get a date out of
it!
2- Keep the tension going into the first (and second date).
Imagine this: You're on a first date with someone you've only
recently met. Given your lack of history, you don't know the first
thing about her.
You've just placed your orders and you sit across from her, staring
into those eyes and wondering what you're going to say. And it
needs to be good because first impressions matter, right?
And she tells you. Perhaps she will say she's a nurse, working nights
over at the hospital. Or a third grade teacher. Or a barista at
Starbucks. She likely keep things close to the surface, won't go into
too many details, or share intimate stories. At least, not on the first
date anyway.
Just to say something, you tell her that's nice, or maybe offer her a
compliment on her chosen line of work. And of course, as
conversations typically tend to flow, the attention shifts to you.
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Depending on what you do for a living, you probably start to feel a
little overcome by a sense of panic at that point. If you're like most
people, your job isn't the most interesting thing in the world.
Some men feel the need to explain exactly what they do, right
down to the most boring minutiae of their work, and some even
want to mention how much money they make.
The best advice I can give you about that is – don't do it. The first
scenario is usually boring, and the second just sounds like bragging
– which is never attractive, except perhaps in the case of Gold
Diggers. Seriously though, just don't do it.
Chances are, as soon as you start to go into the details and finer
points about your job, her eyes will start to glaze over and she'll be
looking for the quickest escape route out of the restaurant she can
find. You just lost her. Instead of laying it all out on the line like
that, take a step back. Smile. Take a sip of your drink. Act calm,
cool, and relaxed.
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Leave it up to her to ask, “So what is it that you do as a Civil
Engineer?”
If she does, smile some more and put off answering the question.
“We don't have to talk about that now. I'd rather hear more about
your job - what's it like working the night shift at the hospital?”
By shifting the focus off of you and on to her, not only did you
create some mystery about what you do, you've also managed to
shift the conversation to give her the chance to talk about herself –
something most people (men or women) will appreciate.
“Oh, I went downtown with some friends.” If they ask what you did
there, just smile mysteriously and shrug. If you say anything, make
it brief and non-specific.
Then change the subject. Make them wonder. The more time they
spend thinking about you, even if it's just trying to figure you out,
the more interested they will become. It's a natural response, and
is as totally reflexive as blinking. Or breathing.
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a second. Leave her wondering and wanting to know more. That
way, she will be more willing to see you again. If only to finally get
the answers to the questions she has about you!
And this is a habit that should continue well past your initial date.
Don't think that once you get to the second date, you can suddenly
bare your soul to this woman. You do that, you destroy that tension
and air of mystery, and likely with it, any chance for another date.
Yes, you will eventually reveal more of yourself to her, but it should
be done over time. In normal conversation in the early going of
your relationship, try to keep the conversation largely focused on
them and keep that tension between the two of you going for as
long as possible.
Keep the playful mocking and jesting to things that will make her
laugh. Joke about beating her at stuff. Keep it fun and keep it light.
If she mentions that she plays tennis, joke with her, tell her that
you could totally kick her butt at the game – even if you've never
picked up a racket it your life.
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Make it an ongoing joke, too, something that is shared just
between the two of you with the plans that one day, you'll play
against each other and finally prove who's really the best at Mario
Kart or Monopoly or whatever it is you can challenge her at.
Don't ever throw a game, but win, lose, whatever – it really doesn't
matter. What matters is the tension you build between yourselves
leading up to the game.
See, all of this builds tension, but a good sort of tension that leads
to excitement and a shared bond. And shared bonds can lead to
wonderful, lasting relationships.
Besides, it's give you something to talk about on future dates!
Before that point though, you run the risk of revealing too much
and letting her discover something about you that hits her the
wrong way, something she doesn't like. In the early stages of
dating, it's easier for her to walk away over a minor flaw she
discovers because you said too much, too soon.
You might have thought you were impressing her by talking about
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how great you are with your nieces and nephews, but she may
have interpreted it to mean that you were looking forward to
having kids of your own – and perhaps she knows that children are
not in the cards for her.
You might not have meant to do it, but you may have given her a
sign that you two are not on the same page and that things
between you don't have long term potential. Without intending to,
you may have just shut things down entirely by saying far too
much, far too soon.
And whatever you do, never, ever talk about the past. Avoid talking
about the past like the plague, keep the focus on the present, and
mainly on her. Don't mention your ex-girlfriends, ex-wives, or ex-
anybodies.
If she asks about women you've been with, simply shrug and just
mention that it's in the past and that you're over it. Don't go into
details about who broke up with who and why. She doesn't need
the sordid details, and in fact, it just gives her more reason to think
something is wrong with you.
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The more you talk about them, the more you give her reason to
worry that maybe you're hung up on your ex. Just tell her you
prefer to leave the past in the past.
The same goes with family woes, political views, and religious
topics in the early stages of a relationship. Sure, one day, you will
get around to talking about those things, but as with everything
else we've discussed, the early dates are most definitely not the
time for them.
Same goes with political views – you will have an easier time dating
somebody with conflicting political viewpoints once a bond
develops between you.
In time, you can bring these items up with her. And that's part of
the fun of dating, too. Discovering things about one another is a
fun experience, and it's one that shouldn't be rushed, either. Relish
in that time of bonding, stretch it out.
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Not only will it make you seem more mysterious, it'll extend the
new relationship energy that forms just as you get to know a
person.
Besides, the more she tries to figure you out and learn about you,
the more she thinks about you. The more she thinks about you, the
more likely a solid attraction will form between you two.
Just like Scott and Amy, if you do everything we've suggested in this
manual, you'll find that women will come back to you.
Had Scott laid everything out on the table from the first time they
met at that party, chances are, Amy would have discovered
something she didn't like about him and they never would have
spoken to one another again.
But instead, Scott sat back and continued letting Amy do most of
the talking while he did most of the playing. He kept the focus on
her, never said too much, always played the part of the interviewer,
asking about her life and her hobbies while also challenging her to
things he knew she'd enjoy.
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And voila, like that, she was intrigued.
After all, she'd never experienced anything like she did with Scott
before. A lot men like to talk about themselves. A lot. They like to
talk and brag about the stuff they own, their jobs – And Scott
listened to her, wanted to talk about her, and seemed genuinely
interested in learning about her.
And the more Amy wondered about Scott, the more she tried to
figure him out, the more she wanted to know. So she spent more
and more time with him, going on date after date, hoping that
eventually he'd open up to her. And he did – eventually.
Amy wasn't sure where to start! But she started by asking him
where he grew up and if he was close to his family. Deeming this to
be a safe subject, Scott opened up, told Amy that he grew up not
far from where he lived now, and that his parents were still alive
and they talked often.
Simple, but it made her feel closer to him now that he opened up
to her. She felt like he was finally letting her in, and that's a feeling
most women can appreciate.
You see, women like it when a man opens up over time. They love
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unraveling the mystery, relishing in discovering things about a
person.
She found out his plans for the future, and what he really does
while he's at the office all day (mostly play games on his phone
while checking the time clock every 15 minutes).
She was excited to learn just a little bit more about this mysterious
man who was so interested in her life, who found her mesmerizing
but couldn't explain why.
Not just in the context of their new relationship, but also in the
bedroom. Their playful, friendly taunting led them to tease each
other in bed as well – And that could never be considered a bad
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thing.
In the end, Scott finally found the woman for him, the woman he'd
been looking for seemingly for his entire life. All it took was some
patience and the willingness to listen and learn about her, all while
opening himself up slowly, over time, rather than all at once.
And if you listen to this advice and apply it to your life, you can also
find the girl of your dreams – and if you do it right, she may even
go out with you.
Not only that, but flirtatious tension also lends itself to some hot
bedroom action... so it's a win-win.
You'll finally get the girl of your dreams, and you'll have fun too.
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