“I’m still not where I want to be.

”: The Communication Challenges of Moving Cross-

Country

Keeping Up With The COMdashians

Jilly DiMartino

Jill Garnett

Christine Morris

Kirsten Starkloff

Department of Communication Studies, The University of North Carolina Wilmington

COM 200 Section 001: Research Methods

Dr. Rick Olsen

February 25, 2022

 “I’m still not where I want to be.”: The Communication Challenges of Moving Cross-
Country

When enduring a move, especially across the country, there are many elements of one’s

life that are impacted both negatively and positively. Jill moved from California to North

Carolina in a cross-country move with her parents at 23 years old. Communication methods and

techniques are often shaken due to being forced to adapt and mentally adjust to being in a new

environment. Studies on moving and mental health suggest that “children who move homes

report poorer mental health than those who remain residentially stable” (Morris, 2017). Mental

struggles certainly impact how an individual communicates. A move can cause communication

struggles, general anxiety, social anxiety, depression and other mental health struggles, similar to

those our interviewee, Jill, experienced.

Social anxiety is often a result of a move, as one’s life is uprooted and moved, yet their

friend's and family members linger behind. This can cause a newly relocated individual to face

feelings of anxiety when in new environments. In an article on moving and mental health, it is

found that moving often can create a struggle to accept new relationships, as one may fear that

these new relationships could end ("How Moving", 2018). This article continues to state that

many individuals who move create a mental and emotional distance, which can cause the

development of social anxiety or even just anxiety as a whole which can create a decline in one's

communication. In the interview, we uncover details about Jill's move and her experiences with

social anxiety and acclimating to a new communicative environment.

 Findings

In the interview, our group aimed to answer some questions about communication

challenges as a result of moving that have not been researched much in the past. Our group

learned after research and conducting an interview with Jill, a 23 year old who moved from

California to North Carolina, that a cross-country move would come with multiple different

communication challenges in different forms. Throughout our interview, we were able to identify

a few of these challenges.

Cultural Differences and Norms

One of the first aspects we aimed to gain insights on was the differences in cultural

communication from North Carolina to California. Being on opposite coasts, North Carolina and

California had many differences in communication norms that Jill was able to identify for our

group. Much of the communication culture in North Carolina was learned and created through

interaction, which Jill was not familiar with. By interviewing Jill, we gained valuable insight on

being an 'outsider' to this culture, and what kind of communication processes she experienced

and used to adjust to life in North Carolina. Navigating these cultural differences and norms are

part of what made integration into her new community more difficult. According to research

done on cross-cultural communication, it can be complex because of "slang, technical jargon,

innuendo, and double meanings" that make miscommunication and confusion common in these

situations ("Cross-Cultural", n.d.). This also played a role in Jill's internal dialogue as she felt

that she needed to "take an observant role rather than a participant role" in order to learn the

communication culture and norms of her new surroundings. When asked to give examples of the

cultural differences she experienced, Jill could provide many illustrations. One of the main

differences between North Carolina and California, as told by Jill, was how socialization was
more formal in North Carolina. Jill describes that in California, communication was very

relaxed, that there she rarely experienced any formal introductions. She stated that in North

Carolina, she was shocked by the differences in formality, and specifically stated that there was

"a change in communication as a whole". Some examples that Jill mentioned are the changes in

body language and greetings that made it obvious to her whether people were friends, family, or

acquaintances. One specific cultural difference that was noted by Jill was the presence of more

morals and values in North Carolina. She described this difference as "southern charm" which is

a term many use to refer to Southerners as being witty and friendly with anyone who crosses

their path.

Adjusting to the New Culture

Jill described that she felt like an outsider, and wanted to immerse. To adjust to these

changes, Jill felt she had become hyper-focused on her actions, what she did, and what she said.

She felt she had to be aware of these things as she was not yet familiar with the norms of the

community, and didn't want "room for error". In an article examining group norms, it is noted

that 'group norms' are expectations between group members on the correct way to act,

specifically, what the acceptable behaviors in a group are (Mclean and Venditti, 2014). This

information is relevant in a community context as well, and Jill was unaware of the norms in her

new community, causing her to feel the need to be cautious in her interactions. She also

described how she felt she had to adjust her clothing style, and be aware that there was a "time

and place" for certain attire. She found that in North Carolina, "self expression wasn't as open

and fluid". Many times she felt she had to ask herself whether she was dressed appropriately,

when she had not had to do that previously in California. This says a lot about the differences in

non-verbal cues, such as clothing, that Jill was able to discern between North Carolina and
California. When around groups of people, Jill observed carefully the topics of discussion and

content of the conversations. She stated earlier in the interview that she didn't know how to start

conversations with others as she had trouble identifying any mutual topics of interest to discuss.

Jill relays that she now feels well adjusted to communication culture in North Carolina. She

states that immersing herself in the lifestyle and paying attention she found it easier to adjust to

the new norms. To aid in this, she attended what she described as "native" events, tried to make

connections in the community, and permanently established a home in North Carolina.

Communication Challenges with Social Anxiety

Research on anxiety's association with interpersonal and intercultural communication

practices finds that "managing uncertainty and anxiety are central processes that affect our

communication with strangers" (Duronto, Nishida, & Nakayama, 2005). In the interview, it

became apparent that many of the struggles Jill experienced during her integration into her new

community involved heavy internal dialogue stemming from her anxiety. Jill said in our

interview that she’d been aware of her mental health struggles before her move, but the move

had caused her to have further struggles with social anxiety that impacted her integration and in

turn, the way she perceived and communicated. When moving, Jill felt that she had put her

mental health on the 'back-burner' and states that she used all the tasks of settling into her new

house and community as a distraction from what was her new reality. As a result, Jill felt that

once all those things were done and she was settling in she realized that her mental health was

struggling because of the move. During our interview, while learning about this period of Jill's

life, when she had just moved, was struggling mentally, and attempting to settle in her new

environment, it was observed that these aspects changed the way that Jill was attempting to

socialize. One particular detail that our group picked up on was how much of Jill's
communication challenges involved internal dialogue with herself. For example, when Jill was

asked about what factors made integration into a new place easier or more difficult, Jill focused

on the fact that she felt everyone around her was already established in the community. She also

spoke about feeling that she was too old to be starting over in a new place at the age of 23. She

described that she felt that she "was at that pivotal age, where this move is going to make or

break things". Looking at this from an outside perspective, it was fairly clear that this was a

mental block for Jill in her attempt to make new friends and find her place in the new

community. Jill described not wanting to "re-brand" herself, yet realizing that she had what she

perceived as blank canvas. She put pressure on herself to make friends and get involved in the

community. She relayed that she felt that this pressure was coming from her parents, but later

realized that it wasn't her parents who were putting pressure on her, but herself. Jill stated that, "I

was putting non-existent pressures on myself, that I felt they had, because I wanted to prove to

myself that the move was the right call, and that I could grow and thrive the way I could have in

California." As stated before, this is a primary illustration of how Jill's internal dialogue and

communication with herself, caused by her social anxiety with the move, served to hinder her

development in the community and communication with new people around her. She stated in

the interview that because of the pressures she was putting on herself, she would take many of

the emotions manifested from this thought-process out on her family members, as they were her

only outlet at the time.

Interviewee Reflection

Even though it was easy for me to open up and share my general experience with my

group members, I found it very frustrating because I could not fully convey my past experience

or recount the details since I am now a different person, more evolved and more aware. More
specifically, I could not put myself back in those shoes of the past and therefore, duplicating the

emotional experience of that time was problematic. In fact, it almost seemed artificial to

associate the emotional baggage with the past experience, since my emotional state has morphed.

This struggle was due to the utilization of Contrast questions, which, “help understand the

differences between and the relative importance of informants’ concepts” (Treadwell, 2017, p.

263). Although I was frustrated with my lack of emotional connection, I now realize that this is

evidence of my growth as a communicator. I recognize there will always be some level of social

anxiety present, however it’s comforting to know that over time you can effectively manage it.

Overall, it’s thanks to my group members’ patience and comfort that made for a positive and

productive experience.

Group Reflection: The Research Process

Before beginning the official interview, we told Jill that if there was ever a moment that

she needed to take a break or that she felt uncomfortable, to tell us right away so we can change

directions or stop the interview. Our main goal before we began was to make sure Jill felt

comfortable in her environment, especially because this is a very personal topic for her. In the

future I think it would be best to offer an option of anonymity because of this topic. Jill was very

open about this topic which was very helpful to the interview process. However, this is also a

very personal topic to speak about, and making it anonymous could help to make her feel more

comfortable. We conducted this interview over zoom with Jill being our interviewee. At the

time, having the interview over zoom was our best option for all group members. Though, next

time it may be better to have it in person because it could give Jill a more welcoming feeling, and

we could possibly get different results. Assigning each group member a different role was very

helpful in conducting this interview. Since we had the interviewer focus on asking the questions
and participating in the conversation, it allowed her to fully engage and be in the moment. Thus,

making Jill feel more comfortable, as if it was a normal conversation. During that, the observers

were taking descriptive notes of the comments that were being made and the interaction as a

whole. This was very helpful, because they were able to completely focus on that and give a

different perspective on the interview.

Conclusion

After interviewing our group member, Jill Garnett, and conducting research as a group,

we have concluded that we all learned that communication is largely impacted and even altered

when moving. Key factors that contribute to why communication is impacted by a move include

mental health struggles such as anxiety, having to learn new ways to communicate with those left

behind, and also having to adapt to the unfamiliar ways of communication in a new environment.

In Jill’s experience, she instantly noticed a change in the dialogue and communication styles of

Californians and North Carolinians. Jill experienced a change in cultural communication and

norms, as well as changes in her internal dialogue that she had to learn to navigate. Throughout

the research process, we were able to identify the specific ways in which these changes

influenced Jill's struggles with social anxiety and integration when it came to communicating in

her new environment.

Jill did a wonderful job throughout her interview of opening up about her move, mental

health, and the ways that she had to adapt not only her personal life, but her communication

methods as a new North Carolina resident. Throughout the interview, our observers, interviewee,

and interviewer were able to make a strong connection between the ways that a cross-country

move can create struggles with mental health, internal dialogue, and communication processes.

In Jill’s situation, she became more socially anxious to meet new people and initiate
communication with them due to a fear of not fitting into her new environment. Jill did state that

her fear was eventually diminished and she became more familiar with the communication

norms in the community. Due to this, Jill was able to quickly meet friend's, start over, and grow

in her communication style to be a more open and outgoing individual.

 References

Cross Cultural Communication. (2017). International Institute of Minnesota.

https://iimn.org/publication/finding-common-ground/culture-at-work/cross-cultural-

communication/

Duronto, P. M., Nishida, T., Nakayama, S. (2005). Uncertainty, Anxiety, and Avoidance in

Communication with Strangers. International Journal of Intercultural Relations, 29 (5),

549-560. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0147176705001100

How moving affects your mental health? (2018, July 3). Movers Development.

https://moversdev.com/how-moving-affects-your-mental-health/.

Mclean, S., & Venditti, P. (2014). An Introduction to Group Communication. WCC Library.

https://textbooks.whatcom.edu/duttoncmst101/chapter/group-norms/

Morris, T., Manley, D., Northstone, K., & Sabel, C. E. (2017). How do moving and other major

life events impact mental health? A longitudinal analysis of UK children. Health &

Place, 46, 257–266. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.healthplace.2017.06.004

Treadwell, D. (2020). Introduction to communication research: Paths of inquiry (4th ed.). Los

Angeles: Sage. https://bookshelf.vitalsource.com/books/9781506369044.

 Appendix
Ice Breakers:

● What year of school are you in now?

● Do you like school?

● Do you like your major?

Introductory: Address the topic

● Knowledge: Where did you move from?

● Knowledge: How old were you when you moved?

● Knowledge: Who moved with you?

Transitions: Move into key questions

● Knowledge: When did you first become aware of your mental wellness?

● Local Knowledge: Did you seek to make new friends and build your community

immediately after moving?

● Behavior: Is there anything that others did to make you feel welcome or unwelcome in

your new environment?

● Experience: Did the stressors of moving have an impact on how effectively you

communicated in your new environment?

● Opinion: Did you find it easy or difficult to integrate into your new environment?

● Experience: What factors made integration easier or more difficult?

Key: Questions at the heart of study

● Local Knowledge: In what ways did your mental health affect your communication

skills with other people? (Duronto, Nishida, & Nakayama, 2005, 549-560).
 ● Contrast: Are there any specific changes in communication norms that you found more

difficult to adjust to in your new environment? ("Cross Cultural Communication", 2017).

● Experience: Were there any specific external factors that influenced your

communication choices while or after moving?

● Structural: How did you navigate the changes in cultural communication and

communication norms when you moved to a new place? (Mclean and Venditti, 2014).

Ending Questions: Summary

● Do you feel that you have adjusted completely to your new environment now?

● Do you feel like you were able to relay all the information you wanted to?

● Is there anything else you would like to add?