Here are some signs and patterns you can expect in this kind of affair: 1.

Expect that your spouse will have a very powerful attachment to the other person. The other person will consistently be on her mind. Your spouse will shift energy away from you, the children, the household and her career to her affair relationship. She will be focused, but not on you. Your spouse will attempt to push you away by avoiding you, ignoring you, closing off communication or walking away. 2. The affair will most likely be a long-term affair. It will be very difficult for your spouse to walk away from the other person. He may try on a number of occasions but will continue to gravitate back to the other person. He will hold on tenaciously. This is probably the first or only affair for your spouse. Your spouse is not interested in playing or fooling around but powerfully attaching to the other person. The other person is the savior! 3. Dont believe that the affair was planned before hand because of a bad marriage. These affairs usually just happen. They usually happen with someone in close proximity: co-worker, neighbor, friend (frequently of friends with whom you socialize), etc. The other person is usually the aggressor, your spouse lacking the confidence to seek out the affair. The rationale that it happened because of a lousy marriage comes after the affair is in bloom. 4. The more you try to persuade, convince or pursue, the more strongly he will attach to the other person. He will perceive your efforts as weakness and will want to attach more intently to the other person whom he (at perhaps an unconscious level) deems to be the powerful and loving answer-to-all. 5. Efforts to use moral or religious arguments to call a halt to the affair will be strongly resisted. Your spouse is not guided by rightness or wrongness. These standards have not been internalized and do not carry much weight, especially when it comes to the important chunks of her life. The actions and thoughts of your spouse primarily originate from her need to attach to another person. Any behavior or concept that serves the purpose of maintaining the attachment will be valued. Others are discarded. 6.Expect you will spend a significant amount of time and emotional energy in the next 2 to 4 years (especially if there are children) attempting to resolve the relationship. By resolve, I mean, coming to a point where each of you are fairly free of the emotional entanglement that holds you together and generates the pain and fear. It will be important for you to resolve the relationship whether you continue to be married or separate and divorce.

Signs of an Affair - A Cheating Husband I know that it can be devastating for any wife to find out about a cheating husband, especially if you have adorable kids. However, you need to treat this situation very carefully and cautiously. First understand the situation, its gravity, its sensitivity and then look for some signs of an affair. The first and fore most sign that your husband is cheating is that he will change and upgrade his looks. He might even go shop for new clothes and accessories. The choice of these new clothes and accessories will seem very odd, considering his usual preferences. In such cases you must know that he might be having an emotional affair, which is wrong and also a part of an extramarital affair. An emotional affair might also be carried on with the help of the Internet. To trace if your husband is having an affair, through the Internet, is very simple. Look for some suspicions and unnatural actions while he is using the personal computer. For example, he would sit in the corner, or with his back facing the wall. He might also, unnecessarily start working on the computer under the excuse of 'office work'. According to many councilors who work in the field of affairs, a cheating husband is likely to purchase new clothes, especially underwear. Another method to know if your husband is cheating on you is to look out for what I call is 'anger' schedule. If your husband is really cheating on you then he would reduce the length of conversations with you. It might also happen that he would not talk about his small grievances with you or would stop conversing about things like love, romance and relationships in general. A very common give away is a drastic and odd change in sex life. A cheating husband either refuses to have sex or suddenly wants to have sex more often. If your husband is really cheating on you, then there is a fair chance that you will find unexplained scratches and small scars on his body. Some of the common signs of an affair also include, a drastic and unexplained change in attitude. Many a times, a cheating husband may also open up a different email account and not tell you, or stay in the office, for a longer period of time or he might also start losing his patience easily in his family life. However, wait for a solid proof before a confrontation, the best way is to catch him red handed. Also believe your sixth sense and think a lot before taking any decision. Most important of all, analyze the situation and then make a move, because if your husband is not really cheating on you, then a confrontation may get some bitterness in your relation that may never heal.

Here are some of the common signs of infidelity. The most common situation in which infidelity takes place is if an opportunity presents itself business trips with colleagues, car pools, meetings at a gym. More time spent away from home, frequent absences - shopping, conferences, seminars, business trips, fishing, working late, trips to places where the spouse will be not able to be contacted Lack of interest in sex and avoiding sex using ridiculous reasons Distraction, daydreaming, disorganization Evenings out with the girls or with poker buddies. The spouse is not included. Secrecy the spouse turns off the computer monitor when someone enters the room or goes

outdoors or to another room to talk on the phone. Late night computer use High phone bills Secret credit cards Checks up on the spouse to make sure he/she wont be checking on the cheater High mileage on the car or not enough mileage on the car when he/she was supposed to be going a long distance Refuses rides to or pickups from the airport Clothes smell of a perfume or after shave of the opposite sex Spouse brings home clean laundry Spouse returns from work in different clothes Unexplained credit card charges or payments on the bank statement, unexplained receipts Credit card charges made in town when he/she was supposedly out of town Secret withdrawals of money or secret credit cards Less money deposited from a paycheck into a joint bank account Many, long phone calls Has a secret cell phone or unknown numbers stored Has a secret e-mail address and account Deletion of e-mail messages, phone messages, etc. Has a special friend of the opposite sex The innocent spouse receives special gifts or flowers for no reason. The cheating partner suspects his/her partner and acts accusatory, due to his/her own guilt. Has deposit slips for someone elses bank account Loans money for unusual reasons or lies about where money went Carries someone elses house keys or garage door opener Makes drastic and wide-ranging efforts to lose weight, buy sexy underwear, color hair, and improve wardrobe, grooming and hygiene Makes a change in attitude, usually perceived as not caring as much about the spouse or not making an effort within the relationship Refuses to talk about extramarital affairs or people he/she once showed interest in Suddenly has many new friends and hangouts Not being where he/she said he/she would be Cryptic remarks made by friends (They are hints.) Removal of the kids toys and car seats from the car Items in the car do not belong to anyone in the family Gets a sexually transmitted disease Has a change in body odor Strange personal items are found in the home when the spouse has been away sometimes left on purpose by the cheaters lover for the spouse to find Hidden gifts or cards dont show up on holidays or birthdays (Check car trunks and the garage, tool boxes, sanitary napkin boxes.) Has cyber sex or meets people in person from chat rooms Shows uncomfortable behavior around a friend or neighbor of the opposite sex, ignores the person. Avoids work colleagues when accompanied by the spouse

SIGNS OF INFIDELITY 1. Number one on the signs of infidelity list is when a spouse becomes emotionally distant, withdrawn or depressed. Most of those who had been cheated on reported this behavior. "He became selfabsorbed," one woman told us, "living as if he was single with his own agenda and plans. He became more and more disinterested in me, our family, our friends and our daily needs." Another explained, "His attitude towards me changed gradually, from being an average attentive husband to nearly ignoring me completely towards the end." One man reported, "She showed no interest in improving our marriage. When I tried to show her affection she would not let me, especially not in public. Since the other man traveled in our circle of friends, I later realized she did not want the other man to see her being warm towards me." 2. The second most prominently reported of the signs of infidelity was the fact that the unfaithful spouse became angry, critical and even at times cruel. 70% of those surveyed reported this sign often coupled with emotional and verbal abuse, constant put downs and little to no patience. One woman reported, "At the worst point he was more than disrespectful. He was just plain rude, impatient, angry and aggressive. He was constantly picking fights and refused to help out in the home or with our children. Others reported; "She always seemed somewhat angry at me, like I was to blame for something that was happening." "He showed a low tolerance for our children's behavior. He would snap and snarl at everyone!" "He kept picking apart things I did, like the kind of books I read and the food I prepared." Is your spouse often complaining of trivial things? Do you sense unhappiness in your spouse, but you can't explain it or understand it? (And do they refuse to acknowledge it or talk about it when asked?) Do you feel like you can't do anything right? Do you feel like you keep giving and they keep taking yet they are still unhappy? Yes's to these questions are among the signs of infidelity. 3. Third on the list of the signs of infidelity is the issue of control voiced by those who are cheating. Often they complain that their spouses are "controlling", yet they themselves are guilty of attempting to control. One betrayed spouse reported of their straying partner, "She insisted that I give her more space, that I stop smothering her, and give her room to breathe. Another said their unfaithful spouse began to express a "my way or the highway" type of attitude. Dr. James Dobson in his book 'Love Must be Tough', reports that often preceding a spouses affair is a feeling of being 'trapped' in the relationship. Does your spouse complain about being controlled or that they are being watched, even if you ask very little of what they are doing? Or do you feel pressured to do such and such? If you find that 'control' is an ongoing issue in your discussions with your mate your relationship could be at risk. 4. Fourth on the list of the signs of infidelity was a reported increase in working hours, after work meetings, business trips and a need to work out of town for prolonged periods of time. 5. The fifth and cruelest of the signs of infidelity on the list of our survey results (reported by 50% of those who participated) was illness of the one who is faithful. This is often more a contributing factor than a sign, thus the words of the song "You left me, just when I needed you most." One woman's husband moved the other woman into their home, during her brief hospitalization, the result of a chronic illness. Another woman's husband began his affair while she was laid up with knee surgery. Another during three weeks bedridden with a severe case of pneumonia, another in the ninth month of pregnancy (four days prior to giving birth to their child), and another during her period of recovery from a heart attack. Reality in life is often not a pretty picture. Perhaps our society, which promotes a 'Me first - if it feels good do it' philosophy, contributes to this being among the signs of infidelity. Instead of biting the bullet and remaining faithful, many find themselves tempted during these difficult times by a 3rd party who is more than willing to meet their needs while the faithful spouse has been

sideswiped by life. 6. Number six on the list of signs of infidelity was paying extra close attention to their appearance, buying new clothes, losing weight, extra primping, working out at the gym and other sudden fitness endeavors. 7. The seventh of the signs of infidelity was showing more energy and zeal for life, doing things they've never done before or a sudden interest in a new hobby or sport. Interestingly enough this sign was often accompanied by a contrasting lack of energy or depression. "He became withdrawn and seemed to have no energy. He napped or was gone a lot." So zeal for whatever is going on outside the home and lack of zeal for whatever is going on inside the home. "My husband once came home and announced that he was going to a ball game with a buddy. I was only too happy that he was going out to do something really fun with one of his friends. I should have clued in that something was wrong when he added 'It's my turn to do something fun and you can't stop me.' It would never have been my intention to hinder him from having fun. His uncalled for defensiveness, coupled with the extra zeal and enthusiasm for the outing, should have been my clue that his buddy was another woman." 8. Becoming inappropriately defensive when asked questions, was number eight on our list of the signs of infidelity. 9. Signs of Infidelity number nine was becoming extra flirtatious with the opposite sex. One woman reported that it seemed strange the way her husband suddenly greeted other women with a kiss when they were out together visiting friends. (He also became defensive about it when questioned later.) Others reported that their spouse became very defensive about their 'right' to maintain private friendships with the opposite sex. And the faithful spouse was accused of being 'old fashioned' when they justifiably expressed legitimate concerns regarding this potentially hazardous behavior. "She kept telling me that they were 'just friends'. The fact that she continually seemed to need to emphasize it, when I wasn't even asking, should have been an indication to me that something was up." 10. The tenth of the signs of infidelity was an obsessive need for 'private ness' and staying up late at night to work on the computer. When confronted with his excessive late night hours in front of the monitor, one cheater responded "it's none of your business. I'm entitled to my privacy." This is a typical response of an unfaithful spouse. Unfortunately the internet has opened up a whole new way to infidelity. When your spouse suddenly needs a private email or bank account (which they become highly defensive about maintaining) there is a good chance that they are hiding something, and that something is probably marital infidelity. Hiding credit card statements and phone bills are also among the signs of infidelity. Other signs of infidelity included noticing something different in your sex life (better, worse or just different), not always wearing their wedding ring (which they give amazingly believable reasons for), unaccounted for time and being caught lying (which they will explain away with various other reasons). Some people who participated reported noticing strange looks from their spouse, some reported that their spouse was uncomfortable discussing the issue of affairs, and some (definitely not all) reported an intuition that something was wrong. "I felt, call it intuition, that something was wrong but I could not put my finger on it. I would receive trickles of proof or red flags which in and of themselves did not totally make sense and coupled with my denial and my spouses manipulation of the truth it was, as I like to call it, crazy-making. I learned to pay attention to my spouse's behavior and not his words."

Effects of infidelity include: The person who is at the receiving end of the infidelity ends up having a shattered self image/esteem. He/she goes into severe self doubt mode or then tends to indulge in a lot of self blame. Such a person may become extremely depressed and even suicidal. Such an individual may lose complete faith in relationships and also the ability to trust people because of the immense betrayal caused by infidelity. Affairs may lead to a feeling of tremendous insecurity and anger. Without professional help the blame game between the cheating individual and the partner may not cease. Where children are involved, their lives may experience a lot of turmoil and in unfortunate cases they may be used against the cheating partner. The desire to get even with the cheating spouse may be tremendous and this can result in the individual making some irrational decisions. Since infidelity can mean death of the relationship and annihilation of everything trustworthy and sacred, the person at the receiving end of an infidelity may experience a barrage of emotions and may feel like he/she is on some roller coaster ride. Infidelity may result in long drawn out and bitter divorce proceedings and custody battles. Sometimes the effects of infidelity can also be positive. Infidelity in certain cases may force individuals to take a good hard look at themselves and their relationships. It can help them to recognize that they need professional help and if they seek the same it can help them to work through the problems and build an even stronger bond and save the marriage.

The Effects of Divorce On Children These days, it is hard to come by an individual who does not know someone who has been divorced, or who has not been divorced themselves. In Hollywood, divorce is seemingly becoming a common occurence, while paving the way for a society where we're not only getting married later in life, but also searching for an almost unrealistic level of happiness in our marriage. Many couples considering divorce refuse to believe that divorce can have a negative effect on their children. But many studies have been conducted that prove otherwise. A long term study released in 2002 by the Institute for American Values found that "unhappily married adults who divorced were no more likely to report emotional or psychological improvements than those who stayed married. According to this study, divorce does in fact NOT improve your emotional health. I think it would be safe to assume that this is due to the stress and financial burden divorce inflicts upon couples. Here's another fact you might not know...

The Institute for American Values study found that almost eight out of 10 couples who avoided divorce were happily married five years later. Surprising, isn't it? Half of all American children will witness the breakup of a parent's marriage. Of these, close to half will also see the breakup of a parent's second marriage." (Furstenberg, Peterson, Nord, and Zill, "Life Course") Many couples divorce, and then remarry without knowing the true cause of their marriage problems in the first marriage. This is why the second marriage divorce rate is even higher than that of the first marriage!

Here's are some statistics specifically about the effects of divorce on children... - Studies in the early 1980's showed that children in repeat divorces earned lower grades and their peers rated them as less pleasant to be around. - Forty percent of children growing up in America today are being raised without their fathers. - Teenagers in single-parent families and in blended families are three times more likely to need psychological help within a given year. - Compared to children from homes disrupted by death, children from divorced homes have more psychological problems.

How Infidelity Affects Children Children are forced to pick sides when they see that their family is being torn apart. In many cases the parent that was cheated on puts added pressure on them to choose their side. Often they are coached and almost forced to hate the parent that strayed. No child should ever be subjected to that kind of pressure! In a childs eye they want to see their parents as the perfect parents, and when the relationship doesnt work this is a subconscious message to them that relationships dont work. Again, there future relationships are at a disadvantage. The children will experience an emotional tidal wave of feelings. They may feel angry, isolated, alone, ashamed, bewildered, scared, resentful, and they will certainly have a lack of trust towards their parents. Because after all, they were the ones that let them down. Concentration may diminish. Effects of this may be noticed in their school work, or even their favorite sport.