Journaling for ptsd and embodiment

I deliberately journaled in order to analyze and record my body sensations for this essay. I want to write
five journal entries to capture this event. I will analyze my physical experiences while journaling through
this. This essay will follow a format that includes outlining the background information and mentioning
my expectations for the experience. Journal entries and a further explanation of bodily experiences will
come after this.

I wanted to keep a journal, but I couldn't bring myself to put my thoughts again in such a vulnerable way.
I kept worrying that someone may snoop into my head or breach my privacy. Although I tried to put
down my thoughts, my pen seemed stuck. My thoughts and sentiments become increasingly clogged as
a result of the ideas that I shouldn't keep them to myself because other people can access them as well.
This experience has compelled me to abandon my deep, thoughtful, intimate way of using writing to
examine my feelings, body, and thoughts.

I started going to therapy for the first time in 2022. My therapist and I used mindfulness to guide our
conversations after I was initially diagnosed with sadness and anxiety. Breathing exercises, meditation,
and journaling are just a few techniques to become more aware of your body. Acts of mindfulness did
not involve journaling because of my clouded memory of it. The idea of journaling felt ominous and
evasive.Ievasive. I used talk therapy more often, venting to friends and family about what bothered me.
Holding a space for myself on paper seemed illusive and far away. I was given a PTSD diagnosis in 2023 as
a result of an upsetting event. I then discussed journaling with a psychotherapist, who said that it was
one of the ways to combat ptsd .

According to Ashfield (2021)Post2021) Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) describes the experience of
heightened psychological distress following exposure to a threatening or catastrophic event” (Ashfield
et.al , 2021:287). I started to see ptsd as an adaptive response to being in an unsafe setting after coping
with the experience of having it for a number of sessions. The purpose of blogging about these
experiences, according to the psychologist, is to reopen the pathways that were shut down by
trumatrauma, which puts the body in a condition of fight, flight, or freeze. I found that having ptsd made
me hyperactive, sensitive, and less tolerant of things like loud noises and outward appearances in my
immediate environment. "Difficulties in emotional regulation, relationship issues, alterations in
attention and consciousness (e.g., dissociation), negatively affected belief systems, and somatic distress"
are symptoms of PTSD that are followed by these struggles. (Ashfield et.al , 2021:287). Days would go by
when I would not remember the terrible incident that caused my ptsd, but my body would.

Our ability to think clearly, process our emotions, and even speak about what is bothering us is trimmed
down as a result of this deregulation, according to neuroplacisity, which explains that the more brain
pathways we use, the more they grow and the more we don't use certain pathways, they get trimmed
down. According to Deppermann et al. (2014 page number), "stress is one of the most important
promoters to induce neuroplastic alterations within the brain because of its role in maintaining
homeostasis.. Under some circumstances, these stress-induced changes can also have adverse
implications and can lead to dysfunctional behavior." Therefore, when my psychologist offered
journaling, my initial reaction was that I didn't understand why it would be suggested as a method to
open these pathways.

I made the decision to set up a space for journaling using components of my daily routine that gave me
peace of mind on my first entry. On my balcony, I set up a quiet area where I could relax with tea and
incense. According to Ullrich and Lutgendorff (2002) “In addition, it has been proposed that expressing
trauma-related emotions in a safe environment enhances feelings of control and mastery over the
traumatic event” (Ullrich and Lutgendorf, 2002:244). The first time I tried to write, it was really difficult. I
kept looking at the page for almost fifteen minutes. My thoughts were racing, and I could feel my body
getting more tense. I was unable to express my feelings in writing since I was unsure of how I was feeling
for some reason. He found that his ptsd experience and the new motivation for journaling were highly
alien. I made the decision to play the music I had chosen to listen to the day after this experience in
order to rekindle my emotions. A feeling of melancholy swept over me as I sat and listened. My throat
tightened. Tears streamed down my face as my brain replayed the pain, and I felt like my body was
vibrating or shaking. My tummy was where I felt this the most. I also observed that my breathing
became deeper and that I was able to capture my first emotion on paper.

After writing my second entry, I chose to use a table style to process this experience because I felt very
uncomfortable writing freely at the time. My psychologist came up with the idea for the table, which had
categories for feelings, messages, and resolutions. My body felt both lighter and heavier when I was able
to record these messages..messages. According to Ullrich and Lutgendorf (2002) “emotional arousal in
response to written disclosure may not be a significant predictor of greater understanding of a traumatic
event …written disclosure may be most beneficial if the disclosure experience evokes emotional
responses while also facilitating cognitive processing” .(Ullrich and Lutgendorf, 2002:244). Fear was
among the feelings that surfaced. After approximately two attempts at using a table and writing my ptsd,
I changed my approach. I altered my course because I felt confined by the table. It felt imprisoned and
too small for me to write in; I was still unwilling to face the reality of my ordeal.

In my third attempt at journaling, I eased myself into addressing the trauma since it felt too simple to do
so right away. Instead, I described and attempted to make sense of the experience. I had the image of
question marks in my thoughts. Journaling that emphasizes positive emotion expression and cognitive
processing, or attempts to comprehend and make sense of a traumatic occurrence, may be more
beneficial than journaling that emphasizes negative emotion expression .(Ullrich and Lutgendorf,
2002:244) . I saw that I used all caps when I wrote about that particular episode. Some entries will
resemble a long, comma-filled sentence with brief, precise accounts of occurrences. Writing certain
entries took longer than others.

When I was writing in my journal for the fourth time, I began to reflect about the experience and what
about it really troubled me. I was brutally honest with myself in this entry. When writing became
difficult, I found that I began to self-soothe by massaging the traumatic impact sites on my head, neck,
stomach, and wrist. I then allowed myself to be overcome by yet another emotional wave while trying to
be more aware of my thoughts and just observe and record them. This time, the words came more
freely, and I was able to write up to three pages. This was a significant improvement as I was only able to
record entries that were 1.5 pages long.

I expected to exert even more effort in my fifth attempt. After my counseling appointment, I began
keeping a notebook. We were able to journal together throughout this session. I experienced the same
tightness in my chest when opening out to someone else. I had a strained voice as I read my journal
writings aloud. I didn't physically feel as anxious, though. However, I noticed that I was using my hands
much more often. I made the decision to write down my experiences in this notebook after that therapy
session. I believe that since these entries, my mental health has significantly improved. Your entire brain
is engaged while you read. According to Pennbaker ‘the act of writing accesses your left brain, which is
analytical and rational. While your left brain is occupied, your right brain is free to create, intuit and
feel.”(Purcell, 2006) You can access your vocalization muscle, which is connected to your heart, by
writing from your truths. People who have gone through trauma have blockages in their heart chakras.
Writing out our truths on purpose enables us to release energy.

My reflections on this experiment have led me to the conclusion that journaling does not adequately
enable me to assemble my ideas. It doesn't only make me a little more organized or imaginative. Writing
in a journal is like talking to myself while also listening to what I'm saying. “Research indicates that
people are able to improve first when they are able to talk about the trauma , and improve further when
they are able to write about the trauma .”(FAANP, 2008) .Writing in your journal is a private, intimidating
process. You can feel it in your body when you take the time to experience it.I later discovered that the
reason I was experiencing these flashbacks and trauma in my body as though it were happening again
right now was because my nervous system's overall function had been completely altered by the
hormone overflow that had put me in a constant state of sympathetic stress that would leave me
exhausted and susceptible to depression. Writing in my journal has helped me to comprehend ptsd as a
structural trauma and to recuperate from an overstimulated, dysregulated nervous system.

In conclusion , my relationship with journaling has been renewed . I have embodied the act of
journaling , by processing my ptsd . This has allowed me to view this experience through a different lens ,
and allowed me to capture this experience through a diagnosis . I found that this experience has allowed
me to feel and process feelings and emotions through journaling . This was done through 5 journal
entries . The effects of ptsd aproduced some feelings in my body that was unknown to me . My
relationship with processing my emotions has improved traumatically .

So what does all of this have to do with the concept of embodiment? You haven’t drawn on any
anthropological literature at all. What did you learn to embody> Did you discover anything about
what you have already embodied?
References

Ashfield, E., Chan, C. and Lee, D., 2021. Building ‘a compassionate armour’: The journey to develop
strength and self‐compassion in a group treatment for complex post‐traumatic stress disorder.
Psychology and Psychotherapy: Theory, Research and Practice, 94, pp.286-303.

Deppermann, S., Storchak, H., Fallgatter, A.J. and Ehlis, A.C., 2014. Stress-induced neuroplasticity:(Mal)
adaptation to adverse life events in patients with PTSD–A critical overview. Neuroscience, 283, pp.166-
177.

Ullrich, P.M. and Lutgendorf, S.K., 2002. Journaling about stressful events: Effects of cognitive processing
and emotional expression. Annals of Behavioral Medicine, 24(3), pp.244-250.

Usset, T.J., Butler, M. and Harris, J.I., 2021. Building spiritual strength: A group treatment for
posttraumatic stress disorder, moral injury, and spiritual distress.

Purcell, M., 2006. The health benefits of journaling. Psych Central.

FAANP, C.F.B. and CNS-BC, B.R.D.N.M., 2008. Scrapbooking and journaling interventions for chronic
illness: a triangulated investigation of approaches in the treatment of PTSD. Kansas Nurse, 83(3), p.6.