#Dearme

My biggest fear is to disappoint someone I care about. Growing up, I was constantly
given praise for how “good” I was. I grew dependent on the approval of all the people in my life.
Mental health and trauma stopped me in my tracks at 14 and prevented me from performing at
my best. Not only was I dealing with my problems, but I was also dealing with the
overwhelming feeling of being a failure to the people I loved. This mix of need for approval and
fear of failure has caused me to have some unhealthy habits when it comes to prioritizing
responsibilities. In a letter, I would tell my younger self to always put your family above other
people because it will improve my quality of life, decrease strain on all my relationships, and
because I am replaceable to other people.
The first part of the message I would write to myself would be putting family above other
responsibilities improves the quality of my life. When my family is cared for, I can be at peace. I
can have less anxiety of being a failure. When I prioritize family, I know that they are getting all
the support they need from me. When I put family first, I can perform better at my other
responsibilities. At work I am not worried about them. I can give other people the attention they
need because I know my family is not in need of attention. When my family is my priority, I can
lean on them even more. I will have more support. We will have closer and healthier
relationships. Taking care of my family improves the quality of my life because I have peace of
mind, have the strength to perform better at other responsibilities, and a better support group.
The second topic I would write to myself is that focusing on family decreases the strain on all
my relationships. When my family is taken care of, I can be present. When I know my family
needs me, I feel like I am failing them and often that causes me to act callused towards them.
When my family is prioritized, I treat people outside of my family better. Focusing on my family
improves my relationship with my husband. If I learned to focus on family sooner, I would have
a better relationship with my husband. Having a stronger relationship with my husband gives me
the mental strength for other relationships. Focusing on family improves my relationship with
my kids. I am more present, loving, and patient. My kids are happiest when they get the most
positive attention. Focusing on my family decreases the strain on all my relationships because
when they are taken care of, I can be present, my relationship with my husband and kids is
improved which allows me to have the mental health to have stronger and better relationships
with those outside my family.
The third topic I would write about to myself would be about how replaceable I am to other
people. In the workplace, if I fail, they can always find someone else to do it. I put so much
effort into my work and end up feeling underappreciated. Even with a good record of
accomplishment, as soon as you start to fail at work, they treat you badly. There is no grace
given to me by my employers. Friends are for now, family is forever. Friends are super important
but do not deserve to be put above family. I am not in regular contact with any of my friends
from high school. Unlike in a friend group, No one can replace me in my family. I am special to
my family. When I fail at being a wife or mother there is always grace given to me. I would
make sure to tell my younger self to not work so hard that I lack energy at home. Everyone is
replaceable outside of their family. In the workplace, they will make you work long hours for
days in a row but if your performance starts to slip, they can replace you quickly. It is vital to
feel important, and your family can be a reliable source of that feeling if you take care of them.
Thus, while it is important to be a hard worker, care about strangers, and to treat your
friends well, I would write to my younger self that putting your family first should be my
priority. I would want to tell myself this because I would have avoided many uncomfortable
periods of time where I was not taking care of my family. In the period where I was failing them,
I had high stress, high anxiety, and I was not capable of performing my best at other
responsibilities. The reason I chose to write to my younger self about family is putting family
above other responsibilities improves the quality of life, focusing on family decreases the strain
on all my other relationships, I am replaceable to all other people in my life.