Kenneth McIntyre

Composition II

Professor Lopez

October 5th, 2023

Zee Paul - Critique Review

Zee, your personal narrative is very strong. The writing is raw and personal. I really enjoy

how zero punches are pulled. The voice of the essay is pretty close to how you talk in real life,

and I think people who don’t know you personally would be able to pick up on that. The

formatting is great. I love how each letter is very different from the others. You can almost pick

up on the personalities of the ‘receivers’ just from how you’re writing to them. The portion

addressed to your dad makes use of moving the lines in a diagonal direction very well. I think

everything inside these letters, information wise, is very important to the overall essay. I know

there is a segment that is missing from my copy, but I didn’t really notice any disruptions in flow

in the area.

With how personal this essay is, I am a little hesitant to recommend any edits, but there

are a few things that may help with your writing. As a reader, there are moments in the essay

where your voice is lost in exposition. That may just be how I interpreted it, but I would

recommend playing with diction in those areas. The letter format is very strong, but I think

they’re missing that final “from so-and-so” portion. There’s a lot of room to play with how you

close the letters and maybe even a ‘P.S’ paragraph.

Overall, I loved your writing. It has a lot of character and allows the reader to slip into a

small section of your mind. I’m very excited to see any future works.