My supreme undesirable distress; haemophobia

We all have certain fears which we try to overcome but fail miserably time and again. It is not
that only certain people have fears, we all suffer from various fears knowingly or
unknowingly. Some realise it quite soon whereas it takes some considerable time to discover
it for others. Without any doubt, you shall not be surprised if you land up having an egg on
your face for these fears. When fear becomes sort of your nightmare you are apt to call it as
a phobia according to my dictionary.

Since my boyhood, my father fostered the habit of writing journals before I retired to bed.
Due to my involvement in mischiefs, I scribbled more in my tiny pad than it was meant for
thereby running out of pages almost every time by the end of the year. Flipping every page
of those pads not only makes me nostalgic but also reminds me how stupid I have been,
which is natural I would say. On many such occasions, I would be pondering, if those events
had not occurred in my life, what I would be like. They shaped me completely.

One such uneasy flash to reminiscence

Playing football still remains to be my favourite activity of all time. As an avid sportsperson, I
never missed my games hour at school in any circumstance. This part of the day aided me
to overcome my stress to a great extent. Whenever I step on the football field, I feel
motivated, cheered, all of my stress fades away. Every football game has its own story
woven in the match and becomes hilarious when things happen a bit more than normal. One
such match to remember took place when I was in grade ten.

As you might have cleverly guessed, it was the rainy season, because interesting football
events take place in the monsoon, especially in India.
The commentator announced “I would like to call Mr Banerjee to declare Inter-House
Football Match 2019 open” followed by a series of applauds from the crowd. I tied my laces
and stepped out of the dressing room sensing the high fervour the audience gathered to
witness. My teammates were patting each other wishing luck. “What if we could not make it?
What if we won? What if the match was drawn?” and dozens of other questions flooded my
mind. I just tried to stay calm and focus on my game, trying to recollect all the techniques the
coach taught. A final team meeting before the match did not surprise me.

Ultimate Faceoff

“Come on Teesta, come on” was the only sound I could hear and under no circumstances I
could not let them down. The match could not have been more interesting either, everyone
best in their form. With every passing second, exhaustion hit me but I had to bring laurels to
my house, win the match. With all these thoughts buffering my mind it was becoming quite
difficult to concentrate on the game. When all of a sudden; “FWEET! “the sound of whistle
made me still. “Yaay!” “Goal” and in dismay, I could sense that my opponents were jumping
lustily in the air. The referee declared it to be half time. Our blood began to boil and we
decided to pull up our socks in the second half. The unpleasant smell produced after
perspiration floated in the dressing room, I could sense the smirk on the coach’s face after
we lost one goal and then that odour added salt to the injury.

Gathering all confidence and courage we placed ourselves for the second half. New tactics,
new formation, all set to invade their defence. With no surprise, our tactics worked well. We
were dominating them from the beginning of the second half. The win was edging expect the
fact that we were unable to score a goal. My position was left-back defence. I have lovingly
vouchsafed the title ‘The Great Wall of China’ since in my presence I had hardly let the ball
pass me. I could see Sajid dribbling towards me, dodging our central mid-fielder in glee.
Sweat rolling down my neck, I began to wait for him to approach me. He came trying to
dribble me too. Poor chap! I knew his techniques. I headed my left foot towards his opposite
direction so that he could not deceive me with his tricks. Unknowingly I hit his knee fiercely.
It started to bleed. What happened? I was in a fix and could not understand why I started to
feel anxious after I seeing him bleed. In that very moment I realised that I suffered from
haemophobia; the fear of blood. I could not go near him, began to feel dizzy. We lost
another goal despite the collective herculean effort by our team just because of me. Only
me.

My consciousness of the irrational fear

After the match was over, I preferred not to speak with anyone and headed to my dormitory
straight away. Someone of my friends, especially the close ones sensed my discomfort to
discuss the match any further, therefore they ensured none did so in my presence.

It is been a year now and I accept the fact that “Yes, I am a hemophobic” and do not hesitate
to do the same. I did try to overcome my fear but failed miserably. I always try to stay away
from such situations to avoid embarrassment, maybe this is the only way till I discover any
alternatives. One thing but, after that match, I always try to restrain myself from indulging in
any physical fights. Who knows that it may lead to the shedding of blood again?
Hopefully, I am successful in checking myself and it has worked out quite well, I guess.