db

1982

The Syndrome
The last time it struck me was a few years ago, while my wife and 1
were on vacation in Indonesia. Frankly, my syndrome hadn't surfaced
for years, and up until this rather embarrassing “Bali episode,” I had
foolishly thought I was completely free of its grip.
I had just left the Hotel Bali Oberoi’s outdoor bar and was heading
back to our “hut,” bearing a couple of those tropical drinks that look
like someone had stuffed a clown into a blender. Just then, across the
beautifully landscaped grounds, maybe a hundred feet from where I
stood, strolled an enormous black lizard, perhaps three feet in length.
Outwardly, I was calm. Inwardly, I was completely undone. I put
the drinks down on the lawn and immediately started moving toward
this mysterious reptile. (Some kind of monitor lizard, I later deter-
mined.) And as it kept a watchful eye on me, maintaining a constant
distance, I started moving a little faster. As did the lizard. As did I.
Within a few minutes I was running full out, dodging palm trees and
startled tourists. I was focused on that lizard, that big, beautiful, scaly
creature of my dreams.
Hello to my little problem. Or, as my brother (who was also doomed
to suffer under its spell) and I “scientifically” designated it, the ohplease-
ohplease syndrome. For both of us, it first showed up in childhood.
On any given day or night, under optimum conditions (no school,
essentially), Dan and I would gather up our boots, nets, and collecting
jars and head for the local swamps or tidelands. We were on a quest for
living treasure: the wetland fauna of western Washington.
Our passion for frequenting wetlands was not the syndrome per se:
It was merely setting the stage. The syndrome itself, however, was
always waiting in the wings, ready to pounce. Allow me to put you in
my boots, and I will attempt to walk you through a typical “episode”
of ohpleaseohplease.
It’s night. You are at the edge of a big swamp, wading through the
muddy shallows, staying close to the reeds. Your trusty net is in one
hand, your less trusty flashlight in the other. The only sounds you hear
are frogs and occasionally creatures of unknown origin. Your flashlight
sweeps back and forth in a slow, smooth arc, its beam searching for
denizens of the not-so-deep. And then ... your heart nearly stops. You
can barely breathe. There, not far from where you stand frozen, illumi-
nated in your light beam, is the most beautiful, the most incredible
(fill in the creature of your own dreams) that you have ever laid
eyes on! Now the syndrome kicks in.

180
 1982

For a while, you dare not move. But soon you find yourself moving
(or is it being “pulled”?) in slow motion toward this beautiful, amazing
. And as you raise your net into capture position with the prac-
ticed skill of an Amazonian Indian (wearing glasses), knowing that at
any moment the might realize your intent and instantly vanish,
you hear, over and over again, a single voice pounding in your head:
ohpleaseohplease! It’s an all-out begging of the gods to deliver yonder
animal unto thy net. And while that voice implores away inside your
brain, you experience a total eclipse of everything else in the known
universe. All you see is that amazing, beautiful, incredible that's
staring back at you.
Like a full moon shining down on some werewolf, that huge lizard
in Bali had triggered my own curse. I wanted that lizard. I had to have
that lizard. I [usted after that lizard!
In the end, that big reptile just ran into some bushes. Gone like a
lizard. And so there I stood, drenched in sweat—the only tell-tale sign
that I had just experienced another attack of ohpleaseohplease.
Years ago, my brother and I concluded we were probably not alone
with our affliction. Biologists, naturalists, all people who find themselves
inexplicably drawn to look under rocks, down holes, up trees, under
water, or wherever else you might
discover some beautiful beastie,
must also suffer from bouts of
ohpleaseohplease. Very simply, it’s
the obsession to capture and to
hold, if only for a few moments,
some living, natural wonder, to
Observe it, examine it, have it
touch your skin, feel its heartbeat
against your hand—to “drink it in”
before it once again slips back over
that invisible wall that separates
Us from Them.
Whether directly or indirectly,
the memory of ohpleaseohplease
was the genesis for a number of my
cartoons. I guess in the end, you are *Eaaaaaasy, Smithers! ... Eaaaaasy ...
what you draw. A scary thought. Oh please, oh please!"

181
 January 1982

ደብሬ... ሰጩ b
.
1/2/82 |

ችን
ንንን

ትት
እንሽሽ
ME

àY
Won

2
“For crying out loud! ... You're always hearing
something moving around downstairs!”

182
 January 1982

77
ሃያ s
E
ና ff Tm `
mN MAUS

:i

*Shove off, buddy ... l've been working this

neighborhood for years."

ሺ... 4

1/7/82

183
 January 1982

“Mrs. Harriet Schwartz? This is Zathu Nananga

of the Masai. ... Are you missing a little boy,
Mrs. Schwartz?”
“| asked you a question, buddy. ... What's
the square root of 5,248?”

CC CC CC CC CCC CC COO ee sr
1/12/82

ኣላ!
ኣነ ኒ uq ።

“Wait a minute, gentlemen. ... Here’s the

‘on’ switch over here.”

184
 January 1982

dissentit lc dasa ei ee es |
1/11/82

“Why, yes ... we do have two children who

won’t eat their vegetables.”

185
 January 1982

“This is just not effective. ... We need to

get some chains.”

“Hathunters!”

——————

ዕጵ፥ጵሱ ትንን ንን ንዥ ንን

“| can't stand it. ... They're so cute when

they sit like that.”

Africa’s deadliest game

186
 January 1982

OT ee

“Hey, buddy ... you wanna buy a

hoofed mammal?”

a PSN S REESS SSRS

"1/28/82

“Okay, so you’re Grizzly Adams. ... Let’s

see some proof!”

“Okay, Williams, we'll just vote. ... How many

here say the heart has four chambers?"

187
 January 1982

— abs ብ.

“These little ones are mice. ... These over here

are hamsters. ... Ooh! This must be a gerbil!”

nn caso
1/29/82

isis
ስከ ክንበይን

“Hey! Is that you, Arnie? ... Small petri dish!”

188
 Febraary 1982

oo gemessenen ል sottili nsns

2/3/82

“Now wait just a minute here. ... How are we |

supposed to know you’re the real |
Angel of Death?”
m p»
“Big one, Thag! ... We caught biiiiiig one

they were laid yesterday !»

“Blast it, woman! ... Have you seen m

reading glasses?”
2 e

189
 February 1982

“2/8/82

የለእየገዬዬ-

“Your room is right in here, Maestro.”

- 2/5/82
ን
SN

*Yes . Will you accept a collect call from a

Mr. Aaaaaaaaaa?"

“Because it’s not there.”

190
 “Eaaaaaasy, Smithers! ... Eaaaaasy ...
Oh please, oh please!”

“Uh-oh, Gladys. ... Looks like your Sidney

has had too much to drink again.”

———Á ASE

—
CCK AEA RAI
f 2/13/82

“Look. ... You wanna try putting him

back together again?”

191
 February 1982

ee
ፈፈፈ ፈፈፈ ፈፈፈ ፈፈፈ ፈፈ ፈፈፈ ፈፈፈ ፈፈፈ ፈፈፈ ፈፈፈ

ለለ ለበለ ለከ ከሙ ስከ ደፈር... ር...

2/15/82

....፡፡.፡.፡...፡...፡.፡..፡..፡፡...

*No more! No more! | can’t take it! ...

That incessant buzzing sound!”
SERRANO d €——— Pn

“You idiots! ... We'll never get that thing

down the hole!”

A.

a i RAR Á ጊዲዲ.

Great moments in evolution

192
 February 1982

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|
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|

s ክሰ E AEE E coe RARER ገ... [oN

C T

“Pye got it, too, Omar ... a strange feeling like we’ve just been going in circles.”

193
 February 1982

2/24/82

Columbus discovers America.

“Hey! | got one! | got one!”

194
Febraary 1982

2/27/82

“Big Bob says he’s getting tired of you

saying he doesn’t really exist.”

195
 March 1982

justitia UG MM i iio tain ን

3/2/82

3/1/82

|
E:

"There! There! See it, Larry? ... It moved

a little closer!”

“Me? | was charging on the right, when you

suddenly went left, so | went left, and then
you went right again, you idiot!"

aU
3/4/82

~
ማሜ
77 A Hy) /

/፡
M

221

AT
ETT

ሀ
an
;
E

ll MNL

“Oh, wow! | can't believe this thing! ... Does

my voice really sound that funny?”
se

196
 March 1982

“So, Andre! ... The king wants to know how

you’re coming with St. George and the Dragon.”

“Look at that! ... Give me the good ol’ days when

a man carried a club, walked semi-erect, and
had a brain the size of a walnut."

3/6/82

3/8/82

“FEEDING FRENZY!”

197
 March 1982

WW#ሃ
Ai
[o

ILS

8":
(E t ay
s

ur
ww

iln ኩኩ:

“My word , Walter ! ee Sounded |ikea

good-size bird just hit the window."

“And th is |ittle p iggy went weee 0 weee 0 weee ?

weee ... but soon stopped struggling

and was eaten.”

TR
22
EE
pps

*Ha ! Check th Is out 2 Andrews Seems

there’s some kind of ancient curse on
those who defile this crypt.”

“Dang it! Dor is! Hit the light ! .. | think

there's a mosquito after me!"

198
 March 1982

3/15/82

“Hey! Look in here! ... There’s all kinds of

cool movie cameras and junk |”

“Wait! Wait! ... Don’t open

that brand of beer!”

3/19/82

*| don't mean to be callous, Earl, but can

| have your stereo?"

“Aphids! Aphids, Henry! ... Aphids are loose

in the garden!”

199
 March 1982

“ld hate to be in a box canyon with those

coming at me!”

MN ማዊ
er hee grargh woot ME
?

“Now let me get this straight. ... We hired

you to babysit the kids, and instead you
cooked and ate them both?”

200
 March 1982

Kr fpf //// yp S$ራዕ (half/

ያ TTL 71
//#፤/
' ///

“Be firm, Arnold. ... Let them in once and

they'll expect it every time.”

First encounters

— a

“That’s right, Jimmy. ... One day your mother

and | found you underneath a cabbage leaf."

201
 March 1982

“Now that constellation, Jimmy, is simply

called ‘The Big ሀ.”

2 aR Oo ፈፈፈ ፈፈፈ ፈፈፈ...

3/29/82 |

202
 April 1982

OO ፈረዱ ር...
ፈፈ “6 ሩሩ ረር ፈለ i በለለ
ተ አ መ...
Y ፈል

4/2/82

Los Angeles Times

Comics

I cannot understand the

cleverness of this Gary Larson.
Do these come from the inmates
of prisons & are sold to him
which he in turn sells (them)
to you?
What lies behind these
warped cartoons? I wish some
one would clear their meaning
(of thern) to me.
To me they are a waste of
space and are an insult toa
L.A. Times reader who can find
no reason for them in your
newspaper.

R. E. Lewis

203
 April 1982

“So, Billy! Seems your father and | can never

leave without you getting yourself into
some kind oftrouble!”

204
 April 1982

st ae ታቡ... AU UUs i ease asa AS

4/7/82

ችሮችንታፓቿፓ:....፡..፡.፡፡.፡.፡፡. itm ሮ9ክችጵ

ሱት ምም -:..:.....፡፡፡፡፡፡...

“What a lovely home, Edna! . And look at

the fresh newspaper, Stanley 1?

Early stages of math anxiety

————MÁr

i
|
ii
EP
፤i

፣
i

———

“Wait! Wait! Cancel that. ...

| guess it says ‘helf.’”

205
 April 1982

SN
አር
eee

'+

coy

ረረ
ጋ.
ን

ታንVM ORAfe
እህ

ረች Y
VEO

“For crying out loud! ... We were supposed to

turn south after that last mountain range!”

“I found him in the park. ... | pulled a thorn

from his foot and hejust sort of
followed me home.”

206
 April 1982

የ
ረ

NAY
x^
)
Ta Oe 4 "^

AL m i lla P
ws WAY

“Pm not telling you kids again! ... Stand

on one leg, turn your head straight
back, and go to sleep!”
“Sho I shez to her, ‘Hey, look! I’m tired
oflivin’ in this hole, diggin’ dirt,
and eatin’ worms!’”

M AAA sna MMAaA SARE mNIND stat

4/23/82

— eines msec

“Quick! ... Run up and tell Him we found them!”

“Wouldn’t you know it! ... A quiet day at the

beach, and a real person shows up 1?

207
 April 1982

ዜ. .፡ .ሲ.ሲኽ...፡፡፡፡፡፡፡፡፡..፡፡..፡...፡.......ጄ..ጅቤቤ፡ችዎ
ዎታትንትትችንንትጵ0 ት ፥ክስ NUNNON CUDIN UHNE
4/22/82

À——À
—

"So! You admit that this is, indeed, your banjo

the police found at the scene, but you expect
this jury to believe you were never in the
kitchen with Dinah?”
Oe ሸብ...

“Gee, whiz ... you mean | get a third wish, too?”

Oo ርፈ ፈር

4/24/82 ]
i

V/—————
V

“Oh, cmon now. ... / know! Why don't you two

go downstairs today and build a monster?”
si aa E

“Are they gaining, Huxley?”

208
 April 1982

ር ፈፈፈ ፈፈ

“Well, when it’s my turn, | just hope | go

quietly. ... You know—without a lot
of runn ing around
»

ዕኅችዕዕሮፓ6ሮጵጵ ን ን ን ንች ት ም00 ን ት ንት ንች ,ጋፓ,.፡..፡፡፡..... በዘለለ ለለ 6.

ኀዕሱሱክሱጵችሱችችኅችሱችሱያሱ
ታት

ONIA

Cu
MIL

...፡፡፡፡.፡፡፡፡፡.፡፡፡፡፡.፡፡፡፡፡.፡፡፡፡፡፡፡፡.፡፡፡፡፡፡፡፡፡፡.፡.፡፡፡፡፡፡፡፡፡.፡፡፡.፡፡፡፡፡፡፡፡፡፡.፡፡.፡፡፡፡፡..፡፡፡፡፡፡.፡፡፡፡፡፡፡.፡፡፡፡.፡፡..፡....

209
 May 1982

RPM RR RE ihe
፡ 5/1/82 t

NE Si NA ORR ሱታፌ ፈረ. .. ae anna

5/4/82

b
AZ
4 AUN

2
cie.

በ፡ች
EY har
“Excuse our excitement, Mr Farnsworth, but
your cries for help have afforded science
a rare opportunity.”
The volcano god of the Nerdesians

ለለለ
ለለለ
ለፈ
ፈፈፈ
ለለለ
ፈፈፈ ፈር...ፈፈፈ
ሚሜ፡ጌችችችይሹሼቆ
ን
ንሱ
ታት
ት
9 ትን ትት ሱት ት
ችጵጵጵጵ

NN ጠከ:ሰሸ910ከ198 በ...

“What? ... You mean no one brought the buns?”

210
 May 1982

“See, Agnes? ... It’s just Kevin.”

“ARMY ANTS!”

5/5/82 |
i

Sissi

[LÀ
—QM——

—'
—
M——————

——M

ዕችስዕ
ሻብ.
0.

naa

ፓን
እውኔ
ሮች

e
om SAREE CENSUS MMNUDDN NUN LALLA ELE

“Sorry to bother you, Sylvia, but your Henry’s over

here and he’s got my cat treed again.”

211
 May 1982

olol lo(jolo). vo
9 99 5% 0,204

ኒኒ

venison

Yip
Hy

3
fF

“Say .. . would you like to contribute to an ርመ

Sox

endangered species?” ASS

Soe
D es

“No, he’s not busy. ... In fact, that whole

thing is just a myth.”

212
 May 1982

a — — a aa aba

ነ
oy JINS "PM [ i
AV ey መቻ ወያ ፡
መመመ
መ=:
mm

ሥመ
መ
መመረዎች ውም
መውን

We መ=

Ye
ጉሥ P
nfi.

SEE
as

ውም
መው
መው
aSRE
ል
መሙ
ረ.

ኖው

raze

... | think Bobby Joe went foraging

in that direction.”

“By Jove! We’ve found it, Simmons! ...

The Secret Elephant Playground!”

213
 May 1982

Sen a End tU Mi
5/19/82

Never, never do this.

“Well, no wonder! ... This ain't the place."

214
 5/21/82

y
A
EITTHTITITII

ሮች ታፓችጵትጵን።ንችንጵ
ን 0 is .. ፈፈፈ

À ሂ

|
E E

49960:

“On the other hand, gentlemen, what if we

gave a war and everybody came?”

“Now, ; this end is called thel thagomizer

g ...
after the late Thag Simmons.”

215
 May 1982

|ከy K

“Dirty, low-down skunk! ... | saw him slip

that last card from his sleeve just before
he yelled ‘Fish!’”
“Say, Carl . .. forget the Hendersons for a
second and come look at this thing.”

After 23 uneventful years at the zoo’s

snakehouse, curator Ernie Schwartz has
a cumulative attack of the willies.

“Well, well ... seems we’ve found what’s been

causing that ringing sensation in your ear,
Mr. Foley.”

216
 Jane 1982

ትችሱትኬ ቫን
- 6/2/82.

“Įm tempted, but it looks really high

in cholesterol."

1: . 5 ታ.....፡....፡፡.፡....
6/4/8፡
gotta

Ae
NN|ቭ
SS
SSS
SS

ፎ
=
[e «ወጋ ፣ "o = «ወጋ e € ቴጋiE«ጋ p Oo 2 c on > ight brothers

“Larry? Betty? ... Stand up, w ill ya ? ... These

are some friends of mine, folks, who flew
all the way in from the dump.”

217
 Jane 1982

Z JL c SS eS ፡፡ዎጫመሜ ን
ILLES CLL — isMue-ue us d

P i |

መመ:
=

=o
p

comes around, make sure he gets all the

Ice cream he wants.”

“This is it, Carl! ... We head straight at

each other and the first one to veer
offis ‘chicken.’”

UT
መመሪ

ቃሩ
ረታ
LLL

እመ
መመ
መመመ
መው መረመን
Lee
መመ

==

“| say it every time, ‘Watch your head, Frank!

Watch your head!’... But do you listen?”

218
 Jane 1982

JL
MA

“Hold it right there, stranger. We got us a

hat-check law in this town ... so just take

“It’s my turn, Randy! Or I warn you ... |[|

start making weird sucking sounds again!”

6/17/8

||
| €c
Grunt, snort ... grunt grunt, snort... »

“Ha! Just like every time, you'll get about a

hundred yards out, make a big arc, and
start heading back."

219
 Jane 1982

|
]
nsns
D CC m LU d

ee ለፈ ፈፈፈ ለ ፈሬ.

dE
6/9/8

CLR
V——
ESE
በሥ“

ሮችሮሮፓርአጋፓም።.
. ee Eat ua qAUE sabato -e

“Oh. Now this is from last summer, when

ንታፓሮ።
ንን
ፓትዕ0ኔ00ኹንፓ
ሮ;ሮሮሮምጵ;ጵሮጵ;ችጳን;;8
ሮሮ
ምንንን
ሮን
Helen and I went to hell and back.”
፳
kk UU Oe .......... ብ...ብ.

220
 Jane 1982

“Well, for crying out loud! ... It’s Uncle Irwin

from the city sewer!”
deii

“Well, wouldn't you know it! ... There goes

our market for these things!"

221
 Jane 1982

“All right, Billy, you just go right ahead! ...

I’ve warned you enough times about
playing under the anvil tree!”

|
= = |
-“-ሙ=መ S [
———- 1
—— መ E i

| |
ዘ
I)jy)
“Let’s see ... | guess your brother’s coming
over, too—better give it one more shake.”

“For heaven’s sake, Murray! ... We’re

supposed to leave in five minutes
and you’re not even drawn yet!”

222
 Jane 1982

—— —————— esi ታች...

6/28/82

“Well, well, King ... looks like the new neighbors

have brought a friend for you, too.”

“Pm sorry, Irwin. ... It's your breath.

It’s ... its fresh and minty.”

.......፡..፡..፡..፡፡፡.፡.፡፡፡.፡፡፡፡...
6/30/82

Left to right: Old Man Winter,

River, and Higgins

“| assume you're being facetious, Andrews. ... |

distinctly yelled ‘second!’ before you did.”

223
 July 1982

አሬፌሬሬርሔዚ
gs cer Ue GU IST A NNERAM Oe ne cere ሱት ን ኑን»

7/3/82

ee

ፈፈፈፈፈ ፈር
ርፌ
re ለፈ ፈር ሙሬ ፈፈ sonst ie
*
7/1/82 .

ብ.
i

————M—
sibus
itu RH dudit d d b URS
c ASH SUARUM .......

*Well | dunno Okay, sounds good to me."

A

0
VL

ርር i ee but EIL GM ጋጥጥሜጉ

ት ት ን

desidia
ደ ..፡፡...፡፡፡..፡.፡..፡፡፡፡፡.፡፡፡.፡፡፡፡፡.፡.፡፡፡፡፡..፡......፡፡.፡.፡፡፡፡፡፡.፡.፡፡..፡፡፡፡፡፡፡፡፡.፡....፡.፡፡፡፡፡፡፡፡.፡...፡፡፡፡፡..፡፡፡... )
7/6/82.

tti
77/777
TII
ue

“Wa it a minute ! Say that aga in, Dor is

You know, the part about ‘If only we had
some means of cl imb ing down 2»

solis] Msn

224
 Jaly 1982

N
አፓ)
/

E E

The African rhino: an animal with little or

no sense of humor.

7/13/82
ጨጩ፡፡
ጩጨ ጩ ጩ ሬር — n o eas 6.

“Hello, Emily. This is Gladys Murphy up the

street. Fine, thanks. ... Say, Emily, could
you go to your window and describe
what’s in my front yard?”

. 225
 July 1982

7/8/82

“I’m sorry, but we haven't any room. ...

You'll have to sleep in the house."

7/12/8

ፈፈፈ ፈል te A ር በ ፈየ ፈፈፈ RnR RE

l 7/፤6/ 82

| “Now don’t you kids forget—stay away from

| old Mr. Weatherby’s place.”

“No, no, no! Now, try it again! ... Remember,

this is our one and only ticket out of here!”

226
Jaly 1982

*Oh, please, oh, please, Dad! ...

1?
The little brown one

||

“Sandwiches!”

227
 Jaly 1982

Qu

7/19/82

HABEAS ፈለ es a NNALLIUM NUM NEL EMEND Edi DUUM ንቡን ንንን

See
ተውን
Tray, z
Cy

| tiesወጋ 5 =) (ጋ ሠ Pulዐጋ de = v

Young Jimmy Frankenstein

EMQUUM A

y 5. ወሠE መሪወ o > ሠ ኤ ሙ ሆን 5 E E ሠ ኤ ሪውወ ኤ v E

=

= ሆን ሆን ጐ›
E
ፎ
o

more and more ofthese things around |!”

228
 July 1982

1b ብዘ ስኬች99ሮጵስጵስሽንን ትንት LN SD ASE ERAS SIAM €

7/16/82

“Blast it, Henry! ... | think the dog is

following us."
“Well, here they come. ... You locked the
keys inside, you do the talkin'. )»

Historic note: Until his life's destiny was

further clarified, Robin Hood spent
several years robbing from the rich
and giving to the porcupines.
Evolution of the dog

229
 Jaly 1982

“DOWN IN FRONT! ... SIT DOWN! ...

SIT DOWN!”

In the days before television

Li et Ne ea AE አሴን ን ት ትትት ትን ን ት ጵንጵትንሽስሽንንdUMUN

7/31/82

Late at night, and without permission, Reuben

would often enter the nursery and conduct
experiments in static electricity.

230
 August 1982

CT DAD MEME.

8/2/82

rr

“Listen out there! We’re George and Harriet Miller!

We just dropped in on the pigs for coffee! We’re
coming out! ... We don’t want trouble!”

i eS idan NRRL
8/5/82

ሮምጵጵፓዯፓጵዯ0።ፓን ታ:.፡.......፡.............፡፡፡፡፡፡፡፡፡፡፡..ኬጌ፡፡፡፡..፡፡

“So, then ... would that be ‘us the people’

or ‘we the people’?”

231
 Aagust 1982

2፡78 be me, ga
just Gofio
on i be ^ne.
da ማሪሠ
ሥ
We Ww ]leA

“Just jump, fool! ... You don’t have to go,

‘Boing, boing, boing!”

“Excuse me, but the others sent me up here to

ask you to please not roll around so much.”

“General! Quick! Look! ... Henderson is

doing it again!”

232
 Aagast 1982

“Step on it, Arnold! STEP ON IT!”

“Say ... now l'm starting to feel kinda warm!”

s— NAAPA RAUM d icit

(EXEL)

Come, come, yakity yak yak yak!”

Professor E. F. Gizmo and some of

his many inventions

233
 August 1982

NR ረር ፈፈፈ ፈፈፈ ፈፈሔ.ዴሔሔ.፡.....፡.፡.፡.፡....... ፈፈፈ ከፈር

ex

ONE

SIA
SEES
f
5
ly
i መፍ

"| say fifty, maybe a hundred horses. ...

What you say, Red Eagle?"

“You know, we're just not reaching that guy.”

234
 August 1982

Dos

“Somethin’s in the air, Carl. ... The docs

gettin’ that old twinkle in his eye again.”

a—

tac
7

>
ምርጮ).

Inevitably, their affair ended: Howard worried

excessively about what the pack would think,
| and Agnes simply ate the flowers.
“THE GOLDEN ARCHES! ...
THE GOLDEN ARCHES GOT ME!”

235
 August 1982

(€
8/23/82

....ተ.....
SUA NUM Hun etstA UNMUN UNI ULUN MN ት ታ ታም ኒ ፡ 9)

“Look! Look, gentlemen! Purple mountains!

Spacious skies! Fruited plains! ...
Is someone writing this down?"
"And notice, gentlemen, the faster | go, the
more Simmons sounds like a motorboat.”

“And now there go the Wilsons! ... Seems

like everyone’s evolving except us!”

236
 Aagast 1982

—— Neጋ የማ
8/31/82

8/27/82

Things that go bump in the night

“Listen ... you go tell Billy’s mother, and Ill

start looking for another old tire.”

E iudi EE PUD IRS

8/30/82
፣

“Mom! Dad! ... The nose fairy left me a whole quarter 1?

237
 September 1982

“Do you know me? | have to deal with lions,

wolves, and saber-toothed tigers. ...
That's why | carry one of these.”
“Uh-oh, 0 Lorraine ... someone seems to be
checking you out.”

9/2/82

OY25]
$33
EE

Sox
SOS

= i
$

i
|
:

“Hey! Hey, you idiots! The train has

stopped! ... Come on down from there!”

238
 September 1982

9/6/82

a ee
Ó ———
m

ከን
ር.
ኩትም
ክን
ትክ
ማቸ
ከ

ንጭጵ6ጵጵንስኃ
ጵጵን
ን

: |

i i
|
|
E! H

፣ H H
EH EH

The embarrassment of *morning face" H

we

“Good heavens, Stuart! ... We’re definitely

going to need the net!”

———— TMM TTA ለአ ለል

9/10/82

ሮ5ኝ56ሮ
ችክ ሱም ፓን ን: a eat AU mA RRR
E
9/21/8: ፲

|1
1

i
1

ችን
ችጵ9ዥች፥ጵች6ችጵ6ሮ0ጵችጵሮንጵ፦

፪E
i
;
i
H

E
i
i

|
—
0
€ —— : ibe insu 6፡9

Nature’s subtle signs of danger

239
 $eptember 1982

9/9/82

dM
MM d
9/1/82 t

ed

anaes

“Nlow here comes the barbaric finale.”

m—

o m uu i ጥዋጠ። ቤ፡ኬቤኬኬኤኙ፡፡፡ች፡፡፡”ሔ፦ ጨ።፡ፊጭጩ፡ ፋጨ ጨጨ ጨ( ፊሄ(ቤሼጨኬጨ ሔ፡ሔጨ ጩጨ.

“FREEZE! ... Okay, now ... who’s the

brains of this outfit?”

240
 September 1982

——— ከ ን ጉታታ........፡..፡...........፡.፡.፡.፡..ጌጌ)ጌ፡8፡፡፡፡..ጌጌ?ጤጤጤጤጤጤኸር

9/16/82

..ብ. des desistit HN ei din ci oR 1-

nnn
MM

“YEEEEEHAAAAAAAAA!”

ችንን
ድ

“The fool! ... He’s on the keyboard!”

“Satisfied? ... |warned you not to invite the

cows in for a few drinks.”

241
 September 1982

LICKIN IIMA ISLE SLOANE CS

9/14/82

“So, Mr. Fenton ... let’s begin

with your mother.”

“Well, Emily is out like a light. ... Just can’t

resist pulling that little stunt of yours,
can you, Earl?”
ee ፈፈፈ ፈልፈል =
ii

8፡65

And then, from across the room,

their eyes met.

“Shhhh, Zog! ... Here come one now!”

242
 ————Ó— M:
|

— ns
|| ፡ i 9/18/82

i
|
|i

.|
|
|
|]
|
|

/———

“Late again! ... This better be good!”

Ei
i
፣

————————i anaes
ne eRe ————— €

9/29/82

———ÀX——

i;
i;
፣
ii
፣
it
፣
i
|
E
|
|
EL
i
iH

.i
i
i
i
|
i
i|
|
|
Ei

i
|

i[1 *Now take them big birds, Barnaby. ...

|
| Never eat a thing ... just sit and stare."
E4
: $

243
$eptember 1982

“We’re too late! ... He jumped!”

“AAAAAAAAA! MURRAY! ... A spider

was in my shoe!”

244
 October 1982

—P—H—

a ሲኮል ጉ>ምንኤ›>ውጅ »> ,»0 ንዓ ዱዓ

“Now, on to other business ...

Bjorn Jorgensen here has a new
helmet design to show us!”

r ERE Ria

0
“Ha! The idiots spelled ‘surrender
with only one ‘r’!”

*Ooooooooooooooo!"

245
 jest VP VA A QA
10/4/82

——M—— ት d
10/11/82

€—— M—À—S T"

10/12/82

“Hey! They’re lighting their arrows! ...

Can they do that?”

“This is your side of the family, you realize.”

246
 October 1982

A—M——K— —— ሉኡምውሜጭማሸ ዥ ዥ ገ Mn
“10/9/82

IZ
OSIL
IEI

“For heaven’s sake, Andrew! ... You’re not going

to plug that horrible thing in, are you?”

“Raaaaaaaaaaxphooooooooorg!”

_ ርር

ችሼሜችጵ6ጵ6ሮ0ጵ5 ችን ንች ፥ጵ፣።0ዥ9060ጵፓጋፓ።ን0ንዓሱጌውሱንሱ0»እ S —————— HÓA m

10/13/82

“Blasted recoil unit!”

“Hang on, Betty. ... Someone’s bound

to see us eventually.”

247
 October 1982

ee ችን ሽት ት ችን
10/16/82

Where parakeets come from

“Say ... look what they’re doing.”

ee Lea ee asa
10/20/82
[101
[ነዝ
Wl
‘i
2 3 ላ
a ፡ዥዥ ሽያስ - ጊጊ
ሇቱሇቂታኒሇታ!ሆ;ቷሆኖያሇኛጭሇ
ያሇያታታያት ታታ-
10/18/82 | `

ዶ--ፈ

ANJnኢ//
mE: 8
a dx
M. A

(FREE: a A

248
 October 1982

ችት ንን ት ትችአፓ.............................፡.፡፡፡፡፡፡፡፡፡፡፡፡፡)፡፡፡)).-
10/19/8 i
EL

nections ic ee ASR SH
10/21/82

ፒፒ ፕ

*Shhhhhh ... | wanna surprise the kids."

“RUB HIS BELLY, ERNIE! RUB HIS BELLY!”

ችችችችች ፓ ችን፣ች;ስች ችት ት ፓፓ ትጵ ንጵፓ ት ኔር:

10/22/82

——————
ADR eA በለ
1
10/25/82

siii

[14
ell, | guess both Warren and the cat are
okay. ... But thank goodness for the
Heimlich maneuver!”

249
 October 1982

| ; MR i— Mtn à s ገ

“Let’s see—mosquitoes, gnats, flies, ants ...

what the? ... Those jerks! We didn’t order
stinkbugs on this thing!”

ዚዜ በዚ aaa

10/26/82

ee
«n

ኃችኃ
deities
ታውሮ
ጋሮጵኬጵ9ዕጵጵ
ACERS
ALLAN
OTERO

... .. ca me 86) AANA dicito ለ ኪ...፡..... ብ Aiea,

“Now, don’t forget, Gorok! ... This time punch

some holes in the lid!”

250

LAM
NENNEN
Ky., Monday, November 8, 1982
The Lexington Leader, Lexington,
Comic too far out
for ‘Far Side’ fans
By JODY JAFFE
Kulght-Ridder Newspapers
Cow tools? It didn’t make much sense
to a lot of people.
Chronicle Features, the syndicate that
handles Gary Larson and his Far Side car-
toons was deluged with calls after his car-
toon captioned “Cow Tools,” ran in newspa-
pers across the country. Editors and
readers were begging for an explanation.
- (That. cartoon did not appear in The
Leader, one of-71 papers in the U.S. and
Canada which carry the Far Side. Leader
editor Steve Wilson said another Far Side
cartoon was used in its place “because we
didn't understand the gag.")
“The phone never. stopped ringing for
two days,” said Chronicle Features general
manager Stuart Dodds, between chuckles
about the whole mess. Dodds said he got
the joke right off.
“Tt didn't seem like the greatest joke
that Gary had made,” Dodds said. "Those
who didn’t get it were searching for far-
fetched explanations. Further than Gary’s
wildest thoughts.”
But that's not the worst of it, Larson's
own mother, Doris, didn't get the joke.
"She said, "Dear, I don't think I quite
understood this one,’ ” Larson said in a tel-
ephone interview from his home in Seattle.
(Doris Larson, according to her son, under-
stands most of his off-beat jokes, "except
— ae
“Stop the swing! I’m getting sick! Stop is D
swing! Oongowa! Oongowa!"
October 1982
— € ———
for these occasional slip ups;")
After countless explanations.to count-
less Far Side fans, Dodds decided to go pub-
lic with the punchline. For the first time in
Chronicle Features history, it sent out let-
ters of explanation by the cartoonist to all
-
71 newspapers that carty Larson's daily
cartoon.
“This cartoon was meant as an exer-
cise in silliness," Larson wrote.
“Pye never met a cow who could
make tools, but if I had, I feel sure that its
effort¢ would lack something in sophistica-
tion and would resemble the crude speci-
mens shown in the cartoon."
That's it, folks, the punchline: If cows
could build tools, those are the kind they'd
build,
For those who want further explana-
tion, read on, Larson came up with the joke
after remembering a definition of mankind:
one of the things that separates human
beings from animals is that humans can
buiid tools.
“I started thinking of well ... cows,”
said Larson, who at one time, worked: at a
humane society. “I like cows, I just think
there’s almost something intrinsically hu- Cow tools
morous about them. I even just like the
name ‘cow.’
“I thought obviously cows don't make
tools, but if they did, they would look like
this. At the time I thought it was hysterical
. Wrong."
251
 November 1982

Se DUNS NUN mH EUN NHDADUI ት

1/1/82

S EAS
EA
F
RSSILS

“Arnold, it’s Mr. Wimberly on the phone. ...

He says the next time you buzz his house,
he’ll have his 12-gauge ready.”

11/2/82

“Why ... yes ... thank ... you ... 1 ... would ...
like ... a ... knuckle ... sandwich."

"Wait! Wait! Listen to me! ... We don't

have to bejust sheep!"

252
 November 1982

AAS
1/10/82

“Good heavens, Ronald! ... | think something

just landed on the roof!”

“I’m sorry, Margaret, but it’s time | spread

my wings and said goodbye.”

11/5/82

iini

“Ha! We got him now!”

*| knew it! 1 just knew it. ... ‘Shave and a

Haircut’ was a lousy secret knock.”

253
 November 1982

|
ኞ ዚል ለራ ae

|
|
|

“Oh! Is that so? ... Well, you've got a big mouth!”

“Well, once again, here we are.”

254
 November 1982

“| just don't like it, Al. ... Whenever Billy goes

outside, the new neighbors seem compelled
to watch every little thing he does.”
“Say ... wait just a dang minute, here. ...
We forgot the cattle!"

ሮክ ዕስ ስ ሸክ ታታ ኢኢ ይ DENIM DURUM ው... i—

..ፒ...ፌፌር፡.
ረረ ፈፈፈ ፈፈ ፈርፈርፈልsend ...........፡..፡....፡......፡..፡..፡፡፡፡..

‘The Evolution of Man ad

255
 November 1982

11/17/82

11/16/82

i
፻

“Try to relax, ma’am. ... You say it was dark and

you were alone in the house, when suddenly
you felt a hand reaching from behind and ...
JOHNSON! KNOCK IT OFF!”
“Looks like a trap,’ | said. ‘Nonsense,’ you
said. ‘No one would set a trap way out
here in the woods,’ you said.”

11/18/82

“You, Bernie Horowitz? ... So you’re the ‘they 0

in ‘that’s what they say’?”

256
 November 1982

ASU SN eae .........

11/23/82

ዕጵዕኬዕፅጵች ታ 0 ..፡.፡..፡፡፡፡.፡.፡፡፡፡.፡፡፡፡፡.፡.፡፡.፡.፡፡.፡፡.፡፡.፡.፡፡... |RSS BUDE DIUUB EDMUNDሱጋ...

1/24/82

E
i
i

Ed
d
i.

E
i:
i

|
i
1i

i|

T€

“All right! All right! | confess! | did it! Yes!

That’s right! The cow! Ha ha ha!
And | feel great!”
“Oh boy! ... It's dog food again!”

Se Oe TRU OD Lbs ሴረ ፈለ ለበ ANUS

11/20/82

sanantonio
tanta aoa ton ina GUIAS UU RUNE NE
11/27/82

———————
—————

*| wonder if you could help me. ... m

looking for 523 West Cherry and ...
Oh! Wow! Déjà vu!”
(ditiones

“We’re the Wilsons, bozo! ... What's it

say on the box?”

257
 November 1982

isis HUNG a ibid iius UY

11/26/82 |

| ንዓ a ዕሮንንሱን; ሱን/ስንስ)ሱጵን)ዕሱዕቤሱዕሱቤሱስሱዕሱጵዕ00ንዕ00 ጵ0ኃዕ0ዕሮ ሮ። ፓ።። ። ።>።>>። ።ም።ም።ን።ም።>>> ።ፓፓን ው፦፦።።

ት።። ፓ።፦ሮ8፥ጵጵ; ምጵጵሮ ጵጵጵ፣ጵጵጵ
ዘ/25/8

Baas
| 1 qe —
| 1 (€ wf =N Xa

“He was magnificent! Just magnificent! And

| almost had him!... | can’t talk about
it right now.”

ዘ/29/ 82

“Well, you can just rebuild the fort later,

Harold. ... Phyllis and Shirley are coming
over and I’Il need the cushions.”

258
 December 1982

“You boys got a bottle opener ጋ”

“THE CAPE, LARRY! GO FOR THE CAPE ”

jm= = ioe)N

98:09.
HERE

“Shhh ! Knock off that crunch ing no ise

Pass it on
1?

Jungle-wise characters

259
 December 1982

-
| 12/4/82
1
;
፣
:

ei
SND
I
eR
Eee
ie
ei
a e GNU petit DRE SS

“See, Barbara? There's no one in here, no one outside. ...

PII even open the drapes and have a look.”

a NNR
NOU UB
12/6/ 82 |

.................
[2/3/82

“Now wait a minute. ... He said two jerks

means ‘more slack’ and three meant
‘come up’... but he never said nothin’
about one long, steady pull.” History and the snake

260
 December 1982

H amer ^o act
| r vulnerable. "

Car key gnomes

12/110/ 82

“Well, Zoron ... is this a close enough

look for you?”

“Pull out, Betty! Pull out!

1?
hit an artery

261
 December 1982

ao i ርር... ት ያት ብ... "

12/14/82

7X3 _ ሪሬ.መሆዛ
am x-/o y ay
፡ iam 3247/6. ርም ieZe)
dubbis Kemp መር
7$9*xlux
ም
[x-y] > air
pe?
fs
ምጎCea
ጋሻ 83
Zyn

|
|

“Pm not warning you again, Sparky! ... You

chew with your mouth open!"

“Egad! ... It’s got most of Uncle Jake!”

262
 December 1982

12/22/82

12/20/82

Edwin lived reclusively in his midtown apartment

with his dog, Lola, whom he secretly loathed.

12/24/82

|
|

It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining,

and Zog had just finished washing his
new invention.

263
 December 1982

nos i annette AX
12/21/82

ፈር ደጃእጋሱዥ ee ር ው መመመ
[2/15/82

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“All right! Rusty's in the club!”

The real reason dinosaurs became extinct

i eti Readout
12/27/82

12/25/82

ssi 496

“Walkies! Walkies!”

“Say, Thag ... wall of ice closer today?”

264
 December 1982

Primitive peer pressure

“Well, for goodness sakes! ...

What is this thing?”

ችክክ eS ፈፈ በኡ——
—— P ችሮ9ችሮችፓ ር.
12/29/82

“Well, that does it for my tomatoes.”

265