What Is Influence?

Starting at infancy, we all try to get others to do what we want. We learn early what works in
getting us to our goals. Instead of crying and throwing a tantrum, we may figure out that smiling
and using language causes everyone less stress and brings us the rewards we seek. The aptitude
to influence doesn't just happen. It is a purposefully honed skill involving careful intention and
the people we revere are leading us using the same formula that has worked for centuries. "The
only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how
to get it. As explained here below

1. Build trust and be consistent

One crucial mistake people often make is thinking that influence can be episodic, you cannot
demonstrate integrity in someone when you are in the midst of persuasion. You must garner their
trust and always have their best interests at heart. To do this, it is essential to build a solid rapport
and a genuine concern for an individual before endeavoring to direct them towards a certain
outcome. You must act with authenticity, demonstrating that you are trustworthy and that your
primary goal is to help.

2. Be present and connect

To be fully engaged in the moment, hear more and speak less. By being an active listener, you
gain insight into what is driving the other person emotionally. Once you understand the
emotional factors steering their thinking, you can demonstrate that you understand them, and
your conversation will advance. If you appear distracted, insincere, or self-concerned, you will
lose them from the outset and they will likely be resistant to your efforts.

3. Ask to understand

Questions persuade more powerfully than any other form of verbal behavior. The more you ask,
the more successful the interaction will be. Before you can motivate someone, you need to
understand their core values and driving forces. A great way to do this is to ask them a series of
open-ended questions, then follow up with "why?" multiple times. The root answer never comes
from the initial query, so dig deep. Remember that people don't do things for your reasons; they
do it for their reasons. You must take the time to fully understand their motivation at the deepest
level. Knowing the essence of a person will give you more influence, and if you fail to inspire,
you probably didn't know what was truly driving them in the first place.
4. Educate and encourage

Most influential people primarily impel others through teaching. People listen more effectively
when you teach them how to make better choices, how to handle problems, and how to think
about their lives and circumstances in a constructive and self-supporting way. The most
compelling way to teach a lesson is to inspire through storytelling, metaphors and analogies.
Walk them through relatable emotional experiences but encourage them to take the lead in
shaping the outcome and discover the answers for themselves. The easiest way to persuade
someone is by helping them persuade themselves.

5. Confirm suspicions and acknowledge objections

First and foremost, never make the other person wrong. As soon as you injure their intention,
they will become triggered and you will lose. Nobody can expose your weaknesses in a better
light than you. Doing so will also bestow you with credibility and allow you to resolve their
concern before giving them the chance to object.

6. Praise lavishly but sincerely

In Oder to win Friends and Influence People, compliment the person you are trying to persuade.
Make them feel important, and show admiration, but always do it earnestly. Every person seeks
out sincere praise. But be mindful of the fine line between acclaim and flattery, as fawning can
turn a person off.

7. Challenge and encourage

People who have the most influence are usually those who consistently encourage us to become
better versions of ourselves. By challenging us to raise our standards, learn from failures,
mistakes, and setbacks, push through our own glass ceilings, and persuading us to demonstrate
impeccable character in the face of adversity. Nothing mobilizes attention, or energizes us, better
than a challenge that demands we stretch our knowledge, boosts our skills and enhance our
ability to reach another level of success.

Generally, whatever your objective, whether you want to get others to do something, change
something, be something, buy something or believe in you, you need to approach your
conversations with these critical steps in mind. We are not born leaders with an innate ability to
persuade others. We must actively cultivate the skills, and by doing so, we can thrive.