Class Handout - Ds Relationship Design Part 1

We will begin as we must begin, with savagery, brutality and intensity of action.

Class Objective

Our objective is the creation and ongoing engagement within a healthy, passionate, sustainable and mutually
beneficial relationship.
Good relationships happen, great relationships are DESIGNED.
Part 1 is about preparing yourself for a relationship.
Part 2 is about actually building a relationship.
Part 3 is about having and enjoying it.
It's better to solve problems in the DESIGN phase, rather than wait until you are with someone and in crisis,
before solving these problems.

Class Summary

Fix Problems, Max Attractiveness, build Intensity.

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Definition of a Relationship

Why does this matter to Kink Relationships: Having a clear definition of what a relationship is about is a CRITICAL
step in making sure that you are both heading in the same direction.
A relationship is an adventure that you have together. The goal of a relationship is to expand what is possible
and to magnify what is already there. A relationship doesn't CREATE anything new, is MAGNIFIES and EXPANDS
everything that does exist.
Summary - clear out all the garbage in yourself, prepare for an amazing relationship, and become super attractive
to your ideal partner.
You want to get independence then max attractiveness because this will give you the best choice of healthy,
attractive and desirable partners. Fix problems, max attractiveness, then connect and build a super intense
dynamic.
In the introduction I will talk about some of the mistakes that I have made it to his point in this class, this should
not be assumed to be about any person in particular, I just like it when people present ideal models without
showing what to do when they are not an ideal circumstances
Choosing the right partner is often the single most important decisions you will make. Because no one can harm
you like someone who lives with you, knows you intimately, has access to your home and heart, friends and
family. It is very important that you choose the right person / s (obviously you can have multiple relationships
using these skills as well).
The exercise of your agency and choice is very important. Choosing the right person, for the right reasons.

Dependance -> INdependance -> INTERdependance

Why does this matter to Kink Relationships: Because intense desire can cloud judgement and distort effective
decision making. When you are a whole and complete person, you are in a vastly stronger position to choose the
right person and then to create something intense and amazing.
Interdependence is the style of relationship that you want.
One of the SIDE EFFECTS (not the core purpose of the relationship but a natural side effect is that being with this
person) makes you want to be a better person.
Dependance -> INdependance -> INTERdependance
Dependence is "I need ANYONE / I need you".
Independence is "I don't need you, but I do want you".
Interdependence is "I have more than I need, lets build something amazing together - Family, Children,
Relationship, Partnership".
In simpler terms:
Dependence is "I don't have enough".
Independence is "I have enough for myself".
Interdependence is "I have enough for myself and I can now give some away".
You can move back and forth along this scale as life happens, but the goal is always to be moving towards the
right, towards INTERdependence.

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Ds Dynamics naturally trend towards creating dependencies

Why does this matter to Kink Relationships: Unless you act proactively to maintain independence, the natural
structures of a Ds dynamic will eventually create a dependency. This will limit what is possible, and results in a
host of other problems. Active Prevention here is a great idea.
American Model versus European Model
American Kink - subject agency effectively doesn't exist
European Model - subject agency is real, strongly encouraged by the community and within relationships MUCH
BETTER. DO THIS!

The Four Dimensions of Independence

Why does this matter to Kink Relationships: If you are not fully independent in each of the four areas, you will
often settle for a partner out of desperation and not desire. You will make short-sighted decisions and are more
likely to choose the person who is available, and perhaps not to wait for the person who is right for you and will
treat you well.
Physical. Financial. Emotional. Sexual.
The Four Dimensions of Independence – It's okay if you're struggling, what is not okay is not doing anything about
it. You have more control over your life than you think.
Physical - Your living situation is secure, you have access to food, a bed etc and can you navigate around the
world, can you buy things.
Financial - Can you generate enough money to maintain your current life? Do you have an income that is not
reliant on a single person?
Emotional - Can you handle your day-to-day stresses alone, or with minimal involvement and help from others?
Can you do effective self care and maintain your own life.
Sexual - Can I satisfy myself sexually, in a healthy way that prepares me for a real life relationship?

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Practical Strategies for Independence

Why does this matter to Kink Relationships: If you are not fully independant, you will likely settle for a crappy
submissive who drains your life rather than adding to it, or a dominant who expects you to fill a hole in their life.
Building from a strong foundation is required for an amazing relationship - the answer is effective and practical
strategies for independance.
Physical
Solution - Be in a secure living situation, where you are safe, comfortable and free. Learn to navigate the world,
spend money and live a good life.
Financial
Solution - Have a job where you make enough money to support your lifestyle without relying on your partner.
Emotional
Solution: Be highly proactive with self care activities. Use the Core Beliefs Modules regularly. Have three close
friends you can share anything with. Use ASMR recordings to provide comfort and emotional support to yourself
when you need to. List of these will be in the resources folder.
Sexual
Solution - It is essentially Healthy Masturbation, and jerking off to being with a girl you know
For Men
Do your KEGELS - get the Stamena app and use it 3x a day
Written porn or use imagination
Use your hands
Take at least ten minutes before you orgasm
Touch every part of your body
Use your imagination about someone that you know, who you are sexually attracted to.
Jerk off to meeting, seducing, dating and then fucking someone that you know and find desirable.
For Women
Reading porn, not watching or anything else. Use your imagination and create intense, deeply personal fantasies.
Insert a dildo inside of yourself and fuck yourself with it
AVOID relying on or overstimulating the Clitoris - it is not biologically required for female orgasm. Listen to my
podcast episode on the 12 types of female orgasm.

The Iron Law of Relationships

Why does this matter to Kink Relationships: It avoids you choosing a dom or sub out of desperation, and avoids
the inevitable problems that stem from that.
"If you cannot be happy without her, then you can never (be truly) happy with her".
Without being fixed, this situation will completely destroy your relationship. Fix this. Be happy without her - you
can still be in a relationship, you just have your own life outside of JUST her as well.

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The Improved Golden Rule

(I'm really proud of this one :-)

Why does this matter to Kink Relationships: It helps to actively fix being a nice guy dom and avoid situations of
transactional debt.
The original rule, from the Bible:
"Do to other people what you want them to do to you". THIS IS INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS, it creates a situation
where someone can be exploited indefinitely.
The improved version:
"Treat yourself with the exact same amount of love that you have always given to others".
Just love yourself, as much as you have always loved others. Give yourself the same patience, the same
understanding.
It's that simple. Just do it.
The original Golden Rule creates Pathological Altruism - where you are so giving and nice that you harm yourself
and your life, and then harm others around you.
Upgrade to the improved version today!

Introducing the Core Beliefs Modules

It's essentially lists of carefully constructed Core Beliefs, with separate lists for Self, Boundaries, Relationships, and
Anti-Nice Guy Behaviours.
It exists as a folder in the Resources Folder (if you can't find it I will upload it shortly).
I will usually take someone deeply into a profound trance and implant these beliefs as a core element of their
identity.
It's not masochistic or self-destructive - when they can say no it allows for the creation of maximal intensity.
I can go harder when I can be sure they are actively consenting. The goal is intensity.

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Other Important Things

Trust, but Verify.

Give them the benefit of the doubt, at least initially.
No doesn't mean no, no means "not right now OR not here in this place OR not with you". Ask a clarifying
question to determine which one of those three components is missing so that it can potentially be added in or
changed.
Honesty doesn't mean being a cunt about it - "what do you want to know (about x)? And USE YOUR AGENCY to
suggest an alternative of similar sexual intensity.
Example used: Tying a Rope Girl at an Event - rather than say no, she says "I feel self-conscious being tied here but
if you blindfold me I won't feel self conscious and I will have a great time.
The other person makes all the difference - I treat all of the people that I want to date exactly the same, exactly.
Controlling the variables, so that then their behaviour tells you how much of your time they get. Love is infinite,
time is not.
Accepting yourself - being happy while being alone, having an amazing life.
Not choosing a role - labels are constraining.

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Common Problems and Solutions

Don't be Fat
The reason that is a problem - I want you to have the best choices of high quality partners, and being not fat,
physically attractive, dressing well and loving yourself will massively increase the quality of people you can be in a
relationship with, and the maximal intensity of the activities and experiences that you can have. Being not fat
does not mean being super skinny to an unhealthy level either, love your body and treat it well. You deserve
better than being fat and if you think you don't you are wrong and you need to get proper help. Reach out.
Solution - If you need help with this, contact me and I can advise and help. Keto / Clean Eating +Intermittent
Fasting + 8 Hours Sleep + Starting Strength + Time + a Lot of Positive Brainwashing
Communication Grey Areas
When they can ask you confidently for what they want, you can create much more intense experiences together.
Solution - Accept themselves. Raise their deservedness level. Play the three minute game a LOT. If you are
submisive - accept that you will NEVER get the things you want unless you ask for them DIRECTLY. It takes courage,
I know. It's also worth it.
Submissives / Dominants with Zero Agency / That are totally passive
Submissives have an incredibly outdated idea that asking for anything is a Dominant act, so it is outside their
identity and they struggle with it. Asking for an act allows your Dominant to DOMINATE YOU MORE by giving
them more to work with. Submissives with zero agency are extremely dangerous to play with as they are the
leading cause of False Accusations and Drama.
Solution - The Three Minute Game (see the podcast episode on this in the resources folder), Teach them to Say
No, Teach them to ask for what they want, and only play with people who actually do ask directly for what they
want. Always be kind, but not in a way that is harmful to you long term - you never know what battles someone is
fighting.
Pathological Independence
People can get stuck in Independence when moving from Dependence to Independence to Interdependence.
Solution - Get therapy for your trauma. Play the three minute game with lots of people. Develop an abundance
mentality. Develop your attractiveness. Learn to tell when a potential partner is good for you and healthy for you -
read the Discriminating Therapist and fix your Global Discrimination Strategies.
Trying to move from Dependence directly to Interdependence
Solution - Employ the strategies listed above to become fully independent and ensure that you are for at least six
to eight weeks before jumping into a relationship.
Clitoral Dependancy
Why is this a problem - High quality male partners will want to help you experience deeply fufilling orgasms. If you
overuse a vibrator to the point where you have difficulty orgasming without it, it will ACTIVELY drive away
empathic high quality men and limit your options for a relationship.
Solution - Get therapy, if you contact me I can provide this or recommend someone to suit. Use the strategies
advised above in the Sexual Independence Section.

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Preparing for a Relationship

The following is a list of things I highly recommend doing when you are single, alongside all of the usual healthy
lifestyle habits like sleep, self care, exercise, etc
In Sex - Enthusiasm is the hottest thing.
Men
Kegels - the App is Stamena, get it and use it three times a day
T Levels Checked - Do this. As soon as possible.
Make more noise
Dirty Talk - In one sentence "describe out loud what you are already doing to her".
Women
Practice vaginal orgasms with a dildo, no visual porn, think about darker fantasies and don't hold back
Kegels - buy a good quality Kegel trainer and App and use them to make your vaginal muscles stronger so you ha
Dirty Talk - this will massively raise your value sexually. Learn this. I have a Podcast Episode on this.
What are the most consistently valuable things you can do is express yourself articulately and in writing, men
fucking love it when you write valuable descriptions about yourself, if you give them clues or maps to this even
better

Workshop Ideas

Activity - Designing Your Ideal Partner

Podcast Episode - This exercise is around one hour and forty minutes into the episode for a detailed description.
Four Boxes - From top to bottom, left to right it is - Physical, Sexual, Emotional, Spiritual / Other
When doing this, closing your eyes really helps.
Inversion Technique - If you don't know what you want, think about the opposite of what you want, and then
invert that to get a clue to what you DO want.
Attributes Method - Every single object, behaviour or experience can be defined by their attributes. Length,
weight, time, colour, material, etc. Define at attribute, and it will give you a clue to the thing you want.
Three possible answers:
No answer means the question is not specific enough or that the thing is not that important to you.
A clear answer is a clear answer.
Multiple answers that cycle between them is an indicator that ANY one of those answers is fine, write them all
down.
Activity - Ideal Day
Describe from the moment that you wake up, what your ideal relationship will look like. Where do you wake up,
what do you do then, etc. Write this out with ANY detail.
The next step - design the Ideal Partner of your ideal Partner.
Who is the ideal partner of my ideal partner

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What to do now?

Tell one person or your partner about this podcast, send them the link to the podcast anchor.fm/mindkink
All of my content can be found at thewordsmithspeaks.com
Website, Podcast, Resources Folder, Bedtime Stories, Brainwashing Content. There is a LOT there and it's all free.
For sharing my content, use this link - bio.link/mindkink
Contact me and ask for advice or ongoing coaching? Have a relationship you want to fix, or a relationship you
want to begin? Want simple, clear expert advice and therapy on how to fix it?
My contact details are at the website, or I can be reached at @aussieonthemove on Telegram.

Further Reading

Brad P Dating website - buy his stuff it's amazing. https://www.bradp.com/ If you can't purchase a copy, get in
touch and I can help out.
The Discriminating Therapist by Michael Yapko - Where I first heard about Global Discrimination Strategies and
how to fix yours.