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2. "I Just Think Asian Men Aren't Sexy!": Race, Class, Gender, Sexuality and the
Devaluing of Asian Men

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12. “I Just Think Asian Men Aren’t Sexy!”: Race, Class, Gender, Sexuality and the

Devaluing of Asian Men

Karen Wu

California State University, Los Angeles

On April 13, 2019, the South Korean boy band BTS became the first musical group from

Korea to perform on Saturday Night Live. Their performance made waves across the internet.

Most reactions were exceedingly positive, however, a disparaging tweet quickly went viral. A

real estate agent going by the name of “Brian H.” tweeted: “They look like kids. How old are

they? Are Asian women even attracted to their own men?”

Across the globe in Australia, George, an Asian Australian man, appeared on the dating

show “Take Me Out.” When he walked out to greet the thirty women waiting for him, six of

them immediately turned off their lights, disqualifying him as a potential partner. Gianna, an

Asian Australian woman, explained, “I kinda have a ‘No Dating Asians’ sort of policy. You

kinda look a bit like my brother.” Sheree, another Asian Australian woman seconded her view,

explaining, “I’m sorry, I have a ‘No Dating Asians Policy’ as well. I don’t wanna be mistaken as,

like, brother and sister. It could get awkward.”

Although Brian H., the real estate agent, was promptly fired and Gianna apologized to

George, their comments reflect the harsh reality faced by Asian men. In the realm of romance,

people are quick to label their racial preferences as just a “personal preference” (Poon & Ho,

2008). But what happens when these “personal preferences” exclude an entire demographic from

a vital part of their lives --- intimate relationships? Why do these preferences exist? Furthermore,

what can they reveal about larger inequalities that exist globally and particularly in the United

States?
 2

In this chapter, I explore why Asian men are perceived as undesirable romantic partners

in the Western world. First, Asian Americans experience prejudice and discrimination and are

often considered “forever foreigners” (Sue et al., 2007), which leads to questions about their

citizenship and belonging. Second, throughout history, Asian men have been feminized and

devalued in a patriarchal society. As such, they face barriers in achieving a hegemonic

masculinity rooted in Whiteness.

I start by exploring the historical stereotypes of Asian American men and how they

originally became feminized in the U.S.

HISTORICAL STEREOTYPES OF ASIAN AMERICAN MEN

“Yellow Peril”: The First Wave of Asian Immigrants in the U.S.

The first major wave of Asian immigration to the US occurred almost two centuries ago,

in the 1850s (Ward, 2008). By 1852, there were 25,000 Chinese in California, most of whom

arrived to partake in the Gold Rush (Ward, 2008). Chinese men were a curious sight to behold

for White Americans. Due to their queues (long braids) and traditional garb, they were

immediately seen as not only foreign, but also feminine (Chen, 1996). As such, they suffered

from a gendered form of racism. However, gold mining businesses, factories, plantation owners,

and railroad companies all eagerly hired Chinese men for their cheap labor. When the Central

Pacific Railroad was completed and the US entered a period of depression, jobs became scarce

and resentment grew against Chinese laborers (Chen, 1996). This marked the beginning of the

“Yellow Peril” stereotype, or the idea that Asians would forcibly conquer the West, which

became the lens of fear through which Asians would be viewed (Kawai, 2005). White laborers

regularly attacked Chinese laborers whom they believed were taking their jobs. In one
 3

particularly violent event, the Rock Spring Massacre (1885), White miners in Rock Spring,

Wyoming, attacked and killed at least 28 Chinese miners.

The government had little sympathy for Chinese laborers and passed a series of record-

breaking laws to regulate the immigration of Chinese. In 1875, the US passed the Page Law to

“end the danger of cheap Chinese labor and immoral Chinese women” (Peffer, 1986, p. 28). This

law served the dual purpose of trying to protect the jobs of White male laborers while also

keeping Chinese prostitutes from immigrating to the US. However, in practice it excluded

virtually all Chinese women (Chen, 1996), precluding Chinese men from romantic relationships

with Chinese women. In a patriarchal society where hegemonic masculinity is premised upon

heterosexual relationships, the law served to emasculate Asian men.

The Page Law was soon followed in 1882 by the Chinese Exclusion Act (Espiritu, 2008),

the first law in the nation to bar immigration based on race or nationality. The Chinese Exclusion

Act also prevented Chinese immigrants from becoming US citizens. Next, in 1892, the

government passed the Geary Act, forcing Chinese Americans to carry a permit at all times to

avoid deportation. All of these laws had the intended effect of deterring Chinese from

immigrating to the US, while also holding them as second-class citizens. At the same time,

however, Asian immigrants from other countries, such as Japan, arrived to take the jobs unfilled

by Chinese (Espiritu, 2008). The Yellow Peril designation quickly shifted to these other groups

of immigrants and again led to laws that restricted their immigration. In 1907, Japan and the US

forged the Gentleman’s Agreement which prevented more Japanese from immigrating to the US,

while giving existing Japanese residents more rights, such as the right to bring over wives and

families (Espiritu, 2008). However, the most severe law would follow in 1917, when the

Immigration Act, also known as the Asiatic Barred Zone Act, was passed to bar almost all of
 4

Asia (notable exceptions were Japan and the Philippines) from immigrating to the US (Espiritu,

2008). The totality of these acts quickly made Asians into an undesirable people, with Asian men

at the top of the list because of the threat they posed to the White patriarchal structure upon

which U.S. capitalism was built.

The Domestication of Asian American Men

While Japanese men had the ability to bring their wives and to form families, most Asian

immigrant men were not as lucky. From 1870 to 1890, the percentage of Chinese women (out of

the total Chinese population in the US) dropped from an already-low 7% to 4% (Okihiro, 1994).

Other Asian immigrant groups, such as Filipinos, Asian Indians, and Koreans, also faced an

overwhelming shortage of women (Espiritu, 2008). Under growing concerns that Asian men, in

the absence of Asian women, would pursue White women as love interests, the US government

swiftly passed anti-miscegenation laws. Under these laws, Asian men were subject to fines or

imprisonment for marrying White women, whereas White women would have their citizenship

revoked for marrying Asian men (Chen, 1996). Due to the growing hostility against Japanese

immigrants and their families, the Immigration Act was extended to Japan and the Philippines in

1924 (Espiritu, 2008) and Japanese men lost the privilege of bringing their wives. In a sense,

Asian men were symbolically castrated, prevented from forming intimate relationships or

families and forced to live in state of perpetual bachelorhood.

In the absence of women, many Asian men formed transnational families hoping to

eventually be reunited with their wives who lived abroad (Espiritu, 2008). In the US, the men

learned to carry out the domestic work traditionally performed by women (Espiritu, 2008). These

skills came in handy as employers discriminated against Asian men, hiring White men for

desirable jobs such as factory work. Chinese men looked for alternative jobs. Many became
 5

cooks or dishwashers, or opened laundromats and restaurants (Chen, 1996). By 1900, one in four

Chinese men worked at a laundromat (Takaki, 2012). Due in part to these roles, popular imagery

compared Chinese men to women, wearing long queues and silky gowns, and often in service to

Whites (Chen, 1996).

“Perpetual Foreigners” Yet “Model Minorities”: The Second Wave of Asian Immigrants

in America

Given the laws inspired by Yellow Peril, Asian immigration was almost nonexistent in

the decades following the passage of the Immigration Act. This period of time was characterized

by extreme discriminatory acts against Asian Americans. Of these, one of the most noteworthy

was the internment of Japanese Americans during the World War II. After the bombing of Pearl

Harbor, the majority of Japanese Americans in the continental US – over 110,000 people – were

forcibly removed from their homes and taken to concentration camps, where they would spend

the next two to three years of their lives (Nagata, 1998). Most of those held in the camps were in

fact “nisei” (2nd generation) or “sansei” (3rd generation), and therefore US citizens. Although

these individuals had spent their entire lives in the US and had few ties to Japan, they were

treated as foreign agents. Their treatment reflects the “perpetual foreigner” stereotype still faced

by Asian Americans today (Tsuda, 2014), which means that while many Asian Americans have

legal citizenship, they still aren’t considered “real” citizens by some in the U.S.

After World War II, the US government began to permit Asians to immigrate to the

country, but only in small numbers. Strict quotas prevented most people from immigrating.

However, Asian Americans were finally allowed to become citizens under the McCarran–Walter

Act of 1952. Then, at the height of the Civil Rights Movement, the Immigration and Nationality

Act of 1965 was passed, releasing the prior quotas and abolishing immigration restrictions based
 6

on race or nationality (Chin, 1996). Instead, immigrants were given preference based on their

familial relations, skills, and refugee status (Kanjanapan, 1995). Thus, highly-skilled Asian

professionals, such as engineers, programmers, scientists, and healthcare providers, flooded into

the US from countries including the Philippines, India, China, and Taiwan (Kanjanapan, 1995).

This “brain drain” (Kanjanapan, 1995) from Asian countries strongly impacted popular

perceptions of Asian Americans. People now saw Asians in technical positions, earning more on

average than White Americans (Duleep & Sanders, 1992). This second large wave of immigrants

thus gave rise to the modern view of Asians Americans as “model minorities,” a term coined by

a 1982 Newsweek article (Hurh & Kim, 1989).

The “success” of Asian Americans would now serve as evidence that the American

Dream is real. Views of Asians as “highly educated, proficient with technology, and affluent”

continue to be widely propagated by mainstream magazines (Paek & Shah, 2003, p. 225),

primetime television (Taylor & Stern, 1997), and now, top YouTube videos (Guo & Harlow,

2014). Hence, Asian Americans are seen as models for other minorities to follow, yet still

foreigners. Some people label Asian Americans as “honorary whites,” claiming that there is no

more racism against them (Zhou, 2004), but is this really the case? In the next section, I explore

the portrayal of Asian American men in the media, which is reflective of public perception of

and discourse around this group.

ASIAN AMERICAN MEN IN THE MEDIA: EMASCULATED,

INVISIBLE, AND EVIL

Take a few moments to think of sexy Asian men in the media. Can you think of anyone?

Thanks to the groundbreaking blockbuster hit, Crazy Rich Asians (2018), you might have

thought of Henry Golding, the half English and half Malaysian actor who played Nick Young.
 7

Crazy Rich Asians was celebrated for its full Asian cast and for being one of the first feature

films in the US to feature an Asian man as the romantic lead. Unlike Jet Li, who played Romeo

in Romeo Must Die (2000), Golding’s character got to “kiss the girl.” According to the

documentary The Slanted Screen, Li’s kiss with R&B singer Aaliyah, who played Juliet, was

replaced with a hug because the test audience didn’t like it (Adachi, 2006).

Long before Young and Li came on screen a Japanese man named Sessue Hayakawa was

one of the most popular male sex symbols of the time. Hayakawa immigrated to the US as a

young adult and worked as a highly-paid silent film actor in the 1910s-1920s, starring opposite

many leading actresses (Adachi, 2006). Unlike other Asian men, he was shown as “handsome,

suave, dashing, and sophisticated” (Mok, 1998, p. 189) and often played roles in which he

seduced White women (Adachi, 2006). However, in the century to come, few Asian American

men would follow in his footsteps, and none would reach his level of success.

Following Hayakawa’s success, Asian American men mostly were seen in stereotypical

roles. Even worse, these roles were typically played by White men in yellow face, partly due to

new rules regarding onscreen interracial romance. The Motion Picture Production Code of 1930

banned interracial romance between White women and non-White men. However, White men

were still allowed to romance non-White women (Brooks & Hébert, 2006). This policy

difference is emblematic of the threat to White masculinity if a White woman was depicted as

preferring an Asian man over a White man and is also reflected in anti-miscegenation laws, as

discussed above. In the next decades, depictions of Asian men onscreen would fall into three

archetypes: the evil Dr. Fu Manchu, the good Charlie Chan, and the Kung Fu Master.

The evil Dr. Fu Manchu character was the first to arise in the 1920s, and was usually

played by White men in yellow face (Mok, 1998). The character was distinct, clad in a
 8

traditional gown with exaggerated features such as highly arched brows, slanted eyes, sharp

cheekbones, and a long, thin, downturned mustache. In direct contrast with views of Asian men

as weak and subservient, Dr. Fu Manchu was a cunning, immoral, and sexually repulsive villain

intent on raping White women and destroying the Western world (Mok, 1998). This attempt to

paint Asian men as evil and morally corrupt was rooted in the Yellow Peril stereotype and served

as a way for White men to maintain their status at the top of the hierarchy (Espiritu, 2008).

The Charlie Chan character, which rose in the following decade, reflected a contrasting

view of Asians. Chan, also played by a White actor, was a likeable and intelligent Asian

American detective. However, he was also feminine in nature and showed little hint of having

any kind of a sexuality (Mok, 1998). He would go about “spouting ‘Confucian-based, fortune

cookie maxims” (Mok, 1998, p. 191). This extremely popular character furthered the stereotype

of Asian men as asexual.

The tide turned somewhat in the 1970s, with the introduction of Bruce Lee as a Kung Fu

Master in the television show The Green Hornet (1966). He represented a different version of

Asian men – not only smart, but strong and agile. However, like Dr. Fu Manchu, he was still

“dangerous, exotic, and menacing”(Mok, 1998, p. 191). Furthermore, his characters were often

subservient to White men, like Charlie Chan, as he fought at the behest of White men (Adachi,

2006).

The roles that would follow from the 1980s up until now would mostly fit these same

archetypes, with some updates. The Fu Manchu character can still be seen in depictions of

foreign gangsters, samurai, and ninjas, in a fusion with the Kung Fu Master archetype.

Hollywood films such as The Last Samurai (2003), Kill Bill (2003), and Bulletproof Monk

(2003) feature White protagonists while positioning Asian Fu Manchu characters as not only
 9

immoral and misogynistic, but also inferior (Tierney, 2006). Asian men who are “good” only

exist to serve the White protagonist (Tierney, 2006). Meanwhile, Asian women are shown falling

for White men over Asian men (even in the 1993 Asian American film, The Joy Luck Club),

further reinforcing the message that White men are superior (Shek, 2007).

Presently, Asian men are typecast in a few other ways. Reflecting the model minority

stereotype, they often play businessmen, computer whizzes, scientists, or other nerdy characters

(e.g., George Takei and Garrett Wong in Star Trek, Kunal Nayyar in The Big Bang Theory, Jian-

Yang in Silicon Valley) (Brooks & Hébert, 2006; Mok, 1998; Taylor & Stern, 1997) who are

technically skilled but devoid of passion and creativity (Wang, 2010). Even in reality TV shows

in which contestants compete in non-technical fields, such as Top Chef and Project Runway,

Asian Americans are depicted as “technical robots,” praised for their technical expertise but

berated for their lack of “soul” (Wang, 2010). For instance, Hung Huynh, who later won Top

Chef, was criticized for drawing from a French influence rather than traditional Vietnamese

cuisine, and therefore being inauthentic (Wang, 2010). His competitor said of him (Wang, 2010,

p. 410), “Hung is the best technical cook. But in my world, the best food has heart and when you

don’t have one it doesn’t taste as good.”

Asian men also serve as comic relief. In The Hangover (2009), Ken Jeong plays Leslie

Chow, a wannabe gangster with flamboyant mannerisms and a skinny build. He speaks in

“broken” English and at one point pops out of a car trunk completely naked, wielding a crowbar,

and yelling, “You gonna fuck on me?” Rather than depicting Asian men as a "whole" people,

these modern portrayals paint them as caricatures lacking in relatability and essential human

qualities like “heart” (Wang, 2010).

 10

Jackie Chan is also known for his comedic roles, in particular as the goofy sidekick of

Chris Tucker’s character in the Rush Hour series. Most people do not realize, however, that Chan

is seen through a completely different lens in Asia. He has acted in dramatic roles and even in

sex scenes [e.g., Shinjuku Incident (2009)]. Other Asian American men (e.g., the Hong Kong

movie star, Daniel Wu) move to Asia to become successful actors, despite being born and raised

in the US. As stated by Frank Chin, Asian men must go to Asia to be taken seriously (Adachi,

2006). Both the older and modern roles played by Asian men in Western films have one thing in

common: they portray Asian men as undeniably unsexy.

Very recently, we have seen a few examples of Asian men appearing onscreen in “sexier”

roles. However, an interesting pattern has emerged: the Asian men in these leading roles are

typically of Eurasian (European and Asian) descent, like Henry Golding of Crazy Rich Asians.

His character was supposed to be of full Asian (Singaporean Chinese) descent. Furthermore, the

“reinvention” of the one-fourth Asian (Chinese and Hawaiian) Keanu Reeves as an Asian

American sex symbol (previously seen as a White male sex symbol) following the success of

Netflix’s Always Be My Maybe (2019) also points out the current popularity of Eurasian men. It

is perhaps the case that their Anglo features give them access to White masculinity and thus they

appear “sexier” and less foreign to US audiences, while simultaneously fulfilling the call for

diversity on the big screen. Nevertheless, the curious absence of monoracial Asian men as sex

symbols in Western media suggests that they are viewed as unmanly as compared to White men.

As one young Asian man said (Eguchi & Starosta, 2012, p. 93), “[Non-Asian Americans in

general] exploit our women and make all the Asian men look like they’re weak, they’re non-

existent, they’re not around, and if they are, then they’re nerds or they’re nerdy businessmen.”
 11

This view has consequences for Asian American men’s intimate relationships as well as their

professional outcomes.

Not So Lucky in Love: The Plight of Asian American Men

For too many people, attraction is seen as just a personal preference that cannot be

helped. Researchers have suggested that per social exchange theory, which states that people

weigh the costs and benefits of a relationship to decide whether to enter or stay in the

relationship (Blau, 1964), Asian Americans should be more desirable as partners due to their

greater wealth and education (Lee, 2015). However, the numbers paint a stark picture indicating

that despite their “model minority” status, Asian American men are being shut out from one of

the most important aspects of their lives – intimate relationships.

Various studies indicate that in the US, Asians are among the most excluded groups as

dating partners. Levin, Taylor, and Caudle (2007) found at a diverse university that White and

Black students were more likely to date Latinx students than Asian American students, despite

the relatively limited numbers of Latinx students on campus. Similarly, Chen et al. (2001) found

that White students preferred to date Mexican American or Black students over Asian

Americans. In an online dating study (Hitsch et al., 2006), Asian men received one-fourth as

many first contact messages from White women compared to White men (Black and Latinx men

received half as many). The researchers further investigated the “cost” to be equally as

successful as a White man at attracting White women, finding that Latinx men needed to earn

$77,000 more a year in income than a White man, Black men needed to earn $154,000 more a

year, and Asian men needed to earn $247,000 more a year. Clearly, there are penalties that come

with dating while Asian.

 12

A closer look reveals more complex patterns involving gender. Among online daters,

White men tended to exclude Black women, whereas White women tended to exclude Asian

men (Feliciano et al., 2009). Even Asian American women exclude Asian men. In a study of

online daters, only 78% of Asian American women were willing to date Asian men, whereas

92% were willing to date White men. Meanwhile, 97% of Asian American men were willing to

date Asian women, and 76% were willing to date White women (Hwang, 2013). Another study

found that White men were more willing to be in an interracial relationship than were White

women, especially if the relationship was with an Asian women (Herman & Campbell, 2012).

Therefore, Asian women are more accepted as dating partners than are Asian men.

These preferences translate into gender disparities among Asian Americans in casual

dating like “hooking up” (McClintock, 2010), committed relationships (Kao et al., 2018), and

interracial relationships and marriage (2015 American Community Survey, as cited in Kao,

Balistreri, & Joyner, 2018). Using the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent to Adult

Health dataset, researchers found that among young American men of various races (White,

Black, Hispanic, and Asian), Asian Americans are the least likely to be in a romantic relationship

(Kao, Balistreri, & Joyner, 2018). For Asian American women, the same trend is seen in

adolescence but not in adulthood (Kao, Balistreri, & Joyner, 2018). Furthermore, Asian

American men are much less likely than Asian American women to be interracial relationships

and marriages. One in three Asian American women is interracially dating compared to one in

ten Asian American men, and 36% of Asian American women are in interracial marriages,

compared to 21% of Asian American men (Kao, Balistreri, & Joyner, 2018). As one Asian

American man stated (Chou, Lee, & Ho, 2015, p. 311), “Being that you are Asian, it definitely
 13

limits you to…the amount of different girls you can go for. If you are an Asian guy, girls you can

pretty much go for are Asian girls. Going for other ethnicities is definitely much harder.”

Of note, this phenomenon is also perpetuated by gay Asian men. Compared to

heterosexual men, both heterosexual women and gay men have a greater tendency to exclude

Asians as partners in online dating profiles (Tsunokai et al., 2014). Another study of online

dating ads found that 3% of heterosexual Asian American men compared to 31% of gay Asian

American men were only willing to date Whites (Phua & Kaufman, 2003). For further

comparison, only 8% of gay Asian American men were only willing to date other Asians.

Another study of online dating profiles found that although Asian, Latino, and Black gay men

were all more likely than White gay men to exclude their own ethnicity when dating, Asian men

had particularly high rates of self-exclusion (Rafalow et al., 2017). Among gay men, the same

racial hierarchy was observed as in heterosexual relationships, with White men as the most

frequently preferred partner, followed by Latino men, Black men, and finally, Asian men

(Rafalow et al., 2017). These imbalances are so severe that in 2018, Asian American TV

executive Sinakhone Kedoara announced his intentions to file a class-action lawsuit against the

gay dating app Grindr due to rampant discrimination faced by Asian American men (and to a

lesser extent, Black men). In response, Grindr launched #KindrGrindr, a campaign to discourage

discrimination. Grindr is now removing discriminatory language from profiles and banning users

who use hateful language.

Understanding the “No Dating Asians Policy”

Sheree from the dating show Take Me Out believes that she doesn’t date Asians because

she and her partner would be mistaken for siblings. Clearly, this is not a valid reason for the “No

Dating Asians Policy,” or else people of other ethnicities would similarly self-exclude. In fact,
 14

with the exception of perhaps Asian Americans, people overwhelmingly prefer same-race

partners (Fisman et al., 2008; Liu et al., 1995). What else might account then for the exclusion of

Asian American men, especially relative to Asian American women?

Some people claim that height is the cause of exclusion. Researchers have found that

White women with height preferences are more likely to exclude Asian men as partners

(Feliciano, et al., 2009). However, multiple studies have found that differences in height do not

adequately account for the racial disparities in dating (Kao, et al., 2018; Lewis, 2012). Instead,

perceptions of attractiveness may explain these disparities (Fisman, et al., 2008; Lewis, 2012). In

Fisman et al.’s (2008) speed-dating study of graduate students, Asian American men and women

were rated as the least attractive (compared to White, Hispanic, and Black Americans) by speed-

dating partners, even by their other-sex counterparts. For Asian men, these ratings almost fully

explained racial preferences against them. Indeed, studies have found that interracial daters are

more physically attractive, suggesting that beauty may lure people across the color lines when it

comes to dating (Wu et al., 2015). But how do we decide who is attractive? And what is the

connection between attractiveness and a person’s social value?

The media tend to play a key role in shaping people’s view of reality (Gerbner et al.,

1986) and thus whom we perceive as attractive. Indeed, White college students who watch more

TV are more likely to believe stereotypes about Asian Americans, like the “model minority”

stereotype (Ramasubramanian, 2011). Other studies have supported perceptions of Asian

Americans as “nerdy” (Zhang, 2010) and have further found that people who believe in the

“model minority” stereotype are more racist towards Asian Americans, despite positive

connotations of the stereotype (Ho & Jackson, 2001).

 15

Perhaps as a result of media depictions, even Asian Americans view Whites of the other

sex as more physically attractive than their same-race counterparts (Liu et al., 1995). Chou et al.

(2015) interviewed 14 Asian American college students, finding that many believed that Asian

features were nerdy. One man, Ted, explained (p. 310), “If you compare a typical Asian

American face, and what’s considered to be a more attractive American face, the features are

definitely sharper in the American. The bone structure is different. A lot of Asians, well this is

really bad, but they have a nerdy look to them.”

Another study found that White men saw Asians as less masculine and more feminine,

and furthermore found Asian men who looked more stereotypically Asian to be less masculine

and less good looking (Wilkins et al., 2011). Although this study found no relationship between

how stereotypically Asian women looked and their perceived attractiveness, Asian American

men have expressed a distaste for Asian women with Asian features. One interviewee, a Korean

adoptee named Ryan, described the few Asian women that he found good looking (Shiao &

Tuan, 2008, p. 275): “I think they might fit more into the—what the typical American would

consider a beauty or . . . not as round, typical round or flat Asian features … It’s somewhat of a

difficult issue for me. Just because it’s almost [like] I’m hitting on myself.” Ryan not only

subscribes to the view of Asian features as unattractive, but also echoes Sheree’s (the dating

show contestant) sentiment of not wanting to date someone who looks like them. Gay Asian men

show the same tendencies, describing their preference for young White men as simply a normal

desire for someone who is different, rather than arising from self-hatred (Poon & Ho, 2008).

Indeed, Asian Americans often describe traditionally Asian features as dull, passive, and

emotionless (Kaw, 1993), which reflects stereotypes of Asians as socially inept. These
 16

perceptions may also bleed into evaluations of Asian Americans in the workplace, particularly

with regards to leadership positions that call for social skills.

Liu et al. (1995) posit that views of Whites as more beautiful serve as a strategy for Asian

Americans to gain higher status through dating and marrying Whites. Indeed, among East Asian

international students in the US, White partners were seen as superior to East Asian partners not

only in their looks (e.g., having more “three-dimensional” versus “flat and round” faces, p. 411),

but also in their status (e.g., “when we see a white person, we see well-educated, rich, and tall,”

Ritter, 2015, p. 410). Given these perceptions, Asian men are at a distinct disadvantage in the

U.S., in no small part due to perceptions of their masculinity.

What Makes a Man?

The West thinks of itself as masculine — big guns, big industry, big money — so the

East is feminine — weak, delicate, poor … but good at art, and full of inscrutable

wisdom — the feminine mystique. – Madame Butterfly (Hwang, 1988)

As stated by the character Song Liling, a Chinese male opera singer disguised as a

woman, Westerners see themselves as masculine and Easterners as feminine. Accordingly, Asian

men’s masculinity is often the brunt of the joke and has been ridiculed by celebrities including

talk show host Steve Harvey who once declared, “You like Asian men? I don’t even like Chinese

food” (Yam, 2017). Filipina Australian model Lily May Mac notoriously tweeted, “If another

short old Asian dude tries buying me a drink, I’m going to puke on them” (Gollayan, 2017).

Finally, comedian Louis C.K. (an alleged sexual harasser) issued a gendered attack of Asian men

by saying, “You know why Asian guys have small dicks? ‘Cause they’re women…”, and further

adding, “…they procreate using math” (Yam, 2018).

 17

Indeed, views of Asian men as feminine are widespread. Johnson et al. (2012) found that

in a computerized task, people struggled to correctly categorize the faces of Asian men and

Black women as “male” and “female” respectively, but were quick to correctly categorize the

faces of Asian women and Black men. Thus, “race is gendered” in accordance with popular

stereotypes (Johnson et al. 2012, p. 116). Qualitative studies support these findings as both

heterosexual women and gay men explain their rejection of Asian men through hegemonic ideals

for which the ideal masculinity is White (Chou et al., 2015; Han, 2006b). While Black and

Latinx men are viewed as hypermasculine (e.g., aggressive, violent, promiscuous), Asian men

are viewed as hyperfeminine objects of desire, much like Asian women (Han, 2006a). The

feminization of Asians boosts Asian women’s sexual allure while dampening Asian men’s sexual

allure (Chou et al., 2015), helping to explain some of the gender disparities in exclusion.

However, there is a flipside for Asian women, where they often face sexualized racism and are

harassed with statements like, “Oh little Asian girl I would definitely like to bang you” (Chou et

al., 2015, p. 307).

Hegemonic ideals extend beyond men’s physicality to their psychological traits. One

Asian American woman expressed that White men were superior to Asian men in their

independence, egalitarianism, aggression, and success (Chou et al., 2015, p. 311):

I look for predominantly white males as partners, specifically those who are over 5′10′′ in

height, with similar education level, and are career ambitious. I prefer White men because

they are more independent and don’t have a tendency to be as needy as Asian men in

relationships. Also, my mom has somewhat encouraged me to seek White men because

she believes they are more likely to take on equal child-rearing responsibilities. My mom

has always complained about how my father did very little to raise me and my brothers.
 18

But in general, I prefer white men because they’re more aggressive in all aspects of life,

more independent, and are more readily seen as successful.

Accordingly, White women and both native-born and foreign-born Asian American

women rate Asian American men as more traditional in their gender roles, and White men as

more masculine, physically attractive, independent, and outgoing (Chua & Fujino, 1999).

Coping with Hegemonic Masculinity

Aside from affecting men’s intimate relationships, hegemonic masculinity ideals also

impact Asian American men’s psychological well-being. They often struggle with their self-

image and their body satisfaction (Lu & Wong, 2013). Whereas White men indicate that they

match their ideal body, Asian men indicate that they are smaller than their ideal (Barnett et al.,

2001). Furthermore, among Asian American men, both acculturation and internalization of

media ideals predicts drive for muscularity, supporting the impact of socialization on

psychological distress (H.-L. Cheng et al., 2016).

Some Asian American men cope with ideals by pursuing hypermasculine activities like

joining Asian American fraternities (Chou et al., 2015), which may counter stereotypes of Asians

as weak (Tran & Chang, 2019). However, researchers find that rather than redefining

masculinity, these fraternities reinforce dominant ideals through hypermasculine activities like

“hazing, binge drinking, and objectifying women” (Tran & Chang, 2019, p.75). One pledge

member, Michael Deng, died during the “Glass Ceiling” hazing ritual in which pledge members

are beaten and insulted as they attempt to “break through” the glass ceiling (Tran & Chang,

2019). When they complete the ritual, they become “men.”

Although many Asian American men attempt to conform to hegemonic ideals, others

may renegotiate their masculine identities. Lu and Wong (2013) found that some Asian
 19

American men focused on aspects of masculinity consistent with model minority stereotypes,

such as having a good career and providing for one’s family. Another study similarly found that

Asian American men connected masculinity the most with a good career and wealth (Chua &

Fujino, 1999).

Korean American actor Ki Hong Lee plays “Dong” in the Netflix show Unbreakable

Kimmy Schmidt (2015), an undocumented immigrant from Vietnam who fits the model minority

stereotype (Setiaki & Destari, 2019). He is hardworking and good at math. However, he is also

funny, assertive, and, importantly, emotionally sensitive (Setiaki & Destari, 2019). He competes

with a rich, handsome, and athletic White man for a White woman’s (Kimmy) heart. In the end,

Kimmy picks Dong for his good heart (Setiaki & Destari, 2019). As Setiaki and Destari (2019, p.

112) state, “Dong represents Asian American men’s agency in negotiating and reconstructing

their masculinity and identity.” He transgresses hegemonic ideals of masculinity and is

ultimately judged to be superior. Yet, characters like Dong are fairly rare in US media and

notably, this portrayal is on a streaming platform rather than a major television network.

“If I Wanted a Girl…”: The Experiences of Gay Asian Men

Gay Asian men, who are both feminized and objectified, face further challenges. Gay

Asian men are forced to behave in accordance with prescribed roles as the feminine partner in

the relationship (Han, 2006b). Indeed, gay Asian men interviewed by Kumashiro (1999, p. 501)

reported experiencing gendered racism: “Asian men are smooth. Expected to be submissive.

Expected to be quiet and not speak up and express their feelings. And they’re supposed to be

small-dicked.” Eguchi, a gay Asian male scholar, reports being asked to upkeep his femme

appearance and to do the housework (2011). Like Asian women, gay Asian men are objectified

and fetishized by White men (Kumashiro, 1999) and also feminized. In gay pornography, Asian-
 20

Asian pairings serve to please White men, much like girl-on-girl pornography for heterosexual

men (Han, 2006b). As with girl-on girl pornography, these acts are performative. When asked

about why he would not date another Asian man, a gay Asian man responded, “It would be like

dating my sister” (Han, 2006b, p. 19). Thus, gay Asian men use the same rationale for the “No

Dating Asian Policy” as heterosexual Asian American men and women and further internalize

views of themselves as feminine.

Additionally, despite pressure to adhere to the femme role, gay Asian men may be

subjected to sissyphobia, or the rejection of feminine men by the gay community (Bergling,

2001). “If I wanted to fuck a girl, I would find one,” Han (2006b, p.5) reports hearing from a gay

man. To cope with their experiences of rejection and their internalization of masculine ideals,

some gay Asian men reframe their experiences, for instance, seeing themselves as good partners

rather than good lovers: “Asian men are slim and cute but not good in bed . . . they are lovely.

They are better for long-term relationships. They are caring and considerate but they are

sensitive too. . . sometimes a little sentimental’ (Poon & Ho, 2008, p.255). Others present

themselves as different from the norm, both in their physical and psychological attributes (Poon

& Ho, 2008, p. 256): “[Gay Asian men] need a superior macho icon like me.” These

performative aspects of gay Asian men’s masculinity are grounded in stereotypes of a feminized

Asia ultimately designed to be subservient to the Western world.

Conclusion

Due to views of Asians as foreign and threatening, Asian American men were historically

prevented from forming intimate relationships through laws such as the Page Law and the

Chinese Exclusion Act. These laws are now long gone; however, the exclusion of Asian
 21

American men is still perpetuated socially through media portrayals of Asian American men,

resulting in the “No Dating Asian Policy.” Although many Asian Americans explain self-

exclusion through personal preferences for difference (e.g., not wanting to look like siblings, not

wanting to “date oneself”), a closer look reveals that perceptions of attractiveness and

masculinity are at play. Asian American men are systemically emasculated and excluded as

dating and marriage partners.

Although I focused on intimate relationships in this chapter, it should be noted that the

consequences reach beyond dating. In the workplace, the emasculation of Asian men jeopardizes

their chances for upward mobility. For example, in one study, college students were asked to

nominate classmates as leaders (Cheng, 1996). White men were the most likely to be nominated,

followed by White women who were viewed as more masculine, and Asian American men were

the least likely to be nominated. Students believed that their nominations were based on merit

and explained them through qualities consistent with hegemonic masculinity, such as

individualism and confidence – traits that Asian American men supposedly lack. Therefore,

Asian American men experience the intersections of race, class, gender, sexuality, and

citizenship in ways that not only create challenges for dating and marriage, but also create

challenges for their upward mobility.

This chapter also did not address issues faced by Asian American women. Although

Asian American women do not face as much rejection in the dating market as their male

counterparts, they do face racism and discrimination. Like Asian American men, they are often

invisible in the media due to “White-washing.” While Asian men are emasculated on screen,

Asian women are instead exoticized, oversexualized, and objectified-- depicted as dangerously

seductive “Dragon Ladies” or pure and submissive “Lotus Blossoms” (Mok, 1998). As a result,
 22

Asian American women face sexualized racism and “yellow fever,” or being fetishized for being

Asian (Chou et al., 2015). Even more so than Asian American men, Asian American women

struggle with accepting both their bodies and faces, in particular, the features that symbolize

racial differences (e.g., eyes, noses) (Mintz & Kashubeck, 1999). Professionally, Asian

American women may face even more discrimination (Milkman et al., 2015) and barriers to

advancement (Fernandez, 1998; Li, 2014) than their male counterparts. Furthermore, due to

their double minority status, they are particularly likely to experience sexual harassment at work

(Berdahl & Moore, 2006). Therefore, the racialized experiences of Asian American women also

deserve attention.

Looking forward, we may see more Asian men in Western media, perhaps redefining

masculinity like Dong in Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. Yet, interesting questions remain.

Intimate relationships are notably different from other types of relationships in that one cannot be

magically attracted to another person. Who bears the burden then, of the rejection of Asian men?

Should individuals be “forgiven” for their racial preferences in dating, or should they date people

whom they are not attracted to? Should Asian American men “ren nai” and endure it? Should

they try to change themselves to fit hegemonic ideals? Or, do we wait for characters like Dong to

hopefully change the views of the next generation?

Questions for Discussion

1. What racial preferences, if any, do you have regarding your dating partners? How do you

think your preferences (or lack of preferences) developed? Do you think they are simply

“personal preferences”? Why or why not?

 23

2. In what ways is the model minority stereotype helpful to Asian American men? In what

ways is it harmful?

Additional Resources

Documentaries

 The Slanted Screen: Hollywood’s Representation of Asian Men in Film &

Television (2006)

 The Ugly Model (2019)

 The Chinese Exclusion Act (2017)

 Hollywood Chinese (2007)

 Linsanity (2013)

Podcasts

 A Very Offensive Romcom (2019):

https://www.npr.org/programs/invisibilia/710046991/a-very-offensive-rom-

com?showDate=2019-04-05

 'Least Desirable'? How Racial Discrimination Plays Out In Online Dating

(2018): https://www.npr.org/2018/01/09/575352051/least-desirable-how-racial-

discrimination-plays-out-in-online-dating
 24

Books/articles

 Espiritu, Y.L. (2008). Asian American Women and Men: Labor, Laws, and Love.

Plymouth, UK: Rowman & Littlefield.

 Ng, F.M. (2008). Steer Toward Rock: A Novel. New York City, New York:

Hachette Books.

 Tizon, A. (2014). Big Little Man: In Search of My Asian Self. Boston, MA:

Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.

 Kang, J.C. (2017, August 9). What a Fraternity Hazing Death Revealed About the

Painful Search for an Asian-American Identity. The New York Times. Retrieved

from https://www.nytimes.com/2017/08/09/magazine/what-a-fraternity-hazing-

death-revealed-about-the-painful-search-for-an-asian-american-identity.html

 Lee, A. (2019, July 12). When a Dating Dare Leads to Months of Soul Searching.

The New York Times. Retrieved from

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/07/12/style/modern-love-asian-racism-same-

same-but-different.html

Websites

 Angry Asian Man: http://blog.angryasianman.com/

YouTube Videos
 25

 Asian Enough? | David Huynh | TEDxVermilionStreet:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wc-Mzf3ztcs

 Asian Misrepresentation in Media | Peter Westacott | TEDxIthacaCollege:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRvWwrQWsVk

 Redefining Asian Masculinity | Kevin Kreider | TEDxBergenCommunityCollege:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bEloVeiZaJg

 Kevin Kreider On Dating While Asian | Perspectives:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nAo_mZMIUgg

 NO DATING ASIANS POLICY - Take Me Out AU:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFnpL42KqUE

 Where Stereotypes About Asian-American Men Come From | Take Back| NBC

Asian America: https://youtu.be/5KF18Cqy53o

 Why Aren't Asian Men Sexy?: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-

WZVerBzPXQ

 10 PROBLEMS ASIANS ARE FACING RIGHT NOW in 2019! // Fung Bros:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yc3l8Xsk4k4

Intersections IRL

1. Divide the class into small groups and give each group 5 minutes to list as many Asian male

movie or TV characters (in Western media) as possible. Then, as a class, write each character on

the board and jot down their defining characters. Ask the class to categorize them into different

categories. What are these categories? How do they relate to stereotypes of Asian men? How do

they relate to historical characters (e.g., Fu Manchu, Charlie Chan, Kung Fu Master)?
 26

2. Listen to the podcast A Very Offensive Romcom and discuss the following question as a class:

https://www.npr.org/programs/invisibilia/710046991/a-very-offensive-rom-

com?showDate=2019-04-05

A. Do you approve of Elle’s “self-improvement program”? Why or why not? If not, what

should Elle have done instead?

B. Would Elle’s “self-improvement program” work for most people? Why or why not?

C. Is it racist to have a racial preference in dating? Why or why not?

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