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Much Ado About Nothing

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ACT III SCENE III A street.

[Enter DOGBERRY and VERGES with the Watch]
DOGBERRY Are you good men and true?
VERGES Yea, or else it were pity but they should suffer
salvation, body and soul.
DOGBERRY Nay, that were a punishment too good for them, if
they should have any allegiance in them, being
chosen for the prince's watch.
VERGES Well, give them their charge, neighbour Dogberry.
DOGBERRY First, who think you the most desertless man to be
constable?
First Watchman Hugh Otecake, sir, or George Seacole; for they can
write and read. 11
DOGBERRY Come hither, neighbour Seacole. God hath blessed
you with a good name: to be a well-favoured man is
the gift of fortune; but to write and read comes by nature.
Second Watchman Both which, master constable,--
DOGBERRY You have: I knew it would be your answer. Well,
for your favour, sir, why, give God thanks, and make
no boast of it; and for your writing and reading,
let that appear when there is no need of such
vanity. You are thought here to be the most
senseless and fit man for the constable of the
watch; therefore bear you the lantern. This is your
charge: you shall comprehend all vagrom men; you are
to bid any man stand, in the prince's name. 25
Second Watchman How if a' will not stand?
DOGBERRY Why, then, take no note of him, but let him go; and
 presently call the rest of the watch together and
thank God you are rid of a knave.
VERGES If he will not stand when he is bidden, he is none
of the prince's subjects.
DOGBERRY True, and they are to meddle with none but the
prince's subjects. You shall also make no noise in
the streets; for, for the watch to babble and to
talk is most tolerable and not to be endured.
Watchman We will rather sleep than talk: we know what 35
belongs to a watch.
DOGBERRY Why, you speak like an ancient and most quiet
watchman; for I cannot see how sleeping should
offend: only, have a care that your bills be not
stolen. Well, you are to call at all the
ale-houses, and bid those that are drunk get them to bed. 42
Watchman How if they will not?
DOGBERRY Why, then, let them alone till they are sober: if
they make you not then the better answer, you may
say they are not the men you took them for.
Watchman Well, sir.
DOGBERRY If you meet a thief, you may suspect him, by virtue
of your office, to be no true man; and, for such
kind of men, the less you meddle or make with them,
why the more is for your honesty. 51
Watchman If we know him to be a thief, shall we not lay
hands on him?
DOGBERRY Truly, by your office, you may; but I think they
that touch pitch will be defiled: the most peaceable
way for you, if you do take a thief, is to let him
show himself what he is and steal out of your company.
VERGES You have been always called a merciful man, partner.
DOGBERRY Truly, I would not hang a dog by my will, much more
a man who hath any honesty in him. 61
VERGES If you hear a child cry in the night, you must call
to the nurse and bid her still it.
Watchman How if the nurse be asleep and will not hear us?
DOGBERRY Why, then, depart in peace, and let the child wake
her with crying; for the ewe that will not hear her
 lamb when it baes will never answer a calf when he bleats.
VERGES 'Tis very true.
DOGBERRY This is the end of the charge:--you, constable, are
to present the prince's own person: if you meet the
prince in the night, you may stay him.
VERGES Nay, by'r our lady, that I think a' cannot. 72
DOGBERRY Five shillings to one on't, with any man that knows
the statues, he may stay him: marry, not without
the prince be willing; for, indeed, the watch ought
to offend no man; and it is an offence to stay a
man against his will.
VERGES By'r lady, I think it be so.
DOGBERRY Ha, ha, ha! Well, masters, good night: an there be
any matter of weight chances, call up me: keep your
fellows' counsels and your own; and good night.
Come, neighbour. 82
Watchman Well, masters, we hear our charge: let us go sit here
upon the church-bench till two, and then all to bed.
DOGBERRY One word more, honest neighbours. I pray you watch
about Signior Leonato's door; for the wedding being
there to-morrow, there is a great coil to-night.
Adieu: be vigitant, I beseech you.

https://www.litcharts.com/shakescleare/shakespeare-translations/much-ado-about-nothing/act-3-
scene-3

Enter DOGBERRY and VERGES with the Watch

DOGBERRY and VERGES enter with several WATCHMEN.
DOGBERRY
Are you good men and true?
DOGBERRY
Are you good and honest men?
VERGES
Yea, or else it were pity but they should suffer salvation, body and soul.
VERGES
They must be, or else they should suffer salvation of body and soul.
DOGBERRY
Nay, that were a punishment too good for them, if5they should have any allegiance
in them, being chosen for the Prince’s watch.
DOGBERRY
No, that punishment would be too good for them, if they had any allegiance in them
when they were chosen to be the Prince's watchmen.

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VERGES
Well, give them their charge, neighbor Dogberry.
VERGES
Well, give them their instructions, Sir Dogberry.
DOGBERRY
First, who think you the most desartless man to beconstable?
DOGBERRY
First, who do you think is most undeserving to be captain of the watch tonight?
FIRST WATCHMAN
10Hugh Oatcake, sir, or George Seacole, for they canwrite and read.
FIRST WATCHMAN
Hugh Oatcake or George Seacole, sir. Both can read and write.
DOGBERRY
Come hither, neighbor Seacole. God hath blessed youwith a good name. To be a
well-favored man is the giftof fortune, but to write and read comes by nature.
DOGBERRY
Come here, Sir Seacole. God has blessed you with a good name. To be a good-
looking man is a gift of luck, but to know how to read and write comes by nature.
SEACOLE
15Both which, Master Constable—
SEACOLE
Both of which, Master Constable—
DOGBERRY
You have. I knew it would be your answer. Well, foryour favor, sir, why, give God
thanks, and make no boastof it, and for your writing and reading, let thatappear when
there is no need of such vanity. You are20thought here to be the most senseless
and fit man forthe constable of the watch; therefore bear you thelantern. This is your
charge: you shall comprehend allvagrom men; you are to bid any man stand, in
thePrince's name.
DOGBERRY
You have. I knew that would be your answer. Well, sir, thank God for your good
looks, and don't boast about this. And as for your reading and writing, only use that
when you can't use your looks. You're considered the most senseless and able man
here, so you'll carry the lantern and be constable of the watch. These are your
instructions: you will comprehend any vagrants you see. You will order all men to
halt, in the Prince's name.
SECOND WATCHMAN
25How if he will not stand?
SECOND WATCHMAN
What if a man won't stop?
DOGBERRY
Why, then, take no note of him, but let him goand presently call the rest of the watch
together andthank God you are rid of a knave.
DOGBERRY
Why, then, don't bother with him. Let him go, and then call the rest of the watch
together, and all of you can thank God that you've gotten rid of a villain.
VERGES
If he will not stand when he is bidden, he is none of30the Prince’s subjects.
VERGES
If he won't stop when ordered to, then he's not one of the Prince's subjects.
DOGBERRY
True, and they are to meddle with none but thePrince’s subjects.—You shall also
make no noise in thestreets; for, for the watch to babble and to talk ismost tolerable
and not to be endured.
DOGBERRY
True, and you are only supposed to deal with the Prince's subjects.

[To all of the watchmen] You also will be quiet in the streets. For a watchman to
babble on and talk is tolerable and not to be endured.
WATCHMAN
35We will rather sleep than talk. We know what belongs toa watch.
WATCHMAN
We'll sleep instead of talk. We know what the duties of a watchman are.
DOGBERRY
Why, you speak like an ancient and most quietwatchman, for I cannot see how
sleeping should offend.Only have a care that your bills be not stolen. Well, you40are
to call at all the alehouses and bid those that aredrunk get them to bed.
DOGBERRY
Why, you speak like an old and quiet watchman, for I don't see how sleeping could
offend anyone. Just be careful that your weapons don't get stolen. Also, you are to
visit all the bars and tell those who are drunk to go to bed.
WATCHMAN
How if they will not?
WATCHMAN
What if they won't?
DOGBERRY
Why, then, let them alone till they are sober. If theymake you not then the better
answer, you may say they45are not the men you took them for.
DOGBERRY
Why, then, leave them alone until they're sober. If they don't agree to go home even
then, you can say that they aren't the men you thought they were.
WATCHMAN
Well, sir.
WATCHMAN
Very well, sir.
DOGBERRY
If you meet a thief, you may suspect him, by virtue ofyour office, to be no true man,
and for such kind ofmen, the less you meddle or make with them, why the more50is
for your honesty.
DOGBERRY
If you meet a thief, you can suspect him—as a watchman—of being dishonest. And
the less you have to do with that kind of man, the more honest you will remain.
WATCHMAN
If we know him to be a thief, shall we not lay handson him?
WATCHMAN
If we know he's a thief, then shouldn't we arrest him?
DOGBERRY
Truly, by your office you may, but I think they thattouch pitch will be defiled. The
most peaceable way for55you, if you do take a thief, is to let him show himselfwhat
he is and steal out of your company.
DOGBERRY
Truly, your position allows you to, but personally I think that those who touch tar will
become unclean themselves. If you do find a thief, the most peaceable thing to do is
to let him prove himself a thief by stealing away from your presence.
VERGES
You have been always called a merciful man, partner.
VERGES
You've always been known as a merciful man, partner.
DOGBERRY
Truly, I would not hang a dog by my will, much more aman who hath any honesty in
him.
DOGBERRY
Truly, I wouldn't even a hang a dog, much more a man with any honesty in him.
VERGES
60[to the Watch] If you hear a child cry in the night,you must call to the nurse and bid
her still it.
VERGES
[To the WATCHMEN] If you hear a child crying in the night, you must call to the
nurse and tell her to quiet it.
WATCHMAN
How if the nurse be asleep and will not hear us?
WATCHMAN
What if the nurse is asleep and won't listen to us?
DOGBERRY
Why then, depart in peace and let the child wake herwith crying, for the ewe that will
not hear her lamb65when it baas will never answer a calf when he bleats.
DOGBERRY
Why then, leave quietly and let the child wake up the nurse with its crying. The ewe
that won't listen to her lamb when it bleats will never listen to a calf.
VERGES
'Tis very true.
VERGES
It's very true.
DOGBERRY
This is the end of the charge. You, constable, are topresent the Prince’s own person.
If you meet the Princein the night, you may stay him.
DOGBERRY
This is the end of your instructions. You, constable, are representing the Prince
himself. If you meet the Prince in the night, you can detain him.
VERGES
70Nay, by 'r Lady, that I think he cannot.
VERGES
No, by the Virgin Mary, I don't think he can.
DOGBERRY
Five shillings to one on ’t, with any man that knowsthe statutes, he may stay him —
marry, not without thePrince be willing, for indeed the watch ought to offendno man,
and it is an offense to stay a man against his75will.
DOGBERRY
I'd bet five to one that he can—ask any man who knows the acts of
Parliament. Although, you can't stop the Prince unless the Prince is willing to stop,
for the watch shouldn't offend anyone—and it's an offense to detain a man against
his will.
VERGES
By 'r lady, I think it be so.
VERGES
By the Virgin Mary, I think that's true.
DOGBERRY
Ha, ha, ha! Well, masters, good night. An there be anymatter of weight chances, call
up me. Keep yourfellows' counsels and your own; and good night.—
Come,80neighbor.
DOGBERRY
Ha, ha, ha! Well, sirs, goodnight. If anything important comes up, call on me. Keep
each other's advice, and your own. Good night.

[To VERGES] Come, friend.

WATCHMAN
Well, masters, we hear our charge. Let us go sit hereupon the church bench till two,
and then all to bed.
WATCHMAN
Well, sirs, we've heard our instructions. Let's sit here on the church bench until two
o'clock, and then all go to bed.
DOGBERRY
One word more, honest neighbors. I pray you watchabout Signior Leonato’s door, for
the wedding being85there tomorrow, there is a great coil tonight. Adieu, bevigitant, I
beseech you.
DOGBERRY
One more thing, honest sirs. Please watch over Sir Leonato's house. The wedding
will be there tomorrow, and there's a lot happening there tonight. Farewell, and
be vigitant, I beg you.