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Five Communication Mistakes 358

That Are Holding You Back Share

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345
pos ted by KRISTI HEDGES

There’s just something about communications that’s harder ABOUT

than it should be. Work In Progress is a growing community of bloggers
who focus on, support and promote the magic 51%.
Of all the skills we develop as That’s the tipping point for professional and
leaders and professionals, entrepreneurial women, who make up 51% of the
communicating is one that workforce and own 51% of small businesses. We are
part women-to-women advice and solutions, and part
we’ve been practicing since 0
cheerleading and collaboration. Our goal is your
birth. And yet it often gets in success.
our way, causes stress, and See our profile »

leaves us at a loss. We too

frequently miscommunicate, 280
OUR CONT RI BUT ORS
obfuscate the point, cause an
unintended reaction, or avoid a A DRIENNE GRA HA M

messy discussion altogether.

(Ambro) A LLISON CHESTON

Who hasn’t left a conversation

A MA NDA STEINBERG
thinking, now that didn’t go like I wanted it to?
BA RBA RA SEIFERT, PH. D, CPC
The comforting news is that it’s a universal struggle, with few escaping
unscathed. Remember watching in dismay as BP’s then-CEO Tony and 35 m ore ...

Hayward stumbled through a series of awkward public conversations

after the Gulf oil spill, trying to empathize by saying, he too, wanted his Followers: 197
Contributor Since: February 2010
life back?

Just this month Juniper’s stock fell 10% after the CEO’s evasive PROFILE RSS FEED
comments made investors jittery. If we jump to the political side, it’s a HEA DLINE GRA BS EMA IL TIPS

gaffe-a-minute watching the debt ceiling debate play out — and that’s
without Anthony Weiner to kick around anymore.

And these are professional communicators!

Luckily, for most of us, millions don’t witness our communications OUR ACT I VI T Y FEED
mishaps. In my book, Power of Presence: Unlock Your Potential to Show all activity

Engage and Inspire Others, I discuss the common communications KRISTI COMMENTED Yes terday
mistakes that professionals make that have a major impact on their “That's a great question, and thanks for
performance. These communications pitfalls affect your ability to asking it. I would reframe the question a bit,
and talk about what...”
execute, influence, be heard and understood. They also undermine your
P os ted to THE BEST INTERVIEW QUESTIONS YOU
executive presence. NEVER A SK

The good part is there are easy fixes to each of them, and noticing is half CA LLED OUT Yes terday

the battle. Read on and see which ones resonate for you. ljagielo

1. Failing to ask for clarification. C ommented on THE BEST INTERVIEW QUESTIONS YOU
NEVER A SK

“I am 61 years old and seeking professional

This comes up in my work with executives, and it’s evidenced across employment. I hope to retire at age 70. How
levels. We walk around with a lot of confusion about what we’re actually do you suggest...”
supposed to deliver that can be clarified if we simply ask.
DEBORA H COMMENTED Yes terday

Whether it’s a CEO who doesn’t know what the board wants to see at the “Paul, Indeed - I remember when my kids
were really little how everything was
board meeting, or a junior employee who doesn’t understand what the fascinating and it made me look at...”
boss wants in a pending report, the rationale is the same: nobody wants P os ted to PA RA DOX OF INNOVA TION & STA TUS QUO
to look incompetent in front of authority. So what happens? We waste
time guessing, miss the mark too frequently, and create more work for CA ROLINE COMMENTED 2 days ago

“Yes, I agree this can be frustrating. The

everyone. point of the Voldemort analogy is to point
out how helpful it...”
By the way, this works the other way as well. Managers doing the
P os ted to DOES VOLDEMORT WORK IN YOUR OFFICE?
delegating don’t clarify with employees because they’re worried they’ll be
micromanaging or quashing creativity. Most employees would rather take
a few extra minutes to be clear, and save lots of time and energy to get it
right the first time.
MOST POPULAR
FIX: If you don’t understand what success looks like, ask for
OUR POSTS A ll Posts Last 24 Hours
clarification, specifics or examples. If you ask well-informed questions,
you’ll look a whole lot smarter than if you execute incorrectly. 1. Co-worker Sabotage! How 3 1 ,3 7 7 views

One Savvy Professional

2. Not framing your remarks at the appropriate level. Turned a Dirty Trick Around
2. Five Communication 2 0 ,7 4 1 views
People at different corporate levels require different levels of granularity, Mistakes That Are Holding
and in general, the higher up the audience, the less detail you should be Y ou Back
providing. The CEO of a company needs to know a little about many 3. No, Y ou Can’t Pick My 1 8 ,1 3 3 views

functions, whereas a functional manager needs to be deep in the weeds of Brain. It Costs Too Much
his division. It’s a critical skill that’s also called “top lining,” or pulling out 4. Suze Orman’s Octomom 1 5 ,9 3 2 views

comments that are aimed to the appropriate level for your audience. Smackdown On Oprah: My
Wake-up Call
Frequently, executives get tuned out when they report to higher levels 5. Top 20 Women For 1 4 ,3 2 6 views

and provide too much detail about their topic. Conversely, if you’re Entrepreneurs To Follow On
Twitter
speaking to a lower level in the organization, you have to be more detailed
about what matters to that group. (Not as BP’s Hayward did, discussing
what mattered to him — his own personal discomfort.) Professionals who
can speak at the level of their audience, and address what the audience
needs to know, exude presence and good judgment.

FIX: Cater your comments to the highest level person in the room, and
address what he or she will find valuable. Put the details in an appendix
or have them ready so they’re available, and you can easily pull them out
if asked.
3. Littering your speech with qualifiers.

You can leave much of your power and influence on the table just by
using qualifiers such as “I think” or “we might” or “I hope to” before your
points. It shows confidence to commit and put a stake in the ground.
Consider the difference between “I think we’ll hit our goal” and “We will
hit our goal.”

As a bonus, what you declare is more likely to happen. In our CYA

culture, it may feel uncomfortable to be so resolute when hedging is the
norm. Therein lies its power. And besides, you’re just as responsible for
the commitment anyway.

FIX: Start paying attention to how you use language, and if you’re hiding
behind qualifiers. Tape yourself or ask a colleague to take note of when Dale Carnegie's Free Tips Dale C arne gie .com
you use them, and find a comfortable phrase to replace them such as “I Learn key communication skills from our
booklet. Free download!
plan to” or “I will.”
Six Sigma Green Belt www.VillanovaU.com /Six Sigm a
4. Being negative to appear analytical. Earn the Six Sigma Credentials That Will Set You
Apart - 100% Online
In any organization, this similar dynamic plays out: one person throws an
Communication Skills P e bble .co m
idea on the table and others jump in to pick it apart. There’s a cultural Communication Skills. Get Tips Now.
norm that smart people have an analytical ability to point out potential
hurdles. Hence if you want to appear smart, you start by going negative. 5 Hr Free Coach Training R obbinsMa dane sTraining.
Anthony Robbins & Cloé Madanes Learn from
This norm serves a great purpose in that bad ideas can be debated and Masters. Sign Up Now!

debunked. However, it also kills a lot of good ideas as well. Negative is a

default approach. (And let’s face it, people aren’t 100% behind what
they’re saying anyway because they haven’t thought about it all that
much.)

On a personal level, this approach can get carried too far, and people get
labeled as difficult, negative, or the catchall having a bad attitude. While
we appreciate analysis, we also want our colleagues to be supportive.

FIX: Stop yourself from first pointing out what’s wrong in a situation,
and make it a habit to jump to what’s right instead. If an idea is simply
rotten, say how much you appreciate the thought or effort, and explain
why you feel it falls short and how it can be improved. If you kill it,
provide an alternative.

5. Being overly agreeable.

This is the opposite side of the continuum, and occurs when we want so
much to be a likeable team player that we come across as a yes person.
Every idea is great, each deadline is possible, and new projects are all
upside. This happens frequently in professional services relationships
when enthusiastic sales people agree to a client’s unrealistic expectations,
only to have the account people cringe at their impossibility.

Of course you know how this plays out, we often can’t achieve what we
signed on to do, or deadlines are missed because we’re overextended, and
our credibility is damaged. The intention, to be a good colleague, is an
honorable one. However, what people respect is honesty.

You’ll build more trust and admiration by being truthful to yourself, and
others, by saying maybe or no when that’s the best answer. (Body
language tip: continuous head nodding gives the impression of being too
agreeable as well.)

FIX: When you find yourself tempted to state agreement even though
you don’t feel it, express your true opinion. You can still say this politely,
and rather than simply say what you can’t do, let the person know what
you can do, and believe to be the best solution for all.

These are a few career-limiting communications behaviors I see in my

work, but there are certainly plenty more. What communication missteps
have you encountered, or learned to improve? I’d love to hear about
them.

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11:18 am on 07/26/11
KRISTI HEDGES
Work in Progress

Absolutely! And it’s meant to apply to both. Thanks for calling that out.
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