Step1

TOEFL Writing Question 1 back to top

Outline

1st: you will be given 3 minutes to read an article.

2nd: you will hear a lecture that lasts about 2 minutes.
3rd: you will be asked a question about the lecture and the article.
4th: you will be given 20 minutes to write an essay; you can see the article again
during this time.
5th: the computer will save your essay and move to the next question.

Let's put it together and practice a question. Save your 1st try on your computer so that
you can have the essay as a record and compare it to later essays after you finish this
program. Do your best and don't worry about making it perfect. Simply try the question
and continue through step 1. Use the stopwatch below to time you through the
appropriate steps.

For timing yourself: Stopwatch

Practice

Reading time: 3 minutes

Zoos

Some critics contend that keeping animals in zoos is inhumane and must be
changed. They believe that zoos are unnatural and provide no real benefit to
society besides providing entertainment at the expense of the animals
involved. The truth is that zoos are essential to a modern culture that places
value in animal life.
 Animals are treated well in zoos. In fact, the most passionate animal lovers
are usually the animal keepers found in zoos. They ensure that the animals
maintain the same level of psychological “happiness” as their wild
counterparts. They, along with the zoo itself, help animals live longer, feed
better, and suffer from fewer diseases; These animals are allowed to exist
without the fear of predation or famine because of zoos.

Additionally, zoos are no longer seen as or marketed as forms of

entertainment, but as education. Zoos work to inform the public about
exhibited animals, wildlife in general, and the important need to preserve
our Earth. The emphasis on conservation and education is an important one.
Visitors are taught about issues and animals that they would never have
direct experience with otherwise. Thus, zoos provide a crucial tool to direct
the public towards more humane ways to look at the world.

Finally, zoos serve the vital function of helping to protect and preserve
endangered species. For example, the Golden Lion Tamarins are an
endangered species native to Brazil. In the early part of the 1970s, only
around 200 of these small monkeys existed. It was only through the
coordinated actions of several zoos and the Brazilian government that these
animals were saved from extinction. Today, as a result of these efforts, you
can find about 1,500 living in the wild.

Listening

Question: Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how
they cast doubt on the points made in the reading passage. You have 20 minutes to
type your response.

Response time: 20 minutes

Understanding the Reading back to top

First, this essay will have a title. The title will be the topic of the essay. The essay will
contain four paragraphs and they will add up to approximately 280 words. A good read
before the lecture is crucial to helping you earn a top score. So, let’s look at what each of
these paragraphs is going to do in the essay and how to read through each quickly to
earn the highest score possible.

1st paragraph: The author’s opinion about the topic is stated

2nd paragraph: One reason of support for the author’s opinion is stated
3rd paragraph: A second reason of support is stated
4th paragraph: A third reason of support is stated

Simple, right? The essay states the author’s opinion about a topic and three reasons for
it. How can you grab this important information quickly? You must realize that when we
write our introductions in English (as I will teach you for question two of the writing),
we tend to write our thesis (claim, opinion, answer, or whatever else you want to call it)
in the last sentence of the introductory paragraph. And, when we support ourselves in
the following paragraphs, we place our reason (topic sentence, main sentence, or
whatever else you want to call it) in the first sentence of the paragraph. Consequently,
there are only four sentences you really need to read and take notes on within the 3
minutes that you have to read the article.

1st paragraph with the author’s opinion: last sentence of the paragraph
2nd paragraph with the author’s first reason: first sentence of the
paragraph
3rd paragraph with the author’s second reason: first sentence of the
paragraph
4th paragraph with the author’s third reason: first sentence of the
paragraph
Below is a picture to get a visual idea of this; it's that important that we created an image
to make it absolutely clear. The black boxes represent the title and pargraphs and the
red lines represent what you will read with greatest focus and attention.

Important Note: What I just taught you about where to locate the sentences is a tool;
it is not 100% going to happen. What I mean is that with more difficult reading passages
the reason may not be only in the first sentence but in the first two or three. That means
that in order to understand more difficult reasons you must understand three sentences
well. Again, this doesn’t always happen, but it does for more difficult readings. It’s
actually what makes them difficult. But, this isn't very common and so don't worry
about it too muc; just be aware of it.

Our practice is a perfect example of this direct TOEFL structure. I have placed the
important sentences in bold so you can see how quickly and easily you can break down
the reading with this new tool that you learned.

Reading

Some critics contend that keeping animals in zoos is inhumane and must be
changed. They believe that zoos are unnatural and provide no real benefit to
society besides providing entertainment at the expense of the animals
involved. The truth is that zoos are essential to a modern culture that
places value in animal life.

Animals are treated well in zoos. In fact, the most passionate animal lovers
are usually the animal keepers found in zoos. They ensure that the animals
maintain the same level of psychological “happiness” as their wild counterparts.
They, along with the zoo itself, help animals live longer, feed better, and suffer
from fewer diseases; these animals are allowed to exist without the fear of
predation or famine because of zoos.

Additionally, zoos are no longer seen as or marketed as forms of

entertainment, but as education. Zoos work to inform the public about
exhibited animals, wildlife in general, and the important need to preserve our
Earth. The emphasis on conservation and education is an important one. Visitors
are taught about issues and animals that they would never have direct experience
with otherwise. Thus, zoos provide a crucial tool to direct the public towards more
humane ways to look at the world.

Finally, zoos serve the vital function of helping to protect and preserve
endangered species. For example, the Golden Lion Tamarins are an
 endangered species native to Brazil. In the early part of the 1970s, only around
200 of these small monkeys existed. It was only through the coordinated actions of
several zoos and the Brazilian government that these animals were saved from
extinction. Today, as a result of these efforts, you can find about 1,500 living in the
wild.

We care about this information because the lecture will always oppose the author’s
opinion and each reason given in support of that opinion, so knowing the opinion and
reasons of the author is crucial to understanding the lecture because it will allow us to
anticipate it.

The best way to take notes for this question is by using a chart composed of 8 boxes:
four boxes on the left for the reading and four boxes on the right for the listening. Each
box on the left relates to a paragraph in the reading and each box on the right is for
notes on how the lecture refutes the paragraph’s point. Below are example notes that we
should have taken for the reading. These are the most basic and essential notes that we
need. We could have taken more but this is all that we need and what we must have and
understand.

Example Notes

Reading Lecture

Claim zoos are essential

Reason 1 animals are treated well

Reason 2 educational

Reason 3 protect endangered species

I’ll give you some more tips on how to take advantage of the reading later.

Understanding the Listening back to top

Consider the lecture nothing more than another article with the exact same structure.
Except there are two important differences: one, it is something that you hear, and two,
it contradicts everything you read in the article.

With this knowledge, you can hear the lecture with a sense of expectation; you know
what the professor in the lecture is likely going to talk about, which helps you take great
notes. For instance, we know that the article claims:

-zoos are good

-because they treat animals well,
-are educational,
-and protect endangered species.

So, we expect the professor to state that

-zoos are not good

-because they don’t treat animals well,
-are not educational,
-and don’t protect endangered species.

Are we right in our expectation? Let’s look at the transcript of the lecture to find out.

Lecture

Zoos have been a topic of debate for the past few decades, ever since animal rights
have become more of a concern. Though there is room for debate, many activists
have problems with the arguments made in the passage. They don’t believe
that those arguments prove that zoos benefit animals or society in any
meaningful way.
 First, the treatment of animals in zoos is not at all as pretty as the
author would have you believe. In fact, in one zoo, questions of animal safety
arose when two red pandas were found dead after being exposed to rat poison.
Though the zoo’s safety managers could have prevented this sad incident, they
were nowhere to be found. This case is one of many that show the lack of care zoo
administrators provide for the animals in their exhibits.

Second, most zoos are still seen as forms of entertainment, not as

sources of education. The average zoo houses the kinds of animals that will
attract visitors, not those that the public should learn about. This sends a subtle
yet strong message to guests that it is ok for us to use animals for own purposes.
And, though there may be some zoos that attempt to inform the public, visitors
can’t truly understand or appreciate these animals because they are seen in
artificial and often misleading exhibits.

Third, the claim that zoos help endangered species is

problematic. Though the author points to one successful example of the
endangered Tamarin, overall zoos have a very poor success rate. Most hold only a
very small number of an endangered species; consequently, these species tend to
interbreed; meaning, they mate with members of the same family, which results in
a high number of birth defects. Also, zoos provide no distinct advantage over
saving endangered species while they are still in their native habitat.

The lecture is what we expect! The professor opposes the claim and refutes each reason.

When you listen to the lecture, take notes in the appropriate boxes in the chart we
introduced in the previous step. For example, when the professor refutes the first reason
of support in the article, write those notes next to your notes for the article’s first reason;
when the professor refutes the third reason of support, write your notes in the fourth
box on the right. Below is an example of basic and perfect notes to illustrate this.
Compare your notes to ours and notice where you are. If your notes are similar to our
basic notes, we need to do some strong work on listening and note-taking. If your notes
are similar to our perfect notes, you're ready to earn a top score.

Example Basic Notes

Reading Lecture

Claim zoos are essential -problems with passage

-animal treatment not

pretty
Reason 1 animals are treated well
-two red pandas dead
-show lack of care

-seen as entertainment
-animals attract visitors,
Reason 2 educational
-artificial, misleading
exhibits

-problematic
Reason 3 protect endangered species -poor success rate
-no advantage to habitat

Example Perfect Notes

Reading Lecture

-problems with arguments

Claim zoos are essential -don’t believe zoos benefit
animals or society.

Reason 1 animals are treated well -animal treatment not

pretty
-two red pandas dead
-exposed to rat poison
-safety managers could
 have prevented
-lack of care

-entertainment
-animals attract visitors
-learn message:
Reason 2 educational -use animals
-some inform
-but artificial, misleading
exhibits

-problem
-success Taamar
-but poor success rate
-small num.
Reason 3 protect endangered species
-interbreed with family
-result birth defect
-zoo no advantage to
habitat

Notice how our notes have one very special characteristic that you must work to place in
your notes if you want to succeed: each line of notes contains one point and has nouns
and verbs. This makes it incredibly easy to create an essay, which we'll show you later.
Please make sure that you work to take notes in the exact same fashion. It will make
writing the essay so much better, faster, and easier. Also, for clarity we spelled out every
word correctly in our example notes, but don't do that in your notes. It's a waste of time.
Instead, simply misspell the word. For example, instead of writing "safety," write
"sfty." It's just as easy to remember and you'll save a tremendous amount of time if you
do this throughout your notes.

Understanding the Question back to top

The question you receive after the lecture never changes. It always asks you to explain
how the lecture refutes the article. It's of no basic help. Some students ask: what if the
lecture supports the reading? This has never happened on a TOEFL that I've ever seen
or hear about, so don't worry about this.

Question

Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they cast
doubt on the points made in the reading passage.

Writing the 20-minute Essay back to top

Take a deep breadth, relax, and know that your notes are your saviors. Simply change
your notes into a four-paragraph essay and you’re done. How? Easy, every two boxes in
the same row equals a paragraph in your essay. Take a look at what each paragraph you
write must do.

Timing 20
What to explain How to explain it
min.

1st paragraph: The article

states that . . . and provides
1st paragraph: state the
three reasons of support. Finish by 17
author’s claim; explain that
However, the professor min.
the professor opposes it
explains that . . . and refutes
each of the author's reasons.

2nd paragraph: state the 2nd paragraph: First, the

first reason of support; reading states that . . . The Finish by 11½
explain how the professor professor refutes this point by min.
refutes it stating that . . .
 3rd paragraph: state the
second reason of support;
explain how the professor
refutes it
3rd paragraph: Second, the
article claims that . . .
Finish by 6 min.
However, the professor
contends that . . .

4th paragraph: state the 4th paragraph: Third, the

third reason of support; reading avers that . . . The
Finish by 0 min.
explain how the professor lecture opposes this point by
refutes it saying that . . .

You begin each paragraph by referencing the main point made in the article (either the
claim or a reason). Only write one or two sentences about the article to do this; any
more than that is unnecessary and a waste of time because the body paragraphs are
much more important. Then, explain how the lecture contradicts the article by
explaining everything you heard in the lecture against that point. Make sure to write
down EVERYTHING you wrote down in your notes for the lecture. Doing so is what will
earn you a high score.

Big tip: You see the article for the whole 20 minutes you have to write, so no one cares
if you can summarize it. You get no points by writing a lot about the article; it’s a waste
of time. The points you earn are for mentioning the important parts of it, which we told
you how to do earlier when discussing "understanding the reading."

Here are a few things to keep in mind.

One, sticking to the timing is essential to make sure that you get the highest score
possible. If you spend so much time on the first half of your essay that you can’t get to
the last paragraph, you lose all of those points connected with the last paragraph. You
must write a complete essay. Do not ignore the time limits.

Two, the introduction is not important so don’t spend more than 2 to 3 minutes on it.
Three, a conclusion is not necessary to earn a perfect score. It’s a waste of time. If you
have extra time, review your essay to make sure that you wrote everything down clearly
and completely. Read through the two examples to see.

Example Fair Answer

The article states that zoos are essential and provides three reasons of
support. However, the professor explains that there are problems with
these arguments and refutes each of the author's reasons.

First, the reading states that animals are treated well in zoos. The
professor refutes this point. He states that animals are not treated well.
He explains that in a zoo, two read pandas died from exposure to rat poison.
This shows a lack of care towards animals.

Second, the article claims that zoos are educational. However, the
professor says that zoos are seen as entertainment. The animals in zoos are
to attract visitors. He also states that we can’t understand them in zoos because
they are in artificial and misleading exhibits.

Third, the reading claims that zoos protect endangered species. The
professor says that this claim is problematic. He explains that zoos have a
poor success rate with saving endangered species. He says that they offer no
advantage to saving animals in their natural habitat.

161 words. This would earn a score of (21/30)

Example Perfect Answer

The article states that zoos are essential and provides three reasons of
support. However, the professor explains that activists don’t believe
 that zoos benefit animals or society and refutes each of the author's
reasons.

First, the reading states that animals are treated well in zoos. The
professor refutes this point. He states that animals are not treated well.
He explains that in a zoo, two read pandas died from exposure to rat poison.
Zoo safety managers could have prevented this, but were not present. The
professor explains that this proves that zoo administrators show a lack of care
towards animals.

Second, the article claims that zoos are educational. However, the
professor says that zoos are still seen as entertainment. The animals in zoos
attract visitors. They aren’t the animals that the public should really learn
about. Zoos send the message that animals can be used for our own purposes.
He states that though some zoos attempt to inform, we can’t understand them
in zoos because they are in artificial and misleading exhibits.

Third, the reading claims that zoos protect endangered species. The
professor says that this claim is problematic. He explains that the Taamarin is
one successful example but that overall, zoos have a poor success rate. Zoos
possess a small number of an endangered species so they tend to interbreed,
which results in birth defects. Also, he states that zoos offer no advantage to
saving animals in their native habitat.

244 words. This would earn a score of (30/30)

If you don’t repeat yourself and write between 225 and 250 words with good grammar
and content, expect to earn the highest number of points: 26-30. If you write around
200 words with ok grammar and content, expect a score of 22-25. If you write 175 words
with ok grammar and content, expect an 18-22.
A Powerful Visual Aid to Mastering the Essay back to top

I know it can be tough and a bit tiresome to study with text only, so here's a visual aid
and a step-by-step process to clarify how to go from your notes to the strongest essay
possible in a clear, simple, and breathtakingly effective way.

Let's consider creating the essay from your notes a 3-step process.

Let's recall our example of our perfect notes and our basic structure before we continue.

Reading Lecture

-problems with arguments

Claim zoos are essential -don’t believe zoos benefit
animals or society.

Reason 1 animals are treated well -animal treatment not

pretty
-two red pandas dead
-exposed to rat poison
-safety managers could
have prevented
 -lack of care

-entertainment
-animals attract visitors
-learn message:
Reason 2 educational -use animals
-some inform
-but artificial, misleading
exhibits

-problem
-success Taamar
-but poor success rate
-small num.
Reason 3 protect endangered species
-interbreed with family
-result birth defect
-zoo no advantage to
habitat

Timing 20
What to explain How to explain it
min.

1st paragraph: The article

states that . . . and provides
1st paragraph: state the
three reasons of support. Finish by 17
author’s claim; explain that
However, the professor min.
the professor opposes it
explains that . . . and refutes
each of the author's reasons.

2nd paragraph: state the 2nd paragraph: First, the

first reason of support; reading states that . . . The Finish by 11½
explain how the professor professor refutes this point by min.
refutes it stating that . . .

3rd paragraph: state the 3rd paragraph: Second, the Finish by 6 min.
 second reason of support; article claims that . . .
explain how the professor However, the professor
refutes it contends that . . .

4th paragraph: state the 4th paragraph: Third, the

third reason of support; reading avers that . . . The
Finish by 0 min.
explain how the professor lecture opposes this point by
refutes it saying that . . .

With that back in our mind, let's continue to see our powerful 3-step process.

A Powerful Visual Aid: Step 1 back to top

Understand exactly what you're doing: you are taking your notes and fitting them into
the structure like puzzle pieces. This will create the most logical and exact reproduction
of the information you heard, which is exactly what ETS is looking for when they
evaluate your TOEFL essay. It will ensure that you have the best essay possible. Use the
same words, in the same order, and in the same way.
The text on the left, of course, represents our format. The red circles are around our
simple notes for the reading (we don't need more). The blue circles are around the text
from our lecture notes (we want to use them all). Now, below is step 2.

A Powerful Visual Aid: Step 2 back to top

In this step, what we do is actaully add the words necessary to change these notes into
simple sentences that show our command of the basic mechanics of the English
language.

The article states that zoos are essential and provides three reasons of
support. However, the professor explains that there are problems
with his arguments. The professor doesn’t believe zoos benefit animals or
society and refutes each of the author's reasons.

First, the reading states that animals are treated well. The professor
refutes this point. He states that animal treatment is not pretty. He says two
red pandas died. They were exposed to rat poison. Safety managers could have
prevented this. This is a lack of care.

Second, the article claims that zoos are educational. However, the
professor says that they are for entertainment. Animals are chosen to attract
visitors. Visitors learn a message: use animals. Some zoos inform, but they
have artificial, misleading exhibits.

Third, the reading claims that zoos protect endangered species. The
professor says that this idea has a problem. Zoos succeeded
with Taamar. However, they have a poor success rate. They have a small number
of animals. Animals interbreed with family. As aresult, they have birth
defects. Zoos have no advantage to natural habitats.
The text in bold are our phrases (they don't need to change at all). The text in red
represents exactly what came from our notes. The text in black and that is underlined
shows the words that we added to create a clear, grammatically structured essay. Do you
see what we did? Do you see how we:

-made a simple sentence for evey line of notes,

-always checked to make sure that we had subjects, verbs, and objects in our
sentences,
-double-checked our subject-verb agreement (adding -s to verbs as necessary),
-double-checked our tenses (choosing present or past as appropriate),
-added appropriate punctuation (periods and commas),
-capitalized the first letter of every new sentence,
-and saved time and energy by choosing simple and direct words?

This is exactly what you need to do to the best of your ability.

A Powerful Visual Aid: Step 3 back to top

This step allows you to demonstrate your true fluency because in this step we connect
ideas by using

-connecting adverbs;
-adjective, adverb, and noun clauses where appropriate;
-words that better connect our ideas from one sentence to another;
-avoided too many pronouns that lessen clarity (such as he, she, they, etc.)
-and, emphasizing the connection between the professor's words and the author's.

Let's see how we do it. I am going to add the extra words that do this in bold caps
(BOLD CAPS). These words are true signs of fluency because they only come from a
strong command of the language. Add them intelligently, which means don't add them
just to try to create step 3; add them as you improve your writing strength and to display
the writing strength that you already possess.

The article states that zoos are essential TO SOCIETY and provides three reasons
of support. However, the professor explains that there are problems with THE
AUTHOR'S arguments. The professor doesn’t believe zoos benefit animals or
society and refutes each of the author's reasons.

First, the reading states that animals are treated well IN ZOOS. The professor
refutes this point BY STATING that animal treatment is not AS pretty AS THE
AUTHOR BELIEVES. THE PROFESSOR PROVIDES AN EXAMPLE
OF two red pandas THATdied TO ILLUSTRATE THIS. SADLY, they
were exposed to rat poison. Safety managers could have prevented this BUT
THEY DIDN'T AND SO, this PLAINLY SHOWS THE lack of care IN ZOOS.

Second, the article claims that zoos are educational FOR VISITORS. However,
the professor says that they are, IN FACT, USED for entertainment. ZOOS
CHOOSE animals to attract visitors, NOT TO EDUCATE
THEM. THESE visitors learn a message IN ZOOS: IT'S OKAY TO use
animals. HE CONCEDES THAT some zoos DO inform,
but UNFORTUNATELY, EVEN THESE ZOOS have artificial, misleading
exhibits.

Third, the reading claims that zoos protect endangered species. The professor says
that this idea IS PROBLEMATIC. HE AGRESS THAT zoos succeeded
with THE ENDAGERED Taamar. However, ZOOS USUALLY have a poor
success rate. They have a small number of animals, WHICH
FORCES animals interbreed with THEIR family. As a result, they
have SEVERE birth defects. ALSO, HE STATES THAT zoos PRESENT no
advantage TO SAVING ENDAGERED SPECIES WHEN COMPARED TO
SAVING THEM IN THEIR natural habitats.
Immediately, I imagine some of you saying two things:

-is it really this easy?

-I can't do this on the exam! This is too hard.

For the first group, yes, it is this easy. The whole point of this question is to demonstrate
your ability to repeat back information that you read and heard in a logical manner. You
don't need to paraphrase. I know that some books say this, but the idea of paraphrasing
is ridiculous to me and it's not necessary to earn a 30/30. Trying to paraphrase wastes
time and often reduces accuracy as we sometimes don't choose the perfect words. Take
control of this question by understanding the simple steps to write a great essay and use
them on your exam. You will score much higher. Don't forget too; it's all about your
notes. Without strong notes, we cannot produce a strong essay.

For the second group, don't worry; this was meant to give you the perfect idea behind
creating a perfect essay. Your goal is to do the best that you can with it and even if your
best is very different from this because you have far fewer notes, that's okay. All it means
is that we must do what? Anybody have an idea of what to do when something isn't clear
or easy to you? Review, review, review, and review more. In addition, if you find this
rather difficult, make sure to either register for review or tutoring or both. In all things,
the first step is a calm, focused, and patient approach. With that, you will get better.
Good luck with this and review this page often.

Learning From a Student Example back to top

It's always important to learn from others. With that in mind, let's look through an
example student essay and improve our ability with grammar and content by doing
so. We’re going to break down this example essay for you into four parts:

1st: structure – learn the way you need to express the information from the
article and lecture
 2nd: content– see what the important points to mention are and how they
should be explained
3rd: grammar – avoid the common mistakes most student makes and improve
your score
4th: grade – know how essays are scored

Structure back to top

Example Essay

The lecture mainly contradicts the information given in the reading

passage stating that the zoos are the essential one to the modern culture and
provides adequate education, whereas the lecture says that the zoos are only
good for entertainment rather than the education. There are various points
discussed in the lecture to cast the doubts in the reading passage.

Firstly the speaker tells about the animal safety. The speaker says
that the death of red panther arises a question about the safety, whereas the
author has mentioned in the passage that the animals are treated
well. The lecture says about the treatment is not pretty and as a result the
panthers die and this has raised a question about the treatment mentioned in
the reading passage, also this questions the responsibility of the care taker
in the zoos.

Secondly, lecture says that the zoos gives the good entertainment rather
than the education. The author has mentioned in the passage that the
zoos provide education, but the speaker says that the visitors in the zoos
are entertained by the artificial facts and the misleading exibits.

Thirdly, the lecture says that the endangered species is

 problematic.Although the author given an example to state that the
endangered species plays a vital function, the speaker tells that the zoos
have no distinct advantage by saving endangered species.

Great structure. 4 paragraphs that deal with each point made in the reading and how the
lecture refutes it. One point: Our strategy has us place the sentences that talk about the
article in the beginning of each paragraph. This essay consistently places them in the
second sentence.

Content back to top

The lecture mainly contradicts the information given in the reading passage
stating that the zoos are the essential one to the modern culture and
provides adequate education, whereas the lecture says that the zoos are only
good for entertainment rather than the education. There are various points
discussed in the lecture to cast the doubts in the reading passage.

We don’t need the underlined portion. The first paragraph should only state that the
lecture refutes the claim made by the author that zoos are essential to a modern culture.

Firstly the speaker tells about the animal safety. The speaker says that the
death of red panther arises a question about the safety, whereas the author has
mentioned in the passage that the animals are treated well. The lecture says
about the treatment is not pretty and as a result the panthers die and this has
raised a question about the treatment mentioned in the reading passage, also
this questions the responsibility of the care taker in the zoos.

Fantastic! Perfect; no criticism on content.

Secondly, lecture says that the zoos gives the good entertainment rather than
 the education. The author has mentioned in the passage that the zoos provide
education, but the speaker says that the visitors in the zoos are entertained by
the artificial facts and the misleading exibits.

We missed the point that zoos have animals that attract visitors not educate. Also, the
underlined portion is confused. The professor states that zoo aren’t very educational
because exhibits are artificial and misleading.

Thirdly, the lecture says that the endangered species is problematic. Although
the author given an example to state that the endangered species plays a vital
function, the speaker tells that the zoos have no distinct advantage by saving
endangered species.

Good paragraph, but we missed two points. First, zoos have a low success rate of saving
endangered species. Second, animals interbreed (interbreed means mate with members
of their family) in zoos so their babies have birth defects.

Grammar back to top

The lecture mainly contradicts the information given in the reading passage
stating that the zoos are the essential one to the modern culture and
provides adequate education, whereas the lecture says that the zoos are only
good for entertainment rather than the education. There are various points
discussed in the lecture to cast the doubts in the reading passage.

the zoos, the modern culture => zoos, modern culture

Whenever you speak generally, don’t use the. The is only used before nouns that
are specific or have already been mentioned. Cars are nice. Good sentence; we’re
speaking generally; we’re saying that all cars are nice. The cars are nice. Bad
 sentence; what cars? If you’re not talking about a specific group or item that the
reader knows about you should not use the. Consequently, we should change:

the essential one => essential

Many students like to use one. Why? I don’t know. We use it to refer to one item in
a group of similar items. Which car do you like among the three? The
green one. That’s the ONLY time we should use one. Also, why the? Many
students forget that all you need is an adjective to describe a noun. He is the
happy one. Bad sentence. He is happy. Good sentence.

points to cast the doubts in => points that cast doubt on

Many students make similar mistakes. Don’t be one of them. (See how the
word one is used appropriately here?) You’re describing the word points. Which
points? Points that cast doubt on. You don’t want the word to; you want the word
that. And, the idiom is cast doubt on, not cast the doubts in. Some things you just
have to memorize. Memorize this! You will likely use it on your test. Don’t make an
unnecessary mistake.

Firstly the speaker tells about the animal safety. The speaker says that the
death of red panther arises a question about the safety, whereas the
author has mentioned in the passage that the animals are treated well. The
lecture says about the treatment is not pretty and as a result the panthers die
and this has raised a question about the treatment mentioned in the reading
passage, also this questions the responsibility of the care taker in the zoos.

tells about => talks about

Again, students always make this mistake. Tell is followed by a pronoun and a
noun clause: He tells me that I should eat breakfast all the time. You
should never use the verb tell in this essay; use talks about.
tells about => talks about

Again, students always make this mistake. Tell is followed by a pronoun and a
noun clause:He tells me that I should eat breakfast all the time. You
should never use the verb tellin this essay; use talks about.

the animal safety, red panther, the safety => animal safety, the red panther,
safety

We already saw this in the first paragraph. You’re talking about the red
panther you read about. It’s not all red panthers or any red panther; you’re
talking about the specific red panther that died. So, use the. The other words are
general, so don’t use the.

has mentioned => mentioned

The most common verbs used in these essays (and in English) are present and past
tense. But, since ESL students learn so many, they think they have to use them all.
Don’t. Has mentioned is present perfect and we only use it with the
words for or since: I have taught for several years; I have taught since I
was a baby. Get it? Keep it in the past and present.

says about => says that

Memorize this: it’s not says about; it’s says that. That’s it.

Secondly, lecture says that the zoos gives the good entertainmentrather
than the education. The author has mentioned in the passage thatthe
zoos provide education, but the speaker says that the visitors in the zoos are
entertained by the artificial facts and the misleading exibits.
lecture => the lecture

Again, it’s not any lecture or lectures in general; it’s the lecture you heard,
which makes it specific, so use the word the.

the zoos, the education, the good entertainment => zoos, education, good
entertainment

These words are general. You’re not talking about a specific zoo, education,
orentertainment. You’re talking about them in general, all of them, so don’t
use the.

zoos gives => zoos give

Very common. Check for this when you proofread; it’s easy to catch. Zoos is
plural: zoos give. Zoo is singular: zoo gives.

Thirdly, the lecture says that the endangered species is problematic. Although
the author given an example to state that the endangered species plays a vital
function, the speaker tells that the zoos have no distinct advantage by saving
endangered species

the endangered species, the zoos => endangered species, zoos

We’re speaking generally about zoos and endangered species, so no the.

the author given => the author gives

We can change verbs into several forms: present, past, past participle, present
participle, infinitive: give, gave, given, giving, to give. We want the present tense
here. Gives not given.
Grade back to top

224 words, ok grammar, and a few points missing. This would earn a fair score: 17-23
out of a possible 30. Closer to 23.

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