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to claim the gold medal. She walked she clawed back two rounds to take A, becoming the first grandmother to
away with her million dollar share of the contest into a decider. By this ever win the title.
the prize money, runner up Tommy time Lutti’s body language indicated The new champion explained her
Thompson from Nigeria taking half a that he already felt overawed by the success as the result of a strict train-
million, and third place New Zealan- pretender to his crown, and the new- ing regimen instituted by her coach
der John Smith receiving a warm comer took advantage of this to en- and grandson five-year-old Sammy
handshake from the umpire. gage a mutual headlock which she Johnson. "I’ve been drinking ten
Having started the tournament a held for three hours until the Vat- raw eggs for breakfast every morning,
rank outsider she began to impress ican man retired from exhaustion. sprinting fifty miles a day and carry-
in her second match when she took The next seven matches were barely ing my daughter’s car to the end of
US number three Ron Ronson by sur- a contest as the news of Johnson’s the road and back whenever I felt my
prise and subdued him in twenty sec- supremacy overawed all her oppo- arthritis was OK" she said. Sammy
onds with her unique move that has nents who became too indimidated to added "I always knew she could do
been dubbed "Maud’s Death Grip". fight properly. it. She’s my grandma.". The young-
The injection of a new wrestling style Nigerian Tommy Thompson is ster is also her manager and has re-
into the tournament was welcomed also a relative newcomer to the portedly arranged sponsorship deals
by spectators and Johnson’s pre- and wrestling scene, but with his 210lb which will dwarf her one million dol-
post-match breakdances have proved frame he was expected to fare well lar prize fund. Her new contract with
entertaining to fans. However, she against Johnson who weighs in at headband designer Nike alone is set
was still not expected to win in only 90lb. However Johnson’s lithe to earn her fourteen billion dollars
round three last Wednesday, facing and slender, some would say scrawny, over the next year. She will also be
off against title-holder Paulo "Spine- figure belies her agility and strength promoting Tupperware, Halliburton,
Snapper" Lutti, of Vatican City. Un- which she demonstrated by holding the Republic of Macedonia, and Gala
derdog Johnson was soon showing her Thompson above her head several Bingo. Her continued participation in
worth with stamina and agility easily times during the bout and throwing the sport is not assured as she wants
matching last year’s winner. Lutti’s him into the crowd once. With the to spend more time on her bungee-
experience paid off initially as he took scores tied at 2-2 time ran out and the jumping business, and knitting. Ev-
the first two rounds, but as John- contest went to a panel of judges to be eryone here at the World Champi-
son became more confident her su- assessed. They awarded Thompson a onships, however, hopes for her re-
perior strength came to the fore and C grade whilst Johnson received an turn.