Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Being and Exponential Coach Quest Journal
Being and Exponential Coach Quest Journal
Being an
Exponential Coach
with Rich Litvin
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Table of contents
Instead of telling you about me and this program, let me ask YOU to tell your story.
You are here for a reason. And I would love to know about the why.
Pause for a moment and take this question deep into your bones, because it might
just transform your life.
Imagine that three years have passed from this very moment, and we bump into one
another. You come up to me and say:
“Hi Rich! I watched Being an Exponential Coach three years ago. On the first video,
you were supposed to talk about the program, but instead, you asked about me.
Three years have passed, and they have completely changed my life both
professionally and personally.
Pause. Get present and write it down. Not from a place of “I wish it happens”, but
from a place of where it has already happened in your life three years from now.
You’ll get the most out of this program if you’re willing to engage with it.
This is designed as a transformational program, but you have to be willing to play full
out.
This isn’t about becoming one, this is about BEING an Exponential Coach.
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For the ones who are ready to play big, live exponentially and create a huge impact
in the world.
Here at Evercoach, we are invested in your growth. As such, we seek to bring you the
most cutting-edge learning experience to create life-long transformations.
Here’s a brief explanation of how you can make the most out of your learning:
2. Integration: Now, don’t just take notes of the information, integrate it with what you
already know or how it relates to your life/purpose. This is how information sticks!
Make the information meaningful.
3. Practice: Take action. Put what you know into practice. You’ll be asked to practice
and interact with your tribe. The key to transformation is through action.
On this 8-week journey, you will learn everything you need to know to Become an
Exponential Coach
Let's dig deeper so you know what to expect!
• Learn how to design an environment of being with the right people who
understand you and raises the bar for you.
• The 3 elements of building an exponential community
• One powerful question to ask yourself to attract and build an exponential team
• How to create a high-performing community and extraordinary business
Some people spot the arrow right away, for others it takes longer. But once you find it
(between the letters “E” and “X”, you will not see the logo the same way.
The same happens when you have an Insight, your life transforms because you won’t
see life the same way.
An Insight without Action means nothing. An Insight that you take Action on will shift
everything.
Also remember: Action tops perfection, so be willing to screw up and make mistakes
1. This is an insight lead program: Watch a video, then hit pause and go for a
walk. Your world might change! Slow down enough to create space for insights.
2. Put action over perfection: The people who get the most out of programs like
this are the ones who use them as seeds for action. Don’t wait to get things
perfect.
3. Tiny steps: It’s so easy to get overwhelmed with big ideas, just focus on the next
tiniest step.
You can dismiss this tool, and not fill it out after each section of the program, or you
can take time and discover that insights turned into actions are what shift the world!
1. Insights: What did you learn from this experience? Which ideas are most useful to
you?
2. Possibility: What opportunities are available to you by implementing these
insights?
3. Application: What actions could you take to apply your insights and create
momentum?
4. Tiny Steps: What is the very first tiny step you will take to turn an insight into
action? And when will you do it?
Baseline Assessment
Before you start your quest, let’s gauge where your coaching skills are first. This pre-
assessment is helpful for two reasons:
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1. It will help clarify what areas you should focus on in the quest.
2. It will help set a benchmark for yourself, so you can later evaluate which areas
you’ve developed as a result of participating in this quest.
Rate how true these statements are to you on a scale from 1 to 10. Rate
(1 - least true; 10 - most true)
1. You have clarity on how to achieve mastery
3. You understand the importance of helping your clients see the world differently
13. You know how to coach your clients to go beyond their status quo
14. You understand the most common fears for coaches and how to get past them
15. You have confidence in coaching people who are more successful, smarter and
wealthier than you
16. You know the tools for exponential success
Week 1
1. Modeling: Find someone that is on the path that you intend to go on, and model
them. Find someone that is living the life that you want to live, the life that you want
to create in all aspects, and be aware of what they do, so you can copy their best
practices.
2. Total immersion: In the area or the field that you want to create exponential results
in. Be willing to play full out.
3. Spaced repetition: Break things into tiny fragments, so you can try things out and
then repeat it. See what works for you. Watch the videos more than once, and
remember: Mindset shifts everything
How we speak your world, informs how we see our world, which creates our actions
and the results that we create.
ACTION
Deep Coaching
1. Modeling: Find someone that is living the life that you want to live and observe.
What are they doing? What are their best practices?
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2. Total immersion: Where do you want to create exponential results? What actions
are you taking now to accomplish that?
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3. Spaced repetition: Break things into tiny fragments, so you can try things out and
then repeat it.
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Beneath action is the way you see your world. And how you see your world creates
your world.
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And underneath this, comes how you speak your world. Anything that was ever
created was spoken into the world.
How you see the world will determine how you speak what you want to create in your
world.
Most people Coach at the level of Actions and Results, but when you Coach at a
deeper level, on how your client sees their world, you can make them make powerful
shifts.
And when you listen more deeply than anyone has ever listened, you’ll hear how
they’re creating their world. Listen to the distinctions they have for their world.
When you help them speak into the world what they want to create next, using the
power of generative language, everything can shift.
This is where the real changes begins. At this deeper level in the inner game of results.
The Inner Game is what I like to play with my clients, because it has more powerful
and profound effects. They might get to create the results they wanted, or discover
that wasn’t the path they had to be on.
As Coaches we sometimes jump in too quick and make assumptions about what our
client wants, instead of slowing down to see how they see and create their world.
The “Perfect System” is one of my favorite tools for helping a client to see the world that
they’ve created. I’ve helped clients create this around all sorts of things, from money, to
relationships to business.
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I have them take the thing that they’re in resistance to and map it out to see how they are
creating it. We do it with a sense of humor, because you realize you are making things
happen.
Here I share my the Perfect System for constant struggle around money that I had before
Map
out
how
you
are
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creating your reality in these 3 areas: Your business, your relationships and your
finances.
Your Business
Business
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Your Relationships
Relationships
Your finances
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Finances
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“How we speak our world creates our world”, and it’s around the distinction of
“Occurring”. Fill out the following 3 statements:
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Week 2
Deep Inner Work
What I don’t want you to know about me
There’s a part of Being an Exponential Coach that is easy to miss, and it’s what I call:
“Deep Inner Work”.
I have been working on myself for a decade and a half. I’ve just finished with my men’s
group that was established 9 years ago when I came to L.A. For nine years we got
together week after week to challenge, support and champion each other. We
would hone our craft in this group and rotated leadership.
We began to do exercises like this one: “What I don’t want you to know about me
is...”. We sat in a circle of 5 men, shoulder to shoulder and looking into each other’s
eyes, then each man would say the phrase: “What I don’t want you to know about
me is..”, and share something he was ashamed or embarrassed about.
Everyone had their chance to speak, and we did this week after week for years.
But I forgot to include those where I didn’t get much value. I forgot about those
because I never stopped learning.
The willingness to go deep yourself will help you immensely because you cannot take
your client any deeper than you have gone yourself.
The ability to be IN-TENSION (to hold tension) comes from year after year of deep
inner work.
I encourage you to find ways to go deep yourself. Hire your own Coach! In fact, hire
more than one. Spend more money than you are willing to spend, do the kind of
trainings that scare you, that challenge you, even if you think they won’t have an
impact on you.
Make a list of all the things that scare you, and then, one at a time you can find ways
to handle each one.
A “What scares you” list is a way for you to draw out your deepest desires. So make a
list of everything that scares you. And the things that you are scared to write down,
they’re the ones to write down.
And then you can begin to look at them and see: “What is the desire behind here?”.
You have a place to play for what you want to create from that place.
If you got really present and vulnerable. Willing to share yourself completely, so that
others can do the same. What is something that you haven’t let anyone know about
you?
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Make a list of all the things that scare you, and you can begin to look at them and
see: “What is the desire behind here?”.
Fear is a mask for desire.
The things that you are scared to write down, they’re the ones to write down.
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Robert Holden, an amazing British Coach, has this thing he calls: “Gentle reflection”,
to give your clients something to reflect upon at the end of a conversation.
Here is a story: Warren Buffett, who is a billionaire is talking to his pilot when it dawns
on him that his pilot has worked for him for 10 years, and is still working for him.
And he says: “I’m really sorry, I don’t think I’ve served you. You are still working for me
doing the job that you were doing a decade ago. Would you like some support with
your life and your career?” The pilot said yes.
-Make a list of the 25 top things you want to do in your life before you die, and then
come back to me
The pilot did as asked, and came back with his long list. Buffett then asked:
-Identify the top 5 on your list.
A day later, the pilot came back with his top 5, to what Buffett responded: “What
happens to the other 20? What are you going to do with them?
The pilot pauses for a moment, and says “I’ll squeeze the around the edges and work
on them on my free time”
Buffett stops, looks him in the eyes and says: “No. That’s your mistake. Those 20 just
became your “avoid-at-all-cost” list”. These are the things that shut you down, drain
you of energy and create issues in the people around you. From the simplest things,
such as technology challenges that can take you hours to resolve, to more complex
things that other people from your team can resolve easily.
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Every member of my team has an “avoid-at-all-cost” list. We’ve identified the things
that drain them of energy, and create more problems than they solve.
• Make a list of the 25 top things you want to do in your life before you die
• Identify the top 5 on your list.
• The other 20 just became your “avoid-at-all-cost” list”. These are the things that
shut you down, drain you of energy and create issues in the people around you.
From the simplest things, such as technology challenges that can take you hours to
resolve, to more complex things that other people from your team can resolve
easily.
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Top 5
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1. Increase your ability to be in-tension: to handle discomfort. This has a big impact
on how you can be present with your clients, take them deeper than they’ve been
before and in your ability to slow down, be silent and allow them space to create
their own insights.
2. Gives you the ability to be OK with not knowing: Not knowing the answers, and
not needing to know as soon as your clients arrive at the door. This will have a big
impact on your client’s life and the shifts that they have, and also in your life as well.
You can’t know what’s coming next, and how each decision will influence the next.
Zone of genius
They are the 1-3 things that when I do them have an exponential impact on my
business.
What are the 1-5 things that you are REALLY good at and have a bigger impact on
your business when you do them?
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Week 3
Fearless Coaching
That’s the mission in fearless Coaching. To see the things that your clients haven’t yet
seen, and to help them see the things they haven’t seen about their own world.
If your client has a lens through which they see the world, it’s very powerful to have
them taken away for a moment to see the world a different way.
Freedom comes when they realize they don’t need a lens, or choose to wear it if they
like, and see what they like with full awareness.
I Coach Kings
A few years ago I created a distinction for myself called: “I Coach Kings”. It had a
great ring to it and a very personal note as well.
My name is Richard, and when I was a child I had a book about the kings of England.
King Richard the “Lion Heart”, and it was a story about this amazing king, a very
powerful king, and then it was little ol’ me.
And I created this distinction that is was OK for some people to make a difference in
the world and do things that were important, and then there was me. As I did a lot of
work on myself, I wear a necklace with an old 19th-century wax seal with a lion. The
sign of King Richard the First.
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That realization had a big impact on me, and I wear this close to my heart these days
because it reminds me of the king that I am.
So I created the distinction “I Coach Kings” that speaks to the power of the impact
of the people I work with.
But here is the thing, I don’t filter by who is intelligent, wealthy or successful. I draw
that out from the person in front of me. I sit down with whoever is talking to me, and I
have a knowingness that they are a king or queen.
I know that you’re a king. I know that you’re extraordinary. My job is to help draw it
out of you.
My secret mission statement is “I help powerful people remember how powerful they
are”
When I sit down with somebody, I know they’re a king, my job is just to help them
remember. “I Coach kings” speaks to that piece first: I’m looking for the king inside of
you. And second, it speaks to the fact that I choose to filter who I work with.
I think that one of the problems with Coaching, is that people see it as remedial: “If
you have a problem, I’ll help you fix it”
I don’t play that game. I look for extraordinary clients, for people who have a track
record of success, a bias for action, and who’ve already done extraordinary things.
Those are the kings I look to create and spend time with and then challenge their
thinking.
Write your secret mission statement that will help you drive everything else you do
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1. Deep Listening
Bring in your full presence and call out the full presence of your client. Be patient, and
create enough safety and love to get to the heart of what your client really needs.
Use the power of silence.
Deep listening is about listening for distinctions and using curious or provocative
questions to listen for what’s not being said. Listen for the words and feelings behind
the words.
Example of interesting question: I was in Bali last month, where have you been
traveling?
Example of interested question: Where have you been in the last 6 weeks?
Interested questions are about the person in front of you. Interesting questions are
more about you.
In deep listening, you listen for the question behind the question.
You listen to what the client needs, not what they think they want. The job of an
Extraordinary Coach is not to answer the questions your clients come with. To help
them live into better questions that lead to transformation.
Have I listened deeply enough in the past? What can I do to improve my deep
listening?
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Example of interesting question: I was in Bali last month, where have you been
traveling?
Example of interested question: Where have you been in the last 6 weeks?
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2. Eliciting
Draw out what’s inside of them. Start with their secret dreams and their unseen gifts.
Get curious about how they think, not just what they think.
What energizes them and what drains them of energy. Draw out the real context of
the situation. Draw out insights and distinctions
You want to learn how they see the world rather than telling them.
What are some ways that I can use to help draw out the biggest secret dreams from
my clients?
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3. 10X-Exponential Thinking
Challenge and stretch your client, congratulate them and then ask for ten times what
they already brought.
10X is about balancing challenge with recovery. High performers never stop, so part of
your job is going to be slowing them down and giving them space to recover. Even
Olympic athletes take time off to recover, but we tend to forget that in business.
Make sure you don’t take a parent or sibling role, nor share their burden. You are there
to help them have possibilities occur to them that weren’t possible before they began
to work with you.
10X is about using humor and reminding them how powerful they are.
It’s about using experiments and creating games to draw out their greatness.
Most Coaches work in the realm of probability, a few work with possibility. Exponential
Coaches work in the realm of impossibility. That’s what 10X thinking is about.
What is a game or challenge that I can use to challenge my client’s way of thinking
and expand their possibilities?
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4. Leadership
You are both willing to lead, and let your client lead. Hide nothing, hold nothing back.
The four of the most powerful words you can say to a client are: “I Believe In You”. Say
these words when you really mean it, and all sorts of things will become possible.
Leadership is about enjoying the client’s strengths and their struggles as well. Let
them know that you’re OK with their struggles, and celebrate failure. Bring a sense of
humor. It’s about sharing your biases and your limits and being OK with them.
It’s about taking responsibility for how you were heard, not just what you say.
Create a world of very powerful agreements with your client, not just a world of
expectations.
Listen to the audio by Steve Chandler that talks about “Agreements vs Expectations”
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5. Strategy
This is the place most Coaches go first, but I will get there last.
Co-develop a plan of action with your client, but not a to-do list.
Design environments that support, and repair environments that weaken. You create
systems that front-load, to remove self-reliance.
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Front-loading is when you create something up-front so that when your resources of
energy are lessened down the road, you’ve been supported on the front end.
Example of front-loading:
I pay in advance for a personal trainer to come to my house 3 times a week. I can’t be
a member of a gym. That’s wasted money because if I wake up and don’t feel like
going to the gym I won’t go, but if a trainer is coming to my house I have no excuse.
That is helping a client create an environment that will nurture and sustain them.
And strategy is about providing support and check-ins. You might suggest experts, or
books or tools and assessments. Offer feedback and observations, Insights and
ideas.
But opinions, reactions and agendas you put them to one side.
When you get really present with the person in front of you, and find out what they
really want, you help them create the strategy to bring it into their world.
What are some systems that can help my clients front load?
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Make a list of the Books and links you can use to recommend to your clients
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Week 4
Exponential Thinking
“How to set and achieve goals that look Impossible—to others and to you!”
We live in a world where most people are thinking in 10% increases, and there’s
nothing wrong with that, but it’s not Exponential Thinking, it’s Incremental Thinking.
Sam Altman, who was the CEO of Y combinator, (one of the most successful business
incubator on the planet) says the trouble of being on an exponential curve,
Is if you look behind you it looks horizontal, and if you look in front of you, it looks
vertical.
Your job as an Exponential Coach is to sit with a client and help them be OK where
they are on their journey, knowing that exponential success can take off at any
moment.
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1. Exponential impact
Take a look at the United Nations SDG’s: Sustainable Development Goals. This is a set
of 17 goals they set for the year 2030, that will have a massive impact on the planet.
2. Impossible goals
The idea came from something Michael Neill told me years ago around impossible
goals. Michael says that an impossible goal is when you have a 25% chance or less of
making it happen in the world.
You’ve taken something you want to create, and there is no possible way you could
make it happen. Maybe it’s never been done before. It feels and looks impossible.
When you create a goal that is literally impossible, it becomes a place to come
from, not a place to get to.
When you have an impossible goal, people around you say: WOW! It’s inspiring to
them.
3. A Moonshot
It has 3 elements
1. It addresses a huge problem
2. It proposes a radical solution
3. It uses breakthrough technology
4. A Game-Changer
A game-changer is an idea that creates such a shift in the way something is done, or
thought about, that it leads to a transformation in its field.
It turns your peers and colleagues into your clients and customers. You raise the
ceiling in your industry, and your business model becomes so unique, that competitors
are unable to copy you.
Uber and the iPod were Game-Changers. When they were first described, people
didn’t understand them.
You can use this guideline for yourself and for your clients
1. Think of something you’d love to create that literally seems impossible right now.
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2. An Impossible Goal is NOT an “I’ll be happy when…” goal. Ask yourself, “Will I be fine
whether I achieve this or not?” If it turns out that your life, your happiness or your
relationships depend on you achieving it, it’s not an Impossible Goal. It might be a
useful project but not for the purpose of this exercise. Return to Step 1.
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3. There’s a fine line between excitement and fear. An Impossible Goal should place
you right on that line. Excited enough that you’ll take action, not too excited that
you’re not grounded. Enough fear to be a clue that you really want this, not so much
that it causes you to panic and freeze.
How excited are you about this goal (on a scale from 1-10) ________________
4. Ask yourself what the cost of achieving this goal could be. And then add a few
words to your Impossible Goal to address this.
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5. Now, ask yourself this question every day about your Impossible Goal: Who would I
have to be to make this happen?
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6. Finally, find someone to hold this Impossible Goal for you—someone who believes in
you. A coach, a mentor, a colleague.
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Exponential Life
When I’m spending time with my clients, I’m drawing out from them an impossible
goal, or a moonshot or a game-changer, because it shifts the nature of the
conversation.
I’m looking for what an Exponential LIFE would look like for them.
L- Legacy: Money, success or fame don’t make you happy. What really counts is
legacy: the difference you want to make in the world.
I- Impact: Can you make your impact go deep or wide or both. How can you have a
bigger impact on this planet?
F- Freedom: Every entrepreneur begins their career because they want freedom. This
is the unspoken secret that is not spoken by entrepreneurs: We are craving freedom.
E- Energy: What energizes, fascinates and motivates you?
That’s the game I like to play, having my clients lean into the very edge of their
discomfort.
Simple
Like baking a cake. You have some basic issues of technology, technique and
terminology, but once you master them, you follow a recipe. You have a pretty high
assurance of success.
Complicated
Like sending a rocket to the moon. There are challenges due to the scale of the
problem, and also increased requirements of coordination and expertise, but rockets
are similar to one another. And because of this after you’ve had one success, you
have a relatively high degree of outcome repetition.
Complex
Based on relationships, and the properties of self-organization, interconnection and
evolution. Every element of the problem can create greater challenges in the next.
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If you’re a parent, you understand a complex problem. Raising a child is complex! You
can read every book on the planet, but your child is unique.
When you can help your clients to move from the simple to the complicated to the
complex problems, and take them back to the other side of complexity, you can help
them play an exponential game.
You can use this exercise for you and your clients.
L- Legacy
What is the legacy you want to leave in the world? What do you want people to
remember you for?
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I- Impact
Can you make your impact go deep or wide or both?. How can you have a bigger
impact on this planet?
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F- Freedom
How does freedom look for you?
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E- Energy:
What energizes, fascinates and motivates you?
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Week 5
Surround yourself by the best peers, clients, and team. People who are more
interesting than you, so you can take your practice to the next level.
“If you want to go quickly, go alone. If you want to go far, go with a group.”
African proverb.
“If you’re the most interesting person in the room, you’re in the wrong room”
There’s real power in seeking out a community of peers who stretch, challenge and
push you beyond just your own individual Coach. Put yourself in a room of
extraordinary people and the bar rises for you.
Litvin’s law
The power of a network goes up EXPONENTIALLY when you multiply the number of
people by the power of the people in that network.
When you surround yourself with extraordinary top performers your whole world rises
I had this idea to create 4PC, the top 4% of Coaches, because there is power in
having powerful peers.
I’m in a mastermind group myself. I have to fly 4 times a year, five hours at a time for a
single day in a mastermind group, where I’m the least financially successful person in
the room. It’s fun for me to be surrounded by people who play a bigger game than I
do.
We have a ground-rule in 4PC, that you should be a little bit in awe of us, and we
should be a little bit in awe of you.
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We have a mission: 4PC is the place where you can never get too big and you can
never get too messy.
You can never get too big: 4PC is a place where we put humility outside the door. It’s
a safe place to brag and be proud of what you’ve accomplished
You can never get too messy: it’s a place to bring in your fears, doubts, insecurities,
and be able to share them in a place where you feel safe.
Exponential Community:
All three elements fit together. They will help you grow and scale your business, as well
as your clients when you help them to think differently.
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I wrote an article a few years ago called: “How I hired a Millionaire as my personal
assistant”
I want to hire people who are more extraordinary than me, people who think
differently than me.
I’ve built my team based on that principle: When I meet fascinating people, I’ll find a
role for them, even if the role isn’t there. And I’ll nurture them.
We have a position on my team right now, called “Chief Superhero Officer”. Her only
job is to make my clients look extraordinary out in the world, share their magic and
find ways to acknowledge and celebrate them. Turn them into superheroes.
Trust is something you have from me the moment you start on my team, you don’t
have to earn it. If I said years for you to start on my team, you have my trust. This is
something I give you on day one.
I say this clearly to my team members: “You’re not here to say yes to everything I say
or agree with my thinking. You’re here to challenge my thinking when that feels
relevant. You don’t hold back.”
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“Hide nothing, hold nothing back” plays out on my team as well as my clients.
I send flowers to my team when they make mistakes, screw up, or things don’t go the
way we thought they would. I praise and acknowledge them.
This is the thought that ripples through my mind once in a while in business, and I live
into catching that thought when it arises, and ask:
One of the reasons I’ve brought extraordinary people on to my team is that I don’t
believe that thought any longer when I hear it into my mind.
I now think:
In what areas of your business do you feel the need for support?
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How can you use Exponential Community to grow your own client base?
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How can you help your clients look at the world through the lens of Exponential
Community?
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Week 6
“Selling the invisible” It’s the title of a book by Harry Beckwith, but it speaks to this
thing that we do called Coaching.
“You and I are going to talk, and your life is going to change…Send me a check”
Selling the invisible is a book about marketing. I wrote a book about to build a
practice as a Coach, with a few high-performing, high-fee clients, one conversation
and one relationship at a time.
The 5 Sales
1. Internal
Professional self-esteem (or the lack of it) is the reason so many people struggle when
they have a service-based business.
Ask yourself:
Do I believe in myself?
Do I believe in this thing called Coaching?
Have I ever invested in Coaching myself?
Have I ever spent more money on Coaching than what I feel comfortable to spend?
If you haven’t done those things, why would anyone be willing to invest money in you?
The way to become a Master is to train with a Master yourself and learn every aspect
of what they do.
Once you work with a Coach, you work with all your fears, insecurities and doubts,
and you’ll work on the big vision you have for yourself
Ask yourself:
Do I believe in myself?
Do I believe in this thing called Coaching?
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Ask yourself:
Have I ever invested in Coaching myself?
Have I ever spent more money on Coaching than what I feel comfortable to spend?
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2. Invitation
To invite someone to spend time with you in this day and age, where time is our most
precious asset, is not as simple as saying: “Would you like to spend two hours with
me?”
It takes a lot from someone to say “YES I’m in, I’d like to give you 2 hours of my time.”
You must connect with the person first in order for them to agree to give you their
time. Find out about them, get curious and really present with them, and find out the
things that they wouldn’t normally share.
Add stories about your journey and your clients’ journey, so they can have a sense of
confidence about the power of your Coaching and what it can do for their lives.
How are you connecting to your clients before inviting them to a Coaching
conversation?
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What stories can you share about your personal journey that can impact a client?
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3. Proposal
Having given your client the experience of your Coaching, now it’s time to offer how
you would like to work together: how long, how much, logistics.
This is your willingness to put out on the table how you’d love to work with somebody.
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4. Decision influencers
Then comes the moment of the: “yes”, “no”, or “let me think about it”. You have to give
your client the tools to go away and explain what just happened to their partner,
their family their friends, or the rest of the people in their lives.
If they don’t have the tools to explain their experience, the people in their lives won’t
understand, and since no one has a budget for Coaching, they’ll begin to question
the process, and the client will probably disappear.
I am including a video called: “The Art of the Proposal”, so you can see me give the
client all the tools to explain the power of Coaching. It will guide you through sales #3
and #4.
The 4th sale it’s when they sell that experience you gave them to somebody else in
their life.
What tools do you give your clients for them to explain their Coaching experience to
the people in their lives?
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5. Buyer’s Remorse
You get a yes, and they pay you, and then something interesting happens.
When they second-guess themselves, or when they go into fear mode because you
have taken away all their excuses, and if they don’t get what they wanted they will
feel like a failure.
The 5th sale is about how you can support them from the moment they said yes, to
feel comfortable and confident, and know they’re in the right place.
Spend some time thinking about what you can do the moment someone says yes
and sends you a check.
Maybe you can send them a book, a pack of materials. I send them a pack with
dozens of questions because I want them working. I want their thoughts challenged
the moment they’ve said yes.
Create a series of opportunities for your clients after they send you the payment.
Help their world begin to shift even before you’ve started Coaching, giving them a
sense of what can happen in the process you’ll be starting.
How do you support your clients after they said yes to working with you?
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They had a powerful life-changing conversation, and at the end of his Coaching
experience, this guy went back to his wife and tried to explain what he went through,
raving about this Coach.
And this is why the Coach never heard from him again.
His wife went into fear-mode because she has been his confidant for years, the
person he shared everything with, and when he raved so much about this stranger,
she got afraid, thinking her husband wouldn’t need or want her any longer.
She saw the Coach as a threat to her marriage and convinced her husband he didn’t
need Coaching, and they couldn’t afford it either. Anyways she would be his support.
Realizing the impact his decision would take on his marriage, he didn’t call the Coach
back.
We have to realize there are so many elements in our lives that want to hold us where
we are.
Competing Commitments
There is a video called “Immunity to change” by Robert Kegan. He talks about
Competing commitments, and how they affect the actions that we take.
We know that we want to change, and yet we don’t take the actions needed.
Understanding the power of Competing Commitments will help your clients get clear
on whether or not they do want to take action.
You become an Extraordinary Coach when your job is not to overcome objections,
but to actually help your client find their objections and be OK with them.
When you show up as the Coach who isn’t needy, who doesn’t need the client, who in
fact will help their clients find reasons why they shouldn’t work together. Here is where
you become deeply attractive.
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You’re unique and you’re unusual. And your clients will want to work with you more.
Help your clients see what’s stopping them, what’s in the way, what’s holding them
back from having what they want, and help them be OK with that.
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You’re going to help them find a way to get clear on what they really want, you’re
going to go deeper than anyone’s ever gone before, and then help them get really
clear on what’s standing in their way (their competing commitments), and how to be
OK with that.
From that place, you’ll get to see if it’s the right time for you two to work together.
It follows as a direct result of a series of other actions. The trouble for too many of us
is that we measure the amount of money in our bank account.
We use it as a measure of our self-esteem, of how good we are and how successful
we are, and yet is not a measure in real-time. It measures the impact you’ve had in
the past.
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Whilst it might be valuable to measure the amount of money in your bank, what really
counts is measuring lead indicators. These are the actions that you take that will
have a result down the way.
Invite: How many people did you invite to a Coaching conversation? Track the
number of people you’re inviting week after week.
The more people you invite, the more Coaching conversations you will have.
Create: How many people did you serve today? I wear a bracelet that has two words
on it: “Serve and Create”. Every morning I wake up and say: “Who can I serve, or what
can I create?” Once I’m done, I turn my bracelet over.
Here is when you bring your magic and serve someone powerfully in a Coaching
conversation.
Propose: How many “No’s” did you get this week?. Track your No’s, because
remember, “Yes” lives in the land of “No”. Create a month full of No’s and I promise you
the Yes’s are coming.
Track the amount of money you make in proposals, it doesn’t matter if you get a yes
or a no. If you make three proposals to one client, choose one of the proposals and
track it.
I served somebody powerfully once, and then after making a proposal, and I never
heard back from her. Four years later, she e-mailed me and let me know she had
never forgotten that conversation we had, is just that at the time she wasn’t ready.
After four years, she was ready, and couldn’t think of anyone else to serve her more
powerfully than I did. We started working together.
These are all lead indicators, and I promise you, when you put your attention on them,
the money will follow.
Lead Indicators: These are the actions that you take that will have a result down the
way. Use the chart to mark the daily actions you take.
Connect
Invite
Create
Propose
90 days where each week you focus on one element of that framework: Connect-
Invite- Create- Propose.
Track your lead indicators and the lag indicators will follow.
You can use “The Coaching Dashboard”, where you can track week after week these
lead indicators.
This game is designed to get you out of your head, beyond your story and past your
fears of creating money.
Too many people wait for clarity before taking action. Taking action is actually a
great way to get to clarity.
3. Get a HUGE sheet of paper and draw a FUN picture to represent that amount.
4. Divide it into smaller increments ($100s, $1,000s, even $10,000s—depending on
your game).
5. Track every single DOLLAR that you PROPOSE for the next 90 days.
6. Color in part of your diagram to represent each $100, $1,000 or—for some of you—
even each $10,000 you propose.
This tool will help you find the psychographic for your clients: The quality and mindset
of your dream clients that make them thrive, and the very same qualities that hold
them back the most.
Client name What do you love and admire How are they holding
about how they show up? themselves back?
(mindsets, qualities, values)
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3. REFLECTION:
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4. ACTION: What is the next TINIEST step you’ll take to apply your insights?
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Week 7
How do you Coach clients who play a bigger game than you?
First of all, let’s address the deepest fears at the heart of building a Coaching
practice.
Struggling Coaches are needy, clients can smell their fear and get repelled by it.
Powerful Coaches are willing to serve, not please their clients, and clients are
attracted to Coaches who are honest and direct, even if it might jeopardize their
relationship
If you’re willing to say what no one else would dare to say, there’s something deeply
attractive about that.
A powerful Coach is ready to ask a dumb or obvious question. And will readily admit
what they don’t know. They are quick to celebrate their mistakes because they don’t
need to look good
Your job is not being better than your client at what they do and who they are.
I’ve Coached Olympic athletes and I’m not a sportsman. I’ve Coached people who
manage billions of dollars of assets, and I’ve never had that much money in my bank
account.
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I’ve Coached multimillionaires. I have a client who is a Navy bomb disposal expert,
and another client who’s the former assistant Chief scientist of the high-performers
wing of the Air Force. Another client who has raised over half a billion dollars of assets
in her career, and another one who used to do multi-million dollar complex
negotiations.
I’ve never done any of these things, but I don’t have to.
I’m an expert in how the mind works and how it doesn’t work. How your thinking can
hold you back or move you forward. You get to be an expert in your field, and I get to
be an expert in mine. I’m an expert in asking powerful questions. In feeling
uncomfortable and saying the things that make me feel uncomfortable
A powerful Coach isn’t attached to their position in relation to their clients, which is
ironically why they trust and respect them more.
"The only reason we have Imposter Syndrome is we think it's not OK to be full of shit."
Michael Neill
I’ll put that in my words: “It’s OK to sit in front of somebody who’s done extraordinary
things in their life, because they also have struggles in their life”
If you can be the person who gets that you both have struggles, insecurities and
fears, and that they are different, then there is nothing you have to do to impress
them other than being yourself, listen to them deeply and ask them the questions
that no one else would ask.
This is where you begin to get beneath these fears that Lencioni talks about.
How are these three fears showing up in your life? How are they holding you back?
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How do you coach people who are more successful than you?
It doesn’t matter how successful you are, you go through ups and downs. Having
someone who’s willing to challenge your thinking can have a big impact.
Don’t compare how you feel on the inside with how they look on the outside.
One of the biggest insights I had into natural confidence, is that I was comparing how
I felt on the inside to what my clients looked on the outside. This doesn’t serve
because it’s not comparing like with like.
Another insight is: Elite performers only compete with themselves, so there is no need
for you to compete with them.
Marshall Goldsmith put it on the title of his book: “What got you here, won’t get you
there”
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The very things you’ve done to get you to the level you are at today can often hold
you back from your next level.
There are many stories of businesses that have been very successful as startups, and
then they’ve begun to struggle. Because the same CEO who had all the qualities to
take them to startup success was not the right person to take them to the next level
of growth.
You can help them see that some of their very gifts are holding them back. That
some of their actual successes are on the way of future successes.
So How do you Coach people who are more successful than you?
Help them see the things that they cannot see at this very moment in their world.
Help them access a new kind of power, and put at risk the success they’ve had until
today to create the success they want in the future.
But the kind of people who want exponential success are also risk-takers, and they’ll
get it. Help them put at risk the success they've become to create the success they
desire
That will help them create what looks impossible to them but looks perfectly
probable to you.
How their gifts hold them back. Alex Charfen, in the Entrepreneurial personality type,
has identified some of the qualities and characteristics that make people an
entrepreneur, and he also looks at the flip side.
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Entrepreneurs are future-focused visionaries. The flip side is that they can be
hopeless dreamers and not present.
They have a high processing capacity, with the flip side that it can make you socially
awkward.
You are biased for improvement, constructive and creative. The flip side is that you
can be obsessive and compulsive.
All the qualities that lead to your success as an entrepreneur have a flip side.
When you do the 6 Boxes Exercise from last week, you’ll come up with a list of
qualities that you admire most in your dream clients, and then you’ll have the list of
qualities that hold them back.
The key to that exercise is when you can take that list of qualities that you admire
most about them and find the flip side to each one, your clients will hear you
speaking about something that hit so deep, that most people will never see on them.
When you speak to that, your clients will want to connect with you deeper.
From the 6 Boxes exercise (found in Your Coaching Business, Week 6) , find the list of
qualities that you admire most about your ideal client and then find the flip side to
each one
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If intelligence was a prerequisite for success, you wouldn’t have seen the collapse of
Lehman Brothers, Washington Mutual or Delta airlines. They were all multi-million
dollar companies that went bankrupt.
You don’t need to be more intelligent than the person sitting in front of you.
Their intelligence isn’t the path to their next level of success that they desire. That
sometimes their very intelligence will get in the way of what they want to create.
Help them understand that their intelligence is their biggest challenge and that your
naivety is their biggest asset. Your willingness to ask the dumb questions that no one
else is willing to ask them is a gift.
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The trouble with success is that we get surrounded by “Yes people”. People who
agree to everything that we put out into the world. Your willingness not to do this, is a
gift.
Be willing to admit your own mistakes, to be Ok with your weaknesses, your failings,
and your struggles. You don’t need to prove yourself to the person you’re with.
Your willingness to accept yourself with all that you bring, and feel comfortable in
your own skin, will have them trust you deeply.
Atul Gawande was a professor of surgery at Harvard University, and the World Health
Organization approached him to ask for his help reducing the massive amount of
deaths in the operating table. He agreed to start a research project on the problem.
Instead of looking at the field of medicine, he went to research another high-risk field.
The field of aviation.
He approached the chief safety officer of Boeing and went to the root of the problem
they were facing, knowing he wouldn’t be able to solve the problem until he defined it
first.
The problems of ignorance were solved by training. The problems of technology were
solved by the technicians.
The biggest problem he found in high performers was related to ineptitude when
people thought to be so smart to do the simplest things. So they made people do
simple things (even when they hated it). They made them make checklists, and plane
deaths went down.
Dr. Gawande took this feedback back to the hospital and incorporated a simple
checklist for doctors to go over the simple details.
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They hated it as well, but after a single year, deaths went down 41%.
When you are an Exponential Coach, you’ll get to work with the smartest people on
the planet, because you can see that how they see their world is creating their world.
And you can help them shift how they see their world.
Think about a person you really admire because of their wit. How would you help that
person get to what they really want in a coaching session?
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“You can never have enough of what you don’t really need”
Eric Hoffer
They are super successful people who discover that the success they chase doesn’t
bring the happiness that they desired. That the money that they have after they paid
for the house, the schools, and all the luxuries, doesn’t fill the void about what they’re
missing.
Money is good for one thing. It’s good for buying stuff. What it’s not good at is solving
our deeper underlying issues.
If money is not what you really need, then you’re chasing the wrong thing. At some
point, you’ll be working with clients who are extremely wealthy, and something is
missing.
I’ve met incredibly wealthy people for whom wealth doesn’t bring what many of us
think it would.
Go to the place that puts them in contact with their own mortality. What’s the legacy
they want to leave? What’s the impact they want to make on this planet?
If you’re willing to go there with them, to get to the thing that makes them cry and
stirs that moves them to tears. Then you have a powerful conversation.
How do you have these conversations with clients that are wealthier than you, more
successful than you, more intelligent than you?
You are willing to say and do the things that no one else is willing. You are willing to
dig deeper with them than anyone else has ever gone.
Will it give them the possibility of freedom from the trap they’re in? Absolutely. And
then they have to decide where they go.
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I once Coached a man who manages billions of dollars of assets. He had a story, that
he came to the U.S. as an immigrant, and as a young child, other kids bullied him. He
was never able to leave that story behind him.
So no matter the success and wealth he had, or the communities he hung out in,
there was something deeply painful to him.
We had a conversation that drew all of this out, and that was the place I was willing
to work with him on. But it was too much for him, he never became a client.
But I care so much that I don’t care. I care so much that I’m willing to have the
conversation that no one else would have.
Bronnie Ware was a palliative care nurse who was with them as they transitioned to
the other life. She took care of thousands of people as they passed away.
She wrote an article called “Regrets of the dying”, and it’s a very powerful insight into
a place to go with extraordinary clients.
She questioned people on their deathbeds about any regrets they had or anything
they would do differently, and these were the 5 most common themes:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of
me.
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
You can take your clients through those five regrets, and get them to reflect on their
own life at this moment. Do it yourself as well
Answer these questions yourself, and also share them with your clients.
What is the one thing I would like people to remember me by when I’m gone?
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If I had all the time in the world, I would make room to do the following:
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We use this to judge how successful we are, that has an impact on how happy we
are, and it doesn’t serve us.
“I know I’m successful when…” is a much more powerful tool to get clear on what
really does drive and motivate you.
Think about what makes you feel good, and add it to your list. What would it look like
for you?
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This comes from my friend Sean Stephenson. He has an idea called: “When Life
Works” list. He realized there are some things that when he does them life is just
better. And when he doesn’t do them life is not so good.
This isn’t a list of habits to do every day, otherwise, you judge yourself and feel bad
about it. Like: “I have to do yoga, meditate, read inspiring books, drink my protein
smoothie”
Sean picked a list of 12 things that make him feel good. And from that list, he realized
that if he did three of those things each day, life was just better.
Make your own list of things that when you do them, business begins to fly, and then
your job is to check off 1-3 of them every day. Find your number of what works better
for you.
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Checklists:
Turn your two lists from the past exercise into a weekly chart, and markdown three
things that you do daily for each one.
Week 8
There is a tool that I created and that I use with my clients and the members of 4PC.
One of the reasons that New Year’s resolutions tend not to work is because a year is
too big of a timeframe. We lose momentum and track. On the other hand, a week is a
too small timeframe, we can’t get everything done each week, so we get
disillusioned.
90 days is a significant amount of time that you can accomplish something really
powerful. And if you’re looking at the next 25 years of your life, every 90 days is just 1%
of the project that you’re working on, so you don’t have to beat yourself up if nothing
happened, or you didn’t get much momentum in that timeframe.
If you do, it gives you the chance to roll up that Momentum into the next period of 90
days.
Impact boosters are those 1-3 things that are going to have a real positive impact on
your business or your life.
2. Creating a space for one apprentice: When I get to spend time going deep with
one person, transforming every aspect of their life and their business.
3. Work out regularly whilst I was traveling: I looked into booking personal trainers in
advance, finding gyms near the hotels where I was staying, and I made sure I set
everything in advance so that my body would be taken care of.
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What are the 1-3 Impact Boosters you will focus on the next 90 days that will have a
real positive impact on your business or your life?
Business
Cash Projects
Sexy Projects
Body
Sleep
Nutrition
Exercise
Spirit
Connect
Serve
Nurture your
Spirit
2. Gamification
Make it fun! It’s why we play the 90-day money game and why I play “Outrageous
October” with my clients once a year. This is when they go out to the world and say
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outrageous things, and make outrageous requests, not knowing how it will come
back to them, but pushing the boundaries of what looks possible.
Think about a game that will make your next 90 days fun and exciting. Research
online, and see what you can implement for your business.
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3. High-quality reps
If you’re going to the gym and make lots of exercises for your biceps, you might make
your arms a bit stronger, but if you do squats, they will have an impact on your entire
body. Be clear on what reps you’re doing and how can they be high quality.
Think about a routine that you can repeat daily, that positively affect your impact.
For example: meditation, exercise, etc.
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In a growth mindset is all about practice, doing the thing, repeating it and having fun
with it, without being attached to getting it right or making mistakes.
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What are you going to learn in the next 90 days that will positively affect your
impact?
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5. Front loading
This is when you set yourself up in advance as a way to have success. This is what I
mentioned earlier about planning my personal trainer and the gym for when I flew to
London. I can’t have junk food in my house, because I eat it. Putting money down for
retirement years in advance is front loading.
What are you setting up in advance as a way to have succession the next 90 days?
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Sometimes we just simply have to bring the cash in to pay for our expenses and
leisure. That’s a cash project, and there’s nothing wrong with it.
A sexy project is something that inspires you. Something that might motivate you for
the next 25 years, and it may not bring cash in, but you do it because you love it.
When you differentiate between those two projects, it allows you to know where to
put your time in the next 90 days.
What are your cash projects?
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2. Body:
What would really serve you in the next 90 days? I put 3 main elements here: Sleep,
nutrition and exercise.
If you can’t take care of you, you can’t take care of your clients, your community, or
make the difference that you want to make in the world.
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3. Spirit:
Connect: We get caught behind our screens, but there’s a whole world out there.
Who would you like to connect within the next 90 days?
Serve: who would you love to serve? Whose life can you impact?
Nurture your Spirit: go out to nature or church. Spend time with the people you love,
play with your kids. Whatever it is for you.
Once you’re clear about all these impact boosters, pick no more than 3 and focus on
them on the next 90 days. Write them down right now and put a note in your
calendar when the 90 days are over so you can check-in.
What are you going to do in the next 90 days to connect, serve and nurture your
Spirit?
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Small bets
Goal Setters
Everyone tells us we’re supposed to set goals, right?
My experience with high performers is that, whilst they create goals for a project that
has a clear timeframe, they don’t often set goals in their life and business, because
life changes constantly, it’s complex.
Problem Solvers
A lot of high performers get really good at solving problems. We think it’s the key to
being an entrepreneur, right?
“If you want to be a billionaire, solve a problem that affects a billion people” Peter
Diamandis
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There’s a gift in being a problem solver, but there is also a challenge wrapped up in it.
When you’re a problem solver, you are focusing on finding problems, becoming so
good at the task, that sometimes you create them just in order to solve them.
So you tend to avoid them, like taxes and bank accounts until they become a
problem and then you come in and sweep the day.
White Knight Syndrome: when you become the “superhero” of your own organization,
who would come in to save the day. People around you tend not to take delegation
well, and they lose the capacity to solve their problems because you tend to resolve
for them.
This doesn’t work when you want to take your business to the next level.
Opportunity Seekers
You trust your deepest wisdom and your gut intuition.
When people look at my successes, what they don’t see, are all the tiny bets I’m
constantly taking. To use a poker analogy, I only double them when there is some
traction, some momentum, when something begins to feel good.
What are some small bets you can take right now to take your business to the next
level?
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We compare how we feel on the inside to how people look on the outside.
We compare our failures with their successes.
And he dared to make it public. He wrote an article with his CV of failures and put it
out into the world as a way to inspire others who got too caught up in their
successes, and missed what was really going on.
We put our success out there in the world and we hide away our failures.
The moment you turn those two elements around, things begin to switch. People feel
more connected to you, and you get a sense of freedom because you’re not hiding
who you really are anymore.
When you help your clients do the same, it can have a really big positive impact on
them.
I try my best to share what’s really going on, but is easy to miss.
The last five years have been probably the toughest years of my life. My father
passed away three years ago, at the end of seven years of a debilitating and really
cruel illness. The last year of his life was really tough for him and for us in the family.
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Raising two little boys in the last five years has been really tough. It takes a lot out of
me to be a parent because I don’t know the answers, I don’t know how to get it right,
and it’s been a struggle.
My relationship has had its ups and downs. Running a business and raising two kids
while trying to create romance in a relationship has not been easy. I’ve struggled
there too. Even when I share this, people still focus on what success looks like and not
on what it feels like.
I’ve grown my team from a couple of people to eleven of us now. That takes a lot out
of me, because I do a lot to nurture my team. I know I’m a good leader, but it has a
cost for me, because I’m not good at nurturing myself.
The last five years have been tough, but who would know?
When you create a safe space for high-performing leaders to share, it creates a
deep impact and a sense of freedom in their life. If you create a community around
these type of people, your impact goes exponential.
Everybody wants the trappings of success, but they don’t see the traps that lie and
wait.
I talked earlier about the distinction between simple, complicated and complex
problems.
Being a high performer, you get to hear this quite often: “I wish I had your problems”
I wish I had your problems.
You have a 7 figure business.
Your project is taken off.
Because we don’t want to hear that or share our struggles, especially when other
people’s struggles are much bigger than ours. And yet, we are present to this. It’s all
very true and real.
Hangovers
There are three types of hangovers
1. Alcohol hangover
2. Vulnerability hangover: This is when you share something deep from yourself, and
you get to feel all the energy that releasing that creates in your body.
When I’m working with clients, if I created a safe space, and they really opened up
deeply, I’ll tell them before they leave that they might wake up the next day with a
vulnerability hangover. They might question themselves on why they shared things
that they hadn’t shared before. They might feel embarrassed and ashamed.
Brené Brown says: “If you didn’t wake up with a vulnerability hangover, you didn’t get
vulnerable enough”
3. Possibility hangover: I work with clients who are up to extraordinary things, and
then I help them dream bigger than they’ve ever dreamed.
They can wake up the next day with a possibility hangover, when they’ve shared their
biggest secret dream, and after putting it out to the world, they start to doubt
themselves that they can actually achieve it.
If you don’t wake up with a possibility hangover, you didn’t dream big enough. How I
work with a possibility hangover, is how I work with anyone who has a big dream.
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Reflect on where your past failures have taken you in life and how they have helped
you grow.
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