Academic style

Make changes to the sentences below to obtain a ‘more appropriate’ academic style.
Note: All of the sentences are grammatically correct.
Tips are provided in square brackets indicating what the ‘issue’ might be and/or a way to
make a suitable change.

1. Everyone knows that an insufficient supply of food causes food insecurity.

[avoid unsubstantiated generalisation]

- Many/a lot of people know that…!

- it is known demedik çünkü bu cümle kaç insanın bildiğini göstermez!
- It is commonly/widely/generally known that… diyebiliriz!
- That an insufficient supply of food causes food insecurity is known.
- It is known that an insufficient supply of food causes food insecurity.
- It is a common knowledge that an insufficient supply of food causes food insecurity.

2. If a plant disease breaks out, it can destroy entire crops.

[consider the benefit of nominalisation—the transformation of a verb, adverb or adjective
into a noun—to change sentence structure when, for example, paraphrasing. In this
sentence, nominalisation can change a complex sentence (two clauses) into a simple
sentence (a single clause). Nominalisation can provide information economically (with fewer
words) but will do so by increasing the density of information in noun phrases; some may
find this difficult to process]

-The outbreak of a plant disease can destroy entire crops. (nominalisation)

-Entire crops can be destroyed by the outbreak of a plant disease.

3. Globalisation leads to continued food insecurity and poverty in rural communities.

[show caution when it is possible that a reader might have another opinion]

- Globalisation may lead to continued food insecurity and poverty in rural communities.

4. Smallholder farmers have an important role to play in getting rid of hunger and
poverty.
[multi-word verbs can be informal, neutral or formal. Replacement with single-word verbs
might be an appropriate strategy to maintain the required level of formality]

- Smallholder farmers have an important role to play in eradicating/eliminating the

hunger and poverty.

5. You can find further details of the World Food Summit of 2009 in Jackson (2011).
[Depending on the requirements of, for example, the field of study, task giver or publisher,
personal language may not be acceptable; in which case, avoid]

-Further details of the World Food Summit of 2009 can be found in Jackson (2011).
-One can find further details of the World Food Summit of 2009 in Jackson (2011).
-The readers can find further details of the World Food Summit of 2009 in Jackson
(2011).
-Jackson (2011) provides further details of the World Food Summit of 2009.

6. The biggest problem is not food production, but food distribution.

[avoid words that are vague or overused in spoken language: use more formal alternatives]

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-The most significant/important problem is not food production, but food distribution.
-The most significant/important problem is not food distribution rather than food
production. (end focus is different)

7. People who rent a farm rather than own it haven’t got a lot of incentive to improve
the land.
[avoid contractions and colloquial words and phrases that are vague or overused in spoken
language]

- People who rent a farm rather than own it do not have much incentive to improve the
land.
-People who rent a farm rather than own it have got little incentive to improve the land.
–positive cümleler daha iyi düşünce uyandırır!
-Farmer tenants have than own it have got much incentive to improve the land.
-less words are better!

8. It seems to me that farming does not receive the attention it deserves.

[Personal language includes subject/object personal pronouns (e.g., I/me, you/you, we/us)
as well as possessive determiners (e.g., my, your, our)]

-It seems that farming does not receive the attention it deserves.
-exclude me!

9. It is outrageous that so many people are overweight in developed countries when so

many people in developing countries go hungry.
[Avoid emotive language: use suitable alternatives that provide objectivity]

-It is unacceptable that so many people are overweight in developed countries when so
many people in developing countries go hungry.

10. A teacher who mistreats his pupils is not fit to do the job.
[Use gender neutral language]

-Teachers who mistreat their pupils are not fit to do the job.
-A teacher who mistreat their pupils is not fit to do the job. -also acceptable!
-making plural is better in academic writing.

11. Vast amounts of food are destroyed by rats, mice, etc.

- Vast amounts of food are destroyed by rats and mice.

-if there is an example to give, then give it!

- Vast amounts of food are destroyed by rodents such as/like rats and mice.
-such as is better compared to like!

[Avoid ‘etc.’ at the end of a list (as well as alternatives such as ‘and so on’ and ‘and so
forth’)]

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KEY:
1. Everyone knows It [dummy subject] is generally / widely / commonly known
(accepted / thought) that an insufficient supply of food causes food insecurity. [be
cautious: avoid generalisations] – this sentence has end weight
It is general knowledge [nominalisation of the verb ‘know’] that an insufficient food
supply [‘noun + noun’ noun phrase] … – this sentence has end weight
*That an insufficient supply of food causes food insecurity is widely known. [this
sentence does not have end weight]
2. If a plant disease breaks out, it The outbreak of (a) plant disease / (A plant
disease outbreak) can destroy entire crops. [consider nominalisation to express ideas
efficiently]
3. Globalisation leads may lead to continued food insecurity and poverty in rural
communities. [be cautious: use hedges to ‘soften’ your statements]
4. Smallholder farmers have an important role to play in getting rid of eradicating
(eliminating) hunger and poverty. [in general, use a single-word verb in writing where a
multi-word (phrasal) verb might be preferred in speech. N.B. Smallholder farmers play an
important role [indicates active participation, which is not what the original sentence
indicates] in eradicating [formal] hunger and poverty.]
see: Cambridge online dictionary entry for 'eradicate'
5. You can find further details of the World Food Summit of 2009 in Jackson (2011)
Further details of the World Food summit of 2009 can be found in Jackson
(2011). [avoid personal language e.g. do not address the reader as ‘you’ (alternatively,
some might wish to use the reader: The reader can find further details …). Another
possibility is to use author prominence: Jackson (2011) provides further details of ... (this
maintains an active sentence i.e. use of active verb form rather than a passive verb from).
Be careful with the use of the third-person pronoun ‘one’ (One can find further details ...) as
its overuse can sound overly formal / pompous.]
6. The biggest most significant (most important) problem is not food production, but
food distribution. [avoid vague words, common in speech, such as ‘big’ (nice, thing etc.);
The flow of information is good in the suggested sentence (with the focus on the problem at
the end of the sentence) so avoiding negation (e.g. Food distribution is a more significant
problem/issue than food production. OR The most significant problem is food distribution
rather than food production.) would not necessarily be better.]
7. People who rent a farm rather than own it haven’t have not got (do not have) a lot
of much incentive to improve the land. [do not use contracted forms or colloquial
language; avoid negative sentences: People who rent a farm rather than own it have little
incentive to improve the land. or Tenant farmers (Farm tenants / Farming tenants)
[simplification: ‘noun + noun’ noun phrase as the subject instead of ‘noun + relative clause’]
have little incentive to improve the land.] Application of caution possible: Tenant
farmers often have little incentive to improve the land.
8. It seems to me that (It appears that) farming does not receive the attention it
deserves. [avoid personal language, e.g. I (me, my, mine) or we (our, ours), in order to
express an opinion; avoid subjective language, e.g. I think / believe to express opinion;
avoid negation: It seems that farming receives less attention than it deserves.
N.B. In the sentence ‘It seems that farming deserves more attention than it receives’, the
focus is changed.]
9. It is outrageous unacceptable that so many people are overweight in developed
countries when so many people in developing countries go hungry. [avoid emotive
language]

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10. A teacher who mistreats his their [singular their] pupils is not fit (is unfit / unsuitable)
to do the job. OR:
Teachers [plural] who mistreat their pupils are [subject-verb agreement] not fit
(unfit / unsuitable) to do the job. [use gender-neutral language]
The American Psychological Association (APA) endorses the use of singular ‘they’ /
‘their’. See the following links for information:
https://apastyle.apa.org/style-grammar-guidelines/grammar/singular-they
https://apastyle.apa.org/blog/singular-they
11. Vast amounts of food are destroyed by rats and mice, etc.
Vast amounts of food are destroyed by rats, mice, etc. and other rodents / pests.
Vast amounts of food are destroyed by rodents (such as rats and mice). [avoid etc.
(and so on and so forth) where it would be better to provide a full list or summarise the
features of the items in the list]
cf. Vast amounts of food are destroyed by, for example, rodents.

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